#and we have a list of things we're supposed to consider in making our decision and one of them is the unemployment rate and relative povert

[wedefyauguryy]

economics is the worst subject to have as a leftist

[moremaybank]

heyy! if you have time, i'd really like some angst that will make me cry... lol i was thinking klaus x wife! reader where they have been together all these years and he lets his paranoia get ahead of him and hee daggers her to "keep her safe" and then years later he undaggers her and she is all betrayed and whatever else you want ❤️ thanks!

PARANOIA — k.m

pairing klaus mikaelson x fem!reader

summary klaus goes too far while trying to protect you and your shared family.

warnings angst, klaus and reader arguing, klaus daggering reader

author's note hope you like it, babes!

klaus masterlist

yours and klaus's story had always been sacred to you both.

you'd met as children, klaus teaching you how to craft paints from the countless flowers he'd found in the forest. you tended to cuts and bruises branded on him by mikael, wiping away his tears as you tried your best to take even a fraction of his pain away. you were turned together, struggling to adjust to the changes that came with being immortal. when klaus broke his curse, you were right there by his side, reassuring him that you would navigate through it together.

you'd fled each and every home you'd made together, constantly on the run from the man klaus called father. you fought tirelessly to protect his siblings, the ones you'd considered to be your family as well. you'd hunted down doppelgängers in search of breaking his curse, fought against the numerous enemies klaus had made over the centuries, built empires together...the list goes on.

but never in a million years had you ever expected to find yourselves where you were right now.

"i've had enough, klaus! for weeks now, you've been pushing me away. casting me aside like i'm some toy you're no longer interested in playing with. i deserve more! so you're either going to talk to me, or i'm going to have to investigate for myself."

"leave it alone, y/n. this does not concern you."

"of course it does! we've been building a life together for a thousand years. your battles are my battles. your triumphs are my triumphs. every single decision you make affects me, and vice-versa. we've always faced our problems together, so why is it any different now?"

"it's different because you've become a weakness!"

klaus's statement caught you off-guard, and you swore you felt your heart shatter at his tone.

"what's that supposed to mean?"

klaus squeezed his hand into a fist tightly, trying to calm himself down before he said something he would never be able to take back.

"i will not allow my enemies to use you against me. if they manage to take you away from me, they can use your knowledge about my family and me as ammunition to tear us apart. everything we've ever built will end up in nothing but ash, all because i wasn't smart or brave enough to take the proper precautions needed to protect my family."

"our family! ours!" you argued. "we're married! does that not hold any weight for you? because it does for me.”

klaus remained silent, avoiding your gaze as the guilt coursed through him. he didn't want this. not for you and not for himself. but what choice did he have? he'd betrayed his siblings left, right and centre any time it had served him, but even he knew that he was wrong. and he was trying to make things right. no matter what, he'd always protect them. even if it meant losing out on the things and people he'd loved. like you.

"this isn't you, klaus. this isn't us. we're supposed to be honest with each other and make each other better. forever. even when we lose our way. especially then. but we can't do that when you refuse to talk to me or even look at me, for that matter."

you approached him carefully, hands smoothing up his arms to rest on his broad shoulders. it took a bit of silent pleading, but you got him to look at you. "please, my love. whatever's going on, we can deal with it together, just as we always do." klaus refuses to answer you, and you sigh. "this is bigger than just us. it's about our family. now, i will go down swinging for every last one of you, but you need to let me."

klaus shrugged your hands off of him with a huff, "that's the problem."

"what? what is?"

"the fact that you won't ever let these things go. you would fight to the death for us, and that is the exact thing that is going to get you killed."

tears welled in your eyes as your expression changed. you crossed your arms in defence, brows furrowing as you looked away from him. "oh, so— so what? it's perfectly fine for you to risk everything to save our family, but when i try to do the same, it's an issue?"

"you aren't listening—"

"no, you aren't listening! you don't get to make decisions for me. you can't just cut me out of your diabolical plans and expect me to sit here and take it. this affects me too! why can't you see that?"

again, klaus had no answer. you struggled to accept it, because how could the man who always seemed to have something to say have absolutely no words for you now?

"you're letting your paranoia cloud your judgement. you can't give it the power. you have to trust that we'll be okay."

"trust can be a fickle thing, love. anything can change in an instant. and you're right, i am paranoid. i'm allowing my demons to control me, and the only way i can take my power back is if i try to beat it. and i only know of one way that i can." klaus started to walk toward you, much too calmly for your liking. a look of confusion washed over your features. a chill ran down your spine at his tone.

"klaus...what's going on with you? seriously." you backed up with each step he took forward until your back hit the wall behind you.

klaus's hand came up to your face, gently holding your gaze on him. "i refuse to let anything happen to you. you're too precious to me," he breathed. "and it pains me to do this. in fact, if i could be killed, this would be the very thing that would end my life. but i cannot afford to take chances with your life."

klaus reached behind him, his movements calm so as to not startle you. he pulled the dagger out of his back pocket and slowly brought it forth. you looked downward as you felt the tip of it pressing against your chest ever so slightly.

"klaus, no. you can't. you won't."

your eyes met klaus's again as he took a deep breath. "i need to know you're safe. this is the only way i can be certain."

a combination of fear and anger was caught in your throat, but you forced yourself to speak. "if you do this, you'll lose me forever. and you know very well that forever is a long time, especially for a vampire."

"i don't have a choice, sweetheart," he whispered. and with that, he plunged the dagger into your heart. he held onto your frame as it grew lifeless. tears were cascading down his cheeks as he shut his eyes, clutching onto you. "even if you grow to hate me, you'll be alive to do so."

-

ten years had passed. the mikaelsons had relocated again and again, defeating their enemies as best as they could while doing so. though it hadn't been all smooth sailing.

your presence was felt by the lot of them. the ferocity with which you would fight for them. the love and constant kindness you showed them. the way you believed in the good parts in all of them. there was so much to love about you, and in light of klaus's actions, there was so much to regret the loss of.

none of them could say they were happy about the circumstance you'd been in, yet they couldn't deny that it quelled the fear of their enemies bringing you to a permanent death by their hands.

but now that the fire had died down, klaus could revive you.

klaus stood over your half-living body in your coffin, his undead heart threatening to beat right out of his chest.

"you cannot leave her like this forever," elijah spoke as he approached klaus from behind.

"i know. but i'm not ready to lose her," klaus breathed. "what if she never forgives me? i don't know that i can see myself going on without her. but i do know that i will turn into a man that even i won't be able to recognize."

elijah's hand came up to rest on klaus's shoulder. "you have to allow her to make her own decisions, brother. she will forgive you, or she will not. but she deserves the freedom to decide as she chooses."

klaus nodded his head, the movement barely noticeable. he knew elijah was right, and even if you chose not to forgive him, he could take comfort in the fact that you were alive and breathing. it would absolutely suck, but still, you wouldn't be dead.

"i'll leave you to it," elijah said, "but remember that all things aside, she loves you. no matter if she's hurt or angry. she loves you, niklaus."

klaus listened to the clicks of elijah's dress shoes against the ground as he left him alone with you. he took a deep breath, bracing himself for whatever was about to come. his hand wrapped around the dagger, closing his eyes as he carefully withdrew it from your chest. he placed it on the small table next to your coffin, taking a seat on his chair as he waited for life to spring back into you.

a few moments passed, and klaus watched as your fingers twitched. the grey complexion that took over your body started to fall away, the true tone of your skin taking its place. you groaned as you woke up from your decade-long slumber.

"love?" klaus questioned, quiet as a mouse. he stood up, approaching your coffin. "are you—" he paused with a huff, "how are you feeling?"

you sat up slowly, turning your head to look at klaus. the man you'd trusted with your heart and soul. as you stared at him, you didn't know if you felt that same trust. not after he betrayed you in the way he did.

"how am i feeling? " you asked. "i'm feeling like you daggered me and left me in a lifeless sleep for god knows how long." you sat up, climbing out of the coffin and smacking klaus's hand away when he tried to help you.

"sweetheart, please. let me explain—"

"explain what, klaus? i've given you everything. every last piece of me, and then some. and it still wasn't enough for you to trust me. do you know what that feels like?" he doesn't respond, but he keeps his gaze locked on yours. "it feels like choosing to love and stand by you was a colossal and utter waste of my time. a thousand years worth."

klaus stepped closer to you hesitantly, as his hands found your face. "i know you're angry with me. i understand. but you have to know that i only did what i did to protect you."

you sighed harshly, removing his hands from you. "don't. you don't get to do that. you don't get to dagger me and shove me in a box when my existence isn't convenient for you. i deserve more than that. more than you."

"y/n. i'm sorry. i did what i thought was right. i did what i knew would keep you alive. i was trying to protect you."

"i don't need you to protect me, klaus. i need you to respect me a—and to see me as your equal. but you don't. you just see someone you can push around. and i'm done putting up with it."

you began to walk away, but you paused, turning back to face him. “as the centuries passed, i’ve seen you do terrible, unspeakable things to a lot of people, but i always thought that you had a limit. i thought i would be your limit. but i guess i was wrong.”

"that's not true, y/n. you are the most sacred thing on this planet to me. you're everything. i couldn't risk losing you, especially not when i had the means to stop it," he replied. "please don't do this. don't walk away from us and everything we've built."

you scoffed, "there is no us, klaus. not anymore." you looked into his blue orbs, the very pair of eyes that once brought you so much joy now being the ones to bring you pain. “rebekah tried to warn me all those years ago, and i shrugged her off because i believed in you and i believed in what we had. but now…”

“…what are you saying?”

“i’m saying," you paused, "maybe she was right.” and with that, you left him. lost, alone, and afraid of what was to come.

~

klaus tag list (join here!): @princess-charming-01 @maybankslover @kittyqrt @darkmoonbloodshake @techlipse @the-kaya-aa @catmikaelson20 @hopesdadswife @amournoir @skydisneylover @iluvniklaus @diyabhanushali1 @your_best_hoe @ijustlovetoread @lyn07 @elenavampire21

[lefluoritesys]

My sibling in system (disorder holder & fictive) really wants me to do this post, but they barely have any words, so here we go:

We see a lot of systems struggle with big decision-making IRL because not everybody is on board, and we realized that trying to have everybody on board is probably the worst thing we have ever tried in the history of our systemhood. And I'm saying this as the alter who also dug too deep into our trauma and almost became Elsa in the depths Ahtohallan. Moreover, we're also polyfragmented. After a long and painful time of trying to figure our decision-making as a system, we have finally come up with some tips that might be useful for some other systems:

Ask your active fronters instead of all your alters. This might work best for polyfragmented systems but still works for smaller systems, too. Yes, active fronters and frequent fronters can change after a while, but it's still better to do what's best for you all npw and what you all want now than think about the possibilities of the future that haven't happened yet. Unless they are like life and death or extremely harmful to y'all, however, it's always necessary to take precautions.

Compromise is not supposed to please everybody 100%. Compromise is supposed to find a solution that 1) You all don't hate as much, 2) Will keep you safe. As long as others agree by at least 50%, the compromise is good. If you find other options, and they please everybody more, then by all means, go for it. But as long as it's safe, and all of you agree by at least a half (or, well, 50%), then that's a good compromise. Perfect solutions don't exist. Not always, at least. At the end of the day, you will still disagree with each other on little things, even if the plan feels and/or is perfect.

Your system structure, ideology, and hierarchy really do decide how you make decisions. There is literally no perfect advice for you out there, not even this post. Some systems have a host, and everything heavily depends on their decisions and how they are affected by what's going to happen. Some systems don't have a host but have a group of people at front who are in charge. Some systems are partial DID systems, some systems are class systems. It's always going to be different. Just because some tips work for some systems doesn't mean they should absolutely work for you.

Create polls if they work for you. Polls might work. Grab a system journal and tell everyone there's an active poll and get their answers (Simply Plural provides that option).

Writing a list of wants and desires. Your alters has a dream? Have them right it down (with consent) and consider it in your next big decision. Or just a decision. Maybe your alter wants chips, and you go out the next day, so you're like, "Oh yeah, lemme buy chips on the way home for them."

Writing a list of pros and cons. Cliché, I know. And gotta admit, never tried it ourselves just yet. But if we did, we'd probably write a general list of pros and cons, then letting our trauma holders and active fronters add some stuff that they want.

Speaking of your trauma holders, listen to your goddamn trauma holders. LISTEN TO THEM. If there's one type of alters who know more about your life and potentially you more than you do, it's your trauma holders. They know what they're talking about. They are not imagining it (this was said due to personal experience and not as an attack). It was, in fact, that bad, and even if you don't believe that, believe them when they say it. If a trauma holder says to get away from somebody or someone, hear them out. Do not dismiss them but have a conversation with them and understand that their opinion on the matter is important. It really helps to put things in perspective.

If you make the decision that will not affect you long-term, hold responsibility for that decision. Hold responsibility always, obviously, but I mean alter-wise. Alert others about it, or front long enough until that decision stops affecting you. Have a safety net in the form of your alters.

Always have a safety net IRL, too. Friends, maybe immediate family if possible, lover, partner system. Know where the nearest hospitals and fire departments are, write down all the emergency numbers. We ourselves created a list on our system notion page where we have names and emergency contacts of the people who we can turn to in case of a crisis, as well as local crisis lines. We also add notes about whether or not we can bring up the system around these people. Even if it's something small, better be prepared than dead (I am well aware a lot of you want to fight me on this, but you know what I mean, no dying. /t /nm)

Will this work for every system? No. But it works for ours. /ref

-host

[mysoulismelting]

Ok so I don't typically post anything that can be considered political on my page cause it's supposed to be my little happy space free from torment on the internet but I feel like I'm loosing my fucking mind right now.

WE NEED TO STOP FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER.

Political parties are the stupidest fucking thing that was ever invented- I hate to break it to you, but you're not all so different. Lots of people have the same ideologies as you and are on the "other side" of the political spectrum, but you are only hearing the outspoken angry people.

You ever play that game "we become what we behold"? It is a prime example of what's happening right now.

Anyways that's not my point right now.

My point is:

No one who is part of the 1% or in power wants to or is going to help you.

The government? Doesn't want to help you. Those billionaires? They don't wanna help you. Anyone who is running for president or any government position? They won't help you.

There has been an exorbitant amount of time for policies to be put into place to help the people who are struggling today. The only people who are in power or want power today are people who want to control you. I'm not talking about making it safer for people- I'm saying they want to continue to exploit and abuse the working class for their own gain.

And if we don't come together and fight the common enemy?

We'll continue to become more and more enslaved to corporate greed.

For once, stop complaining on the fucking internet and fighting with people you won't ever see in person in your lifetime and look at the people in power. They are the ones oppressing you. Not some random joe shmoe on Twitter. The political party they are with doesn't matter. They don't care about you. You are nothing but a bug under their shoe. You can "call them out" on the internet all you want, but that won't do anything in the long run. Register to vote, sure- your options are all ass- Do your own research look at what bills they endorsed or if they had been in the government before look at what they promised and what they delivered.

None of these old bags running are gonna tell you the truth, whether they're republican or democrat or an individual runner. Cause they wanna win. Start pushing for actually beneficial bills, make petitions, fuck run for president yourself.

As the people we're supposed to have the power. But we aren't fucking acting like it. Stop letting these old mother fuckers make outdated decisions and start pushing back. There are more of us than there are them.

I'm not saying riot or storm the white house for fucks sake. I'm saying do the paperwork, work with your local government, push back against the insane amount of leniency the government gives themselves.

They want us to fight with each other because it keeps our eyes off them.

If we keep looking at the state of our country and going "eh someone else will fix it" nothing will get done. I'm sure you know the bystander effect.

The people you see everyday are not so different from you. And guess what? We're all humans and we're all learning as we go. So the last thing you should do is ridicule or harass someone who's goal is to learn and better themselves for a better future. We need to stop acting like one different opinion means we can't get along with each other- because guess what? If we only interact with the most extreme sides of the spectrum we'll never learn from each other. It's okay to change your opinion when you are exposed to new information- stop acting like it's not.

This is not a post about anyone specific or anything specifically happening. I just want people to stop fighting each other when they have just as little power as the other person.

At this point I hate this point and really don't want to post it cause people have a habit of misinterpreting things said on the internet, but I think I will this time.

I'll reblog this with a link with an official list of current bills. If I can find anything else helpful I'll add it too. I can also look for more specific things if asked nicely. I'll see if I can get a link for voter registration too. Since things vary state to state I can only do so much. On more reminder that I don't want to fight with anyone, I want to be as helpful as possible.

[lightrises]

"Only in allowing her to pass..." — Hornet, The Radiance, and the means by which Hallownest turned its victims against each other

A quick note: I read Hollow Knight as an anti-colonialist text. As such I'll be touching on topics related to colonialism as it's depicted in the world of the game, and said analysis will reflect both a sympathetic take on The Radiance and a critique of The Pale King that won't pull its punches. If this sounds up your alley, hello and thank you for the read! Let us be sad about these bugs together.

———

So!! A while back I realized something about pre-canon that felt rather... "curious" is one way to put it, I think. To wit: for all the effort and scheming and determination The Pale King poured into trying to get rid of The Radiance, neither of his plans involved directly killing her.

Was that his long game? Well, sure, that seems clear enough. His tack changed from luring the moths away from their god and creator to a more literal form of incarceration once the infection became a factor, but at its core the end goal never really changed—The Pale King very sincerely wished to destroy Radiance via obsolescence. The Seer lends us foreshadowing to confirm as much:

[Image descriptions: Two screenshots from Hollow Knight, showing the Seer and Ghost in the Seer's alcove at the Resting Grounds. Across both screenshots, the Seer tells Ghost the following: "None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters." End description.]

(Which, by the way and given the context, talk about an extremely unsubtle allusion to cultural genocide huh!!! Whew.)

In any case, we're left with a whole bunch of machinations which build up to... well, two very roundabout attempts at committing deicide. That's kind of weird, all things considered! Why not just do the deed in one fell swoop and get it over with?

This could be for any number of reasons. Maybe the king was devoid of the means to instantly kill another higher being. Maybe his personal sense of scruples stopped him short of signing off on MURDER murder (although, y'know, the aforementioned genocide + eternal imprisonment = still cool and copasectic apparently!). Maybe the long drawn-out cruelty was the point. Maybe the idea of playing fuckign 4D chess with the circumstances was too delicious for him to pass up—that man did love to tinker and stick his claws where they sure as hell didn't belong—or maybe it was a little bit of All The Things. Who knows!!

But interrogating The Pale King's methodology on this count isn't what I'm here for, at least not really. The main reason I raise this question at all is that in her own way, Hornet did too.

"I'd urge you to take that harder path... "

See, going by The Pale King's actions and what The White Lady explicitly says, they both foresaw two outcomes wrt the infection: it can be allowed to spread, or it can be contained. At Teacher's Archives, Quirrel acknowledges the fact that Ghost is expected to do... something about this, but he doesn't elaborate on what HE thinks that's supposed to be apart from the obvious "Gotta bust into Black Egg Temple first". Hornet is the one person who presents to us—to Ghost—what's framed as a third option: confront and destroy the infection at its source.

And she doesn't bring it up like it's just another tactic for Ghost to consider, prim and indifferent to what they would do. She nudges them towards it, actively, up to the point where she throws herself into the fray against Hollow at a juncture that's uniquely dangerous to her and her alone just to make that option feasible.

Even when she's couching it in disclaimers that this is still Ghost's decision to make (and let's be fair, she's extremely not wrong about that lol), no one can pretend Hornet is unbiased. It's obvious in that buttoned-down Hornet kind of way that she is way the hell done with the increasingly tenuous stalemate that's kept Hallownest's desiccated corpse from collapsing in on itself. Personally it's hard for me not to read some Toriel Undertale-esque "My father was too entrenched in his own foolishness to pursue any course of action that would have DEFINITIVELY ended this" shade into her stance here, regardless of whether that's strictly true in canon.

And that bit—Hornet's hopes for an end to Hallownest's stasis, moreover her grim calculation of what needs to be done to get there—that's the bit I find super interesting but likewise tragic and depressing as shit, on multiple levels. In no small part because a) canon itself gestures towards Hornet feeling conflicted about the very plan she's pushing, and moreover b) she has at least two (2) damn good reasons to feel that way.

So, what do I mean by that? Let's look here first:

[Image description: A screenshot from Hollow Knight, of Hornet and Ghost inside the Temple of the Black Egg, standing in front of the unsealed egg itself. Hornet has been struck by the Dream Nail and her dialogue is displayed as follows: "... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?" End description.]

As the curtain is about to drop on things one way or another, Hornet thinks,

... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?

Now, looking at that last bit it's easy to go "Oh no, Hornet's worried that Ghost won't survive killing The Radiance!" And I do think that's part of it: Hornet is, categorically, not her father. By endgame it's clear she's not content to view her Void-borne siblings as tools to be used then disposed of. She's also well aware that as a healthy autonomous Vessel amongst the countless dead, Ghost is the only person left alive who has a fighting chance against The Radiance. Knowing someone is the only qualified candidate for the job doesn't make encouraging them to embrace a probable death sentence any less of a bitter pill to swallow, though. And odds are on that this sentiment extends to Hollow too, who IS going to die no matter what happens here. To put it bluntly, it's more than reasonable to conclude that Hornet hates the absolute fuck out of this.

But I don't think that's all there is to it either. Remember what I said earlier about The Pale King's bids for genocide? Well, it's not like the man deigned to limit his efforts to just the moth tribe.

"We do not choose our mothers... "

On top of everything else—an infected Hallownest being all she's ever known, the fact that she only exists because of the infection, the list goes on—Hornet has spent her life wedged into a position that's been uncomfortable and terminally unglamorous at best: she is both a daughter of her father's kingdom and of Deepnest.

Deepnest, which like the moths and many others was here long before the wyrm and his lady wife swanned onto the scene and the God Become Bug laid claim to everything the Light touched plus a considerable amount of change. THAT Deepnest, which has fought claw and thread to retain its sovereignty against same-said settler king, and for which Herrah not only surrendered her life but also agreed to bed her worst enemy, all in hopes of securing a viable future for her people (put a pin in that last part by the way, I'll come back to it soon).

Two Worlds, One Family (Ft. An Indigenous Woman Trying Her Damndest To Work With What She's Got Versus An Imperialist Who Only Signed Up For This Because He Needed The Political Favor THAT Badly, So It's The Height Of Dysfunctional Actually). Fun times!!!!

The baggage this entails for Hornet is gnarly enough without implications made by The White Lady and the pre-canon timeline of events and even Team Cherry's dev notes that the king may well have looked at baby Hornet, gone "YOINK", then ensured she spent the lion's share of her childhood reared within the pearly auspices of his Pale Court*. That would be rather advantageous for Him Specifically after all, the potential to mold a born foe into a future ally and even have her trained in combat under the same tutelage as her doomed sibling. And far be it from him to stop a grown Hornet—his own flesh and blood too!—from making Deepnest her forever home if she so pleased. He totally wouldn't be reneging on his "fair bargain made" by doing this one simple thing until Hornet came of age, not t e c h nic c a l l y.

If that is indeed the case, there's a non-zero chance Hornet's formative years were a hot mess of cultural alienation and being a good deal more privy than most to just how much of a bastard her father could be. There's an equally non-zero chance that at some point she stood or sat within earshot as The Pale King finally, finally dropped all pretense and euphemism to name the Light for precisely what (for who) it was.

See, in conjunction with the question that started this whole dang train of thought I've been asking this one too: Does Hornet know? When she speaks of confronting "the heart of [the] infection" does she know she's talking about not just a literal person but someone very specific? The Radiance, who god though she may be shares skin in the game alongside Hornet as a native woman screwed over by the same settler king, likewise deprived of her kin and saddled with a life gone horrendously pear-shaped?

I'll assume for the sake of exploring the possibility and because I think it's a likely one anyway that yes, Hornet does know. She knows, and despite everything can't help empathizing. She might even look at Radiance and see bits and pieces both reflected and slightly inversed in her own mother: Radiance was forced to the sidelines while her people—her children, the brood she was meant to lead and care for—died out under The Pale King's rule, and it's no stretch to assume she's at least as upset about that as she has been about everything else; Herrah too took drastic measures for her people's sake, trying to head off annihilation by relegating herself to the sidelines in an act that was as much calculated risk as an attempt to find wiggle room and leverage in the face of a nasty proposition.

A calculated risk that, if things continue as they are, might well amount to nothing as the rest of Deepnest gets eaten alive by the infection. It survived The Pale King's advances for so so long, only to fall here. Herrah's sacrifice would be for naught; the other tribes—themselves the king's victims—would keep succumbing to the infection too.

And this is where things fall apart.

"... or the circumstance into which we are born."

Let's be clear: I think Hornet is wise enough to know what's what here, that all the carnage and suffering falls on her father's head for starting this slow-motion trainwreck in the first place. Hallownest wasn't always Hallownest. This domain was Radiance's home first, along with many others. It was the worm-turned-king who rolled up on the scene unsolicited and decided this was a ""'problem""" that had to be """solved""".

But the fact of the matter is that he's gone and The Radiance is here, raging, seemingly inconsolable. Above and beyond being Deepnest's rightful heir, Hornet isn't in a position to countenance more splash damage even if the grief and fury fueling it makes perfect sense. She can understand without ever bringing herself to love Radiance, and she can bend her knee to practicality even if she hates the everloving shit out of it because the fact that it "has" to end this way isn't fair.

This lends itself to one last awful conclusion: that Hornet has probably considered and (rightly or wrongly) discarded the possibility that Radiance can be saved, at least not without dragging more collateral along for the ride. If even her mother and every other enemy to the king seemed to dismiss talking Radiance down as an option way back when... well. Why should Hornet hope for any better after things have escalated so far?

Again, it's practical. A practical net good is what Hornet strives for. And again, it fucking sucks.

For extra tragedy points, this makes Hornet's extended crypticness around Ghost followed by her last minute casting about for a reason to tell them "Wait, don't; not just yet" that she never voices even more of a gut punch. She can't bring herself to burden Ghost with the context that haunts her so, least of all when it might weaken their resolve to go through with what (she thinks) needs doing.

It's the "same song, different verse" which led to the mantis tribe and Deepnest being pitted against each other: Hallownest rigged the game so that two women who could have been powerful allies—who have a mutual vested interest in driving out settler rule—wound up poised as enemies instead. And how awful is that? The king for all his being extremely fucking dead still gets the last laugh, because outside of a miracle the game never manifests Hornet can salvage what her mother started and look forward to a future where Deepnest pulls itself back from the brink if and only if The Radiance dies.

Resolution comes at the price of a completed genocide. Add two more dead siblings to the unconscionable pile thereof, while we're at it. That's what it boils down to whether or not Hornet can bear to articulate it as such, and there's no grace or even a properly bittersweet ending to wring from this clusterfuck. And that is rough.

———

* This has been better explained elsewhere, but a quick rundown: The White Lady tells Ghost that Hornet and Herrah "were permitted little time together." On its surface this can be taken to mean that Hornet was still very young when Herrah was shipped off to Eternal Dreamland—except this doesn't jive with the fact that we meet Hornet as an adult. If the stasis kicked in once the Dreamers went to their rest, which in turn halted the aging process for every living bug in Hallownest, AND before all this Hornet experienced little by the way of quality time with her birth mother... I think you can see where I'm going with this.

To top it off we've got Team Cherry weighing in ominously from their dev notes on Herrah: "As part of the agreement for her alliance and her role as a dreamer, King gave her a child (Hornet). Was she allowed to keep this child or was she taken away?" This isn't confirmation by itself of course, but given additional canon details (see above): Can I get a "yikes" in the chat fellas.

[thegothicviking]

As re-entering a link from herzeleid.com never seem to work (??) I usually copy and paste the actual text. Remember a transcription of Flake chatting with fans that I posted from early 00'? Before this Paul had a similar if not the same chat. I have already too long post in tumblr now so it will be broken down in 2 parts!

PAUL CHAT WITH FANS part I

Transcribed by Jeremy Williams

Taken from Rammstein.com chat

October 26 , 2005

_____________________________

Mod: Hello to you all. Thanks for coming out. Paul will be here in just a few minutes. And then we're going to get started.

Paul: Let's go!

niti: +++

Mod: Sorry, there was a technical problem. But the chat will start soon.

niti: +++

**atomrt: how do you chose the sounds for each song because all of them fit perfectly?**

Paul: Thanks a lot! Sometimes that works out well, sometimes not so well.+++

**maria: Your album covers have always sparked a lot of controversy. Which cover is your favourite and why?**

Paul: The cover for Sehnsucht was the most dramatic in my opinion.+++

**Benzramm: What was coming out of the fake penis during the live act "Bück Dich"? **

Paul: That was water with Ouzo to make it milky.+++

**Beurgueur: Good evening, Have you ever thought to write a metal-opera based on rammstein’ story?**

Paul: Hopefully not. We have enough theater elements already.+++

**MafiUndomiel: I was at River Plate Stadium in Argentina, 1999, when you toured with KISS. You did almost surpassed KISS music and show with your impact, and many people was really impressed. I still remember the silence during Du Hast, as Till was singing the refrain. What do you remember of Argentina, of this show? **

Paul: Yeah, that was unbelievable. It's a shame that we can't play in South America this time. Flake was seriously ill.+++

**MafiUndomiel: Did Till write Te Quiero Puta on his own, or had some kind of external help? I know it's not very complicated, nor elaborated in the lyrics, but it's not easy to put two or three sentences together if you don't know the language... believe me! I'm still trying with German!**

Paul: He had some help from his girlfriend and from Flake's friend from Chile.

Paul: But Till can already speak Spanish so well that he only had a few questions about grammar.+++

**monkeyman: What type of gear do you use when recording in the studio?**

Paul: This would take two hours to list. Too much for now. Sorry.+++

**Hugo: Why did you choose almost the same cover for the japanese version of Reise, Reise and Rosenrot? **

Paul: Because we thought it would be a shame to use the cover only for the Japanese edition.+++

**MafiUndomiel: There are many bands that edited DVD and VHS with the footage they got when they recorded their albums, the creative process and all that stuff. Since many R+ fans are really interested in knowing "Rammstein's kitchen", have you considered releasing something of that kind?

** Paul: I filmed some of the footage during Reise, Reise and it will come out sometime on a DVD as bonus material.+++

**blastedop: What happened to Live DVD? It was delayed? **

Paul: Yeah a little bit, but we're going to try to do it this year.+++

**MafiUndomiel: I wanted to know how did you put your setlists together when you go to a country you've never been... you mix old and new material, or you prefer to show your new material above all, and play only the "classics"? **

Paul: We play a mix of both old and new.+++

**Jenna: As you are possibly the most successful band from Germany (singing in German) that you are expected to represent German music and culture to the rest of the world? **

Paul: It was never our plan to play all over the world.

Paul: Sometimes we wonder ourselves how this all happened.+++

**beurgueur: what american film director would you enjoy to make a ckip with **

Paul: Tarantino.+++

**Benzramm: Did you ever get hurt when you were working with fire on the live acts ? **

Paul: Sometimes.+++

**aeon: One Rammstein member said you had a movie project with Werner Herzog. Do you think this project will be carried out and would you like to act in something different from Rammstein videos ? **

Paul: It's been awhile with WErner herzog. Maybe it will work out, there's still a plan to do it.

Paul: +++

**Rammsteinizied: Dear Paul: What is your favorite live performance effect? (like the flamethrowes in Feuer frei or the bow in DRSG) **

Paul: The nose flame throwers that we use in Feuer frei!+++

**MafiUndomiel: Which was your first guitar? Do you still own it? **

Paul: It was a Telecaster copy. A cheap one. I gave away my first guitars at an auction for a good cause. No idea whether it worked out.+++

**Straya: This has been in my mind for a while now, and I must ask. From the sample songs on the official site, it seems Rosenrot might be your 'hardest/loudest' albums, the songs seem 'hard', in a way, like Ich Will, Feuer Frei, and Mein Teil; what do you think of this? **

Paul: I don't think so. There are fewer sequences so the guitars come out better.+++

**Synthema: Do you still feel that being in Rammstein is almost like being in a six-way marriage? Does the band still function as a tight a unit or have things drifted apart? **

Paul: Yeah.

Paul: We're still together. Knock on wood. We've been together for 10 years and now that we've gone through our crisis, we feel better than ever.

Paul: We've got money, success, beautiful women and all the rest.

Paul: Things can only get worse.+++

**Jenna: Do you think your videos help to stop you taking yourselves too seriously? **

Paul: We've always taken ourselves less seriously than many people think. our best friends know this.

Paul: At the moment, we don't feel like making any humouress videos.+++

**whiskeypapa: When writing a song, how many/what kinds of revisions does the song go through before finally making it onto an album? **

Paul: Some songs make it out directly as we conceived them. With other songs, we make 20 versions and they still don't make it.

Paul: +++

**Noora: HI! I'm a fashion and design student from Finland and I was wondering about your stage costumes...How much do you participate in the designing and making of the outfits that you use on your tours? I understand that every album has its own look. Do you first design the outline of the look as a band and hen consult a designer and maker? Thanx and welcome back to Finland! :)**

Paul: Most ideas come directly from the band. For the last outfit, we had the idea to combine Bavarian folkloric outfits with industrial.

Paul: Because Bavarian folklore is not very cool and we like to mix things that you're not supposed to.+++

**Beurgueur: Have you ever thought in what your life would be now if rammstein never was created?**

Paul: No. We don't think that way.+++

**minx: It’s been stated in several interviews that the band has two pyromaniacs in the group, but is there anyone who is not so fond of fire?**

Paul: Everybody in the band has a different specialty.

Paul: Each of us is really equally important.

Paul: It doesn'T matter what each does, it could be better when two are on vacation during preparation and actually help us to make a good video this way.+++

**Badeend: Who thinks of the titles of the cd's? Is it some kind of democraty or is it 1 man that decides?**

Paul: We make the decision as a group but it's not really a democracy. More like a board of directors.+++

**Biz: How have older industrial bands (such as Laibach or KMFDM) influenced you?**

Paul: A lot.

Paul: Also Ministry.+++

**minx: What is the oily black/brown liquid that you are all covered with on stage? Is it a fire retardant liquid?**

Paul: No.

Paul: That's a secret.+++

**minx: Why did you wear a paper bag over your head at the concert in Tallin, last November?**

Paul: I wanted to display an Iraqi prisoner.

Paul: There's a photo of a guy behind barbed wire and he's holding his son but he has a bag on his head.

Paul: That photo really had an impact on me.+++

**aeon: Why do you only do signing sessions in London and Paris? Why not in other big cities f Europe or even Germany? Or is anything planned? **

Paul: Actually we've only planned for Paris. London snuck in at the last minute.

Paul: I don't know any more signing sessions details right now.+++

**Badeend: Did you take gitar lessons or did you teach it on your self?**

Paul: Self-taught.

Paul: +++

**minx: I am going to be at the signing in London on Sunday. Do you enjoy doing those types of promotional events or are they just ‘hard work’?**

Paul: Sometimes it's a lot of fun but other times it can be exhausting.+++

**Synthema: It could be said that the "Rosenrot" photos are quite a departure image-wise from what one would expect from the band. Was this something that was decided by the band for a particular reason, or is this the sort of decision that is out of your hands? Does your management or record label have much control over how you present yourselves, or is that left to you?**

Paul: We don't like to repeat ourselves.

Paul: Usually the band always has the last word on these amtters. But weR'e not always interested in all of the details.+++

**Badeend: What is the new instrument you used in the song Te Quiero Puta?**

Paul: Trumpet.+++

**beurgueur: do you think you'll be on stage again when you'll be 60? (like rolling stones for example...)**

Paul: Hopefully somebody will die first. Then we won'T have to worry about that.+++

**minx: Do you do you all do own make-up for the shows?**

Paul: Yes.+++

**OK-River: Will Rammstein play again "Bück Dich" in a concert, or it is something of the past?**

Paul: I wouldn't say no.+++

**blastedop: Rosenrot is so diferent from Reise Reise. How is this possible if these songs are from Reise Reise recording season?**

Paul: I don'T think so. Listen to the whole album.+++

**Benzramm: Are you a sort of scared when flake is going with his boat in the public ? **

Paul: No.

Paul: But it was always Oli last year.+++

**whiskeypapa: Which of your songs invokes the most emotion from you?**

Paul: Seemann.+++

**MsBehaviour: Greetings from Finland and good evening! My question is, you have been playing together as a band for quite a many years now, and there is a big difference in the sound of Herzeleid and the sound of Reise Reise. Does this "evolution" come naturally to you, or do you make conscious decisions as to where to direct your sound? How do you feel about the change?**

Paul: There are some of us who want to stay the same.

Paul: There's some of us who want to always change.

Paul: These parties fight each other and the result is a new album or a black eye.+++

**MafiUndomiel: Have you heard a cover version of Keine Lust made by a Russian guy called Miguel? What did you think about it?**

Paul: Not yet, unfortunately.+++

**Badeend: Do you have a private jet or do you have to rent a plane?**

Paul: When the record company pays, we fly Business. When we have to pay, it'S Tourist class. Sometimes, when the connections are difficult, we rent a litlle jet.+++

**luna: First "Snow White" now "Rose Red". Do the members of Rammstein have a fondness for fairytales?**

Paul: Who doesn't?+++

**Synthema: Do you still enjoy performing live after all these years, or is it more of a chore now?**

Paul: If we didn't like it, we wouldn't have been around so long.+++

**Benzramm: Is there a double meaning in the songtexts of your songs ? **

Paul: Yeah. But the subtleties and double-meanings get lsot in translation.+++

**Badeend: What is your favorite song or cd?**

Paul: Kill Bill 1.+++

**DRS2G: Is "Hilf Mir" inspired by a Heinrich Hoffmann's tale?!**

Paul: Yes.+++

**Synthema: Have you ever felt that the success of Rammstein has been a negative thing for you in your personal life? That it makes it difficult to decide who to trust and who not to?**

Paul: It is difficult to stay normal despite money and success.

Paul: We fight this on a daily battle but we usually win.+++

**Beurgueur: from a viewer: what guitar do you use for your c tuning, and what guitar does richard use for this?**

Paul: I play a Gibson Les Paul and Richard plays ESP guitars.+++

**Benzramm: Did you really go to the mountains for the videoclip "Ohne Dich"?**

Paul: Yes. The was the funnest video of them all.

Paul: The thin air up there was difficult.

Paul: I'm impressed by mountain climbers who go even higher.

Paul: It was difficult for our crew and us.+++

**MafiUndomiel: how did you and richard decided who was going to be lead and who rythm guitars?**

Paul: Good question.

Paul: We're both stubborn.

Paul: It's a fight every time but we're still doing alright up to now.

Paul: Actually, the winner is supposed to be the one who plays the best solo.+++

**Badeend: Do you still have to take guitar lessons to play better?**

Paul: No.+++

**blastedop: Do you visit fansites? How about a Top 10 Fansites in the official page?**

Paul: From time to time.+++

**Badeend: Why did you pick just that girl for the Texas vocal in Stirb nich vor Mir?**

Paul: It was our producer's idea.+++

**MafiUndomiel: Paul, is there any country that you´d like to visit or going on tour, and you haven´t yet? Why?**

Paul: Yes, we would love to go to Turkey, Mongolia, Iraq. We know we've got lots of fans there.+++

**Jenna: Which current musicians (Not youselves, I'm sorry) do you think are creating the best work at the moment?**

Paul: System of a Down, Muse, Snoop Doggy Dog, Eminem, Slip Knot, etc.+++

**Rammsteinizied: Dear Paul, How do you feel about us fans?**

Paul: It's an honour.+++

**Minx: Do you have a favourite guitar part in a particular song you really enjoy?**

Paul: +++

**DRS2G: Will "Rosenrot" be the 2nd single from your new album?!**

Paul: Yes.+++

**Straya: I'm wondering how this question has not come up yet... but, plenty of people are asking if you guys will tour in America and Canada. I don't mean for this to be one of those annoying questions. But, has anything be talked about?**

Paul: I'm certain that we'll tour North and South America with our next album.+++

**rammsteinuk: I read in a recent interview that there were some arguments within the band during the production of 'Mutter'. Have there been any more strong disagreements like this since?

**Paul: Thankfully not. There's always stress when six stubborn people meet, but nothing serious.+++

**minx: Most influential musician on yourself?**

Paul: Laibach, Ministry, Metallica, Nirvana.+++

**blastedop: Did you like Benzin video? Schneider didnt.**

Paul: I don't think it's that bad.

Paul: We've had three really good videos in a row, so it'S hard to keep the standards so high.

Paul: I'm glad that there's some variation, next time we'll improve.+++

**whiskeypapa: First, Reise Reise saw a "country moment" with Los, and now Rosenrot has Te Quiero Puta. If you could make a fusion of Rammstein and any other world music (for fun), what would it be?**

Paul: Yes, I interested in all combinations of things that don'T fit together.+++

**Biz: Are there any downsides to being famous?**

Paul: We're famous but we can still buy groceries in Berlin without bodyguards.

Paul: We've got nothing to complain about.

Paul: Our band is famous around the world but we still have normal lives, thank God.+++

**minty: Paul are you looking forward to the world cup next year? who will win?**

Paul: Yes. It doesn'T look good for Germany right now.

Paul: I hope that a miracle happens.+++

**aeon: Do you hope your music will still be appreciated in many years from now or it doesn't matter to you ?**

Paul: I think that we're relatively timeless.

Paul: But that'S probably what every band thinks and two years later nobody cares ...+++

**DRS2G: Was it good to be directed by Jonas Akerlund?!**

Paul: Yes, he's just a cool guy.+++

[orionsangel86]

How are y'all puzzled by the end and how TPTB, Dabb and Singer seemingly got the wrong message about fandom, when I've seen countless of Destiel shippers being "pro-ship". Advocating to treat incest, pedo*lia and best*ality the same as queer ships, and how it's totally ok. How often "meta crew" called me terf, fascist for saying it shouldn't be accepted into our queer spaces. It got Bobo to write a char for superwiki. They prob thought we're all just thirsty women who want to see two dudes b*ng

I have no idea what you are talking about.

I’m not puzzled. I know some fuckery went down. I’ve stated my opinions countless times now over the past few months over on Twitter and since coming back to Tumblr properly on my conspiracies post:

TPTB are all business, and they made a last minute business decision based on backing the Walker horse and not wanting Destiel to distract from Jared/Sam, whilst being fearful of the gAY scaring away the CisHet Male audience that they so desperately wanted to cling on to for Walker.

Singer has always been a bronly. Has always seen any queer subtext purely as homoeroticism and is definitely the kind of person who would queerbait fans to get views.

Dabb was weak. He backed down and let his script get butchered.

I don’t know what you mean by destiel shippers advocating those things? Unless you mean supporting AO3 not being censored and regulated of course? Because if you are one of these people that thinks that AO3 needs censoring then you are part of the problem. Believe me, no one in Destiel fandom that I know of is normalising incest, pedophilia or bestiality. No one thinks those things are part of queer spaces.

Some people multiship though. So long as they respect tagging systems and don’t force other people to have to see nasty stuff like what you’ve mentioned, then let people be into what they’re into. I might personally find it gross, and a bit strange, but people are always gonna wanna explore fucked up topics for all manner of reasons. We ain’t purity police here.

Also something I feel I need to be very clear on, which I haven’t mentioned before but um “meta crew”. Which meta crew would that be? There are many many meta writers in spn fandom. We are not a hive mind. Some are some of the nicest people I have ever met, some I don’t interact with much but write some really beautiful stuff and seem to be good people, but there are others who call themselves meta writers who are just bullies, who mock and harass anyone who disagrees with their opinion. Do NOT lump us all into the same boat.

Why any meta writers would call you a terf or a fascist without a good reason is beyond me. I don’t have context here do i? Could you look back over what you said and consider if it sounded terfy? Or fascist? I dunno man I don’t have a say in this, if people have called you out for something you’ve said, maybe look back over what you said and try to see it from their angle? Especially if it was transphobic.

A general rule of thumb for interacting with any fandom:

Ship and let Ship - in other words, don’t judge people on the pairings they like, even if they are problematic, so long as those pairings are well tagged and labelled so people can block as necessary.

Your kink is not my kink - Don’t kink shame people. If people wanna write really fucked up shit, that’s their right. Again, so long as it is all tagged and clearly labelled with content warnings, then there shouldn’t be a problem. It’s not on you to psychoanalyse people for their reasons for being into twisted things. Some people may genuinely be abuse survivors who are using it as a coping mechanism. You don’t know.

The Archive is a fandom holy place - it is protected. It is adored. Do not attack it or you will feel the wrath of 100 different fandoms coming at you. The archive is free from censorship, free from corporate manipulation, free from outside sources trying to mess with it. The archive belongs to US.

Just generally don’t be an asshole. Fandoms tend to attract people who are different from the general norms of society. We were the nerds and losers in school, the queer kids, the ones struggling with MHI. We all have a lot of shit and are all just trying to navigate our way through life via our passions. Don’t shit on peoples passions. You’ll come across a load of people who disagree with you, and occassionally you might be unfortunate enough to come across actual bullies. But most of the time, it won’t take much to rub someone the wrong way because everyone in these spaces tends to be at least kind of emotional, and attached to their passions. So you really do have to be polite. I can’t even tell you how many people in this fandom hate me - some to the point of obsession and slander. I’ve got a block list a mile long and continue to add people to it. There are posts out there with my name and screenshots from my SM spreading lies and hate about me, encouraging people to laugh at me and accusing me of doing things that I have never had the time or the energy to do. Shit happens. Don’t be those people, and you’re golden.

Superwiki is well known by SPN writers for being a bible of information for the show. The writers have previously confirmed that they refer to the SuperWiki when wanting quick research for their episodes. Yes, Bobo named a character after the person who runs the wiki, but I doubt Bobo is aware of how problematic that person is. The name was just in honour of someone who put a lot of work into building the wiki, hell, even I use the wiki! But I certainly don’t support any of Jules personal views. Don’t read into things like that. It never means what you think.

The thirsty women part I would have agreed with back 6 years ago. But they have adapted with us now. We are no longer Becky in season 4. We became Charlie remember? And after that we became intelligent teenagers wanted to tell an exciting story. If they thought destiel shippers were all about the hot guys banging, they certainly wouldn’t have made the love story canon, and they did that. Remember? Cas confessed his love for Dean, and it was the most beautiful, touching, heartfelt moment in the entire series. They did that. Not because they wanted us to objectify the actors, but because they knew how much that love story meant to us. Unfortunately, the network had other ideas for the actual finale. But that doesn’t take away the writers intentions up to that point. So please don’t erase what they worked for.

Ultimately I’m not sure what point you were trying to make with this ask, but this post is I suppose my very long way of saying you are wrong.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Seventy-One

Sorry it's late, I ended up accidentally drugging myself when I got in from work last. I had a migraine and my mom gave me one her of Amitriptyline and I didn't realize it was going to knock me the fuck out for 12 fucking hours. I woke up earlier today and was so confused, work clothes still on, makeup still on, but my migraine went away so I guess it worked.

I told you guys a cut a part out (I'm saving it for another chapter) part of it was the preview for this chapter with the flashback of when Nikki came home after Viv and Duff were being nasty in his bed...anyway enjoy the chapter!

Words: 4k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, mentions of drug abuse

Tag List: @unknownoblivion  @sinningsixx  @edwardtriggerhandzz  @lemmyjelly  @haileynicoleseavey17  @cierrasixx19  @oskea93  @mgkobsessed  @vamprlestat  @sharon6713  @itsametaphorbriansblog  @miriampraez  @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx  @rebeccaphillips14  @nicholeh7  @fandomshit6000  @lilmou5ie  @tamedhearts  @divaanya  @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx  @ratedrkohardychick91  @floregrohlssard  @oldschoolimagineblog  @thanks2pete  @abaldboi  @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium  @caos18blog  @ytwahsog  @shamlessobsession @scarecrowmax  @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471  @solohqrry  @loveofmyloif  @sparxx27  @kaitieskidmore1  @cruecifymesixx  @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor  @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter  @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg  @girlnight-terror  @mcnibberachi

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LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

"What?" I ask Fred, taking a few deep breaths and he raises his brows. 

"They just got here today, Viv, there's no way in hell that kid's biting the hand that's feeding him, over you, without there being a damn good reason." He states and I sigh, only causing him to nod his head. "That's what I thought. Does Sixx know?"

My eyes widen as I glare at him as if he's crazy. 

"Is Nikki acting like he knows?" I sarcastically say and Fred crosses his arms. "No." I add, deciding now is not the time for sarcasm. "No, Nikki doesn't know...I mean, we haven't been seeing each other, really. We've only hooked up one time." I try to reason.

"When?"

"When we went on break in September for a few days." I explain, fumbling with my fingers. 

"What, you got a hotel room or something?" He presses and I apparently give away what happened because his eyes are going to the size of saucers and he's raising his eyebrows. 

"Fred," I start.

"You fucked another man in Sixx's house?" He asks me in shock that I had the audacity to do such a thing. 

"He slept with Vanity in our house, so why not?" 

"Yes, because the way to put a fire out is to start a completely different fire!" He raises his voice. 

"Shh!" I put my hand over his mouth. "If anyone finds out about this, I'm done with, and so is Guns N' Roses." I hiss at him. 

"Highly doubt Duff's waking up after a night of plowing you like a field, thinking about his career, or else he wouldn't be sleeping with you in the first place." Fred says back quietly. "And you, what the fuck are you doing? Are you insane? If you get caught you're done for." 

"I know." 

"Then why're you letting it happen?" 

"I don't know, alright? I just…" I let out a breath and think for a moment. 

"Do you like, love him or something?"

"No, of course not." I insist. "Well, I love him, but not like in love with him." 

"Do you love Nikki?" 

"It doesn't matter if I do or not. We're over with once the tour is done." 

"You've both completely annihilated your vows, Vivian, I think it's safe to say you two have been over." He replies and I don't answer, ignoring that realization. 

I continued to ignore that realization until Nikki served me divorce papers once he got out of the hospital after he overdosed.

I try to hold back a laugh as Donna politely rejects Steven for the umpteenth time since he met her, and he pouts at me as she walks away.

“Viv, I’m going crazy.” He tells me. “I’m losing the charm, I think.”

“Oh, c’mon, Stevie, you aren’t losing the charm. Donna’s just a hard nut to crack because she and Emi have been put on a ‘don’t sleep with the opening band’ order.” I suggest and he maintains his let down facial expression. “And Emi and Mick are already a thing and catch hell for it, so Donna’s more than likely not wanting to be in the same predicament.”

“This is so unfair.” He crosses his arms.

“Just hook up with groupies.” I shrug.

“I’m trying but they’re all leftovers from what Tommy, Vince and Nikk--” He abruptly stops speaking and I raise my brows.

“What was that?” I ask him.

“Nothing…” He mumbles.

“I already thought Nikki was hooking up with groupies, but thank you for confirming it.”

“Well,” He starts, glancing around to make sure the coast is clear before he’s pointing out, “you’re hooking up with someone else, too, so does it matter?”

He’s got a valid point and I raise my brows, deciding I can’t argue with that.

“No.” I say quietly. “I suppose it doesn’t.”

The guys are getting off stage soon enough, being brought back down from hyperventilation before starting in for tonight’s plans.

“Strip club.” Tommy and Vince say simultaneously.

“Stevie, you comin’ with?” Tommy offers  and Steven glances at me as if asking for permission although I honestly don’t care if he hangs out with them or not.

I’m just waiting for Duff to finish up his conversation with Axl and Izzy in their dressing room.

“Mick, you wanna come?” Tommy asks next, resulting in Mick glancing at Emi.

She shakes her head a little bit, barely noticeable. Barely.

Nikki lets out a shiteating laugh and I prepare for what’s about to happen.

“Nikki, lay off--”

“--Tommy, you shouldn’t have asked. You know Mick can’t take his mouth away from Emi’s teat long enough to make his own big boy decisions.” Vince and Tommy laugh at Nikki’s words, while Mick just lets out a heavy sigh and looks down at the ground not wanting to argue.

“Okay, Nikki, seriously, stop.” I state, glaring at him.

“Okay, Vivian, seriously, mind your own fucking business and stop being such a--”

“--Hey, everybody shut it.” Fred pops his head in, hearing an argument about to start. “Guns is riding back to the hotel with us, their ride has a flat.” He adds.

"Whoo!" Steven cheers, high-fiving Tommy.

I slip past Fred to see Axl and Duff waiting for us to get ready to go.

"Where's Slash?" I ask them, furrowing my brows a little. 

He's soon enough stumbling from the bathroom, wiping vomit from his mouth, causing me to wrinkle my nose as he mutters, "I'm right here." 

Slash was Nikki's trouble-buddy on the tour. They'd stay at the hotel bar until it closed nearly every night before hitting the town. Most of the time Tommy and Steven would tag along or split and go do something else of their own. 

Axl never really bonded with the guys as much as Izzy, Duff, Slash, and Stevie did, but everyone got along and considered each other good friends. 

Crazy how things would take a turn a couple years later.

We all wait patiently to file into the bus one by one and, of course, Vince and Tommy have girls with them while Nikki seems satisfied by just having a conversation with Slash and Izzy.

I catch myself looking for Tansy and Sparkie...until I remember they left to go score. 

All is well until Mick says something to Emi and she giggles like a school girl with a crush, and I can see Nikki's face getting red with anger as she's about to step ahead of Mick onto the bus. 

Nikki's plucking Slash's Jack bottle from his hand and pours the whiskey down Emi's jacket. 

She gasps, stopping in her tracks, horror on her face as she turns around to face him. 

"Nikki, what the hell is wrong with you?!" I demand. 

"Oops." Nikki slickly smirks, handing the now empty bottle back to Slash, who--like everyone else--is at a loss for words as Nikki cuts in line and gets on the bus before Emi can recover. 

I look at Duff, trying not to get overwhelmed with anger. 

He shrugs his jacket off, preparing to offer it to Emi so she doesn't have to wear her wet jacket. 

"Here, you can borrow mine." He tells her and she looks at him a second, tears in her eyes as Tommy, Vince, and their groupies walk around her to get inside. 

"Thanks." She mumbles, taking her wet jacket off and slipping on Duff's warm, dry one. 

"That wasn't cool." Steven mumbles about Nikki when we get on the bus, seeing him and Tommy laughing obnoxiously while Emi and Mick sit as far away as possible. 

I'm about to plop down beside Steven when I see Nikki whisper something to Tommy a couple seats ahead of us.

He smiles deviously at whatever Nikki just told him, before he's drinking a gulp of Jack and keeping it in his mouth, only to stand up, walk to the back seats, and spit it on Emi and Mick.

Nikki ruptures into sick laughter with Tommy, and I've had enough. 

I glance down at Steven's skull ring and take advantage of him not paying attention, to take it off of him, quickly. 

"Viv, what're you--"

I don't give him the time to finish his question before I've got the ring on, and I'm standing up as Tommy comes back by, punching him--his skin splitting where the heavy ring made contact.

I can tell he’s seeing red, I don’t help much when I sarcastically add, “oops.”

Everyone’s struggling to get as apart before he can slap me, Steven letting out a high-pitched scream when Tommy tries to bombard over him to get to me after Stevie pushes me on the other side of him.

Duff and Nikki get Tommy off of me and Steven, a trail of blood running down my friend’s cheek.

“Get her off my fucking bus!” Tommy demands at Fred once he comes back here to settle everyone off while Doc is behind the wheel.

“I wish someone would try to kick me off.” I threaten, knowing they wouldn’t get my ass off the bus without getting mauled first.

“Why the fuck can’t you take a fucking joke without being a fucking psychopath?!” Tommy asks me, yelling.

“You spitting a drink on them isn’t a fucking joke, just like Nikki pouring alcohol all over her isn’t a fucking joke!” I hiss back.

“If it bothered her, she would fucking speak up, Vivian, you’re not Jesus--stop trying to save everybody!” He sneers.

“She can’t speak up for herself because you assholes would try to fucking fire her!”

“And that’s none of your business if we did!”

“Both of you, shut the fuck up and calm do--”

“--I’m not calming down until you get that crazy bitch off this fucking bus.” Tommy interrupts Fred.

“Tommy, we’re not kicking her off the bus, now sit down!” Fred insists.

“You don’t have to kick me out, I’m gone.” I state, grabbing my purse, stepping over Steven’s legs to get in the aisle.

“Vivian, sit down!” Nikki orders me where he’s now standing, and I scoff in his face and shove past him.

“Vivian, please, don’t go anywhere.” Fred pleads, tired, and just wanting everyone to behave.

“I’d rather burn for an eternity than spend another minute on this bus with such sad, disgusting, strung out, drunk, bitter people!” I shout, walking to the door.

I hear several steps behind me, and I think it’s Nikki and Fred stomping after me, but I turn to see Axl, Izzy, Duff, and Steven following after me.

Slash is already passed out, oblivious to what’s been happening.

“K.” I say to Doc as he glances at me and sighs out. “Can you stop the bus and open this door?”

I thought we would get off that bus and walk to the hotel in peace, but turns out I left one fight and got into another one.

“You didn’t have to follow me, Axl, alright? I didn’t ask you to so there was no reason for you to come out here with me!” I tell him after he makes a comment about me getting them in trouble, possibly.

“No, I didn’t have to, but you’re my friend and I didn’t want you to be out here by yourself, even though you wouldn’t have to be if you would have just taken a breath and let it go instead of starting a fight, as usual!”

“We’re in Alabama, Axl! It’s not like I’m gonna get kidnapped--nobody wants to fuck me down here because I’m not related to any of them!”

“Both of you are overreacting! Vivian, you shouldn’t have punched Tommy but I understand why you did! Axl, we’re not gonna get in trouble or kicked off the tour for making sure Nikki’s wife doesn’t get snatched up! Now, can we please go to the hotel so I can get ready and go out and get some chicks of my own because I’m tired of sloppy seconds!” Steven outbursts.

Me and Axl look at each other, knowing we’re arguing over something deeper than just him getting off the bus for me.

"Axl, this is not what it looks like, alright?” Duff camly says as we get covered up.

“Not what it looks like?! Do you think I’m fucking blind, Duff, what the fuck are you thinking?! Oh, wait, sorry, you’re not!” He explodes, his face bright red.

“Axl, can you please just let us explai--”

“--You shut up, Viv! I don’t wanna hear another damn thing from you because you just proved to me you could give a fuck about our band.” He points at me. “And what you--all of us--have busted our fucking balls for is about to be completely undone over some fucking pussy?! Are you fucking me right now?!” He says to Duff.

“It’s not just ‘some pussy’, Axl.” Duff states, getting defensive.

“I swear to fucking God, Duff, if you say ‘I love her’ I’m going to--”

“--I do love her.” Duff interrupts him, and Axl’s throwing one of his rings at the wall, causing it to hit a decorative painting, breaking the glass in the photo frame, causing me to jolt a little.

“Axl, c’mon, now it could be worse.” Izzy steps into the room, sitting down on the bed next to us, rubbing his forehead.

“Could be worse? These guys--her fucking husband, Nikki Sixx, yeah, you fucking remember him--are giving us a fucking shot on this tour. And the first fucking night in…” He trails off, at a loss for words, clenching his jaw and rubbing at his face.

“It wasn’t just tonight.” I start, waiting for Axl to look at me as Duff lets out a ragged breath, waiting for Axl to scream again. “It happened back in September, too.”

“You sound awfully proud of that, Viv, you really do. Cheating on Nikki--”

“--He cheated first, Axl. And then you all hid it from me.” I snap.

“I don’t care if you fucking cheat back, Vivian, but out of all the fucking people there is to get your revenge fuck in with, you choose somebody in our band--who’s friends with the band Nikki’s in. That’s what I don’t fucking like. But hey, if you wanna go down as the whore who wrecked Guns N’ Roses’ shot, then go ahead, but if we get kicked off this tour because of you, Nikki will be the least of your worries.”

“You don’t know what I’ve been through, Axl, you don’t know the living hell I’ve been enduring for three years of my relationship, you don’t know.”

“That’s not my fault when you could’ve left him then. But you stayed and now you’re putting our necks at risk just so you can get your fucking rocks off.”

“He and I are getting divorced anyway so what the hell does it matter?”

“It’s my fucking band!” He insists. “It’s our fucking career, our fucking music, our fucking dream, all on the line over you! And if Nikki finds out, he’s not gonna be going through the technicalities of ‘well, we’re getting divorced anyway so it doesn’t matter’, he’s just gonna think of his wife getting screwed by one of his friends whose band he’s given a chance! That’s why it fucking matters!”

“Hey, this isn’t her fault, man, alright?!” Duff jumps in. “If you wanna blame someone, blame me, it’s my fault anyway! I’m the one who told her how I felt about her when she was vulnerable and shit happened!”

“Fine.” Axl says, exhaling.

“Sorry for fighting.” I mumble.

We finally get back to the hotel in an hour, managing to dodge seeing any of the guys, Fred, or Doc when we get in.

Once Duff and I are back in his room, he’s getting out of my shower while I'm aimlessly flipping through TV channels, trying to find something to watch. 

"Hey, Viv?" I hear him call and I put the remote down and step to him, leaning against the bathroom door, nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips. 

"What's up?" I ask and he looks at me. 

"I forgot my hairbrush." He tells me and I smile a little before stepping to my suitcase to grab mine while he finishes drying off and pulls his boxer shorts on, stepping into the room. "Thanks." He says when I hand it to him and he roughly goes through the strands of his hair, making me cringe. 

"Don't be so mean to your hair, Duff, geez." I comment, taking the brush from him, sitting on the bed. "C'mere." I motion him over and he playfully rolls his eyes and sits in front of me while I stand on my knees at his back and gently brush through his bleached tresses. "You need to start using more conditioner." I tell him.

"That's what Stevie tells me when he sees me struggling with it." He informs me with a chuckle. 

When I'm done, I'm putting my brush back in my bag and getting into bed, under the covers. 

"I'm sorry if this is a let down but I'm too tired to finish what we started earlier." I admit to him as he gets into bed with me and shuts the light off. 

"Tell me about it." He replies, his hand gently playing with the red strands of my hair strewn across my pillow. "And it's not a let down. Just laying in the same bed as you is well over good enough." He assures me and I look at him, smiling. 

I scoot a little closer to him, my arm wrapping around his waist, my lips kissing at his for a brief second as his arm snakes around me. 

"Goodnight, Duff." I say quietly. 

"G'night, Viv." He tells me, and for the first time in months, I sleep through the night, completely. 

I sleep through the entire day, waking up to the feeling of lips kissing up my neck, Duff’s soft hair brushing against my skin and I hum.

“What time is it?” I ask him, stretching, smiling softly as he kisses at my cheek next.

“Five o’clock.” He replies, moving to get off of me, but I wrap my legs around his hips and stop him.

“What time do we have to leave here for the show?”

“It’s an off day, remember?” He reminds me and I raise a brow.

“Oh, it is. I forgot.” I admit.

“Well, you have been asleep the whole day, so.” He brushes some of my hair from my face.

“Wanna get some room service tonight?” I offer. 

"Me and the guys were gonna hangout tonight." He explains. "But Steven already said I needed to bring you." He adds. "So if you wanna come, you can."

"Okay." I nod, rubbing my lips together. "Have you seen Nikki today?"

"He and Tommy were by the pool with Tansy and Sparkie earlier." 

"Is Tommy's cheek okay?"

"It's bruised, but I don't think it'll scar where Steven's ring got him." 

"Ughh, I'm gonna have to apologize to him for that." I mumble, looking at the ceiling. "I just wish him and Nikki would just leave Emi and Mick alone. I mean, you can't help who you like, you know?" 

"Talk to Nikki and Tommy about it." Duff suggests. 

"They'll laugh in my face if I say, 'you can't help who you like'." I state. 

"...Yeah, maybe don't say anything." He agrees after thinking on it for a moment. 

"Yeah." I giggle, kissing his cheek. "Alright, you're free." I release my legs from his waist so he can get up. "I gotta shower and get ready and I'll meet you guys. Who's room do I need to go to?"

"Probably Stevie's." He tells me, getting up. 

"Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes." I reply, getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom. 

He stops me before I can close the bathroom door, about to kiss me. 

"Babe, my breath." I lean back to avoid embarrassment. 

"I don't care." He states, pressing his lips to mine chastely. "See you in a few." He says before walking out. 

Once I get a shower and get clothes on, skipping out on doing my hair and makeup because these guys saw me look like hell for weeks when Nikki and I took those couple months apart, before I head down to Steven's room. 

When I go to knock on the door, it's cracked open already, and I peek inside to see he and the guys are nowhere around. 

"Oh-kay." I mumble, stepping inside to see if there's any sign they'll be back, like room keys, or shoes, or jackets. 

Nothing. 

I turn on my heel and head to the door when something appealing catches my eye. 

A ziplock of brownies. 

My stomach growls, and I realize I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday morning. 

"Just one won't hurt anything." I say to myself. 

Fifteen minutes and five brownies later, I'm not even hungry for actual dinner. 

I put the bag back where I got it and head downstairs to see Steven, Axl, Izzy, Duff, Slash, Nikki and Tommy at the bar. 

I don't give Tommy or Nikki a second glance before sitting next to Steven and Duff. 

"You drinking?" Izzy asks me, amused I'm sitting at the "big boy" table. 

"No." I reply. 

"You want food?" Duff asks me.

"Nah, I'm full on brownies." I explain and Slash and Steven suddenly stop dead in their tracks, mid-drink, before looking down the bar at each other, and then to me. 

"On what?" Slash asks me, cautiously. 

"She said, 'brownies'." Axl tells him. 

"Oh...from where?" Steven asks me and I furrow my brows. 

"Your room, why?" 

"Oh, okay...um, hey, I think I forgot my rubbers in my room." Steven gets off the barstool. "Slash, you wanna come with me?" 

"Nah, man, I'm--" Steven's pulling him off the stool by the back of his jacket, the two of them walking quickly to the elevator. 

Me and Duff exchange glances and follow after them, Duff's hand keeping the elevator doors from closing at the last second. 

Steven looks pained when we step in with them, eyeing the two of them. 

"What's going on?" Duff asks them, casually, wanting to get to the bottom of it. 

"Nothing." Stevie denies, shaking his head a little. 

"Steven, be honest." I add and he shrugs. 

"Nothing's going on." He says, matter-of-fact.

"Stevie--"

I'm cut off when the doors open on our floor and Steven takes off to his room, getting the door unlocked, heading to the bag of brownies with Slash on his heels. 

"Steven, what's wrong?" I ask when me and Duff catch up. 

"Oh, no." He lets out, slightly panicked. "Oh, no, no. Not good. Oh, God. Oh, I'm gonna be sick." He runs his fingers through this blonde hair. 

"Steven, what is it?" Duff asks him next. 

"She ate, like, five!" Steven explains. 

"I can get you some more brownies, Steven, it's okay." I chuckle. 

Duff looks at the brownies, then and Slash and Steven, then back at the brownies, then at me, then back at the brownies…

"Were these…? Duff asks them, raising his brows. 

"Uh huh." Steven winces out and Duff's eyes widen. 

"A-And she ate five?" 

"Yeah." 

"How much was in them?" 

"Well...there was like ten in each brownie and she had five so--"

"--You gave her fifty milligrams of weed brownies?!" 

"Of what?!" I ask.

"I didn't give them to her, she ate them herself!" Steven points out. 

"Oh, no." I say aloud.

"Oh, no" was right.

[fujosh1dreamer]

Alright it's time for more of my controversial opinions on the she Ra finally, as some might know I didn't like it too much. To clarify I thought it started out really well at first and I was really excited to see where it would go, but by like episode 5 or whatever I just knew. It was sort of anticlimatic if I'm honest, and I have a few honest criticisms. Now I'm not gonna go through all these now, I'm actually just gonna focus on what I considered to be the biggest problem of season 5 and honestly the whole show.

Before I get into it this is just my honest opinions and if I hated the show I wouldn't have kept up with all the season and been a fan. I love she Ra and I really wanted to love season 5 I just couldn't. That's not to say it was bad, there was a lot of good stuff.

Also, also I am going to be talking about Catra and adora and their relationship. I'm not an anti or anything it's just a few comments about the execution. This is about Catra as a whole not just this one ship.

Let's begin: Catra has always been a well liked but controversial character back in seasons 1 and 2 her actions were fine, while harsh she was at least understandable to an extent. Most people who liked her wanted to she her growth and redemption. Me on the other hand I've never been a fan personally but I didn't mind her too much early on. Later, however is where the problems come into play.

In order for season 5 to have worked Catra needed to be properly redeemed because she's done some awful crap. And to make my case I'll list off a few things she's done: actively attacked adora and her friends on multiple occasions, took enjoyment out of hurting others and seeing the horde take over, stabbed entrapta in the back literally, threatened scorpia, and opened the portal.

Now I know what you're thinking, yes we know this, so what she's better now in season 5 she's redeemed herself. Yes at the end of season 5 Catra is redeemed but the question is how? And why?

Catra and her redemption story has been compared to zuko and his story. Which I think is a little unfair because it's just not on the same level. Don't get me wrong compared to other redemption attempts it's definitely a win. I don't wanna compare these two it's not necessary people learn and grow in different ways.

I didn't like Catra's redemption because it felt too easy. It didn't hurt and because it wasn't painful it didn't feel earned. However people who talked about Catra and season 5 talked about it making them cry and honesty it only made me tear up one and it wasn't ever in a scene about Catra or adora, or even glimmer. It was when entrapta was talking to mermista and she realized that everyone was mad at her. So maybe my emotions are just shot, or something.

Despite not like season 5 all that much I did however like Catra this season. I've never liked Catra, I liked her momentarily in season 3 before she started making horrible decision, but other than that I didn't like her. So in season 5 Catra was well written. And it's because of character interaction.

Something spop has always done well is showing us how characters interact and what their dynamic is which makes scenes more interesting and how Catra talked with everyone was great it felt natural, almost too natural. I get that our heroes are supposed to be forgiving they're heroes but it's one thing to forgive and another thing to forget completely. There are only two times Catra really gets called out for her previous actions. The first is when frosta bless her heart, punches Catra right on the face and this scene is played off for laughs because Catra brushes off the punch and also frosta apologizes because she didn't realize Catra is on their side now. They all just too adora's word about Catra being good now. Then she's confronted again by perfuma who's just upset about how she treated scorpia. Which was bad we'll talk about that later but she's done so many other things to get mad over. Like anyone remember when mermista's home got taken over Catra pratically led that siege, mermista was heartbroken she lost her home.

So that's issue one how she integrates easily into being friends with everyone else.

Next is...

Oof, let's talk about Glimmer and Catra. Them being stuck together was interesting because their situation helped them both grow and tested their resolve which is great. Their relationship is really well written. We just have one small, tiny problem... Catra killed glimmers mom!!!

Are we just never gonna talk about that I mean the opening of the portal in season 3 and the death of Angella are two really big issue because they're the point of no return for Catra and Glimmer.

Catra actively opening the portal to spite adora and potentially destroy the planet turned Catra from a simple kid making mistakes because of her circumstances to someone who genuinely doesn't care about the suffering and potential death of others as long as she can prove a point. It made her a real threat and a potential villain.

Angellas death made glimmer queen and it also made her cold and willing to seek vengeance despite them being the good guys. She was willing to take matters into her own hands even if it meant going a little too far. Both of these characters changed in season 3 and those continued into season 4.

So if these events had such a great impact why aren't they brought up??? Simple because we need a happy ending and that can't happen if we're talking about dead parents.

Out of all the people that Catra apologised to shouldn't glimmer be first on that list. Doesn't she deserve at least that much.

My next point and the one I'm probably most bitter about is Catra and scorpia.

It's safe to say their relationship has always been a little weird. In the very beginning of seems very one sided with Scorpia hanging onto catra's every word. Then with time we see that Catra does actually care about scorpia she just doesn't like to show it. Which is fine until you guessed it season 3 where Catra's character really falls down to the point of no return.

So let's recap throughout season 3 while Catra and scorpia were together you could see the beginning of something and honesty it was pretty cute. Then the ending happened and Catra attacks entrapta and threatened to do the same to scorpia and suddenly everything was broken. All throughout season 4 we see nothing but hurtful words from Catra towards everyone but especially scorpia who's just being loyal. Finally scorpia gets tired and she basically puts Catra through one more test involving Emily before deciding to leave.

This relationship was the one I was really looking forward to seeing in season 5, but all we get is one small apology in the last episode and that's it.

Throughout this season they pratically had scorpia and Catra forget about each other completely.

When scorpia left the horde she did it because she felt she had to in order to both save entrapta and Emily. She wasn't fully okay with her decision until she met the other princesses and realized they're nothing like the horde. Still she never forgot about Catra because scorpia's whole thing is loyalty so how did she just get over her feelings for Catra especially when doesn't know where she is and hasn't heard anything about her. I know the situation was dangerous but still.

It was all pretty upsetting. Moving on...

In my final moments I wanna talk about catradora and also a little about shadoweaver.

Shadoweaver died and well... I expected that you really can't redeem her. It's not impossible but no one would ever accept it because people can't really change and nothing can ever make up for the mistakes she made in the past and the way she manipulated people. It's weird how I can't tell of I'm talking about shadoweaver or Catra anymore. They did a lot of the same things and yet... Catra is never really blamed for anything. Same with Hordak the fandom blames him for crap all the time but when Catra hurts people it's okay. Shadoweaver and Hordak are different cases they're older than her, well let's compare glimmer in season 4 grieving over her mother and making mistakes and everyone getting mad and expecting her to be held accountable, why is there such a double standard for Catra???

Anywho Catra and Adora's relationship is apparently the only thing everyone cared about will they be together??? After season 3 the chances were very small, but guess what they ended up together. Honestly when I say I get a little annoyed around episode 5 it's because they made it really obvious they're gonna end up together happily ever after style. Honestly I don't have the energy after this long post to criticize it. I just wish it was a little more tactful in the beginning and less blatantly obvious. But whatever!!!

[plasticnightmaredoll]

I thought I'd make some comments about the first episode of "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier," kind of in the same way I made a post about my thoughts on the "WandaVision" season finale. I don't plan on doing a post with my thoughts, opinions, and theories for EVERY episode of TFatWS because a) I don't have that kind of time or patience, b) Things are probably going to change left and right as the series progresses, just like in "WandaVision" so I don't see a need to document all of this, c) I ramble enough as it is lol

Of course, there are spoilers under the cut, so if you haven't seen the first episode, then I suggest you...don't look under the cut! If you have seen the episode and just want to see what another MCU/Marvel fan thinks, or if you don't care about spoilers, then have at it.

I will say that the first episode of "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier" (I'm going to refer to it as TFatWS from now on because that title is long af) was good and brought forth lots of mystery and intrigue, but it didn't grab my attention quite as much as the first episode of "WandaVision." But this may be due to the fact that WV was just so bizarre right from the start, and there were tons of questions right out the door. So, the mystery (and confusion) was more intense than for TFatWS.

I still plan on finishing TFatWS, but I hope it picks up a little more in the next episodes.

Another thing I will mention that's really not much of a spoiler: Poor Bucky! Just like Wanda, he needs a damn break already 😭

And lastly, I haven't read any Marvel comics because I just don't have the time, energy, patience, sanity right now to devote to them. That, and I have always preferred manga (Berserk is still my favorite manga/graphic novel of all time. Hell, it's my favorite fictional story of all time! And the 90s anime is one of my favorite series ever). My Marvel knowledge is heavily based on what the MCU has provided, but I do know things that happen in the comics because I do read up on various comparisons between the comics and the MCU entries and people's theories based on the comics. So, I'm not completely clueless.

Ok, spoiler time!

I don't really have a list of things I liked and disliked for this first episode of TFatWS because it's just way too early for that kind of stuff, and who knows where the series is going to go from here. I'll just make a list of thoughts and opinions:

James "Bucky" Barnes/The Winter Soldier

POOR BUCKY! I mean, goddamn, this man can't get a break. We see just how much his time as a Hydra agent affected him, causing him to have nightmares about those he killed while brainwashed. He's closed himself off from others because he's depressed, burdened with immense guilt, and probably feels like he's not worth helping at this point.

I also like how we got to see just how negatively he was affected by being at war for so long. He'd be put into hibernation by Hydra, and awoke every time to go kill some people. Rinse and repeat. That was his life, which isn't much of a life if you ask me. The same happened when he was freed from their control and while it's understandable why he had to fight in "Infinity War" and "Endgame," it was clearly a lot for him to handle. He didn't get a lot of peace, and even now that things have settled, he still has no peace.

At first, I was wondering why Bucky was going out of his way to befriend his elderly neighbor, Mr. Nakashima since he wasn't associating with anyone else, not even Sam. Then we find out that Bucky was the one who murdered the old man's son why under Hydra control. He can't bring himself to tell Mr. Nakashima because it's too painful and he's too ashamed. He's trying to prepare for it, I suppose, by befriending the man, but at the same time, I don't think it's going to be less unpleasant to deliver the news.

I literally felt heartbroken for Bucky when I realized that he had killed Mr. Nakashima's son. Like, omfg, Bucky, this poor guy...he has to live with these painful memories of things he was forced to do and it's depressing to witness.

I know it seems weird that no one recognizes who Bucky is, but I have a theory on that: Those that do are people who actually know him or those who have seen his face at the Smithsonian. Those who don't recognize him may never have been to the museum or simply didn't remember his face. I mean, Captain America was the main focus of the exhibit, and he was in the public eye all the time, so Bucky could easily be forgotten. Also, after the Blip, people clearly have had a lot to deal with after being missing for several years while the rest of the world put itself back together. Bucky is the least of their concerns.

Sam Wilson/Falcon

Sam, our good boy Sam. I was expecting him to keep Captain America's shield, even if he didn't use it right away. I mean, I know in "Endgame" he said it feels like it belongs to someone else, but I thought he'd change his mind and keep it. But he ends up donating it to the Captain America exhibit, which was unfortunate. I mean, I understand why, and I thought, "Well, he can just go grab it later" but then...well, that's going to be discussed later.

I was glad Sam kept trying to reach out to Bucky despite how things seemed very tense between them before. I can understand why he didn't just visit in person because that would have overwhelmed Bucky. I am suffering from severe depression and I know how difficult it can be to have a surprise guest attempt to make chit chat. Not fun.

We find out how Sam's sister has been trying to make ends meet during the Blip. Things aren't going well financially for her, and she is considering selling their father's boat to bring in some much-needed funds. Sam tries to help by convincing her to go to a bank and take out a loan. He hopes that his status could help influence the bank's decision as well.

But that isn't in the cards. The bank can't approve the loan because now there are regulations post-Blip regarding such matters. Not even Sam's status as Falcon -- an AVENGER -- amounts to much. Then the accountant awkwardly behaved like a fanboy during the whole meeting, even going so far as to ask for a selfie from Sam during the most inconvenient moment. This scene shows, to me, that being an Avenger doesn't change everything, yet, they're still famous and loved (for the most part). It's a strange feeling: "We love you guys for all you've done, but yeah, we can't really help you out."

I'm glad Marvel is choosing to show the negative effects of the Blip. It's great everyone returned but...everyone literally popped back into existence. We saw some of this chaos in "WandaVision," and we're seeing more in TFatWS. It's a realistic approach because, like, yeah, people being gone for several years, presumed forever missing then suddenly reappearing out of thin air is pretty extreme. Not to mention, those who returned didn't always find their loved ones and friends waiting for them (i.e. Monica's mother died during the Blip)

Flag Smasher

Not much to say here other than we have a new villain to watch out for who clearly has superhuman abilities. The cause that his group stands for threatens to make things even worse post-Blip than they already are, and geez, give people a break already! But you always have fanatics that will terrorize others for a cause.

Captain America 2.0

Who is this random white boy and why is he the new Captain America? I know who he is from the comics but that doesn't make it any better. It just makes it worse! This guy's going to be a disaster, clearly.

Sam realized at that moment he fucked up by giving the shield away, but this can only mean he'll find a way to retrieve and -- hopefully -- take up the Captain America mantle. Captain Falcon? Captain America Falcon? Captain Falcon America? I suppose you can have fun with that.

[misssophiachase]

not sure if you're still taking prompts but if you are, can i request a human klaroline drabble based off of "oops" by little mix? like a friends with benefits but we realize we're something more?

Thanks for the awesome prompt nonnie, think this is one of my new favourite songs! Also it’s a little different but the concept is still basically the same. I hope you like it! All lyrics in bold italics are by Little Mix and Charlie Puth (a little altered to suit the story).

Oops!

“Oops, my baby, I woke up in your bed”

Caroline’s eyes darted around the room trying to gain her bearings, this certainly wasn’t her bedroom. Enzo St John’s 18th birthday had been massive, no surprises at all given the organiser. Katherine had thrown him a surprise pool party at her house while her parents were away in Washington DC and all Caroline remembered was a lot of tequila, a lot of swimming and a lot of dancing on the dining room table. She just hoped it was still standing after all the weight it had endured during the night.

Sleeping with someone didn’t quite fit in with all those memories. Sure, her and Tyler had been messing around a bit but this definitely wasn’t his room. For some reason though it was a little familiar, especially those sketches on the wall in particular. Caroline felt her blood go cold at her delayed realisation, it couldn’t be him, right?

She turned over reluctantly, her eyes finally resting on the guy sleeping next to her. As far as possible options could go he was probably the worst. Not looks wise; this guy could be an Abercrombie and Fitch model with that curly, blonde hair and those crimson lips. But when it came to the worst people you could sleep with, your best friend’s brother was at the top of that list.

She pulled the sheet closer around her naked body self consciously, accidentally rousing him from sleep. She watched as those dark, blue eyes fluttered open and a pair of rogue dimples appeared out of nowhere as his gaze met hers, his dark, blonde hair adorably rumpled.

“Do you always watch people sleeping? I mean it’s a little creepy don’t you think, love?” He asked, his voice full of sleep.

“If you must know I was laying here commiserating over my choice of bedmate,” she growled. “I know you’ve always had a thing for me but really Klaus.”

“Says the girl who couldn’t keep her hands off me last night.”

“I’m blaming it on the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed,” she shot back, trying to ignore just how sexy his unkempt stubble looked at this time of the morning. “Trust me, if we were sober this would’ve never happened, I do have my standards after all.”

“That’s not what you were saying last night,” he smirked. “In fact you were revelling in my standardless company. I seem to recall a few cries of pleasure along the lines of…”

“I don’t need a recap,” she scowled, interrupting him. “I just need some caffeine and a hot shower and to forget this ever happened.”

“I’d be more than happy to scrub your back, you know get to all those hard to reach places.”

“Get out!”

“Last time I checked this was my bedroom, love,” he replied, gruffly. Of course it was, typical. “Looks like it’s time to do the walk of shame, door’s just over there. Although you might want to watch out for Rebekah, she’s usually leaving for yoga at this time on a Saturday morning.”

“Don’t call me love,” she muttered, placing her head in her hands in frustration. “Of all people why do you have to be a Mikaelson?”

“Unfortunate turn of events, trust me,” he said, knowingly as he propped his head up on his elbow and trained his gaze on her. “Usually my one-night-stands don’t talk this much the following morning. If I knew you were going to be this chatty, I might have reconsidered my decision.”

“Charming, Mikaelson,” she muttered while pulling off the sheet completely, wrapping it around her body and madly hunting for her discarded clothing. She was also trying to ignore the fact that he was now very naked sans covers. “Remind me not to have the pleasure of your company ever again.”

“Ditto, love.”

She chose not to respond, taking her pieces of clothing into the connected bathroom and slamming the door shut. It was probably the quickest she’d ever dressed, desperate to get out of this ridiculously awkward situation as soon as possible. It’s not like she didn’t find him attractive, in fact she’d found herself day dreaming about her best friend’s brother sometimes but knew nothing good could ever come of it, especially given what a known womaniser he was.

She consulted her dishevelled appearance in the mirror briefly. Her blonde waves were messy and obviously knotted, her creamy skin flushed and she had a telling trail of mascara under her left eye. Classy. As soon as she’d managed to make the best of her appearance, Caroline emerged from his bathroom. If this was some stranger then her exit would have been a lot simpler. Unfortunately a few stray memories from their night together came rushing back causing some unexpected shivers which were threatening to break her resolve.

It was a mad frenzy; clothes discarded at a rapid pace, tangled, sweaty limbs, mouths exploring and moaning against every inch of bare skin. He certaintly had talents, not that she’d ever admit it to him of course.

“I’m impressed, most girls I know spend at least a good few hours in the bathroom.”

“Well, I’m not like most girls you know, Mikaelson,” she growled, heading towards the window and opening it. The last thing she wanted to do was get caught by Rebekah or Kol for that matter so this seemed like the only escape.

“That much is true,” he agreed, his eyes flickering admiringly over her body encased in a fitted black dress. “I might even be open to another tryst if you’re lucky.”

“You wish,” she muttered, straddling the window sill and climbing out onto a nearby tree branch. If she’d known she was going to be scaling trees she definitely would have dressed more appropriately. Caroline had many regrets but she didn’t want to add getting caught out sleeping with her best friend’s brother to that list. The quicker she got out of there and showered her sins away the sooner she could forget what she’d done.

“Oops, we broke up, we’re better off as friends”

“You know, I’m really getting sick of your post mortem analysis, love.” Klaus groaned. “I understand once could be considered a stupid mistake but how do you explain ten times? Actually no, I was a little drunk a few of those times, make it at least a dozen.”

“Why do you always feel the need to revell in my misfortune, Mikaelson?”

“If it really was misfortune I’m surprised you’d come back so many times for more,” Klaus drawled. “I suppose I should get dressed before you kick me out in a raging fit of denial, yet again.”

“At least you catch on quickly,” she mumbled, throwing his shirt directly at his head. “This can’t happen ever again.”

“Exactly what you said the previous eleven times,” he joked, not missing just how hungrily her eyes devoured his bare chest in the meantime.

“I mean it this time.”

“Well, here’s a little hint for you,” he offered, placing his top over his head. “Don’t ogle me while you say it, I’d actually believe it if you refrained from checking me out.” She rolled her eyes at his usual lack of modesty. “Anyway, what’s wrong with a little harmless fun?��� It certainly was fun, Caroline cast her mind back to the night before.

His teeth grazing and nibbling at her skin, his fingers massaging her silky folds as he did it. Caroline bucking her hips feeling all control slip away but not minding because she knew just how spectacularly it would end, it always did. Not that she’d ever admit that to him of course.

“You’re arrogant, annoying and smug. Oh and Rebekah’s brother,” she answered, by way of explanation.

“You really need to stop with all the compliments, love, you’ll give me a big head. Well, besides that unfortunate mention of my brotherly connection to Rebekah.”

“Too late for that and what have I told you about calling me love,” she muttered.

“I know how much it annoys you.”

“Of course,” she hissed. “So, what exactly are you still doing in my bed?”

“No need to get your panties in a twist, love,” he answered. “Oh, hang on that was me last night.”

“You are hilarious.”

“And here I thought you only liked me for my body.”

“Oh just please get out, there’s only so much I can take of your over-inflated ego and it’s stifling what available oxygen I have left.”

“Always so bloody dramatic,” he quipped, rolling out of bed. “So, should we just organise our next rendezvous or are you going to continue to live in complete denial that this will never happen again?”

“It won’t’ she promised. “Whatever this weird, messed-up thing is ends now.”

“Fine with me,” he replied, nonchalantly as he sauntered towards the door. “I have better things to do with my time anyway.”

“Now I accidentally need you, I don’t know what to do”

Caroline was extremely frustrated, that much she knew. When she’d insisted it was their last time together, she hadn’t expected Klaus to agree. After all she’d been saying it for months but he still entertained whatever was going on between them. She’d suffered through a number of inane holiday parties without the promise of seeing him at the end of the night and it was difficult to say the least. She told herself it was purely because of the physical aspects but every now and again niggling feelings would appear and confuse her more.

She’d made it her New Year’s Resolution to completely forget about him and whatever the hell had been happening and focus on the rest of Junior Year. Like most resolutions, that had lasted about five seconds. She’d flocked to the highway bar out of town after some particularly bad news from her parents. It was the only place that served minors and right now she needed alcohol, a lot of it in fact. At first the straight vodkas burned as they slipped down her throat but now they tasted like water she was that numb. It was exactly how she wanted to be though.

Klaus had arrived halfway through her drinking binge, playing pool in the corner with Enzo. It wasn’t a surprise altogether given she knew they liked to go there on Friday nights and possibly found herself there on purpose. It wasn’t just alcohol that calmed her after all. She’d pretended to ignore him but couldn’t miss the stray glances he kept sending her way.

“Alaric, I’ll have another one,” she slurred, slamming her glass on the bar in the process and trying to ignore the fact that her vision was blurred.

“You’ve had enough, Caroline,” he answered, not even bothering to look at her questioning expression as he wiped down the bar.

“I don’t think you heard me properly,” she insisted. “I want another one.”

“That’s not going to happen, maybe you should call it a night,” he replied, seriously. “What can I get you, Klaus?” Of course he had to approach the bar at that exact moment. Typical. Caroline chose to keep her gaze fixed on the bar wondering if he was going to say anything.

“Two beers, thanks,” he asked, Alaric walking away to get them from the fridge. “Are you alright, Caroline?”

“I’m fine,” she scowled. “Well, I was until you decided to interrupt my peaceful reverie.”

“I’m glad to see that stubborn, blind hatred for me is still well and truly present,” he shared. “I’m a little upset to be honest, I thought you’d actually miss me.”

“You wish.”

“They do say absence makes the heart grown fonder, though.”

“Well, whomever came up with that saying obviously wasn’t a cheating husband working away from home,” she mumbled, trying not to betray her feelings but the vodka wasn’t helping her discretion.

“Is there something I can do?”

“Well, maybe you can,” Caroline purred slipping off the stool and falling into his arms clumsily, her arms snaking around his neck. “You always did know how to take my mind off things, if you know what I mean?”

“You decided it was over between us and given your current state that’s probably not the best idea, love,” he murmured.

“Don’t call me that,” she growled, retracting her hands and looking over at Alaric wearingly as he came back with beers in hand. “I’m leaving.”

Caroline tried to keep her composure as she walked towards the door, the few stumbles an annoying consequence of her current state. As the fresh, cold air hit her she felt somewhat relieved to be away from prying eyes. Now to get home somehow, even if it was the last place she wanted to be. The first thing she noticed was that surrounding scenery was most definitely spinning, Caroline shakily placed her arms over her eyes in an attempt to stop the spinning but even in the darkness it wasn’t helping.

“I need you,” she whimpered helplessly. The last thing she remembered was falling towards the ground wishing that he would come and save her.

“Now I accidentally know that you’re in love with me too”

“Where am I,” she asked, sitting up quickly the pain ripping through her head a clear sign that she’d drunk too much the previous night. Klaus awoke from his sleep on the nearby armchair, his eyes opening slowly. Even in his half asleep state Caroline couldn’t deny just how cute he looked in his creased t-shirt and jeans.

“My place, I’m surprised it isn’t familiar yet.” She looked down self consciously hoping that she was fully dressed and hadn’t thrown herself at him in a fit of drunken desperation. What she found was a very familiar, black, Clash T-shirt, from memory it was his favourite. “I was the perfect gentleman I promise. You got a little sick on my bike and I had to change your clothes.” Great, this wasn’t embarrassing at all.

“But you brought me here?”

“I just figured after what you said last night you wouldn’t want to go home.”

“After what I said?” Caroline asked, still trying to gain her bearings. It was definitely the last time she drank that much straight vodka in such a short period of time.

“Well, you know…”

“I don’t which is why I was asking, Mikaelson.” He pursed those irresistible, crimson lips before responding.

“Caroline, you know full well why,” he replied, gruffly. “The last thing I want to do is rehash everything all over again I’m pretty sure that’s the last thing you’d feel like on top of that hangover.”

“Great! Drunken, rambling Caroline rears her ugly head yet again,” she growled, holding her sore head in her hands. “I mean so what if my parents are getting a divorce because my absentee father has been cheating on my mother and it turns out she knew all along but strangely ignored it. If those aren’t relationship goals, I don’t know what are.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologised. “I know this can’t be easy for you.”

“Yeah well I was the stupid one who didn’t see any of this coming,” she muttered.

“This had nothing to do with you, Caroline.”

“Then why does it feel like that?” She mumbled. “Like if I’d known maybe I could have done something.” Klaus made his way over to the bed and sat down next to her surprising her slightly. Things between them had always been physical, yes, but this felt like something entirely different.

“You couldn’t have stopped this, Caroline. Your parents are grown adults and made their choices and it’s not your fault,” he murmured. She looked into his eyes, losing herself momentarily as he spoke. He was usually so sarcastic and arrogant but this was a whole other side to her best friend’s brother. As soon as the words entered her mind Caroline knew she had to go before anything else happened.

“Uh, well, I’ll be on my way just as soon as I can get up,” she uttered.

“There’s no rush, really,” he replied. “I mean there’s water and aspirin by the bed but if there’s something else you need…”

“Since when did you become so considerate?” She drawled, noting the pitying look on his face, Of course she should have known but if there was something Caroline hated it was someone feeling sorry for her. “You know I don’t need your pity.”

“It’s not pity. You know I’m not always the bad guy you make me out to be, Caroline,” he explained, fastening a lock of hair behind her ear. She froze, trying to ignore the feelings his simple touch was causing. It would have been so easy to lean in and dissolve into his kisses and forget about all her problems right now.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For last night.”

“Anything for you, love,” he replied, his voice low and husky. She felt dizzy, wondering if it was just hangover symptoms or his close proximity. “Maybe we could…”

“I really should go, you know just in case Rebekah decides to comes in,” she interrupted, thinking this was getting entirely too real and her emotions were already all over the place thanks to her parents.

“And we pick up exactly where we left off.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing Caroline, it isn’t really the time.”

“Well, obviously it isn’t nothing, Klaus,” she scoffed.

“Unlike some people I’m not ashamed about being seen with you,” he growled, standing up again and moving towards the bathroom. That Caroline wasn’t expecting, she always assumed Klaus was indifferent about their arrangement. He’d certainly never acted any other way, well until last night. Was there a chance he felt the same way about her? “I’m going to take a shower.”

Caroline lay there for a while revelling in his scent on the pillow case while listening to the running water and trying not to imagine him naked as the water droplets washed over his toned body. The increasing warmth between her legs was telling her she needed to get the hell out of there before she lost all willpower and joined him in the shower. Given their discussion Caroline wasn’t quite sure he’d be amenable to that anyway.

“Oops, baby, I love you”

It had been three long weeks, Caroline had been busy trying to deal with the fallout of her parents’ news. Her father moved out, something Caroline didn’t think would effect her as much as it did. He’d barely been there when they were married so she was suprised at just how upset she felt seeing all of the cardboard boxes and empty space, especially in his office.

Rebekah and Katherine had been so supportive, not that she expected any less. They were suprised she hadn’t told them sooner, not knowing she’d shared it with someone before them. A certain someone who would send concerned glances her way when he didn’t think she was watching, but she was. It was difficult not to given Caroline realised she was in love with him. Yep, she was in love with Klaus Mikaelson but had no idea what to do about it.

It was obvious he had feelings for her given their last conversation but Caroline felt like she didn’t know how to tell him. Klaus was obviously hurt by the way she’d brushed him off and knew she had to make the next move. Caroline had spent too much time worrying about what Rebekah would think and less about her feelings. It was time she put things right.

It was a Tuesday morning, Caroline was walking through the school corridor purposefully knowing her destination. His locker was at the opposite end to hers and she watched intently as the numbers ascended. About twenty metres later she didn’t need to count any further, noticing him rifling through his locker. She felt the familiar butterflies in her stomach at just how gorgeous his ass looked fitted snuggly into those dark jeans, his white Ramones T-Shirt riding up and displaying some bare skin she knew very well. Caroline shook her head, she needed to focus.

She approached his locker, coughing to get his attention. He turned curiously, his eyes raking over her body before settling on her face. “I wondered where my favourite t-shirt went.” Caroline looked down at the baggy Clash t-shirt she was wearing over her jeans. She’d taken it after that night, call her crazy but she wanted something of his.

“You let me wear it.”

“I didn’t expect you to steal it though.” Caroline noticed a slight smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, hoping this was a good sign. “You might not want to wear that around school, half the guys as well as my siblings know it’s my favourite shirt.”

“A fact I am well aware of, Mikaelson,” she smiled deviously. “Let them talk, in fact I’m hoping they do.”

“Oh really?” He grinned, slouching against his locker and crossing his arms over his chest. “And why is that?”

“It’s probably the easiest way to break it to them when we go out on a date.”

“Since when are we going on a date?” Klaus asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Since I’m holding your shirt for ransom and one of my demands is a date,” she explained. “So, if you want to see it again, I suggest you adhere to my rules.”

“I’ve never taken too well to demands but I suppose I could take you on a date. Although I have to say I’m curious as to what the rest of your rules are?”

“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” she purred, moving forward so that her chest was lightly brushing against his, all noise and movement in the crowded hallway suddenly blocked out and it felt like it was just the two of them.

“Well, not if I get my shirt off you first, love,” Klaus growled, closing the distance between them so their lips were only inches apart.

“I’ll take that as a challenge then,” she smiled, closing the distance and pressing her lips to his. As he massaged her mouth softly, his arms snaking around her waist, Caroline couldn’t help but think how well their arrangement had worked out.

You can review on FF HERE

[symbianosgames]

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

A few years ago in SeishunCon‘s digital gaming room, I was reintroduced to the match-3 game. I’d played Dr. Mario when I was younger, but more competitive games like Magical Drop, Bust-A-Move, and Tokimeki Memorial Taisen Puzzle-Dama were something very different.

Ultimately, I realized just how many more-or-less neutral decisions are involved in making a match-3 game.

During the following Ludum Dare, I decided to jump in head-first. I did a bit of a warm-up the week before, trying to build a Tetris-style algorithm that detected and cleared out lines. This tutorial from Unity Plus was a huge help. Of course, the Tetris matching algorithm–a complete row of tiles–is much simpler than an algorithm that picks out irregularly shaped patches of matching tiles.

If you want to see all of these code samples in context, check out my Ludum Dare 30 repo. (In a shameless bit of self-promotion, I also reused this logic for Shifty Shapes.)

Two worlds

The trickiest part of building a puzzle game in Unity is that the game itself doesn’t live in world space. Not fully, anyway.

This isn’t as true in other genres. Platformers, for example, live almost exclusively in the Unity game world. The player’s Transform tells you its location. Colliders (or, in some cases, raycasts) tell you when the player is on the ground, hitting the ceiling, or colliding with an enemy. Even if you aren’t using in-game physics, you’re probably adding force or setting velocity on a Rigidbody so that you get collision detection for free.

Not so with a puzzle game. If your game involves clicking, you might get some coordinates in world space, but you’re probably going to convert that to a cell in a grid that lives entirely in code. There’s a good reason for that–it’s far easier to write the logic for scoring a game like Tetris or Dr. Mario when you’re thinking about blocks or tiles, not individual pixels.

I’m pretty sure Tetris blocks are not supposed to stick to the side of the board.

My warm-up actually tried to live in world space as much as possible. It used physics to determine when a tile had landed, and only transferred data back to a two-dimensional array to detect row completion. That seemed safer–what happens in the game world is real, after all. It’s what the player sees, so if you store your data there, there’s no fear of getting out of sync, right?

I was wrong. No matter how I tweaked it, it never did work right.

The Unity Plus tutorial I linked above was a huge help. If nothing else, it allowed me to trust that moving my logic fully out of the game world and into an abstract data structure was a valid approach. If you haven’t already, go back and at least skim it, because I intend this post to be an extension from Tetris logic into match-3 logic.

Converting from board to world space

Once I figured out this transition was manageable, this part was easy. I created a GameTile class that tracked the color, row, and column of the tile, and updated the tile’s position based on that. Here’s an abridged version:

public class GameTile : MonoBehaviour { private Transform _t; private SpriteRenderer _s; [System.NonSerialized] public int TileColor; [System.NonSerialized] public int Row; [System.NonSerialized] public int Column; void Awake () { _t = GetComponent<Transform>(); _s = GetComponent<SpriteRenderer>(); } Vector3 tmpPos; public void UpdatePosition() { tmpPos = _t.position; tmpPos.x = (Column * Board.TileSize) - Board.WorldOffset; tmpPos.y = (Row * Board.TileSize) - Board.WorldOffset; _t.position = tmpPos; _s.sprite = Board.Current.Textures[TileColor]; }

Tiles in a grid

Note that, in this case, TileSize is a constant that represents the size of a tile in Unity units. I’m using 64×64 pixel tiles, and the sprite size in unity is 100 pixels per unit, so TileSize works out to 0.64. I’m also using a constant offset so that the middle of the 7×7 board is at 0,0 world space, and the lower-left corner is tile 0, 0 in game space.

I also created an array that represents the gameboard as a static field in a class called Board. (Board started off as a static class and became a singleton because I needed to set some values in-editor, so it’s clumsily straddling the worlds of game object and static class.)

public const float TileSize = 0.64f; public const float WorldOffset = 1.92f; public const int BoardSize = 7; public static GameTile[,] Tiles = new GameTile[BoardSize, BoardSize];

While the Unity Plus tutorial used a two-dimensional array of integers, I decided to store references to my GameTile objects in this array. This allowed me to pass data to and from tiles directly and (as we’ll see later) made tile-clearing and animation generally easier.

Whenever I made a change to board state, it meant that I could simply loop through the board array and tell each tile where it was supposed to be:

public static void UpdateIndexes(bool updatePositions) { for (int y = 0; y < BoardSize; y++) { for (int x = 0; x < BoardSize; x++) { if (Tiles[x,y] != null) { Tiles[x, y].Row = y; Tiles[x, y].Column = x; if (updatePositions) Tiles[x, y].UpdatePosition(); } } } }

Note that in every case, we’re always converting from abstract game space into world space. Unity game objects aren’t storing the important game state information directly; they’re always a representation of that state.

… and back again

In my game, there was one case where I needed to convert from world to game space, and that’s when the user clicked an empty space to drop a tile. To do this, I simply created a large collider behind the entire gameboard with this script attached:

void OnMouseDown() { if (GameState.Mode == GameState.GameMode.Playing) { mouseClick = Camera.main.ScreenToWorldPoint(Input.mousePosition); mouseX = (int)Mathf.Round ((mouseClick.x + WorldOffset) / TileSize); mouseY = (int)Mathf.Round ((mouseClick.y + WorldOffset) / TileSize); PutNextTile(mouseX, mouseY); Soundboard.PlayDrop(); GameState.ActionsTaken++; } }

That’s really all there is to it. Note that it’s basically the reverse of UpdatePosition() above, which converts from game to world space.

Detecting and clearing matches

Clearing matches

This is the trickiest part. Actually, this is probably why you’re reading this blog post.

Horizontal matching (as in Tetris) is pretty easy–you just need to look for contiguous tiles in the same row. Even allowing horizontal or vertical matches (as in Dr. Mario) is just a variation on this theme. However, trying to track a set of contiguous tiles that can vary horizontally and vertically is going to take some recursion.

Each time we take an action that changes the board, we’ll trigger a check. The first thing we do is copy our entire board array into another array:

static void CopyBoard(GameTile[,] source, GameTile[,] destination) { for (int y = 0; y < BoardSize; y++) { for (int x = 0; x < BoardSize; x++) { destination[x, y] = source[x, y]; } } } static bool clearedTiles = false; public static void MatchAndClear(GameTile[,] board) { clearedTiles = false; // Make a copy of the board to test CopyBoard(board, toTest); //... continued...

Why? We’ll see later that it makes it much easier to tell which tiles we’ve checked.

We start the process with a brute-force approach. We’ll go cell-by-cell (first rows, then columns), testing each cell. For each test, we’ll reset some variables we use to track our testing, and then call a separate function (which we’ll later use for recursion):

// Continued from MatchAndClear() above... currentTile = null; collector.Clear (); for (int y = 0; y < BoardSize; y++) { for (int x = 0; x < BoardSize; x++) { TestTile (x, y); // Continued later...

Let’s take a look at that TestTile function:

static void TestTile(int x, int y) { // Tile already tested; skip if (toTest[x,y] == null) { return; } // Start testing a block if (currentTile == null) { currentTile = toTest[x, y]; toTest[x, y] = null; collector.Add(currentTile); } // ** Skipped lines--we'll come back to these later ** // If we're processing this tile, test all tiles around it if (x > 0) TestTile(x - 1, y); if (y > 0) TestTile(x, y - 1); if (x < Board.BoardSize - 1) TestTile(x + 1, y); if (y < Board.BoardSize - 1) TestTile(x, y + 1); }

If this function finds that the cell is null, then we skip it. A null cell means that it’s either empty, or we’ve already tested it. (That’s why we copied it into a separate array–we can manipulate the new array at will.).

If the cell has a value, though, we’ll do a few things. First, we’ll remember it as our “current” cell–the one at the top of the chain of recursion. Then, we’ll remove it from our copy of the gameboard so that we don’t test it twice. We’ll also add it to a List so we can remember how many contiguous tiles of the same color we’ve found.

There’s two other conditions we might run into later in the recursion, but we’ll talk about them later. Once we’ve tested a cell, we’ll then grab the four cells around them an run them through the same test.

The “current” cell is now set, indicating this isn’t our first level of recursion. On these function calls, we now have three possibilities for each cell.

First, the cell could be null, which again means we’ve already tested it or it’s empty. Again, we’ll do nothing if that’s the case.

Second, the cell could not match the “current” cell. In that case, we don’t consider it “tested.” Our recursion tests for a single set of contiguous tiles of a single color. Just because this tile isn’t part of the current set doesn’t mean it’s not part of a different one.

// From TestTile() above... // Tile doesn't match; skip else if (currentTile.TileColor != toTest[x, y].TileColor) { return; }

Third, the cell could be the same color as our “current” cell. If that’s the case, it’s been “tested,” so we’ll set it to null in our copy of the board. We’ll also add it to that List we use as an accumulator. This is one of the conditions we skipped in the example above:

// From TestTile() above... // Tile matches else { collector.Add(toTest[x, y]); toTest[x, y] = null; }

The function will continue recursing until it’s exhausted all options, either by hitting an empty cell or the edge of the board. At that point, we return to the main “brute force” loop to handle our results.

If our accumulator has more than three tiles, then this was a successful match. If not, then we’ve tested one or two tiles, but we don’t need to take action:

// Continued from MatchAndClear() above... if (collector.Count >= 3) { foreach (GameTile tile in collector) { ClearTile(tile.Column, tile.Row); clearedTiles = true; Soundboard.PlayClear(); } } currentTile = null; collector.Clear (); } } if (clearedTiles) { SettleBlocks(board) } }

Here, as we’ll discuss later, I’m simply triggering some animations. The simplest approach, though, is to loop through our accumulator and call DestroyObject on each matching tile’s game object. That kills two birds with one stone: the in-game objects are gone, and the cells in our board state are set to null.

Dropping tiles

Dropping a tile

Certain changes–dropping a tile or clearing tiles, in this case–can leave unsupported tiles which must be resolved (if those are the rules of our puzzle game, of course). This is actually a really simple algorithm.

We’ll go column-by-column this time, then row-by-row. The order is important here.

In each column, we’ll work our way up from the bottom until we find an empty cell. Then, we’ll make a note of that cell. The next time we find a tile, we’ll simply shift it down to that location and add one to our “empty cell” index:

static int? firstEmpty; public static void SettleBlocks(GameTile[,] board) { for (int x = 0; x < BoardSize; x++) { firstEmpty = null; for (int y = 0; y < BoardSize; y++) { if (board[x, y] == null && !firstEmpty.HasValue) { firstEmpty = y; } else if (firstEmpty.HasValue && board[x, y] != null) { board[x, firstEmpty.Value] = board[x, y]; board[x, y] = null; firstEmpty++; } } } UpdateIndexes(false); }

When you’re done, don’t forget to call your matching function again. It’s entirely likely that dropping tiles has created some empty rows.

In fact, if we were scoring points, this would make it easy to award combo bonuses or multipliers. All of these repetitions of dropping and clearing blocks are just recursions of that first call that was triggered by a player action. We could tell both how many total matches resulted from a player action, and how many levels of “chaining” were required for each action.

Animations

This is a working game, but it’s not intuitive, primarily because we have no animations. Tiles disappear, then reappear on lower rows. It’s hard to figure out what’s really going on unless you’re watching closely.

This is tricky to do. Game objects are always a representation of game state, so our tiles are always laid out on a grid. Tiles are always in one space or another; so a tile might be in row 1 or row 2, but it’s never in row 1.5.

What’s the trick? We should never be manipulating the game board and animating at the same time. Think about how Tetris or Dr. Mario work–you don’t drop the next tile until everything has had a chance to settle. This gives a brief reprieve for the player, but it also ensure we don’t have any weird race conditions or interactions.

As an aside, I recommend creating a “game state” enumeration whenever you start a new project. I’ve never written a game where I didn’t need to know whether the game was in play, paused, showing a menu, in dialogue… I could go on. Best to plan for it early–that way you can ensure that every line of code you write tests that it should be running in this state.

Admittedly, my implementation is kludgy, but here’s the basic idea–when we clear or drop a tile, we trigger a state change. Each GameTile object knows how to handle this state change, and (more importantly) it knows when to tell the gameboard that it’s finished with its animation:

void Update () { if (GameState.Mode == GameState.GameMode.Falling && Row != LastRow) { targetY = (Row * Board.TileSize) - Board.WorldOffset; tmpPos = _t.position; tmpPos.y -= FallSpeed * Time.deltaTime; if (tmpPos.y <= targetY) { Board.fallingBlocks.Remove(this); UpdatePosition(); Soundboard.PlayDrop(); } } }

When a clear animation finishes, the game needs to check if it should be dropping tiles:

private static float timer; private const float DisappearTimer = 0.667f; void Update() { if (GameState.Mode == GameState.GameMode.Disappearing) { timer -= Time.deltaTime; if (timer <= 0) { GameState.Mode = GameState.GameMode.Playing; SettleBlocks(Tiles); } }

When the drop animation finishes, it needs to check for matches:

if (GameState.Mode == GameState.GameMode.Falling && fallingBlocks.Count == 0) { GameState.Mode = GameState.GameMode.Playing; MatchAndClear(Tiles); } }

This cycle repeats until we finally don’t have any more matches, and then the game can go back to doing its thing.

This was originally posted on my personal blog, dylanwolf.com