#and then i wanted a little store owner for funsies

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i made... a Mistake... i wanted to practice character design... how did i end up with four more WH ocs

[eustasskiddsprosthetic]

I'm working on a kidlaw thing now where Kidd's the owner of a fashion conglomerate called Victoria Punk. They met in the flagship store and they flirt, yadda yadda whatever—that's not important. What is though, is how I immediately thought of how the Ace and Sabo would get involved in the (luxury) fashion industry since they're my favs alongside Kidd. Here's my takes lmao

Ace would own a shoe store. He sells a pretty small but reliable and beautiful collection of leather shoes and boots. As an athlete and hitchhiker, he understands the need for footwear that's durable, comfortable and fashionable. Since his target demographic are fellow hitchhikers who do insane shit outdoors, his shoes are good quality. They will live through avalanches, snowstorms, cyclones, rocky mountains, swamps—whatever—and the most you'd need to do is replace the laces. Aesthetically-speaking, they're plain, but if you're into the look of sturdy leather that smells wonderful (like me), his stuff is perfect for you.

I say this because I'm currently imagining Ace helping Law try the shoes on like he would delicately slip them on Law's feet like a princess and tie his laces for him. He would look up at Law and smile when he sees that Law feels very comfortable in these shoes.

Gah! The intimacy!

For funsies, he makes Law try on those high, knee-length boots and gets very turned on because Law has legs for days. It's like a kink of his now and he gets esp turned on seeing that.

For Sabo, I can't decide between a watch shop or a (pawn) jewellery store. Either way, I want him to be very involved with people, as in he would sit there and admire little intricate things with his clients. He loves listening to what customers like and helping them find what they're looking for. Rather than for practical purposes like Ace, Sabo's more interested in sentimental values. He's not interested in just a pretty watch or a pretty ring— he wants to help clients find the perfect watch for their children to pass down to their grandchildren; he wants to help clients find the perfect engagement ring for their loved ones. He's into the storytelling aspect of luxury marketing.

If we're talking Sabolaw, then maybe Law walks into Sabo's little run down store one day and asks if Sabo could help fix an heirloom from Corazon. Sabo agrees for a small fee and from there they talk about the thing itself, and then onto what Sabo does, and then what Law does. Amongst this heart to heart, they look at each other and go. oh.

I enjoy this person very much. (edit: I wrote more on Sabolaw here)

[spookyboywhump]

More Eve!!!!! This is her coming home + her first major injury :3c From here it’ll probably stop being chronological whatever I post with her and instead spaced out whenever just for funsies

Word Count: 2,240

CW: pet whump, dehumanization, burning of the whumpee

***

The girl looked around her new home curiously, her hands clasped together behind her back. From the moment they walked through the doorway she was overwhelmed by how neat and pristine everything looked, like the modeled rooms of a furniture store. She didn’t want to risk touching anything, like she would somehow break or dirty something just by putting her hands on it.

The woman, who had explained her name was Natalia Fairfax, but she could only refer to her as Miss, or Miss Fairfax, led her from room to room, a living room with a large television mounted on the wall, a well stocked kitchen and adjoining dining room, an office with bookshelves full of more books than she’d ever seen outside a store or library. Upstairs was Natalia’s bedroom, the guest bedrooms, and the guest bathroom. They were about to walk back downstairs when she finally spoke up, her voice soft and timid.

“Uh- um, Miss Fairfax…?” She asked hesitantly.

“Yes, what is it?” She paused with her hand on the staircase railing.

“Which room will be mine? I-I just want to make sure I ask before it gets too late-“

“Room? You think that pets get rooms?” There was that hint of a smile again, she was amused by what she thought was a simple question. “No, I’m sorry to say that I don’t spoil my pets. Bedrooms are for people, come with me downstairs and I’ll show you where you will sleep.” She told her.

“Yes ma’am…” She followed her back downstairs, being mindful to hide her disappointment. She knew that not all owners were as kind of generous as others, but it still hurt a little, she’d been so hopeful about sleeping in a real bed after so long on a concrete floor or uncomfortable cot.

In the kitchen there was another door aside from the one that led to the pantry, she hadn’t questioned it the first time they went through there. Natalia opened it up and turned a light on, leading her down another flight of stairs into the basement. Each step down made her more and more nervous, she’d always hated going down into the basement as a child, there were always spiders in the house she grew up in, and before she’d been bought she’d heard so many horror stories about owners with whole torture rooms in their basements, not unlike the training rooms she hated so much.

As they actually entered the main part of the basement, she saw it wasn’t nearly as bad as she’d been expecting, nothing special but clean, no weapons of torture in sight, just a nice washer and dryer, some racks containing extra household items and cleaning supplies, what looked like a closet for extra space, and some storage containers stacked up against the wall. She let out a sigh of relief, she almost felt silly for being so afraid.

“I hope you know how to do laundry, you’ll be responsible for all of it now as part of your chores.” Natalia said, and she nodded quickly.

“Yes ma’am, I can do that.” She assured her.

“Good, and you’ll be sleeping in there.” She said, gesturing to the closet door. “I’ve already left some things you’ll need in there, but I’ll have to do something about getting you more clothes and properly fitting shoes.” She said, looking her over, it felt like she was scrutinizing every aspect of her appearance. “You can take a look and take some time to rest if you need to, come find me upstairs when you’re ready.” She told her, and she nodded again. She watched her go back upstairs, waiting until she heard the door at the top shut before she finally relaxed. Natalia put her on edge, she was very cold and her eyes were intense no matter how she looked at her, she felt like one wrong move would get her in big trouble.

Now that she was alone, she went to check out what was supposed to be where she slept. It looked like a closet that had been cleaned out just for her, it was big enough to walk into, probably big enough to comfortably lay down in, but rather narrow. The shelves were almost empty, aside from some folded up blankets, a pillow, and a digital alarm clock.

She looked around the basement a little bit longer, getting herself familiar with another part of the house she’d be working in. Finally, she went back upstairs where she found Natalia in her office. She looked up from her laptop when she entered the room, giving her a disapproving look.

“You’ll want to knock before entering a room unless I’ve called you inside from now on. Go ahead and come here though.” She said, pushing her chair back from her desk. Nervously, she walked over to her, and after Natalia gestured to the floor, she dropped to her knees. “I need to get you a new collar, which means you’ll get a name tag with it. I’ve been thinking about the name Eve for you.” She told her.

“Eve…?”

“Yes. It’s short, but I think it’ll fit you nicely. I expect you to respond immediately when I call your name, do you understand?” She’d been anxious about what Natalia may choose to name her, she’d heard of all kinds of demeaning and humiliating names pets had gotten stuck with, but Eve… she thought it was pretty, she felt lucky even.

“Yes ma’am.” Eve told her, accepting her new name without complaint. She wouldn’t say she had no attachment to her actual name, but she’d happily take this over anything insulting.

“Good girl.” Natalia smiled at her. “As long as you obey me and do your job here well, then you should be fine. I intend to keep you only as long as you’re useful, but you seem like you’ll last a while.” Eve chose to take that as a compliment, she wanted to last a while, forever even. After all, she didn’t want to find out what Natalia did with pets that were no longer useful.

***

Eve settled down n and tried to adapt to the rules here quickly. She learned the hard way the first morning he woke up in the house that Natalia would allow her to learn to cook, but that she should learn quickly as she wouldn’t be allowed to eat anything she hadn’t prepared. Natalia had put instructions for making breakfast on the counter and told her to start learning or go hungry, and sadly, she was not a natural in the kitchen. For the first few weeks her diet consisted primarily of burnt toast and overcooked eggs, most of the other food she messed up wasn’t even edible.

The rest of the chores were easy, but exhausting on a nearly empty stomach. She cleaned her mistakes in the kitchen multiple times a day and tended to the upkeep of every single other room in the house. She felt like she was cleaning before the mess could even be created, but she supposed this was just what was necessary to keep a home like this looking as picture perfect as it was.

She didn’t think it would be hard, only Natalia lived there after all, but with the amount of things that needed to be done every single day, she hardly had a moment to herself until she was allowed to go to bed. That alarm clock would go off at five thirty every morning, when she would have to get up and start everything over again.

After nearly two months there, her skills with breakfast had improved immensely, she could make a variety of things now and she felt more confident in her abilities there, but dinner was causing her to struggle. She was always overwhelmed, there were always so many things to do at once and it never came out right. She’d usually end up going to bed hungry after Natalia scolded her for messing up again.

She’d been punished for some of the most ruined meals, made to kneel on dry rice for two hours after she mistakenly burnt the rice for dinner, salt rubbed into preexisting cuts and scrapes when she seriously over salted one meal, she never resisted the punishments and as she cried, Natalia would tell her she would know better next time now, she wouldn’t have to repeat this, and she’d keep those punishments in the back of her mind whenever she went to start preparing another meal.

The worst of it came late one evening. She’d fallen behind on her chores so dinner was running late, and though Eve was doing her best, she was in a hurry and things were not going well. The chicken she’d been cooking in one pan had clearly burnt and there was no going back from that and the water she was trying to boil for pasta seemed like it would never reach a boiling point. She kept stirring the sauce in the pot on a back burner, anxiously biting her lip as she knew there was no way in which this could end well for her. She froze as she heard footsteps entering the room, Natalia approaching her.

“Again, Eve?” She asked, sounded exasperated.

“I-I’m sorry ma’am, I’m sorry, I was trying but there was just-“

“I don’t want to hear your excuses!” She snapped at her. She shoved her away from the stove, looking over the damage she’d done this time. “I feel I’ve been more than patient with you and yet you continue to fuck up completely simple tasks, I’m starting to wonder if you’re even worth keeping around!” The comment felt like a punch to the gut, Eve’s heart pounded in her chest, sweat pricked at the back of her neck and suddenly the spacious kitchen felt much smaller, much hotter, she thought she was going to be sick.

“N-no!” She blurted out. “No, please, I promise I’ll do better, please punish me, give- give me more time, I’ll do better!” She insisted, tears welling up in her eyes. She didn’t know what would happen to her if Natalia decided she wasn’t worth keeping around, she didn’t know if they’d take her back and let her work again or if they’d finally just put her down and get it over with. Natalia just looked even angrier with her, her hand wrapped around the handle of the pot of hot water.

“You do not tell me no.” She said through gritted teeth. Eve took a step back, she knew she was in danger, she hadn’t seen Natalia this angry before.

“I’m sorry…” She whimpered. Apologies meant nothing to Natalia though, and she knew that, it had never helped her before, but Natalia’s punishments were always strategic and thought out. She didn’t take even a second to think about this, she lifted the pot from the stove in one quick movement and splashed the hot water onto her, eliciting a shriek from Eve as she instinctively turned away to protect herself.

She didn’t throw the whole pot of near boiling water on her, but it was certainly enough, and she’d only managed to protect her chest and stomach from getting the worst of it. The right side of her body was still soaked, searing pain from her shoulder all the way down her leg, she could feel it in her ribs, her shorts wet and sticking to her thigh, she desperately shook water off her arm as she cried, stumbling towards the sink for cold water.

“H-hot, it’s really hot, please- please help me, I’m sorry ma’am, I’m sorry, please help!” She cried, trying to run cold water from the faucet over her arm but it just wasn’t enough, too much of her body felt like it was on fire for just the kitchen sink to help her, her legs were shaking and all she could think of was how badly she needed the pain to stop.

“Why should I? You brought this on yourself.” Natalia said, glaring at her.

“Please!” She sobbed, collapsing against the counter, barely managing to hold herself up by gripping onto the edge. After a moment Natalia sighed heavily, she stormed over and opened a drawer next to the sink to get a hand towel before shutting the water off. She used the towel to dry off the remaining water on her, she was so rough in doing so it caused Eve to start screaming again.

“Quiet! I’m trying to help you but I won’t if you’re going to keep shrieking in my ear!” She hissed, and Eve bit down on her lip, whimpering pitifully as she tried to keep quiet. Natalia took her arm in her hand, looking over the damage done with a scowl on her face. “I think you’re going to need to see someone for this.”

“Like… Like a doctor…?” She asked.

“Yes, a doctor.” She said it like Eve was stupid. “Not the kind you’re used to I’m sure.” Eve didn’t know what she meant by that, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to find out.

She assumed if she was going to see a doctor, she’d be given treatment, even time to recover. She was already praying that it wouldn’t take too long, Natalia was being gracious enough to get her seen at all, she just hoped she intended to keep her afterwards.

[girlgrouptrash101]

Yuri (IZ*ONE) as Your Girlfriend

Request: “Can I request Jo Yuri as your girlfriend?”

A/N: i love iz*one sm i might just cry rn

- C

i hope you enjoy clinginess baby,,, cuz this girl is NEVER letting you leave her arms for as long as you’re together

like Yuri barely even confessed to you, she basically just sat in your lap every day until you got the hint and asked her out

your lap is actually her favourite place to sit because she loves being held by you, and she can also steal as many kisses as she desires

did i mention how clingy she is??? like she just loves skinship SO much, if she can be touching you in some way she will be - from hand holding, to cuddles, to burrowing into your side, to being held, to backhugs… anything you can think of, Yuri will be on it asap

which means she’s also a big fan of PDA, and loves showing you off, no matter who’s around

however,,, if you turn the tables and become clingy or super lovey dovey, she gets so flustered immediately and hides her face in your neck to cover her blush

like she could kiss you and it’ll be fine, but if you’re the one to initiate the kiss she’s a total mess, acting like it’s the first time she’s ever kissed you, all shy and uwuwuwuwu

and you will always have that affect on her, no matter if you’ve been dating for a week or a year, Yuri’s still gonna be just as whipped as she was from day 1

and she doesn’t even try to hide it either,,, her members tease her so bad for how in love she is with you jsdfhsfd,, rip Yuri 

her members otherwise are really supportive of you two, and are so happy that someone as kind and as loving as you fell for Yuri, because she really deserves someone like that to keep her happy and well looked after

except Yena,, when Yuri introduced you at first, she gave you a big long speech about how she would jump you if you ever even made Yuri cry <3 (i would too).

Dates with Yuri are usually going out for food, the movies, walks, the arcade etc,, anywhere you guys can spend time together and make memories together is all you really want,, it doesn’t matter too much about what you do as long as you have one another

however,, you do have a favourite spot to go to together, which is a little café near your house, and you both go in there so much that you’ve made friends with the owner, and she always saves your guys’ favourite booth in the corner for you when she knows you’re coming

you always sit in a little booth in a secluded part of the café where no one else really sits, it’s nice and snug, and Yuri gets to snuggle into your side and feed you treats without anyone else interrupting hehe

when you guys don’t go out, you have just as much fun at home

you bought Yuri a karaoke machine for her birthday,, and ever since you guys have been busting out grammy worthy performances that leave you and Yuri breathless and your neighbours ready to file ANOTHER noise complaint

lowkey matching your outfits when you go out and taking bomb pictures for Yuri’s immaculate instagram feed

polaroids of each other in the back of your phone cases,, literally you are just the softest couple ever istg

Yuri raiding your wardrobe and looking like the snuggliest little baby in your hoodies, sweater paws and all uwuuwu

she loves when you do each others hair!! whether it’s formally for a night out or just for funsies before bed, it’s one of her favourite things to do

plus you get to make Yuri wear pigtails and then gush for an hour over how FREAKING CUTE SHE IS

it’s also an excuse for her to play with your hair because she LOVES it sm,, she always finds herself absentmindedly threading her fingers through your hair when you’re cuddling or watching a movie or something

or gripping her fingers in your locks when she’s making out with you,,, straddling your lap and making you groan with each tug,,,,

moving on

whenever either one of you is upset, the other knows immediately, both of you are like an open book with one another

your go to comfort for one another is definitely cuddles

it’s so calming when you have your head on Yuri’s chest, one hand holding yours while the other holds you close to her as she listens to your worries and helps you through each one

Sometimes when Yuri can’t sleep, she wakes you up to go for a midnight stroll to the local convenience store for snacks

you two stroll down the quiet road in your matching oversized PJ’s, swinging your conjoined hands along as you sing disney songs at the top of your lungs

Going all out every single valentines day and anniversary because yall are in LOVE love and want to make the most of your special days together

which often means a candlelit dinner, a bed full of roses and a big bubbly bath for two hehe

Promise rings will probably come quicker than most relationships too, because even though you and Yuri haven’t been together for too long, you both know you’re perfect for each other, and neither of you plan on losing something as special as what you have together.

NSFW From Here:

a clingy baby in the streets, a clingy baby in the sheets am i right ladies

call her baby girl and she will literally melt in your arms,, any kind of praise just gets her wet beyond belief

and when she’s fucking you,, all you have to do is tell her how good she’s being and she’ll be spurred on even further, doing her everything to make you feel better than you ever have before

CEO of eye contact, even when her throat is raw from moaning your name as your head is buried between her thighs, her eyes never leave yours for a second

loves going to lingerie shops with you, it’s like a little kid in a candy shop when she sees all the pretty sets and colours that she can’t wait to try on,,,, 

which often leads to you and her getting way too steamy in the changing rooms

she absolutely LOVES doing it in public, the thrill of getting caught always adds to her pleasure by tenfold

,,,except for the fact that she’s so fucking loud she literally has to clamp down on your hand so she doesn’t scream out loud and get everyone’s attention yikes

she’s so innocent looking that she never attracts attention though, leading to her more often than not teasing you under the dinner table when you go out for food, an innocent smile on her face as you try not to squirm under her touch

when Yuri takes nudes it’s not just one picture and she’s done, she likes to have a full on photo shoot that involves mirrors, lighting, pretty outfits/lingerie,, all of which ends up getting texted to you when you least expect it

also LOVES thigh riding, she finds it so intimate and just can’t help herself when she sees you in shorts or when your legs are exposed,,,, she just has to straddle your leg and get herself off

as well as praise, Yuri also can’t help but get wetter whenever you call her pathetic or a slut,, it truly makes her desperate enough to beg you to fuck her against the nearest surface you can find

if you’re into it, Yuri isn’t against punishments either, especially spanking

she just turns into putty in your hands no matter what you do to her, always ready to obey your every word, absolutely whipped for you

an absolute sucker for aftercare, if you’re not cuddling with her or in the shower cleaning off together after sex then she gets really grumpy grrr

[all-things-mlqc]

What do you think Shaw's fairytale could have been, had he been included in the "Wonderland after Dark" event?

First and foremost, now that I’ve written my response, I went way over the top with this idea. Was originally going to just summarize this idea and maybe slap Shaw’s face on Disney’s “Robin Hood” fox as a shit edit for funsies yet here we are with a whole HC. Anywho, I hope you enjoy and feel free to comment what other fairytale stories you guys think Shaw would’ve been good for!

Honestly my first thought was Aladdin or Robin Hood. I’m trying to think what best goes with his personality and how you could twist those stories into something new like they have with the other boys. I honestly feel like Robin Hood fits his personality especially with his latest event where he basically pulls a Robin Hood move, stealing from an antique store that was trying to sell fakes for the price of authentic pieces. He “took care” of the owner and people who were involved with this shameless exchange and by took care I mean beat them to a pulp in the alley, stole the items, and even got the shop closed down. While he didn’t necessarily steal valuable items and distribute the wealth to others like what our known Robin Hood does, what he did still protected many people without them knowing. Shaw has that sly, fun way of living life and really does help others without their knowledge. Even if it’s in his own dumbass way which can be selfish at times, I think he could’ve had a pretty good Robin Hood story in this event.

Robin Hood Shaw

Here’s your shit edit that took a total of 4.6 minutes to make

I imagine it would’ve gone something like this:

Shaw as Robin Hood would never settle in one place for too long. He enjoys adventuring around and would often be found visiting many different villages.

There were rumors in nearby villages of a vigilante who would supposedly ambush criminals, bandits, and even rich folks in the nearby villages who were involved with some sort of dirty business.

While he is a stubborn moron who does stupid things and can be selfish at times, he’s never once harmed or stolen from innocent people. He finds it thrilling when he’s able to let loose and be on the verge of getting caught, so fighting criminals/bandits/bad people within the village was how he enjoyed living life.

While most of his reasoning behind it may be selfish, the people of the nearby villages still considered him a hero.

He enjoyed taking out the rumored bandits outside of the village, getaway criminals within the village, and most of all, he enjoyed stealing from tactless, arrogant “royals” is what these people call themselves who used dirty tactics to gain the wealth they had.

Shaw loved the thrill of sneaking in and stealing their valuable belongings that were acquired unjustly with the chance of getting caught. And what he loved more was seeing their infuriated expressions after realizing they had been robbed.

To cover up his tracks, he would distribute the wealth among the good people of the village. He insists his good deeds are nothing more than him wanting some good entertainment and only gives the villages the wealth to cover up his tracks but we all know he’s secretly soft. Under all that bitchassness ofc

He would, however, always keep one item for himself. Whatever seemed to have caught his eye in that moment. The items he collected varied. He didn’t always care about their worth and would often take whatever seemed interesting to him.

Most of the money he used to provide food, clothing, and shelter came from the bandits and criminals. He had plenty of money to get around.

So in this date, I imagine MC going around village to village looking for this vigilante so called “Robin Hood” to help her village. Similar to Disney’s “Robin Hood” film, the people of the village are forced to pay an unfair amount of taxes to the people in control who then use those taxes for their own selfish desires, leaving the people of the village to suffer.

MC uses Robin Hood’s latest sightings from different villages as clues to where she may be able to find him, but many villagers tell her it’s hopeless, that he never shows himself as Robin Hood in public.

While asking around in a nearby village, Shaw overhears her conversation and catches her outside the village during her departure back home.

He asks why she’s looking for Robin Hood so she explains her village’s current situation vaguely to him.

Without explaining himself, he joins her on her journey back to her village.

She was uncertain about him tagging along without an explanation but soon had some friendly banter I say friendly but this man is just annoying as hell and we love it with one another. Y’all know how friendly Shaw is. Annoying but good at making conversation. Ya know... like his usual self.

Anywho, they come across some bandits on the way back where *enter Robin Hood Shaw*.

While Shaw fends off the bandits, MC also joins in and surprises him with some fighting skills of her own which ya’ll know damn well he’s gonna like.

MC was able to piece things together after seeing his fighting style and capability in which she asks if he’s Robin Hood.

He chuckles and responds with a simple “let’s go” as he continues towards the direction of her village.

She follows suit with way too many questions like mood mc, I wanna know what life is like as a bitch vigilante too but you also gotta remember he’s an annoying asshat

To be honest, her first impression after realizing he was Robin Hood was something like “wow wasn’t expecting him to be a dumb bitch” after all that friendly banter. But then again what do you expect from a man who purposely gets himself into danger?

Her questions included those as such: Why did you become Robin Hood? Have you ever been caught? Why do you always keep one stolen item from each place you rob?

His response was a question of his own “Why do you need the help of Robin Hood when you are capable of fighting, yourself?”

She pauses and explains she isn’t capable of helping the village all by herself and thought if she could find Robin Hood, the village would have hope.

Shaw pauses and states his own desires, “I’m not the person people make me out to be. I don’t do these things for the people, I do them for myself. Whether or not you want to believe I help people, in the end, I’m only doing this for myself.”

With that being said, MC suddenly felt a wall being built between them. Not that they had a well developed relationship beforehand

Still, MC explains her village’s situation in much more detail in hope of coming up with a plan.

MC throws out a few ideas while Shaw asks questions about her village and the men in control and then offers his own ideas.

After a lifetime of teasing and bickering, they come to a conclusion.

Once again bringing in Disney’s classic “Robin Hood” film, I thought it would be fun to include a fox in this story and even did some research on Chinese mythological creatures.

Huli jings are fox like mythological creatures that have the capability to shapeshift.

So to add a little twist in this story like the rest of the boys, MC’s village just so happened to be guarded by a huli jing spirit, or so the legends within the village say.

Shaw, with his sly, sneaky Robin Hood persona decided to use this to his advantage.

For days after returning to MC’s village, they gathered materials for their plan for the next time taxes would be collected.

With Shaw’s skills, he would dress as the huli jing spirit shapeshifted as a human wearing a fox mask and fight those who come by to collect taxes, threatening them to leave the village and never return while MC was in charge of special effects to make the “performance” seem more realistic.

He thought the idea of these awful villagers being frightened half to death by a “spirit” was rather entertaining and would make this mission much more satisfying in the end after everything going according to plan. Basically his thought process was “imagine pulling something off so ridiculous yet so incredible”

Slowly driving one by one out of the village, Shaw continued to “haunt” and threaten anyone involved.

However, it was only a matter of time when one of them realized it was all staged after finding MC off to the side, helping Shaw with his “performance”.

MC was then taken to the person in charge and held captive.

Once Shaw realized she had gone missing, he suspected the remaining few caught on and had her as a hostage so he finished his job more quickly and efficiently. Mr. iM dOiNg ThiS fOr mYsELf

Being stuck with the man in charge who was responsible for the village’s suffering, MC began asking why he did everything he had done, why he doesn’t help the village like one should. Oh MC, sweet sweet MC, there are some terrible people in the world and you should know this

After talking with the man for some time, there was a loud crash following the man being knocked to the ground by a powerful force.

“I’ve come to steal you away” is all MC hears before being swept up into Shaw’s arms.

With the man on the ground letting out painful cries, Shaw reveals himself as Robin Hood, receiving an appalled gasp from the man lying on the floor as he demands him to leave the village for good and never return.

The man refuses to give up, calling for backup only to be met with silence.

Shaw: Oh? You haven’t heard? They all fled the village. The remaining ones have been dealt with as well. It’s best you do the same if you value your life.

With this being said, the man got up and frantically stumbled out of the building.

As Shaw carries MC outside, the villagers thank him as they distribute the wealth found within the mans home among everyone, now safe from their continued suffering.

Enjoying her embarrassed expression, Shaw quietly teases MC while continuing to carry her away from others.

MC: You can put me down now, Mr. Every man for himself.

Shaw: Oh? I guess I found that time spent with you is utterly amusing and would be a shame to lose such entertainment.

MC: Well if you don’t go back soon, everything will be taken and you won’t be able to get your reward.

Shaw: And what reward would that be?

MC: The one item you choose to keep from every theft you’ve ever done.

Shaw chuckles while leaning close, whispering in her ear, “I’ve already taken my reward”.

Bye, I’ll be suffering while wishing we actually had Shaw in this event because he would’ve been 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

[willel]

So, the official writing team is going to post movies they’ve discussed for season 4 once a week. For the funsies, I guess I’ll look at each movie and see what it’s about. 

So let’s get started. I’m sorry if this looks bad on tumblr mobile, but it;s their fault for messing up the indented paragraphs

The Peanut Butter Solution

Ghosts restore a boy's (Mathew Mackay) hair when it falls out from fright, but then it won't stop growing.

Michael Baskin is an average 11-year-old boy. His father, Billy Baskin, is a struggling artist and temporary sole caregiver of the children while his wife attends to the needs of her recently deceased father in Australia. Upon hearing the news that an abandoned mansion has recently burned down, Michael and his friend Connie decide to explore the remains. Outside the mansion, Connie dares Michael to take a look inside, leading to a frightening encounter with the ghosts of its homeless inhabitants who had died in the fire. Michael does not know this yet, but his fearsome run in with the ghosts has given him a mysterious illness simply known as "The Fright". Michael wakes up the next morning to find out that "The Fright" has made him lose all of his hair. After a failed attempt with a wig (his wig was pulled off by an older boy during a fight in a soccer game), the ghosts visit Michael in his sleep and give him the recipe of a magical formula for hair growth, the main ingredient of which is peanut butter. Michael's first attempt to make the formula is thwarted when his father and sister think he is making something to ingest (rather than use topically) and dispose of it.

A short summary of this movie. It goes on to explain that Michael successfully makes the formula and grows his hair back, but an evil teacher fired from his school discovers his hair growing ability, kidnaps him, uses his hair to make magical paint brushes before he’s finally caught and everyone gets a happy ending. 

.... Gonna be honest. NO idea how this is gonna work in. lol. Will’s bowl cut??? The beginning part there had me thinking about Joyce. The exploring the hunted house with a friend had me thinking of Will and El. But everything else? Pfff. 

The Fisher King

After shock jock Jack Lucas (Jeff Bridges) inadvertently provokes a caller into murdering a group of innocent people in a Manhattan bar, he grows depressed and turns to booze. As he's about to hit rock bottom, Lucas meets a homeless man named Parry (Robin Williams), whose wife was killed by the caller Lucas pushed to the brink. Mentally scarred by his loss, Parry spends his days searching for the Holy Grail. Lucas, feeling culpable for the poor man's plight, pledges to help him in his quest.

Nope, no idea. I really got nothing except.... maybe Kali?????? Ok wait, I read a bit more, mostly the ending bits. The homeless man, Parry, is beat senseless and is in a coma/catatonic state. The hero of the movie must steal a Holy Grail to wake him up, which he does.

Another part, the hero had previously broken up with his lover (out of guilt I guess???) reunites with her. She slaps him and then they kiss and make up. Or something.

Kinda... Hopper and Joyce like I guess. 

Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

Amiable slackers Bill (Alex Winter) and Ted (Keanu Reeves) are once again roped into a fantastical adventure when De Nomolos (Joss Ackland), a villain from the future, sends evil robot duplicates of the two lads to terminate and replace them. The robot doubles actually succeed in killing Bill and Ted, but the two are determined to escape the afterlife, challenging the Grim Reaper (William Sadler) to a series of games in order to return to the land of the living.

As much as I love Keanu, this does not make me happy. The only beneficial thing I can think of is two best friends doing stuff together to solve a mystery (Will and El). Maybe Will will get Keanu’s hair

You’ve Got Mail

Struggling boutique bookseller Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) hates Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), the owner of a corporate Foxbooks chain store that just moved in across the street. When they meet online, however, they begin an intense and anonymous Internet romance, oblivious of each other's true identity. Eventually Joe learns that the enchanting woman he's involved with is actually his business rival. He must now struggle to reconcile his real-life dislike for her with the cyber love he's come to feel.

.... What? No idea how this is going to happen.... maybe Joyce gets a mysterious pen pal and it’s secretly Hopper. Or, maybe Joyce will become a librarian/book seller

Ordinary People

Tormented by guilt following the death of his older brother, Buck, in a sailing accident, alienated teenager Conrad Jarrett (Timothy Hutton) attempts suicide. Returning home following an extended stay in a psychiatric hospital, Conrad tries to deal with his mental anguish and also reconnect with his mother, Beth (Mary Tyler Moore), who has grown cold and angry, and his emotionally wounded father, Calvin (Donald Sutherland), with the help of his psychiatrist, Dr. Berger (Judd Hirsch).

Ok THIS IS MORE LIKE IT. YES. I probably haven’t seen the movie, but this summary gets me hyped. Let me check out the plot....

“The Jarretts are an upper-middle-class family in suburban Chicago trying to return to normal life after the accidental death of their older teenage son, Buck, and the attempted suicide of their younger and surviving son, Conrad. “

Chicago huh? Hmmmmmm

“ Conrad, who has recently returned home from a four-month stay in a psychiatric hospital, feels alienated from his friends and family and begins seeing a psychiatrist, Dr. Berger. Berger learns that Conrad was involved in the sailing accident that took the life of Buck, whom everyone idolized. Conrad now deals with post-traumatic stress disorder and survivor's guilt. “

This screams Will to me because of the whole alienation of friends and family (plus Will was going to doctors and psychiatrists for a while). BUT, the survivor's guilt thing could be El too. She told him she could fight (she didn’t know she couldn’t at the time she said that) and let him and Joyce go into the danger all alone. But Joyce would never send off her kids to a psychiatrist or ward. And she might not take them to counselors either, she’s been there done that.

“Mother and son often argue while Calvin tries to referee, generally taking Conrad's side for fear of pushing him over the edge again. Things come to a climax near Christmas, when Conrad becomes furious at Beth for not wanting to take a photo with him, swearing at her in front of his grandparents. “

Ooof, well. This movie does not have a particularly happy ending. Basically, Conrad is struggling with guilt and alienation most of the time. He even starts dating someone but it only helps a little. His mother is basically steely faced and refuses to express emotion. She totally blames her younger child for her older child’s death. She’s confronted by her husband who asks her “If she’s capable of loving anyone” and she leaves the family, only leaving father and son to heal together. 

The Byers don’t have that kind of stuff going on, not exactly. But.... yes. I can see some good material in here. Let’s hope there’s more of this and less of Bill and Ted’s adventures yeah?

[vagrantblvrd]

Young criminal Rimy Tim who's only distunguishing feature is his hair hat he dyes a new color when he does crimes. The news calls him Rainbow Hood and the Fakes send Vagabond to look into this new criminal. jermwood?

Oh my God, I’m just. I’m picturing Jeremy who gets caught up with the wrong crowd or something? Has this One Friend who gets into the Crimes back in Boston and gets in over their head, goes to Jeremy for help when they realize they’re fucked and Jeremy tries to help but it escalates out of control and Jeremy’s friend bails.

Jeremy’s friend is a real asshole and tries to pin it all on Jeremy who is legit a Good Kid and is like fuck because there are people trying to kill him and the worst he’s done is get into a (tiny!) bar fight that one time his freshman year i college. He’s a Junior now, not that it matters because he has to fucking get the hell out of the city if he doesn’t want to die - circumstances where he doesn’t want to get his family and friends dragged into things because it would just get them killed, so he runs, right?

Runs and runs and runs, and ends up in Los Santos where he finally has time to think and realizes he’s kind of an idiot? But yeah. No going back now and he tries to get legit jobs, but it’s real hard because he doesn’t have an actual address and so on, and he makes friends with this guy staying in the room next to his at this shady motel.

Guy who points him in the direction of a a guy who knows a guy who an get him work? Under the table kind of stuff, wink wink.

Jeremy’s almost out of money and doesn’t have a lot of options, and maybe thinks it’s just. He doesn’t know, is busy trying to lie to himself about it all and sucks up his pride and all and goes to see this guy.

Starts him out small, just deliveries and the whatnot at first. Stuff Jeremy doesn’t feel too guilty about. (Ignorance is bliss and all.)

After a while he gets more important stuff to do, things he can’t ignore and wriggles out of working for the guy because he doesn’t like where it’s leading? (Others like him who got disappeared for fucking up/asking too many questions and Jeremy knows he’ll be one of them becaue he’s an idiot with a big mouth.)

Finally gets a quasi-legal job washing dishes at some corner diner kind of deal.

Pays not great, but there’s an almost-attic - storage space - above the diner where the owner lets Jeremy stay as long as he keeps his trap shut about it all, you know?

It’s super tiny, maybe four feet at the highest point but enough room for the shitty sleeping bag Jeremy picks up at a surplus store somewhere and the essentials. Jeremy works out a deal with the gym down the street where he teaches neighborhood kids how to box/defend themselves in exhange for a place to shower and all that?

The diner’s owner lets Jeremy have the botched orders - and don’t think Jeremy knows she and the line cook and everyone else fucks a few up on purpose to make sure he eats, but no one says anything about it so he doesn’t either. (They all know life’s hard, no need to make it worse than it needs to be, right? Besides he’s a good kid, would be a crime not to help him out if they can.)

Jeremy doesn’t plan to do more crimes, right? But some developers start looking at the neighborhood, pressure the business there - including the diner and gym - to sell or they’ll be sorry, and after all they’ve done for him and people like him he can’t not do something about it.

The kids or successors of the ladnwowners who lease it out to the business owners. And due to previous contracts can’t just boot them, so they raise the lease and whatnot. Try to drive them out of business so they can sell to someone offering a lot of money for the area for whatever reasons.

Jeremy can’t sit by and do nothing after everything these people have done for him and people like him so he does crimes to get them the money they need?

Anonymous gifts, but everyone knows it’s Jeremy, right?

This Rimmy Tim asshole is short as hell and the cheap dye Jeremy uses never washes out clean and anyway, he’s kind fo shit at lying about it, right?

They don’t say a damn thing because they look out for theirs and this idiot kid is definitely one of theirs.

But the assholes raise the lease higher, and the bruisers start hurting people and while Jeremy’s game to keep on stealin from the rich to give to the poor (the whole Rainbow Hood thing you mentioned?) he can’t beat up all the bruisers on his own. (Forever, anyway?)

He does a good job when it’s one or two on one, but they fight dirty and he gets hurt and it’s just. The business owners beg him to stop for his own good - they can always start up somewhere else, maybe, but he’s gonna get himself killed.

Somewhere in there Jeremy meets this scrawny asshole who likes teh pie at the diner. Claims to be good at computers and kind of “eh”, about things. ~Charms him into getting info on these developers/landowners he can use against them, but!

They’ve heard about this asshole with the revovlving hair color choices and goody-two shoes act and go after him.

Somewhere else in there the Fakes have heard about this Rimmy Tim character who may or may not have robbed one of their allies homes. (Hullum or Burnie with them as mayor and LSDP commisioner respectiely or something along those lines?)

And get curious because there was a lot of damaging information he must have seen/heard but didn’t do anything with? (The Fakes aren’t so much crimes for funsies as crimes for Good Reasons, which is why the mayor and police commisioner is willing to ~consort with them.)

SO.

They send Ryan to look into things while they takcle some other problem - not realizing both are connected.

Ryan decides to check things out as a civvie at first, goes to the diner because pie and sees Jeremy there. Happened to get there on a day the bruisers drop by and gets to see Jeremy toeing the line between smarting off to them/knuckling under so no one gets hurt? (Other customers and so on.)

Comes back later that night as the Vagabond and gets there just as Jeremy’s getting in from Doing Crimes and gets to see JEremy’s reaction at thinking someone sent Ryan to kill him.

The whole oh, shit and what kind of chance do I have against this guy? and finally well at least no one else is here to get pulled into this shitshow as Jeremy realizes he’s fucked.

Watches Jeremy get ready to throw down - resigned to losing but not going quietly and all that, but then!

Ryan’s just like, “You’re not quite what  expected,” because the crew thought he was some punk looking for an angle, but no.

Just an idiot like him and Ryan’s kind of impressed with him. Not a polished criminal or anything, but he’s got potential and obvious morals and ethics and so on.

So he offers to help Jeremy, tells a little white lie about being on a murder break so he’s out of crew shenanigans for the time being, and he’s always liked the pie here. (He does, but it’s been forever since he’s been around thanks to crew shenanigans.)

Jeremy’s dubious about the whole thing, but only an idiot would tell the Vagabond no, right?

The two of them working together to take down the asshole landowners/dvelopers which includes shenanigans of their own.

Stupid jokes and the whatnot, Jeremy realizing Ryan’s a major dork and kind of a disater and Ryan realizing Jeremy’s good for someone who never planned on Doing Crimes for a living?

Sharing meals - and pie - and just being around one another and bonding via montage scene stuff? Ryan being invited to watch Jeremy with his students at the gym - can’t shirk his duties there because it keeps the kids from getting in trouble/helps teach them how to protect themselves and so on? And is charmed at how good he is with the kids, how much they clearly adore Jeremy.

Gets roped into helping out, which means Jeremy flips him over his shoulder and pins him to the mat, face flushed and wide grin and all up in Ryan’s space and the oh no, he’s super hot on both their parts. :O

Eventually they get in over their head and while Jeremy is lowkey panicking about it - how fucked not only they but the business owners are - Ryan admits he kind of sort of lied and calls in the crew.

Everyone comparing notes and realizing their problems are really just One Big Problem so why not pool their efforts together?

They need another hacker to help Gav and whoever else out, so they call up this Myatt guy. And of course, of course Myatt is Matt, that scrawny asshole who’s got a hell of a sweet tooth on him Jeremy befriended.

And then shenanigans as they utterly destroy the asshole landowners/developers, teach them a lesson they won’t forget and make a tidy profit along the way.

Jeremy uses his cut to set the business owners up for life - has Matt help him with that - and is trying to decide what to do with his life now when Ryan shows up in civvie clothes, bashful smile and all.

Just all, hey. So I know I kind fo lied to you a bit? But I like you almost as much as I llike pie, and maybe we could do the dating thing? (It may or may not go almost exactly like that because human disaster, right?)

Meanwhile Jeremy’s staring at this asshole like oh my God, realizing he’s the goddamned Vagabond even though Ryan did nothing to disguise his voice/ridiculousness this whole time. (In fact Ryan thought Jeremy figured it out way before now, but whatever.)

Ryan gets all nervous because Jeremy’s just staring, processing the Ryan is the Vagabond business in his head?

Ryan’s about to laugh it off since Jeremy clearly isn’t interested but Jeremy snaps out of obliviousness and is just YES. Yes he would like to do the Dating Thing? VERY MUCH SO.

They’re totally being watched by the diner’s patrons and owners and fucking Matt who’s just enjoying his pie and totes not laughing at these idiots.

And then, like. Shenanigans. (Also, also, the press being Confused at the disappearance of Rainbow Hood and the sudden appearence of Rimmy Tim with the Fakes after Jeremy starts shaving his head/gets Rimmy Tim outfit together to fuck with the others.)

[purplesurveys]

868

Favorite beverage: Just your good ol’ cold water. If I wanna treat myself I’ll get milk tea. When was the last time you had ketchup? Ooh I don’t remember...it would probably be 3-4 weeks ago. Or whenever the last time we had lumpia was, because I like drowning that shit in ketchup. Have you ever had a red hotdog? Yeah frozen hotdogs is a favorite snack here and they’re usually red. We usually have them for breakfast, it’s served in parties, it’s in every school caf, etc. What is the most recent gift you've been given? So my uncle has his budding cooking business and sells different dishes everyday. His most recent bestseller is burnt basque cheesecake and while I’ve always wanted my own because it looks SO good, I just haven’t had the money to allot for it. I was really surprised when my grandma called me up today and told me she had ordered an entire cake for me as a graduation gift :) I asked my dad to pick it up from her place this afternoon and it’s crazy delicious.

Is what you're wearing comfortable? Yeup, now that it’s cooler. I sweated through my top when it was hot earlier though, and that wasn’t a comfortable situation at. all.

Did you leave the house today? Nah. I did step out to help my dad with the groceries, but that was it for today’s adventure. Are there bumper stickers on your car? No. If I wanna put stickers on my car I would rather have them on my rear window, and not directly on my car. Are you watching tv right now? What? The dining room TV is turned on but I’m not watching; my dad likes to have it on to listen to the evening news while he cooks dinner. Are you wearing anything blue? Nope, it’s all black for me today. Do you have a job? Not yet. Is your car messy? No. There’s really no reason for it to be, I’ve only driven out once since March. When did you last have whipped cream? I...can’t recall, actually. We don’t have whipped cream at home and I don’t think I ever ordered anything with whipped cream on it shortly before lockdown. How far away is the closest house? 10-20 steps away, depending on how big your stride is. What street do you live on? I’m not dropping that on here. The most I’ll tell you is that our streets are named after tropical cities, haha.

What is your favorite flavor of smoothie? Used to not like smoothies 100% because of the presence of fruits in them, but thanks to my friends Apple and Ed introducing me to Go Salads I’ve come to really like their Breakfast Smoothie – which, after looking up their menu just now, has apple, banana, cinnamon, oats, coco sugar, chia seeds, greens, and soy milk. Are you dating anyone? Yes ma’am. What color is you computer? Silver. Do you own an iPod? What color is it? Technically I still do but only because I haven’t thrown it out. It’s a blue iPod Nano. What is the most recent picture on your phone/camera of: A photo of the aforementioned burnt basque cheesecake. I was planning to post a Facebook status to promote my tito’s business and show my support, so I asked my sister to take a few aesthetic shots of the cake for my post to look presentable. Have you ever shot a gun? No. I’ve shot a fake one that belonged to Athenna’s dad, which he used for like target practice or something. What temperature is it? 31C.

Do you know anyone with a third nipple? No but Harry Styles has four, HAHAHA. There’s your random fact for the day. What do your parents do for a living? My dad’s an executive sous chef and my mom’s a secretary in her specific department in the hotel she works in. Both have always been in the hotel and restaurant industry. Have you ever had a pet that had babies? No. We’ve avoided female dogs because we know we’re not capable of caring for newborn puppies, so instead of potentially being reckless owners we’ve just not had female pets altogether. Which grocery store is closest to you? A local mall chain that has their own grocery, SM. Do you have a hamper in your room? Nah, my parents prefer a general hamper in the bathroom. Do you know anyone that's a nurse? Yes, I have several aunts and as far as I know, one cousin :) I feel really bad for them especially in these times, but they’re such strong people and they just keep powering through and powering through. Do you know someone with the name Alaina? Not that I can recall. What color is the blanket on your bed? Off-white. What are your parent's middle names? No thank you. Have you ever broken a bone? Never. Do you wear braces or glasses? I wore braces in high school, and I’ve had glasses since Grade 5. What color are they? I picked a different color for my braces for every monthly visit cause it made me feel quirkly; my glasses’ frame is dark brown. Are you currently reading a book? Not currently, no. When did you last get your blood drawn? Ughhhhh, cringed reading this haha. Last May when I needed to get a blood test done. Have you ever done hard drugs? Nopes. How many contacts are in your phone? I just know I have a lot, but Apple doesn’t tell you exactly how many and I don’t feel like counting all of them right now. Does your toilet have a seat cover? It has a lid cover, but not a seat cover. What's currently on your grocery list? My dad did the groceries today so we’re pretty stocked rn. What things do you take with you everywhere? My glasses, car and house keys, phone, wallet. Do you know someone that is/was over 100 years old? Gab’s great-grandma was like 106 or 107 by the time she passed. Was your HS principal a girl or a boy? Girl. I went to an all-girls school so it would honestly be a little peculiar if we had a male principal. Have you ever eaten a raw egg? Nah. I wanna try it out though, just for funsies. Do you own any rings? Gab got me this cheap ring for the shits and giggles, but I stopped wearing it when it started turning pink and smelling weird. So no.

If you were to get a new puppy what would you name her? We did get a new puppy! ;) But should we get another, the name will depend on the puppy’s attitude and overall vibe. That’s what we did with Cooper, who was named after Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory because he had been a smartass from the very first minute we played with him. Have you eaten fruit today? No. What about milk? Even more nope haha. I can’t have it all the time. What letter does your state start with? We don’t have states. My province starts with the letter R. Could you list all 50 states? I’ve listed them down on countlesssssss occasions but I always only come up with 35-45 states. I’ve observed that the ones I always forget about are the states in the middle of the map/country-ish states hahaha. What about their capitals? I know a good number of the states’ capitals, but I’ll still undoubtedly do worse. What internet browser do you use? I’ve been on Chrome for the longest time. Do you know anyone that lives in Wyoming? I don’t think so. Do you smoke cigarettes? Yes, starting this year lol. Which person you know has the most unique name? I’m sure I know more unique ones out there but the first names that came to mind are friends of mine named Bernadean, Jeuel (pronounced Jay-well), and Jabes. Oh and I also have an aunt named Marheedoll. Do you know someone that's missing a limb? I don’t think so, no. Do you have facial hair? I do not. Are you a bad person? Not when it comes down to it. I have my petty moments though. What was the last swear you said? I almost yelled the word puta in front of my dad earlier, but I slurred the word and made random noises to avoid saying the full thing haha so it kinda went like puuuuutehshahjskhf. Have you ever called the police on someone? No. What is the most amount of pets you've had at one time? Three – one dog and two birds. When did you last check your email? Last night. I wanted to check if I received any email from the college. Have you ever had a 3rd degree burn? Nope and that sounds so painful, I never want to sustain one. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? I haven’t. How long is your hair? Right now it reaches only my collarbones. I had it cut fairly recently, so it’s still on the shorter side. Do you lock your doors at night? The doors on the first floor. Does your bedroom have a lock? It does but my mom is such a big sissy about locks and says that “there’s nothing to hide/be private about” since we’re all relatives. She really shouldn’t have gotten a lock for my room if I wasn’t allowed to use it anyway... What do you have at your bedside? I have a rattan trunk that stores all my childhood knickknacks like board games and encyclopedias; then on the other side is a drawer with my home clothes and other knickknacks on the lower drawers. I got some hoarding tendencies from my grandma, so a lot of the stuff I keep in the drawer really has no reason behind my keeping them until today. How big is your bed? Not big at all, it’s just twin-sized. I am so investing on a big-ass bed when I have my own place. Do you know someone that was murdered? I didn’t know her personally but an alumna from my old school got stabbed to death. I don’t know the details but I think she got stabbed because she had gadgets on her, which makes you an easy target for criminals here. The only reason I know her is because my school would do tributes for her from time to time, so I really can’t tell you anything more other than she was stabbed. Do you know someone who's pregnant? I don’t think so. Do you wear a watch? Used to, but I kept losing them. What was your first pet? A pair of goldfish. How much jewelry do you own? Not a lot. The ones I do wear are technically my mom’s too; she just likes sharing them with me. What is the closest purple thing? Probably the ube halaya in the fridge. Green? A piece of Cooper’s toy. What time is it? It isssss 8:43 PM. What is your ideal profession? Lawyer. How tall are you? A little over 5 feet. Have you ever gotten x-rays? Probably once when I was a kid, then around two or three times before I started college. Do you wear gloves in the winter? I imagine I would but we don’t get winter. Do you consider yourself smart? Academic-wise, yep. I’m good at tests and memorizing and I generally enjoy reading educational content. Are you good at algebra? Yeah but I wanna keep it at algebra and geometry lol, I don’t have the patience for calculus and trig. What color eyes are the prettiest? I’ve always loved green/olive green eyes. Are your teeth straight? One of my front teeth protrudes a bit, but that’s all my fault because I lost my retainers back when I still had to use them. My teeth are otherwise fine. Do you like chocolate milk? LOVE IT Do you own a bike? We own a family bike and I’m free to use it, I just don’t because I don’t know how lmao Are you taller than your mom? No. I thought I’d grow taller than her because I had an intense growth spurt at one point, but it never happened. Have you ever been engaged? No. What, in your opinion, is the ugliest name? I’m not a fan of names that end in -leigh, but I don’t think they’re ugly names.

[i-am-parsec]

Unaddressed Letters - Part V

                                                           Leaving Jacksonville - part I

The night they leave is warm and quiet. End of the summer, the streets downtown are still fairly crowed after the sun goes down, Stacy has some costumers roaming around the thrift shop while Chase, just across the street, sweats in the kitchen of a Mexican restaurant, trying to leave no meat uncooked and no drink without ice.

During a brief moment of precious spare time, he checks his phone.

“Call me when you are done with the dishes, kitchen boy" reads the screen.

His heart skips a beat and he frowns. Of course she’s texting him, they are friends. They go back home together every single night after work. This is not something worth a heart-beat skipping, when the fuck is his brain going to get the memo?

He can’t continue his internal screaming - those burritos aren’t going to make themselves.

The young girl puts her phone away as an old man approaches the counter. Dark eyes, whitening short brown hair, a full goatee and about two heads taller than her. He doesn’t look scary per se, but neither does he look friendly and yet Stacy is invaded by an strange feeling of warm comfort when met by this unknown client and ponders, for a second, why. When it clicks, her hands freeze. She keeps her gaze glued on the light blue shirt she’s bagging, choking back the tears. It’s always like this, something ordinary, unimportant, pulls the trigger and the pain rushes to her eyes. She manages to snap out of it, but not without the man noticing.

“Is everything okay, ma’am?”

Fuck, even his voice is similar. She fails at smiling and looks away.

“Yes, sir, it’s just…you look a lot like...uh, my dad. Well, not a lot, it’s mostly the beard...I think…”

As she looks down, it’s impossible to deny the burn in her throat and the shaking of her hands. Not now, please, not here. Crying during working hours in a thrift shop that’s probably – totally – laundering drug money.

Well, that’s a new low.

“Did you lose him recently?” asks the man gently, prompting her to look up.

“No, I…I lost him when I was kid. He was shot…a robbery gone wrong…”

He nods, no trace of pity in his features, only compassion and understanding. Maybe he lives in town, maybe he also lost someone in the hands of the corrupted and greedy. Maybe he knows this pain too.

“I’m sorry to tell you, darling, that it won’t ever stop hurting, especially in your case, a loss so unfair, but let me tell you this…” the old man stops for a second, and then, with more conviction than Stacy has ever witnessed in her entire life “…you are strong enough to handle this and any other nonsense that life throws at you. You just gotta remember that, always."

Her phone buzzes for a long minute but she doesn’t pick up. She’s still holding her breath when he gives her the money. She wants to tell him to not worry about it, the shirt is on her, but with such a tight budget, every cent counts. All she can do is smile and thank him.

Another call. She tries her best to sound calm but Chase can tell something's wrong in the tiredness of her "hey". She explains quickly, hoping to ease his friend's mind - he's already anxious mess by default, wouldn't want to fuel it up - and after repeating at least ten times "yes, Chase, I swear I'm ok now", she sighs and then asks.

"Can we go down to the bar tonight?"

There's a second of silence. She hates drinking or, to be more precise, she hates seeing him drinking. She claims he likes it a bit too much for his own good. She continues.

"I'll hurry up and close this dumpster in a minute, and then we go straight down to Joe's, what do you say?"

He knows what his friend is doing, she's avoiding herself, avoiding the thinking, the pain and honestly, he can't blame her. He's been there, done that, and she always stayed by his side whenever he went into Emotionless Drunk Mess mode, so he has no problem returning the favor now.

"I say I'm covered in sweat, blood and other unknown bodily fluids so maybe we go home and take a shower first?"

When she laughs, he feels his heart become a little lighter.

"First of all: ew, gross; secondly: We take shower? Are you suggesting we take it together, Brody?"

And there it is, that's the Stacy he knows and loves - a teasing smart ass. This time though, he doesn't let her words fluster him - too much - and attacks back.

"Of course, Walters, we gotta do it for the environment's sake, you know? We gotta save water!"

"Oh, yeah, totally, that’s why, it has nothing to do with you dying to see me naked."

"I feel so insulted you would even dare to think that, young lady, I am a gentleman!"

"Oh, sure thing, perv. Okay, I'll finish here and meet you outside in a bit."

The smile on his face lingers all the way until he sees her walking out the store. He nods curiously at the bag on her hand. She smiles like a kid planning a prank and simply winks.

“I’m just borrowing a little something.”

“Uh, yeah, that’s called stealing, Stacy.”

She chuckles and then, as she usually does, starts a fire in his chest with just a short phrase.

“Don’t judge me, I just want to look pretty for our date.”

She’s joking, Brody, she’s fucking joking, like all friends do.

Just as they get to their stop, their bus arrives.

“This must be our lucky night” exclaims Stacy surprised. Once they are settled in their seats, she rests her head  on his shoulder and grabs his hand. Chase simply does his best to not suffer a stroke.

“We have to get out of here, dude. Soon.”

“That’s the plan” stutters the young man, wishing he could sound a bit less nervous by something that they have been doing for years now.

“Yeah, I know, but we always talk about it as a goal in the future and I…I don’t know. I feel like we shouldn’t wait too long or we might end up never leave this town” mutters Stacy with a sudden grim tone.

“Don’t say that, dude, of course we are doing it,” says her friend as her grabs her chin, looking for her eyes, all awkwardness replaced by the imperative need to bring her smile back “we promised we would, didn’t we?”

She nods half-heartedly and snuggles up against him, like a lost dog hides from the rain under a frail tree. As he hugs her, bringing her closer, he whispers against her dark hair: “Let’s set a date.”

“For our wedding? Sorry, Brody, but you haven’t even proposed to me yet” she jokes dryly.

Ignoring the sudden rush of heat on his body, he replies: “No, dumbass, for our escape!”

She come out of her shelter and looks at him with a hint of excitement on her eyes.

“A date?”

“Yeah, a date. Tell me when you want to leave.”

She bites her lower lip - one of her many quirks that drives him insane - and inhales slowly. As she breathes out, she answers: “End of this year. That should give us enough time to save a decent amount of money, make a good plan and maybe find a place to rent.”

“Well, end of the year it is. December 31 we are getting the fuck out of Jacksonville.”

And when he laughs, she feels the whole world become a little lighter.

More info, previous chapters, tag list AND HEADCANONS under the cut

First and foremost, I apologize for any mistakes in the chapter. This one wasn’t proof-read either and on top of that I wrote it on a rush but hopefully it’s decent ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

All chapters in chronological order, here. Previous chapter, here. Next chapter, here.

SO, yes, this is a two-part chapter - truth be told, I’m only posting this now and not both parts as one since I’m quite busy and have no time to finish writing it but I still wanted to post something now as, idk, a christmas special???? whatever, I just wanted to post it, lol

Anyways, HEADCANON TIME:

* As you may have noticed in the last chapter, Chase and Stacy’s daughter - Esperanza (which, by the way, means Hope in Spanish) - has a VERY Latino name, well, that’s because my hc is that Stacy is latina! Well, half latina, her mom is latina, her dad is white and because Stacy is white-passing and her mom knew about the struggles of being a Latina woman in the US, Stacy’s parents decided to give her a very white first name, so she would have it “easier” in life. Spoiler alert: she didn’t have it easier in life. Like, at all.

* Despite that, she still has a very Latino second name - Dolores (which means Pains in Spanish *winkwink*) - that she loves just as much as she loves her Latino heritage, and that’s why she named her daughter like that - Chase 100% loves the name as well.

* This is kinda spoilerish (because I will explore this headcanon in far more depth later on the fic) but I still feel you guys should know: Before they were the best of friends, Henrik and Chase were penpals - they met through an elementary school penpal project and kept writing each other all the way until adulthood, when they finally met face to face.

* Neither Chase or Stacy had pets - or were allowed to have any - by the time they became friends, but they both love animals and started feeding a cat they always came across on their way to school. They named the cat Sam.

* Stacy is allergic to cats. She loved Sam from a distance.

* Chase knows quite a bit of Spanish Stacy taugh him. She didn’t teach him just for funsies but because she ended up getting him a job in a Mexican restaurant and the owners didn’t speak English. She was very impressed by how easy it was for him to get used to the Latino enviroment and how good he turned out to be at cooking.

* Chase knows Stacy likes her second name better than her first, but sucks at pronuncing it correctly so he only call her Dolores jokingly andsometimeswhentheyhavesex

* They weren’t each others “first”, but Stacy told Chase after they did it for the first time that she had never enjoyed sex before him (and Chase almost cried because of such huge compliment).

* Esperanza is fluent in Spanish and English and knows a bit of German thanks to Uncle Henrik. Henrik is also Esperanza’s godfather.

I have way more headcanons but all of them are incredibly spoilery, so this is all you get for now. Now let’s move on to the next chap-

❤  Tag list ❤: @amyxmiaplay, @beck-pma, @closedworldofmathiel, @darktrash-drash, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @flyingfishflopsthings, @fruitycasket, @happysingingturtles, @hiimizzyxoxo, @hishex, @kitnkas, @mcomegalletas, @mijako98, @mjjau, @mysterious-cupcake-ninja, @mysticalanimallover, @novasingalaxies, @plutoandpolaris, @probablyghosting, @randomartdudette, @saltyweirdbi, @sassy-in-glasses, @scarlet--raven, @septicuniverse, @skyewardlight, @thevampireauthoress, @youllnevertaketheskyfromme

Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoyed it! If you did, please reblog, that helps me a lot ❤

[k-itsmaywriting]

Drink Up (Animal Owner!AU)

haha get it because Obi is a cat

More from Magic!AU

Before she even leaves Shidan’s office with Ryuu, Shirayuki is about to burst with excitement.

The door closes behind them, and Obi steps towards them from across the corridor. He greets them with a smile – he must see her shaking too. “You look like you’ve got good news.”

Her grin widens as she rushes towards him. “We’ve got an excursion to Yuris Island!” She can feel the soles of her feet burning as she hops up and down, beaming. “I’ve only ever read about Yuris Island systems in books but I’ve never gotten to see any of them myself.”

“I’m looking forward to learning from them,” Ryuu says. His voice is lighter than usual. Shirayuki’s glad he’s on his toes too. “We can find possibilities for new cures.”

“So when are we leaving?” Obi asks. “And what’s going to happen with your deliveries?”

Shirayuki whips her diary and pen from her bag. “Shidan has organised a ship for us next Sunday, since it’s quite far and my broom only fits one person.” Her mind is racing as fast as her pages turning to the date. “That means I’ll have to let Haki know by tomorrow…” She turns to walk through the halls, pen still scribbling her thoughts into her diary. “I’ll need to prepare a stock of creams for summer rashes and burns in my area, and teas for headaches and flus…”

She feels her bag knock against her thigh as Obi nudges it. “We’ll have to make a nice long visit to the store today, then. We could even get dinner afterwards.” He winks.

Ryuu cringes next to her, but Shirayuki just laughs, blush dusting her cheeks. “Sounds like a plan!”

The spring in Obi’s steps match Shirayuki and Ryuu’s now. “Kind of looking forward to being on a boat for the first time. I’ve been to a lot of places, but the ocean isn’t one of them. You excited, Ryuu?”

He nods. “Definitely.”

“I bet it’ll be wonderful to see the endless seas, feel the wind…” Shirayuki sighs. She can’t wait until next Sunday.

However, it seems to turn out that Obi is not a boat person.

Shirayuki exits the ship cabin, gently lowering the door into the deck behind her. She crosses towards where Kihal, one of Yuris Island’s sea witches, steers the helm. They had only been at sea for about an hour, and Kihal said the weather is a little better than most days, but…

Kihal spots Shirayuki approaching, and politely smiles at her. “How is he feeling?”

Shirayuki locks her fingers tight together, looking down. “Not so good. He’s already thrown up twice, but he’s still getting worse.” She sighs. “I should’ve prepared for this…”

“Don’t worry,” Kihal says. “I have plenty of things stocked in the cabin for this. It’s definitely not the first time this has happened, and it won’t be the last either.”

Kihal leaves the helm towards the ship’s cabin. Shirayuki follows behind, watching the wind lightly catch against the strings of blue and green beads circling around the length of Kihal’s white, wide-brimmed witch hat. It’s the most beautiful hat she’s ever seen – on the mainland they’re usually plain black and store bought, but Shirayuki gets the feeling that Kihal’s is much more special than that.

They descend the ladder into the ship’s cabin. Inside is Ryuu kneeling on the floor, holding cat Obi limply in his arms. He looks up at Shirayuki and Kihal as they step down. “He’s fallen asleep,” he whispers.

Shirayuki reaches her arms out, and Ryuu gently places Obi into hers. She presses the back of her hand on his forehead. He feels a little warmer than usual, and she can see his eyebrows are furrowed as he sleeps, like he’s concentrating on it.

Next to her, Kihal’s hand envelops in a green glow as she pulls it back. A pillow and a blanket follow across the cabin. She sets them on the floor. “He should be fine now that he’s fallen asleep. I can give you medicine now, but if he sleeps for the rest of the trip then I highly doubt you’ll need it.”

She nods. “Okay. Thank you, Ki—“

Obi suddenly gags. He hurls his head over Shirayuki’s arms, but the next thing she knows she’s falling down in a cloud of smoke. She crashes awkwardly on her knees and tumbles on the floor onto a weight that crushes her arms.

The smoke clears after a few seconds, and Ryuu and Kihal rush to her. “Shirayuki, are you okay?!”

Shirayuki opens her eyes, struggling under the weight, only to be see Obi’s side pressing her arms into the wooden floor. “He…he transformed back?!”

Obi jolts to a sit, finally off Shirayuki’s hands. “S…sorry, I just—huuuurgh!”

Kihal extends her hand and shoves an empty barrel to Obi just as he empties more breakfast from his stomach. She grimaces, “I take that back. He’s worse than I thought…”

Obi groans as he falls onto his back, throwing an arm over his eyes.  He grits his teeth, voice croaking, “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry.” Ryuu places a hand on Obi’s head and pats it. “It just happens.”

“It’s frustrating,” Shirayuki adds as she takes Kihal’s pillow with her free hand and slots it under Obi’s head. “But we’ll take care of you. Kihal has medicine for it.”

“I do have to warn you of some side effects, though.” A desk drawer opens across the room, and two small bottles fly into Kihal’s hands. “The easier option is ginger tea. It’ll settle your stomach, but I can’t guarantee it’ll be full proof. The other one will have your sickness gone in no time, but…”

Obi’s arm slides off his face, and he just manages to tilt his head down to look at Kihal with dreary eyes.

The corner of her mouth twitches. “You will feel very, extremely drunk until you’re off the ship.”

Obi reaches his arm out, hand trembling. “The second one, thank you…”

Shirayuki has never seen Obi drunk, but this doesn’t make her sure of whether or not she wants to.

For the sixth time in an hour, Obi transforms. Smoke envelops the cabin interior, and when it clears human Obi is lying on Shirayuki’s lap. Again. Well, only half his upper body is, and one of his shoulders hangs above the ground. His legs are sprawled on the floor under Kihal’s spare blanket. Shirayuki’s given up on moving his head so he can use her thigh as a pillow long ago.

Kihal sits on her chair across them. She leans forward and places her chin onto her hand, an amused stretched smile across her face. “So, Zen Wisteria defended you in court, huh? I’ve heard he’s one of the best young lawyers around, what was it like?”

“Oh, Zen was greeeaat,” Obi slurs. “The prosecutor was scary, not gon’ lie. But he just…” he waves his hand, “Stood his ground and was like ‘nahhh, he doesn’t needa go to jail! Just give him like 200 hours of comm’ service with the most badass, most beautiful witch in the country. That’ll stop ‘im from trespassing into shops ‘n’ shit for funsies’.”

Shirayuki’s cheeks light on fire, and Kihal laughs. “Well, she’s pretty amazing.”

“Kihal, Miss Sea Witch with the good ass medicine, listen.” Obi holds a finger out. “She is amazing. She knows like, everythin’, and is the kindest person ever. And she’s soooo cute like she does this pouty thing when I tease for not being able to eat spicy food or whatever and her cheeks are so freakin’ squishy and…”

She can see Kihal holding in her laughter. “You know you’re in her lap and that she can hear you, right?”

“Yeah and I wanna kiss her squishy cheek like every day. Kihal, would it be weird if I kissed her squishy cheek?”

Kihal looks back at her. Shirayuki just smiles sheepishly and whispers, “Honestly, I’d rather he do it when his mouth doesn’t reek.”

Once again, smoke erupts from Obi with a pop and fills the cabin, floating out of the open door above them into the midday sky. Obi’s fur tickles Shirayuki’s legs as he breathes quietly, finally asleep.

Ryuu peeks into the cabin from the deck. “Shirayuki, want me to watch him now?”

Shirayuki swaps with Ryuu. For a while she stays alone on the deck, leaning over the ship to watch the waves sway by the ship’s hull.  Kihal comes back up to steer the helm again.

“We’ll arrive at Yuris Island in about half an hour,” she says. “After I show you around town in the afternoon, there’s a special dinner we organised to welcome you. You’ll probably need it after all of…this. And you know, just to make you feel at home.”

Shirayuki spins to face Kihal. “Oh, you don’t have to do that!”

Kihal laughs. “Please, we insist. Unless you all dislike seafood and wine.”

“Obi nooo I’m not that drunk! I can walk by myself! Promise!”

Shirayuki feels her skin warming still – the evening wind feels a little colder than before. It’s probably a light shade of pink, but not that she’d be able to tell anyway with how muddled her head feels.

Obi rolls his eyes and squats, back facing Shirayuki. He holds his arms away from his sides. “Come on. I am not letting you fall on your face two steps out of this feast. It’d be embarrassing for all of us.”

Shirayuki pouts, “Fine. But only because you’re offering.”

She stumbles forward and Obi catches her on his back, quickly standing up. She wraps her arms around his neck and leans into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

Obi turns to Kihal standing by the entrance. “Thank you so much for everything today, Kihal.”

“My pleasure.” Something about Kihal has changed a little. She seems more relaxed compared to when they met this morning, and even a little snarky now. “But we can drop the formalities if you’d like. I’ve already seen both of you out of your minds – I don’t think there’s much distance to be kept anymore.”

Shirayuki beams, “Friend!?”

Kihal’s grin widens, a bubbling laugh escaping her chest. “Friend!”

They wave each other goodnight, promising to meet at 7 in the morning at their stilt house, and Obi piggybacks Shirayuki up the island. The walk is quiet with only the sound of crashing waves far behind them, and Shirayuki’s occasionally drunken mumble.

“…Obiiii.”

“Hmm?”

“Am I too heavy? You must be tired…”

Obi snorts. “I don’t think you have to worry about being heavy. Besides, it’s faster if I carry you – wouldn’t want Ryuu to start worrying about us.”

Shirayuki hums, suddenly lifting her hand. She takes a bit of Obi’s cheek between her thumb and index finger, and squeezes it. “Your cheeks are surprisingly squishy…”

“Not as squishy as yours,” he laughs.

Shirayuki groans. She presses her palm flat against Obi’s cheek, turns it towards her and kisses his other. Obi suddenly stops, staring at the ground, skin burning warmer and warmer under Shirayuki’s hand as she pulls away. “Just admit you’re cute already,” she murmurs.

Obi huffs, but breaks into a wide smile as he props Shirayuki higher up his back and strides up the mountain. “Fine. I am cute. And you win this time, Shirayuki.”

“Always do!”

[seenashwrite]

Conversations With The Commissioner: Crappy Monsters In Barber Shops, a.k.a. Nash's First Headcanon + Wine = The Image I’ll Never Be Able To Top

@lipstickandwhiskey kindly thought to tag me when she saw a jovial post that reminded her of my disappointment in the lack of dinosaurs in the *alternate world and hoped to cheer me, but little did she know [mainly because I completely brain farted on posting this way-back-when] this had been addressed. In an objectively bizarre way. Admittedly.

FYI: Spit-take warning in effect, also cursing, should you choose to carry on

Preamble

* Dear SPN Writers' Room*: I'm not calling it The Bad Place, because I'm done with y'all ripping from other stuff, in this case, a beyond phenomenal show - hey! you do recognize carefully crafted season arcs when you see it! - even if y'all thought it was a homage, it's not since viewers of the show "The Good Place" already know about The Bad Place and it's not a physical nightmare, it's a psychological nightmare.

Pay. Attention. Stop ripping from well-known pop culture shit without (1) making sure the “homage” is used correctly, (2) double-checking that something similar hasn't been done before and, if so, (3) adding your own cheeky-sneaky spin. Not doing so makes you look, at best, like hacks, at worst, like doofy dipshits, particularly when it is from shows in your same genre - like a renowned show from the same fucking network that hadn't even ended their run but a year and a half prior to when yours started - and wrapping up *your* season with a title that was an iconic element from an iconic show [it was iconic, for several reasons, that's an essay for another time] which was the basis for everything from a/possibly *the* pivotal moment in the series and which was tied to many of the composer's pieces for the soundtrack, as it was a central thread. TV Tropes is your friend.

Tangentially related, while we're here:

[Shep as Romo Lampkin]

I digress.  

The Background

The Commissioner and I pop a cork, start talking about the Wayward pilot. We don't say a word about the scripting or the acting [because if we do, I go down a Dolly Deadeyes road, and nobody wants that]. Rather, we do a deep dive on the things that resemble other things and postulate how this came to be. Not in the minds of the peeps behind it, no, the dive comes via what the youths call a "headcanon". I've never had one before, I don't think, and I'm proud this is the first.

Oh, and a housekeeping side note: While my observations/the conversing began that night, the main convo/legit start on the image at the bottom happened later on. This has been run through the Nash snark filter for funsies, which is why the tone is the same for the whole conversation as, in truth, I have little clear memory of a lot of this, and the time taken for the assemblage of the image took longer than a conversation's worth, since the beginnings were sponsored by wine but it had to be done, it's how I combat insomnia and after seeing the monsters, I needed to purge my feelings of.... well....

The Beginning

After a verbal review (an accosting-of, really) of both Well-Coiffed Predator in a Bane Mask and Dollar Store Doomsday from the Wayward pilot, we begin discussing theories on how exactly this came to be in the alt world. Everything below is based on (a) the fact that New!Kaia's outfit denotes the presence of some sort of killa shopping and/or a hella talented Matrix-obsessed seamstress in the alt-world, therefore why not additional styling like a salon, and (b) the fact that we were lit on wine.

And the Predator rip - who, in the concept art, does not appear rippy-offy, it should be noted - got that mask somehow. He's either homaging Bane all over his face [his own face, not the other-way-'round] or he's gotten hold of one of the real things, modded it a touch to account for the spread of his general mouth region. Seems their temp name is the generic supernatural/folklore catch-all that I was vaguely aware of - "Canid" - and that some dude who's apparently of import on the show hates it, and I concur because all I can think of when I see the name is Candida. The Commissioner asked for a reminder, and I explained what that infection was and that now upon learning the creature’s name, I looked upon it as a yeast infection made sentient. The copious amounts of viscous discharge helps that along.

This then got a general science light bulb to pop, and we again consulted the googles, and boo-yah:

It's a dog. That. That up there, that I linked to. A daaaawwwwg.

No, not a if-this-is-a-dog-then-what-does-the-owner-look-like, maybe-they're-just-disgruntled-puppy-mill-alums type of WTF. The WTF is because I, once again, am wondering if at any point people over yonder are bothering to check shit out with this cool new thing called google. I know. It's a novel suggestion.

Somebody sure as shit used said googlins for squid beak - it's a touch birdy beak, but nah, slimy squid goes better with the aesthetic - and I guess they had to, as they already gave the far superior on the creepy scale pacu teeth to the Dollar Store Doomsday.

Because we were sneery and feeling gross at this point, we needed something fun, so we refilled on wine, and decided to make a mash-up image of the “inspirations” [to be clear: The Commissioner decided I should make a mash-up]. We were also feeling gross after looking at all that above, so for an eye sorbet, we needed some pretty, and STAT. We both instantly knew what would do the trick.

We start the conversation with Bane.

The Conversation

[looking at still from that Batman movie Bane was in; neither of us have cared to clarify which of the Nolan B-mans it was, because we don't care]

The Commissioner: He is so smooth, like, everything, even the fit of the clothes.

Nash: I'll never forget his turn as young Picard in that shit 'Trek movie, what was it called?

[we do not look it up; digression discussion of the awesomeness that is Sir Patrick Stewart]

TC: What's in his hand? Is that a riding crop? Or a shuffleboard thing?

N: Yes, exactly, Bane took a break from beating up Batman to shuffle. Nooooo. He got drug away from riding his horsey----

TC: YOU MUST MEAN HIS STALLION - if he rides horses, they are buff

N: ---to bring the mask, and is he pissed about it?

TC: No. No, because he is a dollbaby - he loves dogs.

N: You're mixing Tom Hardy with Bane.

TC: NO.

N: [realizing] BECAUSE THAT IS A DOG THING, THAT CREATURE IS DOG

[digression googles to look at pics/vids of Tom Hardy with pups]

N: Oh, no, wait - can we make it a putter? Like he was on his way to golf?

TC: But he still doesn't mind, because he's good guy Bane? And golf sucks? Oh hell yes.

[putter image sought; we go back to staring at Hardy, sip wine for untold moments]

N: And Preddie's all - Oh Bane, no! I couldn't possibly! Aren't these custom made? But he's gripping the shit out of it, like, pry it from my hands, bitches.

TC: And he takes a sniff when nobody's looking and swoons. *SWOONS*

N: Freaked-out stylist saw, though, and a touch of pee slips out, because it was weird before, but now shit's kicked off.

TC: Oh, she's already wet her pants at least once, absolutely. Do we need to add her?

N: No, she's in the bathroom.

TC: But you know who we should add.

[Image of 1990s Leonardo Di Caprio is immediately sought; we love the R+J still too much for words and select it with zero pause]

N: But why?

TC: You know he's gonna end up bopping  around to other worlds anyhow, and for Bane to be here, there must be other rifts----

N: Low-Sugar Low-Fat Low-Calorie Eye of Saurons?

TC: ----so they're babysitting.

N: THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE [gulp of wine]  Hey, you know who should be his foster parents if he’s bopping around to all points?

TC: Is it some side-character who's off-show at the moment? So we can get the show back to, um, Sam and Dean?

N: Chuck and Amara.

TC: You remember they're brother and sister, right?

N: [side-eye] Okay.

TC: They are. It's canon.

N: OKAAAY.  [stares at Leo] Alright, what are we having him do? Satan's crotch goblin?

TC: [possibly disgusted with me] Pencils.

N: YES I KNOW WHAT TO DO they need to keep him busy so they just keep giving him piles of pencils to sharpen, and he's distressed because there's no more and the sharpener’s motor burnt out.

TC: [touch of a spit take]

[we stare at the collection of images; it is a bitch to find a clear shot of a Pred sitting, but we need him in a barber chair; I will ultimately cobble it from three separate images; it was worth every goddamn minute]

TC: Okay, now what about that thing? The thing? Deadpool?

N: No he was something else, that's Reynolds. Deadshot? Wait, hang on.

[we watch the Bob Ross Deadpool thing, maybe twice, I have no idea]

TC: What'd you say?

N: I dunno.

TC: Me neither I just remember thinking you were wrong.

N: [looks it up, or we'll be here all week] DOOMSDAY

TC: Stop, stop, stop - didn't we also say Lord of the Rings cave troll?

N: I can't remember if it was me or somebody else.

TC: Do cave troll.

[we search]

N: Holy shit. He's in the club.

[image chosen; best one is of him pointing; I later add the touch of a framed photo of King Kong that's inexplicably hanging in the barber shop, also next to it a photo of Captain Shitty Render]

N: But Doomsday.

TC: Do it.

[image chosen; this was also a bitch, I had to blur and cobble and blend and hide part of his bottom half because ZACK SNYDER LOVES SHOOTING EVERYTHING LIKE WE'RE IN A DANK CAVE]

N: They're so glad Bane pulls through, because Preddy won't shut the fuck up about him.

TC: It's because his last boyfriend was garbage, keeps hanging out with humans, and Bane's loyal, like he was to that chick from Inception, like----

N: LIKE DOG

[the bottle is empty; we are sleepy]

The Results

I regret not adding an aquarium with a squid.

The Aftermath

Both TC and my Tumblr wife @butiaintgonnaloveem had reactions that can nicely tuck under the umbrella of [in concerned tone] Nash are you okay, like, is life beating you down somehow, this is crazypants which I appreciate from the latter, but as for the former I pointed out that they are my enabler/dealer/peer-pressurer in every bit of this.

There is no end to this post. 

[gillytweed]

Prompt: Akko and Diana talk about adulting

So I got a few mini prompts that I wanted to do while I killed time at work, but unfortunately as soon as I made the ‘gimme prompts’ post, a flood of people came in and made my life hard, so now I’m doing them at home for funsies.

This is the first thing I’m writing for LWA so I’d love some feedback, especially on the characterization. (Although that may be a little difficult considering I put this in a Modern AU) 

Akko looked up from the sink filled with soapy water as Diana trudged into their small apartment. The blonde looked haggard, a bit pale with dark bruises under her eyes. It wasn’t the first time Akko had seen her like this, although the first time in a while. The last time had been in their final year of university when Diana had been swamped with papers, exams and projects, and stressed to the point that she’d simply come home and curled up on the couch while letting out a long, loud groan. 

This time was similar, Diana dropping her bag and shucking off her shoes before shuffling over to the couch and flopping onto it with a huff. Akko simply raised a brow as she dried her hands and set several pans that still needed to be cleaned in the sink to soak. She didn’t say anything as she padded over and kneeled next to her girlfriend, pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

“Being an adult sucks.” Diana mumbled, turning her head so her face pressed into the couch cushions. Akko hummed in agreement. She wasn’t a particular fan of working to have enough money to buy food and pay bills either, but there were some fun things about being an adult. More specifically, as an adult, you can pretty much do anything you want, within reason of course.

“Want to watch a movie in our onsies? We can build a blanket fort.” Diana didn’t answer for a moment then turned just enough so she could look at the younger girl. 

“Can we go and buy candy and pop?” It was a rare occurrence to see the Diana Cavendish, successful business owner and entrepreneur, one who could make asshole customers cry with a look, pout. Her lip jutted out just that little bit, and it was one of the most adorable things Akko had ever seen. 

“Only if we wear our onsies to the store.” She arched an eyebrow playfully as Diana hummed in exaggerated thought.

“You drive a hard bargain Ms. Kagari, but I accept.” Akko giggled as she pulled Diana to her feet, going in for a kiss the second she was steady on her feet. 

When they’d first met, Akko had thought the blonde had been one of the snobbiest, prideful people she’d ever met, but as she’d gotten to know her, Diana had turned out to be soft, serious yes, but soft, caring and wonderful in every way that really mattered. When they’d started dating, she’d also discovered that the older girl could be down right silly when she was feeling playful, which had resulted in the order of their matching Shiney Chariot onsies. 

Pulling away from Diana, she giggled as she darted down the hall to their room, knowing their onsies were hanging in their closet on the left side, hidden by an empty dry cleaning bag. It had been a surprise when they’d arrived in the mail, but a pleasant one; one that had solidified the the thought of “I’m going to marry this girl” in her mind. 

[ladykristianna]

Sleepers - Part 8

The story continues...

Today’s part is a bit longer than usual. Twice as long as I usually write! My writer’s juices were flowing. Nevermind, that sounds gross. How about “my muse was in town” or “I had a lot of decent ideas?” Either way, I was feeling it, so more to read today you guys. Enjoy.

This is a longer story that I have been writing in web serial style for funsies as a side project. It’s lightly based on a writing prompt I found on the /r/writingprompts subreddit. Two complete strangers, Jess and David, have awoken in a strange forest surrounded by sleeping people. None of the others will awaken, except when and ominous voice rings out among the trees, raising the others in a sort of trancelike state. Jess and David escape into the woods with more questions than answers. This story is part Lost, part The Walking Dead, part The Martian, with lots of other science-fiction bits thrown in.

Start from the beginning [Part 1] Read the previous chapter [Part 7]

Read more of my writing.

Sleepers - Part 8 (2508 word count)

JESS

It was dark, abysmally so, and my skin was crawling as if thousands of insects were crawling across. There was a thin sheen of sweat lining my forehead. A thin line of sweat dripped down the plane of my face towards my eyes. I tried to reach up to wipe it  away, but my arms were strapped down, as was the rest of my body. For a moment I struggled to free myself. I tried to strain my neck to turn my head or shift my legs but I couldn’t move. I stopped struggling, and tried to relax myself, but my body thrummed with tension. How did I get here? Where was here?

The darkness was violently interrupted with a bright violet tinted light. I shut my eyes and squinted them back open gradually to let them adjust. I couldn’t see anything except what was directly above me. Everything was a jumble of burred shapes. I heard the sharp hiss of pressurized air and then voices. A door? I abruptly closed my eyes. I didn’t want my captors to see me awake. I listened closely for any information that I could get from these people, except the voices were speaking in a language I didn’t understand. I inwardly groaned with frustration. They stopped talking and it was quiet for a few minutes.

Did they leave? Of course they didn’t because when I opened my eyes again there were three figures standing over me. I gasped. They looked like people, but off. They were too tall and too thin and their eyes too large with pupils that reminded me of a lizard or a cat. Their faces and skin looked similar enough to human, but they were completely hairless. The differences were enough to be off putting. But then anything would be off putting when you’re strapped immobile to a table with what were obviously aliens leaning over you.

Sometimes I don’t make the best decisions. I have been called irrational at times. I don’t think bursting out into nervous laughter at three aliens was the best decision. Of course I would get abducted by aliens the same day I lost my job. Of course. Because I have the best luck. They looked back and forth at each other, confusion evident in their catlike eyes. I guess confusion was a universal emotion. They conversed to each other in their lyrical speech, which really was quite interesting to listen to, in spite of the situation.

“So what’s next guys? Are you going to probe me? Experiment away! It’s not like my day could get any worse.” I cackled in my panic. “Of course aliens would abduct me because the universe can’t get enough of shitting on Jess!”

One of the aliens, I decided to call him (her, it?) Grey because of his grey eyes, was holding a tablet-like device that was emitting low tones and beeps. Probably diagnostics of some kind. Grey was legitimately smirking at me. Or what seemed to be smirking. Blue, who had brilliant ocean blue eyes, said something to him/her/it. All three of them looked down at me, obviously confused again. The last one, Green, turned and retrieved something. Clicking noises. More tones and beeps from the tablet device. More strange lyrical speech. Then a sting in the muscle of my upper arm. The world went dark again.

***

Making a fire was hard. I told my father this, and he laughed at me.

“Most things in life are hard, but you always get that sense of accomplishment when you finish something difficult. Especially if it’s something most people can’t do,” he said with a wink.

I worked at the bow drill for a long time until the blessing of a tendril of smoke emerged from the friction below. I let out a whoop of excitement. “I did it Dad!”

“Finish it up!” he smiled. “You’re not done yet, but you’re almost there.”

My father clapped me on the back as we watched the tiny fire burst into life before us. He pulled out a bag of marshmallows from his pack. I squealed with excitement because nothing can make a ten year old quite so happy as campfire toasted marshmallows. It was just me and my father out in the woods with nothing but our tent, the sunset, and sticky marshmallow fingers. I leaned against him and listened to his silly stories about someone he met at his work or his weird reimaginings of fairy tales. I drifted off to sleep on his shoulder, content and happy.

***

“Mom, you have to get up. You have work today.”

She was laying in bed almost as if she had melted into the mattress. Her eyes opened and she looked up at the ceiling, but it was as if she were seeing something else. Her eyes were glazed as if she were dead. She shifted onto her side, slow and lethargic and faced the wall ignoring me.

I shook her shoulder. “Mom, come on. I made you some scrambled eggs for breakfast. All you have to do is get up. You have to eat something.”

She didn’t move. She said nothing. “Okay. Um. I’m going to put your plate here on your nightstand, okay? I’m going to be late for school. Do you want me to call in for you at work?”

Nothing.

I let out a long sigh. “Bye, Mom. I’ll see you when I get home.”

I gathered up my textbooks and other school things and stuffed them into my backpack. I’d have to walk again. I couldn’t wait until I was sixteen and I could drive the car. It would definitely make things a lot easier for me.

The number to the department store where my mother worked was on a magnet on the refrigerator. I didn’t need it. I had the number memorized by now. I picked up the phone and dialed. “Can I talk to Robert please?”

I waited a moment. It wasn’t long before he picked up, “This is Robert speaking.”

I cleared my throat. “Hi Robert. This is Jess, Carolyn’s daughter.”

“Hello Jess. How is Carolyn doing?”

I searched for the right words. “She’s… sick again. She won’t be able to come in today.”

I heard a long sigh on the other end of the phone. “Jess, thanks for letting me know, but you can’t keep covering for her. You know that right? Tell your mother that we can’t keep doing this. This has happened too many times. I’m sorry, but she’s going to have to find some other employment. It’s a scramble every time this happens to find someone to cover her shift. I’m sorry, Jess.”

“Okay. Okay. Alright. I’ll let her know.”

“I’m sorry that-“ I hung up the phone before he could finish. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and walked out the front door.

***

Indiana Jones was on television that night. Raiders of the Last Ark. It was right at the beginning where Indy was escaping from the cave with the golden idol. My mother was sitting on the couch next to me holding a giant bowl of popcorn. Even though we’d seen the movie numerous times before, it was one of our traditions to watch it every time it came on tv and obnoxiously sing along with the theme music. The booby traps were  flying through the air, and I threw a handful of popcorn at her. “Popcorn booby trap!”

My mother grinned and threw some back at me. “This means war!” She was mid throw when the phone rang. “Ugh. I really need to get a cell phone. It would make life so much easier,” she said as she made her way to the dining room where our landline was.

I turned back to the tv. It was at the part where Indiana was pointing at the huge old book and explaining what the Ark of the Covenant was. There was a loud thump behind me. I turned around and saw my mother on the floor, the phone held limply in her hands and staring off into space at something I couldn’t see. I rushed over to her, the popcorn and Indiana Jones forgotten.

“Mom! What happened? Are you okay?”

She swallowed thickly. A sheen of tears formed in her eyes. “There’s been an accident. Your father…” My mother broke down and began to wail.

***

There were only three people working today. And it was busy. The other waitress Lydia had called in sick. Again. Honestly, she probably just had a hangover. Again. Lydia was part of the party crowd in our sad little town. When there wasn’t much to do, people did drugs, partied, or got out of Dodge. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the money for any of those things, so I just worked, and this was the crappiest job I’d ever had.

After my mother had passed away, I’d gone halfway across the country to live with some distant relation of my father’s in this tiny little podunk town in hicksville. The people spoke with southern drawls and talked about farming, country music, and beer a lot. It was the worst, but after a while I was able to get legally emancipated. Managing work and school was hard, but I graduated high school with honors, and now I was saving up to get out and go to a college an hour away.

The downside was I was stuck working at this stupid little hole in the wall diner because there weren’t any other options in this stupid town. How I wished there were other options. Joe, the owner, was barking out orders to me and Rodriguez. Rodriguez was the cook and was damn good at his job. For some reason he went only by his last name. I didn’t judge. I didn’t go by my given name either. He was a cool guy. Joe on the other hand was a greasy slime ball who put way too much hair gel in his hair and wore a cowboy hat everywhere, even when he was working. At least the cowboy hat gave me enough warning in my peripheral vision when he was coming, so I could move to anywhere else except where he was going to be. If I wasn’t careful, I’d get my ass pinched or he’d corner me and talk about his sexual prowess. It was disgusting. I knew Lydia had slept with him, and now he was working on me. Again, disgusting.

It was a Saturday morning, one of the busiest days of the week. I was inwardly cursing Lydia. Joe was mostly useless, so it was just me and Rodriguez really working the breakfast rush. My hair was pulled back in a ponytail, my apron was on, and I was ready to go. On the bright side, I was going to get more tips today with Lydia gone.

By the time the rush was over, I was tired out of my mind, but my apron was full of tips, so it was all good. The place had emptied out, and I was taking a break at one of the tables by the front window. Rodriguez was out back smoking. I nibbled at a grilled ham and cheese sandwich and watched a storm roll in. Suddenly Joe was sitting across from me.  Damn it to hell.

“Do you need something Joe? I’m taking my break.”

He reached out over the table and started running his finger up and down my arm. “No I don’t need anything. Can’t I just sit down with my prettiest waitress?” He grinned. I put down my sandwich and pulled my arm under the table. I tried not to shudder. Well, visibly anyway.

“Can you please stop doing that? Can I just eat my lunch please?” I stared down at the swirling green patterns on the table. Anything to avoid eye contact with Joe.

He ignored me. “Jessalyn,” he rolled the name off his tongue like oil. “That is such a pretty name for such a pretty girl. I don’t know why you go by Jess. Makes ya sound like a boy.” He lowered his voice to a lascivious growl. “And you are definitely not a boy.” His eyes raked up and down my front, and I could almost feel his sweaty fingers touching me.

I glanced out the window. The sky was getting darker outside with the coming storm. “Well, would you look at that!” I abruptly stood up and slammed my hands on the table. “It looks like it’s going to rain. I should probably go roll up my windows on my car!”

I made my way to go past him, but he reached out and yanked my arm. I stumbled and fell into his lap. “Now, I know your car is just fine,” he mumbled into my neck. I stiffened. His hand roamed up my thigh under my skirt.

“Let me go. Please.” I didn’t want to lose this job, but there were limits.

His fingers trailed in little circles along the inside of my leg. “Now, now, Jessalyn. No need to play hard to get. I’ve seen the way you look at me.” He trailed wet sloppy kisses my neck. In what dream world of his had I ever looked at him in anyway except a slimy greaseball? “So damn pretty,” he mumbled.

“I think you’ve got the wrong idea, Joe. Let me go.” This time I said it louder and with more conviction. “Please move your hand,” I added diplomatically. Damnit, I needed this job. Why couldn’t there be anywhere else to work in this godforsaken town?

He moved his hand, but didn’t let me go. Joe grasped the side of my head and roughly pulled my face down to meet his in the most disgusting kiss I’d ever experienced. In a knee-jerk reaction I pulled back and tipped the chair over. We both fell onto the floor, but not before Joe’s head met the edge of the table in a loud crack.

A river of blood flowed down from a gash in his forehead into his eye. Joe wasn't feeling quite so amorous now. “You little bitch,” he growled from his rightful place on the floor. “You’re fired. I wasted too much time on you. Get out.”

“You know what, Joe? You can’t fire me, because I quit. You are an asshole of the lowest kind. I’m tired of your harassment and disgusting advances. I wouldn’t sleep with you if you were the last man on Earth. I hope you die in a hole with only your chlamydia to keep you company. Fuck you.” I flashed him both my middle fingers and stormed out.

I slammed the back door, and stomped past a bewildered Rodriguez puffing on a cigarette on the steps. “Sorry dude. It’s just you and Joe now.” I half-heartedly waved to him and got into my car.

Just as it started to rain, I realized I had forgotten my sandwich. Damnit.

[To be continued...]