#they moved on without me and that hurt me but im mostly fine with that now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wintersera · 4 months

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Can you make a fic about vampire!karina? Her fangs in supernova mv got me dizzy😵‍💫

not so much of a fic but maybe a short little imagine/drabble thingy? cause yk yuh eslayyy

tw: blood 😰

anyways she looks like a little brat here it’s actually driving me a little insane CAUSE HOW DOES SHE LOOK SO CUTE WHEN SHES WREAKING HAVOC IN THE STREETS (and in the sheets ifykwim)😭

the typa vampire girlie to be so desperate to feed on reader bc shes so pretty and shes so so hungry ;;

lets say one day you woke up in the middle of the damn night, had a singular thought- the thought being explore the forest, at what? 2am. what a great idea 😭

so you prepared essentials in a backpack; some food, water bottle, a torch, lighter, batteries and thats about it.

you weren’t too big of a believer in the supernatural, you thought the concept of it was cool yk, warewolves and vampires- all that interesting stuff that you’d see in movies and books. obviously all that stuff was fake, so really, coming across a vampire wasn’t on your list of ‘what to do and encounter at a forest’. and now you’re aimlessly wondering around in the butt fuck of nowhere ignoring the obvious signs as to why your ass should NAWT be in the fucksss forest at this ungodly hour. you could’ve chosen any other time but naaurrr,,,

anyways, as you were strolling around without a care in the world, you heard the snap of a twig and something rustling around in the bushes. it could be a bear, or a man… the idea of that was worse by tenfold.

was the right option run back home and go back to sleep, yes! did you do it? NO, you know what you did? move towards the bushes… any reasoning? “what if its a cat? the cat distribution system could be in my favour today” :]

WRONG.

out from the bushes came a pretty tall girl. she bared her teeth at you, a clear warning so you could back up before anything bad happened. yet you stood there observing her instead. ngl you were pretty terrified none the less, pretty girl with sharp fangs that could rip through your skin. you were convinced she wasn’t real, maybe she was a hallucination??? idk bro maybe you were on shrooms or something.

“what are you doing here all alone in the woods pretty girl?”

tbh you were pretty shocked to the point of not being able to talk, so you stood there.

“aww too scared to speak? that’s okay, come with me” she grabbed your hand, grip pretty tight since she didn’t know how strong she really was. now all of a sudden you’re in an empty cabin log “dont be alarmed but… im hungry- can i get a bite? just a little. i promise i’ll only drink a little” you thought this was a big ass lie but let her bite you :( she’s so hungry.

her sharp fangs pierce into your neck, moaning at how good you taste. she couldn’t help but to embrace you as she was savouring your blood. the pain only lasted for a mere second before your body was engulfed in warmth, you thought that maybe you were gonna pass out but you were fine. i guess she figured out how nervous you were, your body tense and everything?!?2)2! she pulled back “i’m sorry did it hurt too much? it’s okay i can make it feel better” kissing your neck and whispering how happy you made her “i’ll return the favour” trailing bloody kisses from your neck down, to your collarbone and further down. ngl you thought it was pretty hot at how messy and how inexperienced she was at this. her hands would be all over you at first, on your tits mostly playing with them through you clothes “feel any good…? c-can i still taste you?” you nod hesitantly, but it did feel good though!

maybe because you were her first victim, she didn’t know what in the hells she was doing :,( obviously as a new vampire spawn she was trying her very best to make you feel good after she fed off of you. ripping your clothes off with ease, she wasted no time :] she made sure that every inch or your body felt good— leaving bloody stains wherver she kissed you, yes shes a messy eater 😭 the blood is all over her mouth leave her be-

after a long time of being kissed and having your boobs played with, she finally takes off your panties- soaked ofc! and blushes at you, looking up with her darkened puppy eyes,, awww how cute ;; you give her a slow nod and she just goes for it. so desperate and needy to make you feel good, she wouldn’t be lying if biting you made her so turned on. she fr eats you out like you were her last ever meal on earth 😊 like she gets so pussy drunk, lapping up all your juices, sucking and licking your clit so harshly earning a whimper from you.

she just thinks you taste so good,, your blood, your pussy? her heads spinning from your scent,, ouh girl she’s feeling dizzy, but that only drives her more insane. gripping onto your thighs, digging her nails into them. she wants more- moaning loudly as she continues to eat you out vigorously, her tongue circling around your clit so fast that it brings you to tears- are you sure she’s inexperienced bc this feels way too good “mmmhf is.. is this good? does your pussy feel good pretty girl?” that sentence alone brings you towards your climax- thighs squeezing together, essentially trapping her inbetween your legs 🫣🫣

so know if you’re ever feeling bored, you’d know where to go to find a certain specific desperate vampire waiting for you in the log cabins at 3am 🤩

IGNORE IF I MADE ANY MISTAKES PLEEKKKK 🙏🙏🙏🙏

#kaye: imagines!!#aespa smut #aespa x reader smut #aespa karina smut #karina smut #yu jimin x reader smut #girl group smut #yu jimin smut

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strniohoeee · 11 months

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chris and reader have a big fight and reader flinches when he raises his hand to touch his hair so then he immediately go soft and comforts her as she talks about her abusive ex boyfriend who gave her trauma

Mishandle

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Chris and Y/N are arguing because y/n went out without telling him, and wasn’t responding to his texts. Y/N’s trauma comes to the surface, and Chris is there to save her🫂

Warnings⚠️: Past abuse in a relationship

Song for the imagine: Reciprocate- Summer Walker

Arguing with Chris rarely ever happened, I would say it almost never happened, but when we did argue it was intense. I hated it because it brought me back to how my ex and I used to be. Although Chris has never done anything or said anything like my ex did, I still got terrible flashbacks.

I never wanted to argue with Chris, afraid that my past trauma will come out, and I’d have to tell him stuff I swore to never think about again.

But right now Chris and I were in the biggest argument we’ve ever had. I forgot to tell him I was going out, and I forgot to share my location. Doesn’t seem bad, but the issue was I had no service in the area I was at, and when the chat bubbles finally started going through I didn’t answer. I was out with my homegirls, and I didn’t even think to check my phone, or call Chris.

I originally was supposed to be home before Chris and his brothers, but we all got carried away and went to other clubs. Chris was so worried when I wasn’t answering he had Nick and Matt also contact me, but once again I wasn’t checking my phone.

I had finally checked my phone when I was ordering the Uber home, but Chris wasn’t answering me. Instead he was waiting in the kitchen fuming

That brings us to now.

“How could you go out downtown clubbing ALONE, and then you don’t even share your location, or answer me” he said angrily

“Baby I completely forgot, like it slipped my mind, and I was having so much fun I didn’t think of it” I said walking up to him and sitting down diagonal from him

“I was so fucking worried that something happened to you, like you don’t understand I was ready to start hunting for you” he said shaking his head

“I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking” I said looking at him

“That’s your problem. You never think in instances like this” he said scoffing at me

“What the fuck? Why would you even say something like that” I told him

“How do you plan a night out, and don’t even think to tell me. Like no matter what I do I always tell you where I’m at, where I’m going and who I’m with” he said looking at me

“And once again Christopher it completely slipped my mind” I told him with an attitude

“Don’t catch an attitude with me” he said shaking his head

“Don’t be an asshole, and I wouldn’t” I said

“I’m not being an asshole. I’m being a scared boyfriend” he said back

“And for the last time, I completely forgot” I spat at him

“DOESNT FUCKING MATTER” he said raising his voice

This made my heart thump faster because I was thinking back to my ex and I.

“IM FUCKING SORRY CHRIS LIKE WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT” I said yelling back

“This is fucking ridiculous” he scoffs

“Yeah it fucking is. You’re getting yourself upset and worked up, clearly I’m fine” I told him leaving in a little closer to him

He looked at me, and moved his hand to push his hair back, but I thought he was going to hit me, so I flinched and moved back

“Do you fucking think I’d hit you?” He said hurt

“I…I’m sorry” I said looking at him

“What the fuck was that” he said

“I’m….I just got a little bit of PTSD from my past relationship” I said looking down

“I’d never fucking hit you……did he hit you?” He asked as his gaze softened

“Not often, we mostly argued, but if I got him mad enough he’d hit me” I said to Chris

“How could he do that to you, I would never in a million years ever think of putting my hands on you” he said grabbing my hand and caressing it

“He just told me I had that face, a face that any man would want to hit” I said wiping a tear

“Baby…I’d never fucking do that to you, and you do not have a face like that…what a fucking dick” he said kissing my hand

“This scar on my chin…..he uh he did it” I said pointing to the deep scar I had on my chin

“What did he do” Chris asked looking at my face for answers

“He umm….well he slashed me with a broken glass cup” I told Chris

“Baby…why’d you never tell me” he said getting up and hugging me

“Honestly I wanted to forget, and I don’t remember most fights because I suffered from a lot of concussions” I said hugging him back

“Concussion?” He asked pulling away and looking into my eyes

“Yeah…he’d always shove my head into the wall” I said looking down

“I’d never do such a thing, and I hope he rots in hell. I love you so fucking much, and I’m so sorry for arguing with you. I just got so worried that something happened to my baby. I wouldn’t be able to live without you. I was ready to fucking kill for you when you didn’t answer me” he said rubbing my cheek

“I love you so much Chris, and I’m sorry. I will always tell you where I’m at and where I’m going” I said looking into his eyes

“I love you so much” he said before kissing me

The End

Hiiiii hope you guys liked this one! It’s a cute lil angsty one. I’m working on the rest of my requests now🫶🏽🖤

-J💅🏽

A/N: I love Matt so much….I wanna be his friend😔

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets imagines #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo imagine

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dreams-everyday · 2 months

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Little Aiden Headcannons

Note that Im not for sure on all the information in this and that you can tell me if I'm wrong!

Also, If you don't like it, don't read it. I feel like I have to say this Incase because of the small fandom 😭 sorryy

Chaotic toddler.

He has enegryyyyy

Only times he is calm is when he's tired or really wore out

Likes climbing on stuff and falls

Keep sharp objects away from him, he will run around with it and try to stab things

He doesn't really have a certain time he does it, since his parents aren't there usually and he has the whole weekend, so mostly during the day, sometimes leading into the night.

Likes to chew on things, so definitely has a chew necklace.

Probably has a smiley face one

Ben definitely keeps one in his bag

Uses them when not little too

Ben is his main caregiver

He found out when they got close, so few months of knowing each other before

Ben knows how to deal with the chaos (or somewhat knows)

Only one that know about the regression before the SBG group

He has many activities to do, just keeping him interested in them is the problem

He does have coloring books, mostly from childhood that he still has from moving

Still likes puzzles, that's the main thing he keeps his focus on

Likes to skateboard and play outside, mostly because there's more to climb on outside, like trees..

Gets hurt a lot

Ben always has a medkit on hand for him, no matter what he has one because of how much Aiden gets hurt.

Doesn't cry or anything, mostly just complains that he has to be careful now and he has to wait

Has scars on his knees from scraping them.

Likes movies but doesn't have an attention span long enough to actually watch them

Action movies are his favorite, but horror is also his favorite

Ben doesn't like horror movies or having Aiden watch them

Has them on as background and will randomly get distracted with a scene and stop whatever he's doing to look at it. But then looks away when he's uninterested again

Watches them when going to sleep, or taking a nap. He falls asleep before it's over because he doesn't have anything to occupy him.

He probably likes Cars

Didn't really have the time to regress when the whole Phantom thing happened

Went at least a month without it, which was fine for him

Ben knew he wasn't regressing and was worried obviously, but he couldn't really do anything about it himself. Ben told Aiden that he was there and would help and Aiden told him that he was fine, and it was probably with all the things going on.

He was getting frustrated about it not happening though, which wasn’t helping, but he was getting more tired during the big tasks that he had to do.

Still kept a smile like always.

The SBG group did find out eventually, but not really on purpose

They were all together, having fun before they all passed out at 12:00

He regressed, and he knew he was, but he thought he could play it off and no one would question it, and he had about two hours before 12:00 and once he was there he would be big again. He also did need too, since he hasn't after Savannah

So when he was, he started being a little demon child, and was messing with Tyler. Ben noticed that he was regressed but didn't say anything without Aiden saying anything first, he was trying to get him to stop so he wouldn't blow his cover but couldn't really..

Ash looked at Ben and asked “Is he an age regresser?” and when Ben froze, (he didn't know what to do) she looked back to Aiden who was fighting with Tyler on the ground.

Logan was the second to realize when he was sitting in his tire playing a game, he got up and went over to Ash and said that he thinks he is, since he also knows about that topic.

The twins didn't know anything about that tho

Anyway, after the Phantom realm they had a talk about it the next day, where Aiden said he was and that Ben was his caregiver. He explained some stuff to them and Ben helped when they asked questions of how to handle him.

They all also explained stuff to the twins about what this whole thing was.

This is how he sees everyone, and some names he calls them:

Ben, En - Caregiver, like a brother

Ash - friend that he likes to try to do stuff with

Tyler, Ty - Brother that he fights with and plays pranks on

Talor, Tay - Best friend that he likes to do pranks with, play games and hang out

Logan, Lo - Friend that he tries to do stuff with and he plays games with.

Doesn’t have gear, and doesn't need it, he also doesn't need a Caregiver, but is okay having one

He does have stuffed animals tho, mostly from different things and places

I think he regresses due to not having his parents' attention and wanting that.

I think that's a Trauma Regressor.

I'm not for sure about that, tell me if anythings wrong or is bad because I haven't went really deep into looking stuff up

His range is 4-8 or somewhere around there

I'm pretty sure that's also like… a Kid Regressor...?? IDKK SORRYY

Found the divider on Pinterest!!

#school bus graveyard webtoon #school bus graveyard #aiden clark #ben clark #ashlyn banner #tyler hernandez #taylor hernandez #sfw agere #age regression #sbg agere #little aiden #school bus graveyard agere

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kpop-with-mars · 11 months

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|Ateez X Trans (Ftm) Reader|

{disclaimer; I dont own any gifs used, this is also inspired by @kittensyoonie and their ateez x trans reader so please check them out as well~.}

{Summary: Ateezs reactions to learning that your trans/you coming out to them.}

{Tags; fluff, angst, hurt comfort, just having a silly old time (mostly),}

{⚠Warnings⚠; I haven't had top surgery or any other forms of gender affirming medical care so some things might be wrong. this also might not relate to every trans person so im sorry T^T. Also look out for misgendering, dead naming, transphobia,}

{ Hi guyss I haven't been writing alot cuz I have so many drafts and i've been working on NONE of them T^T, but don't worry I will post them soon once finished. i've got some goodies in the vault so please look forward to them. alot of these scenarios might be pretty dramatic so sorry ✌ but without farther ado you can read now. Enjoy! maybe? idk its up to you - 🃏}

Hongjoong

You were with him on vlive for your 1 year anniversary of being together so you both read atinys questions and blocked disrespectful ones.

hongjoong attached himself on your arm while you read. "Do you look at other idols?!" you read in shock, hongjoong looked directly at you menacingly. you looked away from him "no~" you answered tucking hair behind your ear.

"You better not" he kissed your cheek making you giggle while hongjoong looked at the other questions until he found one.

"Is y/n transgender?".

hongjoong stared curiously at you "yes, im transgender" as soon as you said that, the viewers and comments spiked upward.

"Im so proud of you for coming out, ill always support you" he gave you a gentle peck on your lips before he turned to the camera.

"Atiny, lets all show our support for y/n okay?. if I see anything that doesn't i won't stand for that, this is a space for everyone so lets make it feel like it" he smiled at the camera when he finished.

You both read more questions and felt thankful for the support from atinys, eventually the camera was turned off and when it did, you and him were getting ready for bed when he pulled you into his chest "I can't believe you came out like that, you didn't feel pressured into it right? " he gently stroked your hair.

"I never thought i could do that, but ever since i met you i've felt more like me" he hummed in response before he put his hand on your cheek lifting up your face "I love you~" he cooed "I love you too" he chuckled at your shyness and he hugged your head to his chest.

Seonghwa

You were at home recovering from your top surgery, you felt like tired didn't wanna move from your bed while you hugged your pillow to your chest, until you finally decided to get up and eat.

But as you walked into the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast you heard the front door unlock. you looked at the door wondering if this is the day you die until it opened to seonghwas smiling face.

"Hi honey" he walked up to you and kissed your forehead before he looked you up and down "Did you just wake up?" "No i woke up an hour and a half ago, i just got out of bed tho" he brought his hands up to your face and turned it from side to side "Did you eat yet?" you shook your head "good thing I got you some food" he handed you the food, which you ate in minutes after seonghwa guided the two of you to the table.

"Are you alright y/n?, you seem tired did you get enough sleep?" he bombarded you with questions while rubbing your back. "I feel fine, maybe just about sluggish" "I know im busy alot, but i just wanna know if something happened while I was away, please?" he moved his hand from your back to your free hand.

You decided to tell him "im sorry I didn't tell you sooner but, I got top surgery" seonghwa looked into your eyes waiting for you to explain "because im transgender" you added.

"That's cool, im glad you're okay" he smiled brightly you responed by giving his lips a gentle peck "I love you" you said making eye contact with him "I love you too, my handsome man".

Yunho

You and yunho were looking at pictures from his childhood while he told the stories behind them, alot of them making you laugh.

He was flipping though more photos when he paused "what?, what is it?" you asked him and he turned his head to you. "I don't think i've seen your baby photos before, have i?" he tilted his head to the side with curiosity in his eyes.

You didn't know what to tell him other then lying "Well i- um" you stammered "You're not embarrassed about them, right?." yunho asked when he noticed how anxious you were getting.

"Yeah, a little bit" you took a deep breath, you pulled out you're phone and showed him a picture of you as a kid. he looked at for a moment then smiled "I don't see any problem with it" yunho said with confusion.

You scrolled through your phone until you found one from prom, and you showed it to yunho. He took in the photo he was seeing before he responed "Oh, oh, you looked..." he had an awkward smile on his face "What" you asked knowing exactly what he was gonna say, until he said something you haven't heard.

"You just don't look happy in that picture, and i don't like it" he put his hand on your back. "I like who you are now because I know that you're happier this way" yunho wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into one of his special hugs.

You would cry but yunho made you too happy to, that's what you loved most about him, and that's what he loves most about you.

Yeosang

You and yeosang started working out together, nothing more sexy then seeing a muscle-y yeosang with an extra shine on his skin.

After more grueling exercise the two of you were taking a break and eating lunch together. "t-that was...alot to say the lest" he wiped sweat from his forehead with a rag and drank his shake.

"Yeah, I think im all worked out for the day" you smiled at him, mean while your sleeveless shirt puffed out and yeosang couldn't help but look "woah-" he admired your toned arms and chest, making you straighten yourself up and cross your arms over your chest.

"It's no secret your totally hot, even with scars" he laughed "Wait what scars??" yeosang made a confused face "the ones on your chest?"

"What- I don't-" "but you do?" he was getting concerned about the way you were suddenly so defensive. "Are you getting self conscious about yourself?-" "no it's just-" you felt you'd just ruined this nice day working out with yeosang by making him upset.

Yeosang came up to you and held your hand "What's wrong honey?" he asked in a sweet but worried tone making your heart sting a bit. but that made you realize this was stupid to keep from him.

"Those scars on my chest..." he looked intently at you "they're from top surgery... im transgender" yeosang pulled you into a hug while he stroked your muscles "that's nice. Im glad you're happy with who you are" he looked at you and gave your lips a quick kiss "and with me~"

You and him laughed about it and continued on with lunch "oh y/n!, can I see your abs again?...please?" his confidence faded to embarrassment when he asked, this caught you off guard but this was at KQ's gym after all, might as well give him some fan service.

"Sure" you lifted up your tank top for him, making him choke on his food for a second. you asking if he's okay until he answered "im fine...but not as fine as you~" you laughed at yeosang's cheesy pick up line and enjoyed the rest of the day with your boyfriend.

San

San was having the best day of his life when you came out wearing some of his clothes, the way his clothes looked so baggy on you made him feel like he had to protect you at any cost.

"Cute~" was the only thing he could say in awe as he stared at you, you gave him a little spin "All of your stuff is so comfy~ it was hard to choose which to wear" you went up to him and threw your arms around his waist and hugged him tightly.

He pet your hair lightly "ill let you wear anything of mine if it makes you happy" he stroked your cheek and kissed your forehead. "Are you ready now?" you nodded your head and san began to walk you through the bouncy choreography.

The two of you were having a fun time and laughed whenever you made a mistake, or when he did. he was showing you how to go down for the chorus. "Then we do that for one, two, three, four. got it?" he demonstrated for you while he spoke "yeah I think so" san nodded then played it for you.

You started going down with the beats while san counted. but even though the shirt you were wearing provided some good ventilation, it was going down your chest more and more with each move.

"Oh-" san laughed out and paused the music. you laughed too with him and the shirt was falling off, revealing most of your chest. san noticed this and smirked when he walked toward you then noticed your scars. "What are those?" he pointed to your chest and you looked down.

"Oh" you pulled up your shirt "those are top surgery scars" san nodded then he suddenly got a look of surprise on his face "you're transgender!?" you put a thumbs up and smiled "Ooo that's cool, like pungja right? but just the other way around?" You nodded.

San picked you up in his arms and lifted you "no wonder you have such a feminine body" he teased you and ruffled your hair "That's why I kinda like wearing your clothes, they're good at hiding it when I want to" you giggled he squeezed you tightly.

"Well like I said, ill let you wear anything of mine if it makes you happy~" he kissed your cheek and put you down. "Alright now since you wanna know how, let me show you right now~".

Mingi

Mingi had took you with him and the members while touring around, he really needed cuddles after performing his heart out and you were his stress reliever.

He walked into the hotel room and you were on your phone and he went straight to the shower after greeting you, having been covered in sweat while you waited quietly for him on the bed.

He came out of the bathroom with his pajamas on and his hair wet. you opened your arms out to him "come here princess~" you understood how tired he was and he flopped down on your side, his head on your shoulder as his hands moved around your body.

He was obviously much taller then you but he felt so small hugging your body. "I love you~" you told him and kissed his forehead while your hand held the back of his head. "I love-" mingi froze when his hand reached a small long bump on your chest, his sleepy eyes widened a bit.

You chuckled lightly at his reaction and you held his cheeks "those are just scars. im transgender, I used to be a woman so I got surgery to get a flat chest" you explained and he nodded "That's cool~ are you happy?" he asked in a deep sleepy voice. "Of course I am. im even more happy with myself after I met you~" you kissed him lightly on the lips.

He gave you his gummy smile and he cuddled you closer to your body, laying his head against your collarbone. you turned your body to him and wrapped your arms around his head and back.

"I love you" his voice was muffled against your chest. "I love you too princess~" he smiled and you turned the lamp off and the two of you fell asleep. your princess finally getting the sleep he needed while knowing you're happy.

Wooyoung

"Come on babe!, let's go to the beach-each what they gonna say~" you heard him sing from down the hall while you were getting ready. you and wooyoung decided to go on a beach date when he had a break from promoting, and now that day was here.

You hurriedly searched for a swim shirt of any kind but to your dismay you couldn't find one. "im coming!" you threw on a shirt and run out the door with wooyoung.

At the beach you and wooyoung ate lunch that the two of you prepared together, after wooyoung finished he threw his shirt off and on your towels and booked it to the water, "Come on y/n!, let's cool off!" He yelled for you when he was in the water.

You grimaced nervously and walked over to the shore, you sat down and brought your legs to your chest. you felt the water lightly brush your feet. wooyoung raised his eyebrow at you "is something wrong babe?" he was confused by your actions.

"N-No.." you denied, but you knew wooyoung would keep pressing you til you dropped dead so you stood up and took your shirt off. you stepped into the water near wooyoung.

"See~, its not so-" he noticed your scars. "Babe?!, did something attack you in the water??. Is that why you were nervous?" he quickly stepped up to you and took your hands.

You chuckled lightly "No... im just transgender" you smile feeling your unease drip away. "Oh, well of course that's alright dummy" he hit your shoulder lightly. "I love you~" he said in a cheesy tone. "I love you too~"

He pecked your lips "I've never actually been to the beach without a shirt on sense surgery, i just get kinda nervous you know?" you admitted while the two of you were in calif deep in the water.

He smiled sweetly "I understand but lets not worry~. I promised to give you some of my confidence when we started dating..." he took a short pause to look in your eyes before he gave you a big smile "so come on lets go have fun!" He dragged you further into the water while the two of you laughed.

Jongho

A sudden knock interrupted your thoughts while in a cracked voice you said "Come in". the door opened to jongho's handsome face making you straighten up and try to make it look like you weren't crying.

"I was told you weren't feeling alright" he explained himself and sat next to you giving you a kiss on the cheek. "Do you wanna talk about it?" he looked at you with pleading eyes.

He held your hand in his squeezing it gently until you gave in and started tearing up again, "If -i was different back when I was younger, would you still love me?" he stayed silent allowing you to continue. "I know I shouldn't care what people think, but i don't feel like ill be- anything to anyone, really. I hate how people looked at me---and still look at me---especially because I knew what they were thinking"

you took in some more fresh air and wiped some tears before jongho spoke "Why would people ever judge you?". you responded "because I didn't want to be what they wanted" he thought on that for a moment before he asked another "What did they want you to be?" his voice held nothing gentleness and compassion, instantly you felt safer.

"A girl they could control" you put your face on his shoulder and lightly sobbed, jongho wrapped his arms around you and helped control your breathing. he held you in his warm chest for awhile, until you pulled away.

"You don't have to deal with this alone, okay?... I'm sorry you didn't feel safe telling me before but," he paused for a minute and held out his pinky "Let's get through this together now, promise" you let out a light chuckle and interlocked pinkies with him.

His arms snaked around you while you held him tightly hoping to never release, jongho turned your head to him and he gave you a kiss you'd been dieing to get. his lips fit onto yours like a puzzle piece, and like a puzzle you were complete.

{Hi guyss~, I sadly couldn't finish my hongjoong x trans reader one shot I was writing for his birthday so ill be working on it and ill post it when its done or just work on some other fics, speaking of them ill probably do some sort of poll or vote for these other fics I really wanna write so that I know what y'all will wanna see next~~. I got inspired by @kittensyoonie I read their ateez x trans reader thing and I was inspired by them to write this. So thank you to them and also read theirs!. - 🃏}

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drifloonz · 5 months

Note

I also wanna see hcs of Steven with an autistic reader (dating hcs ig, I'm also a Strangled Red simp and I'm autistic)

remember me. im alive . Im here to heal the drought . i am too tired mentally to do the whole format shebang maybe ill dress it up when i wake up ( it is currently 6:21 am for me and im not tired yet )

Actually i dont think i do anything that extra or fancy with my formatting other than the title which i added right now. so . Enjoy

steven x autistic reader!

♡ he's autistic as well ... like that "I hate people" type'a autism. at least nowadays! i think he used to have trouble with volume and tone before the incident and just generally get easily overwhelmed... and either freeze or start to go on a walk to take his mind off of things. stuff like that.

♡ He's also insanely autistic about battle strategies and its his special interest of sorts . like... not that much, he did ( in my interpretation and what is kind of implied? ) sweep everything with miki because she's a special charizard who just kind of. Is stronger in all ways.

♡ BUT! i think i mean this in the more pokeani style of battles - he's crafty and very observant of his surroundings and how to "Cheat" battles with it. wink

♡ anyways yeah autistic reader . hi . You came for dating hcs right .

♡ he tends to just live in his house, lurking, stalking, barely moving out of bed to eat - so you might have to help him with that. ... buuuut, if you're similar, then you two will simply just sit in bed staring at the ceiling all day . napstablook core

♡ he hasn't had much stimulation outside of taking care of his basic needs and like. i'unno. being alive in general. so if you have an interest he isn't too aware of, he's always very happy to listen.

♡ he's an extremely good listener- he'll be nodding and mostly silent, but he may ask questions once he's more comfortable with you. he is actively trying to engage with your interests, although his own autism makes his tone a little stagnant- if he sounds uninterested, it's not intentional. his voice just comes off like that.

♡ he particularly likes games and music although the interests and energy for them have wavered a lot for him personally - so if your interests align with those sorts of things, he'll definitely be on board. you being into something in a genre he used to like definitely gives him enough energy to try again.

♡ this eventually does end up with him having more energy to engage with things that used to give him joy in a similar way . mostly playing games... like, a pokemon stadium or battle revolution game if those existed in-universe? because he can't exactly uh. Battle for real anymore without hurting those around him. of course, he always has charizard on his teams front and center. it's not Her. but, it'll suffice as long as he distracts himself.

♡ truly, it's just like this. introduce things to him and he'll be eager to try or listen or talk to you about them.

♡ if you get overwhelmed anywhere, he is quick to move you out of the area and also maybe take away the overwhelming Element. if it's a person, well. he'll just basically glare at them. a silent 'Fuck Off'

♡ also he will personally appreciate it if you get him more clothes. having just a few sets is fine for his depression, but the more he realizes it, the fabric feels awful sometimes. mainly, his trainer outfit he usually goes outside with - it's very worn and torn and the material was always a little cheap... if you get him a replacement, he'll be all the happier for it.

♡ he'd also give the old one to you if you cared about that sort of thing, but he'd be tentative because. well. it's worn and torn...?

♡ unless you fix it up and sew it somehow. that'd be nice. Im getting offtrack

♡ if you draw, write, or do creative things - he's always happy to see them. he likes to simply wrap his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder as he looks at what you're doing now and again... it's, calming? like, really calming. to be honest, he could do that forever and ever.

♡ until you two get hungry of course. but, until then.

♡ he does also of course engage and ask about things like your OCs ( if you have them ), worlds, writing, dynamics, headcanons - anything, everything.

♡ generally things like this are what he's happiest with . watching something with you or watching you do something as he lays back and relaxes. seeing you enjoy the things you like makes him feel a lot better even though its something so simple .

♡ ... S!3v3n is also similar, he's just much more quiet- basically nonverbal - about how he goes about it. those red eyes will always be watching intently though .

_____

sorry if these were barebones i didnt rlly know what to Go off of but yeah . he is autistic too !!!! the Tismry

#wispy writes #steven strangled red #steven strangled red x reader #strangled red x reader

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greatpestilenz · 1 year

Text

Come Back - Miles Morales x Reader

-Just a lazy little fanfic i wrote bc i was bored wbk

-I just love miles sm, he looks like my bf and im so so so in love on goddddd

In the days following the breakup with Miles, you tried to avoid him at school. One day, while walking in the halls, a student accidentally knocked into you, sending you towards the ground. Without hesitation, Miles caught you in his arms. “You okay?” He asks. Despite the breakup, the care and love between you two remained evident, making it difficult to move on completely. However, he felt compelled to end the relationship, citing his reason as being for your safety.

You aggressively pull yourself away from him and dust your clothes. "I'm fine." You reply curtly and turn to leave. Miles grabs you by the hand to stop you.

He’s surprised by your aggressive reaction. “Wow… I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay!” He looks a bit hurt, but tries his best to hide it. “You can try being nicer, y’know.” He still sounds mostly playful, but there’s a slight edge to his tone.

He doesn’t let go of your hand.

"I'll be nicer if you hadn't broken up with me for no reason." You furrowed your brows and try to pull your hand away.

He gives a little huff in annoyance, still smiling. “This again… I didn’t break up with you for no reason. I did it for your safety, and you know that.” He still holds your hand, though he doesn’t tug at it. His eyes are calm with slight annoyance.

"Safety.." You roll my eyes. "Yeah right." His smile fades, and there’s a slight twitch of annoyance at your tone.

“Oh come on, I told you already. Me being Spider-Man was putting you in danger, and I needed to protect you.”

He still refuses to let go of your hand, and in fact tightens the grip a little.

"What does that protect? If someone already knew you were dating me, what would stop them from getting to me? It doesn't matter if we're still together or not, I've locked my fate." You try to pull away again.

“I can’t believe I actually have to explain this again…” He pulls you closer as much you try to pull away, then takes a deep breath and looks at you directly in the eyes. “It’s about the risk. Sure, someone will always find a way to hurt you if they really want to, but if they know we’re still dating, it’s one more reason for them to go after you…”

"Yeah. Okay. Whatever." You say quickly and try to pull away once again.

“No. Not ‘whatever.’” he says, still not letting go. He holds onto your hand, and looks at you intensely.

“I get that you’re angry with me, and you have every reason to be, but at least just try to understand me. For me, okay?”

"Sure." You say and escape from his grasp and walk away without another word.

He lets you go, and starts to follow you. “You know… the least you could give me is a thank you.” He calls out to you, though his tone is a bit annoyed. He catches up to you quite quick, and stops in front of you. “Seriously, you don’t get how annoying it is when you won’t listen to me.”

You turn to him abruptly. "Fine. Thank you. For breaking my heart." You turn away again and Miles follows.

He’s still annoyed, of course, and lets out an annoyed chuckle at your ‘thank you’. But he follows closely, getting closer to you. “I still love you, you know.”

"Good for you." You say without looking at him, still walking along the halls of the campus.

“I’m serious.” He says sternly. “Why do you think I broke up with you?” He’s walking alongside you still, keeping a close distance. He’s trying to get you to look at him.

"Because 'you want to protect me'." You say mockingly. "Protect me my ass. Only thing you protected me from is not getting heartbroken."

The edge he was trying to hide before finally shows. His eyes narrow and his teeth grit. “You’re really selfish sometimes… I’m just trying to help you…” He says, still trying to mask the annoyance in his voice.

"Selfish how? Miles I loved you! And you leave me just like that?" You turn towards him aggressively, tears pouring out of your eyes and your voice quivering.

His eyes widen, and his gaze softens again. His face is still annoyed, but you can see guilt in his eyes, and his lips form a slight frown, trying to hold back his words. “I know. I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry, but… I thought it was best for you. You knew how dangerous my life as Spider-Man was. I didn’t feel right about putting you into more danger.”

"Well you got what you want. I'm out of trouble now. Leave me alone." You glare at him, wiping your tears. "If you're gonna break up with me then you might as well keep your distance from me." Miles takes a deep breath.

You can see Miles’ face fill with emotions. Anger, confusion- but it’s replaced by surprise. As he brushes your arm, his gaze immediately shifts to his hand. His fingers slightly close onto your arm, and once again he grabs onto your hand, unwilling to let go again. “I… I’m sorry, but…” he trails off.

"But what, Miles? What more is there?" You huff, tears still pouring out unable to stop.

“I love you.” He says, not even bothering to keep it hidden, and it shows on his face. “I love you, and…”

He’s still not letting go of your hand, but he wants to say more.

You stay quiet, waiting for him to finish.

His voice is soft, but you can still hear the emotions in him. “I’ve been stupid, okay? I thought I was doing it for your sake, but it was for me, and I know it was selfish of me, but… I just couldn’t stay away from you.”

"And you call me selfish." You furrowed your brows at him again.

He sighs, and his grip on your hand tightens even more. “It’s not just because I love you.” He says. “It’s because I can’t live with myself, knowing that I’m not there to protect you, okay? I feel like if we try again, then someone will come after you again. Someone will hurt you.” He looks at you intensely.

"Then let's not." You finally say. "Let me go, Miles. If you're not willing to stay with me despite the circumstances, then let me move on." You wipe your tears away.

He doesn’t let go, and his voice is still soft. “No. You don’t understand, if anything happens to you, if you get hurt or get captured… I can’t forgive myself.” You can see genuine worry and fear on his face.

"We've broken up. Isn't that enough for you? You can keep me safe or whatever from a distance and I'll try to move on and meet other people." You swallow the lump in your throat, tears threatening to fall again.

“No it’s not enough. I can’t stand it.” There’s desperation in his voice. “I know you’re only trying to do what’s best for both of us. But I just can’t do it. I won’t be able to stand it if something happens to you.” He tries to move closer to you, but you’re holding your ground firm.

"Miles." You said, your voice stern. "You broke up with me to 'protect me'. You broke my heart. Let me go. It's over."

His voice cracks. “I don’t care,” he says fiercely. “I still love you, and I’m not letting you go just because I broke your heart.” Once again, he tries to move closer. He looks at you intensely, his grip on your hand tightens.

"If someone after you sees us, I'm just gonna get in trouble. Let. Me. Go. I want to move on."

“I’m sorry, but…” There’s no doubt in your mind that Miles could just take you, if he wanted to. He’s still not letting go. His voice still soft, with desperate glances through his eyes.

He’s not budging.

"But what?? What do you want from me??" You say, anger starting to rise. "Miles, you're confusing me! What exactly do you want??"

“I… I want to get back together,” he whispers desperately, refusing to let go of you. “I want a second chance. I want you. I want to be with you.”

"S.. Second chance? Second chance??? I begged for you to stay and you still broke my heart!"

There’s a slight hint of panic in his eyes, but he still refuses to let go of you. “Okay, look, I know I broke your heart, and I messed up badly.” He takes a deep breath. “I just realized too late that breaking up with you wasn’t what I wanted, okay? Even if there’s still a chance that someone comes after you, I want to be there again, with you.”

"Give it up. I want to move on." Tears start falling again. "You're confusing me. I'm scared.."

The words and emotions hit him hard. “Scared? Of me?” He says, and his grip slackens a bit. “But why?”

He stops trying to force you to look at him, and it’s clear to you that he’s trying to calm you down.

"I don't know what you want... You break up with me but keep chasing after me.. Now you want to get back together? What do you want, Miles? What happens if we get back together and something happens? What then? You're gonna break up with me again?"

“No.” The answer’s immediate. “No, no way. Whatever happens, I won’t break up with you ever again.”

He’s quiet for a second, looking at the ground and thinking. “I can’t promise that you won’t get involved with my hero stuff still, but… I’ll be sure to protect you a lot better.” He then looks up again. “I won’t break up with you ever again, no matter what.”

"You promised me you'll never leave me. But you broke it. And now you want to come back and hurt me again?"

It’s clear that your words sting him. He wants to argue, to tell you that it was for your own sake, but he remains silent for a bit. “I was stupid, okay? I thought being with you was putting you in danger, and not gonna lie, I still think that. But…” He sighs. “I don’t ever want to hurt you again.”

“I don’t know what else to say except that… I love you.”

"Give it up.. Please... I don't want to do this anymore." You pull away and crouch down, your hands cover your face as you cry.

His lips curve down, and his jaw clenches tightly at the sight of your tears. “Come on, no, you can’t do this to me. You can’t just ignore me after everything we’ve been through. We can’t just be strangers after that, I refuse.” He puts his hands on his knees to get closer to you again, wanting to comfort you.

"I can't do this anymore, Miles. I can't take it.. I can't deal with the pain."

He takes a deep breath. “Then let me help ease the pain.” He doesn’t take time to think, and he pulls you into a hug. He doesn’t say anything, but his arms close around you, and you can feel his heat close to you.

“I can’t let you go, I just… I can’t. I love you.”

You sob into his chest, unable to contain the emotions. His heart races. He knows that you’re struggling, and he doesn’t want that for you. His arms squeeze you tighter, and he doesn’t know what else to do besides stay quiet and let you take your time. “I’m sorry it had to be like this; I’m still not sure what to say, but my words won’t change how I feel.” He strokes the back of your head and whispers in your ear, his voice gentle.

“I love you.”

"I l-loved you.. s-so much... And you hurt me... You don't know how many nights I spent crying over you!" You cry and softly hit his chest with your fist.

He closes his eyes tightly, knowing that his words won’t ever mend what he did. In fact, he’s unsure if he should even say anything. But he decides it’s best to be upfront about it. “I know I broke your heart. I know I hurt you. I’m sorry, okay? But please,” he starts to choke with emotion. “I need you to understand that I thought I was doing it for your benefit. It broke my heart knowing I could never come back.” He pulls you closer again, holding you tight.

You continued to cry in his chest not saying anything. You were tired.

He rubs small comforting circles on your back. “If you can’t forgive me, that’s okay, but I can’t let go of you. I love you too much for that. We’ve been through so much together, and I don’t want all of that to go to waste when I’m still so in love with you.” His voice is calm and quiet again, despite his emotions. “So, please…” His eyes look up at you. “Stay with me.”

You don't reply, only your sobs echo through the now empty halls. The bell had rang long ago leaving the both of you alone. His grip still hasn’t loosened. He’s never felt so desperate than right now, his emotions clouding his judgement.

“You’re still crying. Can you at least look at me?” he asks softly, wanting to see your face.

“Look at me.”

You shake your head no in his chest, refusing to look at him.

“Then at least touch me back. Please.” Again, his tone is soft and calm, as if he is in complete control but there is desperation in his voice. Desperate to be with you again. Desperate for any chance you’re willing to give him, to take him back. All the same, he doesn’t push you away again, waiting for your next move.

You grab the shirt on his shoulder and say nothing, only your sobs resounded.

His arm wraps around you, holding you close to his chest once again. The hug’s much tighter this time around, almost as if he doesn’t want you to escape from his grasp. “I need you to know,” he whispers into your ear. “I still love you, and I don’t know what I would do without you.”

"We have to get to class..." You whisper and try to pull away.

“Class can wait.” He sounds more confident when he says that, and even as you try to pull away, his grip’s strong, and he’s not letting you go anytime soon. “I’m not letting you go, okay? I’ll come to your class with you.” You’re almost certain he doesn’t care if he gets in trouble right now as long as you agree to stay with him.

"Miles, we’re late for class.." You whisper softly, sobbing quietly.

He sighs, his grip loosens and he finally lets you go. “Fine, I’ll come to class with you.”

He stands up and offers you a hand, but his eyes are still glued to your face. “You’re still coming home with me tonight, right?” Again, he’s not trying to hide it—this time, he’s desperate you say yes.

"Why..?"

“Why? Why do I want you to come home with me tonight?” He scratches his head. “Hmmm… I wonder why.”

He chuckles softly to himself. “Because I’m lonely. Because I miss your company. Because there’s someone I want to see tonight. No one else understands me the way you do. And I don’t want to be lonely tonight.”

He looks at you intently. “I have no one else but you.”

You look away, tears glistening in your eyes.

“Please, say yes… I can’t be alone tonight.” He looks almost helpless, like he needs you to come with him. “You’re the only one who understands me, and that’s why I need you.” His voice sounds desperate, but the look in his eyes is sincere, like he isn’t manipulating you to feel this way. Or perhaps, that’s what’s making you think twice.

You don't reply and continue avoiding eye contact.

He takes a step closer to you, and for a second, you think he’s about to take your hand again. But instead, he places it under your chin, slowly turning your head towards him. “Please. I… I care for you. I love you, and… I just.” He stares at you, lost for words. “Don’t you think I need you as much as you need me? If you say no, then… I don’t know what to do with myself.”

There was a quiet pause between the two of you until you finally speak up.

"Okay.." You say and look away again.

Miles breathes a sigh of relief. He’s glad that you’re even willing to consider it at this point.

“Then let’s go.” He holds your hand this time, and starts walking towards class, still not taking any chances.

He doesn’t say anything else, and for a moment, neither do you. But eventually, he breaks the silence.

“I won’t break your heart again, okay?”

#fanfic #fanfic writing #x reader #spider-man: across the spider-verse #miles morales #miles morales x reader

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up-in-space-reading · 1 month

Text

Average Weekly Screentime - Chap 4: Study Dates and Movie Not-Dates

pairing: Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago

word count: 3546

warnings/tags: college au, texting, drunk texting, text fic (mostly, there's prose a few chaps in), bets, bisexual!jake peralta, jake peralta has adhd, parties, drinking and alcohol, sexual references, implied sexual content (nothing explicit, just suggested its going to happen/has happened), friends to lovers, swearing, mentions of cannibalism, lighthearted threats of violence (typical rosa stuff yk), fluff CW: At one point in this chapter there's a guy being a bit pushy towards Amy but its over fairly quickly and nothing bad happens.

read on ao3

Average Weekly Screentime masterlist

Story Summary: texting fic college AU with the squad! It's the beginning of the school year and while everyone else thinks it'll be the same as the previous year, Gina has a feeling things are going to be different and wagers a bet with Rosa and Charles. Told through all the various group chats everyone is in.

authors note: Another chapter is here!!! I don't really have much to say about this chapter if I'm honest except that it was a fun one to write!! There's actually some fun little Gina and Charles moments that were very fun to write so I hope you like those too.

Thanks for reading <3

Jimmy Jabbers

[11:32am, Sunday]

Pineapples: how is everyone this fine morning??

Four Eyes: It’s far from a fine morning, it’s absolutely freezing outside Four Eyes: Also my head hurts

Pineapples: you and me both ames

Four Eyes: I was thinking of going to Sal’s for a greasy breakfast and coffee

Pineapples: great idea! Pineapples: count me in

Queen G: calm down u two Queen G: im also in Queen G: ily sal

RoRo: same

Pineapples: that u love sal?

RoRo: I’ll hit you

Mr Grapes: count me in for greasy breakfast too! Mr Grapes: gotta have the party debrief

Dance Squad

[11:37am, Sunday]

G-Hive: well that’s a new development

Scary: elaborate?

G-Hive: ‘ames’ G-Hive: a nickname

Scary: right Scary: is ur life THAT boring gina?

G-Hive: i will end u

Scary: i’d love to see u try

Amy sat up in bed with a groan, her muscles aching after the hours of dancing and the cold walk home in heels. Her head was hurting, the light peeking through her curtains just a bit too bright for comfort. She stretched and mentally went through her routine to get ready: pain killers, brush teeth, get dressed, do hair. Makeup was not going to happen today she had decided quickly, and she was sure the left-over black eyeliner hugging her lash line was sufficient to convey an illusion of effort.

She moved about her dorm going through the process of getting ready, making sure to wear some layers as a cautionary look at the weather report told her that she would need to rug up. A part of her made the rest of her feel guilty for not showering but she wanted to be ready quickly to go out, and she wasn’t ready to part with the curls Gina had crafted just yet. So to preserve them a bit longer Amy tied her hair up into a ponytail.

It wasn’t long after she’d finished tying her hair up she got a message from Jake.

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[11:58am, Sunday]

Ferris: u ready?

Cameron: Yep!

Jimmy Jabbers

[11:59am, Sunday]

Pineapples: whos ready??

Queen G: rosa and i are

Mr Grapes: mee!

Four Eyes: Ready

Pineapples: meet at sals? Pineapples: usual table?

Queen G: k

Mr Grapes: yep

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[12:03pm, Sunday]

Ferris: im outside ur building

Cameron: I thought we were meeting there?

Ferris: i got too excited and left early

Cameron: Haha okay, on my way out now

Amy put her hoodie on and zipped it up, she then quickly wrapped her scarf loosely around her neck and was about to walk out of her door when she suddenly remembered the jacket hanging over her desk chair.

Without thinking, she put it on over her hoodie and ran out the door shrugging her bag onto her shoulder. The elevator ride was quick and walking through the building Amy noticed a few others who seemed to be nursing hangovers from an eventful Saturday night.

She met up with Jake outside who seemed to give her a once over before prompting the beginning of their walk, Amy didn’t question the look he gave her and chalked it up to being hungover. They chatted about nothing in particular as they made the short walk to Sal’s.

Walking through the door they were hit with a strong gust of warm air, the heating having been turned up to accommodate for the weather outside. Rosa, Gina and Charles had already gotten there and were getting comfortable in their usual booth.

Jake called out to them as he and Amy walked through the diner towards the table, Charles turned around to greet Jake back. His face lit up when he saw the two of them and Amy thought it was nice how close Jake and Charles were.

Charles quickly turned back around in his seat and Gina raised an eyebrow at him before composing herself again. Charles shuffled down the booth so Jake and Amy could slide in, Jake sitting in the middle and Amy on the edge.

She quickly got warm in the diner and moved to take Jake’s jacket off, handing it back to him.

“Sorry, forgot to give you this earlier” She said as she handed it to him.

“Ain’t no thang” He placed it on the seat between the two of them as Amy gave him a weird look in response to him.

Dance Squad

[12:10pm, Sunday]

Charlese: have mercy on me Charlese: he gave her his jacket Charlese: that’s his favourite jacket

G-Hive: what does it MEAN charles

Scary: I think you know exactly what it means gina

G-Hive: but he hasnt even said anything about liking a girl G-Hive: let alone AMY G-Hive: he usually overshares about that stuff

Charlese: he definitely would’ve told me by now

Scary: you two are exhausting

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[12:11pm, Sunday]

Cameron: Rosa, Gina, and Charles are texting each other aren’t they?

Ferris: we can only assume so Ferris: so rude tbh

The five of them ordered their greasy breakfasts and a boat load of coffee, talking about the party and how everyone’s night went. Charles began oversharing about his evening with a girl before a round of disgusted responses got him to ease up with the details.

Gina and Rosa (primarily Gina) recapped every detail leading up to and during the argument some two random guys were having which caused them to leave. Then Jake and Amy were asked how their night went, Amy almost began blushing and felt embarrassed to answer but she didn’t know why. All she did was play beer pong with Jake and the others, then dance with Jake, then walk home with Jake, and borrowed Jake’s jacket-

Oh.

“I’m just gonna run to the bathroom” She excused herself from the table quickly while Jake recounted the beer pong game for Gina.

While in the bathroom she tried to get her head straight, convincing herself now wasn’t the time to think about these sorts of things because she was hungover and tired. For now she moved all the thoughts of her night with Jake to the back of her mind, glad that they were still talking about beer pong when she returned to the table.

After a while and checking the time Amy decided to go back to her dorm and do some reading, wanting to at least feel mildly productive today. Everyone agreed they all had things they needed to do, so they all paid and left the diner, walking back to campus in the cold.

They went their separate ways towards their dorms and Amy almost felt lonely going up the path towards her building without Jake by her side, cracking jokes and bouncing on his toes with excitement over a new would you rather question he thought of.

Once back in her dorm she sighed heavily, getting out a book, putting on some music and settling on her bed to read.

Dance Squad

[04:06pm, Sunday]

G-Hive: do we need a debrief orrr??

Charlese: a debrief would be fantastic

Scary: you two are way too heavily invested in our friends love lives Scary: they’re gonna do what they’re gonna do and in their own time Scary: what they tell us and what they don’t is up to them, give them some space and have some boundaries Scary: don’t be weird and don’t be creepy

Charlese: …

G-Hive: … jeez rosa G-Hive: charles call me in 10 we gotta talk

Charlese: will do!

Scary: unbelievable

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[04:19pm, Sunday]

Ferris: just asked charles if he wanted to watch a movie and he said no bc he is on the phone to GINA

Cameron: That’s so weird, what are they talking about?

Ferris: he wouldnt tell me!

Cameron: That is very unlike either of them Cameron: It’s probably nothing, don’t stress about it

Ferris: hm okay

Jimmy Jabbers

[06:12pm, Monday]

Pineapples: okay Pineapples: what is the message u would send to signify you were kidnapped

Mr Grapes: McDonalds is the best food ever

RoRo: the colour pink is underrated

Queen G: Beyonce is overrated

Four Eyes: Books are for nerds

Pineapples: mine is Pineapples: i love making the bed

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[07:32pm, Monday]

Ferris: really wish i had some soup yk

Cameron: My mom makes the best soups; I’m looking forward to going home for the holidays and eating as much of it as possible

Ferris: brag much! Ferris: if there is leftover ill happily accept

Cameron: Haha, with all of my brothers that’s a very big IF

Ferris: how many brothers do u have??

Cameron: Seven

Ferris: JEEEEZ Ferris: no wonder you are the way you are

Cameron: What’s that supposed to mean!?

Ferris: ur SO competitive Ferris: me too tbf

Cameron: Can’t argue with you on that one..

Ferris: i tell it like it is

Cameron: Sure you do Pineapples

Ferris: the horrors never end :(

[02:10pm, Tuesday]

Cameron: Are you on your way yet? Cameron: I’m at our usual table

Ferris: sorry omw Ferris: couldnt find the right notebook

“I said I’m not really interested right now, I’m just trying to study” Amy said for the third time to the guy sitting across the table from her, getting increasingly agitated at his persistence and praying Jake would show up soon.

Her prayers were answered when she saw Jake walk in and spot her, at first looking happy to see her before his expression changed. He could tell immediately that something was wrong and made a beeline for the table as quick as he could without running through the library.

“Jake, you’re here, hi” Amy quickly cut off the guy who just began talking again.

“Hi Ames, is everything alright?” He sat down next to Amy and was quickly looking back and forth between her and the guy who was now confused and angry at Jake’s presence.

“I was just asking her out because I think she’s pretty” The guy cut in, not letting Amy answer.

A look of understanding crossed Jake’s face.

“Well as her boyfriend I’m not sure I can support that” He put an arm around Amy’s shoulders as he said this and her eyes widened in surprise.

She hoped against everything that Jake didn’t notice the heat creep up her neck, she could hear her heartbeat in her ears as her brain was running through a million different emotions all at once.

The guy scoffed and walked away from the table, leaving Amy to sigh a breath of relief. Jake removed his arm from around her and she was disappointed at the loss of warmth and weight.

“Well he sucked” Jake commented after a few moments of silence, trying to break the tension.

Amy exhaled quickly through her nose in response.

“Yeah he did” A few more moments of silence passed as Jake got his things out of his bag, “thanks for that, I appreciate it” She continued, quieter than before.

“It’s fine” Jake shrugged it off, opening his books and laptop, spreading everything out across the table.

The two of them worked for roughly 10 minutes in comfortable silence aside from the clatter of laptop keyboards and the clicking of pens. Suddenly Jake stopped with a halt, putting down his pen and leaning down to rummage through his bag.

“I completely forgot, I brought lunch”

He pulled two sandwiches out of his bag, handing one to Amy.

“You got subs? Lunch was meant to be on me today” Amy protested with a smile, remembering their banter from the weekend.

“Next week it’s on you, then” He responded, waving a hand in dismissal.

He went to open the sub and begin eating it right there over his books and it made Amy cringe but she let him be, knowing her objections wouldn’t make a difference.

They spent a few hours at the library studying until it got dark, Jake frequently asked Amy questions about the work and she was happy to answer all of them.

She wore a small smile on her face the entire way back until she got in her dorm room and realised what she was doing. She then proceeded to scream into her pillow and flail around until she was satisfied she’d gotten her feelings out, feeling childish afterwards.

Her feelings for Jake was something she simply chose to not think about, because having feelings for Jake was complicated and Amy’s never done well with complicated that wasn’t related to school work.

There was also no way Jake liked her back, they were way too different.

He wished he could go one day without thinking about her. She was the most beautiful plague on his mind, half of him wanted a cure but the other half enjoyed the symptoms far too much.

His jacket smelled like her, his notebooks had her red pen marking throughout them, and his camera roll full of memes that he found just for her.

At first it was a feeling he was able to deny, but slowly the feelings crept up on him, slow enough that he hadn’t noticed until one day it hit him like a truck. The feeling made him sit down with his head in his hands, wondering how he could possibly develop a crush on one of his closest friends.

Charles had been saying since day one that Jake and Amy were meant for each other, and now Jake couldn’t believe he was actually right. If Jake ever told anyone, Charles would swoop in with the advice of a declaration of love like and happily ever after.

But Jake couldn’t do that, Amy didn’t like him back and how would they even work they’re such different people. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship.

Jake Peralta was head over heels for Amy Santiago and had no idea what to do about it.

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[07:03pm, Thursday]

Cameron: Looking at the assignments you have left and how much time, you’re 100% gonna get it all finished

Ferris: you think so???

Cameron: Absolutely!

Ferris: ur the best ames

Cameron: It’s nothing.. Cameron: You’re the one who did all the work

Ferris: im gonna have a nice relaxing winter break

Cameron: And then back to it in the new year

Ferris: dont remind me

Cameron: If it’s any consolation part of me is dreading going home

Ferris: what about the soup?

Cameron: The soup is great, the busy household with no privacy is less than great

Ferris: fair enough Ferris: feeling lucky im an only child Ferris: but my mom cant cook like urs

Cameron: You’ve never had my moms cooking?

Ferris: i dream of it Ferris: i dream of soup ames

Cameron: Of course, haha

[05:42pm, Saturday]

Ferris: what r ur saturday plans

Cameron: Dinner soon, then study, maybe a movie if I have time Cameron: Why?

Ferris: forget that mess Ferris: im getting take out and watching a movie Ferris: join me plleaasseeee

Cameron: Not that I don’t want to, but what about Charles?

Ferris: on a date with the girl from the party Ferris: im proud of him

Cameron: Good on him Cameron: Okay, I’ll finish this up and head over Cameron: Do you want me to bring the big fluffy blanket?

Ferris: dumb question Ferris: obviously bring it

[06:03pm, Saturday]

Cameron: Coming over now!

Ferris: see uuuuu

The Night Boys

[09:23pm, Saturday]

Deathblade: hows the date going?!

Sidewinder: AMAZING Sidewinder: we both go to the same restaurants around the city and she loves dogs Sidewinder: I think she might be the one

Deathblade: thats great charles!!! Deathblade: use protection!!

Sidewinder: WILL DO JAKEY

Jimmy Jabbers

[09:48pm, Saturday]

Pineapples: if u disagree when i say one of the hottest looks of all time is Patrick Swayze in dirty dancing then ur not my friend

Queen G: out of nowhere but an important message thank u jake

Pineapples: i only speak the truth

RoRo: swayze’s hot

Four Eyes: I never said he wasn’t hot, Jake, can you let it go!

Pineapples: not until i get vindication

Four Eyes: Get off your phone and watch the movie please

Pineapples: fine

Dance Squad

[09:56pm, Saturday]

Scary: yeah somethings going on

G-Hive: YES ROSA

[07:23pm, Monday]

*G-Hive started a video call* *Charlese joined the call* *Scary joined the call*

Gina: Heeeeeey

Charles: Hi Gina! Hey Rosa!

Rosa: What do you want?

Gina: I wanted to talk to the only two people who care about Jake and Amy-

Charles: Peraltiago, that’s their names combined-

Gina: Boyle! You’re ruining the fun of it!

Rosa: There shouldn’t be fun to speculating as to whether two of our friends are gonna bang

Gina: If that isn’t fun then what even is fun, Rosa?

Rosa: Knives

Charles: Just knives?

Rosa: Just knives

Gina: Ignoring that. Can you believe they were watching a movie together? Without us! I’m almost offended we didn’t get an invite

Charles: To be fair, I was on a date so I couldn’t have gone anyway

Gina: Don’t even talk to me about how you had a date on Saturday and I spent the whole night in my dorm alone

Rosa: Didn’t you get the DJ’s number from the party?

Gina: OH MY GOD! Rosa thank you for the reminder, texting him literally as soon as we’re done here!

Charles: What are we doing here exactly, Gina?

Gina: Great question Charles. We’re here because I’m bored and want to do anything other than more goddamn school work

Charles: Fair enough. Did you see Amy wearing his jacket last week?

Gina: He has a weird attachment to that thing and seemed perfectly fine giving it up to Amy for however long? He literally wears it everywhere!

Charles: Everywhere! And he just let Amy have it for at least 12 hours, that’s gotta mean something

Gina: I hate how much you get me Charles

Charles: Sorry

Rosa: Have you guys ever considered that they like each other?

Gina: Of course we have Rosa

Charles: Only ever since the two of them met

Rosa: I’m going to indulge you for a minute, and then I am leaving this conversation. Stop gasping for god sake.

Charles: Sorry

Rosa: The two of them clearly like each other, they’re both stubborn and competitive and weird. One day they’re gonna talk and figure it out, and its not up to us to interfere with whatever weird flirting friendship thing they have going on.

Charles: I might start crying

Gina: I hate to say it but me too

Rosa: Great, now I’m going. Bye.

*Scary left the video call*

Gina: Now that she’s gone, I gotta tell you what Sasha in my analytics class said today!

Charles: Dish!

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[04:05pm, Wednesday]

Cameron: You’ve been out of class for five minutes and still not given me an update regarding the assignments? Cameron: Keeping me on the edge of my seat here haha

Ferris: well ames… Ferris: idk how to break it to you

Cameron: What happened?

Ferris: I GOT A 70% Ferris: I HANDED EVERYTHING IN AND I PASSED Ferris: this semester at least

Cameron: JAKE THAT’S AMAZING Cameron: I knew you could do it!

Ferris: i wouldnt have been able to if it wasnt for u

Cameron: That’s not entirely true, you were the one who did all the work

Ferris: but u helped and encouraged me Ferris: so im thanking you Ferris: just accept it

Cameron: Fine… you’re welcome

Ferris: ur gonna hate the next bit tho Ferris: im sure u remember our stakes

Cameron: Oh no…

Ferris: if not ill refresh ur memory Ferris: amy santiago Ferris: will u go to terrys new years party with me AND match me drink for drink

Cameron: Yes, Jake Peralta, I will go to Terry’s new years party with you and match you drink for drink

Ferris: SHE SAID YES LADIES AND GENTS

Cameron: Hahaha Cameron: Tread lightly, I have a number of nieces and nephews who will gladly get me sick right before the big event if you’re not careful

Ferris: ames how DARE you threaten to betray me Ferris: and after all the work ive done

Cameron: Hahahaha

Jimmy Jabbers

[04:15pm, Wednesday]

Pineapples: good afternoon everyone! Pineapples: whos planning on going to terrys nye party??

Queen G: im absolutely there

Mr Grapes: it’s still a week and a half away but yeah I’ll probably be there

RoRo: idk RoRo: if I’m not doing anything else

Pineapples: @Four Eyes and ur answer?

Four Eyes: …yes I’ll be there…

Pineapples: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Pineapples: whats that sound? its the sound of victory

Four Eyes: Whatever you say, pineapples

Mr Grapes: hahaha pineapples is still funny

Queen G: cool it mr grapes

Mr Grapes: aw..

[03:30pm, Friday]

Four Eyes: I’m heading home for the next two weeks now. I hope you all have a great holidays!

Mr Grapes: you too amy!

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[03:31pm, Friday]

Ferris: wait im not gonna get to say goodbye to u?

Cameron: Sorry, I thought I’d have a chance but I ran out of time

Ferris: thats okay Ferris: have a good holiday ames :)

Cameron: You too, Jake :)

authors note: And so we end it just as the holidays begin! I loved writing the dynamic between Gina, Charles, and Rosa this chapter; especially Gina and Charles! idk why but I just have this feeling that Charles and Gina would love gossiping together, and being the two really openly rooting for Amy and Jake I feel like would cause them to be a little bit closer in that way.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'll try to have the next one out as soon as I can!! Thanks for reading <3

#alice writes #jake peralta x amy santiago #jake peralta #amy santiago #gina linetti #rosa diaz #charles boyle #fluff #college!au #bisexual!jake peralta #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #multi chap #average weekly screentime

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notmyprey · 6 months

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I hope it’s ok if I send another ask. I really liked how you answered my first one.

anyway what do you think about humanoid preds. Like nagas or centaurs or merfolk? There’s plenty of other half animal ones or even just anthros. I myself like half humans cause then you can mess with familiar anatomy. Whoops rambled myself.

Hope you’re having a nice day!

Goodness, sorry for taking so long to reply!!! Im always more than happy to answer asks!!!!

Personally, I tend to prefer preds that are mostly human shape, or vaguely human, but altered a bit. So, for instance, giants, gods, monsters that resemble humans until they open their mouth and they unfold into a terrifying creature, or things that are mostly humans, but have to hide some part of them with clothes or makeup/special effects to look human (like extra mouth or eyes that are blood red), etc.

I think I like em its cause I kinda accidentally tend to give them ~abandonment issues~ but I think thats a me mental issue so- moving on!

On the topic of specifically half animal preds, though, I think they can be good. I just think some are overused, specifically normal nagas.

But if they are altered/different, I tend to like them better. Like, for instance, I have a character idea for a naga who can heal by eating ppl. They only have one stomach, which is in their human half, but its not the thing that can heal. Their intestines do.

They also dont eat normal food, so the intestines aren't full of gross stuff. And they have a mouth like opening on the tip of their tail that sits along the spine that opens to let the prey out, so none of the uhm, ya know... stuff....

(side note: not that ppl cant like that stuff, or that those who do are bad or anything. I just personally have sensory and ~other~ issues that make it an uncomfortable topic for me).

Another thing is that technically, the naga is able to get the prey out of their intestines without waiting for them to get to the tip of their tail, but it causes severe internal bleeding for them when forcing them back up.

But it makes the naga and prey think abt- is this injury worth it for them to sit in (the nagas) intestines for a few hours?

I also have a character in that story who has an issue with letting people help them, along with their claustrophobia. So after getting drastically injured (their spine breaks) they are gulped down by the naga. After maybe 10 minutes they're healed, and are now fully conscious. But they are getting claustrophobic, and end up lashing out and stabbing the naga with their knife (from inside ofc). That causes the naga to force them back up, causing the naga to be hurt now both from internal bleeding and a knife wound.

Dw, things work out fine, apologies and bandaids help.

But ya! Half humans are fun!! Love em!!

#safe vore #sfw vore #soft vore

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fruchtfleisch-art · 1 year

Note

i hope im not too late. microfic prompt request: whenever you're around, i never know how to act. woman, just what did you do to me?

This one got... strange... I started thinking about the transformative power of love, read a few Glen Cook short stories, remembered I had half-jokingly made a Black Company AU where Kira is a giant vampire wereleopard, and got the maddening urge to write about transformation in a more literal sense.

That is quite a journey! I hope this turned out enjoyable, or at least semi-coherent, haha.

Kirashino microfic #5/?: "Whenever you're around, i never know how to act. Woman, just what did you do to me?"

A day like any other. Shinobu took a bucket of washing water out to dump in the back alley, in need of an excuse to flee the heat and damp, the chafing presence of her useless, worthless, good-for-nothing husband. She didn’t notice the new odor under the usual ripe reek of warm garbage until it was too late. A sharp smell, like spice. Shinobu rounded the corner. The bucket fell from nerveless fingers. Crouching in the alleyway was a leopard as big as a draft horse, a primordial nightmare conjured from the blackest depths of the human hindbrain. Its skull alone spanned wider than her outstretched hands. A fuzzy, spreading calm came over her as it heaved itself to its feet with a coughing growl. Her own death, once a distant maybe, now drew so close she could see its grinning reflection in the cat’s pale eyes. The leopard only made only a half-assed lunge towards her before sinking back on its haunches, panting hard. When she gathered enough courage to open her eyes again, it was obvious why. It was hurt, badly. Loose clumps of black fur littered the alleyway like thunderheads in miniature. The left paw was a mangled stump. An arrow of fearsome length skewered the limb further up, entering the shoulder and emerging from the underarm. Somebody or something had tried to kill the cat, and mostly done their job. If she retreated back inside and waited, it would be soon adding its stink to the garbage heap it was squatting in. Back to the silence, the tedium, the pointed looks, the argument she grown too contemptuous to finish… Shinobu moved towards the leopard in tiny, cautious steps. It growled again, but showed no inclination to move. “I won’t hurt you,” she told it, hoping it would understand her intention, if not her words. She reached out and smoothed a hand over dark, coarse fur. Working slowly down from the neck, she reached the place where the arrowhead protruded. It was worse, up close like this. The fine etching on the face of the arrowhead was rimed in blackened crud. A constellation of hairless, crusted sores denotated places where the tip had rubbed against the leopard’s flank, like ringworm rash’s bigger, nastier brother. Touching it made Shinobu’s head buzz and her stomach twist in a sour knot, but no sores erupted on her skin. She didn’t drop dead. Now what? The who and what and why of what had happened were a mystery, but powerful forces had been at work while she was wasting her drab little life away indoors. Somebody had imbued this arrow with enough power to drop a monster cat, to kill it slowly and painfully, but only after they had thrashed it to within an inch of its life. Assuming it really was a cat. It had stopped growling when she touched the arrow. Now it just watched. Shinobu grasped under the shaft, pulling sideways as hard as she could. The buzz in her head rose to a skull-splitting whine, until the wood splintered and it cut off with a pop. She was left holding a truly wicked broadhead coated in leopard gunk. She tossed it away without bothering to see where it landed. The leopard sighed. It almost sounded human. “That feels better, doesn’t it?” She managed to suppress a flinch as it lowered its battered muzzle, drew its barbed tongue over her arm in a long, rasping stroke. The top layer of skin was gone before she even felt the sting. She scratched it behind the ears, feeling strangely pleased. “Good kitty. Nice kitty.” --- “There’s an animal out in the alleyway,” Shinobu told her useless, worthless, good-for-nothing husband as he bandaged her bleeding arm. “Can you go chase it off? It was big.” --- Two days later, something like her husband stood at the threshold of their home. So it wasn’t a cat after all. It wasn’t a half-bad imitation. He’d gotten everything right but the eyes. “Well?” she said. Playing coy. Trying not to sound too excited. “Come on in. Don’t be a stranger.”

#jojo's bizarre adventure #kira yoshikage #yoshikage kira #kirashino #shinobu kawajiri #girl! don't Androcles and the Lion that stinky alley cat! you don't know where he's been!!!#this is not so much a crossover as me spreading a schmear of mr. cook's style over a very silly idea lmao #aping a better writer's style was so much fun... i will do this again someday #there is also one (1) malazan book of the fallen reference in here. if you find it we are friends for life

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echo-is-bat · 8 months

Text

Hi I’m echo (or bat is fine too)! I use He/they/it. I’m arospec, pan ace demiboy. There’s quite a few things going on here:

Otherkin/therian stuff:

I’m a psychological otherkin

Kintypes: still sorta figuring it out, but for now I’m: Godkin, Alienkin, catkin and dragonkin

Heart-types: windhearted, robothearted, sharkhearted

Agere/petre:

I petre/agere, for fun and to cope with stress and not having a male childhood, usually to younger versions of my kin-type when pet regression or between ages 3-8, but I’m always big when on here.

Selfship

I may also reblog some self ship stuff, I have like four romantic F/Os and a quite a handful of platonics, familials, etc too. I’m fine with sharing all of them, but since I know others don’t I won’t name them. I Selfship mostly for fun and comfort. All Selfship things are sfw

There may be a few more things I’ll reblog or post but these are the main things. I may add to the

No real DNI other than what you’d expect (homophobia, racists, etc), but don’t come here to debate my identity, im here for fun and not drama, I don’t care if I’m cringe, I’m having fun and coping with stress without hurting anyone. (Also no proship as it makes me very uncomfortable). Feel free to spam reblog and like.

(By the way, I had an old account. If anyone recognises Zaiax, that me! Tumblr deleted my account so moved here)

I moreso reblog than actually post, though maybe once in a blue moon I may make some posts. All reblogs here are SFW

#alienkin #black catkin #catkin #dragonkin #wind deitykin #deitykin #robothearted #windhearted #intro post #sfw agere #age regressor #agere #pet regression #sfw petre #pet regressor #petre #platonic selfship #self ship

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astranite · 1 year

Text

vent post because I am a mess and i've just got to stick it all somewhere. I don't even know what or why I'm putting it here. Just there is way too much inside my head.

(trying to stick all of my intensely personal bullshit under a cut)

Just a whole pile of stuff. (this isnt even the half of it). A whole bunch of things I thought i was okay about but maybe I'm really not. And that maybe my whole scale of okayness is kinda fucked up. And i seem to randomly swing from telling myself this is fine to no wait its all pretty fucked up. Basically that meme of the dog in the on fire house going this is fine. Welcome to everything is on fire but we're not freaking out about it because we're past that point. But sometimes it feels honestly okay and then something else hits.

Nothing in my life is even that bad. I'm getting my shit together. Its probably better than it has been in a while (or maybe its not, i dont know). I'm making positive progress towards the future. I drafted a job application. I'm trying to unfuck my tertiary studies. I literally keep telling myself I'm an adult, even though I feel like a fuck up kid still.

I just want to move the hell out. So I'm making steps towards it. Not because its bad, bad. More conflicting access needs I guess. And I feel trapped here and on guard and responsible for everything. Or Im just a problem or have problems because clearly everyone else is fine but that's probably not a great way to think.

Not sure what I'm feeling right now. Actually mostly just numb and vaguely ill. Yay for crushing down all your emotions until you can't feel them any more. Because, yeah, I can't be upset about things. It scares and worries people and I'm already way too intense.

And when I do it, i seem calm and fine to people, and hey neither crying nor panicking has be a good thing. Except I'm blank when I know I'm upset or would be, and its not fine. Honestly probably a bit messed up. Huh.

(I know its not good for me. I am so very aware of this) (i know hiding stuff is literally one of my biggest 'things are getting bad' red flags)

I'd probably be way more okay if I was crying and yelling and getting mad about stuff. Instead of just quietly, calmly imploding. Or walking around and smiling and acting normal. (its only sometimes, not all the time. And just happens to be right now)

Also past shit keeps metaphorically walking up to me, and maybe I didn't process it great. because its evidently still bothering me even though its years ago.

(Yes, realising some of this stuff was a That moment when you're writing and you realise that wow character has a whole bunch of issues. Then that was at least 50-70% me.)

I do keep picking myself up from the floor over and over because I'm too stubborn not to.

Also: I'm so sick of being misgendered by family. Like they do support me and are trying with different pronouns. But getting it right barely any of the time. And if I call them out on it to correct them, then they get upset. So I just have to put up with it silently, and yeah, she's trying, so I feel like I can't be upset about it but it still hurts, and maybe its not good enough. And I don't even know whether I could change my name, at least not without upsetting peopl, I've been told "please don't change you name, I like your name" but I don't even know if it feels like me. It's like people are supportive, but being nonbinary or trans or anything isn't actually a valid option. They/them isn't that hard if you practice it and even if it is it's still very much important to me. And none of them think of me as such which is maybe the problem. Except my friends, who actually do get it right which is nice.

I guess I'm struggling. And also all my friends and family have way too much of their own stuff going on.

So stupid vent post yelling into the void, it is then. Maybe I'm just being dramatic about it all.

I'd say I'm okay and don't worry (if anyone's even fucking reading this) but that would probably be more concerning. But I'll survive this like I survived every other fucking thing the universe has thrown at me.

(and I will and have asked for help, so stuff is at least sort of getting sorted, because this is not my first mental health rodeo.)

#AstraStuff #I dont know what the fuck this all is at this point #just that writing this is probably better than just rotating in around in my head #like a particularly messed up microwave #there is very much a temptation to delete this but instead here i am throwing it to the void

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princess-pill-enjoyer · 2 years

Text

I didn't think I'd really need to come back here after everything. It's so stupid. My dad has given me my own weed and it is way stronger than the pills. So many different ways it affects me. But I've been mostly sober since the attempt that started all this. Ig partially out of respect.. I feel like it wouldn't be fair to my parents if I continue my junkie ways after they had to listen to me scream and yell about how I felt trapped and then when things open up, boom still doing it

I dunno if that makes sense tbh.. lemme know ik I suck at explaining things correctly.

Anyway I've been sober 99% of the time since. I kinda don't like smoking as much now. It made my teeth hurt and I hallucinate when I get high. It's nothing crazy no where near as vivid the dph hallucinations get ofc. Tho it still scares me so bad. It can range anywhere to a few small & constant noises that makes everything hard to hear unless I'm focusing to hallucinations that put me in a state of delusion. I get so scared about ts I can't move. 9 times out of 10 I get this weird feeling someone or something is there and if I make a sound they'll come up to me. Those are the worst feeling ones dude I know there's no reason for me to assume anything is there but I just stiff up and cry as quietly as I can until I can work up the courage to check if they're "still there"

I used to do that when I was coming down from benadryl actually. I'd be too forgetful to be scared of anything like that mid high but all hell broke once it was wearing off

It makes me so annoyed. It makes me wonder if that's something I'll just have to deal with from here on or should I just stay sober from here on and hope for the best. It all makes me miss the pills so fucking bad. I was taking those for so long and it just felt like I knew pretty much anyway they'd effect me atp. It was straightforward

Dph made my heartbeat harder -> also made my heart sore when I'm not on it

The pills dehydrated me -> annnd if I took it too far, I'd go acidic and jaundice (which im ngl happened way more often than I wanted to admit.. when I tried to od again in December I was quite literally neon!)

Taking so many at once making my stomach have to dissolve anywhere from four to high twenties worth of pills at a time -> which led my stomach to get irritated and eager to get that shit out and made various issues there

But now? What. I don't even have anyway to measure so it's just a thing of.. o guess it kicked in, ig I can't hear rn. Oop dang ig I got too high now I physically have to focus on not freaking out over something that is not fucking happening. Oh what ig these stupid fucking edibles make my head hurt instead of making me high. Fun!!

I'm so over this shit. Im trying so hard to stay away. I didn't like dph after a while. You can scroll back and see so many things I hated about it. And yet I think about it every single day. I miss it so much. I used to be able to take a few pills and then poof blank out for a little while. As long as I took care after the fact, I'd be mostly fine. But now I have to deal with the unpredictability of my own mind or whatever nonsense I have to feel when I smoke/eat edibles

R has been really bumpy for me too. I don't know why like.. I've really been happy about our friendship lately. I feel like seeing how fucked up I had to be to my parents to make them listen gave me a new appreciation for her. I haven't blown up at her in a while but omfg I've done it a lot throughout our time together. Tho, she's still here for me. Nothing really changed. And I love her for that. I'm really just a random person online fr. At any point she could just decide she's fed up with me and ghost. But she endured my nonsense and still pushed me to look at things different. I never know how to bring that up without sounding like it's a romantic thing

Which has been eating at me so bad as of late. I don't know what th I feel towards her. If im still in love I wouldn't be shocked but it feels different from how I felt before the whole blowup a lil bit after she broke up with her ex. She's my safe space but she is also kinda fucked up to me sometimes. But I really can't help myself. I still worry about her all the time, I genuinely try to know everything and anything going on with her wherever possible, and I let so much go unspoken not blowing up and trying to keep her perspective in mind where I can.. I want her to not have to worry sm I hate that my presence has become a double edged sword. I love her so much it's become overbearing and hard to hide. I know it makes her feel pressure to hide stuff to keep up appearances/impressions. Shit sucks. It makes me feel like I'm in a parent's position atp..

Tho all that being said I feel like she still interprets my actions as some elaborate way to make her like me. Or me tryna be nice so that she falls in love with me. Some shit. And ik that sounds so paranoid and baseless but its been a pattern atp.

Everytime I get cheery and tryna treat her like ya know, my best friend, its like she takes that shit diff and mentions her ex as a way to tell me to back off. And I don't get it. Like no dummy I'm not excitedly talking about shit to lure you in YOU ARE MY FRIEND. MY CLOSESTTT. I know that she won't judge me for me and since she knows me so well, I rarely have to give too much of a backstory to talk about anything. It's nice. And I guess I abuse that privilege a lot. Maybe I should be better about not running to her about everything. But then like me being concerned and interested about what she's up to makes her do it as well. She briefly got with someone else (they've already broken up she ain't getting a codename 🥴) and I noticed her using her for that purpose too for a bit. Well. Before she got annoyed with her existence lolol

But yeah anyway like.. has that pattern already been there and I haven't noticed? Am I overthinking this action too hard and twisting it? It's frustrating me so bad cause I don't get why she interprets it like that. Am I just so oblivious I don't see how obviously in love I am and she's tryna push me out of that...? Or is she being self destructive and can't view my love as anything but manipulation.

Confessing to her has become one of my biggest regrets. It changed so much I hate myself for believing I was in lala land. Stupid fucking girl. All I could see was how much I liked talking wth her and it just slipped out. I didn't realize just how many fucking consequences it'd bring after the fact. I feel like im constantly dancing around shit. I wish I never said anything. Im so tired of having to study my every action to make sure I don't seem too eager to speak. I forget it happened some days but it feels like that's all she sees me as. I don't understand what to do atp. I don't want to lose her, we are completely ride or die aside from this. But my GOD I CANT TAKE IT. I feel like it's become such a giant elephant and it's going to rift everything once it's brought up. I don't want to piss her off and lose her for good

Between her and my ex.. I lowkey think I'm done with the whole romance thing this feeling is the absolute worst. Any time I express that myself in that way I come out of it feeling so stupid. It stings so much worse this time around. Least with my ex even though the shit only lasted a few months IT HAPPENED. I feel crazy feeling this exact same stupid feeling with someone I haven't even dated before. And for me to feel WORSE.. HOW?? I've avoided dating specifically so I wouldn't feel this way and then I stumbled and did the shit AGAIN! Let myself fall into even deeper feelings with someone that didn't even like me. Again. And I'm stinging worse than I ever was before. Crazy. I hope I never like anyone again.

I've been feeling blank as of late. Even with my family life improving and my health improving I still feel empty. The same I did before. It feels like now I'm performing a different role, but still feel the same. It felt so good to have everything in the open and finally dropping dph for good (probably) originally. But I really feel no better now that the dust has settled. Everything just shifted some

I try to be more open and honest about myself and what I feel but the central issues I don't know how to express. It feels unfair to air that shit out to R, my family or any of my friends since I know I won't believe them. It's so easy to say the right thing. So easy to assure me you love me. You care. But do you mean it? Or are you saying it because that's what you're "expected" to say and do? I dont trust a word out any of their mouths when it comes to shit like that. Looking at their unconscious actions and how and what they say feels like the most honest view of their thoughts. And a whole lot of that made me feel the way I feel. What's words going to fix when I can physically SEEE AND HEAR all the shit proving otherwise replaying in my head? Why listen to you try to cover your own ass when the evidence is already there? We both see the cards on the table. There's no point trying to sway me into looking at them different.

But I feel bad not being able to shake that sense. I know part of my thinking is irrational. It's fucked up I can't listen and change my view. It's like theyre speaking to a brick wall. It's almost like they can never fuck up since I can't let ts go once I've noticed it. I try to keep myself together because of that. I hate the grandiose acting I have to do to get through the day

I won't lie. I really sit there and wish I would've died that day. It's like ever since that last time ever since I got all my ducks in a row and decided I'm okay with no taking part in life, it suddenly made everything feel tedioussss. It gets on my nerves so bad I've been so angry. I wish I would've just kept my mouth shut and let things finally crumble down on its own so I could be left to pop pills til I either got it right and ended myself or guzzle em until I fucked myself up so bad I'd die without my intervention 💀💀

None of this seems to be worth it and I'm kinda over it. I made my decision. It fucking sucks that I'm still being forced along this stupid junk when I already decided it was all worthless. I wish I could hide away and just stop participating in society. Never talk again. Never play another game. Never spend a single cent. Just total isolation. I wish all the games I play were single player so no one would think to chat with me while we're playing. I wish the world was filled with robots so that I could go in and out of a store without thinking bout if the employees are thinking I'm stealing or wondering if anyone thinks I look as cool as I think I look

I wish it were just a lil bubble just for me. Go into a store, grab what I want, walk out. Dress up anywhere and take 10000 pictures that no one'll see. But idc cause i look so prettyyy and I like seeing myself in all my cute lil outfits. Eat what I want and how weirdly I want without people looking at me crazy. I swear it's all doable but it all feels like I'd have to completely ignore the outside world for me to be happy. Even shit like having to say good morning to my parents or thank you to someone holding the door open for me pisses me off. When I'm not in the mood for speaking, I aint in the mood for any and all speaking no matter how small. And lately uh it's been all I feeling

I don't know why I don't feel the motivation to try to kill myself again. Ig I don't even care enough to atp. I've been so over it now. I've been feeling kinda apathetic to everything to a degree. Not that it hasn't been nice to have clarity on everything. But I don't care to fix any of it anymore. I was done that day i tried to kill myself you know? Being here still didn't really change anything in my perspective. If I had a button right in front of me that'd instantly end me 100% guaranteed I'd put on a nice lil outfit then push that shit with a swiftness

I'd be shocked if don't end up relapsing atp. I'm tired of thinking

#dph addiction #dph #benadryl #diphenhydramine #vent #excessively long

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