#and unconditional love along with its consequences

[undiscovered-horizon]

[Although you reciprocate Sanji's affection, you're not quite ready to let yourself be vulnerable with someone. Love, however, is patient - and Sanji is nothing if not loving.]

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Ningyo Archipelago earned its name from a rather tragic local legend: about a boy who fell in love with a mermaid, ningyo, but he was deathly afraid of the water. He stood on the shore, making a small step towards the sea each day. And the mermaid patiently waited for him, promising that he had nothing to be afraid of because she was looking out for him. Now, depending on who you ask, some of the villagers claim that the mermaid is still waiting for her lover while others are convinced they have already united. You're not quite sure which version you prefer.

At first, the myth seemed a bit cliche to you - undying, unconditional, selfless love. It belongs in a fairytale, along with leprechauns and a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. After all, no reasonable human is deluded enough to throw away their life for a love that may be. If Hell is paved with good intentions, then empty promises decorate its gates.

But your dismissal of the local legend quickly dissipates as guilt and longing tighten your chest:

Sanji.

You tried to keep him out at first, out of mercy for your own patchwork heart. Told yourself that each of his sweet words and skilfully crafted compliments were a consequence of his persona and not intimate feelings. But no matter how warily you guarded your heart, he still managed to find a way in. Some juvenile, innocent part of you wanted to welcome his affection with open arms, scream at the top of your lungs that you yearn for him in equal measure as he longs for you. However, the other aspect of you, the one that remembers the horrors you've seen and still feels the dread lingering under your skin after... well, everything - that part begs you to keep your feelings at bay or get a grip on yourself and quit this nonsense. What if you open up to Sanji and he finds you gruesome? Will he see your torn heart only to think its baggage too heavy? Or if... the history repeats itself.

No. Never. You can't let it happen again.

But then, you also can't live like this, hidden within yourself forever. You don't want to. Time goes on, yet you're stuck in place.

This fight with your own mind and soul has brought you to this quiet evening by the campfire. Archipelago's natives are most hospitable people, rejoicing at the handful of guests that have come to their shores. A night filled with delicacies, local moonshine, dances you knew no steps of. It all made for a heartfelt, happy celebration. Hours went by, soon energy dissipated and intoxication kicked in. One by one, both your friends and the natives fell asleep.

The last people standing are, as if fortune smiled down on the island, Sanji and you. He's sitting on the ground, back leaning against a log as he stares at the fire, thinking about something. Once in a while, he takes a sip of his drink. The light of untamted, yellow flames waltz across his face. Staring at him from afar, you wonder whether his hair would smell of campfire smoke if you snuggled to his side. Would the colour of his eyes turn closer to indigo in the darkness of the night?

You shake your head slightly. If you want to finally have this much-belated conversation with him, you need to think straight. You can fantasize about Sanji after he gives you a positive answer.

A playful smile enters Sanji's face when he notices you approaching. "Am I drunk or is that really an angel coming my way?" Despite the amount of alcohol he's consumed, he doesn't slur his words.

"More of a Devil's consort," you answer as you sit down next to him on the ground. Thankfully, your half-serious comment covers well your tension.

It's almost self-sabotage on your part that you sat a mere inch away from him. Something about his presence scrambles your thoughts, turning carefully prepared monologue into disjointed daydreams about the man next to you.

"You can lead me astray if you want," Sanji retorts in a low voice. If only he knew how much you'd love to.

Your breath hitches in your throat as your chest tightens further. Some primal fear residing in your bones tells you to run away, to discard the love you think you're feeling and stay in your safe, alienated shell. So what if he may be the best thing that has ever happened to you if this heartache he's bound to leave will surely be the final nail in your coffin.

"Right, about leading you..." you begin in a trembling voice.

The fear makes it hard to breathe, which doesn't escape Sanji's attention.

"What's going on, sweetheart?" he asks in a soft, concerned voice as his hand gently lays on top of yours.

You clench your other hand into a fist. The only way out of this situation is through and you're not sure if your both brave and strong enough to make the journey. Your fingernails will surely leave marks on the soft skin on the inside of you palm.

"I'm not oblivious to your advances, Sanji," you finally blurt out. The bluntness of your tone is a little too harsh than you wanted. "You're quite up-front about your feelings. And I..." you hang your voice. The words simply refuse to come out of your mouth as though a witch had put a curse on you.

"No, I get it," he nods along. Sanji's expression falls like he's about to crumble. He clenches his jaw before forcefully making himself continue in a sombre tone. "You don't like me in the same way. It's fine, really. I might die of a broken heart first but I'll be fine."

Dear Gods above and below, this is going way worse than your "What can go wrong?" scenario.

"It's not that, Sanji!" you exclaim suddenly. Equally quick you mumble an apology upon seeing Sanji's startled expression. Then, he furrows his eyebrows further, growing even more worried about you. The adoration and pain in his eyes break something in you. It's as if your consciousness has taken a step back and allowed a flood of words to spill out of your mouth. "I wish I could find the words to express how much you mean to me. That you're the only thing on my mind, day and night. But I've been through shit you don't even know about and I just... I think I need some time before we can act on our feelings."

We.

What a nice word. To be part of a union with another; to belong to someone. To never truly be alone.

The worry disappears from his beautiful, blue eyes. In turn, their expression becomes softer than you've ever seen. Sanji moves the hand that lay on top of yours to intertwine your fingers.

"I'll wait for you," he says casually, as though it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Although you did consider this as a possible outcome, you never actually believed he'd say that. You weren't prepared for someone to be selfless towards you. It's never happened before.

"You don't have to," you try to dismiss him. Everything will be easier, but not better, if he changes his mind. "The world is filled with amazing people, I'm sure there's someone else who will love you better."

"I've already found the one I had been looking for, sweetheart," he answers slowly. Sanji brings your hand up to his lips and places a fleeting, chaste kiss on your skin. The softness of it all makes you want to cry and claw your own heart out. Why does it feel so good and so frightening at the same time?

"I don't know how long it will take me to get comfortable and open up." Your throat is too tight to speak comfortably. Tears pool in your eyes. "To be vulnerable with you."

"I will wait for you for an eternity if I have to. Whatever you need, just ask, little love."

Why does he have to love you beyond reason? Why is it so easy for him to break down your walls?

"I'm not sure I'm worth all this trouble," you whisper your confession into the silence of the night.

"Don't ever think you're a burden," he reprimands you. "You deserve only the best and I will be the happiest man alive if you let me be the one to provide. I love you more than you can imagine. I want to spend the rest of my life proving it to you."

Having no strength to hold back, you burst into tears. Is it the relief that he's willing to put up with your fears? Or maybe the happiness that he still chooses to love you? It's hard to say. Your vision is blurry as tears roll down your cheeks. No matter how much you try to control yourself, you can't.

Sanji gently wipes away your tears. His gesture is almost fearful as though the worst thing he could do is force his affection too fast for your comfort. What if he hurts you? In Sanji's mind, there's no greater sin he could commit.

"Can I hold you?" he whispers his question.

"Yes, please," you manage to babble between sniffles.

He puts his hand under your knees and effortlessly places you across his lap. Sanji's arms wrap tightly around your quivering body. His hold feels like a sanctuary.

"Thank you for telling me," he says quietly against your hair. "It was very brave of you."

You don't answer, only further nuzzling into his shoulder. Huh... He does smell of campfire smoke.

[cheeekycharchar]

"Shame and guilt have followed humanity since Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden."

Good Omens; a story of an Angel that can't accept love because of shame and a Demon that can't accept forgiveness because of guilt.

"It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh? If I did the good thing and you did the bad one."

An in-depth analysis of an Angel suffering from shame and a Demon wracked with guilt.

Let's dive deeper below the cut!

[Now I'm going to lay down a lot of facts, definitions and minimal psychological babble and I want you, as the reader, to view this through your GO nerd glasses. Also, I want to express that I am not a therapist or religious in any way- this was all done as academic research for the fandom's sake cause I can't shut my brain up. I tried to organize it the best I could. ..sorry it's so long but I swear it's worth the read through! ;)]

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• Shame is the painful emotion you have when you perceive that you are not good enough in some way. Entirely self imposed and only known to you, shame can be an unpleasant self-conscious feeling often associated with negative self-evaluation. When shame is chronic, it makes you believe that you are fundamentally flawed, defective, dishonorable, immoral, or improper.

• Guilt is a negative feeling of worry or unhappiness that you get because you have done something wrong. It's a moral emotion that occurs when a person believes or realizes- accurately or not- that they have compromised their own standards of conduct or have violated universal moral standards and bear significant responsibility for it. When guilt is chronic, it can be a toxic emotion that could cause a person to take on unjust responsibility if things around them go wrong. They are quick to accept that everything is their fault even though it isn't.

While guilt is about wrong actions, shame is about being wrong as a person.

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In academic psychology, shame is associated with avoiding failure and its consequences while guilt is connected with forgiving and improving one's self, along with making amends.

Guilt and Shame are often confused for each other but there’s a big difference between the two. Guilt can help you understand how your actions impact others, but shame is an inward-facing emotion that reflects how you feel about yourself. (And I do realize that Aziraphale may, at times, feel guilt and Crowley can also feel a sense of shame. But the main motivation behind majority of their characterizations and actions throughout the series are both coming from these two different feelings.)

Guilt can help you move forward while shame keeps you stuck in the past. [such as the "We could have been.. us." and "You go too fast for me." scenes] And the only way to rid themselves of these negative emotions is through recovery with unconditional love and forgiveness.

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• How Aziraphale represents the concept of shame •

Shame tricks you into believing that you aren't good. That you are worthless. Not that you've done something bad, but that you are bad. Ever since Aziraphale gave away his flaming sword, he started to question himself. But it wasn't until he outright lies to his fellow Angel's about the true fate of Job's children that he truly believes he has fallen- that he violated God's word and lied (again). He believes there must be something truly wrong with who he is as an Angel. He's a flawed creation of God and he feels a dreaded sense of deep shame from this.

Feelings of shame can also present itself in different types such as, Chronic Shame (negative emotions all the time that you aren't good enough), Performance Shame (feeling as though you are inferior compared to others) and Shame from Unrequited Love (this is a feeling of not being good enough for another person T^T).

Shame is a harmful, negative emotion that when internalized enough can result in an overly harsh evaluation of oneself.

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Next, let's take a closer look at what defines shame and how it operates through Aziraphale:

• Being Defensive is a way to avoid taking responsibility for our behavior.

"I don't need you." "And the feeling is mutual!"

• Perfectionism is the unrealistic desire to be perfect and is often a defense against shame. If we’re perfect, no one can criticize us; no one can shame us. We keep up a front that looks good to the world. We may spend a lot of time attending to our dress and looks.

"I do have standards."

• Apologizing constantly. Shame can prompt us to be overly apologetic and compliant.

"I did the 'I was wrong' dance in…"

• Procrastination can occur from a deep hidden shame. If we consider pursuing something and it doesn’t turn out well, we might be paralyzed by that feeling. If we never try, then we don’t have to face possible failure and subsequent shame.

"You go too fast for me, Crowley.."

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Next are the four category behaviors resulting from shame:

• The Hot Response These are things you do when you feel ashamed and defensive, such as lashing out in anger or attacking the other person to deflect attention from yourself.

"I don't even like you!" [always resorts to being defensive in any argument]

• Behaviors to Cope With or Conceal the Shame These behaviors include doing things to make yourself feel small, trying to avoid being the center of attention, or not sharing your thoughts or feelings. Concealing yourself is a method of self-protection.

[always awkward and can't speak openly around other Angels]

• Safety Behaviors to Avoid Shame or Being Discovered This category of shame behaviors might be things like apologizing, crying, or avoiding conflict. People who have a tendency toward being emotional or avoiding conflict may be more likely to engage in safety behaviors.

"Why? What's wrong? I mean.. if there is something wrong.."

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The Impact of Feeling Shame:

• Makes you feel like you are flawed or there is something wrong with you

"I'm like you now. A demon. I'm a fallen angel.." • Can lead to social withdrawal

[spends most of his time in the bookshop alone] • May cause you to become defensive and shame others in return "I'm an angel! And you're a demon!" • May cause you to inflate your ego to hide the belief that you don’t have value

"Well, I am a great deal holier than thou. That's the whole point." • May leave you feeling empty, lonely, or worn out

"But I thought you said it wasn't [lonely]?" • May lead to lowered self-esteem

"I'm.. soft." • May make it harder for you to trust other people

"Obviously, you're lying. You're a demon. That's what you do." • May lead to perfectionism or overachievement to try and counteract your feelings of shame

"If I can just reach the right people and resolve all of this-" "That's not going to happen! How could somebody as clever as you be so stupid!?" • May cause you to engage in people pleasing

"Doing good again, Angel? "Oh, hardly counts. Purely for selfish reasons." • May cause you to avoid talking because you are afraid to say the wrong thing

[trying to explain to Metatron in S1 without revealing too much] • May cause compulsive or excessive behaviors like overworking, excessive cleaning, or having too high of standards in general

[non stop research all day and night to look for the antichrist by himself]

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• How Crowley represents the concept of guilt •

Guilt is what you feel after committing a specified or perceived offence/crime/bad action.  It's typically attached to a feeling you experience when you do something wrong on purpose or accidentally and can regret that action. Guilt can be morally ambiguous.

"Well, maybe there is something to be said for.. shades of grey?" "..Shades of dark grey."

Signs of guilt are unique but these are the most common (again there are many but these I thought related to Crowley the best):

• Low self-esteem

*sighs* "Don't bother..."

• Excessive attempts at reparation [Crowley always trying to secretly help humanity when he can]

• Being unable to meet someone’s gaze

[Covering his eyes not only hides his snake eyes but also his guilty feelings]

• Anxiety "We are fucked!" [and we all know TV!Crowley is 100% more anxiety ridden than Book!Crowley is lol]

• Trouble sleeping [Sleeps too long (100 year nap from book). Or can't get comfortable sleeping (from S1 deleted scene)]

• Depressed mood

"What's even the point.. everything seems.. pointless.."

• Avoidance of people, places, or events linked to the cause of guilt "I'm not going to be joining their team and neither should you!" [doesn't want to return to Heaven or Hell and is "on his own side" to avoid them further] • Shifts in energy levels [can be giddy/jumpy one second to morose/moody the next, etc]

• Emotional outbursts

"I'm just so angry!"

• Appetite changes

[took up drinking alcohol even though its unnatural to]

• Making amends [spends every moment since Eden trying to secretly do good despite the hellish consequences]

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Defense mechanisms against feeling guilty can become an overriding aspect of one's personality. (These are also related to trauma response.)

• Displacement is a defensive tool that may take the form of blaming the victim or taking your feelings out on others.

"You know what you've done. You've disappointed me."

• Projection is sharing the unacceptable feelings/qualities onto others, thereby being less alone with it.

"But that sounds.." "Lonely?"

• Self-harm may be used as an alternative to compensating from one's past transgression. Not just physical self-harm but not allowing yourself to enjoy opportunities or benefits as a result of uncompensated guilty feelings.

[always holding himself back for 6k years from saying what he truly feels and won't allow himself to be with Aziraphale the way he really wants]

• Repression is subconsciously blocking or forgetting harmful/traumatic memories. "Right.. looking at where the furniture isn't.." [doesn't remember his time in Heaven in detail- whether from trauma response or just had his memory wiped]

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Behavioral responses to guilt can be associated with the moral of their character. Feelings of guilt can prompt virtuous behavior.

"You shouldn't test them to destruction.."

People who feel guilty may be more likely to: • Exercise restraint [holds his true feelings back for Aziraphale for centuries]

• Avoid self-indulgence [only really has his car and plants in the end]

• Exhibit less prejudice [is more open and accepting of other's sins - such as helping during the Scottish bodysnatching scenes]

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Guilt can prompt reparatory behaviors (actions to make amends) to help alleviate these negative emotions. People tend to engage in these reparatory behaviors toward the persons they wronged. Some religions theorize that forgiveness of sin (even those committed by accident or ignorance) is exclusively through repentance.

Crowley, being the wily serpent that tempted Eve to eat the forbidden apple of knowledge and subsequently getting her and Adam kicked out of paradise on Earth- and thusly creating the first sin of humanity. Right away, Crowley feels guilt from this.

After all, he was just told to stir up some trouble and had no idea the consequences of his first temptation on the future generations of human existence. Ignorantly doing something considered wrong and getting exiled.. this mistake would forever haunt him. He knows the pain and trauma from unwittingly doing something insignificant and being punished severely for it (such as asking questions or eating an apple) yet he accidentally made the first of God's new creatures "fall" in their own way from Eden. It's because of this guilt that Crowley spends the next 6000 years secretly rebelling against Hell to help humanity in any way he can to redeem himself.

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That's why their first conversation (post Fall from Heaven) on the wall of Eden was SO important to their relationship with each other and themselves.

"Oh, I do hope I didn't do the wrong thing." "It'd be funny if we both got it wrong. If I did the good thing and you did the bad one." "No. No! It wouldn't be funny at all!"

I think the reason Crowley always seems to be one step ahead of Aziraphale (in more ways than one) is because, in a sense, guilt is easier to resolve from than shame.

If you acknowledge your mistake and the person chooses to take the steps to improve and change for the better, then they can recover from those negative feelings. They can work through the guilt by repairing the transgression or learning from it.

Whereas shame can only intensify inwardly and be harder to face because your mind is telling you that you are the bad thing, that you are the mistake. This makes it harder to overcome. And the only way to truly recover from shame is unconditional love and forgiveness- for yourself.

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“Instead of your shame, you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion, they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land, they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs.” (Isaiah 61:7)

And in S2.. we can see they both hold regret for their actions at the end of episode 6. If you look at every choice, ever misstep, every argument and their occasional confusion in understanding one another, you can see how Aziraphale was written with shame as a main part of his personality and Crowley written with guilt.

Two feelings that are often confused for one another but differ slightly in their own ways. The motivation behind every word they utter and every action they make throughout the series is built on the foundation of these two fundamentally negative and often traumatizing feelings.

There is a possibility to recover from shame and guilt and I have a feeling that S3's plot line will be all about recovery.

And that's what the concept of that Second Coming storyline might be all about. The New Testament says, "In Jesus Christ, God took upon Himself the sins of the world and died on the cross to pay mankind's debt" (Rom 6:23). "Those who repent and accept Christ's sacrifice for their sins, will be redeemed by God and thus not guilty before Him. They will be granted eternal life which will take effect after the Second Coming of Christ" (1 Thess 4:13–18).

A second chance. Forgiveness and Recovery from Sin.

And what is the story of Adam and Eve if not about humanity's Original Sin?

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Remember, after all is said and done, the antidote for shame is love, and guilt is cured through forgiveness.

Two things a certain Angel and Demon struggle with accepting from each other but are more than willing to give to one another.

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[…There! I made myself sad again, lol. Thank you for reading this far! Sorry it was crazy long but I really enjoyed putting this all together into semi-comprehensible words (though stupid tumblr made me delete a bunch of pictures I had as examples…). Also, on a final side note- if you are ever experiencing overwhelming shame or guilt in anyway (which can result in depression or worse if not dealt with) please make sure you reach out to someone or seek professional help in some way. Take care, everyone! ^-^]

[vindieselsfacebook-blog]

I've been very into Alvvays lately and wanted to share this gem aka THEE Lorelai Gilmore teen anthem!

Can't explain my ankle sprain I didn't really feel it New dress could turn your head But how long til we reel it in? Paradise and I find myself paralyzed Knowing all too well

The song describes a young woman making impulsive decisions with a man they've gotten carried away with. It paints a picture of a very Lorelai and Christopher kind of relationship where the girl enjoys the freedom, impulse, attention and sense of a private, escapist world with this person before reality comes crashing down around them. It's a relationship with a set timer, ticking along until its inevitable conclusion.

I love the line about not even feeling your ankle sprain - running around having fun, being silly, and causing little consequences for yourself, but they're ignorable or very low-stakes. At least at first. It feels so apt for teen Lorelai, who was rebelling from her controlling upbringing and beginning to mess around with alcohol and sex. Youthful cries for attention and unconditional love.

Blue Rev behind the rink, I didn't really need it Circumspect when you call collect To see if I would keep it Paradise and I find myself paralyzed Knowing all too well, terrified But I'll find my way

"Blue Rev" is a low brow vodka-based cola drink - think Zima. Reckless teens underage drinking behind a skating rink, confronting the reality of a pregnancy and the girl's decision to take control of the situation. The boy's reaction described as "circumspect" or wary, unwilling to take the risk while the girl takes it as an opportunity to find her own way, even though she's scared - sooo Christopher and Lorelai. He enjoys fucking around but ultimately prefers the gilded cage to the unknown on the other side.

Moving to the country Gonna have that baby Wait tables in town I know word gets around Moving to the country Gonna have this baby See how it goes See how it grows And I find myself paralyzed Knowing all too well, terrified But I'll find my way

One of my favorite themes in Gilmore Girls is how Lorelai took this classic ball-and-chain, life-ending symbol of an accidental teen pregnancy and saw it as a chance to strike out on her own, burn her life to the ground, and completely rebuild from scratch. Fans sometimes wonder why no one on this show ever seemed to seriously consider abortion (stubbornly ignoring that this was early 2000s WB and simply not an option unless it was for a total villain), especially for Lorelai who seemed so liberal, but she loved having this excuse to finally cut her own cord. It was an opportunity for her rather than a metaphorical death sentence.

"Moving to the country" with a blue-collar service job where you work with your hands... word getting around a gossipy small town... come on! Too good.

I'll egress to Inverness with nothing in my pocket Belinda says that heaven is a place on earth Well so is hell And we'll all get help, paradise And we'll start another life

The cherry on top is of course the titular reference to Belinda Carlisle - lead singer of the Go-Go's, one of Lorelai's idols, and the person who signed that vinyl Rory got for her graduation gift and left on the bus in S2. She of course has a famous a solo song called "Heaven Is A Place On Earth".

Also a cute reference to Jess's personal Stars Hollow anthem "This Is Hell" by Elvis Costello. You know how much I love a Lorelai/Jess parallel. ;) What was escapist heaven to her was banished hell to him.

It doesn't hurt that Alvvay's dreamy, sentimental indie-pop sound feels right at home on any GG-inspired playlist. I like to think they'd make the cut on a Lane Kim mix CD.

[misccy27]

Why Any Sport in a Storm is so satisfying to me

Hunter's storyline in this episode builds off of his previous episodes in a way that just works so well in the context of his narrative. Hear me out:

Hunting Palismen establishes that Belos is abusive and controlling towards Hunter. Hunter loves Belos and acts to help him. Hunter has good intentions and can be persuaded to do the right thing, but there are consequences for it.

Eclipse Lake deals with these consequences. Hunter thinks he's being pulled off of the mission as a punishment for “failing” his last one. This feeds his desperation to gain Belos’ approval by proving that he is still useful. Hunter is so desperate for love and approval here that he makes the wrong choice in the end, rejecting Amity’s help and attacking her. 

But that isn't where the episode ends for him. It ends on Hunter bonding with Flapjack. Flapjack defended Hunter and stuck by him even during the fight, leading to Hunter accepting that Flapjack isn't going to abandon him now, no matter what.

Hunter's story ends on a positive note despite Hunter doing the wrong thing. This is still satisfying because we understand the source of Hunter’s problems: what he needed more than anything else at this point in his life was just to be loved. Flapjack came along and loved him. 

However. Hunter did still do the wrong thing. Flapjack's actions establish that he is willing to enable Hunter to make the wrong decision if that is what Hunter chooses to do.

This is where ASIAS picks up.

The episode starts with Belos ordering Hunter to run the coven head meeting as a “test”. Hunter fails to do this from the get-go. Darius is then introduced as a stand-in authority figure for the episode.

The stakes are lowered immediately. Darius is established as a foil for Belos from the beginning: where Belos threatens physical violence at Hunter speaking out of turn, Darius is “just” mean and condescending. Where Belos only cares about how Hunter can be useful to him, Darius doesn’t care about Hunter at all. Where Belos demands total subservience, Darius derides Hunter for blindly following orders. 

It’s still a bad situation, of course. But it’s also such a promising setup. Since Darius doesn’t care about Hunter completing his mission, there is space here for Hunter to make his own decisions without severe consequences. The only thing at stake now is Darius' approval.

And again, Eclipse Lake shows us the terrifying lengths that Hunter is willing to go to for an authority figure’s approval:

That is the main issue that's addressed in ASIAS. And that's what makes this setup so good: in Eclipse Lake, Hunter is driven by a need for both Belos' love and his approval. With Belos, these concepts are too deeply intertwined to ever really be explored. But Eclipse Lake managed to address the love aspect with Flapjack. ASIAS tackles the approval aspect as its own standalone problem by introducing an adult that Hunter has no established relationship with yet.

Now, the solution here has to be handled differently than it was in Eclipse Lake. Hunter needed Flapjack's unconditional love; Hunter does not need unconditional approval. Particularly with Belos as his parent, it is vital that Hunter learns to stop relying on the approval of authority figures to drive his actions. If he doesn't, he's going to keep sabotaging potential friendships like what happened with Amity and Luz.

And that is why it is so important that things play out the way that they do in ASIAS. When Hunter "successfully" completes his mission, he naturally seeks the approval of his designated authority figure:

And Darius doesn’t tell Hunter that he’s wrong.

Darius doesn't give Hunter anything to work with at all here.

This is necessary. Eclipse Lake starts with Hunter disobeying Belos' order to stay in the castle in order to instead try acquiring something that Belos wants. As Hunter explains in ASIAS, "even chances have to be earned." So it is necessary for this to work that Hunter has no idea what, if anything, Darius actually wants from him. He can't even hazard a guess. Hunter's decision to do the right thing has to be fully disconnected from his initial motivation of trying to earn his authority figure's approval.

That's why it falls on Steve. Steve is the one to hit on the one thing that ends up getting through to Hunter. This works because Steve is not an authority figure. He's framed more as Hunter's equal:

This is good. Hunter can now do the right thing without an authority figure influencing his decision making at all. Hunter's motivation and priorities have changed, so he goes to rescue his friends and sabotage his own mission.

This is the point in the episode where it becomes so incredibly important again that Darius is Belos’ foil. Because Darius was mean to Hunter. But there are enough differences in the way that Belos and Darius treat Hunter, and in the way that Hunter views each of them in turn, that Hunter is able to behave in a way with Darius that he simply wouldn't be able to with Belos:

Darius appears here as an enraged authority figure giving Hunter a direct order. We can see the contrast in how Hunter handles confrontations with Belos later. This scene is the only time that we get to see Hunter confront an authority figure in this way: consciously and freely choosing to act in accordance with what he believes is the right thing to do. It is so satisfying.

This is also where it gets fun. Because in order for Darius to fulfill his role in the narrative here, the only thing he really has to do now is to just be a relatively safe authority figure for Hunter to stand up to. All he has to do is to not punish Hunter for standing up to him. That is what is consistent with the foil set up between Darius and Belos at the beginning: Darius is a relatively neutral authority figure.

But the episode goes and pushes it so much farther than that.

Darius praises Hunter for doing the right thing. Darius becomes the first adult that we see actually reinforce Hunter’s decision to do the right thing.

And then it goes and escalates even beyond that. Like. The narrative is over. Nothing that happens after this is at all necessary. The episode is already ending on at least as much of an optimistic note as HP and EL.

But instead of just ending, this all happens:

Darius changes opinion of Hunter and admits that he was wrong, suggesting that his treatment toward Hunter will improve from here. It also foils Hunter viewing Belos as infallible.

Darius undermines Belos' abusive efforts to control and isolate Hunter by giving Hunter a scroll and encouraging him to make connections outside of the castle.

Flapjack and this mission will be kept secret, establishing Darius as Hunter’s ally. He's willing to prioritize Hunter's well-being over both Belos' rules and his own personal motives.

Darius confirms that he does approve of Hunter now. It is important that this is addressed last; this happens despite the narrative.  

So like. Darius got a little growth arc here. He is no longer just a neutral foil to Belos. Every single one the things that Darius does at the end here is now in direct opposition to how Belos views and treats Hunter. Darius has become a definitive positive authority figure in Hunter's life who can and will challenge Belos' negative influence.

The scene ends with a Darius telling Hunter that he could still use a sewing lesson, opening up an opportunity for their relationship to grow.

It is so satisfying to watch.

And that's when I get back to the broader narrative, like. Up until now, Hunter has always been in a lose-lose situation. His situation has been improving thanks to Flapjack, but it's still impossible: even when Hunter knows what the right thing to do is, he can't really afford to do it. Belos will punish him for it. And because of his isolation and abuse, Hunter often doesn't know what the right thing is. His perspective is too skewed.

But now Hunter is not only loved; he also has an authority figure who will encourage him and guide him and reinforce his decision to do the right thing. Hunter is finally put in a position where he can start to become the good person that he wants to be.

And Hunter also now has a viable way out of his abusive situation. Hunter still doesn't realize that he needs help yet, but the support is there for him when he's ready. There is now an adult in his corner who is finally paying attention to his situation and is willing to intervene to help him. Between Flapjack and Darius, we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel for Hunter.

It makes ASIAS the first (and only) unambiguously happy ending that Hunter gets. It is such a good episode.

[lavendernlilac]

Maybe it's projection but I live to think of them having such unfaltering trust with each other that they try new things all the time. See something that makes the other fall to pieces and get curious to experience it as well. There's boundaries are careful observation so when something doesn't work there's no drama. Mostly just giggling. They try and new kink and no that's weird and doesn't work and now it's just devolved into joking about it. Grian never thought he'd be into puppy play or the like and sure enough he isn't when they give it a go one time just to try. But now Scar is just laughing about how he's always been more of a cat person so really they should have known. Grian is lightly smacking his arm and rolling his eyes because no they're you can't call him a kitty instead. Just, the complete safety and comfort to try things because there's so much love and trust and things never become mistakes so much as silly little moments they can joke about. I think I got lost along the way here, but just unflinching trust to know you're safe to explore every part of yourself without any negative consequences.

it’s the unflinching trust of it that makes me so 🥺 I’ve always written any kind of nsfw stuff centered on trust and love, first and foremost. and that goes even doubly here. there’s just this unwavering trust between them, that gives them so much safety with each other

its the softness of knowing that they can explore themselves and they don’t have to do it alone, and there won’t be any kind of fallout or negative return. the instinctual belief that love is unconditional and there will never be any judgement or harsh comments. and its just so,,,

I hold them so close and so lovingly in my hands

[blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda]

bare with me bc im fatigued but unable to sleep so i’m just here thinking and need to get my thoughts out, but i think much of louis’ passivity stems from his relationship with his mother and family. we don’t really see him become passive until claudia arrives. please correct me if i’m wrong but i believe that side of him is awakened once that traditional family structure is solidified in his home and i think the du lac family has a lot to do with why he’s like that and not just that he’s incapable of acting or choosing.

i see him and i see the child/mother that doesn’t want to repeat his mother’s failings on his own family but takes it so far to the extreme that it means he refuses to confront anything ever bc he feels he’s communicating the unconditional love he never received. he really is someone who wants the ones in his life to know they can be loved through anything. whether or not people receive it in the way he gives it i don’t think should be put on his shoulders as much it is.

he doesn’t have healthy understanding of discipline/consequences bc he was punished for things he couldn’t help like his queer identity. it doesn’t really seem like growing up he got into much trouble, again correct me if im wrong. other than paul his pimping isn’t really admonished by the du lacs bc it affords them their lifestyle. they are willing to distance themselves from it bc they get the house and the staff and the honeymoon trips etc. but they won’t overlook who he is. and it outweighs anything else. and that’s a weird thing to process being punished for bc the only thing you can do is deny yourself. but they know. so you hiding it and they know and they show you they disapprove even if you’re trying to play by their rules. it creates a complex.

then there’s paul. he’s the only one who really took it on to take care of paul and establish a relationship with him. i think florence probably didn’t push back against his institutionalization and grace seems to agree he belonged there. louis was the only one who saw how it negatively impacted paul. he loved paul that was his favorite person and then he killed himself and florence blames him for simply being there. this is where he starts to go from the favored son to the scapegoat which is a fucked transition to experience and i think its super underestimated how badly louis is impacted by it. it also happens when he starts to openly entertain lestat so it’ll never matter that his last moments with paul were expressions of love bc his all florence sees is that he’s been acting in sin and so of course he must of done and said something to kill her baby who he was raising and caring for in her place btw. when paul was upset he went to louis not florence. the last thing he ever said to paul was he loved him and he still died and florence blames him for it. he’s always punished for loving as far as he’s concerned.

then he does make “a choice” to become an immortal monster/companion/wife, which given all the circumstances is very much not much of a choice on his part, but he decides to go with what he wants and that choice is at the center of the unraveling of almost all the things he cares about and links to his human identity. and he clings to his human identity so i believe that fucks with his ability to trust his own decision making for sure. it’s the loss of his role in his family slowly but surely and everything he did he did for them. he always struggles with his decisions about how he supports his family and how he copes w the impact it has on his community. so if in choosing his own desire to love and be loved for once strips him of his family and his community what does that say about the decisions he made along the way? what was it all for? and then on top of that he didn’t even know what he was choosing in choosing immortality with lestat. he’s rocked by being faced with the reality of his choice so much so that he forgot his brother died for a moment. he’s probably developed an inability to take a step in any direction bc every step leads to a new rock bottom and he doesn’t trust himself anymore. that’s a very real thing that happens.

so how does that manifest when he has his own lil nuclear family?? well

with claudia he doesn’t ever want her to feel like she could ever lose his love for her for any reasons. like his family showed him. so bc his own punishments were correlated with who he was and not things he did really i don’t think he’s able to see disciplining claudia as guiding her towards better actions i think he sees it as punishing her for being as she is which he blames himself for and also for loving (where charlie is concerned but i’ll get to that…). it was his choice to bring her into this life so how can he trust himself beyond loving her unconditionally. that’s what he wants so that’s what he gives. claudia does what she does bc she’s a vampire and she didn’t choose that. he did. so he retreats when the consequences of that crop up and becomes passive. he doesn’t want to take a step in any direction on top of the patriarchal structure that the father is the law of the house, but then charlie happens.

claudia didnt kill charlie out of maliciousness. it was young love with all the demanding of the insatiable hunger of a vampire. even lestat recognizes that she got carried away so to louis punishing her or even makeing her feel bad for the action was too deeply entwined with punishing her for loving at all and that is a sensitive thing for him. he doesn’t handle it better than lestat that’s not what i’m saying what i’m saying is he doesn’t have the tools to guide her through this. what he has is the desperation to not repeat what harmed him growing up. it’s after this that he decides lestat cannot be the law of the household where claudia is concerned until he realizes his approach seriously blinded him to the fact that claudia ,yes is a doomed child vampire, but she’s a doomed child vampire making decisions and her actions have serious consequences for all of them and he doesn’t have the tools to guide. he can love her through anything, but how can he of all people really guide her. this isn’t as simple as no running in the house and listen to your elders. the mother is learning her daughter is her own person (and vampire) not an extension of her and with character traits like her father too. (plus the mother has to realize that she can’t heal herself through her daughter) whew. so louis decides to step back and to let lestat be the law again and then claudia LEAVES and on her way out she challenges his decision to turn her at all (with good reason. these two vampires should not be raising a baby!!) louis is literally so distraught he wants her to come home but he can’t bring himself to go after her and bring her home. he doesn’t want to take a step!! he doesn’t want to decide. it never leads to what he thinks it will. i don’t think he believes he can trust himself to make good choices. so he loves her unconditionally on broadcast for every vampire within radio earshot to hear because that’s what he can do. thennnn she’s harmed while she’s gone and i’m sure he’s feels in a way responsible. he wanted to be her protector so badly (when actually she’s his but i’ll get to that in a bit) and wasn’t able to. and of course there’s that scene™️ in ep5 with being put in a position where he was pressured to choose between lestat and claudia and because it LOOKED like he MIGHT choose claudia and because he didn’t IMMEDIATELY choose lestat disaster ensued. that’s a lot. fuck.

and when the nature of his relationship with claudia shifts more to siblings because she’s getting older, wants more agency and claudia realizes she is also a replacement for grace, this is where the passiveness that is the result of his relationship with grace developed. bc while its true claudia takes over for grace, she is the sister to louis that grace never ever was. on top of the fact that her solution for their issues was “you’re dead to me,” grace never actually accepted and supported his queer identity truly like claudia and she definitely never protected him like claudia either (defending mama du lac in regards to paul comes to mind and also her husband being the replacement son). and louis needs and wants both those things as well as someone who won’t abandon him like grace did and he let’s claudia be them but takes it to the extreme where the last two are concerned. Louis doesn’t think he can save himself from his situation and claudia believes she can save herself and him. she isn’t gonna leave him behind. he leans into that heavily. it’s not just that he can’t and won’t make choices to get them out of their situation it’s also that he’s traumatized by his past choices and also he’s also loving lestat unconditionally as well on top of that (in the way he’s able to). i don’t think louis could see a way out like at all. he was shrouded in darkness. the best he could do was compartmentalize his love for lestat to protect himself when things were at their worst that was his flashlight in that darkness. but like when it was necessary for the success of the plan that he allow himself to love lestat fully he said if i feel it there’s no way out of this fr fr. he knew he wouldn’t make good choices. choosing lestat is the decision he will always make for better or worse. but that’s at the expense of claudia on top of choking her.

like idk we joke about his inability to make decisions but that trait in him is drenched with trauma. and his family is a huge part of why imo. i just get so upset when i think about them. i really rambled on and on here. not sure how much sense this makes but i guess this ties into my feelings about this as well. but yeah not choosing as a trauma response and not just as a way to get out of confronting his problems even tho that is a symptom. if that makes sense. idk. my brain is mash potatoes right now.

[papirouge]

Are hamas demonic for provoking and maintaining a conflict that could end tomorrow if they resigned from power releasing all hostages or how about neighbouring arab states are they also demonic for not accepting fleeing palestinians? responsibility for palestine's wellbeing is placed on hamas and hamas alone this is the result

Thank you for proving exactly what I said abt you being the Hamas biggest fans by how you basically need them to remove from yourself any responsibility. Hamas being demonic doesn't remove Israel own demonic evilness the slightest. At least, the Hamas doesn't claim being "god chosen people" while committing heinous crimes, which is an insult to the God that I personally serve.

And no, it's not Hamas responsibility that Israel is willingly starving and bombing civilians while we're talking. Israel could literally stop this massacre right now regardless of whatever Hamas does. It takes 2 to tango and you can't blame the Hamas "maintaining this war" when Israel actively participated in the escalation of this conflict for months, now.

To keep up my previous metaphor, SWAT teams don't bomb entire building where hostages are held along their kidnappers, and then shift the blame onto them saying "they only had to resign and release all hostages 🤪". There's no point to pull out this defense because EVERYONE IS DEAD and this wouldn't make them look any less guilty and vile.

Those Arabs states don't have to deal with Palestinians that Israel forcefully deported. Why would they? Because they're Arabs? are you a racial tribalist bio essentialist who thinks belonging to the same race and/or sharing the same faith means unconditional support and solidarity? Have you seen Europe History? all White and Christians murdering and deporting each others for CENTURIES.

You guys have to stop feeling entitled to have foreign countries deal with a problem that YOU caused. Palestinians have their land and YOU decided to displace them over a degenerate fanatical agenda - YOU have to find a way to deal with it within your own borders. Stop trying to make it everyone's problem. Last time I checked, Israel didn't ask for those Arab countries when they decided to deport Palestinians ; now Israel has to deal with the consequences of this decision the same way - alone.

Also it's funny how you have the same talking points as antisemites who also LOVE reminding everyone how nobody wanted Jews in their countries to prove that Jewish were undesirable anywhere in the world and that there had to be something wrong with them. Never beat the Nazi accusations.

And btw if Israel really wanted to bring back hostages maybe they didn't carpet bombed entire cities. Rumors are starting circulating that Israel is guilty of murdering their own hostages by its own blind brutality, and hides it from the population so that it doesn't turn against the government. Truth will always come out. And you won't be able to blame the Hamas this time.

[summerrainsworld]

June and Intimacy

During the days of the monthly ceremony, her eyes remained open, fixed to the ceiling. She was a good student. She had to be convincing. She had to know her audience was convinced. She kept her eyes open, constantly observing the people she was of. She had to look unbothered and subservient. She knew her audience better than she knew knew her role. She had to do what the Waterfords wanted. During the ceremony, she was silent, unbothered and subservient. The commander’s cum was nothing but an intrusive one - way transaction. Power and safety are not synonymous. At Jezebels, she was vocally responsive to the “pleasure” Fred gave her. Her face contorted with disgust only when Fred put his face to her neck. She placed a hand on the back of his head. One might see this as her wanting him body to stay aligned with hers but that was not true. June’s hand on the back of the commanders head was only there so she had the opportunity to feel, any movement of his would be felt by her hand and she would know to soften her face for him when his eyes met hers again.Her deliberate, unblinking soft gaze at the ceiling while she is being raped by Fred and held down by Serena, runs parallel with the Gilead expectations that hold dire consequences if they aren’t met. June knows the height of the bar. She knows the bar isn’t stagnant. Her eyes are open and they glow with the trauma réponse that is fawn which means to go along with it and to go along with it, you have to play your part. That means you need to show you are cooperating. Eyes are the window to the soul. The waterfords need to know she is cooperating and being the subservient and unbothered handmaid, the walking womb so to speak. They need to see this and if June’s eyes are closed, it leaves room for doubt and uncertainty that she is playing her part which then leads to them seeing her as a threat to Gilead values. Another reason why June’s eyes are open is so she can observe and assess the believability of her performance and make the necessary tweaks and fix mistakes before they have the chance to be seen and judged by her audience. If her eyes were closed, she would have no idea how to prevent the worst from happening. The clothing signifies that she is Offred. Offred is a sex slave. Offred is a walking womb. Offred is submissive. Offred is willing. Offered is obligated. Offred is not the June underneath the many layers of clothing.

If we compare this with the scene where June goes to Nick’s apartment for the first time, we see how different it is. June sheds all of her clothing herself and sheds Nick’s clothing herself. This is June saying: this is me. I want you to see me. I want you to know me. This is who I am. I have nothing to hide. I don’t want to hide from you. It is June’s way of making him realise that he is not just anyone. I think Nick’s wondrous gaze at her naked body while she is undressing, is when he realises this. It is a big thing for her to do and it’s special for him that he gets to be the one she chooses to do that with. It speaks volumes and it gives them this mutual unspoken understanding that they can be themselves around each other. Its even more special because they want to be themselves with each other. The safety of each others presence is established. Its sacred. It’s unbreakable. When they have sex for the first time, June assumes the position of dominance and rides him. She does not assume this position to dominate him, she lets him be a part of her dominance rather than be at the mercy of it. She does this by lifting him up into a sitting position so he can be a part of this with her. This shows that even when caught up in having sex and assuming a dominant position, she still wants him to enjoy it with her. She aligns her needs with his and she accommodates him, as he does for her and with her. Their love is unconditional and was built from trust that she initiated and needs that he validated. It is important to note that the last piece of clothing she takes off is her bra. The clothing that shields her heart, her true self, her love, her feelings id the last thing she takes off. This is not an act of submission but rather get saying, this is who I am and I want to be who I am around you. It allows June to feel. Her heart is not shielded anymore. She is completely vulnerable. She takes her bra off slowly and once it is off her chest, Nick takes it and sort of moves it out of the way. I feel like him doing that is him making her feel like she is safe. He will never hurt her. He wants her to be who she is. As soon as he moves her bra away , he brings her in for a kiss and their chests touch each other. Bit of their chests are exposed. I feel like this is significant because it cements their commitment to one another. Their hearts are beating against one another and they are both showing each other that their body and their mind and their spirit, is safe. They belong to themselves and they always will but they trust each other enough to give each other parts of themselves because they both know these parts of themselves will be nourished by the other and returned to one another in the same condition. They give each other the space to be who they need to be but also the space to realise who they are to one another. There is no role she has to step into. She is not putting on a performance. She is real and raw and vulnerable.

Another important thing about this scene is June’s eyes. Her eyes are closed often than they are open. Her eyes are closed because she is free. She is revealing her true identity to him without fear. It is just him and her. She knows him. He knows her. She is free to be who she is. She doesn’t need to rely on assessing his response or observing him. She doesn’t even do it automatically which shows how safe she feels with him. That kind of trust is deep and it’s here that he understands the depth of their bond. He’s not a threat to her and she knows this without having to be told. It shows how sure she is about loving him and wanting him. Nick is not just anyone. He is her refuge. She knows she is lucky to have a person that represents so much to her. She will never let him go because even though she is no longer in Gilead, she still feels like it’s a part of her because it was for so long. She doesn’t feel the need to protect him what she feels or hide the things she feels because she knows him. There are no secrets between them and any secrets that do arise, are easily forgivable because it’s not about what the other peorson does or what they are forced to do, it’s about who they are. She loves him for him. It doesn’t matter what he’s done because she’s done some shitty stuff too. They understand each others need to be that safe place. They don’t hide anything from one another. She is free to feel and free to love. It’s him that makes her feel this way. It’s him that makes her feel safe to be herself and reconnect with what she wants and who she wants to be with. Gilead can’t take that away from her. Gilead can’t take him away from her. Because she loves this man for who he is but also for who she can be when she is with him. She can be naked. She can be vulnerable. She can be anything she wants to be. And so can he. They bring out the best in each other. It’s easy for them to love one another because there is nothing that can break the bond they both hold close to their hearts. Closing her eyes is the ultimate act of showing him how deeply she trusts him. They would always be a part of one another, never a subject of the other.

When June mentions in the tape that Nick helped her to survive, she isn’t talking about him obviously helping her avoid imminent death but she is talking about her quality of life. In a place like Gilead, to have what they both could provide for one another is something that is unfair to dismiss and/or forget. They both know they will always need each other. They both owe so much to one another. They are a team. But they are also two separate people whose ties to one another don’t fray or break when they are with their significant others because it’s not like that. Their bond runs too deep because it was built around the need to survive and the need to be okay. June will always need him to feel close to who she is because he is the only person she is comfortable and safe with to truly just be. This is the same for him. She is an onion. But she is an onion who peeled her own layers. She wasn’t forced to do it.

This bond is present even when they’re not physically together. When Luke and June have sex after bonding over their hatred of Serena, June continues to honour her relationship and bond she has with Nick even while she’s having sex with her husband. We know that June wasn’t fully clothed when she was having sex with Luke. Luke was completely naked. She knows who he is. He doesn’t know who she is. He knows parts of her, the parts of her that she lets him see, the parts of her that aren’t clothed. But he will never know all of her. This also runs parallel to the association June has with identity and clothing. She is a wife, she is not June. Her clothes remain on her body as long as she is the wife. It’s her reminder of who she is replicating and helps her step into the role of the wife she knows Luke deserves. But he will never know her. He knows her as his wife which she heard quite often. But he will never know her as June. Not like Nick does. He will never feel the beating heart that is June. It also symbolises that her heart is not present in this decision to have sex with Luke. As much as tries to rebuild her marriage with him, she can’t because she won’t show him her true self. She is pulled down by the weight of her legal ties to him which doesn’t help her recover because all that does for her is go back into her old ways of being the subservient Offred who never closes her eyes. Offred has been replaced by the Wife. She has new obligations. She must play the part and convinces herself that she has to because she is so aware of what Luke needs and she feels guilty that she can’t be the wife that she was. She knows her audience though. She knows when to moan and sigh and groan and gasp. Her eyes remain open to observe her audience. He believes her performance. Her facade never faltered, not while he was kissing her neck, not while he moved inside her, not while they undressed each other and kissed one another’s bodies. She was never on top. She was the subservient wife. A wife who loved her husband. A wife who knew her husband missed her moans, her heavy breathing, her body. Even when they were around other people, her eyes never closed. Not when they embraced. Not when they were comforted by one another. The sex scene is intercut with Serena and the Wheelers. Both women are doing what they believe is right. Both women wish their situations were different. Both women are expected to know how to navigate it. Both women know what’s at stake if they don’t.

[softlibra31]

A good life

Pairing: The Mandalorian x OFC! (reader pov)

Chapter 1, “a bad mistake”

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: None yet, will be 18+ in the future!

He had promised you a good life.

One with trust, companionship, and a life where you could raise children with care and unconditional love. Something both of you had never had.

You had never encountered a man quite like him. Both bounty hunters, he met you in your home planet of Navarro. You bumped into him on the way to get a new bounty from Greef Karga, you spotted a new blinking red puck in his hand. His striking green eyes were the first thing that attracted you. Along with his dark brown - almost black - hair. He was not much taller than you, something that would normally throw you off, but in his bounty hunter gear, you couldn’t help but become interested.

You were good-looking, you knew that. Consequently, Navarro men mostly only wanted to sleep with you. Your tough, independent demeanor is usually a warning sign to men that you would not be fit for the role of a wife. For some reason, this didn’t scare him off.

“Want to grab a drink?” He looked cautious yet confident, like he could see your walls, but knew his charm and looks would win any woman’s attention.

You really needed to get a job from Karga, but figured, why the hell not? Maybe you could get a good night out of this.

“Sure,” you looked him up and down, then gave him a small smile, looking into his eyes. He granted you with a smirk.

What a bad mistake.

It’s getting harder every day to remember the women you once were. Now, you are sitting in a dirty cantina, rowdy patrons all around with the smell of spotchka in the air, and your baby girl in your lap.

Your right leg is bouncing up and down in a poor attempt to calm her crying down. Your hands are around her belly, clutching her to your body. How has it come to this?

“It’s okay honey,” you say leaning towards your daughter, “Karga will be back soon and he will help us get out of here” you whispered in your daughter's ear.

You needed to leave this godforsaken planet and all of its painful memories behind, your husband was probably running around loose Navarro looking for you and the baby. It’s only a matter of time before he checks this cantina.

You find yourself scanning your head around the room, your heart beating fast. You saw many different species mingling with each other laughing. One man slams his fist on one of the cantina tables in a heated exchange with his friend. Making you flinch, the baby's cries get louder.

You’ve been in this cantina hundreds of times before, the noise never bothering you. Now you can feel tension forming in the middle of your head, the volume something you couldn’t handle for much longer. God, how could you have turned this sensitive? You are a bounty hunter for makers’ sake. This is it. The scars of my husband's love have changed me forever.

As you look around the room, you finally spot Greg Karga coming through the door. You stand up from the dingy cantina seat lifting your baby onto your right shoulder, pick up your guy's shared bag on your left, and start walking towards the leader of the Bounty Hunters’ Guild. Your long tunic flows onto the floor beneath you.

You had been dealing with Greef Karga for the better part of your adult life. As long as you’ve been a bounty hunter you’ve worked under him. You trusted him. Which is why you came to him when you desperately needed help.

He spots you from the entrance and starts walking toward you. You can feel the stress coming off his body, which always seemed like his default setting thanks to his line of work. Bounty hunting itself is a stressful job. Managing a bunch of big ego bounty hunters every day? Now that’s a whole other level of stress.

Standing in the middle of the cantina, Karga looks at you and reaches out to touch your arm as some sort of comfort.

“How are you two?” He asks with a slight furrow on his brow.

You rub your daughter's head, wanting desperately to stop the small talk. “We’re fine,” you say while bouncing your baby up and down. You look down at her and smile slightly. She’s stopped crying but is still very uncomfortable due to the unusual environment.

Greef gives you a look of doubt, you notice and put your hand up defensively, “We’ll be fine, Karga,” you say more definitive this time.

Greef is still not convinced but accepts your answer. He lets out a big sigh, closing and then opening his eyes, looking at your baby and then around the cantina in disbelief. He looks you in the eyes as he says, “Follow me to my office, this is no place for a child.”

You hand him your bag and start following him towards the back of the establishment. Several people in the cantina start looking at you as you and Karga leave, you hold your baby’s head possessively against your shoulder, feeling some drool drop onto your neck. You softly smile to yourself. Your daughter seems to be the only semblance of happiness in your life at the moment. The only good thing to come out of your marriage.

When you and Karga reach his office, he drops your bag onto a nearby chair and fishes out two ration packs from under his desk. “Here,” he hands you the food. “Eat,” Karga sternly adds. You take the packs, nodding his thanks while looking him in the eyes.

You haven’t noticed how hungry you were until you felt your stomach rumbling at the smell of the ration pack opening. You felt heat rise on your cheeks, you need to start paying more attention to yourself. The first bite is heavenly and you have to use all your willpower to not scarf the packet down.

You quickly come back to reality when you see Karga sitting in his seat with one foot resting on his other knee. He looked like a real leader. You remember when you felt like a leader. Now, more like something of a damsel in distress. Needs to be saved by some man. But, if you were going to be saved by a man, you were glad it would be Karga.

As you are chewing, you remember the situation at hand, “So what’s your plan, Karga?” you question him. “My husband isn’t a dumb man, he will come looking for us…” you take another bite, “and this will be one of the first places he checks,” the urgency in your voice not lost on Karga.

“I know, I know,” Karga acknowledges your worry and looks out the blinds of the window behind his office chair. “I have transportation for you coming, I just don’t know where they are…” he trails off still looking out the window.

You finish the ration pack and throw it in a nearby trash can, making the shot. You pick up your daughter from your shoulder, and hold her from her head in your lap, looking down at her face. Her big brown eyes staring up at you makes you feel hopeful. Hopeful you can finally leave this planet. You spot some dried-up tears on her face and gently wipe them off with your left thumb. You lean down and kiss her cheeks and then her forehead, earning you a giggle.

Although you can still hear the boisterous sounds coming from the bar patrons, it is much quieter in Kargas’ office. Your daughter is in a much better mood after leaving the cantina, you hope she will never have to be in one again. That is until she can drink the spotchka, at least.

Suddenly, you can barely hear the noise from the next room. What has happened? You think something strange must’ve happened in the cantina, stopping all commotion from occurring. Karga turns around and looks at you with a smirk on his face, “Sounds like your help has arrived, my dear” He looks delighted. “I will go get him,” Karga says, leaving the room.

You look around scouring your brain for who could be here to help you, maybe an old friend of Kargas? A fellow bounty hunter? There are not many people with reliable transportation in Navarro, so not a lot of options.

You hear four footsteps walking towards the office doors and Kargas muffled voice, “C’mon Mando, she’s in a terrible situation, all she needs is a ride to another planet-“

“I’m not a taxi service, Karga,” the voice sounds equal parts modulated and angry. “I’m just here to drop off my bounty and pick up more pucks,” He adds, sounding disgruntled.

Oh, he’s a bounty hunter. You think to yourself. Well, we might get along, except for the fact he doesn’t want to help you.

You hear the two men quickly approaching the door and you hold your baby closer to you. When the door opens you look to your left and see a tall man covered he’s head to toe in beskar. His broad frame is what captures your eye first then, the fact his face is covered.

A Mandalorian. Interesting.

You have heard a lot of Mandalorians, they have sometimes been considered the best-trained fighters in all of the galaxy. In another lifetime you would’ve jumped at the chance to travel with one. You could learn a lot from him. But, you have a daughter now, and safety and a Mandalorian are not two words you would associate with one another.

Flickering your eyes back and forth between the two men, you are the first one to speak, “Um, I didn’t know when you said I was going to be traveling with someone, it would be a Mandalorian, Karga,” hesitation dripping from your mouth.

The Mandalorian looks at Karga expectedly with his gloved hands resting on his hips. 

Karga looks between the both of you feeling questioned, “Listen-,” he starts defensively, “Mando is a good friend, and I trust him with my life.” 

You slowly start to listen, if Karga trusts him, maybe you could too. “He protects what is good,” the man finishes glancing from the Mandalorians' covered face over to your worried gaze.

You look to the Mandalorian to see him already staring at you and your daughter. He has a blaster attached to his right hip, and a long spear attached to his back, his beskar blinking with each speck of light it catches. His posture is straight, hands perfectly at his hands ready to grab whatever he needs at the first sign of danger. He appreciates his weapons. Time is ticking, and you worry he will not give you and your daughter his assistance. Your palms get sweaty and you feel your eyes start to water at the horrific possibility of being stuck on this planet forever.

You don’t expect a Mandalorian to possess the soft nature required to care for and nurture a child, and would a Mandalorian take a random mother and her child under his protection?

“I’ll help,” the modulated voice announces gruffly, his arms moving from their sides to cross over his chest.

You sign in relief and your hands cross over your heart, looking directly into the black visor. And you let a grateful tear drop from your eye.

“Where do they need to go?” The Mandalorian gestures his hand down to you asking the man to his left.

“We just need to leave this planet,” you answer for yourself. Both men turn their attention completely to you. “And we need to leave fast, it’s only a matter of time before my husband comes.”

You stand up picking up your daughter with you and look down to see she has fallen asleep. You reach for the bag that Karga left on his chair for you.

“Wait.” The Mandalorian says sternly. You swallowed as you waited for the worst. Would he retract his kindness?

The Mandalorian must’ve noticed your slight worry, “No, I just need Karga to give me more bounty pucks.” He said with his hands up in defense. “Then we can go.” He finished with a nod your way.

Karga flashed a big smile towards you, “That I can do.”

Karga leaves the room swiftly, leaving you alone with the Mandalorian and your daughter.

You shift your feet from side to side, while still standing up, and you turn your back to the Mandalorian. The intensity of his stare is not lost on you regardless of his face being anonymous. You go into you and I’m your daughter's only bag, looking for your baby carrier, arm getting tired of carrying her. You can still feel the Mandlaorians' eyes on you.

You hear Kargas boots walking speedily on the floor and you turn back towards the door, baby girl now in her carrier.

Karga enters the room and hands the beskar -covered man the pucks. Mustard-colored fingertip gloves grab them and the man stashes them somewhere in his pants.

“I just saw your husband in the cantina,” Karga pressingly informs you. You feel your hands go numb at his information.

“O-Okay, is there another exit?!” You try hard not to panic, but the threat of him being back in your life is too anxiety-inducing.

Karga nods in sympathy, “Yes, dear,” He starts calmly, “Go straight down the hallway and then make a right, there should be a door. No one besides me uses it.”

You quickly nod and lift your hold above your head trying your hardest to conceal your identity. You look at Karga and give him a one-armed hug, “Thank you.” You whisper in his ear. You feel him smile against the side of your face as he pats your back.

The Mandalorian glanced at you both then quickly turns his head away. Karga let’s go of you, “It’s my pleasure,” he says patting your hair. “Start walking to the exit, Mando will meet you, I just need a word with him.”

As Karga starts explaining the route to the exit, a thought flashes through your mind that this is a trap, that Karga is working with your husband and is letting you go off by yourself in hopes that your husband will spot you first. Your eyes flicker between the two men.

No. Karga is a good man and would not do that to you. 

You inhale deeply, “Okay.” You say hesitantly, then shaking your head at the Mandalorian, “I’ll wait for you at the door.”

He doesn’t say anything but grants you a nod.

You leave seeing Karga put his hand on the Mandalorians’ shoulder, and start your walk using Kargas' directions. Down the hallway and make a right.

When you reach the door, you can tell it hasn’t been in use in years. There’s rust on its hinges, and you're sure if you opened it right now the creak would be loud enough to wake your child.

You hear the creak of steel moving towards you, footsteps growing louder with each step, and now face to face with the Mandalorian, He seems taller now that you are closer to him. Your neck hurts having to look up at him, as you note he has to be at least six feet tall. You realize you are blocking the door when the Mandalorian still doesn’t move from his stance before you. You step to the side, and the Mandalorian opens the door for you to exit from first.

The breeze feels refreshing on your skin and the sun is glowing on you about to go away for the day. Nature is a nice reminder that whatever bad has happened there are still the simple beauties of life that you can still count on.

The Mandalorian starts walking away, fast. “My ship isn’t far,” he mutters.

You try to pick up your pace, god he can walk fast.

His ship starts coming to view, the sunlight hitting perfectly on its metal parts. It’s a big ship, the biggest you’ve ever seen. At this point in your life starfighters flying over Navarro are the closest you’ve seen to any kind of ship.

When you reach the ship, the Mandalorian presses a button on his forearm, and a ramp starts to come down from the ship leading to the entrance.

The Mandalorian looks to you and gestures with his hand to the ramp.

“Go on,” he says impatiently.

You hurry up the ship's ramp, one of the Mandalorians' hands hovering over your back and the other touching his holster. His head never looks away from the cantina's doors and pushes the button on his arm again.

The door closes with a loud clicking noise, leaving you, the Mandalorian, and your baby in silence. The ship smells like metal, fuel, and a slight woodsy scent that you can’t quite put your finger on.

“Follow me.” The Mandalorian instructs you. He starts walking to the right of the ship and you pass what looks to be the kitchen, so spotless it’s comical.

He stops walking and you stand in front of a dark gray door with no doorknob. He presses a code on the side of the door and the door slides open from bottom to top. Inside you see a queen-sized bed, but no personal items. It feels like a luxurious jail cell. You do, however, see a small baby cradle next to the bed.

You stop in your movements and peered intently at the cradle. Why does a Mandalorian have a baby cradle on board? He didn’t know you would be on board with him, let alone bringing your daughter with you. You slightly lift your finger and look from the cradle to him with a furrow in your brows, “Why-?” you started.

“You can use that for your daughter” the Mandalorian cut you off immediately. “I will be up in the cockpit, starting our route to another planet. I suggest you get some rest, it will be a long ride.”

You nod in agreement, not wanting to stir any trouble with the man. He turns away quickly, his cape following behind him. Leaving you feeling puzzled

Who is he?

Your daughter is still in a deep slumber in your arms, drool coming out of her mouth and her head tilting to the right side. You carry her to the cradle, already finding a blue fleece blanket. As you are about to place her in her bed, then stop halfway. All the anguish you two have endured the past couple of days, all you want is your baby close.

So, you wrap her in the blanket as best as you can and walk over to the more adult-sized bed. Grabbing a pillow and putting it on one edge of the bed, you put your daughter in the middle, creating a barrier with your body.

Her eyes are closed, and you spot a little drool coming out of her mouth, her light brown curls peeking out of the blanket you wrapped her in, and you are hoping you and your daughter's future can be as tranquil as she looks right now.

You think of the man upstairs, and his kindness to let you escape in his ship. You just hope it isn’t a trick.

A good life, what a joke. 

You pull your baby against your body, and you can start to feel your eyes get droopy, making it hard to keep them open, your arms start to feel heavier and heavier, and you close your eyes allowing yourself to enter a state of never-ending calmness.

Authors note: This is the first story I’ve ever written, it’ll probably be a little rough, but I love the idea I had so much I just had to write it. This will be a slow burn, my fav :) Idk how many chapters yet I’m figuring out as I go along but probably won’t be short. Please let me know what you think, send me a message if you have any notes for me or positive messages, just please be nice, thank you :)

[locustheologicus]

The Global Human Family: Embracing Solidarity and Subsidiarity

The second principle of Catholic Social Teaching is on the value of family, community, and participation. If the first principle highlight the individual dignity that we all have as humans made in the image and likeness of God, the second principle highlights that, for Christians, God own existence is defined within a dynamic of relationships and likewise our own dignity can only be expressed in a social dynamic of relationships to one another. That is why the value of family is so important for us Christians. 

In his 2008 World Day of Peace Message Pope Benedict XVI offered the following reflection on the family and its role in promoting justice and peace.

Indeed, in a healthy family life we experience some of the fundamental elements of peace: justice and love between brothers and sisters, the role of authority expressed by parents, loving concern for the members who are weaker because of youth, sickness or old age, mutual help in the necessities of life, readiness to accept others and, if necessary, to forgive them. For this reason, the family is the first and indispensable teacher of peace.

Of course one needs to notice Pope Benedict XVI use of the word “healthy” when describing a family that can be a conduit for justice and peace. Pope Francis addressed this reality in his exhortation “Amoris Laetitia” where the Church recognized that many family dynamics are far from “healthy.” This is where the Church, under Pope Francis, addressed the idea of a wounded family, and recalled the notion of the Church as a “Field Hospital” to recognize the importance of being attentive to the wounds that many families suffer.    

‘The Church must accompany with attention and care the weakest of her children, who show signs of a wounded and troubled love, by restoring in them hope and confidence, like the beacon of a lighthouse in a port or a torch carried among the people to enlighten those who have lost their way or who are in the midst of a storm’. Let us not forget that the Church’s task is often like that of a field hospital. - Pope Francis, AL #291

Pope Benedict challenged us to strive for a healthy familial role and Pope Francis placed it within the scope of the Church to promote this service. Both Popes have also wanted us to recognize how we need to also look upon our social community as a global human family and strive to be healthy and responsible members of such a community.

We do not live alongside one another purely by chance; all of us are progressing along a common path as men and women, and thus as brothers and sisters. Consequently, it is essential that we should all be committed to living our lives in an attitude of responsibility before God, acknowledging him as the deepest source of our own existence and that of others. By going back to this supreme principle we are able to perceive the unconditional worth of each human being, and thus to lay the premises for building a humanity at peace. Without this transcendent foundation society is a mere aggregation of neighbours, not a community of brothers and sisters called to form one great family.

The image of of a global human family brings to life the principles of subsidiarity and solidarity. In paragraph 187 of the encyclical “Fratelli Tutti” Pope Francis tells us that the principle of subsidiarity is inseparable from the principle of solidarity. It is through the concrete experience of the local that we can respond pragmatically to values and principles while responding to similar global situations. The family is the local authority that has the authority to dispense justice and peace, this local unit must be supported by the wider community only insofar as it does not have access to basic human needs. But as a global human family we must also be ready to respond to the needs of our wounded family who suffers from social injustices. Pope Benedict XVI tells us that what we need to reflect on (at the local and global level) is a common standard. Families should strive for this in their own dynamic and the global human family should also be guided by a common standard.  

A family lives in peace if all its members submit to a common standard: this is what prevents selfish individualism and brings individuals together, fostering their harmonious coexistence and giving direction to their work. This principle, obvious as it is, also holds true for wider communities: from local and national communities to the international community itself. For the sake of peace, a common law is needed, one which would foster true freedom rather than blind caprice, and protect the weak from oppression by the strong.

The principles of subsidiarity and solidarity appear to be in tension, do we empower the local community or the global society? Should we emphasize a standard for the local or global? The answer is found with the idea that we are a global human family, it is not an either/or question but a both/and reality. We have our local responsibilities that must be supported but we are also part of a global society and we are expected to be responsible for one another, especially those who are in need.    

[missingn000]

the phantom guardian chapter twenty-five

[testudoaubrei-blog]

“I’m loyal, that’s my whole thing.” - Scorpia, Season 4 Episode 6, Princess Scorpia

“Everything they taught us in the Horde about loyalty is meaningless” - Lonnie, Season 4 Episode 5, Protocol

Rewatching Season 4, I just finished Princess Scorpia. This is an episode that has always stuck with me, especially the A plot of Scorpia realizing how badly Catra has treated her and everyone else and deciding to leave. One thing I’ve been thinking about since I finished the series, though, is what this episode is telling us on a larger level. Looking beyond the character arcs and more at this show’s larger themes and message. Because this show is very much a show that says things, made by people who believe them. That earnestness and depth is one reason I keep coming back to it.

In the pull-quote above, and throughout the episode and before it, Scorpia defines herself in terms of loyalty. It is her identity - as she says, that’s what Scorpions do, they’re loyal. Her actions for three and a half seasons bear this out. When she first shows up, she tries to position herself as Catra’s new best friend, the one who won’t leave her and will stick by her no matter what. And that’s what she does, until this episode. She sticks by Catra through Catra’s increasingly villainous plots and erratic behavior. But she doesn’t just stick around. Until the portal, she barely contradicts Catra, and even afterwards, does so only furtively and immediately backs away as soon as Catra pushes back. For more than a year of show time, Scorpia has not just stood by Catra, or supported her, she’s actively assisted her in her most villainous and destructive acts. Scorpia is fighting by Catra’s side, eagerly carrying out her orders, and doing her utmost to see that Catra succeeds. But her loyalty goes beyond this practical help. Because for all that Catra loudly declares that she doesn’t need a new best friend, she consistently seeks out connection throughout the show, even when she’s at her most isolated in season 4. She needs moral support, and connection, and to know that she isn’t alone. Scorpia provides that, and keeps Catra going. Though Scropia isn’t initiating Catra’s various misdeeds, she’s assisting and supporting Catra throughout. On a personal, psychological level, the only word that seems adequate for this is ‘ennabling’ - Scorpia, sweet as she is, is Catra’s enabler. We see in the next few episodes what happens when Catra doesn’t have Scorpia’s support - she breaks down, and realizes that her actions really do have consequences, and that the affection she took for granted for so many years is something she can’t live without. But as long as Scorpia’s still around, Catra can’t make that realization.

Now I’m not going to say that Scorpia is morally culpable for Catra’s own actions. She’s not. Catra is solely responsible for her various betrayals, manipulations, violent outbursts and assorted murder attempts against...most of the rest of the cast (though being raised by Shadow Weaver sure as shit is a mitigating factor). But while Catra is obviously being a bad friend to Scorpia throughout, Scorpia isn’t actually being as supportive or helpful to Catra as she thinks, because Catra doesn’t actually need unconditional support, she needs people to be honest with her and express to her how she’s hurting them. She needs people who will stand up for themselves just as she needs to take responsibility for her own actions. This is part of why she and Adora have such a healthy dynamic in season 5 - Adora doesn’t take her crap, and Catra takes responsibility for her crap.

However, Scorpia -is- responsible for her own actions. And as I said above, she’s been with Catra every step of the way as Catra has attacked just about everyone and made war on Etheria. On a larger, political level, Scorpia is a willing participant in upholding the Horde’s oppressive system, and executing a war of aggression and colonization against innocent people. Speaking of colonization, perversely, she’s loyal to the very organization that dispossessed her and literally stole her birthright, then discarded it like a useless trinket when it was no longer useful to them. No one ever suggests ‘why don’t we let Scorpia connect with ~her runestone~’ until Glimmer does (and Glimmer’s motivations and arguments aren’t exactly forthright). Scorpia’s loyalty makes her an accomplice in her own oppression (like a bunch of the themes in this show there’s some interesting post-colonial stuff that the show doesn’t fully explore, probably because Noelle and the crew felt self-conscious about telling a post colonial story, or just didn’t know where to go with it). Interestingly, Scorpia’s loyalty to the Horde here parallels her loyalty to Catra, which has made her completely disregard her own wellbeing, which is the most obvious take away from the episode.

But I would argue that everything above shows that for Scorpia loyalty has been a way of avoiding developing her own moral compass. Scorpia repeatedly shoves aside questions of right or wrong in favor of being loyal to her friends and to the Horde. Loyalty has made Scorpia not only willing to accept her own mistreatment, but to willingly mistreat others, and to keep herself from asking any hard questions about what she’s doing or why. This is despite the fact that Scorpia is, by inclination, an incredibly gentle, kind and compassionate person. She’s willing to silence the best parts of her nature out of loyalty to Catra and the Horde. In the end, she also commits acts of violence and perpetuates the oppression of Etheria. And this is so insightful, because we see this sort of thing in our world all the time. So many oppressive institutions depend upon the loyalty of their members to keep them ‘just following orders’; so many abusive systems depend upon loyalty to stifle dissent and silence potential whistleblowers before they even speak. We see this in some of the most oppressive institutions and the worst scandals in our own society, and looking back through human history we see it in some of our nation’s and our species' most infamous crimes.

And when we look at the Horde as a system that Hordak has built in imitation of his elder brother’s empire, we see just how central loyalty is an ethos. Hordak himself is motivated entirely by loyalty to Prime - being a former clone, he spends the entire series not fully capable of accepting himself as an autonomous being (even when he acts like one and enjoys it, there’s some fucked up religious shit there that I won’t get into). He seems to have instilled this in his followers. The Horde Trio, Catra and Scorpia all hold loyalty as one of their highest values. Catra clings to it as her biggest accusation against Adora - that she was disloyal, as expressed in Catra’s perception that Adora broke her promise and abandoned her. Loyalty keeps the Horde Trio together and fighting for the Horde, and Scorpia with Catra. I think we can read between the lines and say the Horde runs on loyalty (as well as fear) and this is a very insightful portrayal of oppressive military and paramilitary institutions like armies of conquest and occupation and other instruments of state violence.

There’s another, related way of looking at how a sole reliance on loyalty as a moral framework has stunted Scorpia’s moral growth, and I think that brings together both the ways that it makes Scorpia willing to accept her mistreatment and participate in the mistreatment of others. Namely, loyalty in the Horde style isn’t just sticking with someone or something, but subsuming your own will into theirs. Following orders. Supporting your friend in what they do no matter what. Whatever you call it, it’s about turning off your own self - your self preservation, your self respect, your conscience, whatever other things you value - and just going along with what the person or institution you are loyal to wants you to do. And this is where Horde loyalty goes full circle, back to its origin - Horde Prime, the narcissistic self-made god who wishes to control or destroy everything that is not himself. Loyalty as Hordak conceived of it and as the Horde believes in it is a reflection of Prime's absolute control over all his domain.

In a way, self-determination is one of this show’s highest values (together with love). It’s at the heart of Adora’s 5-season, 3 year struggle to become her own woman and her own hero as she shrugs off one imposed destiny and then another and finally embraces what she wants. In a more negative form, it’s at the heart of Catra’s arc, as she finally accepts responsibility for her own actions and their consequences and starts working to make a world that she actually wants to live in, as well as admit to herself that what she really wants is love. And I could go on. This self-determination is existentially, obviously threatened by Prime chipping people, but it is also stunted by horde-style loyalty that demands unquestioning support and obedience.

Both the Horde Trio and Scorpia reject the Horde’s ideal of loyalty and walk away, but I think it’s interesting how they do it. Neither rejects loyalty entirely (not on the way Adora does) - the Trio, realistically, remain loyal to each other and simply walk away and walk out of the war (this might save their lives), joining the other disillusioned cynics in the Crimson Wastes. They reject loyalty to the horde and embrace a more supportive and respectful form of loyalty to each other. Scorpia leaves, but she actually comes to her crisis and makes her decision out of loyalty, and because it’s clear that her loyalty isn’t returned. The immediate situation - loyalty to Emily and Entrapta’s memory on one hand and Catra’s orders on the others - creates the conflict between loyalties that forces Scorpia to actually make her own choice rather than deferring to Catra. But she also reflects how Catra betrayed her loyalty to Entrapta, and thus how all of her friends’ loyalty to Catra is not returned.This is another point about horde-style loyalty - it’s one way - Hordak or Catra will demand your loyalty, but they feel no obligation to return it, which reflects Prime’s view of every other being in the universe as disposable. It’s only when she’s with the Princesses that Scorpia starts to find a new moral center, though sticking up for and protecting her friends remains important to her. In neither case, though, are these kinds of loyalty coming at the cost of either the Trio or Scorpia’s autonomy or ability to make moral choices of their own. In the very next episode, she says she wants to 'be A good friend' which is how the Princesses typically describe sticking together, which is a much more active and holistic concept than 'loyalty'. Scorpia confesses that she doesn't even know how, but she wants to learn and thinks the princesses can teach her.

There's another interesting counterexample to Horde Loyalty. Adora repeatedly breaks with the people around her to do what is right. First she leaves the Horde, then walks away from Catra by stages when it is clear that Catra is going to continue to harm other people and Etheria. Then she walks away from Glimmer, defies Light Hope and breaks loyalty with her supposed destiny and purposes as well as loyalty to the homelans she has never known. By season 5, Adora is loyal only to herself and the people she cares about, but she isn't constraining her will to anyone else's. For all that she seems like a rule follower Adora has a rebellious streak a mile wide, and she will do what is right, no matter what. This is what allows her to save the universe 3 times.

So the show’s argument is that loyalty is not a good moral framework to base all of our actions around. I don’t think it goes so far as saying that loyalty has no place in our ethics (being a good friend, which is such a huge part of the show, certainly includes loyalty, especially sticking with people when the going gets tough), but the show stresses time and again that being loyal to something or someone shouldn’t make you disregard yourself and what you think is right. Because it’s only by living out our own values and taking responsibility for our own actions that we can come into our own as moral beings. Moreover, if we insist on maintaining loyalty to institutions that oppress us and others, we can’t dismantle the systems of oppression that are holding us and other people down. (Yes, this is a pretty radical message, but I suspect that Noelle is some kind of anarchist? Anyway, it’s a thing.)

Okay, so that’s what I, a 35 year old, get from this kids show. I think it’s also worth pointing out that this lesson applies to younger viewers too, in their most immediate lives. Younger viewers will have had friends who didn’t treat them well, or might not have treated other people well, and who might have pressured them into participating in the mistreatment of others (this is kind of how bullying works a lot of the time). I think it’s important that younger viewers see how being a good friend never means disrespecting yourself or other people and it means a lot to me that She-Ra shows this in such a nuanced and realistic way.

[stigmatvm]

THE WHOLE HORROR ASK THING FOR IBARA PLS AND THANKS, GO NUTS

Dracula: 

has your muse ever felt tied to something, unable to get away? ( a person / relationship, a fate, a place, ect. )  how did they break that tie, or do they still feel tied to it? 

Ibara Shiozaki was born with a silver line connecting her to every peculiar and gruesome event in his life and he marches along that line like a soldier going to fucking war (joke)

In all seriousness, though, there's a lot that Ibara would be hesitant to admit feeling trapped by, even if it's been a large impact on his life. For starters, having compulsions makes life pretty difficult to navigate sometimes. They bring relief to do, but she's aware of how odd they appear to other people (and trying to explain that he just has to do them to prevent consequences no one else believes in), or how they can make her late, or cause him to avoid doing things that need to be done or even that she just wants to do.

Another thing Ibara hasn't let go of is her time at middle school. He refuses to acknowledge or think about what happened in those years, so she can't fully accept it and start to move on. Feeling resentment and anger feels like a personal failing to her, so he avoids it altogether, which just makes those things worse in the long run. Eventually those things build up, her fuse gets shorter, and something happens-- and the cycle starts all over again.

Fate isn't so much a big deal to Ibara-- she believes in some sort of predestination, but moreso that god has accounted for the choices people make, and if he didn't intervene, it was meant to happen. Life and death are two sides of the same coin, so she's not really all that scared of it, and is willing to try and power through most things with the confidence of someone who believes he is in the right and is destined to win.

The Mummy:

what is something your muse has lost and desperately wants to get back? what would they be willing to do to achieve this? 

I think, subconsciously, Ibara knows that a lot of her confidence from when he was a kid isn't really there anymore, and that it's been replaced with clinging to "it's how it is" or carrogance. When he's good at something, it's unwavering, perfect, and absolute in its correctness regardless of what people say, because she thinks she's good at it and doesn't want to lose that sense of pride. But when he's bad at something, she doesn't really see the ability to improve, and so just tries to say that's how it is and how he is, even if it's a simple skill that needs to be honed. Being able to listen when people say she's wrong or have faith he isn't doomed to fail something is a matter of confidence, and no amount of pride or ignoring it will make that go away.

Frankenstein:

if your muse had to choose, what three traits describe them the most? who taught them these traits, and who do they think had the most influence in making them who they are? 

Honest, pious, and strong. Ibara attributes to learning these things from her father, and it's true. Kanabo's a good man, and while Ibara may have blown some of the ethical lessons out of proportion due to her perception of things, fundamentally he's trying to live up to the example of her father, even if he knows that his love is unconditional. A lot of the family traditions mean a lot to her, and he misses him a lot while at U.A.

The Wolf Man:

has your muse ever made a mistake that had lasting repercussions? what was it / were they? do they still regret their actions, or have they moved on? 

Ibara has been involved in one fist fight in his entire life.

Private school did offer one friend in the grand scheme of things; one Shishida Jurota, who was rather shy and withdrawn in their younger years. This opened him up to teasing, and...well, Ibara can't stand a bully.

Chairs were thrown. Parents were called. She's ashamed of the outburst, even if it was for a good reason. The consequences weren't huge, but still... you remember when you bust up another kid's face and you're really not that type of person.

The Invisible Man:

does your muse feel unseen by the people around them? do they find it difficult to make others take notice of them? how does being ignored / unnoticed make them feel?

Ibara, actually, doesn't really have this issue. He's kind of a space cadet in day-to-day life, and so doesn't really clock the reactions of people around her. Whether or not someone is talking directly to him is irrelevant: if Ibara has something to say, she'll say it, even if it makes no fucking sense.

He doesn't really clock being ignored on purpose either, because Ibara goes into everything hoping to give other people the best reading possible. If someone doesn't say they're ignoring him, she'll just assume they're shy. The dots aren't really connected.

The Phantom of the Opera:

what aspect of your muse do they think is hardest for people to accept? do they try to keep it secret / are they afraid of being ostracized if it’s found out?

She has a lot of feelings about his quirk. It's hard to put into words, but she thinks that on some fundamental level, the thorns represent who he is, and, ergo, that other people are right in keeping an arm's length. Ibara doesn't really keep secrets-- but has a deep fear that somehow, some way, she's been lying to people without realizing it, a paranoia that pushes a lot of his more intense reactions to things.

Creature from the Black Lagoon:

has your muse ever discovered / seen something unusual? did they try to tell anyone about it? how did others respond? 

Ibara's sensory perception is in a league beyond that of a normal person's, and the way it's interpreted is odd, because it's put through the input-output machine that appears to turn everything Ibara sees into some kind of religious metaphor. With his father and Class 1-B, Ibara is pretty open about saying what's going on, although a lot of people assume it's just her being quirky because she always talks like that. This has been somewhat of a barrier to getting help for emotional and/or psychiatric issues, because he really does just talk like that.

If Ibara says angels have spoken of rain, you should pick up an umbrella. Plants can detect changes in the air pressure, you know.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

Loki was abusive towards Thor though and he also got away with this

Oh boy, how do I answer this without writing a whole novel. Anon what have you done.

I don't think he was abusive towards Thor but we need to look at the context here. In a narcissistic family unit there are many roles to play: the scapegoat (Loki), the narcissistic parent (Odin), the enabler (Frigga), the golden child (Thor). And in that dynamic the narcissistic parent will usually pit siblings against each other so they will fight over who their parent loves more, who's more worthy or capable, etc

So, since I'm trying to keep this short because I could write two books about this, when the siblings engage in that it is very common for them to grow apart, never see each other again or, if they have no other choice but to stick together, the relationship is usually doomed. The father knows this, encourages it and benefits from it.

Now, in Thor and Loki's case you need to take into account that the roles were very clear: Thor is the golden child (which comes with its own issues and negative consequences) and Loki is the scapegoat. Judging by what we've seen in the movies Thor did take part in scapegoating his brother but I get the feeling it was mostly subconsciously because I truly believe Thor loves his brother dearly. But he did take part in it and if you see it from Loki's perspective his older brother is supposed to be his guardian, his protector, he should see him (to quote him in TDW) but alas... he doesn't.

So yeah, the relationship isn't easy but there's a lot of love between those two which is why up until Thor 1 they get along just fine and even when Thor is cast out Loki tries to talk to Odin (but he's silenced). Everything that comes after, like Loki lying to Thor I can understand because they're at war with Jotunheim (Thor's doing) and Loki wants to fix things himself without the help of anyone, let alone his brother, so he can go to his father and tell him "Look! Thor started a war but I stopped it! I am worthy! Can't you see it?".

See what I meant earlier about sibling rivalry and the father's validation and love? It's right there. In a normal family unit the love the parent has for their children is unconditional and equal, they don't play favourites. But in a narc unit the love the parent shows is entirely conditional on whether the children act a certain way, behave a certain way, become what's asked of them - and any deviation from that is punished. Which is why siblings fight each other.

So when you say Loki was abusive towards Thor I'm not quite sure what instances you're speaking of (perhaps with something more specific I could understand better) but this is getting long already and that's counting on the fact that I could have written so much more but I chose to not go further on certain points.

Judging the Odin family is quite something and believe me when I say superficial takes will never cover half of what these people had at home. Which is why I love the first two Thor movies and I'm sad they retconned the trilogy in the 3rd because they had something marvelous that turned into... well, something else.

[heyzelsister14]

I would admit, Mikasa breaking Ymir's curse was something I did not expect but looking back and considering that Mikasa has always been the heart of the manga, it does make sense. Ymir was shackled by the devotion she felt over a king that abused her and in consequence, she yearned to understand why she kept on doing so. She needed someone to show her that unconditional love and letting go (in Ymir's case, defiance) are not mutually exclusive. By choosing to kill and then kiss the man she loved, Mikasa perfectly fit what Ymir wanted to understand, thus freeing her and vanishing the power of the titans from the world. So, in more ways than one and in all of its complexities, it was love all along.

It takes everything in me to say this but Eren and Mikasa were never meant to be together because they were destined for something bigger than themselves, bigger than the love they have, and clear enough, that love is what's going to save humanity, break the curse, and end the cycle of hatred. Truly a tragic ship but a remarkable and beautiful one. We can find solace in the fact that they loved each other in every universe Isayama created and would have wanted to be together if given another choice. It really aches to think of the life they could have had, had they not lived in a world of wars and titans. Heck, mah girl still cries and yearns for him after three years and that's okay. Letting go is just part of the process, moving on is an entirely different thing. Mikasa can and will find hapiness in her own way, may it be alone or with someone else. However, if she ever decides to open her heart again, that someone should understand the extent of Eren's place in her heart. After all, Shingeki no Kyojin started and ended with them sitting peacefully in that tree.

P.S. I hope I make sense. I'm still processing the whole finale but I just have to let this out since Eremika is my forever OTP. *CriesSasageyoTears*

[pixiee-amourx]

1

*trigger warning**

I want to speak openly, I can’t do it anywhere else. I can’t be myself around an audience, around people, to or for them. But I’ve always been able to write. It’s like my soul WANTS to spill out onto the pages, like it has so much it wants to say. Writings lonely though, I often feel far too vulnerable to share so please, don’t like the post, don’t comment on it just be here with me. Read it and share my heart. Know me, quietly.

I’m 26 now, I say ‘now’ like it’s been a long and treacherous journey. Because it has. I’ve walked down quiet roads with seldom company. Roads lit up by warm lanterns hearing only my own footsteps echo around me like I’m the only soul in the world. I’ve walked down roads too busy to move, holding my breath whilst the company of other people threaten to pull it from my chest whilst their chatter torments my ears. I’ve walked with lovers some are missed and others I’d rather forget, yet all a part of who I am. I’ve ran down roads littered with shards of glass, naked and beaten trying to seek sanctuary. Many times I’ve abruptly stopped at a cross road, staring at multiple life choices glaring at me until to chose the one that’s right, best suited, yet they all mirror each other. I have learnt the consequences of choosing incorrectly and spent more time sat still in my procrastination garden than living at all and here I am again, reflecting, processing and trying to chose; where to next?

Many things about myself have changed, I have planted firmer less fickle roots. I’ve become grounded and strong, opinionated and unmoving. However, one thing has always remained the same. I don’t belong here. This is not my world, my universe or my life. I am homesick for something I don’t know. I want to follow the nostalgia back to its source but nothing fits, i can’t find it.

Growing up I had a beautiful family with my mum, step-dad and two sisters. Unfortunately I had limited contact with my biological father, he was a domestically abusive heroin addict and my childhood from his care, was traumatic. I loved my home, I loved my parents and my little girls that taught me responsibility and unconditional love, my baby sisters. Along with us my nannan lived with us for long periods of time. I was severely bullied from year 9- year 10 and developed a fear of leaving the house my nannan was my hero. She brought me back to life and helped my family cope with my unusual behaviour, needing to turn the lights on and off so my family wouldn’t die, or walking down the same path for ten minutes so Satan wouldn’t take them. My way of coping with my pain the doctors said, my way of being in control. Then school stopped being an issue and I had amazing teenage years with friends that I love more than life. My nannan died when I turned 16, she was 56 and died from bowel cancer, they said the lumps they originally diagnosed as ‘saddle sores’ from riding her bike were tumours. It didn’t take long for her to leave us. I was diagnosed with depression shortly after and I’ve been medicated ever since, which I am thankful for.

In 2017 I was raped. I always use this a book mark that helps me remember exactly where I was at what time and age, because honestly everything just becomes a blur of emotion and situations. I don’t know why I want to write about this in particular but I think it’s the thing that’s shaped me the most. I am a fucking hurricane in a beautiful and delicate teacup, I am fearless now. The same year I was sectioned under the mental health act and spent a period of time in mental health unit. What’s strange, and almost ironic in the most sinister ‘life’s a bitch’ way is before it happened I was the happiest, most self assured I had ever been in my entire life. I had left a toxic relationship that changed my life, moved back home with my family, took a trip with my friends to Mexico and found myself over and over again until I felt almost a whole person. A few weeks after arriving back in England I had been seeing someone new, looking back, not for a good reason but to sooth my demon that missed toxicity, it was all I knew. He kept her thirst to destroy my life at bay. Alarm bells right there I guess, noticing quickly the person wasn’t right for my new found happiness I concluded the relationship and said we’d stay friends, I collect Humans see, attachments are my downfall and I struggle to let the people I meet go. This particular night I had been drinking, something I have struggled with and been treated for, but I was happy. This was the difference, I went out for a drink with my friends happy and whole. By the end of the evening I began to feel lonely, homesick and very very drunk. So I called said person. I got a taxi to there’s and could barely stand, walk or talk. My soul hurt and I needed to be nurtured, innocently, like a baby I wanted to be held amd loved. I’ll leave out the part where I was sexually assaulted but I fought and lost. I was then shamed because I had been on my period and was called a ‘dirty bastard’ like it was my fault I had forcefully had sex on my period. I’d been sexually assaulted before, three times before, but as a girl I learnt to blame myself. However, this was time was different. This was someone I trusted and who to this day has not spoken to me since. Like it never happened. I became traumatised by my periods and felt like being female was the most disgusting thing I could be. Bleeding. Disgusting. Bad choice after bad choice following that night led me to the life changing decision made by my best friend. I was taken to her house in the early hours of one morning having being picked up by another friend from another situation of my own making. Funnily enough it didn’t stop me having sex l tried to reclaim my sexuality but always ended up in the expression of PTSD symptoms. I was repetitive, sobbing and making little sense claiming I wanted to paint everything white so it was clean. Broken and sobbing she took me to the hospital and firmly fought for my life.

In the mental health unit I met beautiful characters, beautifully broken and in need of sincere Human connection. Some I held hands with to feel less alone. One gentleman I sat with on most evenings, he was old, grumpy and didn’t speak much but I was welcomed to sit and share in his film. He probably enjoyed that I didn’t speak much either. I watched the mental health nurses sign my MAR chart when I took my medication and I’d laugh and tell them I usually do the the signing off of medication and not the taking of it, I’d delight in telling them I were a support worker and not just bat shit crazy. Every night and morning I showered and scrubbed my skin so hard I bled, washing away my sins. I needed so deeply to feel clean. Something that now has become a huge coping mechanism for me. I’d sit and watch the clean green walls, I knew I was safe, I had a free pass out of life for a little while. Being reintroduced to the outside set off wild anxieties I didn’t want to go home and I weren’t ready however the system disagreed. It wasn’t healthy to be institutionalised for long periods at ‘my age’. I went home. For 3-6 weeks afterward I attended AA, I stoped drinking, which caused anxiety attacks when meeting with my friends who drank. Through this process I identified the difference between friends and people I surrounded myself with when I was drunk and the life of the party. As you can imagine, my friend group now is carefully selected and small. I stopped substance abuse and did not own my mobile phone. It scared me and was given to my parents. The first film I saw when I left was ‘the greatest showman’ which is funny isn’t it? Again ironic. I saw it three times at the cinema and I cried on all occasions. I spent copious amounts of time with my shining bright light, one of my little sisters. She was born when I struggled at school and cut through the bullying and now she was here nurturing my bruised little soul again. I coped and saw health care professionals that often failed me but a few grew through the cracks and inspired me. My angels. The system is flawed but there often are people who still care.

After a gruelling four years of work around alcohol and my sexual self and ten years of learning to cope with depression and fighting I’m who I am today. I am getting my degree ( in psychology, obviously) I drink less than I ever have but I don’t have to abstain because I have more self control, I have many blessed people in my life that I love so much I could burst. My life has been equally light as it has been dark. I have grown, shrunk and grown. I have watched the people around me suffer and grow, I have watched them with eager eyes wonder down their roads however wrongly or rightly. I’m 26 and although I’m happy I feel like I’m tired, I’m full from love and full from hate, I’m so tired. People say life is too short and some days I get that, I agree and appreciate that but most days I think life is too long.

All that growing and learning and I still have no idea, when I get to that cross roads, how to identify that road I’m supposed to walk down. They all look the same, yet some have put scars on my wrists and others smiles on my face. How crazy is that. All that growing and learning and my soul is still searching for what’s making it homesick.

I have faith it’s part of the plan. Don’t let the world make you hard, be soft still, be gentle and loving.

If anyone’s out there who feels like they’re tired and want a like minded being to reach out to. I’m here. I’m so completely here for you.