#and when i was going through an extremely tough time she cried with me. and for me. and lent me a home to stay in for literally 3 years

[natashaslesbian]

For You

Summary: You’ve been going through a rough patch with your moms for a while, after a big argument you finally tell them how you feel.

Word Count: 1.2k

Parings: (Wandanat x Daughter!Reader)

Warnings: none I believe :)

————

The walls shook as you slammed your bedroom door shut, the tell tale sign of another fight with your moms. Most teenagers have arguments with their parents, who usually have high expectations of them. But being the daughter of the Black Widow and the Scarlett Witch meant that your expectations were set much higher. Growing up your moms were your best friends, you spent every second with them, it was the three of you against the world. You had a magical childhood and all your school friends were jealous of your home life, however after your 13th birthday Natasha and Wanda decided that it was time for you to start training alongside Peter. It was nothing extreme, a few hours a week in the gym and some basic self defence. As Peter progressed you soon fell behind, not only disappointing your teammates but also your mothers.

You let out a sigh as you slumped down onto your bed, rolling over to face the wall incase of any unwelcome visitors. You replayed the row in your head, Natasha’s words loud and clear in your mind. “Why can’t you be more like Peter, he’s doing so well, he puts so much work into his training, he’s not lazy like you!” She had shouted across the room. That was your final straw. If only they knew the effort you held within you, they just didn’t care about it as it had nothing to do with being an avenger. As a kid you loved to draw and paint, and as you got older it became a favourite hobby. At first your moms would take your cute little drawings and put them around the compound to be admired but as they transitioned back into work and long missions they didn’t really have the time to appreciate your art anymore and very quickly they forgot about your favourite activity.

A knock at the door arrived as another tear slipped down your cheek. “Go away” you huffed. Shortly after came a gentle click of your door. “Who said you could come in?” You asked. Your mom didn’t say anything just yet, she simply walked over to your bed and took a seat next to you. “Y/n” Wanda said “I- I’m sorry. I hate when we fight kiddo” she said as she reached for your hair. “Mama started it” you replied as you pushed away her touch. “Baby mama didn’t mean what she said. We had words after you left and she knows she was wrong, she’s gone for a walk to calm down” your mom said as she shuffled closer. “And I know that I was wrong too” she said, causing you to look up at her. “I shouldn’t have shouted like I did” Wanda said with a hint of guilt in her eyes. Your mom never usually shouted at you, she was normally the calm one although still echoing everything your mama was saying.

Wanda’s vulnerability made you think for a moment. You had always hidden how you truly felt, putting on a tough act so you didn’t disappoint your moms even further. When Wanda had come to see you, you were prepared for round two with her. But the delicacy she had entered the room with caused something in you to shift. “Why am I not good enough for you and mama?” You cried out, the sight breaking Wanda’s heart. “Baby don’t say that!” Your mom cooed as she pulled you up into her embrace “you are good enough for us darling” she said. “You just want me to be like Peter” you sobbed “you’d rather him be your kid” you tried to push away from Wanda’s hold, but she tightened her grip around you, “we don’t think that y/n” she said. “I know I’m not as good as him at combat and weapons and stuff but I am good at other things! Why can’t you see that? I’m trying so hard to make you proud of me but nothing I ever do is good enough!” You cried.

Without realising, a second pair of arms had been wrapped around you, a steady hand was trailing through your hair. “Mama?” You mumbled as you looked up to see her green eyes. “I’m never gonna be good enough for you am I?” You said as you melted into her arms. Natasha had been stood outside your room for a few minuets listing to yours and Wanda’s conversation. She felt so guilty when she heard what you said and came running to your side, crying along with you. “Oh my little spider, look at me” Nat said as she cupped your cheeks, bringing your gaze towards her. “I promise you’re enough baby girl, I’m so sorry I made you feel like you weren’t. Your mom and I are so proud of you but we’ve been blinded by our own want for you to become an agent. But it’s not what you want is it?” She asked. You looked at her confused for a moment, finally starting to calm down again. “Your artwork” Natasha whispered.

“Mama you remembered?” You asked. “Of course we did sweetie” Natasha said “baby you’re a fantastic little artist we loved when you used to bring us all your drawings” Wanda said as she brushed your hair back from your face. “But I thought you didn’t care anymore, you just wanted me to focus on being an avenger” you cried “you never had any time for me” you mumbled as you laid in your moms arms. “You’re right baby girl and mama and I are so sorry” Wanda said as she kissed your forehead. “Y/n being an agent and an anger is all your mom and I have ever known” Natasha said “we’ve not put being mothers first and we know that now. We thought we were putting you first by pushing you into training but we weren’t and we are so sorry” she finished. You sat up so both your moms could see you, you took a deep breath as you prepared to tell them the truth “mom, mama” you whispered “I don’t wanna be an avenger” you cried out “I’m sorry” your moms both scooped you up immediately, both now crying with you.

“We know that now sweetie” Wanda calmly said “you don’t have to be sorry” she said. “I don’t wanna disappoint you” you mumbled as you wiped your nose “dekta you could never disappoint us” Natasha said “this is your life and you’re old enough now to decide how you want to live it, all we want is for you to be happy” your mama said. It was like a breath of fresh air had hit your bedroom, everything you had wanted to say was finally out in the open. “I think I know what I wanna do” you said looking up at your moms “what is it darling?” Wanda asked “after I finish school, I wanna go to college, to study art. Is that ok?” You sheepishly asked. “Oh y/n of course it is” Natasha said “it might be expensive though” you frowned “well that’s what uncle Tony is for” Your mama giggled “and besides we’ve got some money put away from you, it’s plenty enough to get you where you need to be” Wanda said “really?” You asked, trying hard to hide your excitement. “Really baby” Natasha said “whatever you need, we’ll sort, we’re your moms and that’s our job” Wanda said as she ran her hand under your chin. “I love you mom” you said to Wanda “I love you mama” you said to Natasha.

————

Taglist<3

@saraaahsstuff / @dannipotatoo / @tobiaslut / @a-simpfortessa-lesbriean / @marvelnatasha12346 / @yelenasdiary / @mousetheorist / @ashadash0904

[meteorgraph]

💭

[vanilladove]

Hello, I am writing to you anonymously out of shame but you can call me Emy I was reading your blog and I was totally delighted with how you wrote and I wanted to make a request: could you write for Chuuya, Jouno, Dazai and Poe (you can add more if you like) with a reader like Mikan from danganronpa If you don't know her, her personality is a little (very) shy and she is surprised by the slightest show of affection (she is even surprised if you say good morning), often despising herself, asking others to forgive her existence and when people Annoyed with her, she tends to ask if she can take off her clothes or imitate a pig so that they can forgive her for all this because she suffered harassment in the past. I'm sorry if the request is very big 😭 but I would be grateful if you accept it (nothing happens if you don't either) I'm sorry if there are spelling errors but English is not my first language and I am using Google Translator. ♡

~ bsd men with a v shy + fragile reader

bow divider yeribbon

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: various bsd men x gn!reader (dazai, atsushi, chuuya, akutagawa, jouno, poe)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre: comforting fluff!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: none! also i'm not v familiar with daganronpa, so apologies for any inaccuracies! i'm just going off what wiki fandom says (。-∀-)

~ dazai osamu

doesn't mind your personality, although at first he teases you mercilessly until he realizes it isn't just an act.

as someone that has also gone through trauma, he would gradually soften up to your personality and reassure you of your worth.

dazai is a very impatient man though, so expect his method of choice to be exposure therapy...like extreme exposure therapy...like bro might slap some sense into you like atsushi & akutagawa ( ó × ò)

when you start over-apologizing, he'll put a finger to your lips and stroke your face and hair to calm you down (ღˇᴗˇ)｡o

expect lots of subtle displays of affection like hand kisses, kissing away tears, and general affectionate flirting.

~ atsushi nakajima

your demeanor confuses atsushi at first, to the point where he cries after the first time he meets you :,(

you're going to get a sentimental, heartfelt speech about how you deserve to live, and how you aren't a burden to anyone.

poor atsu cries over you--you guys probably have daily cry + cuddle sessions.

will do random things to cheer you up and give you many words of affirmation.

buys you a tiger plushie sprayed with his cologne to cuddle with when he isn't with you for comfort ♡

i'd like to think that through helping you, atsushi also helps address his own self-esteem issues ^w^

~ akutagawa ryunosuke

hates you at first and sees you as a cowardly weakling.

it isn't until one day he randomly compliments or helps you and catches your shy/flustered expression that he begins to feel some sympathy.

will gradually visit you more until you stop flinching whenever he approaches you. he can tell you're intimidated by him because of his personality and notorious reputation.

it's definitely hard for akutagawa to be soft with you, since he's a rough person, but he tries his best to be gentle with you.

shows his care through actions more than words (sharing food with you, doing constant check-ins, guiding your back when walking with you, etc.)

promises threatens to kill those who have harmed and harassed you in the past.

becomes overprotective over you, getting mad when anyone--even jokingly--teases you.

~ chuuya nakahara

tough love~!!!

expect a lot of "huh, what the hell are you talking about?" anytime you apologize for something small or suggest some self-sabotage

since you aren't used to affection and often try to reject gifts, thinking you aren't worth giving them to, chuuya will 'lovebomb' you with gifts until you get used to them as the norm and accept them willingly.

although he may seem short-tempered and easily irritated, he'll always make time to sit down with you and listen to your rants/past stories and engage in deep conversations.

holds your hands and reminds you of how strong and talented you are--will keep drilling it into your head until it sticks.

carries tissues in his suit for when you cry.

~ edgar allen poe

this man may be your twin...honestly he's a bit of a mess himself, so he doesn't know how to help you.

i think poe would be relieved to find someone similar to him--also very shy and awkward/bad at socializing.

if you started apologizing when there was a pause in conversation, he would probably apologize back, and you two would go back and forth until karl bites him (꒪▿꒪)

since you both mainly only find confidence in your talents/skills, he would get to know your strengths as much as possible and encourage you to do your best!

will also share his book plots with you, taking you with him into the books and getting your feedback, never missing the chance to show you something beautiful he secretly wrote just for you

overall, poe would make you feel less alone and isolated, helping you gain confidence overtime!

~ jouno saigiku

since you're already so fragile and frantic, jouno wouldn't find any pleasure in torturing or messing with you

ends up helping you under the pretense of "calming down your raging heartbeat and nerves that are too loud"; in reality, he notices how you're always on edge and just wants you to experience some peace and quiet.

jouno's sensitive to others' emotions, so i think if you were having a panic attack or extreme anxiety, he'd immediately hug + hold you until you calmed down again (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

like the rest, he'd offer you words of affirmation and hold your hand in public/around other people.

will stick around you to ward off anyone who tries to bully you or exploit your personality; blushes uncontrollably if you thank him for his simple acts ♡

[should-be-sleeping]

Tough day today... and friendly reminder that being human is easier when we help each other.

I saw one of our neighbors, an older woman we sometimes talk to in passing, sitting outside of her house. I don't know what exactly made me look twice, but on second glance as we drove by I realized her walker was in the grass. She was otherwise just sitting there, like she had a thousand times before, so it would have been easy to assume she was fine and go on with my life as normal but something told me to go check in on her anyway.

She was not fine. She was the polar opposite of fine. Just diagnosed with terminal cancer not fine. No next of kin not fine. A veteran facing eviction from her house for missing rent while in the hospital not fine. In constant debilitating pain not fine. Only semi-lucid not fine. She was extremely alone not fine.

I thought, at most, she might be bored while unable to pick up her walker not fine. A five minute detour from my day not fine. A help her back into her house and say "see you later!" not fine. Instead I spent the last three hours with her because she was so scared and alone and no one should be alone.

We talked a lot while I was there. She's actually two years younger than my mom (who also has cancer but slightly better luck, I guess). I helped her into her house and got her a drink and we talked about what all is going on with her. None of it was good. I was as reassuring as I could be, but there's only so much of this I can actually help her with.

"Why did you come?" she asked through tears.

"Because you looked like you might need some help."

She called me an angel. I told her I was just doing my best. I told her that kindness should never be rare. That we should all try to make the world just a little bit better than it was.

She offered to pay me but I told her I was just there as a friend. Before today we were basically strangers. No need to repay me with anything other than her company, I assured her. She cried, a lot. I managed not to somehow. Something tells me she had needed to cry long before this but in being Strong she never had the chance to.

She needed to get her mail, which is a long walk when you're disabled because it is not at all handicap accessible (across a parking lot, over a bridge, across a small field). So I helped her get her mail. We stopped every three feet because her pain was so bad, but she was determined to be able to go do this with me and not just send me on an errand. I patiently stayed with her and reminded her, through her apologies, it was fine to take our time: there was a nice breeze and birds were singing. She appreciated this. She loves nature.

Halfway back she said she wanted to go to the pool. To put her feet in the water. She loves water, and has not been able to even see the pool in a month. Neither of us were dressed for swimming, but I took her to the pool anyway. There is a stair leading down to it, meaning she couldn't bring her walker, so I offered her my arm.

We went to the pool. She put her feet in the water and then, with more energy and enthusiasm than I'd seen the whole time, she jumped in. In her fancy dress! She was instantly ten years younger at least, clear and happy, floating in the sun. Dress and all. She grew up with a pool and had been on a swim team.

I sat by the edge of the pool while she swam, keeping her company and also making sure she was okay. When she got tired I took her back home and then had to help her get undressed and redressed. I made sure she felt no shame. Getting out of wet clothes is hard for anyone, let alone someone with like twenty pounds of tumors racking them with constant pain.

She was so fucking happy to have gone swimming.

She is trying to "make everything right" before she goes. Trying to repay her debt to society and her debts in general. She couldn't understand why the corporation that owns our houses wouldn't take her money. She was genuinely distressed -- not to be homeless on her deathbed but to not leave this world with a clean slate. I told her intent matters. She can only do her best.

This company not letting her repay her debt was their fault, not hers.

When I finally needed to go, I told her to let me know any time she needed a hand or just wanted company. She told me she was going to die tonight. I told her I hoped not, so I could see her tomorrow. I offered her a hug, we hugged and she sobbed for a solid ten minutes into my shoulder. I told her she was okay. That it was okay.

When I got home I cried myself, because I could not believe she was going through all of that alone. I cannot even imagine how isolated she must have felt. Once I pulled myself back together I sent her a text reminding her to reach out any time and I'd do my best to come over. Like, any time at all.

I hope she is here tomorrow.

[kwnnys]

Golden retriever butters w/ black cat gf :0 she’s like and intimidating and tough and always looks bored/annoyed but she’s super sweet w/ butters and v protective of him <33

— butters w a black cat!gf !

hcs : fem reader a/n : I will never not love this troupe omg. I had tons of fun writing this!! pls enjoy 🙏🙏

when butters first met you he was EXTREMELY intimidated, you always looked so... pissed off. but there was just something about you that made him want to learn more about you.

so he started approaching and talking to you while you were sitting alone at lunch. even when you looked uninterested in talking he kept going at it until you eventually started making a few comments and remarks here and there.

after more time passed you started to warm up to him and had actual conversations with the blond.

you both then started to hang out more and more and eventually started dating.

everyone was so shocked when they found out you guys were dating 💀 like... you guys are literal polar opposites

but despite being so different you guys get along so well! you absolutely adore everything butters does, and you're always there to help him with anything <3

you're by his side 24/7, and he loves your company. hes never felt so loved and cared for. not to mention he finally has someone he can really trust with his secrets and problems :D

you always protect him from cartmans little schemes and plans to manipulate the poor boy, telling him to fuck off and glaring at him whenever he even approaches you two.

when you guys are alone you spoil the SHIT out of him! giving him lots of kisses, cuddles, and words of affirmation till he literally cries <3

that "he asked for no pickles." meme is literally you guys.

also, his parents love you! although they were a bit suspicious of you at first, you managed to charm them and get them to allow your guy's relationship!

he gets grounded less often now too since you're always there to stop him from getting into trouble, but his parents would still find a way to ground him for the dumbest reasons.

you'll sometimes sneak in through the window to spend time with the silly guy!

hes honestly the perfect bf tbh 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

only 'bad' thing about him is that he calls you the most atrocious and embarrassing pet names in public in an attempt to be sweet and romantic, and you're just like 💀💀..

"hey sweet cheeks! would you mind passing me the salt?"

"...sure thing darling."

he prolly got the petnames from stans gang or the internet 😭 you get super embarrassed but never have the heart to tell him to stop.

but anyways, despite your guys big differences you both love each other so so much and are always there for each other <3

[remuslupinsdaughter]

All too much

Aaron Hotchner x autistic daughter reader

Warnings: autistic meltdown, crying, upset reader, Hotch and the team trying to help

It had been a tough morning, Ellie wouldn’t go to school and was struggling with her sensory issues all morning, luckily it was just a paperwork and filing day so Hotch could bring Ellie into work with him but even that was proving difficult.

“Ellie come on let’s put your shoes on” Aaron said lifting her on to a chair, she held on to her feet “no daddy no shoes” she said kicking her feet when Aaron tried to put the shoes on. He sighed, “ok no shoes” he mumbled and put them in her backpack along with some fidget toys, her ear defenders, her iPad and some juice. He picked Ellie up and carried her out to the car, he put her in the car seat and buckled her in, she whined and pulled at the seatbelt trying to unclip it, Aaron grabbed her hands “no Ellie this keeps you safe you cannot unclip it ok?” He said in a quiet but stern voice, she nodded “no unclipping” she repeated, Aaron nodded and got into the drivers side.

The drive was long, Aaron got stuck in traffic which delayed their journey an extra 35 minutes, Ellie was extremely frustrated by the time they got to the bau. Aaron grabbed her backpack and unclipped her seatbelt, he picked her up carried her inside, “hey Ellie you wanna press the button look” he said pointing to the elevator button, Ellie grumbled and lay her head on his shoulder. Aaron walked through and was greeted by the team, “hey Ellie no school today?” Emily asked smiling down at her, Aaron gave her a look that told her everything she needed to know, Ellie squinted and rubbed her eyes then hid her face in her dads shoulder, “hey it’s my number 1 babygirl” Derek said playfully when he noticed Ellie, she didn’t acknowledge him and continued hiding in Aaron’s shoulder, “Ellie aren’t you gonna say hi” Aaron said squeezing her leg gently, she shook her head and tried to cover her eyes with her hands, “hey sweetheart what’s going on?” Derek asked rubbing her back, Ellie flinched away and covered her ears with her hands and began trying to curl up, when she couldn’t it turned into a full meltdown, crying, pushing Aaron away pulling her coat and sweater off.

Aaron noticed what was happening and took her into his office, he dimmed the lights and set her down, she crawled under the table still covering her ears and rocking back and forth, Spencer and Emily jumped into action grabbing her backpack and filling her bottle with juice, they gently opened the office door and slid in passing Hotch the ear defenders and juice, he gently pulled her hands off her ears and replaced them with the ear defenders, “does she need anything else?” Emily asked, “I don’t think so thank you” Aaron replied.

After a while Ellie started to calm down and her cries became soft sniffles and her rocking had slowed, Aaron was sat next the the table waiting for her to come out, he heard the soft muffling of the ear defenders being removed, “you ok honey?” He asked, she slowly crawled out and into his lap, he gently put his arms around her, “shapes game daddy” she mumbled whilst she played with his tie, he slowly traced a circle on her back with his finger, “circle” she said, “yeah” he said and traced another shape, “square” she said, he tutted “you’re too good at this” he said and Ellie smiled, “ok one more” he said and traced another shape, Ellie thought for a second “triangle” she said, “good job” Aaron said and kissed her forehead.

Hope you guys enjoyed! (I am autistic and I tried to replicate what I wished someone would have done for me when I was younger and experienced meltdowns) <3

[ghostlyauroras]

I have a lot to get off my chest. I see a lot of criticism for the way Taylor sings about mental health and that is valid, but comparing Taylor's experience with depression to D*mi Lov*to's with bpd only to illustrate how much more valid her experience was because she suffered publicly while invalidating Taylor's because she's good at putting up this peppy upbeat front to hide her pain so she couldn't possibly have a real mental illness is exactly WHY taylor has this negative mindset about it in the first place.

Mental illness is not a competition. It is experienced differently by different people.

Some celebrities are celebrated and lauded as brave for overcoming it, usually they already had an image of being tortured in some way (drugs, EDs, anger issues, etc) so when they come out and admit they're mentally ill it's almost like 'oh that explains everything, it all makes total sense now' and is met with sympathy.

Taylor knows, whether conscious or unconsciously, that she does not fit that description. She is either cold and calculated or too perfectly rich, blonde and skinny to have experienced real suffering.

So the album opens with this line: "i was supposed to be sent away but they forgot to come and get me" she was begging for help but nobody gave it the urgency it required because they thought she'd power through it. "I was a functioning alcoholic till nobody noticed my new aesthetic" she is admitting she has a problem with substance abuse but everyone thinks it's just her glamorous lifestyle. Later when she says "i took the miracle move on drug, the effects were temporary" lacking real treatment and therapy, she treated her depression getting a rebound relationship to run away from her pain.

Then in who's afraid of little old me right before the infamous asylum line she says "i wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me" she is begging the world to take her pain seriously..

But how could she be taken seriously? She smiles even when she wants to die, she cries a lot but she is so productive, she is a real tough kid and she can handle her shit... except she can't, she just wants to be seen and understood! But she's been trained all her life (in the asylum where she was raised) to put down her pain and put on a show for the world, so who would believe her now when she says, actually i struggle with the same demons other famous people do?

So now she feels she has to exaggerate and catastrophize and even demonize her struggle to get across just how bad her depression was, because even when she says outright that she wanted to die everyone is rolling their eyes that she could feel that way about a shitty dude. So how else is she going to capture your attention? How can she make you really SEE her and her pain?

Also, as someone who also has struggled with depression since I was a teenager... it's fucking scary to realize you are actually mentally ill. All the stigma is there for a reason, historically some of the treatments have been the stuff of nightmares and conflated with the fatalistic world-view that is inherent to depression, you do feel like a monster, abnormal, broken, etc. and you are scared of how people will treat you for it and you are scared you cannot be fixed and it feels like the end of the world.

Mental illness warps your perception of the world. It's extremely hard to be objective, much less kind, to yourself and your struggle when you are in the thick of it.

So, imho, i don't feel like Taylor's choice of metaphors/language is perpetuating stigmatization of mental illness - it is a representation of the internalized stigma, of the self-hatred and helplessness and guilt and self-flagelation that come with mental illness but at the same time it's also a cry for help! She wants to make depression sound as terryfing as it feels for her so that you will SEE her and HELP her.

To put it simply: I just feel like you can't ask a depressed and even suicidal person to have a compassionate take on mental health - they need others to show them compassion so they can heal and be nice to themselves.

She is not a mental health professional, she is not here to teach us how to handle mental health, she is NOT a role model. She is just another depressed and suicidal person expressing her pain in hopes someone understands her. Be gentle with her.

Again, mental health is not a competition, different people experience it differently.

[asshlyyyy]

It's Only Love

Thank you so much for this request. I was actually writing something similar to this, and I still will. I want to try and get my request box cleared, and I really want to get back into writing.

I wanted to have this more on the happier end, considering I will have one that will be extreme sadness and angst. I hope that the comfort you wanted is present? I didn't do too much, more like... understanding and knowing Elvis.

Masterlist

Pairing: Elvis (or Austin!Elvis) x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Death, Sadness, Greif, Fluff, Spelling and Grammatical Errors Mostly Likely. Let me know if I missed any!

Word Count: 1.6k

"Could you do a fluff with Austin. Where the reader’s brother passed away and it’s his birthday and he just comforts her and they go to visit his grave"

In life, everyone had a mental priority list. If somehow you don't know what a priority list is, it is as simple as it sounds. It is a mental list that everyone has that shows who is the most important. Whom you rather be spending most of your time with. Whom you'd want to take the most care of. For some people the first person is themselves. For other people, it can be their significant other.

Your list was quite simple actually. First things first... the first person was your husband. You lived with him and breathed the same air as him twenty-four-seven. No matter his crazy ass schedule. You followed him everywhere he went, even if it meant you suffered just as much as he did. He was the love of your life, and you would do anything for him. Hell, you would risk your life if it meant saving him.

Next on your list came yourself. Just like your husband, self-care and self-health were very important. Being able to be openly available for your husband, and not have him have to deal with your own weight... just makes things quite easier. Not to mention, it's good to have a good self-care and self-love system. Because then you're less stressed, and your husband doesn't have to hold stress for you.

Third, on your list came your family. Now, this excludes your husband considering he is number one on your list. This includes the family you were born into. So, your mother... your father, and your brother. It was a small family, but it was your family. You loved them all very much. Nothing could lose your love for them. They all meant something to you and they all brought you something.

Your mother was an absolute angel. She always tended to you when you cried and made sure you knew how to understand your emotions. She also taught you how to care for others and how to understand their feelings. Your father taught you how to be tough. He taught you how to be rough. Your brother taught you almost everything else. When your parents were working, he took care of you. He taught you the things your parents didn't want to teach you.

Everyone else was below number three. Your friends, other relatives, Elvis' friends. They all appeared lower on your list. You wanted to focus your breath on people more important than those you hardly saw. Plus, you were sure that your friends were just using you at this point to get close to your husband.

A couple of weeks ago you got the worse news of your life. Your best friend, your older brother, passed away. Death affected everyone differently, and while someone like my husband can’t feel what I feel towards him, he still feels sad. He was a friend of his, and you were glad the two got along. You two were home when your mother phoned you. You broke down right there and couldn’t get the words out.

It wasn’t until later that night Elvis found out the news. So, while you dealt with the hard details of his death, Elvis took time off. He knew what it was like to lose a loved one. Especially a brother. He may have not known his, but still went through the same situation.

As you woke up, you felt your whole body fall apart. You knew what today was, and you’ve been dreading it since his passing. A birthday is a time to celebrate getting old int. Taking in a new age, but he was stuck at the age he died in. How do you celebrate something so happy, when they are no longer around? Do you just stop celebrating their birthday?

You were new to this whole death situation, and you didn’t like it. You didn’t know how you were supposed to do anything. Did you still celebrate their birthday? All these questions and you got no answers…

You stared at the ceiling blankly and shook your head. You turned to look at your husband, but instead, you just found his pillow and no body.  You let out a sigh and pushed yourself up into a sitting position and heard the door open. You turned your head and watched as Elvis walked in.

“Good mornin’ darlin’.” Elvis said as he noticed you were awake.

“Morning,” you replied tiredly.

“I figured we could go to the cemetery today?” He suggested as he opened up a few of the blinds. You looked at him confused. He wanted to go to the cemetery.

“You want to go…?” You confused. He let out a hum and nodded.

“I always visit ma mama on her birthday. Figured we could visit ya, brotha.” You smile softly and nodded.

“I would love that.” You replied.

You got yourself up out of bed and made it to the closest. You two get dressed and soon you two went downstairs. You decide it would be best to eat before you two leave. Of course, you two were going to stop to get some flowers. Why wouldn’t you? You couldn’t exactly buy anything for him to use, so get him some flowers to show that you care.

“What kind of flowers do you get someone?”

“Usually ones that remind you of them.” You replied as you looked at the selection of showers the shop had. Elvis hummed and looked around also.

Elvis picked up a bouquet of flowers and looked towards you, “what about their favorite flowers?”

“That too, but when its cases like this… well… it’s always best to go with ones that remind you of them.” You replied and looked at the flowers in his hands. You smiled and nodded. You didn’t know if he picked them up on purpose or not… but either way they were perfect.

“Yeah, these remind me of him. They hold that sense of… look I’ll fucking kill ya, but I’ll also love ya.” You rolled your eyes playfully at his explanation.

You took the flowers from him, “of course they do.”

You two went to the checkout and paid for the flowers. You then made your way over to the cemetery where your brother lay for the rest of time. It wasn’t that far of a drive, but it sure felt like forever. It felt like it did so long ago. The first drive out here was a painful one, and Elvis had to make many stops.

You’re still pained by his loss, but you knew that he was still around. He was up in heaven giving his advice now to those who need it. You smiled softly as the gates appeared in front of you. Maybe today wouldn’t be as bad as you thought it would be. You had your husband by your side and your brother.

“It’s not too bad outside,” you commented as you guys came to a stop.

“Not too cold, not too hot,” Elvis replied in response. You nodded and got out of the car.

Being in a cemetery can be quite frightening. There are hundreds of dead people, and not to mention these places can be sort of like a maze at some points. Never knowing where you are, or where the person you’re looking for is. It is all one big place to get lost in.

“You ready?” Elvis looked over at you.

You nodded in response, “let’s go.”

The two of you made your way over to his grave. Being here in the cemetery reminded you just how real this was. It always feels like a fever dream, but when you’re standing here… it is reality.

“Hi Aiden,” you said softly and laid the flowers down. “Happy birthday,” you smiled weakly.

Elvis wrapped his arms around you and held you close. “Happy birthday man.”

“You would’ve been thirty today. Ya old man,” you chuckled lightly

“‘M turnin’ thirty soon.” Elvis pointed out.

“And then you’ll be an old man,” you poked his chest lightly. You pulled away from him and sat down on the grass.

“Great, just great.” You laughed gently at his reaction and shook your head.

“Elvis picked those out for you, so if you don’t like it haunt his ass.” You talked to your older brother.

“Hey now, I didn’t sign up for a bullying class,” Elvis commented as he sat down beside you.

“You signed up for it when we got together. Don’t make this about yourself either, it’s Aiden’s birthday.”

“Oh, of course, my apologies. Go on,” he motioned his hand out. You chuckled lightly and rested your head against his shoulder.

“I thought today was going to be hard. Instead… it’s easy… It sucks that you’re stuck at twenty-nine forever… but at least you got to experience everything. Who wants to get old anyways? I think it’s overrated.”

“You think everythin’ is overrated,” Elvis spoke up.

“I don’t think you are.” You smiled at him.

“Mhm, just kissin’ up to me now.” You chuckled once more and closed your eyes gently.

“I miss you Aiden… we all do… but I know you’re here with us each and every day. Mostly because I know you would want to haunt us all.”

“Is that why my toothbrush is always downstairs?” Elvis started to question.

“Maybe,” you giggled and pushed Elvis lightly.

While a couple of hours ago today may have seemed like the hardest day… it turned into an easy day of remembrance. You got to spend it with your husband, and the two of you spent some time with Aiden. You really wished things turned out differently, but God had a path for everything… and he just reached the end of his.

Original Ask: "Could you do a fluff with Austin. Where the reader's brother passed away and it's his birthday and he just comforts her and they go to visit his grave."

If you don't know, my taglist is broken. While I work on figuring out a different method, I am just tagging mutuals. I hope to get it up and running in a little while.

Mutual Taglist: @babyhoneypresley, @emmymaehereeeeee, @venus-haze, @austinstyles

[mygreatadventurehasbegun]

Here’s the rest of my Phantom ‘43 liveblog notes...just too tough to do tons of individual posts when I actually want to watch the movie....taking notes is much easier...though I still had to pause a few times because I just can’t type fast enough, lol.

~The Tenor in Marta has an amazing voice.

~The side eyeing between Raoul and Anatole has begun!

~M. Villeneuve looking almost amused when he comes across Christine being told off by M. Vechers.  I’ve always loved how in Christine’s corner Villeneuve is.

~I love M. Villeneuve’s speech about artists, and them needing to be around people who understand it.  And choosing between art and “a normal life”.

~NOT CLAUDIN RIPPING MY HEART OUT DURING THAT FOYER SCENE.  

~The fact that they just held on Claudin’s face while he’s playing The Lullaby of the Bells shows just how good of an actor Claude Rains was.  You can watch an extreme closeup of him, not speaking and still be enthralled.

~There is so much vulnerability when he says “what am I to do, Maestro?”  He’s so vulnerable, and yet still dignified....and I love that they didn’t make him beg.

~I love the random cat outside the window of Claudin’s apartment.

~THE WAY HE BARELY PAUSES AND LOOKS AT THE BUST, I CAN’T

~Not me crying when he almost cries while playing the piano

~I love the dress Christine wears during her voice lesson.

~The camera shot that reveals Claudin hiding from Christine is fantastic

~Before Claudin tells Signor Piretti about being dismissed, you can see his hands fidgeting in his lap...either from nervousness or the pain of his arthritis, or both.

~Speaking of Piretti, his “Italian” accent always makes me laugh: “The girl means nothing-a to me”

~The way Claudin’s face falls when Piretti starts laughing about the concerto.  Hasn’t this guy been through enough?  Jesus.

~As a kid, I always used to think the guy walking into Pleyel’s at the beginning actually was Pleyel...but it’s just an extra that look like him.

~M. Pleyel is such a dick

~I could watch that scene with the murder/acid throw a hundred times in a row, and still not be bored.  Just watching Claude Rains’ face change just before he snaps...also, the fact that they included Pleyel actually gagging is pretty intense for 1943.  And of course, Claudin’s screams are probably the best horror screams I’ve ever heard, especially coming from a man.  It’s so visceral.

~I do find it odd that he gets the acid thrown onto his entire face, but it’s only the right side that actually gets burned...maybe it was only supposed to hit the one side, but the take they went with was just too good to not use...

~Claudin, how did you manage to survive that long after throwing sewage on your burnt face?  

~Lecours reacting to the food that was stolen is hilarious.  In the script, it’s revealed that his “troubles” mostly boil down to indigestion...so when pickled pig’s feet and ham are mentioned, he grimaces and reaches for his 19th century Tums.

~The look on Anatole’s face after Aunt Madeline says: “please remember you’re speaking to a gentlemen”.  It always makes me laugh.

~I love that Christine says she encountered Claudin in the foyer, onstage and outside the opera...I wonder how many “surprise” encounters Claudin arranged just so he could see her?

~Time for something I never noticed before!  When Anatole presents the theory that Claudin probably fell in love with Christine, he says to Raoul: “You admit that is possible, no?”  And Raoul does a friggin’ double take.  I cannot believe I never noticed this before...It is hysterical and I rewound the blu-ray three times to rewatch it.  And even though the shot is on Raoul, you can totally see Anatole smiling at that reaction.  Maybe it made Nelson Eddy laugh or maybe it was in character, but either way, I love it.

~Is Anatole suggesting that he wants to do a bust of Raoul next?

~Just noticed that there is one woman in the orchestra who’s playing the harp.

~Anatole opening a conversation with “You’re going to be a great and famous singer, I’ll help you” is kinda odd...couldn’t say hello first?  lol

~Nelson Eddy and Jane Farrar’s voices really work well together.

~I wonder what the reason was for Christine to not be onstage during the first scene of the opera?  Other than to create suspicion for her drugging Biancarolli...though she was never actually accused...Biancarolli assumed it was Anatole...hmmm.

 ~M. Villeneuve being so proud of Christine as he conducts makes my heart melt a bit

~I always wondered what happened after Christine and Anatole’s duet?  Did Christine finish the opera or did Biancarolli push her out and finish it herself?  They’re only in Act I when she’s drugged, so there’s at least two more to go!

~I love the shot of Claudin listening to the thunderous applause for Christine.

~”Hearsay is not evidence Madame!”  Nice to see a police officer doing his job.

~M. Villeneuve is pissed when Biacarolli wants them to tell the press to ignore the fact that Christine sang.

~I love how Claude leans into the gravelly part of his voice after he dons the mask.  And that shot of him opening the curtains is so creepy!

~I don’t think I’ve ever actually mentioned how much I like the design of the mask...I like how it feels sort of sleek, and the deep-set look of the eyes.  And making it pale blue is such a cool choice.

~I would like both Claudin’s and Anatole’s capes, thank you.  Also love how they color coded them, with Anatole in white and Claudin in red (hero vs. villain)

~Every single thing that Anatole and Raoul do and say in the final scene at Christine’s apartment makes me smile.  The talking in sync, the side eyeing...everything.  I think this is the scene that makes every person who watches this movie ship these two characters.  The honestly have the best chemistry in the movie and I’m sad that these two actors didn’t make a series of buddy comedies.  WE WERE ROBBED.

~Nelson Eddy looks so good in that brown suit when he meets Franz List.

~I love that Hume Cronyn is in this movie.

~I need Christine’s pale blue dress in my closet now, please.

~The shot of Claudin coming through the curtains is genius.  I mean, it’s the officer’s fault for standing with his back to an open hallway...but it’s so creepy the way he appears out of the shadows.

~I love the third Opera sequence...I mean, it is Tchaikovsky, so that helps.  And Nelson sounds incredible.  And I’d still love a translation of the Russian...apparently, his pronunciation is really good.

~There is only one good bit of trivia that I got from the podcast I listened to yesterday: the set was reused from the silent film (I knew that), but the chandelier was actually in too bad of shape, so they rebuilt it, but built it in such a way that it could be dismantled for after the crash and put back together so it could be reused.  They said how much glass and crystal was used, but I can’t remember what they said.

~That shot where Claudin snaps his head back towards the camera before he begins sawing the chandelier chain always used to scare me as a kid.  On VHS, it looks like he’s looking directly into the camera

~I wonder how Raoul knew to go up into the catwalk to follow Claudin...was he dropping breadcrumbs?  Also, Claudin must have flown to get backstage and find Christine that fast, holy crap.

~He calls her “my little one”...how could anyone think that his love was anything but paternal?  Also, that “yes, what?” is such a parental thing to say...

~This Christine is so smart...thinking on her feet to try and get him to take her back...also, the fact that Susanna Foster is actually trembling is amazing.  I wish she’d had a bigger film career.

~I kind of love the fact that they are playing the concerto while the chandelier is still laying there.  Hope there aren’t any bodies underneath!

~Christine looking like she might make a run for it before Claudin helps her sit...good for her!

~God, that first look he gives her when he’s playing the concerto.  He can see that she recognizes the melody, and he thinks this crazy scheme just might work...he hasn’t started willing her to figure it out yet, but that look of recognition is incredible.  He looks down at the keys three times just to compose himself.

~I love how determined Christine looks when she goes over to grab the mask.  She knows who he is, but she just has to see his face.

~The shame on Claudin’s face after the mask is removed....whyyyyyy?  And then that quick snap to rage when Anatole and Raoul burst in.

~I love the look of panic on Anatole’s face when Christine says she’s always felt drawn to Claudin.  He wonders if she’s figured out the truth...more evidence of what was cut!

~I like how Christine has redecorated the leading lady’s dressing room.

~When Christine suggests they have supper...is she really suggesting a threesome?  LOL

~Anatole and Raoul walk off into the sunset and live happily ever after.  

THE END.

[septembersghost]

i do have something to say, and my pulsing head is maybe not going to allow it to be particularly articulate, but fearless was special to me because it was when i became a swiftie, red was special to me because it's my cherished and beloved album. speak now is special to me because it was the first album i got to experience with taylor in real time, from the announcement, to watching music video premieres (on cmt!), excitement building up to it, the thrill of release day.

but it was an especially big deal to me because i had spent the entire year before (almost to the day, because a final conversation was had on october 26, 2009, and speak now was released on october 25, 2010) planning, or expecting, to not survive it. there are many times i've battled through that since for varying reasons, but that was the first time, and the most traumatic. i had vascillated through extremes of sobbing through the night to screaming in rage to complete and total emptiness and cynical numbness - imagine me not feeling anything, or only feeling the tearing of anger in my chest - beyond holding tight to my precious dog, and i feel guilty often reflecting on this because i don't think i did the best for her at that point either. my passion and solace in music felt stolen out of my hands, and had narrowed intensely in that pain, to the point where i only had two pillars to lean against. one was fall out boy. the other was taylor. both had been the only comforts i could reliably turn to, turn up, in the dark. debut and fearless felt like they'd been given especially to me, to express what i was struggling through, how the girl in me who'd lost so much of her life, health, time, and then had her heart broken and betrayed by multiple people, felt. fob stopped me once, very directly, from hurting myself. (thus why their feature here has profound significance to me.) my mom, who had never been through such a difficult time with me (and there are gaps in my memory, but i still feel guilty for what she went through then too), hardly knew what to do, but she bought me a pink ipod nano that 2009 christmas, and that music was basically all that was on it. they were the lifelines i clung to in the tumultuous storm to keep myself from drowning.

by speak now's release in 2010, i'd gotten to shore, but was still battered and cold and exhausted. that album was an aspect of my recovery. that music was what warmed me and woke me back up. and a huge part of that was taylor's own honesty and sensitivity. she was still dreamy and romantic, she still displayed vulnerability, sincerity, and compassion, but she was also angry and bitter and petty and scathing. the fullness and unflinching open-heartedness of that journey cracked me back open and allowed the light back in. the storytelling and lyricism proved her prowess, talent, and growth, but it was often the simplicity that got me, that allowed me to accept even the sharp edges of what i felt, and the softness too. a careless man's careful daughter. i liked it better when you were on my side. i see it all now that you're gone. all you are is mean. please don't be in love with someone else. never imagined we'd end like this. wish i'd never grown up. can't turn back, i'm haunted. the girl in the dress cried the whole way home. long live all the magic we made, and bring on all the pretenders, i'm not afraid. it cast a magic spell, transformed my spirit and allowed me to start to become the person i am again.

it's turned out over the years that some of it is tough for me to listen to because of this, because of that visceral tie back to the things it opened me up to, but tonight i'm thinking yet again about what a miracle it is that i'm still even here, after not expecting that gift of time over and over. every re-record she's released has given something back to me that i didn't even realize i needed, and reading taylor's prologue for speak now, the feeling of her catharsis and reclamation feels so much like my own too. she's brought us in and held that reciprocal experience close, and the embracing connection in that speaks deeply to everything her music represents and means to so many of us.

she writes now, "i had no idea how much this pain would shape me," and also, "i'm still idealistic and earnest...but i'm less crushed when people mock me for it. i know now that one of the bravest things a person can do is create something with unblinking sincerity." this is something i believe too and hold onto fiercely, and she's helped consistently remind me of it.

to those of us with our palms outstretched in the light, still hoping, still having faith in art and knowing that it's good, whose voices quiver with tearful emotion but still share it earnestly, who sometimes wish we could still hear bedtime stories, who hold on to spinning around. i've had the time of my life fighting dragons with her, and with you.

[pleasantlycrazyworld]

Heey. Its probably gonna be weird ask for an imagine.... but Steve's my comfort character... I had a miscarriage about 2 month ago and I'm wondering how Steve would react if his s/o would go through the same thing? How would he comfort her? It'd be amazing for me if you could do this imagine. Thank you ❤

Miscarriage 

Steve Harrington x female reader 

Very angst but some reassuring Steve.

I wrote it were the miscarriage is involved and he reassures you right after. If you would like me to write one where it's months after just lmk!

Trigger warning: talk of miscarriage, struggle with conceiving, the reader thinks bad about herself. 

I am so sorry that you have to go through this tough time, my heart goes out to you. 

You and Steve have been together for almost 3 years now and those 3 years have been some of the best of your life so far. He was everything you ever wanted in a partner and every day he reminded you how you were perfect for him as well. He never allowed you to wallow in insecurities just like you never allowed him to do the same. You two were best friends, truly, and have been through some hard times but those hard times just made you two stronger. However, this might be the hardest thing either of you has ever had to go through. 

Steve wants a big family. Everyone who knew the man knew this, he wants six little Harringtons running around and you wanted to give him those six cuties because you wanted the same thing. However, neither of you realized how hard it was going to be to try and get those babies. 

You have been trying to conceive for six months now and it just never happened. While you were devastated (and so was Steve he just hid it well). Steve was the one who strongly believed that it will happen when it happens. “Baby this is just the universe telling us we aren’t ready just yet. It’ll happen when it happens, and when it does happen we will be the best parents any child could ever wish for.” Steve always reassured you this after every negative test result and he would hold you as you worried. 

Finally, there it was. The test you just took gave you two of the results you’ve been waiting for! Scared to look you had Steve look for you and after he looked he screamed out of excitement “POSITIVE!!!” With tears in his eyes, he dropped to his knees and kissed your belly. You stood in shock ‘positive, it was actually positive, you two were going to be parents!’ Cries are all that was heard that day but not tears of devastation like it has been, no, these were tears of pure happiness, tears of pure love. 

It’s been about six weeks since you and Steve found out that you were pregnant and even though you two were extremely excited you both wanted to wait to tell anyone. You were in bed waiting for Steve to come home from work when all of the sudden you get these awful cramps. You never felt pain like this before. It had spread all through your belly and you grew extremely concerned. Crying out you ran to the bathroom and that's when you see it. Your upper thighs had blood on them. ‘Oh my god, this can’t be happening’ You collapse onto the floor, your legs giving in and you let out a scream that is horrific. This site is what Steve comes home to. He rushes to you. Taking in what is in front of him, his heart shatters. Steve helps you stand, he helps wash your thighs and he helps you to the car. The drive to the hospital is silent besides your sniffles. Steve looks emotionless. 

Upon entering the hospital you two are taken to a room quickly. The doctor does testing, she does ultrasounds and it's confirmed.

You miscarried. 

A part of you felt like you died, you look over to Steve and he is silently crying to himself. He is devastated, you are too. The doctor explains what happened and what to do next but neither of you is paying any attention. 

Steve helps you off the table, he helps you to the car, and once at the house, he helps you to the bed. “Steve, I’m so sorry.” You whisper crying, Before you can even form the next sentence Steve whips his head to you. “ Don’t you dare apologize, You did nothing wrong. You took such good care of our babies while we had them. And this has to be a sign that we aren’t ready just yet, does this sign suck? God yes it does, but we are going to get through this. We can keep trying or if you want we can try adoption, And if you want to try again in the future then I’ll make some doctor appointments and we’ll make sure we do everything we possibly can to make it go smoothly and healthy. Sweetheart, I do not blame you do you understand me? You did absolutely nothing wrong. You are so unbelievably strong and I’m sorry you had to experience that alone but I’m here now.” 

After Steve finishes what he wants to say the two of you are crying just as hard as you were before. Nodding your head you allow his words to seep through your brain, this isn’t your fault. There will be more time to try again and next time you’ll do everything in your power to make it go as smooth and as healthy as you possibly can. You believe every word he says. This is Steve, your best friend, the man who has stayed through hard times with you and this is just another thing you two will overcome together. 

Again I am so sorry you had to go through this. I hope you enjoyed this and don’t hesitate to request anything in the future <3

[rumielisapublicspeaker]

Sailor Moon - Episode 1

So, my first anime I shall review is Sailor Moon! My friend recently reviewed it as they finished their watch of the first series and it has convinved me to watch the show. Yes I spoilt the entire series for myself by reading the review and oof... big reveals.

I will also likely update every ten episodes or so, or when I finsih a show.

So, as a courtesy, from here on out is spoilers.

SPOILERS I SAY!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, as a first episode, I would say it is a 7, as I really like the characters and I think the premise is exceptionally cute!

I love that Usagi actually feels like a teenager going through life rather than these ridiculous sexualised fantasies that anime has become nowadays. It's one of my biggest icks in anime nowadays. Let kids be kids ffs! Thankfully the manga artist and writer is based and actually knows how to write women and girls. Truly refreshing (⸝⸝⸝• ω •⸝⸝⸝) ♡

Anyway, yeah, I feel like Usagi is my spirit animal at the moment, crying at the slightest inconvenience and always wanting to sleep. Oh and yeah, she has a cat who is Luna who is BASED and I really like the design.

I actually love the classic 90s anime vibe that Akira created the most, and I think it's truly shown off the power of old anime. I miss the old aesthetic. Tbf, apart from Ghibli, I grew up on crunchy anime VHS tapes my dad got me, and most of them were in Spanish (lol) so this is extremely nostalgic to little me.

ANYWAY - Enough tangents - Usagi, adorable. I have a feeling the crying might be a bit annoying, however I can fully relate to every time she cried in the first episode, especially when she got kicked out for having a low grade (╥﹏╥) that truly is the worst... When her crying saved the day though, I just found that funny.

I'm not sure what to think of Naru thus far, but she seems cool. Tough luck her mother turning out to be a super villain though...

I DO NOT LIKE UMINO HE IS A SNITCH AND A RAT AND HE DESERVES TO FAIL AN EXAM!!! But also, bruh wtf why you tell her mother???

Usagi's mother (don't remember her name) is currently my favourite character. She is hilarious and reminds me of my own mother. I cannot wait to see more of her. Also yes, my favourite characters ten to be the moms and the goth mommys. What can I say, I have taste.

Usagi's brother? (Also don't know his name) I have no opinion on. He's a bit annoying.

Masked guy with rose? Idk his deal but I'm not sure I like him. Usagi immediately started falling for him so I don't know if I can like him. I don't usually like love interests.

VILLAIN OF THE WEEK -

loved her! who doesn't love a woman selling jewellery for the sole purpose of stealing the souls of humans to turn them into slaves for an ominous alien cult leader? I would've bought something!

Anyway, yeah that's the end of my review! thank youuuuu

[crisalidaseason]

what headcanons you have of the scouts that you strongly believe or/and really like?

Oh no you said the magic word

Sorry about that, I have no shame

Okay, let's go. Some of those headcannons apply for Alternative Universe and also Canonverse, some of them are specific for canon or alternative.

Scouts headcanons I strongly (and obsessively) believe

Mikasa

She seems tough and "I need nobody" type of person but that's NOT true! She actually craves a lot of affection and attention. She gives too much and doesn't get that much back and I think it makes her feel a little undeserving. Her friendship with Sasha helped a lot, since Sasha is very willing to care for her.

Mikasa is so stealthy and discreet that she finds out a lot of tea and gossip without looking for it. She isn't a gossiper at all, but bruh she knows everything! EVERY DIRTY SECRET.

She is a little petty. Don't cross her because you will become a target in a very silent game of death glares and intimidating aura.

Emotionally stunted, like, really stunted. She doesn't know how to express anything she's feeling unless is a very stressfull situation. Which gives her a lot of commitment issues that drives Armin and Sasha completely crazy because they just want her to be happy.

Armin

An extremely functional anxious person, which is why he is constantly exhausted and overwhelmed. It's really dificult for him to slow down his thoughts.

Honestly, a wolf in sheeps clothing in many ways. First, he is really shy and insecure, but don't underestimate his ability to be sassy af, specially as he gets older. Although he can be a little nasty sometimes, he makes it very subtle to not cause many problems.

I think he would be a wonderfull storyteller and author, the kind of writer that loves exploring many themes and is very open to any form of reading. He would be an amazing teacher too!

Cries whenever someone asks him for "one more quick favor" but does it anyway because he's a people pleaser. Mikasa is the one who usually rescues him when she feels his anxiety go through the roof.

Eren

Severe ADHD.

Honestly, annoying as f*ck. I don't mean it in a manchild way, but he is spoiled rotten by his mother so he IS ANNOYING and clingy. Can be a little self-centered but also very caring and helpful if well oriented.

Would try to solve bullying with violence and get bullied in the process. He genuinely tries, but Mikasa is the one who actually stops the bullying with violence and he just accepts it.

Needs serious anger issues treatment and is in fact working on it quite well. Unfortunately he has a lot of imposter syndrome and thinks he is just a bad person seeking attention. He needs a little hug sometimes.

Does not like Zeke at all. I don't think Eren would feel any attachment towards Zeke, specially if they met as adults or late teens. Maybe if they were introduced as kids it could work out.

tries to give a stoner vibes in college but hates smoking weed so he only eats the spicy gummies and brownies. He is a garbage disposal, eats everything wihtout a single thought.

Jean

An artist, a full blown artist. He is good in every art field he tries and everything turns out beautifull. He gets mad if he isn't good at it immediatly though and that can be quite annoying.

He seems like a heartbreaker but it's actually a clueless guy that is looking for real love. Even if he's oblivious as a baby pidgeon. I also headcannon him as TERRIFIED of dating men because of daddy issues (look at me and tell me he doesn't have daddy issues, I dare you)

Honestly, probably a mama's boy, but a very sweet and responsible one. I see him as being a super helpful son to a very hardworking mother. He cooks, cleans, fixes stuff, makes sure his momma has medical care and entertainment. I like to think he would be into soap opera because it used to be his bonding time with his mother.

Doesn't really remember why he is still Eren's rival, they just keep it for reputation. If they get drunk together you'll find them cuddling and crying together.

Connie

Unhinged but also good vibes. He is a comedian because of insecurity and low self-esteem and people rarely notice that. Sasha has helped him a lot with those issues.

The stoner vibes Eren tries to imitate Connie does it perfectly. And he's super chill, no forcing anyone to smoke or eat anything with drugs, will guide and help anyone who might wanna try it.

I feel he likes anime a little too much and ends up spending a lot of money on merch and figures. But the good part is that everyone is obssessed with his anime collection. Even if he is getting completely broke, he loves adding more.

Probably has a reptile as a pet and knows a lot about exotic animal care. I picture him having a snake or a bearded dragon (maybe both), some frogs because he likes the dumb face. I also think he would name them weird shit like "eustacius" "cornelius" or "tibaultus".

Ugly cried when Sasha started to date Nicollo because he couldn't go on their date nights. He wants to be a supportive bestie but sometimes he is a little too much and Jean has to intervene.

Sasha

The chillest person ever, a sweetheart in many many ways. BUT she is Connie's friend and being unhinged is also a thing (honestly, Jean is the only "normal" one, which explains why he seems the mom of the trio). She takes no shit and will humiliate any mean person with freaking class. One time a bully cried like a baby because he got roasted by Sasha.

She is a super extrovert and is the one who actually brings people to the friend group because she is the easiest and most adorable person to meet. She is known by many people because of that.

Loves food but, on the contrary belief, has a perfect relationship with food and doesn't feel bad about anything she eats. She will recomend the best places to eat (and affordable!!) and some of them are so hidden that you wonder if she spends her free time wandering around and trying food.

She is a food lover but doesn't like to cook at all! (that's how Nicollo actually got her, he cooked for her once and boom she was in love).

Will blast music anytime for any reason, she doesn't do a single activity without music.

She is the best big sister, the best. Her siblings all love her so much.

Marco

A prince, a perfect and sweet prince. The kindest soul you'll ever meet. He is also a classic literature and music lover, but in a super inclusive and non-judgmental way. He loves arts, much like jean, but he is more inclined to music and writing.

Marco is the worried mom of the group. He is also asking about everyone's health and moods. He makes sure to pay attention to every person and include them in the conversation.

In my mind he was raised by two lesbians, idk why but he seems like a boy who was raised by super alt lesbians and I'm here for that.

Has two cats despite having allergies. Will play with stray cats and dogs and baby talk with them.

He is also a little cupid and love advisor even if he never dated himself. It's funny how people follow his tips so strongly even if he has no real experience.

Historia

Impatient af. She seems sweet and cute because of her looks but she low-key is super impatient and IDGAF vibes. She uses her looks as an advantage and plays sweet girl so she can get what she needs. She isn't unpleasant though, she loves and protects her friends very much.

In my head she would be a power lawyer (much like Camille Vasquez from the Dep and Heard trial) and be extremely intimidating in knowledge. I just know Historia is a very smart person.

She hates being a leader, but people often put her on leading roles because of how well she communicates. She is extremely eloquent and well spoken, sometimes even a little too formal.

Eren became her bestie because those two have a very similar dark humor, although she used to absolutely hate Eren during pre-teen years.

Ymir

If historia has IDGAF vibes, Ymir is the worst of them. Not only she doesn't care, but also is a little unpleasant. Ymir can be a little too mean and unecessarily snarky. Which explains why she doesn't have a lot of friends.

I think Ymir is scared of intimacy or love, probably because of how neglected she was. But I like to think she would eventually warm up and become more open to people in her life. Once she considers them friends, she would be very helpfull and understanding.

HORRIBLE driver, do not let her drive in any circunstances. She drives like a maniac even when traffic is calm. Poor historia almost had a heart attack.

People associate Ymir with drugs but I think she would despise them. She wouls be a "no drugs allowed" kind of person. But she doesn't mind the ones that consume drugs, just don't offer it to her.

Erwin

Honestly, dad vibes, but not in a seggsual way. He would be a dad in the embarassing way.

Old man that doesn't understand modern social cues. The kind of person to post a tweet or send a message and ALWAYS sign it with "From Erwin Smith". He also doesn't understand slangs but ends up using them at random times and Levi just wants to punch him so hard.

Very patient, almost annoyingly patient. Would be into cross words or diorama building because of how long it takes. Would not loose his cool so easily but can get mad without expressing it.

He likes fancy sweets. You know those super fancy cakes, deserts? He would die to try them. I feel his favorite would be a blueberry flavored thing.

He is a gossiper, and Levi is always the one he tells the gossip first even if he BEGS for Erwin to stop.

Levi

Just wants some peace tbh. This man wants a quiet house in the middle of nowhere where he grows herbs and small vegetables. He wants to spend his miserable remaining lifespan drinking tea and relaxing in the porch.

BUT NO. He has to be babysitting a bunch of hormonal teenagers. People just trust him with a bunch of young kids as if he's not gonna snap and murder them all. But I think that deep down he has fun with the younger ones, specially when they get themselves in trouble and he just watches.

Erwin is the bane of his existence. He might be loyal to the blond man, but he also wants to break his nose on a daily basis. Don't even get me started on Hange, they are Levi's nightmare. He loves them both though.

Also an old man who likes gossip but pretends not to.

Hange

Nothing, I said NOTHING about Hange is conventional. They are the most chaotic and unhinged creature I've ever seen.

Social cues? Doesn't know them. Hange will do and say weird things in the middle of a serious conversation. If you mention Hange's special interest be ready to listen to hours and hours of very detailed facts about titans or science in general.

I have this weird headcanon that Hange would become a mortician and open a funeral home. I know it's weird but I really think Hange would be obsessed with the human body but not in a doctor way.

Has tarantulas, like many of them. Levi absolutely hates visiting them.

Will bother Levi, but also Erwin. Hange doesn't give a single f*ck if Erwin is their boss, they will interrupt and be inconvenient.

[dragon-roar-at-daybreak]

"Late reading" (2020) Commissioned artwork by the amazing VariouVery (Link to her Twitter acc) "Getting new jobs while working solo started to get tough, so after all these years he decided to learn how to read."

The first instance of Kothu was actually who I call today "Fantasy Kothu", what I consider now his Fantasy counterpart. His character was introduced in an adult story a friend of mine commissioned from me, which told his meeting-turned-to-date with another draconid wizard after having met and gone through some shit during a dungeon exploration. To oppose a well-learnt, clean-in-appearance magic user, I wanted a character who was the embodiment of the "rough diamond" expression: tough-looking, impressive, built like a wall, almost scary on the outside, looking like the bulky barbarian, don't-touch-him-or-he'll-kill-you archetype, but who, through conversation and time spent with him, would progressively show care towards others, and even his own vulnerability, despite his many attempts at hiding it and "toughening up".

From there, I loved him so much I made him a recurring character and ultimately my main character in Internet corners or in the stories I'd write for enjoyment. I always tried to show, tell, or hint at who he is, his daily life, and especially his vulnerable side, like his own struggles with loneliness, "being better", and "going through it" by himself.

I came up with this idea of showing him trying to learn how to read, a skill that may seem basic but that someone like him never got to do in a medieval-fantasy universe, where he was praised for his strength prowesses and brute power, and could make a living out of it, without having to deal with "words". However, as years passed and he went through several teams of adventurers or solo missions, he's reminded of what he lacks compared to mercenaries getting more jobs than him, and has to face the realities of his situation.

I could talk a lot about many details of this piece, including the way VariouVery came up to depict "the others" in this tavern, showcasing extremely well this sentiment of "ostracization" that is also important to me in many Kothu's stories. She also came up with that fairytale name he's reading, which is simply perfect. I loved working with her on this and discovering the ideas she had. I almost cried when discovering the final result, the look and expressiveness of Kothu, the way he seems lost in all this despite the seemingly entry-level difficulty of the task - and many other elements making up this artwork. To me, that piece is a reminder of how an artist can turn a commissioner's ideas into something beyond expectations.

[the-obiwan-for-me]

8 and 19!

Hello, my beloved! You always ask the best (tough) questions.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

This was hard. There are a lot of scenes and a lot of dialogue that I am extremely proud of, and I had to do some thinking and reading to choose. But here is the one I settled on to share.

Her limbs felt heavy and her head ached, but she did not slow down or give up. Her eyes blurred and her breath hiccuped in her throat, but she refused to stop, lest her emotions catch her. 

Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around her, pinning her arms to her ribs. She fought, raging at the unseen attacker. “Shh, Bo. Stop. You need to stop.” The sound of Tol’ket’s soft whisper, his lips brushing against her sweat slick hair, instantly stilled her. A broken sob escaped her lungs as she went limp in his arms.

He lowered himself to the floor, pulling her into his lap, pulling her tight against him. “Oh, my love. We’re not fine, are we?” She wrapped her arms tight around his neck and it was then her emotions caught her, no longer able to fend them off with kicks and punches, like some unseen enemy. She sobbed, a body shaking, gut twisting sob. And he pulled her tighter still.

“This is not fair,” he whispered between her sobs. “The universe has dealt us a shit hand.”

He let her cry, her face buried into his neck, a hand twined into the thick curls on the back of his head. She cried and cried, unable to stop the flood of white hot anger and sharp, ragged grief and stoney cold betrayal. She cried in frustration that she could not feel joy over a new baby. She cried with rage that this one thing she wanted had been stolen from her. She cried. And, as the tide of her tears began to stem, she realized that Tol’ket cried, too.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she whispered, turning her lips up to the shell of his ear.

“What could you possibly need to apologize for, Bo?” he whispered back, his voice sounding wet and hoarse with tears.

“This is all my fault,” she sobbed out. “Every decision I have ever made has brought us here. We can’t have this because I was foolish.”

He growled in frustration as he pulled away from her, gently prying her hands loose from around his neck, tssking a little when he saw how raw and freely bleeding her knuckles were. “I am sorry, my darling, but that is the most fucking ridiculous thing you have ever said.”

“But it’s true.”

He dabbed at her split and bleeding knuckles with the sleeve of his tunic. “No, it is not. First of all, do you regret choosing me?”

She recoiled at the audaciousness of the question, but he held her firm. “Absolutely not! You were the best decision I could have ever made. Save maybe shooting Pre in the fucking head.”

He nodded grimly, studying her hands. “Secondly, you were hardly given a choice when you were left to fend for yourself on a battlefield at fifteen. Being asked to decide between starving or fighting is hardly a choice at all.” Her stomach clenched and flipped at the memories, and she stiffened, trying to pull away instead of stare down the demons he was asking her to face with him. “Bo-Katan,” he half whispered, letting her hands go free to cup her face in his hands. “You were groomed and coerced and threatened into the bed of a man who used you with less care than you just took on that kriffing punching bag. None of this is your fault.”

She sat in agonizing silence for a long beat, letting his words sink through her pain. “I am so angry,” she admitted.

“I am livid,” he agreed.

“I don’t want to be angry at her.”

“Nor do I. And I don’t think we are, but there’s a strong chance that’s just how it’s going to feel for a bit. And I don’t care what anyone says. We’re allowed it.”

She nodded, hating and loving his reasonableness. 

He brushed her hair from her forehead and smiled weakly. “In light of recent news, I feel it’s time to check in on this; are you ready to look into finding a foundling?”

Another tired sob escaped her and she shook her head no. 

She hated it. She hated that her heart could not fathom the idea yet. She knew, without a doubt, the day would come, but delaying the search for a child made her feel selfish and heartless, no matter what she was told. Her heart wasn’t ready. She still grieved what she had never even had. She couldn’t wrap her head around it, and the tears began again.

Tol’ket swiped tears from her cheek and sighed in relief. “Good. Because neither am I.”

She laughed humorlessly. “We’re quite the pair.”

“Like we were made for each other.” He untangled his limbs from hers, and stood, bringing her to her feet beside him. “Let me clean up your hands. Cyare, this is why we use gloves.” He kissed the back of her bloody hand and looked at her knowingly. “Even when we need to feel something other than grief.”

This is from chapter 8, Brave Faces, of "More Than Blood". I am particularly fond and proud of this particular moment because they are both so raw. And they are so honest with each other. They both know their feelings are both absolutely valid, and also probably unfair (particularly who their anger is directed at). But they allow each other and themselves to feel all their feelings, and protect each other's right to have them. I also like it because it is in direct opposition of the emotions of the conversation had between two other people in the scene before it (*River Song voice* spoilers). This whole chapter is an emotional roller coaster and VERY revealing to what has been happening in the 8 years from where we left everyone at the end of She Said the Word, and rejoined them here.

19. Stephen King once said his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?

No. Well, not completely true, though I guess how you describe or imagine a muse dictates whether I actually have muses or not. But, I think the closest thing I have a muse is whatever character is in my empty skull, yelling at me for attention. Right now, thanks to YOU, Pre Vizsla is worming his way in, making himself comfy, fixing some hot chocolate, about to tell me about how he was horrible to Bo and/or Satine again. *outraged Satine face*

Love you! Thanks for making me think hard early on a Saturday morning!

More questions here!

[mrballwood]

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4. Last time I cried was about a week ago. Having a deep conversation with a friend of mine and helping her through a tough time in her relationship. She cried and I didn’t want her to feel alone in it, so I allowed myself to cry too.

6. I don’t really have a favorite band. Nor do I think I’ve ever been asked that. 🤔

7. Biggest turn offs are cigarette smokers, people who feel entitled to what doesn’t belong to them, instigators, people making generalized false statements about a group of people ( ie. all men do.. etc ), people who prey on the less fortunate, center-of-attention seekers, I could go on lol

10. Biggest turn ons are how well a woman takes care of herself, her style, communicating, understanding, providing wants and needs that’s you’re already aware of without me asking, desire to expand her knowledge, treating me to dates/gifts/vacations sometimes, thoughtful surprises, teasing, I could go on lol

29. One insecurity would be my weight. I’ve been a heavier brother the majority of my life, and for about 5 years I turned that around and was in the best shape of my life, until 2+ years ago when the pandemic hit, along with many other major life changes I started to put back on. I’m not as heavy as I used to be, but I’m not in the shape I was those years either. I think because that’s such a deep rooted part of my history and physical psychology, it’ll always be a slight insecurity somewhere in the back of my mind.

35. Yes I’ve danced in front of my mirror before. Had to make sure I looked convincing enough before trying some shit at events 😂

59. Yes I’ve been lonely before. I’ve lost siblings and felt lonely, relationships ended and felt lonely, friendships drift apart and felt lonely. However, with the exception of losing my siblings as a young teen, if I did feel lonely, I didn’t often feel lonely for long, because I’ve become quite content with being alone in my own space.

62. I have felt an earthquake before. It was extremely lite tremors though.

63. I have touched a snake before. Once at a zoo on a field trip, and another time to get a snake away from my sister. I picked it up by the tail and threw it across the field.

66. I’ve had detention plenty of times. 😂 I wasn’t a problem child, I just had a problem with teachers abusing their authority. And I’ve been much more mature for my age pretty much all my life, so I would speak to teachers like adults. Though it wasn’t in a disrespectful way, they took skid speaking to them maturely as disrespect, and always wanted to “make am example out of me.

74. I’ve cried myself to sleep many nights when my sisters and grandfather passed. I almost became too good at it back then..

76. Yes, I’ve done a few of things I told myself I wouldn’t do. Even some recently. Some of those things I’m glad I did, and some I confirmed why I won’t do it again.

80. Yes, I’ve sang in the shower. Everyone has a some point lol if they say they haven’t, they’re lying. That’s one of the first places people test their vocals 😂

92. I have been told I’m hot by a complete stranger before. Plenty of times. It happens most at festivals lol

97. I have cheated on a test before and have helped others to cheat off my test. The only times I have cheated on tests was if the test was determining a passing or failing grade and I wasn’t confident in my ability to retain the material I studied.

That’s all folks. Thanks for coming to my Q&A 😂😂