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scpeen-l0l · 3 years

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Hi! I was wondering if your could do a scp-035 x scientist!reader fix where the they’re in the middle an interview, and a containment breach suddenly happens

ahhh, i’m not entirely sure if this is what you had in mind. but anyways, thank you so much for requesting!! you’re the first on this blog and while writing this i got another! man i’m so happy ahah

(i forgot to tag this when it was first posted lol)

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1.5k words

‘easy prey’

You’ve always had mixed feelings on 035. Since the very first day you were assigned to them, you felt their infamous ‘lure’ that they were known to have. Despite that, you liked to think of yourself as resilient, so you were able to just bury yourself in work and deny any sort of weird attraction you had to the mask. Of course, 035 had picked up on the behavior that they had seen countless times in the past, much to your dismay.

Your supervisor told you that you would be interviewing 035 with the routine set of questions in a few days’ time. When you queried as politely as possible to why you were assigned to interview them this time over the usual interviewer, your supervisor handed you a page of the transcript of their most recent interview, with a section highlighted in yellow.

//PAGE 2//

08/08/██

SCP#: SCP-035

Class: Keter

Interviewer: Warren, [REDACTED] (Sr. Researcher)

SCP-035: Mhm… Hey, what are the odds of that new researcher coming into my cell anytime soon?

[Dr. Warren pauses for a moment, before looking at their host’s hands.]

Warren: Which one? Dr. L/n or Dr. Ahmad?

SCP-035: The younger one. Yes, I’d like to have a chat.

Warren: Why?

[SCP-035 throws its head back before resting its chin on its intertwined hands.]

SCP-035: Since when have you started recruiting people that young? I simply want to ask them about it.

Warren: Stop it, 035. Be more specific.

[SCP-035 lets out an exaggerated sigh]

SCP-035: Why can’t a mask just have a regular talk with a researcher? All I want is a friendly chat! Besides, you’d get some free time whilst we’re busy…

Warren: If we do allow you to converse, you will only be allowed 30 minutes maximum with routine questions.

[SCP-035 laughs]

SCP-035: That’d be grand. Well, what’s on your mind today?

Your heart was beating out of your chest, fear coursing through your body. Your supervisor coughed to get your attention, to which you could only nod your head slowly to, it wasn’t like you really had a choice. Still, what did it want from you?

You didn’t get much sleep that night, to say the least.

When the fabled day finally arrived, you were an absolute wreck. All of your confidence flew out the window and left you with sweaty palms and a looming feeling of dread. The walk to the mask’s cell was long and unnerving, the adrenaline was putting you on edge. You weren’t usually like this, but your fears got the best of you. What if they convinced you to wear them? What then? Regardless, you’d be dead either way. You cursed yourself for being a nervous wreck at the worst time, so you headed to the closest empty room you could find.

You found yourself in a break room after a few minutes of searching, the missioning around the facility already clearing out your mind. You rubbed your temples, psyching yourself up. If you did eventually become a host for the mask, you sure as hell weren’t going to make it easy. With a small pep in your step, you finally approached the area containing 035.

Warren was talking with your supervisor, just about to leave when he saw you walk in. A forced smile made its way to his face as he approached you.

“Pleasure formally meeting you, L/n.”

“Same here. Do you have a spare copy- “

Warren handed you a file, “here, make sure to stay on topic as much as possible. Oh, and the second you feel like putting him on or anything of the sort, press the panic button next to the microphone on the table.”

Him?

You nodded, reassured that you had a sure-fire way to get out. “Thanks. Do I… go in now?”

Warren turned to your supervisor, Dr. Patel, whom only nodded in response. Dry, as always. You sucked in a deep breath before checking your phone for the time, 9am on the dot. A good time to die, you thought, before a guard ushered you into 035’s cell. A male D-Class with 035 on his face looked to you and tilted his head.

You knew you didn’t look the most assertive, or dominant but you were resilient. That’s all you had going into that interview, you told yourself.

Sitting down and laying out the documents inside the file on the table, you looked back at the group of staff behind you. McAllistor, the technician, gave you a comforting smile; Warren was already out the door; Dr. Ahmad looked away awkwardly; Dr. Patel was typing away on his computer and you could see the side of a guard’s visor at the corner of the observation window. Huh, a little understaffed today. Were they the last people you’d ever see? Perhaps. Alas, you had a job to do, and you were going to do it damn well, if it was the last thing you ever did.

//RECORDING STARTED//

L/n: Hello, 035. Ready to start?

SCP-035: Of course.

Ooh, that voice- Did it always sound so… Smooth?

L/n: Well, let’s get through these questions quickly.

SCP-035: Aw, I was hoping to get to know you a little better first.

L/n: Maybe another time. How would you describe your emotions today?

Deflect, deflect.

SCP-035: Admittedly, a little upset that you’re being so stiff with me. I rarely speak to anyone else other than [REDACTED], who’s gone off who-knows-where. Ooh, probably with his assistant- You wanna hear about that?

L/n: Uh, so you feel upset that you can’t speak with me-

Shit. That threw you off.

SCP-035: Indeed, would you help me with that? Pretty please? You look like you need a break, you know. Look at those bags under your eyes!

No, you weren’t going to let him get under your skin that easily.

L/n: Apologies, 035, if my appearance is sub-par— However, I am incredibly committed to my job and I-

SCP-035: Blah, blah. Cut the canned crap. You can speak to me about it, you know, I’m a great listener.

L/n: I will be the one listening today, 035. Now-

SCP-035: You say-

L/n: 035! Stop speaking over me, unless you want this interview to be terminated?

Assertive, dominant.

SCP-035: Ah, of course not. I was out of line, I am sincerely sorry, dear.

L/n: It’s- It’s fine, where were we? Oh, here, I- Um…

Nevermind. How did he manage to make you feel bad? Stupid mask, getting in your head…

L/n: Uh, how would you describe your intentions as of late?

SCP-035: Nothing dangerous, I simply long for the stage, you know? I just miss the atmosphere! The joy! Oh, what I would do to even just watch another showing…

L/n: Thank you for not evading that question, 035. But, ah, I’m sure if you behave you’d get to-

//CONNECTION LOST//

The breach alarms went off, making you jump out of your seat. Looking back to the observation window, you saw all the scientists being escorted out of the room by the guards. You rushed to the door…

Locked.

Slowly turning back to 035, you gave him the dirtiest glare that you could muster.

“Unlock it. Now.”

“You know, I liked the more quiet, sweet, meek version of you-“

You mockingly mimicked his tone, “you know, I don’t give a shit. I’m not putting you on. You’ve already got a host, just leave me alone!”

“Oh, but you’re so intelligent, so innocent… Face it, you’re dead either way. There’s no way you’re making it out alive, I’ll be merciful and make it painless. Wear me, and I’ll ensure that your body gets some good mileage.”

A small part of you was tempted to take his offer, but the rest of you was only willing to admit he was right. What chance did you have without an armed guard? You slouched, fear settling in.

“Come on…”

You felt a weight on your right shoulder. You could see his hand in the corner of your vision, but, it was cold. Long dead. You didn’t want that for yourself.

Aggressively sliding your keycard in the scanner, you bolted out the cell and grabbed the handgun on the desk.

You let out a humourless laugh, “yeah, no. I think I’m fine.”

035 walked out his cell, scoffing as he looked at the gun in your hands, “what’s that gonna do? Is that peashooter gonna scare 106 away, huh? How many bullets are in that thing, if any?”

Biting your lip, you whined, “ahah, um, yeah… Look,” you debated internally whether you should try bargaining with this thing, “I’m not going to put you on, however, I’m willing to… cooperate in order for us to reach our separate goals. I have a level 3 keycard, which I can hand to you once I find the safety shelter. Try anything funny and I’m snapping the keycard in half.”

035 laughed, “ok, maybe I was wrong about tough and cold L/n. Sure, we can work together, but good luck trying to resist me. I can tell you’re already a bit enchanted already!”

You snorted, “yeah, yeah. Suuuuure… Alright, you promise to keep me safe whilst I navigate through the site?”

“I assure you.”

A part of you felt fuzzy. Damn, he was right about you already being charmed by him. Maybe… No, you weren’t going to give in. You’re using him as much as he’s using you. Right?

“Guess I was wrong about you being an easy host.” He mumbled.

“You what?”

#scp 035 #035 #scp 035 x reader #scp #scp x reader oneshot #scp x reader #anon

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novantinuum · 3 years

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Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen Audiences

Words: 2.2K~

Summary: A series of shorts detailing what might’ve happened in the moments after I Am My Monster, told from six different points of view.

Greg apparently had a LOT on his mind, because this was supposed to be short and instead it’s over 2000 words, ahah. Final chapter!

If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3. Thank you! <3

Chapter warning: Allusions to past non-canon character suicide.

____

Chapter 6: Greg

Hours pass.

Bismuth makes quick and quiet work of replacing the cracked slider door in Steven’s room while he sleeps, and secures a thick tarp over the open front of the house to keep the coastal breeze somewhat at bay until she can finish her repairs to the windows and siding. She warns that might take a day or two. Garnet, meanwhile, busies herself the rest of the afternoon and evening fielding all of the Diamonds’ frazzled calls, and reassuring them of the boy’s current stability. Pooling their knowledge, Dr. Maheswaran and Peridot make sure to confirm that. Beyond some minor scarring, neither his organic or Gem half seems to exhibit any serious physical health conditions in consequence of what happened today, news which works to ever so slightly lift the air of the household. With no other concrete tasks to complete, Pearl, Amethyst, Lapis, Connie, and Greg all rotate between sweeping debris off the floor, wandering the beach to mentally recuperate, and dutifully sitting at Steven’s side as he rests. It may not sound like a lot, but alas the level of emotional labor demanded by such a situation is immense.

All in all, the sun’s long since dipped below the horizon by the time Greg finally collapses onto the mattress laid out in the back of his van, craving if but a moment of privacy and respite from all the chaos. It’s been... an insufferably long day, to put it lightly. Busy. Tons of cleaning, and intercepting nosy neighbors, and bedside monitoring...

He offered to take the first night shift watching Steven a few minutes ago, but Pearl must’ve noticed the dark circles creeping ever wider under his eyes, because she proceeded to gently overturn his offer and remind him of humanity’s daily sleep requirement. And she’s right, of course. He can’t stay up as long as he used to in his twenties anymore. Plus, he probably deserves some time to himself after everything that’s transpired. There’s plenty of Gems left in the house who can keep watch, after all. Steven will be fine for a few hours. Surely nothing else can happen when he’s asleep, right?

Right??

Exhaustedly slumping against the side wall, Greg offers a glassy, vacant stare at the contacts list of his phone, roughly wiping the damp from his cheeks with his other hand as his thumb hovers over one of the numbers. Does he dare drag someone else into this whole situation? Surely the kinder solution would be to refrain from widening the circle any more, from letting anyone else learn about today’s harrowing events. And yet if he fails to find a proper outlet for the raw emotions all of this has violently hauled to the surface, he fears he just may suffer a mental break himself, repressed memories bursting like a vicious flood through the dam he desperately tried to seal them behind all those years back. Much of this is just... far too familiar.

His phone slips right through his trembling hands as the cruel reality of what he witnessed today finally begins to carve its indelible presence in his mind. A strained sob leaking from between his tightly pursed lips, he buries his head between his knees, clutching at the worn bottom hem of his jean shorts like an infant to a parent’s finger. Small. Vulnerable.

Helpless.

His son... oh stars, his only son, he—

He can’t talk about any of this to the Gems; they wouldn’t wholly grasp the uniquely human nature of his concerns. And he doesn’t feel comfortable discussing these matters with Dr. Maheswaran, especially not after the stern words she dealt to him back at the hospital. He’s burdened her enough already, by this point. No, there’s only one fellow human he feels close enough with to engage in this sort of conversation.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, he reaches for the phone he dropped on the mattress. Turns it on. Nervously clamps down on his bottom lip as he selects his cousin’s contact and dials.

The passing heartbeats slamming against his ribs are almost nauseating in their needy clamor as he waits, his calloused fingers tapping against the thick rubber of his phone case. Andy’s never been a particularly tech savvy guy, so honestly, it’s well within reason he might not even carry his phone on his person to answer. And that’d be fine, really. In fact, he might even prefer it, since he’s still not confident he’s emotionally prepared to discuss any of this at this precise moment, anyways. But just as he’s beginning to undergo mental preparations for what on Earth he might leave as a voicemail message, his older family member finally picks up.

“Greg?” Andy’s gravelly voice rings through, sounding somewhat tinny through their connection. “Hey, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? How’s the ol’ Universe family unit doin’?”

“Not great, honestly,” he narrowly manages in response, his throat constricting tight. “That’s kinda why I’m calling, if you have the time to listen?”

“Heh. I’m a drifter, you know I ain’t got no schedule. Carry on.”

“Well... geeze, how do I put this. There was, uh... a bit of an incident today. With Steven.”

“An incident?” his cousin questions, marked worry immediately painting his tone. “The kid okay??”

He falls silent for a few seconds upon this question, threading his hyperactive digits through the split ends in his hair on automatic, a stress-induced habit. “Unclear,” he says, a slight quiver making itself intimately known in his words. “I mean, physically, at the moment, yes, but—“

He cuts off once more. It suddenly occurs to him that little of today’s events would make sense to Andy without providing the appropriate context. Or, at least, what little context he’s capable of giving as a father. It’s still terrifying to admit the truth to himself— that he doesn’t possess the full story. That he hasn’t been paying close enough attention. That, in many ways, he willfully blinded himself to all the troubling events transpiring around his son throughout the years, foolishly believing that if he didn’t involve himself... that if he simply stayed out of the Gems’ hair... everything would go to plan, and Steven would finally receive the training he needed. He didn’t expect things would grow so complicated.

He didn’t expect that his teenage son would have to march into battle carrying nothing but his wits and a shield time and time again.

With a weary sigh and a quick apology, to which Andy brushes off, Greg begins to weave a verbal picture of everything that’s transpired across the last few days. First, the hospital call. Rushing home from tour, only to find his son giant and flushed pink, literally filling an entire room with the sheer volume of his trauma. The shattered x-ray in his chart, hinting towards hidden hurts that— before all this— even Steven seemingly hadn’t processed or quantified. Then, the road trip. The unwanted reminders of his childhood. That blasted CD. His expression sobers as he describes the fateful argument they had on the road home, one which lead to his son accidentally breaking the steering wheel and flipping the van. Next... his disappearance. No texts for four whole days, which is so unlike him. He was worried sick. And the next time he saw him, he was eight feet tall, glowing, and painfully manic in behavior, with each new sentence spilling from his mouth revealing an even more heartbreaking picture of the sort of poor mental state he’d spiraled into. It was nothing short of a father’s worst nightmare, propelled into horrifying, vivid reality.

Nothing in this corner of the galaxy could’ve prepared him for the primal surge of terror and anguish he was engulfed within when that nightmare distorted and transformed even further.

His only son... colossal and coated in thick scales and spines, sclera black as night... roughly clawing at this unfamiliar form, smashing his skull against the cliffside, roaring with an inner pain so primal that the sound now haunts the depths of his very soul—

“I- you remember what happened with cousin Jo, back when we were young?” Greg says softly once he’s caught Andy up with the details of situation, his voice frail and unsteady, the tone of a man helplessly marooned amidst his anxieties. “Before she was sent to that mental rehab place? Well, I’m... with the addition of Gem magic, it almost felt like that. I mean, h-he’s fine for now, we have him resting, but... but I’m just so scared he won’t come out of this, like her, a-a-and that one day he’ll—“

A mewling sob bubbles up in his throat, swiftly severing that train of thought. N-no. No, he refuses to even utter that horrible idea out loud! After all, a world without Steven in it isn’t worth envisioning.

Andy’s eventual response— albeit tinged with a justified shade of awkwardness, given the emotionally charged nature of this conversation— is filled with genuine compassion, and for that he’s dearly thankful.

“Aw, hell... Greg, I’m- I’m so sorry. I, uh- I could fly over, if any of ya’ need me? For emotional support, or whatever?”

Upon this kind offer, he inhales deep to steady his breath, and wipes away dewy beads of moisture from the corner of his eyes, desperately hoping that he can mitigate the pitiful wavering of his voice over the phone. He’s gotta fight to reliably keep some form of composure in front of other people, damnit. His kid can’t have his dad breaking down around him too, of course.

“No, you’ve got places to be,” he replies evenly, pressing his thumb and pointer against one of his aching temples. “I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You ain’t asking,” he retorts, the eye-roll evident in his tone. “I’m offering. Listen- family takes care of family, y’hear? And I’m only about a day’s flight away, anyways. It’s really the least I could do.”

He sighs. Absentmindedly tugs at a thick strand of his hair. Offers a long, contemplative stare at the rickety age-worn handle affixed to the inside of the van’s back doors. Truth be told— ignoring his deep-seated guilt at dragging Andy into all this to begin with— he’d love having another family member around to embrace, especially a human one who can more deeply understand the crux of his anxieties about this delicate situation. But in the end, he shouldn’t be prioritizing his own feelings and comfort. He’s not the one in crisis, his son is.

Desperately hoping he’s making the right choice, Greg flexes his fingers, and acquiesces to the offer, on one condition: only if Steven consents to having visitors, once he’s awake.

Andy hums in approval. “Understood. Don’t wanna overload the poor guy with any surprise visits, or whatever.”

“Yeah. The last thing I want to do is push him too hard, too fast.”

He pauses, braving waves of parental grief to spend a moment to reflect on Steven’s emotional progression over the past few months... a stray negative comment here, an unusually forlorn mannerism there... All of them events that, in isolation, wouldn’t point to anything more than your standard ‘teenage angst,’ but when observed in strong, unceasing patterns, begin to reveal deeply harrowing truths about the state of an individual’s self-image. How did he never notice? Why wasn’t he there to catch him in his fall?

“I think he hates himself,” he says quietly, his voice hitching up at the end. “He didn’t say so directly, but- but I can sense it. And I don’t know how to help him, I-I... I don’t know if I can.”

“Nonsense,” his cousin scoffs, “‘course ya’ know what to do! What does any good father worth their salt give their sons?”

Unable to evade the momentary temptation of feeling miserable and sorry for himself, he slumps back against the wall, giving a weak shrug that his current audience would never see.

“I dunno, maybe a stable, safe childhood? Not growing up poor as dirt in a van?”

“No, you numbskull,” Andy immediately cuts back, “you love on ‘em and support ‘em just as much as you always have! Y’ show him that you’re always gonna be there for him, and that he can trust you with anything.”

“But I haven’t always been there for him,” he exclaims petulantly. “That’s the whole problem! That’s one of the reasons he ended up like this.”

“Greg,” he says, his voice softer this time. “Listen to me, ain’t nobody perfect, okay? We’ve all made our mistakes with people. Me? More than most. But what we can’t do is let those mistakes cloud what’s happening right now. Y’know, that’s one of the hard lessons I’ve had to learn over the past two years, that you can’t always make things about you. Because right now, it’s about him. He’s dealin’ with some hard feelings, and he needs all of our help. So, let’s help him. Together. We’ll start with one foot in front of us, and we can take it from there. All right?”

Closing his weary, exhausted eyes and pressing his thumb firm against his still-aching temple, Greg Universe gives a long sigh and finally concedes to the reality that— just as he’s not solely responsible for the decline of his son’s mental state— no man should be an island when it comes to the task of supporting one’s journey towards recovery. As with everything, the extended Universe family unit will face the future together, hand-in-hand. Step-by-step.

“Yeah,” he breathes. “Yeah, I think that’s do-able.”

#su #su future #greg universe #andy demayo #su fanfiction #my writing stuff

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t-lostinworlds · 3 years

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Lil Update

right, i don't think a lot would care (or even be interested anymore with how long this is taking me lol but i'm at a point where i love this series so much that i'm mostly writing it for me and finishing it for me [also for @badreputatiom because she's been the biggest fan of the series ever since it's only been an idea lol ily for keeping me sane tanvi AND @ the ones who listened to my rants and worries ahah u know who you are] so no matter the outcome if people would read it or not, but as long as i myself would reread over and over then that's all i need to keep going with it which i must say has been such a wonderful feeling and quite an improvement yay <3) but to those who do want to know, i felt like i needed to give a lil update on things aka this mob series i've been babbling about but anyway:

it's been going well, it's at 59k so far with it almost halfway through eheh (i know i'm taking my precious time lmao). what i can say is: Prologue, 15 Chapters, Epilogue--so 17 parts in total (prolly subject to change which i hope not cause it's already a lot help lol). BUT i am at the part of the series where it's all starting to go downhill i must say? lmao and it's getting difficult to write because my heart can only take so much angst and violence and nightmares and heartbreak and ugh so aha but we power through. plus the uphill again is soooo far away so i need to breathe for a bit anyways, yeah, just wanted to share that and to say that thanks everyone for being patient. but also...just wait a lil bit more alsklks after i've written all the difficult bits (which is whew) then i'll start posting because i can't deal with ALL these emotions (especially when i'm so invested in it pls i'm prolly gonna cry a couple times) and also have the pressure of updating weekly (which includes visuals aka chapter headers, songs for each part, moodboards, i'm being extra i know lol) so yeah. anyhow, that's all for today haha i'm going back to my hole.

lovelots and take care <3

tiff x

#still not sure when i'll be fully back #prolly after i watch cherry which idk if im ready lol but we'll see #i do miss u guys and i'll u again soon #love ya loads <3 #ramblings #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #mob!tom #mob!tom holland #blog: psa

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wingsoffireaus · 3 years

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Okay... Finally getting around to this. Originally just wanted to let things settle so I could be super calm and collected and not as emotional. But then other things happened and so it's taken a bit longer. But here we are. My thoughts on Dangerous Gift. Spoiler warnings and all that fun stuff. Also some trigger warnings towards the end. I'll warn again before I get to it.

First the good stuff. I already mentioned it but I feel like this book is more of a character study. Not only of Snowfall but kind of again a dive into IceWings as a whole.

And just like Winters book I found that fascinating. However here we got to see someone who has honestly always thrived in said society. While with Winter he always struggled.

Snowfall was always on top. Honestly it seems like the only time she's struggled was when she became queen. I feel like it wasn't as deep of a dive as there could've been though. Like I think Lynx would have been a truly interesting take on this. Since she comes from a lower noble family. Like... Still not truly low low in the circles. But still I think that would have been more interesting. But y'know I'm still happy with this.

Snowfall is kind of your basic take on ruler who became a ruler way too young. Shes always trying to be a strong queen. Or at least what she believes is a strong queen.

But she is dealing with the trauma of Darkstalker and that whole... Fun thing. And you know what. I will say this. I'm glad the empathy spell wasn't a cure all. Like that was kind of a nice more realistic approach. Like... I don't know you have all heard my hatred of the ending of Darkness of Dragons. Like I'm sorry just... It felt a bit like a cop out. I mean out of all the choices in the book I didn't mind it as much. But I'm glad it wasn't just a "boom! Fixed it!" Like it seemed to be. I mean they didn't even let the armies settle down and talk it out. No they sent them to their rooms to think about what they've done. (Also getting rid of Winter. Oh well right?) Sorry I'll stop.

But yeah. Snowfall heard some nasty things during that encounter. Which clearly effected her. Add that to her trauma over her mother's death and you're just asking for trouble. As well as a crown that enforces hatred towards NightWings. (Thanks Diamond!) And it's just... A lot.

Speaking of the crown I... Don't know how I feel about that. Like I feel like it was kind of a cop out. Systematic hatred can and is enough. It felt more like it was giving an out for Snowfall. When literally she already had enough reasons to kind of explain her hatred and fear of NightWings. Does that mean she was in the right? Absolutely not. Does that mean we needed the hatred crown? I don't think so. Like... Bias is a real thing we deal with today. When children are taught to hate things by their parents or the people around them of course they're going to have issues with them as adults. And then teach it to their children. I don't know. The more and more I think about it I don't like the crown twist.

Now speaking of enchanted jewelry. The ring... I mentioned before they need to label their stuff better. But y'know I guess there is a reason it was labeled so vaguely but still. Label your artifacts guys.

But how do I feel about the empathy ring? ... It's okay. Like... I don't know guys. When I was reading the book it was a neat little gimmick. And I think I liked it because I think people could use something like this today. But I don't know.. now it almost feels kind of like "this character needs empathy... Ahah! Empathy ring." Instead of interacting with people and learning emotions and stuff. I don't know... I get it. But I feel like it's got nothing on a character slowly opening up on their own. Maybe I need to reread it... But I don't feel like it right now. I will bring this up later though cuz.. I think there's something that really could have done with it.. and it honestly makes another decision made later on even worse. But I am saving this for last. Cuz oh boy is that a rant.

Now.. how about Crystal romance? It's... Fine. It could've been done so much better. Like... Imagine this.

Instead of her meeting him during the war... What if she met him after? Hear me out okay.

So in the beginning they seem to be hinting that Crystal has ptsd from the war right? Well. That seems to be dropped as soon as she reappears. And I HATE that. Especially if instead of her ptsd being one of the reasons she wasn't chosen as queen.. it was because of her lovestruck romance with a MudWing. Like... Boooo... I mean I don't mind that he's a MudWing at all. In fact I think that could be a very cute pairing idea. But boo... That's one of the lamest reasons to not be chosen as queen in my opinion. Like... I get it. Oh Glacier thinking of her daughters feelings. Y'know what that's great and all. But what if Crystal legitimately was the best candidate for Queen? I'm sorry. I hate to be that person but sometimes you have to suck it up and just be Queen. Cuz your people should be the first priority.

And I mean on the other spectrum I guess Glacier could have also been thinking that? I don't know. When we get a look into her head. (I did really really love this scene btw guys. It's very cute. And it's scenes like that that make me not hate the ring) Glacier is definitely thinking to herself that Snowfall is the one of the three who would fight and fight for her tribe.

And y'know to be fair I don't think Crystal would have. I just don't. But I still think it would've been more interesting for her to be kind of fragile and suffering through ptsd.

Anyway continuing on. How I would have done her romance. They meet after the war. Crystal has been suffering through ptsd. And unsurprisingly she is getting no support from her tribe. Everyone is waking on egg shells around her. Or maybe even pushing her to overthrow Snowfall which is the last thing she wants to do.

So she leaves. She remembers her cousin Winter is living in a place called sanctuary and goes to him. He understands the need to escape the royal family and welcomes her. (Hey some cute cousin bonding over their family and tribe kind of sucking. Woo! Now we just need Hailstorm over here.)

While there she meets Gharial. Who is going through his own traumas from the war. (I mean we don't even hear about his sibs which is concerning to me.) He's not the sharpest icicle in the bunch. Nothing like she would have imagined for herself. But he's sweet. He listens to her. Understands a lot of what she's going through. And even when he doesn't he still holds her when she cries.

And when Snowfall finds her. Eventually confronting her about their relationship. (Let's be real here the Snowfall was slow on relationships in this book.) Asking her sister if they're together Crystal says something like this.

"I'm not sure what we are. Friends confidants... Maybe I do love him. Or will grow to love him. It's too soon to tell. All I know is when I'm with him things hurt a little less. I can breathe a little better. He makes me feel like I'm worth more than some dingy little crown. And that's all that matters to me."

See this? I think this would be way more interesting than forbidden love. But y'know I'm just me. And this is just a thought.

Now continuing on... Scavengers.

I hate this. I hate this guy's. I'm sorry.

Like I love Sky. And I really like Wren. But I don't like this. I don't like that they're coming in to save the day in the third arch. I legitimately thought they were being saved for the fourth arch. Not thrown in here. Just... Ugh.

I'm sorry. If you like this it's totally valid! I just don't.

I didn't like it when it was announced that the next Legends was going to be about Scavengers. And honestly the book itself was... Decent. And hey I even liked the epilogue with Prince.. undauntable? Is that is name? I liked what that seemed to be setting up.

But I'm sorry guys. Them showing up at the end of arch three feels like deus ex machina. And I feel bad saying this but kind of kills me enjoyment for the rest of the arch for me I think.

Admittedly it was funny seeing Winter react. And even declare he'd die before letting anything happen to Wren but... Still. Just blegh. I don't like it. I'm sorry that I don't like it.

It was good to see Sky and Wren again. But I feel like this would have been better for a quick Cameo than an actual... Whole thing. I'm just not into it. I'm sorry.

Okay gonna end this here. Originally this was going to be an extra long post. But then I lost this last bit. And then I accidentally posted this early so yay. But honestly it might be better to post in parts. Cuz the next part will be covering some... Triggering stuff. I will post trigger warnings along with spoiler warnings. But next time I'll talk about Jerboa. And why the more and more I feel like she just... Didn't need to exist. As harsh as that sounds.

But I'll leave this here. Anyone have any thoughts? Any different opinions? Please let me know! But please be respectful. These are just my thoughts. If anyone is a jerk just to be a jerk you'll be ignored. But I am open to different opinions. In fact please change my mind on some of these things.

Especially the Scavengers. Cuz I hate that I don't like where that's going. Believe it or not I don't like not liking things guys. I'm just too critical at heart I think.

#spoilers #dangerous gift spoilers #dangerous gift #wof spoilers #wof snowfall #wof crystal #literary critique #literary criticism

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akizumy · 4 years

Text

Duty (DK AU)

I know I’m late to the party, but hey, this one is getting a bit old and I thought why not share it ! Based on @finnoky ‘s wonderful Dark Kingdom AU, and its angsty fanarts ! This is my first tumblr post (how does this website even work ahah) and I’m proud to say it is an angsty One shot. I hope you’ll enjoy it and that it’s okay !

-----

Varian took a shaky breath, the air cold in his lungs, as cold as the black rocks, as cold as the electric blue eyes watching him. What happened ? Under his feet, Varian could feel the black rocks pulsing with energy, one that had always been there, and would always be; they were filled with a different energy now, but it was one nonetheless. Why did he do that ? Across from the bridge, where the Moonstone once rested, was Eugene; or someone resembling him instead. Eugene didn't have blue hair. Eugene didn't have blue eyes. Above all, Eugene didn't look at Varian without joy or care. Before, there used to always be something warm in his smiles or words, something that was odd for the teen supposed to protect him. When he was first given the duty to look after Eugene, Varian had tried to stay neutral, to remain by Eugene's side because it was just that- his duty as a member of the Brotherhood. He was expected to keep the Prince safe, and that was all : it was actually his first task given after joining the Brotherhood, so he was determined to do it right. But day after day, year after year, him and Eugene had grown closer. There was just something about the older man's personality, his humor and adventurous side that Varian couldn't help but enjoy. Varian knew it was his fault : he was just a kid, and having to protect the Prince himself resulting in said Prince starting to give him attention, well... Of course he soon craved for his friendship and to get to know him better. That's not what happened, though. More than friends, they quickly became brothers, despite not being from the same family. Eugene was caring for Varian and protected him -which the teen was always kind of ashamed of, because wasn't he supposed to be the one protecting the Prince ?-, taking the blame when one of their pranks went wrong- because yes, Eugene initiated the young teen to pranks. Varian wasn't sure when it started or why, but he was glad it happened nonetheless. The truth was that when Eugene first saw this kid with his back straightened and serious expression, he felt a pang in his chest. He didn't want someone protecting him -especially a kid, like come on he was so small-, and he didn't want... that. As the Prince of the Dark Kingdom, he wasn't really allowed to see other people, and he was craving to get human interactions; but that kid ? He was lacking any personnality, any... humanity. He knew he wasn't going to be able to get rid of him -"The Brotherhood is really important and have sworn loyalty blablabla"-, but he might be able to at least make him more... I don't know, alive ? It was pretty difficult at first, because man the kid was "loyal" and "devoted to his duty"; but with enough time, Varian -because yes, he had a name- started to loosen up a little. It was then that Eugene made discoveries, like the kid was actually extremely clever, curious or pretty chatty; it was also then that Eugene came to see of him as a little brother. He finally had someone to spare him from his dull life, and something told him the feeling was mutual. Maybe that's why it hurt that much for things to come to this. Eugene had planned everything before taking the Moonstone. Everything, even what this would imply for Varian. I can't fail now, he thought as he reached out to the Mind Trap. In front of him, he saw Varian's eyes go wide, because of course he recognized the Talisman : to his eyes, it could be the end of him, after all. Varian didn't say a word, only staring at Eugene, and the latter ignored the sorrow and pain he could see there. He had to do this, and this was not the end of their friendship- their family. Once he used the Mind Trap, then- An arrow hit the talisman, sending it flying away; luckily, it didn't fall off of the bridge. Varian took another one of his arrows and pointed his bow at Eugene this time. Now that there wasn't the threat of the Mind trap, he only needed one shot to pull his target down. He had to, it was his duty as member of the Brotherhood to keep the Moonstone safe, to keep others safe. Eugene moved to reach the talisman, and Varian followed him with his bow, ready to shoot. Memories flooded his mind. Eugene and him stealing in the royal kitchens. Eugene and him playing hide and seek. Eugene and him going out of the royal palace to see the town and its inhabitants. He had to shoot now because once Eugene would get the Mind Trap back, then he was done for. Eugene actually celebrating the alchemist’s birthday, offering him a special gift he went to buy in town just for the occasion. Them both reading the tales of Flynnigan Rider. Their games, their pranks, their silly nickname- "Team Awesome". Eugene outstretched his hand. The day he realized both that he cared too much about Eugene and that this would be his doom. That day was today. Eugene snatched the talisman, slightly damaged by the arrow, and felt anger rising in him. The Dark Prince had no choice but to do that, and he wanted Varian to be by his side, together like they always have been ! But Varian- he had nearly destroyed their last chance at happiness. Turning to the younger man, Eugene grabbed the Mind Trap with both of his hands, focusing his power in it to activate it. "That's enough, Varian." Why would Varian fight him ? The symbol on it immediatly glowed a bright blue, the same blue as Eugene's hair and eyes. The Moonstone wielder heard the sound of Varian's bow hitting the ground and saw him fall to his knees. The same blue as both of their eyes. Eugene walked to Varian, his emotions a mix of concern and relief. He did it. He used the Mind Trap on him. Putting the talisman away, the dark prince gently helped Varian up and the boy limply went along. This was good. This was what had to be done. Patting the younger's head, Eugene smiled. "See kid ? I knew you'd come around eventually." Of course, Varian didn't answer, not even looking at him with his glowing, lifeless eyes. Eugene winced, as if finally realizing what all of this implied- what he had done to another human being- what he had done to Varian, his brother- He shook his head and walked away, the alchemist following him. It was too late for regrets anyway. Varian's mind was blank. There was nothing, no thoughts, no feelings; but that nothingness was sometimes troubled by flashes of memories that something deep down within was fighting to make resurface. A warm smile. Books. A birthday celebration. Gentle brown eyes. But that was stupid. The only eyes he knew were not brown, they were electric blue, blue like the Moonstone. And since he swore loyalty to it, then these blue eyes were all that he had to care about; not the books, not the celebrations, and not the brown eyes as well. So he buried these flashes of memories as soon as they resurfaced, because they didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was protecting the man with blue eyes. And he would protect him, for the sole reason that it was his duty.

#varian #moongene #tts #tangled the series #mindtrap #rapunzles tangled adventure #dk au #brotherhood!varian #my writing

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the-hopeless-haze · 4 years

Text

Someone Who, Like it Or Not, Will Want You to Share a Little a Lot

BEING ALIVE Chapter 9

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

A/N: This is my submission for @thatesqcrush kink bingo square praise!kink. Also this chapter went a lot different than I originally planned but it just hit me like a ton of bricks so I hope it’s clear what I’m going for. IDK time to flip the script a little! Also if you saw this posted and disappear it’s because tumblr hates me ok sorry

Content Warning: Smut (ahah) and vague mentions of past abuse (if you’ve been reading the story you know)

Word Count: 5k (sorry lol)

(also how did I never see this gif before fuck me)

“I got you something,” Rafael says. You’re in his office for a lunch break, making sure he eats the salad you’d made for him. Sometimes he still hates you. When you try and shove lettuce down his throat, well, that’s one of those times. But he knows it’s for his own good, like most things you do with him in mind.

“Ooh, we’re doing birthday gifts already?“ you ask, kissing his cheek. "I figured I’d see you later… you’re coming to the restaurant, right? I really don’t think Sonny knows what ‘surprise’ means, but hey. It’s nice of him and the squad.”

“Yes. I know all about it. He hasn’t left me alone for the past two weeks.”

“Nice to know someone cares about me,” you tease, and Rafael rolls his eyes.

“Well, anyway, I figured I’d see you at lunch today, so I brought this one thing with me. I wanted you to wear it tonight. Don’t worry, cariño, you have plenty of other gifts waiting for you at my place.”

“I told you not to go all out. I’m only turning 26. 35 is the next big one.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “35? I thought it was 30?”

"No. I think 30 will be just another one. Everyone makes it a big deal because it ends in a 0, but I don’t think it is. 35 is where the line is crossed. That’s when you’re officially middle-aged,” you say, grinning a little.

“Jesus, so what am I? Ancient?”

“No. You’re still middle-aged,” you giggle. “You’re getting there, though.”

“Mm. Right. Remind me why I spent money on you again?”

“Because…” you drawl, pulling him in by his tie to press your lips to his. And oh, it’s a mesmerizing kiss, like most of them are: one of your hands moves to the back of his head, pulling him in ever closer, and you’re slipping your tongue in his mouth, the acidic tinge of the vinaigrette you had been eating just the jolt he needed to get him to grasp for you. His hands slip under your shirt, earning a gasp from you, but Rafael remembers he’s in his office and the shades aren’t drawn and keeps his hands on your waist. You’re not close enough; you’re never close enough. “That’s why. Right?”

“Right. I forgot,” he snickers, pecking your lips. “Do you want your present or not?”

“Of course, honey.”

So he gets up and pulls out a jewelry box from his desk drawer, taking a deep breath, unsure of why he was so nervous. He smiles awkwardly, walking back over to the table and handing it to you.

“Open it, cariño.”

You do, your hands shaking a little as you unlatch the box, revealing a simple, delicate gold chain with an emerald pendant attached to it. You don’t say anything, your eyes watering as you look up at him.

“Do you not like it?” he asks, cursing himself. He should’ve asked you to pick something else out.

“Rafael, I can’t accept this. How much money was this? I can’t…”

“It doesn’t matter. I bought it for you, and I want you to have it. Do you like it, (y/n)?”

“I love it, Rafael, but it’s too much… I told you not to spend too much.”

Who was counting? He wasn’t above sharing his wealth that he’d worked to accrue. It was nice to be able to give, sometimes, and that was the expectation, wasn’t it? It was your birthday, he was your boyfriend, and he would be damned if he was outdone by anyone on the squad tonight.

"Just let me give this to you. Please,” he says. “And don’t cry.” God, you were always crying. Too much. You were an emotional person, and internalized everything, good or bad. He’d have to talk you out of ways you put yourself down frequently, but lately he’s been finding it hard to be bothered by it, because you’d smile after he smoothed out the knots in your mind, and kiss him like you meant it. “Stand up. Let me put it on.”

“Okay,” you whisper, nodding and getting up. “This is the nicest thing…anyone’s ever bought for me. Don’t think I don’t want it, Rafael, I do, but it’s… I was shocked at first. I don’t want to put you out.”

"Shh,” he says, taking the necklace out of the box and pushing your hair aside. He kisses the back of your neck, placing the necklace on your skin and clasping the hook.

“I like the pendant,” you say, fingering it between your pointer finger and thumb. “It reminds me of your eyes. Thank you so much.”

“I’m glad you like it. I’m not in the habit of buying jewelry, really. I never had anyone to buy anything for, so I didn’t know…”

“You have good taste,” you say, turning around and smiling, but then your face falls a little. “But… Rafael… how long?”

“How long what?”

“How long did you live like that? Alone? I mean, after Yelina, did you ever get that close again?”

He sighs, leaning against the table. He doesn’t want to divulge this, but at the same time he feels like he has to share. “There was a man. I was… 35,” he chuckles mirthlessly. “But we didn’t work out. Guess I didn’t get the memo that that’s when I was supposed to have my shit together. And I just… I just gave up after that. I had flings, but never got that close again.”

"Honey, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I was only joking about the middle-age thing—“

Rafael waves his hand dismissively. “It’s fine, (y/n).”

“You sure?”

“Mm,” he says, putting an arm around your shoulder.

“Eight years is a long time, though.”

"It is… and if I ever seem distant, I don’t mean to be. I’m just used to being alone.”

“I don’t want you to ever get used to that again, honey,” you say, leaning against the table next to him. “You get used to me being here. Soy tuyo y… eres mio.”

He kisses you then, urgently. God, you were going to start talking to him in Spanish now? Even if all you knew was elementary level, he was a goner.

He doesn’t have much time to dwell on that thought, because Carisi’s knocking on the door. “Sorry to interrupt, Counselor, but I need to borrow the birthday girl,” he says, smiling brightly in that annoying way he always did. “We need her more than you right now.”

"What happened? I told Olivia an hour,” you ask, taking Rafael’s hand in your own as he pulls away from your mouth.

“Yeah, well, you know you can ask for an hour… but that doesn’t mean you’re gonna get it. She told me to come pick you up. We got a lead, and if you wanna get out by dinner…”

You roll your eyes at Sonny, then glance at Rafael. "Looks like I have to cut this short. Bye, honey,” you say, kissing him. “Make sure you eat your salad.”

“Yeah, Barba. Gotta get those greens in,” Carisi chuckles as you both give him a look. “What? It’s cute that you worry about his health. My ma, she’s always on my father about taking his meds, and she cooks for him, makes sure he goes for walks.”

“Well, I can’t have Rafael dying on me,” you say, putting on your coat. “I’d miss him too much.” You flash Rafael a smile, heading out with Carisi’s arm around your shoulder.

Sometimes he still feels a pang in his chest when he sees you with Carisi. Things seemed so easy between the two of you, so simple, like you’d been friends for decades as opposed to the months Carisi had been on the SVU. And Carisi was still annoying, God, the man never shut up about anything, and his off-color comments were more than eyebrow-raising at times. In some ways, Carisi was your work-husband, and Rafael supposes that’s to be expected. Partners got close, maybe even closer than some legal marriages.

Another reason why it was a sham. Right? Just because you didn’t have a ring on your finger or his last name didn’t mean you weren’t close to him.

But you could always be closer. Too close for comfort. Wake up next to him every day, brush your teeth in the bathroom next to him while he shaves, argue with him about not taking the trash out on time or something equally mundane. Sounds like hell. Sounds like monotony. Sounds like settling, maybe more on your part than his.

Because who would be able to marry you and call that settling?

Aside from the fact that marriage was always a risk for settling - because what are the odds you pick the right stranger off the streets of New York to bind yourself to for the rest of your life? Another hundred people were always getting off trains, getting on buses, leaving crowded streets to catch planes into or out of this city.

Rafael, though, he was always staying in the same place.

And, even though it may be insignificant in the grand scheme of things, the fact remains that somewhere on some paper in that precinct, your name is next to Carisi’s, billing you as partners. There was no such record of you and Rafael anywhere, not even a Facebook status. And that? From a legal standpoint, if one wanted to be crude, you two were nothing more than friends who fucked. Even if you did live together (which you didn’t) common law marriage wasn’t legal in New York.

So. Legally, if you went down that convoluted path, maybe you were closer to Carisi.

Rafael isn’t sure what to think about that. He’s over the jealousy; it’s been long enough now that he trusts you not to do anything stupid, and as much as Rafael hates to admit it he believes Carisi’s too set in his morals to even look at you suggestively. But it’s still something to think about, isn’t it?

——

“You look gorgeous,” Rafael whispers in your ear, helping you zip up your dress. You did; clad in a crushed velvet emerald long-sleeve number - yet another thing Rafael shelled out money for - and there’s a sense of pride in seeing it match perfectly with the necklace he’d gifted you earlier. “But I already can’t wait to bring you back here.”

“Mm, is that yet another present, honey?” you ask, pressing back against him. “You’ve really been spoiling me.”

“You’ve been a good girl. You deserve it,” he says, chuckling as you shiver.

“We’re gonna be late. Not nice to tease me,” you pout.

“I’ll make it up to you tenfold. Put your shoes on.”

The restaurant is nicer than Rafael thought the squad would pick out when they mentioned this idea to him a few weeks ago, but he has half a mind that they thought Rafael would help cover most of the bill. Which he did, as expected. Give a little, get a lot. Something like that. Like it or not, he’s dating the birthday girl, and he’s expected to be more giving than usual. By you, too, of course, even if you would never voice that assumption. He couldn’t very well buy himself suits that cost two grand for no reason and justify not spending the same amount or more on you on special occasions.

“Hey, happy birthday! Surprise!” Carisi says as you get to the table.

You roll your eyes at him before hugging him. “You said happy birthday to me, like, what? Twenty times today? It’s not a surprise anymore. But thank you.”

“Hey. Dream team. Had to do something for the best pardna in the world,” he says.

“Well, damn, Barba, you got (y/n) dressing to the nines too, now,” Amanda says when she sees you, smiling and squeezing your shoulder gently. “I feel underdressed now.”

“Nah, you look beautiful, Amanda,” you tell her, grinning back. “Blue’s your color.”

“Green’s definitely yours.”

This is the first time the whole squad has gone out with Rafael present since they found out for certain that the two of you were dating, and Rafael isn’t quite sure what to make of the atmosphere. He still feels excluded as the only lawyer present at a table full of detectives, and he thought maybe a known tie to you would change that, but it doesn’t, not much. Everyone falls into telling stories, and tonight they mostly concern you - but Rafael has none he wants to share even if maybe you expect him to contribute to the conversation.

What could he say that they didn’t already know?

Besides, what the hell did they think about him? He can only imagine what went through their heads once it was confirmed that he was dating you.

Isn’t he a little bit, well… too much of a smartass? Tacky, in the sense that he’s still that same kid from the barrio trying to fit in with the upper-class of New York with expensive suits and a brass ego? Old? Short? Aggressive (maybe more so passively)? Neurotic? Peculiar? Depressing?

God, he’s practically old enough to be your father.

Everyone was always trying to set you up with someone before they knew you weren’t single, whether it be Sonny with his Fordham buddies or Amanda with her men from god-knows-where or even Olivia one time with a sergeant from a different department. Maybe it’s because you’re beautiful, and beautiful people don’t stay single for long (unless, perhaps, if they were surly and standoffish, which you weren’t in the slightest). You’re a charmer, even if you don’t necessarily mean to be. A flirt without quite realizing it, without being too much of a threat. Pleasant to be around. Easy to like. A little shy, a little rough around the edges, a little stoic at first, sure, but that was easily overlooked and if someone put in the time, you were an open book.

It was easy to pity you. Maybe that shouldn’t be how he sees you, but sometimes he just can’t help but feel so damn bad given everything that’s happened to you. And he knows that’s how the squad feels too. Sure, you could handle yourself on your own, but no one wanted to let you. It’s in Olivia’s eyes when she looks at you sympathetically, it’s in Amanda’s hand when she squeezes your shoulder, it’s in Carisi’s insistence on putting himself in harms’ way so you wouldn’t ever have to take the fall: Poor baby. We’re the only tenderness you’ve ever known.

And maybe that’s true, maybe this squad was the only kind of lasting kindness you’d ever been shown. You don’t talk much about your past, and that’s fair, because Rafael doesn’t think there’s much that would be pleasant to recount. After the rape, middle school was difficult for you, as was to be expected, and you didn’t have many friends that stuck around. He’s never heard you say a word about high school, and sure, college was probably a lot better than the hell you’d been through before, but you had no one you kept in contact with from there, not even the woman you mentioned sleeping with before. Maybe life hasn’t handed you all the wrong cards: you’re gorgeous, you’re intelligent, you’re great at your job.

But in the interpersonal sphere, you’re lacking, maybe as sorely as Rafael, and that’s something he never quite thought about until now. You didn’t wear it like he did though, and you still had hope, somehow, whereas Rafael’s supplies of optimism had been used up over the years. Maybe one day you’d run out, too.

Leave it to Rafael to bring the melancholy to a birthday party.

But you wouldn’t bring the squad home; you couldn’t. On the nights you didn’t spend at Rafael’s or the nights he didn’t spend at your apartment, you were as alone as he was. He wonders, did you sit there and stare at the walls, struggle to sleep without him by your side… or did you not care?

“Honey, I was talking about you,” you say, giggling a little, and he feels your hand on his shoulder bring him back to the present. “You’ve been out of it, tonight, huh? Anyway, I was going to ask if you’d tell them about your theatre productions—“

“Oh, Jesus, (y/n), why the hell are you going to bring that shit up?” he asks, feeling a slight blush creep up his neck. “I told you about that in confidence.”

“Oh, come on. It’s cute.”

“Yeah, come on, Barba. She’s the birthday girl. You gotta do what she says,” Carisi chimes in.

Rafael glares at him and sighs. "Fine.”

“Floor is yours, Counselor,” Amanda says, winking. “Maybe you can sing for us, too.”

“Fine. I was in theatre in middle and high school. Happy?” he snaps. He knows he shouldn’t be so mean, and this was trivial, but he could do without the little jabs from the squad and your puppy-dog eyes.

“Why do you have to be like that, Rafi?” you ask. “Come on. Tell them the production in eighth grade.”

“This really means that much to you?“

"Will you just tell the story?” you ask. “No one will make fun of you, honey. I won’t let them.”

“Mm. Right. Well, my school couldn’t get the licensing rights to anything actually good that year for the Christmas musical… so we did A Christmas Peter Pan. It was about as awful as you think it would be.”

“What part did you play?” Olivia asks. Of course she’s the only one at the table who’s not tittering with laughter.

“I didn’t try out soon enough, and they didn’t have any parts left… so I played the crocodile.”

Amanda damn near spits out her drink, and Rafael rolls his eyes as Carisi laughs heartedly and Fin and Nick try and fail to not crack teasing smiles.

“I just really can’t picture that, Barba. Damn,” Carisi says after he calms down. “How bad was the costume?”

“What do you think a middle school theatre department could put together?” Rafael asks, narrowing his eyes. “Anyway. I didn’t have any lines, at least.”

“No, but you had three scary entrances,” you tease, grinning brightly and squeezing his shoulder. “Hey. It was your debut. I can’t wait until I get your mother to show me pictures—“

“Send them to me,” Amanda says. “I’m begging you.”

“I’m going to get my mother to burn that scrapbook before you’re ever in its vicinity,” Rafael mutters, chuckling.

“Aw, come on, honey, don’t be like that. You know I’d never let Amanda see them. Sonny, maybe—“

“Hey!” Amanda interjects while Rafael shoots you a withering look.

“No, I wouldn’t let him see them either. Some things are actually meant to be shared in confidence,” you laugh. “But anyway, Rafael went on to bigger and better things. He played Kenickie in Grease sophomore year, right? And you got the lead senior year?”

“Mm. Nathan Detroit. Guys and Dolls.”

“I have no idea what that is,” Carisi says.

“Of course you don’t,” Rafael retorts.

“It was a big part. He says his mother has a tape of that somewhere—“

“Are you trying to kill me, (y/n)?” Amanda asks exasperatedly. “The knowledge that that’s on film and I’ll never see it?”

“Mm. Deal with it. That’s not the one you wanna make fun of though,” you say. “Rafael can sing. He never will in front of you guys now, but he can.”

Right. Little things he’d shared with you, maybe without even meaning to, and now you could list them off as nonchalantly as if you were talking about yourself. Did any of his ex-lovers ever bother to learn all his amateur theatre roles front to back?

Thankfully, the waitress brings the cake over after a few minutes, saving him from more humiliation, and everyone, even Rafael, obliges and sings ‘Happy Birthday’ to you before you blow out the candles.

“Well, our blessings, (y/n),” Olivia says, grinning.

“Don’t tell your wish or it won’t come true,” Fin chuckles.

“Actually… I didn’t wish for anything,” you say, shrugging.

“What do you mean, you didn’t wish for anything?” Carisi asks.

“Tell, but lie,” Nick says.

“Nah. I’ve got everything I want. Thank you for including me in your thoughts, your lives—“

“Aww. Stay exactly as you are, (y/n),” Carisi says, reaching over to squeeze your hand. “What a sweetheart, huh, Barba?”

“Everyone adores you, (y/n),” Amanda laughs. “What an awful thing.”

Yeah. Everyone did adore you - but you weren’t an unshakable tenant in anyone’s life.

And, come to think of it, neither was Rafael. Rafael was always confused as to why the hell you even approached him all those months ago, flirted with him, got him to buy you dinner… but fuck, it was clear now. You were alone, grasping at straws just like he was. A couple months in the city you dreamed of living in since you were a child provided you with nothing more than acquaintances you worked and occasionally got drunk with, and maybe it was human nature to want more than that.

Yet here you were insisting that you didn’t wish for anything. What the hell? Didn’t you want more than what Rafael was giving you? Shouldn’t you?

Fuck if he knows. He’s not even sure what he wants anymore, never mind what you want.

——

Rafael has never been above sharing his body for someone else’s pleasure. It felt good to give in this regard, and fuck it, if anyone deserved to have a good, healthy sex life it was you.

It had been a long road to get you comfortable - yes, the first time you had sex with him you were more than a willing participant - but he’d notice sometimes when he initiated things, you would space out and become unresponsive. That was absolutely not going to work for him. He’s been prosecuting sex crimes long enough for that to turn his stomach in the worst way. The last thing he’d want is to take advantage of someone who was lying underneath him just because they thought it would appease him, not because they genuinely wanted to be there.

You got mad at him the first time he brought it up; said he was reading too much into things - but eventually you came around and admitted what had made you uncomfortable, what had turned you off, what had made you freeze, and what it came down to was years of trauma that no one had bothered to work through, not even yourself. What started with the rape went on to college boys who wouldn’t keep their hands to themselves and tried to pressure you when you weren’t ready - and you’d never quite learned to say no. You said you didn’t want to share this, didn’t want him to think you were some perpetual victim or that you didn’t enjoy sex - because you had had positive sexual experiences aside from Rafael, obviously - but sometimes all it took was a touch in the wrong place and you shut down. You still had issues here and there, but at least you’d actually fucking talk to him now, which was progress. He would’ve thought for an SVU detective with a psychology degree this wouldn’t be an issue, but maybe it’s how it goes - you put all your energy out there for the victims and you never learn how to unlearn your own toxic thought cycles and behaviors.

Also, Rafael learned, through trial and error, that you liked to be praised. Maybe it was after years of being ashamed of your body and sex, after years of feeling like you were inexperienced because you never met anyone worth having experiences with… but it was almost like you got off on it and Rafael wouldn’t really mind if that was the case. You are a good girl - his good girl - especially now, as he’s sitting at his desk chair in his apartment and you’re riding his thigh, your dress ridden up to your waist. Your lips are kiss-bruised and you’re so wet he can feel you seep through your panties to his dress pants.

Fuck it if you ruined them. Fuck it if you ruined him.

“Yes, good girl, you gonna get off on my thigh, (y/n)?” he asks, his voice low in your ear.

“I don’t know if I can,” you laugh. “Might need some assistance.”

“No, I think you can. Want you to try it. You think you’re close, mi buena chica?”

“Mm, don’t know. I didn’t think I was gonna have to work this hard on my birthday,” you say, leaning down to kiss his mouth. “Don’t you think those hands could be of good use somewhere?”

“Maybe. Where do you want them?“

"Mm, fucking everywhere,” you drawl.

For Rafael, sex was always just fun. Usually, it was better if he knew the person at least a little, but after Yelina, he didn’t care as much and was a little more of a libertine. Sex with you, though; it’s different - it’s a conversation - maybe like it’s supposed to be, sharing what you can’t or what you won’t say with words.

Maybe he should feel more flattered, because you were sharing a lot, too.

Rafael gives you what you want, though, cupping your breasts as he kisses you, murmuring words of encouragement in your ear in between - “Yes, just like that, you can do it, come for me, such a good girl, come on, cariño” - and when you do finally fall apart, he peppers your face with kisses. “See? I told you.”

“Mm. Sometimes you’re right,” you giggle, kissing the side of his mouth. “But I’m not working that hard for the next orgasm.”

“Fair enough,” he chuckles.

And you don’t; Rafael brings you over the edge with his tongue and fingers, but you’ve barely come down from your high before he’s on his back, at your mercy instead.

“What are you doing? Didn’t think you wanted to work for it anymore,” he teases as you press kisses on his chest.

“Nah, you’re gonna fuck me, hombre, but I want to do something for you first,” you purr, trailing down lower, lower, lower…

“It’s your birthday–”

“Mm. Yeah. But now I just guaranteed that you have to go down on me on yours,” you giggle. “No. We’re not counting favors here, right? Just let me.”

And you’re so good. You always are, but every time just seems to get better as you learn more of what he likes, what gets him off. He wonders vaguely if he you feel that way too, but he doesn’t have much time to dwell on that as your lips wrap around his cock. “Fuck, so good, (y/n),” he hisses. If he wasn’t almost painfully hard before he definitely is now. “That’s it, oh fuck.”

One of your hands comes to cup his balls gently as your tongue and lips work his cock and it’s hard to remember that you were ever tentative giving him a blowjob before. Maybe that’s the thing about sex; everyone thinks they need experience to be a good lover, but maybe they don’t. Maybe they just need to listen to their partner. Rafael’s slept with people who have slept with countless numbers of people but no one’s ever learned his body like you, and your count was much lower. Granted, Rafael never quite allowed himself this type of vulnerability with anyone else in recent history, either, but it was only fair that if some of your walls came down some of his did as well.

Still, he has to make sure you know that by gasping out praise and encouragement, tangling his hands in your hair, being careful not to pull too harshly. “Fuck, so good at that, sucking my cock so good, se buena, mm, fuck.”

Eventually, though, Rafael can feel that he’s dangering the brink and has to stop you. Switching positions again - you’re on your back for him now - and he’s lining up his cock with your pussy, making sure you’re still good. With your consent, he enters you, groaning softly at finally feeling you wet and warm around his cock.

“God, you’re fucking gorgeous, you know that?” he grunts as he starts fucking in and out of you, slowly at first.

“I’d hope you think so,” you say.

“Think - no. You are. Fucking gorgeous.”

Your cheeks flush a little and he can’t believe you still get flustered when he tells you that. But you are a vision - hair splayed on his pillow, your breasts heaving in tandem with your breath, your skin shining with a slight sheen of perspiration. Yeah. Fucking gorgeous.

And, oh fuck, now you’re clawing at his back, scratching with your nails. A shiver runs down his spine as he fucks into you harder, “That good?”

“Fuck, yeah, Rafael, fuck me,” you whine and he leans down to press a searing kiss to your mouth.

“Mm, so pretty, taking my cock so well, cosita bonita, so good for me,” he rasps in your ear.

You’re meeting him thrust for thrust; the only sounds Rafael can hear is the slap of skin on skin and his heart pounding in his ears as he kisses up and down your neck. “Mm, Rafael, feels so good,” you purr, and yeah, now he can see why you get off on those simple words of encouragement.

It’s not long before the two of you reach your highs and come down, a panting, tangled mess twisted up in his bedsheets. “Mm. Feliz cumpleaños, cariño.”

“Yeah, happy birthday to me,” you laugh, leaning over to snuggle against his chest. “Fuck, I’m exhausted now.”

“Thought I was supposed to be the old one.”

“Like you could go for another round right now.”

“Try me, mujer,” he chuckles. “Shower?”

“In a minute,” you giggle. “Let my heart rate come down a little.”

The two of you lay there in silence, your breathing rates settling while Rafael’s mind sets off to the races again. You were right, earlier, eight years was a fucking long time and it didn’t get any easier to be alone.

It doesn’t get any easier to be with someone, either, though, like when you wake him up too early in the morning and ruin his precious sleep, or when you make snide remarks that ruin his day and bruise his ego or, worst of all, as always: when you see right through him, like the front he puts up just doesn’t exist.

Maybe, though, maybe he’s a masochist because god forbid you leave. Here he was, carving out hours of his precious time; time he used to tell his mother he never had to spare, and sharing it with you. And you wanted him to.

Rafael doesn’t know what the hell to make of that.

Tag list: @caked-crusader @thatesqcrush @law-nerd105 @arabellathorne @blackeyedangel9805 @moon-river-drifter

#rafael barba x reader #rafael barba x you #barba x reader #barba x you #raul esparza #ada rafael barba #svu fanfiction #svu #law and order svu #rafael barba #law and order special victims unit #law and order: special victims unit #thatesqcrush kink bingo

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hannie-dul-set · 3 years

Note

hello its me again !! yesterday I told you I followed u bc of your love for jaemin and your funny humour but today I want to add something else, and thaTS YOUR AMAZING WRITING SKILLS !!

i just finished reading the masterpiece that is Top of the world and I'm so shaken up by the excellence of the rich vocabulary, the sentence structure and just the way you wrote the various events that happened. I'm such at a lost of words to express what I feel you have no ideas, I will never recover from the high quality of this story. it couldn't have been better than that what you delivered and I'm just so so relieved to have been able to live this amazing experience of reading such an outstanding story. I'm sorry maybe you're thinking im showering you in too much compliments but you deserves to be praised for having written Top of the world.

I will always be amazed with how people who write are able to wrote down their imagination and wow, im still shaking like.. Im so impressed by you you have no ideas 🙈

moving on, this is the first time ever since I'm reading nct fics on tumblr that I came across this characterization of jaemin, and it is a real take of fresh air in the best way possible even tho he's really such an asshole like wow the popularity did go too high in his head I was so scandalized (in a good way lmao it made me amazed) with how an ass he was and like the way he ordered around jisung ???? djjdjffjhf I- I wanted to punch jaemin so hard 😤 I wanted to dive into the story and beat his ass lmaooo im sure you too, like I was rolling around in my bed bc I couldn't stay still and laying down without reacting ㅠㅠ

I dont know at what length of words the ask can tolerate but let me tell you something before I forgot ! I realized that every situations/events you wrote had a purpose, like you didn't wrote basic actions that we would pass over without much attention, and bc of that you held our attention during the 15.6k of words and it was so much overwhelming I couldn't stop reading just to breathe lol, you kept me going for so long and I really liked it im so sad that I lived this experience and I couldn't live it again *sobs* this is so revolting I want to pat your head you did so so well 🥺

alsooooo, when you introduced yn's character in the beginning, I was kinda afraid that he would bully her physically you know, like I couldn't imagining you daring to write him being more than despicable than he was but thanks god that wasn't what I imagined fjdjfj, the way he exercised his 'dominance' towards someone he didn't know just for a seat lmao, wow he got some real balls ?¿ I was scandalized a lot fjjfjffj but I was curious too about jeno's character in the story, he was so chill (I think?) about yn's being involved with jaemin from the start and I was expecting him to be an asshole to her just like jaem, u know ? could we know your motives about jeno's character in the story ? why didn't you wrote him like jaemin?

I will speed up a little fjfjj or else I will write you 6 pages of my thoughts lmao

but yeah !! so, I really liked the contrast between how we perceived yn's outside facade and inside, like when he make her kneels in front of him, you made us look at her from jaemin's view and how she looked not so bothered by his behavior and then you switched the second after into yn's point of view and how she tried to not show her emotions... *mind blowing* 🤯 not gonna lie, I was rotting for her to not let him mess with her head but instead her doing that to him and it kinda worked fjfjfjf and then I knew the moment he was surprised about the non effect he had on her that it was the start of his fall anD I WASN'T A SECOND DISAPPOINTED

I FUCKING LOVED THE BLOSSOMING REALTIONSHIP BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM anD the slight graduation of jaemin's becoming soft to her oh my god I had hearts in my eyes. I loved every moments of this story (I loved the entire 15.6k words of it, I cherished them), but the pool scene toward the end made me go feral for a lot of minutes like the picture you implanted in my head of him in the water made me post all my thoughts (also blonde jaemin? as in, make a wish jaemin?, god I hope bc fucking damn, he was so so so hot)

I was so emotional at the end, they got together and just, being the witness of jaemin's character development was breathtaking, I couldn't stop thinking about how smooth you made it for his character development during all the story, it wasn't forced or too quick...

It was perfect

omg.... [CLUTCHES HEART]. help oh my god first of all thank you ??? for leaving such a LONG long review omg ???? made my entire day ?? week ??? HQGSBWJ IN SUMMARY THANK U AND I LOVE U FOR THIS AAAA i really appreciate it when people just ramble abt my works it just makes my drive go ⬆⬆⬆ yanno HHHH.

when i was first writing this is was like "oh gosh....is it....okay to turn jaemin this much of a dick?? IS IT??" like i was so SURE people wouldn't like this characterization of him but i literally got the reverse 😭 never expected anyone to jump with me on my asshole richkid jaemin agenda bUT HERE WE ARE....IT BEING MY MOST POPULAR FIC YET HAHSJ. i both hate and love this kind of jaemin and yes i definitely wanted to drag him down from his high horse while writing (at the same time....i will let him drag me around as he pleases too 😳).

i'm very gratified that u think its cohesive and each scene has a purpose because to be honest i didn't fuckin know where to go with this entire fic at first LMAO i was just in a richkid jaem brainrot after talking abt it too much with my friend and this was....the result 🕴.

as for jeno oh mr. jeno lee....HAGSNSK to be honest, as this fic wasn't rlly that deeply planned HAHA, i just wanted a contrast to jaemin's personality LMAO if he had the same personality as jaems....insanely egotistical god complex and all.....i think this would have turned out to be a love triangle AHAHS GM SKW. bUT— but hehe. i have another richkid fic in the dusty corners of my google docs rn. a 00’ line fic in fact HAHA so totw jaemin and jeno will be making a comeback here (ofc this is an entirely different universe but their characterizations are essentially the same HEHEHEHEHEH).

anyway !! thank u so much for sharing ur thoughts on totw ;o; 💞 this rlly made my day no joke HAHA i'm so happy to hear you liked this aaaaa. and yes. maw jaemin was the cause of all of this. something snapped in him during that era and led me to write this very self indulgent fic. thank u HAGHSKA.

#and no worries ur grammar is perfect !!! :D hehehe thank you once more aaaa and very sorry for replying late ;o;#💌: byunfirstlady #feedback #top of the world

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icharchivist · 3 years

Note

hello icha!! i finally got around to finishing the stranger haha,, by which i mean i just watched it today. was veryyyy excited for it as i really like the poster design for this one. anyways. this event starting w/ the sort of portrait format or whatever / that narration is like. god. threw me right back to autumn troupe. I kind of love that the storytelling format itself is so distinct for autumn! the moment I realized it was omi I started getting teary… like oh man oh man… omi…. And the connection with him taking photos! ahh!! now that I think about it… omi kind of seems a bit like early version tsumugi, huh? also I keep forgetting this man is a college student lol. suspension of disbelief I suppose. onto the play i think like. mankai should invest in a fainting courch for tsuzuru. i also went to watch the play and 1) im betting yuki had a hell of a time costume design wise like the vines on the body? such fun costuming wise and 2) the ethical implications of whatever this play has,,, fun fun. tsuzuru was clearly having some kind of thoughts. i love zeros design and am always up for a3 characters crossdressing bc 1) i think its fun and 2) the costume design. i also dearly wish this whole thing was animated bc I feel like it’d be o fun to see taichi act as zero. or at least I hope this event gets full voiced one day... moving on to the scene where omi adds soy sauce to the paella I know it’s just like haha homare funny so lets five him a lil bit but like everyone in autumn troupe making their comments on the paella and like homare just jumping in. homare autumn troupe besties. just thinking. also the way they just r like. no no no omi it’s fine if u made a mistake!! it’s ok! we like it (you) anyways <3 it’s got it’s own special taste. something something omi’s perfectly pleasant as he is now but even if he weren’t on his a-game and was dealing with all of the biker gang stuff they would love him just as hard. another thing that got me was omi telling banri that he’ll give him something sweet so juza will stop grinding his teeth in his sleep… guys… guys you’ll give him cavities…. mb omi is a college student after all lol.

anyways when i saw the actual costumes. appreciative of them, i like the lil circuit-esque detailing on banri’s outfit, and that sakyo and taichi (nine and zero) both share that like collar detail? its very symbolic and probably also literal but its a nice way to sort of signify their relation to each other visually! also sakyo just looks nice. seeing him without glasses is so great. whoever thought up the like two mole detail for him was doing gods work.

something that confused me was ryo mistaking juza for nachi for a split second? like. does juza… look similar to nachi? or was it just that ryo only heard juzas voice and made that mistake. if it’s appearance wise too. kumon nachi confirmed. I’m joking lol bc I feel like I would’ve heard at least something abt it in one of the like small conversation comments, plus that doesnt seem like itd fit summer troupes style and kumon is for sure the wrong age… but still.

i really like how for this event, the roles for taichi and omi were kinda reversed. and taichis just so like. idk. smiley. rly lifts ur spirits. its kind of nice how this event contrasts to that cg where taichi is crying on omi. I also think like. idk. considering the story of the stranger. wolf gives zero a sense of purpose and life and I think that zero helps wolf lose his apathy. it’s about “the stranger” and the ending makes him like… not a stranger, right? because he’s got a companion. in the same way, taichi brings omi out of his emotional isolation. the picture taking! also the stickers coming back… thats such a good setup! the found family of it all!!

when he was trying to work out zeros character as soon as taichi mentioned a sharp speaking style I KNEW it was Yuki… yuki would never be as honest as zero is though lol… to me i imagine she’s got a sort of juza internal monologue feel? anyways. the taichi yuki dynamic intrigues me. havent yet decided how I feel abt it but when I do… yes. sorry that I make literally no sense. I think it’s very obvious that yuki is my fav chara kind of? I’m just. hmmm it makes me think! I’ve been monologuing to myself abt the yuki and juza dynamic lately which, to my a3 knowledge so far, doesn’t exist, but its ok bc I’ll make it exist! uhhh anyways this event was very good i liked the pacing. i think it didnt drag too hard and it really properly honed in on just omi and taichi, which was quite nice. they really did a lot for just an event!

time to listen to the event song,,, ok so. ah. i rly enjoyed just for myself it was very much to my taste so. out of curiousity i was like ok lemme look up the composer / producer AND IT WAS YUYOYUPPE....... that guy is like!!!! one of my FAV producers ever!!!!!! i know him from like. his vocaloid days and god leia is still one of my fav songs to this day...! this knowledge gives me so much joy omg!!! like wow!! wowwww!!! like i knew yuyoyuppe was out there doing other stuff (i know he worked on a lot of babymetal music which is cool) but like idk. to suddenly encounter it like this. heheh.... its so nice! made me soooo happy. going to relisten to leia now haha

WAIT ONE MORE THING. i was like "haha let me look at other songs i remember liking a lot" which. for me was rakuen oasis and don't cry. anyways. rakuen oasis is ALSO by yuyoyuppe???? oh my god!!! oh my god... sigh. feel like im in heaven.

OH HI FRIEND!! so good to see you with an a3 update!! :D

godd yeah The Stranger started so strongly and the idea to still incorporate portraits in his story was really something to make us cry!

And linking Omi and Tsumugi like this is pretty interesting :O <hat is your reasoning exactly? :O

For the fainting couch for Tsuzuru LMAO and i'm letting you know there's a webcomics that addresses it in Act 2 (hough there's no spoilers aside from the fact Chikage is here)

Im glad you liked the costume and the play!!! yeah i love the designs and it is always a blast to see them this into it, and yeaaah Tsuzuru has thoughts huh. It'll get voiced sooner than later hopefully and there we'll see more in details :3c but also that's what made the seiyuu live so fun bc they perform the songs in play cosplay and replay a bit of the play everytime and it's *chief kiss*

HOMARE AUTUMN TROUPE SOLIDARITY YES. LOVING IT.

And yeah the scene itself was so cute TwT they all want to reassure Omi and be there for him it's so sweet :( but yeah i love how you say it all, Omiimi TwT

and dLKFJDFLKJFDFD Giving Juza cavities is the price to pay for sleep i guess??

yeah agreed on the costume they all look so cool! and nice catch on how those three seem linked like that with their costumes, Yuki (and the designers) does such a good job! and god yeah for Sakyo.. yeah. He has sucha good design dLKJFDF

aND DLKFJD yeah no Juza is supposed to look like Nachi physically, but mostly his face? like i think Nachi was had green hair? we see a sprite of him in a future story, and yeah, everything is in the eyebrows. so Kumon should be safe? Omi mentions he sees a lot of Nachi in Juza, and while it is mostly due to their passions i think, the fact they're also rough looking guy with a heart of gold must play a part as well. but yeah, he does look like Nachi a bit.

and i love your deeper analysis of the event yeah!!

I feel like Taichi is really an emotional core of the troupe in the sense that is, he tends to catch on what others are feelings easily. And he uses it in the early chapters to ease off the tensions and stuff, but he was being held back by knowing he was deceiving them. So now that he's more free, he can be more of himself. but yeah i also love the contrast with how Omi was the one to help Taichi through his breakdown and guilt, and now it's the other way around, it's Taichi helping him through it. and the parallelism between the play and their dynamic is spot on imo! well said!!

and god yeah the sticker things made me cry sO HARD, and the pictures! and everything!! sobs it's such a sweet found family i'm going to cry :(

And! i love what you say about Yuki, Taichi and Juza on this one. I love that Taichi keeps bringing it back to "that childhood friend" and it's always like. so obvious who it is for us rip. But it can make you wonder if Yuki was more honest as a kiddo when Taichi knew him, though now he's clearly not. I love the mention of how Zero is more like Juza's internal speech (which, if anything is another argument about why you should let Juza wear a dress, cOWARD)

but also your mention of the Yuki and Juza thing, while i can't think of them having a dynamic per se yet, but i actually wrote a post during my reread about how i was baffled at the fact they treated Muku the same way?? like both of them tried to push Muku away because they were scared of how people would react if they say pure, sweet Muku was associated to them. And i find it fascinating because i guess those two are pretty aware of how the world see them, and it used to stop them from fully allowing them to be themselves.

I also find it relevant with the fact Yuki says in his personal song that while all of this way people judge him weight on him, he rather be himself, and "I want to love myself". Meanwhile we have Juza who's also aware of the way people judge him and it weight on him, and he wants to change himself from this person he hates, this self loathing - and in a way, he can grow in a way to be "someone" he may not hate, even on stage. I feel like those two have quite a bit in common in this way of being rejected by their peers in some sort of way.

I really want them to share some stuff at some point because there's really a groundwork on it all :(

But i'm really glad you liked that event!! agreed on the pacing and i do love what it brings to the characters! it really fleshes them out and have them move forward a little and it's pretty sweet.

AND OMG THAT'S SO COOL FOR THE SONG!! i'm so glad you liked it, but that's incredible it turned out to be from one of your fav producer!!! ahah sometimes life is like that where you end up finding the stuff you loved back into new stuff! and the fact Rakuen Oasis was from him as well... that's so cool!!! just, so so cool!

im pretty sure he has more songs going forward so i hope you'll enjoy the ride even more!!

thank you once again for sharing your thoughts about a3 :3c it always makes me so happy to see them!!!

Thank youu <3 have a good day :3c

#ichareply #ichafantalks a3 #sonnets of beauty #long post for ts

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one-leaf-grimoire · 4 years

Text

“pine and lavender”

Lisa and Julius go to visit her hometown in the woods. Julius has a grand ol time. idk what the title is supposed to be ajfdskfljds. Anyway, here’s another self-indulgent one shot. stan julisa etc.

Pairing: Julius x Lisa (my oc ajfsdkl)

Warnings: alcohol use (Julius gets a lil drunk) also some heavy flirting, a little of it suggestive but not like... that suggestive.

Two years. That’s how long it had been since Lisa last visited her hometown. She was still a magic knight back then, young and full of dreams, ready to take on what she believed to be a long career. But now, of course, that changed. Her career, and her whole life was unrecognizable. And even she was.

But even so…

“Are you sure about this?”

“Hmm?”

Lisa looked up from where she waited, to see Julius walking over. They were both dressed to travel, packing light for the mere two day getaway they had planned. Yet, Julius was asking as if they were about to leave for some treacherous journey. Perhaps that was true.

“You know… I don’t want you to think I expect to hang out with your family all the time,” Julius continued, finally reaching her side to stand on the balcony. “I know it’s tough for you, with your mother and all-”

“Julius,” Lisa interrupted him, taking his hand in hers to cut him off. “It was my idea, not yours! You made me hang out with your parents last week so it’s only fair that you have to visit my family!”

Julius blinked owlishly, then narrowed his eyes. “I see… wait, so you didn’t enjoy yourself last week?”

Lisa gulped nervously. Meeting Julius’s parents for the first time was an… interesting experience. Both of them were quite old, living alone in a nice place out in the countryside. The Novachrono family, being nobility, owned a couple of residences which they cycled between. Lisa, who grew up a commoner, found the whole arrangement quite extravagant, but it provided some neat weekend hideouts for her and Julius to enjoy. However, they weren’t alone last week.

(tragic flashback time)

“Julius! Oh, this must be your girlfriend!”

Lisa peeked out from behind Julius, her heart thumping in her chest as the elderly couple finally spotted her after greeting their son. The spark of excitement in their eyes, nearly identical to how Julius’s would be, gave way to some other emotion. It was brief, but they almost looked taken aback. Lisa physically resisted wincing.

Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it-

“OOh, you’ve got some mysterious mark on your head as well! No wonder our Julius likes you so much, ahah!”

Oh good. Lisa let herself exhale a nervous laugh, stepping forward to greet them properly. It wasn’t her fault she looked so young; she stopped aging when she was 20, after all. But it was nice to not be bombarded with questions all the time, from people assuming things about her relationship.

“It’s nice to meet you, too!”

(end non-so-tragic flashback)

“Oh, your parents were wonderful. A little… excited, but wonderful.” Lisa grinned and elbowed Julius playfully, earning an exaggerated reaction. “Anyway, I think they told enough embarrassing stories about you to last me a lifetime!”

“Ah, is that so?” Julius grinned back sheepishly, his prior worries fading quickly. “I thought you already knew everything about me?”

“There’s always more to learn~” Lisa shot a cheeky wink up at him before picking up her bag. “Come on, we’ll be late for dinner if we keep chatting all evening.”

“Right, right.” Julius could barely contain himself as he took her hand again. “I’m so excited to see your cousins again- do you think they’ll remember me?”

“Remember? You?! Meeting you was the highlight of their lives!”

Without any more delays, Lisa held on tight as Julius finally took off, leaving nothing but faint traces of his mana behind.

Approximately two minutes later, the pair landed with a resounding whoosh, causing birds and leaves alike to take flight from the trees around them. Branches creaked, and bushes rippled, but only a moment later the forest was as still as it was before. “Well, here we are!” Julius let go of her hand only momentarily to stretch a long arm over his chest. “Too bad we have to walk into town from all the way out here-”

“We talked about this, remember? What do you think’s gonna happen if you just crash down in the middle of town?” Lisa reminded him, turning away once he was ready to start the walk. “And also- once we get there, you’ll have to transform into someone else. I don’t want to become the talk of the town or anything…”

“I know, I know!” Julius looked more disgruntled at that factor than anything else. He let out a deep sigh, sadness shifting through his gaze momentarily. “If I could have my way… I would want everyone to know.”

“... I know. Me too.”

Julius was unapologetic in every facet of his life, and love was no different. He loved the Kingdom, he loved his friends, but most of all, he loved Lisa. If he had it his way, Julius wouldn’t hesitate to herald the news from every corner of the country.

“This woman? She’s mine! And I’m hers!”

Sadly, the two of them already felt the harsh reality of the world, when Augustus and the Magic Parliament found out and used Lisa’s involvement with Julius against her. And because of that, Julius had to keep this treasured relationship close to his chest, where the general public wouldn’t find out.

“Hey-”

He looked down as Lisa snaked her arm around his, smiling up at him comfortingly. “Marry me one day, and then everyone can know.”

Julius’s eyes lit up at the mere thought. “Seriously? Let's get married today, then!”

“What?! No way! Not yet, at least…”

“Ah, alright. I’m patient~”

Before they knew it, they reached the outskirts of town, and Julius was forced to transform. Lisa watched curiously as his body glowed gold, and he morphed into an unfamiliar man. He kept his blonde hair, but he had blue eyes instead of his usual purple. Also, his nose, chin, ears, brow- it was all different. “There! How do I look? Handsome?”

“Not as handsome as usual,” Lisa answered, eyeing him up. It was true, nothing could beat the usual Julius. Julius, of course, knew this, giving her a teasing wink as he grabbed her hand again to continue their journey.

Lisa’s hometown was small, but stable. They mainly subsisted on local crops and game, but they had to buy food from neighboring areas as well. Situated at the base of the mountains dividing the Clover Kingdom from Diamond, the town was once a battlefield, as both kingdoms vied for control over the precious gems underground. However, all those gems have been stripped away, and things calmed down for years and years.

At least, it used to be calm… up until that day.

One fateful attack by the Diamond Kingdom, nearly four years ago. That day changed everything. Lisa’s father was killed, leaving her alone with a mother who hated her and powers that she didn’t understand. She lost so much…

But I wasn’t alone, remember?

Lisa glanced up at the man walking next to her, humming to himself as they moved. She couldn’t help but smile as the memories washed over her.

Because, that day… I met you.

“LISAAAA!!!!!”

The door to Lisa’s old home slammed open, revealing her aunt Portia and her cousins. Before the two of them could react, they were bombarded with hugs from adults and screeching children alike. Lisa could do nothing but stand there and take it, but the wide grin on her face betrayed the fact that she was enjoying it.

“Lyra! You’re going to suffocate me!”

“And I would be right to do so!”

Cousin Lyra- One year older than Lisa, a total airhead, but also the sweetest person you’ll ever meet. The girl stepped back from her cousin with a little pout on her face. “You never come to visit, even though I told you your mom moved out! We only get to see you once a year, you know!”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry! I am kinda busy, you know!” Lisa defended herself, still smiling brightly. “Well, we’re here now, both of us.”

“Hey, who’s this weird guy?!”

Uh oh.

Lisa turned just in time to see Julius being circled menacingly by her two younger cousins, Pat and Rocco, the twins. Both of them had met Julius before, but now they were eyeing him suspiciously. “You’re right, who is this guy, Lisa?” Portia asked, her eyes widening. “Don’t tell me you and Julius broke up!”

“What?! No! I am Julius!” Julius looked a bit confused before the reason dawned on him. “Oh wait- right!” He stepped inside the house, out of sight of the street, and let himself change back to normal. Rocco and Pat immediately gasped. “OH! WIZARD KING!”

Lisa covered her mouth to stifle a giggle. Their excitement never failed to crack her up.

“Aha, you know- you can call me cousin Julius-” Julius told them, but it was no use. They continued to chant his title and before grabbing onto his legs like they were two tree trunks. Julius just sighed and let out a tired laugh, looking over at the others. “Not yet, I see-”

“Well, now that we’re here-” Lisa winced a little as she sat down at the kitchen table. “I’m ready for a relaxing night here at home.”

“What?! Relaxing?” Aunt Portia let out a giggle. “Nonsense! Lisa, you know what day it is, right?”

Her family giggled as she stared at them blankly. “It’s friday!”

Her eyes widened. “Oh no…”

Julius looked between them, confused. “Wait, what does that mean? Friday? What’s so special about friday.”

“It’s the busiest night at the tavern! All hands on deck!”

The rest of the family cackled. Lisa’s father owned the sole tavern in town, so it passed down to Portia and Lyra once he died. It was popular, and Lisa worked there for many years before leaving to join the Magic Knights. Lyra giggled and nudged Lisa with her elbow. “It’ll be just like old times! You and me waitressing, I even kept your old ‘uniform!’”

Lisa’s already-pale face was white as a sheet now. “U-Uniform!? Oh god, you can’t mean-”

(thirty horrible minutes later)

“TA-DA! Look at this, ‘James’!”

Julius turned around at the sound of the fake name he was using today. He had been sitting alone in the tavern, watching the other groups as they sat and drank, laughing and chatting among themselves. It was a strangely serene experience, being able to be alone. Well, at least it was nice to not have Marx breathing down his neck. Julius did miss Lisa though… he wasn’t sure why, but being away from her, even just for a little while, made him deeply uncomfortable. But luckily, she was back… sort of.

Lyra strained as she attempted to drag someone out from the back room. “Lisa! Behave!”

“No! Jul- I mean, James, don’t look at me! This is embarrassing-”

Lisa finally gave in, her face burning bright red as she was dragged out into the open.

“Isn’t she cute!? She had to wear this every day when she worked here!”

Her “uniform” was that of a tavern maid; a dress a little shorter than knee-length, a cute apron, and her usual tights. It wasn’t anything too shocking, but-

Lisa covered her face with her hands, mortified to be wearing something so out of her usual wardrobe. “D-Don’t look at me-”

It was too late- Julius was L O O K I N G.

“I said stop it!”

Julius finally snapped out of his “trance,” the dumbfounded look fading into a devilish grin. “Wowie… Lisa, maybe you should change your usual uniform to this-”

Portia and Lyra cackled along with the rest of her family as Lisa shouted back, too embarrassed to make any sense. Julius chuckled to himself, letting up on the teasing but allowing his eyes to still wander all over her body.”There’s nothing to worry about, my sweet… you look good in anything.”

Lisa sighed, letting her shoulders slumped, still not looking forward to the night ahead, but maybe it would be bearable. Maybe. “Thanks… You’re usually right.”

“Of course I am-”

“Lisa! Stop making eyes at him and get to work!”

With another loud objection, Lisa was dragged away once again, while Julius watched her work with shining eyes. As someone raised in nobility, Julius had to admit that he was a little out of his element. The tavern became increasingly louder as people started drinking, shouts and laughter filling the small building. Julius felt himself shrink around his drink, only accompanied by the younger twins and Lisa’s uncle. But among all the chaos, Lisa navigated it all perfectly. Once she forgot about the outfit, she weaved between the tables and jostling chairs, carrying a teetering tray of beers, her voice managing to pierce the noise filling the air. “Hey! Keep it civil, guys, I don’t want to mop up any of your blood.” “Talk to me like that again, and I’ll tell the Wizard King to come get you! Yeah? Scared now?” “NO GAMBLING IN HERE!” “Do you want me to burn you to a crisp? Because you’re asking for it!”

Julius laughed to himself as he listened, not able to tame the big smile on his face.

She’s so cute-

“Hey, Lisa, you got cute~”

Julius’s eyes popped back open.

Did… someone just-

“Hmm? So what if I did?” Lisa glared down at her new admirer, well, admirers. They were a group of three men sitting at a round table, red-faced and drunk, and apparently smitten with their waitress. “It doesn’t mean you can look at me!”

“Oh, but we are~” One of them giggled. “Why don’t you come back with us tonight? It can’t be fun JUST hanging out with your family.”

There was nothing Julius wanted to do in that moment other than spring to his feet, release his disguise, and teach those guys a lesson directly from the hands of the Wizard King. And he almost did, too! With his fists clenched so tight he knew his nails would leave a mark, Julius barely scooted his chair back before freezing as Lisa stepped in to defend herself much better than he could have.

“Listen! You three used to bully me all the time for having no mana. I wouldn’t want to be seen with you, even if my life depended on it! And besides-” Lisa resisted shooting a cheeky glance over at Julius. “I already belong to someone, so you’re too late.”

The trio blinked dumbly up at her, unable to comprehend what she was saying. Julius smiled to himself and slowly slid back down into his seat.

“I already belong to someone.”

He always liked hearing that.

“What are you looking at?”

And suddenly, she was right next to him, leaning up against the table with a little grin on her face. Julius blinked, his reaction sluggish. Ah, I guess I got stuck in a little daydream there- He shook off the feeling, amplified by the beers he drank, and smiled up at her. “Oh, just the cutest waitress in this place.”

Despite being mortified earlier, Lisa only blushed lightly at the comment, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Oh? I’m honored~ And what a coincidence, you’re the cutest guy in this place…”

Oh boy. The alcohol was starting to kick in for Julius, and Lisa knew it. His gaze started to fog up with some weird emotion that she knew well. She rarely saw him even get buzzed, so this was entirely unfamiliar. “Aha- ah, shucks, hehe-” He giggled boyishly to himself, closing his eyes for a moment as he collected his “thoughts.” Ahh… he would look so cute right now if he wasn’t in disguise, Lisa thought to herself, but it was enough to know that the unfamiliar man sitting here wasn’t unfamiliar at all… he was her man. “Hmm, you seem like you’ve had a little too much to drink” she teased.

Julius shrugged, lifting up his glass. “This is the best goddamn beer in the whole goddamn kingdom- HIC.”

Lisa bit her lip, thinking the little hiccup was just too cute. “Take it easy! I wouldn’t want you to pass out on me, hmm?”

Julius just laughed to himself again, his poor addled-brain hardly able to keep up. Damn! This beer is way more potent than I’m used to… these country folk know how to brew, that’s for sure. If I’m not careful, I’ll actually get drunk.

“Well, then tell me, waitress~” Julius finally spoke, wiggling his eyebrows. “When do you get off your shift?”

Lisa giggled, reaching out and running a friendly hand over his shoulder. Julius eagerly leaned into the gesture, like iron drawn to a magnet. That was what she was: a magnet. He would always be drawn to the gravity she possessed, something he couldn’t understand yet didn’t need to. All he really needed was her.

“Be patient~ We can go home soon.”

Without another word, Lisa leaned down and kissed his forehead, before pulling away to continue her work. Julius could do nothing but sigh and watch her go, his smile still traced on his lips and his mind hazy with desire.

(the next morning)

At exactly 6:30 am, Lisa’s eyes popped open. She was like a machine, her consciousness restoring itself almost instantly after her usual 6 hours of sleep. That was all she really needed, so she never gave herself much more. With a little yawn, the girl slowly rolled over in bed, her arm reaching out to find the warmth of a body beside her. However...

Julius wasn’t there, for some reason. Lisa frowned a bit, blinking as she got her bearings. Hmm, I wonder where he is? She was sure that they were together when they fell asleep late last night. In fact, she was 100% certain that was the case. Julius got all needy when he was drunk, and wouldn’t let go of her even as he fell asleep. It takes a lot to get him drunk in the first place. He should be terribly hungover right now.

“Portia? Lyra?”

Lisa peeked into the kitchen, the stillness in the air betraying that no one else was awake yet. That’s weird… well, Julius likes his morning walks, this could be his way of dealing with his hangover

She knew that Julius was the last person on earth she usually had to worry about, but he was unfamiliar with the area and could get lost. Keeping that in mind, Lisa quickly got dressed and headed out to search for him. It was still early, and also a Saturday, so the town was very quiet and empty. Lisa strolled down the streets, becoming increasingly disheartened as she failed to locate her wandering boyfriend. Well… maybe he went out into the woods? Ooh, I hope he’s alright-

Lisa decided to check the outskirts before heading back home, just in case. Luckily, her intuition ended up being right… just not in the way she expected at all.

“Lisa!!!! Hello!!! Good morning!!! Look at me!!!”

Just as Lisa reached the edge of the woods, who should come running out but a grinning Julius. Usually, Julius only moved fast when he was fighting, and moved so fast that he left afterimages everywhere he went. Other than that, he glided from place to place, as graceful and stately as could be. But now, Lisa watched in shock as a seemingly-normal albeit awkward looking man, with arms and legs a little too long for his body, came sprinting at her. But the strangest thing was-

“Julius!!! Why are you dressed like a lumberjack!?”

Lisa backed away slightly as he skidded to a stop in front of her, still almost giddy with boyish excitement, and she eyed his strange outfit: a red flannel shirt, JEANS, and a strange looking hat. She also noticed that he wasn’t in disguise anymore. But before she could say anything, Julius launched into a harried explanation, as if he already knew what she was thinking. “Oh, don’t worry! No one recognized me with this hat on, haha! See, I woke up early to make you some coffee for when you woke up, but your uncle was awake and invited me to come help him and some others gather wood and stuff in the forest! He gave me the outfit and everything! It’s a little tight though-” Julius shifted uncomfortably in his jeans. “Anyway, a lot of people in this town don’t have much magic, at least not for gathering wood, so I got to use an axe and everything! It was so much fun, we’re taking a short break now but we’ll be at it again soon, haha!”

Julius let out a jovial laugh while Lisa stood there, still absorbing the words he just spat out. “Oh… I see. Well, I’m glad you’re having fun-” She eyed his hat again, noticing that it covered most of his blonde hair as well as his swallowtail mark. “So… you’re not hungover or anything? You were pretty drunk last night…”

“Drunk? NO, no!” Julius wiggled his eyebrows. “That stuff only buzzed me… I was just using it as an excuse to act a bit more boldly, you know? I’m perfectly fine this morning.”

… of course he would do that- Lisa thought to herself, not sure if she should be charmed or exasperated…. She was leaning towards the former, since by now she was used to Julius’s antics. “You seem to be enjoying the commoner life, maybe we should quit our jobs and move out to a cabin in the woods,” she teased, letting herself smile brightly up at him. Now that the shock was wearing off… he did look really good in his new “uniform.” “You should wear stuff like this more often~”

Julius raised an eyebrow, but couldn’t wipe his goofy grin off his face. “Oh? Maybe I will~ And-” He reached down and took her hand in his, clasping it tenderly. “I’ll take you out to cabins in the woods whenever you feel like it! Just say the word, and it’s done!”

Lisa giggled, squeezing her eyes shut as Julius’s hand cupped her cheek, holding her face gently as his lips found the side of her head. “It’s good to know I have you wrapped around my finger~”

“Oh, more than my finger, my dear.” Julius winked as he straightened back up. However, that brief, sultry moment ended as soon as a new idea crossed his mind. “So! I was thinking- we should have a picnic for lunch!”

Lisa’s eyes it up at the same time as his own. “Ooh, I like that idea! Out in the woods?” She immediately started brainstorming what she could make.

“Not just any spot, though-” Julius fidgeted with excitement. “That spot by the river… with the flowers, where we first met?”

“Oh… oh! Yeah!” The memories flooded back, memories from a time much more complicated than now. “Meet me there at noon?”

“Yeah! Thank you, darling.” Julius leaned down, his intention clear. Lisa closed her eyes in time to feel his sweet kiss on her lips, brief yet just as intoxicating as ever. “See you soon!” Without another word, Julius waved goodbye before running off, disappearing into the trees. Lisa sighed to herself, the warmth of his presence still lingering on her skin. Wow… well, I have a picnic to prepare. She turned around and started to walk back home, her mind still caught up in the dream she somehow managed to turn into reality.

Back then, years ago, they met in that spot by the river. Lisa was lost, alone, hopeless, and confused, but all it took was a kind smile and that strange, warm feeling to get her moving again. Moving towards her goals, with nothing left to lose and everything to gain.

I gained and lost so much, over and over, but now… it’s just like you promised, Julius. You said, one day, our life will be simple. And now it is.

Despite the trials they experienced, the satisfaction of knowing filled Lisa’s heart: she was his, and he was hers. Completely.

(shortly before noon)

Finally alone, Julius took off his hat, letting his head breathe for the first time all morning. He had arrived at the spot a little early, so he had a few minutes to himself. “Hmm… this is the place, alright,” he muttered to himself, looking around. The stream still flowed lazily like it always did, and the blanket of white cornflowers still rippled gently in the breeze. The whole atmosphere was calming, yet so deeply potent with memories, both good and bad… but one in particular.

I still remember it so well… During that Diamond attack, Lisa dropped her Grimoire. I had to chase her all over town to give it back! I ended up catching up to her here… we had our first conversation. And her first smile-

Julius would have been content to die in that moment. For that brief second, he forgot that he was Wizard King, he forgot about all the responsibilities he carried on his back. He was weightless, unburdened… blessed. A girl he barely knew, someone he could tell was deeply troubled and complicated, defeated him with just a smile. At that time, he couldn’t have imagined that he would grow so close to her, watching as she clawed her way up, a girl with nothing to lose but everything to gain. It was what he admired most about her, but she was more than just another remarkable person in the magic knights.

She was his.

Julius found himself standing at the edge of the stream, the water calm enough for him to make out his reflection.

Despite how perfectly everything felt now… he couldn’t shake an unwelcome feeling.

Dread?

Julius shook his head slightly, watching his own eyes narrow with determination.

If I can protect an entire kingdom… I can protect one person dear to me.

“Julius!”

The voice calling out from behind him immediately dispelled the dread from his gut. Perking up, Julius quickly turned around to see Lisa walking over, picnic basket in hand and a big smile on her face. “Hey! I’m right on time~ Hungry?” She held up the basket, opening it up to look at the contents. “I made some sandwiches, but Portia had some leftover wine from last night so I packed a little of that as well, and-”

Lisa was suddenly cut off when a pair of arms closed around her. She stood there silently as she was held tightly, her face buried into the rough flannel of Julius’s shoulder. Slowly, she inhaled, taking in his scent, a scent indistinguishable from her own save for the new notes of pine he managed to pick up while working. Then, she exhaled, her arms drifting around his torso in time with her breath.

It was moments like these that she knew she was cherished. More than any treasure or prize the Kingdom could offer. Even if she didn’t understand why, she knew that fact.

After a few long, tender moments, Julius’s grip finally loosened, and he stepped back just enough to peer down at her face, his smile tinged with faint notes of sadness. “Thank you, Lisa.”

“My pleasure.”

The two of them turned and walked towards the stream, their hands still entwined as tight as fate itself.

#ajfksdl sorry I didn't mean for it to be this long #JuLisa #julius novachrono #julius novachrono x reader #oc: lisa #black clover

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temilyrights · 4 years

Text

in conclusion (jack sloane x reader)

Summary: In which jumping to conclusions is never a good idea. (Valentine's day fic)

Word Count: 4122

A/N: Eh I have really mixed feelings about this fic and I'm editing it with a headache which definitely is a stupid idea but I promised @jpncis09 It’d be upload when she woke up and it's already been over a month since valentine's...oops. (Be prepared for angst btw ahah)

Read on AO3

You weren’t bitter. Not even a little. It didn’t matter that everyone seemed to have a valentine apart from you.

It didn’t matter one bit.

And Valentine’s was a stupid day anyway.

But come on. The universe was being an asshole because even Gibbs had had a red rose and a card sitting on his desk when you’d arrived this morning. (It was just a gift from Abby, but still).

Your desk remained empty of anything pink, red or fluffy. It was just kind of embarrassing, especially considering Nick had this massive teddy currently sitting next to his desk. It was facing you and you could swear it was actually smirking.

“Y/N can you please stop glaring at Mr Lovin’.” Your eyes snap away from the teddy and to Nick who sits opposite you.

“Mr Lovin’...” your face scrunches up in disgust. You can hear Ellie sniggering from her desk, Nick sits up straighter.

“Amanda named him,” Nick says defensively, the tips of his ears tingeing pink. You roll your eyes “Just ‘cause you’re jealous Jack hasn’t gotten you anything.” The snide comment is said quietly but you still catch it. Your face goes bright red, the smirk disappearing from your face as you shuffle in your chair and duck your head.

So...that actually might have been the main reason you weren’t in the best mood. You and Jack weren’t together, so you didn’t have a reason to be upset. It was just the way Jack had spent the week going on about being excited for valentine’s day...it had made you a little hopeful.

You’d sent her a bouquet of flowers. You didn’t leave a card but you knew if she wanted to know who they were from it wouldn’t be hard to work out.

“Sorry.” Nick’s sheepish voice breaks you from your thoughts. He actually looks somewhat ashamed at his comment.

“Don’t be,” You laugh. “It’s true.”

“Gibbs isn’t here. Go see her!” You contemplate refusing but she always managed to lighten your mood, and you wanted to see her reaction to your flowers. A smile graces your features as you head up the stairs to her office.

Her office door is closed. You frown, her office door is never closed. Knocking lightly, Jack’s panicked voice quickly calls “Who is it?” from the other side.

“It’s Y/N. Are you ok?”

“I’m good, just in the middle of something.” You think you hear a laugh that's definitely not Jack’s and your frown deepens. The door opens slightly, Jack was wearing red lipstick (which was unusual in itself) but it was also a little messy. You gulp stepping back as dread fills your stomach. “Is this for a case?”

“Uh..” Your head is swarming. Jack raises her eyebrows prompting you to continue. “No. I was just coming to say hi.”

Jack smiles warmly. “Could you come back in a bit then?”

“Yeah, yeah of course.” You step back and Jack closes the door. Your eyes water against your best efforts and you try to clear the lump in your throat.

Closed office door.

A man’s laugh.

Messy lipstick.

You head back down to the bullpen in a trance. Stopping suddenly when you catch sight of Gibbs’ empty desk. NO. You think you’re going to be sick. Your eyes are burning and everything is too much. Jack and Gibbs? Jack and Gibbs. You’d actually thought there had been a slight hope...You’d sent her flowers and now she was making out with Gibbs in her office. A strangled laugh escapes your throat.

“Y/N?” A hand rests lightly on your arm causing you to jump. Your head spins round and a concerned Ellie is looking back at you. Ellie’s eyes widen and you realise you must look like a mess. “What’s happened?”

Your head is still swarming. You couldn’t respond, every emotion was rushing through your body. Shame, anger, embarrassment, disappointment, sadness, regret.

“Y/N?” Ellie’s voice is slightly panicked now. She looks at Tim and Nick who are watching from their desks.

“I told her to go see Jack.” Everyone turns back to stare at you with wide eyes. Jack had caused this?

“Ok. We’re moving.” Ellie grabs your arm, pulling you along as Nick and Tim quickly get up from their desk and follow. You don’t pay attention to where you are going. It’s not until you’re sat down in a chair you notice you’re in one of the conference rooms.

“Y/N what has happened?” You start laughing, one of those manic laughs that would quickly turn into sobs if you didn’t control it. The others all look at you like you’ve grown a second head.

“Can you believe I actually thought that she liked me?” You finally speak after your laughter has subsided. You shake your head, rolling your eyes at yourself.

“Jack does like you”

You shake your head. “She’s currently in her office making out with Gibbs so I-”

“WHAT?” Three voices shout in unison and you wince.

“There is no way! I mean the woman is pretty much in love with you!” Ellie and Tim nod along to Nick’s words.

Your laugh is a little more broken this time and you have to fight back the tears that threaten to drip from your eyes. “Did you see them?” Tim asks and you shake your head. “Then how do you know-”

“Jack’s office door was shut. A man’s laugh. Messy lipstick. No Gibbs.”

“Maybe they’re just having lunch together?”

“She asked me to come back later. I’ve walked in on them having lunch before - a couple of times she’s even invited me to join! Today she barely opened the door enough to poke her head through!” Tim and Nick shoot each other uneasy looks.

“This still doesn’t mean she was making out with Gibbs!” You roll your eyes at Ellie’s words and then take a deep breath in an attempt to calm your swirling emotions. It was time to return back to work.

“It’s fine. This is good really right? I know now and Jack and I wouldn’t have worked anyway, let’s be honest. It was just a nice fantasy.” A fantasy. Imagining Jack and you wrapped up together watching tv, imaging her in your bed, messy hair and dazed smiles. Imagining kissing her and always being able to put that wide smile on her face and bringing out the adorable laugh she had. A fantasy. You didn’t need any of that, you could go back to before.

Before what though? Before she became the one thing in your life that could always make you smile? Before she became your best friend? Before you guys started hanging out together just the two of you? Before lunch dates, Before evenings working in her office together for no reason other than you wanted too?

You’d zoned out completely, and quickly wipe away the tear rolling down your face when you notice the team's worried looks. You clear your throat. “Let’s get back to work.” You don’t wait for an answer, getting up and walking out of the room. You head back to the bullpen and to your desk. When Gibbs walks down the stairs less than 10 minutes later, a happy smirk on his face you snap your pencil.

You try to focus back on your work but your mind won’t stop wondering. Nick actually throws a rubber at you at one point because you’d been staring at Gibbs (who only rolled his eyes before getting up and leaving the room). Your eyes bore into his back as you watch him walk the familiar route to Jack’s office.

You spend the rest of the day avoiding her which gratefully isn’t hard as there is no case. The only time you even get close to running into her is when you head to the break room to get a snack and hear her laughing with someone. You freeze before turning the corner and quickly rush away before she can notice you, ignoring the rumble of your stomach.

Tim’s out of the door the second the clock strikes 5. Determined to give Delilah a good valentines day while the twins stay with his sister for the night. You’re just getting ready to pack up and head home when Jack enters. You duck your head, suppressing a groan.

However, Jack either doesn’t seem to notice or doesn’t care as she walks right over to your desk and perches on the side. “Hey.” You don’t look up at her, focusing on packing your bag and steadily avoiding her gaze.

“Hi” You offer. You see Nick shuffling uncomfortably in his chair and can tell he’s about to leg it. You glare at him and he sinks back into his chair, sighing.

Jack’s now watching you curiously. “I wanted to thank you for my flowers.” Your hand stills and tightens around your water bottle.

You continue packing, trying to sound casual. “I’m glad you like them.” Jack’s hand reaches out to grasp your wrist lightly. Your whole body freezes as you swallow loudly and just stare at her hand. Jack frowns from beside you.

“Are you ok?” She asks quietly, leaning in closer, her thumb rubbing soothing circles on your wrist. You have to bite your lip hard to stop yourself from whimpering. When you don’t respond, she grabs your chin turning it to face her. She looks so concerned as her eyes flutter over your face.

You see someone move out of the corner of your eye and are reminded of where you are. Your eyes find Ellie, who's sitting at her desk subtly watching the both of you, before landing on Gibbs. He looks back at you with an unreadable expression and you instantly feel sick.

You quickly step away from Jack’s gasp, slinging your bag on your back. “I’m fine. I’ve got to be going though.” You offer Jack a weak smile and ignore the stab of pain in your chest at her hurt expression.

“Wait!” Jack reaches out again to grab your arm as you go to walk past her. You instantly still, your eyes going to the hand holding your arm but she doesn’t let go. “I was thinking...Did you wanna get dinner tonight?”

“Dinner?” You choke...On Valentine’s day? Was she really trying to break your heart further?

“Or just drinks? I don’t mind. If you don’t want to go out we-”

“I can’t,” You cut her off. You don’t understand why she’s doing this. Shouldn’t she have plans with Gibbs? You bite the inside of your mouth hard. “I uh, have plans.”

“Plans?” Jack’s voice croaks, her hand finally flies from your arm, as if burnt.

“Yeah. I have a date.” Your face heats up at the lie and you duck your head. Tears ghost Jack’s eye as she releases a breath. You miss it though, too busy trying to calm your own swirling emotions. “...So, I should be going.”

“I just didn’t know you were seeing anyone…”

“It’s pretty new.” Your eyes go to Gibbs and you swallow roughly.

“Right...You just never mentioned anything...”

“Yeah well, I didn’t know I needed to tell you everything.” It comes out a lot more mean and bitter than you meant and Jack rears back in surprise. You want to apologise but then the image of her and Gibbs making out pops back into your head and you involuntarily tighten your fist. You clear your throat “Well. I don’t want to be late.” You say goodnight to everyone, avoiding Jack’s eyes as you make your way out of the bullpen and to the elevator.

Jack watches you go. “Right. Ok.” She whispers to herself, clearing her throat and blinking away tears. She quickly puts on a fake smile, pushing her emotions down as she focuses back on the people around her. Ellie and Nick are watching her, both with a mix of surprise and pity.

“Jack?” Her head spins towards Gibbs’ concerned voice. But before he can say anything Jack’s speaking again.

“Well, I’ll see you all tomorrow. Have a good evening.” Jack quickly turns and walks off to her office, the other three staring after her in shock.

You cry a lot that evening. It was like you were mourning something you never had. The two of you had gotten so close, and that bright smile she had always directed your way? God, you’d really thought…Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

When you get to work the next morning, Ellie tries to convince you to talk to Jack, but you ignore her and start work. When Gibbs arrives he glares at you. You sink into your chair and bury your head in your computer.

“Dead Marine.” Gibbs barks and everyone quickly grabs their bags. You’re just putting yours on your back when Gibbs turns to face you. “Not you Y/N.”

“What?” You ask in surprise. Tim, Nick and Ellie all watch Gibbs and you uneasily. He doesn’t say anything else, just turns and walks to the elevator, the other three trailing behind him. They shoot you pitying looks as you just stand still mouth blubbering like a fish.

Gibbs treats you like that the rest of the day. Barely speaks to you, only around enough to get the information you’ve collected on the case before he’s glaring at you again. It only pisses you off because how dare he. You didn’t understand what you’d done to piss him off, turned down Jack’s dinner invitation? Surely he’d appreciate that…

You’re standing in the observation room now, watching Ellie and Nick as they interrogate the latest suspect. The door opens, and you turn expecting Tim but are surprised to see Jack. She freezes the second she sees you, looking back to the door deciding if she should just leave. She doesn’t though. Sighing, she avoids your eyes and walks over to watch the interrogation, you hate the amount of space she leaves between you.

You both watch silently, you begin to twitch uncomfortably as the tension in the room builds. “How was your date?” You jolt in surprise, eyes swinging to hers. She’s already watching you a pained expression on her face, and you quickly look away.

“Yeah.” You clear your throat. “It was good..” Jack just nods her head, turning back to watch the interrogation.

“Did you do anything nice?” It’s Jack's turn to still now, chuckling hollowly.

“Nope.” There’s an odd tone to her voice and you want to ask more, why Gibbs hadn’t done anything for her? But then Tim enters and Jack’s quickly muttering something about profiles and then disappears from the room.

“What is your problem with me?”

Gibbs sighs, turning around to face you again. You’re both standing behind the stairs. He just directs his signature stare at you so you continue. “You’ve been glaring at me all day, begrudgingly letting me do my actual job!” You’re getting heated, your voice rising and despite how much ‘bad idea, stop!’ is running through your head you can’t seem to. “What is it because I didn’t spend the evening with Jack?” Gibbs’ jaw tightens and you rear back in surprise. “That doesn’t even make sense! You should be happy!”

You laugh incredulously as you stare at Gibbs in shock. “Happy?” Disbelief masks his face and you’re so confused.

“What do you think I don’t know? I mean you both did pretty well at hiding it, I’ll give you credit for that. But now I’ve worked it out it makes sense! I mean everyone always said you two had a ‘thing’ or something, so really I shouldn’t have been surprised right?” Your voice cracks, as frustrated tears make their way down your face, you completely miss when understanding finally crosses Gibbs’ face. You don’t even really see him anymore as you rant. “I was the idiot who fell for her! Y’know when I first realised my feelings, I tried so hard to make them go away because I knew it would only end badly. But all she has to do is enter a room and I'm weak in the knees and now I’ve gone and fucked up our whole friendship because I’m so fucking disappointed that she chose you!”

“Agent Y/N! That’s enough!” Vance’s voice booms from the stairs above you. You jump back suddenly reminded of where you are and look around to see half the office has stopped to watch your meltdown. Your cheeks flame red, and you hastily wipe away the tears rolling down your face. Gibbs has an unreadable expression on his face and the realisation of what you've just done hits you like a ton of bricks.

Your instincts kick in and you run. Barely pausing to grab your bag from your desk (and steadily avoiding the looks from everyone else in the room). The elevator doors are opening just as you’re rushing away and you’re about to thank your luck...when Jack exits. She gasps in shock when she sees you “Y/N?”. The concern in her voice makes it so much worse. You know you must look an absolute mess but you don’t stop, instead, you jump onto the elevator and whack the button to close the door.

When Jack turns away from the elevator to face the room everyone is watching her. “What?” Her arms come to cross her chest and people suddenly start back to work. Vance and Gibbs are now talking on the stairs and Jack can tell something bad just happened.

You were definitely going to get fired right? And even if you didn’t, you couldn’t return now. Your insides squirm and you frustratedly brush tears from your face. You were going to lose your job, your family...Jack. All because you’d lost control of your emotions and shouted at Gibbs! Gibbs, of all people, you really knew how to fuck everything up, didn’t you!

You just crawl into bed when you get home, hiding under your covers and from the world. You must cry yourself to sleep because when you wake up a few hours later the sun is setting. You get out of your rumbled clothes from the day and change into pyjamas before heading to your bathroom to remove the remnants of your makeup and splash cold water against your face.

You’re making yourself a cup of tea when the doorbell rings. You’re going to ignore it but seconds later it’s rung again and then someone is loudly knocking on your door. You sigh, putting down your mug and heading to the door.

You throw the door open, ready to tell whoever it was to politely fuck off but stop when you realise who it is.

“Jack...” You swallow roughly. She looks pissed and you feel your heart drop into your stomach. “Right...Well...Come on in.” You step back to allow her to enter.

“Now you’re worried about people hearing your conversations,” Jack snarks, as she walks past you and into your home. You don’t say anything. Just shut the door and turn around to face her.

She doesn’t say anything else just watches you as you fidget nervously. “I guess they told you…” You finally say, unable to deal with the silence. Jack rolls her eyes at that, because duh. “I uh...I’m sorry. It was super unprofessional, I don’t even really know what happened, one minute I was frustrated at Gibbs for ignoring me and the next I was screaming at him for…” You cut yourself off, clearing your throat.

“For?”

Your eyes narrow as you turn finally meet her eyes. “Really? What you want me to tell you so you can bask in the glory of how pathetic I am.”

“Y/N-”

“I’m sorry ok? I’m the one who was obviously seeing something that wasn’t there! God, I’m such an idiot.” You groan as frustrated tears make their way down your face again. You were so bloody sick of crying. “I’m not going to be able to return to NCIS ever so really you don’t have to worry about any of this, I’ll be gone and you can live happily ever after with Gibbs.”

“Your plan is to leave?” Jack’s eyes narrow and the annoyance is back in her tone.

“Well, what else am I meant to do Jack?” You snap. “I can’t return. The pitying stares would be constant and…” You swallow roughly, your voice quieting “and I can’t watch you two together Jack...It hurts.” Your voice trembles as your eyes ghost with tears. Your hand goes to your chest in an attempt to calm your thumping heart.

You’re taking deep breaths in an attempt to ward off the breakdown you can sense coming. You wanted to escape this conversation with whatever dignity you have left. Jack starts to slowly walk towards you, hand reaching out to touch you but you jump back before she can. “Don’t” You beg, your eyes pleading with her to understand.

She drops her hand, arms hugging around herself. “Gibbs and I aren’t together”

Your gaze snaps up to hers, voice snapping. “Don’t toy with me...Yesterday. In your office, your door was shut, his laugh and,” Your eyes fall to her lips as you think about the way her lipstick had been smudged. You avert your gaze, taking a shaky breath. “messy lipstick.”

Jack lets out a long sigh, her voice softening. “We had lunch. The door was shut because well, I was telling him about the evening I had planned for us. I panicked when you knocked because the dress I was planning on wearing and these chocolates I brought were sitting in plain view and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“Surprise?” You swallow roughly, unsure of exactly what she was saying.

“The date I had planned, I didn’t want you to catch on until the last second.” Jack’s avoiding your eyes now, and your jaw drops at her confession.

“When you asked me to dinner…” Understanding finally dawns on you.

“Yeah I didn’t take into account you’d probably have a date.”

“I didn’t. I uh, just needed an excuse, I couldn’t, not when I thought…” You swallow roughly.

Jack’s still standing in front of you, just out of reach and you take a step forward amazed by the way her breath catches. Her eyes flutter over your face and you’ve not sure what she’s looking for but she must find it as a small smile tugs at her lips.

Jack takes a step closer to you, linking your hands together. Your eyes water at the softness of her touch and when your eyes meet hers you see the same watery eyes reflected back at you. “I’m really sorry.” You blow out a breath “God, I really messed everything up.”

“I guess we know I shouldn’t try and surprise you again,” Jack smirks, her eyes lighting up as she takes another step towards you, you were centimetres apart now. You can tell she’s about to throw in another quip but you don’t let her, instead, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss against her lips.

You pull back to gauge her reaction and she’s smiling. Her hand snakes up to your neck and she pulls you back in, the kiss is hard this time and your arms automatically go around her waist to pull her closer to you. You both stumble backwards until your back hits a wall. You stoke the exposed skin on her waist and she releases a soft moan. You struggle to hold back the smirk that tugs at your lips knowing you can pull that sound out of her.

Jack slowly pulls away from your lips. You’re both breathing deeply and you can’t open your eyes scared this is all going to disappear.

“Y/N?” Jack soothes, wiping away a tear that rolls down your cheek. You shiver.

“What happens now?” It comes out so breathlessly, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Whatever we want.” Jack’s hand is still rubbing at your cheek and when you finally open your eyes again a smile fills her face. Jack’s eyes go to your lips and she leans over to kiss you again, it’s soft and sweet and almost feels like a promise.

Your foreheads rest against each other. You’re just about to lean back in and kiss her again when a realisation of an earlier comment comes back to your brain. “Wait, did you say you brought me chocolates?”

Jack breaks into laughter, rolling her eyes as she pulls you into a kiss, a wide smile still on her face. You don’t know what tomorrow will bring and you try not to think about it. Tonight was just about you and Jack.

#jack sloane x reader #ncis #jack sloane #jacqueline sloane #maria bello #fanfic #writing #reader insert #angst #valentine's day

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novantinuum · 4 years

Text

Tides of Renewal (SU one-shot)

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: T (Mild TW for vague allusions to past suicidal thoughts.)

Words: 2500~

Summary: Now twenty years old and living on the other side of the country, Steven spends his morning relaxing on the beach, musing about his past, and having a chat with his dad.

Hi folks! This is actually my two-months-late “Happy Birthday, Steven” fic, ahah- amusingly, posted two months late to the day. I’m quite happy with how this short turned out.

If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3 as well. AO3 link will be provided in the reblogs. Thank you! <3

____

Tides of Renewal

Steven rises alongside the sun, but not by choice.

As he abruptly stirs, jerking onto his side under his tangled blanket, he soon realizes that he has little lingering memory of the nightmare that shook him from his slumber. Nevertheless, his heart pounds so hard it feels like it’s hanging in his throat. There’s feelings, faint impressions— someone’s blood (his, or hers?), Connie’s screams, a bubble of terror boiling from within— but that’s all he’s left with. The young man clutches at his sheets, struggling to catch his breath as is the norm most mornings. Dim light sneaks in between the edges of the curtains, offering a rough estimate of the time.

Once it’s clear his chances of sleeping in have become null and void, he entices himself out of bed with the promise of buying himself a muffin at the local coffee shop later today, a birthday treat. His routine is sluggish, but precise. He uses the bathroom, throws on his swim trunks and a thin cotton shirt, downs the pills he forgot to take last night with a quick swig of water, carefully runs his fingers through his long curls to work out the tangles, and slips his feet into the flip flops he always leaves lying right at the foot of his bed.

The young adult only takes his guitar, phone, and keys with him as he walks the mile distance from his humble studio apartment to the public beach. Around him, the world is at peace. The only sound intermingling with the gentle ebb and flow of the Pacific at this hour of the morning is the chattering of puffins that nest on the large rock outcroppings in the tide pools nearby. The edge of his lip quirks up when he finally crosses that sacred boundary— the sidewalk meeting the shore— and removes his sandals, reveling in the satisfying, grainy texture of sand squishing between his toes. Hah... the beach. Funny, that. All his traveling these past years, from mountains, to prairies, to sprawling suburbs to wooded forest towns, and it only succeeded in deepening his childhood love for the familiarity of saltwater air and tourist-filled boardwalks. Still, the secluded, rustic charm of Haystack Cove is a far cry from the Beach City he grew up in. Different people, different sights, different types of seafood sold at the markets. This place feels like a home all his own, appropriately distant from the Gem influenced settlement he’d left behind.

He crosses the fine grained sands towards his favorite sitting spot, a hefty stone jutting out from the ground, its surface buffed to a glossy finish over the years by the high tides. The water’s still distant this early in the morning, glimmers of sunlight sparkling off of the foam and spray. Yawning, he plops himself down on the stone and lifts his guitar into his lap. He strums a few random chords as a warm-up before settling into an experimental melodic sequence.

As he plays, the early morning breeze teases at the ends of his shoulder-length hair, untied and let free in all its curly splendor. It’s still quite chilly, but with the sun peaking over the horizon behind him and not a cloud in sight, the air’s bound to heat up in no time. Steven inhales deeply, soaking in the salt and light and pushing away the shadows lurking at the periphery of his mind, that twitching, exhausting anxiety that never quite seems to leave him alone these days. Unfortunately, functional does not mean carefree. While far fewer in number then when he was a teen, he still runs into plenty of moments where he’s struck blind by particularly painful reminders of his past, his gem snapping into overdrive in an instant. He’s a bit better at coping in these moments now, and walking himself down from panic attacks, but deep-rooted traumas don’t simply melt away. With that in mind, at this point he suspects he’ll likely have to deal with a mixture of therapy and meds for the rest of his life. That’s fine, though. If that’s what it takes to be at peace. He’s thankfully reached a point in his recovery where he’s more than willing to work for it.

Startling him out of his roaming thoughts, his phone chimes to life, touting the same cheery ring tone he had as a kid. He gently sets his guitar down in the sand and fishes his cell phone out of his pocket, a silent bet as to who’s calling rising within his mind. Sure enough, his dad’s contact photo proudly greets him. Hah— he called it. Steven stifles a giggle as he hits accept and lifts the phone to his ear.

“Hey, Dad!”

“Hey, Schtu-ball!” his father chimes from the other side of the country, three hours ahead. He hears a faint shuffle over the line, and then the beginnings of guitar accompaniment as the man begins to sing:

“Happy birthday to you~!”

Dad ends the line with a resounding vibrato, and a few extra jazzy chords for good measure.

“Heh heh, thanks,” he says, bashfully blushing at the attention, and gazing across the loose sands as if ensuring the secret of his birth hasn’t swelled into a nauseatingly public affair like half of his birthdays had since the start of Era 3. “Gotta say, the impromptu guitar solo pushed that to a whole new level. You just get up?”

“Yep! Bright and early. Garnet said you’d probably be awake by now, so I figured I’d call and give ya’ a good greeting to start the day. Lemme guess, you’re down there at the beach already? I think I heard waves.”

Steven’s glance lifts to admire the slowly rising tides, and the promise of each tomorrow that lies beyond. “Hah, you know me,” he says softly, taking a deep lungful of that precious salt-touched air he’s always adored. “I live for the water. Might force myself to go for a swim later before all of you come. Not sure yet,” he says, shrugging as he turns and squints in the wake of the steadily rising sun. “But my therapist said I should probably keep as active as po—“

“It’s your birthday. You do whatever makes you happy, bud,” his dad promptly reminds him, slight concern sticking to his voice. And yes, it’s practically a father’s job to worry, but his chest tightens with lingering guilt for pressing that upon him anyways. Ugh, this is because he said ‘force myself,’ isn’t it?

“Doing my best to,” he lamely offers, hoping it’ll at least end that segment of conversation. He twirls a stray strand of hair around his finger as he scours his memory for something new to offer. Thankfully, his mind quickly lands on the exciting email he received last night. He grins, knowing for sure his dad’ll love this. “Oh, uh- topic change, but I got that last job I applied for, by the way.”

“Oh? The taffy shop one?”

“Yeah! I start on Tuesday.”

“Wow, that’s- that’s awesome! They responded fast, then.”

“Yup,” Steven nods, popping the ‘p.’ “Honestly, it’s nothing much, just stocking and working the register, but it’ll give me some cash to work with.”

Some cash to finally pay for his own food instead of continuously bumming money off his dad. There’s no way he can handle full month’s rent on his own with this minimum wage job, (who on Earth could in this economy), but it might be enough to cover the smaller things. Groceries, electricity, internet. That sorta stuff. Fidgeting on the edge of the stone outcropping, his bare toes dig narrow lines in the sand. He hasn’t really had this discussion with Dad yet, but the mere concept of being wholly reliant on other people steers his mind uncomfortably close to the I’m a Burden Zone. He’d far prefer to feel like he has a stake in the game.

“I know you said you don’t mind supporting me,” he continues in a hesitant tone, twirling his finger through one of his curls, “but I still feel kinda bad—“

“Don’t. I’d rather you not have to stress yourself to the bone about money like I did when I was your age.”

The line shakes for a second. He’s pretty sure he hears the faint clink of a bowl meeting the counter from his dad’s side.

“Dad...?”

“Sorry, bud. Just putting ya’ on speaker. Figured I’d make myself some instant oatmeal,” he says, his voice sounding a bit further away from the microphone. “Goodness, though. Twenty years. That still boggles the mind.”

He gives a soft laugh. “You’re telling me. Could’ve sworn I was twelve just yesterday. And to be honest, it’s... it’s kinda weird sometimes, you know?”

“What is?”

“Being another year older. ‘Cause... well, uh...”

Steven grits his teeth, searching for the most delicate manner in which he can discuss these emotions. The feelings of his past are a really hard topic to dwell on sometimes, even in therapy, and even though he and his dad have long since had scattered discussions about what a poor mental state he was in then, he doesn’t wanna upset him too much.

“There were definitely days I assumed I wouldn’t have a future, or didn’t want one to begin with,” he continues, throat thick. “Back during all the conflict, before Homeworld reformed. And even after that, when I was... you know. And things are better, now, they’re definitely a lot better. But the idea of a ‘future’... even if I’ve got a job, a home, a girlfriend... it’s still weird to think about, I guess.“

There’s a brief silence on the line as this vulnerable admission sinks in.

“Yeah,” Dad replies eventually, clear sorrow in his voice despite how careful he thought he was in phrasing these matters. “I hear ya’.”

With a quick nervous laugh, he scratches at the nape of his neck, fingertips brushing against the thin, wispy strands of hair growing back there. “Geeze, sorry for bringing the mood down so quick. Didn’t even know I had all that on my mind until it spilled right out.”

“No, no! No need for apologies, I’m always here to listen. And in any case, I’m glad you’re in a better place now.”

Steven nods his head to himself in full agreement (momentarily forgetting that his dad isn’t actually here in the flesh to see this response). Sixteen and seventeen really, really weren’t good years for him. And even though he’s put lot of work into himself since then, he can’t help but constantly fear the possibility of relapse. His therapist told him a few sessions ago when he expressed this worry that... relapses into old thinking patterns can be common for people living with C-PSTD, and that it’s important for him to be cognizant of any unusual changes in his patterns and routines so he can quickly intervene with his box of healthy coping tactics, but... geeze. The dark, traumatic destinations his wandering thoughts end up stagnating in when the concept of relapse brushes his mind aren’t fun to acknowledge. It makes him yearn with deafening hunger for a simple switch he could flip, some magic cure-all for his brain that would stop him from having to deal with any of this awful shit in the first place— but of course, cruel universe this can be at times, those don’t exist.

“Speaking of that,” Dad speaks up again after clearing his throat, “how are those new meds treating you? You said last call your doctor was gonna change them, yes?”

“Nah, not change. There’s no need to change types,” he shrugs. “It’s just a dosage shift. And it’s fine, I think. I’ve been on ‘em for a few days, and there’s no problems so far. Brain's been treating me a little better.”

Nightmares aren’t quite as bad.

His energy isn’t totally zapped by noon.

The whirling, panicked trajectory of his thought patterns is a little easier to wrest control of.

All in all, nothing’s perfect, but he certainly feels a good deal more stable than before. Now, if only he can remember to consistently take his meds before he goes to bed like he’s supposed to instead of totally forgetting like he did last night and having to scarf it down when he sees that forsaken capsule in his pill box the next morning. Tsk, tsk.

“That’s real good to hear,” his dad responds to his news.

He flexes his knuckles against his lap, gaze reflexively drifting back towards the welcomed distraction of the tides. “Yeah.”

“Anyways, I, uh...”

“So, party logistics,” he cuts in with an overly cheery tone, changing the topic from his boring mental health crap entirely. “We should probably hash this out now. I know Connie’s planning on dropping around about noon. What’s your guys’ plan? She can probably send Lion to you after she gets here, if you want.”

“Yeah, that’d be best. Pearl said there weren’t any convenient warps nearby. Well, there’s one- but apparently it empties out into an active lava tube. And that’s not exactly Dad-friendly.”

“Aww, you mean you’re not filled with the intense desire to dip your hand into molten lava and shlorp it up like it’s soup?” Steven retorts, only barely holding back his laughter as he thinks of this absurd text thread he had going with Connie a few weeks back, wherein she sent him a video of some volcanic flows and told him, verbatim, that 'despite all logic and reason sometimes I can’t help but look at super viscous lava and think... forbidden s o u p, mmmm.’

“Not particularly, no,” his dad says, sounding thoroughly confused. “I’m- why are you laughing? Is this some sort of weird internet thing I’m not familiar with again?”

He wipes tears from his eyes as he tries to catch his breath. “You, ah- you kinda had to be there, sorry. Anyways, yeah. I’ll have Connie send Lion. I’ll text you right before, how’s that?”

“Sounds great! Can’t wait to see ya’, bud. I’m gonna let you go, now, okay? I can talk your ears off later. Go enjoy your morning. Love you.”

“Love you too, Dad,” he says, grinning. “Bye.”

“Buh-bye.”

Once his dad hangs up he sets his phone beside him on the rock and takes a deep, steady breath, trying to capture the full nuance of each diverse scent in the air. He may just be imagining it, but he swears he’s able to pick out the faint scent of taffy intermingling with the ocean saltiness and the hint of cedar from the nearby state forest. In the end though, whether it’s real or not it’s a welcomed reminder of all the possibility the future holds for him.

He’s twenty now. It’s a brand new decade of life. He’s got a new job lined up, a stable and loving relationship, a supportive family, and plenty of courage in facing the shadows of his past. Sure, so maybe he’ll never know with certainty what will happen— maybe he’ll relapse a little, maybe he’ll still have some bad days sprinkled amongst the good ones— but as he watches the tides flow in to greet him, he smiles... and resolves to just take this year as a renewal of his vow to care for himself as best he can.

#su #su future #steven universe #greg universe #su fanfiction #my writing stuff

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revengeisalwaysanoption · 4 years

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FICS: PROPOSTE INDECENTI + AMO GIA’ IL FINALE

I posted these on AO3 back in January. And I really wanted to have something brand new for today, but I am trying as hard as I can to have the fairy tale AU finished by tomorrow, so... Hope you’ll like them! They are BOTH IN ENGLISH ;) !!

PROPOSTE INDECENTI Seconds

10 - 9

The longest ten seconds of his whole fucking life. Maybe Niccolò really is considering turning it down, given the time and setting.

3 a.m. McDonald's. Sitting on plastic chairs. Lazily eating cold fries and a hamburger that tastes like cardboard with one hand, stroking each other's thumbs with the other. Feeling like the last men on Earth, in a deserted place that would normally be buzzing with life in the daytime.

He should have sticked to his plan, given him his scripted speech this Sunday at the Bioparco. But he didn't, and now...

8-7

… now he's screwed, isn't he? He fucked it up, and Niccolò is going to carry on and pretend this has been nothing but a bad dream.

He couldn't help it, though. Not when Niccolò was glowing with pride and elation as he showed Martino his first - published, finally!! - illustrated book.

The one Nico had lovingly renamed 'our baby' - and damn if Marti's heart didn't skip a beat at that - even though all he didn't do much but offer his moral support.

How was he supposed to resist?

6-5

He looked more beautiful than ever, in an old tracksuit and with a ridiculous headband holding his wild curls at bay. Buzzing with enthusiasm, while he told Marti about how Naima the giraffe who had her head too high in the clouds learnt from Mabel the red panda that she shouldn't fear what's in her heart. That her feelings are never too much, like so many others have been telling her.

Niccolò had always been very secretive about the plot, saying 'It's a surprise' with a mischievous glint in his eyes whenever Martino asked for more details… and right in that very moment he could see why.

"Children emotions tends to be heightened, and therefore often dismissed. I hope this can tell them that they matter, you know? That they're gonna find someone willing to listen, someday. Just like I found you."

It was their story. Edited, tweaked but still the same at its core. Shared to offer some hope to whoever might need it.

How could he not stop Niccolò right there and fumble for the box in his bag?

4-3

Flinging it into his hands and dropping on one knee felt too predictable and cheap, however.

"I… I think I'm gonna get a milkshake. Would you like me to get you anything? An ice-cream cone? A Flurry?" Then, raising a voice a couple of octaves to make it sound childlike he adds "A Happy Meal?"

"Ahah. You're so funny, have you ever considered a career as a stand-up comedian? Get me a Happy Meal, you ass." And he would have sucked on that raised middle finger, without any shame, had it been a night like any other.

But it wasn't.

Niccolò kept on gloating, until he opened the Happy Meal. His face fell, indeed, when he found the giraffe and red panda wooden figurines connected through a red silk thread and carrying a ring.

Ebony black, like his hair. Adorned with amber and aventurine, which both reminded Martino of his eyes.

Eyes which were now boring into him with a mixture of confusion and… disappointment?

Not exactly the reaction he had been wishing for. The silence between them felt a bit uncomfortable, for the first time in maybe ever, but Martino forced himself to speak.

"I know that I told you, so many times and in so many ways, that nobody knows a fucking thing about what's gonna happen tomorrow but... I am certain about ONE thing and ONE thing only: that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, as your HUSBAND. Don't you wanna spend the rest of your life with me?"

"That's two things, Marti. Maybe even three. I believe so… but let me just have ten seconds to think it through, okay?"

"Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. " He finally says. Each yes said before a kiss, his smile getting brighter and brighter as they both start crying. Tears they brush away with gentle fingertips, with soft lips.

"A thousand times yes, Marti." Niccolò reiterates, resting his forehead against his fiancé's. Not an old fashioned to say 'boyfriend' when you significant one is not exactly a boy anymore, but the real deal now.

Fiancé. Betrothed. Soon to be husband. He can't wait to refer to Martino using those term with friends, colleagues, guests, relatives. With all those random people he ends up talking to while queuing up at the post office - on the bus, on the train, on the subway. The whole world needs to know, and he is certain that Marti feels like the same.

"Once is more than enough."

-----------

Minutes

It still doesn’t feel real, even though he has had some minutes to let it sink in. Despite the weight of the ring dangling from his necklace - "how very Frodo of you…" "Are you calling your future husband a fucking hobbit, Mr Rametta?" - and his proposal still echoing in his ears, he fears he might wake up any minute now. Alone.

He has to take refuge in Marti’s arms, grounding himself in his warm and tight embrace. Nothing can touch him, when he’s there. Nothing can reach him, apart from Martino’s smell and the palpable solidity of his body.

"I can take it back, if you’d like." Marti mumbles, against his helix piercing.

"Don’t you dare!" Niccolò protests, first jabbing his ribs with his forefinger and then flicking his nose.

"I mean… you don't sound positively thrilled about it…" He points out, puzzled to hear Niccolò chuckle.

"Well, we're talking about spending the rest of my life with the most boring gay I've ever met…" Nico sighs dramatically, but then he gets dreadfully serious. He is so overjoyed, so full of love he could burst, and Martino better not end up thinking otherwise. "I couldn't be happier… You know that, right? I simply wanted to be the one to propose."

"Well, maybe you still can. Fifteen or twenty years from now, when we'll feel like renewing our vows or some shit…" Martino suggests, standing up and cleaning their table. They must go now, if they want to have some time left to spare to celebrate home before heading out again to work.

"Sounds lovely. You have such a way with words, Marti." Niccolò shoves him playfully, but files that piece of information into a secured corner of his brain. Might come in handy, in the future. "And how do you know about renewals, anyway? Don't tell me you've been bingewatching 'Say Yes To The Dress' on RealTime!"

"Whaaat? Me? Nope. Never. Must have heard something from Filo. Or was it Edo?"

*************

AMO GIA’ IL FINALE

Hours

Hours have gone by. It took them twice longer than usual to reach their flat, unable to walk more than a few steps without stopping for a quick peck. Or a full on make out session against a couple of closed, sturdy, doors.

Clothes were discarded on the floor as soon as they stepped inside, and they had made love until dawn. Exhausted, by then, they had fallen asleep.

Fear has had time to come knocking, and with it the painful reminder that people always leave. Or get sick of each other, and stay together only to keep up appearances.

No. That's not gonna happen. Not to them. Not when they are perfectly aware that gonna have to make a promise to each other not only on that day… but every second, every minute, every hour they spend together. Or apart.

Not necessarily with words. Which little gestures, too. Cherish their love. Never take it for granted.

"I promise you that we can make it. From now, to infinity." Martino says, softly, as he lays a kiss on Niccolò chest. Right where his heart is, just like Nico did so many years before under those red lights.

"To infinity and beyond."

"Don't start quoting Toy Story when I'm trying to be deep, Ni."

"It doesn't suit you. Now, up up up. Put something on and come with me... I don't want to miss watching the sunrise and cuddling with my betrothed on my cozy balcony."

"You are unbelievable."

"And you love that."

"I sure do, don't I?"

Imagination

This is absolutely not what Niccolò or Martino had in mind.

The unnecessary opulence, the stifling atmosphere in spite of the marvelous outdoor venue.

"It's not like you had a clear picture of what you wanted, anyway." Anyone would argue, and they would be right.

It had been easy enough to picture it back in Milan, where having a wedding in their birthday suits had sounded like the coolest idea he had ever had… But now Nico can't really see how that would go down, can't imagine it wouldn't be a complete catastrophe.

Like any other scenario they came up with. Some are too over the top, and would make Martino feel uncomfortable. Some are too dull, and would be an ill match to Niccolò's eccentricity.

Someone had to take the matter into their hands, and it wasn't like Silvia had done a bad job with the very little input she had from the grooms.

Maybe they could settle for this?

***************

Instinct

Or maybe not.

Martino refused to make this day, their day, about anyone else but themselves.

His in-laws were probably going to hate him for this, as firm believers of a time and a place for spontaneity, and their own friends were surely going to hold it against them for the next fifty years or so… but who cared?

Not him. Not when he was witnessing the first real smile of the week from Niccolò, merely by showing up on his old bike.

"Get on." It took him some fumbling, since a tight fitting tuxedo wasn't really the best attire for riding a bike, but eventually he managed to sit comfortably behind Martino.

"Where are we going?" He asked, presuming to be filled in about Marti's plan for the next few hours.

"Wherever the fuck we want." Martino said, instead, refusing to tell Niccolò anything concerning their destination. Or what they would do, once they reached it.

It didn't take too long to get to a church that Niccolò knew all too well. He had often joked about getting married in its crypt, surrounded by skulls and chandeliers made of human bones. Too bad it was hardly ever opened to the public, and totally unavailable for any kind of celebration.

"And how exactly are you planning to get in?" He inquired, walking over to the locked door.

"I might have asked Filippo to make me a copy of the key, when he got one for his photography project. Off the record." Because he knew Niccolò would love to stroll through the building undisturbed. Taking in its macabre allure, appreciating the fleeting nature of his own existence.

"Uh… Martino Rametta breaking the law by owning something he's not supposed to? A man after my own heart, I must say."

"I thought I already had it. Your heart, I mean." He commented, offhandedly, as he cursed and kicked against the rusty old door. "Oh, come on! Jesus! You were working just fine last time!"

"And this wonderful hint of blasphemy, right in front of a church. Wow." Niccolò reached out for him, then, pinning his open palm onto his own chest. "You're not mistaken, by the way. This has been yours for years."

"Same here." Marti turned to take his hand, and l let him feel how fast his heart was beating.

And then, as Marti was leaning in for a kiss, Nico moved back and brazenly snatched the keys.

"You know I've got the magic touch. Don't know whether it's in the fingers on in the wrists…"

"You better leave those innuendo at the door, Ni."

"Or what? You'll punish me, Father? You'll drag me into one of the confessionals and…"

… and he might had been tempted to do that, to drop on his knees and worship this man… Before he was basically challenged to reign in his wildest fantasies. Oh, he knew Niccolò wouldn't even try to play fair but still… He was so going to win this.

******

Memory

"... and then?" The kids asked, trying to get Mr. David's attention.

"Mh?" He had been distracted by an old lady coming to congratulate him on finally tying the knot a couple of weeks before. Shoelaces were a challenge for anyone, indeed, so it made sense he got praised for achieving that goal… Even though it took him so many years.

And that hadn't been the only interruption. For same weird reason their parents kept butting in to tell them shouldn't bother Mr. Fares. Or his 'partner'. They don't say 'husband', for some reason. Despite it being the word David uses for Michelangelo.

Grown up are so, so dumb.

"You ran away from your own wedding, got to a spooky church… and then? What happened?"

"Did you find a body and have to solve a murder?"

"I'm afraid not. We walked inside, and I read him my vows. He gave me his. I can show them to you, if you'd like? I always carry them in my pocket." Most didn't quite understand what was so great about two stick figures on a badly drawn giraffe, but the words written on the side sounded nice. Especially the closing line.

Per quanta strada abbiam fatto, e per quanta ancora ce n'è da fare… Amo già il finale.

"Booooring! I bet you went back to the ranch for the actual ceremony, after that?"

"Wrong. Remember that I started telling you all about this day because Meni asked what was the biggest prank I've ever pulled on my friends and family… That's it: making them all believe they would see US getting married and then have two other people saying 'I do' that afternoon. And this day I'm still quite proud I could pull that off. And so is my husband. I mean, our old folks were THIS close to believe we had been kidnapped."

Impressive. Kind of. Perhaps grown up can be cool, once in a blue moon?

"Ni? Nico? Earth to Niccolò Fares?" Not fair! He was a grown up! Why was he getting sweets before dinner?

"Yeah yeah, I can hear you loud and clear Marti." He gulped down his candies in a heartbeat. And then gave him a quick kiss, saying "Thanks, love."

Huh? Nico? Marti? Then why their moms - and a couple of their dads - referred to him as Michelangelo's David?

Grown ups are so, so weird.

#skam italia #final countdown weeks #week 2 #day four: share the love

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