#and then its been a month and i still havent responded and now i just cant respond anymore

[mymp3]

not responding to people will be my downfall as a human I think

[the-kipsabian]

also lmao i havent received rejection emails in a while since i didnt apply to anything the entire last month, oh how fun that you have returned to me again disappointment in my ability to go for entry level positions /s

[despite-everything]

hold on im sadposting

okay this is depressing but i cant get it out of my head. my closest friends have been asking me for a while to be honest and open about my mental health stuff, but i really only started sharing what its actually like recently. and then they got super worried and invested and then they inadvertently triggered and had to witness one of the worst ptsd attacks ive had in years and now things feel so strained. i reached out and explained what happened and why, as well as more details about what was going on that they didn't understand, as well as advice for how to help in the future. it was so fucking hard to do but they replied that they appreciated it and love me and all that. but both of them are leaving town this weekend and havent seen me since the incident, and we texted briefly once or twice and they said they'd figure out when to see me this week before they leave, but didn't. i reached out again today because i'm more schedule-oriented than they are, but no response. so there's only 2 days where they could possibly see me now (due to my work schedule) and i'm doubting it's going to happen. and then both of them will be out of town for a week, then we have a week and a half of classes left, so i probably won't see them much. then it's winter break, and i'll be alone again for several weeks. they said they'd like to go on a trip with me, but haven't confirmed anything at all so i think i'm going alone (i'm not shocked by that one - i was doing the trip anyway and figured they'd enjoy it, but i also didn't get my hopes up). and the thing is that they're good people. but ive lost friends before when they learned what i'm really like, and i think it might be happening again. i try so hard to get better but the fact is that ive spent my entire life sad. like some of my earliest memories are of hiding away and crying. and ive been in and about of treatment since 2008. i want to be optimistic, but my dad has told me he's felt this way for more than 40 years, and i'm scared that's going to be me too. the best i've felt in years was in the rainforest, and even then, the anxiety was lifted but i was so sad i could cry at any moment. i don't like living like this! i dont! and i do try so fucking hard to be better and do better. but i think my friends aren't going to be able to handle having a friend like me and i feel like i've fucked up years of work on building a close and healthy friendship by being fucking insane.

[the-anime-enthusiast]

As per request of @tired-jaz here's some dabi fluff for the touya fans 😈 This is purely fluff but here's a lil quick disclaimer ⚠️ jaz this isn't totally what you asked for but Its still fluff and got some pretty sweet stuff in it 😭(pun intended) HOPE YALL ENJOY‼️

NOT AS SWEET

AS YOU (dabi x reader)

DAY ONE ☎️

"3 months, THREE WHOLE MONTHS NAKI. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? I havent felt the touch of aan, MY MAN, in three whole months", you scream into the phone, not caring the damage youve dealt to your sisters eardrums.

"Y/N" she screams back.

"Yes..." you retorted sheepishly with a slight ansgt.

"Isnt he coming bacm in like what? 3 DAYS?? I hate to break it to you gurl, BUT PLEASE, calm down, I get it but he'll be there soon."

"BUT"

"NO. NO BUTS. What happened to the logical and rational you i know? The one dabi fell in love with? Youll have him all to yourself in no time. I know its hard, especially cause you haven't been able to talk to him either, but honey please. Hell be there alright. ALRIGHT?"

you sigh, "I'll calm down. You're right I guess, don't wanna embarrass myself in front of him after 3 months..." you breathe out staring at your feet face reddening at the thought of your desperate actions. "I just miss him, a lot."

"Y/n...I get it, i really do, and i hate to do this right now, but i have to go, if you need anything youll tell me right?"

"Yeah yeah you know I will", you respond rolling your eyes simultaneously.

"REMEMBER" the sudden loud tone sending you to jump up, "3 DAYS THEN HES ALL YOURS. BYE BYE!" she acreams ending the call with a kissy sound.

Your hand drops down, looking at the caller ID

"I know" you wisper to yourself.

DAY TWO 💤

Grogginess? She practically your bestfriend you think rolling over to the other aide of your bed, arm slewn over your back orher cupping the side of the pillow youve found yourself clutching for dear life to the past couple of months.

"Dabi..." you whisper, eyes squeezing shut trying to imagine his face again as you bury your face into the pillow

"please come home" is the last thing your pillow hears before you pass out on top of it wishing it was him you were on top of instead.

Nothing could quite distract you from his absence like sleeping your life away.

DAY THREE 🍰

Anxiety was eating you alive like you were the twilight saga and a book worm was having a feild day.

"Nothing has changed between us right?" you thought. "Right?" you repeat to yourself, a sickening smile creeping on your face with tears pricked in the corners of your eyes.

"NO" you yell sitting up to hang of your bed.

"I WILL NOT BE SAD. I REFUSE. ONE MORE DAY

"Y/N. YOU GOT THIS! I GOT THIS? I GOT THIS." you chant storming to your kitchen. Given the ungodly amount of sleep you got yesterday, you hadnt eaten barely anything but leftover cookies and some milk.

"OH. MY. GOD." you aggravatingly sighed out

"I'M SO DAMN HUNGRY" followed by a whine as the refridgerator swining open, and then the realization hit you, you wouldn't be surprised if dust and a moth flew out with the door.

"DAMN INGREDIENT HOUSEHOLD WHAT THE HELL" you yell falling to your knees while slamming the fridge shut, followed by a bang on the door with your fist.

Your head soon met the door as well with your begging you from 2 weeks ago to stop the decision of purely doordashing food to your front door while dabi was gone, leaving you broke as hell. Checking your bank account wasn't any better than the fridge, but in optimism you tell yourself, if theres one thing an ingredient household will get you, its crazy amazing dessert recipes made out of practically thin air.

-skip to later that night-

"Holy shit-" you breathe out

"Holy fucking shit, so. much. dessert. So many... everything?" you question scanning your kitchen surroundings, brownies, cookies, Tres Leches, cookie dough, instant jello, popsicles?

"How in the actual hell...did i make...popsicles..."

you whisper before collapsing of exhaustion.

Slowly picking up your phone to check the time, you read 2:45 a.m.

Following is a look of worry, exhaustion, and confusion as you pass out on the kitchen floor.

DAY FOUR - DABI'S COMING HOME

My keys slowy make their way into the key hole, first sturggling due to my franticness to see her. My girl.

"y/n" I whisper out getting frustrated that the key keeps getting stuck.

"Dammit!' i whisper yell as the door finnalg flys open crashing against the wall behind it.

"What the hell? Why does it smell like...HUH?"

He screeches feasting his eyes on the copious piles of desserts covering every kitchen surface.

"What the hell..." he whispers, barely taking the time to notice you crashed out on the kitchen floor.

"Y/n..." he whispers leaning down to you, a look of pity and concern stretching across his otherwise emotionless face.

"baby..." is the last thing he says before reaching behind your neck and waist to hoist you up into his arms.

A feeling of warmth overcomes your body, a feeling of comfort, one you cant quit explain while wrapped up in your Candy Land like dream, one where you of all people were a diety of dessert. Slowly coming back to consciousness you hear the words of your lover...

"baby" you feel whispered against your ear, the familar voice sending shocks through your body.

No matter the lack of sleep and energy spent on your Master Chef Desserts you shot up clinging to dabi like it was the last time.

"DABI" you screeched into his ear as he pulls you in closer.

He presses a kiss to your ear, "hey princess, missed you baby" he says pressing a second one right after the other.

The feeling practically melts you, nothing beats some sweet love from your lover, especially the physical lind.

"Dabi" you sigh

"Yes princess?"

"Kiss me again?"

"Hm?"

You grab his collar pulling his face for his eyes to look into yours.

"KISS ME" you growl locking his eyes with yours noticing the sly smirk spreading across his beautiful face.

"Alright alright, i heard you the first time" he chuckles cupping your cheek and pulling your waist flush against his stomach.

"Since you ask so nicely..." he teases bringing your face close to his.

You can't explain it, maybe its the lack of him you've experienced the past three months or his overall deamenor but its like you cant think anymore. Everythings fuzzy, your nose filled with the smell of the previously baked sweets mixed with the ash and cigarette smell on his collar. You lose complete control melting into his hands, making him work to keep your body up as his lips meet yours. You make note of the gentleness he's displaying, something not often seen, even behind closed doors. It doesn't feel like hes going to give you the night of your life, or like hes about to do whataver he wants to you, he feels like he's about to hold you until the sun comes up, bury his head in your neck, lay you on his chest kissing your head, whispering sweet nothings like

"you're so beautiful baby..."

or

"i missed you so much" followed by his nose burrowing in your hair.

'you miss me too pretty girl?"

maybe a

"Im here its alright princess..."

or maybe

"you need anything baby?"

its almost out of charcter for him, but somethings changed, the way he holds you, something happened. He holds you now like hes actaully scared to lose you. His kiss isn't filled with lust, but love, pure innocent love, one you've never felt, you think leaning more into the kiss slowly making your backs way down to the floor.

His lips press deeper into yours, never wanting to leave but nevertheless he pulls away leaning over your frozen body beneath him.

"Baby" he whispers moving your face so his eyes meet his, given you were hiding it out of embarrassment.

"Yes..." you wisper back peering up into his beautiful eyes, taking note of the difference in his stare. He holds there for awhile, staring into your eyes, searching in them like he'll find something, still holding your face lovingly.

Your left hand comes to meet his hand on your face cupping over it shooting him a small smile.

"Dabi? "

"Hm?" he hums back seeming to come back to reality.

"S-sorry" he stutters a bit, a like shade of pink running across his cheecks.

Your smile never leaves as you bring your other hand up to meet his face, pulling it down to your head to rest his forehead against yours.

"I love you" you whisper.

"Hm..." he hums with a slight chuckle sending a look of horror to your face. His laugh grows as he puts more pressure against your foreheads.

"I'm just teasing baby" he says moving his mouth to kiss your forehead as he pulls you up to sit with him, pulling his hand of your cheek to allow more balance on the way up.

"Just teasing" he repeats moving to kiss your cheek allowing another small smile to come up on your face as his hand meets your face again. He follows with small kisses peppering across your cheeks, forehead, nose, jaw line, and even some daring to your neck. All that's heard throughout your shared apartment is small giggles and the sound of his lips coming off of your skin.

"Hey princess" he says looking for some focus as he comes up to cup both your cheeks.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Your face goes an ungodly red.

"Hm?" you question, face blank, leaving him to chuckle to himself.

"I love you baby" he repeats giving you a warm smile leaning his forhead bacm against yours.

"I..." you smile back... "I love you too dabi" you whisper allowing his lips to come back to yours for one final kiss before your mouths are otherwise occupied scarfing down the pile of treats waiting for you on the counter.

"Pretty sweet huh?" you tease bumping your hips into his.

"Not as sweet as you baby" he replies a sweet smile spreading on both your faces as you match each other's gaze.

[antiwhores]

I really loved ur short story ‘Bakugou’s game’ I would love to see a part 2 of it. Maybe a few months later or something reader is trying to get over bakugou and is really cold to him when he tries to fix their relationship and he sees her at a party with a date and he gets super jealous and possessive after seeing them together. Which leads to make up sex and hopefully reader giving bakugou a chance to make it up to her. Or be totally angsty and make reader pull a uno reverse of him.

Bakugou’s Game: Part 2.

Requested by: @jasmixs @ooftrain-12 @tsukikoxo @coffeeginie

Part one: https://antiwhores.tumblr.com/post/693877274172440576/bakugous-game

Sorry this shit took so long frfr. Ive been SO busy lately to the point its actually insane. Havent had time to even write a sliver of this. Yall probably lost interest but ill post it anyone out of respect for the og request

Warnings: Jealousy, minor violence (reader slaps bakugou again LOL L bozo), rough sex, creampie, happy ending and shit, make up sex, NOT EDITED - BARE WITH ME HERE.

Bakugou was misreable without you, the break up eats him away until he forced himself to go out to speak to you.

Bakugou never understood the idea of someone being so sorrowful about a break up that they forget their pride and beg for the person back. That is, until now. He’s starting to understand why people take break ups so badly. Cause he’s taking it badly.

Everyday is a new thing to notice. Everyday is a new thing he didn’t even know he was used to after dating you so long gone.

When he came home to his apartment you weren’t there to welcome him. When he walked past the bathroom you wernt there to sing horrible on purpose in the shower to annoy him. When he ate at the table you wernt there to tell him about your day in an exaggerated tone. When he sat down on the bed without changing you wernt there to yell at him for his outside clothes touching the clean mattress. When he spiced his food to hot you wernt there to dramatically cough and pretend to fall over. When he woke up in the middle of the night you weren’t there to tell him to “close them damn eyes again”.

Everything was different. He hasn’t moved a single bit of his furniture yet the house changed drastically.

He started to lack on his chores, throwing himself into his hero work. He exhausted his body to the point of throwing up. That and the combination of the lack of sleep and the lack of rest.

He had nightmares of how he acted. It would usually play out with you doing what he did to you. It was insufferable. Every single thing in his dream was something that he’s done before.

He looked down at his phone with his newly founder insomniac eyes.

Doll, Im so sorry. It will NEVER happen again. Im a fucking idiot and I’d do anything to make it up to you. Please just respond back.

Read 34 days ago

Y/n, I see you reading my texts. Just please let me apologize.

Read 33 days ago

Do you still want that car? I know you told me to not buy it but I’ll order it without a second thought if you talk to me. Please.

Read 32 days ago

Okay, Im sorry about the car thing. That was weird. I don’t think you’re a prize to be won with money. I just want you back.

Seen 31 days ago

Stopping by your house today, I need to see you.

Seen 29 days ago

Im sorry. I can’t loose you y/n. I cant.

Seen 27 days ago

My mom is so mad at me. I dont blame her, loosing you is like loosing half of my heart.

Seen 25 days ago

Its been so long since I’ve lived without you I dont know how to do its

Seen 23 days ago

Please love me again.

Seen 22 days ago

I know you see these. Do you enjoy seeing me like this?

Seen 19 days ago

I love you.

Seen 16 days ago

No other person will ever count to me. That stupid bitch at the bar is nothing compared to you. None of them are.

Seen 15 days ago

I left a letter under your mattress. Please read it.

Seen 12 days ago

Coming to your house tomorrow, I really need to see you. I’ll do anything.

Seen 9 days ago

The notes still here, you really break my heart. You know that?

Seen 8 days ago.

I still love you.

Seen 5 days ago

Ill fucking never look at another girl again. Swear.

Seen 4 days ago

I love you even more today

Seen 2 days ago

Whenever you’re ready.

Sent just now.

It was true, you read every single text. You read them almost 10 times over. You weren’t ready to respond.

At first, Bakugou’s texts confused you. This was against his pride. He would never suck up to you like this. So you laid it down to drunk, sad, sleepy, and/or desperate texts. It wasn’t his character so naturally you went looking for answers.

The last month has been terrible for you too. You were staying at your bestfriends house, who was GLAD to have you.

You avoided everything that mentioned him. News, certain social media platforms, public areas, etc. if it wasnt for your friend, you wouldve never gone out.

After that last text he stopped reaching out for the coming months. Things were peaceful, you were okay.

You hadn’t gone back to any club/parties since the incident. But your friend, being a party person, forced you out to a nearby club. They also made you agree to going with this guy, whatever his name was, to have a little blind date. Your friend figured it’d been a couple months and you needed to touch some bitches. You were against it, still getting over Bakugou, but they used the favor you owed them to seal the deal.

So now you found yourself at the club, chatting with a guy at one of the booths. He was actually tolerable, not your type romantically, but someone you’d be friends with. You supposed that the first step to a relationship was being friends so you continued to persue.

He was rather handsome too, not godly handsome like your ex- you needed to stop doing that. Comparing everyone to Bakugou is whats gonna make you single for life. Bakugou was not an easy man to pass.

You laughed at his joke as he continued to tell it. “Yeah man, she was crazy! She ended up calling my mom and telling her that I had set the house on fire! My mom was worried to death! Then she hit me after she found out the house was okay like I told her!”

You shook your head, “Exes man, I swear!” He leaned down towards you, “You got any exes that make you want to start a war?” You immediately nodded, “My last ex was a handful.” “Did he tell your mom you set the house on fire too?” You laughed, “Nahh, thatd be so much easier to manage. My ex, well, he-“

Prying red eyes watched you from the corner of the room. Bakugou didn’t even wanna come to this club tonight. He was, like you, forced to come out of pity of his friends. To think he could’ve missed the chance to see you and this guy flirting and laughing together.

It could be a close friend, maybe a relative, he didnt know. He wasnt close enough to make oht a single word. There was some part of him that aas glad for that nad another part that was incredibly annoyed.

No matter who it was, Bakugou’s hands started to smoke up. His teeth gritted hard against eachother. While he was moaping and suffering you were over here on what looks like a date?

It took everything in him to not just stomp over there and drag you away from the piece of shit. He was glad he hadn’t enough alcohol in him to follow those urges… to a degree.

So he waited. He waited for an opportunity. And he sure as hell got one.

“Oh!” You gasp at the ringing of your phone. You tilt the screen towards you before looking back up at your date with apologetic eyes. “Sorry, I absolutely need to take this!” He laugh, “its okay!” His back cracks when he lifts his arms to stretch. “I needa go to the restroom anyway!”

You smiled that smile that he loved. The smile that should only be directed at him. Not at some random guy you just met.

He stalked carefully behind the guy until he was walking into the back hallway with him. The guy barely had a chance to comprehend a single thought before he was slammed up against the wall with his shirt fisted by the blonde.

The man looked startled and freightened. Who wouldnt be? Bakugou’s stare was one to rival Medusa’s. He felt frozen by the pure hatred glazed over.

“What the hell are you doing with y/n.” The sentence came out between his teeth. The man put his hands up defensively, “Aye man, we’re just on a blind date!”

Bakugou’s palms sparkled threateningly, “Im gonna give yoh one chance,” He leaned down to be exactly in the guys face, “Fuck. Off.”

That was all the guy needed before he was out of the door and on his way home. An immediate wave of relief washed over him at the thought of the date finally ending. The positive emotions quickly disappeared at the sound of a famiiar voice, his favorite voice. “Seriously?”

He snapped his head over to look at you. You were even more heavenly up close, just as he remmebered but better. Your arms were folded and you looked at him with such disapproval that he wanted to immediately crawl to his knees and apologize.

“We’re not even fucking dating anymore. You just chased off my date.” He winced, “Fuck.” You scoffed at his curse to whomever. “I should be saying that not you. Leave me alone, asshat.”

Before he could stop himself he had grabbed your arm and pulled you into the closest vacant guest room. He pinned you against the doorway. You were wide eyed and your mouth slightly open. It had happened in an instant, so fast your brain was still trying to comprehend him grabbing your wrist.

Bakugou bit his lip so hard you thought it would bleed. He didn’t know were to start. This day had been rehearsed in his mind over and over again. Yet the words, the speeches, and the numerous i love you’s were gone.

“Im sorry.” Was all he could get out. Your eyebrows furrowed when he mumbled the words. He snaked his hand around your waist as he whispered in your ear. “Im sorry. Im sorry, swear on it y/n. Talk to me again. I miss you. I’m sorry.”

His head dove into your neck, kissing and sucking on every sensitive spot he gained access too. You didnt even have time to gasp before his thigh pried both your legs open. He grinded the muscle against you.

It took everything in your being to not just give in and let him pleasure you. The resolve in your head, the one that told you that him acting like this is conmmunication is what ended the relationship in the first place, slapped the hell out of you though.

His face broke as you roughly pushed him away. He whimpered while trying to trail his hands on his belt to unbuckle it.

The skin of your palm met his face quickly. He completely stopped this time. The sound of the slap reverbing in his head along with the sting. Not just the sting of the slap, but the sting of knowing he fucked up again.

“Have you learnt anything?!” You yelled, tears brimming in your eyes. “This is the reason we broke up! You can’t resolve everything with sex!” You jammed your finger into his chest, “Start thinking with your head instead of your dick! After all this time, I thought you changed. Im so ignorant.”

You turned to leave out the door. Bakugou saw everything flash before his eyes. He saw the relationship you and him had before. He saw the relationship you could have now. And he saw the relationship that fucked up and now has fucked up his life.

“I dont know HOW!” He didn’t mean to yell, really. But something just snapped in him. You stopped to listen so he continued. “I’ve spent the last several weeks missing you. I never even realized how much I fucking… damn it!”

The knot in his throat was getting tighter. You hadn’t turned around yet. “But I just dont know how…” His voice broke halfway through the sentence. He wrapped his arms around you. You felt no lustful intent, only the desire to hold his #1. “I only know how to show my love through fucking. I can be more open! I just dont know how!”

He started to shake, squeezing you even tighter. After a long while, you finally spoke.

“Then I’ll teach you how.” He looks up in bewilderment, is this you forgiving him? In one swift movement you pushed yourself towards him. You grabbed his worried face, tilting him up to look you in the eyes. He was panicked, a panick you’ve only seen a few times since knowing him. “But for now, tell me how you feel in the ways you understand.”

He seemed confused when your hands encircled around his belt and snagged it off. “What? Wait-“ you cut him off with a hefty palm on his clothed cock. His breath caught into his throat. He barely chocked back the moan that you attempted to tear from him as you dove your hands under his pants. He was puzzled, yet his arousal and the feels of your hands encircle around his throbbing cock hypnotized him.

Instinctively, he reached between your legs to rub you in return. He whined when your hand gently pulled his away. “I’m okay, you just focus.”

Easy for you to say, he thought, or atleast tried to. It wasn’t easy to focus on the situation when you began to pull his cock out and rub it against your entrance. It felt too good. It had been too long. Too long having to rub himself out to a picture of you. The real deal felt euphoric.

His hips bucked into yours, starting at a brutal pace. He picked up your legs to give himself more range. The sounds of skin on skin were loud, not as loud as the combined sound of the moans and groans you both chocked out, but loud.

He tilted his head back, his whole chest was flushed a deep red. He cursed into your neck where he had begun to lick and suck. “Damn it, I-I missed you.” Your whole body tensed when he angled himself to hit that spot deep inside of you. It was your turn to curse.

“I just- these past couple of weeks- nghhh… ive been- I cant live without you alright!” His thrusts picked up, “I regret everything I have ever done to make you upset- hhhnnm…”

Tears well up in your eyes when you start to reach your orgasm. You weren’t gonna last long either. Like him, the sensation was a lot after being away from eachother so long. He had forgotten his strength as he thrusted into you so hard you wouldn’t doubt if angry bruises were already forming.

“Katsuki… I love you,” You whined desperately. He started to unwind, tensing and untenseing, when you came around his cock while moans spilled through your mouth. It almost hurt how stong the orgasm was. Almost.

He bite into his lips so hard it began to draw blood. “Fuck, I love you too y/n! So fucking much!” With that he exploded inside you. His hot seed painted your walls without missing a single spot.

He slowly lifts you down to your feet, only to stabalize you when your knees buckle. He wrapped his arms around you, “I fucking missed you.” You breathed in deeply when he kissed at your temple, “I missed you too Katsuki.”

[undeadyetalive]

5 months!! on testosterone and 27 days till my mastectomy

some things ive noticed in the last month:

-still pain in my throat from the voice changes, both randomly and when i overuse or raise it.

-the hair on my chest is also getting longer and thicker, cant call it chest hair yet, but its doing something

-the hair on my sideburns and chin is slowly becoming thicker and more visible

-ive been exersizing again cause i really couldnt keep waiting till i got more energy again, because t has been making me really tired. also my surgery results are better when i work out my chest so thats a really good motivator. ive noticed my stamina improving faster and especially my legs have been getting slimmer (?) i think. i did have the most horrible backpain the first weeks but its gone now.

-my mental health has really been improving, i survived a really stressful exam week mentally better than i ever have i think.

also im just so excited for my top surgery, i already bought new pj's with buttons in the front so i can actually dress myself after surgery. these small preperations just bring me so much joy. i cant wait. im curious how my body will respond given ive never had surgery before, but were just gonna have to find that out.

the only downside is that i cant get piercings in the meantime cause i gotta take all my piercings out for surgery and i dont want a hurting piercing and chest. its better tbh my industrial and eyebrow still havent completely healed.

the 29th i have a call with my surgeon about the specific technique i want and am getting so ill update after that!!

[ftmgirlcunthole]

i've been lurking the forced misgen/forced feminisation/humiliation/forced breast expansion side of tumblr for a while- you're actually the first blog i've interacted with- i've been on t for about 4/5 months now and i dont know what's happening its just that my nipples have been so sensitive and i cant bind due to medical stuff so i just have this double d tits jumping around all day- i mean i can feel them moving constantly, rubbing against tables and things- and cuz of the t weight gain all my shirts have gotten smaller so they're just pressing up against the cotton.. it makes me so wet, i dont know what to do i spent a good hour just rubbing my nipples i mean what the fuck i've never been that wet before EVER and it didnt stop it just kept spiraling and now trying to work out how to get womens underwear without outing myself (im in a small town) and how i can reach my g-spot with my own fingers- god i want to submit to this ftmgirl thing but im still selfaware enough to be utterly humiliated by it, can i get some thoughts from a ftmgirlie?

i am so flattered that im one of the first blogs you've interacted with!! also im so proud of you for reaching out girl💗💖, it can be scary and intimidating to do at first but its definitely the right thing.

its very common that when us girls go on t, instead of it making us into men, it makes us into sluts💖. if you give a female a "man" sex drive what do you expect will happen? its kind of silly how surprised we all get when a couple months in our cunts start begging us for cock and to become bitches in heat💕, but only real men are really capable of handling that sex drive as nature intended💗.

so it makes perfect sense that your female nipples are responding too, theyre asking you to listen to your biology, thats why you get wet too! your pussy and your body loves your gorgeous, plush tits. im so glad you havent gotten rid of them either, neither have i and im so relieved. its also so relatable that once you give in to one thing (sensitive nipples💖) you quickly fall down the rabbit hole and give in to the next thing (girls underwear💗) and the next thing (finding your g spot🌸 ). us girls are kind of weak willed like that hehe🥰

i think being utterly humiliated by making such a silly mistake and confusing yourself for a man is a good thing, i completely relate, everyday im humiliated by myself and how pathetic i am and you know what? it makes my pussy even more soaked!🌸 females are designed this way, and no matter whether we take t or call ourselves men we just cannot escape our biology💗 and theres something really beautiful about that.

just give in, it will feel insanely good and way better than pretending to be a man ever could, fuck your cunt, jiggle your tits, buy that pretty pink dress and those lacy bra and panties you keep staring at, be the girl you know you are alongside me - im still on my journey too! and asks like these help convince me as well 💗

[tweeterwilbury]

not to yap at you but i just wanted to respond to ur tags. imo the concept of the monkees IS kinda more interesting and it does make it hard to get into if ur wanting to see that part of it. esp cus u need the show to get it and it can be a little dated bc its the 60s and there is weird racism that made me like Woah Now. and theres not as much to analyze in terms of the fake band stuff. but its really worth it to go through most of the episodes at least cus it sets up a lot of what u need to know for head

I actually started to watch the show, but i watched two episodes and when i was going to the third episode the subtitles werent working which pissed me off so i said to myself "i will watch it later" and it's been months since that happened and i havent watched anything else since then. I think my bf watched the entire tv show + the movies (and at least one special? Idk if there are more) in this middle time and meanwhile i still have the worst memory for shows (in the middle of this i have just realized that i forgot to keep watching other show that i started on monday and said i would watch an episode daily😭). ANYWAY thanks for the incentive ANDDD i have just remembered that i told my bfs that we should watch it together earlier TODAY . Sorry for all this my memory is really bad and somehow you reminded me about a lot of things😭

[psych-is-the-name]

how my tumblr @staff @support journey has been going so far: for anyone who doesn't know in November my original account PsychoticRambling was suspended because they thought I was selling accounts

first couple weeks: for some reason my help requests just straight up werent going through because their servers for some reason hated my email

next few months: using a different email im now actually getting responses! but they're only auto-replies saying that my account has been terminated and then closed my tickets without reading my pleas for help

(continue sending help requests every week or 2 just incase a real human decides to read my messages for once)

three weeks ago: a real human responds! there was apparently a GLITCH that terminated my account! but they fixed it now and it should be all good! :D

(still cant log in)

(responds to the email from support telling them this. 7 days later and they still havent responded back)

two weeks ago: figure im somehow running into a similar email glitch as earlier. this means im going to have to open a new help ticket EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. someone responds, and hope they can string together a coherent conversation on their end.

at this point ive had 3 staff members tell me that my account PsychoticRambling should be fixed. But the website still says its terminated.

and now 3 hours ago

staff told me the issue must have been solved

because according to the logs

SOMEONE just logged into it

[ellie-lovett]

ive been having a lot of thoughts recently...

i had this group of friends from middle school to end of freshman year. we had a falling out at the end of freshmen year and i havent really spoken with them since, aside from a few months the following year, and theres one i really want to reach out to. they never did anything personal to hurt me, and while i do remember not getting along with them a couple of times, they only seemingly stopped being my friend along when everyone else did. there was one that i did reach out to, but they never responded. i do wish they and i were still friends, and i acknowledge i wasnt the best friend to them, but i recognize that there may have been things i may not remember that i did to harm them in some way. or maybe they were on the fence and just left when everyone else did. (this is a different person than the first paragraph) im fine with them not responding, i just...wish things had been different i suppose

i dont want to reach out to the second one again because i dont want to bother them (tho i did send it i think 3 years ago now so maybe they feel a little different? not gonna take that chance tho.) I kinda want to reach out to the first one because when i reconnected with them for a time the next year, they actually really welcomed me back. even tho it didnt last, im thankful for that.

i had these two people in particular blocked for some time. the first one i just unblocked a few days ago, and the other one i unblocked when i sent them the message. there are a few others in that group i wont unblock, but this isnt about them.

i also randomly developed a crush on one of my online friends i met thru some irl friends, but thats since faded (thankfully.)

course now im worried one of them will find this and share it to them but this is the first time ive gone in depth anywhere online about it, and its tumblr so really is the one person whos on here going to find this post? probably not.

i feel that i may be very paranoid and i think they think of me as often as i think of them, which when it all went down was constant, but has since shifted to like a week every 6 months where i really want to reconcile with these two people.

plus most of this happened almost 6 years ago so like idk. hopefully none of them will find it, and if they somehow do...god i hope theyre nice.

[toonfinch]

this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.

i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.

i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.

the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.

azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.

i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.

intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.

currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.

i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.

i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?

also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.

now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.

it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.

for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.

our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.

last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.

between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.

anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?

and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.

the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.

so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.

idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.

hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"

btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.

i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.

i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.

anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.

good fucking lord.

im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos

[queerprayers]

I’m struggling with my faith right now for like.. ideological, ethical reasons. Even though I know loving Jesus=/=cosigning everything my fellow christians do its just been rough. I havent prayed in some time, theres this distance thats awkward to make steps to mend. I miss that feeling I had before when I was super certain of my faith, its hard to rebuild it.. I’d like it if you pray for me, cuz I feel like you’d get where I’m coming from

I do get where you're coming from, beloved. You've been in my prayers. I'm so sorry it's been so long.

It's understandable and even necessary to be cautious of what other Christians do and believe, it always has been. There will always be people who abuse in the name of religion, and with ideas as big and diverse as the ones Christianity has, there will always be some who hold harmful ones. I commend you for thinking and dealing with these issues--it is much better to struggle on this subject than to ignore it.

There is no perfect community. Any communal belief or action with our fellow humans can and will result in harm. Any political group, or organization, or even book club, has the capacity for conflict and harm. The bigger a community or set of beliefs is, the more capacity for harm. We cannot let this prevent us from living in community with each other, though. We cannot hold out for the perfect group of people--there isn't one. We also have to be careful of the urge to leave everything and create our own community. "Well, my local communist group has some problematic people in it so I'm gonna start my own." "Someone in my religion is racist, so I'm gonna start my own." This isn't how we build community. It can be necessary, but it should not be our first choice.

Everyone has a line with this. Everyone has to investigate current harm and problematic people/organizations and past mistakes and make our own decisions. There are bigoted people who attend my church: for some people, this would be reason enough to leave, I know that. And someday I probably will--I do hope to attend a more affirming church in the future. But what do I do with the community I've been given while I'm a part of it? I extend a welcome to broken, flawed people, and try to help them heal. This is my choice, and not one anyone should be forced into, but I do believe it's my duty.

You have to find your line. You have to decide what communities are worth trying to change, and which should be abandoned. You have to find the courage to leave, or the courage to stay--both are hard.

Re: your other point: rebuilding a relationship with faith is complicated. I would urge you to remember a few things. I completely understand missing what you had, but you don't have to get back there. You might not be able to. You will hopefully regain some of things you had, but you'll also probably end up somewhere completely different. You had that certainty, and now you have this struggle, and wherever you'll be next, you'll bring all these things with you. Don't be discouraged if your faith doesn't look it did before. It doesn't have to and maybe it shouldn't. Grow past this struggle, don't go back to before you struggled. Don't pretend you didn't experience this. This matters, as much as it hurts. Don't rebuild exactly what you had, because it's probably not where you will flourish now. Build something bigger, something more able to handle this struggle. If our faith falls apart (which is natural and even necessary), it means we need something. If we keep rebuilding the same thing over and over, we shouldn't be surprised that it isn't strong enough. Even if it was right for us at one point, it isn't anymore.

An awkward distance from God is so real. It's like ghosting a friend: is it weird to respond to this text four months later? It's also like me with my inbox: well, this ask wishing me a happy Ascension week is still unanswered. What do I do now? The answer, in both cases, is: yeah, it might be weird, but reaching out is the right thing to do. If you haven't prayed in ages, it can be scary, and it feels like there's no way to bridge that gap. I have some good (and also maybe scary) news, though: you are the same distance from God as you've always been. Sometimes I use the language of being closer to/farther away from God, but what I think I mean is, how aware we are of God, and how close to God's will for us are we. Because the truth is, we can't run away from God. There is no distance. God is in us, around us, with us. I believe you--you feel an awkward distance, and you can't feel God with you. But God doesn't feel that. Unlike the friends I ghost, God doesn't feel a distance, or awkwardness. They miss talking with you, but They're right there. You just have to say hi (if you'll forgive the informality of that advice).

Anyway, this may be a bit much for one prayer request, I think. But my point is: where you are is familiar to me, and so I know you can move on from it. God is there, exactly where They were when you felt close to Them. Here's my prayer for you:

God, keep this person close. Help them feel your presence; bring them back to you. Hear their prayers, even if they're awkward or distant or halting. Grant them the patience and forgiveness to be part of community. Give us all the courage to repent of our religion's sins, and the ability to do the work of reconciliation and rebuilding. Amen.

<3 Johanna

P.S. If you need a place to start, go to the Psalms. They've always been there for me. They've got a particular desperation to some of them that I'm partial to.

[subbybunnyboo]

i feel like this is something i can’t post in my channel with friends, but i need to vent

well, if i had made this post two or even one month ago i would have written ‘i fucked up’ as i said i hoped i wouldn’t in my “goodbye post”

but times go by and you start realizing that you were fucking abused and i’m not talking about physical/sexual harm and i havent been degraded (i mean only when i wanted to if you remember thematics of my blog). STRAIGHTLY. now i know what gaslight is first-hand.

i dont want to tell the full story here, just imagine situation when you have to overthink and rethink your every phrase several times before saying it with your partner. or feeling such a miserable person you have to visit therapists and stopping yourself from jumping under the train from thinking that you are a burden. i mean, yes, many people (sadly) experience this, BUT IMAGINE it all disappears right after you break up.

you feel like absolute shit and cry all the time, but when ‘should i kill myself?’-thought crosses your mind it doesnt stay even for a second. like, nah, i dont want to. i dont need to work on this, i just dont think that way

we broke up two months ago and i still feel broken. i tried to meet new people and they do like me and in two days they may treat me better than my ex in 5 months… but i just cant feel anything. they can be hell of a gentleman, get me flowers and coffee, shower me with kind words and we can have a great funny convo about lots of our common interests. but i come home and remember our first ‘date’ and cry. and i dont even cry like CRY, i just try to fall asleep while tears are going down my face. and we talk, meet again. but i feel nothing like i used to.

and i just saw a reels (99% of my feed actually) with a biker, but it was a special one for an unknown reason. i felt summer air. and felt how i want short nights, ‘white’ nights of petersburg, green, motorcycles on streets. and i miss..maybe what pops up in my mind a lot.. when it was “well i wanted to meet with you and i still do, so if you want it too…” “i do” “then what?” “finish your uni task, i’m ordering you a taxi” after he fell asleep when we were supposed to meet and not “what time should i come over?” *no respond* “i wont” “okay” and then blaming me in making scenes and saying “instead of this we could have a talk in discord, or you could be here and play with my dog or we could watch something, but no, you preferred making drama” when i did not make any. well, instead of acting like a jerk for whom i dont exist as well as my feelings, YOU could invite me for real, show me that you wanted me there or offer talking in disco.

no, i was guilty for everything. when this person was guilty - it was my fault. every single time

its just such a person. i dont know if all he has done was on purpose or not. i am not sure if i want to know. but he is probably too smart not to know what exactly he was doing

there is no single day i dont think about him and in my mind i just cant let him go. all that feeling like he is one of a kind. and connection. unhealthy, but connection

there is no abuse without good moments. and such moments make you think maybe if you did something slightly different… if you swallowed such treatment that time… understood him better this time…. but then you open your chat and read how he treats you like literal SHIT and it just hits you hard like a truck

i am deeply hurt. i am a person you should not meet and fall in love with right now. right now i can cause only pain, but im not a sick sadist, i dont enjoy it. but i understood i need to give myself time to heal. not to try meeting new people that would replace him. and for sure not to try to get him back. however, i dont know jf i will follow these words. hopefully.

and when i get free from this, i will meet my dream motorcyclist husband-material. maybe gym rat. maybe scott pilgrim type of nerd. hopefully somebody… kinder. more empathetic. and mature for relationship.

peace

[qumiiiquinnquin]

well. i tried to communicate with someone jn my family about the extreme stress College is already causing me. to my sibling, because they are the closest person to me. they want me to tell them what's going on more so i finally did today. i dont normally because my problems end up belittled or ignored in some way

it started somewhat okay. they told me to tell family before i drop out, which would be a good idea i guess. i feel like i cant though without getting shit for it or forced to keep going because im being overdramatic and its not even been a full 3 weeks yet

but i brought up my medication not working. i forgot i told them that already, i guess i had told them over summer and spaced it afterwards. my medication has not been helping my anxiety at all since i first started taking it last year, so taking it won't do anything to lower my anxiety. i told them i cant see my psychiatrist because i have no time and i do not think he is available on weekends, the only time im free (more like "free" because there's never ending homework in college and free time is a lie). i as told to talk to our dad and email my psychiatrist, but i know my dad will be pissed if he finds out i havent been taking my medication for a few months but have been lying that im still taking it

in the end they told me to get my medication figured out before i finally decide to drop out. i didnt respond back because i hate this idea my family has that my medication will solve all of my problems. my sibling's ideology that the reason why college is so stressful for me right now and is making me want to drop out is because im unmedicated, and if i was medicated, everything would be completely fine and i wouldn't feel so bogged down from my schoolwork.

if my med did help with my anxiety, then its true i likely would not want to drop out as badly as i do now. though id likely still think about it because college is currently a bit too much for me to handle. but my med wouldnt fix the stress of college. medications shouldn't be viewed as able to completely solve and rid any symptoms of any disorder. and it annoys me that my dad told me that yet he and everyone in my family views it that exact way. plus being told to figure out my medication before finalizing my decision to drop out completely ignores what i said about my lack of time to see my psychiatrist and tells me i need to just ride this semester out with my rapidly deteriorating mental health.

im barely hanging on only three weeks in. what am i supposed to do.

[upagainstthesunset]

I started on comics at the end of 2021 or beginning of 2022 or so. It hasnt been that long, all things told. At this point i still havent read as much as the wonderful avid fans i find myself amongst, but what i have read has had tons of variety within DC.

Despite this, there was a while back where i realized just by scrolling my dash i would often see character names entirely foreign to me. And yet the post had hundreds or thousands of notes. It got to the point where i was counting the days that i would come across someone i hadnt heard of and i think it went over a month except for one or two days in the middle. And that was just through cultural osmosis!

Now a couple years in, I at least have heard of all the major players and probably most of the minor ones. But even still, as we round out the year, I see people mention characters totally unknown to me, and im like huh there really are just so many little guys. And here i started not even knowing there was more than one Flash! Ive really come a long way, but theres a long way yet to go.

So it's been incredibly fun to run @doyouknowthisdccharacter because it makes me proud to say "i know them"! And on the other end of the spectrum, its exciting to say "I don't know them" because it means there's still so, so much to discover. That blog has over 80 characters submitted, and im really grateful people are participating and sending in names, voting and reblogging to spread the character love further.

And my newest blog @whosthatdccharacter is up and running, and at least for me has already been a blast! Its a small following compared to the other blogs, but its the one im personally most invested in. I love that i get to make these little puzzles for people to solve. Its all low stakes, but its delightful to see that people are playing along and making guesses.

And last, i of course have to mention @dc-polls. I have a feeling tournaments have already peaked a while ago but you know what its been so cool to host these and keep it running. Its fascinating to see which prompts people respond to and what kind of things they submit. At first i was disappointed we didnt get dozens and dozens of entries like other tournaments had, but after the first one I was grateful we had few enough to do just four rounds. 😅 Our current tournament has been the most fun to me, and I really did find myself saying "what? That happened?" Ha ha, so kudos to everyone who submitted. And you know, I also enjoy the single polls we do to break things up. Im glad its not solely a tourney account.

Anyway, this is really starting to ramble now. I mostly wanted to look back and say how getting to know characters has helped me also get to know the fandom, and how lucky we are to be in a time where we can do these little activities together from all around the world. So yeah. Its been a wonderful year. Thanks for having fun with me.

[foryourownbosom]

Favorite Laukids headcannons?

hi anon ! so sorry im answering this just now, life has been chaos with uni and i havent had the time to properly respond 😔 BUT THIS IS MY FAV ASK EVER SKFJKSFGDSG ITS MY TIME TO SHINE .

ALRIGHT. i have LOTS of fav headcanons,,,, probably too many. based on the number i am ashamed to admit how much time i waste thinking about this family. so, im gonna *try* to pick some of my favourites and write them below! (beware, this is gonna be long. because of that, the headcanons are gonna be under a cut for anyone who might actually be interested in reading them 😭) to the ones who do, enjoy <3

SO OKAY my favourite headcanon of them all (and the one that i believe i kind of,,, developed the most?) is that each sibling had a specific flower name as a nickname, all chosen by eleanor. i like to think that based on the traits and personality she saw in her children, eleanor would pick a flower whose symbolism matched with the child in question. when calling them, she would adress the children by those flowers (eg. calling jack "my sunflower", nelly "my little magnolia", etc!)

in the case of polly for example (the last one born shortly before eleanor's death), polly had "sweet pea" as a name. eleanor knew she wasnt going to live much longer but still wanted to continue the tradition of nicknaming her babies, so she chose a flower whose symbolism typically means strength, departures and goodbyes. according to the symbolism, sweet peas mean "thank you for a lovely time”. eleanor wanted to, at least, thank polly for the time she could spend together with her last baby, as short as it was. (i wont get into details about every nickname bc i would ramble for too long 😭- i really wanna make a separate post or smth explaining that one day kdjgksdgd,,, but thats mainly the reason why the laukids have a specific flower for each of them when i drew the charts :"))

alright so thats the *main* headcanon i have. here are some other fav hcs that are not that,, extense KDJSKAF. they are pretty much random thoughts i collected throughout time:

one night, way past their bedtimes, nelly and patsy swore they saw ghosts on the graveyard while going outside to play. they swore to never sneak out and go out to play at night ever again

henri, john and nelly (ages 5, 4 and 3) would often make "mud stew" on poodles after it rained with literally anything they could find.

their favourite games were playing pirates, climbing, and playing hide & seek behind the oak trees

john slipped from a pretty high branch that bruised his knee. that left a big scar on his left leg that even as an adult was still visible

nelly was the first one of the girls who started playing the harpsicord, and patsy followed after her sister. nelly would teach her simple little melodies and play together sometimes. after nelly passed away, john usually sat by patsy's side when she played so she wouldn't be alone. he couldn't play of course, but he tried singing to accompany patsy on the little melodies she learned by her late sister

john had really good hearing and could replicate bird sounds with high accuracy. that caused the birds to usually come very near him and to not fly away. patsy called john a "bird whisperer" because of that

kids patsy and john once found an egg below a tree, and brought it home to take care of it. it turned out to be a carolina parakeet, and patsy named her iris. they taught her,,, french curse words. and thought it was the funniest thing ever. after a few months, they set her free

polly has the record for the sibling that broke jars and china cups the most (followed by jemmy, but he would argue that those were harry's fault)

also, now that we are on the topic of harry and jemmy: although most of the time they were inseparable partners in crime, sometimes they would fight over really small things (but to them of course, those things were. pretty big deals™) one some occasions, they were so crossed with each other that they would sit the furthest from one another at the table, and used john as their messenger for days bc they refused to speak directly to the other. they would exchange Very Serious Angry Letters across the room as if they were two opposed kingdoms, and john was in the middle delivering those letters. john always succeeded on the mission to cease the fights though, and as soon as he would fall for a prank, he annoyingly (but happily) knew jemmy and harry befriended again

jemmy once beat harry on a game of marbles (harry was considered the best player among the siblings) and harry was so frustrated he swore to never play again. (that promise lasted, of course, less than a week. and that jemmy victory was probably the reason why they didn't speak to each other for days)

when john was a toddler he once doodled over an entire set of letters of henry sr and he had to start all over again from scratch. that child had 0 awareness of space and he thought literally everything was a potential canvas to draw on-

he also probably drank paint water while using watercolors too many times ,, (artists' culture for ya)

the Main Kids (john, patsy, harry and jemmy) would often organize little plays where they created stories and whole worlds/kingdoms with their characters in it. at night, they couldn't be as loud so with the help of candles they played by creating shadows on the walls

harry stopped two of his siblings from eating,,, questionable AND dangerous things by pure luck . one, when toddler jemmy wanted to eat a worm. and two, when he stopped john from eating a poisoned berry. (the latter was originally a bit dark though so i wont elaborate much)

jemmy was almost 6 years old when he sailed with john and henry sr to europe for schooling (harry joined a bit later), so i headcanon that his first tooth fell around that time while on port, and he rushed to john and showed it to him :")

jemmy doodled the three of them (he and his two older brothers) on a piece of paper, and john almost cried. he kept the drawing safe on one of his books so it wouldn't get lost or damaged

eleanor would always sing lullabies to the kids before bed because it help them wind down. after eleanor's gone, the siblings usually asked john to sing to them because he was the one who knew and remembered the melodies the most. while abroad in europe, john promised harry and jemmy that he would keep singing them for as long as he could.

john finds comfort in the fact that, at least, the last thing jemmy heard was a lullaby from his mother, sang by john. he hoped that it brought him peace for one last time.

when john, harry and jemmy were finally joining patsy and polly in europe, little polly was euphoric and was literally asking every 5 minutes when were their brothers arriving. polly had no memory of them as they all sailed when she was a baby, so of course the excitement was over the roof. when she finally met her brothers, she was glued to them, specially john. polly asked for piggyback rides and races all the time, as well as asking his brother how to do "fencing with sticks" which he delightfully obligued to provide lessons.

polly also made everyone attend and wear dresses to her Very Fancy Tea Party™ once

polly is the #1 candy theft. harry, the #1 victim of her robbery.

during the war, john liked to stay up really late and sleep by the fireplace of headquarters, as he sometimes did that with his siblings. he would also keep things that reminded him of home

later on her life, patsy would tell stories and memoirs of her childhood with john to both frances and polly. her own children would listen as well and would wonder what it would've been like to have met him

this is all for now! if you made it this far, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. i love you dearly, truly 😭😭😭💖💖 thanks for coming to my TED talk my fingers are sore from typing a