#and they show a perfect relationship without any negative elements and then have some big blow up outta nowhere at the end

[starlooove]

I knew y’all were gonna take ‘the narrative doesn’t have to hold your hand’ and run with it

[bitofanupsidedowner]

people who want will to get a boyfriend who isn't mike make zero sense to me ngl... i get that mike is kind of a jerk but i just don't feel like it makes a lick of sense tbh, and i also just think anything bad thing mike’s done is best justified/made sympathetic and solved by the conclusion he’s been struggling with his feelings towards will. 

mike is in no way this unredeemable person and i think it’s pretty extreme to treat it like he is. he isn’t perfect, but he’s shown that he does care about will much more often than he’s hurt him. just the facts.

like. yeah sure byler has been built up since season one and mike has been written in a way that made it literally impossible for will TO get a separate love interest. despite mike having a literal girlfriend, his jealousy and protectiveness over will didn’t leave any empty space. we all saw his weird reaction to the painting at the airport and how when dustin and lucas wanted to help will on halloween he yelled at them and shoved them away. 

but like... yeah, let's throw him with some random guy we have no time to get invested in so mike and el can keep being a dysfunctional mess with no chemistry or shared interests even though it would make no sense, have no emotional payout and  is not in any way what mike or will need for a satisfying conclusion to their character arcs (or el! it negatively affects all three.)

separating the two would be the only opportunity possible to give will someone new. it would’ve been tricky to make it believable, but it was their only chance after mike’s emphasis in will’s storyline. that in itself is suspicious, but they essentially told us with mike’s little ‘oh shit’ closet moment that they would not be doing that. 

instead, they kept doubling down on mike and will. they even made the cali plotline sort of agonize over it, with mike and will pulling in the most heart-to-hearts of any duo in any one season afaik. the emphasis on their relationship has been too integral to the show. having had wills sexuality in mind from season one, making mike as big an element in that storyline to begin with is not without consequence. they wrote it in a way that made it almost impossible to reasonably go in another direction.  

they spent a lot of time especially in season 4 showing us how mike and will’s relationship comes naturally to them, has a good  foundation of mutual love and respect, and just generally functions better than mike and el and can repair itself without that much effort. even when mike and el are in their ‘good’ phases, they have less going for them than mike and will in their ‘bad’ phases.

will’s feelings for mike are directly contrasted with el’s. mike makes will feel better for being different. he makes EL feel like a monster. with el, she begged him to say it and he denied her, implying he didn’t ‘know what to say’ and agreeing when will said ‘what if they don’t like the truth?’ he denied her what she wanted until will told him to say it. the text is very directly comparing el and will’s dynamics with mike for a reason.

you never say it > i say it

oh, i didn’t say it. > you didn’t have to.

it doesn't make sense to set this up and then retreat back into a relationship that is mutually destructive, that hinders all three characters growth and self worth, and goes directly against their character arcs. it makes no sense to make will in love with mike at all if it was going to end up with a new guy shoehorned in last minute.

 there’s a reason it’s mike and not lucas or dustin that will fell for. there’s a reason that the majority of people are ecstatic about lumax, jopper, jancy and duzie but find milkvan tedious and forced. 

it's filling the same place in my brain rn as when people want will to have a villain arc. it just does not make any sense to me to actively desire  conclusions to arcs that would undo character progress or just completely misshape the character profile permanently. 

it isn’t JUST a romantic relationship will wants. he doesn’t just have a hankering for a boyfriend. it’s not just about having SOMEONE. it’s specifically mike’s love. it is specifically spending his life with mike that has been explicitly stated over and over again as what he truly wants. 

i feel like it’s fairly rare for characters to both know and state plainly what they want, but will does, which i think is honestly so admirable. he admits it when he is at his most vulnerable (rain fight) when it would be more beneficial for him to just pretend. but he doesn’t. he’s hurt, but he doesn’t hide from it. 

the fact he doesn’t even surprises mike, who was expecting for will to agree that changing drastically and obsessing about girlfriends was the natural progression they were supposed to take. after his wish is put into the open and seemingly rejected, he destroys castle byers. 

mike is insecure about wanting this, but we know he wants that too, we just dont have the explicit confirmation if it’s romantic yet. 

the point being that the emphasis has already been placed on not only who/what will wants, but how confident he is in that never changing. he wants it deeply and forever.

it isn’t just a boyfriend he wants, it’s mike. 

that’s the person he has the deepest connection to, that’s the guy who saved him, who pulled him out of the upside down, fought the hardest for him, stayed by his side when he needed him, befriended him when he was five years old because he thought, ‘he’s like me.’ mike gets a lot of criticism, but none of that is how will himself feels. to him, that’s the guy who makes him brave enough to accept his sexuality. it’s mike, it's always been mike, and it doesn’t make sense narratively for him to be with anyone else.

‘what if you want to join another party? > not possible.

[guardianspirits13]

I wanna talk about Natsuo Todoroki for a second here.

tw// mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide

Natsuo visibly has the most emotional trauma out of anyone else in his family (Touya not included), and I really wanna talk about why that is.

For starters, we haven't seen him really smile since he was introduced in chapter 187. He's introduced as having a friendly, easygoing persona and it's easy to imagine this is how most people outside of his family know him. However, every time we see him appear since then, another layer of his trauma is revealed and expanded upon, and it cuts DEEP.

I think the main reason that Natsuo still seems so vulnerable compared to the rest of his family is different than what you'd assume. Fuyumi and Shouto both spend a lot of time around Endeavor, and have been in close proximity to his (relatively recent) decision to atone. They have seen his growth firsthand and come to terms with it. Rei has obviously taken a very different path to healing- not entirely voluntarily- but she has been working with doctors and therapists for years to change and recover and reconnect with herself and her children. Natsuo is off at college, and takes every opportunity he can to avoid Endeavor. He (understandably) wants nothing to do with him, and shows stagnant resistance to his attempts to atone.

The reason why Natsuo can't move on from the past is because his trauma didn't come from Endeavor. It came from Touya.

Now initially we were led to believe that it was simply Touya's untimely death that still bothers Natsuo, and it makes sense seeing how Endeavor drove him to the edge. Losing his best friend and brother as a young kid without parents to support him or any therapist to speak of can absolutely been the source of persistent emotional damage, but the more and more we learn about Touya's situation, the more evident it becomes that Natsuo's trauma is much much deeper than even grief.

Touya, as we know, was driven by an ambition instilled in him by his father and experienced extreme rejection sensitivity when those ambitions were no longer realistic. Touya's relationship with his parents could be described as insecure attachment, a psychological term primarily regarding how kids react and respond to their parents and other close relationships. As he was raised, Touya learned to equate his potential to be a hero with his personal worth and similarly confounded attention with love. The difference being, of course, that love is unconditional, but even attention was being continually directed away from him as a punishment for continuing to train and burn himself so he could once again become worthy in his fathers' eyes.

This is where Natsuo comes in. At first it was assumed that all of the Todoroki children were born out of Endeavor's strong-willed desire to have a child that could surpass All Might, but we learned that this isn't exactly the case. I'd argue that it was narratively poetic on Horikoshi's part once this was expanded upon. Fuyumi was born to support and encourage her brother, and that is the exact role she plays 23 years later, keeping her family together.

Natsuo's case is even more intersting.

It was bad enough if Natsuo was only born for the potential of his quirk, but it's even more sinister that the sole intent behind his birth was to discourage Touya from his ambitions. I'd say it was to replace him, but it was more to promote the idea that Touya was expendable than to raise aonther kid with the same ideals but the potential to actually achieve it, although that was definitely a secondary motivation.

The parallelism in this is how much Natsuo's life revolves around Touya. He was born because of Touya, he looked up to and took care of Touya as a kid, and the absence of Touya in the present continues to drive him and his decisions in life (but more on that later).

I continue to pray that we will eventually get more solid backstory on Natsuo and Touya's relationship as kids and where it cut off, wether on a bad note or not, but there are a few things we know for certain. One, Touya was mentally ill. Yes, he was rejected by his parents but he seems to have been particularly vulnerable to this compared to any of his siblings since he was the first of them and thus relied only on his parents for validation in his early years. He shows early signs of a variety of different mental disorders, particularly BPD, which I have previously written a whole analysis for on its own. Touya is shown self-harming both by the very nature of his quirk and even by very directly ripping his hair out. He was incredibly self-destructive.

This is why it is so much more concerning to me that Natsuo, who was AT LEAST four years younger than him, was his primary source of comfort. Natsuo was too young to have known anything more than 'my big brother is sad that daddy won't train him anymore' and he obviously wasn't equipped in any way to handle Touya's severe mental illness. Touya most definitely needed professional treaatment as his forms of coping were abnormal even for the neglect and rejection that he experienced. Natsuo comforted Touya through breakdown after breakdown, and more than that Touya relied on him and came to him voluntarily for support. Natsuo was the best option he had, and he took full advantage of that. The main source of Natsuo's trauma was Touya's reliance on him.

Not to say at all that this was in any way Touya's fault- he was mentally ill and desperately in need of some form of comfort to keep him sane; it was almost a survival method at this point since neither of his parents really acknowleged him at all anymore. Touya's instability hurt Natsuo more than parental neglect ever did, but it was the neglect that enabled it and striped Touya of the supportive atmosphere he would have needed at this point not only to prevent but to heal from the mental damage he had already suffered.

Natsuo dealt with this for years and you can see how much it hurt him to see Touya in so much pain, not only from Endeavor's rejection but from his own self harm as well. For Natuso to know that his brotherly love would never be the same as having loving parents; would neve be enough- but at least it was something so he continued to love and care about his brother for little in return- is indicative of the kind of character he is.

(Edit: After the events of chapter 302 we know that Natsuo's relationship with Touya wasn't perfect. I will elaborate more on this in a different post, but I just wanted to clarify that although we were shown a very high-tension scene between them, it is implied that this was a regular occurrence that Natsuo was usually more receptive too but tired out of, in addition to Touya's spiraling mental health. It fit with the natrative to show the tension Touya was feeling with his family from all directions, but Natsu and Touya clearly had a stronger relationship up to and before this point, evidenced by their sharing a room and playing together regularly.)

He is incredibly selfless, and it's interesting to note how many of his positive qualities as an adult stem from negative experiences as a kid. He never really felt love from his parents, so he relied on Touya (and likely also Fuyumi) for that as well. If he grew up learning he had to give love in order to recieve it back, it absolutely influenced who he became in the future, a solid example of this being the responsibility he feels to reach out and have a relationship with Shouto and further regrets that he wasn't able to help his abuse in the past either. Another aspect of his character that intruigues me is how gentle he is. Personality-wise he seems about as opposite as he could be from the awkward, stoic, emotionally-stunted person that is Endeavor.

There are a couple of reasons for this, beyond what I've already discussed.

One, he had little to no contact with elements of toxic masculinity growing up, especially not from Endeavor.

Two, most of the influence he did have growing up was from Fuyumi, who is established to have endlessly cared for him since he was a literal baby.

Three, he grew up in a household where almost everyone around him was in much more literal, immediate pain than he was so he developed a very strong sense of empathy that might also have been tied to early survivor's guilt.

Now I have one important distinction to make, and that's the temptation to label him as a 'softboy' or something of the like after seeing him caring for his family and more pointedly, watching him break down in tears during chapter 252. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with men being soft or vulnerable (on the contrary it's actually so so important and relevant that Hori is writing characters like this in a mainstream shounen manga but that's an essay for another time), it is unfair to label him as such based on a moment when his trauma is being exposed.

Because his truama stems from such a young age, there is a blurry line between just being born with more emotional intelligence and the situation he was in fostering those traits. You know, the classic nature/nurture thing. My point being, it's important to tread carefully when discussing the nature of his personality to avoid invalidating his trauma; I have no doubt that he is very strong for having survived these things, and the moments we see of him onscreen are definitely among his most vulnerable.

Another thing that people less familiar with Natsuo's character might assume is that he is hot-headed and argumentative. I thought that at first too- after all, he doesn't seem to shy away from yelling at Endeavor when given the opportunity. However, this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

The first real scene we see him in with Endeavor, the man walks into the room and Natsuo decides he can't handle it and goes to leave. However, Endeavor happens to be blocking the doorway. Endeavor physically stops him and provokes him to his face, asking him to say whatever is on him mind. While Natsuo is notably not confrontational, Endeavor is. I think it's fair to say that he felt at least uneasy at this gesture. Natsuo is very honest with his feelings, and it's obvious that he's pissed at the audacity of Endeavor to be so oblivious to his own son. This is presumably one of the first real interactions they've ever really had, and at this point Natsuo has been dealing with trauma (caused by Endeavor!) on his own for years, and Endeavor seems completely oblivious to his pain and dismmisive to the rest of the family's as well.

Again during the internship arc Natsuo tries to get along with Endeavor and this time he actually gives it a fleeting chance. Tensions are high, however, and the conversation very quickly becomes uncomfortable, at which point he leaves. It is continually implied that Natsuo is uncomfortable being around Endeavor because his very presence brings up painful thoughts and memories of a time when sharing the same space as him was a warning to run and hide. This is later directly confirmed by Natsuo as he says that every time he looks at Endeavor's face he remembers Touya and the pain he was in.

I feel like an important side note is that we have never seen Natsuo outside the context of his family, which is understandable, as the role he plays in the story directly relates to them. However, if you take a look at Shouto, even though his experiences have shaped him to become who he is, he definitely acts differently when Endeavor's not in the vicinity.

Back to Touya's death, it would be very rare that someone would mourn a death for an entire decade without finding closure unless there are other factors preventing it, and uncomfortably this seems to be the same thing for both Natsuo and Endeavor: guilt.

This is getting incredibly long already, but it's important to note that Natsuo probably felt an incredible responsibility to take care of Touya and protect him because of his empathetic nature. His love was never going to be the same as having loving parents. His encouragement was never going to be the same as having support from Endeavor. Even further than then neglect and abandonement, it was not being able to save Touya that really made Natsuo feel worthless.

He seems to try and remedy this inability to save Touya and diminish his guilt by doing everything he can to be better. He reaches out to Shouto to be a better brother, he consistently pushes his limits to entertain Fuyumi's notion of a happy family, and he's working hard towards a degree rhat will allow him to help people like Touya (and Rei) because he failed to do so in the past.

His bio mildly implies that he didn't have much of a direction he was heading in after high school, but Fuyumi's encouragement led him to seek out his current college career. This goes back to Natsuo's 'purpose' in a sense revolving arount Touya, from his birth to his relationship with him to his death, after which he lost his direction. They were always rather inseperable, so naturally their seperation hit Natsuo hard. He lost his direction in life so when Fuyumi encouraged him to rediscover it, he thought of helping people, because that's ultimately what he was born to do.

Thank you so, so much for reading this if you made it to the end! I clearly have a lot of thoughts on this. Let me know what you think about it as well, and hopefully we'll get more info on this soon in the manga :)

[help-im-a-gay-fish]

A Touch of Soul Searching (Dark Cream story)

The following is a prequal to ‘The birth of Sun and Moon’ Which is a 3 part story about the birth of my dark cream ship kids.

This takes place in the same universe the dark cream twins Celest and Luna are from, which is separate to @zu-is-here cannon universe. The story splits off somewhere around ‘The price of Happiness’. Any continuity errors should be accepted as being part of a alternative timeline.

Synopsis: The night the twins are conceived. Cross and Dream have currently been enjoying life as an engaged couple, but there are a couple things they are yet to explore about each other. Tonight they take their relationship to a new level.

Original Cross and Dream belong to Jakei95 and Jokublog

Original Shattered Dream belongs to galacii

Based off of darkcream by @zu-is-here

Warning, may contain some suggestive elements, but nothing pushes to far.

"you like that?"

"yeah just there... j-just like that"

"alright... How about this?"

"ah! Ooooh.. Yeah... don't stop"

Cross felt his face heat slightly, as his partner sighed in satisfaction. Saying that this was embarrassing would be a huge understatement. Every movement and every sound Dream made, only caused Cross' bones to colour more, though they had been a vibrant purple ever since Dream had asked him for a back rub. He carefully ran his hands across Shattered's back, concentrating on the shoulder blades and spine.

"y-you.." he stammered, before taking a breath to steady himself "Sure carry a lot of stress in your back huh? I was surprised you still get back pain, since you don't use your tentacles much"

Dream sighed again, "yeah.... I thought my back would stop hurting after I stopped wearing my heels... Guess we were both wrong"

There was a slight wrench in Cross' soul at Dream's words. 

The thought of Dream being in any kind of pain automatically upset him, even if it was as minor as back ache. The golden guardian had only ever wanted to help people, help him. He mentally cursed himself at the thought that it was him who pushed Dream over the edge in the end.

Despite his partner's constant insistence that it hadn't been him, Cross knew that he probably hadn't helped. These days he was just glad to have better emotional control, even if it wasn't perfect.

With another hint of tightness in his chest, Cross decided it was best not to lose focus on his task. His lover had a back ache and that's what massages where for right?

Dream currently lay on his front on their bed with his arms supporting his skull. Cross was sat, straddling him at the top of the back of his legs. He was leaning over him and rubbing his back with his hands.

For the most part, Dream as un aware of how awkward this pose was but Cross knew and was trying hard not to think about it. As cute and sweet as Dream’s innocence was, it could be slightly irritating sometimes.

Most people could probably tell that Cross had some mild....... frustrations. But of course Dream mattered more to him then those. He had long excepted that those kind of things may not ever be a part of their relationship, but everything else Dream offered was more then worth the sacrifice.

He calmed his thoughts and rubbed his hands with more weight against Dream. A few clicks of Dream's bones and another satisfied sigh told him he was doing a good job.

He didn't want to do anything to ruin this moment, it would have taken a lot for Dream to let his guard down enough so that Cross could do this, and he didn't want to break his trust. 

It had been quite a year, but for him and Dream things were looking up, they were feeling closer again.......like before and he was starting to regain hope in the future.  

As Dream felt Cross move his hands up and down his spine again, he smiled to himself. He could feel a slight warmth spread through his bones, it was a strange but good feeling. It wouldn’t last, but he was grateful to feel it anyway. Without realising, he let another sigh leave his mouth. Louder this time.

Cross paused. 'd-dam it.... Keep it together Cross' he told himself.

"Crossy?" Dream said inquisitively "are you alright?"

"......"

"Cross?"

"uhhhhhhh" Cross cleared his throat and went back to rubbing "y-yeah no worries"

Dream smiled again and nuzzled into the pillow beneath him.

"I like it when you touch me" he said softly.

If Cross hadn’t known any better, he’d have thought that Dream was doing this on purpose. But Cross knew that was impossible so he pushed thoughts from his mind and got back to work. He couldn't let his mind drift, he knew where it would drift to and somethings are much better left in a fantasy.

It was around this time Dream started to feel a little sleepy, he couldn't tell if it was due to too much positivity or if he was just relaxed. He felt more safe and at piece then he had in a long time.

However, as all things don’t, this wouldn’t last.

His feelings of peace and contentment where rewarded with a sudden dart of stinging in his soul. Sharp and angry like a snake bite. As a response he grit his teeth and arched his back, tensing his body is if trying to squeeze a poison out..

Cross once again paused and his soul flicked with worry. Yet he didn't say anything as he figured that it was the negative punishing Dream for the positive once again. 

Dream always told him off for making a big deal out of it, as he was always adamant to handle it without help. Though Cross moved his hand a little is a slow circling motion on Dream’s back, in an attempt to comfort and carry his lover though the pain.

After a short while, Shattered's body untensed, and he relaxed himself into the bed sheets with a low groan.

There was silence for a while as he caught his breath.

"..... Do you want me to stop Boss?" came Cross' voice from behind him. The nickname giving Dream a sense of being back in control, even if his soul wouldn't fully let him be.

"uh... No... No its quite alright, please do continue" he said in a slightly pained voice.

Cross sighed, not wanting to press the issue further, and slowly got back to work. As he did, Dream began to feel calm again, even if he couldn't fully ignore the light throbbing from his soul. Either way, his mind start wondering. Most likely to distract from the pain at first.

He started to focus on the feelings. The feeling of Cross' hands for one. Strong, yet gentle. The low hum of his beloved's magical aura. Not something a normal monster could feel, but as an energy being he could sense its comforting buzz from anywhere. It caused him to think about the feeling of Cross being so close.

It felt so amazing to be so close to him and for their bodies to be in contact. He wondered why it had taken so long to get to point such a point of intimacy.

But then he remembered.

They had always taken things much slower then any other couples it seemed to. They'd been together for years now.... But sometimes it didn't feel like it. Why had it taken him so long to let Cross touch him like this?

He pushed himself up onto his for arms, quick as a shot. Cross stopped thinking his soul was acting up again. Dream felt himself shake a small amount. No.... It shouldn't let himself think of stupid things.

"Dream?" Cross asked, and after getting no response, he slipped off of Dream's body and sat on the bed next to him.

"hey...Day Dream what's the matter? I didn't hurt you right? is it your soul?"

Dream shook his head and flopped down onto his face like an angry child. He muttered something into the sheets.

Cross laughed nervously "I uh... Can't hear you when you keep your face pressed into the bed love"

Dream grumbled again and then rolled over onto his back.

"why did it take so long?”

“huh?”

“I mean we'd been together for over a year before the corruption stuff happened"

His fiancé gave him a puzzled look and Dream remembered that Cross had no idea what he'd been thinking about.

"Cross I mean that...." he said, pausing for a moment to figure out how to put it into words

"This is the first time you've ever touched me that way... I just feel like we should have gotten further by now"

Cross blushed "uhhh"

Dream couldn't help but smile slightly at the sight of the familiar purple glow.

"You look like a glow stick" he teased.

"oi!" Cross replied "don't mock the blush when you made that blush happen"

Dream laughed and looked up at Cross with a smile, but it quickly faulted. "I mean it though Crossy..... Why so long?"

The former guards shoulders shrugged. This wasn't the kind of conversation he was prepared for.

"it's never really mattered to me, I'm happy where we are".

He's eyes met the golden guardian's "but you know I'd wait for ever for you". He moved and kissed his partner's gloopy forehead.

Dream felt love and positive emotions rush from Cross to him. It was so much that he felt dizzy for a moment. A smile couldn't help but spread across his face, despite the migraine threatening to happen. However, it still didn't make the nagging feeling go away. Running his hands along his gloopy arms, he continued to think.

Watching TV wasn't really something that Cross and he did often, but in the rare times he did, he couldn't help but notice something.

In the shows they did watch, Undernovela to name one, the people always seemed so much more intimate then he was with Cross. Their body language was a clear sign of that. And every so often they would touch each other, kiss each other, start to strip each other and then Cross normally turned it off.

Thanks to his partner, Dream had never actually seen how one of those scenes ended. It was his goal to one day watch one to completion. But for now, he could still remember the way they began at least.

This kind of closeness and touching..... Him and Cross had never really done that. It hadn't bothered him in the past, but right now he couldn't stop thinking about it.

"...... Cross?"

"yeah?"

"I want you to kiss me, but do it like they do in the movies"

At this point Cross was sure that someone could have cooked an egg on his face.

"w-what do you mean?!"

After thinking for a moment, Dream said, slightly unsure, "passion and a little heat I guess"

Cross pulled his turtle neck up over his face slightly "a-are you sure"

Suddenly laughter filled the room, coming from Dream. Seeing Cross like this was amazing. Something about it was just so hilarious. Comparing this blusy mess to the grumpy, cold persona Cross used to put up. It was just to much.

"oh my goodness! You are so embarrassed right now!"

Some slight frustration bubbled in Cross as Shattered laughed at him. But this was soon replaced with a playful hunger. Well.... If he wants to be kissed like that...

As Dream laughed, he felt as Cross climb on top of him and pin his wrists next to his head. He paused and looked up at him, feeling his face get burning hot.

"looks like you’re the glow stick now~" Cross said with a sly smirk. Dream glared, but his face got hotter.

"you want me to kiss you like they do in the movies?" he said, leaning in closer to Dreams face.

He had a playful look in his eyes and his hands gripped Dream's wrists slightly harder.

His emotions and feelings weren't feelings Dream could easily identify or recognise. As much as a part of him hated to admit it, he liked this side to Cross. The dominance was strangely attractive.

Cross could sometimes be so gentle and passive that Dream felt like Cross thought he was breakable. This was different. Cross was being a bit more forward and Dream felt a little excited.

"Yes please....." the smaller skeleton replied.

With that Cross kissed him. If Dream had felt like he melted when Cross kissed him before, it was nothing compared to this.

There was more passion and heat coming from this then he'd ever felt in his whole life. He couldn't help but let out a slight muffled moan.

That noise was new.... In fact this whole thing was new, it brought a whole lot of new feelings. He felt the need to wrap his arms around Cross and keep him there but of course Cross still had his arms pinned.

Cross leaned forward more, he couldn’t think of a time he’d every enjoyed kissing someone more, so much so he was starting to forget himself. So he deepened. He slipped his tongue inside Dreams mouth slyly and ran it around hungerly.

Feeling this, Dream opened his eyes wide. This sensation was very alien to him and he shuddered starting to feel a slight panic rising. His soul started racing and his body trembled. This was making him feel suddenly very strange and vulnerable. It was to much. To much to much! No stop!

Luckily, Cross noticed his partner's discomfort and parted the kiss. Now Shattered’s mouth was free, he took some long deep breaths. 

After a brief moment of confusion, Cross realised what had probably freaked Dream out.

He felt like an complete idiot, you had to go slow with Dream. Dream didn't have a lot of experience with that kind of thing, of course over sensitising him would upset him. He should have known better. Cursing himself, he let go of Shattered and got off him, sitting beside him.

"sorry....I..... Are you alright?"

Dream continued to take deep breaths, to calm his soul and nodded. His body was all warm and funny feeling. Now he was thinking clearer, it wasn't bad really, but it was very very new and strange.

"y-your tounge got broken again" he said before taking another deep breath.

"...... yeah.... I know, I got a little carried away, I won't do it again. I promise"

Dream could sense a lot of guilt coming from Cross. There was still many feelings he didn't recognise, but guilt was among them. Cross felt that often enough that Dream could recognise it easily. 

Did he feel bad for upsetting him? That was silly... Dream had asked him to kiss him that way.

He seemed to feel really bad though. His dark side, flipped in delight at the negative emotions to snack on. But despite that, Dream didn't like Cross feeling like that.

The kiss had been really good! Really really good. It had just been a lot of new feelings.

He didn't want Cross to feel bad and he didn't want Cross to be afraid to do it again. In fact the thought of Cross going back to treating him like he was breakable made him feel upset. He was a very good kisser after all.

"Cross it's OK you know" he said, sitting up.

Cross looked at him with a guilty face. Dream cupped his cheek with his hand.

"I really liked it Crossy! I promise"

Cross smiled slightly.

"you just caught me a little off guard, that's all" he said softly.

He leaned over and nuzzled Cross' face

"I still Love you so much so don't worry about that!"

A light chuckle left Cross' mouth "I know Daydream, I love you so much too"

More pain, yet the smaller ignored it and continued to nuzzle him.

"just a little bit of warning next time, OK?"

Yeah that sounded alright. Cross thought and nuzzled his partner back. Next time...

Wait next time!?

"Next time!?" he exclaimed pulling back.

"yeah next time" Dream said with a puzzled look slipping onto his face "we are gonna do this again right?"

Dream narrowed his eyes, Cross was giving him a 'deer in the headlights' look. He could tell what he was thinking though. He was once again to afraid to hurt him.

"Cross... I’m going to tell you something, and I need you to listen to me" he said in a firm tone. 

Cross sheepishly nodded

"I want to be able to be valuable around you, but I can't because it will just prove to you that you need to protect me.... I don't need a guard I need a-

-partner" Cross said, cutting him off.

Dream paused before replying "yes exactly"

Cross' eyes glanced for a moment at Dream's ankle. "I.... I know that Dreamboat I just-

"my ankle...." Dream said cutting in.

"huh"

Shattered shifted his feet "you were thinking about what happened with Killer again..... Weren't you?"

"......."

Protesting wouldn't have helped. Dreams gaze was cutting into him, there was no use lying.

"yeah......"

Shifting his feet again, Dream let out a defeated sigh.

"You know that I could totally take on killer these days..... You can't just" he shifted his foot again "........ You still see me as how you saw me back then?"

Cross faltered slightly and avoided his partner's gaze.

Dream seemed slightly irritated now

"I'm not the same being I was back then, and neither are you." Dream said plainly and before Cross could reply he added.

"when you still treat me like that..... It makes me feel like I can't be weak around you..... That I can't show myself to you..."

Guilt radiated from Cross, as the former positively guardian spoke. It felt like a knife twisting in him. He was always so afraid to hurt Dream, that sometimes he was to afraid to do anything. To put it bluntly, he had no reason to really feel this way, the gloopy being could easily snap his neck if he desired to.

"Dream.... I never thought I'd ever get to be with someone as amazing as you... I don't want to lose you, I very almost did"

It was Dreams turn to tense now.

"one moment I tell myself that you are strong...... So strong you don't even need me! But the next...." Cross sighed in a defeated way and sagged his shoulders.

He felt like anything he could say would just be an excuse at this point. There were so many thoughts and feelings he didn't know how to properly explain them. So instead he said the first thing that came to mind.

"you.... Sometimes you are still a bit of a kid really". The moment he said it, he hated himself for saying it. Though in that moment he'd forgotten Dream could read his emotions.

A frown crept onto Dreams face, upon recognising the negative cocktail brewing in Cross. This was an important issue in their relationship, but it was probably best not to press it much further now. His inner excitement at his partner's emotions was making Dream feel a little sick, so he couldn't bare to draw out this conversation more. Instead, he portend scoffed at the conversation.

"a kid? Me? Ha!" he said, his voice being playful and inviting Cross to play along.

Catching onto the playful tone, Cross smiled.

"Well I'm sorry to tell you this Boss, but you are as naïve as a small child around most matters"

Shattered pretend gasped "How dare you!" he put his hands on his hips "I will have you know that I have grown up knowledge!"

Cross raised an eyebrow "like what?"

Dream's smile told Cross that he'd been wanting him to say that. "well I know that a honeymoon isn't going to the moon and eating honey." he stated.

"oh really?" Cross said, laughing slightly.

"yep!" Dream said proudly. Before leaning in close to Cross like a child sharing a secret.

"I even know that people do lots of grown up stuff on honey moons! I don't know what these grown up things are.... But I know people do them"

Cross let out a low chuckle at that and Shattered was thrilled to see that Cross felt better, even with another bitter ache running through his core as a result.

"I know Dream boat..... The angry baby is all grown up" he teased. 

Poking his tounge out, Dream booped Cross' nose 

"He is indeed! And as a grown up he wants you to treat him as an equal"

Cross let out a proper laugh now.

Dream felt momentarily satisfied. But it wasn't quiet enough. 

It looked to him like Cross wanted to continue the game....well he did have one more trick, since he was feeling playful. His face twisted into a thin smile and his eye gleamed.

"although....." he said in a low voice, leaning forward towards Cross. Gloved hands moved off the bed and ran themselves slowly long Cross' leg bones.

"if you want.... I could try taking a bit more of a dormant roll" he purred.

More heat instantly rushed to Cross' face, at the sudden contact. The mood had well and truly changed. It was a warm purple blush that hadn't left him since they started this whole thing.

Sliding his hands to Cross' hips slowly, Dream moved forward a bit again. Shattered took great pleasure in Cross' face of embarrassment. There was a part of him that missed doing this. He missed the tease. The delicious feast of emotions radiating from his partner. Cross should have known that Dream always won when they played.

Cross felt as Dream's hands place themselves on his ribs. The fingers curling in the fabric of his jumper. He shivered under Dreams touch and his two coloured eyes locked with Dreams. He tried to say something, but could only stammer.

With that Dream broke. He couldn't take it anymore, snorting and bursting out laughing again. He was just too easy to fluster, it was brilliant. He fell over onto his side, his body convulsing against their bed in his laughter.

"you should see the look on your face right now!" he said, losing the smoothness of his tone and returning to his jolly happy voice.

Cross set up straight as stiff as a board and chest flushed out slightly "Dream! are you trying to give me a heart attack!?"

Dream smirked "oh no, your boss is just having a little fun with you~"

Cross shook his head "you are just terrible sometimes". 

He smiled "you're lucky that I've been in love with you for years"

With a sigh Dream sat back up. "Feeling better now my love?" he asked gently. Cross nodded.

"yeah...I'm sorry for getting all freaked out, I just...."

"..... Just?" Dream prompted.

"my magic and emotions can sometimes be a little..... Unstable.... If I lose control, if I hurt you...."

And there is was, just like it always was, Cross' fear of hurting him. It seemed that they had circled back round again.

"if I may quote myself,... if only you could" Dream said with a soft smile appearing on his face.

"I know you couldn't hurt me even if you wanted to"

Cross sighed and took a moment to reflect. He knew that Dream was right. Dream had said the same thing to him many times in the past. Maybe the past was the problem.

"sometimes I still see you as the same skeleton I fell in love with all those years ago" Cross said.

Dream rolled his eyes slightly "I'm pretty sure the 2 pounds of gloopy slime is enough evidence that I'm not"

The two where able to share a laugh this time.

“still...” Cross said, calming his laughter.

"even with a black liquorice coating, you have the same sweet centre you always have".

"...."

"Your soul is enveloped in negativity, but it's still pure from the inside out..."

As much as Dream wanted to, he couldn't stop the warmness in his cheek bones. But also, his chest twisted at Cross' sweet words.

"heh..." he chuckled "you wouldn't say that if you could see it"

The attempt self depreciating humour had been in an effort to make himself feel less awkward. But instead it made a lump form in his throat.

However, he chose to double down.

"y-you'd be repulsed at the sight of me" he stated placing his gloved hand on his chest and tugging slightly at the fabric.

"I don't think so"

Dream looked up.

"Cross I know what I'm talking abou-

"then show me"

Dreams grip on the fabric of his collar tightened. "what" he breathed.

"you are beautiful.... Inside and out.... I want to prove that"

He sounded so sure. Firm, but not forceful. There was a look of determination that Dream could recognise in his eyes.

His fingers once again tugged at his collar, though this time he could also feel the hum of the magic gathered under his ribs. He told himself he was mad for considering this, but a determined Cross was as stubborn as a mule. He wouldn't let this go, so it was probably best to get it over with.

"ok....." he whispered.

After telling himself to be a grown up and bite the bullet, he squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the soul from his chest.

Shattered scrunched his shoulders and waited. 

He waited for Cross to be disgusted or repulsed by the sight of his rotten soul. For him to tell him to put it away. But Cross didn't say that. In fact, as Dream opened his good eye, he saw the guard has a look of wonder on his face, taken in by the beauty of it. It was unlike anything Cross had ever seen.

"beautiful..." he said in a near whisper, which immediately caused Dreams face to flush, both out of embarrassment and surprise.

But Cross didn't notice as his gaze was still fixed on the soul.

"Does it.." he said softly "does it hurt?"

Dreams face dropped into a frown. He nodded "more then you can imagine"

He avoided Cross' eye contact, but felt Cross' sadness. Then he felt something else. Something softly bush against his soul.

He jumped and fixed his gaze to Cross again. Cross sheepishly retracted his hand. He'd been reaching forward to touch the soul and now he felt like an idiot. Dream just stared at him, mulling over what had just happened.

"i-i-im sorry I...." Cross stuttered. What was he thinking? Why did he do that? He had no right to touch Dream's soul. His partner had finally felt confident enough to show him it and he'd pushed to far. 

What was wrong with him today?!

"I d-don't know why I-

But then he was shushed by a gloved finger being pressed to his mouth.

"shhhh... Don't speak" Dream purred softly.

If Cross' face could get any hotter, in that moment it did. Dream pulled his hand away from his mouth and took Cross' hand in his. He guided Cross' hand up to his soul.

"I want you to touch it"

He must have miss heard him right? There was no way..... But as Dream spread his fingers and allowed them to wrap around the soul, it became very clear that he hadn't. 

Cross wanted to say something, do something... Anything. But he was so afraid to ruin it. This moment felt so breakable, one wrong move could send there progress backwards. But he knew he had to say something.

"a-are" he calmed his nerves "are you sure?"

"You are scared Cross.... I know you are, but if any one will ever touch me like this, I only want it to be you"

Shattered himself struggled to keep his voice from shaking. He'd never felt so vulnerable, so exposed, but he was also full of anticipation. 

Cross' fingers where only lightly around him, hardly touching, it was like he was teasing him.

Cross closed his fingers around the soul slightly more, Dream shuddered as he did.

"if you want me to stop at any point Dreamboat, say apple ok?"

"Apple?" Dream asked, tilting his head "A code word?"

Cross nodded.

"Alright" he said, bracing himself for the pending contact "If I want you to stop, I'll say Apple"

And with that Cross began. He made sure to go slow, timidly running his fingers against it. It pulsed in his hand slightly, the magical energy felt warm and comforting.

Dreams body gave a lurch as Cross started and he squeezed his eyes shut. This was new, very very new.

For a moment he was tempted to say apple, being slightly overwhelmed. But as he started to get used to the feelings he was being presented with, he relaxed. Opening his eye sockets again he saw his partner looking at him with a very worried expression. 

He'd stopped.

"I... I..." Dream said trying to catch his breath "I didn't say apple"

Cross nodded and took that as a sign to keep going.

Dream leaned forward and rested his head on Cross' shoulder. As alien sensations continued to fill him, he weakly gripped the front of Cross' jumper. His fingers curled into the fabric and tugged slightly. 

These feelings overcoming him where strange but incredible to feel. He all at once felt weaker and stronger then he ever had and he wanted more.

He gripped the jumper tighter and pulled himself up to Cross' eye level. Their eyes locked together as Dream felt Cross' fingers continue to gently stroke the soul. Cross' face was that of excitement, confusion and nervousness.

Dream looked down to Cross' broad chest and he started to run his hands across it. His partner tense and then relaxed as he did. Being this close, Dream took a moment to appreciate Cross' ribs. 

He'd seen them a few times but now, as he traced them through his jumper with his fingers, he'd truly noticed how handsome of a skeleton Cross was. Without realising, he started to pull up Cross' shirt up slightly.

But Cross immediately caught Shattered's hands in his own and pushed them back down.

"l-let's leave clothes on.... ok?"

Dream gave a disgruntled wine at the fact that Cross had let go of his soul. His fingers let go of Cross' jumper and he leaned back a bit. 

He was about to ask why he’d stopped him, when he noticed Cross' emotions being strange. 

They were new and very very intense. 

There was something carnal brewing in the soldier, and it was clearly making Cross nervous.

"are you ok?" Dream questioned, feeling worried.

"I've just..." he said nervously "I've never done this before"

"you think I have?" Dream retorted

"what! No, of course not" Cross replied.

He twisted his locket on his fingers "I-I've done intimate things with people before... Not much mind you" a brighter purple hue decorated his face.

",... But this?....this is more intimate then I've ever been with a person"

Dream tilted his head slightly and frowned.

"I guess... I’m just a little nervous Dreamy"

Dream gently took his chin in his free hand and tilted his head upwards. He'd give Cross a soft and tender kiss on the mouth. He felt Cross melt a bit, which made him smile into the kiss.

He pulled back and smiled wider "it will be alright.. I trust you completely"

His tone was sweet and caused Cross' soul to thump. He considered how he'd had a hold on Dreams soul just moments before and wondered how it had felt to Dream.

Dream placed Cross' hands on his hips now and placed his back on the guards chest. Cross tensed under his grip but didn't move his hands. Dream used this as an opportunity to move himself closer to cross, to try and close the gap between them. Cross' soul was beating against his hand through his chest and it tweaked at Dream's curiosity.

Cross moved his hands up slightly to where he could feel the base of Dreams ribs through his clothes. There was no doubt in his mind that Dream was unaware of what kind of things he was doing to him right now and he had no intention of taking advantage. 

The way Dream was acting was something he'd only seen his most shameful fantasies that this point, so much so that he was fighting to keep grip on his imagination. The more he fought the more anxious he felt.  

"Cross why are you so tense?" Dream questioned, which turned Cross' attention back on him.

It was only when he tried to relax, that Cross noticed how tense he'd become.

"do you need to say apple?" came Dreams sweet voice again. Cross pondered the question for a moment, then slowly nodded.

The moment he saw Cross nod, Dream shifted his body away and removed his hands from his chest. Through Cross was sad to lose the hold he had on Dream, he felt mostly relieved as his soul continued to thump.

"I could feel your soul beating very fast...." Dream said, "did I do something wrong?"

He seemed quite nervous now himself. Cross sighed and placed his hand on his chest, over where is heart would be if he had one.

"n-no you didn't" he said taking a few deep breaths "I'm just not sure what you wanted to do from here".

That was a good question. Dream had mostly been letting his instincts drive him. What was it that he wanted? He pondered this, tapping his finger against his own chest, where his soul had returned, as if mimicking the beat of Cross' soul. Then he realised.

"I want to touch your soul"

Whatever Cross had been expecting or thinking, hadn't been anywhere near that. That wasn't something he'd ever even considered.

His soul was a mess, he knew that. His first thought was to refuse, but as he looked again into Dream's eyes, his resistance faltered.

Shattered was looking at him with a soft expression. Not one he'd truly seen in the longest time. The transformation had changed Dreams eyes from what they once were. But in that moment Dream's gaze was every bit as warm and welcoming as it had once been those years ago.

Not only did it help ease away any desires to resist, but it also helped him to calm is own self down. Dream had always had a way of calming him, whether it be though touch or words. It was a sense of calm unlike another.

It was his vulnerability that Dream was asking for and his complete trust. His soul wasn't just something that he willing showed to anyone.... But Dream wasn't just anyone.

What was happening between then tonight was very special. It was something far beyond the intimacy of sex and that meant it was something so much better.

He smiled softly and nodded, resting his hand on his own chest. Dream smiled and sat back on his feet, waiting expectantly. 

Feeling the throb of the magic gathered in his ribs, Cross' anxiety crept in slightly. But he took a long, deep breath and allowed his magic to pull the glowing mass of energy and determination from under his jumper.

He glanced down at the formless substance in his hand as the magic swirled into forming the rough shape of a heart. He narrowed his eyes at the sight of red and white, then looked back at Dream.

His partner was watching him very closely and Dream's focused face told him he was trying to read his emotions.

"it's not much to look at......" he stated, as Dream continued to stare

"it's perfect" the guardian said softly. "because its you"

As Dream had anticipated, there was a wave of positivity from Cross which hit Dream like a bucket of boiling water, sending a deep burning feeling through his bones. He tensed his knuckle, but didn't react in any other way. Closing his eyes, he took a breath.

"thank you...."

Cross' voice caused him to open his eyes again.

"h-here....." the soldier said softly, moving his hand and soul into Dream's reach.

It was a small amount of time before the burning fully subsided and Dream slowly moved his gloved hand forwards. 

With as much care as he could muster, he took the essence from Cross' fingers.

The soul felt strange. Not quite solid and not quite un solid. It was like a combination of all 3 states. Gas, liquid and solid.

The incorporeal essence felt pleasant in his hand, and he had a strong desire to remove his gloves to feel it properly. But he didn't feel quite relaxed enough to show Cross his hands state. So Instead he contracted his index finger to give the soul a conservative stroke. The reaction from his companion was audible. Not a sound that he was familiar with, but one he felt the desire to hear again.

He didn't look up at Cross, but when the skeleton saw the way Dream was smiling as he observed his soul, he felt extremely jittery. The anxiety was raising in his chest again and sticking an acidy taste in the back of his throat. But he didn't dare say a word to stop Dreams actions.

Again the former positive being, ran his finger up and down, across the surface. Once more he enjoyed the sounds that came from Cross. But now, he felt a need for more. To see how far he could push.

So cautiously, he nuzzled it, feeling as the warm magic brushed against his face. The warmth was very pleasant and conforming.

It vibrated in his fingers as he squeezed it lightly, smiling as Cross gasped in response. A little bit of teasing was always fun.

Even if Cross denied it, Dream knew he loved to be teased. Again he flexed his fingers and nuzzled the magic. There was a light hum in his own chest as he did so, followed by a very slight pain which he ignored. His eye moved to looking at his partner, hoping to see a reaction.

Cross was sat with his legs crossed and his shoulders hunched. From what Dream could sense he was enjoying himself and knowing Cross, he was probably trying not to enjoy himself to much. The purple blush had travelled down his neck now, not quite as vibrant, but still.

He shivered at the feeling of Dreams breath against him.

Getting an idea, Dream nipped the mass in his hand in a playful way, being delighted by the yelp Cross made. He made sure to catch Cross' eye, before smirking devilishly and placing a soft kiss on the soul's surface.

Then, after a short moment of intense eye contact, he chuckled slightly and moved his hand with the soul away from his mouth.

"alright, I'll stop"

The soldier breathed a sigh of relief, despite being slightly disappointed. As embarrassing as that was, he'd by lying if said he didn't enjoy it.

Dream reached his hand out and offered the soul back to Cross. As Cross went to take it, Dream clenched his fingers around it slightly.

"Dream?" Cross ask, worried that Dream was going to start teasing him again.

Dream on the other hand was thinking quite a lot, as he continued to feel the warm magic in his fingers. There was something going on with his own soul, he could feel it, a kind of throbbing, humming, something.

After a while, Dream let go of Cross' soul and Cross took it back, holding it in his own hand.

As Cross carefully returned it to his chest, Shattered's soul burned slightly. A realisation of what the feeling in his soul was, hit Dream like a slap in the face. It was a desire for more.

Dream caught Cross' arm "Wait!"

Cross froze and stared at his lover.

"I want...." Dream started, being unable to figure out how to say what he wanted. This kind of thing wasn't something he was accustomed to and it wasn't something he'd taken the time to research or understand better in the past. He'd only been a child back then after all.

At that very moment he wished he could ask his twin for help. But he forcefully pushed that wish from his mind before he could think about it for to long.

It had probably been touching Cross' soul which had awoke a long dormant piece of him, something he'd never have thought anyone would make him feel.

"I want our souls to..."

He placed his hand on his chest and pulled out the still rotting apple. Yet this time the magic was less of a solid shape. It had been reduced to a swirling mass of gold and black, which flickered around his fingers like flames.

The former guard stared in both wonder and concern at the new sight.

"..... I want our souls to be one"

Silence.

A very loud silence. Cross could do nothing but look from Dreams face to his soul then back again. After repeating that a few times he looked away.

There was probably about one thousand different thoughts going through the soldier's mind. The request... The implications and what the act itself would involve.

It was in essence soul sex. Just that realisation made his face burn. It was something he'd heard of in the past, but not something most monsters took part in. Only a few tried it, as he'd heard it could have extreme consequences.

He fixed his gaze back to being directly in Dreams eyes. The skeleton seemed nervous, but he also seemed quite sure. 

He sat, arm out slightly, with his soul flicking in his palm. It was almost like he was offering it to Cross. A temptation.

Yet, Cross was still wildly unsure how to react. Every possible way that he could respond, ran though his head so fast, it was impossible to pick one. Yes? No? Maybe? What was it that Dream actually wanted him to do? Did Dream even fully understand what he was asking? What if some bad happ-

But then, before he could finish that thought, he became distracted. Dream closed his eyes and took a long deep breath, his fingers tightening around his own soul slightly. He sighed in a near meditative way. It was this that got Cross to focus on him again.

After a few short moments he opened his good eye slowly and again, looked directly at Cross. The gold of his eye was truly mesmerising and matched the soul perfectly, the same colour as a forbidden treasure.

Then, slowly Dream moved again, reached his free hand forward and placing it on Cross' chest. For a moment he felt Cross' mock-heartbeat under his hand, never breaking eye contact.

It was still silent in the room, but less of a loud kind. It was comfortable and more soft.

Dream's fingers lightly gripped Cross' jumper, as he studded his face for a sign of resistance.

He didn't move again and only continued to feel the beat. His face remained serious, but gentle... As if he was asking permission.

Cross could feel his soul beating against Dreams hand, and could see that Dream's soul was beating in rhythm with it. Connected.

Slowly, he placed his own hand on his chest, over Dream's.

"ok.... "

He didn't need to say anything else. It was a simple word, but it the perfect one.

Together they drew their hands back, pulling forth a string of magic with it. Once it had formed its shape Dream moved his hand back to his own soul.

".... ok..... " Dream said softly "are you ready?"

"Yes" Cross replied, but after picking up on some slight hesitation, he asked "Are you?"

"......... I..."

It was Dream's turn to get lost in thought now. He suddenly felt very scared at the prospect of what he was doing. He tried to relax himself, to no effect. Maybe he couldn't do this.

"it's ok to change your mind"

Dream would never know how such simple words, could make him feel so good. This wasn't a random person he was doing this with. It was Cross. His soldier, his partner. The one who made him feel truly safe. That thought granted him true courage.

He smiled

"... I don't need to, I'm ready"

With that, it was time to begin.

In the flickering state his soul was in, Dream's soul was clearly drawn to Cross' as they were moved closer together.

The two skeletons watched carefully at the display of red and gold light and guided both souls to the point of almost touching. Once the souls fused, they couldn't be separated by force, this was the last chance to back out. But neither did, and nodded to one another, moving their hands away and allowing the souls to take over.

It felt like a life time before the two souls finally touched.

Cross grit his teeth as an attempt to prevent himself from letting out some inappropriate noises. Though he could prevent them all. Luckily, Dream didn't seem to notice this. He was lost in his own feelings and his hand gripped his fingers into the fabric of the bed sheets.

"¡Oh Dios! santa mierda" he hissed, before groaning slightly.

In a normal situation Cross would have been shocked to hear his beloved curse. However in that moment he wasn't bothered in the slightest

"yeah... Y-you said it my love" Cross replied, taking a few deep breaths to collect himself.

No sooner had he gotten used to the sensations he was being presented with, then the souls sparked and pulsed pushing together more. Both skeletons felt this and let out some strained wines, yet there was more to come, as it was nowhere near over yet.

Dream closed his eyes to allow himself to lose himself in the sensation again. It was something so new. But unlike earlier, new didn't feel scary. It felt right. Opening his eyes again, he looked at Cross. He wanted to be closer to him.

He shifted his legs and shuffled on the bed. Noticing his movement, Cross copied so that they were once again sat across from each other.

Cross leaned forward and touched their foreheads together, feeling the coldness of Dream's crown on his warm bones.

"h-how" Cross said with a shaky breath "how you d-doing?"

"Placer más allá de las palabras" Dream basically panted, pulling back a bit so his head away from Cross. His face was flushed and his expression caught up in bliss. Cross couldn't help but match his smile and reached out to stroke his partner's cheek, brushing some gloop away.

For a moment they just enjoyed this simple contact and Dream turned to nuzzle Cross' fingers. Such a small act, but it made more warmth spread through Cross.

It was then that this moment was interrupted by there souls once again pulsing together. As the magic curled around each other, both parties felt more heat and sighed out each others names.

Their hands found each others and gripped together, hanging on for dear life as the magic continued to swell and then the souls pushed together all the way.

This stole the air right out of both of them. It was real now. They were connected. After a moment they locked eyes and not a second later Dream spoke.

"¡Bésame ahora!"

Cross didn't hesitate for a moment.

In a flash their mouths where pressed together in the sweet agony of a passionate kiss. They were over whelmed now and over come with strong desires. 

The kiss continued, as they moved from sitting, to rolling around on the bed sheets. The fabric wrapping around their legs and tangling their limbs together. How they ended up there? Neither could tell you. Who was on top? Neither could say.

Dreams crown knocked off and fell to the floor with a clang as the two continued. Neither noticed or cared. They were lost in the sensations and in the feeling of each other at this point.

There was no crown. No curse. No anything. Just each other and that was it. There was nothing either of them wanted more then to express that.

Not Cross or Dream could tell you how long it lasted. All they knew is by the time there souls had separated they were completely tangled in each other.

It was quite an awkward pose to get out of, as they un-weaved their legs and arms. The awkward silence turned into the two breaking into a fit of laughter as Cross couldn't fight his legs free of the blanket.

In the end they managed to separate and lay down next to each other. Not a word was spoken as they stared face to face, enjoying the euphoria and the sound of the other breathing. It was like the ending of a rom com, where the two main characters have that perfect soft moment with each other. It was that perfect moment.

As the magic settled and they slowly fell asleep in each others arms, they had no idea the path they had set in motion. Or who would be greeting them a short while later.

,<3

[kidslovecudi]

Man On The Moon III: The Chosen - Album Review By “kidslovecudi“

Before I say anything about this album, let me say that I am so excited that Cudi is finally releasing new music! Speaking for all Cudi fans, we have all been waiting for new solo material from the moon man for the longest time and the few teasers he’s been releasing over the last year, with “Leader Of The Delinquents” and his collaborations with Travis Scott, (“The Scotts”) and Eminem (“The Adventures of Moon Man & Slim Shady”) have not been enough to fully satisfy us. With Man on The Moon III: The Chosen, Cudi fulfills on a promise to his fans he made years ago and gives us quite a lot to digest. However despite how fulfilling this record is, Cudi still manages to leave you on the edge of your seat wanting more and I personally can’t wait to see what he’s going to do next!

1. Beautiful Trip (Intro)

Produced by Kid Cudi, FINNEAS, Plain Pat, Emile Haynie & Dot Da Genius

And it starts...

2. Tequila Shots  ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ 

Produced by Kid Cudi, Dot Da Genius & Take a Daytrip

On this first track Cudi brings us back into the dark world of the moon man but this time with a new outlook. Referencing his previous works, Cudi aims to prove that he’s “not just some sad dude” and feels that despite his mental well being still occasionally being unstable he’s ready for whatever he has to face. What I loved most about this record was Cudi’s consistency. Throughout the years Cudi has mastered the art of having his own unique galactic sound that transcends through all of his music, despite the genre, and that sound is very present here. Along with his classic hums and hypnotic melodies, this track, known as the fan favorite, has the potential to be a classic.

3. Another Day ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius, Nosaj Thing & Take a Daytrip

When I first heard this song, I absolutely lost my shit. Cudi started this album off swinging and I was not prepared for him to go so hard. I’ve had this song on repeat quite a few times since I first heard it and along with the beat being absolutely sick, Cudi is rapping his ass off! My favorite part is when the beat breaks down in the second chorus, and I get hype as fuck every single time.

4. She Knows This ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

 Produced by J Gramm, FnZ & Dot Da Genius                  

This song on first listen reminded me of a song by another of my favorite artists, called “The Let Out” by Jidenna but Cudi took it to a whole other level and isn’t as repetitive. Once the track speeds up Cudi goes even harder with even trippier sounds that will make you feel like you’re driving through space. One of my favorite things about this album is that a lot of the songs change in the middle keeping you that much more engaged in the whole song than to quickly digest it, like a lot of records on mainstream radio. On top of that his bars are on complete fire and it’s always great to see Cudi flex his rapping skill that a lot of people don’t give him credit for.

5. Dive ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius, Anthony Kilhoffer, Aaron Bow & Teddy Walton

Dive ends the first act of the album and serves as Cudi’s goodbye to his fantasy high. The guitar riffs at the beginning of the song is my favorite part and I wish they were made a bigger part of the song. However this song is classic Cudi, I initially thought it was missing something but after listening to it on it’s own a few more times, I feel like this song is absolutely perfect. It’s groovy as fuck and  I think because it kind of ends so abruptly that it leaves a lot to be desired, but that also might have been Cudi’s intent, allowing it to serve as interlude of sorts. I loved the transitional elements through out the song, like when the bass comes in, his adlibs throughout the song and especially the echoing adlibs like, “MOVE, MOVE” “towards the end. It takes a few really good listens to fully enjoy the song as a whole, like it did for me but the more I played the album the more and more I fell in love with it.

6. Damaged ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by MIKE DEAN, Dot Da Genius & Take a Daytrip

I loved the words to this song and the overall message that Cudi was trying to convey throughout the song, but the song itself didn’t do a whole lot for me until I actually found myself in a similar dark place. It’s one of those classic Cudi records that really makes you sit and reflect on your life and everything you’ve gone through, which was exactly what the song did for me. This song is where the album starts to slow down a bit and Cudi sings and raps about his trials and tribulations of being a damaged man and that sometimes his demons still come back and he has to deal with them. A common struggle most of us who’ve ever dealt with feelings of anxiety and depression all know too well.

7. Heaven on Earth⭐ ⭐ ⭐

 Produced by Dot Da Genius, Anthony Kilhoffer & DST The Danger

This song really didn’t do a whole lot for me but what I loved the most about it again, were it’s adlibs. Cudi really showed out with the adlibs on this album and that’s what made this song enjoyable for me. The song for me just sounded too typical to me but even despite that, it’s still a great track to vibe to, just not something I’d put on my favorites.

8. Show Out (feat. Skepta & Pop Smoke) ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius, Anthony Kilhoffer & DST The Danger

Easily one of my favorite tracks on the album, when I first heard this, I completely lost my my shit and it was almost impossible not to turn my entire bedroom upside down. For one beat is absolutely sick and picks the tempo right back up. Cudi, Skepta and Pop Smoke’s voices are infectious together and everyone shines on this song without any one of them over shadowing the other’s performance. Definite a track to rage the fuck out to.

9. Mr. Solo Dolo III ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Kid Cudi, Audio Anthem, Dot Da Genius & Plain Pat

This song is trippy as fuck. From beginning to end this song takes you on an absolutely journey from the chords and the keys and there are no words to describe it. I remember playing this song while I was driving home from work on my scooter at night and man oh man, the vibes this song had was incredible. It made me feel like I was traveling to another galaxy. As a loner, this song really spoke to me and it made me feel like someone else understood exactly how I felt. My favorite part was his scream after the second verse. It made me feel free and liberated and that my feelings in that moment had been validated.

10. Sad People ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius & Take a Daytrip

This song is an absolute vibe. Cudi’s in his bag, back in his zone, as he said and my favorite thing about this song is the chorus. Cudi’s harmonies are absolutely incredible and my favorite part is towards the end of the chorus when the song takes on an eerie west coast like synth and it’s absolutely infectious.It’s like a dark B side to “Cudi Zone” from the first album which is one of my favorite songs by Cudi to this day. It’s songs like this that made Cudi the legendary moon man that he his, in the first place.

11. Elsie’s Baby Boy (flashback) ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by E*Vax, Kid Cudi, Heavy Mellow & Dot Da Genius

This song sounded like a leftover track from “Speedin’ Bullet To Heaven” and despite how much negative criticism that album got, I absolutely love when Cudi dives into his alternative roots and I really hope he decides to dive deeper into it even further at some point. In this song Cudi sings about his relationship with his mother Elsie and his childhood upbringings. By this it in turn gave me flashbacks to my relationship with my grandmother and my childhood memories which all brought back happy and sad moments for me.

12. Sept. 16 ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Emile Haynie, FINNEAS, Plain Pat & Dot Da Genius

What I loved the most about this record was Cudi’s vulnerability. Cudi has a few rare moments on his albums where he actually sings about love and being in love and it’s always great to hear. Cudi’s such a hopeless romantic and I love when he let’s his guard down and expresses his feelings. This song takes me back to “Kitchen” on “Passion, Pain, & Demon Slayin’“ and though I love that song more, this song was definitely cooked in the same pot.

13. The Void ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius, Kid Cudi & MIKE DEAN

The most uplifting song from the album, this song takes me back to some of the vibes from the first album, like his song “Up, Up, and Away”. That was one of the songs in my high school days that made me fully accept myself for who I was, regardless of what people said and this song is just as motivating and uplifting. On the same wave of “Reborn”, Cudi sings about avoiding all negativity on this record and only focusing on the positive. I almost cried towards the end when he thanked us, his fans, for staying with him and never leaving him. It’s a very beautiful song, but I just personally feel like this song should have been the one to end the album or close to end because to me this track is a hard one to follow behind.

14. Lovin’ Me (feat. Phoebe Bridgers) ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by William J. Sullivan, Charlie Handsome, Rami Beatz & Dot Da Genius

It took a little while for this song to set in for me but after it did, it made me want to cry. If you ever struggled with self-love or self-acceptance then this song is for you. What I loved most about this song was the message because it really hit home for me. It’s a beautiful anthem about finding happiness within yourself that I feel a lot of people will relate to.

15. The Pale Moonlight ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by E*Vax, Rami Beatz & Dot Da Genius

Wasn’t feeling this one all too much, but what I loved about it most again, were the adlibs. I loved Cudi’s multiple layering of his vocals throughout the song, especially the “la-la-la-la” parts. The sounds very remiscent to some of Cudi’s earlier music and if you didn’t know any better you’d swear this was a leftover track from “The End Of Day”.

16. Rockstar Knights (feat. Trippie Redd) ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Produced by Jenius, WondaGurl, MIKE DEAN, Dot Da Genius & Take a Daytrip

I’m not a big fan of Trippie Redd but I really fuck with his contributions on this song. This is another song where I really loved the chorus and I also love Cudi’s flow once his verse comes in. Cudi’s wordplay is out of this world on this record and it’s hard not to beat your head as Cudi delivers bar for bar for bar throughout his entire verse. Cudi really shines on this record with his skills as a MC and if Cudi ever felt he had anything to prove as a rapper, he definitely did that here. As the song ends it feels like Cudi just turned the spaceship on hyperdrive and took us along for the ride as he drifted further and further into space- Totally sick.

17. 4 da Kidz ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Produced by WondaGurl, MIKE DEAN, Dot Da Genius, 18YOMAN & Take a Daytrip

A song dedicated to the “kidz” reminding us that we are not alone and this song is another song to vibe out to. With instructions from Cudi, to turn it loud if we need to, this song, on the same frequency as “love.” is another song where Cudi is speaking to us as our big brother and giving us a well needed pep talk. What I loved most about it was Cudi’s vocals on the chorus, especially the way he pronounced the “oo” vowel sounds. It was very reminiscent of a Baltimore accent which I always found comical in the best way which is one of things I love the most about Cudi. He’s not afraid to try different things or pull different things from his various influences despite the genre and on this record, he ties them up beautifully.

18. Lord I Know ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Produced by MIKE DEAN, Dot Da Genius, 18YOMAN & Take a Daytrip

Serving as the closer to the album and the man on the moon trilogy, this song is a classic Cudi hym that tells us that we’re not alone regardless of what we face in life. What I liked most about this song was the message, and that’s why I rate it so highly. In this song Cudi expresses being content with the path he’s on at life and after everything he’s gone through, it makes me happy to finally hear that he’s found peace within himself. The song/album ends with his daughter Vada saying, “To be continued” and I can’t wait to see what Cudi has in store for us next. I just have a strong feeling that all of us Cudi fans are about to eat REAL GOOD.

There’s been a lot said about this album, good and bad but I feel this album is merely a taste of what’s to come. Is this record my favorite? No, but what I can say is that it’s an ALBUM, meaning it’s not a group of songs that you can easily separate like many others. This is the kind of album where you have to play the whole thing all the way through time in and time again to really get what Cudi was trying to convey. It’s not a record that you can just play a few times and be done with, no, it’s a grower. There were a lot of songs on this record that I did not like at first, but after having some time to let them marinate, they became some of my favorites and it made me truly appreciate Kid Cudi as an artist because people don’t make albums like this anymore. There’s rare artists that are this detailed with the way the songs transitions, the interludes, and how copacetic the album is in it’s entirety. This album was truly a gift and I can’t wait to see what else Cudi has left up his sleeve.

                                          Top Favorite Songs

                                                  Another Day

                                                          Dive

                                                Tequila Shots

                                             Rockstar Knights

                                                     The Void

                                              Mr. Solo Dolo III

                                  Listen For Yourself Here!

[im-the-punk-who]

Hi! I’m new to the fandom and I’m simply curious (not trying to start a feud or anything), why don’t you like Steinberg?

Hello dear anon! And welcome to the fandom! 

Oof. That’s a question. xD 

I’m going to try and stay as uh. neutral as possible. Because I’ve already written the post I know I failed but, the intent in answering this is also not to start a feud or hurt anyone’s feelings. 

Okay, so I got fairly negative in this chilis tonight, so I want to start by saying that even in light of the opinions I’m about to express, Black Sails is one of, if not my number one, favorite TV shows of all time. Certainly in recent memory - I’ve been hyperfixating on this show for 18 months with no sign of stopping, and I have a tremendous amount of respect for everyone who worked on the show - even Steinberg. (The one exclusion is Michael Bay, he can go twist.)

AND I think Stienberg is an incredibly talented writer. Black Sails is one of my favorite shows because it does such a wonderful job of weaving stories, creating characters, and melding things in a way that is both unexpected and makes sense narratively. I have changed as a person because of the show, and they will have to pry James McGraw and Thomas Hamilton from my cold dead knives-attached-to-them hands. None of what I’m going to say is meant to detract from that.

I will also say that a lot of these issues are not particular to Steinberg and are in fact a systemic problem with American TV + Film. And I’m not leaving Robert Levine out of my criticism, it’s just that Steinberg had the biggest hand in the pot(he wrote a full half the episodes) and a lot of what I’ve heard as far as talking about the show comes from Steinberg. So, he gets the brunt. But it isn’t that I think Steinberg was the only problematic element of the show. 

Also, these are all my opinions and are colored by how I interact with my fandoms. I am not only a fandom veteran, but I work and pretty much live in the entertainment industry. I work in indie film and theatre and am surrounded by artists and creators of all walks of life, like, constantly. I know what is possible, and when I see something that can be improved, I want to note it because it is important to me to always be striving forward. Like Miranda says about Thomas, this isn’t out of malice, or out of hate. It’s because I genuinely love this show, and I love entertainment as a whole, and I think in order to get to a better, more inclusive industry we have to have hard conversations and look critically at the media we consume, and it is frustrating to me to time and again see the same faces in the room. 

But if that isn’t your cuppa, that’s fine! Fandom isn’t meant to be stressful and if all you want to do is watch a show about gay pirates that is your tomato and I applaud you. Have at it you funky motherfucker.

OH! One more. At some point I’m going to talk about Silverflint. When I do, it is NOT meant as a ‘you shouldn’t/cant ship this’ or ‘this pairing is bad’ or any negative attack on the people who ship that pairing. My criticisms in this post are exclusively about what it means for Steinberg as a writer and Black Sails’ representation of gay and mlm men. While it’s not my cuppa, this is a sail your own ship blog. 

OKAY! SO! 

My main criticisms of Steinberg & Co boil down to:

The homozygosity of the writers and directors shows a complete lack of desire to include marginalized people in the writing of a show that is about them. Which leads to:

The centering of white men while choosing a historical setting and time period that was in fact dominated by people of color and specifically a black woman, 

The gratuitous inclusion of violence against women, particularly sexual violence, and again, that the female characters are often sidelined for the central male characters. 

SO.

Black Sails is a show centered around queer, female, and black leads, and yet there were only two non white-male directors (one bi-racial man and one white woman) and only 7 female writers - one of whom was Latina. The entire rest of the major creative staff was white men. I’m not going to comment on sexualities but none of the writers or directors are out as queer according to a quick google search. 

Let me reiterate the important bit there. 

In Black Sails, where the last two seasons specifically feature around a real, actually-happened-in-history event that shaped black history in the Caribbean, there was not a single black writer on the entire show. 

This is the main difference between inclusion for inclusion’s sake, and actually centering marginalized voices. Black Sails has a ton of gay, POC, and female rep in front of the camera but practically zero representation behind it, which leads to storylines and implications that Steinberg and his writers, as white men, simply would never realize.

It’s like why Silver and Miranda never realized the true reasons James was waging war on England. They just did not have the life experiences to realize they were missing a piece of the puzzle, and so they filled in their own without even realizing they’d done so. 

Because no one in the room of Black Sails was a part of these marginalized identities, nuances get lost or mistranslated, motivations get muddled through a white man’s gaze(or a straight person’s) and implications that someone within those communities might think is obvious won’t even come up.

And again, because there were no writers or directors of color in the last two seasons (the biracial man directed episodes 2x02 and 2x04 - WHICH MAKES SENSE IMO) the entirety of the historical lore that the show bases itself on in its latter half is filtered through a white man’s lens. And so there is no discussion of how changing something changes the meaning, how leaving someone out or changing their role to be more minor might affect people for whom that is their heritage. How the entire story they’re telling might change with one simple exclusion or addition.

So, how does this relate directly to Steinberg, you ask? Well, simply, because it was his show. 

Steinberg(and Levine) were involved in every major decision about the show, from its conception, to the script, to choosing the writers and directors. They chose how they wanted the show to look, to think, what stories to tell and how they wanted to tell them. Their decisions(and the biases that formed those decisions) are woven into the show.

And look. I don’t for a second believe any of this was willful or malicious. I don’t think that John Steinberg and Robert Levine sat down one day and said ‘you know what would make the gays really angry? If we locked the only two canonically gay men up in a prison camp.’

But the decisions that were made in the show were based in ignorance in a way that shows more than just simple negligence or laziness(especially given the attention to detail in everything else). The things they leave out or change in the Maroon War plotline for instance are not small details easily missed. They are big, giant waving flags. They are things that are irreplaceable to still have the same events and stories and tell them respectfully. 

It shows an insane amount of privilege to, for instance, write a show airing during a time when the Black Lives Matter movement was at the forefront of the American conscience, include black characters and black storylines, and yet not include a single black voice on their creative team. 

In a show that centers a gay man’s love and his journey in attempting to process the horrible things done to him and his lover because of it, we are given just forty minutes of the entire show dedicated to their relationship - and just fifteen of those minutes actually feature the lover! 

(Relatedly, the entirety of the gay romantic rep is two kisses, and a forehead touch. That’s the entirety of your gay intimacy representation. And yet there are in the first two seasons alone - because that’s all I’ve clocked so far - something like twenty seven minutes of scenes involving a naked or half naked woman. Five minutes of that is explicitly wlw sex.

Again, I just want to reiterate this because it’s important in recognizing bias. 

There is fully twice as much female nudity in the first two seasons, as the entirety of the time the two gay characters have together on screen. )

Steinberg is a perfect example of how a lack of understanding why the diversity you are representing is important, matters. I dislike Steinberg because he, just like every other straight white cis man I have known, profited off of marginalized voices without including them or creating with them in mind.

Art does not exist in a vacuum. You cannot create something - especially something as back breakingly, intensely a labor of love as Black Sails - without putting several pieces of yourself into it. But those pieces color your narrative. They will expose things about you that you don’t even realize. And it’s in these places we are weakest, and why a diverse group of writers with a diverse group of experiences can help a piece be stronger. But for whatever reason, John Steinberg thought that he could make art with only people who looked and thought and experienced like him. 

The lack of representation behind the camera in Black Sails was evident in front of it and yet Steinberg is out here getting to pretend like he created the most inclusive groundbreaking show that ever existed. It is important to me, personally, to acknowledge that. And that it kind of makes my skin crawl in the way all media made by straight white (cis)men makes my skin crawl. I wish I didn’t have to feel that way about my favorite tv show just because it was created by a man of privilege, but here we are.

SO. I hope that helped? Feel free to take what you want and leave what you don’t! 

Below the cut is a more in depth look at things that I think show what I’m talking about, but that up there ^^ is the gist. <3 |D

SURPRISE!

The Maroons and the Maroon War

So the first thing I want to point out is that the Maroon War was a real thing that happened. It lasted ten years, and resulted in the most substantial victory the Maroons ever achieved against the British. Not only that, there was in fact a KICKIN’ badass female leader of the maroons named Queen Nanny, who is to this day honored as a national hero in Jamaica. While they weren’t able to drive the British out, the outcome of this war led to a mostly self-governing Maroon population in Jamaica from the mid 1700s on. This was a long term fight that had a very tangible and real outcome, even if it didn’t end in the destruction of colonialism. 

And what is this war turned into in Black Sails? A white ‘madman’s revenge’  that is doomed to failure after six months.

That, my dear pirates, is a problem for me. (And those familiar with my brand of spiceyness know that I do not ascribe to the ‘Flint is a Madman’ trope, but that IS what Steinberg ascribes to, what he seems to have written the show thinking.) 

There was no narrative reason to include the Maroon War in the narrative of Black Sails. The Maroon War didn’t happen until a decade after the Golden Age of Piracy, and aside from Silver’s wife being a black woman there is no mention of Silver ever having contact with them. To me, this feels like the choice of a showrunner who found a cool historical event and saw a chance to up the stakes of their white male heroes while getting in some sweet sweet POC rep. 

Except that they then took the major events of the Maroon War and gave them to their white characters, Flint and Silver. 

Here’s the thing. If you’re going to take a piece of culturally important history and use it for your show, you NEED to have sensitivity writers. You need to have people who are at least familiar with those events and who care about them to do them justice. Have an expert come in and read your script or go over your ideas. Or just like. Hire a black writer. Hire ONE black writer. As a treat.

The important Maroon figures, Nanny, Cudjoe, and Quao, all get sidelined or ‘sexified’ and then used as plot points for the white characters. Nanny gets split into two women - the older mother queen and Madi, the young naive warbent visionary. Quao(Mr. Scott is the closest, or Kofi possibly) gets killed off because the writers realized they didn’t exactly have a place for him in their writing. Cudjoe(Julius) gets a few scenes and one good speech but his entire role in the war gets given to Silver. And THEN. That sexy Queen Madi figure gets used as emotional bait for Silver and then has to learn he has betrayed her and destroyed the hope and freedom she had wanted to bring to her people. 

Gross, pirates. Gross.

Anne Bonny/Max/Mary Read - a heads up, this section includes a semi in-depth discussion of both Max and Anne’s sexual assaults. If that bothers you, the paragraphs talking about that begin with a ***

COOL NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT LESBIANS. Words my 20 year old self would never have imagined coming out of my mouth. 

Specifically, I want to talk about Max, and Anne, and their backstories both involving extreme sexual trauma at the hands of men. And then Mary Read and the once again sexification of female characters.

(Actually while I’m here another criticism I have of Steinberg is that his writing does not seem to recognize how queer people existed in the past - again, likely because he didn’t have any gay historians to be like ‘actually buddy that doesn’t make sense also why is Anne not dressing as a man? If you want to fuck with anything and insert modern day terminology and ideas into this show, make her non binary and REALLY piss off the hetties.’)

(This same ficitonal gay dramaturg who is definitely not me has also questioned John Steinberg repeatedly about where Mary Read is, unsatisfied with the answer ‘well we wanted her to be hot so we made her a sex worker and then had Anne have to rescue her but then we realized it would be weird not to include her actual character so we gave her a five second cameo at the very end of the series and also made her like 13.’)

Anyway! So my main point in bringing up Anne and Max is the sexual trauma they are exposed to in the show, particularly being that they are the two primary wlw in the show, who Steinberg has said he views as being completely gay, and what THAT whole unexamined idea looks like. 

***Max. My dear Max. There was literally no reason to have her be repeatedly r*ped(and for the love of god there was even less reason to make it that gratuitous and graphic). Max being assaulted like that did not add anything to the gravity of Eleanor’s betrayal. The traumatic event was being tossed aside by Eleanor, and that could have been just as emotionally damaging without the sexual assault. And the only reason for her to be continually assaulted was to bring her and Anne together. 

***The reason imo that Max’s r*pe plot was added was because it was the only thing these white straight men could come up with that felt emotionally damaging enough to them. The act of betrayal itself wasn’t enough, the act of being thrown away, of having a lover put your life in danger because of her own ambitions wasn’t enough, they needed her to be r*ped to really drive home the point. 

***Anne, on the other hand, is never shown being sexually abused, but we are given an explicit account of her own traumatic history and how Jack saved her from this vile beast who was passing her around to his friends.

But here’s the thing pirates - that never happened. According to every account we have of Anne Bonny, she chose her husband, and married him against her father’s wishes. They were probably relatively happy until her husband started being a pirate spy and Anne started cheating on him with Jack. 

And yes, when they were found out. Her husband had her beat. That’s not fucking cool, and if they really wanted to go the damsel in distress route they still could have had Jack ‘save’ her from that. But at no point was she sexually abused by her husband(at least not in any accounts I’ve read.) 

You know who did likely sexually abuse her or at least manipulate her and Mary for his own benefit? If you guessed our Rat man Jack Rackham, you would be correct, because when he found out about Mary and Anne’s (supposed, but probably real) relationship, it’s implied he extorted both of them into fucking him to keep their secret from the crew. 

The addition of sexual abuse to Anne’s past isn’t done to be true to her character and was in fact explicitly untrue. Now of course I don’t know the reasons why they chose to do this, but I can guess. Just as with Max, the most traumatic thing a male writer can think of for a female character is for them to be sexually abused.

And the most disturbing part of this to me? The parallels it has to the real world of why straight men think lesbians exist. These characters who would be called man haters in present day are given these incredibly traumatic man-centered histories. It brings up something very uncomfortable in me about particularly wlw sexuality being viewed as a reaction to trauma at the hands of men. It’s just gross, I dont like it, and honestly there is no fucking excuse for it besides a room full of white straight men writing this bullshit. A room that Steinberg chose, because they fit his ideas.

In Fact heck, the women of Black Sails in general

***I honestly struggle to think of a single female character who I think was treated fairly in Black Sails. Miranda and Eleanor are killed for taking sides and not understanding their partners, Madi is betrayed in the worst way possible, Max is given a pseudo empowering ending but has that fucking terrible start. Idelle ends off fairly well, but tied to a man she may or may not have any actual feelings for, in what is essentially a political marriage. And Anne has her entire identity tied to a man who will be dead in two years as she is robbed of any agency whatsoever without him. (Oh, and the whole r*pe thing. And also her support for Max’s r*pe or death until she started having fee-fees. Who wrote this stuff. >_>)

Even though the characterization of each and every one of these women is PHENOMENAL - and again I will repeat that I absolutely LOVE these characters as they exist in a vacuum. I think they are well rounded, real, feeling people given motivations and drives and FEELINGS and they SHOW THEIR ANGER and i LOVE THEM. 

But the show punishes them for it. Miranda is essentially fridged to move Flint’s storyline along, and to make room for Silver. Eleanor is killed for the emotional damage it will cause Rogers. Madi is placed at the center of a conflict she explicitly says she is willing to die for and then not only is her entire cause taken from her, but when she tells Silver to fuck off he - in possibly the most predictable white man move ever - says ‘no i will stay until you change your mind. I will never leave you. I don’t care about your choice in this matter, I will wait forever for you. I’m your biggest fan. I’ll follow you until you love me. papa, - paparazzi.’ 

And I touched on this before, but I want to talk in more detail about what is possibly my hottest take to date, the sexification of Mary Read and Queen Nanny, as they are presented in the show. 

Max is to Anne what Mary Read is, historically. She is the lover that Jack Rackham discovers with Anne, and then he joins them in their bed. They form a triumvirate that upholds Jack at the expense of the women. But for some reason, Steinberg didn’t want to just include Mary Read as an actual character. For some reason he needed to make Anne’s love interest a sex worker who was in need of saving (and who, coincidentally, we never see working the brothel after she becomes lovers with Anne, because she is now a madam. :) Gross.)

And Madi. My dear sweet fucking Madi who didn’t fucking deserve any of this bullshit send tweet. 

So, historically, Queen Nanny was the Queen, spiritual advisor, and the military tactician of the Windward Maroons. She would have filled both Madi and the Queen’s character roles(and Flint’s, but who’s counting. A BLACK GAY LEAD? Inconceivable. I digress.) But, I guess, because they were wishy-washing with Silver’s sexuality or felt they needed to give him a female love interest because of Treasure Island, or because they were leaning a bit too hard into the gay shit and needed to backpedal, they took Queen Nanny and split her into a character who is for all intents and purposes powerless in the war and Madi, who is young and naive and does not have any real world experience outside of the Maroon camp.

Because that’s sexy, or something. They could have had the Maroon Queen be a fucking badass lady who works and fights alongside Flint and Silver and one ups them and teaches them shit and has her own ideas about where the British can stick it, but instead they made her into the perfect caricature of a female monarch, letting the big strong men handle the dirty work or something. Because white male power fantasies. 

Just let women be powerful and not nubile and let them have character arcs over fucking thirty and let them be CENTERED in their own. fucking. narratives. 

God damnit Steinberg.

James Flint, mlm extraordinaire

Oh, my love. My most amazing child. The light of my life. My purest cinnamon roll. 

~~And now we’ve come to the dreaded Silverflint criticism part of our programming. Please please know and remember this isn’t a criticism of people who ship Silverflint. As I said up top, Your Tomato Is Not My Tomato and that’s cool. Please don’t take this next part as an attack on Silverflint as a fandom ship.~~

My criticism of Steinberg as it relates to Flint is related to:

What a romantic/sexual relationship with Silver being the basis of the tension and plot means for Flint in particular as a gay or mostly mlm man. 

Refusing to confirm Thomas and James being alive at the end and honestly the whole finale in general but like I’ll try and focus.

The major problem I have with Silver and Flint being coded as in love with each other is the implications there in terms of gay men’s relationships to other men. 

From every corner, men are inundated with the idea that any close relationship between them must be gay. That intimacy cannot exist unless there are sexual feelings involved. That a relationship cannot be close, deep and soul shattering and life altering, unless one guy secretly(or not so secretly) wants to bone the other dude. That two men cannot value each other as partners or friends or truly know each other unless they are gay.

Seeing both of the meaningful relationships Flint forms with other men be sexually coded feels a bit the same way as Anne and Max’s sexual assault plotlines does vis-a-vis being wlw. (Even with Gates, Flint never spoke about Thomas or his plans - Silver is absolutely the closest person to Flint besides Thomas and Miranda.) And this is just as true for Silver. Having both Flint and Madi - the two people he trusts - both be people he’s in love with also just feels. I don’t know. 

It feels like a confusion between male intimacy and male love that is so so familiar to me as a gay man I could choke on it. Where they wanted these men to have a deep and really lasting connection, but could only figure out how to do it if they were in love. Friendship wouldn’t have been enough - only romantic and sexual love is enough for the gay man(or men, at all).

Just because it isn’t queerbaiting doesn’t mean it’s good rep, and I would have liked to see truly deep male friendships that did not center on sexual attraction - particularly for Flint as a confirmed mlm(and Silver too, if you’re counting him. The same arguments for why I dislike Flint being paired with Silver are also true in the reverse.) 

Even if both Flint and Silver were confirmed mlm I still would have LOVED to see a platonic relationship between them. In fact I would have loved that EVEN MORE. Men! Who fuck men! Not needing to fuck each other to be important to one another! Who made this. Very delicious. 

But because there weren’t any queer writers on the show, writers who understand this kind of struggle that gay and mlm men face, they thought ‘oh, let’s also have them be in love with each other. More gay rep is better gay rep, right?’ False. THOUGHTFUL gay rep is better gay rep.

Okay and here’s my last thing. The fact that Steinberg refuses to say whether or not the explicitly mlm men are alive at the end of the show - that the words he specifically uses are ‘up for interpretation’ is. Fuck, it’s gross, okay? It’s fucking gross. 

I have been around enough men, enough people in power, enough people with leverage who also know how to play the field, to know that when someone wants a group’s support but does not agree with them, their go to phrasing is that it is ‘up for debate’ or ‘up for interpretation.’

Say the gays are alive. Steinberg refusing to acknowledge the reality of the ending of his show to maintain his own sense of artistic integrity is what, honestly, really sets me off about him and I don’t care if this is a nuanced take.

Like yes, death of the author. I honestly don’t care if he thinks they’re dead or alive. What I care about is that he thinks he can get away with being clever and leaning hard into a story is true/untrue’ - doesn’t realize what the implications of that are, and didn’t when he was writing, and didn’t have anyone else in the room who would think about it either. 

ANYWAY. So this is....my long drawn out explanation for why I do not like Steinberg. Uhhhhh tune in next week for more of my totally unpopular opinions!

[nothinbutblueskieshere]

Surprises

Summary: You surprise Harry at one of his concerts when he thinks you can’t make it.

“I have to head on stage for a quick sound check now, love.” You fake a groan of disappointment as you exit the hotel room you had just checked into a few hours ago. While Harry thinks you are still at college finishing up your semester, you are actually at his current tour stop, ready to surprise him the way he has done for you many times before. “I miss you, lovie,” he says, a hint of sadness detectable in his tone.

“I miss you so much, Har. Try not to dwell too much on it tonight, though. Go give this performance everything you’ve got.” You were not one to tell Harry to ‘get over it’, seeing as you are experiencing first hand how difficult being in a long distance relationship is. When all of your friends get to be with their significant others anytime they want, you don’t. In addition to that, there are always factors that go into place with your and Harry’s relationship; time zones, travel plans, show times, events he goes to, your classes, etc. So, as much as you loved hearing Harry tell you how much he desired to be close to you again, you had to play it cool so that you didn’t give any of your plans away. “I love you much, go kill it tonight.” 

After he said an ‘I love you’ back and hung up the phone, it was almost as though the clock was running and you needed to get your plan in action as fast as possible. Within moments of standing outside waiting for Jeff to pick you up, he was there. You hopped in the car in what felt like record time and the two of you were off toward whatever venue Harry was performing at tonight. You and Jeff make a bit of small talk and he asks about school, your family, and makes sure that you are doing okay. He knows, from Harry’s point of view, that it is not always easy for the two of you, especially because your relationship is not public knowledge. 

Harry had been clear with his concerns since the beginning of your relationship. One, he did not want to feel as though your relationship was being rushed by announcing things early one. Two, he, quite frankly, did not want outside influence on any aspect of it. He wanted something and someone in his life that was not set up by management or publicists, not constantly under public scrutiny, and somewhere he could just be normal. So three years ago when the two of you met by complete chance and luck in a hotel elevator, he was prepared to take any means necessary to keep your relationship peaceful, allowing you to still live a normal(ish) life. The last thing he was concerned with was negativity. Struggling with some of the hate he gets himself is hard enough, which is why he never wants to expose you to that. He loves how loyal his fans are and he loves them with everything he has, but it kills him whenever they attack anyone they think could be a love interest in his life. He knows that you struggle with anxiety, depression, and he knows that you are very critical of your own flaws, and he just doesn’t want to see anyone making you feel any worse when all he ever does is work to make you more confident in yourself.

Jeff pulls into a spot near the tour buses at the back of the venue, where you see fans lined up, waiting to maybe spot a glimpse of the beautiful man you get to call yours. You put up the hood on the hoodie that Jeff hands you and follow him into a back entrance. He hands you a ticket to the pit area and gives you all the necessary directions to get you where you need to go. The plan is for you to be in the crowd and surprise him after the show, which lets you get to see him in his element, one of your favorite things in the world.

Once you are in your spot and staring up at the stage your boyfriend will walk onto in just moments, it all sets in and becomes real. Until now, it was just a plan, but now it is actually happening. The nerves and jitters of excitement are too much to contain and the feeling of wanting to cry of happiness is found in the back of your throat and tears welling up in your eyes. When he walks out onto the stage, in his stunning suit, though, you are awestruck. He looks stunning. To see the curves of his face, the rings on his fingers, the gentle way he holds his guitar, and his smile are the things you haven’t been able to see in months through a screen. He’s right there, feet away, yet still oblivious to the fact that you are right in front of him. 

It isn’t until he reaches down for a water break in between ‘She’ and ‘Sweet Creature’ when he finally sees you. It is like a fire is lit off inside you just to be seen by him again. It’s just you two -- and the thousands of other screaming fans. “No fucking way,” he says into the microphone, never dropping his gaze. A smile lights up his face so big you think it probably hurts. You mouth a ‘surprise’ and smile just as big. “You’ve got to be fuckin’ joking with me. This is not real right now.” He runs a hand through his hair as he tries to contain his excitement. All around you are sounds of confusion, wondering what has the Harry Styles at a loss for words. 

“I heard you missed me!” You yell up to him, having no idea if he will actually be able to hear you, seeing as you are still a bit of distance away. Any insecurities or nerves that you felt before are gone and replaced by the overwhelming feeling of love, just from his gaze. 

“You’re damn right, I did. You sneaky little minx.” By this point people around you know that he is talking to you and are confused and freaking out that you know him. “I guess now is a good time to tell,” he shrugs as he quizzes your face for any signs of doubt or concern. You simply nod your head and give him a thumbs up to tell him it is okay. “Well, okay then. I know there has been a lot of speculation in regards to if I have a girlfriend or not. I do. She’s here. She managed to surprise me, which I am more than amazed by, just like everything else she does. (Y/N), give them all a little wave as we head into ‘Sweet Creature’, which was written about you, my love.” 

A blush rises to your cheeks as you take in this moment, this man, and this irrevocable love you feel for him. He begins playing the song you are all too familiar with and the world around you falls away. He’s singing it to you and fills the stadium with a sense of calm, of love, and of happiness. Everything he wants to say to you right now is said through his music and that’s enough. In fact, it is perfect. During a pause in the song, he doesn’t hesitate to mouth “I love you so much”, which sends butterflies into your stomach the way they always do. It doesn’t matter what is going on around you or the way fans are screaming for your love, the only person that matters is Harry. The show finishes and you are led backstage to Harry’s dressing room, where you wait patiently on the couch. Okay… you are not exactly patient. In fact, you can’t sit still because you are so excited. Your hands run up and down your leggings at a quick pace to calm the nerves and you begin to do a little pace across the room, waiting (not so) gracefully for your reunion with Harry. 

Finally, after what feels like forever, you can hear his voice coming closer and closer outside the dressing room door. He is talking to a crew member who is congratulating him on a great show. Even though Harry loves getting to know literally everyone, you can hear him rush the conversation a bit so that he can come and find you. He thanks the man again and the door knob begins to turn. You freeze in place as it swings open to reveal a sweaty, beautiful man. There is no hesitation for either of you when you all but run to each other, holding the other as close as humanly possible, neither wanting to ever let go. This is it. This is what makes the months apart, the 4 a.m. phone calls, the feeling lonely, all of it -- worth it. You are consumed by the feel of his muscles around you, holding you as tight as he can. 

“I missed you so much, (Y/N). I can’t believe you’re actually here.” 

“Well, believe it, babe. I couldn’t go any longer without seeing you in person.” He nods as he takes your face in his calloused hands and kisses you the way he always does when he first sees you after a long time. It’s the type of kiss that makes your toes curl, shivers go down your spine, and butterflies fill your stomach. It is the kind of kiss that makes it worth the wait. He is worth the wait. “I love you so much, Har.” 

“You have no idea how much I love you, too.”

[todororororokiy]

Voltron is trending so here’s how I’d remake Voltron: Legendary Defender

I’d like to preface this with a few things 1) I loved season 1 and 2, I was a die hard Voltron fan from the second I started watching, and while I had issue with season 3-6 I was ok with them 2) I never watched season 8 and I only watched half of 7. From what I hear, this was a good decision 3) I spent six hours straight working on this, so I apologise for any spelling mistakes or errors 4) None of this belongs to me.

Ok, basic setup is the same except for one thing, Shiro is aged down. It never made sense to me to have Shiro be 25, and the rest of them be 15-18, it seemed like a very big gap, and as we can see from Fandom it caused a lot of discourse. So every bodies aged as such, just for reference:

Shiro: 20

Allura: 22

Keith: 18

Lance & Hunk: 17

Pidge: 16

One more note, all seasons would be about 11-13 episodes long. It has never made sense to me why four of the eight season were 6-7 episodes and the rest were a normal length.

Season 1 & 2

Both of these seasons were great. Voltron was a really good show for these first seasons. There’s nothing to change here.

Season 3

Plot Changes

Nonoe at the moment. There would be more scenes added and obviously some scenes would be altered but over all the plot is intact.

Shiro’s Disappearance

In this version everyone has a different opinion on Shiro's disappearance, I never felt like they did in the show.

Keith, obviously, thinks he’s alive and so does Pidge.

Hunk and Coran remain doubtful, though they each have a little hope, Coran more so than Hunk

Allura and Lance both think the worst. Side note: this is where we see Lance and Allura properly transition from slightly awkward coworkers to friends. Their shared grief and angst helps them bond and open up a route for them to start communicating. They kind of got over him being a creep reallysuddenly, and that doesn’t happen, even if he had stopped the behaviour, I think she’d take some time before she allowed him to be her friend.

Pidge and Her Family

Pidge is super isolated in the original show. While her arc, I felt, was about trusting the team and leaning on them more for support. To come out of her shell, and be defined by something greater than her family and love for technology.

In this version everyone wants to help find Matt and Dr. Holt. Having her connect with the team by them wanting to help, and especially them wanting to help in the wake of Shiro’s disappearance feels like a logical move. Everyone’s devastated about Shiro one way or another, and they want to see Pidge get her family back. It brings the team members hope for Shiro.

Lion Swapping and My Many Issues with it

the lion swap should have been temporary. Something they had to do but would try to avoid as much as possible.

Originally everyone wants Allura to pilot Black. She’s their commander and so should take up the mantle of leader. But black refuses her entry.

In this version everyone in the team says that they’re making do with what they have. That Allura is their commander of their operation, Shiro their leader. We see in this episode there’s almost a bit more of an understanding between the paladins, we seen that each has grown to see one another for the person they are rather than the person they initially thought they were.

We see struggle both in the team as they can’t make voltron, and having no real commander as Allura’s been forced to pilot the Blue lion. We also see a major issue arise because Allura CANNOT connect with blue. Keith, Allura and Lance can fly in them, but they can’t unlock any of their elemental powers. It’s impossible. We see through this season moment where ice or fire or teleportation might be useful but the paladins have to find ways around it because of this handicap. The emphasise that the lion swap isn’t something to be taken lightly and is a real issue.

Lance and Feelings of being Inferior

Lance feels like he’s he’ll never match up to Keith throughout this season as Keith has started to prove that he’s more of a leader than Lance has.

Because lance’s friendships with everyone have deepened, they start to  encourage him a bit more, be more supportive towards him.

We see Lance stand up for himself as well when Hunk and Pidge make comments about his intelligence that actually really hurt him, we see them being surprised, but then they profusely apologise and say they were joking, we see an absence of said jokes after this point. This helps build Lance’s self esteem a little

Keith and Lance’s friendship also has room to breath as Keith is y’know, around, and not off with the blade. Through this friendship Lance comes to realise Keith isn’t all perfect and that he might be holding himself up to unrealistic expectations, though he still doubts himself a lot

The Clone Plot Line/The Lance and Shiro Plot Line

The clone plot line? Loved that soooooo much, it could’ve been so good, we could’ve had so much interesting stuff, and we did, The Black Paladins is fantastic, but they did nothing else, and I feel like even in that episode the clones were set dressing.

There was also the issue of Lance breaking down into tears in season six. What was that? He didn’t have the emotional connection to Shiro I felt the show was implying he did. We’re gonna fix that.

We see Lance and Shiro become closer friends while he’s a clone.

Clone Shiro is a lot more vulnerable and less guarded with his emotions than original Shiro was, and a little more willing to joke and be more lenient, even if this can also back fire when he explodes into fits of rage.

This allows everyone to get closer to him, but especially Lance, who I feel up until this point was just always at a weird point in his relationship with Shiro where they were friends, but Lance got the impression Shiro didn’t like him a whole lot and Shiro got the impression Lance found him very intimidating and scary, and had zero idea how to deal with this.

Keith and Leadership

Keith’s time as a leader helps teach him some things and really gets the ball rolling on showing the audience that he can be a leader even if he initially struggles  

season 4

Plot Changes

Keith floats between the Blade and Voltron for maybe an episode of two.

Everyone is convinced that once Shiro can fly black, things can go back to normal.

After returning from a mission the castle ship gets attacked and everyone runs to their lions. Allura and Lance pipe up over the comms on their helmets that they can’t access Blue or red. Lance runs to see if he can convince Blue to stop being like this

Meanwhile Keith has a talk with Coran and comes to the realisation that he wants to be apart of the team while Pidge, Hunk and Shiro try to deal with the threat themselves. He gets the message from Allura who comes running into the room saying they can’t access red. Lance was able to get into blue however. Keith rushes off with his mind decided, he hears red in his mind. They form voltron for the first time since shiro’s disappearance.

Everyone’s helping Pidge look for her father and brother and at the start of an episode we get a scene of them all discussing some potential clue while they train.

The episode where Pidge finds her brother follows the same outline, but everyone’s there helping her. However the really emotional scenes ie the graveyard scene and later on when they’re reunited, take place with only Pidge and Matt so the moment isn’t ruined

Instead of Keith discovering the trap at the end of the season, it’s Allura as Keith is with the Voltron team on the planet, trapped.

Shiro gives some “this isn’t the end of the line” speech and talks about how they’ve all connect more over the past few months, and they’ve become a real family and nothing can change, even if it all ends here. That causes the others to all connect with their lions on a deeper level, and it helps them raise out of the field, but only a little. Then Shiro asks black to trust him, to put her faith in him once again. He tells her he knows somethings wrong with him, that he doesn’t know how to fix it. That what they did to him was terrible- and she flashes something in his mind telling him off for such negative thoughts and they connect. Voltron rises.

Keith, Conflict, and Starting to become a Leader

The season begins with Keith still struggling to decide how to spend him time. We see more of this struggle, that starts in this episode. He’s trying to spend as much time with Voltron and as much time with The blade as he can.

He feels connected to the blade due to his heritage and believes somehow he’ll be able to find some sense of family. But he’s more connected to his team and Voltron. We, as an audience, know that he’s already found his family in Voltron at this point.

We also see everyone deeply worrying and missing him. With frequent calls and messages exchanged back and forth between everyone and Keith. He feels this worry and doesn’t know what to do, because for the first time in his life he has a family that cares about him.

As the season goes on we see Keith prove himself as a leader without being the leader of Voltron. When Shiro’s incapacitated we see him take charge and guide everyone.

One particular moment would be Keith having to command a group of alien soldiers, and get them all to follow him and help fight off some Galra from their planet. In this we see Keith struggle slightly to control everyone, before he gets the hang of it and leads everyone to victory and safety.

The Clone Plot Line

Because Shiro is a clone he cannot access the black lion. This is sort of implied to be because she knows he’s a clone and refuses to let him in because his quintessence is screwed up.

Lance and Shiro are seen to confide in each other a lot, and Shiro tells Lance things he feel he can’t tell anyone else, even Keith, for fear they’ll worry too much.

We see the start of Shiro’s headaches in this season, and Lance helps soothe them.  

Shiro does eventually access the black lion, but only because of some hard core begging and Keith being back

When we see Haggar we realise she’s spying on the paladins through Shiro. Some way or another we also learn that they were able to make this clone using DNA samples from Shiro amputated arm that they preserved.

The audience can also come to the conclusion that the reason Shiro gets a headache’s is because of Haggar looking through his eyes.

Pidge’s Family

Pidge gets a lot of clues about her family and the team helps her track down Matt and Dr. Holt.

We see a lot of team bonding over this as they try to break down clues and discover where they are, and how to get to them.

The whole arc surrounding her brother and father is a little more in depth.

As this arc goes on in this season we also see Pidge being to come to see the other paladins as her family. Pidge is the last one to have this realisation and it really solidifies them as a family unit

The team all have a really sweet moment where Pidge announces that she’s glad she had the help of her family to help find her brother.

Lotors motivation: what are they?

Before we get into the next four season, I’d like to specify Lotor’s motivations, and the reasons behind why he does what he does.

Lotor is troubled. He was abused as a child. His parents were corrupted and evil, and there was nothing he could do about. He suffered greatly emotionally and physically when they raised him. He was desperate to please them.

As he grew and tried to both find a balance between acquiring large supplies of quintessence and keeping the local people of the planets they were mining happy, he was punished for these digressions. He became angry, and started to hate the Galra. Blaming them for everything wrong in the universe. Believing that without them his parents would not be like this.

Lotor wants to bring back Altea, he comes to believe that they’re absence in the universe has caused the Galra to take over. He thinks they’ll be able to undo, and fix everything bad in the universe. The problem is, there aren’t a lot left of them. There are a few, scattered, and hunted down by the empire and eventually all will be caught. It scares him and when Altea was destroyed, along with millions of Alteans so easily.

Lotor realises he can no longer try to convince his father and mother that what they’re doing in wrong. He decides to make the colony to protect the remaining Alteans. To hide them away in a far, far off planet in an odd section of space the Galra don’t have interest in.

He comes to learn of alternate realities and ways to reach through and get to them. He believes, and in his mind he knows, that what he has to do is find some reality where Alteans are the ruling class, and not any Alteans, these Alteans, the version that existed just before Altea was destroyed. He won’t bring all of them over, just some, slowly and efficiently until there’s enough to defeat the Galra empire and bring back peace to the galaxy.

Lotor comes to realise the sheer amount of power this will require however, and comes to a dark realisation. He harvests some of the Alteans for their quintessence. Because the ends justify the means. He will bring peace and harmony to the universe if it’s the last thing he does. Even if it means a few sacrifices.

Back to our scheduled programming

season 5

Plot Changes

Keith is still with the team.

Zarkon doesn’t die in the second episode of the season. Cause what was that. Like seriously.

Allura and Keith are the first to like and trust Lotor for different reasons

Everyone else is far more sceptical. They still don’t trust Lotor. He seems sketchy.

The team have more direct encounters with Zarkon and a lot of different fractions of the Galra empire this season due to Lotor. While the Galra all unquestionably follow Zarkon.

Many Galra say that Lotor “has all the thirst for power that Zarkon does, all the thirst for quintessence but none of the courage to stand up and take it” which paints him in a better light as they all interpret this to mean he’s not anywhere near as cruel as Zarkon.

We see in a sort of one off shot of them post saving a planet that Shiro still cannot figure out what’s wrong with him, while Lance tells him that there isn’t anything wrong with him. A shallow comfort as they both at this point don’t believe that.

The blade offer Keith a mission right before the battle where Zarkon dies, a mission to do with something important, and is too take place after their current mission. Keith believes it may be his mother, and Lotor and the team pushes Keith to take the chance. He doesn’t want to leave the team but Lotors words about seeing his mother for what she truely is. Lotor means this in a really sinister way we later find out. Keith asks Red to once again give her command to Lance and both Blue lion and red accept the changes.

Zarkon dies at the end of this season, a fight between Lotor and him, we see a lot of emotion, and tense fighting. Zarkon dies to his son.

Pidge’s Family

The whole thing with Pidge’s father remains, and so does going back to earth. It’ll take a long time, but Pidge’s father feels he doesn’t belong here the same way his children do. He’ll be back, they’ll see each other again some day soon.

Alongside this we get the confirmation that Pidge really does feel that the team is her family just as much as Matt, and her parents are.

The Clone

On the Shiro front, he feels terrible, things have only gotten worse for him, he feels completely unlike himself.

Because of the severity of his headaches, the team puts him in the healing pods a few times, but they do nothing, everyone is worried.

Lance especially had a few fears as he hears more and more worrying information from Shiro about nightmares he keeps suffering. Shiro asks him not to tell anyone.

While Shiro doesn’t tell even Lance, we the audience learn of his illness and his ex boyfriend and the issues that arose because he wanted to go to space.

Keith, Galra Heritage and Leadership

Keith warms to Lotor surprisingly quickly. He finds comfort in talking with someone like Lotor about his Galra heritage. Lotor is half Galra, and while the rest of the paladins are supportive. They don’t understand it in the way Keith believes Lotor understands it

While Keith does hear some worrying comments from Lotor, he ignores them, as he doesn’t want to lose this connection.

We see Keith act more as a leader this season as well, with him again leading planets of aliens, and at a few points, Voltron when Shiro’s headaches incapacitate him

Lance and Self Esteem

Through this season we see Lance come into himself a little more. As per the last season he’s been more honest with everyone and it’s made him happier

We also see Lance realise he doesn’t really want to be a big leader like Shiro and Keith. That while he can, he doesn’t want to. He prefers taking a step back. In this realisation he becomes a lot more confident in himself as the teams sharpshooter, something everyones been calling him since season one. His gun transforms into a sniper rifle with this realisations and he and the team are amazed.

being back in blue also helps reaffirm this as he and blue continue to power up together.

Allura and Lotor’s Developing Relationship

Allura warms to Lotor after some initial hesitation, as she comes to believe he wants the same thing as her, the return of a peaceful time, and harmony in the universe. He wants desperately to find some way to restore the universe and they bond and develop genuine romantic feelings.

Allura and Lotor start sorta dating in this season towards the ending, before everything goes to shit, and he slowly begins to want to reveal his true plan to her.

We also see Lotor’s many conflicting emotions surrounding his father. Him killing Zarkon at the end of the season serves to cement Lotor as a good guy to everyone, and a symbolic way of freeing him from his past.

Side note: the monsters and mana episode takes place in this season before Keith leaves and things take a nose dive into serious business

Season 6.

Plot Changes

This season begins with Voltron fighting a small army of Galra fighters.

Many Galra, in preparation for the Kral Zera, have started to prepare their armies and followers so they can take over the Galra empires at the kralzera

Lotor, with the help of Voltron takes his “rightful” place as ruler, this is because, while Shiro and Lance are still a little skeptical all the other have at least become friendly.

This season follows the paladins as they attempt to be Voltron while Keith is out on a long mission. They miss him, and just like at the beginning of season 3, we see a litany of messages and texts, and voicemails and a few videos sent to him. Even though they don’t get a response. The blade informs the team that Keith will not be able to contact them for some time. The team continues to message him in spite of this.

Lance dies. Lance fucking dies and everyone has a major freak out and there is visible grief and horro among the paladins. Allura brings him back much to everyone’s relief.

we see a lot of angry aliens in this, both over the fact they’re siding with Lotor and over the fact they’re not doing anything immediate

After they come out of the quintessence field, Lotor reveals his true plans to her. She’s horrified and disgusted, much to his chagrin and takes off in one of the Sincline ship.

At the same time as Allura is having this moment, so too are the paladins. Keith has returned with his mother, and an Altean to back up his story Shiro starts having a progressively major headache as time goes on, Lance tries to comfort him.

Allura does manage to get back to the castle of lions. In tears she tells everyone what they already know and they all share a moment of shock before Allura frantically says that Lotor was right behind her.

Shiro’s programming activates and he knocks everyone out and takes Lotor.

The black paladins is a great episode. It’s the same episode in this version. Everything else after this episode stays the same too. It’s pretty good. I’d like to note, Voltron didn’t fail because it couldn’t hit these big emotional beats. It failed because it could never hit the small ones.

The Clone  

While dead, Lance sees Shiro.

Not for the first time, he worries that maybe the Shiro on his team has a point about feeling different.

Shiro and Lance have a moment where Lance is telling him as Shiro is breaking down to “look at me,” to try and give him a grounding spot, and then in this moment Shiro looks away and Honerva’s programming comes through. He knocks out everyone and we get a shot of Lance looking crushed by the realisation, he starts to cry.

Keith, Galra Heritage and Leadership

We see, just as we do in the original show, a lot of time with Keith’s mother

Keith is incredibly conflicted on her return. For one, he wants answers and she seems incredibly unwilling to provide any at all, but on the other hand he’s so great full to have her in his life.

Keith and his mother eventually talk

Keith finds himself feeling guilty about missing his team. Worried and concerned for them, and how they’re coping in the power vacuum caused by Zarkon death.

We again see Keith be a leader with far less effort now. Instead of struggling where he had before, we see Keith take being a leader in stride. Even on one of the smaller planets they pass, helping organise so that food can be brought more easily, and aiding with fending off a particularly nasty creature that has been pestering them.

Keith over this trip gets many lessons about the Galra, and finds comfort in the knowledge, event he parts he can’t stomach. It brings him some closure on this part of his life he’s been yearning to understand for years.

Lance and the Red lion

Throughout the season, we see being in the red lion, and Keith’s absence chip away at Lance a little.

He begins to once again doubt himself and compare himself to Keith.

We also see Shiro help Lance the same way Lance has been helping him for the past couple of season. With support and guidance and helping Lance once again realise he’s his own person

before Lance can truely again be confident in himself, the whole thing with the clone blows up in his face and he’s forced to suffer the consequences.

Conflict in the team

Throughout this season we see the dilemma of what they should be doing versus what they are doing. To many it seems that they are doing nothing, while behind the scenes there’s a lot of stuff going on, coordinating between multiple governments, and a lot of smaller battles occurring that few see or hear of as they don’t require Voltron.

The paladins mostly believe they should be striking a balance, but Allura and Lotor keep attempting to convince them that what they’re doing is sufficient. It frustrates the team to no end.

We see how Lotor manipulates each of them through this season too, more obviously as the audience has at this point been let on that he’s doing something bad.

However we also see Lotor very pointedly not talk about anything hinting at his real plans in front of Shiro, letting the audience know that Lotor knows something is wrong with him.

Allura and Lotor

Lotor and Allura are very close at this point. They have shared their relationship with the team, and  Lotor believes she will side with him if he tells her.

Instead Allura is disgusted by what he’s been doing and tries to get away from him. She fundamentally disagrees with what he’s been doing.

Season 7

Plot Changes

Shiro’s new body doesn’t reject him

the lions are depleted of power. They’re recharging slowly according to Allura, thanks to the strong bonds the paladins share, but it’s unlikely they’ll be fully charged any time soon.

Eveyrone’s depressed and having a lot of feelings of betrayal about Lotor and mixed feelings about the fact they’ve been living with a clone for a long, long time and they had no idea.

Shiros death does a singular good thing. Shiro is more connected with Black then ever. He can now teleport

The whole scene where Keith fights Macidus is with Shiro and it shows them being back insync after being a little lost with each other.

They all find out it’s been three years. In that time Lotor has ruled fiercely, demanding the quintessence mines across the galaxy be drained as quickly as possible. Why? Because of the stunt Voltron pulled three years ago, he can no longer access the quintessence field.

Hunk off Handedly remarks that Keith could be the new ruler of the Galra empire. Keith scoffs.

The flight home takes about half the season.

Through this half season they find a few things out. One is that the rebels have splintered and lost a lot of communication between groups since Voltron disappeared. Two they learn that Lotor found the location of earth. Three Lotor has a high, high price on their heads, far higher than even Zarkon has put upon them.

The paladins eventually all come together as a team, and become even further connected and that charges the lions enough that Shiro can create a wormhole far closer to earth.

They find nothing

This horrifying realisation comes accompanied by a signal from Matt Holt who has a specific bot designed to responds only to Voltron. Lance helps Pidge get it.

The next episode is going to find Matt.

There’s a teary reunion between the two of them and they find a massive colony of those who fled earth when they realised it was to be destroyed when Lotor was attempting to find Voltron, and flew into a rage when they were not there.

Everyone’s family is safe as they were some of the first taken from earth. They have a reunion.

Shiro gets parents, and an older brother (because I did notice the show gave him any biological family) and also gets to see Adam. While it’s still Cleary over, both men get closure, and are happy to see one another alive.

The season from now focuses on Voltron sorting out the coalition and trying to organise everything.

They contact the blade and begin preparing on how to defeat Lotor.

They find some of the blade, but as previously mentioned in the series many were killed in the three years they were away. However they do find a lot of very disempowered Galra soldiers who have been treated awfully by Lotor.

Lotor discovers their alive, and makes a very public announcement that anyone supporting Voltron will be destroyed.

The season ends in a semi big battle between Lotor and the paladins, one on one in a large mech only he pilots.

Both parties are wounded.

The Clone

Everyone feels awful and has no idea what to do

Shiro too feels pained. He has all the memories of the clone in his mind, and he doesn’t know what to do with them. How to sort through them

Lance out of all of them feels the worst as he was the closet to Shiro out of all of them. He believes should’ve seen something and starts to beat himself up over it.

Hunk and Pidge both feel they should’ve done something, or noticed, though Pidge is much more torn up about it. With Hunk knowing that none of them realised and it’s unreasonable that he would’ve any sooner than this.

Keith is shocked and hurt, and worried about Shiro first and foremost. He reassures Shiro that while it may not have been him, the clone acted like Shiro for the most part, a little more personable, but the real Shiro.

Lance and Self esteem

Due to his failure to pick up that Shiro was a clone, Lance begins questioning everything that Shiro ever told him as a clone.

He questions his whole self worth and no one can seem to help him out of the whole he’s emotionally digging for himself.

While recovering Shiro notices this, however, they keep getting interrupt before Shiro and Lance can have a proper talk

Keith kicks a little sense into him and they have a pretty heartfelt conversation which helps Lance a little, but he still can’t shake the feeling someone else would’ve seen it and sorted out the issue sooner.

Lance gets the blue lion back and she talks some sense into him, and tells him he shouldn’t be so hard on himself, it kicks a little sense into him, but again, he still feels terrible and he feels like Shiro’s been avoiding him.

Keith and Leadership

Shiro tells Keith, while still recovering that he’ll be able to take over pretty soon and fly the black lion.

Keith is actually disappointed this time round and feels instantly ashamed because it is Shiro’s lion and they have a great bond.

We come to learn that Keith quite enjoyed the small amount of time her led the team and found he wanted to keep being a leader.

Keith through this season connects to many Galra soldiers and people. He comes to find understanding with them now that he knows about his culture. Many joking comments he should be running the empire.

Season 8

Plot Changs

This season is filled with small battles, and lots of talks with previous allies.

Allura becomes the commander of the Atlas and enlists several humans and other aliens alike to help her command the ship side by side with Voltron. They become a formidable force.

They begin to fight Lotor’s forces in an attempt to bring him down by weakening his army thought they quickly discover he’s dug up enormous amounts of quintessence somehow.

Lotor should become more enraged and mounts larger attacks upon them, yet he doesn’t worrying everyone.

We then discover with the team that with their return so too had the return of the alternate universes, and Lotor was planning on using all the energy he harvested.

No one knows what happened to the Altean colony, and Allura and Coran, unsurprisingly, seem most torn up about. They both hope that it’s safe, and Lotor was more obsessed with his need to preserve the few Alteans he did have if he could never get more.

The team comforts both of their friends through this best they can but they start to realise it’ll be hard to stop Lotor.

Lotor does end up ripping huge holes in the space time continuum.

The last two episode are a battle between team Voltron, Atlas, and crew coalition all battling Lotor and the formidable amount of crafts he’s able to fuel thanks to the insane amounts of quintessence he’s mined over the past three years.

Eventually he starts universe hoping and team Voltron and Atlas all rush in to stop him. We follow them through trying to communicate with Lotor and get him to stop.

Allura pleads with Lotor and says she loves him, he stops and says he loves her too but he must finish his mission. Atlas has to go back because switching universes is ultimately destroying the ship and they’ll die if they stay any longer.

Eventually after wading through a million battle fields, and see a million alternate version of themselves, they end up somewhere quiet. Lotor’s shop is destroyed. This seems like the end of the road.

Keith makes a plead to Lotor, one last stand. Lotor Denys him and tries to jump one last time. When they follow him, he isn’t on the other side.

The go back.

Unfortunately when they do, the forces have stopped fighting and time seems to have slowed greatly. Voltron is badly damaged and they all split apart.

The team lands together. Harsh winds battle ahead thankfully the lions somewhat stop this.

They’re all scared.

The battle above is at a standstill, shots caught in mid air, shuttles paused mid explosion. The faces of both friend and foe paused in a climatic battle.

The large, white wholes keep getting bigger.

Shiro looks to them all.

They all agree that they feel the same thing. The silently look around at their lions and at one another.

They hold one another tight as their lions are sacrificed to stop this.

A second later there’s no wind.

They look over.

In the vastness of space, the fighting has stopped, everyone shocked by what just happened.

Voltron is no more.

They get picked up by the Atlas

We see a planet that everyone lands on.

Somehow despite all this, at least for a second, the world is at peace as soldiers care for one another and count the wounded.

Team Voltron, now joined by Allura and Coran stand alone

There’s talk of what could be done, and what is now down.

They all smile and reminiscence

Someone calls for them. Team Voltron

They don’t need to have the lions to still be a team.

The universe doesn’t need them anymore. .

Lance and self esteem

Shiro and Lance finally have that talk at some point in mid season 8.

Shiro points out to Lance that everyone lived with Shiro every day. That they spent practically every waking moment, that they shared almost everything

Lance feels a little better and with this talk with Shiro it properly solidifies Lance’s faith in himself. He feel confident in his ability as a paladin, and as his own person. He’s the blue paladin. The sharpshooter. He doesn’t need to be anyone else.

Shiro and Lance have a hug, and Shiro thanks Lance for being there for him when he really didn’t have to be. They stay like that for longer than they really need to.  

Allura the commander

Allura feels useless coming along with the paladins and Coran, he also laments that he doesn’t have the faintest clue what to do with himself.

Thus presented to them, early in this season a mech from one of the few people who are willingly to support them at the beginning.

Allura has been a commander the whole way through but in this season we see her, independent of Voltron, become that commander.

Allura’s people are alive, a few hundred of them. But alive. She becomes their ruler, and takes her rightful place as their queen, helping guide them through an unsteady time.

Keith and Leadership

Through this season we see the meeting place of Keith’s search to be a leader, and his search to learn about his Galra heritage.

Many Galra begin looking to him, despite his less than Galra apperance. He builds more connections with many Galra through his season, and with the help of his mother converts a lot of Galra to seperate from the empire and Lotor and join the coalition

With Lotor dead. We see Keith at the Kral Zera and he becomes the leader

[dragonswithjetpacks]

I’m going to say this one time about Cullen and that’s it. And my opinion will be out there and done. This is not a negative post. But this is a long post so buckle up babes.

*warning for use of language because I swear like a sailor*

*also brief mention of rape*

Anyway, Cullen is a perfect example of poor planning in the gaming industry.

He is also a perfect example of fans thirsting so hard and wanting something so bad that the writers and developers change a character and even game elements to suite their needs. They didn’t even give him a book or a comic for redemption. You know what they did instead? They switched writers. Cullen has three writers. All of them with a different character in mind.

Cullen was a fucked up mess in Origins. He was meant to be creepy and sociopathic. I get that. The writer who basically created him had no idea he was even going to be not only a reoccurring character, but one that was going to be romance able in future games. She even apologized. Which wasn’t necessary. And so many people who played the game missed a big point about Cullen. He was never supposed to recover from Origins.

“The young templar Cullen never quite recovered from his ordeal. After months of attempting to convince his superiors that the tower was still a danger, he finally snapped and killed three apprentices before being stopped by his fellow templars. Eventually, Cullen escaped from prison, a madman and a threat to any mage he encountered.”

“Once the tower was rebuilt, Knight-Commander Greagoir stepped down from his post and retired to a life of private contemplation as a brother in the Chantry. His health failed over time, and after refusing treatment, he perished in his sleep. Knight-Commander Cullen was said to be more strict and less trusting of the mages even than Greagoir was. He ruled the Circle with fear.”

I’m sorry. But yeah. That’s the epilogue on two different choices involving the Circle’s fate in Origins. And it was ignored. I agree with that, too. But it wasn’t just Cullen that was ignored. It was the entire Circle at Kinloch Hold. If the mage warden sacrifices their own life, the Circle is supposedly free. Which... is not mentioned... ever again. And not to mention is impossible? Like okay thanks Anora or whoever but I don’t think you can just do that.

Poor writing.

I’d also like to mention for the record I did not like Cullen in Origins. I still don’t.

Now, I don’t know why exactly Cullen was brought back in DA2? I know his writer got bullied out of Bioware. I do not have an opinion on that. I mean the woman co-wrote my favorite part of Origins (Anvil of the Void). She also wrote Anders. Which I don’t think is a coincidence. People, men and women, often have this idea of fixing a broken person. It’s heavily romanticized. It’s called codependency. And you see it a lot in romance novels. But that’s another topic. It seems this writer implemented that in the game (along with some of her own personal things she had) without fully knowing Cullen would even be a romantic interest in Inquisition, but also still wanting to give him some sort reason to be desired. And all the while knowing Anders was fully romanceable. Even... a little forcefully... romanceable... if I may add... (I am uncomfortable) I also dislike some of Anders’ writing but that’s another post and I don’t want to compare the two. But Anders was the opposite side of Cullen that was done better because they had time to write it.

Regardless, Cullen seemed to hold some resemblance to his former character. But we do see a lot hesitance with him. He’s basically that “good” cop that doesn’t do anything when the bad cop is beating the shit out of everyone. Still not good, hence the quotes. Not a good guy. He has his meh he’s alright moments. And seems to generally disregard Hawke in every single way. But he’s still an ass hole for letting things happen the way that they did when he could very much so have put a stop to it. Maybe it was the writers’ intention to make it that way to show he was still suffering from trauma in Origins.

Again. Poor writing. BECAUSE WE DON’T KNOW. DIDN’T HE KILL THREE PEOPLE, BIOWARE? ISN’T HE SUPPOSED TO BE KNIGHT COMMANDER IN FERELDEN, B I O W A R E??? WHAT. HAPPENED. BIOWARE.

So here’s the next thing. They decided to slip him into Inquisition for whatever reason. His writing was fair enough in DA2. Could have been better. But these people are still thirsty. They want some Curly. At the last minute, they throw romance on him. Not a bad idea. But are we supposed to forget the man was basically raped by desire demons? Is he even ok to have a relationship? OH WAIT THAT’S RIGHT. We didn’t closure on that because they ignored it.

Anyway, Cullen in Inquisition seems to be different. But because they couldn’t just, oh I don’t know, write a different character with the same traits but better, they had to somehow put the events of the previous games and how it affected him into this new current game where he supposed to be... better? Ish? Which is where we get the stereo type soldier with PTSD and a substance abuse problem. Now, if you’re any good with imagining and writing fanfic, then you probably know or already have figured out a way to connect everything better than Bioware could. But hey. Last minute romance written in on a character who was already all over the charts? Count me in. I like a good writing challenge. Poor girl who took the job of writing Inquisition Cullen likes a challenge too, apparently. Because it was her first big project. And she didn’t do a bad job. But imagine working hard on trying to write a character half the fandom hates into someone somewhat likeable just for everyone to shit all over it.

The way I look at it.... we have three different characters. And he is not really a good example to look at analyze wise. He is inconsistent. And was molded for Inquisition for thirsty fan girls. And some boys (I see you). A good example for study would be Morrigan. Or even Alistair. And Alistair is in several of the comics and still remains pretty consistent. Leliana is a prime example of character development over a course of three games. And I highly recommend you fall in love with her good and bad side because she is written beautifully. Don’t @ me.

Cullen, and I mean Inquisition Cullen, has a lot to like. And a lot to dislike. Every character is flawed. I think a lot of hate that gets tagged onto Cullen is really from poor writing. They really got lazy with him. And it is a shame. I feel like he could have been redeemed way better. He could have had one hell of a redemption. Or possibly just skipped over all together. I see a lot of posts about putting Samson in his place and I often agree. It was never quite the character that made him appealing to me. It was the personality. And they could have easily done with anyone. They could have made Samson sexy, too. It didn’t have to be sexy Cullen. And let’s face it. With Cullen’s writing in Origins and even some of the writing in DA2, Cullen siding with Coryphedouche is way more fitting than Samson.

Basically, it is up to us to fill in the gaps. So I love seeing fanfic with Cullen backstory. Because it gives better insight than what the writers could accomplish. And I applaud you if you’ve done that. BUT the over sexualization of this character is a bit... wrong. It feels wrong. And that’s all I’ll say to that. Personally, I’ve been working on some Cullen romance fic for awhile and it’s been challenging trying to find a way to make him less douchey. One minute, he’s yelling at you about mages. And the next, he’s got this soft tone and nervous look. Like, yeah... you can tell it’s rushed. And awful. And even the dialogue is just... painful. It doesn’t fit. (you can check my Cullen tag in blog to see how I feel about that). I will say that even speaking to him on a personal note, asking him questions about life as a templar, he even says he does not agree with the Order. And he wants to change his thinking. But he still gets angry when you go to side with the mages. It feels like they wanted redeem him but they also needed someone to side with the templars to provide conflict at the war table.

So in my opinion, calling him controlling and abusive is a bit of a stretch. He was clearly used by the writers. It just seems ridiculous to put so much effort in bashing the character when clearly... he was not planned out... or put together... I just... I don’t get...

I know what you’re thinking at this point: Kay.... why do you like him then?

Beacause. I am weak for a man who gets nervous around girls he likes. His awkward mannerisms despite being a man of power makes me weak. The need to protect also makes me weak. But also the ability to admit vulnerability makes me suuuuuper weak. So like I said. There was a lot there. It just was not delivered correctly. You know what I would have done? If I had to put him in the Commander shoes, I would have made the whole Kirkwall thing a life changer for him. Maybe even give him a soul searching type situation before joining the Inquisition. And definitely tell him to keep his mouth shut about siding with the templars.

Long story short: Ya’ll thirsted over a weird dude in Origins and Bioware went hmmmm okay. But by the time they gave him to you on a silver plate, it was last minute. Like you just found out your crush Jared is going to Becky’s party but you’re already at Jessica’s house and have like nothing to wear so you have to just wing it. And your shoes look tacky, but Jessica’s shoes don’t fit. So you either have to wear shoes that don’t fit or just look like omg total garbage. And Bioware went with the shoes that don’t fit. And Jared totally likes them.

I’m also going to say the most controversial thing on this entire post by just... saying... by calling Cullen out as trash without realizing the writing, the directive, the lack of development, the rush on this character, and the complete absolute bullying this community does to it’s FANS AND WRITERS kind of feels like you didn’t really put any effort into understanding why and just jumped on a band wagon. And the fact that some of you make other people feel bad for liking this character is awful. Some of the most toxic shit I’ve seen. Like maybe they like this character from Inquisition because, I don’t know, maaaaaaybe he was written out almost like a new character with a last minute fantasy romance.. because he kind of was...

Now for my opinion on Greg Ellis.

FUCK THAT GUY.

And that’s it. Thanks for stopping by. If you agree cool, if not cool. I’m not here to argue with anyone or say your opinion is invalid. We all have reasons why we hate or love the color blue. So we can all disagree or agree and live in peace and still love a game.

You can always message me, too, guys. I have a lot of opinions. And reasons for my opinions. And theories. And just things in general. But I will not hate characters written in Dragon Age. Someone wrote them. Someone is out there working their ass off to deliver a character. And I refuse to hate someone fictional.

[ajokeformur-ray]

Aching soul, bleeding heart // Arthur Fleck x Reader // fluff + angst.

Summary: You find him climbing into the fridge at 3 AM. What choice is there but to stay awake with him?

Fun fact: all of my writing is emotionally driven so when I’m done with a piece I’m usually pretty sleepy/tired. I have so much love for Arthur Fleck it keeps surprising me. Also this GIF made me sad so what I intended to be pure fluff now has angst in it, too. Sorry.

Tw: swearing, smoking, unhealthy elements to your relationship which reader admits to privately but doesn’t care about. Mentions of implied NSFW - past and future.

Word count: 2, 548.

The feeling that something was really wrong woke you up from your deep slumber. Languidly did you stretch an arm out, fingers probing the cold air for Arthur’s warm body. You met only air and it was with a sleepy groan that you sat up, opening your eyes. The bedroom door was wide open and from where you were in the bed could you partially see Arthur leaning against the counter top, the blue lights illuminating his emaciated features eerily. 

You were up and out of bed almost as soon as you realised that his insomnia was acting up again; it was one of those nights in which neither of you would get any sleep. There was no way that you would leave Arthur alone with his thoughts tonight, especially if you caught sight of his joke book. His journal making an appearance always meant that his negative thoughts were a little darker, a little louder, and a little more obnoxious. On those nights were you tested; your patience usually only stretched so far but with Arthur, it was pushed further still. He always made it up to you, though, well aware of how his bad behaviours could try you. You had your own behaviours which tested him, and it was with silent understanding that you accepted the other for all that you were. Together would you find new ways to be yourselves, and in your personal growth would your relationship strengthen as a couple.

Before you could make it to the doorway did you hear the sound of the fridge being opened, then a terrible series of dull thuds, grunts and crashes. Your ears were met with the sound of the fridge closing after a brief pause. The second time the door opened and closed was it slammed shut harder, and in confusion did you slowly walk into the kitchen; wondering if you were going mad or if Arthur had actually just... climbed into the fridge. You knew that he expressed himself in odd ways sometimes when it seemed that nothing else would show how he was feeling, but this was definitely one of the more worrying impulses he had had of late. If this was going to become a late night habit of his, you would need to keep a closer eye on him.

You wasted no time in rushing through the small, cramped space to wrench the fridge door open. You paused, your brain still trying to shake off sleep. Arthur was crouched with his head tucked between his knees, his hands over his ears. At the rush of cold air and the light inside the fridge turning on did he look up at you. Sorrow quickly turned to a small rush of happiness as his eyes fell upon your cautious form in the doorway.

“Arthur, what... what are you doing in there?”

“I, I, uhh - I c-couldn’t sleep so I... I just wanted to stop feeling. The f-fridge is c-cold so - so it would make me stop.” His next broken whisper, which you could barely hear over the humming of the fridge, made you drop to your knees, uncaring of the shelves which had been haphazardly tossed across the floor, “I just want it all to stop.”

You cooed sympathetically and reached out with both hands, your fingers curling around his thin wrists. Shit, he was cold. His hands were almost frozen through. It was lucky that he had barely been in there for a few minutes before you got to him if his core temperature had dropped so fast in such a short space of time. Hurriedly did you leave his side, calling out a, “I’ll be right back!” as you darted into the living room and ripped the big, thick blanket off the back of the armchair which Penny used to sit in, before legging it back into the kitchen, almost skidding to a stop. You crouched, reached for Arthur again, exhaling heavily through your nose as you helped him slowly out of the fridge. You wrapped the blanket around his frame and ran your hands all over his upper body, desperately trying to, at the very least, chafe some warmth into him.

Arthur tilted forward to rest his forehead on your shoulders. With shaking fingers did he peel back your shirt, pressing dry kisses to your bare shoulder with cold lips. You closed your eyes to just enjoy the moment, your arms wrapped around him. Just at the point you were ready to take Arthur to bed for a different reason, reality slammed into you and you pulled away from Arthur, doing your best to think on your feet. Your exhaustion and other bodily needs could wait. Briefly did you feel irritated with how you weren’t already wide awake.

“Go sit down, darling.” You watched Arthur go. He didn’t even bother picking up his feet, walking with a shuffle and a slight limp, his head tilted to one side. It was really bad tonight, whatever it was that had made his insomnia flare up. Quickly did you reassemble the fridge’s insides, a part of you wishing that you could do the same to Arthur’s head; opening him up and rearranging the parts so that, when you were done, he was less broken, happier. You shook off the thought, though, slightly disgusted with yourself. Arthur was fragile, this was true, but he wouldn’t be Arthur without all that he was, all that he had been through. He was perfect just as he was. It wasn’t that you wanted to reach inside Arthur and fix him, but you wanted to be able to reach those darkest, rawest parts of him, and heal them. If you could take his pain for your own, you would do it in a heartbeat. 

With the fridge fixed, you peeked through the small built in gap in the wall to look at Arthur. He was sat staring at the floor, his brow furrowed and his hands tightly clenching the soft material of the blanket which you had wrapped him in. Quickly did you make some sandwiches, grabbing the nearest things you found to make him something. You cared little for what Arthur ate, just so long as he did. You also grabbed the pack of Marlboro's which you had bought on your way home from work. Arthur had run out earlier this evening and wouldn’t be paid for another few weeks, and you wondered if he wasn’t experiencing some nicotine withdrawal symptoms on top of everything else. He hadn’t been shaking that badly just from the cold in the fridge; he hadn’t been in there long enough.

With two plates in your hands and his cigarette pack in your mouth, you made your way over to him. You set the plates down somewhat awkwardly - you didn’t want to lean over too close to Arthur because he had issues with personal space sometimes and you didn’t know if he would be okay with you practically leaning over him at the moment. It was so hard to read him sometimes, but your instincts were rarely wrong when it came to Arthur. Still, you remained stood just off the side of him as you took the pack from your mouth and went about opening it, removing one and lighting it easily. 

“Here.” You held it out to him, filter first, and watched his eyes light up. You smiled. Such a simple gesture meant so much to him, and it was one of the things that you treasured the most about him. “You gotta eat, too.” You put the plate on his lap and sat down to eat yours. Eating sandwiches at three in the morning with your insomniac significant other had always seemed like a far off dream to you when you had been somewhat younger and more impatient to start living despite all the time you still had in front of you, but here you were. You couldn’t think of a better person to spend your life with, if you were being honest with yourself. With all his challenges and conditions, he was still the purest, kindest soul you had ever encountered and you would hold onto him tightly. Never again would he go through a day without you right there with him. You would tear the world apart if it meant keeping him happy and you knew that he would do the same for you.

Arthur looked at the two plates and then back at you, a look of childlike curiosity on his face. “W-what are you doing?”

You smiled, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. Arthur leaned into the touch, his eyes slipping closed; a soft smile on the corner of his mouth. You kissed his forehead, hummed against his skin happily, and pulled back. Arthur’s hand caught yours before you could lower it, and he kissed the back of your hand just once. He inhaled deeply on his cigarette and his eyes fluttered shut as he exhaled with his entire body. 

“Thank you,” He murmured. You knew he wasn’t just talking about the cigarettes. Who were you to deny him anything? You had never been able to say no to him for anything. If he asked you to jump, your next response would be, “how high?”. You could admit that there were unhealthy elements to your relationship, but you didn’t care enough about that to change it. You were both obsessed with each other and you both loved it.

“Of course. Come on,” You tapped his plate with your finger, “Eat.”

Arthur frowned, then. “Oh, yeah.” He sounded like he had just been reminded of something, his voice lighter towards the end of his sentence. “Why are you up?”

You couldn’t help the look of ‘duh’ on your face. It was three in the morning and you were tired. “I’m staying up with you. If you’re gonna be up all night, then so am I.” You didn’t tell him that you were also up because you couldn’t sleep without him beside you. The bed was too cold, too big, too empty. You had gotten so dependent on Arthur for so many things and you knew that you were ruined for anyone else in your life, ever. You were Arthur’s first and last everything and he would never let you go for anything.

“No,” Arthur sighed, “I don’t want to be a - “

You cut him off. You could admit that you really were too tired to censor yourself, even given the circumstances. Arthur had always appreciated, always craved total honesty, though, and so you weren’t all that bothered by what he would think of your being sharp with him. As long as you didn’t actually snap at him, he could handle a little terseness. Goodness knew that he was sometimes the same with you when everything was too much for him and you wanted something from him that he didn’t have the mental energy to give to you. “Don’t you even think about finishing that sentence.”

Arthur shifted, guilty, and he took a small bite of his sandwich. You watched him chew before you started to eat your own. You felt a quiet hum of satisfaction towards yourself for how well you had managed to pull Arthur out of his mood. Sometimes it was almost impossible to get through to him. You had done well this night to help him. You could admit to yourself that you were proud of yourself, and you were proud of Arthur too. Only he knew just how bad things were inside his head, but still he fought each and every day.

You ate without speaking, the thunderous silence ringing in your ears. When Arthur was done, you took your plates into the kitchen. You would deal with them in the morning. You heard the quiet noise of paper rustling and a lighter, the deep and relieved inhale, and when you turned to look, Arthur had dropped his head over the back of the sofa, the arm not held to his lips draped over the edge, too. He looked so at peace now. What had you done this night to so completely soothe him?

Sitting beside him did you rest your head on his covered shoulder. You let your eyes drop closed, your tiredness threatening to overwhelm you. You were just so tired. Your eyes were burning even when they were shut and you had a headache brewing behind them. When the sun rose in just a few hours, the long day ahead of you would be made all the worse by your scant handful of precious hours’ sleep. You would definitely both suffer with sore backs, too. The sofa was well past its time but you couldn’t afford to replace it.

Arthur’s pressure beside you eased off. Just as you were about to open your eyes to look for him, hands pulled you into a lying down position; one tender hand lifting your head up gently, just enough to put a pillow underneath you. You let Arthur arrange you as he saw fit, and then his weight was on you as he nestled into your body; his blanket coming to shield the both of you from the cold atmosphere. It wasn’t cold, as such, but without a jumper was it chilly. Arthur snuggled into you, his head over your heart, his legs tangled with yours. Immediately did your fingers find their way into his hair, and you threaded the strands through your touch carefully, comforting him even on the edge of sleep as you were. Arthur moaned quietly and without even looking at him could you see the sleepy smile he had to have on his face. You knew him so well that you could recall his facial expressions in your mind’s eye from a single noise. You knew what every laugh meant, what every noise meant, what every silence meant. He was your entire world.

“I love you, Y/N. I love you so, so much.” Arthur slid up your body clumsily to kiss you softly, gently, his lips barely touching yours. You opened your eyes just enough to see him pull back. You used your grip on his hair to pull him back into you for a proper kiss which left your toes curling into the sofa, breathless with love. You felt a brief arousal pool low in your stomach but you were just too tired to do anything about it. Arthur would be there in the morning and you were sure that he would be in the mood to satisfy you, especially if he stayed lying on top of you the whole night through.

“I love you too. You know I do.” Your words were slightly slurred, your voice soft, and the last sound you heard before Morpheus swept you away for a nap (for that was all the time you could have this night to sleep again) was Arthur’s quiet happy laughter. You slipped into sleep like you would ease into a warm bath, and with Arthur all around you did you dream with a smile upon your face. Arthur was there waiting for you in your dreams, too; there was nowhere you could go that he wouldn’t follow.

The Arthur Fleck/Joker Defense Squad @writings-of-a-gen-z  @x-avantgarde-x  @mapreza1 @insomniabird  @mavalenovaninagavi  @itwasrealenough  @morrisonmercurymalek  @rand0ms-fand0ms  @rafaelina-casillas @aclownthing  @rebs-doom  @vivft  @help-i-am-obssessed@autumnaffection   @taintednihilist   @vladtoly   @mg-woolf99@misstgrey92  @that-s-life   @dopey-girl-blogs  @seeking-dreamland  @sweetheart-syndrome  @heartxfdesire  @xmusichealsthesoulx  @0callmejude0  @the-one-that-likes-riddles  @hannibalsslut  @folliaght  @freeeshavacadoo  @bingewatchingmylifegoby  @unlovedbyeveryoneandeverything  @okamiredfoxx  @sp0okysp0oky  @the-pandorabox  @mardema  @jibanyyan  @honeyflvredcoughdrop  @emissarydecksetter  @jokerfleckk  @epidendroideae  @chuuntas  @stillmabel  @pumpkinpeyes  @onehystericalqueenposts  @the-jokers-wolf  @nalsswa  @justahyena  @arianatheangelworld  @soullessblondbitch  @gothamslittlejester  @twentyonestarrynights  @sirianfromsixties  @kissmeclownman  @joker-is-my-hero  @lazyloosah  @lovesickkloxx  @ladylovelyluna  @live-love-loki  @clownerybbxx   @tragicarthur

[no-gays-in-russia]

Someone Has To Die: Review

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of suicide, murder, homophobia.

SPOILER ALERT: major spoilers for all three episodes of Someone Has To Die.

Introduction: Someone Has To Die (”Alguien Tiene Que Morir”) is a Spanish/Mexican miniseries of three 50 minutes long episodes set in the 50s which follows the story of Gabino, a young man who has just come back to Spain after living in Mexico with his mother’s family for 10 years. With him he brings his friend Lazaro, a Mexican ballet dancer. Soon, rumours start spreading that Lazaro and Gabino are in a relationship, fueled by Lazaro’s profession (everyone believes that a male ballet dancer must necessarily be gay) and by the intimacy between the two of them. However, Lazaro is straight and actually attracted to Gabino’s mom, Mina (spoiler: it’s mutual), while Gabino is in fact gay and has feelings of romantic nature towards Lazaro, despite them not being reciprocated. Although they are fake, those rumours keep growing, with the help of Cayetana, the girl that Gabino is supposed to marry and sister of Alonso. Alonso is an old friend of Gabino and it’s made clear throughout the show that before the latter left for Mexico something of homoerotic nature happened between the two of them, although it is never specified exactly what; long story short, Gabino is the only one to know that Alonso is also gay and let me tell you, homeboy has a shit ton of internalised homophobia. When the rumours reach their maximum height, Mina tries to help Lazaro and Gabino run away to Paris, but Gabino’s father, who works at a prison, finds out and, advised by his mother, gets Gabino arrested, while Lazaro is able to escape. Mina and Lazaro are then found having sex in the woods and that’s when chaos ensues- Gabino’s father wants to kill Mina and Lazaro, he tells Gabino to do so, Gabino refuses and points his shotgun at his father, his father points his gun at Gabino, then Alonso kills Gabino’s father, Gabino’s grandma kills Alonso and then Lazaro and finally Gabino kills his grandma. And that’s how the show ends. Another important element of the plot is that, while everyone believes Gabino’s grandpa died in a hunting accident, he was actually murdered by Gabino’s grandma, and young Gabino witnessed it (this is a big part of the reason why he was sent to Mexico shortly after); there’s also a subplot involving the family’s maid, quite significant because it leads to Gabino’s dad finding out the truth about his father’s death, but I don’t want to go into too much detail so I’ll stop here.

General opinion: after watching the masterpiece that is Young Royals (I will make a post on it soon), this struck me as a pretty average show; not bad, but not exceptional either (there are some great elements, but they are an exception). The acting is realistic but stiff, the characters are mostly unidimensional and sometimes unlikeable when they shouldn’t be, and the ending sort of leaves you thinking: what’s the point? The show as a whole is not meaningless at all (quite thoughtful and sensible at times, actually), but that’s what the ending feels like- everybody’s dead, now what? What does that mean? How was that significant to the plot? I liked Alonso killing Gabino’s father, because it shows that after all he cared for Gabino and was willing to help him, and I also liked Gabino killing his grandma, showing his strength and proving everyone who described him as fragile wrong, but I feel like Alonso and/or Lazaro should have been kept alive.

The characters: now, the characters are the most important thing in a tv show for me; if everything’s good but I hate the characters I cannot keep watching it, if everything’s horrible but I hate the characters I will keep watching it. The fact that I got through the entire show proves that they are not terrible, but I didn’t love them either. I will now analyse all of the main characters one by one, starting from Gabino. About Gabino, I noticed a discrepancy between the way he is described by other characters and the way he appears through his own actions and words. The adjectives that are most used to describe Gabino in the show are “dreamer” and “fragile”. Now, I’m not saying Gabino is not a dreamer, but since the other characters stress this aspect so much I would have expected his behaviour and words to demonstrate that much more than they actually did. And speaking of fragile, to me Gabino seemed the absolute opposite- I actually perceived him as an incredibly strong character. Throughout the entirety of the show he went through Hell so many times (got rejected by the man he loves, got beat up by Alonso, got put into jail by his own father, witnessed half of his family and closest friends dying in front of him) and he never gave up. He always responded with strength, murdering his grandma, not committing suicide when Alonso advised him to. However, this discrepancy might be caused by the fact that it had been 10 years since any of the other characters had last seen Gabino (although if I’m not mistaken Lazaro too describes him as a dreamer), so they might describe what they remember him as without realizing how much he’s changed throughout the years. But I still felt like in his case the show did too much telling and not enough showing. But now, let’s move onto the other character involved in the rumours: Lazaro. With Lazaro, I have a different issue: I felt as though he was supposed to be a likeable character, but I ended up really disliking him. At first we see him as a bit naive, a very good friend to Gabino, extremely passionate about dancing, a dreamer more so than Gabino (he repeatedly voices his fantasies about visiting Paris and getting to dance at the Opèra); but in the end, he proves himself as being selfish and unfaithful, as he literally has sex with Mina while Gabino is in prison. Your best friend has just been arrested and your first thought is to fuck his mom? And let’s not forget that Lazaro knew that Gabino loved him, so he knew this would hurt him even more. And when Cayetana pretends to offer to him to leave for Paris with her, he agrees- again, proving how little he cares about Gabino being in prison. He has some very good moments as well, including one of my two favourite scenes in the show, but my overall opinion on him is not positive. Now let’s talk about the three characters that we were actually supposed to perceive as negative: Cayetana, Gabino’s grandma Ampara and Gabino’s dad Gregorio. Cayetana’s sole personality trait is that of being evil- there doesn’t even seem to be a motivation behind her actions, she just does it because she is an a-hole. That’s pretty much the same with Ampara, with the small exception that she justifies her actions by saying it’s all for her family (hard to say whether she actually believes her own words or not). But in the end, both characters fail at being fascinating, meaningful villains: they’re plain and unidimensional. The case is a bit different for Gregorio: he’s overall a despicable character, but further traits are added so that he is not just a plain villain- he is a bad person, and that makes a big difference. In particular, I love that they make him a conflicted character, portraying the contrast between the pain he causes Gabino and the pain he himself feels realising how much he’s hurting his son. However, in my opinion, the best, most interesting and most lovable characters in the show are Alonso and Mina. Alonso may be interpreted as a negative character himself, but he sort of redeems himself towards the end. He does some very good things (killing Gregorio to protect Gabino, Mina and Lazaro), some very bad things (kidnapping Gabino and Lazaro, hurting Lazaro’s leg, beating Gabino almost to death) and some things that weren’t exactly good but which he did with good intentions (repeatedly advising Gabino to leave Spain forever, bringing him a gun while he’s in prison and advising him to kill himself). I think the only mistake they did was making him hurt Gabino and Lazaro in such a way, because they wanted him to be a redeemable and likeable character but honestly that was almost unforgivable. But at the same time I can see that Alonso’s violence on Gabino was the result of him taking his feelings towards Gabino (probably some feelings of romantic nature and jealousy towards his supposed relationship with Lazaro) and transforming them into something that he felt to be more acceptable and more manageable, and on top of that it was the manifestation of his disgust, fear, anger, frustration for his own homosexuality. All in all, Alonso is a very complex and conflicted character, sometimes submissive and others extremely corageous, good and bad, selfless and selfish. But if perfection was almost reached with Alonso, we move even closer to the perfect character with Mina- I want to slap her and hug her at the same time, and that’s what I love. Even more than Alonso, she is an incredibly complex character. I think she’s the main character more so than Gabino- so many interesting clues about her personality and her personal history are continously thrown around and you just want to know more and more about her. From her clearly feeling inadequate and different because she’s Mexican and leaving in Spain to her love story with Lazaro (who is Mexican like her- something to note), to the contrast between her desire to help others and her fragility which often makes it impossible, Mina is a well explored, multi-dimentional, lovable and despicable character.

My favourite scenes: finally, I want to discuss two scenes that I thought to be absolutely brilliant (if the entire show had been like those two scenes I would have considered it a masterpiece). The first takes place when Gabino and Lazaro are back home after Alonso’s attack; Lazaro is mending Gabino’s wounds, when the latter stops him and tells him he’s sorry for getting him involved. Lazaro replies he’s not done anything wrong, but Gabino states: <<I love you, and that’s the problem.>> Lazaro says: <<I love you too.>> and Gabino: <<But not in the same way.>> And that’s when Lazaro says the most beautiful line in the show: <<But I love you still, and that could never be wrong.>> That line equates platonic and romantic love, stating that despite them being two different kinds of love they are still exactly the same thing: love. So just like no one would ever say Lazaro is wrong for loving Gabino platonically, at the same time Lazaro states that no one could ever say Gabino is wrong for loving him romantically, because that’s exactly the same thing: love. And love is never wrong. The second scene takes place after Mina and Lazaro have been found together in the woods close to the club and Gregorio gets Gabino out of prison to take him there with him. Gabino is alone in his father’s car, Alonso sees him and goes to sit in the car with him. Alonso tells Gabino about how terrible he feels having to lie every day about who he really is, and then asks him to describe what it is like having sex with a man. Gabino tries to resist, but after Alonso begs him he gives in and recounts the first time he had sex with a man. Alonso is profoundly moved by his story and visibly tries to contain his emotions, but he fails, as tears start streaming down his face; then, once Gabino is done talking, he grabs the gun he’d given him in prison and tries to shoot himself. Gabino is able to stop him and Alonso breaks down crying, hugging Gabino while the latter promises him that they’re always going to be there for one another. Such a touching moment.

[nonbinaryhatboxghost]

Okay, today has been a quiet Saturday morning so far, I have some time, and I like lists. So here is my random (personal) ranking of Star Trek series and movies, out of what I’ve seen, which is everything but seasons 5-7 of Voyager, all of Enterprise, and all of Picard. I’m only counting shows with three or more seasons because it’s easier. But let the record show that I love Lower Decks so far and The Animated Series is actually a blast.

SPOILERS THROUGHOUT

Series Ranking

The Original Series - As influential of a show as it is, I constantly forget how much damn fun the original Trek is. There is an almost Community-like variance in tone and genre throughout the show. And I’m a sucker for a future that embraces primary colors. It is the Trek show I revisit the most so far, and it remains my favorite.

Deep Space Nine - This one comes close, though. It starts out as a solid spinoff with very well-defined characters, and then becomes a big, sprawling epic that had my eyes welling up by the end. It feels more like a sequel to The Original Series than The Next Generation did to me. It dealt with subject matter both different and darker than was expected for the time. It had characters at odds with each other. Religion was explored in a way that balanced brutal honesty with genuine respect. War and the various traumas it induces were acknowledged. And it had “Take Me Out to the Holosuite”. I only finished this one recently but I look forward to watching it again.

Discovery - I was rooting for this show to be good even as it went through so much behind-the-scenes drama during its first two seasons. Even with all of that going on, the show became a fascinating watch as you saw it change from its arguably-too-dark beginnings as a prequel, to the almost Doctor Who-like second season with its joyful embracing of classic Trek, and finally to its current iteration that at long last gives us a Trek show that’s not bound by prequel limitations. Michael Burnham is such a great character and getting to see her arc alone makes this one of my favorite Trek stories. The queer/nonbinary representation also warms my heart.

Voyager - I’m just starting the fifth season, but the show has settled into an interesting groove with its characters. And Voyager’s characters are so damn good that they counterbalance a lot of the show’s early problems. It takes a while for Voyager to realize that the Kazon do not work very well as villains. But once the show realizes that, it begins an upward trajectory in quality that reminds me of Deep Space Nine after it began doing Dominion plots. And Seven of Nine’s effect on the crew dynamic lives up to the hype. Any scene between her and Janeway demonstrates such a unique relationship between captain and crewmate that an episode plot can be meh and still worth it for a scene with those two. Also, Janeway is the best captain character. No other Trek show (that I’ve seen so far) comes close to showing us the weight of leadership like Voyager, and Mulgrew constantly brings it.

The Next Generation - This is my first Trek show. It’s the one that my dad watched. There are several standout episodes to me, but I find myself less drawn to revisiting TNG than the other Trek shows because ultimately it took me too long to understand and care about its cast of characters. If you were to ask me to describe any character from any other Trek show, I would be able to. Ask me to describe a TNG character and I would likely fail to give any good adjectives for any character besides Data and Worf. As iconic as the show is, and as great as it became, it doesn’t have the same pull on me as other Trek shows. But it was the template for the spinoffs that followed, and the portrayal of Picard’s trauma post-Borg assimilation earns its reputation as an all-timer for me.

Movie Ranking

VI: The Undiscovered Country - I’m surprised this one isn’t talked about as much as other Trek movies. It’s a very frank depiction of prejudices and learning to deal with them. It has one of the best Kirk/Spock scenes ever. Christopher Plummer as a Klingon. The ORIGINAL cast credits sign-off (yes, Avengers: Endgame borrowed from this). A score that carefully balances menace with eventual hope. A fun whodunit structure. I could go on and on. It’s just so damn great, and so far the only successful send-off to a Trek crew in any of the movies.

II: The Wrath of Khan - It’s a classic for a reason. I’ve probably rewatched this more than any other Trek movie. You got your great villain, your classic crew beginning to deal with their mortality, an all-timer death scene, a kickass early James Horner score. What more could you want?

The Motion Picture - This is an interesting one. When I first watched it as a teen, I hated it. I agreed with every critique of it being thinly plotted and having an excessive runtime. When I revisited it in my 20s, it became a favorite. It’s Star Trek’s exploration of existential dread, and the struggle to find agency and identity within that dread. It has possibly Jerry Goldsmith’s greatest score. It is the best that the Enterprise has ever looked. This movie envelopes you with eerie and epic imagery, culminating in a finale with interesting philosophical ramifications and a well-earned return to optimism from its crew. This one is criminally underrated.

First Contact - This one is just rock solid all around. The best-ever TNG villains, further exploration of Picard’s trauma from Borg assimilation, Alfre Woodard, Alice Krige, fun action, the genesis of the Federation. It has the best balance of darkness and fun out of all of the Trek movies. It also has a character actually say the words “star trek” in a way that never ceases to make me smile. I don’t know if it’s a good line, but it’s funny regardless.

Beyond - Like The Motion Picture, I initially disliked this upon first viewing. I was still in the middle of watching The Original Series and was in the wrong mindset for this mashup of TOS and Fast & Furious. But it’s one of the most underrated Treks because it’s a perfect balance of the more kinetic action found in the 2010s with a very well-done breakdown of the inherent point and value of Star Trek: learning to be better and move beyond fighting the same battles among ourselves.

IV: The Voyage Home - This one is such a satisfying culmination of the crew’s arc starting in The Wrath of Khan that the joy of the 1980s material is almost just a bonus to me. Nimoy does a good job of keeping things light without disregarding stakes. He gets the best portrayal of the crew’s camaraderie in this and The Search for Spock. And Spock’s reaction to the concept of “exact change” always makes me laugh.

III: The Search for Spock - I revisited this one recently and it held up better than I expected. Seeing the weight of Spock’s death on Kirk in the beginning hits hard. Christopher Lloyd as the Klingon villain is casually one of the best Trek movie villains. And seeing the crew uniting over trying to bring back Spock gives us some of the best on-screen moments of this cast.

Star Trek - One of the reasons I love Beyond so much is that it retroactively makes this one better. I was crazy for this movie when it came out. I was in high school, Star Trek in general was something I was only really aware of because of my dad. But this is the thing that got me into Trek. And as mixed of a bag as it now plays to me, ‘09 Star Trek being a gateway for me to general Trek, combined with the perfect casting of the crew, the excellent Giacchino score, and the emotion of the opening sequence, thankfully makes this one still a blast to revisit.

Nemesis - I have only seen this twice, and both of those times without having seen TNG in its entirety. This was also the very first Trek movie I ever saw. Nostalgia is a factor for why this is higher than the others on the list. Curiosity is another, as I was unaware of Tom Hardy when I watched this, and have no idea what my opinion will be on rewatch. But what I always remembered of this movie was its ending, which even to a novice like myself when I first saw it had an impact.

Generations - There are quite a few great scenes that Stewart gets in this movie. Malcolm McDowell is also great in it. But the whole plot feels too forced for me to get actually swept up in it. And as fun as it is to see Shatner and Stewart share the screen... it ultimately has no impact and leads to a strangely lame death for Kirk.

Insurrection - The idea of Enterprise going rogue against the Federation for forcibly relocating a population for a natural resource is such a good concept... which makes the goofiness and half-baked writing of this entry all the more confusing. All the elements are there, but it feels like the tone was forced to be lighter than the material warranted. It’s frustrating because Frakes’ directing chops that he showed off on First Contact are still visible here. But for whatever reason, this one just falls apart.

Into Darkness - This one is low on the list mainly because it represents almost all the negative traits of the modern blockbuster to me. Darkness without depth, franchise callbacks without substance, and no character development/change by the end. Another reason why Beyond works better as a sequel to ‘09 Star Trek than this one is that Into Darkness feels more like it’s trying to make Star Trek a bigger movie franchise rather than develop this iteration of the Enterprise crew. Nothing and no one is changed by the end of this story.

V: The Final Frontier - It is the most difficult Trek movie to sit through, and yet I can’t call it a disaster. For all of its misfirings on the comedy front (dancing Uhura, for instance), the camping material with Kirk, Spock and McCoy is genuinely great. The premise of its villain being on a quest to find God is ultimately a misfire, but it leads to a very engagingly ridiculous climax centered around the question “What does God need with a starship?” There are far too many undeveloped ideas in this one, but that scene is worth seeing this movie for. At least, now that we know it didn’t kill the franchise, as so many apparently feared when this came out.

[bakugouscentedcaramel]

*breaks knuckles* tbh I don’t think what E has done even slightly changes shit lol. Like he kids need him to leave them alone for a bit. I’m sticking with Natsuo when it comes to him. Until he completely fesses up, steps down from his hero place (cause I mean he only started acting nice when he no longer needed his ‘offspring’ to take his place BUT KIKE) and does something. Literally anything. Having dinner with me is the opposite of what I’d want my abuser to do

And that's perfectly fine and valid!

⚠️!Big Manga Spoilers!⚠️

The other thing that I've been dying to talk about is how each of the Todoroki children all have different coping mechanisms with this. Fuyumi wants her family to resemble a family and to have some normalcy between her brothers and her father. Natsuo just wants to move on without Enji in any of their lives. Todoroki, I think, is just watching Enji to see how he actually feels. And Touya became a goth villain to take his father down.

There's plenty of ways to cope with abusive parents and I feel like Horikoshi portrays every Todoroki as realistically as possible.

But I am a strong believer that if an abuser recognizes their faults and actively tries mending the relationship that it should be respected.

And here I go back on my synopsis bullshit again y'all!!

And it's not just the dinner scene that caused me to support this redemption arc, let's take a gander at chapter 252 ft. Family talks with awkward broccoli and angrii gremlin

Note: this is after Natsuo gets saved from Ending by only Bakugou, Midoriya, and Todoroki

Whoo that's a lot to unpack there. Admitting fault is a key component of healing any relationship, even with yourself!

And for the Number 2, now Number 1 hero that's a huge step. I'm not saying that his hero work has any weight in his family problems but it certainly does paint the picture. Heroes are supposed to maintain a certain status among the populace, they are beacons of safety and justice, so admitting fault would obviously taint that divine-like image. Just think, you wouldn't trust a hero who constantly apologizes as much as one who hardly does. There's that primal feeling of "what if they mess up when I need saving?"

Societal influence is a hidden element that plays a huge role in character backgrounds/development

So here it's implied that ever since Touya's death Enji shut himself away from his family. Now this could because of many reasons, guilt, anger, grief, even failure. We still don't know exactly what happened during this time or how the Todoroki family coped with it, hell we don't even know if Touya's death was even in the public's eyes or if it was a private affair. We do know however that Shoto and Touya are the only Todoroki's to suffer physically painful training routines by the hands of Enji as a way to "strengthen" them. Meaning Natsuo and Fuyumi were more or less ignored, which is still emotionally abusive. Because of this it's safe to say that Natsuo and Fuyumi grew close to each other, and it would entirely justify Natsuo's anger towards his father for putting both of his brothers through hell.

These panels are pretty much self explanatory. Aw look at BakuThot just trying to ignore this depressing tea

Also Shoto's expression is just perfect. We all know that he was struggling with forgiving him or not and we can see his reaction to hearing his father say that he doesn't want forgiveness. You can just see the relief of that emotional burden being lifted off of him.

Now one could argue that distancing himself again is just going to make things worse, and one could argue that this is the best outcome. It's hard to say if this is a positive or a negative and I certainly have no experience with this scenario. But it still shows initiative to change for the better and to help his children as well as his wife, who is still in the hospital mind you, find happiness.

Needless to say it's not just "Endeavor is just trying to make himself look better" or "an abuser is still just an abuser". Enji shows real drive to change not for himself but for his family.

And I can't wait for Dabi to show up and fuck it all up

[coco-little-rose]

I’m feeling a bit guilty but I really need to write what I didn’t like about Star Trek Picard. I really love this show, I think it have the potential and very interesting characters but I have a big problem with the narration.

But I need to tell you something.. or more like I need to yell something: I’M DONE WITH WEIRD INCEST PLOT!! Since Game of Thrones, american shows are going wild with incest. Star Trek Picard and now HGAWM (I stopped watching this show years ago but I still follow some blog and I didn’t know if it was a joke or not).

The writers of Star Trek Picard want a more darker show, something for adult. They think incest and unecessary death make a story darker. In my opinion, it depend on the execution of the plot.

Killing off characters can be necessary to move the plot or to grow an another character but:

- Dahj’s death was barely mentionned and mostly it was to full Picard’s pain.

- Icheb’s death was supposed to have a big impact on Seven... I saw it in one episode and the rest of the season we forget him.

- Hugh’s death was supposed to... well I don’t know. I guess it was to show us how evil Narissa was.

- The carnage of the xBs was supposed to show us... it did nothing to Seven or Picard. At the end of the season we don’t even know what hapened to the Borg cube.

- The destruction of Romulus was badly handle. The “good” Romulans are friends with Picard, more like they are at his service (Laris, Zhaban, Elnor). The “bad” Romulan are against Picard and are very cartoonish (Narek, Narissa, Commodore Oh) they also have some weird incestuous subplot because we need to know how evil and without moral they are. 

- The only useful death was Bruce Maddox, because Agnes deals with the psycholical consequences (and I don’t think it will be over anytime soon) and it allow the plot to move forward with the revelation about Commodore Oh. I hope to see the legal consequences in season 2.

None of those elements were used. When I saw all the Romulans characters in this show, it didn’t feel like they lost their worlds, their home, their culture. Even Picard seemed more sadder about it than most of Romulan characters. This show let me with a lot of questions:

- Why the Romulans needed Starfleet’s help to evacuate their own homeworld ? In Voyager, they managed to build some kind of wormhole but they can’t rescue their own people ?

- I didn’t like the picture of Picard as the “savior of Romulans”. I don’t know, it felt wrong.

- Elnor spend most of his time killing his own people for Picard. We’re talking about someone who lost his homeworld. The destruction Of Romulus made billions victims. Elnor doesn’t seem to think his people are near extinction ?! There isn’t any reflexions about it.

- Commodore Oh sabotaged the rescue fleet for Romulus, Narek and Narissa are agree with it. Ok... but what about the billions dead Roumulans. was it worth ?

The destruction of Romulus is for nothing. The Romulans onscreen are still similar to the one we saw in other Star Trek shows like TNG, DS9 and VOY. There isn’t a word about the lost of Romulus. Not even from Laris and Zhaban. They just said, there is a Romulans refugees crisis and never talk about it again

An another problem I find is how they deal with the drug issue.

- Raffi, the only black woman, has drug issues and she’s shamed and rejected by her own family because of that. I thought Starfleet know how to deal with drug addiction. It’s the 24th century, humanity is supposed to have a cure for this kind of problem. They are supposed to be more tolerant. I don’t understand how Raffi’s plot can exist. I agree, the part in which she believes in some conspiracy theories could lead her to be isolated. But the drug addiction ? It shouldn’t be like this. Medical care is an achievement in Star Trek.

The romantic relationship between characters are not very well written.

- I didn’t have any interest in Agnes/Cris, maybe it’s just me but I don’t feel any emotionnal connexion between them. Every time they were onscreen I felt like Elnor.

- In retrospect, I understand Soji/Narek. From the beginning, I thought Narek was a creep, he even admitted to Soji to spy her communication with her mother. For me it was a big red flag and at the time I didn’t understand why Soji wasn’t shock. But, we find later she’s basically a 4 years old synth. She probably didn’t have the experience to deal with Narek’s behaviour. She didn’t have any support, not even from her fake mother. But I wish we could have more suspense about it... like I wasn’t surprise, i didn’t even care... They could have make an effort in term of storytelling. They show us Narek had genuine feelings for her but it didn’t really work.

- Narek/Soji has some parallel with Agnes/Bruce Maddox. Ok, she didn’t seduce him to kill him. He was an old flame, she probably still have feelings for him. But despite her feelings she killed him. Yes she was under the influence of a mind-meld with horrific pictures of organic life dying. Narek was raised in the hate of people like Soji. His behaviour is terrible but don’t forget Agnes could have become like him. She has a potential to be a good spy actually. So I don’t understand why the narration is so against Narek but give Agnes a free pass. I’m surprise with the writers, they wanted a dark show but the end of the season was almost really positive for the character. If they want to be dark, they should have put Agnes on a cell next to Narek, waiting for a trial; it should have been one of the last scene of the season 1. Instead we get a weird happy end.

- Seven/Raffi looks like queerbaiting. most of the het ship had a decent screentime even the abusive one (Narek/Soji). But Seven and Raffi only got the last second of the final and we don’t even know if they will have the development they deserve. i wouldn’t be surprise if the next season they are like “well it’s was a one shot, now we decided to stay friend”... At last, the show took some time to mention they weren’t heterosexual but some people didn’t even understand the message.

I didn’t feel like the show was more mature than any other Star Trek. They don’t deal well with genocide or any other sensitive topic. In this season 1, I feel like it was impossible to question Picard’s goodness. Picard is show as a hero who save the galaxy and is always right. Yes, some people were piss off with him but:

- The Romulan guy who was angry at him was killed by Elnor.

- Raffi had every reasons to be angry at Picard but she forgives him because... because I don’t know why. In my opinion, Picard didn’t work to have her forgiveness or to prove he was a good friend. He was mostly obsessed with his “Data quest”. Raffi “forgives” him because he was dying.

The last negative element was the banned of Synthetic.

- So, the Federation with Rikker’s help discovered the existence of a Romulan conspiracy against synthetic people and the fact they were manipulated to forbidd synth. At the the end of season 1, the Federation erased the laws banned against Synth and ... that is all ? The Federation did exactly the same thing with Augment people, they never allow them to be normal citizens or in Starfleet. Several episodes show us this dark side of the Federation. But with Data and Dahj’s death, with Soji out of Earth we didn’t get to see how badly it was for Synth people to live under the Federation.

The writers had several option to picture Star Trek more darker by showing ushow bad the Romulan refugees crisis is or how bad it is for Synth people. The only Romulans refugees we got are Laris and Zhaban, they seemed happy with Picard, maybe they are victim of prejudices, but they were writing off.

Despite this flaws, I enjoyed Star Trek Picard. I hope it’ll be better in season 2, the casting is perfect and all the characters have a lot of potential. It will be a waste to kill some of them. What is interesting is to make them face the consequences of their act and to make them grow up or to make them fall at the end of the story (like Dukhat and Kai Winn in DS9).

I watch TV shows for entertainment, so I don’t care if a show is more adult. I don’t think Star Trek writers should dismiss teens stories. Some of them are really dark after all. And I don’t think the death of a character should be a means to an end.

[wanna-b-poet31]

Would I Lie to You?

It would not be inaccurate to say that Crowley lies. Alot. 

In fact, while I’ve previously talked about how Aziraphale lies through his teeth, TO GOD, TO GABRIEL, and >most heartbreakingly< TO CROWLEY, Crowley is the infinitely more creative and believable liar. He has significantly fewer tells (when not stressed, like you know, after his lover best friend died), watching him seems so much more natural than the twitchy, anxious, Angel we all know and love. 

He has some notable lies throughout the mini-series: 

Some are minor with big consequences, like in the reports where he takes responsibility for Humanity’s misdeeds.

some are omissions, like when he deliberately He fails to tell the higher-ups in Hell about his knowledge about the Anti-Christ, the location of the Anti-Christ and neglected to correct Hell about it.

Some are a matter of self-preservation, like when he hides his intimate relationship with Aziraphale from Hell 

Some are for protection. He says he wants the holy water for “insurance” and when Hastur comes after him (and threatens to go after Aziraphale), his claim comes to fruition. He, however, lies several times in an effort to protect himself and Aziraphale,(and I suppose the world) from Hastur’s wrath. You can see this most notably after Ligur’s death, which makes these lies also kinda a personal “fuck you” to Hastur, (but he’s murderous so he deserves it sorta)

And Finally, some lies are directly in an effort to save Aziraphale. Most obvious of which is when he *spoiler* Impersonates Aziraphale (An F to the U to Heaven kind of lie)

But. NEVER. Once. does. he. lie. to. Aziraphale.

Unlike the demons who he easily deceives at any given moment (particularly in defense of Aziraphale), he refuses to lie to the deceitful.

Are you Satan and have just “blessed” Crowley with the staring role in the Apocalypse?  Yeah, great (lies through his teeth about wanting to partake).

Are you a Duke of Hell inquiring about where the Anti-Christ is and trying to confront Crowley about his relationship with Aziraphale? “So Longggg Suckaaas” I’m gonna lie lie lie and possibly kill you for coming towards me and Aziraphale.

Are you heaven trying to torture my best friend >lover< with hellfire that will surely kill him? Not today motherfucker, because guess what? Now I’m him and I’ll lie my ass off to protect him.

Are you an Angel who shows free will and loves humanity as much as he does? 404 Error lies not found.

This is not to say he’s always honest about his feeling with Aziraphale. God knows he has really bad communication skills. “NGK”’s and stammering aside, he has an unfortunate self-esteem issue which inhibits his confidence and ability to be fully transparent.  This is to say nothing about the 1960′s “go too fast for me” interaction which does little to encourage him. And God, Satan, fuck knows he’s so desperate, to be honest about this, but so scared about being rejected, (and concerned about making Aziraphale uncomfortable, because he’d be rather walk on the consecrated ground than have Aziraphale feel pressured to go a speed he’s uncomfortable with).  

Anthony J(anthony) Crowley, OR What’s In A Name?

Which, let’s talk about surprise confrontations, namely when he’s confronted about his name. Names, I think it’s fair to say, are intimate for Crowley. Not only does he have a canonic deadname, (that fuckers like Hastur continuously use despite knowing he doesn’t use that word), but he is very selective about how open he is with it. In many ways, the Nazis “out” his full name, and despite this, he is transparent, answering Aziraphale’s questions about it.  This is, remember, after falling out, and (presumably) not seeing each other for almost 80 years. He is uncomfortable clearly, (although part of that is attributed both to the Nazis and the consecrated ground he’s prancing around on) but he’s still directly ready to start communicating about it. 

But, despite his apprehension, I don’t think he even lies through omission. When he says the J is “just a J really”, I believe him. 

Firstly, because he has no reason to lie about it at this moment and then immediately switch to honestly tell the Nazi’s that he intervened with the bombing, and is sending one directly down on them. Although he’s not believed by the Nazi’s, we (and Aziraphale) know that he’s being honest here and that his priority, above even his own safety, is protecting Aziraphale. There seems to be no reason, to me at least, then for him to code shift here. 

Anthony J-“Acts of service” Crowley, is in the middle of yet another demonstration of his love. While he might be hesitant to disclose his motives (see: the few seconds of resistance when at the satanic church-turned-paintball-retreat between telling Aziraphale he replaced the paint guns with real guns and revealing no one is killing each other) but he’s in the middle of rescuing Aziraphale, his comfort is very rarely a consideration he calculates for. Choosing to lie about something so personal, and yet taken out of his control is well within his rights. No one is entitled to out him, or you, without express consent.  However, it is out of character for him to do so given how much he trusts Aziraphale and needs his acceptance. 

Which brings me to the second reason I believe him. Trust. 

In this short exchange, he can tell when Aziraphale hears his secret name, the angel is not accusatory, or dismissive, or betrayed, or really particularly judgemental. Sure he asks “Anthony?” with an intonation denoting confusion at the revelation, and having the information conveyed not through Crowley himself (as he was with “Crowley”), but a third party, and an untrustworthy third party.  But even when Crowley presses “don’t like it?”, with a trying-not-to-be-scared-at-rejection air of confidence. Except, he’s not rejected. Aziraphale responds “no, I’ll get used to it”, placing the onus of learning on himself and not on Crowley for unexpectedly choosing a first name. Demonstrating, to Crowley at least, that he can be trusted with more information, without the harsh reaction he’s come to expect from Heaven or Hell. 

Look at the above GIF, and focus on the way Aziraphale asks “What does the J Stand for”. His face isn’t angry, (despite being miffed at Crowley not a full minute earlier when he suspected Crowley to be behind Nazism). He’s certainly not focused on “you’ve been hiding a name from me”, or feel entitled to know why he’s just finding out the name. Instead, he’s giving Crowley the opportunity to reveal this information on his own terms. And, effectively, removing power from the Nazis by ignoring them, and by making the conversation about Crowley’s preference. He’s giving Crowley an out here. Asking what it stands for puts the ball in Crowley’s court, not the Nazi’s, not Aziraphale’s, not Heaven or Hells, but Crowley's. He has the power to reveal as he pleases without an expectation or negative reaction. Aziraphale isn’t demanding, he’s asking permission. 

Then, Aziraphale subsequently doesn’t bring it up again. Not that night, not 20 years later, not as Nanny, and not at the Apocalypse. He only calls Crowley by his preferred names, and we never see him pressure Crowley to reveal the rationale. The ball is, still, in Crowley’s court.  

Whenever Aziraphale asks a question, no matter how light-hearted or serious, he will always give an honest answer, even if it sometimes goes over the angel’s head. >see: Crowley being a blubbering mess because his best friend died and Aziraphale not quite understanding that the best friend is him<

The Final Solution

I think a perfect example of his complicated, but raw, honesty towards Aziraphale specifically, is his request for holy water.

So this is a tense interaction, and arguably really abrupt given both Aziraphale’s surprise and the two friendly interactions we’d seen beforehand.  However, never once during this whole request does Crowley lie. Sure, he’s being cryptic, trying to speak in code “because the trees have ears”, but when he says it’s for insurance, not a suicide pill, it is for insurance. 

He, more than anyone else, can tell that his relationship with Aziraphale has morphed in such a way over the thousands of years that he knows exposure would put him and, more importantly, put Aziraphale, in danger. We don’t see much of Hell, but we can deduce that if Hell ever found out about it --if it all goes pear-shaped -- they would be subjected to horrific consequences, possibly torture, probably holly water. 

Aziraphale, simply, does not believe him that his only motivation is protection because it is too close to his own fears about Crowley being destroyed.

Which is why I think Crowley’s so upset about the word “fraternize”. First, there is a class element involved with the Victorian use of the word (usually referring to someone of a higher class interacting friendly to a lower class member). Where Aziraphale may have meant comradery (and brotherhood, which also not how Crowley views their relationship) Crowley certainly acts as if he took it to mean Aziraphale was speaking to him like an enemy or an “inferior” species.

This is only further supported by Aziraphale’s accusatory “we may have both started out as Angels, but YOU are fallen”, placing (in my opinion) too much emphasis on Crowley’s fall (a huge retraumatizing trigger for him). But this whole characterization of their relationship is a lie Aziraphale tells himself to repress his fears about Heaven’s traumatic treatment of him. By this point in their partnership (as we’ve seen) both he and Crowley go out of their ways to treat each other as equals. 

To deny it, to repress their feeling is a slap. in. the. face.

Further, the audience for lying clearly matters to Crowley.  In the relative privacy of the park, Aziraphale says “fraternize”, which doesn’t do enough justice for the kind of intimacy the uniquely share. It implies they could be enemies or strangers (which they aren’t, they’re at least friends). Crowley is so intimately aware that even now, in the 1800′s, it’s them (and humanity) against divinity.  And, Crowley refuses to lie to Aziraphale, especially about the sort of relationship they share. Sure he won’t tell the other demons, and sure as hell won’t tell the angels how deep their relationship goes, but in this private moment, where he’s approaching as a partner (not an adversary)? It would be the worst kind of lie. It would ignore or erase the new space they’ve created for themselves where they can be equals.

In the above gif, we see Crowley angry and lash out. He says harsh words and insists that he doesn’t need Aziraphale. 

Since we’re counting, I don’t think this is a lie. Now, no, it is untrue, he clearly does need Aziraphale in his life, but he’s just been smacked in the face with the insinuation that they are not equals, they are not friends, they are enemies, and I believe him at this moment, a very hurt Crowley, decides if that’s how Aziraphale is going to treat him, then Crowley will treat him like he treats everyone else in his life. He doesn’t need them. He doesn’t need God, even though he talks to her; he doesn’t need Hell or Beelzebub, even though he curtsies to them; he doesn’t need Heaven, even though he will endure them for his Angel. So, clearly, if Aziraphale is going to ask to be treated like everyone else, he will. 

At the moment he says I think he means it.  Crowley cannot nor, given how everyone else in the series treats him, should not make time for someone who won’t take his concerns seriously. If Aziraphale is going to act as if he thinks so little of their relationship, then he doesn’t need Aziraphale in his life. Essentially, If he can’t be seen as an equal, he’d prefer not to be seen at all.

A Queer Little Lie

Although, this is a temporary truth, and one Crowley is more than willing to correct because he cares about Aziraphale in a way he never does for his hellish counterparts. Crowley cares too deeply to wish Aziraphale any real harm, even if Aziraphale can’t call a spade a spade. Crowley knows that he’s being lied to. He knows that Aziraphale is as afraid of repercussions as he is. He also knows that Aziraphale is not “out” in the same way he is.  

Although that’s a post for a different day, you can certainly read Crowley and Aziraphale as being different kinds of queer. Crowley is the outed queer, abandoned, kicked out of his home, and really never given the choice to come out of the closet. Like his name, it was done for him. Aziraphale, in contrast, is the closeted queer who either knows his family will reject him, so he does his best passing, or he has been conditioned his whole life to believe being out in the way Crowley is wrong. He knows that his “family” who is supposed to unconditionally love him, will reject him, and so he has developed the protection of lying. It gives him a sense of safety and control over his situation, letting him (albeit unhealthily) cope.  He’s afraid to take that jump over the edge.

So, to protect himself and Crowley, Aziraphale lies.   

Knowing this doesn’t mean Aziraphale isn’t hurting Crowley. He is. 

But, Crowley understands both the fear and pain that comes with the rejection and is doing his best to provide the support that is being denied. He sure as Hell would move heaven and earth to demonstrate the extent of his love and commitment to Aziraphale in a way that Heaven never does.  Where Heaven and Hell lie and gaslight and hurt Azira, Crowley meets him with kindness, even in the face of these lies.

He shows as much in his rescue in 1941, and again when Aziraphale once again lies and says “we’re not friends…I don’t even like you” in the bandstand. These lies actively hurt Crowley but not once does he retaliate with.  Instead, he meets Aziraphale with blunt honesty. Saying “yes you do” doing everything he can to get Aziraphale on the same page, and share their truth.

Look at the above gifs. Not only does Crowley KNOW Aziraphale is lying, but Aziraphale knows it too. While he clearly loves Crowley and has loved Crowley for some time, his inability to work through his anxieties and rely on Crowley as a support system, as a partner, he can’t come to terms with his own trauma.

So, Aziraphale lies.

He lies and he hurts Crowley. He lies and he dismisses Crowley’s honesty. He lies and he harms himself because they both know this is a facade he can’t keep up much longer. He lies, because everything else in his life is unstable, and he’s desperately trying to cling to the stability Heaven claims to provide. And, Crowley still meets him with honesty and forgiveness.

And honestly, it breaks his heart (and mine) to belied to so damn much. Under normal circumstances, Crowley could be patient. He could wait for Aziraphale to come to terms with their relationship almost for forever. But, shit hits the fan, and he needs to show Aziraphale that two of them need to stop dancing, stop being cryptic, and cut through the bullshit for once.

Which brings me to the first Gif of this meta. Take a moment, scroll the ridiculous amount up, and just look at the indignation on his face. in the earlier gif “Would I lie to you?”, 

He clearly consciously makes a point to never lie to Aziraphale, despite it supposedly being “the demon’s way”. Not in anger (like at the bandstand) not even if it’s uncomfortable (like when he’s criticizing Aziraphale for being so clever and so stupid), not even if the angel is (knowingly or unknowingly) hurting him with his lies.

Crowley draws the line at tainting his relationship with the kind of lies Heaven tells, and the kind of disregard Hell tells.  Because despite the lies he’s told by Aziraphale, Crowley knows who he can trust, who he needs on his side, who he wants to spend the end of the world with, and it sure as hell isn’t Hastur or Beelzebub.  

Because at the end of the day, Crowley knows what the two of them share together.  One great way to see this comparison is to checkout @theladyzephyr ‘s meta on Crowley and his glasses. Because while he does let his guard down for Aziraphale (even if only drunk), his autonomy, his consent to be himself is constantly being taken from him.  His name, his glasses, his support system (including Aziraphale), and everything he loves is taken from him. 

Aziraphale, for all his lies, does not cross the most sacred of personal boundaries as Hell does. He genuinely cares for Crowley even if he’s scared, and when the chips are down he will pick Crowley, pick humanity, and pick their side. He shows remorse for his actions and is clearly just as hurt by his own lies as Crowley is. 

More importantly, he comes back. He joins Crowley, and helps support Crowley, and does his best to empower our demon to heal. 

TLDR: Crowley refuses to lie to Aziraphale. Many Hearts are broken. Aziraphale does his best. Someone give Crowley a Hug. 

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk! 

@aardvark-crowley

[pootlespud]

Ready Player Two by Ernest Cline (Book Review)

Monday 30th November 2020 Book Review - Ready Player Two by Ernest Cline First time reading. Rating: ** So I finished Ready Player Two! I'm sad to say that it didn't live up to the expectations I had for it especially after I thoroughly enjoyed reading Armada earlier this year. I did see some negative comments about RP2 before I started reading it so I'm not sure if that just put me in a mindset of negativity or if I would have felt this way even if I hadn't seen negative comments. The first part of this review will be spoiler free and the later part will include spoilers but I'll include a warning where the spoilers start. I also know this is a long one so there's a tldr on the last page if you'd rather read it!

[Spoiler free section but contains spoilers for Ready Player One] Ready Player Two picks up where Ready Player One left off, Wade has won Hallidays contest and inherited the OASIS and the rest of Hallidays property. As part of his inheritance, Wade comes across new technology developed by Halliday but never released to the world that leads Wade and the rest of the High 5 on a new Easter Egg hunt with a brand new villain turning up to make things complicated. My biggest issues were in the first 100 pages with the writing, pacing and characters and then when the plot finally got going my issue was with the main villain and their treatment. I also just find it awkward reading Cline's attempts at women, POC and LGBT+ representation. While I do appreciate the effort and inclusion, it's not done very well and clearly Cline hasn't got the right people around him to point this out. As well as issues with his writing of these types of characters I also have issues with the content. Unnecessary sex references, repeating small points multiple times, over-complication of minor details, treating the reader like an idiot, and more effort put into the nostalgic references rather than progressing the plot. A lot of these also combine into the issues I had early in the book with the pacing, sometimes moments were being unnecessarily drawn out and other times there were moments which I wish had more attention given to them. As the book progressed I found this issue lessened as the plot moved forward but it's still something that was an issue for me again towards the end. Most of the characters I actually didn't have a huge issue with apart from some characters being more side-lined and not getting quite as much time as I would have liked but that would be a minor issue. My bigger issue, especially at the beginning of the book, was with Wade, our main character. He's obnoxious and brags about everything he now has. He has an anger issue which makes him even more unlikeable and he totally violates the privacy of people using the OASIS system! As the plot progresses and he has less opportunities to be like this I found I could tolerate him more but there were still lines that I found myself scoffing at throughout the book. I want to also talk about the villain and why I had issues there as well but because it would contain spoilers I'll talk about what I did like first of all, explain the reasons for my rating and then get into the spoilers. So! Although I've been pretty negative so far there was some parts I actually did like which stopped me from dnf-ing the book. Although RP2 has some pretty bad writing and pacing issues I did actually enjoy the plot. I thought when it eventually got going it was actually pretty fun and I enjoyed a lot of the references even though Cline does treat his readers a bit like we're idiots when he's explaining them. I also still love Samantha/Art3mis and a lot of the other characters in the book so that managed to keep me going. Samantha has always been the more level headed and responsible one but she's still utterly badass and I wouldn't mind her being a role model for young girls reading these books. I was sort of conflicted between 2 and 3 stars for my rating because while in the end I can say I reasonably enjoyed the book I also had so many issues and those first 100 pages really annoyed me. Ultimately I settled on 2 stars because I know that I'm never going to reread this book but I also didn't dislike it enough to only give it 1 star. Now I'm going to get into the spoiler section and talk about my main issues with the villain and some of the spoiler-ey stuff that I actually did like so this is your spoiler warning for this section! [SPOILERS for Ready Player Two] So the villain is Halliday. Not really, technically the villain is a corrupted copy of Halliday's memories housed inside his OASIS avatar Anorak. I think by making this distinction Cline was trying to show a difference between Halliday and Anorak and that they're two different "people" which possibly would have been fine if Cline hadn't also totally dragged on the "real" Halliday in the process. He goes to great lengths to let us know that the real Halliday actually wasn't a good guy at all and was actually a sociopath. I have a few issues with this. The first and more minor issue is that, from what I remember, Halliday is portrayed as a good guy in RP1 and somebody a lot of the characters, especially Wade, admire. I didn't reread or rewatch RP1 before reading RP2 (especially as the movie is so different) so maybe I'm misremembering but it just felt like such a shock. I am well aware that Halliday wasn't perfect, especially when it comes to Kira and Og but that doesn't mean he needs to be villainised! I think the first book/movie perfectly showed how flawed he was without making him a villain and it's just so upsetting to me that Cline went in this direction for RP2. I also have an issue with Halliday as the villain because I think it could be so damaging for people who looked at Halliday and saw this socially awkward introvert who is also a genius and were inspired by that or could see parts of themselves in Halliday's character but now they're being told that, actually, because he pined after his friend's wife he's a sociopath! I think it could be so damaging to people who looked up to him. As I said, Halliday in the first book is flawed but so is everybody and he could still have been a brilliant role model for kids if Cline hadn't taken RP2 in this direction. For my final complaint regarding Halliday I felt like his relationship with Og and Kira was ruined in this book. Yes, in the first book his relationship with them was strained but I feel like they still loved each other. Even though Og had nothing to do with the company anymore Halliday still included Og in his will. I think Og still had affection for him and I never felt like they were friends through any sense of duty from Og. But here that relationship was totally butchered and Halliday felt like somebody Og and Kira tolerated because they felt sorry for him. And look where it got them, he totally violated Kira's privacy multiple times! Because of course Halliday couldn't just harmlessly pine over her, he had to go and do something absolutely mental. It just feels so out of character because even though he's a bit socially awkward he's a really smart man and should know better than to do this! It also at times felt like Halliday was the butt of their jokes which is just horrible! And not at all how I remembered any of these characters. As I said, maybe I'm mis-remembering but even so it was still a cause of discomfort and greatly affected my enjoyment of the book. But that's not all folks! Anorak isn't the only villain! Sorento is back! I just don't like the character at all so instantly I was annoyed because I dislike him so much but then he really wasn't involved that much at all which makes me wonder why Cline even brought him back to begin with?! He had one moment towards the end where he played a role in the death of Og and the "battle"/"escape" (how ever you want to word it) that ensued but I feel like this could have been done in a different way without having to bring Sorento back just for this. For spoiler-ey stuff that I did like. I liked Kira being more of a central character and getting to find out more about her. I think she's a really cool character and it was nice to go on her adventure this time around. I liked all the quests for the shards, especially the John Hughes one as a big John Hughes fan myself! I also liked the final battle between Og and Anorak. It's something that I think Cline does really well and also showed that he can do big, epic endings without it having to be a big battle sequence with lots of characters. 1v1 worked just as well and was just as enjoyable to read if not even more so. And that's the end of the spoiler section! Here's the tldr because I know this has been a long one! TLDR (Spoiler free) I had a lot of issues with Ready Player Two, specifically with the writing, pacing and handling of some of the key characters. I gave it 2 stars because I already know I'm not going to reread it so I wouldn't give it a 3 but I didn't dislike it enough to give it a 1. There were some elements that I did enjoy that managed to keep me going. Thanks so much for reading! Let me know if you've read RP2 and your thoughts or if you're planning on reading it (if so I hope you enjoy it more than I did!) Rating: ** Blog | Twitter | Goodreads (Read it first on my blog.)