#and then I got distracted by real life stuff for a few months

[doedipus]

a large amount of time I've been spending on -untitled undefined scope original fiction project- since the last time I posted about it has been trying to develop the protagonist concept I came up with last summer or whatever into like, a character that would feel real and era appropriate.

it's fun research to do. naturally a lot of the details I assigned to her are things that I already think are cool, so it's been a lot of fun trying to trace her traits back through the relatively recent past, getting reminded of how much things have changed, or where the gaps in my intuition are, and then doing a flurry of reading to get a sense for exactly how someone like her and the people around her could have happened and what her life was probably like leading up to her present day. hopefully this results in some good good verisimilitude.

[sp0o0kylights]

Whole thing on A03

It didn't matter how much Steve explained. Not one member of the Party was going to get it. 

Tommy and Carol would, but then, they were no longer on speaking terms. A fact that hurt even if it was for the best--particularly in times like these, because they got it. 

They understood how he had been ensnared with the very same wealth people mocked him for. What it meant when his parents demanded Steve drop everything and go on vacation, his own plans be damned. 

They knew, because their families had done much the same, and so the lives they led also were tethered to leashes made of their parents' design. 

Dustin, whose mother bent over backwards to try and better her kid’s life, didn’t even have a frame of reference for this kind of thing, let alone sympathy. 

"Do they not understand you have a job?" Dustin asked incredulously, and Steve didn't have the emotional bandwidth to explain that his parents didn't consider working at Family Video to be a real job. 

As far as they were concerned, Steve could quit if he had to, and then go find another job when they were done using him to play the nice, All-American family. 

Likely for business purposes.

"They aren't the type to care." Steve said instead. 

It was easier than getting into it.

(Easier than explaining the BMW wasn't in his name, but his parents. 

How his money went into a bank account they had access to. 

That practically everything he owned was actually owned by Richard and Stella Harrington, and both were quick to remind him of that fact the second they felt Steve was acting out of line. 

And boy, had he been acting out of line. 

 Getting into fights. 

Turning their punishment of working a job they picked specifically for the humiliating outfit, into the far worse public embarrassment of being involved in a mall fire--an embarrassment because Steve had "lost" the keys to the BMW, had "put himself in danger" playing hero instead of letting the perfectly capable firefighters do it, then “paraded around” with bruises all over his face, racking up medical bills. 

Truly a sin for someone who hadn’t made it into college.) 

So no, this vacation they demanded Steve drop everything for  was not anything close to a reward, or even something they were doing to spend time together. There was a reason they needed Steve, and as far as they were concerned, Steve was at their beck and call until he shaped up and got his life back on track. 

His own plans be damned. 

"That's not fair though!" Dustin burst out and Steve sighed in relief, because here at least, he knew what to do to distract his younger friend.

 “We planned our trip months ago!” Dustin continued, looking two seconds away from giving in and stomping his foot. 

The kid might have been smarter than Steve--smarter than most people really--by a hell of a lot, but he was still fourteen. 

Smarts, Steve knew, didn't exactly equate to emotional intelligence, and it definitely didn't stop rampaging hormones.

Ice cream on the other hand, was a great aid in both areas. 

"You better be making this up to us." Dustin threatened thirty minutes later, spoon wedged deep into a sundae. “We can’t do, like, half the stuff we were going to do without you!” 

“I'm sure you guys didn’t need me to play ghost runners or whatever.” Steve said, but was quick to back down when Dustin nearly threw his spoon at him. 

Rather than antagonizing him more, Steve dutifully raised his hand to put over his heart. "I swear on your mom that I’ll make it up to you.”  

Dustin rolled his eyes, but otherwise, finally, let the whole thing go. 

Stupidly, Steve thought this meant the worst was over.

He was wrong. 

xXx 

Mike hadn’t cared. 

El and Will hadn’t really either, though both expressed some sadness that Steve wouldn’t be participating in the camping trip that the Party as a whole had been looking forward to for the past few months. 

Erica had simply snapped at him, making him promise much the same as Dustin had that he would be making it up to her sometime in the future. Likewise, she had been bought off by ice cream (even if she insisted it didn’t count because Steve owed her ice cream anyways.) 

Max was the surprising emotional standout. 

"You can't tell them no?" She demanded, arms crossed over her chest. 

Lucas was hovering awkwardly at her shoulder, shooting "what can you do?" vibes as hard as he could at Steve as his (currently on-again) girlfriend outright dressed the elder boy down; her shoulders creeping up higher and higher until she seemed to realize she was visually giving away her upset and forcibly relaxed them. 

Unlike Dustin and Erica, her tirade was very out of character and Steve was growing more concerned by the second that something was wrong the more she spat at him. 

“I mean for fucks sake, didn’t you tell them you had plans!?” She finished, eyes narrowed in rage. 

Which was rich coming from someone whose stepdad had Billy Hargrove running all over town before he’d run off after the guy’s death, but then, Steve knew better than to bring all that up.

(The image of Max, unresponsive in the hospital with casts on almost every limb, was still too fresh. 

Even now he didn’t like to push her, even if the Party as a whole did their best to take notice when one of them was isolating themselves again. 

Max, though she was down to one crutch, was still inclined to use it as a weapon and very much enjoyed practicing her swings on people’s ankles.) 

“I did indeed. They don’t care and they’re not giving me a choice, but for what it’s worth I am sorry.” Steve tried to keep his voice even and out of angry-shrieking range, and vaguely prayed it was working. “I swear, I will make it up to you guys, even if we have to go on a second camping trip.” 

This was clearly not the correct thing to say.

Though judging by the murderous rage being aimed his way, Steve was pretty sure nothing short of “You know what you’re right, let me go tell my parents to fuck off!” would make Max happy. 

“So you’re seriously just going to drop everything, all our plans, your job, us,” She took a very threatening step forward and despite her being a full foot shorter than him, Steve had to fight not to take a responding step back. “So you can go play rich boy in the Bahamas?” 

“We’re not going to the Bahamas--” Steve tried, but was interrupted with a loud “ugh!” of disapproval. 

“Whatever makes you happy, Steven.” Max spat, and then turned on her heel, storming off towards the rest of the Party (who had taken one look at Max’s face and fled into the arcade so she and Steve could “talk.”) “I’m sorry us peasants weren’t good enough to hang around!”  

“Sorry man.” Lucas apologized quietly, on his way to run after Max. 

Steve just scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed. 

xXx 

“The kids are mad at you.” Nancy announced, appearing across the Family Video counter like a phantom. 

Steve swore, nearly dropping his stack of VHS’s, while Robin (who had clearly seen Nancy approach) cackled at his fumble. 

“Yeah, I did get that memo.” Steve said, after he stabilized his stack, safely moving them from his arms to the counter. 

Nancy peered around them, her face giving away nothing. “It is kind of shitty to cancel at the last minute like that. We were relying on you to drive.”

An old fury shook itself awake in Steve’s chest, taking an interest in the conversation the second Steve realized what Nancy was here to do. 

He took a deep, shuddering breath, and pressed it down, back into the box he’d slammed it in all those years ago. 

“I’d leave the keys to Robin here, but unfortunately, someone failed their drivers test.” Steve said instead, jamming his finger over his shoulder and blatantly attempting to pass the buck. 

Robin, who absolutely knew that was what he was doing, faked a gasp and kicked at his ankles. 

“That crotchety asshole failed me on purpose!” She protested, spinning to face Nancy. “He made like, three misogynistic comments before we even got in the car!” 

“Pointing out that he knew the car wasn’t yours wasn’t misogynistic, he was just surprised to see me letting you use the Beemer.” Steve shot back, rolling his eyes. “I don’t exactly let a lot of people drive it.” 

Unspoken was that Steve’s BMW was one of the town’s more unique cars, and thus easily identifiable by the locals at large. 

“How is that better!?” Robin returned, but Nancy cleared her throat before they could successfully get the Steve-and-Robin show on the road. 

“The point is that we--but really, the kids, were counting on you.” Nancy said, dipping into her patented “I’m upset with you” tone. 

A year ago it would have cut Steve to the bone, even if he didn’t show it. 

Now he just stared tiredly at her back. 

“I’m sorry, Nance, but it is what it is.” He said simply, hoping the apology (even if he knew it wasn’t so much a real apology as it was something he said to keep the rage from breaking out and wrecking havoc via his mouth) would soften his ex. “I don’t know what else to tell you.”

Given the abrupt narrowing of her eyes, it very much did not help his case. 

“For someone who was so vocal about trying to change I have to say this is pretty disappointing.” Nancy said simply, but with just enough of a tone that Steve had to close his eyes for a second. 

Feel the way that old anger, the one that had powered King Steve, hit the bars of its cage.

Robin stilled immediately next to him, her head ping-ponging between Steve and Nancy both as she too, clocked that Nancy was pissed, and here to chew Steve out about it. 

“Um.” She said, voice going high in discomfort. 

Steve grit his teeth. “I don’t exactly get a say in these things, Nancy. You know that.” 

He had to work to keep his voice even, fighting against the ice that wanted to sharpen his own tone. 

It was just---Nancy did know. 

Steve had told her all those years ago, in the safety of her arms, about his parents' expectations. Their predetermined path, the way they dictated large swathes of his life. 

How they’d allowed him to pick which sports he played, but required that he play a sport no matter the time of year. 

That the pool they had installed wasn’t for him, he just got to use it as much as he did in part because he’d joined the swim team, and the kind of mental mind games he and his parents played about things like that. 

Apparently either Nancy had forgotten, or simply hadn’t taken it in to begin with because she wasn’t backing down. 

(Not that Steve had ever seen Nancy Wheeler back down.) 

“I know you have trouble juggling your parents' plans with your own.” Nancy said, and her tone was absolutely icy now. “I certainly remember waiting for a date that never happened.” 

Steve sucked in a breath through his teeth, knowing immediately what Nancy was referring to. 

“I told you they came home unexpectedly.” He said, arms now crossed against his chest, nails digging into his arms as a way to help himself stay grounded. “They wouldn’t let me use the phone until the next day and I apologized.”

“And I recall having a lovely conversation with your mother where she said otherwise.” Nancy said, her words punctuated by another high pitched “Uhhhh.” from Robin. 

“Funny how you believe my mom over me.” Steve said and whoops, yup, he definitely sounded mad now. 

So much for all the effort he’d put in to staying calm. 

“Because I look at actions, Steve. Patterns. The same ones you kept repeating.” Nancy was clearly about to escalate, and Robin, bless her, had had enough. 

“He-eeey.” She said, wedging herself in between Steve and the counter Nancy was starting to lean over. “I totally get it, you’re both upset, but this maybe isn’t the venue to fight about it? There are customers in the store and--sorry Nancy--but I do kinda need Steve for work, so…” 

She trailed off, glancing nervously between the two of them. 

Nancy took a breath, blasting it out of her mouth like an academically inclined dragon. “You’re right. I’m sorry Robin.”

She then turned on her heel, making her way to the doors. She paused before them, and Steve prepared himself because he knew whatever she was going to say next, it was going to hurt. 

“I wouldn’t care if it was just me, Steve, but the kids don’t deserve you pulling this shit. Not after all they’ve been through.” With that, Nancy pushed through the door, head held high as she stormed to her car. 

As was typical for Nancy’s aim, she scored a direct hit. 

Steve, somehow, resisted throwing things. 

“Can you believe her!?” He said, the second the doors were closed and Nancy safely out of eyeshot. “Coming in here like that!?” 

He ran his hand through his hair, once, twice. 

A third time for good measure. 

“Yeah, that was seriously public for her.” Robin agreed, sliding up next to him. “Like really public.” 

Steve shrugged, because well. Not really. 

Not anymore. 

But Robin didn’t know that, just like Robin wasn’t entirely familiar with the depths Steve’s parents went to save face. They hadn’t exactly had time to really dig into it all, given how fast the Vecna situation had hit after Starcourt and the sheer PTSD both incidents had caused. 

Most nights they spent together was spent trying to avoid reliving nightmares, not discussing ones they were currently still living in. 

A fact that Steve was more than happy to bring her up to speed on, but to do so involved a lot of backstory, and backstory involved Nancy, and God, he was fucking pissed at Nancy. 

Soon it was an hour into his rant and he hadn’t actually gotten around to the sheer level of shit his parents would pull, too busy with Nancy and old echoes of ‘bullshit.’ 

 He only stopped when Robin put a hand on his shoulder, shaking him ever so slightly. 

“Dingus. You know I love you, and I know you’ve changed, but you do gotta admit, canceling at the last minute is kinda shitty and I get why they’re upset.” 

It was like the carpet had been pulled right out from under Steve, yanked so quickly he’d have to pinwheel to keep his feet. 

“What?” He said, eyes round in sheer surprise. 

“I just mean like, I get your parents are dicks but,” Robin’s face screwed up, looking like she’d sucked a lemon. It was her “I’m going to say something you don’t like face” and it hit Steve like a punch to the gut. 

“Our shift’s almost over and no offense, you’ve started to repeat yourself about Nance, and I get it! I do, memory shit is hard!” Robin’s hands moved as she talked, her bracelets jingling as if punctuating her point. 

“But I also think admitting you double booked yourself on accident and just taking responsibility for it would help smooth things over. Middle ground, you know?” Robin waggled her hands in a gesture that, for the first time in a long time, Steve didn’t understand. 

He found himself suddenly struggling to breathe. 

“Are you--are you saying you think I didn’t tell them I had a trip already planned?” 

Steve wasn’t sure how he managed to get it out. Wasn’t sure how he was doing anything, given the heat that was shooting through him, a hot mix of confusion and betrayal as Robin fidgeted to his left. 

“No! Okay well,” The lemon face got worse for a second. “I’m just saying you did kinda forget to pick me up that one time, and you do kinda blame your parents when stuff like that happens.” She bit a nail, peering at him out of the corner of her eyes.  

“I don’t--” Steve said, completely knocked adrift. “I…”

Robin didn’t believe him.

His Robin. 

Who wasn’t--wasn’t exactly siding with Nancy, but wasn’t saying she was wrong either, or that she understood that this shit was out of his control, and in fact, was kind of implying that Nancy was right more so than Steve was and---and--

There was a ringing in Steve’s ears he wasn’t sure actually existed. 

“I’m sure a lot of it is your brain injury. The doctors said your short term memory can take a while to fully come back and I totally get why you don’t wanna say that, I just, I think it would be better if--Steve?” Robin jumped back as Steve finally found his footing, swiping his jacket and punching out before she could catch how badly his hands were shaking. 

“I’m leaving.” Steve told her, his own words a million miles away, entirely uncaring if Keith fired him. 

Keith was likely going to fire him anyway, given Steve was about to ask for a week-long vacation not even four months after the whole Vecna ordeal. 

“Wait, Steve, hey--Dingus! I wasn’t done, I mean, I had more to say I, dammit Steve--!” Robin called after him frantically as Steve bolted for the door. 

Steve ignored her, aiming for the Beemer and swinging himself numbly into the driver's seat when he got it open. 

Put the car in park and avoided Robin’s face entirely as he backed it out, punching the gas far harder than he needed to. 

The Beemer roared in response, nose rising as it shot forward. 

Robin was his best friend. His fucking--platonic soulmate, as she kept calling him. The very idea that she agreed with Nancy in general was a blow but in this?

Against his parents? 

Nausea rolled angrily in Steve’s stomach, matching the sudden wetness that coated his eyes. 

Angry and needing an outlet, Steve stomped hard on the gas, taking the next corner far too sharp and making the beemer fishtail, tires squealing . 

He didn’t know where he was going.

He figured he’d find out when he got there. 

xXx 

Given what Steve knew about the universe at large, (nevermind Hawkins) it probably wasn’t the smartest thing to hang around the Quarry at night.

But then, summer was in full swing. Kids were home from college and itching to find a place to party without parental overhead. 

Deep to the left side of the water, around a few bends and tucked oh so neatly out of sight, was a place where one could do just that. 

Party.

This stretch had long been claimed by the college kids of Hawkins, and guarded zealously for it. 

With the sheer number of drunk people whooping and hollering around the bonfires below the ridge where everyone parked their cars, Steve figured he was safe enough. 

Even if he was up with said cars, sitting alone. 

Not like it mattered. If a demodog or demogorgan or demo-fucking-dragon decided to come along, Steve had half a mind to just let it have him. 

It felt easier than trying to fix the current mess his life was in. 

So he sat up here, blowing through the alcohol he’d purchased from the one gas station that never carded, drinking his problems away. 

(That also wasn’t the best course of action but with his parents home to spring the whole “vacation” ordeal on him, it wasn’t like Steve had a choice.) 

He hadn’t grabbed a lot--had been so damn upset and struggling to hide it that he’d picked up a four pack of wine coolers instead of the intended beer he’d wanted. It was all he had though, and so he chugged the last bottle with a wince and wished he was a hell of a lot drunker than he felt.

Then promptly caught sight of the person walking towards him, and wondered vaguely if he was drunker than he felt. 

Of all the people to come and offer him a can of beer, Steve would have never expected Tommy Hagan. 

He eyed it and his old friend both, before slowly reaching out and taking the can. 

“Heard you and your parents are doing CoHo this year.” Tommy said casually, leaning up against the front of the Beemer like it was old times. 

“Yup.” Steve replied, drawing the word out. 

“Angie Tideman’s parents are going, they’re bringing her ith .” Tommy said it casually, and had the good graces not to grin when Steve audibly groaned.

“Oh god.”

Tommy sucked on a lip, nodding absently. “Yeah.” 

Then; “It gets worse.” 

Steve, who now knew what this conversation was about, instantly began tearing into the beer can. “How can it get worse? You know what Angie’s like.”

Angie, whose full name was Angelina, lived a few towns over. Born to wealthy parents who doted on their beloved only child, Angie had more in common with your average shark than she did her fellow humans. 

A comparison that, frankly, was unkind to sharks.

She was without a doubt the most selfish person Steve had ever had the misfortune of encountering, and the mere idea of being trapped in a room with her made his skin crawl. 

Their parents were business buddies though, and god forbid he ever insult a business buddies kid, 

“She goes to Purdue, you know, with me and Carol.” Tommy said, instead of answering directly. “We cross paths a lot, party wise.” 

Steve stayed silent. 

Knew how Tommy talked, how his stories meandered. Especially the juicy ones. 

“She’s been talking a lot recently. Given you don’t look all that informed, I’m gonna assume the one person she hasn’t talked to is you.” 

Steve gripped the can of beer, a sudden, sick fear blooming in his gut. 

“Tommy.” He said mildly, not loud enough to really interrupt, but with enough force to let his former friend know to get to the point, now. 

“Got all super fancy right before we left for summer break. Hair done, whole new wardrobe, nails, you know.” Tommy waggled his fingers playfully, but dropped them when Steve just stared. “Went full whore on us. I swear she was making out with any guy who even looked at her--” 

“Tommy.” He repeated, this time a hell of a lot firmer. 

Done pushing, Tommy let go of the proverbial bombshell. “Apparently you’re planning on proposing to her this summer. She’s gonna return next year as an engaged woman, with you in tow, because apparently, you got into Purdue. Congrats by the way.” 

Tommy clapped him on the shoulder, right as Steve’s mouth went dry. 

For the second time that day, he found himself fighting the burning heat of embarrassment and fury as it rolled through him. 

“I’m proposing.” Steve said, as if saying it out loud would scare the very idea away. “To Angie.” 

“Yeah we kinda figured you didn’t know.” Tommy said with a snide little grin. To the average outsider it was mocking, but Steve knew better.

Tommy was uncomfortable, because Tommy had understood what Steve’s parents had done. 

“What I’d like to know is just how much Angie’s parents paid to get you into Purdue. That’s gotta be a minimum fifty thousand dollar donation at least.” Tommy removed his hand, to instead lean his shoulder against Steve’s. Like this was the old times, before they’d fought. “ I didn’t think they had that kind of money to throw around.”  

A past conversation with his father struck Steve, running through the front of his mind like a bad horror movie. 

“They sold the estate.” Steve said vacantly, the implications not quite hitting. “The one they’ve been trying to get rid of forever, over in Cape Cod.” 

“Oh shit.” Tommy said, blinking as he too, recalled what was likely his father telling him the very same news. 

“They sold the place on Cape Cod, and they used part of the funds to fucking buy me like a toy.” And yeah, saying it out loud, it definitely sounded bad. “I didn’t think Angie even liked me.”

“Does Angie like anyone?” Tommy asked, incredulously, but nudged Steve’s shoulder again when his joke didn’t net him the laugh he wanted.. “I mean, you had to know your old man had plans to straighten you out. He keeps getting mad at my dad, because the ass won't stop making jokes that I’m going to take over the company instead of you.” 

“And this is it. Attaching me to Angie.” Steve said vacantly. “Because they know if I get married…” 

He’d put his wife first. His family, first. 

The one he’d wanted, dreamed of, since he first realized he didn’t have one. 

He’d been playing checkers the entire time, too busy fighting fucking monsters and Russians to realize his parents had upgraded to chess. 

In a dizzying array of mental connect-the-dots, Steve replayed the last years worth of conversations. All the odd little things they’d said. All the dumb things Steve had just ignored. 

 They’d warned him. 

Had told him he better shape up, or they’d be forced to do something drastic. 

That his parents hadn’t wasted all this time, effort, money on him, for him to throw away his life like he was. 

“You better start acting right and figuring out how to get your life back on track, because you won’t like what happens if I have to fix it for you. You get a month Steven, and after that? Well. Just remember you forced my hand, Steven.” 

They knew. They knew him, and what made him tick.

“I think the real question is what Angie’s parents see in you.” Tommy teased, but then they both knew the answer to that puzzle. 

For all that Steve’s mom complained about her husband, the guy was a shrewd and calculating businessman. Those weekends, then weekdays, then more and more time away hadn’t just been so he could go screw his secretary. 

Richard Harrington had fast tracked his business to the point where it was now getting attention. The business journal, ‘Top 50 Companies to Watch’ kind. 

Even if Steve fucked up entirely, he was set to inherit a fortune and a business that would continue adding to it, for some time to come. 

Provided he did what his parents wanted.

Such as marrying Angie. 

Thing was, if his parents did what they always did, and held their wealth (his car, his home, his life and all the little things in it) against him like a gun to his head, if Angie got that ring around her finger? 

 Steve would bow to their whims. 

 Because they could fluster him into proposing so he didn’t embarrass Angie, and her parents and anyone else who’d undoubtedly be watching. They’d make a spectacle of it. 

Because once he did propose, they wouldn’t let him back out, burying him under guilt trips and veiled threats until he was marched down the aisle in a groomsman suite and told to stand. 

Because against all common sense, Steve wanted a family who loved him so desperately he’d chase it like a dog if he was presented with the opportunity and told to make it work. 

It didn’t matter that Angie was selfish. 

Steve would try anyway. 

His parents were maneuvering him as easily as they had back when he was a kid, using love as a tool to get him to do what they wanted and even seeing the nose hanging from the rafters, they knew just the right words to get him to place it around his neck. 

“Thought you’d wanna know.” Tommy finished, pushing himself off Steve’s car. “Before your parents sprung it on you.” 

“Sonofabitch.” Steve hissed angrily, a million thoughts racing through his head, the heat of being caught in a trap blasting down his spine. 

“Yeah.” Tommy added, rather unhelpfully. “But hey, given that you’re about to go on vacation to propose, why don’t we consider this,” here Tommy swept his hand, gesturing to the party below, “your proposal party?” 

It was a downright horrible idea.

But then, Steve didn’t exactly have a better one. 

Not  when the world itself seemed against him, grinding its heel into his back and laughing about it. 

He knew the drill. If he went down there, arm in arm with Tommy, then it wouldn’t matter that half those kids were from a few towns over, driven in by new college buddies.  

They’d see him as a reason to get wild, absolutely uncaring that they didn’t know who the hell he was. 

Steve needed that.

People who weren’t mad at him, buying into the easy lies his parents wove, or who didn't understand the games played against him. 

“Fuck it.” He announced, standing up from the hood of his car as Tommy’s grin morphed into something he used to see in the days of old, back when they were sneaking drinks from their parents' alcohol cabinets. “This way at least I get a party.”

Not like his parents were going to let him have an engagement party. Or a bachelor party, or likely let his ass back into Hawkins. 

No matter how long the engagement. 

Tommy cheered, raising his arms to the sky and Steve grinned wildly with him. 

He’d figure out how to get out of all this later--but for now, he wanted just a few damn hours where he didn’t have to think. 

Not about his parents, or Angie, or possible attempts to force him into marriage, like this was the yee olden days and Steve was a Victorian maiden who needed to be brought to heel. 

Likewise he didn’t want to think about the Party, or Russian torture, or how Nancy could be so damn smart in some things and downright stupid in others. 

He absolutely didn't want to think about Robin. 

“Hey boys and girls, look who I drug up!” Tommy yelled as they approached and soon, word had spread.

This was Steve’s proposal party, and he was here to get absolutely smashed (while encouraging everyone else to do the exact same, in his honor.) 

Which would be how Eddie found him a few hours later.

Still at the quarry, crossfaded off his ass, a forty in one hand and a lawn dart in the other. 

“Are you kidding me, Steve?” Eddie grit out, desperately trying to wrestle the lawn dart out of his hand. “You’re fucking partying with Tommy Hagan!?” 

Steve blinked at him a few times, finally catching on that Eddie was in fact, actually there. 

“When did you show up?” He asked, though given the wince on Eddie’s face and just how hard it had been to move his lips, Steve correctly assumed he’d slurred the shit out of the question. 

Somehow, Eddie understood him anyway. 

“Robin called me a while ago, gave me a list of places you might be. Almost skipped this one until I stepped out of my van to take a piss and heard the party.” Eddie explained, and somehow while doing so, he’d successfully gotten a hold of the dart. 

He was now working on removing the 40 ounce. 

Steve frowned, using his newly freed hand to grip it closer to his chest. 

“Harrington.” Eddie warned, and oh, wow, they were back to last names huh?

Well why not, it wasn't like his night could get worse. 

“This is mine, Munson.” Steve fired back, putting as much vitriol into Eddie’s last name as he could.

This did not detour the metalhead. 

“Come on man, give me the bottle.” Eddie said firmly. 

Steve shook his head stubbornly, enjoying the way his hair whipped at his face. “No.”

Another man stumbled over, a guy Steve absolutely did not know. He frowned, looking between Eddie and Steve. 

For two seconds, Steve thought they might have trouble, and given the way Eddie was tensing, he clearly thought so too. 

Instead, New Guy just kind of rocked on his heels. “Hey, shove off it, buddy. It’s this guy's bachelor party, let the man drink!” 

Eddie’s face did something complicated then, pulling the sort of expressive looks only he could manage.

It was both adorable and hilarious, and if Steve hadn’t just been reminded of the very reason he was drinking, he’d have told Eddie so. 

“Yeah!” He said instead, raising his hand in the air, toasting his bottle of forty against the other guy’s red solo cup. “It’s my proposalengagmentbachelor party!” 

Given the second, adorable-slash-hilarious look on Eddie’s face, Steve assumed those words hadn’t come out right either. 

“Okay.” Eddie said hands on his hips in a stance Steve was pretty sure Eddie had gotten from him. “Here’s what's going to happen. You’re going to put the bottle away. Then you’re going to give me your car keys, and then the two of us are going to my house to sleep whatever is happening here, off.” 

At least, that's what Steve thought he heard. It was a pretty un-Eddie like speech, and Steve maybe, might have been the one to say it, because he maybe, might have been mocking what Eddie had actually said.

Maybe.

It was hard to know, given that Steve’s thoughts were a thick soup on a bit of a time delay, and he was having a hard time figuring up from down, let alone what Eddie had been actually saying. 

Speaking of; 

 “When did I get into your car?” Steve asked, blinking as the van’s passenger seat appeared before him.

“Just now.” Eddie said, helping him in.

“Huh.” Said Steve, and then he maybe passed out a bit, because once again, he found himself awake and alert at a place that wasn’t where he’d just been. 

“Come on.” Eddie said gently, one of Steve’s arms over his shoulder as Steve leaned heavily into him, guiding the jock up the stairs and into the small house he and Wayne now called a home. 

The guy might have muttered a few things about bachelor parties along the way, but Steve was too focused on walking straight to really take notice. 

Part Two

[ashwhowrites]

Eddie x cheerleader! Reader, so, Eddie's FWB ends things with him and he's kinda sad about it, but during a deal with Cheerleader! Reader, she offers to make him feel better (hurt/comfort to smut?)

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it! Thank you for requesting <3

⚠️ smutish

Deal?

Y/N has bought weed from Eddie for months. She was one of the only cheerleaders that wasn't scared off by Jason's freak speech. As a result, she got sent to do everyone's deals. But she didn't mind, she enjoyed talking to Eddie.

He was energetic, funny, and the life of the party. He could make anything fun. Y/N enjoyed talking to him because she finally got to talk to someone real.

But today he seemed distracted. He was quick to deal, with no small talk as he silently separated the bags of weed. Y/N watched him closely. She noticed the frown on his forehead, the pout of his lip, the defeated sighs that kept escaping from his lips.

"Okay, what's wrong?" She finally asked, he was about to stand up to leave.

"Nothing." He shrugged, continuously packing up his stuff.

"Sit and talk. We're friends. Let me listen." She offered, and she gave an encouraging smile as he thought it over.

"Remember Becca?" Eddie asked, sitting down back on the bench. His eyes looked over Y/N as she tried to remember the name.

"Sex girl right?" Y/N remembers slightly talking about a Becca. But it always was about sex.

"Yeah. Well, she ended our little exchange and I'm screwed." Eddie sighed, he put his elbows on the table, crossed his arms, and leaned down on it. His face was close to the table as Y/N softly hit his nose.

"Eddie, you're hot. You can easily go to a bar and ask for a fuck." Y/N didn't see the big deal. It was just a girl, and he could find another.

" I need....just never mind." But Y/N didn't let him adventure off.

"Explain."

"I struggle to sleep. Like I went days without sleeping. And I learned that if I have sex or an orgasm, it helps me sleep. But it's like immediately if I'm in bed. I can't bring a girl over and pass out in seconds. She could rob me or think I'm a loser. Becca understood that and she stayed. Some nights she'd stay the whole time and some she left once I was asleep for a few hours to make sure it worked. She understood me. " Eddie explained. He felt like an idiot. It was such a first-world problem. Here he is crying about not getting fucked to sleep.

"What if I help?" Eddie snapped his head up to look at her, sitting up straight.

"Um, what?" Eddie choked. Spit stuck in his throat as he coughed.

"You explained it all to me. I understand what you need. " She said, standing up and walking over to him. She stood behind him, her lips against his ear as her hands ran down his chest.

"It can be a little deal. You call me when you need help sleeping, and I get free weed. Sound fair?" Eddie shivered as her voice ran chills down his spine. Her hands slowly moved down to his belt.

"But...you sure?" His voice went higher in pitch as she unbuckled his belt. Her lips softly kissed his jaw. He looked around, he saw nothing but trees. He couldn't even see her, but he loved feeling her pressed against him.

"Definitely. Tell me it's a deal." She said, her hands were now in his boxers, her fingers circling his tip.

"It's a deal." He moaned, a smile on her face. She removed her hand for a second, her palm under his chin.

"Spit"

Eddie spit in her hand, moaning as she yanked his hair. His head flung back as she kissed his jaw and neck. Her wet hand was back in his boxers. She ran her fingers up and down his length. She enjoyed the way he stuttered and shook.

"I know, baby. Just let me make you feel better." She encouraged. She wrapped her hand around his cock and began to jerk him off.

Eddie felt his nails digging into his palm. His mind was racing. He can't lie, he always thought of Y/N in a more friendly way. But never did he think she'd be giving him a handjob in the middle of the woods behind school.

"See, no reason to be sad. She's just a girl." Y/N whispered but Eddie could only think about her. Becca lost his head as Y/N's name was on his lips.

"Fuck, Y/N." He moaned as she sped up. He could feel every muscle tightening but also melting. He felt like he wasn't even there.

"That's it." She praised them, he could feel himself getting closer and closer. He looked down, seeing her hand disappear under his boxers, his jeans down to his ankles.

"Close." He warned, expecting her to speed up but she stopped. He went to protest when she asked him to turn around. He was confused but listened.

He turned himself around, kicking off his jeans. He now faced her as she dropped to her knees.

"Oh, you're gonna kill me," Eddie smirked, and she winked in response.

She felt branches digging in her knees but she didn't mind. She wrapped her lips around his cock, grabbed his hand, and placed it on her head.

Eddie got the hint and began to move her head. Helping her bob up and down on him. His hands gripped her ponytail as he fucked her throat. He chased his orgasm, moaning as his stomach clenched.

He tried to pry his eyes open to look down. Her eyes were watering as she gagged around him.

"Cumming!" He moaned, both his hands pushing down on her head as he came. Forcing her further down his cock as he shook. She felt his cum hit the back of her throat, breathing through her nose the best she could.

Once he slipped out, she took a deep breath. She coughed a few times as she stood up. She leaned down and used his shirt to clean her lips. Eddie always came a second time.

She dug in her backpack and grabbed a sharpie. She wrote her number in his palm.

"Call me." She winked. Eddie put his sensitive cock back in his boxers. His eyes on her as she wandered off.

Eddie has no idea what just happened.

But he knew for sure he was calling her.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergentreblogs @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37

[illicitlimerence-writes]

guiding lights | m. verstappen

pairing: max verstappen x singer!actress!reader word count: 1.7k words request: nope, at least i don’t think so. prompt: putting up decorations ⎯ “wow… that’s… a lot of lights.” from this prompt list. not my prompts, credits to the person who created it! warnings: allusions to sex, language, idk what else a/n: am i ready to jump back into a month-long challenge? nope, but i will try my best. i have tomorrow’s fic ready but i’m not too sure i’ll be able to complete this lol. friendly reminder that my requests are closed!

my masterlist / this is part of the 'superheroes and flat caps' series. find all the parts here! / 25 days of christmas masterlist

she sighed, dropping her luggage once she opened the door, leaning her weight against it to close it as she entered her home. the house was cold, and dark. not even the light in the kitchen was on, which dropped her spirits a little.

it was officially the start of her winter holidays, max’s had started a week prior, -technically two, but he’d had other events that first week - which meant he’d been all alone in their house for a week, bored out of his mind with no company or distractions other than his simulator, netflix, or their daily videochats. 

during those last ones, she’d insisted he visited some of his friends, or invited them into their new home, but he refused, said she was supposed to be there to welcome guests, too. it was their first official home, and max couldn’t take all the credit for scoring such a great place like that. their new house was big, spacious, without being too much. she’d drawn a line when the real estate agent showed them a house with not one but two jaccuzis, in the backyard, besides a really large pool. she could see max was really, actually contemplating it, but she shook her head and muttered ‘uh-uh,’ her eyes open in a way that said ‘don’t even think about it.’ 

so, max was really taking the word ‘vacation’ literally. doing absolutely nothing but sit on the couch and watch movies - a few big releases he’d missed during the year-, and yell at the tv whenever a character did something stupid. he was living his best life.

meanwhile, she was working hard, finishing her new album, planning release dates and other marketing strategies ahead of the new year. and once everything was planned, she was more than eager, ready, to go home.

although this welcome wasn’t what she’d had in mind when she thought of finally coming home to max. it seemed that he’d finally listened to her advice and had gone out of the house, for once. she couldn’t be upset about it, max wasn’t someone that took solitude easily, he enjoyed being around people, although he didn’t express it verbally most of the time. 

she turned on the lights as she made her way in, grabbing her suitcase and walking to the washing room, making a mental note to wash all of her stuff the following day. after that, she walked further into the house, and couldn’t help but smile, a soft, content sigh leaving her lips as she took in the fact that this was theirs. not just hers, or max’s, but theirs. they’d jumped into this adventure together, and it still didn’t feel real.

a thud coming from upstairs caught her attention, she frowned as she heard another sound, like something had fallen. she rushed to a closet, where max kept his golf clubs, and grabbed one, soundlessly walking up the steps. there was an open door, the third room to the right, what they’d decided would be max’s space. she got closer, trying to peek her head in, and just at that second, max came out of the room.

she yelled, both in shock and surprise, which caused max to do the same.

“why are you holding a club?!” he yelled/asked, making her drop the object to the floor.

“i thought you were a burglar!” she ran her hand through her hair, feeling her heartbeat quickening, “i saw all the lights out and thought you were out somewhere,” she closed her eyes and placed a hand on her chest, catching her breath.

“jesus,” max’s chest was heaving, and they both stood there for a few seconds, recovering from the scare, and once that had passed, she jumped straight in his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist, he turned, placing her back against the wall for support, and looked her in the eyes, saying the words he’d been waiting for since he got to monaco, “welcome home.”

she smiled, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him close, she buried her face in his neck, breathing in his scent and relaxing under his touch. one of his hands found its way to her hair, he tilted his head and placed a kiss to her neck as he curled his fingers around her hair.

“did you finish the song?” he asked, there was one song left in the album that was not ready yet. and she was okay with it not being in the album, she wanted to perfect it, no matter how long it took. ‘you are in love’ was being a pain in her ass, but this song felt too special, too important for them, for their relationship. 

“not yet.” she sighed, “i guess you’ll just have to do more romantic things for me.” she chuckled.

max stilled for a second, before laughing as well, kissing her again as he led her to their room.

-

after catching up (and making up for lost time), a forgotten thought ran through her mind.

“hey, what were you doing in your office earlier? when i came in?” she asked, looking up at him, her chin resting on his chest, fingers playing with the gold chain hanging from his neck.

“oh!, i was getting something i needed,”

“for what?”

“something.”

“and what’s that something?” she raised an eyebrow.

“a surprise, for you. but it’s not ready yet. actually, i should go finish,” he said, gently cupping her chin and lifting her from his chest, he got up from the bed, putting on clean boxers and sweatpants, and throwing a hoodie on. 

“maxwell?” she called for him, max chuckled, it always humored him how she’d find different names to call him when she was annoyed at him, “you’re not seriously leaving me like this, right now,” she held the sheets up to her chest, watching him look back with a smile on his face. 

“i’ll be right back.” he declared.

“max!”

“you’ll like it, i swear!”

“payback’s a bitch!” she reminded him, falling down on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

“i’ll be waiting for it, then. i’ll come back for you when it’s ready!” she heard his voice getting lower as he walked down the stairs, getting farther away from her.

-

she took her time alone to take a warm shower, doing her extended skincare routine, noticing how some of her products were less ful than what she remembered from the last time she was home. she chuckled at the thought of max experimenting with her products, applying the creams and serums to his face as his thought process told him to. 

“it’s done!” max said as he walked in the room, his head whipping around as he looked for her. “baby?” he asked.

“bathroom!” she said, and turned her head to look at him as she finished washing her hands. 

“you stole my hoodie,” he noticed.

“what happened to ‘what’s mine is yours’?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“there’s not a ring on my finger yet,” he said, making her laugh.

“there’s not one on mine either. better treat me right if you want me to stay,” she teased, “you’ve got points off for leaving me like that.”

“oh, but this will make up for it, i swear.”

“hm, that’s up to me to decide.”

he grabbed her hand, bringing her close to him, his free hand found her cheek, pressing his lips against hers, she responded softly, sliding an arm on his waist, curling her fingers on the fabric of his sweatshirt. her other hand reached inside his hoodie, grabbing the chain and seeing the small charm again, a smile on her face as she remembered the moment she saw it for the first time.

“no persuading me,” she tapped his nose, “now show me.”

he grabbed her hands, leading her out of the room and down the stairs, meanwhile he spoke.

“so i know this is our second christmas together, but it’s our first in our new home, and we have to make it special, right?” he asked, waiting for her to agree.

“right,” she said warily, not knowing where this was headed.

“we’ll need to get a lot more decorations compared to what we had last year, we have so much space here. anything you want. and i know you looove sparkles, so-” he said, leaving her through the sliding door, out into the garden, where everything she could see was warm glowing light.

little lights everywhere. and i mean, everywhere. 

around the trunks of the trees, all along the edge of the pool, the chairs and the roof of the house. even a few christmas trees made completely out of lights.

“wow, that’s… a lot of lights,” she whispered, overwhelmed by the amount of lights everywhere she looked.

“yeah, they’re to guide you home,” he said cheesily, a sly smile on his face. it was meant to be a joke, but she grinned at him, loving how open max had become to express his love for her, to her.

she hugged him, wrapping her arms around him so tight that max huffed out a little, before placing his arms around her shoulders and placing a kiss to the top of her head. 

“you know… when i said about doing more romantic things… i didn’t mean like right now. not that i’m complaining but-”

“i know. i just… i don’t know, i feel like since this is out first christmas and other holidays here, i think we should go all out.”

“that’s alright, we can do that.” she nodded, turning her head around, her eye catching a different kind of glimmer. the chain hanging from his neck, the charm with her initial on it, seemed to sparkle, reflecting the lights all around them as he moved. he grabbed her hands, taking a step back and twirled her around. she chuckled, not expecting the movement. she came back to him, placing a hand on his chest as he pulled her close. he started swaying, his free hand meeting her waist. and they slow danced under the moonlight, and all the christmas lights. “thank you. i love it.”

“you’re very welcome,” he smiled, kissing the side of her temple. 

“you’re paying the electric bill this month and next, though,” she made it clear.

“yup, i figured.” he laughed.

“we can start decorating tomorrow,” she declared.

[whatbigotspost]

On being real mean and then less mean

Long post incoming........I've been chipping away at writing this for like a month now and (unlike my usual self) I've stalled out a few times unsure of what all I want to say. But I think I've got it squared up the way I would like to. Unfortunately, I need a long context laying preamble. Sorry this will feel like an online recipe experience 😅

As the 5 of you who usually read my blocks of text will know well, I grew up in a very toxic, abusive, high-control environment. If you wanted to intentionally produce kids who would have anxiety, shame, self-loathing, aggression, be overly-competitive, angry, and equipped with little-to-no social skills, you should be parented like I was. In my nuclear family, we couldn't have had worse life lessons or role modeling when it comes to building healthy relationships, strong friendships, and harmonious existence with others. Violence was often normalized. Manipulation was encouraged. Specific conditions and rules were put on receiving love and/or affection. We weren't seen as independent humans who had their own lives and thoughts and ambitions--we were seen as extensions of my father, brought into the world to be his unquestioning cheerleaders and adoring team, to do our best to become his clones, to live out his unrealized dreams, and to combat his grievances w/ the world.

In short, it sucked.

Above all, I was taught in a very deep and real way to hate myself, not that this was explicitly acknowledged mind you, but it was the implication of everything. This self loathing was an extension of my father's own insecurities and full inability to grow the fuck up and build a life for himself that was emotionally mature, resilience, and self-caring. This mentality, if truly internalized, creates ugliness from the inside that radiates outward. I can see that so clearly now, but back then, I didn't understand it at all.

I was implicitly taught a thought process like, "the best way to 'own' someone is to shit talk them into crying" or "you can make yourself look stronger and distract from your own shortcomings by staying 1 step ahead of everyone through making THEM feel like shit about their shortcomings."

But you weren't just mean to someone to stay ahead of them, you were also mean as a way to ingratiate others to you. "Telling it like it is" even if what you said was unnecessarily cruel, was a virtue. Like, "what? I'm just saying what we're all thinking!" kind of stuff. I was taught that "teasing" is a way you show someone you love them, where "teasing" means saying all kinds of awful things that are quite hurtful. I was taught that being funny was one of the most important qualities and it didn't matter if those laughs came at the expense of others' feelings and if, over time, your comments began to destroy those around you.

It's "just teasing." It's "just joking." It was a lot of "oh come, on grow a thicker skin" over "maybe saying cruel shit for fun is bad?" It was "God, I can dish it and I can take it, why can't you?" over "maybe I want friends who support one another instead of digging at our insecurities."

Some recent nostalgia I've been wallowing in this summer reminded me of my grossest self who lived by these rules.

Those worst moments, where I was a bully and an asshole, all occurred for me at school, when I was probably around 11/12 and older. School was a very interesting place for me. When I try to paint an efficient picture of what my childhood home was like for others, I often say, my family existed in a weird liminal someplace between mainstream, mid western white suburban society and a survivalist/separatist/cult/fringe culture (like Tara Westover describes in Educated or as seen in Captain Fantastic if you're familiar w/ either of those.) We were a cult of 4 and there were many things We Did Not Do, all my dad's rules. (My grandparent's house was a safe harbor unlike my home, but that's a tangent for another time.) That said, accessing education was something my father DID trust the local government to do (as long as he could emphasize over and over how we can't trust everything they say, we could trust their lessons of math, music, English, etc.) He strategically chose a place to live where I could get the best "free" education possible in Central Indiana. My social life existed fully in a traditional school setting, where it took me all of 2 seconds to clock that other kids' lives weren't like mine, and that was compelling to me. I became a lifelong student of interpersonal relationship dynamics far before I realized I had become a lifelong student of relationships. I remember when I was in elementary school journaling about and thinking about and talking about all the friend groups and dynamics, etc. Writing stories about friend groups. Creating Barbie universes and dramas with 2 neighborhood friends. Trying to spend more and more time w/ peers instead of family.

Beyond that, I loved school because I would receive praise and love at home for A's and praise and love from my teachers for being "so good" (aka offering 100% deference to adult authority as I been told to do, even if I could question them inside.) This all means when I was very young, I did SO WELL at figuring out school...how to make friends...how to get an A+...how to get teachers to love me...how to be The Good Kid...how to reduce my value to my grades and what I produced, which is a mentality I've still only begun to unweave from within me, some 30 years later.

Anyway, point is, despite the hand I was dealt, I somehow never had trouble making friends and with a lot of my closest friends, I wasn't all that mean to in the way I describe above, at least initially. But when I did apply that behavior, god damn was it ugly. I get that now, but back then, I felt cool as fuck.

The more it (temporarily worked for me) the more I used meanness. By the time I was like 17, I literally was known as mean and wore it as a badge of honor. Lacking emotional intelligence and an overtly loving home environment, I thought it was normal? cool? idk...to "not be able to handle mushy emotional stuff." I would (LITERALLY) run if friends were telling me they loved me. It became more and more common for me to apply, "witty mean girl" quips to even my closest friends. Stuff was said about me like, "oh, if she makes fun of you, it means she really loves you." I was always saying shit to gain laughs from others that really hurt some people and I would act like that was a THEM thing like "god, they're so sensitive, poor widdle baby."

NOT GOOD. Nothing to be proud of. Signs of someone who deep down hates themselves and hopes you don't notice because of a big, bad exterior. In this era, I was someone who attracted and accepted other toxic people and was abusive toward and accepted abuse from friends who had these same issues. How I met and fell in love w/ my partner who is not at all like this during that period of time back when sometimes confounds me. His boundaries and feelings are why I started really looking inward. His patience and willingness to understand what was going on for me was immense (as I was similarly patient for things related to his baggage.) FOR YEARS we had a dynamic where I'd "make fun of" "tease" "just joke" about him too harshly in front of others and he would ask me over and over to stop. I'd get better for a while, then I'd backslide and make him feel like shit in a group setting again--but hey! everyone laughed at my ~*~*just oh so hilarious comment*~*~ and so that makes it fine right?? Obviously, not, and the older I got the more I started to FINALLY see "mean" as mean and not "telling it like it is" or being a core part of my humor.

How I REALLY know that this toxic coping mechanism I used to my benefit was a thinly veiled defense mechanism style behavior to cloud my deep deep deep self loathing is because when I'd be talking w/ my partner about his very reasonable and normal request that I not say unnecessarily cruel things about him for fun in front of others, I would be afraid of things like, "But that's part of who I am? It's my humor."

I really thought so lowly of myself that I believed that if I wasn't witty-mean, people wouldn't love me. That I wouldn't still be funny. That I wouldn't be ME unless I was being MEAN. It was so backwards and upside down because my meanness did make me harder to be around, and people were right there loving me anyway, not because of it, but despite it.

It's so sad to realize this! Looking back and describing this girl now feels in both parts foreign to me and also like looking in a mirror. I've been in 20 years of some form or another of "recovery" from this kind of childhood now, and I'm about 15 years into true healing and re-parenting myself. Almost 14 years ago, I made the biggest shift toward killing this old mentality...I moved away from my home town and the people I spent my days around to that point. I had an opportunity for a hard reset in my social life and behaviors, leaving behind old reputations that didn't serve me. And I’m still me. I’m spicy and I’m real and I’m blunt and I’m funny but I’m not cruel or mean anymore. The old me sometimes still rears her ugly head, especially when I'm tired, stress, or dysregulated. But it's less "how I am" now than ever in my life.

As I've been thinking about this whole topic for quite a few weeks now, and I tried to articulate what I did that really changed me and allowed me to shed that mean girl shell of armor I was wearing that I had so thoroughly needed to outgrow. If these things resonate with you, I do have some pieces of advice.

Speak from your personal values 100% of the time. That means defining your personal values first, not just accepting what you think is valuable you've been told by others. Once I grew the maturity to understand I needed my own life values, it was very simple to grasp that I was not in line with them. My top 5 personal life values are: love, equity, humor, loyalty, and open communication. Mean jokes don't check many of those boxes.

Become your own best friend first. My behaviors were driven by self-hatred I did not choose. When I choose how I want to feel about myself, I choose self-compassion, and I actively cultivate this mentality and practice all. the. time so that I don't backslide.

Stop "telling it like it is." This is not helpful. No one needs something obvious and cruel pointed out. This is basic "THINK" acronym stuff. It's a classic because it works. Is what you're about to say.... "true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, kind." Telling it like it is is only TRUE, it's rarely -HINK.

Never "just joke" about something someone could possibly be vulnerable about. If someone has a physical wound, you don't jab your finger into it for fun. When someone has an emotional tenderness, you similarly don't jab a mean comment into it. When in doubt, just don't joke about it.

Have actual hard conversations and "call outs" in the right times/spaces. Sometimes behavior that one friend may call "mean" is actually a very necessary hard conversation to the other person. So it's helpful to just remember that those kind of real-deal communications are rarely done effectively or productively with an audience or by using humor. Real shit deserves a real shit tone.

Push yourself to say the nicest stuff and just be fucking sincere and genuine. Tell your friends you love them. Tell your friends when you are obsessed with what they are achieving/doing/saying. Tell your friends WHAT you love about them. Make an effort for your most important relationships to have far, far more "positive bids" than negative.

Use "teasing" or "self deprecating" humor selectively and strategically. Sometimes, my partner and I DO tease each other by having open communication and actually knowing one another's boundaries, I now understand what's fine and what's not. So I can proceed w/o hurting him. But I don't know most people to that level, so I'm not going to try to tease someone else in front of others w/o that knowledge anymore. Self deprecating humor has also been a go-to for me in the past and one of the people I could be meanest to was myself. I realized I should use it sparingly with people who I don't know well, too, because I don't necessarily need to give them a cheat sheet to what my baggage is. And lastly, in general, I think that we should ALL be very very careful to spare strangers our sarcasm, deadpan comments, or whatever. Many folks are neurodiverse or otherwise don't get your sarcasm and your implications can be lost in translation. You never know what topics, with strangers, might be a hornet's nest you stumble into.

PFEW! Ok, I think that's plenty for now! If you've got similar tips or thoughts, LMK! Of course, I still fuck up my practice of not being mean all the time, but the best thing about having done this work and shared it with those around me is that my friends are much more like to say something like, "OW! Was that your dad talking for a sec?" and help me than to just go on assuming I'm an asshole. 😆

[jjwantsme]

vanilla cherry bomb

s.h

pairing: steve harrington x girlfriend!reader

summary: in which he gets addicted to her taste

warnings: kissing obv, nsfw references, this is set during summer of ‘85 but before they found out about the russians, SCOOPS AHOY STEEB WHO CHEERED, way too much fluff,, lmk if i missed anything:)<3

authors note: i adore this sm. Let me know if you want a part two of when stuff starts going down. I love steves uniform :,)

masterlist

“Ahoy, my lady! Would you like to set sail on this ocean of flavor with me? I’ll be your captain, my name is robin. What can i get you?” Robin exclaimed, grinning at the familiar-faced girl in front of her.

“I know who you are, robin,” Y/n giggled. She had grown fond of Robin from the few weeks of her working with steve. “Is steve here yet?”

“Yeah, yeah, he’s around back,” Robin clarified, nodding her heads towards the door that led back there. “Thanks!” Y/n chirped and started heading that way, not wanting to distract robin from her real customers.

“You back here, lover boy?” Y/n called out as she closed the door behind her, though it wasn’t long before she could feel steve kissing all around her face.

“What are you doing here? I thought you said you were going out with Camila,” Steve furrowed his eyebrows but kept the smile on his face, cupping hers with both of his hands.

“Called me, said she was sick,” y/n let out a giggle when she felt steve drop more than a few kisses onto her forehead, “so i thought i’d come visit my steve.”

"𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 steve, huh?”

“Yup! My steve.” Y/n grinned, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the little wooden table he was previously sitting at.

“I’m glad you came, actually, because i have a little surprise for you,” steve smirked, pulling out her chair before sitting down.

“A surprise, hm?” Y/n giggled, resting her chin on the palm of her hand.

Steve grinned and pulled out two pieces of paper that y/n couldn’t quite read. She looked closer and saw…oh my god, no way!

“Stevie!” She gasped, sitting up to grab the tickets and examine them, “You got tickets to ‘Tears For Fears’?!”

“They’re your favorite artist, i had to get them for you,” he chuckled.

“Oh my god, stevie, thank you!” Y/n squeled, giving him a tight hug before pulling away to plant a kiss on his lips.

Y/n and steve had only been dating for 2 months, and it was pure bliss. Steve knew that they were still in the ‘honeymoon’ phase, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t care when she was the best thing that ever happened to him.

When they met, he never imagined them getting this far. She was definitely out of his league, in his opinion. She didn’t come from much, growing up poor in East Hawkins, but she was still the most positive person he had ever met. She knew how to light up a room without even trying.

A part of steve didn’t want to date her because of how chaotic his life was. Even apart from alternate dimensions and creepy monsters, he had two snobby parents to worry about, and he didn’t know if he would be able to protect her purity from all of it.

If it wasn’t for Eleven closing the gate last year, he definitely wouldn’t have risked it. (Boy, is he in for a treat!)

But, the last two months have been even better than he imagined, and he didn’t regret the tiniest bit of it.

Steve pulled away from the kiss with wide eyes, “holy, shit,”

He went back in for another one, making y/n laugh but furrow her eyebrows and pull away, “what is it?”

“Your lips,” he paused to peck them, “taste so good.”

Y/n laughed and shook her head, “Ah, my lips, huh?”

Steve nodded and leaned in to kiss her again, putting his hand around her neck softly as his lips synced with hers.

Physical affection had always been a big thing in their relationship, but kissing especially.

Y/n swore steve kissed more than he talked.

She loved it, though, it reminds her that he truly does find her beautiful, and unlike most people, he still invested in her personality as well.

On their one month anniversary, he took her virginity and let her read her favorite book to him moments after, whispering sweet-nothings in her ear.

Saying how much he adores her, how perfect she is, and how much he loves listening to her read romance.

What a guy, am i right?

“Steve, stevie,” y/n breathed, pulling away as steve kept hissing down her cheek onto her neck, “you know you’ve got to get back to work, can’t leave robin like that,”

“Just one more minute,” he mumbled against her neck.

“Stevie.” Y/n spoke sternly, although it was still adorable in steve’s eyes.

He groaned and pulled away from her neck, pouting a little. Although his pout turned into a smile when she ran her fingers through his hair.

“I gotta go, anyways, I promised my mom that I’d watch my sister today.”

Ah, angela. Steve’s self-proclaimed best friend.

“Tell them i said hi, yeah?” He proposed, smiling and kissing her head when she nodded.

“Alright,” she pecked his lips, “bye, baby.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” steve stopped her from walking away by swooping an arm around her waist.

“Yeah?”

“What chapstick flavor are you wearing?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Vanilla cherry bomb.” She tilted her head, “Why do you ask?”

“So that i can stock up on em.”

[souryogurt64]

I just went on a first date with this boy who went to college near where I did and I got to hear all this drama because back then I hung out with these kids a few years older than me who ran the music org at the biggest state school and at the time I literally thought they hung the moon and wrote like poetry about them because they were just SO cool and they would all do stuff like smoke cigarettes outside of bars and crash the university van while on cocaine at SXSW and all played in the coolest band in iowa (lmfao) and they let me follow them around like a puppy because i interviewed real bands for radio at my shitty christian school 30mins away so they really believed i like was politically advantageous to their organization

and i remember one day i was eating in the dining hall at their table after going out drinking and i saw this girl who peed on my toothbrush in high school eating alone (bc it was iowa so no one ever left) and she was like speechless because it was me with the coolest kids in the state and i could even afford to attend that school and it was like my wattpad oppa gangnam style everyone clapped moment

and anyway I was in love love love with the drummer (the one that crashed the van while on cocaine of course because who else would i fall in love with) and one day during peak Covid after i got kicked out of the dorms and had to be an essential worker and he got fired from his big boy job in the music industry after like 2 months he told me he broke up with his girlfriend and he always did like me and I really believed him so and lost my virginity to him

and not gonna loe it was horrible and the worst pain I've ever felt in my life and I just remember whimpering on the mattress on the floor of the house all the coolest house shows were at but he was the only one living there now and i remeber and thinking about how big and empty the house was and how I was only twenty but theyd all graduated and all of that was over forever and college was over forever i would never ever see any of my classmates in person again or go to another house show or see any of my friends ever again and i had to grow up even if i was too young and i wasnt ready

and i remember him telling me to be quiet because the noises i was making were distracting him and then he FELL ASLEEP DURING because he was on all kinds of drugs which i was not aware of at the time because i was young and naive which is part of why they all hung out with me and then he kicked me out immediately after

and anyway they all never spoke to me again even the girls because turns out he did still have a girlfriend and i was just stupid enough to believe him and why wouldnt i because i'd never met her before and figured she moved away after they all graduated anyway

and anyway tonight i got to hear the entire other half of the drama from this random guy off a dating app who was living with his girlfriend at the time

and it's funny because this stuff used to be the biggest thing in my life and what my world revolved around but now that's all like so, so small and insignificant now and i know how pathetic all of those kids were and i just looked him up on linkedin and he's still unemployed and the girl who fronted that band is still living in iowa working part time at the arts center there and like i'm sorry i know life isnt a competition but i am not doing that i am in chicago. where he could make it. peace out

[pralinesims]

Uhm, hi. Hello?

First of all, I am sorry for worrying some of you guys so much. I truly can't express how grateful I am to everyone sending me messages, trying to get in touch with me, supporting me, etc... I read all of your messages, I will try to reply to them piece by piece. I am so sorry that I can't do that immediately, but currently I am not in the capacity for that. Please forgive me, and know that your words reached my heart, I seriously mean it.

How should I start? Recent months were... Rough. Damn rough. Mentally, I've been the lowest I've ever been in my life. Even lower than usual. Bottom-pit low. It's uncomfortable talking about it, but it was... hazardous, if you understand. Won't say more about it. Around christmas holidays, my depression started getting more extreme. Main catalysts were probably the feelings of abandonment, issues with myself, loneliness + social disappointments, family deaths that happened, experienced sicknesses, world events, etc. All this stuff kept piling up with time, bad things never seemed to end, day by day I felt more awful and wanted to disappear. I also deleted all social media from my phone, plus I changed my phone number. I just was sick of everything.

After a few months of feeling like shit, I thought I would get a little bit better. Nope. Covid had to strike 2 of my immediate family members, and me. Worsening my mental health again, plus physical health after thinking I maybe recovered a bit. This put a real blow to my mental health once more, after desperately attempting for years to not catch it. And it still got me, while being 99% only at home. FML.

That virus lasted 3 around weeks, it was horrid. Had all kinds of different symptoms in a limbo, when thinking it would get better, it got worse again. Coughed like a madman, and still do. Some symptoms don't seem to disappear yet, even after testing negative for weeks now. My asthma got worse aswell, breathing is way harder and I get dizzy real fast.

I still don't feel good mentally at this moment, but at least not as severe, and a bit better to allow myself to go online a bit and interact here a little. Baby steps, right? I can't promise I will be online now all the time, but it's been first for me now since a few months. I realize I have to adjust to this again. Feels nice, and a bit scary too if I'm being honest. Kinda unfamiliar to do social stuff again. I really missed being here, but not being online also felt good. It was what I needed, everything else would have overwhelmed me.

Not everything was completely negative though, during my abstinence, I got into some new interests while trying to stay sane and keep myself distracted & occupied (or you could say, reawakened some old hobbies): I've really gotten into fragrances, baking, collecting dolls, decorating with flowers, and drinking tea. Yes, me. Some might remember my rants about tea tasting like warm water. During covid, after losing my taste and smell senses, I learned to appreciate softer taste profiles. I'm consuming almost every day something that contains tea leaves. Call that growth.

Anyways, thank you for reading this. I don't know how to end this, and this text just doesn't need to be longer. I'm so happy for you having interest in me as a person, and not only as a CC creator and Sims player. Much love to you 🤍

[nattikay]

I'd like to hear 3 from you, I bet it's some cute Sully family stuff

3.) An off-screen scene you wanted to see?

YA DARN RIGHT IT’S SOME CUTE SULLY FAMILY STUFF, IT’S ALLLLL THE CUTE SULLY FAMILY STUFF BABEYYYY

For real though, I would’ve adored to see more of this. Especially when the kids were very young. Consider, for example:

Jake constantly carrying his baby(s) around to all his olo’eyktan duties.

Neytiri telling them all the traditional Omatikaya stories and singing them songs (according to the visual dictionary one of the earliest beads on Neteyam’s songcord represents the first lullaby he remembers being sung to him like excuse me??! 😭)

Mo’at recognizing Kiri’s inherent connection to Eywa and kinda taking her under her wing

Little Kiri going around nonchalantly befriending all the animals like a big blue Disney princess…to the point that she gets her ikran wayyyy earlier than usual just by asking it to be her friend (that part’s canon lol)

Jake’s own Na’vi language skills improving exponentially as his kids start learning to talk

The general mix of wholesome and chaos as Jake and Neytiri learn to be parents for the first time and all the stuff that comes with that, especially given how quickly they had their first three, them going around trying to wrangle their little toddler army…but despite the chaos they just love each other and their kids so much, the RDA is gone and the clans are at peace and they’re just so happy right now and wouldn’t have it any other way—

like bruh give me three hours of that and I won’t even have a heart anymore because it will have all melted in to a great big puddle of sugar-coated sap on the floor 😭😭😭 we got very brief little snippets of it at the start of the movie and it was wonderful but gosh dangit I want mooooooooore aahhhhhh

oh, here’s a more specific silly scene that I was discussing with @barking-in-the-dark recently:

So imagine that Jake and Neytiri need a babysitter for Neteyam and Kiri when Lo’ak is ready to be born. Mo’at can’t do it since she is of course assisting with the birth, and Jake’s next thought was OH! NORM AND MAX!

So now human!Norm and Max are stuck with a pair of comically oversized not-quite-toddlers for a few hours 

Norm quickly gives up and leaves for about 10 minutes to link up with his avatar. Max swears those were the most chaotic (non-war-related) 10 minutes of his life.

Neteyam is already walking at this point and he wants to be everywhere. Kiri isn’t yet (I headcanon that Neteyam started walking significantly earlier than Kiri did even though they are probably less than a month apart in age, partly because he is described as a natural athlete and “golden child” and partly because Kiri is just too easily distracted by her surroundings to think much about walking)—anyways, Kiri can’t walk just yet but boy howdy can she crawl and if you take your eyes off of her too long she will disappear, she practically needs a balloon tied around her waist so her caretakers can keep track of her

Spider, currently around 2 years old, also happens to be in the lab at the time and that kid can climb

so poor Max is now having to chase after Neteyam (who may only be year old but Na’vi as a species are big so he already comes up to Max’s torso), stop Spider from getting into all the equipment that should be way out of his reach but isn’t because he moves like a monkey, AND keep a constant eye on Kiri so she doesn’t wander off and vanish chasing some stray insect or something 

It gets a lot better when Norm returns in his avatar, but those 10 minutes were rough lol

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Made it through another weekend without drinking, I know 5 weeks doesn't seem like a lot but it's the longest I've gone in at least 14 years, the longest by far if you don't count one month in 2013. And there was nothing actually stopping me this weekend, my roommate was out of town coaching provincial all weekend and I had the place to myself and nothing to do. Closest I had to accountability was I told Tumblr I'm trying not to drink, and no one on Tumblr will know if I lie, but I'll know I'm lying, and then I won't be able to enjoy it. Which is pretty much why I'm posting this on Tumblr, using this website to intentionally ruin my own ability to enjoy stuff for another week because I don't trust my willpower otherwise.

I got through the weekend and didn't drink any alcohol. I organized my folder of comedy recordings, which was probably fine. I then got pretty deep into organizing and adding to my various folders of clips from comedy recordings, and I would say those collections are at this point pathologically organized. Like. It’s the sort of thing where I'd normally post screenshots but I'm not going to because if I showed anyone my Chocolate Milk Gang clip folders I'd be reported for being the guy from A Beautiful Mind (unfortunately without the genius element). But I've cut out a lot of comedy clips from various sources and organized them into many categories and I didn't drink any alcohol.

That Robins and James radio show really was the right choice. I didn't plan to try to stop drinking when I started listening to it, it's a coincidence that I picked something good for that. I've said a few times that it's helping and have also said "obvious I know that listening to people I don't know talk on the radio 8 years ago should not be what I rely on for something important like this, I have other things." But this weekend sucked and I am getting close to the point of saying "no, actually it's pretty much just that, I avoided picking up a drink this weekend by thinking if I'm drinking when John Robins releases Howl in a couple if months I'll hate myself too much to enjoy it, so don't do that, just listen to the nice people on the radio talk about how it is possible to hate everything and really like alcohol but still, like seven years after the point I'm at in the radio show, choose to give it up." Is this a sustainable source for motivation to not drink? It doesn't seem ideal but I guess we'll find out. I got way too deep into organizing comedy clips this weekend.

I know that what you're actually supposed to do is find real life things that are so good they make you not think about alcohol. I went to a comedy club night last week, watched five male comedians in a row tell jokes where every single one had at least a bit of material that ranged from mildly dicey to really fucked up on the sexism and racism fronts, then I had a panic attack due to being surrounded by so many people and left early. I don't want to try to go back to coaching until the season ends because mid-season is an awkward time to try to fit back in, and anyway, that place is hardly the liberal bubble that I seek. I did see an excellent concert last week but Garnet Rogers doesn't come to town every week. As far as distractions go, I think I might be left with the nice angry man on the radio and pathologically organized comedy collections.

I heard a recent episode where Elis said to John, pretty much out of the blue without much context, "You know, if you told me to jump off a cliff I think I'd do it." And I thought, yeah I see what he means, he does sort of have that effect on people. That abrasive personality that's held him back in showbusiness must be very abrasive, for him to not be more commercially successful despite a knack for saying stuff that you just want to listen to (I mean, not that he's doing commercially badly or anything, he's got a big successful tour and a Taskmaster spot, but it took a while to get there). It's a good thing that this parasocial power is, in my case, mainly used for reminding me "look, he loved drinking as much as this and also had, you know, the darkness of Robins but still quit, so I can do that too", rather than getting people to jump off cliffs.

[femmesandhoney]

If it's not too intrusive can I ask how you deal w your pmdd ?

I dont have it but my PMS is fucking brutal I was depressed fucking felt like paralyzed in bed due to anxiety, didnt go to classes,then like a few days later i got my period and then everything made sense.

But i just cant like lose a week of my life like this every month. How do you deal with it?

i went on birth control for it but got off of it after a year bc i decided i disliked the effects of birth control, but that did help my symptoms tons and i wouldn't lie to anyone who wanted to go on it bc it did help me, i made a choice to get off of it unrelated to my pmdd.

managing symptoms can be difficult, often my first "response" is to recognize when my emotions are being affected by my pmdd. usually i can tell pretty quickly bc one day i'll walk up and everything makes me rage at the drop of a hat and then get very sad or agitated just as quick, my emotional regulation just being absolutely dogshit to concern anyone around me if they happen to be on the receiving end of my aggression or if they could jump inside my head and see how it was playing out. after so many years knowing i have pmdd, im able to recognize how a lot of that emotional instability isn't "me" and that im being affected by an "outside" force (oncoming period and hormones dropping). i usually do my best to stay mindful of my reactions then and try and do stuff that calms me down and gets my mind away from what had ruptured my emotional state. usually this occurs right in the morning when i get up, so its a fairly quick light bulb moment for me.

and im definitely used to like a shit ton of negative self talk that over the years ive gotten a better hand on, so when those real lows come around, im much better at talking myself out of those low states, but my pmdd doesn't manifest as strongly or too long with huge depressive states. usually, i just try to find other things to distract me when i feel that low, like chatting with friends, family, watching a movie, going on a walk, eating good food, no matter how small can help shift my mood to a more positive direction. when we're down, our brains are really good at thinking about other sad shit, bc our brain sucks like that, so getting ahead of that curve and trying to intentionally distract yourself with better things can generally help. but again, do not feel bad if that doesn't work for you, bc long depressive states aren't what i normally deal with and my advice is general here.

in terms of anxiety and similar emotions, i feel you deeply there. i manage that similar to how i manage any form of anxiety, which is just to do whatever it is that my anxiety thinks i cannot do, as thats the quickest way to rewrite that pathway in ur brain. it can seem very daunting, but it really does help and you can take baby steps all the while. and usually i end up feeling better after i go to whatever it was i was terrified to go to, which when we're feeling terrible af can sometimes make our day a bit better.

i would also say, sometimes i don't do anything during my pmdd time either bc it really does feel like shit even when ive tried combating it and being mindful of myself, some days really do just suck and i wanna lay in bed and hermit away. i don't think you should beat yourself up about that if some months that happens. its gonna happen again even after we have some successes, pmdd can be very unpredictable and sometimes our environment and our day to day lives just affect it even more and cause some months to be worse than others, and that doesn't mean you're lazy or not trying hard enough or anything like that.

[zeydaan-isabella]

A Quick Recap - Zeydaan

Short story by AxiomTF All right people, let's start at the beginning one last time.  My name is Gwen Stacy. I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and for the last two months, I've been the one and only Spider-Woman. I doubt that you would know the rest, though; I’ve still been finding my footing, both metaphorically and literally. These new human feet have been pretty hard to get used to… but I’m getting ahead of myself here - lemme rewind a little. It had been just another day back in Mailor, with me and the Hawkmoths going dimension hopping, exploring unknown worlds - y’know, pretty average everyday stuff. It’d been a kinda slow period, honestly. Though one night when I was by my lonesome in my bedroom, something really weird happened… and weird stuff happened to me quite a lot, but this was, like, really weird. Above my bed, a glowing portal opened up, splitting realty itself before I found myself getting sucked inside of it, and whisked away into a space in-between worlds. It felt as if I was in a tornado - getting whipped and dragged across spacetime as if I were a ragdoll being thrashed by a particularly boisterous child. Thankfully, before long I was spat out of that bizarre place, and onto a derelict subway station floor. The place was deserted with no sign of life around me beyond a few rats running in-between crevices in the old concrete, graffiti-covered walls there. As I got to my feet, a searing pain shot through my body. Glancing down, I caught sight of a large arachnid sinking its fangs into my skin, pumping me full of its viscous venom before I had the chance to swat it away. The next few days are all a bit of a blur in my mind… wandering into the streets, I was met with horrified screams as this seemingly human-only society had never seen a being such as myself before. I ran away, returning to the disused tunnels to take sanctuary there. I lingered in the darkness for some time… changing… shifting… developing into something new. I remember my skin shifting, as my fur began shedding away, littering itself all over the cold metro tracks. I remember my body becoming more slender, as I started to feel so agile and strong; new blood was coursing through my now human veins. I also recall my hair growing long and blonde… my snout got squished down and parted into a human nose and mouth, and that was all before I made this suit. My suit. I can remember it clearly - deep in the underbelly of New York City’s metro system, where I put the first iteration of my suit together. Sure, it certainly looked… amateur, though it was functional, and that was enough for me. I also remembered how to make some rudimentary web shooters - I’d made some a while ago for fun, though now I’d have to put them to the test for real. Since leaving the underground I’ve made a few new versions, of course, though I’ve always stuck with that same basic design. Also, I just had to keep those Converse sneakers incorporated into the design. I mean, wouldn’t you wanna do that as well? They’re so comfy… When I left the subway system, I had been reborn, though I still had to hide myself from the public, even in my newly transformed state. I embraced this new identity. The sleek, figure-fitting costume… the hood that concealed my face… all of it just felt right to me, as I emerged from those dark, subterranean tunnels as a new woman - Spider-Woman, to be exact.  I wouldn’t be doing dimension hopping for a while, that was for sure; this dimension’s got more than enough issues for me to be dealing with. I’ve kept putting off trying to find a way back to my old home, plus my body’s changed enough to the point where my old uniform wasn't exactly fitting, nor really in keeping with the whole... spider-thing I’ve got going on now.  I won’t be doing friends, either - mostly just to avoid any distractions. I had them back in Mailor, though I don’t know when I’ll see them again. I do think about them though. Like, a lot actually. Though in my current situation, I’m only torturing myself by doing that… I’m sure I’ll see them again, eventually. For now, I have to put my full attention on my new life in The Big Apple - on my life as a masked vigilante. I was gonna go back and sort it out before it had an effect, but it's kinda hard to ignore your own instincts' This is what I do now - I save people.  Perched atop one of Manhattan's many towering skyscrapers, overlooking a city that never sleeps, I can't help but feel a profound connection to this place, in spite of me having only been here for a short while. This city has a heartbeat, a rhythm that resonates with mine… I’m sure that it’s just a side-effect of my transformation into Gwen, but who knows? Maybe I was made for this all along. I'm not just Gwen Stacy anymore; I'm the one and only Spider-Woman, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's an incredible feeling to swing through the city's artificial? concrete canyons… to see the city lights from a unique vantage point, knowing that I am the protector of this city - I’m the only one that stands between it, and oblivion. I've always been a bit of an outsider, and that radioactive spider bite only accentuated that uniqueness. But now, it's my power, my responsibility, and my privilege to keep New York safe. I face the threats that lurk in the shadows, never faltering, never giving in to fear…. the people of this city depend on me, and that trust is something I hold dear. The world has adapted to give me a role to fill, and before long there were new threats that needed a Spider-Woman to counter them. Of course, it can be hard at times - I’m not used to playing the role of a hero, and living in this foreign body only complicates things. All of this responsibility is a heavy weight on my shoulders, though I reckon I’ve been handling it pretty well overall, all things considered. I might be doing this alone, but I take solace in knowing that what I’m doing is really making a difference. With every swing, every leap, and every web I shoot, I know I'm working towards making New York a better place. This city, with all its complexities and challenges, is my home now, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep it and those I care about safe. That’s my silent promise to the city and the millions of other people who also call it their home. I'm not Zeydaan anymore, and I’m not just Gwen Stacy, either; I'm the one and only Spider-Woman, and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

[svturn-exe]

more re hc stuff ^_^ under cut bc i am just pasting in stuff i've already said on disc to a friend and some of this shit gets Long

👍wesker. has been conditioned to be impatient. if he wants something, he has to get it himself and can't wait for someone else to do it for him

william is way too anxious of a guy to make the first move, so wesker is the one who interrupts him mid sentence and goes I Want You apropos of nothing but hey, it works

if wesker wants someone to stop touching him, he has to Make them. and in the process that stops most people from Trying Him for a while. until the next idiot comes along

if wesker wants the experiments and mutilation to stop, he has to Kill the bastards responsible (perfectly reasonable, ngl. like actually)

and i imagine. killing marcus probably has wesker feeling good. great. amazing, even. like finally things are starting to maybe go well for him

and then having that blow up in his face when, for the first time, his award winning Go Getter attitude backfires badly, and he loses Everything in less than a month.

the remainer of stars want nothing to do with him - understandable, he did have to kill quite a few of them to make the (messy, rushed, impatient) plan work. but still failed in the end (so they sorta died for nothing)

chris wouldn't join him either, for reasons wesker doesn't understand (and won't for some time. his world view is a little skewed and his frame of reference is non existent)

and william is dead. because wesker couldn't wait to carry out the plan like they had discussed umbrella found out about their betrayal and now wesker is Alone

xx

👍claire joined the girl scouts bc she wanted to do wilderness shit, but got disappointed bc its mostly selling cookies. so she dressed up as a boy and used her brother's name to get into boyscouts and got every badge girlie is a survivalist and she goes hiking and camping frequently !!!

xx

👍thinking about ada and in-universe applications of the leon effect. spies, as in Real Life Spies, don't tend to have legal identities, and if they give you a name, chances are it's a fake one. so. headcanon time ada wong is not ada wong's birth name like, even without the trans headcanon. it's a name she came up with for the job wesker assigned her to do in raccoon city, in the event that she needs to give someone a name for whatever reason. and maybe she only really tells it to leon in the first place to get him to stop asking so many questions. give him the bare minimum to distract him from the more . Relevant. issues but then as this bright-eyed, stupidly trusting rookie tails her, even tells her off to being too calloused with kendo, and going as far as taking a Bullet for her. the way leon says that fake name starts to mean More . and it's as she's falling to her death that she realizes maybe ada isn't so fake of a name anymore. maybe she is ada wong and then some time after wesker plucks her from midair and they get out of the city she decides to say hey. i'm going by ada now

and ofc he pretends not to care, but he is curious about what happened to spark the change.

xx

👍the wallflowers - one headlight is a claida song specifically about like . leon made ada want a name. but claire makes her want to be a Person, instead of a half-real shadow of a human being that sheds everything about herself for every new job

ada goes into raccoon city that day as a half-real nobody with a mission, and emerges from its ashes as Someone

xx

👍thinkign abt aeon . their dynamic has a lot of potential either as a romantic ship or a burgeoning friendship

the delicate balance of tentative trust between them

ada, who was taught how to tell a near-perfect lie before she could do long division & has never wanted to - or had the opportunity to - hold onto something for very long. Permanent just hasn't been a Thing in her life since… ever

leon, who has been fucked over and betrayed more times than he can count. distrustful and wary but despite it all still tender-hearted. gets attached too quickly and too easily and all too desperate to see the best in people

smth abt. ada doing her best to try and regain leon's trust, and how to navigate life outside of being a spy. and leon having to relearn how to trust ada again, and not jump to the worst conclusion immediately and also they're t4t

[bnhamadenotborn]

How were Shin and Kaito going to start dating?

After their transition from bully and victim to actual competitive rivals to "nobody understands me like you do but I still don't like you" allies in first year, they eventually embark on a tentative friendship and actually start to get on pretty well. Shin catches a big dirty crush some time in second year, but it's in the midst of all the other awful stuff that's happening to him (his quirk is basically overexpressing itself and causing him all kinds of health problems and he's too scared to ask for help but he's also convinced he's going to go nuclear and either die or hurt a lot of people) and the last time he had a crush on a school friend and revealed his feelings, he got utterly rejected and it ended up destroying the only friendship he had at the time, and he doesn't want that happening again, so he keeps it all bottled up in a cocktail of denial, repression and self-deprecation. Kaito has absolutely no idea about any of this

Kaito doesn't even realise he likes boys (he's bisexual) until third year, and suddenly a lot of things he thinks about Shin make a lot more sense. But he also doesn't want to make a move, because he values Shin's friendship a lot (something he worked very hard to cultivate) and he knows that Shin is super focused on doing well at school and he doesn't want to be a distraction. He figures it's only a few more months until they graduate, and by then he'll know for sure if this is a proper crush or a fleeting thing, and if it is real then he'll tell Shin how he feels and see what happens

Of course it's never that simple, in the big finale showdown at the end of third year (the final season of the anime lol) Kaito almost dies of his injuries, and Shin almost dies using a fusion of his quirk and a healing quirk he got from a temporary injection to save his life. Once they've both recovered they get to finally talk about their feelings; it's clear they care about each other immensely but don't know if anything romantic would work. They agree to give it a try, and if it feels weird they're still friends. Five years later they get married lmao

[miwhotep]

The way he fell into water was enough for him to die, the body was lose and the head was down, also the room was too far from sea, but why was his room so plane?? No furniture, very simple bed and small?

Sherlock and William fell in a similar way and got out alive. They even fell from a MUCH bigger height.

They should be dead as well if Moriarty the Patriot would truly work by real life physical things instead of being a shounen manga. I didn't see ANYONE complaining about how impossible was their survival actually... and I'm here in this fandom since 2020, even if I only active for a few months.

I know Sherlock later gives an unclear explanation on how did they survive a normally unsurvivable situation...

...but I'm sure the writer can pull out some explanation for why Milverton is alive as well (also, we don't see which position he got into the water - same like Sherlock and William).

If he truly meant to be killed off, wouldn't it be easier to shot him in the head then his body burning with the house? This way Sherlock can get away from the consequences as well, why pull a mysterious death card what is also just too quick to end the character who got built up as the main villain?

And Sherlock and William had Billy to get them out of the water... and Milverton had Ruskin.

Who needed to use the same escape route as Milverton, jumping off the balcony to the sea if he wanted to get out of the almost-crashed house... and he could've found Milverton in the water - he also surely searched for him, the loyal assistant he is - and save him since it didn't pass too much time since the shot and even with the injuries he got, Milverton can survive if he gets treated in time (told by my doctor friend and relative).

And for his bedroom being the way it is? I'm neither Milverton or his house designer so I cannot tell why it's so plain - on the other hand, the curtain is the same fancy curtain which is used in his study and the room has a BALCONY so it's surely not a servant room.

But it's also needs to be noted that his study also has only just the necessities - desk, lamp, bookshelves, furniture for guests and the Pallas Athene bust from the Conan Doyle story.

So I would say Milverton's Brighton house design wasn't meant to be a show-off... and also, too much stuff would be distracting in the bedroom. People in the Victorian era also didn't live their daily life in their bedrooms, they just used it for sleeping.

Anyway, my list was a theory. Believe what you want and let me believe what I want.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

a while ago you answered and ask of mine with something that really resonated with me, abt your real self feeling like it was trapped in a glass cage. anyway im taking your ask box name literally. I used to live in a world full of magic and wonder, I think we all do when were young, and then alot of awful stuff happened, it took alot, a new traumatic tragedy every month. and now the magic is gone and it feels like it was never there and wont ever be there again. (1/2)

thankyou for returning to my askbox im glad what i said helped befofre, sorry it took a while to respond i been ~in a haze--- my glass case got fogged up so to speak🩶gosh i been thinking lately i need to do mushrooms for the first time ina few years. the past month was such a trauma overload its thrown a wrench in all my plans & the world feels completely different to me now, i can barely even be online anymore it all feels so hostile to my sense of whimsy.

basically the only thing thats been getting me thru this past 5 weeks is just, going outside. not necessarily walking just sitting, breathing in the fresh air, and looking closely at the trees. when i sit outside without any distraction its impossible for me to deny that the magic is alive, objectively it is always there it extends far beyond me or any personal problem i have, it is going to outlive me. it comforts me so much to inhale the outdoors its the coping mechanism i've returned to again & again since childhood. i love feeliing like im so small im just nothing. yea i feel like shrooms cld b really nice rn..

grief is hell but its necessary because it taught me how to enjoy whats good.... the cycle will always keep spinning & the warm feelings will always return. from being an old person who been thru it so many times i trust that now. have u ever met a greedy rich person before? they have everything handed to them so they've never learned what it means to appreciate life. they're never satisfied because they don't know true despair or loss. this is not all rich ppl some still have perspective but its a thing w some, we all kno its a thing. for me it really has served my soul to go through so much pain & lose all control. Now i see every peaceful silent "boring" moment as true bliss. i dont rly need anything anymore , imo that is how death transforms & elevates

ofc it dont happen over night and u really do have to let yourself cry it out. let yourself wallow , feel pity for yourself like you would feel pity for a child who came crying into your arms. comfort yourself, get it all out dont try to hide from it. slowly the tides will turn. things will begin to stand out to you, little beauties you never noticed before. the simple things..they mean so much more once u have experienced true terror. i pray very much for your heart to heal anon ❤️‍🩹 the whimsy will return to u i can tell by the way u want it for yourself & others. U can be a guide to them thru your actions. ilu im here for u just dont give up 🌷 pmd9