#and to have more self control and self discipline because I just don’t have any of that right now

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

I want to try and set up some kind of reward system so I don’t spend too much money but I can’t think of anything other then just handing all my money over to my mum but I feel like that’s going to make me even more depressed because it’ll just make me feel useless

[theostrophywife]

azúcar.

pairing: mattheo riddle x reader.

song inspiration: baby by madison beer.

author's note: benjamin being active on tiktok is dangerous for my health. i actually feel like i'm about to crawl on the ceiling from how badly i want this man. literally tweaking. anyways, enjoy 😊

There were a lot of quidditch related superstitions you were willing to put up with. 

Wearing the same socks during every match. Kissing your boyfriend good luck before every game. Even the rowdy common room parties that you and Mattheo often snuck out of to have a celebration of your own was a tradition you welcomed with open arms. 

But this was not one of them. 

“It’s absolutely absurd,” Pansy huffed, her sleek black hair grazing her chin as she tucked her legs underneath her on the velvet couch. “Blaise has lost his mind.” 

“Sounds like you’re the one losing it, Pans.” 

Pansy rolled her eyes. “You would too if your boyfriend suddenly announced a sex ban as part of some weird quidditch superstition.” 

Since the start of the season, the quidditch team had taken a few hits. Usually, the boys dominated the other houses, but they barely won against Hufflepuff and came to a draw against Ravenclaw during the last game. Ending in a tie was apparently the last straw because the day after the match, Blaise told Pansy that the team had taken a pact of celibacy. 

For some deranged reason, the boys believed that abstaining from sex for a week would help them secure a win for the rematch on Friday. For the next five days, they intended to sleep, breathe, and eat quidditch. Apparently, your feminine wiles would have to be set aside for the meantime. As if sex were the problem and not their constant drinking and partying, which probably contributed to their lack of focus as a whole. Not that the boys would listen to common sense at this point. 

You scoffed. “Please, Mattheo wouldn’t last a day without sex let alone a whole week.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Pansy said rather bitterly, picking at the cushion in her lap. “The lot of them are taking this entirely too seriously. Blaise won’t even allow himself to be in a room alone with me.”

”Well, Zabini has a surprising amount of self-control. Mattheo, on the other hand, is perpetually horny. There’s no way that he agreed to such a ridiculous pact.”

“Lucky you,” your best friend said with a long suffering sigh.

You nudged her knee with your foot and smiled mischievously. “Don’t worry, babe. I’m more than willing to help. Blaise may be disciplined, but he’s also just a man. What do you say we pop into the village? I think I saw a lace emerald lingerie set that had your name all over it.”

Pansy perked up at that. “I knew I came to the right person.”

Your best friend smiled as you hooked your arm through her elbow. “Of course you did. Now come on, let’s bring Zabini to his knees.” 

Sprawled out on Mattheo’s bed, you flicked through the pages of your novel and waited for your boyfriend to return from practice. The trip to Hogsmeade had been a complete success. Just as you suspected, the little set you glimpsed through the lingerie store window looked absolutely stunning on Pansy. Blaise didn’t stand a chance. 

As a matter of fact, you’d given the two of them privacy tonight. They were due for a study session at your shared dorm tonight, but you quietly slipped out in the midst of their heated argument about the Goblin Rebellion and happily skipped off to your boyfriend’s room. 

Given the late hour, Mattheo was due back any second now. As if summoning him from your thoughts alone, your boyfriend sauntered into the room, looking sweaty and sexy from running though drills all afternoon. Mattheo grinned the second he spotted you on his bed. 

“Hi, princesa,” he greeted, his voice low and husky. 

”Hi, Matty.” You propped yourself up on your elbows and smiled. “How was practice?” 

“Absolutely fucking brutal,” Mattheo grunted as he pulled off his shoes. “Theo clobbered the fuck out of me, but I suppose it’s better him than the Ravenclaws. Mark my words, we’re going to beat those twats come Friday.” 

“I don’t doubt it, babe.” You pushed off the mattress and scooted closer to him. 

Mattheo licked his lips as you neared, breath hitching as you brushed his damp curls off of his forehead. You smirked and leaned in for a kiss. At the last second, Mattheo turned sharply, causing the kiss to land on his cheek instead of his lips. 

“I’m all sweaty,” he explained. You quirked a brow. Sweat, dirt, and grime had never stopped the two of you before, but you brushed it off. He was probably just wound up about winning. Mattheo smiled apologetically and kissed your temple. “Let me shower first and then we can cuddle, okay?’ 

You made the mistake of looking into those big, brown eyes. Damn him and his chocolate eyed gaze. The twat knew it was your weakness. 

“Fine,” you said as you crawled underneath the covers. “But hurry up, I’m getting tired.” 

Ten minutes later, you were fully engrossed in your book again. Just as it reached a particularly steamy scene, the door swung open, revealing a half-naked Mattheo. The white towel wrapped precariously around his trim waist gave you a perfect view of his toned chest and ripped abs, beads of water clinging onto his glistening skin like rain drops. You bit your lip as he tugged on a clean pair of boxers over his legs, cocking your head to appreciate the curve of his arse before he slipped into his sweatpants. 

Unaware of your ogling, Mattheo climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around you. “What are you reading, mi amor?” 

“Nothing that can’t wait,” you murmured, leaning in to kiss your boyfriend.

This time, Mattheo gladly accepted the kiss. His lips slanted over yours, sighing softly as you melted into him. Your kisses were soft and sweet, punctuated by cute little pecks that had your boyfriend smiling against your mouth. You took the opportunity to slide your tongue against his, making Mattheo groan as his fingers slipped through your hair. 

“Damn, mami. You missed me that much?” 

You rolled your eyes at his cocky smirk while you climbed into his lap and straddled him. Mattheo gripped your hips, moaning as your lips latched onto his neck. His pretty brown eyes rolled back as you left a trail of kisses along the column of his throat. You raked your nails along his chest, dragging red lines down to his abs, and tracing his happy trail as he captured your lips once more. Mattheo let out a choked groan as you tugged at his waistband. To your surprise, he grabbed your wrist and blinked up at you. 

“Y/N…” Mattheo said breathlessly. “Maybe we should…maybe we should go to sleep.” His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he tried and failed to swallow his own words. 

You raised a brow and settled over his lap, squirming against his hard length as Mattheo bit his lip. “You want to go to sleep? Right now? While I’m on top of you and willing to do whatever you want?” 

Your boyfriend looked pained. Conflict was evident on his face. Without a word, Mattheo nodded. 

“Oh my god,” you blurted in disbelief. “You agreed to that stupid sex ban, didn’t you?”

Mattheo groaned. “Only for a week, love. We really need to win this match.” 

You scoffed. This was absolutely ridiculous. “I know you, Mattheo. You aren’t going to last a week.” 

“Hey! Have a little faith in me.” 

Rolling off of him, you crossed your arms against your chest. “First of all, you didn’t even ask me if I’d be okay with it.” 

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say. With a shit-eating grin, Mattheo cocked his head at you. “It sounds to me like you’re the one who can’t last a week, princesa.” 

“Please,” you said with an eye roll. “I have my book boyfriends to keep me company. I can channel all my sexual energy into reading smut. You, on the other hand? You can’t even make it through class without dragging me into a broom closet.” 

Faster than you thought possible, Mattheo flipped you onto your back and pinned you to the mattress. A cocky smirk curved against his lips as he trailed them down your neck. “Oh?” he hummed, kissing the sweet spot just below your ear, his hand gripping the inside of your thigh, making you press your legs together to suppress the need. The bloody bastard. “But can your book boyfriends touch you like I can?” 

Channeling every ounce of self-control within you, a calm and unbothered expression clicked into place like a mask. You tugged at his curls, forcing him away from your neck. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about me, Matty. I’ll be just fine.” Mattheo released a choked groan when you palmed the front of his boxers. He twitched at your touch, his cock painfully hard. “Looks like you’re not doing too hot, though. Let me know if you need help. You know I’d be more than happy to give you relief, baby.” 

Mattheo cursed under his breath as his own plan backfired on him. Blood rushed down to his cock as you squeezed gently, making him harder and hornier than ever. You chuckled darkly as he grinded against your hand. With one last squeeze, you kissed his cheek and peeled yourself away from his bed. 

“You know where to find me, papi.”

He watched in disbelief as you gathered your things, cute little ass swaying farther and farther away from him as you hauled your bag over your shoulder. “You’re seriously leaving?” 

You smirked and waved at your boyfriend as you pulled the door open. “I have a hot date with my romance novel. Good luck with your pact, babe. You’ll need it.” 

Merlin, Mattheo was going out of his fucking mind. 

For Salazar’s sake, he was starting to get the shakes and it had only been two days since he last had sex. Granted, it felt like an eternity since you were more than determined to get your boyfriend to break. Could lack of sex actually drive a person to the brink of insanity? Mattheo was pretty convinced that the answer was yes as he gaped at the lacy red bra peeking out under your white blouse. 

Had your clothes shrunk in the wash? Mattheo could’ve sworn that your shirt hadn’t been that tight before. You were nearly bursting out of it and the view of your tits pressed together as you leaned across the table to steal a blueberry off of his plate made his mouth water and his dick hard. 

“Stay strong, Riddle,” Theo whispered beside him. “We’ve got this.” 

Never in his life had he wanted to throttle Theo more. The only thing Mattheo had at the moment was a painful fucking boner. Three more days. That’s all he had to endure before they called off this stupid sex pact. 

He could make it. Couldn’t he?

As he looked up at you sucking on a strawberry, Mattheo’s confident wavered. You were truly testing what very little self control that he possessed. You were right when you said that your boyfriend couldn’t last a single class without dragging you into an empty broom closet. You were just so pretty and sexy and hot and that was when you weren’t trying. 

Now that you were determined to tease the fuck out of him, Mattheo didn’t stand a chance. 

All day, you focused on making his life an absolute living hell. Perching on his lap, fixing his tie, smiling prettily while you brushed his curls back and left glossy kiss prints all over his cheeks. His hands were in permanent fists, fingernails digging into the flesh of his palm so deeply that he wouldn’t be surprised to find himself bleeding. This was torture. Cruel and unusual punishment. 

The final straw came when the two of you were studying in the library later that night. Bouncing his leg, Mattheo forced himself to pay attention to the Ancient Runes textbook in front of him instead of ogling you from across the table. It wasn’t working though. Every few minutes, he caught himself glancing up at you. Your lips, your eyes, your hair. There was nothing sexual about you taking notes yet he was so turned on that he felt dizzy. 

Mattheo lowered his head, trying to keep cool. When he looked back up, you were no longer in your seat. Instead, you were reaching for a book on the shelves behind you. Whatever you were looking for was on the lowest shelves, so you bent down to retrieve it. When you did, your skirt rode up, revealing that you weren’t wearing any underwear. Mattheo hissed, scrambling to pull your skirt down. 

”What in Salazar’s name are you doing, Y/N?” Your boyfriend gripped your elbow, anger and frustration radiating off of him in waves. 

You blinked up at him, putting on an innocent smile. “Oh!” you exclaimed, placing a hand on Mattheo’s chest. “Did I forget to wear underwear? Silly me.” 

Your boyfriend groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. He muttered something under his breath repeatedly. Breathing exercises. You bit back a smirk. 

On his third count to ten, Mattheo finally opened his eyes. Without a word, he gathered your belongings and hauled you out of the library. He didn’t speak until the two of you were back in the dungeons. 

“I’m going to study in my room,” Mattheo declared as he handed you your book bag. “You’ll study in yours.” 

You grinned. “Oh, Matty. We both know the only thing you’ll be studying is your cock in your hand.” Mattheo tensed as you traced a finger down his jawline. “What a shame. I’d be more than willing to put an end to your misery if you just admit that the pact is stupid.” 

For Salazar’s fucking sake. Mattheo was so close to calling this whole thing off. He wanted you. Screaming underneath him. Crying from pleasure. Moaning his name. But he couldn’t. He had to stay strong. 

Mattheo sighed and kissed your temple. “Good night, mi amor. I love you. Even though you’re determined to drive me fucking mental.” 

You smiled before pulling him in by his tie. Mattheo groaned as you placed a sweet kiss on his lips, barely giving him a taste of what he wanted. “Love you too, Matty. Sleep tight. I hope you dream of me tonight.” 

With that, he watched you saunter off in the direction of your dorm, skipping through the common room without a care in the world. Mattheo stared up at the ceiling and counted to ten again. 

Friday could not come any fucking faster. 

You had to admit that you were impressed. Your boyfriend had miraculously survived an entire week without sex. 

Despite your best efforts to thwart the stupid pact, Mattheo stayed true to his word. A pretty impressive feat given the fact that you’d practically thrown everything you had into seducing him. Sitting on his lap, licking your lips while he talked, kissing that sweet spot below his jaw, wearing your clothes shorter and tighter than ever, and even sleeping in his favorite silk red set, which you knew was particularly hard for him if the erection pressed against your back all night was any indication. 

Still, Mattheo withstood all of your attempts. 

You would’ve been upset had it not been for the fact that Mattheo looked absolutely pained by the whole ordeal. This entire week, his fists were permanently clenched at his side, his jaw locking and unlocking with every suggestive comment you threw his way, his eyes flickering over your body, groaning in frustration as he tortured himself by looking at what he couldn’t have. 

It was amusing to watch your boyfriend twitch at your every move. As you predicted, you fared better than Mattheo had. After all, you had a wild imagination and a collection of toys to hold you over. That wasn’t to say that you weren’t needy and aching for him, but you had ways of coping. 

“I’m so fucking glad it’s Friday,” Pansy grumbled beside you as she took a swig from her flask. 

After the whole bring Zabini to his knees plan failed, she’d been crankier than ever. Neither one of you expected either of your boyfriends to even make it this far without caving at least once. 

“Me too, babe. As much as I’m rooting for our boys, I can’t wait for this bloody game to be over. Win or lose, I know the sex is going to be insane.” 

Your best friend smirked as she handed you the firewhisky. “I’ll cheers to that, babe.” 

Surprisingly, the tension and frustration helped the boys play better than ever. They were ruthless on the field. Theo and Enzo were vicious as they defended the goalposts, giving way for Blaise and Mattheo to chase after the opposing beaters, nearly taking some poor bloke’s head off with a bludger. You almost felt bad for the Ravenclaws. 

When Draco caught the snitch, you cheered loudly. You and Pansy screamed until your throat felt raw and hoarse by the time the game was officially called. The two of you swayed as you descended from the stands, slightly inebriated from your generous swigs, but you didn’t mind. The liquor kept you warm and served as preparation for a night of drinking and debauchery for the common room party. 

Blaise wasn’t at all surprised that you and Pansy pregamed. In fact, he took the flask and downed the rest before tugging his girlfriend towards the castle. 

“Have fun, you crazy kids!”

Zabini chuckled. “Oh, we will. By the way, your boyfriend’s waiting for you in the locker room.” 

With a conspiratorial wink, Blaise wished you good luck as Pansy grinned from ear to ear. You chuckled before making your way over to the locker room. The doors opened, revealing a very smug looking Theo. With a frown, you swatted the back of his head. 

“Ow!” The brunette exclaimed, rubbing his newly acquired injury. “What was that for?” 

“For encouraging my boyfriend to agree to this stupid sex ban.” You crossed your arms and glared at your friend. “I know it was your idea, Theodore.” 

“Hey! We won the game, didn’t we? So obviously, my idea was brilliant.” 

“It was just dumb luck,” you replied with a scoff. “Honestly, I didn’t think you guys would take it so seriously. Especially you. You’re even worse than Mattheo. Celibacy for a week must’ve been hell, huh?” 

Theo shifted his weight, looking abashed. You narrowed your eyes at him as you read the guilt in his body language. “You little weasel! You caved, didn’t you?” 

“There was this really hot Ravenclaw…” 

“With the opposing team, too? You’re shameless, Nott.” 

“Please don’t tell the guys.” He looked genuinely contrite as he pleaded with his eyes. “They’ll murder me if they knew that I couldn’t even stick to my own pact.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Fine, but you owe me big time.” 

Theo smiled before leaning over to kiss your cheek. “You’re the best. I’d say see you at the party, but with how tense and insane your boyfriend has been, I probably won’t see you two for the next few days.” 

“I wonder who’s fault that is.” 

“The pact was my idea. Teasing him was yours. Honestly, he almost stabbed a fork through my hand because you bent over in front of him.” He smirked as he held the door open. “You’ve got that man on a tight leash.” 

You fought a smile. “Leave before I get the urge to hit you again.” Theo nodded, making his way out. “Oh, and congratulations on the win.” 

After a cheeky wink, Theo was gone. Leaving you to find your boyfriend on your own. When you rounded the corner, you could hear the sound of water running echoing off the tiled walls. You ventured farther in the stalls and found Mattheo standing underneath the scalding hot shower, tipping his head back against the spray. With a smile, you leaned against the wall and admired your boyfriend. Merlin, he really was beautiful. 

Mattheo was a sight to behold; biceps flexing, abs taut, and back muscles tense as he washed away the sweat and grime. Your gaze trailed down to his trim waist, licking your lips as your eyes snagged on his backside. The longing sigh you released gave you away. 

Water glistened on his skin as Mattheo looked over his shoulder, a playful smirk tugging at his lips as he surveyed you. Your boyfriend didn’t bother covering himself as he sauntered over to you. His chocolate brown eyes roamed over your body, smiling softly when he saw that you were wearing one of his jerseys. Mattheo traced over his surname embroidered right above your heart. 

“The Riddle name looks good on you, mi amor,” he whispered huskily, backing you against the tile. “I can’t wait to make it official one day.” 

You hummed while you tangled a wet curl between your fingers. “Oh? That won’t be happening any time soon, Matty.” Mattheo frowned as you caressed his cheek. “Not with the way you’ve neglected me this week.” 

“Don’t be like that. You know it was hell for me, princesa.” 

“I know,” you said with a grin. “I’m just teasing you. In reality, I’m kind of impressed. You didn’t cave once even when I threw everything I had at you. You were so good, baby. You crushed those Ravenclaws too.” Mattheo groaned as you kissed his jaw, nipping at his sweet spot. “Maybe the pact wasn’t so stupid after all.” 

Your boyfriend groaned as he gripped your hips and pinned you against the wall. “Oh, I won’t be doing that shit again.” Mattheo rested his hand on the base of your throat, eyes black and filled with lust as he squeezed. “It was torture not to touch you.” 

When you spoke, your voice sounded husky and seductive thanks to his possessive hold. “Could’ve fooled me. You seemed perfectly in control. So much so that maybe we should extend it another week. Abstinence really helps clear the mind, doesn’t it, baby?” 

Mattheo chuckled darkly. He knew you were baiting him. You weren’t used to not getting what you wanted in your relationship. Your boyfriend was well aware that he spoiled you rotten. You were going to make him work for it tonight, but he didn’t mind. In fact, the idea thrilled him. He wouldn’t have been dating you if he wasn’t up to the challenge. 

Without warning, Mattheo tugged you into the shower, making you squeal as the water soaked your clothes. He wasted no time before crashing his lips onto yours, claiming you in a starved and possessive way that had you gasping for breath. Your boyfriend was frantic as he hoisted you up and wrapped your legs around his waist. 

Mattheo sucked harshly at your flesh, his dark chuckle a seductive caress against your skin. You groaned as he grinded his cock against your clothed pussy, which was already throbbing and aching for him. “Brace yourself, sweetheart. We have a whole week to make up for and we’re not leaving here until you’re properly punished for teasing me like the little brat that you are.” 

You flashed him a saccharine smile. “Do your worst, baby.” 

“You’ll regret that, mami.” 

With a wicked grin, Mattheo slid your panties to the side and teased along your folds. He hissed when he felt how soaked you were, practically dripping down his fingers as he eased one into your pussy. You bit down on your lip as the delicious pressure awakened a familiar heat in your core. 

“Not so brave now, are you?” Your boyfriend taunted as he slowly fingered you. After going without, you were embarrassed to find that a simple touch was enough to set your teeth on edge. “This is payback, baby. Wearing those tiny little shirts with your lace bra peeking out. Bending over in front of me knowing that you had no panties on. Grinding on my lap and making me so fucking hard that I almost sprained my wrist wanking off in the restroom like a madman.” 

“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” You rasped, groaning as Mattheo picked up the pace. “Not if this is what I get in return. I like when you’re rough, Matty. It makes me wet.” 

Your head lolled back as he added another finger, curving them inside of you and reaching that spongy spot that had you seeing stars. 

“Good,” Mattheo whispered as he nibbled at your earlobe. “Because I’m about to fuck you until you can’t walk.” 

The filthy words sent you over the edge. Mattheo flicked his thumb over your swollen clit and you clenched around his fingers. “I can feel you squeezing me, pretty girl. So fucking greedy, hm?” 

You let out a choked moan. Mattheo grabbed your wrist and slid your hand down his front. “Do you feel that, princesa? I’ve been hard as fuck for you all week. Are you gonna be a good girl and help me out?” 

“Yes,” you breathed out. “Let me take care of you, papi.” 

Mattheo twitched in your hand as you gripped him, tugging as he watched you with lust blown eyes. The intensity of his stare made butterflies erupt in your stomach. 

“I thought about this while getting myself off this week. Your hands. Your eyes. Your voice.” 

“I thought about you, too,” you confessed. “But it doesn’t compare to the real thing. God, you’re fucking sexy.” You rubbed your thumb over his tip, rubbing his precum over his head. Mattheo whimpered against your neck. “I missed you whimpering for me.” 

“I don’t whimper,” Mattheo countered. 

You raised a brow and picked up the pace, working him until his eyes rolled back. Despite his denial, Mattheo whimpered even louder this time. 

“You’re playing dirty, baby.” 

“I thought you liked it dirty, Matty.” 

“I do,” he said with a smirk before curving his long fingers inside of you. You shuddered as he hit that sweet spot. “Now come on, pretty girl. Come with me.” 

You nodded, picking up the pace and groaning as Mattheo pulled you in for a sloppy kiss. He licked the roof of your mouth, shuddering as he bucked into your hand. You tugged at him, coaxing him to cum as he panted against your neck. 

“Fuck. Don’t stop, baby. I’m so fucking close.” 

“Me too, Matty,” you whimpered, grinding against his fingers to take more. 

The orgasm crackled over you like a lightning strike, singing your veins with heat as your boyfriend continued to fuck you with his fingers. Mattheo wasn’t satisfied with one orgasm. He coaxed another out of you, laughing as you greedily bucked against his hand, biting into his shoulder while the second wave hit. 

By the time your third orgasm rolled around, you genuinely felt as though you’d left your own body. Mattheo only relented when your eyes rolled back and your legs trembled, cries of his name falling sweetly from your lips. 

“Tú eres dulce como el azúcar.”

You opened your eyes slowly and found Mattheo lapping up your cum, swirling and sucking his fingers clean with a smirk. You’re sweet like sugar. Though the words were seemingly innocent, Mattheo was anything but. Your boyfriend knew exactly how much it turned you on when he spoke Spanish and he was definitely using it to his advantage.

“That was just the appetizer, baby. Got you all warmed up for my cock. Think you can take it, Y/N?” 

“I’ve been waiting all week,” you responded hoarsely. 

“It’s worth the wait,” Mattheo declared cockily as he flipped you over. He stripped you of your clothes, carelessly tossing them behind his shoulder while he positioned your hands on the tiled wall. You groaned as he bent you at an angle, smacking your ass before he lined up behind you. “I promise to fucking ruin you, mi pinche puta.” 

Anticipation coiled in your stomach as Mattheo sank in slowly. Both of you groaned as he slid all the way in, twitching as he stuffed you full. It was familiar yet new at the same time. It had always been a tight fit, but given your involuntary break, you could feel yourself struggling to adjust to his size once again. 

Mattheo gripped your hips, leaving bruises in his wake as he slid all the way out. You whined at the loss, but it wasn’t long before he thrusted all the way back in, knocking the air out of your lungs as he set a punishing pace. You braced yourself against the tile as he spread your legs further apart, allowing him to hit an even deeper angle. 

“Oh fuck, how do you always feel so good?” Mattheo grunted as his hips snapped against your ass, brutally burying himself inside of your pussy over and over again. “You were made for me, princesa. We’re perfect together.”

”Matty, baby, please…”

You keened as Mattheo tugged you by the hair, kissing you sloppily as he continued to ruin you. He cupped your tits, flicking his thumb over your nipples as he squeezed your flesh between his rough, calloused hands. Mattheo kneaded your breasts and used the momentum to drive deeper. His palm trailed down your torso, pressing against your stomach to feel himself moving with each thrust. 

Tears streaked your cheeks as your eyes rolled back. “Oh gods. Fuck me. Right there, baby. You fill me up so good. I love being full of you.” 

“Yeah?” Mattheo drawled as his hand crawled up your throat. “You like when I fuck you rough? Deep down, you just want to be treated like a slut. Don’t you, princess?” 

“I do,” you breathed, groaning as Mattheo squeezed your neck. “But I’m only a slut for you, Mattheo.” 

“Damn fucking right, baby.” He said proudly. “This pussy is mine. All fucking mine.” 

You clenched, squeezing him so tightly that Mattheo felt like he might cum then and there. “So greedy. Milking me fucking dry. God, you’re perfect. Mi princesa, mi vida, mi amor.” Your boyfriend shuddered as you grinded against him, picking up the momentum as the two of you neared euphoria. “That’s it, baby. Just like that. Fuck, I’m gonna cum—“

”Cum inside me, Matty. I want to feel you. I want all of it.” 

Mattheo cursed, his body seizing as he came with a loud cry. The sensation of him filling you to the brim, his hot cum dripping out of you and coating the inside of your thighs was enough to send you over the edge. You trembled as the orgasm hit you all at once and nearly passed out from the sheer force of it. 

Fortunately, strong arms wrapped around you before your legs could give out from underneath you. Mattheo pulled you against him, holding your trembling body as you came down from the high. You leaned into him, resting your head on his shoulder as he cleaned you up. Your boyfriend took his time washing your body, taking great care when it came to your sensitive core. 

You smiled up at him as he lathered shampoo into your hair, letting you return the favor and sighing in satisfaction as you scratched his scalp. Mattheo grinned, flashing you a lovesick smile as you rinsed the product out of his hair. 

“I love you so fucking much,” he whispered softly. 

“I love you more,” you countered.

”Impossible.” 

After the two of you dried off, you leaned against the wall and allowed Mattheo to clothe you in his hoodie and sweats. He tied your shoes before giving you a sweet peck. 

“Ready, princesa?” 

You nodded and took his hand. Without the support of the solid wall, your legs wobbled as you struggled to walk. Mattheo caught you around the waist, a smirk tugging at his handsome face. 

“I warned you, Y/N.” He looked entirely too smug and satisfied for your liking. “Told you I’d fuck you until you couldn’t walk.” 

Your boyfriend chuckled as you rolled your eyes. “Poor baby. Don’t worry, mi amor. Let your Matty take care of you, hm?” 

“I take it back. I kind of hate you right now, Mattheo.” 

You squealed as he picked you up bridal style. He didn’t even break a sweat as he carried you across the field. “No, you don’t. But you can fuck me like you do.” 

“Deal.”

[leovenuslatina]

kiss and tell 💋

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what your future spouse says about you to their friends and families

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take a deep cleansing breathe

pick a pile that calls to you

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。

{pile one - ace paper swords, five of pentacles, page of cups}

~

your person brags about you for sure!! they tell their friends and family how accomplished you are and how successful and beautiful you are!! they are the type to blush and smile so hard whenever you name comes up.they tell their friends and family how strong you are and how they feel like to two if you are meant to be. they may tell their family that you’ve been through a lot in you life and that you’ve gotten through some pretty rough things and how they really admire how incredible you are. they feel as though they have to praise you whatever chance they get not in a bad way but just because they want you to know that they feel so fortunate to be with you. they tell their parents about how they want to marry you and have kids with you all the milestone of their life they want you there!!

-

^extra messages^

_ playfullness

_ innocence

_ romance

_inner child

_chemistry

_ magnetic attraction

_self love/self care

_you deserve love

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。

{pile two - knight of wands, queen of swords , king of swords}

~

so much . literally don’t get them started when i was shuffling the card a bunch just bursted out at once 😭which tells me that they can’t stop talking about you like whether people ask about you or not. they are the type to see a color or a random object and just go off on a rant about how that reminds them of you or one of you favorite things. when your fs talks about you they say you’re a determined person you do whatever you set you mind on you have hella focus and discipline. you fs says you’re energetic and passionate. they will say you’re a charming person who knows what your worth is. your fs tells everyone how self confident you are and how sure of yourself you can be. pile 2 when your fs talks about you they glow ! they say how you’re a quick witted thinker you’re organized and perceptive. your fs always says that you’re clever and highly skilled mentally. overall pile 2 your fs can’t stop sharing about you to no matter who will listen.

~

^extra messages^

_ supportive

_ encouraging

_ truthful

_ logical

_self discipline

_lawful

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。

{pile three - 2 of swords, high priestess}

~

pile 3 what your future spouse will tell their friends and family is how much power you hold over them you’re a power house and you’re not even trying. you’re high maintenance and hard to please but they like that. they tell their friends and family about how hard to get you are and how hard you make them work for your attention and they love it!!! they say you’re magical and mystical and shit lmao like you say stuff that they were thinking and you can predicted things just before they happen. they are absolutely in awe of you fr!! they think you’re mysterious pile 3 everyday they learn something new about you and they fall more in love youre like a gift that just keeps on giving. pile 3 any time anyone asks your fs about you they just list off things they love about you like that you’re understanding and nurturing you’re kind and nonjudgmental.

~

^extra messages^

_intuition

_purples and blues

_insightful

_ manifesting a soulmate

_wisdom

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。

{pile four - 4 of cups, the artist, 6 of cups}

~

what your FS says to their friends and family is you’re a a very creative person and you have so much passion about everything you bring into the world. you’re the type of person that’s constantly reinventing themselves. they tell their family that you live learning and exploring and that your mind is constantly growing and working and moving at a million miles an hour. they are very impressed with you. they also tell their families that you’re a generous person. you may make a lot of money or come from a home that is very wealthy but you don’t act as though you’re better than anyone and you help others in need. they say you’re a very helpful person and you’re always there whenever anyone needs a friend.

~

^extra messages^

+boredom

+interpreter

+learning

+prosperity

+favor

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。

[writerslittlelibrary]

I will help you

masterlist

summary: when your parents went to jail, you started your life in the foster system. it was never very great, and you ended up with an amount of bad coping mechanisms. to help you, you were put in a psych ward, and who happens to be your personal nurse? the woman who will stop at nothing to adopt you…

pairing: Dark!Natasha x foster teen reader

warnings: mentions of self-harm, mentions of abusive foster families, hints of kidnapping, mention of murder, mention of abuse, drugs, reader is basically not very happy…

genre: fluff, angst

words: 2884

a/n: this fic was inspired by @xanthreee thank you lovely for the suggestion and I hope you enjoy it 🫶

(please note I have no idea how psych wards work, so if anything is incorrect, I’m so sorry)

You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work

 |——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

You don’t remember much from that night. You suppose that’s how your brain protected itself from everything that happened. 

You remember the sirens, and you remember the police that invaded your home. They carried guns and were dressed in full protection gear. It was scary. That’s what you do remember. The feeling you had the moment your entire life was ruined. 

Sure, your father was never a great man, and sometimes he’d hit you, but he did it because he loved you. He needed to discipline you, because he cared. That’s what he told you. 

You never thought he was capable of something so vile, so sickening. And you could’ve never predicted your mother helped him.

You knew your father was aggressive. You knew he had sickening thoughts, but the fact he’d murder someone, just for his own enjoyment? You would’ve never thought your father was capable of such a thing. And the fact your mother helped him hide the body? You couldn’t possible process all this information at once. 

When you were put in the interrogation room at the police station, a man and a woman kept asking you questions. Had you known? Were you told to keep certain things a secret?

You hadn’t told them much. How could you? You were never allowed to tell anyone you were being hit at home. You were never allowed to tell anyone your father had some weird powder lying around. 

You were only 9 when it happened, but it had made an impression on you. 

The foster homes weren’t better than your home had been. At least you loved your parents, but now? These foster homes had people even more aggressive than your dad had been. They didn’t hit you to discipline you, they just did it because they felt like it. 

After being in the foster system for 4 years, your mental health started to go down hill. You never really visited your parents. 

You were mad at them, and you refused to let that anger slide.

After the police found a certain document, and you were called into the station to discuss it, you finally broke. That was the last straw. 

The police had found plans to pay off a debt your father had with some high important drug dealer. Apparently, he had wanted to use you as payment. Had the police not found the body when they did, you would’ve surely been in a much worse place then you were now. 

After learning that new piece of information, you broke. Your mind became darker than it already was, and your wrist became daily stained with fresh red blood. 

You had no control over your own life. Decisions were made for you, and you were thrown around from foster home to foster home with no care in the world. You didn’t have anyone that cared about you, and you needed a relief. 

Self-harming gave you back some control. After not having any control for so long, you gave yourself control over at least something, the pain. 

Controlling the pain worked, until you turned fourteen, and you became suicidal on top of it.

You started skipping school and laying in bed all day. You never did anything anymore. Your days consisted out of self-harming and scrolling on tiktok. 

You don’t exactly know how it happened, or when, but at some point, your foster parents had notified your case worker, and she had come to pay you a visit. Apparently, when foster children in your situation experienced mental health issues, and started showing signs of depression, you were immediately put in a mental health facility. 

You didn’t really care when they came for you. 

The ride in the ambulance was pretty peaceful. The man that was driving with you was very kind, and he had put up some of your favourite music to entertain you, and mostly keep you calm. 

When you arrived at the psych ward, you were terrified. 

You didn’t know what was going to happen, and you didn’t realise what you were supposed to do. The intake was one of the worst experiences you had ever had. 

It had been embarrassing and incredibly dehumanising, and when you were given paper clothes to put in, you nearly lost it. 

Luckily, after a few hours, that was over, and you were taken to your room by an old lady. 

She told you shortly how everything worked, and she gave you five minutes to change into the clothes provided for you before your personal nurse would come to assist you. 

Because you were classed as a high risk case, you were given a 24/7 nurse. She was supposed to keep her eye on you at all times, and make sure you never did or tried anything to harm yourself.

The moment the old nurse left, you quickly changed into the sweatshirt and sweatpants that were laid out on the bed. 

They weren’t the warmest clothes you had ever worn, but they were comfortable enough, and definitely better than those paper clothes you had been forced to wear. 

You changed fairly quickly, and after finishing you decided to just sit on the bed and wait. 

Your entire room was empty, and you weren’t allowed to bring anything in to entertain yourself. You had brought a bag of clothing, but apparently all of that was checked by some nurses, so you were left alone with your thoughts.

You tried to open the window, but it would barely open more than a few inches. 

You sighed and sat back down on the bed, staring out the window. You wished you could go home, but what did that even mean now? You had no home anymore. Your parents were gone. You weren’t going to see them in a long time, not that you wanted too, and your foster home basically got rid of you when they put you in the mental hospital. 

You were truly and utterly alone…

Soon, you were pulled from your thoughts by the sound of the door opening. A red-headed woman walked in. She had a kind smile on her face, and she was dressed in a nurse outfit. 

“Hello, y/n. I’m Natasha. I’m here to keep my eye on you,” she explained, smiling sweetly at you. That was quite straight forward…

You simply nodded, letting your gaze fall to the floor. 

Natasha took a few steps forward, crouching down to your level and placing her hand on you knee. 

“I know you have been through a lot, but I promise you, I will do anything in my power to help you get better,” she explained, smiling sweetly as she gently rubbed your knee. 

You simply nodded, giving her a small, awkward smile before looking back to the ground. 

Natasha didn’t take any offence, instead just standing up and lending you her hand. “Your room seems kind of boring. Maybe we should go and see if we can find some colouring supplies, and we can maybe try and decorate it a little,” she suggested, and you didn’t take long before you took her hand. 

She helped you up, not letting go of your hand as she walked to the door, leaving the room, dragging you along with her. 

She led you through a few hallways, explaining where certain things were, and explaining how you didn’t need to do anything if you weren’t comfortable with it. 

To say you were relieved would be an understatement. You had heard horror stories of people in mental hospitals, where they were forced into group therapy sessions, and if they didn’t comply they’d be punished by having to stay longer. 

You were quiet as Natasha led you around, not once letting go of your hand. 

After showing you the main hallway, she led you to some kind of common area, where there were tables filled with other kids. 

All seemed a bit older than you by at least a few years, but they didn’t even acknowledge you as Natasha led you through the tables, to a closet by the wall. Some of the kids greeted Natasha, clearly having met her before and taking a liking to her. 

When you reached the closet, Natasha let go of your hand, opening the doors and letting you see all the art supplies the closet carried. 

There was yarn, crochet hooks, glue, paper, crayons, tape, and even more. 

There were also pencils and scissors, but those were in locked boxes. You figured those were only taken out when there was supervision. Natasha grabbed a blank sketchbook, asking you if you wanted pencils or crayons. 

You gave her your preference, and you watched as she took everything from the closet. 

“Let’s go back to your room. It’s a bit calmer there,” Natasha stated, and you nodded as you anxiously glanced around the room. You were never a big fan of people, but right now, you were already freaked out, and all the people you were surrounded with didn’t help in the slightest.

Once Natasha had balanced everything in one hand, she grabbed yours again, squeezing it reassuringly as she gave you another kind smile, leading you through the tables and all the way back to your room. 

Once you were back in your room, Natasha set all the supplies down on the small table, pulling a chair out and taking a seat. 

You followed her example, pulling the other chair out and accepting the paper Natasha handed you. As you started drawing, Natasha started drawing too, probably to make it less awkward and confronting. 

She asked you multiple questions about yourself. They varied from your favourite colour, to how you felt about your parents and their actions. 

You answered most of them, and tried to answer them as honest as possible. 

You liked Natasha. She made you feel safe, and she talked as if she truly cared about you. You like how she made you feel. You felt at ease around her. Besides, she told good jokes. 

After finishing your drawing, Natasha hung it up for you.

You asked if her drawing could be hung next to it, and Natasha agreed as she picked her own drawing up, hanging it next to yours. 

You smiled at the drawings, and Natasha smiled at you. Maybe staying in a psych ward wasn’t the worst thing ever. 

-------------------------------------------------------------

You had been in the psych ward for a little over a week, and until now, you were pretty much enjoying yourself. 

It was a little boring at times, and you had definitely had better things to eat in your life, but with Natasha around you almost all the time, you felt safe and cared for. You heard other people in the psych ward complain about their nurses, and about how they wanted time to themselves. 

You, on the other hand, had never felt more content. 

Wherever you went, Natasha was always there, helping you, talking with you, or just staying silent and keeping you company. 

You had grown quite fond of Natasha, and even though you didn’t know it, Natasha had grown quite fond of you too. She didn’t even want to think about the moment you would have to leave, and she would have to pick up a new patient. 

She had grown quite close to the little girl she was supposed to take care of. She cared about you, and she knew she was the only person in the world that ever would.

No one would ever care about you the way she did. 

After taking care of you for only a week, she had applied at multiple adoption agencies, wanting herself and her home to be cleared for fostering and adoption. She was told the process would go fairly quickly, seeing as though she was a licensed mental health nurse. 

If anyone was capable of adopting, it would be her. She just hoped the entire process was done before you go out. 

You had told her multiple times how much you enjoyed spending time with her, and Natasha had always told you how much she enjoyed spending time with you as well.

She had told you what a great kid you were and how you were a very nice person to be around. You were more than grateful that she was the nurse assigned to you, and you had told her that. Natasha had merely smiled and told you how nice she though that was. 

You didn’t need to know it wasn’t a coincidence…

-------------------------------------------------------------

After about two months in the psych ward, you showed massive improvement. You were almost cleared to be released, and Natasha was a bit upset. 

The adoption agency had cleared her, and she was cleared to take you in. 

She had already pitched the idea to you, that after were released from the psych ward, you would come live with her for a period of time. 

You didn’t need to know she meant forever…

You were overjoyed with the idea of spending more time with her. You had explained to her on multiple occasions you didn’t want to get out, as you would not get to spend time with her anymore. That’s when she told you, and you had hugged her and told her how happy you were. 

She simply kissed your head, holding you close as you two sat on the bed. 

Natasha was a bit upset, though. In the psych ward, she got to spend every moment with you, but if you were to come live with her, you would have to go to school, and she would have to- you would have to miss her half of the day.

She didn’t want that, and so she started setting up her place in the mountains. You trusted her, and she would make sure that trust would not be broken. 

-------------------------------------------------------------

When you were finally released from the psych ward, Natasha had made sure it was one of the best days of your life. There was cake, and presents, and all sorts of things you had not been given in a long time. 

After that day, Natasha had told you she was planning on moving up into a cottage in the mountains. 

You didn’t need to know what country she meant…

You asked her if there would be snow, and she promised you there would be. You were more than happy to pack all your stuff, excited with the idea of living somewhere peaceful.

Natasha had called in a favour with her parents, arranging a jet to take you and her to the location. You had asked her where the house was located, but she had told you not to worry about it. It would be perfect. 

You fell asleep pretty quickly on the jet, which was perfect, as Natasha didn’t have to explain why you were flying over the ocean. 

When you arrived, Natasha carried you inside, tucking you in the nice bed that was already prepared for you, before going back downstairs and getting all the stuff from the jet inside.

-------------------------------------------------------------

You woke up from the sun shining through gaps in the curtains. When did you go to bed?

You stretched slightly, laying in bed for a few minutes to process waking up, before getting up and looking around the room. 

The room was absolutely beautiful, and it matched your interests perfectly. It didn’t take you long to spot the two drawings on the wall. The were hung up in frames this time. It were the drawings you and Natasha had made the first day you were in the psych ward. 

You smiled at the memory, soon recognising the pajamas that were hung over the desk chair. 

You changed into them and left the room, finding the stairs quickly and making your way downstairs. The entire house smelled of pancakes, and it obviously was in the kitchen where you found Natasha. 

“Hello sweetheart,” she greeted you as she gave you a small side hug, giving you a kiss on the head. 

“How did you sleep?” she asked as she handed you a glass of orange juice. 

“I slept fine,” you told her as you gave her a smile and took the orange juice, taking a few sips before sitting down at the kitchen island. 

Natasha smiled at you, getting the last pancake from the pan before placing two plates on the kitchen island. She sat down on the barstool next to you, handing you the syrup as she took a bite herself. 

“The house looks very nice,” you told her as you started eating your own pancakes. 

“Only the best of the best for you,” Natasha told you and smiled softly at the slight blush that stained your cheeks. 

“Is there a school nearby or something?” you asked her, but Natasha just shook her head. 

“I figured homeschooling would fit you a lot better. There are a lot of benefits, and I think it would do wonders for your mental health,” she explained, and you nodded. 

You could almost cry at how thoughtful Natasha was. 

You didn’t need to know it was purely in her own best interest…

You were finally home. You were finally safe. You were finally loved. Natasha would finally be your mother, and you would finally get the chance at a normal life. 

Somewhat normal…

Permanent tags: @marvelnatasha12346 @lesbionion @nova-kyle @darkstar225 @saraaahsstuff @marvelwomenarehot0 @screechcat @iheartjohansson @simp-erformarvelwomen @swaqcenix @karmasgxrl @marvel-lous3000

[brittle-doughie]

Taking a break from angst-time for some good Ole fashion family drama!

I'd like to request a scenario where a matriarch relative from Y/N's family roping them into an arranged marriage with an upper-class cookie (whoever it is up to you)

Said relative is introduced coming to the kingdom where they try to take y/n cookie to their would-be-fiance, only to notice a plethora of cookies either following, stalking, or budding in on their "familial reunion."

P.s. Hope your having a safe belated new year, brittle-doughie! Your the best

- 🥀 Anon

Forced Connections

Much appreciated, my dude. Arranged marriages pretty much spell disaster for the would-be spouse if you run a kingdom!

Crowned Cupcake Cookie, that was the name of the cookie in the photograph sent to you, the one you were apparently meant to be wedded with for the sake of “keeping the doughline pure”, as Sugar Cane Cookie, your family’s matriarch, would put it.

AN: Many thanks to Runebrave for massively carrying with the design, as you guys may know, I don’t have a single creative bone in my body lol

Your mother, Molasses Cookie, couldn’t be any more embarrassed that her side of the family is meddling with your personal life, wanting you to choose how you want to live it, wanting you to choose who you want to be with…but Sugar Cane Cookie insisted.

She was expected to arrive with Crowned Cupcake Cookie soon, which means having to break the news to your Cookie Kingdom before they did. They deserved to know…

You opened the door to your quarters to see Financier Cookie standing by, she gave a small bow to you.

“Y/N Cookie, I see that you are alright today. It gives me relief knowing that you haven’t gotten hurt.”

And it helps to know that a cookie like her is always keep watch over you, when she makes it to the schedule at least. Quite a number of cookies are always gunning to make your bodyguard spot such as Caramel Arrow or Raspberry Cookie, had to break up a few scuffles on occasion.

But that’s a topic for another day, you’d rather you give her the news of what’s to come..

You tell Financier Cookie to be ready, for your kingdom will have…important guests arriving soon..

“I’ll be sure to be on my best behavior and that will go for the other cookies. May I ask who these guests are?”

It will be your family matriarch, Sugar Cane Cookie…and your soon-to-be fiancé, Crowned Cupcake Cookie-

You see Financier Cookie stop in her tracks, a thousand yard stare straight ahead, as her grip on her sword shakes.

“….What?”

Now now, you know that sounds like a big shocker already, but it’s being forced upon you and you really can’t-

“A forced marriage…as if the circumstances can’t get any worse…”

You asked for her to please settle down, this was beyond your control once it was made known to be an order in your family!

Financier’s grip on her sword tightens up as she takes deep breathes, indicating the hidden rage that was boiling inside her

“Don’t worry about it, self-discipline is something I need to practice for anyway…just don’t expect me to be cordial with this…fiancé of yours if she steps out of line…”

If Financier could get like this, there’s no telling how the others will be…

———————————————————————

Jealousy is hitting Kouign-Amann Cookie when she learns of the news. What kind of cookies were your family to try and set you up with something arranged?! As opposed to..what your heart wants..

She can proudly boast that her skills as a Paladin exceeds what this visitor can do for you, anything crossing your path can just meet her sword! What can this visitor do? Because they probably won’t be able to do as much compared to Kouign!

Not giving up is also another part of being a Paladin! Nothing this newcomer can say or do will deter her at all, even if it ends up in a fight! Because Kouign is more than willing to put this cookie six feet under if they push their luck…

———————————————————————

Almond Cookie is on the case. Not only was this arranged marriage done without an agreement on your end, but you weren’t even on a first name basis with this other cookie? This has gotten him on high alert that required a whole lot of coffee, he’ll need it if he’s to dedicate his time to this problem.

He’ll be right there with you for when your arranged spouse has entered the station. The safety of the Cookie Kingdom’s ruler is of the upmost importance to everyone, including him. Especially him. He felt like being your barrier, the wall of protection that you can count on!

And..just reading on whatever files he can scrape on up on this Crowned Cupcake Cookie…he’ll definitely need to be on guard for whatever she has planned or would be ready to do. He’s more than happy to slap her in cuffs if she so much as LOOKS suspicious..

———————————————————————

Did this mean you won’t be able to come to her picnics anymore? You’ll be giving all your time to Crowned Cupcake Cookie?

It was a pretty unfortunate realization for Cherry Blossom Cookie, she felt like what you and her had was going pretty nicely. It just felt like a pain to her heart to suddenly lose that connection to a cookie she’s never heard about.

She can’t just deny your future spouse a picnic though. In fact…she very much would like to invite her to the best picnic! She promises to make Cupcake’s food R E A L S P E C I A L to commemorate the occasion. She’ll make it so good, it would be to D I E for…

———————————————————————

Your cookies could only internally cringe when Crowned Cupcake arrived on the train and was already hovering around you. She went on a long speech about the fairy tale romance of a princess meeting the one she loves being a reality for her. Financier’s self-discipline was TESTED with how much Crowned was putting her hands on you.

Almost as if she sensed it, Crowned Cupcake started to giggle, her back towards the envious crowd of cookies. She turned back towards them, with wide eyes and creepy smile, her right eye twitching.

“Oh? Am I sensing objections between me and my dearest being together…? If that’s the case…”

She put away her staff…before slowly pulling out a sword from behind her, with dry strawberry jam staining the blade, her smile growing more deranged.

“I’m more than happy to settle any differences. Dungeon or execution..? Hehe…”

[ariesmoontarot]

Blessing’s Coming For You

The Piles:

Book a reading here

•Pile One:

Song: She -Harry Styles

I’m seeing that after a while of confusion, illusion, and a lack of clarity, the sun is coming out and truth has been revealed. You’re going to be feeling creative, optimistic, and very happy. Maybe even splurging on the vitality. I see you just getting a big boost of energy.

Your intuition has been blocked and I feel like you’ve been having a difficult time trusting and listening to your inner voice. You instinctively know something, but your choosing to ignore how you feel. I feel like there are fears about you investing yourself into an opportunity you’ve been blessed with. For a lot of you, I feel like your past has made you feel a bit insecure and lack confidence. You may be acting a bit selfish or solely focused on your own priorities, so much that you don’t want to prioritize a connection or relationship that is in your life. I feel like when it comes to love you’ve thrown in the towel and been on your own for a while now. There is a relationship you deeply wanted and worked hard for, but it took so long to even get anywhere that you just feel like you’re trying to move on now. You’ve been very independent and working on yourself. I see you’ve grown more resilient and you’ve gained a lot of self control. I feel like you’re a bit upset and disappointed with someone who hurt you and you could have a certain attitude when it comes to love because of your past experiences. You have so much love and compassion, but I don’t see you expressing this side of yourself. I feel like you wanted a long term relationship and maybe even a family with a past person. You waited and even fought for them, but they hurt you and just confused you. I also feel like you we’re drained energetically and tired of putting in any more effort into this relationship so you officially walked away or are walking away. This could be what you’re not listening to intuitively. I feel like you know it’s time to walk away from a relationship or situation that is unconventional and unaligned with who you are and what you believe. You may have ignored your intuition in the past and now you’re learning to trust your instincts and apply all that you’ve learned moving forward. I see you walking away from things that no longer make you happy and going towards a more spiritually fulfilling life. Even if it’s in your career, relationships, whatever it may be, you’re leaving behind something you’ve built. I see you on a spiritual journey and learning new things about yourself and love. You’re creating this opportunity for yourself to have long term success, abundance, commitment, and stability. I feel like after a period of feeling lonely and self reflecting you’re coming out with a clearer perspective, feeling confident and excited. You’re ready to start something new and I see you investing your time, energy, & funds into creating whatever this is. Prosperity is flowing to you now. You’ve completed a phase of your life and I feel like you learned to manage your emotions in a healthier way. You learning to have more self control has helped you be more disciplined and balanced with your energy. Your love life has been challenging and I see someone who is very charming and flirty coming towards you. I feel like you have history with this person and a third party situation got in between you. It was also very conflicting for you and this person when you were trying to make things work. I feel like you blocked this person and they’re missing you. You’ve ended whatever was left with this person. I feel like you were generous with them and you invested hard work, patience, and time into them. You weren’t satisfied & they let their ego get the best of them. I feel like the lack of communication, understanding, and distance created imbalance between you guys. I see them taking action and coming in to try and heal the connection with you.

•Pile Two:

Song: So Sick -Neyo

I see you alone right now spending time self reflecting. You’ve been through a difficult time and I feel like you’re trying to tap back into your emotional and spiritual side. You’ve been feeling sad, depressed, & disconnected from yourself. Spirit is saying to have hope. I see you healing, moving forward, and finding peace within yourself.

You’ve been having a hard time moving forward and finding a peace of mind. I feel like the past feels as if it’s haunting you or replaying in your mind. You could have fears of the past repeating itself or you’ve just been feeling easily triggered by certain people or events that remind you of your past. I feel like you’re really upset about a betrayal or multiple betrayals that happened in your past and I see you’ve developed a certain attitude that makes you a bit pessimistic and gloomy. You’ve been feeling emotionally vulnerable and I feel like although you have the confidence and strength to move forward and let things go, you’ve been reliving the past in your mind. You have opportunities and room for expansion in your life but you just have to focus on the bright side. You’ve been doing a really good job, but don’t fear the past. You’ve been through a lot and I feel like right now your heart needs time to heal. The blessing for you is strength, healing, rejuvenation, and abundance. I see you moving forward and overcoming hard times. You’ll be feeling a boost of energy very soon, you just need to open yourself up to it. I feel like at times you didn’t listen to what your intuition was telling you and you were right. This could be due to deception, manipulation, some type of trickery going on. You felt this happening intuitively in the recent past or in past connections and I feel like you are being blessed with an opportunity to restore balance and attain long term stability, success, & material abundance. I also see you learning a very valuable lesson and that is to take heed when you feel intuitively something is not right. I feel like for a lot of you, you are going through a breakup or some type of loss that meant a lot to you. It could be a job, it could be a person, whatever it is I feel like you’re really upset about it. A lot of time could have passed and you’re still hurting over this. I feel like you’re exhausted, frustrated, and so scattered. I feel like at times you may have tried to escape how you feel or ignore it but you can’t. This is exactly why you’ve been going through this period of solitude because you weren’t facing how you truly feel. It’s like divine intervention happened so that way you can take a deeper look within and listen to what your body is telling you. I feel like you’ve been so closed off and hurt that you don’t even want to deal with another person. You don’t even want to try and put yourself out there or interact with anyone. There’s just a very melancholic energy I’m feeling from your pile. I feel like you’re doing your best and pushing yourself every day to keep trying. You’ve been losing hope and feeling like there is no way out of this sadness. Or if there is you can’t seem to find it. I see you realizing something. Or there is clarity about your feelings and a connection you’ve been feeling sad about. I feel you’re going to be having a conversation with this person about a long term future together and taking steps to get there. After a long period of confusion, miscommunication, & arguments I see things clearing up for you both. It may take some time and right now you are still in a period of resting but when the time comes spirit wants you to be optimistic and hopeful about this. Open yourself up to expansion and joy. I see you being really happy in the near future. Just like the song you can’t hurry love. You have to be patient and recognize your strength. You won’t be alone forever. Be hopeful and know that it’s coming. You’ve given a lot of your time, energy, tears, love, and you’ve been so patient. Trust that you will be blessed.

•Pile Three:

Song: St. Patrick -PVRIS Song: Cinderella's Daughter -The Simps

I see clarity coming for you. You’ve realizing hidden truths about yourself and others. I feel like you've been in the dark for a while and whatever this clarity is that's coming in for you, it's related to a love matter. I feel like you and/or maybe someone else is realizing how deep their feelings are for one another. I get this energy of you feeling like when it comes to love, you couldn't get the breath of fresh air and peace of mind that you needed, but with this person you do. I'm getting that they feel the same way about you. There's an energy of distance or separation between you. It could be emotionally, mentally, physically, take it how it resonates for you.

I feel like in the last conversation you had with this person both of you revealed some personal thoughts, intentions, truth, etc. You talked about something related to the connection between you and I feel like it left you feeling a bit insecure, doubtful, disappointed, and maybe even upset with this person and yourself. I'm getting this energy that you may not be feeling like your best self during this time. You have a vision for where you want your life to be, but there's been a hard time getting there because of this energy you've been dealing with. I feel like your life is under reconstruction and all of the old behaviors, patterns, strategies, & even people are being removed from your life. I see changes happening for you that are positive & divinely guided. I also feel like you've been dealing with anxiety, fears, and maybe even fears of the past repeating itself. These negative thoughts you've been battling are being released and your heart is being healed. I see you gaining control over your mind and overcoming the emotional stress and frustration you've been feeling. Reflecting back on happy memories and feelings from your past or your childhood will bring you positive feelings and help you cultivate the feeling of joy in the present moment. Be sure not to get too stuck on the past though. I also feel like you haven't felt grounded and in tune with yourself. Your energy has been scattered and directed towards the wrong things. I feel like because you've been facing a lot of setbacks, challenging situations, and maybe even rejection for some of you, it's caused you feel insecure and unworthy of the things you wanted. You've been feeling a lack of confidence, drive, enthusiasm and excitement. You could be isolating yourself and feeling lonely in terms of love. Sometimes it's good to be alone, but there comes a point when we need to connect with others. Whether you need advice, guidance, or some type of support, now is the time to be social or let others help you. Even if you've been stuck in your head, feeling lost and disconnected from yourself, another person's wise words or perspective can help you open up your mind to new possibilities or opportunities. I also feel like for a lot of you there was a person you were feeling very attached to, so much that you felt like miracle or something drastic had to happen for you to detach from them. Bare with me here, but it could be that you idolized this person and literally worshipped them. Even when you were lacking faith, knowing you needed a miracle to save you, you relied on this person to be the miracle you needed to escape the relationship, but instead of escaping the relationship, you imagined the relationship with them to be better than it actually was, and used this person as the escape. It was a relationship where emotions and codependency were deeply intertwined. I'm getting an energy where you deluded yourself into believing this relationship was good for you, in order to keep this person in your life. It was like a form of escapism for you. A bad habit that you loved. It could be a past relationship for some of you. I feel like this is why you've isolated yourself so much and possibly became anti-social. It's like all that time you spent escaping reality made you completely lose touch with yourself and you're finally getting to a place where you're gaining clarity and having a spiritual awakening. I'm hearing you learned very deep lessons and have been soul searching for a while now. I feel like the person who you were very attached to, is slowly coming to this awareness of how they feel in general and towards you. It's taking them a little bit longer to get to the energy you're currently in. I feel like they aren't completely aware of themselves mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. They feel very attached to you just as you did with them. The attachment between you could very much be healthy, but it can also turn toxic if not kept in moderation. I'm seeing that this person wants a long-term relationship, maybe even marriage.

They're just having a difficult time making a decision. I feel like they're confused because they want to make the right decision. They're battling between what their ego wants and what they really need. I see them trying to listen to their instincts & see past the illusion of their own feelings. I feel like you make them really happy and I see that both of your inner children are being healed together. They're confused between is this love or is this lust? For some of you, this person is trying to release another person who is in a lower vibrational energy and for others I feel like they've been dealing with some type of gossip. Whether it be in family, friends, whatever it is there's gossip or third-party interferences affecting this connection between you. I see positive things coming for you and this person. When it comes to healing, love, marriage, stability, all that good stuff, you are being blessed in due time.

[sirensplayhouse]

It Is A Fact Challenge💫 •self concept challenge🦋•

the long awaited post has finally been made🥱

ok so the first thing y’all have probably noticed is this isn’t the standard challenge where it’s for a certain amount of days and that’s for a reason✋🏾the time frame in which you get results are up to you . you decide how long it takes you to get results . you decide how well this challenge works for you . you decide when you get results , because you hold all the power .

during this challenge you’re going to be focused on two things: vaunting and affirming

now since a lot of y’all wanted to know the specific vaunt I used to manifest my dream life who am I to deny y’all of it😌so boom here y’all go:

A sirens vaunt:

I am literally living my dream life. I mean it’s ridiculous how things can change at the blink of an eye. it’s to be expected though , since I am a master manifestor of course . I am in complete control of my reality . and there’s not a thing that could ever change that. when I walk in the room I command everyone’s attention . it’s amazing how my life changed overnight and now I’m living the life I’ve always imagined . but it’s to be expected since I am the goddess of all things in my life .

now you can either keep it like this or change it to fit you and your liking . you also can use other vaunts that other bloggers have made:

@rayjane //here

@cinnamonitgirl // boom

@remcycl333 // bam

@itsravenbitch // slap

and ofc check out the queen of vaunting herself the goddess Hera @sexydreamgirl / @sexyandhedonistic

now how often you vaunt is up to you , I listened to it before I went to sleep (including naps) and whenever I woke up. but it’s completely up to you if you want to vaunt during the day or even do mirror work 🤍

now onto the affirmations, just like the vaunt I’ll give you the single affirmation I used but it is not necessary to use it and yea😂

“ I always manifest instantly”

more sc affirmations because why not ?✨

“I am the goddess of all things in my life”

“everything always goes my way”

“it is a fact I always manifest instantly”

“I manifest at the speed of light”

“everything always works out in my favor”

“I always deserve good things”

“people are always trying to please me”

“everyone adores me”

now for more self concept knowledge y’all should definitely go check out the queen @cinefairy list of affirmations and her success stories about self concept are just *chefs kiss😚🤌🏾* and the other queen is none other than @sexyandhedonistic not only does she have a list of affirmations that’ll boost your sc sky high since y’all are so obsessed with time crunches and motivational posts (see what I did there 😂😭yea click the link🙂)

again how often you affirm is up to you, I affirmed throughout the day 80x every hour (specifically because 8 is my favorite number and I said go big or go home😂). but if you want to affirm randomly throughout the day, just once or however many times it’s completely ok and completely up to you .

now y’all are officially all set to start this challenge 🤝🏾I cannot stress this enough this challenge is about you and you alone . don’t let other bloggers or other peoples success dictate your results or beliefs . if you don’t agree with something move on and know that it holds absolute zero power unless you give it power. AND STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM TUMBLR AND ANY OTHER LOA COMMUNITY WHILE YOURE DOING THIS CHALLENGE😂

persistence + consistency + discipline is 🔑( wise words from @kaayxshay )

I look forward to seeing each and everyone of y’all’s success 🫶🏾now have fun and create your own rules ! drive out those limiting beliefs and manifest your dream life and live it to the fullest 🦋

some Neville to send y’all off with 🥰

“I AM is a feeling of permanent awareness. The very center of consciousness is the feeling of I AM. I may forget who I am, where I am, what I am but I cannot forget that I AM. The awareness of being remains, regardless of the degree of forgetfulness of who, where, and what I am.”

“man is actually the arbiter of his own fate, and that it is his concept of himself that determines the world in which he lives [and his concept of himself is his reactions to life].”

“There is only one I AM and you are that I AM. And while I AM is infinite, you, by your concept of yourself, are displaying only a limited aspect of the infinite I AM.”

“Just as the moth in his desire to know the flame was willing to destroy himself, so must you in becoming a new person be willing to die to your present self.”

“However, the only fate governing your life is the fate determined by your own concepts, your own assumptions; for an assumption, though false, if persisted in will harden into fact.”

“The ideal you seek and hope to attain will not manifest itself, will not be realized by you, until you have imagined that you are al ready that ideal.”

“All transformation is based upon suggestion, and this can work only where you lay yourself completely open to an influence. You must abandon yourself to your ideal as a woman abandons her self to love, for complete abandonment of self to it is the way to union with your ideal.”

[jeankirsteinsgrlfrnd]

how would the girls feel about their so participating in no nut november

no nut november, according to your aot girlfriend!

18+ | MDNI | NSFW

(pretty tame but still, also ymir & historia are vague but written with female readers in mind, no i won’t change it and no i won’t apologize.)

mikasa thinks you’re idiotic for wanting to do something like this. not that she thinks you don’t have any self control, more or less she knows you don’t want to have any. she’s pretty blunt about the whole thing, telling you you’re going to fail. she puts money on it.

sasha mainly knows about nnn because of connie and his incessant blabbing. she wants you to ‘win.’ but per her rules, that rules out any act of sex. she can’t possibly be the reason you lose! its the ultimate mind game. you bust a nut or you don’t get close at all, there’s no in between.

annie, like mikasa, bets against you. she berates you and laughs at the idea but ultimately encourages you just so she can prove you wrong. there’s no way you’ll last the month. she’s just waiting to catch you slacking so she can shove it in your face.

historia’s got the wrong idea but she’s got the right spirit. she wants you to, like, ‘better’ yourself and practice self discipline but you can’t expect her to keep her hands to herself. she encourages you verbally about lasting the month but her actions are a direct contradiction. she’s a sweet teaser, nothing extreme, just enough to make your mind wander.

ymir takes it as a personal challenge when you announce your participation in nnn. it’s the ultimate opportunity for her, to get you off as many times as she can. she’s a wonderful girlfriend, always respecting you when you say no to her advances. but that never stops her from teasing you.

hange surprisingly has never heard of the challenge but she encourages you to take part in it if you want. she’s curious too, about how long you’ll last and what will make you cave in. she decides to join in on your challenge, determined to beat you even if she isn’t entirely clear on the rules.

pieck giggles at you and pokes fun at the ridiculous idea. she doesn’t believe in you, whatsoever. she doesn’t even have to worry about purposefully trying to make you lose, she knows your willpower is weak when it comes to her. so, she enjoys the ride and waits for you to beg her to help you out.

[savvysscandles]

Pushed Beyond His Limits.....

Lo’ak x omatikayan fem reader (all aged up)

🔞mdni🔞

Warnings: SMUT, cursing, choking, hair pulling, neck grabbing, Dom Lo’ak, dom x sub, squirting, creampie, CNC, mean/bratty reader, rough sex, orgasm denial, ass slapping, deep after shock, Sub reader, (use of y/n & you), breeding kink, (use of daddy & babygirl), praise kink

Synopsis: You never liked Lo’ak, you’ve teased him since you both were kids. With him being a hothead and you a brat, you two always clashed, but deep down there was always something inside of you that craved him, wanted him, to see if you could push him past his control, his limit......

“Ohhh, Loooo’aak!” you sang, trying to catch up to him in the forest, giggling because of the groan you heard him let out. “Bro stop following me!” He says then let's out a sigh “What Y/n, what does your annoying little ass want now!” his voice filled with irrigation as he turned around to look at you with hard eyes.

“Don’t be so rude punk or I’ll tell your Dad, and you know he’ll take my side” you said with sass, smirking because you know he couldn't do anything. Lo’ak looked away for a moment trying to gain some restraint before looking back at you. His head was tilted, a harsh look blanketed his face, and his eyes held angry.

“What…. do you want…brat” his voice becoming dark and husky. He was becoming real fed up with you and your attitude lately, you always used his parents against him, blackmailing him. It's what you’ve been doing since you both turned 16 up until now, in your adult hood. But recently you’ve been irking him on a little bit more than usual.

“Awh... is little Lo’ak mad now” you said amused walking closer to him, teasing, you liked when he got this mad, it was so fun to see him pitch a fit and not be able to do a thing about it. He never did, he just storms off. He breathed out heaving trying to show some control, but your attitude was really taking him there today.

He turned to walk away like always, trying to be mature but you had other plans. You wanted to see if he would crack away from his self-discipline and give into his implusives that you know he had, you just didn't know what they were like.

When his back was to you, you yanked on his tail. “Little baby Lo’ak trying to be mature now... Awwh who do you think you are…..Neteyam” you laughed. He turns around gritting his teeth and balling up his fist, his palms were itching to be put down on that ass of yours and hard. You know you hit a nerve, you know about the relation he and his brother had, how people always compared him to his brother. “You are such……a bitch” he said his tone of voice low becoming more aggressive

You roll your eyes then laugh at his comment to taut him more. “Your not fooling anyone with this little control act, everyone knows you can't control your emotions” you walk closer to him, with every step your words got crueler. “Your just an impulsive little baby, I mean even your father can see tha-” you suddenly felt a tight grip on your neck interrupting your words , he towered over you looking down at you with a dark glow in his eyes, his pupils taking over black growing in his eyes barely showing any sign of his yellow rims….. you've never seen him so furious. “ You want to complete that sentence BRAT, matter of fact I dare you to” he says as he forces you back, slamming you on to a tree, you whimper out at the contact. Letting out a soft. “Owww”

“Shut up! I don’t want to hear another word or sound…..….you know, you have such a big mouth filled with such bad words,…. I think they need to be gaged out of you, hmm ?”

He pulls your hair for you to look at him. “ I asked you a question, brat!” he yanked on your hair. “Yes...” you said nodding your head. He pushed you down to your knees with his grip still in your hair, you fell against his legs, your hands on his thigh as you looked up at him. “You know exactly what to do, don't make me go harder on you then I already am brat, I will put marks on you that will last for weeks and you know it” He yanked your hair with his words.

You took his loincloth off with your teeth eyes never leaving his until his cock spring out slapping his torso, leaking precum. You gasp, you've never seen a dick so big before...God and that beautiful purple mushroom tip was calling your name too. “I know…… now suck” he forced his cock down your throat all the way, not giving you anytime to adjust. You gagged and pulled back but his grip on your hair was to strong.

Your throat burned, your eyes watered, and saliva pooled all over your chin and chest. You looked him in his eye as he was fucking your face now. “ Fuck, look at you, all messed up all from my c-shit…my cock and I didn't even fuck you yet ahhh” he groan out loudly, by the way he twitched in your throat you knew he was close.

“Shit babygirl, your little throats gonna make me cum.” You swirled your tongue around him sucking him in, putting your hands on the back of his thighs, looking back up at him eyes full of lust as your pussy was soaking wet dampening your loincloth.

You moaned on his cock from squeezing your legs together to release some friction. The moan pushing him right over the edge making him shooting his load down your throat, there was so much of it, you nearly choked.

He groaned as he pulled out of your mouth, yanking you up by your hair to your full height, spit dangling from your chin and leaking down your chest. He ripped your top and loincloth off with ease the tearing fabric burning your skin.

“Lo’ak!” you whined and he immediately wrapped his hand around your throat tightening it, looking in your eyes with a glare. “Did I say you could talk brat” you shack your head no. “You see I was gonna let you cum since you did so well at sucking my cock but nah....you ruin that.” He said as he spun you around, against the tree and pulled your ass out to his cock by your tail. Slamming into you with no remorse your sopping pussy squelching from his erratic thrust. You moaned out at his size and pace.“FUCK- to much...to MUCH ahhaa slow DOWN” you screamed as he rammed repeatly into your pussy. “Nah you can take it, remember brat, you got all the pull right ?” he said condescendingly as your moans and screams filed the air answering for you.

He pulled you up to him by your neck. “Who has the power brat tell me…WHO?!” He growled, watching you become weak for him your body probing you to slip down to the ground. He noticed this and wrapped his other arm around your torso to keep you up. “Ohhhh Ewya- you Lo’ak, you do ahhhaahh powers all yours fuck ‘tis always yours” you moaned out. He groaned at your words, he rutted into you harder, taking his hand from your neck to your hair wrapping it around his hand using it as leverage to fuck you even harder, moving his other hand to your ass to slap them purple and red.

“That’s what the fuck I thought” slaps between each of his words, as he went harder beating your little pussy up with his massive cock, but you loved it, after all this is what you wanted, him putting you in your place, making you submit, going beyond his limits..….

“Say your sorry babygirl, say your sorry for being a brat!” He says as his cock hits the sweet spot inside of you just right, pushing on your cervix, so fucking well. “Ohhh I’m srrr…ahhahh SORRY daddy so sorry” you moaned out knowing your orgasm was coming on soon. “And that you belong to me yea, that your my little brat!”

He says yanking your hair and slapping your ass. “YESSS ALL YOURS….can I please cum!” you moan and beg but your met with his cruel words. “No babygirl you better hold that shit…and I’m not playing…hold it in for me”

You nod your head trying your best to hold it in like he said. Moments later as he’s still slamming into you at an unbearable pace you start to shake and your eyes roll back. You feel yourself losing it, control slipping away from you. “Ahhhaah PLEASE, I can’t take it anymore please ohh” you scream out body going insane from the denial. Lo’ak feels himself getting closer to his orgasm too, the base of his tail rapidly tingling as he nears. “Ohh You wanna come on this dick baby.. want me to- FUCK mmm….breed this tight little pussy…. huh!?” He moans out slapping your ass as he pulls you to look at him by your hair, back arching all the way from the front.

“Yes Yes Yes please…..please Can I cum PLEASE” you begged, legs about to give out. “Fuck come on baby girl cum…let it ALL out on Daddy’s dick!” and you do screaming and convulsing as you squirt all over him, it splatters all over his stomach, dripping down his and your legs till it reached your ankles,.. you came so hard, it’s so much of it, everywhere.

“Fuck look at that shit..…DAMN, baby girl I’m gonna cum….want me to cum?, want me breed this pussy?, breed MY BRATTY GIRLS LITTLE PUSSY!?” he says, ramming into you with no mercy, letting out loud and gruntal moans in your ear. He doesn’t stop until he fills you up with his warm sweet cum. Pulling you to his chest, hand unweaving from your hair to grasp your neck for a final time and his other arm wrapping tightly around your torso. You both go quiet fully in a blissful state, eyes rolled back, bodies spasming, mouths open as a few tears prickle down your faces. The euphoria rushing through your veins, it was unlike anything you both had ever felt. It was as if your aftershocks were another orgasm in itself, but longer and way more intense. Lo’ak throws his head back, chin to your hair letting out a rough quick breath from the feeling, tightening his hold on you. You both eventually come back down from your highs by saying “Fuck” simultaneously, trying to process what just happened. He stays inside of you for a moment before pulling out and releasing you from his grasp.

You moan out feeling empty, and fall against the tree, sliding down as you babble out nonsense eyes crossing still in a little bliss…… Lo’ak chuckles putting back on his loincloth “you alright babygirl” he says still breathing heavy, you stay in the same state that your in not responding. He pulls your fucked out body from the tree and throws you over his shoulder which cost you to jolt, and moan out loudly.

“Bet your days of acting like a brat are over huh?….I got that mighty warrior dick huh?” He say teasingly and laughing at you. Oh, how the roles have switched now.

He walks you both out of the forest not bothering to get your clothes there already ruined like that attitude you once had……..

A/N: Heyyyy ya'll!!! Soooo, what do you guys think for my first fic, how I do !? 👀 I think I did good but it could always be better, you know!? Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed it and remember that request are always open so send in some if you want and yeah!

BYEEE!!!😁💕

Inspo Taglist: @number1gal @pandorxxx @pandorasbreathh @tiredmamaissy @sxxythingz @j-jinxee @atxxokirina @blueslxt-primary @sweethoneycn @eclipseatsea @lanasblood @teyamsgrl @teyamsfav

[adelarsims]

Hi XD

I actually do wanna learn more ab them! And I have a few specific questions if you don't mind!

How old are they really?

They seem a bit obsessed with looking young, is there a reason for that?

Why don't they use a wand if it helps keep their hands looking younger?

What changed them from a snob to a slightly more uhm personable person?

What do they teach?

Also here is your excuse to ramble about world building and magic cus I love this stuff

Another more vague one, you mentioned their childhood was rough, can you talk more ab that?

Finally because I feel like I'm overstaying my welcome, how did they discover they have feelings for Caleb?

1. let’s just say over a hundred. caleb once told cassie that 100+ years old feels better than 97 or something, because there's something romantic about being 'over a hundred', like straight out of a fairy tale, while 97 is just a really old grandpa :D

2. when they imagine looking in the mirror and seeing their hair grey and face wrinkled, they're terrified. it’s not a simple vanity - many spellcasters share this fear, when you don't see the constant flow of time when you look in the mirror, your image of yourself freezes like a fly in the amber - and going back into that flow gets more and more terrifying because it feels like suddenly the end nears faster. not all spellcasters choose to prolong their life, but those who do find it hard to stop. as for the youthful look... i think Morgyn just craves to feel at their peak, being the perfect image of themselves in everything. they were deprived of feeling worthy in their early years, so they keep proving and proving otherwise. especially after some discoveries about themselves that upended their understanding of who they are and thrown them into a deep identity crisis – they would grasp at all perfection that is still within their power to maintain. well... maybe it's also a bit of vanity, too.

3. it’s just more natural for them to cast with their hands and gives them access to much stronger magic. a wand doesn’t hold any magic itself, it’s like a laser pointer for magical energy, helps to focus and direct it. spellcasters need wands, innate mages don’t, though they of course can use them too. hand magic is raw, it’s more powerful but requires mastery and precision, and allows to weave spells that aren’t accessible to wand users, because wand is a single-channel magic focus, so to speak, and hand magic allows multi-channeling it (so basically, there's a limit that former humans who learned magic can do, and for innate mages this limit is very far, if existing at all)

4. oh no, don’t mistake a snob for an insufferable asshole. they were always personable. they’re likeable, cheeky, warm and affectionate to those they’re close with, especially those who appreciate and accept them, even though their position as a grand sage and academia headmaster naturally made them more reserved. and they’re still snobbish about magic, they know no one will do it better than them when it comes to spells, tend to nitpick mistakes in others' spellcasting, and get annoyed when someone is being lazy or unreasonably cocky with their magic. they just were hot-headed about people doubting their prowess as a student, but they have matured a lot and have good self control now.

5. mostly advanced elemental magic, and a few arcane disciplines i’ve yet to find names for. magic schools in my morgynverse are quite different from what they are in the game, for example, practical school isn’t about cleaning dishes. it covers healing, herbalism and potions, enchanting equipment, crafting amulets, like that. the new jewery creating pack will work so damn good for my story, i can’t wait!

6. i already gave bits and pieces here and there on this post. i can tell you a couple minor things if you want. there’s a plant that is used in potions, it’s called cyclop’s brain, it has huge leaves and massive seed pods, and tiny tiny seeds. also, every four years, on 29th of february, “the day that does not exist”, the academia holds a huge event called Masquerade of Mysteries, it’s grand and magical and everyone is allowed to go all out with enchantments and costumes, every student and teacher is looking forward to it.

7. i’m not sure how much i should say considering that i hope to start telling my story one day and it’s a spoiler, but let’s just say they weren’t really accepted for who they are and were considered dangerous even though they never gave anyone any reason to be afraid of their magic (it’s not simply about them being a mage, that wouldn’t be as much of a problem as their origin)

8. slowly. eventually. they were physically attracted to Caleb from the beginning, but it’s doing right by one another that truly brings people together. Caleb was there for Morgyn when they needed it most.

[prettyrealm]

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this reading is a paid commission, thank you so much for trusting in me! <3

female idols:

they see him as someone honorable and friendly, they think he’s smart and he may offer up good career advice or tips (most likely unprovoked) & have the impression that he’s always willing to help out (without ulterior motives, they feel he’s genuine even if his advice can be unsolicited at times), they make view him as quite serious, some may see him as very loving or as an ideal partner and want to date him - maybe even projecting romantic fantasies onto him, they gossip about it him quite a bit, they may see him as more modest and humble than other men in the industry and think that he has his head on straight (he could come off as more serious and career-oriented than most - they probably don’t see him at too many social events outside of work and in turn view him as less rowdy or fuckboy-ish), they see him as super devoted and dedicated to whatever he believes in and believes he wants to empower others, but at the same time, they may think he’s elitist about this (only helps those he deems worthy) or that he only acts this way for praise, or that he can be too one track minded in this sense. they definitely see him as different and not the type to conform or fall victim to peer pressure, they think he’s practical in his approach to things, they don’t think he’s going to change any time soon & may think he has more self respect than other men in the industry.

male idols:

some may think he’s flaky or hard to get in contact with (it’s like he’s like “yeah we’ll hang out friday… or next friday.. or next next friday” and then it becomes weeks of them just never linking up), they think he may have funny reactions to things, they think he’s emotional, some may think he has anxiety or is on the verge of some kind of breakdown (or he has had one that they know about), they think he’s really stuck in the past and or is really upset about something he lost and focuses on this a lot, they think he was much happier back then and that something happened that dimmed his light - an obvious shift in personality or behavior, they think he moves too fast and isn’t living in the moment (like he wants to fast forward life), maybe he talks about moving on and growing past things to the point where it sounds like coping and they just know he’s actively going through something, they think he’s disciplined and not the type to self sabotage, they think he flirts with people a lot, they think he likes to mentor people and share his knowledge (helpful to other idols behind the scenes), but at the same time, they may think he likes to keep people indebted to him in this way or only does this with the assumption that they’ll have his back or like him more.

staff:

motivated and goal-oriented, they think he’s gone through something bad and is still working through it, they see him as someone who had has learned a lot of life lessons in his idol career, which in turn has made him colder, but more realistic about the industry he’s navigating, they think he can be emotional & moody or temperamental (they think he can have extreme feelings that quickly go from high to low), they think he’s a slave to a certain mindset or code that doesn’t allow him to truly make his own choices & that it has made him obsessed with living his life a certain way, they think he doesn’t really do what he wants and isn’t truly thinking as freely as he may claims to, (i don’t think this is his company controlling him or anything, it’s like something or someone got into his head, maybe a motivational speaker that he looks up to or self-help/motivation books. idk exactly what but it’s along those lines), they see him as someone with a lot of willpower and determination who will have a prosperous future because of it, they think he can be a bit wishy washy and not loyal, they think that he may judge people harshly and only help those who he deems worthy but even with this, they think that he is a good mentor to other idols because he knows how to do his job well.

[a-fools-circus]

Ghostober Day 7: Cockwarming & Objectification

Pairing: Papa III/f!Reader Word Count: 1.4k Tags/Warnings: cockwarming, slight d/s dynamic, degradation, objectification, spanking, mention of choking, Terzo is a tease

if this seems self-indulgent that's because it is

NSFW below the cut/Minors DNI

If there was anything that surprised you most about Terzo, it was his patience when it came to teasing. Never was his self-control so strong than when he drew out his seductive taunting or some form of discipline.

You should’ve known better than to interrupt Terzo when he was working (as rare of a sight as it is, you should’ve savored it). But it was just too hard to resist him, too hard to deny how hot and bothered you were, too hard to stop yourself from pursuing his touch. 

You were so excited to sink onto his cock, to feel him satiate your every desire, that you didn't have to think twice about his order to strip and sit on his lap. He was holding you tight, guiding you downwards and groaning with you as you took his entire length, before muttering to you: “You’re going to sit here, completely still, and wait. If you move even an inch, I’ll make you wait even longer.” 

The idea was fun at first, almost like a game to see who would be the first to give in. 

But then he kept working. And kept working. And kept working…

You weren’t exactly sure of the time, but you can only assume it’s been at least twenty minutes—even though it felt like an eternity. 

You sigh into the crook of his neck as you squirm slightly in Terzo’s lap. The movement earns you a sharp tug on your hair, forcing your head back to meet his steely gaze. 

“Dolcezza, I know you’re not getting impatient already, are you?” Your lips part to speak, but the words don’t come out. You shake your head instead. “Good. You still have a long while to go. I’m not even halfway done.”

It takes every ounce of your restraint not to whine at his words. He releases your hair from his grip, allowing your head to return to his neck. Your breathing is heavy despite not receiving any friction. The quiet etching of his pen and the faint tick of a clock are the only sounds in the room. 

Your back arches slightly as you press your chest against him. At this point, it doesn't matter where you feel it, you just need more contact. 

“You’re pushing your luck, cara.” You hear him sigh with a strained huff. “Toys don’t get impatient, sì?”

A slight whine of frustration leaves your lips. You know you shouldn’t move but, fuck, it’s hard to stay still when you’re so aware of how his girth keeps you stretched open. You nuzzle absentmindedly into Terzo’s neck. You barely whine a small “please” against his skin. You weren’t even sure if he could hear your breathless voice.

Oh, but he does.

Almost immediately, you feel a harsh slap on the swell of your ass. You can’t even yelp in response before Terzo’s hand snakes around your neck, fingers curling around your throat. It’s that same, perfect grip he’s used so many times before—the one that makes your head hazy and your cunt throb. 

“Toys don’t talk either, now do they?” Terzo growls in your ear. His other hand caresses the red mark blooming on your backside, kneading your soft flesh. He pushes you back until his gaze finds your own. “Now, are you going to be a good toy, piccola bambola?” 

Hesitantly, you nod your head, your eyes desperate and pleading. He guides you close, silently encouraging you to return to your nuzzling position, before sliding his hand off of your throat. You take in a deep breath and flutter your eyes closed.

You try to focus on anything except your conjoined bodies, but it’s nearly impossible. Your hands ball into fists, careful not to graze or tug at Terzo’s clothing. 

All you can do is hope that his patience is wearing thin, hope that he can feel every twitch and throb of your walls. As much as you want to take charge, to roll your hips even slightly, you know the reward will be worth the wait. You can’t help but dwell on the thought, wondering what Terzo would do for you—no, to you—for following his directions so well. 

You didn't even realize how much your walls fluttered at the thought until one of Terzo’s hands moved to rest on your waist with a groan. His fingers rub gentle circles against your skin. The gesture would be sweet if he wasn’t being so torturous. 

Another low groan rumbles in his throat. You barely hear him curse under his breath. “You’re testing my patience, cara, you know that?” You’re confused by his words at first, unaware of what you had done. But then a surge of pride swells in your chest at the knowledge that just feeling your body pushes him to the edge of his restraint.

In a swift movement that catches you off guard, Terzo’s hands grab the underside of your thighs before he rises to his feet. He keeps your body intertwined with his as he lays you on top of his desk. His movements are forceful and demanding, but you know he’d never exceed your limitations.

Terzo’s hands grip your thighs firmer, spreading them as far apart as you’ll allow, before sliding out and pounding into you. You yelp at his sudden, forceful movement.

Papers shuffle and flutter underneath your body as he thrusts into you. The sounds of disarray are drowned out by your moans, though you think you hear his pen hit the ground at one point. Neither of you care. 

“You just…ah…can’t keep quiet, can you?” He pants, his thrusts already picking up speed. “You just have to let me know how much you like it; how much you want to be Papa’s toy?”

You bite your lip, trying desperately to adhere to his rules and remain still and quiet. “Mm-hmm…” You hum, eyes fluttering shut.

Another sudden, sharp sting shoots through you as his palm connects with your backside. “Let me hear you, bambola. This is what you wanted, yes? For me to use you?”

Your loud moans cut through the air. “Yes, yes I…I want…fuck, I need it.” You can’t stop yourself from reaching out to him, your arms wrapping around his neck as he leans over you. “Please, use me, Papa.”

“Can’t even sit still…” He scoffs, his hips rolling against your own. “Just so desperate for my cock, huh? Cazzo, you've got such a needy little cunt.”

All the teasing and mounting tension builds into a whirlwind of pleasure that crashes through you suddenly. You’re barely able to warn him of your release before it hits you, calling out his title and clenching tightly around him. You’re left a panting, sweaty mess beneath him, but he doesn’t offer you any respite. 

Terzo’s movements become almost primal—raw and uninhibited—as he drives deeper and deeper into you. He relishes in your tightness, savoring every stroke as your body throbs desperately around him. A guttural set of moans leaves his lips before the telltale signs of his own climax converge.

Your thighs tense under his unrelenting grip. He spills himself into you, rolling his hips against yours with each kick of his cock buried within you. He rests his forehead against yours, your warm breaths mingling as you pant into each other's mouths. 

A sudden surge of need courses through you as you carefully push Terzo away from you. The loss of contact as he slips out of you makes you whine. You scoot forward, sliding off the desk and dropping to your knees before him. 

Terzo barely has time to register your movements before your lips clamp around him. He groans, a slight hiss underlining his noises. You intended to clean him up, licking and sucking your own arousal off of him—though you wouldn’t mind if the action reignited his desire in the process. But you didn’t expect his hand to curl in your hair and pull you forward as he shoved his half-hard cock down your throat. 

Your hands fly up to hold his thighs as you fight the urge to gag. He doesn’t thrust or pull your hair tight, he merely keeps your head flush against his hips, panting as he looks down at you. 

“I should keep you right here, just like this, yeah? See how impatient you get then.” Terzo’s fingers run gently through the strands of your hair. “I wouldn’t mind another wet hole to keep my cock in.”

You moan around him, tears threatening to form in your eyes. He pulls out of the warmth of your mouth and watches the way strands of your saliva connect your lips to his cock. 

“I don’t think you’ve learned your lesson yet. Perhaps my toy needs a bit more breaking in.”

[zwy01]

Kaelestis Doodles!!!

My OC Kaelestis Blerster, son and only child of Karias Blerster. His other parent is Rael Kertia (soul fragment donor). For more info on his bio check out my pinned post!

1. Doodle dump of changes in Kaelestis’ appearance as he grows up. As a small child his hair was basically kind of like Rael’s, except even messier. Karias didn’t really do anything about his son’s hair because he thought his fluffy baby was cute that way haha. And it’s true! Though as soon as Kaelestis became aware of his own appearance he started taking care of it by combing it to the sides of his head. In general kiddie Kaelestis had a round face and this feature stays with him well into adulthood. Karias’ features kick in fairly late, when Kaelestis is much, much older. Far future Kaelestis still has that same frowny expression though. He reminds people of his uncle Razark and paternal grandfather Krasis. Kaelestis isn’t trying to frown but that’s just what his face looks like when relaxed. Dammit, he’s trying his hardest, but people just keep asking him what’s wrong. Nothing really, he’s quite content actually. Orrr maybe he could be concerned about something, who knows. Hopefully he’s not worrying about Karias doing something over the top for the nth time.

2. Karias with his tiny son! While there are some… perhaps problematic things in their father-son relationship, Kaelestis’ early childhood was a very good one and arguably the best time he’s shared with his father. Which leads to the thing I want to discuss next, and that is what’s exactly going on between the two of them, and the details of what their dynamic is like.

In general, Karias and Kaelestis have a pretty decent father-son relationship. If you asked, everyone would basically tell you that oh, they have a great relationship. And that is a correct observation, because it is true. For the most part, at least. There’s nothing abnormal or strange, and they don’t have conflicts with each other. There are even affectionate moments here and there too, though there’s more to it than what people generally see.

Remember when I said that Kaelestis is more like a parent to Karias than the other way around like it’s supposed to be? That’s actually a very long story, and it goes all the way back to Kaelestis’ early childhood, to when he was a toddler, so roughly a 20 year old ish. You see, Kaelestis was a very, very well-behaved child. So well-behaved, it’s actually quite unbelievable when you think about it in hindsight. Even the other now elegant and sophisticated nextgen nobles had to be disciplined and educated to some extent to correct rowdy, weird, and sometimes unacceptable behavior. Which was basically all of them, even the super nice ones like Asa, Alethea, and Cordelia. Except for Kaelestis. He was the only exception. People were actually kind of envious of Karias, and to them he very much won the lottery with his kid. Not to mention Kaelestis is Karias and Rael’s kid… people intially expected him to be some sort of mixture between the two of his parents, but worse. Turns out, they were totally wrong. Kiddie Kaelestis was as sweet as you could get with any child. He was honest, patient, kind, and generous. He always waited for his turn to speak, always politely and correctly addressed everyone accordingly (except for that one time when Karias convinced him with the lie that Lord Raskreia is his auntie and he actually called her that lol), and never caused mischief. It’s not that he had superior self-control; those things simply just never crossed his mind. It wasn’t in his nature to do anything out of line. People kept praising Karias for his superb parenting and everyone dreaming of having a kid like Kaelestis. He’s the best you can ever get, right? And as a parent, of course you’d want to support your kid. So Karias tells a young Kaelestis how much he loves him, he’s his baby son. Sometimes Karias would also throw in a comment about how well-behaved he is, and that he’s proud of him. Of course kiddie Kaelestis would be very happy to hear that. It’s praise from none other than the Blerster Clan Leader, his dear father who he loves and respects more than anyone else in this world! That’s where everything started, and you could say it’s for the worse. Kaelestis, who holds his father in such high regard, would take this praise as a very serious thing and more or less it got engraved in his mind. You know when you were a small kid and someone said something that could be trivial but you remembered it forever and it basically impacted the trajectory some aspect of your life? Basically that. And so Kaelestis began to take pride in the fact that he was so well-behaved, and continuing to do that would make his father as proud as ever. Before this, he wasn’t even aware of the fact that he was the “perfect” child, he simply was. Now that this became a new addition to his knowledge, of course he’s going to act on it. But to Karias, Kaelestis was still a small child (toddler equivalent) so Karias isn’t going to take it too seriously anyway. He still showered his baby with affection and always gave him attention. And Kaelestis very much enjoyed every moment of it.

Fast forward to the time when Kaelestis was the equivalent of a 8-12 year old human. You know when kids are very young the parents always treat them like baby and when they get a bit older and have thoughts of their own the parents start to really have fun with their kids? That’s what happens next. Karias doesn’t need to watch Kaelestis all the time anymore, hovering over his son and worrying about him getting himself into some sort of danger. He could let him run free for a bit. Let him be on his own, and do his own thing. Karias still spends time with his son and is affectionate with him, in a different way. Because Kaelestis now takes pride in being so well-behaved, he actually makes a conscious effort to be even more well-behaved. He’s become obsessed with the idea, more or less. Be the perfect son, don’t ever cause trouble, make Father proud because he doesn’t need to worry about me, and then Father can attend to his duties as Clan Leader with high efficiency. This was what Kaelestis knew at the time, and it truly was out of good will, as he’s being considerate of others. But what young Kaelestis didn’t know was that this also meant that he’s sacrificing his own well-being and need for closeness to his father. And Karias wasn’t even aware of this, he just thought that this is just what his kid is like, being nice as usual and that, and he can focus more on clan duties. And so Kaelestis never got the extra recognition that he yearned for, and even worse his father now spends less time with him. He got what he wanted, didn’t he? For his father to be the best Clan Leader ever? But something doesn’t feel so right, and Kaelestis starts to doubt his own decision. Even worse, Kaelestis doesn’t do anything to fix the situation, he just goes with the flow because he started this himself. His Clan Leader never asked of him for any of this. But now that it’s done, there’s no choice but to endure the consequences and move on, right? For now, he’ll continue to be the best son for his father. Because he loves him. It’ll do. This won’t go on forever, right? At least Kaelestis had thought so, though this optimism would soon be replaced with even more regret and exhaustion.

Fast forward to Kaelestis’ teen years, so the human equivalent of a 13-19 year old ish. Kaelestis’ hobbies are expanding, and his talent is truly blooming. He had discovered his love for the arts… painting, sculpture, anything really. This was his purpose in life, and his skills were really impressive. Karias is of course overjoyed and thrilled to learn that his son is so talented and that he has found his passion. And so Karias gets Kaelestis all the materials he could possibly find both inside and outside of Lukedonia, and Kaelestis is very touched by his father’s gestures. He has all this stuff with work with now! It was a real moment of joy for him, and yet another memory for him to remember forever , which would later also become tinted with melancholy. Now that Kaelestis actually has time to spend on projects, he is indirectly pushing his father away even more. Whenever Karias would drop by to check on his son and ask him how he’s doing, Kaelestis would always answers that he’s doing well, and Karias doesn’t need to worry about him, because he has art, and that’s all he needs to be happy. Which was a lie, because he actually longed for time with his father. He misses his early childhood where the two of them would spend time together everyday, all day. But he needs to not be a distraction to his father’s schedule, because he’s well-behaved right? He could hold in his feelings of yearning… right? So Karias never learns of his son’s true feelings. Because he never tells him. Which just hurts Kaelestis even more because now he’s actually reinforcing Karias’ belief that his son is all good and that his role as father isn’t one that is needed too much, because he’s a good boy who can entertain himself in peace. And that’s when they start to see each other less and less. They still have dinner together and talk about the day sometimes, but the frequency is nothing like before anymore. Not even close. Kaelestis is hurting himself, and he can’t bring himself to admit to his father that he needs him. No, no, there’s no way he can be an inconvenience to his father. Of course Karias would never think of his son in that way, ever. But Kaelestis’ tendencies to overthink and internalize things drives him to this conclusion. And this doesn’t change much even after Kaelestis becomes a young adult. And so, even to this day, whenever Kaelestis picks up a paintbrush or a chisel, he’d always be reminded of the fact that he (partially) traded away his father’s bond with himself for this. Perhaps this melancholy doesn’t sting Kaelestis as much as it did at first, but it will always be a thorn in his heart, a mild, reoccurring pain.

Kaelestis’ feelings of responsibility over his father carries over to different aspects too. You see, Karias’ personality is drastically different from Kaelestis’. That’s literally just how he is. He’s flamboyant and always going over the top, sometimes he’d say or do something inappropriate by noble standards and get yelled at by Rozaria and Gejutel… etc etc. The usual drill. Kaelestis feels like he needs to keep Karias in check to make sure he’s not being an inconvenience to others. He’s Karias’ son, and it is his duty to make sure Father doesn’t do something so out of line again. And this involves reminding his father of “ahem, Clan Leader, please don’t do that” to reprimanding him if he comedically wails about how he’s not allowed to have fun and his son is just sooooo not fun either. To be honest, Karias has always been like this since the start but Kaelestis just never took it seriously until he got older, because he didn’t think it was a problem. Now that his sense of responsibility is ever so strong, of course he’d be concerned with Karias’ self-representation out there. To Kaelestis, Karias’ image is heavily tied with the entire clan’s image. Karias just thinks his son is hilarious. Which does not amuse Kaelestis because he essentially still needs to parent his parent and being laughed at in the face isn’t exactly helpful either. Kaelestis’ duties includes apologizing to others when Karias does something weird, warning others about what might come, reminding Karias about what and what not to say at meetings, etc etc. You could say that Kaelestis thinks this is exhausting, because it really is. But to him, maybe this is some other form of bonding, to fill that void in his childhood. In a way, this is spending time with his father whom he misses dearly. But still. Kaelestis yearns for Karias to interact with him like they did in his childhood. Just gentle affection and attention from his father. He wants to be a small child again, because he had never been able to smile out of true happiness for a very long time now. He wishes he’d never taken being well-behaved so seriously, because that one phrase of praise led to everything that causes him sadness in the present day. In a way, he misses Karias. Karias was never out of reach, as the two of them live in the same manor and they’re often together on duties and errands. Mentally and emotionally? That’s the complicated part. Kaelestis is there, and not there in the same time. To Karias he’s still his precious son and everything is totally normal. But to Kaelestis there is this gap between them that will never close, and it’s entirely his own fault so he can’t complain. Perhaps if Kaelestis didn’t see clearing a misunderstanding as such a heavy burden, he would’ve done it. Just admit to Father that you were unhappy all along. Just do it. He thinks about it often, but ends up failing every single time. Just can’t bring himself to say it. And so this eats him from the inside out, causing him to be in a constant state of burnout. The kid he was never able to be, and the peace of mind he will never get. The ever so gracious maturity and sophisticated energy that he emits and perceived by others, is a curse to him. The burden does not end there. When he’s with his friends, the others automatically assume that he’ll be the chaperone and take responsibility for anything that happens. Even their joke nickname for him is “dad” because he’s so much like one, right? This puts even more pressure on him, and he has to constantly be on lookout in case any of them does something stupid. Hearing them tell the others “Kaelestis didn’t stop me, so I did it anyway” doesn’t exactly help either. He’s getting blamed for something they decided to do? He never signed up for this, but he doesn’t want to make things complicated, so he keeps it inside and… boom. Stress and more stress. It’s always, always there. He still enjoys being in the presence of his friends but sometimes the burden overrides the joy and in the end, everyone had a good time, except for himself.

One of his deepest unspoken desires is for someone to come hold him, and tell him he can stop and put down everything and just cry. Come and rescue him, and help him out of this cage that he put himself in. To this day, he awaits for someone to burst down that wall he spent his entire life maintaining. Someone. Anyone.

Aaaand this is about it for now! I’d love to talk more about my precious Kaekae in the future so I might do that when I have the opportunity again!

(+ this is why Kaelestis falls for Izar! Unlike virtually all of the others, Izar doesn’t cause much trouble. He’s mostly obsessed with doing research in his own lab and rarely leaves it. Sometimes there’d be an explosion, but that’s pretty much it. Nothing dramatic or extra involved. Izar is also very chill in general and would take care of Kaelestis when he’s a visiting his lab as a “guest” : offering him snacks and drinks, showing him his figure collection and letting him play with them, showering him in plushies to hug, putting a blanket over him after he’s fallen asleep from listening to him reading research papers… all those small but heartwarming things that make Kaelestis feel being taken care of. Izar isn’t even aware of the fact that these simple gestures mean so, so much to Kaelestis and that this dude is in love with him… how lovely! +for more info in Izar feel free to once again check out my pinned post+ special Izar post from before!)

((again sleep deprived so excuse me for any typos haha hopefully it all makes sense! See you again in the future!!))

[nayatarot777]

*photos not mine

🌞 daily messages 🌞 16 oct 2022 ~ pac

✨ pile 1 ✨

I’m seeing a lot of success with something. Something that you may have had to fight and wrestle to achieve. There’s so much happiness here, due to a feeling of support from others as well as motivation, passion, and self-discipline/control regarding whatever this is.

There’s a major change happening here. I’m feeling like for some of you, it’s got something to do with your ego and who you are. Major personality changes that are more accustomed to who you truly are.

You could notice a lot more confidence coming from within, or a feeling of being supported physically but mainly spiritually. A sense of knowing that the universe has your back.

Someone could give you a message about a victory of yours. Something to do with you having silent strength too, and succeeding with taming certain aspects of your ego to better yourself. You’re standing out.

There’s a lot of energy that’s just surrounding the individual control that you have over your life. You could definitely be travelling, moving into your own space and domain. Whether that be about a home, a business, a project, or any other situation that you call the shots in. Leader energy.

A lot of fire energy coming from this pile. Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius. Leo is more prominent.

✨ pile 2 ✨

You guys might have been in a situation where you either had multiple options to choose from, or there were multiple ways that a situation could go. None of these options fulfilled you though. If anything, they overwhelmed you and left you confused on how to even move forward with any of them, resulting in a period where you felt stuck - especially emotionally or with your dreams specifically.

You need to listen to your intuition and walk away from this. This could simply be emotional rumination and worry about the outcome of a situation. I feel like you’ve been trying to ignore the message from your intuition about surrendering and accepting. Knowing that you will get the complete emotional fulfilment and wish fulfilment that you’re aligning with by simply believing that Spirit has got you.

Maybe your rational side of your mind is telling you not to be so gullible and naive, due to resistance against believing that you’re literally going to be gifted the life that you’re dreaming of, but you can’t shake that intuitive feeling. Because it’s your truth that you’re feeling.

Give up control over this situation. I’m hearing that you should put yourself into an ego state of KNOWING that you get whatever you want because you’re highly blessed and favoured. This is your true alignment. You’re waking up to the consciousness of remembering what it feels like to be a child of the Divine. You don’t even have to settle or work for anything more than you really need to. The Universe loves to gift you with blessings. A major blessing this time around. As long as you trust and believe.

✨ pile 3 ✨

You’re running into a much happier and joyful time with others. You’ve aligned yourself so much that you’re attracting people to you who are on your vibration - especially emotionally. Very strong friendships in particular. I still see some hating ass people from the past though, jealous of any glow ups and successes that you’ve experienced. Especially in a work space or something that you’re just better than others at, skill wise. Protect yourselves from evil eye, pile 3.

You’re making jealous, low vibrational people mad with the life that you’re creating for yourself. And at the same time, attracting so many people who you fully connect with and enjoy spending time with.

You could be celebrating something, or just going out and having fun. Completely uncaring of those who wish to judge you for being happy with others and within yourself.

You’re the type of person who, because you’re now so aligned to yourself and who you actually are, it’s like you naturally repel negative energy. You may be realising that the people who aren’t good for you are always blocked from really getting close to you. Either your connections with these people have been cut, or there was never a chance for one from the beginning because Spirit hit them with that block. ✋🏾🚫

These people are copycats and are mad because they can’t replicate what you’ve been creating. Continue doing your thing, pile 1. Continue protecting your energy and showing tf out with whatever you’re working on. Could be yourself and your glow up.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Check out my YouTube channel! - Naya Tarot

Details for private readings are in the descriptions of my videos 🤍

[katasstrophy]

isagi brain juice ! enjoy this lil sneak peek of what i’m working on (isagi’s lowk a dick here but we humble him, but then we get humbled back ) —

isagi knew you were moody. it was something he disciplined himself to be patient for and he prided himself in being able to handle your mood swings. but right now he’s just trying to think of a way to not let his veins pop out of frustration.

“you’re being dramatic, i told you it was my fault already!” isagi frowned, his index and thumb rubbing the temples of his forehead to soothe the little headache forming.

“if you know it’s your fault then why aren’t you apologizing?” scoffing at his eye roll you pause your cleaning on the countertop and cross your arms at him, foot tapping in annoyance.

“because YN you should know that practice is irregular— if you’d told me that your parents were coming over earlier i’d have asked for a day off!”

gritting your teeth in anger you walked up to the man and rivaled his glare with your own, temper flaring at his ignorance. “yoichi i don’t want to have to hear that bullshit excuse from you ever again because like you, i’m also an athlete and i have better time management than blue lock’s so called hero.”

letting out a huff of anger isagi throws his head back and feels his patience thrown out the window. any self control he had before was now gone.

“just because you have better time management doesn’t mean shit to me YN. you don’t need an ego for your sport, i do. my career literally depends on me and my confidence to kick the ball. so sorry if i don’t have time to play house with you.”

before isagi could walk away you made sure to grab the silver necklace he wore- the one with your initials on it and drag him down to you height— eyes flaring in anger, and with a low voice you whisper in his ear as your words trembled in anger. “ don’t take it out on me that you don’t have the balls to kick a fucking football isagi yoichi. just because you’re too pussy to consistently keep an ego doesn’t mean you can disrespect our relationship.” grabbing his jaw firmly you make the blue eyed boy look into your eyes, making sure his line of vision was focused on you. “unlike you yoichi i’m not a dog to ego. following his orders to a T. why don’t you just wear a collar with his name on it? that way when he wants to go on a walk he can just strap a leash on you whenever he pleases.”

laughing to yourself you release his necklace and began to walk away— but not before isagi grabs the back of your shirt and drags you back to him, his arms harshly man-handling you to lay on the table, pinning yours against smooth surface as he let out a growl of frustration.

“you’ve gotten mouthy ever since you landed a spot on the national team YN. i recommend to think before you speak because i’ll make sure you never say that shit to me again.” he seethed.

pressing your arms harder onto the surface he felt himself smirk at your whimper.

“if i’m a dog then you’re my bitch. remember that pretty.”

the way i’ve been hogging this all too myself like a professional hoarder literally WHAT THE FUCK KAYLA i can’t keep going on like this. like WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT WHOOOOO ALLOWED YOU TO ASSULT MY EYEBALLS WITH THIS TOE CURLING DRABBLE???? the audacity. no consideration for my wellbeing and sanity ABSOLUTELY NONE ZERO hope ur ready to cover my medical bills bc i have permanent asthma from wheezing so hard while reading this i am NOOTTTT OKAAYYY SCREECHING TEARING MY HAIR OUT

where do i even START you’ve been feeding me ur angry isagi agenda for a while now BUT THIS IS NEXT LEVEL CAUTION HOT MIGHT BURN SCALDING …. i will quite literally never get tired of readers being just as much IF NOT MORE of an asshole especially when it comes to bllk boys like ,,,, YES BBIE BE NASTY AND DEPRAVED AND A MASSIVE JERK WITH ANGER ISSUES i want every blue lock guy ever to go “is my type insane women??? hot” i’m foaming at the mouf coochie weeping

AND BOY DID YOU DELIVVEERRRRRR. like the argument here is so insane(ly sexy). they went off so hard the clap backs??? i gasped out loud it was vicious instant hit call the firemen for that type of first degree burn kinda insults. reader grabbing ISAGI’S CHAIN WITH HER INITIALS TO BRING HIM TO EYE LEVEL what if i came what then. there’s just so much audacity and tension bc they’re both pro athletes.

“if i’m your dog then you’re my bitch. remember that pretty.” THIS TOOK ME OUUTTTT LOORRDDD. the contrast of bitch and pretty like yeah he’s gonna hate fuck the shit out of you on the kitchen counter but ur still his pretty baby he’s obsessed with you.

[signoraviolettavalery]

Finally posting what is (sort of?) the next part of vampire!Bojan and hunter Jan - I'm skipping over the bits where they're brooding and missing each other after the Big Reveal. I'll post those later but for now I just want to get this posted. It rewrites a scene from an earlier part because of the way it resonates with a later scene (this is what happens when you serialize your work and post in installments as you're writing!)

this part is dark, with trigger warnings for blood and torture, so, ya know, proceed at your own risk

[Kris has noticed the bite mark on Jan’s neck and realized that Bojan fed from his neck]

“It’s fine, I can wear a sexy little scarf,” Jan says.

“that’s not the point and you know it,” Kris snaps. “We have rules for a reason.”

Bojan starts agreeing with him, he got carried away, it was irresponsible and dangerous, he shouldn’t have – but Jan won’t hear it.

“Don’t even start,” he snaps back. “I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions. I chose to trust him, and I was right.”

Kris opens his mouth to argue but Jan plows on. “And I don’t understand why you think Bojan is a ticking time bomb in the first place! He’s never lost control, never hurt anyone, never fed on anyone without permission. Ever. He’s the most disciplined person I’ve ever met, and acting like he’s a second away from killing us all the time isn’t doing anything for his self-worth!”

A heavy silence follows this.

“Jan has a point,” Nace ventures. “I know I’m the newest to all this, but I’ve never been afraid around Bojan.”

“We’re all new to this,” Kris insists. “We don’t know everything about vampires, and we’re under so much more scrutiny now with all our success. If we make a mistake it could end very badly. I just don’t want us to lose what we’ve worked for so hard, or for anything bad to happen. I’m just trying to take precautions.”

“There’s taking precautions and then there’s treating him like he’s radioactive. Maybe let’s act like we’re all adults with self-control and the ability to make our own decisions?”

“Okay. What would you suggest?”

[following this, Bojan discovers Jan is a hunter who originally came undercover to kill him, but then came to care for him. He feels betrayed, asks for space, they're both sad and brood and miss each other].

Jure gets kidnapped, and Bojan gets a very direct message: they’re hunters, and they’ll let Jure go if he surrenders himself.

Bojan doesn’t even give it a second thought. He writes a note to the group, telling them not to come looking for him but to call Jan if Jure doesn’t return safely, and he goes where he’s told.

“Do you think your friend will come? I’d wager 50-50,” one of the hunters ask Jure.

And, as if on cue. Bojan appears. “I’m here,” he says. “Let him go.”

“Guess you lost your bet,” Jure mouths off, despite the knife that’s appeared at his neck. They’re clearly not taking any chances.

“You first. You surrender peacefully and don’t try any funny business, and then we let him go.” The hunter directs this at Bojan, pressing the knife more firmly to Jure’s throat. A bead of blood appears.

“If you kill him, you lose your leverage, and I’ll tear you two to pieces,” Bojan points out. “Let him go.”

“You’re right,” one of the hunters says. “He’s no good to us dead.” He takes the knife away from Jure’s throat – Bojan breathes a sign of relief – and plunges it into his stomach instead.

Jure screams. (It’s a sound Bojan’s never heard before and never wants to again). Bojan screams too. Wants to tear them to pieces, but knows he won’t even get close. There’s two of them, and even with his superhuman abilities, he has no chance of subduing them before the knife does something a little more permanent to Jure.

“This won’t kill him immediately. He’ll bleed out slowly, but your blood can save him. You surrender peacefully and we’ll give it to him. It’s you or him. Choose.”

“I already did!” he practically shouts. “I’m here. What else do you want from me??”

The other hunter – the one who didn’t do the stabbing – throws a pair of silver handcuffs at him. “Put them on,” he says. “Behind your back.”

He knew it was too much to hope for that they’d merely kill him and get it done with. Still, he winces as he picks up the shackles. Silver burns, and though he’s wearing long sleeves, they don’t fully protect him. It’s bearable for now, like a low-level current on his skin, but it’ll get worse with time.

It’s funny how he doesn’t feel different as he manacles click shut. Yet the silver also tempers his abilities, rendering speed and strength like those of a normal human. Practically harmless, with men as trained as these.

He turns around, showing them that he hasn’t cheated, turns back.

“Come here,” they order, and he obeys. Lets himself be shoved unceremoniously to the floor and chained to a pole. Lets them rip open his button-down – the buttons go flying, and a hysterical part of him remembers ripped sleeves and delighted screams – and a knife slices open his chest. He bites back a hiss. The hunter is holding a vial, but the wound heals itself before he gets more than two drops into it. Not nearly enough.

“Hmm. I don’t think the silver tempers healing ability. Let’s try this.”

The next knife is a silver one, and Bojan grits his teeth as it slices him open and burns. This one takes longer to heal – long enough to fill the vial with precious liquid. Which they make no move to give to Jure.

“You have me, just give it to him.” He tries to sound less pleading and more forceful.

One of the hunters shrugs. “He has a few hours left. He’s here to ensure your continued cooperation. But don’t worry, we’ll give it to him before we finish you off.”

“You fuckers. He’s human. Do you get off on this or something?”

They don’t answer, just proceed to what they probably think of as their experiments, which start with a knife in his shoulder, over and over again. It heals every time, but as soon as it does, they plunge it again into the tender, perfectly healed skin until he’s screaming.

And Jure’s still here, across the room, bleeding. Bojan can hear him trying to bite back his whimpers. Wishes he could comfort him.

“He’s dying,” he tries to reason with them. “Please. Just give him my blood.”

“Cooperate, and we will.”

“I am, what else do you want – “

He’s silenced as a silver knife replaces the regular one in his shoulder and he screams again. Soon enough, he’s going to completely lose his voice from the screaming, and the part of him that’s a singer can’t help lamenting it, while the other part of him reminds him that it doesn’t matter anyway, because soon he’ll be dead.

“How’s that feel?”

He just groans.

“You agreed to cooperate. Tell me how that feels.” And he did, and Jure is behind them, lying on the ground now, curled up and whimpering and -

“Like you’re stabbing me with a poker, how do you think it feels?” he spits out. It’s too many words, what with a knife in his chest, and he groans, the room swimming. Blissfully, it’s over for now. He leans his head back and wishes desperately for it to be over. He can feel the wounds healing, slowly, but the memory of the pain stays vivid.

“Please,” he whispers.

“Begging already?” One of them sneers.

“Please. Let him go.” If only Jure is safe, this won’t have been for nothing.

They probably exchange glances – he can’t spare the effort to open his eyes and look – but he can hear footsteps, and a body being unceremoniously shoved.

“Brought you a little treat,” the hunter tells Jure. “Drink up.” The sounds of Jure drinking, presumably healing, and of course, a knife undoing Jure’s bonds.

“Go. Walk a mile west, you’ll find a road and a rest stop. And don’t you even think about playing hero. You’ve seen what we can do. You try to get back in here, we should you in the head.”

Bojan forces his eyes open and his head up.

“Go,” he tells a wide-eyed but definitely no-longer-bleeding Jure. “Leave me. Tell the others I love them, and not to play hero, okay?”

“You fucking monsters,” Jure snarls instead. “Does that look like a monster to you?”

They only shrug. “Go. Or stay, and join him where he’s going. Your choice.”

Bojan’s relieved when Jure chooses the former option. Sinks back, both relieved and resigned. There’s nothing to fight for anymore. If only they’d end it.

“Just finish it already,” he says as they pick up another knife.

“You want a quick ending? All the people you killed didn’t get one, did they? They got to die slowly, while you drained their blood. This is justice for them.”

“I’ve never killed anyone!” he protests uselessly, because clearly his stubbornness will die along with him.

It gets him a knife in the ribs. It’s silver, like a poker inside him, sheer agony, and they leave it there. The room swims again, and he wishes he’d just pass out. He hates his fucking pain tolerance.

“I think you have. Tell me how many.”

“I haven’t – I – fuck – I haven’t.”

He twists the knife and Bojan doesn’t have it in him to be ashamed of how pathetic his scream must sound, ending in a whimper.

“How many?”

“Zero, I swear, zero, I feed but I’ve never killed anybody!”

“Maybe he’s telling the truth,” the other one pipes up. The one with the knife doesn’t seem to agree, but he at least takes it out. His body doesn’t heal, can’t heal anymore, but at least he’s no longer on fire from the inside.

He slumps sideways and wishes he were dead.

Somewhere, an alarm blares, which doesn’t make sense.

“Someone found the perimeter,” the first hunter says, before there’s footsteps and then –

“Don’t shoot. I’m one of yours.”

Jan’s voice.

Jan. Is he, finally, fully delirious? Has the pain driven him mad? And if he’s imagining Jan, why has his mind conjured up a Jan that’s on their side? Is that what his subconscious really thinks?

There is probably clarity in death, he thinks.

“What are you doing here?” one of the hunters demands.

“Heard you were having some fun with a vampire I’d been tracking. You’re having the party without me?”

“You should’ve gotten to him first,” hunter two sneers.

“Or maybe you could let me join for the last bit of fun? This one and me have a bit of a personal history.”

Bojan doesn’t even open his eyes. Doesn’t want to see him, that beloved face looking back at him with empty eyes and a look of hatred.

Why is he surprised? Jan was a hunter above all. And yet Bojan feels his heart break a second time.

It’s a shock when he feels arms shove him upright; his eyes flutter open. And there’s Jan’s face, so dear to him, those deep, dark eyes, but they aren’t dead and full of hatred like he’d feared. They’re not full of – anything.

“You’re late to the party,” he says, bitterness coloring his voice. After everything they’d shared, he wants to throw it back in Jan’s face. “Couldn’t stomach it? Or did you just come to do the honors?” It would be poetic, after all, if Jan was the one to kill him. It’s what he’d intended to from the beginning, wasn’t it?

Jan doesn’t respond. One of his hands is on Bojan’s shoulder, holding him upright as he appears to examine his injuries, but the other is slipping something cold and metallic into his hands.

The key to his handcuffs.

Bojan’s eyes widen in surprise. Surprise that seems to make Jan’s eyes cloud with pain and confusion. Because Jan – Jan thought he’d just been playing along?

He stands, turns to the hunters. “So, what’s next on the menu?”

Bojan desperately undoes the handcuffs while Jan keeps them talking. It’s blissful relief to have the silver off. It doesn’t heal all his wounds, but it gives his body the strength to heal some. Gives his body back strength.

Jan’s eyes meet his. There’s a moment of acknowledgement.

Jan takes one hunter while Bojan lunges desperately at the other with the last of his strength. Grappling with each other, they roll to the ground and stumble back to their feet. Out of the corner of his eye, Bojan sees that Jan has dispatched his opponent quickly.

Bojan’s opponent, however, has a gun that he’s pulled out.

Beyond that, it’s a blur. He registers movement out of the corner of his eye before the gun goes off, the bang too loud in the silence. Then Jan’s body is in front of him, and he’s falling, and Bojan smells blood, and –

With his last ounce of strength, he uses the seconds Jan has bought him to tackle his opponent again, and this time he doesn’t hesitate to snap his neck. Not when Jan’s life is on the line, Jan is bleeding out next to him, and Bojan has spent the last of his strength. He has this one last chance, and beyond it, neither of them will be in any state to fight back.

So, now he’s killed. Ironic, he supposes.

He makes a beeline for Jan, who is on the ground and very much bleeding from a shoulder wound. Cradles his head and mumbles nonsense, Jan’s name and “you’ll be alright, you will, why did you do that?”

“Had to – keep you safe,” Jan mumbles, head lolling.

“No no no, don’t you dare pass out on me, you’re going to be fine, you’re going to take my blood, here – “

“Can’t – need to get the bullet out first – “

“Okay, how do I – “ he looks around. This place is hardly sanitary. There’s certainly no anesthetic, no tools. If there’s an infection, can his blood heal that?

“Get me home,” Jan mumbles. “Nace – getaway car – call him.”

It turns out Jan has a phone on him, and Jan – who’s parked a mile away – is there in minutes. Bojan collapses into the backseat, holding Jan, while Nace disregards all speed limits.  

“Why did you do that?” he asks hysterically, though Jan is hardly lucid enough to give him proper answers. “I can heal. You can’t.”

“Not from a silver bullet, and he’d have aimed for the heart.”

Which means – Jan saved his life. Jan threw himself in front of a bullet without thinking, and it saved his life, and now Jan might not – might not –

“You’re going to make it,” he says firmly. “You’ll be fine, we’re almost there.”

“I know,” Jan agrees. “’s just a flesh wound.”

Nace joins in with the hysterical chuckling at that.

When they arrive, it’s Nace who picks Bojan up, carrying his injured body – so small by comparison to the bassist’s tall frame – bridal style. Jan insists he can walk, stumbles out of the car, and promptly faceplants. It’s Martin who runs forward to support him.

Martin. The last thing he’d said to Jan had been “I don’t care what you do, but bring him back.”

“He’s safe,” is all Jan says to him.

Martin hums in acknowledgement, clearly distracted. He gets Jan inside, but his first priority is Bojan, who’s been deposited on the couch and is attempting to sit up while wincing. And Martin takes it all in - the unbuttoned, bloodstained shirt, and all the still-bleeding wounds scattered around his torso, the angry burns from holy water.

“Mother of god,” he breathes. He’s on his knees, Bojan’s face cradled in his hands. “What did they do to you?”

“Don’t worry, chicks dig guys with scars.” Bojan tries to give a cheeky grin that makes Martin bite back a sob.

“Here.” He offers a wrist. “You need to heal.”

Bojan shakes his head stubbornly. “Is Jan okay? I have to make sure he’s okay.” He looks over to where Jan is being held upright by Nace, while Kris collects what they’ll need to remove the bullet. “Don’t we need anesthetic?” he asks.

Jan shakes his head. “Just give me the whiskey.”

Bojan wants to cry. “You can’t be serious, that’s not – you don’t have to be the tough guy and prove anything!”

“For fuck’s sake, can we stop talking and just get this over with,” Jan growls.

Kris – of steady guitarist fingers – does it. Jan, being a fucking hunter, makes no other sound than a valiant groan, and then passes out. Bojan tries to get up and run over to catch him, but only gets as far as attempting to stand up before he falls back down. It’s Nace who catches him instead.

“He’ll be fine,” Martin insists. “Now drink, because he won’t appreciate it if all his efforts have been for nothing.” He offers a wrist again. “Take as much as you need.”

Bojan takes it, clearly too worn out for protest, though he does add “I need more than one person can give.”

“Good think you’re surrounded by snacks,” Nace grins.

“Did you just call me a snack?” Kris demands.

“In more ways than one,” Nace replies, wiggling his eyebrows.

It’s the lighthearted banter, more than anything else, that soothes Bojan enough that he allows himself to drink.

It’s been a long time since he drank from Martin – now that he’s no longer part of the band – but the taste is familiar and soothing. It’s warmth, home, safety. He wants to drink and drink, and he’s in no state to stop himself, but thankfully Martin is, with that ever-gentle voice saying his name. It takes gargantuan effort, with his body craving the sustenance, but he drags himself away from that sweetness and warmth, only to see Martin looking shaky. It hadn’t seemed like he took that much, but in his state, his ability to judge that is off. And clearly he’s been drinking for long enough that Jan has regained consciousness in that time.

“Here,” Nace is quick to offer. “One gluten free dinner, coming right up.”

Bojan laughs weakly, but isn’t that something? He’s laughing. His friends are here, around him. He’s safe. Jan is safe. They’ll be okay. He feels that hope for the first time, as he takes the proffered wrist and feasts on gluten-free blood. He doesn’t even need Nace’s gentle encouragement to pull away. His injuries have knitted together, but his body is full of the memory of pain, and he doesn’t think that’ll go away for a while. But for now, he’s at least strong enough to walk, to take care of the biggest priority: Jan. Jan, who is still bleeding, teeth gritted, watching him feed attentively.

“Here.” He offers Jan a wrist, even though they still feel raw and he wants to wince as he bites it open, and watches as the healing blood does its work. Jan’s skin knits together perfectly.

“No sexy scar for you,” he says, and Jan chuckles.

Behind them, the others have silently and tactfully made their retreat, leaving the two of them alone for a much needed talk.

“You really thought I was with them? That I’d do that to you?” Jan asks.

“I ��- “ Had he really? “I was a bit delirious by that point. Thought you were a hallucination at first, and when you played along – “ he shakes his head. “After what they did to Jure, I didn’t have a lot of trust or hope left over.”

Jan takes his hands. “I’ll never hurt you. I swear. I will always protect you.”

Bojan laughs weakly. "Taking a bullet is an overdramatic way to earn back my trust. Maybe let's not do that again?"

Jan smiles cheekily. “No promises.”

And Bojan cries. The weeks of missing Jan, Jure’s kidnapping, what the hunters did to Jure, what they did to him, almost losing Jan – it’s too much. He buries his head in Jan’s neck and sobs, and Jan holds him while he gets it all out. He soaks Jan’s bloodstained shirt with tears, but what does that matter? “I missed you so much,” he confesses between sobs.

“I missed you too,” Jan admits. “But I’m here, and you’re safe, you’re always safe with me, and I’ll never give you a reason to doubt me again.”

Bojan refuses to let Jan out of his sight that night. They’re all exhausted, worn out, and nothing seems more tempting than collapsing into bed. Bojan refuses to sleep without Jan next to him, curling around him and passing out into a deep, blissfully dreamless sleep.

In the morning, Jan wakes up first. Bojan is still wrapped around him, tight as a barnacle, nose buried in his neck. A year ago, he’d have been terrified by the thought of a vampire’s fangs so close to his jugular while he was unconscious, but now, all he feels is warmth and familiarity and relief. Bojan is here, safe. He hadn’t failed.

He shifts slightly, and Bojan mumbles something in his sleep and clutches him tighter. Jan smiles.

“You’re not a monster,” he tells a sleeping Bojan. “You couldn’t be if you tried. You’re the best man I’ve ever known, and I love you.”

Bojan’s lips curve in a smile. “You love me?” he repeats.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” Jan admits.

Bojan blinks his eyes open. “You don’t want me to know you love me?” he asks. He’s sleep-ruffled and gorgeous and how could Jan ever deny him anything?

“No, I do,” he admits.

It’s strange, to wake up here like this. As if they were simply lovers, nothing chasm between them. Like they did this every morning. The moment hangs heavy between them, and to lighten it, Jan asks “how do you feel?”

Bojan groans, stretching and wincing slightly. “Like I got to be a hunter pincushion a few hours ago,” he admits. Now that Bojan’s not curled around him, Jan can see what look like scars from where he’d been injured, over and over. Perhaps they’ll fade with time – or maybe there’s a limit to even vampire healing.

“In that case, can I offer you breakfast in bed?” Jan suggests, extending a wrist.

Bojan frowns. “You got shot yesterday.”

“And you fed me your blood, so I feel literally better than ever. But you could clearly use some help in that department.”

And for once, Bojan gives in without protest. Leans forward to bite, but by then Jan’s made his decision. He pulls his wrist away, and Bojan pauses, frowns in momentary confusion before he sees Jan tilt his head back, offering his neck.

The moment hangs heavy between them. The last time they’d done this, there were secrets between them. Now, Jan knows Bojan is a vampire, Bojan knows Jan a hunter who’d come here intending to kill him, and they both know Jan offers freely.

Jan can read his face like a book: the hope that this time, this is real. How badly he wants it to be real. He can see the moment when Bojan lets himself have what he wants for once.

He feels the fangs sink into his neck and closes his eyes, relaxing. The bite hurts – nothing a hunter can’t handle, of course, and certainly nothing compared to a bullet through the shoulder – but beyond that, he feels blissfully calm and safe. He likes this, trusting Bojan with his life. Being at his mercy. Bojan will know when to stop. He doesn’t have to worry about it, can just lie here, in the warmest bed he’s ever known, and let the vampire take.

People always think that when a vampire feeds, they’re unaware of how much they’re taking, consumed by the bloodlust until their victim is beyond saving. That’s not true. The blood in Jan’s body sings to him, and as he drinks, there is that savage bloodlust, yes, but he knows how much is still there, calling to him. Can feel the blood pumping through veins, the pulse growing sluggish, unconsciousness coming.

It’s an intimate thing, to feed on someone. The hunters never realize that.

Bojan takes Jan to the edge of consciousness. He can sense it, the lethargy of the limbs, the feeble protests of a human body trying to protect itself. Jan’s eyes are still closed, the hand in his hair making no move to pull him away.

If he kept going, Jan would let him. Would trust him with the point of no return.

That is a moment of revelation. That this is real.

He pulls away and Jan makes a sound of protest. His eyelids are sluggish, slow to open, as Bojan licks the last drops of blood from Jan’s neck– the wound closes neatly, leaving a day-old bite mark – and licks his lips. Jan just smiles dumbly at him.

“I’ve missed this,” he admits.

Bojan frowns.

“Doesn’t it hurt?”

Jan gives a small shrug. “Little bit. Worth it, though. I’ve missed being someone you trust enough to show that part of yourself to. Missed trusting you with myself in return.”

And that – that is another revelation. He’d always hated feeding on his friends, felt so guilty about it that he went too long without feeding. The fact that Jan seems to like it is almost incomprehensible to him in this moment. He’s not a burden. He’s loved, trusted – accepted for everything that he is.

“I think it’s your turn for breakfast. Get some vitamins in you after that.”

Jan makes a half-hearted protest, but Bojan’s already out of bed. “I’ll be right back,” he says, making his way to the kitchen with vampire speed.

Where he happens upon Martin, Kris, Jure, and Nace. He’s already opened the fridge and pulled out half a breakfast by the time he registers their presence.

“How are you?” Kris asks.

“Good,” he says, and feels it. Yesterday’s memories are like a fever dream, and he has no doubt they’ll come back to haunt them, but for now he’s clearly repressing them. He probably looks better, too, less pale and half-dead (ha); he can see the others take in his obviously improved appearance, the makings of breakfast he’s holding, and put two and two together.

“Ah,” Kris says. Martin just smiles.

“Yeah, I’ll just – “ Bojan gestures, then speeds out of the kitchen, blushing. Why does it feel like he’s brought a girl home without asking his roommates?

Later that day, he makes his way into the kitchen again, climbs gingerly onto a stool. It’s obvious there’s a lot to discuss, but they wait for him to broach the silence.

“I forgive him,” he says tentatively.

Predictably, Kris frowns. “You’ve been through a lot. You’re not thinking clearly – “

Bojan shakes his head. “That’s not what this is. I stopped being mad at him a long time ago. Mostly I was just grieving, because I missed him and I didn’t know if any of it had been real for him like it was for me. But now I know it was, and I don’t want to waste any more time not having him in my life.”

“Okay,” Nace agrees. “If you can trust him again, I can too.”

“I don’t think I’m capable of trusting anyone after what I’ve been through,” Jure admits softly. “But I missed him too. And I do want him back.”

“I told him to bring you home no matter what he had to do, and he did,” Martin says. “I’ve seen how happy he makes you, how it broke you when he was gone, and what he’s willing to do for you. I think you deserve someone like that in your life.”

“I know he took a bullet for you,” Kris says. “I don’t think he’d hurt you. But that’s not the same as not lying to you. In that department, as far as I’m concerned, he’s on thin ice for now.”

“That’s fair.” Jan’s voice comes from behind them. He’s appeared with catlike silence, but stands in the doorway, hunched and small. He’d clearly showered, hair damp, and is now wearing one of Bojan’s white t-shirts, which leaves the bite mark on his neck starkly visible.

Bojan can see Kris’ eyes find it, his inaudible “oh,” the shift in his expression.

“Welcome back,” Jure offers.

“It’s good to be back,” Jan says. “I missed all of you. I know I didn’t show it the right way, but you’re like family to me. And I’ll earn back your trust.”