#anyway hello to anyone who's around!!

[prosciuttulipa]

"Prosciutto," It carries itself over into the kitchen, where a blond man works at the counter, knife stalling. "I'm home."

He knows he has every right to be mad. The culprit comes into view, surprisingly quiet and composed. From what Prosciutto remembers of her, she would've made a ruckus, tripping over ten things and herself before making it to him. But it has been two years. A lot can happen in two years.

She looks friendly but tired, and her smile has dulled, like she's been through something difficult, and is still crawling her way out. "I'm sorry I've been away," and the words are tender and wonderful (he'd almost forgotten her voice). "How have you been? Taking care of yourself?"

"Obviously."

Silence fills up the space as they take a moment to orient themselves. They've been apart, but that doesn't mean they've been unaware. He has felt her change, knows how parts of him no longer fit against her as well as they did. She knows he's felt the push and pull between them, how she occasionally crawls into his arms at night and disappears in the morning, a dream to the both of them.

And yet. She laughs slightly, and the cadence is the same. Right on cue, he finds himself smiling at the sound.

Times have changed the two of them, but enough of them has stayed. He chops up the rest of his ingredients, throws it in the frying pan. "How about staying for dinner?"

The pan sizzles, oil popping like fireworks. "I'd love that."

[wiseatom]

anyway you can literally pry mike and will sw*ftie agenda from my cold, lifeless hands

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[dawntheduckrb]

I'll stop posting wips eventually but it's been five days since I've said anything and I don't want anyone to think I'm dead/dying/stuck in a ditch and withering away, so here's 10% of the reason I disappeared (the duck is stuck in rendering hell) (and my little baby laptop is screaming at me every time I open up this file)

I might still be mostly lurking for a little bit so please be patient with me in the meantime 🙏🙏

[the--highlanders]

do you guys KNOW how frustrated this thing makes me. like it's literally from the regiment that jamie would most likely have been in AND the story lines up so well with the plot of the highlanders and I'm just. constantly itching to retcon the episode a little bit in my head and make this the standard

but no!! the serial kind of depends on the standard being prince charles' rather than nust a regimental standard!!!! and it kills me every single day

[seahdalune]

shoddily compiled tf2 robot merc heads, via gmod because i am not waiting 15 years for sfm to crash on me

(if anyone is more dedicated than i am willing to be for proper robot refs, pleaaase feel free to remake these thru SFM.... and tag me....... i need thems head angles....)

(PS: here is a post that has full body refs of the robots, not made by me and all tidily in sfm)

[ezraphobicsoup]

magical john drag king is exactly what alan moore meant about the ideaspace this absolutely existed in our collective consciousness as a human species

[entropy-sea-system]

I think g3 movie 2 made Toralei my fave maybe because it shows her mental health issues a bit and also g3 show started showing how her behaviour was linked to issues as well and I relate to that a lot as someone w personality disorders

[chaotic-queer-disaster]

thinking abt my "culture" as a concept is super... strange. as a white north american. and i dont know how to articulate this beyond "its so big it's nothing" and im aware it's so so so incredibly privileged to have a big disconnect from "my culture" because it's everywhere as opposed to because people tried to stamp it out! I know. i'm just thinking out loud about how it is strange.

[on "no reblogs" just bc i dont know if im articulating this exactly as what i mean and im mostly thinking out loud in the tags]

[skinks]

I’m about to get such a bad grade in therapy today

[findstenicht]

15 questions for 5 mutuals

Rule: You have to answer truthfully and you have to tag 5 mutuals in your post.

I was tagged by @apoloniaspiegelgold, thank you!! <3

1. Are you named after anyone?

nope! although my dad used to claim that i was named after some slavic actress/model/wife-of-Some-Guy whose name i always forget

2. When was the last time you cried? Why?

the weekend before the last, just your average sunday afternoon mental breakdown

3. Do you believe in Soulmates? 

sort of, but also not really? i do believe that there are certain people who are supposed to be in your life at certain times but that doesnt necessarily mean "forever"

4. Do you drink liquor? 

rarely - im not opposed to it, i just dont often do things where there's alcohol involved

5. What do you usually daydream about?

listen. i have a very specific daydream universe that i always come back to but. you know how you sometimes read a story and can pretty much guess what's wrong with the author? describing my daydreams would be like that except you wouldnt have to guess at all, it'd be the most on-the-nose thing you've ever seen. might as well just post a list of everything that ever went wrong in my life and it'd be less embarrassing

6. First thing you notice about other people?

their voice!! (i mean obviously lots of times you see people before you hear them, but i dont really notice anything more specific than a general impression about appearances at first glance, yk?)

7. What's your favorite quote from a TV show/movie/book?

does a poem count? cause the only thing i can think of is "Es gibt keine Schuld. Es gibt nur den Ablauf der Zeit." from tucholsky's poem aus, which i havent stopped thinking about since i read it nine years ago (and for which i still havent found an english translation, sorry!)

8. Some of your pet peeves?

absolutely hate when people overexplain stuff to me that i know, that you could reasonably assume i know, and that i've told you i know. i know a lot of times people mean well (which is why i wont get actively mad at anyone), but if i already told you i know about something, you really dont have to explain it to me like it's brand new information. (looking at all the guys who heard about my field of study and then went on to describe the most basic sociological concepts to me)

9. Where’s the next place on your travel bucket list and why?

ireland!! i have no specific plans but i've wanted to go to ireland ever since i was a kid and saw the photos my parents took on their trip to ireland in the 90s

10. Where were you born? 

in a small town in northern germany :)

11. What are your hobbies?

nothing exciting tbh - video games, talking to friends, going for walks, and writing (<- i say, barely having written anything in months)

12. What's the best joke you've ever heard?

bold of you to assume i can remember jokes

13. What’s your love language? 

words of affirmation all the way - if i love you in any way, you will hear about it. thats both a threat and a promise.

14. Topics you never get tired of to talk about.

dragon age, what i'd vaguely describe as online media literacy, and social movements (especially far right movements, which i know sounds weird, but for some reason the FR became my main academic interest)

15. What would be the title if your life were a movie? 

not sure if it'd actually fit, but a couple years ago i scribbled down the phrase "the grand stupidity of the general state of things" and ive just been waiting to use that as a title for anything ever since; so yeah sure, why not, title for a movie about my life!

also im gonna cheat here and only tag @78669 (only if you want to ofc!!) bc i love my mutuals but never talk to them and i dont want to annoy them :( (obviously everyone feel free to just consider themselves tagged, if you want to do this!)

[olliecoded]

like i know i'm not a person who really needs to be taken seriously but it kinda feels like they don't even try????

[dispotatorulzz]

Horny posting on main I guess 💥

Whatever it's late I can't sleep I want someone to open me up and feel around inside me I need someone to tie me down and perform a very much non productive surgery on me . Get in there I don't want any numbing or anesthesia I want to feel it . Can anyone hear me . I want someone to take me apart medically sexual style I need it for real I know I'd have to be strapped down because the pain would be overwhelming and my body would try to move on instinct but idc keep me there . I need the other to also be getting off to it I need both of us to be being really weird about it Can anyone hear me hello

Id say someone should put me down but I think I'd also be into that so .Yeahh stick me with the needle that kills me who gives a fuck anymore. Whatever .

[23victoria]

“can you watch my boyfriend for a sec?” ❁

f1 grid x fem!reader

summary: TikTok trend with the grid!!

authors note: saw the carlos one and knew i had to write about it!! his reaction made me laugh!! i also just saw mclaren do it to oscar!! i hope the other teams do it to their drivers as well!! also first time writing for seb, jenson, and daniel, i had the time so i said why not?!any feedback is appreciated and please like, comment, and reblog!! hope you enjoy!!

f1 masterlist

Lewis

You: "Hey guys, can you watch my boyfriend for a sec? I need to grab something from the car."

You head out, leaving Lewis alone in front of your phone's camera. He looks around, slightly bewildered.

"What? Y/N who’s on the phone? Uh, hey there. I guess I'm being watched. So... how's everyone doing? Good? Cool. Uh, any Mercedes fans here?" He starts talking about his day and how Roscoe is doing, trying to entertain the 'audience'. "Alright, she'll be back any minute now... right?"

Max

You: "Hey guys, can you watch my boyfriend for a sec? I need to take out the trash."

Max raises an eyebrow as you walk away. He looks at the phone, unsure of what to say.

"Huh? Um, okay. This is weird. Hi, everyone….I guess…..Y/N what is this?! Who’s on the phone? So…what do we do now? Should I... talk about racing? Or... maybe I could just sit here…?" He awkwardly shuffles in his seat, checking his watch. "How long does it take to throw out the trash? Y/N come back! I don’t know what to say or do!"

Lando

You: "Hey guys, can you watch my boyfriend for a sec? I need to get a drink from the kitchen."

Lando grins as you walk away, immediately knowing the TikTok trend. He leans in closer to the camera.

"Hey, TikTok! I was wondering when Y/N was going to do this trend on me! What have you guys been up to? Should I prank her back? Give me some ideas in the comments!" He starts to look around, trying to find something to do. "Should I play some games on my computer or maybe I'll hide and jump out when she gets back?"

Oscar

You: "Hey guys, can you watch my boyfriend for a sec? I need to get my food."

Oscar blinks, looking at the phone and then at the door you just walked towards. He frowns slightly.

"Huh? What….okay? Uh, hi? I guess you guys are going to watch me eat my breakfast…Not sure what I'm supposed to do here. Should I be saying something interesting?" He scratches his head, and moves his food around, clearly uncomfortable. "So, did you guys have breakfast yet? I hope you did, breakfast is important….uhhh yea. Y/N!! Babe!! Come back!! I don’t know what to do!!"

Charles

You: "Hey guys, can you watch my boyfriend for a sec? I need to take a call."

Charles watches you leave, then looks at the phone, confused but trying to be polite.

"Uh? Wait what? Hello, everyone. I guess your...on watch duty?" He laughs nervously. "This feels strange. Maybe I should sing a song? Or talk about Ferrari? Oh, I know, I'll play some music on my piano!" He moves towards the piano, but then hesitates. "Wait, how long is this call going to be? Y/N! Baby!!"

Carlos

You: "Hey guys, can you watch my boyfriend for a sec? I need to make a smoothie."

Carlos looks at the camera, then at the direction you went, raising an eyebrow.

“What is this? Hello? Anyone there? Who were you talking to? Y/N?! Uhhhh hi… Wait, a smoothie? Bebe make me one too please! Okay, hi everyone. This is Carlos, just here... being watched?" He starts looking around, picking up random items on the table. "So, let me show you my favorite things on this table. This is a cool pen, and this is... a coaster. Fascinating, right?" He chuckles, shaking his head. "This is so weird. How long does making a smoothie take anyway?"

Sebastian

You: "Hey guys, can you watch my boyfriend for a sec? I need to water the plants."

Sebastian gives you a puzzled look as you leave and then turns to the camera, smiling politely.

"What?! Y/N what is this? Hello? Hello? Anywhere there? I’m confused… Y/N!! Who were you talking too? Honey? … Um, hello everyone… I guess I'm under surveillance now." He chuckles. "So, while she's watering the plants, let's talk about... sustainability! Did you know you can make your own compost at home? It's really simple and great for your garden." He starts explaining the process, gesturing enthusiastically. "I hope she comes back soon because I might run out of eco-friendly tips! Oh wait!! I know! Let me show you my bees!!"

Jenson

You: "Hey guys, can you watch my boyfriend for a sec? I need to grab the mail."

Jenson watches you leave with a bemused smile, then looks at the phone.

"Ummm what?! Babe? Y/N? Hello? Uhhh..hey there. So, I guess I need to be watched for a minute. You guys are in babysitting duty? Let’s see... what can I do to entertain you?" He glances around and spots his dogs. "Hey, meet my dogs! Come here babies!." He tries to get their attention but Bentley and Rouge ignore him, while Storm walks up to him, just to sit and stare at him. "Well, that didn’t go as planned. I guess they’re tired from playing this morning. Oh well, maybe next time! Isn’t that right Storm." he says putting down the camera.

Daniel

You: "Hey guys, can you watch my boyfriend for a sec? I need to fix something in the bathroom."

Daniel immediately grins and laughs as you walk away, sensing a prank.

“Huh? Babe? What? Oh wait! It’s that TikTok trend!! Alright, what’s up TikTok, what's going on? He starts making funny faces at the camera and then leans in closer. "I have no idea what to talk about. This is so stupid and awkward.” He says bursting out laughing. He keeps glancing towards the bathroom, barely containing his laughter. "Babe come back!!"

© 23victoria 2024 I all rights reserved. do not republish, steal repost, modify, translate, or claim my work as your own.

[dishsaop]

i like Raphael bg3 but unfortunately i dont think its for the same reasons anyone else does. he swoops in so fucking confident like "hello my baby mice (/derogatory) you wish you could kill me. you fucking wish. anyway sell me your soul or die in an unsexy tentacle explosion."

and then he sort of follows you around for like 3 acts. all quiet. spying on u. hoping youll call him. waiting by the phone. and then when you finally do run into him hes like "haha so, you miserable worms (/derogatory), have you considered i can save you and i have this really cool donkey kong hammer you want? sell me this insanely OP crown and ill give it to you. please. haha it isnt like i need you or anything, baka."

and then you break into raphaels house. hes cucked bc his girl Hope wont get with him, and she looks at you for 2 seconds and decides youre it instead. you run into his sidepiece, who is literally just a horny mirror of himself, and you can either kill or fuck the horny mirror of himself. the pathetic horny mirror of himself will absolutely tell you raphael is shit at sex. you lie to raphaels librarian, kill all his guys, rob his house, break out his girl, steal his head henchman to your side, and then fucking kill him. youre like, four sadboy adventurers with worms in your brains and you were level one like two weeks ago, and you straight up obliterate raphael and leave his house to his angry girlfriend in the will. you steal his fucking diaries. and you dont even die in an unsexy tentacle explosion.

raphael is trying so hard to be cool and hes absolutely not. he sings his little song and stalks around the shadows, but hes so uncool i think im a little obsessed actually.

[tojisun]

currently obsessed with biker!simon!!!! how do you think he and reader met? i think, whatever the situation was, he was the one that couldn't get his eyes off her and started to bluntly stare??? maybe soap was with him and laughed bc he had never saw him get this serious about any girl he had laid his eyes on 😫😫😫😫

BAE I WENT FERAL WHEN I READ THIS BECAUSE YEAH!!! YEAH

ok so this is gonna be ridiculous but bear with me because im actually so obsessed with biker!simon im unwell

simon prefers using his bike whenever he’s out with his friends. there’s no use taking his car, anyway. not with kyle hitching a ride with john, and johnny taking his own car on the few occasions that he does bring someone home with him.

simon’s never had to take those things into account because he preferred a quiet end to his nights, anyway. just a shot of bourbon and a short dinner with his friends, and then he’s back on the road and on his way home.

so he’s never had regrets with taking his bike. until today, of course.

he’s noticed you since you walked into the bar with your friends, your arm hooked around one of them and your head tilted to hear them better. the others who are not engaged in a discussion with you whipped their heads around to find an empty booth and simon almost crushed his glass at the way his heart leapt when he realized that the closest empty booth in the place was the one directly beside his group’s. 

simon watched as your group moved closer, the chatter finally piercing his ears and, unconsciously, his body turned to hear you better. from in front of him, johnny’s pinched lips finally wobbled as he wheezed out a laugh, breaking simon’s focus.

“what?” simon barked out, feeling warmth creep up from his neck to his ears, half of his mind focused on the group settling behind him. 

“holy shit,” johnny said mid-laughter. “you don’t know anythin’ about subtlety.”

simon grumbled then, in denial, but now he just fully stopped caring.

somehow, as the night progressed, simon gravitated towards the seat facing yours, a spot where he had a clear vantage view of you. he’s taken advantage of the change in seating, devouring the sight you make as you giggled with your friends. devouring the change in atmosphere, now that you’ve begun to return his heated looks.

it started with curious looks, born from your friend whispering to you how simon was staring; how, throughout the night, he did not entertain all those who went up beside him and focused only on you. then your gaze shifted into something scalding. something that sent liquid fire warming simon from the pit of his stomach to the back of his spine.

mactavish sighs beside him. “just buy the lass a drink already.”

simon peels his eyes away from you to look at johnny, mulling over the suggestion before grunting out a thanks. he stands up and walks to the bar, calling out to get the bartender’s attention.

remembering the bellini that you’ve been nursing since you got here, simon asks for another flute of the cocktail and requests that it be served to you. he turns when he says this, hoping to give the bartender a clear view of who the bellini is for only to blink in surprise when he sees you standing just a few feet away from him.

“sir?” the man behind the counter asks.

“sorry. just serve it here,” simon replies, his eyes still on you. there is shuffling behind him, the bartender probably leaving to whip up his order, but simon honestly doesn’t care anymore.

not when you finally shuffle close, a shy smile dancing on your lips.

“hello,” you greet, voice a hesitant whisper, and simon feels like he’s been gutted.

you’re so goddamn beautiful, it’s catastrophic. 

simon thinks of how short you are, something he’s first noticed the moment you walked into the bar. it’s not like he’s surprised by the realization given that he tends to tower over anyone ever since he hit his growth spurt, but there is something unfurling in the pit of his stomach as he realizes how perfectly you fit in his arms. how easy it would be to just tuck you underneath his chin and slot himself around you. 

“hey,” he finally replies, his eyes roving along your features, trying to memorize the shimmer of your lips. the long wisps of your lashes. “‘m simon.”

you giggle, introducing yourself shyly, and the sound of your laughter tickles his ears, making him weak to his knees. he mouths your name, testing it out for himself and preening when it rolls off his tongue with ease. like your name is something simon is supposed to always call. 

his new favourite word.

“sorry,” you say, lifting your hand like you want to reach out and touch him, only for you to snuff out the action in your anxiousness. “i don’t, uh, come up to people i find attractive so this is really making me nervous.”

simon is aware of how good he looks – he’s proud of it even – but there is something about a pretty darling like you admitting how his looks make you nervous that sparks the desire in him to transform into something more carnal.

something more visceral.

he reaches his hand out toward you, inviting you to finally close the remaining distance between you two, and smiles when you take the offer, placing your hand on top of his palm, sending goosebumps to rise across his skin. you step into his space and simon has to stop himself from breathing you in, afraid how he’ll end up reacting when he’s taken a whiff of your intoxicating scent. 

“i’ve ordered you a drink,” simon whispers, his voice a hoarse croak.

“oh,” you mumble. “thank you...”

he notes the hesitation in your words, the bubble in his chest popping as his worry extinguishes his burning desire. “you don’t have to drink it.”

“no!” 

he startles at your reaction, his wide eyes staring back at your equally shocked ones. 

it takes a heartbeat before the two of you are breaking off into choked laughter, your body angled to muffle your giggles on the sleeves of his sweater. simon’s heart clenches at the cute display and he curls his arms around you, pulling you close until your head is pressed on his chest.

he wonders if you can hear how fast his heart is beating.

it takes a while for the laughter to fizzle out, leaving you putty in his arms, your chin digging into his chest as you gaze up at him. simon eagerly returns your stare, his lips stretched into the softest of smiles now that he has you in his arms. he brushes your hair away from your face, warmth exploding in his chest at your happy little sigh.

“wanna leave this place with you,” you tell him and simon trembles with need. 

because he wants you to come home with him too. wants to show you how a sweetheart like you deserves to be treated. how you deserve to be cherished and pampered and revered. 

then, he remembers his goddamn harley. 

fuck. 

wait. now that he thinks about it-

“is there something wrong?” you ask, face creasing in worry at seeing his frown. 

“don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” simon replies, his mind already mapping out the roads to his place. “lemme just grab my keys while you drink up, yeah?”

you nod softly, eyes fluttering close when simon leans forward to press his lips on the top of your head, before stepping away from your warmth. he watches the way you ambled towards the bar counter, carefully picking up your new flute of bellini before turning to show him that adorable little smile that simon’s starting to be addicted to and taking a small sip of your cocktail.

the wrap of your pretty lips around the straw shouldn’t stir something so carnal in him but it does and simon gulps, well aware of the sudden thirst that sucked the moisture from his throat, before turning to march towards his table.

johnny whistles out loud when simon reaches them, tipping his new glass of beer and whooping even when kyle growls how he’s being too loud. simon would’ve sided with garrick, but his patience is running thin and the need that is raging within him is gaining strength so he ignores them both to stand beside johnny.

“keys.”

“what?”

“mactavish, give me your keys.”

“...why?”

simon holds in a sigh as he watches kyle reach over to smack johnny on the back of his head. “what the hell do you think?” 

john continues to ignore the group, his eyes trained somewhere on the dance floor. traitor, simon thinks. 

“oh,” johnny whispers. “oh!” 

he tries not to tap his foot as johnny grapples with his trousers, hitting his elbows on the edge of the table and angrily cursing in scottish, before finally fishing them out of the depths of his pockets and presenting them to simon. simon takes them with urgency, almost ripping them from johnny’s fingers, before throwing the keys of his harley to johnny and barking out his thanks.

“use protection!” johnny screams because of course he would. he’s a fucking bastard.

simon flips him off as he marches back towards you. 

you look up at hearing him call your name, your beautiful face glowing as you smile at him again.

god, he’ll never tire of seeing your pretty smile.

“ready?” he asks, masking the excitable tremble of his voice with a quick cough.

“mhmm!” you reply, putting down your half-empty cocktail and clambering beside simon’s side. he presses another kiss on the top of your head, this time no longer holding back as he breathes you in, and leads you out towards johnny’s car.

next time, he’ll take you out for a bike ride. 

because simon promises that there will be a next time.

starting to think if i might need a masterlist for biker!simon atp // edit: mlist!