#andre x glenn

[datchidatchi]

Happy Valentine's Day!

Have some smootches for our favourite biochemist. 💝🧪

Instagram I Twitter

[shutupcrime]

The genre is platonic soulmates your honour

[sk3tchysakuraa]

I FINALLY FINISHED IT

[yokiidokii]

How would the gang react to a reader who constantly says sorry ? like for every stupid thing at the end of a sentence due to being Bullied majority of their life . So now I their adulthood it’s just kinda automatic “oop I’m sorry” even when it’s not necessary

My smile is immeasurable- I do this so often you have no idea. I have absolutely been worried about not knowing if I was gonna do the request just right. This is not one of those times. I did have a surprising amount of trouble with it though? Despite it being something I myself do constantly lmao, ah well I hope I did it justice!

Also hi! I was in college so this is so very late and I’m so sorry about that <3 My prof mentally threw me around like a rag doll and I came out with my brain fried.

Warnings: I don't think any? Maybe some general allusions to anxiety just because of the prompt itself? Andre mentions weed but uh- nothing else! Relatively safe<3

Reagan

I feel like she understands, I could see her thinking of it more in a like, a logical sense? Not like she doesn’t understand the more emotional side of it- she’s got her own issues. But in the like “Oh, usually when people do this it means they are scared of what people think and don’t like conflict. I’ll keep that in mind.”

She gets it, and I want to be absolutely clear- I cannot see her being one of those people saying “It’s fine.” Because like, for her it doesn’t feel like it ever really is? But she will be the person to help you feel like, it’s okay that you said it but know that you do not have to. You didn’t do anything wrong.

If you want to tell her the reason why you do this, apologizing and explaining she will feel for you. I mean we’ve seen her school experience, we had one friend and a buncha kids who were way older than you and treated her like shit. Also her father, very much her father.

She won't ever press you or act like you aren't trying harder to get better but she'll make sure in her own way that you know it's all gonna be okay one day.

One day you won't have to think about the past and everything will be okay <3

-

Andre

Andre may or may not have told you about his experiences with his family and how they really affected him.

You have probably also- at least once maybe seen him without drugs and how that can make him.

Long story short he is in no position to judge even if he for some reason wanted to.

Would offer you some weed

He means well and will not pressure you if you say no, though he will totally ask “Are you suuuureee?” because he cannot stress enough the wonders of medical marijuana

Whether or not you take it is up to you, but he will absolutely let you chill either in his office if you're at work or at his house- would come to your house to make sure your comfy if you need it<3

He is a loving man with lots of his own experience in this kind of regard and he will help you no matter what!

He is more than the drug guy though please literally let him be known for more than that he deserves it so any tips he's used to help himself out he will give to you.

A very caring man with his own issues and lots of advice and love to give if you'll have it~

-

Brett

Oh honey, this man? This man understands.

Brett will apologize after you do because both of you think that is is somehow both of your faults.

Though he will undoubtedly let you know in every way he possibly can that it is not your fault in any way and that he loves you.

He would absolutely mention therapy- it helps him! It might help you?

He would absolutely be holding your hand anyway and if you do apologize while it happens, he’ll squeeze it in his own and shoot you a quick “No need to be!” before continuing the conversation. He doesn’t wanna spend the whole time acknowledging it just in case putting too much attention on it in the open would embarrass you or make you feel worse.

But he will be there for you, and he will be listing off things that he’s learned to help him when he can’t stop doing it either.

-

Myc

I can see Myc start by just being a little bit sarcastic. Like he isn’t entirely sure why you do it just yet, but he doesn’t want you to be saying it and thinking that you did something wrong.

He gives those like “Oh yeah? You’re sorry?” and you know that if he had actual eyes, he would be giving you a look of ‘You really wanna do this rn?’.

And he will probably continue to do so even after he knows why.

He isn’t going to treat you differently per se, at least- he acts like he isn’t going to…

But you feel the tentacle that was already wormed around your waist squeeze just a little tighter before you end your sentence to remind you that you didn’t do anything, and you don’t need to apologize. 

I mean he gets it, he got bullied. He ended with a different outcome for himself, but he still understands. It sucks, and even if you don’t want to think about it or you don’t want to constantly feel like life is repeating itself over and over again but sometimes it’s just going to feel that way even if it isn’t.

Though Myc will be there to help you understand and work through all the woes of getting to inside your own head.

-

Gigi

She would raise her brow at it at first.

Hit you with that “Honey you didn’t do anything wrong.” and make sure you know that it’s all okay.

Is teaching you how she ignores her haters constantly, if you say anything about it not being on the same level and you start apologizing again, she is going to lovingly slap you in the face with her words (She would not lay a hand on you ever-)

Comparing yourself gets a “tsk tsk” from her and a long list of all the parts about you she thinks are beyond stellar.

Gigi would be very honest -like the most honest maybe- about whether or not you actually have anything to be sorry about. 

If you do, she’ll accept your apology but try to figure out a way to do it in a way that won’t encourage you to do it when you don’t actually have to.

And when you don’t, she places a hand on her hip and gives you a look, eyebrow raised just lightly in a ‘really?’ sorry of fashion.

She’s not questioning it; she knows it happened. But she’s asking if you really wanna do it, you know that she will no doubt spend her time talking your ear off about not doing this again.

She does it with the upmost amount of love I promise- but like,,

Do you dare question her? I wouldn't

-

Glenn

Okay. I don’t want to say Glenn doesn’t get it at first, but out of all of the people in the gang it feels right to say he might take the longest to adjust and learn how to handle it.

But just because he might not get it at first doesn’t mean he’s rude!!

It’s more of a “What? Why are you saying you're sorry? You didn’t do anything?” Kinda confused-

He’s a confused ol man, forgive him.

Though, he would understand the bullying thing like 100%

He’s no stranger to rude comments or being talked to as if he has no feelings, typical bully behavior even if he wouldn’t talk about it or call them bullies, just,,, assholes?

That and the feelings that come from thinking about those comments is something he understands, and something that he can try and a headspace he will gladly try to help you out of.

[justasfunsober]

Inside Job characters as John Mulaney quotes

Bc anytime I make a new blog I have to do this.

Reagan Ridley

Brett Hand

Andre Lee

Gigi Thompson

Magic Myc

Glenn Dolphman

[cognitosclowns]

I wanna fall asleep with these freaks 💓🥺

I am the eepiest sleepiest little guy of all time and this activated a Worm in my Brain so this is gonna get SO LONG AMSDNAMSND

sfw!! just snuggles and soft things

Reagan

Not extremely cuddly? She likes her personal space!

That doesn't mean she never wants cuddles, she's just gotta be in a particular Mood for it!

Most nights, she wants to be kinda,, gently curled into your arm?? just a loose grip around it w/ her own, cheek resting on your bicep.

She talks in her sleep, but it's very quiet. Usually it's just her going through her schedule for tmrw (does she?? dream of work in her sleep???), but occasionally, you'll hear her mumbling about how much she loves you <333

Yes, it's just as cute as it sounds. She has no memory of it in the morning, but if you bring it up, she'll get this flustered little Half-Smile alllll morning <3

She falls asleep so fast. if you wanna be cute w/ her while cozied in bed I'm so sorry, the second she feels Safe and Warm and Cozy in your vicinity she's passing out for 4-12 hours ✨✌🏻

It's alright, you know she needs her rest <3 besides, that just opens up options for you two to be soft and shmoopy in the morning

Brett

Unsurprisingly, the cuddliest guy of all time. He would be inside your ribcage if the opportunity was provided KJASDKASJD

He really likes?? laying on your chest and stomach?? he likes to be significantly further down. occasionally you'll just,, barely see his hair and the top of his forehead peaking out from the covers from how low he gets

it's just so comfy! he likes The Noises and Warmth and Vague Suffocation that comes w/ sleeping w/ his head under the covers, resting against your torso <3

He smiles so much in his sleep. you didn't think ppl did that outside of movies, but he totally does <3 usually only when he's having a particularly good dream.

OH ALSO HIS BED IS SO FUCKING COZY

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS MAN DOESN'T QUILT. HE HAS SO MANY BEAUTIFUL HAND-MADE QUILTS AND BLANKETS AND KNITTED SHIT IN HIS BED. I hope you like being cozy bc you're gonna be The Coziest Of All Time.

He also sleeps with stuffed animals! He always did as a child bc his treehouse was always cold as hell, and the habit just stayed with him!

they're so well-kept and soft all these years later <3 usually he just keeps them at the foot of the bed, bc it makes him feel safe to, but occasionally he'll bring a couple up for you two to snuggle <3 You Are Never Too Old To Snuggle A Stuffed Bear Don't Like To Yourself.

Andre

A Nightmare (affectionate)

not only is his sleep schedule Entirely Batshit, but he has so much trouble falling asleep. expect lots of tossing and turning

he does settle a lot thought when you hold him!! Don't hold too close, he still needs to squirm a lot to actually fall asleep

You're also the only person that he gets a full nights sleep with <3 he usually ends up waking up in the night, his mind starts working on smth, and he doesn't go back to sleep <3 but with you, it's almost instantaneous.

A little Jump, a bit of squirming to get into a comfortable position, and then off to seeb again <3 it's nice to see just how safe he feels around you <3

Expect plenty of early morning/late night convos <3 hell even middle of the night convos, where he hasn't realised that he fell asleep and instantly hops back into Whatever He Was

He also has such a habit of. Continuing Conversations From His Dream. like he'll just grab your arm and start talking about Yes I'm Sure If We Distilled It Enough We Could Make Whiskey Out Of Lighter Fluid Myc before passing out cold MASNFASMFJ

TLDR. squirmy silly man, but also enjoyable to seeb with.

Gigi

OUGHEEEEEEEEAWBABWBAGOURGHR <- experiencing wife fevers

SO COZY HOLY SHIT

I refuse to believe she doesn't have a Big Comfy Bed. Silk covers, big thick duvet, more pillows that she knows what to do with. The bed is 3 times the size of her so when you catch her snuggled up in bed she truly just looks like those photos of Very Small Puppies in Very Large Beds MNASDMASND

So cuddly <3 you wouldn't expect it, since she makes a point of being seen as very Untouchable and Independent, but she loves to be held.

Her ideal state is nuzzled under your chin, feeling your pulse through your neck <333 a leg hooked around yours to make sure you're nice and close.

She takes a while to fall asleep, so she likes to go to bed early! Feel free to join her at any time, she'll just be dozing <3

If you do join her when she goes to bed, expect some,, very soft, lovey-dovey moments. she looks utterly adorable, all bundled up in her cozy little slightly-too-poofy nightgown and eye mask.

She Deserves 1000000 Cheek Smooches Or Else You Shall Die Of Love Disease <- her favourite part of the night. she will start giggling the moment she feels your lips on her cheeks and neck.

kisses her 1000. she's the most

Myc

HE OWNS A WATERBED I KNOW THIS FUCKING MAN OWNS A WATERBED

A FREEFLOW WATERBED TOO. NO SUPPORT IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE FLOATING.

It's actually pretty comfortable after you get used to it. you see the appeal, it's kinda got that Sensory Deprivation Tank feeling of weightless floating <3

Expect to be utterly Mummified in tentacles AKSDJASKJ

He insists that it's so that you don't go tossing and turning in your sleep and knock his ass off the bed but. You See Through His Lies You Understand. You See The Jackassery At Play Here.

OUGHEEE he has such a habit of like. swirling his tentacles gently around your skin. Not necessarily stroking back and forth, moreso massaging? if you have any knots in your back, thighs, or arms, they're gonna be gone by morning.

Fairly quiet? That doesn't mean silent though, he absolutely talks while you two drift off to sleep, but it's all in very quiet tones. A Little Shit, But Lovingly. (you may. gently have to bop him on the head and tell him to Shut The Hell Up Its 3 Am Goddamn Not Everyone's Job Is Just Sitting Around Getting Jacked Off MANSDMASNDMANSDMN)

Glenn

He snores like a foghorn I'm so sorry. the old man of all time

If you can look past that though, he's so fucking delightful to sleep with <33 most especially bc he loves when you lay on him

he says smth about how it Helps Unfuck His Back, but you're at least 45% sure that that isn't the main reason

(and you're right, it isn't <3 he just loves feeling your weight on him)

He loves just,, leaving a hand against your back, running up and down as you settle in to sleep <33 before leaving it to rest on the small of your back <33 love is so real and true.

his tail wags in his sleep

HIS TAIL WAGS IN HIS SLEEP

HIS TAIL WAGS IN HIS SLEEP

You'll see this most when he's sleeping on his stomach, bc when he's on his back his tail can't move, and on his side Everything Hurts At All Times KAJDKASJ

You'll see it squirm around the most when you're touching him <3 if you run your hands through his hair, or trace patterns on his back that things gonna be WHIPPING like a wheatstalk in a hurricane.

^ this also applies to. early morning and late night cuddles. in the morning its more of a,, slow waggle? like you'll just see it gently twitching under the bed, while you place kisses on his cheek BAWBBABWBABW <- if I talk about his tail any more we'll never be done

just the guy of all time <3 go sleep with that old man go do it go do it now go go go go g

JR

Let Him Sleep On The Booba

Truly he sleeps best with his face buried in your chest. what can he say, it's cozy as hell.

his ideal state is being Unconscious. A Coma. Laying horizontally being fed nutrients through a tube. He will nap on you at any possible moment

It's one of the time's he feels Truly Safe? Like he's constantly having to run around doing what the Shadow Board wants, doing what Rand wants, etc. Sometimes You Just Need A Little Nap With Your Partner To Be Okay Again

He IS freezing cold I refuse to believe otherwise. he runs Ice Cold and it takes him 15 minutes to warm up. feels a bit like cuddling a corpse until your body heat brings him back to Human Levels Of Warmth.

The things we do for love smh MNSFGKFAJSFGKSDJ

stupid rich expensive bed. imported silk sheets. mathematically optimised mattress designed in a lab to give him The Best Sleep Possible. he's rich enough to buy several countries, he might as well put it to use.

Alpha-Beta

OUGHEEEEEEEEAWBABWBAGOURGHR <- experiencing wife fevers part 2

He's such a heavy sleeper MY GOD. If you couldn't hear his internal systems whirring and clicking you'd think he was dead KJDSAKFJASDKFJDSA

It isn't really his fault - his 'sleep cycle' likes to be done in one solid stretch, to avoid file corruption, which means. His body just,, won't wake him up unless it senses Active Danger to himself or you.

It's fine! He'll wake up if the house is on fire. Probably.

'aww you're such an old man <3' <- he's going to push you into a woodchipper AKSGJSAKDJFKSDFGJ

He's so warm and cozy <3

Upside, personal heater during the winter. Downside, summer is hell for both of you (Upside, he sleeps mostly naked in summer to avoid Dying of Death Disease)

Hold him <3 hold him he won't ask but he loves being held, even more than he loves holding you (which is. Saying Something). The second he feels your arms wrap around him, maybe one of your hands gently fussing with his hair? Out like a light <3 its sweet, all those unspoken ways that shows how much he loves you <3

ABWBABWBAB I swear I did an ask like this before but. I don't care this was so cute. If you have any additions, go nuts!

[rapturemctro]

The brain Rot is real, I made a relationship chart to show off Atlas's relationship with the rest of Cognito Inc.

I actually copied the little chibi designs from The Gang jacket from Season 1, and ended up trying to mimic the style to the best of my ability for Rand, JR, and Ron. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out!

I've also added a blank one under the read more for any other Inside Job Self Shippers who wants to use this, or show off their own relationships with the gang. Please tag me if you use this I wanna see!!!

[anonnluvver]

headcannons concept,, Brett and reader in an established relationship, reader taking Brett home for Thanksgiving or something like that and meeting readers Big Chaotic Family. like im talking 30ish relatives squeezed into readers great-aunt-in-laws lower middle class sized house. I absolutely need to watch him experience being quickly accepted into a genuinely loving family complete with all the quirky traditions and closeness. he would definitely be crazy nervous about it until we show up and he realizes it's nothing like the formal tense holiday dinners of his childhood. I just know my family would love him so much to the point where they would steal him away from me and he would spend more of the holidays playing touch football with my cousins and looking at readers baby pics with my aunties then time with me!!

This concept sounds so sweet and silly😭 thank you for requesting, Hope you like it!

Brett x reader head-cannons(family gathering)

The first time Brett meets your whole entire family he’s excited but super nervous and anxious he just wants them to like him.

Even though you tell him it’s not a big deal and it’s just a family dinner he’ll still go out of his way to buy gifts for each and everyone of your family members.

Brett will almost be having a heart attack before even entering the house but when your aunties open the door he’ll be caught by suprised by being smothered by all your aunts!

Immediately inviting him in and completely disregarding you (lol) your whole family will ambush him with questions about himself and silly ones like how’d you ever pull a guy like him.

Brett gets his fair share of time with the adults and aunties who loving squeeze his cheeks and laugh at all his jokes. But he also spends time with all the littles, all your cousins and your siblings playing games and chasing them around. Like hide and seek, some tag and some sports too.

Your mom, grandma and aunts will steal him away to show all your embarrassing photo albums and pictures from when you were a baby and so on.

And When it’s time to eat your mom makes sure Brett’s the first to have a plate that’s plenty full.( I mean like over the brim full) Of course Brett being the sweetheart he is eats all of it even when he feels wayyy to full.

Your whole family plays your favorite traditional games together at the end of the evening and you help Brett throughout all the games understand how to play and all the rules.

And when it’s time to leave all your aunties will once again smother Brett in their arms and squeezeing tightly his cheeks asking him to promise them he’ll visit as soon as possible. And the goodbyes would last about a few extra minutes with all the kisses and hugs they give him.

By the end of it all Brett would end up crying when the two of you are finally alone and when you ask what’s wrong he’ll sob explaining how loving and generous your family is, as he never had that feeling before it was such an overwhelming love that it’s making him cry. You hug and comfort him (and even cry a little yourself too.) but it’s safe to say he’s even more excited for the next time he gets to see your family.

[sin-sidejob]

Inside Job Text Prefs

texts to send them abandoning their work and stripping their clothes off while running to you:

JR scheimpough

— “My lunch meeting just got canceled. Also, I’m not wearing any panties.”

Andre Lee

— “want to fuck while testing your new strain?”

Brett Hand

— “I want a baby.”

Glenn Dolphman

— “anyway we can get clearance to fuck in the tank? I heard the seat’s comfy.”

Reagan Ridley

— “Filled the coffee pot. Btw, want to break in your new office, CEO?”

Gigi Thompson

— “saw you earlier while grabbing coffee. You look tired. My face is free to rest on.”

Alpha Beta Robotus

— “I’ve got a new idea for a dick modification. Also, you look good today.”

Myc Celium

— “want to see how many flagella you can put in me? I feel like breaking our record.”

Ron Staedtler

— “it’ll count as repentance if you kneel between my thighs.”

[ijafterhours]

You can't fire your own family. Can you?

It's been ten years since Reagan finally assumed control of Cognito, against all odds. Her team is finally complete, and they're training the next wave of employees for their lives under the skin of America. Success is right around the corner. However, one of these new prodigies is starting to have second thoughts, at the apex of her most crucial mission. Reagans own daughter, Lara.

You heard it here first, folks! Inside Job; After Hours 2 is finally scheduled for its release, with the first episode dropping Sunday, October 1st! I'm so incredibly excited for you to follow Lara's journey this season, and i'll be dropping bits and bobs before release as well, so stay tuned for more, and get excited! The next chapter is right around the corner!

1.10.23. Inside Job; After Hours - Season Two, Episode One: Welcome to Cognito 2.0!

[same-pic-of-venus-everyday]

[file-21674]

Gang with a S/O who has anger issues!

This is NOT!! Romanticising!! Anger issues is a serious topic that I and some of my friends deal with! Please don’t read if this is somehow a sensitive topic to you <3

Retrieving information . . .

FILE. . REAGAN . . .

Would probably understand where your coming from

If your anger is physical she would keep her eye on you 24/7

If you ever got mad at her, she would be pissed, but would calm down for the sake of not provoking you further

Fighting/arguing is okay with her, but if it ends with you getting hurt she’s yelling at you for being reckless

She would try come up with a device to control your anger, (weather it works or not is completely up to you)

Gives you advice, mainly just saying “put your anger into your work, trust me, it works more than you would think”

If your anger is more like, silent and glares, she would rub your back

She’s really awkward, when she sees you staring someone down, eye twitching and fists clutching nothing. She would. In the most awkward way. Try to calm you down.

Overall she doesn’t know what she’s doing, but she’s trying to help no matter what!

FILE . . BRETT . . .

Has no clue what to do. Like at all

If your anger is more physical he would be next to you ALL the time. Would probably drag Reagan away from her desk just so he can be with his 2 Favourite people!! And so you don’t kill MYC

If you ever got mad at him he would be like “oh..” and make the :( face, he would forgive you, of course! But he’s still going to be upset, APOLOGISE.

Fighting/arguing, he’s not a big fan of. He doesn’t want you to get hurt, but if the person your fighting is a asshole, he will watch, but be standing next to you

He would be rubbing your shoulders trying to calm you down, telling you to let it go (Elsa) and to just leave it. BUT SWEETLY

He wouldn’t give you advice, HE WOULD IF YOU ASKED, but I think he’s more of a physical comfort kinda guy rather than just using his words

If your anger is more like silent and glares, he would look at the person your glaring at worriedly

He’s nervous, scared you will lash out all your built up anger on him. So he’s not gonna try say anything that could possibly anger you, I can see him hugging you from behind while you stare at the person who made you angry

Overall he’s slightly scared of you, but always there to comfort you when you need it <3

FILE . . GIGI . . .

honestly, I see her being more encouraging than handling your anger

If your anger is physical you best know she’s recording you whenever you get in a fight. If you win she posts it on her story on Instagram, if you loose she’s giving you tips

If you ever get mad at her she’s offended. As fuck. But knows not to say anything.

Fighting/arguing she’s okay with. It’s not her business. But if it gets out of hand she’s holding you to her chest screaming at the other person

She would rub your knuckles softly, and tell you that it’s okay

She doesn’t give advice. She gives tips. On how to either distract beat or intimidate the other person

If your anger is more like silent and glares. She’s concerned. 10000% concerned

She wants you to be able to express how you feel so if your ever just sitting there tapping your fingers on the table while killing someone with your eyes. She’s begging you to atleast go talk to them to settle your anger a little

Overall she’s not good at helping, but good at encouraging!!

FILE . . ANDRE . . .

He finds it hot. :/

If your anger is physical. He’s 100% gonna pop one when your fighting/screaming at someone

If you get mad at him, he’s gonna slowly…melt in his chair and look at you…and smirk.

Fighting/arguing he’s good with. Unless it costs him his drugs or weed or you getting severely hurt

He would offer to smoke pot with you, but if it’s one of those days you chill and watch some episodes of breaking bad to calm down

He’s not good with advice, like at all so expect something shitty like “anger is like…condoms in a way!” And he’ll get distracted and start talking about condoms 💀

If your anger is more like silent and glares, he’s just gonna take it the same way,

He will make jokes to try and make you look away from the person your staring at like “Hey Y/N! Don’t you think this chicken wing kinda looks like a dick? Y/N?” Once he realised that your twitching he’ll try and drag you away, talking shit about the person you was glaring at on the way

Overall he’s eh. He can be compassionate when he needs to, but tries to lighten the mood rather than pry you away from the person

FILE . . GLENN DOLPHIN . . .

Respect you.

If your anger is physical. He’s gonna start rambling about American “MY COUNTY STANDS BY WHAT Y/N IS DOIN. LEAVE YOU…(idk)” is what he would yell to anyone trying to stop you

If you get mad at him. I can see him sucking air through his..nose? And water coming out of his blow hole..?

Fighting/arguing? Bitch he’s joining in. He’s throwing a gun at you and telling you to shoot whoever

If it gets bad, then he’s there to listen. But he is TERRIBLE. At advice

Like I said he’s terrible. But he’s trying..though if he dose give advice..give it 5 minuets and it’s a story about war

If your anger is more like silent and glares, he doesn’t care ANGER IS ANGER TO HIM

He will feel awkward after a few minuets of you just staring at someone and he’s just sitting there..next to you

Overall hes terrible..BUT HE MEANS WELL

FILE . . MYC . . .

bros the reason your mad

[ben-pincus]

Hey how are you?

May I request some angst to fluff(Reagan ridley x reader) where Reagan is badly injured and reader takes care of her and they both catch feelings?

zoo wee mama took a break from writing inside job there because I was a bit sad my sillies got cancelled but this hot chocolate is making me write again lets go!!!1

"you gotta hold still, man.." you brought the alcohol wipe to the gnash on her forehead again, surprise surprise, she flinched back.

"ow!! fuck!!" she winced.

"we could take a break? I just don't want it getting infected, is all." you sat back on the office chair, spinning it around while looking at her office.

you two had come back from a mission that failed, which resulted in reagan getting injured and you only having a few scrapes and bruises.

"just- just fucking get it over with!!" she groaned, frustrated as she felt blood trickle down her forehead again.

"shit.." you pulled down your sleeve over your knuckle, using it to wipe the blood off her forehead.

she was confused by this, why would you ruin your perfectly good top for her??

"right, it's gonna sting like shit. again. you can hold my hand if you're up to it. I know it helped me when I was younger n' getting injections n' all that shit.." you extend out your hand, your palm facing up as you waited for her to hold it.

she didnt hold it, yet.

but when you put the wipe back up to the gnash, she grasped onto your hand and squeezed for dear life.

"we're almost done, just a bit more."

you were being so gentle with her? why? she hasn't been that nice to you. she doesn't even remember talking to you that much.

"now! done!" you leaned back, taking the bandages and wrapping them around her head, cutting it off and tying it where it needed to be tied.

"you'll look like you just came out of hospital, but it's better than actually being in hospital, right?" you cracked a smile, closing the first aid box.

"uhm. yeah. yeah." she wanted to say more, thank you! would you like to go get a coffee sometimes? even though my social skills are fucking horrendous?, but her mouth remained closed.

you cleared your throat, "just, come back to me in 2 days to change the bandage. or if it rips. 'kay? I'll see ya round." you smiled at her before exiting her office.

safe to say, she definitely ripped it just so she could see you again.

"I dont like them!! sure, they make me feel like im dizzy every time I see them, and yeah, maybe I get nervous and stutter when im around them, and-"

reagan was greeted with knowing stares by the rest of the gang,

"-oh shit."

[yokiidokii]

May I request hc's of The Gang with a male reader that's new to Cognito?? Just a normal guy that was suddenly thrusted into a crazy company to work in

I thank you for taking me up on my offer, I hope the wait wasn't too much! I wanted to write something good and I wasn't happy with my first go around so this was my second take >:)

And may I just add, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYONE!

Warnings: Absolutely nothin, you are so safe baybe <3

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Reagan

Another one??? She'd sigh but considering how good for both her and the company Brett turned out to be she can't complain about it.

She'd have probably gotten all of her "You aren't who you say you are" theories out on Brett so luckily you are spared. for now.

Would give the most thorough tour. Like you will know all the places that you need to by the end of this tour along with a good handful of the people who work in them.

I feel like Reagan would be pretty interested in what job you would be there to do? Like she's got no clue what you were hired based on- please tell her it wasn't the firmness of your handshake.

Regan reeks of a burnt-out gifted kid it's because that's what she is SO I'd imagine that she would be incredibly good at helping you figure out all that shitty 'welcome to the company keep us a secret or we disappear you' papers. Like she knows why there are so many but it can get overwhelming for a first-timer to read about all the ways your employer can see in on your life when you aren't paying attention and also how many ways they plan to kill you.

She would be vaguely interested in your outside life, maybe not as much as some of your other coworkers so it may not come up as often as either of you would like compared to general water cooler conversations.

Okay sweet girl would try and be entertaining or fill the quiet with jokes or something and it would absolutely come out like a threat SHE'S TRYING SO HARD SHE DOESN'T MEAN IT.

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Brett

WOW!!! Another guy in his exact position? Your impending friendship has to be fate.

He'd be more than glad to show you around! This place is pretty easy to get lost in but he assures you that you'll get used to it after a while.

Brett has the most heart, he found his family at this place! So he's going to try his best to give you all the reasons why this place may be a madhouse, but it's a madhouse ~with heart✨

He's got something nice to say about basically everyone and everything that resides within Cognito, so you'll have at least one reason to like everyone here!

Pretty laid back but very welcoming! I mean he was once in your position. Sometimes you get some serious imposter syndrome being surrounded by all these cool brainiacs and walking, talking conspiracies, so if you ever need to talk his office door is always open <3

This man is as warm as the fluffiest thickest comforter you have ever seen and doubly as welcoming so he's sure to try his darndest at including you in things and introducing you to his friends!

Would be so willing to listen to you talk about your life outside of work, but if you don't want to? That's cool too! He can talk about his life outside of Cognito! No bonding time lost ;)

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Andre

Being normal doesn't always mean being boring. He is invested in finding out what interesting secrets hide within the walls you've put up.

So okay, he will genuinely try and help you around if he's tasked to. He can show you the places you need to be and introduce you to a handful of cool people HOWEVER he will sit back and laugh as you experience the madness. He enjoys the confusion and probable moral panic.

He won’t leave you floundering though. Andre is a talker, the tour will be full of weird info he knows but he will also be asking you questions about how you ended up here like the whole time? He’s just a curious lil fella :) 

Also would be someone to lounge in your office, if you don’t have anything to decorate it off the bat he might think it’s a little bit boring however he won’t say anything. But you may start noticing more small and funky novelty objects appearing in your office.

(It’s him. All of them are from him and they are so silly) BUT! They all stay, they hold sentimental value AND they make your space less boring and more homey :) TRIPLE WIN!!!

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Myc

Helpful in his own special Myc kinda way, like a little bit of an asshole about it but not so much that it feels like he’s being a total dick? He’s still helpful but he’s using terms from Cognito that you definitely do not understand yet. He’ll explain it son, he just wants to watch you squirm for a minute as you try and figure it out what the fuck he’s talking about.

His tour would be like some emotional rollercoaster? You don’t really know what’s going on here so he’s going to fuck with you. Hyping up what’s beyond this door as some big scary bad thing and it’s not, it’s just craft services- it’s just to amuse himself.

Simillar to Andre in that he will laugh and tease you about shit, but he will absolutely have more amo because of the whole mind reading thing? More stuff akin to him mentioning Brett’s lovely memory of Dane Cook routines in episode 1. It’s just the Myc special baby well one of them anyway ;) 

He’d obviously have a preference to tell you more nice things about the gang? Even those might not sound nice but uh- they are for him? HOWEVER he will tell you to never tell them or he will find you. You are slightly unsure if it’s a real threat or not???

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Gigi

Ok, Gigi would be one of if not the most helpful to be able to show you around.

Based on how she acted with Brett- she might flirt with you, but like who would complain about that have you SEEN HER????

Knows where the best places in the office to get cell reception are 

She lives for the gossip and will gossip about all the coworkers she introduces to you. Is it true? Probably. Will you trust her? Up to you~ it’s all true okay– eat this shit up. SHE HAS THE GOOD SHIT.

Honestly? Her welcome would be nice? Like her own work is super chaotic but she knows how the fuck to handle all this. She knows how to help you deal with all this chaos.

Would ABSOLUTELY look you up on social media to know what you’re all about.

Ears are always ready to listen. Absolutely ready to listen to you spill all the tea about wherever in the company you do end up in. Even if it’s her own she knows interesting shit is always happening within these walls - GIVE👏🏻HER👏🏻THE👏🏻DEETS

OK SO NOT TO BE RUDE BUT- She is going to judge your bland ass office hardcore. She just is, it’s a fact of life. She’s got recommendations right away.  Follow her orders. Please-

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Glenn

Actually kind of wholesome??

You might actually get a decent tour, I think it’s fair to say based on him that it would be pretty biased? Especially about what part of the company he hopes you’d join *wink wink nudge nudge*

The tour would probably be surprisingly thorough? Especially his section and Andre’s! He knows the most about those two places so that isn’t the most shocking? Though some of the other places get the bare minimum knowledge.

He would also be able to show you the best places for napping, Old man naps <3

There might be a little less said, but what is said is important. So if he gives someone or something a compliment know that he means it.

I mean he was a normal man once, he still kinda is? Y’know minus the dolphin stuff? So if you need someone to hash it out with when the company gets too much you could come to him. If he likes you enough he might let you launch a missile somewhere- please have restraint. Please.

He’d probably also want to talk, please indulge him in getting to talk about his life at least a little bit with serious responses and care. He deserves some genuine care too and it makes the whole… whatever you two have going on feel more mutual to him :D

[aquatic-mycologist]

may we please have some collective headcanons for the Gang w/ a gn! reader who has six fingers on each hand (like ford pines from gravity falls) and is kinda self conscious about it? keeping their arms crossed and their hands in their pockets a lot, and handshakes are very rare

Sorry for taking so long! Hope this is to your liking, if it's not what you had in mind pls do tell and I'll give it another shot!!

Under the cut cause it got long </3

The first time they met you was probably...a bit chaotic, honestly

At first they didn't really think anything about you, you keeping your hands in your pockets all the time was a bit odd, not gonna lie, but hey they've seen weirder (like a dolphin man and a gigantic sentient mushroom, for one)

It wasn't until you HAD to file some papers that you reluctantly showed your hands as you grabbed your pen from across the table

No matter what you had expected, it certainly didn't prepare you for the instant bombarding of questions and comments

Now, I will say, NONE of them have any malice in their hearts...But that doesn't stop the experience from being highly uncomfortable

Because on one side, you had Reagan curiously studying your hand as if they were a rare animal

On the other, you had Myc making a crude joking comparison to his own six flagella

And then there was Brett, who was oh so sweetly excited and musing about how Wow he has never seen anyone like you!! and asking a million questions per minute

And before the rest joined in, you pulled your hands away and back into your pockets, which made everyone realize that Yeah that. was pretty insensitive

But after receiving a well deserved apology, you are no longer being suffocated by the attention, and they soon become so used to it that they barely think about it anymore

Honestly? It ends up being a really comfortable place for you with the way they acommodated

And they all look after you so that the experience you had with them the first time you met NEVER happens again

Meeting someone new in the office and they offer a handshake? Brett will discreetly take it himself and make the moment pass naturally

Myc may or may not read your mind often to distract you when you start getting self-conscious along with Andre, but you didn't hear that from me

Glenn shoots...the DIRTIEST death glares in the direction of anyone who stares too long at your hands or is generally being inappropiate. And having the LITERAL HEAD OF THE WEAPONRY DEPARTMENT by your side like that? Rest assured you're never bothered by other people

If you ever wanted to conceal your hands, Gigi and Reagan team up and make some discreet, comfortable and stylish gloves for you to wear, which were neatly placed on your desk at work in a box with a sweet encouraging note, half in neat cursive and half in clean and sharp writing and a few sentences scribbled out from previous attempts at wording stuff correctly

In general? They just really care about you and will do their best so you're comfortable

[choerrypies]

should i publish satire fanfics here instead of wattpad😔