#and you know what i wish someone was interested in me romantically. never happened before.

[jonny-b-meowborn]

Dude I miss the feeling of being in love. Like no one ever loved me back and I've never been in a relationship, so I can't miss that, and while I'd love to date someone, I just really miss the feeling of having a crush on someone

[bluexiao]

#monsieur neuvillette’s relationship headcanons

NOTES. finally a work after months. i missed this, tbh. but hey, here’s my new husband for you. might also have a part 2 of this i feel like i haven’t written everything yet

WARNING. real identity spoilers (nothing too explicit from the current archon quest i haven’t even done it yet oops)

NEUVILLETTE

(Before)

Before the relationship began, it took a long while for him to truly process what he had been feeling towards you—to be frank, he even thought he was getting sick (which was impossible. He never got sick.), though that thought comes to an end the moment he realizes that the effects only happen when he is around you. Only you.

He had heard of love before. Had seen love. Had read about love. Not just the platonic or familial ones, but also romance and more. And yet, he does not understand them, simply because he considers them as something someone like him would not eventually feel.

And yet, it all changed when he first saw you. Curiosity turns to admiration, and admiration turns to anxiety—which is never good; the sweating on his hands and the back of his neck, and the pressure on his chest whenever your presence comes.

He was only reminded of the term romance when he consulted Sigewinne about it.

“Does it only happen around a certain person, Monsieur?” “Monsieur, I think you are simply in love,” she says. “Humans do tend to have the same symptoms but it does not necessarily mean you are sick. It appears to me that you feel the same as well. Does their presence give you happiness?”

He did not even need to ponder over his answer. What he does ponder over is how he should deal with it. The evidence is overwhelming, and there is only one verdict. And yet, where does this lead to?

Contrary to popular belief, he will confess as soon as he is sure of his feelings. He is an honest and honorable man. He would confess his feelings if he could, but it did take some time knowing how busy his schedule was.

The only thing that probably was able to push him to go through was the Melusines. It took them weeks to have him clear his schedule up for a nice little dinner date that they had planned and suggested to the Monsieur.

“Recently, I have come to realize that I have developed a romantic interest with you, Y/n.”

“I do not intend to put pressure on you. I shall accept whatever judgment you make. I do not wish for you to change how you treat me in any way.”

“If you may… I can only ask to indulge in this meal with you for tonight. Your company eases me greatly.”

Brutally honest. It may even drive you crazy how this all seems so easy on him.

But in reality, his palms were sweating underneath his gloves and the slightly cool sensation of the utensils as he blurts out his intentions for setting up such an occasion. His heart was pounding but he could not process whether this was about how you looked especially good tonight or his nervousness with finally confessing his feelings for you.

Or maybe both. Either way, all evidence of such leads to only one thing—you.

Bonus; I do think he’ll reveal who he is first before he gets into a relationship with you but that really depends on how observant you are.

(During)

It was a surprise to him, at the very least, how he had managed to keep you as his lover despite what he lacks. He knew how he was not well-versed with “feelings” per se (just in his mind), but you, the angel that you’ve always been, chose to be with him.

The sudden change did not occur to him much, actually. But he did notice how much his mind lingers to you more often than not, and how he will end up recalling how you are now his one and only lover.

It takes time for him to adjust, but it all started with frequent conversations (much more than before), then sending flowers to your place every other day (constantly), though most of the time they’re delivered by someone else, knowing how busy he is as the Chief Justice.

Or when he started to first brush his gloved fingers to yours.

When he does something, it will be constant. (Maybe this also comes from being responsible and disciplined as shown by being the Chief Justice). All the things that he did before, he still does them now—unless you’ve told him no, of course.

He is definitely a man of his honor!!

And would always ask for your permission first before he touches your hand, or holds them, or hugs you, or kisses you.

He does like pampering and showering you with “offerings” though.

Stuff like buying your favorite flowers or trinkets once or twice a week, making sure you have enough supply of the best water out there. And even with how he always has an umbrella or parasol for you (ones he got ever since you got together; one in his office, one that’s foldable for him to carry under his coat, and one he gave to you for every time you leave the house.

Through the course of the relationship, he learned about the beauty of life, which is how he sometimes brings you flowers despite its short life. However, he still secretly prefers giving you trinkets for your hoard of gifts from him, mostly because it symbolizes his everlasting love for you. (He’s very romantic like that, even if he does not know he is)

He will also introduce every single Melusine in Fontaine. At first, it may surprise you how he knows all of their names, but it will surprise you even more the moment you realize you could do the same. If you do, he’ll love you even more (which he thought was impossible at first as he knew he already loves you very much).

The Melusines will treat you as their other parent the moment it is known amongst all of them that you’re his lover. Sigewinne, for one, would always give you a personalized gift. She would also always send you letters to ask how you are and probably be quite excited whenever you accept an invitation for a cup of tea.

Monsieur Neuvillete is not jealous, but he is possessive and territorial. It’s a dragon instinct, forgive him.

It also comes with being protective. Though he’s not feral, he would make sure to always shield you away from any harm, or anything that might take you away.

One time, he had to deal with a bunch of… shameless individuals who had tried to make a move on you, and though he has great trust on you, he cannot help but have the same self-deprecating voices in the back of his mind.

Though instinctively, he finds himself buying you trinkets or flowers again.

“Hm? You just gave me one earlier, didn’t you?” You look up with a confused look but still hold that smile that stirs butterflies in his chest.

He nodded. “The flowers reminded me of you, mon amour. I could not help but feel the urge to give it to you.”

It does not stop him from giving you offerings.

Of course, he cannot just give up on you. The ruling of whoever deserves your love and affection the most. Of course, he is at an advantage knowing that he’s already your lover.

“Is there something wrong?” You looked up to him, hearing the pitter patter of the rain outside through the taps on the windows. You had your hands on his shoulders, gently rubbing them with your palms.

“It’s nothing, mon cœur, no need to worry.” He flashes you a reassuring smile, and yet, at the back of his mind, he wondered how you could have thought to check on him. Is it perhaps the gloominess in the atmosphere?

You frown as you look at him intently, “There are times when you’d shower me gifts with a saddened look on you. I’m worried, is all.”

He stares at you then. Ah, so you noticed, he thought.

He chuckles as he shakes his head and stands right next to you. “May I?” He opens his arms and you nod and dive right into his chest. He enclosed you into an embrace, relishing the feeling of your warmth.

He kisses your forehead then. “Allow me to bask in your presence for a while.”

For short, one of the best. Definitely a 100/10.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Hi! So I'm currently re-reading acotar and honestly I forgot how much I love this series. Because you're such an amazing writer (and if you're taking acotar requests) i was wondering if you could write a little angsty love triangle involving Eris x reader x Azriel? She's Rhys little sister and has been pining over Azriel for years but he never gives her the time of day and because of this she develops a strong friend with Lucien (they both just want to be loved) and in swoops Eris. Or Rhys makes some sort of deal with Eris requiring her help. I'm not sure I'm just such a sucker for an angsty love triangle 🤍

It took me a hot minute so I apologize. I hope you will still enjoy it. 🤍✨

You look lonely - I can fix that

You loved him. Loved him so much that you were willing to tear yourself apart over and over and over again. Watching him fall and break himself over females that wanted nothing to do with him. Settling for a temporary glimpse of love when you were there offering him a lifetime of devotion. But it’s as if he was unseeing when it came to you. As if all of your gestures of love went right over Azriel’s head.

“I just want to be someone’s first chance”, he chuckled bitterly after an argument he had with Mor. “You are though”, you muttered, despite eyes looking up at the males clouding your eyes for decades. “Not like a friend to you, little one”, he smiled at you. Making the aching whole shape of him within your heart bleed all over again. “But you are”, you muttered. Silently begging him to see you. But all he did was brush the side of your face, “You’ll sweet but you don’t know what it means to love someone who doesn’t love you back”, his words sliced you open. But you pushed the emotion deeper within. Watching him step away from you.

Then in came Elain. You had tried to keep him away. Keep him away from the hellfire that was gonna swallow him if he chose the path that he was going down in. But that had only made his frustration pour out on you. “I’m trying to warn you because I care”, you screamed at him, bitter tears falling down your cheeks. “No one asked for your opinion on my love life”, Azriel bit back, “Stick to your tea parties and pretty dresses”. You wished you could cut him out of your system. Get rid of the flame of hope.

“Save some for me”, you flinch slightly. Dropping the bottle of bourbon on the grass before reaching back to pull the spilling bottle up. Lucien didn’t seem to mind. And you were too tipsy to care as you offered the bottle to him. “What are we drinking to?”, he sat down next to you, pulling a handkerchief before handing it to you. “Our fucked love life”, you sniffed, hating yourself for it. “Yeah, fuck them”, Lucien saluted before throwing his head back, “You and I, we are on the same boat sweetie”, he handed the bottle back to you. “Two outcasts of love”, you chuckled bitterly before taking another sip.

What you didn’t expect was to find such comfort in Lucien. You two had no mutual interest in being together. There was nothing between you romantically but the comfort of having a soul that called to the same pain was as if breathing again. So you stuck together. Going on hunting trips. Parties. Gatherings. Visiting each other in your homes. So it wasn’t that big of a surprise when Lucien asked you to accompany you to one of the celebrations that were happening in autumn.

That’s how you found yourself watching him make females swoop over the magic tricks he was casting. Not being able to suppress a light smile. Loving that his playful side was slowly coming back. “Mind if I join you”, that voice alone made a shiver run down your spine. And another one once you eyes too in a sign in front of you. In a deep shade of green stood none other than Eris. Lethal the beauty of this male was. “It pains me that my brother brought a lady of unmatched beauty with him but left her alone to play ancient tricks instead”, he stepped closer bringing a scent of pines and forest with him. “I don’t mind”, you shrugged, “I’m happy that he’s in a much brighter spirit”. Eris hummed at your words. Eyes never leaving you. “And are you?”, he asked, making your heart flutter, “Are you in brighter spirits?” You tried to open your mouth to say something. Anything. To smile. To brush off the ache that didn’t leave you. Eris reached out, brushing away a strand of your night black hair, “You look lonely, my love”, he muttered, “I can fix that”.

And to his promise Eris stayed true. And soon your time was occupied with him. And only him. He showed you Autumn. Brought you down his childhood trails. His dogs had been an immense part of your everyday walks. But all of that only mattered because he saw you. Not past you. But right through you. Into the depths of your soul. “I’m not a good man”, he muttered one night, fingers lazing and brushing over your exposed shoulder. “I don’t agree with that”, you shook your head. “That’s because you make me better. I don’t have the urge to bite when I’m with you”, he admitted, filling your heart up with so many emotions yet keeping all the scars from cracking open.

You bring him home after that. To your brother. To your family. Fueled by the same urge to show him your home. Part of it you loved dearly. Only joy was wiped off your face within a heartbeat. “What is he doing here?”, Azriel snarled, narrowing his eyes at Eris. “It’s my pleasure to see you once again”, Eris didn’t even miss a beat as his fox-like eyes followed Azriel. “I’m here because I’m courting this lovely woman”, he reached out for your hand before bringing it up to his lips. “That’s bullshit”, Azriel grunted, “Step away from him, Yn”, he ordered.

“No”, you breathed. Making Azriel frown even harder, “What do you mean no?” “I am seeing him. We’re together”, you watched all of the emotions fighting in Azriel’s eyes. From confusion. To anger. To hurt. “But…”, he muttered. “I got tired of waiting, Azriel”, you sighed, “I was ready and willing to give it all to you but you pushed me away, I was a child to you”, shrugging you looked up at him. “I can’t live like a second… no fuck that… tenth? Twentieth choice?”, “That’s not true”, he cut in, reaching out for you to be met with Eris’s firm hand, “Times up, bat. She’s my girl now. And I take pride in calling her mine”.

[marvelsmylife]

Everything has changed

Pairing: Eris x reader, Azriel x reader

Plot: you were burdened with the knowledge that you and Azriel were mates while he pined after your cousin and then Elain. What happens when you finally decide to move on with the one male Azriel hated the most, Eris and Azriel discovering your mates on the day you’re supposed to get married?

A/n I’m sorry there’s not a lot of Eris in this but I’d be more than happy to write a bonus chapter where his and the reader's relationship is the main focus.

Masterlist

Request

Knowing who you were meant to be with at a very young age was a blessing and a curse. A blessing because you knew who it was, but a curse when your mate doesn’t know and is pining after someone else. It especially hurts when he is pining after your cousin.

For centuries you watched from the sidelines as Azriel pined after your cousin, Mor. It hurt as you saw the way he stared at her, the same way you stared at him when he wasn’t looking. The sad thing was that she hinted that she wasn’t interested in him so many times, but he ignored them. It wasn’t until Star Fall that Mor told Azriel she would never see him romantically. “You should move on,” Mor told Azriel before leaving him alone in the courtyard.

That’s where you found him after the party had ended. You stopped in your tracks when you noticed he was crying. This was out of the ordinary because from your knowledge Azriel hasn’t cried since he was a child. “Az?” you called out and got the shadow singer's attention, “are you ok?”

“Do you think I’m unloveable?” Azriel’s question took you by surprise.

You were at a loss for words at Azriel’s question. “Why would you ask that?” you asked as you walked over and sat next to him, “of course you’re lovable.”

“Then why did Mor reject me?” Azriel looked at you and you could see hurt in his eyes.

You let out a sigh before replying, “Mor,” you paused as you tried to find the right words to say, “she’s been through a lot, especially as a child. Trauma can change the way we view things and unfortunately for you, it changed the way Mor views love. I’m sure you’ll find someone who will love and adore you unconditionally. You just have to be patient.”

“You’re right,” Azriel replied, “I just wish I could meet my mate already. I feel like as soon as I meet my mate my life will finally fall into place.”

You desperately wanted to tell him how you felt about him and that you were mates at that moment, but ultimately decided against it. You thought Azriel would be too overwhelmed to process the news so you stepped back and let him heal. 

Of course, you didn’t get the chance to confess your feelings or the fact you were mates when the Archeron sisters came into your life. You knew Azriel was smitten with Elain the second she complimented his hands. He had never blushed so much at a simple compliment. It crushed you that no matter how many times you complimented him, he never reacted that way.

You also saw Elain’s growing interest in Azriel so you decided to pull away from your family so you wouldn’t have to be around them. You thought no one would notice your absence, but unfortunately for you, your brother noticed and it pained him to watch you suffer in silence.

To Rhysand’s credit, he put a stop to any potential relationship between Azriel and Elain. He successfully prevented them from getting together, and let out a sigh of relief when Elain left for the spring court with Lucien. Unfortunately, the damage was done, and you wanted nothing to do with Azriel.

Once Elain was gone you started spending more time with everyone in the inner circle, except Azriel. Of course, Azriel was oblivious because he was still hung up on Elain to notice. The other members of the inner circle did notice though, and would ask you from time to time why you weren’t seeking out Azriel like you did before. “I’ve been busy,” was all you told them before changing the subject.

You were able to successfully avoid Azriel for three more months until you had to attend an event in Hewn City. “Well, don’t you look stunning,” Amren complimented you as you entered the room.

Azriel only intended to look at you for a brief moment before focusing on his conversation with Cassian. That changed when his eyes landed on you, and found himself staring longer than he should have. “Hello, are you listening to me?” Cassian snapped his fingers in front of Azriel's face to get his attention.

“Sorry, yes,” Azriel shook his head and tried to give his brother his undivided attention. Unfortunately, he found himself glancing over at you. Azriel didn’t know if it was because he hadn’t seen you in months or what, but he felt like there was something about you that was different. Before, you were timid and often dressed to blend into the background. What you were currently wearing was the complete opposite, and as much as he tried to look away, he couldn’t.

"Let's get this over with," you grabbed Amren's arm and winnowed out of the room.

As soon as you arrived, you made your way straight to the bar and requested the strongest drink. You always hated visiting Hewn City, so you drank until you were able to tolerate the fae attending the gathering. You were on your fourth drink of the night when you heard a familiar voice, “Well if it isn’t y/n.” 

Looking over your shoulder you spotted Eris making his way towards you, “Well, if it isn’t my favorite Vanserra,” you replied with a smirk on your face.

“I’m honored that I’m your favorite Vanserra,” Eris teased, “I’m surprised to see you all alone here. You’re usually with Cassian or Azriel.”

You winced are the mention of your mate, “Yeah, well Cassian is with Nesta and I’m not speaking to Azriel at the moment. So that’s why I’m alone.”

Eris’ eyes widened at the fact you weren’t speaking to Azriel. For as long as he could remember you and Azriel were joined at the hip, and suddenly you’re not speaking. “May I ask why you’re not speaking?”

“Personal reasons,” you replied before looking up at the redhead, “would you like to dance?”

Eris had a surprised look on his face at your request but was more than eager to take you up on the offer. “It would be my honor,” Eris kissed your hand before leading you to the dance floor.

While you made your way to the dance floor, Azriel was ready to march towards your direction and save you from Eris. He wanted to be by your side from the start, but Rhysand told him that he needed him close by. Azriel was about to walk towards you when Rhysand placed his hand on Azriel’s shoulder, “don’t,” Rhysand warned, “my sister knows how to handle herself, and if not, she’d tell me if she needed help.”

“What if he tries to do something to her?” Azriel argued back; his eyes were glued on you as Eris twirled you around the dance floor.

Rhysand rolled his eyes at Azriel’s argument, “Eris wouldn’t be dumb enough to do something to y/n here. Plus, it looks like y/n is enjoying her time with him.”

Azriel hated to admit it, but Rhysand was right. He was about to let it go until he noticed Eris’ hands were starting to make their way to your ass. With a scowl on his face, Azriel marched over to where you were. “Do you mind? We were in the middle of something,” Eris stared down Azriel, his arms still wrapped around your body.

Something in Azriel snapped at Eris’ words and began to strangle him, “Don’t ever touch her like that ever again! You might be high lord of the Autumn Court, but that doesn’t give you the right to touch someone y/n like that.”

Rhysand rushed over to where you were and tried to pull Azriel away from Eris but was strong enough. “Cassian, come help me,” Rhysand yelled.

Cassian sprinted over and finally yanked Azriel away from Eris, “Azriel, what the fuck is wrong with you !” you yelled as you walked over to where Eris was standing and started inspecting his throat, “are you ok?”

“Yes,” Eris straightened up and acted like nothing happened, “would you still like to continue our dance?”

You were ready to say yes, when Rhysand interrupted, “Unfortunately, we have to go now, but maybe another time.”

You knew better than to argue with Rhysand while you were in Hewn City, so you turned to Eris and said, “Come find me the next time you decide to visit, ok?”

“Of course,” Eris brought your hand to his lips again and kissed it, “until next time.” You felt yourself getting flustered at Eris’ action and smiled as you left with your family back to Velaris. 

That was the first, but certainly not the last Azriel found himself becoming jealous of you interacting with Eris. Azriel didn’t know why, but he hated that you were spending all of your time with Eris. He watched from afar as you grew closer to him. He also noticed Eris would always bring you presents and take you out to lunch or dinner when he visited.

Azriel even tried to get Rhysand to ban Eris from the night court. Unfortunately for him, Rhysand reminded him that Eris was now the high lord of the autumn court, and he wanted to be on good terms with him. “If you can’t ban him from the night court, could you at least ban him from spending time with y/n? I don’t like how close they’re getting.”

Rhysand let out a dry laugh at Azriel’s request, “First of all, you know damn well I can’t control what y/n does. The last time I tried she had me nailed to a tree in the Ilyrian mountains. Secondly, she’s a grown female. She can do whatever she pleases, and if being friends with Eris makes her happy, then I’m happy.”

“That’s the thing, I don’t think he just wants to be friends with her,” Azriel argued back, “and it seems she feels the same way he does.”

Rhysand let out a sigh as he realized what Azriel was implying, “Listen, I know you don’t like the male, but y/n does, and if she wants to get into a relationship with him, that’s her choice.”

Azriel knew Rhysand was right and that he should back off, but something in his gut was telling him that he needed to stop you from being with Eris. “Fine, I’ll back off,” was Azriel said before he stormed out of the room.

Unfortunately for Azriel, not even a week later you arrive home with a gorgeous diamond ring on your finger. “Eris just asked me to marry him and gave me his mother's ring ! ! !” You raised your hand and showed everyone the massive ring.

Mor was understandingly upset at the news because of her past with Eris, but she still congratulated you before leaving. “Just let her be, she’ll get over it,” Amren commented as she examined the ring, “this right here though. Absolutely exquisite. Those autumn males have great taste, I mean Eris did choose one of the most gorgeous females in all of Prythian after all.” Amren gave you a wink “Congratulations sweetheart.”

While everyone was congratulating you on your engagement with Eris, Azriel was in the corner angry. “Where’s your fiancé?” Cassian asked.

“He’s outside. He didn’t know how you would handle the news, but seeing as you guys are ok with it, I’ll bring him inside,” you laughed before disappearing for a few minutes and coming back with Eris; your now fiancé.

Throughout your engagement, Azriel would complain to Rhysand that he didn’t approve of you marrying Eris. He would constantly tell him that Eris wasn’t capable of love and that you were going to end up hurt. “He’s just using her! Once he gets what he wants from her he’ll get rid of her” Azriel argued the night before your wedding.

“That’s enough,” Rhysand slammed his fist on his desk before standing, “I get that you don’t like the male, but you are completely wrong about his intentions. Like you, I’ve been observing him to see if he is deceiving y/n and I can tell he truly loves and cares for her. He loves her so much that he is willing to have the wedding here instead of the autumn court because he knows y/n wants to get married where our parents did centuries ago. You don’t have to come to the wedding if you don’t want to, but you will not ruin one of the most important days of my baby sister's life.” With that, Rhysand left to go find you to go over last minute details of the wedding.

As much as Azriel didn’t want to, he showed up to your wedding the following day. He knew he would have regretted not showing up and seeing you one last time before you permanently moved to the autumn court. He also went to try and convince you to not go through with the wedding. “What are you doing here?” you glared at the shadowsinger.

Azriel tried to reply but no words were able to escape his lips. He looks at you in awe as took in your appearance. You looked radiant in the stunning white dress your mother made for you before she passed away. Your makeup was flawless and your hair was perfectly styled. Azriel tried to speak again but froze when he felt the mating bond finally snap into place for him. “You’re my mate” Azriel whispered.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me right now,” you groaned “Of course the mating bond would snap for you on the day of my wedding.”

Azriel looked at you hurt at your words and replied, “Wait you knew we were mates? For how long?”

You contemplated lying to Azriel to spare his feelings, but seeing as you were leaving the night court you decided to tell the truth. “Since I was sixteen” you replied “and before you ask, I didn’t tell you before because you were so fucking in love with my cousin.”

“Are you kidding me?” Azriel ran his scared hands through his hair, “Why didn’t you tell me after I told you that Mor rejected me?”

You rolled your eyes as you watched Azriel spiral, “Elain happened. You were so fucking obsessed with her like you were with Mor that I didn’t even bother.”

“Is that why you distanced yourself from me?” Azriel asked. When you didn’t reply to his question, he silently cursed at himself before saying, “Don’t marry him. Don’t marry Eris. Give me a chance to prove myself to you and be the best mate to you.”

You didn’t mean to but you let out a loud laugh before replying, “You’re out of your fucking mind if you think I’m calling off this wedding. Eris has loved me unconditionally since our first dance in Hewn City. He has treated me like a queen and has never made me feel insecure or made me feel like I’m a second option. I will never be able to trust you. You only want me now because the females you want don’t want you.” You walked up to Azriel and poked his chest, “and I am not a consolation prize. I am worthy of being someone’s first choice and Eris chose me. So, stay if you want or don’t. I don’t care, but I’m going to get married today. Whether you like it or not.”

Azriel didn’t realize he was crying until he felt tears running down his cheeks. “I’m sorry” was all he could say before he left the room in a hurry and flew away from Velaris. He flew until his wings gave out and let out a sob as he realized that not even his mate wanted to be with him.

@byyalady @optimistic-but-very-realistic @lilah-asteria @myromanempiree @chuyouchu @eurydxceorphxus @knoxic @okaytrashpanda @angelbunny222 @wolfbc97 @coconut-dreamz @melmo567 @shadowsingercassia @thestartitaness @sidthedollface2 @alittlelostalittlefound @watermelomsuger @anxious-study @mrssatoruackerman @sunny1616 @nerdygirlyy @kemillyfreitas @vanserrasimp @oucereeng @mybestfriendmademe

[rockrosethistle]

I actually fucking hate Mr. Jägerman here's why

Mr. Jägerman is a character in the Hatchetfield universe who is never onstage and only mentioned in 1 (one) line. This was enough to ignite my rage.

It's because in this one line, so much is revealed about Max's character. So let's dissect that.

Max is mean. We know this. The very first thing established about him is how threatening he is. But I think his character often gets lost in the 'bully' identity, because just like every other Hatchetfield character, he is layered and complex.

We also find out two other things about him pretty much immediately: He has a crush on Grace (we'll come back to that) and he needs to feel in control.

There's a lot of evidence to support this. He repeatedly refers to himself as the 'god' of Hatchetfield High. He creates arbitrary rules around who his friends can date. He creates arbitrary rules around where the nerds are 'allowed' to go. And the moment someone implies he is not as powerful as he thinks he is, he retaliates violently.

This isn't just Max being a jerk. These are all signs of someone who is almost certainly deprived of control in their home life, which forces them to find it elsewhere. Max likely has little to no say in what happens to him at home. He's clinging to a sense of control wherever he can find it. And that line basically confirms that his home isn't a safe place for him.

Back to the crush on Grace, when you look objectively at the actions Max takes in the show, you'll find that he's not really a bad person, he's a mean person. He's a little shit that processes his need for control in the entirely wrong way, but people are shaped by their surroundings. The actions that come from him are different.

His crush on Grace only supports this. Every other bully in every piece of media sees the girl they like and whistle and say "yo lemme hit that." And if the girl rejects them, they resort to "tease bitch." Not Max. The first thing he does is start a conversation with her, laughs at (what he thinks is) a joke, then offers to carry her books. Like, I wish my highschool bullies were that nice to their own girlfriends.

When she rejects him, it's true that he continues to pursue her and calls her "dirty girl," but that once again comes back to his need to feel in control. But he doesn't get aggressive, he doesn't do anything that screams 'bully.'

We don't get a lot of scenes with pre-ghost Max. But when we do, they're interesting to analyze. Like, have you ever noticed that when he finds Steph in the Waylon Place, his very first instinct is to tell her, "Get behind me, I'll protect you" from, as far as he knows, actual ghosts? He feels like his life is in danger, but he's still putting Steph's safety first, despite having no interest in her romantically. That's huge.

There's even some evidence to support that Max terrorizing the nerds is, from his perspective, not so one-sided. When he finds out they were the ones who pulled the pranks, he says "I thought you guys hated me."

And he's open to change. He's not stubborn, he's not brutal. He doesn't continue hating the nerds just because it is what it is. Moments before his death, he is showing signs of opening up to them, and actually seems like he's coming around.

And none of this is meant as trying to defend Max's actions. I know he's the antagonist. I know he treats people unfairly. But all of this has to come from somewhere. I'm trying to say that there was clearly a foundation of a good person underneath all that cruelty. So what toughened his shell?

Mr. Jägerman. Max reveals in that one line that if he were to go back home from the 'party', his dad would call him a 'little cuck.' "can't even fight off one lousy skele'uhn." In this, he reveals his dad is demeaning to him. He's the kind of man who would hear that his son was in a life-or-death situation, and instead of comforting him, he would have made fun of him.

What must that do to a person? As someone who grew up in a home where Dad wasn't always a safe person to be around, I know that when I was younger, a lot of my bad bad behaviours were something I learned from him.

The prank meant to scare Max was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for him.

I think a lot of what happens in NPMD is indirectly Mr. Jägerman's fault. "Knowledge is knowing Frankenstein is the doctor, wisdom is knowing Frankenstein is the monster" type of shit. It is directly because of his actions and the way he treated his own child that any of this happened.

or maybe I'm reading too much into this. But I fucking hate Max's dad so much.

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#36: The Ressurection (1.04)

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Wow. 😭 This love scene was stunning and profound. A true resurrection of Richonne. 🙌🏽🥹

This scene also illustrated one of my absolute favorite things communicated in TOWL: that without Michonne, Rick can’t be alive but even more so - with Michonne, Rick can’t be dead.

Try as he may to fight being alive, if Rick is with Michonne he will always come back to life through her. And I love seeing that depicted in this moment where both of them powerfully and passionately begin to restore each other...

So the buildup scene prior to this was Richonne's sexiest scene yet. And then I love how as we transition to this bedroom scene they maintain that mesmerizing sensualness of course, but they also dive into some serious emotion, pain, and powerful love between these two soulmates when the unexpected happens during this long-awaited and blazing moment of intimacy.

Now, before the episode aired there were enough people with screeners using cowgirl hat/boots gifs and emojis as hints to give an idea of what to expect for this bedroom scene...but I still wasn’t ready lol.

They transition to the bedroom and I love that Richonne’s first time or first time again gets to be in such a nice romantic setting. It’s such a sensual environment with sheer curtains and the perfect warm lighting. And considering the grandness of Rick and Michonne finally getting to have each other in this way it’s only right that the environment feels elevated as well. 👌🏽

gif cred: @nerd4music

Once the camera slides pass the sheer curtains we see Rick and Michonne beautifully getting to have this moment of intimacy after years. And I love the way the breathing is the soundtrack for this love scene. Like there’s this pretty music too but the breathing is the real music here if you ask me. 😌

gif cred: @msanonships

I love that when we enter into the scene they’re all into it and as close as humanly possible but still pulling each other even closer. And then there's a tighter shot with Rick looking down and looking like he’s taking a moment to appreciate that his wife is so good at...literally everything in life.😋

gif cred: @nat111love

It’s interesting that the first time Michonne gets to see Rick outside of the CRM soldier uniform is when he literally has to take it off and be bare with her. He put the uniform on for her all those years ago, and now he's finally removed it for her as well.

And y’all, the Richonne fandom is educational because I learned a new word through the thoughts shared on this iconic scene. I saw someone mention how Rick looks up in supplication for Michonne’s kiss, and I hadn’t heard the word 'supplication' before. But once I searched the definition, it was the perfect word to describe this moment when Rick looks up at Michonne. 👌🏽And you know Michonne’s our little genie so she told Rick 'wish granted.' 😋

gif cred: @kimwexlersponytail

Also y’all, I know we say 'they’re wild for this' a lot regarding Richonne...but this whole licking moment between them and then the way he’s literally dripping off her lip after, and the way they subtly stick out their tongues once more like they were about to do it again…never have I meant it more when I say THEY ARE WILD FOR THIS.

There aren’t enough air conditioners in the world to cool down the hotness of this whole kiss. 🔥🔥🔥

gif cred: @lousolversons

I’ve heard that they debated whether or not they’d have an intimacy coordinator and then they decided on having one. And I cannot claim to know exactly everything that job entails and I'm sure she was great, but for some reason, I have a very strong feeling in a post-2020 world it was not an intimacy coordinator who suggested all that tongue stuff lol. 🤭

No, my bet would be that this particular moment stemmed from two gifted actors who know their characters very well, including knowing their character's shared level of freak, and as true professionals devoted to the role they let the spirit of the characters coordinate this kiss.👌🏽 I mean, we trust the captains for a reason.🫡 😋 They know how to play every shade of Richonne to perfection.

gif cred: @lousolversons

I'm glad that this moment right here didn’t end up on the cutting room floor. Since Danai was the showrunner of this stellar episode I know she mentioned she also got to have some involvement in the editing process. And every time I see this kiss I just imagine her in the editing room saying 'let's keep this part in the scene' and then looking right at us Richonne fans like...

They were filming this scene like they had something to prove about Richonne’s physical chemistry and baby, while it didn’t need to be proved they still proved it all the way. 💯❤️‍🔥

In TWD, they only ever showed Richonne's lead-up to sex or the after moments, but now that they were going to show the 'during' they said let the world know Rick and Michonne really get down. #LethalAmountsofChemistry

And what I especially love is that you can just sense their bodies remembering each other after years apart. After shutting this part of themselves off when they lost each other and only turning this part of themselves on for each other, it's made so clear that their mind, body, and soul connection is still as strong as ever.

It really is special how much Richonne's physical intimacy is a powerful manifestation of how intimately they love each other in every other way too.

gif cred: @nat111love

So they keep kissing and the camera switches angles as things appear like they are ramping up which you can hear in Rick’s breathing and moaning. But then as he’s touching her and about to get even more immersed in the moment the scene takes a compelling and heartrending turn...

Rick has a panic attack. 🥺

There is so much to dissect about this impactful panic attack moment. It’s just so well executed, painful, powerful, and vulnerable. 👏🏽

gif cred: @nat111love

First; I was very curious to examine why they have this panic attack occur right when it does. Because Rick and Michonne were pretty into it leading up to this so why this exact moment?

My extra self's personal interpretation is that as they were getting more into it, it looked like Rick was about to let loose a lot more and even be more of the assertive person he used to be like getting on top of her, and I feel like that assertiveness rushing back to him like that was jarring a bit.

gif cred: @nat111love

Plus, he can feel her, and they're heating up and I feel like he’s become so used to moments this good quickly coming to an end in his dreams so it’s like he’s bracing for that. Bracing for the part where this dreamlike state burns away and the woman of his dreams disappears, leaving him alone and in pain. 😢

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Also with the whole poison vs. cure thing, I think it’s like Rick's mind starts freaking out because while here he and Michonne are clearly providing each other pleasure, he’s anxious that ultimately being together will cause him to be a poison to her.

He still is convinced Michonne will be in danger if he’s with her and having this passionate moment together will only make it harder to part when that’s how he thinks it has to be. So this moment of intimacy is both this euphoric thing and this panic-inducing thing for him. 

At the start of the panic attack, Rick pulls away and starts struggling to catch his breath and I’ve always loved the detail of how when he first pulls away he still puts his hand up to reach to her, almost like he's both needing her and wanting to be reassuring to her even despite the fact that he’s in full panic mode. 🥲

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Rick has a quick glance at Michonne and then hangs his head down, out of sorts. And even just seeing the scars on him in this moment makes me so sad. 🥺 He’s been through a lot and for years he’s endured it all alone. This bedroom moment is one of the first times in a long time that he even gets to go through this internal anguish with a partner by his side.

gif cred: @nat111love

And again, the fact that this panicked breathing is similar to the anxious breathing he had when Michonne walked out the door earlier in the episode, goes to show he’s scared to be without her and to be with her. 

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Rick is struggling to look at her but Michonne gently takes his face in her hands and he looks at her as she assesses the situation, quickly knowing he’s having a panic attack. It makes me weepy how ready Michonne is to ever-so-gently help him through this. 😭

Also, y’all I’m in the camp of people who hear Michonne whisper “Look at me, baby.” If she didn’t say it…yes she did lol. 😋 And I love it. 😍

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Rick continues his labored breathing and Michonne does just the most beautiful thing ever when she takes his one hand and places it over her heart.

I love this more than words can explain - and yet, I’m still going to try to explain why I love it. 🥹😭🥹

Like the fact that her heartbeat is what can calm him in this moment. I'll never be over it. 😭  Something so incredibly beautiful about Michonne’s heartbeat bringing Rick back to life is that he’s feeling the heart that beats for him and has for years. She in every sense gave him her heart all those years ago, so it’s not just her heart he’s feeling it’s his own because they truly are one.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Richonne’s hands have always been given great moments throughout their epic love story, and this moment has to be up there as one of the best Richonne hands moments. 👏🏽

I love the way she’s able to get him to open his hand and relax as she keeps her hand comfortingly over his.

gif cred: @nat111love

It reminds me of their final handhold in s9 when Rick had his hand in a fist from frustration and Michonne was able to open his hand and have him hold onto her instead. That was their last real moment side by side in TWD and now here they are doing that again x10 in TOWL. Just beautiful. 🥹

And I love how you can hear how placing his hand on her heart is effective as Rick’s breathing does steady from feeling her heart. A heart that has beat for him all these years. 🥲 Never have the two felt more like one than in this moment. And I will forever adore and appreciate that this is how Danai wrote for Michonne to be able to calm Rick amid his trauma. He needs her heart. 😭 Always has.

They’re the ones who live and this is Rick becoming so aware of Michonne being alive and with him and it starts to ignite his own return to humanity.

The way Michonne looks at him with her eyes dilated and filled with love and tears as she so clearly resonates with the pain Rick is in that he has yet to express. 😭 You can tell she so badly wants him to trust that it’s okay to be present in everything he’s feeling with her and not go through this pain alone anymore.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

The way Michonne fully wraps Rick in her love during this panic attack is just the most moving thing as she silently assures him he’s in the safest most loving arms in the world. Like I knew those actors were wildly talented but what they both captured in this scene took it to an all new level.

And the way Rick has tears under his eyes. I can’t. 😭 The tear alone says so much. Like he's overcome with so many layered emotions, especially as it hits him that a moment this beautiful with Michonne is real - the most real moment of connection he's felt in years - and it's not going to be taken away from him this time.

So Rick looks up at Michonne for a moment and it genuinely feels like he’s looking up at the sun. And then he looks down at their hands on her heart. I love seeing Michonne softly slide her other hand down his face with her finger right where his tear has fallen.

gif cred: @clonecaptains

And then I am just blown away at Andy’s performance when you see something click for Rick as he truly just resurrects through Michonne’s love. 🥹

After looking at their hands and letting this moment of connection resonate, Rick looks back into Michonne’s eyes and I always liken it to when a PC computer turns on and makes that one sound. I feel like you can visibly see the moment Rick’s humanity turns back on in full force as he looks at her.

Rick really resurrected back to life by becoming one with Michonne, his undeniable other half. 🥹 Richonne is the unequivocal greatest depiction of soulmates. 💯

gif cred: @nat111love

So Rick, and Michonnne's Rick this time, looks in Michonne's eyes like he’s genuinely become human again after years and then he tilts his head and it feels like he’s finally seeing Michonne in her entirety now. Like he’s finally seeing her without the lens of fear or what could happen next.

After having been so focused on the fear of losing her, it feels like in this moment he's finally just being present in the fact that he found her.

gif cred: @nat111love

And in finding Michonne, his soulmate, Rick begins to find himself again too.

Michonne's effective approach of calming Rick with her touch and her heart helps Rick embrace that this isn’t a dream and she’s not going to burn away. Michonne may be burning up because of him but she’s not going to vanish.

By feeling her heartbeat it was like Rick finally let it sink in that she’s still here and she’s with him completely. She’s real. They’re real. They’re back together truly. It was a profound moment of the two becoming one being again.

And then the way they both have these dilated pupils and get this new wave of energy from that moment and their breathing starts syncing up and picking up as they return to kissing. Their beauty and the beauty of this moment are ravishing. I love that neither wanted to stop making love and once they have this moment they’re even more present in the lovemaking than before. 

gif cred: @riickgrimes

It really feels like there’s this transfer of energy between Rick and Michonne in this moment as she feels his visceral but suppressed pain and he feels her visceral deep love and we see love win out over the pain as Michonne helps Rick literally turn his humanity back on at full strength.

And then as Rick’s heart is literally jump-started again by feeling the love of his life’s heartbeat, he sends all that love right back to her because it’s so clear in this scene that everything happening to him is happening to her too. Like as he comes back to life it ignites her in a new way as well and just affirms so strongly to both of them that they’re back to being one the way they’re always meant to be.

So they continue kissing and Michonne has her hand tightly in his hair because of course. It's clear from Michonne’s noises that Rick has seemed to amp things up, we’ll say lol. Plus, Michonne hasn't been able to grab his curls like that in an even longer minute since Rick's hair was short the last time they were together, so you know she's happy to have that back as well. 😋

I love how Rick was finally realizing he’s not just someone who can harm her but who can heal her too and she’s not only someone to protect but to love limitlessly. We see Rick finally go from mission-minded to Michonne-minded and let the Alive Rick take the wheel from Dead Rick. 🙌🏽

gif cred: @lousolversons

In the last 24 hours especially, both Rick and Michonne have been through every emotion and at its most intense - intense fear, intense sadness, intense frustration, desperation, anger, longing, hopelessness, hurt, concern, etc, and now intense passion and pleasure. All of that could easily have caused a system overload or system shutdown for them. But I love how instead of just shutting down, they navigate this together and then get even more locked in with each other.

And then you really know the real Rick is back when he flips Michonne over and gets on top of her. It’s his favorite place to be, that's just canon. 😌 And you know Michonne loves seeing Rick take charge like this. Her man is always assertive with his affection and Michonne always seems here for it.

gif cred: @nat111love

It is such a sweet shot seeing Michonne looking up at Rick as she tenderly holds his neck. She loves him so much. It’s written all over her face. 🥹

gif cred: @nat111love

And then y’all, this show said you don’t have to wait until the Olympics to see some swimming on National Television. 🤭🏊‍♂️

Cuz they proceed to give us some um very up close and personal insight into Rick and that signature vein as the camera is all up in his face while he finally lets himself feel the full extent of pleasure for the first time in years.

For a while, whenever I saw this moment I was like can this camera back up a bit cuz now I feel like I'm intruding lol.

But the moment is very sweet in the regard that Rick is no longer fighting the fact that he can feel pleasure and be present in this moment with his wife. For so long he seemed to be punishing himself and killing himself and so it’s a big deal to see him finally stop that and enjoy this.

I think part of him thought he could engage in this intimacy with Michonne and only make it about pleasing her while remaining dead inside but again he can't be dead with her - and so in this moment he no longer tries to be, and that’s really heartwarming. 🥲

Seeing him smile knowing that this is the only woman in the world he wanted this experience with - it really is like a homecoming in a sense. Michonne’s hand on him the whole time is sweet too. And I just love that they waited for each other to open this side of themselves up to again. And to think, it wasn't even technically 'waiting' since they genuinely didn't know if they'd ever be together again. But they still only reserved this level of intimacy for each other. Rick and Michonne are it for each other, truly.

Then the scene ends with a really lovely sensual shot of Richonne through the sheer curtains as they kiss and just savor each other like they do best. ❤️

gif cred: @nat111love

And now I know I might be diving right into delusional territory with this next thing I say but I know some of you saw this too --- I am convinced that Michonne tells Rick 'I love you' in this zoomed-out shot. ‼️

For a while, I thought one of the only things we surprisingly didn’t get in TOWL was Michonne directly telling Rick 'I love you.' That was an interesting omission for an epic love story, especially cuz I def feel Michonne would say those three words outright at some point, after not being able to tell Rick those words for nearly eight years. Don’t get me wrong, she’s said I love you very clearly and meaningfully in many other ways, but still she’d say the direct words too. So it was odd when it seemed like that didn’t happen.

But now...y’all, my extra self is choosing to declare that it did happen. Because I promise she’s saying it to him in this bed. I'm telling you, she is. For real, she is! 😋 Look🔎 ⬇

gif cred: @nat111love

And again, if she isn’t…yes she is. 😇 Michonne-Says-ILY-In-This-Scene Truthers, rise. ✊🏽😋 And if by chance my eyes deceive me then let them lie just this once lol.

If it is the case that Michonne told Rick 'I love you' in this moment, it's extremely sweet. Especially because I had a feeling she’d say it once Rick was finally out of that CRM gear. Once she knew he was slowly but surely becoming him again. So while it's a non-audible, blink-and-you-miss-it moment I think we did get at least one Michonne 'ily' in TOWL. 😌

I love the way the scene ends with the piano and their silhouettes. Michonne is the sun to Rick so I love the way she aligns with the sun-like lamp and the way the last thing you see from the scene is her putting her hand in his curls again as they just continue to make love. And let me tell you, a scene like this is why it’s called 'making love' because truly this passionate moment was such a perfect manifestation of their deep, one-of-a-kind, soulmate love.

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

This is Richonne’s first full-length sex scene and it was done so masterfully, memorably, and meaningfully. It was the perfect way to pull off such a significant anticipated moment between them and make it tastefully titillating. It genuinely feels like they turned that chemistry they have up to its highest volume and something rare and otherworldly was captured. 👌🏽

The way it wasn’t just physical but truly pivotal for their relationship and the story. The way it was as hot as it was heartfelt. The way they both came alive and restored broken parts of each other through a shared heartbeat. The way they profoundly depicted Richonne becoming one again. The way it was more than a love scene it was a resurrection.

Rick felt human after years of feeling dead. Michonne felt truly held and loved after years of not feeling safe. Tens across the board and truly an impeccable and impactful scene from beginning to end. 😌👌🏽

[talkbycolor]

I deserve this

A/N; at this point its obvious that i inspire in rebzyyx songs

Pairing; "Your Boyfriend" x AFAB!Reader (cus people are scared of the word trans)

CW; reader becomes willing at the end i swear / unhealthy, obsessive and possesive love / sensitive topics such as mental health, depression, anxiety, fear of abandonment, dissociation, suicidal thoughts / a crazy concept: he talks about his emotions!! / non-con, violence, like, i cry while i masturbate

It's quite blurry trying to remember how it all started, it seemed harmless to accept a date from a stranger, he gave you a beautiful rose and was quite kind to you.

Feeling that people could like you, that someone could be romantically interested in you, because of who you are, your personality, that they knew your… desires?

Because you had dreams, of course.

…

Your dream was to live, to live a quiet life, a stable, pleasant job, with good pay, a normal and peaceful life, where the deep emptiness in your heart was non-existent, years had passed and the monotonous feeling did not disappear, you had already accepted the pain, after all, if you felt that constantly it was probably because you did something wrong at some point, right?

But that was a personal dream that would never be shared.

And it's not like that matters now, not when you're in… A room, that's funny, your last memory is of Peter slamming you against the table to tie your limbs since their last date didn't end as expected and It was time to go home.

Return to an empty home, for what? Peter was more than willing to take care of you, why was he so scary? Accepting it would have made things easier, but you ruined everything by trying to run away, you even fought tooth and nail, that was too pathetic now that you remember it, maybe you DO deserve all the shit that is happening.

You could have saved yourself so much terror and attacks.

"PETER ENOUGH! PLEASE! LET ME GO! NO! NO! FUCK, PLEASE!" You tore out your throat with terrified screams and tried to claw at his skin until your fingers were bloody, biting the hands that tried to stop your screams, hitting his face with your elbows and kicking him away, crawling like a dying animal away from him. "PETER!" You sobbed sharply before losing consciousness.

But nothing worked, resisting only made all that shit worse and now you were tied up, in Your boyfriend's old clothes.

You barely remember how you got to that place, or if time passed, anyway that doesn't matter anymore, from one day to the next you find a very small piece of clothing that turned out to be yours, time passed, your body grew but your mind didn't, they keep lying but you know that your life will depend on how well you do it.

And you're not doing it right, you tried to adopt toxic happiness but you couldn't even maintain it for a while before exploding, sadness was already an everyday thing and you just weren't feeling it anymore.

"Dear?"

Just peace please, how hard could that be? It was annoying, you even felt angry for feeling so empty, because people were so rude and the constant rejection killed you socially.

It was hard to breathe, wasn't it?

"Love? Do you hear me?"

It feels like the end, your soul is bleeding, you wish your stupid job made you feel a little more alive and motivated to continue.

And now you have done so many things to escape from that monster that pulls you back to the room to devour you under the bed.

"Darling!" Your boyfriend's voice echoed through the room, making you look at him once and for all, your eyes tired despite having been unconscious most of the time.

"…" You wanted to respond, really, but what were you supposed to say?

"You must be exhausted, you didn't even touch dinner" It was a tricky phrase, he had tried to feed you since you were tied up.

"Peter-…"

"I already told you that I prefer to be called other way, honey" He responded with a smile and a definitely not irritated tone.

"I want to sleep" He left your lips, he was being so caring, taking care of your health.

He kidnapped you.

And you couldn't even thank him for it.

He knocked you out.

You really were an ungrateful shit, weren't you?

He locked you up.

You wanted to return the signs of affection.

Soon the ropes left your body, Peter helped you stand up and you both walked to the bedroom, he was still carrying a small plate with a light dinner, he refused to let you go to bed without having eaten dinner.

Once in bed, he made sure that you had a proper dinner, and he helped you change your clothes so that you would be comfortable in bed, he also did the same with his attire and now you were both lying down. It always made your stomach churn when he looked at your half-naked body.

"Dear" He murmured next to you while you tried to sleep as soon as possible, so many things had happened those last few days that the only way out was to sleep, you had probably already been fired from your job for not showing up. "Honey, love, darling," he said sweetly as his hand went up to your cheek, he simply looked at you with a huge and probably painful smile on his face, almost tattooed, you made him so happy with your mere presence.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked, your mind still cloudy enough to refuse anything, so you just went up to kiss him, the room was very dark and there weren't even crickets echoing at night, the amount of silence was overwhelming… of course, that didn't count the lip-smacking they shared.

So it continued.

For a long time.

"Pet-…uhm, I mean, honey, I'm tired and I want to sleep" You interrupted the honey session.

"Please, you don't have to do anything, just let me love you, darling" his voice was soft, soothing to that darkness but not to the painful weight in your heart and the knot in your stomach, his touches felt strange.

You know that's wrong, you don't like it.

You didn't stop him, just like he said, you let him love you as you closed your eyes and a buzzing sound echoed in your head, like television static, your bottom clothes had disappeared, but that didn't matter.

You couldn't hear anything, you didn't see anything, your body reacted but your mind was very far from that place, you wandered through your memories, fantasies of a life you were never going to have.

It was really digging into your cunt, huh? Even when your mind wanted to flee somewhere else, it was undeniable how he held your thighs and you gasped heavily with each thrust.

His member was still dripping his seed, did he use protection? You don't know, you don't care.

It doesn't matter.

B e cau se s oon y o u w il l b e d ea d.

"Honey? Didn't you enjoy it?" Peter asked with a worried frown.

What the hell is wrong with you? Do you no longer have respect for yourself? You know it's going to hurt you.

Don't you mind dying? You lost hope and you don't even try to help yourself anymore, damned and pathetic attempt at being human, really unnecessary.

"Honey…" Peter caressed your cheeks and brought his forehead to yours, sighing softly and carrying your body to the bathroom in the room.

You didn't say anything either, you just felt how it was cleaning your body, the water was warm, the bathtub full of bubbles, and it smelled pretty good, like coconut soap. Peter hummed quietly as he treated your body with the utmost affection, you were sure he was whispering things in your ear but you were barely aware of your surroundings.

When your eyes finally focused on something you could see the ceiling of the room thanks to the moonlight, Peter was behind you, hugging your body, caressing your hair, and sniffing the soapy fragrance.

"You are so sweet, so unique, so kind, so special to me, a truly exceptional person, I will do everything to make you feel comfortable, darling, I love you so much, my adorable-…"

"Peter"

"… Yes love?" This time he didn't argue about that name, you were finally talking and that was good.

"I'm sorry I feel so alone, I know you're here but…" You wish you could give him an answer but that was something even you hadn't figured out yet.

"It's okay, honey, I'll be with you to hold you, forever."

♡

[farfaras]

Part 2.

What if Eddie moved on from thinking Steve and Nancy should get back together when Jonathan came back and saw how they’re actually destined to be together even tho they still have shit to figure out.

I know it’s a popular hc that Eddie and Robin clock each other immediately BUT I still think that as two queer kids in a small backwards town they’re more worried about no one finding out about them so they wouldn’t notice someone else. So worried about themselves that they (like straight people) also fall into the mindset of ‘everyone is straight until proven otherwise’.

What’s the result of this? Eddie seeing how close Robin and Steve are and thinking there must be something there. And because Steve is a little more affectionate than Robin, now Eddie thinks he’s pining after her.

“Why aren’t you and Robin together?”

“It’s not like that. She’s my best friend.”

“I don’t buy it.”

So now Steve has to put up with Eddie constantly going on about how Steve should just ask her out already, what’s he waiting for, she probably likes him back.

It bothers Steve to no end. He wished society had advanced enough to realize that men and women can be platonic friends without having to explain themselves.

A nightmare.

And Steve would never out Robin, so telling him the truth wasn’t an option. And he really wasn’t interested in dating anyone right now, so that was out of the question. What could he do to get Eddie to understand that him and Robin would never happen?

Then he remembered. It seemed so distant but Steve actually tried to tell Robin he liked her once. It was kinda embarrassing to think about now, specially because he saw Robin as nothing more than a friend now. He couldn’t even remember what having a crush on her ever felt like. And maybe he never even had one, shitty friends and shitty parents maybe warped his perception and then he couldn’t see the difference between platonic and romantic feelings. Well, that was for another day. He could tell the difference now. He thinks.

He could just tell Eddie about that moment in starcourt. He would just leave out the part about Robin having absolutely bad taste in girls. Foolproof. Eddie would leave it alone now.

“What? She just rejected you and then you decided to become her best friend?” He looked surprised, like the idea was impossible to understand.

“And I don’t regret it. She’s the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“You’re crazy.” Steve didn’t expect that.

“What do you mean?”

Eddie looked at him and his expression was hard to read. “You’re telling me that after being rejected you didn’t need time away? Just jumped to being a platonic friend? Despite your feelings?” He scoffed. “I could never do that.”

“It wasn’t that hard.”

“Now I know you’re lying. You still like her?”

Steve really tried to convince Eddie that he didn’t like Robin anymore. But no matter what he would say he didn’t believe him.

So Steve gave up.

Now he goes along with it. It’s easier. It stopped Eddie from trying to set them up or whatever.

Except it didn’t.

Now Eddie came up with the absolute great idea of making her jealous. Which was so so ridiculous Steve had to hold back laughter. He didn’t mention how much Robin had heard about past dates. This was beginning to amuse him just a little bit.

“How would I even do that?” Steve asked, curious as to what Eddie would come up with.

“You know? Let me think about this.” He made a show of putting his hand on his chin, contemplating. “Show up at work with some marks on you neck. You know, see how she reacts to that knowledge.” Steve knows how Robin reacts to that. Before Vecna, on his endless quest to find ‘the one’ (what a waste) he had some hookups. One time he went into work with one or two hickeys on his neck. Robin wouldn’t even bat her eyes, just would ask ‘who was it now?’ and then ask if he would see her again. The answer was no. Eddie didn’t know this.

“Yeah well, I really don’t feel like going on a date and hooking up with someone just to use it to bait a reaction. Seems kinda cruel to the other person.” Steve thinks that should be enough to shut this idea down.

“Huh. Maybe you’re better than me because I didn’t even think about that.”

Steve doesn’t reply, just snorts. And he thinks that’s gonna be the end of it. There’s nothing else Eddie can really do or come up with. Right?

Wrong.

“I could do it.” Did Steve hear that right? Huh?

“What?” Steve asked.

“Give you a hickey. It’s no big deal, really.”

If you asked Steve why he said yes. Man, he wouldn’t be able to tell you. He really doesn’t know! It’s like someone possessed him and he was moving his mouth, but it wasn’t him. Maybe it was because he couldn’t come up with a reason not to do it fast enough that would convince Eddie.

They were both sitting on the couch so Eddie just leaned in and started on a spot on the left side of his neck. Steve’s hand instinctively moved to the back of Eddie’s head. One wouldn’t think so based on its appearance but Eddie’s hair was surprisingly soft.

Suddenly there were teeth scraping his neck. Steve let out a noise that he hadn’t heard before. He accidentally pulled a little on Eddie’s hair, he was gonna apologize but Eddie didn’t seem to mind, he just hummed.

“Did you just bite me?”

Eddie pulled back and sneered. “Sorry. I let my impulsive thoughts win.” What does that even mean?

Steve was gonna ask if that did it but then Eddie moved to his lap, straddling him. “What are you doing?”

“Getting the other side?” Makes sense? Honestly his mind was getting a little mushy and was only focusing on Eddie’s weight on him. When Eddie leaned in again, Steve’s hands traveled to rest on his hips. Eddie’s on his shoulders to have leverage, his hips hovering now.

Steve tipped his head back to give him a little more space. With more space Eddie seemed to be satisfied with that spot and moved lower, however this next one was sensitive to Steve, he’s always known that. He was gonna say so but he couldn’t, Eddie was already on it. He let out a breathy sound and gripped Eddie’s hips tighter making him slam back on his lap. He thinks Eddie moaned, he’s not sure tho. “Sorry.” He muttered.

He didn’t think he’d enjoy this.

He did.

Maybe he should put a stop to it.

He hasn’t so far.

It went on a little longer. Some hands wandering. Some sounds uttered. Minds getting floaty.

He knew it was coming to an end when Eddie started leaving kisses to soothe the spots, he trailed until he got to his ear. Which he actually licked. It was probably to make a joke but it only made Steve shiver.

“I think you’re done.” Eddie said. He hesitated a second before climbing off his lap.

Steve knew he looked winded. Eddie tried to look casual but he’s known him for a while and could see that it was feigned casualness.

“Uh. Good.” Lame. Steve is lame.

Mike Wheeler was right because Steve Harrington is lame.

How is he gonna explain this to Robin?

[pitchsidestories]

Welcome to New York II Ali Krieger x Reader

"Everybody here was someone else before And you can want who you want Boys and boys and girls and girls." Welcome To New York, Taylor Swift

masterlist I word count: 2901

The first thing you thought as you spotted Ali Krieger standing on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum was that this could have been a scene from a romantic comedy. A warm smile played on the defender’s lips while she had two cups of coffees in her hands:” Hi.” “Hi. Is this one for me or do you just need a lot of caffeine today”, you asked her teasingly.

Amused she shook her head: “No, the second one is for you. Ocean and Sloane let me sleep long enough today.” “Oh, lucky for me. Thank you so much.”, you answered grateful for her thoughtfulness. Still smiling Ali handed you your coffee: “You’re welcome.” Nervously you put a string of your hair behind your ear: “I hope you didn’t wait too long for me.” As much as you loved this city, the public transport was against you coming punctually to your coffee date with the equally busy soccer player today. Kindly she waved at you:” No, I didn’t. Do you want to keep standing here or walk around?” “Let’s walk around a bit.”, you decided.

Side by side you started walking, clearing her throat Ali admitted with a shy grin: “Alright. To be honest, I’m so glad Jason Sudeikis introduced us to each other at my last league game party.” “Oh, me too. Trust me. It was nice to get a look inside a soccer team.”, you agreed with her. Curiously the older woman looked at you:” As inspiration for your upcoming leading role in the female ted lasso spin off?” “You can never have enough inspiration. And to be honest, I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so I want to portray my role as realistically as possible.”, you declared slightly blushing.

Playfully the defender pouted: “Oh, and I hoped you were really interested in me as a person and not only in the soccer player part of my personality.” “Not at all. I think the soccer player part is impressive but it’s not the most interesting part about you.”, you told her.   “Oh really?” The blush on your cheeks intensified: “Maybe your good looks were also a part of it.” “And the glasses of wine we shared.", she winked at you. This comment made you chuckle:” I can only say that they definitely kept the conversation going.”

“Not only that.”, Ali added grinning hinting at what happened as the night turned over into the early morning, the time in which the never sleeping city was buzzing with life and excitement and the sexual attraction between you could not been denied any longer. “Ali!”

“What? It’s true.”, the football player shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. You scoffed: “You’re terrible.” “Yes, but you don’t mind it.”, she observed. Laughing you confessed: “Actually, I kinda like it.” “I can tell.”, Ali nodded satisfied. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be.”, the defender whispered.  Elegantly you changed the topic: “It’s really beautiful today. The weather is perfect.”

Ali let her gaze wander over the autumnal scenery of the Central Park. The yellowing leaves were contrasting against the blue sky. “Agreed. New York in fall is stunning.“, she smiled. “It is.“, you agreed, taking in the crisp air. “Have you always lived in New York?“, Ali asked, genuine curiosity on her face. You shook your had and admitted; “Actually, no.“ The football players eyebrows knotted together; “No?“ With a sigh, your gaze dropped down to the fallen leaves on the ground; “Although I wished…“ “Tell me about it…“, Ali implored.

“Actually, I grew up in a conservative midwestern town.“, you started to explain. The defender grimaced, understanding the implication; “Oh. I’m sorry.“ “So coming to New York as a young adult did feel liberating in every way.“, you continued with a sad smile. Ali sipped on her coffee; “You know, a lot of my team mates who are queer had similar experiences.“ “Similar to some of my acting friends.“, you added. Ali shrugged with a sigh; “I’m always glad to hear when queer people from difficult places found a safe space.“

Nervously turning the cup in your hand, you asked; “You came out quite late to the public too, right?“ “Yes, that’s true. I thought it’s no one’s business but mine.“, she replied, nodding in thought. “What made you change your mind about it?“ “I realized that I can be of better use as a role model.“, she answered nonchalantly. You bit your lip, moved by revelation; “That’s very brave of you.“ Ali gave you a wry smile; “Thank you. But that wasn’t an easy decision for me either.“ “No, I understand that. Being queer wasn’t something that people in the movie industry liked to see a few years ago… sometimes even now.“, you told her. “I’m sorry.“ You shook your head; “It’s fine, really.“ “I guess we all have our struggles.“, the defender thought out lout. “Yes, we do.“

You were grateful when Ali finally offered; “Do you want to change the topic?“ Smiling, you gave her a soft nod to leave that topic behind; “Yes, please. I don’t want to ruin the mood during our little coffee date.“ “You couldn’t. I really enjoy talking to you.“, Ali said, carefully taking your hand into hers. “Same.“ „You do?“ “Yes, even though I told you about my sad little childhood.“, you laughed, your cheeks turning slightly pink as you wondered if you had overshared. But the smile on Alis face made that thought immediately disappear; “I appreciate it. Really. I’m glad you shared it.“

“That means a lot. So, what about you? Are you excited for the play offs?”, you asked her. The eyes of the defender lit up:” Yes, absolutely. I’m happy about every game I get to play.” “This must feel very special.”, you said, her excitement was infecting you too. “It is. If you’d like to get some more inspiration you could come.”, she offered you without hesitation.

Delighted you replied:” To your game? I’d love that.” “I’ll make sure you get some tickets.”, Ali continued happily. “Thank you.” The football player could not stop smiling: “You’re welcome.” For a second you looked worried:” You don’t think Ashlyn would mind, right?” “She won’t. Trust me.”, she reassured you quickly. Relieved you sighed:” Okay. Good.” Don’t worry about it. This is over.”, Ali confirmed. With a remark you tried to lighten up the mood again:” Yes, you made that very clear when you kissed me at the doorstep after your party.” “You asked about her.” “Sorry, I’m an idiot.”, you hid your face in her hands.  Softly the football player disagreed with you: “No, you’re not.” “So that means I can kiss you? This time without alcohol breath?”, hopeful you looked up to her.  

Amused Ali glanced at you:“You can always kiss me. Doesn’t matter if it’s on parties or in the Central Park.” “Although, I’d argue that this here is way more romantic.”, you chuckled.  Expectantly she threw a look at you:” You can argue all you want but I’d rather you just kiss me.” “As you wish.”, you said before your lips met her who were waiting for that to happen since they departed from another.

After the training ended for the Gotham players Kristie let out an excited shriek: ”Oh my god, Ali ! I’m so jealous!” Confused the captain looked at her before the blonde showed her an article on her phone which contained photos of Ali and her new girlfriend kissing romantically in the Central Park. Laughing Kelley intervened:” Jealous about the fact that they had a romantic moment in the autumnal Central Park or that she made it into the news with that?” “Actually.. both.”, Kristie admitted. 

Surprised the dark-haired defender mumbled:” Oh no, they wrote about us.” “What’s wrong? It’s a cute photo.”, Kelley furrowed her eyebrows. Enthusiastically Kristie reminded the older player: “Exactly and you’re allowed to have fun, Ali. You’re in your lemonade era, remember?” “Still, I wasn’t ready to go public with that yet. And I don’t know if she was either.”, Ali bit her lip.  Empathetic Kelley put an arm around her shoulder:” I get that too.” “I need to call her.”, the captain announced.

You were on set, spending your lunch break with the other actors, when you noticed your phone ringing. Seeing Alis name appear on the display made your heart jump unexpectedly. Happily you took the call; “Ali, Hi.“ “Hi.“, she replied. The tone of her voice made you frown; “What’s wrong? You sound a bit upset.“ The football player sighed as if to brace herself; “Have you seen the article yet?“

You grabbed your coat and your bag and hurried away from the other actors, ignoring Jason Sudeikis’ sceptical glance; “Uhm no. What article? We were busy filming the new tv episodes.“ “They photographed as kissing.“, she came straight to the point. You froze in place; “Wait. What?“ “I’m sorry.“ Your thoughts began racing, bringing you back to how exhilarated you felt during your date. Even though Ali couldn’t see you, you still shook your head; “No, I’m sorry. If I hadn’t kissed you there… this article would not exist.“ “I don’t regret the kiss… really.“, the defender replied with determination in her voice. “But you wish to have been private a little longer, right? Which is understandable considering your divorce is still fresh…“, you were thinking out loud.

Ali confirmed your thoughts; “Actually, yes. How do you feel about it?“ You let a few seconds pass before admitting; “It feels very early.“ “I know.“ “But you should know that I’m serious with you.“, you added truthfully. Ali let out a small breath, relieved; “Me too. I want this.“ Your smile was back in place; “Jason gifted me an Ali Krieger Fan club - shirt. Should I wear it to one of your games or would this be too much?“ “Please do it. If they won’t let us have our privacy, we can at least have some fun with them.“ You could basically hear Ali grinning through the phone. “Exactly what I thought too.“ Ali laughed; “I like that. You get me.“

“So, I’ll see you at the stadium? Will Sloane and Ocean be there too?“, you asked. You had the chance to meet Alis kids briefly for a few times and they had already won your heart, so you got even more excited when you heard Ali say; “Yes.“ “Great. Because I already miss them while being away on the set.“ “I’m sure they’re happy to see you again too.“, Ali said, her voice soft. “And I miss you too of course.“, you added quickly. “I do hope that!“, the defender teased. “So much.“, you admitted and with a quick glance on your watch, you ended the call; “Okay, break is over. I’ll call you back tonight.“ “Talk to you later.“

The team of Gotham FC was buzzing with excitement as they stepped on the field in Portland. If the players won, this game they would make it to the final. Grinning Lynn Williams touched the shoulder of her captain: “I spotted your girl, Ali!” “Really?”, Ali wanted to know from the forward, trying to discover your face in the crowd at Providence Park.  Equally thrilled Kristie pointed to the direction where you were standing: “Over there.” “Oh. She’s wearing the shirt.”, the defender observed with a hint of proudness in her voice.

Amused Kelley remarked: “Not subtle at all.” “It’s not supposed to be.”, Ali told her. A bright smile was on Kristie’s lips:“I love it, I’m obsessed.”  “Of course, you like that, Kristie.”, Kelley threw in unsurprised. Clearing her throat Lynn drew all the attention on her:” Yeah, so that’s all cute and sweet but we’ve a game to win girls.” “Yes. We got to focus on that.”, Ali agreed with the forward. Gotham’s number 5 nodded along:” Yes, we’re making sure that Ali has another game to play before her retirement.” 

“What retirement? With those many games, I guess you can’t really call it retirement yet.”, their captain corrected her smiling. Winking Kelley reminded the dark - haired player: “Yes, but it’s one game before the final.” “And I’d love to get to the final, girls.”, with a cheeky grin Ali glanced at each of their teammates to give them that extra motivation tonight.

The game was really close, and they had to went into overtime but thanks to Katie Stengels goal in the 107’ minute against the Portland Thorns, they won this important match and would make it to the Final. After the referee blew the final whistle, Kelley cheered loudly:” She’s not done yet!” “I’m not leaving without a trophy!”, Ali shouted happily. Ecstatic Kristie who played her first minutes after her injury in today’s game screamed: “We won, bitches!” “Who are you calling a bitch?”, Ali threw an eyebrow up at the blonde before the two and Kelley started to dance out their feelings. The words to describe their emotions would be found later, now was the time to just be in the moment and celebrate.

Meanwhile Sloane made her way through the soccer players:” Mummy!” “No more b-words here, Mewis!, Ali warned her fellow teammate before pulling her daughter into a hug, Hi, baby.”

“Okay, but your new girlfriend has a nice ass.“, Kristie commented with a smirk, disregarding Alis warning, while Sloane jumped into her mums arms; “You won!“ “Mewis!“, Ali yelled before turning back to her daughter and agreed with a much softer voice; “Yes, we won. That means mum has to play one more game.“ “That’s okay. Love to see you play. Ocean was such a baby though. He fell asleep in her arms.“, Sloane rolled her big brown eyes and pointed in your direction where her little brother was sleeping in your arms. With a laugh, Ali explained to her daughter: “He is still small.“ “Yes. I’ll forgive him that.“, Sloane nodded. Alis eyes met yours and you both had to suppress a laugh.

Slowly you bridged the few steps between you two; “Hi. Sorry, someone is very sleepy. As is the big one who pretends she’s wide awake.“ You nodded first into Oceans, then into Sloanes direction. Ali put Sloane down who pressed into her leg with a yawn. “Let me take him.“, Ali offered, holding out her hands to take her sleeping son from you. She gratefully smiled at you; “Thank you so much for taking care of them. I appreciate it.“ “You’re welcome.“, you replied, leaning over to kiss your girlfriend passionately but careful to not wake up Ocean.

“Excuse me! Those kisses are not child friendly either!“, Kristies voice interrupted the two of you. Alis face was still close to yours as she rolled her eyes; “It’s a kiss. You do worse things with your girlfriend!“ “Ali is right about that!“, Lynn chimed in. Ali shook her head and you noticed the adoration for her teammates in her eyes, even though she wanted to seem annoyed; “Sorry about them.“ “It’s okay, trust me. My acting friends are even more dramatic.“, you laughed. „Yeah, I can imagine.“, the defender grinned, leaning in for another kiss.

Next to you, Lynns face brightened while she pointed to her teammate; “I bet Kristie would have been great in drama school too!“ “Yeah, but she can’t remember shit.“, Ali interjected. Kristies mouth fell open in outrage; “You guys are so mean.“ “Only because we love you.“, Kelley now joined your group, winking at Kristie. Ignoring the others, Kristie turned to you, her phone in hand; “Can we take a selfie together? My girlfriend Sam is such a fan of you and can’t wait for your upcoming tv show.“ “Sure, but I’m for Ali tonight…“, you answered politely. You posed for the photo together, grinning into Kristies phone camera while she smirked; “Yeah, we noticed that.“

“The shirt spoke for itself, huh?”, you laughed with her. An amused smile was on the blonde’s lip:” I can assure you it did.” “Good.”, you nodded satisfied. Slightly displeased Ali asked her teammate:” Are you done now, Kristie?” “Yes, sounds like someone is missing her girlfriend.”, the younger player winked at you.

The older woman rolled her eyes before turning her attention to you:” Ignore her.” “With a pleasure.”, you told her as you kissed her again. Expectantly Ali looked into your eyes when you two ended the kiss:” I hope you know that you have to come to the final now too.” “That’s alright with me.”, you replied happily. The defender whispered into your ear:“You seem to bring me luck.” “Meaning I need to wear the same shirt too?”, you asked her, throwing an eyebrow up.

Innocently Ali played with a loose hair string of yours:” Actually, this time I’d like to see you in my jersey.” “Your Jersey? Okay.”, you agreed. Softly your girlfriend blushed:“It’s a bit more.. official.” “I see.” “If you want to of course.”, Ali’s face went serious. Quickly you replied: “I do.”  “I’ll bring you one.”, the older woman decided. Proudly you glanced at her:” Thanks, it’ll be an honour to wear it.” “It’s an honour for us that you support us.”, Ali corrected you. Looking at her children you said: “The children look tired.” “Let’s take them to bed now.”

“Good night you three.”, you wished them warmly while you all four were slowly falling asleep in the hotelroom. With a bright grin on her face Ali answered:”Good night.”

[luvxoxo]

Q. what is love? what does love mean to you?

synopsis: asking jjk men personal questions that they have to answer honestly

part 1 of my : jujutsu kaisen interview series

includes : Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Toji, Megumi, Yuji

Gojo: he makes himself comfortable on the chair behind him, humming as he feels the softness of the seat. he inhales deeply before answering, "love is.. it is a feeling unlike any other. It is an overwhelming desire for the individual you hold close to you. It is a need that you feel to be with someone, to make them realize how precious they are, even if the world fails to see them" he pauses for a second to collect his thoughts "love is the feeling that drives us to our very core, and it cannot be denied. It’s a feeling that words can’t quite convey. There’s a lot to love, it’s hard to put into words. Love is…it is necessary to me"

you smile, hearing such an honest answer. "that was marvellous" you cannot help but let the compliment escape. Gojo grins and shrugs his shoulders "i try my best"

"Then allow me to ask you the following question, what does love mean to you?”

he hums, thinking of an honest answer "hmm if i had to put it briefly, it would be this: love is like a flame burning deep within my heart. It’s something that will never extinguish, and will always be present, no matter what happens. It will never burn out, you know? Love is like my very soul. It is me and i am it. If i lose it, then i have nothing left. I could not go on, if i were to lose that flame of mine"

Geto: he takes the time to swiftly wrap his luscious hair in a bun. "i have mixed thoughts and feelings about this question, is that alright?”

You nod smiling, encouraging him to answer

he grins, there’s a hint of sadness to it "love is strange and mysterious. It is not easy to define, and everyone can have different definitions of love. For some, love is a feeling of deep affection. For others, it can be a feeling of great joy and happiness. But love can also be quite painful. It can cause one to feel hurt. Sometimes it can cause one to feel lonely, and incomplete"

"seems as if, your answers are quite logical suguru" you say, observing him

Geto hums and nods his head, agreeing with you "that’s my view on it at least"

"well then allow me to ask you the next question, what does love mean to you personally?”

Geto leans back crossing his arms, thinking. "Love? You know that’s a complex question. Love to me is a bond. It is loyalty and admiration tied into a neat little bow. It’s much more than something like "attraction" or "lust"

he lets out a little laugh, looking away "but ultimately, love, in one word: loyalty"

Nanami: he rolls up the sleeves of his shirt and leans back on the sofa comfortably, deep in thought. "the emotion of love is intricate and difficult to capture in simple language. Love has many different categories. Love can be romantic, familial, platonic, or even a love of something, like a hobby, sport, or a profession. Love is often seen as a positive motivating force and is a common theme in literature and art. This is only my humble understanding of the concept of love, though"

"that’s an interesting explanation actually. Perhaps the next question will allow you to answer more freely" nanami nods his head "What does love mean to you Nanami?”

Nanami's tone becomes quite serious and sincere. "Love is something I've always felt, but for the longest time it was something I could not truly understand. I love my friends, family, and the things and activities I enjoy the most, but there's a part of me that feels I'm missing something. I haven’t felt romantic love yet, and while it hasn't discouraged me, it has always made me wonder about the true meaning of love. It is something I hold close to my heart, and it is something I wish to find someday"

he pauses for a moment, contemplating his next words "There's a lot I could say about love. I don't think I've ever experienced it on a deep and personal level, only loving people from afar. I've tried to understand the concept of love, but I feel as though I will never truly comprehend it, even if I felt strong romantic feelings for someone. I just know it’s something that I'm striving for, something that I'm constantly working towards. It's not easy, but it is something I deeply want"

Toji: he gently grazes his fingers on his scar and then, he smirks. in a cocky manner, he manspreads on the sofa. "I don’t do feelings. Love is a weakness people like you shouldn’t indulge in when there’s a whole world out there that requires your attention. Love is dangerous, kid. It can bring you to your knees"

you feel annoyance creeping up at him calling you a kid. you force a smile on your face. he grins, seeming to notice your change in attitude.

"Would you mind elaborating a bit on that answer Mr Fushiguro?”

"Well, it’s like a drug really. It affects everyone differently. For some, love makes them weak and unable to act. Others become filled with a strong hatred towards the person they love. Some even fall ill and die from loving too much. Love is a fickle thing… a dangerous thing, and it ain’t for me. I guess you could call love my number 1 enemy. It’s a weakness that clouds a person’s judgement"

you nod your head, understanding his different point of view.

"I see. I’d still like to know though, what does love mean to you then? Is your answer still the same?”

his eyes avert to the ground, seemingly lost in thought till he speaks up again "Well if I were to describe it" he pauses before responding "I don’t know. But when I see other people who love each other, I feel I have understood what that feeling is. Maybe love isn’t just being obsessed with someone or wanting to be with them. It’s a lot of feelings put together. It’s a feeling you can’t describe. But sometimes you have to use your head and do the logical thing, not chase love or any of that nonsense. Sometimes the heart wants what it wants"

Megumi: he is instantly surprised by the question. It’s clear he was expecting everything except for this. "Oh well," he thinks for a moment "For me, love is the feeling of affection for someone or something you care about. In my opinion, love is when you want to be with someone and have their backs, no matter what or despite everything. You're also willing to do anything for the person you love. It doesn't mean, however, that you're gonna be possessive and obsessive. Love is more than just simple feelings. It's a connection, a commitment between two people." he says with a small smile on his face. it’s unusual for him to soften up like this.

you stare at him, astonished as to how he explained the concept of love in such a simle way "wonderfully said. then Megumi, what does love mean to you?”

he looks down at his hands, trying to gather his thoughts "I think my definition might be a little bit different from the one I already gave you. I think I'd define love as ‘a preciousness’. A preciousness that you want to treasure and protect. Something that you don't want to let go and will do anything to keep"

Yuji: he is perhaps, the most energetic out of the rest. he seems ready and eager to answer your questions. “love is something I still don’t quite understand yet. I guess to me, love is something that goes both ways. Both giving and receiving. I’ve learned that’s important. So, to love someone is to care about them, and to want to see them happy the way they want to see you happy.” he finishes with a bright smile

your heart warms at how pure his words feel. you cant help but smile along with him "im curious for your next answer. What does love mean to you Yuji?”

Yuji takes a deep breath. He looks up at you nervously "my answer is going to be really short, is that okay?" you smile and nod, signalling that that’s more than okay

"love, to me, is something more than a feeling. It’s an action. You can’t just say that you love someone. you have to show it with your actions as well. if someone loves someone, but they don’t do anything to show it, the other person won’t know. They won’t know how much you love and care for them.”

ⓒ all rights reserved. don't plagiarize my work or translate it!

Reblogs are appreciated 🫶🏽

[deerspherestudios]

Hi! I played your game and really, really like it, I am a huge fan of slow burn - combined with Yandere too? That's kinda rare nowadays, haha. Thanks for making it and creating Mychael, I love his design. Two questions: How many days are planned to be playable in the full release?

And

Since in just one day Mychael feels very friendly towards us (according to a post you made with where his feelings are based on a meter) does that mean he's very clingy??? Like, in just one day he feels like our friend. What little effort and words will it take for him to go from crush, to love, to whatever yandere thing he might be??? Like, is he okay??? Should I be worried???

This guy? Clingy? Nahhh. Nothing to worry about, anon :-) 🍄❤️

As for the game, long (!!!) answer below cut: might be spoiler-y might be not.

For context, here's the post mentioned above.

I'm still not sure how many days it will be, but it's definitely ranging between 4-5 days. Granted it'll be a while before the game is finished finished but I think progress will pick up as I complete assets that will be reused. I'm writing Days 2, 3 and 4 simultaneously (anyone who writes can probably relate to wanting a specific thing to happen in the story but dread writing up to it, so I skip around in order to keep my motivation and interest up)

As for relationship progression, slow burn usually means a long time passes before anything develops. But this is a VN and I'm a solo part-time dev so the scope still has to be small 😔 That said!

Mychael, as a person, is quite solitary in nature; he likes being alone and you'll find out why. He does however desire company and he's only realized just how pleasant having someone around can be (hence his reaction for the Bad Endings in Day 1 if you wish to leave/run away)

Although I'm not a fan of the 'you do one (1) nice thing any decent person would do and yandere is already head-over-heels for you' trope, I do have to make use of it but, drip-feed style? You grow closer to Mychael as you hang out with him and do little things that he appreciates. (Honestly I just realized I'm describing the typical visual novel experience just without the yandere beginning-- go! figure!!! /lh)

Example: the first thing that boosts you to immediate friend status is your willingness to accept his physical looks, something that's never happened to him before. (I know my artstyle makes him a yassified pretty boy but imagine genuinely meeting a sentient creature in real life with patchy green skin, a dextrous tail and four blinking pitch black eyes, I think I'd freak too haha) Little things like that mean a lot to him and motivates him to prolong your stay.

In a way, the MC is written to be more kinder and open-minded (at least outside of Bad Ends) than the sweet/sour personalities that come in a VN, so (for narrative AND coding purposes) I can't really diversify it much. I hope that's okay ¯\_(; v ; )_/¯ If Mychael met a more grouchy/mean MC on Day 1 he'd probably not be as attached. He'd just save you, feed you and send you home when you ask hahaha. Of course this will change as he gets to know you better, at that stage he'll be willing to overlook your flaws like any upstanding yandere

Phew this was a lot to dump in an ask but I did wanna explain my vision for the game! I enjoy yandere VNs as an escape fantasy, but it's common they start out with the yan already being invested in you or fall for you too fast!!! if that makes sense. I'm interested in yanderes in the aspect of how love (romantic or otherwise) starts from innocent affection and spirals into dark obsession!!! It's also compelling as to why a character is so devoted to someone, in this situation the MC, and I wanna write the kind of person Mychael would fall for. And personally 'love-at-first-sight' as a reason just doesn't do it for me 💔

(Disclaimer!!! I'm not saying my game is any more original or better than the other wonderful yan VNs in the works, but hopefully with Mychael as a character I can deliver that 'slow-burn-and-yearn' storyline I'd like it to be. As my itchio profile says: I make games I thirst for in secret but are sadly lacking around the internet 💔 )

Thank you for the ask!! :-D

[lou-0111]

What if I hurt you

Clarisse La Rue x Reader

Clarisse loves y/n, more thant anything, which is why one day when she almost gets hurt, clarisse knows that she might not be best for y/n

✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿✿❀✿❀

Y/n had never been one to attract much attention. She was the kind of person who liked to blend into the background, not causing too much fuss. That’s part of why she loved Clarisse La Rue so much; the daughter of Ares was the complete opposite. Bold, brash, and fiercely protective, Clarisse made Y/n feel like she could conquer anything, even if Y/n preferred to do so quietly. Their relationship had blossomed over the past year, surprising both of them with how deeply they had come to care for each other.

But lately, things hadn’t been so perfect. Y/n was being harassed by a guy named Trey, a son of Hermes who had been relentless in his pursuit of her. It had started off innocently enough, just a few flirtatious comments here and there. Y/n had brushed them off, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. She figured Trey would lose interest eventually, especially if she didn’t encourage him.

But she was wrong.

It began with small things, like Trey showing up wherever Y/n happened to be. At first, it was just a coincidence—he’d be at the training grounds when she was practicing archery, or at the dining pavilion when she was grabbing a quick bite. But soon it became clear that Trey was intentionally seeking her out. He’d “accidentally” bump into her and make some remark about how fate was bringing them together. Y/n would laugh it off, trying to stay polite, but inside she was growing more uncomfortable by the day.

One day, Y/n was in the library, enjoying the quiet solitude that allowed her to immerse herself in a book. But just as she was getting lost in the pages, Trey appeared at her table, sliding into the chair across from her with a wide grin.

“Hey, Y/n,” he said, leaning in a little too close. “What are you reading? Something romantic, I bet.”

Y/n suppressed a sigh, keeping her voice even. “Just a history book. You know, nothing special.”

“Oh, I bet you’d like something more exciting,” Trey replied, winking at her. “Maybe I could take you out sometime? Show you a real good time.”

Y/n’s stomach twisted with discomfort, but she forced a polite smile. “Thanks, Trey, but I’m not interested. I’m with Clarisse, remember?”

Trey’s smile didn’t waver. “Yeah, I know. But come on, you can do better than her. I mean, you’re so sweet and gentle, and she’s… well, you know. Rough around the edges.”

Y/n’s polite façade cracked a little, her voice sharpening. “Clarisse is amazing, and I’m very happy with her. Please stop.”

But Trey didn’t stop. He showed up at her cabin, offering to “walk her to dinner.” He’d corner her after training, complimenting her on how she was “way too cute” for someone like Clarisse. Y/n tried everything—ignoring him, being direct, even getting other campers to tell him to back off. Nothing worked. And through it all, Y/n didn’t tell Clarisse.

Why didn’t she? Part of it was pride—Y/n didn’t want to seem weak, like she couldn’t handle things on her own. But a bigger part of it was fear. She knew how Clarisse could be, especially when someone threatened someone she loved. Clarisse’s temper was legendary, and Y/n didn’t want to see her girlfriend get into trouble because of some jerk who didn’t know how to take a hint.

But it all came to a head one afternoon when Y/n and Clarisse were hanging out by the lake. It was a rare moment of peace for them—Clarisse was always so busy with her duties as a senior camper, and Y/n cherished the times when they could just be together. They sat on a blanket, Clarisse’s arm slung casually around Y/n’s shoulders as they watched the sun glitter on the water.

“This is nice,” Y/n murmured, leaning into Clarisse’s side. “I wish we could do this more often.”

“Me too,” Clarisse agreed, her voice softer than usual. “It’s just—”

Before Clarisse could finish her sentence, one of the Ares campers came jogging over, looking a little frantic. “Clarisse! Wylan won’t give me my sword back, tell him he has to. It’s my lucky one!”

Clarisse groaned, clearly irritated at being interrupted, but she was duty-bound. She kissed Y/n’s temple. “I’ll be right back, babe. Don’t move a muscle, okay?”

Y/n smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’ll be here.”

As Clarisse jogged off, Y/n sighed and pulled out her book, trying to enjoy the peace and quiet. But of course, it didn’t last long.

“Hey, Y/n!” Trey’s voice cut through the serene atmosphere like a knife. Y/n looked up, her heart sinking as she saw him striding towards her, that same smirk plastered on his face.

“Trey,” she said, her voice resigned. “Please, not now.”

“Aw, come on,” Trey replied, plopping down on the blanket beside her without an invitation. “You always say that. Why not now? It’s a beautiful day, and I’m here with a beautiful girl.”

Y/n scooted away from him, feeling her patience wearing dangerously thin. “Trey, I’m serious. You need to stop this. I’m with Clarisse, and I’m not interested in you.”

Trey leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a low, sleazy whisper. “But why not, Y/n? I could treat you so much better than she does. She’s all about fighting and yelling, but me? I’d be gentle. I’d take care of you.” His hand travels upwards, starting to play with her hair.

Y/n’s heart raced with a mix of fear and anger. Pushing his hands off and scotting back further, she opened her mouth to tell him off, to really let him have it this time, but before she could get a word out, a voice boomed from behind them.

“WHAT IN THE HADES IS GOING ON HERE?”

Y/n whipped her head around to see Clarisse standing a few feet away, her eyes blazing with fury. She had returned much faster than Y/n expected, and the look on her face sent a chill down Y/n’s spine.

“Clarisse,” Y/n started, but she didn’t get far.

Clarisse marched over, her fists clenched. “Trey, what the hell are you doing?”

Trey had the nerve to grin, though there was a flicker of fear in his eyes. “Just talking to Y/n, that’s all.”

Clarisse’s expression darkened, and she stepped closer, looming over Trey. “Talking to her? It sure as hell looked like you were harassing her.”

“Harassing? Come on, Clarisse, don’t be so dramatic,” Trey said, trying to play it off. “I was just—”

“Shut up,” Clarisse snarled. “You think I didn’t hear what you just said? You think Y/n would be better off with you?” She grabbed Trey by the front of his shirt, yanking him to his feet. “She’s with me. And if you ever try to get between us again, I’ll make sure you regret it.”

Trey’s bravado finally cracked. “Whoa, hey, Clarisse, chill. I didn’t mean any harm—”

“Didn’t mean any harm?” Clarisse interrupted, her voice dangerously low. “You’ve been following her around, making her uncomfortable, and you think I’m just going to let that slide?”

“Clarisse,” Y/n said softly, reaching out to touch her arm. “It’s okay, I can handle it.”

But Clarisse was beyond reasoning. She shoved Trey back, causing him to stumble. “You don't lay a finger on her. Not now, not ever.”

Trey, clearly not as smart as he thought he was, decided to push back. “Maybe Y/n doesn’t want to be with someone like you. Maybe she needs someone who’s not so… rough.”

That did it. Clarisse’s fist connected with Trey’s jaw before Y/n could even blink. Trey yelped in pain, staggering backward, but Clarisse didn’t stop. She grabbed him by the collar, ready to hit him again.

“Clarisse, stop!” Y/n cried, trying to pull her back. “Please, stop!”

But Clarisse was lost in her rage. Her fist swung again, this time landing squarely on Trey’s gut, knocking the wind out of him. Trey crumpled to the ground, gasping for air, but Clarisse wasn’t done. She raised her fist again, but before she could strike, Y/n stepped in, grabbing her arm.

“Clarisse, stop! You’re going to kill him!”

Clarisse froze, her fist still poised in the air. Moving to hit again, she turned to look at Y/n, her eyes wild with anger. But when she saw the fear in Y/n’s eyes, something inside her snapped back to reality. She lowered her fist, breathing heavily, and Trey took the opportunity to scramble to his feet, clutching his stomach.

“You’re crazy!” Trey spat, backing away. “This isn’t over, La Rue.”

“Get out of here before I finish what I started,” Clarisse growled, but her voice lacked the same venom as before.

Trey didn’t need to be told twice. He turned and ran, disappearing into the trees. For a moment, there was only the sound of Clarisse’s heavy breathing and Y/n’s pounding heart.

Then, Clarisse turned to Y/n, her face paling as she realized what had just happened. “Y/n, I—”

But before she could finish, Y/n wrapped her arms around her, burying her face in Clarisse’s chest. “I was so scared,” Y/n whispered, her voice trembling.

Clarisse’s arms went around her automatically, but there was a stiffness to her embrace, a hesitation that Y/n hadn’t felt before. “I’m sorry,” Clarisse said, her voice thick with guilt. “I should’ve— I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Y/n shook her head, clinging to Clarisse. “I don’t care about that. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.”

Clarisse pulled back slightly, looking down at Y/n with pained eyes. “But I did hurt you, didn’t I? Not physically, but… Y/n, I’m so sorry.”

Y/n looked up at her, confused. “What are you talking about? You didn’t hurt me.”

Clarisse’s gaze dropped to the ground. “I almost lost control, Y/n. I could’ve hurt you by accident. I could’ve—”

“But you didn’t,” Y/n interrupted, tightening her grip on Clarisse. “You stopped. And even if you hadn’t, I know you would never hurt me on purpose.”

Clarisse’s hands trembled as she cupped Y/n’s face. “I never want to hurt you. Ever. But… but what if I do? What if I can’t control it next time?”

“There won’t be a next time,” Y/n said firmly. “You’re not a monster, Clarisse. You’re my hero. You protected me.”

Clarisse shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do,” Y/n insisted, standing on her tiptoes to press a kiss to Clarisse’s lips. “I love you, Clarisse. All of you. Even the parts that scare you.”

Clarisse’s breath hitched, and she kissed Y/n back, a desperate, tender kiss that spoke of all the fear and love tangled inside her. When they finally pulled apart, Clarisse rested her forehead against Y/n’s. “I love you too. So much.”

They stood there for a long time, holding each other as the sun set behind them. Eventually, Clarisse pulled away, her eyes still haunted by what had happened. “I think… I think I need some time alone.”

Y/n’s heart sank, but she nodded. “Okay. But promise me you’ll come back?”

Clarisse managed a small, sad smile. “I promise.”

As Clarisse walked away, Y/n watched her go, a knot of worry tightening in her chest. She knew Clarisse was struggling with her anger, with the fear that she might one day lose control. But Y/n also knew that their love was stronger than any fear.

For the next few days, Clarisse avoided Y/n. She threw herself into training, into her duties, into anything that kept her away from the person she loved most. Y/n tried to reach out, but Clarisse always found an excuse to keep her distance. It was agonizing, but Y/n refused to give up. She knew that Clarisse was trying to protect her, but what Clarisse didn’t realize was that by pulling away, she was hurting Y/n even more.

Finally, after almost a week of silence, Y/n decided she’d had enough. She marched over to the Ares cabin, ignoring the wary looks from the other campers, and knocked on the door.

Clarisse opened it, and the moment she saw Y/n standing there, she looked like she might close it again. But Y/n quickly stepped inside, blocking her from shutting the door.

“Clarisse, we need to talk,” Y/n said, her voice firm.

Clarisse sighed, running a hand through her messy hair. “Y/n, I—”

“No,” Y/n interrupted, her eyes flashing with determination. “You don’t get to push me away like this. I know you’re scared, but you don’t have to be. I’m not going anywhere.”

Clarisse looked at her, the walls she’d built around herself starting to crumble. “But what if I hurt you?”

“You won’t,” Y/n said, taking Clarisse’s hands in hers. “And even if you did, I’d still love you. You’re not your dad, Clarisse. You’re not Ares. You’re you, and that’s who I fell in love with.”

Clarisse’s shoulders slumped, and she pulled Y/n into a tight embrace, burying her face in Y/n’s hair. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice choked with emotion. “I’m so sorry for everything.”

Y/n hugged her back just as tightly. “It’s okay. We’ll get through this together.”

Clarisse nodded, holding Y/n like she was afraid to let go. And in that moment, Y/n knew that they were going to be okay. Their love was strong enough to withstand anything, even the darkest parts of themselves.

And from that day forward, Clarisse vowed to never let her fear drive a wedge between them again. She worked on her anger, on her need to protect Y/n without pushing her away. It wasn’t easy, but Y/n was always there, her unwavering support giving Clarisse the strength to keep going.

Together, they were unstoppable.

[myezblog]

Ep 4

Pretty solid episode... most of the theories have been validated.

What we got right -

All experiences that Great is having of saving people and essentially everything , it is all in his head... nothing happening for real

4 minutes because heart stopping and brain stopping - dead to really really dead is 4 minutes (we are 11.02 right now.. Great is alive until 11:04)

After death experience - were right about beliefs... wherein one patient saw angels performing on her.. whereas the 4 min. thing is more about regrets and what ifs... ( interestingly, we did not hear Lukwa tell us which part of her life she revisited during her 4 min. journey)

Thing is linked to saving Tyme... This is Great grappling desparately and with all the what ifs to save Tyme... his most important moment, person, life phase...

Tonkla's motive and brother, Tonkla using Win

Timelines -

Scene before intro is the real normal actual timeline (i had this theory since ep 2 and there is another person who had the same theory...don't recall user id) ... So, in the present, ep 1 - Great is in the hospital and Tyme is dying ; ep 2 - Tonkla did murder and take revenge ; ep 3 and 4 - Police is investigating the murders

All of great's experiences - whichever scene he is in is playing in his mind... timeflow is not normal pace

Don't think there are more timelines. Even Korn-Win-Tonkla thing that we are being shown is in the past/ actual past (we can see this because Great is living the past... so he has the full picture at this time)

Where the timeline falters-

3. So, lady was also in her arrest while/when Great went into arrest- ep 1... SO, when she came to visit Dan with her 4 min. experience, she had come out of her cardiac arrest moment and interacted with Dan quite a few times by then...

But great is still on the hospital bed... and yet Dan talks about Great as another patient who can see 4 min. in the future..

My guess is, Lukwa is also someone who existed in past... and great heard of her case...hence she is part of the story in his brain...

He hasn't met lukwa yet in the 4 min. room... he will... and i guess that's when timelines will start sorting themselves out..

Tonkla -

Tonkla killed his dad or was involved hence his fingerprints exist in the database. Cat was likely killed by dad. That's why Mio was so against title because title abuses girls too and is an aggressive person

Definitely using Win for the case

Did love Korn, does love Korn... but will be interesting to see how he reacts when he knows that along with Title, Great was also there when title bludgeoned his brother to death

Korn said he would tell the world that tonkla is his boyfriend...but now korn has a fiancee and uh! messed up

(lol.. at Win not wearing his pants back during the whole time korn was there)

Great -

The place they have run to... which Great has taken them to and not tyme... again reaffirms that this is not real.. all is happening in his head...

So, he is with tyme.. in a nice romantic serene place where no one can find them and which Great doesn't know himself

Ost lyrics

I could give it all to be with you even if it is merely an illusion from the heaven

Every sin and sorrow i shouldered was from my heart's command

It means i could do anything and everything if you were to leave me

I will not say it again but please keep this in mind, You can never leave me

I know fairly well that caring for a venomous snake would make my life suffer everyday

And if one day, anyone betrays me, I can assure you in one word:

Avenge, i will destroy and cleanse it all till your very last day

There will not be a single minute where your wish can be fulfilled

If you ever let go of my hand, i promise you that when we meet next time You will have to come crawling back to me

Even when i know you are venomous, i still endure it

Whatever reason it may be but i am not giving you up to anyone else

You can never leave me

I know fairly well that feeding a venomous snake would make me live in paranoia everyday

And even if you turn to bite my feeding hands and betray me, i can assure you that i will "Avenge"... destroying and cleansing it all till your very last day

I will use your tears to cleanse it all..

In summary

Tonkla and Great have to overlap somewhere with respect to Tyme for the two stories to make sense. Likely Tonkla is on revenge targetting both Title and Great (he could go after tyme given Tyme is precious to Great) Or Korn-Tyme conflict linking itself to Tonkla (aka what if Korn could freely love Tonkla and never pushed into business)

Great's arc... it is like the Godfather... Great is the nice guy, detached from all shady and business stuff... but going by OST... he has to emerge as someone who is way better than Korn at handling this business and upping against every other player

The past that we see in Great's mind is also twisted... e.g. we don't know if Tyme genuinely liked Great or was using him till the very end... but Great must have turned grey (taking over business, handling korn.. etc etc.. to protect tyme)

Going back to the statement that has been made twice now about one's beliefs and religion playing a part on the deathbed.... I THINK.. it is the sheer strong will of great to save Tyme that Tyme might be saved by the end of this ordeal.. Great may or maynot be alive

[booksandabeer]

Ramblings on Fandom: Peggy Carter, Steve Rogers, Delusional Shippers, and Alleged Misogyny

So with the release of Season 2 of What If…? emotions are once again running high, the outrage is outraging, and people are up in arms about the whole Captain Carter situation. While I do think that some reactions are a little overblown, even needlessly aggressive in tone to the unfortunate detriment of their otherwise convincing arguments, I share the confusion and frustration about the sudden centering of a long-dead & never excessively popular character, the sidelining of the Steve-Bucky friendship, and the as-inexplicable-as-it-is-total exclusion of Sam Wilson as Captain America. However, I’m not here to talk about the show because (1) I haven’t watched this season and have no plans to (why waste time torturing myself with something I know I’ll hate?) and (2) other people have already written dozens of metas about it, so what could I possibly add at this point.

What I do want need to talk about (lest I explode) is something that has irritated me for a long time and that is now happening again: Every time someone even mildly criticizes Peggy Carter, expresses doubts about her suitability as a heroine, or even just questions her disproportionate importance to the franchise post-EG, inevitably a certain section of fans will come out of the woodwork to immediately throw around accusations of misogyny and yell about how we’re all just a bunch of delusional Stuckies who are mad that she got "in the way" of our ship. Sigh.

This is gonna be a long one, so I’ll put it under a cut. Rant incoming. You've been warned. If you don't want to read, simply keep scrolling.

First of all, let me state very clearly that I’m not debating the existence of misogyny and sexism in fandom spaces—or in the media from which these fandoms originate. At all. It exists, it’s a thing, I’m not denying that. Which is exactly why it frustrates me endlessly to see these accusations thrown around as a gotcha! argument to shut down any and all critical debate around a female character. All it does in the end is escalate rhetoric and radicalize attitudes.  

In the case of Peggy Carter, specifically her treatment by Stucky shippers, I’ve always found 'misogyny as a motive' to be a largely unsubstantiated accusation.¹ Now, I neither presume nor do I want to speak for the entirety of Stuckynation, so I will not claim that there aren't corners of the fandom where people discuss her in ways that I find off-putting and deeply unserious, but I will say this: If you genuinely believe that disliking one (1) fictional female character equals “hating all women” and wanting to suppress and marginalize their presence in fiction and real life alike—then I think we need to take that word away from you until you’ve learned its true meaning.

You might also want to ask yourself how exactly reducing a female character to a mute trophy wife or a heroine who has to act out her love interest’s recycled storylines helps your feminist fight.

As for the “getting in the way of your ship” part of the argument. Very simply put: No character can get in the way of something if there never ever was “a way” to that something to begin with. “Being mad” implies that there was a reasonable expectation that wasn’t met, a substantive hope that was crushed. Now, I’ve said this before and I’ll gladly say it again a million more times: No Stucky shipper in their right mind ever truly thought that there was even the slightest chance that Marvel Studios owned by the Walt Disney Company would allow Steve “Captain America” Rogers and Bucky “Winter Soldier” Barnes to be canonized as an explicitly romantic pairing in their billion dollar franchise. Be serious. That was never in the cards. I wish we all lived in a world where it was, but we don’t, and it wasn’t. The best we could ever hope for was for Steve and Bucky to get a good, satisfying, in-character ending. And if, in Steve’s case, that would’ve included hints (or more) about a possible rekindling of his, uh, aborted romance with Sharon—then so be it. But we never got any of that. The characters never got any of that. Instead they sent Steve into 1950s suburban hell, literally trapped him behind a white picket fence, and condemned him to a life of passivity and lies, all so he could be married to a woman he barely knew a long time ago in a completely different world; who built and ran a top-to-bottom Hydra-infested organization, but apparently never noticed that there was anything wrong with her life's work. For decades. Great. As for Bucky—well, we’ve all seen the devastatingly grim-faced, utterly lonely, and deeply sad version of him that was presented to us in TFATWS. Happy endings all around, I guess.

So. Am I mad that Steve didn’t get to ride into the rainbow-colored sunset with Bucky at the end of EG? No. Because that was never going to happen anyway. Would I have been mad had he ended up with Sharon or another female character in the 21st century? Also no. Granted, I wouldn’t have been ecstatic about it, but mad? No. But am I mad that Steve ended up with this specific female character under these specific circumstances as presented in canon? Fuck yeah, I am.

The thing is: I personally believe Steve and Peggy to be fundamentally incompatible when it comes to the way they view the world and their respective places in it; their morals and values; their capacity for compassion and empathy; their ability and willingness to compartmentalize, compromise, and collaborate with people and institutions whose ethics and/or politics do not align with their own. I have a real hard time believing that a relationship between these two (or worse, a hasty marriage) could be either happy or long-lasting.

I don’t believe Peggy to be inherently evil, I don’t hate her, I simply think she operates within a different moral framework than Steve (and even genuinely believes it to be a righteous one).² Your mileage may vary, but I personally happen to find that framework reprehensible, even indecent, and ultimately dangerous. After all, over the course of the 20th century, we have seen exactly where that kind of “the ends justify the means” brand of pragmatism leads—over and over again. Not to mention that the people who use this line of argument to defend characters like Peggy (or real-life politicians for that matter) never seem to want to look too closely at who gets to define what "the ends" are in the first place and who decides when they've finally been met.

(Never. The answer is never.)

And to be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with depicting, and even centering a narrative around a morally (dark)gray character—oftentimes it’s actually the more interesting option—but you cannot at the same time claim that they are purely good and should be only admired as such when their actions literally tell an entirely different story.

So, no. I will not accept Peggy Carter as the shining aspirational heroine that the MCU so badly wants to sell her to me as—while simultaneously continuing to reveal things that paint an increasingly darker picture of her character. And I will certainly not celebrate seeing one of my favorite characters of all time—whose defining trait was that he couldn't ignore "a situation pointed south"; who used to fight for the little guy and against the establishment; who once said about the very organization that Peggy Carter helped build that it was so corrupt, it all needed to go—rendered morally inert for some hollow happy ending that may as well be a conservative’s wet dream full of false nostalgia for an America that never really existed. I cannot find it in me to be anything less but mad about that.

But that does not make me a misogynist. It does not make me a delusional shipper. It makes me someone who looks at what the MCU has been telling me about Peggy Carter for years now—over and over again—and takes it at its own word.

--------

¹ If you’ve actually read a a fair number of Stucky(!) fanfics you will have noticed that the reverence afforded to and "page time" devoted to her character and her relationship with Steve is somewhat disproportionate to anything that's backed up by canon—well, up until EG, where she was suddenly reanimated as The Great Love of Steve’s Life—and in my experience, it's highly unusual for any fandom to put so much (mostly) positive attention on another character, let alone a potential love interest that is not part of the endgame ship.

² I also want to emphasize that if you love Peggy and she's your fave: good for you! I genuinely have no beef with you. People can agree to disagree. All I ask for is that we maybe stop willfully ignoring the less savory aspects of her character. You don't need to pretend she's perfect to justify your affection for her. I LOVE Steve, and yet I have no problem conceding that he is FAR from perfect.

[idyllcy]

from one admirer to another : baked?

pairing: leon kennedy x reader || masterpost: from one admirer to another

synopsis: from one admirer to another, an online penpal service, allows for two people with common interests to write to each other without ever revealing their actual address! Luckily for both you and Leon, you get matched up! What do eggs and Christmas even have in common anyway? sure hope it's that modeling business and NOT that Ada Wong addiction.

featuring: reader as model number two // leon as christmas

Dearest model number two,

That mid-autumn festival dinner with you was delightful. I found it especially funny when you absolutely lost every ounce of cool when Ada had casually pointed at me with her chopsticks and deadpanned that I was Christmas himself. I wish I got a photo of the absolute embarrassment that was written on your face and how you probably would have jumped out the window had you not sunk to the floor out of embarrassment.

I think you know by now that I have an awful crush on you. From the second you first met me, the second I first locked eyes with you, from the moment your hand was placed on my bicep, I have been weak to you. I know you said you prefer to date face to face, which I have nothing against, but I just think it's wonderful to have love letters to look back to. My parents had them as well, so I hope we can continue this. I understand if you don't want to, though. It's a little creepy to think that your penpal all this time had been your long-time admirer, huh?

The mooncakes were heavenly. Ashley told me back in Spain that she always looked forward to the mid-autumn festival because someone would go around the office and give people mooncakes, so to be able to taste them myself is wonderful to me. I hope you never stop making them despite your rant about how you've grown sick of eating them yourself. Since you're sick of it, I'll eat all of the filling and leave the yolks for you until you're ready to share the sugar with me again. (Oh, god. I'm embarrassed at those words please erase them from your brain)

You asked me why I quit the academy at dinner but I couldn't answer. I gave it a little more thought, and honestly, I do not know. For the vast majority of my life, I had been enamored with the idea that one day, I would become someone just as admirable as the man who saved me. After the academy, my dreams had dimmed a little, and after a very short time in the Raccoon City department, the corruption ultimately drove me away when I was scouted after saving a guy from a robbery. Most of my muscle has just been from the time that I was in the academy. I just keep to the same routine, so I'm sorry for lying and telling you to ask my trainer. I panicked. Please forgive me.

I'm getting ready for the beach shoot you had complained about before dinner that night. Honestly, I found it strange as well, but I honestly think the company is clinging on for dear life, so the chances of this happening again are most likely rather slim. I keep pieces of you in my day-to-day, a different egg dish each morning because you love them so much. (I wonder if you'll let me make breakfast for you one day? With eggs, of course. You can even have mine)

The letter's much longer than the ones before, but I just felt that it would only be fair to let my heart speak this time. Of course, if you do not like it, I can stick with updates in life only next time. Just, I thought it would be cute. God, the romcoms I binged after I left dinner with you are seeping into my writing, huh? Biggest apologies.

Seeing you soon, Leon

p.s. thank you for taking care of Sunshine while I was away. I think he recognized you from the faint smell of your perfume on your letters. He misses you (I do too)

Leon wonders if he should just hand the letter to you, but there's a part of him that argues that it would be unromantic of him to do so. You're a romantic at heart, he finds. From complaining about never receiving flowers to handing nearly everyone in the office a couple of mooncakes for a holiday that isn't even widely celebrated here, you're romantic to the heart.

You look at flower meanings rather than color, write as a hobby and own a cat you call Sesame Bun, and just everything around you is covered in a slight pink hue. Rose-tinted life. You choose to ignore all of your problems in favor of the good, affection seeping through even your letters, unabashedly reserved for everyone. You support to the best of your ability, so Leon wonders if it's finally time to support you back. Well, who knows if you need support. You seem fine by yourself, but he'd like to join you nonetheless. It doesn't hurt to have one more companion in your life.

"Scrambled eggs." He hums.

"Noël." You hum. "Sorry about dinner. Ada gets a little honest... while drunk."

"It was funny. You were the star of the show."

You grimace, glancing at the waves and the reflection of the sun.

Leon laughs, glancing over at the workers. "You didn't know?"

"I was drunk out of my mind when I kissed you on New Year's. I'm not smart, contrary to what I might give off." You stretch your arms above your head. "I won't avoid you asking for my number, if that's what you're wondering."

"I'm glad." He smiles. "I mailed out the letter earlier today. You should be getting it soon."

"I look forward to it." You nod. "Is it a love letter?"

"No promises."

You stick your tongue out in disgust.

"Doing anything on Halloween?"

"Luis' masquerade." You smile. "I hope you can find me."

"I always will." He mumbles. "Always."

"Oh, what a sap." You mumble, expression flustered nonetheless.

You trust that he will.

prev post : masterlist : next letter

[the5thcellar]

I actually think Luke is serious about A. That age gap is typically what men marry these days. I think he's crazy about her and was taking it slow after a long term break up before going official. That shows intention, planning, and wanting her. I wouldn't be surprised the official IG couple post is coming soon.

I'm just upset that they took it this far with promo. Tom and Z were meeting each other's family outside of work early on, so to say you are officially brining him to meet the fame was a bit much. Closing your eyes when she touches your face? Grade A acting. I hate that it makes me believe he was never attracted to an amazing woman like Nicola. I feel dumb for falling for it all. I hope Nicola finds a handsome guy who will love her proudly.

that's a really interesting take tbh! ive actually never considered he was serious about her in the sense of marrying - but of course this is purely based off the vibes I get and is entirely my own view.

one of the reasons i say this is because luke doesn't seem too inclined to keep a completely friendly distance between himself and nic - i heard that the QC leads india and corey were shipped really hard by fans as well and he had a gf during the whole press run - and towards the end india and corey started posing separately on carpets (i.e. no touching, no friendly hand around shoulder even during photos etc) because they wanted to emphasise that they were really just friends.

luke in contrast seems to have no qualms about blurring lines - and one of the reasons the more rabid fans kept insulting Antonia was a direct result of the fact that he kept stating his "single" status to press. I think he could have helped Antonia avoid a lot of the flak she drew by just stating that he's seeing someone. but maybe he felt it would draw even more attention to his private life and her? idk. i don't want to puzzle over his motivations because I don't believe they are too complex - I've said this many times before and I'll keep saying it - no matter how good a man seems (and I do believe Luke is very good and sweet), trying to justify anything they do is still a sure path to disappointment.

more importantly: please don't feel dumb for falling for the hope that nic and luke could be together! i really don't think they were being deliberately disingenuous - i actually think the opposite - i think they themselves are often confused about what they really are and it's just easier to define it as being great friends. it's strange but i get the feeling that they see each other as a source of potential - it's simultaneously impossible and also the easiest thing in the world for them to envision a reality where they're together - there just seems to be many barriers to it happening for real. they're comfortable living in the liminal space between great friendship and great romantic love - it definitely explains why nic said she doesn't have a relationship in her life that's anything close to what she has with luke. I think there just needs to be a decisive push for them to ever move out of this grey area. it'll have to be something massive for it to ever happen... and it's not something I hold out hope for (again, just to avoid disappointment!)

this got really long; I wish nic and luke all the best and I think they have something very special with each other. I think life has many many stops along the way and I don't think luke has found a final stop in his romantic journey with antonia - they are both very young and they don't have the vibe of "together forever" couples - if they did (since luke is such a big believer in love at first sight) - he'd have laid down a commitment a lot sooner.

again I want to emphasise that this is all MY POV - it's the vibe I get. I'm WELL AWARE I don't know these people irl. There's always criticism of how parasocial fandom and stan behaviour are but I think most fans - myself included - are very conscious of the fact that the way we perceive and interact with celebs is completely one sided. I'm also not a psychic or clairvoyant or anything of the sort. i just strangely feel a lot of things all the time and ive never been chill a day in my life 😂

sending you lots of good feelings and healing - I feel your hurt and unease and disappointment because I feel the same, but it gets easier to accept with each day that passes.