#and theyre just used to literally endless support

[poorlittlevampire]

as a massive ac fan i understand the frustration but this is how nintendo has run for a while now lol they stopped focusing on it bc there was money to be made elsewhere (like splat3 which apparently shared a lot of the same devs, and most were moved from ac to work on splat from what ive heard)

[nururu]

American leftist liberal rage is so fucking disgusting and y'all will literally never see it. You think you're so right because you understand the information that was spoonfed to you by the exact same people who have all the control and are spoon feeding you what they want you to eat. Not a single one of you reads actual history or anarchist text. Not a single one of you listens to indigenous people. You're hanging on by a string and youre STILL like "oh Democrats are better bc they did some good things" you do realize they've divided policy up so they can yoyo back and forth and keep half of you happy for a few years, and then trade and make the other half happy while the other side isn't? You do realize it's a deep and intelligent manipulation, correct??? If a guy can make a card disappear right in front of you with nothing but technique and smoke and mirrors, imagine what the US government is doing with all their endless resources. You stupid fucks who keep insisting on supporting the two party system are just white supremacy coattail riders and you'll never fucking see it. Your ignorance and your weak mind that's easily manipulated and your refusal to listen to indigenous ppl in this country and to actually do some real fucking self educating, is one of white supremacies biggest weapons. Congratulations. You're the gun in the hand. You're the bullets in the chamber. Thank you so much for happily continuing to assist in genocide. In the US and in other countries. You SHOULD distrust this government. You're an idiot if you really think either side cares about helping you. Trump did a lot of good things in office too. The fact that you guys dick ride for Biden "he did good things even tho he's committing genocide" and don't do the same thing for trump, who also managed to do some good things, just shows how fucking stupid you are. Of course they both did good things. They want one side to believe their guy is the best and they want the other side to believe THEIR guy is the best. OF FUCKING COURSE THEYD HAVE THEM PASS NO STAKES POLICIES THAT PLEASE THE SIDE THEYRE MANIPULATING. I genuinely fucking hate you people. Read a god damn book by someone who's NOT fucking WHITE..

[stabethadeathwhisper]

Not to be like "all disabled people can also be part of the endless value grind" or "all disabled people can or should secretly be able to work" (extremely untrue and genuinely hurtful ways to view the disabled) but heres the thing

If you give a disabled person enough time and support and care, they WILL find something they WANT to do. They will get themselves to a place where they are in control, and stable, and start putting their effort into learning SOMETHING they can do within their new limitations. Like, all those stories of the gold star folks that climb mt everest without legs and stuff--those arent the standard we should all be held to, or what "we can do of we put our minds to it"

Those are people who werent imminently at risk for homelessness or not being able to pay for their drugs, who had the support of the people around them to help figure out what they were still capable of, and how to get there. Theyre one in a million because the rest of us get left to scrape and starve and barely make it through, and we never get a chance to even become stable long enough to find something we CAN do.

Like, i could work just about any desk job. But i cant finish highschool, because theres no accomodations theyre willing to make for me, and i cant afford to travel every day or be healthy enough to attend a learning center every day. Thats literally why i dropped out to begin with. So i can't get a desk job, and i can't do work appropriate to my condition. I became an artist instead, which i was lucky enough to be able to do because i live with my parents still. If my parents couldnt support me, or i didnt have a place to stay, i would be in an assissted living home for the rest of my life despite being like, 50% completely normal. That's not right. And we get shown all these articles telling us that this is wjat we SHOULD be. And all it really is is reminding us that we COULD be doing something we loved, if anyone actually cared enough to literally just want us to survive even.

[shingogf]

☕ give me your opinion on the tf2 classes (favorite and least favorite?)

Leave it to ur brave mutuals to ask the important questions <3333

Now, IN THEORY i main medic. Only because uhh...self explanatory. Hes my beloved blorbo and thats literally the only reason why i ever forced myself to get good at playing him bc when playing games like tf2 i NEVER touch support but medic is special to me💜 i literally paid a fortunte for the burly beast💜💜💜

However i will say the unique mechanics he has makes playing him (with a semi competent team at least) extremely fun and rewarding like u can clearly see a difference between him and other support classes from other games. I LOVE the many mediguns you can use theyre all useful for all sorts of situations but holy shit will i forever complain abt the speed of the syringes from the guns like ik he shouldnt be buffed more bc hes already THE MOST important but. A little projectile speed increase never hurt anyone💔 and its so mf fun controlling the lives of ur teammates like i use the "be in control of who dies and who doesn't" approach 💜💜💜 no pocketing either yall r cringe lmao

I also quite enjoy playing spy (specifically w the dead ringer i almost always use it) even tho its hard as shit and often times frustrating :/ i ve been forcing myself (again) to play him more lately and get better even tho most servers have such shitty teams i feel like i can barely play him lmao😭 like i'll change 5 diff servers and theyre all like idk 7 players on each team

Pyro is also dear to me seeing how when i first started playing tf2 years ago they were the class i found the easiest to play bc its very fun killing ppl w combos. or if ur getting fed up just using the phlog in tight maps like dustbowl💀 i still play them often even today cuz i just think their aesthetic is neat and they have VERY nice cosmetics

Aside from soldier whom i occasionally play bc of the endless fun that comes with rocket jumping, i dont really have strong opinions on any other classes excepting sniper. Sniper is my absolute LEAST fav class to play simply bc he doesnt fit my playing style. Demo i scarcely play but im very neutral on, scout is the same except hes a bit too fast compared to what im used to, engineer and heavy i only play if its absolutely required. With heavy i find slow moving classes annoying but it CAN be fun if u have a medic buddy👍

[plunnies-n-shit]

Chronic pain ichigo

Because you cant suffer that much physical trauma in the years you have some of your most physical development and not walk away with some serious problems.

Most days its not bad. A twinge here when he tries to grab something off the top shelf. A sting there when he turns too fast and doesnt think about the angle of his knee.

But its still. present. Always. In his wrists and fingers from battle after battle jarring the joints and bones. His shoulders-- Zangetsu is still heavy, for all ichigos enhanced strength, and he rarely had the chance to warm up properly. His back aches almost constantly, where Aizen literally took a chip out of his spine.

(And, before any of that: Isshins "training". Tumbling down stairs, being kicked in the shoulders or back or ribs or knees. Endless microfractures along his arms that sometimes heal stronger and sometimes... dont.)

For the most part he can power through it, but....

There are days when Uryu drops by to pick up ichigos homework because ichigo cant get out of bed. When yuzu has to bring food up to ichigo. A stool in the shower. Crutches and braces by the door, or the bed.

The couch in the living room folds out into a bed. Theres a desk down there too, clearly used, but no chair. A wheelchair in the corner-- unsurprising, sometimes isshins work migrates from the clinic into the house, but this one is the kind that can be easily moved by the user, instead of the usual hospital kind, and its starting to get fairly worn.

Grimmjow finds it.... difficult. Sometimes. To reconcile the headstrong warrior he spars with, with the man who sometimes lays on the couch supported by a dozen pillows because thats the only way he can exist without crippling pain.

He understands, intellectually, that there is no difference-- the ichigo that sometimes has to strap on a kneebrace just to get around the house is the same ichigo who can (and will) gleefully grind grimms teeth into the dirt. But sometimes grimmjow holds ichigo while ichigo sobs because back spasms hit out of nowhere and there is very little that can be done to offer immediate relief and grimmjow just

Doesn't understand how ichigo keeps going

("You just. Learn to live with it, I guess," Ichigo admits. Theyre at a coffeeshop, watching orihime and tatsuki argue about dresses of all things, as though uryu wont insist on making their dresses himself. "I got lucky, I guess. Dad is a doctor-- we caught it early, and I never really had to want for anything. But..." Grimmjow watches Ichigos hands shake as he takes a careful sip. Its not a bad day, all things considered. Ichigo is out of bed, and sitting up isnt hurting him too badly. They can take a garganta home, instead of fighting with public transport. And still....

"You find things to live for, I guess. Reasons to keep going," Ichigo finishes with a lazy smile, and he looks at Grimmjow like Grimmjow is the moon and all the stars in the sky, and Grimmjow's not-heart aches.)

[mechecolomar-archive]

genuinely curious: do you think that the depictions of homophobic abuse and violence towards lgbt characters in tlou2 outweighs the portrayal of their other experiences and happy moments of love/self expression? is it bad representation if the lgbt characters go through strife and pain as well as being happy and allowed to express themselves? i feel like there are valid criticisms to be made, but views on lgbt rep tend to be pretty polarized, either "it's great" or "it's bad" with no nuance

I think a big issue I have with the characters and representation specifically in The Last of Us 2 is that in the game the characters feel like they were created solely to serve a point in the plot, the game’s tone is progressively bleak (and the violence is gratuitous), and the inclusion of bigotry also felt unnecessary.

As a disclaimer, I’m not saying tlou2, Naughtydog, or even Neil Druckmann is simply homophobic because the gay character gets in fights and all that, but for me personally I felt that the treatment of lgbt characters in the game made me uncomfortable and wasn't satisfying. I’m glad they weren't outright stereotypes, but I’d like it if there was a bit kinder treatment of these characters. It just really feels like nd heard they didn’t do diversity well in the first game and just threw in a bunch of poc and lgbt characters without really thinking... I don’t think what happens is homophobic, but it feels very thoughtless.

The characters in tlou2 are not well done, I’m not sure what happened between The Last of Us and tlou2, but they do not feel the same at all. Every character in the game feels very weak and the player themselves cant name 10 facts about each one, even characters like Abby or Dina (I’m excluding Ellie and Joel because they already existed). This applies the most to Jessie imo, but I’ll only discuss Ellie, Dina, and Lev since they are the lgbt characters in the game. in tlou2 Ellie is just the vengeful character and as Neil put it, “the villain.” tlou2 could have been a wonderful opportunity to add more to her story, but here she’s basically just the traumatized girl who likes girls and is playing the guitar to remember Joel. Dina is basically the player’s partner who is randomly benched halfway through and from a narrative point she is something that Ellie can lose, you learn she has some ability with tinkering, she is Jewish, bi, has a sister... and not much else. Finally Lev feels like the main justification to sympathize with Abby, without Abby he is introduced literally being hunted because he is trans. Every character in the game is like this, but with these three very prominent characters, it’s disappointing.

Next, for tlou2 the violence seems to be double what happened in tlou, being much more detailed and forcing you to look at what is happening (Ellie getting her face smashed in and Abby threatening to kill Dina and its good because she is pregnant). Tlou was able to thread the needle concerning this successfully; having Ellie being kidnapped, hunted, and almost being sexually assaulted to immediately having the famous scene where Joel and Ellie pet giraffes. Tlou also (to my knowledge) did not have those shock value moments 2 constantly has, and when there is violence its rarely explicitly shown. Now in tlou2 this is almost the opposite, instead of going back and forth between intense and calm scenes, the sequel seems to steadily go downhill in tone. I know that these specific characters arent being hurt BECAUSE they’re lgbt, but its still not good to see.

The happiest moments are the beginning with Dina and Ellie, but while they're having fun and making out together what’s happening? Joel is currently getting his face caved in by Abby. Halfway through the game after Ellie and Dina are beaten, it seems to go back up in tone, but ooc tommy forces Ellie to turn back to revenge and the whole thing comes crashing back down. “I’m afraid of ending up alone” Ellie chooses to leave Dina and Ellie’s life is now hell going all the way back to Abby. After all this Ellie comes back to their house but her family is no longer there. Ellie is alone. I have a huge issue with the ending and it’s that you are explicitly shown that everything there is sad. Nd doesn't make “letting go” of Joel a relief, and they don’t show any implication of Ellie reuniting with Dina. Our lesbian protagonist is now living her worst fear, even though she did the “right” thing and spared Abby. Lev’s ending is clearly better because he’s affiliated with Abby, but it doesn’t change that throughout the story he’s repeatedly hurt and has a similar fall to Ellie after Abby thinks she finds the fireflies, he is never explicitly shown recovering from being made a literal slave and almost crucified.

My last issue is that the bigotry is entirely uncalled for, especially in a world that is as already violent as they’ve made tlou2. One of the most striking moments to me in tlou2 is Dina saying, “What’s this” referring to lgbt flags, indicating she has no concept of pride for being bisexual. Ellie also has no clue and they joke about the erotica and thats the end of that. Later Ellie is called a slur. The man who does it isnt exactly punished and Ellie is forced to make up with him later. That scene and the scene at the end somehow included Ellie, but clearly were about Joel. The last flashback is used as a tragic “Ellie could have forgiven Joel but he was killed :(” scene, there’s very little focus about her sexuality positively. Ellie and Dina are also never openly gay, the one time they are (in a room full of maybe 50 people) Ellie is called a d*ke. Ellie’s previous gf is scrapped except for subtle concept art and notes and she only has one conversation in the beginning mentioning a her.

Then on the opposite side of characters, Lev’s entire story outside of and before Abby is being hunted simply because he is trans. He’s deadnamed multiple times and even Abby cluelessly says it (??). There’s endless reasons why he could have been hunted (hell, just simply wanting to leave the cult because theyre so violent), but nd went with this... for some reason. Him being trans is also never discussed in a positive way other than Abby’s weird attempt to make him feel better by giving him a toy (”Hey, I know your group you grew up with and family literally wants you dead, but uh, would a toy help?”). Lev THEN goes BACK to the people who wants him dead, and we’re shown that his mother has viciously attacked him and he accidentally kills her due to this. Him being trans is never mentioned again... I don’t think we have to exactly hide homophobia in fiction, but I personally do not play a game to get called a slur, I can find that irl. Also if these things were to be included, they could have at least shown comfort after, but they don’t. The scenes are simply more shocking violence and are never mentioned again, simply skipped over. Nd used these characters being lgbt as an excuse for them to be discriminated against for it instead of anything positive.

Their advertising of Ellie kissing a girl in 2018 and in 2020 having her be called a slur instantly after what was shown to us is just SO jarring... Nd and their stans like to say, “Well if you don’t like The Last of Us 2, you’re just homophobic.” but that’s honestly so ridiculous. There simply can’t be more instances of oppression than acceptance and think you're doing something good?? Revealing Lev’s deadname gives people an opportunity to be transphobic, having Ellie be called a slur and lash out at Joel after gives people a reason to be angry at her there. You simply can’t include these things if it can do the opposite thing that you want. The point of including minorities in fiction should be so people can related and identify with these characters, not as some virtual reminder that people will hate you specifically for these reasons. It should not be too much to ask for a character you are like to be treated well and nd not listening to fans critique the game is sad,

I suppose I appreciate the attempt at inclusion, but it feels like a failed one that I preferred would not have happened, or at least had been strongly corrected. It would have been different if maybe Ellie had reunited with Dina apologizing, Abby telling Lev she supports him, Joel saying he loves Ellie, or even Dina and Ellie talking about being gay in some way thats anything other than making out and calling each other “babe”, but idk... that didn’t happen. Dina and Ellie are clearly supposed to be the main rep, but I feel like they really missed things they could have mentioned. This rep really reminds me of Life is Strange, but I can’t decide if dying or ending up alone and depressed at the end is worse. I’m probably missing more things but yeah... It would be cool if my lesbian protagonist did not have to be traumatized for an overdone, useless story.

[millennialzadr]

WHY I LOVE ZADR!!!

HEY GUYS WHASSUP? LMAO

So this is a whole ass giant long post of me absolutely spewing my feelings of love for ZADR, it was the very first thing I wrote when I made this blog and I think it’s a nice, positive thing for my fellow shippers to inhale and enjoy 👌👌

it was originally a reply to mitarashiart’s post about why HE loves ZADR (link in replies) but I decided to delete that and make my own post since MY WHOLE ENTIRE TEXT WALL WAS SHOWN IN THE REPLIES and drowned out anyone else who was trying to talk (thanks tumblr mobile u fuckin idiot)

I had also posted a summary of an AU that I’m working on in the original post, but decided to remove it since it just about doubled the length (I’m thinking about posting it separately along with the wips I’ve been putting together, we’ll see 👀)

But ANYWAY, here is about a million reasons why I think ZADR is the fucking best, so if you like reading gushy gay ship feelings, please enjoy ❤️❤️❤️

[Posted June 2019][WARNING, LONG ASS THOUGHT BARF]

SOOO, holy hell y’all my journey back into this fandom has been a wild and unique experience for me, i went from adding invader zim to my bookmarks on kisscartoon, rewatching the series, finding out theres a movie coming out, finding out there was a shitload of content i’d never seen before (commentaries, lost episode scripts and audios, panels, the COMIC, episodes i’d never seen because the dvd i used to watch was scratched!! and a FUCKLOAD of quality modern fan art like oh my GOD) and finally curiously googling ‘zadr’ (which i was way into when i was maybeee 13/14) to see if there was any interesting new art, and holy hell, mita (the artist above) singlehandedly THREW me down the hole into modern zadr hell, first with his absolutely stunning IZ art (all his art is dope tho check him out yo), then reading the above explanation put the final nail in the coffin like, 100%

so i wanted to add onto his post here on why this ship got me so fucked up, both for anyone who might be wondering why on earth i’m shipping two characters from a kid’s show (i’m very aware how weird that is at first glance trust me) and also so i can get some ideas down for possible future reference (will i ever draw them? maybe)

(first of all, a disclaimer, and this is not pleasant to write but it’s important to address for clarity’s sake: I have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships between minors, and do not ship zim and dib as they are presented canonically in the show (as children). what i’m interested in is the conceptualized relationship they may have as modern adults, and i view zadr more as taking the concepts of existing characters and experimenting with them with different interpretations, which i personally think is a constructive and fun creative outlet, especially if these characters hold personal significance for you (childhood faves of course). growing up together is an important facet of their relationship, and certainly they were important to each other even as children (see: mopiness of doom) but as an adult i’m personally curious about what kind of adults they might’ve become, and that’s the focus of my interest. i’ll still be reblogging regular IZ art because it’s dope but if you see shippy looking art of them as tiny lil beans its either friendship or chibis (and i personally headcanon zim as getting taller with dib but some people stick with his canonical height when drawing them as adults, which is super short. it still doesn’t mean he’s a kid). aaand i wish i didnt have to write this and it would just be obvious but we live in a sick sad world and it is sourced from a children’s cartoon so i feel its necessary. end of disclaimer)

NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY

- ok, first reason’s a bit obvious - the nostalgia. holy hell, the feeling of rediscovering a ship that was popular when i was a preteen during the mid 2000s and discovering a totally new perspective on it as an adult comes with an almost totally overwhelming sense of nostalgia and comfort, as well as inspiration!! the kind of art that seems so common for zadr, these sketch pages of scenes and expressions and visual gags where artists would just scribble every idea they had and LOVE doing it, this was exactly the kind of art that made me so passionate about drawing as a kid, and it still sparks such a powerful feeling of love and admiration for me to this day. fan content of iz and zadr is simultaneously achingly familiar and totally new and fascinating, and it just makes me SO damn happy to consume, it is most definitely my new comfort content. and just, GOD. THE ART!! SO GOOD. FUCK

- now for the characters themselves: for some reason i just really love the thought of a mid twenties, modern Dib?? lanky goth dork, disaster bi, depressed as shit, uses bad sweaters and memes to cope?? when i was a kid i didn’t even LIKE Dib, but now i totally sympathize with him! he’s just a hyper obsessive nerd wishing there was more to life than the situation he got stuck with, how wildly relatable. he was a pretty big asshole as a kid (even to people besides zim) but he was also totally isolated and constantly bullied, so there’s a lot of room for growth. i feel there’s a lot of juicy character development potential for that boy, and there’s always been a special place in my heart for characters who are totally sad and screwed and hopeless, but there’s one thing, or person, that means the world to them and could possibly save them…

- aliens. Zim. i love nonhuman characters, i love monsters, i love aliens, i love characters that don’t understand human shit (and thus have much less room for shame or fear bc theyre just totally oblivious the negatives of modern society) and need guidance (bonding!!) from their human. i also love morally grey characters and characters with skewed logic, they’re always really interesting, and Zim himself just has such a unique personality and set of mannerisms, he contradicts himself a lot and you can never quite expect how he’ll behave, and i love that in a character, it makes them super versatile and fun, especially since there’s so many different possibilities for their development. Also, Zim is a gremlin, a little shit, and a disaster. I also love those traits in a character. And don’t even get me started on his character design?? big sparkly eyes? expressive antennae? monster teeth? complimenting colors? he’s adorable.

- mutual obsession. for someone like Dib, who seems almost repulsed by how boring and slow the people around him are, Zim quite literally personifies Dib’s  escapist fantasies, both as an inhuman entity from beyond the stars, and as a person who’s knowledge, charisma and mystery far exceeds that of anyone Dib has met in his entire life. (so basically what i’m saying is that for a shunned, jaded misanthropist, an actual alien is terribly alluring, even if said alien is dangerous, stupid, and possibly insane). not to mention Zim vindicates Dib’s entire life passion, the supernatural! Even when their relationship is totally negative, there is not a single inch of room for Dib to get tired of Zim. as mita explained, they validate each other. for Zim, WHO AGAIN, IS TOTALLY SHUNNED, ISOLATED, AND HATED BY EVERYONE HE KNOWS, Dib is the only person in the universe who gives a single shit about him!! he gives Zim credit as a threat, a capable invader, which if you ask me is the sole thing Zim is after (he’s hellbent on his mission because it would win him the approval of the tallest, all he’s ever wanted is recognition from the people he thinks so highly of). He literally gets depressed when Dib isn’t around to pay attention to him, not even the tallest were enough to motivate him before Dib came back. these two have no one and nothing without each other, and while lifelong nemeses is fine and dandy, i personally prefer friendship, affection and love, cause i’m a softie like that. how could they possibly get there after years of actively trying to kill each other?? well, i think under just the right circumstances it could become a possibility after a long, long time.

- growth. i. love. me. some. good. character growth. especially for characters with trauma/mental illness, bc again, relatable. these boys have issues, and as mita mentioned, their canon stories are actually INCREDIBLY sad! but the happy thought is, they could recover! they could help each other recover, for little reason other than the two are the only source of happiness for each other. now of course this also opens the gate for angst lovers, but at the same time offers potential for comforting, uplifting content of the boys supporting and inspiring each other, maybe even to the point of becoming happy and healthy enough to create the lives they want for themselves (as in appreciating life and doing things that make them actually happy instead of the delusions of grandeur they both sought when they were younger). gimme that positive shit and let the poor beans be happy  щ(ಠ益ಠщ)

- LITTLE THINGS. LITTLE THINGS THAT ONLY COME WITH CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. WITH HUMAN/NONHUMAN. WITH THE SHOW’S WEIRD LOGIC. Zim being the person Dib knows best and vice versa. Zim having an involuntary respect/admiration for Dib because he’s tall. Learning each other’s needs, limits, and communication methods, both emotionally and biologically. Sensitive antennae. Affectionate bickering. Being less insecure bc your partner literally has no idea why you see your flaws as flaws. Laughing at the flaws they do notice because they make no sense. Zim only wanting to eat waffles and chow mein. Dib being forced to overcome his depression lethargy and stay hygienic/keep the apartment clean because Zim has a sharper sense of smell and is afraid of germs. Endless conversation about anything and everything because they’re from literally different worlds, and endless intrigue. TOUCHING. TALKING. DOING EVERYTHING LIKE ITS THE VERY FIRST TIME AND ALWAYS NEEDING THE OTHER TO GUIDE THEM. HOLY HELL THERE IS SO MUCH POSSIBILITY FOR TINY LITTLE MOMENTS THAT MEAN THE WORLD. FUCK. GOT ME FUCKED UP.

so that wraps up the why. fuck man. its just such a good ship. if you read this big ass text post, thank you for indulging me, i hope you enjoyed it! because i enjoy it very much 👀 so stick around if you’d like to for a shit load of IZ and zadr content on this blog, possibly (MAYBE) even from me!! come roll around in alien hell with me why dontcha ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ its a fun time! thanks for reading!!!

-

SO THAT’S MY MANIFESTO Y’ALL, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH YOUR OWN REASONS!! I WOULD LOVE FOR THIS POST TO JUST BECOME A BIG GIANT PILE OF LOVE AND YELLING!! GO NUTS! SCREAM ABOUT IT! INFODUMP! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! I’LL READ EVERY LAST REPLY! Y’ALL DESERVE TO ENJOY YOUR SHIP BC IT’S LITERALLY THE FUCKING BEST!!! LOVE Y’ALL!!!!!!

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG [SPOILERS EDITION] // CHAPTER 16

WARNING: THE SPOILERS EDITION INCLUDES SPOILERS FROM THE ORIGINAL VERSION OF OFFAL HUNT AND GIVES AWAY PLOT IMPORTANT DETAILS NOT YET COVERED IN THE REMASTER. IF YOU ARE A NEW READER TO OFFAL HUNT, DO NOT READ THIS VERSION!

requested by diesel, supported by kc. why am i still here, just to suffer.

firstly: both chapters 15 and 16 touch on cinder’s grimm blood SO MUCH and it’s fucking bonkers how much of it she gets away with glynda “dumbass” goodwitch MISINTERPRETING as her being a faunus, and it hurts me as a reader because I MYSELF am aware of something that cinder IS VERY AWARE OF and watching glynda dodge the truth by a spare MILIMETER is killing me. GLYNDA OPEN YR EYES. GL Y N D A

also, im gonna try and cover all the places i 👈😎👈'd in in the chapter 16 liveblog so hold tight whilst i find all fifty fuckin billion of em

okay so THIS ONE... also ties into what i said BUT ‘shearing parts of their own bodies in a desperate break for freedom’ rly Whacked me over the head because it rly makes me think of when cinder saw lamia in the og version and how she was so soft and human and she was leaning into it SO hard... and we’ve covered this in an earlier chapter in which cinder acknowledges shes being Too Human (what with the dressing up and such) but the fact that shes still. TOO human. trying so hard to fit into her Other Life away from her momma what w/ em and merc and everything and im like woof. glynda. too close 2 home. TOO CLOSE,

also ‘whats sadder than this’? a disappointed mom. u know it,

we had the gay bit where i ceased to fucking exist as a queer and gay because hohoho cinder’s bobbies etc but aLSO

im thinking of the pasta scene. do we remember the pasta scene? i remember the pasta scene. i am thinking of the pasta scene, and i choose to forget,

/claps me little hands

this happened in chapter 15 too w/ a BILLION references to volcanoes but GOD GLYNDA JUST. SHE GETS. SO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH.

SHE SNIFFS THE TRUTH DIRECTLY AND THEN JUST. TURNS AROUND??? GLYNDA COME BACK YOU HAD IT. YOU HAD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and also the reminder that cinder was one of several attempts that didnt make it, made all the more agonising to know it TOOK A WHILE TOO. ugh the relationship between cinder and her mom and what cinder feels she owes versus how much lamia loves her fucking. it is easily the most tragic part of this whole fic and im not ready to see it happen again. never before have i felt such empathy for the Bad Guy and i can feel it coming. its approaching and im scared.

this post must SUCK on tumblr mobile none of these images will load but im being lazy JKGHDSFGSFD

knowing that glynda is communicating these deep-seated fears of wanting to Be More and cinder knows. KNOWS she is ACTIVELY in this MOMENT trying to take that away from her??? to BECOME glyndas greatest fear??? to leave her nothing but this hollowed shell of nothing????????? glyndas done SO MUCH the be the hero and the good guy because thats what she felt her life was and cinders trying to abuse that to make her the tool of the end of the world and cinder can. SHE CAN FEEL IT. in that instant she has to face being glyndas greatest nightmare and like. fuck. thats SOMETHING huh. IM GOING MENTAL.

“What is your destiny?” Glynda asked, feeling bolder than before.

The fingers brushing hair behind Glynda’s ear stalled. Cinder’s palm laid warm against Glynda’s high, sharp cheekbone. Something stuttered and then leapt between them, and Glynda’s face went hot when Cinder whispered, “You.”

“Me?”

“We were born in the same year. You couldn’t have known that—that we’re the same age.” Cinder paused and withdrew her hand, tucking it against her own chest. “But my mother felt it. I always knew.”

Glynda didn’t begin to know how to respond.

“We were born in the same year,” Cinder repeated, almost as if to remind herself, like swearing an oath. “We’ve always been each other’s destiny.”

“I always thought it was my destiny to die,” Glynda finally admitted. “Just like my mothers.”

“No,” Cinder said, distantly. “No, it isn’t.”

okay this is. the bit. The Bit. sit down a sec whilst i try and sort this out in my brainmeat. like ive actually paused my music this is how serious i am.

this section epitomises the plot of the fic. such like lamia and the witch soul, glynda and cinder are soulmates, but the enemies edition. and this plot -- the arc of offal hunt -- isnt just an enemies to lover slowburn, but how these two redirect the very forces of fate to become the very thing that could not have been, right? born in the same year, destined to battle each other out, the fight of the witch and the Witch, destined to be bound in blood and fire.

and they ARE. and theyre also NOT. because they DO make it their destiny... but in THEIR way. this story ends how it SHOULD -- with them locked in great battle -- but ends how they WANT, being together, bound forever.

and cinder’s last line really does it because in some sense glynda WONT die in the machine, of course. its built off her living... functionally forever, in a sense? but what cinder says is TRUE also with the END because glynda dies... and then DOESNT. SHE JUST DOESNT. SHE JUST SHRUGS THAT SHIT RIGHT OFF.

the story subverts destiny BY FOLLOWING THEIR DESTINY EXACTLY. BUT IN THEIR WAY. THEIR PATH. and thats why this bit HURTS because if we took this in bad faith cinder means ‘yr destiny is not to die (but be used forever to fuel endless suffering)’. but we know as Veterans -- even if cinder probably literally doesnt -- that shes right. glyndas destiny isnt to die. its to be exactly where she belongs.

WHAT IS THIS POETIC CINEMA. I HATE IT.

this final segment was me realising that of course, betrayal is forecasted. this chapter is so soft and tender and paves the way for the ‘--to lovers’ part of this story, but glynda is going to realise that cinders being lying to her this whole time, and when that happens this part of this fic is literally going to be marred by that, u kno? but for now. for not. im gonna enjoy it as is. just a moment of bed sharing and secrets, and also cinders bobbies.

[mooifyourecows]

hey moo umm i've been a huge fan of your work for a while now and im extremely shy about it but i wanted to know...what are some of your silly/cute/fluffy/anything daisuga headcannons??

oof, i’m really bad at just spitting out head-cannons at command but I’ll try?

- jokes. like, endless jokes. Daichi is so tired of the jokes. but he will never let suga get the last word. they’ve been rollin with a stupid joke about shitty blow jobs for three years now? like hell Daichi will let him be the one to point at a random vacuum in the store and say “ultimate succ” first

- if you piss one off, you’ve pissed the other off. and boi you better run. heard of bad cop, good cop? they’re both, simultaneously, at all times. first theyre sweet, then you’re naked on the street with no money for a taxi home

- legit always on each other’s side. Daichi could literally watch Suga steal the wallet from your back pocket and still cross his arms over his chest and look down his nose at you like, “sure but what did you do to warrant your wallet getting stolen?”

- everyone likes to think that Suga is the one in charge of being the bad influence, but that’s because no one knows about Daichi’s habit of thinking something is a really great idea until it’s blowing up in their faces and Suga is taking the blame in order to keep Daichi’s perfect “reliable and responsible” image clean

- Suga cannot prevent himself from showing up at home with a new rescue animal every few weeks. Daichi cannot prevent himself from allowing it

- Daichi is good at pretending like he likes spicy food so that Suga won’t have to hold himself back when cooking but he’s honestly thinking about joining a support group for whipped husbands too weak to disappoint their partners

- Suga uses passive aggressive guilt tripping in order to get his way and it never fails. Daichi understands very well that he’s being manipulated and finds it weirdly endearing, if not a little infuriating. “Suga please just tell me what you want me to do.” “it’s fine.” “clearly it’s not.” “I want what you want.” “I want you to be happy.” “it’s fine.” “oh my god.” eventually, Daichi learns from the master and uses the tactic himself one day. Suga is shook but also really proud. he manages to wrangle the situation back in his favor anyway though so... nice try daichi. better luck next time

- Daichi is so stinkin sentimental and Suga finds it ADORABLE but SO CHEESY. “Suga, do you recognize this place?” “Uhhh... yeah it’s the supermarket.” “No, right over there is where I held your hand for the first time. By the zucchinis.” his sentimentality borders on hoarding, since he keeps anything even remotely related to their relationship, from letters passed during school to movie ticket stubs. He’s caught Suga trying to throw things away multiple times and had to sit and explain how “you definitely can’t throw that away, that’s the card with the spritz of cologne you wore that time we got lost in that shopping mall and wound up making out on a display bed.”

- drunken jigsaw puzzles. a friday date night classic. Daichi takes it too seriously. Suga gets frustrated and tries to force pieces together. they’ve never finished one before because eventually they drink too much, decide to get frisky, and accidentally kick the coffee table onto its side and ruin all their progress.

- Daichi stabbed Suga in the chest with a pin one time, completely on accident, and even though its been five years, Suga still never fails to bring it up around company just to freak everybody out. “Hey Daichi remember that time you stabbed me in the chest and I bled for like an hour?” Daichi, to everyone else, “he deserved it.”

- very VERY comfortable around each other. there are no secrets. they hold nothing back. all their friends find it disgusting but first and foremost, Daichi and Suga are best friends, and if Suga wants to hold Daichi down on the floor and fart on him as revenge for buying apple juice even though he KNOWS it makes him gassy, then by god, he’s gonna.

- punches. they really hold nothing back. happy punches, annoyed punches, flirty punches, joking punches, if the situation calls for a punch, a punch will be given. it usually ends up with both of them trading punch for punch, getting rougher each time until one of them is biting back tears while the other laughs and hugs and kisses him as an apology.

- “i want a divorce.” “no.” “tch.”

- they play this game where one jumps onto the other’s back when he’s least suspecting. it rarely ends well.

- Daichi is so useless when he’s sick. he is the epitome of the man cold. he always acts like he is dying and Suga loves it. because weak, useless, vulnerable Daichi gives him a total power trip. it just never gets old listening to Daichi’s feverish blubbering about how Suga is the single most important and amazing person in the world and how he would be dead without him there to take care of him. “that’s right Daichi. I am your god.” “you’re my god.” “yessss.”

- on the other hand, Suga is your mom when she’s sick. doesn’t even faze him. “yeah i think I have a little bit of a cold, it’s no biggie” *coughs up blood* “i’m sure that’s nothing”. Daichi has to literally trick him into going to the doctor and Suga usually blows the betrayal completely out of proportion and swears he will never ever forgive him. (but immediately forgets about that swear once he’s healthy again.)

- “Can’t you two do anything without each other?” Suga and Daichi, practically attached at the hip, feeding each other string cheese, looking at you like you just suggested they shave their heads and paint their scalps purple. “Why?”

[windy-wonko]

i hate politicians i hate how they split the working class by pretending to care only to just continuously exploit us but republicans thrive on poor areas with poor education systems claiming theyll do this and that to support them only to neglect them and every fight against tax raising is for the sake of rich people like NO it doesnt affect you billy it effects people trumps league and thats why theyre all mad and theyre completely pulling shit out their ass on how it DOES affect you so that you get angry about it and side with the rich instead of your impoverished brothers and sisters GRRRRRR i hate it so much. die die die die die. also democrats suck too they pretend to care but they only care about city people in the north and think all the south is just racist confederate hillbillies like the dems are just as bad in terms of throwing these people in the trash. except the difference is republicans pretend to support while dems openly and actively call them garbage. literally there is no winning this and i hate stupid leftists too cuz all they care about is stupid new york and seattle and LA and whatnot and every time and election or law or something comes up all of them start telling us southerners that we should just have a hurricane wipe us out cuz we're racist homophobic transphobic etc etc when the south has some of the highest POC populations, they just get overshadowed by white votes cuz its easier for whites to vote. this went from me ranting to myself about fake support of the working class to me ranting about how im sick of the endless hate of rural areas and the south by supposed progressives who only care about liberal cities

[patriotsnet]

Why Do Republicans Deny Climate Change

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/why-do-republicans-deny-climate-change/

Why Do Republicans Deny Climate Change

Florida Could Be Underwater In A Few Decades Can Republicans Win The Battleground State If They Refuse To Heed Environmental Warnings

Why Do Republicans Deny Climate Change Science?

Molly OTooleKeith JohnsonForeign Policy

MIAMI Florida is waging a quixotic battle against climate change that becomes immediately and aggravatingly apparent when driving anywhere in Miami. Endless orange traffic cones, flashing detour signs, and car-swallowing pits clog the streets as the city tries to rebuild overloaded sewer systems and literally raise roads above the encroaching flood waters.

Sitting in his cramped, cluttered office at the University of Miami, geophysics professor Chris Harrison squints at a rising red line on his computer monitor. It shows sea levels in Key West, which have risen 2 mm per year on average in the last hundred years or so. No longer: Now theyre rising by 3 mm each year bad news for a place where the highest elevation is 345 feet. So is Miami eventually doomed to a watery death?

Well, yes, he said.

MIAMI Florida is waging a quixotic battle against climate change that becomes immediately and aggravatingly apparent when driving anywhere in Miami. Endless orange traffic cones, flashing detour signs, and car-swallowing pits clog the streets as the city tries to rebuild overloaded sewer systems and literally raise roads above the encroaching flood waters.

Well, yes, he said.

I dont have a plan to influence the weather, he dismissively answered a question about climate change at a town hall in New Hampshire.

People Who Have Changed Their Position

“I used to be a climate-change skeptic”, conservative columnist Max Boot admitted in 2018, one who believed that “the science was inconclusive” and that worry was “overblown”. Now, he says, referencing the Fourth National Climate Assessment, “the scientific consensus is so clear and convincing.”

Climate change doubter Bob Inglis, a former US representative for South Carolina, changed his mind after appeals from his son on his environmental positions, and after spending time with climate scientist Scott Heron studying coral bleaching in the Great Barrier Reef. Inglis lost his House race in 2010, and went on to found republicEn, a nonprofit promoting conservative voices and solutions on climate change.

Jerry Taylor promoted climate denialism for 20 years as former staff director for the energy and environment task force at the American Legislative Exchange Council and former vice president of the Cato Institute. Taylor began to change his mind after climate scientist James Hansen challenged him to reread some Senate testimony. He became President of the Niskanen Center in 2014, where he is involved in turning climate skeptics into climate activists, and making the business case for climate action.

Weather Channel senior meteorologist Stu Ostro expressed skepticism or cynicism about anthropogenic global warming for some years, but by 2010, he had become involved in explaining the connections between man-made climate change and extreme weather.”

Farmers And Climate Denial

Seeing positive economic results from efforts at climate-friendly agricultural practices, or becoming involved in intergenerational stewardship of a farm may play a role in turning farmers away from denial. One study of climate change denial among farmers in Australia found that farmers were less likely to take a position of climate denial if they had experienced improved production from climate-friendly practices, or identified a younger person as a successor for their farm.

In the United States, rural climate dialogues sponsored by the Sierra Club have helped neighbors overcome their fears of political polarization and exclusion, and come together to address shared concerns about climate impacts in their communities. Some participants who start out with attitudes of anthropogenic climate change denial have shifted to identifying concerns which they would like to see addressed by local officials.

Also Check: Democrats More Educated Than Republicans

Young Republicans See Shift In Gop: ‘from Outright Denial To Climate Caucus’

Twenty-four-year-old Republican Danielle Butcher is watching with anticipation as GOP leaders move from outright denial to now having a climate caucus a move she sees as the first step in integrating climate action into formal party policy.

Butcher, the executive vice president of the American Conservation Coalition , spoke to The Hills Equilibrium on Tuesday, just a week after Rep. John Curtis ;launched the Conservative Climate Caucus and the same day that House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy

The partys progress is huge, when you apply the context, Butcher said.; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;

This is an excellent first step, she continued. The first thing you have to do in achieving climate action is start talking about these problems.

To Butcher, integrating climate action into Republican politics speaks to her partys historic conservation core the GOP with a deep-seated, rural heritage, was responsible for creation of the National Park Service and the Environmental Protection Agency under former Presidents Theodore Roosevelt and Richard Nixon.

I also see this as us reclaiming our heritage, she said.

But with two-thirds of Americans indicating that the government should do more on climate change a stance that Butcher observed is especially true among young people” she said Republicans need to be talking about these issues and involving the younger generation in the discussions.

The GOP has notoriously struggled with young people, she added.

% Of Scientists Agree That Humans Are Causing Global Warming Yet Belief In Climate Change Continues To Depend On Political Beliefs Above All Else

It is no secret that belief in climate change in America is strongly divided along party lines, a fact we were reminded of in last weeks Republican leadership debates. The relationship was assessed in an experiment by Dan Kahan published in Advances in Political Psychology earlier this year, which demonstrated that there exists an extremely bizarre paradox that is as mind bending as it is troubling. Believe it or not, the more Republicans know about science, the less likely they are to believe in climate change.;

The Ordinary Science Intelligence measure which runs across the bottom of the graphs above measures how likely someone is to answer tests of scientific knowledge and reasoning correctly. For example, someone with an average Ordinary Science Intelligence score has a 70% chance of giving the correct answer to the simple scientific question âelectrons are smaller than atoms â true or falseâ. Someone would have to be a full standard deviation below average to be more likely than not to get this question wrong.

As the graph above shows, a Democrat with an average level of scientific understanding has an 80% chance of believing in global warming, while the equivalent Republican has only a 20% chance. Astonishingly, this number falls even further as Republicansâ scientific literacy increases.

Follow Simon Oxenham on;,;,;,;RSS,;or join the;mailing list;to get each weekâs post straight to your inbox. Image Credit: ;FREDERIC J. BROWN/Getty

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Neither I Nor Any Christian I Knew Really Worried About Things Like Pollution Global Warming Climate Change Or Any Of The Other Seemingly Apocalyptic Scenarios Put Forth By The Scientific Community I Thought I Had Insider Information About The End Of The World And It Had Nothing To Do With Climate Change

When it comes to Christian eschatology, there are numerous end-times scenarios embraced by evangelicals. The details may change but the main plot rarely does. In general, there are three main theories: Premillennialism, Postmillennialism, and Amillennialism. The first posits that the end of time will bring a tribulation of suffering, that Jesus will return, and that Christians will be raptured, which is when Jesus takes the faithful back up to heaven with him. Within this theory are two types: pre-tribbers and post-tribbers. Pre-tribbers believe that true Christians will be raptured first and that seven years of hellish suffering brought by the Antichrist will follow, after which Jesus will return again to rule over the earth for the remainder of the Great Tribulation and give people one more chance to reject him before destroying the world. Post-tribbers contend that Christians wont be raptured until the tribulation ends and must evangelize during this time.

Postmillennialism holds that the Second Coming of Jesus Christ will happen after a thousand years of relative peace on earth made possible by the practice of Christian ethics, at which time final judgment and the Rapture will occur and the world will end.

The fourth angel poured out his bowl upon the sun, and it was given to it to scorch men with fire. Men were scorched with fierce heat; and they blasphemed the name of God who has the power over these plagues, and they did not repent so as to give Him glory.

A Majority Of Republicans Say They Support Policies To Mitigate Climate Change

Percentage of Republicans in each congressional district who agree thatwe should regulate carbon dioxide as a pollutant

National average:57%

A majority of Republicans in almost every congressional district support regulating carbon dioxide as a pollutant, even when they dont believe those emissions are causing climate change.

That may seem like a paradox, but theres a long history of support among people of all partisan backgrounds for regulating pollution basic things like clean water and clean air, Professor Egan said. To the extent global warming is framed that way, it raises support for policy interventions more than the abstract concept of climate change.

Despite this majority support, Scott Pruitt, the head of the Environmental Protection Agency, has worked to repeal Obama-era policies regulating power plant emissions. He has also raised questions over whether his agency should be regulating greenhouse gases at all.

Bob Inglis, a former Republican congressman from South Carolina who is working to get others in his party to accept climate change, said that Republicans are often willing to embrace solutions, even if they say they dont believe in climate change.

It doesnt help to point the finger at conservatives and ask, Do you believe? he said. By showing me a solution that fits with my values, Ive got a way to accept the existence of the problem.

Republican support for various policy proposals, nationwide

Support

Read Also: Do The Republicans Have The House

Yet Half Of Republicans Say That Climate Change Is Happening With Strongest Support On The Coasts And In Places Where Climate Effects Are Now Being Felt

Percentage of Republicans in each congressional district who say that global warming is happening

National average:50%

Climate views at the local level tend to reflect where liberal and moderate Republicans live compared to conservative Republicans,said Patrick J. Egan, a professor of politics and public policy at New York University. So its no surprise that Republicans in major cities like Chicago, Philadelphia, San Francisco and New York are most likely to say climate change is happening.

But, there are also tantalizing hints that geographic vulnerability to climate change may affect opinion, Professor Egan said.

For example, in south Florida, an area vulnerable to sea level rise and increased risk of extreme weather, an estimated 56 percent of Republicans agree that climate change is happening. A majority of Republicans in both Alaska and Hawaii say the same.

Nearly Nine In 10 Foresee Global Warming Effects Eventually Occurring

Why Climate Change Denial Still Exists In The U.S.

In addition to the 59% of Americans who believe the effects of global warming have already begun, another 10% predict they will start happening within a few years or in their own lifetime. A further 19% foresee the effects affecting future generations, bringing the total who believe global warming will eventually affect humans to 88%. Most Americans across all demographic groups expect this, including large majorities of Republicans and independents , and nearly all Democrats .

Still, there is variation across groups in the belief that the effects of global warming have already begun, a view that may be more relevant to the propensity for people to be politically active or factor it into their voting. Democrats , adults aged 18 to 34 , college graduates , non-White Americans and women are significantly more likely than their counterparts to say the effects have begun.

Already begun

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Figure 20 Proportion Of Each Group Who Believed The Worlds Temperature Will Probably Go Up Over The Next 100 Years

Future warming. Since 1997, majorities of Democrats, Republicans, and Independents have believed that the earth will probably be warmer in a century if nothing is done to prevent it. In 2020, 94% of Democrats, 72% of Independents, and 56% of Republicans believe that warming will probably continue in the future. No notable growth has occurred in the partisan gap since 2011.

5°F warmer would be bad. Majorities of Democrats and of Independents have consistently believed that 5°F of global warming would be bad, but the proportion of Republicans expressing that belief has hovered around the midline, peaking at 59% in 1997 and dipping to its lowest points of 47% in 2010 and 2015. The partisan gap in 2020 is the biggest observed since 1997 at 34 percentage points.

A Case Of Legal Bribery

12 ;Chris Mooney, The Republican War on Science , 30-32.

13 ;Naomi Oreskes and Erik M. Conway, Merchants of Doubt: How a Handful of Scientists Obscured the Tru

14 ;Ibid., 169-215.

4;;;;;In the 1970s eager to protect its activities from regulations and above all its profit margins, corporate America began to challenge the growing influence of environmental organizations and other advocacy groups who had been instrumental in ushering in this golden age of environmental legislation.12 Corporate leaders drew their inspiration from the successful tactics of the tobacco industry to thwart any restrictions on their activities: Naomi Oreskes and Erik M. Conway use the term tobacco strategy to explain how corporations set up or fund seemingly independent think tanks and hire experts and scientists in order to discredit scientific research and evidence likely to justify governmental regulations on their activities.13 Needlessly to say, this constitutes a complete perversion of the scientific process, as the goal results in the fact that no scientifically-based call for environmental or safety regulations go unanswered and doubt is cast on the consensus reached in peer-reviewed scientific research. The climate change denial movement is part and parcel of this larger corporate effort to hinder regulations.14

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On Why The Republican Party Has Become Opposed To Taking Action On Climate Change

Why has the Republican Party shifted? I have one answer for you: Money. They have been bought off by the fossil fuel industry. If its a congressman from Virginia, or Mitch McConnell from Kentucky where they have the coal or some of the oil and fracking interest theres a very clear correlation. Theres a reason there’s the phrase follow the money. Because if you do, you will see that the voting correlates with those major contributors to the Republican party, and most of them happen to be in the fossil fuel regions of our country.

Responding To Climate Denial

An Irish Times article notes that climate denial “is not simply overcome by reasoned argument”, because it is not a rational response. Attempting to overcome denial using techniques of persuasive argument, such as supplying a missing piece of information, or providing general scientific education may be ineffective. A person who is in denial about climate is most likely taking a position based on their feelings, especially their feelings about things they fear.

Lewandowsky has stated that “It is pretty clear that fear of the solutions drives much opposition to the science.”

It can be useful to respond to emotions, including with the statement “It can be painful to realise that our own lifestyles are responsible”, in order to help move “from denial to acceptance to constructive action.”

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Whats In The Pipeline

The annual carbon footprint from new oil and gas facilities in Texas and other Gulf states could be as high as 541 million tons of greenhouse gases by 2030the equivalent of 131 coal-fired power plants.

The industry was dramatically out of favor at the moment, in most every corner of the investing and political world, he said, and it needed urgently to adapt. At its most basic level, I think we can all agree that having less CO2 emissions in the atmosphere would be a good thingand as Houstons business leaders, we need to be committed to working to make that happen.;

For skeptics inclined to think the change in rhetoric was just a PR move, Staples for one was ready to oblige. Two days after his call with reporters, he went on the public radio show the Texas Standard to clean up his spill. It seemed as if he had intended to signal a change in messaging but was surprised by how seriously everyone had taken it. I think the term climate change has been hijacked. I think its been used to unfortunately introduce climate hysteria or climate confusion. I think the term is used in such a way to confuse the public that the sky is falling in, he said.;

Of course, theres something a little ridiculous about parsing statements from oil and gas trade groups at a time when Australia and the Amazon are burning. Theres a kind of recurrent amnesia that paints climate change as a perennially new problem, an issue that is just reaching critical mass of awareness.;

Emotional And Psychological Aspects

Florida State Senator Tom Lee has described the emotional impact and reactions of individuals to climate change. Lee says, “If these predictions do bear out,;that it’s just economically daunting. I mean, you have to be the Grim Reaper of reality in a world that isn’t real fond of the Grim Reaper. That’s why I use the term emotionally shut down, because I think you lose people at hello a lot of times in the Republican conversation over this.” Emotional reactions to climate change may include guilt, fear, anger, and apathy. Psychology Today, in an article titled “The Existential Dread of Climate Change, has suggested that “despair about our changing climate may get in the way of fixing it.” The American Psychological Association has urged psychologists and other social scientists to work on psychological barriers to taking action on climate change.

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[eggiari]

aldnoah ranting pt. 3 electric boogaloo

there are two(2) major problems in aldnoah.zero imo. The first is how all the protagonists have the personality and charisma of a gym sock, the second is how utterly useless the protagonist supporting cast is. 

Inaho has 1 personality trait and thats being smart. Being smart isnt an issue, the problem is that he is a walking computer. has less charisma than siri ffs. Literally only one has a somewhat interesting story and they dont even wrap it up. just fucKING KILL THEM OFF. YOU LITERALLY HAVE AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF BACKGROUND CHARACTERS AS DEATH FODDER. THEYRE TRAINED SOLDIERS FFS. THE FUCKING SCHOOL GIRL SURVIVED. not like i wouldve cared anyways lmao. the military is so stupid it makes me angry every time they shoot at the enemy and it doesnt work and thEY KEEP ON FUCKING SHOOTING, YOU ARE WASTING AMMUNITION. DO YOU THINK THE 5TH TIME THE FORCE FIELD WILL JUST DISAPPEAR? OF COURSE NOT. every time a new threat arrives, 50 new ppl pop into existence just to die. and every time yuki is like “inaho dont go its dangerous” LIKE HOE HE IS THE ONLY REASON YOU USELESS PEASANTS ARE STILL ALIVE. speaking of,

a teenager single handedly saves the world because the military and the adults are incompetent. yes, just keep shooting the mecha with the force field, im sure thatll work the *checks notepad* 46th time. apparently only 1 person on the ‘good side’ has a functioning cranium. It was cool to watch inaho win the first or 2nd time, then it gets repetitive. every fight basically goes like this  >alien robot appears >robot is basically invincible and like 50 ppl die

>inaho observes the robot

>he figures smth out while the supporting case sit there like :O

>inaho uses the robots weakness thats super obvious if you just think about it

> he wins

>the end

i have more to say but that can wait ig 

[misterbitches]

Im not intelligent at all. In the conventional sense. The ramblings of a girl who just has sooo much going in in her head it's constant. But im not a genius. Or that confusing.

It just sounds like I am bc fandoms have this issue where they can JUSTSO point out the issues in soletiing. They can pick and prod and go oh problematic! But then you go to name the problems and the difficulties within society like for ex: the idea of representation in general. Salivating over it. How fucking sad that is. How we are trained to accept it. So in a BL and also RACE in the bl genre they exploit viewers naivete both domestically and internationally. Ive seen tons of people liken being asian to being a person of color. However, in their predominantly homogenous society (or intentionally publically homogenous society), they are not "poc" (also name the of color; i dont use bipoc idc if u do but it's called being asian guys cos yall aint talkin about black ppl lmao)

They as humans seeing other humans who look like them everywhere, engage with the world differently than an american in asia or asians living outside of their home country (like bae doo nanwhen she worksnin the US is not the same as the bae doo nanworking on a korean program) I dont complain about it in everything i see bc ppl say it ALL THE TIME. but it is NOT the same. Being a person of color is very distinctly an american concept. This is all stuff people will get to know on their own if they choose to dig more.

I do my best to underline what my ugly little eyes process. How i figure things out as a black female american artist too! Im hard on shit cos i should be. I take it seriously. And even if i dont take it seriously bc THEY dont then thats their problem.

I know this is a complaint that I am not alone in. I know it's the internet. I just don't get how people can write really heavy analysis but they refuse to actually probe the underlying issues. Not everyone is me, or like my friends, but if there's way fewer people talking about this stuff it seems absolutely glaring when theres few people engaging in the way i do. It seems like im the glitch but I am thinking just as much just differently.

I really loved where your eyes linger but there was little deep class analysis. I remember few convos a bout it. I know a lot about korea (sigh being a black ex kpop fan lol mess) and i love the history but all ofnit matters! Korea's relation to labor!

People bringing up thai actors snd actresses leaving the industry and doing acting as something quick. As an artist~ who went to film school with insanely wealthy ppl and isnin tons of debt you have to understand how shitty that is. People have monetary access and they just fucking do whatever just because they want to. Meanwhile you have young people being coerced into this bullshit mainstream life to LITERALY just make money bc they dont come from a rich background. The wealth gap in thailand is BAD, theres a dictatorship, they had a fucking coup. The governments like here do not respect their people. Their marginalized groups. Trans thai women, black thai ppl, poor thai ppl. And it LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING EFFECTIVELY IN CAPITALISM. No nothing can be perfect but if it's going into our eyeballs and we can view the worlld critically then why the fuck not!???

I dont say the things i see are wrong always. I reply when i think i need to. I try and engage with others but not to kuch avail. I just want to rb stuff and tdhink lajfhhdjwhjej.

But like yea theres a lot of just wrong or misguided stuff. A lot of the times it is just historical inaccuracy in framing or idk. A refusal to think outside the box. I dont care. Theres more to life than just sort of looking and not thinking especially for othrr artists.

Idk im sorry. I dont see how i can change how i view things. I really wish people would expand their palettes too and go deeper into other means of art from places! Things not in the mainstream! Theres a lot of good thai artists and a lot of them critical as fuck about their country as they should be. Authority, austerity, patriarchy, capital, racism etc like that is central to a power thats interested in growing gains and fiscal and social power. Theres rly radical or left leaning etc ppl out there in the world and these countries in these communities. So they exist. No people in these countries dont have NO clue whats going on. Cultural relativism is alsos something people should understand. I had a good talk with ppl on here a while ago about that. Talking about shit, critiquing, but being respectful to a group. Part of thay is realizing these groups CLEARLY know their own issues and all our cultures share the same goal. Guess what it is. It rhymes with acquiring wealth. Money means you hurt people. In the post, we talked about use of "wife" and "husband" which is a stupid joke that has been "explained" a billion times and yet the explanations still dont seem to answer or justify a minor problem (it's very funny to me that a language that doesnt have gendered pronouns is now very specific about two men. Hmmm wonder why. It is annoying.)

So im not the only person on the planet doing this. Or the few ppl ive seen that do. Im not new my thoughts arent new. Ive gotten to see another side to a culture i knew not much about and that means i can put the context of my beliefs and life and try and understand thheirs. For ex i learned from ITSAY because of a sign that said 'french food' that they were the only country to not be colonized back then. Do you know how integral that history is to their region? That was an interesting detail (i didnt finish itsay bc ihad a lot going on and i was rly upset that i would see hownrich they are and i hate that.)

Anyways thats my complaint. It used to feel like a sting of rejection. I left online for months in 2019, i started organizing more, joined a union, trying to do some panther work shit like that. I learned a lot in those months and it changed my life! But when I came back, I felt so isolated. It wasnt my true friends tho sometimes theyre ANNOYINGGGGG (love u) but it was me being like "if we are going to complain guys then lets put our money where our mouth is" lets be fucking serious about it then. No say it with your chest dude. It isnt difficult. Go with the fucking flow, talk about it, critique it, think. You can still fucking like itnor love it.

I am BLACK ok and i love rap. I am a black woman. I will continue to clown black men that cant seem to not clown themselves and listen. No i wont support monetarily: drake is a creep and i hate him but i bump that niggas song. Thats fucking LIFE. I got so sick of hiding myself and it became clear that it wasnt that i wasntthinking well or hard enough. They just didnt like that i said we need to commit class suicide and inspect out middle class sensibilities and middle class wealth hoarding (google it) if thats what we engaged with. Every part of you, antagonize it. I still have my privileges; class, skin color, even my father being a nigerian immigrant, me being cis, im not str8 but not a lesbian and those are differences.

Insecurities in general but some shallow thoughts (?) on discussion in "fandom" space. FYI, this will most likely stay the same. I tend to stay in my own bubble socially IE me and my friends are similar in our views. During this awful year while running my union's account, im surrounded by like minds. Me and my friends? We changed together. We grew up and saw what we didnt like and what we want. We do our best.And i CHOOSE my life to be that way bc it should be. There is no solution. I dont believe in solutions because the solution is to abolish capital or just divest. Abolishing capital and labor are a huge one and i will die before that happens (but so help me as long as im alive? Black women to FREEDOMMMM is my motto!) so making your own path in life is the best thing an artist can do IN MY OPINION.

However with technology and stuff this puts another layer onto things. Tech, social media, this shit....it THRIIIIIIIVESSSSSSS off of conflict and shallow readings of the world. We are literally primed for it. Engagement in bites. Impossible for me with my brain; i got used to it and i paid for it by limiting my scope. Not being encouraged to THINK AND READ before just speaking

(For ex i am in iww, i helped form a branch here. It is a radical union. Unionism is imprative to me-if ur interested u should read up on some. Look up peter cole! Google inthesetimes Ilwu. Gives you some understanding. Ive always been progressive and now i am....very left idk ic ant label myself. But even in my progrssiveness i had the gall to tell my white friend, whoa has her privileges but i had mine with our class disparity, that we dont need unions, i have WORKED retail. Ive done barista work for sonoing and i do gig work. So i wasnt out of touch. I had been stiffed even with a shoot i was working on by rich kids. So i had a frame of reference . But i didnt know what the FUCKa union was and why it is imperative. Then learning about anarcho syndicalism and all these other things. It changed my fucking life but two years earlier i was this idiot spouting shit like that making one of my best friends fucking upset. We DO AND CAN CHANGE. Think!!!!)

So were i a creator for tv id just constantly try and push the buttons if i need big money. Make them sell into me (thank you sonic youth!) theres Endless possibilities guys which means theres SO MUCH TK EXPLORE!!!! When i wanna have fun with it i just have fun. When i want to think i do. I dont understand why we are so dedicated to upholding things and doing mental gymnastics to end up in a space you dont need mental gymnastics for. What about these critiques makes you uncomfortable? Saying we're all part of the problem as spectators? Im sorry but we will always be. Thats LIFE. God fuck. Fuck me. I feel so fucking worthless and stupid sometimes. I know I am not. I know i am talented and intelligent. I know my friends and family. I know how to approach ppl. I know how to tell people if they are rich but want to be progressive whatsup. I choose how i live part of that is being ok to say what i want.

Ironically consrrvatives say this shit alot. But they arent ever alone bc their ideology is default. But yea it does feel shitty. It even feels shitty when ur in left circles but people STILL dont even wanna do that. These perspectives really arent ss many as they should be. I dont want to feel so alone with it. I know there are more. I just love art and the world so fucking much, endless possibility. Endless pain but endless good.

[sailorrrvenus]

People Call My Photos Fake… But They’re Not

The idea of this article came from a recent photo series I saw on BoredPanda about viral photos people thought were real but were fake. It reminded me of some of my photos people always call fake.

People online judge you really easily. It used to really annoy me when people called my work ‘fake’ when I spent countless hours planning and executing that particular shot. Now I don’t care as much anymore as I used to. This is the Internet, after all. And if I think about it, often I can’t blame them.

Take the last super moon for example. More than half of the pictures you see online are indeed fake. People paste the moon in all kinds of settings, and if you know your photography, you can easily see what’s fake and what’s not because of focal lengths not matching. However, people who don’t really know the technical aspects of focal lengths, the ‘general crowd’ can’t really tell what’s real and what’s fake. So if something looks ‘too good’ people often think it’s fake.

The so-called ‘haters’, in particular, will scream fake at you and will sometimes even directly insult you.

In this article, I will discuss a few shots I’ve taken over the years that look ‘unreal’ and thus were hated upon a lot. All the shots I am discussing have their own article on PetaPixel.

2015: Alone in the Universe

This photo gave a boost to my photography career. It shows the ISS (International Space Station) flying over a friend of mine standing on a hill who I was photographing with the Milky Way. This was a lucky shot. I had been to this area a bunch of times trying to shoot the Milky Way (which is not easy in the Netherlands) and this on this shot I saw something flying through the frame.

Upon doing research afterward and asking local astrophotographers (on astroforum.nl, very nice and helpful guys) it was confirmed that this was indeed the ISS flying through my frame. I already knew it was something special when I took the shots, because it was flying much slower than a shooting star, and it was much brighter than a meteor and different than a plane.

A meteor shower was predicted one week later, and with some clever title, a photo story and the image itself, the image spread on the Internet extremely quickly. The result was tons of media attention, and a lot of people calling the shot fake for numerous reasons.

Most common were the people who don’t know anything about photography saying you can’t see or photograph the Milky Way in the Netherlands.

There were ‘Experts’ saying the ISS flew a different direction so the shot could not be real. But they forgot that the exposure started when the ISS was on the right, and that’s why it’s brighter there. And it went to the left, fading out there because it was making its turn there. So while it looks like the ISS is going to the left, its actually going to the right.

There were also haters saying the shot was planned (but not calling it fake) and saying I made up a bulls**t story. At that time I tried everything to convince everyone the shot was real. Luckily I also had support from people from astroforum.nl, and I showed some publishers the raw file. But you simply can’t please everyone.

2019: The Supermoon

My most recent picture that I planned of the supermoon was also called fake by some people, especially people who don’t really know photography. As I mentioned earlier, you can’t really blame them, because there were so many fake moon shots out there.

For many people, a shot like this is again “too good to be true.” The perfect alignment of the moon in between the two towers screams Photoshop. But the challenge is to plan shots like this, and once you tell people how you do it, they turn around.

People calling it fake because the moon is too big. By using a very long lens and planning you can align the moon with building and objects. It’s great fun when you succeed. You can also see a video about it here:

People were also calling it fake because there are hundreds of fake pictures of super moons out there, even featured by news channels.

2017: Erupting volcano Lined Up with the Milky Way

These two images are by far the most extreme. Especially the first image where you can see the Milky Way in line with an erupting volcano in Guatemala. The second image was actually much more challenging, but the first image looks way crazier so that one gets a lot of hate, even today.

I planned this shot to great lengths and before I made the shot. I already told lots of people about my plan, making it even more satisfying when I was finally able to take this shot. Literally hundreds of people insulted me over this particular shot.

Again, when you think about it, you can’t blame people. The number of fake Milky Ways you see on social media nowadays is probably more than the number of real pictures you see. And especially with a shot like this, even I would probably think that it’s fake if someone else had taken it. It was, and is still, featured on worldwide media. Here are some of the reasons people were calling it fake and photoshopped:

First, the top of the peak on the left. Lots of people said it looked horrible. “Such a bad Photoshop,” was often said. The fact is that the peak right there is rising above a thick fog layer, making it look like that. If I had Photoshopped that, I probably would have made it look better!

Because of the very defined haze layer, it looks like the sky is just pasted in the image. What people forget is that I am standing at close to 4,000 meters (13,000 feet) of altitude here. The haze layer was very apparent that night. Compare it to being in an airplane at high altitude and looking out of the window — you’ll also often see a very defined line of the atmosphere.

People also said: “The light pollution looks very strong, but the sky is not polluted.” This is Guatemala. What you see in the image are very small villages. They almost don’t give off any light pollution. It just looks way more extreme on the image because of the long exposure. You can see this on a light pollution map if you check the surroundings of the Fuego volcano in Guatemala. There is not much light pollution, so it’s very easy to spot the Milky Way.

Also, many locals shoot the Milky Way there. The fact is that this shot was technically not that hard. It is not a single shot but was rather a panorama to get the whole valley in the frame. I planned the alignment and the shot, and “just” needed the volcano to erupt. The planning and the whole trip was the most difficult, but being there was simply executing and enjoying the spectacle unfolding in front of my eyes.

I shot the erupting volcano with the Milky Way first and then moved panned to take more shots to get the whole Milky Way with the valley. There were a total of 5 (vertical) shots. No HDR, bracketing, or whatever. But yes, multiple shots to create the full panorama. The second more challenging photo is a single exposure.

‘Photoshop’

I do have to say that all of my shots are indeed ‘Photoshopped’. I always work on my images to make them look good on print and social media. I change contrast, vibrance, saturation, make color adjustments, etc., so you can call them ‘fake’ in that regard. But I don’t change the moment.

When you shoot in RAW format you maximize the data your camera can capture. The photos always come out very flat, so to make it look somehow appealing you have to do some processing. When you shoot in JPG, or when you shoot with your smartphone, for example, the device itself already does all the processing so you don’t need to do any processing on the computer anymore. This is an endless discussion that I will not write about in this article, but can be talked about another time.

The bottom line for me, in general, is trying to display the moment in a photograph. To close, I would like to say that before you judge anyone or think something is fake, don’t just start screaming “fake!” or insult the photographer. If you have doubts, there is sometimes more to it than you think. No matter how much experience I have with this particular thing, it still hurts when people insult me over work I spent lots of time on.

About the author: Albert Dros is an award-winning Dutch photographer. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. His work has been published by some of the world’s biggest media channels, including TIME, The Huffington Post, The Daily Mail, and National Geographic. You can find more of his work on his website, or by following him on Facebook and Instagram.

source https://petapixel.com/2019/03/01/people-call-my-photos-fake-but-theyre-not/

[pauldeckerus]

People Call My Photos Fake… But They’re Not

The idea of this article came from a recent photo series I saw on BoredPanda about viral photos people thought were real but were fake. It reminded me of some of my photos people always call fake.

People online judge you really easily. It used to really annoy me when people called my work ‘fake’ when I spent countless hours planning and executing that particular shot. Now I don’t care as much anymore as I used to. This is the Internet, after all. And if I think about it, often I can’t blame them.

Take the last super moon for example. More than half of the pictures you see online are indeed fake. People paste the moon in all kinds of settings, and if you know your photography, you can easily see what’s fake and what’s not because of focal lengths not matching. However, people who don’t really know the technical aspects of focal lengths, the ‘general crowd’ can’t really tell what’s real and what’s fake. So if something looks ‘too good’ people often think it’s fake.

The so-called ‘haters’, in particular, will scream fake at you and will sometimes even directly insult you.

In this article, I will discuss a few shots I’ve taken over the years that look ‘unreal’ and thus were hated upon a lot. All the shots I am discussing have their own article on PetaPixel.

2015: Alone in the Universe

This photo gave a boost to my photography career. It shows the ISS (International Space Station) flying over a friend of mine standing on a hill who I was photographing with the Milky Way. This was a lucky shot. I had been to this area a bunch of times trying to shoot the Milky Way (which is not easy in the Netherlands) and this on this shot I saw something flying through the frame.

Upon doing research afterward and asking local astrophotographers (on astroforum.nl, very nice and helpful guys) it was confirmed that this was indeed the ISS flying through my frame. I already knew it was something special when I took the shots, because it was flying much slower than a shooting star, and it was much brighter than a meteor and different than a plane.

A meteor shower was predicted one week later, and with some clever title, a photo story and the image itself, the image spread on the Internet extremely quickly. The result was tons of media attention, and a lot of people calling the shot fake for numerous reasons.

Most common were the people who don’t know anything about photography saying you can’t see or photograph the Milky Way in the Netherlands.

There were ‘Experts’ saying the ISS flew a different direction so the shot could not be real. But they forgot that the exposure started when the ISS was on the right, and that’s why it’s brighter there. And it went to the left, fading out there because it was making its turn there. So while it looks like the ISS is going to the left, its actually going to the right.

There were also haters saying the shot was planned (but not calling it fake) and saying I made up a bulls**t story. At that time I tried everything to convince everyone the shot was real. Luckily I also had support from people from astroforum.nl, and I showed some publishers the raw file. But you simply can’t please everyone.

2019: The Supermoon

My most recent picture that I planned of the supermoon was also called fake by some people, especially people who don’t really know photography. As I mentioned earlier, you can’t really blame them, because there were so many fake moon shots out there.

For many people, a shot like this is again “too good to be true.” The perfect alignment of the moon in between the two towers screams Photoshop. But the challenge is to plan shots like this, and once you tell people how you do it, they turn around.

People calling it fake because the moon is too big. By using a very long lens and planning you can align the moon with building and objects. It’s great fun when you succeed. You can also see a video about it here:

People were also calling it fake because there are hundreds of fake pictures of super moons out there, even featured by news channels.

2017: Erupting volcano Lined Up with the Milky Way

These two images are by far the most extreme. Especially the first image where you can see the Milky Way in line with an erupting volcano in Guatemala. The second image was actually much more challenging, but the first image looks way crazier so that one gets a lot of hate, even today.

I planned this shot to great lengths and before I made the shot. I already told lots of people about my plan, making it even more satisfying when I was finally able to take this shot. Literally hundreds of people insulted me over this particular shot.

Again, when you think about it, you can’t blame people. The number of fake Milky Ways you see on social media nowadays is probably more than the number of real pictures you see. And especially with a shot like this, even I would probably think that it’s fake if someone else had taken it. It was, and is still, featured on worldwide media. Here are some of the reasons people were calling it fake and photoshopped:

First, the top of the peak on the left. Lots of people said it looked horrible. “Such a bad Photoshop,” was often said. The fact is that the peak right there is rising above a thick fog layer, making it look like that. If I had Photoshopped that, I probably would have made it look better!

Because of the very defined haze layer, it looks like the sky is just pasted in the image. What people forget is that I am standing at close to 4,000 meters (13,000 feet) of altitude here. The haze layer was very apparent that night. Compare it to being in an airplane at high altitude and looking out of the window — you’ll also often see a very defined line of the atmosphere.

People also said: “The light pollution looks very strong, but the sky is not polluted.” This is Guatemala. What you see in the image are very small villages. They almost don’t give off any light pollution. It just looks way more extreme on the image because of the long exposure. You can see this on a light pollution map if you check the surroundings of the Fuego volcano in Guatemala. There is not much light pollution, so it’s very easy to spot the Milky Way.

Also, many locals shoot the Milky Way there. The fact is that this shot was technically not that hard. It is not a single shot but was rather a panorama to get the whole valley in the frame. I planned the alignment and the shot, and “just” needed the volcano to erupt. The planning and the whole trip was the most difficult, but being there was simply executing and enjoying the spectacle unfolding in front of my eyes.

I shot the erupting volcano with the Milky Way first and then moved panned to take more shots to get the whole Milky Way with the valley. There were a total of 5 (vertical) shots. No HDR, bracketing, or whatever. But yes, multiple shots to create the full panorama. The second more challenging photo is a single exposure.

‘Photoshop’

I do have to say that all of my shots are indeed ‘Photoshopped’. I always work on my images to make them look good on print and social media. I change contrast, vibrance, saturation, make color adjustments, etc., so you can call them ‘fake’ in that regard. But I don’t change the moment.

When you shoot in RAW format you maximize the data your camera can capture. The photos always come out very flat, so to make it look somehow appealing you have to do some processing. When you shoot in JPG, or when you shoot with your smartphone, for example, the device itself already does all the processing so you don’t need to do any processing on the computer anymore. This is an endless discussion that I will not write about in this article, but can be talked about another time.

The bottom line for me, in general, is trying to display the moment in a photograph. To close, I would like to say that before you judge anyone or think something is fake, don’t just start screaming “fake!” or insult the photographer. If you have doubts, there is sometimes more to it than you think. No matter how much experience I have with this particular thing, it still hurts when people insult me over work I spent lots of time on.

About the author: Albert Dros is an award-winning Dutch photographer. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. His work has been published by some of the world’s biggest media channels, including TIME, The Huffington Post, The Daily Mail, and National Geographic. You can find more of his work on his website, or by following him on Facebook and Instagram.

from Photography News https://petapixel.com/2019/03/01/people-call-my-photos-fake-but-theyre-not/

[somedaypast-thesunset]

 im really tired of this drama for the sake of drama scenarios that keep coming up. like theyre completely avoidable but people choose really selfish and self centered ways of doing things and then dont even take into account the amount of people it affects. our friend was late for fishing so he left without him but didnt bother to say anything about it and just left while our friend was in transit. i mean, theyre both pretty rude. hes rude for being late, hes rude for leaving without notice. but no one cares that at 5am, our friend showed up at my house and then slept in my bed for the next 5 hours before deciding to head over to his friends house for a bbq. no one cares how that inconvinienced my day. no one cares that i didnt want to do that, or have our friend over at 5am but i'm not that selfish. i'm not soo self centered that i would turn away our friend at 5am when he's upset. it's not the right thing to do, so of course i invited him in. but he had no desire to listen to any of my problems. i couldnt talk to him about any of my plans or desires. the next day i asked  our friend to come over so i could grab and he did but he had hit his car in a parking lot and wanted zip ties to secure something. i tried to help but he was downstairs and didnt want to get up and find zip ties for our friend. so our friend took it upon himself to go downstairs himself where he was promptly yelled at for bothering him. today our friend called me five times from 8am and when i finally answered he just wanted to chat about how he wasnt mad anymore and wanted to be a limo driver and other such nonsense. i thought about how many times the calls interrupted my day, created anxiety for me, made me think i was being a shitty friend for not answering. even once i did answer he called back later when i was trying to sleep! i sent a simple text to him saying our friend was no longer mad and wanted to be a limo driver now. this was more just commentary on something that happened in my day. at the end of the day i recieve a long message telling me how he doesnt need to be reminded of this annoyance and is trying to distance himself from other ppls bullshit and if im not getting in the middle of it then why am i saying anything. i felt caught off guard - mostly because i didnt do anything. all i did was comment on something in my own day and now he was triggered to the point of attempting to take it out on me. i told him it was a joke and meant to be a joke and i had no idea he was still annoyed and that he should speak up so i dont invite people to his house because i dont care whether or not hes friends with anyone, quite frankly. but dont trap me into scenarios which cause drama and upheaval because i made a single comment about someone and you failed to mention that you dont even like this person. then he replies that its "his fault" and he just doesnt want to deal with it because it "already ruined fishing, it ruined his afternoon and now its ruining his dinner". i simply replied, "cool, same here". because he never takes into account how much something may be "ruined" by his behavior and attitude. what about me? what about the fact that i asked to stop "dealing with our friend's bullshit" in february when he made inappropriate remarks to me? or the fact he was willing to give drugs to him - on several occasions - despite knowing that im really not down with it at all? but we've continued, for four more months, until the breaking point became him being late for fishing. please. this has continually ruined my general life experience for the past year. the two main people in my life are two of the shittiest people to be considered "main" people in my life. a schizoid drug dealer whom i met through a girl i can no longer even consider a friend because she is equally as crazy and a guy who is best known for being the catalyst of his best friend committing suicide because he fucked his best friends girlfriend. this is a terrible landscape of my life right now and literally all i can do is continually displace myself from THEIR bullshit because the amount of inconvinience they place on to my life far outweighs whatever inconvinience they feel from each other or from me. the thing is though - i dont "trust" my gut fully. i'm actualy more inclined not to trust my gut but my gut is continually right about a logical outlook on someone or their behavior and what that could define in their morality and ways of thinking and acting towards people. my gut told me my first boyfriend was kind of an asshole and that we didnt truly have much in common and that i was filling a role he wanted me to. i knew this, but i continued for many years. my gut told me my abusive ex was an absolute piece of shit but i stayed with him out of pure desperation because i honestly thought it would be better than this and honestly it is not. my gut tells me my current relationship is a real relationship but neither of us are capable of having a real relationship based on our own personal issues and demons and lack of emotional maturity. it's like equal contributions to why it doesnt work at a level we both want it to. we both want to have a mature adult relationship. we both understand to a degree how mature adult relationships work. we are not in any capacity mature adults. we are overgrown teenagers struggling with basic life skills, possibly on a level that is even more of a struggle than our average peer, trying to pretend that we are in fact adults and capable of managing a relationship. we are not though. ive been in long term relationships and understand that bringing up things like "its my fault" or "your right/wrong" doesnt actually add anything to the relationship. admitting it's "your fault" doesn't do much; putting into action - "i'm sorry i misinterpretated what you were saying but im definitely not into hanging out with him any time soon" is far better. but its not up to me to "police" how he should speak. it's up to him to decide that this method of communication is a lot more fair for both parties. it allows him the freedom to express what he wants and thinks while respecting that i'm someone with my own brain and individuality. but thats not where we're at. you cant force maturity. you accept this persons level of maturity or you find someone who has passed that level or possibly wait it out? but waiting it out is a fucking gamble and that's the gamble i've decided to take. you know, i'm not entirely prepared for an adult relationship where i literally contribute equally to the relationship as a whole.  i'm not ready for that in myself as a person. as an individual, my life would not benefit from a relationship with a partner giving to me equal to what i give - we would both starve and live on the streets and drive each other bat shit crazy and smoke endless amounts of weed. that's a really terrible life. but at the same time an equal partner to him would be someone unstable, someone who plays with monogamy, someone unwilling to pay into the relationship and carrying burdens of past lovers. someone who has a short temper and bad attitude, who is outspoken on their hatred of the world and people around them and brutally honest regarding split second thoughts and emotions they have towards those people. he wouldnt put up with it. honestly. so neither of us are ready to ask for much in a partner because we are not giving much in return. either of us. and thats a hard thing to accept and like.. i think even my doctor might have an askewed opinion on this because he wants to see me as a victim; maybe ive portrayed myself as such but we are not looking at the other side of things. who is this person and why are they in my life? why do they remain to be a significant person in my life by their own volition? they choose this. something in them wants to see me succeed and be healthy and do well and feel loved and cared for. that does not mean they are _responsible_ for my success, healthy or wellbeing. they are semi-responsible for giving love and care because of the definitions of the relationship they created but theyre not responsible for MAKING me FEEL loved and cared for. i have to accept the knowledge that they love me. so yes - why is he not "helping me"? thats what it comes down to. why am i not receiving some kind of "help" from him? but why is he responsible in giving this help? why are the parameters of an assumed healthy relationship by other people who may or may not even be in healthy relationships being put on something private and considerably always one sided as no one accept our mutual friend has seen our relationship grow? it's almost antiquated, but not naive or dumb, to think because hes a man, because he makes money, because he fucks me and loves me, that he should support me. that he should give me a place to live. give me money. offer it to me. why? where the fuck does it say that anywhere? that's not the stipulation upon fucking someone and that's actually a hard thing for people to swallow i think. maybe its a really ultra feminist idea -- just because a man fucks you doesnt mean he owes you anything other than like.. respect of consent. he doesnt even really owe you a ride home. honestly. he doesnt even owe you a drink or dinner. you made an adult decision to give yourself up to this man and he doesnt owe you shit in return. of course, it goes both ways. he buys her a drink - she doesnt owe him anything either. no one owes anyone anything. it's all a matter of your own free will and choice in how you will behave. what kind of person is fucking anyone because they bought them a drink anyways? but thats simplifying - over exaggerating, even. its the guy that asks a girl on a date and spends 150$ on dinner and buys an expensive bottle of wine and takes her to a concert he bought the tickets for; but he doesnt get laid. its now frowned upon - like he struck out on it. like she owed him her body because he decided to spend all this money. but just because youre in a "relationship" -- which is self defined to begin with. like the basic of it is two people who are close and know a lot about each other and spend time with each other and are possibly intimate. thats it. thats all the fuck there is. they owe you nothing in the past present or future. its just two fuckig people spending time together. thats it. how they choose to spend that time is totally up to them and whatever makes them as a couple and as individuals happy. and when you cant find that balance you no longer spend time together and thus no longer have a relationship. i also though, have to break out of this old mind set i've had for years that is a really ignorant mind set brought on by upper middle class people degrading me and my upbringing. but it happened for so long and so often that it's hard not to now believe it and default to this line of thinking. i feel like i've been reprogramming my brain. and i have to or else i remain in limbo - i have anxiety about life and then i feel bad about not working and then i have anxiety about not working and cant work because it's all just a cycle and i've just been made to feel like such a piece of shit, such a subhuman because this is the path ive "chosen". but in a multiple choice scenario where your choices are given to you and you have to select one, your level of free will has been diminished. and thats the scenario you live in when you are in poverty. but i'm too sick to get out of poverty. i feel stupid in some ways for believing this doctor will help me get on disability and receive more money. but i just want to live. i just want to live and be able to survive without this constant anxiety and worry about how to eat let alone how to deal with issues i've been struggling with since my teenage years. so i'm really hopeful, on the inside, because it would be jynxing it to be hopeful on the outside. but i'm tryng to go with it. i'm trying ot believe that he's right and right now i am making myself sick, i am perpetuating the cycle by not trying all these avenues of help. instead of worrying about not working or having money, i'm just trying to be. i'm just trying to know that i am sick and it's not "my fault" and i'm not "a burden". it's "okay" that i'm not working right now. i wouldnt be capable of it if i tried. and those failures because i am sick and unable to succeed just add to the issue. so i am tryng to focus on what works for me. because i am doing "the right thing". i'm doing the few things i can do, what i'm supposed to do - it's atleast given me some results. i have a few projects on the go and one remains to be the most successful thing ive done in the past year of my life and the success i've gotten from it has been something i have consistently worked hard for and has given me a reason to perservere in some very dark moments. i dont think people realize that though. they just see it as this thing i like to do but i see it as one of the very few reasons to wake up and do something. i feel responsible to people i have build a decent relationship with even though i have discovered that everyone is a human being and all have flaws which make them difficult to work with at times. maybe a majority of the time, even, but this is how i created something that has a purpose to me. something that goes beyond financial gain and politics and drugs and death -- something that is just good. it's just nice and good. it's not poisoned - though it has been threatened to be. and it has taught me so many good lessons in life and business. its one of the best things i have done. i want to continue my belief in that and myself. i lost that in the past six months. i lost the confidence that i knew what i was doing but i was allowing other people to do shitty things, to take control, to take advantage when they didn't care. and it was okay they didnt care. but i cared. and now that ive shown that i cared i am receiving more positive feedback and gaining more respect including from people who did not really enjoy me before as a person. i believe the best steps i can take right now is to focus first and foremost on my health and mental well being; which is accepting that my mental health directly affects my physical health and thus i am not a bad person for being tired and feeling sick even if i'm physically active and eating healthy. secondly is to secure a foundation in which i can build a stable independent life on regardless of how that is secured - even if it is not viewed as positive in popular opinion, like disability. it doesnt matter because independent means seperate from other people so other peoples opinions dont actually matter in this scenario. even if that means losing close relationships - such as the one with him. if i have true belief that this is what is best for me and i am literally putting it into the action when i want nothing more but to die on a regular basis then it is worth losing a relationship for if it means i'm going to live until next year. if it means i have a personal reason to live until next year. third is to allow myself to follow my ideas through and promote a healthy work ethic in myself that will build towards better socializing and potential revenue streams. it does not matter right now that its not making money. i am not bill gates over here. i'm not trying to reinvent the wheel. i'm just trying to do me. it's not about how this "directly affects my life" because i "dont have money". i am not capable of earning money through normal ways and cleaning apartments is not sustainable or worthy of investing my time in when it doesnt benefit me in any way but a brief 50$ spent on weed to nurture myself from the experience. quick-cash scenarios are feeding the cycle, even if it seems beneficial short term. some of my ideas are artistic, some are more administrative with real potential to make money without relying on 20$ jewelry sales. i really want to elevate what i'm doing in all areas of my life because that level of attention to detail is what makes me feel good about myself. looking at what ive created and seeing it as aesthetically pleasing and professionally sound to my eye and recieving positive feedback for it makes me feel good about myself. and i deserve to feel good about myself and i'm not self absorbed; the things i do are very charitable and serve my community and peers as well as allow me to explore my thoughts and ideas creatively. it is very easy to feed into the very quick dim witted insults that i get about this though. "sure, i wish IIII could just sit at home and play on the computer getting diability but i have to work" -- at first response, we've both forgotten why i'm even sitting at home to begin with; why it's hard for me, why i would be getting disability. all that's seen is someone "sitting at home". they do not see the sickness. they do not experience the life i've lived. i've been contnually slashed at by almost everyone i've ever known and just gotten up like "okay, it's cool, i got this" and acted like everything was fine but i'm bleeding out and have been bleeding out for a long time. you just cannot fix this overnight. and it's only now even as i write this that i realize i havent even focused on myself like this in years. literally years. i've actually felt very surreal lately because this shift in focus like i dont know anything of whats happening becuse i dont know myself and this is new to me. i feel disconnected. but ive spent a long time analyzing other people. and their actions towards me. and how ive felt about their actions towards me. and how their actions affected my life afterwards. very rarely have i ever analyzed just myself. my own actions, my own desires, my own beliefs which have little to no influence from outside sources. my combining life experiences to form the opinions which make up who i am; not who i'm told i am by my parents or my boyfriend. just me. and for a very long time i would say or think that whatever i thought about things, whatever my opinions or beliefs were, they werent that important. they werent as important as what everyone else thought because i wanted to be seen as a good person because good people experience a positive life. i want to have a positive life. i didnt want to be around drugs or drunks or stupid people. i wanted to join groups and do good things and be altruistic. i wanted and maybe still want to in some ways, serve people. because everyone else is more important than i am. its taken me a very long time - like a stubbornly long time that is actually exactly how long it would take me because thats exactly who the fuck i am - to admit that not all people are good. like even if 50% were good, even if 70% were good, there are billions of people on this planet so 30% would still be a fucking shit load of people that more than likely are walking past you on the street. they gotta live somewhere. you cant pretend like absolutely none of the bad people that clearly exist in the world dont exist around you. and unfortunately, and i'm still really stubborn on this, i think the number is higher in terms of bad people. i see a lot of bad people on a regular basis. not even associated with me. just out in the world, people doing shitty things to other people. so i think i could almost safely say atleast half of the worlds population are probably assholes. so to live in the belief that you are not important perpetuates a serious amount of trauma and abuse by the sheer number of assholes who exist on this planet. you actually need to be much better prepared in order to really sift through who is an asshole and who is not an asshole. if you think you're a piece of shit then no one is an asshole because whatever anyone does, they're better than you anyways so how could it be "bad". how can you "complain". it's not downgrading the trauma thats experienced - for example, my abusive ex, but knowing i wasnt important allowed me to stay in the relationship. i perpetuated the abuse by staying and accepting i wasnt important. when i left, it stopped. and even if i think i'm not important, at 27 years in, i really also don't like trauma and abuse. i do not like those feelings even if feeling important is not "important". but in order to stop trauma and abuse, the number one thing that must change is not feeling or believing me or my thoughts or emotions are important. what i regularly would deem as selfish is self-sufficient. it's survival. my stubbornness in believing the world is good is causing me serious harm. people are not all good, they do not all have good hearts but it's okay because some are good. all of them are human beings with flaws, but some are good human beings with flaws. so the fourth most important thing right now is breaking and creating connections with the "right" people. i am tired of drug users. i have been tired of drug users since i was sixteen and i am still tired of them now. i have never known a good drug user. i have never wanted to remain friends with one. i have never become a regular drug user. i am constantly embarassed and ashamed of the times i spent on drugs. it's okay to be alone if it means not spending time with people you're not going to do anything with anyways and you don't feel a good connection with. i want to be heard. right now, i'm not being heard. i believe thats a serious flaw in my closest relationship but i believe the voices in his head are screaming so loud, even when he's trying to listen, he can't hear anything past his own bullshit. it's not for lack of trying. i would love for him to be finished being friends with our mutual friend. ive not wanted to be friends for sometime but he didnt particularly care. even though i respect the time ive had with our mutual friend and the help hes given me and the time hes spent with me when ive been feeling down - he has never been helpful. he has also only ever fed me weed and even harder drugs when i have been particularly down. he has hindered my recovery many times and triggered issues. the only reason he is in my life is so i can buy weed easily. and that in itself might be causing an issue in my life. the other week he handed me this book, "i'm okay - you're okay". he told me it was basically what i try to say to him; not the contents, just the title. and i guess that sums it up -- what i'm doing is "okay" and what he is doing is "okay". it hurts, yeah. because i'm a human being with flaws and emotions and my own issues and other people - many other people, not just him - will trigger these issues. a lady at the hospital coldly said, "to me, it might be nothing, to you, it might be everything". but it's true -- this might be nothing to someone else. ive occassionally thought successful marriages have docile women who have accepted that men can be ignorant and aggressive people by nature. everyone seems to have a story of an overzealous over the top angry man - even if they were just angry and no one was harmed. but to me, it's everything. to me, it triggers immediate fear and a response of crying and wanting to run away beause something bad is going to happen. it's not just being yelled at - something bad will happen. when he screamed at me on the weekend, things shifted. i could feel a level of embarassment; it wasn't like he was really trying to prove something. he knew it was a disgusting display, immature and extremely unhelpful for my particular situation. he wanted to quickly sweep it aside - just as he did again today when he realized i wasnt actually trying to start "something".