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once-upon-an-imagine · 11 months

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Lover - Sirius Black

A/N: ahh! well here it is, a very long one-shot. I'm not sure how, this started off kind of sweet, then it got angsty and then it got funny but I still hope you like it!

Request - Anonymous asked: Hey love! Hope you're doing okay! I wanna start off by saying I love all of your Sirius Black fics so much! They're so fun to read and always make me happy! Secondly I love the whole Potter!reader thing cause I absolutely love James and have always wanted a brother like him. Idk if you're taking requests but if you are I was wondering if you'd do a Sirius x reader where the reader is a Hufflepuff and is the opposite of Sirius and he's like absolutely whipped but the reader is James' little sister ( a year younger maybe cause I love age gaps lol) so yeah sirius is like shitting scared cause he thinks James would hate him forever and all angsty but then James is like dude I knew since like the day I introduced you guys and all happy ending lol. Sorry if it's too detailed. I completely understand if you don't wanna write it tho. Have a nice day!

Warnings: mentions of Sirius' family situation, like I said it got a bit too angsty for a moment there but I think that's it let me know if I missed anything though!

Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter :D gif isn’t mine :)

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Lover

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue All's well that ends well to end up with you Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover

You kept walking back and forth in your room. You couldn't sleep. You hadn't been able to sleep earlier tonight, but now it was even worse. When you walked into the kitchen to make yourself a cup of tea you did not expect to find Sirius Black, barely being able to stand as he held on to the kitchen counter. You felt your entire body shaking when you noticed the bruises and blood all over him. But, when he looked at you, your heart broke into a million pieces, that's when you felt like you were going to be sick. He was crying and he looked haunted. You had never seen Sirius like this. He tried to say your name before he collapsed so you quickly walked over to him to hold him up and you yelled for your brother. It wasn't even five minutes before James came running downstairs with your parents following him. And now, here you were, waiting for James to come tell you what happened. Sirius wasn't talking, so if there was a remote possibility that he would, it would be with James. And your parents were helping him so, at some point, you were asked to leave. But James knew you wouldn't go to sleep until you knew Sirius was okay.

"Hey, bug" you turned around when James opened your door.

"Hi" you said, finally sitting on the bench by your window and James joined you. "H-how is he?" you asked nervously. You could tell James had been crying as well.

"He's gonna be okay" he assured you. "I knew you wouldn't go to sleep until I told you that" he smiled. "He's gonna be staying with us now" he explained.

"Good" you nodded. "I'm glad he doesn't have to go back there" you said. You knew about Sirius' home situation. He had talked to you about it a few times, but you had never imagined it was this bad.

"Me too" James smiled at you.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, bug" he frowned.

"You know it's okay if you're not, right?" you insisted.

"It's just... hard seeing him like this" he admitted, shedding a few tears. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and kissed his cheek.

"You're a good brother, Jamie" you said as you felt him hug you back. "That's why he came here" you told him.

"Thanks, bug" he said, kissing the side of your head. You were about to pull away but you felt James arms tightening a little and you knew he needed more time.

"You should try to get some sleep" you told him.

"You too" he said, getting up. When he was at the door, he looked back at you with a weary smile. "I love you, bug."

"I love you too, Jamie" you smiled before he left, closing the door behind you.

You sighed, thinking that it was best if you also got some sleep since it was almost three in the morning, but you heard something in the room next to you. You knew Sirius would most likely not be able to sleep. So, you went downstairs again to make some tea. But not for you. You knew that Sirius might not want to talk right now, especially with you. So, you just wanted to do something nice and feel a little helpful. You walked quietly to his room and saw that the light was still on, so you were not waking him up. You knocked lightly but got no response, so you opened the room slowly. It was empty, and the bathroom door was closed. You didn't want to cross any lines so you placed the tea on his nightstand and left.

And that's how it started. You did the same thing the following night. This time, when you knocked on his door, Sirius opened it and smiled sweetly at you. He had a feeling it was you the previous night. He was still very quiet, which was unusual for him, but you still offered him the tea.

"I just... thought it might help you sleep" you smiled nervously.

"Thanks, Bambi" he said, grabbing it from you, making you chuckle a little. He had always called you that and, it annoyed you at first, but now you kind of liked it.

"Good night, Siri" you said, walking over to the next door.

"Night, love" he whispered to himself going inside his room.

This kept happening for the following weeks. You slowly saw Sirius coming back to his old self. Your mum had asked you to help redecorate his room so he would feel more at home and you noticed his eyes watering a little when your mum showed it to him. James told him that Remus and Peter would be arriving in a few weeks and that also seemed to lift his spirits up. But if Sirius was being honest with himself, his favorite part of living at the Potters was whenever you brought him tea. It was a small act of kindness on your part but it meant the world to him. He knew you sometimes had trouble sleeping and you were worried that he was experiencing that too, and that warmed his heart. Which is why, one night he opened the door before you could even knock. He stood there on the other side and smiled sweetly at you.

"Oh- s-sorry, I was um-"

"It's okay, love" he chuckled. "How come you never bring one for yourself?" he asked, confused as he grabbed the tea from you.

"Oh" you said, a little taken aback. "I usually drink mine downstairs" you explained.

"Well, would you maybe like to have your tea with me tomorrow?" he smiled sweetly at you.

"Really?" you asked, feeling a little nervous. "I m-mean, yeah, sure, I'd love that" you nodded.

"Cool, see you tomorrow, Bambi" he said, kissing your cheek before you both said good night.

And you did. Every night for the rest of the summer, after James went to sleep, and the rest of the Marauders, once they arrived, you brought tea for Sirius and the two of you spent hours talking. Little by little, you saw him going back to his old self. He smiled more. He laughed more. He didn't seem jumpy or gloomy anymore. One night, you fell asleep and he didn't have it in him to bring you to your room. He liked your company and he felt a lot better when you were around, so he didn't. But a few hours later, you were woken up by his screaming. It broke your heart to see him so terrified by his nightmares, but it got Sirius to open up to you. He felt more comfortable around you with each passing week, until one night, he finally kissed you.

You would have been lying if you said you didn't have a slight crush on Sirius Black. Because he was Sirius Black. Everyone had a crush on him and you were no exception. And in the weeks since he had moved in, you got to know him even more and you felt your crush growing. So, when he kissed you, you were over the moon. That's how it started. This whole thing between the two of you. You both decided to keep it secret for a while. And you couldn't deny that it was even exciting at first. The stolen glances between you, the way Sirius would always sit next to you at meals and hold your hand under the table. Brief moments where he would excuse himself from the other Marauders just to go to your room to steal a quick kiss from you.

But now, that you were back at Hogwarts, being in different years and houses, it made it increasingly difficult to keep your relationship a secret. You knew Sirius was anxious about James' reaction to your relationship, but you didn't think it would be such a big deal, as to practically have your relationship back to before you two got together. Making moments like this extremely rare.

"Merlin, I've missed you" Sirius smiled as the two of you laid on his bed, kissing, with music in the background.

"I've missed you too" you smiled before he pulled you in for another kiss. "It's been such a long week" you complained.

"It's only Tuesday" he laughed.

"I know" you pouted and he kissed you once more. "But we barely got to see each other this past weekend and classes have been crazy and I just-"

Sirius interrupted you with another kiss. "I know, love" he said, placing his hand on your cheek. "But it's a Hogsmeade weekend" he smiled. "Maybe we can go?"

"R-really?" you asked, feeling excited. Because of all the sneaking around, you two didn't even have a first date.

"Yeah, I think we're all gonna go, so you can come with us" he suggested, making your smile drop.

"Oh- um, y-yeah, sure" you smiled again, but, of course, Sirius noticed it was different.

"What?" he frowned, sitting up.

"N-nothing" you tried to assure him.

"Love, you're a terrible liar" he insisted. "I know when something's bothering you" he said pulling you with him.

"Nothing, I just..." you sighed. The two of you never really established what this was and you didn't want to make it a bigger deal than it was. "I'm not sure if I have a Potions exam on Monday" you covered up.

"Oh" he replied before smiling again. "Well, in that case" he said, leaning in for another kiss. "Maybe I can stay back and help you study" he smirked, kissing you again.

"You don't have to do that" you chuckled.

"Oh, I wouldn't mind, sweetheart" he said as his kisses started making his way down your neck. "I wouldn't mind at all" he said between kisses and making your smile appear again.

It was short-lived, however, because the two of you heard the door opening and Sirius quickly pushed you off him, making you fall off his bed.

"Bloody hell!"

"Sirius!" you complained when you hit your head with his nightstand.

"Moony! What the fuck!" Sirius said, looking at his friend standing at the entrance of his dorm.

"What? Just be glad it was me and not Prongs" he rolled his eyes, closing the door and tossing his bag on his bed.

"I'm so sorry, love" he said, getting up to help you. "Are you okay-?"

"No, of course I'm not okay" you glared at him. "You pushed me and I hit my head!"

"I'm sorry, love. I thought it was Prongs-"

"What difference does that make, Sirius" you asked, grabbing your shirt and putting it back on. "We're both half-naked, in your bed, do you honestly think James would have thought nothing was going on? I know he's daft but give him some credit!"

"I panicked, okay! Moony said he would be out until dinner" he said, glaring at Remus.

"It is almost dinner" he defended himself. "And this wouldn't have happened if you just told Prongs already. What is he gonna do? Kill you?"

"Moony, could you please get out?" Sirius glared at his friend again making Remus sigh in frustration.

"Fine, I'll leave-"

"No, don't worry, Remus. I'll leave" you said as you finished fixing yourself up.

"What? Why are you leaving?" Sirius said, pulling you to him.

"I don't know, Sirius, maybe because I don't want to stay here until my brother comes in and you push me again so I hit my head!"

"That was an accident! I just-"

"I know. You don't want James to know about us" you rolled your eyes. "What's the big deal? Remus knows!" you said, pointing at him.

"Remus is not your brother. Trust me, love. I will tell him, I promise I just... need more time" he begged, making you sigh in defeat.

"Fine" you said, grabbing your bag. "I'm still gonna go" you said, quietly.

"Love-"

"No, it's fine" you said with a weary smile. "If it's almost dinner time, that means Jamie's practice is over" you said. "I'll see you both later" you said, leaving and closing the door behind you before Sirius could stop you again.

"I fucked up, didn't I?" Sirius asked out loud.

"Oh, good. You didn't neet me to tell you" Remus smirked a little.

"Moony, I'm not joking-!"

"Neither am I, Pads" Remus said as Sirius put his shirt back on. "You're gonna fuck things up if you keep doing this. And the longer you wait-"

"I know, the worst it will be with Prongs" Sirius sighed frustrated.

"Prongs? You're more worried about what James will say than being disrespectful to your girlfriend?"

"Whoa, that's a big word, Moony" he chuckled nervously. "Bambi's not my-" he stopped as Remus glared at him. "I mean we haven't really-" he sighed. "Ugh, I'm fucking this up, aren't I?" he said, throwing himself on his bed.

"You know, sometimes you're more perceptive than I give you credit for" Remus replied.

"Moony!" Sirius complained, sitting up. "It's not funny! I don't know what to do!"

"Why are you so afraid of telling James about the two of you?"

"Are you joking? You know I don't have the best reputation about dating and if he finds out that I'm dating his little sister he's going to kill me!"

"I honestly don't think he would" Remus tried to reason to him. "I mean, we've all seen how much you've changed this past year" he continued. "And James hasn't seen it but I've seen the way the two of you are together. It's different" he explained. "But you're going to fuck it all up if you keep making her feel this way" he said.

"What way?"

"As if you don't want to be seen with her. As if your relationship isn't serious. And as if you care more about what James says than hurting her feelings" he indicated.

Sirius opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out so he threw himself back on his bed. Maybe Remus was right. Maybe he needed to get this over with and just tell James before it was too late.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The next day, you were coming out of your Charms class and you were still in a foul mood. You loved Sirius, you knew that much. And whenever you were with him, you felt like he might love you too. But all of this hiding and sneaking around made your insecurities get the best of you and wonder if he was as Sirius about this as you were. You understood that he was nervous about telling James, but you kept insisting nothing would happen so, maybe it wasn't just that.

Your thoughts were shut down when you noticed a small crumpled parchment in your bag while you were putting your book away. You opened it and saw one of Sirius' doodles and it made you smile. He did this from time to time. He left little notes hidden in your books and your bag. This one was a small doodle of him holding up a flower and apologizing for being an idiot, asking you to meet him after lunch so the two of you could talk.

"Hey, bug!" you heard your brother walking your way and you put your small doodle back in your bag.

"Hi, Jamie" you smiled at your big brother.

"You going to lunch?"

"Yeah" you replied before you heard your name being called.

"Hey" you turned around to see your housemate and classmate speeding your way. "Oh, hi, James" she smiled. "It's the Potters" she greeted.

"Hi Emmeline" you smiled back at your friend.

"Hey" she smiled. "I won't keep you long, I just wanted to ask you something" she told you. "Oh, and now that your brother's here I guess I can ask him too" she told you.

"Sure, Em, what do you need?" you asked your friend.

"You're really close with Sirius Black, aren't you?" she asked, making your heart drop for a moment. You could tell where this was going.

"She's not as close to him as I am" James smirked. "Why the interest, love?"

"Well, I was just... wondering if... he's single?" she asked smiling as you felt your entire heart shatter. What were you supposed to say now?

"Yes, of course, he is" James answered before you could say something.

"Really? I wasn't sure because you seem really close to him and I didn't want to cross any lines if you two were dating or anything-" she said looking at you. But, again, your brother intervened.

"With her?" he laughed a little too loud to your liking. "Sirius dating my sister? You're joking right, they're just friends" he insisted.

"Oh, that's a relief" she sighed while you remained with your mouth open but nothing was coming out. "So, could you maybe... find out for me if he might be interested?"

"I- uh-" you tried to make sense of this whole thing. "Y-you want me to f-find out if Sirius likes you?"

"Yeah" she chuckled. "We've sort of been flirting back and forth, and since it's a Hogsmeade weekend, I though-"

"Y-you've been flirting back and forth" you said, letting out a bitter chuckle and feeling as if someone was stabbing your heart repeatedly. "With Sirius-?"

"Well, that's a grand idea, Emmeline" James kept interrupting. "Maybe we can have a double date" he suggested.

"What's on your mind, Potter?"

"Well, I happen to know you do some of your prefect rounds with Lily" he smirked. "Put in a good word for me and I put in a good word for you?"

"Really?" Emmeline asked, excitedly.

"Really" James nodded.

"Alright, Potter. You've got yourself a deal" she smiled. "But only if you agree to find out if I have a chance first" she said, turning back to you.

"I um-" you stuttered. "S-so, you want me to find out if Sirius likes you-?"

"Yes, please, will you? Is not too much trouble, is it?" she asked.

"Uh-"

"Of course, not, love!" James waved you off. "We'll definitely have the information in a few hours. I mean, we're just on our way to have lunch with Sirius, right bug?" he said, playfully hitting your stomach with his arm.

"R-right" you said trying your best not to start crying. Were you really just about to set your boyfriend up on a date just to avoid telling your brother?

"Brilliant! Thank you so much! I have my Prefect rounds tonight with Lily so, that works" she told James.

"Pleasure doing business with you, Em" James said as she nodded her head to him.

"Thanks, love" she told you. "I'll see you both later!" she said, walking away from you.

"Oh, Merlin! Bug, did you hear that?"

"What just happened?" you muttered to yourself.

"I'll tell you what just happened. I just got a date with Lily!" he said, excitedly, pulling you with him to the Great Hall.

"I didn't hear that" you said, frowning at him.

"Come on, let's go!" he said, running towards his usual spot. He found Remus and Peter already sitting there but Sirius was nowhere to be seen. "Great! You're both here! Where's Padfoot?"

"He said he'll be right here" Peter said as James pulled you to sit and he took the seat next to you.

"Brilliant!" he said as he started putting food on his plate and yours.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked you.

"She's fine. She's just hungry" James said, placing a massive mountain of potatoes on your plate.

"No, I think I have to go-"

"Nonsense!"

"Hey" Sirius said, appearing at the table and greeting all of you. "Bambi, I didn't know you would join us today" he said, sitting next to Remus, in front of you. "What are you all talking about?"

"Not much" James said, acting casually. "Just talking about next weekend" he said smiling. "Hogsmeade weekend" he continued. "Do you have any plans?"

"Uh, no, n-not really" Sirius answered, looking at you without meaning to.

"Wonderful" James said with a smirk. "I have a proposition for you" he told him.

"What?"

"Well, I was thinking-"

"Shocker" Remus heard you mutter under your breath and your brother quickly glared at you.

"What do you think about going on a double date?"

"Are you asking me out, Prongs? Because I've got to be honest with you, you're not really my type" Sirius asked him making the other two Marauders laugh.

James rolled his eyes and glared at his friends. "No, I just happened to run into Emmeline, you know her right?" he said.

"Um... sure?" Sirius said a bit confused. He looked at you to see if you could maybe provide some sort of explanation, but your eyes were glued to the potatoes on your plate. You didn't dare to look up at him.

"Well, you see, my sweet Padfoot, it looks like our dear Emmeline has a bit of a crush on you" he said happily.

You lifted her look just to see Sirius' reaction who looked back at you, feeling extremely guilty.

"N-no, she doesn't" he said awkwardly.

"Yes, she does! Isn't this grand?"

"G-grand? W-why would that be grand?" Sirius chuckled, nervously.

"Well because she just told us that she wants to go to Hogsmeade with you this weekend and that she would ask Lily so we could go on a double date" James said with a smirk.

"Us? What do you mean 'us'?"

"She just told us before coming over here" he explained, making Sirius' heart stop. "She wanted us to find out if you liked her back" he shrugged.

Sirius instantly looked at you. He knew you were upset. And you probably had every right to. This was it. He should just come out and say it. But he fucked up again. He was a coward.

"She told you that?"

You slowly turned to look up from your food when you felt the four boys looking at you. James still had his stupid smirk on his face, Peter was just curiously waiting for an answer, Sirius was looking at you as if he was going to cry, and Remus was looking at you almost... sorry?

"Um" you said nervously. "She might-have um, m-mentioned something" you said before looking back down.

"Mentioned something? She said you two have been flirting back and forth for weeks" James said excitedly. "So, what do you say? Why don't you ask her out and then the four of us could go on a double date?"

You felt your heart beating faster each second and feared it might explode. Not only would Sirius not take you out on a date this Saturday, but he might even go on a date with someone else. All to avoid telling your brother about the two of you.

"Uh, I don't think so, Prongs-"

"Come on, Pads, is just one date" James kept on pushing.

Remus turned to look at you, who didn't dare look up from your plate. He noticed the tears in your eyes and he turned to glare at Sirius, kicking him under the table.

"I don't really think Padfoot's interested, Prongs" he said, widening his eyes at Sirius. He couldn't believe he was so afraid of James as to even hurt your feelings in the process.

"Of course he is, he's interested in any girl" James laughed. "Well, almost, right bug?" he said, elbowing you playfully on your stomach.

"R-right" you muttered sadly.

You suddenly felt sick to your stomach and you decided you couldn't be here anymore, so you stood up.

"Hey, where are you going, bug?" your brother asked confused.

"Away from you" you answered, grabbing your stuff.

"But you haven't even touched your food" James said, worriedly, looking at the still full plate next to him.

"Well, maybe I'm not hungry anymore" you said grumpily, before walking away from them.

"What's going on with her?" James asked concerned, looking at his three friends.

"I don't know" Sirius quickly replied. "W-why would we know?"

"Yeah, why would we know?" Remus asked, glaring at Sirius.

"It's probably her time of the month" James said shrugging his shoulders. "Honestly is easier to deal with your time of the month, Moony, no offense" he said looking at Remus. "So, what do you say?"

"About what?" Sirius asked, confused.

"The double date!" James said frustrated.

"Uh, I um-" Sirius said awkwardly. "I don't think so, mate. I'm not really interested in Emmeline like that" he said getting up as well. "Um, I'm gonna go see if Bambi's okay" he said, walking out of the Great Hall before any of them could stop him.

"What do you think is going on with him?" James asked confused. "And why is he checking on my sister?"

"Beats me" Remus said casually. He wouldn't be the one to tell his best friend that their other best friend was in a secret relationship with his sister.

Sirius ran after you as quickly as he could. He quickly made his way to the Library, knowing you went there when you didn't want your brother to bother you and he walked over to the last aisle. He saw you sitting there with your knees pulled to your chest as tears fell down your face. It felt as if someone grabbed a hammer and broke his heart into millions of pieces.

"Love" he said, kneeling next to you. You quickly tried to wipe away the tears falling down your cheeks but new ones just came.

"W-what are you doing here?"

"Sweetheart" he said, pulling you towards him. "You know I don't want to go out with Emmeline, right?" he said, as you tried to breathe normally.

"I g-guess" you sighed.

"Look at me" he said, gently lifting your chin with his finger and he then wiped your tears softly with his thumb. "I don't want to go out with anyone who's not you" he said genuinely.

"Sirius..." you said, pushing yourself away from him.

"And I swear we have not been flirting back and forth! I wouldn't do that-!"

"Sirius" you said again, making him pay attention to you. "It's fine" you said, with your voice breaking a little.

"W-what?" Sirius frowned, confused.

"Look, it is clear that your relationship with me is not as important as your relationship with James" you cried a little more. "S-so, if you want to just- e-end whatever this is, I completely understand and-"

"What?!" he said, raising his voice a little. The two of you heard someone shushing you all the way on the other side and he looked back at you. "Sweetheart, I don't want to end things" he pleaded. "I-is that what you want? I swear I haven't flirted with anyone since I came back here and-"

"It's not what I want, Sirius" you insisted. "B-but... I just... I don't know what to do! I don't know what you want-"

"I want to be with you, love!" he insisted.

"Do you? I barely get to see you anymore. We're in different houses, we're in different years the rest of the time you're with my brother and you don't want him or anyone else to know about us! I don't know how long I can keep doing this, Sirius. It just doesn't feel as if you actually want to be with me!"

"I do!"

"Then why can't we just tell James so he can stop setting you up with a different girl every week!" you blurted out. "You think he doesn't tell me things? That he hasn't told me how he noticed you've changed and you don't talk to girls anymore so he keeps trying to set you up with them!"

"Well, of course, I've changed! I'm with you now and I don't want to be with anyone else!"

"But he doesn't know that, Sirius! So he's most likely going to keep doing this until you get fed up and tell him! So, why not just tell him already? Do you not want people to know about us-?"

"No! That's not it!"

"Is it me? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me or something?"

"What? No! Love, how can you think that!?"

"I don't know what else to think Sirius! I don't even know what we are!"

"Please don't ever think that" he said with a stern look on his face. "Look, I know I fucked up yesterday, and today, and probably lots of other times. I've never done this before and I-" he sighed, running a hand through his hair frustrated. "I love you" he said, making your heart flutter instantly.

"Y-you what?"

"I love you, sweetheart, okay? I know that. I've known it for a while. I have never felt like this about anyone and... I don't want to lose you" he said with his voice breaking a little. "I know I've fucked up, I just..." he sighed again. "I don't want you to think that my relationship with James is more important than you. Nothing to me is more important than you, okay? But... love..." he said, looking away. "I got disowned" he said, quietly. "I was kicked out of my family and James..." he continued. "Without him, I wouldn't have anywhere to go. I wouldn't even have you" he explained. "And he's my best friend and he knows me more than anyone. You also know that I don't have the best dating reputation here and... I'm just... scared that he's going to hate me and... then I'll have no one" he said. "I know this isn't fair to you, this is all just... a lot and new to me, and I'm so sorry-"

"Sirius" you said, cupping his cheek with your hand and smiling at him. You pulled him gently and kissed his cheek. "First of all, I love you too" you said, making him smile back at you.

"Y-you do?"

"Of course, I do. Why do you think I was so upset about you going out with another girl this weekend-?"

"That was never going to happen-" he interrupted.

"Secondly, I understand where you're coming from about James" you told him. "And we don't have to tell him until you're ready" you said. "But James loves you too. You know in a different way" you said, making him laugh a little. "I think he loves you more than he loves me-"

"That's not true" he insisted, making you chuckle.

"Either way, he would never turn his back on you" you insisted. "And neither will I" you assured him. He pulled you closer, kissing your temple before he wiped away your remaining tears.

"I'm so sorry, love" he whispered. "I don't want you to feel this way" he said. "I feel like I keep screwing up and hurting you-"

"It's okay, love" you assured him. "I mean, it's not the most ideal situation" you admitted. "But, we don't have to tell him until you're ready" you said. "I just... I don't particularly love that girls keep chasing after you" you mumbled, feeling your cheeks burn.

Sirius gently lifted your face slowly so you would look at him. "I promise I don't want to go out with anyone who's not you, love" he said. "Y-you trust me, right?"

You smiled sweetly at him, brushing his cheek with your thumb. "Of course, I do, love" you said, giving him a peck on the lips. "I love you" you said, feeling your heart flutter at the sweet smile on his face.

"I love you too" he said, giving you another kiss.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Hey, mate, where did you disappear off to?" James asked when Sirius walked into the boys' dorm. "We didn't see you after lunch, or at Potions, Charms, or at dinner" he told him.

"I uh- was... around" he said, innocently.

"Mhm" James said, looking at Peter. "By yourself?" he asked, making Remus roll his eyes as he kept reading his book.

"I um... well... yeah" he shrugged

"Interesting" James said, sitting up.

"All afternoon?" Peter asked.

"Yes" he said, sitting on his bed and throwing his bag on the floor. "I went out and had a cigarette. What's the big deal?"

"You missed class-" Remus spoke for the first time.

"Nobody cares about that, Moony" James interrupted as he sat on his bed. "See, we happened to hear otherwise, Padfoot" he said, smirking at Sirius.

"What are you talking about, Prongs?" he frowned, looking between him and Remus.

"Well, since you obviously missed dinner, you missed what everyone was talking about" he continued.

"I doubt it was anything interesting-" Sirius started.

"Oh, but it was" James continued. "See it was about you and your new... girlfriend" he said, making Sirius' heart drop.

"M-my what now?"

"Your girlfriend" Remus said, suddenly very interested in the conversation, closing his book.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, Padfoot, apparently someone saw you today walking out of the library with a mysterious girlfriend" James explained.

"That's insane" he said, chuckling nervously.

"No, mate, it's from a reliable source" Peter nodded.

"Really? Enlighten me, Wormy, who is your reliable source?"

"Marlene and Dorcas" James added. "They all said they saw you leaving with someone who had a Gryffindor scarf" he said, getting up and walking over to Sirius' bed. "So, either you have a Gryffindor girlfriend, or maybe you gave her your scarf" he said, sitting down next to him. "A bunch of girls were claiming it was them but according to Marls, it wasn't-"

"Do you really have nothing better to do than wondering if I am with someone-?"

"See, it all adds up" James continued. "Why you wouldn't go out with Emmeline, or any other girl for that matter" he said. "We just want to know why you didn't tell us!"

"Because it's none of your business!" Sirius said, getting up, frustrated.

"So it's true!" Peter smirked.

"I knew it!" James yelled at the same time. "Who is she?"

"You kind of built yourself up for that one, Pads" Remus told him.

"I didn't say it was true!" Sirius said, feeling nervous.

"You didn't deny it" James smirked. "C'mon Pads, tell us who she is!" Is it just a fling?"

"Yeah, who is this mystery girl and why did you hide it from us? Usually, you brag about your flings" Peter laughed.

"There's no mystery girl and it is not a fling-!"

"Again, you just keep setting yourself up, mate-" Remus intervened.

"Hey dorks, I need some food. I missed dinner" you said, suddenly entering your brother's dorm and the four boys turned to look at you.

"Oh, suddenly you're in a good mood again?" James asked, glaring at you a little.

"I am if you feed me" you said, walking over to your brother's night table because you knew he would have dinner's leftovers. Which coincidentally happened whenever you or Sirius would miss dinner.

"Hey, bug, did you hear about Sirius' secret girlfriend?" James asked suddenly, making you choke on the banana muffin munching on.

"W-what? Sirius has a secret girlfriend?" you pretended to be confused as Remus rolled his eyes when you sat next to him and dropped your bag on the floor.

"Yeah, we're trying to figure out who she is and why he didn't tell us" Peter added.

"Hold on" James said, sitting up and looking at your tossed bag on the floor. "What's that?"

"What's what?" you asked, with your mouth half-fulled at the same time Sirius did.

James noticed something peeking out of your bag. Something scarlet and gold. He quickly got up and grabbed it, taking it out.

"Why do you have a Gryffindor scarf?"

"I um-" you swallowed, nervously. "That's yours-"

"No" he insisted. "Mine is over there" he said, pointing at his opened trunk with his scarf on top, falling out of it.

"Uh- P-Prongs" Sirius started, but your brother looked deep in thought.

"How long do you reckon it's going to take him?" Remus muttered, sitting up.

"Oh for Merlin's sake! I can't take it anymore!" Sirius yelled, frustrated. "That's my scarf!"

"Now we'll never know" you mumbled, giving him a piece of your muffin.

"So, you're the mystery fling?" Peter asked with his jaw dropped.

"She's not a fling!" Sirius argued.

"Wait, how long has this been going on!?" James asked looking between you and Sirius.

"Well, we've actually been seeing each other since this summer" Sirius explained.

"SINCE SUMMER?!" James blurted out.

"Jamie, is not a big deal-" you tried.

"It is a big deal!" he argued. "How come I didn't know about this?" he asked, looking at Sirius.

"Well, I didn't know how you were going to react, Prongs and-"

"So you lied to me?"

"Technically we didn't lie" you told him. "We just didn't say anything-"

"Oh, don't use that with me, I invented that, bug" he glared at you. "Plus, today when we talked to Emmeline, you said you weren't dating!"

"No, I didn't" you argued.

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!" James complained as Remus, Sirius, and Peter kept looking between the two of you.

"No, actually, technically, I didn't" you insisted.

"Yes, you di- oohhh" he gasped, remembering your previous conversation. "You didn't! You clever bug, I'm impressed" he smirked, proudly as he gave you a high-fived and you accepted it, rolling your eyes a little. "So you two have been seeing each other for months now?"

"Pretty much" you said, still a bit nervous.

"And this is why you kept turning me down when I tried to set you up?" he asked Sirius.

"Yeah" he admitted.

"Are you happy with her?"

"I am. Very happy" Sirius quickly said.

"Are you happy with him?" he asked you.

"I really am" you replied.

"Okay" he said, sitting back on his bed.

"W-wait, you're... you're okay with this?" Sirius asked, extremely confused.

"Well, I don't love that you hid it from me but... yes, why wouldn't I be?" James shrugged.

"W-well, b-because I thought- are you kidding me? I thought you were going to kick my ass!"

"For dating my sister? You do know her, right? She's more than capable of kicking your ass" he laughed. "Plus, I'm assuming that since it's been going on for a long time it's... a serious relationship?"

"Well, we haven't had our first date yet, but... yes" Sirius said, sitting on your other side and holding your hand.

"Wait, you haven't had your first date, what the hell have you- no! You know what, I don't want to know" James said, glaring at you as you laughed.

"See, mate? I told you James wouldn't mind" Remus said, patting Sirius on the back and erasing James' smile off his face.

"E-excuse me?" James said, getting upset. "Remus knew?"

"Prongs" Sirius said getting up at the same time.

"You mean to tell me that the two of you have been together for months and YOU TOLD REMUS BEFORE ME?!!" he snapped.

"It was an accident, mate-"

"Oh, I'm sure it was!" James said, glaring at Sirius. "I can't believe you did this to me! Why would you betray me like this?!"

"I'm sorry, Prongs! I can make it up to you, okay? Honeydukes, this Saturday, I'll buy you all the candy you want!"

James stood there with his arms crossed. "... I'm listening" he caved.

"But I thought we were having our first date-"

"Oh, don't you even think so, bug! Remus knew!"

"This is going to be my whole life, isn't it?" you asked Remus and Peter.

"Yes."

The End

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

A/N: I know this was a roller coaster of emotions but I hope you loves liked it! :D

#marauders #marauders imagine #sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #sirius black oneshot

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spidybaby · 1 year

Text

Be quiet, please

Summary: Kylian got a little too drunk and decided to share some information he isn't supposed to.

Warning: Slightly cursing.

Part two

"Princesa, do you want another drink?" Neymar asks you, noticing the glass in your hand is empty. "Please," you hand him the glass with a smile.

Your attention goes back to Melissa and Fayza, Melissa was telling you a story about her recent trip. From time to time, you turned your attention to the dance floor, Kylian was dancing with Bruna, she's trying to teach him some Brazilian dance.

You can't help but smile, dizzying off from the conversation with the two women.

The party was something Kylian wanted to do, not being a very party guy himself, he asked you to help him plan it. And if you were honest, you did an amazing job, all his teammates and their partners were there, his parents, his brothers and close friends too.

"I mean, that's good for me. What about you, y/n?" Melissa asks you. You turned back to her a little embarrassed because you have no idea what they're talking about. "Yes," you say, trying to save the talk.

Fayza can't help but laugh while Melissa just looks at you with a funny expression. "You have no idea what we're talking about," she says as she joins Kylians mother. "Sorry, I zoned out." The blush on your face only grows.

"Melissa was talking about meeting for breakfast tomorrow, just us and Lana," Fayza tells you. You smile really hard, loving how they always involve you in every activity they do. "I'll love to. Let's have brunch at the cute cafe we visited last time, " you suggested happily.

"Princesa, your drink, extra special for my good friend," ney interrupt the conversation handing your drink to you. "Miss Lamari, Melissa, would you like something else to drink?" He offered happy. Ney decided to be the bartender helper since he couldn't really dance because of his injury.

They thank him and accept the offer, ney goes back to the bar to prepare the drinks. "I was thinking," you say, pausing to drink a little of the cocktail. "Ky asked me to start planning the wedding, he wants to have a summer wedding and I want to ask you to help me."

The thought of your wedding with him makes you excited. Since he proposed back before the World Cup, you started saving ideas for dresses, venue ideas, and daydreaming of what everything was going to look like.

Fayza moves closer to hug you, excited at the idea of you finally joining the family as her sons wife. She helped Kylian with the proposal, helped him pick the ring, and practice his speech. She was the most welcoming woman on earth. Since day one, she was arms open to you, knowing as soon as she met you, you were there for the long run. She wasn't wrong.

"I can't believe it's been a few months since that, you know I love you like a sister, count with me on anything."

When you moved to Paris, you didn't expect to find love and a family that loved you and protect you. Not expecting any of that to go so well as it's going.

"Thank you, both of you"

You hug them easily as you were in the middle of them. Ethan walked close to the scene and asks what's going on.

"What's going on is that Melissa wants to dance, and you're taking her," you say, watching Melissa roll her eyes at you but accept dancing with her little brother in law.

Verrati and Marquinhos saw this and decided to invite you and Fayza to dance, accepting the offer you move to the dance floor. Some Brazilian music is playing, probably a request from one of the team guys. Loving to see Ney and Marquinhos break the dance floor with their moves, tonight only being Marquinhos.

Kylian saw that you and Marco were dancing and smiled. He was happy to have you, happy to see how you blend amazingly into his world, not thinking of anyone more than you to do it.

"Go, Kylian!" Bruna yelled as he got the steps correctly this time, after what it seemed like a whole night trying. "Go, Kyky. Go, Kyky. " Sergio and Pilar cheer for him. Antonella and Leo are trying to imitate the dance as bruna directs the whole choreography.

You took Ethans hand, dancing a little bit with him while Melissa and Marco dance together, Marcos wife lost at the bar laughing with Neymar. Everybody's having fun. Everybody's relaxing, forgetting about their worries for a moment.

After a good time on the dance floor, Fayza and you go back to your seats. You are tired from the workout you did in the morning, cursing yourself for it. After a few songs, Melissa frees herself from Marco, handing him to Bruna, and she accepts excited to teach more dance moves. It was her night, and nobody denied it. We just accepted it.

Kylian left the dance floor when his eyes and yours made contact, walking your way, you open your arms for him to get into them, embracing you while you kiss his cheek. "You did it amazing, amour. Such a dancer, " you smiled, pulling away from him,

You both laugh, and he takes a seat next to you and in the middle of Melissa and his mom. "Maman," he yells, a little more drunk than usual, something is not common in him, but tonight you're happy he's letting go, knowing he needs that "Je vais me marier." (I'm getting married) Fayza, and you let out a laugh. Finding adorable the way he's so excited about it.

"I know, my love. I can't be happier for you, " she says, caressing his cheek as a love sign. She has the same thoughts as you, Kylian has a very pressured life, so it's good for him to let go and enjoy his youth.

Kylian recliners himself into you, his head into your shoulder, giving him access to your cheeks and neck, something he didn't take for granted, kissing you cheek multiple times. "Ky, stop," you pull away a little, not wanting him to start something he's not supposed to. Not in front of his mother.

"Tu n'aimes pas que je t'embrasse?" (You don't want to kiss me?) His expression turns into a hurt one, "Chérie, s'il vous plaît" (honey, please) he tries to kiss your cheeks again, but you move your face, making him pout harder this time "You weren't denying my kisses this morning while I was inside of you." You move your hand to his mouth, stopping him to finish his sentence. Melissa can't help but let out a loud laugh, Fayza laughs with her while shaking her head. "Amour, be quiet, please."

He takes his hand into yours and moves it, freeing his mouth. "Est-ce que je te fais de l'effet?" (Do I make you feel good?) He whispers into your ear.

You can't help the blush that creeps into your face. "Ky, be quiet," you whisper to his ear. "Why? maman sait ce qu’on fait" (mom knows what we're doing). With every single word of him, you can feel your face turn more red. Thankfully, the color of the lights helps you.

"Maman, elle m’a fait me sentir si bien ce matin" (mom, she made me feel so good this morning) kylian tells his mother, laughing casually, not caring a single bit about the meaning of his words. "Et peut être que je vais te faire sentir bien, ce soir" (And, baby, Ima make you feel so good, tonight) You try to hush him again, but his hands on yours difficult you the work.

"Oh Chérie, you're so drunk right now, " Fayza, who is enjoying the moment, knowing damn well she'll use it to mess with him later, tries to shush him. Melissa, on the other hand, is enjoying everything, not caring to make him stop but decide to help you. "Kyks, come with me, I want another drink," she says while taking his hands and pulling him off of you.

You stay there, ashamed that Kylian says that in front of his mother, deciding to drink your cocktail, looking at everything but the eyes of your future mother in law. "Y/n, Chérie, don't worry." She says, feeling your discomfort and laughing at how embarrassed you were. "But I have the feeling I know now why you wanted a brunch and not an early breakfast," she joked with you, which makes you laugh, you love the way she always makes sure you're comfortable.

You can't deny that even though you feel embarrassed, you lived for these moments. Yes, it was something you were going to be mocked about for a long time, but hey, it's the memories that count.

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vex91 · 2 months

Text

Ahn Yujin - Jealousy, jealousy

Pairing: Ahn Yujin x Female Reader (Highschool AU)

Fandom: IZ*ONE / IVE

Summary: You hated how perfect Ahn Yujin was or maybe you just hated her but only if you knew the hatred wasn't reciprocated then maybe you would realize stuff sooner.

A/N: Of course Yujin needs to be the first fic on this blog 🙂‍↕️

3rd's POV

Ahn Yujin.

She was the definition of perfection. Perfect grades, perfect looks, perfect personality, perfect friends and perfect family - it was so hard to find any bad thing about her.

You on the other hand weren't that. Your grades were average at best, you weren't as pretty as her, your personality was often talked about as annoying, you only had 2 friends for your whole life and your relationship with your parents was shitty.

You were jealous of her whole life and it only fueled your hatred.

"Y/N come here" You looked up at the sound of your best friend's voice. Smiling you walked over to her "Rei, you're unusually cheerful today. Something finally happened between you and Jiwon?" Rei slapped your shoulder at your remark and shushed you quickly since Jiwon was close by with her friends. Well Jiwon knew about Rei's crush on her so you didn't know what Rei wanted to hide exactly but it's her business.

"Are you coming to that party at Gaeul's house?" Your best friend asked causing you to raise an eyebrow until you realized what she was talking about.

"I don't know, all annoying people from our school are gonna be there" Rei rolled her eyes at your comment before shaking your arm "Come on, it's gonna be fun. Me and Jiwon are going" The thought of going to a where you would see Yujin's face and also third-wheeling your best friends wasn't the most tempting one but you could never say no when Rei made that face.

"Fine but you're the one explaining everything to my parents when they find out"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here she was - Ahn Yujin in all her glory having fun with her friends. Honestly you should've guessed that she was gonna be there since it was her best friend's party but you really tried not to think about her and destroy your mood. As long as she would stay away from you then the party won't be so bad, you just need to focus on your friends.

It's easier said than done because it seemed like wherever you went, she was right there too.

You tried to keep your cool but it was harder and harder until you couldn't hold it in anymore and you exploded on her when she finally approached you.

Her reaction wasn't what you expected, she was standing still and completely not affected by your harsh words. It even amused her as she kept looking at you with a small smirk.

"What?"

Yujin shrugged "Nothing much, you just look cute when you're trying to yell at me from down there" You became red at her words, so now she was making fun of your height? This girl was unbelievable.

"Why are you always so-"

"So in love with you?"

You quickly closed your mouth, your ears became red at her words. Out if everything you weren't expecting that but honestly it was Yujin, she couldn't have been serious.

"Stop joking around"

"I'm not. Remember when you got so angry at the fact I won that science contest and destroyed my project after? I kept the pieces because they remind me how cute you looked that day when you were so determined to win. Or when you pushed me into water during our school trip to the beach, your laugh when you were with your friends later stayed in my head. I love everything about you" During her whole speech you were silent, the whole time you thought that she hated you, just like you hated her but now you're finding out it wasn't like that?

"Do you really hate her though"

Rei's words kept coming back to you as you stared at Yujin but the moment was interrupted by your phone suddenly calling. You looked down and cursed when you saw your mom's name displayed on it.

"I need to go" You quickly said and tried to push past her but she quickly held your hand to stop you. Without another word she walked you out of the house and onto the cold streets. Before the cold could hit you though she put on her jacket on you.

"I'll walk you home" Yujin loudly announced and before you could protest she added "I don't take no as an answer. You can hate me later, right now you look like you can't be alone... at least in my eyes" The staring competition between you two continued until you gave up and led the way while Yujin quietly followed after you with her hands in her pockets.

The whole way home was spend in silence, the only sound that could be heard were the cars passing by from time to time. Yujin felt weird seeing you like that, you rarely kept yourself from making some snarky comments to her that made her day every time. Weird but Yujin just liked any sort of communication she had with you, even if it was you being angry with her.

It was clear it was because of your family, Yujin could feel the cold aura coming off of the house from miles away, it was far from the place you would want to come back to. And seeing you clenching your fists before going to the door assured her of that and Yujin immediately stopped you. She didn't want you to in there.

You looked up at her confused and Yujin only looked away embarrassed. She thought of what to say before muttering "I can walk you to Rei's house, I'm sure she's back home and would be happy to let you stay the night" It looked like the idea was tempting to you but the fear of your parents made you hesitate. Yujin squeezed your hand and let you think about it more and soon you only nodded.

At Rei's house your parents kept blowing your phones with calls and messages but you didn't really care at that moment when you could only look at Yujin's disappearing figure with mixed feelings.

What was that night?

#vex writes #ive x reader #ive reactions #iz*one x reader #izone x reader #iz*one reactions #izone reactions #ahn yujin x reader #ahn yujin

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bellysoupset · 6 months

Text

Vince was not feeling well.

Which was saying something considering he hadn't been feeling well since November last year.

The talk with Wendy had helped, a lot, the knot that had permanently tied in his throat. Knowing they weren't over had him nearly dizzy with relief, even if he was very aware that it wouldn't be easy to have a relationship when they were 4 hours apart.

But there was more. There were his friends still... With whom he hadn't spoken. Well, everyone safe for Leo, who had texted him over Christmas break and hadn't stopped.

"I don't want you unhappy," had been Leo's simplistic answer when Vince met up with him that morning and asked why he was being so cool about the entire situation. Jonah hadn't spoken with him in a while and Vin wasn't sure if he was being ignored or if it was just Jon's regular sullen silences.

He was absolutely certain that Luke was ignoring him and that was more than partially to blame for the queasy sensation that spread all over his body.

"It seems like you're the only one," Vince scoffed, pushing the french fry around with viciousness and glaring at it. He couldn't fathom eating it, with how unsettled his stomach felt.

Leo let out a sigh, "that's not true, Vin." He was sitting back against Fredo's leather seats, finishing off his own burger, "Luke's a wreck, you two should really talk."

"Nothing to talk about," Vince grumbled, trying not to meet Leo's eyes and failing miserably when the blonde glared at him.

"Vince."

"He's just making everything worse," Vince groaned, wincing as his stomach cramped painfully, "it's hard enough leaving and it's hard enough that I'm gonna be four hours apart from my girlfriend and Luke- Luke's fucking everything up."

Leo raised his eyebrows, judgement rolling off of him and Vince ducked his head, muffling a burp against his fist. There was a burning in his chest that nothing could soothe.

"Vince."

"Stop looking at me like that."

"You say you wanna go, but I've never seen you look more miserable," Leo pointed out, his voice gentle, but firm, "look at me, Vin."

He did and immediately grimaced. There was nothing but support and concern in Leo's face, which Vince quickly found that he did not want. He much rather be yelled at, as he was sure Jonah or Bell would have.

"I'm okay."

"Bullshit," Leo sighed, rubbing his face, "don't lie to my face, okay? You're miserable."

Vince shrugged, "I will be okay... I got a job in Doverport."

Leo's eyebrows jumped up, "uhm... Congrats?" he said, unsure given the tone of the conversation, "what is it?"

"History teacher at the local public school," Vince picked at his nails, "I start in a week."

"That's great Vin! You've always wanted to teach..." Leo's voice trailed off and he let out a heavy sigh, "and you're not happy."

"What do you mean? Of course I a-"

"It wasn't a question," Leo twirled the coke in his cup with the metal straw, poking at the ice chips, "why are you moving if you don't want to?"

"I do want to," Vince sighed, giving up all pretense at trying to eat and his upbeat attitude, "I miss my parents, Leo. Which I know- Well, it's not something either of you guys is very familiar with, but I don't just love my family, okay? I like them. I genuinely enjoy spending time with them... And my parents are getting old and Sophia is leaving at the end of the year and I'll see her even less and Liv... I feel like I missed every single milestone? She's six, I- I came to college when I she had just learned to say my name..."

It was terrifying, to know he would be missing out on important memories with the ones he loved regardless of each town he picked.

"No, I get it," Leo nodded, then when Vin raised an eyebrow he rolled his eyes, "okay, fine, I don't get it. Not for a second, this is completely out of my reality... But I saw Jon with Angie this Christmas and how heartbroken he was over them not being closer. I saw Luke with his dad and how Kit doesn't even know him... And I know I spent my whole childhood wishing I had something like that," he shrugged, "so yeah, I don't get it, but I do."

Vince nodded, forcefully swallowing against the knot in his throat, "yeah..." he swallowed again, feeling clammy and ill, "it just sucks, because it feels like I'm letting everyone down and-"

"You're not," Leo reached over the table, grabbing Vin's wrist, "look, it's not you leaving, it's how you did it. At least with Wendy it is."

"You don't know Wendy," Vince scoffed, wiping the sweat collecting over his lip, "she's- She's heartbroken and furious and it's my fault."

"I do know Wendy," Leo rolled his eyes, "she's petty as fuck and she's loyal and she's independent and you asked her to give up her life and move with you after you spent two months lying to her face and leading her on."

Vince's eyes widened and he shook his head, "I didn't lie, I just- What was there to tell if I hadn't made up my mind? Nothing."

"She's your girlfriend, of course you could've said something," Leo glared at him, "you think I'd be happy if Jonah just up and decided something after months of thinking it, when he never shared the plans with me? When I wasn't a part of the conversation?"

As if the realization suddenly hit him, Vince mouthed around nothing, confused, "I didn't... I didn't think of that."

Leo let out a little snort, before starting to drink his coke. He waited, patiently, as Vince came to terms with the new realization.

It took him a minute to put it into words, but he did it, crumpling forward and shielding his face with his hands, saying in a muffled voice, "I fucked up."

"You fucked up," Leo agreed, trying not to sound too harsh, "but she still took you back, so I'm gonna guess you didn't fuck up that badly."

"God knows why she did," Vince grumbled, removing a hand from his face and staring at the table, looking like he wanted to say something and failing.

Leo's winced in sympathy, "look, we love you, Vin. All of us. That's not gonna change, okay? They'll get over it."

"Yeah," his friend nodded, not looking like he believed it, "you should come visit..." he didn't raise his eyes from the table, "I'm really going to miss you, kid."

Leo's valiant smile and upbeat attitude wavered a little and he only nodded, not quite managing to fake it, "yeah, I'll miss you too..."

"I think we should get going, I still have to hit the road..." Vince cringed just at the thought. His father had let him borrow the car, so he could retrieve all the boxes from Wendy's apartment and the trunk and backseat were already loaded up.

He still had to swing by his girlfriend's apartment to get some stuff and to say goodbye... And his stomach was burning just thinking of it.

Everything felt horrible, from getting up to hugging Leo goodbye, to driving away and the prospect of the four hours long drive before him... And saying goodbye to Wendy...

Vince was so caught up in his own angst, that he completely missed the car parked next to Wendy's pink one. He had started to sweat back in the restaurant, clammy perspiration over saying goodbye to Leo, but that by now he knew was more than just that.

He felt downright woozy during the elevator ride, the small lunch he had been able to force down starting to flip in his stomach. Vince leaned against Wendy's red front door, resting his forehead on it and took a measured breath.

He just had to fake it for half an hour more. Just enough to kiss her goodbye and try not to start crying over it and then...

"And you think it's the meds?" Wendy's voice travelled through the door and Vince groaned, as he quickly realized she had company, Bella's voice answering.

"I hope it's just the meds... I'm scared, Wendy - Fuck that, I'm overwhelmed..."

"Of course you are, it's a lot to handle on your own, Bells..."

Vince turned the doorknob, deciding to make his presence known sooner rather than later. He was already in both women's shit list, the last thing he wanted was to be accused of eavesdropping on them.

As soon as he opened the door, the talking died down and both girls turned to face him. Bella was leaning against the dining table, while Wendy was on the opposite side, putting the decor back on top of the table after they had lunch.

He could still smell it in the air, raspberry pie and something else.

"Oh hey, you're back early!" Wendy's voice went up a note, all awkward in a way that wasn't like her at all. She glanced nervously at Bella, who had crossed her arms defensively and raised her eyebrows.

"Hi," Bell said coolly and Vin all but flinched at her tone.

He loved this girl like a sister and it was a slap to the face to be treated like that.

"Hi," Vince gripped the doorknob, "I'm on my way out," which was the wrong thing to say, because Bell let out an incredulous, bitter scoff, while Wendy promptly dropped the vase she was holding down on the table, looking spooked.

"Already? I thought you were only leaving tonight..." She looked all heartbroken, "I thought we'd have more time-"

"Don't let the door hit you on your way out," Bella said and Vince reeled at her tone, while Wendy's mouth hung open, her heart shaped face turning pink.

"That's fucking enough, Bell," she glared at the ginger, "you can be civilized or you can leave."

A horrible warmth spread all over Vince and he breathed in deeply through his nose. The floor seemed to be swimming, nausea clinging to the back of his throat.

"I'm not gonna coddle him just because-"

"This isn't about Vince and you know it, you're letting your feelings get in the way-"

"Yeah, damn right I am!" Bella exclaimed, her voice a note louder and Vince groaned, as it made his head pound.

He was going to be sick.

His mouth filled with saliva and he gulped down nervously, trying to think through the horrible fog. He could bolt for the bathroom, but that would get them questioning him, besides... He really didn't want to impose on Wendy, she was already being too understanding-

"Helloooo? I'm talking with you, jackass," Bella's voice cut through the haze and Vince struggled to focus on her. She had moved closer, while Wendy was hot on her heels, looking flustered and pissed off.

"You really should go now, Bella-"

"Fuck no, I won't, not until he looks at me-"

"Move," Vince groaned, squeezing his eyes shut and darting a hand forward. It touched Bell's wrist and he squeezed it as well, "Bella, get out of the way-"

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!?" Bella's voice suddenly was much louder, "let go off me-" the implication of her words was more nauseating than anything and Vince's stomach surged up in his throat... And he didn't have it in him to even fight it.

He bent in half, shoving Bella back to avoid getting her combat boots covered in sick and then lost his lunch on Wendy's foyer. All over his boots.

Vince swayed on the spot, a cramp hitting him fiercely and he would've crumpled down to his knees, wasn't it for Bella grabbing him suddenly.

"Vince?! Vin, what the fuck!?" Bella exclaimed right next to his ear, her voice strained by the effort of keeping him collapsing. He was far too big for her, if his knees fully gave in, he'd pull them both down, "what's wrong? Are you sick? Are you hurt?!"

All that anger gone in the flick of a wrist.

Vince let out a groan, squeezing his stomach. Everything felt horrible, his head felt completely disconnected from his body, his belly was sour and far from empty, churning up a storm and he was freezing...

"Aw honey," Wendy's voice, a balm to his nerves, made Vince open his eyes. A towel had already been draped over the puddle of sick and his girlfriend had wrapped her arm around his opposite side, helping Bella hold him up, "you're not well, I can feel the fever from here..."

"I'm g-" His throat constricted and Vince gulped down against the knot in there, "gon'besick..."

"Yeah, help us," Bella gasped, sounding worried and frustrated as they tried to move him to the bathroom. Without his help, not even in a pair they could do much.

Vince nodded, shivering violently and leaning on them, using all his force to move. He collapsed down on the bathroom floor, taking Bella with him since she was the one further inside.

There wasn't much time to think as he pushed the toilet lid up and tried, vaguely, not to cause a bigger mess. His stomach cramped again, squeezing, and Vince white knuckled the porcelain, heaving.

A hand cupped his forehead, supporting his heavy head and Vince leaned into the soft touch with a sob. His thoughts were a jumbled mess, flip flopping between the horrible sensation of his body and the confusion and hurt over the previous interaction.

"I'm-ssssorry..." Vince slurred, sounding and feeling drunk, trying to get rid of the line of thick spit dangling from his bottom lip.

"Shut up," Bella said quietly, dabbing his lip with a wad of toilet paper, "jesus, you're soaked..."

"Here," Wendy, crouching down next to them, planting a humid washcloth to the back of his neck. Vince let his eyes slip closed, immediately regretting it as in the darkness he could feel the room twirling around him-

"Arms up," Bella, grabbing his elbow, "c'mon, big guy, help me here."

"Whataare... What are you doing...?" Vince forced his eyes open and realized he was no longer slumped over the toilet, but propped against the cold wall of the bathroom. Wendy was standing near the sink, re-wetting the washcloth.

"You're boiling," Bell explained, all soft, "we need to get your temperature down."

He really didn't feel like he could trust her, not after all the yelling, not after she had been ignoring him... Besides, it was freezing.

"No, 'mnot..."

"Yes, you are, Vin," Bella pushed his damp hair back, looking terribly concerned, "this is going to help, okay?"

"Uhm-" he couldn't help but lean on her touch, letting his eyes close. Sure, he was hurt over Bell's words and she was pissed at him, but it was still Bella...

"Honey," Wendy, patting his cheek, "Vin, open your eyes... Vin..."

He tried to force them open, ready to cry over not being able to just fucking sleep. Being awake just meant feeling like he was about to spew the food he had eaten back in 8th grade, he'd much rather sleep-

"Vince," Wendy shook him a little harder and Vince opened his eyes. He was shirtless now, which was more than a little concerning. He didn't remember taking his shirt off.

Bella was perched on the bathtub, watching over them, and Wendy was crouched in front of him, cupping his face.

Vince's head swam as he tried to focus on his girlfriend. Wendy's eyes were the size of platters, all worried.

"Hi..."

"Hey," she forced a smile, stroking his cheek, "how are you feeling?"

"Like crap," Vince groaned and couldn't help a small smile as he heard Bella snort.

"Yeah?" Wendy rolled her eyes, "when did you start feeling sick, honey?"

"Uhm..." Vince winced as another cramp hit him and he curled up, sucking in the air. It took a second to breath through the hot, sharp pain and as soon as the iron grip in his inside eased, a new wave of nausea hit him. He was sweating, gulping nervously as his mouth watered and his tongue felt too big for his mouth, "don't feel good..."

"I know, sweetheart," Wendy smoothed his hair back, "I just need to know for how long this has been going on. Were you sick this morning?"

She sounded so... Calm. So gentle. Somewhere in the recess of his mind Vince knew this wasn't a good thing, that this was Wen using her doctor voice. The last thing he wanted was to be an even bigger bother-

Tears stung his eyes and Vince curled up even more, turning his head away from Wendy... His eyes paused on Bella and she looked horribly guilty. Twice as concerned. None of the calm that Wendy sported, panic was written all over her face.

"I'm so sorry," she said before Vince could say anything and a sob bubbled up, making his whole frame shake. Vince ducked his head, he didn't want to cry, but the fever was frying at his nerves and before he head any control over it, big fat tears started to run down his cheeks.

"Hey, hey..." Wendy whispered, moving up and wrapping her arms around him, pulling Vince into a tight hug, "hey, I got you. You're okay-"

"I'm sorry," he mumbled into her hair, words sticking together, shaking them both, "I'm sorry, I don't- I'm making a mess, I've made a mess-"

"No, no, we're fine," Wendy squeezed him, kissing the side of his head, "we're working through it, right? We're okay- You're okay-"

"No, I'm not, I don't- I hate this. Everything is wrong and I feel wrong, and-" Vince sobbed, his words jumbling together in one continuous stream that made no sense even to his own ears and suddenly there was another pair of arms wrapped around him, squeezing him even tighter than Wendy was.

"B-Bell...?"

"I'm here- You-you're okay," she mumbled, voice muffled since Bella's cheek was squished to his shoulder, "we're okay, alright? We're gonna be okay."

"But- but you hate..." Vince whimpered and Bella pulled back, all but replacing Wendy in cupping his face, forcing their eyes to meet.

"No, I'm furious at you, I don't hate you," she glared at him, "not for a second, Vin."

This was all very touching, but Vince's stomach apparently hadn't gotten the memo he was having a moment, because suddenly he was gagging.

Bella jumped out of the way and both women pushed him forward to lean over the bowl, just in time for the rest of his stomach lining to make a reappearance. He coughed and coughed, but there wasn't much more to bring up and Vince was left panting and sobbing, curled up over the toilet bowl.

He felt Bella's fingers moving through his sweaty hair, Wendy squeezing his arm as she got up from the ground, "stay with him, I'm gonna settle the room. Clearly he's not stopping any time soon."

Vince groaned, he didn't need Bell to sit with him, he didn't need a nanny... Bella flicked at his ear.

"No one said anything about you needing a nanny," she scoffed, before continuing to comb his hair, "you seem hellbent on throwing up on me."

Vince let out a surprised chuckle, eyes closed as he breathed through the nausea that was starting back up, "it's the least you deserve after yelling at me like that."

Bella snorted, running her hand up and down his naked back, "god, I'm gonna fucking miss you."

#HI IS THIS ANYTHING #sickfic #stomach flu #emetophilia #emeto #mywriting #vince monacelli #here have 3 caretakers for the price of 1

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kkurisuac · 3 months

Text

𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲

Sypnosis: a suicidal girl meets the boy who saved her

Pairing: Baji Keisuke x Fem!Reader

Warning: depression, suicide

It's cold. I'm cold. I can't breathe. Someone is talking, but I don't understand what. My eyes are so heavy.

My head hurts. It's so hard to breathe. Where am I? Why is everything white here? This is definitely a hospital, but what am I doing here?

"Are you awake?" asked a boy with long black hair. I raised my eyes to him and suddenly everything came to me. I wanted to commit suicide. But even that didn't work.

"Are you feeling okay?" he continued to ask, but I just started looking at the ceiling.

I remember now. I walked into the sea to drown. I wasn't fully conscious anymore, I almost made it, but someone lifted me out of the water. I don't remember completely, but I felt someone holding me and trying to wake me up with no success. So that would be the boy.

"Why did you save me?" I asked him the question, not very nicely.

"Because you were drowning?!"

"That was the point."

"Oh, well, sorry I didn't let you die, next time I'll watch from a distance." he said wryly.

"You'd be doing a favour for me."

"You're welcome by the way, no thanks necessary." he left me alone. Of course, let me be the one to blame.

I just want to be dead already.

I was discharged from the hospital and went home, where I was immediately yelled at for where I was. No, they didn't ask me where I was, how I was. Again, the point was not to ruin the family's reputation.

"Why can't you behave yourself? Look at your sister, she'd never do that!" shouted Dad.

"She studies normally, she works, she helps your mother at home, she does voluntary work and she's smart and pretty too. But that's less true of you." he continued to shout at me.

"Tell Y/n where were you last night?"

"I wanted to commit suicide." I declared, and my father laughed at me.

"Y/n how many times do I have to tell you not to draw attention to yourself like that! Follow your sister and believe me everyone will know about you."

Enough. Stop it.

I refused to listen any longer to how much better my sister was, so I went to my room instead.

I looked in the mirror and saw the same girl I saw every day. The girl I want to kill because her existence is useless. She'll never be good enough for anyone because she's an insignificant little girl. She's not even pretty, she's not smart, she doesn't stand out, she's not even average. Her parents don't like her, then others even more so. No one would even notice if she died.

I went down to my family's for dinner and hoped to get away with all kinds of bullshit today. But a night like this only exists in my dreams, because I'm the target of the whole family.

"Y/n you're not having this for dinner tonight." Mom said like she was normal.

"What? Why?" I asked, because I didn't understand what was going on.

"You've put on a few pounds lately so you can't be seen in public. You need to lose a few kilos."

"Look at your sister's beautiful figure. If you ate normally and exercised, you could be as beautiful as your sister."

Enough. Stop saying that.

Since I was in no mood for anything, I went back to my room and listened to music.

Why was I born? What have I done to be treated like this? Why doesn't my own family love me? Why am I alive?

"Miss, would you like some dinner?" knocked one of the maids.

"Aren't my parents having dinner or something?" I asked, because I don't normally get that question.

"Your parents and your sister are eating at a restaurant today. And they asked me to give you this." he handed me a little piece of paper with Dad's handwriting on it.

'We're off to celebrate your sister's graduation, we won't be home till late. Learn, so that next time we celebrate you.'

My father is so nice. They left me out of this one too. Not so surprising, I think.

I wanted to kill myself for two weeks. It's time to try again, maybe this time I'll succeed.

Walking down the dark street, waiting for a car to come and hit me. First and last time I would finally get lucky.

"You again?!" a motorbike stopped in front of me. Right in front of me, so I didn't even get a scratch.

"I can't die because of you again?!" I saddened.

"Alright, why do you want to die so badly?" he asked rather nervously.

"It's none of your business."

"Where are you going now? To hang yourself? Or what will you try next?"

"That's a good idea. I'm going to get some rope."

Taking my hand, he wouldn't let me take a step.

"Let go of me. Don't interfere with my suicide attempt."

"Why would a girl like you want to die? And answer me normally!" he squeezed my hand a little.

"Don't take your anger out on me." I took my hand away. I wanted to end the conversation, but he stopped me.

"You want to take your anger out with me instead of committing suicide?"

"I'd rather be suicidal." I replied without thinking. "But before that, it doesn't sound bad. What are we going to do?"

When I agreed I hadn't fully thought it through, but I felt that there could be no harm in it, after all, I was leaving this world anyway.

"Are we really going to set a car on fire? How legal is that?" "Not at all" he handed me a match. I was a little unsure about what we were doing, but it seemed exciting to do it.

As soon as the boy said I could do it I dropped the match and the car started burning nicely. I had no idea it would feel so liberating.

"I am Baji Keisuke."

"Y/n."

"Now that we've committed a crime together, will you tell me why you want to die?" he looked at me seriously. Sighing heavily, I gave in and quickly began to summarize my life.

"I'm an accidental child raised by a foster woman because my parents put work first and I found out at a young age how untalented I am, unlike my sister. She's good at everything, really. She dances, she studies, she works, she competes, she volunteers, she's beautiful, she's smart, she has everything to be perfect. But I'm not. That's it." I was satisfied with that, but as I could see Baji is not satisfied.

"Every day I'm told how much better my sister are, that I'm useless, that nobody cares about me. They always compare me to my sister. Today, for example, they went to celebrate my sister's birthday, leaving me at home to study. It's terrible to be born into a rich family where fame comes first." I finished.

Baji sat in silence for a while waiting for me to speak.

"Is that reason enough to commit suicide?"

"No. It may be bad now, but if you commit suicide, you will never know what the future would have been. You might meet someone close to you who will help you realize how wonderful you are."

"We just set a random car on fire, how did you get so serious now?" I asked, laughing slightly.

"Hey, don't laugh at me." he said to me.

"I've never thought about the future."

"Then maybe now would be a good time."

"And tell me, can you help? I mean, save me when I'm about to commit suicide?" I asked, completely serious, and he agreed

"You told me not to commit suicide because I never know what the future holds. It's a bit ironic, isn't it Baji?"

"I came to your grave, not the other way around." I put the flower down in front of him.

"Six months ago you saved me when I needed it. Why didn't you let me save you too? Why did you commit suicide? That was my role."

"Thank you for saving me every time, but tell me I can commit suicide now? I'm not interested in a future that doesn't include you. Baji, I want to be with you." I wiped my eyes, but my tears didn't stop for a moment.

It was because of him that I had been able to survive so far, but he chose to go ahead. However, I can't leave him alone, so it's time to go after him.

#tokyo revengers #tr x reader #tr x you #baji keisuke #baji x reader #angst #sad ending

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

Note

Would I (early 20s nb) be the asshole for "rushing"/taking over the responsibility my partner(early to mid 20s f) took to rehome a cat we adopted together?

🐉🐱 <- so I notice myself

Tw for cat death

I know this sounds terrible just from the title but please read the whole thing. I'm just so emotionally done at this point and it's getting dangerous for us. This is also long lmao and please don't post this to YouTube or TikTok, I don't wanna deal with it, even if I changed names and a few ages.

So I've been living with my partner and her family for almost 3 years. I moved 10 hrs away from my home state to live with her because my parents were abusive. We dated for about 2 years prior to me moving. My partners family are equally abusive just in different ways. My family had some verbal and emotional/mental abuse while her family has constantly threatened physical abuse and lots of mental and verbal abuse.

Either way, I was screwed but I'd rather at least be able to come home to the love of my life instead of only being able to text her. I should mention here that my partner works full time while I'm working to get on disability for mobility issues so I am with our cats every day. I bring a little income with commissions on my crafts but it's not enough to soully sustain us.

When I moved in, my partner had 2 cats, let's call them Salem and Vector. Salem was a 10 yr old male cat and Vector was 2 yr old male cat. About a year after I moved in, in the beginning of 2022, Salem died suddenly from kidney failure and we were devastated. Salem wasn't originally my partner's cat (she'd gotten him from a friend only a year prior to me moving in) but we still loved him deeply. He was the first pet I ever put down and I'll never forget my partner's sobbing. About 2 and ½ months later, we got a kitten, lets call him Arthur, a 3 month old male. We shouldn't have but my partner wanted one, I thought I was ready and Vector was very very lonely and depressed.

I named Arthur and Arthur was feisty from the very beginning but he was sweetish. I told my partner, in a panic late at night a week after getting him; that I wasn't ready for a new kitten, i regretted getting him, we werent bonding, etc etc and she told me to just relax and breathe and give it time so i did. I gave it a full year and a half and... I'm ashamed to say I still don't feel that love connection with him. It started out small; chewing and destroying wires, food aggression (not like he'd bite us if we went near his food, more just got very excited and would painfully climb us to get to our food or any food) and because he was so jumpy, he'd freak out over every sound and rip us up trying to jump off of us.

We got Arthur from a cat colony being watched over by my partner's coworkers however he was born indoors, spent the necessary time with Mom and was handled from day one so he wasn't feral. He'd wouldn't beat us up but anytime he got excited to play or get pet or get wet food or anything we got scarred. His destruction has just gotten worse the older he's gotten, hes very very loud all the time (we like vocal cats but he screams) and he's not affectionate at all. He's not mean but he's just not interested in any cuddling or pets or anything. I don't want a rug I have to feed and clean up shit after.

About 4 months later, we ended up with, let's call her Coral. Coral was another kitten, female this time, when she crawled up in my car. She was feral from the start but she quickly became very loving and cuddly and sweet. She still very much so is. I wanna say, although I never grew a particular fondness for Arthur like my partner has, I've never mistreated, abused or neglected Arthur in any way. I've never yelled at him or treated him differently from our other cats. He got the same cuddles and attention Coral and Vector get, the only difference is that Arthur is crated at night so he doesn't make us lose an eye from some hard zoomies or get into food or dangerous things when we can't watch him. He's out all day and is only crated from 12 pm to 7 am when my partner gets up and let's him out. He's got a bed, food and water, a few toys and a small litter box in his crate so he's covered and he can see us and his siblings the entire night so hes not have separation anxiety.

Now onto the hard part. I'm done with Arthur. Emotional and physically, I don't want Arthur anymore. I'm exhausted from being constantly ripped up and screamed at and having important things destroyed by Arthur the spider cat. No amount of clicker training or treats or sprays of water or redirections can stop him from ripping the room apart(said room is a small apartment, not a normal small room). He gets played with by us all the time and he's got 2 energetic siblings who play with him, we don't know why he acts this way. I could handle Arthur's antics for a bit longer if needed but 2 new issues have made me finally put my foot down about Arthur's further residence with us.

1. Arthur is constantly trying to dominate Coral to the point of hurting her and fur flying fights and scratches. It should be noted that all three cats were neutered/spayed the moment they were of age to do so so it's not a male cat thing. Arthur wants to be higher in the hierarchy but Coral won't take it and thus, some nasty screaming hissy cat fights. Almost very other time they are fine it's just when he gets humpy. There is also a near weekly occurrence of him not reading her " I don't want to play anymore" signals and fights ensue. I'm not gonna stand my cats hurting each other and Arthur is the constant instigator. He tries to fight with Vector too but gets put down immediately, he picks on Coral and not in a playful way. I'm not playing favorites because I love Coral and I'm not connected with Arthur, if Coral was aggressive, we'd take the issue just as seriously but Arthur is the aggressor and Coral is smaller and younger than him so she can't stand up for herself.

2. We need to get out of this house. Her family's abuse is worsening and they constantly joke about hurting our pets and their own pets (the pets have never seen each other, different floors of the house so Arthur's aggression has nothing to do with them). We could barely afford an apartment in the current housing crisis and can barely find ones that allow 1 cat, let alone 2. We have never and probably will never find one that allows 3. All this ignoring the fact we'd lose our deposit instantly from Arthur's destruction.

All in all, Arthur needs to go. I'm noticing myself getting more and more stressed and frustrated and short with a Arthur and he doesn't deserve to live with someone who doesn't love him. Even if he's treated no differently, I'm sure Arthur can tell and even if I feel justified in my lack of love for him, I know he's not trying to hurt us or destroy things maliciously. I'm not nor will ever hurt him but I'm just done with constantly flinching cause he jumped on the bed or dreading letting him out of the cage in the morning because it was so peaceful before then.

I told my partner about 8 months ago (June of 2023) that I was fully done with Arthur and if we ever wanted to leave here, he'd have to go. I told my partner I wanted to start this process in Sept and hopefully have him either rehome or in a no-kill shelter by the end of Oct. I know my partner gets very attached to her animals so that's why I gave her 3 months to process things and a month to rehome him. I was very gentle but stern about this because it would be what's best for him and best for us. My partner agreed but asked if she could do the rehoming and to not talk about it until Sept. I obliged.

Sept, as you can see, has long come and went and now it's Jan of 2024. I've been asking my partner about once a month about the rehoming process and how it's going with mixed results. She made a pet profile on a rehoming site but when I read the description, she didn't really "sell" him well aka mentioned every possible bad thing about him and didn't mention any positives. It felt like she was sabotaging it but I let it be. She showed me a list of 40 no-kill shelters in Dec but she had only checked off 4 of them. She promised me he'd be rehomed by the end of 2023 and he's still here and we are no closer to doing it.

I don't want to wait till the week we move out to rehome him, the stress of the move and changing of the household will be too much stress on us and on Coral and Vector. I don't wanna wait for kitten season to swing back around and we'll never find a place for him. I know it's hard for her but she's breaking a promise for a cat she's admitted herself she's starting to hate. I know rehoming is a process but it's not moving and I feel like my say on his continued residency is being disregarded. I'm not trying to rush my partner but she's broken a promise, it's been 8 months since she could start preparing for this and 5 since she's "started the process" she's dragging her feet intentionally.

So, my idea is that I'll take over the process. I'll offer to help and find the places and get things in order so we can get one less stressor in our lives and Arthur can live in a home with the attention and patience he deserves. I wanna ask her if she wants my help but I don't want her to feel rushed to do it and get upset with me for doing what she promised she would.

I feel like she's waiting for me to just give up and give in and let him stay but she's not the one who has to deal with him all day every day and we don't make enough to find a bougie apartment to take in 3 cats. He'd need to be rehomed even if we got attached because we can't take them all. So, would I be the asshole for taking over the rehoming process for a cat me and my partner no longer like because my partner is intentionally dragging her feet on it or am I justified?

(to note, my partner brought up the possibility that Arthur has a mental illness/possibly be inbred due to the cat colony situation or that we could get him professional training. The issue is we live in a very rural area without a lot of money, 1. We would not be able to afford any mental illness controlling medicine for the long term when we can barely afford our own meds and 2. Classes to train animals are very expensive and the places that could train Arthur are at least a 3 hour drive away. Its not feasible for us, especially when I don't have a license/might not be able to drive on my own due to my disability. If he was properly sheltered, they could get him that help/training or his new owners could afford to but we can't. We can't put him in a kill shelter for moralistic reasons either.)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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queen-of-deans-booty · 1 month

Text

Halt & Catch Fire: Part Three

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst

Summary: You're done being a puppet in their plans. You're done letting them control you. You're finally going to take back your life by becoming something you didn't know was possible. your eyes are opened to something better and God forbid anyone who disrespects you.

Season Ten Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

"Are we going to pretend that I didn't hear what she said back there?" Dean says.

He follows you outside so that you two can have some kind of privacy.

"What she said?" you ask, trying to play dumb when you know it's not going to work.

"Y/N don't fuck with me. Leah wouldn't have said that if it wasn't true. Is it true? Were you pregnant?"

There's no point in hiding it now.

"I wanted you to hear it from me," you cry. "I found out a couple of weeks ago. I made Castiel get rid of it."

"You did what?" he says in a low and dark tone.

That means he is beyond pissed.

"We agreed to not raise a child in this life, Dean. I thought this is what we both wanted!"

"You didn't think to tell me any of this?" he finally yells. "Did you even care what I want?"

"Of course, Dean, but we talked about it! How can we raise a child in this life together right now? With Lucifer? Michael? Amara? The apocalypse?"

"It doesn't matter what we discussed, Y/N! You got pregnant and you killed it! Without even thinking of me! What, did you think I was never going to find out? Does Sam know?"

"Yes," you whisper.

"Oh great, everyone knew but me. I'm so glad you decided to hide this from me. You're supposed to be my family, Y/N!"

"Dean, I am. This decision has been eating me alive. I panicked. I didn't know what to do."

"Not killing the baby would have been step one! That was my child!" he screams.

"Dean, please, I'm so sorry," you cry.

"Leave me alone," he shakes his head.

"Dean, please stay, and let's talk about this."

"I can't even look at you right now," he gets into his car angrily.

He starts her up and peels out of the parking lot in a screech of tires. Your whole world comes crashing down around you, and your knees buckle from the weight. Arms wrap around your body to keep you from falling, and you turn in his arms to bury your head in Sam's chest.

"He hates me," you sob.

"You know, I had another dream of Amara," you say shakily.

You're trying really hard not to cry right now.

"Oh yeah? What about?"

"She told me that our daughter is going to be a witch." You clear your throat noisily. "She said that she doesn't know when our daughter will get her powers because it's different for everyone, I guess. It took me until I was twenty-six to discover mine, so hers can be at any age."

"Well, she'll have a great teacher to learn from," he chuckles.

Tears build up in your eyes, and only two of them fall before you sniffle, signaling to Dean that you are crying.

"I just want to say something," your voice cracks. "My due date is in a month, and I don't know where we stand or if we will get better, but just know that I'm okay. I'll be fine. We can raise her together because she deserves both of her parents in her life, and I don't want to take that away from her."

You're full-on crying now, and it's the kind of crying that breaks Dean's heart. You want to be fine but he knows you aren't, and that is what breaks his heart.

"I don't want to start anything, but as long as Lisa is in the picture, then we can't be anything more than parents." You pause to try and calm yourself but it doesn't work. "I miss you, Dean, like a lot, but I can't make you choose between Lisa--I won't. I just hope you make the right decision here because this is getting to be too damn hard for me."

He really misses you too, and he thinks it's time to have the talk with Lisa. There is something that is keeping him tied to you, and he needs to man up and do something about it or else you will be gone forever.

However, that's the thing... he knows you won't. He's not being fair to you, and he has to man up before you realize that you don't actually need him in your life. The day you realize that is the day his world will stop.

"Y/N Singer and Dean Winchester come together today to join in marriage. I'll keep this short. I hear you two are saying your own vows?"

"Yes," you grin.

The minister backs away slightly, giving you the floor.

"I fell in love with you at age fourteen when we were on a hunt and I got hurt badly. You took care of me, and I suddenly couldn't picture a future without you in it. Even at fourteen, I knew that one day I'd be marrying you and having your children. There have been low-lows, but they don't matter anymore because I have you and you have me. I can hunt for the rest of my life, but the real adventure is getting to be your wife. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know we're going to do it together."

You can see tears in his eyes at your words.

"I was never a kid. I never stopped to think about what I was going to do the week after or even a month after. I always thought about the here and now because I couldn't afford to think about anything else. Then you came along, and I allowed myself to care about what I wore, what I said, and how it affected you. You've always been there for me even when I didn't see it, and for that, I love you so much. You gave me everything I stopped believing in. You gave me Joanna and your love and a future. Suddenly, my future doesn't look as bloody as it was before. I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn, but it's going to be easier with you by my side for the rest of my life."

You're crying from the impact of his words. You grab Dean's hand and try to stop the tears from falling.

"Do you, Dean Winchester, take Y/N Singer to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do," he says.

He takes your engagement ring and slides it onto your left ring finger, and you admire how it shines brightly as if it were meant to be there.

"Do you, Y/N Singer, take Dean Winchester to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," you sniffle.

You take out John Winchester's wedding ring and slide it onto Dean's left ring finger.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Dean pulls you in by your waist, and you meet him halfway. Your lips mold together, fitting perfectly together.

Dean finally managed to get to your room after calming down. Joanna is still with the social worker because he does not want her to see you after you get the news you will never hold your son. You're just waking up from surgery and notice Dean closes the door right behind him.

"Hey, what happened?" you panic slightly.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired, but okay. What happened?"

"You fell and hit your head on the side of the laundry machine. Sweetheart, you had a brain bleed. You were taken into surgery, and you're going to be just fine. Your magic healed you of the injury, and they expect you to go home in a few days."

As he is explaining, you're looking around the room in confusion. Your hand immediately goes to your stomach, and you gasp when you don't feel your children inside.

"Where's our kids? Joanna?"

"Joanna is with a social worker. She is just fine. Maryann--"

"Please tell me our baby girl's okay," you whimper.

"She is in the NICU right now. She is on a ventilator, so they're going to keep her here for two months. They want to monitor her progress, but the doctor says that she's very healthy for her age. She's going to be okay."

"And our son?" A fresh wave of tears comes for Dean, and the second you see the water in his eyes, you shake your head in denial. "No. Do not tell me anything but he's okay. Please, Dean, tell me our son is okay."

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

His words flow out of his mouth but you're not hearing what he has to say. After letting it sink in that you're never going to hold him and make memories with him, you tip your head back and just sob. Dean scoots closer to your bed and grabs your hand, leaning in to hold you close.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

You grab the soap and run it along his body, getting every inch available to you. You run the washcloth over his right arm and he flinches when it touches the Mark.

"This power... makes me nervous. I'm so fucking scared that it's going to consume me. I've always been an angry guy but this is different. It's like it's amplifying that part of me. I'm trying so fucking hard not to let it affect you and the kids, but I don't know how much longer I'll be able to control it. I'm scared I'll end up hurting you or the kids."

"I'm scared, too. When I touched the First Blade for the first time, it was like my whole body was consumed by my magic. It felt like a dark part of me opened up at that moment. I didn't like how it felt."

"You know, when you touched the blade, I saw red. I don't know if it was all in my mind, but your magic turned red for a split second."

"That's what I'm talking about. That power was dark and chaotic and messy and it scared me. I'm terrified that harnessing that kind of power is gonna get someone killed."

"We'll get through this together."

"Yeah, I know we will. I love you."

"I love you."

If Dean wasn't in a library full of students, he would be crying. You two have been through so much together and you're throwing it all down the drain. For what? How can he save you after all this? What's going to happen when you get your soul and remember what you've done to him? Will you two ever catch a fucking break?"

"Dean," Sam says and shakes his shoulder.

Dean peels his eyes away from you and notices Janet is gone.

"Sorry," Dean whispers.

The junkyard is where you three are headed next. Joey's car is inside the junkyard waiting to be broken down for parts. It hasn't yet which is a good thing because it can be burned. Sam and Dean walk ahead of you so you pick at the device in your neck without them noticing.

You know the life you and Dean have shared together. You know what you've meant to him but you couldn't care less about it. All emotional ties to Dean have been severed. He keeps acting like you're going to wake up one day and all those feelings are going to come rushing back. Guess what? They're not. They're gone as long as you don't have a soul. If and when you get reunited with your soul, what's going to happen when you start to remember all the horrible things you've done? Think Dean is going to be enough to bring you back?

You guess you'll see when you cross that bridge.

"Alright, so we're looking for something that used to resemble a pickup truck," Sam says. He shines his flashlight at the different cars before coming to one that has the license plate SEMPERF on it. "Here it is."

On the front seat is this icky gooey substance you're sure is not oil.

"I'm guessing that ain't oil," you say.

"It's ectoplasm."

Sam takes out his EMF reader and watches as it lights up like a Christmas tree.

"Look at this. Joey?"

"Looks like it. So, big brother didn't get along with little brother and was pissed that he was driving his baby. I get it."

"What are you saying? If you died and I drove your car, you'd kill me?"

"If you stunk her up with taquitos, probably. Alright, let's do this."

Sam and Dean perform the usual: Salt, kerosene, and a lighter. You stay for a bit to get warm by the truck fire before leaving with the brothers. Hunt solved, right?

Wrong.

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester angst #supernatural #supernatural fic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #supernatural angst #spn #supernatural series rewrite #supernatural season 10

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m-n-m-s · 1 year

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Hiiii, could you please write headcanons of 1610!Miles having a younger sibling? Not a spiderperson tho. Also pretend that his younger sibling was also in ITSV and ATSV movies! 😄 (fun fact, Miles actually had a little baby sister in the comics)

HIII

1610! Miles with a younger! sibling

1610! Miles Morales + Gn!Younger!Sibling Reader

red: miles

green: you

ok so depending like how much younger than him you are

it would be a lil different

let's say you were like a decent few years younger, not rly close in age

y'all would be pretty chill ngl

"miles?"

"yeah?"

"can you help me with my drawing?"

"..."

"ok fine. just stop with the puppy eyes."

if you're like way younger than him and you give him your best puppy eyes that man is a goner.

however.

if you guys are like similar in age, with you being a few years younger

the two of you will be switching between:

BESTIES!!!!

i hate you.

"wow, this is actually a great drawing."

"...thank you?"

*literally five minutes later*

"get your arachnid-looking ass out of my way."

"extremely unnecessary. but okay."

you found out the fact he was spider-man relatively quick

yk that one scene in itsv when he gets everything in his dorm room stuck to him?

that happened once at home

you just strolled in and he's standing on one of the walls sideways

attempting to un-stick several drawing tools off of his hands.

one of which was also stuck to the ceiling, may i add.

you kinda just stood there for a moment

both of you engaged in like a staredown typa thing

"i can explain."

"why the fuck are you standing parallel to the floor??"

"..."

"you spiderman or something?"

"...maybe?"

you were originally joking with that sentence, but okay

anyway from that point on you had to restrain yourself from using the "miles is spider-man!" card with your parents

forced him to swing you around the city once

big mistake!!

miles will insistently claim that you were clinging to him so hard that you cut off his blood circulation.

"we are HUNDREDS OF FEET UP IN THE AIR MILES! DO YOU WANT ME TO FALL AND DIE??"

"you really don't need to yell in my ear. maybe i should drop you-"

"do not."

miles will literally never admit it but he was ridiculously worried for you while he was with the other spiders during itsv

the same in atsv

but both of you would rather eat the dust beneath the other's bed than admit that you missed each other

the most you would probably do when he came back home would be like this sad shoulder pat

"good on you for not dying."

"thank you for not getting kidnapped by a random villain dude."

"aww, were you worried about me?"

"nah. did you miss me?"

"no. i finally got to take my time in the bathroom in the morning."

this is a lie.

if miles wasn't preoccupied with trying not to die, he would be picking at his nails, hoping you were okay

meanwhile, you were almost missing the annoying knocks on the door and the accompanying "god, hurry up!"

when gwen finally visited him in atsv, you were so prepared.

subtly embarrassing your older brother in any way possible

for funsies!!

"yo, miles! why is your bright pink teddy bear in the middle of the fucking hallway??"

"shut up. that's not mine."

bro definitely apologized to the teddy bear afterward

you definitely tried to fight someone for miles at least once

he watched in amusement the whole time.

but if it actually started turning out to be a physical fight he would pick you up and/or drag you away

you're not gonna get hurt because of him

"let me go! i can take him-"

"sorry, no can do. mama would murder both of us."

there was one time when he almost got into a fight with someone because he heard them talking about you

you had to use all your strength and will to drag him outta there

"damn your stupid mutant spider strength-"

"radioactive."

"i didn't ask. c'mon, spidey."

shenanigans aside, you were always there for him whenever he came back late after his spider duties

you didn't ask questions, because most of the time, he didn't look like he would answer them

so you quietly patched him up, cracking stupid little jokes to see him smile

if he wanted to talk about it, you would listen

maybe even give him a hug, which you never really do

the next morning he would let you steal some food from his plate to thank you

maybe even take you for a swing, only if you promised not to cut off blood supply to his arms

all in all, miles n his younger sibling's relationship would be very funny to watch but also very sweet <3

his lil baby sis in the comics was so adorable omg 😭 🫶🏻

i was gonna make this shorter but it ran away from me 😦

#miles morales #miles morales headcanons #miles morales x gn reader #earth 1610 miles morales x reader #earth 1610 miles x reader #idk what else to tag help 😭#miles morales + sibling reader #itsv miles #atsv miles #e1610 miles

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fandomwave · 6 months

Text

Tcoaal Dev Update and Thoughts You know the drill it's under the cut for those who wanna cut and run on my infestation of thoughts on The Coffin Game

OK I'M

I WANNA TALK ABOUT THE TCOAAL UPDATE BC IT'S BEEN ROTATOING AROUND MY HEAD AND I THINK IT SAYS A FUCKING

L O T

ABOUT ANDREW WITHOUT REVEALING THE TOTAL CONTEXT (which could change this entire yell that I wanna have but that's the thrill of the game theory)

The fact that there is SOME rumor going on (Which if I had to put my finger on would be either that he's boning his sister, ((which would further Andrew's want to put distance between himself and Ashley that's permeated)) or that they killed Nina ((Which would also explain why Julie of all people came to Andrew to say she thinks he should ignore them)) Or I guess a secret third thing, that's always possible but listen, we live on the edge here and I'm not above base jumping some logical leaps

The fact that Andrew did not ask Julie and Nina to be Ashley's friends because of a concern for her, but more than likely a concern for his own standing. The fact we have a scene of their mom and Andrew looking at least sad, saying "I'm trying" makes me feel like Mrs Graves was less an Absent Parent who accidentally foisted Ashley's care onto Andrew by proxy of just not having the time to take care of them both herself, and more that she in fact DIRECTLY tasked him with her care. When she got into trouble, Andrew got into trouble, if there were concerns in her behavior, Andrew was tasked to solving it.

It would explain why he says it means a lot to ME (even if he did cover it up with 'Her' afterwards) because it means that he is no longer tasked with 'solving' this issue.

Not only that but the fact that it SOUNDS like they have been dating or at least flirting since high school. This is a flashback from the past. Andrew's hair is shorter, he has acne, there are rumors of Andrew and Ashley floating around meaning Ashley is more than likely at the same school, and as far as we know Ashley was not attending college so.. Anyways this means that lets say generously Andrew is 18 here, last year of high school, and is 22 in the current time. Lets say it takes.. a year for them to date. I doubt it but lets just say. That means they've more than likely been an item for 3 years. 3 years is a.. it's a significant amount of time for a young adult, so the fact that Andrew, when reviewing his memory of her dorm and of her, admits

You'll never see her again. And the fact that it doesn't bother you, bothers you

W O O F buddy.

Not only that but lets assume both rumors here: Andrew clearly saw that Julia was interested in him. He wasn't oblivious to her intentions and even CONSIDERS the whole gambit with her for a few minutes before asking if she had anything going on after school. That moment of him looking away, I would bet cold hard cash was him doing the mental math of how much this would benefit him in the long run. 'He's fucking his sister' > He gets someone to superimpose his fantasies on, he gets an out to the rumors concerning Ashley, he doesn't have to work too hard to establish a relationship because Ashley and her have been… f r i e n d s…. since they were kids. Since before Nina died. (Young Andrew asks Nina and Julie if they would be her friends) OR 'They killed Nina' > Again the clear interest in Andrew offers a little bit of a shield of guilt. Why would Nina's best friend date someone who she thought killed her. Julie and him dating would mean Julie could herself defend him against the rumors, and by proxy Ashley since he's established that Ashley and her are 'Friends'. And again he doesn't have to work hard on getting her attention because she's here and interested.

What a fucking garbage man. I love him I just can't get over the IDEA that he might have used her entirely as a moral meat shield and then when she broke it off with him, just wasn't even emotionally compromised by it. He's been lying to her face for years. He's been lying about Nina He's been lying about his control over Ashley's actions He's been lying about his entire attachment to her

Ashley was so on the fucking money, even if those voicemails were real or a fabrication of Andrew's inner thoughts: Julie really was just a hole for him to fill.

#tcoaal #the coffin of andy and leyley #reeks of folgers

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nadinebrooks · 2 years

Text

Here is the link to my masterlist.

James Sirius Potter x Reader: We're Just Friends

Warning: None

"Dad is not going to be happy when he hears about you." I yelled up at my twin brother. I had been searching the whole castle for about an hour looking for him. I managed to find him at the Quidditch pitch. This was the first place I should have looked.

I knew that Scorpius loved coming to the Quidditch pitch when he wanted to blow off some stream. It was one of the few things in this world that could calm down.

Scorpius had always been rather sensitive. He tried to keep a lot of his feelings bottled up, but I always knew when something was bothering him. I mean we spent a lot of time together when we weren't in school.

Tryouts were coming up and Scorpius wanted to play Quidditch just like our father. He even wanted to be a Seeker just like dad. If you ask me, I think that Scorpius should try to go off on his own path. He wanted to do everything just like our dad.

Growing up we had always been super close. We told each other everything. I could read his emotions better than mine. But we didn't get to see each other as much as I would like us to because of the fact that we were in two different houses. It was hard to get some alone time with him just so we could talk.

Like I mentioned earlier, Scorpius was rather sensitive. Even though he felt a lot of his feelings, he wasn't someone that liked to share all those feelings. But I knew something was off with him. I always knew when something was wrong with him.

He followed behind directly in our parent's footsteps and ended up in Slytherin. I ended up in Gryffindor. I don't think my parents were upset about it. I mean they didn't say anything that made me think they were mad at me. I had heard the stories about how my dad treated people when he was at school. I knew that I did not want my family to be portrayed in that light anymore.

I hated that I only got to see each Scorpius during a few of classes we had together throughout the week. We were both so busy with our schedules that it was hard to find time to talk.

So, I decided that I would track him down if it was the only thing I had time to do today.

"What are you talking about (y/n)?" He glared coming down from the sky on his broom. He passed me a Snitch. He didn't even have to say anything. I knew exactly what he wanted me to do. When he would practice at home, I would release the Snitch from different places around our manor and he would race to find it.

He was letting me know that since I was here the least I could do was help him out. If this is what I had to do to get some talking time with my brother then I was more than happy to do it.

I let the golden ball go and it flew around. Once he had caught it, he would bring it back to me. It was like a human game of fetch.

After a little while of doing this, an owl landed beside me. I instantly recognized the owl and I felt myself get giddy with happiness. I immediately ripped open the letter. I gave the owl an extra snack that I had been carrying around to eat later. I always carried an extra snack around just for this owl.

Meet me at our usual spot. Usual time.

-JP

Scorpius was riding around on the broom that my father had bought him for Christmas two years ago. Since it was a little out dated, our grandfather had promised Scorpius the newest broom model if he made the team. At first our grandfather wasn't happy at all when I had gotten placed Gryffindor. I thought he was going to disown me. Eventually he got over it just like my dad did a couple of years ago.

"I know about Rose Weasley." I blurted out before I could even stop myself. Scorpius' head snapped towards me causing him to miss the Snitch. It flew away further than he would have liked but he flew after it and caught it with ease. Once he caught it, he slowly made his way over to me. I could tell that he was trying to decide how to approach this conversation.

"What about Rose?" He sighed tightly gripping the broom. I could see that his face was calm but on the inside he was freaking out. I knew that face so well because I had mastered that face.

My father and I were extremely close and I told him everything. I knew that Scorpius didn't want this little secret to slip out. Even though my dad and I were close, I would never betray my brother. I would go to the end of the Earth for him. With absolutely no questions asked.

"I know you two are sneaking around." I grumbled. "Honestly, I'm a little offended that you didn't tell me. I thought we told each other everything." I reached over and pinched his cheek.

"Funny that you would say that." He darkly chuckled swatting my hand away. He started packing up his equipment and then headed back towards the school. I stood there trying to figure out what exactly he meant by that. By the time I had come back to my senses, Scorpius was halfway back to the school.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I nervously asked when I had caught up with him. I don't even know why I needed to ask. I knew exactly what he was trying to say. We had been so careful. There's no way that he knew. No way that anyone knew.

"You know exactly what I'm trying to say (y/n)." He took the stairs towards the dungeon and I followed. I pulled my robes tighter around me. It was always so cold down here. "I know that you and James Potter have been sneaking around. You two have been meeting each other late at night. I saw his owl (y/n). No reason to hide it."

"I-but-we-" I stammered not sure how to make the situation any better. He had called me out and there was nothing I could do.

"What was that you said about not telling each other everything?" He turned around and raised a pale eyebrow waiting for me to come up with an excuse. There was no need to lie to him.

"We haven't done anything." I huffed causing his eyebrow to raise higher.

"Oh really?" He spun around into the portrait hall, but I followed him inside. This wasn't the first time I had been in the Slytherin common room. I tried to avoid this place. The only time I would come in here was for my brother. "I don't believe that."

"You don't have to, but I promise we haven't. I know all about what you and Rose have been doing though."

"And what exactly have we been doing (y/n)?" He questioned flopping onto one of the couches. "I know that you and Rose are not close at all. There's no way she talked to you about us." I opened my mouth to respond, but my watch made a low buzz letting me know that I had a meeting to get to.

"I have to go now, but this conversation isn't over." I hiked up my robes and marched out of the common room.

"Tell James I said keep his hands to himself!" Was the last thing I heard before the entrance of the common room slammed shut. Sure James and I had become rather close over the last couple of years, but our relationship was strictly platonic.

We had kissed once. That was a while ago and after that kiss, we decided that we should just stay friends. Well that's what James decided and I just went along with it. I had developed feelings after that kiss, but I wasn't going to tell James that. After I realized that he didn't feel the same way about me. If I couldn't have James as a boyfriend, then a friend was good enough for me.

"Hey." I grinned when I got to our usual spot. It was in front of one of our father's favorite professors, Professor Severus Snape.

"Where have you been?" He questioned. "I was looking for you in the common room and the library."

"I was down at the Quidditch pitch with my brother. I was just talking to him while he was getting ready for Quidditch tryouts. Are you ready for them?"

"Of course. No need to worry about me (y/n). My father was-"

"The youngest Seeker in a century. I've heard you say that so many times, but that doesn't mean the position is going to be handed to you. You have to work for it just like everyone else."

"Do your fathers know that you have been getting along so well?" We both turned towards the portrait to see Professor Snape looking down at us with this sort of amused looked on his face.

"No." We both answered not meeting his eye.

"Even though our father's didn't like each other doesn't mean we have to be like them." James boldly responded.

"Your father's didn't just dislike each other. They loathed each other. Couldn't stand the sight of each other. But it's nice to see that you two aren't continuing the tradition." We stood there talking to Professor Snape for a little while longer until Fred and Roxanne Weasley came bounding the hallway. Those two were inseparable.

"Uncle Harry is not going to be happy when he finds out about you two." Fred's brown eyes were gleaming with mischief while he looked at his younger cousin.

"That's exactly what I said." Professor Snape sneered.

"Stop." Roxanne giggled, "I think it's rather cute. Forbidden love."

"We're not dating." I instantly said not wanting any of them to get the wrong idea.

"Pity." Roxanne sighed.

"Well on that note, we're playing Truth or Dare so c'mon." Fred said but before anyone could reply he took off down the hall with his sister right behind him. I looked and James and shrugged, what harm could there be in a little game of Truth or Dare?

***

"Dare." James replied. He had done Truth two times before so it was time for something new.

I was sitting on the floor in a large circle in the Room of Requirement playing Truth or Dare with my brother, James, Albus, Lily Luna, Teddy Lupin, and all the Weasleys. I wasn't able to meet the eye of Hugo Weasley who was staring his cousin down. This was not going to be fun.

"I dare you to kiss (y/n)." He simply stated. "Not a quick peck. A real kiss."

"But we're not together." James protested. I felt my heart sink. I would think that he would have been a little happier to kiss me, but I guess not.

"Rules are rules." Fred pointed out. I couldn't believe that out of everyone here, they hadn't picked Rose and Scorpius to kiss. Of course it ended up being the two of us.

"Fine." James grumbled standing up and trudging over towards me. He held out a hand and helped me to my feet. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to. I'll just take the consequences."

"No. It's okay." I sadly whispered. I was a little shorter than James so I had to stand on my tippy toes to reach him. At first it was rather cautious but then James reached up and gripped my hair. This was the first time I had ever kissed anyone like this. I was pouring every single emotion I was feeling at the moment into this kiss. James other arm reached around my waist, pulling me closer to him until I couldn't be any closer.

I really didn't mean to but I let out a little moan which caused James to smile into the kiss. It was unlike any kiss I had experienced before. There was a wolf whistle and then an awkward cough.

When we pulled apart Scorpius, Albus, and Fred were looked absolutely shocked. But Rose, Lily Luna, and Roxanne were beaming.

"But friends don't kiss each other like that." Hugo had said what everything was thinking.

"Well I guess that means we're not friends anymore." James smirked at me.

"I guess not." I giggled reaching up and planting a quick kiss on his lips.

"I cannot wait until father hears about this." Scorpius whispered in shock.

#harry potter #harry potter masterlist #harry potter preferences #harry potter imagine #james sirius potter #James Sirius potter x reader

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leogichidaa · 10 months

Text

Psychoanalysis Sunday: Winter Interlude

Non-magical AU where Regulus is put in therapy with a psychoanalyst

Part 1 | Previous | Next

"I am going to write to mum and tell her that - "

"You can tell her whatever you like," Sirius snaps. "She isn't going to change my mind and neither are you. I'm staying here for the holidays. I've got something really important I'm working on."

Regulus makes a face. There is no chance that Sirius plans on staying at Hogwarts to work on his studies. He is almost certainly going to engage in some sort of unsavory extracurricular activities with his friends.

"Yes, I am sure whatever it is is of the utmost importance," he says sourly.

Sirius fixes him with a hard look. "It is."

Sirius' expression is surprisingly austere. Regulus' lip curls. "You just want to stay here with your weird, sick friend. I do not understand why he cannot be weird and sick in his own home - or do his parents not want him? I suppose they must not."

"He is not weird, you little arsehole," Sirius growls.

So he is sick, then, Regulus thinks, tucking that confirmation away in the back of his mind. Not that it wasn't already fairly clear that the Lupin weirdo was suffering from something unfortunate, but it was good to know for sure.

"And his parents do want him home because they actually properly love him."

Regulus jumps on the bait immediately. "What is that supposed to mean?" he asks sharply. "Mum and dad do want you home, that is the whole point of this conversation! You are the one insisting on staying here!"

"They don't want me home. They want a - a - " Sirius waves his hands vaguely. "A perfect little doll that they can dress up and show off to all their snobby little friends so everyone can pretend that they're great parents. Like you. They want me to come home and act like you and honestly, I would rather jump off the Astronomy Tower than ever act like you."

Regulus flinches. "Shut up," he mutters, his eyes starting to sting. Sirius can tell his words managed to hit home and he looks savagely pleased. "That is not even true."

"Bullshit," Sirius says. "They say it all the time." He pitches his voice high and nasally in a mocking tone that sounds absolutely nothing like their mother at all, and says, "Why can you not be more like your brother, Sirius? Why don't you behave like perfect Regulus?"

Regulus balls up his fists and clenches his jaw, trying to focus on his anger to keep himself from the humiliating ordeal of crying in front of Sirius.

"Don't get it wrong," Sirius continues. "It isn't because they love you so. It isn't because they think you're wonderful. It's because you're a bloody empty vessel that they can fill with all their stupid ideas because you haven't a single thought of your own."

"Shut up!" Regulus repeats, louder and more determined this time.

Sirius looks at his balled up fists and smirks. "Why, what are you going to do about it? You going to hit me? No, you won't do that. You'll just write pathetic little notes about how much you wish you were brave enough to kill me so they send you to the head shrinker again and you can have all that lovely attention."

"I hate you. I hope you do jump off the Astronomy Tower."

Sirius shakes his head smugly. "Just as I thought. Go and write that to mum, why don't you?" he says, before turning on his heel and walking off.

Regulus watches him go around the corner before letting out a frustrated yell and slamming his fist against the wall, which turns out to be alarmingly solid and distressingly painful.

"I hate you," he mutters again, tears starting to flow down his cheeks now that he is alone. "I hate you so much."

He means it. He really does. He can feel the hot intensity of the hatred coursing through him.

So he can't quite work out why he still wants Sirius to stop being a prat and just come home.

#psychoanalysis sunday #regulus black #sirius black #house of black

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dean-winchester-is-a-warrior · 2 years

Text

Father Figure

This photo op does not belong to me, and was sourced from here

Summary: Y/N looks up to Jensen a lot, so when he yells at her out of nowhere one day on set, she's heartbroken.

Warnings/Explicit 18+: TW for very brief mention of emotional parental abuse.

Pairings: No romantic pairing. Jensen Ackles x teen!reader

Word Count: 2,257

A/N: I got the following request from @kayyay1219:

So I was thinking about another Jensen x teen!reader where Jensen has a really bad day on set and takes it out on the reader and makes her cry. So she goes to Jared for comfort and Jared yells at Jensen and makes him realize what he did. So Jensen goes to her house and try’s to make it right by apologizing and a movie night and cuddling. Just a whole lot of angst and fluff. Reader age:14-15 Thank you!❤️

Thank you so much for this request! Sorry it took me a while, hope it's what you were looking for! 💓

A/N 2: In this story, Jensen mentions being separated from his wife and some custody troubles. I want to take this chance to reiterate, as I always do, that this story is about a Jensen from a different part of the multiverse and in NO WAY reflects anything to do with his real life, and beautiful family. This is a complete and utter work of fiction. 😊

The beautiful divider at the bottom was created by @firefly-graphics

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"Jesus! What's the matter with you, Dude?" Jared's massive frame barely fit through Jensen's trailer door as he barged through it.

Jensen already knew why Jared was pissed, and he didn't want to talk about it. "Not now, man." He said quietly. "I'm not in the mood."

"Well, too fucking bad." Jared huffed. "You know, Y/N was so upset she had to go home. That kid has worked through the flu, and the chicken pox. She never misses work, they have to practically drag her from set when she's done for the day, but today she just didn't have it in her to go on."

Jensen rolled his eyes, trying to tamp down the guilt that was threatening to overwhelm him. "Look, I know that you've known Y/N way longer than I have, since she was just a little kid, but she's a teenager now, and fifteen year old girls are notoriously overdramatic."

Jared nodded, pushing his tongue into his cheek, trying to speak calmly. "M'kay, well, she was crying her eyes out when she came to my trailer. Said you screamed at her."

Jensen clenched his jaw. "I didn't scream. I may have raised my voice a little. She wasn't being safe with the prop knife."

Jared frowned. "The rubber knife?"

"Yeah, she was tossing it end over end, and catching it. She was gonna hurt herself, or someone else."

Jared scoffed. "Are you kidding me? We fuck around with those things all the time."

Jensen scowled. "We've been at this a lot longer than her. And we're better coordinated."

Jared snorted with disbelief. "We're really not." He shook his head. "So, did you ask her to stop?”

Jensen shrugged. “Yes, I asked her, and she just got all moody about it."

Jared crossed his arms. "Did you ask her calmly, or did you yell at her over something trivial and hurt her feelings? Cause I gotta say, it's not like Y/N to get pouty over something small.”

When Jensen didn’t answer, Jared shook his head in frustration. “You know she looks up to you like a dad. And the last fucking thing she needs is another asshole dad that treats her like shit."

"What are you talking about?” Jensen asked with a scowl. “I didn't think her dad was in the picture." The guilt was roaring through him now, eating away at his gut.

Jared threw his hands up. "Well not anymore he isn't. Cause when she was a little kid, he was her manager too, and he was shitty at both jobs. He overworked her all the time, forced into roles and scenes she wasn't comfortable with, and CONSTANTLY yelled at her about everything."

Jared started ticking things off on his fingers. "Yelled at her for not trying hard enough, constantly told her her acting was shitty and they were gonna fire her. He put so much shit on her shoulders, yelled at her that they weren't going to be able to afford to send her little brother and sister to college cause she got rejected for a role. He was an extreme bastard. Which is why he isn't in her life now. She got herself emancipated from him earlier this year. She’s living with an elderly aunt now."

Jensen felt a sickening mixture of rage at Y/N's father and aching guilt at himself, and it made him drop his head into his hands. “I didn’t know any of that. Fuck.” He said quietly.

Jared sat down on the couch, beside his best friend, calmer now and looking for an explanation.

"What happened man? It's not like you to lose your shit, especially not at work, and especially, especially not with a kid."

Jensen ran his hand over his face and spoke quietly, barely above a whisper. "She's taking the kids." He said, looking up at Jared, devastation evident in his gaze. "She swore…when she left, she swore we'd split everything with the kids fifty-fifty. Equal time. But now she wants them full time, says she'll let me take them every second weekend. Told me her lawyer was drawing up the papers."

Jared felt tears well up at the heartbreak in Jensen's voice. He knew how much his brother loved his babies. It was absolutely awful to imagine him being without them.

"I'm so sorry, man. She won't get full custody though, right? I mean, you're an amazing dad. That wouldn't be fair."

Jensen just shrugged. "I don't know. She says I'm gone too much, working, that I wouldn't be able to care for them properly." He scrubbed his fingers through the scruff that covered his cheeks. "I don't know, maybe she's right."

"Bullshit!" Jared spit out. "You've been sharing them with her, equal time, since she buggered off six months ago to live with that asshat. And you've managed to care for them, give them security and happiness all this time, right? So, what’s changed? Other than the fact that her lawyer wants to go for more child support."

Jared slapped Jensen's chest with a massive hand. "You're gonna win, buddy, I swear. The Universe would never be that cruel to such a deserving father."

Jensen just grunted non-committally, wondering if he was as deserving as Jared was claiming, especially considering the way he's acted with Y/N today.

Jensen slapped Jared on the back in gratitude. "Thanks man, I appreciate that. But right now, I've got a devastated kid that I need to go cheer up and apologize to."

Jared nodded. “Good idea, brother."

***

“I’ve got it, Auntie June!” Y/N called out as she ran to answer the doorbell.

“Okay!” June called back, continuing with her game of bridge in the den. Y/N heard the four women burst into laughter together, and the sound made her smile. At least someone was having a good day.

She pulled open the door and lost her smile. Jensen stood on the other side, hands behind his back. He held a bag that she could see swinging back and forth from his clasped hands.

“Hey kiddo.” He said with a soft smile.

Y/N tried not to show her hurt, giving the ghost of a smile back. She needed to work with him, after all, and she probably needed to keep their relationship more professional than she had been.

She’d warmed to Jensen quickly when she’d started on the show earlier that year. He was warm and kind, caring and supportive; in short, he was everything her own father had never been and she’d found herself envious of his three beautiful children. How lucky they were to have a father like him. She’d started to see him as her own father figure, going to him for advice and leaning on him as a mentor.

But she’d been foolish to let herself see him that way. He wasn’t her father, he already had kids of his own, and he didn’t need some clingy ragamuffin kid hanging around him all the time. No wonder he was getting sick of her, and no wonder he yelled at her so abruptly and angrily this morning.

She had to let go of the dream.

Now, she tried to widen her smile so she could keep their working relationship on good terms. “Hey, what’s up?”

Jensen looked at the ground before looking back at her. “I wanted to come tell you…I owe you an apology. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

Y/N shook her head. “Don’t worry about it.” She tried to shrug it off, worried she’d start crying again if she thought about it too much. She’d never seen him act that way with anyone on set, he was always so calm, quiet even, sometimes. He had to really be annoyed with her to react that way.

“I shouldn’t have been messing around with the knife. You were right.”

Jensen shook his head. “No, I really, really wasn’t. There was no excuse for the way I acted. Sure, I was a little worried - even though they’re prop knives they’ve got some weight to them and could do some damage. But I should have said just that to you. I never should have yelled at you like that. Aside from it being completely unprofessional, it was a dickish thing to do to a kid as fantastic as you. I’m really sorry.”

Y/N shrugged again, looking down and kicking at the door jamb with the toe of her sneaker. “It’s fine, really.”

Jensen took hold of her hand. “Jared…I hope it’s okay, Jared told me a bit about your past with your father, and how rough and abrasive he was with you. I never meant to bring any of that up for you.”

As she’d feared it would, talking about it brought thick, hot tears to her eyes and Y/N kept her head lowered, hoping Jensen wouldn’t notice them. But he did notice and he clicked his tongue at them.

“Tsk, Y/N, sweetheart, come here. I’m so sorry.” He pulled her into his embrace and held her tightly in the circle of his arms while she cried all the tears she’d been trying to hold in. Tears that said how hurt she’d been, how embarrassed by Jensen’s roughness, how much it had scared her to hear another man she’d come to love and look up to, yelling at her, seemingly over nothing.

But as Jensen held her and rocked her gently side to side, his apology ringing in her ears, she realized just how different he was from her real father. With him, it had always been her apologizing; he would never admit when he was wrong, because in his mind, he never was. The fault was always to be laid at her feet. The fact that Jensen was taking the simple but entirely different position of admitting he’d been in the wrong, and trying to make amends for it, proved to her that she hadn’t been mistaken about him.

She pulled back from him and wiped her eyes. “Sorry about that. I really appreciate you apologizing, seriously. It makes all the difference. And really, it’s okay. Mostly, it just shocked me because it was so unlike you.”

With her own hurt behind her, something occurred to her – maybe his outburst hadn’t been about her after all. She knew he was dealing with a separation from his wife and becoming a newly single father, maybe something was wrong there.

She frowned at him. “It was really, really unlike you. Is there anything you wanna talk about?”

Jensen smiled kindly, if a little sadly, and squeezed her wrist. “That’s really sweet of you, kiddo. But it’s just family stuff I’m dealing with, rough couple days that’s all.”

Before Y/N could ask for specifics, he brightened his smile and continued in a much happier tone. “But I thought of something super fun we could do tonight, provided that you were very nice and forgave me!”

He pulled the bag from behind his back, and Y/N could see it was stuffed with snacks. “Movie night!” He shouted excitedly.

“You said a while ago that there were a bunch of 80s movies you’d never seen that you really wanted to. So, I brought a ton of snacks and I thought we could order in pizza, hunker down with two or three classic 80s movies and I could impart all of my 80s kid wisdom to you!”

Y/N giggled, thrilled beyond belief at the sound of that plan. “Sure, we’ve got the living room all to ourselves because my Auntie June has her friends over this evening playing bridge in the den. So, if you don’t mind the occasional sounds of raucous and occasionally arguing sixty year olds, come on in!” Y/N said, stepping back from the doorway.

Jensen laughed. “That sounds perfect.”

***

Two and a half hours later, Y/N was once again weeping uncontrollably on Jensen’s shoulder. But this time it was the fault of an adorably ugly little alien leaving Elliot behind and going home. Jensen kissed the top of her head and chuckled, slightly exasperated as he turned off ET.

“Wow, these movies were supposed to be fun, not make you cry your eyes out.”

Y/N laughed shakily, her nose stuffy. “I’m sorry, I didn’t expect the creepy little guy with his creepy long neck, and creepy long fingers to grow on me so much!” She said, and took advantage of her position to give Jensen a giant hug.

“And this is so much fun. I’m having a blast.” She was suddenly a little shy, but she wanted to tell him something important so she spoke quickly before she chickened out.

“I want you to know how much I appreciate you taking me under your wing the way you have, and being so kind and supportive, being like…well, being like the kind of dad I never had. It means so much to me to know that some men really are great people and good fathers really do exist.”

Jensen was blushing a little when she looked at him, and his eyes looked a little watery, surprising Y/N. He smiled at her and chucked her chin.

“Thanks kid, I needed to hear that very much today. So thanks.” Y/N hugged him again, grateful when his arms wrapped her up tight, not holding back an ounce of affection.

Finally they pulled apart and Jensen cleared his throat before throwing her a blinding smile. “Okay, we gotta get these warm fuzzy feelings under control, meaning that we absolutely have to watch Die Hard next.”

Y/N giggled. “Definitely.”

1 - Jensen RPF + Any/All characters Jensen plays. @lyarr24 @siospins2 @impalaslytherin @maggiegirl17 @akshi8278 @candy-coated-misery0731 @nt-multi-fandom @deanswaywardgirl @slytherinlyn314 @globetrotter28 @jensensgirl @perpetualabsurdity @tristanrosspada-ackles @djs8891 @muhahaha303 @kayyay1219 @emily-winchester

3 - Any/All Fics (regardless of fandom/character.) @sunshineandwings86 @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7

4 - Everything (includes fan vid/DOOL edits as well) @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @awkward-and-indecisive @maliburenee @supernatural4life2022 @spn730015 @b3autyfuldisast3r @kickingitwithkirk @waywardbaby @foxyjwls007 @deanwanddamons @deandreamernp @deanwithscissors @myloversgone @snowlovespie @leigh70 @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @fangirlxwritesx67 @charred-angelwings @hopefuldreamers-world @mysherlock221b @jensensgotyoudean @stixnstripesworld @thoughts-and-funnies @magssteenkamp @norman1967 @princessmisery666 @eevvvaa @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @deepsketchsupernaturalcowboy @b-i-t-c-h-i-e @twirpbunwarrior @mysweetlittledesire @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @bernasaurus @jensenslady79 @courtn92 @avanatural @ellie-andthemachine

#jensen ackles rpf #jensen x teen!reader #tw: emotional abuse

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tea-time-with-london · 1 year

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I agree with the Hopper s3 anon. He was absolutely toxic and what they did to his character was out of pocket.

One thing it was shown that he was on meds in s1, which likely contributed to having his anger issues under control, and he might have gone off the meds between s2 and s3.

But still Hopper isn't the best suited father figure for the Byers or El. Their fight in s2 was so hard to watch, I get him frustrated, but El is a traumatised girl who missed her friends. She only knows violence since she was born essentially, and Hopper can't handle a child like this.

He couldn't even talk normally to Mike in s3, which, yeah, Mike was an ass but he's still a child.

Does the fandom really think Hopper would be supportive of Will coming out? Nope, he was already homophobic to him in s1. He doesn't know how to talk to kids or show empathy for their struggles.

Bob was the only person I could have seen been right for the Byers. He cared about Joyce and the kids. Even though Jonathan didn't like him, Bob was never mean to him. He gave him space. Bob was patient and kind. Hopper is the opposite. He's a lot like Lonnie in terms of having a bad temper. He will trigger Joyce and the boys. Like I love him as an action hero, but he is terrible for the Byers family. And now, with more added trauma, he won't process that well idk. He would need therapy, but it's the 80s, and men show no feelings. Men don't cry kinda bullshit.

I love Jopper in theory (childhood friends to lovers), but they made Hopper into Lonnie 2.0, so I can't ship him with Joyce. She deserves someone like Bob, a gentle soul who keeps her calm and doesn't yell at her for minor things.

Confession #119

Hm. So like I partially get where you're coming from but allow me to touch on a few things, if I may. First, let me just say I also loved Bob. He was a sweet, gentle soul who truly did care for Joyce and the boys. (I wish I could describe my dad's reaction to Bob's death. My dad was mortified. He loved Bob.)

As for Hopper...I don't remember anywhere in season 1 where Hopper was homophobic to Will. I haven't watched season 1 in a bit so I could be misremembering, but I can't even name a scene in my head where he was homophobic.

But a genuine question for you is do you not believe he can change? At all? What would be the point of Hopper going through all 5 seasons and remaining exactly the same?

Hopper is re-learning how to be a parent, this is something I think we all have to remember. His only child died at just like five or six years old. As a parent, he was probably feeling so unbelievably helpless because he couldn't protect or save his little girl. This helplessness transformed into the overprotectiveness we saw in season 2. While he may have been overbearing, it wasn't out of malice. He was trying to do everything he could to keep El safe from the people that wanted to hurt her. And sure, he absolutely could have gone about it a different way, I won't argue against that at all because there were times he could have exercised grace and patience and figured out a solution where they were both happy.

As for season 3, I also wasn't the biggest fan of how Hopper acted toward Mike, but also he's watching his daughter grow up and branch out with friends and her boyfriend and there comes that protectiveness again that a lot of parents have toward their kiddos. Again, obviously I don't approve of the way Mike was treated. I think Hopper could have eased up on him while also implementing boundaries as a parent.

And remember...Hopper only got to spend 5 years with his daughter Sarah. El is like a preteen/teen in seasons 2-3. This is a whole different experience for Hopper. He's never parented a teenager before, much less a teen daughter who is superhuman as a single father. Parenthood is trial and error.

And then we obviously have to factor trauma into the conversation as an explanation for a lot of his behavior, but of course that's never an excuse for behavior. But Hopper loves El, and Hopper loves Joyce (and though I feel like we don't really see Hopper and the Byers brothers in scenes together, I'm sure he loves them too) then I think that's some motivation to work on his own healing so he doesn't project onto other people. My point in saying all this is that characters grow and change. And I think Hopper has honestly showed a lot of feelings. Just think of the conversations he had with Enzo in Russia. He showed genuine, raw emotion talking about Sarah and El and all the shit he's been through. That's process. That's development.

At the end of the day, you feel the way you feel about it all and that's perfectly fine. Just wanted to open up the discussion a bit :)

#confession 119 #anti jim hopper #stranger things confessions #london's confession hour #stranger things #stranger things fandom #stranger things confession #stranger things netflix #stranger things characters #stranger things discourse

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the-bloody-sadist · 2 years

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Repressed anon from before! I was wondering, what specifically do you mean by the horror of love? The inherent vulnerability of it, the fact that someone has to die first, something else?

Dissecting complicated emotions and concepts is a passion of mine too, but I can’t do it through art very well yet so I have to do it with words haha

My family was pretty much polar opposite, but with a similar effect somehow. Instead of sterile, my family was nothing but dysfunction and mental illness incarnate. The only person to provide any semblance of normalcy was my super religious grandma lol.

Your art is like. Super aesthetically pleasing exposure therapy for me right now. Trying to get over my squeamishness one beautifully horrifying picture and fic at a time.

Also, as for the terror and regret that comes with opening up about yourself and your experiences— vulnerability is pure courage. Your art is deeply personal and anything that you choose to share about the creation and meaning of it is an honor to learn. Which sounds sappy as hell but it’s fuckin true!! It’s so easy to tear other people down, but it’s so hard to put yourself out there. Also, salient fact here: it’s your blog. If someone doesn’t like what you say on your own personal platform, then they can leave. This is your slice of the void to yell into. Let the zestyness flow through you 😈

And since we’re identifying ourselves using emojis,

- 🦡 anon

Yay, hello again, sweet! I'm loving the names for anons, really helps me keep conversations straight and organized! Welcome to the family, badger anon 🦡 !

And now, oh shit, you've asked me to explain the horror of love comment. It encompasses my life experiences, so it's very personal to me, and the reason why all my romance stories will probably be thrillers and psychological horror. So see I was like...trying to put the horror genre with the love category, and that's when I started using that phrase to describe my work.

Let me mention some factors of my childhood that give light to this phrase, since you shared about your family, too (and thank you for sharing!).

I grew up with a narcissist and an enabler for parents, parading around as the perfect couple. First horror of love: if you're in someone's care, you're also at their mercy.

Hopefully you see my trajectory with this beginning lol.

The love you grow up with is the one you learn to accept as the definition of love. You seek it out unconsciously for the rest of your miserable life. This isn't the case for everyone, of course, as some can break free of it, but it's been my own curse, thus far. I've only broken free for now because I'm staying away from anything deeper than casual dates.

I've talked about it in other asks before, but to me, love is terrifying. Not because of the vulnerability that comes with it or the chance that a partner might die before you, but because the only experiences I've had with that came from those whose true colors were mortifying. And all because parental love became my example. Love meant being ignored, being lonely, playing pretend. Love meant never having boundaries but respecting others' at all costs. Love meant doing everything in my power to please, or impress, or elicit positive emotions, only to learn that, in the end, nothing would ever be enough. No matter what I did or how I acted, there was always something to be fixed, and if my parents' stellar reputation wasn't polished to its finest, I was a sinner, somehow, and something had to be done.

So I basically grew up with zero personality, mirroring everyone else, to be frank. I had access to two whole emotions: fear and happiness. If me or any of my siblings felt anything else, it was "snap out of it" from the parents, no matter the circumstance. Pet dog died? That's okay, try to move on. Cry for one day and you're probably fine. God forbid you speculate that it's because your father abused it, even if it died because it got left too long on a yard chain. A chain it strangled itself in because it was wildly unsafe. Mother miscarried a child? Let's give the baby a funny name and make jokes about it hanging out in heaven on the same day we announce its death to the family.

And me, when I returned from the worst trauma of my life? Well, eventually I became part of the jokes, too, after telling them what I went through. My siblings even repeated a line my abuser said to me as the punchline, sometimes.

All this is to explain that I grew up numb. I was an artist, expressing myself was the biggest personality trait I had. But that passion was stepped on and boxed away, because I had to dress the way they said, draw the things they approved of. "Be yourself" was literally a phrase that they made fun of and said was bad, so I had no self that I knew of. I was them, or whoever I was supposed to become to make them stop hurting me. I was not capable of playing the same game that they did, however, in terms of religion and being affected by nothing. Eventually I imagined I'd lost the ability to feel at all, because I hid anything that did come out, and behind the scenes was in shock. Nothing affected me outwardly except the power of fear. I was never happy, but my family chronically and toxically was, so I had to mirror it to survive in that environment. Otherwise I became the joke, I was seen as moping, or I was told I was uncooperative.

This environment created a sort of trauma-bonded codependency on my siblings. We didn't realize it at the time, but we were cowering under a tyrant and his wife whom everyone told us were the greatest parents in the world. If they made us feel awful about ourselves or isolated us from interactions outside of their watchful eyes, it was just because that's how families worked, and the families who didn't were wrong. Sinful, even.

No public school, no sleepovers, no TV, no 'secular' media. No sex ed, no outside opinions, no movies with language, no looking at other peoples' phones. No books that weren't garbage christian authors who didn't know a thing about writing.

Everything was barbed wire, everything was rules.

So you can imagine how such a view of loving parents was only horror, and how that transferred right over into my first romantic partner. I ran away with that partner to escape that house, and lived in another house that was exactly the same, except without the play pretend, the bumper rails, or the emotional capacity needed to survive.

I won't go into that part, because a stupid story I wrote covers that bit just fine, lol. Sinner, my silly little fanfic about FyoZai. Sorry for the ad break, but that story is my life. If you'd like to learn about my feelings and certain complexities of how I see love, that's where it is in a better form than I could ever explain it, here.

I don't think you should've encouraged me to let the zestyness flow through. I unleashed the trauma dump, and I'm still holding back so much detail. 😂 I shouldn't be such an open book but hey, who reads Tumblr asks anyway except the asker? Maybe like ten out of the thousands that follow me. Although the rest just read Sinner, which is my professional trauma dump LMAO.

Anyway after all that, I had my villain arc and now I'm the one in charge. Mwahahah. I tried lots of stuff after that first relationship, made things worse, discovered new things, realized that I was a sadist, and that being a sadist didn't mean I had some demonic force to get rid of like my mother had thought when I told her as a kid.

A lot of people have "loved" me along the way. The way I felt about that love ranged from disgusted to afraid. For now, asexuality is the place where I'm safe, so that's where I stay, and I blue-ball anyone who asks for anything else. 😇 BDSM is a nice outlet for that bit, though, so I've had my fun with those who wanted me to do pain play on them, without the sexual aspect involved. I think it would be nice to have a dedicated partner someday who was an asexual masochist or something. LMAO.

IN CONCLUSION! Thanks for your beautiful descriptions of my artwork, and for praising my vulnerability on main! I hope I explained the little deal with the horror of love. I hope through my art and my fiction (if you get into that side of my work) will help you dissect all the things you feel, too.

Much love, my sweet! And sorry to anyone whose dashboard got bombarded with my little tragic drama tale.

(P.s. the TLDR for anyone who knows Sinner is that once upon a time I used to be Dazai and now I'm Fyodor [but the reformed Fyodor, without all the evil villain kidnapper rapist stuff LMAO])

#badger anon 🦡#trauma dump #sadist's answered asks #sadist's sweet askers #sinner reference #lol #I gotta do it every other post at this point #sinner lives inside of me

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qumiiiquinnquin · 1 year

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it just dawned on me.

that throughout my entire life , ive been abused. its taken its toll on my mental health during my childhood , but not once did i ever think about just. ending it , or ever doing anything to myself.

this probably immediately sounds ridiculous. most kids in an abusive family do try to escape , resort to sh or...disappearing. why didn't i then? was i really abused?

but i never considered any of it , not until i was probably 15 or 16.

the first time i wanted to end it was when i was 11. it wasn't due to family , it was due to thinking a very close friend of mine no longer cared about me. yea , it was over a friendship. she claimed she did still care , and it was on me not participating in conversations. its kind of hard to jump into a conversation though where you're immediately excluded or never acknowledged though... but i claim responsibility and was wrong to feel the way i did and accuse her ((middle school drama)).

but aside from the first time that i learned i shouldnt be allowed to have friends , i otherwise never considered disappearing. the situations with my family my whole life felt normal to me. being yelled at and spanked by my dad up until i was 11 but yelled at again and him being a bit physical with me when i became chronically depressed and severely anxious when i was 16 and 17 , being a bit neglected by my mom and put into multiple situations that could have k!lled me or gotten the cops called on her , being yelled at by my stepdad and never allowed to criticize my mom and always treated like he knows everything and i don't know anything , being manipulated and emotionally abused by my nana and “aunt”...

both my parents did things that easily could've gotten the cops called on them for abuse , since i was a baby. of course , no one found out. and everyone in my family claims to feel sorry and guilty for everything they've done to my sibling and i , except my “aunt” and nana , the latter saying to me before that she's never done anything wrong to my sibling and i. and really , i dont have the guts to call anyone on my family because i know both of my parents and stepdad care about my sibling and i a lot , despite the rough childhood.

besides my parents and stepdad , my “aunt” and nana were the other main sources for my declining mental health , and its because of them that im shocked im still here. as i said , both were very emotionally abusive and manipulative. they were judgmental and strict about our appearances , what we ate , how much we ate , our weights , and our attitudes. especially my “aunt” , who would not even accept a poker face. if you were not smiling , you were automatically accused or questioned of not enjoying yourself , and guilt-tripped for making her and my uncle spend so much money to ensure my sibling and i had a good time.

she wanted things her way , and every time we “misbehaved” it resulted in over the top punishments. we would have to eat lunch that day downstairs the room we stayed in , we couldn't really talk and multiple times we had to write apology letters and read them aloud to her. one time when we did this , after we read her our letters , she brought up how she never met her dad and was raised in poverty , and along with other hardships , she would make herself cry and my sibling and i were forced to console her. another time when we were punished , she took away all of our electronics , and when they were reluctantly given back to us , my sibling and i saw the message on our lock screens that too many attempts had been made and another attempt could be made in a half hour. in other words , she had tried to get into our phones , likely to see if we were communicating with our mom and stepdad or our dad about our “aunt.” one of the days when we got in trouble , my sibling and i had enough and were downstairs , cursing about her. she had clearly been standing right there listening , because she flung open the door right after one of our comments and threatened to fly us back home and make sure our dad grounds us. i told her why she cant just give us back to our mom and stepdad , and she claimed she couldn't do that , and its either we fix our behavior or we go home - this is something she is not allowed to do. for flights to and from my mom's and my dad's , only my mom and dad can coordinate that. to anyone that needs to know the times and dates so they can make sure we’re packed and ready , they will be notified. otherwise , nobody else but my mom and dad are allowed to arrange flights for my sibling and i traveling to and from home.

but she had eavesdropped on us before , doing it an earlier visit after we went to bed and the door was closed. we were whisper complaining , but at one point my sibling stopped me and somebody walked away from the door. she would grab us by the arm or wrist a lot and sternly speak to us a couple inches from our faces , since we were 4 and 5 or 5 and 6. she told me once how we were embarrassing her. she often compared us to other children , saying the kids she would occasionally watch who were older than us acted better than us , and so did our baby cousins. one time when we were punished , she gave us a lecture on our behavior , saying when we get a job with our attitude , we will be fired and end up homeless with nobody to help us because of our behavior and disrespect. she targeted my sibling , one summer making my sibling feel bad for ruining my birthday and returned the gift , blaming my sibling for it. she made my sibling apologize to me and i had to console my sibling that night , who was crying uncontrollably and blaming themselves for everything. the next morning my "aunt" had placed a letter under my pillow , containing $20 inside and apologizing for my sibling's behavior - i tossed the letter and shared the money with my sibling. another time , my sibling got in trouble for something , and had to stay downstairs away from everyone. when they came up for dinner , they played with it , and my "aunt" said that if my sibling wasn't going to eat and just play with their food , then they could go back down to bed. my sibling left and went downstairs and i immediately excused myself too , so i could go be with my sibling. i comforted them and hugged them as they cried. one of the visits when we had to leave to go see our “aunt” , my sibling cried and screamed and my stepdad had to carry them out because there was nothing else that could be done - we had to go see them. only late last year did i realize that she was trying to live through my sibling and i , and i broke down crying.

my nana was my sibling’s and i’s favorite relative growing up until we were 12 and 13. growing up , she was nice , but was strict and oftentimes made rude comments about us , our home , or our parents ((including stepparent)). we just accepted these comments since there wasn't too much else that she was doing other than randomly being rude and self-centered. we didnt know the kind of person our nana was though until we were 12 and 13 , where we found out she was very manipulative and controlling. we wanted to spend a week , just one full week , with our mom , who is the person that i am doing these visits for , as she is the primary person we are here to see. my nana wasn't allowing it and expressed her lack of faith in my mom’s ability to parent and refused to listen to listen to my stepdad’s plea because he cussed at her out of frustration. my sibling and i cried and i had never yelled so loudly at anyone. i was just wanting to spend a week with my mom , but my nana refused to listen and said nobody had any control over the situation and my sibling and i have to deal with it. eventually she talked to my mom in private , and then came back crying and begging for forgiveness and allowed us to stay the rest of the summer break ((3 weeks)) with our mom , not forcing us to see anyone else. my mom told me though that from that incident , my nana believed that im autistic and my sibling is bipolar ((...because we were fighting back , yelling , and crying , demanding she let us spend time with our mom...)).

only after that did it get worse. she now had shown the manipulative and controlling aide of herself , so now every visit was more tense and she wasn't afraid to keep showing that side. she gaslit us , telling me back in 2020 that she had never done anything wrong to my sibling and i , right after an extremely minor situation got out of control because of her and she made it about herself , sending out an email blaming our mom , stepdad , aunt , uncle , and dad for raising us the way they did and letting us behave the way we do , and claiming my sibling and i were acting like visiting her was like getting bamboo shoved up our fingernails. our nana targeted my sibling as well throughout childhood , rarely trusting them and refusing to trust me when id try to stand up for them because ‘im just being their sibling and defending them.’ i was also only realizing shit she was doing our entire lives , such as making us visit everyone without complaints and keeping us away from our mom. although my mom wasn't well for a while , my nana kept us from her a lot because she had no faith in my mom’s ability to parent , and openly shamed her for her weight and body , once saying “do you want to end up looking like your mother?” to my sibling and i when we were younger and had wanted a snack an hour after not being able to finish our breakfast that morning. she had also tried forcing gender stereotypes on us and tried to make us grow up to be attractive women , wear girls clothing only , do housework while our grandpa doc worked , and be submissive to others. in 2017 or 18 when she learned of my hatred towards our "aunt" , she told me i need to stop holding unnecessary grudges and just get over it , because it does nothing but ruin relationships and it's not fair or respectful to people.

both my “aunt” and nana openly blamed our dad and family back home for our behaviors. my nana didnt like my dad in general because my mom’s claim that he had hit her while they were still married , and my nana had told me when i was 8 that my dad was the cause of the divorce and had expressed surprise about him being able to raise two children while single and in the military. my “aunt” just...hated everyone. she was rude to everyone , but always demanded respect in return. she would never talk to others but just watch them closely , but when anyone talked to her , she'd say very short responses in a harsh tone.

my sibling and i couldn't do anything. there was nobody for us to turn to. we knew that nobody would listen to us because we're "just being little kids" , and spring break of 2014 or 15 just cemented those worries. my nana claimed that she'd do something when we expressed to her the things our "aunt" had done up until that point , but she never did until my "aunt" and uncle got divorced in 2018 , kicking our "aunt" out of the family. our nana communicated with our dad about us flying to and from home to see our mom , and if we had opened up at all about our nana , if would've caused enormous problems and we likely wouldn't have been able to fly out to see our mom anymore. there was no escape from this family. our mom and stepdad knew about our "aunt" and nana , but couldn't do anything and told us to just go with the flow - which never worked , but nothing else could be done. my dad just excused our nana's behavior as part of her upbringing and being from a wealthy family , and we just have to be understanding of her - also didn't work because respect needs to be mutual not one-sided , otherwise you then have a controlling relationship. he did not seem to be aware of what she and our "aunt" were doing , as i had expressed one of the incidents of our "aunt" to my dad's former girlfriend's daughter in 2018 or 19 , and he overheard me , repeatedly saying "what the hell."

since there was nobody for us to talk to or anyone that would believe us , my sibling and i kept it to ourselves. all we could do was vent to each other , cry , complain about having to visit/stay with someone , and , something i very much recall: when i was 11 and my sibling was 10 , we both took out my old tablet and opened up a notes app , listing things we believe we were , putting down things like burdens , children , wastes of time , brats , ugly , and worthless. we saw little to no value in ourselves , and i only recently realized just the kind of impact our "aunt" and nana had on our mental healths at such young ages.

but now , everything has calmed down. i dont know why , but since 2021 it feels like everything that was wrong in my family completely stopped. my nana has chilled out a lot since the passing of her husband , though she still makes unwanted and rude comments time to time. i haven't seen or heard from our "aunt" since 2018 either. earlier that year , our mom told us that our "aunt" wanted us to keep her company after the divorce ((there's a certain term for it but i don't recall it)) , but we declined immediately because we knew she'd just use us for comfort and make us consolidate her at all times. im very glad i haven't seen her again , she had been abusive to our uncle too , whom i was very surprised to see was much nicer after he divorce. we were used to him being emotionally abusive towards us too , but after the divorce and he was much more friendly , i realized it was the influence she had on him that had made him be so hurtful in the past. im still frustrated at my nana for not taking into account the impact she had on my sibling and i and only caring about our uncle , especially because we had said something 4-5 years prior.

but despite all that...i for some reason never considered shing or disappearing or escaping. there was nothing else i could do , why did i never consider it? i only have since 2020 when my mental health started declining , but it was originally due to just general sewercidal thoughts and hating being depressed. but in the last couple of years , ive been having bad memories of how our nana and "aunt" used to treat us , and it partially became a reason why i wanted to commit. when i attempted back in 2021 , the reasons then were because of them , and being tired of being depressed , and thinking ill make everyone's lives better.

i just don't understand. when i had my first ideation at 11 , it wasn't due to family , but it was in the middle of the fucking 10+ years of abuse we faced. only at 15 and 16 did it bother me , and im finding it hard at 18 to be able to just. get past it.

i just don't understand. why did it never cross my mind? my thoughts at 11 should've been about family.

and i wish i had acted on them to get out of this hell.

#vent #tw sui mention #tw child trauma #tw abuse #long post

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