#and then there was my reaction..
stuck between "psychological horror statement" and "objectively the funniest thing you could say to your real flesh and blood dad" in the father's day card aisle
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young artist posting your work online, heed my warning. im holding your face so gently in my hands, you have to stop caring about numbers right now and start caring about making the weirdest and most self-indulgent art you possibly can
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sending your friends terrible tumblr posts is a love language
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Magnus fandom, 2016: We're horny for this lady made of worms!
Me: Huh. Unexpected, I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Magnus fandom, 2024: We're horny for this guy made of needles!
Me: Of course you are, my children. Be free.
Magnus fandom 2024: We're horny for this bulbous oozing clown man!
Me: I think 95% of your are being facetious, but the true 5% can go with god.
Magnus fandom, just now: We're horny for a member of the British Aristocracy!
Me: Gross. No. Absolutely not. Sick freaks the lot of you. I am officially kinkshaming. You disgust me.
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Sleepytime for the gang! <3
continuation of this
Caine's reaction:
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Sloppy comic based on me and my friends conversation on my bday last week 😝🥳 this is pretty much verbatim hahaha
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i love dialogue mods. i walk into the grocery store to buy some cooking oil and abigail calls me a faggot
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gale's reaction to mystra telling him to blow himself up is obviously heartbreaking but on the other hand it is deeply DEEPLY hilarious when Gale, Learned professor of renown, is like "if there was another way to defeat the absolute don't you think the goddess of magic would have thought of it" and the band of badly socialized half-feral murder children he's running with just go "well maybe the goddess of magic is stupid, gale"
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lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.
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if you guys ever seen this pic on the internet sometimes, im pretty much responsible for this creation lol
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
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