#and the only thing im confident in anymore is my love for fandom stuff

[bare1ythere]

-

[dansevilpianotea]

ramble ahead about time, tatinof, 2015 and changing one's life

tatinof is very special and im so happy they did this video to acknowledge that its not cringe at all and that theyre proud of their past selves !! there's sth genuinely healing about that !! ive had a hard time in 2015 and even tho i was 12/13 and just discovered that online fan communities of things i was into were a thing and was nowhere close to the phandom (i joined after BIG), this is the fandom internet that i joined back then. thats why its so poetic that they sing 'the internet is here', because to me this is the time it started to be there for me. it wasnt always kind to me and instagram was not a great platform to start on if your bullies and other ppl from school were also on it, but it was also when for the first time ever i realised that there were not only people who liked what i liked but that those ppl also have created their own culture and community online !! i was not totally alone !! there is a life outside of school !! i would never chose to go back to that time ever like it was horrible (that applies to any time in the past tho, i hate the idea of 'going back in time' with a passion) but im glad that the internet was there for me because no one else really was if im being real with you.

more below the cut because im an insufferable yapper (dan is a terrible influence haha tit joke)

this all is maybe why i find it hard to go back to watch dnps older content and also the stuff from the tatinof era. dan's sarcastic self-hating persona and phils innocent nerd persona are both hitting a bit too close to home and i want to both cry for them and for myself. we knew nothing back then. we were lost and yet did sth we were proud of. yet here we are almost 10 years later and how the fuck did we end up here but oh my god im so proud of us. all it took for me was to watch dan's coming out video. all it took for them was to be embraced and loved by their audience (us). dan also needed a break which is something that at the time it happend was really hard for me but then i found my wonderful lovely phannie discord friends here. we really all got here together and if i ever see any single person say that dnp hate us or dan hates it or that dnp are cringe or that we are cringe etc etc i will block you so hard because what are you even doing bringing up drama when in reality dan and phil and the phandom have developed the most remarkable symbiotic relationship between artist adn fans ever. they are our dads and i honestly just want to say how fucking proud i am of them for how far theyve come and what theyve done since 2015. dan really did the whole mental health and gay thing but then he did the mental health again!! and i think ywgttn and wad need to be given more credit here because idk if you remember pre-wad dan but he wasnt anything like post wad dan. every since wad he seems so happy and genuinely authetic and in peace. (im ignoring dystopia daily here because that was filmed before wad and his dd persona also reminds me too much of 2015 depressed dan than whatever high concept he was going for lol, im just not a dd fan). like wad changed his relationship with us and its warming my entire heart when i see dan smile so much now. he deserves to be happy and proud. and if dan deserved it after going through so much and coming out on top (literally), then i deserve it too. and phil? i love how he's just so confident now. fuck. (literally). he is not the innocent nerd anymore like he actually is fully really himself now and feels comfortable in his body (crop top, phlonde, etc) and openly expressing his sexuality ! even compare this phil to phil from the beginning of the hiatus!! he got so much more confident and relaxed since then!! like fully, really, if he can do it, if he can strip himself of the persona that ppl have attributed to him because of his anxiety, then i can do that too. im so proud of phil. he is an inspiration and the more he's being himself publically with no shame, the more an autistic phannie will feel hopeful for their future. im so proud of both of them.

like its crazy you go through your life thinking you're going nowhere and never making any progress and will never reach your goals but then you stop and look back what you were like 6 months ago and realise how many lives you have lived since then. it always goes back to BIG when dan said this:

[...] I thought I was trapped in a situation forever when in reality, the entire world I lived in and my life changed completely. I thought it was hopeless when in reality there was so much to hope for and that's it. Time changes everything. With the lives that we have, we can try anything we've dreamed of. I want anyone that's ever felt like this to realize you are never trapped. There is always hope. You just need to believe in yourself and get to the other side.

this everyone, changed my life. and i will never be able to thank dan enough for it, no matter how much i pay for tour tickets, how often i watch their videos or share my love for them on here. i just want to mention this because its never just 'light entertainment', it means the world to many of us and we have build a wonderful and loving community despite the hardships of the past and pointless discourses of the present. like, we can change shit for ourselves because we see these gay idiots do it who have done soooo fucking much in the last 15 years like they were on radio 1 and on a hollywood billboard and hosted various big big events. and yet, they decided they want to use their time to do things for themselves and their community. they have said many times that they havent made a profit from (parts of) their tours but they do it regardless. they do really love us and i dont think ive ever really felt loved by people who i was in a fandom for like that. its really not as parasocial as it might seem anymore. we got here together and we should be proud of that. i love dnp and i love you phannies so much !! 💕💕💕💕💕

[stargirlie25]

Ok scrolling through acotar tiktok KILLS ME. Its not the og tiktok with cool edits of ships that you prefer its just pure toxic hate.

Like me, you might have noticed there are few and few Gwynriel/elucien content then Elriel content. I don´t believe it is because they dont ship these ships anymore i think its because they are tired.

When i was neutral (about a year ago) on the ships wars, i would CONSTANTLY see Elriels being so confident about their ship and how acosf pointed to an elriel endgame. I had not read acosf by then and when i did+ the bc i didn´t hate elriel i just started to love Gwynriel.

Sometimes sarah likes to put positive factors on a ship, like something beautiful without there having to be a whole theory. Because sarah does not expect her readers to be theorists. She wants them to laugh,cry,giggle,scream. etc. So when she was writing the BC which according to elriels are not important she probably wanted us to look at Gwyn and Azriel and consider her obvious wording and differences between elriel and gwynriel. According to elriels the BC isnt important and does nothing to contribute into plots,but also it introduces Gwyns lightsinger powers? Whatever that is not even my point right now. My point is, at first glance at the BC everybody should be more positive towards Gwynriel. SJM put out a free bonus chapter. Why should something heavy like a characters powers be in there? Its supposed to be a light hearted thing. Im just tired of Elriels saying we are delusional or our ship is a crackship.

I never hated Elriel before. All the anti elriel stuff i have mentioned is everything i was already aware of before ´´hating´´ elain and az together. I was still neutral even with all those negavtives.

Its the fandom that made me turn around and choose Gwynriel. I noticed Gwynriel and Elucien content was much more surrounding pro content for their ship and cute headcanons,cannons,edits,fanarts etc. It rarely EVER mentioned anti Elriel information. Except the elriel content then and now, all revolves around Gwynriel and Elucien. Instead of promoting their ship, they have to tear down our ships and say we are crazy.

It was like: Elriel vs Gwynriel and it said that gwynriel was fanon and elriel was canon. Thats´ just false but i understand i cant change that which i dont mind but why scream about it to my face? I saw people bullying Gwyn and saying she was faking her trauma,lured in hyberns men or was evil for the sake to uplift elriel/elain. I saw people bully emerie too calling her a crippled fake illyrian and how it was stupid for emerie to win the blood rite against her cousin. Or how somehow emerie was a b*tch and does not deserve to be a valkyrie+ nesta and gwyn. I saw people make edits to uplift Elain and hate Gwyn. I witnessed people dismissing Luciens trauma and comparing him to his father. I saw people say he faked the bond to protect tamlin or what not. I saw people make up theories for Clotho saying she was odd because she said she was going to give Gwyn the necklace but probably didnt....

That was my last straw. So yes naturally i did in fact shift to the Gwynriel/elucien side. It was easier. Instead of the bullies i saw cute videos of ´´Azriel and Gwyn singing´´ or ´´Elain and lucien picking flowers´´ it was all just so lighthearted and beautiful.

Although i think the fandom for G/A and E/L decreased because they are tired. Because i was tired too. I did not even want to enter acotar tiktok because i knew we would all be bashed for it. Dont get me wrong i find myself sometimes leaving comments on Elriel videos. Not the ones with a cute edit or fanart the ones the share false information or something i disagree with. I only hope for a civil talk and next thing i know, there is a whole gang of elriels trying to push their narrative on me without listening.

Honestly the ship wars have always existed but before Elucien was the calmer side. Although sadly they got roped into the mess of the G/A vs, A/E wars. WIthout a doubt on every single Elucien video, elriels never miss a step. It would be a cute video like a fanart of them and they will start being like ´´ElAinS So UNComFOrtabLE aROUnd hiM´ like you guys ask us why we ship elucien when mentioning this but its like you dont even want an answer you just want to disagree. We tell you and you flat out ignore it.

As much as i love Gwynriel/Elucien i cant help but miss the days were reading ACOTAR was for all the characters. When it was just to see my favorites like Nesta. When i just desperately wanted to get to the iconic epic scenes.

I know if e/riel was confirmed, Elriels would firstly shove it in Eluciens and gwynriels faces and then maybe celebrate the characters.

I know Gwynriels/eluciens would too and i honestly want to see none of that. Yes i do believe we are getting Gwynriel/Elucien but i would not want to make people feel bad for their ship. They by all means can still love elriel. So many people like feylin,nesris,Aelin x chaol,aelin x dorain, and obviously aelin x sam (my endgame if rowan never existed) dramoine,klaroline,stelena,stiles x malia, Jelly,Bellarke,clexa,Rory x those 4 other guys etc etc.

Main point, Can we all just do better? Yes i am talking about elriels for my sake and lots of others peoples sakes but to everyone PLEASE.

I know that wont work though even if i say it because im only one human hahah

What im going to say is we should tag all our posts to our preferred ship and probably always put anti to the ship we dont like. That way everything is divided and less toxic. Also i will be tagging nothing to do with ship wars because i want everyone to see haha but please be nice!

This is just my experience btw im sure Elriels have has their fair treatment of toxic Gwynriels/Eluciens

[b1rdbra1ned]

Oh no I hate Fan too. Fan was not a good character in season 2 and he didn't actually face any consequences for his actions. Paintbrush was like the closest we got to Fan being criticised and people considered PB to be the one overreacting. Paintbrush is done so dirty because the fandom put their own belief about the bright lights being family even though Paintbrush never actually got along with them. They talked to tt like once, bickered with lb until the last ep they were in and then there's. Fan..

Also I think I hate fantube a little more after the theyrebasicallycanon polls put enstars against ii. Glad rinniki won they deserve the win against fantube imo.

Sorry I was tired of being critical of ii so I don't like it anymore 😔

But hiiii we haven't talked much in a while ik :(( I'm on holiday rn but feel free to talk to me if you want!

ALLLL OF THIS

Paintbrush was in every way in the right to yell at fan, he constantly bothered and nagged at them and the stuff about marshmallow was definitely the final straw

i only ever liked the whole bright lights family thing because honestly it could’ve worked imo!!! but they just never took that chance they never really developed the brights lights AT ALL most season (beside from marshmallow) the bright light felt more like the comical team (not really but can’t think of a better way to describe them) compared to the grand slams who definitely got way more focus and development

it’s shitty because i think the brights lights could’ve had potential but they were just casted aside until the last few episodes where “oh hey look development!! :] oh wait nvm they’re eliminated now <3” like ????

paintbrush definitely got the short end of the stick here. literally having what was supposed to be their episode mainly centred around tt and lb and having their feelings about marsh being completely casted aside. i wish more was done w/ marshmallow and them vs them and lb

looking back a lot of their scenes w lb just felt kinda off??? i don’t think can articulate this probably rn but paintbrush deserved better

but at the same time i wish the team got more time w/ each other in general, they have so many great opportunities to do it like in the maze episodes but again they’re kinda just cast aside as just comedy

and w/ s3 oh boy i hate what they did with paintbrush and their “arc” in the last few episodes. they quite literally and figuratively took away their edges, i miss sassy, sarcastic confident paintbrush they feel so dulled down in iii and it’s like no one in the writing team understands them at all. it’s like they didn’t even write s2 (but hey back to the point i mentions last post that show writers really ought to stop listening to fans sometimes because this is how fanon seeps in </3)

i hate how the a lot of the fans view paintbrush especially if it’s only ever in the context of lightbrush or shipping (another thing that pisses me off btw is how they’re always treated as irrational and or just plain out abusive FUCK PEOPLE WHO PORTRAY PAINTBRUSH LIKE THIS)

they’re such a great character who gets absolutely fucked over by the writing and fandom (not all of the fandom of course, i love seeing ppls takes and discussions on them but it’s just some fans who just </3)

i don’t like discouraging ships, if ppl are mature and respectful and don’t put other ppl down then that’s all great and stuff but my problem is that i really wish paintbrush was just seen as more than their ships yknow

Fan is.. the more i think about canon him the more im like yeaaa… uh no thanks…. (mainly w/ him and paintbrush and cabby)

idk if im even allowed to say they changed tt this season because.. she didn’t honestly have a lot of screentime last season compared to a whole lot of other characters, but in iii she feels off?? honestly all of them do even the new contestants later on during the season

idk if i have the words to describe why s3’s characterisation is so off and at time frustrating, their arcs too, was going to point out some characters but honestly i could make a case for nearly ALL the contestants the ones who weren’t voted out early at least

that’s the end of my ramble tho, sorry ik i talked a lot about paintbrush, i want to talk about the others too but they’re the one i still even think about. hopefully this isn’t a bit hard to read, ik im not that organised w my rambles sometimes

[trinkerichi]

TEKVENTURES! I wanna ramble about Tekventures.

if you remember them you qualify for a veterans discount

So they were Sgt.Frog ocs that my best friend SARAZA and I made on flipnote for edgy amvs and comics. I wanna say I wassss 13? give or take. But these little guys were my EVERYTHING. We thought of a billion stories about them. Then I got sick of drawing frogs eventually and wanted to make them more of an original thing. Our first sketches were of anthro goats, but over time with my style changes, an the fact that I hate spending more than 2 seconds drawing anything, they no longer resemble any specific animal and turned into fuzzy nondescript species of alien thing. ANYWAY I wanted to make them into a "real comic series" when i was 17. That's when I started the chapters that are still up on tumblr n webtoons! and a few other sites probably that I forgot about.

I've been harsh on it in the past but honestly I still love it to bits. What's there is a solid little comic and i still think it's adorable!

The only thing is, that's judging it based on what's there. It's a basis for a cute episodic thing with low stakes! Like the early mlp fim episodes or the new care bears cartoon. But that's NOT what it was planned for in the long term. Oh no, I was so ambitious. I had at LEAST 50 episodes planned which would weave together into this massive arc that would introduce other space teams, wayward space travelers with secret pasts connecting to the main cast, sad backstories for everyone, ALL of the family members of the main cast, a villian team with like... 'anti-versions' of the main cast, and a dramatically foreshadowed final confrontation with robot clones that want to destroy their planet. OH AND ROBIN too! Besides all that, they ALSO have multiple side story episodes about crashing to earth and befriending a human girl named Robin who has to keep them secret.

That might have been um. a lot.

But when you start writing a story with your best friend when you're 13 you most likely have NO CONCEPT of "too much". Who am I kidding I STILL have trouble pacing myself. But when you come up with a story it's hard not to think it's just GOLD! And that you've gotta keep it no matter what! Because that stuff is fun!

I went full force into the comic in my senior year of highschool and eventually I finished the first chapter! It took me a year. And then I looked at my plans for the other 49 episodes and thought "maybe I need to rework some things.."

I rebooted the comic once, tried making smaller stories, all that, but I wasn't quite feeling the same drive anymore. I realized I was comparing my work to high budget tv shows with like. a full team of writers and artists. and studio funding. and greenlit seasons and all that. And it was making me feel TERRIBLE about my art!

So I quit comics! I started hating comics! I hated how long they took and how restricted I felt (with my own expectations) and I lost my confidence in finishing projects because I was so sad about giving up on my big magnum opus. and I just kinda gave up and started only doing fandom art for a couple years. I did a jyushimatsu ask blog and kept it up for ages! And then a new season of Osomatsu came out and I realized when comparing it that I was basically writing an oc at this point. And that I CAN commit to long term projects if i dont get self conscious about it!

I still didnt wanna jump into comics again. But I thought of some new characters that I was becoming attached to. the very very beginnings of what could turn into a new idea.

I thought "well i still love cartoons about space! even if im not making tekventures anymore maybe i could do another space story. a really tiny one."

so i started making an rpgmaker game! and it started taking forever. so in the meantime i made a really rough doodle comic about how the characters first met. as a little side story thing.

and THAT was the key. I had to stop thinking about it like i was making a big cool tv show and starting my career and all that. its just a fun thing, off the cuff, not overthinking it, just for fun and personal expression.

so im still going with it! and its GREAT! Rocket chip has 12 planned chapters, and I'll be halfway done by the end of the year.

But BOY did it take me forever to learn that.

[brandnewhuman]

KAMSKI'S

DEVIANCY

STORY

∆ headcanons ∆

STARRING:

- my new favourite traumatised gen Z man -

(honorary mention to Gavin Reed and his aggressive gremlin vibe)

CONTENT:

Tw: childhood trauma, talks of abusive parents and implied nasty accidents, drug abuse, angst so much angst and no fucking comfort.

Summary: just me and my nasty little thoughts on how our brosky grow up

A/N: OFC I COME BACK WITH A POST AND THE FIRST THING I DO IS ANGST. I got too carried away with this stuff and i ended up deciding on maybe doing a part two if anyone would be interested. And yes, I didn't wait for the poll to be over cause I can already see this was everyone's favourite choice. IM ACTUALLY KIND OF NERVOUS CAUSE ITS BEEN SOME TIME SINCE I'VE POSTED SO HAVE FUCKING MERCY BROS anyway enjoy

///

This man as well as Gavin has a really big trauma baggage going on

I genuinely think that the Elijah we see in the game, while not entirely good with high morals like Connor, is not as bad as everyone is making him to be

He is the definition of fake it till you make it when it comes to confidence

I'm like 109% sure Elijah's family used to struggle with money or they never had to worry about it

there's no in between

I base that on the reason he "left" (mf was booted out of his own fucking company lol) cyberlife

Which btw, leading a whole fucking company when you're still a teenager wasn't fun, 0/10, he would not recommend

He has been taken advantage of in the most horrid way possible and I think that's why he is now that type of person who never does something for nothing

He has never shown an interest on making his creations for the sole purpose of profiting from them as much as he can

He has always wanted to do much more even at cost of not getting any financial benefit from it

That says two possible things

He has seen the effect money has on people and hates the idea of turning out to be money hungry like his parents, sacrificing something much more important and dear to him just for the sake of money

Which can come from either his parents pushing him so much just because they knew he was their only chance to get a the life they wanted and the sort of money they struggled to make

Or because he has seen how his family has ruined lives or relationships for the sake of keeping their high quality life and how they have pushed that idea onto Gavin and him too which ended up in Gavin not being looked after most of time since he was not fitting their standards of heartless high achiever from whom they could get something too

I would probably tend to believe more the poor background because of how Elijah presents himself

He's very laid back even tho he has the means to be more fancy

The few things ones see of his house during the game makes me believe that he's not very much into opulence but more in indulging himself with stuff he gets joy from rather than spend money on things that show off his wealth

And because I want to, like as a treat to myself

MOVING ON

I've already said it but I'll mention it again for context purpose

Gavin and Elijah are siblings. I know many in the fandom say they might be cousins but I like the siblings idea more

or it could be full siblings but because Gavin resents Elijah he just changed his last name so he wouldn't have to be associated to him or his family

Either way they don't get along anymore because how their parents treated them which is why they grow apart

They were not the type of parents who physically abuse but they did emotional abuse their kids

Gavin and Elijah were put against each quite a lot and they never got the chance to fucked up or do what they really wanted cause they parents made it very clear that their love and affection depended on how much the kids met their standards

And even between each other they weren't the best example as either adults, a couple or parents

Which ended up making Elijah's social interactions and relationships very difficult

I can see Elijah being one of those really delicate and surprisingly sensitive kids growing up

Like I feel like he had struggled a great deal with regulating how much and how often he showed emotions and because of that he got bullied a lot

LIKE HE WAS THE TYPE OF KID TO ALWAYS BE SO EXCITED WHEN TALKING ABOUT STUFF HE LIKED OR ALWAYS READY TO GIVE HUGS TO ANYONE

Which ended up in either getting his feelings crushed by people telling him he was annoying or not even listening to him at all

The only person who always had the patience and the willingness to match his energy when it came to certain things was Gavin

They absolutely defended each other at school even tho Elijah almost always ended up eating shit because he wasn't as strong as he thought himself to be

Bro got his physical demonstration of affection bullied out of him cause kids are cruel, adults are shit and my man here didn't stood a fucking chance

IN FACT i bet he got to a point where it genuinely weirded out when his parents tried to hug him or touch him in general cause he already learn that wasn't "their thing"

I truly believe he didn't always give a single flying fuck about androids and being a scientist in general

I bet he wanted to do something more artistic as a kid and he was very good at it but his parents always told him that being an artist is not a real job and it's a useless hobby because it doesn't gives you anything to live of from

So he just like kind of made being extremely good at school his whole personality

Like he altogether stopped having any type of hobbies ecc and if he did he just forced himself to not indulge in them

Which ended up in isolating him even more from other kids

He was basically already an adult when he was supposed to just be a kid and have fun

And obviously,besides Gavin, no one really understood him

He was too emotionally stunted for kids to relate or interact with him and adults were just overall condescending with him

The only time teachers or other adults noticed him was because of his academic results

It was Gavin who accidentally planted in him the idea of creating his own friends

Gavin loved to read classics and that's a hill I'm willing to die on

He stopped because when he started working he didn't had time

Elijah's enjoyed reading too which, again, was Gavin's doing

His favourite book was obviously Frankenstein

Which btw the Frankestein shirt he wears in the game? That's 100% Gavin's gift and he wears it as some sort of lucky charm

That was the one he used to borrow more frequently from Gavin

The thing went more or less like this

They both were arguing about whether or not the doctor went too far with certain things and, most importantly, if the creature did really deserve to live or not

Obviously Elijah took the side of the monster and Gavin said that of course he was siding with the creature since he did too acted always like he has been alive for like two days instead of 13

Which lead to Gavin making a reference to bicentennial man

Which he didn't understand cause he has never saw that movie before

One thing lead to another and Gavin made Elijah watch the movie which was what sparked the idea of androids in Elijah

YES, HE WAS INSPIRED BY THAT MOVIE AND NOT I ROBOT. THAT MOVIE WAS ABSOLUTELY HEARTBREAKING AND IT'S WAY BETTER ROBOT REPRESENTATION THAN I ROBOT

At that point Elijah was already like a fucking genius and was way ahead his grade even tho he didn't think until then what career he wanted to pursue

The problems between him and Gavin were already starting cause their parents started to notice how smart was Elijah compared to Gavin

At first he thought it was unfair to him because they didn't let him have fun or go out like Gavin

They pushed him to his limit and there have been a couple of incidents where, if it wasn't for Gavin that cared for his well being despite what was going on, elijah would've ended up really bad

then he started to notice how it was unfair to Gavin as well

because they were actually just not giving a flying fuck about what he did since it wasn't important anymore

It made him sick with guilt to see how their parents were visibly struggling to even do the bare minimum as parents when it came to gavin

And Elijah was already starting to have other type of troubles

being that young and skip grades where you ended up in a class full of older people wasn't the best and he did start to take very poor decisions just to make himself liked

It was some sort of silent rebellion too

He started taking drugs which initially were meant to just help him show his classmates he was "mature" enough

And then he just started to need them to power through everything he needed to do

He was so hellbent on his idea of creating a sentient being that could emulate humans if not perfectly even better that he didn't even care what he had to do in order to achieve it

And at that point both Gavin and Elijah hated their parents so he had no problems in using their "help" to get what he needed

I personally believe, like I said in the other post, that something really fucked up happened between Gavin and Elijah which resulted in a major fallout between them

Maybe it's because lately I've been thinking about hereditary (idk why since I have never seen the movie but whatever man) and the fact that I've seen the parents go batshit crazy because the son accidentally killed her sister (?)

BUT I'M UNFORTUNATELY HAVING THE WORST IDEA EVER

Elijah's parents are overprotective with him not out of love but out of interest cause exploiting your kid is always a great family bonding activity to choose

And they try to keep him and Gavin as apart as possible cause they think Gavin would "ruin" him and his future with his influence

So I feel like Elijah was pestering Gavin to sneak out together and do some cool teenager stuff he didn't get to do before as an attempt to bond with his bro again

Elijah was high as kite and that mixed with stupid teenager ideas and reckless rebellious teenage behaviour doesn't mix well

Long story short Elijah and Gavin got into a pretty bad accident and Gavin (fortunately or unfortunately depending on the point of view) got out of it without much harm

But Elijah did got pretty fucked up bro NGL

I can see how that, the fact that Elijah was not there to testify the fact that Gavin didn't do anything wrong and that it wasn't his fault, and the doctors finding traces of drugs in Elijah system obviously didn't ended up well

You can imagine their parents reaction

That was the point where I think Gavin broke off contact with his family completely and just got the fuck out of there

Like I said I can imagine Elijah carrying the guilt for the rest of his life and has never actually had the courage to try and contact Gavin after that

THERE'S SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO SAY BUT I FEEL I MADE THIS TOO LONG SO YEAH

[crowrelli]

my gf finally saw a piece of your old it au and was in love with how you drew them and the whole concept but was so mad to hear that people were awful to you about things in it. i still think about your art of that little group all the time too and it still breaks my heart that the whole thing is so upsetting for you. you deserved so much more. you really did. even if you dont answer this due to it being related to that (which is understandable bc of how much it deeply upset and hurt you), please know it was my favorite au of them all and i'll forever hold it in such high respect.

im literally sobbing anon oh my god!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭not to get poetic or anything but it really shakes me to my core sometimes to think about how much i loved that story and how many people enjoyed it given it was my first real big project. (did u know theres people out there with custom superloser tattoos?? its insane!!!) and to know that it still hangs around in peoples minds and lives brings me unimaginable joy and pride in spite of all the people who tried to wreck the beautiful experience.

i like to think that the stuff I went through, the stuff artists like I went through back then, to push for more open trans headcanons and representation, only to get a wave of hatred and hurt from people who just couldnt handle others being proud of themselves, opened the door for so much growth to happen in fandom AND lgbtq spaces.

It was horrible, and i wont lie and say it didnt almost take me from this world, but I think Im a better person for it!! I learned to straighten my shoulders, meet their eyes and tell the angry, nasty, bitter people out there that I wouldnt be shaken by them anymore.

and all i ever wanted was at least one young queer person to see me and learned to stand a little straighter, a little stronger, and a little braver at the end of the day <3 and who knows! maybe somewhere in the future, ill want to pick it back up!! until then i can rely on the messages like yours to keep me confident in the impact and community i made for a silly little story about a bunch of losers <3

[solar-halos]

20 Questions: Fic Author Edition

omg <3. thank you for tagging me @bodyelectric77<3 <3. ive never done this before so this is so exciting :o)

1) How many works do you have on ao3?

45. damn!

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

601,692

3) What fandoms do you write for?

the hunger games / ballad of songbirds and snakes mostly. sometimes total drama island lol

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

a deep dive into the mind of annie cresta

get a load of this monster

a collection of encanto what-ifs

eat my heart out with a spoon

u focus on the wrong thing and it shows

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i love responding to comments! it blows my mind that there are people reading words i wrote and taking time out of their day to be so sweet! <3

6) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probs you hurt my head like cheap red wine

7) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

queen of crabs, it's the silly awkward first date antics odesta deserves <3

8) Do you get hate on fics?

no (thank god)

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

i tried writing E rated smut once but one thing about me is that intimacy makes me laugh out fucking loud (like i always try to do bits like im wearing the crown of clowns it can get very awkward) so whenever i write anything smut-adjacent im incapable of writing it sexy i just kinda feel silly the entire time. perhaps its the asexual in me

10) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

nah. but i think an umbrella academy and succession crossover would fuck

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

nope

14) What's your all-time favorite ship?

percabeth <3 (sorry odesta but on my first read thru of the hunger games i hated annie for no fucking reason and developed a hc that johanna and finnick were having an affair.. but that is a convo for another day. LOVE them now tho obv, but ive been shipping percabeth since day 1 theyre so cute and in luv)

15) What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

tbh prob the odesta greek au. i love the concept (siren!annie is very important to me) but im just not in a greek mythology mood anymore

16) What are your writing strengths?

sometimes when i write emotions i feel like as a reader you can look at it and go "oh okay. i know that feeling" which is awesome

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

i am in love with run on sentences. "no its just a stream of consciouness writing style" baby you just wrote something that's mostly just em dashes and semicolons and parenthesis. also i don't know how to describe stuff so thank god for the internet bc i link outfits like my life depends on it. ive always struggled w writing locations too. and ive been wanting to get better at writing bits

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i tried doing this with a mags fanfic i wrote bc i hc that d4 spoke spanish before the first war. there is literally only one sentence in spanish though bc i knew for a fact the phrasing was correct (at least in a casual, conversational setting) but i do think it's really cool when people write d4 characters having entire convos in spanish even though im not confident enough in my langauge skills to do it myself. also i just don't think d4 would know how to speak spanish in canon times, prob just affectionate terms like mija/o or mano or chula. like stuff that doesn't rlly affect how the capitol understands them. i get into this in the fic, but i think even by mags’ generation spanish would stop being a common language in d4. like i love the sentiment of her carrying a piece of that w her but i don’t think the capitol would let them get away with that and it’s also Not Easy to remember how to speak a language you only learned as a child and then never used for the rest of ur life, which is what i imagined happened with her + her gen. like. me and my siblings only know english bc the moment my dad moved here he was like “okay. English Time” and that stemmed from the pressure to assimilate can you imagine if the actual law got involved. anyway this answer got long but i have a lot of thoughts about this sorta stuff, esp in d4

19) First fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson lol

20) Favorite fic you've ever written?

don't keep the devil waiting, old friend. tbh this answer changes all the time any fic im currently working on is automatically my fav lol

idk why i feel a bit silly about tagging people directly, so i am informally tagging anyone who wants to do this sorry i hope this isn't a cop out <3. ily

[rsirpeu]

Hiya, I'm purries, or whatever nickname you decide to give me. This is an account, this is a welcome post, you're on this page right now, hiya.

Heres some things about purries, I really like starter Pokémon, I think if you spend enough time around me, you would get sick of hearing about starter Pokémon. Humor is funny, I like finding the fun in stuff, I think its nice to have a bit of fun in life. I'm just a really shy in general and social interactions can be pretty spookey for me, though I won't murder you if you try talking to me, it'll just take a while for me to get back to you.

Mhm, purries does draw mhm. Trust me <:) You could say I'm an art-ISH (I love drawing, but I'm never confidence in anything I make anymore, which is why I never have a consistent art style and only really upload things I'm proud of (which is rarely)).

Here's a cool list of things I'm vErY interested in:

(I'm putting things in bold so you know what to expect from me at the moment xd)

Pokémon

Danganronpa (specifically DRA and a bit of other fangans)

Touhou

Persona

If you like, wanna request art or just wanna know what I think about, anything in fandoms, my asks are open, im bored and I'll happily answer anything (that's legal), though it'd be pretty cool if you mention anything in the list above. :)

Thats it, that's purries for you. Me go nap now.

(This is an edited post of the 'welcome post' here before, since I do things other than Pokémon now, the tags were a stupid idea, and I feel like it barely was a welcome post.)

[creativebrainrot]

open journal entry #idk i lost count lol

chatter about friendship as a concept to me and my mental state i guess?? idk man i proofread this like five times and i dont even know what i said anymore 👍

i feel like i dont always communicate myself well and that I come off like i only care about fandom sometimes. I worry about a lot of stuff but only time will tell and I'm not on borrowed time or in any kind of toxic situation anymore so I finally have room for worries to just be worries.

light mentions of abuse, and my abusive father

I worry a lot. I worry I won't get the chance to become closer with people whose friendship I value a lot. I worry I'll get left behind or be forgotten. I worry I'm annoying, that I talk too much, that I've mis-spoken too often and all of that shit.

I've spent so long feeling like I'm living on borrowed time that will run out sooner than I think, that it bleeds over into my perception of stuff like friendship. it ends up making me feel like I have to start to "speedrun" the "correct milestones" while I "still have the chance." that I'll fade from the lives of people I'd really love to become closer with one day. And it's just an anxious feeling, I don't ever act on it. It's just kind of There, in the back of my mind.

I hate that I had to deal with a father who weaponized my honest vulnerability every chance he got so cruelly, that now I have to fight through so many layers of panic every time I want to say something as simple as "im glad I met you." And I never say it because of how much it hurts. It hurts to be vulnerable and honest like that. It's not bad if I get an opportunity to say something like that, I'll leap on those with ease. But if it's just me, offering that vulnerability all on my own, I can't do it. Not yet.

And I know that it's the warped perception I was left with from all his bullshit he inflicted on me that causes that panic, and it will fade eventually. I've unlearnt more than I can list here since making friends last December.

I wish I had more to share about myself because I think that would make it easier for me to feel like I'm showing that I genuinely care about my friends beyond screaming about ocs. And, y'know. It'd be nice to have a life I like enough that I want to share it. I often worry that I don't come off like I do care outside of that. And I do, I just don't really know how to show it yet. I'm not very good at starting conversations yet. Atleast, I don't have enough confidence TO start conversations yet.

It's a bit of a silly worry but I've struggled with feeling a lot of fear about "being left behind" for a long time. It bleeds over into my perception of friendship. I get frightened that I'm "not doing it right" or that just generally I'll be left behind or forgotten or people I'd like to get closer to will lose interest before I can tell them that I feel like that.

It's hard to be the one to start conversations about life because I have genuinely never had a real life social life yet. I haven't had jobs, I haven't been in school as I was home-schooled, I haven't had a chance to make friends my own age in person ever. All that lack of experience means I don't really know how to talk about what I conceptualize as "life things/topics."

There is no "one size fits all" approach to friendship as a whole, and I know that. I just, get scared. About "ideas" I guess? It's just anxiousness. General worry.

It's hard to not worry at least a little bit, when I've never had friends before. I had one when I was 8 for about 2 months if memory serves. They moved away shortly after I started talking to them. I never found another person my age I really clicked with. I was too scared of social media to use any of it. I never consistently talked to other people, that's a new thing that started last December.

I guess my real worry is just that I won't get a chance to grow closer to friends I really really want to. My worries will ease when I have the confidence to start or atleast attempt to start conversations with people. It petrifies me for now, I've kind of had an idea in my head of "not being good enough to be confident" in myself and my interests. Insecurity is a big thing I'm grappling with lately. Slowly but surely I'm finding solutions.

Idk if there's a point to all I've said. I guess, I worry that I don't properly show that I care enough. I wanna do better with that. I worry that I come off like I am only interested in fandom and fandom-adjacent stuff.

The main thing that causes me to worry that I'm on borrowed time, is the kind of games my father would play. He'd treat me normally for a week before going back to ignoring me and making me feel insignificant, invisible, unwanted and annoying. Then he'd be back when he wanted his ego stroked. Whenever he wanted to feel like "a good father" again he'd be back and treating me normally.

I have trouble sometimes with reminding myself that this time, I'm not on borrowed time.

I can just ask how they're doing when I think of it. I'm just too scared to at the moment. But, like a lot of shit so far, I'll move past my fear.

It'll get easier. DMs are way less scary now than they were just a couple of weeks ago. Step-by-step. I have the freedom and safety to take it step-by-step now.

[spookyc]

*spoilers for heathers the musical and danganronpa 2 goodbye despair*

*tw for mentions of death and suicide*

Okay so I know it's been a minute since I've posted anything substantial so here's this:

I've got an heather's au for dr 2 that id like to share. Its not a completely fleshed out one but I have a good idea of most of the main characters in the story. So the easy choice would just be to make hajime, veronica, and make nagito, JD. Especially nagito for jd with the whole, well, bomb thing as well as them both being mentally unstable and having rough childhoods. Hajime fits the role of veronica because, like veronica, he wants to fit in and not be ostracized constantly. More specifically though, it would help him become confident, which is literally his whole arc in the second game. The heathers and the rest could then be determined by a lot of different characters and so on and so forth. I respect this interpretation and it does make a lot of sense, however, I would like to propose my own interpretation.

Let's start with the two main characters, veronica and jd. So for my au, I have decided that fuyuhiko will be veronica and peko will be jd. Let's start with my choice for jd. So, after my binge of the second game's playthrough, I remember that one night I was listening to heathers, specifically the song, our love is god. And as I listened I realized how similar peko and jd actually are. Now to preface, I'm not saying jd and peko are the same character, jd attempted to bomb an entire school and peko simply made the calculated decision to kill in order for fuyuhiko's safety to be assured.

What i am saying though, is that jd and peko's thought processes are very similar, and if peko was just a tad more unhinged, they would be hard to distinguish. How are they similar? Well, first you have the whole, "I worship you" mentality. Now, peko doesn't necessarily kiss the earth that fuyuhiko walks upon but this could be connected more to their actual relationship. That of a master and his servant. I servant must serve, much like a believer would to a god.

And right after that line jd says, "Id give my life for yours." Which peko literally does in the canon story, she gives her life in order to save fuyuhiko, and even protects him with her body in her own execution. Secondly, they both are delinquents, or socially awkward. They are both standoffish and seen as intimidating by others, and they both don't exactly know how to communicate well. Thirdly, they have somewhat similar backgrounds. Jd lost his mother, and peko is an orphan, they both know what its like to not live with parents, or at least not favorable parents. For example, peko had to constantly interfere with mr. and mrs. kuzuryu fighting to insure fuyuhiko's safety. And jd and his father have a tenuous relationship, with jd's father mostly being a near non-present force in his life. Additionally, im sure the leaders of a yakuza clan weren't exactly doting parents.

And lastly, their mutual feelings of self worth, or more so, the lack of it. Both jd and peko believe their lives to be meaningless without the existence of their veronicas. The only good things in their lives are their veronicas, and they would do anything to hold onto that happiness, even if it resulted in their deaths. But enough about jd and peko, what about fuyuhiko? This may seem like an odd choice and solely made on the prospect that jd is peko, but that isn't exactly the case.

While yes it seems unlikely that fuyuhiko would bother himself with the heathers, or even have a martha, i think it fits more as a visual metaphor of his character growth shown in the game. Its just that in this au, he's a popular dick that learns to be a better person after his gf dies, which is almost what happens in the actual game, minus the popular part. But mostly I'd like to tie in fuyuhiko's role as veronica when it comes to jd. This is where the similarities really start to shine. This is shown mainly in the song, seventeen, where veronica yearns for a normal relationship and to just be normal kids that aren't surrounded by murder. Sound familiar? Well it should, that's literally fuyuhiko's whole speech near the end of chapter 2.

I doubt this needs repeating since this scene is the equivalent of the g note in the dr fandom but for the sake of the argument I will go on. Fuyuhiko in his parting words says this, "You didn't need to be a tool, you just needed to be yourself." And, "I never wanted a tool, I just wanted you....Only you." Which is him saying, "Peko I don't what you to serve me, I don't want this kind of relationship. I just want you to be yourself, and I wanted you for you, not to be a tool for murder." Which could then easily be implied that he doesn't want to murder anyone anymore. This is a near exact mirror of the feelings expressed by veronica in seventeen.

Sure im probably looking into things a bit, but still fuyuhiko's speech near the end of ch. 2 and veronica's feelings in seventeen share a lot of similarities. Both veronica and fuyuhiko simply want to have a normal relationship with their respective partners, but this ultimately fails because their partners worshiped them and this fatal misunderstanding would lead to their deaths. As for the others, I don't have nearly as deep anlaysises of them and I don't have all the characters but I'll briefly discuss my choices for the heathers, kurt, ram, and martha. Also, this is purely in the universe of dr 2, so possible better choices for characters in other games would not be possible in my au.

So heather chandler is the ultimate imposter, this was a pretty obvious choice, while the UI isn't quite as big of a dick as byakuya he's still a jerk, but more importantly, just like in the game, he is a great leader for the heathers and without him the other two descend into chaos. Now this pick is gonna be a strange one but I will explain. I chose mikan to be heather duke. Now I know yall may find that to be an unfitting choice but I personally chose mikan to be heather duke mainly for the shine a light reprise. This is because I chose heather mcnamara to be hiyoko.

Most of the other girls also didn't fit this role, akane would be hard to see as any of heathers and I also think she's far too carefree to urge someone to commit suicide. Ibuki is completely out of the question, and considering how her death looked in the game it would be quite ironic as well. Chiaki also wouldn't make sense for obvious reasons. Mahiru also would obviously not make sense either and she's already a choice for another character anyway. And lastly, sonia wouldn't fit either. I could see her having a secret nasty side but I dont think she would tell someone to commit suicide and she also was always kind to hiyoko even when hiyoko lashed out at others.

And just to cover my bases, I don't think any of the boys would fit either. Maybe kazuichi or nagito but kazuichi is too much of a pussy and nagito would be more likely to say that stuff about himself rather than direct towards anyone else. Heck I could also even consider that after the ultimate imposter dies that's when mikan reverts back to her personality as the ultimate despair, so instead of her reverting because of some disease it would be at the death of her "friend" and the role of leader getting into her head. This would then influence her to tell hiyoko to commit suicide, causing peak despair and blah blah whatever. Hiyoko as heather mcnamara was a pretty easy choice thanks to lifeboat, it also especially fits if you consider hiyoko's backstory. She's the sole daughter of the saionji family, which is a very prestigious family in dr. This along with her talent as a dancer means that she is held to a much higher standard than other kids of her age and that she goes through constant pressure each day due to this standard.

"If I say the wrong thing, or i wear the wrong outfit, they'll throw me right over the side." This is what hiyoko has to deal with on a daily basis from her family as well as her fans. She also could likely be projecting this fear onto the other students. Alright, last three. For kurt and ram, I chose mahiru and sato and if you want my honest opinion it's literally just because peko gets to kill them both in our love is god and that's pretty much canon in the actual game. I say pretty much because, technically fuyuhiko is the one that kills sato but this is an au and that's honestly a pretty minor fix.

Lastly, I haven't thought a lot about martha's role in this au, but if I had to choose it would most likely be kazuichi, he fits as the social outcast and especially as the frequent punching bag for the heathers, especially considering that hiyoko is among their ranks. And that's about it for my dr heather's au! This post definitely went on longer than I intended but I had fun with it and I think you guys deserve a lengthier post since I haven't made as many actual posts besides birthdays in a hot minute. Let me know what yall think of this, and if you'd like to hear me infodump about more of my dr aus or thoughts than I would be happy to oblige.

[dipplie]

Temporary list of my stories and OC’s until one day I make a comprehensive and well made list:

Blinded:

Polli: My oldest OC and fun fact was my persona till she become edgy and I wasn’t 12 anymore. Everyone’s favorite yes yes I’m aware. Yellow, energetic, eats dirt and bugs, I can’t tell if she’s evil because of a wisp possession or just crazy. Breaks the 4th wall. Is she a Mary Sue???????? Who knows.

Melody: NOT Polli’s girlfriend despite Polli’s delousions. Has an abusive mom :(. Only has one eye and then no eyes and then robot eyes or smthn idk she becomes a badass when she gets older. But otherwise trembling in her shoes all the time.

Melodys Mom/Sharren: Bitch. Okay well all I’ll say is she’s old and grumpy and probably smells bad.

Louise: Total hotty, rich kid, FtM, got bullied as a kid for his weight. Had a squad of fans basically in high school. Lived with his mom after his parents got a divorce but his mom was semi abusive, projected her femininity onto him, and wouldn’t have been supportive of his transition, so between middle and high school he went to live with his dad and got his sex change and testosterone. His best friend in elementary and middle school stopped talking to him after his transition, and became his competition for the most attractive and sought after boy in school (except Louise is a sweetheart while his friend Tommy is a dick and really gross) His dad runs a company that specializes in technology, and after meeting and falling in love with Melody (even after all her abusive trauma and losing both her eyes) he has his dad and some of the developers create a way to get her vision back and I mean honestly I love him how could you not love him he’s so perfect.

Watching:

Fick: Big nerd boy with thick glasses. I feel like he’d use Reddit but don’t quote me on that. Big crush on Vivinya. Boy don’t wander into the woods- oh look dead body with a curse on it don’t touch it- aaaand now he has a wisp that makes him kill people, way to go kid. Panic attack central.

Vivinya: True crime girl, yucky yucky. Probably had a knife collection. “uwu I’m insane” except she actually is and starts using Fick to kill people for her and treats him like her “Yandere boyfriend” or something cringe and gross oh god. She deserves jail. JAIL. Needs to learn guys need to give consent too. Just overall sucks 1/10.

Tommy: I mentioned him early to be Louises ex best friend and rival. He used to have a crush on Louise actually but that don’t excuse being a BITCH!!!! Also needs to learn people gotta give consent he is just as gross as Vivinya. Cheats on all the girls he gets with because he’s again, a bitch. Idk if he deserved to get murdered though I mean he was still a teenager but it’s fine. Thinks of the song Seventeen from Heathers actually this story does feel a tad reminiscent of heathers with vivinya being a crazy and wanting to off a bunch of students. Huh.

Suzannie: Tommy’s older sister who’s a detective. What a coincidence. Monotone and depressed. Probably because her little brother got murdered. Gets real awkward when she’s talking about her brothers murder(s) to Fick and Vivinya like “when I find who did this to him they’ll regret being born”. Kind of really pretty actually.

Adolescents (there isn’t actually a story here yet but don’t worry about it shhhh):

Nelson: HIMBO HIMBO H- Jock stupid idiot big dork god he’s so awkward and his main personality trait is having a crush on Naomi and being a dork when talking to her. Probably could benchpress you.

Naomi: Gamer or something and a nerd geek. Her main personality trait is having a crush on Nelson and also being a dork when talking to him. Probably a weeb and fandom dweller. Can’t draw but she commissions artists to draw. She does write copious amounts of fanfiction though.

Andrés: Ohhh the school bad boy babyyyy. Baseball bat with nails in it or something. There’s like... A thing between him in Charlotte and he wants to be a thing but she’s being difficult and makes it hard to talk to her or about her and ugh.

Charlotte: Princess, high school princess. She’s actually pretty nice when you get to know her- but she’s a diva. Ballerina after school. Best friends with Naomi and doesn’t know what she’s talking about when she mentions ships or OTPs but she listens anyways because she’s a good friend. There’s like... A thing between her and Andrés but she doesn’t know if she’s super into him but geez he’s really hot but she gets such mixed responses when she asks her friends about it and what if it doesn’t work outttt.

Marlon: They/Them but they’re okay with either pronouns they aren’t sure yet, he or she is okay... Box boy box boy. Autism... He doesn’t want to admit He’s attracted to men but he’s totally attracted to men. He lives alone which is probably illegal for his age but somehow he manages. Everyone thinks he’s “the quiet kid” and he’s really sad about it no don’t make jokes like that please guys ahh-

Sing for Me:

Kat: The color pink, addahadda(adhd), angry and loud and short. For being only like 10 and being an adorable little lesbian dressing in sparkly pink dresses she actually likes screaming a lot and would totally sing heavy metal if her producers let her. Loud and mad but gets so soft around her girlfriend. “If anything happens to Brie I’m killing everyone in this room and then myself”.

Brie: French... Birds and stuff. Loves her girlfriend even though she is so loud. So fast. So much. Likes to write pretty things. Is only like an inch taller than Kat. Filled with so much love for everything.

Elliot: The girls manager. Lots of coffee. Stressed out of his MIND please help this man. Probably gay. Seems like a smug dick but he is just a tall and lanky dork that loves puppies and wants nothing more than for Kat and Brie to be happy. Accidentally brands them as sisters and then Kat kisses Brie and- oh fuck oh shit oh no what has he done. Hides the fan and non fan responses from them. Poor guy.

Horror Hosts:

Ichabod: Hot demon who’s the son of the current ruler of hell or something. I mean he’s hot, smart, and royalty, what more do you want. I very specifically hear the dub voice of Kyoya Ootori from OHHC as his voice don’t @ me. Goat legs????? Yeah??? Don’t be rude.

Barnabie: Ohhhhhhhhh big orc teddy bear I’m crying I love him????? He puts up a more confident ploy and the given stereotypical personality orcs supposedly have but he’s just a shy boy that wants to give girls flowers and call boys pretty. Help him.

Garrison: Gary Burger. Fat hairy gay man. I mean werewolf. Wouldn’t it be funny if I made the whole werewolf thing backwards and made him transform into a HUMAN only on the full moon??? Party animal, pun absolutely intended. LOUD AND FUNNY he’s a dork. Bites. Horny on main Garrison please you’re supposed pamper and flirt with the guests but not quite that much.

Vincenzo: Token Vampire but he’s Italian because I felt like it. Talk and lanky of course. Bitch face. Blood coffee? Yeah lots of coffee. Tired. Let him sleep in Ichabod. Steps on people. Can summon and reanimate corpses but has a bitter attitude towards them because they get annoyed with him as much as he gets annoyed with- everyone else. He does have a soft spot but idk where it is. When he’s talking to guests he’s more suave and sexy though.

Kai: Genderfluid haha get it because slime fluid-... I’ll stop. Probably objectively the hottest because they can look anyway they want and shift their vocals to sound like almost anything, also probably objectively the best in bed (if you’re okay with the texture of Jell-o) and honestly come on save some for the rest of us it’s not fair. This boy can SING oh my god seranade me and whisper in my ear baby. Spunky and sassy.

Hallvor: BABY OCTOPOD BOY OHHHHH I LOVE HIM HE’S SO SWEET AND IS AN ANGEL DARLING BOY SO EMBARRASSED SO SHY SOFTEST VOICE OHHH- ohhh nooo he’s got a knife ohhhhh Hallvor baby don’t be like that ohhhh... Used to work in hentai actually (I wonder why) but quit because of immoral practices and good for him we love that. Okay he’s not actually a yandere or whatever but he DEFINITELY wants to squeeze you a little too hard and has those crazy eyes.

Carla: Main character of this OHHC monster clone. She sucks I don’t like her because listen listen she kills monsters as a living and when she tries to kill our boys here, Ichabod catches her and goes “no” but then the rest (not knowing her murderous intent) fall in love with her and Ichabod is like: “shoot well I’ll keep you alive and around but I’m watching you” and blah blah romance and feelings and character development and wow she seems like she’s grown to care about them... So Ichabod removes a curse he put to prevent her from harming them or leaving... AND THEN SHE STABS THEM ALL IN THE BACK IM CRYING. I mean she might have an extra reason for needing to kill them but I haven’t decided if I want to actually put it in the story yet so.

Fingertips:

Maria/Marianna: Was this goth angry chick and the head of these losers but after a failed heist, fire, and being betrayed and dropped from a window on a 3rd or 4th story down into flames, and going to the hospital and changing her name, she changed totally and become a soft pretty girl... And then the next three boys went “HEY BOSS WE FOUND YOU” and she went “oh no” and now she’s just an anxious wreck like “no no no no no I don’t shoot people in the face anymore no no no no no” And has a fear of hands. Also was Diamontés best friend in primary school and yes all these characters went to the K-12 school all the other characters do/did. Pretty voice. The story is mostly about her being anxious around all the other characters because who was it that betrayed her and dropped her into the flames below? Find out next week on th-

Nikki: He’s that character that you see and immediately go “oh he’s gross and is angry and is a bitch” and you’re right he is and has a cockney accent and screams a lot and probably swings a knife around a lot, but he’s got a sweet interior (somewhere in there... somewhere) Screamo heavy metal. Him and the rest of these character briefly talked about having a band and then they didn’t and then at the end of the story they do and although he plays guitar mostly, if he does do lead vocals he screams a lot. Bitch.

Anthony: Pretty boy but like the “was in the army” pretty boy vibe. Probably played football in highschool. Pyromaniac. Punches Nikki a lot. Almost gives himbo vibes sometimes, almost. Kind of likes the old timey cozy aesthetic. Plays the piano sometimes but “oh I’m not very good at it” Plays extremely well

Diamonté: TALL. Purple goth boy aesthetic hellll yeahhhh. CRAZY EYES AND THEY SPEAK VOLUMES WATCH OUT. Drums. The scary kind of quiet because he just smiles at you. Crowbar. Okay but he’s actually really sweet though. Secretly loves watching Anthony and Nikki get into fights so that’s why he rarely puts a stop to it. I think he’s a sadist. Can be a gentle giant, but can also be a not so gentle giant. The only time he’s really talkative is after copious amounts of booze.

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: Literally a pimp and he’s pretty gross. Blonde hair and pink and white clothes.

Unnamed/Undesigned 2: Chick that likes to throw knives and be angry and threatens Marianna a lot but in a quiet and monotone way, Marianna is pretty scared and hopes that these are just shallow threats uhhhhh.

Unnamed/Undesigned 3: Sells guns (without a lisence of course) and wears a bandana over his face a lot. Tired. Grumpy.

Unnamed/Undesigned 4: Like Marianna, was cold hearted and cool but then got caught in the fire and got all soft. He only has one eyes but how sweet his eyepatch is a heart. Recoved along side Marianna and they are good friends good friends tha- wait Marianna are you going back with them oh god you can’t do that oh dear oh no oh-

(I don’t have a story or name for these two but they’re my comfort ship OC’s and my current hyper fixaction right now):

Rodriquéz: I literally designed him with almost all the traits I find attractive in a guy other than freckles so as you can imagine I find him super HOT. I also designed his personality on what I find attractive from a guy so as you can imagine I find him super GREAT. But anyways he’s grumpy and closed off and monotone and smug. I really could go on for hours about how I want him to step on me I’m so sorry guys. Both him and Samantha give the “21 and having immature fun” vibes. They’re a thing but they like going to bars together and splitting off and doing their own thing (or doing someone else’s thing if you get what I mean haHhahHhahGahGhaha-) But so help them if anyone doesn’t oblige by the “no” from one of these two, someone’s gonna get beat up.

Samantha: (She literally just my personality shhhhh don’t tell anyone it’s a secret) Bubbly, energetic, a little shy by extroverted, bombshell blonde or something? It took me way too much time and effort to design her but I’m really happy with how I finally designed her, I love her outfit. She could kick me in the face and I’d say thank you. Girly drinks at the bar. Got that trauma and anxiety™️ secretly though. Skips and jumps a lot. As I’m typing this I keep looking up at the drawing of her and more and more I would want her to also step on me.

(Space Story I don’t have a nice title for):

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: So... Funny story this story originally was with me and uh... My ex I guess... So I gotta replace the MC’s... Whoops ahaha... Awkward. But anyways the MC is a robot and a girl and is a slight tsundere or smthn.

Unamed/Undesigned 2: Has a space ship, works for this organization in space that protects the galaxy. Is cocky, lazy, sly, oblivious, and an idiot. The love interest- obviously. Probably accidentally committing space crimes. (Like space pirating hAHAHA-) Kind of cool when he wants to be.

Dandelion/Dandy: CAT. WITH A JET PACK. Kind of an asshole. Fun fact used to be Polli’s cat but then when the Second MC crash landed on earth she was like “fuck this noise I’m going with space boy laterz” (okay she can’t talk but she thought it).

Zizii: Lesbian alien? Yeah???? Okay but I mean her main character trait is being a dorky back alley doctor and engineer obsessed with the MC because they’re a sentient robot with emotions and a lazer arm and rocket boots WOW!!!!!!!!

Story I want to revive:

So I had a story I started writing a long time ago about this tech theatre kid that had a crush on this other theatre kid character, but in a play that other character has to kiss another person for the show, and as the story progresses the MC convinces themselves that it isn’t just a play and that their crush actually loves and is kissing that other kid. And in the play, that other character is supposed to die. Show night comes along and they die, but like actually, and by the hands of the MC (Idk maybe like a light falls on em or smthn). So it’s a grotesque scene the audience sees as just an act. (Mutters I dunno I think my idea’s cool...) So I’ve been wanting to design these characters and work more on the story but I’m busy being obsessed with Rodriquez and Samantha so. (And the Horror Host Club too I love them too still).

Other Characters that either don’t have a specific story or are kind of like background characters:

Jacqueiliquinne Merril: Sara Berry vibes from 35mm (go look up The Ballad of Sara Berry, maybe like an animatic idk the first one that comes up is nice) But otherwise rich, pretty, popular, bitch. Tries to like, steal Louise from his squad and it’s like bro that’s unnecessary who hurt you that’s so rude. She gives Nui from Kill La Kill Vibes too. Oh she knows her name is long and annoying but you have to say the whole thing.

Brianna: Jaqueiliquinne’s sister. Big titty goth gf??? She’s pretty popular too and kind of a bitch too but to a much lesser degree. Her and he sister throw hands a lot when no one is around, you know, “THEY GIRLS ARE FIGHTINNGGGG”.

The Louise Fan Club: 4 characters I haven’t named yet. One writes fanfiction of Louise and shares it with the others and with him sometimes and although he thinks it’s a bit weird he also finds it a tad endearing and supports her. One is an aspiring photographer and is constantly asking Louise to model for him. One is an artist and draws Louise all the time. And one is an aspiring musician who writes songs based of Louise’s relationships which again he finds a little weird but endearing and supports her.

The Jacquiliquinne Merril Fan Club: Genderbent-ish (I say ish because one of the characters is a little bit less defined gender wise) versions of the Louise Fan Club. Yes I’m lazy, and no they don’t get along with them, infact they hate each others club with a passion. 

Unnamed/Undesigned: I wanna make some hacker kid just because I wanna have one.

Unnamed/Undesigned: I also really wanna have a super cutesy magical girl and then a really super duper generic boring character probably like star vs the forces of evil idk I never watched that show but it looks cute.

Me: I exist in the universe fukc you I can do what I want it’s my story and I get to chose the who also if you wanna be in the mess of a universe go ahead draw yourself with my OC’s I allow and encourage and appreciate it. I literally made the Horror Host Club as a sort of Harem story and you are absolutely allowed to make out with them if you’re a monster fucker DO it GO ahead it’s canon.

and that is ALL I have FOR now Knowing me I’ll make like 12 more characters by July, and I mean I need more characters for the high school anyways so...

[fantastic-rambles]

Here's a lil input on the discussion about Reki.

I do get what you're saying about "got it" being more of a consideration than a promise(tho i perceived it as more of a promise at first), i don't think that actually matters because the reason behind Reki's behavior isn't Langa breaking his promise(and nor it is him being jealous of Langa's abilities). All of that stems from him losing his sense of self-worth. He was aware of Langa's potential before, and was absolutely ecstatic about it. Also i think he would've been pretty chill if Langa "broke" his promise to him if he wasn't doubting himself so much. Reki making Langa promise him not to skate against Adam is out of pure concern at first. Like, as much as it can be infuriating to the receiving party, if a person thought that doing X would make smb dear to them potentially harm themselves, they sure as hell would do anything to prevent that, even if it's smth that that smb wants. Later tho I believe Reki thought that Langa breaking his promise served as further proof of him not having any worth as a skater, and he's not angry at Langa but rather at himself(him yelling at langa not to apologize to him during their fight) for being so upset with Langa (and at this point wanting him to stick to that promise is sorta Reki's attempt at trying not to get left behind. He thinks that Langa deciding to skate against Adam means that he doesn't need Reki anymore).

As to him avoiding Langa at all cost and breaking his own promise to Miya of not disappearing on him, I also think that that kind of behavior is a given considering how he feels about himself. Interacting with a group of people(especially Langa) phenomenally good at what he himself loves so much but can't be as good at is straight up painful, so naturally he'd try to avoid them as much as possible. He does realize it's a shitty thing to do tho, based on how he ponders about what to say to Langa("how i acted so terribly against him") when he goes to meet him. Him not being able to apologize out loud is another thing lol. But i think Langa at that point already had an idea on what was going on with him, so Reki actually hearing all the truths from him that he himself had forgotten was much more important. That being said im actually pretty satisfied with their reunion :D I just really hope Reki apologizes to Miya later.

Anyway i hope this makes sense at least a bit, cuz Reki's character is written so well too imo. Him eventually breaking despite his happy-go-lucky personality and then finding himself again is GOOD stuff lol :D

So... I’m not opposed to justifying Reki being a jerk as long as you’re not opposed to justifying Adam being an asshole. -blink-

I’ve been trying to keep my content in line with the majority fandom (anti-Adam) argument that problematic behavior is problematic behavior regardless of the reason for it since I don’t want to deal with hater drama for my love of Adam, but that means I’ll look at all the characters with the same critical eye, which is why I can’t gloss over how problematic Shadow is either. But I’m not going to be hypocritical and apply one lens to characters I like and a different one to characters I dislike. (Or at least, as much as I can, I try not to, though I obviously have my own preferences and biases.)

So if we’re gonna talk on the premise that people’s backstories/traumas/mental states are valid reasons for the way that they act, then yes, Reki’s actions are understandable (if extremely obnoxious, to me, because again, I don’t generally like child/teen characters).

Reki obviously loves skating, and from the start, he has an inflated sense of ego, such as when he’s bragging to Langa about how he learned how to do an ollie faster than average. So it’s all the more crushing when he sees how fast Langa picks up skateboarding and when he completely loses against Adam, who didn’t even take him seriously. He legitimately thought that he was a “good” skater, but after Adam shows up, in addition to the appearance of Cherry and Joe, as well as a parade of others including Miya, Shadow, etc., his confidence is entirely shattered. Yeah, he’s probably a bit better than the average skater, but he’s clearly not at the level of the top skaters: Adam doesn’t even remember who he is because he’s so unremarkable. xD

And like any angsty teen who can’t deal with the reality that he’s not special, he lashes out at others and blames them for his failings. And that’s why he ends up being such a jerkass towards Langa and Miya. He is entirely selfish, not caring about what Langa wants, just to try to keep up his feeling of self-importance that’s crashing around him. He’s afraid of losing his new friend: not to injury (though that was part of it, when he first tried to persuade Langa not to race against Adam), but to more skilled competitors, and of being left behind, as you said. In school, at least, it doesn’t seem like there’s anyone else who is really interested in skating, so Langa’s the only one he can really talk to, share videos with, etc. But when he feels that Langa is slipping away and striving for a higher level, he gets jealous and tries to issue an ultimatum “me or Adam” and also tries to guilt-trip/gaslight Langa by accusing him of breaking a promise he never made (imo). And that has the exact opposite effect of driving a wedge between them. Again, highly obnoxious and toxic, but understandable.

And no, he’s definitely jealous that Langa and Miya are better than him. The whole reason he has his whole angsty “go hang out with your cooler friends” thing is because he’s not a top skater, even though he wants to be. And he struggles to accept that he’ll never be at that level, especially when he really did think he was special, so instead of confronting the problem, he chose to run away from it, no matter how much it hurt other people. It’s also not an uncommon reaction for people in general, to avoid things that make them uncomfortable.

But even though I understand all of this, I still don’t like him as a character. I don’t hate him as much as I did pre-episode 10, but he’s still not “likeable” to me because the way the situation was resolved was so superficial. I agree that he probably has the second-most characterization/development after Adam, and I am glad that he’s made up with Langa (and will probably make up with Miya), but he’s just such an... ordinary character. A typical, obnoxious teen who needed a smack in the face with reality more than Cherry. xD

Adam is a far more terrible person, yes, but I enjoy him because he’s entirely open about who he is and owns his actions. He doesn’t apologize for the things that he does--in part because he has no moral compass, at least currently--but also because he is absolutely truthful with himself and with others, at least when it comes to skating.

[1-800-i-ship-it]

khun modern bf headcanons?

Hmm oof i am probably not the best person to be asking this cause I dont write fics or anything but I’ll do my best

So i realized that i just wrote plot stuff but im posting anyway cause i spent way too long on this ahaha 

apologies in advance for typos that I'm too lazy to go through and correct

Enjoy the headcanons that i wrote later + plots that i originally wrote and went on a long tangent on oops

Headcanons:

Khun would be that subtle overprotective boyfriend 

He’d just kinda silently watch from afar but he’d totally kill anybody who hurt bam in any way, shape, or form

But he’d like be SUPER sweet with bam like

Pet names yall PET NAMES like khun and bam would prob both mutually melt when they call each other pet names

Khun would always help bam with hw and whatnot, let’s pretend bam’s a physics genius cause thats just how i imagine him in modern life, always has trouble with law class (he’s  taking it just for khun so he can understand what khun’s talking about) so khun helps him

Khun would be a super smooth talker, can woo a n y b o d y, exceptional at speeches, captain of speech and debate team

Khun would never admit he’s jealous but like the whole gang would know (except for bam who’s clueless as usual) 

Like bam is friendly with everybody so khun’d just be like ugh screw yall 

But then bam always confides in him and spends a crapload amt of time with him so he knows he’s just doubting himself and he’s mad at himself about it cause he knows bam is loyal to a fault and would never betray him

When bam gets older bam uses this against him hehe

Khun would also be that bf that everyones jealous of 

Everyone would want to be with khun but he only has eyes for bam

Ignores everybody else who hits on him

Side note i still stan top!bam and bottom!khun 

Khun would also be super thoughtful and goes out of his way to help make bam’s life easier whether its doing chores or smth etc, and each time bam smiles at him and expresses his gratitude khun’s heart would melt for the 1000th time

But like secretly khun really likes confident and sexy bam

They’d probably roleplay ngl (let ur imagination wonder~)

Khun would enjoy just spending time with bam :’) just cuddling and doing mundane things, they’d be super adorable together, hugs and kisses and ah just too cute-

Khun secretly likes bdsm and bam knows this 😏they switch roles from time to time, i cant decide who’s sub/dom

Khun would plan a super elaborate proposal to bam but then somehow bam would catch him off guard and then khun would just blurt it out when they’re together <3

Khun’d always be up early to cook for bam, they both morning ppl tho khun’s always sleep deprived bc hes also a night owl 

Khun is shy with pda in public but eventually he and bam decide they dont care anymore and just hold hands and act all lovey dovey to the point where shibisu cant decide if he’s a proud dad or if he wants to throw up, rak is always proud of his turtles, endorsi and hatz literally want to throw up all the time and would die before admitting that they secretly approve of khunbam

Khun is all around a model bf that i am sure half the fandom would be willing to date but im sorry guys khun’s taken cause he’s only got eyes for bam~

Plot things/idk what they’re called:

CEO!khun and intern!bam

Assassin!khun and assassin!bam who eventually get together and destroy the corrupt system

Gdi i thought of so many while having dinner but i forgot

Hmmmm

Imagine bam as jue viole grace like forced to work in a gang or smth and then khun as the gang boss 

I totally dont have a thing for badass assassin themed things pls dont judge me

Teacher!khun and student!bam (ofc it’d be near graduation if u get my drift...😏)

Idk why i thought of this but imagine idol khun o.o wait YO idol khun + assistant bam

Tutor!khun and student!bam 

I feel like im literally just saying the same ideas

Theres a reason why im not a fic writer :’)

High school sweethearts -> angst bc parents dont approve, sad forced breakup, no contact -> get back together when older after a time-lapse when they’re more mature, heated reunion 

Best friends bam and khun since preschool, since they were in the womb, PINING, both of them scared to admit it cause they dont want to ruin their friendship, meanwhile the entire gang is betting on them getting together (aka mainly rak and shibisu betting, hatz, endorsi, anaak, (insert s2 and s3 gang dont wanna spoil) everybody etc)

Uni students with khun as a law major and bam as a cs major (both geniuses, nerd bam), roommates *insert smirk* lots of pining, blushes from them casually changing in front of each other...the rest is up to ur imagination

Khun and bam as rival sports teams coaches 

Age gap!khunbam (not a lot, somewhere between 5-8 yrs), with bam as the younger one who kept saying that he loves khun but khun just laughs it off bc bams a kid but then khun sees bam after he comes back from college and bam gets a massive glowup from clueless cinnamon roll to clueless cinnamon roll hottie who only has the hots for khun (still) and then khuns all like “fuck” *dies inside*

Single dad khun, bam as a daycare employee who keeps getting flustered by khun, khun takes interest in bam bc he doesn’t ask nosy questions like other ppl, and bam has these mesmerizing golden eyes

Tailor/dry cleaner owner!bam and office worker!khun who constantly needs his clothes to be altered so they fit exactly how he wants them to (this eventually results in awkward moments and blushing), and also dry cleans like his countless number of suits and dress shirts and whatnot

Author!khun and publishing assistant!bam (is it even called publishing assistant honestly i have no idea but u get what i mean right), khun never signs books but bam convinces him to 

Poet!khun and uni student!bam as a literature major who’s a big fan and wanted to meet khun at one of his signings but is too shy even though shibisu drags him there, accidentally bumps into khun in the bathroom, is all flustered, ends up talking to khun for super long, khun loves bam’s enthusiasm for the subject, offers to give feedback on bam’s poems, bam is literally about to combust, they have lots of meetings and khun flirts with bam who’s clueless but blushes a lot anyway, they kiss *ahem* the rest is history

Spy!khun and bam, khun realizing he doesn’t want to hurt bam, sends fake info back to his country (ruled by eduan and jahad), eduan finds out (sent khun out in the first place bc khun was a threat to him cause the ppl liked khun better), sends out an assassin to get khun, who knows this and escapes with bam somewhere, some complicated plot taht idk how to figure out but you get the drift, eventually khun rules the country with bam

Real estate agent khun and contractor bam, eventually start their own business together

Khun as student pres, also known as the ice king bc he’s turned down dating everyone who asked, bam as the transfer student who catches his attention  (bam with more of a jue viole grace complex), the silent physics genius who is also on par with khun when debating in speech and debate club 

Khun and bam as besties, always do their hw together and hang out after class (cause bam always needs help haha), something leads to them fake dating, eventually real dating 😏

Khun and bam as besties, always do their hw together and hang out after class (cause bam always needs help haha), someone (rachel, DO NOT KILL ME I HAVE A REASON) asks bam out and he doesn't know how to say no (the rest of the gang egging him to date cause they know khuns gonna be jelly) khun goes and sulks, eventually bam gets hurt and manipulated by her, khun is pissed off, rachel is reported for abuse, khun and the gang fight for bam, khun is there for bam all the time, after a while bam asks khun out of the blue if khun likes him (shibisu let it slip that khun is gay bc god knows bam is oblivious af), khun is shocked but says yes bc he cant hide it anymore, bam says he always loved khun but thought khun was straight (bc of some dumb rumor someone said) which was why he ignored his feelings and agreed to date rachel bc he just wanted to distract himself, lots of cuddling thereafter, they get together, rak wins the bet for when khunbam will get together, khunbam gets married

oh man that became way longer than i expected...anon i hope u enjoyed that? half of it prob made 0 sense ngl and idek if i answered the q properly?

kudos to you if you actually read like all my rambling :’)

[aurltas]

author interview tag (!)

aaAAAA ty to @backcountry-deltora for tagging me!!! much loveee <333 i haven’t been looped into a tag game for so so long and this is making me feel 10000% better about the fact that i have not written a single fic related thing in MONTHS o)-( but i love to talk about writing and myself so here we go,,

Name: i went by crystal silvera on ffn and here for the longest time so a lot of ppl know me as crystal but my Real(TM) name is dani and my ao3 name is auritas so like take ur pick haha

Fandoms: currently in mxtx hell (im a mdzs main, to the shock of no one) but my og fandoms that i am still very much attached to are deltora quest (the OG og), young wizards, the raven cycle, and yuri on ice

Where you post: ao3 alllll the way babey (but i originated from ffn and still have some stuff up there.......it’s Not Good tho)

Most popular one-shot: oh boy i knew this was gonna be a popular one bc i only wrote like?? rambly reflective thematic pieces(?) before this, my First Attempt At Fluff lmao. even then, But we’re alive (because we bleed) still exceeded my expectations by far in terms of reception, probs bc mdzs was such an up and coming fandom at the time and i posted it right on the crest of that cql wave

Most popular multi-chapter fic: obviously where the light goes, also known as my beloved CHILD !!!! i don’t write multichaps anymore but this is 2 long ass chapters so ig that’s Technically a multichap haha,,, yeah i knew this one was gonna be popular for the same reasons as the previous one + the very intentional tipping of the scale i did here with the balance of fluff and other things. like this is just pure distilled sugar it’s so so fluffy

Favourite story you’ve written so far: oh mannnn i gotta say where the light goes. especially that first chapter, just,, damn. what was i ON ?? its so good!! what the heck!!! quite proud of my metaphor work there, even if balancing prose/poetry feel is very stilted at times . in terms of that balance i think i did a Really good job with and neither did the both of us bc i went back and reread where the light goes for inspiration and i was like “oh god this is DROWNING in metaphors i need to lighten it up a little”

Fic you were nervous to post: i was nervous about where the light goes bc i had such high expectations going in, like i Knew people were craving what i had but i was like, did i do it right?? will this be my breakthrough in the mdzs fandom??? and it sort of was and sort of wasn’t, which,, fair. also SUPER nervous for astriferous bc i had written it all in like, one (1) day and it was for an exchange LMFAOOO (and you can really tell it was all written in one go......it was only when i hit the end that it got Good)

How you choose your titles: when i write fic i’m often scrapbooking a TON of different things together so titles are often just whatever it is i’m already drawing from. there are a few exceptions, like here, then, begins the mending, or and i need nothing more where a phrase popped into my head during the writing/drafting/brainstorming process and i was like OH THAT’S REALLY GOOD. TITLE IT IS

Do you outline?: usually only if it’s plot-driven, like my (incomplete for . Reasons) (ok i was being pestered bc i took it as a prompt and my promptee was. hm) YW multichap equilibrium, for which i outlined EVERYTHING. it was so annoying but i also lowkey liked it because these were MY messy outline notes and i could go as ham as i’d like

Complete: everything that’s posted !! except equilibrium ofc . that’s gonna stay where it is unless by some miracle of nature i get my momentum back for it

In progress: i am working on another jaslief oneshot!!! and for my mdzs folks i have been working on a rly long lesbian songxiao oneshot for a Very long time and it’s . mwah (i showed it to one of my friends and she lost her mind so i think i can say that with confidence)

Coming soon: probably nothing until i’m released from ochem/thesis hell hahahahahahahaaa but if anything were to come out this year it would be the songxiao most likely !

Do you accept prompts?: not after what happened last time !!!! ;o; until i’m done with school altogether, i really need writing to remain something For Me

Upcoming story you’re the most excited to write?: i wanna finish my jaslief SOOOO bad oh my god . i put in so much self-indulgence in there and used what i learned from where the light goes to make it REALLY good n thematic. like don’t get me wrong i am also so excited for my songxiao but i wrote it with some uhhhhh Influence from things i was going through irl and it feels weighty now?? idk i’ll work it out eventually,, i’ve also had oubing fic brewing in my head for literally a year and i REALLY wanna write some pynch in the barns/cabeswater content. let me write about dreamthings and nATURE

Upcoming story you’re most excited about?: bold of u to assume i read multichapters anymore HAHAHA i rotate through the same library of 100 one-shots i have bookmarked now......but back when i did read multichaps i was REALLY into the work of iruutciv + orchids_and_fictional_cities team from yoi, they were absolute LEGENDS and their fic and miles to go before i sleep changed me as a person lmao (i also did read part of their ongoing but monsters are always hungry, darling and i’m actually still in their discord for it but it is SO so intricately crafted and i fell out of the loop and didn’t rly get back in) . currently i follow megafaunatic aka etymologyplayground’s work the most closely for my mxtx fix (my fav from them currently is probably you, asleep and dreaming)

tagging: @lenawin4 and uhhhhhhh anyone else who feels like doing this?? for my life i cannot recall any other writers off the top of my head rn o)-(

[j-ni733]

Goodbye

It’s a rant of mine, If anyone was wondering what was bothering me, this is one of them. If not skip ahead. I don’t like this, but I want to make something clear here about me. sorry if i said “im fine” to certain people. 

 Hello Tokki here! I have something to say and let you, my lovely followers, know!

Sooo... I noticed many people have been dm-ing me for many concerns. Which I am thankful and glad that you guys are concerned, but it is ok. I’m alright. I also noticed that people are saying “don’t sell your oc” “you worked so hard on him why are you giving him away”. 

I’m not really giving him away. I never mentioned anything giving him away. Sure I drew a mini comic of a poster saying “Free” and “usable character blah blah...” stuff. But really I’m not giving him away. I was just drawing how I was feeling and how I pointed out that I was this close giving up on him. If I were to sell him, I would put up my commission and let people know. But just to let you know I don’t my ocs, just the designs and ideas if I wanted to.  

Anyways, I also want you all to know that I wont be continuing blankfate anymore. I’ve decided and made up my mind about how blankfate is turning out. I even chat with @dragonlover1128​ that we won’t finish the bf. Things were going out of hand and disorganized. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with things here and in real life. To be honest, I losing my confidence and motivation with blankfate. As my friend mentioned, “it was a bit boring” and I agree to that. I set blankfate to have my oc interact with hers and other people’s if they would like to join. Yet I feel like I was doing it wrong. I made some mistakes but people learn right?    I think it’s my fault really. I kind of say things that I was fantasizing too much where, not a lot, but some people would like the ocs and how the story goes. I got to the point where “I didn’t think things through.” I was careless of my friend’s idea and I would always deny how her oc would react, even though they aren’t mine. She was having a tough time to figure out when to butt in. I would tell her to be patient. I realized I kind of leave her out of blankfate. I was talking over too much, I didn’t notice my own teammate. I’m sorry dragon.  Overall, I’m an idiot and stupid :D.

Now getting that out of the way, since blankfate is discontinued I want to say some things. 

Cyrus is just a random oc of mine. I erased his memory and his timeline. so whoever rped with me is uncanon and Cyrus doesn’t actually know any of your ocs (such as Adrian, The Knight, Olin, Star, Rik, Milo, or etc....), he doesn’t have a story but he still is a little prince, his personality is still the same (shy yet determined), and is an only child. His (undertale fandom) soul would be cyan and his powers would be his wings and a sword. I’m sharing this because I like my oc Cyrus and I’m really happy that people like him. I feel so grateful that Cyrus is loved by many people and I enjoyed making his story. So I thought of just keeping as my guinea pig or my little random oc for doodles, or any rp people would like to do with me. Feel free to use him if you like, but just credit me and let me know :D ( Don’t say he’s yours please) 

This is what Cyrus would looks like as he grows up in blankfate. 

I’m not good at sharing my feelings, this reason feels ridiculous how Im acting, but this is something personal to me and people who are close to me.