#and this isn't even the same kind of bitch as usual

[sunderwight]

It's so good when Shen Qingqiu takes care of Luo Binghe. In canon and also in fics. I especially am in love with when he does his hair or helps him dress, it's just so pleasantly domestic. Also endearing whenever SQQ gets a bit fanboy-ish about it, because that's Luo Binghe and SQQ can dress him up in every cool or sexy outfit he has a face thick enough to pay someone to actually make!

I wonder if he ever shares this wisdom with Shang Qinghua. Like at some bitching session or other SQH is sighing a bit about how MBJ always wears like the same three outfits, and don't get him wrong they're all great outfits, but he noticed Luo Binghe flaunting yet another fresh look the other day and part of him really wants to see Mobei Jun in something different...

And then Shen Qingqiu is just like, you're the Lord of An Ding Peak, you handle the basic wardrobe necessities for an entire sect? Go pay someone to make cool/sexy outfits and literally put them on Mobei Jun yourself! You're married to the guy, aren't you?

Shang Qinghua is like "wait you can do that? I can do that? that's a thing that's allowed?" and Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes and calls him a dumbass and points out that Airplane himself wrote about the intimacy of Luo Binghe's harem members dressing him and it being an even bigger deal for demons than humans, and Shang Qinghua cannot for the life of him remember this but it does sound sort of familiar. So off he goes to nervously sketch out some ideas for outfits, and then get told off by the seamstress he tries to commission for not having realistic ideas about how fabric works. But he does have Mobei Jun's measurements and after some discussion he gets a bunch of stuff that looks even better than his initial ideas, eventually, and then he just has to... give them to his king...

Shang Qinghua awkwardly presenting the topic to Mobei Jun like he's expecting to get a hard "no", but he blinks and his king is naked and standing expectantly in front of his fancy full-length mirror. Shang Qinghua has only ever helped Mobei Jun get dressed when he was injured in the past, and then usually only just putting his arms through some sleeves on an outer robe. They've undressed each other for sex, but putting the clothes on really is a different kind of intimacy. Especially an outfit that Shang Qinghua had specially made to suit Mobei Jun, to highlight the features he likes best about him. Striking blue and icy-white, with hints of An Ding's colors as accents, showing off his build to full effect, etc etc. Shang Qinghua layers each piece on and then does Mobei Jun's hair too, muttering quiet approval for how the look comes together while Mobei Jun preens under all the attention.

Of course, afterwards Mobei wants Shang Qinghua to dress him every day, which isn't always logistically feasible, and MBJ also intends to return the gesture.

Luo Binghe dresses Shen Qingqiu too of course, but Luo Binghe is aware both that other guys want his husband and also that Shen Qingqiu will refuse to go out in public if Binghe dresses him in anything revealing, even if he still lets him put it on, plus Luo Binghe was raised with human sensibilities about modesty. So all in all any "sexy" outfits are reserved for private time at home, and what he puts Shen Qingqiu in for daily wear is all stuff that is perfectly befitting a Qing Jing Peak Lord and scholar.

Mobei Jun doesn't have human modesty sensibilities and also doesn't see any reason why Qinghua shouldn't show off his own best assets while he's going about his day, so, Shang Qinghua is about to rue the hell out of a lot fashion-related world-building decisions he made a lifetime ago...

[ooffmlsorry]

OP Men Dating a "Girly Girl"

A/N: sorry this took so long and I haven't posted anything original in a minute my life is mess and I'm so very tired jfc...I know this isn't more than my usual group but I was just gonna stop at Luffy and then decided to add Ace and Sabo as a thank you because writing these and putting them on Tumblr has been really good for me, so thank you for always being here to indulge me 🥲 ❤️

Sanji, Zoro, Law, Luffy, Ace, Sabo

Sanji

Let's be honest, girly-girls drive Sanji craaaazzzzyy (not that all women don't, but he's definitely more partial to the feminine ones) Your make-up, pretty skirts and dresses, jewelry, and manicure, he can't help fawn over you constantly 😍Although you do it because you enjoy it, it's nice that your efforts are so appreciated!!

He spoils you soooo baaaddd!! He literally can't help himself when he sees something pretty or cute that reminds him of you, he has to get it for you. You're drowning in squishmallows at this point.

A river of blood shoots from him every time you show off a new outfit. You're going to kill him and he'll thank you for it.

Dressing up in nice outfits together, especially on date night, is a shared activity that you love to do together. Y'all are living your best happily ever after lives.

Ya'll definitely have scheduled self-care nights. You put on some slow music, open a bottle of wine, draw a bubble bath, all that.

He's utterly useless when it comes to helping you pick your outfits or makeup if you're stuck because he loves you in everything, it's too hard for him to pick. You're his perfect, beautiful Y/N-swaaaaan 😍💖💖✨

He does love to see you in pink or red though so he might default to those colors

Don't try to test your makeup on him lol, you're going to re-awaken the gender identity crisis...I mean Kamabakka trauma

Listen...I'm not saying Sanji has a mommy kink...I'm not even at Whole Cake Island so idk wtf is going on there. All I'm saying is if you give this man a bath, wrap him in a towel to dry him off, and rub him down with luxurious lotions and oils, you might awaken something...that's all...👀

ZORO

He has no clue wtf you're doing. If it weren't for the fact that there's no proof that witches exist in this world, he'd think you are one

He looks at your vanity full of serums, creams, scrubs, lotions, etc, not to mention the makeup and he's like "??????" Just completely baffled

But what do you expect? This man would use that five-in-one Irish Spring soap if he could.

Just because he doesn't understand it doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate and admire the fact that you have extensive knowledge in something he can't even comprehend

He knows you like nice shiny things, and again, while he doesn't get it, he does think it's really, really cute when you go starry-eyed over a necklace or an outfit in a store.

In the same vein, he knows how much you love cute things and animals. He has absolutely found a cute animal in the jungle, picked it up, and brought it to you just to show you because he knew you'd love it.

Sometimes in his own gruff way he'll agree with you that it's pretty cute. Thank you for helping this manly man admit things are cute and that's okay.

Other times, he's the one making sure you don't get distracted because it's so cute

Unfortunately and fortunately, you're pretty to him no matter what you do to yourself so it's all kind of a moot point to him.

You can try to ask him about which 'x' to wear, sometimes it's helpful because he'll throw out a really practical answer and then other times he's like "How 'bout you just go naked" 😏.

He'll wear a face mask with you like...twice a year. And he's going to bitch and moan about it but he does it because he loves you. The entire process is like trying to give a cat a bath "WHY IS IT SO COLD? THIS STAYS ON MY FACE FOR HOW LONG???"

Exfoliate this man at your own risk...I'm dead serious that water is going to be brown

LAW

I need you to know right now this man will let you paint his nails!!! I mean, not like gel or acrylics or anything, but he'll let you paint them any color as long as it's a dark shade of that color. You once designed Bepo on his middle fingers. He did in fact flip people off a lot more often when he had them.

Let's you wear a pastel boiler suit because you he loves you and wants to see you happy

Much like Zoro, he's got no clue what you're doing. He'll stand back and watch you while making the exact same face as the gif above.

He thinks he's being stealthy peaking around a corner to watch your morning or night routine, but you quickly catch on. Please please pleeaaassee ask him if he has any questions because he does. He's just really curious why you're doing what you're doing and what it does. It's basically skin medicine and he's really fascinated.

Knowing that you like shiny things makes his life admittedly a little easier, it's not that he doesn't think of what to gift you, he puts A LOT of thought into what he gives you, but knowing that earrings, necklaces, and bracelets always make you happy is great just in case of analysis paralysis or he forgets. Sorry.

Also you wearing the jewelry he gets you does something to him, especially a necklace he can pull on a little, mmhhm you're making this man struggle with impure thoughts.

You both love cute things, it's something y'all connect on. It's really good that you help him access that very neglected inner child of his and encourage him to coo and fawn over adorable animals with zero reservation.

He'll do skincare with you too when he's not super busy. He can admit it's kind of nice to sit in bed with a book, glass of wine, and a face mask and just bask for a minute

He acts like he hates when you rub serums across his face and use a derma roller on him but he loves it

Law doesn't really pay attention to your clothes, but when you really go all out he breaks out in a sweat and he can't keep his eyes off you.

LUFFY

I'm not saying he thinks it's stupid, it just...why have an hours long care routine when you could be going on adventure with him??? 😭😭😭

He will help you pick out your makeup but don't expect it to look good. You're gonna end up with neon orange eyeshadow and green lipstick. Like literally every "My Boyfriend Does My Makeup" youtube video.

Plays around with your stuff but that's because he has no idea what all these strange contraptions are. The moment you try to explain his eyes glaze over and next thing you know he's whisking you away to go do something more fun.

He likes the shiny bright stuff (highlighter), makeup probably is the only part he even remotely engages in because it's

Explain how contour works to this man and watch him lose his fucking mind, he thinks you're a shape shifter now (honestly this applies to all of them except Law and maybe Sanji)

He never notices what you wear, Nami is gonna have smack him on the back of the head to get him to realize you put on something fancy

Luffy points out everything, it just so happens that things he points out sometime happen to be cute animals

Hides in all the stuffed animals and squishmallows in your room to surprise attack hug you

*throws mud at you* "Is this the kind of mud you like, Y/N??" He really means well though.

You know those hair masks with all natural ingredients like honey and banana? Yeah, he's gonna start sucking on your hair like spaghetti...I'm so sorry.

He'll bathe with you but that's because he wants to be close to you, it's definitely not about being pampered or relaxing.

Try to put a face mask on him or something else and it'll just become a game of tag around the Sunny. You can't catch him and he's having a great time outrunning and outwitting you.

He knows this is all important to you so even though he doesn't get it he'd never make fun of you for it and the moment someone calls you "extra," he's kicking their ass.

ACE

Maybe all the glam is a little silly to him but that just makes you extra cute!

He will also absolutely let you paint his nails. Hell, he'll let you do a full beat on him just for fun and he'll wear it for the whole day because he's so unserious lol

...As long as he gets to do your makeup after...Much like Luffy you're gonna be covered in neon colors that don't even remotely match, but you guys have a great time lol

Admittedly likes to be pampered by you when he gets back from a long mission.

Please take a bubble bath with this man, it's not like the water is ever going to get cold!

I'm pretty sure you'd legitimately lead to Ace taking better care of himself. Got this man out here talking about his cuticles and shit lol

Honestly, it's really good for him because self care leads to self love and Ace needs a lot of help with that.

He tells Pops about all the stuff you do 1.) because he loves you and 2.) he hopes some of it will help Whitebeard heal a little, god bless him 😢

All of your hardwork doesn't go unnoticed, he legitimately gets kind of misty eyed when you really dress up because he's so so so lucky. He swears he doesn't deserve you.

He always brings back some kind of gift even whether it's a cute plushie or something exotic to wear from all of his long travels

I need to stress how much this means to him, everyone of these things is like a little proposal because he already knows you're it. Every little gift is leading up to a ring from this man.

He's also just genuinely impressed by the skill it takes to do your makeup so well, especially after he tries doing it on you

Much like his little brother unfortunately, he does play with all the little contraptions in your vanity, especially in the beginning because have you seen an eyelash curler? He's so confused lol

SABO

Sabo and Ace truly are his brothers because he really don't get all the effort lol

Admittedly, a lot of that is because he thinks you're so hot already what's the point???

Once he gets this is just how you are he's less confused, he's probably the most normal out everyone. He lets you do your thing, although he's really curious how you managed to always look amazing while being in the fucking revolutionary army!!?? Where are you getting the time???

If someone were to intrude on y'all on a free afternoon you're both in fluffy robes with face masks on and Sabo loves to pretend to act like a bitch when he's in selfcare mode with you lol

"Are you seriously bothering us right now, ugh! I can't even right now!!" And then you both break out in laughter

He really thinks you should teach others how to contour and do makeup because it has great applications for disguises and infiltration.

And brags about your skills to everyone

Wonders how many of your makeup supplies could actively be used as a weapon *eye roll* jfc Sabo

There's a part of you that secretly worries all your boujieness will remind him of his blood relatives, but he assures you that it doesn't because you have a good heart and he never doubts that

Besides, being a little extra with him helps him associate those things he used to associate with his blood relatives with you instead so it's even better

He spoils you so bad, but with a Sabo-flair, ie. stealing from shitty people and bringing it back to you because you're oh so more deserving of nice things let's be honest

He gets jealous of the cute animals that you squeal over hehehe, please hug him when he starts pouting

He'll always wear a little pink just for you ❤️

[meerash]

BSD Man finding out you are having pre period cramps

Part 1 (I'll do Dazai, Chuuya, Atsushi tomorrow)

Fukuzawa

"You all are dismissed. You can go home now" the president says after a long meeting that went on hours, it was for the protection of the some minister that you could focus on because your periods were near and oh god, does it hurts? Sitting for so long had made your back hurt like a bitch but there's nothing you can do.

You gather your file and make a move towards the exit before The president's voice cuts in your ears, "—not you, please visit me in the office"

His voices comes out as no nonsense, Yosano looks at you in sympathy but doesn't do anything. You hold a groan in your throat before following him in the office, all while hearing the office clear itself out.

"Yes, sir?" You ask him once he closes the door and sits on his chair. You notice how his silver hair are back to their usual length, he must have gotten a haircut, you note to yourself.

"You couldn't focus on the meeting today, what is it?" He asked, now that you are alone his voice is a little softer than before.

"I..." You scratch the back of your neck, you don't know how to approach that subject, "... It's just I had cramps." You speak finally, hoping not to sound embarrassed which you really were if the red tint on your cheeks was any evident.

Upon hearing your reason, The president's eyebrows comes together and he asks in a concerning voice, "Are you on your periods? You know we have monthly leaves for females for that"

"No, no, no" you try to correct him at once, "it's more of pre periods cramps" you wave your hands around like when you are trying to explain something complicated but doesn't have the write words, "it means that my periods will arrive in a day or two, kind of like warming flags."

"Oh..." He speaks after a while, "Are you okay now, how bad is the pain?"

You bring your finger and thumb together, almost touching but few millimetres apart, and a soft chuckle erupts from his mouth. all the seriousness gone, replaced with your favourite sound in the world, his laughter.

"Come here" he orders you and you follow him, standing before his chair that he has twirled in your direction.

"I said—" he pats his thighs, "—come here" and it was clear now that you were blushing.

Subconsciously your eyes went to the door, checking if it was really closed, before you hissed in embarrassment at him, "fukuzawa"

The man pulled you on his lap in answer, twisting your body around so that your back was faced with his chest, his hands glides on your waist, holding you steady "what, my lover?" He asked you, rubbing his thumbs on your lower back, massaging your pain.

A relived sigh involuntary leaves your mouth, at the relaxation you found by his big hands. If there is anything this man knew, it was how to give the best massage. You lean back in his chest as he continues massaging your waist.

His hot breath, tickles your ear, sending shivers on your spine when he sweetly whispers, "does it help?" and you reply in almost a begging whimper, "yes, it does."

"You know what else helps with cramps?" He asked in the sweet, calm voice of his.

"What?"

"Physical Intimacy"

Your face snaps at him, eyes wide open as you realize what he has suggested. It wasn't like you guys didn't had sex but in your relationship, it's always you who initiates or little subtle hints.

"Should we go home?" He asked you again, ofcourse he will ask you. He is the man of consent, he even asked you, if he can pet your cat which you thought was incredibly sweet.

"I... uh... Please?" You said finally, sex with fukuzawa isn't you'll ever miss, no chance in hell.

He picks you up in bridal style at once, opening the door, all while you were in his arms. You faces resting in the crook of his collarbone. Everyone else had already left or you'll never try this stunt. Nobody knows about your relationship in the Agency... Except Ranpo, who treats you like his mother despite being the same age and it's not like you don't spoil him like your own baby.

Ranpo

You were currently handling the police reports and case files of Ranpo's recent case. Sure, Ranpo solves almost case in minutes but that's all his does, you have to handle all his paperworks, which was increasing day by day now for he solves too many cases.

You look at the bundle of reports on your bed and sigh to yourself, not only does the lightening suck here but you can also hear the singing of Dazai from the next room. The walls of the dorm rooms were relatively on the thinner side. After putting on your headphones, you begin to work. Not half an hour, a sharp pain shoots in your lower abdomen making you double over in pain. You look towards the calendar and realise your date is almost here, a low gutteral sounds escapes your mouth.

"Couldn't have choosen better timing" you mutter to yourself, there are atleast three files pending for tomorrow.

You get up and look for some painkillers and realise you are out of them.

good thing the doctor lives next door to me, you think to yourself, making your mind to going to Yosano and asking her for some pills.

Before you can take a step in that direction, the gate slides open to reveal the greatest detective of the world in his pajamas, holding a bag, most likely snacks, you think to yourself.

"What is it?" You asked him, it came out a bit softer than you intended as if you body doesn't want to hurt the boys feeling, fuck this body, you think again.

"I missed you" he pouts in your direction, for the lack of better reaction, "The greatest detective comes at your door and you treat him in this way?"

"I'm sorry, My Greatest Detective but I am a bit busy and a bit in pain, maybe next time?" You plead in his direction, you don't time for this today, there are too many things to be done.

He huffs out, "I already know that, if I didn't, would I be the greatest detective in the world?"

A quizzical expression obscure your face, you tilt your head towards him, what in the world does he mean?

He rolls his eyes at your expression, "do i have to hold your hand and walk you through everything? I know that you have too many files to do, and you are having your pre periods cramps, and that you are out of pain killers and you gave your hot water bottle to kyouka few days ago, so you don't even have that, and your mood is a little sour which is why i am not minding that you didn't kissed me the moment i walked in"

He speaks like he is listing off things from a script, you didn't know wheather to laugh or cry. If he knows that everything sucks them why is he here to torment me?

He walks towards you, a lollipop in his mouth, he always have sweets in his mouth that's why you make him visit to dentist twice more than usual people.

"I got you yours things" He helds up the bag you thought holds his snack, instead when he empties it on the bed, they are just pain killers, a hot water bottle, and a box of tampon. I look at him but again before i could mutter anything, "you'll run out of your tampons on third day, for future"

"...thanks" you finally speak, in the slightest chance of hope, it hasn't occurred to you that Ranpo will ever use his detective skills like that but then again if you had thought about it, the reason yosano always had everything when you were on periods even before you two started dating was him. It was sure he liked to boast about things but his first priority has always been you, since thr day he saw you in the supermarket listening to kid with such intensity as if he was talking about something phenomenal when in reality he was just talking about his favourite cartoon. It was the same intensity of attention you flourished on him when you worked under his command (he begged fukuzawa to hire you, he already knew you will be a great worker)

"Now go to bed, Your great boyfriend will take care of everything" he hushes you, forcing you on the bed.

"But i have re—" you protest, but he cuts you off, "I know, I'll take care of it." He raises his brows and you know there's no fighting him now, not with that resolution.

Soon he hands you the painkiller with hot water and worked beside you as you rested. He had placed all the files on his lap, supporting the material with a pillow, working his way with one hand and the another roams through your hair, lulling you in sweet sleep.

You were almost asleep when he was finished with those reports. He placed them on your bedside table, cuddling next to you. You look up at his face which was centimetres away from your lips, his sea green eyes were looking in your direction with a love that no one had ever seen.

A soft smiles follows on his lips after you place a kiss on his jawline, he tilts your face upward with his chin,"tell me, darling. Am I the greatest?"

You wanted to roll your eyes at him but the sleepiness was too heavy, so you settle for the quite mutter of "yes, yes you are the greatest detective in the world."

"i mean the greatest boyfriend, my silly, who cares about the detective stuff." He whispers holding you closer. Even in your sleepy state, the words run a shock through your body, a blush crept up on your cheeks, you spoke only two words as you buried your face in his chest, "the best."

[doodler-jpeg]

Thinking about self aware! MW characters (plus Roach) who absolutely adore your laugh.

CW// gender neutral, unfunny men deserve to be slandered, favoritism is seen, badly translated Scottish and Spanish, this is based off of my interpretation (you can find the main fic link on my account)

Feedback and criticism are highly encouraged! Please tell me if anything is badly translated, out of character, or something else!

Ghost actively makes jokes that are guaranteed to make you at least giggle. Even through this weird mental barrier (for him) and your monitor's screen, it's so invigorating to hear some form of joy out on the field, especially when it's from you. It just makes that fuzzy feeling in his heart multiply.

"Thank you, thank you - I'll be here all night."

Gaz takes absolute advantage of this. He makes a few jokes here and there, but keeps it to interesting stories. In some instances, he just starts laughing out of nowhere and you can't help but join in. It's very clear he gets bitches on the daily.

"Didn't know I was that funny, but I'll take what I can get."

Price uses all of his past experiences with courting to get, at the very least, a giggle or two out of you. He doesn't have millenium of experience (contrary to your belief), but he's certain that his "old-man" charisma and his weird way with words. But he still tells some older jokes, so your assumption that he's older isn't completely wrong (he was totally raised by his grandparents).

"Would you like to hear a story?" *Tells one of the pointless joke stories that lasts for 10 minutes and has the stupidest punchline*

Roach can't really come up with ways to make you laugh. His preference of keeping quiet and faceless doesn't really help, either. Instead, he tries to point out some enemy on the field, signing insults to them that you're sure to understand.

'His head looks like a donkey, and he acts like one, too.'

Soap physically cannot keep you from laughing. He doesn't even have to make a joke, you just start laughing. He believes it's because he's just an immediately funny dude, but you're not going to tell him that he looks stupid with that hairstyle. If he does tell any jokes, they're not even funny.

"Dinnae ken how come ye'r laughing, bit keep daein' it."

Alejandro tries, he really does, and it doesn't work most of the time. It's kind of funny seeing this overly-confident dude absolutely fumble because of his lack of realization that your personality and humor aren't really the same as the people he usually catches. On occasion, though, he does get a rise out of you and can't stop smirking about it for the rest of the day.

Valeria has subtle jokes that rely mainly on her tone, but those aren't her priority. She doesn't mean to be rude (lies usually, but with you?), but she does impressions of your laugh and then comments on it. Usually they're not bad, but it does feel demeaning sometimes.

"Me gusta esa risa. Jejejejeje."

"You know why Mexicans call Americans 'gringos'? ... Would you like to?"

Rodolfo doesn't always try to make you laugh - he still gets a bit disoriented that you're no physically there (which means he can't see your face, but what is he gonna do about it?). His humbleness and large range of jokes really comes through, especially since he'd been the family entertainer at parties. If you can understand simple jokes in Spanish? You're practically set to be unable to keep a straight face, and he loves it. (Even if he doesn't understand it, he'll turn it into a mini lesson so you do)

"¿Qué dijo el gato cuando chocó su carro? 'Miau-to.'"

Nikolai has a handful of Russian jokes at his disposal. Are you completely guaranteed to understand? No, and he doesn't expect you to. If you do understand Russian, boy howdy is he gonna have the time of his life! You won't be able to breathe properly until he's out of sight!

"You see, it's funny because-" *explains joke if you don't understand*

Laswell is a huge fan of subtle jokes. She often makes small, funny comments that get light-hearted chuckles out of her. However, she also has older humor, which means you're less likely to understand unless you, too, are old (which isn't likely, but it's still a possibility). She likes hearing you laugh and really does try to get some sort of connection with you, even if it doesn't work.

"What did the chicken say when it crossed the road? 'Damn it, I missed the bus.'"

Alex is a funny man. He's aware of his effect on people and uses it to his full advantage. As a people-pleaser, he makes it his duty to get you to laugh as much as possible. If he doesn't make you laugh, he'll make himself laugh, and then you laugh. He's totally not putting all his effort into jokes just to get you to laugh or anything. He's just that guy.

"Me? A tryhard? Whaaaat? Psh- as if."

Farah has no business with nonchalant jokes, but she makes them work. While she does like the sound of your voice, she doesn't want to force it. She believes that intentionally funny words can diminish any genuine laughter, so she sticks to half-assing it in hopes you at least giggle. That's not to say she doesn't try to get you to laugh - she just does it far less, since she can't see your face (but she can just imagine the glee on your face if you get the giggles because of her).

"What is your type of humor? Asking for a friend."

Graves is unintentionally funny. When he tries, he fails miserably. He says a southern phrase that might not be super known? You're cracking up. He doesn't get it, but at least you're going 'teehee'.

"What's so funny 'bout me sayin' cattywampus? It fits the situation!"

[sanjifucker42069]

OPLA!Sanji x Reader - Blowin'

Word Count: 4.6k

I cut down some of the less, y’know, important stuff (the plot lol)

Warnings: oral sex (m!receiving), fem!reader, awkward first times, awkward af, the reader is a dipshit. I’m ngl this isn’t one of those cute first time fics where virgin!reader is suddenly a sex goddess, you are legitimately an idiot. As usual, written with a plus size!reader in mind.

Sanji finds out you’re a virgin. You suck his dick. Congrats!

Sanji was going to fucking lose it. Out of all the possible scenarios Sanji never once considered Nami would take you out to a bar to pick up guys. He brooded as he nursed his drink, Zoro rolling his eyes at the display. Sanji just growled. Usopp looked between them.

"How about another round? 'Nother milk Lu? Hey Sanji, why don't you come with me? I saw some hot chicks up at the bar."

Sanji just shook his head brooding. He looked to where you stood with Nami, laughing at some guy's jokes. He felt stupid at how jealous he felt.

"Hey, Sanj, man. Nami isn't gonna reciprocate y'know?" Usopp offered lightheartedly. Zoro scoffed from next to him. 

"It's not about Nami for once."

---

When Sanji's eyes found you again he saw you alone with the same guy, nursing a drink. Now that Nami was gone he could see the atmosphere had changed, you didn't seem happy like before. He watched as the guy said something and you shrugged halfheartedly. The guy then proceeded to wrap his arm around you. Sanji had known you long enough to see how uncomfortable you looked. Anger flared in his chest. The final straw was seeing the guy trying to tug you out of the booth to leave. You looked so defeated, it hurt. He began stalking his way to your booth.

"C'mon sweetcheeks, let's leave this dump."

"I'm good thanks, I should get back to my friends."

"I already told you bitch, we're going. I didn't spend all this time fucking around to go home empty handed. You're lucky I even stayed once your hot friend left. I'm doing you a favour, so hurry the fuck up."

"No, I really don't want to." You began, the man snarled, grabbing your wrist.

"It wasn't a question. You owe me. I don't go for ugly, but a hole's a hole, and from the back you're probably passable."

You had tears in your eyes from embarrassment. This whole trip was a bad idea. You wish Nami would come back. As the man tugged on your wrist harder you heard that gorgeous voice ring out. You tried to hide your face so Sanji wouldn't see the tears in your eyes. That last thing you wanted was for the crew to think you're weak.

"That's no way to win hearts Sunshine. So uncouth, and frankly, disgusting behaviour."

"Who the fuck are you? How about you mind your own business?"

"And watch such a beautiful lady be treated that way?"

"Beautiful lady my ass. The only thing you can know for sure about girls like this is that their pretty pussy is untouched." The man barked out a laugh causing you to wince. He snaked his other arm to cup your breast over your dress. You saw something flash in Sanji's eyes. "And I know I'm gonna really enjoy these."  

You squirmed, before biting the man. He howled in pain, releasing his hold on you. You quickly made your escape, rushing to cling to Usopp and Luffy, crying. You felt pathetic. Embarrassed that all eyes were on you.

Sanji saw red. You blinked back tears as you called out to him. Sanji was protective of all of you, but he seemed especially so of you. You knew it was because he saw you as some kind of little sister. "It's okay Sanji. Really, let's just go home. Please."

"No." He fixed the drunk man with a freezing gaze. "You dare touch someone so out of your league? I asked you nicely to piss off, but now I'm going to fucking kill you."

Before you could react Sanji had kicked the man in the chest. You watched as he began ruthlessly kicking and stomping the man, muttering profanities and sentences you couldn't understand. With a final stomp he huffed. Zoro finally pried Sanji away. You saw Nami returning, fuming. If you weren't so traumatised by the night you would have laughed at how Zoro pried Nami away too, holding the two brawlers by the scruff as they fought against it, looking like wet cats.

You don't remember how you got home. You remember Usopp covering you in his coat and dragging you out of the bar. You remember apologising to Usopp, crying that you needed to go back. The last thing you remember was Luffy running to join you, scooping you up and starting the walk back to the Going Merry, you, falling asleep in his rubbery arms.

---

"Ah my dear, you're finally awake. I made you something to eat."

You smiled tightly at him, thanking him. The way you played with your food tugged at his heartstrings. You looked so mournful. He pulled up a chair, sitting backwards on it, gripping the backrest. 

"C'mon lovely, don't make me have to feed you myself." He winked. Your lips twitched upwards performatively. Sanji frowned. "Look (name) about last night-"

"I'm sorry."

Confusion. "What?"

You cringed inward. "I'm....I'm sorry I ruined everyone's night."

"You didn't ruin anyone's night, that good for nothing prick did. Don't understand why you'd even go for a guy like that to be honest." He added bitterly. You frowned.

"I wouldn't normally. Everything moved so fast. He seemed nice...It was too late before I realised it's because he wanted Nami." Silence. "Once Nami left, I, well, I didn't want to cause a scene."

"So, what? You were just going to let him take advantage of you?"

You jolted, shocked. "No! No, I- there was no way he was going to-” 

“(Name), love, I know you can be a bit naive but-”

Your voice was small. “He said so himself! He..." you trailed off. "He didn't 'go for ugly girls'. And besides…he was right."

Sanji frowned, angry at the world. How could anyone make you believe that you weren't beautiful? That you didn't deserve some guy trying to take advantage of you? He took a deep breath, steadying his resolve

“There's no such thing as an ugly girl (name), and if there was, I can assure you you're not one of them.”

“Not that.” Sanji took in how you winced, trying to make yourself seem smaller.

What?

Sanji felt the wind knocked out of him.

You're a virgin?" He asked, clearly shocked. You bristled with embarrassment.

"Well...yeah, but I understand how it works! It's not such a big deal, I mean...I've just, I've never had the chance."

"Have you ever...y'know, at all? Not even a handy?" You shook your head. He flushed, you were completely pure.

He felt slightly sick at how his perverted thoughts twisted that. He could be your first, ruin you for all other partners. He could be the one to take your innocence. His cock twitched at the thought. Shame flooded him. You were his friend, his, admittedly, very cute friend. He shouldn't be thinking about you this way. His mind was racing with all the obscene thoughts he'd ever had, the deviant things he dreamed of. He was disgusting. You were too innocent, he'd felt guilty before, but now he felt like he was defiling you just by thinking about you.

You took his silence as pity and pointedly looked away from him, taking a deep breath.

"It's not like I don't want to. I do. But, ugh, it's so silly...no one has ever shown any interest. I'm not exactly a goddess like Nami."

"Darling, I don't believe no one has ever shown interest." He offered a smile. Gods if you only knew how badly he ached for you. How hard you made him. Now wasn't the time for him to blow your friendship over him thinking with his dick. You were being vulnerable.

"I don't need your pity Sanji. It's okay. You don't have to give me the 'everyone's beautiful in their own way' speech. There's more to me than my lack of experience! I'm a good fighter! I have talents, I don't need to be pretty. Just, sometimes, it'd be nice.". 

This wouldn't do. He had to try to fix this. He took your small hands in his, trying not to lose his breath at how warm they felt. Swinging them lightly, he stared into your eyes.

“You are a beautiful girl, you deserve way better than some kind of bastard like that. Men are pigs (name), you shouldn't trust any of them."

"I trust you."

Sanji froze. You peaked up at him shyly. He looked conflicted, and that caused you to smile sadly, misinterpreting the look. You withdrew your hands, fiddling with them in your lap. "I didn't mean that you should take one for the team Ji, I just meant that, well, I trust you. I don't think you're a pig."

"You shouldn't trust me." He lowered his voice. You stared at him, clearly taken aback. "I'm just as bad."

"No, you-"

"No. I'm an absolute pig darling. You aren't that dense surely."

You frowned. "Sure you flirt a lot with other girls, but that's just you! It's charming, non-threatening. I don't see you acting like-"

"I flirt with you too!" He tried, clearly exasperated. You smiled.

"Exactly! You make cute comments to me, and call me cute things like darling, but you're just naturally flirty."

Sanji groaned. Your smile slowly faltered. Sanji screwed his eyes shut. "I'm not 'just naturally flirty'...I mean, I am, I suppose, but I'm actually trying to flirt with you. I thought you were just being polite, but are you really that dense?"

"I....you are?"

"Are you kidding me?!"

"But, I'm..." You gestured to yourself. "You're more friendly than flirty to me?" 

"You're too innocent, it's not like I could just waltz right up and tell you that I think you're hot, can I?" He bristled. 

You felt electricity surge down your spine. Hot? Sanji thought you were hot? Sanji? 

Sanji took your silence as disgust. "See! That's exactly why I couldn't tell you."

"You think I'm hot?" He nodded. Your grin spread, hurting your blushing cheeks. Your eyes sparkling. "You think I'M hot?!"

"Yes, okay!" He sounded almost angry.

"Sanji, you're gorgeous! I'm too awkward. Too fat. Too plain. I'm not a model or some kind of beauty. And you're telling me someone as handsome as you, thinks I'm attractive!? And I-"

You stopped, really thinking about what he said. "Innocent? I....well I suppose. I'm not that innocent though."

Sanji's nostrils flared. "Not that innocent? Please love! You prance around in those low-cut tops and shorts in front of everyone, thinking that they ain't gonna go ballistic? You're too trusting of men, thinking that we aren't all beasts inside."

You laughed, still riding the high of his praise. Sanji snarled, banging his fist on the kitchen table. "No! It's true. You think someone doesn't see the way your tits look and salivate? You don't think you would make anyone insane? You don't think I got so fucking hard when you told me you're a virgin?"

He froze, blood turning to ice, clearly regretting blurting out that last bit. You stared at him, eyes round with wonder. He avoided your gaze, cringing at what you said next.

"I...I make you hard?".

"I'm sorry (name), that was very ungentlemanly of me. I didn't mean to say that last part." 

"But you did." He felt warm hands prying his open and playing with his fingers. He flitted his eyes up to see your face red, staring at him with your eyes practically sparkling with mirth. "God, I've wanted you to fuck me for ages, and now you're telling me you've actually wanted to this whole time?"

Sanji stiffened, cock twitching. He ached painfully. He felt parched, throat burning. This had to be a joke. "You...what?"

"Yeah. Fuck. I, mean, the clothing was purposeful at first, I wanted you to notice me. I had no idea it was working though, haha!"

"WHAT!?"

"Yeah, I thought you knew? You never noticed I only wore those kinds of clothes when you were around? You never noticed how I tried to cling to you in the kitchen? I just assumed you knew and thought I was gross, so I pulled back." You laughed. "Did you seriously think that because I'm a virgin I can't think sexually?"

"But you've never-"

"You've never said anything raunchy to me like you do to other girls. I thought you saw me as a little sister. It'd be weird if someone you saw like family told you they want to suck your dick."

"Fuck." He hissed. 

"Oh this is too good! Have I been torturing you?" You laughed, running a hand up his arm. "You must be so frustrated."

"You have no idea." 

"I could help you." 

Sanji groaned. "You can't say things like that."

"Oh." You pulled back, back to being timid. Even if it was at his expense, Sanji felt the loss of your confident persona. Fuck he really was a masochist, wasn't he? "I, um, I'd need you to guide me. But if you did want help, I'd like to be the one."

"God, you have no idea what you're doing to me." He heard you giggle lightly. He opened his eyes to see you biting your lip, staring up at him through thick lashes, a blush adorning your chubby cheeks. He throbbed.

"You could show me? I promise I'll be gentle! Please Sanji? Can I pretty please touch your dick?"

Sanji felt like he was going to explode from how cute you were. 

"Fuck. Please."

You squealed in excitement, jumping up from the table, both his arms in hand. He wanted to laugh at how innocent you looked, but instead he felt a lump in his throat. You didn't notice, pulling the seated man into an awkward, crushing hug.

"C'mon! C'mon what are you waiting for? Let's go!" 

"Go where?" He laughed at your eagerness. "In case you haven't noticed darling, we aren't exactly alone."

The way you deflated was comical. What wasn't was the wicked glint that formed in your eyes. Sanji gulped, that was never a good sign. He watched as you quickly dashed out of the kitchen. Sanji looked around, confused. Minutes passed. He got up from the table, moving over to the kitchen island, hiding his lower half behind the counter, lest one of the crew wandered in. He sighed, willing his boner away. 

Bang!

The door flew open. Sanji jumped. There you stood frantically in the doorway. Your hair a mess, breathing heavy, and that wicked glint set on him. He watched as you closed the kitchen door, taking a chair and boarding the door. You grinned, stalking towards him.

No. There's no way.

"We aren't going to be disturbed." You were practically vibrating in excitement.

"What? No. Not in the kitchen. We. Eat. Here." Sanji hissed. You peeked up at him, lip pouting. 

"Please? I'll make sure there's no mess left." You pleaded. 

No mess? Sanji closed his eyes and groaned when he realised what you meant. You were going to be the death of him. When he opened his eyes you were in front of him, staring at him shyly. He startled.

"Can I kiss you? Or is that too far?"

Too far? He wanted to cry. You really had no idea what you were doing to him. He bent down. You grinned. He wrapped an arm around the back of your head, pulling you closer. You tipped your head up. He smiled softly before placing his lips on top of yours.

Your lips locked together like the last piece of a puzzle. You sighed, eyes flitting closed. You pushed further against him, trying desperately to pull him closer. He tasted like cigarettes but you didn't mind, an addictive taste for an addictive man. You wanted more of him. You kissed him feverishly, reluctantly pulling back for air. You stared at the taller man through lidded eyes. He gazed down at you lovingly, a blush high on his cheeks. His blue eyes studied your face closely. 

Sanji laughed as with both hands you pulled his face back for another kiss. His skin was hot, your hands now cold against his cheeks. You tasted sweet and he wanted to devour you so badly. You were too cute. He felt you pull him closer to you. You were kissing and sucking at his lips before you felt it. Sanji bit back a groan, feeling your hips brush against him. He felt pure embarrassment as he heard your breath hitch, pulling away. He opened his mouth to protest but was cut off by a groan as you experimentally pushed your hips against him harder.

"Oh my gods." He heard you whisper against him. He froze. "Oh my gods it's so-"

"We can stop if it's too much dar-LING!"

He squeaked as he felt both your hands rake down his chest, you humming contently as you kept yourself pressed against him. He felt overwhelmed at how eager you were. He'd never had someone so upfront in wanting to touch him. His cocked throbbed. You mewled lightly, causing another throb.

"Oh my god it moves?" You giggled. He cracked a smile back. You were so innocent.

Sanji had made one crucial mistake though. That was thinking that just because you were inexperienced, that meant you would be submissive. He felt you cage him against the countertop, the wood digging into his ass, your hands on him. It wasn't that he didn't like it, the dissonance was making him dizzy. He felt your hands find purchase on his waist. You breathed out a dreamy sigh.

"God your waist is so fucking tiny."

Sanji bristled with embarrassment. He tried to address it without upsetting you. "Love, that's not exactly what I want to hear."

You giggled. "I can't help it, it's so hot. You could kick my ass if you wanted, but holy fuck you're just letting me feel you up. Gods I've seen you fight, I've seen how thick your legs are, but fuck your waist is so little."

Sanji hissed. He'd never experienced anything like this before. Your hands migrated upwards, resting on his pecs. Your slow pace was driving him insane.

"Can I?" You gestured to his shirt.

"Fuck, love, I'd love to, but maybe when we have somewhere more private okay? Don't want to be too unclothed if someone tries to come in. Same with you okay? Don't want anyone to see something so gorgeous." He smiled at you. You nodded your head, practically buzzing at the idea of this happening again. He winked at you. "You could take off something else though."

Sanji was shocked and delighted at how quickly you dropped to your knees. You began playing with his belt, figuring out how the clasp worked. Sanji scrunched his eyes shut. Fuck, you were so eager! He never would’ve expected it to go like this. Despite your eagerness you were so gentle, as if you were afraid of touching him. He was going to prompt you, but instead you softly pulled his zipper down and began drawing the fabric down till it sat mid thigh.

Oh, fuck. There he was, huh?

You looked at his clothed cock, studying It like it was some kind of strange bug. You wanted to laugh at the comparison. Above you Sanji was flushed, embarrassed by your staring. You ran a finger over the bulge. He hissed, his dick jumping lightly. You couldn't help the giggle that bubbled out of your throat. 

"What?"

"It's so cute the way it jumps."

"Maybe this was a mistake."

"No no no! I promise I'll be good. Can I, um... do I?"

"Just...hah...do what you think is right. I'll...correct you."

Sanji let out an undignified squeak as he felt you lightly grab the clothed bulge. You massaged it, feeling what you could, watching with curiosity how the man above you writhed. Exploratively, you moved your hand further back, cupping his balls through the fabric. The friction of the fabric against bare skin was pure torture.

"Oh shit!" Sanji whined. You withdraw your hand like it burnt. "That's, god, that's really sensitive okay? You're killing me sweetheart."

"Sorry." You mumbled, placing a kiss to his bare thigh. The "strange bug" jumped again. You began peppering more kisses to his thigh. Once you reached the inside of his thigh you breathed deeply, he smelt musky, it made your mouth water. Experimentally, you licked the inside of his thigh. Sanji's thigh tensed. You licked upwards in long stripes until you reached the leg of his underwear. You gave a quick moment of hesitation before you blew air over the bulge. Sanji hissed. Smiling, you placed a kiss directly over the top of his bulge. 

"Did you just kiss my dick?"

"Mmhmm. Watch, I'll do it again." You placed an open mouth wet kiss over Sanji's clothed cock. The man above you threw his head back, whining softly. The fabric was dampened with a mix of your spit and something else. You saw how taut the fabric had become. You cooed. "That looks like it hurts." 

Sanji nodded. You looked up at him.

"Can I take them off?"

He shuddered. "Fuck. Please (name)."

With curiosity you began dragging the wet underwear down his hips, settling them at his mid thigh. His musky scent overpowered you, and you watched with fascination as Sanji's cock slapped against his stomach. Looking up at him you saw how tight his eyes were scrunched, knuckles gripping the countertop. You noticed how he shivered lightly at the exposure. Sanji's cock stood, large, imposing, and leaking. You breathed out a curse. It looked gorgeous, just like him, long and lithe. His happy trail led to a neat little patch of dark hair. You salivated. Eyes drawing to your prize, you winced at how red and angry the head looked.

Sanji thought he was going to kill you when he felt you tap his cockhead like a microphone. Instead he bucked his hips away, humiliation colouring his face. "Stop that! I know you don't know what you're doing, but please use your brain dearest." 

You mumbled an apology before rubbing your hands together, trying to warm them. He watched as you wrapped a hand around his dick before moaning lowly. You studied him, absolutely enraptured, as you gave a test pump. The man above you crumbled. 

"Do you always get this way?"

"No." He panted.

"Just for me?" You tried sultry, trying to muster up some quote from a smutty novel you once read. Sanji peeked one eye open before groaning.

"No." His voice was strained, breathing heavy. You tried pumping him, but the rhythm was sloppy. "N-no. You're...it's a lot right now. I'm not used to it being this slow…or clumsy."

"Do you like it?" You looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Unfortunately." He muttered. With a burst of pride you tried pumping him harder. Sanji squealed, grabbing your hand. "Fuck (name), I really need you to spit in your hand. Th-that's painful."

"Oh...sorry." You offered. Sanji watched as you perversely spit in your hand, wrapping the digits back around his cock. You tried setting a rhythm, it was sloppy, but you focused on giving him consistent squeezing pressure. Sanji moaned lowly at the squeezing, hips rocking. 

Soon you reached a steady rhythm. You watched with bated breath before you slowed down. Sanji began to whine from the loss, only to keen loudly as he felt your lips enclose his cockhead. He began spluttering, eyes rolled backwards. He'd take anything right now, fuck he wanted to cum so bad. He sucked in a breath.

"No teeth, okay love?" 

You laughed, the vibrations tickling him in the best way. He moaned, trying desperately to not fuck your face. His eyes were so tightly scrunched.

You slowly forced yourself further down his length, squeezing the base. Sanji swore. You froze, taking a deep breath through your nose. When he didn't stop you, you continued your devotion. 

"Ack!" You choked, throat burning. You felt Sanji's hand patting your head. You retreated off him, coughing.

"Darling don't take more than you can okay. We don't want you to choke now."

You gazed up at him, eyes wet and throat hoarse. "Let me try again!" 

Your raspy voice made Sanji quiver, but the way you looked up at him, absolutely wrecked, made him burn. As quickly as he noticed it, it ended, and you unceremoniously inhaled his cock. He could feel you try to smile. 

"Fuck!" His voice was high as you sucked hard, adding your tongue to flatten against the underside of his cock. "(Name)! Baby, fuck, I-"

"Hey why won't the door open?" Zoro's voice rang through the wood. Sanji stilled, holding your head. The two of you looked at each other frozen. Sanji tried clearing his throat. 

"If you keep making noise out there, I'm gonna explode, Mosshead!"

You snorted, trying hard to not laugh. 'Yeah you're gonna explode,' you inwardly snickered. 

"Whatever shitty waiter." 

Silence. Sanji looked down at you. "Darling, maybe we should stop. It's okay, we can try again another day." He froze at the frustrated look that overtook your features. "Fuck." He whispered.

You sucked harshly causing Sanji to bite his hand hard to avoid screaming. He felt you try swallowing, watched as tears pricked your eyes. You didn't slow down on your work, sucking harshly and hands wandering. You grabbed a fistful of his asscheek, other hand tracing circles on his inner thigh. You felt him tensing, quivering. His hand reached for your neck, trying to coax you off. He was so close.

"Oh god!" Sanji gasped. "Baby I'm gonna cum, you need to hop off-AH!" 

You sucked harder, milking the man through his orgasm. It was like music the way he spluttered and grabbed the back of your head, nails scratching your scalp. You felt hot, thick liquid painting your throat. It wasn't pleasant, but fuck his reactions were. Some dribbled out of the corner of your mouth and Sanji wiped it away with a thumb, a fucked out expression on his features. He pulled his softened cock out of your mouth, and watched, breathless as you swallowed his seed. You made a grimace afterwards causing the man to laugh.

"Was it okay?" You asked, shyness taking over you. 

"You're lucky I don't mind a bit of torture. It was good for a first try." He gave you that flirty grin and a wink. "I think you need more practice though."

You laughed, outstretching a hand so he could help you up. You tried stretching your legs, noting the numb pain in your knees. You wrapped your arms around his middle. "Was I that bad?"

Sanji pulled his underwear and pants back up, zipping his pants closed. He pulled you closer. "Nah, you're just something else entirely. Silly." Kiss. "Torturous." Kiss. "And I am smitten with you."

"We've wasted enough time, better get back to it." You smiled against his lips. 

"I'd love to pay you back."

"Later loverboy, we're gonna have the whole crew in here soon if we don't hurry."

"I'm so glad there's a later."

You winked, straightening your clothes and heading for the door. You stopped, turning to stare at the man.

"For you baby? Always. Oh, can you make souffle?"

"What? Why?"

"I told the guys we were making a souffle and needed the kitchen completely silent."

Sanji laughed. You definitely kept him on his toes.

-----------

I'm not going to lie, some of this is coloured by my first time hahaha! I am an incredibly awkward person, and yes I did also once tell a guy how cute I thought it was when dicks jump. He also told me I was fucked for that ha!

[wrr000]

"like a shadow"

Summary: The ghoul you hired for protection liked you more than both of you would expect.

Warnings: english isn't my first language; really short; it's from my Cooper x oc fic, but idk if I should post chapters here; pure soft; inner thoughts; reader is similiar to Lucy

»»————-　♡　————-««

You finally made it to town. Walking thru the wasteland felt like an endless journey while burning sun was always watching every step of foolish humans, who dared to cross these lands. And it wasn't the only threat waiting for your mistep. You earned that stop to rest and gather strength. He deserved it as well.

This place was pretty civilian. By the standards of the wasteland, of course. People were trying to live a "normal" life and some constantly pretended like The Great War never happened. You didn't mind it as long as they didn't act suspicious towards you. Besides, he was here and that made you feel... safe. Kinda. Weird nonetheless.

He was the one who announced parting ways in town and you kindly agreed (like you had a choice).

"I'm goin' to check what chems they got here, think you can handle things on your own, Vaultie" - usual smirk appeared on his fucked up face.

That ghoul was driving you insane. Even after paying him for escort and protection he was still threatening you and bitching around that he actually doesn't care about you and if something big is going to happened - his life goes first, not you. But the sad truth was - you couldn't really blame him.

Ironically, someone like him turned out to be the kindest thing you met since reaching the surface. He was terriyfing, cruel and nothing alike anyone from the Vault. But as time passed, you saw something more in him, under that hard shell and feeling of fear passed. His action were still shocking to you, but wasteland has it's own rules and you started to understand that.

It wasn't a suprise that Cooper didn't want to walk around the town. You felt like he couldn't stand you. But it was fine, you kinda enjoyed exploring and discovering the town alone. Just like the good old times as a child in the Vault.

Little you knew that you had a shadow. Unaware of a pair of penetrating eyes watching your every graceful move. Your smile was the brightest on the whole planet and every small gesture was full of passion. Analizing you very carefuly. You didn't saw him, but he saw you perfectly.

It was hard for the ghoul to admit it to himself that he grew fond of you during your journey together. Very hard. Worst, poor bounty hunter realized that he had a soft spot for a stupid naive Vaultie. Thankfully, you didn't notice anything and he could suffer in silence.

You reminded him of a long gone humanity. Always kind and polite, naive as hell, delusional and annoying. You even never judged him for being a ghoul! Ohhh, how he hated you, but loved at the same time. You were like his human half, a long lost part. He knew you wouldn't last long out there, people like you never lasted long.

Cooper took this job for money of course. You offered a good amount of caps and it was equal with massive stock of chems. But now, he thougth to himself, it would be a shame if something happened to you, right? That's why he was doing an "extra" job. Always watching, even if he didn't had to, always protecting you, even if you didn't noticed it.

In a long long long time the ghoul felt like a human again. It was pissing him off, but he missed that feeling. Well, he missed his whole previous life actually, more than he would like, but you kinda started to filling that void inside his ghoulish heart. Slowly.

[appleblueberry-pie]

Yandere GF Yuki +Yandere JJK Harem

A/N: Please just read these first few sentences if this is too long for you. I intended for Yuki and reader to have some sort of dom x sub relationship. Like it runs in her blood to be at least slightly masc. I've been fantasizing about this idea for much longer than I realize. But being able to do this with a literal bad bitch at the top of the OP podium is a dream come true and a treasure. Like I don't think you guys understand, I seriously think Yuki is for the girlies. I see so much queer potential in her, it's not even a joke(hence, the photo). The Yandere Harem includes briefly mentioned Platonic Yanderes(Yuji and Nobara) and more in depth juggling of the mentions of the Romantic Yanderes(Yuki being the main, and the rest taking whatever crumbs they can take. So, Shoko, Gojo, and Nanami). I feel like this isn't going to be organized whatsoever because I usually just write whatever with no kind of order, soooo......idk.

Yuki was all you needed in a person, in your opinion. No one knew you better besides her. You knew her and she knew you. If you could, you'd stay in her arms until your muscles hurt from staying in the same position for so long, and maybe then, you'll be molded together for eternity. That's how much you love her. But of course, her infatuation with you is so much more than a slight obsession for the one you are closely connected to. Everyday when she sees you, she feels both of your spirits connecting. When you two approach each other from different sides of a room, both of your cursed energy seem to blend together like food scents combining to make one sweet aroma. Two separate things colliding so well together.

She can't even fathom the idea of you not being hers. She can't think of a moment where you'd ever leave her either. Her confidence in your devotion and love towards her continues to sooth her mind and body. And she wishes it was just the two of you on this planet, but of course, people try to break you two apart every day. She tries not to mind it, knowing how to handle these types of situations and knowing you know how to hold your own as well. But it seems like everyone loves to test her patience.

Speaking of patience, everyone can tell Gojo was quickly running out of patience that somehow still remained in his body. You two have been together for four years, why haven't you broken up yet?! Not a single one of his relationships lasted this long. Ever. But you two continue to stare at each other as if the other created the sky and water. It's supposed to be you and him doing that. Not you and her. It's not fair and he was getting mad again just staring at the two of you. He tried everything. He tried to give his best flirts with you, tried to get you alone, which worked a few times, but you stayed strong and continually told him no. Fuck, he even fought Yuki. But you found the two of them battling to the death and he'd seen you so angry, he had to step back. The way you stared at him is a face he never wanted directed at him ever again, so he stopped trying to intervene. Only sticking to the waiting game, and it was taking too long.

Nanami was better at waiting. He was better at staying in his place, staying quiet, acting innocent and holding up face. But even he wanted to step out of line to see what it takes to get you to pay attention to him. To get you into his arms. He used to bring the two of you coffee every morning when you showed up at work together, struck conversation with the both of you, spoke with Yuki more than he did with you to try and steer away possibilities that he was trying to get at you. He thought he was good at what he did. It shook him to his core, disturbed him, when he was pulled into a dark room by you-know-who and was asked of his real intentions. "What? Did you want a threesome? Trying to break us up?" She taunted him, telling him he was just like Gojo, trying everything in his power just to get at her girlfriend. Told him it was obvious when he stared from across the room, crossing his legs to hide his boner like a teenage boy. She laughed in his face and cornered him into a wall, threatening to tear out his jugular. "She likes you more than the other rats scattering around us." But he knew better than to assume that would ever be a green light to continue with his tricks. She told him to keep silent like he usually is, and he won't lose the only life he has. He gave up.

Yuki and Ieri formed an alliance. If she keeps an eye out to protect you from the horndogs that constantly surround you, she can talk with you as much as she desires(as much as Yuki allows her to). But in your eyes, Shoko is a weird case. Because you see her more than you do the rest of the men at Jujutsu Tech. And even though Yuki always tells you to watch out for Shoko, she only lets you freely hang around her more than everyone else. You assumed they spoke of something alone because Yuki almost always pulls her away to have a secret conversation about something you can't ever think up an answer for. Shoko was great to you though. Always gave you snacks, was hilarious and knew how to make you laugh. She never smoked around you, saying she doesn't want you to breathe in the flames. And not only that, she flirts with you constantly. But Yuki never seems to care much when it happens. Maybe they became friends not too long ago...? You can't put your finger on it.

It doesn't help that she likes to show you off. It really doesn't help. Often, everyone follows the both of you to get a chance to talk to you. But when she's right there as your guard dog, it brings their chances back down to a zero. And they would just push her away and bribe someone to just throw her in the ditch, but Yuki isn't just a regular shmegular person to fuck around with. She is, in fact, a special grade sorcerer who would fold a good 85% of the sorcerers in her area if she were pushed to do so. So, you are just a beauty to see from afar.

Complimenting your cute outfit before the two of you go somewhere in town, making you spin, squeezing your ass and making you laugh. Kissing your sweet lips and being able to breathe in your scent. They see it all and can't help but fucking fume at not being able to have you. They probably won't ever have you.

Yuki also wishes you'd stop talking to the brats that constantly berate you. Nobara and Yuji are constantly in your space like little puppies excited to see their owner after a long day. Nobara will whine excessively if you are about to be pulled away, or is pulled away. You love to give her hugs and even little gifts that you know she's wanted for a long time. Yuuji consumes every snack you give him in exactly one second, and you tell him every time to please chew it slowly(he never does). He has such convincing puppy eyes and requires you to stay with him for an extra three minutes, which for each minute, Yuki plans to threaten him to leave you alone(they almost fight every time). You treat those two as if they were your children and people can't help but feel extremely jealous every time. Of course you give the younger ones affection, of course they get your snacks, attention and loving. And of course they get the OK to do it because they're young. It makes everyone else sick to their stomach with anger.

Her biggest concern right now is you're telling her about your new friend you've made(that she can't find and stalk for some reason). You say he has long and healthy hair, is very sweet to you and you two talk about religion all of the time and that he has very interesting "political" views. She knows he's a sorcerer because she can smell it on you every time you come back from an outing alone. She knows that this asshole wants you and makes it known by bringing you back to her smelling completely different and she can see his lingering energy surrounding you. It pisses her off. She's definitely gonna have to do something about it.

Anyways. Yuki has it best, obviously. Her only goal is to get you out of sorcery and to just become hers full-time. Not like you need anything else to worry about besides her. I mean, she could just provide for you entirely. She tells you every day that you're lucky that she doesn't have a real dick, because things would definitely be different if so. It makes you squirm happily and she loves teasing you about it every time with her wolfish grin. She knows she'd get some soon if she says it with that playful and hungry tone you love.

[demiesworld]

HE (AIN'T) MY MAN! | choso kamo

☆— synopsis: choso is the emo kid at their college and is in a secret relationship with popular reader. it's been bugging him lately that they have to keep their relationship on the low. so he thinks it's time to put an end to that.

☆— contents: nsfw, rough sex, mean!choso, bratty!reader, size kink, spanking, unprotected sex, p in v, orgasm denial, dirty talking, degradation kink, mention of drug use (weed), big dick choso, dumbification, doggy style, cervix fucking, sub!reader, dom!choso, just the usual filth

☆— notes: i got the inspiration for the smut from kentheman "not my n*gga" originally i had wrote this with gojo in mind, but gojo bby is too overrated rn so i decided to write smth with my bby girl choso. i wrote this with a black reader in my mind, but the reader is not described as black. so yeah sit back and let's get some coochies popping.

"You want to act like you're so tough?"

His large inked hands slapped on your round ass cheeks the flesh stinging right after his cruel slap to your skin.

"You want to play like you're the one running shit?"

Again his hands smacked you on your ass and you squealed before letting out a sharp hiss.

"This is what bitches like you get. Fuck yourself on my dick. Fuck that pussy on this dick, yeeeah, just like that, throw it back."

Choso was kneeling on the bed behind you, his thick and long cock embedded into the warmth of your pussy. Though he wasn't doing the work this time. He wasn't fucking you like he would. It was you that was doing all of the work. You had been at this for a while now, on your hand and knees, throwing your ass back on Choso's dick. As he sat there doing nothing to help you out. Not even the whimpers of you complaining about your knees getting weak nudged him to move. He was just kneeling there watching as his dick would disappear into your heat then reappear coated by the slick of your pussy. Your ass recoiling at each pathetic plunge you made.

What happened for you to end up in this position?

Earlier you were at the mall with your group of "friends", girls that Choso didn't like because they weren't your true friends just a group of followers, when it happened. You were in the food court at the mall with them when one of them spotted Choso ordering himself food.

"Hey Y/N isn't that Somo?" One of them says out loud and points to Choso's back facing you four.

Did he mention that your friends were kind of stupid? A bunch of dumb bitches that only had one braincell among the group (the one braincell being you).

You clicked your tongue and rolled your eyes at your friend. "His name is Choso, girl, and yeah that's him. Why you so worried about him for?"

"Because it's like... I've been noticing that every time we are out with you Choso is always like around. Like when we're at school, out having lunch, or meetups like this." The first friend said to explain her concern.

A second friend spoke up, "Yeah girl it's like he stalkin' you or sum."

The third one joked, "Y'all must be dating if he be popping up whenever you be out."

You slam your drink down on the table, your sudden irritation confusing the girls, and you spat, "I am not dating that... loser." You say with conviction.

But that loser is the one that drives you to your destinations. The same loser who you suck off in his black Hellcat. The loser that you tell to drop you off just a block away because you don't want to be seen with the "emo kid" of your college campus. Who was the loser in this?

Besides you told Choso a week ago to stop lurking about when you are out with your "friends" due to this situation like now. They point out things that are in fact true, but you can't let them know it is because you want to keep your relationship with Choso secret. For one thing that you wanted to keep your reputation.

Today that was going to end though. It started when your friends kept pressuring you into proving that you and Choso weren't dating at the mall. Their words were getting your mind, so you shot up from your chair and headed over to the table Choso was occupying by himself. The table just four tables away from yours, but your group of fakes had a front row seat.

"Why are you following me around?"

Choso was half-way to take a bite out of his burger when you appeared next to him. Your arms on your hips, eyes narrowed at him, and a scowl on your lips. He looked up at you with a shake of his head and scoffed at your attitude, "What are you talking about?"

You got up in his face and accused him, "You've been following me around at this mall all day. My friends told me you've been doing that."

"Friends? You mean those dumb bitches that you let hang around you? Those friends?"

Your voice lowered to a whisper for him to hear, "Just act like you're gonna leave and-"

"No."

You stood there shocked when you heard Choso say that word. It was a word that you weren't used to hearing from him. You could feel that something had switched especially when Choso stood up to his feet. His figure towering above you as you had to tilt your head up to look at him and he lowered his eyes to look down at you.

"B-baby just act-"

"I said no. Did you not fucking hear me?" He took a hold of your wrist and held it tight. "I'm getting real tired of acting like we're ain't a couple when you know for a fact we are. That shit is ending today." He dragged you over to your table and gathered the bags of clothes, makeup, and perfumes from clothing brands that you bought.

Your friends were all surprised to see Choso holding onto your wrist so firmly, especially when you and him were supposedly "not" together.

The first friend from before asked nervously, "H-Hey where are you taking Y/N you creep?" She had stood up from her chair as if she was going to try something.

"She's going home with me, and you sit your ass down. You're not about to get into the middle of this." He glared at her, waiting for her to sit down and when she did he looked back at you. "You're done hanging out with these group of whores."

Choso and you left the mall and got into his car to head back to his apartment. On the way there it was quiet. You didn't say a word to him, scared that if you do it could cause a bigger punishment for you. When he pulled into the parking lot of his building, usually Choso would open the car door for you, but this time he didn't. He just walked up towards the staircase of his apartment door leaving you to sit in the car with a angry look on your face. You shot out the car and slammed his car door, hoping he heard it, as you left your shopping bags and stomped to his apartment. Choso was unlocking the door with his keys when you were coming up the staircase. Just as you were going to enter right behind him he shut the door behind him and you growled from his rude behavior.

You opened the door and slammed it shut, remembering to lock it, before you storm into the living room where your boyfriend sat lighting up an unfinished blunt he rolled that morning.

"What the fuck Choso?! You didn't see me walking behind you?!"

He didn't answer you. He just inhaled the smoke of the weed and blew it out through his nose. His legs were spread on the sofa. You were standing across from him, just the coffee table separating you both.

"Oh I get it, you're mad because I got up in your face at the mall isn't it? I was trying to tell you to just act like you were going to leave and not show up around again, but you weren't listening to me! If anything, it should be me that is supposed to be mad! Not you! You don't have no reason to be mad Choso!"

By the time you were finished with your little monologue, Choso had put out the blunt (now a roach) he was smoking. He looked at you with an expression that you couldn't define. His dark brown eyes were heavy-lidded, his full lips were in a straight line, and jaw clenched. You wanted to say he looked angry, but at the same time you didn't feel it.

"Are you done?" You go to open your mouth, but he raised his hand to stop you from yammering. "You," He pointed a finger at you, "Did not hear a word I said to you at the mall didn't you? What I told your ass went in the ear and out the other ear didn't it?" Choso stood up from the couch and took off his shirt. "Take your clothes off. I'm gonna teach you a lesson tonight princess."

Now here you were on your knees and slamming your hips against Choso's as you fucked yourself on his dick. Your nails were digging into his bed sheets and needy moans left your mouth. The room was getting hot since you were sweating while throwing your hips back.

He had told you in the midst of this not to cum on his dick. You were working hard not to do that, but with the way his dick kept prodding at your sweet spot it was getting impossible for follow his directions.

Choso slapped his hand on your right ass cheek when he felt you clenching around him. "Don't you dare fucking cum on my dick. You cum when I fucking tell you to bitch. You got that?" You nod your head, and he smacked you on your ass again. "Huh?"

"Yes! Yes! B-baby please, pleeeease, fuck, I'm sorry! 'M so- so fucking sorry!" You wail out and your knees tremble causing you to collapse on the bed. Choso's dick popped out of your pussy wetly, and he watched as you wriggled on the bed trying to lift your hips back up to take him back inside of you. "B-baby c-can you- put it back in please?"

"Do it yourself. You don't need me right?"

You whine and shake your head, "No! No baby! I do need you!"

His hand slaps you on your ass causing a moan to leave from you. "Then do it yourself."

Fuck he was being so mean to you. You panted heavily as you lifted your hips up from the bed and reached behind to grab the base of his cock. A lewd squelch could be heard when his fat tip entered your pussy followed by your head tilting back and a long moan to escape.

"Fuuuuuck! Fuuc- baby please," You squeeze your eyes shut, and had tears brimming at the corners of your eyes. You looked back at him, drool coming out of your mouth as you slurred, "Please can you fuck me now baby? Can you fuck me? Please baby? I want your dick so b-bad!"

Choso's lips crack into a grin and he hovers above your smaller body. His large hand comes up to your neck where he gently squeezes it in his palm. You tilt your head back and moan when Choso's hips slowly move forward till you can feel the head touching your cervix. You gasp and shudder, biting down on your bottom lip whilst curling your toes. He teasingly rolls his hips in slow wide circles emitting whines from you.

"Hmm... you want me to fuck you?" He murmurs into your ear, and you just rapidly nod your head. A hand coming up to hold the inked hand on your neck. "You want this dick to fuck you like the dumb bitch you are?" You nod your head again, looking at Choso with unfocused glossy eyes. "Then after this, we're not gonna be secret anymore right?"

"Uh-huh, uh-huh, y-yes, yes, just please fuck me baby."

Choso tightens his grip on your neck and it forces a gasp out of you. He stops rolling his hips just after he whispers, "Then you better hold on to something." You scramble to grab the pillow at the headboard, and your boyfriend laughs. That pillow was going to be no support in keeping you from bouncing away from his dick. Whatever then.

"Arch that back for me, just like that, hold it right there."

As soon as you got the pillow in your clutches, Choso quickly snaps his hips onto the curve of your ass. His heavy balls slapping onto your clit as your cum was splattering on his pelvic bone. You choked on a moan as you felt his fat cock ramming right into your cervix and causing your eyes to go cross. You let out soft grunts while your boyfriend fucked you like an animal from behind.

"FFF-FUCK! FUCK! BABY! B-BAB-BYYYY!!" You squeal, writhing on the bed and making an attempt to run from it.

Choso wasn't having none of that. He lets go of the front of your neck and pulls your hips back to his own.

"Nuh-uh. None of that," He mutters and slaps you on your ass. "None of that shit. This what you wanted right? This what you wanted right?" He was repeating the question to you, but you were too high off of his dick to answer him. "Lay here and take it. Take it, take it, take all of it." Choso held you by the back of your neck now with one hand, the other one gripping onto the flesh of your hip. Your boyfriend's mouth kisses you behind your ear and he husks, "I don't wanna hear you say you can't take it." A groan follows.

You whimper pathetically into the pillow beneath you, tears staining the fabric mixed with drool coming out of your mouth. "Cum, g'na c-cum! 'm gonna cum!"

He leans his muscular body off of yours. With his hand still holding you by the back of your neck, Choso pounds his hips away, directly bullying his cock into your cervix. His voice was saying, "You wanna cum? Cum on this dick. Cum for me. Cum on it." Your moans escalate into higher pitches and transition into shrill screams of indescribable pleasure.

"Sssshit! Baby! Baby! Ohhh fuuuck!" Your walls tighten around Choso's dick and he still doesn't stop fucking you. He keeps thrusting forward into your heat, helping you ride out your orgasm, while he chases after his own. You whine when Choso never quits in rocking his hips back and forth he's purposefully trying to overstimulate you. "Come on baby p-please -hic- please!"

Your boyfriend shushes you gently and he places a hand over your mouth. A whimper leaves from your mouth, but you're forced into silence when he speeds up and adds more strength into his thrusts. His body is practically moving you up on the bed, to the headboard, when you grip the tufted upholstery for support. You scream into his hand and he chuckles at you; his lips kissing your cheek.

"I know baby, I know, just listen to that. Yeeeeaah. Listen to how wet that pussy sounds. Hng, fuck baby, I didn't want to do to this, but - fuck - those dumb bitches you call friends, ha, they shouldn't have gassed you up." You cry out behind his hand as more tears roll down your cheeks in thick hot streams. Choso doesn't relent when you sob underneath him. Instead the tears egg him on, "Don't. Ever. Let. Another. Stupid. Bitch. Gas. You. Up." He was pounding into you with each word. You claw your nails at his arm, begging for him to stop and let you take a break. He pants against your neck and then growls when he feels his balls tighten up.

"I'm gonna cum in your pussy, and when I do this - shit - this relationship ain't gonna be secret no more."

"Uh! Uh! Uh! Hm!"

He chuckles dryly and groans, "I'll take that as a yes. Ooh, fuck, shit, I'm gonna cum." Choso lets go of your mouth finally and grabs a hold of your hips. He plunges himself back and forth in rhythm to his words, "I'm gonna paint, these, fucking, w-walls!" He stills his hips when he releases his hot cum right into your womb. You roll your eyes to back of your head and shudder as an intense orgasm crashes over your body. Choso's chest rises and falls in tune to his heavy breathing. His shoulder-length black hair sticking to his sweat-covered face and the black line across his nose smeared due to the perspiration.

His softening cock slowly pulls out of your abused pussy with a wet "pop" and your hole gushes with a mixture of his cum and yours. It trickles out onto his bed and down your thighs and folds. The sight of it is fucking filthy, but it was just enough to put his claim on you as his girl.

BONUS...

"Girl we haven't seen you in almost three weeks!"

"What the hell happened to you? Why are you wearing that?"

"What did Choso do to you?"

Your old friends had found you at the college campus after not contacting them in three weeks. You had been recovering from the punishment that Choso put you through and adapting to being true to yourself and not being a leader to these fake friends of yours.

You look at all three of them and said, "Nothing happened to me, I just had an epiphany. I'm wearing this because I'm not going to be leading you guys around anymore. And whatever Choso did to me it is none of your business."

As you go to walk past them but the first friend grabbed you by your wrist. "Y/N! You can't just leave us like that. We're friends! I thought you said Choso wasn't your man anyways!"

You snatch your wrist away from her, "Choso..." Your eyes look around the empty hallway for him, but you didn't see him. Which was fine, you didn't need him to have to courage to say, "Choso is my man. He's been my man since XX. He's not a loser like all of y'all dumb bitches."

One of them emphasized, "Dumb bitches?"

"Yeah, dumb bitches." A deeper voice appeared from behind you, and an inked arm with your name tatted on it slung over your shoulder. "These bitches bothering you baby?" Choso asked you as he glared at the three fake friends.

You shake your head and look up at him contently smiling, "No they're not baby. Not anymore."

Choso cupped his hand underneath your chin and hotly kissed you in front of the trio. He smiles in approval, and hums, "Good girl."

☆ — notes: WWHEEWWW CHILEEE.... i need me a man like choso to put me in my place. i mean like- if i get me a man that can treat me like a queen but fuck the attitude outta me i would be happy y'all. i would. ANYWAYS lmk what you think! ♡♡♡

[eva-of-the-sea]

Y'all ever notice that Fujiko receives a disproportionate amount of hate in the fandom? I'm sure it's something we've all seen, especially if you're a fan of her, but I don't really see it discussed.

I'm bringing it up now because for the past couple of months, I keep running into new fans that are very vocal about disliking her. And while I understand that everyone has their preferences, the reasons they give for why they hate her bother me the most:

"She's a bitch, she's so awful to the poor guys and especially to Lupin."

"She's a slut. She's constantly using her body to get what she wants."

"She betrays the gang so much it's annoying how she always does the same thing."

"It's the writers' fault for making her so unlikable."

While I partially understand one of these points, some of these other ones confuse me.

Fujiko is a character that looks out for herself. She goes into every heist with the thought of "what can I get out of this?" And despite this, she's been shown many times to care about all of the gang. Yes, even in part 2 where folks usually base their hatred of her off of. This is because she is a multifaceted character that isn't just driven by a single motivation.

"But Jigen and Goemon hate her!"

Do they? Because while they do get mad at her shenanigans, we also see them going out of their way to protect her and comfort her. Hell, Fujigoe is a common canon occurrence! Do you really think Goemon would be dating her if he didn't like her? Or that Jigen would be pushing her out of the way of bullets or shielding her with his body if he didn't care about her? Being mad or annoyed with someone's actions aren't the same as hatred. No one ever points out how they get mad at Lupin, and I'd argue that happens more often!

And on the point of her being a slut...where? I'm genuinely confused with this one. Fujiko does use her beauty and charms both to manipulate rich men into giving her treasure and to get out of dangerous situations. That's kind of the point of her being a femme fatale. But how often does she sleep with the people she manipulates? Most instances I can think of, she knocks them out when she gets that far. In fact, I would argue she doesn't seem to be that interested in having sex at all. Do they count her flirting as being slutty? If so, c'mon. And even if she did sleep with her targets, why would this be a bad thing? Are women characters not allowed to have sex? And again, how come Lupin doesn't get the third degree for HIS sluttiness. In fact, I see people joke about it and celebrate it if anything.

On the point of her betraying gang, yeah it is very one-note and does get old. You know what else is very one-note? Literally the actions of every other character in the show. I don't see people complaining about Zenigata chasing the gang getting old. Or about Lupin flirting with every woman he sees. Or about Jigen and Goemon using the same weapons in the same way to get out of every situation. Y'know, maybe this is just a repetitive show! And tbh, the writing lately has been shaken up. The modern series doesn't really have Fujiko betray the gang much anymore. She's either off doing her own thing or she's working with the gang as a member of the team. A lot of people complain about parts 4-6, but I think this is one of the elements it does right.

And finally, on the note of "poor Lupin", I think this one pisses me off the most lol. The fuck y'all mean "poor Lupin"?? I think fans either forget or don't realize that Lupin is a pretty smart guy. He knows Fujiko is most likely going to betray him if he does something for her, the bastard LIKES IT. This is foreplay for both of them. In case you haven't noticed yet, both of them are kind of freaks lol. There's a reason that most of the time, Jigen and Goemon are mad at HIM. Lupin is not a poor sweet baby that needs protection from Fujiko. He specifically loves the chase, the constant push and pull of their relationship. She's an exciting challenge for him, he's a stable home for her.

While I agree that Fujiko has not always been written great in the past, and I'm sure a lot of that was due to misogyny, I think fans need to reevaluate why they criticize her more harshly than the rest of the gang. There's a lot of things she's done that the fandom deems unforgivable, yet the boys have done some of the same stuff without so much as a slap on the wrist. Lupin constantly puts them all in unnecessary danger. Jigen has made some really unsavory comments about women. Goemon has betrayed the gang more than once. And I don't see nearly enough discussion about how Lupin really used to push himself on Fujiko, to the point of it being uncomfortable sometimes. Like damn I'd sell his ass out too😬.

I think it all boils down to Fujiko being a woman. And as a woman, she has to work harder to please the fans. If she's too nice, then she doesn't really have a personality or a reason for anyone to like her. If she's too selfish, she's a mean bitch and everyone should hate her. What if people saw her as a character first? Because no she's not a good person, but neither are the rest of the gang. Their morals are all on a sliding scale of what works best for the plot. But damn she's a great character. She stands out on her own and really makes you remember her. She's so much more than "the girl" character, and I'm so grateful for that. I hope more fans come to this conclusion too.

[chaifootsteps]

one thing that always bugged me was the suggestion that childhood flashbacks prove definitively that Stolas is a good father

but he's more of a bare minimum functional father

comforting a child from a nightmare is like the baseline of parenthood, a sign that their need to be cared for and loved is being met. From what little we have we know he is better than Stella in this regard.

But here's the thing - it's not only simplistic to say someone being a good father to a five year old makes them a good parent, end of, it's also kind of worrying.

Because of course Via and Stolas got on better when she was little - she was easier to please and not yet old enough to understand what was going on with Stella and Stolas, even if she sensed the cracks as she grew up.

It makes total sense to me Stolas stopped being able to reach Via as she got older - besides teen years being turbulent in general Stolas just doesn't have the emotional maturity to truly perceive and understand other's needs. Via had to literally run off crying before he noticed she wasn't having fun at Loo Loo Land and she straight up told him she didn't want to go at the start of the episode.

I'm asking the fandom to please stop treating a good parent to a five year old and a good parent to a teen/young adult as the same thing. It's not uncommon for abusive/neglectful parents to say things like 'what happened to us? we used to get on so well when you were young!' when what they mean is 'I liked my child better when they didn't articulate needs I was incapable of meeting, when they didn't expect me to treat them like an equal with feelings and when they were easier to control'

Stolas isn't the worst parent out there but he's not a good one. He's bad at understanding other's perspectives to the point he seems incredibly dense and it's disturbing the show frames 'Via should be happy with the bare minimum from him even when he breaks promises and is more concerned with chasing his imp obsession around or bitching at her mother than her' as a heartwarming moment and plays it dead straight

Thank you for this, because this is so incredibly important both in the context of HB and without. It's like adopting a baby monkey...it's easy to love them when they're tiny little things that just want to cling on to you, not so much when they're full grown, thinking people with their own complex emotional needs and a desire for independence. My parents were dream parents when I was a kid, but when that kid turned into a teenager, they told me repeatedly to my face which one they preferred.

If paying attention to Via is the bare minimum it takes to be a good parent, then right now, it's Stella who takes the crown since she's the one Via's usually off living with while Stolas sulks around the empty mansion waiting on his sex slave.

[barrenclan]

RAZMERRY, WHEN I GET YOU.

and it all comes back around!! pinepaw finally figures out who the dream canine is! we all knew ranger is a sick son of a bitch, but honestly these saccharine words are even worse (and freakier) than usual. and rainhaze, "you just have to feel it", because his ideologies don't make sense.

i love redpelt's outburst, she's so betrayed by the cat she quietly loved. and slugpelt's confusion and even joy at seeing her brother again, only to have it come crashing down around her. and cormorantpaw acting to help slugpelt, because he understands pinepaw and he understands what it's like to have someone you love murdered. pinepaw who still wants to help rainhaze in his final moments even though he's done so much harm, and he's only stopped by thinking about his sister.

the subversion of the sleep-death motif, oh my god, he's scared, he doesn't want to die, he's cold. death isn't soft, or warm, or sweet; he thought out of starvation or murder, murder was the better option. but it's not, because you go out the same either way. it's not a kindness, it's cruelty. but I do wonder exactly how much of the coldness stems from the way he's alienated himself from everyone who loves him, and clings to those who only see him as a toy and a weapon.

i do like that both your comics are currently exploring death, in wildly different tones.

sorry if this is all over the place haha :')

Ranger (and Defiance, and cults, as an extension) uses emotionality to get people to panic and take action because their arguments don't hold up under rationality.

I feel like my writing is getting freakier as I get older and I don't really mind.

Rainhaze's post-Defiance views on violent death (note this - it's important) as being warm and comfortable is definitely a coping mechanism to deal with the damage he's done to people he loves, or even just innocent people.

That sort of thing just happens when both your comics are in their final stages at the same time, haha. Timing worked out like that.

[yourbloodysunrise]

Hi! I saw your blog and I love your writing btw.

Can you do a separate platonic hc of Ninjago ninjas (+Wu and Gaemadon but they're optional) with a male oc who's basically a lot like Sun Wukong from Lego Monkie Kid, but different?

Basically same idea, super powerful immortal dude thought to be gone, that caused havoc with the hierarchy. Unlike Sun Wukong the legends doesn't describe him as a hero, but as a cruel destructive monster, and yes the legends are true. So then dude was sealed away for centuries until villains freed him to help them conquer Ninjago and destroy the ninjas.

But then dude just doesn't, like straight up doesn't want to because he doesn't feel like it, turns out he's very chill and easy-going, also lazy, looks very human and normal but still powerful as hell. And then he just seems to take interest in the character that you're writing the hcs for, acts very mocking and condescending towards them for being 'mortals', likes to scare the shit out of them, will do it more often if they are scared of him, and sometimes show them what is supposed to be forgotten techniques and knowledge out of 'pity'. He actually do care about them but won't show it unless they're in actual real and serious danger. And may tone his annoying habits down with time.

As for Wu and Garmadon same thing he just acts way less condescending and mocking towards them than he does with the ninjas but it's still there.

🌤 — my, that's sound interesting!I'll do all my best to try making this as you expected to see :)

❝ Isn't this guy should be a villain? ❞

— FANDOM: NINJAGO

— PAIRING: MAIN NINJAS(+MASTER WU and MASTER GARMADON) x MALE!OC

— PLATONIC

— HEADCANONS

— TW: BAD GRAMMAR, BAD ENGLISH, OOC, IDK HOW TO CALL OC SO HE MENTIONED AS "you" xd, NINJA'S DON'T REALLY LIKE DUDE AND I CAN'T BLAME THEM, CAN CONTAIN SPOILERS

LLOYD:

☆ ┈ Like almost everyone else, at first he will treat you with distrust.

☆ ┈ It's like, "you're that dude from the legends, right?Shouldn't you be, well, evil?"

☆ ┈ Most likely, you are interested in him because of his status. The same green ninja who defeated the Overlord himself in the battle against good and evil, but is still a teenager?

☆ ┈ How intriguing.

☆ ┈ He is usually annoyed by your taunts and responds to them with sarcasm.

☆ ┈ You can't blame him, imagine that some guy from the legends is awakened by villains, but instead of fighting you, he starts just walking next to you and mocking you, and you can't even do anything about it.

☆ ┈ At first, he will be scared if you start scaring him, but over time he will get used to it and stop paying attention.

☆ ┈ He's really trying to treat you better, but your taunts in his direction put him off.

☆ ┈ Now, let's talk about what can fix the situation.

☆ ┈ For example, if you show him some kind of combat technique that is considered forgotten.This..Flatters him. No, really, he's pleased.

☆ ┈ Perhaps at some point you will offer him additional training to develop his potential, because "as a green ninja you could do better."

☆ ┈ I had the idea that you would literally be Lloyd's bodyguard at the time when the Sons of Garmadon took over the city.

☆ ┈ You is like: this girl Harumi hunting this green whiner? Pfft, tough shit. *secretly running away to kick her ass*

☆ ┈ Soon you will become something like..Friends, almost.

☆ ┈ Lloyd starts to like your company, but with time, and you stopped mocking him(not quiet, but in the most part)

☆ ┈ Others ninja's honest reaction when you two suddenly began to get along: 😶

— "I feel like I can be myself around you!"

— "..You're weird and lazy around me."

— "Think about it."

NYA:

☆ ┈ Her reaction to you would be "I won't hesitate, bitch." AND IT'S TRUE.

☆ ┈ Nya been hostile to you for a long time, mostly because she doesn't fully understand you.

☆ ┈ Wow, a dangerous dude who could destroy you turns out to be lazy and calm guy, and also constantly hangs out around you and laughs at you?

☆ ┈ Cool, yeeeaah…

☆ ┈ And why?

☆ ┈ You are definitely interested in her personality.  Independent, brave, but at the same time sensitive and also diffident. What a cocktail of feelings!

☆ ┈ You won't be able to scare or offend her, she'll get kind of angry, but she'll just try not to think about it.

☆ ┈ Due to the fact that Nya usually does not pay attention to you, some people from the outside see you as something like friends. It annoys, but it amuses you.

☆ ┈ After that, you will purposely call her like "bud", "darling", "Lily pad"..Just to see her reaction.

☆ ┈ Your relationship can definitely be called complicated.

☆ ┈ If the villains freed you during/before season 5, you will be the one who will help you train. Nya doesn't seem to mind, but she doesn't understand why you're helping her despite her hostility.

☆ ┈ I think she's just closed to you, but there will be times when she'll soften up. For example, if she is in danger and you help her.

☆ ┈ Over time, Nya may become more in contact with you, because in her eyes you cease to be an enemy. She is not ready to see you as an ally, because she still doubts you, but certainly does not consider you an enemy.

☆ ┈ It seems to me that Jay might be jealous, but not as much as he is of Cole. If your presence touches the love triangle of Jay, Nya and Cole, then you would be the one who pushed Nya to talk to them about it.

☆ ┈ Of course, it would sound something like "Come on, I just started to like you, pull yourself together and deal with them, don't make me change my mind!"

☆ ┈ But hey, you at least tried, right?

☆ ┈ In general, you have a dynamic of dangerous creature that for some reason simply refuses to destroy, and a person tired of it who cannot get rid of the creature.

— "What's up with you?"

— "Mm, what do you mean?"

— "You've been nice and helpful all day. What's your game?.."

JAY:

☆ ┈ Guy is completely confused and does not understand why you paid attention to him.

☆ ┈ Come on, man, there are so many people here!Just go away, okay?

☆ ┈ When you try to treat him condescendingly, Jay just either jokes or interrupts you and leaves.

☆ ┈ He actually feels uncomfortable about it. Like, is he worse than others, since you are bothering him or what?

☆ ┈ Jay could be really scared if you start scaring him, and if you continue to do this, he may start to get hysterical about it and try to get into a fight with you.

☆ ┈ He is stopped in time, but he will still feel hostility towards you for a long time. It seems to me that he is the most vindictive towards you of all.

☆ ┈ You will have a hard time if you try to establish a relationship with him. Yes, you care about Jay, but at the same time you treat him mockingly, so it definitely makes him angry.

☆ ┈ He, like Nya, will not quite appreciate your gesture if you reveal to him some forgotten knowledge. As it were, he would rather be confused and try to figure out why you did it.

☆ ┈ In order for you to somehow fix the relationship, you will most likely have to not scare him at all and turn ridicule into jokes. Only then will he think that you are not so bad.

☆ ┈ Jay will definitely start liking you more if you help him with Nya. No kidding, if you "out of pity" give him some advice without ridicule, he will be very grateful to you.

☆ ┈ In general, there are four phases in your communication with Jay: Denial, Anger, Confusion, Acceptance.

☆ ┈ I recently reviewed Skybound, and if I may mention it here:

☆ ┈ If you were freed after the events of Skybound, then he can mention you about it after the Acceptance stage, when he will already trust you at least a little, but not fully;

☆ ┈ If you were freed before/during the events of Skybound, I am sure that you will be the one who will actively protect Jay, so that you will instantly move to the stage above Acceptance, but I do not know exactly what the outcome of events will be, so be content with what you have :p

☆ ┈ It seems to me that you would have the dynamics of a more sensitive MK and Macaque, if compared with LMK.

*Jay and Nya look into each other's eyes*

*You open a can of soda*

— "Hey, can you keep it down?!We're having a romantic moment here!"

— "And I have soda."

KAI:

☆ ┈ Unlike others, he perceives you as a kind of rival.

☆ ┈ Kai is not mind a good opponent in the form of you. He is overconfident in this..However, this has always been his problem.

☆ ┈ Maybe you decide to feed his competitive spirit simply because it amuses you?

☆ ┈ Kai can't fight you seriously, considering that it's not in his best interests, but when it comes to something not deadly, he doesn't mind taking the initiative.

☆ ┈ For example, if you live with a ninja (no matter how much times they try to kick you out), he feels that he has to compete with you.

☆ ┈ You, finding an opportunity to have fun in his fiery mood to fight with you, play along with him.

☆ ┈ Because of this, you two really can't called enemies. You treat each other almost the same, make fun of each other or just joke, sometimes it feels like Kai doesn't even know how powerful you are. (most likely, he does not know, and he will find out later, but it is too late and he does not change his attitude towards you)

☆ ┈ This is probably a rare case where a ninja doesn't hate you right away. I would say that Kai finds you a rival, not a villain, especially considering the fact that you refused to destroy the ninja, even if you did it just because you didn't want to.

☆ ┈ He will often ask you to fight, of course you don't fight at full strength, so as not to flatten him against the wall, but enough to knock the spirit out of him.

☆ ┈ Kai is definitely the one who will train with you. At first it's just your usual duels, but with your advice, and later he can easily use your techniques. At some point, he may even actually fight you.

☆ ┈ The main thing: not overdo it!Other ninjas didn't like when you accidentally knocked Kai into the wall last time..

☆ ┈ If you were freed before/during season 4, expect a lot of work. In the end, what can you do if your favorite ninja is trying to fight an snake army of crazy noodle man, a fire snake squeezes all the strength out of him, some ghost inhabits his friend and also many bullshit?..A lot of work!

☆ ┈ P.s. When you scared him, he tried to scare you for 2 more weeks in retaliation.

— "Nice scar, hot head, but hair? Gosh, what you was thinking about, bud?"

— "Ha, you're the one who telling me that? You should see your hair after being sealed away for damn centuries!"

ZANE:

☆ ┈ He is..not sure how to react to you.

☆ ┈ Thanks for not helping the villains and all that, but is it necessary to mock him?..

☆ ┈ By the way, whether you will mock at him or not is a big question. Let's take a look at the possible options.

☆ ┈ If you were freed during/after 4 season, then you will most likely laugh at Zane for being a robot and easily incapacitated.

☆ ┈ If you still caught a moment when he looked like a human, then everything will be the same, BUT after he sacrifices himself and restores himself as a robot, your honest reaction will be this: 😳

☆ ┈ You can say that in the second option you leave Zane alone, because you most likely have already become attached to him and are just glad that he is here again.

☆ ┈ In general, it will probably be difficult for you to tease or scare him simply because he either does not understand most of your taunts or does not react in any way. Often both. And it doesn't work to scare him at all, he just passes by.

☆ ┈ He's strangely polite to you, and that puzzles you. Soon, if you stop mocking him, he may begin to see you as something of an ally.

☆ ┈ Zane will be grateful if you share with him something that is considered to be forgotten. Most likely, it will become publicly available later, so don't be surprised.

☆ ┈ P.I.X.A.L. DOESN'T like you, she constantly warns Zane that you are still a dangerous villain who brings destruction. In order for her to start trusting you, you'll probably have to save Zane from some bullshit.

☆ ┈ I thought back to season 11, and I had the idea that maybe Zane as the Ice Emperor could remotely remember something about you. (yeah, this is exaggerated, but listen-)

☆ ┈ Of course, he doesn't remember you fully, but he remembers that you were connected to him. Perhaps he has a silhouette of you or something in his memory, so his minions are strictly forbidden to attack you.

☆ ┈ All in all, to sum up, the two of you have a dynamic of "I can fix him." and "Haha, funny robot, lol."

— "You should stop acting ridicilous."

— "Well, someone's gotta be jester for the court, after all."

COLE:

☆ ┈ Okay, let's start with the fact that he doesn't understand you.

☆ ┈ Yes, exactly doesn't understand. Cole can't understand why you refuse to fight the ninja, why do you hang around him so often?

☆ ┈ He would be flattered by your attention if you didn't behave so condescendingly towards him.

☆ ┈ Cole finds you..Annoying, but at the same time, he's not against you. He wouldn't want you to help the villains who freed you capture Ninjago instead.

☆ ┈ Sometimes you can have fight, and, well, it's unpleasant for both of you..

☆ ┈ Cole is physically strong even without his elemental power, although it reinforces this, you are just as damn strong, but not completely physically. Because of this, you both get hurt in your fights, and your relationship noticeably hinders your ability to get closer.

☆ ┈ Soon, when he starts to get used to you, the fights will stop, but quarrels are still possible. Most often they happen if you make fun of him or try to scare him.

☆ ┈ Despite your quarrels, you and Cole are a great duo!In fights, the opponent should pray that you are not alone, otherwise nothing good will obviously happen.

☆ ┈ Both of you will soon relent. There are fewer quarrels, you become less condescending towards Cole, and he in turn becomes more relaxed with you.

☆ ┈ Show him an old, forgotten dance!No ancient knowledge or techniques can arouse his interest as much as dancing.

☆ ┈ If Cole has free time and Jay is busy, he prefers to spend it with you. Yes, you are not the best choice..But he likes you, so you have a pass!

☆ ┈ He most likely prefers to train with you, or, what else is better in his opinion, just be lazy with you. He even tried to teach you how to play his favorite video games.

☆ ┈ Your complicated relationship, even after a long time, will become something like a friendly one. Cole likes your presence, you like his personality.

☆ ┈ You form a strange but successful collaboration. Other ninjas don't say anything about it, because they see that you care about Cole, even in your own way.

— "I want a cake.."

— "Me too."

— "Let's steal it from that fiery guy!"

— "..."

— "Well, why not-"

MASTER WU & MASTER GARMADON:

☆ ┈ First, let me explain why they both in one headcanons, when others separate.

☆ ┈ Considering that Wu and Garmadon have lived for about a millennium, you are most likely familiar with them. Perhaps were even friends until you began to destroy, and Garmadon succumbed to evil? Who knows..

☆ ┈ I prefer to stick to that version that, and therefore it will be more convenient for me to write about them together.

☆ ┈ In this, you are interested in Wu and Garmadon rather because you are curious about what happened to them while you were sealed. After all, so many years have passed, you'd like to know how they went!

☆ ┈ If so, this explains why you mitigate your annoying habits with them. It's rude to mock old acquaintances, isn't it? This is definitely not the way to greet your friend!

☆ ┈ While you are trying to restore your friendly relations with Wu and Garmadon, despite everything you have done, Wu treats you neutrally, and Garmadon is more lenient.

☆ ┈ God, please don't mention that you and Garmadon are similar in that you both tried to destroy Ninjago, it will infuriate the hell out of him because unlike you, he was literally forced to become evil. (cough Overlord. cough)

☆ ┈ You're just trying to get your friendship back, which you're having a hard time doing. Garmadon is disappointed in you because of your actions, and Wu does not want to stir up the past because he already has a lot of problems related to it.

☆ ┈ Mocking or trying to scare one of them will most often end up with you being hit on the forehead with a staff. Because you've been sealed for centuries, you don't look very old, but they already look old, so you look like a naughty child and his guardians.

☆ ┈ For some reason, I have a feeling that you can make friends with Lloyd in this. In the plan, you probably won't be condescending to him just because he's Garmadon's son, and he'll be friendly with you.

☆ ┈ If you were freed before season 5, then rest your soul, because Morro can't stand you. If you have not yet been sealed at the moment when he was still a student of Wu, then he remembers you perfectly well, and this is BAD, because no matter how he resents Wu, he knows about your former friendship, and believes that you betrayed his Master, and for him this is unforgivable.

☆ ┈ At some point, they will most likely start to get used to you, which means they will stop being wary of you. You wouldn't put up with it for so long just to get back at them in the end.

☆ ┈ The dynamic of former friends, one of whom tries to restore friendship, and the other two ignores him, but eventually accept him, I think.

— "Heeyy!It was long time ago, friends!"

— "We're not your friends."

— "How do you even get in Monastery?"

— "..Okay, you two didn't miss me, I got it."

..:*･ﾟ☆.｡.:*･ﾟﾞ｡.:*･ﾟ☆.｡.:*･ﾟ🌤

🌤 — ah, I've finally finished writing this!sorry for the long wait, I had no motivation for some time, but here we are!

🌤 — I decided to do Wu and Garmadon because I long to write for characters that are important in the plot, but for some reason no one asks for them :/

🌤 — but here we are!hope you like it, come back soon!☆ <3

[youcouldmakealife]

SOTM: Gabe/Stephen; largesse (pt II)

For the prompt: Gabe and Stephen being sappy at SOME point

Follows this.

Early on, Gabe worries he’s wrong about his 'Stephen loves holidays' thesis: Easter’s during Passover that year, and neither of them do anything for it, unless you count Stephen buying a few bags of mini eggs from the drug store when they go on clearance after, and Gabe doesn’t. At this point mini eggs are entirely secular — they’re not even a seasonal thing. Gabe saw a Christmas edition of them a few months back, though he’s not sure how eggs are supposed to be involved in Christmas. Maybe another gift for Santa? Cookies and milk aren't a very well-balanced diet, some eggs can't hurt.

But then Mother’s Day arrives, and while Gabe orders his mom flowers, Stephen leans over him, sighing about needing to get his mom something, but not flowers, because his mom doesn’t like flowers, she always makes things difficult, why can’t she just like what everyone else does. This is the third straight day of their annual tradition of brainstorming what to get Anouk — twice annual tradition, actually, it comes up on her birthday too, and probably at Christmas, now that Gabe’s thinking about it, it’s just that Stephen worries about what to get everyone for Christmas, with the exception of Gabe and his parents, and that’s just because he worries about what to get them for Hannukah instead.

And then Father’s Day comes around, and Stephen goes through the exact same process for getting Johan a gift. Then Beth’s birthday, and that Stephen pretends not to care about at all, but then gets her and Anna tickets to a Taylor Swift concert in Toronto that summer, and Gabe’s pretty sure securing those involved either a sizeable amount of time, money, or both.

Gabe’s not proud to say it takes until Johan’s birthday in October to really click into place. Obviously he’s had some suspicions, or he wouldn’t have been observing Stephen’s demeanour so closely, but honestly, he does that as a matter of course — it’s easier than listening to what Stephen says about how he’s feeling, which is usually not true. And that’s if he’s even willing to talk about it, which isn't likely.

Once again, Stephen’s bitching about how hard it is to buy things for his dad, who is, admittedly, not an easy man to find gifts for, and Gabe finally sees right all the way through Stephen's ‘why is gift giving so frequent, it’s absurd’ speech to the fact that it’s honestly not hard to find a gift for someone if you don’t give a shit whether they like it.

Stephen apparently gives so many shits. Innumerable shits. So Gabe figures he can help him out a bit. Do some research, attempt to make a list.

“I doubt most of them are up to snuff, because, you know, Johan,” Gabe says, waving a hand in a way he’s concerned to notice is an accidental but dead on impression of his mother, “But maybe one or two of them will work.”

“Gabe,” Stephen says, looking up from the list.

“It’s nothing,” Gabe says. “Something to do on the road.”

“You printed it out,” Stephen says.

“Seemed easier,” Gabe says. “But I’ll email it to you as well.”

“And colour coordinated it,” Stephen says.

“It was a boring roadie,” Gabe says, though the end of it is kind of breathless, because Stephen’s crushing the air out of his lungs.

“Thank you,” Stephen mumbles, and Gabe brings a hand up to card through his hair.

“It’s nothing,” he says.

~

The packages start arriving two days later.

Gabe sighs, pushing aside two boxes with his foot so he can unlock the door, grabbing one under each arm to bring inside. One of them’s heavy for its size. Probably the knife set.

“Oh good,” Stephen says, looking up from his laptop as Gabe stacks the packages on top of all the other ones in the living room. “I was getting concerned that those weren’t coming.”

“Stephen,” Gabe says. “You can’t give your dad seventeen gifts for his birthday. He’ll just be disappointed every other year.”

And Gabe did say it was nothing, but that list took him two flights, three breakfasts, a dinner, and the recommendations of half the Canucks and most of the support staff, with dads receiving special consideration, to make.

“I can, however, not have to worry about what to get him for the next five years,” Stephen says gleefully.

Gabe sees trouble coming.

“I’m not making a list for everyone,” Gabe says.

“Gabe,” Stephen whines.

“No way,” Gabe says, taking this as a cue to retreat. “You’re on your own.”

“Gabe,” Stephen says, closing his laptop to trail him out of living room. “Please?”

~

The Canucks, unfortunately, are much less helpful when it comes to what to get middle-aged women. Gabe is disappointed but unsurprised.

“You lose a bet, Marksy?” Coach asks when Gabe brings the question to him. He’s married to one, which likely gives him an edge over the Canucks, who Gabe's learned are all a bunch of terrible sons. Well, other than Bullet. The majority of the ideas he does have on this list are just him trying to keep up with Bullet’s stream-of-consciousness.

“Something like that,” Gabe says, and adds his suggestion for a shawl. Sure, it’s already on the list, but it’s never smart to piss off the guy who controls how many minutes you get.

"My wife likes candles too," Coach says. "The ones that smell up the place."

Stephen can't stand scented candles, and Gabe's almost positive he got that from his mom, but Gabe adds it to the list anyway. It'd serve Stephen right to get a faulty list, and maybe he won't be forced to make one for Beth and Anna if he does a purposefully bad job.

Gabe waits until Coach is long gone, and then he makes sure to scribble those ideas out. Sure, he'll probably remember, and Stephen would probably notice even if he didn't, but, well.

May as well get Anouk something nice.

[fairykazu]

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: GETTING YOU UNDER THE MISTLETOE FT. XIAO contents // pining, friends to lovers, siblings! hutao & qiqi, requited love notes // this is mainly xiao's pov and he thinks you don't like him back. also, if it's not implied enough, you're aware that xiao likes you but you want him to make the first move. i kind of gave up at the end when i was building this up. baba - dad, gege - older brother & jiejie - older sister masterlist

it was nearly time for the christmas party xiao's family is throwing and of course, his best friend who he is not at all in love with, name is invited. name always have been coming to his family's celebrations but why does it feel different now?

maybe because his sisters are trying to insist him to finally confess the feelings, he has had harboring for 17 years. "xiao, you can't keep stumbling around and acting stupid around them because you like them. it's kind of hard to watch, right, qiqi?" hu tao said, turning to the 10 years old on the couch. she was about to answer until,

xiao rolled his eyes, crossing his arms, "don't answer that, qiqi."

qiqi closed her mouth as hu tao kept saying, "qiqi, you know i'm right. isn't it hard to see xiao kicking his legs and giggling after name leaves."

xiao's neutral bitch face morphed in fear, wallowing in self conciousness. is it really that bad?

the little lavender haired girl paused to think about it and sadly, to xiao's demise, "hmm... jiejie, i do think it's weird to see gege with cooties. i think uncle baizhu has medicine for it."

oh god, it really is that bad.

letting whatever qiqi said sink into xiao's shoulders, hu tao walked away to the closet, pulling out a white board stand. it squeaked, hu tao said, "exactly, which is why i made a plan." on the whiteboard, it said in bolded letters, "mission impossible: xianame christmas edition".

if you looked closely, you could see the faint words of previous "mission impossible"'s that xiao rejected and hu tao had to wipe off. xiao was nearly go along with the plan but skeptical of hu tao because usually, she's a trickster, there's always something up her sleeve.

"another plan?" xiao replied, furrowing a brow. hu tao skipped around, chirping,

"yep! this time it would work, i swear." hu tao's hand resting on the board's shelf.

"you swear? you said this last time on halloween last year and scared name nearly to death."

"i didn't scare them to death..." hu tao trailed off. "they only fainted."

"isn't it the same?" xiao asked. hu tao could tell that he was growing even more skeptical of the plan. as his sister, she knew that she needed to swerve away from that and push him into confessing. it's really embarrassing to see him try to make a move only to get rejected or mid-way change the plan.

"no! anyway, my new and foolproof plan is that since it's christmas," hu tao flipped the board with her other hand. "we can use the mistletoe as our advantage and use it for a romantic moment where you confess your feelings to name. i even asked dad about this and he agreed to it."

mistletoe? isn't that kissing?

"really, you got dad to agree to this."

"yes, and sure you might catch cooties." behind them, qiqi winced out of ickiness. "but better than nothing right?"

xiao stood there for a moment, rethinking about this. "are you sure it would happen perfectly? we don't even know if name likes me back."

"ummm, maybe the christmas spirit would enchant them." hu tao shrugged as xiao's eyes narrowed.

"i don't want a spirit to enchant them. that's not ethinical."

"xiao, don't shame on the spirits. they're very kind, y'know. anyway, the offer still stands but for a priceeeeee." hu tao replied, smiling. smiling like the devil, xiao knew something was up.

"what is it?"

"invite your second bestest friend ever over." hu tao chirped, hands together in a ball across her chest. she patted her eyes, coming closer to xiao, as xiao extended his hand out, creating a distance between himself and his sister.

"who?"

"yanfei!"

xiao tilted his head, hands still crossed. "yanfei? im not friends with yanfei."

"but if you want this plan to really work..." hu tao trailed off, hoping the bait she laid would catch her older brother. until qiqi said, "gege, i think jiejie has caught cooties too."

hu tao nervously laughed, "qiqi, i don't think-"

"ok, ill invite yanfei to the party but if this little christmas plan doesn't work, you're not allowed to make any more, got it?"

"oh my god, thank you sooo much, gege!! you're the bestest older brother anyone could ever have."

---

it was almost time for the party, the house was decked out with decorations. although the usual red and green theme is what christmas is, xiao's family preferred the gold and red theme. in the kitchen, gingerbread houses were prepped to be put together. as dad helped hu tao place mistletoes around the house, giggling each time. "dad, isn't this bow kind of off centered?"

"hm, i do think it is off centered. do you want me to fix it?" he asked, holding onto the ladder. hu tao replied with a no.

if you looked around you would see the each archway of a room would have a mistletoe, although, none of them are upstairs in their rooms. qiqi asked if she wouldn't be kissed because she didn't want to go to uncle baizhu's home for the vaccine for cooties. xiao made a mental note to tell baizhu to stop telling her that cooties exist when in reality, they are not.

xiao was pacing around the living room again, qiqi was following him like a little duckling. "gege, are you worried about the plan? i think i have vaccines for the cooties. i think though."

"no, it's fine, qiqi." he picked her up, holding her. "do you think it would go wrong?"

qiqi huffed, "no. i see name and they like you. i think i saw them-"

xiao tilted his head, "saw them what?"

"ah, i forgot."

xiao wilted a little.

---

as the house is fully decorated and hu tao busted her ass off to make it as romantic and christmasy as possible. the door rang, alerting everyone in the family to turn around. is it who xiao thinks it would be? name isn't late but they're not always super early. just before xiao reached for the door, hu tao squealed in delight, racing towards the door.

"hii name!!! and yanfei??? woah, did xiao invite you?" hu tao said, acting all coy as if she didn't try to puppeteer the whole situation. xiao noticed that yanfei's face was flustered. as he thought, huh, it is requited.

"ah, yes, i think so. i mean! yes, he did." yanfei yelped, clearly nervous but hu tao most likely saw her as perfect. xiao averted his eyes to you and god, he thinks you just killed him. from your sparking eyes to your bright smile, your little wave and he can't compute.

xiao.chr ran into an unexpected error 404

⋆｡˚❆˚ ｡⋆

you walked towards xiao, confused as to why he's just dazing off into nothingness. hu tao's conversation with yanfei blurring to the sound of christmas music. you poked his cheek, "xiaoo...?" seeing him go from reality from dreamland, which is strange, it's more like the opposite for the two of you. "are you there?"

"ah!" xiao yelped, blinking. huh, you never noticed how long his lashes were. "sorry, i was thinking about something."

"i could tell. what were you thinking about so hard?"

"gege has cooo-" xiao covered qiqi's mouth, "i was thinking of my grades after finals." as qiqi kept trying to talk, he made qiqi walk to hu tao and yanfei. "qiqi has a weird phase of saying cooties. sorry about that."

"no, it's kind of endearing." you replied, walking into the kitchen. xiao saw the little mistletoe above the kitchen's archway, afraid of kissing you in the moment, he redirected you to his room. "my dad's preparing something to snack on and he doesn't like being disturbed. um, lets go to my room instead."

"huh? but your dad loves when people watch him cook so he's not lonely in there." oblivious to the fact that the mistletoes were hung everywhere, xiao knew that hu tao had forgotten his own room. "he changed his rules."

you quirked a brow, "don't lie?"

"i promise i'm not lying." xiao said, trying to make himself sound not lying at all. until qiqi's voice replied, "gege, why are you a liar? i can see from jiejie's room that your pants are on fire. baba loves when people watch him cook."

"see, xiao, i can see what you're trying to pull here." you said. ypu're getting too close. very much to xiao's liking but to make a move? nah, he's good. seeing and loving you from a distance is good for him too.

"what are you talking about?" xiao said, pretending to be oblivious to what you're saying. you sighed and pulled him closer to you. he could feel the warmth from your face. he knows he's flustered by now. "you know what you're doing."

what?? i dont understand.

"what??"

"aw man, i thought this would bait you into telling me." xiao laughed mostly out of fear and anxiety. "you're just as mischievous as hu tao."

why did he compare you to his sister. it's over.

"ha! if i really was, you would've died by now."

he exhaled, "you're right."

⋆｡˚❆˚ ｡⋆

xiao was too caught up in the conversation he's having with you, he didn't know that he was right under a trap, the infamous mistletoe. you began to whisper, "look up."

when he did, his face paled as if he didn't agree with hu tao's plan to begin with. but unbeknownst to xiao, you set up this plan with hu tao. you always had even though you had every other chance to make a move on him, he always took it as platonic.

"oh." you pulled him closer,

"ready?" even though he was about to answer, you interrupted him with a kiss. wow you could've saved yourself 17 years of this but you liked to play the long game. xiao just stood there for a moment just before he returned the kiss.

the kiss moment was broken up by a loud flash sound and qiqi crying about how you two would catch cooties. "we need this for memories, can you kiss again for the family album?" hu tao asked as xiao pulled away from your embrace to yell at her. you laughed, winking at hu tao, pulling her brother away from her.

bonus:

zhongli started to console qiqi, cradling her into his arms, "cooties don't exist, qiqi."

"but, baba, uncle baizhu said, 'cooties are very contagious. to cure it i have to get the vaccine from his house.'" qiqi began to cry as zhongli wiped a tear from her face.

"baizhu likes to tease you since you are little-"

"baba! i am not little. i have two digits, i am older now."

"of course, you are a big girl now." zhongli comforting his daughter again, grabbing a gingerbread cookie from the counter. she takes it and cries,

"yes, baba! im a big girl and uncle wouldn't lie to me wouldn't he?" zhongli placed her on his lap, sitting on the couch. "well, no, of course he wouldn't. this is like how jiejie treats gege."

"ohhh."

[sciderman]

After reading your opinion of de sp/do comics, I saw a complain that I see a lot of people say about not liking the characters, and it is that they are the worst versions of DP and Sp (with the whole being billionaires etc)

What would be the best versions of Spiderman and Deadpool, in these two scenarios?

1) They doing their usual business while facing challenges and character growth.

2) They being their own ideal selves, they are in their best emotional, financial,heroic selves. (Although I believe this scenario may be similar of how they are in the time skip when they are parents of Elise)

i think there's a typical status-quo for spider-man and deadpool as characters that generally works well, and it's just - what we come to expect from the characters, and most fanon interpretation (and most comics) follow suit - that status quo is something like:

peter parker is broke and generally in a state of misery. probably single. underpaid. probably hated by the public. kind of grumpy. doesn't have a lot of patience for deadpool specifically. wade puts him in a sour mood. it's unusual, because usually spider-man is the quirky annoyance in the dynamic, but in this dynamic, spider-man is the sour-puss. it doesn't come out of left-field, though, we know spider-man is a bit of a bitch - even and especially with other heroes. but deadpool gets his gears grinding like no other. we don't know why he's so mean to wade specifically, but we have an inkling it's probably because wade reminds him so much of a worse version of himself.

wade wilson is chronically lonely and directionless. nomadic. kind of goes where the wind takes him. wants to be part of something. join a team. make a friend. annoy someone until they give in and begrudgingly hang out with him. wants to feel needed and wanted. wants attention. will wear ridiculous outfits and sing and dance and do just about anything to get people's attention. will commit murder to get people's attention. very little in the way of a moral code, except when it benefits him in some way. gets him recognition, gets him closer to people. it isn't all about the money - it's mostly about attention and praise and validation. wade wilson searches for something to give his life worth. he thinks money is a pretty objective signifier of worth, but the fact is, he's looking for something more abstract. which is why he's becoming more inclined to do good, even if it doesn't pay. he's looking for something to give his life worth. not to get heavy, but i think - deep rooted in wade's core, is a feeling that he shouldn't be alive - literally. he was meant to die. he was going to die, but he clung onto life. so he's tirelessly looking for justification as to why he's still alive. he needs constant reminders that his existence is worth something to someone.

so! that's their whole deal. i think. at least to me. if a piece of writing nails those things, i think they're 👌 primo pieces of spiderpool content.

of course, i love to see a stable wade and peter in the future - but fact is - peter's always going to be underpaid. and, well - i think wade's destined for that too. wade's most stable existence is going to be one of mediocrity but domestic stability. same as peter. i think that's why i love the thought of them - their victory isn't anything grand. it's a modest income that, miraculously, pays for an apartment in new york. a daughter. a trip to the bahamas, maybe, if they tighten their belts.

[sadhornydemons]

Rapid-Spoiler-Season-Speculation: Full Moon Edition

Following the lead, but hopefully not completely on the coattails of many great theories, I'll throw my ideas into the wind and hopefully only end up half wrong.

Stolas's bed curtains can be seen, this appears to be his magic displaying the day's info.

Stolas still has his bandaged arm. Cue panic, then duet song.

Afterwards, IMP returns from a mission, Loona has the book.

Time is 10 minutes until 6pm, clock out time! At least for Blitz who has removed his jacket.

Get in bitch, we're going shopping at the Asmodues private reserve safe, emphasis on privates.

(Fizz, unless Stolas is in full demon mode, that thing will murder his cloaca and not in a good way)

Meanwhile, waiting, worrying.

(Blitz, isn't not gonna fit!)

"Stolas, you don't have to turn on that red light." ♪

And as everyone and their second cousin predicted, Blitz freaks out. As to how long the talk went, or what exactly was stated, we'll have to wait and see. But we get a taste of Blitz cursing Stolas out.

Stolas is roughly still in the same place, as the earlier scene, as he gives what seems to be a closing goodbye. Although dialogue can easily be mixed in a trailer.

And at some point we get this moment of Blitz, with a sad expression(?), seemingly reaching for Stolas in what appears to be inside.

Then being teleported outside (by magic)?

Also referenced in a fantasy sequence here:

Did Blitz say some very terrible things to Stolas before the full details of the Asmodean crystal and Stola's intentions for their relationship were made clear to him? And then regretfully try to make amends? That's full speculation on my part, but considering what we get in what appears to be a follow up scene between these two:

The most common theory I've seen and can still believe myself is that this scene will take place in the Apology Tour, but I think it's actually taking place in Full Moon. This entire episode will probably be focused on these two and the preceded scenes (even with missing parts) aren't enough to fill a full (and heavily anticipated) one.

On a commentary note, and not to pick sides, but Blitzø Buckzo, what DID you do?! That bird didn't balk when you were torching his beloved Loo Loo Land to the ground and now he looks like he's 2 seconds away from releasing the hellhounds on your ass.

But on a positive note, he's at least outside, drinking wine and reading a romance novel. Not knocking down absinthe with the houseplants or burning all of Blitz's horse drawings in effigy. It's more of the 'My lovelife is in the shitter, Gabriella' vs 'He'll never love me and I'll die alone next the ice cubes' mood of earlier. But either way, dude looks PISSED.

A mocking angry bow. Blitz has a smile, but maybe it's just because they're talking instead of Stolas ignoring him.

(book is still in hand) "Do you have any kind of remorse for what you do?" matches the mouth movements. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is directed at Blitz. Unless Stella happened to drop by at a bad time to pick up her mail (what happened?!!)

Judging by the sky, it now appears to be morning.

(note the roof and curtains behind Stolas, they're now under/inside a fancy canopied tent) Owl is still angry.

Blitz has kicked back his feet, making himself at home. Stolas's pose is familiar but possibly still mocking, based on his earlier expression. Does Blitz want to solve their problem the usual way and Stolas may not bite this time?

End of my speculated/confirmed sceencaps from this episode, save maybe for this:

Granted, this could be a scene from any of the Blitzø-Conga-Line-Trauma-Storyarc of this season, but I'm thinking it may end this particular one. Leaving Stoltiz in a not great, but possibly getting things out into the open place.

Leading into the Apology Tour!