#and trick self to read by cycling while doing it

[aviul]

scent

[arijackz]

PICK A CARD: Your FS' Secret Kinks

❦ “She lowered her lashes until they almost cuddled her cheeks and slowly raised them again, like a theatre curtain. I was to get to know that trick. That was supposed to make me roll over on my back with all four paws in the air." - Raymon Chandler, The Big Sleep

Disclaimer: This is a general reading, take what resonates. This is a gender-neutral reading, change any pronouns to apply to you.

p1 → p2 ↙︎ p3 → p4

✦ Pile One ✦

Poor lil pooh pooh. This person struggles to “fill their cups up” so they get off on denying themselves pleasure. They secretly like the feeling of hitting whatever rock bottom looks like to them. Honestly, they want to be saved. They are wallowing at the bottom of a well, waiting for their savior to swoop in and throw them a rope. 

In a more literal sense, they want a person to be their reason to live. Their reason to feel daylight on their skin again. Everyone and everything around them is unsatisfying and “fake”. They want something real to coax them out of their hell and entice them with all the thrilling things life has to offer. 

However, they also like this dark and brooding side of themselves. They have a bit of a corruption kink.

They fantasize about a virginal angel coming down to save them, but they end up convincing the angel to sink down to their level. 

They like exciting, spontaneous people who are willing to jump up and run out the door to do something fun at any moment, but think innocent fun. Like going to the movies to theater hop, and getting away without paying. Or, running around the Target parking lot in shopping carts and trying not to bang into cars. Maybe even steal a few street signs. 

Innocent childhood fun that you’d see in early 90s movies. But add a sadistic twist to it that only they are aware of. 

You would be the innocent virgin (doesn’t have to be true, it's their fantasy) who is unknowingly leading this beast (also not true, they are just extremely self-deprecating) to your pretty little happy places which they plan to desecrate.

They want to fuck you in your family home and make a mess of your childhood bed, making you scream so loud that you’re family starts to look at you differently. They want to take you to your favorite movie spots where you usually chill and hangout with your friends and turn it into a place where all you can think about is them covering your mouth in the back of the theater while you’re squirming in their lap, trying to escape out of their grip as they edge you to the new Marvel release. 

They have a kink for turning all of your innocent, fun moments into their very own filthy fantasies.

Ps. Fisting came out of the blue so lube up!

Come To Me, My Senseless Angel

✦ Pile Two ✦

I don’t believe this is a future spouse, to be honest. This might be a situationship you need to move past. They seem emotionally immature, or at least this is a side of them that exclusively comes out when they’re aroused. 

They can be quite abrasive and feel like they are constantly under attack so they’re incredibly defensive. They have a history of lashing out at their loved ones when they feel overwhelmed and get so blinded by their emotions that they disregard their affection for their partners and say really unforgettable, harmful words which permanently alters the connection for the worse. 

They carry guilt from these actions and are in a constant state of regret. In this state, their sense of pleasure is a little twisted. They get turned on by causing a genuine issue in the relationship. They like the idea of pushing you to your limit where you’re this 🤏  close to your breaking point and at your absolute lowest. It’s when you reach your rock bottom and realize the need to move away from this person and you scream out, “I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS.”

They like to grovel. You know that cycle where somebody fucks up and then they’re in the dog house buying flowers and being extra fluffy just to get in the victim’s good graces so they can do the same thing over again. So far, pile one and two’s respective partners like to feel like shit. They secretly like the moment where they completely fuck up a relationship and have to beg on their hands and knees to get their person back orrrrrr they get off on emotionally tearing someone down to the point where they get on their knees to bed for this person’s attention. 

Either way, there's a lot of fucked psychological issues underneath this fantasy that I’m not unpacking here because it differs from person to person. 

In its best light, this person glorifies struggle love. At its worst, this person is purposefully emotionally abusive with the intent to tear their partner down for their own sexual gratification. 

They’re conscious enough to know their actions are toxic but don’t have the emotional maturity to work past their actions. They’re at the phase where they’re just aware and are like “I know I’m shitty but that’s just who I am. If they stick with me and the sex is good, it’s meant to be.”

I’m honestly getting twitter relationship hypotheticals with this one. Iykyk.

They’re also an edgelord. Less in an internet cockroach way and more in a witty- can be funny if done well- way, but they get pleasure from shocking people nonetheless. This energy can be directed toward you to piss you off and annoy you with the intent of getting in your pants later. 

I’ve been guided to switch the conversation briefly: If this resonates and is someone you are dealing with. It is time to move on. This person gets gratification from hurting you and will not get past that high of tearing down a relationship and then having a messy recovery. They have their own issues to work through and cannot see how they are hurting you. There is no future with this person, they came into your life to teach you a lesson about your self-value. That cycle has run its course and it's time to move on.  

To be honest, I’m not a fan of this person and don’t even want to list the explicit kinks that came out but I will just in case this message is for you but you’re not sure.

Random messages: Hot tub/pool sex, hair pulling, break down crying, interracial, milk, broken condom, “i fucking hate you”, “whore”, mirror, drunk sex, complaining, smack a bitch, twitter

P.S. You’re too sexy for the bullshit! There is bigger and greater out there, you just need to believe that for yourself!

This person will not get a mood board out of me.

✦ Pile Three ✦

Okay, so this person has some deep religious guilt. This is a male presenting person. I am being clear with their sex because it plays a role in this reading. They have some majorly repressed feminine energy. They may even be attracted to the same sex. 

This is a fs reading, so they are likely bi, pansexual, or trans. Either way, their family is close-minded and is not supportive of them. They were forced to leave home so they could finally live their truth. They have lived their entire life fitting somebody else’s narrative. They were the hypermasculine bro type to “cover up” their femininity. 

So, they have a kink for hyperfeminity. It’s almost to the point where they obsess over the caricature of girlhood. I see lots of pink, high heels, full-glam, all-day mall shopping, pinup curls, flashy jewelry, sleepovers, day spas, that scene in Scott Pilgrim where that girl is like “SHE’S PROBABLY LIKE 25!”, and everything else that gets associated with “girlhood” nowadays. 

They fantasize about you in your receptive energy, being waited on and cared for hand and foot. They like to observe the way you move. Everything about you and your feminine aura is incredibly alluring to them. The way with each breath your breasts fall, the way your hips swat with each step, the cute way you match your accessories with your outfits. They notice everything about you. 

You know those paintings of wealthy women lying on their sides and being fed grapes? That. They’re not in the serving role, they're the painter. Their kink is capturing you in those everyday moments where the world seems to be waiting on you like you’re the collective’s queen.

They see femininity in a higher light than the general population. They see women as automatically deserving of this type of care, they also want this care. 

They have a secret hard-on for pregnant women and women with swollen breasts. They have a lactation kink. They fantasize about cumming in you over and over again. They see you as a Goddess, so they want to see you masturbate at church on an altar, like you're waiting to be worshipped. 

A lot of their fantasies, they’re not even included in. It’s just you looking God-like and being worshipped by the world around you. This person may hate when you wear clothes. They act like the fabric is committing a sin by covering your body. They just want to capture your essence. Like an admirer and a student.

P.S. Dick game goes CRAZY. They watch a lot of women-focused porn to study what gets a woman off. Like Maddie in Euphoria, here is there to study.

Pretty In Pink

✦ Pile Four ✦

WE GOT A PLEASURE DOM IN THE BUILDING Y’ALL STAY CALM. As my mama would say, they love your dirty drawls!

You could do no wrong in this person’s eyes. They’re the golden retriever type. Head empty, leading with heart and IN LOVE>>>>>

You are the pot of gold and the end of the rainbow they’re chasing. They appreciate a good fling but they’ve never felt this before. The emotions you stir in them are unprecedented, this is puppy, sandbox love that most people lose touch with after life jades them.

This is raw love at its most unprocessed. I taste honey. 

They have a kink for the power you have over them. It’s like you have a carrot on a stick and they’re the pig being led to a love den they can’t escape. And they’ll happily be the squealing pig in every lifetime they get with you. This is a soul yearning. 

You will know this person because they will proactively pursue you and they will have no doubts in their mind about it. They are really attracted to your physical form, your curves. Even if you’re on the slimmer side, they like your structure and the dips in your spine. They’ll stare at you when you’re talking and zone out, thinking about how attractive they find you. 

They’re not used to having to try to get someone to sleep with them. They have to put effort towards you and they like that. This person is downright thirsty and craves intimacy with you.

Their fantasies aren’t even dirty, they’re passionate. They want to put you in a mating press, with your knees pressed all the way up beside your ears. They want to penetrate (could be with a toy) deeply and touch that gooey part of you that makes you see stars. 

They want to see an imprint of them in your lower belly. Any position where you’re in their arms is a go for them because they like having you. They want every moment to be just you and them away from the world. So very sweet and intimate. They also love marking you, expect lots of hickeys.

Ignore them from time to time too (healthily, these conditions should be discussed beforehand)! They see you as the ultimate prize, so if you delay their satisfaction, they’ll feel like they’re chasing again, which gets them off. They like to feel like they’re convincing you to sleep with them. You both are consenting, but they like the idea of you having better things to do and they’re trying to convince you to stay and party with them. 

They are very action-oriented and love movement. Anything that involves an adventure together, they are down for. 

PS. Surprise them with a bubble bath together, they’ll love that. And tease them while pulling their hair a bit!

Ode To My Darling Sun

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Science experiment reader please? The angst is feeding my soul 🥹💛

Jason let you settle back in on the couch and left you in the library, still rubbing his sternum and clearing his throat.

But you stifled a groan. Now that you were awake, you were awake. And you would be until your brain decided it was time to sleep. Worst. Parting gift. Ever. You didn't dream unless it was nightmares and you couldn't sleep more than an hour or two at a time. Cycling between being practical narcolepsy and no sleep at all. Walk it was, then.

At least that wasn't super demanding and if you stuck to your path it would take you somewhere you could scream and cry to your heart's content- maybe if you wore your self out you could pass out for a while in your hammock out there.

So. You go in search of Alfred to let him know you were leaving- the last thing you wanted was a panicked search party looking for you in the little clearing you made. You didn't doubt people knew where it was. They ran trainings in the woods all the time. People rambled out there all the time. But, everyone pretended they didn't know about it, and you appreciated it. It was small. Tucked back in a gap in the old growth, where there was a sliver of sky. But the trees still damped the noise and you felt far enough from people to feel... free. Even if it wasn't really true. There were still other emotions at the edges of it all.

"That was a short sleep," The butler observed, frowning slightly.

"Yeah," you sigh. "It's just like that sometimes." You knew you could probably say Jason had woke you up. He'd get in trouble. But- he got himself in enough trouble without your help. And being petty wouldn't really keep you off his radar, where you wanted to be. "I figured I'd go on a walk."

"The fresh air would probably do you some good," he hummed. "I'll prepare snacks. And ice water."

"Alfred, today is your day off I can always grab-"

He waved away your concerns easily and smiled slightly, "Humor me,. I like to feel useful."

You huff, half smiling and shake your head. "Thank you."

"My pleasure," he said, "now on with it. Go find a book to smuggle out, I'm sure there's a nice sunny spot somewhere." And when you give him one of your rare actual smiles, he figures, a few minutes of putting junk food in your plastic Zoltar lunch box and water in a metal container with green sparkles is worth it.

Especially when you come back later. Green sparkly knapsack slung over your shoulder- probably holding a blanket and a book or two. Whatever solace you found out there, he hoped it was enough to make the pain easier to bear.

___________

Bruce paced and watched the clock glancing at Alfred, "When did she leave?"

"Not long after noon, Master Bruce," the Butler said, not bothering to conceal his concern.

"How did she seem?" he asked.

"Tired," Alfred recalled, "But in good spirits. She took her knapsack. I gave her a few snacks and some water. I assumed she was simply going to find some quiet spot in the woods to read. When she hadn't come back by dinner I thought she might have fallen asleep."

"Hn."

"So," Dick said, "She's probably not lost or hurt. She probably knows exactly where she is."

"Probably," Tim said. "The trick would be getting back in the dark without a flashlight."

Bruce scrubbed his hand over his face. When he'd left you you'd been dozing off in the house. Having finally hit the right balance of quiet and comfort in your brain to be able to rest. "I'll go and-"

"Or you could go," Dick said, pointing at the Bat signal visible out the window.

"Damn," Bruce sighed. "Dick You'll have to go." Not just anyone could go. Especially not if you were asleep. It had to be someone you knew. And if you were in the woods- if they had to go get you from there... well. You were going to need gentle handling. And Dick would be able to do it.

Dick nodded and stood up. Watching Bruce and Tim leave to get ready to go. "Alfred, is Jason around?"

"Master Todd is unaware of this currently, I believe," he said.

"Can you keep him that way?"

"I can try."

[eldritchamy]

omg i completely forgot about the grand folia hotel. i read it when it came out, it rewired my whole dang brain, and then i moved on. aaaa im gonna go reread it right now even though I've been up all night and need to sleep (there aren't any plants around to stop me from making self-destructive sleep cycle decisions muahaha). thank you for your post about it! also if it's alright to offer a recommendation, Hospitable Takeover on Readonlymind.com was the second ever HDG fanfic and in my opinion greatly informed the tone of the setting in 2021 and 2022. It's also just super cozy and comfy and a perennial favorite of mine ^w^

You're welcome for the brainworms!

I understand completely, I'm not sure WHAT chapter 10 did to me but I think my brain is a torus now. I didn't THINK I had a free use kink (I PROBABLY still don't, at least as a participant), but I didn't think I had a PETPLAY kink either until this fucking universe started turning me inside out a few days ago.

I'm already rereading The Grand Folia Hotel myself because I feel like given the plot there's a lot more to get out of it by reading it through a second time (somehow I didn't realize that Phoebe was basically in a perpetual lesbian bluescreen from the moment she stepped into the garden in chapter 1).

Plus it was just EXTRAORDINARILY HOT and I can't wait to watch Phoebe/Amaranth get broken all over again.

It's a shame the story didn't keep going into the ongoing corruption and implantation past her initial surrender, the characters had such good chemistry with each other that I'm really craving more of them. Would have LOVED a chapter or two (or six) of newly implanted pinnates, especially with how amused Celosia was by the fact that they fucking tricked her into taking them at all. Celosia and Phoebe are fucking perfect for each other.

Her revenge must have been DELICIOUS.

And GOD Becca must have been so fucking smug about it once Phoebe was ACTUALLY a floret. I need to know the teasing that happened once she got her real implant.

This is what I meant in a previous post when I said I was "frothing at the cerebellum" to read it again. I'm going actually insane.

Which, as many new people are I'm sure rapidly learning about me, means it is Once Again Infodump Time, because I suffer from a terminal case of Someone Needs To Shut Me Up With A Kiss disease. (I am also a long sufferer of Capitalizes Letters For Emphasis syndrome.)

I'm like the free use kink of infodumping, a bunch of people seem to have figured out how to make me do it almost on queue, and they do it, because they think it's cute. I don't DENY that it's cute, but god does it seem to cost me a lot of the time that I meant to spend reading about the good little florets.

I CAN'T keep taking an hour to write every goddamn post I make about HDG. WHEN WILL I SLEEP? More importantly, WHEN WILL I FINISH REREADING CHAPTER TWO? It took me four extraneous paragraphs to even mention that the read more continues exactly from the train of thought I left off on an aforementioned four paragraphs ago! God, I need help.

AND Phoebe never even saw herself in a mirror ONCE in the story! I want to know what happened the first time she saw what the Class Gs were doing to her! (Do you think Celosia put her in Doll Mode and made Amaranth pose in front of a mirror and be perfectly still, watching her own blank expression obediently while Celosia and Jazz just relentlessly caressed her with every imaginable affection? Do you think Phoebe's wake up trigger was Amaranth saying "Good dolls know they are deserving of love. I'm a good doll and I am worthy of love"? Do you think, beyond the moment when she accepted she was meant to be broken by Celosia's will, that that was the moment she understood what it meant to be put back together, and it was the moment she truly felt, and for the first time could not deny or run away from, that she was the happiest she'd ever been? Because I DO think that happened. And I need it.)

It even would have been nice to see INDRA further along in her own corruption later on. Altiss seemed like a good influence on her, it was really sweet that she had that nice moment with Phoebe at the end of the Matinee.

I'm STARVING for more of that specific story, it was SO good. (Keysmasht, if you ever see this somehow, how much of my soul do you want for a few more chapters? I'll beg.)

Hell, I might beg for permission to write those chapters MYSELF someday. That story is too good for there to not be more of it.

Anyway.

Thanks for the recommendation! I can't BELIEVE I've never heard of this setting before now, it's extremely my shit (apparently) and I'm loving the discovery of new, interesting content that I can not fucking put down. Judging by the tags on my posts, and a friend on discord, flinging myself headfirst into all of this has inspired a few other little seedlings to follow me into florethood.

Recommendations from people more familiar with the setting and stories are definitely welcome, though I can't promise I'll get to any one particular story soon.

Abscission and Divaricated come up in a lot of recommendations for lore reasons? But I've been putting off some of the longer stories like those and Dog of War because they're HUGE commitments and it's so hard not to consume as many stories as possible.

Except, of course, for the fact that I keep rereading the ones I've already gone through because I like what they did to my brain.

I'm struggling not to make TWO other ones I've already read (the original and Inosculate) the next ones on the list after rereading Grand Folia.

Hospital Takeover sounds like an EXCELLENT recommendation, I LOVE cozy and comfy stuff within a primarily kink setting. I'm SO glad the second one I ever read was A Normal Grocery Run During Which No Domestication Occurs. I adore the way SapphicSounds writes dorkier more nervous Affini, and I'm glad I got to see THAT QUICKLY how much of a tonal range there was in HDG stories.

Sleepy Bitch also sounds cute, so I wanna do that one soon.

Also the reading of any particular one is slow going because unfortunately my brain is absolutely churning with ideas of my own. I'm VERY tempted to do a pinnates one because I'm absolutely HOOKED on that concept in particular. I already know one of their names and I just came up with a great title for the story while ...rather vividly imaging a very intense domming scene.

I do want to read a fair bit more before I try my hand at writing one, though. While I've got enough domme in me to feel like I could do some of the Affini taunting justice (seeing Akash in the first story use almost the exact domming style I go for was... enlightening, to say the least; now I know why I get such good keymashes out of my teasing victims), I want to have a bit more confidence in the world itself first to make sure I get it right.

But it's far from the first time I've considered writing erotica. I definitely have the brainworms for it at the moment.

[asexualbookbird]

FINISHED ELATSOE!!!!

Absolutely DELIGHTFUL read! The narrator was so good, she didn't do character voices, but some characters had their own accents and honestly I loved it. This is the first YA novel I've read and enjoyed in a WHILE I think the last one was Little Thieves lol maybe I should just read acespec ya novels maybe thats the trick to enjoying YA again

I loved how magic was just ingrained in every day life and I think thats the magical realism? But I thought I read somewhere magical realism is like....specific to a certain group of people? Not necessarily indigenous, I think I saw it linked to Mexican heritage but also there's overlap with indigenous americans and mexicans so i dont know! I DO know in 2015 tumblr people got yelled at for calling The Raven Cycle magical realism because Stiefvater was white.

ANYWAY. I LIKED THAT ASPECT OF IT! Loved how magic was just a Thing people lived with. Loved that Elatsoe's mother ALSO had ghost powers. Loved that Jay had pointed ears and that it was just casually thrown in there in the second half of the book. Loved the Cursed Men Vampires. Loved banishing them from the land by revoking their welcome what a great bit.

And as mentioned before, LOVE that Elatsoe's parents are part of the adventure! Love that Jays sister and her boyfriend tag along! Love that Elatsoe has all this support!!!! Huge fan!!!! Adding this to my Wish I Read Sooner shelf because WHAT THE HECK, SELF, WHY DID YOU WAIT!!!!!

10/10 do recommend

[fairydust-stuff]

I actually do love Mo Ran but

2ha Fandom Rong Jiu was just nasty trash I don't blame Mo Ran for crushing him. Is a take I cann't stand him! Song got what she deserved.

I mean Mo Ran only became a better person because he got a magical do over and even then it took him half a time line. To start to not be a shit but because Rong Jiu and Song aren't instantly remorseful. Their garbage even though they never got time, care and attention from those not their slave owners.

Meatbun even highlights this with RJ in her notes.

I also love how the power dynamic of a ritch kid punching down on on and sexually assaulting a sex slave while tricking the justice system useing his connections to get away with stealing from him. Is seen as justice and not a gross abuse of power.

(And some of this shit you cann't blame the flower of hate on) And everything he does is cheered on. And then the same people painting RJ as a predator to innocent sweet underage Mo Ran. Proceed to go hate on Song who was a teenager when Mo Ran dragged her off and married her after slaughtering her entire sect. Then are like yes this thirty year old is justified in killing her twice. Because she was mildly petty and selfish at best.

Both times he lashes out at them doing anything back/anything he doesn't like in Song's case. Instead of letting what they did in the past go. Ignoring his own culpibility/ selfishness in their situations. Even side stepping the issue to pass judgement on their moral character. To absolve himself of wrongdoing. In Song's case he even projects his own abuse/ sins toward Chu Wanning onto her.

I don't think your supposed to actually agree with Mo Ran. Those examples are here to highlight why he's not a good person. The entire 2ha universe doesn't support eye for an eye. Could some of it had been done better sure.

But I don't understand how some people read Mo Rans trial scene. Pointing out the self rightious and the very clear people love to feel better about themselves by humilating/hurting wrongdoers message and not going back and seeing the very set up of that theme with Mo Ran & Rong Jiu and Mo Ran & Song.

Both times he starts out as the one dishing out his idea of justice and ends up the one on trial. With the mob doing the same thing to him. The cycle of blame and self rightious posturing without offering aid and compassion is the point!

[peaches2217]

man i just saw your post after an hour of doing the exact same thing. it fucking sucks. to me it's like... whenever i see the topic my brain goes through the following process:

>come across opportunity to view triggering content

>triggering topic in question is "trivial"

>in head: "oh come on it'll be fine/if you seriously still get worked up about this you have some growing up to do! you won't know if you've improved until you expose yourself to it again" (idk if you do the same but yk when you've got a sore spot and you keep touching it to see if it hurts any more/less than last time?)

>view triggering topic

>feel like shit

>rinse and repeat

tldr i feel like our brains trick us into undermining our trauma responses/triggers for whatever reason which is why we get pulled into these cycles of re-exposing ourselves to them. you've posted before about being extremely diligent, not putting your own feelings first due to the culture/environment you grew up in etc, and while idrk you i'm wondering if that plays a role in you returning to read about your triggers sometimes. because you're not taking your emotional responses to it seriously enough, you see your issue as this stupid/pathetic thing instead of a legitimate problem that deserves management and support. idk though lmao. please be well

Actually, that’s… kinda on the money. The topic I got sucked into last night is so stupid and SHOULDN’T get me worked up but it DOES, and even when I acknowledge that something is raw or triggering to me, I don’t really think it’s justified unless it’s one of The Big Two (suicide and self-harm), otherwise it’s just a trivial topic that I’m too pathetic and thin-skinned to not handle like an adult. Like… yeah, I need to understand what’s so bothersome to me and work through it, but how do I work through it if not by exposing myself to it? And if just exposing myself to it is enough to pull me into a spiral, then clearly it’s not a management issue, it’s a ME issue, and I have a lot of reflecting and improvement to do before I can become operational and normal and, I dunno, valid. Right now I don’t really think I’m any of those things.

Sorry to rant and ramble, and I’m so sorry you go through similar. Please be well as well! 🫂

[illholy]

█ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 : 倪 秀 允 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐒 : judith. baptismal name

▬ 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔’𝐕𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 : My memory isn't that great, so I can't guarantee I haven't been yelling about random information about Judith, but here we are. ; content warning, mentions of body image.

001. Due to her tolerance for pain and discomfort, Judith habitually ignores  / not notice ' hunger ' . Thus making her malnourished, she weighs too light for her stature and her health is subpar. This habit contributes to her lack of energy and wispy constitution. 002. Judith is born in Ancient China, during the Ming Dynasty. Her religion is largely attributed to the Catholic Reformation at that time, in which drove her father into missionary work, eventually immigrating for the cost and leaving her birth land and moving to Europe. She became an oblate by the age of 13, officially becoming a member of the monastic community and training to become a nun. She took her vow at the age of 17.

She's originally a Benedictine while her father was a Jesuit, however her Reglious Order doesn't matter, as she'd find herself jumping around over the centuries.

003. Judith doesn't really stop 'aging'. While Physical youth may be retained, there are some attributes that do not farewell throughout time, such as memory and mental health

ie. she's forgetful, doesn't remember her birthday / birthplace / parents. or that she doesn't have a menstrual cycle.

▬ 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐒 𝐃𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 :

001. Reading, just a lot of reading. 002. Sleeping, it's practically a talent to sleep anywhere and everywhere at this point. 003. Bothering people, she refuses to have a free time to be honest.

▬ 𝐒𝐈𝐗 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐒/𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐒 :

Trick question, she likes & loves practically everyone she meets, it's so hard press for her to dislike anyone. If she does, dislike you, it's probably your fault . . . like how did you manage that ?

▬ 𝐓𝐖𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐒 :

Often, the pangs of regrets makes itself known during times of 'parting'. She wants to do more things with you! Life is so short and quick, so pardon her for grabbing at you and deliberately STEALING your time. That's all really.

▬ 𝐓𝐖𝐎 𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐀𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐒 :

No particular mentally debilitating fears, unfortunately ms.ma'am sense of fear dulled out, her body just reacts to danger stimuli, like you know if you're a 50ft monster freak, only god knows what you are, then most def, she's buckling her knees or like, some people just have that air about them that signals the self-preservation flag. ( not that she's good at LISTENING. )

⤿  𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 : @unladielike. thank you! this was so timely, trying to fiddle with the muse back! ⤿  𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 : idk who'd like to do this cause it's quite long ;-; so empty for now, but feel free to tag me!

[bestworstcase]

Do you think Light gave Ozma the reincarnate with a hostage so he wouldn’t create another Salem, or so that he could never truly do what he wanted to, be that hero or villain, bc he was taking over someone’s life and he knew Ozma would be too noble to just high Jack it completely? Bc Salem is immortal and alone and that didn’t turn out great. He could’ve made Ozma immortal as well but he did it in this very weird way and I’ve tried to write this twice and the other two had more thoughts but I’m sending it now for fear of losing it a third time

in all honesty while the ‘light made it so ozma would never be alone because he wanted to avoid a salem repeat’ seems to be a pretty widespread interpretation, my sense is that it would require a degree of critical self-reflection i’m not at all convinced light is capable of.

he would first need to grasp that torturing salem in this way ensured she would never give him what he wanted, and yet the ultimatum is quite clearly motivated by a need to retaliate against her act of defiance (<- jumping into the pool of grimm, which may implicate her in the resurrection of humanity itself and certainly represents a refusal to grovel for his forgiveness like he wants).

so he learnt nothing. he’s still determined to torture her, and the wording of the ultimatum indicates that his perception is still that salem’s problem, the great sin for which the whole world must be redeemed or perish, is that she had the audacity to “demand” things from him. (“if you still demand our blessings” gives the game away. that’s what it’s truly about.)

another crucial thing to keep in mind is that light’s self-perception is very strongly that he is both right and good, and he wants to be seen as such; this is why he takes the benevolent tone with salem at first, even as his choice of words betrays him (a tearful “please, bring him back to me” is not a demand, but light describes it as such). the difference between that scene and the ultimatum is that salem’s emotional outburst provokes him whereas ozma never challenges or questions laid rightness and so the facade does not crack in the same way.

light is manipulative. we see it with salem, when his initial gentleness vanishes the instant she expresses an emotion he doesn’t approve of; we see it with dark, when light insinuates that salem merely used him and tricked him; and we see it in spades with ozma. he describes the extinction of humankind as “a… tragedy” orchestrated by his brother, obscuring his own part in the massacre and indifference to it after the fact. he takes care to poison the well against salem when ozma says he wants to be with her. and he says “you will reincarnate in a manner that ensures you are never alone” when what he really means is “you will be a parasite sustained and haunted by the lives of the vessels you devour, forever.”

i think there is a general tendency within the fandom to interpret light as an entity who fundamentally doesn’t understand the depth of suffering he causes—that every traumatic consequence of his actions is unintended. particularly among the crowd who like to pretend that the reincarnation/merge is actually beneficial and not killing oscar, but even beyond them, “you will never be alone” is often read as an attempt to, in essence, safeguard ozma against loneliness.

i think light knew damn fucking well what he was doing. “where you seek comfort, you will only find pain” is a warning that has very little to do with what ozma actually says and everything to do with light anticipating that ozma will desperately crave comfort once he awakens to the reality of what light intends to do to him, and it is equally as cruel a curse as “so long as this world turns, you shall walk its face.” salem cannot rest, and ozma cannot find comfort; that is the intended outcome of their respective curses.

so light puts ozma into a never-ending cycle of destroying and becoming his hosts, a process which to all appearances ends with ozma living with an exact copy of himself in his head who can reprimand him when he drifts from his mandate or reinforce his commitment to it; it is not a coincidence that the life where ozma decided it was important to “live with the souls with which he had been paired” is also the one when he finally wholesale dedicates himself to fulfilling his mandate by destroying salem.

think about the way ozpin treated oscar—rifling through his memories to find strings to pull, cajoling, badgering, forcibly taking control when it suited him, frequently reminding oscar that he has no choice and he will inevitably become ozpin. that is what ozma has been doing to himself for thousands of years and i think that is precisely what light intended to happen. it’s to ensure ozma never changes and never strays because he is being constantly and relentlessly monitored by his double.

[seriousbrat]

This is a response to your anti james anon because as a James Lover it made me think. I do believe James changed because Lily wouldn’t have gotten with him otherwise, but they were right Remus and Sirius had bias with the “Snape never lost an opportunity to hex James” i dont think this was ever confirmed by anyone else was it🤔🤔 This makes me think that James changed and stopped bullying everyone else except Severus , which doesn’t make him look like he matured, but still … if James had been a master manipulator wouldnt we have known? Do I blame this one on JKR’s writing (😂)? Haha. Im glad it made think though. Have u ever thought about this?

I've definitely thought about it! It's completely true that Remus and Sirius were heavily biased and you absolutely have to read between the lines during their conversation with Harry.

It's not confirmed by anyone else, so I can see why people don't believe it, but I personally think it was mostly, though not fully, true. This is because we're shown that Snape, particularly as a child, had an aggressive, vengeful streak and often resorted to violence. To me it just makes sense for his character that he would want to get even with James during this period. I just can't believe that he would let the fact that James was dating Lily lie there 😂

That doesn't mean James wasn't at fault or that he wasn't instigating himself. So while Remus and Sirius make it seem (unconvincingly) like James was just innocently defending himself while Snape assailed him from all sides, I think it was really more of a back-and-forth. In my mind they had kind of a "shoot on sight" policy with each other during 7th year and it was just a matter of who saw who first, or who fired the first shot in any given confrontation.

I also think that you have to take into account that for years, Snape was the victim. That's still a factor, and so what he's doing is more along the lines of reactive violence and is more understandable. Perhaps if James had just walked away from the conflict and been the bigger person for once, it would have been better- but I also think it wasn't in either of their natures to walk away. As I've said before, at this point they're trapped in a cycle of violence that self-perpetuates.

So I think the truth is somewhere in between "James was just an innocent angel defending himself!!!!1" and "James was hunting down Snape behind Lily's back to torment him!!!!1" lol. I definitely believe these conflicts were more circumstantial than anything, like if they happened to run into each other in an empty corridor, exchange a few insults and then someone would start firing. But that's still a different dynamic than what we saw in SWM and it makes sense to me with both of their characters. James changing was likely an imperfect process, he's not going to go from a raging dickhead to champion of levelheaded benevolence in the space of a year. They're still two hotheaded teenage boys with a LOT of anger and hatred between them so obviously theyre gonna fight lmao.

Also, this is just my headcanon but I like to believe that Remus and Sirius weren't actually privy to the true motivations behind these fights, so they saw it simply as a continuation of what came before. In my mind, it was more of a Snape and James thing than ever, it was newly personal, and I think that's why James didn't share details with anyone. AKA, it was almost always about Lily. Sev believed that James had "tricked" Lily or was otherwise a danger to her, or was going to lead her into danger (the prank, for instance). James believed that Snape was a danger to Lily because of his associations with Death Eaters. Both are reasonable on some level, but ironically neither understood that they wanted the same thing above all else: to protect Lily.

[altocat]

Not sure if you've done this, so sorry in advance. If Sephiroth had a child, but the mother didn't make it, what would a child raised by only Sephiroth act like? Lets say a daughter because that brings up more inherent mommy issues. I'm talking both sane and insane Sephiroth.

I know your headcanon for sane him is being in love with Genesis, but for the sake of the prompt, I'll assume Hojo pulled some NASTY tricks. Insane Sephiroth is trying to create a new world, and I'm 99% sure he does not want to raise a remnant after how they turned out.

Sephiroth doesn't want to be a father. The damage done to him throughout his life has made him exceedingly disturbed at the idea of repeating the cycle. He feels that he isn't emotionally equipped enough to handle it, and is terrified of the idea of his own blood being brought up in the labs the way he was.

Now, should Hojo do something particularly nasty and succeed in breeding Sephiroth...

-If there's no mother at all, Sephiroth has to make a choice. His duty to Shinra or knowing that Hojo will torture his offspring for the rest of her natural life, conditioning and corrupting her little by little.

-At first, Sephiroth spends the first few years completely detaching, ignoring his guilt, trying to remain loyal and avoiding it completely. But when he finally sees her again, now a fragile wobbly toddler behind the glass, he can't bear it. It's the first time he's genuinely, completely enraged and angry, breaking through his calm facade just to get to her, killing Hojo without hesitation, taking the child and running. If Sephiroth was ready to leave Shinra over his friends, he would have burned the place to the ground over his child.

-As a father, Sephiroth is distant and not very communicative. He doesn't like to share his emotions and he isn't good at playing or doting or doing anything a healthy father should. He is often leaving her in safe spots and will disappear for long periods, only coming back with food or when it's time for bed. He will purchase whatever is required to keep her well cared for, but he honestly has no idea how to express the traditional feelings of paternal love that most fathers provide. He WANTS to. And the feelings are there deep down. But he is completely at a loss.

-It's only after they've been together for a while that Sephiroth finally begins to learn little by little. He might not ever be a physically affectionate father, but he begins to provide her with gifts, toys. He tries to express himself when he can, and would fight to the death to keep her safe. In rare instances, his hollow mask shatters and she can see just how tired and anxious he really is. It takes many years before he is finally able to tell her that he loves her.

-By the time he's raised her to adulthood, they're much much closer. She understands him very well and he's much more relaxed by then. Sephiroth is more at peace far away from Shinra. And is low-key constantly following his daughter wherever she goes. She finds it quietly amusing. He's still so awkward, and lots of what he says around her is blisteringly aloof and stilted. But she doesn't doubt that he really does love her, and is devoted to her.

-She probably would grow up a bit more mature than other kids her age. And due to Sephiroth being Sephiroth, would probably be well versed in self-defense and reading others when they can't really verbalize. I don't think she'd be especially powerful or important or sue-ish. I like the idea of Sephiroth's child being Just Some Gal. Wise, thoughtful, pragmatic, and thankfully living a normal, boring, uneventful life with no Main Character higher purpose or trauma. Sephiroth would greatly prefer that.

-Because I'm mean, I'd like to think she very strongly resembles Lucrecia hehehehe...

-ANYWAY Insane!Sephiroth just wants to see what's in it for him. Otherwise, he'd find a nice little nook and dump her off. He'll come back once she's an adult and can be useful to Jenova's cause. Other than that, she is of little use to him.

[forthesanityofstorytellers]

Writeblr Battle Royale, Lyra - Round 1

Oh Anuli 😭

Anyway.

Joined the @writeblrbattleroyale event and entered Lyra as one of my OCs to fight to the death!! And, well...I mean Lyra would do it except she's got an impulse to help/defend the ones that she can. So when she spotted @anulithots 's Anuli in the arena she just...really...couldn't...hurt fae. She wants to pick fae up and cuddle her until things are okay. But she's been in something similar enough to this that she knows how this goes and doesn't want fae to have to go through this again and again and again...so she makes a choice.

Content warnings for self-deprecating/ can be read as mild su*cidal ideation

Wordcount: 1,610

--------------------------------------

Static. 

The story restarted with static. 

As it did. Every time. Every cycle. Leading to nothing but this ending and this ending alone. Some false lead that I may have won. That I might have written a happy ending. Or an unhappy one in this case… only to be blinded to a plot twist of my own making. 

How utterly ironic. The villain messed with faer own motives. Antagonistic, even to faerself. All I needed was an evil laugh. My realization arc would be complete. 

…As soon as my weight stopped tipping from side to side and I figured out if those spark-rimmed dark spots were real or not, and the static stopped consuming me whole. 

Plot holes and darling murders. 

I must have fallen. The tether finally snapped. Into the static I went. Into a happy ending, a release, a freedom I didn’t deserve…. How could it be a sequel? No one likes sequels. It was already the end after all. The villain got faer unhappy ending. It should’ve stayed that way. 

Sequels were narratively impossible. The story was over, all loose threads, resolved, one can’t write a continuation to something forgotten and finished. The only way to do it was a narrative spiral and even that… It hurts. My leaves smarted as the black spots danced. 

The captured star broke from its container, shattering the shards in an explosion of light. The shards stuck in odd angles, flesh punctured, beads of blood tricking, pooling in my stomach. It roared, setting my skin on fire. The static swirled in my head, throbbing, throbbing… 

When did my heartbeat get so loud? Was I breathing? Yes, weird and hollow, but there. Why was it so loud? 

Another one of those spooky antagonist paradoxes. 

…. Oh that was ridiculous. 

….

….

My vision blurred in and out. Didn’t I get rid of- I swayed, back and forth. Thoughts fizzled and popped. Not again. I rubbed my head in circular motions. Feelings exist. Feelings exist. Do not float into oblivion. Why did my skin burn? Was it that hot? Was there even sun? It hurts. Shouldn’t it stop hurting after…. a while? 

Oh no. No no no nonono.

Lyra shook off her disorientation as the white began to fade from around her into the space beyond, revealing an arena. The walls rose up around them in stone, the dirt scuffling at her feet as her ears began to swivel and she took in the sights and sounds around her. She flinched when a box up high began speaking, flattening her ears to her head as she took a moment to adjust to the noise and the crackle of static.

A gamemaster? Contenders?! Opponents!?

“No!!” she yelled, wings snapping out to either side. “Not again!!”

She hadn’t even been playing with the scroll this time. She’d given up the search for him, had started trying to fight the darkness back home without his aid. She didn’t have time for this, she didn’t want to be stuck in another death-match tournament with an onlooker that watched bloodshed for amusement.

She glanced around. Her bow. Where was her bow!?!

She caught sight of the one that was supposed to be her opponent, Lyra spreading out her wings and readying herself to fly. To use magic if she needed, damn the consequences. She needed to get back home as fast as possible.

But the one across from her…they seemed…like they shouldn’t be here. They seemed lost, confused.

Lyra lowered her wings. Glanced around at the arena. Looked back at the one opposite her.

“...Are you okay?” She called out. She took the risk of approaching. They didn’t answer at first. So she tried again. “You look so frightened,” she said softly. “Do you…have wings?” She flexed her own a little, enough to make them move. “Can you fly? Maybe we can fly out of here together?”

The words- for they were words after all… maybe… probably - floated over my head and to some far off place.

The other fairy (?) flexed their wings and the static ricocheted.

Oh 

Oh no no no, absolutely not. Forget narrative symmetry and thoughts stop burning up and form coherent words….

Battle of the fates. 

Kill the fallen fairy. 

And the other one, some other high protector, took that archetype in every shape, way, and form. 

They should kill the fallen fairy, before they realize its true nature. An irredeemable mushed up mess of antagonistic traits that would inevitably mess this up. It was only a matter of some sick comedic timing. Sequels were ridiculous like that. I growled. It made my roots curl into themselves, static sparking. And like a sequel, the story was set on reusing the same plot structure, beginning, progressing, and ending the same way.

Kamari should’ve realized sooner. 

They should’ve realized sooner. 

Anuli the antagonist couldn’t fly. Anuli the antagonist couldn’t say things right or find faer tree or function whatsoever or get faer thoughts off faer ridiculous stories for two seconds for simple, simple things that Anuli the antagonist just couldn’t do. No matter how hard fae tried. Fae wasn’t trying to be an antagonist… at least, I hoped that was the case. But whenever I tried to fix things, it never worked. I was just… the antagonist. 

They would waste valuable time trying to further the narrative of the opposition. It would cost them. It would cost them their happy ending. 

I really needed to perfect that evil laugh. 

The ground swayed. The static roared.  I couldn’t even be an antagonist. It was so hot. So loud. 

A small, selfish thought imagined the other - the protagonist, the ‘opponent’ - giving me a hug and singing and a lullabye, making the Place of Tethers retreat. I hissed at it. Never again. I would not repeat the same story twice. 

I gripped my antenna and yanked until my muzzle stung. 

“Oh, you poor thing,” Lyra muttered, backing away. Put her hands up. “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise.” She kept her voice soft. She glanced around. It sounded like this was a contest. Like there was another death match just beyond this one, and another and another and another. She glanced back at her ‘opponent’ and let out a sigh. “You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve…to have anyone hurt you, Kelouoyba. I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve gone through.”

She stood and backed away. “I’m going to make sure you don’t have to put up with this.” She glanced up at the white expanse above them. Raised her voice so she could be heard by the one no doubt watching. “And once I’m done here I’m coming for you, game master!!”

She would not go through this again. Would not watch as ones like this one were forced into fighting for their lives. Not ones that had clearly been through a lot. That had been through enough. That deserved peace.

Her wings stretched to either side and she took off into the air, keeping herself level with the top of the wall, just under where the wall turned into what looked like some sort of stands or seating of some kind. She turned her attention to the other one, began humming as she concentrated. Summoned her core magic from deep within. Reached out with hands and magic to connect with the earth directly under her opponent. Felt it as her magic connected to this strange ground, pushing with all her might to create a hole directly under them.

Mistake. 

Mistake. 

Mistake. 

I deserve it. I ruined the same story multiple times. I’m a villain. An antagonist. 

It would be so much worse. I could either let the tether tighten, or fall to everything different. Both were wrong - false leads to the same ending.

And so the story continues. The villain ruins the stories of the ones who gave the antagonist faer own. 

“Akonh Kelouoyba!!” Use your wings, little one. She shouted it as angrily as she could, made it sound like a threat to help sell the idea that she was attacking using her magic, knowing that they likely couldn’t understand her even as her voice rattled in her throat, the cost of her magic.

The Protector shouted. Shouted. Angry. Or wanted something. Something that I couldn’t give. I winced. I did it again. Couldn’t get out of my own thoughts for two minutes to prevent this. Perhaps I was meant to play this role for eternity. Over and over and over and - 

The Protector… was angry, during a battle of the fates. 

Fae realized. 

The story’s over. 

Villain defeated.  

The static roared and the world collapsed to darkness. 

Once they fell she slammed the top of the earth shut with a loud hammering sound and landed on the very spot. She knew she had left an opening big enough and deep enough for them to be safe, so long as they were able to flutter down and reach the bottom. She placed her hand on the spot they had just been and whispered, “Rmhte, Kelouoyba.” Be safe, little one.

-------------------------------------

Yeah. She's gonna try and fight her way up to the game master so she can kill him. She doesn't like being forced in these types of games and even more so now after Anuli. It'll be interesting to see how far she gets.

Also to see if she meets a certain OC that'll put her on edge and probably cause her to have a meltdown.

This was fun! ❤ I'm glad we got to write together and I can't wait for round 2!!

[anulithots]

"Let the battle begin" (Writeblr battle royale)

(Yk what, no one can stop me from posting really late.)

Content warnings for self-deprecating/ can be read as mild su*cidal ideation

@writeblrbattleroyale presented a fight, in return I gave it OC's that have never fought before and would die instantly, for, you know, funzies.

But @forthesanityofstorytellers's Lyra ended up being the sweetest bean ever, thank you so much for writing this with me <3 <3

And now, my esteemed guests, onto the fight

-------

Static. 

The story restarted with static. 

As it did. Every time. Every cycle. Leading to nothing but this ending and this ending alone. Some false lead that I may have won. That I might have written a happy ending. Or an unhappy one in this case… only to be blinded to a plot twist of my own making. 

How utterly ironic. The villain messed with faer own motives. Antagonistic, even to faerself. All I needed was an evil laugh. My realization arc would be complete. 

…As soon as my weight stopped tipping from side to side and I figured out if those spark-rimmed dark spots were real or not, and the static stopped consuming me whole. 

Plot holes and darling murders. 

I must have fallen. The tether finally snapped. Into the static I went. Into a happy ending, a release, a freedom I didn’t deserve…. How could it be a sequel? No one likes sequels. It was already the end after all. The villain got faer unhappy ending. It should’ve stayed that way. 

Sequels were narratively impossible. The story was over, all loose threads, resolved, one can’t write a continuation to something forgotten and finished. The only way to do it was a narrative spiral and even that… It hurts. My leaves smarted as the black spots danced. 

The captured star broke from its container, shattering the shards in an explosion of light. The shards stuck in odd angles, flesh punctured, beads of blood tricking, pooling in my stomach. It roared, setting my skin on fire. The static swirled in my head, throbbing, throbbing… 

When did my heartbeat get so loud? Was I breathing? Yes, weird and hollow, but there. Why was it so loud? 

Another one of those spooky antagonist paradoxes. 

…. Oh that was ridiculous. 

….

….

My vision blurred in and out. Didn’t I get rid of- I swayed, back and forth. Thoughts fizzled and popped. Not again. I rubbed my head in circular motions. Feelings exist. Feelings exist. Do not float into oblivion. Why did my skin burn? Was it that hot? Was there even sun? It hurts. Shouldn’t it stop hurting after…. a while? 

-----

Oh no. No no no nonono.

Lyra shook off her disorientation as the white began to fade from around her into the space beyond, revealing an arena. The walls rose up around them in stone, the dirt scuffling at her feet as her ears began to swivel and she took in the sights and sounds around her. She flinched when a box up high began speaking, flattening her ears to her head as she took a moment to adjust to the noise and the crackle of static.

A gamemaster? Contenders?! Opponents!?

“No!!” she yelled, wings snapping out to either side. “Not again!!”

She hadn’t even been playing with the scroll this time. She’d given up the search for him, had started trying to fight the darkness back home without his aid. She didn’t have time for this, she didn’t want to be stuck in another death-match tournament with an onlooker that watched bloodshed for amusement.

She glanced around. Her bow. Where was her bow!?!

She caught sight of the one that was supposed to be her opponent, Lyra spreading out her wings and readying herself to fly. To use magic if she needed, damn the consequences. She needed to get back home as fast as possible.

But the one across from her…they seemed…like they shouldn’t be here. They seemed lost, confused.

Lyra lowered her wings. Glanced around at the arena. Looked back at the one opposite her.

“...Are you okay?” She called out. She took the risk of approaching. They didn’t answer at first. So she tried again. “You look so frightened,” she said softly. “Do you…have wings?” She flexed her own a little, enough to make them move. “Can you fly? Maybe we can fly out of here together?”

-------

The words- for they were words after all… maybe… probably - floated over my head and to some far off place.

The other fairy (?) flexed their wings and the static ricocheted.

Oh 

Oh no no no, absolutely not. Forget narrative symmetry and thoughts stop burning up and form coherent words….

Battle of the fates. 

Kill the fallen fairy. 

And the other one, some other high protector, took that archetype in every shape, way, and form. 

They should kill the fallen fairy, before they realize its true nature. An irredeemable mushed up mess of antagonistic traits that would inevitably mess this up. It was only a matter of some sick comedic timing. Sequels were ridiculous like that. I growled. It made my roots curl into themselves, static sparking. And like a sequel, the story was set on reusing the same plot structure, beginning, progressing, and ending the same way.

Kamari should’ve realized sooner. 

They should’ve realized sooner. 

Anuli the antagonist couldn’t fly. Anuli the antagonist couldn’t say things right or find faer tree or function whatsoever or get faer thoughts off faer ridiculous stories for two seconds for simple, simple things that Anuli the antagonist just couldn’t do. No matter how hard fae tried. Fae wasn’t trying to be an antagonist… at least, I hoped that was the case. But whenever I tried to fix things, it never worked. I was just… the antagonist. 

They would waste valuable time trying to further the narrative of the opposition. It would cost them. It would cost them their happy ending. 

I really needed to perfect that evil laugh. 

The ground swayed. The static roared.  I couldn’t even be an antagonist. It was so hot. So loud. 

A small, selfish thought imagined the other - the protagonist, the ‘opponent’ - giving me a hug and singing and a lullaby, making the Place of Tethers retreat. I hissed at it. Never again. I would not repeat the same story twice. 

I gripped my antenna and yanked until my muzzle stung. 

------

“Oh, you poor thing,” Lyra muttered, backing away. Put her hands up. “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise.” She kept her voice soft. She glanced around. It sounded like this was a contest. Like there was another death match just beyond this one, and another and another and another. She glanced back at her ‘opponent’ and let out a sigh. “You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve…to have anyone hurt you, Kelouoyba. I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve gone through.”

She stood and backed away. “I’m going to make sure you don’t have to put up with this.” She glanced up at the white expanse above them. Raised her voice so she could be heard by the one no doubt watching. “And once I’m done here I’m coming for you, game master!!”

She would not go through this again. Would not watch as ones like this one were forced into fighting for their lives. Not ones that had clearly been through a lot. That had been through enough. That deserved peace.

Her wings stretched to either side and she took off into the air, keeping herself level with the top of the wall, just under where the wall turned into what looked like some sort of stands or seating of some kind. She turned her attention to the other one, began humming as she concentrated. Summoned her core magic from deep within. Reached out with hands and magic to connect with the earth directly under her opponent. Felt it as her magic connected to this strange ground, pushing with all her might to create a hole directly under them.

------

Mistake. 

Mistake. 

Mistake. 

I deserve it. I ruined the same story multiple times. I’m a villain. An antagonist. 

It would be so much worse. I could either let the tether tighten, or fall to everything different. Both were wrong - false leads to the same ending.

And so the story continues. The villain ruins the stories of the ones who gave the antagonist faer own. 

“Akonh Kelouoyba!!” Use your wings, little one. She shouted it as angrily as she could, made it sound like a threat to help sell the idea that she was attacking using her magic, knowing that they likely couldn’t understand her even as her voice rattled in her throat, the cost of her magic.

The Protector shouted. Shouted. Angry. Or wanted something. Something that I couldn’t give. I winced. I did it again. Couldn’t get out of my own thoughts for two minutes to prevent this. Perhaps I was meant to play this role for eternity. Over and over and over and - 

The Protector… was angry, during a battle of the fates. 

Fae realized. 

The story’s over. 

Villain defeated.  

The static roared and the world collapsed to darkness. 

Once they fell she slammed the top of the earth shut with a loud hammering sound and landed on the very spot. She knew she had left an opening big enough and deep enough for them to be safe, so long as they were able to flutter down and reach the bottom. She placed her hand on the spot they had just been and whispered, “Rmhte, Kelouoyba.” Be safe, little one.

-------

I feel like the winners are going to team up to fight M (dungeon master), and I absolutely love how everyone's fights are going.

Watch the rest of the fights, dear bystander.

[cookinguptales]

wwdits tarot: the moon

We’re drawing close to the end now… Only three more Major Arcana after this one, The Sun, Judgement, and The World.

This weekend, I’m planning on opening my inbox up to asks for tarot readings again to celebrate finishing this project, so keep an eye out! I’ll probably be making a poll for which deck y’all would like me to use shortly.

Today’s card is XVIII. The Moon, and it’s probably the only card that I wanted to use two different characters for so badly that I wracked my brain trying to think of the best way to do it.

I think I’ve settled on a good solution. We’ll see what you guys think.

The Moon is about fear, insecurity, and illusion. It’s a card that cautions you against giving into self-doubt, and advises you to try and see your situation with unclouded eyes.

The Moon is one of those cards that feels compassionate but at the same time lightly chastising to me. There is a sense here that you might be feeling afraid because of things in your past. There has been past trauma or your self-esteem has been systematically broken down. You have reason to feel afraid, The Moon acknowledges, but that doesn’t change the fact that your fear is illusory.

There’s also a sense to this card that things are not always as they seem. Either you are tricking yourself due to your anxieties, or someone else is tricking you and you need to see through their lies. Maybe there’s just a miscommunication and a misconception, or maybe there is active deceit afoot.

The Moon tells you to have faith in yourself and step out into the moonlight regardless of your fears. It tells you to see through the illusions holding you back and stop being so darn anxious. While your fears are not entirely unfounded, you are the only person who has the strength to push past them.

With all that said, there are two characters that fit this card well for me but in very, very different ways. Put simply, I had one character in mind who represented the fear — and one who represented the fearful.

And then I remembered: The Moon has two dogs on it, a domesticated one and a wolf.

So I think… yes, this dog certainly has room for my puppy and the wolf.

First, let’s talk about the dog. The first character I want on this card is Jenna. Jenna is a small quivering dog of a vampire, let’s be real. She does overcome this, to some degree, but I think her overall vibe really, really suits this card.

Jenna isn’t a weak person and she never has been. She’s bright, she’s curious, she’s capable, and she likes to try new things. But… her self-esteem is terrible and she lets people walk all over her. She’s so, so timid. The world scares her mainly because she believes that she’s too weak to live in it, whether that’s true or not.

Jenna does seem to have been systematically browbeaten by her peers (something that sets Nadja off and makes her want to liberate her) so you can kind of see where her timidity comes from. People have told her she’s not good enough, and people have treated her like she’s not good enough, so you can see where the fear that she’s not good enough has come from.

She allows people to treat her the way she believes she deserves to be treated, and she thinks she deserves to be treated that way because of how they treat her. It’s a vicious cycle.

But, like The Moon tells us, it’s also an illusory one. Jenna is not weak, and she grows into herself and her powers very admirably. We’re really only seeing the first few baby steps of her journey (mainly because Beanie Feldstein started getting other work) but it’s really lovely to see her grow past her fears and shatter the illusions that’s been laboring under for years.

That’s symbolized even more heavily by her unique power, which is invisibility. She is able to take advantage of the exact illusion that’s been used against her for all these years, and now she’s able to use it against others.

When it comes to the base idea of a person cowed by illusions and needing to take control of their own destiny, Jenna is a very, very straightforward representation of The Moon.

So when it comes to the dog — or rather, maybe still just a puppy — I want to have Jenna.

But… on the other hand, there is also the wolf... and I mean that both literally and metaphorically. The other character I want to have on this card is Gail.

As far as wolves and illusion go, it’s not very hard to see where those things come in when we’re talking about a literal werewolf. She was hiding that she literally turns into a wolf here. Like… it’s not a stretch.

But I want to go a lot deeper than that and talk about how Gail functions in the narrative and how she has nurtured both fear and illusion in Nandor.

Now — let’s get one thing straight. Nandor is an idiot who creates his own problems. Gail has never promised him forever, and a lot of his angst involving her really revolves around the Gail that he has invented in his mind, not the one who has always been pretty honest about her intentions.

But at the same time, she does not treat this guy well. She knows he’s head over heels for her but still keeps coming back to string him along whenever she gets bored. She doesn’t respect him and doesn’t seem to like him that much and certainly doesn’t want to be loyal to him. And while she never exactly promised him loyalty, it still seems rough to be fucking another guy without even telling him. If you don’t want a monogamous relationship, that’s fine — but it seems like she didn’t even tell Nandor or Anton that she wasn’t being faithful to either of them. They deserve that information.

And she drives Nandor mad. He’s always had insecurities, but Gail always seems to ratchet that up to 100. Every time she leaves him, or insults him, or cheats on him, he starts to fall into a deep depression about whether he can ever be loved. She encourages his insecurities and feeds him lies to keep his illusions about her intact.

I don’t mean the werewolf thing, to be clear. It seems like she was actually fairly honest with him about that. But he definitely didn’t know she was also sleeping with a werewolf, whom she let turn her, and that illusion, that of affection and loyalty, was one that deeply hurt him. More importantly, she really does seem to encourage this illusion that there could be a real, lasting relationship between them.

A normal person who just wants something casual with someone will break up with them or at least be super, super clear with them once they start getting in too deep. The smart, kind thing to do would have been to make a clean break with Nandor the first time she dumped him. But this apparently happens all the damn time, her showing up, her getting his hopes up, and then her leaving again. While Nandor should have gotten the memo by now (no pun intended), she is far from blameless in this toxic relationship.

It kind of feels like she shows up every time she needs an ego boost, or maybe a temporary playmate, and she’s willing to manipulate Nandor in order to get that. Sometimes it seems like she enjoys feeding into his anxieties and having men who will tie themselves in knots over her while she dangles the illusion of affection over their heads. It's just unkind.

Gail is certainly feeding both his illusions and his insecurities, but like The Moon always tells us — Nandor is still the only one that can actually fix his own problem here. He needs to rise above his fears and see through the illusions she’s fed him so he can move on with someone who actually loves him.

(Speaking of Memos…)

So I think that Gail and Jenna really show both sides of this card, the fear and the creator of it, someone blinded by illusions and someone who makes a meal of them. And both of them show the importance of facing your fears and tearing down illusion.

I think having both the dog and the wolf on here in their most metaphorical senses is probably the way that I want to go forward with this one. I want both the fear and the fear itself, if you get me.

To show that, let’s go into the imagery.

Like I said, The Moon is a card that has both a dog and a wolf baying at the moon together, who looks down at them both. The dog and wolf represent the tamed and untamed parts of our mind, and the crawfish emerging from the water and starting on its path represents emerging from illusion and beginning your journey away from it. (It also sometimes represents the emerging enemy that you need to watch out for!)

I would have both Jenna and Gail on this card, a puppy and a wolf at their sides respectively, each with one hand resting on the canine assigned to them. The dogs are both looking up at the moon, but Gail and Jenna are both looking down their path, clear-eyed and knowing what they truly want.

(The crawfish can… stay, I guess. lmao)

wwdits tarot masterpost

[terrible-twst-oc-ideas]

To the mod: 2,3 and 12 for the TWST ask meme?

2. Who is your favorite staff member(s)?

Mozus Trein. He might be a little strict, but he is the only adult at NRC I would actually trust to supervise a group of teenagers for any longer than an hour. Also, he was an underrated highlight of Glorious Masquerade for me. He loves his wife and cares about his students so much y'all :'(

3. Who is your favorite non-NRC character(s)?

An apparently controversial choice, but... Fellow Honest. I read into Fellow Honest's character a lot while reading Stage in Playful Land, and interpreted Fellow as a character who was pushed around by the world so much he gave up on ambition and pursuing happiness in favor of having a comfortable yet ultimately harmful job he chained himself to with a toxic mindset cycle of self-aggrandizing, self-hatred, and resentment for everyone who seemed to be "luckier" than him. Fellow realizing it was never about the money and that he's literally been tricking himself and Gidel into chains this entire time is ultimately why I think he snaps back so quickly into destroying Playful Land -- he actually really hated his job, and had built up his own justifications to stay that were ultimately smashed to bits after one terrible day of work. And as a 20-something who's also currently working in a job they don't like and had found themself trapped in the exact same defeatist mindset, watching Fellow choose to say "screw it" and burn his awful workplace to the ground lit a fire in me to actually start doing whatever I could to obtain the job and life I wanted, because trying would always be better than sitting around in spite and hopelessness. So, yeah. He's very special to me. I could (and probably will) write a whole analysis of Stage in Playful Land someday, but my personal connection to his character arc is primarily why I like him. Which doesn't even touch on all the other reasons. Like how he perfectly embodies pure chaotic neutral energy. Or his bond with Gidel. Or his design--

12. Which dorm do you think you’d be sorted into?

At first, I didn't know how to answer this question, so I decided to take a few dorm sorting quizzes instead. I ended up with no conclusive answer, so I just listened to my gut and settled on Heartslabyl. I like having set rules and routines and am good at following instructions and procedures (laughs in autism). I was also pretty diligent, honest, and hard-working while in school too, so I think I'd fit the vibe.

[a-wild-things-rambles]

hey can i hear your thoughts on john? :)

agghhhhhhhhh. thank you!

where do i start. his story is one i know a hundred variations of, abusive fathers, absent or neglectful mothers, siblings who got out, runing away from home into the big city, finding a [fuked up]family in the punk and alternative communitys, and trying to live.

i should say that i am very biased and unrelabal about him. while i have read hellblazer im due a reread and its always overshadowed by teh real people i knows experiences? idk in my head hes just another person id meet at the pub when i visit my dads old city. a guy you her about through the grapevine doing stupid shit and getting into trouble.

another warning of how not to live a life in a long parade. the fuked up sudo- uncle who's to old to change his ways and stop his bad habits.

which is a long way to say i have a personal stake in his story. im not john but i am gemma, im the second generation, growing up to see all the cracks in the so called freedom the previous generation fled to.

guilt. so much of it. the dead and the living. those you left behind. drowning in guilt, the only solution drowning yourself in apathy. then drowning un guilt all over again in atonement. self harm and self sabotage are his bywords. hurt someone cause thats all you can do then hate yourself for it.

john absolutely plays the 'my life is shittyer' game. and he hates being proven wrong. he has to be one of the worst off. because if there are people who have it worse then hes just a crybaby isnt he? lifes tough, get over it. man up. dont cry, you have it good compared to some people.

he hates it. like a lot of city white punks, he has a complicated relationship when it comes to people who suffer more than him. he will fight for them but he wont be nice about it. he gets petty about it

hes got the basics down: but its the basics, the surface level shit. he probably has more racist and sexist preconceptions than he'd like to admit. hes flawed. whats theory or any of that? he learns politics through music, and its not exactly well balanced. hes a white queer punk in the 80s. hes still better than alot of them.

it sums up to: he aint unlearned the shit. he knows its bad, but he hasnt fully unlearned it. [again. white punk in england in the 80s.]

violence. this man is good at picking fights with a look. eventually people learn to steer clear, but theres always enough wankers who are up for a fight.

his father beat him, and so have many others, so if he wins a fight, it makes him feel 'more like a man' or as he'd say it, tough. remember what i said about knowing shits bad but not unlearning it. yea. if he loses: he gets the punishment he feels he deserves, and the fodder for his self hatred about being weak.

double standards a-plenty. a cycle of ego and beatings and guilt and self sabotage.

hes bitter and hes stubborn and hes nasty.

alcoholic to [not that he'd say], and a smoker. grew out of drugs but messed around with them plenty in the past. now he dont like feeling out of control in that way.

he'll still get wasted though [not an alcoholic mind. probrably only phycologicaly addicted]

old dog who cant learn knew tricks. brittle metal, its bent some, but it cant anymore or it will shatter.

hes better than his father. but hes not good

hes self-aware enough to not want kids, not delusional enough to think hes managed to unlearn the shit his father gave him. better that his bloodline dies with him. better that he doesn't get the chance to fuck up.

end it, or sabotage it before he can be shown to be who he is. fuck up everything good because you might as well have control over when it falls apart. cause it will anyway. you hurt whoever you touch.

your cursed john.

a cursed bloodline. whats another way of saying generational trauma?

he hates his stister for leaving, he hates himself for keeping her there, he hates himself for hating her for leaving.

cause everyone leaves him, dont they?

hates gemma for her curiosity. hates her for her interest in his fuked up life. hates her for not hating him[yet]. hates himself hor hating how much better her home is than his was.

hates is sisters husband. hates that his sister wont leave him[hates that hes glad. if she started kicking out of her life the people bad for her. well hed be fuked]

hate. guilt. hate. self sabotage.

hes a messed up guy :)