#and then its just How Long Can This Last Before Bro Acknowledges The Issue.

[todayisafridaynight]

Hanahaki manifests as allergy symptoms in Jo

hEEYYY

[bobbydagen24]

little idea what if Brozone's parents did come back in the future alive but they look down on Branch for being Grey.

like they see it as something that brings shame on their family and that it shows that Branch is just weak willed.

as maybe that was an attitude often held in Troll society in the old days before the events of the first film where literally every Troll went Grey Briefly.

so even knowing about Grandma's death and him only being a child they still view him going Grey for such a long time that it became partly permanent as being because he's just weak or maybe some sorta freak.

like I would imagine it as maybe in this scenario the parents were overly strict and emotionally cold they were the ones who initially pushed the older members to be perfect.

and caused them a lot of stress and issues as a result namely causing JD to follow their example after the parents walked out on them one day.

and when they return in present day claiming to be changed and remorseful over the past the older Bros are Reluctant at first but maybe

Branch and Floyd being the youngest and the ones who Remember the least about how the parents were ( in Branch's case nothing at all since he was Barely Hatched when the parents left )

are more open and keen on giving the parents another chance and somewhat push JD Bruce and Clay to do the same

which they do in the end when the parents are able to convince them that they're sorry and that they want to be a part of their lives.

only for them to at first show a subtle Different attitude towards Branch and his appearance especially after they find out its a Result of him being Grey for most of his life.

and they start more and more showing a certain attitude towards him sorta leaving him out of the family when they are all talking or doing things together

and showing no interest in him as opposed to the others and when they are alone with him he tries to approach them only for them to just be Blatant

in their disapproval of him stating he's weak and an embarrassment and he's basically a walking permanent reminder of how badly he messed up in his own life

and they can't believe one of their own flesh and blood is forever a "" Grayling "" sorta saying it as a really filthy word that they can Barely utter from their mouths.

and Despite the older Brothers just initially being happy to have the parents back in their lives they eventually kinda can't ignore how different they Treat Branch.

sorta like when someone you know is just casually being Racist or Homophobic and you feel uncomfortable by it but you don't really wanna cause conflict so you just sorta ignore it and stay quiet.

but eventually the older Bros do stick up for Branch pointing out everything he went through and overcame from such a young age and everything he's gone on to do as an adult like helping Poppy save all of their Tribes music.

and they say his left over Greyness doesn't make him weak or anything like that and if anything they're proud of him

and who he became despite going through some horrible times without any of them to support or help him which they call their parents out on while acknowledging their own fault in that as well.

and in in the end they send the parents packing since they Realise they haven't really changed and they are all better off without them.

with Brozone all being Disappointed by just what major Jerks their parents have always and will always be and Branch being somewhat upset that they looked down on him so much

but he's also at the same time pretty happy that his Bros stood up for him against their own mom and dad and even said they were proud of him.

tho of course Branch tries to act casual about his Happiness over that last part but his colours Brighten slightly giving him away with the Bros light heartedly teasing him over it

in a way making him feel slightly less bad over his physical differences.

sooo yeah just a little idea I had kinda combining past ideas about the parents being crappy people who were Harsh to Brozone while adding in some Grey Troll Discrimination.

as I find that idea kinda interesting that maybe the few permanent Grey Trolls that there are would be looked down on by some sections of Troll society

and it'd be viewed as some sorta character flaw or even a Disgusting illness that makes people wanna avoid them.

FR I Hope we do see other Permanent Grey Trolls in the future I think it could either make for an aspect of an interesting main story or at least just a neat little bit of world building if we see them Briefly.

[argumentativeaxolotl]

Hey hey hey nerds I’m back at it again with some more CARS HUMAN AU HEADCANONS‼️‼️‼️ THIS TIME ITS ANGST 👹👹👹

Lightning McQueen:

- Bro 101% brushes off any concern he has for himself and uses all of that concern and worry that he’d use for himself on other people and his friends. He doesn’t think he really deserves to be cared after and looked after especially with how much of a dick he used to be- hence why he doesn’t care about himself as much anymore(still enough to keep up with his hotshot facade but if there’s actual danger or someone’s actually hurt he’ll ignore himself in favor of that person).

- I feel like this dumbass is an absolute MAGNET for trouble. Like even as a kid. Lil bro would get into trouble and somehow get hurt while being in a rubber room with rats. Him getting hurt all the time likely exasperated all the families that fostered him which would lead to him getting scolded by some of the… rougher families which led to Lightning being very reserved about himself, going back to the first headcanon above this one. He thinks he’s not worth the attention.

- Lightning was on his own as soon as he got to his Freshman year, this being his last foster family. They were pieces of shit and sort of treated him like he wasn’t there or that he was the cause of all their issues. This caused Lightning to lash out more than normal which is when he sort of came up with the persona of Lightning McQueen(the branding came from Harv later down the line). It was like a last line of defense which ended up helping him only for a little while(then radiator springs happened and blah blah blah).

- He was so used to being treated like shit that Harv’s horrendous treatment of him wasn’t a red flag until Mack came into the picture and stood up for him a few times, the truck driver telling Harv to piss off.

Chick Hicks:

- He never finished his education. In my AU I think Chick would have been forced into racing at a young age by his father after his brother’s death. Chick’s father would be so obsessed with one of his kids becoming a great racer, essentially living through that child, that he wouldn’t give two shits in what Chick or his brother would want to do. Chick’s father likely brought Chick to a bunch of races as a kid which led to him missing many many classes and falling behind his peers. This happened in seventh-eighth grade which led to Chick never going to Highschool as he became the next up and coming racer.

- His father was a pile of absolute, burning, human shit. The man would hurt both of his kids- physically and emotionally- while also sort of putting all his own traumas into his kids, living through them and making Chick into him. Young Chick would likely want to make his father proud and would constantly try to adhere to his father’s words and whatever the man said- examples being shit like “crashing is a part of racing” or “give them a little nudge out of the way” or some shit which would lead Chick into the madman we know today.

- His brother was the only positive “adult” figure in his life and his brother tried his damndest to get Chick to not be like their shitty father, yet the brother just wasn’t around long enough. Chick was absolutely fucking devastated when his brother died and didn’t respond to any outside stimuli for at least a week or two. Their father mourned before moving on and suddenly acknowledging Chick, acting like he was his only son.

- Chick is 100% still haunted by the dying light in his brother’s eyes, having watched him die after a horrific crash. Chick never wanted to push cars out of his way, having seeing what it did to his brother, yet something in Chick wouldn’t let him fight against his father’s shitty teachings. Chick can remember every detail of that day and sometimes wishes it was him instead.

Strip Weathers:

- One time when Cal got severely sick, like bedridden for a week sick, Strip got horrific flashbacks to when his mother passed away due to a terminal illness. Strip was so scared and terrified that he spent so much money on doctors alone. Lynda tried to calm him down, telling Strip that it was just a nasty case of the flu or something along those lines, but Strip just couldn’t lose another family member- especially not one he saw as his son.

- Strip wanted to be a doctor so he could help his mother with her illness and so he could try to find a cure so nobody else had to go through what she did. He put in so much effort and tried so hard, conducting research and studying hard so he could become a doctor. Then his mother passed away when he was still in med school, leaving him shattered and blaming himself for somehow not graduating faster. Tex was there for Strip.

- He dropped out of med school in favor of racing since he didn’t think he would be able to continue after his mother passed. He felt useless for a long time, drinking his pain away for a few years- never during a race- until he met Lynda and she helped bring him back to himself.

- After his crash during the tie breaker, he’s felt immense pain in his wrists and shoulders and neither he nor the doctors know why. It’s not killing him but it lingers and sometimes he just can’t move for a while.

Doc Hudson:

- Doc has a similar thing to Strip where after his crash he just had horrendous pain shooting all throughout his limbs and back. He’s not sure what it is, but either way it’s thankfully lessened over the years, now being dull aches or more joint pain than usual whenever it gets colder.

- Sometimes he’ll randomly have a flashback to when he was back in the Hornet or being wheeled to the hospital during/after the crash. Doc never really got over it and stupidly never saw a therapist about this. These flashes often make him feel worse than he already does, leaving him in a shitty mood and grumpy and more than a little scared to get into the Hornet. Over the years, these flashes have gotten less and less to the point where it’s once or twice every couple years at random.

- Him becoming an actual doctor wasn’t because he had so much time on his hands after the crash- also that was part of it- but it was because that was his sister’s dying dream- to become a doctor and help people.

- His older sister passed away sometime before Doc’s crash so when he was still young. She was much older than him- roughly ten-ish year age gap. They were still close.

Thank you for your time lmao now it’s time for me to disappear for like three months again <3 HAPPY HALLOWEEN‼️‼️‼️

[scoobytopia]

I’m very confused about the Krypto film. I know the writer said it was always meant to come out, and it being written off was just a rumor. But it was leaked online earlier this year - and WB went on the warpath against any YouTuber who acknowledged its existence rather than you issue a statement saying “this film will be released legally later please wait until then”. So what really is the deal?

The realistic answer is we probably will never know. We do know it was finished and could have been released early last year in the spring schedule, say February. There's enough evidence from production leaks to know that much. Some of the staff now saying it was always meant to come out Fall/September 2023 doesn't really line up, because why would they hold it this long? It was in production and completed before Trick or Treat, which came out in September of last year, and it retains the animation style for the films before it and Haunted High Rise, standing out more. Last February would be a logical release time to tie in with the Superpets movie starring Krypto, which we know this movie is being bundled with on DVD already in France now. Why didn't it come out last year if it was ready? We don't know. When the movie leaked earlier this year, it had a copyright date of 2023, suggesting they never got around to that for some reason until this year, but also suggesting some intent to release it eventually. That just adds further mystery to the project. Warner Bros. Discovery not issuing a statement themselves makes sense - acknowledging the leak could lead more people to go seek it out, and if they're wanting to put it out officially, they don't want that. But there's no reason the writer or others who spoke out now couldn't have made a statement that suggested it wasn't cancelled or written off, rather than passive aggressively saying piracy would be worse than the movie being cancelled. Given they are sticking to the story that it was definitely meant to be shelved for 1.5-2 years for no reason as part of the plan, I doubt we will ever hear from them. We can really only speculate, given how WBD has treated Scooby in the last year, and knowing we aren't getting more DTV Scooby films any time soon.

[cheri-translates]

[CN] S2 Gavin and MC in Chapter 9 - Part One

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers from Season 2 🍒

I’m focusing on Gavin and MC, not the plot (because the latter requires extensive time and effort that I can’t spare :’>). So I won’t be explaining certain plot points as I’m unsure of them myself

Do read Ch 2 before proceeding! Otherwise you’ll be completely lost from the very beginning:

MC is in her office looking out for trending topics in the news, and she starts thinking about what Grey Rhino does:

At present, Gray Rhino is one of the most active anti-Evol groups. Its members are found all over the world, and consist of tens of thousands of people. 

Most of the members are normal civilians or Evol victims, and are extremely against the existence of Evol. Every member seems to have a snake-shaped tattoo on their body.

From what I understand, they have a hand in the “Small Syringes”, the missing plane and the train incident from not too long ago.

One of her subordinates from Black Swan, Zehn, gives her a call

She’s tasked him to take note of Gray Rhino’s operations, because she thinks they’re going to act again

But he brings her news of STF instead: Apparently, STF has a new commander, but he’s a mystery since he hasn’t made a public appearance

MC: Maybe he’s a shrewd old man.

MC sighs and decides that she needs to investigate into the commander of STF

At this moment, impatient knocks are at the door. Even before I make a sound, Minor has already pushed the door open, rushing to me with extreme anxiousness.

I frantically hang up, turning my head and glowering at Minor.

MC: Why did you barge into my office?

Minor creases his brows, gesturing at the phone in his hand, mouthing some words to me. 

Minor: It’s-- Bro-- Gavin-- 

MC: Gavin? 

The words subconsciously leave my lips, and my tone is slightly surprised.

MC: Why did Gavin give you a call to look for me?

A voice drifts from the phone in Minor’s hand.

Gavin: Because your phone line was busy.

I was just having a discussion with my subordinate from Black Swan on how to fish for information regarding the commander of STF...

Feeling a little guilty, I hurriedly take the phone.

MC: Looking for me so urgently - is something wrong?

For a while, there’s silence at the other end of the line.

I wait quietly for Gavin to speak. After a moment, his voice returns.

Gavin: MC, has... anything happened to you lately?

This question is very abrupt, and I find it slightly odd. Thinking that Gavin is asking about the “Small Syringes” incident, I respond.

MC: Nothing’s wrong. I occasionally get strange harassment calls... but the rumours of the company being involved in prohibited drugs are slowly clearing up. As of now, work has returned to normal. Come to think of it, Captain Gavin deserves much thanks for helping me clear up the rumours.

I laugh, adding that last line.

After a soft “oh”, Gavin doesn’t continue.

The silence in the air spreads to both ends of the line. Minor, being incredibly tactful, leaves the room. Before closing the door, he mouths a “Boss, all the best”.

I think of the earlier information received. After hesitating for a moment, I test the waters with a question.

MC: Gavin, it’s been a while since we were in contact. How have you been?

Gavin: I was executing a mission.

Gavin’s breathing is very soft, drifting through the phone and into the receiver.

I can even imagine how he looks, pinching his phone with slight force, his right hand subconsciously tapping lightly on the desk.

The gloomy weather is filled with large, dark clouds. The first rainfall of winter, which has been brewing for a very long time, finally starts pattering down.

The synchronised rustling of rain can be heard over the phone. I lift my head to look out the window, and speak to Gavin softly.

MC: It’s raining. 

Gavin: Mm.

The thick sound of rain mucks up a memory, and I continue, thinking aloud.

MC: Rainfall in winter is the coldest... When you’re on missions these days, take note of the weather. When you head out, check the weather forecast, remember to bring an umbrella, and don’t catch a cold.

Gavin once again makes a sound of acknowledgement.

Gavin: Got it.

Another wave of silence hangs on the other end of the line. Just as I hesitate on whether to say goodbye, Gavin suddenly speaks.

Gavin: MC, I need your help with something.

-

Holding the STF-issued provisional visitor pass, a special officer leads me to the reception room.

Collaborative filming between the STF and [MC’s Company Name] has been shelved temporarily due to the gradually increasing amount of work. Other than the “Small Syringes” incident, it’s been a very long time since I came to the STF.

Special Officer: Miss MC, this is the place.

When the door is pushed open, a familiar voice drifts from inside.

Tang Chao: Yo, it’s you again. If you visit a few more times, I’ll be familiar with you. Your name’s MC, right?

Eli: Is that how you should speak to a lady?

Tang Chao: I’m just establishing good relations early. We’ll probably have many chances to meet in the future.

Aside from Eli whom I’m familiar with, I recognise the youth who doesn’t have a filter over his mouth. He’s Tang Chao, Gavin’s colleague, and the one who pretended to interrogate me the last time.

MC: Special Officer Tang, it’s been a long time.

Gavin: Tang Chao! Who allowed you to be here?

With a “bang”, the door is pushed open with force. Gavin strides into the room with a dark expression, placing files on the table with a thud.

It’s been a long time since I've seen Gavin, and I can’t help but take several looks at him.

Gavin is wearing everyday clothes, and in his deep eyes are the coolness and resoluteness that I'm familiar with.

My gaze remains unmoving, and I vaguely spot a white bandage near his sleeve.

MC: Gavin, are you injured?

Gavin: No.

Tang Chao: He’s lying. 

Gavin: ...

MC: ...

Tang Chao grabs the files on the table, whipping his head around to greet him before running out into the corridor swiftly. 

Eli: I can’t help much by staying here. The two of you can talk.

The reception room, which was in a state of chaos earlier, suddenly sinks into quietness.

I remain standing in place, somewhat at a loss. Gavin, feeling uneasy, turns his head to the side, releasing a soft cough.

Gavin: They talk too much. Let’s go straight to the main topic. 

Gavin plays down on the topic of his injuries, but I know that even if I were to ask, he would only keep it hidden. 

I sigh inwardly.

MC: You haven't told me what you needed my help with.

Gavin: We met a witness who has special circumstances, and we need your Evol to read his memories.

MC: Special circumstances? Is his memory impaired? Or did he lose part of his memory from fright?

Gavin shakes his head, and only signals that I should follow him.

In the interrogation room, Gavin briefly explains the situation: the incident happened at a station, and the victim died from a bullet

The witness is an elderly man who is blind

I tug on Gavin’s sleeve, and can’t help but voice the doubts in my heart.

MC: Gavin, since this witness is a blind man, how am I supposed to read his memories?

Gavin: Memories aren’t just images. Sounds, scents, and even touch are parts of memories.

MC: I think I understand what you mean. If footsteps are heard, it could confirm the time when the suspect appeared. If a unique scent is stored in the memory, it could also be a lead to cracking the case.

Gavin nods lightly. 

Gavin: That’s why I requested for you to come.

He tells her not to be stressed about it

Unfortunately, MC doesn’t get anything out of reading the witness’ memories

MC: I’m sorry, I don’t have much of a clue.

Gavin nods lightly, and doesn’t say anything. This causes me to feel a little embarrassed. 

Even though the case has nothing to do with me, I couldn’t be of any help to him.

Thinking about how he’s been handling Evol cases which come one after another, he must be facing an incredible amount of stress.

-

Walking out the doors of the interrogation room, Tang Chao happens to pass by.

Tang Chao: You’re going off just like that?

Gavin: ...

Tang Chao: Let’s head to the canteen for a meal. There are chicken drumsticks today.

Gavin blatantly ignores Tang Chao, who had extended an enthusiastic invitation. He turns towards me.

Gavin: I'll send you home. Don’t worry about today’s matter.

Seeing him like this, he’s probably planning to focus wholeheartedly on investigating and not intend to have a proper meal...

Sighing inwardly, I pat my hands and make a wilful decision.

MC: Gavin, you haven’t given me my remuneration. How about this. I’ll treat you to a meal, then you can conveniently send me home.

Gavin: No thanks.

MC: ...

Seeing the awkward expression on my face from being rejected, Gavin seems to be in a great mood, and the corners of his lips lift a tiny bit.

Gavin: I’ll send you home, and conveniently accompany you to a meal.

MC: ...eh?

Gavin: Why are you in a daze? Let’s go.

-

By the time we walk out of STF, the rain has already stopped. It isn’t time to eat yet, and neither of us are very hungry. We simply head to a nearby snack street to find something random to eat.

The road is flanked on both sides with various snack shops, numerous coloured billboards tightly packed together. In this late afternoon drawing close to evening, business is bustling, and people are walking to and fro.

It is the season where autumn ends and winter begins, and the fragrance of roasted chestnuts is in the air. My mind still ponders on the case from earlier.

MC: Gavin, aren’t there any other witnesses in that case?

Gavin: The crime occurred when the station was most desolate. There weren’t other commuters on the platform. 

MC: Since the location of the crime is in a place like the station, aren’t there any surveillance cameras nearby?

Gavin: On the day of the incident, all the surveillance cameras nearby were broken.

While speaking, a large white cat holding a Dragon Li cat in its mouth leaps past us lithely, and Gavin slow down his footsteps. 

MC: Looks like it’s a premeditated crime.

I have no other ideas after this, and I decide to ask whatever I can think of.

MC: After the murderer committed the crime, what would have been the first thing he’d have done?

Gavin: Get rid of the murder weapon.

Gavin says this casually. Standing before the roasted chestnut stall, the smile on the boss’ face instantly freezes. 

I take the freshly prepared roasted chestnuts, hurriedly pulling Gavin away.

At this moment, I realise on hindsight that Gavin had silently footed the bill, and I had accepted it just like that.

Gavin turns his head and sees me rooted in my original spot. His eyes are caged in the tender glow of sunset.

Gavin: What’s wrong?

MC: Gavin, is there anything you want to eat?

At first, he shakes his head. In the end, he seems to notice the downward tugging at the corners of my lips, and can only struggle in front of the oden noodle shop for a while.

Gavin: One serving of fishballs.

MC: Two servings. And add a serving of fish tofu, chicken wings, chikuwa... please add more chilli.

MC: You have to eat more.

While we’re eating and walking, a clear “bang” suddenly resounds from behind us.

With my mind filled with the shooting incident, I’m so scared that I shift half a step backwards.

Gavin: It’s a shooting game. 

Meeting Gavin’s teasing gaze, I laugh awkwardly, and an idea surfaces in my mind.

MC: I know! Let’s go and play that! Since we can’t escape from the topic of “shooting”, we might even get some inspiration from the game.

Gavin: ...that’s going a little far.

Despite what he says, Gavin still accompanies me, walking towards the stall. Seeing that there’s business, the owner immediately calls out to us in a lively manner.

I hold the gun, weigh it in my hand, and look at the target set up in front of me.

Gavin glances at me in surprise, and asks suddenly.

Gavin: You’ve learnt shooting?

MC: Mm, an incredible friend taught me.

Gavin: Which friend?

MC: ...the one who taught me self-defence. He’s very skilled, and is a very nice person too.

Gavin turns his head to the side, looking utterly disinterested, as though he doesn’t believe my big words.

After greeting the stall owner, I hold up the gun and adjust my posture. Settling on the target, I squint with my right eye, pulling the trigger confidently.

Bang--

Brimming with confidence, I look at the target, but realise that I’ve barely hit the 7th ring.

Gavin: Looks like his teaching wasn’t that great.

[Note] If you aren't familiar with Gavin’s dates: S1 Gavin taught MC how to shoot in his Rehearsal Date! So he’s basically insulting himself LOL

In a great mood, Gavin watches the faraway target. Unwilling to lose, I fire several bullets, but the results hover around the 6th and 7th rings.

MC: ...it’s been a long time since I practised, so I’m a little rusty.

After saying this, peals of laughter drift from behind me.

I turn my head, and see a high school couple playing the shooting game too.

Girl: Dear, your shooting skills are really good!

Boy: Dear, wait for me to get the biggest and cutest doll for you.

Once the girl hears the boy’s words, she laughs even more. 

A wave of melancholy strikes my heart. Just as I think of setting the gun down, I hear Gavin’s voice at my ear.

Gavin: You’re putting too much weight in front.

Suddenly, a familiar warmth presses against my back. Scorching breaths are at the roof of my head. He holds my hand, resting the butt of the rifle on my shoulder. 

MC: !

Gavin: Are you ready?

Gavin rests the first pad of his forefinger over mine, applying pressure on the trigger, not leaving a single gap.

I can feel the calluses as he covers the back of my hand with his, and the heart that’s about to leap out of my chest.

I don’t know if it’s the lingering warmth from sunset, or the temperature of Gavin’s body which is causing my face to feel heated.

Bang--!

The bullet slices through the air, hitting the centre of the target with precision.

Gavin: Do you remember the gist of the action?

I nod with force, the scorching warmth of our skin being pressed together causing the temperature of my face to rise.

Under Gavin’s close guidance, the subsequent eight shots all hit the bullseye.

His eyebrows arch upwards slightly, and he chuckles.

Gavin: Do you still want to try?

Seeing that Gavin is hitting the target with every shot, the stall owner seems to get a fright, and immediately waves his hands. 

Stall owner: I’m about to close the stall. You should pick a prize quickly.

Gavin: That one then.

Gavin points at the largest pink bunny plush on the counter. Then, he pauses, tossing me a questioning glance.

MC: Gavin, I want that prize.

I point at a golden coloured ginkgo keychain in the glass cabinet.

Stall owner: Miss, the one you chose is a third-rate prize. It’s of little value.

MC: It’s all right. I like it.

I hold up that ginkgo keychain, the fine leaf made of golden wire reflecting a dazzling light under the sun.

MC: It’d definitely look really nice on a bag!

I turn my head excitedly, and can’t help but flaunt it off to Gavin.

The autumn wind is somewhat gentle. The corners of Gavin’s lips are hooked upwards. His eyes, which are watching me, are flourishing with an amber light.

Gavin: Mm, looks really nice.

[Note] Screaming because it’s left ambiguous in Chinese on whether he’s referring to the ginkgo keychain... or her smile 👀

-

Right after walking out of the snack street, raindrops patter down.

MC: It’s raining again.

I retrieve my umbrella, and Gavin takes it from me naturally. The transparent umbrella is held steadily above my head.

Gavin: It’s getting late. I’ll send you home. Don’t worry about today’s matter. It has nothing to do with you.

Fine rain continuously slides off the umbrella. Gavin matches my pace, walking forward slowly.

Everything in the rain brings with it a certain hazy and humid quality, reminiscent of an image frequently featured in movies.

Gavin: Where’s your bracelet? Why aren’t you wearing it?

MC: The weather has been too damp these days. I was afraid wearing it out would affect its condition.

Gavin: ...oh.

I lift my head, and see a mother and daughter afar off, getting caught in the rain.

I exchange a glance with Gavin. We reach a tacit understanding, and he nods.

We walk over to the mother and daughter, and give the umbrella to them.

MC: This umbrella is for the both of you.

Mother: How could I take it!

With my persuasion, the mother and daughter finally accept this kindness, and repeatedly thank Gavin and I.

I take out an unimportant document from my bag and use it to cover my forehead. Just as I prepare to share a few sheets with Gavin, a shadow suddenly shrouds the top of my head.

--It’s Gavin’s jacket.

MC: No need. It’s just a little rain, it’d be fine.

Gavin: Didn't you say that rainfall in winter is the coldest?

Not allowing for any protests, Gavin holds the jacket over our heads, ensuring that I wouldn’t get caught in the rain.

Gavin: Let’s go. The journey isn’t long. I’ll send you home. Oh yes, don’t leave the house over the next few days. Especially at night.

His expression is incredibly serious, and even a little stern.

MC: Got it.

Gavin’s jacket covers my head. I breathe in, inhaling his unique scent.

But the jacket doesn’t seem to be large enough, and isn’t sufficient for two people to walk while standing side by side. After a moment of thinking, I stagger slightly, standing in front of Gavin. 

I lift my head, looking at Gavin’s clean lower jaw and amber coloured eyes.

MC: We’ll walk like this?

A touch of red surfaces on Gavin’s cheeks. He doesn’t lower his head to look at me. Shifting his gaze elsewhere, he feigns coldness in his voice.

Gavin: Mm.

The large jacket covers and carves out a small and narrow world. The sound of rain pattering on the jacket is slightly gloomy, blending with the scent of rain, and the delicate, faint fragrance in the air.

I take a deep breath, looking towards the street.

MC: Gavin, look. The wintersweet flowers are blooming.

[Trivia] In the language of flowers, the wintersweet symbolises independence, perseverance, fortitude, faithfulness, and a loving, noble heart :>

Behind me, Gavin halts in his steps, and peels open a corner of the jacket slightly.

I can’t see his gaze, and can only feel his drawn out breathing and the warmth of his skin through his shirt.

The yellow wintersweet flowers emit a subtle fragrance. In a manner which isn’t overly resplendent or bright, they add a warm lustre to this world.

Gavin: Mm, looks really nice.

His voice is clear and bright. In this indistinct, misty rain, it seems to indicate the direction that I should proceed towards.

In many moments, it’s always been the case.

The red light across the street seems to be exceptionally lengthy, and doesn’t change for a long time. 

The waiting time is a little long, and I can’t help but enter a slight trance. 

When I was fifteen years old, the rain was just like this.

Seventeen year old Gavin crossed the curtain of rain, and the school jacket he placed on me had carried the scent of an inexperienced youth.

That youthful scent which forever pauses on that rainy day has been breathed back to life in my memory, entwining with the scent of the man that is presently twirling around the tip of my nose.

Like a certain miraculous overlapping.

MC: The rain seems to be getting heavier.

The white shirt which has been caught in the rain is slightly soaked. I seem to see his slim back through the shirt, which has turned half-transparent from being drenched in the rain.

That clean and cool scent, just like the refreshing breeze coursing through this rain, descends on my heart.

The green man lights up, and the passers-by next to us walk across hurriedly. Perhaps this rain wouldn’t stop even after a while.

I summon my courage, and simply grab onto Gavin’s hand, pulling him into a run.

Across the streets, across the pelting rain, across the sea of memories, and walking into a junction belonging to us.

The rain pours even harder, creating flowers of water on the ground, as though urging me to hasten my footsteps.

Urging me to take his hand and walk forward quickly--

-

Part two: here

[lesbiancarat]

PREACH IT!! SAY IT LOUDER FOR TH3 PEOPLE IN THE BACK!! *stands up and claps*

Just your comment, please I want to tattoo that entire response on my forehead so people could understand some stuff fjshdhsh. I very much agree with everything you have said, like I do think the bighit deal was more so with the help of say with western connections (which again does NOT mean pledis could have done this without bighit. They clearly could but I saw a theory on a YouTube comment where someone said they focused on the core fanbase aka in Korea which is their main market and it paid off imo) from helping with buisness side of things like we do have merch to buy directly (which I have my opinion on some merch ideas like why the fudge is bighit selling us water!? Bro you thought that worked with bts doesn't mean it will with seventeen) which wasn't common in the past or being able to film concerts with ease during the pandemic. Bighit clearly acknowledges that seventeen is a monster group in their own right I mean as you said, they break records and are 2nd behind bighits own group. They are EXTEMELY big in Japan. They are their own song makers, bang pd confirmed this when pleids was first announced in a press video so the fact people brush all of their achievements and statements because why, their streaming numbers are low?

And oohh such an interesting point as well! Very much i think the current mindset of kpop fans (or at least some) is that streaming is what equals success which to some degree, yes but as you said, many ignore the casual side of listening. People that find the song due to it being viral for whatever reason, a fancam getting popular like in the cass of hani from exid or whatever reason. Dwc is a great example and I saw those comments under their recent performance of that song and it makes me proud that the boys have a song like that. That it has its own "fanbase" quote on quote with how well loved that song simply is and well known. You don't have to have fans doing crazy streaming to be considered "popular", I mean I could give more examples but I don't wanna make this too long nor cause unwanted fandrama lol. Those casual listeners are extremely important and powerful I mean brave girls is a great recent example of that I think! It very much does seem like that when looking at the views, its mainly the core fanbase which isn't bad nor should we feel bad for not having crazy numbers. They seem more organic if that makes sense? Plus I agree, we can stream and can explain how it works, clearing up confusion about it like no emojis don't take down views and yes youtube does take away views but that is due to it making sure it isn't bots only viewing the video. Explaining that streaming should be done with a chill mindset and its ok if you don't stream. But hey, maybe we're too weird of fans to think like this fjajdjajs.

But some few updates! Seventeen is back on Instagram, fully everyone is posting away. Makes me happy hehe m, a bit funny it took so long for them to comeback but am happy nonetheless. The interactions that seungkwan does makes me super soft. Seventeen are also back with doing proper promotions so yay (also pledis is S Wording people over the mingyu issue finally so bless). As for me on the personal side of things. I have OFFICIALLY finished that video game ^_^ it took me a while but I have finished it, my last goodbye was completed and am at ease so to speak? Lowkey am planning on beating all the trophies in the game cx also may I ask about your thoughts on the album? Favorite songs, have you bought the physical cd?

ok finally getting around to this lol!!

and yeah that's absolutely true, pledis focused on kr promotions/fanbase first and foremost (and then expanded to Japan and is now looking toward the US/western promos in general). which i agree was a good thing. i think some companies get too greedy with wanting a group to be ~internationally famous~ that they ignore their Korean fanbase a bit too much and I've seen groups that have failed bc of it, so I'm glad that didn't happen w SVT

and yeah in terms of merch I'm genuinely grateful as an american that for this cb at least there was a US distributor which made things super convenient but wtf is going on w hybes merch those water bottles are not it TT it just sucks to see bc it's clear that at least as far as merch goes hybe doesn't have an interest in like. doing market research to figure out what carats want. which is funny bc they don't even have to start from scratch they could literally just ask pledis?? and tbh what's sad is i don't think hybe is like. purposefully trying to sabotage SVTs merch from my limited perspective i get the feeling they treat all their groups merch like that :( but since us carats have seen in the past what kind of merch we're capable of getting it's disappointing to see such a downgrade. and like tbf pledis's merch decisions were never perfect like that time they tried to sell replicas of the SVT rings and carats were rightfully pissed bc those are something the members earned, not something to be bought. and i also don't think hybe never has or never will make good merch, I'm sure they're fully capable of it. but it just seems obvious that they've put WAY less if any effort into understanding both the market (ie carats) and seventeens brand compared to pledis so like of course most carats aren't gonna like it :/ i really hope they step up their game and do better research or bring ppl onto the team who better understand svt's brand

and yeah i very much agree with everything u said about streaming! tbh i think this mindset isn't as uncommon as you might think, I've actually met a fair number of kpop fans who are critical of streaming culture but as u know there also are a lot of ppl who are really into it and those ppl tend to have the loudest voices. and unfortunately part of streaming culture is that if you question the methods or don't participate you must be a bad fan or secretly an anti or something ridiculous like that. so ppl who aren't into streaming culture end up learning to not be too vocal about it bc of how bad the backlash can be

yes! I'm glad to see insta line (+ now dk!!) active again. i still wonder why pledis made them stop using their ind instas, like I know all the theories people have as to why but honestly none that I've seen seem to fully make sense. it will probably be one of those things where we'll just never know the full story. but i digress!! regardless of the reason I'm just glad to have them back after all this time ^^

congrats on finishing the game! I'm glad it was able to help you work through your grief a bit and that you feel more at ease now ;-; and good luck with the rest of the trophies if you end up trying to get them!

as always I'm answering this a bit late so you may have seen already but i did get the physical album! it was a birthday gift so i only got it the other day, but according to my mom it arrived almost immediately after the album was released so as i said before, I'm very grateful for the US shop this time around ;-; as for the songs usually it's easy for me to pick one or two favorites but this time around it's genuinely a 4-way tie between heavens cloud and all the unit songs TT (i also love anyone and RTL, they're just slightly lower on the list in terms of preference if u get what i mean). i really hope some time in the future we get some kind of performance or special video or something for heavens cloud, since so many carats and the members themselves seem to really love it. i also think it's a song that brings up such beautiful imagery that it would be a shame if it never got any type of visual representation, you know? I'm also really curious to see a performance of wave, since iirc the members said the choreo is a lot more laid back/different from other perf unit choreos?? + that song also evokes such great imagery for me that like... makes feel like it needs some kind of movement so I'm just itching to see a performance. kind of like... even if i didn't know it was a perf unit song i would think it would be great to choreograph to if that makes any sense dhfkf. but yeah overall i think it's just a really solid album, as expected from summerteen ^^

[radramblog]

Ultimate^2

Super Smash Brothers Ultimate has finally unveiled its final DLC character, with reactions ranging fully across the spectrum. Hot takes abound.

I mean, statistically, just about every possible opinion is going to be represented. There were at least 500,000 people watching the reveal stream, and that’s not including those viewing through restreams. That’s insane for a trailer of any kind, let alone for a console-exclusive video game DLC.

Now that it’s been like… a day and a bit, I think most of the spciest takes have probably been made, which is the perfect time for me to chip in with my own milder opinion. More of a butter chicken, really.

(no images in this one i’m lazy tonight)

I figure I’m this late already, might as well drop some notes on the other ones first.

Piranha Plant was kind of the definition of an unexpected pick. Not only was it from an already well-represented franchise, being fucking Mario, it’s also just…not a character. As such it makes an odd choice for a DLC fighter…except for the part where it was free. If you owned the game in its first month. And frankly, I don’t think people would have been happy if it wasn’t. As it is, though, it’s a perfectly fine character- surprisingly cute, actually.

I’m unsurprised about Joker’s inclusion. With how huge Persona 5 became in both Japan and the west, capitalizing on it to make a shitload of money makes perfect sense. The character plays well enough, though the meter gimmick was kind of a daunting sign of things to come. All that in mind, though, the most surprising thing about Joker being in the game is that they still haven’t put P5 on the Switch. Atlus please.

Hero and Banjo/Kazooie were announced on the same night, and I distinctly recall someone saying that this was one for the Japanese audience and one for the Americans. I mean, I’ve never played Dragon Quest, so I guess I fell into the latter? Both series have a long, well-regarded pedigree (Banjo’s lack of recent offerings notwithstanding), so both arguably deserve their respective positions. Hero is the much more notable character gameplaywise, though, with the incredibly complex mana and spellcasting mechanics. Complaints about RNG in Smash aren’t completely unfounded- though it has existed in the past in the form of, say, Luigi’s misfiring side-B- but I know a lot of people think Hero took it too far. If I’m honest, though, the weirdest thing is just having Akira Toriyama-ass 3D models in the game. Banjo’s gameplay is…awkward. The kit is kind of a mess, but at least the gimmicks weren’t going too hard, you know?

Next was Terry, perhaps the most obscure character on the entire list in 2021. I actually really like Terry in this game- while he’s still trying to emulate a similar feel to Ryu/Ken, the difference feels more natural, if that makes sense. Maybe it’s because I’ve never really devoted significant time to them, but Terry’s kit feels easier to work within than the Shotos when going between characters.

Finally for the first Pass, we had Byleth. I think it’s for the best that they announced the second Fighter’s Pass before this released, because if both 4 and Ultimate had ended their run on Fire Emblem DLCs then people would have been pissed. I mean, people were already pissed, but like…moreso. As someone who has played Three Houses, I do think the game is worth celebrating, but having yet another Fire Emblem Protagonist (read: basically a blank slate) in the game over all the substantially more interesting characters 3H has to offer is just really frustrating. Also the final smash looks like dogshit, like FE3H has overall worse animations than Smash for obvious reasons but I’m pretty sure this attack looked better the first time around.

FP2 opened with Min Min, which brings ARMS to the table. ARMS. The only first-party fighting game Nintendo has outside of Smash, so it looks a bit less weird next to everything else but…come on, man. I think this was the most confusing pick of all of them- the game came out in 2017, and having Min Min in Smash would serve as promotion for a sequel…which hasn’t been announced. There was a graphic novel in the works, but it was cancelled earlier this year. Oops? At least the stage was fun.

As much as playing them is awkward and complex, the Minecraft addition was fitting. Only the best-selling game around. I think people weren’t sure if Microsoft would go for it, but they let us have Banjo, so sure. I’m mostly just annoyed that they couldn’t get any of the songs from the actual game in there- like, you got one in from the fucking mobile game, but you couldn’t just get C418 on the phone?

Sephiroth is definitely one of the hype-ier releases from this pass. The character is iconic, as is his theme and his home game. I’ve never played any Final Fantasy game, but I can still respect the name. Once I remember how to spell it. The whole bossfight aspect to his release was also quite cool, while it lasted.

On the other hand, I have no love for Pyra nor Mythra. There’s so much wrong with these ones, frankly. They’re another swordy character, immediately following Sephiroth too, and they go back on Smash’s very deliberate decision to split characters like Zelda/Sheik and Samus/ZSS up (Yes I know Pokemon Trainer does the same thing but I have a lot more leniency for them). Add in their being from a JRPG much less well-known or remembered than the previous couple characters and the designs being…questionable, I have a big issue with the whole thing. This was also around when I kinda stopped playing the game in general, and they definitely didn’t help pull me back in.

Kazuya might have, though. With the exception of him and Sephiroth, all the characters from the Fighter’s Passes were pretty much protagonist-types, but this motherfucker pulses with the essence of bad guy. What I’m saying is that he’s fucking cool, and while he’s ludicrously complex, that makes perfect sense since…I mean just look at the combo lists from Tekken 7. His inclusion also kinda rounds out the list of biggest fighting game franchises out there being rep’d in the game, though I imagine now I’m going to have stans from Mortal Kombat or whatever on my back. They’re not going to put a fatality-capable character in Smash, guys!

Finally, this rounds us around to the original point of this article. Let’s talk about Sora. And by that I mean…I don’t really have a huge amount to say about him. Kingdom Hearts is a franchise that completely passed me by growing up, and I don’t think I have the time or energy to devote to it now. I’m sure it’s good, people seemed really excited for him to be in the game so they have to have gotten that love from somewhere, but I don’t share that feeling.

That’s not to say that I don’t think he deserves a slot. The idea of “deserving a slot” in Smash Bros is kind of an odd concept, even though it’s come up a lot so far this post. But a slot in this roster isn’t just a place in a popular fighting game, because at this point, Smash is kind of a museum of (mostly Nintendo) games- and so having representation is a forever acknowledgment that the franchise is, or has been, an icon to so many. Kingdom Hearts, to my knowledge, has 100% earned that position, and so Sora getting to be playable here makes perfect sense. He wasn’t my pick (Touhou representation never I guess), but I’m happy for those who wanted him.

As far as the actual gameplay looks, he reads like a character that kept in mind what people didn’t like about Hero when he released. It’s another sword-based character, which I think at this point speaks more about the demographic of video game characters than it does about Smash. But I appreciate that the Magic Bullshit is toned down, and that it’s also his only real gimmick (The 3-hit combo feature is A Thing, but other characters e.g. Bayonetta have already done that, so whatever). His recovery potential looks patently absurd- like he just gets Pikachu/Pichu’s Up-B as a Side-B that can also be chained with his actual Up-B? This guy better be light as hell or he’s going to be super hard to take out. I dunno, I think he looks solidly fun enough- more dynamic and aerial than the other swordfighters, at least- and that’s good enough for me.

And I guess that marks the end of Smash Ultimate. Not with a bang, but with a key…dude. It’s been a very solid run, the game managing to keep itself fresh across several years of development, even as other games have risen and fallen. Smash is kind of forever at this point, I think, though the finality of Ultimate’s ultimate character implies that this particular iteration may be coming to its end. And seeing as it is always one Smash per console, I wouldn’t be shocked if the Switch itself was nearing its endgame as well.

Okay but also it’s pretty funny how they heavily censored everything Disney out of Sora’s DLC except for that little Mickey charm on the trailer, like how much must that one shot have cost them, was it even remotely worth it, I don’t know but I kinda want to

[greylunar]

I have a house lore question. Would you agree that Gryffindors and Ravenclaws tend to be more ideologically motivated and that Slytherins and Hufflepuffs tend to be more... personally motivated? Not sure I am phrasing this right but basically: Gryffindor/Ravenclaw: This is my cause, I believe in it. Slytherin/Hufflepuff: This is my person, I believe on them. Just as a general rule, not true in every case. (1/2)

Also, Gryffindors and Slytherins are more devoted to their cause/person whereas Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws are more likely to be able to be able to reevaluate their standing with the person or cause if they feel they are no longer totally aligned with it/them. Again, just as a rule of thumb. (2/2)

I wrote an insanely long answer to this so more under the break, warning there’s a LOT of like, psychoanalysis down here and a lot of its very personal and about core aspects so like please proceed with caution and PLEASE ask me to tag if I forget something

Super weird note to start this off with but did you have an icon of a dog like two days ago because if that was you it looked like my dog and made me really happy (I love the aesthetic of this one too, A+ design)

Anyways! I do have A Lot of thoughts on this topic in particular, and I’m glad you asked because I know that my interpretation of the houses verges more into “Casper has a specific idea of the sort of personality spectrums he would align into these broad JK-based categories” than “canon” haha c: My “rule of thumb” for causes/ideologies is this:

Hufflepuff: “This is my belief.” This is what is good, what is right, what I know I should fight for and stand up for when the time comes. I will stand by this belief, because a part of me wholly excepts it as fact and uncompromising. I may, however, not always be able to stand up for this belief, as there are situations where I have to evaluate what will be the safest for me and the people I love. But you will have a Hard Time changing a hufflepuff’s mind on something they believe unless you can prove to them that its hurting people and somehow in the wrong. In that case, a new belief is formed to account for this information. Now, here’s where people (in I guess my version of house lore) tend to misjudge hufflepuffs. If one of their People repeatedly acts against their fundamental beliefs, they will either A) fail to remain one of that hufflepuff’s People and get dropped from that sort of list or B) just,,, badger them with facts/reasoning/their opinion until either the hufflepuff changes their mind or they change the Hufflepuff. (Side note, but on how Puffs handle ending relationships of any kind with folks: Hufflepuffs tend to,,, ‘ghost’ toxic people because of their uncompromisable nature on these very core beliefs. A hufflepuff will often give someone a thousand and one second chances until they realize that person either refuses to or is completely unable to accommodate one of their core definitions of good/justice/kindness/personhood and then usually hufflepuffs just kinda bounce. They often struggle with conflict in an overarching sense and, to put it in a Puff’s terms for avoiding a person they couldn’t handle being around anymore “Damn, wish I could just like, disappear into the woods in Oregon somewhere and get a dog and not have to think about this and my friend Tim could make a true crime podcast about having known me.” This is normally a MOMENTOUSLY hard decision for a Puff (i mean yall get it its the house of loyalty) but its very key that Hufflepuffs don’t align themselves with people, they align themselves with beliefs or personal truths. When push comes to shove, the loyalty a Puff has is often to the concept of goodness and kindness and the Concept of People rather than clinging to a specific individual if they directly oppose those beliefs)

Slytherins: “This is my person/these are my people.” Slytherins are a house of change, and their belief systems are mostly fluid (often based on social rules, for example, “I know people don’t like it or get hurt when these types of things are said, so I will now no longer say things like this from now on” OR alternatively “I am Very Aware that acting like this makes people vaguely unnerved, and I Am Choosing To Act Like This Continuously because I am using it to separate myself from others/people deserve it/god wouldn’t that be hilarious”). Slytherins don’t have a lot of ‘fundamental beliefs’ in a way that at least they would refer to as fundamental beliefs, our lovely snake friends often struggle with knowing themselves and defining themselves rigidly enough to label them like that. In a,,, slightly depressing note some common ones are “I have to earn my worth” and “other people deserve more than me.” Hey Slytherins, I don’t remember where I heard this, but worth is a capitalist concept fed to you by corporations and you are inherently human and therefore loved and important and deserve the world. That all said, what Slytherins do not waiver from their people. Slytherin friends will text you three years after you last talked because you posted something vaguely sad on Instagram and they wanna make sure you’re good. Slytherin partners and friends will love you with all of them, the whole of their being. If someone is mean to me, my Slytherin friends will end them, and I have to be like “bro I’m not even mad, you’re being mad for me.” Slytherins don’t ghost their People, they will drag your ass through the mud until you are healthy or By God They Will Fist Fight Your Mental Illness Themselves. In this way, Slytherins are a lot like Hufflepuffs. The problem lies in when Slytherins find they don’t have any more belief or energy left in their stores to drag themselves up too. Perhaps now is the time to realize you should be one of the People you will fight for too.

Gryffindors: “This is my cause/this is a fact” I’m not going to touch too much on the “here is my ten-step plan to save the world, step one is I Do It” Gryffindors, because I think we’re all familiar with that concept of them. Again, Gryffindors will join the Peace Corps, hufflepuffs will give the person who needs cash twenty dollars if they see them, its a scope thing. What I want to dive into with Gryffindors is the Stubborn Bastard Energy that we know and love them for (I do legitimately mean that as a compliment). Gryffindors RARELY and I’m talking Borderline Never bend or leave behind a fundamental belief once they’ve established it. Gryffs often assume that these beliefs are inherent, they would not be themselves if they were not Certain about this, and therefore that certainty is essential to who they are. Therefore Gryffs deal in personal truths, or things they have decided are facts, pillars that do not change. You will want to punch your Gryffindor best friend sometimes because they put something in their head when they were six because of what someone on the playground said and now they live by that and sometimes physically struggle with processing contradictory information. This can be great, if a Gryff internalizes something like “I should do no harm” or “I will Fight A Bully” but has more frustrating consequences when its something like “If someone does something bad they are irredeemable, and I should never again respect them.” For Gryffs, sometimes the best thing to ask yourself is “wait, Why do I think that, and are there any cases that are exceptions to these rules.” But fundamentally, Gryffs often are the ones to save the world because they already believe it is a fact that they will, and that they should.

Ravenclaws: “This is complicated/This should be seen from all sides” and THEN “I’m about to end this mans whole career over this” Ravenclaws are such a fun house for this question. Ravenclaws often have a sort of information gathering stage before they even consider the idea of having an opinion in their head. Ravenclaws want to make sure they know everything they can about a cause/an issue/a person before they make that Final Call of verbalizing or standing by something, because a very serious fundamental fear for Ravenclaws is being embarrassed. I don’t mean to minimize that or invalidate it in anyway, a lot of Ravenclaws would rather be dropped in a pit of [insert distasteful creature here} than have the shame in their minds of being caught on the wrong side of an argument, without all the facts, or unprepared for a thorough discussion. Ravenclaws in this information gathering stage will often say things like “I’m not sure to be honest, I haven’t looked into it that much” or even “I don’t really like to have opinions on matters like that because I don’t think I could ever know enough to represent what I should correctly.” THAT SAID. That’s phase one. But y’all if a Ravenclaw Decides, even without acknowledging they have, a Raven Decides. From anything from “this 18th century poet was a lesbian and you simply will not convince me I’m wrong, here is a list of reasons why I’m right” to “So Determinism exists, and I fundamentally believe that, I am fascinated on what you think about Free Will though,” Ravenclaws are the probably the most complex on this subject inherently because of how much they want to make sure they know the truth. Ravenclaws will re-evaluate their beliefs, but if the information you’re bringing to the table isn’t valid enough to hold up against their previous evidence, there’s not a whole lot you’ll be able to do about it. Ravens will struggle if asked to take a stance before this phase though, so friends, please remember that no one is ever going to remember if you raised your hand and said something a little less intelligent in high school English than you would have liked other than you. It is more than okay for you to forget that too.

[satorisa]

Falling: Chapter 1 - In which the Hug is Finally Acknowledged

Rating: T

Summary:  "I wanna forget all this burden in my past."

Alternate Reading: AO3

Lift the Veil? I don’t know her.

D.N.Angel ending? I don’t know her.

But that hug? Lives, rent free in my mind, man.

Warning: Spoilers for the DNAngel ending abound.

After Dark disappeared, the hours continued to flow as if the incident had never occurred. Satoshi brought Risa home that evening before he visited the Niwa household to brainstorm a story for Commissioner Hiwatari’s disappearance. Daisuke slept next to him that night and, while comforted by his friend’s rhythmic breathing and familiar warmth, Satoshi kept his tired eyes on the window, watching as the evening skies brightened to a morning blue.

Commissioner Hiwatari was declared missing the next day, and Inspector Saehara decided to take Satoshi in for the time being. He moved into the Saehara household that same evening, everything he owned packed in a duffel bag weighing on his shoulder, and Takeshi showed him around the house.

Satoshi met Mama Saehara through a video call that same evening. She worked as a fashion designer, and her job had flung her off to Paris this time. He quite liked her.

After they hung up, he had a warm dinner with Takeshi and Inspector Saehara. It was leftovers from last night, but he enjoyed the food nonetheless.

That night, Satoshi slept next to Takeshi, who snored in his ear while either kicking him or rolling on him. Satoshi kept his tired eyes on the window, watching as the evening skies brightened to a morning blue.

He went shopping with the Saeharas the next day. They bought a bunk bed, a desk, and whatever else they thought that Satoshi would need. After that, the days fell back into their familiar rhythm as if the incident had never occurred.

Satoshi slept in the top bed for privacy. Takeshi took the bottom bed since he didn’t quite care. Their desks sat side by side in front of the window: Takeshi’s impeccably spotless and Satoshi’s covered in manila folders and schoolwork.

Everyday, Satoshi woke up, went to school, and attended the art club that Daisuke finally convinced him to join. On some evenings, Inspector Saehara would ask him for help on a case, and they always headed home after work with fried chicken for dinner. For the most part though, Satoshi spent his time after school with Daisuke and Takeshi.

Then Riku moved away.

Risa began to hang out with Daisuke and Takeshi just as much as she hung out with Ritsuko and the other girls, but she still maintained the same distance she had with Satoshi prior to the incident. She’d greet him, cordial and courteous, and she’d smile and laugh with the boys, just like him, but that was the extent of their relationship: friends of friends.

And that was how Satoshi’s second year in middle school came to an end.

…

The last of the art club members finally left. They were a group of giggling girls who clearly only joined to get closer to Satoshi but, after realizing that he wouldn’t pay any attention to them yet again, they decided to call it a day.

Satoshi sighed in relief when the door closed behind them and ran his hand through his hair. Daisuke, president of the art club, laughed at the strands that were sticking up.

“How long are you going to let them stay here?” Satoshi asked, watching the group walk and giggle down below.

“They’ll get tired eventually.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Just wait. They’ll eventually realize how boring you are and set their eyes on someone else.”

Satoshi shot Daisuke a look. He laughed before slipping off his stool.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

“My painting.”

Daisuke, eyes shining with curiosity, scurried over to Satoshi’s canvas. His jaw slacked.

Before him was the familiar visage of Dark outlined in pencil. The sharp angle of his eyes, his chiseled features, his charismatic smile, and his dark hair flowing around him: everything was detailed to utmost perfection.

“Oh my god.”

“How is it?”

“It looks just like him.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

Daisuke nodded, awestruck, but that eventually gave way to a darker expression on his face. “…why are you doing this, though?”

Satoshi shrugged. “I don’t know. Still life practice got boring, so I decided to try doing something different.”

“You could have done something else besides starting on a portrait of Dark.”

“I know, but this is what I ended up making.”

“…are you okay?”

“That’s a rhetorical question.”

Daisuke sighed. “It’s just—we’re worried about you, Satoshi. We don’t want you to hurt yourself, you know? If you’re not ready to face it, you don’t have to.”

“What? Would a portrait of my father have been better?”

“No, Satoshi, I—”

“Sorry,” Satoshi said before getting off his stool. He grabbed his bag and made his way to the door. “I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.” At the entrance, he turned around to face Daisuke. “But when the hell am I going to ever be ready?”

…

The sun began to set, casting its golden hue on the busts and wooden stands by the wall. Since Inspector Saehara didn’t need his help that evening, Satoshi stayed after the club meeting to work on his painting. A palette full of varying hues of purple floated gracefully in his left hand while a worn brush sat precariously in his right, waiting to lay down another thoughtful stroke.

The door opened.

“Hello, Hiwatari-kun!”

He tore his eyes away from the canvas to see Risa standing there. She no longer had her customary pink ribbon tying her hair up; her dark locks cascaded down just like Riku’s. If she trimmed some off, she’d be the spitting image of her sister.

Perhaps that was why she changed her hairstyle.

“Are you heading home soon?”

He glanced at his watch: 6:04 PM.

“Maybe.” Satoshi noted the bag slung over her shoulder. “I’m assuming you’re on your way back?”

“Yeah.” She frowned. “Saehara-kun kept us all late today because our monthly issue is coming out. What a workaholic.”

Satoshi smirked. “Like father, like son.”

“His dad’s just like that?”

“Absolutely. His mom’s the same way, too, so it probably runs in the family.”

Risa giggled. The door opened again, and it was the man of the hour himself. He pouted.

“I’m not as bad as my parents.”

“Sure,” Satoshi sarcastically drawled.

Takeshi just shook his head. “Whatever, bro. You headin’ back soon?”

“Maybe. Don’t wait for me if you need to head out.”

“Nah. I kinda want to hit up the arcade for a bit before we go grocery shopping.”

“Can we drop by the bookstore, too? I need to grab a couple of things.”

“Yeah. I think I need some stuff from there, too.” Takeshi then turned to Risa. “You wanna stick around with us, then? No hard feelings if you need to jet, though.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll pass. I don’t want to stay out too late and worry my parents.” She waved with a smile. “I’ll see you two tomorrow then. Bye!”

Risa skipped out of the room while Takeshi walked over to examine Satoshi’s painting. He whistled.

“Yanno, you’re a little too talented for someone who doesn’t like painting.”

“Shut up. You know how I feel about it.”

“And yet you joined the art club.”

“I have to start somewhere with that positive reassociation and all.”

“And how’s that goin’ for ya?”

“Terrible. I’m hating every second of it.”

“Well, uh, nobody asked you to make a painting of that Dark Mousy fellow, yanno?”

“Couldn’t help it. His handsome face kept bothering me.”

…

Mama Saehara popped up on his phone screen with the Parisian skyline behind her.

“Good evening, Satoshi.”

“Good morning, Saehara-san.”

“No need to be so formal with me! Please, call me Mama.”

“I’d rather not.”

She laughed. “Alrighty, hun. How’re you doing?”

“I’m alright.”

“And the therapy? Have you decided to go?”

“No. I don’t think I can.”

“That’s alright. You’re doing alright. No need to push yourself if you’re not ready.” She sighed. “I just need this project to finish and then I’ll take the first flight I can back to Japan. Just wait for me, okay?”

“No need to rush. Take all the time you need.”

“Oh honey, I appreciate the thought, but I don’t know if I trust those buffoons to take care of you. Speaking of them, how are they treating you?”

“They’re very nice. I like living here, Saehara-san. Thank you for taking me in.”

“I’m glad, Satoshi. And you’re very welcome! It’s the least we could do, truly.”

Her phone rang. Mama Saehara answered before launching into a furious tirade of French. After she hung up, she sighed and began to massage her temples.

“Sorry to cut this call short, but there’s an emergency. I’ll call again as soon as I can. Toodles!”

“Bye. Have a nice day.”

Satoshi saw himself reflected on his phone screen, and he took out his earbuds before leaving the room. He went downstairs to see Inspector Saehara at the table, can of beer open in front of him, while Takeshi began plating the food.

“How’s Ma?” Takeshi asked.

“Alright. Busy,” Satoshi answered. He grabbed some plates and bowls from the cabinets.

“Sound about right,” Takeshi said. “And you?”

“Hm?”

“How’re you?”

“Alright. Tired.”

Takeshi smirked. “Who isn’t?”

He patted Satoshi’s back before putting the plates full of table and hounding his dad about drinking: just another meal at the Saehara household.

Satoshi smiled as he began to set the table.

…

After the club meeting, Satoshi stayed behind to work on his painting, unrestrained by a request from Inspector Saehara. He mindlessly toiled away until the door opened.

“Hi, Hiwatari-kun!”

Risa’s voice broke his focus. Golden hour had passed and the blue hour settled in, dying the room a muted blue. Even Risa, despite her chipper demeanor, seamlessly blended in with the mood.

“Hey, Harada. Did the newspaper club meeting just finish?”

“Nope. It ended a while ago, but I stayed back to wrap something up.”

“So Takeshi’s already gone?”

“Yeah. I think he went to the arcade with a couple of our club members for some bonding time.”

“Ah.”

Risa swayed her head. “Are you heading home soon?”

“Yeah. Let me tidy up here, and I’ll leave with you.”

She smiled. “Thanks.”

Satoshi covered his painting with a tarp before leaving the room to clean his brushes and palette. He returned to see Risa on a stool, watching something on her phone. She laughed until she noticed he had returned, and she paused her video before offering a weak wave and smile.

Satoshi grabbed his bag. “You ready to head out?”

“Yup!”

She hopped off the stool. Satoshi closed the door behind them before they walked to the faculty office. He bowed before entering, leaving the keys to the art room with the frazzled student-teacher, and bowed after leaving. Risa trailed behind him uncharacteristically calm and quiet the whole time.

When they got to the shoe lockers, Risa finally broke her silence.

“Hiwatari-kun,” she began as he took off his slippers, “did you know him?”

“Know who?”

“The person I was waiting for that day at the lamppost.”

“It took you this long to ask me about that?”

Risa giggled. “Sorry. I couldn’t find a good time to bring it up.”

“Really? I thought you’d do it by screaming at me about hugging you and overstepping boundaries.”

Risa giggled again. Satoshi raised his eyebrow as he slipped on his shoes. “I was thinking about it, but I thought it’d be too rude to. After all, you appeared when I needed someone the most. Thank you for that.”

“I had a snarky reply to that but, since you’re being genuine, I’ll keep it to myself.”

They reconvened at the entrance. Risa’s smile looked more genuine that the one she had earlier.

Good.

“So, why bring it up now?” Satoshi asked as they began walking out.

“I tried to forget about it. Why should I stay hung up over someone I don’t remember? But, well, long story short, I couldn’t. I want to know who he was.”

They stopped at an intersection. Cars rushed by while commuters joined them, preoccupied with their own lives. Satoshi focused on the red light of the crosswalk, trying not to look at Risa’s expression.

“Are you sure you want to know?”

“Of course I do! Why else would I be asking you about him?”

“And what if I tell you that it might be overwhelming?”

“So? I’d still want to know!”

“Even if it’ll make you cry?”

“Of course! I don’t want to just forget about him!”

Satoshi sighed. The light at the crosswalk turned green, and they began to move. Risa’s head bobbed with each step, and Satoshi focused on the sidewalk to avoid looking at her.

“Harada, I’d rather not see you cry,” he said. “It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Okay then. I’ll try not to cry.”

“You? Who displays your emotions for the whole world to see? Forget it.”

Risa grabbed his arm, and he turned around. She forced him to look at her. He saw the determination in her eyes, burning just as much as it did when she was chasing Dark mere months ago.

“Hiwatari-kun, please.”

How could he say no to her?

“Alright. Fine. Just give me some time, okay?”

He brushed off her arm, frustrated by her stubbornness. But he saw the softness in her expression when he yielded, and he etched it in his memory.

[ilikelookingatthings]

So.....I just found out two of my basically a hippi friends is sort of a trump supporter now and I....I don’t know where to start?

Okay....so I live in Georgia but I used to live in Illinois and 3 of my friends up there are homeschooled hippish kids. you know vegetarian, vegans, doesn’t seem to trust vaccines but other times do. worked on pumpkin farm. really really good at tech and computers. a big fan of pokemon. very pro LGBT and all that jazz. I haven’t checked in on the sister yet but I checked with the guys a few days after the election and honestly while I wasn’t expecting them be in love with Joe Biden (He’s useful but lets face it no one is THAT enthusiastic for him....he’s better than trump but he’s no Bernie or Elizabeth warren when it comes to competency)....he was.....defending trump as the better canidate.....and I WANT to believe he is just joshing with me(he did trick me into believing he thought light was the good guy from death note instead of L).

but at this point its definitely not the case and I’m confused as all hell this happened...HOW did this happen? like he and his brother were basically bernie bro’s wo years ago the last time I checked and now they are defending trump?

I mean they brought up not trusting the main media because of the situation with the teens and the Native American that was clearly not researched enough before it was sent out into the world by any media outlit. and they brought up that trump has said he is against nazi’s and white supremacy but the media keeps asking him that question alot. even tried to use the good people on both sides bit to defend him by saying he did say nazi’s were bad before even though trump has clearly floundered n that question. even the north korean thing O.O

My sister got heated trying to understand how they feel about trump’s relationship with sexism. even the grab her by the pussy statement or the rape accusation by trumps ex wife or the many lady’s claiming it...or even the confirmed cheating scandals about trump. Like...I get that they said he is innocent until proven guilty...but they wouldn’t even acknowledge that its even having the accusations is sketchy even though they were creeped out by it two years ago!

they tried bringing up a kid who liked touching joe’s leg hair or the hair sniffing which IS creepy no doubt but not to the level of the guy who admitted he would go to the changing rooms of the teenagers in his pageants with the inspecting excuse. or talked about another man’s 14 year old daughter right infront of him. or talks about his own daughter like that.

I mean clearly there is some sexism thats creeped in because their instinct was to call my sister cuckoo and crazy or irrational because she got emotional and raised her voice when she said they them making light of the subject of the rape accusations against trump with no concern over how Trump’s history supports the lack of respect for the female gender as equals, makes her feel like if something of that nature happened to her they were letting her know she can’t trust them enough to let them know about it.

and while I get being shouted at can be uncomfortable.... is it normal to completely dismiss the point the other person was making just because the voice was raised? like somehow getting emotional or raising the voice can be seen as completely invalidating your point?

but they have been raised by a amazingly strong lady who is kind and creative and over powered medical issues and a kind smart father.

but now they are telling me that there is voter fraud in Georgia? when the REPUBLICANS are basically the ones in charge but still say there is no voter fraud? when we have had multiple recounts and everything matches up?  when all the other states including Georgia have knocked down the voter fraud ideas themselves? like voter SUPPRESSION I can TOTALLY see happening. but they brought up the video that even fox news didn’t see as a thing. and they had even admitted they haven’t been keeping up with the news as well as they should.

I’m SERIOUSLY worried about these two. like one of them admitted that he might be in a bit of a echo chamber by getting his news from the internet so there IS hope...but like..........are other people baffled?

like I get it if you fell for the rhetoric before trump became president and just stuck with it. its horrible but admitting he is wrong and bad means accepting you supported terrible views and a bad man who has ruined america’s reputation around the world and hurt many people and broken the trust americans have worked hard to build with our allies. and accepting you supported bad things can be HARD to accept...

.....I mean you should accept it because its better for you to grow as a person than to cling to a carpet bagger like trump and his lackies who have hurt many many americans and non americans at this point and are willing to shit on the constitution.....

...but like I get that if you’ve clung on this long accepting it is going to be hard and hurt because no one likes getting tricked.....

....but like...these guys started falling for trump after becoming bernie bros O.O

AFTER Trump started fucking shit up and putting incompetent people into hos positions like his kids or that lady who tried to fuck with the special olympics and the dude who started fucking with out national forests to name a few.

I don’t.....I don’t understand how to even START breaking own their logic. They think America handled COVID BETTER than other countries O.O

BETTER! O.O

They started trying to throw numbers at me but I don’t understand where their numbers are coming from!

like I can understand if it was before trump was president for 4 years MAYBE because he was a loose cannon and people were desperate for anything different and if your desperate enough to turn a blind eye to the red flags everywhere...but we KNOW for CERTAINTY that trump is a shitty president now. O.O

The man got impeached and the senate chose not to listen to witnesses instead of trying to prove trump was innocent they decided to avoid the risk that he could be guilty which made him look even guiltier.

.....Does anyone have any clues? how have you all handled loved ones believing this stuff? like its not like I want them to not find issue with the other sides. others do have problems to be pointed out but its like they are completely ignoring the problems from trump and the republican side completely and its CREEPY.

Shouldn’t there be WARNING signs for these type of things?

where am I supposed to begin? we clearly have very different sources where we get our news and media so what if i give them a source they have already decided can’t be trusted? I know its not my job to convince them but they ARE my friends. I don’t want them to get sucked in and potential lose more views they used to support.

How did all of you handle finding out your loved ones got like this internet?

[amandabe11man]

a VERY LONG post about Hell on Wheels

YEAH i forgot about this post in my drafts... it’s been like a year since i finished the show now and i feel i’ve barfed everything out into this post (that i can think of), so here it goes (you’ll have to shield your eyes after the spoiler warning if you don’t wanna be spoiled btw. i can’t seem to be able to add a read more-link...) :

SO... i finished watching “hell on wheels” at last, pm half a year since i started. it’s funny because i was under the impression that i’d sOMEHOW be able to binge all five seasons within just one month (reason: i wanted to watch it before my free trial on HBO’s website went out). honestly, that wouldn’t have been possible because it was a LOT more emotionally draining than you’d think at first glance... after being gutpunched three times in a row in season 4, any reasonable human would need a little break.

anyway, it feels-- weird. i’ve never been big on following tv-shows so i haven’t been able to relate to that feeling ppl describe once they’ve finished a show they’ve become so attached to, except NOW i can relate. the show’s not groundbreaking, it’s not perfect, but i’ve had a lot of fun. what a ride it’s been...

looking back, i’d say HOW’s biggest weakness is its tendency to forget or ignore certain plot points. i guess that’s not too weird, with such an arsenal of characters, but still, i find that’s what bugged me the most, if anything bugged me at all. for example--

[SPOILERS for those who might wanna watch it after seeing me go on abt it, idk]:

first off, what REALLY grinds my gears is how ezra dutson’s plotline was handled. it was set up perfectly in the beginning; having him escape from the swede (who promised him that, and i quote: “i’ll find you, ezra! i always do”), the original plan was obviously for ezra and the swede to “reunite” some time in the future so that ezra could tell everyone that the swede killed his parents, thus tying up loose ends and giving some closure to that whole arc. some might say this would’ve been too predictable, but i would rather have that predictable storyline than having it just end unceremoniously like it did, with ezra dying ACCIDENTALLY and off-screen by sidney snow’s hand, simply as a way to further bohannon’s pain and set the stage for ruth’s final arc. this might’ve been fine, if the writers had made it so that ezra actually, y’know, TOLD SOMEONE WHY HE’S AN ORPHAN TO BEGIN WITH. but they didn’t even give the viewer that form of closure, instead just deciding to use him as a plot device for the other characters’ increased angst... bohannon and the others were never even made aware of ezra’s last name, and this is all what bugs the everliving SHIT outta me: the only ones who know, or will EVER know, ezra’s full story is the swede and the viewer, tho after season 4′s end, ezra is never mentioned or acknowledged again-- not by bohannon, and not even by the swede. ezra went from convenient character with a PURPOSE to “nameless” orphan forgotten by history. thanks, writers...

then there’s the whole deal with campbell coming to town to reinforce The Law™, which wasn’t a bad arc, mind you-- campbell and his goons were the most infuriating little shits for a while there-- but the thing is; didn’t campbell LIE to his men about the president giving him the position as governor? i might’ve misunderstood it, but i’m PRETTY sure the president didn’t give him THAT much of an upstanding role, but that campbell just went ahead and took that position anyway? if that was indeed the case, then that’s another plot hole, cause nobody finds out about campbell’s possible trickery to become the governor. nobody rats him out, despite literally no one in “his” town liking him all that much, so they’d have no reason to protect his “secret”. (correct me if i’m wrong on this one though. i might be misremembering things)

then there’s the other pretty infuriating issue of bad guys never getting called out for doing bad shit (unless it’s the swede, who gets all the blame, all the time), for example:

major dick bongbendix(???idk he had a silly name like that) is presented VERY MUCH as a bad guy in the beginning. y’know, just casually beheading natives on all his missions and collecting those heads and taking them to the bar like a fucking nutcase-- those little details. he also seemed to believe in racial biology, so yeah, definitely not a good guy. but by the end, he’s been watered down into some quirky guy who’s ALMOST on friendly terms with the main characters. yeah, uh-- seems everyone (writers included) collectively forgot the whole public display of cut-off heads he had going on...

aaron hatch: started off as a guy too proud for his- or his family’s own good when he shot the police officer, BLAMED IT ON HIS FUCKING SON and then just kinda let bohannon hang the kid even though it was pretty obvious hatch was just shifting the blame away from himself. THEN he reappears with some other mormons and causes a full-on shootout in the town (probably getting some people killed, i don’t remember), TAKES EZRA (also a mormon) HOSTAGE SO THAT BOHANNON WILL COME WITH THEM WILLINGLY and passive aggressively forces bohannon to marry his daughter who bohannon knocked up. somewhere along the line, hatch’s bad side is just thrown to the wind, and bohannon at one point describes him as “a good man”. yeah, ABOUT THAT--

sean and mickey mcginnes: unlike the ones mentioned above, these two started out as seemingly decent dudes, but ended up pm as secondary villains in the end. however, like the ones mentioned above, they hardly face any consequences for whatever crap it was they did in boston, OR the fact that they killed and fucking mutilated/dismembered a man in cold blood (a man who WAS gonna kill them, yes, but HE did it because he thought they had killed his friend, which wasn’t a farfetched idea since mickey DID brag about killing the dude even though he didn’t actually do it). sure, they face their OWN demons as time goes on, they get ostracized, and they start losing faith in each other as well, which ends up with mickey killing sean before the latter can confess(?) his/their crimes. so, while sean was spineless and a creep, at least he thought about finally owning up to what he’d done in the end, whereas mickey lives on to keep doing shady shit, killing people, and getting increasingly more corrupt. he does end up pursuing new goals in the end, but it’s obvious he’s not happy about it anymore. that’s-- really all the comeuppance he ever gets, and the only one who knows about his shady businesses are pm just bohannon, durant and eva (also, personal gripe here-- they seemed to not settle for “just” tarring and feathering the swede and publicly humiliating him, but i’m pretty sure i recall mickey telling bohannon they were thinking about having the swede killed too. keep in mind, this was BEFORE the swede truly lost it and started killing people left and right. apparently, being kind of a douche about taxes is bad enough to warrant being tortured and cast out by the entire community... i’m obviously biased here, but still-- the mcginnes bros’ double standards are amazing to behold)

now that i’ve aired some of that out-- here are some highlights, according to me:

unexpected friendships, like that between eva and durant. i’d say the swede finding that stray dog and fawning all over him qualifies into this category too

durant and campbell fighting in the mud before finally coming to an agreement -- just- durant and his competitors being petty as fuck, honestly. it’s hilarious

bohannon trying to get through to elam by reminiscing about their friendship, especially since bohannon isn’t one to show his feelings often OR get sappy -- in fact, EVERY time bohannon loses his stoic facade is a good moment. when he was gonna bury elam and he just broke down completely for the first time since we were introduced to him... that shit had me in tears as well, but man was it a great scene

jimmy two-squaws

every time the swede opens his mouth (yes, even when he’s spouting some lies and bullshit like that)

ruth’s character development. i admit i didn’t like her at all in the beginning, idk something just felt off about her, but man did she ever grow on me. just-- how everyone kinda relied on her eventually, even though she’s only like in her 20′s or something... she still became a pillar of the community. bless ya, ruth :’ı -- also, her essentially adopting ezra was Pure as heck. I Lov it

the fact that this was the 1800′s and the only backlash the (openly) LGBT characters faced for it was pm just “yeah they’re a bit confused maybe but they’re not hurting anyone”. maybe that’s not very realistic but WHO GIVES A SHIT AMIRITE

mr tao just being a sweet old man

chang’s sunglasses, straight out of Django Unchained

mr toole’s complete heel-turn from racist POS to someone who sticks by his word to turn himself around. that shit was impressive coming from him, tbh

bohannon just calmly running into a buffalo by the train tracks

mei posing as a grown man instead of a boy (which is what she looks and sounds like, oml)

another thing i realized is that bohannon is a classic gary stu. there’s just no getting around that fact after seeing him being revered by most everyone he meets, how he’s somehow the only person able to build the railroad(s) fast and efficiently, and even wooing the literal PRESIDENT and becoming close friends with him-- all this despite his Bold and Brash personality. of course, there’s more to bohannon than these gary stu-symptoms, but i felt someone should bring it up, for the lulz

[coronavirusretailstoressanitize]

New York’s true nursing home coronavirus death toll cloaked in secrecy

Riverdale Nursing Home in the Bronx appears, on paper, to have escaped the worst of the coronavirus pandemic, with an official state count of just four deaths in its 146-bed facility.

The truth, according to the home, is far worse: 21 dead, most transported to hospitals before they succumbed.

“It was a cascading effect,” administrator Emil Fuzayov recalled. “One after the other.”

WHO'S TO BLAME FOR CORONAVIRUS DEATHS IN NURSING HOMES?

New York’s coronavirus death toll in nursing homes, already among the highest in the nation, could actually be a significant undercount. Unlike every other state with major outbreaks, New York only counts residents who died on nursing home property and not those who were transported to hospitals and died there.

That statistic that could add thousands to the state’s official care home death toll of just over 6,600. But so far the administration of Democratic Gov. Andrew Cuomo has refused to divulge the number, leading to speculation the state is manipulating the figures to make it appear it is doing a better than other states and to make a tragic situation less dire.

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo removes a mask as he holds a news conference in Tarrytown, N.Y. on June 15, 2020. (AP Photo/Mark Lennihan, File) “That’s a problem, bro,” state Sen. Gustavo Rivera, a Democrat, told New York Health Commissioner Howard Zucker during a legislative hearing on nursing homes earlier this month. “It seems, sir, that in this case you are choosing to define it differently so that you can look better.”

How big a difference could it make? Since May, federal regulators have required nursing homes to submit data on coronavirus deaths each week, whether or not residents died in the facility or at a hospital. Because the requirement came after the height of New York’s outbreak, the available data is relatively small. According to the federal data, roughly a fifth of the state’s homes reported resident deaths from early June to mid July — a tally of 323 dead, 65 percent higher than the state’s count of 195 during that time period.

Even if half that undercount had held true from the start of the pandemic, that would translate into thousands more nursing home resident deaths than the state has acknowledged.

CORONAVIRUS DEATHS IN US NURSING, LONG-TERM-CARE FACILITIES TOP 50,000

Another group of numbers also suggests an undercount. State health department surveys show 21,000 nursing home beds are lying empty this year, 13,000 more than expected — an increase of almost double the official state nursing home death tally. While some of that increase can be attributed to fewer new admissions and people pulling their loved ones out, it suggests that many others who aren’t there anymore died.

However flawed New York’s count, Cuomo has not been shy about comparing it to tallies in other states.

Nearly every time Cuomo is questioned about New York’s nursing home death toll, he brushes off criticism as politically motivated and notes that his state’s percentage of nursing home deaths out of its overall COVID-19 death toll is around 20%, far less than Pennsylvania’s 68%, Massachusetts’ 64% and New Jersey’s 44%.

“Look at the basic facts where New York is versus other states,” Cuomo said during a briefing Monday. “You look at where New York is as a percentage of nursing home deaths, it’s all the way at the bottom of the list.”

In another briefing last month, he touted New York’s percentage ranking as 35th in the nation. “Go talk to 34 other states first. Go talk to the Republican states now — Florida, Texas, Arizona — ask them what is happening in nursing homes. It’s all politics.”

Emergency medical workers arrive at Cobble Hill Health Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York on April 17, 2020. (AP Photo/John Minchillo, File) Boston University geriatrics expert Thomas Perls said it doesn’t make sense that nursing home resident deaths as a percentage of total deaths in many nearby states are more than triple what was reported in New York.

“Whatever the cause, there is no way New York could be truly at 20%,” Perls said.

A running tally by The Associated Press shows that more than 68,200 residents and staff at nursing homes and long-term facilities across the nation have died from the coronarivus, out of more than 163,000 overall deaths.

For all 43 states that break out nursing home data, resident deaths make up 44% of total COVID deaths in their states, according to data from the Kaiser Family Foundation. Assuming the same proportion held in New York, that would translate to more than 11,000 nursing home deaths.

To be sure, comparing coronavirus deaths in nursing homes across states can be difficult because of the differences in how states conduct their counts. New York is among several states that include probable COVID-19 deaths as well as those confirmed by a test. Some states don’t count deaths from homes where fewer than five have died. Others don’t always give precise numbers, providing ranges instead. And all ultimately rely on the nursing homes themselves to provide the raw data.

CUOMO TAKES HEAT OVER NY NURSING HOME STUDY

“Everybody is doing it however they feel like doing it. We don’t have very good data. It’s just all over the place, all over the country,” said Toby Edelman of the Center for Medicare Advocacy, a nonprofit representing nursing home residents.

New York health chief Zucker explained during the legislative hearing that New York only counts deaths on the nursing home property to avoid “double-counting” deaths in both the home and the hospital. And while he acknowledged the state keeps a running count of nursing home resident deaths at hospitals, he declined to provide even a rough estimate to lawmakers.

“I will not provide information that I have not ensured is absolutely accurate,” Zucker said. “This is too big an issue and it’s too serious an issue.”

Zucker promised to provide lawmakers the numbers as soon as that doublechecking is complete. They are still waiting. The AP has also been denied access to similar nursing home death data despite filing a public records request with the state health department nearly three months ago.

IN WAKE OF CORONAVIRUS DEATHS, CARE HOMES FACE LEGAL RECKONING

Dr. Michael Wasserman, president of the California Association of Long Term Care Medicine, said it is unethical of New York to not break out the deaths of nursing home residents at hospitals. “From an epidemiological and scientific perspective, there is absolutely no reason not to count them.”

Nursing homes have become a particular sore point for the Cuomo administration, which has generally received praise for steps that flattened the curve of infections and New York’s highest-in-the-nation 32,781 overall deaths.

But a controversial March 25 order to send recovering COVID-19 patients from hospitals into nursing homes that was designed to free up hospital bed space at the height of the pandemic has drawn withering criticism from relatives and patient advocates who contend it accelerated nursing home outbreaks.

GET FOX BUSINESS ON THE GO BY CLICKING HERE

Cuomo reversed the order under pressure in early May. And his health department later released an internal report that concluded asymptomatic nursing home staffers were the real spreaders of the virus, not the 6,300 recovering patients released from hospitals into nursing homes.

But epidemiologists and academics derided the study for a flawed methodology that sidestepped key questions and relied on selective stats, including the state’s official death toll figures.

“We’re trying to find out what worked and what didn’t work and that means trying to find patterns,” said Bill Hammond, who works on health policy for the nonprofit Empire Center think tank. “You can’t do that if you have the wrong data.”

[aion-rsa]

Hamilton: Ranking Every Song from the Soundtrack

https://ift.tt/2YTCryx

Imagine the experience of being one of the first individuals to see Lin-Manuel Miranda’s now-classic Hamilton: An American Musical live. 

The first thing you notice is the spartan, largely empty stage. Then as Leslie Odom Jr. takes the stage as Aaron Burr followed by Miranda’s Hamilton, you realize that this production about America’s founding fathers is made up almost exclusively of People of Color. That’s a lot to take in from the start. At a certain point, however, you’re bound to realize that the play is about 40 minutes in and The. Music. Has. Not. Stopped. 

In addition to its many ingenious quirks and hooks, Hamilton is truly a musical musical. Miranda’s book and lyrics about one of the country’s most colorful and impressive founders has a lot of ground to cover. And it does so at a musical sprint with almost no expository time-wasting in-between.

As such, the Hamilton soundtrack is a staggeringly impressive piece of recent culture. At 46 tracks spread out over nearly two and a half hours, this album closely replicates the experience of a show most could never get a ticket to live. A passionate, thriving Hamilton fandom rose up out of that soundtrack and it continues through to this day.

Now, with Hamilton about to be more accessible than ever by joining Disney+, we decided to rank all 46 of those tracks.

46. Hurricane

The hurricane that ravaged Alexander Hamilton’s Caribbean island home of St. Croix was a crucial part of his life and led to him securing passage to the United States. But the song “Hurricane” uses the storm late in the play as a tortured metaphor for his turbulent public life. It’s undoubtedly the least energetic and weakest full song on the Hamilton soundtrack.

45. Farmer Refuted

“Farmer Refuted” does well to capture a young Hamilton’s rhetorical brilliance early on in the play but doesn’t hold up well against other, more fully crafted tunes. Hercules Mulligan mumbling “tear this dude apart” is certainly a soundtrack highlight though. 

44. The Story of Tonight (Reprise)

What would any Broadway musical soundtrack be without a reprise or two? “The Story of Tonight (Reprise)” is certainly fun. But, ultimately, tales of Hamilton’s legendary horniness would have been better suited with a full song. 

43. Schuyler Defeated

Just about every line of dialogue in Hamilton is sung… including heavily expository moments like Burr defeating Hamilton’s father-in-law in a local election. The subject matter and lack of true musical gusto makes “Schuyler Defeated” one of the least essential tracks in the show.

42. We Know

It’s a testament to how strong the Hamilton soundtrack is that a song like “We Know” could appear this low on the list. This account of Jefferson and company informing Hamilton of what they know is quite good; it just pales in comparison to the song in which they uncover Hamilton’s misdeeds. 

41. It’s Quiet Uptown

This is sure to be a controversial spot on the list for this much-loved ballad. “It’s Quiet Uptown” is indeed composed quite beautifully. It also features lyrics that seem to be almost impatient in nature – as though the song is trying to rush the Hamiltons through the grieving process to get back on with the show. 

40. Take a Break

Part of the miracle of Hamilton is how the soundtrack is able to turn rather mundane concepts and events in Hamilton’s life into rousing, larger-than-life musical numbers. “Take a Break” is charged with dramatizing the notion that Hamilton simply works too much with a sweetly melancholic melody. It does quite a good job in this regard but naturally can’t compete with some of the more bombastic songs on the list. 

39. Stay Alive

Set in the brutal dredge of the Revolutionary War, “Stay Alive” is a song about desperation. And between its urgent piano rhythm and panicky Miranda vocals, it does quite a good job of capturing the appropriate mood. It also feels like one long middle with no compelling introduction or conclusion. 

38. Best of Wives and Best of Women

Talk about “the calm before the storm.” “Best of Wives and Best of Women” captures one last quiet moment between Alexander and Eliza before Aaron Burr canonizes his one-time friend to the $10 bill. It’s brief, lovely, and effective. 

37. The Adams Administration

Hamilton wisely surmises that the best way to introduce audiences to new eras of its title character’s life story is through the narration of the man who killed him in Aaron Burr (Leslie Odom Jr.). Odom Jr.’s real flare for showmanship turns what could be throw-away intros into truly excellent material. It also features a hilarious nod to Sherman Edwards’ 1776 musical when Hamilton says, “Sit down, John” and then adds a colorful, “you fat motherf***er!”

36. A Winter’s Ball

Again: Burr’s monologues are always a welcome presence in these tracks. And in “A Winter’s Ball,” he does some of his best work by setting up Burr and Hamilton’s prowess… “with the ladiessssss!”

35. Meet Me Inside

Despite a brief running time, “Meet Me Inside” is able to establish George Washington’s general bona fides and Hamilton’s daddy issues in equal measure. 

34. Your Obedient Servant

“Your Obedient Servant” is Hamilton’s loving ode to passive aggression. In just two minutes and thirty seconds, you’ll believe that two grown men could somehow neg themselves into a duel via letter-writing. 

33. The Reynolds Pamphlet

You know that old adage of “he could read out of a phonebook and it would be interesting?” Well Hamilton basically does that with “The Reynolds Pamphlet.” The ominous music injects real import into the simple act of writing that would upend the Hamilton family’s lives. 

32. That Would Be Enough

Eliza’s refrain of “look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now” recurs at the beginning of “That Would Be Enough” in a truly touching way. This song is a real tonal whiplash from the revolutionary battles and duels that precede it, but it is ultimately strong enough to bring the focus back to Alexander and Eliza and not just the hectic world they inhabit. 

31. The Story of Tonight

“The Story of Tonight” is both a clever drinking song among bros and a subtle setup for the show’s larger theme of one’s story being told after they’re gone. The song is both affecting and effective, just a little too short to stand out and make big waves on our list. 

30. Blow Us All Away

“Blow Us All Away” is a fun, jaunty little ditty from Anthony Ramos’ Philip Hamilton. It rather ingeniously incorporates the young Philip’s own musical motif before ending in tragedy. 

29. Stay Alive (Reprise)

It’s hard for any song to emotionally contend with the death of a child in under two minutes but “Stay Alive (Reprise)” does a shockingly good job. There’s a real sense of urgency to the music before it settles in for poor Philip to say his final words. 

28. Burn

Musically, “Burn” is not one of the better ballads in Hamilton. Lyrically, however, its power is hard to deny. Phillipa Soo does a remarkable job communicating Eliza’s pain at her husband’s betrayal. More impressive is how she communicates the only way to work through that pain, which is through burning all of his personal correspondences and writings to her. 

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27. The Election of 1800

Hamilton is the rare musical where one character can sing “can we get back to politics please?” and the audience’s response is “hell yeah!”. The show is uncommonly good at dramatizing boring political processes, and “The Election of 1800” is no exception. The song builds up to a pseudo-reprisal of “Washington on Your Side” in a shockingly effective and cathartic way. 

26. History Has Its Eyes on You

“History Has Its Eyes on You” is a powerful recurring phrase through the entirety of Hamilton. Each and every time the concept comes up in a song, it truly stands out. Strangely though, the song that bears its name is only in the middle of the pack in terms of the show’s numbers. Perhaps it’s because it occurs near the middle of the first act, before we can properly appreciate its heady themes? 

25. Aaron Burr, Sir

One of Hamilton’s most charming traits is how readily it acknowledges what an annoying pain in the ass its lead character can be at times. “Aaron Burr, Sir” is literally the second song of the entire musical and helps establish its playful tone as much as the bombastic opening number establishes a deadly serious one. 

24. Guns and Ships

Ballads are nice. “I want” songs are nice. Recurring motifs are nice. But sometimes you need a song that just goes hard. Thanks to “America’s favorite fighting Frenchman” that’s what “Guns and Ships” delivers. Lafayette actor Daveed Diggs faces an enormous challenge in Act One by filling out the character’s growth in bits and pieces. “Guns and Ships” is the reward, where a fully unleashed (and English-fluent) Lafayette makes it very clear what hell he has in store for the British army. 

23. Washington on Your Side

Thomas Jefferson is such a dynamo of a presence in Hamilton that one could be forgiven for forgetting how infrequently he turns up. Jefferson (and Daveed Diggs) is operating at an absurdly high capacity in “Washington on Your Side.” Meanwhile the music has a ball keeping up with the increasingly incensed backroom scheming of Jefferson and his “Southern motherfucking Democratic-Republicans!”

22. Right Hand Man

Thirty-two thousand troops in New York Harbor. That’s uh… that’s a lot. While the second act of Hamilton has to work a little harder to capture the drama of the inner-workings of a fledgling government, the first act is able to absolutely breeze through some truly epic and exciting songs covering the Revolutionary War. “Right Hand Man” is one such ditty that really captures the frenetic urgency of a bunch of up-jumped wannabe philosophers trying to topple the world’s most powerful empire. 

21. The Schuyler Sisters

Honestly, “The Schuyler Sisters” deserve better than its placement on this list. It’s just that everything that comes after is such a banger, that it’s hard to justify moving up the dynamic introduction of Angelicaaaa, Elizzzaaaaa… and Peggy.

20. Ten Duel Commandments

Imagine how insane you would sound in circa 1998 explaining that there would one day be a musical about the founding fathers that uses the framework of Notorious B.I.G.’s “Ten Crack Commandments” to describe the duel between Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton. Then imagine how insane you would sound when explaining that it was great. “Ten Duel Commandments” doesn’t cover the “big” duel of Hamilton. It’s a teaser for what’s to come. Thankfully it’s a hell of a good teaser. 

19. Cabinet Battle #2

Hamilton’s two cabinet battles run the risk of being the cringiest part of the show. Every concept has its stylistic limit, and a rap battle between Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson should absolutely fly past that limit. Somehow, however, the novelty works and the creativity of Miranda’s writing shines through. 

18. Cabinet Battle #1

The two Cabinet Battles are pretty interchangeable on the list. #1 gets the nod because of “we know who’s really doing the planting.”

17. What Comes Next

The trilogy of King George III songs is some of the most purely joyful songwriting on the Hamilton soundtrack. We can dive into the specifics of what really works about the songs in a later entry. For now, know that “What Comes Next” falls the lowest on our list due to featuring only one round of “da-da-da’s.”

16. I Know Him

“I Know Him” also features only one burst of “da-da-da’s.” But it still gets the nod over “What Comes Next” for King George III calling John Adams “that little guy who spoke to me.” 

15. Dear Theodosia

Perhaps more so than any other character in Hamilton, Aaron Burr works best on his own. The character (and the man he was based on) plays things close to the vest by design. It’s only through his musical soliloquies that we get a real sense of the guy. That’s what makes “Dear Theodosia” so powerful in particular. Burr wants the same thing for his daughter that Hamilton wants for his son: “Some day you’ll blow us all away.”

14. One Last Time

George Washington owned slaves. Yeah yeah, you can bandy around the usual “bUt He ReLeAsEd ThEm AlL lAtEr In LiFe” all you want. At the end of the day, it’s an inescapable fact for the country to confront. It’s a hard thing for Hamilton, however,  a show realistic about America’s flaws but still reverential to its founding story, to deal with. Hamilton presents the George Washington of American mythos for the most part and he strikes an undeniably impressive and imposing figure. To that end, “One Last Time” is one of the most unexpectedly moving songs in the show. Washington is committing one of the most important and selfless acts in American history by stepping aside. Yet there’s a real sense of sadness as the cast chants “George Washington’s going hooo-ooo-ooome.”

13. Non-Stop

“Non-Stop” is an extremely atypical choice for an Act-ender. Hamilton could have just as easily chosen to wrap up Act One with the rebels’ victory over Great Britain. Instead it takes a moment to process that then deftly sets up the rest of its story with “Non-Stop,” which is simply a song about Hamilton’s insane work ethic. The key to the track’s success is how relentless it is, as if it were trying to keep up with and mimic the title character’s pace. Then there are all the usual exciting Act-ending reprisals and recurring motifs to boot. 

12. Say No To This

Just as was the case in Hamilton’s life, Maria Reynolds has only a brief role in the show, but her influence casts quite a long shadow. “Say No To This” is a real showcase for both Miranda and Maria actress Jasmine Cephas Jones. This is a devastatingly catchy jazzy number about marital infidelity…. as all songs about marital infidelity should be. 

11. Alexander Hamilton

“How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore / And a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot / In the Caribbean by providence impoverished / In squalor, grow up to be a hero and a scholar?” our narrator Aaron Burr asks in Hamilton’s superb opening number. A play with so many moving parts, and such a high-concept needs an indelible opening track to convince audiences that the madness that is about to follow is worth waiting for. “Alexander Hamilton” is more than up to the task. This is an exhilarating starter that introduces its audience to all the important characters, themes, and sounds of the show. It also has its lead character spell out his full name in a rap, which somehow ends up being awesome and endearing rather than corny. 

10. Wait for It

Just like the rest of us, Burr is the main character of his own story. And the show allows him to tell that story in songs like “Wait For It.” “Wait For It” is an exciting, downright explosive bit of songwriting. It’s every bit the “I want” song for Burr that “My Shot” is to Hamilton. And just like Burr and Hamilton are two sides of the same coin, so too are these two songs. Burr is alone once again in this powerful number. And he uses that privacy as an excuse to loudly… LOUDLY exclaim his modus operandi. He comes from a similar background as Hamilton and he wants mostly the same things as Hamilton. The difference between the two of them is that Burr is willing to wait for it all.

9.  The Room Where it Happens

Bless this musical for having a song as brilliant  as “The Room Where it Happens” only just being able to crack the top 10. There are hundreds of musicals in which “The Room Where it Happens” would be far and away the standout number. For Hamilton, it’s ninth. “The Room Where It Happens” is another example of the show taking a seemingly bland topic (backroom deal-making) and turning it into something transcendently entertaining for its audience and something transcendently illustrative for its characters. This is the song where the borders between Aaron Burr: Narrator and Aaron Burr: Vengeance-Seeker come down.  Burr starts off as a patient observer of what kind of nefarious negotiations go into the building of a country before his frustration slowly builds into the recognition that he needs to be in the room where it happens. 

8. Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

Truly there is no more fitting ending to Hamilton than “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story.” At its core, this is a play not only about legacy but about the fungible nature of legacy. Alexander Hamilton is gone and we know his story lives on. But who will tell that story? Like any good closing number, “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story” knows the importance of bringing back many of the play’s core concepts and characters. And none of those are more important than Eliza’s assertion that she is ready “to write herself back into the narrative.” In the end, it’s not the revolutions or the pamphlets but the love. And that’s how one finds oneself in the absurd position of crying over the guy on the $10 bill.

7. What’d I Miss?

Lin-Manuel Miranda has described Thomas Jefferson as the show’s Bugs Bunny. Nowhere is that more apparent than in the ludicrously jaunty track that opens up Hamilton’s Act Two. There might not be a more joyful or outright hilarious three minutes in any of the soundtrack’s 46 songs. After several years spent living it up in France, Daveed Diggs’s TJ returns to the United States. The rest of his fellow revolutionaries have moved on to R&B and rap, but Jefferson is still stuck in full on jazz mode. “What’d I Miss” serves as the perfect introduction to a crucial character and the themes of the show’s second half. 

6. The World Was Wide Enough

If “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story” is designed to make the audience cry, then “The World Was Wide Enough” exists to make them gasp. This penultimate song is a truly stunning piece of work. This is a sprawling performance that brings back “The 10 Duel Commandments” in expected yet still emotional fashion. Then at the play’s climactic moment, it cuts out the music entirely to make room for Hamilton’s internal monologue – his one last ride through all the pages he won’t write. Finally it covers the grim aftermath of Burr and Hamilton’s duel as the survivor grapples with what he has done. There is a lot packed into these five minutes of song and each moment is more compelling than the last. 

5. You’ll Be Back

If absolutely nothing else in Hamilton worked – if the characterizations were off, if the costumes were too simple, if the “Founding Fathers rapping” concept couldn’t be executed – the play’s two and a half hours all still would have been worth it for this one, tremendously goofy song. King George III (portrayed by Jonathan Groff in the original Broadway production) pops up three times throughout the show to deliver pointed little reminders to the American colonists about how good they used to have it. The first time around is by far the best, in large part because it’s so charmingly unexpected and weird. By the time King George III gets to the “da-da-da” section of his breakup song with America, it’s hard to imagine anyone resisting the song… or the show’s charms. 

4. My Shot

While “You’ll Be Back” may go down as the most enduring karaoke song from Hamilton, “My Shot” is almost certainly the play’s most recognizable and iconic tune. Every musical needs an “I want” song in which its lead articulates what they want out of this whole endeavor. Rarely are those “I wants” as passionate and thrilling as “My Shot.” This was reportedly the song that Miranda took the longest to write and it’s clear now to see why. Not only is “My Shot” lyrically and musically intricate, but it does the majority of play’s heavy lifting in establishing Hamilton as a character. Just about everything we need to know about Alexander Hamilton and what drives him is introduced here. And the work put into “My Shot” makes all of its recurring themes and concepts hit so much harder in the songs to come. 

3. Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down)

In many ways, ��Yorktown” benefits from the precedent that earlier songs like “My Shot” established. This is a song that puts energetic renditions of previous lines like “I’m not throwing away my shot” and “I imagine death so much it feels like a memory” to grand use. But for as much as “Yorktown” deftly invokes Hamilton’s past, what makes this song truly special is how solely focused it is on the present. To put it quite simply: “Yorktown” goes hard. It is fast, harsh, chaotic, and thrilling. This is the song that captures the moment that American troops defeated the British empire and “the world turned upside down.” It’s to the song’s immense credit that the music and lyrics capture the enormity of the moment. Also, there’s “stealing the show” and then there’s what Hercules Mulligan (Okieriete Onaodowan) does here in “Yorktown.” We’re in the shit now, and Hercules is loving it. 

2. Helpless

“Helpless” might be pound for pound the best musical moment in all of Hamilton. It’s a simple, seemingly effortless love song that, even removed from the context of the show, would sound beautiful coming out of anyone’s car radio on a lovely summer day. Within the context of the show, it’s even better. It acts as a rare moment of celebration for all the characters involved before the Revolutionary War really gets churning and before a young America needs capable young Americans to guide it. What makes “Helpless” truly great, however, is the song that follows it…

1. Satisfied

Wait, wait… why is Angelica saying “rewind?” Why do we need to rewind? We had such a lovely night! The transition between “Helpless” and “Satisfied” is Hamilton’s greatest magic trick. The former presents a night of unambiguous love and celebration. Then the latter arrives to teach us that there is no such thing as “unambiguous” in Hamilton. In a truly remarkable performance, Angelica Schuyler (Renée Elise Goldsberry) teaches us what really happened the night Hamilton met the Schuyler sisters. Angelica will never be satisfied, and it’s because she’s “a girl in a world in which (her) only job is to marry rich.” Hamilton and Eliza’s story is a love story. But it’s also a story of Angelica’s loss. “Satisfied” imbues the musical with a sense of subtle melancholy that it never quite shakes through to the very end. “Satisfied” is the emotional lynchpin of Hamilton, and as such also its very best song. 

The post Hamilton: Ranking Every Song from the Soundtrack appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[proxylynn]

Underfell: File Name not Edgy Enough #23

Chapter 23: Recompense

WARNING: I WANT NO RESPONSIBILITY OVER SPOILING THINGS FOR OTHERS. THAT BEING SAID, THIS IS HOW FILE NAME NOT FOUND WOULD FUNCTION IN THE AU OF UNDERFELL. BEFORE YOU READ THIS, UNLIKE THE NICE TIME OF UNDERTALE, THIS WORLD IS KILL OR BE KILLED. THIS STORY WILL BE GRAPHIC, GORY, USE SWEARS LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS, AND DEAL WITH SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTERS. FOR EXAMPLE, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ THE FILE NAME RELOCATED SPOOF WILL KNOW HOW I PICTURE THIS VERSION OF LYNSIE COMING TO THE UNDERGROUND. IT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING DUMB. IT IS BECAUSE SHE CHOOSES TO END HER LIFE. SO TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. I MADE IT BECAUSE I NEEDED TO LET SOME OF THIS EDGINESS OUT OF MYSELF. WHICH I GUESS MAKES UNDERFELL LYNSIE EVEN MORE TRUE TO WHO I REALLY AM. ANYWAY, ENJOY. ^_^

So after being a massive bitch and retreating to his "in case of bullshit, go here" place, Sans finds himself doing the one thing he'd been avoiding to do by drinking himself numb...Reflecting on his life. This place is hard to get to and not a known area one wouldn't think even was there. A small room with nothing more than a mere bench and lonesome echo flower to fill it's void. While there is a dock to this area, it doesn't get any use. He found this spot during a really bad night of heavy drinking. He had no idea how he got here, but since it's so hidden, he keeps it as a safe place. That used to be his lab. But Papyrus converted that into his torture room like an asshole.

A small reflective tin dully catches his eye from under his seat. A reminder of his last effort to try to do something nice and embodies his state at that time. An abandoned quiche. A psychologically damaged spinach egg pie. Tastes delicious, but it has some serious trust issues. He thought about throwing away the abandoned quiche. A tremor of shame runs through his body. He can't do it. He isn't ready for the responsibility. The quiche was left all alone...Like he is now.

No. No, he needed to not think like that. His loathing and negativity are what got him here in the first place. Well, that and pushing everyone away by being a massive fuck! His attitude made him say shit you never want to say to family. He then hides at the one person that would dare call him a friend's house. And then someone that should be his enemy wanted to help him yet he may have just seriously hurt them. Yeah. He had no excuse for this. It doesn't matter how he's had to drink or the lack of sleep. He made those choices. He has to live with them now. So with that being acknowledged...How was he to fix it all?

"argh! fuck my life!"

If anything, it was probably a safe bet to begin with the ones that would be willing to listen to him before kicking his bony ass. Taking a few moments to slap some sense into himself, he gets enough courage to teleport back to Grillby's bar.

Inside it's dark and shutdown. The result of his dumbassery. Snoring gets his attention and the memory of the sleeping flower comes to him. It's a dirty move, but having a minor hostage never hurt to prevent instant attacks. He collects the slumbering flora's pack and nervously approaches the door to Grillby's home. Nervousness has him staring at it for quite some time before his hand knocks on its own. The time before the door opens is painfully tense. Though not as painful as when it does open and Grillby, understandably, hurls the skeleton inside with anger. Causing the bonehead to crash into a few things.

"You have a lot of nerve for a skeleton."

The fire of Grillby crackles harshly. His body casting an immense glow due to the exposed nature of his shirtless torso. Probably he removed the clothing due to all the blood on it. Not wanting to point out something so awkward or wanting his marrow boiled, Sans quickly recovers and holds the pack up.

"ease off for a bit. ya don't want to burn her bro, do ya?"

Grillby glares.

"Dirt move, Sans. But well played."

No! That's not the way he meant.

"i'm not trying...*sigh* i just want ya to hear me out first. then you can do whatever it is ya want. just...let me say my peace. please?"

Grillby eyes him before seemingly relenting, lessening the strength of his flames.

"Fine. You can speak. But not to me. You beg her for mercy before I'll think about giving you any."

He figured as much. However, looking around showed little sign of her apart from a few stains on the floor.

"um...where is...?"

"Follow me."

Not like he was given much of choice when the fire elemental grabs his coat and drags him down the stairs. This was new territory for him. He'd never been down here before. Though it's not like he'll be able to memorize how many doors or which was what room. All he knows is that Grillby pulls him into one where the lights are dimmed and there's a bed. Forced inside, Grillby lets Sans go to walk over to the bed and nudge the one on it.

"Lynsie? Dear, wake up. Did you take the medicine I gave you?"

Some soft tired groans were her return to consciousness.

"*weak* I did...tasted bad."

"Do you need more water?"

"*weak* Please?"

He pets her head.

"Of course, dear."

He leers over his shoulder at the skeleton.

"You have a visitor."

"*weak* Visitor?"

"I can make him leave if you're not up for it?"

"*weak* I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

She does something Sans couldn't see from behind Grillby but whatever it was it has the bartender stand up.

"I'll be back with your drink. Just stay awake, okay?"

"*weak* I'll try."

Grillby heads towards him and takes the pack from his shaking hands. How long was that happening?

"I won't be gone long. Don't make either of us regret this."

Grillby leaves and Sans hesitates to move.

"*weak* To be honest...I wasn't expecting you to show up so early, Sans."

This gets his head working again and he steps closer to see her.

"early? it's been like an hour or something since then."

"*weak* Really? Damn. My sense of time sucks even more than I thought."

She looked so tired. Like it was taking everything to be this awake. Her shoulder is bandaged and she's in a tank-top that probably belongs to Grillby. Thank god she was changed out of that outfit.

"kid..."

She pats the spot beside her.

"*weak* You look like you have a lot to say. Sit. Talk to me, friend."

Why did that feel so weird?

"why are ya doing this?"

She tilts her head softly.

"*weak* What?"

"you're still being nice to me. even after this. why? why aren't you mad at me? why won't act like a normal person and be upset when you should?!"

It was happening again. He was losing control of himself. He had to get a grip before...

"*weak* Cute."

She stunned him. Very easily too. And with very little effort. All it took was a dumb word and her hand lightly touching his.

"*weak* Please...Sit with me, silly bones."

For his sanity's sake, he prayed this was due to Grillby giving her pain killers. He gives in and sits.

"fine. ya got me."

"*weak* No I don't. I don't have the energy to hug you again."

He eyed her funny.

"how high are you?"

She giggles and he is pretty sure that's a maybe to her being a bit loopy.

"*weak* You said it wrong...It's 'hi, how are you'."

It takes him a moment to register that, but when it finally clicks, it becomes the most hilarious thing he's heard in ages.

"*laughter* oh my fucking god..."

"*weak* There we go. That's much better. I don't like seeing you sad. Your smile is so cute."

Wait, what did she say?

"*weak* Now that you're you again..."

She tries to scoot herself into a sitting position but can't get past a lounging pose.

"*weak* Why don't you tell me what's on your mind."

Her calm not pissed off attitude was both relieving and bugging him.

"seriously, why aren't ya tearing into me right now?"

"*weak* Easy...I can barely move, numskull."

The humor, while funny, wasn't helping.

"no. i mean it. you should be the one wanting to kick my ass. yet grillz is the one just waiting for you to say the word and burn me to ash."

She shakes her head.

"*weak* Sans, buddy, we've been over this. I don't want to hurt anyone. Especially you. Not over something so dumb."

"dumb? look at ya! you nearly die from blood loss and for what? because ya hugged me? don't let me get away with that!"

She looks at him funny.

"*weak* You want me to be mad at you over an accident?"

"yes! maybe? i don't know. just...do something than just automatically forgive me."

"*weak* You know, for a guy that shouted he wasn't my friend, you sure do care a lot about how I should feel about you right now."

That caught him off guard. Why did this bother him if he didn't care? This line of thought is broken by the entering of Grillby and his approach.

"All is well I hope."

For a guy made of fire, he can sound and be downright cold when the moment is right.

"*weak* Be nice."

"I am being nice. If I wasn't, he'd be dead right now."

She scoffs.

"*weak*And I thought women were over-reactive."

The barkeep comes over and glares at Sans while handing her the glass of water.

"*weak* Thank you, sweetie."

"Anytime, dear."

Their seemingly happy relationship made the skeleton uncomfortable. They were sweet, loving, and uncaring about anything that was done in the sight of others. Other than them being of warring sides, they were the definition of an odd couple by Underground standards. She drinks slowly as her eyes droop a bit.

"maybe i should come back later. you're not looking too good."

She grabs his sleeve with a quickness neither guy was expecting.

"*weak* Not yet. We still have things to say."

Sans wants to retreat but that feeling only pisses him off. He hated this. This cowardice. Didn't he come here to prove that he was done running from his problems?

"yeah...we do."

Grillby clears his throat to make his presence in the room still apparent.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, dear?"

She's quiet for a moment.

"*weak* Can you make sure my brother is okay? I need to speak with Sans...alone...please?"

"If you think I'll leave you alone with him..."

"*weak* Would you speak of hard to talk about stuff if others were around?"

"Well, no, but..."

"*weak* Then please..."

Grillby is visibly against this. Her persistent grip on the skeleton's sleeve wasn't helping either.

"*weak* Ten minutes. That's all I ask."

Grillby sneers and she stares hard at him. The intensely awkward standoff ends with him heading towards the exit.

"I'll be right outside this door."

"*weak* I know you will."

Grillby parts from them and she lets Sans go.

"well, that was uncomfortable."

"*weak* Yeah...So you wanna fuck?"

Before a reaction beyond blushing comes to Sans, the door flings open and slams into the wall, yet she laughs.

"*weak giggles* Wow...I knew you were hot under the collar, but I didn't think you'd be that ready to blow up."

He points threatening.

"Do not test me! I am not in the mood!"

"*weak* Heh...Love you too, sweetie."

The utterance of the L-word has the fuming fire-man burning up for different reasons. His hue shifts and he slowly backs away in a state of shock, shutting the door behind him.

"*weak* Adorable."

"you said the l word."

She looks at him funny.

"monsters don't use that word. not unless it's truly meant."

"*weak* What? Love? But monsters say it all the time for Level of Violence."

"that's different."

"*weak* Please, let's not waste time splitting hairs. We'll be at it for hours."

"fine. but don't mess with him like that."

"*weak* I wasn't trying to...*sigh* Fine."

He rubs the back of his skull.

"so...where to start...?"

"*weak* How about the easy one?"

He chuckles nervously for a moment.

"easy you say...heh...alright. i...i'm sorry. ya know i didn't mean to do all this crap."

She nods.

"*weak* Dude, I know. You've told me a lot that you're not into being hugged. And I knew you would probably wig out. But I needed you to stay and hear what I had to say. I wanted you to know that Pap isn't Pap without you. He misses his bro. A hard thing to imagine, yet true."

He shifts his gaze to the floor.

"i...i don't know if i can face him."

"*weak* Probably no point in asking...But what happened?"

He sighs heavily and rubs his face a few times.

"i wasn't in the best mood when it went down. some messed up stuff was going through my head. then pap comes over and starts his dumb shit. it got to me...and i snapped. he made that always good for a laugh remark that if i wasn't his brother he would've dusted my ass ages go and ya know what i said...can ya guess? i said do it. if i was that much of a fucking burden and if he hated me that much, then to just go ahead and kill me. that way i wouldn't have to deal with his shit anymore."

Her face is full of concern and for good reason. He's smiling. He's smiling and yet tears are trickling.

"ain't that fucked up? he's all i got and i told him to kill me so i wouldn't be with him anymore. how? how can he miss me after that?"

For once, she didn't have an answer to follow up with. So letting his emotions take hold, he keeps going.

"i mean...what am i to do? how can go to him and explain to him that it was a mistake? how can i take it back something like that?"

"*weak* You can't."

"then what do i do?"

She looks up at the ceiling.

"*weak* There isn't one simple fix for things like this. The answer mostly comes from the one you're trying to apologize to. Knowing them and how they are, you can get a scope on how to make amends. And if anyone knows Papyrus...It's you. So, what can you think of that will surprise him and make him feel better?"

That made him pause. She drinks while the room remains silent for a time.

"*weak* If I can make a small suggestion...Don't spend money. Making something yourself means so much more than store-bought."

"yeah, like that narrows it down."

"*weak* Whoa. You monsters really aren't used to the whole 'nice' thing. Well...most of you."

"like i've been telling ya...being nice or kind isn't normal down here."

"*weak* Publicly at least. Behind closed doors...?"

"depends on the monster. you've seen me and pap at home. we aren't nice there either."

"*weak* Hard to say really. I was there, yes. But seeing you guys as you truly are as if I wasn't? No clue."

"heh. hate to break it to ya, but it's basically the same."

"*weak* Then...There are good times when I'm not around."

Now he was the confused one.

"what?"

She shifts and makes herself sit up straight, her strength coming back.

"*weak* I remember a lot of beatings, that's true. But there were times when things were nice. Like when we'd sit down to watch TV and eat. We'd make a few dumb jokes and talk like...like good friends. I..."

She cuts herself off, getting his attention. A soft smile is on her face but her eyes look a little sad.

"kid?"

She fiddles with her hands.

"*weak* I'd be a terrible liar if I said I didn't miss that. Sure, Toriel acts the mom role and it feels good to play the daughter. But being around you guys...You don't play a part. You don't fake anything around me. And those moments, when we're not at each other's throats...It felt real. You know? Like, the rest of the world didn't matter and time was meaningless because it just felt so good. And..."

This time it was his hand on her's that made things stop. Before she can speak as to why the answer comes in the form of liquid landing on her arm. The realization of her own crying gets her to chuckle.

"*weak* Heh heh...I can't even remember the last time I wasn't crying. No wonder you hate me so much. Not only am I a human that can RESET and that troubles your life so much. But I'm a pathetic broken crybaby too. *sniffle*"

She doesn't wipe her tears away. She lets herself soak in her sadness. This sight...This sight he's seen so many times before. It mirrored himself. Each time a good ending happened only to wake up back in the Underground. Each time a bad ending happened and he died only to wake up alive again. Each time he failed to keep his brother safe and was allowed to live. Each time a piece of himself was taken away and it left him more hallow than the last. Now he could see it himself. And it wasn't something he liked.

"you're not pathetic..."

She looks at him.

"a crybaby? meh. who isn't when feeling so down? but pathetic? nah. that ain't you."

"*weak* Don't lie to make me feel better."

"i ain't lying. no one in this bitch ass hellhole has the balls to do what you do. you fall down here and find monsters. so what do ya do? you try to be friends. you refuse to fight. you refuse to gain power in pain. and you're brave enough to be yourself when my dumbass tells you to stop. you're more badass than you realize."

She gives him a small but indifferent smile.

"*weak* The attempt is nice. Thanks."

Something about her tone got to him. That falseness. It's a slippery slope and he could see her falling deeper into her darkness. That's when he did something they both didn't expect. He swallowed his pride and embraced her, making her flinch in puzzlement.

"*weak* S-Sans?"

"i don't hate you. sometimes i say things i don't mean. but that's 'cause i hate myself. don't be like me. take care of yourself, kid. 'cause someone really cares about you. don't do anything to lose that."

He hides his face in her neck and could feel her form tremble. The sniffling came back louder as the tears were being fought.

"*weak sob* Can...C-Can I...?"

He nods against her and she hesitantly puts her arms around him.

"*weak* T-Thank you."

He wasn't exactly sure what the reason for the thanks was. But if it helped her than he'd go along with it. It's not like this bugged him. Her hugs, while unwanted most times, always felt warm and caring. Something this world they live in severely lacked.

"no problem...friend."

Her arms tightened a little bit for a comforting squeeze and an old fuzzy memory of his mother began to come to his mind. However, the opening of the door took that away and Grillby's throat clearing made the pair let go. The appearance of a seemingly sentimental intimate moment didn't sit well with Grillby. His limit was reached.

"I think I've been rather generous with the time. Even gave you a bit extra. But now she should really get some rest."

Not wanting to press his luck any further, Sans takes this as his cue to skedaddle.

"thanks for listening to me, kid."

"*weak* Thank you for making me feel better."

"it's the least i can do. we boneheads gotta make sure we don't crack. right?"

"*weak* Heh...right. See you later, numskull. And think about what I said."

He nods, standing up and moving slowly towards Grillby.

"i'm gonna go, but i have something to say to you."

Grillby leers but listens.

"nothing i say can let you know just how much of a fuck-tard i feel like. and there's nothing i can do to even begin to repay you for everything you've ever done for me. but know this...i'm gonna try."

Grillby's expression lessens but doesn't change much. That being said, Sans teleports out and leaves the pair alone. His new mission now was to think of a way he was going to handle Papyrus.

[Meanwhile: Grillby's house]

I smile at Grillby as he sighs to himself.

"Don't say it. I already know."

"*weak* You don't have to act like you're mad at him. You know as well as I that he didn't mean to do this."

He comes over to me.

"As much as I find your kindness charming, you need to give it a limit. Sometimes you need to be assertive and not dismissive of things."

"*weak* This wasn't one of those times and you know it."

"I didn't say it was. I just want you to keep that in mind."

Something Sans said comes back to me.

"*weak* Grillz..."

"Hmmm?"

"*weak* Did I...Did I go too far saying the 'love' word earlier?"

He blushes and looks away. This makes me feel bad.

"*weak* I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"I know what you meant. I just...wasn't expecting it is all."

I pout and open my arms to him.

"*weak* Hugs?"

He gives me a small warm smile and crawls onto the bed with me, moving to lay in my embrace.

"Like you even need to ask."

Warm. He's so very warm. It's nice. Gentle and soothing. So nice. I nuzzle into his flaming hair.

"Awww...Are you in a sweet mood?"

"*weak* For you? Always."

He shifts up against me, kissing his way up to my ear where he nibbles the lobe.

"I know you need to heal, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm tempted to have a little fun with you."

I smirk and nestle in against him.

"*weak* You have fun if you want. I'm just going to cuddle you, you snuggly heating pad. Just don't..."

"No worries. I won't cross any lines."

"*weak* I was gonna say don't let me sleep very long as Toriel expects me home by 9 pm."

"Oh."

"*weak giggles* Naughty flamer."

He takes his glasses off and puts them by my water.

"*weak* What are you doing?"

"Shhhhh...Rest now, dear. Everything is okay."

I look at him funny before his bite makes me moan.

"*weak* G-Grillby?"

He grins into my neck and starts sucking on the skin. This has me fidgeting and moaning more which only pleases him more.

"*weak* Grillby, please...I don't think I can get away with another hickey."

His fire crackles a groan, his hands grip my body, and his actions get more heated.

"*growl* Mine..."

Okay, that's new.

"*weak* Grillby?"

"*deep growl* Mine."

His tone doesn't sound so good.

"*weak* Are you okay?"

"*harsh growl* Mine!"

His sudden possessiveness makes me tremble. And soon what once started out as something playful turns into something I don't know how to handle.

"*weak* Grillby stop."

"*burning* Mine. You are mine. They know it. He knows it. You know it. So why? Why do you get so close to him and not me?!"

"*weak* That's not true."

"Don't lie to me!"

His heat flares. The smell of singed hair tickles my nose. He pulls back from me to glare at me with hate, confusion, and...pain?

"Why do you help him? Why do you let him get away with hurting you? Why do you let him touch you? Why would you allow all that if you didn't like him? Please...Tell me."

At this point, he's scaring me. This is a side I've never seen before. This must be him when threatened or jealous or...wait. Is he actually jealous?

"*weak* Are you...Are you worried I'm going to leave you?"

The anger in his eyes falters and I sigh.

"*weak* Sweetie, how did such a thought come to you? Sure, Sans is a dear friend and I let him get away with things because he needs someone to be patient with his problems. But that doesn't mean I like him more than you."

His intensity turns down.

"It doesn't?"

"*weak* No, silly."

I hold his face in my hands.

"*weak* If I liked him, then why am I with you?"

He sighs.

"Because you don't like him that way. And I'm being a dumbass."

"*weak* Why would I give you my first kiss if I liked Sans?"

He smiles a little.

"Because you care for me more."

"*weak* And if I liked Sans more than you, why would I..."

Die to turn back time and bring you back to me.

"*weak* Why would I share my soul with you?"

His eyes widen in a state of absolute dumbfoundedness.

"...What did you say?"

I can't fight the blush coming to me or the goofy smirk.

"*weak* You heard me. I know you don't have ears, but that's never stopped you from doing so before. Come to think of it, how do your glasses stay in place when you wear them? For that matter, you don't even have a nose. I have so many questions..."

He doesn't bother to answer anything. Instead, he smothers me in a smoldering hot kiss that burns my lips. When he finishes, he presses his forehead to mine in nuzzling affection and I snicker at his return to the guy I care for.

"Lynsie, dear, you make my soul burn."

I'm starting to think that's his way of saying 'I love you' without actually saying it. Such a dork.

"*weak* Love you too, Grillby."

He smiles and returns to holding me. We stay like this for a while. All snuggled in each other's arms. His warmth slowly undoing all the activity in my brain that's been keeping me awake. And in no time at all, I'm fast asleep.

He waited till her breathing became steady before moving off of her. She looked so peaceful like this. He was surprised he didn't blow it when he overheated like an idiot. Lucky for him she was not like the women down here. They wouldn't put up with something like that. Honestly, his behavior made him sick. Him, jealous of Sans. The idea was laughable. She cares for Grillby. She gave him her all. So why did he still feel weird? Why did he still feel uneasy about the San's closeness to her? He needed a drink.

[Sometime later in Snowdin Town]

Papyrus dragged his feet while heading home. The pride in his stride not there. Why get to an empty house with any sort of exertion? Just to sit in the dark with a hot meal that will grow cold from a lack of wanting to even bother. In all honesty, he hadn't eaten in a few days. His system pained with a need for nourishment but he just couldn't bring himself to feed. He hadn't even cooked anything. And the closer the house got, the more he dreaded opening the front door to a dead home. Though something caught his attention along the way. Grillby's bar was closed. An unusual sight knowing that it didn't close till much later at night. Did something happen? Was Sans involved? The blackout building did little to provide any clues and forced him to keep heading home. Yet again, something got his attention. Only this time it was the opposite of the last thing. There was light...coming from his home.

Two possibilities came to him as the cause of this light. One, some soon to be dead fucker made the mistake of breaking in. Or two, his brother was there. Hoping for the latter but still unsure of danger, Papyrus approached with caution. Taking note of anything as he came closer. Footprints? There were none. Broken glass? There was none. Tampering with the door? It was untouched. Carefully and quietly, he unlocked the door before slowly opening it to a surprise. A warm familiar scent made his mouth water and some low snores coming from the couch. Shutting the door with a soft touch not expected from him, he found him smaller older brother passed out with a paper in one hand a pen that seemed to escape the other.

While relieved to see him once more, Papyrus still felt the sting that came from his last interaction with Sans. Forgiveness would not come so easily. Still...The attempt is a good start. He reheated some food to be ready for his return and wrote something before falling asleep like the log that he is. Strange. He's never known Sans to write anything that wasn't something profoundly stupid. Probably nothing more than a list of jokes that will be used to piss him off later. Best be rid of such a thing before the other woke. So Papyrus grabbed the paper and gave it a look, to see just how bad the puns truly were. Yet...that's not what he found. Instead, it is a letter.

"pap, you know i ain't one to say shit like this out loud so i hope you can accept this because i honestly mean it. every single thing i've done has made me who i am today. i've done things, fucked up things. i've seen things and gone through hell. burning bridges in my wake all for one goal. the only thing i would take back is hurting the one reason my life has meaning. hurting you. you're my brother pap. the closet family i got. no matter how messed up i am, i have no right to take my crap out on you. i know i'm always the best bro. i piss you off and make you look bad. but damn it, i try. not for the others. because fuck them! i don't need to apologize to them. i don't need to impress them or give a shit about they think. my life doesn't have anything to do with the rest of the world. i do it all for you, papyrus. so knowing that i've disappointed you...well...i'm disappointed in myself for making you put up with a schmuck like me. if i could go back in time, i'd do it all over the right way. maybe then i could be a brother you're proud of. a brother worthy of the great papyrus."

Many things have struck Papyrus. But none wounded him more than these words. Emotions began to swell in his chest. It compelled him to react before his mind came up with any thought. Without warning, he grabs his slumbering brother into his arms. Naturally, this spooks the sleeping skeleton to the point he nearly punches his brother until recognition kicks in. That's when the panic of attack turns to the panic of a different kind.

"uh...h-hey bro."

Papyrus didn't respond. This is worrisome.

"you okay?"

"DID YOU MEAN IT?"

Papyrus pulls away and points to the message.

"DID YOU REALLY MEAN EVERYTHING ON THIS?"

Sans rubs the back of his skull nervously.

"yeah."

Anger comes to Papyrus and Sans braces for the worst, punishment for being weak.

"YOU IDIOT! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK..."

At this point, something in Sans's head blocks out Papyrus's shouting. A building feeling has his hearing ringing and something inside comes to a boiling point that can't take this shit any longer. He snaps.

"papyrus...will you stop being a prick for five minutes?"

"WHA...?"

"shut your yap and listen for once!"

Papyrus glares with his right socket slightly twitching.

"you have no idea what i do or what i've done and gone through for you. and i'm not talking about the human either. i got a list a mile long. day after day, i work my bony ass off and the only thing i want out of it...the only fucking thing...is an acknowledgment of approval. and not just from any schmo. no. i would expect it from the guy that i helped raise. the guy that looks down on me even though i'm older. but no! that's not what i get. i get looked on like trash. not good enough, you say! work harder, you say! hit harder, you say! make harder puzzles, you say! nothing i do is ever good enough for you, the great and terrible papyrus! mister fucking perfect right here and can do no wrong!"

Now Sans is standing lividly. Papyrus opens his mouth but doesn't get to say a word as Sans continues.

"oh, but you're always there. waiting right there when i've had enough to tear me down even further. why do i even try anymore?! i'll never be good enough for you! then again, why would you want me to be better? you look better by comparison if i'm a fuck up. yet you know the more fucked up part...i still have this sickly twisted hope that somehow, someday, we can go back to how we used to be and finally act like real brothers!"

The fire in Sans fizzles as his sockets moisten and Papyrus holds his arm sheepishly.

"but...i guess that's just a dumb dream. right? because if it was possible, it would've happened. i've tried everything already. so many times...so many resets...just trying to find the right answer...to make you proud of me."

Papyrus seems to remember how to talk.

"I AM PROUD OF YOU, SANS. I...I'M ONLY HARD ON YOU BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO MAKE YOU THE BEST THAT YOU CAN BE. I KNOW YOU CAN DO SO MUCH MORE. YOU HAVE AMAZING POTENTIAL FOR GREATNESS. YET WE BOTH KNOW THIS WORLD IS INSANELY TOUGH AND I DON'T WANT IT TO GET TO YOU. I...I JUST WANT TO TOUGHEN YOU UP SO THAT OTHERS WON'T MESS WITH YOU. AND NOT JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BROTHER. YOUR POWER IN FIGHTING..."

"is that what you think? ya wanna talk about power...i can dust you, undyne, the king, and every other asshole in the underground with the same amount of energy it takes to snap my finger. you have no clue, no one does, just how powerful i am. i hold all this in because i don't want to be a fucking psychopath like everyone else in this hellhole! and you what all that does to me? i'm losing my god damn mind! with each passing day, i feel less and less like a real person anymore."

Sans begins trembling.

"i...i'm scared, pap. not of dying. that's happened so many times i'm numb to it by now. i'm scared that one day...i'll fucking snap. i'll have had enough and just start offing people. and the sad thing is, the one person i want to understand my pain is the one that's hurting me. even more pathetic part is that the human, the damn girl we all need dead and she knows it, is the shoulder i lean on to vent all this heavy shit to which she is just as messed up as i am. but maybe that's what i need. someone just as broken as me to not drive me into lashing out at everything. because that's what's gonna happen one day. i'm gonna wake up and just not care anymore. slaughtering all in my sight. even you. then i have to live with that. damn it, pap, you're my brother! my only brother! my only family! but you're hurting me and i don't want to hurt you back!"

"I...SANS, I..."

Papyrus reaches out for Sans. But Sans smacks his hand. Yet Papyrus grabs the smacking hand and Sans's left eye sparks in surprise due to all the emotional stress.

"I DIDN'T KNOW...I THOUGHT...I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP...PREPARING YOU SO THAT YOU WOULDN'T GET HURT..."

Papyrus pulls Sans close and puts his free arm around his back.

"BUT I WAS WRONG. I'M SORRY, BROTHER."

Sans, overwhelmed, clings desperately to his brother and rattles his bones trying not to weep. This wasn't the lashing Sans was expecting when he returned home. But this was a fairly better outcome. They stay like this for some time. Papyrus lightly patting Sans's back in comfort and Sans slowly recovering from unloading so much at one time.

"YOU OKAY?"

"...i guess."

"ANYTHING I CAN DO TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?"

"...actually...while i appreciate what you're doing, it just feels awkward."

"AGREED. I THINK SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY, WE FORGOT HOW TO DO THIS."

"so...baby steps then?"

"HOW SO?"

"we ease off each other but still, ya know...act normal."

"...VERY WELL."

Papyrus clears his throat and seamlessly reverts to being a douchebag.

"DON'T EVER THINK THESE STUPID THOUGHTS AGAIN. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"

Sans knew this was what he wanted but his brain still had one dumb question left.

"but...don't i piss you off?"

It takes a moment for Papyrus to register his brother's question.

"OF COURSE YOU PISS ME OFF. EVERYTHING PISSES ME OFF. BUT THAT'S JUST HOW FAMILY IS. PISSING EACH OTHER OFF. BUT LESS THAN OTHER PEOPLE."

"what about all those times where you tell me if i wasn't your bro that you'd have killed me by now?"

"BECAUSE IF YOU WERE JUST SOME ASSHOLE THEN I WOULDN'T GIVE A SHIT! BUT YOU'RE MY BROTHER AND I DO."

"do...what?"

This flustered the terrible Papyrus. A rare and unexpected reaction. Though it made Sans more curious.

"pap?"

"YOU."

"huh?"

"I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU, SANS! THERE! I SAID IT. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"

An almost wounded look comes to Sans from the amount of confused he is.

"YOU'RE A LAZY COWARDLY UNFUNNY BAG OF SOCKS, BUT DAMN IT ALL, YOU'RE MY BROTHER. YOU'RE ALL I HAVE AND I CARE ABOUT YOU."

Sans's eyes cast their gaze to the floor in shame.

"DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU DID? HOW MUCH YOU HURT ME? LOOK AT ME, DAMN IT!"

The slight crack in Papyrus's demand made Sans look up. His sockets widening to the sight of his brother, the great and terrible Papyrus, softly tearing up. Guess this was Papyrus's turn to vent.

"p-papyrus..."

"DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL THAT WAS? FOR YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, TO TELL ME TO KILL YOU? MY OWN BROTHER. WHY NOT STAB A KNIFE IN MY CHEST? THE EFFECT WOULD'VE BEEN JUST AS EFFECTIVE."

"pap...i..."

His tears were falling freely at this point.

"AND THEN YOU WOULDN'T COME HOME. INSTEAD, YOU HID AWAY LIKE A FOOL. DID YOU NOT SEE ME AT ALL? DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I JUST WANTED TO DRAG YOUR SORRY ASS OUT OF THERE?"

"w-why didn't you?"

"BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO DO IT ON YOUR OWN! I WANTED YOU TO FACE ME LIKE A MAN AND OWN UP TO YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD TAKE YOU SO LONG TO DO SO."

Now it was Sans's turn to shock his brother. Increasing his hug tally for the day greater as he clings to his sibling.

"i'm so sorry, pap. i...i was a huge bastard. can you ever forgive me?"

Papyrus slowly returns the hold.

"I FORGIVE YOU, SANS...CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?"

"of course, pap."

"OKAY THEN."

Papyrus then shoves Sans back onto the couch.

"IF YOU EVER DO SOMETHING SO MORONIC AGAIN, I'LL HURT YOU BACK TILL YOUR BONES ARE BLACK AND BLUE."

His tough words had less bite due to him wiping the tears away. Yet Sans took this as a good sign. Big bad bro was back to his normal self. Which meant things were good. At least he hoped as much. Papyrus made his way into the kitchen as Sans relaxed. Removing his jacket and shoes, feeling at home again.

"SANS! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

A sigh leaves him, a strange sense of familiarity in this that just feels right warms his bones as he gets up and strolls over to his confused brother who is eyeing a funny looking glass baking dish.

"yes?"

"WHAT AM I LOOKING AT?"

"oh, that?"

Sans smirks embarrassed.

"i wanted to treat ya to something as a surprise by cooking. and i know i've watched ya cook for so long, but i'll be damned if said i knew what the hell i was doing when it came to making lasagna. so...i made spaghetti."

Papyrus cocked his brow.

"IN THE OVEN?"

"i made it on the stove like normal. i'm not that slow. but i didn't know when you'd get here. so to keep it warm, i baked it on low."

Inquisitively, Papyrus gets a fork and strings himself a sample.

"HMMM..."

"i tried to make it like you used to. probably won't be as good as when you cook."

"DON'T FALL ON YOUR SWORD YET."

"sorry."

"SO FAR...IT LOOKS DECENT. NO NOODLE STIFFNESS AND THE SAUCE IS THICK BUT NOT TOO THICK."

Papyrus takes a deep whiff.

"NO SPICES USED?"

"i didn't want to screw it up by adding too much. 'cause once it's in there ya can't exactly take it back out."

A grunt of understanding was his reply before biting into the amount on his fork. Papyrus mulls the food for a bit and follows it with a long slow swallow.

"well? is it bad?"

There's a long pause.

"COMPARED TO MINE? THIS DOESN'T HOLD A CANDLE."

Sans's heart sinks.

"BUT..."

Oh?

"COMPARED TO EXAMPLES YOU HAVE MADE BEFORE? THIS...THIS IS DELICIOUS."

A strange warmth comes to Sans.

"r-really?"

Papyrus doesn't say a word. He merely makes himself a very large plate and doesn't wait to reach his seat in the living room to begin eating. Following his brother's lead, Sans too gets a plate full of food and joins him on the couch. The pasta brings a sense of nostalgia. Like a past moment softly being revisited again in each bite. Who knew something as basic as spaghetti could bring out such strong feelings?

"SO..."

Papyrus breaks the eating silence.

"I TAKE IT YOU SPOKE WITH THE HUMAN BEFORE COMING HERE."

Not so much a question than a statement. One that Sans rolls his shoulders at.

"yeah. kid said she saw ya earlier."

Papyrus pauses for a slight second before continuing to eat.

"she said that you missed me."

"THAT WOMAN TALKS TOO MUCH."

"but you did...right?"

"YOU KNOW I DID. WHY BOTHER ASKING ME WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW?"

"no reason. i just like hearing you say it."

Papyrus scoffs.

"I SEE YOU'RE STILL AN ASS."

Sans merely snickers.

"SHE GETS TO YOU LIKE NO ONE ELSE, DOESN'T SHE?"

This ends Sans snickering.

"huh?"

Papyrus stops eating.

"THE HUMAN. SHE TOLD ME SHE WOULD SPEAK WITH YOU AND HERE YOU ARE. BACK HOME AFTER DAYS OF HIDING. EITHER SHE SAYS WHAT IS NEEDED TO BE SAID OR SHE HAS SOME WAY OF SWAYING YOU."

Sans ignored the latter implication.

"she just...she's a good kid is all."

Papyrus cocks a socket his brother's way.

"RIGHT...AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TWO OF YOU BEING 'SECRET BUDDIES'."

He knew that was coming to bite him in the ass someday.

"it's not what you think."

"THEN WHAT IS IT? BECAUSE IT JUST SEEMS LIKE THE BOTH OF YOU ARE UNUSUALLY CLOSE. *GASP* DON'T TELL ME THAT SO-CALLED 'FRIEND' OF YOURS THAT LIKES SOMEONE THEY SHOULDN'T IS ACTUALLY YOU AND THE HUMAN!"

Sans nearly chokes on a forkful of noddles. His skull as red as the sauce and sockets painfully wide in shock.

"the fuck?! no! fuck no! i just said it's not what you think it is!"

"THEN BY ALL MEANS, DO ELABORATE."

"she's just..."

"YES?"

"she's just...a nice kid. that's all."

"OH? AND THE OTHER HUMANS WEREN'T NICE ENOUGH FOR YOUR LIKING? IS THAT WHY YOU DEALT WITH THEM SO QUICKLY?"

"why are ya busting my hump on this? i thought we agreed to go easy on each other."

"I AM GOING EASY ON YOU. I'M NOT MAKING YOU TELL ME ANYTHING. OTHERWISE, I'D BE ASKING A HELL OF A LOT MORE."

"then i ain't saying shit."

"WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DEFENSIVE?"

"because i fucked up!"

There is a tense pause.

"all she wanted to do was help me like she always does. and my dumb ass nearly kills her."

Papyrus is intrigued to say the least.

"*SIGH* WHAT HAPPENED?"

Sans gulps down an obscenely large forkful of pasta to join the lump in his throat.

"she nearly bled out after i bit her."

Papyrus rubs the space between his eyes.

"WHY DID YOU BITE HER?"

"in my defense...i was annoyed, i told her to stop hugging me, and i didn't mean to sink my teeth in that deep."

That only made Papyrus more confused.

"SHE WAS HUGGING YOU?"

"*sigh* i was gonna leave before hearing her out and she grabbed me so i couldn't."

"THAT...MAKES SENSE I GUESS. DID YOU...?"

"i already apologized. if you can imagine..."

"SHE FORGAVE YOU WITH NO EFFORT."

"yep."

"SHE TRULY IS AN ODD ONE."

"true that."

A few slurps are made.

"...not like it's a bad thing."

Papyrus shrugs.

"I SUPPOSE...SOMETIMES...WHEN SHE'S NOT BEING A CUNT."

Sans chuckles and they continue to eat. This tranquil normalcy, it made Sans think about what the human said. How these small moments make things feel better even when the world is a ruined hell.

"*weak* Then...There are good times when I'm not around. I remember a lot of beatings, that's true. But there were times when things were nice. Like when we'd sit down to watch TV and eat. We'd make a few dumb jokes and talk like...like good friends. I'd be a terrible liar if I said I didn't miss that. And those moments, when we're not at each other's throats...It felt real. You know? Like, the rest of the world didn't matter and time was meaningless because it just felt so good."

Yeah. These little moments were the windows into a peace that needed to be peered in more often. This was something that they could get used to.

[Hours pass by]

"...wake up."

The voice is soft and wispy.

"...you hear me?"

Warmth nudges my shoulder.

"...cat?"

Cat? Oh...heh...Pussycat. It must be time to go. Thanks, Grillby.

"...fooling around. You don't want to keep..."

The yawn I let out muffles the rest of his speech as my eyes take their time to open and adjust.

"*groggy* Sorry, Grillz...Your bed is so comfy."

Grillby playfully ruffles my hair.

"Silly, pussycat. How are you feeling?"

I rub my eyes and sit up. Noticing he's in some more casual attire. Part of me is disappointed he's not still shirtless. Mmmmmm...topless Grillby.

"Naps are amazing. I feel much better."

"Good. It's getting to be that time you told me to wake you."

"Has Flowey woke up too?"

He shakes his head.

"Your brother is even more of a lightweight than you."

"He is a flower. It's not like he has a system made for dealing with booze."

He helps me out of his bed and motions to the end of the bed where the clothes I came here in now lay.

"We can't have your mother seeing you come home like this."

"Yet the second hickey was a good idea?"

His flames flicker a moment in nervous embarrassment.

"Yeah...Not my brightest move."

"No worries. I forgive you, hot stuff."

"You do?"

"Sure. You were a little upset and got a bit carried away. I'm not gonna hold it against you..."

I surprise him with a hug.

"Not when I can hold you against me."

He smirks and snakes his arms around me.

"My, someone's being affectionate. Not sure if it's because of the blood loss, meds, or you actually find me genuinely worth it."

I nuzzle his shoulder.

"Kindness given gains kindness in return. You've been good to me, Grillby. Why wouldn't I be affectionate to a warm soul such as yourself?"

"*sigh* What did I ever do to deserve you?"

I have no words to answer him with. I simply lean into him with a soft kiss. He, on the other hand, decides to reciprocate by sending warmth throughout my system with an overly hot kiss and a grip that's strong but not like the possessive one from before. He breaks the kiss, leaving me stolen of breath.

"You know...There's still some free time before you need to get back home."

A sly smirk plays on his charming face.

"What say we have a little fun till time's up~?"

His hands knead a trail to my hips where they rub tender circles. The naughty flamer sees a rare opportunity and is willing to take it. However, I know how Toriel is and how she'd react if I'm late. Still, it's not like I don't see an opportunity myself. I wrap my arms around his neck and give him a sultry look.

"Fun huh? What kind of fun do you have in mind, hot stuff~?"

"Hmmm...I was thinking..."

He leans into my ear and nibbles the lob a bit.

"Maybe I can cross off a few more of those things you've never experienced..."

Knowing how sensitive my nape is, he moves his nibbling to there and I bite my lip to keep it together.

"Perhaps we kick this heat up a notch and make things a bit spicier...How do you feel about that?"

Even like this Grillby is patient soul. Though part of me is curious to test his limits and mine.

"I guess we could try. There is something I've never done that's pretty simple."

His eyes widen a bit.

"R-Really?"

"Yeah, and since I'm in the Underground, it's kinda a bit more thrilling."

I feel his fire intense.

"You...You're not just teasing me are you, pussycat?"

I shake my head.

"No tease."

A slight highlight in color touches his face to match the goofy excited look coming to him.

"A-And...um...W-What is it you'd like to try?"

"Well...promise not to laugh?"

"Dear, I'd never..."

"I want to hold hands as I walk home with you."

His mouth remains open as I stole his ability to speak. I see the gears of "what the fuck" turn behind his eyes so I try to explain in a not stupid way.

"I know, it's not what you wanted to hear. But...I dunno...You make me feel special. And as childish as it sounds, I've always just wanted to hold the hand of someone that cared for me. Plus, you escorting me home will give you major good guy points with mom."

I try to sell this with an embarrassed smile.

"But you don't have to if you don't want to. I understand that..."

He shuts me up with his laughter. This doesn't make me feel good for sharing and after a moment or two, he sees my dower expression then quickly attempts to fix this.

"No no, pussycat, I didn't mean...*sigh* I laughed because you're innocence never stops to amaze me. After our game earlier, this caught me off guard."

I rub my arm shyly.

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I adore this about you. It's precious."

I fight weakly to stop the blush coming to me.

"Thanks."

He cups my chin and kisses my forehead.

"God, you're cute. Go get dressed. I'll be waiting with your brother."

My eyes light up.

"Wait...Does that mean...?"

He merely nods and my heart flutters with giddy delight. I collect my clothes and head for the bathroom to change. Ah to be back in my real clothing. Not to knock on the outfit Grillby got me because it fits like a glove and wasn't as messed up as it could've been, but nothing beats something you're used to wearing. The bandage on my shoulder slightly shows under the shirt collar, so I have to tear part of it though now it feels weird. I guess I'm dealing with it now. I leave the other garments in the bathroom and go to find Grillby, whose humming I follow out into the bar. He's donned his thick coat and coolly has my backpack over his shoulder, a casual smirk gracing him.

"Ready to go, pussycat?"

"Are you sure you wanna do this? I won't make you go into the cold."

A small chuckle leaves him.

"It's fine. Besides...If it starts to bother me I'll just have to hold you close."

"Cheeky boy."

He holds out his free hand.

"Milady, shall I walk you home?"

I smile and slide my hand into his.

"I would be honored, kind sir."

I open the door and he fakes a swoon.

"A lady opening the door for a man? You're definitely a keeper."

"Heh. Lovable dork."

And like that, we begin our stroll to the Ruins. Whether he knows it or not, I'm very grateful Grillby decided to walk with me. I know not how much more the Underground mimics the surface, but I'd rather not risk walking home alone at a late hour when a target is already marked on me labeled "free EXP, please kill me". The air is still and no snowfall. There is a faint feeling of hidden onlookers yet nothing makes a move.

"You know...I've never been out this far."

Grillby breaks the silence.

"Really? So you've never seen the guard posts?"

"Nope. Are they odd?"

"Most look vaguely like doghouses that you'd be sold lemonade at. But there are two exceptions."

"...The brothers?"

"Bingo."

"Care to give me any hints?"

"And spoil the surprise? I think not."

"Oh, now you're building up my curiosity."

"Trust me. You shall not be disappointed."

Indeed he is not. The dog guard posts are the same basic wooden house design and have a mean dog head decorating the top. But when I show him Papyrus's post...The look on his face is priceless at the sight of the dark metal and even has Gothic-styled torches that make it look very spooky.

"This...This is Papyrus's station?"

"I know right? So cool."

"Is that...a plaque?"

"Go on. Read it."

[YOU OBSERVE THE WELL-CRAFTED SENTRY STATION. WHO COULD HAVE BUILT THIS, YOU PONDER...I BET IT WAS THAT VERY FAMOUS ROYAL GUARDSMAN! TREMBLE WITH TERROR BEFORE IT'S GREATNESS!]

He's holding in so much laughter even though some of it is slipping out.

"Oh my god..."

"Best let it out now. You won't be laughing when you see Sans's."

The confusion gets to him a moment before taking another look at the structure and laughing. Seeing him like this is a relief. I don't like seeing him grumpy or jealous.

"*chuckling* Oh man...I needed that."

"The ego of the great and terrible Papyrus is always worth a giggle or two."

"And Sans's post isn't?"

"You'll see."

Our journey continues. Along the short way between Papyrus and Sans's stations, we encounter the Snowman who seemed to be taking a leisurely stroll of its own in the relative safety of the evening hours. See us, it waves "hi" as if nothing out of the norm is happening. I wave back at and resist any temptation to bust out a "Frosty the Snowman" tune but Grillby is baffled that the snowman is alive. I teasingly remind him that he's literally living fire and he becomes slightly bashful. So damn cute. We come upon Sans's station and, as I figured, Grillby's reaction is not of amusement...more like pity. Sans's post is made of wood like the dogs' stations are but it's open from so many places and lacks real fortification. There is no back to it or true sides, it's mostly a hollowed-out dresser with a beam on each corner connecting to the roof yet only just enough so that all the weight in front doesn't have it tipping backward.

"This is a joke, right?"

"If you ever wondered why he hated his job, this is a good starting point."

"It's got nothing. How do they expect the first line of defense to be ready if they're not even properly protected, and from the freaking snow no less?"

Is this really the same man? Earlier he was ready to kill Sans, now he's upset over how Sans is treated at work. And here I thought I was the emotional flip-flopper.

"It's not all bad. He's made it useful to his needs. Come here."

I guide him behind the station and here I show him Sans's stash. Mustard bottles kept chilled in the snow, car magazines, and assorted hotdog stuff.

"See? Not completely shit."

"...How do you know about this stuff?"

"When I first left the Ruins, Sans hid me from Papyrus so I wouldn't be killed on sight. Saved my butt."

He looks a little dejected.

"Sweetie?"

That snaps him out of it.

"You okay?"

"Oh...Yeah. Just got distracted by a random thought."

I pat his back.

"Want to see something else funny?"

Curiosity gets to him, so I lead him to the "gate" thing that Papyrus made and that Toriel made useless.

"What am I looking at?"

"This was once the bane of coming out here. To keep people, mainly humans, from getting to town and the rest of the Underground, Papyrus made a gate over this unbelievably deep pit. It was very effective due to the tight spacing making it very difficult and time-consuming to bother with squeezing through the bars. The option of the surrounding forest is also a hard choice due to the tress being so close together. However, the gate stood no chance against a mad goat woman with fire powers."

That has him snickering. We cross the bridge and at long last, we arrive at the door that keeps us apart.

"So...This is my place."

"Heh. Feels a little cheesy. You know? Walking a lady home."

"Good cheesy like nachos or bad cheesy like Limburger?"

He just smiles and pats my head.

"You are too cute somethings."

I giggle and there's a bang on the other side of the door, making Grillby jump. I sigh and knock on the door.

"Is that you, Nanny?"

"*muffled* Indeed, my child. Do you need help with the door?"

"Yes, please."

The door rumbles. Pushed outward and showing Toriel, who is delighted to see me and puzzled by Grillby being here.

"Oh...Hello there."

Grillby, who has been holding my hand this entire time, tightens his grip.

"Evening, Mrs. Dreemurr. I hope we are on time."

Toriel is blank for a moment, then she smiles.

"My, such a gentleman. Walking a young woman home. Perhaps good men still exist."

I so called it on her thinking this!

"Here, dear."

Grillby hands me my pack back and I kiss him quickly much to his cheeky surprise.

"Call me later, hot stuff?"

"Heh...Oh, you know it, pussycat."

We share a moment of contented gazing into each other's eyes till Toriel coughs.

"I have to go now."

"I know."

"Be careful on the way back."

He merely smiles, turns on his heel, and heads back the way to town with a cool wave.

"Come along, child."

"Yes, Nanny."

I follow her inside and upon the doors being shut, I take notice of the difference in temperature. Sure, I'm not in the cold anymore. But the warmth of home is nothing compared to Grillby's natural heat. My hand, the one that held his, feels cold and empty. I miss him. We've only just parted and I already long to be with him again.

"Child? Is everything alright?"

Toriel notices my distraction. I'm not about to tell her my feelings about him so I play normal.

"Yeah. Just some stuff on my mind."

"Anything you wish to speak about?"

I shake my head.

"Nah. It's nothing."

She pouts a bit.

"You care about him a lot, do you not?"

I say nothing.

"It is not shameful if you do. He appears to be a fine man. And he seems to have the same feelings."

"Mom, I really don't feel comfortable talking about my feelings."

"Why not? It is not as if feelings are a foreign concept to us monsters. We just do not express them so freely."

"It's just...*groan* I'm just..."

[RING-RING]

Of course, my phone goes off. Like some sort of contrived plot convenience. My heartbeat increases at the thought of it being Grillby, yet it is a very short-lived feeling. It's not his number. It's not even Blooky's. It's Mettaton. Fuck my life.

"Child?"

"No worries, mom. I'm gonna take this call and follow you. Only slower."

She nods and keeps walking. I answer the call and slowly follow.

"Long time no ring, Mettaton. What's up?"

I'm given amused robotic giggles.

"OH DARLING, IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG, HASN'T IT? SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY WE WERE MAKING PLANS TO MEET."

"After you threatened to off a guy on TV in hopes I'd stop you."

"TRUE. HAD YOU NOT BEEN WATCHING, THAT WOULD'VE BACKFIRED ON ME AND THEN I'D HAVE ONE LESS SCUMBAG ON MY PAYROLL."

"Not to sound rude, but why are you calling? Surely it's not to get all cutesy. It's late and people should be eating before becoming mindless bed zombies that must feed on dreams to survive."

He's silent for a few seconds.

"...ARE YOU OKAY WITH LETTING ME TAKE THAT FOR A BOOK IDEA?"

"Sure. Whatever. Don't avoid answering the question."

"HARSH. I WASN'T AVOIDING ANYTHING. I WAS MERELY STRIKING UP CONVERSATION. YOU KNOW? BASIC INTERACTION AND ALL THAT JAZZ."

I pause in my following of Toriel to casually smack my head into a wall, feeling dumb for my attitude.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to come off as a cunt. It's been a long day and I have no right to take it out on you."

"OH? CARE TO SHARE?"

"I'd rather not."

"WOULD IT HAPPEN TO INVOLVE THOSE SKELETONS? OR THAT FIREY MAN THAT WALKED YOU HOME?"

Toriel must be rubbing off on me because my grip on the phone tightens harshly at hearing something I don't like.

"...You really need a better pastime than to watch me."

"BUT DARLING, YOU ARE SO INTERESTING."

"Please refrain from further viewing me like you're watching some cartoon character."

"BUT DO TELL...ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH THAT BURNING MAN?"

The crunching my phone is making is loud. It's at this point I've stopped following Toriel due to anger. And the pack holding Flowey is on the floor.

"Who the flying fuck do you think you are?!"

"I'M METTATON. AND YOU ARE CLEARLY NOT IN A PLAYFUL MOOD. SO YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T HAVE SEX. OTHERWISE, YOU'D BE LESS AGITATED."

"You have no right to just blurt out a personal question like that."

"ON THE CONTRARY. I THINK I SHOULD KNOW."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW IF I SHOULD KILL HIM OR NOT."

My rage simultaneously grows and dies.

"If you do anything to him..."

"AH, POOR DARLING. YOU ARE A UNIQUE FIND DOWN HERE. BUT THAT IS ALSO YOU'RE BIGGEST WEAKNESS. YOU CARE ABOUT THE SAFETY OF OTHERS."

"Don't mistake that as a weakness. For I'll pull terrible power from knowing of someone else's pain."

"OH I'M SURE YOU CAN."

"Don't play games with me!"

"YET GAMES ARE SO MUCH FUN. SPEAKING OF WHICH...I WANT TO PLAY A GAME WITH YOU, HUMAN."

I don't like this.

"THE GAME IS A SIMPLE ONE. ALL YOU MUST DO IS FOLLOW A SERIES OF INSTRUCTIONS. ANY ATTEMPT TO NOT PLAY OR DOING SOMETHING WRONG WILL RESULT IN A PENALTY. THE MORE PENALTIES YOU HAVE, THE WORSE PUNISHMENT WILL HAPPEN FOR SOMEONE YOU KNOW. AND I'M SURE YOU DON'T NEED CONVINCING ON A SOMEONE OF MY FAME BEING ABLE TO DO SUCH THINGS."

I growl.

"I'M SURE A SMART GIRL LIKE YOU CAN FOLLOW SIMPLE DIRECTIONS AND UNDERSTAND THAT PLAYING THE GAME WILL RESULT IN NO HARM BEING DONE. WITH THAT SAID...ARE YOU READY TO PLAY?"

My growling lessens.

"Fine. But make the game short. A smart guy like you knows the furry of a pissed off Toriel."

"Lynsie...?"

Speaking of which. She calls out into the echoing hall.

"Are you okay?"

I cover the phone.

"Yeah. The phone call is running longer than I thought. I'll be up there soon."

She doesn't respond and I assume she's going back to her own business, so I continue the call.

"See what I mean?"

"VERY WELL...THE GAME BEGINS. YOUR FIRST INSTRUCTION, LEAVE THE RUINS."

I pause.

"...You're going to get me in trouble for your own amusement, aren't you?"

"PLEASE STEP OUTSIDE OR YOU WILL BE GIVEN A PENALTY."

I grumble in annoyance but walk back to the door.

"You're lucky you said please."

I shove one of the doors with some shoulder effort and get hit with that frigid cold I hate so much. I poke my head outside before creeping out.

"GOOD GIRL."

"There's a camera right outside the door, isn't it?"

"MAYBE~...EITHER WAY, YOU'VE EARNED ONE POINT. COLLECT THREE AND WIN."

"Okay, thanks for making it short."

"I DO AIM TO PLEASE. NOW THEN...YOUR SECOND TASK, TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF."

"Whoa, I am not doing that!"

"PLEASE, DON'T THINK THAT WAY. I'M A ROBOT. IT'S NOT LIKE IT DOES ANYTHING FOR ME TO SEE YOU TOPLESS."

I snicker.

"No, dingus, I meant I ain't taking my top off because it's fucking freezing. What the hell are you thinking, ghost-bot?"

I don't think I know what a flustered/embarrassed robot sounds like, but it's quite possibly the weird electronic sounds that are currently scrambling my eardrum.

"But, no. I refuse this task of yours."

He calms down.

"*AHEM* UH...LET'S SKIP THIS ONE. UM...NEW TASK, SPIN AROUND AND AROUND TILL YOU FALL DOWN."

"...Can I question why?"

"NO REASON. MOSTLY FOR SEEING HOW LONG YOU CAN."

"*sigh* Just promise not to record this."

I clutch the phone and feel dumb even before taking that first spin. My eyes keep sight to the ground so my mind won't lose itself too quickly. Though the fluid swirling around my brain is not making things feel as lucid as I know things are. I twirl, dip, nearly smack the door twice, but ultimately trip over a small stick that was hidden in the snow, and I smash into the magical frozen powder with a large poof. My eyes spin in my skull as the sound of digital laughter eventually is recognized by my senses. My strength in direction is a bit off, though I still drag my phone to my ear after first poking it into my eye.

"*dizzy* Did I do the thing?"

Fuck trying to make cognitive sentences while my brain is sloshing.

"*SNICKERING* YES, DARLING. YOU DID THE THING AND DID IT WELL. YOU HAVE TWO POINTS NOW."

"Yay!"

The most unenthusiastic yay ever.

"NOW, DARLING, YOU NEED ONLY DO ONE LAST THING TO WIN THE GAME. ARE YOU READY?"

"*dizzy* Okily dokily."

"GOOD...GOOD...ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS...DON'T LOOK BEHIND YOU."

If my mind wasn't so messed up, I wouldn't have fallen for such a dumb thing. But dumb dizzy me gets worried about if something is there because of random monster attack paranoia...So I end up turning to look back...and see douche cat holding a bat.

"Uh..."

He smirks and readies his bat.

"You should've listened to the rules."

Processing the incoming strike takes longer than I need to actually do anything. The crack against the side of my head has enough force to roll me over. I might have rolled more but I blacked out during that initial spin my neck did on impact.

[In Hotland, Laboratory]

Mettaton continues to watch the monitor, seeing Burgerpants snatch the discarded cellphone out of the snow and answer it.

"Hey, Boss."

"YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BE THAT ROUGH. SHE WAS ALREADY DISORIENTED."

"Be happy I didn't get her in the face. Can I go now?"

"YOU KNOW THE DEAL. DELIVER THE PACKAGE AND YOU WILL BE PAID HANDSOMELY."

"*groan* Fine. What do want me to do about that bartender?"

"LEAVE HIM BE. HE ISN'T OF ANY IMPORTANCE. JUST DON'T LET HIM SEE YOU. I GET THE FEELING HE WON'T LET YOU GET AWAY WITH HER."

"No kidding. That reminds me...I'm getting an extra day-off for putting my ass on the line like this."

"IF YOU CAN BRING HER BACK AND SHE ISN'T DEAD OR BLOODY, I'LL GIVE YOU TWO."

"Score!"

Burgerpants pockets the phone, sheathes the bat on his belt, picks the human up and proceeds to flee the area before the Boss Monster within is any the wiser.

"So..."

Alphys slithers towards the pleased automaton.

"You finally did it. You went and 'collected' the human."

Mettaton shrugs.

"IT WAS SHOCKINGLY EASY TOO. I ALMOST FEEL BAD ABOUT IT."

"You probably could've just asked her over and save some of the trouble."

"TRUE. BUT THEN WHERE WOULD THE MOTIVATION BE?"

Alphys tilts her head.

"MY DEAR ALPHYS...FOR ALL THE STORIES YOU WATCH AND READ, YET YOU CAN'T SEE THE PLOT I'M WEAVING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU."

"Don't patronize me, asshole."

"FINE. I'LL PUT IT AS SIMPLY AS I CAN. SURE, INVITING HER WOULD GET HER HERE BUT IT WOULDN'T MAKE HER PERFORM AS NEEDED. BUT NOW SHE HAS BEEN ATTACKED. ABDUCTED. AND WILL SOON WAKE IN AN UNKNOWN LOCATION. THE CONFUSION AND ANGER WILL DRIVE HER TO SEEK ME OUT, THE ONE THAT ORCHESTRATED THE INCIDENT. YET LITTLE DOES SHE KNOW THAT IT'S WHAT I WANT HER TO DO. I NEED HER TO PLAY THE PART OF THE WRONGED HUMAN SEEKING REVENGE. SHE WILL BE TESTED AND, OVER THE COURSE OF INTENSE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS, LEARN OF THE HARDSHIPS THAT HAVE LEAD UP TO THIS. ALONG THE WAY, WE SHALL MEET. FIRST AS ENEMIES. BUT OVER TIME, A BOND OF RESPECT WILL FORM. AND MAYBE...SOMETHING MORE. YET AT THE END, WE SHALL FIGHT, FOR IT IS THE WAY OF THINGS AND THE LAW MUST BE FOLLOWED. SHE WILL RESIST. I WILL 'UNWILLING' INSIST ON FIGHTING. OVER A LONG AND HEROING BATTLE, THE GRANDEST DISPLAY OF REMORSE WILL HAPPEN, ENDING THE FIGHT WITH EITHER A DISPLAY OF GRAND FRIENDSHIP OR A LOVE CONQUERS ALL TWIST. I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHICH THE AUDIENCE WILL ENJOY MORE SO THAT PART IS AMBIGUOUS FOR NOW. WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

Alphys just stares at Mettaton, mouth agape in utter shock.

"ALPHYS?"

She resets her composure by adjusting her glasses.

"Usually your ideas aren't so well thought out. They tend to be glamourizing drama pulls that crash due to shitty writing and poor taste. But this? ...You've surprised me."

A flash of random pixels appear on his screen from disbelief.

"REALLY?"

Alphys turns and slithers off towards her private workroom.

"I look forward to this show of yours. Hope you don't disappoint."

Mettaton, for once, was at a loss for words. Alphys never was supportive of his ideas, at least, not lately anyway. This was the kind of confidence boost he needed. He was going to put on the show of a lifetime for all the Underground to see. But there were still loose ends that needed tying up. For this was merely stage one of his brilliant plan. Stage two will be somewhat more challenging. For one, he'll need to keep Toriel from going on a homicidal rampage. And two, a means to buy off the Snowdin guards. The second part is simple enough. The dogs don't give a shit. The skeletons however...those two might become a problem if they find any clues. Yet any good actor worth their soul knows how to plan and improvise on the fly. This was the part he was grateful for having a staff of underpaid teens that were desperate for any hope of something more, they'll do anything. With the click of a button, he enacts the next phase.

"ATTENTION, ALL YOU HAPPY HELPERS OF MINE. IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SHINE. CLEAN UP BURGERPANTS'S MESS AND DO IT RIGHT. OR YOU CAN KISS THAT 5G INCREASE AND YOUR JOBS GOODBYE. THANK YOU!"

It's showtime.

[thatfanficstuff]

Battle Scars - Chapter Six

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Warnings: um...nope

Enjoy!!

***

You pulled your hand from Bruce’s and curled it back into a fist. “I’ve had that scar forever. Don’t even remember how I got it now.”

He arched his brows and gave you a look that said he didn’t believe a word you were saying. “You did not have that scar yesterday. Or even today when you handed Tony his coffee. Don’t bullshit me, Y/N. I’m more observant than most people give me credit for.” He slid off his glasses and tossed them onto a nearby table before crossing his arms over his chest. His gaze never wavered from you as he waited for you to speak.

Finally, you sighed and paced away from him. “I’m not trying to bullshit you, Bruce. I just wasn’t intending on telling anyone. Not for a while, at least.”

“So, you are Tony’s soulmate then?” He dropped his arms and took a step toward you. 

Suddenly unable to speak, you nodded.

“Okay. And you’ve known since?”

“After he was missing. He was doing a press conference and I saw him on the television. Our bruises matched.”

He raked a hand through his already messy hair and huffed out a breath. “And you haven’t told him?”

“What do you think, Bruce?”

“All right, all right.” He gestured toward one of the chairs at his small kitchen table. You sat and he took the one across from you. “Are you planning to tell him?”

You debated for a moment whether to even the continue the conversation before deciding it was too much of a relief to have someone to talk to for you to stop now. If things got back to Tony, you’d just have to deal with it then. “That was my intention when I came here. I tried to get through to him by phone and I couldn’t so I just showed up. They assumed I was here for a job interview and here we are.”

“I don’t suppose you mentioned you were his soulmate when you tried to call?” he asked.

“It’s not like anyone would have believed me if I had. Besides, that’s the kind of news you need to deliver yourself don’t you think?” You leaned back in your seat.

He ran his fingers across the surface of the table as he thought. “All of that aside, why haven’t you told him since then? You’ve had time. He’s been looking for you for a long time.”

Hearing that Tony had wanted to find you made your heart a little lighter. It also made you feel a little guilty. “He has a girlfriend, Bruce. I’m not going to be what breaks them up.”

“Who? Pepper?”

You nodded.

He grimaced. “She’s not really his girlfriend.”

You pursed your lips thinking over everything you had seen the last few weeks. “Are they dating?”

He tilted his head from side to side. “Well, I mean, technically—”

You held up a hand to cut him off. “Technically is enough of a relationship for me. I’ll tell him when the time is right. This isn’t it.”

“How do you know that it isn’t? I won’t tell him if you don’t want me to, but you should. And the sooner the better.”

“That’s enough. I’m not going to let him drop his entire life because of me. That’s not fair to him, Bruce.”

“You dropped yours to come here for him. Shouldn’t he get the same choice?”

***

It took a while before you were convinced that Bruce wouldn’t spill your secret. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to tell Tony. You would love nothing more than to be with him but you didn’t want him to pick you just because you were his soulmate. You wanted him to get to know you as a person first and a soulmate second. Things like that took time.

You were still deep in thought when you left Bruce’s room to head back to your floor.

“Everything sorted?”

The unexpected voice startled you and you found yourself staring at Tony with wide eyes. “Huh?” Well, that was eloquent, Y/N.

Tony straightened from where he’d been leaning in the doorway of the lab. You wondered briefly how long he’d been standing there. His gaze darted past you to Bruce’s door before settling back on you. “Did you get Bruce squared away?”

“Yeah,” you answered feeling moderately guilty for misleading him. “It’s all good.”

He stepped forward as his tongue darted out to moisten his lips. “What did he need anyway? You two were in there for a while.”

You lifted one brow. “We got busy talking. You know how it is.”

He hummed in what you assumed was agreement. “Well, I’ll let you get back to it.” With that he turned and went back into the lab.

You stood there for a moment trying to process the strange scene you’d just been part of until your phone rang. “Hello,” you answered without paying attention to who was calling.

“We need to talk,” came Fury’s deep voice and you instantly forgot about anything else. Why was the director of SHIELD calling you?

***

As soon as you were off the phone with the director, you spent the next two hours making calls, placing orders and issuing instructions. Once you were certain everything you needed done would be completed by morning, you called a meeting in the Avengers conference room.

As the team shuffled in, they fell quiet as they found you waiting for them. Tony and Bruce were the last two to file in. Tony scowled as his gaze fell on you. “I thought this was a team meeting. What are you doing here, hot stuff?”

You arched a brow at the nickname. “It is a team meeting, Tony. Fury thought I could handle this one.”

Steve’s brows shot up. “Would you mind repeating that?”

“Just sit down,” you instructed the science bros. “It’s not that kind of meeting.” You passed a thin folder to everyone at the table. “Fury is expanding the team.”

“Sam Wilson, the Maximoff twins, and James Barnes have all been approved on a probationary basis.” From the corner of your eye you saw Steve sit straighter in his chair as a grin curled his lips. “Sam will maintain his own residence. The twins will be on the floor below Nat and Clint and Bucky will be on your floor, Steve.”

Not everyone looked particularly thrilled with the news you were giving them. “The information in the folders includes what they are required to do to maintain their status on the team. Steve, Bucky requires daily therapy for the time being, would you prefer I bring someone in?”

“Yes, please,” he responded with no hesitation.

You shifted your attention to Tony who just frowned at the folder in front of him. “Tony.” You’d said his name softly but it was enough to get his attention. He looked up with wide eyes.

“Yeah?”

“The twins need therapy, too. Three times a week. And then there are the after mission sessions. Should I see about getting one on staff?”

Natasha huffed a laugh. “I’m surprised Fury didn’t offer to move one in.”

You smiled at that. “Oh, he did. I didn’t think any of you would care for a SHIELD shrink when we can hire our own. Then you don’t have to worry about them reporting back to anyone.”

“See. This is why I like her,” Clint piped up. “Always thinking.”

Tony’s lips twitched for a second before he gave in and smiled. “Hire us a shrink, sweetheart.”

***

With Jarvis’ help it didn’t take you long at all to find the perfect candidate and he was quickly hired. Anxious to share the news with Tony you were talking before he could even acknowledge your presence in the lab. You read off the man’s qualifications and talked about his references and then realized Tony wasn’t commenting on anything you said.

You looked up from you tablet to find him smiling as he looked between the device in his hand and you. It was easy to see that you amused him. Your face heated. “Sorry, I ramble when I get excited.”

“I look forward to exploring that trait of yours in more detail later, but why are you so excited about hiring a team therapist? Or should I not ask? Is he handsome? Are you impressed by the size of his PHD?”

You blinked as your brain tried to catch up with your soulmate’s teasing. He was certainly in a flirtatious mood. As you looked him over, you realized that he had stripped down to a white tank. And coming from beneath it was a bright blue glow. “Um, Tony?”

“Yeah, Y/N?”

You gestured vaguely in his direction. “You’re glowing.” You tore your gaze from his chest to meet his eyes.

His brow furrowed and he glanced down. “I’m surprised you haven’t noticed before. It keeps me alive. Keeps shrapnel from going into my heart.”

That made your chest hurt. What if he wasn’t a genius? Would he already be dead? You sat your tablet down on the table and stepped around until you stood next to Tony, his eyes following you. “Can I see?”

He tilted his head and studied you for a long moment and you wondered what he was thinking. Finally, he emptied his hands and turned on his stool so he was facing you. In one swift movement, he took his tank off and tossed it on the table beside him. “Look all you want, sweetheart.”

You closed the small distance remaining between the two of you, your eyes glued to the device in his chest. No wonder your scar had never faded. This thing had to be inserted inside of him. It was a permanent wound. You reached your hand out to touch it before you caught yourself. “Sorry,” you said, snatching your fingers back just before you actually made contact.

Tony’s warm hand wrapped around yours and he tugged you closer. Your heart raced and you sucked in a deep breath as he laid your hand against his chest. He kept his over the top of it. “It’s called an arc reactor,” he explained. “It not only keeps me breathing, it powers the suit.”

You glanced up at the sound of his voice and swallowed past the lump in your throat as you realized just how close you were to him. “Does it hurt?”

He shrugged. “Hurt like hell at the time. Now, not so much.” His thumb rubbed against the hand he was holding making a tremor shoot through you.

You reached your other hand up and traced one of the many scars that decorated his skin. He hissed in a breath. Your first instinct was to apologize but you resisted the urge and looked up to meet Tony’s gaze. His eyes studied your face as the corner of his mouth kicked up in a grin. “If you’re planning on checking out all my scars, it’s going to take a while. Not that I mind. I just think you should be prepared.”

The two of you leaned toward each other and your eyelids closed as you prepared for the kiss.

“Ms. Potts is requesting that you meet her in your apartment, Mr. Stark.” Jarvis’ voice cut through the silence in the room and you took a giant step away from Tony as you were reminded of his girlfriend.

Your face was warm and you suddenly found yourself unable to meet his gaze.

“Thank you, Jarvis. Impeccable timing,” Tony bit out.

“Of course, sir.”

You couldn’t keep yourself from glancing up. Tony gave you a smile as he put his shirt back on. His eyes stayed locked on yours as he gave instructions to the AI. “Tell Pepper I’ll meet her in her office.”

He stepped toward you, stopping when you took a step back to maintain the distance. He held up his hands and leaned against the table behind him so you knew he was giving you the space you needed right now. “Pepper is not my girlfriend.”

You bit your lip. “It’s not really my business.”

“I think it is.”

You glanced down briefly before looking back up. “Then does she know she’s not your girlfriend? Because I’m not so sure she does.”

His dark eyes studied you but he said nothing.

You cleared your throat and gestured toward the door. “I should go.”

He nodded once. “Just remember, sweetheart, we’re not even close to done here.”

Battle Scars: @i-dontwikeit @thevanishedillusion @amandamartinez3568 @clumsy-hailles @little-nonny @tonystarkismyboy @redfoxwritesstuff @lowkeyofsassguard @sherlocked-whovian-1969 @tori24rose @a--1--1--3 @youclickedthislink @beckastark @confusedhada @nuggeteater-dot-com @bluehuskey2099 @kit-kat-katie99 @sexysamsungl @staringmoony

All the Things: @swanky-batman @rissyrapp20 @startrekkingaroundasgard @spooookyscary @taylordrunkonwhiskey @thewolf-and-thesheep @laneygthememequeen @collette04 @shatteredabby 

[eternaldipshit]

chap 5 aside

okay so i just posted chapter five and idk how much i wanna address of what i’m feeling when no one even follows this blog but i want to get it all out before i forget

it’ll probably be reiterated in the next chapter notes if i remember but omfg i really showed my age by having to google ‘chef’s kiss’ after two people used it in comments like omfg i thought it was like a reference to another piece of media? that i was somehow unwittingly ripping off?? and then i saw what it actually was and i, for the first time, felt like an Actual Fucking Boomer

not that i’m THAT old but holy shit. i am so out of the loop these days. 

anyway the comments i’m getting are soooo fucking nice and i kind of want to respond to them but i’m so awkward and just really not into the whole socializing thing right now for reasons so just know that i’m reading and using them all as encouragement whenever i feel down on myself about this actual dumpster fire of a fic

so let’s see what else i wanna say about tubtuh before i forget uhh

so originally the plan was haha jk there was no plan but originally i had dave completely disenchanted with bro like just. idk. i was looking at it black and white, but after having a conversation with my father (who was psychologically abused as a child) i realized that this shit is A LOT more complicated. well to be fair to me i always knew dave’s relationship with bro was complicated af but i wasn’t giving it the proper depth that it should have. i think even after dave recognizes that he’s been abused and fully acknowledges it, he’ll still love his bro on some level. this is the guy he looked up to massively after all, who raised him, and who dave tried to emulate for a long ass time (though that might have been partially out of fear?). idk if i’ll ever do this complicated dynamic justice but i’m trying to make it as in-character as poss and i’m worried i’m fucking it up idk ughughugh

that wasn’t very coherent but moving on

i’m not good at writing dirk not only because he’s a hundred times smarter than me, but also because his character wasn’t as fleshed out as dave’s was (at least in my opinion) and part of the reason i was so excited about the epilogues was bc i wanted to see more of dirk finally after all these fucking years!!! and then the epilogues shot that hope in the head and shat on its corpse so i tossed that whole experience into an incinerator and tried my best with what was given before that. 

granted, some of his character was influenced by what all i read in that horrid piece of garbage - see: his breakdown in that last chapter. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - my take on epilogue dirk was that his enhanced prince of heart powers exacerbated his underlying issues with megalomania and his need to be in control. i don’t consider it out of the realm of possibility. even if i fucking loathed it to hell and back, it can be justified. 

i also see it as a flaming pile of horseshit tho, so there’s that. if you want to see my unfiltered thoughts on the epilogue, i’m pretty sure it’s the first post i ever made on this blog lmao fuck the epilogues. 

uhhhhh another thing i’m worried about is... pretty much all the beta kids lmao. i don’t think i have any of their voices right. also don’t wanna spoil anything but i really... never shipped dirk/jake with the exception of when it was first introduced and i was actively thrilled for an actual gay couple in a piece of popular media (which was a way bigger deal back then than it is now) and then things progressed and i just... jake seems... aromantic to me? i don’t think he’s asexual, but he only ever entertained the idea of romance when he felt romantic intentions directed at him. also, in his relationship with dirk (what little we saw of it anyway), he didn’t seem super into dirk in like the romantic sense? idk. i mean i know dirk was overbearing af but jake’s heart just didn’t seem in it and after that i’m pretty sure he’s like ‘i think i’m not meant for romantic relationships’ but i’m too lazy to check.

and i know that’s going to be a point of contention bc a LOT of people ship jake/dirk. and that’s fine, i’m obvs not against people shipping it, i just don’t think i would ever succeed in writing a dynamic that i can’t fully get behind? but we’ll see. 

also? jane got done fucking DIRTY in the epilogues. her and jade were both characters that i initially despised mostly bc i had this thing before college where i hated other women for no reason if they were too girly and heyo now i’m fucking gay.

anyway i love jane and jade now and jade also got done dirty in the epilogues (budum TSSS sorry) and i intend to ignore the epilogues espesh with those two bc again, fuck the epilogues. 

and the LAST point i will make in this already egregiously long post is that i have no idea how long i’m going to write this story, if i’m ever going to finish it, or even the direction it’s going. the end goal, though, is a happy ending. because these kids have been through hell and they deserve it.

i lied. the last point i will make: fuck the fucking epilogues.