#annoying. i am exploding meta with my mind

[tesco-finest-aromantics]

what the hell... i signed up to instagram and immediately got suspended for half a year

[hellstenglow]

What was the fic that got you into fiveya or what was ur first fiveya fic?

Thank @soleconfidante for tagging me!  

Rules: tell us a lil bit about the fics that got you started, the vibe fics, the gateway fics, the ones that made you think, “oh shit......I ship it.”

I’m tagging anyone who want to partecipate in this initiative! I think many fiveya shippers have been tagged already and the ones I usually talk with were as well, I don’t want to annoy anyone. 

I am not even sure how I started shipping Fiveya, I think I was looking around the general TUA’s tag in ao3 to sniff what type of fanfictions existed, when I noticed the tag “Number Five|The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves” and I was immediately intrigued. After a couple of fanfictions I read metas, re-watched season 1 and 2 and I was a converted believer.

1. I Call You Mine by TooYoungToFeelThisTired

They are one of my favourite fiveya author, the writer always capture something of Five and Vanya’s dynamic so well and the stories are so original, so touching. This fanfiction was one of the first fiveya fanfictions I’ve read and one of the first of the author. I think it’s a study in Five’s mind and behaviour, at the time I thought it was so amusing and I still read it every now and then.

2. Growing Pains by lofticries

Another one of the first stories I’ve read when I passed through the gates of this fandom, it’s from Vanya’s pov and it developed my interest in this pairing. I think it was the one who made me thought “Oh wait, imagine if this could happen in the show. It’s fire”. The fanfiction made me reflect on Vanya and Five’s relationship more. The “what if” of this couple exploded in my mind. The proverbial Lancillo & Ginevra’s culprit book to speak of. I am very fond of this fanfiction. 

3. Nearly didn't notice the gentlest feeling by sweetheartbitterheart 

One of my favourite and one of the first fanfictions as well. I love how each Hargreeves sibling notice the Five and Vanya’s situation and it’s funny, sweet and just a nice balm on your soul. It’s probably the chicken soup” comfort food I go back to when I need something lovely to make me smile. 

[natsukitakama]

Headcanon : Being in love with Sherloque Wells but it’s not mutual

Author note :  I never wrote angst before I just wanted to give it a try. I hope it’ll be fine please let me know. 

Warning : ANGST / Spoiler of season 5 

the gif doesn’t belong to me : credits to the owner 

You don’t know how it happens in the first place. You were never attracted by a Wells before. Sure you like them but like a friends ? Nothing awkward. But then Sherloque Wells happens. 

There is something about this men, the way he seems to know everything, his gorgeous eyes or his long hair or maybe because he used to flirts with you a lot : You just couldn’t stop your feeling. You just knew it, you were fallen for the detective. 

At first you did everything to hide it, Sherloque was here for business and nothing else plus he used to get married 7 times and you didn’t know if you should question him about it : maybe it was his wife’s fault ? No you couldn’t be blind, you knew he wasn’t perfect at all. 

He was selfish, arrogant, not really good at expressing his feelings and he tended to be annoying when he wanted to be right. Seriously he pissed you off a lot. But still you couldn’t contain your heart, the way it was pouding like it was about to explode. You had to talk to someone. You decided it will be Iris since you two got along very well. 

To say she was excited about this was an understatement, she literally screamed her joy when you confess your feeling. She decided she’ll be your matchmaker : To her you and Sherloque will be the next fashionable (with her relationship of course) couple. I mean it’s right, you two had chemistry. 

You never argued or it’s just tiny fight you know ? Something quite superficial it never lasted more than one hour then you go back to him and everything went back where it used to be. He seemed to love talk with you about anything, first it was basics conversation but then you two started to go into much deeper subjects. You started to know him, I mean really know him. 

Iris was so excited about this, so were you. You couldn’t stop daydreaming about your life with him : what will be your routine ? Will you be really close like Barry and Iris ? Or more discreet ? How will he present you ? You even started to dream at night about your life : it was all fake for now but you felt it, one day it’ll be true.  

You and Iris got a plan, after catching Cicada you’ll confess your feelings (so none of you would be distracted by your relationship) : you couldn’t wait for the day. Hell, you even started to practice your confession just so your confession would be perfect. 

But something was wrong, one day Sherloque started to get his distance with you. You couldn’t talk with him like you used to : in fact he was avoiding you. You were afraid you might done something bad. So you went to his office, he was working and didn’t see you. You asked him was wrong but he didn’t answer, he told you everything was fine and he didn’t know what you were talking about and everything was fine. 

You believed him. 

Couple days later, Team flash finally caught Cicada : She-Cicada was erased of existence and the first one was dead. So meta-human were definitely safe and you could confess to Sherloque. Of course, it wasn’t a good-timing to do so especially after losing Nora but you felt like you couldn’t wait any longer. You went to his office, your minds full of hope yet quite nervous. You took a deep breath and then talk to him : 

« Sherloque, Can I talk to you for a second ? » 

« Oui, Y/N Bien sûr, but be quick please I’ve got an appointment  » 

« Alright, i’ll try to do it Simple. I’ve been praticising this and I hope I won’t confuse myself. It’s been a long time you know, since I wanted you to tell you that but it seemed like there weren’t a good moment for that. And even now my timing suck … B-But I wanted to tell you, because it felt like a burden to me and I needed to share you this. Alright it’s not as quick as I thought it was gonna be … Well I am in love with you Sherloque. I know you’re going to say you’re too old for me, you already had 7 seven wives before, but I didn’t see that. I saw a man stronger, a man who is not afraid to tell what he thought, I thought a smart man a bit selfish and arrogant but it’s fine I know you didn’t mean to sound rude. I know you acted like you didn’t care about people and yet I know you loved team flash so much and you’re sad to leave us. I know you Sherloque or at least I expect myself to know you. There are plenty reasons to explain why I love you and… and if you give me a chance I’ll show you » 

You never felt so breath-less before, finally you told him what you felt. It was like you were free of something and yet you couldn’t stop your stomach for hurting you : you were anxious, you felt your cheeks got red, your body was shivering and all you could do is wait. Wait to Sherloque to give you an answer. 

« Mon dieu Y/N … Je suis sincèrement désolé … I-I am really sorry Y/N I did know about your feeling … In fact I heard you that day when you were practicing your confession. That’s why I’ve got so distant with you. But then we all go back to work and all I could wish was to leave this city before you could confess so I won’t … I won’t break your heart. I am really sorry Y/N but I don’t feel the same about you. I mean I like you but as a friends … as a partner. But I don’t feel the same… Besides my heart belongs to Renee » 

Your entire body just froze, you had high blood pressure : its like your heart was pouding into your ears, your cheeks were red but not because of shyness but because you were mortified. It was like you couldn’t hear anything : as if you weren’t in your own body anymore, your lips were shaken. All you could was breath again and again breath in breath out. Your minds just blew up. 

He doesn’t love. You were ridiculous. Why will ever love you anyway ? He already loves someone else ! Of course does he. What did you expect anyway ? He married the same woman 7th times ! You could NEVER fight against Renee. She is beautiful you’re not, she is incredible and a meta you’re not. She is everything you’re not : Sherloques loves her not you.  

There one thing you could feel : it was falling from your eyes kind of hot, your eyes went blurred. You couldn’t move, you weren’t the master of your own body anymore : you were sobbing at least that what you thought. You couldn’t hear anything except your own breath. You thought you heard yourself saying something like 

« Of course you did… I am so sorry Sherloque … My god… I am really sorry … I am so so sorry … Please forgive me…  I-I didn’t want this … I never wanted this … » 

The last thing you knew, you were walking at your house. Some people called your name, Iris tried to talk to you but you just walked out without looking back, without taking your coat. Your just walked to your room : you couldn’t think about anything, you could see anything nor hear. At your house, you walked through your house until you found your bed : you just fall. You cried. At some point probably because you were exhausted but you swore you saw Sherloque smiling at you : oh boy you wished he could smile to you like this. You wished you could be the reason of his smile, you wished you could be a part of your dream. But in the end, you weren’t. 

Translation : 

Oui, Y/N Bien sûr, but be quick please I’ve got an appointment : Yeah of course, but be quick please I’ve got an appointment

Mon dieu Y/N … Je suis sincèrement désolé …  : Dear lord Y/N, I’am really sorry. 

[bipercabeth]

I have adhd and that means that sometimes, I’ll get hyper focused on one thing for a ~very~ long time (for reference, this is not like, a day, this is like months) and I HAVE to talk about it ALL THE TIME otherwise I WILL EXPLODE. Sometimes I feel like I get annoying when I’m up at three am and just NEED TO TELL SOMEONE AND FANGIRL ABOUT THIS THEORY. But my bestie is so patient and loving and is actually genuinely interested in whatever insane obsession is plaguing my mind. She’ll even send me metas or fan art or posts about it even though she’s not watching or reading it. It makes me feel very seen and happy.

that’s so soft! i’m glad you have someone who sees and hears you like that, it’s so important <33

send me asks about ur friends

[septemberpoems]

Pact of the Shipper

You made a deal with a powerful entity way beyond your understanding. Blue eyes stare at you unblinking as you sign up for a life of servitude that could grant you immense power, but also mutually assured destruction. He gives you a Tumblr, the words Welcome to My Twisted Mind in purple letters on a black cover, the first page oddly listing all your interests and every page of the DSM-V remotely applicable to you.

His true name is David Karp, but you call him Daddy.

This is the Pact of the Shipper.

Cantrips:

Infestation Someone said something less-than-positive about your otp in the tag. They have anon asks enabled. Target has to make a con save or take 1d6 poison damage from your anon hate and, if it fails, is stunned for one round as they go on a short hiatus.

“Do you love the color of the sky?” (Lightning Lure) You throw out the aforementioned post at a creature you can see, forcing it to make a strength save to scroll through the entire thing. If it fails it’s forced to scroll all the way up again to click the old reblog, taking 1d8 psychic damage.

Create Dumpsterfire You conjure a dumpsterfire that fills a 5ft cube. Creatures must also make saving throws if they move into its space or end their turn there. The dumpsterfire will spread if the environment is susceptible.

Mutuals (Friends) Choose a creature you can see that isn’t hostile toward you. You gain advantage on charisma checks toward it for the duration. When the spell ends, the creature looks through your tumblr and discovers problematic discourse from two years ago, possibly attacking or getting other payback.

Spells

1st lvl Cause fear Target must succeed wis saving throw or become frightened of you. The target can repeat the saving throw at each end of its turn. The spell has no effect on deactivated accounts or pornbots.

Comprehend Keysmash You can understand any written language while the spell lasts. While you cannot discern the words of a spoken language, you understand the general gist of it and can respond in kind.

What colour is this dress? (Armor of Agathys) Blue and black? White and gold? Who knows. You gain 5 temporary hitpoints for the duration. If a creature hits you with a melee attack while you have them, it takes 5 cold or fire damage depending on what color you think it is.

2nd lvl Gpoy (Mirror image) Three posts appear, all of them of situations you’ve tagged with #Gpoy at some point. Each time a creature attacks you, roll a d20 to see if they hit the posts instead.

Mapcrunch (Misty Step) You teleport to the middle of a badly rendered forest. You have no sense of direction and have to rely on street signs to find your own way to the airport.

Suggestion You further a rumor you have no factual basis for to a creature of your choice that you can see and that can hear and understand you. You’re limited to 140 characters. Target makes a wisdom save. On failure, it spreads the rumor and goes on a rant.

3rd lvl All Hail the Glow Cloud (Gaseous Form) You turn a willing creature you touch and all it’s carrying into a mist for up to an hour.

The Ballpit (Hunger of Hadar) A 20-foot-radius void appears. All creatures in it get an extra hour in the ballpit. The void’s area is difficult terrain. Any creature that starts its turn in it takes 2d6 psychic damage. Any creature that ends its turn there must pass a dexterity save or take 2d6 poison damage from that one guy who peed in it.

Summon Lesser Demon You summon demons from the abyss. Roll to determine what appears: Clippy, Tumbeasts or a full copy of the script of Bee Movie in fanmail format.

4th lvl None of You Are Free of Sin (Banishment) Blocked, blocked, blocked. A creature you see must make a charisma save or be banished to another plane of existence.

I am Forcibly Removed From the Premises (Dimension Door) You instantaneously teleport yourself to any spot in range.

Summon Greater Demon You summon a demon of your choosing from the abyss. Boneghazi, Loss.jpg, and that daddy kink-cumsicle post are level-appropriate examples.

5th lvl Spooky Scary Skeletons (Dance Macabre) Up to five small or medium corpses you can see become undead, drafted to fight in the Skeleton War under your command for an hour. 

Hold Monster When is a monster not a monster? Oh, when you love it. Choose a creature you can see. It must pass a charisma save or be paralyzed. You tenderly hold the creature in your arms. At the end of its turn it can make another save, ending the embrace on a success. Or maintaining it, if the feelings are mutual.

London Calling (Infernal Calling) You summon Sherlock Holmes from the BBC adaptation. He appears in an unoccupied space that you can see, unfriendly toward you and your terribly dull companions. On your turn you can use a free action to attempt to issue a verbal command, your charisma check versus his insight. You have advantage if you know the actor’s real name as opposed to the Tumblrised versions.

Enervation You’re just that annoying. Choose a creature you see to make a dexterity save. On success it takes 2d8 psychic damage. On failure, the target takes 4d8 damage from bashing its own head against the wall to make your talking stop. Whenever the spell deals damage you regain hit points equal to half of the amount of damage taken.

6th lvl True Seeing You’re so far down the meta spiral you solved the Reichenbach Fall before it even aired. For the duration of the spell you have truesight, notice all hidden references implying Destiel and/or Johnlock and you can see into the writer’s room, all with a range of 120 ft.

Don’t Blink! One creature of your choosing has to make a constitution save. On a failed save it is restrained. After three saves, the spell fades. After three fails, the creature turns to stone.

Devil’s Trap (Circle of Death) You recreate Sam and Dean’s devil trap with black pearl powder. Each creature in a 60 ft radius sphere must make a constitution saving throw, taking 8d6 necrotic damage on a failed save, or half as much on a success. Should’ve used the salt.

7th lvl AU (Plane Shift) You and up to eight willing mutuals who link hands in a circle around an open Ao3 page are transported to its alternate universe. You can use this spell to banish an unwilling creature within melee range to an AU of your choosing.

The Police Box (Forcecage) It’s smaller on the inside! An immobile, invisible, cube-shaped prison composed of magical force springs into existence around an area you choose within range.

Feels (Power Word Pain) Cas saying dying, John watching Sherlock fall, Bad Wolf Bay… You speak a quote that causes waves of intense pain to assail one creature you can see within range. If the target has 100 hit points or fewer, it is subject to crippling pain. Otherwise the spell has no effect on it.

8th lvl I Can’t Even (Feeblemind) A creature you can see takes 4d6 psychic damage and makes an intelligence save. On failure its intelligence and charisma become 1. It can’t spell, unlock its phone, understand language or communicate legibly by any means. However, it can identify other shippers, and follow and protect them. It can repeat the save once an hour, ending the spell on a success. Repeat exposure to the source of I Can’t Even will require additional saving throws.

Dominate Monster You knew exactly what you were looking for when you clicked that tag on Ao3. A creature you see must pass a wisdom save or be charmed. If you’re fighting the monster it rolls an automatic success because this isn’t 50 Shades and safe, sane and consensual is a must. If the spell succeeds, until the end of your next turn, the creature takes only the actions you decide and nothing you don’t allow it to unless it uses the agreed upon safeword. Using an 8th lvl spell slot the duration is 1 hour, using a 9th lvl spell slot extends it to up to 8 hours.

Mishapocalypse (Maddening Darkness) He is everywhere. Nobody can escape Him. Misha fills a 60-foot-radius sphere, spreading around themes, into posts and inboxes. Missing E, Xkit or similar addons can’t penetrate the onslaught of pictures of Misha. If a creature stays on their dash, it makes a wisdom save. On a failed save, its theme and icon also becomes Misha. On a success, only its icon becomes Misha.

9th lvl Canon Otp (Psychic Scream) Up to ten shippers of opposing otps of your choice must make an intelligence save. On a fail, a target takes 14d6 psychic damage and is stunned. On a success, it takes half damage and isn’t stunned. If a target is killed by this spell, its head explodes. 

I Was There For Yahoo Groups (Foresight) An old fandom veteran, nothing fazes you anymore. Fandom wars, sites falling into the sea, it’s all old news. For 8 hours you can’t be surprised and have advantage on attack rolls, ability checks and saves. In addition, other shippers have disadvantage on attack rolls against you.

Reaching lvl 20 you become a SuperWhoLock. An ancient creature everyone has heard of, seen traces of, but nobody has ever claimed to be one out loud. It is a branding as much as it is a title, striking the average population with both nausea and fear.

[xfirechickx]

Arrow Rewrite

So I’ve (finally) caught up with the latest seasons of all the DCTV shows on Netflix, and to the utter surprise of no one, including myself, Arrow has definitely not gotten any better since the first two seasons, and the only good thing that’s come out of this train wreck of a show since killing off the Black Canary, is bringing Katie Cassidy back as the Black Siren. But still, to say that this show is a huge disappointment is a gross understatement, so much so, that the only reason I still watch is for Katie and for the annual crossovers. But, to actually make keeping up with the show tolerable, I had to pretty much mentally rewrite most of the show and headcanon the shit out of it, and make my way through with all the denial I can manage. So, this is how I like to pretend that the show actually went. And even though I doubt anyone will read this - this is more for my getting my thoughts down -  bear in mind, this is super anti F*licity with all the nolicity feelings I have. Also, after reading a whole bunch of posts with the same feelings as me, this became a sort of mashed clusterfuck of ideas that came together from everywhere.

SO first of all, Laurel is a metahuman, you know, like she should have been. What the fuck was the idea behind not giving her actual powers? That’s just stupid. So yeah, either Laurel was in Central City when the particle accelerator exploded, or some other freak accident gave her the canary cry. I don’t care how it happened, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that Laurel is the team’s meta, and it caused her to want to don a mask even before Sara was killed.

Next, I’d like to think that she got the hang of street fighting a lot faster. Like, I appreciate that it took her awhile to be able to handle herself on the streets, but this “Oliver is the best fighter” mindset is absolute bullshit. Ik we’ve all been thinking of the Arrow as a bargain-bin Batman (and the horrendous bullet we dodged that was the mere suggestion that F*licity could ever be anything close to Oracle didn’t help), but I am so sick of Oliver’s fighting abilities being thought of as if he was the freaking Batman. Bullshit. I’ll admit, Oliver can fight and hold his own; he’d have to to be a vigilante facing down supervillains on a constant basis, that’s fine. But the Black Canary is one of the best fighters in the DC universe, and I will be damned if that was never acknowledged here. 

So the way I see it, Laurel not only kept up with Oliver and Roy while on patrol, but after he came back from his new life in Ivy Town, Oliver comes to realize that she’s actually better than him. Like, I want them to be out on the field, and she’s literally outdoing him at every turn. And at first, he’s all, “Damn, I must be a bit rusty,” but it becomes clear after a couple more episodes, when he no longer has that excuse, that she’s actually running circles around him, whether it’s on patrol or while they’re sparring. In fact, I want an entire scene of them sparring in the bunker, and as distracted as everyone else is doing their own thing, everyone can clearly see that she’s holding back, and Oliver thinks that her head’s just not in it.

Oliver: Come on, I know you can do better than that!

Laurel: Nah, it’s okay. This is a good pace.

Oliver: Come on, you’ll never get better if you don’t give it your all. Let me have it!

And then she brutally knocks him on his ass.

“Lucky shot,” he grumbles as he gets up and gets ready for another round, and Laurel has a look on her face that’s almost annoyed, but honestly, she’s been waiting for forever to knock him down a peg. Diggle, Thea, and Roy are trying not to laugh in the background.

And speaking of Thea and Roy, holy shit, Roy doesn’t leave! Whoever came up with that idea needs a good smack. Team Arrow comes up with literally any other plan and Roy fucking stays! Thea, is instead given the mantle Artemis with her own outfit. Yeah, ik it still wouldn’t give us the Artemis Crock storyline, but it’s still better than the Evelyn Sharp bullshit that we ended up with. We currently have two tech geniuses on the team, what’s wrong with three archers? They could continue having their relationship ups and downs as subplots as the show goes on. I would even like that at some point, they decide to get their own place together, and Thea decides to sell her old apartment (you know, the one she was brutally stabbed in) to afford a nice one with Roy. And I would like F*licity try in vain to hide how much of an asshole she is by getting all indignant about it. Like, Thea offers to sell it to F*licity first, but she tries to spin it like, “You didn’t want it anymore, so I took it, so it’s mine now?” And everyone’s like, “What? No, that’s literally her apartment, which she bought with her father’s money? Idk how the hell it came to be thought of as yours anyway?” And she eventually has to break down and either buy it or move out because Thea and Roy have their hearts set on getting their own place.

As far as nolicity goes, I always thought that they would at some point have a brief relationship (a ship that I originally didn’t care for, but quickly became my ultimate notp) which would be doomed from the start due to having little to no romantic chemistry, and even though F*licity definitely had a strong sexual attraction to Oliver, she mostly seemed to view him as an older brother; or at least, Oliver viewed her as a slightly annoying younger sister.

But because of Guggenheim’s constant interference, the will-they-won’t-they crap just kept dragging on and on and on until holy fuck I have negative five care points to spend on these two assholes, just give me more BC! Their relationship has to be the most boring aspect of the show, something that’s definitely not helped by the fact that F*licity is an emotionally abusive and manipulative piece of shit Mary Sue. Seriously, for the amount of times that she’s been really vocal about how hypocritical and controlling she is, it just boggles the mind how few times anyone has called her out for it. I say few, because it has happened before, twice I believe, once by Oliver, who calmly insisted, “Enough,” and once by Ray Palmer after she threw his dead fiance in his face. Classy lady, isn’t she? But the farther this show goes on, the more she gets away with and the more infuriating it is that Oliver becomes the bad guy in her place. And holy shit the fact that literally everyone needs to assure Oliver - and the audience - that they are, in Guggenheim’s world, the perfect couple. I honestly can’t tell anymore if he actually believes this, and is just trying to shove his own weird obsession with EBR down everyone else’s throats, or if he’s just trying to get those of us who don’t like the ship to come to the dark side. Either way, I’m not buying any of this shit. SO, for every time that there’s a character to remind everyone how “good” Oliver and F*licity are together, take a shot, and then block out their words and then replace them with various observances and reassurances on Oliver’s behalf. I’d like to think that those closest to him, like Diggle, Laurel, and Thea were totally ready to call F*licity out on her shit whenever she started taking things out on Oliver, but he would subtly shake his head and calmly assure them later on that “F*licity’s right, I’m wrong. But no really guys, we’re totally happy together, I’d just appreciate it if you guys not confront her because she’s the queen of right on every subject ever and I’m just lucky to be with her.” 

And the rest of Team Arrow just reluctantly agrees not to say anything unless Oliver is the one to bring up that he has a problem with her, but are totally ready to throw down at moment’s notice. Even people outside of Team Arrow notice it and tend to comment, with characters like Mick and Constantine on the crass side of the spectrum with phrases like “Does she occasionally let you take your balls out of her purse?” and more sensitive words from people like Barry and Sara, who actually try to get it through his head that, despite what F*licity says, not everything is his fault, and he does not deserve to be kicked around by her over situations that he had little to no control over (Samantha and William, anyone?)

And then there’s Damien Darhk. Hoo boy, my hate towards him killing Laurel burns with the fury of a thousand suns. There was literally no reason for it, you know, besides eliminating her as a threat to Nolicity. Except, she wasn’t even a threat?? It was pretty clear that Laurel and Oliver weren’t even considering a romantic relationship, and even I, as a hardcore GA/BC shipper, didn’t even want them to get back together at this point. Despite the unintentional victimization of Oliver, Laurel absolutely did not deserve any of his shit. So, as much as I wished that F*licity was the one who died, Laurel was still targeted by Darhk in order to get back at Lance, but she doesn’t just die and that’s it! She gets to be critically injured - getting intentionally stabbed by a former member of the League of Assassins tends to be pretty life-threatening - but she does get to heal while in the hospital and make it back out onto the field to continue as BC.

Hell, I’d even be okay with her actually dying that night if, and only if, they brought her back. For a universe based on superhero comic books, Guggenheim and company seemed to have totally forgotten (or just outright ignored) how often characters get brought back from the dead, at times in pretty nonsensical ways. But here, there was a way to conceivably bring her back; there were three in fact: In Arrow, the Lazarus pits would have been available; Flash could have brought her back with the introduction of Flashpoint, or you know, Sara, who happens to captain a fucking timeship could have brought her back, either by manipulating the timeline, or by pulling a Kingsmen II and had just shown up right after Darhk stabbed Laurel to revive her. I would’ve happily gone along with Team Arrow believing that Laurel was dead if the plot twist was that the Legends brought her aboard the Waverider so that Gideon could heal her.

Sidenote: ik that this would have never have happened simply because all of the Arrowverse shows have to check in with each other to some degree so that they’re all on the same page, but wouldn’t it have been absolutely fan-fucking-tastic if, after Arrow had confirmed that BC was for sure dead and wasn’t coming back, that Flash and LoT just totally undermined it. Like, if Laurel was brought back with either Flashpoint or the Waverider, and KC’s just hanging out on a different set while Arrow just tries its damnedest to discredit them?

Arrow: She’s dead.

Flash/LoT: Well she was, but she got better.

Arrow: She’s def not coming back.

Flash/LoT: Not until you learn to be nice to her anyway.

Arrow: She’s not the real Laurel. Our Laurel is D E A D

Flash/LoT: Nope, this is definitely her, and she’s going on cool adventures with us because SHE’S A DAMN GOOD CHARACTER AND YOU DICKBAGS NEVER DESERVED HER

All the while more of Arrow’s fans flock to every show except Arrow until the assholes in charge of the decision to kill Laurel finally have to (publicly) beg to have her back because literally no one will watch their shitty show anymore without BC, and then they’re forced to respect her character and give her a fair amount of screen time. That would just be poetic justice in my book.

So as season 5 kicks off, Oliver, Roy, AND Laurel take in and train the new recruits to join Team Arrow. I don’t have much to change about this season except that since Laurel isn’t dead, and as much as I like Juliana Harkavy, there’s literally no reason to bring in Dinah Drake. Also the shared hallucination in the Invasion! crossover partially rekindles the romance between Laurel and Oliver, which actually feels pretty heartfelt and like it could possibly lead to them getting back together for real. 

And then F*licity ruins it because that’s what she does.

F*licity and Oliver get back together and things progress normally, with the rest of Team Arrow quietly building up a resentment towards the abusiveness of their relationship. I’d also like to think that since Curtis had progressed as a team member, that there’s a slight undertone of “what is she even here for anymore?” among them. Like, whenever she butts in with her hypocritical opinions, someone else will actually step in like, “Hey, you’ve had a long day, so why don’t you go ahead and go home. Don’t worry, Curtis knows what he’s doing, so we’ve got this. Yes, we’ll call you if we need something, but don’t worry. You’ve worked hard today! You deserve a break!” Meanwhile, the rest of the team is literally patching themselves back together with bandages and whatnot, blood and sweat everywhere, all giving each other The Look™ when she nods like, “Yeah, you’re right, I could use a hot meal and a shower. Plus, this tracking system is so simple an idiot could use it, just try not to fuck it up while I’m gone.” Still, no one says anything because Oliver is back to trying to make it work between them, and she occasionally helps William with his homework, so he can’t complain.

William btw, while appreciating the fact that F*licity brings intelligent conversation with her, has not forgotten how much of a bitch she was when trying to save him. Sure, he wasn’t present while all the shit-talking was going down, but there was no way that Samantha didn’t mention it at least in passing later on. “I’m amazed at how much Oliver has grown as a person. He was a real jackass when I knew him before, but he was genuinely worried about you and how we’d get you back. I just wish that the blonde chick he was working with wasn’t being such a pain about it. Like she had any right to any of our business, or any right to be a bitch about the rescue mission.” At this point, nolicity’s domestic life is pretty much out of some crappy fanfiction, and I will be damned if William doesn’t get to bring up F*licity’s pettiness at least once.

And since F*licity apparently feels threatened when Oliver’s past love life gets brought up, William tends to go to his Aunt Thea whenever he feels the need to talk about his mom without having to feel as if he’s the one bringing up a touchy subject. She’s also the one to get him out of the house whenever Nolicity gets especially nauseating at home, and he ends up growing a bond with the rest of Team Arrow in the process. While he still doesn’t want Oliver to be the Arrow anymore, he grows to respect the rest of the team, and ends up with all of their numbers in case he needs any of them to kidnap him for the day. He gets to spend some time in the bunker while they’re out on missions (with Diggle under the hood, of course). Funnily enough, after one mission without F*licity or Oliver, he asks Thea, “So what exactly do you need F*licity for anyway?” And Thea explains that she’s usually down in the bunker handling all the tech stuff while they’re all out in the field, but then he says, “Yeah, but Curtis was handling all that and working in the field??” And Thea and Roy exchange The Look™ again and change the subject.

Things finally come to a head during the Crisis on Earth-X crossover. Oliver, totally taken by the magic that is WestAllen still proposes during the rehearsal dinner, and F*licity, still very publicly says no. Classy. Naz*s invade and everything goes to shit, and Oliver and F*licity still try to make things about them while shit is literally falling apart around them, and to the people whose wedding actually got ruined for some reason. To her credit, Iris doesn’t outright tell F*licity that she’s being a self-obsessed drama queen at what is literally the worst possible time, but she does put out a few comments that both remind F*licity that it was in fact Iris’s day that was ruined, and gets her to shut the fuck up.

F*licity: Oh, wah! Oliver and I had a fight and then naz*s ruined any chance of makeup sex! Wah!

Iris: They literally ruined my wedding and abducted my groom.

F*licity: *internally* oh fuck I forgot about that

Meanwhile on Earth-X:

Oliver: Oh, wah! F*licity said she wouldn’t marry me after I proposed at your rehearsal dinner! Wah!

Barry: Yeah, what the fuck was that about anyway?

Oliver: Ikr? She wouldn’t say yes even after all the beautiful things that were said during the speech! If that doesn’t scream romance, idk what will!

Barry: I actually meant, why the fuck would you propose at the rehearsal when you can do it at literally any other time that isn’t supposed to be about Iris and I getting married?

Oliver: There was magic in the air!

Barry: *facepalm*

No, but the conversation between Barry and Oliver would go on to a touching, if not repetitive explanation about how Oliver was so taken, not just with Barry and Iris’s union, but the idea that Barry has been able to balance his life as a hero and his personal life. Oliver had once told him, “Guys like us don’t get the girl,” but Barry actually did it. And Oliver was envious, because his own life was one clusterfuck after another, with an on-again-off-again relationship that he’s only sort of making it work, and after the Dominator’s simulator, he realized how much he wanted his life as Oliver Queen to be fulfilling and filled with love, and how much he wants a partner in both halves of his life, like Barry and what he has with Iris. And throughout all this, Barry listens and quickly notices that throughout his whole explanation, Oliver never once uses F*licity’s name; he doesn’t even bring her up specifically. Barry probably means to point this out, but Oliver brushes him off thinking that he’s just going to tell him off some more, because that’s what he’s come to expect from having F*licity around all the time, and that’s what people who love you do, right?

It’s actually Snart’s doppelganger who points this out (after eavesdropping on their entire conversation) and suggests that maybe Oliver just hasn’t found the right person to be his partner the way he wants. “Just look at Barry and Iris, or me and Ray.” Oliver shrugs him off too, and just resigns himself to the loneliness of either being without F*licity, or being with her in all the wrong ways.

They get back to Earth-1, Supergirl is saved, yadda yadda yadda. I would like to change Stein’s death into him also making a miraculous recovery and leaving the show still intact. Just, using naz*s to kill off a Jewish character? REALLY?? Fuck all of that. Anyway, Barry and Iris still decide on an impromptu wedding right after *insert literally any event that doesn’t involve killing off Martin so disrespectfully* and Barry still brings Diggle to perform the ceremony, and Joe, Cecile and Wally are present because of course they fucking are. You could even argue for Cisco and Caitlin, but it doesn’t matter to me as much if they’re there. So Barry and Iris exchange vows, say their I do’s, and-

Fucking F*licity interrupts. Because of course she fucking does. “Would you marry us, too? Would you marry me?” A moment of silence and then everyone just explodes.

Barry: Seriously, though? After waiting my entire life for this, two more seconds is literally all I could have asked for

Wally: I’m a speedster, and I could have waited a couple more seconds

Iris: Really? Can I not just have one (1) wedding go uninterrupted?

Joe: In retrospect, we probably should have waited until these assholes left and done this at STAR Labs or something

And F*licity just gets overwhelmed because she’s literally never had so many people tell her she was wrong in her entire fucking life and Diggle tries to mediate (no matter how much he agrees with the rest of Team Flash).

Diggle: F*licity, you don’t even have a marriage license.

F*licity: Oh, no, it’s okay, John! We could just share the moment with Barry and Iris, and then go get a marriage license when we get back to Star City and have our own wedding there.

And then everyone explodes again because, seriously what the FUCK? “So I have to share my second interrupted wedding, and you’re just going home to have another one of your own?” And literally everyone is so fucking frustrated and angry, even more so because they all knew they should have been celebrating at that very moment but F*licity seems to think her awkwardness is still cute when it might just be the most infuriating thing ever. Finally she turns back to Oliver, who hasn’t said anything since she proposed like, “Hey?! A little help here?!” And Oliver is busy with finally seeing her without the rose-colored glasses and seeing her as the selfish and problematic person she is and it’s fucking glorious because he’s just so calm but everyone hears him when he just says, “No.”

F*licity: What? NO? What do you mean, NO?

Oliver: No, F*licity, as in, no, I’m not gonna help you ruin their second wedding, no I’m not going to defend you after fucking this up, and NO I won’t marry you. Not here and definitely not now.

Everyone else is pretty taken aback because up until now, no one’s ever told Queen Fefe off and they’re all doing an internal happy dance at how, for once, Oliver isn’t backing her up. Oliver and F*licity have a staring contest, F*licity waiting for him to back down, and Oliver holding his ground, until F*licity, finally realizing that she’s been unanimously outvoted, just storms off without saying anything, probably expecting Oliver to come running after her to apologize. But he doesn’t. He actually just quietly apologizes to Barry and Iris, and stays in his place as a groomsman (best man, my ass) and stands and waits for Cecile to take up her new place as matron of honor (how the fuck Fefe got that position is beyond me) all the while having this look on his face that says “It had to be done, but I’m gonna catch serious hell when I get home.” Diggle repeats himself in pronouncing Barry and Iris as husband and wife, they kiss, and the crossover ends with an UNBLOCKED shot of them two while their remaining wedding party claps it out.

I would keep everything in the gift scene in next episode of The Flash exactly the same except for Iris’s line is changed to, “Okay, not on the registry, but I guess trying to get married during our wedding wasn’t on the registry either. I’m not bitter.”

The whole wedding reception scene in Arrow is also completely done away with, and replaced with a long-awaited breakup scene, the one to end all breakup scenes (between nolicity anyway). Down in the bunker, it starts off with (what else?) F*licity trying to blame everything on Oliver. “Shit like this is why I didn’t wanna marry you. And then I put MYSELF out there and what do I get? Rejected, that’s what! I get rejected and humiliated in front of everyone!” And then she rambles on and throws in a couple references of the island and how he hasn’t changed since his frat boy days for good measure. Some guilt tripping and a few hypocritical statements later, and then she ends it. Or, at least, that’s what it’s supposed to be, but it really comes off as more of a threat to end it. Her closing statement sounds a lot like “You better straighten up because you’re damn lucky to have me.”

And Oliver just kind of silently stews until she finishes and he immediately jumps into how far he’d obviously come since his five years on the island, and how unfair it was for her to throw that in his face, and even worse how she tried so hard to justify butting her way into Barry and Iris’s special moment to further put herself in the spotlight. She tries to butt in a couple times (like she does) but gets immediately shut down because hell to the fucking no that was not okay. It ends with them trying to yell over each other, and F*licity yelling, “Well maybe I shouldn’t even be on this team anymore since you’ve made it pretty clear that you don’t need me!” right as the rest of the team walk in. They immediately try to backtrack, but F*licity, being her usual dramatic self yells, “No! No, you stay! I’ll go! He obviously doesn’t need me anyway!” and just leaves.

The rest of the team is just so shell shocked and embarrassed at having walked in at that exact moment (they’d all secretly been hoping to be there at that exact moment because that’d mean they’d officially have permission to drag F*licity the way she should have been several seasons ago) but the moment turned out to be more awkward than anyone could have hoped, so no one really knows what to do. “You alright, Hoss?” Oliver pretends that the past minute never happened and redirects everyone’s attention to the latest update on Cayden James. Meanwhile, Laurel, recognizing that Oliver is going to opt out of dealing with the problem, quietly excuses herself and leaves the bunker after F*licity. And Laurel finds her just outside the bunker, pacing because was she was actually expecting Oliver to run up after her after causing that big scene.

Laurel: That was some fight you guys just had.

F*licity: What, oh that? Nah, Oliver’s just being a jerk. Don’t worry about me, we’ll be-

Laurel: Where the hell do you get off talking to him like that?

F*licity: Wait, what?

Laurel then unleashes the mother of all lectures, bringing up every single problematic thing F*licity has ever said or done, which is pretty much anything and everything anyone has ever had to complain about the Mary Sue-ish nature of her character, every time she’s been an asshole, every time that she and the rest of the team has wanted nothing more than to tell her to shut the fuck up but how Oliver had asked them not to because of how much he wanted their shitty relationship to work, whether they were together or broken up at the time. F*licity tries to keep a stoic facial expression, but it’s pretty clear that she’s embarrassed and angry and incredibly surprised because damn, first Oliver and Team Flash, and now Laurel is calling her out on her shit and she was so far from expecting it. Laurel, to her credit, never even raises her voice, because she doesn’t want the rest of the team to hear and get involved, and she makes it clear that no one is kicking her off the team (if she wanted to leave, then that was her own prerogative) but she’s just so glad that she finally gets to unload everything she’d been holding back since Oliver and F*licity had gotten together and the bitch was not going to worm her way out of it this time. Her rant ends with the sentence, “Don’t think for even a second that you’re in the right about any of this,” and she turns on her heel and heads back down to the bunker while F*licity stays frozen where she stands, still trying to absorb that she’d just been told off, and how no one was going to apologize for it.

In the upcoming days, it seems like F*licity is gone for good; she hasn’t come back down to the bunker or contacted anyone on the team, and the team slowly adjusts to not having her around (and encouraging Oliver in that he did the right thing by breaking it off). Curtis pretty much takes over her role on the team (he’s the third smartest person in the DC universe, dammit! Why in the fuck has he been reduced to Fefe’s sidekick?!) and makes time to go out on patrol with the others and besides not having anyone back in the bunker, the team dynamic really doesn’t change. But just as things escalate with Cayden James, F*licity comes back; she shows up unannounced at the bunker after the team comes back from the field, and insists that she’s ready to resume her role as Overwatch. The rest of the team is pretty iffy considering all the drama that she’d left in her wake, but they agree to take her back because they’d probably need all the help they could get against Cayden. So the show goes on, with some tension still between Oliver and F*licity, but Laurel quickly shuts her up with a look every time it looks like she’s about to start some shit.

Team Arrow obtains the list of people on Diaz’s payroll, and after some celebrating on taking down the bad guy, F*licity announces that she was officially leaving the team. There’s a lot of confusion, since she made such a big deal about wanting to come back, but she explains how she only wanted to finish what she started with Cayden James, and now that the mission is over, she’s ready to go back to a normal life, like what she had originally planned when joining the team back in the first season. This scene is actually a bittersweet one; no matter any of our opinions on how badly this character was fucked up, she was a part of the original team, and her departure from it should be treated like the end of an era. She leaves, but not before assuring them that she would help out if they ever need it.

Idk what the future holds for the plot, but as far as GA/BC being endgame (because they were, dammit) I actually wouldn’t want it to happen in the next season. Now with F*licity gone, Oliver got bumped up from the second to the biggest asshole in the Arrowverse, and like I said before, Laurel absolutely does not deserve his shit. So I don’t want there to be any romantic relationship between them at all, for at least one whole season. Hell, I want them to date other people during this season. At this point, I’d just really like to see their friendship to become more solid. I want them both to come to terms with what happened between them in the past, and decide to extend their partnership. I want Oliver (and the rest of the team) to see Laurel as his equal, not as his potential love interest, and definitely not his sidekick. I want Oliver to start resembling his comic book counterpart at this point. I want him to more frequently crack jokes and become less like a Batman wannabe. It felt like that’s the Oliver we were supposed to get when this show started, after he’d had a chance to deal with some of his trauma.

The eighth season is when Oliver and Laurel start showing romantic interest in each other again. They maybe start flirting while on the field, and eventually they go out on dates without the masks. And at first it’s weird, because of all the history they share, and a running gag where every time they sit down, they’re immediately summoned on a mission (original, ik). But they not only find the time to be together, but they actually realize that the life actually works for them, because there are no more secrets between them anymore. I want them to start calling each other Pretty Bird and Robin Hood and pretty much all the fluffy (and probably smutty) scenes that it would take for their relationship to better resemble their comic book counterparts. And their chemistry is just as good as it was in the first season, when you could just look at Oliver and see just how in love he was with Laurel, only better now that they both share the vigilante lifestyle.

This all eventually leads to them getting married; it doesn’t matter if it happens in the eighth season or the ninth, but the proposal is similar to the 2010 Green Arrow short, where he proposes while in full costume after completing a mission together.

Their wedding could be the premise for the annual crossover, but I wouldn’t mind if it was purely an episode of Arrow. If it’s not a crossover, then I would at least like a brief cameo of Barry and Iris, probably calling or video chatting them before the wedding, wishing them luck because they sadly can’t make it due to having to deal with this season’s villain. But Sara has to be there, for sure; with or without the rest of her team, she needs to be present as the maid of honor.

And their wedding gets interrupted, because of course it does (probs by Orm leading the Atlanteans or some shit) so they break up the wedding party to suit up and join the fight. This is actually the first time we see F*licity since she left. They need her tech skills yet again because Curtis was either incapacitated during the fight, or he’s off on a trip somewhere with the hot police officer from this past season. Anyway, they’re at whatever office/genius bar she’s working at, hovering while she does her thing, and she’s rambling on as per usual until she says something like, “I expected to hear from you like everyday, tbh. I’m honestly surprised everything didn’t fall apart the moment I left.” And everyone just kinda rolls their eyes like, damn, what a bitch. And then she makes it more awkward when it comes out that Oliver and Laurel’s wedding was supposed to take place earlier that day, and it’s like, “Oh, so I guess you are willing to get married, just not to me!” And Oliver has to physically hold Laurel back from cussing her out because, “We need her, okay?”

The episode/crossover ends with the team (and William and F*licity because reasons) back in whatever location they’re using as the Arrow Cave at this point, everyone in full costume, patching up their injuries, and it overall looking like the shawarma scene from the first Avengers movie. And despite having just won the day, everyone’s still sorry that they couldn’t finish the wedding. So, just like how Barry and Iris should’ve had their second wedding in STAR Labs, they decide to hold their wedding in the Arrow Cave. So, everyone still tired and dirty from their recent fight, but it still makes for an interesting ceremony. But it’s mostly because I want Oliver to lift Laurel’s mask the way he would’ve lifted her veil. And not only do they actually have vows, they’re actually pretty fucking beautiful. Like, Oliver’s are about how he’s loved her for most of his life, but how this is the first time where he feels like he’s finally worthy of her, and how he sees her as an equal, and as his partner in both halves of his life. Laurel’s reflect on how they went from friends to lovers, to strained acquaintances, back to friends, to actual partners, and eventually back to lovers. And no matter how many times their paths lead away from each other, they were forever intertwined. And then Diggle pronounces them husband and wife and everyone cheers.

F*licity hangs back from the rest of the crowd that’s hugging and kissing and congratulating, because she really can’t stop herself from thinking “That should have been me,” but she manages to keep it (mostly) classy and only hints towards the thought twice in her rambling congratulations. In the end, she hugs the both of them, and makes her exit right after Oliver and Laurel stroll out to catch their plane to their honeymoon.

[thehollowprince]

Hey, it’s the “coding” anon here and honestly that answer to my question was excellent and the exact reason I come to your blog. I would absolutely love to hear you go on about the fetishization of m/m relationships!

This has been sitting in my inbox for over a week, and I want to apologize. I'm sorry for taking so long to get to this one, but I'm overworked at the moment. I've been pulling 60+ hour work weeks, by myself and I haven't had off since the first of December, so I'm a little tired. But I'm here and I'm ready to murder this bitch of a subject.

For starters, and for context, in case anyone who sees this doesn't follow my blog or, if you do and don't really pay attention, I am a gay man, so a lot of this comes from my own personal experience.

Now, onward my fandom soldiers.

M|M Fetishization & Objectification

I've only been super active within fandom spaces for the last couple of years. Before that, I just scrolled through Tumblr and reblogged gifsets and fluffy headcanons and whatnot, but even then I noticed a trend in fandoms that made me uncomfortable. That trend was the overabundance of gay men (chatacters) in fandom works, especially when there either weren't any gay men in that show or book or whatever.

I'm not at all saying we need less of that. I want and need more gay characters in the things I watch and read. That's actually one of the criteria I look for before I start a new show, or a book series or comics. I want to see myself represented in the media I consume, even if it is only this one tiny piece of who I am. But the problem for me arose when I saw all these fan works and headcanons and gifsets and thesis length metas about gay or bi male characters that were neither of those things in their original source material.

The biggest examples of this occured in fairly popular shows that I loved at one point, but do to a combination of bad writing and then the horrible fandom, drove me to actively dislike and avoid them. And that's always a sad thing, when you end up losing the love you had for something because others just won't let you enjoy it as it is.

Those two examples are Teen Wolf and Supernatural.

For years I watched people go on and on and on and on about Stiles Stilinski and Dean Winchester and how they were bisexual and so on and so forth.

There's nothing wrong with headcanoning a character as gay or bisexual, especially when those characters are severely lacking on screen and on paper. The problem arose when the fandom at large started to ignore the ACTUAL gay or bisexual characters that are in these shows and focus solely on their headcanons as the only representation in the show.

To start with Teen Wolf, we had, in the first season, an openly gay character that everybody in the school loved, that being Danny Mahealani. This character was introduced as gay from the very start, but oddly enough, there is almost no large fandom meta or fics or anything about him. In fact, a lot of his traits and qualities ended up transferred to Stiles, such as his intelligence and overall popularity. Hell, even Danny's attraction to Derek was stolen and transferred to him. These aren't things that Stiles is overall known for in the actual canon. He's clumsy and socially awkward and on the outskirts of the school like Scott (the main character) and has been obsessed (to the point of being considered a stalker) with one girl since elementary school, but somehow, in fandom, Stiles is suddenly the genius polyglot queer with severe depression who has a crush on the broody muscular werewolf who just wants somebody to love him.

Fandom created this portrayal of the character that didn't exist anywhere in the fandom except for his appearance. The reason I saw behind this was twofold. 1: fangirls (fandom is mostly female) want to see two "hot" guys kiss and get it on because they get off to it, much in the same way that straight men get off to lesbian porn. 2: Stiles (or any of these headcanoned characters) becomes a sort of self insert.

What I mean by that second one is that women and girls find a male character that's not "too masculine", usually kind of gangly or skinny, somewhat on the effeminate side. Someone that they can project their ideas and insecurities and so forth onto so that they can that pursue that relationship with the hunky manly man that they want to bang.

You may be asking yourself, "Why don't they just use one of the female characters as a self insert?" and I'm here to tell you that I have neither the time nor the experience to go into detail about internalized misogyny and how effects the way women do almost everything, even watching and interpreting their media.

But the reason they chose the male character is that, years ago, during the dark days of FF.net there was a lot of self insert OCs that infiltrated almost every level of fanfiction. Which caused the fandom gatekeepers to rear out of their hibernation and just shame anyone who tried to introduce an Original Character to this already beautiful world and ruin it with their lusts. Thus the OCs slowly disappeared and identifying with the male sidekick was born. And this is generally where we get the whole "my smol gay son!" bullshit. (side note: please keep in mind that 75% of shows are male characters and their problems, which is another cause for female fans to identify solely with men.)

So, for years, I watched Danny, and then his boyfriend Ethan, being shoved aside in fandom spaces so that the fans could focus Sterek (Stiles and Derek) despite the fact that both characters were stared to be heterosexual and that, on screen, they expressed nothing but mutual dislike for one another, if not outright hatred. This got so bad that Sterek, the crack ship whose members had no romantic or sexual interactions whatsoever, managed to beat (by a very large margin) actual gay ships from both this show and others in a fan poll. It got even worse when the character of Danny was written off the show (with no explanation) and we were introduced to the character of Mason.

Mason Hewitt was everything that fandom!Stiles was. He was smart and funny and openly gay and crushing on a hot werewolf. He even did the research that the fandom loved to attribute to Stiles, literally everything that the fandom had Stiles doing in fanon, but somehow the love for him (Mason) wasn't that big of a note in the fandom. I mean, Mason was even a major plot point of season five and the pack's mission to stop the Beast, but i heard nothing but cricket chirps from the fandom.

You'd think that after Stiles was written out of the show for the last season that maybe Mason will get some love now, right?

Wrong!

I didn't think it was possible to get any worse, but the fandom proved me wrong. Because instead of focusing all their pent up energy on Mason and his boyfriend, Corey, who had a number of cute moments in that final season, these fans focused on another crack ship that had no basis anywhere except in their fantasies. That ship being Thiam, which is based, once again, around two characters who actively dislike, if not outright hate, each other and even physically assault one another. But no, that apparently is a display of affection by someone who is emotionally stunted and just needs love to blossom and be his true self.

You notice how often the fetishization of homosexuality (even if only imagined) intersects with woobification?

You'll notice, if you look at Danny and Mason, that they're both POC, with Danny being brown (Hawai'ian) and Mason being black. Now, as I've said before on this blog multiple times, I am the Whittest White Man to ever White, so I don't have any qualifications to talk about fandom racism, so I'm just going to leave that little nugget there for you to think about and interpret how you will.

Moving on to Supernatural...

Before we start with this one, understand that I have not watched this show outside of an episode here and there since season eight, because I realized that no, this show wasn't going to get any better, so if any of this is contradictory to what has happened over the past six seasons (god, this show needs to die!) I do apologize.

Dean Winchester... I never really liked this character, especially as the show went on and I started to actively dislike and then, hate him. So it was annoying not being able to go into any aspect of the Supernatural fandom without coming across a post about Dean and his issues or his Bi sexiness or how his brother was mean to him.

Also, people, understand that this wasn't a new revelation for me. My dislike for Dean and the fandom's obsession with making him bisexual just so they could hook him up with Cas wasn't an overnight decision. I was there...

I was there at the Beginning, when this show first aired, when the ONLY constant characters on this show were Sam and Dean. I endured the hellfire that was Wincest and its infection of almost the entire fandom. Like, that right there, that was one of the most extreme cases of m|m fetishization I've ever seen, because the fandom needed to get off to two guys being together so badly that they turned to actual brothers for want of any other male character.

That's why Destiel immediately became so popular, because here was another guy that we saw with semi regularity that wasn't rated to the Winchesters, obviously they were meant to ship them.

Now, you may be asking yourself, "I thought this bitch was going to talk about gay fetishization, not his dislike for one character?" to which I'll just say I very easily go off tangent. But all of that is relevant because, come one of these later seasons, there was a scene where Dean was at a bar and the (male) bartender hit on him, and he didn't react negatively or homophobic.

Oh, my God, I watched my dash and the tags explode in post after post, meta after meta, about how Bi Dean was canon confirmed! Now he and Cas will HAVE to be together, because its canon that Dean likes guys. and Cas is an angel, who doesn't follow human sexual limitations, and... blah, blah, blah.

Cut to a few years later, and we're introduced to a character named Max Banes, a witch and hunter, who is openly gay and flirts with Sam in his first appearance. Where were all of his metas and fanfics and headcanons? Granted, he only appeared in two episodes, but I have watched people in this and other fandoms build mountains our of molehills, going on and on about how two male characters weren't actually straight and how they were destined to be together because the once wore similar style shirts a couple of seasons apart, or because of a carnation in a jacket pocket that signified love via the Victorian flower code (or something like that), or how the wallpaper of that room they shared a scene in was a subtle clue to their true desire for each other, etc.

And I'm not exaggerating there, those are actual examples I've seen in fandoms over the years.

But back to Max, why is it that he was left along the wayside, despite fitting most of the criteria that fandoms love in their m|m ships while Dean had entire thesis level posts about that time he shared a glance with Castiel or he let a bartender hit on him and not get upset?

And its not just these two shows, not by a long shot. If you were to go into literally any fandom of a certain size or bigger, you will come across fans putting two straight characters together because of "the chemistry" they have. Even if those characters are confirmed to be straight - especially if those characters are confirmed to be straight. Because when these loud fans don't get their crack ship that they rub one out to, they scream queerbaiting and homophobia and oppression, harassing the actors and producers and directors and writers.

Here are some others that just pop to the front of my mind...

Asher Millstone from How To Get Away With Murder (saw him shipped with Connor a lot, despite Connor's actual boyfriend)

Sherlock Holmes and John Watson from BBC's Sherlock

Tony Stark from Marvel comics (all because of one panel where he said "ladies and gents" when he announced he was off the market

Literally any male character in the MCU, which is his we get the things like Stucky and Stony that permeate the fandom on almost every level (and some leeway is given here because of the MCU's lack of wueer characters)

Klaus Mikaelson and Stefan Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries/The Originals (honestly, I was surprised that people in the TVD fandom weren't immediately all over Josh and Lucas, because they're literally everything that fans want and use in their headcanon gays)

Kol Mikaelson and Jeremg Gilbert, also from TVD

Elia and Filippo from Skam Italia (despite there being, once again, actual gay characters on this show. Hell, the entire second season was dedicated to a character coming out of the closet and being with a guy)

Etc.

I could go on and on but then this post would seem infinite.

Closing thoughts, please keep in mind that I am just one guy and that my opinions don't represent everyone in fandom spaces. But also bear in mind, that my frustrations are well founded and valid from my own experiences in the fandom.

My sexuality and the fact that I'm attracted to men is not a toy for a bunch of sexually repressed fangirls who think two guys being together is hot.

[renaroo]

The Things That Wait (1/4)

Disclaimer: Red vs Blue and related characters are the property of Rooster Teeth. Warnings: CHARACTER DEATH, Language, Canon-typical violence, Psychological manipulation and trauma Rating: T Synopsis: [Reverse Big Bang Entry] Tucker opens an unexpected email that ends up sending himself and all of the Reds and Blues toward a collision course with the unexpected and the completely deadly. In doing so, they face a beast familiar to many of them -- the Meta -- whose single minded efforts to complete himself with what remains of the Project Freelancer AIs could spell the death for more than a few of them..

A/N: AT LAST! My entry for the Reverse Big Bang held by @rvbficwars in collaboration with my sister from another mister, always lovely and enjoyable beyond compare @theeffar who made me SO pleased by giving me an excuse to create a real Horror Story for an RvB fic -- the one genre I’ve really wanted to try out in RvB but have so far -- until right now -- not had the opportunity for!

The Reverse Big Bang was a blast and working with Effar is, as always, a blast. So very much thank you to the other mods of the blog for running such a smooth, tight ship and for working with me in all my silliness and the confusion of the last few weeks as I tried to straighten out my evolving situation. 

The final wordcount for this chapter is 5454 exactly, and the overall wordcount for this four-part fic should be 24k! So YAY! I hope it’s as enjoyable to read as it was to write!

Starting at Zero

One thing they neglected to tell Tucker about being promoted and reassigned was just how fucking boring it was going to be. Which one wouldn’t have thought because, for one, he was having to work with the exact aliens that had been trying to wipe out the entirety of the human race for the whole Great War. That, alone, should have been full of excitement.

But fighting aliens was a lot less dangerous than being worshipped by them, and as much as Tucker’s self-proclaimed ego might have determined otherwise, he was not enjoying the constant drooling of four-jawed creatures who were constantly trying to touch his kid.

Which was weird and creepy.

The other thing they hadn’t told him about his assignment was that he was not the only one to be sent on it. That, as it turned out, happened to be one of the nicer surprises. What with Donut not being the least likable person on the planet. Even for a Red.

Not that Reds and Blues were real.

Maybe that was why they assigned him to the stupid desert in the middle of nowhere. The fact that he could not pretend that Reds and Blues were still a thing, even when Caboose and Church didn’t act like Tucker had more than proven his point.

Somewhat paranoid, Tucker wondered if that had put him on some kind of blacklist. Which didn’t make sense — they promoted him to Private First Class and gave him a cushy job that was basically hanging out with his kid and babysitting some touring diplomats. Even if it had meant all but freakin’ dehydrating in the desert, that was a lot better off than most of the crew from Blood Gulch had been.

He thought. Maybe.

Tucker wasn’t really good with details at the moment.

Especially when he was sitting by his sleeping son, boredly playing solitaire through his HUD, and wondering idly if their alien tourists would get bored of the sand covered pyramids yet so they could move on to a different, better part of the planet.

Like one where actual women were stationed.

After all, last he saw Kaikaina she was still in Blood Gulch and making him pay ransom for the nudes she took of his tramp stamp. And lat he saw Tex…

Well, last he saw of Tex, the closest thing he had to a non-guy friend, she had gone evil, kidnapped his son, and blown up a ship to disappear forever.

Tucker’s life was fucking weird.

He was mulling over the details, and some fleeting thoughts of his career, when the solitaire matte before his eyes suddenly exploded into a flash of white that too him off guard.

The surprise of it made him jump, which only served as an annoyance later when he was left with the realization that it was just a new email alert popping up over his helmet’s HUD.

“Ugh, that’s fucking annoying,” he decided before checking on the email anyway.

While he didn’t exactly have any expectations for what the email was going to pertain to, nothing could have surprised Tucker more than the answer he got. His debit card’s automatic payments had been declined.

“What the hell,” Tucker said out loud, straightening up and glaring at the email before attempting to open his military payroll.

His small utterances had been enough to cause Junior to roll over and sleepily yawn, his rows of teeth clattering together as he did so. The little alien child was looking at Tucker a little bit expectantly.

“Sorry, bud, just go back to sleep,” Tucker tried to assure his kid only for his body to go rigid at the next alert he received. Account not found. “What the…”

Junior woke up even more, sitting up in his bed and chattering nonsense alien blabber at Tucker that he couldn’t be bothered to translate. He then leaned in, looking even more concerned.

“Hold on a sec, kiddo,” Tucker all but ordered before looking over from their bunks to Donut’s bunks. “Hey! Psst! Donut! Donut, wake up! There’s something up with our accounts! Money’s not getting transferred or some bullshit! Do you know how much debt I’ve got riding on being paid off by automatic payments? I’ll give you a preview: it’s fucking staggering!”

With a yawn and stretch, Donut turned in his bunk and looked across the way at Tucker and Junior. The desert had done nothing to diminish his much self-care Donut did, so him turning to look their way required removing his sleeping mask and Tucker and Junior both acclimating to the fact that Donut’s face was covered in some disgusting black mask.

“Tucker, why’re you still awake?” he yawned. “Aren’t we going hiking to the tallest temple tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m so excited that I can’t sleep,” Tucker replied flatly. “Put on your helmet and check your military account. It’s saying I’m not in the system anymore!”

“How’re you supposed to get paid?” Donut asked, reaching over and grabbing his own helmet.

“That’s the problem!” Tucker groaned in return.

“Okay, okay, calm down,” Donut replied, putting his helmet on, clicking it into place as quickly as he could. The moment everything was aligned, Tucker could see the lights to Donut’s helmet come on and his visor light up. It was kind of like plugging into the Matrix. But being allowed to keep your eyebrows. “What am I looking for again?”

“Account log in,” Tucker answered. “I’m not showing up at all!”

“Huh,” Donut answered without elaboration.

Groaning, Tucker grabbed the sides of his helmet. “Yours too? Maybe it’s just the system’s down?”

“Oh, no, I logged in automatically,” Donut said with a casual flip of his wrist. “I just have more money than I realized. Sc-a-whooore!”

Annoyed, Tucker narrowed his eyes. “Wow, congrats. That’s really fucking comforting.”

“Why? You need a loan?” Donut asked, folding his fingers together.

“No! I was being sarcastic. Like… dude! What the fuck’s going on? Why can’t I find my account?” Tucker asked just before another flash of white crossed his HUD, that time making him yelp and fall back out of his chair.

Donut and Junior both looked at him without moving even an inch to check on him.

“You know, you really should unplug from your helmet more often,” Donut said with a shrug. “Having technology hardwired to your brain twenty-four seven can’t be all that good for you. Or else we would have just all gone Ghost in the Shell ages ago.”

“Gone Matrix, dude,” Tucker corrected. “And I’m fine, it’s just my email alert caught me by surprise.”

“If you say so,” Donut sang, already beginning to take his helmet back off. “That must be whatever troubleshooter was wrong with your stuff. You know how tech is! Sometimes it makes you get in from behind and earn it!”

“No, Donut, I don’t know what that means,” Tucker scoffed, opening the email. “Huh, that’s weird. What the fuck’s going on? It’s all encrypted and shit. Like. it’s a whole page of numbers and bullshit! That’s not going to help me pay my debt off to sassysluts dot com!”

“You pay for porn?” Donut asked in mild concern. “I had no idea being straight was so hard. I just go to Harry Potter sites—“

“I don’t pay for it, I just… sometimes click download when I shouldn’t,” Tucker answered. “It’s asking me to download. I’m totally clicking it because, unlike porn, it’s my email. And viruses never come from emails.”

“I don’t know, Tucker, downloading an unknown email to a helmet connected to your brain seems like a real bad idea,” Donut tried to argue, but of course Tucker had already accepted anyway.

Junior was clicking his jaws in concern and in general looking disturbed.

“Oh my god it’s saying it’s only two percent downloaded,” Tucker whined. “What’ve I done!?”

“You let a stranger in through your backdoor and know you’re going to wake up with regrets in the morning,” Donut responded.

“Okay, you’re no help,” Tucker began to snap when he felt it.

It started with another white flash before his eyes, something that finally didn’t make him jump the way the others before it had, but unsettled him into silence all the same. He was anticipating for the flash to fade back and allow him to move on with his conversation or, at the very least, his download when a harsh chill moved its way down his spine.

The same implants which allowed Tucker to have access to his HUD were beginning to burn, like a computer on overdrive, Like they were running too much, too fast, and the skin around it was burning. He wanted to reach back toward it to yank the metal from his flesh but he couldn’t move. Something was stopping the impulse, like an electric jolt overriding his nerves and sparking in the back of his mind in reverse.

He let out a cry of surprise and stomach churning horror at the sensation. It hurt. It fucking hurt and he was more surprised by the development than anyone.

Vaguely, he could hear his name being called and blarghed nearby him but things were turning inward on him very fast and with a lot of power.

All he knew is it all goddamn hurt and he couldn’t make it stop.

His HUD flashed something other than white for a second, though his brain could hardly process it through the shock and pain. It only really made sense to him later. Ten percent.

His neck, the base of his skull, was scalding and he was sure he was yelling, but he couldn’t hear. It was all white.

Before it said twenty percent he was unconscious entirely.

There were a lot of ways the dream usually started. A few things were the same — the familiar surroundings of his quarters in Blood Gulch, the humidity of an unending arid, summer day, and the complaining. The complaining was probably the most constant of the constants.

After all, you didn’t really spend the better part of five years with someone and not have their quirks imprinted on the front of your skull. Visible every time you closed your eyes.

It was a mark of either torture or a genuine friendship. And it was only someone like Church who could have made the two nigh indistinguishable.

Usually that voice was joined by another — his own, Caboose’s, Tex’s. Less common, the Reds would be there, joining in with the blanket complaints. Tucker liked to think it was a sign that he at the very least had enough self respect to limit his dreams to Blue Base, but it wasn’t always true.

In fact, it was infrequently true enough that hearing Donut interject in the middle of Church’s usual string of complaints was actually not even all that shocking.

“Wow, I can’t believe that just like that, you’d insert into another man like that! I think usually you’d err on the side of caution and at least give them some preparation!”

“What the fuck do you want from me, dude? I panicked! I was haunting a fucking email. It was about as quick thinking as I could get. Plus, you know Tucker. What are the chances he’d open an email titled Warning, Fucking Ghost Inside, Prepare to Have Your Shit Wrecked!”

“I mean, it sounds like the title of a porno.”

There was a thoughtful pause.

“Okay, fair enough. Tucker’s the one jackass that would open anything remotely pornographic. You know, he’s had his identity stolen, like, twelve times! Just since I’ve known him!”

“Is that a lot?”

“Yeah, Donut! It’s a fucking lot! Though, honestly, maybe it wasn’t stolen and he’s just lying as an excuse for why my credit had to be used every time we ordered something for the goddamn base. Between him and Tex, it’s amazing that I didn’t die sooner just to get out of paying interest.”

There was a cooing noise, closer to Tucker’s face that suddenly sprung the marine from drifting between consciousness to full alert. A fatherly instinct that told him that as much as nothing seemed unusual about Church whining and Donut being… himself, he would never ever have a dream where he let Church around Junior without full supervision.

“Dude!” Tucker gasped, jolting awake and sitting up only to partially collapse backwards when the dizziness pounded him, face first.

There were still spots in his vision as Donut fell back, being caught by Donut almost tenderly.

“Hey! Slow down there! You’ve had a lot put in you while you’re out!” Donut said soothingly, if not nonsensically.

Beside him, leaning in close over Tucker’s other shoulder, Junior was fine and visibly unhurt. Concern, though, was racking the young alien’s face as he looked over Tucker worriedly. His jowls clattered together in a series of noises that probably should have been easier for Tucker to decipher, but with his headache and the general confusion of the moment, were just about meaningless.

“I… I thought I was hearing Church…” Tucker babbled confusedly, reaching up to rub at his eyes only to awkwardly discover his helmet was on. Something that he probably should have figured out with his HUD activated, but in his defense he also hadn’t had any idea what else was going on in the moment. “That was… man, that was weird as fuck. Desert’s getting to me.”

“Uh… I don’t know about that…” Donut half sang as he gently guided Tucker back to leaning against a wall.

Tucker began to sober up rather quickly at that, looking directly at Donut with surprise. “Wait! Church is here? I was really hearing him? Holy shit! Where is he? Why hasn’t he ever wrote me back! Dude, you better not be telling me he was going on adventures without me. I would be so pissed — oh fuck. Did he bring Caboose? Fucking bet he brought Caboose. Ugh. Never mind. I need you to grab one of those stupid big rocks the aliens worship and use it to knock me out before Caboose gets here.”

Donut hesitated, as if he was considering the offer, when the moment was interrupted by that familiar, angry voice.

“Hey, jackass! I didn’t bring anyone but myself! And that was already hard as hell, so if you’re not dying or anything I’d like to take a rest or something,” Church snapped at Tucker.

Ah, just like old times.

“Dude! Church! Did you hear what I was asking? Do you have any answers? Do you want to yell them at me? Can I video tape it so I have something to yell at me when you decide to completely fuck off the face of the planet again?” Tucker asked, whipping his head back and forth. The action was causing the pressure behind his eyes to build and the dizziness to only intensify, but Tucker didn’t care. It was worth it to see his friend again.

Of course, it was a little disheartening to not be rewarded with seeing Church.

“Calm down, your vitals are jumping all over the fucking place,” Church snapped.

Tucker squinted. “Vitals?”

“Yeah, I’m haunting your armor. Which fucking sucks, by the way. Why’s your chest piece a size too small?”

“Right!? I’ve been trying to tell people that for ages but no one believes me about how much it chaffs my nipples!” Tucker yelled. “My superior officer always…. told me to shut up and to put matters into my own hands…”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Shut up. And if it bothers you, put matters into your own hands—“ Church began to say only to stop short and hum. “Huh. Okay. I get it.”

“Yeah, plus I definitely took that advice, and that’s why I made my special rock,” Tucker informed him. “But it never helped with the nipple stuff.”

“Gross,” Church replied flatly.

“You had a rock, too!?” Donut cried out excitedly.

“GROSS!” Church repeated. “Okay, seriously, we’re derailing from the actually important shit. Which is getting you guys going while I take a momentary snooze.”

“Going where? Why the hell would we be going anywhere for you?” Tucker asked. “I can’t even see you, dude! It’s making it super confusing to talk to you! And what the fuck is this shit about you hiding in my armor!?”

“What? No! I’m not hiding in your armor, I’m haunting it!” Church snapped.

“I don’t know, Church! It sounded a lot like hiding from the asshole rather than embracing it to me,” Donut corrected, folding his arms. “And trust me, I should know!”

“What!?” Church and Tucker yelled in unison.

“The asshole you were telling me about.” Donut clarified.

“Ah, gotcha,” Church responded. “Okay, that makes sense.”

Hairs prickling on the back of his neck, Tucker raised up his hands over his head. “What the fuck are you doing in my armor!?”

“Oh, calm down. You’re so insecure,” Church snapped. “I’m haunting your armor. And it’s not because I’m hiding from that asshole fucker Agent Washington.”

Tucker reached for his helmet achingly. “Agent what? Okay, seriously, Church, I can’t concentrate on the bullshit you’re saying if I can’t see you. It’s weirding me out! You sound so fucking close and it’s just creepy that I can’t see you!”

“Jesus, Tucker, have you never talked on a cellphone before? Fucksake,” Church groaned.

Without much more hesitation, however, the former Blue leader presented himself. Or what Tucker could only assume was Church presenting himself. It looked like Church, but in his supposed ghost form — glowing white and transparent. Still in his regular armor and with a sniper rifle.

And also super fucking small, floating just a few feet in front of Tucker’s shoulder, like a pirate’s parrot waiting to perch.

“Happy? Better be because I’m fucking exhausted after emailing myself here and explaining everything to Donut already,” Church snapped. “And making myself visible for the most sensitive guy on the planet is only draining me more!”

“Hey, ladies love the sensitivity,” Tucker corrected him.

“Do they? I know I do,” Donut added unnecessarily.

Junior tilted his head and gave a signature Bow Chicka Honk Honk.

Tucker, having spent more than enough time in the desert with him, just gave Donut a frustrated glance and shrugged his hands at him expectantly. “Dude, what’ve I said before?”

“You say a lot of things to me, Tucker, but I usually forget them after Tequila O’Clock, and so do you,” Donut reminded him.

“I leave you for a year and you’ve completely canoodled with the enemy,” Church stated flatly to Tucker.

“You mean colluded, and I didn’t collude with anyone!” Tucker argued.

“I know what I said and now you’re just changing subjects,” Church said pointedly.

“Why’re you haunting my armor and why are you hiding from this Agent Asshole?” Tucker asked somewhat seriously.

“I just told you I’m exhausted from haunting that email. Why can’t you ask Donut? He has the four-one-one,” Church argued.

“Uh, because I want to be able to take it seriously and not have… embellishments,” Tucker said, eyeing Donut a bit, though the Red seemed far from offended.

“Ugh, forget it,” Church groaned. “Long story short, there was a whole lot of bullshit that went down, Agent-Fucking-Washington got me and Caboose together again. We went looking for Tex. Didn’t find shit. And then Washington decided to blow up some dead bodies before telling me that Tex and I aren’t ghosts but we’re computer AIs from this Project Freelancer bullshittery!”

Tucker blinked. “Yeah, checks out,” he said flatly. “Wait, is this guy just an asshole because he pointed out the obvious?”

“It’s not obvious because it’s not true! I’m a ghost and so is Tex, and this entire goddamn planet is the worst kind of purgatory imaginable,” Church huffed angrily.

“Ghosts that get downloaded into armor to haunt them, sure,” Tucker rolled his eyes.

“Don’t fuck with me now, dude, I’m high strung and tired so I need to—“

“Reboot?” Tucker snickered.

“Tucker. I’m telling you, dude, don’t fuck with me right now. I just got exploded-dead by Washington already. I don’t need any additional bullshit,” Church hissed.

“Is that why you’re tired and think he’s an asshole?” Tucker asked, a note of concern in his voice despite his best efforts to suppress it.

“Oh! This is where it gets really interesting,” Donut informed Tucker. He looked like he would have been right at home snacking on some popcorn at that moment.

“No, he’s an asshole because he’s an asshole,” Church affirmed. “And I’m tired because in order to email myself to you before shit went down, I had to use that bastard Wyoming’s time-thingy to send me back before I died and, like, thirty minutes before you, coincidentally enough, sent out a distress signal to the building we were exploding.”

“Wait… you went back in time?” Tucker asked, baffled. “I’m about to send out an emergency signal!? And what’s this bullshit about you exploding a building? Do you need us to go, like, stop that?”

Church let out an annoyed sigh. “Oh my god, you’re really not accepting the fact that I’m tired and Donut has all the info you need.”

“I’ve been with Donut for, like, eighteen months, dude. You’re my best least-hated friend and I’ve not talked to you once since all this shit went down.” He paused for a moment before frowning at Church’s image. “I’ve missed you.”

“Awesome,” Church replied flatly. “Noted. Prepare to miss me even more on your guys’ way to Valhalla.”

“Valhalla?” Tucker asked curiously. “Is that where the explosion is? Wait! Where’s Caboose? Do we need to save him? I’m proficient at saving Churches, but that’s got a, like, fifty percent less chance of happening if Caboose is around!”

“TUCKER! Let me sleep, goddamn!” Church screeched. “Turning off. Sneak yourself and Donut out of here and start toward Valhalla already before shit goes down.”

“Wait!” Tucker cried out only for Church to disappear with an audible click.

He looked at the vacant space where Church had been but as hard as Tucker looked, Church didn’t pop back into existence.

Being at least somewhat aware of his father’s distress, Junior let out another worried noise before crawling into Tucker’s lap. It was a small gesture, but it at least gave Tucker reason to reach out and gently take hold of his son. That hold developed into Tucker protectively picking up the young alien messiah as he knew they were, for better or worse, about to race out into unknown circumstances.

“I don’t know what I hate more,” Tucker lamented. “How much he randomly disappears on me, or how much he’ll just pop back up and ruin a decent goodbye.”

Donut’s head tilted curiously. “Was that a decent goodbye?”

“Dude, how long have you known Church?” Tucker asked seriously.

“Fair enough!” Donut responded in a rather chipper tone.

Annoyed, Tucker pursed his lips and looked Donut’s way. “You realize he really is a computer program, right? Like. That’s the only way anything has made sense since Blood Gulch.”

The Red hummed and tapped a finger on the chin of his helmet. “Well, it would fill in some holes. But I think it’d leave some others gaping wide open! Just desperate to be filled!”

“Yeah, but it’s better than everyone having fucking ghosts but only Church and Tex bother to do anything with them,” Tucker pointed out. “You don’t see fucking Crunchbite around, bitching about how to raise Junior! If he was, I’d fucking ghostbust him!”

“I think Sarge had a ghost, though, maybe,” Donut continued.

“Donut, you’re thinking too hard about it,” Tucker decided. “Church is totally an AI. Someone could only be programmed to be that annoying.”

“So Sarge is programmed too…” Donut gasped. “Tucker! How many people do we know who are just computers?”

“Uh… Lopez… Sheila…” Tucker began listing.

“It’s spreading!” Donut yelled out.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Tucker grunted, shifting Junior in his arms before pushing up to his feet. “Are you coming or not?”

“Oh, I’m always ready to come,” Donut replied before spryly leaping to his feet in one smooth motion. “But should we tell the aliens? I mean… we are representing the Peace Corps. And we are taking Space Jesus with us.”

“Hey! Don’t inflate his ego,” Tucker warned, petting Junior’s head to the child’s annoyance. “I told you, Donut, we Tuckers have naturally inflated egos that make us fucking masters at dishing out what the people want, but also stupid dangerous to flatter. With a much bigger ego, we could take over worlds with charisma alone.”

Donut brought a hand to his chin thoughtfully. “Hm, I would like to see evidence of this.”

“Can’t, too dangerous,” Tucker shrugged in response. “Which, by the way, is also why we’re not telling these alien assholes we’re leaving. Church said that he went back in time because I sent a distress signal from here. Which means we were distressed.”

“Makes sense,” Donut nodded.

“And what’s more distressing than getting turned on by a bunch of conservative nut jobs who want to treat an underaged kid like he’s some kind of holy, reverent shit? These guys are totally going to try to kill us!” Tucker decided.

“It must be the one named Clark,” Donut gasped, pounding a fist into his right hand. “I knew not to trust someone named Clark! Who’s ever been a good guy named Clark!?”

“Superman,” Tucker said without hesitation. “Wait, why Clark?”

“Because Church said your emergency mentioned CT, obviously short for the evil known as Clark!” Donut announced.

Tucker merely stared back at the Red. “Donut, if you know that, then you also knew why I was even suggesting we leave without a note! In fact, you know more shit than I do if Church was telling the truth! We’re just wasting time here!”

“I think we’ve been super productive, actually,” Donut said, folding his arms. “I really wasn’t sold on our motivations until you laid everything out there for me like this. Now I’m totally with this new vision. Not exactly my creative decision, but I like it.”

“Okay, forget it, I like flying by the seat of my pants so let’s just head to this Valhalla place and figure out things from there,” Tucker decided.

“Oh! And while we’re on our way, I’ll fill you in on what Church didn’t mention to you!” Donut replied enthusiastically as he followed Tucker toward the vehicles for their camp.

“He’s dead again, this Agent Washington’s an asshole, Church wants us in a place that I swore was something those Thor movies made up but apparently not,” Tucker listed off. “See? Totally got it.”

“Uh, you’ve got the boring relevant stuff,” Donut argued, jumping into the driver’s seat. “He didn’t even start to tell you what Red Team did on their adventure before exploding the building!”

“Red Team was there? Jesus, how the fuck did that not make it to the summary?” Tucker asked, setting Junior in the seat between them and buckling him in.

“Eh. I’d say narrator’s bias,” Donut answered.

He started up the Warthog they were in and before the aliens could even stir awake at their camp, Donut was flooring it and they were bounding out of the desert. It was just Tucker’s hope beyond hope that along with the Red Team shenanigans, Church managed to also tell Donut how to get to the near mythical Valhalla.

Valhalla, as it turned out, was far enough away from the desert temple that an entire body of water and some grassy knolls were along the way before they even got close.

Whether it was sleep or recharging, Church kept true to his word and was a non-presence for the vast majority of the trip. It kept Tucker’s headaches and confusion at bay, but didn’t remove the consistent, low hum from the back of his mind throughout the trip. It really was less and less like any haunting Tucker had ever been aware of and more like some kind of computer virus to his whole body.

Though, when he mentioned the analysis out loud to Donut, he was assured that it made absolutely no sense as an analogy.

Donut’s own biases, however, were just as self evident.

“And that’s why I absolutely cannot believe that Church just left out everything that Sarge, Grif, and Simmons did during the whole adventure! You could really make an argument that they were the whole catalyst for so much of what happened!” Donut argued, driving them through the grassy planes, seemingly oblivious to even the idea that there could have been some sort of pathway or road for them to take instead.

Junior was curled up in Tucker’s lap, trying to sleep despite the off roading unease, so big by then that he was half out of Tucker’s lap entirely.

“Well, I wouldn’t say that it was totally necessary to know everything they did alongside Church, Caboose, and Washington, but it did help make some sense out of all the random elements that came into play,” Tucker agreed.

Looking dissatisfied with the compromise, Donut sniffed and tilted his chin up and away from Tucker. “No appreciation for storytelling,” he surmised.

“Guess not,” Tucker shrugged. He then looked ahead to the direction Donut was guiding them toward. He shifted uncomfortably. “Man. I thought after all that time stuck at that boring temple, seeing some green and life again would be a huge relief but… it’s just kinda unsettling to keep driving through more and more wilderness, y’know?”

“Nope, have no idea what you mean,” Donut shrugged.

“It’s like… at the end of this, are we just going to find some cabin in the woods we have to stay at. Like idiots? And then we do something that unleashes some unholy terror on us? And we’re picked off one by one?”

Donut tilted his head. “Huh. That wouldn’t take too long. There’s only four of us. Three if you and Church count as the same person! Do unholy terrors go after ghosts? I’m not sure. I was never really that religious.”

“Fuck if I know. I one time told a girl dressed up like the Virgin Mary that I’d fill her with some Holy Spirits, and next thing I know middle school Tucker isn’t allowed in any church in all of Detroit!” Tucker deadpanned. It wasn’t the zinger he was hoping for, mostly because Junior was asleep and unavailable for their patented trademark, but also because barely a breath had left his lungs before he was looking ahead and faced with a rather shocking sign laid out before them. He raised up slightly in his seat before settling down again to not disturb Junior. “Whoa! Look how fucking tall that is — holy shit! Are these bases?”

“Yup! Looks like we got to Valhalla — just like Church described, just less destruction. Guess he exaggerated on that part,” Donut said cheerfully just before they pulled over another hill and saw the long stretch of grassland between the two bases. Then, suddenly, they were met with several crashed helicopters, vehicles, and scorching fires around each. Also, in the distance, a familiar wrecked ship could be seen. “Whoops! I stand corrected! My bad,” Donut added.

“Yeah, this isn’t much better than my idea bout the cabin,” Tucker said flatly. He looked around just once before a bright white light flickered on over his shoulder, drawing both his and Donut’s attention toward it. He raised his brows expectantly. “Well, well. Look who joined the world of the living. Finally. Good sleep, Church?”

“Yeah, I’m back to one hundred percent, you could say,” Church replied candidly.

Tucker leaned toward Donut and stage whispered, “Like a battery…”

“Hey, I can hear that, jackass!” he snapped. “Forget that, though, tell me what you guys did about the people who surrounded you.”

“What people?” Donut asked.

No sooner had the exchange completed than the distinct sound of multiple guns clicking to lock their triggers could be heard just behind them.

Church flinched. “Ohhhh.”

Stiffly, Donut and Tucker both glanced to each other and then slowly raised their hands.

“Church,” Tucker said in annoyance, “ghost or computer — doesn’t matter. You’re, like, the worst wingman.”

“Ever. Of all time,” Church added.

“What?” Donut asked.

“How the hell did I give you details about every little thing that happened, and didn’t remember to explain that?” Church asked with annoyance of his own. But it was far from something Tucker could concentrate on.

The real concern, for the moment at least, was figuring out how to get themselves out of the current disaster. And, hopefully, to find out exactly what the hell was going on.

[ellana-ravenwood]

I don’t talk to fish - Aquaman x reader

Can you one with Aquaman? Where he and the reader know each other but they hate each other an then they fall in love eventually? Requested by @itsrebeca

I accidentaly delated the original message so...yeah. Here we go. It’s really long because I didn’t wanna make more than one part huh. And it kinda sucks...Oh well, I tried. It’s so late...

You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

______________________________________________________________________

The first time you met Arthur Curry, aka Aquaman, you were having a nice lunch date at your favorite cafe in Metropolis with your brother, Clark. 

You weren’t happy that one of his super-friend ruined your chance to spent time just the two of you. Since he moved to Metropolis and became Superman, you nearly never saw your brother, and you missed him. You guys have always been very close, and despite his overprotecting you, he just didn’t had time to hang out with you that much anymore...Especially since you stayed in Smallville to take care of the family farm with your ma’. 

You often joked about the fact that you’d have to be in grave danger to see him. Worst thing was, it was true...So when he called you and asked if you wanted to come for the week-end to Metropolis, you said yes without hesitation...The first day, he saved the world from aliens with the Justice League, and only came back late at night. You had to almost dragged him out of bed for him to follow you to the café to have lunch...and now, that Aqua-dude was ruining it. 

-Oh, hey Arthur, something the matter ?

Clark asked, concerned. 

-Is it a problem with...You know ?

-What ? Oh no, no don’t worry. I was just passing threw the neighborhood when I saw you. Thought I’d say hello. And who is your lovely partner ?

-My little sister, Y/N. 

-And I’m not lovely. 

-Oh, the grumpy one eh ?

You glared at your brother, and he looked away, embarrassed. It was kinda true that you didn’t always had the best temper, but talking about it with total strangers, really Clark ? You squinted your eyes at Aquaman. 

-Since he has only one sister, seems like it. 

-I’m...

-The guy that talks to fish, I know. 

-I don’t talk to fish. 

-Whatever you say Waterdude. 

-Aquaman. 

Clark chuckled lightly, looking around nervously to make sure no one heard you two. He was used to your provoking way, but a man like Arthur, a King used to respect and such...

-Play nice guys, and talk a bit lower, we’re in a public place.

-She started it. 

-No I didn't Liquidguy, you did by calling me grumpy !

-But you are grumpy !

-And you do talk to fish !

-I DON'T TALK TO FISH !

The crowd in the cafe suddenly went silent, and everyone was staring at you. You exploded in a fit of laughter. 

-Hahaha, man, Clark, you’re friend is COMPLETELY nuts. Sorry people, he has problems. 

You gestured to you brother to go pay as you dragged Aquaman out of the cafe. 

-You know, you aren’t good at hiding your secret identity fish talker. 

He winced. 

-I don't talk to them ! I mentally force them to do my will.

-Alright Fish whisperer...Wait, you force them to do your will ?

-Yes. I don't actually talk to them. Or whisper for that matter.

-Nevermind the talking situation, you FORCE them to do YOUR will ?

-Like I said. 

-Oh, you’re disgusting. 

-Sorry ?

-Yeaaaah, you act all grand like the fucking King you are, but you force beings to do whatever you want them to do, without knowing if they’re ok with it ?

-That’s not exactly how...

-Disgusting. Uh. I thought Clark’s friends were nice. 

-What are you even on about ?

You scoffed and looked away. Clark arrived and you grabbed his arm, dragging him away, ignoring Aquaman. Your brother tried to say goodbye awkwardly, hoping Arthur wouldn’t be mad at him. 

******

The second time you met Arthur Curry, aka Aquaman, was when he saved your ass. You were on vacation, and went on a boat trip with friends. You weren’t too fond of the oceans, but somehow your friends convinced you and you ended up on a boat in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by deep water full of your only fears in life : sharks. However, everything was going smoothly...at least, until a storm hit. You were too sea sick to even realize the danger you were in, until the boat toppled over and you found yourself thrown into a roaming sea. 

You were never a good swimmer, and you struggle to keep afloat. And...Oh my god, was that a shark fin you saw a bit further ? You couldn’t see any of your friends, and the boat had already disappear in the tall waves surrounding you. AND YES THAT WAS DEFINITELY A SHARK FIN ! You tried to swim away, but the force of the water kept swinging you in every directions. You were quickly getting exhausted, and you were now sure sharks surrounded you...You hated sharks, there were the only thing in the world to actually scare you. You screamed for help, you screamed for Clark to come...after all, he already heard you from Metropolis while you were in trouble in Smallville...But you couldn’t scream much, water invading your mouth. And the fear made you even dizzier...The last thing you saw was four shark fins coming straight at you before you passed out. 

When you opened your eyes, you were on a beach, surrounded by your friends. They were glad you finally woke up. 

-What...Are we dead ?

They all laughed. No. No you guys weren’t dead. A nice and hot blond man saved you and...Blond man ? You whipped around and cursed. Of course. It had to be. 

-Waterdude...

-Aquaman. 

-Whatever fish enslaver...

He rolled his eyes, and your friends looked at you with a : “Really dude ?” look on their face. You rolled your eyes back at them and stood up...just to immediately fall back down. 

Arthur was the only one with fast enough reflexes to catch you before you hit the ground. 

-You, you knew I was deadly afraid of sharks...

-No, I didn’t. I knew I should have...”enslaved” dolphins. 

-Fish monster.

-Dolphins are not fish, they’re mammals. 

For some reason, this made you smile, but you quickly regained yourself and jump out of his arms. He scoffed, and after saying a quick goodbye to your friends, who were in awe of him (ew), he went back to the ocean. 

You were annoyed, but couldn’t help staring at his ass. It was a damn fine ass...He turned around. Damn fine six packs as well. 

-You’re welcome, by the way, grumpy one. I’ll tell your brother your safe. 

-Wait what ?

-Please, do you honestly think I was there by coincidence ? I was only giving back a favor I owed to your brother. Apparently, you tend to have bad luck, he was afraid something might happened. Guess he was right. 

-Tell him to fuck off and to take care of his own business. 

-Yeah, I’ll make sure, so that next time sharks can actually eat you before you drown. 

You shudder. You really didn’t like sharks. 

****

The third time you met Aquaman, aka Arthur Curry, was at a party Bruce Wayne was throwing. He was dashing. You were stunning. You greeted each other coldly, but whenever you thought the other one was looking away, you stared at each other, completely ignoring the date you took with you. Clark noticed, and smiled lightly to himself. He knew since the first time you met what was going to happen. 

****

The fourth time you met Aquaman, aka Arthur Curry, you were sitting on the dock of Metropolis, a bit depressed because your boyfriend just dumped you. For some reason, you didn’t feel sad, you didn’t like him THAT much, but you hated failure. The sole of your shoes were lightly touching the water...and you quickly put your legs back on shore when you saw a fin lurking around, terrified shitless...Until you realized it was actually a dolphin. A beautiful, majestic dolphin. 

-Got ya. 

You turned around and saw him, in casual clothes, not in his ridiculous yellow and green suit. 

-Are you following me ? Like the creature of the Black lagoon ? 

-Wow, I hope I’m a bit more attractive than him...and no, not following you. I was literally just walking around...I hang out a lot on the docks you know, and the occasion to scare you was too good.

-You really are an asshole. And controlling...

-I’m not controlling them. Yes, I will them with my mind to do things, but if they really didn’t want to, then they wouldn’t.

-You mean “your” sharks could have attacked me if they wanted to ?

-Never actually happened for any fish or sea mammals to resist me...I’m their king after all. 

-Such a show off. 

-What, why ? I am their king !

You scoffed. At this point, he was used of this reaction towards him, but still...

-Why do you hate me so ? 

-What ? I don’t hate you. Why do you think that seaweed brain ? 

-Maybe because every time we see each other you...

-Don’t take it personally. I’m like that with everyone. But I guess you being a King, you’re not used to people telling you what they think. 

-...

-I mean, not what they think, just...teasing you and such. I don’t think you’re an asshole...or, you are sometimes but...Hum...

-Teasing where I come from is a bit more enjoyable...

-Ah...uh...I...Hum...

You blushed. He smiled. Damn his smile was cute. 

-I don’t understand you at all. 

-...It’s because I don’t speak fish.

He turned quickly to you, and the smile on your face made him realized you were joking. You had a wonderful smile...

*******

The fifth time you saw Aquaman, aka Arthur Curry, it was on the TV. Him, your brother and the rest of the league were fighting a particularly fierce enemy, and your heart stopped each times it showed the ones you loved in danger. The ones ? With an s ? ...That’s the time you figured out your brother wasn’t your only concern, maybe a certain blond seaman was also in your mind....

*******

The sixth time you saw Aquaman, aka Arthur Curry, you didn’t even mocked him once. He thought it was odd, and when he asked explanation to your brother, Clark just laughed in his face calling him daft. 

********* The seventh time you saw Aquaman, aka Arthur Curry, you had slightly given up on a possible romance with the King of the seven seas. He was a King, he was your brother’s friend, he was a meta-human, and most of all, he thought you hated him...So you were on a date with another man. 

You met Arthur “randomly” in Metropolis’ streets, and he was so awful to you that it comforted you in the fact he actually hated you for real. You ran to your brother, acting as if your date went wrong, when in reality it was your encounter with Arthur that threw you aback. Clark you, and called you daft. 

******

The eighth time you saw Aquaman, aka Arthur Curry, you were completely drunk at your brother’s birthday party. Singing “Show must go on” at the top of your lungs, you were having a good time...until you saw him. You were about to say something extremely mean, your drunkness inducing your cynical and sarcastic usual self, but he spoke first. 

-I’m sorry about...last time. Clark told me you cried. 

-Not because of you, because my date was ruined. 

-Ruined by me so...A bit because of me. 

-Hic...No...Or maybe yes. Completely. 

He was embarrassed, and you didn’t get why. Were you that bad looking right now ? Probably a bit disheveled, maybe your make up wasn’t as good as it was at the beginning of the party but...Why was he looking at you this awkwardly. You made a fake reverence, and he looked taken aback. 

-Sorry your highness, majesty, waterdude, if I inconvenient yourself right now with...the...sight of me...Am I speaking proper English ? Wait, you can’t understand me, I’m not talking fish. 

-I don’t talk to fish...and if I’m being honest, I’m not that sorry I ruined your date...I’m just sorry I made you cry. 

You turned your head towards him, curious.

-Yeah, the guy you were with, he kinda seemed to be an asshole. 

-On the contrary, he was lovely, but he wasn’t you. 

You froze, suddenly realizing what you just said. 

-Wh...What was that ? 

-I said he wasn’t as big of an asshole as you. 

-Oh...

On that note, Clark appeared out of nowhere with a very drunk Wonder Woman on his back and said :

-No, she said he wasn’t you, implying she’d rather go on a date...with you. 

You swore that if you were sure not to break your hand on him, you would have smacked your stupid brother. He widely smiled at you, and you frowned. 

-Diana, Clark has been in love with you for years. 

-Oh that’s so low little sister...

But given the state the mighty Wonder Woman was in, she probably wouldn’t remember anything the next day. Clark suddenly rushed out to the toilet, sensing she was going to throw up. 

You stood awkwardly in front of Arthur, too drunk to actually stand straight, so you were kinda gently swaying from side to side, trying to keep your balance. 

He smile, feeling as awkward as you.

-You...wanna go on a date with me ?

-No. 

-No ? 

-Yes. If there’s no sharks. 

-Promise, no sharks. 

You just both stood there, staring curiously at each other. If over a year ago someone would have told you you’d somewhat ask Arthur bloody Curry out, you probably would have laughed in their faces and ask Clark to punch them into space. 

-So...are you free next friday ?

-No. 

-No ?

-No, I have a date. With a king. 

-A king ? How many kings do you know exactly ? 

-...Are you being an idiot on purpose ?

-What ? Oh. Oooooh. Ok. I see. Yeah. Gotcha. So, next friday ?

-Yes, but I can’t wait. 

-Yeah, strangely enough I’m pretty excited too. 

-No, I mean...

You decided “fuck it”, he liked you enough to ask you out anyway. And it was true, you couldn’t wait. You grabbed his shirt and tugged him down to you, kissing him gently at first, before he deepened the kiss. You pulled away for air moments later, smiling like idiots. 

-So...Are you going to teach me how to speak to fishes ?

You asked, a mischievous smile on your lips. He rolled his eyes, before pulling you in for another kiss that tasted like alcohol and...Sushi. 

**********

The 2976 time you saw Aquaman, aka Arthur Cury, you were slowly waking up in your shared bed. One of his arm was wrapped around your waist, the other was gently resting on your stomach. Your rather big stomach. That stopped your habit of sleeping on your belly. 

His hand was lovingly resting over your stomach, already protecting your unborn child. 

[backtothestart02]

Runnin’ Home to You | 3/10

My submission for @westallenfun‘s Runnin’ Home to You challenge.

Part 3 of 10.

Synopsis: 3x21 - Canon Divergent - What if Team Flash decided to keep Barry from remembering until after May 23rd?

Note: The canon divergence in this chap is that Joe isn't present when Barry is told he’s a superhero and Iris is also telling him about who Savitar is in addition to that. Some exact lines from the episode's scene are included.

*Many thanks to @valeriemperez for being a spectacular beta! <3

Chapter 3 - But I Want You In It

Once in the cortex, Iris decided to backtrack and explain to her amnesiac fiancé what having his super speed actually meant. There was no way Barry would understand who Savitar was if he didn’t first understand who he was.

“So, I am a superhero,” Barry said, wanting to be clear.

“Yeah,” she confirmed. “And a really good one too.”

“Huh.”

She waited a beat before proceeding with semi-dramatic flair.

“You’re the Flash!”

Barry’s face scrunched up as he considered that new knowledge.

“You sure the Streak isn’t a better name, maybe?”

Iris’s jaw dropped briefly, the significance of his words not lost on her.

“Uh…it actually…was your name for a time,” she admitted, a smile sneaking through despite herself.

Barry’s brows furrowed. “Why did we change it?”

She cleared her throat. “You actually didn’t like it.”

He gawked, not saying anything.

“I started writing about you, the superhero, before I knew it was you, and I gave you the name the Streak. But you not so subtly suggested the Flash, and it caught on. Later you told me how very glad you were that we’d gotten rid of that first title.”

Barry folded his arms across his chest, annoyed.

“I don’t think I want my memories back now even if there were no repercussions.”

Iris’s beaming smile slowly faded as Barry’s next words slipped past his lips.

“What does me being a superhero have to do with Savitar?”

She swallowed hard, waiting a few painfully long seconds before proceeding.

“Well…Barry, you’re a speedster.”

“A speedster?”

She nodded. “That’s what we’ve labeled metahumans who have super speed.”

“Metahumans.”

“People who were affected by the particle accelerator explosion and have powers now. Most of them are villains, but some are good.”

“Like me.”

Her smile returned. “Like you.”

“And like Wally.”

“Yes.”

“But we’re…speedsters.”

“You are.”

“Are only speedsters good?”

She frowned and started to build a case in her mind for the good metas, which Cisco was and once upon a time Caitlin had been. But she shook her head.

“No. But, that’s…I can explain all of that to you later, okay?” She took his hands in her own. “I brought you here where we can be alone, so I can tell you about Savitar.”

His brows furrowed. “Why do we need to be alone for that? N-not that I mind!” he said quickly.

Iris forced a smile. “Because it’s hard to talk about, Bear.”

Confusion flitted across his face again. Iris knew the reason why.

“It’s a nickname I gave you when we were kids.” She shrugged and let out a strangled laugh. “It stuck.”

His thumbs moved gently across her skin.

“Tell me about Savitar. Why does he want to kill you? Because you’re important to me? Because we’re getting married? Because I love you? Why does that make him angry?”

Iris’s breath caught in her throat as each question sounded in her ears. He was so sure of it. That she was important to him. That they were getting married – well, there was proof of that in the ring on her finger, but still. That he loved her. He was so sure that he loved her, even though he hadn’t even known her a full day.

And yet, he couldn’t understand why something so pure would make a bad guy upset.

This version of Barry was so innocent. He was everything Barry could have been if that particle accelerator had never exploded across Central City.

“Bad guys want to hurt the good guys, Barry. So, they take what they love.”

The truth behind Henry and Nora’s deaths briefly zipped through her mind, reminding her that she’d lied. But she ignored the facts and kept going. Maybe she’d tell him more later, but for now the origin of Savitar was enough.

“And that’s why Savitar wants to kill you? To hurt me?”

She swallowed hard. “Not just that.” Barry raised his eyebrows, waiting. “He…I need to die for him to exist.”

“Why?” he asked, oblivious to the way her voice was starting to hitch with every word she said.

“Because… Because he’s the result of what happens to you if I die.”

He frowned. “I don’t understand,” he said, but she knew he was starting to. She could feel his hands clenching and unclenching in her grip.

“It’s hard to explain…” she trailed off, unsure if she could go on. “There are these things called time remnants…”

“Time remnants?” He nearly dropped her hands the term was so mindboggling to him.

“Yeah, they’re the…uh…result of going back in time and taking a past version of yourself and bringing it to the present to—”

“Wait a second.” He dropped her hands. “I can time travel?”

You’ll never explain it to him at this rate, the little voice inside her said.

She knew it was true, but she wanted so badly not to make him feel guilty. She wanted this Barry to stay happy for as long as he could.

“Yes. But, Barry—”

He blushed briefly and cleared his throat.

“Right. Sorry. You’ll explain later. Keep going.”

She smiled tremulously.

“In the future…when Savitar kills me, you create time remnants to go back in time to save me. But almost all of them die, and the one who doesn’t…gets rejected by everyone here after my death. And eventually he becomes Savitar.”

The expression on Barry’s face so clearly showed that he had about a million and one questions for everything she’d just said, but there was one conclusion he’d come to that she was hoping he wouldn’t. Even if she knew it was true to an extent.

I-I know it’s not you. I know-

Part of him is.

“So I kill you,” he said, his voice numb, his shoulders slumped, his eyes nearly void of emotion because her initial silence following the statement spoke volumes, and they both knew it.

He might not have his memories, but he looked so much like the Barry that did that Iris wanted to cry. She wanted to scream and throw things and undo what she’d said in the hopes that somehow, she’d say it better, in a way that maybe wouldn’t hurt so much. Because this, right here, was what she’d been trying to avoid.

Instead she stood there and watched him as her heart crumbled into tiny pieces.

“Bar—” she tried, forcing herself to find her voice. She jolted forward in a panic when he started to back away from her. “Barry, no. Wait. Stay, please.”

He stopped, but she could see how tense he was. His frame was rigid. It seemed unnatural, and he refused to look at her.

“I don’t understand,” he said in a low gravelly voice that was still filled with heartbreak. “How could I kill you?” Hesitantly, he looked up at her. “I love you.”

Iris was torn again between being moved by his certainty of the latter fact and feeling helpless at the prospect of successfully answering the former. She wanted the answer as badly as he did. They all did.

It’s not you.

It’s a time remnant.

It’s not going to happen.

You could never do this.

All good, reassuring thoughts that she could say, but she knew it would only fuel more confusion and frustration in him. Maybe even anger. She didn’t want that. She wanted to bring the smile back to his face.

Thankfully he saved her from having to come up with an answer by coming back to her with fierce determination in his eyes and confidence in his step.

“I want you in my life, Iris. I want you in my future. I want you to have a future.” He took her hands and gripped them tightly. “Tell me how to stop this.”

She swallowed hard and smiled tremulously.

“We keep you from remembering,” she said simply, then paused a beat. “And we tell the others.”

“All of them?” he hedged worriedly.

She smiled encouragingly. “Just our friends and family.”

He nodded, released one of her hands, and intertwined their fingers in the other. Then he gestured away from them.

“Lead the way.”

*Also available on AO3 and FFnet.

[agl03]

AOS 4x11 AKA The one where so many theories came true!  And the Ladies of the show are not taking any crap from anyone..gentlemen  tread lightly.

My ask box is exploding already and I’ll get to them tomorrow.  

But I’m going to take a moment before my meta to make a request.  Due to the sheer volume of asks I am getting I am going to respectfully ask not to be sent metas  in my Ask Box.  I am still happy to answer questions, make predictions, and give my opinion but please don’t send me a meta right now.  I am not sure how to respond to them much of the time nor do I want to stir up drama in the fandom.  I don’t want anyone feeling bad about sending me something or how I respond to it.  I need time to recharge my batteries a bit.  

On with the show if you will-

Fitzsimmons:  Starting here because I think this is where most of my asks are going to come from.  I’m just going to say it.  This is EXACTLY what I have been waiting for for Fitzsimmons.  They were working together, tearing apart Talbot, affectionate, and bold in their own rights.  Even Fitz with AIDA I AM OKAY WITH...heck I predicted it!

I said after last week that Fitz would go digging into AIDA 1.0 to try to figure out what happened.  He needs to know what went wrong.  I know some in the fandom are mad at him.  But for me this is totally in character for him.  Fitz doesn’t ‘fail’ often he needs to know what went wrong to correct the mistake...at the very least to ease his mind.  He has the guilt that Nathanson died, he needs to know why that happened. 

Radcliffe knew that FItz was attached to AIDA, and he preyed on that.  Hammering home that it was possible AIDA had a ‘soul’ and that killing her as akin to murder.  Those feelings of attachment are also fueling this.  Fitz is investigating a friends death. 

From a story Standpoint this needs to happen to out Radcliffe!  And story wise it will be an incredibly powerful moment when he does find out, that horrible realization of what Radcliffe did..and used his work to do.  What will make it worse is if Fitz goes to confront Radcliffe alone or Radcliffe realizes he’s digging.

He did try to bring Jemma in on it, he asked her to help him figure it out. 

Yes she did ask him to drop it but he never agreed too, never promised.

Yes, there will be fall out, there will likely be a fight.  But we have been waiting for this from them.  They will go through it and then be stronger than ever after.  

And in the fall out Fitz poking around still will likely reveal Radcliffe...a necessary evil. 

This is a bit of a parallel too.  FItz working on AIDA 1.0 after the fact is a lot like Jemma working on the monolith after she got back. 

Something may also be looming with Jemma here, we got a bit of Woman on Fire again tonight as she took charge and stood up to Radcliffe.  I can’t put my finger on it but we need to watch this.  Her climb up the ladder, to protect the team is paying off, but like FItz with AIDA something will go wrong with it too.  

I won’t be surprised if at some point we don’t see Jemma forced to team up with AIDA 2.0 or Radcliffe to save her man.  

Remember guys we want drama now, because drama now means good stuff to come.  

Radcliffe:  You are hacking off the wrong Android,  just saying.  AIDA is so done with you its not even funny.  For me one of he most striking things was that Radcliffe lost access to the Playground, Robo May, and to Fitz (work wise) for a bit here, and that hit him hard.  He’s going to grow increasingly desperate the longer he can’t have access to the book.  Even more if he learns that Fitz is digging into AIDA 1.0 programming.  

AIDA 2.0:  Is going to do some not very nice things to Radcliffe soon.  She seems annoyed with Radcliffe.  Hurt/frustrated when he snaps at her for things that weren’t within her control.  “I was just doing what you said” kid of thing.  She seems jealous of Robo May, how advanced she is, and that she has the ‘important’ mission.  From what we see in the promo it looks like Robo May will be popping by for an update...and AIDA might make some improvements of her own there.  We also need to keep our eye on who she is going to go after if she wants some new programming done...and its not the person currently being Mr. Snappy Pants with her all the time.  

Robo May:  Well she knows she’s a Robot now.  She knows something is off and is still hiding it from the others, which in true AOS fashion will blow up spectacularly.  Its possible that if Radcliffe realizes Robo May has become aware, the Sunset protocol resets her and makes it so she doesn’t realize what she is again, buy him a little more time.  But at the same time AIDA implementing anything could prove very dangerous. 

Real May:  As predicted will not be an easy hostage to hold onto.  We saw her break though once and she will again.  Be prepared for lots of feels next week with whatever Radcliffe sticks her into next (be ready for her or Robo May to have Bahrain flashbacks).  I’m not sure if she escapes next week though, its only a matter of time now.  

Daisy:  She continues to plug along here.  Her big arc seems to be waiting until the C arc.  As predicted she is very uncomfortable with the position that Mace is putting her in.  And the blatant lying he is going as well.  She is also the one who is picking up that something is wrong with May.  

Mack: Just his awesome self.  Kicking butt, finding himself an ax, taking names.  Though fair warning guys, I feel rough waters (full of Icebergs) are coming next week for Mackelena as next week its Elena’s turn to go on a Field trip gone wrong with Coulson.  

Coulson:   Good old Agent Coulson, which I am sad to say I’m going to miss seeing as he is slipping back into a more operational kind of role.  He now has exactly what I think he wanted for a long time.  He has control of the operations aspect of things while Mace handles the Political/Public side.  Which I do have reservations about, we have seen Coulson make some questionable decisions in the past, especially where Daisy is concerned.   He knows Mace’s secret and is willing to continue to cover for him.  He is also taking on a mentoring type of role with Mace, which I am enjoying and hope they continue it.  Side bar are we to the point where the team is going to start drawing straws to see who has to go out with him...pretty much everyone who goes out with him this season nearly dies at some point on that mission.

Mace:  WELL I CALLED THAT ONE!  Even the Hyde serum and the baddies being after it!   Mace is going to slip into a role he’s very good at.  The PR stuff, smiling at the public, and dealing with the politics.  Even knowing his secret I’m still not ready to trust him.  I think he wants to do good but he has proven on more than one occasion he is easily manipulated.  I don’t know how long Mace will make it into the season, but if he does die I see him dying being the hero he’s been trying to be all this time.  

Misc Items:

The Baddies:  Hydra....in some shape or form is back!   My AIM Theory LIVES!  As predicted they were after Mace’s Serum. 

Adding fuel to my AIM theory was how much ‘math’ the assassin talked, probabilites and doing the math to predict moves. 

The assassin was Russian so we could see a baddie coming from that part of the world.  He also used a Russian Proverb when talking to Talbot.  “The Hammer that Shatters Glass Hardens Steel”.  

He told Talbot he was the Glass 

In the title above the hammer represents the challenges of life, the glass represents the people who are defeated by those challenges and the steel represents the people who use those same challenges to forge a stronger character and go on to become all that they can be.

That last little bit sounds a lot like what Radcliffe wants to do and what Hydra was trying to do with Cybertek.  

Hammer may also be a reference to the organization HAMMER from the comics.  Though my biggest hesitation with them is that it was started by Norman Osborne, and I can’t see them touching anyone Spiderman related.  That’s not to say they pull a different leader like Superia or an original character to fill the role as leader.

The group we saw today were a step above the Watchdogs, likely led by the Superior, but I don’t think he is our overall big bad.  

I still don’t think FItz has been LMD’s.  For me today was even more evidence he’s not.  The last thing that Radcliffe wants right now is Fitz digging into AIDA 1.0...and Fitz is doing just that.  Radcliffe would know from monitoring him he was and would stop it right away.

We have yet another traitor in our midst, feeding what looks like Nadeer information in the promo next week.  

I need a better look at things before I can really dig into who I think it is.  I have a few ideas but it can be something as simple as Shield is more of a public agency and more easily accessed now.  

Nadeer’s hatred for Shield will come to the forefront.  

We should start seeing something happen on the Philinda front.  So far it hasnt’ been what I expected to see.  And what movement there has been has been off screen.  They also look to be separated for a good chunk of next week too.  

If the government was messing with Hyde’s formula, what else have they been messing with that Shield has run into over the years.  

Okay its late, time to call it a night and I’ll hit the asks in the morning!  We have lots of new avenues to explore!

[ermojas]

Live Drunk Watch of Sherlock s01e03 "The Great Game"

From the studio that drunk-watched TSoT, TRF, and TSoT again, we bring you: “The Great Game that Made Sherlock Realize He Loved John, like Love Loved Him. Also There’s a Moriarty”

This round, the rules are as follows: Drink every time you want to smack their heads together, lips first.

Here we go!

- I really dont get the point of this Belarus scene except to point out that Sherlock hates bad grammar. He flew all the way for this? Drove? Where’s Belarus?

- God, has his voice always been this deep? I’ve been reading fic all wrong.

- Drink every time a scene opens with making you think sherlock is getting a blowjob

- Oh my god John is all shy when he asks if he liked his first case blog entry.

- disclaimer i have read a thousand fics amd watched zero episodes in months, so actually seeing them on screen is a bit of a trip and i should not have mixed this with alcohol i am not prepared send help send

- Newsflash john aint mad cuz you insulted his blog, hes mad cuz you said nothing else matters but the work. NEW MIRROR: JOHN = SOLAR SYSTEM. THATS WHY LATER SHERLICK,CALLS THE STARS BEAUTIFUL. JOHN THOUGHT SHERLOCK WOULD DELETE HIM BUT HE DIDNT. IM DYING.

- oh my god instead of greeting mrs h he just spreads out on the couch like a cat, oh my god

- ok plot hole, john was literally thirty yards from the flat when it exploded. There’s no way he didnt hear it. By the timing of the scene, he coulda been in the blast. Everything from the flat exploding on is in Johns mind bungalow. Explosion Mind Palace.

- What the hell is a lilow, why wont anyone tell me. is it the same as a “lino”?

- There are 0.000009 reasons why John didnt sleep in Sarah’s bed and all of them are named Just Had a Domestic with my Boyfriend.

- Say hi to Travis, hes the one guy in Production that has to light John’s eyelashes at all time. He gets paid more than Sue.

- I want the inner monologue of johns self fladjulating tube ride

- WHAT THE HELL IS A LIE LOW YOU LEMONY BASTARDS

- Did he say Battersea station for the smashed in head guy? Is that important?

- I want to marry Johns hair in this episode. Sherlocks hair can officiate.

- Theres so much exposition. This is episode 3.

- My favorite thing about the Speedys sign is that it implies the three meals of the day are Breakfast, Lunch, and Pasta.

- I love how John does his shoulder walk as soon as sherlock says to get his phone out of his pocket. He’s not tense cuz he’s annoyed, he’s tense because he’s summoning the memory of Afghanistan to avoid a boner. Shameful

- Oh gawd it’s trainer deducing time. I need another drink.

- This whole show is Sgerlock making john do things he doeznt wanna do. Like confront his sexuality.

- Carl powers, child with big feet, is sherlock. Stay with me here. Big feet equals libido. Carl came from Sussex (sussex is where shelrock’s crime brain retires and his heartslashdick takes over). Suffered from exzema = discomfort with skin (outer visibility, opinions of the masses). Carl is also a symbol of sherlock before trauma, wbere he began supressing his humanity. Drowned in the pool (emotion). Only moriarty remembers (he knows where sherlocks heart is). The shoes are john because they reopen the case. Also they are an old soul/sole but well loved. Nibody noticed they were missing except Sherlock. And he found them in Baker st. Is this a meta? Or am i drunk?

- Why does their kitchen door slide.

- “I’m not ignoring it. Putting my BEST MAN onto it right now.” “Good. Who’s that?” Ummm hiii TSoT, how are you. Leave please.

- Did john wear a suit and tie just to see mycroft??? Cuuuute season 1 babyyyy

- I love how they call businessmen City Boys. Why is everything British so much cuter/pornier.

- Sally shouts “Fishing. Try fishing,” at John and then he immediately grabs Sherlock’s card and follows him. Honey i think John is the fish.

- I misremembered the Height of his Cheekbones

- Connie Prince is Culverton Smith, pass it on. This started out drunk and fun but now its all wild hair and peanuts.

- Around the world is Czech Republic, Cornwall, and Yorkshire.

- John doesn’t like pussy.

- I have drank too much

- Mrs. H said “I should never wear cerise. It drains me.” LOOK UP THE COLOR CERISE. Is that not the exact color the pink lady was wearing? Is mrs H the pink lady cuz she brought them together?

kinda

- Travis had to work hard during the Prince house scene.

- House boy???? Seriously britain???

- When sherlock sends the blog posts it sounds like a man breathing in. Like irenes texts are a woman breathing out. Somethin there. Lazy.

- Old lady got shot for saying moriarty sounded “so soft.” Ha. Nothing there to analyze, i imagine. Carrybon.

- My favorite thing in tjis epsiode are lazy news graphics and lestrades dad tummy

- OATMEAL JUMPER OATMEAL JUMPER JUMPER OATMEAL

- Sherlock is passive aggressive and john falls for it. Every. Time.

- John is Peak Bangs here. Peak Bangs. (Fringe, sorry lie lows)

- You can see the Golem’s shadow for a second while Sherlock is explaining him to Lestrade. And these people “accidentally” let John’s hair grow 12 inches in an hour in s4.

- Lestrade saying “and happy new year” after sherlock says “meritricious” is the new “God bless you” after a sneeze. Pass it on.

- The painting is a fake. The old art is a lie. You can tell because the stars are new. HINT HINT.

- “Strawberry jam on the line” is sherlock in TRF, ya welcome.

- Memory stick seems important but turns out to be meaningless to the villain. HMMM SEEMS INSIGNIFICANT AND NONE OF SEASON 4 IS IN SHERLICKS HEAD - “What would you like me to make him say next?” HOW ABOUT ITS NOT ALL FINE I WANT YOU

- God, you guys, just kiss

- Seirously, all it would take is a little pencil on top of Moriarty’s arches and then brush a brow gel upward. He has a good shape and density already, he just needs the thickness.

- - I loce.johns little nod at sherlock befor ehe pointed the gun at the jacket. One inch of chin movement = go ahead, kill us all. Like an old marrie dcouple, these two.