#and thats okay. thats just how it is i dont expect ppl to know me or my intentions through and through

[piplupod]

mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"

me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"

mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"

me: "...my thing?"

mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"

me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"

mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"

me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"

AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!

[qeyond]

Youtube | Spotify

CW abuse/trauma/ptsd. It's a pretty raw song (both in lyrics and the way Black Dresses preforms their songs) so listen at your own discretion.

This song really speaks so honestly to the deeply self-destructive spiralling for B, in my opinion. Speaking politeness through your gritted teeth with a lying softness, boiling over, letting it out, feeling it on your bared, snarling teeth, breathing out smoke, "is it me? am I the problem? am I the evil monster?", "its always been me", spitting up blood, biting the hand that feeds and ripping them the fuck to shreds to be left alone.

Lyrics under the cut.

Why thank you for your opinion What you think is so important So let's talk this out i love it You're so funny i hope you're doing well Thank god for the tongue in your mouth I'm so happy i'm so lucky I get to do whatever i can be myself But you know what? I have zero tolerance for Bad little shitheads Who only seem to fuck around

Same shit different day You need to fuck off you need to go away I don't wanna talk about it That's all that I came to say Get out of my space You worthless fucking fuckface

Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are?

Hey bitch, what the fuck's going on? Is this how you wanna spend the Last few years of your life? Of your life? The last few years your legacy Your legacy your legacy your

You can hide out in your tiny little lair You can be the fucking evil monster terror Scared you can be the evil monster It was always you it was always you It was always you it was always you It was always you

It was always something I couldn't be That was just outside reality It was always something I couldn't know That I didn't know that I shouldn't show Because everything around me Felt just like a bad dream It was all or nothing Be the kind of person you hate or be

Hated for the things that you Thought were common sense Just a little further One day it will make sense Hold yourself a little tighter Your innocence

Preyed upon and vilified by Your blood and friends

Who am I if I can't assign a Name and place to what this is? Everything that's mine feels rotten from The touch of it everything all the time is a Message that I shouldn't be Who the fuck are you? Stay the fuck away from me

I want to love myself but Memories are killing me I want to live but all the years That came before won't let me be I want to love myself but Memories are killing me I want to live but all the years That came before won't let me be I want to love myself but Memories are killing me I want to live but all the years That came before won't let me be I want to love myself but Memories are killing me Memories are killing me Memories are killing me it hurts

[falsementor]

macaque is definitely the type of antihero who will use his evil, intimidating reputation as a force of good. just... in a very apeshit way.

[h377b7iss]

.

[whilomm]

okay i just saw asteroid city (first wes anderson movie ive seen) and im trying to reason what its About™ and. spoilers obvs but idk something something about massive world/life altering events that feel like they should Change Everything but no you just kinda gotta uh. deal w that.

sorry no you dont necessarily get to know "why" or "what does it all mean" its just. yeah.

the thing between aliens and nukes feels pretty obvious like these things are supposed to change the entire world and you try and figure out why fucking anything happened but. nah. people freak out for a bit and some ppl are left with lasting impacts but after a while the world just packs up its ferris wheel and thats old news we're moving on even if you cant.

and one thing i saw mentioned wes anderson talked about how ptsd was a theme and how it creates a generational divide and yeah that makes sense. like both on a worldwide and small scale youre expected to just keep mlving on while war happens or when ypuve got shrapnel in your head or if youre carrying scars from your childhood. meanwhile the kids are growing up in a world where nukes are old news so. yeah.

like you still dont understand the play but youre playing the part well so. yeah go out and read your next line. is that a good thing or a bad thing? idk maybe both.

...still not sure what to make of the "you cant wake up if you dont fall asleep". probs need to read shit from someone smarter than me to link this all together.

anyway. the lil alien dude rocked i loved him

[papparinoo]

something i like about the blue eye samurai is that they let mizu be a woman. And i know thats ironic since shes had to instead be a man, or let ppl assume shes a man so she could be safe or taken seriously. If anything they dont let her actually choose. idk if that makes any sense, but when i didnt know anything about this show i immediately expected the protagonist to be a man. Usually men play those roles, or whatever. So when i heard her voice in the trailer, i got excited! I hoped that she would be a woman, bcuz i rarely see women who dont look perfect, who arent wearing like skin tight suits or whatever portrayed this way. For me personally i always end up wanting a woman to be in the “mans shoes” or whagever the fuck. I wish i could articulate myself better. Like fuck they actually let a woman look badass as fuck, shes treated with respect in portraying her skills (by the story), and she isnt like the epitome of beauty (for social standards or whatever, to me she’s absolutely frickin gorgeous)

They actually let her exist outside of this lens of what woman should look like or act like. I know its been done before or whatever, but fuck it i barely see woman depicted in this same lens as a man and not make some joke about it. Shes not degraded to a sex object, her appearance isnt perfect or the beauty standard, she gets to be a killer and skilled swordsman in the same light as taigen. It felt rlly great.

I personally struggle with my gender identity, i feel somehow someway im not woman enough. So seeing mizu sort of go through not fitting this sort of standard, having this idea of being a man forced upon her, its all so complicated and interesting and relatable. Maybe that says something about me, maybe it doesnt. But im so excited to see where they take mizu and her gender. Akemi feels like such a foil against mizu. She fits the beauty standard, shes observed as a woman and has her own power. She’s unfortunately the luckiest a woman could be in the story, her being married and such was better than being sold. But still powerless at the same time. It makes sense why mizu was dismissive of akemi at the beginning, to her it looked like akemi was just a brat, but even akemi struggles with not being taken seriously. Mizu on the other hand doesnt fit the standard, being mixed, seen less than human for not fitting the standard, not being “woman” enough (the whole husband thing where her actually being better than him immediately made her husband like dismissing of her and possibly ratting on her as well) the whole constant thing of her “mom” telling her she doesnt have good looks, it often felt like mizu was fighting against not only being mixed and “not pure”, but also fighting against what a woman could exist as..”not pure”. She could not just plainly exist.

Gender stuff is so damn complicated and its something ive struggled with. Ive tried exploring the idea that maybe im trans, maybe im a man or nonbinary. But it felt so relieving to see mizu as a character. Something that stuck out to me was when she was talking to her ex husband. He asked “u wanted to be a man?” And she said something along the lines of “i had to be one” and it felt sort of vindicating in the sense that damn idk.. like me and my siblings have struggled with our genders and whats expected of us, especially within our culture. Ive had conversations with my sister like about how sometimes we do wish we were men. To be taken seriously, to easily do things without feeling so judged. Maybe cis people dont do that, maybe they do, its okay.

I just love mizu, and im so excited to explore this story.

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

hi, sorry if this isnt a good blog to send this to i just dont know where to turn atm (if this isnt a good blog to ask for help plz lmk where would be better, soz). im 22 and figuring out im sapphic & im trying to join online lesbian spaces but everyone seems so anti-babydyke and im starting to notice that being a lesbian is more about discourse and infighting than it is about wanting to kiss a lady. i thought it was about kissin ladies and thats what i want but how do i make other lesbians not hate me? i feel like all of the other lesbians expect me to have a PhD in lesbianism before i call myself that, before i consider a femme attractive, its like i have to pass thru all these hoops to prove myself even to other queers that im a real lesbian because i can name every lesbian historical figure. again super sorry if this is a bad blog to send this to i do not have a clue who to ask about this or anything im totally lost rn lol (genuinely sorry for literally being that annoying baby dyke ppl complain about rn. ignore me if you want im not gonna be tilted. thx for listening

This isn’t a bad blog to send this too. I’m just genuinely sorry you are going through this and I’m sorry if I don’t have a way to help. But I’ll try my best!! And maybe some more people in the comments will be able to help in ways I can’t.

But just know I’m sending you lots of love and that there isn’t anything wrong with you. At the end of the day, regardless of whatever else is happening, your sexuality really is just simply who you are attracted to. And that’s okay. You are enough ♥️♥️

(I’m also going into this assuming you are at least 18+, so I apologise if I’m wrong on that )

Firstly , you aren’t just seeing things. There is definitely a lot of infighting in the community. Like a lot. I would say it’s typically more intense and in your face online then it is IRL, but I’ve also seen IRL gay groups go really deep off the end with with this stuff.

From what I have read and from people I have talked to, this has sadly sort of always been a thing. We just have different waves of it and different things it might be focused on based on the time period and the world events affecting that at the time. I think in general it’s a very human thing that allllll groups do, but when you are in a marginalised, oppressed and small group of people it can feel a whole lot more concentrated and obvious because there is less room for it to go.

Again, this is just based on conversations I’ve had and things I’ve read, so take it with a grain of salt. But there has also been misunderstandings, disagreements and different beliefs on what things are , what they mean and who should do what in the community. Ranging from politics to fashion to marriage to sex to identities around butch/femme and what it means. For one piece saying something you have another saying something different.

This can cause a lot of confusion and infighting amongst people. A lot of tension at times. And because of trauma a lot of people tend to want to be around people with similar alignments in understanding and belief.

A lot of things can affect that like age , location etc.

But none of that is a reflection of you or your worth or your sexuality. And there ARE people in the same boat as you. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

There have been waves in the past of some women using and or claiming lesbianism to be a response to sexism. We are currently living in the time after that. And because of that a lot of opinions and thoughts and actions taken place are in a response to that wave. Be it people trying to push it , denounce it , confused by it or hurt by it.

I think this has lead to some of the scaffolding of the current culture we have today.

I understand that need and drive for community and the horrible feeling that can come along when the said community feels like it is in shambles. I feel that way a lot too. And I’m sorry I can’t take that away.

I feel like I’m rambling at this point I’m sorry.

I just want to say though there is nothing you have to prove to anyone. We all figure this stuff out at our own pace. Anyone who treats you poorly for not knowing something or just genuinely not showing interest in it is on them. Your lesbianism doesn’t mean you owe anyone an opinion or a certain way of dressing or feeling. The only person you owe is yourself and that is to show kindness to yourself and be around people who respect you and love you for the wonderful lesbian that you are.

EDIT : I just re-read and you said you are 22 I’m so sorry I missed that 😩

[childaintit]

I don't read the Re zero novel but what I know is that everytime I look at Subaru I go " waw waw waw!! Real" because hes such an incel. Hes so goddamn ugly sometimes and I love it. We need more "ugly and realistic" characters. Like, no, the fuck, I don't want an ugly character that's overly nice and a pushover??? I need a realistic presentation that makes me go "THATS ME SO REAL"

SPOILERS FOR S2, like, ok, I love Subaru's past. Like it's not overly dramatic and he's not even abused. He's just a kid that just felt the need to live through the expectations other people put on him. He feels no validation for the things he's done because it was already to be expected. And when he lost, he felt everything crash apart because that's how kids are. He had a reputation and it was ruined. But instead of working his ass off, he just gave up because it already happened. He can't do shit anymore. AND IM LIKE "SHIT THATS SO ME"

NOT TO MENTION HIS SHIT SOCIAL SKILLS? REAL REAL REAL REAL. FAKING YOUR CONFIDENCE? REAL, ME TOO. LOST OF CONFIDENCE? WHAT THE FUCK ME TOO!!!!!!! GETTING BITCHES? ok no not really. I get no bitches. But still. His character is so flawed, thats why he's so good.

I dont get why people dont like his character tbh, because why are you angry that he cries and goes insane when he literally just got killed, tortured, eaten alive, has to watch ppl he loved die, get killed by people he loves ETC. like. What. Do u not see the point of his character? Are you mentally okay? No, are you even functioning as a human being????????? He's utterly powerless, he has a special power, sure, but he's not some op mc with sick superpowers as much as he wishes to be. He's just some average joe thrown to a whole battlefield. To make it worst, he returns from the dead. Which meant that he was fucking mentally tortured by the mentally ill people around him and FUNNY THING IS THEY BECAME FRIENDS?????? like if this was any other anime it would've became a revenge anime. But it isnt because its fucking SUBARU. He's fucking delulu but its ok because hes just some silly guy.

In conclusion = Subaru SOLOS every character (with the power of friendship)

[tyoffee]

ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SPOILER DUMP BELOW 💥💥💥💥💥💥

starting with the cameos oh ymgod

BEN. BEN REILLY MY LITTLE EDGELORD. he is like fail girlfriend to me. I need to see more of the clone squad in part two (spiderboycough)

DONLAD GLOVER PROWLER HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII LOSING it over his suit

AND THE OTHER LIVE ACTIONS UEOEOOGUH I DIDNT KNOW THEY COULD DO THAT!! EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT GWENS PETER WAS ANDREW (nope he's blonde) BUT NO ACTUAL ANDREW GARFIELD WAS IN THE 'SPIDERVERSE' VISUALISER ALONG W RAIMI UNCLE BEN GOTD DAMN!!!!!!!!!!

speaking of what everyone thought I love the changes from the trailer. Everyone saying oohhhh they're showing too much they're giving away the whole movie WRONG. YOU COULD NOT COOOMMPRREEHEEENDDD THE SHIT THAT WENT ON IN THERE.

miles' expression changes especially. he is Not as cringefail as initially believed put some respect on his name. he can be cringefail Later.

oh my godddd oh hyhg PAVITR.... PAVITR MY BEAUTIFUL BOY we need more of him we need more of him in part two do you hear me Sony.

'coconut oil, prayers and genetics' INCREDIBLE SHOWSTOPPING HILARIOUS

HIS UNIVERSE W A S OKAY FUCK YOU GUYS. HE DID JINX IT A COUPLE TIMES THOUGH BUT THATS NOT HIS FAULT

THE WAY HE HAS A GWEN.. AOUUUUUUUUUHH. CAPTAIN SINGH LIVES BABY

the way that the main tension in this movie is literally CAPTAIN STACY MUST DIE. so real

the thing is he usually doesn't too it's great

SPEAKING OF COMIC CONVENTIONS.

ULTIMATUM / THE PROWLER MILES MORALES

I TOLD YOU I SAID I SAID THERES GOING TO BE THE ORIGINAL MILES.

The movie is So good at letting you forget that the spider was glitching too. That's not his spider. Miles is the original anomaly OUUGGHGH (miguel was a Bitch for saying it like that tho)

ULTIMATE AARON DAVIS HIS FUCKING EYES HIS EEEYES MAN OUUUHHHHHHH

THE WAY ULTIMATE MILES' SPANISH IS BETTER. HIS BRAIDS. HES ON THE STREETS MORE. HES THE FUCKING PROWLER. AUG god they're gonna tell us who the spider was for ik and I do hope it's miles. yeah there's a spiderman miles who can exist but it's not you. You weren't supposed to be here. AUG

Since we have the Jefferson memorial maybe ultimatum has a great expectations piece too. maybe that's how he's reasoned with who knows I'd love to think that the collider is the split off point between both of them

Though that'd mean there'd need to be an og spiderman to make wilson fisk lose his family which there isn't- hey wait how was the spider created without fisk doing his dimensional shit. I thought we weren't allowed to acknowledge Norman Osborn.

also also also speaking of alchemex Spot being bagel guy. Of course he is. Holes

Do you think that was the inspiration. Bagel hole.

Anyways I need a full turnaround sheet of Ultimatum/Prowler I need to see him I love the glow and the spray on symbol aaaugghh

BETER AND GWEN FAKE AS HELL 🖕

I get the struggle tho. Beter and Captain Stacy made my dad cry.

ALSO GWENS BAND AT THE END

SORRY I ALMOST FORGOT HHOBBBIEEEE HOBIE 'if you want a watch just make one. we're spiderman we can just do it 🤨🤨🤨🤨' BROWN I LOVE HIS STYLE I LIVE FOR HIS STYLE PORTALS I LOVE HIS PROWLER THEME OH MY GOD

THE SOUNDTRACK RELEASES TOMORROW AND I NEED HIS PROWLER THEME YOU DONT GET IT

i get my 2 hours of gatekeeping this movie b4 it drops in america and I'm losing it I need to talk abt it with other ppl but I'm also is it mean to want to hold it away from ppl who don't care abt spiderman and idk what they do draw weird porn of every new movie and ppl who will misinterpret it completely that feels selfish of me Anyways

THIS MOVIE IS A MASTERPIECE. literally it's art it's animation oh hhhhhgh it's so gorgeous I'm not kidding it's bresthestking (PAVITRS SWINGING!!!!!) but it's also just SO FUCKING GOOD. THE SCENES THE SHOTS THEY WENT CRAZY ON ENVIRONMENTS OH MY GLORD

ITS SO GOOD. ITS SO GOOODODDDDDDDDDDDD AUG

I'm seeing it again in like 2 days . I will not be satiated until 2024.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas!!

im gonna rant at you for a bit if you dont mind :)

Im a minor that lives in a super tight night, close minded community. Super religious, super homophobic transphobic ect. Seeing as im a teenage girl whose questioning their gender and is definitely attracted to women thats kinda problematic lols. Honestly idek how to explain the situation without a bunch of details, but basically, theres a fifty-fifty chance of me being sent to conversion therapy or just cut off from any internet access (and i mean ANY. i have a flip phone for fucks sake.)if my fam finds out im queer, i have no support system outside of some internet friends who know nothing about my situation, and within the next few years(so like once i turn 20ish, thats in like 4 years but whatever) my family is going to expect me to get married to a man and start popping out babies asap. Btw thats whats expected of me in this community, marriage under the age of 25, have like as many kids as physically possible and god forbid higher education. And im not okay with that . Ffs i want to go to college, major in fine arts, meet a person i like and fall desperately in love or maybe not just have a bunch of close platonic relationships i want cats and a dog and a cute studio in a big city where i can dye my hair whatever color i want aand get an obsene amount of piercings, i want to wear pants!! I just want to live. Without expectations or limits or people who love me hating everything they dont know about me. Is that truly so much to ask for?

And im incredibly dramatic cuz i literally have the dream life. My family loves me, my parents are upper middle class, theyve never hurt me before(besides for all the anti everything rants haha) i literally have a full sized bed, which for some reason i see as the peak of being spoiled idk why. I go to school, not even public, a private religious school that prob costs thousands of dollars, i have friends(who are all part of this community btw and id bet my entire savings that most of them think gay is only a word that ppl use to mean happy lol) close ones even!! I have adorable neices and nephews(my 3 sisters all were married by the age of 20, so i have 11 niecesand nephews while my oldest sister is 31) im living the dream life. But i hate it and i have no way out. No hope of college to get on my feet and find someway out, no people that'll help me fucking run away or some bullshit like that, hell ive considered it and then felt like shit, cuz what am i even running from? Im probably attracted to men it wont kill me to marry one. And i like kids, i wouldnt mind having any either. But.... i dont want to be trapped anymore. Cuz ill be honest thats what i am.if some one asked me to run away with them rn i would, no hesitation.

God im a mess😭😭 anyway this was me ranting in my notes app, im just apologizing for dumping this on a complete stranger(we're moots actually!!) albeit a very kind one :) i dont know what im looking for, but ill take whatever your comfortable giving ig.

I love and appreciate you<333

And hey this has been oddly cathartic so lmk if its okay for me to do this again sometime :))

"im living the dream life. But i hate it and i have no way out."

Hon, you're not living the dream life...there's a difference between financial privilege and being happy, you know? It's pretty clear that this isn't what you want.

I'm not sure if you're asking for my advice here, or if you just want to vent. But I care about you, and if you want me to research some things to try to help you, I'm more than willing to (that way it's not on your search history.) Just say the word!

Until then, you are ALWAYS allowed to vent to me.

I'm naming you venting anon in case you write again!

[istherewifiinhell]

Carrot Pineapple Muffins

The recipe for the muffins seen here, well. Sort of anyway.

Recipe as written, on a page from maybe a website or book? I just have a photo copy I reprint as needed (read: as the paper falls victim to mishaps)

1 1/2 cups flour

1 cup sugar

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

2/3 cup salad oil

2 eggs

1 cup finely grated raw carrot

1/2 cup crushed pineapple with juice

1 tsp vanilla

Sift flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and salt together in large bowl. Add oil, eggs, carrot, pineapple and vanilla.

Blend on low speed until all is moist, then beat for 2 minutes at medium speed. Half fill greased muffin tins and bake at 350 F for 25 minutes.

Makes 24 muffins. -Mrs. W. Atkins Agincourt, Ontario

Well thank u Mrs. Agincourt, the impact uve had on my life is not insubstantial. If you would like these muffins id def reccomend just making them as is...

however... u dont have a recipe in your life this long and Not Fuck With It.

Number One alteration that ive never NOT done (well maybe once by accident?) blend those pineapples. well it very well might be to ppls preference to have little morsels of pineapple in there. but a blended pineapple slurry just makes it like. applesauce muffins. just a nice moist texture throughout idk

Number 1.5 is u can make this a cake if u like. i guess thats obivious. BUT. Its good. i had this for many a birthday. ice that shit, normal buttercream please what is with the cream cheese obsession i dont know. do what u like but dont limit urself to expectation okay. Bakes into a nice really brown cake. U gotta bake this recipe like 'well done' if u want it to have any kind of structural intregrity so its kinda? crusty? i like it tho.

Number 2. ratios. in an impluse that im sure started in some healthy eating for the kids blah blah. but its just how i make it now. I tend to increase the pineapple and decrease the oil and use one egg? how much?? ehhhhhh..... like like a cup of pineapple. and 1/3 oil? does that math out? probably not idk. dont do it like how i do it maybe probably but thats how i do it

ALSO. MORE CINNAMON. Live deliciously. could go up to a tbsp of cinnamon honestly. Maybe even apple pie or chai spices. Could do whatever.

Number 3. definitional quibbles. "makes 24 muffins" whos muffins.... i find this tends to make me about 15 large muffins. maybe 16-18 if u want to be safe from over flow? and more if u want to fill em with a jam thing.

"finely grated carrot" using a grater with wholes less that like... idk half a centremeter gives me a bad time. u want like. chedder cheese size not parmesan.

oh also "salad oil" i use canola or vegatable. is that what it means by that? [makes i dunno noise] you could sub with various melted fats. there would be differences but not a big deal. butter or marg or coconut. whatever.

Number 4. Process. Oh mostly just I mix all the liquids together and then add them to the dry ingredients. (u could pop them all into blender together if u want) im mixing this shit by hand so u know. usuaully i do carrots a dry ingredient but that might not even be a good choice again ignore what im doing.

and again bake time. Ur really gonna want to check on them to to make sure their done. like toothpick check colour check whatever. their moist so its not a big like. over cook problem i think. AND i think theyre really good after sitting in the fridge or freezer and getting reheated (fresh baked goods are soooo tasty but a microwave is also a wonderful invention)

post thought. the jam. i dont usually fill these muffins usually i save that for applesauce ones, but i did last time. i tend to just heat whatever frozen berries, little lemon or lime juice. uhhhh maybe 1/4 cup of sugar? in a small sauce pan. how much fruit. ??? enough. i fill each muffin with like. a tablespoon. so idk. math that one out. needs to be a thick sauce! (however if its TOO thick then u also lose out on messy pick apart muffin treat. ur call) and chilled. if u wanna avoid Big Mess Muffin. lmao. u could swril the jam in or whatever else to but. effort.

[enlighten3d]

(this might become a tradition lmao of me throwing oc lore at you while you’re probs alseep) okok so the main families in the story are the beckett’s (we know all about them), the biswar’s (janette’s family) and the rivera luzardo’s (carmela’s family)! there’s another one but their not as important to the story at the moment!

Basically janette’s family’s deal/literally janette’s life story (so sorry this is so long akdhdl) is:

-Mum continued the family cult and roped janette’s dad/her husband into it

-When janette and her sister were born, janette’s dad up and left with janette’s sister Mary (name to be changed btw) and janette didn’t have contact with them until she was in her early 30’s

-Her mum made her life shit (its a cult what did you expect tbh/silly) meaning she was very reliant on her mum for most of her teenage years/early twenties

-Janette killed her best friend Huan Lin (cult reasons)

-Then her mum (who’s name is Diana) got really sick and was given a year left to live and janette,who was 25, was like ‘oh thank god i’m out of here’ and left before she could see her mum die

-And basically spent her late twenties running around the cities, trying to catch up on everything she’d missed in her very closeted life (music, alcohol, friends, work etc)

-Then her guilt caught up to her in the form of her best friend’s ghost and her mum’s ghost and went back home to the town that she was raised in to dismantle the cult

-that is basically where the main story starts but the dismantling of the cult isn’t going well (she’s basically started it up again)

YEAH SO. THATS HER LIFE? I was going to go into the other families but i will do that laterrr (janette was stuck in my head today) but yeah yeah as always any questions are welcomeee

yes this might and i am all for it, i love waking up to see Lore and eating it and replying to it like hours after ive seen it bcs i procrastinate too much

mary... why do i get the feeling that something Bad happened to her. its either that or she left and never heard anything abt this ever again and now lives happily on like... a fucking farm or some shite.

was janettes reunion w mary and her dad okay... were they Weird.. why didnt her dad take her too.. was it the courts. i bet it was the fucking courts.

okay but also DID JANETTES DAD (does he have a name? if not can i name him charles. /nf) K N O W ABT THE CULT STUFF?? HOW DID HE AND DIANA MEET?? DID HE FALL IN LOVE W THIS GIRL, GET MARRIED, EXPECT A HAPPY LIFE, AND BOOM, WEIRD CULT SHIT. SORRY BRO, YOUR SKINS BOUTTA BE STOLEN (yes ik that they (prolly) dont steal skin, its just funny to say it like that). or did he Know what he was getting into and think 'i can fix her'...... stares at him 👁️ What Is Up With You...

does mary know anything at ALL abt the cult......

.are the Cult Reasons the same reasons that carmela cut off ryans arm (i THINK those are the right names..). Are They. Are They.

the ghosts.. does everyone get a ghost ? or is it just the cults/ppl who got sacrificed for weird cult bullshit. can only ppl who are.. oh i cant think of the word so ill just say Attached to them see them? or it just everyone. or yeah, is it a sort of 'you knew this person + were instrumental in their death' thing.. (do ppl who died and then got resurrected (ahem, janette, ahem) get ghosts. do they see ghostly versions of themselves... (this is getting too close to the dsmp /silly) probably not, right. MORE OF A HEATHERS-STYLE THING YEAH?? GETTING TORMENTED??

bro the cult would have disappeared if you didnt Meddle........ oh well, L

does she get haunted by the ghosts to this day (i think she does?? you mentioned smth like that near the start i think)

damn janette. thats some shit indeed...

[slut4thebroken]

Hey same anon that was talking abt your speech👋

Im not saying its your fault that people pick on you, its definitely not your fault that they're assholes. However you said your tone was the main issue for this and I still think that that is something that's controllable. Again not saying this like it excuses them cuz it doesn't but im saying while adhd isn't something you can control, things like tone can be controlled.

And I wasn't saying all this so that you could accommodate for people, I was coming from the perspective that you could accommodate for yourself. Like this whole situation with the mean classmates, im a firm believer in saying something so they dont feel like they can continue to display their bad behaviors. (Side note: I understand masking is telling you to basically copy these people but the people you're copying are rude so im not blaming you)

But my advice wasn't that you mask. I have a husband who suffers the same as you and he used to mask with me and pretty much everyone in his life. I understand masking isn't ideal and I understand that you guys think about every little social interaction. My advice was to be comfortable with yourself but also look more inward and think that maybe you are rude during those interactions. Obviously I don't follow you around everywhere so idk how these things go. But from what I've seen from my husband is being comfortable with yourself and communicating things thru does wonders for both parties to understand each other and being comfortable with yourself id say limits the masking.

Also I figured id give you an explanation on why I thought you were rude since you were confused. I understand you were self hating in the moment but things that came off as rude and like you resent people were things like your tags when you said "so they should know by now that I cant fucking control it and thats how I talk" (which I totally understand this my husband was a jerk when we met too. The issue socially is probably youre too literal. Its not an easy fix but it is fixable from experience but saying things like "I can't control it" is very limiting towards yourself.) The reason this is rude is bc its rude to you obvi but also in your mind it seems like you kind of subconsciously expect people to just tolerate these things when they are not normal to "normal people" (you can educate me on the correct term btw cuz I honestly hate saying normal ppl I just can't think of what the correct term is called at the moment, im not hating)

You also made assumptions that people immediately get annoyed with you or think you're annoying and there was something you said abt people not feeling the same as you abt certain things you like. 1. Making assumptions abt how people feel abt you is always iffy cuz you just came up with that answer yourself you didn't ask them. It kinda shows how you view people or what you think they think which is most likely not the case. 2. For the not liking similar things, im not sure if these people don't have similar interests with you at all or what but a lot of times in life its not gonna be common to find someone with the same amount of interest in something as you do. Not saying its impossible tho I just wouldn't put that pressure on people. Them being fake however is a different thing but I wouldn't know if they were being fake with you or not. There's a lot of gaps with this because we don't know each other but im not trying to be mean or hateful and im not saying all this like its definite, you could take it or leave it. But I hope there's no hard feelings i just 1. Mainly wasnt okay with how you were talking to yourself but 2. I also did think you were being a bit rude to just people in general cuz ive been there myself. Obviously were different people and im not saying our situations are similar at all but how I took it was that while you hate these things abt yourself, you were also blaming people for things that are (whether we agree or not) in your control. But I could be totally wrong and thats okay.

I hope this didn't come off as rude tho cuz I dont intend for it to be but if it was im sorry. Its not often but sometimes I see things I have the full intention of just being helpful but I end up being the opposite. I do genuinely hope that these issues don't continue to bother you up mentally tho. (Also sorry that these have all been lengthy).

Please enlighten me on how that’s controlable. If you were talking nicely to other people, just trying to engage in conversation and be a good friend, and people constantly said that to you, what would you do? If you’re already consciously trying to sound nice. What else is there to do?

And I was comfortable with myself. My parents stopped saying I have an attitude when I was just talking a long time ago, none of my long term friends have ever made it seem like something that was a huge problem, even my ex understood that I literally just sound like that. But now I’m constantly reevaluating every interaction, trying to figure out if I actually sounded rude or if I just thought I did, or if maybe they reacted a certain way because my tone didn’t match what I was trying to say. And I’m fucking tired. I don’t know what else I should do when I’m already intentionally trying to not sound rude other than just not fucking talk at all lmao which I just realized that I’ve lowkey started doing.

And I am too literal… that’s why I don’t pick up on things like I mentioned in my original post. There’s nothing I can do to train myself to not be literal so I’m not exactly sure how I would fix that. The term is neurotypical and I’m not saying they should tolerate it but when I quite literally apologize and correct my tone immediately after saying something that could be seen as rude, I personally think it’s a dick move to continue to be mean about it rather than just say “thanks for the apology. Good to know.” And I appreciate when people tell me that something I said sounded off because then we can fix the miscommunication and also I don’t want anyone to think I don’t like them because of that one interaction. But after having this conversation (“wtf. You don’t have to be so mean about it.” “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be mean. I meant it like this__.”) so many times, I don’t understand why they would continue to respond like that. Some people have started saying stuff along the lines of “lmao girl that did not sound how you wanted it to” and I apologize again every time.

As for the making assumptions part, clearly you don’t know what it’s like to just be able to tell that someone doesn’t like you lol. I’ve delt with that my whole life (as have most neurodivergent people), I’m rarely wrong about that stuff for myself personally. And I understand that people have different interests… that’s not what I was saying. What I was saying was I don’t like how I’ll get excited about something and start talking about it cause I get riled up and then I realize that I’m talking a lot and that they don’t care. I’m not good at stopping that before it starts and the only reason I put that in the original post is because I literally did it earlier that day lmao.

It did come off as rude and it actually really hurt my feelings. In the future, maybe ask if someone wants help rather than giving unsolicited advice about a situation you barely know anything about. Never in my original post did I ask for advice, I was literally just venting after having a really rough day. And while I appreciate that it was your intention to help, you should just be more thoughtful moving forward.

[thehadesincident]

hi so im normal abt shin tsukimi being nonbinary. most of this is just hcs but this is real to me. read it undercut :3 i also touched on my hispanic shin and him being gay aroacespec by accident. whoops

to me at least. shin hasn’t really ever cared abt his gender that much, it was never really a big part of his life growing up so he never put thought into it or really had a meaning for it in his mind.

he is still transgender to me, he started exploring himself at around.. 14? i would say, it wasn’t anything much, just dressing more GNC, having fun with combining both styles of masculine and feminine clothing and all of that. in a way wanting to seem confusing but not at the same time.

he likes exploring and experimenting with how gender feels for him while hes older, but ya know how it is. it just, doesnt really seem right to pick a side with something you dont really understand yourself.

so thats where the quoigender comes in. its also called WTFgender which i find amazing. quoigender pretty much means that you cant really put a definition on your gender. so i think over time shin starts like. feeling more connected to that term for himself..!!

to me he uses any prns and any terms because of his like.. somewhat lack of care on how people assign a gender to him in a way when he meets new people, like the way that people think of him hasnt reallu been a big thought to him. until the death game which he puts up the front of  someone that is threating to survive but he still doesnt really care abt prns in the death game. a really funny idea is that everyone just uses a completely different set of pronouns for him and everyone just understands that its abt shin cuz of the tone in the voice.

theres also the whole… not really having an idea who you are with the hiyori persona in the death game but whooo cares abt that rn. something something gender playing into how he copied how he remembered hiyori acting like.. so acting more dramatic and the works.. 

and i also hc him as hispanic which.. can also play into his gender in a way. to me his mom is hispanic for context. she herself never liked the idea of gender roles but she never gotten a chance to break out of them..until she moved to japan for school, met shins dad and all of that. so when she had shin she wanted to make sure that nothing was being overly expected from him that fits into any of the norms.. she is also somewhat breaking without knowing but its whimsical for her. i need to talk abt the tsukimis more they mean so much to me.

not to get too ibto his sexuality in the gender rant but. i thibk he knew he was gay for a while, hes alaways liked boys for his whole life pretty much, he hasnt felt attraction to girls at all besides like.. the planotic “ohh ur pretty:)” thing you know. but then also the aroace spectrum kicks in. 

at least to me. shin hasnt really felt romantic feelings for anyone reallly. like he couldnt really place how he feels for ppl on a romantic scale if rhay makes sense, but like he has felt them in rare occasions, but nothing really happens lmao. so the plain term of arospec usually works.

im aceflux shin number one believer. its just really dear to me for some reason. it doesnt really breach out of the demisexual area that much but its okay he gets to have some fun with labels.

also no cisgender person only wears winter clothing all year long. he is most likely nonbinary but he has a minimum wage shift in the hour and is kinda doomed in a death game later so he cant care abt that atm. 

in short uhhh shin tsukimi any pronouns quoigender/nonbinary aroace spec gay real forever. 

[coveredinredpaint]

hi! my name is rex too and i think thats pretty cool

anyway, i was wondering if you had any tips on dressing feminine but like,,,, also being able to pass? or tips on being confident enough to not need to pass?

heyy that is pretty cool!!

im gonna be honest with you, i never really managed to pass before starting t. there were like 5 times ppl gendered me correctly but after that they immediatly "corrected" themselves. the only person who didnt was a toddler, i hope hes doing great.

all the tips and tricks ppl gave out never worked for me, never managed to figure out why, im thinking it was mostly my voice.

so i got absolutely no passing advice for you, but i can definitely tell you how to work on your confidence and say fuck you to societies ridiculous expectations

(it turned out longer than i distracted, i cant give concrete advice apparently my apologies)

tw: mention of bullying and some mental health stuff but nothing heavy

before i start i will say that it takes time. it takes time to learn and let go of this need to fit in. to learn to do your own thing even if you have to do it alone. to grow and learn who you want to be or are.

first we need to understand that expectations of how we should act or dress or look, whether based on our gender or not, are absolute bullshit. like straight up made up.

step one is kill the cop in your head. every time you judge yourself (or someone else) for something, ask why you care about that. most of the time its cause you have been taught in some way that what youre doing is not according to "the rules". this can be for the smallest things, like when i get really excited and stim about something i used to feel embarassed because "men dont act like that". sometimes i still feel that way. its not something you can just get rid of, so its important to actively affirm yourself that what youre doing is okay and that you are allowed to do what makes you happy.

dealing with yourself is already a hell of a challenge, but other people, that something else. i hope you live in an accepting area and i have heard many stories of people are queer fully accepted for it. but often thats sadly not yet the case. surely isnt for me at my school. there are people who are gonna make you feel like shit, who are gonna call you all the horrible things the voice in your brain calls you too. you are gonna wish you were "normal" sometimes, even if you dont really mean it.

going back to normal? going back in the closet? letting go of the clothes that make my feel better even on the most dysphoric days? fuck no, i finally started to get myself, my life back, im not sacrificing that for some teens whos names i dont even know. so you turn it around, no longer "why do they treat me like that" but "how dare they treat me like that" if they kick you while youre down you better bite their ankles and dont let go. most people who bully people who are "other" are terrified of what they see in us. we are living proof that their belief of how the world should work is very wrong. they call you a fag and a tranny? you better come to school next day in the gayest clothes you own. they call you an emo and bark at you? you better be dressed even more punk the next day. they may laugh at you, yell at you, even record you or push you around. it doesnt matter, they hold no power over who you are.

but please do not try and carry this alone. dont let yourself turn bitter. its is difficult to be treated like shit for simply existing. even when it doesnt hurt as much as it did its still exhausting. find someone to talk to, whether its a family member you trust, a friend, a mental health professional or other queer people online. its important not to suppress your feelings. get them out, by either talking about them or writing or making art or music.

know that its your life and you can live it however the hell you want. be kind to yourseld, be kind to others. if you are not where you want to be to right now you will in the future. cant really call it a life if you didnt live for it. it will get better, you just got to keep going and keep fighting.

[basslinegrave]

hhhgdh

how to hang out with ppl irl without them being weird to me? would love to go anon somehow (i guess its bad to be like infiltrating a space but i mean it as starting off with a clean slate?) because idontknow. lowkey argued with someone today (i was right i just said the facts they called me a smartass and said im wrong. nuh uh) i guess they just actually dislike me or something being against me so much, cause they never say hi back irl and i feel like the few ppl that are like that carry it over to others.. like ppl i met separately from the groups were so chill and nice to me and then suddenly didnt even wanna talk to me or say hi idk what happened i doubt its cause im not always active on social media/in group chats but anyway. id like to like... be more anon and get to know more ppl instead of coming into a group and them already having a bad idea about me for some reason. probably im just making it up and being worried for no reason but it feels like some people genuinely dislike me - and thats okay! cant like everyone! i just feel like it spread to others too for no reason....

once again just trying to have a nice experience in the local furry fandom! i should stop trying and just enjoy having what i got (the 2 people that i actually vibe with, im grateful for that!!)

i know im a weirdo probably. i dont think its bad to be like unhinged, im naturally drawn to such people and some are like that in the groups too, idk whats the problem maybe cause theyre mostly from the big city and see each other and im just an outsider that cant even attend events? idk? but if im like the socially unacceptable weird? am i? how do i get to know that

or do they know im evil and a hater 😳 /hj

also extra but obvs i dont know everyone right? im still fairly new in these circles so i cant know everyone! but at one con a guy came to me and we were kinda hanging out there (had no friends with me and its my usual thing to find new ppl like this), he was a bit awful to me but i didnt know at first, later i found out everyone just hates him cause hes a creep, i wonder if its partially a reason they think im like that cause i was with him?? cuz we met someone else too and they were annoyed, probably thought im friends with the creep... i did draw something for the other person after that and they were really nice during that, and in group chats its neutral, but i got to meet them quite recently again and they literally just like ignored me idk. i mean im not very talkative and am more introverted but i tried to socialize and stuff, but it was very much as if i was an unexpected (and unwanted) guest :/ well sorry i was invited! sorry i went to hang out with friends and socialize ugh

also thought about this today but people my age and younger we rarely are on good terms it seems like, there are few exceptions, but usually its people even just a bit older than me that are more chill and mature idk. gonna be ageist and expect anyone under 21 is gonna be mean to me lol