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tillxthexearthxstartsxtoxcrumble · 3 years

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Bobby made a list of all the possible things that could’ve gone wrong that day. He was going to update it that night, once the show was done and they had rocked out the Orpheum. It started out great. The four boys woke up with hardly any sleep in them because of their excitement for the day, but nothing could kill their adrenaline for the day ahead of them. Even Bobby, who usually tried to hide his emotions, was almost all smiles that morning. They all got their parents to agree to let them stay the night in the studio.

“Just think, later tonight we could have a manager and we could finally get big like we’ve always dreamed!” Luke said, being the band’s usual hype man. Reggie nodded,

“Yeah! Who knows what’s gonna happen tonight, but it’s gonna be a big night.” Alex smiled in response, but the band knew the fact that their entire future was almost riding on that night, it would make him more anxious than the rest of them. They were all anxious about it, of course, but they wouldn’t let it take away from their excitement in any way.

“No matter what happens I’m sure everything will turn out good in the end.” Bobby tried subtly reassuring Alex, which didn’t do much, but Alex appreciated the attempt.

“Yeah for sure.” he nodded. They knew he wouldn’t wanna ruin their fun with this, so they all shared a look and immediately knew what to do.

“Hey, let’s go check out the area. Maybe we’ll be able to meet some fans!” Reggie got his big grin, opening the garage doors for them to start on their quest to calm Alex down at least in the slightest.

Bobby’s list of things that could go wrong - 1. An instrument could get damaged.

They ended up seeing some people already lining up outside the orpheum, waiting just so they could get good spots. All of their hearts felt like they were flying when they saw the sight. Alex actually got a real smile at that, not the one he gave them to make them feel better.

“Luke, are you sure you wanna open with ‘Now or Never’?” Bobby questioned him, “It kinda feels like one we should save for last, y’know, to really blow them all away. It’s our song we always hear the most positive response to.”

“That’s exactly why we gotta start with it, man! We gotta show everyone how good we are, catch them by surprise and keep them on the edge of their seats. I don’t want them to just enjoy us at the end, we gotta keep them going the whole time!” Bobby couldn’t help but smile at the boy’s enthusiasm.

“All right, fine, but if the crowd doesn’t seem as passionate about the rest, don’t blame me.” Reggie chuckled and put his arm around his friends.

“I say we go check out the area and see if we wanna get something to eat and we just kill time for a while before we go and rehearse.”

~♧~

That’s what they did for a while, they ended up having a lot of fun and they managed to get their nerves set aside and that allowed them to get fully excited for the show later that night.

“Hey, do any of you wanna hear my joke about the blunt pencil? Oh it doesn’t matter, it’s pointless.” Bobby said, and he got an evil grin at the sound of his friends letting out an annoyed groan.

“No, I want to hear it!” Reggie said excitedly, which only made his friends get more tired of them.

“Reggie that-” at the look on Reggie’s face Alex just paused and sighed, “okay.”

Luke decided to ignore the terrible puns going on and turned to his friends. “Hey, let’s go do that sound check- we don’t wanna not be ready for our performance.”

~♧~

“You sure you don’t wanna go with them? I’m not sure you’ll be able to occupy yourself for two hours.” Rose smiled at him,

“Nah, they’ll be fine. I’m not sure even they could fuck everything up in the time they go get food and come back.“ Bobby chuckled, trying to come up with more flirty lines but given his tendency to use terrible puns, he’s not exactly the best with flirting either.

It had been almost an hour and a half since they’d left. Bobby knew it might’ve taken them awhile to find food and get it but it shouldn’t be taking them this long.

“Bobby, I say we just go out and search for them. Maybe they lost track of time and we just need to go get them.” Rose suggested to the anxious guitar player.

“No- No, they wouldn’t ever lose track of time. This means the world to them. They’ll be here. I know they will. Even if they died, they’d find a way to play the Orpheum.” Bobby started pacing back and forth. They both knew he was just trying to convince himself at that point, “They wouldn’t miss this.”

Bobby’s list of things that could go wrong - 2.The equipment is messed up.

“Luke, R-Reggie” Alex croaked out, tears streaming down his cheeks from the pain. They didn’t respond. Alex felt everything inside him stop. They were gone. The pain from the hotdogs weren’t even anything compared to the loss he felt. Alex screamed, his two best friends just died. He started coughing up blood, everyone around him trying to save the boy but knowing they couldn’t.

“Please, I don’t wanna die.”

Bobby started getting a little upset at them for taking this long, they had missed the rest of rehearsal and they only had minutes before they were supposed to go on stage. Why were they taking so long?

“I don’t wanna go to hell.” He begged.

Bobby could hear everyone chanting just thirty feet away. They were late, he couldn’t go on without them. He felt everything in his body freeze up when he saw the doors open, he hoped it was them.

The last thing Alex heard was a thumping noise filling his ears, slowing down into nothing, and a scream.

“Are you Robert?”

Bobby nodded, a wave of fear washing over him. He knew it would be bad but nothing could prepare him for why this man was here.

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but.. You won’t be playing tonight.”

“Alex Mercer, time of death at 10:24 PM”

Bobby stopped breathing for a moment, “What do you mean?”

Everything felt like a blur after that.

“Kid, I don’t know how to tell you this.” the next words felt as if they were being said through a loudspeaker, as Bobby was underwater. “Your bandmates all passed away about half an hour ago.”

Bobby’s list of things that could go wrong - 3.One of them is late.

Bobby was completely calm with the next few words. “Why wasn’t I told right away?” It caught the officer off guard. He shifted, slightly worried at how easily this kid was taking the loss of his friends.

“We had to fix everything up and tell their parents-” before the officer could even finish, Bobby took his guitar off and smashed it right at his feet, which would have hurt like hell if he had cared enough to notice. Bobby was now shaking, but no one could tell if it was out of anger or pain. He had a look that they couldn’t read. He looked at the broken guitar, feeling a mix of dread and relief from doing that. By now, the crowd had started to get quiet after the loud crash of the guitar.

Still trying to stay completely calm, he responded “I’m sorry about that officer. I gotta go, now.” Bobby started walking off only to be stopped.

“We’re gonna have to take you in for investigation. We apologise, but we have to go down to the office.” Bobby paused for a moment, staring off into the distance before he burst into tears. He collapsed, and Rose rushed forward to help him. She’d still been in shock about the whole situation. Just hours ago, she flirted with people who are now dead.

“I- I did this, didn’t I?” Bobby whispered to Rose, she felt her heart break. The officer got more suspicious, thinking this was some kind of act. To try and trick them, he confesses to the act and acts broken about it so no one truly suspects him. People can think that sometimes, when they aren’t the ones affected by the situation.

“We’re going down to the office right now, if you try to resist I will have to arrest you. I don’t wanna do that to a kid, so let’s just go right now and we can get it all settled.” Bobby stood up, but he couldn’t feel his legs. The noise from earlier came back - like he was underwater, pushing up against the waves and trying to escape, but losing the fight. The officer held him by the arm and pulled him along.

~♧~

“Why didn’t you go with them to have the hot dogs?” Officer Smith asked. Bobby glanced at the voice recorder, still feeling like none of this was real.

“I stayed behind to talk with Rose.” He knew how stupid it sounded. They’d already gone over it but he was already interrogated and ripped apart by that. Bobby couldn’t believe how stupid it sounded, either.

Officer Smith was clearly exhausted, he hadn’t gotten any real evidence so far and he tried doubling down on questions but it wasn’t working. He sighed, pressing stop on the voice recorder.

“Alright, well, we’re gonna let you go home but we’ll have to schedule another interrogation.” Bobby yet again felt like he was pushed underwater. He wanted to say it was him, it was all his fault. He should’ve stopped them, but he didn’t. That might as well make him a killer. He wanted to scream at the officer, to tell him it was all his fault. “You should’ve stopped them” he felt a voice whisper. That voice was him. Bobby knew that. But it didn’t hurt any less. Now the water he’s fighting against is a raging sea, and it’s pitch black out. He can’t tell which way is up and which is down.

Bobby nodded, and got up to leave. As soon as he left the interrogation room, he felt free, though. He felt as if the moon was finally shining a light for him to see which way to go. He started running, he had to tell them about what just happened. How he got into trouble with the police, they’d be concerned but they’re the only ones he can see right now.

He ran faster than he’d ever run in his life before, nearly getting hit by several cars. He saw a girl, she was sitting there in shock. He slowed down just a bit, he heard her muttering something about flirting with death. Bobby recognized her as one of the fans who was lined up outside the Orpheum earlier. He decided not to mess with it, he needed to see his friends.

Bobby was halfway home, and he started to go numb again. They won’t be there. Bobby shook those thoughts away, they would be there. They had to be. Maybe he just... imagined the last few hours. They haven’t even rehearsed yet.

As soon as Bobby opened the doors, he knew it was all real. The only thing he could see, was a dark, empty room. He collapsed to the ground, and this time, the numbness didn’t die down.

The only way Bobby knew he was crying- no, sobbing at that point - was because his neighbor came out to see what had happened. So as soon as the old woman saw her neighbor sitting there, sobbing like he’d just lost the most important thing in the world to him, she had to see if he was okay.

When she went up to him and tapped him on his shoulder, he didn’t even react. He was still crying, staring at the dark garage.

Bobby was thinking of all he just lost.

He’d lost Luke, the passionate writer of the group. Luke was the one in the first place to have come up with the idea of them being in a band together. Him and Luke had been friends since they were at least seven years old. He was there for Luke’s birthday when he first got his guitar, he remembered the excitement Luke had on his face. He was there for all of it, he and Luke worked together on a lot of songs. Luke, the one who would tease him and have fun with almost everything they did. Luke, who he let stay in his garage because his parents wouldn’t let him play music.

Then there was Reggie, the sweet and innocent soul that Bobby had met next, they hadn’t been friends for quite as long but they got along really well. Bobby regretted every time he didn’t take one of Reggie’s offers for hugs, even if they were joke offers. He rarely wrote music with Reggie but he remembered hearing his country songs and country was never Bobby’s style but he definitely liked Reggie’s country songs. They held passion and happiness, it was Reggie’s escape just as much as it was Luke’s.

Then there was Alex, the one who used to have a really good family life. He and his parents always got along, they always let him play music. They didn’t like the idea of him being in a band, but they never tried to stop him. Then he came out and all that changed. He was one of the most talented and humble people Bobby had ever met. He was kind and also the most sarcastic and snarky person Bobby had ever met.

He’d lost them.

“Robert, are you okay?” He got snapped out of his thoughts as he looked at his neighbor with tears still streaming down his face. How could he be alright? His entire world just collapsed around him. He lost everyone he loved. But Bobby couldn’t speak. He couldn’t even open his mouth.

He recalls a time once, when he was younger, at the beach. Before he met any of the guys. He’s surprised he even remembers a time before them - he’s known them for what feels like his entire life. He was always a good swimmer, growing up by the water, but being small and easily pushed over left him defenseless as a particularly strong wave pulled him under. He remembers feeling helpless. Wondering if he might drown.

Sitting there, in the studio, he thinks that he might as well stay under and let the water fill his lungs.

The entirety of the next few months, that feeling stayed the same. He’d hardly spoken a word to anyone, so his parents made him go to a therapist, but they didn’t understand why he would look past him and mutter random words, why the parents said he talks to himself almost all day. Of course, they knew the boy had lost his best friends , but with how Bobby seemed to handle every other problem in life, they knew that this broke him.

Bobby had to see his therapist at least once a week for many, many years. But Bobby never felt the same. Yes, he was freed of any suspicion under having killed them by the police. But he still felt like he was being pushed farther underwater by large waves, and he’d accepted that he’d never get out of that ocean.

He changed his name, found new people, and even started to make music again. But he couldn’t write any new music. Nothing good, anyway. He couldn’t do it without his band, his family. Every time he released a song, he just felt more numb. More cold.

He felt moments of happiness, yes. He felt that with Olivia, who he was with for a long time. He had new friends. He had many, many fans. But somehow, none of it felt like it would ever change the fact that he lost his family.

Only a few years later, he saw the sunlight. His little girl, Carrie. His hope, his joy. Olivia and him had split up, but he knew he could provide the best life for her. He might not be able to get out of the ocean, but he can see his way around now. It didn’t have to change his loss of his friends, it didn’t change his guilt, but he had something to live for.

Maybe he could survive.

Taglist: @nickalicious @futurearchaeologyprof @never-straight-no @queenmolina @suckerforpsychos @nervousmiracletrash @bluedarkness @queer-fandom-frog @bi-reginald @jelly-to-my-jam

You can thank @bi-reginald for the editing and some of the writing! 🖤

#Aight some of this is shit Ill admit #but I TRIED #jatp #julie and the phantoms #netflixwewantjatp2 #jatp fic #jatp fanfic #jatp fanfiction #jatp angst #bobby bobbert bobberlicious the third #bobby jatp #jatp bobby #bobby nolastname #bobby angst #bobby wilson #trevor wilson #trevor jatp #carrie wilson

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drabbles-mc · 4 years

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With Me

Nestor Oceteva x Reader

Request by Anon: I absolutely loved the new Nestor fics!! Can i request “(She/he/they) don’t belong with (her/him/them)!” “Than who do(es) (she/he/they) belong with?” “…..with me.” with him????

Warnings: light angst (with a happy ending), language, Nestor being ~jealous and protective~

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Sorry my blog has been kinda dead lately. Been struggling with some work stuff and it’s given me a bit of writer’s block. I’m hoping to get back to it. Just know that if you sent me a request I am totally planning on writing for it, it just might not happen quickly. And I’m hoping to update my multi-chaps soon as well. Thanks for all your patience. Enjoy this lil Nestor one-shot! xo

General Mayans/Nestor Taglist: @mayans-sauce @thesandbeneathmytoes @paintballkid711 @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @queenbeered @sillygoose6969 @sesamepancakes @yourwonkywriter @chibsytelford @gemini0410 @multiyfandomgirl40 @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @plentyoffandoms @georgiaaintnopeach @twistnet @garbinge @amandinesblogofstuff @bucky-iss-bae @the-radical-venus

You were sitting on the barstool next to Nestor’s, both of you commiserating over how exhausting your weeks had been. Work was very different for the two of you, obviously, but you were both drained nonetheless.

The bar you went to was a quiet one. It was mostly business men and women doing the same thing the two of you were—blowing off steam after a long week. People didn’t pay the two of you much mind, which suited you just fine. You and Nestor had a habit of getting lost in your own little bubble anyway.

You were about to jump into your next work story when your phone started going off in your pocket. You glanced over at Nestor as if to ask if it was alright to answer. He nodded and you lifted the phone to your ear.

“Hello?” you paused, smiling, “Hey, baby. Nothing, I’m at the bar with Nestor. Do you wanna st—” you stopped, expression falling, “Oh, okay. No, I get it. I’ll talk to you later. Yea, you too. Bye.”

You hung up with a heavy sigh. Nestor sat silently for a moment before asking, “All good?”

You nodded, rolling your eyes, “Yea. Cancelled again.”

Even though he knew the answer, he still asked, “Dante?”

“Mhm,” you shook your head slightly, wondering why you were still at all surprised.

Nestor bit back the snide comments swirling around in his brain. He had never been a fan of Dante, and he let you know that. Nestor wasn’t ever rude to him, but they weren’t friends either. You knew that it didn’t help that your boyfriend was intimidated by Nestor, even if he never admitted it.

“That mean you have time for another drink?” he tried to lighten the mood.

You laughed, “Means I have time for a few more,” you immediately flagged down the bartender to order another round for both of you.

A few quickly turned into…more than that for you. Nestor tried to get you to slow down but he knew that it was a losing battle at that point. The best he could do for you was to take your keys, so he did. He knew that after an already shitty week, this was the final straw, but he still hated to see you so drained and frustrated and still trying to pretend that you were alright.

“Fuck him,” you blurted out as Nestor helped you stumble-walk to his car.

He chuckled, “I know.”

He let you rant the whole drive to your apartment about how fed up you were with your boyfriend. He wondered if you’d remember it all in the morning and finally, maybe, break up with him. Nestor knew he was biased, but you deserved better. He told you that constantly, but you always waved him off, saying it wasn’t that bad.

“Your relationship should be better than just not bad, Y/N,” trying to talk sense to you in the state that you were in was futile, but he still had to try.

“You’re so sweet, Nestor,” you cooed tiredly from the passenger seat.

He didn’t respond, not wanting to feed into words you wouldn’t remember in the morning. He glanced over at you a couple minutes later and saw that you’d fallen asleep. There was no stopping the smile that spread across his face at the sight of you.

Before he knew it, he was parking in front of your apartment building. As much as he didn’t want to wake you, he knew he had to. He got out and walked over to your side of the car, nudging you awake. You groaned in protest, but allowed him to help you out of the vehicle.

He was thankful that you only lived on the second floor of your building. With a sigh, he knocked on the door. He’d already let your roommate know that he was bringing you home. She opened the door, clearly exhausted and bundled up in her bathrobe.

“Sorry,” he offered up as he crossed the threshold into the apartment.

She shook her head, “Don’t be. Thanks for getting her home safely.”

He helped you to your room, gently lowering you onto the bed. You had no desire to change into pajamas and it wasn’t a battle that Nestor was going to pick. He pulled the blanket up over you, letting out a quiet sigh as he lightly rested his hand on your shoulder for a moment.

Not wanting to linger for too long, he turned and walked back towards your bedroom door. He heard you mumble out a quiet thank you, and he smiled to himself as he shut the door behind him.

Your roommate was still in the living room, an expectant look on her face, “Can I ask what happened to her?”

Nestor sighed and shrugged, “Shit with Dante.”

She shook her head, “Of course.”

“They have a lot of issues lately?”

She shot him a curious look, “No more than usual, I guess. Why?”

“He’s a waste of her fucking time.”

She bit back a laugh, knowing that Nestor was extra protective of you. She had a pretty good idea of why, too, “No, really, tell me how you really feel,” she smiled.

“Come on, you see it too, right? He doesn’t deserve her. She doesn’t belong with him.”

She fought back the urge to smile, “Who does she belong with, then?”

“With me,” the words came out before he could stop them. His eyes went wide, instantly realizing what he had said. Before he could try to take it back, though, she held up her hand to stop him.

“You ever gonna say anything to her about that?”

He shook his head, “What’s the point?”

She shrugged, “You might be more convincing than you think. That’s all.”

He pressed his lips into a thin line, “Mhm,” he sighed, “Anyway. Sorry for barging in so late.”

She chuckled, “Don’t worry about it.”

“I can take her to get her car tomorrow.”

She nodded, “Sounds good. Have a good night.”

“You too,” he walked out of the apartment, shutting the door quietly behind him.

He was mentally kicking himself the whole drive home. Why he wasn’t able to catch himself before he said anything was beyond him—he was usually better than that. He just hoped that your roommate wouldn’t say anything to you about it.

You woke up the next morning with a groan, and a throbbing sensation in your head. You had a vague set of memories from the night before, but it was hard to think about it through the hangover. You slowly forced yourself to sit upright, gently rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You checked your phone and saw that you had multiple missed texts from your boyfriend, and that was when it all really came rushing back. You let out a heavy sigh, making the conscious choice to ignore him for the time being. You weren’t done being upset with him.

You slowly made your way to the kitchen for coffee and aspirin. You heard your roommate chuckling from the living room and shook your head, “Don’t.”

She laughed, “What are you talking about? I didn’t say anything.”

You sighed as you poured coffee into your mug, “You don’t have to. I already know what you’re going to say.”

“Oh? And what’s that?”

You threw back a few aspirin before turning to look at your friend, “You’re going to say that he is more stress than he’s worth, and that I should’ve left him about ten cancelled dates ago.”

She nodded, “And the number will keep getting higher the longer you put it off.”

You shook your head slightly, “I know it’s shitty, Julia. I’m not an idiot.”

“I never said that you were. But you know that if the roles were reversed you would be telling me the same thing.”

You let out a dry laugh, “Since when do I ever take my own advice?”

“Maybe you should start,” she paused for a moment, “Nestor said he’d take you to go get your car, by the way.”

“Fuck,” you groaned, “My car. Didn’t even think about that.”

She shrugged, “Call him. I’m sure he’d be more than happy to come and whisk you away.”

You chuckled as you got your phone out to text him, “You make it sound so extravagant.”

“He’s a good guy, you know,” she sipped on her coffee.

You looked over at her, “Don’t.”

“What? I’m just…stating a fact.”

You took another swig of your coffee and walked away without another word on the matter, desperate to take a shower and put some more comfortable clothes on. You couldn’t remember the last time you fell asleep in your work clothes like that.

By the time you were done showering and getting ready, Nestor was already outside your apartment building. You said goodbye to your roommate, trying to make it was quick as possible before she could say anything else. On a couple other occasions, before Dante, she had made comments about you and Nestor. She laid off of it once you got a boyfriend, though, so you were wondering what made her pick the habit back up again.

You collapsed into the passenger seat of Nestor’s car with a sigh. He looked over at you, smiling, “Looks like you had a rough one last night.”

“Thank you so much for bringing me home. I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head, “Don’t be. Glad I could help,” he paused, “You talk to him at all?”

You sighed, “No. I don’t even want to at this point. He’s just gonna apologize and say it won’t happen again. But it will.”

“Why are you wasting your time with him, then?” he kept his tone fairly neutral considering how much the situation bothered him.

You shrugged, “Sometimes I’m not even sure, honestly. Sunk cost, maybe? I don’t know. Breakups are always so messy.”

“I can deliver the message for you,” there was a lightness to his tone but you knew that he definitely would.

“Ha, that would be a sight for sure,” you laughed, shaking your head.

The rest of the ride passed with silence between the two of you, the only noise coming from the music playing quietly from the car radio. Every now and then you’d look over at Nestor, thinking about what your roommate had said. With concentrated effort you were able to push the thoughts from your mind.

“I’m just saying,” he said out of nowhere as he pulled into the parking lot of the bar, “you deserve someone who, at minimum, fucking shows up for you.”

You smiled at him, “I appreciate it, Nestor,” you unbuckled and stepped out of the car, walking around to his side as he got out, “And I appreciate you always looking out for me. I’ve got it handled, though.”

He stood in front of you as you leaned back against the side of his car, toying idly with the keys in between your fingers. There was a small smirk on his face as he took in the sight of you, still thinking you looked beautiful hungover in your sweats, fresh out of the shower.

He shrugged, “I know I can’t tell you what to do. But you deserve more than being disappointed all the time,” he sighed, “You know I think Dante’s an asshole. But I’d be willing to look past that if he was at least good to you, but he’s not. You talk about sunk cost but why keep wasting your fucking time if he’s not even making you happy?”

You couldn’t meet his eyes, “Because it’s better than being alone.”

“He’s still making you feel that way anyway, though!”

“I know!” you snapped. You took an unsteady breath, knowing that this blowout was a long time coming. You just wished that it didn’t have to happen right in that moment, “You’re right, okay? And yea I know better than to just be with someone for the sake of being with someone but…I don’t fucking know, Nes,” you shook your head, “Sometimes I just think that it’s easier this way. I know what to expect, even if the expectations aren’t exactly good. Leaving and having to tear down all those walls again with someone new? That’s fucking exhausting and I don’t want to keep doing that over and over again.”

“So you’re just gonna stay with him and be miserable forever?”

“Forever,” you scoffed, “C’mon, don’t be dramatic.”

“Well that’s the alternative, right? You either leave him, or you stay with him forever.”

“Why is this such a fucking issue for you all of a sudden?”

“Because you were on the brink of a fucking bender last night because of him. I hate that someone out there is making you feel that way when they’re supposed to be the one making you happy.”

“It’s not your job to worry about me and keep me in check,” your eyes were glued to the tips of your shoes.

“Yea, it is,” he stepped in, gently cupping your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him, “because I care about you.”

A wave of heat washed over your entire body and you couldn’t force yourself to move, or talk. All you could do was look into his eyes and try not to let your knees buckle underneath you. You and Nestor had hugged and touched a million times but not like this, never like this. He made you feel small and safe all at once.

“I just want you to be happy,” his voice was soft.

“I know,” you finally forced the words out, barely audible.

He traced his thumb across your cheek, “I could make you so happy, Y/N.”

You didn’t know why you felt like you were about to cry, but you did. You tried to take a deep breath to calm your nerves as you rested your hands over his. You closed your eyes and leaned into his touch, “I know.”

“Will you let me do that?”

“Nes…”

“You know I’m right. You said it yourself,” he let out a soft chuckle as his hands slid down so they were resting on your shoulders.

You smiled up at him, realizing how close he had gotten, closing what little distance was between the two of you and nearly pinning you against the side of the car. You ran your hands over your face, a smirk fighting its way onto your face despite the myriad of emotions coursing through you, “You’re not gonna let this go, huh?”

He smiled, shaking his head, “No.”

You laughed, but your expression quickly sobered as you looked him in the eye, “I can’t lose you, Nestor.”

“You won’t,” there was no hesitation in his response, “I promise. You just, you gotta give me a chance.” You took a deep breath, leaning forward so your forehead rested against his chest. You shut your eyes, reveling in the way his arms instantly wrapped around you. He gave you a light squeeze, “You deserve to be happy.”

You pulled back from him just enough so that you could look at his face. He had one of the softest smiles you’d ever seen, and you couldn’t help but to smile in return when you saw it. You rested your hands on his chest, “We’re really gonna do this?”

“Only if you want to.”

You nodded, “I do.”

He smiled, “Then yea, we’re really doing this,” he pulled you tight against his chest with a laugh, “Can I break the news to Dante?”

You laughed, shaking your head, “Absolutely not. I get to do that part.”

He let out an exaggerated sigh, “Fine. I guess that’s fair.”

The two of you stood there like that for a few moments, processing the weight of everything that had just happened. You could feel the steady beat of his heart through his shirt, and despite the chaos of the situation that you were in, you found yourself feeling calm, reassured.

“Thank you,” you finally broke the silence, “for, you know, for not giving up on me.”

He squeezed you tight for a moment, “I’ve got you, always.”

It was refreshing to be able to believe what you were being told. You let out a sigh of relief, knowing that he meant it, knowing that your days of questioning things and being filled with disappointment and uncertainty were over. He felt like a breath of fresh air, like you were coming home after being away for far too long.

#mayans mc #mayansmc #mayans fx #mayans mc imagine #nestor oceteva #nestor oceteva x reader #nestor oceteva x you #nestor oceteva imagine #my writing #fanfiction #nestor oceteva request #drabblesmc

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maybedefinitely404 · 4 years

Text

Not Your Typical

Genre: college AU, hurt/comfort (kind of?)

Pairings: romantic Demus, Logicality, and Prinxiety

Content: some language, autistic character, sensory overload, mentions of losing friends in the past, anxiety, unintentional self harm, Roman is kind of a jerk but he regrets it, food mentions, unable to eat certain consistencies, beach/water/swimming, Janus being a disaster gay, ASL, selective mutism.

Word count: 6k

Comments: Like always, I don’t intend for these to be so long. Holy cow.

Janus is written based mostly on my experiences as someone with autism, and how it’s affected my childhood/relationships/daily life. No one’s experience is the same.

Janus was always alone. Alone, not lonely.

Most of the time, that is.

His whole childhood was an endless cycle of make a friend, weird them out, be alone. Find another friend, weird them out, be alone. And sometimes it hurt, yeah, but he got used to it. At home, he spent the entire day in his room, assembling structures out of legos before tearing them down and starting over. Sometimes he’d build something really cool, and that would stay up for a long time. He didn’t have any siblings, and his parents didn’t give a whoop as long as the floor was generally clear, so no one ever bothered the space ships or towers or just really long lines that stretched from one wall to the other. He liked those.

Things changed when he got to middle school. Life started getting real, people became more than just recess friends, and that unsettled him. He made a couple close friends, friends that he really opened up to only for them to leave him when he became too much. He just couldn’t help it though; he couldn’t help the way he bounced when he got so excited he couldn’t breathe, or how he couldn’t use words when he got overwhelmed by the touch and the noise, or how he couldn’t stop talking about his favorite shows or books. He was labeled as childish. It was like a label had been stuck to his chest that read “avoid at all costs”, and people did.

So he relearned how to be alone. He put a lava lamp next to his bed for when he needed something constant to look at, he got a collection of chewy necklaces and stim toys that never left his room. After a lot of research, he convinced his parents to buy him a weighted blanket for when every touch was too light, too agonizingly light, and he needed something firm to ground him. At school, or really around anyone, he learned to control his more obvious stimming and touch sensitivity by staying in oversized sweaters and jeans. He taught himself basic sign language for when he couldn’t talk, even though he knew his parents wouldn’t understand him. They took forever to learn basic signs, for ‘water’ or ‘quiet’ or ‘no’, and both eventually got frustrated and gave up. As if their frustration was anything compared to his.

It was going great, not perfect but better than before, until he graduated high school. Suddenly he realized he was about to move halfway across the country, to a new environment with new triggers and new people who didn’t understand that he wasn’t frowning because he was pissed, but because smiling when you didn’t understand the reasoning was exhausting. Why do people smile and greet you when they enter the room? Why couldn’t that be more of an… understood thing? I’m here, you’re here now, we both know that, so why bring so much attention to it? For once his parents were kind enough to help him out, taking him to the campus during the summer to get acquainted with the surroundings and learn the map by heart. He talked to the admission’s counselor, explaining his disability and why that meant he couldn’t be on the side of campus near the highway, because the constant noise and common sirens would make him explode. They were eventually able to move him to one of the other buildings, one with apartments instead of dorms, even though that was generally only for third and fourth years. It took a load off his shoulders; less noise, less people. The one thing he couldn’t do was meet his roommates before the year started.

The school got them into contact, and since he was the last to be assigned to the six person pod, they added him into their pre-established group chat. The other five already had nicknames, ranging from ‘Dad’ to ‘Rat Bastard’, and he immediately felt like an outsider. Not like that was new to him, though. Except, he didn’t stay like that. When one of the group, ‘Nerdy Mcnerd’ on the chat (he’d long forgotten their actual names), asked him what he liked and he immediately sent a list of special interests and hyperfixations, the top being snakes, it was like a door had been opened. Nerdy Mcnerd was a fan of space as well, and the two stayed up until all hours of night on their own chat discussing space and their place in the universe. Rat Bastard had an affinity for what people would categorize as “creepy animals”; octopi and squid, spiders, star-nosed moles, and most importantly, snakes. Their conversations mostly involved dopey pictures of snakes and unintelligible key smashes and emojis. Emo Disaster shared his love of darker themed TV shows, and they started a couple new ones at the same time, constantly updating each other with theories. When he mentioned his major was psychology, Dad was immediately overjoyed to be sharing the major with someone, and offered to help him study for the harder classes. He didn’t hit it off quite so well with Princey, who was put off by Janus’ so called “moodiness” and didn’t trust him.

When they finally met, it was supposed to be great. Janus knew the environment, somewhat knew his roommates, and was surprisingly excited for the new year. His joy was suddenly vanquished, however, as meeting these people face to face took a turn for the worse. Dad, Patton, immediately tried to go for the hug when he walked into the apartment for the first time, and was slightly taken aback when Janus reared back so hard he hit his head on the wall. The glee disappeared and he apologized profusely, and that’s when Nerdy Mcnerd, Logan walked in, explaining that Patton was very physical. They were over it rather quickly, but Janus shuddered as soon as the other two turned to each other. They had already claimed one of the three rooms for themselves, so Janus chose the one furthest into the apartment. He dropped his suitcases next to one of the two beds with a deep sigh. The thought of a hug… no. It unsettled him greatly, made his skin crawl. Maybe one day, but not now.

Emo Disaster and Princey, Virgil and Roman, arrived later in the day, hand in hand, bickering animatedly when they walked into the apartment. They were greeted with a huge hug from Patton and a side hug from Logan, and that’s when Janus recalled that they had all been roommates the year prior and again, felt a small tinge of pain. He was still the odd one out. Virgil gave a two finger salute to where Janus was sitting curled up on one of the bar stools, knees pulled to his chest and for the first time, Janus didn’t feel compelled to give a forced smile in greeting. It was a relief. The small nod was all that was needed. Roman however, was a different story. When they happened to make eye contact for the first time, the taller man still standing in the doorway, Janus flinched. Hard. The man’s eyes burned through him, as if scouring through his brain, eyes so full of passion that Janus had to look away. Eye contact was only an issue for him sometimes, but with Roman, it physically hurt. Which only made the theatre major more suspicious of him. As he passed him on the way to get a glass of water, the taller man blurted out, “You’re a first year, why are you in a third year building?”, earning him a gentle smack from Virgil. He answered with a lame shrug and rushed back to his room, conceding to just go to sleep, regretting leaving his drink on the counter.

No one besides Janus was surprised when the door burst open at three am and a loud voice screamed, “I’M BACK, FUCKERS!” He was frozen in place, woken with such an adrenaline rush that he couldn’t move. Outside, the other four exited their rooms with varying levels of annoyance and delight, greeting the final member of the group. Remus, as Janus heard them proclaim, was his roommate, the only two dwellers not in a relationship. The gremlin burst into the room, a deranged smile on his face, and Janus wanted to cry. Why did he have to be stuck in a room with the loud one? But Remus saw the mismatched eyes poking out from under the blanket and with no hesitation, sunk to the floor next to the bed, still smiling but a million decimals softer.

“Hey, Snakey. Sorry to scare ya. I’m Remus, but you can still call me Rat Bastard if you want. Call me whatever, I don’t really get offended. You go back to sleep, I’m gonna get settled in. We can talk in the morning.”

Janus wasn’t planning to fall asleep, not with this new person in his room, but Remus was shockingly silent as he unloaded his things (he packed a bunch of garbage bags, not even a suitcase or box), and he couldn’t help the way his eyes slipped shut.

First semester came to a close, and he was equally delighted and horrified that everyone was staying on campus for break. It had become harder and harder for him to avoid movie nights, or family dinners (as Patton called them), or days they all went into town together. In the beginning, he put it off to being tired. Then, studying for exams. Now with school halted for nearly a month, he was out of excuses. It was getting to the point where he could feel the frustration from his roommates, and he wanted to admit how much he wanted to spend time with them, until his drawer full of secret stim toys and chewy necklaces called him back. At times, he let himself spend time with them. Baked something with Patton, talked about the stars with Logan, sat with Virgil as they studied, and it was good. He never was able to escape Roman’s cynical glares that made him absolutely shudder, but he got on much better with his twin.

Remus never minded if Janus only greeted him with a raised eyebrow, and he was okay to have more one sided conversations while Janus drew, or after a few weeks, stared unapologetically. Because god, there was so much about Remus that Janus couldn’t help but watch, even if a normal person would get uncomfortable by his wide and unblinking eyes. Luckily, Remus was no ordinary person. But the younger still kept the drawer to himself, only allowing himself to nom on the plastic or squeeze the orbeez filled squishy snake with intense fascination when he was alone. So every time he was with the others and felt the need to stim or infodump or was about to have a stress induced meltdown, he would excuse himself and leave without so much of a goodbye. He couldn’t, not in front of them. Every time he left, he could hear Roman’s quiet remarks about him that stung more than he wanted to admit.

He’d had so many people leave, people he allowed himself to get close to, only for them to see the side of himself he tried to hide. In his heart, he knew that part of him wasn’t bad. It was just him. Other people didn’t understand that, though. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that no one would judge him, or laugh at him because they weren’t like that, he was scared. The effort was wearing him thin, and it came to the point where he realized he had to tell them. He had to, or he would burst, and that would be way worse.

It was just three little words: I. Am. Autistic. And he’d explain everything, tell them about his stims and limits and how he needed space sometimes and hugs others, and spill everything about himself, and they’d accept him. They’d have to, right? Only, the night he was planning to blurt out the truth, something stopped him.

They were eating dinner, one of the only ones he’d attended in a while. Patton kept glancing at him from across the table as he picked half heartedly at his lasagna, distracted from the lively conversation between the twins and Virgil. The whole thing was speckled with bite sized pieces of mushrooms and zucchini, two of the foods that he couldn’t eat to save his life. The texture made him want to recoil into himself and scream and yank at his hair, and he’d learned early in life that that wasn’t a normal response to food. He wanted to explain to Patton that it wasn’t the meal itself he was avoiding, that it wasn’t Patton’s cooking that he didn’t like, it was just the texture of those two things.

Well, maybe that was a good gateway into his big announcement, if you could even call it that. It felt almost as scary as his coming out to his parents had been. If they didn’t take this well, he might be exiled from the group. If they tried to put up with them, they’d get irritated so quickly and slowly freeze him out. He really didn’t want that. It needed to happen though, he realized. How much worse would it be if one of them walked in on him having a meltdown, holding a pillow over his mouth to block his screams, biting almost animalistically on a necklace? How unsettled would they be if they saw him hitting his blanket pile out of repulsion of the feeling of his textbook pages? Better to warn them ahead of time. It was only luck that had gotten him this far.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, Logan hit the table with the heel of his hand and let out an almost guttural scream before storming into his and Patton’s room, slamming the door behind him. Janus nearly fell backwards off his chair, matching Virgil’s surprised expression. Roman went silent, wincing slightly.

“What…” It was the first word he’d said the entire meal. Patton whipped his head towards him as if he’d forgotten he was there, a sudden sympathetic look on his face. He gave a weak smile.

“Sorry about that, kiddo. Logan has autism, sometimes he can’t handle the stimulus around him. Or maybe he just had a rougher day than I thought. I’ll check on him after dinner, give him some alone time.”

Logan has autism.

Oh my god.

It was like everything clicked into place. His passionate talk about topics he was interested in that could rival Janus’ (if he would ever let himself infodump like he wanted). His mannerisms, his occasional emotional outbursts, his rigorous unbreakable schedule, it all made sense. For a brief second, Janus was elated. Someone like him, someone who understood! And if they accepted Logan, maybe they would be able to understand him, even if they presented different areas of the spectrum.

But… how would that look? Janus had hidden away his neurodivergent traits for so long, repressed them until he felt like he would literally explode… what if they thought he was faking it? It’s not like they knew him well, not with the amount of time he avoided being around them. They might think he was lying to get attention, didn’t want to be left out. Wanted to be special.

Patton seemed to be waiting for a response, he noted. He gave a curt nod, hoping it displayed that he was unbothered by Logan’s disability, before giving a stupid excuse about some reading to finish over break and darting back to his room. Remus joined him later, saying nothing about the fact that Janus was huddled under his weighted blanket, no book in sight. He sat down in front of the bed, a common habit of his now, and began to quietly talk about some new dark fantasy story he was designing, his lilting voice soothing Janus to sleep.

Time passed, winter came and went, and the end of second semester was drawing near. Janus was still careful with the way he presented to the others. They had picked up that he didn’t like physical contact, and though they never said a word about it, Patton’s lasagna recipe shifted, kept changing, until it no longer included mushrooms and zucchini. Janus refused to believe it was for his sake, though. He tried to join them for a couple movie nights, but the constant fear of stimming made his anxiety spike, therefore finding the need to stim more compelling, until he had to leave. It was getting harder, however, now that it was that pleasant in-between time where he understood how his new profs worked but it wasn’t exam season yet. His excuses were dwindling. Like always, Roman made his stupid quips that hurt him more than was probably intended, and he’d finally had enough.

Maybe that’s why he was staring out at the open lake in front of him, hands playing absentmindedly with the hem of his shirt as Patton and Remus squealed, sprinting into the water without a second thought. One of their shirts had landed on Janus’ sandaled foot, and he quickly kicked it off as the light touch began to irritate him. Logan stood to his side, watching his boyfriend with an almost imperceivable smile.

“You guys could have helped carry stuff if you were just going to stand there!” Roman’s indignant voice carried over the lawn, muffled slightly by the pile of towels he was carrying. Virgil snorted, whether in agreement or at Princey’s expense, Janus didn’t know. Either way, he dumped his handful of lawn chairs unceremoniously onto the lawn at their feet.

“You two set these up then. I’m hot, I’m going swimming.”

“Damn right, you are,” Roman grinned. Virgil raised an eyebrow.

“Damn right I’m hot, or I’m going swimming?”

“Yes.” He didn’t give any of them a second to retort, scooping up a shrieking Virgil before sprinting them both into the water.

“They didn’t even take their shirts off,” Logan commented, picking up a chair from the pile and unfolding it. Janus quickly joined in, helping him set the four chairs into a line and placing the towels down in front of them. “Did you want to go swimming?”

Admittedly, Janus hadn’t actually gone swimming, much less to the beach, since he was a kid. He was lucky to have even found a swimsuit amongst his other barely worn clothing; how it had snuck into his suitcase, he didn’t know. The water looked inviting and it was hot, but right now he was exhausted from the long ride over in Remus’ truck, having to refrain from plugging his ear when it got too loud or maintain his breathing carefully when a leg touched his.

“Maybe in a bit. I’m kind of tired.”

Logan turned to look at him, dare he say scrutinizingly? He washed the expression away quickly, asking, “Would you like me to stay with you?”

“No, it’s okay,” Janus mumbled, “You go have fun. I’ll be fine, I like the quiet.” As if to punctuate his point, a child screamed from the playground, making them both flinch.

“Are you positive?”

“Yes. Go enjoy yourself, Logan.”

He nodded curtly, pulling his shirt over his head in one fluent motion and walking towards the waves professionally, as if he were walking towards a lecture. Patton cheered from the water.

Janus didn’t concern himself with the time as it passed, instead letting his mind wander while he focused on a line of ants that were crawling up a tree next to him. It wasn’t until a fast approaching form caught his attention did he tear his eyes away, hearing him give a shout of “Be right back!”.

Remus plopped himself onto the towel next to him, still panting from the run, but grinning from ear to ear. As he ripped open a water bottle and drank greedily, Janus couldn’t help but stare. Water glistened on his skin like jewels in the afternoon sun, plastering his hair down over his jaw and eyes. His eyelashes were barely fluttering against his cheekbones as he guzzled nearly half of the bottle, his adam’s apple bobbing with each swallow. The jut of his shoulder, almost touching his throat, taking his weight as he leaned back on his arm… the whole thing was fascinating. People interested Janus as a whole; the way they functioned, how they seamlessly picked up on little cues from others that Janus was still in the process of figuring out, even down to intricate biology of cells was incredibly captivating. But Remus was so much more than that. His voice when he spoke him to sleep, never mentioning it the next day, the way his dark eyes glimmered with hope when Janus agreed to eat with them, the twitch of his moustache as he covered a laugh at Patton’s corny jokes.

He was art, plain and simple.

Janus didn’t know if what he felt was romantic attraction. It sure felt like it, except it had never felt quite like this before. It wasn’t that he was asexual or anything, he was actually decently far from it. It was just how uncomfortable most physical contact made him that gave him the idea he might never have a partner in the way that he wanted. He wanted to hold hands, to cuddle, to kiss… but at the same time, he didn’t. That is, he didn’t know how he’d handle it. Sure, he’d had crushes in the past, cute boys from his classes or celebrities in the shows he hyperfixated on, and still the feeling of uncertainty had stayed. With Remus, something was different though. Never before had a crush ever felt so breath stealing, chest clenching, awe inspiring-

“Like what you see?”

Janus flinched, realizing Remus had finished drinking and was beaming at him with that stupid gorgeous gleam in his eyes. He looked at his lap immediately, feeling his face heat up.

“Sorry.”

“Not a problem,” Remus smirked, having the audacity to wink at him before standing up. “I’m going back in. Coming?” He reached out his hand, hopeful. Janus took a breath, acknowledging that this was his first time initiating contact since he’d arrived, and grabbed Remus’ hand. The surprise on the other’s face was almost enough to make him laugh. He pulled the younger to his feet, keeping a firm hold in Janus’ hand. And… that was okay.

Until it wasn’t.

The second his feet touched the sand, it was like alarm bells exploded behind his eyes. He couldn’t describe it, but it felt wrong. It gave in too much, light sprinkles of sand covered the top of his feet and instantly every nerve was on high alert. He ripped his hand from Remus’, stumbling backwards onto the grass again. The elder spun to him with concern.

“Snakey? What happened?”

“I- hmm, no. I can’t. Nope. No no no. Wrong. It… hmmmm. Can’t.” The last word dragged out as his brain seemed to disconnect from his mouth. His mind didn’t work, so focused on how every blade of grass was swiping along his soles too softly, too gentle, too much. His hands had curled into fists and he was fighting against everything inside him to scream bloody murder, because oh god the wind was brushing the hair onto the back of his neck and it tickled and make it stop make it stop!

Janus could vaguely hear someone shout, and the loudness floored him. Get away, get away, it’s too much it’s too much. The feeling of the grass was gone, and he was sitting on his beach towel, but the wind was still brushing his hair too much, so he grabbed at it uselessly, begging it to stop, stop, stop.

“What’s happening?” Roman.

“Is he okay?” Patton.

“Does he look okay?” Virgil.

“Janus, breathe. You’re safe.” Logan.

Yeah, he knew that. He knew, objectively, that the wind isn’t out to get him and grass doesn’t hurt and sand isn’t supposed to fry your nerves. That didn’t change the fact that it did for him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, it connected that they were seeing him have a meltdown, finally. But he couldn’t focus on that, not when someone was touching his arm why are they touching my arm LET GO!

He screamed now, he couldn’t hold it back anymore. His breaths were ragged and gaspy, hands ripping at his hair to try and stop the fluttering strands. Then there was a new sound, an engine, a boat, and with it came the deep bass of some terrible music and there were people shouting and his head was hurting, why was it hurting so bad?! New hands grabbed his wrists and he writhed, pulling back from the grip that was pulling his fists away from where they’d been hitting his skull, over and over, trying to just get his stupid brain to work. Come back to the present, ground yourself, do SOMETHING!

And then something was in his hands.

His eyes peeled open (when had he shut them?) and he saw the dark blue stress ball, almost crushed between his fingers. The hands were gone from his wrist, and he took a deep breath, relaxing his hand and watching the slime filled toy slowly return to its natural shape. It was just like one from his drawer, the first stim toy he’d ever gotten. Familiarity. He kneaded it under his fingers, enjoying the comforting texture, the color soothing to his sensitive eyes. Bit by bit he felt himself relax, still holding the toy inches from his face between stiff hands, letting his legs unfurl. Without thinking, he raised a shaking hand to his chin and did the sign for ‘water’, and immediately regretted it. It was just such a habit around his parents, the only other people who had seen him break down to this extent, how could he be so-

He flinched as a water bottle was pressed into his raised hand, the lid already taken off. The water was so good, settling his senses and grounding him, like he’d been in hyperfocus before and it was dulled now. He gave the stress ball another squeeze, captivated by the way the slime moved, not even flinching as someone snapped in front of him.

Looking up for the first time, his first instinct was to crawl into a hole and die. Logan was sitting in front of him, slowly putting the cap back on his water bottle before handing it back to Patton, who was standing just behind him. Roman and Virgil had begun packing the chairs and bags agonizingly slowly and quietly. Impressive; they were almost done and he hadn’t noticed until now. He turned to his left and his heart completely shattered. Remus was sitting statue still, a few feet away, with a look of pure fear in his eyes. He sat on the edge of his knees, like he wanted to pounce forward and hug him but was holding himself back. He appreciated that.

Logan snapped again and Janus turned back.

‘Better?’ He signed slowly.

‘You know sign?’ Janus responded weakly, confused.

‘Patton too. I go nonverbal as well. Are you okay?’

The younger nodded, returning his hands to the stim toy on his lap. ‘Yours?’

‘Yes.’

“Is he okay?” Remus whispered suddenly, drawing their attention. He looked so scared, like anything could break Janus and he was scared he would cause it. Oh. Did he think he caused this?

‘Not his fault.’

Logan looked between the two, a look of confusion settling in his face. “What?”

‘Not. His. Fault.’ He signed sharply, a frustrated hum emitting from the back of his throat. ‘Not his fault!’

“Remus, he’s saying it’s not your fault. What does that mean?”

“I- I took his hand, and then this happened…” Remus started, leaning back onto his feet ashamedly, “If that wasn’t the cause, what was?”

‘Sand.’

Logan’s eyes filled with understanding, and he responded, ‘Sand?’ as if to double check that he got the right sign. Janus nodded again, slightly thankful for the mute state he was in. He wouldn’t be able to explain this as well as Logan would.

“If I’m understanding right, then my first assumptions were correct. Janus, did you just experience a sensory overload?”

Janus could only nod, meeting his eyes shakily. This is the moment. Now is his segway. If Logan wasn’t already suspicious, he surely was now. And he’d rather not have to explain, or come up with some half assed excuse if he was confronted later on why sinking his foot into sand had made him break.

‘I’m autistic.’ He fingerspelled it, not knowing what the sign was, or if there even was one. There was a beat of silence, the twins and Virgil exchanging puzzled looks, and Janus couldn’t even bear to look at the two people who would have understood. All his fears came rushing back. Would they think he was lying, or seeking attention, or or or-

“Oh, sweetie,” Patton crooned, sitting cross legged beside Logan, “We thought maybe… well, the possibility came up in conversation before. Lo was the one who brought it up.”

“Yes. Though our experiences differ, you seemed to exhibit symptoms that are common to the ASD spectrum. I thought it feasible, but did not wish to offend or frighten you by mentioning it.”

“We thought that if you were autistic, it would be yours to tell us,” Patton smiled softly.

“Wait,” Remus interrupted, “Janus, you have autism?”

Janus’ nervous glance up must have been enough to clue the rest of the group in, because Roman sighed and ducked his head into Virgil’s shoulder while Logan messily signed something which roughly translated to ‘how dense can someone be’. Jan couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not, but he cracked a smile anyways.

“Shit. Dude, I’m so sorry,” Roman murmured into Virgil’s shirt, “All the times I made fun of you for not joining us or anything, that was way out of line. I truly apologize.”

The youngest gave him the worldwide gesture for ‘it’s okay’; not exactly ASL, but it got his point across. Everything was packed up now, and Janus realized the implications.

‘Home?’ He asked Logan, eyebrows scrunched together.

‘Yes. You need to rest.’ He was right, he was exhausted. Getting to his feet along with Patton and Logan, he reached down to grab his towel, only for it to be promptly swooped up by Roman.

“I… I got it. Don’t worry about it. Okay?”

As soon as Roman turned his back, Janus couldn’t help his heavy sigh. This was another reason he had refrained from telling anyone. He didn’t want to be seen as a burden, or worse, a child. He didn’t need help with menial tasks like grabbing a towel. Virgil and him lifted all the belongings again, with less complaining this time, and began the short trek to the truck.

‘He’s not babying you,’ Logan signed, as if reading his mind, ‘He’s just guilty. If you want my advice, get as much out of it as you can.’

“Logan!” Patton chastised, failing miserably at hiding a smirk.

“Guys?” Remus’ uncharacteristically timid voice prompted them to turn back, “Could I talk to Janus for a sec?”

“You understand he is unable to speak at the moment, correct?” Logan raised an eyebrow, probably coming off more harsh than he meant to.

“I know. Just… please?”

The other two shared a knowing look that Janus didn’t understand, before Logan turned to Janus. “Is that okay?”

The youngest nodded, watching over his shoulder as the lovebirds joined hands, leaving him and Remus alone. When he met his eyes again, he was standing much closer, eyes searching nervously.

“Maybe this will actually be easier since you can’t talk,” he laughed, before his face fell dramatically, “Fuck, that’s not what I meant. I’m such an idiot, I didn’t mean-”

Janus held up a hand quickly, as if to say ‘it’s fine, settle down’, holding back a snicker. He’d understand if someone was upset by the comment, but he’d learn to take Remus’ jokes lightly. He never meant to actually offend, sometimes he just… blurted without intending to. He rolled his finger in a ‘keep going’ motion.

“Shit. Okay,” He’d never seen Remus blush, or stumble over his words before. Not like this, at least, “Now, don’t feel obligated to say you feel the same or anything, okay? This is just, my feelings, and mine alone,” A deep breath, “I like you, Snakey. I like you a lot. More than… more than a friend.”

Oh.

Janus was ninety percent sure he died right then and there. But Remus kept going, tripping over his words in a way that was so unlike him, and yet so perfect.

“I have for a while. I never said anything because I thought, maybe you disliked me? After today though, I think… well, maybe I was misinterpreting those signals. Like I misinterpreted today. That you didn’t want to be around me, no matter how hard I tried.”

Okay, Janus took it back. He wanted to be able to talk now, but his voice came out as another low hum, and he slapped his hand over his mouth, embarrassed. Remus pressed on, unfazed.

“Snakey, I swear to you, that you having autism doesn’t change those feelings at all. It’s not a bad thing, or a flaw, it’s just you. And everything about you is amazing, and perfect, and this is just another thing I get to learn about you. Any fears you had around telling us, telling me, you don’t need to have them.”

He’d never felt this kind of feeling before. In that second, he knew for a fact that this wasn’t a crush that he had on Remus. That wasn’t possible, because a crush had never made him want to break his social barriers like this. A crush had never made him want to make an exception, to stand on his tip toes and kiss him, even if the thought of a new touch usually caused goosebumps to rise on his arms. Because he felt so safe, so blissfully numb, so comfortable with Remus, that he’d be willing to give it a try.

This wasn’t a crush. This was-

“I love you,” Remus whispered, his statement accompanied by a large shaky breath.

He couldn’t say it back, not right now. Later, he would. For sure. Maybe a hundred times. So he did what he’d never thought possible and took that step forward, breaking his bubble that he’d always thought to be unbreakable.

It’s okay. You’re okay. This is okay.

For once, he actually believed it.

Janus reached a hand up, slowly, and rested it on Remus’ face. It wasn’t light, he couldn’t do half touches. It was solid, warm, real. Not a tickling touch that made him twitch, or a brush by that stole the very breath from his lungs. The positive response affirmed his will power, and he leaned up onto his tip toes. Remus looked absolutely stunned, but he didn’t pull away, he couldn’t if he tried. His breath caught in his throat as the elder glanced down, an unmistakable look to his lips.

Had Remus always had those green flecks in his eyes?

And he kissed him. Janus surged forward, pressing their lips together harsher than he’s intended, pulling a small gasp out of Remus. There was a whoop from the vague direction of where they’d parked, followed by a loud smack, and Janus couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips.

Remus’ hands were clasped at his chest, unmoving, probably afraid that if he touched Janus wrong, this would all be over. He’d have to explain half touches later. For now, he took one of his hands in his free one and guided it around, pushing it into the small of his back until Remus got the message to keep that pressure. He let out a small sigh through his nose, an action that sent a new round of butterflies exploding in the younger’s stomach.

This is okay.

This is all going to be okay.

#lywrites #sanderssides #sanderssidesfanfiction #demus #prinxiety #logicality #autistic janus #sanders sides college au

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riversofmars · 4 years

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Would you look at that, finally another update! :D Sorry about the delay guys, I'm going through a really stressful time at work at the moment and my mental capacity is a bit more limited than usual lol. But here we are!

Chapter 14: Deceit

“Well done.“ The Emperor slow clapped as he stepped out of the TARDIS and Missy whirled around.

“How did you…“ She didn’t know what to say. She had refused to share her secret, the only secret worth keeping she had, the location of Gallifrey, and it had all been for nothing. Here he was, his heavy boots falling onto the sand.

“Well, I knew I would get my answer either way. I thought you would take the easier way, I really did, I thought you would tell me where it is but this works too.“ He explained, savouring the moment and the expression of devastation on her face. She had failed to stop him from finding their home.

“You put a tracker on me.“ Missy realised.

“I knew eventually you would return to Gallifrey.“ He shrugged.

“Leave. You’re one man. How are you going to take on the Gallifreyan military.“ Missy looked around to the capital in the distance. They would notice their arrival soon enough if they hadn’t already. She could only hope the Council would realise what they were dealing with.

“Don’t underestimate me, so many have.“ The Emperor chuckled. “And I’m not alone, am I.“ Missy’s anxiety increased as she watched River, Rory and Amy step out of the TARDIS behind him.

“Missy, how’s life? How were the last four and a half billion years? You’ll excuse us for taking a short cut.“ River smirked as she looped her arm around her husband’s.

“This is great, nothing but dust and blazing sunlight.“ Amy huffed sarcastically as she looked around, Gallifrey wasn’t exactly the marvellous thing of beauty she had expected.

“Not sure you’ve met my in-laws?“ The Emperor took great pleasure in Missy’s obvious discomfort. “But wait, there is one more.“ He looked around as Clara stepped out of the TARDIS and Missy visibly tensed. She squared her jaw, forcing herself to appear unfazed. “What? No cheerful reunion?“ The Emperor joked as they just looked at each other.

“Here they come.“ Rory interrupted and pointed towards the capital.

“They will kill you.“ Missy said as she looked around to find a ship approaching.

“Let them try.“ The Emperor smirked.

“You’re trespassing, you are not welcome here.“ A metallic voice sounded when the shuttle got close, hovering in front of them.

“Is that really how you welcome home a son of Gallifrey? A war hero?“ The Emperor called back.

“You’re not welcome here, Doctor. You’re not a hero, you’re a war criminal.“ The electronically amplified voice shot back. Missy looked to the Emperor, who didn’t even react to the usage of his old name.

“Who defeated the Daleks and saved Gallifrey? Did you? Did any of you?“ He retorted. “I’m walking into that city, whether you like it or not. Come along.“ He looked to his companions.

“We will open fire.“ The warning came promptly.

“Well go on then!“ The Emperor took a step forward and to Missy’s surprise and horror the patrol followed through without hesitation. They opened fire. Three rounds of heavy artillery. When the dust cleared, the Emperor and his friends stood unscathed and amused, only Missy had cowered down. “You really think I would stand here without ample protection?“ The Emperor called up to the ship. There was no response. Then, suddenly, heavy shells pounded into the ship. The explosions blinded them, the noise was deafening. Missy looked around to see Amy having retrieved a sort of rocket launcher from inside the TARDIS, firing at the shuttle. Within seconds, the ship exploded and debris crashed to the ground. They remained save within the TARDIS’s shield, all Missy could do was look on in horror.

“Told you it was worth bringing the big guns.“ Amy grinned dropping the rocket launcher, it’s shells spent.

“Let’s go before they send reinforcements.“ The Emperor decided. “Come along, Missy.“

“You don’t need me.“ Missy remained rooted to the spot as the others set off.

“I don’t but I want you to see me tear the city apart.“ He retorted.

“Why are you doing this?“ Missy didn’t understand. All this destruction and for what?

“They cast me out. They could have had it all but they were scared. So instead of standing with me, they hid at the end of time like the cowards they are, I’m going to make them pay.“ The Emperor answered as they stopped to wait for her to come along. “You of all people should understand, they left you behind too!“

“I don’t understand you, I never have…“ Missy shook her head. “Why won’t you leave me behind? Or kill me? If this is the end of time, I haven’t got anywhere to go anyway.“ She had had to get away from him. If she wanted any chance of stopping him destroying Gallifrey or indeed surviving herself, she had to get away. He had to have some idea of how he could go about conquering Gallifrey. He couldn’t go into its past like he usually did when destroying a planet and surely he didn’t have the man power to stand against the Gallifreyan military. But the Emperor wouldn’t come here without a plan, would he?

“Oh no, Missy, you’re coming with me. From now on, I wish my enemies long and healthy lives so they can witness my many victories. And this will be the biggest.“ The Emperor grinned. “Gallifrey is the last stand.“ The paused for a moment as something caught his attention and he listened out. “Can you hear that?“ He asked as the distant ringing of bells carried across the plains ahead of them.

“The Cloister Bells.“ Missy realised.

“How’s that significant?“ Amy asked and River answered:

“They toll when disaster is drawing near.“

“It’s not drawing near, it’s here.“ The Emperor smirked.

——

“This is nice, I could see myself living like this.“ River took her time looking around. The grandeur of the place was certainly to her taste.

“What… how…“ The other River stared at her in shock. Was she hallucinating? It was a lot to take in but she realised this had to be possible. There was no reason why there should be a mirror version of her wife and not herself. Apart from the fact that the Doctor had admitted to her wife being dead? She shook her head to clear it, she had to find out what was happening. The Cloister Bells ringing for the first time in years and this River’s appearance couldn’t be a coincidence.

“Oh come on, you’ve met my wife, you know of me.“ River gave a little wave as she circled around the room surveying everything. She took her time too, which made it all the more unnerving.

“How did you get here?“ The Emperor’s wife demanded to know as she regained her composure.

“Same way as my wife?“ River retorted in an off hand sort of way. “Not sure actually. But aren’t you missing the more important question?“ She turned back to her twin and found herself staring down a gun.

“Why are you here?“ The other River demanded to know.

“Oh okay, this is gonna be fun.“ River tilted her head with a sly smile and pulled a gun on her in turn. “How long has it been for you since you shot a gun?“ She asked with a smirk. “Aren’t you getting a bit rusty living in this comfort? Me, I’ve just been chased by deadly shadows only a little while ago, my instincts are as sharp as they come.“ The bells tolled again.

“How come you died then.“ The Emperor’s wife shot back gipping the hilt of her gun more tightly.

“Oh I’m sure you can guess. How do you think you will die?“ River deflected.

“Not here.“ The other River retorted promptly.

“Well, neither one of us has to die, that’s not why I’m here.“ The Doctor’s wife shrugged. “Come on, ask me again.“ She smirked, she was enjoying this more than she probably should.

“Why are you here?“ The Emperor’s wife repeated exasperated. “You could have killed me already, which means you’re here because you want something.“

“I’m here because I agreed to kill you and your wife. You’re not dead because I thought I’d offer you something instead.“ River answered.

“Which is?“ The other River raised her eyebrows surprised. She didn’t, however, lower her gun.

“I don’t trust Clara, I don’t know her, not in my universe or yours.“ River revealed. “You, however, have a very trustworthy face.“ When the other River didn’t react to her joke she carried on to explain: “I listened in on the conversation the three of you were having and, boy, was it informative.“

“You have no idea what…“ The Emperor’s wife tried to interrupt but she wouldn’t let her.

“Shush, I’m talking.“ River shot her down playfully as another bell tolled. “You want to get rid of her. To do that, you need prove she’s plotting against you.“

“We already know she is.“ The other River huffed unimpressed.

“Maybe, but can you prove it? And have you figured out how to overpower her when it comes to it? She won’t go quietly and she does have the Quantum Shade under her control… how will you get to her without getting yourself or other’s killed.“ River asked. “I can help with that and I can get Clara to confess to plotting to kill the Emperor. You can get rid of her at last. Or you can let her carry out her little ploy for which she has enlisted my help and secured the cooperation of my wife. And believe we, we will make sure she succeeds if it’s our best way to get out of here… Or we can work together and we both win. You get rid of Clara and you will have us out of your hair.“

——

“Who’s there?“ Yaz called into the Cloisters convinced there was more than the wraiths moving in the shadows. “Fan out.“ She instructed raising her gun as she slowly moved forward. Her troops of men obeyed, splitting up as they advanced into the Cloisters. “We know you’re down here. Come out come out wherever you are!“ Yaz hummed as the bells rang. The sound was deafening down here.

“They’re blocking the exit…“ Missy observed glancing past the pillar for a moment.

“They don’t belong down here…“ The Doctor mumbled catching a glimpse as well, so far they hadn’t been noticed but they wouldn’t be able to keep hidden for long.

“They must have come because of the bells…“ Missy retorted and the Doctor shook her head.

“That’s not what I mean.“ She replied as she looked again to assess where the different soldiers were headed.

“Oh you mean because…“ Realisation dawned on Missy and the Doctor nodded:

“The wraiths protect the Matrix, the Matrix is Timelord technology, everything else that invades the Cloisters is a foreign body, a virus, and they are the fire wall. They will protect the Cloister. We are Timelords. The guards don’t seem to be.“ The Doctor explained. “We need to draw them further in…“ The soldiers were advancing slowly, spread out evenly. They would spot them soon if they didn’t move.

“They won’t be stupid enough to venture too far, surely…“ Missy couldn’t imagine that they weren’t aware of the risks.

“You know sometimes I have really brilliant ideas…“ The Doctor grinned as she turned her head to look at Missy and feeling slightly better already, Missy asked:

“Yes?“

“This is not one of them.“ The Doctor smiled apologetically and jumped out from behind the pillar. “Over here!“ She called.

“Stop right there!“ Yaz shouted and the Doctor waved her arms catching the attention of the other guards as well. Another bell toll shook them to the bone.

“You have to catch me first!“ She started running, drawing them away from Missy who was watching in horror as the guards chased after her.

The Doctor didn’t keep running for long, she quickly found herself in a corner and face to face with Yasmin Kahn.

“You’re surrounded, Doctor.“ The captain of the guard informed her.

“Hello again, Captain.“ The Doctor looked around. Indeed, she was surrounded by four guards and Yaz who was approaching with a smug smirk on her face as she lowered her gun.

“Surrender now, Doctor.“ She said as she looked her up and down. “No-one is going to fall for that disguise.“ She huffed.

“We will see about that.“ The Doctor retorted with a smile, over Yaz’s shoulder she watched Missy sneak towards the exit. “You really don’t know me every well yet, Yaz, such a shame, otherwise you wouldn’t have made this mistake.“ She focused her attention back on Yaz when she was sure Missy had made it to the door. They were so focused on her that they didn’t even notice Missy or, in fact, how far into the Cloisters they had come and what might be lurking in the shadows.

“What mistake is that.“ The captain huffed slightly amused. She raised her gun again for good measure. “You’re backed into a corner, you’re trapped.“

“There is one thing you never put in a trap.“ The Doctor took a step towards her and away from the shadows. “If you’re smart. If you value your continued existence, if you have any plans of seeing tomorrow, there is one thing you never ever put in a trap.“ She smirked pushing her hands into her pockets. She looked past Yaz to where she knew her eyes needed to be for just a moment longer.

“Yeah? What’s that.“ Yaz asked tilting her head as the bells rang again.

“Me.“ The Doctor answered and pulled her sonic from her pocket. Before anyone could react she pointed it at the ceiling lights and everything went dark. And then, there was movement in the dark, she could feel it, even if she couldn’t see it. The guards could feel it too and opened fire. The Doctor quickly dove for cover as energy blasts flew overhead. With every flash of light, she saw the Weeping Angels had moved, grabbing hold of the soldiers, their weapons. They screamed. The angels were part of the firewall, protecting the Matrix against aliens. It was high time she got out of here before the angels decided she was an intruder as well. The Doctor ducked under the arms of an angel and bolted for the door that Missy was holding open.

——

When there was a knock on her door, Clara was reluctant to open. The tolling of the Cloister Bells put her on edge, like everyone else in the palace presumably. There was no way of knowing whose disaster they were announcing. She was prepared for all sorts when she opened up, but to find River back so soon was what she had least expected.

“That was…“ She looked at her perplexed but River didn’t pay much attention, she just walked past her.

“Quick, I know, surprising what you can accomplish with the right incentive.“ She retorted.

“So it’s…“ Clara closed the door behind her after checking up and down the corridor. No-one had seen her come in.

“Done? Of course it is, I don’t make empty promises.“ River chuckled and Clara was genuinely stunned.

“I’m gonna need some sort of proof.“ She managed to say at last, trying to take in the news.

“How’s this for proof? Bottle of the Emperor’s finest, straight from her drinks cabinet I might add.“ River presented a bottle of champagne that she had been carrying. “How else do you think did I get my hands on that?“

“I could do with a drink…“ Clara took the bottle with shaky hands.

“Then there is this…“ River held out her hand to Clara who took a moment to understand what she was referring to.

“Is that…“ Clara’s eyes fell on the ring River was presenting to her, she hadn’t worn it before.

“Thought I might keep it, as a memento you know… fits perfectly after all.“ River chuckled as she dropped her hand with the wedding ring and made her way to a cabinet to retrieve some champagne flutes. “A toast then?“ She carried the glasses over to Clara as the bells rang again.

“Quite right.“ Clara found herself smiling now as the news sunk in. They’d done it. The worst was over. Everything else was just technicalities. River had kept up her end of the bargain. Clara popped the cork on the bottle with a grin and River laughed as the champagne sprayed before she could get to the glasses with it.

“This is what you’ve wanted all along, isn’t it.“ River said when they had succeeded in filling their glasses.

“It was never what I wanted…“ Clara retorted as she sat down the bottle. “But it’s what she deserved. She should have just chosen me. Why couldn’t she see that we would have been so happy…“ If only for a moment, a wave of sadness swept over her. “I can’t believe she’s dead.“ She mumbled and took a sip of the champagne in an attempt to calm herself.

“Are you regretting it?“ River asked tilting her head.

“No.“ Clara said after a moment of brief consideration as she sorted through her emotions. She looked back up to River and smiled. “I actually feel so… relieved. It’s like a spell is finally lifting. I should have done this so long ago.“ She raised her glass to a toast. “To new beginnings.“ She grinned and River toasted her.

“So what happens now?“ River asked as she watched Clara drink.

“Now we…“ Clara started to answer when suddenly, a wave of sickness came over her. She steadied herself against the table. “Now we…“ She tried again but broke off when she started feeling dizzy. She looked to River and realised her mistake as she watched her tipping out her own glass. She hadn’t taken as much as a sip. This time, the tolling of the bells sounded like a rousing chorus as Clara’s senses slipped out of her control.

“Now you’re going to pay for your deceit, Clara dear.“ River smirked and Clara collapsed.

——

“River?“ The Emperor called out as she returned to her quarters. She was on edge. Although it was the middle of the night, the whole palace was awake. The ringing of the Cloister Bells kept them up and shook the foundations of her reign. Questions where being shot at her from every direction, even on her way back to her quarters. The bells had been quiet for so long, everyone knew something was happening and the Emperor didn’t have any answer yet. She had to find out what was going on but no reports had come in so far. All she could do was wait. “River?“ She repeated when she didn’t get an response. As the bells tolled again in the distance, she felt a wave of worry. She shouldn’t have left River here by herself. Quickly she walked into the adjoining room and called for her again. The wheezing and groaning of the TARDIS sounded, drawing her attention. “River, what are you…“ The Emperor pulled the box’s door open and to find River fiddling with the console.

“Oh, welcome home, Sweetie.“ River looked around with a smile.

“What…“ The Emperor hoovered in the doorway, something was off, why was River in here and what was she doing? The TARDIS hummed in response to her unspoken question.

“Now, now, that’s not fair, telling on me.“ River sighed shooting a look at the large crystal in the centre. The Emperor pulled a knife from her belt.

“What is going on here?“ She growled. The TARDIS was right, this was not her wife.

“That’s disappointing, I was so curious to find out if I could fool her but you just had to ruin the fun, didn’t you.“ She shook her head at the TARDIS which responded with a threatening buzz, very unlike the TARDIS River knew.

“Where is my wife? How did you get in here?“ The Emperor demanded to know and took a threatening step towards her. The resemblance was remarkable, down to the same dress her wife had worn when she had left her here not long ago. One thing was missing though, that gave her away straight away: her wedding ring. The Emperor tried her best to prioritise her thoughts. This was the Doctor’s wife, she had to be. While part of her was intrigued, curious as to how she had got here and wondering, how she could use her, the other part was overcome by deep worry for the wellbeing of her River.

“Don’t worry, your wife is fine, just off to have a little chat with Clara.“ River gave a wave of her hand as she stepped closer. She also marvelled at the resemblance between the Emperor and her own wife. She eyed the knife in her hand with curiosity. The Doctor hated the use of weapons.

“Why would she be doing that?“ The Emperor shot back.

“Because I suggested it? Because the other option would have been me killing her and none of us want that, do we.“

“You? Kill her? Oh, darling, if you’re anything like that pathetic excuse of a wife of yours, I would love to see you try.“ The Emperor huffed condescendingly.

“I like your fire.“ River smirked, she couldn’t deny that the assertiveness and confidence was quite attractive on her but it wouldn’t distract her from why she was here. “You haven’t got the first idea what I’m capable of. Or my wife for that matter. But I have a feeling you will find out soon enough.“ In the distance, the Cloister Bells tolled again.

“What is going on here? What are you planning?“ The Emperor shot back.

“Well, I did tell Clara I’d kill you but then I thought better of it, don’t really want to be picking sides in your game of thrones.“ River answered. “Now, really, I’m just waiting to see what my dear wife has come up with.“

“She’s on her way here for you, isn’t she?“ The Emperor concluded.

“Perhaps.“ River shrugged. “I don’t actually know. It’s all terribly exciting, isn’t it.“ She grinned. “Now I think I best get going.“

“You really think you can walk out of here? I bet the Doctor would move heaven and hearth to keep you safe, seeing as she let you die once already. Perhaps she can finally be persuaded to share her secrets if your life is on the line. So really, it’s terribly thoughtful of you to pop in.“ The Emperor smirked. This River was the leverage over the Doctor she had been missing. And she had walked right into her arms. No matter how confidently she acted, they both knew there was only one way out of the TARDIS and that was through the Emperor.

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danielslilangel · 5 years

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In the Middle is How I Like It pt. 1

Part One Part Two Part Three

I had been working on solo ship smut pieces but I read a fic the other day involving Jason and Tim being together because of Marinette (I can’t remember who wrote it or where I found it so if I remember I will give credit to the writer!) Anyway, that story sparked an idea for a Jay/Mari/Tim fic. Yes, they’re brothers on paper but i liked how her story kind of ignored that so I’m gonna just do the same XD Not sure how long it’ll end up being but i have a few scenes planned. This is just the opening scene so nothing Mature here... but be warned, there will be Mature/Explicit content in future updates. I’m not a fan of trying to format things on AO3 but eventually it will get put on there. Enjoy?

Marinette giggled at the latest thing the man to her left was saying before taking another pink Princess shot off the bar top and downing it. As soon as she put the empty glass back where it came from, the man on her right captured her attention once more with a compelling story on why he had come to Paris in the first place.

It had been a rough day in the office as she sorted through the newest flood of commissions that had dropped in her inbox after the latest article on MCD was published in an American magazine and she really wasn’t complaining about the amount of work she had to do over the next few months- really, she loved the ideas her clients supplied her with and couldn’t wait to get started on all of them, but a girl could love her job and was still entitled to a few drinks to help take the edge off of all the expectations being placed upon her.

It hadn’t taken long for Marinette to garner a lot of attention after arriving alone at the bar tonight. She had turned every single one of them away, nicely, of course, but there was just something about the latest two men who had approached her that had the black haired beauty allowing them to take a seat on either side of her and buy her a few shots.

It was pretty obvious from the glares they threw towards each other that the men knew one another somehow and their strange dynamic was part of the reason why Marinette was so interested in them. The other part of her intrigue stemmed from something much more basic… they were both fucking hot!

Timothy Drake had introduced himself first after ordering three shots of vodka that he promptly dumped into his thermos of what smelled like exceptionally strong coffee. He wasn’t tall by usual standards, but Marinette was short so she considered everyone tall by default. His dark hair and blue eyes drew her in and she had been unable to resist smiling up at him as he asked “is this seat taken?” He was apparently a CEO of a large American business which fascinated Marinette as he couldn’t have been more than twenty-three. When she said as much he laughed and told her that her skills of deduction were spot on and that he was indeed a young business man her age, but he had help getting the job as it was his father’s company he ran.

“Not that I don’t absolutely deserve the position. I worked hard to convince him to give me a chance. I have quite a few degrees and have helped the company grow exponentially since I took over for Dad.” His voice wasn��t smug or boastful at all as he told her about himself and it was quite refreshing for Mari. She was used to the air of diva that often surrounded those with wealthy parents. After all, she had gone to school with Chloe Bourgeois all those years.

Jason Todd had arrived about ten minutes after Tim and had captured Marinette’s attention as well, though he was almost as opposite from the other man as one could be. Tall and muscular with toxic green eyes that seemed to glow in the bar’s dim lighting and a rebellious white streak running through his black hair- everything about Jason screamed bad boy while everything about Tim screamed unknowingly-attractive nerd. Jason was unapologetically loud as he chucked his motorcycle helmet onto the wooden bar and ordered a Jack and Coke. His eyes surveyed the room in a practiced way that told Marinette he was accustomed to trouble before his gaze landed on her. His broody scowl instantly evaporated and a brilliant smile lit up his face as he plopped down on the stool next to the small Asian girl. She had expected a cheesy pickup line out of someone who looked and acted like him, but Jason surprised her by asking her name and what brought her to the bar tonight. Their conversation flowed with ease and she couldn’t help but laugh at the jokes he told.

As compelling as he was, she couldn’t forget about the man to her left and after enjoying some time getting to know Jason, Marinette leaned backwards to introduce the two men to one another. She quickly realized how unnecessary that was as they greeted one another briskly.

“Jay.”

“Timmy.”

She had been quickly caught up in a game of 'capture the girl's attention' and had been unable to figure out their connection to one another, but Marinette felt a growing suspicion in the back of her mind that seemed to be getting closer to confirmation as the two kept up their own conversations with her.

“Mhmm,” she nodded and agreed with whatever Jason had last said as she pulled out some bills from her handbag and placed them on the bar as payment for her drinks. She took a final sip of her pink lemonade martini and leaned back in the stool before pointing a manicured finger in the direction of both men. “So… you two know each other, right?”

The pair sighed in surround sound before answering “yes” in dulled unison.

“Right. So, have you guys ever…” she trailed off with a smirk on her face, her hands gesturing in a way that left no need to imagine what she was asking them about. “Cause I’m sensing some serious pent up energy here.”

Jason choked on his drink and nearly spit it out while Tim took a moment to chug the rest of his.

“Never,” they answered in unison again and it only made Mari's smile grow more feral as she hopped off the barstool, heels clicking against the tile, and straightened out her mini skirt.

“I guess that means the two of you would be opposed to joining me at my place tonight?” Her voice was nothing but soft and sweet even as her eyes drank in every inch of the men who were both stunned into silence and left blushing as she pulled out a single scrap of paper from her bag and jotted down her address before placing it upon the stool where she had sat. “When the two of you manage to pick your jaws up off of the floor, I hope you also manage to make your way here this evening. Au revoir.” She winked and waved at them before strutting out of the bar and to hail a cab to take her back to her loft.

I cannot believe I just invited both of them back to my place, she thought as the cold Parisian air nipped at her face, sobering her up just enough to process what she had actually just done. Oh God…

She was pulled out of her mental spiraling before it could begin by a large hand reaching around her to open the cab's door as it pulled up alongside the curve. She arched an eyebrow and cocked her head to the side, genuinely surprised to see that Jason was to her right again. She was even more surprised to notice that Tim had appeared on her left. Neither men said a word or made eye contact as the three of them slid onto the back seat with Mari in the middle. In fact, the- thankfully- short and silent car ride was only interrupted by Marinette giving directions to the driver before settling back against the warm leather. She hadn’t exactly thought out her plan of asking them both back to her home and she still wasn’t really sure what was going to happen, but she felt the alcohol strengthening her resolve and she was not about to turn an opportunity like this down. Both men took up a lot of space so Marinette was quite smushed between them and could feel their warmth radiating throughout the tiny space and the close proximity made it hard to think about anything else but being between them.

“Merci.” She thanked the driver and passed over the payment for the ride before sliding out of the car after Tim who had reached a hand in to help her with her exit. She made it a few steps towards her door before looking back behind her and noticing the men standing still awkwardly alongside the road.

“You boys coming or will I have to do that alone tonight?”

More pink rose to the cheeks before they lurched forward in sync, following after the her like a pair of puppies.

#miraculust #miracusin #maribat #marinette dupein cheng #marinette x tim drake x jason todd #my writing #miraculous ladybug #Smut

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nctxnation · 5 years

Text

Heart of Gold

➳ Pairing: Jaemin x Female Reader

➳ Genre: Fluff | Hogwarts AU

➳ Word Count: 6.9k

➳ “The only thing I want is to be with you.” -- La La Love, NCT Dream

“Remind me why I’m here again?” You asked, pulling your beanie down to avoid the harsh pelting rain. “I can’t even see anything!”

“We’re here to scope out the cute players!” Your friend Anna wiggled her eyebrows playfully, her eyes fully trained on the clashing mess of red and blue in front of you.

“There are none,” You grumbled, twisting your blue and silver scarf tighter around your neck to block out the arctic winds.

“Your boyfriend certainly looks good in his uniform,” She tossed you a wink, pointing at Na Jaemin who was whizzing around with a Quaffle firmly secured in his arms.

“You can barely even see him through this damn storm!” The rain was coming down hard and fast, making it difficult for anyone to see through its haze.

“So, you admit he’s your boyfriend.” “Please stop,” You rubbed circles over your temples as a means to qualm whatever headache would surely come with your friends’ constant teasing. “I don’t even like him.”

“He likes you.”

“He likes to make my life miserable,” You grumbled, plopping down on the wooden benches.

Anna was completely engrossed in the game, cheering loudly with the crowd. Your eyes wandered to Jaemin who was gliding through the air like a falcon, effortlessly dodging bludgers. The Gryffindor crowd began buzzing with electricity as he whizzed by. He pulled back his arm and aimed the Quaffle straight into the Ravenclaw goalpost. The Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs madly cried out in happiness, while the Ravenclaws and Slytherins sunk down.

The game wasn’t finished yet, although Star Player Na Jaemin was certainly making it hard for Ravenclaw to beat out Gryffindor. The Snitch hadn’t been caught yet and the anticipation in the crowd grew.

“When is it going to end?” You groaned wanting nothing more than to curl up by the fire with a warm mug of hot chocolate, pumpkin pasties, and a good book.

“Almost,” Anna breathed out, her voice clearly strained from her incessant screaming. “Look, the Snitch! Oh my God Mark is gonna catch it!”

Mark Lee, Gryffindor’s seeker was blowing through the rain like a bulldozer. Huang Renjun, Ravenclaw’s seeker, was hot on his heels, tailing after him with great speed and a glimmer of determination in his eyes.

“I can’t watch!” Anna ducked down, knocking you over slightly as she tried to hide behind your shoulder. “Did they catch it? Did we win? Did we lose?”

“I can’t see anything,” You tried to see over the shoulders of the rest of your Ravenclaw classmates, but it was too hard.

For one, Anna was weighing you down with her death grip on your arm. Two, everyone was starting to stand up on the bench to get a better view. It wasn’t until you heard a collective groan from Ravenclaw house and raucous screeching from Gryffindor did you realize the finalized score.

“Gryffindor wins! Mark Lee has caught the snitch!” Lee Donghyuck bellowed into the microphone. “That’s my best friend everyone!”

“Well, damn,” Anna muttered pulling you up, as everyone began to shuffle off the stands. “Do you think your boyfriend will invite us to the after party?”

“One, he’s not my boyfriend,” You insisted for the millionth time, as you looped your arm around hers and ambled down the steps, “Two, Ravenclaw just lost their chance at the Hogwarts Quidditch Cup, this is no time for celebration.”

“But we’re not even big sports fans,” Anna pouted, wobbling as she struggled not to slip on the wet grass.

“It doesn’t matter,” You told her, grasping her tightly as the crowd began to push you around to get closer to congratulate the Gryffindor team. “We stand in solidarity with our house.”

“I was really hoping you’d come to the after party, I guess that’s out of the question.”

You felt your insides coil at the sound of the familiar voice. Na Jaemin was grinning down at you and Slytherin Lee Jeno steadily at his side, smirking devilishly. The rain was slowly turning into a drizzle, allowing you to get a better glimpse at the Gryffindor Chaser. His brown hair was matted, clinging onto his forehead and his face was covered in a sheen of sweat that gave him an angelic glow. He wore a shy grin, but looks could be deceiving.

“I wished you’d come,” He smiled down at you. “I’d really need a Ravenclaw to rub my victory in their face and you seem like the perfect candidate.”

“I think the party would be a lot more interesting if you’d join us,” Jeno’s eye smiles were not going to budge you from firmly saying no, although Anna seemed bewitched by his charms.

“Are these boys bothering you two?” Huang Renjun was ready to fight. Although smaller than the pair, he looked like he could still take them on. “You won the game, just leave us alone.”

You were surprised by Renjun’s actions. You weren’t necessarily friends with him, you shared the same classes and on occasion came across each other in the common room, but you two were nothing more than acquaintances. Last time you checked, he was good friends with them.

“Aw, c’mon Injunnie, don’t be like that,” Jaemin tried to pull Renjun into a hug, but the smaller boy quickly skirted out of his reaching hands. “You don’t have to take every game so personal.”

“Jaemin, you forget he’s annoyingly competitive,” Jeno said as the Ravenclaw boy hissed in irritation. “Renjun this wasn’t the Quidditch World Cup, Mark just got to the snitch faster.”

“I almost had it!” Renjun cried out, flailing his arms.

“Sure you did!” You can hear Mark Lee shouting back from somewhere in the crowd.

“Whatever,” Jaemin waved it off, his eyes focused solely on you, “I’m serious, come to the party,” His eyes moved to Anna, as he instructed her, “Bring her there. Renjun’s going to be there, so screw Ravenclaw solidarity.”

“I am not!” Renjun snapped as Jeno tugged him away.

With a flounce of scarlet robes and a playful wink, Na Jaemin shuffled through the crowd, smiling brightly at the girls fawning over him.

“We’re so going to that party!” Anna squealed as you began your trek toward the castle.

“We are not,” You really were going to suffer from serious migraines due to both Anna and Jaemin. “He just wants someone to entertain him and I won’t be the subject of ridicule at that stupid Gryffindor party.”

“Aw, you’re such a party pooper.”

It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy celebrating with fellow classmates, but last time you went to a Gryffindor party Jaemin had successfully embarrassed you in front of Hendery, the shy Ravenclaw who had stolen your heart.

You weren’t going to give him the chance to do anything like that again.

“I can’t believe you actually managed to blackmail me to be here.”

“It was so easy!” Anna didn’t look guilty, not even for your sake. “Look, if Jaemin tries anything, I’ll hex him. Just relax and have some fun. It beats staying behind and reading a book.”

“Are you even a Ravenclaw?” You asked as you climbed through the portrait hole, the Fat Lady telling you to have fun.

“Stop sticking to stereotypes,” She poked her tongue out and then grinned mischievously, “Who knows, Hendery might even be here. If he is, please keep me updated on this love triangle between you, Hendery, and Jaemin.”

“There’s no love triangle,” You pressed, “I have no feelings for that jerk Jaemin.”

“Sure, sure.” She seemed thoroughly unconvinced and you were tired of trying to convince her you were saying nothing but the truth. “I’ll be back, I’m going to get us some drinks.

The party was in full swing, there was Gryffindors raging over their victory. Jaemin’s words rang true, Renjun was hovering around the multitude with a fresh smile, his loss forgotten. So much for Ravenclaw pride. You walked over to the edge of the party, waiting patiently for Anna to come back with butterbeers.

“I knew you’d come!”

Lo and behold, the bane of your existence. Jaemin was alone as he approached you with a spring in his step. His golden brown hair was a disarray of soft waves that glowed under the candlelight. His eyes were warm and inviting, which sent warning bells in your head and raised the hairs behind your neck.

“I came against my will,” You replied indifferently, focusing on a speck on the wall across from you.

“I didn’t force you,” He frowned, “I hope you didn’t take it that way.”

“Anna took your words very seriously.”

“Do you want a drink?” Jaemin asked, trying his best to peek his way into your line of vision. Your eyes went straight to the floor, trying your best to look unapproachable.

“No, that’s fine,” You told him, “Anna’s gone to get us some butterbeer. I should probably go find her, she’s been gone for a while.”

“Wait, Y/N,” Jaemin stopped you mid step, his warm breath fanned over your face as he spoke, “You’re not mad that we won, right? I mean, Ravenclaw solidarity, seriously? You were joking right?”

You pulled your arm out of his grasp, “I’m not big on house pride, Jaemin. I just don’t want to be here, I think I’m starting to catch a cold, so don’t take my indifference too personal.”

“Do you want me to walk you back to Ravenclaw Tower?” He immediately grabbed your arm and began weaving you through the crowd, “I’ll make sure Jeno keeps Anna company.”

“It’s nothing serious!” You protested, halting your steps. “Plus, I’d rather not have you walk me straight into one of your pranks.”

“Is that the main reason you’re acting like I have Spattergroit?” Jaemin quirked an eyebrow at you. “So, this isn’t about you feeling ill, it’s about you thinking I’m going to pull a prank on you.”

“I wasn’t lying about feeling sick,” You defended sharply, “I was out in the rain without proper clothing for the rain. But yeah, your pranks have left traumatic scars on me. Can’t say I trust you walking me back to my dorm.”

“Well, I’m sorry you feel that way,” It truly hurt you to admit he sounded sincere about his words. “I promise, you can trust me now. I’ve changed.”

“Since when?”

“Since, I realized we’ll be Seventh Years soon and we don’t have a lot of time to actually be friends.”

“You want to be friends?” This was news to you, you were used to being at the receiving end of his teasing and pranks, friendship was far from your mind. Civility, at most.

“Of course!” He beamed down at you. Jaemin wanted to be more than friends, but he’s never been too good at expressing his feelings. “So, how about that walk to Ravenclaw Tower?”

“But you’ll miss your party,” You noted, glancing around the room at the vivacious Hogwarts students flailing about. “You’re the Star Player.”

“The whole team is,” He told you, a tone of honesty and admiration in his voice, “There isn’t one singular player that is special, the whole team is. We work together to achieve our goal. Plus Mark was the one that ended the game. If anything, he’d be the one to be missed.”

Jaemin really seemed to shine, when he spoke about his teammates. There was so much conviction in his voice, so much love. It really had you seeing a different light to him. Tonight, was seriously adding to the list of headache-inducing moments. He was the boy who pulled your pigtails, not the one who made your heart grow warm in appreciation.

Before Jaemin could continue his tangent, a huddle of Gryffindors swooped in to congratulate him. He gave you a look to stay still, while he abated the swarm around him. Without his notice, you ducked away from the group.

You were serious about catching a cold. Your sinuses were starting to feel congested and your body heat felt like it was rising. Anna would understand if you left. You didn’t want to spoil her fun, by telling her knowing she’d go after you to play the role of a nurse.

You slipped out of the portrait hole and made your journey to Ravenclaw Tower. The dim moonlight pooled through the windows, spilling into the empty halls. The castle was eerie at this time, which had you hastily rushing through the darkness. In your haste, you nearly knocked down a display of a knight’s armor.

“Who’s there?”

Oh, no. Whoever was there will find you and give you detention. Not only that, but he’d have you squealing about the raging party happening in the Gryffindor common room. You didn’t have it in you to lie to your superiors. You were weak and natural selection would surely whipe you out.

“I said, who’s there?”

You sped up, trying your best to make it the nearest broom closet or alcove you could hide in. It was no use, as a toned body crashed into you.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” You spluttered apologies as the dark-haired boy groaned, “Are you a prefect? Oh my God. Oh my God.”

“Head Boy, actually,” Your eyes widened as Hendery’s gentle face came under the stream of moonlight, “Please don’t freak out, even more. You look like your going to pass out. I’m not that scary, am I?”

“N-no,” You heart felt like it lodged in your throat. “I was just getting a midnight snack.”

“Wearing that?” He nodded towards the outfit Anna had chosen for you, clearly not proper sleepwear attire. He reached a hand out to help you up. “I know there’s a Gryffindor party happening, just because I’m Head Boy doesn’t mean I’m suddenly immune to the knowledge of parties.”

“Are you going to dock me points?” You felt your insides freeze. You had never been in this situation before.

“Technically, I should,” He admitted, “It’d be righteous of me to do so, but I think Ravenclaw house has suffered enough tonight for me to go about taking their chances from winning the House Cup too. You know, Ravenclaw pride and all.”

“Right, thank you, Hendery,” You forced your lips to smile, your heart was pounding and your face was flushed.

“No problem, Y/N,” He smiled warmly down at you. He rubbed his hands sheepishly, “It’s dark out and there’s all sorts of ghouls crawling around the castle, let me walk you back to the Tower.”

“Don’t you have rounds to finish?”

“Everyone’s probably at the party,” He shrugged, “Cassie, the Head Girl’s there. It’s Saturday night and I’m absolutely dead tired, I was heading to the dorms anyway. It’s been a while since we had a proper conversation.”

He led the way to Ravenclaw Tower, hair shining like polished ebony under the moonlight and a gentle smile on his lips. Wong Kunhang, or Hendery as he was more commonly referred to, was the one boy in the whole castle who melted you. He was sweet, sensible, and intelligent. Your crush developed in First Year when he helped you solve the riddle to enter the Ravenclaw common room. You’d see him around the common room or the library, sometimes he’d smile at you in the Great Hall.

It wasn’t until Fourth Year when you two were in the common room, unbeknownst to the both of you, reading the same book. You spent hours pouring over it, talking animatedly over every single part of it. Then last year, you were left embarrassed after Jaemin pranked you in front of him.

You two reached the Tower and quickly answered the riddle, he hovered next to you as you walked towards the hallway that led to the girls’ dormitories. With a flourish of his wand, he put out the fireplace and lit the room with a spell.

“Goodnight Y/N,” He hesitated for a moment, but then swiftly dropped a chaste kiss on your cheek.

You felt your cheek tingle from the touch of his lips. You waited until he was gone, swallowed by the shadows of the boys’ dorm hallway, then you hollered in joy.

Maybe going to the Gryffindor party hadn’t been such a bad thing.

“Pssst...Y/N.”

Something soft collided onto your shoulder, you ignored it, continuing with your notes. Jaemin sat behind you in Charms, he typically made it his duty to throw pieces of parchment at your hair every day.

The professor signalled the end of class and you gathered your supplies and headed towards the Great Hall where Anna would be waiting. A familiar smell assaulted your senses and you glanced up to see Jaemin falling into step with you.

“You left the party early,” He acknowledged, deflecting the gawking stares of passerbyers with a grimace. Of course, people would find it weird to see you two walking together. “I tried finding you yesterday, but I couldn’t find you.”

“I was pigeonholed in my common room finishing an essay.” Well, technically, you were mostly daydreaming about the school’s Head Boy.

“I wanted to apologize for not walking you back to your dorm.”

“It’s not your fault,” You said, entering the noisiness that was the Great Hall. “I made it back.”

“Yeah, but it was dark and late and I left you to fend off the professors and prefects just waiting to give you detention.”

“I’m old enough to walk myself to my room, Jaemin,” You deadpanned hollowly, “But if it makes you feel better, Hendery walked me back.”

“Hendery? The Head Boy?”

“Yes,” You stated, your eyes involuntarily searched for the dark-haired boy amongst the sea of Ravenclaws, “He found me and didn’t give me detention.”

“That’s surprising,” Jaemin chuckled, “He such a stick in the mud, I’m surprised he didn’t give you detention for weeks and docked hundreds of points. He’s quite boring sometimes, takes being Head Boy way too seriously.”

“He’s just doing his job,” You justified, sighing as a calm washed over you when Hendery’s eyes met yours and he gave you a soft smile, “He can be exciting. He’s just being responsible, you’re just too reckless.”

Jaemin noticed the softness from your face and the glazed look in your eyes, with a disgruntled groan.

“Oh, gross,” He spluttered, wrinkling his nose and pretending to retch, “Don’t tell me you like Mr. Monotone. Do you have no taste in guys?”

“W-who said I like him?”

“Oh my God, you do!”

Jaemin felt his heart clenched painfully, he pressed his hand over it and groaned in disgust again. Had he been going about it the wrong way all these years? Did you not find his jokes and pranks exciting? His teasing always got a reaction out of you, which he loved. You two bantered, it was your thing and he always felt excited about it. It was your way of flirting with each other, or so he had thought.

Should he have been reading an encyclopedia with you in the library instead? Told you about the history of Goblins rights? He never considered you falling into the stereotypical Ravenclaw category.

“How typical of you,” He blurted out, wincing as your eyes narrowed.

“What do you mean?” Your voice was icy and he was already floundering.

“You fell for the stereotypical Ravenclaw,” Jaemin said, his fists clenched at his sides as he spoke, “I just never pegged you for one to uphold stereotypes.”

Your rolled your eyes, you wanted nothing more than to be enjoying a nice meal instead of talking to Na Jaemin. “I’m sorry if I’m not the least bit exciting and reaching the level of spontaneity your Gryffindor self wants. I guess I’m just a Ravenclaw who admires Ravenclaw qualities.”

He tilted his head to the side, eyeing you curiously, “Wouldn’t you rather like someone more interesting?”

“Ravenclaws are interesting!” You exclaimed, your face flushed with a new wave of chagrin, “If you think your so superior just because you’re a Gryffindor than why are you still talking to me?”

“That’s not what I meant--”

“Jaemin, I am not in the mood to hear your stupid blabbering,” You pinched the bridge of your nose, your mind was already wandering to how tasty the pumpkin soup looked. “I don’t go around judging the type of girls you like, so please just stop before I do something drastic.”

“Yeah, but that’s because you’d really like the type of girls I like,” He smirked devilishly, winking ever so charmingly your way.

You scoffed, slinging your book bag closer to your body and already strolling off to the Ravenclaw table, “I doubt it. I’m leaving, Nana.”

You smiled to yourself, knowing it probably irritated him that you were calling him such a personal name only reserved for those close to him. Unbeknownst to you, Jaemin wore a bright grin as he heard you say his special nickname.

“It’s kind of hard to not like you,” He whispered as he saw you plopped down at the Ravenclaw table and immerse yourself in conversation with your friends.

Hogsmeade weekend had finally rolled around and everyone was scrambling out of the castle. You trudged through the icy planes of Hogsmeade arm and arm with Anna. The village was covered in a thick blanket of snow, arctic winds nipped at everyone’s cheeks making them resemble rosebuds.

“I told Wendy and Seulgi we’d meet them at the Three Broomsticks,” Anna told you as you passed by a group of third year boys salivating over the newest broom displayed at Spintwitches Sporting Needs. “I could really go for some warm butterbeer right now.”

You nodded in agreement and hurried your pace, hoping to get out of the cold quickly. The Three Broomsticks was bustling with sprightly Hogwarts student chatting around the room. You quickly spotted your roommates and the pair of you headed towards them with bags of Honeydukes candy ready to be eaten.

“We got some candy!” Anna trilled, piling some Sugar Quills and Chocolate Frogs onto the table. “Sorry we took so long, Y/N wanted to pass by Scrivenshaft's to get a new quill.”

“We ordered some butterbeer,” Wendy plucked a sweet from the pile and glanced at you with a smirk that nearly rivalled Na Jaemin’s. “Guess who’s sitting all by himself reading a book in the corner?”

Your eyes flickered to the corner of the pub where Hendery sat wearing a snug thick woollen sweater and sipping his butterbeer. He looked so soft and endearing sitting there with a snowy window in the background and the candlelight setting his skin aglow.

“His friends went to get some Honeydukes candy and he’s reserving their table I think,” Wendy gossiped, wagging her eyebrows at you. “Someone should go talk to him.”

“Yes!” Anna clapped her hands delighted at the suggestion. She shoved a blue Sugar Quill into your palm and nudged you out of the booth, “Go thank him properly for walking you from the party.”

“But--”

“No buts missy,” Seulgi interjected pulling you forcefully out of your seat and shoving you towards Hendery’s general direction. “Go talk to him or no candy and butterbeer for you.”

You wanted to argue that you had bought a good amount of the sweets they were gobbling up, but reluctantly began walking towards the Ravenclaw boy with the soft smile and gentle eyes. With your heart pounding, palms moistening, and eyes completely set on Henderey, you didn’t notice the raucous table of boys next to the demure boy.

Jeno elbowed Jaemin who was currently laughing at Mark who was ready to fight Haechan over a bet. Jaemin suddenly went rigid as you came into view, nervous and rosy-cheeked and looking as pretty as the first day Na Jaemin laid eyes on you.

Jaemin’s heart clenched as he noticed you weren’t walking towards his table, but the one one beside his where the Head Boy sat.

“Hi,” You whispered, not trusting your voice enough to come out smoothly if you spoke any louder.

Hendery dog-eared the page and cast a brilliant smile your way, “Y/N, hi. Are you here by yourself?” He started looking around in search of your friends.

“No, I’m with my roommates but I noticed you were by yourself and wanted to say hi.”

“Oh,” He nodded motioning for you to take a seat in front of him, “Yeah some of my friend’s went to go get sweets. I think Yangyang went to Zonko’s. I decided to stay behind, as Head Boy I shouldn’t be aware of the mischief he gets up to.”

“I brought you this,” You thrust the Sugar Quill towards him and he took it with a laugh that melts your heart. “It’s my way of properly thanking you for not docking me points and walking me to my dorm that night.”

“You’ve thank me plenty,” He insisted, “But I’ll accept this because blueberry Sugar Quills are my favorite.”

You made a mental note of that new tidbit of information. He suckled the Sugar Quill and you tried your best not to gawk at him, since he looked adorable. You were about to point out the book he was reading when a loud noise interrupted you.

“Ahem.” Na Jaemin was wearing his irritatingly large, face-splitting grin as he stared down at the two of you. “Hendery, Y/N. Fancy seeing you here.”

“It’s a public place,” You smiled tightly, as Jaemin nudged his way into the booth, sitting right beside you. His thigh brushing yours, sending a crackle of electricity through your body. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s a public place,” He threw your words back at you, winking as he did so before focusing back on Hendery, “Actually, I came to talk to Hendery. I had some concerns I wanted to discuss with him.”

“It’s Hogsmeade weekend, he doesn’t have time to discuss the lack of females that are at your disposal because you’ve dated all of them!”

“Sounds like your jealous,” He pinched your cheek and you swatted him away.

Hendery giggled, shoving the Sugar Quill to one side of his cheek, puffing it up cutely, “Actually, Y/N I’m always open to hear student’s concerns.”

“Of course you are,” Jaemin grumbled and you shot him a glare, “Before anything, I want to thank you for walking my dear friend Y/N back to her dorm.”

“Oh my God,” You murmured under your breath knowing this wasn’t going to go well for you.

“You see, Y/N, was very thankful you were the one to walk her back,” Jaemin said, nudging you slightly, “She has a very soft spot for you, if you haven’t noticed. She’s a bit shy so I brought upon myself to thank you for her.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” Hendery’s eyes flickered to you and your face flamed up. “But she’s thanked me plenty.”

You stared silently back at Hendery, feeling the warmth of his gaze wash over you making you tingle. An arm brushed over you and the smell of spearmint wafted over you. Jaemin groaned, squeezing himself closer to you.

“Oh, gross, please get a broom cupboard,” Jaemin hissed, pulling you out of your daze. “Oh, wait, I think you guys already have, isn’t that what you were hinting at?”

“What?” Hendery looked taken aback, but not angry at the accusation.

You wish you could be so calm about things too, “Maybe that’s how you and your girls choose to thank each other but we’re not you.”

“Oh, I was just kidding,” He chuckled and Hendery eased up. “Don’t you wish you would have thanked each other that way? I especially know you would have, Y/N.”

You wanted to wipe that smile off his face with your fist, but instead you got up and addressed Hendery, “I have to go. Thank you again, Hendery.”

“Anytime.” Hendery looked frazzled and was blushing a deep shade of pink over Jaemin’s words.

“Yeah, thanks Head Boy,” Jaemin said, shooting out of his seat.

“What about your concerns?”

“I’ll owl them to you, don’t worry.” The Gryffindor yelled back and he caught up with you.

“You’re unbelievable.” You shoved past him, fuming and barreling through the crowd of Hogwarts students that had begun to trickle in.

“Me? Says the one who’s following someone around like a lost puppy,” Jaemin sped in front of you blocking you from making your way to your friends. “It’s sickening. I'm just trying to stop you from further embarrassing yourself.”

“How kind of you.” You really out to punch that smug look off his face. “You saved me from embarrassing myself, by doing it yourself.”

“I’ve been told I have a heart of gold.”

“Hmm,” Your face scrunched up in annoyance. “Look, Jaemin, I don’t know what your problem is with me, but can you please just stop.”

“W-what…” His faltered and you nearly felt bad. Nearly.

“Seriously, why do you make it your life’s duty to annoy me every damn second!” You were really getting heated now, which made you unaware that you were drawing the attention of everyone.

“I...I don’t...”

“You are always trying to rile me up or mess up something,” You snapped, feeling yourself drain everything you need out of your system. “It was understandable when we were First Years, but we’re older now. I’m not here for your entertainment. Can’t you just leave me alone? I just want to go one day without you breathing down my neck, is that too much to ask? You go off ruining everything for me all the time, do you hate me that much?”

“Sorry...I…”

You took a deep breath, trying to ease the tension in your body. You were fed up with Jaemin and you didn’t want to continue shouting at him in the middle of the pub. You especially didn’t want to say more harsher things, further burying yourself in a proverbial grave. You dashed out of the Three Broomsticks and into the flurry of snow.

You thought Na Jaemin was annoying, but the hurt that flashed in his eyes when he heard you say it aloud was something you hadn’t expected. You had in the past called him annoying, but hadn’t snapped like this. He usually would brush this off, opting to respond coolly or smugly, but this time he seemed seriously hurt by your words.

You were currently set up in a corner of the library, finishing off a Charms essay. The area was hidden behind shelves but well lit as it was next to a large window that allowed a stream of sunlight in. You had an array of Charms books sprawled around you.

“Hey, do you mind if I sit here--” The voice abruptly stopped and your eyes flew up to meet Na Jaemin who awkwardly hovered by, books wedge in his arms. “Oh, Y/N. I’ll, um, just leave.”

“Wait--” You stood up quickly, sending parchment flying in your wake. “Jaemin, stop! Don’t leave, stay please.”

“I don’t want to bother you,” He glanced down timidly and you felt something pull at your heartstrings.

“You don’t bother me,” You said as you moved around the table to stand in front of him, “I mean, you do, but it’s...Look, I want to say that I’m sorry for lashing out at you.”

“You erupted,” He smiled slightly down at you, “I’m the reason for it. You had it building up. I’m sorry for all the teasing, pranks, and being nosy in all your business.”

“How about a clean slate?” You asked, reaching a hand towards him. “To civility?”

“I think I can manage,” He grinned taking your hand and squeezing it, “Friends?”

“Hey, one step at a time, this is all new to me,” You giggled as he rolled his eyes, “Okay, okay, friends.”

“Just promise you won’t fall in love with me, my heart can’t take that stress.”

You punched his shoulder lightly and he chuckled, dropping his books onto the desk. It was a little bizarre to have him sitting with you and not have him acting like his annoying self.

Now, that we’re friends can I give you some Gryffindor advice?” You nodded and he continued, “Seize the moment, you’ll never know how that person feels unless you tell them. Love is worth it, don’tcha think?”

“You actually have a heart,” You giggled. “Heart of gold, right? Do you listen to your own advice?”

He rolled his eyes sarcastically at you but his expression softened, “Sometimes I wish I could, but no. She doesn’t feel the same way, I know it.”

“Have you told her? You won’t know unless you tell her, seize the moment.”

“I like you.” His eyes were on you, powerful and overwhelming. His words ringing with sincerity and conviction that knocked the breath out of you.

Your expression faltered, you knew this was too good to be true. He was back to his teasing self again. Yet the way he said those words made your stomach flutter.

“Jaemin I--”

He broke out it giggles and you laughed too, knowing you looked like a bumbling idiot.

“I’m kidding, bloody hell, thanks for the ego boost,” He pulled out his own Charms book and stared at you with large, puppy eyes, “I might be charming but I’m not good at Charms. I need your Ravenclaw expertise.”

“I thought Ravenclaws were boring.” You asked deflecting the awkward atmosphere from the previous situation.

“You lot are the best house, now please help me.”

So you did. You spent your afternoon helping Na Jaemin with his Charms essay and the next day you helped him with Transfiguration and so on. It was to the point that it became a regular occurrence. You would meet up every afternoon in the same isolated corner of the library, and study and talk and laugh.

Soon enough you two were actually acting civilly in the classroom. Jaemin no longer dipped your hair in his ink pot when you weren’t looking or teased you about having feelings for the Head Boy, which was refreshing. You were actually starting to see the appeal that Na Jaemin had, the appeal everyone in Hogwarts had seen but you had never until now.

It was a warm Spring day and you and Jaemin had agreed to study underneath a tree near the lake. Anna had spent the whole morning claiming you should make it into a picnic date. You had just shoved a pastie in her mouth and told her you didn’t see Jaemin that way, and he didn’t see you that way either.

It wasn’t that you didn’t find him attractive, you did. His personality had prevented you from ever seeing him in a romantic light. Now, you suppose he could seem attractive at times, but that didn’t mean you had feelings for him. You were barely friends, anything romantic was out of the question.

“Y/N.”

You glanced up at the sound of your name, Jaemin’s name on the tip of your tongue. Except it wasn’t the brazen Gryffindor with the alleged heart of gold, but a dark-haired Ravenclaw.

“Hendery,” The usual flutter you felt when you saw him was gone, but you still felt rather breathless as he plopped down next to you in a mass of black and blue.

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” He said smiling at you in a way that made you swoon. In the back of your head, you thought it paled in comparison to Jaemin’s bright grin.

“I’ve been swamped with work,” You gestured to the piles of books surrounding you.

He nodded, “I want you to know that what Jaemin said doesn’t bother me. I know he said it out of jealousy--”

You snorted, “He said it to spite me,” You bit your lip, hesitating on the next words, “He knew how I feel something for you.”

There it was out. You were confessing to the Head Boy who was graduating Hogwarts in a few weeks. You had seized the moment, just like Jaemin had advised.

“I know,” Hendery’s eyes were fixed on the jade green grass billowing in the wind. “I think I have for a while.”

“Y-you have?” You spluttered, wanting to bury yourself in a pile of books and grass. “Am I that obvious?”

“You are,” He nodded, smiling to himself, “Or maybe I’ve just become more observant as time went by, which is why I know Jaemin’s obvious dislike of me is jealousy.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“As ridiculous as you two being friends now?” He looked at you, eyes staring straight through you, “I think it took too long, by the way. I expected it sooner, I think all of Hogwarts was betting on when you two would end up snogging in the middle of hexing each other.”

“I like you, Hendery,” You pressed, shoving all the books aside and sitting in front of him.

“You’re infatuated with me,” Hendery talked to you as if you were a petulant child. “There’s a difference. Jaemin on the other hand…”

“So, you think I have feelings for Jaemin then?” You scoffed. “I think I know my own feelings, Hendery.”

I liked you too at one point, but I’m leaving Hogwarts,” You barely had time to register his words. “I’m graduating and moving to France to do some extensive research. Y/N, you realize this is the most we’ve talked since we first met. This is how I know, what you feel...it’s not like with Jaemin.”

“You really are persistent.”

“It’s more like Ravenclaw intuition,” He grabbed your hand and squeezed it, “The whole school has been watching you two for years, trust me I’ve got an outsider’s perspective. I just don’t want you to feel tied to an infatuation you built when we were young.”

“I don’t know what to say.” You really didn’t everything was too much. It was overwhelming.

You knew what everyone thought, Anna made it very obvious. She had always insisted Jaemin liked you. She had always said the school expected you to date and that he was pulling your proverbial pigtails as a sign that he liked you. You deflected those comments because you thought he was annoying, but know that you were getting to see his true colors those comments didn’t bother you.

“I guess thank you for this awakening,” You felt a little dazed, like you weren’t you and you had astral projected and were experiencing things from an outside perspective. “I don’t know if I’m suddenly having an epiphany, or if I’m coming to bizarre realization that you’re right.”

“Just in time.” Hendery brushed the grass off his robe as he rose from the ground, “I come in peace don’t worry,” He told the approaching Gryffindor. “I’ve got Head Duties to attend to, so if you’ll excuse me.”

“You looked like you’re having an existential crisis,” Jaemin pointed out taking a seat next to you, “What did Mr. Head Boy want, anyway.”

“I told him I liked him,” You blurted out.

“You did?” He looked panicked and your heart swelled at the hurt that swam in his eyes. “What did he say?”

“He said you liked me.”

“I--”

“Do you?” You peered over at Jaemin, who ran his hands through his brown hair, tousling it in a way that made your hands itch to touch it. “Seize your moment, Jaemin.”

“I do,” He sheepishly confessed, a deep blush dusting his cheeks. “That day in the library, I wasn’t joking. I’ve liked you for a long time, I just didn’t know how to express it other than immature ways.”

“I thought you genuinely just liked being insufferable and pestering me,” You quirked an eyebrow at him, “Your way of flirting has some flaws, you know.”

“Gah, I know,” He facepalmed as he cringed at the memories of him pranking you. “I’m sorry about that. I guess, I just wanted your attention.”

“You have it now,” You said, feeling emboldened, “I rather like this less immature, less insufferable side of you.”

“More than you like, Hendery?” He asked and you responded with a glare, “Hey, I had to ask!”

“I don’t know,” You teased making him growl back at you, biting back a grin you said, “How about we figure whatever this is out? We can go to Hogsmeade next weekend.”

“I’d like that,” He cracked a book open, a bright grin gracing his features, “So, does this mean that I can’t bewitch your goblet of pumpkin juice every now and then? Is that a turn off?”

“You really are the bane of my existence aren’t you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He beamed, leaning against you and twirling a piece of your hair between his fingers. Your heart thumped wildly. “I have a heart of gold, I can do no wrong.”

He pecked your cheek and winked at you, his focus falling onto the Charms book on his lap. His Gryffindor tie was loose and his white shirt unbuttoned at the collar. His brown hair glowed under the gleaming sunlight and his grin shone brighter than anything in the sky.

You weren’t sure if you still considered him the bane of your existence, but you were sure that whatever relationship progression you two were taking was something you felt like you saw coming no matter how much you denied it before.

Even though, throughout your Hogwarts years you purposefully dodged his presence, in that moment all you wanted to be was right next to him and that’s all that mattered for now.

#neowritingsnet #na jaemin #jaemin x reader #nct jaemin #nct #nct dream #nct fanfic #jaemin imagines #nct fanfiction

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btsandvmin · 6 years

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Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN

Some of the asks I answer I personally feel are worth saving, for me personally, and perhaps for you as well. But I don’t want to put them all in my Masterpost since there are so many and I am sure the list will grow. So I am putting the ones I feel might have something worth reading in one place.

Thank you all for asking me interesting questions and liking my posts. Asks are written more in the moment than my usual posts, so they might be less accurate as it’s all mostly from the top of my head. The newest ones will actually be on top, and then they will get older going down the list. I’ll update it regularly as I answer more asks. :)

Jimin was so clearly in need of cuddles from Tae as soon as they saw each other

Odd if none of them shared what they did during vacations

It just feels scripted, just like when they're talking abt what each other did during their vacations

100 days of winter bear and jiminie wears something that makes him look like a baby bear

About BV4, do you think it’s weird that Taehyung only found out about what Jimin did during his vacation on the day Jimin was back?

Dionysus stage as battle of gods and V=Apollo(God of Sun) and JM=Artemis(God of Moon) and their dance and wearing twin earrings(as the gods r twins) and I just remembered your whole vmin sun and moon theory

Is Tae Jm's mirror in bighits's fictional world?

Do you know what is the full video of this youtube video "BTS Jimin chose V ? VMin Moment?

When BV: Malta was airing, Jimin would post pictures of each episode on Twitter and stopped on the episode that Taehyung arrives

I'm like a hardcore Km shipper (romantically) since 2016 but i have to agree every song Tae has written connects with Jm

We don't see vmin together often... so yeah jikook could be more real then vmin

I'm trying to find tweets that vmin send to each other on their birthday but I can't find the one that jimin send for tae in 2017 did he send one?

The new run bts episode was really filmed in May?

Did Jimin released Promise on Tae's birthday?

I am working on a Vmin analysis which is currently 24 pages just in text. O___o

He calls JM "My Baby" but the subtitles put in by BH say "Good Boy" Why would they change the translation.

Shipping sometimes seems pointless. Especially when "moments" between one ship can easily be spotted with another.

I can't believe that some fans thought that vmin were not friends anymore because a game!

It's so cute how Jimin and V talked about arguing with each other over small things because they are close friends

I think people who unfollow you are Multishippers who believe in other ship

Is it kind of weird that vmin has never went on a trip by themselves?

Seeing all the vmin interactions of this last concert, do you think this might be a reason why BH will not give us vmin duet?

I would love to read ur vmin story

Concerning the nightmare before Christmas thing

The Disney birthday project turned up to be false

Jimin thinks V is "mi bb' What does the question mean?

I don't think we'll get a Vmin song

BTS, 191009_ ICN INT' Airport Departure) at 40 seconds

Where do you write fics? I really want to read your fics...

It's interesting to see the way the bh editors work

Where is the vmin break up mini movie video from?

Do you ship Jimin or Tae with k pop girls?

The members trying to break off a vmin moment on cam?

Is it true that bts don't live together?

What do you think about the concept photos? (PERSONA)

What other vmin blogs do you follow or check regularly?

In an usa interview where jimin was kinda leaning on the male interviewer for a few seconds and suddenly tae was looking kinda tense

Did you catch up on everything for bts or/and vmin before the BS&T era?

You should see @vlovers19 blog

I'm sorry if you think I offended you or judged you

Do you know that Tae hold hands with other member even Suga or they all hold hands with each other so it's not only a VMIN thing

About bon voyage 3 and them not sharing rooms and the car

4 oclock is supposedly dedicated to jimin, why Tae waits for him in the park if they live together?

Imagine my surprise when i saw vk/ook,ji/kook were the most popular. I tried to understand but i still don’t get why

Do you think vmins lack of or th reduced amount of skinship comes from the fact that they are same aged friends?

Other ships (kpopidols) that you like?

Part of me wanted Taehyung to be in Paris too

The boys being apart of the lgbt community that's unrelated to their relationship

If someone in BTS is gay he will try to date girls or maybe marry a girl in the end?

If vmin are really together and if they were to come out, how do you think they would do that?

I feel like they use the word "friend" instead of, idk, "boyfriend”

You saw the hk concert right?

Unknown nickname in his thank you note for “Dark and Wild”

When did Vmin started dating?

Bv3, I ain't getting over it.

I feel like vmin have been sexually involved for a very long time

Any thoughts abt Tae's three rings on his right hand and always not wearing one on his ring finger?

In bts festa profile 2015 when jimin wrote tae's profile he drew a character that reminds him of taehyung

Did u see the second trailer for bring the soul documentary series?

In one of your asks you said jk wasn't having a great time in 2017

Are you gonna make a post about vmin sharing rooms?

What would be your top 5 favorite vmin moments? 💜

Run episode to Jm and JK "Are You Guys dating ?"

Barely getting any vmin content

Sometimes i cant help but feel really weird about vmin and feel insecure

Maybe you should just ignore all the asks about other ships

Sharing a car as proof

Docskim not being allowed to release the behind story of Lie

Getting it out of the way… (about various other ships and “proof“)

What are the moments that seems most like "proof" to you?

Have you seen the Vlive remember party?

At the end of the day, it mostly comes down to personal interpretations and preferences

Do you know why T/ae and J/imin toxic stans really hate each other?

Is it being "delusional" for some vmin fans to think scenery, promise and 4 o' clock are related to vmin?

When will u start answering anons again i really miss ur insight and wise words

I feel like jimin is forcing himself the affection he is showing is mostly forced

Do you have twitter?

The Rkive Vmin moment when JM ‘refused’ Tae’s cuddle

They were often looking behind cameras and it really shows like in episodes 59&60

Do you think there's a big reason that vm don't do Vlives together anymore

Vmin shippers spreading misinformation in aid of our ship?

Can I use one of your gifs? (I don’t make my own gifs, sorry)

Did you see what Tae said? ie I miss you even after being apart for 10 seconds

When one is clingy, the other will try to act as if it's bothering him

My friend is convinced Ji/kook is real

About namjoon's vlive, "it's a broadcast"

Oof is it just me or the sexual tension was through the roof between vmin in that vlive?

Tae says "our armys are watching this so... " so uhm was that..?

Where does the soulmate thing comes from with vmin?

Taehyung is more open both physically and showing affection wise with every member except Jimin

Have you seen the moments from today's concert? Fukuoka

They can do whatever they want people will say they're such good bros and won't look into it

Holding each other's hands is probably the least platonic thing that they keep doing

Do you know any good vmin analysis youtube account/videos?

why do you think jk and taehyung might not be straight?

Guys, I love vmin so much!

I really like your analysis!! a lot of good points. Can I add a couple things I noticed?

How long do you think vmin have been dating?

u really think vm is real?

Vmin are really bold these days

We get to see them bicker

The video jimin posted where he's sending hearts to Tae

Feel conflicted about the rise in popularity

I’m a bit worried about the attention Vmin is getting recently

U answered my jik ask so well

Tae being bold because he's bursting with affection

Jimin admitted he was jealous

About the families (+kimchi ep. mini analysis)

About vmin/ji/ook/tae/kook

The whole maknae line

Never seemed to be in the same team

When people "ship" them?

Showing their bond more

About Jikook

About vmin being the less popular ship

Flustered vmin

Yeontan vlive

About the airport moment

Do you think that vmin live together?

About vmin rising in popularity

Do you have a link for that moment during New Year's 2016?

Platonic/bro label on vmin

More than friendship between vmin

My reply - Making Vmin videos

Thank you! A small reply

About my bias

Opinions above people

Once again, THANK YOU ALL so much for loving Vmin so much and for coming to me with your lovely messages. <3

#vmin #btsandvmin #ask #vmin analysis #my post #collection #vmin answer #bts ask #btsandvmin answers #thank you #keep loving vmin

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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Halfway Around The World (Witney) - Albatross

AN: Inspired by a request for a Witney fic based off of the Race Chaser quotes “I would fly across the world to see her” and “I would fly halfway around the world”. Or, three times Willam tried to surprise Courtney and one time Courtney surprised Willam (with help from Alaska).

In the spirit of full transparency, I have not been doing well in terms of motivation to write. There’s a lot of factors that have gone into this but for the past few weeks its really been a major struggle because I love to write and have so many ideas that I want to work on and share with you all. I’m trying to work past it and right now the best way seems to just be focusing on one story at a time and of course the one that is of the most interest to me at the moment. Originally I had a schedule planned where I would work on my older ideas first until I was caught up but for the time being I’m gonna try to follow where my motivation is leading me and start on the magical girls fic. Right now it looks like its going to be 5 chapters long plus a prologue just for background purposes. I’m hoping that I’ll have the prologue and first chapter up in the next few weeks but I’m not gonna rush myself or make any promises about the timing until I’m happy with how its turning out.

He told himself he was fine when Courtney announced that she was moving to the UK. Honestly he had kind of guessed that this was coming but it still caught him by surprise with how sudden her decision seemed to be made. It was a little hasty in his opinion but also not his call to make so he simply wished her luck and assisted where he could as she prepared to move overseas.

This wasn’t something entirely unusual with drag queens; follow the money and the fans and right now her popularity was soaring in the UK so why not stay there and ride it out as long as she could?

Willam understood that logic; that’s what prompted his own move to LA after all but still…it hurt that she hadn’t really talked with him about it beforehand…and he had to admit; it was going to be quite a change not to be able to go over to her apartment whenever he wanted. Not that he was that frequent of a visitor anyway with their own conflicting schedules most of the time but it was nice to have that option available.

The first few weeks after her departure continued on as they normally would have; he was booked and busy and hardly gave her absence a thought. There was no point; they were still texting and calling just as much so it was almost like she was still living in the US. The moment her move really hit him was following a return from a successful but tiring string of shows and his immediate thought upon returning to the city was to go see her. Despite her grumbling she would always let him into her apartment (he had the door code after all so why not let him inside?) where he’d plop down on her couch, pick at some of the vegan snack she’d undoubtedly be eating, snide comments to follow, and the pair would catch up on whatever they missed since the last time they saw one another.

It was so routine that Willam was already in the car and five minutes away from his home before he recalled that she was no longer in the city. A wave of unknown and confusing emotion swept through him but he quickly pushed that aside and continued driving instead towards the grocery store. He was already heading that direction so why not make the most of his trip anyway now that visiting Courtney was out of the question?

As the weeks turned into months, Willam still thought he was handling the separation rather well. He was spending time with other friends, Alaska most of all, so there was always a distraction when he needed one. One of his particular go-tos happened to be their new podcast; still a baby in terms of the amount of episodes they produced but it was rapidly taking off with the fans. And it was something else to focus his attention on in his down time. In some cases he and Alaska were able to record in his studio and he had to admit it was nice spending time with her. Although they were technically working it never felt like that; they always kept things light and easy-going so the hours simply flew by.

More often than not after the recording was finished she’d end up staying long after the rest of Willam’s employees had left and they’d either smoke and chat or find somewhere to eat. It was during one of these sessions that Willam was forced to face an unsettling truth.

Somehow their lazy conversation had turned to how Courtney was doing and being the one that was most recently in contact with her, Willam felt obliged to fill in the blanks. He scrolled through her messages as he recounted all of the things they shared with each other either verbally or through text and proceeded to show Alaska nearly every picture that had been sent to him. An amused smile rested on her lips as she listened to him run through his gushing with an almost child-like enthusiasm until he finally reached the end of all the possible updates he could share.

As soon as there was a lull in his speech, Alaska stated matter-of-factually, “You miss her.”

There was no question in her tone, no hesitance; just her telling him something that he ought to have known all along. Those three simple words caught him by surprise and like a flood gate opening, he felt a sudden clenching around his heart. He tried to examine his feelings as objectively as possible but only one conclusion was ever reached. In a vaguely pensive and distracted voice, he agreed, “Yeah, I guess I do.”

For the remainder of Alaska’s visit he firmly pushed aside any other talk or thought of Courtney. However the same couldn’t be said when he finally returned home that night. Once he was finally alone, there was little he could do to prevent his mind from drifting back to the older blonde. The more he thought about it, the harder it was to deny that for awhile now he had missed her far more than he’d ever admit, even to himself.

For so long he had refused to even entertain the thought of it that it finally took Alaska setting him straight before he fully understood the reality of his situation. He had to face facts; he missed Courtney…a lot…and right now, he was able to use work and friends to keep himself distracted but how long would it be before even that wasn’t enough?

He honestly didn’t want to find out.

*******

A simple solution presented itself in his mind; if he missed her, why not go see her?

It was all very logical, at least on paper. Throw in their career commitments and the actual amount of distance and suddenly the situation became a lot more difficult…but not impossible, he argued.

With little persuasion needed, he convinced Rhea to join him on a short touring sprint throughout the UK. He wasn’t sure where exactly Courtney was staying but by hitting some of the major cities he hoped one of them would end up being close. It all seemed to be perfectly planned in his mind; he advertised the dates a bit more heavily than he normally would, knowing that eventually Courtney would see it, and let his mind rest easy until the time came to actually depart for the airport.

But it was odd, he noticed.

He would have thought by now that she’d have mentioned the shows at some point during their conversations. Yet she remained silent on the topic…Perhaps she was planning to surprise him…No, she couldn’t keep that a secret even with an ocean separating them.

By the time the plane landed in the UK, Willam decided he had done enough pondering over the subject and figured he might as well just ask her upfront if she would be coming to any of the shows. For the rest of the afternoon he was checking his phone almost every 10 minutes in the hopes of getting a new alert but nothing that came through was ever from her. Finally about two hours before their first appearance was set to begin, a familiar name popped up on his screen. His heart immediately began racing in his chest at least until he read the opening of unusually long block of text.

‘I’m sorry, Bill. I got a last minute booking for-’

He stopped actively reading after the first sentence, the message was clear enough; she was busy in another country, Spain he thought possibly, but no matter where it was, she wouldn’t be able to attend any of the dates…she just wouldn’t be able to make it back in time.

He waited until well after that night’s show had finished before sending a follow up text assuring her that it was okay, that they’d catch each other the next time but his heart just wasn’t in it. He was angry…with her and himself. He hadn’t directly mentioned anything to her nor had she ever said that she’d be able to attend but it was still all too easy to allow himself to be mad at her. Anything to take the blame off of the pathetic state he found himself suddenly in.

The rest of their mini tour continued without a hitch and eventually Willam found himself calming down. Around the fans it was practically second nature to slip into a friendly, happy-to-be-here mode but as soon as he was alone, he could do very little to hide how miserable he actually was. Thankfully few dared to comment on it and by the fourth day he was at least able to act like everything was all right.

He still talked with Courtney at least once a week but after coming so close to seeing her in person, it felt like even hearing her voice just wasn’t enough. Gradually he fell into FaceTiming her more frequently. If she had any suspicions about his true intentions she never voiced them. Honestly she seemed elated to see him as well, even if it were only through a screen.

Between the two of them, days worth of calls and video must have been accumulated in their ever increasing efforts to stay connected. Willam for one felt a little less lonely during these times but almost immediately after they hung up, when it was only his face staring back at him from a blank screen, more often than not it felt like his heart had dropped to his stomach.

He knew he couldn’t continue on like this for much longer.

He had to see her, but how?

There was a fleeting idea of trying to connect with her in UK again now that she seemed to be stationary there but something always held him back. More than once he found himself pricing flights and hotels but before committing himself to anything he’d always close out the page and step away from his laptop. There was one final instance of this where he came so close, he even had the websites pulled up as he chatted away with her on the phone but yet again an unexpected problem quickly arose.

The conversation began easily enough, Willam was discussing his next sprint of touring; a full 42 days and happened to casually mention that he was thinking of taking a vacation afterwards. A small smile found its way to his lips as Courtney readily agreed with him that it would be well deserved but at the moment when he thought she would suggest coming to visit, she instead interjected, almost as though it were afterthought, that she was about to depart for her own new adventure. This time it would involved a return to her homeland.

As her pitch rose in excitement, Willam’s spirits dropped until it felt like there was a heavy weight on his chest. He missed part of what she said next, other than reminding him to be sure not to mention it to anyone else until she formally announced it herself, but after a brief period of shock he gathered that she would be appearing on some dancing show. It didn’t matter to him what the title was, all that stuck out to him was yet another missed opportunity because he waited too long to act.

On the surface he made sure to keep a bright smile as he congratulated her and wished her luck but in reality he was just barely himself together at that point. He was surprised to learn that he was more than a bit envious at how easily she seemed to be handling their separation. It hardly seemed like it was affecting her at all yet here he was, almost a wreck because he couldn’t see her, couldn’t touch her as he once been able to. Momentarily he wondered how he had become so pathetic, so needy and reliant on her but his thoughts quickly cycled back to their previous tours together. Back then it seemed so common that they would have shared shows every couple of months. And even if that weren’t the case their homes weren’t all that far apart. They could easily stop over for a quick visit between their hectic touring schedules.

In short, he missed that predictability; that no matter how far apart they were, at the very least they’d find their way back to LA and reunite for a few days. He missed his friend with a far greater depth than he suspected he felt for anyone else…and that thought shook him right to his core.

******* Following his revelation of this latest set back Willam was grateful that his new leg of touring was set to begin in just a few short weeks. Anything was welcomed at this point as a form of distraction. Although previously their podcast served that purpose, there were times now when Willam would dread reconnecting with Alaska. She never mentioned it directly but Willam rather suspected that she understood his situation far more than what she’d dare comment on. It wasn’t that she was purposefully avoiding the subject, more like she wanted to give him space as he figured things out.

For months it felt like, he debated on what his next step ought to be. Courtney was doing so well on her show and so long as that remained true, she’d stay put in Australia. But she was so busy aside from dance practice. Willam just couldn’t bring himself to pop over there in the midst of all her hard work. The last thing he wanted was to be a distraction for her…and though he hated to admit it, he was terrified of what her reaction might be. Even now with a screen separating them he still felt so exposed whenever they would speak, like one word would instantly betray everything he’s kept hidden away while talking with her. He just wasn’t sure if he could put himself out there when rejection seemed a very likely outcome.

But finally Dancing With The Stars came to an end and though Courtney and her partner ultimately lost, Willam couldn’t be any more proud of her. Every time he saw her dancing, she just looked so happy and after ignoring the tossing and turning in his stomach, he pushed himself to book a seat on the next reasonable looking flight.

To his surprise as the plane left the airport the following week, he felt unusually calm, almost in the same manner as if he were returning home after being away for several months. The journey was long and he hardly slept yet once he landed on foreign soil he felt more awake than he had been almost any other time that he traveled overseas. Upon checking into his hotel and unpacking his toiletries, Willam’s next move was to call Vanity. If anyone knew where to find Courtney as she gallivanted around the city, it’d be her.

After two full sets of ringing, a surprised and pleased voice answered his call, “Hey, Willam! What’s going on? New order come out alright?”

A smile found its way to his lips as he recalled the last wig he had ordered from her; a truly spectacular piece he couldn’t wait to feature on BeatDown after a few minor adjustments.

“Looks great,” he replied honestly, “Can’t wait to try her out…”

From there the two talked shop for a good 10 minutes followed by a quick session of catching up before Willam found a way to work in the true reason he called. Trying to sound as casual as he could manage as his pulse raced away in his ears, he asked the native Aussie, “You and Court up to anything tonight?”

The response came back all too quick and through the thick accent Willam felt his expectations shatter to bits and pieces, “No, she left two days ago.”

Willam was shocked, barely able to catch his breath as he tried to force his brain to come up with any kind of reply. After what certainly was too long to avoid arousing suspicion, he was finally able to mutter a simple, “Oh…”

“Didn’t she tell you?” Vanity questioned with evident confusion in her voice.

“No, I…I didn’t ask.”

There was another pregnant pause where Willam would swear he could hear the gears turning around in her head. The hand holding his phone was trembling as he fought against the urge to hang up right that second. Finally after what felt like an hour but was barely more than a few seconds, Vanity asked very cautiously, “Willam…where are you right now?”

“I…” his voice broke off as he realized just how vulnerable he had let himself become in those brief moments. No part of him wanted to admit what he done so foolishly but before he could help himself, he heard a voice he barely recognized admitting, “I’m about 20 minutes from your apartment.”

“Oh…baby,” the empathetic words slipped from her lips and shot themselves straight into his heart. His throat was threatening to clench shut as he heard her quickly offer, “Do you want to meet up? Drink or get a bite to eat?”

Tears pricked at his eyes but immediately his hand shot up to rub them away as he replied back in what he hoped was a level tone, “No, that’s…that’s okay. I’m a bit tired.”

“Alright,” she relented, sounding entirely unconvinced of his excuse. “If you change your mind, you know how to reach me.”

“Right,” he agreed with a shaky laugh, “Thanks…”

Before ending the call, he pleaded with her, “Please…Don’t tell Courtney about this.”

“I won’t,” she promised.

He knew he could trust her not to mention anything to the blonde but as for himself? What was he going to do now?

******* With the same bull-headed stubbornness he had come to be known for, Willam forced himself to stay for the full duration of his 'vacation’. It was tempting, almost too much so, to run back to the US with his tail between his legs but pride wouldn’t allow him to give in so easily. He tried to convince himself that he was enjoying his time away from everyone, for once fully cut off from anyone he knew, Vanity included. Though he was tempted to be polite and at least meet her for a quick drink, he was too humiliated to face her in person. All he did instead was exchange a few short texts and sequestered himself away from anyone else.

By the time Willam landed back in LA his mood had taken a sharp turn for the worse. He was angry and mortified and above all, just plain miserable at this spectacularly failed final attempt to see Courtney. He knew himself well enough to recognize that it’d be best not to see anyone in this state but at times it just couldn’t be helped. There were obligations to his career after all but try as he might, he was a bit more snappish with those around him than he would have been under normal circumstances. Most had taken to avoiding him for the time being, except of course for Alaska. She understood all too well what the likely reason was behind Willam’s behavior and finally confronted him after they finished recording the latest episode of Race Chaser.

Without a hint judgement in her voice, she questioned him, “Courtney?”

Willam’s eyes blew wide with fear and embarrassment. He turned away out of shame and proceeded to begin cleaning up the mess they had made during their recording but not before giving a brief, reluctant nod of confirmation.

As Willam kept his hands busy and mind distracted, Alaska tried to work out just what might have happened between the pair. She was sure if they had a fight she would have heard him mention some inkling of it but she had barely talked to him for the last few weeks aside from business, never mind actually seeing-

“Oh,” she murmured in realization. Her heart had begun to break for her friend as she pieced together what he had probably done.

Standing up from her seat, she placed a hand on his shoulder to stop his frantic cleaning efforts and asked gently, “You tried to see her…didn’t you?”

His fingers were shaking and lip quivering as he tried to bite back the flurry of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. Though he couldn’t bring himself to answer, she already knew she had guessed correctly. Almost immediately she pulled him into a tight embrace and in a truly unexpected fashion he was instantly clinging to her like she was his own life support system.

“I miss her so much,” he confessed quietly as he buried himself into her neck.

A part of him hoped that she hadn’t heard that but soon he felt her hand running across his back while she whispered, “I know…it’s gonna get better. I promise.”

She meant well but Willam just couldn’t find a trace of himself that believed her right now.

******* After his mostly private break down in Alaska’s arms, Willam’s attitude had undergone another drastic development. He apologized to those he had been short with but he was far from the normally happy and campy queen everyone had come to know. A cloud of misery seemed to hang over him despite his best attempts to remain upbeat and positive. It was easiest to pretend at his shows but when he was alone and there was no such reason to put on that mask? Well, he was an absolutely pitiful, soul-crushed mess.

About the only thing that broke him out of that state for even a short while was the time he spent with close friends, particularly his chats with Courtney. He had fallen out of contact with her during his period of misdirected anger but once he had finally snapped out of that phase he was all too eager to resume the same level of communication they arranged prior to his impromptu visit to Australia.

Hardly a day went by where they weren’t at the very least exchanging a few texts back and forth. Their preferred method of speaking to one another was still video chats but with Willam’s touring schedule resuming and Courtney’s own various appointments picking up again, it was harder to set aside solid blocks of time for that activity. Even calls had become shorter but through text they could still maintain a deep conversation spanning across several hours.

One particular night they were following this routine between rehearsals and finally the actual show of yet another live version of Race Chaser, this time gracing the East Coast with their presence. Willam and Alaska had longed to bring the show back to their hometown coast and finally after finding a suitable venue where they could expect a large crowd, everything was arranged and booked.

The show itself was everything they could have hoped for after having so much success with it in the West. The fans loved every second of their banter and antics and special guests. They were sure they’d be bringing the show back for another round sometime soon.

Hours slipped by until the last fan finally left the meet and greet and the queens were able to return to their dressing room. Both of them were eager to check their phones and almost instantly after typing a quick message to Courtney, he found a reply sent back. He figured he must have caught her as she was finishing up her own schedule for the day as well. Like he was in a trance, Willam allowed himself to become absorbed by his phone and the rapid-fire conversation that had picked up with the missing blonde. He was unusually slow as he de-dragged himself but Alaska didn’t make a comment on it. Actually, she didn’t seem to be any particular rush either as she tapped away at her own illuminated screen.

Almost repacked and back in his street clothes, Willam sat down in one of the empty chairs and focused himself almost exclusively on Courtney. Their conversation had reached that lazy comfortable stage that he wanted to last for as long as possible before one of them fell asleep. By this time Alaska looked to be pretty much ready to go but still she didn’t push her friend to hurry along. She almost seemed to be waiting for something, perhaps to talk to the venue staff before arranging a driver to take them back to the hotel.

Either way Willam was happy to lose himself in his chat with Courtney. Just vaguely as he typed away on his phone, he heard the brunette standing up from her seat and swiftly rushed out of the room. No less than a minute after Alaska had exited than Willam felt his phone vibrating in his hand with a new message of 'Do you have any plans after the show?’

He toyed with a myriad of responses in his head, ranging from an utter fucking lie of replying that he would be heading out to find some trade or just admitting that he would probably retire to his hotel room to sleep for the rest of the night but in the end, he only typed back a simple, 'No.’

An almost immediate response appeared on his screen of 'Good,’ but before he could question it any further, Willam heard Alaska reentering the room. Very purposefully she walked directly in front of him with a confident and smug look on her face yet for once she was absolutely silent. Taking the bait with a brow arched in genuine suspicion, Willam opened his mouth to question her cocky little grin but a pair of familiar arms enclosing him from behind instantly shoved any sort of smartass remark right out of his mind.

Even before he heard her voice, Willam recognized the comforting embrace he’d been missing in the past year. Just low enough for Alaska to barely make out, Courtney cooed into his ear, “Hey, Bill.”

There was an unmistakable tone of relief and longing in her voice but that seemed to pale in comparison to the similar emotions that threaten to overwhelm the dirty blonde. Firmly swallowing back the pricking of tears in his eyes, Willam shot up from his seat and spun around to face the shorter queen. She held a sheepish grin as she took a slight step back and waited as they decided what the next move ought to be.

The pair stared at each other in near silence, Courtney somewhat embarrassed by showing up out of the blue and Willam in utter disbelief that the blonde was actually here in front of him rather than just through an LED screen. Sensing the need for privacy for the three, at least for these first few moments, Alaska casually strolled back to the door and promptly shut it from any prying eyes of the staff that might dare to peak in. Nearly the second the faux wood hit the frame, Courtney pushed herself forward to wrap her arms around Willam in a manner that almost made her cringe from how immediately clingy she had already become.

Her voice came out just a bit choked as she murmured softly, “I missed you.”

Of their own accord, Willam felt his arms returning the gesture with almost an equivalent amount of passion but still he couldn’t stop himself from retorting, “Of course you did; I’m fucking awesome.”

******* The reunion lasted no more than five minutes before Alaska announced that she was ordering a car to drive back to the hotel. Immediately deciding to join her, Courtney and Willam packed up the remaining belongings in the dressing room and hastily followed her out to venue’s sidewalk to impatiently wait for their Lyft driver. The only small talk was made between Alaska and Courtney, the former using the brief opportunity to catch up knowing full well she wouldn’t be seeing Courtney again for the rest of the night. Though it was nice to see one of her closest friends in person again, she understood that the elder pair of queens needed this time together more than anything. She would gladly allow them to have the night to themselves while she found other activities to keep herself entertained.

Upon arriving at the hotel, the three began to part ways in the lobby but not before Willam pulled the brunette in for an unexpected hug and very sincere whisper of gratitude. True to her easy-going nature, Alaska merely shrugged her shoulders and walked off towards her room with a pleased smile at a job rather well done.

As for the remaining pair, an aura of heavy tension surrounded them as Willam guided them back to his rented room for the night. Though he tried to maintain an air of disinterest, he felt his body all but twitching with nerves as to what might happen once they were finally and truly alone together. Thoughts raced through his mind of all the things he wanted to say and do but the moment the door had shut behind Courtney and his bags were deposited on the floor, only one thought remained coherent enough to follow.

Courtney allowed her body become entirely malleable against his as he crowded her against the wall with a dazed and distracted look his eyes. She expected him to be forward yet even being so close he still seemed so reluctant to actually touch her. A distinct fear lurked in his thoughts that the second he’d make contact she might slip away from his grasp and it all would be revealed as a cruel and heartbreaking dream. Though there was so much more Courtney wanted to do in that moment now that they were reunited, she remained patient and let him move at his own pace.

Very cautiously, a trembling hand came to rest on her hip until she could just feel the curl of his fingers against the loose fabric of her cargo shorts. Finding that she was still just as solid as she had been at the club, he gradually leant in closer until only a few short inches remained between their lips. He seemed caught between wanting to initiate that contact yet still too afraid to finally cross that last boundary. A silent challenge resonated in her eyes but the most he felt confident enough to do was raise his other hand to caress her cheek as their lips remaining ghosting just a frustrating few centimeters apart.

For almost a full minute they stood like that; each almost too afraid to make any further move that would collapse what little illusion still existed between them. Finally, Courtney raised the hands she had braced in anticipation against the wall and lightly pressed them into Willam’s midsection. His eyes blew wide open in fear that perhaps he was reading the situation wrong or wasn’t moving fast enough for her. But before that thought could penetrate his consciousness too deeply, Courtney suggested in a hushed voice, “Let’s move to the bed.”

Nodding, Willam wrapped a hand gingerly around one of hers and led them in an awkward fashion towards the still made bed. If Courtney had any intention of merely sitting beside him, he seemed largely unconcerned and unaware as he immediately pulled her into his lap. Even being chest to chest with their foreheads resting against one another, the minuscule distance between their bodies still felt like too much space was left. Willam’s hands had returned to their position of clutching at her hips so tightly that she feel every flex and twitch of the muscles in his fingers. Her own hands quickly slipped past his neck and into his hair in a small attempt to prevent him from pulling away from her again. Their lips grazed against one another as she admitted in a pained whisper, “I missed you.”

Unlike before, his response this time was sincere and immediate; a heartfelt agreement of “I missed you, too.”

With those four words Courtney felt an unknown tension drain from her body and a sudden surge of confidence encouraged her to place a light peck to Willam’s lips. The contact was brief but even so it meant so much to the pair, more so than any other kiss they had shared before.

Shortly after their lips separated the dirty blonde confessed in a barely audible tone, “I tried to see you…surprise you, you know…but I was always late…I’d get there and you’d…you’d already be gone…it always happens like that. I’d always just miss you because I took too long getting there.”

The last sentence meant so much more than those few words could ever express yet the emotion that filled each syllable betrayed his true feelings all too clearly. Courtney felt her heart aching for Willam as she recognized the symbolism in both his attempts to see her and in her efforts to see him. Turning his chin up so that he would look her in the eye, she told him, “I tried to see you, too…but I’d get there too early…and then I’d get scared waiting and leave before you knew anything.”

Courtney felt a warmth rising to her cheeks as she continued on in an almost shameful manner, “I showed up at your studio a few weeks after I moved to try and catch you but only Rhea was there…she said you booked a few extra days after your tour to relax for a bit…mentioned that you wouldn’t be back in LA until the following week…She offered to let me stay with her until then but I panicked. I begged her not to tell you I stopped by…didn’t want you to know how much I really missed you or make fun of me for being such a crybaby about it.”

A halfhearted smirk worked its way onto Willam’s lips as he teased her softly, “You’re always a crybaby…”

His eyes shot to the bedspread for a moment before he found the nerve to admit, “I wish I’d been there though.”

“What would you have done if you saw me?” Courtney prodded gently as she cocked her head to the side with the inquiry.

Shrugging, Willam offered a defeated sigh of, “Fix your makeup?…I don’t know. Just…”

“Would you have done this?” the blonde asked as she ran a soothing hand through the messy tangle of curly locks wrapped around her fingers.

There was a painful, pregnant pause as she awaited his answer. He looked wracked with guilt as he finally confessed, “No.”

“Then I’m glad we missed each other since it led to…this,” She replied back with a forgiving smile. Gently cajoling him into looking at her once more, she asked, “But why didn’t you say anything about this sooner? Why’d you let it get this bad? That I had to hear about it from Alaska?”

Willam forced back a guilty swallow as a look of utter shame came to rest on his face. His eyes held a silent answer of 'You know why.’

Courtney nodded her head in an understanding she came to know all too well with her friend. They shared another short kiss before Courtney urged him, “Please…don’t be afraid to tell me next time.”

“I won’t,” Willam promised. Though he meant it to some extent, Courtney knew he was still likely to wait, at least in the beginning, before he’d swallow his pride and admit that he misses her. But that was okay. She could read him better than anyone and with any luck, she could learn to recognize the behavior before it came to this point again.

The dirty blonde’s eyes darted from Courtney to the bedspread and back again as another guilty thought was finally vocalized, “This always happens though…I’m always late…”

“And I’m always early,” Courtney remarked gently. “…Maybe that’s why we need Alaska…to help us meet in the middle somewhere.”

The pair shared a fond smile and finally allowed their lips to connect in a manner they’d been waiting for since the moment they saw each other that night. Every bit of neglected passion rose forth as they allowed their bodies to finally express the emotions they’d kept pent up and ignored for so long. Neither knew how long they stayed in that position, neither cared so long as they could finally touch the other person but eventually the aching of their bodies eventually forced them to move into a more comfortable embrace. Laying side by side, they resumed their kiss for another few seconds until Willam felt he needed to voice one final concern before they continued forward with whatever might develop from this new territory in their relationship.

“What do we do after tonight?” He asked with genuine apprehension and fear. “Your hobby is jumping from one reality show to next on any continent that’ll let your plane land…What’s gonna happen to us?”

Brushing aside the curls that had fallen into his face, Courtney replied confidently, “We can make it work. It’ll take a lot of trust, lot of compromise and a lot of patience but we’ll figure this out….We’ll find a way, we always do.”

Though he’d never admit it, he actually believed her statement with every ounce of his soul. If she believed that this could work out for them, he was more than willing to give it a good, honest chance. It would take a lot of work but if were for Courtney, it’d be more than worth it.

A bright smile of previously unknown size broke out across his face as he finally allowed himself to push aside his pride and admit without any prompting, “Court, I really missed you.”

Returning the gesture, Courtney asserted in equal measure, “I missed you too, Bill.”

#rpdr fanfiction #witney #willam belli #courtney act #alaska thunderfuck #vanity faire #rhea litre #fluff #angst #longing #albatross #canon compliant

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goalkepa · 6 years

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2k followers appreciation post💙

I did the appreciation post when I reached 1k probably a year ago. And I feel like I need to write this again, not only because I keep this as part of the memories but also because I regard it as a chance to show my gratefulness to every single one of you who has become my friends or just simply support me, unconditionally. This post will be pretty long I guess. You can just scroll through as long as you feel annoyed. But if you have time, especially those who I will mention later, I hope you can read it word by word, because you guys really take a big part in my life. Without further ado, let’s get started!

I’d love to mention some *old* friends first:

@thomas-partey :

Probably the one that has been there for me from the beginning of this journey? I always enjoy the time when we have talks, Yerika, about Atleti, about life. You are such a sweet and brave person, who will put all your efforts to reach the goals you set for yourself. That’s what I admire A LOT. Although we didn’t talk that much like we used to, because you’re not online pretty often anymore, just want you to know that I’m still here for you, always. And I feel like I’ll write you a message very soon🙈Thank you for always backing me up. Much love to you.💙

@coolsaul :

Awww Julie my superb French bean out there😍 I still remember when I traveled to Paris, I messaged you about some stupid questions like I was so worried that if I couldn’t find the location of Boutique FFF or if I went there and the store was not open etc. But you were so nice and patient to me at that time, and even now you will still answer ALL the things about Les Bleus and even share your amazing memories (like meeting all those French idiots) with me, which makes me feel so so honored and happy. Oh and not to mention how awesome you are as an Atleti’s fan and how ambitious you are as a beautiful lady. Wish everything goes well there in UK. Much love to you💙

And now here comes some *new blood*. I think I’ve talked to more people after World Cup compared to the time before this tournament. The reason? I don’t know. For me, this needs a lot of courage and I’m extremely glad that I sent the simple “hi” message to some of my mutuals (or few of you sent me first), who are all so freaking nice to me. I wrote the order randomly. In case I forgot to mention some of you, I’m truly sorry. It only means that I’m a dumbass and I honestly don’t know how to put my feelings into words. Anyway, I thank all of you a lot. Here we go:

@niguezsaul :

Needless to say, the funniest Colchoneros I could not ask for. When the game is live and you post your live update, it’s really entertaining. Sometimes it could be hilarious, or just so close to the truth. Your love for Atleti is very valuable and precious. Although I believe you’ve experienced the hardness of supporting this color, you will never give up, right? When the next season comes, you’ll definitely witness our spirit by yourself. Trust me, Karo. You won’t regret for being heartbroken for them over and over again. Much love to you💙

@the-place-to-sparkle :

Let me introduce you a sweet, kind, caring and beautiful lady. Her name is Cami. You’d better write it down. Girl, your love for the things you adore is the purest thing on this planet. Not only football, but also the way you dream of living in your life. On this site, there are too much hatred and negative things. But you are never affected by this. You’re always the one who shares positive stuffs, post some good vibes and reblog all those gentle reminders, which are helpful for those who need, including me. What makes you become such a unique person in my heart, is that you never hide the true side of yourself. This is why all of us love you, Cami. We love the real you and you should never change for anyone. Keep on sparkling✨ my lovely bean. Much love to you💙

@diogodxlot :

Okay so please let me say this again, you are so fucking beautiful ngl (Hector should open his eyes honestly😏) I really really love those locksreens you made, all of them. You have a good taste in aesthetic. I hope I can reach 1% of your level😂 And the thing that you said you cannot choose a single player to print on the jersey? That’s the cutest shit ever, Charvi, really. I hope you get yourself a jersey very very soon. Manchester United owes you one. And good luck to the last exam. You’re gonna SMASH IT. Much love to you💙

@lidah-itsme :

The most gorgeous Italian on this planet goes to…. Teresa🥳 You don’t know how much I love the story behind the name “Lidah”. This is not only such a cool thing but also a meaningful way to represent yourself. I love it. Also your love for Liverpool and Trent amazes me every single day. You’re such a nice fan, only focus on your team in a positive way. That’s what we need on this site✊🏻 By the way, I remember you love Eden Hazard, right? Maybe we should talk about how this happens, privately👀 Much love to you 💙

@draxla :

So, Nathália, my Atleti’s and Chelsea’s mutual. Becoming part of the Blues is not in my plan but here I am. And I’m so glad that there is someone who can experience the pain with me🤣 We haven’t talked too much, but I like you and your point of view. Your thoughts are so close to mine most of the times. I feel grateful for that. At here, there are too many different opinions and finding a person who thinks the way we do is such an awesome thing. I believe you can feel it too. Thank you so much for being my friend. Hope our teams still stop disappointing us for the rest of the season🙏🏻😂Much love to you💙

@erikscn :

Let’s first talk about the Gremi thing, joking😜 But this is probably the reason why we started our conversation. So, I guess, thanks to that😂You’re talented in writing. Your work for my boy Paulo is such a beautiful masterpiece. Promise me that you will never stop showing your talent, alright? What I adore you the most, is your personality. Those stories you told me give me clues about which kinds of person you are. And this IS the Greta I LOVE😌 Don’t ever feel that you’re dumb or not good enough. Being who you truly are is the reason why you’re on this post, and he knows it too! Much love to you💙

@holdmyhopeinyourhands :

First of all, thank you for being my coolest mutual askjsanjkn🙈 I honestly never saw anyone shares their deepest thought of players like you do, Mona. Those post you dedicated to specific players are enjoyable to read💞 And your love for PSG and Roma is the most supportive I’ve ever seen. They are lucky to have a fan like you. Never stop doing what you’re doing, including writing the umbrella academy fanfic. You have the rights to decide how to manage your blog and I’ll support you no matter what✊🏻 Much love to you💙

@avsensio :

Who is the funniest person on this site? Lexi. Whose posts always make me choke? Lexi. Who is the master of using memes? Lexi. I’m not going to give more clues about how awesome this girl is🤷🏻‍♀️ I still remember our first talk. It was an unforgettable night for me. After time goes by, we found out so many mutual points, like we are both March baby, our love for France NT and we both adore Lauv’s music etc… the things we share really cannot describe by words🥰 And remember you told me to not stop what I’m doing, to not affected by others? Your words sill impact me nowadays. And now it’s my turn to tell you, do not fucking change yourself for others. Yea it’s impossible to let everyone like you but you will always have my support. ALWAYS✊🏻Much love to you 💙

@fcsonny :

Nicole💞✨ Can’t believe we met on tumblr when you were at Taiwan. I noticed you because you reblogged my post of the football journal and said you are able to understand the content. My first thought was like “oh shit there are people who can understand what I’m rambling in the journal😱” and then I thought “wait you speak Chinese?!?!?😍” so we talked and this is honestly one of the coolest experience ever, not to mention how nice you are to me. Thank you for that and next time when you visit Taiwan for the fourth time, message me in advance so I can show you around👌🏻 Much love to you💙

@paudybalas :

I’ll never ever forget that you came to my ask box and told me I’m the reason why you decided to create a football blog😭That was definitely one of the warmest compliments ever happened in my life. And you know what? You’re meant to become an awesome football blogger. I may inspire you but you are the only one to make your blog perfect and honestly, I feel like a proud mom🙈Those gifs you made are art. Those personal stories we share with each other will forever be part of the memories in my heart. You inspire me as well, Ellie🥰Thanks a lot. Much love to you 💙

@football-laeli :

Don’t want to sound dramatic but you are absolutely one of the sweetest human beings here🤧 Positive vibes only, always trying to convey some good energy and that’s amazing, Janna. Also, I’m so glad that you decided not to hide your support for you club Ajax anymore💞You changed for your boys, is there anything more powerful than this? I guess none. You’re such a sweet lady, and I wish one day all these good things you give us could all go back to you, because that’s what you deserve😉 Much love to you💙

@disappointment-fc :

So, you are a special person to me. First, you support Real Madrid and you once tried to convince me to love Sergio Ramos😂 This...is honestly quite cool and you are a nice madridista, which surprised me the most najksjnjas🙈 Second, you like Jeremy Lin (right?). Please take care of him🙏🏻Third, you are my kid and I’m your mother. You never go to bed on time, which means I could spend more time talking to you so I’ll try not to ask you to sleep early in the future👀Anyways, you’re one of the few that sent me messages first and have always been nice to me since then, including encouraging me when my team falls down. That’s the kindest gesture I could not ask for more. Thank you, Chloe💞✨Much love to you💙

@theblxefox :

I’ll never stop saying how much I thank you for inviting me join the Chelsea family👀🤧 Without you, my love for Kepa would just remain the original level (now it’s unstoppable😏) I love the way you deal with Chelsea’s disaster, being sarcastic but the love is still strong. Also, on this site, you not only care about football, but also global issues, sometimes even political aspects. You are not afraid of speaking your thoughts. Meanwhile, you stay respectful and let others convey their opinions. We need more people like you, Tommer🙏🏻 You’re that kind of person I dream to become. A kind of person who is beautiful both inside and out. Much love to you 💙

@footballgotmeoncrack :

The only person I already met in real life before having a talk online✨ This is not a coincidence, Angie, I always believe it’s not. The story happened between us is the most unique, ever. I remember you because you were nice to me at the stadium, and you are still nice to me, every second since then. Your love for goalkeepers, like Hugo, Gigi and Iker, is so pure and strong. I could not quite understand why goalies needed to be loved before I also become a fan of a goalkeeper. That’s why I admire you a lot, because you already started to protect the most important and underappreciated role on the pitch✊🏻I’m so glad that you’re able to see your team Spurs this summer. I’ll pray for you to get Hugo’s autograph or even a chance to talk to him🙏🏻You deserve it, my bestie. Also, good luck to your studying in advance. Much love to you 💙

@madtimer :

My beloved Taiwanese mutual here🥳 It’s hard to find a girl who loves football in Taiwan. That’s why I feel grateful to meet one here, not to say how sweet this girl is. Your love for BVB and Milli reminds me of my love for Atelti and Grizi. They are quite the same. Being disappointed but we never give up on them, right Lisa? And all those gifs you made, the way you support your team, is something I want the most from a football fandom (tho I still haven’t download PS because I’m too lazy skajnskj) also you are the one that writes journal related to football, like print some players’ photos and puts some thoughts on it, which makes me so happy because I’m not the only weirdo doing this👀 Anyways, thank you for always being there for me when I need someone to talk in Chinese😜 Much love to you 💙

@hazantowifey :

Potato’s wife, sometimes I really want to punch your face when you said cruel things about football but sadly😂 I can’t, because those are the truths, and you help me accept it. I will never forget that day you commented below my post saying that I’m important to you. Like, I’m shocked because we didn’t really have a lot of conversation but you already regard me as your friend. I still can’t believe it really happened to me😭 You can never make me mad, because you always know how to make my heart go like “aww” by sending me Kepa’s gifs🤦🏻‍♀️ And I HATE you for that. Hope one day we can meet in real life. Maybe go to THE 1975’s concert or a football match, Belgium vs France, so you can wear your Hazard’s jersey and I can wear my Anto’s jersey😜 I’ll look forward to that day to come. Much love to you💙

@leroysanei

My dearest 🐰 , the one that sent me messages first when I need it the most. An important person who always knows how to cheer me up. A person who will send “good morning” to me. A person that truly regards me as a real friend in her life. You take a big part in my heart, 🐰. No one can replace you. Your kindness is the reason why I opened my heart again, to make me believe that there are people I can trust on this site, to make me believe there is someone who will understand my feelings even tho they didn’t know me before🙏🏻 Except for talking about football, I love the time when we share our lives more, oh but maybe also when we are pouring our love for Kepa janskjnskdj🙈wow I really drag you into it I’m 👀 so proud of myself. Your reaction when you said you wanna dance with him in the rain, gosh this is the cutest thought EVER (oops I’m exposing you again 😬). You’re such a clever, independent woman. You’re much more amazing than you expected. Anyways, 🐰, thank you for becoming my best friend in life. Much love to you 💙

For the last one, it will go to my forever soulmate @footballffbarbiex

The one that joined me from the beginning of this journey. The one that has saved me from depression over and over again. We have been through many hard moments and shits together, which others will hardly understand. There are a lot of times when I only sent you a simple sentence, but you got it all. I don’t really have to explain anything you just know me too well. I don’t know why I’m so lucky to meet you in my life, to have you as a friend, a family. Besides being my soulmate, you’re a blessing to this fandom. First, I love your writing, a lot. You have to admit that you’re so talented at this part. That shhhh seires? Masterpiece. That Kepa’s one shot? Masterpiece. I won’t go on for the smut ones because that will expose myself ajsnjnaksjn😜 Second, you have a great interaction with your readers. You listen to their opinions, talk to them and always being so nice. We should all be grateful for those beautiful works you’ve provided to us. Third, you always care about our feelings and always being so respectful to everyone. You deserve love and love only, Amy💞 Words will never be enough to describe my thankfulness. But meanwhile I’ll never stop saying this, thank you, for being one of the most important people in my life. I’ll love you forever and ever💙💙💙

At last, thank you all those who came to my blog and left some sweet, kind messages. Thank you all for liking my stuffs, giving me encouragements or sharing your thoughts with me. It literally means a lot to me🙏🏻

It’s such a pleasure to be on here and I sincerely hope I can bring more joy and positivity to all of you in the future 💙

Love you guys so much,

Steffi

#2k followers appreciation post

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supercasey · 6 years

Text

Why I don't make many friends over the internet anymore

Alright, so, I know I've vagued about this a lot. I know I've been leaving y'all in the dark, and I'm sorry for that. I thought I could hold this all in until it went away, but she isn't going away, and I don't want to be angry anymore; I just want to move on and get better.

So yeah... This is why I don't try to make friends online anymore. This is why I don't talk online much at all. This is what happened. Take it as you will, all I ask is that you understand that I'm at my limit with this person, and I ask that you please don't harass her once you realize all that went down (if you even figure out who she is. She's sorta... infamous in the RvB fandom, and not in a good way). I just want her to leave me alone, and starting a fight won't solve this mess.

It started with a bad fanfic that I wrote.

...

I will not say the name, but I wrote it for RvB and it was... a vent story. On my alternate account. About... gross shit. I double guessed posting it at all but I was determined to vent about my fucking issues, and this seemed like the best way to do so. And, surprise surprise... It's my most well received RvB fic, and I'm not even taking full credit for it.

To make it simple, it's about age regression. No, it is not sexualized. No, I don't get off on it. Yes... I age-slide. I hate it. It hasn't happened in a bit here, but I still hate it, so I made a fic where the characters are forcibly made to age-slide and it's written out as the psychological horror that it's meant to be. Except... there was always this one Anon, the one consistently rooting for the villains. Even when the heroes were rescued, they begged for more time with the heroes kidnapped and abused. They loved their "pwecious wittle babies UwU" and wanted nothing more but for the torture to continue.

I... humored them. I joked and bantered, but nothing was done. I never undid the rescue, and while the characters were still very much suffering from the results of their kidnapping, they were actively recovering, and I loved it. The small crowd of regulars I had following my story were pleased, and always willing to give me support. I felt validated. I felt good knowing that I was able to expose age-sliding in a way that wasn't grossly sexualized or enjoyed. While the characters were happy at times, it was a naive happiness, and it was made clear that what was happening wasn't safe or okay.

A few months pass without an update. I've grown a bit tired of the story, still plagued by self doubtful fears of my work being perceived as some sexual bastardization of a story. Then, one day, I get a message on Tumblr. I don't recognize the username but... they found me out. They knew it was me writing the story (to be fair my style kinda stands out in the fandom, not to mention that I'm bad at lying) and they wanted to talk about it. I was, of course, fucking terrified. But, to my utter surprise... they liked it. And they wanted to discuss my thoughts on it!

I was estatic! Finally, someone who understood! Someone who I could talk to about this horror story that means so much to me! However, it soon became clear that we interpreted the story... very differently. Where I used it as a means of venting and exposing the trauma of unwillingly regressing at a moment's notice, my newfound "friend" loved the "baby fantasy" and wanted to "adopt" the main characters, especially the boy.

I kinda just... enabled it. No, I encouraged it. I was so desperate for a friend, I actively wrote little things for her where the age-sliding was more consensual/enjoyable, all while wishing for it to go back to being an insight on abuse. But it never was about that; it was about fulfilling her needs and making a baby doll for her to fantasize about.

Before long, we had been chitchatting back and forth for a few months, and eventually over a year. I was happy, or at least, I convinced myself that I was. I struggled to respond regularly so it wasn't that bad, right? I wasn't always around her so I couldn't be that upset, right? Time passes, I idly mention having an online friend to my family and they, the loving family that they are, support me. They're amazed that the loner of the family has finally made an actual online friend.

Suddenly, talk of meeting face to face becomes commonplace. She's in Washington and I'm in Michigan, so I figure it's never gonna happen. I'm wrong. The year is 2018, and February's just hit. Talk of RTX has started, and I, a shy little RvB fan with hardly any money, know I'm not going. But my friend is. She's excited, already telling me about her plans, when she suddenly asks if I'm going.

I of course say no. I mean, come on, I'm not even close to rich enough to pay for a whole trip across the US. But my friend is... insistent. I make if clear that I can't afford it, and out of the blue, she offers to take me. No strings attached, no payment on my part (except of course for merch), just bring... me.

I'm of course floored. RTX? Really? My siblings and I have always wanted to go, ever since we started with AH videos. But here it is, right in front of me. An opportunity to go to the biggest convention I've ever heard of, and she... really wasn't taking no for an answer. I tell her that I'll think about it, that I need time to figure it out. She assures me that it's fine, take all the time I need. I tell my family about the offer, about how I've known her for over a year and trust her (I don't, but I'm too afraid to admit it). Mom's scared, but at the promise of a video call with my friend, she chills out. Dad's supportive, but also a bit worried. My siblings are over the moon, excited for me and raring to someday go as well.

It's obvious, right? Now I have to go. After all, my friend HAS to have someone go with her, and no one else she knows wants to go. After all, my siblings have always wanted to go, and it would be shitty to say no when they'd say yes in a heartbeat. After all, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and really, who wouldn't?

I say yes. I save all the money I can, my dad video chats her, and then... I'm off. I fly to Texas (I insisted on buying my own plane ticket). Up to that point I had never left my family before, not for over forty-eight hours, and yet here I was, leaving for over a week. My therapist, my parents, and my siblings were all cheering for me to go, to get out of my comfort zone and do the thing I never should've been able to do.

I didn't have the heart to tell them that I was scared I wouldn't come home alive.

I land in Austin, Texas the day before RTX begins. I meet her in the airport. I'd already seen her face before, so I wasn't exactly surprised, but I felt safer seeing she was a bit heavier. I could outrun her, if need be. I could get away, if she tried to take me. Unless I was in headspace. Unless I was a little fucking baby. Unless I was sliding and woke up on a one way trip to Washington-

I shook my head. No, I thought. No, I'll be okay. Stop being paranoid, Ted, it's all in your fucking head. Again. Paranoid motherfucker.

We got to our hotel room, and after a long day of walking around and exploring Austin, we called it an early night, eager for tomorrow's adventures.

It was fun, at least at first. She got me a platinum badge, so we got a garanteed spot everywhere we went. There was a cool-ass rec room for platinum badge wearers where we could chill in-between events. I stuck close to her, as she's been to RTX a thousand times over, and I felt like it was going to be okay. That night, I streamed all of Nomad of Nowhere, and intended on going to the panel the next day. Unfortunately, things took a... bad turn.

You see, my friend had enemies. People she believes are "heartless abusers who are evil and cannot be trusted", especially not near me. Well, I'm a dumbass, and I can't keep track of everyone in her fucking burn book (too many names to count). Cue a mutual from Tumblr contacting me, wishing to finally meet me in person (I made a post about being at RTX and they saw it). I, of course, agreed.

Later, I nonchalantly mention that I'm going to meet up with a mutual at the RvB panel. She asks who it is. Still unaware of the shift in my friend's mood, I casually say the username. She goes white.

"I'm sorry, did you say [INSERT NAME]?"

"Uh... Yeah? Is that... bad?"

Holy. Fucking. Shit. She loses it, sobbing like I shot her dog. Empathetic little bastard that I am, I also begin to cry, begging to know what's wrong. Cue a lot of "How could you!?"s Followed by me desperately apologizing, still completely in the dark.

Apparently, my mutual? Her worst enemy. Number one. They who must not be named. And me, a dumbass with PTSD induced memory issues, did not remember the one time she mentioned them. So now I'm fucked, in-between a sobbing friend and a promise to meet a mutual. I've gotta fix this, and fast. I was scared, and in a panic, I promised her that, no, I'm not meeting to "be their friend". I'm just... seeing what they look like! So I can protect my REAL friend!

This all felt very dramatic, and honestly a tad juvenile. Here we were, me just shy of twenty, and her over twenty-one. I felt like I was in second grade, promising not to be friends with anyone else on the playground. Hell, I was still in the dark as to what this person had fucking DONE.

Later, we meet. My mutual is, unsurprisingly, incredibly nice and sweet. We compliment each other's writing in the back of the room after the panel, all while I know my friend is watching from afar, glaring at us. I make it quick, too scared to get in trouble, and then it's over. I felt like such an asshole, blowing my mutual off, but I was afraid of the lion a few feet away, ready to pounce and maim me.

Afterwards, I was grilled about our talk. What'd we talk about? What did they say? Was that laughing she heard? Were we laughing at her? *Gasp* Am I turning on her!? Oh, she knew it, she knew it! I'm an ABUSER! Another monster!

This, of course, gets me crying. I'm empathetic as all hell and as a result I'm unfortunately prone to taking on other's emotions. She knows this. We get out of there, but the tension is high. She has a panel only she's interested in, so I stay alone in the hotel room.

Again, I made the most of it. I binged all of Nomad of Nowhere for the first time, and it was enough to calm me down. Delighted, I discovered that the panel for NoN would be the next day, around noon. When my friend returned, I was quick to fill her in, begging if we could go. She smiled, and promised we would. I fell asleep quickly that night, momentarily forgetting the drama for a bit.

The next morning, my friend's dead quiet. I ask if she's alright, and I'm repeatedly assured that she's fine. We reach the convention center around 8AM, and agree to meet up at 11 so we can catch the NoN panel together. I run off to wander and explore, and my friend goes off on her own for awhile.

For two hours, I'm chill. Everything's super. I talk to cosplayers and I listen to my music, and at around 10AM... I get a worrying text from my friend. I'm not going to post screenshots (because they're out of context/confusing/taking screenshots for a call out makes me feel shitty) but it started as her repeatedly saying how her enemy was "ruining the con for her" and how she was crying. I immediately start looking for her, but I have no idea where she is. Just as I'm getting ready to check the hotel, she sends me this:

"I'm writing down a statement!" ((Reporting my mutual))

I panic. I'm fuckin' bolting through the con, looking for the help desk. I'm crying, I'm shaking, I'm scared I'm gonna pass out. Thankfully, I find a guardian. She leads me to the help desk and there my friend is, crying her eyes out while filling out a form to report her enemy for... existing. And being "mean" to her on Tumblr. Yeah.

I was still kinda having a panic attack when this occurred, so it's kinda blurry at bits. I remember sitting on the floor next to her (there weren't a lot of chairs and I didn't want to be rude and ask for one) and rubbing her back. I gave her my extra Arizona green tea because it was still cold and had honey in it.

The guardians praised me, saying I was a great friend. I felt like the scum of the earth.

Awhile passed. She filled out her form, and after the guardians checked over her "screenshot evidence", they told her there was nothing they could- or should- do. They chilled her out and told her it was HER con, and to not let some bully get in the way of it. Tearfully, I apologized over and over again. They just smiled and assured me that it was fine. It wasn't.

We almost missed the NoN panel. Almost. I wonder, sometimes, if that was intentional.

I should mention now, while I have the chance, that I was keeping contact with my older brother through all of this. When I was sitting on the floor panicking, I texted my brother for advice. He offered to talk to my friend about this (I knew exactly how that would go, considering how my friend was), and I just... cried. Cried and begged him not to make my friend mad. He didn't, but I could tell he was willing (and wanting) to tell her off.

The rest of the convention went... bumpy. There were a few more meltdowns, but overall, I survived. We went to the airport early (because I was afraid) because there was nothing to do, and after she left to wait for her flight... I felt safe again. I breathed in. I breathed out. If I cried, all the more reason to leave early.

Back home, life returned to normal. My older brother was worried about me, but I blew him off in favor of trying to be like him and have a successful online friendship. I was not backing down. People are sensitive sometimes, right? It doesn't matter that her reasons for hating my mutual are inaccurate and fake. I'm her friend. It doesn't matter that she scares me. She took me to RTX. It doesn't matter that I'd rather die than keep talking to her when all she does is make me afraid. I owe her. She's been nothing but kind. I'm just a selfish, greedy little bastard that needs to be grateful and stop questioning this.

It gets worse. Now she wants to know everything about me. She wants to hear every detail of my trauma, every moment of fear or weakness. I tell her I'm scared, and not ready.

"Just a little, sweetie. Just tell me a bit. How am I supposed to be your friend if I don't know what's damaged you? How am I supposed to have you if you keep running to your big brother?"

So... I told her everything. I tried to keep it small, but lord knows I'm an oversharing mess. The minute I start, I can't stop. She knows that. A few hours and it's all typed out; my heart, my soul, my damaged bastard of a body. She says she loves me. She says she'll take care of me forever. I tell her I need a break, and for over two weeks I'm mentally fucked, drifting in and out of headspace, struggling to coexist with my dug up trauma. I'm drowning. I'm scared.

While all of this occurred, my friend took it too far. When discussions of next year's RTX came up (always from her. I'm never going back there, not with her, maybe never again), she balked at the thought of me bringing my siblings (with them paying for themselves of course).

Mostly, she feared my brother. She caught wind of his suspicions, and immediately began to try and convince me that my brother was Bad, and he was gonna Hurt Her. Didn't I promise to protect her? Didn't I promise to keep her safe? Now's the time, Ted, chop chop! Your best friend needs you!

Except... she was a dumbass to think I'd ever turn on my brother. One night, after all of this; after telling her everything about me, after sharing my deepest traumas, after refusing to turn against my brother... She went off. She began mass texting me, accusing me of abusing her, of being a monster. How could I? How could I be so mean and terrible? That must make me an abuser, and all abusers are the same! Evil!

I was... shocked. And hurt. And crying. I broke down, and finally- fucking finally- I told my brother everything. About the emotional abuse, about the pressure, about the guilt... I must've talked for two hours straight, just flipping out. By the end, I was ready to do what I needed to do, and with my brother's support... I cut ties. I told her I was done.

Three days later (she always texted back right away, so I knew she was giving me time to wonder what she'd do) she responded with a "I think we need a break from each other :/ we're both pretty terrible, huh? :/// Mostly you but whatever bye ://///"

Since then, I've been trying to get better. She still sometimes does things in order to remind me that she's around and stalking my Tumblr (sent a few messages before she abruptly deleted the blog she used to talk to me (still has her main), passive aggressively messaged me for a spell, finally made me lose my cool by harassing my sister, etc) but I'm trying to ignore it.

I know this is a lot... but they're hard lessons to learn, and I'd much rather you all learn them through my stupid actions before you get hurt or cornered: Not everyone online is your friend. Just because they say they love you doesn't mean they love YOU. Trust your fucking gut before you drag your ass onto a plane because someone told you to. And most importantly of all... Not everyone you're told to hate is bad, because guess what? Everytime I've been down, been questioning shit, or just vented, do you know who's almost always responded? The very mutual I was told was evil. And you know what else? I found out every fuckin' thing my ex said about them was a straight up lie; every screenshot was fake/out of context, and every "abusive" word was from my ex, not my mutual.

So yeah... I know better now, Natalie. I hope that if you see this, you actually try and get help. You need to realize that you don't own people, and that you can't force everyone who doesn't adore you to be an antagonist in your story... all you're doing is hurting yourself. I never lied when I said I loved you; I still sorta do, even after what you've done to me. I fucking love you, Natalie, and it's because I love you that I'm getting away from you. Please oh please get yourself actual help, before you make things any worse for yourself.

Sincerely, Ted.

#so yeah here's my dirty fucking laundry #i wish i could truly just move on but this drama keeps rearing it's ugly head and i hate it so much #supercasey says shit #supercasey ramblings #i hope you all don't hate me for this #long post #i didn't cover everything but this is the jist of it

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cynicallystiles · 6 years

Text

Beach Sunrises: Aftertaste

Author: @cynicallystiles

Warning: MAJOR angst chapter, if you couldn’t already tell by the title. Maybe fluff? Knowing me probably cursing. Jealousy, perhaps?

Pairing: Shawn Mendes x Reader

Summary: While on tour one day, Shawn sees a woman watching the sunrise by herself. Thinking that he’ll never see her again, he tries to forget as he goes on with the rest of his day. But, serendipity seems to have other ideas…

Notes: Yo, this is hella late. But, like I’ve been so busy preparing to go back to college and working but also going to see Charlie Puth and Hailee Steinfeld and that was an experience! But, this is hella long and I actually maybe like it? ONLY TWO CHAPTERS LEFT AFTER THIS FOR THE SERIES. PLEASE REBLOG OR COMMENT if you like it! I always welcome messages and asks about my work! Enjoy!

Abbreviations: y/i/h = your Instagram handle

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 9 Part 11

Words: 10,375

First P.O.V.

I clear my throat and smile shyly before taking my dishes to the sink. Liyah is right. I think I really do feel that strongly about him. I've just been really scared to admit it. It's scary that I've only known him for a year and a half, but I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him.

I haven't had the best luck with romance in the past. And a little part of me has been paranoid that this was all some long ruse just to get me into bed. He's not like that though. I'm sure of it. I just need to stop dragging my insecurities from my past relationship into this one.

After I finish washing my dishes, I head to Shawn's room and sit down on the bed with my laptop. I've been working on something as well as the music videos for a little while. Originally I was gonna save it for his birthday or something. But, I think I should give it to him tonight.

I'm clicking away at the keys when Liyah opens the door abruptly. My shoulders jump as I pull my headphones off and look up at her. "Knock much?" I chuckle.

"Sorry," she says hurriedly. "But, we found the channel he's gonna be on. He's on in fifteen minutes! C'mon!" She waves her hand for me to follow her. I shake my head with a grin and save the file I'm working on.

I wander into the living room where they're all in their respective seats facing the TV. Manuel and Karen are in two of the comfy chairs and Liyah is sitting dead center on the couch. Upon seeing me, she scoots to her left and pats on her right for me to sit down.

I flop down next to her causing her to sink into me and we begin laughing. It's interrupted by the sound of my phone going off. I check the ID and answer with a surprised tone. "Hey!"

"Hi, y/n! Oh, it's so good to talk to you again!" Her chipper voice causes me to smile with a slight blush.

I nod even though she can't see me. "Yeah, it is! So to what do I owe the pleasure of your call, Hailee?" Next to me, I can see Liyah's eyes widen. She mouths 'Hailee Steinfeld?!' and I nod with a silent giggle.

"Well, if I recall correctly," she laughs slightly before continuing. "Someone promised to keep me updated on what she's doing for her big documentary project to get into film school!"

I groan playfully. "I'm sorry!" She giggles on the other end. "In my defense, I haven't updated you because I've been busy with Shawn's music videos. And because I don't actually have any ideas yet..." I bite my lip nervously. Before now, I didn't realize that I was so close to needing a subject for my documentary.

"Figures he's the one hogging all of your awesomeness!" I roll my eyes as she continues. "But, I'm actually glad you don't have anything yet because..." she pauses for a beat before finally speaking again. "I was thinking that you could do your documentary on me!"

"On you?? Are you serious? I don't even know what to say to that..."

Her laugh is light on the other end of the line. "Well...you could say yes! You could start right after you graduate for the start of my tour...and you'll have a full camera crew at your disposal to film and take pictures. It's a paid gig..."

"Hailee! Oh, my gosh. Paid?" I ask and she confirms. "I couldn't possibly...I'm just an amateur..."

She sighs. "Y/n, c'mon! After seeing what you did with those music videos...I didn't want anyone else to do this. You are my first choice because you're incredible! Please say yes?" She pouts.

"Wow, Hailee...I don't know...I kind of had plans for the summer..." I admit as I think about Shawn and I's agreement. He finishes his tour and I graduate. Then, we can see where it goes. "...with Shawn..."

It's quiet for a moment and I think maybe we've been disconnected. "Y/n. I know that you probably want to give things a shot with Shawn once you're both not busy...but think about this. For starters, this is your big break into film school. I can feel it. Do you really want to put it off when Shawn won't do the same?"

"Wait, what do you mean?" I question her anxiously. My heart thumps loudly in my chest.

"You seriously haven't thought about it?" She asks. At my silence, she sighs heavily and continues with a sincere tone. "I mean...you're putting off a really great job to be available for a relationship with him. And yeah...maybe he'll be available for the first couple of weeks, but something will come up. A show, a press event...an interview..."

My eyes briefly flicker to the TV where Shawn will be in a few minutes before back at my lap. "And?" I whisper sadly.

"And he will take it. Regardless of what you were in the middle of, what plans you had...he'll take it because he doesn't know how to stop working," she explains. "And I'm not saying you can't make it work...because a lot of people do. But, how are you supposed to see if it'll work while both of you are juggling your careers?"

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "You're right. But...I still need to think about it. Talk to him too..."

"I understand. Take your time. But, I gotta know by mid-May if you're not doing it so I can find someone else..." I tell her that I'll let her know. "And y/n? Don't forget that you are just as talented as he is. You deserve a shot at your dream too."

I clear my throat. "Thanks, Hailee. I'll keep that in mind. Talk to you soon."

We hang up the phone and I turn to see Liyah staring at me expectedly. I furrow my eyebrows quizzically and she starts freaking out. "What was all that about?!"

"She wants me to direct and edit the documentary for her upcoming tour..." I say simply.

"What?! And you told her you had to think about it?? Oh my gosh, you have to do it! Maybe you could visit my school for career day and Hailee could drop by...ugh! It'd be so much cooler than Shawn showing up..." she rambles causing me to giggle.

The TV says something about Shawn and we turn toward it. "We'll discuss it later, Liyah," I promise her. She thanks me excitedly as we give our full attention to the interview beginning.

My heart flutters wildly as he sits down across from the interviewer. All of last night is replaying in my head. Liyah grabs the remote and turns the volume up as the cheering dies down. "Shawn, we're so glad you could make it on such short notice!"

"I'm happy to be here!" He chuckles as his cheeks turn pink.

She shuffles some papers then continues. "I'm just gonna jump right in. Earlier this week you dropped the videos for not one but two new songs...and they're doing quite well."

"Yeah...honestly I was a little bit worried at first. So, I'm glad that fans are liking them," he admits light-heartedly. All I can think about is what he meant by that. He said he trusted me completely with it so why would he be worried?

She says something about his worries being misplaced and plays a small clip from each. Fanning herself with her papers, she turns back to Shawn. "Well, those were some steamy scenes you had to shoot..." He nods as he swallows. "If I'm not mistaken...you had y/n, your best friend, direct and edit the videos?"

"Yes. She was phenomenal about it all. Came up with the concepts by herself, directed the whole thing, edited it together..." he lists off as the host finishes for him.

"It looks like she also starred in it! What was that like? Shooting those kinds of scenes with such a close friend...did she plan it that way?"

He shakes his head defensively. "No, nothing like that! She had hired an actress, but I was having some anxiety about it and convinced her I'd be more comfortable doing it with her."

"And that didn't...stir up any romantic feelings for each other?" The crowd begins to whistle and my cheeks flush pink as I wait for his answer. He just shakes his head. "Rumor has it you skipped the Grammys because she was sick..."

He shrugs. "Yeah...I got a little worried because it's the first time since we became friends that I'd heard her be that sick. It didn't feel right to go to the Grammys without her. But, we're just friends."

"Are you sure? Because she's obviously quite a talented and gorgeous woman. And you've included her in a lot of career-related things since you've met like your album release party, the festival tour, your music videos ...it just begs the question of why..."

He rolls his eyes a bit and I can tell he's tiring of the subject. "Yes, she's very talented and she's very beautiful. I trusted her with the videos because she's incredible at what she does and smart. As for the rest...I like having her company. Ever since the first night I met her, she's always fun to have around."

"I'm still not hearing why you two aren't a thing. You say she's smart and attractive and fun to have around. You say you were more comfortable doing the videos with her than a paid actress...it raises some suspicions, Shawn."

He sighs, barely glancing at the camera before back at the hostess. "I was comfortable doing the videos with her because of the fact that I'm not attracted to her in that way. She's a great friend to me but...not the kind of woman I want to be in a relationship with."

My features fall flat and I swallow the lump in my throat. Did he really just say that? I can feel all of his family's eyes on me. But, mine are glued to the screen as I wait for what else he says.

"And what makes you say that?" The interviewer asks as she nods contemplatively.

He shifts in his seat and pulls the features of his face into a lighthearted look. "Look, she's sweet. She really is. But, she's not exactly a relationship kind of girl. She's serious about school, and her job. But, when it comes to relationships? She's not serious about them..."

A heaviness fills my lungs and my ears feel muffled. Liyah lays a tentative hand on my shoulder while the interviewer continues. "How so?"

"She just got a lot of...baggage. Family history, past relationships, insecurities...stuff like that. I think that's part of why she isn't up for serious relationships. She's the perfect girl to have around when you want to have fun and have a good time...but she's not a long-term girl."

My mouth falls open as I choke on my breath. I feel the tears start to spill onto my cheeks and I don't know how to make them stop. Liyah is trying to comfort me as I stand up slowly and Karen tries to say something as I walk past her. But, I can't hear any of it. All I hear is a sharp ringing as if someone hit me over the head.

I enter Shawn's room and lock the door. A small whine escapes my lips and I try to choke it down. I walk around and gather my things quickly, almost as if I'm on autopilot. Looking at my laptop sitting on the bed, my features contort as I'm overcome with pain. I eject the CD that I was working on and put it in a case.

Staring at the words I had written on the cover, my grip tightens. I take a deep breath as my hand shakes in anger. How could I be so stupid? I swing my arm and the case hits a wall before hitting the floor somewhere. I gather the rest of my things after getting dressed and head to the front door.

"Y/n, sweetie. Just wait a second," Karen says in a maternal voice. "Why don't you just wait until he gets back to talk about it, yeah?"

I shake my head as I wipe tears with the sleeves of my hoodie. No, Shawn's hoodie. I had forgotten that I was wearing it. It smells like him and I hate it. But, he could be home any minute and I don't want to be here when he gets back.

"I'm pretty sure I've heard what he really thinks...so I'm just gonna go home," I warble. "Liyah, just let me know when career day is and I'll see what I can do." With a sad look at everyone, I exit the building and get in my waiting Uber to the airport.

The drive there was pretty agonizing. I couldn't keep it together for more than five seconds before falling apart. I could tell that the driver was very concerned about it. Thankfully, they kept to themselves though.

The flight was long (or at least it felt like it) and definitely weird as people kept looking at my disheveled state. As soon as I got off the plane, I turned my phone back on and all the texts from Shawn came through. I could barely keep it together while reading them.

Shawn: Hey, where'd you go?

Shawn: My parents said you went home...are you okay?

I roll my eyes at the message. My blood boiling replaces the feeling of sadness. Is he seriously gonna continue to play this game? He already got what he wanted. There's no need to pretend anymore.

Shawn: C'mon, y/n. We didn't even get to Half-Blood Prince yet...

I finally lose my resolve and tap away at my phones keys as I stand near the where I just got off. Pressing send, I head to baggage claim. I block his number to stop getting his incessant calls and texts. And I block him from all of my social media. Even my Euterpe Instagram. I'm done with this.

Me: I saw the interview, Shawn. I wish I could say that I was surprised. And I really was at first. But, deep down I knew that this was all some big put on to sleep with me. So congratulations. You got the hard to get girl. Check it off your stupid pop star fuck it list. But, stop pretending like it was all real. And this whole message is probably for nothing because you don't actually care but...you really had me going. Thinking I found someone who actually wanted me for more than that...thinking you loved me. Guess I'll just add this to all the 'baggage from past relationships.' Goodbye, Shawn.

It was definitely hard to say all that and to get rid of any contact for good. But, I'm not gonna wallow in it.

As I'm waiting for my bag to come up on the belt, a few girls come up to me, phones hugged tightly to their chest.

"Um...hi, can I help you?" I ask politely, my voice a little stuffy from crying still.

They whisper to each other urgently and excitedly before they turn back to me. The one in the middle speaks. "You're y/n, right?" I nod cautiously. They all squeal slightly before calming back down. "We love the music videos you were in!!! It's so exciting to see a realistic girl portrayed like that!"

"Thanks...it was Shawn's idea to not cover up everything with makeup..." I say quietly. Confusion settles in my mind. How could he have been so sweet and be so fake? He really went for the long-con.

They all gush excitedly. "Anyway...we were wondering if we could get some pictures with you?" My mouth parts slightly in surprise. I nod and one by one they get their pictures before leaving. I'm sure I look like I mess with my puffy eyes and red nose, but they didn't seem to care.

I grab my bags and head toward the exit. A few people wave at me as I pass by. I really did not think through what it would mean to be in two internationally viewed music videos. I think I probably just said goodbye to a lot of my privacy and alone time.

As I get outside, I see Anna waiting for me with my car. I hug her tightly before she helps me put my stuff in the trunk. Then, I hop into the driver's seat and head back to the hotel. She stays with me as I unpack and doesn't say much about me being home early. I find her silence suspicious.

"Okay...out with it," I say with a sigh as I sit down on my bed.

She swivels in my desk chair to look at me innocently. "Out with what?"

"You know what. I know you never liked Shawn and you're dying to say 'I told you so'...so say it," I purse my lips, waiting for her inevitable rant.

But, it doesn't come. "I don't want to say that. What kind of best friend would I be if I rubbed salt in the wound?" She asks sincerely. I smile sadly and stand up to give her a hug. She meets me halfway.

"I think I could use some popcorn and a Marvel marathon," I laugh as I pull back, my cheeks slightly wet from crying again.

Her eyes light up. "Yesss! But first..." she says as she pulls out her phone, "a selfie to commemorate you being home!" I hug into her, our cheeks pressed together and grinning as she snaps the photo.

"Okay, here! I'll edit it and post it to Insta while you make the popcorn," I offer as I take her phone. She smirks at me as she goes to make it and I open up her camera roll. I finish editing it and post it easily with a small caption about being glad to be home.

Anna is taking longer than I thought to make the popcorn so I scroll through her photos while I wait. I smile to myself as I see all of our selfies and videos at the karaoke club over the years. My thumb stops scrolling as something catches my eye. I hover over the video for a second before tapping on it. I turn the phone horizontally to watch it.

The video is dark but there are neon signs lighting up the scene. I turn the volume up and can hear the commotion as clear as the night it happened. The angle looks really familiar. Curiously I exit out of the video and look at the immediate pictures that follow it. Betrayal courses through me as she returns with the bowl and a couple of sodas.

"Hey, I figured you'd want something to drink with the popcorn. Because I know that you like it way too salty..." she trails off as she looks at me on the edge of my bed. "Everything okay?"

I look at her slowly before playing the video with the volume all the way up. I toss it on the bed as I pace the room. Her eyes widen in recognition as she sets the snacks down to go turn it off. "I can explain that! I saved that video from the news in case that guy tried to sue or something. As evidence that he started it..."

"Anna," I cut her off, "the video on your phone starts before what was on the news. Plus now that I look at it closely, it's clearly the vantage point you had from the stage."

She opens her mouth but nothing comes out. "I just..." she sighs. "I knew that you'd end up getting hurt..."

"So, you thought you'd send that video and the pictures of me and Shawn at the diner to the tabloids to scare me away from being with him?" I finish her thought as I cross my arms in a hostile stance.

She steps closer to me. "No! I sent those to scare him! To show him that his image could get messed up, and show you that he'd bail when it got bad for him," she explains desperately.

I chuckle and it's hollow. "Oh my god," I whisper as I shake my head in realization. "You released my name...Shawn swore he had no idea how it happened, neither of us could figure it out...you did it. That first news article didn't make either of us bail so you released my name..."

"No! I didn't...I mean I did...but I-"

"Why?" I look at her as I continue to inhale deeply.

She continues to stammer on, not being able to look me in the eye. "I-I was worried about you. He was gonna hurt you eventually and I was trying to make you get out sooner rather than later. Because he did...hurt you that is..."

"You thought you'd save me from being hurt by Shawn...by releasing my name and making me relive all the harassment and humiliation of those photos coming up? Nope, try again," I demand.

She groans frustratedly. "Fine! I was jealous that you started falling for him!! You told me that you couldn't date me because you weren't ready for a relationship-" she begins to yell.

"I never said that! I told you that I didn't see you as more than a friend! I cannot believe that you did this!" I cut her off.

She sighs before looking at me. "I know...I'm sorry. I got carried away and I just didn't want him to hurt you...honestly..."

"You didn't want him to hurt me so you did it first. And then he did it anyway. So now I'm double hurt. That's wonderful logic on your part," I say icily. She tries to apologize more. "No. Get out."

"But, y/n..."

"I will never forgive you for this. Get out...now," I say slowly. Her mouth parts as if she's struck by my words but she leaves without another argument. I sink onto the floor in front of my bed. Hugging my knees to my chest, I cry. I cry until I can't keep my eyes open and I fall asleep because I'm too exhausted to move to the bed.

Third P.O.V.

Shawn arrives home in good spirits after the interview and after schmoozing for a few more hours. He had no idea what awaited him when he walked through the door. Silence. Shawn had expected to come home to the sound of his family and y/n having conversations and moving about. Laughter. Music probably. But, instead, he was greeted by silence.

As he entered he saw no one in the living room or the kitchen so he began to make his way to the hallway. But as he passes by the other side of the couch, he saw that Aaliyah was lying on the couch with her headphones in. He nudges her foot with his hand and she looks at him.

If looks could kill, Shawn would have disintegrated where he stood. The death glare from her was not only scary but unwarranted. Or so he thought. "Where's everybody at?" He asks with a confused smile. But, she just rolls her eyes as she puts her headphones back in and turns her back to him.

He scrunches his features quizzically but shakes it off as he heads down the hallway. Knocking on the guest bedroom door, he waits a beat and then enters. His parents are just sitting around reading, either something on their phone or a book.

They look up as he enters and he immediately feels shame from the looks they give. "Okay...why does everyone keep looking at me weird?" He chuckles nervously.

Manuel looks at Karen because she has more of an opinion on the matter. Now, he likes y/n. She's a sweet girl and she didn't deserve for Shawn to talk about her like that on television. Or anywhere regardless of circumstances. But, he's an adult. Unlike Karen, he'd rather he figure out what he's done wrong on his own.

Karen sets her phone down on the nightstand and interlaces her fingers in her lap. "Sweetie, I love you...but how could you be so cruel? Especially to a girl as wonderful as y/n? " His perfect lips part in surprise but she continues. "She went home..."

His eyes widen and he bolts to his bedroom. As he looks around, he finds all of her stuff gone. He sends her text after text and she doesn't answer. He rushes back to his parents. "Why did she leave?"

"We saw the interview, honey," she says in quiet disappointment. "All of us." She stresses the word. As he stands there with his mind racing, it feels like an eternity passes. His blood runs cold when his phone vibrates in his hand.

He reaches out a hand to steady himself on the doorframe as the message displayed before him sinks his heart into his stomach. Oh, he really fucked up this time. He types a small response but it gets declined. He tries another. And another. "She blocked me..."

"Can you blame her?" Manuel finally says.

Shawn looks at his parents with fear in his eyes as tears pool in them. "No. No, no, no..." he mumbles to himself as he tries every other form of communication that he can think of. But, she's blocked him on everything possible. Even the Euterpe Instagram.

He needs to see her in person. He can fix this. He begins to leave when his phone rings with a few texts from Andrew. They say that the interview was so good that he's got a lot more lined up for the rest of the week that he's not on tour. Shawn tries to tell him that he has to go see y/n. But, it doesn't take much for Andrew to convince him to wait until after these interviews.

Shawn slumps down on the couch next to Aaliyah's feet. She immediately gets up and begins to walk toward the guest bedroom. "Liyah! C'mon, why are you ignoring me?"

"Only y/n gets to call me that," she says flatly as she crosses her arms.

Shawn's features contort in disbelief. "I'm your brother! Shouldn't I get the chance to explain myself?" He asks, his voice elevating in pitch with his distress.

"Not when you were an absolute jerk to one of the coolest people in the entire world. How could you be so stupid? I thought you loved her...why would you destroy her like that?" She scolds him.

He stays silent in shame. He did love her. He does. But, she wasn't ready to go public yet and the interviewer was not going to let it go. Y/n wasn't supposed to be watching, but that's no excuse for what he said. He just got carried away. Aaliyah takes his silence as confirmation.

"She loved you too, ya know," she says quietly.

Shawn's head whips up toward her. "How do you know?"

"Because of her reaction to you saying those things about her. And after you told me about her ex...it looks like you just used her and-" Shawn cuts her off.

"Do not compare me to the guy that did those awful things to her!" His skin crawls at the thought of being put in the same category as that guy.

She sighs. "I'm just telling you what it looks like from her perspective. You got close to her, slept with her-" he begins to protest but she looks at him pointedly. "Don't deny it, we all saw you two this morning...and then you basically told the whole world that she's only good enough to be your friend with benefits...and the pictures of her are just making rumors worse-"

"What pictures?" He questions. Aaliyah looks down and Shawn presses her. "What rumors, Aaliyah??"

She sighs and looks at the ceiling before sitting down next to him and pulling up her Twitter. Silently, she scrolls through y/n's page until the pictures come up. Y/n is at home in the airport with a few fans. They smile brightly and she tries to match them, but the happiness isn't there. She's all red-nosed and puffy-eyed. Shawn's heart crumbles when he sees his pink hoodie surrounding her.

Then, Aaliyah scrolls down in the comments so Shawn can read them. A lot of them are saying awful things. Half about y/n. Half about Shawn.

"OMG she's wearing the pink hoodie. They totally hooked up in Toronto!"

"Look at her face! You can totally tell she's upset after leaving his place..."

"LMAO did she not get the memo that #FWB shouldn't catch feels?"

"Can't believe Shawn would say those mean things about someone who's supposedly his best friend..."

"Totally unstanning! #whatajerk"

"NOT my idol anymore because of how he just treated y/n!"

Shawn turns his head, unable to read the comments as they progressively get worse. Aaliyah turns off the phone and stuffs her hands into the pocket of her hoodie.

"What do I do?" He croaks, barely audible as if his voice will break.

She shrugs as she looks at her brother. His elbows rest on his knees with his head down in his hands. "I don't think you can do anything..." she says quietly. "You really effed up good this time."

"You don't think I know that?" He mumbles into his hands. He sounds so small and broken. Aaliyah's never seen him like this. He's her big brother...he always seems strong and together.

But when she puts her hand comfortingly on his shoulder, he lifts his head up to look at her. And he isn't strong and together. His cheeks are glistening from silent tears that he tried so hard to keep in. His eyes have a hopelessness in them that is uncharacteristic of him. He feels deep down that this time she's not taking him back. No matter what he does.

"Oh...Shawn..." she whispers as she wraps her arms around his neck in comfort. Immediately he hugs her tight as his shoulders shake. She can feel the tears fall onto her shoulder but she holds him just as tight.

The following days pass slowly and Shawn can't focus during any of the interviews that Andrew set up. His answers are short and disinterested and when they bring up y/n or anything related...he changes the subject. He's not gonna make the mistake of saying too much again. Not that she'd be watching anyway. He just doesn't have the energy to try and cover up his emotional exhaustion.

When he goes back to tour, it's not any better. Sure, it wasn't as bad as when she left after he slept with Camila. He was playing the keys, and he was hitting the notes. But it was so much worse on the scale of his despair. The first time they weren't dating. He felt guilty and his shame is what made him mess up all the songs.

Now...now he feels guilt and shame and loss magnified ten times over. They had dated for half a year, but he had been in love with her for longer than that. It makes him sick to his stomach that he made her feel used in that way. So the majority of the songs at his concert were all his sad ones.

Fans could feel the realness in his voice with every word. They could hear the smallest quiver on the words that hit him hardest and the way they threatened to break with the weight of his grief. Even as he would look out into the crowd of faces that he couldn't make out, they could all see the tears glossing his eyes.

Of course, more rumors floated around that perhaps they were actually more involved than he let on. Everyone noticed how miserable they both were, but neither said a word about it.

Shawn was glad when the tour finally ended and he could mope alone in his place. It was a few weeks after the tour had ended and he was shuffling around in his kitchen, eating ice cream straight out of the carton.

He sits down at the bar and hangs his head. Then, his eyes wander around his kitchen aimlessly until they come to land on the calendar hanging on his fridge. He squints when he sees the bright green circle surrounding one of the weekdays.

Immediately he gets up and walks over to it to make out the tiny lettering. Small hearts are sprinkled all around the circle and his heart stops when finally reads it. His fingers brush over the pen strokes that were clearly made by her.

Graduation!

The Day WE Really Begin!!

Shawn's eyes widen as he double checks the date. It’s tomorrow. He can't believe he actually almost forgot about her graduation. Pulling out his phone, he heads to his bedroom and makes arrangements for his flight immediately. He hastily packs a bag and finds a nearby Uber.

It doesn't take long to get to the airport and he rushes to the terminal. Everything in him is just hoping to whatever higher power that he makes it there on time. He has to be there to show her that he does love her. Otherwise, it might be the point of no return.

First P.O.V.

Sad. Frustrated. Angry. Alone.

These are just a few of the words that I would use to describe the last month after Shawn and I split. Sad that I finally had something good and it ended without a lot of closure. Frustrated because I hate that I miss him and I miss him every time I'm reminded of him. Which is all the time. Everywhere I turn there he is: on the radio, doing an interview, popping up on my social media feeds from other people. It never ends.

Angry that I let myself be played like that and also that he still manages to take over every part of my life. I feel pathetic that one song on the radio could send me into such a state that I have to pull over my car to cry. All the fans and reporters ask about him. I've yet to give a straight answer to any of them, usually just changing the subject.

Lastly, I feel alone because I am now. Before all this, I had Shawn and Anna and Xander. I do still have Xander and all the people from work, school, the club and the diner. But, it's not the same. They were the closest people I had to family and they betrayed me. Xander is being distant because he feels like it's all his fault for pushing us so hard to get together in the first place. And so I feel alone.

All that's gonna change after graduation though. I'm lying in bed, and I can hardly sleep with all the anticipation of what's to come. I've got everything I need packed, and my outfit for the ceremony is ready to go. I guess at some point in all my going over checklists in my head, I fell asleep.

I wake up and I don't feel tired. But I don't feel particularly rested either. Every fiber inside of me is jittering with anxiety. Nonetheless, I push on and get ready to graduate. I curl my hair into soft waves that flow down my back, and I do a nude Smokey eyeshadow with a shimmery peach lipstick.

Once that's done, I put in sapphire stud earrings to match my dress. The top is a black v-neck the goes to my waist. From there it slightly flares out like a tea length dress but it goes to my mid-thigh. The main color is sapphire but there's a velvet paisley pattern covering it. I'm wearing black high heels to match.

I check over myself in my mirror one last time. My eyes fall on my necklace, the one Shawn gave me for my birthday. I haven't taken it off since I got it except to take showers. Despite everything, I can't bring myself to be without it. With a final encouraging nod to myself, I head out for the college.

The commencement is taking place on the football field where everyone has worked really hard to decorate nicely. I wait in line with everyone else, and I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who is nervous. We all quiet our excited chattering when we hear the announcement to begin the procession.

I flex my hands at my side in an effort to shake off my unneeded nerves. I've been waiting for this day ever since I stepped foot on campus. As I finally step foot onto the carpet they've rolled over the grass, my eyes can't help but wander to the stands. It's late afternoon, so the sun isn't in my eyes. I don't even know who I'm looking for.

There are so many students, which means there are a whole lot of families in the stands. I wouldn't even be able to see anyone if I tried. But, then I did. An uncontrollable smile grows on my face as I see Xander in the crowd with a sign that's cheering me on. Even though all I'm doing is walking. I can see Anna next to him and I try not to frown or let it ruin my day.

I have to turn back around to find where I'm sitting before I can find any other familiar faces. The commencement is long and for most of it, I'm just twiddling my thumbs in my lap. Finally, the walking across the stage part begins. My row stands up when it's our turn and we slowly make our way to the side of the stage.

As I'm waiting, my phone buzzes in the pocket of my dress. I maneuver my hand inside my robe to discreetly pull it out. I'm at the end of the line, so I have a little bit of time to kill. My eyes skim over the messages.

Hailee: You look absolutely gorgeous! Can't wait to see you walk across! Xoxo

My head whips up toward the stand with my brows furrowed in confusion. I can't make out anyone specific so I just text her back.

Me: Wait...are you at my graduation right now? 😱

The three little dots appear on the screen.

Hailee: Maybe...lol I couldn't resist! I'll find you afterward!❤️

I roll my eyes with a playful smile on my lips. Hailee actually came to my graduation even though she's busy preparing for her world tour. I move forward in line as I look at another message.

Nick: Should you be texting and walking in the middle of your graduation? You could definitely trip in those shoes...

Me: OMG you're here too?!?

Almost instantly, he replies.

Nick: Like I would miss it! Although no one told me the dress code...I feel like I'm both overdressed and underdressed at the same time 😅

Nick: I think I just saw a guy wearing cargo shorts with a neon shirt...

Me: Lol...it's the west coast! People dress for the weather, not the occasion. Shouldn't you know that? 😂

Nick: Don't judge me...it's rainy in Washington...we wore pants and jackets a lot. Anyway, looks like you're up next! See you after!

I put my phone back in my pocket just as my name is about to be called. With a deep breath and a nervous smile, I walk up the steps and start across the stage. I come to the middle and stop to take my diploma with one hand while shaking the dean's hand with my other. We pause for a picture and I turn out to the crowd to hold up my diploma with a beaming grin.

I can hear my small group of friends cheering loudly while everyone claps. My heart is filled with pride at my own accomplishment until it sinks. The sudden heaviness of my heart makes my smile falter and so I move my tassel to the other side of my cap while I continue off the stage. I make my way back down to my seat where we all remain standing. I know whom I've been looking for.

I've been looking for Shawn. I don't know why I would be looking for him because I'm still hurt and humiliated by what he said. But, I don't know. Some part of me was hoping he'd show up and say he's sorry and then I'd know that I actually meant something to him. It was a foolish hope. I never meant anything to him but being a challenge.

All my doubts about leaving have dissipated. I shake out of my disappointment and become excited about the future as the commencement comes to a close. The final remarks are said and we all burst into cheers as we launch our caps into the air. My heart swells and I can't believe I actually did it.

The field turns into a flurry of activity as families come down to get pictures. Instead of getting caught in the mess, I make my way around the edge of the field to the parking lot. I lean against my car as I wait for Xander to come find me. It’s not long before he’s rushing over to me, nearly knocking me over as he pulls me into a bear hug.

“Ahhhhh!! You’re finally a college graduate! How does it feel??” He giggles excitedly.

I hug him back tightly. “It feels pretty good.” I grin as we part. After a brief pause, I continue, “I saw Anna with you. Did she leave?”

“Yeah...she wanted to see you walk but she knows you don’t want to see her,” he admits.

I nod my head slowly. At least she’s respecting my boundaries. Can’t say she’s had much respect for anything else. My name is called by a happy voice and I perk up as she approaches. “Hailee! Ugh, I can’t believe you came!” I squeal as she pulls me into a warm hug.

“Of course, I came! My girl just graduated!” She giggles and her smile is radiant. I can’t help but notice that she is the literal embodiment of perfection and effortless beauty.

I return the grin, a small blush tinting my cheeks. My attention is caught by yet another person calling my name. I turn around and see Nick strolling over with his hands in his pockets. He wasn’t kidding when he said he might be overdressed.

“Ohhh, my god,” I chuckle as I bring my interlocked fingers up to my nose. “It’s eighty degrees out! Why are you wearing a blazer??”

He pulls on the lapels with finesse. “What? You don’t think I look dashing?” He teases as he finally stops in front of me.

“You look dashing in anything,” I smirk as I brush nothing in particular off of his shoulders before resting my hands there. “But, it’s a little extra for the weather. Hand it over,” I demand playfully.

He rolls his eyes but complies. “Better?” He asks with an exasperated tone. But, the smile tugging at the corner of his lips says he’s anything but tired of my antics.

“Much!” I beam up at him even though I’m wearing tall heels. “C’mere, you,” I request as I hold my arms open.

He cracks a smile and it’s a smile that fills me up with butterflies and warmth. As he pulls me into him by my waist he buries his nose into my hair. “It’s been too long. I actually kind of missed you,” he mumbles below where anyone else can hear.

“Gee, thanks,” I scoff before we break apart. After a small lingering glance, I clap my hands together. “So...Xander are we gonna go to the party you planned or...?”

He throws his hands up in defeat. “I swear. Why I bother trying to surprise you with anything is beyond me!” We all burst into laughter at his statement. He sighs, “Well, let’s get going!”

Hailee and Nick ride with me back to the hotel, while Xander drives his own car. Once there, we head the smallest of our three ballrooms. As we walk in we see decorations and people already milling about. Immediately, I shed my gown into a seat and head to the dance floor.

We all dance through the night, having way too much fun. Xander got a cake for me which turned out to taste fantastic. Somehow, Nick and I managed to start an icing war. As of right now, I’m the winner because I have no icing on me yet. I think I’ve lost him in the crowd when I stop to talk to Hailee.

“So...got everything packed and ready to go for tomorrow?” She inquires as she licks some icing off of her fork.

I try to catch my breath as I respond. “Yes, ma’am. I’m ready to catch a flight with you in the morning to the start of your tour. And from there...the world!” I say dramatically which causes her to giggle.

“I’m really glad you decided to do the documentary. I know we’re gonna have so much fun!” She gushes happily.

I open my mouth to respond, but the words are cut off by icing being wiped over my mouth messily. “Eek!” I squeal in surprises before swallowing the buttercream frosting that got on my tongue. Nick pops his head over my shoulder to see the damage.

“Yes! We’re tied now,” he announces proudly.

I smirk despite my frustration at getting caught. “Is that so?” He nods confidently as he fully comes to stand beside Hailee and I. “Well, we’ll just have to see about that...”

“Bring it on...” he challenges as he bobs his head side to side in a sassy manner.

I cross my arms. “When you least expect it, Robinson. When you least expect it,” I whisper playfully.

“So, what are your big plans for being a college graduate?” He asks interestedly.

I grab a napkin and begin dabbing at the icing on my lips in between speaking. “I’m directing and editing Hailee’s world tour documentary,” I say simply.

“Aw, bummer...I was hoping to spend time with you now that you have a little free time,” he admits shyly.

I tilt my head to the side as I stick out my bottom lip in a cute pouty manner. “Me too. Whatever will I do without you telling me obscure eighth-grader myths?” He puts a hand over his heart as if he’s been shot and I giggle.

“You could come with us if you want to,” Hailee suggests. At my surprised look she continues, “I mean that is it you're not too busy to travel the world with the single-most incredible woman on the planet.”

He nods his head approvingly. “Alright, I’m game,” he agrees. My eyes widen.

“Y-you are?” I ask timidly.

He shrugs his shoulders. “I mean why not? It’ll be fun, right?”

“Oh! Totally,” I agree nervously. “I should go to the bathroom to get the rest of this off,” I say as I gesture to the icing on my cheek. After excusing myself, I head out the main doors and down the hallway to a bathroom.

Before I get very far, there’s a hand on my shoulder turning me around. “Is everything okay? You looked kind of sick...” Nick asks with concerned etched in every syllable.

“Yeah! I’m great, I just don’t want the frosting to stain my skin,” I lie.

Apparently, he can sense it. “Look, if this is about Hailee inviting me on the tour...I don’t have to-“

“It’s not that,” I interrupt him as I look anywhere but his gorgeous eyes.

He steps closer, towering over me since I took off my heels to dance. “Then, what is it?” He places a gentle hand on my arm, his warm fingers barely sinking into my icy skin.

I sigh shakily. “I know we flirt a lot, and I like spending time with you. But I don’t want to lead you on or anything, so I’m gonna be honest...” I say hesitantly. When I glance at him and he says nothing, I continue. “Shawn and I...we were together...for several months and it was really serious...”

“But...” he connects some dots and urges me on.

One corner of my mouth pulls up into a sad half-smile. “But, we broke up...pretty recently. And it’s all still fresh in my mind so I don’t think I should be starting anything else serious for a little while,” I admit as my heart beats rapidly.

“Okay,” he says simply. I look up at him and see the small smile on his lips and the understanding in his inviting eyes.

I shake my head. “Actually...doing anything with you would be wrong because I’d just be using you as a distraction...” I say softly.

“Then...” he begins slowly as his hand traces down my arm to grasp mine. “...use me. If it helps you heal, then use me, y/n. I don’t mind...”

My eyes flick from his eyes to his plush lips. I stretch my neck and stand on my toes as my lips gravitate toward his. He cranes his neck down as his hands grip my waist firmly. The distance is swiftly closed as my fingers comb softly tangle in his hair to pull him closer. His lips are soft, yet firm and our breath is mixing in the air around us.

All I can feel right now is warm. After weeks of feeling an icy chill in the pit of my stomach, my heart is filled with a tiny ray of sunshine and the electricity is keeping me alive.

Third P.O.V.

Shawn’s been sitting in the airport for almost eight hours and the fricking sun has already risen outside. He arrived at the airport last night to find out that his plane had been delayed because of a huge storm happening in the middle of the route his plane needed to take.

His leg shakes incessantly as he waits for the overhead PA to announce some change in news. He could miss her graduation if it doesn’t leave soon. Shawn keeps running his hand through his hair anxiously. A few fans come up for pictures and he puts on a good smile for them.

But on the inside, he’s wrecked. Something deep in the pit of his stomach is telling him that he needs to be there. Like, this instant. He’s never had a feeling like that before, but he knows it’s about y/n. With nothing better to do, he checks his Instagram.

As he’s scrolling through the feed, he sees a picture he wasn’t expecting. It’s from y/n’s page. The picture is an artfully taken one. She’s standing in front of a hanging mirror and her cap and gown are hanging next to it. She holds her phone in front of her face to take the picture. The caption reads:

Graduation day is finally here! Another chapter in my life has been written, and tomorrow marks the day that I start a new adventurous one!

The hell is that supposed to mean? “A new adventurous one.” Shawn doesn’t know for sure but it unsettles him. And when did she even unblock him? He immediately gets up and goes over to an attendant.

“Excuse me? Do you know when my flight is gonna leave? It’s been delayed all night...” he explains as he hands her his ticket.

She reads over it and looks up at him. “I’m sorry sir, this flight has been canceled. All passengers are supposed to report to the ticket desk for a new flight,” she informs him professionally.

“Are you serious? How long ago was that announcement made??” He’s been listening to the PA nonstop for news like this. He wouldn’t have missed it.

She thinks for a minute. “I believe it was announced a little over three hours ago...” she says hesitantly.

Shawn groans frustratedly as he picks up his bag and rushes over to the ticket desk. He did miss the fucking announcement because he was too busy chatting with fans. Once again, his nonstop career is messing with his relationship. He arrives at the desk and waits in line for about another hour.

When it’s finally his turn, he steps up and lays his ticket on the desk heavily. “I’m still trying to go to this same place and I need to get there by like...four o’clock Pacific time,” he explains as he catches his breath.

“I’m sorry, sir. But you’ll have to take a flight that has a layover in a different city and then take a flight from there. It will not get you there by that time, unfortunately,” he says.

He breathes in before releasing it angrily. “Fine, whatever. Just get me on the next plane that does whatever you just said, please,” he demands as nicely as possible. The man gets to work typing and Shawn has to pay a pretty penny for a flight that leaves in fifteen minutes.

It’s a nonstop rush as he goes through security and boards the plane. Then, he’s forced to anxiously wait as everyone else boards and the plane takes off. After a few hours, he lands in the layover city and goes through the same process to get on the second plane. Outside his window, he can see the sky has gotten dark.

It’s another few hours before he touches down in y/n’s city and it takes him another one to catch a cab from the airport to her graduation. As he arrives, his heart sinks into his stomach at the empty parking lot. The commencement has long since been over and so he tells the driver to go to the Sunset Hotel.

They made a stop along the way so he could get her a bouquet of her favorite flowers. The cab arrives just as another cab is leaving and Shawn tips generously before heading inside. It’s the late hours of the night or early hours of the morning depending on whoever is looking at it. He’s sure he looks disheveled and like a mess, after all the hoop-jumping he had to do to even get there, but it’ll be worth it.

He enters the lobby and nervously steps up to the concierge desk where Xander is examining a book on his desk. Shawn clears his throat and he looks up. His eyebrows shoot up in quiet surprise as his eyes flick to the entrance.

“What are you doing here?” He asks guardedly.

Shawn sighs chest heavy with guilt and sadness. “I tried to make it for her graduation...my flight got delayed and then canceled and I had to get a new one...it was a whole big thing and I just want to see her for a minute,” he begs softly.

“No,” Xander says sternly but not meanly.

Shawn’s brows quirk in surprise and confusion. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

“I mean I’ve done nothing but help you two get together and you broke her heart...I’m not helping you anymore. I won’t be the reason she gets hurt again,” he explains defensively.

Shawn scoffs as he looks at the ceiling. “You know, eventually everyone is gonna have to stop putting all the blame on me! Did she not tell you that she’s the one that didn’t want to tell people? What other choice did-“

“She didn’t care anymore,” Xander cuts him off gently. Despite being mad, he’s more upset by the fact that these two seem to be stars barely passing each other in the night.

His breath catches in his throat and he swallows. “W-what?”

“She didn’t care about people finding out at that point...because she was sure that she loved you and it was real,” he explains. “Until it wasn’t.” He shrugs.

Shawn lays the flowers on the desk and drops his bag. “She...loved me?” He nods. “But, I did too! I do! Love her, that is...I just never got a chance to tell her...”

“And now you won’t get another one,” Xander sighs, almost to himself.

He whirls his attention back to Xander. “What’s that supposed to mean?” His heart is pumping blood loudly in his ears and he knows that this is the feeling he had.

“She’s not here...”

“Then, where is she??” He asks his voice threatening to crack front the weight of the news.

Xander avoids looking directly at him. “She’s doing the documentary on Hailee’s tour...they just left for the airport,” he confesses.

His blood runs cold and all the color drains from his face. The cab. She was in the cab that was pulling away as he was pulling up. How could he have been so close and yet so far away from her? He could go after her...or he could let her start her new chapter without him.

“I don’t think going after her is going to change anything. She needs this. She needs to recover a lot more before you reopen wounds,” Xander advises.

Shawn nods in agreement. He hopes that recovery is all she needs. And then he can get her back. He also hopes that letting her go without trying to explain himself isn’t the biggest mistake he’s ever made in his life. After saying all those things in the first place, of course.

But of course, over the next few months, it proves to be. He continues on with his life, almost getting back to normal. Save for the hole in his heart that absolutely nothing can fill no matter how hard he tries. He tried his best to ignore all the things he was seeing about her. He really was.

Although, that was hard to do when she unblocked him so she’s all over his feed when she posts. And she’s all over Hailee’s feed. It was the little things he was noticing that were eating away at him.

First, it was the haircut. Her wavy hair that once went to her mid to lower back now only went just below her collarbones. A boomerang of her running her hands through it is how he first saw it. It’s beautiful, of course. But, it’s like she’s trying to shed her past. And it’s like the new haircut brought a new personality.

Everything he was seeing was her having the time of her life. She was wearing makeup more, and she was wearing more revealing clothes. He wondered what changed that she was no longer insecure about her body or the imperfections on it. All summer he wondered why she didn’t seem broken anymore.

Then one day in an interview, he no longer had to wonder. The subject of her came up like it always does. But instead of the questions being centered on their relationship, they centered on Shawn’s opinion of the new her. He tries to steer the topic away but it’s just not working.

When he refuses to answer the questions about her doing Hailee’s documentary...they show him photos. The photos are a mixture of paparazzi ones and ones from her personal Instagram as she’s made her Euterpe one for sneak peeks of her work. Shawn can’t even speak because he feels like he can’t breathe.

He returns home and immediately lies on his bad and opens his phone. He goes to her personal IG and sure enough, the photos have been there the whole time. The answer to her complete one-eighty of a personality was right in front of him.

Tons of pictures and videos of her...and Nick. How did Shawn not know that Nick had gone on the tour with them? All of the photos are cutesy and they’re always kissing each other on the cheek. The videos are of them being flirty and playful and having the best time at Hailee’s concerts.

Shawn can almost chalk it up to them being just really good and really close friends. But the paparazzi photos are of them walking hand in hand to random places in everyday clothes. There are also pictures of them kissing each other like a couple would in fancy date outfits.

He wants to deny it. Wants to tell himself that she’s just healing and she needs a rebound to do that. But when he looks at the captions under a particular picture that’s on both her and Nick’s page, it feels like the wind is knocked out of him.

It’s a simple picture. An innocent one at that. It was posted on the Fourth of July, just a couple of weeks ago. Nick’s arms are wrapped around her waist from behind and he leans around to kiss her on the cheek but he’s grinning too much for it to actually be a kiss. She’s laughing wildly and Shawn’s has never seen her happier. Above them, an array of colorful fireworks are captured mid-burst and it creates the most beautiful picture.

@therealnickrobinson Sparks fly when I’m with you. (I know you love my puns!) Can’t wait for us to share many more fireworks💖 @y/i/h

@y/i/h “Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.” And you make my heart bloom like these fireworks...can’t wait for more💞@therealnickrobinson

Tag List: @imagine-that-100

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yukwhore · 6 years

Text

Bodily Harm (1)

Synopsis

The story starts out with two best friends, Sienna and Marin, who are on a summer break trip to Seoul after their first year of university. They're both huge fans of the group NCT and decide to go to one of their fan-signs while they're on vacation, but a horrible accident brings them even closer to the boys than they ever would have expected.

Hey guys~

This is my first time trying to write a fanfic so go easy on me lmao. I really don't know if this will get any reads, it's more for me to just write down all of my ideas and storylines that I have stuck in my head.

If anyone does read this, feel free to leave me a comment and give me some feedback! I'd love to hear from someone who reads this. I'm starting this near the end of the quarter so depending on how well this goes I'll try and update as much as I can.

WARNINGS: swearing, mention of gun violence

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"Sienna."

...

"Sienna."

A voice brought me out of my deep sleep, interrupting my dreams.

"Sienna, I swear to God, if you don't turn that fucking alarm off I'm gonna ship you back to Seattle." The voice said again, louder and more demanding. I blinked my eyes, still half asleep, and flung my arm out from beneath the blanket, scrambling for my phone that was on the bedside table. I grabbed it and smacked the "off" button, earning me a sigh of relief from my friend on the other side of the bed.

"Finally," Marin said, throwing the duvet off of her and swinging her feet to the floor. "I thought it'd take you another 2 years to turn that thing off."

"Sorry," I mumbled, my voice not yet ready for the day. "I'm guess I'm so knocked out from jet-lag that I slept right through it." I rubbed my eyes and sat up in bed and watched as Marin made her way to the bathroom and began to brush her teeth.

"You should start getting ready, Sienna." She called from the bathroom. "We only have like 3 hours until the fan-sign and theres no way I'm missing out on seeing my boys because you couldn't wake up. We're in Seoul, wake up and experience the city you nerd."

"I know, I know. Let me known when it's my turn in the bathroom." I said, pulling the covers over me to catch a few more minutes of precious sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you almost done?" Marin asked, already waiting by the door with her shoes already on.

"Almost done," I said, swiping on my mascara and putting the finishing touches on my makeup. "I just have to throw on my clothes and then we're Gucci, I swear"

Marin rolled her eyes as I ran out of the bathroom and began digging through my suitcase. "See! Almost done." I said while pulling out my outfit.

I had been planning what I would wear to this fansign ever since we bought out tickets to Seoul. After all, this was an important event. We were finally meeting our idols and, after spending so long dreaming of this moment, it was finally here. I held up my black skinny jeans, low cut tie-die top, and my ripped jean jacket. I flashed a huge grin at Marin and she groaned.

"Cute, now hurry up." She glanced at the time on her phone. "I'm giving you 2 minutes and then I'm leaving without you."

"Okay, okay." I quickly changed out of my pajamas and threw on my clothes, making sure to check my look in the small mirror hanging on the bathroom door. Satisfied with how I looked, I ran back to my suitcase and grabbed my red nike running shoes.

"You're wearing those?" Marin scoffed. She herself was wearing a loose fitting floral top tucked into a white skirt, completed with her favorite Calvin Klein slip on sandals.

"Of course I am, we have a lot of walking to do." I said while slipping my shoes on. "Don't come running to me when you start complaining about blisters, bud." She scoffed and rolled her eyes again, choosing not to listen to me. I tied my laces and ran up to her, smiling and grabbing her arm. "Lets go!"

We locked the hotel room door behind us and skipped down the hallway arm in arm, brimming with excitement.

"Are you excited to see Mark?" I asked her, squeezing her arm even tighter.

"Of course," She laughed. "Are you excited to see Lucas?"

"Who do you think I am? Of course I'm excited to finally meet the love of my life." I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. We made our way through the lobby of the dingy hotel we're staying at, waving and quickly bowing at the front desk receptionist before walking through the front doors and onto the city street. The sounds of the city filled our ears, cars honking, people talking, and the faraway bark of a dog. Marin immediately ran to the curb and waved her arm for a taxi. Almost as soon as she put up her hand, a taxi pulled into the stand and a man got out.

"Annyeonghaseyo!" He said while opening the back door for us. We smiled back, bowed slightly, and climbed into the taxi. "Foreigners?" He asked while getting into the front seat.

"Yes, uh, SMTOWN?" I asked, telling him our destination.

"Ah! Yes, SMTOWN!" He said while smiling and nodding. "NCT Fans?" Marin and nodded in response as he pulled away from the curb. We were giddy with excitement, and my stomach churned from nerves. Marin noticed the look on my face and grabbed my hand, squeezing it to calm me down.

"Don't worry, they're just regular people." She assured me. "Theres nothing to be nervous about." I was so lucky to have such a good friend.

Me and Marin had known each other since 3rd grade, and she was my closest and oldest friend. We were joined at the hip and did everything together, up until she moved out of state for college this last year. Thankfully, she was home for the summer, and we were able to convince our parents to let us go on this vacation together. Personally, I was surprised my parents even agreed to let me travel to a foreign country with my friend. They were ridiculously overprotective. Even if I am a legal adult, in college, making my own money, they still want me within arms reach. Despite this, through months of begging and an entire speech about our "independence", we were able to make this trip happen. Even if my parents were calling to check on me every half hour, I had still enjoyed these past two days in Korea.

"So, whats our plan for tomorrow?" I asked Marin. She opened her purse and dug around, bringing out her meticulously organized planner and flipping through the pages.

"Well, since today is kind of a big day," She stated, giving me a wink. "Tomorrow we'll have some down time before we leave for Busan the day after. Maybe we can spend the day shopping and check out the fish markets we've heard so much about."

"Or we can sleep in and get rid of some of this jet-lag." I suggested, only half joking. Marin pinched my arm just as the car came to a stop outside of crowded auditorium-looking building.

"Ladies," The taxi driver said. "Here is SMTOWN!"

We climbed out of the side door and said our thanks to the driver, stepping to the curb as he sped away. Marin shoved her phone in my face, pointing at the time.

3:50

"We'd better start running, the fan sign starts in 10 minutes and I think they're closing the entrance soon." She said, tugging me towards the front doors. We pushed our way through the hoards of fangirls waving signs outside and jogged through the doors. Immediately, a hand grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, bringing me face to face with a tall security guard. He said something to me, which neither Marin or I understood. We looked at each other in confusion.

"Ah," He said after realizing we couldn't understand him. "NCT?" He asked. We nodded in agreement.

"Ne, NCT." Marin said. He pointed to a desk across the room with other security guards behind it. We said thank you and quickly walked to the desk, pulling out our IDs and tickets once we approached it.

"Right through here." A woman said to us in English, leading us through a set of doors.

"Thank you so much!" I said bowing to her as we walked by. I turned to Marin and grabbed her arm.

"Bitch I'm gonna fucking cry, I'm gonna do it." She said dramatically, wiping away fake tears. I laughed and squeezed her arm tighter.

"As the great Troy Bolton once said, we're all in this together." I said, laughing again as we walked down the hallway and into the large open auditorium. We entered the room and were immediately blown away by how many people were there. There had to be at least 100 people crammed into the room, and the sound of all of them talking at once was ear splitting.

Me and Marin began to look for our seats and were surprised to see we were in the front row. Stepping down the stairs, we made our way through the crowd down to our designated row.

"How that for good luck!" Marin said as we squeezed past the people in our row. I noticed some dirty looks thrown our way and whispers being exchanged as we walked by. I didn't understand most of what the were saying, but the words "foreigner" and "bitch" stood out to me along with the phrase "why are they in this row?". I brushed the comments off, ultimately deciding to focus on the fact that NCT would be only a few feet away from me in just a few minutes.

We sat down and looked around us. While we waited, I took out my phone and texted my mom

Just got to the fan sign, momma! I'll call you as soon as we're done! Love you!

She responded immediately, despite it being almost midnight back home.

I love you too sweetie! Have fun, tell Lucas I said hi.

I laughed and showed it to Marin, letting her take my phone and type her own text to my mom.

I'll make sure she tells him, its always good to greet your future son in law. Love you auntie! - Marin

"Oh my God, Marin." I took my phone from her and rolled my eyes.

"What?" She teased. "If your mom likes him its a good sign." I was about to respond when I heard another harsh whisper from behind me. Unlike before, this whisper wasn't about me and Marin. As I listened, I noticed the word "Sasaeng".

Oh shit, I thought. Is there a sasaeng here? At the fan sign?

"Dude, Marin." I tapped her on the shoulder. "Those girls behind us said something about a sasaeng." I whispered.

"Really? Here? At the fan sign?" She asked, her eyes wide open in shock.

"I mean I think so, I just heard it mentioned real quick." I explained. "Should we ask them about it?" Marin quickly shook her head, shrinking back in embarrassment.

"Us? No. You? Sure." She said, crossing her arms in front of her. Although Marin acted like the mom between us, I was the confident one. Marin wasn't afraid to do dumb things in front of me or call me on my bullshit, but got embarrassed quickly in front of other people.

I turned around and looked up at the girls behind us.

"Uh... Sasaeng?" I asked, my eyes wide with curiosity. The girls looked at each other for a moment before one of them responded.

"Ahh, ne..." She said slowly.

"Yeogi? Here?" I said in disbelief. The girls nodded in response. "Eodie? Where at?"

"Naneun moleunda." The other girl said, shrugging.

"What did they say?" Marin asked me.

"They said they don't know where, but there is one here." I told her. She shivered as if a cold breeze had swept by her.

"Freaky, I've heard so much about sasaengs on twitter but I've never actually been around one." She said, looking around at the people surrounding us as if she'd be able to spot the lunatic.

Just then, a familiar beat began playing throughout the auditorium, drowning out the screams of the fans.

Black, Black, Black, Black on...

"OH FUCK." I blurted out, whipping around and facing the stage. The crowd around us began to grow louder and buzz with excitement.

"Sienna, shut up oh my GOD." Marin scolded, equally excited but maintaining her composure.

"MARIN." I said, grabbing her arm. "NCT IS COMING." I shook her out of excitement and a huge smile began to form on her face. She grabbed my arm and shook me back.

"SHIT, YOU'RE RIGHT." She yelled, her composure breaking.

The MC walked out on stage and gave a short ramble, which was hard to understand since I was more focused on something else. I began looking to the sides of the stage to try and catch a glimpse of one of the boys. Just when I was beginning to think my search was pointless, I was shocked to see a face peeking out from behind the curtains, out of view from the other rows of seats behind us. I leaned forward in my chair, squinting, trying harder to make out the face.

"Wait..." I whispered to myself. "Is that... Yukhei?" The face turned towards the mass of people in the auditorium and I finally got to see it clearly.

"Oh my God." I said loudly. I could feel Marin giving me a judging look but I was too focused to bother. The familiar face slowly turned and stopped with his eyes on me.

It really is him.

We held eye contact for a few moments before I gasped in shock. My hand flew to my mouth and my eyes widened. I watched as Yukhei laughed and winked before disappearing back behind the curtain.

"Marin." I said, still starting intently at the spot Yukhei had disappeared from. "Marin, holy shit."

"What?" She asked, giving me a weird look again.

"I think I just saw Lucas and I think he just winked at me." I said, falling back into my seat with my mouth hanging open in shock.

"You what?" She said in disbelief, twisting around to stare at me. "You're kidding. You're full of shit. Are you sick or something?" She put her hand on my forehead as if checking for a fever. "You don't seem sick, but then again, you're talking some crazy shit."

"Seriously! It just happened!" I said sincerely, receiving only a doubtful look in response.

"NCT!" We were interrupted by the MC, and both of us completely forgot what we were talking about. Me and Marin grabbed each other's hands and screamed along with the rest of the fans in the auditorium as the boys began to walk out on stage. The screams from the crowd intensified as all 18 members filed out of stage, forming a line right in front of where me and Marin were seated.

"To the world! We are NCT! Hello, we are NCT!" The boys greeted in perfect unison. I swear I almost fainted right at that moment. My eyes scanned the row of boys and landed on Yukhei off to my right. I was surprised to see he was looking at me.

"Annyeonghaseyo! We are NCT 2018." Taeyong said with a microphone in his hand. The rest of his words blurred together as I stared at Yukhei.

Was I crazy?

Maybe I was lucid dreaming.

Maybe he wasn't really looking at me.

I raised my hand slightly and gave a small wave to test. I watched him as he chuckled slightly and gave a small wave back, flashing that goofy grin I've always seen in their interviews and VLives. I closed my eyes and blinked once, twice, trying to tell if this was real life, but when I opened my eyes he was still looking at me.

"MARIN." I whispered harshly and tugged on her shirt. "He's doing it again, I swear. I'm not crazy!" She brushed my hand off and shushed me, her eyes trained on Mark as he nodded along with Taeyong's speech. I looked back at Yukhei to see him slightly laugh at me and Marin's exchange. It was weird, the way he looked at me. Being foreigners, me and Marin had gotten our fair share of looks from strangers on the streets these past few days. This, however, wasn't like that. The way he watched my every moved seemed as if he was examining me, as if he was interested in the way I was moving. It almost made me uncomfortable knowing he was looking at me.

The MC took the microphone back from Taeyong and the boys, including Yukhei, turned away to take their seats. While the boys got settled, talking to each other and playing around, a security guard walked down from the stage and stood at the right side of our row. I recognized him as the same security guard who had grabbed my shoulder earlier in the foyer of the building. He listened into his headset and said something in response, then motioned for our row to stand up. Me and Marin followed the people in front of us as we shuffled along towards the stairs at the end of the stage, my heart pounding faster with each step. We were about 7th in line and waited patiently as the first few fans stepped up to the stage.

"Marin, can you hand me my thingy." I said, too excited to focus on my words. Thankfully, Marin understood. She reached into her purse and pulled out my Empathy album I had brought to get signed.

The person in front of me moved forward and I took a step up onto the stairs where I stood bouncing with excitement. Now I was only one turn away from meeting the first member, Johnny, who was seated on the end of the table. I watched as he flashed the girl a smile and waved goodbye to her, then turned to me. I stood where I was, paralyzed, before Marin gave me a small push towards the table. I stumbled slightly and gave her a 'I'm gonna fight you' look while Johnny laughed at our little fight.

"Annyeonghaseyo" He said, smiling up at me as I stood opposite the table from him.

"Hey," I said, my voice slightly shaky. "Its really really nice to meet you."

"Oh, you sound American!" He said, his eyes opening in interest.

"Yeah, haha, me and my friend are from Seattle and we're on vacation here." I explained, brushing my hair away from my face.

"Thats so cool, I've always wanted to go to Seattle! I hear its pretty wet though." He said, already jumping into the conversation. I suppressed my natural instinct to make a bad joke over him saying 'wet' and just nodded instead.

"Yeah, its pretty rainy, you sorta get used to it after a while." I said.

"Whats your name?" He asked me, his tone feigning interest.

"Oh, its Sienna."

"Well its really really nice to meet you, Sienna." He said, making me laugh.

"Oh, I almost forgot." I placed my album on the table and opened it, flipping through the photo book until I landed on a picture of him from the "Touch" promotions. This, hands down, was my absolute favorite picture of him and I had been planning for months to get it signed. I slid it towards him and flashed a wide grin. He looked down at the book and smiled.

"I'm guessing this is where you want me to sign?" He asked, pen already in hand. I nodded enthusiastically in response, nudging the book closer to him. As he began to sign, I looked to my right to see Marin, tapping her foot, waiting impatiently for her turn. Hurry it up, she mouthed to me, tapping at an imaginary watch on her wrist. I mouthed back chill out and turned back to Johnny who was finishing up.

"Thank you so much!" I said as he handed back my photo book.

"No problem," He said. "I guess your friend is getting impatient." He pointed over to Marin who still seemed annoyed I was taking so long talking to Johnny.

"Ah its fine, she's just like that." I explained, waving my hand towards her. The security guard that stood behind Johnny leaned down and whispered in his ear, pointing at me and then moving his hand towards the next member, which was Lucas (Just my luck), who was just finishing up signing a fan's poster.

"Sure," He said back to the guard then turning back to face me. "I think our times up, Sienna. It was nice talking to you." He said with a wave.

"You too, Johnny. Tell my friend Marin I say hi." I added, pointing over at Marin.

"Will do." He laughed again as I turned away and stepped towards Lucas who was seated next to him. As soon as I turned, he looked up at me, a smile forming on his face. I took another step towards him, staying back from the table, too nervous to get any closer. He leaned forward in his chair, looking at me with his bright eyes.

"Annyeonghaseyo," He said, giving me a small wave just like the one he had earlier.

"Oh, hey." I stammered, quickly becoming a nervous wreck in his presence. "I'm Sienna."

"Ah," He said, a look of realization flashing on his face. "Nice to meet you, Sienna. You are American, right? You know, Johnnys from America."

I nodded, smiling back at him.

"Yeah, we were talking about it just a minute ago." I explained, a small bit of my anxiety leaving. I looked over at Marin who was already deep in conversation with Johnny.

"He's from Chicago, where are you from?" He asked me.

"Oh, me and my friend are from Seattle. Its farther northwest and has a lot more rain than where Johnny is from."

"Ah! Seattle Starbucks, yeah?" He asked, making me giggle.

"Yeah, Seattle Starbucks." I said, a huge smile forming on my face. Actually, Marin was right. Talking to these guys was so much easier than I thought. I almost hadn't noticed that I had edged right up to the table while we were talking.

"Thats cool," He said. "My English is still bad, I hope you can understand me well."

"That's okay, you're doing amazing so far." I gave him a thumbs up and he laughed, suddenly dissolving any uneasiness I had left. Talking with him just seemed so natural and came so easy to me, it was like talking to a long time friend. I was trying to keep my words pretty basic, hoping to avoid any issues that the language barrier could cause.

"Oh," I said suddenly. "I almost forgot." I reached behind me and pulled out my empathy album, setting it on the table between us.

"Dream version!" He said, picking up the album and flipping through the photo book.

"Yeah, its my favorite one. I even got your photo card." I blushed slightly, feeling slightly awkward from admitting it.

"Cool! Where is that handsome face at?" He asked jokingly, slightly biting his lip and simultaneously killing me.

"Its at home, up on my wall." I laughed and covered my face with my hands in embarrassment.

"That is good!" He declared, raising his hands dramatically. "That is where it belongs." The corner of his mouth pulled back and he flashed that signature Yukhei smile I had only dreamed of seeing in my lifetime.

Wow, I thought to myself. I don't think it get any better than this.

However, in an instant, the mood had changed.

Yukhei began to say something but froze, his mouth stuck open. His eyes darted behind me frantically. I looked at him confused, unsure of what was happening.

The next few seconds seemed to happen in slow motion.

The loud cheers from the crowd had turned, becoming more panicked, and I heard screams of terror from behind me. A voice was shouting something I couldn't make out above the screams of the crowd. I watched as the security guards jumped from behind the tables and moved towards the crowd, frantically pushing past me.

Then, I heard the blood chilling crack of a gunshot.

My ears buzzed as the sound of the shot rang in my ear, deafening me. Yukhei jumped up from his chair and over the table, grabbing me and pulling me behind the partial wall that was on the stage. I looked up at him as he held me in his arms, his eyes wide with fear and concern, yelling something over his shoulder that I could'nt hear. He grabbed my shoulder and I cried out in pain, my vision becoming blurry. Then I looked down at his hands to see them stained with blood.

My blood.

#nct #nct127 #fanfic #au #lucas #kpop #yukhei #nctu #bodilyharm

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chocobrosadventures-blog · 7 years

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A Sky Full of Stars - Chapter 1

I was really inspired by @nifwrites amazing soulmate AU in the last few days, enough to try myself at my own multi-chapter fic even if it scare the shit out of me. I still have lot to write and add to be able to really flesh out my OCs and their relationships, but consider Ch.1 as an introduction. This was not proof-readed whatsoever and english is not my first language, but I hope you can still appreciate it even if it’s probably packed with mistakes. I’d be glad to get any feedback on this so you can fill my askbox as much as you want! Heads up, this is gonna be fluffy as hell and I plan to extend this story up until the end - and maybe after - the end of the game. For all the sweet Gladio fans out there, this is for you <3

Update 24/05: Reuploading here from my other blog. I also took the opportunity to proof-read it again and changing a couple of things, adding more details and descriptions and I definitely feel more satisfied with it now.

CHAPTER 1 | Word count: 2163

Insomnia was always calm in the morning, at least, in Cassiopeia’s part of town. She was always waking up early, drinking her usual coffee on the balcony of her apartment, in nothing but an oversized t-shirt and some shorts, enjoying the warm breeze on her skin. Inside, she could hear the sound of the shower running, her cousin, Altair, preparing himself to go to work, just like her. He was a couple of years older than her, just turning 25, dedicated to his kingdom and its Kingdom working for an elite group of soldiers known as the Kingsglaive. When she decided to leave her family home in Lestallum to study literature in the grand Insomnia, he welcomed her with opened arms, grateful to be able to spend more time with her as they grew apart after tragedy hit both their families.

As she sipped down the last few drops of coffee from her cup, she went back inside to finally put some clothes on, hearing her cousin, calling for her. “Cassie, am I still dropping you at work today?”

“Shit”, she thought to herself cursed under her breath. She was totally running late, having enjoyed the morning sun a little bit too much. She ran out of her room with her uniform in her hands, dashing to the bathroom to get herself somewhat ready and presentable for the rest of the day. Looking at herself in the mirror, she stuck out her tongue, furrowing her brows in a sign of annoyance. Her hair was a mess of platinum curls, glowing in the light like it was silver, that she braided rapidly. She put a bit of mascara on her lashes, making her sky-blue eyes pop a little bit more and some pearls earrings. Her fingers gently took her mother’s bracelet, a magnificent jewel made of rose gold, that she used to wear every day since she left home. The piece of jewelry was brushing against the tattoo that was ornamenting her wrist; her soulmark.

Her mother used to tell her about those special marks, about how everyone, somewhere, has a tattoo that matches another and how the two individuals sharing them have a special bond that cannot be broken. She had hers for as long as she could remember. She knew her cousin had one too, even if he never showed it to her. Hers was an intricate and beautiful design of flowers with two letters, which she could only assume were the initials of her said soulmate. “G. A.”

The tip of her fingers brushed the petals of the flowers; her mark hasn’t always been like that. It was growing every year, starting as a little bud when she was younger, until it evolved in this beautiful bouquet. Who was G.A? That was still a question she didn’t have the answer to.

“Cassiopeia, for Gods’ sake, I’m leaving without you!” “Sorry Altair… I got lost in my thoughts” the little blonde admitted, running out of the bathroom. She grabbed a book that was resting on the dining room’s table and put it in her purse, closing it and finally ready to go. “Daydreaming again, huh? Come on, you can daydream all you want while you’re actually in the car.” Cassiopeia gave him an embarrassed smile as he opened the door, following him closely outside their home and into his car. Since she moved in, he insisted to drive her to school or to work every morning, making her discover the streets of Insomnia at the same time. Now that it was summer, she was working full time in a cute little book café in the neighborhood. The place was cute and cozy and she loved that it was offering a complete library of books to their customers to read while they were enjoying their coffee. She actually enjoyed what she was doing, but sometimes, she wished for so much more than this kind of routine.

Gladiolus headed out to the training room, after another hard day trying to convince the prince to get out of his usual laziness and try to get somewhat involved in his training. “Are you also having problems with him, Iggy? Please tell me I’m not the only one he’s giving a hard time to.”

The tall man besides him chuckled, pushing his glasses up his nose. “I’m afraid our prince is going through a rebellious phase.” He answered, earning a groan for his companion. Being the King’s Shield, it was Gladio’s duty to protect the future King, Noctis Lucis Caelum, but also to make sure he was perfectly able to defend himself if needed. Like his father before him, Gladio was tasked to train the young prince and he always took pride in his duty, maybe a little too much. He used to despise his protégé, but grew found of him over the years. He was happy to consider him one of his best friend now, but, Six be blessed, sometimes he found himself frustrated by the attitude more than anything else. He was soon going to be 20 and had to be ready to take his father’s place. With the help of Noctis’ advisor, Ignis, it was their task to make sure he was all ready to take upon the throne.

“I have to drop by Noctis’ apartment after school to hand in the reports from today’s meeting. I’ll probably stay to prepare diner and Prompto’s gonna drop by to play video games. I suppose you’ll join us later?” Ignis asked, as he was heading towards the throne room to meet with King Regis.

Gladio stopped and checked the time on his phone, shrugging as he noticed how early it was. “Yeah, I’ll get there by the end of the afternoon. Got some training on my own to do, but nothing else planned. I’ll see you later I guess.” Ignis gave him a nod as they parted to go their own separate ways. After a difficult morning like this one, he was in dire need of a good jog to get those negative vibes off.

The owner of the café where Cassie was working was a good friend of her mother and she was able to get a job pretty easily. With her extensive knowledge of books of all sorts, she was an amazing asset to the place as she was able to talk and advise customers on her favorite reads. The place was fairly new, but it was already packed with faithful customers. The library of the café was growing everyday with donations and a little budget they could use every month to order new books. As her cousin finally dropped her off in front of the Café, she waved him goodbye, knowing he’d be home late in the evening.

Heading inside the café, a tall redhead girl greeted her with a big smile. Nova was already working there when Cassie was hired. The two girls soon became best friends and were basically each other’s half. While Cassie was more introverted and calm, Nova had a bubbly personality that made her so lovable. The blonde girl was still surprised at how fast she grew close to her, as she always had a little bit of trouble making friends because of how shy she was. It was even worse now that she was in Insomnia, the big city making it really difficult for her to have an active social life outside of hanging out with her cousin. She was grateful for Nova as she was pushing her out of her comfort zone in terms of socializing. Customers loved to come by just to see her and talk with her as she was preparing their coffee. Nova was a much better barista than her and even proposed herself to give her some lessons when there was no one at work.

Like pretty much everyday, Cassie started the book inventory. Every morning, she had to go through all the donations they were given in the last few days and find a place for them on the shelves of the café. It was her favorite part of her job, as she was able to go through all the new books they got during the last few days and create sections for her favorite authors and genres. She was looking at them, one by one, reading their content and entering the data about their authors and their category in the computer. Hours were always flying by when she was doing that and she couldn’t wait to finish her day so she could actually try to read them herself before making them available to the public.

It was almost 3 P.M. when Nova called her to get some help. A big line of customers was forming and her best friend wasn’t able to handle the cash at the same time as preparing all the coffees. Putting her apron over her uniform, consisting of a blue and white stripe shirt and a black skirt with thigh-high socks, she started greeting customers at the counter with a delicate smile.

Panting from a long run, Gladio stopped to look at the time on his phone. 3:15 P.M. It was almost time for him to head out to Noct’s like he told Ignis earlier. The sun was hot and he couldn’t bear the sensation of the heat anymore. Walking a bit down the street, he noticed a cute little book café on the corner. The building had always been there, but even if his run was always leading him here, he never noticed this place before today. As he walked by, he couldn’t help but stop in front, as if something was pushing him to go inside. Was it the fact that he could really use a new book to enjoy? Or the sign at the front door announcing their new 100% fruit smoothies? Or some moment inside to enjoy the AC before heading outside again in the stifling heat of the day? Before he could even answer his own questions, his feet drove him right inside the café..

A young woman greeted him and his gaze went down to look at her, answering with a smile, without really paying attention. “How may I help you?” she asked, probably seeing the confused look in his face. Gladio snapped out of his thoughts, answering the employee.

“Hi, sorry! Hum, this is the first time I come here actually. I’ll take a large smoothie and uh, are all the books here available to read?” The young woman started to laugh and the sounds resonated like music to his ears. He took the time to actually look at her, captivated. She had a soft face, illuminated by big pale-blue eyes and framed by hair so bright they almost looked silver in the sunlight.

“Alright, a large smoothie and… yes! All the books here are available for our customers to enjoy. Our library is growing everyday as we accept donations and buy new ones weekly. You can take some time to look at them while we’re preparing your order if you’d like!” Gladio couldn’t stop looking at her while she was explaining him how their little shop was working, captivated by her eyes and the sweet sound of her voice. It took her 5 minutes to walk away and come back with a large smoothie in her hand, handing it to him.

“There you go! Hope you have a good day and if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask me!” His gaze descended on her hands, in which she was holding his drink. He reached out to take it, his eyes stopping on a strange mark on her wrist. He could see the tattoo very clearly as it was embracing the font of her hands with delicate flowers intertwining with vines. He recognized the flowers almost immediately, as they were the ones he was names after. Not realizing he was staring, two letters caught his attention: “G.A.”

Feeling the awkwardness settling by staring too long, Gladio just took his drink and smiled at the girl. “I’ll come back for sure when I have more time. Thank you, um…?”

The silver-haired girl look at him with a confused look, just before understanding his question. “Oh! Cassiopeia. But you can call me Cassie! See you soon, then!”

Cassiopeia.

The name resonated in his head as he stepped out of the café. Gladio stopped in front of the entrance door, still puzzled by the scene that just happened. A strange sensation took over him as he took off his bracelet, hiding his left wrist. Underneath his leather cuff, at the exact same place as the girl’s, was a mark. His soulmate mark, made up of a constellation he identified long ago and 2 letters: Cassiopeia, and “C.L.” It only took him one second to make the math in his head, feeling a rush of panic engulfing him. There was only two possibilities, one of them being an incredible coincidence.

#ffxv #ffxv fanfiction #soulmate au #ffxv soulmate au #gladiolus amicitia #gladio x oc #a sky full of stars #asfos

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momtaku · 7 years

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SnK Chapter 92 Poll

I’ll be closing the chapter 92 poll tonight so this is your last chance if you’d like to chime in.

Take a Poll

I’ve received 406 responses thus far and 103 people have left comments. I especially appreciated this one

Did this very distractedly, watchin that Netflix show about OJ Simpson at the same time

Thanks, dude :P More chapter thoughts are below the read more

Reiner is getting hotter with each passing chapter. I fear we may rapidly be approaching a state of ultimate hotness that may be too much for us mere mortals to handle.

DA BEAST DADDY IS DA BEST DADDY.

Zeke's mid air transformation followed by a superhero landing is all I needed for my life to be complete

It's a boy!

I liked how much the new warriors look up to the older warriors How did Zeke drug Connies village if this is really required for his scream to work? And I wonder, are there eldians outside of Marly and paradis Island? Because the east sea nation don't have a high opinion of them as well. So, I wonder how they are treated in their society if they happen live there.

The reactions of the warriors reminded me a lot of how almost everyone reacted during Trost - most of them only knew how horrific it was, they'd never seen it. And it was HEARTBREAKING FOR EVERYONE. (But while Gaillard is agile, Ymir's titan didn't have the special jaw design, which would be weird AF if she really was the "Jaw Titan." So I'm pretty sure she's still safe).

I miss Erwin & Bert so much

Pieck's metal armour was rad

WHERE ARE MY LITTLE CHILDREN??

It hit me like a double-decker.

It was gucci

That chapter was well-done action-wise. It was cool to see the warriors of Marley in action. I'm still sad about Reiner's potential fate but I have to get prepared for him to die next chapter or in the chapter after. Poor boy only dedicated his life to an imposed duty since childhood without a break, on top of losing everybody he loved. If he dies I still have Zeke, but Reiner was my favorite warrior alongside Bert. Gabi and Falco warmed on me but not enough. I still want to spend the whole volume on Marley before moving on. no time-skips surprised me...

Zeke doesn't look he's aged a day. It was nice to see him again.

The only wow element for me was older Reiner. That's it.

I'm afraid Isayama will return to the main cast for the rest of the volume. There are still a lot of unanswered questions about Reiner and Zeke, plus now we have Falco and Gabi characters (and Pieck and Galliard on top of that). I feel there should be better a introduction for the new cast, and at least some update about Reiner\Zeke ( their worldview, their rediness to pass on their titans, their opinion on the candidats, at least some interactions with them). Also, I yet so see Mare's side of the conflict, and not oppreses Mare's Eldians, but actual Mare's people (military and civilians alike). So far we've met only two officers and they were jerks. Mare's still painted pretty black, I would like to see some gray areas as well.

Better than the last two

Where the fuck is Ymir!?

I'm getting a little tired of all these new characters, and while seeing Reiner again was quite nostalgic, I really wish Isayama would bring the story back to the original characters soon.

I think Reiner's not out for the count yet, but here's something I can totally see happening: we switch back to the Paradis people and the Marleyans attack them. Everyone thinks the Armored Titan is Reiner and they try talking to him only to discover it's one of the new people. OR, for some extra tragedy, they kill/capture the titan and THEN realize it isn't even Reiner. Bonus bonus tragedy if Connie finally gets his revenge and it's not even Reiner. :( Can totally see Isayama doing that.

It was really disturbing to realize that Annie, Bertolt, Reiner, and Marcel were once probably just like Gabi, Falco, Udo, etc. They might have been idealistic, prone to kindness even to their enemies (like Falco)... or not (since it's impossible to say for sure!) But seeing what actually fighting within the walls has done to Reiner--his trauma, etc. was an excellent contrast to the relative innocence the new cast gives off, and it's heartbreaking to consider that the Warriors we know may have once been the same way. Eren & co. please arrive promptly and save them.

It was boring.

I wish they would show why zeke was the holder of the key to the whole story.

Very intense chapter with stunning art.

Everything went south, but it's good to finally have some knowledge about what's going on outside.

Mule titan is the new best titan

I am sad that "Hot Dayum Daddy-o" Is not an acceptable answer for Reiner's hotness raiting. I also better see a warrior backstory before Isayama ties the noose for good on Reiner if he indeed decides to kill him off.

i have been giving this particular chapter a LOT of thought, and after looking back to ch. 51 of the manga, particularly at the picture of connie's mother in comparison to the drooling woman towards the front of page 2, i'm pretty convinced that the elodians were the people from ragako. that being said, i'm a slight bit skeptical that they were drugged and instead am starting to believe an older theory that just as zeke can turn people into mindless titans, he can turn them back into mindless humans.

Where's Annie

SCs better ally with the Mid-East Union or Eldians will be doomed by Marley faster.

Was surprised by how much I loved this chapter, after I so hated the last one. Oh, how far we've come since the early days of the story. I can't even imagine this in an animated form. It's too many years away.

i hope reiner will not gonna die because of gabi , if isayama want to kill him no matter what i want him to die like a hero

Something that stuck out to me was Gabi's concern for Reiner, "Reiner... be careful." It's a bit odd, she wants his power (aka eat him) but is concerned for him? Is it because of his power? Or does she know and legit care for him, but she (and the other cadets) haven't been told that eating them (the titan shifters) is a necessity to gain the power? Wouldn't that be traumatizing to figure out... I'm also curious about whether or not the warriors backstories are going to be told. Since Reiner's been knocked out (again XD) it could be a good time for the next chapter to open up with a flashback and end with him waking up? He's been kept alive for a while, and there's obviously a reason for it. I also want to know more about the other little warriors, they seem neat :)

Maybe im in denial but Reiner cant die yet, hes the warrior that knows the enemy best and needs to teach someone to use the 3dmg (If he hasnt already in these 4 years)

I wanna see my children they must be so grown up, im gonna cry

fans are making too much drama for the recent lack of the main trio and the 104th squad. I'm more happy to learn about new characters outside the island and see differents points of view about the world, it gives you a global vision. Also I wish we could learn more about Marley people not for the point of view of Eldians but for themselfs or I don't know maybe from other countries? for now they are bad bad very evil duh, but I don't think in a story that constantly makes us reflect on what its good and evil the idea of Marley as the supreme ultra evil enemies is just to simple ... and lazy.

I fell 50/50 about the probabilities of Galliard eating Ymir, but the agility he has is not a proof, i don't believe the "every titan has a unique ability" thing.

Really wondering whether or not reiner may survive this since he is close to running out of time like zeke

Mule Titan is best girl

I want answers, Isayama

92 was unique, i loved it! Seeing what's happening in the other side of the ocean.

I can't wait to see more of Gabi. Gabi is best girl.

I absolutely loved this chapter. It was action packed & the ending got me so fucking hyped for next months chapter. We also got some development on the new Warriors which was really interesting. I hope they will play an important role in this arc. I'm so fucking hyped to see what the SC have been up to for the past 4 years. They probably established a base on the coast or something. btw DID I MENTION IM FUCKING HYPED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!?

i will cry in ymir is dead

It was so short it felt like "heey you guys now you have anime so manga can be less interesting". This chapter was so unnecessary IMO

#FREEANNIE2K17 better happen soon

All in all, this chapter was way more in-depth than the last one and I liked how the warrior kids all got a bit of a personal touch to them. Reiners flashback scene was the most impactful moment in my opinion. It was so heartbreaking. Also, this chapter had a proper conclusion, so I hope we're getting the main cast again next chapter.

Zophia needs more panel time.

This was a cool chapter because of the action. I am not fan of the forced bullshit Isayama has been introducing recently like the convenient amnesia in the last chapter. Make the narrative more fluid!

I thought poop machine was bad, titan carpet bombing is even more wtf

GIVE ME ARMIN'S TITAN FORM GODDAMIT

Devastating. To see the Eldians being used as mindless weapons was severely disturbing. And Zeke finally realising that War is indeed a terrible thing. These chapters are hella intense and enlightening about the world outside. It's still really sick though. Totally sick I can't even. But the thing that really excites AND frightens me the most now is WHAT HAPPENED IN WALLED WORLD WITHIN THE 4 YEARS OF TIME SKIP. Now that we've seen what the Marleyans can and intend to do, I'm feeling really anxious about the 'final' battle between the Eldians and Marleyans. With our precious badass scientist Hange and badass fighter Levi and basically the entire badass scouts, I don't think the people in the walled world, particularly the SC just sat around and did nothing. I don't need a full flashback of their 4 years (though that would be nice as well), but I do want to see how they progressed and improved during those years. I'm imagining it in my head already: the ultimate war. And then we see all the upgrades that the SC did as well, and how Eren and Armin have mastered their titans. I'm even hoping to finally see Annie again, as a villain or whatever, as long as she's put back into the story. I'm expecting a huge twist, but please not something too nasty like Eren being dead already or something. Also, I've never really warmed up to the Marleyans, and after these past chapters, I don't think I ever will. I don't think Zeke is going to get eaten, not soon, at least. He's got so many plot points that require him (Eren, Levi wanting to kill him...), but I do think it's time for Reiner to go, since he survived three extreme situations. By the way, from Marley's perspective, giving Zeke's power to a new recruit seems like a terrible idea: if they are planning to get the Coordinate, they need an experienced war chief to start immediately. It's enough that one of their five titans will need a new recruit after Reiner's demise (if it's true he is going to die, of course, I could be wrong).

It was a good chapter, but i still have no clue about the direction Yams wants to give the story. I feel like he's going too far from what SnK has Always been. I am not happy to meet the main cast, the time skip looked like a stupid way to solve all the stuff he made and we was about to male, like ema's part. In 4 years they argued and maybe thery already fixed. Sooo stupid.

Let's go back to our main cast, please.

At this point many of us think it's unlikely the warrior cadets will inherit BT or AT...but what if, in some type of critical situation, jaws or cartman are injured or whatever, and the only way to preserve the powers is by eating them in a hurry? This way, we'd keep plot relevant Reiner and Zeke, and at least some of the more important new kids (i.e. Faloc/Gabi/Colt) could stick theoretically stick around too (by eaten the aforementioned plot irrelevant shifters)? idk just a thought

It's all well and good to introduce new characters but this late in the story, after all these very dramatic plot/character changes and massive mystery revelations it's a bit... abrupt, to suddenly be with all these new people. I feel like it's a different series and no one told me about it.

I could be interesting if we saw the Marley politicians, or how do they choose the new shifters. But seeing again the Survey Corps could be great as well. Oh, and I was surprised that Reiner was still alive after their lose of multiple shifters titans. And I hope Ymir isn't dead not just bc she's my bae, but bc, contrary to Reiner to who I don't see relevant to the story anymore, so, Ymir is still I think useful too the story. She is still very mysterious and it would not be logical for the Marley government to make her eat and not Reiner and Zeke ? Or maybe it is in fact bc she could refuse to work for them ? I dunno. Still hope she's alive. Btw, is Historia going to be married in the next chapters (for political reasons...)

Why would they make Galliard eat Ymir when they could make a recruit eat her. Giving two titan powers to one titan doesn't make sense strategically speaking. And that's if she is on the Marley side which we don't know for sure.

I may have misinterpreted the chapter due to wonky translations, but I was hoping those opposing the Marleyans would have held out more. I thought the secondary conflict was leading to something the Eldians could use when they needed to confront Marley (not a direct alliance, if literally everyone outside the walls hates Eldians, but something *waves hands*). Otherwise... the Titan drop method is awful and I know Isayama doesn't like to hold back on the atrocities, but I'll admit it did mess me up a little after reading.

I'm really hoping to see Galliard and Pieck's human forms soon. Since there were many parallels between RBA and EMA and Zeke is said to be like a warrior Levi, I'm hoping for Galliard and Pieck to be like some warrior versions of Erwin and Hange.

I want to see more backstories; Zeke, Ymir Fritz, The First King. I can't wait until Eren re-unites with Zeke.

Well, Zeke saying "war ia a bad thing" after enjoying so much killing the Scouts was quite...incoherent? Wtf lord of the ponies?

I'm completely lost as to what the story currently is

I do want to see Galliard and Pieck's human forms but not if it means we get another Marley chapter. It's time to go back to the real protagonists.

This plot twist is weird and has yet to sell me in the new direction it's taking

Locate my position and land on me Daddy

I hope the story of new warriors won't turn into another Grisha files.

I hope Paradis invasion will be told from the Warriors perspective. We already know how underprepared and unexpected Paradis is so it'd be fresh to see the story unfold from the other side. This will also give more time to develop those fresh recruits' characters? Most of them still feel like folders to me and we weren't given enough time to form emotional attachment with them yet.

I miss my Vets...

I'm terrified there may be another timeskip before we get back to the main cast i'll fuck up isayama and his editor for giving me this timeskip-phobia Having BRYH as your favorite characters really fucking sucks.

back to eren, please

All I hoped for was to at least see Reiner and Zeke again. But I'm ready to see my children again next month. :')

Im so nervous

I preferred this chapter over 91 because we got to see familiar characters. I am surprised at how quick this war ended for the viewers and hope we get to see the fallout from Marley's perspective. Maybe the changing of titans if that is going to happen before we switch back to the main cast.

4/10 There was no Grisha in this chapter, but it brought back my intense sadness for Reiner

What kind of brainwashing techniques the Marley used on the Eldian

What happened to this manga!?!

I know the new characters are all going to die so I just want to see how this story ends already.

I really don't want Reiner and Zeke to be replaced, as I don't see how that would add anything to the story and many conflicts would never be resolved. Also I loved the scene with the drugged eldians turned into titans. Very poignant. I love how the situation is cruel and inhumane yet really really believable

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

This chapter has a lot of really good emotional moments (Falco saving the Middle East Union man was a personal favorite). The way the Eldians are treated was genuinely horrific. Isayama is doing well building up the tension and the threat level in his manga. But, he's also now, thankfully, investing time into the emotional gravity of this situation and this new world. This chapter was much better at establishing what this side of the wall is all about than the previous chapter. But, the main characters need to come back because I doubt most of us will ever care about the new characters nearly as much as we do the old ones. Also, Reiner is back!!! And he's so hot but everything is so sad! Seeing Reiner again is like trying to eat ice cream while you're sobbing your heart out. And honestly, if Reiner is supposed to be "dead"... all I can say is that it would be pretty lame.

The story has become way more interesting that I initially thought. I really love the new perspective shown of the tragic young warriors. The hopelessness of the Pradise situation now that we saw Marly's power. I'm scared to think of how more complicated it will be. Love how isayama is never scared to leave the main cast behind whenever he wanted to express more thoughts or story. good job.

The chapter was great. We finally have an idea of what the military prowess of Marley as well as the rest of the world is like. We know how Eldians are treated by Marley and viewed by other nations and honestly the situation is grim for Paradis. I truly hope they achieved massive strides in weapon and warfare or found an ally of sorts otherwise they are completely at the mercy of the coordinate.

god this is going so fast to somewhere i never thought this would go and idt i like that very much

I've waited so long to get the Warrior perspective on things, these chapters are a delight (while also being horrifying). Seeing how idealistic these kids are, oblivious to the reality of their monstrous nation, breaks my heart.

I have no idea what's going on anymore.

all these new characters confuses me and i think its messy that we are presented to so many new people when the manga is almost done. also a fucking four year time jump??? i just dont feel like this is snk anymore all these new characters confuses me and i think its messy that we are presented to so many new people when the manga is almost done. also a fucking four year time jump??? i just dont feel like this is snk anymore

I can't wait to see Eren & Co! \>o

I think it was kinda satisfying to see Gabi's view on the world change since she seemed so cocky before hand.

I just want to see the main cast again.

Interesting to see all the technologies/evolution the middle-east clan: they can destroy Reiner's armor !

I hate 2 last chapters

Tbh i dont mind if they do a couple more chapters from marleys pov but at the same time i want then to go back to our mian cast just to see how after the horror shitshow of 92 ; how paradis is preparing for attack

YAMS my man dude bro I wanna know the dealy-o with Ymir ASAP thx

It confused the heck out of me but I got by

#snk poll #snk chapter 92 #snk 92

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