#and yes i am posting this only here where we are more civil than the tw****r fandom

[outsideratheart]

A/N: I know it’s been a while since I posted the first snippet of this fic but I’ve been struggling with writer’s block which is think is just about gone.

To apologise here is another little part of it.

“Alexia, that is enough!” Lucy slams her fist on the locker before turning to her captain “She has come to this team and done nothing but good. She plays well for us and gives it her all on the pitch. Off it she makes the effort and yes sometimes she says no to things but isn’t that her right? You stand there as our captain but look at you, you’re nothing but a bully. I am ashamed to say i’m your team mate right now. That girl has been through hell these past couple of years and since coming here all you keep doing is reminding her of what has happened. You are obsessed with her. Look around, no one else is digging for information. No one is making her uncomfortable on a daily basis”

“She is lying to us. She won’t tell us where she was for over a year. She is hiding something and that isn’t fair on us” Alexia tried to defend her actions.

“Isn’t fair? Are you really that self centred? You have no right to talk about what is and is not fair. I don’t care if you are my captain, I won’t stand by you while you treat my best friend like she has done something wrong. You, Alexia, are a —“

“Lucy” The whole locker room turns upon hearing your voice “I have given up on Alexia, it’s time you do too”

“No! I won’t let her talk about you that way. You don’t deserve this”

“No I don’t but —“

“Y/N” Lucy begs you to let her fight you case.

“Walk away Lucy” 

A stare down takes place between you and Lucy. A few seconds later the defender grabs her stuff and leaves the room. To everyone else you are calm and collected but Keira recognises the look in your eye, you are furious.

“I want everyone to listen to me and listen good. My past is none of your business. To those who have let the obsession go, thank you. To those that haven’t” you look Alexia dead in the eye “I want nothing to do with you. I will remain civil on the pitch. Other than that I ask you to stay away from me. That’s if you can respect my wishes. I know it has been hard so far”

You quietly gather your things and try to ignore the multiple sets of eyes on you. With each second you can feel your chest getting tighter and you know it is only a matter second before you will no longer be able to control your breathing. You just needed to get out of there, away from prying eyes.

The hallway is the furthest you got. You mind was filled of flashbacks, the moments that you tried so hard to bury. The past was not a pretty place, not the last year, but you know that it was only a matter of time before it came crashing down on you. 

“Y/N, are you ok?” Mapi and Ingrid are by your side, clearly the couple had left just after you.

“Natalia, she, she” 

Ingrid and Mapi shared a look, who was Natalia? They had never heard you mention a Natalia before. Both of them didn’t know what to do. Whilst you had become friends with the pair, they didn’t know you well enough to cope with this moment. 

Luckily for them Keira appears out of nowhere. The English woman clearly equipped with what to do.

“Get Lucy, now!” She whisper shouted and Ingrid goes running hoping to catch the defender before she leaves.

“Keira—Natalia”

“I know, I know. We can talk about her later if you want. Right now, I need to focus on me. Can you do that?” 

You nod your head as tears flow down your cheeks. 

“What happened?” Lucy rushes over to you.

“We found her on the floor. She kept talking about Natalia” 

“She told you?” Lucy asks shocked. She knew you wasn’t ready to tell them team but in a state of panic you might be let it slip.

“No. She only said her name” Mapi says. She couldn’t take her eyes off you. This wasn’t a panic attack, no she had seen one of those before. This was something much more intense.

A few minutes pass and Keira manages to keep your breathing under control but you’re still not ready to move. Lucy, Mapi and Ingrid stay close making sure to tell anyone who passes to keep moving.

“What is going on?” Alexia asks with concern, a concern that doesn’t reach Lucy in fact her asking is the worst thing she could have done.

“Get away from her” Lucy is up on her feet and pushing Alexia backwards. She would has fallen to the fall if not for the wall behind her “This is all your fault. You see this, you see her, this is what you have done to her”

“Lucy” you reach up and take her hand. The defender used her strength to pull you up. 

You, Lucy, Keira, Mapi and Ingrid walk towards the exit of the stadium.

“Y/N” Alexia’s voice is soft and it is only now that she realises she might have taken things too far.

You turn around to face the Catalonian. For the first time since arriving you make no effort to hide the pain you have felt on a daily basis.

“I want nothing to do with you Alexia”

[speakofthedebbie]

you (read: i) asked so you shall recieve: radioapple fic recs august 2024 update!!

the following are the ones from the last post w/some minor changes (think: misspellings and even more osas praising) (sorry for the re-tags!!):

Bedtime Rituals to Try out Before the Next Angelic War by @miribalis

just yes. thousand times yes. so basically my boy luci has some sleep troubles and that somehow leads to a qpr with al look its been a while ok just read it

Managerial Liberties by the same fella

these two tags explain it pretty well

something that sticks out to me about this is that charlie is actually (reasonably) cold to adam and like. im actually surprised with how little ive seen that. i mean i dont think id be exactly buddy-buddy with my besties killer either. only 4 chaps as of writing but already looking to be a radioapple classic. has the same vibe as bedtime rituals, but it is NOT a sequel

devils don't fly (don't expect me not to fall) by @corgiss

also just yes. basically a really not cool joke evolves into a blossoming romance because why wouldnt it. (man if i had a nickel for every radioapple fic that had a masquerade that was sabotaged by the vees- *gets shot bc i cant mention osas yet*)

i’ll hold you close (i’ll stay the course) by the same fella

the entire time i was just going "yas king! put that egotistical flatscreen in his place!!". basically luci reminds the overlords who he is and vox shows he can be more of a threat than he lets on.

ykw fuck it just the entire series (i didnt mention i would give anything to not give a shit (but i do) and my perfect rock bottom (my beautiful trauma) because the first one sounded a lil too angsty and ive gotten enough of that from other sources [pointedly glares at Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love {also coming up later!}] and the second is (mostly) smut

Of Saints and Sinners by the forever amazing @morningstarwrites!! (if you see this i have a serious question: is this your first time ever writing a fic? because how do you get so much right the first time- [not even beginners luck could explain this level of skill])

if youre even half the radioapple fanatic i am and havent read this, literally what are you doing?? i could sing its praises until my death bed but ill hold off so i can explain whats happening. basically after burning down a meeting room several times, luci and al make a deal ("not a deal!", luci laments to the void): they will attempt to be civil and maybe even friendly, with some daily compliments sprinkled along the way, and by the end luci will owe al a favour. whats the favour? read it yourself dammit! seriously, 10/10, i foam at the mouth every friday

Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love by Starlit_Rainfall (no tumblr in sight, so AO3) (i. urgfgh. what happened. i was just smiling over the fluff while crossing to go to school. where did it go. where did it gooooo)

if thats anything to go by, the last few chapters have been rough. the fluff feels so far away that i cant even explain what happens. luci was waxing poetic about swimming in maple syrup for al, i remember that much. lilith is particularly an asshole even tho we havent seen her yet (or maybe we have. idr, mightve chatted with al) also emily is there (fallen) and has a lil smth to do with als and liliths deal. if you read it, warning for the gut punch of angst that starts chap 32 "She/Her" (though the chapter before that, "Should Alastor Know By Now?" ends pretty rough too)

Freely We Serve by @romanaxe

i dont remember how i managed to stumble upon this but im having a great time. basically alastor is a new sinner fresh in hell (but time doesnt matter and the whole cast is still here) and thinks "what better way to gain power than be the personal assistant of the heartbroken king of hell!" features a 6-7 (rosies words) year old charlie and a morally dubious lilith (also i loved eepy al X3)

A Family Forged in Hellfire by Green_Ghostwriter (once again, no Tumblr, so AO3)

this ones a bit newer (10 chaps), is so far mostly exposition and the slowburn pot hasnt even been put on the stove, but as just a hazbin fic in general i see the potential. basically its a 1920s(30s?) au where heaven decides little charlie doesnt deserve to be raised in hell and is sent to earth with a "foster" family where her actions in life will determine witch realm she will return to after death. her "parents", al and mimzy, are given false memories so they can claim the girl as their own and gee i wasnt kidding when i said it was a lot of exposition. erm honestly explaining anymore would tech be spoiling so go read it!!

The Red Thread That Binds Us by @scun-gilli

{{future me prefacing this by saying i have no idea where i was going with yesterdays thought process, all you need to know from it was im on chapter 27. also scungilli your comment is making me very worried 😟 well theres no mcd tag so im sure itll fine, right? RIGHT, SCUNGILLI??}}

basically its a king x kings guard au where al and luci grow up together and only grow closer after a. certain life event for al (its fine guys trust :)) [she said, like a liar]) then al is sent off for royal guard training school (ik its not called that i forgor 😭) but dw he comes back. just watch out for graphic depictions of injuries (i think thats this fic) angst and a sneaky eve bc radioapple fics are allergic to happiness (or maybe im not looking hard enough lol) (also im really tempted to make the friendship bracelets they had 👀)

somewhere down the line by kj_crwm (AO3 link)

this one starts off as human!alastor/lucifer but by the middle(?) its just regular radioapple. basically al is encountered by luci while finishing off a job who agrees to keep quiet. luci just keeps on showing up, reveals hes the devil to which al us just like "lol ok" and eventually they get in a relationship (ooh lala 👀) but they break up after saying some hurtful things to each other (oh nono 👀) with luci promising al they will never cross paths again. if you watched the show then well. you know that doesnt happen 😂 most human!al radioapple have al summon him (no hate to them) so this was an interesting change of pace

new recs below!! ↓↓

Alastor and Lucifer do whatever the Hell this is (series) by Vagabond_Sloth (personally asked, no Tumblr, but they might make one 👀)

i know this is radioapple fic rec post but... *cough* Husk and Angel do a Romance for some soft huskerdust *cough* anyway- basically, a perplexing flower arrangement leads to a blossoming something between the resident radio demon and king of hell. seriously, its some good shit, and the author is really nice!

A Compliment A Day by @decembercamiecherries

spinning this around in my head at all times

basically, a classic "charlie makes al and luci compliment each other as a bonding excessive" but it does not disappoint (check out her other three radioapple fics too)

a lovely night (lalaland is that you??) and pancakes, small talk by @mirotic_chess (X Twitter account)

in a lovely night they do a lil dancey dancey and in pancakes, small talk luci makes some pancakes!!

Sin and Sentiment and Time On My Hands by demon_fawn (supposed Tumblr leads to a dead end)

oh my god future debs here and i am so fucking tired of doing these descriptions but. um. the plot for sin and sentiment def seems very interesting and time on my hands is an incomplete (but good!) attempt at radioapple week. hmm not sure if they still post bc the most recent update was july 12th

honestly just every radioapple fic by @otoshigo (i think ive read all but Forbidden Fruit of the Poisonous Tree)

if you look underneath the little island that is radioapple, on god otoshigo is one of the creators holding it up. all 19 (yes, 19. we eatin good tonight [excluding forbidden fruit]) of their radioapple fics are fantastic, buuut if i had to recommend anything specific: A Guide to the Care and Maintenance of the King of Hell (fuck count furfur!) and The Devil's Trip to the Big Apple

not to continue the trend, but basically anything by @thief-of-eggs (even the singular huskerdust) but personal recommendations: Trust and Hair Pets and Let Me Be Your Shelter (sickfics 🔛🔝)

idk if youll catch me doing the descriptions for these anymore shit was exhausting

tagging time!!!! (i want to end it all)

[catofadifferentcolor]

Terrible Fic Idea #87: Percy Jackson, but make it MCU

Look, I didn't want to come up with yet another crazy PJO crossover, but here I am. Because instead of just coming up with the lightest, fluffiest, gayest PJO romance possible - which is what I wanted - I had to turn it into an MCU identity reveal fic too.

Or: What if post-ToA Percy Jackson was Peter Parker's caseworker following Aunt May's untimely death?

Just imagine it:

Tony Stark first meets Percy Jackson in the ICU of Metropolitan General the day after Peter and his aunt are caught in a terrible subway accident. May dies on scene. Even with his advanced healing, Peter is badly injured and taken to the nearest hospital - where it quickly becomes apparent he's Enhanced. It takes about 24 hours for the news to make its way to Tony, who immediately storms the hospital with the intention of taking Peter back to his Tower to heal-

-only to be told Peter's not going anywhere by the social worker assigned to the case.

This is remarkable for many reasons, not the least because the social worker is an unassuming, overworked 27-year-old wearing Finding Nemo socks and a faded Save the Oceans t-shirt. That the case worker - Percy Jackson - stands his ground in the face of Iron Man's wrath is even more remarkable, but Tony is forced to admit the kid has a point: he can't just let someone without any obvious connection to a minor walk off with said minor, particularly when that minor is Enhanced.

It takes Tony a couple days to get his ducks in a row, proving that he is not only able and willing to take in Peter, but is the one his aunt wanted to take care of him in the event something happened to her. During that time he has JARVIS research everything he can on Percy (lives in a Central Park penthouse owned by his long-time boyfriend, a successful music producer; volunteers for a NPO started by his best friend dedicated to restoring the wild; brief stint as the youngest ever on the FBI's most wanted, etc), but finds nothing to suggest he's anything other than a social worker trying to do what's best for his charges.

Percy becomes a semi-regular fixture at the Tower. At first it's just business, checking in on how Peter is doing and facilitating the foster care/adoption paperwork. Later it becomes something akin to friendship, with Percy being utterly unimpressed by Tony's fame but remarkably charmed by his inventions and philanthropic efforts. (He also comes to have strong feelings about the Rogues and their actions during the Civil War once he learns of them, helping Tony to see their betrayal for what it is. This alone makes him one of Rhodey and Pepper's favorite people.)

This goes on for quite some time - though I see this as happening post-CACW, we don't jump straight into the Infinity War, with there being several years wherein the Accords are ratified, the Rogues found and tried for their actions in the Civil War, and for the most part allowed to return to the Avengers on a probationary basis - until Thor finally arrives with news of Thanos' impending arrival.

Only Percy happens to be visiting when Thor arrives and the Avengers naturally have questions after Thor addresses him as Prince Perseus.

The truth of Percy's identity comes out in fits and starts (demigod son of Poseidon, saved the world a couple times, ascended to become God of Heroes, Natural Disasters, and Poison as well as Patron God of New York City; has been dating Apollo since he was fourteen; yes, is actually a social worker, albeit one who takes cases across the country to protect demigods and Enhanced), which is not helped by Thor (who can't help but comment on what he knows of Percy's heroics) or Apollo (who shows up after Percy texts an SOS but can't help but talk up his boyfriend either.)

The Infinity War still happens, albeit rather differently than in canon - perhaps Thanos turns out to be a disgruntled child or sibling of Gaia out for revenge, justifying Greek/Roman interference? But the details don't really matter as much as the identity reveal.

And... that's really all I have with regards to plot. But there should be a lot of character moments leading up to the reveal that hint at who Percy really is but which don't form a coherent narrative until the truth is revealed.

Bonuses include:

The softest, fluffiest romance possible for Apollo and Percy, with the pair more or less falling head over heels at first sight at the start of TTC, having their first kiss at the party at the end of the book, and dating throughout the rest of the Titan War. Apollo goes absolutely batshit insane when Percy goes missing at the start of HOO and breaks out of Olympus to crash the Senate meeting at the end of SoN and check on his boyfriend, and eventually gets made mortal for helping too much during the Giant War. The broad strokes of ToA occur with Percy fighting at his now-mortal boyfriend's side, and Percy ascends to godhood when Apollo regains his. There's some tension (Zeus is not happy about his firstborn son's choice of lover, fearing overthrow; Poseidon fears Apollo will end up breaking Percy's heart, but softens after Percy ascends and his chance of becoming a flower diminishes; many CHB campers think Percy's mad for dating a god, etc) but for the most part it should be as fluffy as circumstances allow.

Percy having been really obvious about his background, but in ways that seem reasonable ("How did you meet your boyfriend?" "I was at a really bad party when a friend ended up calling her brother to pick us up early. I fell in love with his car and then with him.") or like jokes ("Those sea turtles really seem to like you." "I like them too." "I guess they're kind of cute." "Excellent conversationalists too.") until the full truth comes out; and

Thor attempting to make up for blowing Percy's cover in dramatic (and hilarious) ways. This should include the gift of at least one native Asgardian water plant ("Dude, have you never heard of invasive species?") and end in a bakery's worth of Asgardian baked goods.

And that's all I have, though given the way this has been living rent-free in my head all week there may be more. As always feel free to adopt this bun, just link back if you do anything with it.

More PJO Ideas | More Terrible Fic Ideas

[divineerdrick]

Homestuck: Beyond Canon Upd8 for March 23, 2024

As James promised, we've got a second post for this month. No news or anything to go along with it, so let's just jump straight in!

Jane is evidently not handling things well.

Ah, good! We've got a link to the previous conversation. This can be very helpful for dealing with timeline shenanigans in the middle of pesterlogs. I just hope they're not too worried about our ability to put together where we are in the story. I mean if we've stuck around this long . . .

Jane's paranoia is building, but she appears to have not noticed Jake is spying on her. Still she seems somewhat overconfident in her abilities. To be fair, she has been dodging and surviving assassination attempts since childhood.

Wait! Jane on the moon? I thought that wasn't canon! Well, if anything on Earth C past the credits are supposed to be canon at least. I wonder if that means we might return to some of the sprite shenanigans?

Oh wow! This is a tirade and a half! The worst part is a lot of it is true. We know Jake wasn't the best parent for Jade, and we know now about Joey and Jude. But still, I got the impression Jake was much more in Tavvy's life than Jane was. And seriously! Forcing a premature pregnancy with Life powers? The hell! Worst part is when it comes to Homestuck's worst guardians, I'm pretty sure that only barely breaks top 5.

I'm dying! Jake is doing a Gamzee impression and Dirk can't take it!

Well that's a sentence I just read.

Jegus, Tavvy is still very much definitely in the running for worst childhood though . . .

Of all the things to say . . . No! No Jane! You don't get to claim any LGBTQ+ Allyship!

Still, although the Candy timeline is pushing things to an extreme, this is a side of Jane I don't think ever got considered. Jane has been training all her life to be a public figure, to be an Empress really. And as much as I love them, a bunch of idiot teenagers created a civilization and then just let it build for 5,000 years. From the previous iteration of beyond Canon, it seems the Exiles were the true guides until the kids returned.

And Jane saw a group of adoring, worshipful people greet them and knew she needed to step up. It just sucks she couldn't bring herself to truly include the Trolls in that.

Yeah, I'm with Dirk on this one. Wow! Jane blamed Jake for Dirk's death. Just, wow . . . And here I thought Jake was the one who never truly understood their friends.

All and all this was a really painful conversation. I think this one might have been worse than the one between Jade, Rose, and Kanaya. Why do some of the worst conversations in this story take place between Jake and Jane. From reading this, I'm really getting the impression they've always been more codependent than actually in love.

Oh fuck! That really fucking sells it!

I'm at a loss for words. I don't know if this is going to actually stick, or what Jake will actually do when I press, "Page of Hope: Rise up." but that was one hell of a way to realize an epiphany.

Wait, no! That's it! Like I get the reference but really! We're just going to open the door and leave it there!

Oh who am I kidding! How can I be in this fandom and honestly complain about an ending to an upd8 like this. Yes, I want it to keep going! Yes, I wanted a flash video to start! But how many times has this story kept me waiting? Let's just hope we don't have too much longer.

[sgiandubh]

Such unsmiling people

The comment that moved me the most after posting that August 10 diatribe came from a very special blogger, @myrthil23. I promised her a longer, thoughtful answer, so here it is.

I share with her way more than meets the eye and with a bit of deductive skills, you could easily place us very specifically on an European map. To be honest, I was surprised (and then absolutely thrilled, of course) to find someone like her hanging on in here. But this is not the only reason prompting a response - her comment made me think a lot about a couple of relevant things.

For those who loathe foraging for reblogs, here goes:

In the colorful Shipper family, the Eastern Europeans are (supposedly) the unsmiling ones. This is one of the stubborn clichés that informed the Western gaze, especially in Communist times. Unsmiling, foreboding and unfathomable people: I am not smiling, I am laughing while writing it, because if anything, Myrthil, @zeya-zg, a couple of others and I do share a superb ability to use bullshit-o-meters, an unsinkable sense of humor and a hefty dose of sarcasm. All of these are basic, compulsory street smarts if you want to survive, God knows how, a nuclear winter of sorts.

Imagine you grow up in a world with empty supermarket shelves but permanently sold-out concert halls, where trivial details such as cotton swabs, potato chips (crisps, heh), political parties or The Last Tango in Paris are virtually unknown. Imagine your family is either cautiously aligned to some public idiocy they loathe everyday at home, teaching you at the same time to never talk to strangers. Or even worse, a political pariah, for reasons that have everything to do with the way you sip your tea, as Ella Fitzgerald would say. The latter situation (mine) was something very much akin to a civil death. And you just knew you could never be, for imbecile but firm reasons, an architect, a lawyer or even an epidemiologist: jobs way too sensitive to entrust the enemies of the people (and their spawn) with.

What is left for you, then, when the view from your window, in 1982, is something not very different from this photograph:

(side note: these people are staying in line to buy 1 kilogram of sugar for each person, which was the monthly allowance fixed by law in my country, from 1980 to 1989; you could only buy those with Government-issued tickets, not unlike what happened in the UK during WWII or what you can see in series like The Handmaid's Tale)

When all is seemingly lost, you will still have, in no particular order: books. Music (including piano lessons). Sports. Each other (although that was overall more complicated than it seemed). Going to the opera and never taking off your winter coat inside, but enjoying every second of it. Impromptu dinners by candlelight during power outages ("wir machen ein bisschen Stimmung"/let's make a bit of atmosphere, grinned my aunt). Foreign languages (a must). Fits and giggles and jokes galore. And the ability to adapt to just about anything, anywhere.

When change finally reached us, many had the almost surreal opportunity to go West. Some came back, others didn't, simply because they chose to continue elsewhere their pursuit of happiness. And yes, Myrthil is right, that fabled West was always something to behold and measure up to. In my case, it was almost too easy, but then I consider myself really lucky: going to live in Paris, at 18, felt both as homecoming and being left alone (and with unlimited credit) in a candy store.

So, here we are. We may have discovered Sylvia Plath a bit late, but I think we are decently knowledgeable about Chaucer. We sometimes may sound Edwardian and if we do, you should probably blame C.E. Eckersley's Essential English (this is how that life-long affair started, for me). And if anything, we bring another, perhaps even more inquisitive, angle to these strange things we are dealing with daily, in here.

But for the love of Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, don't you ever dare tell us what to think and with whom to talk. Don't call us stupid. Don't call us liars. Historical reasons prompted a durable allergy to sanctimonious speech and yes (I can only speak for myself) I will always, always react. Because we do not deserve the arrogance of people who have no idea of how it really was to grow up somewhere in Eastern Europe during the Eighties. Oh, and something else, lest I forget: being pariahs never bothered us - we can cope.

Other than that, we should go along just fine. :)

PS: @claraisabelcampohermoso, you probably don't know how your gif made me smile. Nadia will always be Nadia: a humble, warm person with a terribly heartbreaking story.

[fategoflatass]

My Fall 2023 Watchlist & Opinions

Welcome to the comeback of my reviews that no one expected! But hey, I think this would be a nice practice for me to develop my writing skills and my critical thinking (?).

Take in consideration this post will be long because #unemployed, so everything will be under the cut.

Ready or not (I sure am not), here I go!

Atarashii Joushi wa Dotennen

Comedy, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆¾

After an atrocious experience with an abusive boss, Momose decides to switch workplaces. Used to such a toxic environment, he never expected his new superior to be so goofy!

The most wholesome show you'll find this season, and one of the most I've seen in general!

The work environment is pretty much paradise, each and every character being the living representation of the sweetest and most tender cotton candy you'll be able to find.

While the comedy mostly relies on Shirosaki's sillyness, it never gets old. Alongside the laughs, you'll find yourself aww-ing to many, many scenes.

Also, the series is conscious of the way people takes it (no, this is not a BL) and dedicates some scenes to it by giving different double meaning scenarios (they're all wholesome, no need to worry about that). Just a heads up, in case you're not into this kind of thing.

Want to know more? There's a canonical bisexual character in it! And here I was thinking that we didn't exist for Japan.

Totally recommend for those gloomy days, or even when you just need to shut off your brain.

Dr. STONE: NEW WORLD Part 2

Action, Adventure, Comedy, Sci-Fi // ☆☆☆☆

No summary due to spoilers.

I don't think there's much I can say about this one? I mean, unless I want to spoil someone, and I'm not a spoiler kind of person so...

For those curious about my experience, I'm enjoying myself very much! I decided to give it a try since my best friend loves it, and I liked it so much I quickly got up to date with it.

Now, do I understand every single thing they talk about? Hell nah, do you know how many times I failed chemistry and physics?!

But besides that, this show is a pretty wild and fun ride. And not only the previous parts, but also this one! Again, don't feel like making spoilers but the quality hasn't lacked not even a little bit. The characters are still as charismatic and funny as they've always been, and the plot keeps getting more and more interesting as it progresses.

Only thing I can say without explicitly spoiling anything: one of these days, Gen will end up messing with the wrong people. Can't tell you what tells me that, but he's messy enough for me to be unable to think otherwise.

Hametsu no Oukoku

Action, Drama, Fantasy // ☆☆

Once benerated due to their wisdom, witches are now being hunted down by humans who accuse them of impeding the progress of civilization. Adonis, a human raised by a witch, swears revenge against those who took his mentor from him.

CW: instances of extreme violence, forced non-sexual public partial nudity

Yes, I watched this one. Yes, it's an edgy one. No, it's not fun.

As someone who's always down to anything that has to do with fantasy, magic and supernatural beings, as well as being able to enjoy the trashiest things in life, I had some hope in the plot. Not in the way that it might be actually good, but in the way that it could be so bad I could get some laughs out of it. Sadly, this series takes itself quite seriously.

Which wouldn't be a problem if it weren't because it isn't even that good. The characters are plain, the episodes feel longer than they should, and there are times where you can see it go all over the top.

A pet peeve I have is when certain abilities/powers have ridiculous names, and this show does that to a tee by giving them some of the dumbest/edgiest (not exclusionary) names I've seen in a while.

"Do they even have to do with what each witch's magic is supposed to be?" I ask to the void in utter confusion.

"Absolutely not, but doesn't it sound rad?!" an easily impressed twelve-year-old exclaims from the grades.

Anyway, wouldn't recommend this show to anyone unless you're looking for an edgy power fantasy where characters die in gruesome ways not even five minutes after being introduced, magic type and all.

Also, can someone explain to me what does it mean to have "Natural Law" magic?

Hikikomari Kyuuketsuki no Monmon

Action, Comedy, Fantasy // ☆☆¼

After three years of becoming a total shut-in, Komari wakes up to find out she's the newest Commander in the Mulnite Imperial Army! Although she's descendant of a pretty powerful vampire family, she's rather inept when it comes to magic, even finding blood disgusting. Will her, alonside her maid, be able to make her path to success, or is failure awaiting for her around the corner?

Damn, this one took its sweet time to take off, only to crash and burn because the method was so cliché and overused.

The first three to four episodes are boring and not interesting at all, characters are bland as a wet piece of cardboard and the comedy excels at falling flat.

(Mild spoilers ahead, because I couldn't care less about this one)

And now you mean to tell me your seemlingly powerless main character is actually OP, only that under hypnosis? I didn't need to be a hound to be able to smell that crap from miles away, now did I?

But let's leave that aside to talk about Vil, A.K.A Male Gaze 101. I understand why she's attached to the protagonist, don't get me wrong, but did she need to sexually harass the protagonist or...? Also, how could I forget about the time where she almost forced Komari to pee herself in front of her!

Bro, if I were to know this was an omorashi hentai wannabe I wouldn't have given it a chance.

Anyways, if you're into any of the things I've mentioned previously, then enjoy yourself. This anime's definitely not for me.

Kamierabi

Action, Drama, Psychological, Supernatural // ☆½

A group of high schoolers see themselves forced to fight each other to death for the coveted title of God. Who will emerge victorious and claim their godly throne?

You have no right to ask that in the summary when you spoil the results in the first minutes of the first episode.

Let's be honest, if anyone is talking about this series is because Yoko Taro's name served as free promo. But did you know he's credited, not for the story, but for the concept of it? Big yikes, huh?

If you are a three-episode-rule kind of person, I assure you won't be needing that for this anime. One episode is enough torture, trust me.

The first minute is there to make sure you understand this story is different, is mature. There are no friendships, no love interests, only tons of suffering and betrayals. You know, what people back in 2011 probably went for when Mirai Nikki first aired.

Characters are not only boring as hell, but their designs are nothing to die for, heavely based on their assigned colors because you'll be forgetting their names the minute after they get introduced.

Fun fact: If you pay enough attention, you'll be able to see their phone cases' designs. Not only they look ugly, but they also spoil their so secretive abilities!

Speaking of character design, did you know the one in charge of it didn't even bother to create background character's templates? They all look like gray extraterrestrial things trying to pass as human beings, their never changing facial expressions being the cherry on top. This might be one edgy way of showing they don't matter to the main story, but it just feels super lazy. Also, this... artistic choice is just another spoiler, since everyone who has some sort of relevance has an established design. But oh well.

Fun fact: Every single one of these NPCs are gray, expect for a couple of them in episode six who are red and blue. One of them is the bad guy, can you guess who?

In summary, this show is utter trash. Wouldn't recommend unless you're as messed up as I am and like to watch crappy productions.

Kamonohashi Ron no Kindan Suiri

Drama, Mystery // ☆☆☆¾

When police office Totomaru is assigned to a serial killer case, he turns to Kamonohashi Ron for help—a once considered genius who, after a fatal mistake, got himself expelled from the top detective training academy and was forbidden to become one.

This is your classic detective show with the more normal character having to learn how to deal with the more eccentric one who's always really good at deducing. And I love it.

Yeah, it might be a copycat of other series with the same dynamics (like many other mystery anime), but they're all still dear to my heart. I just love them, man!

Every case they've introduced until now have been interesting and fun. It's been entertainting trying to think by myself what happened, who might be the culprit, how did they do it and why. As always, it's especially cool when you get close enough or, even better, when you were in the right. Serotonin kicks like those are always appreciated.

The dynamic between the protagonists is also really fun, Ron's shenanigans never getting old. Totomaru might not be having the time of his life, but I sure am!

If you're a fan of these kind of shows, then I totally recommend! If you're tired of the same scheme over and over again, maybe not so much. Would be nice if you'd give it a try, though!

Kanojo mo Kanojo Season 2

Comedy, Ecchi, Romance, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆¼

After their hot springs trip, Naoya continues his relationships with both Saki and Nagisa. Alongside Milika and Shino, they embark on a summer vacation full of romance with a fireworks festival, camping, and Okinawa. Chaos ensured.

There are not many series that touch upon polyamory which saddens me to a fault. The closest to this concept would be harem series, but a polyamorous relationship should never be a competition to see which whom does your "shared partner" choose to spend the rest of their life with.

While KanoKano isn't the best representation of this type of relationships (Saki often feeling like she's competing against Nagisa), it's not a bad series? Or, at least, not that bad. Rather decent, actually.

It's not boring, although it isn't the most entertaining series either. If I had to decide between KanoKano and any other series that touches upon polyamory (even if they do it with the tip of a stick, miles apart of the concept), I would probably go for Hamefura's canonical (albeit not in the way I would like it to be) Katarina fan club.

I just feel something's... wrong, you know. I get Naoya loves them both and that, in theory, both of them understand that, but I can't help feeling uncomfortable when Saki mentions this supposed competition the girls have (and the way they treat polyamory as "two timing" when that would imply it wasn't consensual?).

Besides that, it's a decent series to watch whenever you're bored. Not a masterpiece, but is not like it's trying to be one.

UPDATE: Rating has been lowered to ☆ as of 11/10/23. Visit the reblog section for more.

Kimi no Koto ga Dai Dai Dai Dai Daisuki na 100-nin no Kanojo

Comedy, Romance // ☆☆☆☆

Rentarou has been rejected a total of 100 times throught his entire life. Is when he visits a shrine and prays for better luck when he meets the God of Love. He reveals to Rentarou that he'll get to date 100 women in the foreseeable future. The catch is, once he meets them they must happily love each other. Otherwise, they'll die. What will be of Rentarou and his 100 girlfriends during high school?

He has arrived. The man, the legend. The harem protagonist of all harem protagonists.

Rentarou Aijou has arrived, and he's here to make you and your wife part of his loveable and excessively numerous family.

As I mentioned when talking about KanoKano, I've been looking for series that touch upon polyamory. And if you're like me, then you've just hit the jackpot!

While I'm conscious 100Kano is a parody of harem series and was never meant to be taken seriously, the way none of these girls are competing for the protagonist's exclusive love is refreshing. They're actually a pretty big family, always supportive of each other and down to give each other a hand or two (or twenty, if needed). They'll do anything they can to make their boyfriend the happiest man alive, and so will he with them.

There're no favoritisms whatsoever. Such concept as "the first one to arrive gets to win" does not exist in his agenda. In Rentarou (and every single one of his girlfriends)'s mind, everyone wins because everyone is his favorite.

An excellent series to watch by yourself or with your pals in case you're looking for something silly and easy to digest.

Kusuriya no Hitorigoto

Drama, Mystery // ☆☆☆☆¼

CW: infant death, classism, self-harm, kidnapping

Maomao lived a peaceful life with her apothecary father. Until one day, she’s sold as a lowly servant to the emperor’s palace. When rumours about imperial heirs falling ill surfaces, she puts her knowledge in medicinal herbs and poison to good use and finds a cure. It's then when she catches the eye of Jinshi, a handsome palace official who promotes her. The series follows Maomao as she solves numerous mysteries.

I can't explain just how excited I was for this one. As I said before, I love mysteries, but I also really like historical series. So when you mix both genres, you get characters who try to solve various cases with only the means they had yesterday.

Besides the art being drop dead gorgeous (alongside every single lady who makes an appearance in the story), the story is engaging and so much fun. The episodes are already a bit shorter than usual (albeit not for much, it's just me being petty), but the way everything develops makes it feel like they last no more than five minutes.

And Maomao—God Maomao! She's one of the best female main characters I've seen as of recently. She's not lacking personality—she actually has way too much, and I love that. She's so clever and capable at what she does, I bet it'd be so much fun to just stare at her as she picks different herbs or just stays still for hours, trapped in her thoughts.

I'm a sucker for good relationship dynamics and the one between Maomao and Jinshi is just *chef's kiss* exquisit. The way he's constantly trying to seduce her and she just stares at him in apathy or disgust (bonus for when she brushes off the places where he'd placed his hand on) are golden. I also love how what started as teasing and doubt about the other's true intentions morphs into genuine interest and maybe, just maybe, a tiny itty crush.

A pretty strong contestant for anime of the year, in my opinion.

Megumi no Daigo: Kyuukoku no Orange

Action, Drama // ☆☆☆½

The series follows three young firefighters who share the same goal—becoming members of the special rescue corps known as "Orange". We'll follow them from their early training days to the day they face the crisis that'll push Japan at the brink of collapsing.

I don't know about you, but I've never seen a series focused on firefighters. Yes, I know about Promare and Fire Force, but those aren't "real" firefighters, if you know what I mean.

Where's their daily life at the station, their training—just everything that comes with being one of them? I don't want flashy fight scenes against angsty twinks, I want to see people getting rescued from collapsed buildings and cats getting saved from trees.

Along with interesting characters and tense situations, all these making it difficult for you to not empatize with, Megumi no Daigo is here to bring us a peek on how the real deal is—with both the good, the bad and the ugly.

This anime is confirmed to be the prequel to a movie released in the 90's, so there's even more content in case you're interested!

Migi to Dali

Comedy, Drama, Mystery, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆

Twin brothers Migi and Dali pretend to be the Sonoyama's adoptive son, Hitori, in order to find out the truth behind their mother's death.

CW: (prepare your bingo cards) *inhales* forced non-sexual infantilization, forced partial nudity, forced non-sexual pet play, bullying, implied murder, classism, forced eating, non-sexual groping, surveillance, invasion of privacy, kidnapping and imprisonment. ~95% of these happen to a minor, so yeah.

While the main focus of the first two episodes was the comedy (it's still present in the rest of the series, just not as much), I didn't find it especially hilarious? It does give off Sakamoto vibes at times, but it never makes me laugh as much as the author's previous work did.

The mystery is still there, thought, and that's what keeps me coming back. The suspense surronding the twins' mother's passing is engaging, you genuinely want to find out what happened there and how the place where they've moved and its habitants are involved in the case.

Now, as I mentioned before this anime is disturbing and thus can be highly triggering for some. So please beware before giving it a chance.

Overtake!

Drama, Sports // ☆☆☆¾

Kouya is a professional photographer who, due to past circumstances, gave up his passion for taking pictures of people. But his fate changes the day he meets Komaki Motors, a family-run shop that regularly competes in F4 along with their only racer, Haruka.

CW: implied death (car accident)

Sports anime of the season, let's go! This time, about car racing. Never watched an anime like this one before, although I know Initial D is out there. I just haven't watched it... yet.

To be honest, I didn't expect to connect with the characters to this level. I got hooked to the story from day one and has been like that ever since.

The story is fun, the races will have you at the edge of your seat while cheering for your favorite team.

Because yes, I think the rival team can also be cheered on! Maybe their main face might not be the bestest guy, but Toshiki does deserve everything in this world and so much more.

And when it comes to the drama, it never comes out as over the top. Every single reason for them thinking, responding or acting the way they do makes total sense given their past ciscumstances.

Speaking of the characters, everyone here has enough personality to be separated from the rest: Haruka's overachieving and at times harsh demeanor makes a good contrast with Koutaro's more calm and playful behavior. And while Satsuki's charismatic, conceited and women-loving persona might be a pain for many, Toshiki serves as a good companion with his serious and ambitions being. And I could mention the adults, but I think you catch my vibe.

I so recommend this one!

Seijo no Maryoku wa Bannou desu Season 2

Fantasy, Romance, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆½

We follow Sei, an office worker in her twenties who was suddenly summoned to another world as a "Saint". Taking advantage of her natural love of plants, she started working at a medicinal plant research institute. We also get to meet Albert Hawke, with whom she's more than friends but less than lovers.

Season two arrived and I have yet to rewatch the first one, although I think it might be a little too late for that.

Don't go into it expecting a wonderful series because it is not (or, at least, it isn't for me). It's a pretty neat feel good series, but definitely nothing out of the ordinary. Just nice people living their lives.

Sei and Albert's relationship is as wholesome as always, I appreciate them taking their time and not rushing into making things official. It feels, I don't know... adult.

There's literally not much I can say about this one other than I would recommend for those who are looking for a nice and relaxing shoujo.

Shangri-La Frontier

Action, Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy, Sci-Fi // ☆☆☆¾

Rakuro is a "crap-game hunter"—a strong aficionado to clearing buggy and just straight up bad titles that aren't even compatible with the now more frequently used VR technology. The game he's chosen to tackle next is the widely aclaimed "Shangri-La Frontier" that counts with thirty million players and counting. Little did he know this decision would change his fate alongside with many other players he meets along the way!

I can barely count the times I had this much fun while watching a series, and I can count even less the occasions where a gaming-inspired anime made me feel this great!

I've found myself dumbfounded so many times at just how detailed Shangri-La Frontier is. It's obvious there was research behind it, the author's a straight up legend for dedicating so much time and passion to something others would've easily disregarded as another basic, boring ass medieval-inspired MMORPG.

The level of character customization (you can even modify their origins like ‼), the many monsters you find along the way, and tons of easter eggs that players have yet to find in their entirety! It's my first time saying this when it comes to gaming-centered anime, but holy hell I wished this game existed IRL!

And honestly, I identify with Rakuro a bit too much when it comes to enjoying crap. In his case, are bad games. In mine, bad anime. I would love to have a chat with him and share our experiences and disgraces that come with this harsh hobby.

SHY

Action, Drama // ☆☆☆½

When we needed them the most, they appeared! As we were on the brink of World War Three, individuals with superpowers appeared all around the planet with the only mission to mantain peace. They would eventually become symbols of their nations, their presence being enough to lower the crime rates. Teru, most known as Shy, is Japan's heroine. When a mysterious and menacing association called Amalareiks surfaces, Shy must join forces with her fellow superheroes to stop their plans, all while dealing with her shyness and, overall, her teenage life.

CW: violence, death, self hatred, intrusive thoughts

Would it be cool to call it the more mature version of Boku no Hero Academia?

I had the manga for this series on my pending list for a while and when I saw an anime adaptation was coming out, not gonna lie, I got quite excited.

Now, I have to admit it's not one of my favorite series this season. It might be the pacing that sometimes gives me the feeling the episodes are, although just a little bit, longer than they actually are.

I love the concept and how it's executed, I really like the characters and the setting in which they're established. The drama they all have feels realistic and you can easily empathise with them. In my case, Teru's constant conflict with herself hit a little bit too close to home.

I would recommend it to those who're looking for a more mature series while also wanting to watch shounen-esque scenarios.

Sousou no Frieren

Adventure, Drama, Fantasy // ☆☆☆☆½

The adventure's over. The Demon King has successfully been defeated and thus Frieren and her fellow adventurers make their way back home. Now a highly regarded mage, she goes back to her slow-paced life only to realize years later, while attending Himmel's funeral, how short human's life expectancy is when compared with her own near inmortality. Frieren then makes the decision to begin a new adventure in the search of new absurd spells and friends alongside whom she expects to understand what life means to them and just how impactful can be what she perceives as nothing more than an instant.

CW: death, grief, mild violence

Oh Lord, this one's painful. I've no idea how they managed to do it, but they got me attached to the hero's party so quickly and so deeply this crap had already scarred me on episode one.

This story's gorgeous, I don't think I have to explain myself on that. Besides the more than stunning art, animation and music that acompannies us during the entirety of Frieren's self-discovery adventure, the slow pace and quiet moments are quite the delight.

The characters we meet along the way are also fantastic, written with such love, thought and care behind you'll fall for them in no time.

I truly don't want to talk much about it since I think this is an experience that one must live for themselves, but trust me when I tell you this is something you'll never forget.

SPY×FAMILY Season 2

Action, Comedy, Slice of Life, Supernatural // ☆☆☆☆

The same as season one, only that now the family's heading on a cruise ship expedition!

I don't think there's much I can say about this one? The second season's been giving the same vibes I got from the first one, so a wholesome, found family-centered comedic slice of life about three persons who don't know each other at all and do their best so that situation never changes.

Anya keeps on being the chaotic menace she has been from day one, Yor is still one of the best mothers ever alongside a woman I would never dare look for a fight against, and Loid keeps on repeating his more than iconic mantra as he unsuspectingly falls asleep while dreaming about certain woman surrounded by a zillion flowers.

But, you know, anything for the mission.

When it comes to the upcoming arc, I'm excited for seeing Yor at work! Been dying to get anything like this, and I'm so glad my prayers have been heard.

Undead Unluck

Action, Comedy, Sci-Fi, Supernatural // ☆☆☆¾

All Fuuko wants is a passionate romance like the one in her favorite shoujo manga. Sadly, her Unluck ability deems this dream impossible. But that anguish will have to wait because Andy, someone with the Undead ability, takes her as his test subject to see if, thanks to her misfortune, he can finally rest in peace. It seems peace has never been an option, though, because certain secret organization has begun chasing after them.

CW: not-quite-concenting groping

If I took my sweet time to start watching this series was mainly because, for some hell of a reason, it gave me big Mashle vibes. Don't ask, I just thought the comedy would be similar. And since my humble opinion on Harry Potter 2.0 is that it has its humour stuck up its ass, you might understand I gave an olympic jump over Undead Unluck.

But then I decided to give it a chance and man, Mashle would never!

Not the funniest series I've watched, but I appreciate the multiple laughs it gave me.

Now, what I do not appreciate are the various groping scenes. If Fuuko were to consent all of those, then cool. Who am I to judge whatever two consenting adults (Fuuko's 20+, right?) do with their lives and bodies? The thing is, not every groping is consented by her, especially at the beggining. So yeah, beware of that.

Putting that aside, the characters are pretty cool and so much fun to see fighting or just interacting with each other. The ability system the series has is rather interesting, would love to learn more about it.

Watashi no Oshi wa Akuyaku Reijou

Comedy, Fantasy, Romance // ☆☆☆½

We've heard this story before: girl reincarnates into her favorite otome game and, since she knows her way down every route, she gets to win over her favorite bachelor. Only that, this time, it might not be as predictable. After all, who knows what's truly inside Rae Taylor's mind? Claire François for sure doesn't, especially now that she's going after her—the game's villainess!

CW: discussions of homophobia, classism, rae can be creepy at times

In the words of @arataka-reigen, “This anime is like if Maria from Hamefura was the one who got isekai'd and then fell in love with OG Katarina”. Couldn't say it better, pal.

While this series is not one of my favorites this season, the characters not going right down my alley and the pacing not being the best, I truly appreciate the cafeteria scene. I've never seen such a discussion over diverse sexualities adn homophobia in an anime before, and I can only clap to that.

And not only that, but it seems like it's going down a rather... interesting path. I mean, the whole classism that's present during the series, the "commoner" students' complains, the game's title being "Revolution"... I smell something nice.

Yuzuki-san Chi no Yon Kyoudai

Comedy, Drama, Slice of life // ☆☆☆¾

From the day the Yuzuki brothers lost both their parents, Hayato never stopped taking care of his little siblings, making sure all their needs are met and nothing's lacking. They share tears, laughter, and a specially unbreakeable bond.

I've no idea what might be the reason, but all these stories about family (whether related by blood or not being quite irrelevant) alongside the others where they include and/or center around pets are my weakness.

The four brothers feel like actual humans beings, their dramatic and joyful moments in life will definitely take you for a ride althought, admitely, it might not be the most intense one.

Hayato would do literally anything for his family and, honestly, same. Both Mikoto, Minato, and Gakuto are downright adorable and would love to pinch every single one of those cheeks like there's no tomorrow.

If a cutsie family-center slice of life it's what you're looking for, look no further. But if what you want is a drama in general, then I would recommend Frieren first.

If you reached the end, thank you so much for reading! I literally stayed up til 2 AM to finish writing this (and I didn't even include the titles I dropped), so yeah. Highly appreciate!

[theoriginalnikegirl]

I'm finally to a point where im happy with ALL of my animorphs playlists so im making a new pinned post with all of them:

They are all (except one) in the vicinity of an hours length bc i made these to share and i feel like you should be able to listen to any of these in a single sitting, two tops. I feel like you'll be able to tell who's who but I'll provide brief (ish) explanations under the cut just in case you care

While there are six playlists above there is not one for Ax. This is because while Ax appreciates many things about human culture he canonically dislikes music and also I can't even begin to fathom what he would listen to if he did

Meanwhile, Rachel has two playlists. This is because she is my favorite character and I think about her most often. One of her playlists "the original nike girl" breaks my "in the vicinity of an hour" promise but it's also more vibes based than any of the other playlists and the only one that's meant to be listened to on shuffle.

Her other playlist "Dirty Work" is based around my understanding of Rachel's character arc: her death was pointed to in the opening pages of the series and the entire length of the series was an exercise in a whole hecking lot of people (crayak/Drode, Jake, David, Cassie & Marco to an extent, etc) gaslighting her about what kind of person she was so that we could all sit here and say "Oh bUt shE wOUldN't bE aBLe To fUNcTioN WitHOuT tHe wAr" which to be clear is *not more true of her than any of the rest of them*. Yes I will die mad about this.

In Marco's playlist "RUTHLESS" my idea was really to challenge the idea that he coped with the end of the war better than the rest of them. Like, just because his coping mechanisms are higher-functioning than Jake's or Tobias' does not mean he's doing well. The entire series Marco acts like he's fine with the stress of the war and the *whole thing* with his mom but he is pretty clearly never for a single second fine, and personally I don't think that would be any different after the war. And I think I really managed to convey that with the frenetic tempo of this playlist so im really stinking proud of it

Cassie's playlist "to save some lives" has Americana/bluegrass/gospel/folksy vibes and I managed to incorporate a lyrical motif across several songs of going to a body of water and drawing from it until it was dry which convinced me of an interpretation of Cassie's character and role on the team being (what the other animorphs see as) a bottomless resource of justification for their actions which we see when Jake demands she justify creating the auxiliarymorphs in 50 and she finally has to say "okay. Then it's wrong. But we're going to do it anyway" and how that energy might carry her as the only survivor of the war

Jake's playlist "Brother Against Brother" is part of my ongoing campaign to rewrite the beaver book bc CIVIL WAR IMAGERY IS PARTICULARLY SALIENT TO JAKE FOR A FREAKING REASON. Ahem. But I am fixated on how personal and immediate the stakes of the war are for Jake specifically because he literally shares a roof with the enemy.

And finally we come to Tobias' playlist "A Kind of Freedom" which gestures at my understanding of Tobias as someone who wants to be happy at the same time he as he wants to wallow. he wants to sit in his sadness. and he does. And I am not judging him here because I was the exact same way when I was his age (which makes his books very hard to reread now) because he, unlike me, was not afforded the chance to grow up and learn what it felt like not sit in his sadness. Anyways yada yada yada there's a reason he didn't answer when the Ellimist asked him if he was happy.

Anyway, if anyone's read all this, I hope you enjoy these playlists as well!

[missgryffin]

big, /big/ sigh. 

Hi, friends. This is not a post I ever thought I'd make, but since I've been dealing with some behind-the-scenes harassment and another author has posted a tangent of false statements about me, I feel compelled to at least set the record straight and tell you my side.

After @maraudersftw voluntarily stepped in to take over @jilyawards, she tapped me to help with redesigning the JA blog and making the graphics to accompany all the typical posts. Claudia retained sole access to the Awards Google account, was the only person actively running the blog/answering asks, and was the only one keeping up with processing nominations. Neither of us would be voting. I was also intending to decline certain nominations if others made them. All of this was communicated to the author in question.

The only goal here was to move forward with the Jily Awards in as healing and empathetic way possible for everyone. I gave my opinion regarding the decision to not have the dark!James trope in the Awards, yes—as did many others—but it was not my final call to make. Much, much consideration went into that decision, and I stand by it fully. (If anyone wants to discuss my thoughts on that further, I am more than happy to chat over DM.)

When the decision was finalized, I informed an author who has a work that would not be eligible, as the work was and currently remains tagged for "dark!Jily," "Death Eater Lily," and "evil Lily Evans." Obviously, this is a tough conversation to have. We both were affected by the reckoning over dark!Jily/DE James this past spring, and though I knew she would disagree with the decision, I expected to have a civil conversation and hoped to reach a point of understanding.

I discussed our rationale at length, as did Claudia. We explained repeatedly that this was not a "punishment." This is the Jily Awards equivalent of the prior conversation and agreement to tag dark fanfic as "dark!Jily" so as to remove it from the "Jily" tag, where many members of the community voiced valid concerns over being unable to avoid content they found triggering and deeply offensive, despite their best efforts to do so. All of this was communicated to the author in question.

Several hours later, the work in question was updated, along with a corresponding Tumblr post, stating that multiple dark!Jily fan fictions were eligible in the Awards and tagging the Jily Awards Tumblr account, bringing the advertisement to our attention. I confronted the author about this post and requested she take down the misrepresenting language. To date, she has not done so. I shared the conversation with Claudia, and great care went into drafting a post that would correct any misunderstanding without singling out the author (which would have been embarrassing and unnecessary). All of this was communicated to the author in question.

Not long after that, more public/internet harassment started, and I blocked the author in question. Yesterday, on Halloween (the last day of Jily Awards eligibility), the author in question posted the first chapter of a long-hyped, non-dark, Muggle AU story. Unable to reach me otherwise, the story opened with an Author's Note that was a message directed at me. A few hours later, the story was deleted. Had the story remained up, it would have obviously been eligible for the Awards, so why it was deleted remains unclear.

The subsequent behavior of the author in question led to the decision to halt the Awards.

Friends, I am the first one to advocate for DLDR. I dabbled in the DE!James trope, even if my James was really an undercover good guy all along. I believe that fiction does not equal reality, and that creators have every right to explore dark themes and tropes within fiction. I do not, and have never, judged, shamed, or ridiculed any author or reader for engaging with dark fic. I have said all of this before. But I ALSO believe in being a good community member. Community requires listening. Community requires compromise. When people come to you and say, This trope is actually deeply offensive and triggering to me and others, and here's why, ignoring that and continuing to blast that content into community/gen spaces where they can't avoid it (like the Awards) isn't just irresponsible, it's downright cruel.

It's okay to write content that's not for everyone. (I do.) It's okay to have gen fandom Tumblr events that celebrate a ship and exclude fringe content that is not representative of that ship as it's canonically known and sought. It's okay to have gen fandom Tumblr events that celebrate a ship and exclude fringe content that fandom members have expressly stated causes offense and hurt. That is not censorship—that's having a party and setting a menu that's considerate of known dietary restrictions. ***It's not personal. It's a simple respect of community boundaries.*** And maybe boundaries for triggering topics were not always brought up or addressed in prior Awards, but we all know they were brought up after last year's, and under Claudia's leadership and with my help and support, they damn well were going to be respected now.

All of this was communicated to the author in question.

The insinuation that I was trying to "remove the competition" or however it was phrased is so unhinged it's honestly laughable. This is about so, so much more than just getting a cute little Canva-designed card with your name on it. (That's the part that's simply meant to be fun.) It goes without saying, but had the Awards continued, I would have had no qualms about removing myself and my stories from consideration entirely. The engagement I get from readers enjoying stories with me is more than enough; any nomination nod or cute little Canva-designed card, while of course much appreciated, is the icing on top.

I understand that I'm the current target of a lot of vitriolic anger because I was the messenger. I've obviously taken measures to digitally protect myself, including turning off asks entirely. If you actually believe what the author in question said about me, I don't care to hear about it. If you don't like me, I don't care to hear about it. I'm here to write and vibe about Jily.

Maybe the fandom—fractured and traumatized as it is—wasn't ready for this. We wanted to try.

post script: To tHe pErsOn I knOw is rEadiNg tHis riGHt nOw:

[mr-clow]

Ensemble 2: Greed and Politics. Part 2:

Six months had passed since the initial attack. Quatl was now on the podium, informing the other delegates that had joined the war the current situation.

Quatl - My speech has been sent previously to your translation units, any doubts please wait until the report is finished.

Quatl scanned the ample room that was barely occupied by fifteen different creatures. Al waiting to hear has been fished out of the war on humanity only for them to start arguing who would keep what.

Quatl - The war has progressed a lot faster than expected and with minimal losses. The first five standard rotations (Ten human days for the reader) were the cruellest, where we had the 90% of the total deaths and all the ships lost were during that period. After that, during the following 30 rotations, humanity retreated to the inner section of their system, fleeting with nothing more than what they could carry with their hands. As stated before, the humans cannot be trusted, so we established a barrier around the system, only stopping the ships that were trying to leave the system. No human ship tried to leave and we assume that at the moment more than 89.000.000.000.000 humans are enclosed in that area. Sanarin and KalHal governments had been sending food to support their allies and we cannot stop them by the same council rules that we established to protect ourselves. As for now, nothing more than food has been taken inside the system, so there is nothing to worry about.

Quatl watched as several symbols of approval crossed through the different species. They all chipped in prepared for war with one of the most vicious species on the galaxy and suddenly this overgrown monkeys had shown their cowardly side, nothing could have been better.

Quatl – Now, we know that humanity faced a civil war, the actual ruler is a female without any experience in combat and deemed mentally unstable. Their industry resources are lacking, they are short on fuel, and as a civilization right now they cannot distinguish top from bottom. We will have an additional meeting to speak about the profits of this war, but I assure you, the bounty is plentiful. I would prefer if we coordinate said meeting before the replacement delegate of the Spin’d arrives, as the latter abandoned her post.

Quatl went down of the podium as voices of approval follow him. After reviewing a couple of documents with the rest of the present members, he went to Kiltnik office, as he had some doubts that the smart Rajne might solve. He went in and clashed on the resting surface that was set up against the wall. Kiltnik looked at him and sat on the other side of the desk.

Kiltnik – I am really impressed, we made out with 37 worlds, five of them already terraformed, a few others habitable and all the rest are full of resources.

Quatl – Yes, humanity have a superb sense for valuables. Now that we have taken all of their colonies, the commerce inside the council will reach levels never seen before.

Kiltnik – The most important question still remains unanswered, though.

Quatl – Don’t worry, I have a plan to convince those brutes that the planets we are going to give them are worth more than all our share together.

Kiltnik – I don’t have any doubts about that. I am wondering what will we do with humanity.

Quatl – That will be easy, but we need time. Eventually the other species will stop sending aid and humanity will have to perish or drag to our feet. They already ran like scared prey to they own system and we blockaded them. Maybe the civil war will make the job for us and humanity will kill itself.

Kiltnik – That is a good prediction. Sadly we can not stop the Sanarin and KalHal from sending them aid, but maybe shall we convince them in other way?

Quatl – When they see the share they missed, they will start doubting. Meanwhile, they are not bothering us with other things, so let’s wait a bit more.

Kiltnik – That means that you are not here to talk about humans, nor the share, what do you need to know?

Quatl – You should learn to do some small talk, ease those around you to be more receptive.

Kiltnik – You know that is not the way of my people.

Quatl – Well, well, alright. Do you know what happened with Gnacht? The Spin’d wouldn’t change their delegate just because.

Kiltnik – As you might expect, their central government got an anonymous word of the opportunity they lost because of her decision. It was an obvious response. They should have been on our side, now she will pay for it.

Quatl – I enjoy easing people to submission as much as you enjoy destroying their careers. We make an excellent team. I hope we stay on the same side for the rotations to come.

Kiltnik – That word is empty, make sure I’ll be on your side and I’ll do the same.

Quatl – And you should work on your ability to read between lines, but yes, the same as I said. I have to leave, remember to hand me your selection for the loot.

Kiltnik made a gesture to leave Quatl at ease as he reached for the door. Quatl happily walk to his room, he would leave an absence note to dismiss every appointment that required his presence, and he would bury himself to enjoy a long-lasting and well-earned meal.

[alluralater]

hey<3 I'm thinking about making a blog similar to yours, do you have any advice for bashful beginners and keeping safe online 🌸

hi there! ahh yay! how exciting! i'm not sure how much like my blog you mean so [takes off my silly hat and puts on my serious hat] buckle up cause this is gonna be a long one and quite in depth <3

if you're looking to make a blog like mine i would definitely encourage you to keep up conversations around consent, communication, and safety. make sure others are reminded that you are a person, not a fantasy or an object for fantasies to be projected upon. we're on horny tumblr, getting excited is normal. what is not normal or healthy is to forget that we (nsfw content creators) are real people with feelings and consent, preferences and boundaries. creating content like this whether text posts, pictures, audios, or some combination thereof— is a vulnerable position to be in. yes we choose to do it, yes we enjoy it. but no, it does not mean that we are ringing the bell for everyone under the sun to imagine we have no limits past those in their fantasies. i am a very reasonable person and i am also swift in my handling of something when i understand that someone is more interested in disregarding my boundaries, because consent and personal limits are non-negotiable. your boundaries mean something.

check your following!!! i vet every single follow on my blog. people might think that's tedious but personally i can't feel comfortable posting unless i know the people who are consistently seeing my content (following me) are of age. if you have a lot of minors reblogging your content— [projectile vomits and then wipes mouth] it's because they're passing it around with some sort of idea that they're welcome in an adult nsfw space. so yes i block follows in batches and do around 60 every 12 hours or so. some men, some weirdos, some blank blogs, and ones without age in bio/theyre a minor. yes i know this is a lot but i started doing it when i made my blog because unlike other people i am posting my face and my name and my life so it matters a LOT to me that they be kept safe faaaaar far away from my blog. of course i cant do anything about people (adults that reblog my content to their blog where they have minors following) disregarding my consent in the matter aside from reporting their account but that just says more about them than it ever will about me.

i encourage you to truly keep your wits about you when making mutuals as some (while publicly popular) are quite privately harmful. remember that no one is entitled to you and you owe no one anything more than simple civil human decency. never feel bad about blocking someone or not following someone. never feel bad about not messaging someone back. your time and your choices are your own. remember that if you start a blog like mine, you may end up having quite a bit or reach when it comes to informing people on certain topics. to imagine i have no platform whatsoever is silly, because i do. i can randomly post about whatever i want but if it harms someone, i cant just be like "tumblr is a silly site and my blog is just about me i'm so quiet and smol pls dont look at me anymore now that i'm in trouble" like no. my voice matters and the people who connect to it matter to me because they're part of my community. so remember when you enjoy the benefits of a large audience, you will also bear the responsibility of a large audience.

i personally conduct myself the same way online as i do irl (yes including the sexual stuff) and that's why my irl friends follow me on here. i would recommend you be genuine. if you're shy and deeply very sexual, be that! be yourself :) authenticity creates balance. on that note, keep whatever info to yourself that you so choose! do not give out your location. i cannot stress this enough. only one person on this site knows where i live and that's it. sometimes people from here (tumblr) see me out and they're like hey! and im like hi! and that's cool but i will never disclose my location or go beyond a quick little hangout because you just never know. on occasion i will become actual friends with people from tumblr and they'll become my irl friends but i'm careful. people see me on tinder and they're like hey i know you from tumblr! and im like oh yay how fun! but i once again have to be very careful because people will hold these preconceived notions about my consent without actually... knowing or asking. so i deeply encourage you to never and i mean never give out your address and be careful of what little details about your life that you allow out there. i use my real name and obviously i post pictures of myself on here along with my voice because i think of tumblr like any other social media and i have no problem with any of the things i post being known to anyone in my life. if you want to start a blog like mine, figure out how much of this you're willing to let into other parts of your life. be very safe and figure out what your boundaries are when it comes to online vs. irl.

[puts back on my silly hat]

okay now onto the fun stuff! posting content!! what's your style? what is your vibe? stick to your strengths and dont be afraid to try new things :) personally i wanted to start a pic series of me jumping in front of my mirror and posting one with me in the air and another with me on the floor/bed cause i thought it would be funny but i forgot and just now remembered it. or like cartoon foods that look better in cartoons than irl. okay so maybe this isn't about sexy content but still lmfao!! post whatever you like and do so with the understanding that you are SO fucking hot. i encourage you to be mindful of the way you talk about yourself. it's okay to be nervous or honest about how you feel about your vessel but don't just go around bashing yourself. if someone has a body similar to yours and they see something like that, they're sure to be incredibly disappointed/sad with themselves even though they too are lovely! i hype myself the fuck up on my blog and keep up with making sure i'm regarding myself as a beautiful creature of mother earth, as well as telling others the same :)

[clicking my tongue] uhhh. hm. lemme think. because my blog is more than just an nsfw blog i do a LOT of things here, including giving advice or addressing important topics. personally i believe sex encompasses many things so it all fits comfortably. and most importantly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dont forget to be silly about it :) you are not one-dimensional. you can be multifaceted and fun and goofy about things. i love having fun and doing good at the same time. remember things like empathy, honesty, kindness, communication, safety, aaaaand yeah! i think you'll do wonderfully <3

p.s. personally i've gone through a horrendous amount of grief in the last two years and it has certainly shaken me a lot. my blog is much different than it was a year ago. it makes me tear up when people regard it as something still worthwhile, so thank you

[scarubaru]

I've never read anything by Charles Taylor, but based on this review I have a few disagreements:

He worries about the modern conception of the self—what he has called “the punctual self”—which he takes to be rooted in Enlightenment thought, and about the primacy it accords to autonomy, reason, and individual rights.

Really don't like that. Ok autonomy, reason and individual rights should be secondary to what, exactly?

We once lived in an “enchanted” universe of agreed-upon meaning and common purpose, where we looked at the night sky and felt that each object was shaped with significance by a God-given order. Now we live in the modern world the Enlightenment produced—one of fragmented belief and broken purposes, where no God superintends the cosmos, common agreement on meaning is no longer possible, and all you can do with the moon is measure it.

I'm making a critique of a writer through another writer's critique here, so maybe that's not fair, and maybe Adam Gopnik's reading of Charles Taylor is producing a skewed version of what the man is really about. But the notion that we would be better off by having our individual reasoning of the world subsumed by appeal to a sense of 'enchantment', and that this enchantment is in turn the product of a God-like authority's design strikes me as both terribly regressive and naïve.

Also, not to make this another STEM vs Humanities discourse post, but why is it such a common refrain that understanding the physical world makes it less enchanting? Do the people who make these claims ever bother to study, say, celestial mechanics, and think 'wow, it's pretty amazing that a theoretical framework established over 300 years ago allows to not only predict the motion of the planets, but also to land on the moon?' Like yeah, we can do a bit more with the moon than just measure it. We can go there. I don't know, but I feel there are plenty of scientists and engineers who deeply appreciate art, but not many writers and philosophers who do the same for say, physics or chemistry.

The last fifty pages of “Cosmic Connections” pivot decisively from the intricacies of poetic imagination to the specifics of contemporary American and Canadian (and, secondarily, European) politics—toward the social interspace, so to speak. A long section turns to questions of white supremacy, civil rights, national identity, the rise of Trumpist populism, and so on. A successful self-governing republic, Taylor believes, requires a community of shared purpose and a common space of deliberation. Antagonistic groups must go beyond the narrow aspiration of winning a contest against adversaries and come to one another with a sense of mutual recognition and regard. And the people best able to make this case, in Taylor’s view, “are people who are deeply rooted in their spiritual sources, often religious.”

Yes, we could certainly solve our ideological divides if disparate groups could establish consensus. I am just deeply skeptical that this consensus is attainable through increased religion and spirituality. This feels like an appeal to the notion that religion, and only religion, inevitably establishes social cohesion. I don't think such a notion forms the basis for a liberal society. I don't think it is necessary or wise to have to appeal to divine authority to establish moral norms and regard people you disagree with as people.

Again, I'm writing all this through another writer's view of Taylor, but if this is an accurate view of his ideas, I disagree with those ideas strongly as regards to politics and the natural world.

[basedkikuenjoyer]

To the town of Agua Fria rode a stranger one fine day...

This is not exactly a first-time playthrough. But I am ripping through yet another of one of my all-time favorites. Because apparently Fallout: New Vegas became a staple of Millennial trans culture and at times I do live up to stereotypes. You should see how wide-eyed I get at opportunities to use heavy machinery around the greenhouse. At least my PoliSci degree is useful here, because everyone knows the most fun thing in video games is complex political scenarios!

Seriously, we have a fun action RPG here but if I wanted that I'd pick up Fallout 4. Which I quite like a lot in it's own right. But there's something about the charm of New Vegas. Sorta become a Christmas tradition to play it while cooking my parts of the big get-together meals. How can you not love this beautiful concoction of 50s sci-fi B movie and old Western? Cowboys & Aliens shouldn't be just one random forgotten movie it should be an entire subgenre complete with it's own Samurai & Aliens analogue. World is bullshit sometimes.

Giant fuckoffty Gatling laser chem fiend build this time because I have spurs that jingle jangle jangle and usually rely on the Big Iron on my hip. Never done Sneering Imperialist in Honest Hearts before and yeah we're doubling down on the evil with enthusiastically supporting my original and current decision to the big question it all builds to. Who should Courier Six tip the scales toward in the battle for Hoover Dam? (Which I can never take seriously due to how many times I saw Beavis & Butthead Do America as a kid.)

House Always Wins bay-bay! And don't you dare sully the good name of this captain of industry by comparing him to Fuccboi Prime Elon Musk. Game gives you three factions and the choice to go it alone. The New California Republic, or the best candidate for the US government's successor on the West Coast. Caesar's Legion, a pack of Roman cosplayers complete with slavery and aggressive chauvinism while still being anti-drugs so like...wtf? Not a serious choice. If I have to endure a post-apocalyptic Mojave Desert I am going to make Hunter S Thompson look like Carrie Nation. You dorks managed to conquer Arizona, stop the fuckin presses (<3 you Piper).

Then you have Edwin House, an old CEO of a robotics Corp from before the great war on some kind of space-age life support for 200 years with a great big boner for Las Vegas. Yes, he's kinda a total douche but his goal is to mostly maintain Vegas as a city-state with his advanced robots. He's the one I lean towards because his resources at hand don't allow him to do much more than that and while he isn't perfect he seems content to operate through finding someone he can just pay. Doesn't seem too big on moralizing and honestly he's kinda funny. Like, recruiting tribes to fill out themed casinos is such a weird way of bringing "civilization" to the wasteland but...they did it willingly and it's been working pretty well. For all the shit Freeside gets even it's pretty stable by wasteland standards.

Obviously if you decide the main character Courier Six is a saint who'd never do wrong Wild Card where you do it yourself is the moral choice. But the kicker to me is that House and his agent sorta keep each other in check, especially if Courier Six has stuff like Big MT in their back pocket. House is ultimately doomed to fail because he only has so many of his big robots and his explicit goal is mostly about trying to get technological progress back on track. He can't really project power though. He's fine working with the NCR but they'll win in the very long game. Vegas staying a city-state that the Republic needs to sit down and stabilize if they want to oust is good for both sides and it'll get the Legion out. That's my view at least.

[heavenlymorals]

Vikings ask what was ivars relationship with his brothers

Hello and thank you much for the ask, I appreciate it, considering that this blog almost always seem dead, lmao-

Anyways, as for Ivar's relationships with his brothers, here are my thoughts, based mostly on what we see in the show:

Bjorn: I don't think that Bjorn and Ivar had much of a relationship, if they had a relationship at all. There is never a moment in the show where we see Bjorn and Ivar in a cordial manner before or after England. They barely have an scenes together that aren't about the Civil war or Ragnar's death. Even still, before they went out to sea, we see that Bjorn just doesn't care, evidenced by the way he does nothing when Halfdan slyly mocks Ivar about him not being able to raid with them. He doesn't care when Sigurd dies, so why should he care about Ivar? Maybe when he was younger the two of them had a relationship where Bjorn would play with him for an hour or so and leave till next month, but as Ivar grew older, its just quite obvious that both of them are apathetic to each other at best and outright hostile to each other at worst.

Ubbe: I think that Ubbe's role as the eldest made him forced to be this sort of surrogate father figure to his brothers, so that is what I imagine him to be to Ivar before what goes down in York. We can see him encouraging Ivar, listening to him, defending him from the people who mock him, and just being proud of him in a way that resembles more a father's pride than a brother's. I do believe that Ivar still respected Ubbe at least somewhat as a brother after his mess-up in York, but when Ubbe sided with Lagertha, that was when all respect was gone. You can see in the negotiations between Ivar and Lagertha that Ubbe was still trying to use his position as an older brother and father figure to get Ivar to consider a truce, but again, Ubbe literally sided with his mother's murderer, so why would Ivar listen (Yes, I know that the Kattegat civil war eventually spiraled into a power grab for Ivar more than revenge, but that doesn't matter rn)? After that, I don't think there was much of a relationship left, mostly bitterness, animosity, and perhaps a sadness of what could've been.

Hvitserk: I feel like Hvitserk was that cool brother that Ivar had, who was less worried about keeping him safe, and thus wouldn't care about treating Ivar like glass, which in turn Ivar would love. i feel like that was their relationship before York. Hvitserk would fight with him, encourage him, refuse to acknowledge his disability in the way that Aslaug and perhaps Ubbe did. He made Ivar feel like an equal, which I am sure that Ivar appreciated. Post-York, I feel like Ivar got too drunk with power and began pushing Hvitserk around and straight up bullying him as well. He began to lose respect for Hvitserk at this point too and I am sure Hvitserk felt the same, with the only difference being that Ivar is a natural-born leader while Hvitserk is a natural-born follower. Burning Thora was obviously the turning point for Hvitserk and whatever little respect he had for Ivar was gone at that point. Then Ivar gets kicked out of Kattegat and Hvitserk starts getting high on shrooms and I believe that afterwards, they both get sober. Ivar gets sober from the power he deluded himself to have and then supports Hvitserk through his addiction as well. At that point, they only had each other so whatever grievances they had before was water under the bridge (whether this is good or bad writing, I will leave it to you, dear readers). This made them have a bond that unbreakable in the end, leading to the final battle against Alfred.

Sigurd: I feel Sigurd and Ivar didn't always dislike each other, but it was more so something that happened over time. Obviously Sigurd was jealous of Ivar for stealing his mother's attention away from him, and unlike Ubbe and Hvitserk, he never was given a moment to remember the love of his mother before she became queen and he probably didn't remember his father period. That would make anyone be bitter and Ivar's attitude definitely did not help. He is snarky, sarcastic, and a huge brat, and that probably got on Sigurd's nerves as well, giving him an excuse to exercise his resentment without being the sole aggressor. But still though, blood is thicker than water and all that, so they obviously still cared for each other, even if only somewhat. You can see the worry on Sigurd's face when Ivar comes back from England. I mean, shit. Ivar was the one who killed Sigurd and was the only one who was crying about it in the funeral. Whether from mourning or just guilt remains ambiguous. If Ivar is good at anything, its wearing his heart on his sleeve, so I don't think he was faking it. They hate each other, sure, but they were still brothers. I think that is the best way to explain their relationship.

I hope this satisfies your question!

[clericofshadows]

take me back to eden

Description: Post-ME2 prologue.  Hannah Shepard asks for a meeting with Kaidan.  They end up having a conversation far more productive than either of them imagined, and Kaidan contacts an old flame.

Paring: Male Shepard/Kaidan Alenko, Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani, Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard/Zaeed Massani (past)

Notes: I wanted to write a conversation between Regis and his mother, but this happened instead.  I’ve only written in Regis’s POV so far, but this was a fun dive into Kaidan.

Kaidan stared at the glass, swirling it slightly to stir the ice and drink together before taking a sip.  Freshly brewed lemonade.  A surprising choice to have in an Alliance brass's office, but one he'd take over alcohol.

Because even though this conversation would be better with something stronger, he figured it would likely make things worse.

"How are you doing, Lieutenant?" Hannah asked, clasping her hands together on her desk.

"Been better, Admiral," he admitted.  The memory was still fresh on his mind.  Regis's last words continued to haunt him a month later.

He’s still on leave but getting closer to returning to duty.  It’s been long enough, even if he has more time to spend healing.  

Maybe getting back into the thick of things will help.

“Please don’t let it end this way, tell them I died on Alchera.  Please, not like this… not like… this.  Kaid–”

He closed his eyes for a brief moment.  "But I am healing.  Day by day."

"And sometimes that's all we can do," she said, taking a sip of her own lemonade.  "I never thought I would lose both my son and my husband while I still lived.  I know it's a lot coming from me, but even I'm here if you need it.  As the mother of your lover, and not a superior officer."

Surprised at how forthcoming she was, Kaidan tilted his head to the side.  "I appreciate that, ma'am.  I'm sorry for your loss."

She waved it off.  "We've all heard that bullshit phrase a thousand times.  Tell me how you really feel."

"Really?" Kaidan questioned, voice flat.

"This is an unofficial-official meeting, if you catch my drift." 

He figured it was since he still wasn’t officially back on the roster.

"Then, call me Kaidan."

"Do me the same courtesy and call me Hannah."

Kaidan took another sip of the lemonade.  Regis always liked lemonade.  Guess this is where he got it from.  "I'm angry at the Alliance.  I'm angry at all the events that led to us doing bullshit survey missions and strike teams on geth squadrons.  I'm angry that Regis left me with a request that I can't fulfill.  But all of it means nothing because I can't do a damn thing about any of it."

She nodded.  "I've tried everything to get them to do a survey to get his body, but nothing has happened.  Hell, Hackett has tried.  They're afraid of a similar attack or some bullshit." She took another drink, finishing off her glass.  "I was able to officially change how he died.  Explosion from the ship.  Still not what he would've wanted, but it's better nonetheless."

"You knew about that?"

She chuckled. "I deserve that.  Yeah, I knew.  It's something he confided in me during our weekly emails, not long after he enlisted.  Wanting me to pull my own weight to ensure he never died in space officially.  The one abuse of power he wanted me to do for him."

Kaidan knew that Regis had written conversations with his mother often, citing that it was the only way they could ever be civil.  He never really knew the contents, but he should not have been surprised to hear how cordial they were.  Maybe Regis's anger about his mother's overbearingness in his childhood influenced him more than he realized.

Regis influenced him in a lot of ways.

"Thank you.  I'm sure you've listened to the recordings."

"Yes." Her tone was clipped.  "Fuck, Kaidan,” she breathed out.  “How the hell did we lose someone like Regis goddamn Shepard."

He hadn't had many conversations with Hannah until now, meeting her in short bursts and over vid comms that were sparse.  This was clearly where he got his swearing habit from.

Regis goddamn Shepard indeed.

"I don't know." His voice broke a bit on the last word.  "I ask myself that question every day.  He managed to save both Williams and I in a blaze of biotic glory.  A fucking miracle.  But I wasn't able to convince him to get off the damn ship with me."

"For someone who embraced the Butcher title, he always had a heart of gold.  Always cared for those he trusted with a strong passion.  He would’ve stayed back to save every goddamn soul on that ship no matter what."

And that action killed him.  That golden heart he kept locked up tight for few to see got him killed.

Kaidan still can’t bring himself to answer Joker’s request to talk.

Because right now, there’s no way in hell he can be civil, as unwarranted that anger might be.

Still too fresh on his mind.  Still too painful to really think about.

He powers on, nevertheless.  

"You know he never wanted it."

"I know.  I was always so frustrated with him for not fighting back.  For accepting the burden.  I never hated him for making that decision; hell, I was proud of him for it.  It took balls to take that upon decision himself and ensure no one else got the fall from it.  No, I was angry that he let it wash over him, that he took the title and made it part of his Alliance career," she ranted, her hands balling into fists.  "And I never told him that.  And maybe that's because he never let me.  Fuck, I couldn't even push back against my own son."

Kaidan was there for some of the sleepless nights, the anguish in Regis's screams about the mission.  His nightmares that plagued him, the ghosts of his squad that died on his mission blaming him for their deaths.  

He was there when Regis got his squad’s old symbol tattooed on the back of his neck, and he was there when Regis painted the symbol on his armor, nearly breaking regs in the process.

He was there when Regis cried about his mother hating him for the decision.

"You should've," Kaidan said, voice hardened by old memories.  "I was there for the fallout.  You weren't.  And that had a larger impact on him than he'd ever wanted to admit."

She pressed her lips together in a hard line and glanced away from him.  He followed her gaze to a bookshelf where two frames stood at the top.  Two official Alliance portraits.  One of Regis, and one of Atlas.

"He got his stubbornness from Atlas, and he got his dislike of space from Atlas.  Regis got so many things from him, and I always mourned the fact that they never got to know each other.  I did many things wrong during his childhood, but I was too afraid to let him go.  I let Atlas go." She took a deep breath.  "He was always a pilot at heart but hated anything larger than a frigate."

Keeping Regis close because she couldn’t do the same for her husband… it explained a lot.

"Did Regis know that about you?" He asked, not changing his tone.

"He did, but knowing doesn't change anything."

Kaidan finished off his lemonade, pushing the glass away from him.  "No, I suppose it doesn't.  I know I have a skewed view of you thanks to him."

Hannah shrugged.  "And part of that is also on me.  But I know for a fact that you loved him with a fierceness that Regis respected the hell out of.  He never wanted to let you go the moment you two got together, and I'm happy he had someone like you fighting by his side."

Kaidan blinked a few times to try and drive off the tears that were trying to form.  "I was going to propose to him after the mission, but we never had the time to make a trip to my family's property.  I was going to call you and everything.  Had my dad's ring waiting for him in my bedroom.  Dad wanted me to give Regis the ring he got from Mom when she proposed to him."

"I would've tried my hardest to get there.  And I'm sure you knew the story behind the ring on his dog tags.  And now it's fucking lost.  The last thing Atlas wanted to happen to his ring and of course it happened.  Feels like I'm burying him twice now." She shook her head, her eyes shining with tears.  "Wish I got out the hard stuff for this conversation."

A sudden wave of nausea washed over him.  Not only did Regis not want to die in space, but also Atlas had similar concerns about that ring.  

A terrible fucking fate.  

For a moment, Kaidan wished he were back at Eden Prime.  Where things all began.  Where things could still be different.

“What do you think about hypotheticals?  Or going back and changing things?  Would you ever do it?”

“No need for that kind of bullshit imagining.  I live in the moment.  What happens, happens.”

Damn you, Regis.

"There's still time," Kaidan replied, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

She reached under her desk and pulled out two bottles of hard lemonade.  Again, one of the few things Regis actually enjoyed drinking.  "Not the strongest shit out there, but it's damn near the only thing I actually like."

Kaidan couldn't help but laugh.  "Regis would always say the same thing."

"No shit."

"It's true.  I always teased him about his taste in alcohol.  He bemoaned my expensive taste in whiskey. One of those things we could never agree on."

"Atlas loved whiskey as well." She smiled, twisting the cap off the bottle, taking a swig.  "I enjoyed hearing how Regis 'abused' his Spectre authority to protect your relationship onboard the Normandy."

"I joked to him about it not thinking he would actually follow through with it.  I haven't heard anything about repercussions."

"There won't be.  Alliance sees a major asset in you, and they will be scouting you and Williams as another 'Shepard,'" she said.

Kaidan opened his bottle and took a drink.  "So, this is what this meeting was really about."

"Partially," She admitted, "but also to talk.  Because you and I both needed it.  So, what are you going to do about it?"

"Do the one thing he's wanted me to do for years.  Become an N."

“Good, I was hoping you would say that.” Despite her reddened eyes and flushed cheeks, Kaidan saw how quickly she shifted back into Alliance mode. “How much did you know about Regis’s teaching program?”

“Lots, because I indirectly contributed to it,” Kaidan admitted. “Regis and I were unique in the sense that we learned our biotics together, so we picked up tricks that were no way standardized by the Alliance, but better than anything they’ll ever come up with.”

“So, you knew he was implementing new training programs for recruits and accelerated N programs for biotics?”

Regis always said Hannah was a better superior officer.  

“The new training programs, yes.  The accelerated N programs? No, tell me more.”  He leaned forward.  “Were there already accelerated N programs, but not tuned to biotics?”

“More or less.  You could do the typical training at the villa and the off-planet work.  It’s what Regis did, even though it was clearly not rated for biotics, not taking into account the differences in biology, metabolism, and general stability.  On the other hand, there’s a far less advertised route that’s all about mission work.  You’ll still do the first N training and become an N1, but after that, you’ll be scouted for specialized spec ops assignments.  Damn near suicide missions at times, but equivalent to the tests for N2-6.  N6 to N7 is gained the same way.  Basic gear, low oxygen, stranded on an asteroid.  Survive.”  Hannah explained.  

“Regis’s ideas gave different objectives to biotics in existing challenges, allowing them a better chance at not bottoming out too early and too soon.  He also advocated for a pure mission-based plan interspersed with other tasks.  Putting the recruit under short, but intense bursts of training, while also preparing the recruit to teach classes and squads of their own.  He also wanted full biotic spec ops teams.  Overall, less intense than N training, but in no way easier.  Difficult in a different way.”

Kaidan nodded, taking all the information in.  “And you want me to do what, exactly?” He asked.  “Am I going to be one of the first recruits?”

“Yes, but we also want you to finish what he started.  That in of itself will get you rising the ranks quickly.  I’ve seen your scores.  Regis won on the combat side.  You win on the biotic side.  Despite Regis’s aptitude with technology, I’d argue the two of you were damn near equal.  The numbers can go either way.”

“Don’t do yourself a disservice, Alenko.  You know damn well you spike higher than me, and you have better control.”

“Fair enough, but your programs have always stressed the limits of the Logic Arrest.  It’ll have to be a best two out of three to really figure out who’d win between us.  Results may vary.”

“It’s a date.”

Again, damn you Regis.

Too many fucking reminders.  They never did get that chance to test their mettle against each other in the combat sims…

Kaidan crossed his arms against his chest, furrowing his eyebrows.  “I see.  And Williams?”

“Normal N training, but I imagine she’ll speed through it,” she replied.  “What do you say, Kaidan?  Up for the challenge?”

“Yes.  But I’m not doing it just for him.  I’m not going to be another Shepard, and I’ll never be a Butcher in the same way he was.  If they want me, they’re getting Kaidan Alenko,” Kaidan said.

She smirked the same damn way Regis always would.  “I was hoping you would say that.  Good.  But never say never.  There will always be a mission that will define the type of soldier the Alliance will see you as.  I hope it’s not another Torfan.”  Her expression grew grim.  “The Alliance is going to do its best to mold you into a pseudo-Shepard and it’s sickening, but he did impossible things.  Of course they want another.” She shook her head.  “Stay true to yourself.  That’s all I ask.”

“I will.” It was an impossible promise, knowing what the future held, what Regis’s visions predicted.

He always admired Regis’s ability to take upon the hard choices without a second thought.  He could be ruthless, yes, but that never meant he didn’t care.

He had a goal in mind, and there were times he was going to do anything and everything to make it happen.

Hannah stood up and held out her hand.  Kaidan joined her and took it.  They shook hands before both falling into parade rest.  “I hope everything will work out, but we all know damn well that will never happen.  Good luck, Kaidan.  I wish you the best in your training.  Hackett will approach you later with more details.”

He knew a dismissal when he saw one.  “Thank you.  I’m glad we had this talk.  It… helped.”

And shed a lot of light on his newfound position.

Maybe he will be able to keep that other request Regis gave him.

“...Show the Alliance what you can do, and remember, make sure they know the Reapers are coming.”

“It did.  My door is always open to you, Kaidan.  Have a good rest of your evening.”

“Same to you.” He saluted, and she mirrored his action.

He walked out of her office and headed straight for the nearest rapid transit station.  

Back to his empty accommodations.  

Back to a bed without Regis.

Kaidan shook his head and adjusted his dress uniform as he stepped off the transit.  

A thought occurred to him.

It’s been some time since he messaged him.  Not since he informed him about Regis’s death and some honest truths about the matter.

Maybe it’s time he takes a moment for himself before he gets back in the game.

He activated his omnitool as he entered the apartment, closing the door with his foot, sending a quick message.  A moment later, a call request came up.  Despite everything, Kaidan smiled.

“I have a couple of days free.  Is it too selfish to ask for a moment of your time?  I’m on Arcturus, so it won’t be difficult to secure some transport.”

“Not during these days.  I was hoping you would ask. No point in being alone when you have someone who understands.”

“Where are you?”

“Not far from Vancouver, believe it or not.  Visiting an old friend.  Join me.  I have an apartment, a warm bed, and some expensive whiskey that Regis would’ve fucking hated.”

“Sounds like a date.”

“You’re goddamn right.  See you soon?”

“See you soon, Zaeed.”

Regis was the glue that brought them together back on Omega a few years ago.  

Kaidan wondered if they could forge something on their own, just for a moment.

Alliance soldier and a decorated merc.  

It could never work full time.

But for a few nights?

Kaidan yearned for it and yearned for more.

[loveloki555]

Civil War is not continuation of Age of Ultron

Here are my words from that reblog:

The MCU was good until 2015… Age of Ultron may not be a great movie, but that's where I draw the line… Old MCU/New MCU

Why am I not including Civil War…it's a good movie, it's not like Thor Ragnarok or Captain Marvel which confuse the chronology and start to reduce the entire franchise to pointlessness.

Civil War was supposed to show that the Avengers were responsible for their carelessness. Okay, this is a good thread. The only problem is how he does it. The writers won't think that Tony Stark taking Spider-Man on the team…doesn't work. Because Tony should make him realize that by supporting Tony…he supports signing up and taking off the mask. Peter doesn't know what he supports. He knows that Captain America has done something and he has to help because it's Tony Stark… How does this put the character of Tony Stark and the things he's come to understand in his previous films?

Also a political fact… suddenly the Accords are ratified and the Avengers are faced with a fait accompli. There should be a press conference something like at the end of Winter Soldier. They should present their case to the public… They should remind that Hydra recently infiltrated everything… and such a paralysis of their decision-making… may be beneficial for such entities…

Also, why did Ross blame the Avengers for the damage to New York… they were trying to stop the battle… It's not their fault, Loki is too smart. Not that it matters, I support Loki ruling Midgard;) But it's strange that the Avengers didn't remind Ross that this battle wasn't their fault. Maybe it's diplomacy's fault more… because they tried to fight and antagonize a being 1000 years older than them. Maybe if they sat down with Thor and Loki as mediators on the helicarrier… maybe the problems would be solved… or not… Loki, as usual, would be wiser. But at least they would try. (Yes, I'm a Loki fan… because first I'm a fan of Loki, and then I'm a fan of the rest of the MCU… Loki always comes first;)

I'm not sure how to rewrite Civil War to be more in line with earlier canon. Well…maybe remove Lagos and the Accords and start with the consequences for Ultron. Maybe some Senators want to take Tony's armor again. Maybe they'll decide the shield shouldn't be in Steve's hands. And in the background, involve this thread with Zemo and Bucky… Zemo could be this baron, an important figure from Sokovia who is publicly concerned about the fate of the world… and secretly works against the Avengers.

Civil War is a good movie… if we consider it the beginning of the New MCU Canon… which I allude to in this:

Because Civil War is not a good continuation of the threads of Age of Ultron. And neither is further MCU in general.

Age of Ultron threads

Hawkeye - having a family and a normal life, Laura tells him that in this world of gods and superhumans… he can make a difference… there is no continuation of this.

Thor - has a vision of destruction… what's more… it is said that he is guilty of it… how? Seeing at Thor Ragnarok, how can Thor be guilty of his father having an illegitimate daughter? What is Thor's fault in this? The vision talks about doom because of him, that he is a destroyer… that it is his personal fault… abandoned Loki plot?

Vision - is a consequence of Ultron's actions… and we don't have any storylines with it… how does he deal with it.

Thanos - already has the gauntlet. He has it. And he takes it from Asgard. I'm more betting on Loki offering it than war. But with a trick… Loki probably gave him the gauntlet, but he definitely kept the trick in his pocket.

Steve - sees Peggy's vision and knows that he has come to terms with the loss of what was… and he wants to continue building his life… completely abandoned plot.

Bruce - I don't know if Bruce was originally supposed to end up this far in space… Fury shows at the end of Age of Ultron that Hulk could have landed in the ocean, near the Philippines…

Also at the end of Age of Ultron, Thor says: someone has been playing an intricately game and has made pawns of us.

Another clue to Loki's abandoned plot? Because Thanos wants to destroy the Avengers at the end of Age of Ultron. Personally. There is no moral objection at all. He cannot be player making pawns. But Loki can. Because he was the one who played the game first and learned everything about the Avengers Team.

[my-strange-attraction]

I am a lesbian and I came across Lostryu’s post by way of a mutual of mine. I was curious and wanted to see your response. I have to say your rebuttal contains nothing of merit that could possibly fare as a proper argument. It’s chock full of contradictory statements and straight up lies. I am assuming you’re a USA resident, but the highest university with an LGBT+ population is Brown Univeristy; and only about 20-24% of people reported being LGBT+

As a fellow english major, it was painful to read. Constant contradiction with only half formed ideas; practically agreeing with Lostryu regarding the definition of lesbian only to backpedal…. And words do have meaning, that’s why we use them in our craft as wordsmiths. You can’t simply replace keywords with opposite definitions and expect your manuscript to make sense!

I also want to point out that you degendered Lostryu entirely, refusing to use correct pronouns. That in and of itself is very transphobic. I don’t really trust your judgment as it seems like you didn’t even care about reblogging from lesbian and transgender rape apologists.

I thought you might like to reflect on this, but I truly think you care more about your self-perceived moral superiority rather than actual people.

-🧁

Oh boy. Ok.

Well thanks for being so kind and civil and not attacking my character.

I know you don't trust me, but you gotta trust that a queerer school than Brown exists and I go to it. I can see where the confusion is, after doing a google search myself, because my school is pretty small and doesn't show up on a lot of searches for colleges in the US. I will give you that, after looking up the number myself, it's more like 50-70%, but I will tell you that less than a quarter of the people I know and talk to on a regular basis are straight and cisgender.

I'm not writing an english essay here, it's a tumblr post. If anything, this is a lot closer to how I would format a philosophy paper, which, if you've ever read one of those, are very rambly and have roundabout ways of getting to the point. Also, again, thanks for not attacking my character, here. Thanks for really respecting me and not discrediting my nearly completed degree. Really appreciate that.

I... have no words. I used they/them/theirs pronouns throughout the whole post, which, I cannot stress enough, are NEUTRAL pronouns. I use those pronouns for all people online, and I think most other people do too. Yes, I knew he used he/him and used they/them instead, but I also cut his username out of all my screenshots. I wasn't talking about him specifically, his post was just an excuse for me to explain a concept in depth, and explain why exclusionism such as what he was promoting is detrimental to the queer community as a whole.

I didn't include his username or @ him at all. It wasn't even meant for him to look at, really. He was an example, a nebulous person with an opinion I don't agree with. It wasn't personal, so I used neutral pronouns. I am really sorry it came across that way though, I never want to make anyone uncomfortable and I know pronouns are super important to pay attention to for some people. This is an actual sincere apology.

I don't think I'm morally superior, that's not the point. I don't argue with people on the internet in order to prove my opinions are right and that anyone else with different opinions has made a wrong and evil choice and is unredeemable as a person. Really this whole thing happened because the original post had some terfy red flags and even though op isn't a terf, I wanted to point it out so that people know how to spot it and avoid it.

And do I think it's bad for the community to exclude mspec lesbians? Yes, but I also understand where the frustration comes from. I don't think less of people who have that opinion, I just hope to change their minds, because I think a radically inclusive community is the best kind of community.