#and thats bc i usually. only feel motivated to draw things i want to see depicted a certain way if i cant find art of it already

[evercelle]

This is purely curiosity, but are you going to draw scaramouche's new design? He seems right up your alley 👀

ahhhh i DO love his redesign! and after finishing the 3.2 AQ, i rewatched his animated backstory cutscene and sat there sort of just marveling at what a wonderfully written villain he is (': i'm very excited to see where his story goes next!

as to whether or not i'd draw him, maybe not in full, but i had a charm idea i was thinking of lately...!! he's become an anemo guy i'm almost contractually obligated to do so

[riewritten]

what do you do when inspiration suddenly hits you? like do you just memorize it in ur head or note it somewhere or do u work on that idea immediately?? im very very curious about ur creative process PLEASE OVERSHARE because i believe there are things that are new to me. like you write and draw and it's amazing how tou do both! i'm more curious about ur writing process because i don't write much (nowadays i only journal or write diary entries, in the past i did write fanfictions but they're almost all oneshots or unplanned dropped after 2 or 3 chapters). (how) do you plan your storyline? do you consider yourself flexible (like are u comfortable with changing plans in a big project where one change could lead to other changes?). Do you beta read by yourself or is there anyone who does it? if you do it by yourself, what do you feel when re-reading your writings? i literally have sm questions but i don't wanna overwhelm you 😭😭😭 you don't need to answer if you don't want to, that's alright!!!

when u said i could overshare

for whenever the inspiration hits, i tend to start on it immediately. writing is such a mood booster for me and i'm in a low mood most of the time so i seize the moment whenever motivation comes :'D sometimes when i'm busy (let's say school/work) and a great idea pops in (usually in quote format), i just lay it down in my gdocs. for oneshots, 1 doc would suffice. for longfics, the docs per chapter are contained in a folder.

i don't think i'm great in fan arts (i just get the boost from those who draw well—like u!) so i'm glad you appreciate it as well <3

regarding my writing process, someone actually asked me about it before! but to generalize my answer there, i ponder on 3 things (plot, characterization, & chapter study). my first fic (and my first series in general) was dusk in the brightest. i worked on chapter study first: detailed sequence of events from C1-10, vague concept in 11-15, then the rest is just 2-3 sentences of how i want the story to end. the 2nd one, character study, was smth i learned from a professor in one of my subjects when i submitted a one-act play script to her and she heavily criticized my characterization (like so badly i still get jitters remembering it) 😭 since then, i've been very wary with getting things accurate and consistent with my characters. for my plot-heavy fics, that's what i'm most serious for.

i think my flexibility (i dont even think i got that) was v challenged during the last arc of DIB because i suddenly had a complete change of mind with the ending (exactly what u had mentioned: changes that would lead one thing to the other). it was def not comfortable but a great tip (i think) to work around it is that: go back to your earlier chapters, pick up the most random scenarios you had made, then come up with a reason why that random thing ensued. an example of executing it is how isayama worked around aot's first scene (child!eren crying & mikasa being the first one he sees) by connecting it to his last scene in the manga (ofc i wouldn't assume isayama just thought abt it midway. it's just with how he executed it).

i don't have lots of friends in this app so i usually do the revisions all by myself. i'm a type of author that releases chapters impulsively—i'd publish smth that i hadn't proofread yet, read it in the app, then just do all the editing there. i'll repeat the process until i finally get satisfied. i think it's easier for me to point out mistakes when i feel the urgency to do so (like omg i have to hurry in polishing this bc readers might click anytime soon 😭) though someone helped me change POVs (from 1st to 2nd) in DIB C1-13 and let me tell u that i never thought having someone help me beta read my work could bring me so much delight.

and pls don't worry about overwhelming me! using this app and dumping all my work here are literally what keeps me sane from the overwhelming things in my life atm. to have u appreciate it gives me joy & comfort. thats why i'd be honored to answer all of ur questions :'D

[sentient78]

I know you already have a desc of them in your verses post but for the AU thing do you have extra details on your triumphant WX?

TALKING ABOUT AUS

i'm actually thinking of revamping my triumphant verse (but it might take me a while to simplify it in my head to write it in little bullet points LOL) because while killing everyone in hard to escape ways is evil, it's not evil in any meaningful way. mostly because if you have a villain, and their only motive is ~*DESTROYING THE WORLD*~ or ~*KILLING EVERYONE*~ or some other super massive, terrible vague goal... it's just not really threatening because of how vague it is. destroying the world or killing everyone as a byproduct of their main goal? thats more interesting!

but i think about it more-- killing everything isn't something wx actually wants. they say it, but at least by my interpretations, it's more a show of dominance then an actual desire. they don't necessarily want everything to die, they're just quick to turn to violence and perhaps even killing as a show of strength.

and that's more in line of triumphant wx-- that part of regular wx, but amplified to an extreme. they'll kill for petty reasons, they act purely on their own self interest, even if that includes destroying someone else's hard work. destruction is a byproduct, not a goal

but what do they want? honestly. validation. they keep saying they're better, stronger, fit to rule, and now that they're given a chance, they're trying to prove that. they think the best way to prove that is to force down anyone, anything that challenges them-- first with words, but they get bored of that pretty quickly and resort to violence.

i like to think the entire struggle of triumphant wx is. i have all the power, now what? is this what i really wanted? of course it is, everyone can see im stronger now... but i'm still not satisfied within myself. i still feel empty, emptier then usual.

they're stubborn, trying to convince themselves this is what they want-- the throne, power of the shadows, ability to brutally subjugate anyone that opposes them, but honestly, it's probably not what they wanted at all.

whether or not this is redeemable depends on the situation triumphant wx is in. i can see it both ways-- with the help of someone, they do realize this is absolutely not how to be happy, but that's just the beginning. trying to break free of the shadows is a struggle within itself. or they could remain stubborn, despite anyone's best efforts, they continue spiraling down into the whispers of the shadows, running out of things to "be superior" over as they keep destroying, and eventually just creating a wasteland as hollow as them.

and speaking of the shadows, that's what this verse is all about, isn't it?? the shadows, Them, whatever u call those things. they will happily indulge wx. grants of strong magic, they act as guards, why, they're just a mere court! but not really, as u probably expect. i like to imagine the shadows do everything so sarcastically, an overblown enthusiastic attitude about wx's actions and words, to the point it's mocking. wx doesn't pick up on it at first, but the longer they stay on the throne, the more uncomfortable it gets for them. but they'll never admit they feel like they're being made fun of, they'll just keep bluffing and saying it's all fine, they're just loyal shadow minions doing loyal shadow minion things!! they tell wx they're doing such a good job, wow, gold star, a for effort, and its not genuine, or it doesn't feel genuine, but it's technically what wx wants-- to feel like they're doing something worthwhile, so it's hard to break out of

and just for physical differences between them and normal wx? well, aside from looks ofc. fuel storage is jam packed with nightmare fuel, they never have to eat again! i like to draw my triumphant wx with actual hands bc the vice claw grip doesn't make much sense to me. pinching things to hold onto them isn't scary, just impractical. therefore, they have claw-like fingers. they're still. hollow. shadows can move in and out of their body with ease, and if they really wanted to, possess and move as them, but they often don't. the red gem glows and wanes with the nightmare cycles bc that would be cool and epic and-

so yea. thats my revamp of my triumphant wx.

[scicraft]

fuck all these posts analyzing vintage against emperor. let’s talk about headphones

just what it says on the tin. strap in lads im insane

headphones i think is one of the most underrated members of team idiot-blueper which honestly hurts my heart because she’s had the most heartful moments out of any of them (shakes fist at sky where is my bobble lore) but i digress

she’s decently precocious but not pragmatically-anxious driven like how specs is, often coming across as the most thoughtful of idiot-blueper. on a scale of careless-careful i’d place it as

bobble: not that she’s inconsiderate in any capacity, but she’s very self driven and her teamwork seems more incidental over being actively aware of her team. i want to say it’s intuitive but most of her team considers her hard to follow, so i really think she’s just the accidentally g-d tier person you find solo queueing but she’s actively on a team

goggles: he only BARELY outclasses bobble. i love him but this boy doesn’t think often. it’s really unfortunate. he does care about other people’s feelings and is very driven to help people to have fun but he has absolutely 0 emotional awareness and can’t read the room for shit. while yes this helps him and his attitude almost always works in his favor, him underestimating things can put him directly in hot water and even at odds with other teammates (such as specs). he also has a habit of not listening to his teammates directions in matches (ie when he popped up on gloves causing gloves to slide all his hair off) and listen i GET its a gag but emotionally im malding @ how he acts.

emp: i tend not to think of emperor in terms of idiot-blueper if i can help it ngl. sorry to the emperor fans out there i literally like him bc i enjoy injecting family issues into this man. anyways. when he’s introduced he’s probably the coldest and most careless of any squid, but by the time he joins blueper he’s definitely loosened up and redirected his stupid royalty complex into thinking of ways to cover his team’s weaknesses. good for him i guess? he’s still got the superiority thing going on which makes me think that him wanting to cover idiot-blueper’s weaknesses is at least partially fueled by the belief he has that hes better than everyone else, which is like, technically worse than goggles, but unlike goggles, he does actually listen to them

specs: specs is really hard to nail, obviously he’s a worrywart and the first person to point out when things are gonna go wrong, but i really think it’s less about “what’s realistic for our team to accomplish” and more “what’s the least scary thing to work through”. he does get better about this (see: helping bobble learn octobrush for the rainmaker match) but he’s definitely someone who’s avoidant of conflict. nothing a little confidence boost (or aggression boost) from goggles cant fix

headphones: THE crown careful girl. i think about her often. the reason i described the other members of idiot-blueper was to really give a good enough contrast to her own character, because a lot of coroika IS about interpersonal relationships and how these kids interact/bounce off each other. anyways. she very deeply cares about her team and goes out of her way to improve her skills so she can help them out with winning more matches (vol 1 ch 1; headphones is the only member of team idiot who’s not C rank, showing that she puts in extra time to practice without the rest of team idiot). while she worries with specs in moments where team idiot goes up against tough opponents, she’s also usually the first to hop on and agree with goggles saying theyll win if they have fun. she also straight up tells n-pacer during the finalist match against team emperor “it’s not bad to look after your teammates” which shows her extremely loyalty to team idiot & that she has a good handle on where everyone is + knowing her range to help them with whatever skirmish they might be in

honestly i don’t want this post to just be me praising headphones with a chapter to chapter breakdown of her achievements and how it contributes to her character (although i would be super happy to do that) i really want to draw attention to this:

“Thinking of your teammates is your style.”

this bonus comic (vol 6 ch 23.5) is a love letter to me, your local headphones appreciator, with skull giving some really good advice and being way better about summing up headphones’ motives than i did in this post

the fact that phones was willing to change up her playstyle to get an edge for idiot team really shows how honestly and deeply she cares... cries... anyways im running out of thoughts. stan headphones. thats all. bye

[icecreamkink]

so i watched cobra kai all in two days and i have so many -

this show has so many cool and smart angles to it, but the same time.... its so stupid oh my god everyone is so dumb literally mr miyagi held all of the braincells in this whole universe 

like i am but at the same time i am not surprised it was made like this, bc in hindsight of course there were hordes of ppl simping over johnny lawrence ....  but it still amuses me that this is like... an Actual Official Thing

ok this will get long so cut it is

how much fun this cast has is super visible and i love it

i rly enjoy how the world was expanded ! i did grow up watching the karate kid movies, so watching how they progressed the world of the movies so organically was pretty cool. it rly feels like its the same universe

i fucking LOVE stories that are largely about a Thing. dancing ,skating, sports its just so thrilling to experience this all consuming relationship people can have with this type of activity? and martial arts are just that much more intense, so yeah, grown ass men kicking each other around at the lightest provocation and a war veteran caring so much abt teen karate is Ridiculous.... but i love it all because thats the intensity i find so thrilling

was kinda surprised with how much im missing mr. miyagi. first because, like everyone is so unhinged jesus christo, it just really throws into relief how much his character grounded the narrative of the movies. but also hes just a really great character

and on that note it rly Gets Me that the show itself aknowledges that and plays that into daniels angst and all the little ways they sorta weave myiagisms into the whole show........ im not getting emotional over this dumb karate dads show OK

related - i really miss hearing ‘daniel-san’ 🥺🥺

ACE DEGENERATE oh god oh no

they really went down the down and out johnny lawrence route huh. like i was always kinda bummed we see kreese choking him and then we never see him again in the movies, and while i love dumpster fire problematic trash himbo ck johnny, its like......................... actually really sad that his life turned out like this fjngn

everytime i hear ‘babes’ and ‘pussy’ i die a little inside. i know thats the point but i am a v cringe easy person, have mercy (ehe)

loved the way they are constantly drawing parallels between johnny and mr. myiagi of all people. hes the handy man of his building that has a bullied kid asking for help and eventually steps up to teach them karate, beats up a bunch of bullies for him, creates a friendship with said kid, estranged from family, drinks his sorrows away, surprisingly one of the least quick to anger characters (which says more about everyone else really but.... Well.), no schemes or ulterior motives hes just tryna vibe here.... oh and ofc magically heals miguel of is asthma apparently. the true disciple.. meanwhile daniel is his usual messy petty self even tho he wants to be mr myiagi so bad 

also interesting about that is how miguels character is a parallel of both johnny and daniel at the same time

overall the parallels in ck are done really well, drawing comparisons and also subverting them constantly. theyre well thought out

THE PARALELOGRAMS

fr tho, the angle being explicitly the cycle of trauma and its effects and how trumatized adults in turn traumatize kids, maliciously or not, is so interesting

but! on the flip side of that, it feels like the writers are getting in their own way @ letting the characters grow. especially this last season. theres only so many times you can do "johnny and daniel are getting along but 5mins later they are (literally) fighting over some dumbass random issue" or "johnny puts in 20% of effort with robby and then gives up" before it gets on your nerves yknow?

i see daniel no longer talks like macchio ingested 15 shots of espresso before every take and idk how to feel about that tbh

interesting tension in daniel, as in, in tkk mr miyagi was there and daniel was frankly, kind of a lil shit, this messy petty spitfire hot tempered sassy kid,(johnny lawrence voice: just... stop being so annoying) but now hes the adult, and he wants to be mr. miyagi... but hes just not, and never will be to his very core and it shakes him and in a way hes trying to find who he is now that he sees himself in a position to be a not! cobra kai figure. i kinda really like that 

plus how that relates to his cobra kai trauma. idk if the writers thought abt it Like That, i think so, but in any case, its interesting bc it seems like daniel has told everyone whod listen about johnny lawrence his Pretty Boy Karate Rival and high school and 84 cobra kai... But. no one seems to know what went on in 85 (or 86? idk) which was just so much worse

like ye og cobras were shitheads, but tkk iii is just two hours of daniel being emotionally and physically tortured. 

like, the third movie is.............chaotic, to put it nicely, and many people ignore it, but the writers clearly didnt. daniels actions are, in a way, responding so much more to the events of tkk iii than to the first movie ie. johnny himself, AND. daniel doesnt rly seem to have dealt with that trauma? he never told sam? doesnt feel like hes ever told amanda? he doesnt even say terrys name out loud? freaks Out over kreese ? the way he reacts to robbys deceit? his FACE when he walks past the new "fear does not exist in this dojo" paint or kreeses photo? hmMm i sense Pain

his fashion tho........... disappointing. where are the flower shirts daniel huh we had one (1) shirt what a tragedy STOP WEARING SUITS ALL THE TIME . also the band ts/grunge bi are a look for johnny but part of me longs for the preppy lovable 80s bully chic johnny lawrence getups

weird that they never used that last moment of karate kid where johnny kinda... snaps out of his anger and hands daniel the trophy almost in tears. like “youre alright larusso, good match” “thanks a lot”  that being their last direct interection seems like itd be perfect fruit for cobra kai but... they just dont. weird. 

especially when, the FIRST SCENE they see each other, suposedly in 30+ years, the first thing to come out of daniels mouth is QUOTE "u still got those golden locks huh?" WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT DANIEL FUCKING SAN 

also amandas immediate reaction "your pretty boy rival?" like. can we talk about the fact that daniel had to have imparted to his wife the very important information that his high school bully/karate rival was like Really Cute and Fucking Hot Actually

 the writers Knew exactly what they were doing and honestly.............. power to them

tkk director voice: and billy was just so cute  

also I was thinking that daniel sounded strangely fond in that first scene, and i wonder if he developed a weird affection for johnny on the grounds that of all of his Karate Rivals johnny was actually the only one who didn’t actively tried to literally kill him

i was actually delightedly surprised with how great the chemistry between them is, like from the get go i am Invested. their rl friendship totally bleeds through and its fantastic

. granted, idiots enemies to lovers friends is my Thing so i am biased  

johnny lawrence: i am down in the dumps, i fucked up my whole life and my sons probably, largely in light of the trauma that the father figure sensei and the philosophy of my karate inflicted on me and all my friends. u know what i should do, as a traumatized, unreliable mess of an adult? teach that same philosophy to some other kids! what could go wrong! 

but really i enjoy the setup of it. i kinda like that i watched it late because, season 1 was johnny setting himself up for failure in a way and it was exciting to watch it all go to shit sjfn

Like. his heart might be in the right place, but theres just.... not a way to teach something like ‘strike hard, no mercy’ and not have it fuck up a kid 

case and point: aisha, miguel and hawk become annoying as all hell over that bullshit in the end of s1, even before shit gets truly fucked up

billys subtle panicked eyes when he sees hawk and miguel fighting dirty in the all valley was SO GOOD especially in parallel with the panic that is so visible in his face in the movie when kreese tells bobby to injure daniel and in the sweep the leg scene 

seen people question wether kreese should have returned and i absolutely think he needed to. johnny needed to realize that cobra kais fundamentals are flawed, at the root, beyond kreese himself being a toxic piece of shit 

also who are we kidding? we are here to see the tkk characters play on new playgrounds!

i get what they're doing abt kreeses backstory, ( also. cobra kai. pq eles caem nas cobras djjs sorry) but did it need to take up that much time? feels like they couldve  done it in half the run time and developed some other stories better 

martin kove has such an evil eye. i love it

love that we get a good follow up to kreese breaks johnnys trophy and tries to CHOKE HIM in the parking lot, which happened in the movie and then....................... was never mentioned again

“the gang is all back together again” aaaa u piece of SHIT 

also. terry silver is definetely appearing ha ha ha PAIN i cant wait

seen ppl say kreese was too much of a cartoon villain like..........................oh......... sweetie........... u dont even Know

interested how johnny will fit into that bc kreese was simping rly hard for johnny here. like i did not expect him to be so adamant to have him with cobra kai ... under his control, sure, but he really wants johnny by his side despite already having control of the dojo and how will terry silver self appointed jon kreeses forever simp going to feel abt that? 

like bitchs dropping by every episode like ‘joooooohnny ..... come bacc to me joooonny......... this ur last warning! for real this time johnny! i wont say it again! watch me ! im leaving johnny! im rly leaving ! im dragging a chair” and johnny is just like. dont let the door hit ya bitch it was so funny pls

and on that subject oof, johnny! doesnt! Know! he doesnt get that side of daniels cobra kai trauma. and i kind of.............. cannot wait for ck 2021 johnny lawrence to meet terry silver like. what a shit show i need a front row seat and popcorn (imagine terry tries some greasy charm and johnny just roundhouse kicks him in the teeth bc he just doest Not Have the Patience for This. glorious)

feels like we, as a society, should acknowledge that cobra kai will never die................ bc their sense of design is just chefs kiss. their name is COBRA KAI. they have sexie sleeveless black gis. theyve sneks. colorful leather jackets with embroided naja insignia, the get ppl thru the aesthetics. evil geniuses

the flashback cuts : masterpiece behavior

the other takes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the differente angles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLOSE UP ON JOHNNYS FACE AT THE KICK 

that scene of daniel and johnny vibing to 80s music in the car. just. oh my god. the fan wish fullfilment. no thoughts head empty.

the new characters! theyre .... good. but. idk. i really like miguel (save for the annoying phase mid s1 - end s2) and amanda, who is a damn riot and has some functioning braincells, but everyone else is       

like dont get me wrong, i dont hate anyone,its not a jane and rafael from jtv situation,  and i am interested and invested in their arcs, but i wouldnt say i like   Like them, as in, personality wise 

like, sams grappling with ptsd was rly gutting and i enjoyed that plus her slight rage issues, 

which nicely parallel torys rage issues. torys background is all over the place tho so im pretty on the fence abt her so far

robby deserves better in every way, and i like how smart and cunning and surprisingly sweet he is

hawk............... is there i guess,

 demetri is annoying in the best way possible,

 carmen is sweet but. i just feel like her character is blunted to make the johnny relationship easier. like when shes furious with him after miguels injury but then forgives him like an episode later? and then convinces him to fight for the tournament bc she had a karate epiphany off screen even tho she was always against it? meh. feels like with the plot thiccening she was swallowed and now shes like a crutch for johnny mora than anything, which is disappointing.

aisha was cool and im kinda mad she wasnt in s3, especially bc a storyline with her tory and sam was like RIGHT THERE , but also... cant say i was super super fond of her... doesnt feel like we ever spent enough time on her

moon the bi icon, 

overall its a good cast but the main draw for me remains the og cast 

the tory/sam miguel/robby Thing. enjoy how theyre Narrative Foils and i like how their stories were so dramatically entangled but oh god give me a break with the teenage love square for the love of god. if u gonna put us through that at least have the decency to not make it so straight

and honestly some sam/tory        miguel/robby romantic tension would even make more sense. just saying! 

also im not sure how i feel abt the cobra kai: red miyagi do: blue theyre going with since some of daniels most iconic looks in tkk are also red. like it was a color they (johnny and him) sorta shared. i get it, opposite but complementary but idk... a little too fire nation and water tribe for me .

 and like the cobra kai kids are so funny abt it bc their outifts grow progressively more ridiculously coordinated. its like do they group chat every morning before leaving their houses? 

robby still sticks out like that tho. he went thru an athleisure/daniel san tsleeves phase and now hes back in the bandts grunge, but his color scheme doesnt fully blend with the other cobra kais. hmmmm.

LOVED LOVED LOVED both the okinawa episode and the cobra kais easy rider episode just such good good heart aching fun

bobby is an icon. he was in tkk and he is now ck hope appears more and more

 tommy is like the most iconic background character. all his lines, freaking gold then and now. sigh :( 

the framing in the okinawa trip was so good everything was so good

i stand by the fact that kumiko was the love interest daniel had the most chemistry with and shes is overall such a joy to watch, loved to see her again, idola, fashion icon

also tkk ii is good u guys are just mean

also really enjoyed chozens role in the episode, his evolution; i love that they introduced the pressure points (ty lee the blueprint) and! the honk + karate! cousins! absolutely iconic

when kumiko reads mr miyagis letters........ oh my god, my eyes FILLED with tears, it was so heart wrenching :(( tamlyns delivery was so emotional and lovely and its so obvious everyone involved in ck has so much love and respect for pat morita and mr miyagi as character, and i adore that it exists like this electric current through the show

when we were watching i told my sister i thought that ali would be miguels big shot surgeon and ngl i am so disappointed that didnt happen. hire me cobra kai writers

also the johnny ali daniel amanda chemistry? off the charts

AND the sassy retconning of daniel and alis breakup! LMAO ‘I HOPE U DIDNT TELL MR MIYAGI IT WAS MY FAULT’ HFDJJGNKFKSD

i am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure back injuries dont work like that    but oke

daniel and johnny are so good together whenever, like they never actually help the kids or get shit done and end up fighting anyway but its just so much fun when theyre hanging

JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND DANIEL LARUSSO FIGHTING TOGETHER

daniels “plan” on how to get robby to juvie was so stupid. literally were u TRYING to make him hate you. dumbass

parents at those hearing rly brave for ppl that did not do ANYTHING as their kids got involved in a karate gang war until now

“bullshit i heard u were the real bully!” i mightve screeched

this s3 ending was SO DRAMATIC omg

everyone is such a MESS go to THERAPY u unhinged motherfckers

also im sorry but uh. a richass neighborhood in california doesnt have some type of neighborhood watch? the larussos rly dont have any security at all? neighbors wont hear the sound of a damn karate brawl happening next door??? also wasnt tory all like ooo i cant go to juvie, my mom yada yada yet shes always running around town getting into fights even at the rich girls house she was kicked out of school for fighting??   ?  ??    ??        ?                ?    ?          ??                  ?    ? girl??

stop destroying the larussos house, its so pretty :((((

sam finding her center looking at mr miyagis picture...  uwu maybe

robby yelling ‘U ARE WEAAK’@  johnny \as he is easily blocking him is like.... so funny and so sad to me. sweetheart. 

also i know it was meant as ‘oh johnny pushes him and HURTS HIM’ but it just looks like robby runs himself into the lockers and IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO BAD BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY 

i like that he and tory are the cobra kai kids now. we need ppl we care abt there to not revert to a good vs evil schtick, and this is the most engaging it could be... tho it hurts that these kids cant catch a break

ah yes "lets bet some real shit on the result of this teen karate tournament bc that is always a great idea" is BACK

so daniel saves johnny from kreese..... maybe johnny will save him from terry 🧐

and dojos unite ohohoho. lets SEE how that’ll work out 

miguels face of Despair when the ck defectors and the md kids are bickering like 'this is never gonna work' : gold

also. Johnny Lawrence is gonna learn some myiagi-do karate AHAAHSJAKDFH

 ive been waiting for this moment all my lifeeee oh lawrd 

final thoughts! there are def things i hope the writers will improve on the next season, but i am very excited for it either way AND i feel like it has made me enjoy the movies even more and that is a win for a reboot/sequel to me!!

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hii! May i ask for a slice of cake? (If you can ofc)

So im a INFP-T virgo im also 4"11 i have dark brown hair it because wayy lighter near the sun. Also dark brown eyes my hair is cut kinda like a shag like the front is cut but the back isn't (bc of my parents) my style is grunge ig? Im very inlove with fairy style Smm but because im broke i cant really fulfil my love for that style (also probably because of my parents). My body is???? Okay my boobies are medium size and no unfortunately I don't have a fat ass 😕 im not chubby but at the same time im not skinny. Like the most fat goes to my tummy I get rolls when I sit down bath blah you get my point (im pretty insecure about it lolol). One of my two main dreams is to study abroad and become an interior decorator.

I dont know how to describe my personality but I will try. My best friend always tells me that my sense of humour is downhill BAD. I would laugh at the dumbest shit ever for example i laughed one of those pixilated bugs pics with random names on the bottom 💀 also I laugh at my own trauma and stuff that shouldn't be laughed at. I kinda have anger issues 😕 I get unmotivated pretty easily. I rant to my best friend alot and she says that im ✨depressed✨ and have ✨anxiety✨ and that i need therapy. Im scared to rant to my parents because im "too young and its just my hormones". Something that I found out about myself this year is i have chill tics 😦 (from anxiety). Outside im nice and sweet but on the inside my mind is just saying other things. Im SOMETIMES cold and say what's on my mind but thats to my close ones like my mom dad or friends. I dont lie going Outside alot I think school is kinda useless. I like to draw and listen to music my fav artist are mother mother and mitski.

I hope i didn't say TOO much anyway thank youu I hope you have/had a great day :)

🍰 for @shotosimp2

Romantic Matchup

Oikawa Tooru

How yall met

Ok im ngl

Y'all had know clue who each other were

Well that's a lie

Of course you knew who Oikawa was

But you just didn't care

Now Oikawa always saw you around school

You know...in the school uniform

But one day

He saw you outside of school in all of your grunge glory

And apart of him was like bitch wtf

And the other was like ok queen i see you 😗

So he approached you and complimented your outfit

And you said thanks and then ran off to wherever you were heading

Wait

You just said thanks???

No fan girling????

Not even a blush??????

Nothing????????????

OIKAWA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

Ok he would understand that reaction if you were just a stranger on the street

But you went to school with him?

So you had to know who he was right?

Yeah my mans had a whole ass crisis because you didn't have a bigger reaction

The next day he went to Iwa and told him about his interaction with you

And he was just like not everyone was to like you ya know

Oikawa: >:o

Then Iwa had a brilliant idea

Get this

Maybe

Oikawa should BEFRIEND you before expecting you to want to talk to him

Wild theory I know

So now Oikawa had a new goal

Befriending you

It actually wasn't that hard since you both had a lot of classes together

Soon enough you guys became close friends

And oikawa was happy with just being your friend

At least...he thought he was

But everything changed when you told him you were going to study abroad for 3 months

And even though you had each others numbers

Everything without you just seemed so dull

Omg

Did he really have feelings for you?

The more time that passed by the more he was sure that he liked you

Like LIKED liked you

So the day you came back to Japan is when he confessed to you

And well you'd be lying if you said you hadn't caught feelings for him too

So you said yes

What they love about you

He loves how normal you treat him

Now hell admit when he first met you he kinda wanted you to treat him like a celebrity

Expected it even

But the more time he spent around you

The more he realized how much he liked being treated normally

Ok screw what your friend says

He loves your humor!

Yall will laugh at the dumbest shit

If we were to look at you and Oikawa's messages

85% of it would be dumb ass memes

And honestly

This boy makes jokes about his trauma too

“Hey Y/N you wanna hear a joke?”

“Sure”

“My existence”

“...”

“...”

“Ayyyyy”

“Ayyyyy”

He loves how easy it is to talk to you

Like he's told you things he hasn't even told Iwa before

And Iwa is his CHILDHOOD BESTIE

So yeah

Trust between you two

ASTRONOMICAL

What you love about them

You love how supportive he is

If you say you wanna do something

He is right behind you cheering you on

You could tell him you want to commit arson

And he'd just be like

Period queen ill bring the gasoline 💅

You can always count on this man to be in your corner

Speaking of

You can always count on oikawa period

Which is another thing that you love about him

If oikawa is anything

He is a man of his word

If he says hes gonna do something

You know he's gonna do it

He's just overall a really reliable person

You love how he just seems to motivate you to do better

Fr after you guys started dating your grades went

Partly because you felt like you needed to compete with him

But mostly because he just motivates and pushes you to do better

And if you do improve on something

He is HYPING you up

“That's my baby! I knew you could do it!”

Favorite things to do together

Yall love to just go to the store and window shop

Im sorry but yall are some broke hoes

So most of the time it's just you guys trying on clothes in the dressing room

Taking pictures of your outfits

Then leaving

Yeah the store employees kinda hate you…

But who cares what they think

And if you two do have some pocket cash you'll buy one or two things

Then blow the rest of your money on that good mall food

Cause why not

Random Hc

He makes fun of your guys height difference ALL THE TIME

But like, can you blame him????

You're not even 5 feet tall!!!

“Imagine being the size of a 10 year old, couldn't be me”

Imagine being taller than the national average height 😐, couldn't be me”

“Touche”

He let you dress him up as an E-Boy ONCE

Ngl tho he dug the eyeliner look 😗

He called you every day while you were studying abroad

He even sent you a oikawa plushie

You may or may not have sent him a video of you drowning it

When you came back to Japan he legit TACKLED you in the middle of the airport

Astrology

Virgo + Cancer

Compatibility 80%

Cancer and Virgo can have a wonderful connection and are usually brought together by sexual understanding.

The main problem of their relationship is in the possible conflict between emotional Cancer and reasonable Virgo.

If they manage to overcome this, accepting each other’s shortcomings and learning to incorporate some rationality or some emotion into their lives, they could end up in an inspiring relationship that will last for a very long time.

In a way, they complement each other as much as the heart complements the mind.

If they share a spark of love, it would be a shame to miss the opportunity for happiness just because of someone’s irrational expectations or someone’s closed heart.

If someone can help Virgo build their trust, it is their Cancer partner.

Although Cancer is a cardinal sign, they are stable by nature, especially when it comes to emotional decisions they have made.

If they have chosen Virgo to be their loving partner, they will have no reason to lie or cheat.

This behavior would only endanger their vision of a shared life and a loving family they want with the partner they chose.

This is also a reason why Cancer won’t have an initial problem with trusting Virgo.

Their convictions are stronger than their doubt.

Overall Aesthetic

Grunge Glamour ✨

Songs -

Tia tamera (Doja Cat)

Verbratem (mother mother

Literal Legend (Ayesha Erotica)

Hayloft (mother mother)

Stupid (ashnikko)

[teruthecreator]

what really pushed you to write SSOSS? :3 also how did you come up with the idea for the story? :>

UM so the first question actually comes in like, two different parts?? or i guess the two questions sort of overlap (jesus christ readmore i didnt realize i would talk this much LMAO)

so the concept of the on the run/western aspect of it came from a voice call in the friendzone but it was just me, matthew ( @accesscodex ) and corinne ( @maplekeene ). matt was just kind of There while me and corinne were spitballing ideas for aus that would be fun. 

we thought of a western because it just seemed like an interesting route to take the characters in (also very heavily inspired by that one textpost thats like “it werent the whiskey what he were tryin to savor”, which ill get back to later). this was sometime after the episode where the thundermen fight the demons in last hope and escape by pegasi (i Think thats either ep 17 or 18), and i think i mentioned how it would be interesting if they took that moment to like. completely run away from the school. i dont think any of us really thought they would go back and talk to grey??? so we were thinking how the story could go without the school involved anymore, and so that’s where the on the run aspect came from. i then took the two ideas we were discussing (on the run and a western) and crashed them together to be like “hey! what if they ran away and then started new lives out west!” 

it was never an idea i thought was going to be taken that seriously, but matt (as he always is) is an enabler with his art and he started drawing the boys in cowboy designs. This was the moment i knew i wanted to do Something with the idea, since it was hot on everyone’s mind. 

the base idea (basically the first chapter) was based on a comic matthew would then post earlier in the day (on the day that i wrote chapter 1) that was based on the “it werent the whiskey what he were tryin to savor” textpost. i will link the updated comic here ur welcome matthew for not posting the older version bc i know you hate it now. this was the only reason i wanted to write ssoss. because i wanted to hurt matthew and, subsequently, everyone else in the friendzone. 

and, honestly?? ssoss was only supposed to be about 2-3 chapters At Most. i Tried to do it all in one sitting, which is why the first chapter ended up being like 10k words!!! but i was getting burnt out and i got WAYYYYY too in-depth about How they escaped, so i felt having that short of a moment in the actual western part wasn’t enough. so then i announced in the notes of the first chapter that i would likely make a second and maybe a third chapter and have that be it. i had never written a really long fic before and i knew (w my history of unfinished but published wips) that i probably couldnt sustain myself for something longer than 4 chapters. 

now, how the hell did i get here--8 chapters deep and over 100k words in the hole???? i honestly have no idea!!! the rest of the story has come from a number of places. the early plot beats were establishing moments for the characters on their own and together (some things i Did take from me and corinnes dms bc early on we talked abt it A Lot together, he knows what he contributed). i have trouble outlining things bc i feel as if it kills the motivation, so for the most part i would let ideas simmer in my head until i couldnt take it anymore and then write them all down. then, once i ran out of ideas (usually i come into a Writing Day with about 1-3 scenes thought of), i sit and talk aloud to myself about how the chapter should flow from there. one thing about me is i usually have the first and last scene Already decided when i sit down, so the rest is a matter of deciding how we get from point A to point B without making the whole chapter a wash. 

i wish i could say there’s a method to my madness, but i honestly don’t know how i do it. since the moment i decided i wanted this to be way longer, i Have had a sense of the flow of plot. characters arcs i work on throughout writing (in fact i remember the day i had the epiphany about Argo’s epiphany, if yknow what i mean coughcoughchapter4endingcough, and how that ended up changing the rest of his following scenes). 

also the ending i had No idea what it was going to be until LITERALLY when i was writing chapter 8. i had an epiphany and wrote down an outline of it so i wouldnt lose track of those thoughts. and the ending DID change because of actual graduation canon!!!! maybe one day i will reveal what the original ending was going to be, though i honestly kept my orig idea and just built stuff around it to make it work. 

honestly, ssoss has been one of my greatest exercises in motivation and storyplanning. i don’t Plan much but i do think about the story CONSTANTLY, and it helps that i have a pretty decent memory!!!! there are scenes i’ve had to either cut or move because of either time (aka when its getting close to midnight on a writing day and im literally going insane) or just the scene no longer working w the flow of the chapter, which i’ve learned is par for the course!! sometimes ya gotta cut stuff.

also in terms of pushing myself to keep writing it? audience feedback/hype really does help me!!!! seeing my friends and random people freak out about updates is honestly like. the Reason i wanna write more bc it’s just so cool and humbling to see people appreciate my work!!!! i’ve never had like a “fandom famous” fic before, and tho i wouldn’t put myself at the level of fame Other taz writers have gotten, i’m pretty happy with my lot!!!! 

[n-komas]

for the hq best friend matchup: i’m infj, capricorn, i play flute, write, and draw, i prefer darker clothing or clothing typically associated with a skater style. i love reading and cats and christmastime! uhh i’m rather short, i’m 5’3, i wear glasses and have brown hair with the front two strands being pink. i go by she/her. i’m decent at singing and my favourite colour is red. my pride is being able to play flute as well as i can. i love love and the idea of relationships

Dear User, We have found your perfect match! You’ve been paired with...

Kanji Koganegawa!

he’s literally the sweetest

he loves and cherishes you so much

he genuinely thinks you’re so cool for so many reasons

the darker, skater type clothing is so alluring, it makes you seem intimidating, which kogane finds adorable because you’re so small compared to him (his 6′3 ass)

but he’s so so fascinated by the way you get into things

not only skating, but he loves hearing you play the flute

he likes seeing the way you get so into the vibe and how concentrated you get

reminds him of himself with volleyball,

speaking of which, he expects you to show up to all his games LOL

he treats you how normal people would treat their girlfriends,

except there arent any ulterior motives at all

he just knows that you should be treated correctly, and since you dont have a bf, he wants you to know how high the bar should be

so going on that note,

he gives you spare jerseys to wear for when you go to his games

which he tells you you dont have to wear, but if he does look to the stands and sees you wearing it he will play even harder

tries to play wingman whenever you go out

fails miserably because everyone is convinced you two are dating

but DONT WORRY

he has his setter connections (-;

anyways continuing on!

he loves the two strands of dyed hair you have

you guys are dyed hair buds lmao

100% was there with you the next time you dyed them just so he could sit there and watch

ofc he’d offer to help, but he knows you probably wont let him LMAO

he also likes hanging out at your house/room more than his bc he says yours is cooler bc of the led lights

you help him focus!!

his focus is usually a but all over the place and he’s not the best at expressing himself when he doesnt understand things,

but with you there, he’s able to be open and himself, meaning he probably asks you for help with studying and such

he’s really good at listening though

with advice, he’s not the best

but he’s always always always there at any moment you need

plus he responds to texts/calls within five minutes usually

except when he’s at practice or a game

but he’s quick to respond or text back when he sees your message

he’s also the type to pay for both of your things

for example, he likes going out for icecream a lot

and he always insists on paying for yours as well

he says you can pay him back by going to his games, playing the flute, or singing for him

genuinely just appreciates you SO much

most likely would have an appreciation post for you on his ig at all times, its never archived

ok but with christmastime, he’d literally spend his childhood savings on a good gift for you

again, he just wants to treat you the way you deserve your future s/o to treat you

but deadass, like he’d be terrible at hiding what he got you, but it’d be so lovely, whatever it is

oh but he loves attending your recitals as well

he feels a lot of pride seeing you up there amongst the others, doing your thing

like “YEAH THATS MY BEST FRIEND!!🥺”

brags abt you to the team a lot

reason no. 193928 why everyone thinks you two are dating

kogane just loves you so mf much pls you’re the best friend he’s always dreamed of having as a kid

most people just thought he was annoying, but you saw past that

you accepted him for himself and he never wants to let the love you have for each other go so best believe he’s your bestie for life, miss gyal~

Thank you for working with us! We hope you found satisfaction with your newfound bestie~ Honorary applicants we considered for the role were: KEIJI AKAASHI & AKIRA KUNIMI Thank you again for your time & we hope you enjoy your future lifelong friendship!~ Thank you for requesting!

for mi amor @kihyunfilms ♡ ilysm bae <///3

[crowsent]

👶,⭐,💘, and💻. Love you!!

thank you for ask anon! writer ask game is here if yall wanna send in something. still taking asks for these btw

👶- advice for new writers =

yall this is hella fucking generic but PRACTISE. theres a reason almost literally every writer on tumblr gives the advise of “practise practise practise” and that reason is it works. practise doesnt mean ‘oh just write bc youll automatically get better over time’ it means ‘write bc if you dont, you wont figure out what you need to improve.’ did yall know that i literally had no sentence variation in the past? i started every sentence with [character name] or [character pronoun] and i didnt realise until i was 15/16 and i only realised bc i started writing a lot.

i think there’s a fear of failure with new writers. there’s this lingering doubt of  “what if its not good?” and boy howdy i will answer that question right fucking now. it wont be good. when i compare my current work to my earlier work, my earlier work sucked fucking shit. i spelled soldier with a fucking ‘j’ and i had no idea what the hell a point of view was. and thats okay. whoever tells you that youre going to perfect writing is a fucking liar. there is no perfecting writing. 20 years from now, imma look at the writing from today and im gonna think it sucks shit. writing is a process. its a craft. you get better and better over time and the way you get better is by experimenting w different styles, different genres, different ways of writing.

and the only way you can experiment and improve is through practise. in video games, especially rpgs (which are my favourite kind of video games), you struggle in the early game. youre at a low level, you dont have good equipment, you have a hard time moving to the next area. but the only way you progress is by grinding, gaining levels, and getting stronger. same w writing. if youre a level 1 writer, just starting out, no idea what to do, just experiment. fuck around a bit. write crackships, write rarepairs, write niche self-indulgent reader/character fics. at the end of the day, you should write for yourself. its good and cool if other people like your stuff and validate all your hard work, but at the end of the day, the one who should enjoy your writing the most is yourself.

you WILL mess up and you WILL struggle, but thats the only way you can improve. i struggle with pacing the most. still do. but others might have pacing down pat and struggle instead with word choice or pov or something else. cant figure out where you need to improve if you dont write, so just practise and worry about all the fine print later

⭐️- how do you get your inspiration? =

this is definitely not universal, but i just sit on my bed, close my eyes, and meditate. cycle through all my emotions and thoughts and filter them out. then i just toss everything out the damn window. like. id just meditate for a while, focus on breathing, on experiencing the present, picture a field and a tree and myself and breathe. thoughts fly by and i let them happen but dont focus on it.

meditating gives me some semblance of emotional control bc i normally have none, and it gives me kind of this space. this safe space that only exists for me and me alone. so i use that space to let the world drift away. just me and my thoughts and sometimes, those thoughts end up being good writing ideas. but i usually meditate for a set amount of time. like 15 minutes or 30 minutes so i dont write until i finish meditating.

then when i get out of my headspace, i open up my laptop and see what i remember. thinking too hard about something causes it to muddy up. same with art. in digital art, artists flip the canvas to refresh their eyes, see if there’s anything weird or wonky about the illustration that they normally dont see bc theyve gotten used to it. flipping the canvas is like giving our eyes a jumpstart and lets us see what we could do better. in traditional art, its turning the canvas this way and that or repositioning yourself. meditating is like that. a break. a cleanse. a kind of pause where you dont think about anything and just try to process what you already have. you relax and kind of let yourself float down a river of thoughts and sometimes, a fish would jump out of that river and youd go “hey, thats a good idea. i should try that” so when you get out of the river, youre refreshed and ready to go.

same principle with showers. more ideas come to you in the shower when you dont have anything to write with bc youre not thinking about it. youre not focusing on finding inspiration or motivation so ideas naturally flow through you. you know that feeling when you want to do x then someone comes along and says “hey you should do x” and suddenly all motivation to do x leaves? same w your brain. focus too much on “i should be writing” or “i want inspiration” and its never gonna come. just let things happen. at least, thats how i do it. some people might get inspiration by reading or watching tv. everyones different so if thats not what works out for you, dont feel pressured to try my method

💘- what’s your favorite AU? Least favorite? =

magic au. specifically fantasy au set in like a pre-modern era. shows like avatar where theres all this magic and fantastical beasts and so on and so forth. semi-modern like six of crows and nevernight are great too. i want that magic to be woven into people’s lives. harry potter is okay but there’s like this separation between magic and muggle. there’s this feeling of “magic” but like as a tool. like a spoon or a gun or a shovel. i want magic au’s that are INTEGRATED with the world its set in.

like in atla, earth kingdom people have trains they move with bending while fire nation people have machines powered by heat and steam. both correspond to their bending and makes sense for the world they live in. but if your plot is like harry potter and its less worldbuilding and more action, then there’s this book series called seasons rising (read it. so good) where there’s a bunch of spells but the spells have character. the people using the spells GIVE it character and it feels much more intimate. pokemon does the whole fantasy mixed w reality better. give two trainers the exact same pokemon and by the time that pokemon reaches lvl 50, its gonna have a different moveset, different fight style, etc bc it was shaped by the world and people around it. i like harry potter but tbh it could have been so much better

for the least favourite au, it’s A/B/O i dont like the whole “omegas are only good for breeding hurr durr” and “alphas are violent and aggressive and cant control themselves around omegas” thing and it squicks me out. major squick. i read the original harry potter squick (THAT one. yeah. you know the one) and i still hate a/b/o more. i get why people like it, and there are one or two fics set in a/b/o au that i enjoy reading, but as a whole, i severely dislike a/b/o fics.

the themes are squick, the character dynamics get so messed up, and shipping dynamics (bc a/b/o fics usually have shipping) just get so blown out of proportion. there are so many a/b/o fics that turn ooc or the character interpretations radically change or something else. no hate against a/b/o fans bc yall are amazing for writing/drawing yalls au. there are things that you can only do in this setting and exploring those things can be incredibly fun for people, but for me personally, its not an au i like to visit.

💻- three works of yours that are must reads =

i. dont know what fandom youre in anon or your genre preferences. so ill just rec you one fic for a different fandom each with kind of different genres. ts masterlist is on my side @hufflepuff-deceit and regular fanfic masterlist is on my writing blog @crownonymous 

(BNHA) Viper. its my first serious attempt at fanfic in YEARS and its my baby. currently has 7 chapters, i havent updated it in a while bc im hyperfocused on ts rn, but i love it to bits. its just all of my fav bnha fics crammed into one fic. quirkless kind of villain izuku with stain as a mentor as they work together to bring light to the injustices of hero society and where bakugos bullying has visible and long-lasting repercussions? sign me the fuck up. you can read it on ao3 HERE bc its not on tumblr. kind of fast-paced, has a lot more action scenes than anything else ive written. heavy plot-wise but has a lot of humour and comedy to break things up

(Kimetsu no Yaiba) I Pray To God He Hears You. not related to my other kny fic oleander which is a multichap retelling au. iptghhy is a standalone one-shot and kind of a character study on one giyuu tomioka. i love him so much. giyuu is my baby and i adore him. so of course i wrote a sad fic focusing on him. well technically, the fic focuses on giyuu AND his relationships.  SPOILERS for chapters 130 and 131 of the manga. focuses mostly on giyuu and sabito, but there’s a fair bit of giyuu and tanjiro and urokodaki.  you can read it HERE bc this is also not on tumblr. also deals with heavy things but more emotion-wise since it doesnt have that much of a plot. loss. grief. moving on. survivors guilt. that kind of stuff.  very sad. hurt but with comfort, especially at the end.

(Sanders Sides) Logan’s Birthday Fic: Logicality. just what the title says. i wrote 5 different fics and published them all on logans bday but the logicality one received the most feedback and honestly? the cutest of the bunch. its gonna be crossposted onto ao3 but for now, you can read it HERE on my ts sideblog. theres no plot since its literally just domestic and relationship fluff. and puns. patton is in the fic, theres gonna be puns. nothing but good things and warm feelings bc logan deserves it.

-

thank you so much for such interesting asks anon! i enjoyed answering these. have a lovely day!

[dykecassidy]

1 9 10 12 17 18 19 20 27 30 for the writing ask meme! pick and choose tho if u dont wanna do all/any of em!

writer asks

1.  Do you listen to music when you write?

yes! it cant be new stuff, though. it has to be well listened to, familiar, bc otherwise i start paying attention to the lyrics and thinking of stuff other than what im writing.

9.    Current WIP

like as in open right now, is chapter 17 of wyw. i got like 5 paragraphs.

10. Do you set yourself deadlines?

i try to? i dont have much success with that. i need to have the outside expectation, like i told someone i would write it for them and i said i could do it in a certain time frame. i do pretty good with the twbb and twrpzine deadlines, tho i am still usually crunched at the end.

12 answered!!

17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have?

i outline so so so much. i love it. i do it when i dont want to commit to starting an idea, when i feel i cant write it fully, when i just want it down and out as quick as possible. its just bullet points and “so like”. its just spitballing with myself. i can [whatever] the perfect word until later, i can “so he was like ‘lmao’” bc i know what that dialogue feels like, i can commentate about how wild it is, and note about how i need to fix it.

18. If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

funnily enough i was searching my blog for archie and i found a post i tagged them in about a kind of challenge where you alternate chapters and try to write completely different genres, wrestling the story from one another.

i also constantly want to collab with all my friends that write; me, foleh, and lula are almost kind of constantly working collaboratively and very rarely “formally writing”. i wanna do comedy action with emma, where sung shrieks and everyone stares. i wanna do Weird fuckshit with cleo where havve is.... havve and phobos is phogoin’.

19. How do you keep yourself motivated?

i get excited about what im making! i get excited about making a story and seeing the end, and sharing that snippet of a world with other people.

20. How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

ddont do this to me

in terms of like, pure outlines? things i have plotted out? like. im gonna low ball and say at least a dozen. even things i have no intentions of actually finishing, things that are like parts of a larger series (wyw and next big au). 

i have many many story ideas; i have a folder of notes on my phone thats just ‘fic’ and its inspiration, seeds, drawings for things. a lot of them are vague ideas, dialogue snippets, even just lyrics. idk what ill do with them, but theyre there.

27. Favourite line/scene

ohh.

okay i scrolled down gdocs and picked something at random. i picked a fic from the v creatively named ‘angel au’. 

A mop of golden brown hair, curls sticking up, bedhead. Big dark eyes looking at Rob, on a face covered with freckles, almost glowing, almost glittery. Rob’s hand on their face, his skin looking light and rosy next to theirs. Their mouth moved, the same shapes over and over, head shaking. 

“It’s okay,” [Josh] could hear Rob say, “just go slow. I’m here.”

30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

my next human au!!! im keeping to kind of the same theme, where only one (1) member of tarp is actually a human, and this time around itll be phobos. Sung is his dog, who is still perfectly named doctor sung bc cmon thats a rly good dog name and hes like a corgie/retriever/mutt mix. i have 3 chapters outline at least partially, the first one half started, and im deliberately being tight lipped on it.

[crafiet]

1-50 of the writers ask thingy, tell me everything :D

D:

1 : What age-group do you write?adult! ive always written characters my age or a few years older

2 : What genre do you write?sff, mostly fantasy

3 : Do you outline according to big ideas or small details?hmmm, i guess small details? when i get an idea, i get an idea for single scenes or pieces of dialogue or a certain character, so i piece together an outline from that. but i have trouble with a overarching plot lol

4 : Which do you prefer–line-editing or plot-revisions?line-editing, i love editing. revisions suck bc it takes me 10,000 yrs to come up with an idea and now i have to replace it with another??? blasphemous

5 : Do you write better with or without deadlines?ive written my whole life without deadlines except for when i tried nano last year and failed. so without i guess, but then i dont have anything to convince me to write more lmao

6 : What would be the biggest compliment you could hope to receive on your current WIP?idk probably that its someones favourite book, or to see fanart *.*

7 : How long is your current WIP?26,305 words, its a rewrite heh

8 : What author would you be most excited to be compared to?hummmmmm,,,idk when people call new fantasy books “the next game of thrones” it sounds so fake lol but idk who my favourite author is...

9 : What do you struggle most with as a writer?writing

10 : Do you brain-storm story ideas alone or with others?mostly alone but YOU, ASH, help sometimes. its good to get an objective ear

11 : Do you base your characters off of real people?nah lol, im not good at characters

12 : Is your writing space clean or cluttered?clean

13 : Do you write character-driven or plot-driven stories?plot-driven. my writing is extremely fast paced, and i dont tend to like reading character-driven works

14 : Do you have a favorite writing-related quote?ive answered this in previous ask. the 'drunk on writing’ one by ray bradbury

15 : If you transport your original characters into another author’s world, which world would you choose?everyone else’s worlds are so harsh lol maybe id put them in atla so they can fuck around w bending

16 : Would your story work better as a movie or tv show? Why?miniseries ﾟ*｡(･∀･)ﾟ*｡ but it would lend itself to a movie yeah

17 : Do you make soundtracks for each story?nah, lazy ass

18 : If you could assign your story one song, what would it be?unbecoming by starset

19 : Would you rather live in your characters’ world, or have your characters come live in our world?honestly? i wanna escape capitalism and wield a sword

20 : What book would you love to see adapted for the big or small screen?zero world by jason m hough!!!! its a pretty big book i think a movie duology or a tv show would work!

21 : Do you finish most of the stories you start?no

22 : Has your own writing ever made you cry?no lol 

23 : Are you proud or anxious to show off your writing?anxious cz im bad

24 : When did you start considering yourself a writer?i meannnnnnnn do i even now thoooooo

25 : What books are must-reads in your genre?sff is so broad, read whatever tf u want

26 : What would you like to see more of in your genre?diversity, not just in race gender sexuality but in fucking plots like damn give me something w a twist

27 : Where do you get inspiration from?real life, books, movies

28 : On a scale of 1-10, how much do you stress about choosing character names?about a 2, i just search on a generator until i find one i like im not a stickler for names nd i dont usually have placeholder names or anything

29 : Do you tend to underwrite or overwrite in a first draft?chronic underwriter hence the only 20k words

30 : Does writing calm you down or stress you out?calm me down, i have no control over my own life so its good to have complete control over my oc’s lives. i dont tend to have the ‘characters run away from me’ thing, but probably bc i dont see it like that lol

31 : What trope do you actually like?ride-or-die, charas who are knowledgeable and badass from the beginning, i hate following the character learning to do something lmao im impatient

32 : Do you give your side-characters extensive backstories?depends on the side character, every character is fleshed out to an extent but i dont do a massive family tree or anything

33 : Do you flesh-out characters before you write, or let their personalities develop over time?i tend to create characters before plot so i would say i know them pretty well before starting but i do let them develop naturally within the story without forcing them into any box

34 : Describe your old writing in one word.tryhard

35 : Is it more fun to write villains or heroes?mmm both have their merits, i went through a phase where i loved villains but a warped heroes journey or a morally grey/anti-hero can be super good too

36 : Do you write with a black and white sense of morality?nah, murky

37 : What’s one piece of advice you would give to new writers?try anything. anything it doesnt matter if ur nervous or you ‘dont write in that genre’ or you dont even like that genre. its good to train yourself and go out of your comfort zone, makes u a better writer imo. also dont read this and think ‘im not writing an entire historical romance novel bc i hate it’ i mean just one shots. a paragraph or two. try out writing prompts, it really flexes ur skillsalso dont feel like everything u have to write will be published, thats what i mean by try out little paragraphs or prompts. let go of this idea that any of this work will see the light of day [unless u rly want it to] and just have fun, go wild, go crazy, go stupid

38 : What’s one piece of writing advice you try–but fail–to follow?its mostly those ones that help u have cleaner, more beautiful writing. i write really beige-like and its hard to be poetic or flowery

39 : How important is positive reinforcement to you as a writer?probably super important

40 : What would you ask your favorite author if given one question?when ur next book out

41 : Do you find it distracting to read while you’re writing a first draft?nah

42 : Do critiques motivate or discourage you?ive never really had many, so i would say discourage bc i dont have a thick skin with my writing

43 : Do you tend to write protagonists like yourself or unlike yourself?unlike myself, i like to write bold, confident characters and im not that lol escapism much

44 : How do you decide what story idea to work on?whichever interests me the most at the moment, i can jump between projects easily so i dont have a problem 

45 : Do you find it harder or easier to write when you’re stressed out?harder, i cant look at my writing if im stressed else ill absolutely hate it and might do something drastic like delete it all lol

46 : What Hogwarts house would your protagonist(s) be in?ary is slytherincyri is ravenclawash is gryffindorcaena is slytherin [i dont know how to spell the house names]

47 : Where do you see yourself as a writer in five years?still writing id hope

48 : Would you ever co-write?nah

49 : Are you a fast and rushed writer or a slow and deliberate writer?i used to be fast and rushed bc i was so impatient i just wanted to see the end product but i realised that i really love being in the world of my wips as long as possible so i draw it out and really mull everything over

50 : Would you rather be remembered for your fantastic world-building or your lifelike characters?both lol? i do love worldbuilding but i think characters make a greater impact

[chickenfetus]

ALL!!!! (also the gemini sqUAD LOL)

im gonna enjoy a nice cup of water while doing this bc idk a tea (update i didnt drink water at all and now im dying of thirst,, also undercut bc many)

1: Golden mornings or peachy sunsets?

i dont wake up early enough to see the sunrise and when i do i never manage to take pics bc of school so peachy sunsets

2: Sugar cones or waffle cones?

idk what a sugar cone is but i like waffle cones!!! havent eaten ice cream with a cone in forever though,, i rarely eat ice cream now

3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?

listen…. its about 33 degrees everyday but even if im in a colder country i dont wear scarves

4: How long do you lay in bed before you finally get up?

this depends?? on how motivated im feeling lmao never more than 10 minutes though because if i lay awake for that long ill just fall back asleep

5: Is there a food you’ve never had but always wanted to try?

i dont think so?? im bad at trying new things especially food

6: What does your umbrella look like?

i dont.. go outside often and whenever i do i take public transport so basically everythings sheltered so i never had a need for umbrellas

7: Do you listen to ASMR?

ive only listened to one everybody please listen to this gift

8: Rain storms or a light drizzle?

both, preferably when im indoors

9: What’s a little thing in life that you love?

hm??????????? my tags lmao 

UPDATE: i also really like reading other people’s tags and their rambles that is all

10: Favorite color aesthetic?

does the word aesthetic make this question any different from a normal favourite colour question???? if it doesnt then sky blue 

11: Wobbly lines or using a ruler?

in this house we draw lines with no ruler like men (but also because even if i did use a ruler it wouldnt be like… straight idk i cant use rulers

12:  Bright colorful living room or neutral cozy living room?

neutral cozy living room but i also love basking in sunlight 

13: Do you have any candles? what scents are they?

im not a big fan of heavy smelling products so i dont own any candles

14: Have you ever rode a horse?

i dont think so??????? ive seen horses before though

15: Do you have glasses?

without my glasses i wouldnt be able to read these questions lmao and . .. theyre also a result of watching pokemon too closely to the tv at a young age… its been like 10 years since i got glasses

16: What’s a language you’d like to speak?

japanese i tried speaking it but i got 2 embarrassed to say anything properly while i was in japan (i cant even speak english properly to a friend whyd i think i could speak another language to a stranger beats me) 

17: What’s your favorite season and favorite month in that season?

my singaporean no season ass: ? but autumn and november (is this cutting it too close to winter? idk my seasons)

18: Do you have a favorite pair of socks?

hm not really i just wear blue ankle socks a lot but my friend did give me a pair of pokemon and gudetama socks before and i adore those although i lost the gudetama ones in the uk last year she got me another pair whatd i do to deserve her?

19: Favorite Ghibli and/or disney movie

m .. um? big. hero 6?????? 

20: Disney, Dreamworks, or Pixar?

my dumb ass didnt know they were different

21: What snacks do you usually get at the theater?

i rarely go and watch movies anymore but when i did watch a lot of movies with my friend at the theater we’d get afternoon shows and sneak mcdonalds in lmao

22: What’s an underrated video game/ movie/ show you love and think it needs more recognition?

how about band? day6 i only ever play pokemon + sif + bandori so i cant say much and i rarely watch movies and a show? if its an anime id say the one i mentioned before in my one text post 

23: Would you fill your house with plants if you had a green thumb?

not really rip 

24; All plants are great but do you have a favorite?

HM mmmmmm there was this one but i forgot the name lmao pass

25: Do you have a favorite type of art style? (eg: soft looking, no to little color, sketches, crisp and clean, minimalist, pixel art etc.)

when im the … audience? what do u call it???? i like seeing all kinda of art styles!!! everyone has their own unique art style and i love it all :o

for ME,, , ive been doing art for 6 years maybe and i still cant do shit

26: What would you do if someone gave you flowers?

i would die straight up die thats such a soft concept i cant imagine myself receiving flowers thats 2 sweet oh my god wtf id combust??? i prefer leaves though is that weird i picked some nice leaves recently and im gonna give those to my friends

27: Do you like nicknames?

giving and having nicknames is my favorite past time

28: Do you still watch shows you watched when you were a kid? even from time to time?

pokemon lmao thank u 4 not ending it…. the animation has only improved and im so proud to have been watching it since the start pokemon is my special thing i love it so much!! an interest that never died down, with an anime that stays super like idk to my preference? i tried watching the new digimon stuff but i just couldnt :^( im glad they made ash stay the main character 

29: Do you still like old memes? (tell the truth)

never forget dat boi

30: Favorite Halloween costume you dressed up as? (if you don’t celebrate halloween have you ever cosplayed or would you like to? who did you cosplay as?)

we dont celebrate halloween and i would never cosplay, big shoutout to cosplayers though!!! they put in so much effort and just, respect!!!!! 

i dont know if this is an actual memory because i dont remember well but when i was younger i thiNK? i had to dress up as a swan thing i have no clue i dont even remember the performance but i might have had to ?? and dance??? or act i dont remember everythings fuzzy but i dressed up a swan once? in kindergarten ????? 

31:  Are you a fashionable person?

i have the worst fashion sense and even though jeans are nice once again the weather here doesnt allow me to be as fashionable as i can be

32: Do you like watching holiday movies?

not realyyy??? the jack frost (rip) movie was ncie????

33:  Cookies or brownies?

i live 4 chocolate chip cookies but too much is . . not preferable

34: Do you blow in the cold air just to see your breath?

no i hate breathing in & out from my mouth

35: Do you find the crickets chirping outside your window relaxing?

WELL from the great cockroach ordeal last night id probably die bc we live in an apartment building so the only way id be hearing crickets would be if they were in the ROOM 

36: Do you like cobblestone streets?

my only knowledge of cobblestone is from minecraft so idk

37:  How often do you doodle?

when school was still relevant i would doodle as soon as i picked up a pencil lmao i try not to anymore bc i doodled on my math assignment and forgot to fucking erase it and my math teacher called me out

38: When was the last time you blew bubbles?

a year ago?? i dont remember but i do remember when i was younger id try and blow bubbles at the void deck do yall kno what that is its just a space near the lift lobby anyway i swallowed the soap thing idk u know how ur supposed to blow? well i sucked the soap in yum

39: What’s your favorite random piece of decor in your house and room?

in my room its the bed and in the house its the water bottle that contains water

40: Do you bite your fingernails off or clip them more often?

i………………………… i dont actualy kno how to clip my nails and my mum would kill me if i tried but i dont bite my nails either

41: Any birthmarks?

not that i know of

42: Thoughts on freckles?

ive never actually seen someone with freckles in public before but theyre good stuff i gueess?? i dont actually have an opinion on them? everyone says theyre cute and all but im just ??? not that i hate freckles tho if u have freckles? thats cool! 

43: First video game you ever played?

pokemon pearl?? either that or megaman on my ps3 OR the bomb square guy????? idk the game name but.. ya

44: what type of bird do you hear most often outside your door?

i dont know what the bird species are but theyre small black birds not crows idk

45: Do you use gifs/ memes a lot when replying to people?

memes yes gifs no bc im not lame like jen

46: Thoughts on spring?

no comment?? i mean? its nice??????? i guess ??? if we had a spring

47: Ideal temperature outside?

oh boy 20 degrees would be enough for me but its never gotten that low before sunny island’s life

48: Cloudy, partly cloudy, or clear skies?

i like clear skies when its bright! but not too sunny and not too warm!!!!! clouds are nice to look at too though

49: How often do you hear airplanes outside?

yeah we live near an airport i dont think anybody uses????

50: Do you enjoy windy days?

windy days are my SHIT back in school our basketball court was open spaced and whenevr wind blew we could feel it man thats the life right there but i hate windy days when im sitting at home bc it flows the curtains rigth into my face i like the feel of the wind and the smell of fresh air but… curtains in my face? not 2 great so rip i close all the windows lmao

okay thank u so much 4 asking falen i love you and wow this was a lot

[mousepatrol]

8.6.17

oh my goddd i guess i give up on trying to make videos lmfao. i am once again in bed w my retainer and the lights off and i remembered im supposed to talk about my day so here i fucking am ohh my godd

so today was trash void day i guess. my dog made it so i couldnt sleep well last night and then she barked at 630 am and woke me up and then my alarm went off at 10 and also i slept for another hour so wow that sleep cycle was terrible. i literally sat in bed on my phone for 2 more fucking hours doing jack shit bc i have 1 goddamn reply for my roleplay so ive been bored af. i only have 12 threads rn cuz school is soon but ive gotten 2 replies over 4 days which is a new low and i think this thing might die soon and i might just get back into drawing after it instead of making my own bc i have so many characters that i should make oc content for and i did some drawing last night and i was p impressed that it wasnt shit. so i kind of want to do it again and explore these charas and do art and writing for them. because i LOVE to write but writing oc is strange for me for some reason. i think its good though because i write differently (better? i hope) when im not rping so. you know its just better, although rp is a great motivator. so i dont rly fucking know!!!

anyway james has been fucking gr8 lately and is snapping.texting me more than usual (usual is a few things spaced out thru the day cuz thats just him) and like im just glad about it bc its lonely here and i rly want to see him lmfao. im hoping that over winter break i will take the last week or two to go spend some time w him. if he wants to. i hope. idk theres something about all of that that makes me feel like he doesnt want to meet, because hes not freaking out and screaming abt it out of excitement (which is reasonable bc there have been several times when ive been like i think i can come! and then i havent been able to so im sure he doesnt want to get his hopes up. but its been too fucking long and i just need to see him hes been my best friend for years sigh)

um so i did some tracing from my anatomy book just for funsies and listened to podcasts alllllll day. my mom made me some food (thx) and i was so tired for somme reason that i almost passed out at the table ugh idk what happened im gonna take iron for a few days bc im worried that the problem. or else its the depression yay

um i think all i did other than that was do one of my two replies. yeah. i cant rly think of anything else interesting its just been the same forever. ugh. i rly just want to start school again so i have a schedulee

oh yeah i have a headache. idk bye

[nastyy3xclusivesclt-blog]

“Gallery walk” the @whateverJewel interview

Man, what can I say about Jewel? @whateverjewel is an independent artist that currently resides in the Washington, DC and attends Howard University. From the time I laid eyes on Jewel in 2015 in the pre-calculus class we shared, (if you are reading this FUCK YOU MS. VALENT) I knew she was someone special. Something about her draws people to her. With a smile that will brighten a room Jewel is nothing short of a superstar, and I have felt this way since before I even knew she was an artist. Her approach to art is simply amazing. She has built a grassroots following of people who genuinely enjoy seeing how her work progresses and what the final product will look like. The work she does isn't just dope as fuck, many of her pieces have some type of meaning or inspiration behind them. Not only does she draw and paint she also makes clothes. I'm currently in the process of grabbing me an exclusive one of a kind shirt from her myself. Jewel is definitely someone you should take an interest in, even if you aren't the artsy type, I'm sure you will find something you can connect with even in the slightest. Just get on twitter or Instagram and search #jewelsart. Here are a few of my personal favorite pieces by jewel…

Now lets get to the interview! 

First things first, Who are you?

“so! I'm me because well...i am. lmao my names jewel so what more can i really say???? honestly im really just a regular schmegular bitch who likes Netflix and eating and napping and drawing.

When and How did you get your start in making art?

i was always making art lol, my preschool and my first grade teachers told my mom i was going to be an artist so i really can't pinpoint how it started. it just did and it just is”

Who are some people who influenced your early work?

“my early work is, like i said, as early as preschool lol. so like my laterish work, more towards highschool, because i taught myself to really paint, like more seriously around that time...and my life honestly just sucked lol. so i pulled alottttt from that; id rather have my pain inspire me than hinder me”

Who are some mentors of yours?

“i had no real mentors (because honestly my life and my interactions with others inspire me most) until my senior year when i won a scholarship to have a personal visual arts mentor...and he was so great! he was all about showing me how to be myself and still grow as an artist and i loved that. now i have all these bomb ass professors for mentors and they teach inside and out of the studio and i love love love how much they let you build a personal relationship with them, especially bc all of my mark ass racist ass high school art teachers were awwwwwful. they didn't care about me or my visions and intentions. so fuck em ;)”

If you had to describe your art in 5 words or less how would you describe it?

“ok 5 words to describe my artttt: crazy, sexy, kewl, chillin, etc? naaaah deadass um, personal, expressive, colorful.....imma stick with sexy and kewl lmaooo’

What words of encouragement do you have for aspiring artists?

“for inspiring artists? literally nike shirt that hoe and just do it!!! dont fear anything, just dive in head first. the key to that is to delete any expectations you have for how your work should/shouldnt look because honestly that fucks you up. never compare your work to others, you are your only competition. be better than YOU!!!! and when its time to "decide what you want to do with your life" after graduation or whatever, art IS a legit thing to do with your life!!!! dont ever let a single person make you deny that“

What are you currently studying in school?

“im currently a painting major at Howard university and its funny because, like, when people found out i was going to Howard and moving to dc they were super lit for me...but when they would ask my major and i would tell them painting, its like they weren't as excited for me anymore. like my major wasn't good enough. but I'm the type of artist who knows what the painting will look like before ts done, and in that same right, i know ill be successful regardless of the process.”

How supportive was your family in your decision to pursue art?

“my fam is SUPER SUPPORTIVE!!! even though neither of my parents are artistic, they never ever ever made me feel like my art wasn't important or realistic. i have so much supplies from years of asking for bday and Christmas gifts and them understanding that art was just simply my thing. my parents both pushed me super hard in school and that gave me drive in an artistic sense as well....like I'm motivated so much because they're so poppin. i couldn't do it without them, and I'm the only child, so id like to think they couldn't do it without me either lmao“

I see you make clothing as well, tell me about The Naughty list. How did it start and who were some people that influenced you to make clothes?

“YO THE NAUGHTY LISSSST. funny you should ask. so i went to this panel on design at school, and the presenter basically was suggesting how doing "bad" things makes for a much more creative mind. its like theres more thinking and planning and plotting and scheming...and when those that exercise that same enegy channel it into creative activity, its soooooo much more powerful. and that intruigued me like crazy bc, trust me, im living proof. so i openned up this suggestion box and told people to confess their absolute WORST BEHAVIOR. and so i had it going for about two weeks, then i compiled the list and divided them all into two main categories of sin: lust and indulgence. the stories/confessions for each category that reeealllly stood out, i turned those into specific images. the ones that were left, i hand wrote them, and used them as the texture for the background”

When you sit down to a blank canvas where do you pull your inspiration from?

“when i sit down to a blank canvas, i dont pull inspiration from anywhere in that moment. im allllways getting inspired, literally once i draw the canvas sketch, im already inspired and ready as hell to go!!! i have this desktop folder and google drive folder and album on my phone titled "inspo" so whenever i see anything remotely interesting, i save it so im sure not to forget....bc im usually pretty in my own world and get kinda forgetful lmao”

What can people expect from you this year?

“this year? who knows lmao. expect new clothes and art for purchase...but thats all i got for ya for now ;)”

Quotes you live by…

“quote to live by???? shit my senior quote is always my mood: "i take a whackin and keep on smackin" -cheetah girls, 2003

Any shoutouts...

“shoutout to every person i ever met, yall all made me. i made yall too. thats the crazy thing about life, ya know? shoutout to every single person who ever commented something positive on insta, retweeted me, or hmu with something supportive...i hear it all, i feel it all, and i appreciate it all!! i dont really wanna shoutout anyone individually bc id prob leave so many great (and not so great) people out, but i have to give an ultimate shoutout to asante parkins...i would not be who i am without his presence, and im forever different since hes gone away. love him (but love yall too ya feel me)”

[itain]

long.. complaint post essentially

id say rant but its less anger than just.. despair i guess

oh god i feel at this moment.... very hopeless

ive just kinda been frozen since i got home,,, talked some, ate dinner, etc... but there is so much i need to get done but i {feel i} cant do until i finish one thing in particular...... like so many rows stacked up in tetris that all get cleared with the one block that fits them all... i mean perhaps nobody thinks its that big a deal,,, idk......... i just feel like i cant breath... literally it feels like my chest is a bit tight just thinking of all this shit stressing me... like once i finally get one thing done turns out its not done and i had 10 more things to do as well... i feel that in the time it takes for me to take one step, i’m pushed back like 20 paces....

you know when you have so much stressing you that you play games or just fucking fill your mind with static to pretend nothing is wrong?? you waste time having fun while the stress just looms next to you all day every day?? thats like my usual state of being.... and here is the other end.. where things come crashing down, and im panicking, and im frozen because i can never solve things, i have to find an order in the chaos, and at this point everything immidiately turns negative and i wonder why im even alive rn... i like that ive written this much and still remained so vague.......... SIGH

uh lets see i mean its mostly all just financial shit

the biggest block rn is the fucking gym... gee am i getting so damn sick of this shit.... i am ready to sccream over this fucking gym...... ive been trying to quit almost since ive started... i FINALLY send the shit i need to on time..... and they didnt do it???? so i need to call them tomorrow asking why they havent drafted the quitting fee, and im sure theyll ask if i did the fucking secure mail where i get notified when they recieve it, and no i didnt bc i dont have money, and they will come up with some bullshit excuse reason why i cant quit still, and at that point ill want to scream and cry, i fucking wish that could solve my problem??? why cant i be like my dad who yells at the customer service people on the phone till they solve everything for free???? why cant i ask that of him now?? thoughts like these... who let me be an adult, how will i not get fucked out of shit because im a fucking pushover who just wants to please everyone and be polite.....

then lets see.......... the student loans..... the big issue with this... i mean 50 bucks a month starting in october... i mean we will fucking see if i have the money... considering im already drowning now, i fucking doubt, but my biggest concern is the logistics... what amount am i paying back? how do i know that its set up to draft out of my account??? questions i dont want to ask anyone because i’ll feel like a fucking idiot and i’ll just cry about it instead pls.... so i’ll just rot till october tyvm...

and what else... my biggest fear is the combination of these two, that i cant quit the gym and im paying like 75 fucking bucks a month for two things that have made my life nothing but hell...

but i think the other biggest stressor is the small shit adding up rn... for like 2+ months (i havent really counted but i know its been a long time now) my phone isnt working without a charger.... and to even get it replaced for a working model is like 75 bucks.. id buy some shit phone but thats 20 bucks that can be spent towards surviving... like, see above bills.... oh and id switch to an old phone of mine to even ask if thats possible would fucking cost money bc metro pcs wont answer shit without seeing money first ugh.. its made all communication and leisure time way more difficult as im chained to the wall and only a few short times a day for either.... so setting aside that, ill just fucking pray for that for christmas orz the other “small shit”...... oil needs to be changed on the car,,, means i have to find some time to buy oil, figure out what fucking oil to buy, where to buuy, if i have the money, etc... communicate with coworker friend and get a day we both have off so her friend?? can change my oil for me for free, bless.... but thats not even possible till i get back from my vacation.... so a week or two..... then we have the registration sticker that needs to be updated before september,,,, 80 to 85 bucks my dad said... that obv cant be updated with a code on my car so again, it has to wait a couple weeks... even driving with a code on my car gives me such anxiety...

so moving on to.... i guess the tiny shit that isnt as big problems but only have become such because im mega stressed..... thought i had finished the laundry... found another bag orz... apartment much more disorganized than i thought.. you know how order in the home gives a certain peace of mind.... and vise versa.... bf and i are fucking depressed and at least i want pills but that is a faraway dream rn, booking a fucking appointment, much less having $$ for a perscription????? trying to work out then losing motivation so quickly as always... but because i want to dedicate my energy towards cleaning this place... which just somehow never happens.... just never seeing a way to save money??? ive been so damn frugal and i still cant pay my bills and here i am with more bills, meanwhile my dad posting his stupid fucking bullshit on facebook about “choose happiness” like money doesnt have a fucking say in the matter.... and all the low self esteem and negative thoughts that accompany all this situation... wanting to “do something nice because ive been having a hard life/week” and then still feeling like shit, or feeling guilty for having spent anything then complaining about money...

i guess last thing i wanted to touch on..... the vacation... bfs mom takes me with them on their family vacations.... honestly i feel like the goth in the prep family? like im too much drama to make them happy.. ive been pretty open with her about my feelings towards my dad and stepmom, mostly bc she is super giving and nice and agrees with me against them.. and recently ive been more open, like about my depression even... and like... she even said she would get me a scrip... like....... i just.. this kind of thing, the vacations, the covering my half of rent, even while she doesnt have a job rn (she is rich but tighter on $$ now so) but i feel so guilty accepting it.. like if i justify it, then arent i being too greedy?? but i literally cant refuse it, or i’d be on the street right now so..... but i just feel like she owns me... if i were her daughter i think id be more okay but like... if john and i break up she put like, thousands into SOME CHICK.... i feel like in the far future i’ll need to write her a check too;; i told bf i wasnt rly feeling the vacation... of course because of the neverending drama surrounding me (yeah yeah im not saying drama is drawn to me, yeah i create it okay) this will just kinda strain more the relationship and they’ll all think i have some issue with them or smth that i gotta ruin every family trip... so i’ll just go.. but like... self esteem is out the window, so i wont want any pics.. i doubt bf will either, we both have gained so much weight, and i have perma acne that gets worse by the day, and i cant even afford to get my hair cut or colored again so its just this grown out mess.... then in the other respect of a vacation... i think ill just be worried the whole time about my finances... i mean i wont be able to spend money on anything so -shrugs- i get to just look at a bunch of nice things, thinking “i wish” or feel the guilt of her wanting to get it for me.... oh god yeah and same things w my friends.... i want to hang with them?? but i dont have money for shit??? and every time they pay for smth i die inside bc when will i even be able to pay them back its the same thing but theyre poor TT

anyways i guess thats most of it..... i guess im feeling tired maybe ill just pass out watching some youtube videos.... i was wanting to get a drawing done but ~*the cycle of feeling like shit*~ will occur worse then...