#and yes i wrote this because of bad takes i saw on twitter

[mari-lair]

It’s wild when I see people say Aoi is written only to be Akane’s love interest, cause Akane never hid that he is her boy.

He goes the extra mile just for a hint of her attention and had given the classic childhood friend heroine speech of "I’ll love my crush even if they never look my way."

It's framed as a joke but he is genuinely happy as long as Aoi exist, he can enjoy his life and look forward to all his days no matter how shitty they are (Teru bullies him, the clock keepers work him dry, he gets rejected constantly, and so on,) as long as Aoi is alive and happy.

He is ridiculously easy to please when it comes to Aoi.

And while Aoi does loves Akane, visibly being affected by him: As seen by her possessive attitude, her wish to be closer to him, and the way his hard work influenced her, she doesn’t try or want her world to revolve around him.

Yes, she will cry and crumble if he doesn’t like her because she cares deeply, their relationship is a solid part of her character, but she has plenty of hobbies and plans without him, most of her problems are caused by herself or society's views and expectations of her, she wouldn’t do what Akane asks of her or change for him, not unless he is asking for something she also wants for herself.

Let’s compare how they talk about each other for a bit.

The only time Aoi talks about her feelings for Akane is in chapter 84, which is very far into the manga.

And this exposition shows her envious and insecure side, how she admires kindness and wishes she was as lovable: It shows a conflict that says as much about Aoi’s character as it does about Akane’s character.

Meanwhile, Akane consistently talks about her, and most of his expositions don’t offer any substance to his character, other than “he is in love”.

The only exposition that says as much about himself as it does about Aoi is the one in chapter 24, which shows he stalks her, and Aoi encourages it, since she trusts him, and unfortunately, she have been in need of constant protection from a young age:

Even when Akane explicitly says he’ll talk about himself.

He doesn’t.

He  proceeds to spend the whole chapter talking about Aoi.

The only thing he says about himself in that entire rant is “I hate that part of you”, which he later admits was a lie, something that he used to have her stay and listen.

He isn’t just her boy, he has a life outside her, a very busy life.

As Aoi put it, “He works hard and is dutiful.” which mostly translates to ‘helpful and trust worthy’, so he is constantly seen giving other characters advise that works or making them snap out of their bullshit: He is the reliable one.

His classmates respect him , Teru trusts his judgement, and hell even Kou, who barely interacted with Akane had called him and not a close friend like Nene, when he felt powerless and needed help.

But no matter how seriously he may take his duties or want to help people, Akane has decided he was born to love and protect Aoi.

That’s his priority, always.

His only long term goals involve Aoi, he devoted all his heart and soul to her.

If she wanted Akane to change his style to clothes he would never wear on his own, or make him get into new hobbies, or tell him to score lower than her, he would do it right away: He is comfortable being her boy, he’ll throw his pride away with no hesitation for her and do anything to make her happy to an extreme even most ‘heroines’ I see wouldn’t cross.

The one thing Aoi made VERY clear despite never saying out loud is “Keep your eyes on me. Don’t flirt with anyone else.” and that’s a wish that Akane took to heart, to the point that he is the only character that stays ‘loyal’ to his love interest even on silly extra events, like the ‘kiss day’ arts.

Everyone else send a kiss, no matter if they have a love interest or not, since is just a fun little bonus.

Akane only starts to touch her when he is confident Aoi likes him too: When he assumes she wants him, before that he always kept a certain distance, understanding he ain’t entitled to shit just because they are childhood friends.

Akane is far from perfect, he can be selfish and self centered, his approach to help usually tactless, but at his core, he always seek to do what Aoi wants, no questions asked.

His devotion is extreme to the point of being unhealthy, but he isn’t lying or trying to please Aoi here: As long as she is alive, and enjoying life, he will be delighted doing any of the things she wants. Her best hairstyle in his eyes is always the one she chose to style, the best clothes are always the ones she wants to wear.

There is nothing he likes more than her. Or to make her happy.

Even what Akane loves to do the most, which is to gush about Aoi nonstop until he looks batshit insane, is something that she had encouraged and never complained, no matter how much it escalated, so he was convinced she loved the attention.

Once she is honest and admits she doesn’t like it, he immediately tries to drop it.

He still has an ‘I was born to love you’ mentally, he just stop putting on a show, or trying to make her heart flutter. Most of his displays of worry, affection, or ‘ill protect you’ became either quiet or casual.

...Still.

He can’t help but show his love loudly from time to time, he is cringe at heart, truly hopeless, but he is trying his best.

In short: Aoi is in desperate need for more character focus, but the one determined to make their life revolve around their love interest is clearly Akane.

[ouiouibaguettt]

Yellow

─ ⋅◈⋅ ━─┉┈◈❖◈┈┉─━ ⋅◈⋅ ── ⋅◈⋅ ━─┉┈◈❖◈┈┉─━ ⋅◈⋅ ─

ellie carpenter x reader

Y/N is the sister of Alexandre Lacazette here.

words: 2.8k

warnings: slight mentions of bad comments

→ two lovers in australia before the wwc2023!

→ inspired by yellow by Coldplay

Masterlist

 ─ ⋅◈⋅ ━─┉┈◈❖◈┈┉─━ ⋅◈⋅ ── ⋅◈⋅ ━─┉┈◈❖◈┈┉─━ ⋅◈⋅ ─

Look at the stars Look how they shine for you

Arriving at the airport after a 1-day flight. You took out the camera to continue the series of vlogs that you posts every day and which you started the week of the warm-up match against Ireland. 

"Hey guys how are you today? Personally I'm pretty good-" you said before being cut off by your teammate Selma Bacha.

"She's only in a good mood because she's going to see her girlfriend again tomorrow" she said before catching up with Grace Geyoro and Viviane Asseyi to escape you. 

"I mean she's right, I'm going to see Ellie again tomorrow." you say with a big smile before getting back on topic. 

"Anyway, we've just arrived in Melbourne to get ready for the game against Australia on the 15th of July. Honestly, I think it's going to be a tough match,  it's not at the same level as Ireland, even though Ireland had some very good players. So we're going to have to move our asses to try and win the match. I'll make a transition to show you my room at the hotel afterwards," you say before hiding your camera with your hand and turning it off.

And everything you do

Yeah, they were all yellow

Once you’re arrived at the hotel, and found out about the accommodation for the coming week, you were relieved to find yourself with Selma, your partner since the Olympique Lyonnais academy. 

"Yes, Y/N/N, we're in the same room", Selma said, jumping onto your back before bringing you down to the floor with her. 

"Yes I can read Selma" you say as you pushed her off your back to get up. Returning to the room, you take out your camera to resume the vlog. You put your hand back in front of the camera before taking it away to say.

"I'm back! So I'm going to show you the room," you say before starting to show the room. Once you’re finished, you dropped yourself onto the bed to conclude the day's video: 

"Well, guys, that was our beautiful room, so I'll see you tomorrow with Ellie! Sel' do you want to say something?" you asked your flatmate, "Yes, hang on, I'm coming" she said.

*big thump* 

"Sel' ça va?" you asked between two laughs, tears welling up in your eyes as the fall was so ridiculous. 

"Ca va" said Selma, getting up and walking more calmly towards you. "Kisses guys, sleep well, don't forget to support France for the World Cup please, goodbye" she said as she climbed back into bed. 

"You heard the boss, good night and see you tomorrow," you say, switching off your vlog before connecting the camera to the computer to post the video. 

I came along I wrote a song for you And all the things you do

As a player living under the shadow of your big brother, you were used to receiving comments like "you're not as good as your brother", "stop playing football", "well, lacazette's sister sucks lmao", but that didn't mean you were happy to receive these kinds of comments. That's how you found yourself at 2am on twitter and Instagram reading the comments you received every day. These comments made you fall asleep at 5am.

And it was called Yellow

When you woke up, Selma saw that you were still asleep, which was strange because, apart from when you are with Ellie, you are an early riser. It was when she saw the phone in your hands that Selma realised why you still hadn't woken up. So she had the wonderful idea of surprising you. Selma walked over to your camera to start the vlog of the day. 

"Hi guys, it's Selma, I know you were expecting to see Y/N/N, but she's still asleep, she hasn't had the best night, so to change that I'm going to call Ellie, because I know she's already awake, get her over here so she can wake up our favourite person. It's clearly a genius idea". She says as she picks up her phone and dials Ellie's number. 

"Hey Ellie, I'm sorry to bother you but would you like to come to our hotel right now? Because I have to tell you, Y/N/N didn't have the best night of her life. She was still asleep when I woke up, with her phone in her hands, and I think she's been on the internet again to see what people are saying about her," said Selma, worried about you. 

"Don't worry, you're not bothering me. Oh yes, why not, it's a good idea and it'll be good for her not to think about it while I'm with her" said Ellie, going back to her room to get her things, a Matildas tracksuit set. 

"Okay good, and yes, I think so too. I'm going downstairs to let the receptionist know you're coming so you don't get turned away," said Selma as she started to leave her room and head for reception. 

"Ok thanks, I'll be there in 10 or 15 minutes, see you later" said Ellie as she hung up.

So then I took my turn Oh, what a thing to have done And it was all yellow

Once Ellie arrived outside the hotel, she was immediately greeted by one of the receptionists. "Hello, what can I do to help you?" asked the hostess. 

"Hi, I'm Ellie Carpenter, Y/N Lacazette's girlfriend, I've come to visit her. Her flatmate, Selma Bacha, told me she'd told you?" said Ellie, hoping she hadn't given the wrong information. 

"Oh yes, I see, well Mrs Carpenter, your girlfriend is on the 3rd floor, room 312. Have a nice day" said the hostess. 

"Thank you very much, have a nice day too" thanked Ellie before taking the lift to room 312 on the 3rd floor. Arriving at the door of the room, Ellie took out her telephone to warn Selma.

to Selmama

I'm at the door

By the time she had put her phone away, the door opened and Selma Bacha was overjoyed to see her Lyon team-mate here. 

"Ellie" Selma shouted in a whisper as she came to give her a hug. 

"Thanks for coming" she thanked her quickly before letting Ellie into the room. 

"No worries, you know I'd do anything for our favorite person" Ellie said with a heart filled look on her face. 

"Oh that's lovely an digusting at the same time" said Selma smiling before resuming her sentence.

"So, you've got the key card on Y/N/N's bedside table if you need it, I'll go with Grace, Kenza and Viviane. Have a nice day, lovers." she said as she closed the door. Now alone, Ellie took off her shoes, then went straight to your camera to resume the vlog, "Hi everyone, this is Ellie, my moment of glory is going to be short as I'm just going to film myself waking Zoe up" she said as she placed the camera on a piece of furniture so that it was well positioned.

Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones Turn into something beautiful And you know, you know I love you so

"My love, wake up" said Ellie as she sat down next to you and stroked your cheek. 

"Hmm Ellie, what are you doing here, let me sleep, I'm so tired. Give me your jumper im cold and i miss you" you grumbled as you pulled the duvet up over your face. 

"I am here because Im worried about you and because I love you. Now do you want my jumper?" asked Ellie. 

"Yes please give it to me, and no need to be worried i just read those comment last night and I shouldn't have done now cuddles please." you say holding out your hands at her like a baby. 

"Argh Ellie your jumper's all yellow" you complained girl. 

"Don’t do it again baby you are an excellent player okay? So I have to take it back?" questioned Ellie. 

"No, I'm only going to wear it because it's got your scent on it and I missed you, come on come here i ant cuddles please" you say as you put on the famous yellow jumper and grabbed Ellie by the waist to lay her down beside you. 

"I missed you too," said Ellie, putting her hand on you cheek to draw you into a kiss.

You know I love you so

After spending the morning in bed, our lovebirds got up and got ready, although you preferred to keep Ellie’s jumper, to join Caitlin Foord, and Sam Kerr at a restaurant for lunch time. When they got there, you were greeted by whistles because of the yellow clothes you were wearing. 

"That's the last time I wear yellow for you Els" you say with your cheeks flushed. 

"Don't say that, yellow suits your tan" laughs Sam before saying hello. 

"I'm going to leave again if you don't stop" you tried to intimidate the 3 matildas. Once the meal was over, the 4 people decided to go their separate ways, Sam and Caitin heading back to their hotel, and Ellie and you to your hotel, but before you could do so Caitlin turned round to say. "We'll be waiting for you in 6 days Y/N/N, I hope you're ready to lose", narrowly missing the middle finger you gave her.

I swam across I jumped across for you Oh, what a thing to do 'Cause you were all yellow

Having spent the rest of the afternoon lounging by the pool, watching their series, you and Ellie went back up to your room to enjoy a couple of hours together before having to separate for the next month. 

"Why does all of your tracksuit are yellow? That colour isn't on your flag dude it's weird" you asked. 

"I don't know it's not me who create your tracksuit, and- woah hold on miss, did you really call me 'dude'" said Ellie. 

"Yes, I did, what are you gonna do 'du-'" you say before being cut off by two hands coming to tickle her on her hips. "AH- E-Ellie stop it please" you say with tears in your eyes and between two breath. 

"Said you're sorry for calling me 'dude' im your girlfirend not your dude". she threatened you. 

"I-Im sorry, now please s-stop it i can't take it anymore" you say trying to push away Ellie who had ended up on top of you. 

"Ok, Ok I will stop" said Ellie but didn't take her hands off your hips. 

"Why are you looking at me like that" asked the Australian, "Like what?" you replied. 

"Like I've just tied up all the stars in the sky" replied the blonde. 

"You're the most beautiful star" you say with a cheeky grin. 

"Okay softie come here now" replied Ellie drawing you into a kiss before resting her head in the crook of your neck.

I drew a line I drew a line for you Oh, what a thing to do And it was all yellow

When Ellie left, you noticed that she had forgotten to take her tracksuit jacket, so you took out her phone to tell her.

to Baby Aussie You forgot your jacket x

from Baby Aussie I know, I did it on purpose because I know you love yellow, and my stuff so it’s gift xx

to Baby Aussie I hate you, but thank you, I love you!! xx

from Baby Aussie I love you too baby xx

Resting your phone on your stomach, you couldn't help but feel butterflies in your stomach at the thought of having Ellie's jacket with you for the next few days. When it was time for dinner, you had barely got out of the shower so you grabbed the first clothes you could find before putting them on and hurrying down the stairs so as not to be late. 

"Nice jacket, Y/N." Grace told you, laughing along with Viviane and Selma. 

"I didn't know you'd changed nationality" said your coach as he left to sit at the other coaches' table. 

"Huh?" was the only thing you could reply before looking at your clothes, it was when you saw the Matildas jacket that you understood her team's jokes. 

"Leave me alone" you say as you sat down next to Selma who was filming the scene with Amel and Wendie, all posting you in Ellie's jacket, and mentioning the two of you in a instagram’s story. You decided to repost it with "I look good in yellow don't I", before switching off your phone.

And your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones Turn into something beautiful And you know, for you, I'd bleed myself dry For you, I'd bleed myself dry

from @elliecarpenterr yes yellow looks good on you, but my jacket looks even better on you!

from @elliecarpenterr at least the fan are going to be happy with this content.

You saw Ellie's instragram messages as you went back to your room, so you decided to reply quickly before getting ready for bed so you could be in shape for the first training session of the week. At the end of the first training session (which was more of a muscle warm-up) of the day, you joined your foursome before going to the table for lunch. 

"Are you worried about the Australia game?" asked Selma as she bit into her apple. 

"Honestly, yeah, they're monsters mate" said Viviane as she scrolled through tiktok. 

"Yeah I agree with Viv, Sel" said Grace as she played subway surfers on her phone. 

"Yeah same as the other two, from the keeper, to the striker this team is amazing" you say watching Grace play and laughing at the tiktoks Viviane shows you. 

"Fuck, I forgot to post my vlog yesterday! Never mind, I'll continue it for a while before posting it tonight," you say, slapping your forehead. You ran back to your room to get the camera before turning it on and picking up the vlog where you left off. 

"Hi guys, day 3 in Australia, Melbourne to be precise, yesterday I got to spend the day with Ellie as you've seen our stories, today however it's training for Friday's match" you say as you sat down next to Selma. 

"This morning was pretty easy, because it was weight training to strengthen and warm up our muscles, and this afternoon it's little games and matches. Selma, any comments on this morning's warm-up?" you asked, pointing the camera at Selma. 

"It was fun, there was a good atmosphere," she said before returning to her apple. 

"Thank you Selma, Grace and Viv, how did you find this morning's session?" You asked the two other players in front of you. 

"It was cool", "It was exhausting" said both of them at the same time, while you showed yourself to the camera with a face filled with terror at the fact that both of them had spoken at exactly the same time. 

"Wow that was weird don't do speak at the same time again please" you say before you had to say goodbye to your vlog as lunch break had just finished.

 "Well, the break's over, so I'll see you later," you say as you turns off your camera.

It's true Look how they shine for you Look how they shine for you Look how they shine for Look how they shine for you Look how they shine for you Look how they shine

Unfortunately you couldn't finish the afternoon's training session because of a sprained ankle, so you'll have to miss the match against Australia and the 1st World Cup match against Jamaica. You were on one of the sofas in the hotel lounge, in your Olympique Lyonnais shorts and ellie's yellow jumper, when you decide to finish the day's vlog. 

"I'm back earlier than planned, I've sprained my ankle so I'll be away for at least 2 weeks, and yes I can see you coming, yes I'm still wearing ellie's jumper because I miss her and it smells like her. So that's it for yesterday's and today's vlog, be well, be good, big kisses to you tomorrow" yoou say before quickly publishing the video and falling asleep on the sofa in the yellow jumper.

Look at the stars Look how they shine for you And all the things that you do

[waitmyturtles]

HYPERBOLIC SPOILERS FOR THE PHENOMENAL SECOND EPISODE OF OS2 x BBS x ATOTS

Can I feel so much in just one sitting?! Besides the UTTER giddiness of yesterday’s episode, at least for today, I think I have some actual, sensible, legible analysis to offer. I’m really moved, almost to tears.

I mean, as I blogged just a few minutes ago, part 4/4 of this second episode WILL go down in history in my heart as OBVIOUSLY some of the BEST, most STUNNING content in the HISTORY of anatomical and muscular analysis filmmaking. Yes. 

I’m seeing on Twitter some grumpiness for the comedy of this all (the girlies want more woop woop?! I mean?!), but I seriously think this whole crossover set up and the way it’s been written is brilliant. And I don’t think this is just for fun. 

But first, regarding the comedy and some other one-off points -- I mean, I knew that all four of these guys would be great, but their comedic TIMING, with the writing, is spectacular. They clearly had a FANTASTIC time filming this, and you can see it -- while they didn’t have much time to actually film it, it’s so well done.

I really want to call it, I really want to see it, I wanna see more subverting of the ships, and I wanna see these guys do more with each other separately -- I’m excited to see the implications of OhmEarth and NanonMix next week, and I think that Aof might be making a huge point by separating these guys, pairing them up together with others, and mixing shit up, because that’s what he does (especially while I have He’s Coming to Me on the mind soon on my OGMMTVC watchlist). 

Another one-off point: like I wrote yesterday, we’re getting a double-dose of nostalgia, and I also wrote that I haven’t had to wait NEARLY as long as most of y’all for the return of BBS and ATOTS. But that being said, even though I only watched ATOTS last fall, I actually literally nearly cried when I saw the ATOTS flashbacks and heard the music. Because the way that show was designed in 2021 (I got so much OGMMTVC on my mind) -- those motifs WERE designed to imprint themselves in our memories as remarkable for a kind of cinematic, bildungsroman BL that we weren’t used to seeing back then. That show was nostalgic not JUST for the damn ship, but for Pha Pun Dao, for Chiang Mai, for the Thailand that Aof celebrates vis à vis EarthMix in ATOTS and Moonlight Chicken. 

It’s gorgeous, and he knows what he’s doing by putting PatPran in that mix -- another couple at a different stage of their relationship, with a background and shared struggles that are different than TianPhupha’s, but that still offer both freshness AND nostalgia to the backbone story of ATOTS.

What’s moving me about these first two episodes reflects on what I just wrote -- this is no longer a story about Bad Buddy or ATOTS. This is a story about two couples going through their shit. Pat and Pran have ALWAYS been about going through their shit. We went through a A LOT of SHIT with them, including forward flashes after they graduated and seeing how they were faring in their long-distance relationship. 

Remember: we haven’t spent ANY time with Tian and Phupha in their relationship yet, ABSOLUTELY NONE. They smooched once on the hill, we saw them cuddle, and Oishii sent us off. So we’re JUST finding out, NOW, how they’re faring, and we get thrown in a fight.

A fight that’s similar to the kinds of struggles that Pat and Pran have already shown us and are showing us now. Tian wants Phupha to see a slice of HIS life in Bangkok. Tian wants Phupha to yield a little, to stop being so stubborn. 

Pat wants Pran to open up more. Pat KNOWS why Pran keeps everything so close to the chest. Pat is SO USED to being the balancing effect of their relationship, to push forward, to pull back, but to ALWAYS HOLD PRAN DOWN AND REMAIN AS PRAN’S ROCK, because Pran has not had the same kind of large family structure as Pat could rely on in his childhood and doesn’t know how to take emotional risks. Pat knows this and works hard on balancing it out.

But Pat can go overboard, right, and that’s partly why Pran drove away to Pha Pun Dao -- to prove to himself that he could complete this project on his own, but also, flirtingly, knowing that Pat would ultimately be by his side, and to play the competitive games that these guys always play with each other, because they’re still college dudes with bones to pick. 

What we’re seeing is BOTH COUPLES FINDING THEMSELVES IN THEIR MATURING GROWTH STAGES OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS. 

Hello, mic check, there’s something happening here in Our Skyy 2. WHAT HAPPENED IN THE ECLIPSE EPISODES?

Same damn thing, the same damn thing that pissed the girlies off before. WE’RE SEEING AWLLLLLL THESE GUYS IN THE GROWTH STAGES OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS. Akk was frustrated by all the expressions of care that Ayan is overabundant with. Ayan WANTS Akk to RECEIVE the care, because the RECEPTION OF CARE IS the signal, the trigger, the MEANING of the relationship for Ayan -- it tells Ayan, when I care for you, Akk, I AM SHOWING YOU MY LOVE FOR YOU, and that’s how *I* DEMONSTRATE IT.

Tian: Phupha, come with me to Bangkok.

Pran: Pat, let me do this by myself.

Akk: Ayan, I don’t need as much care as you’re giving me, it’s too much.

Phupha: You’re making only about me being madly in love with you.

Pat: I want to help you, my boyfriend.

Ayan: This is how I show my love for you, Akk. 

Y’all. Aof, Golf, these filmmakers. QUEER RELATIONSHIPS ARE RELATIONSHIPS THAT DESERVE THE INVESTMENT AND RESPECT OF EMOTION AND GROWTH IN ART. Not all queer art/BLs need to be about the thrills and frills of the first kiss, of the first sex, of the first whatever. We’re expecting these guys to live together forever in fiction, right? Aof and Golf and the other homies are saying -- kk, girlies, we’ll give you the fan service, alright, but we’re going to show you HOW WE, AS THE QUEER COMMUNITY, DURING PRIDE, GET THERE IN OUR OWN RELATIONSHIPS, TOO, messy details and all. Shit.

Here’s something from reality. I’m the youngest girl of my Indian family -- I was not equal to my older siblings at all, expected to fail, treated as if I didn’t know how to function in society. Y’all can predict what happened. Your gal got a great career, a great family, a husband, the whole thing.

So when I first met my husband, I’m riding my life on my own -- paying my own rent, my own bills, everything. I had already proved I didn’t need my birth family for anything.

But what I didn’t consider during those first years of the relationship was the following: my future husband’s love language was dependence. He was certainly IMPRESSED by dating a woman who had her shit together. BUT. He WANTED me to DEPEND on him, AT LEAST emotionally, if not for other things. I wasn’t going to like, quit my job for a relationship, but -- I was ALSO having REAL trouble DEPENDING on him emotionally.

Like Pran, maybe. I didn’t trust trusting anyone emotionally, because that was a paradigm already created by my family in my upbringing. I had TRAINED myself to NOT need emotional feedback from ANYONE romantically, because I learned to survive in other ways.

Of course, with great communication AND TIME (TIME), I came around and learned to lean on him and trust him.

Aof and Golf are giving their couples the benefits of growth and time to make the relationships better, and stronger, and working, and functioning, and I can’t emphasize enough how REAL THIS IS. 

That’s what these episodes are giving me. I WANT TO SEE MORE BLs with established relationships (@bengiyo, @lurkingshan, @wen-kexing-apologist: WHAT DID YOU EAT YESTERDAY FTW). I want to see contextual heartache. I want to see fights. I want to see tears. I want to see snottiness and shittiness and passive aggression, because all of that is worth examining in human emotional art. 

That’s real, that’s worth reflecting in art, and I see Aof and Golf doing this on purpose to give RESPECT to the emotional structures that they’ve created in their work. 

I’m having so much fucking fun with these episodes, but I should have expected this, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, that Aof would already render me an emotional mess as well. It always happens. That it’s happening to our BELOVED COUPLES, AT THE START OF PRIDE, I’m just like. We’re just so blessed to have this art to enjoy.

[disventurecamptakes]

yesterday was a very rough day for me. I was very anxious which caused me a lot of stomach pain and headache. Kept walking back and forth hoping and praying that when the episodes drop I won't see what I ended up seeing. I could barely sleep the night before it either. Then I saw the google drive link for the episode on twitter, downloaded it and skipped straight to the end just to see who goes home, hoping that all that constant pain and fighting wasn't for nothing. Turns out they were all for nothing. I made a comment about it on reddit then I just cried my eyes out. All for nothing, yet another lose and proof that I have no luck, that nothing in my life ever wants to work out the way I want. I cried and my chest hurt so much that I passed out and my mom had to take me to the hospital. I am fine and can think and talk properly now, however i have no desire for anything anymore. Absolutely nothing. And whenever I think about what happened I just feel bad. I was able to watch season 3 episode 16 in full a few hours ago and was completely let down by how they wrote him. It was so awful. I was able to stomach how he went home last season but here? This ain't it. I haven't felt this bad watching a disventure camp episode in my life and I have 0 desire to continue watching it, and as someone who constantly defended the show this really hurts more than it should. I feel like I got stabbed. Alec haters won, I lost. Congrats to everyone who wanted him to go early, you won, he's not gonna compete ever again. I bet all of them are celebrating right now, good for them.

So this leads me to my goodbye. Everyone i know told me to leave everything about this show behind for my own well beng. And that's what I'm going to do. Thank you to everyone who liked me, and to those who didn't, I am sorry. I had some fun times here and I'm happy I was able to make some people laugh either with my pants jokes, my fanarts or with my love for Alec, which yes, is genuine, I do genuinely have a crush on him even if he's not real, even if he's a piece of shit, he's my piece of shit. i'm gonna keep this account up for a few more hours then I will delete it for good unless the mods will be faster than me and delete this thread before it for being too off topic. No more coming back unless maybe some miracle happens and I find out that either him or another character I really love will compete in another season. But i'm not gonna be that lucky because this whole thing proved that I never will be, no matter how much I beg for it. Why remain here when I'm not interested in any of the future episodes and the show will likely end for good after it, if not forever then definitely for a couple of years. No point in staying here. Goodbye and as Alec once said, "Connor is my husband, and I love him."

Anon are you okay?

[disventure-rewrite-takes]

yesterday was a very rough day for me. I was very anxious which caused me a lot of stomach pain and headache. Kept walking back and forth hoping and praying that when the episodes drop I won't see what I ended up seeing. I could barely sleep the night before it either. Then I saw the google drive link for the episode on twitter, downloaded it and skipped straight to the end just to see who goes home, hoping that all that constant pain and fighting wasn't for nothing. Turns out they were all for nothing. I made a comment about it on reddit then I just cried my eyes out. All for nothing, yet another lose and proof that I have no luck, that nothing in my life ever wants to work out the way I want. I cried and my chest hurt so much that I passed out and my mom had to take me to the hospital. I am fine and can think and talk properly now, however i have no desire for anything anymore. Absolutely nothing. And whenever I think about what happened I just feel bad. I was able to watch season 3 episode 20 in full a few hours ago and was completely let down by how they wrote her. It was so awful. I was able to stomach how she went home last season but here? This ain't it. I haven't felt this bad watching a disventure camp episode in my life and I have 0 desire to continue watching it, and as someone who constantly defended the show this really hurts more than it should. I feel like I got stabbed. Ally haters won, I lost. Congrats to everyone who wanted her to go early, you won, she's not gonna compete ever again. I bet all of them are celebrating right now, good for them.

So this leads me to my goodbye. Everyone i know told me to leave everything about this show behind for my own well beng. And that's what I'm going to do. Thank you to everyone who liked me, and to those who didn't, I am sorry. I had some fun times here and I'm happy I was able to make some people laugh either with my pants jokes, my fanarts or with my love for Ally, which yes, is genuine, I do genuinely have a crush on her even if she's not real, even if she's a piece of shit, she's my piece of shit. i'm gonna keep this account up for a few more hours then I will delete it for good unless the mods will be faster than me and delete this thread before it for being too off topic. No more coming back unless maybe some miracle happens and I find out that either her or another character I really love will compete in another season. But i'm not gonna be that lucky because this whole thing proved that I never will be, no matter how much I beg for it. Why remain here when I'm not interested in any of the future episodes and the show will likely end for good after it, if not forever then definitely for a couple of years. No point in staying here. Goodbye and as Ally once said, Thank you! I'm going there.

this is so sad can we get a GANG GANG in the chat

[amymbona]

wow okay you went off....

if you want fame go on twitter, if you want fun on tumblr, switch the fandom... it's simple and you can't blame tumblr users lol but you started with complaining about your likes, I said most people moved on and then you switched it up and said you didn't care for likes after all.

nobody said you should forget about the movie completely, do whatever makes you happy. I love it so much but I feel like I've seen everything there is to see and that that cow has been milked to death. it is how it is. you and everyone else will get bored of it soon enough but you can't let go of the fun times and sense of community

I complained about likes in the way that people don't engage with my posts as much as they did some time ago. It simply surprised me that people suddenly lost interest in my blog/the movie (and I can't be certain to say which one it is).

Another thing about likes, yes, I do care about them, but at the same time I don't. I'm not gonna go and cry because my posts were seen only by a small amount of people, it's definitely not that serious. BUT since I chose to write my stuff publically, I would of course appreciate being well known and liked by others. Honestly, I think it's natural for people to wish to be seen and loved, and I'm not gonna hide the fact that this is what I'd like as well.

I disagree with the last paragraph. There is always more content to be posted, people just need to come up with it, which is gonna take some time, obviously. Perhaps we will have another Challengers prime time by the end of the year, or even sooner, who knows. And talking about my own experience, I'm not really the type to get bored of something once it's not at its peak. Once I'm in certain fandom, there's a low chance I'll be letting go of it. So I'm just putting that out there for those who wonder if I plan on ever stopping.

If I offended you by anything I wrote, then I'm sorry. I certainly didn't mean to say anything bad towards you or what you wrote, but I saw your ask as an opportunity to say what I've been thinking.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP,

First of all, I love your blog. I am so happy to see you active.

Second of all, I agree with that anon about finding Jimin fascinating. I have never been this intrigued by any other celebrity. I find him different but I don't know why. He is good looking but so are other idols. I mean it's Kpop. Most have to be good looking to make it. It's just such a weird thing. Like you can't help but notice him. Everytime I watch a BTS related content, he is the first person I notice. He isn't even my favourite but my eyes will instantly see him before anyone else. He also somehow leaves the strongest mark in any mvs or performances or even simple content. It's weird. I don't get it.

***

Hi Anon, 💜

I saw your ask come in days ago, just as I was logging out of the app and felt a bit bad because I knew I wouldn't have any time for Tumblr for the next few days. Lately, I've actually wanted to remain active here, but life keeps getting in the way. I know it's not a big deal but I really am thankful that so many of you understand that I'm active here only when I can afford to be. 💜

On to more interesting topics, yes to everything you said about Jimin. There's no other member I write about here more than Jimin and it's something I don't ever feel like apologizing for because that man is infinitely captivating.

It's rare to see someone who recognizes exactly what he is, as young as Jimin did. There are many points over the years that Jimin has done something, and it registered in my head that this man is different. It's human to be a bit self-indulgent, to be a little self-absorbed, a little self-deception is a very natural mechanism that sometimes shields us from other people's projections and malicious intent. And so it struck me as almost inhuman in how acutely aware Jimin was to recognize his need to be seen, heard, in the most audacious format available to him as a 13 year old boy in Busan, South Korea.

His depth of self-knowledge, indicative of his unusually high intelligence, is at the source of his magnetism and charisma. In my opinion. You can see it in his eyes and it amplifies his already unnatural beauty.

I recently started speaking with a Jimin-bias on Twitter and we've become good friends. She described Jimin like this (and I've linked in sources):

"Jimin of BTS is the man who wrote a detailed essay that convinced his parents to let him study dance over science or law, who landed an esteemed dance and martial arts scholarship, who went against his teacher (Lee Hwa Sung’s) wishes of going the more secure route excelling as a professional modern dancer given his talents, to instead pursue his dream to become an idol, who called his dad once a month as a trainee of a nearly bankrupt agency saying “don’t worry dad. Even if I don’t make it this way I’ll make it another way”, who debuted as main dancer and lead vocalist with what is now the biggest group in the world despite having the shortest training period in Big Hit’s history and one of the shortest training periods in all of kpop to date."

*

That is one reason I am ecstatic about FACE. The music itself is one thing and we'll deal with that when we get there - I may or may not like the music (though given what he's released so far, the fact he's in BTS, and him working with RM and PDogg, I doubt it). But the subject matter of FACE: Park Jimin, would interest me even if I was on my death bed with only 10 KB of data available for me to use one last time.

*

I'm not very good at explaining what I mean, but I hope those who love him don't take offense when I call Jimin a freak. Because that is what I'm absolutely convinced he is. I don't know how else to express just how beastly I think he really is. Looking at him for me is like looking at one of those lenticular prints that shift into different things depending on lighting - like you turn your head one way looking at Jimin and you see a panther, turn your head another way and you see a dove, turn yet another way and you see a snake. And each animal is the most perfect expression of its form. He hones every quality he expresses with a meticulousness that scares me sometimes, because every example of that sort of personality I've seen in music has burnt out or passed before 40 (Prince being the only exception). The rapline have an identical quality but they seem less volatile than Jimin to me for some reason.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm excited about FACE and Anon when I saw your ask come in days ago, I suspected you were fishing (lol), but also I love Jimin and will take every excuse to talk about him. It's also way easier to talk about him than it is to talk about Yoongi, Namjoon, and Hoseok for me lol.

Speaking of which, it goes without saying that Jimin's evolution in self-awareness is also a result of his relationship with the rapline in BTS, as well as some other members. Jimin's comments about how he relies on those three, of what he thinks of their characters, and about how those three have assisted and influenced him, are consistent with how I see them too.

Back to Jimin, he's a once in a lifetime personality and there's nothing wrong with admitting it.

(Me too, Jungkook. Me too.)

Make sure you've pre-saved FACE, stream On The Street, and stay hydrated. 💜

[real-total-drama-takes]

yesterday was a very rough day for me. I was very anxious which caused me a lot of stomach pain and headache. Kept walking back and forth hoping and praying that when the episodes drop I won't see what I ended up seeing. I could barely sleep the night before it either. Then I saw the google drive link for the episode on twitter, downloaded it and skipped straight to the end just to see who goes home, hoping that all that constant pain and fighting wasn't for nothing. Turns out they were all for nothing. I made a comment about it on reddit then I just cried my eyes out. All for nothing, yet another lose and proof that I have no luck, that nothing in my life ever wants to work out the way I want. I cried, then my chest hurt so much that my mom had to take me to the hospital. I am fine and can think and talk properly now, however i have no desire for anything anymore. Absolutely nothing. And whenever I think about what happened I just feel bad. I was able to watch episode 2 in full a few hours ago and was completely let down by how they wrote him. It was so awful. I was able to stomach how he went home last season but here? This ain't it. I haven't felt this bad watching a total drama episode in my life and I have 0 desire to continue watching it, and as someone who constantly defended the show this really hurts more than it should. I feel like I got stabbed. Chase haters won, I lost. Congrats to everyone who wanted him to go early, you won, he's not gonna compete ever again. I bet all of them are celebrating right now, good for them.

So this leads me to my goodbye. Everyone i know told me to leave everything about this show behind for my own well beng. And that's what I'm going to do. Thank you to everyone who liked me, and to those who didn't, I am sorry. I had some fun times here and I'm happy I was able to make some people laugh either with my pants jokes, my fanarts or with my love for Chase, which yes, is genuine, I do genuinely have a crush on him even if he's not real, even if he's a piece of shit, he's my piece of shit. i'm gonna keep this account up for a few more hours then I will delete it for good unless the mods will be faster than me and delete this thread before it for being too off topic. No more coming back unless maybe some miracle happens and I find out that either him or another character I really love will compete in another season. But i'm not gonna be that lucky because this whole thing proved that I never will be, no matter how much I beg for it. Why remain here when I'm not interested in any of the future episodes and the show will likely end for good after it, if not forever then definitely for a couple of years. No point in staying here. Goodbye and as Chase once said, have a good life./c

[changingplumbob]

Knightstone Household: Chapter 6, Part 1

I know Silas starts as an infant here when he's a toddler on the Knightstone character page, but that's because I wrote this before I set about taking the photos. *flashbacks of leaving Twitter and finding the clean oceans of Spoutible*

Oh, also, my game is mostly maxis match. I wanted my aliens to look different so you'll see them around with alpha hair.

Paranoid sims, such as Suzanna, are aware they're living in a simulation.

Next up, the Knightstone household aka the aliens. Yes, it is time for me to again do battle with my great nemesis, modular shelving that disappears into household inventory. When I loaded in some plumbing was broken but I am NOT acknowledging it as an omen.

Suzanna is currently level 8 in the scientist career, but wants to reach level 10 as soon as possible so she can set up a portal to visit Sixam. Adam who is still dealing with his anger over being "left behind" in a human just wants to give the aliens a piece of his mind

Silas (who has made me even more obsessed with infants since the alien noises are 10x the normal cute) is a couple of days away from toddlerhood. For now he is a wiggly infant who hates wake up time and pulls the cutest pouts known to human or alien.

Adam: Okay starlight, time to rise and shine

Suzanna: Already?

Adam: Come on, we can't lie here forever

Suzanna: We could try

Adam: I need to make breakfast, the fridge is almost empty

Suzanna: Ever heard of cereal

Adam: Who knows what is in cereal really?

Suzanna gets the last bowl of food while Adam begins to cook. When she is finished she decides now is the time to have a proper conversation, he's more zen when he's cooking.

Suzanna: Adam?

Adam: Yes

Suzanna: I've been thinking, Silas will be a toddler soon

Adam: He will

Suzanna: I want to have another baby

Adam: We've talked about this

Suzanna: I know you don't want kids

Adam: It's adding to the alien agenda

Suzanna: We don't know if there is any alien agenda

Adam: How could there not be? They force humans to carry us to term

Adam: They are slowly building up our numbers here

Suzanna: Even if they are we don't know why

Adam: We know whoever is in charge is fine with leaving babies. Fine with having them figure out how to be aliens alone, on a world that constantly tries to uncover them

Suzanna: I know how we grew up hurts you

Adam: Shunted to the foster home by fathers who were ashamed to carry us, yes it hurts

Suzanna: But you can't let that hurt define us, dictate what we can do with our lives

Adam: Having another kid when we don't even know why we're here?

Suzanna: No answer will make the hurt go away, and our kids will have both of us to help understand

Adam: You're determined

Suzanna: I am. We made Silas together, you and me, and sure he's not perfect but no kid is

Adam: Hold on I never said Silas isn't perfect

Suzanna: He always wakes up grumpy though

Adam: Like someone else I know

Suzanna: Fair point. You may not have wanted him but you loved him as soon as you saw him

Adam: Meaning?

Suzanna: They have ultrasounds now

Adam: I'm not following

Suzanna: You can see them sooner

Adam: You think sooner exposure will help my feelings?

Suzanna: I believe so

Adam: I can't pretend I'll be happy about it before they're here

Suzanna: You are brooder in chief

Adam: You want to have another one so soon though?

Suzanna: I don't want a giant age gap between them

Adam: Okay, we can try. I never want you to be unhappy

Suzanna: I know, have I told you I love you today?

Adam: You tell me everyday Starlight

Suzanna: Okay I gotta have a shower before Silas wakes up, see you in a bit

Adam: *to self* your love keeps me sane

Suzanna spends some time just watching Silas before he wakes up, enjoying the sound of his soft snores. It's not long though, as Silas soon wakes up and does indeed wake up grumpy.

Suzanna: Hello there starshine, are we having another bad morning?

Silas: *frowns*

Adam throws on his disguise before heading out for his morning run while Suzanna does her best to comfort Silas. His smile is very temporary this morning however, so after he bursts into tears again Suzanna decides the best thing to do is get on with their routine

Quick change, where the heck did the helicopter come from? Quick cuddle, then breakfast time. Silas has tried two finger foods so far and this morning Suzanna will introduce him to the third.

Suzanna: These are banana chips starshine

Silas: Nana?

Suzanna: Banana

Silas: Ba na na

Suzanna: Yes Silas that's right!

Silas: Ba nana ba nana

Suzanna: You have to put it in your mouth now, come on, open up

After the first taste Silas enthusiastically tucks in, somehow smearing his face with gunk despite the food being solid, infants are mysterious

Suzanna: Time to go to the garden, let's get you clean

Silas: Mummy, plants mummy?

Suzanna: Yes! Plants. Here come the bubbles!

Silas: *giggles*

Suzanna: Is that fun? Did you have fun?

Silas: Fun! Mummy fun, pops fun

Adam: That's my son!

Adam needs to level up in writing before his next promotion so after finishing his daily column he fits in some practice. In the backyard Suzanna is busy tending to her garden with Silas in the back carrier. Silas approves of this and happily babbles away to her while she works.

Suzanna: Whoops, we're a bit late for lunch starshine, better just have a bottle

Silas: Banana

Suzanna: Not right now. Milk. Mmmilk

Silas: Mmmilk

Suzanna: That's a good boy, drink up

Silas: Mmmilk yum yum

Suzanna: Yeah, can you finish it all?

Silas: *guzzles*

Suzanna gives Silas a burp only to find out he's still in his happy spitter phase. Some of the milk makes a quick exit out the way it went in.

Silas: urped

Suzanna: It's okay Silas, everyone has burped before, even us aliens

Silas: Bet her

Suzanna: You feel better now?

Suzanna: Would you like to play or nap?

Silas: *smiles*

Suzanna: Can we use our words, huh?

Silas: plap

Suzanna: Glad we cleared that up, I think it's nap time though

Suzanna starts another round of her nonsense story. It may not make sense but Silas doesn't know that.

Suzanna uses the time Silas is napping to work with the microscope. She has most of the prints (from plants, fossils, gems) but still needs to earn ones from general microscope use. She has already maxed her logic skill so this is just because she's a geek

Adam: Damn, you do look so cute sleeping

Silas: *yawns*

Adam: Another you wouldn't be so bad really, I just worry so much when your mummy is pregnant

Silas: *stretches*

Adam: Hey sleepy, I'm home

Silas: Pop home

Adam: Yeah son, did you have a good nap

Silas: *is grumpy*

Adam: It's okay buddy, it's okay, pops loves you

Silas: pop pop

Adam: Okay it smells like diaper change time

And in the age of equality Adam also gets peed on (Suzanna caught it last time).

Adam: Okay what shall we do for fun

Silas: Fun fun

Adam: Toy? Story? Game?

Eventually Silas manages to communicate that he wants a story.

Adam: The blue birds were worried. They hadn't expected their baby to be pink but they knew they still loved their baby. They did all the things parent birds do. The baby was fed, the baby was warm, the baby was loved.

Previous Part (Foster) ... Next Part

[hollowingearth]

Hi I'm responding to your post about being confused at the hopeful lyrics of NPtK! Here are my thoughts:

Firstly, I'm not sure if I agree on heroes and promises being a bad thing in the world of ff7. From my perspective, they've never really been a bad thing, especially since the narrarive allows Cloud gets to become a hero and keep his promise to Tifa. Cloud carries her to a safe place during the Nibelheim incident and then stops Sephiroth. Not to mention he later helps Tifa out with Avalanche and defeats Sephiroth at the end of the game. Perhaps you have a different perspective but I always thought the game has been pretty receptive to the idea of heroes and promises, just that Cloud was kind of a false hero for a lot of the game. (In contrast, the true version of Cloud is a true hero.)

In addition, there was a tweet on Nojima's twitter recently stating that he imagined Aerith wrote the lyrics to appeal to a crowd and that she rewrote the lyrics a few times. Ergo, they are not her purest feelings put to paper. Now, this tidbit doesn't necessarily help this discussion much, but I do think it's worth considering that some of the lyrics could be prophetic in a way Aerith didn't intend. Perhaps she wrote some of them more innocently, unaware of the irony that's to come... (food for thought.)

Anyway I personally think Aerith has resigned herself to fate in the song but that she still can't help longing for something better. She sings: "if only id never known, all the burdens i was born to bear, lived a life without a care in the world save for you, but that won't do." I think this line is exactly what shows the inside of her tumultuous heart! Yes, she's resigned herself to her fate, but even when she's trying to share one last date with Cloud and pretend everything's fine she can't hide the sorrow on her face from the photographer. She longs for fate to change, she just knows it can't, or at least not as much as she'd like. I personally don't think these are really contradictory...? I can see how you might, though.

Err sorry if I missed the point of your post but I'll just send this anyway! I do think you've opened up an interesting discussion though. :)

Ok, first, it's genuinely such a nice thing of you to take time to write this, it made me so so happy. After I saw that NJM's tweet I think I started to understand it much more. You see, my initial interpretation of the lyrics were that Aerith is singing to Cloud to reassure him to not fret as they are sure to meet again, and that meeting would be in the lifestream, as all life is reunited upon death into one single thing. So there were no promises to keep because it was a given that they would meet as everyone dies eventually.

Now that NJM said he sort of imagined it as Aerith writing the song again and again. Honestly, I agree completely with your interpretation. I mean, isn't her song kind of like a prayer, in a way? For a better future to herself? Aerith in the OG is unaware of what is going to happen to her, she's fulfilling her duty, but Aerith in the R-Trilogy knows. She doesn't know her future but we see that she feels the danger that she's in, Nanaki warns Cloud about it and his connection to the lifestream is much weaker than hers (and I don't think she would fully divulge it to him either because Aerith is a bit of a secretive character). I believe she's aware of what's going to happen (even if she doesn't know when) and she chooses it, it's the ultimate sacrifice. I wonder just how scared she was to take every step foward with the increasing uneasiness of her upcoming doom.

It's just very heartbreaking. Specially so if the running time loop theory I've seen floating around is true, actually.

Oh, also, about the hero thing. I still maintain my opinion, actually, though I think I'd like to explain myself better a little bit haha. So, from my point of view, FF7 subverts the idea of a hero or the notion of the becoming of a hero, at least, and I don't think it paints it in a good light. I question the notion that Cloud becomes a hero by saving Tifa because he puts her on a safe spot and then, because of his rage, instead of running away with her (and actually making sure she was truly safe, Zangan is the one who does that) he goes back and kills Sephiroth. That action only makes Sephiroth stronger and allows Cloud (and Zack) to be captured and messed with. He effectively made things worse there. If only Zack was captured and he didn't have to care for Cloud maybe he would have survived. And then, again, when Zack saves Cloud he is uncerimoniously killed by Shinra - the very thing that allowed Zack to funnel his heroism into. And also, yes, the party defeats Sephiroth in the end but Holy is what stops the Meteor and even then, humanity still perishes in the future. People are saved due to the mercy of the lifestream, the recognition of the value of life.

I guess this sounds like what I'm saying is "don't have empathy/help others" haha but it's not it, I guess I just think the game is interested on questioning the reason for their actions and showing how much of it doesn't stem only from empathy but truly from selfishness and the want for recognition. That's what I think for now, at least.

[batneko]

it’s a little bit late but in honor of May the Fourth here’s another mumarou AU I wrote on twitter!

-

Did some wiki diving last night and I've got enough for a mumarou jedi au

Gonna start with buckets of backstory because y'all know how I do.

So! Garou's birth planet had voluntary force-testing. His parents didn't bother until he was a toddler. He doesn't remember them, but it definitely flipped a Trust Issues switch in his little baby brain.

He was a good student, he engaged with the material, he loved reading and learning. But when he said he didn't want to be a knight, he'd rather join the service order and be a researcher, the teachers thought it would be a "waste of his talents."

The other younglings mocked him. The service order is for jedi who FAILED to become knights. (It's not, but they're kids.) If you WANT to be a loser you must ALREADY be a loser.

Garou told a teacher, but they too wanted to encourage him toward knighthood.

Soon it became outright bullying, but Garou had given up on authority figures. He threw himself into his combat training and got nothing but praise.

By the time he was a preteen Garou was covering up a lot with a thick layer of faux bravado. It didn't fool many of the adults, but nobody knew what his real feelings were.

He only passed his initiate trials on a technicality. The test is just to get THROUGH the crystal caves, not to find a crystal to build your lightsaber around. Garou never told anyone what the caves showed him, but the bravado was shaken. For a while.

Master Bang ended up giving him a crystal he had, and took Garou as his Padawan once Garou finished building his saber. He saw a lot of potential in Garou, but he thought what Garou needed was discipline and a firm hand.

Garou's grateful, but feels like he's being pitied.

Years pass. Garou does well! He's strong and smart and he learns to be diplomatic. Eventually.

Bang lives (as much as working knights "live" anywhere) at a temple on a peaceful and mostly agrarian world. The temple is a staging area for jedi on their way to lots of places.

Despite the remote location there's a large library where Garou spends most of his downtime. That's where he meets Mumen.

Who isn't a knight. The test that Garou almost failed, Mumen DID fail.

The temple is also a base for the agriculture arm of the service order. They provide food and aid to people all over the galaxy who need it.

Mumen's job at the temple is officially Stable Master. His force powers mostly manifest as being very good with animals (and people).

They bond over liking animals and consuming more popular media than is strictly considered proper for jedi. Mumen would call them friends, though Garou still has a lot of trust issues and would avoid that word.

Garou's issues have not really improved, he's just gotten better at hiding them. He never got over failing to get his own crystal from the cave (even knowing that's not uncommon doesn't help), and he expected to become a knight as soon as he was an adult.

Isn't he strong enough? Doesn't he go on missions alone all the time?

Yes and yes, but Bang doesn't think he's emotionally ready to face the trials, and Garou's reaction didn't exactly help his case.

Garou starts trying to "prove himself" by taking risks, which only gets him in over his head more often than not. He keeps needing to be rescued and feels weaker than ever.

One of Garou's favorite research topics is lightsaber crystals, and in the archives he learns that it used to be more common for jedi to make their own synthetic ones. It's time-consuming and difficult, but leads to a very powerful blade.

Synthetic crystal blades can be so strong that they can even break other lightsaber blades. Which is why they're favored by the sith.

But there's nothing inherently bad about synthetic crystals, so Garou starts learning how to make one.

It takes a long time, but Garou succeeds on the first try, creating a crystal imbued with his own force energy and forged by his emotions.

The blade is strong. VERY strong. But it's red, and every jedi who sees it will know what that means.

One more failure. One more secret.

Garou brings the saber with him on missions, partly as an ace in the hole and partly because he's afraid someone will find it in his room and Know. One of these missions is guarding an aid shipment to a troubled world. Mumen comes along too, to look after the goats.

The shipment is attacked, and during the fight Garou sees Mumen corned. He throws him his own blue lightsaber to defend himself (and it's pretty hot seeing Mumen in action with HIS saber) but soon Garou needs a weapon too and has to use the red one.

It feels... good. It feels RIGHT. It feels like an extension of himself. And the fact that for the first time he was fighting beside someone he TRULY trusts doesn't occur to him.

Mumen is still a jedi, even if he's not a knight. He knows what a red synth crystal means. But he knows Garou is troubled and he knows that what he REALLY needs is someone who is in HIS corner, no matter what. So Mumen keeps his mouth shut.

Garou starts to wonder... If synth crystals aren't bad, and red blades aren't bad, and his "attachments" are the only good thing in his life, what ELSE are the jedi wrong about?

Whenever a mission takes him somewhere seedy, Garou goes looking for sith books and artifacts.

He keeps it a secret, even from Mumen. Mumen is in his corner but that doesn't mean he doesn't try to talk him out of certain things. Garou is sure he can handle a little forbidden knowledge without falling to the dark side.

And it's possible he could have. But one day, on a mission with Bang where he'd taken off to do some "shopping," Garou meets a woman who says she's a scholar. She says she believes all information should be free. That any weapon can be a tool of peace in the right hands.

Her name is Psychos and she's saying exactly what Garou wants to hear. As proof of good intentions, she teaches Garou a forbidden technique that ends his next fight in a single blow.

The first taste is always free...

For a while they keep communicating. Psychos sends Garou scans of books and scrolls and doesn't ask for anything in return. At first.

When Garou does tentatively tell Mumen (he'd wanted to teach Mumen some tricks to defend himself), Mumen is horrified.

This woman is probably a sith and DEFINITELY does not have Garou's best interests in mind. But Garou refuses to hear it. He and Mumen fight, seriously, for the first time.

Garou braces himself for a shoe that never drops. Mumen still doesn't tell anyone about his research.

Not long after the fight with Mumen, Psychos contacts Garou with an offer of a whole bunch of books... but this time she wants payment. Information should be free, right? Nothing wrong with exchanging info for info.

Garou's not exactly buying it. But he REALLY wants those books.

What she's asking for isn't BAD. It's almost public knowledge! It... it should be okay, right?

So he tells her when the next aid shipment is going out. And nothing happens! It's okay!

The next time isn't.

The difference, Garou realizes, is that the second shipment was being guarded by jedi knights. The attack targeted them, and both were badly injured. Even Garou can't avoid the truth anymore - Psychos is giving him sith books and trying to kill jedi. She's a sith and he's a pawn.

Wracked with guilt, Garou tells Mumen everything. He says he needs to make it right, and kisses Mumen in a way that feels like a goodbye.

Mumen's too stunned to respond, but he assumes Garou is going to confess to Bang and accept any punishment.

In the morning Garou's gone.

Days pass. Still, Mumen tells no one. Until one night he wakes up gasping in pain and realizes it's not HIS pain he's feeling.

Garou's in trouble, enough that he's unconsciously reaching out for Mumen through the Force. SAVING Garou is now more important than keeping his trust.

Mumen tells Bang everything he knows. EVERYTHING, since he isn't sure what might be a clue to where he is. But he doesn't mince words that he thinks Bang failed as a mentor. That he never saw the insecurity and loneliness beneath Garou's facade.

Bang isn't happy to hear it, but he IS glad SOMEONE knows what happened to his padawan. Mumen manages to track Garou's research history through the library and figures out where he went. They put together a rescue team, and Bang brings Mumen along with only a token objection.

But when they finally find the hideout, it's empty. And Mumen is still feeling Garou's pain every day. There are no more clues, they have nowhere to start.

They keep searching for a few days, then the pain stops.

Garou's not dead. Mumen and Bang both would have felt it if that happened. But there's an absence now where there shouldn't be. Even if Garou's not reaching for him, they're both Jedi, they SHOULD be able to feel each other if they try.

Either Garou shut down emotionally, or he deliberately shut everyone OUT. Both answers are bad.

It's possible, Bang says, that Garou has given in to the dark side.

Mumen refuses to believe it, but there's nothing anyone can do. They have nothing to go on. They have responsibilities. It's been WEEKS.

They have to go home. Garou's on his own.

Months pass. Bang mourns. So does Mumen, in a quieter way. He still insists Garou will come back though it gets harder to believe it every day.

There are rumors of sith sightings in the system, and Mumen doesn't point out that Bang investigates every single one.

One day, over half a year later, Mumen gets a message. Someone wants to meet him in a secluded area. It's not signed, but Mumen knows the tone.

He doesn't tell Bang. If Garou wanted to see Bang he'd have written to HIM. Mumen saddles up Garou's favorite mount and heads into the wilderness.

Garou has changed in the last six months. He didn't want to let Mumen see him at first, but Mumen didn't give him much of a choice.

His face is scarred. One eye is badly damaged. His skin is ashen gray, the dark side has left its mark on him. And he's cut off his padawan braid.

The first thing Mumen does, however, is tell Garou he loves him. That he's been waiting to say it all this time.

Garou says nothing. But he agrees to tell Mumen where he's been.

So, the last time we saw Garou he'd decided to run off by himself and confront the probable-sith who'd been feeding him information and already badly hurt two jedi. Because that's a good idea.

It took some doing, but Garou traced the messages and packages she'd sent him and finally found her hideout. And her apprentice, Orochi.

It was two against one, and didn't end well, but Garou gave them a hell of a fight on the way down.

But Psychos didn't let Orochi finish the job. She saw promise in Garou, she said. She saw potential. Garou refused instantly, of course, but it wasn't a question.

Every day, Psychos would try to instruct Garou in sith techniques, and every day Garou would refuse to use them.

So Psychos would punish him, torturing him until she got bored. After the "lessons" she would force Garou and Orochi to fight. Whoever won that day would continue to be her apprentice. Orochi won, every day.

Finally, after weeks, Psychos found out Garou's friends were getting close to finding them (though she didn't TELL Garou that, he assumed as much). They packed up, Garou in chains, and prepared to move to a new location.

On the way, Garou managed to get free while the two sith were distracted, and for the first time showed Psychos what he'd learned. The same technique she used to torture him, he used on both of them. He'd been paying attention all along.

He dumped them on one planet and took the stolen ship to another, and only there did he finally get a look at himself. He'd changed, been marked by the dark side. Even if he went home he wouldn't be welcomed (or so he thought, at least).

For a while he lived like a street rat, always traveling, working when he could and stealing when he couldn't. Those rumors Bang had been investigating about sith had all been about Garou.

But he missed the temple. He missed Mumen.

-

I went and found my mumarou jedi au thread again and realized I never really finished it. I mean, I got the boys together and Garou was safe, so it wasn't a cliffhanger. I can't remember if I had more plans beyond that. PRETTY sure Garou was going to reunite with Bang too.

[biasto-bias]

Re: that "not reading wips feels anti-fanfiction to me" post -

I think it makes sense. I agree with the general idea - I think the point of transformative fandom is creating things together! Even writing fanfic in the first place is, in its own way, creating something together with the original writer.

But it made me think about why I don't, personally, read WIPs (in most circumstances). I've actually been thinking about it since I saw the post yesterday. Fair warning, this is a long introspective ramble about my fandom-related preferences, and may or may not interest you.

I know it's because reaching the end of a WIP bothers me and has a negative effect on my mood. (Of course, that's enough - I don't have to look into it more - but I get curious about my own psyche, so here we are!) I think that happens because commenting on strangers' WIPs - participating in the writing process that way - isn't enough of a collaborative thing for me.

I LOVE bouncing fanfic ideas back and forth in a Discord server or (previously, RIP) Twitter threads. I love making up stories with friends. "And then the blorbo suffers!" "Ooh, but what if their love interest suffers along with them?" "YES, and then they can comfort each other afterwards!"

I like that when I do that, the story isn't pinned down yet - it can go anywhere. And even if one of us writes a more traditional piece based on what we talked about, and posts it on AO3 or wherever - the other participant(s) in the conversation, or even some other random fandom member who woke up too late to participate or something (if the conversation wasn't in DMs), can write their own piece, with their own interpretation of the idea, and that's encouraged. Two cakes!

Now, I know that some people would absolutely love it if a stranger read their AO3-posted WIP and went "I couldn't bear that it was unfinished, so I wrote my own ending." I'm one of those people! But I also know that some people would take offense. And that doesn't feel the same, to me, as starting with a collaboration - it feels closer to writing fanfic of original fiction. (Which I obviously think is awesome, but it's a much more distant form of conversation.)

When I read a WIP, I know the author (usually/often) has an outline for the rest of the fic. They know exactly how they want the plot points to go, if not the details. There is an ending, most/a lot of the time - I just don't know what it is, because it's not written/posted yet. And that bothers me. I think it would actually bother me even more if there wasn't an ending yet, even in the author's head! I'm the sort of person who seeks out spoilers - I want to know how the story ends before I invest in it. I can't do that with a WIP.

But with fic-spitballing, often the ending is the first thing you come up with. Or the second. Or you have a vague idea, and then you decide on something else. In any case, you're not at risk of investing a bunch of energy into something that surprises you with a final ending you dislike. If you dislike the idea your conversation partner(s) have for the ending, you can just make your own.

And importantly, that ending is just as much a part of the quasi-fic as theirs is. You're not changing their story, you're just making a new branch of the idea. I think that's the thing, for me. If I read a WIP, I'll finish it in my head, and that ending will become the "real" ending to me - even if I read the creator's original ending later. And that bothers me.

When I come up with a fic idea that changes canon - maybe a Bad End, or a genderbend, or something silly - it comforts me that canon is still there, and I can't actually change or erase it. It'll always be the "real" story to me. The fic will always be the derivative.

I prefer writing love letters to canon, rather than hate mail - I used to be in the Destiel fandom (Supernatural is famous for screwing its Destiel viewers over); now, I'm in fandoms for canon M/M romance, and I'm much happier. I don't think either way of engaging with canon is objectively better, and I know some people prefer the hate-mail one and find more meaning in it, but I do know that the love-letter one is better for me.

So I avoid canons I know I'll be unsatisfied with. And I do the same with published fanfic. If I know I'll feel like "this story isn't enough, I want to fix it or finish it" - even if I'll also feel like "this is good, and it inspires me" - most of the time, I won't even start, because that feeling (and the way I deal with it, by making my own version, whether or not I write it down) frustrates me.

Fic-spitballing, on the other hand, feels more like just an idea. A beginning. It's not something to fix or finish - it's not supposed to be a real story yet. It's not supposed to be "enough" yet. It's the birth of a story, one you get to participate in. And that works better for me - creating stories from the start, instead of fixing or adding onto a story that already exists.

Anyway, WIPs are great. I hope the culture of posting WIPs and commenting on them as they're uploaded never dies down. I've posted some of my own WIPs before, and getting comments on each chapter was essential to my motivation for writing the next one! It's just not something I, personally, can healthily do for other people. I'll stick to the form of creating-things-together that works for me.

If you read all of that, and you have thoughts about your own preferences and participation in fandom, I'm super interested! Please feel free to reply or reblog with your own rambles. :D

[onigiri-dorkk]

hiii :D coming from THAT twitter argument and saw your tweet/tumblr url about it "Mikasa being Levi's right-hand" omggggg I never knew I needed this so bad???????????? is there a fic list rec or smth where Mikasa is Levi's right-hand, doesn't have to be a ship fic idc I just need them being best duo in the world. are there fics where they fuck shit up together? often i see armin being levi's and hange's right-hand in fics but I want Mikasaaa

Omg YES! I’m glad you read that post! That twt argument was a mess but I’m glad it led you here 😭😂

Hell yeah Mikasa is his righthand. It’s interesting they don’t show much of it after the Season 3 Uprising arc/Crystal Caves, but it’s absolutely implied and makes sense. Mikasa’s the girl worth a hundred soldiers—as time goes on, she’s worth even more as she grows and nurtured that skill. Of COURSE this rare, once-in-a-lifetime soldier would end up accompanying the Captain of the Scouts in combat and off-field. We saw it during the uprising arc in full display, entering the battlefield together first before the rest of the crew, Mikasa helping him with the hands-on work of capturing people directly, even that moment when Mikasa speaks up for Levi and asks Armin and gang to trust Levi’s leadership when they doubted him/saw him as a bad leader for asking them to kill humans.

They went from not trusting each other (Mikasa doubting Levi’s intentions and leadership, and Levi wary of Mikasa’s tunnel vision over Eren) to having the fullest trust in each other’s skills/competency, to being the equivalent of Kenny/Caven (a captain and his righthand strong soldier), to heading into the battle of Heaven and Earth together where not only does Levi trust Mikasa with the final blow (whereas he is usually the one in that position), but he aids her the exact same way she aided him in the forest w Female Titan long ago. There’s just so much transformation and development between Levi and Mikasa (platonic) that it personally INSULTS ME when people say there’s nothing between them or imply they don’t even notice each other!

She has functioned as his righthand in his small squad for YEARS now. When mutual respect and admiration grows and nurtures for years, throw on surviving so many dire battles together, add on an exclusive understanding of each other as Ackermans burdened by their strength, of course an irreplaceable bond forms.

ANYWAYYYYY! Fic recs!!

I think I have some fun longfic suggestions for you! Everything I read is ship-related so hopefully that is okay for you!

My top rec is The Song Remains the Same by @moraleewright! A majority of this one takes place in the Underground where Levi and Mikasa venture off to solve a mystery. Packed full of adventure, angst, top tier romance and smut, gripping mystery, exciting action, plot twists, great original characters, all the things. I’ve been meaning to reread this one for the 4th time 😂 Mora’s writing style is to be praised every time. Her other fics are fantastic too!

The next is Determination by @chaosisbeauty23! I admit I haven’t gotten to finish this one yet (😭) but it is a full retelling of canon that is Rivamika-centered, so looots of adventure and action and moments reframed to circle around the two. Chaos is fantastic and a writing machine, she has so many stories and all so diverse!

The next is self promo (🤭) of my Microcosmos fic. Mikasa and Levi head back to Marley undercover to retrieve Eren after he goes missing. I wrote this with the top desire of seeing them as a soldier duo (obviously with romance budding) and I had FUN writing a lot of their action scenes and Marley adventures and all. The first three chapters are slower paced than the rest but I’m very proud of where things go, who they meet, how things unravel, and how they save and help each other throughout it, growing individually and together because of this journey.

I realize a lot of what I’ve read so far is post-war so not a ton of badass Ackerman action, but I’ll try to think more of other stories that are kinda action-duo based during their time as active soldiers. I’m thankful we have a lot of Rivamika fics even if we’re tiny in number 👏🏽

Thanks for the ask! My inbox is always open!

[ts1989fanatic]

Conservative Christians are accusing Taylor Swift of promoting Satanism and witchcraft on her Eras world tour.

Yep, you read that correctly. We're not making this up.

The bizarre movement has cherry-picked a bit of theatrical stagecraft from Swift's Eras tour and are ranting about it on social media.

They seem to think the 33-year-old pop star is actually trying to promote naughty stuff through her actions on stage

One person took to Twitter to slam Swift and her witchy ways.

They wrote: "Never liked Taylor Swift, but now I definitely have a reason to. [I] just saw a video of her witchcraft/ritual performance on someone's Insta story. Nope! Get that evil out of here," before adding: “Believers should not listen to this."But before it gets better, it gets worse. There was one more bizarre rant that is doing the rounds.

In a now-viral clip on TikTok, one Christian woman takes Swift's stage performance a little too seriously.

"This is Taylor Swift's song 'Willow' where she is a witch during rituals," the woman said.

"The first video you saw was taken by a fan the other night at the concert and he says, 'yes, summon the demons b***h!' The worst part is that [Swift] commented twice [on the video]. [Swift] said: 'This is the new 'one, two, three, let’s go b***h'," the woman explained.

"So what she’s saying is 'summon the demons' is the new crowd chant that they all say when she does his witchcraft ritual.

The person added: "Then she commented laughing emojis."

Riiiight. Anyway, it somehow gets even more bonkers.

The rant continues with a bit on how people 'keep saying stop shoving in Christianity down our throats' when huge artists are 'shoving witchcraft and rituals, crystals, astrology and all that down our throats'.

She then went way off the deep end, giving her explanation as to why people seem to hate Christianity so much.

"It’s because the demons get angry every time you mention God. Every time you mention Jesus they start foaming at the mouth. They start screaming and they start manifesting demons,” she said.

The woman then added: The demons don’t want to hear about Jesus. That’s the only name they’re afraid of. That’s the only name they have to answer to.That’s the only name that sends them to hell."

Goodness gracious, talk about taking it too far.

Admittedly, however, Swift has previously said her song ‘Willow’ 'sounds like casting a spell to make someone fall in love with you'.

She then riffed off that notion, putting out several several witch remixes of 'Willow'.

Also, in her song 'Mad Woman' from 2020's Folklore, Swift sings: "Women like hunting witches too. Doing your dirtiest work for you."

She also referenced witch hunts on her 2017 album Reputation.

"They’re burning all the witches, even if you aren’t one," she sings in the song 'I Did Something Bad'.

What these Conservative Christians seem to have missed is the more modern meaning of 'witch'.

The word is now used as a symbol of feminism and for strong and unapologetic women, as per Psychsex.

It has also become synonymous with the Cottagecore aesthetic, which you'll find all over Etsy and Pinterest.

It's also the 'era' from which Swift's twin 2020 albums Evermore and Folklore draws inspiration from.

So, yeah, perhaps someone needs to show these religious folk another one of her songs, entitled ‘You Need To Calm Down’.

ts1989fanatic I personally think the writer of this piece should take their own advice highlighted above.

This is a few crazies from Twitter I mean come on it’s Twitter, I am sure Taylor Swift has plenty of Conservative Christian fans to offset a couple of crazies. And that’s all it is a couple and as the lady herself says

haters gonna hate”

[disventure-rewrite-takes]

yesterday was a very rough day for me. I was very anxious which caused me a lot of stomach pain and headache. Kept walking back and forth hoping and praying that when the episodes drop I won't see what I ended up seeing. I could barely sleep the night before it either. Then I saw the google drive link for the episode on twitter, downloaded it and skipped straight to the end just to see who goes home, hoping that all that constant pain and fighting wasn't for nothing. Turns out they were all for nothing. I made a comment about it on reddit then I just cried my eyes out. All for nothing, yet another lose and proof that I have no luck, that nothing in my life ever wants to work out the way I want. I cried and my chest hurt so much that I passed out and my mom had to take me to the hospital. I am fine and can think and talk properly now, however i have no desire for anything anymore. Absolutely nothing. And whenever I think about what happened I just feel bad. I was able to watch season 3 episode 21 in full a few hours ago and was completely let down by how they wrote him. It was so awful. I was able to stomach how he went home last season but here? This ain't it. I haven't felt this bad watching a disventure camp episode in my life and I have 0 desire to continue watching it, and as someone who constantly defended the show this really hurts more than it should. I feel like I got stabbed. Jake haters won, I lost. Congrats to everyone who wanted him to go early, you won, he's not gonna compete ever again. I bet all of them are celebrating right now, good for them.

So this leads me to my goodbye. Everyone i know told me to leave everything about this show behind for my own well beng. And that's what I'm going to do. Thank you to everyone who liked me, and to those who didn't, I am sorry. I had some fun times here and I'm happy I was able to make some people laugh either with my pants jokes, my fanarts or with my love for Jake, which yes, is genuine, I do genuinely have a crush on him even if he's not real, even if he's a piece of shit, he's my piece of shit. i'm gonna keep this account up for a few more hours then I will delete it for good unless the mods will be faster than me and delete this thread before it for being too off topic. No more coming back unless maybe some miracle happens and I find out that either him or another character I really love will compete in another season. But i'm not gonna be that lucky because this whole thing proved that I never will be, no matter how much I beg for it. Why remain here when I'm not interested in any of the future episodes and the show will likely end for good after it, if not forever then definitely for a couple of years. No point in staying here. Goodbye and as Jake once said, It's giving./c

its giving 😞✊🏼

[loboalphaoro-blog]

She

had reblogged something about how we can't be in love if our demons can't dance together before we ever met but

She

met me and took it all back. said something about settling for a motherfucker who won't get out of bed... as if i asked to be thusly afflicted. as if i didn't warn her how hard it is to love me. I'll have times where my body won't find the bed for weeks... won't have need for the rest, it would only distract from my whimsical Purpose and my mind would race ever the more for it. the flipside (Also disclosed) is the counterpart to the Mountaintop of Mania. the dizzying drop and dismal existence of the

Abyss -

of depression. don't settle for a mfer who won't get out of bed. as if i didn't warn her that there will be times i can find no solace anywhere - but feel numb in my cave and will remain there for a time to recoup and recovery.

it was always the

hypocrisy, for me

She called me a bipolar whore - many times - even in front of our daughter. but she gave that pussy up to a bar manager for cash. she sold her body more than once. she fucked my enemies, my friends, and anyone else who would look at her twice.

AND SHE

never apologized when she got diagnosed bipolar. she never saw the irony. didn't even realize she was projecting her rage upon me when she called me that. a bipolar whore.

that good thing that you damaged? that beautiful man who rightfully regrets looking at you twice? the one you happily and QUICKLY submitted to two posts after promising to never submit again? the one whose scraps of love you cling to and who continues to string you along like a dog on a leash? will be fine.

yeah, you exposed him to something horrible without his knowledge or consent.

but you were not special to him. you thought he was going to take you with him? raise your daughter? pathetic.

there is only one man who was blinded enough to not see through you.

to not care about the apathy, disrespect, and disregard for love language.

he was me, but i took off my rose colored glasses. because when you're wearing rose colored glasses...

red flags just look like regular flags.

everyone who knew you previously warned me that you were a snake, like the one you aptly identified yourself with by tattooing on your arm. everyone! but i didn't listen.

rose colored glasses.

i told them all in turn that I didn't believe them to their faces and even so... your traumatic childhood would proclude you from ever even ATTEMPTING to take my daughter from me.

i was wrong.

and i am heartbroken for it.

i believed in you.

you are a disappointment.

those things you wrote about being bad at love and worthy of all the pain and heartbreak?

are true.

i am woefully bitter at this point. i am terrified that I'll lose in any capacity my reason for being.

i cannot wait until your looks fade away... and all that's left of you is your horrid disfigured soul. no one will think you are beautiful, then. no one will even attempt to deceive you for sex.

at least-

they'll stop passing you around the bar scene like an end of night ciggy.

you're used up. diseased. dishonest. distrustful. disdainful. and dishonorable.

yes.

you deserve all this pain.

wallow in it.

you foul beast.

ps... you wrote the post about not putting me on your social media... on... your social media... between an entire Twitter page that has been dedicated to spewing vile poison about me for three years. just call it like it is.

you didn't want people to know what a despicable person you truly are.