#anyway i hope that's helpful. it's kind of hard to give really specific answers since idk what you have access to or what the project is

[supercantaloupe]

idk what it says about me that i'm going to strangers on the internet for academic advice but if you know any solidly academic reliable biographic resources about verdi that would be much appreciated i'm trying to write a paper. answers on the sooner side would be ideal but i don't particularly expect anything either i am simply a college freshman freaking out a little

my best piece of advice is to check your school's library website, which should have a search function that will let you see what kind of resources (physical and digital) are available. literally just typing "verdi giuseppe" into your library website's searchbox will start to pull up anything in the catalogue (online and physical) that you can access. for general biographic info you probably want to look for books and book chapters (like in a "romantic music" or "history of opera" kind of textbook/anthology), which there should be filter options for. although you might find journal articles on specific aspects of his life that could prove interesting/useful (i don't know what kind of project you're working on or its scope so i'm just throwing ideas at you). mess around with adding other keywords like "biography" or "life" or something specific like that if you want to try narrowing your search results.

also check to see if they have a list of databases that your school library subscribes to, because there are a number of good academic resources that are totally available online but require institutional access and aren't freely accessible without login. new grove/oxford music online is a good place to start for encyclopedic style entries on most musical topics, if your library has access to it, and articles will include a bibliography of sources used for more information if you want to keep looking.

[oconswrld]

! Merry (late) Christmas !

Your secret santa XoXo - Kimi Raikonnen x Reader

summary: Y/n is Kimi's favorite santa.

warnings: age gap, romance, too cute🫶, Not retired Kimi!! rawdogging(not proofread)

author's 🗒️'s: i haven't had much time for writing so i did a bit of a cutesy christmas fic for the part 2 hope its good w u guyss <33 enjoy loves!!

( Seb nd Kimi arent retired, reader is at AM with Lance!!)

part 1, part 2, ...

______

It's Christmas. Secret santa with the grid and snow. Well not snow because all of us are still in Abu Dhabi. Knowing glances exchanged after the secret santa pulling. If i remember correctly i was pulled by i think Lance. Im not sure if it really was Lance, but the canadian is a pleasure to know and is just perfect at gifts.

I pulled Kimi, the legend, and my best friend. Maybe my best friend. Knowing how he and Seb are. Obviously it's not only platonic feelings with the way he acts around me.

Thinking about presents for Kimi is rather hard, seeing he doesn't really have a thing he likes but doesn't have. I'd say alcohol but do i wanna heed into his alcoholism? A bit, but only if it means i get a gift for him.

-

The tea in front of me was cold, but the weather kept me warm. Sebastian sat opposite of me, asking for advice on what he should get for Oscar.

"What about i buy him, his gift and you buy Kimi's for me." I suggest a deal thinking of all the things i could give Oscar.

"Don't know what to buy your little boyfriend, eh Y/n?" Teasing smirk pulling on his mouth, the german dared me for an answer.

Eyes rolling into the depths of the back of my head, showing clear annoyance yet he still kept talking.

"Maybe you could finally confess to him, he's all over you whenever you're near him anyway" Sassy tone pulling out his german accent, the sentence making my jaw drop lower with every word. Catching my jaw, i shook my head. Trying to act unbothered, sipping from the lemon tea in my hand.

"Are you really this bored, that you're invested in your two best friend's love life ? Old man." I look away as i hear Kimi's voice in the distance. My head turned to see him talking to Mark Webber, possibly an interview with all those cameras around. The signature straight smile from Kimi appeared. Uncomfortable aura around him.

I nodded back to Seb only to see him already looking at me. 'What?' I silently asked him, only getting a knowing look back.

"Let's just buy those gifts before i regret even sitting here."

-

Giddy feeling in my stomach affecting my hold on the wrapped object. Looking at the usual secret santa interviewer making small talk, handing over the gift.

The wrapping contained a letter and an object Seb helped me pick. I feel kind of weird, specifically the fact that i don't know if he will like it is weird.

After half an hour, the interviewer approached me again, cameramen following close by. Small talk exchanged as she got ready for the video.

"Okay! One, two, and three, it's on!" A smiley voice came from her notifying me.

I was handed a gift box and the santa hat. Placing the hat on my head i examined the box, wrapped in pink wrapping paper which had hearts written all over it. All i gathered is that it must be one of my friends. I brought it up to my ears to shake and maybe smell.

The shaking part was unsuccessful since the box made nearly no noise, however the smell was gentle yet slightly familiar. Kimi's cologne. Versace eros eau de toilette. The one you recommended to him, because you liked it. Mint and lemon are dominant over the smell of paper.

"That's Kimi." I looked up knowingly, smiling a bit.

"Smells like him. Unless it's Seb and he's again interested in my business." Rolling my eyes, earning a snicker from the woman handling the microphone.

I start opening the paper gently, since i wanna save the heart on it. As soon as i take the top off, i see what i got. Caramel chocolate and snacks from my home country, paired with a bottle of jägermeister. Underneath these items there's a hoodie, unfolding it i see the embroidery on it.

'No. 7'

Holding it close to my nose, i smell it. Versace.

___

author's 🗒️'s: I kind of left it on a cliffhanger but im traveling 4 hours tomorrow im gonna do the end tomorrowww :PPPPP anyways cuties i hope my writing isnt a disaster im so sleepy rn its an actual nightmare...

taglist: @i-wish-this-was-me , @keii134 , @littlesatanicassholebitch <3

[feluka]

Hi, I don’t rlly know how to explain this but I’ll try haha.

I recently found out I have Egyptian and specifically Coptic ancestry, through family tree making, matching with cousins, gedmatch, dna testing, etc and now personal confirmation from family/ancestors.

The problem is idrk who was the Coptic ones in my family as my dad died when I was four and I’ve had no contact with his family at all since. I know it came from his mother, but I can’t even give you her name let alone where she was from, or anything. Although I want to learn more and reconnect and eventually find out who they were exactly. It’s just hard because my dad’s living family has no contact w us and since he’s dead, it’s been hard to get records as well.

I would like to learn more about Coptic culture and Egypt in general but I am worried about people considering me a ‘culture thief’ since I only recently. found this out a few months ago but didn’t really have 100% confirmation until like 2 weeks ago. And even though I can prove genetically I have ancestry Coptic I can’t really say who my ancestors were which would probably make some skeptical.

Especially because I am African American and there already exists a rift between Egyptians and AAs bc of hoteps who claim Egyptian culture/claim Egyptians are just Arabs who ‘stole’ Egyptian culture. I want to be respectful but I’m unsure how to navigate this.

I guess I’m asking if you have any idea how I should move forward, or if you know of any resources to learn more? I want to be respectful, but I would also love to start to reconnect even if I don’t know where my ancestors were exactly from other than ‘Egypt’.

Hello! First of all, this is both a very respectful and a very personal ask, so I want to thank you for trusting me with that. I hope my answer can help you find peace with the matter a little.

Instead of trying to figure out if the overall sentiment of trying to reconnect is harmful or not, because there's really no answer to that in and of itself, and instead stop at every individual action taken to reconnect and asking: could this be harming anybody?

For example, if you'd like to pick up Coptic language lessons, could this action possibly be harmful to anyone? Not really. Is reading about Coptic culture and engaging with what survived of it in modern day harmful? I don't think so.

The only possible thing that I can think of that might be harmful is, I have awful experiences with certain diaspora Copts who have never really engaged with the community nor know much of it, who suddenly butt in conversations about Coptic politics in Egypt like they're an expert on it despite never having been or known anything about it themselves, but from the way you've written this ask I doubt you're the kind of person to do that anyway, seeing as you're being very respectful and that you recognize that there's some dissonance in your experience (which there's no shame in, but the self awareness is helpful as a guide of when to participate and when not to!)

I don't know if I said this before on this blog but, to my knowledge, the matter of the hotep subculture entails far more than just questioning the Egyptian identity, and seeing as I'm neither African American nor Black at all, I don't think it's my place to comment on it. I invite any of my Black followers to contribue to intra-community discussion in the reblogs/comments for you to read, though!

All I can promise you is that even if the notion that the population of Egypt was displaced rather than converted during the Arab conquest of Egypt is false, there still are Black Egyptians and there always have been. Sadly I'm sure there will always be people who try to make you feel like a pretender, but that is true of so many things and regardless of what you do, so always remember thay Black people have always been part of Egypt's history, and that nobody is entitled to know your personal details or family history and you don't need to disclose anything you're not comfortable with to prove anything to them.

As for resources, there's always a lot on Egyptology in general, so the specific topics that would be helpful to be aware of are: modern history of Copts (or Copts post the Arab Conquest of Egypt), the persecution of Copts, the decline of the Coptic language and the efforts to revive the language. The last two are especially pertinent nowadays.

Lastly you can always ask other Copts! I may not have all the answers but I'm sure between me and my followers we can find something helpful for you if you're trying to find a specific resource of have more questions. (The scarcity of resources is something we *all* have to deal with, even us here in Egypt, I'm afraid, but it's not a lost cause! You'd be surprised how much is out there on internet archives.)

I hope you have a lovely day. ♥️

[vodika-vibes]

*slides $800 in Monopoly money over*

Got any sub!tech and Dom!femreader in the back?

Experimentation

Summary: When Tech comes to you with a request, you can’t help but try to give him what he wants.

Pairing: TBB Tech x F!Reader - established relationship

Word Count: 1990

Warnings: Spicy/Smutty (though there's no penetration of any kind)

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: *shamefully slides $400 of monopoly money back* Tech fought me tooth and nail on this one, so I couldn't write the actual smut. I don't know why. He was so nice for me the other week. I'm sorry.

You release a happy noise as you spin around your studio, moving in time with the music. It’s be so long since you’ve had time for the more sensual movements of pole dancing, and you’d never perform it in public (too many people associate this type of dancing with sex) but, right now, it’s just you and Tech, and you’re pretty sure that your clever boyfriend is more focused on his datapad than you anyway.

You tilt your head to check on Tech, and, much to your surprise, his gaze is locked on you, he has a small smile playing on his lips, and his expression is…odd. Not one that you’re used to seeing on his face.

Carefully you lower yourself from the pole you had him set up earlier, and you cross the room to his side, where you carefully crouch by his side. Carefully because you’re wearing six inch heels and you really don’t want to fall.

“Tech~”

“Cyare~” He teases lightly, his small smile growing.

You reach out and lightly set your hand on his cheek, “What’s this look for?”

“What look?”

“You have a look.”

“I am not looking at you in any unusual way.” Tech counters.

“I know your looks, Tech. And this is a new one.”

“This is how I always look at you.” 

You hum thoughtfully and settle yourself on the floor next to him, “Let’s see…there’s admiration, that’s a familiar look. You usually have it when you see me dancing. But there’s something else there too…”

He pauses, “I suppose there is something I want to ask-”

“Sweet! Lay it on me.” You say eagerly as you inch closer to him.

Tech shoots you a fond look, and you beam at him in return, “I have been doing some research,” He begins, “Specifically on the various types of kinks that exist.”

“Oh boy. That’s a very…broad research topic.” You say wryly.

“Indeed it is. There were some, a lot, that I would never be comfortable trying with you. But there was something that caught my attention.” Tech admits.

“Oh? Which one?”

“It’s the dominant and submissive-”

You blink at him, “You want to try domming me in bed?” And then you shrug, “I don’t have a problem with that, we just need to sit down and talk about our hard limits-”

It’s Tech’s turn to blink at you, “Actually, I was hoping it would be the other way around.”

“You want me to dom you.” You clarify.

“That is correct. If you are willing.”

You’re quiet for a moment, scanning his face thoughtfully, “Before I answer this one way or the other, may I ask you some questions?”

“Of course.”

“Alright.” You pause to gather your thoughts, “You never indicated that you were unhappy with our sex life,” You say slowly, “So I suppose I’m curious as to where this came from.”

Tech leans back against the wall, “That is a fair question,” He admits, “I am happy with our sex life. Very much so. But…” His lips twist as he thinks, and you wait for him to gather his thoughts, “You are stunning, and I know that you have had previous partners. Partners who were more experienced than me. Partners who were more adventurous than me.”

“And that bothers you?”

“Not that you had previous partners.” Tech hastens to reassure, “You chose me. But I am concerned that I might be a bit too boring-”

“I’ve never thought that.” You reply, “You don’t have to do anything to try and impress me or…or whatever.”

“I know. But I had the idea and I really do want to try it. But only if you want.”

“I’m not unwilling,” You say slowly, “I’m just concerned. You are so particular about having control in all situations, are you sure you want to try this? It’s okay if you don’t.”

He’s quiet for a long time, and you’re grateful that he seems to be considering your concerns seriously. “I trust you.” He finally says, “And it is as simple as that.”

“Alright then,” You reply slowly, “If you’re sure, then yes. I’m willing. But,” You hold up a single finger, “Before we do this, we need to talk about basically everything. What you’re willing to do, what you’re willing to try, and what you’re absolutely not willing to try. Not to mention safe words and everything that I am willing to do or try with you.” You pause when you see the look on Tech’s face, “What?”

“This is why I am sure that I want to try this with you.” He replies quietly.

Your face heats, “Yes. Well. Communication is an important factor in relationships, especially when trying something new-”

“There is one more thing.” Tech says as he pulls up his datapad, “Can we buy this for you to wear?” He turns the screen towards you, and you sigh when you see the lingerie on the screen.

“Really? Lace?”

“Please?”

“...fine. But only because I love you.”

It takes a little more than a week for you to be sure that both you and Tech are on the same page, and for the lingerie to arrive. But finally, it arrives, and you carefully set up your bedroom so that Tech will be comfortable.

New sheets and more pillows than you’ve ever owned in your life are all piled artistically on your bed, forming a nice comfy nest for Tech. The last thing you want is for him to be uncomfortable.

You fold your arms across your chest and look across your bedroom critically. Decorated with gauzy cloth, the room has an almost dreamlike quality, which is more for your own comfort than Tech’s honestly, but you do hope that he likes it.

There’s the sound of the front door opening, and then surprisingly light footsteps through the house. You turn to the bedroom door as it slides open, and you greet Tech with a warm smile. 

He pauses in the doorway, his eyes immediately snapping to you, and the thin, lacey material you’re wearing. “I knew that you would look amazing in that.”

You beam at him, “Thank you. You have good taste.” You strike a pose, and then run your hands over some of the lace, “I was a bit hesitant, at first, lace is normally so itchy. But this isn’t bad.” You cross over to him, and lightly take his hand, tugging him into the room, “Well, what do you think?”

Finally, he tears his gaze away from you and looks around the room. “It looks like you wanted to make sure that I am comfortable.” He finally says.

“Well, yes. I wanted to make sure that my room is as far removed from the stark white of a hospital,” You reply, “And painting is expensive, and can’t be changed easily, but cloth-” You trail off, “Do you like it?”

“I think it is perfect.”

You grin at him and stand on your toes to press your lips against his, “And you’re sure you want to try this?” You ask, one more time.

“At this point, cyare, you are just teasing me.” Tech replies against your lips.

A laugh bubbles from your throat, “Okay, okay. Sorry.” You smooth your hands across his chest, “You look very nice, Tech, but it’s time for these to come off.”

Tech chuckles and carefully extracts himself from your grasp to tug his clothes off. He tosses them in the laundry basket, for you to deal with later, and you favor him with an adoring smile.

Always so conscientious, your Tech.

He turns his expectant gaze towards you, and you blink at him, before remembering the plan. “Oh, right. You can get on the bed. Let me know if there are too many pillows.”

He laughs softly, but does as you request, “I am fairly sure you’re meant to be giving orders, cyare.”

“Do I look like the kind of person who’s capable of giving orders, Tech?” You ask with an amused grin as you circle the bed to grab a basket of scarves off the floor. They are for dancing, technically, but you’re pretty sure Tech won’t mind being tied up by them.

He props himself up on the pillows, “Yes.” He replies honestly, flicking his gaze towards the scarves you’re pulling out and arching a single brow.

You don’t answer his questioning gaze, “Arms over your head, please.”

“Why?”

A laugh falls from your lips, “You are not good at this whole following orders thing, are you?”

“Apologies.”

“It’s fine. I’m planning on tying you up.”

He considers you for a moment, and then moves his arms over his head. Tech watches you climb onto the bed and you can feel his gaze on you even as you focus on tying his hands to the headboard in such a way that he could free himself if he wanted to.

You squeak in surprise when you feel his lips on your collar, and you look down at him, “Tech!”

“You are far too tempting. I can not help myself.”

Your lips twitch into a mischievous grin, “Well, you have to.”

He tilts his head, a curious expression crossing his face. 

“You don’t get to touch unless I say so.”

“That is unfair.” Tech replies, coming pretty close to pouting at you.

“Do you want to stop?”

“No. It is just unfair.”

You pull back and stare at him, amusement dancing across your face, “I had no idea you were a brat, Tech.”

He just grins at you slyly, “It is another thing that I read about.”

“How about we crawl before we sprint, hm?”

He rolls his eyes, and you smother your laughter, “I suppose, if you insist.”

Slowly you drag your fingers down his chest, keeping your touch light and teasing, “I do insist.” His muscles jump under your fingers, and you feel a surge of elation that he’s actually letting you take control like this.

Sure, he said he was okay with it, but there was always a chance he would change his mind when he was actually in this situation. 

“Cyare, stop teasing me,” Tech says with an almost petulant pout.

You release a huff of air and trail your fingers to rest lightly at the base of his throat, “Be still, Tech.” It’s the first real order you’ve given him since he arrived, and Tech immediately stops squirming, his pupils blown wide with desire.

You slowly remove your fingers from the base of his throat, a pleased hum falling from your lips, “I think I’m going to ride you.” You say lightly, conversationally, and you aren’t allowed to touch me until I’m done.”

Tech groans out a noise that might have been a word, though it’s not in any language you know. 

“Is this agreeable for you, darling?” You purr out.

Tech utters a quiet curse, and you laugh softly as you press your body against his and lightly nibble your way up his neck, pulling another curse from his lips.

“Tech,” You coo, “You have such a clever tongue, surely you can use your words?”

He blinks at you, wide eyed, seemingly tongue tied. 

You giggle, and trail your lips to the spot under his ear that never fails to leave him speechless, “Let’s play a game, darling. The more vocal you are, the more I’ll touch you.”

“I can do that-” He says through a moan.

“Hm…but there’s a caveat, sweetheart.” You nibble just under his ear, and his hips jerk up, “If you stop talking to me, then I stop touching you, and you’ll just have to watch me get off. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

“You are awful,” But there’s a glimmer of excitement in his face, “I am going to win.”

“Oh, Tech,” You say with a small smile, before you lean in and kiss him, “I’m going to ruin you.” You coo against his lips.

“Please.”

[uroboros-if]

Hi! So, I love your game, but I have a big "issue"...

I still don't know if I should go for Salvatore of Ciocana, to be fair...

I love both characters equally, and both are tropes I love in different way - with Salvatore, it would be a golden child + outcast story, while with Ciocana it would be the idea of two outcast finding solace in each other. I adore both of these!

And so I'm curious... do you have a sort of... "general mood" or "few descriptive words" you could share about each RO's path without spoiling too much? Maybe it would help me decide!

And yeah, "replays" is sadly not a possibility for me, since I'm the kind of person who in 99% of games can't play multiple routes and try various romances - I feel like betraying and cheating on the first RO I've picked and other similar feelings. So I have to make the choice count!

Anyway, thanks!

Hi Konoi and Noir!! 💕 This also happens to me 🥲 part of the joy of IFs is playing through different scenarios, but I always feel sad pursuing another character!!

Your ask has inspired me to create a kind of "Which RO is for you?" Quiz, but I'm making it in interactive novel format, as I want to customize the results and questions better!

A preview! The design is not at all final, and the screenshot only shows one part of one RO's result. Ideally, it'll cover not just personalities, but also what tropes you enjoy and generally account for what you're looking for in a particular route! You'll also see multiple results if you want to see how you fare with multiple ROs, and what I recommend most out of all of them. I hope you'll like it ❤️

(This has been really fun for me and only takes a fraction of my brainpower to write, so rest assured that I'm allocating leisure time to this project!)

But for now, I'll answer your specific request under the read more!!

The tone and dynamics of Sal and Cio's route might differ dramatically based on how you play the story, so it's hard to pin down. All routes will be incredibly angsty, but it depends on if you take the Divine route (siding with gods) and Mortal route (siding with mortals). There may also be an in between route.

I use these terms loosely as I do not want to lock in the MC to one or the other, as doubting your beliefs and changing your mind should be part of the story! Alas, who knows if I can do that!

Sal, Divine route: sand through your fingers, broken clock, desperation and longing, comfort at the end of time

Sal, Mortal route: betrayal, searing sun, melting candle, you were supposed to be with me, redemption

Cio, Divine route: shadows of a doubt, giving up, darkness of the void, peace, coiling bitterness in your stomach

Cio, Mortal route: sacrifice, leave them, ichor in your veins, broken promise, gaping chasm, fallen angel

I'm not sure if that's in any way helpful, but I hope it gives you more direction! I hope what I'm making will give you even more guidance!! Thank you so much, Konoi and Noir 💕💕💕

[shayyprasad]

game (headcanon) | clay jensen

a/n: something. i had to post something. (i'm halfway through season three, any requests can only be made in the timeline of season one + two + three! please, no spoilers! (i'll cry.) i wanted to write something, literally anything, to get the creative wheels turning. this is kind of just a starting point for me. italics - clay; normal - ...anyone that isn't clay.

summary: how you and clay became you and clay.

warnings: mostly fluff, some depressive/suic!d@l thoughts (nature of clay), it's 13rw... let's face it, the show tackles some dark stuff.

pairing: fem!reader x clay jensen

word count: 0.79k+ words

-after hannah, clay wasn't great at putting himself out there, especially when it came to girls.

-the biggest thing he'd be worried about was girls. once hannah passed, the main reason he was having trouble was because he was trying to find another hannah.

-clay couldn't help but compare everyone to her.

-it was funny though, because the second he saw you, it was like; who's hannah? the world of "before hannah" and "after hannah" was gone.

-in that moment, when you'd first locked eyes, anything revolving the mere thought of hannah disappeared. he didn't have to think about her, and as selfish as it feels to him, it was refreshing. relieving.

-and you know what? he loved that feeling. he loved the feeling of cloud nine.

-sure, plently of times he'd considered asked you out. and then the thought would hit him like a brick; he's never even said a word to you. how's he going to ask you anything at all, if he can't even utter yet a simple "hi" to you?

-trust me, he tries. clay tries a whole lot. but he'll be inches away, and freeze up.

-part of him is afraid to love again, because what if everything ends up like hannah? like one big repeat? he's not sure if he can live through that again. it was hard enough the first time around.

-eventually, he gives up, choosing to admire you from afar.

-it's luck for him, however, when you're the one to break the ice.

-he remembers it clearly, how you lean over during english lit.

-"clay? do you have any idea what we're doing. because... yeah, i wasn't listening." / "huh? what? oh, uh, yeah- yeah, it's chapters 12-15, questions 1-10."

-he's panicking. you're talking to him.

the second time, you're complaining about your math grade to a friend. he's not even thinking when he blurts out:

-"i can help you. like, tutor you or whatever. i'm pretty good at it." / "wait, really? like, for real?" / "sure."

-clay's non-chalant on the outside, not so much on the inside.

-you seem happy, and instantly, he is too.

-the first thing he does is head into his room, kicking justin out.

-"yeah, okay, well, the adoption papers strongly disagree." / "please? y/n's coming over! i need this to go well." / "y/n? no shit?" / "no shit."

-justin gives in, he's clay's number hypeman anyways. justin lingers in the main house, and then finally wanders to find jessica. that's not clay's concern right now, though.

-it's his room. or more specifically, his shared room. he's freaking out, he hasn't been this nervous since the trial, as he shoves all - i mean all - of justin's crap into the closet, then cleaning up his own.

-he hesisitates over his akr comics, before shoving them in a drawer.

-clay showers, it won't hurt, and spritzes on some of justin's more... masculine colongne.

-half an hour later, there's a knock at the door. he's giddy as he answers it, yet nervous as well.

-"nice house-shed." / "thanks."

-he hopes it a compliment. you're nodding in approval, taking in his room. (shared room.) the little trinkets and trophies.

-and the one akr comic he left out.

-"oh, you read these?" / "y-yeah. i mean, yes. i do. wait- do you?" / no, but my little brother does."

-it's incredible how the conversation flows so smoothly after that.

-after a while, you and him got close. suddenly, it wasn't just study/tutoring sessions, it was hangouts at your place and his.

-everyone thought the two of you were dating, starting with justin.

-he would just be talking to his brother, and it would slip in.

-"how's it going between you and y/n?" / "what's going?" / "dude, you still haven't said anything?" / "there's nothing to say."

-or between his parents:

-"clay, honey, how's your girlfriend? you should bring her over for dinner!" / "we aren't dating, mom." / "really?"

-and more frequently, at school. everyone just assumed you and him were together, and at some point, you stopped correcting them.

-"hey, man, your girlfriend left her jacket in class." / "i'll give it to her."

-somewhere along the line, the difference between dating and not-dating blurred, to the point where you weren't even sure what was going on.

-"hi, not-boyfriend." / "hey, not-girlfriend."

-^became a regular occurence.

-"should we just date? y-you know, because everyone thinks we are... so... it's like-" / "sure." / "okay. wait, really?" / "yeah, why not? i'm suprised it took you this long. i'm literally always flirting with you." / "oh."

-like i said, clay isn't always the best with girls. it doesn't matter though, because you have enough game for the both of them.

[emwritesfootball]

Conversations With My Future Self | John Stones

Description: John Stones sits down at a dinner table to eat with an unexpected guest

A/N: This is a bit different than anything I think I’ve written recently, but credit to @knockmeforsixkmeforsix for her lovely idea.

Warnings: none. This isn’t really a pairing piece, but there is a magical element to this so suspend some belief please xo

Tags: @bluemoonstonesy @stonesyy

- - -

“You look familiar.” John can’t help the words that come out of his mouth, but the man in front of him warrants the statement. John doesn’t know where he knows him from, but he’s sure it’ll come to him later.

“So do you.” No clues from the man’s response as he gives John a once-over and pushes his glasses back up his nose. There’s a hint of salt and pepper in his hair and some crows’ feet around the eyes, but John has no idea how old the man actually is. “John Stones?”

John can’t help the pride that swells in his chest at being recognized, but this feeling is a little bit different - kind of like running into an old friend. “That’s me. Would you like an autograph?”

“Nah. Got plenty at home.” The man shakes his head and waves the comment away with his hand, which is when John notices the watch. It’s the same watch he’s wearing on his own left hand, but the man’s suit makes the watch look vintage. There’s no way it’s the same exact watch, though, because John had his custom-made after City won the league in 2021, engraved specifically for him. 

The two men stare at each other awkwardly until the familiar man cracks. “John. May I call you John?” John nods and the man continues. “Sit, please. I haven’t had the pleasure of eating with anyone in a while.”

John takes a seat across from the man, his curiosity peaked. “Any reason why?” He grimaces, realizing his error. “Sorry, that’s a bit personal.”

“Don’t worry about it - talking to you feels a bit like talking to a younger version of myself.”

The comment makes John feel off-kilter, but luckily the waiter shows up. John orders a pint of his favourite beer, and the man does too.

“Hope that’s not too awkward, us ordering the same thing. I was going to order that before you said it - it’s my favourite.”

“Mine, too.”

The beer arrives, and the two men take sips of their respective pints before picking up the conversation where they left off. “So, about your question. I haven’t had the pleasure of eating with anyone in a while - not since my wife and I split up.”

It’s then that John notices the tan line where a ring used to be on the man’s finger. “When was that?”

“A few years ago. We just…grew apart. She was there for the majority of my career and after my retirement but then it got complicated. You married?”

John shakes his head. “Nah. I’ve got a girl, though. She and I are a bit off at the moment, though, but I’m sure we’ll be back on again soon.”

“I see.” The man mutters something that John doesn’t quite catch, but it sounds like something along the lines of Oh yes, that wouldn’t happen yet anyway - still got a few more years.

“What was that?”

The man takes a sip of his beer. “Nothing. Just reminiscing.”

“Any advice for me for the future?”

“Mm, that’s a tough one. What are you struggling with the most right now?”

John thinks for a moment, his brain scrambling for an answer. “Probably the UCL this year. The pressure is really on, and I want to be the best and help the team win the Champions League at the end of the season.”

“This will sound cliche, but you just have to believe in yourself. You’re only twenty-eight; there’s still a lot more time left in your career and you’ve worked hard to redeem yourself since the 2020-2021 season. You’re a different man now, John, and something tells me you’re going to retire with Manchester City, so there’s many more years left to become who you’re destined to be.”

“I’m twenty-nine, actually,” John grumbles, aware of how petulant he sounds, but the ‘advice’ he was just given sounds like a load of utter shite. “What do you know about the man I’m destined to be?”

The man shrugs, smirks, and takes another sip of beer. “You’re on your own with that one, kid.”

“Whatever.”

The waiter comes back around and once again, the man orders the same thing as John for an entree. 

“Let me guess: also your favourite?”

“Yes. My ex-wife and I would go here every Tuesday for date night and order the same thing every time. Got so frequent that our food was practically on the table the moment we sat down.” The man chuckles fondly at the memory, and John makes a mental note to start bringing his girl here when they’re back together. He wonders why he hasn’t already; it’s right up her alley in terms of food and atmosphere. 

“What was your ex like?” John has long-since abandoned any form of nuance when asking this man questions. John feels like he knows the man, and just wants to know as much about his life as he possibly can. Something tells him that this man holds significance to John.

“Gorgeous. Older woman. Gave me my second and third children. We got married when I was thirty-two; divorced when I was forty.”

“How old are you now?”

“Fifty.”

“Have you retired already?”

The man nods. “Retired at thirty-five.”

“Why?”

“Injury took me out. Never fully recovered after that and my wife and I decided it was time for me to retire. I’d made enough money to where I could take care of us without having to find another job, but I was truly lost after walking away from my career. The five years leading up to our divorce were hard and it was ultimately why we ended things.”

“Do you still love her?” John realizes he has to know the answer to this, and the man obliges.

“In a way, yes. She’s the mother of two of my children, and I harbor no ill will towards her. Our children are past eighteen now and I know they’re well-adjusted because of her.”

“Does she still love you?”

“Yes, but it’s different now, too. We co-parented well, and we’re still good friends, but I don’t know if I would say she’s the love of my life - nor I hers. I want the best for her and I know she wants the best for me, and we just know now that we aren’t best for each other, even though we thought so at the time.”

The food comes and there’s silence as the two men dig into their entrees, enjoying each other’s company without words until they’re done. John mulls over the other questions he wants to ask, but waits until they’ve put in an order for dessert before doing so.

“Do you have any love in your life now?”

“Nothing serious. I can still sweet-talk a lady, but I don’t have anyone I want to marry again. Not sure I will.”

“Do you still keep in touch with the people you worked with before you retired?”

“Some of them, yes. I’m sure you probably already know who from City you’ll be keeping in touch with once they leave, and I know you already keep in touch with a few.”

“I do. And there’s a few on Three Lions as well.”

“Ah, yes. How is Harry Maguire?”

John doesn’t even want to know how the man knows he texts Maguire occasionally. “Still got his head up his arse playing for United. But good, as far as I know.”

“Sounds about right.”

Dessert comes and there’s more silence until the plates are empty. 

“Got any more questions for me, John?”

The bill comes and the man pays for the both of them, ignoring John’s offer to pay his share. 

“No, I think that’s it. Will we see each other again?”

The man stands and John does, too. They shake hands, and John gets a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

“No matter what I’ll always be thinking of you.”

John is stunned into silence, watching the man walk out of the restaurant and disappear into the night. He runs a hand over the fabric covering the tattoo bearing those exact words, wondering if he just met a future version of himself.

He quickly dismisses the thought, though. 

After all, that’s impossible.

[another-whump-sideblog]

Jane's Pets Chapter 90: Hope

TWs in tags

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"Is there something specific you want to talk about?" You ask. Fuck, it's been so long since she could choose what to talk about, at least that you've seen. 

She just shrugs. "I don't know. I love you both. That's what I wish I could say the most. Besides that… I don't know."

You squeeze her hand. "I love you too."

Kitty nods in agreement. "Yeah, love you both…"

Puppy is silent for a bit. "You… you said I might hate you for not being politically active… why? I know you were homeless for most of your adult life, anyway… Hard to be involved in stuff like that when you're struggling to stay alive. And it's not like I was any kind of activist."

"...I don't know. It just feels like the bare minimum, y'know? I guess… I wish I'd been more involved in trying to help people back then. I was just only focused on myself. And not being politically active is an example of that… Sorry, it was a weird thing to say. I don't even really know what I meant, and I'm definitely not judging you for not being an activist, or anyone else. Just a thing I… I don't know. Sorry."

She hums thoughtfully. "Well, just know I would never hate you. Were you…? …nevermind."

You kinda want to know what she was going to say, but also this conversation is reallyyyyy awkward and you want it to be over. It's… nice, to have a problem as simple as this. An awkward conversation.

"I could never hate you either."

She nods. "I think… you're too hard on yourself. If you expect people to hate you over things like that."

You laugh in surprise. "Guess so. Add that to the list of things to talk about in therapy when this is all over."

She frowns. You hate that she doesn't believe this'll ever be over, but there's no point in trying to convince her. That'll have to wait until after Jane is dead.

"I'm… glad we can talk about anything." She finally says. "Even if we don't agree. When I'm allowed to talk, at least." 

"Me too. Uh… I feel like there's so many things I've been wanting to ask you, but now that you actually can talk I can't think of anything." Besides questions about Jane you know she won't answer.

She nods. "Yeah, there's so many times that I want to say something and hold my tongue… but nothing is coming to mind now."

"We should just play a game or something, then. Kitty? What games do you think you're up for?"

They groan. "I don't know… I wanna play The Game of Life if you can talk, but… that requires a lot of focus…"

You're not really feeling up for The Game of Life either. "What about Crazy Eights?" That should be simple enough for you and Kitty and leave plenty of room for talking.

Puppy gives a thumbs up out of habit before remembering she can talk. "That sounds great."

Kitty nods in agreement, so the three of you play crazy eights for the next few hours, and then hang out with Puppy as she does her chores. It's so similar to how it normally is, and yet so different with Puppy joining in on the teasing each other and chatting.

This is how it should always be. They can't hope for that right now, but you can, and you will hope for them with everything you have.

-~-~

"Do you wanna know something funny?"

The girl stays perfectly still as Jane does her makeup. She's only recently been let upstairs for the first time and she doesn't want to do anything that would risk sending her back to the basement.

"My powers define death differently. Like, my immortality won't let me sleep forever, because that's considered too close to death. But I can only teleport non-living things, and wouldn't you know it, a person in a coma is considered alive! I don't get to be in a coma because I'm immortal. But someone in a coma is still too alive to be teleported. Isn’t that bullshit?”

The girl doesn’t dare move or speak. Jane hasn’t banned her from speaking yet, she just doesn’t want to know what’ll happen if she ruins the makeup. She wonders if Jane can teleport viruses, there's debate about whether or not those are alive, right? And her teleporting would remove all living bacteria, could it be used to sanatize things?

But she's not going to ask. She'll sit still and look pretty like Jane wants until she has a chance to get out.

“Drives me crazy." She mutters. "Look up, if you blink I'm gonna stab you in the eye."

The girl looks up as Jane applies eyeliner.

"You're really pretty… my little dress-up doll." She giggles.

The girl keeps looking up. Keeps being good, because eventually Jane will trust her to roam the house freely without cuts on her feet or broken ankles. Eventually, she'll be able to run. Just a bit longer. Just a bit more of this, and she'll be free.

-~-~

You think the healing spells you cast on the food in the fridge are working. You're the only one that would be able to tell, the others haven't been hurt recently, so you pay close attention to the speed of your healing. You think it's going faster.

It's been a few days since Puppy was allowed to talk, and your heart aches now that you have such a recent reminder of what Jane has taken away from her, and from you and Kitty. She should be that happy every day. She should be that free every day.

You spend a lot of time thinking about different spells and how you could make or find new ones. You feel fairly confident that if there was an already existing/known spell that could kill Jane, she would be dead, by her hand or someone else's. You have to discover the way to kill her, in your own way. You have to think of something no one's tried before. Something you have that everyone she's hurt before, including herself, didn't have.

There has to be something. There has to be. You have to have something special no one else has had before because otherwise this is going to be the rest of your life.

So that's what you spend your time thinking about, while you garden, while you play games with the others, while you go on walks and gather materials. What do you have that's special? What new spell can you make or discover that no one else before could've done?

"Kitty? Do you think I'm special?"

Kitty looks up from their coloring book (the three of you try to save the coloring books for special occasions- they can only really be used once, after all- and the special occasion today is that Kitty had a worse breakdown than normal and needed a pick-me-up). "Um… I don't know. Why?"

"Just… thinking. I've been trying to think of things that are special about me."

"...why?"

"I don't know. Sorry for bothering you."

"Hmm…" they go back to coloring. "Trying to… figure out why you're here? Even if there is something special… it doesn't help to worry about it."

"I know. I'm not worried about what made Jane pick me." You know why- you're trusting, and you were alone, and she thought it would be fun to hurt you. None of that is special.

"Okay…" Kitty frowns as they go back to coloring. Probably frustrated that they can't figure out why you're asking…

Well, Jane already knows you're trying to kill her. You can say this out loud.

"I just- lots of people have tried to kill Jane, y'know? If I want to be the one to do it, I have to have something none of those people had. I have to be special. Does that make sense?"

They nod slowly. "A little. But… it doesn't just have to be something about you. Or a specific person. Right? Cause… time keeps moving on. She's more or less given up on being able to die, or at least it seems that way from how she talks… but new things are invented every day."

Oh, you were totally right to talk to Kitty about this, even if Jane can hear your scheming. "Right! It could be something only someone in this specific time could do, not something only I can do. Hmm… If only we knew what kinds of things Jane had already tried! Or how she became immortal in the first place!"

Kitty sighs. "There's so much we don't know…" They look so, so tired.

"Don't give up hope. We're close, I just know it."

"Mmmm…"

They don't have to believe you. You'll get them out of here.

–

You wake up the next morning from a dream of forcing Jane to drink molten metal, a surprising but welcome break from your nightmares. You scheme even in your sleep. You doubt it would work, she's certain to have already tried that, but you do wonder… can she teleport things out of her body?

You add that to the list of things you want to test, right after if a body part got cut off, would she be able to reattach it or would she grow a new one? and can she heal if her entire body is destroyed at once?

You're scared to do things just to test them. If there's no chance of it killing her, you're just signing yourself (and the others) up to be tortured. But you'll never figure out how to kill her without more information…

So that makes the 'destroying her whole body' thing the most appealing. It's a test, but it also has a chance, however small, of actually killing her. So that's your plan for today.

You prepare a spell to do just that, not even bothering to wait for Jane to take someone else to the basement. You don't care if she's watching, so long as you can catch her off guard eventually. Your head is already starting to hurt.

Once the spell is prepared, you leave your room for breakfast, and-

Your hopes are immediately crushed. Jane is dragging Kitty by the hair to the basement.

You'd cast right now, but… you don't know if you're skilled enough to avoid hitting Kitty. So you just watch as Jane drags them and laughs while they cry.

"Good morning, Bunny! My Kitty needs a bit more training."

She throws them down the stairs and follows after, slamming the door behind her. Fuck

They're going to get tortured. You don't even know if they did anything, or if Jane was just bored. You need to kill Jane.

Puppy sits at the table, still muzzled, staring at the omelets she made. You need to kill Jane.

You sit down next to her. This… it's not ideal, but you can still get something out of this. Out of her being in the basement with Kitty. "Puppy. Do you trust me?"

Screaming starts up downstairs. Puppy nods slowly.

"Would you do anything for me?" You know you're being manipulative, but this can't go on any longer.

She looks at you suspiciously, but nods.

"Then I need you to tell me- If Jane's entire body was destroyed at once, would she die?"

Puppy shakes her head.

"If some kind of weapon was inside her body, would she be able to teleport it out?"

Puppy thinks for a moment, then shakes her head reluctantly. She's less willing to give you this information- probably because she's worried you'll do something stupid- but she did give it. She's not just telling you what she thinks will make you the least likely to get hurt, she's telling telling you the truth. 

"If one of her limbs were chopped off, would another one grow in its place?"

She shakes her head.

"Would the limb reattach?"

She nods.

"So, her healing… it just reverses damage, right? It's not making new cells or anything."

Puppy nods. But… that doesn't feel right. When you slit her throat, the blood didn’t go back into her. And she told Barron (thinking about it at all sends a stab of pain through your chest, but you push it away) she once held open wounds until she should’ve bled out…

“But her blood is different. From her skin and stuff. More gets made, and more skin doesn’t get made.”

Puppy winces and nods hesitantly.

“I guess that could be true about any bodily fluids… but you’re reacting like blood is special. Is that important? For killing her? Knowing that her blood is different somehow?”

Puppy shrugs. She’s starting to look pretty upset… just a few more questions, then you can comfort her. Kitty screams and screams downstairs.

“So her blood is important to her immortality.”

Puppy nods.

“Do you know why she’s immortal?”

Puppy nods again, looking more distressed. You’re… not sure where to go from here with yes or no questions.

“Okay. I’m done. Sorry for upsetting you.” You pull her into a hug, and she practically melts. “I’m sorry. Thank you for trusting me, and helping me. I know you can’t believe me, but… I’m going to end this. We’re getting out of here.”

She doesn’t respond, of course. That’s okay- well, it’s not, but it’s going to be. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.”

A/N: Let me know if I should tag anything else, or if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list!

Tag list: @eatyourdamnpears @whump-in-the-closet @scp-1296 @thecosmicmap @quins-whump-stuff

@fuckcapitalismasshole

[incendio22]

FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL

Pt 2 Chapter 6: Bruised

I walk back to the Common Room, having mixed feelings about agreeing to a date with Sebastian. For the first time in a long time, he had put a smile on my lips, but I'm well aware that it's going to take more than just a smile for me to even consider taking him back. However, I won't deny that it's quite exciting to have some options. And neither is a commitment.

I don't know why I told Sebastian that I despise him, when that isn't the case. But something about the small part of me that hates him also makes everything about him so exciting, as if it's a fiery passion instead of a cozy campfire. I down in front of the windows facing the Black Lake, like so many times before. People have even started to make space for me when I show up, since most people seem to recognize it as my place.

Since I read about twin flames, I've had a hard time letting it go. I keep thinking about the separation part, specifically, which might be odd since I'm not really in separation from Sebastian. But our connection is, and I believe that is what they are referring to.

I have come to believe that everyone has, or will have, a person that they simply cannot seem to get over no matter how hard they try. And when we don't have them with us, we're left with a permanent mark. Almost like a scar, but only visible to us and constantly remining us of everything that's not our person. Whenever you try something new, or meet someone new your mind just wanders to them thinking about how the person you're meeting isn't them. And you want to tell them everything, but you can't.

Instead, you're simply left with a permanent mark that will forever remind you of them and it will probably never go away because they made such an impact on you. And after giving it some thought, I believe that Sebastian is my twin flame. I have fallen asleep with the pain of the separation, I have woken up sore from it and lived through days with it. And the most painful part is that you don't know if they did or if they even felt the same way about your relationship. Did our relationship leave a permanent mark on him, too? I will never know the answers and I'm rather sure I don't want them either. Some things are better left unsaid.

The days pass quickly and when I'm getting ready for my date with Garreth Imelda is helping me. She's making sure my hair looks perfect and that I have my cutest outfit on. I go with a skirt and a knitted sweater, which is what I feel most comfortable in. I meet Garreth in the Belltower Courtyard with my broom in hand.

''I'm honored to even get to touch that broom,'' he says jokingly.

''As you should,'' I say firmly with a smile. ''Get on.''

He sits behind me, wrapping his arms around me and we lift off. We fly over the yellow trees and I fly over the Black Lake, watching the sunset. It's stunning. I speed up and Garreth holds onto me even tighter than before as if he's afraid that he's going to fall off.

Eventually I land outside of Hogsmeade and we walk the last bit. He seems nervous, but I don't blame him. We step into The Three Broomsticks and order one beer each. We grab an empty table and sit down.

''That was some ride you took me on,'' he says with a laugh.

''Oh, we can do an even quicker fly home. If you're not scared,'' I tell him in a daring voice.

''Give me five of these and I might consider it,'' he nods towards his butterbeer and laughs.

''Oh, is that a bet?'' I ask with a grin.

''Don't get any ideas,'' he tells me. ''Anyway, you've kind of been the talk of the school ever since you started your 5th year.''

''Is that so?'' I ask in an intrigued tone, eager to learn more.

''Obviously,'' he looks surprised that I don't seem to know what he's talking about. ''I mean, you start later than everyone and just happens to be a quidditch master and save the school a couple of months later. It's more than most of us will do in a lifetime.''

''Don't make me blush,'' I tell him as I laugh.

''No, I'm serious. You're really cool,'' he says sincerely. ''And rather pretty, too.''

I feel embarrassed when hearing him say that. Of course I know it's a date, but it still feels weird hearing someone talk about you like that. It feels good, but I don't feel sparks flying as he says it.

''You don't look too bad either,'' I tell him, feeling rather awkward.

I notice that his cheeks flush, which makes mine flush a little as well. We laugh together and have big sip of butterbeer together.

''I feel like parties are more my thing,'' Garreth says with a laugh. ''This isn't my natural habitat, I feel right at home in a dark dungeon with some good music.''

''Oh, I hear you,'' I tell him with a smirk. ''Are there any going on tonight?''

''There's always a party at Hogwarts for the ones looking for it,'' he says with a smirk. ''The Gryffindors are hosting one, we could go if you want to?''

Said and done. We are heading back to the castle and even though Garreth said I could fly faster if he got five butterbeers, I speed up so we can get back quicker. I hear him screaming slightly behind me and I need to hold a laugh back.

We enter the Gryffindor tower and Garreth leads me to a secret room. As we walk to the door I see students all over the place, drinking as if it's their last night in the castle. Everyone is there, including Sebastian who is talking to Anne by the window. He sees me coming in with Garreth, but he looks away. I feel a lump forming in my stomach, but I also get a sudden urge to make him jealous.

I put my arms around Garreth and we dance close to each other. I like him, but I don't feel any sparks like I used to do with Sebastian. I have no idea what is right or wrong, good or bad. It feels good with Garreth, but I miss the fireworks that I used to sense whenever Sebastian touched me. I move closer to Garreth, leaning my face closer to his. He looks into my eyes as if he's asking me if I want to, and I lean in. His lips are soft on mine and it feels nice. I open my eyes and notice that his eyes are closed, I look around and catch Sebastian's eye. He looks broken and while it breaks my heart to see the pain in his eyes, I hope he's looking carefully so he knows that this is how it will go if he messes up again.

I leave the party rather early and Garreth stays with his friends. We had a good night together, but Garreth is mostly a fun person to be around. He brings out the better in me and maybe we have something to build more on. I wander the castle and see Sebastian ahead of me. I fasten my step to catch up with him. He nods at me to say hi.

''I suspect the date went well?'' he asks curiously. I'd expect him to be upset about it, not seeming genuinely curious.

''It was,'' I tell him in a content tone.

There is something in the air. I can't place it. There is so much tension between us. Without thinking I reach for his arm, pulling him closer to me. There it is. The fiery sensation from his skin. He turns to look at me. I pull him closer, leaning my face closer to his.

''I thought we were friends?'' he asks in a confused voice.

''We are,'' I tell him in a low voice.

''Friends don't do this,'' he argues and takes a step back. ''Y/n, I'm serious about this. I can't kiss you seconds after you kissed someone else. I love you and I want you, but I can't be part of some experiment.''

It's as if he has seen right through me, knowing exactly what's been going on inside of my head. My eyes fall to the ground.

''I'm sorry,'' I apologize sincerely.

Frankly, it hadn't happened intentionally. I had just felt so drawn to him. It was almost as if he was a drug and my body needed more of him. Of course, I knew it was a bad idea to kiss him. But what's the point of denying myself all pleasures in life? I mean, a kiss doesn't have to more than just a kiss.

''You have nothing to be sorry for,'' he says with a sincere smile. ''I understand that this might be a result from what I did to you, so that's why I'm telling you. You don't ever have to apologize for how you choose to put it back together.''

His palms are pressed together and he looks sincere. This is something new to me. Is he... Understanding me? A year ago he would have gotten uspet, but he seems to understand why I kissed Garreth and why I tried to kiss him. Somehow, I'm not angry at him for rejecting my kiss. After hearing his explanation, I understand him and I think it's very mature. However, I won't deny that my lips are aching for his.

Some parts of me wants to hold onto the anger. Not because I'm afraid that without it my judgement may get clouded, because I at this point I'm sure of what I need and want. And how I won't accept to be treated. I hold onto it because there is something that excites me so much about that fiery hatred. It's like a spark I have never felt before and it's more burning than anything and I feel like I might die if I don't explore it.

[stellamancer]

niku niku niku!!!! i am dropping by with a few things i find pretty bc april is so very pretty to me! 🍞🌻💭🌷☀️🫧✨🌱💗🍓 how are you?? i hope the month is lovely to you 🥺

i also come back with a curious sel question 🤓 a more technical writing one but, what is your anchor point to writing a character like gojo or deku (or bakugo)? what part of them do you like exploring and what quality of theirs stays the same to you across any universe you put them in? 🥺

I AM OKIE. very full from the breakfast i just ate (some steamed shrimp dumplings hehe). i hope you are well lil selsel. i know you have been a very busy girl lately. LMAO

please be prepared for my very long answer. because i will be addressing all three.

let's start with deku since i think he's the most straightforward. i'm actually not entirely what you mean by anchor point but in terms of what i like to explore with writing deku. it's like. this is honestly all on a very... hypothetical scale since my one deku fic is. well not like this (in fact i read it last night and you know it's about three years old now and the bits of my writing i think have changed... lmao).

anyway. i'm getting off track. for deku i like... i really like to explore how adamant he is about... helping people LMAOOO. with the exception of one wip. deku is very dedicated to helping reader in some shape or form (in that other wip is more that the reader is working to save HIM). but as much as i love writing how sweet and kind he is, i do actually like giving him a change to quip a little. he's a smart lil guy.

but the one thing i like to have (generally) be consistent is that earnest goodness that basically defines deku. it doesn't always have to be at the forefront, and it might even be buried but. you know. so i like writing fics where that gets to be highlighted.

next. bakugou. it's a little hard to talk about bakugou because i, despite what you might think, have not really thought of many fic ideas for him. it's really just my kitchen adventure neighbors series and the one shot i will maybe finish one day 'surface of the sun' and they're actually pretty similar in terms of theme. i guess i have those emotional support bkg drabbles too. but those i've really just wrote on a whim.

i think, and i suppose i said this with deku and i will say this with gojo, it's very important to keep the core of the character in mind when you write them in any au. for bakugou specifically it's his roundabout way of being kind. he's not straightforward in his kindness like deku, but a little more... harsh about it. i suppose. like deku will get you lunch and smile at you and say he hopes you like it (but knows you will because he knows it's your favorite) bakugou on the other hand might just shove it at you and tell you to just eat it LMAOO. which is probably a very general way of saying it.

with bakugou there's a balance you have to maintain: his actually legitimate good heart and his attitude. bakugou seems mean at a glance, but he's really just harsh. which also seems like the same thing. that being said, if you make him too soft then... it feels like something's missing, but make him too harsh and he's just outright mean. i think. i'm not sure bakugou is more willow's expertise LMAO (willer do NOT LOOK AT ME TALKING ABOUT BKG)

and finally gojo.

it's hard to say with gojo. i think also because i approach writing from a scenic standpoint (so i see scenes a little less than character traits). i think similarly to deku, outside of infinite loop!verse which i regard a bit similarly to the emotional support bkg drabbles. I guess i like writing being a menace but not like. in a mean way? idk. but when i think of the like... non infinite loop!verse fics i've written/have planned i think that similar to deku there's a desire to help people but he's not as... straight forward about it and there's a bit of serving his own goals too. haha. he's nice as nice about things as deku.

similar to like. bkg. whenever i write gojo i have to try and keep a balance. but just replace harshness with frivolity. LMAOOO. that's why i've said to you before that i think that if you write gojo you can write bkg, because i take a similar approach to both. too nice is just not gojo and too frivolous is not gojo either. i think there's also a bit more of a complicated blend with gojo especially when you take to account other factors. for that reason for one of the aus it was kind of hard to figure out how to write him but i think i figured it out.

....damn i yapped a lot. i don't even know if i actually answered your questions LMAOOO.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hey, i started a therapy a few weeks ago so i am doing a lot of paperwork, surveys and all the stuff you need in the beginning. and my therapist (and me) were a bit surprised, because the results of the surveys (the ones i filled myself) weren't as bad as i feel and as she believes me to feel. so i thought about it and (i am having some dissociation issues, maybe that also plays a part in it) i have a specific "mindset" (unintentionally) when i go there, to be polite, vaguely honest, have a high class wording, be positive etc. things i learned that you should do and have when talking to "strangers" (or, not friends and family). so i noticed that, when i filled those surveys honestly, the answers were lies? it is a situation of "i feel good now" so my bad feelings are out of sight out of mind?

"panic attack? i haven't in years!" and when i go back home i am like "years? I haven't in 4 days". you know, i am not intentionally lying, and i feel like i am honest, in this moment. there is also something of "i am so used to feeling bad, that i don't notice it anymore". but also, "i don't insult myself, i am honest when i tell my shitty self how much i suck". there are many reasons but the end result is, that it isn't true.

i would need some nice, validating words to be honest because this feels pretty bad to me. and also, should i tell my therapist about this or do you think she knows, expects it, or will find out anyways? she (vaguely) knows about my dissociation isuees.

while i don't particularly distrust her, i also don't trust her enough yet to comfortably tell her the background of all of this, you know?

Hi anon,

The way that these evaluations are completed or the results they show could signify something to explore in therapy, like having a hard time being truly honest with yourself or reflecting on times you've struggled. I also think that there's inevitably some kind of mask we wear, our social persona, that may not necessarily reflect how we really feel or the gravity of our issues. I know that in therapy I tend to laugh a lot, even when it's not funny, just to soften the blow of the things I'm saying. This could be another thing that a therapist can work with you on, if you resonate with that.

I struggle with this too and something that helps me is to jot down the issue as I'm having it so that I can bring it to the session. I personally will make a little bullet list, my "agenda" of things that came up between the sessions that I wanted to discuss. I don't know if you would find this helpful but that is one possibility. That being said, it's okay to feel uncomfortable being fully honest with your therapist, especially since the relationship is new. Give your therapist some time to build rapport and create the space, and if you still feel uncomfortable then perhaps a different therapist could make you more comfortable.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Putting aside the murder mystery, do you think Chekhov’s Sicilians might be likely? Marigold acts like there’s a big problem, and besides Drago, they’re the only third party that’ve been mentioned at this point, and it feels like we’re a good way into the story.

this might be a bit of a stretch, but I got curious and looked it up. Drago is an Italian surname, but is apparently most frequent found in the country of Malta, an island close to Sicily… he seems pretty lawful good, but that doesn’t necessarily rule out some kind of connection.

i think we can have it all, i.e. i think marigold's big problem could be related to the murder mystery, since mordecai went from "well i wish i knew what marigold's big problem was" to "i am going to interrogate this guy marigold wants dead instead of killing him and hide this from my coworkers and get all stressed and say i probably shouldn't be doing this, in order to try to find out what marigold's big problem is, and bring up that i'm This Driven about it b/c of some perceived possible connection to the murder mystery"....plus how bobby arbogast said that "whatever's giving [marigold] the nervous twitch lately" is what's causing marigold to station agents to hang around / monitor / patrol the premises, which has caused the shootout on the lackadaisy triumvirate's end....which will presumably cause some direct conflict between marigold and lackadaisy, which is. a factor

anyways, that's to say it sure seems pretty centrally encompassing, and the Murder Mystery does too, and it's at least linked in that mordecai supposing it Might Be connected is making him act up and increase stakes, conflicts, possibilities, etc

to finally get around to an answer: yeah, i was kinda getting at a chekov's sicilians theory lmao, since like you say, they and drago are the only specified third or fourth parties out here, And that with any Mystery thread it doesn't hurt to be on the alert for anything that's touched on that you might go "huh, weird" or "huh, that sounds like something that Could be important" but then is kind of glossed over, or some other specific element of it is focused on instead, which in this case, is the focus on exploring a specific flashback / talking about the history between the arbogasts' funeral home and atlas / lackadaisy / viktor (& mordecai)....and it's a speculative leap to go "like, mafia?" but it's not as though that'd be so irrelevant when the general topic here is prohibition. but, whoever they are, they could still be Out There, active and relevant to the story. could've been after atlas, marigold, or both

drago's truly a mystery as well, still....his lawful goodness could sure be either "i love cops, let's keep it honorable lads ha ha" or else "i hate cops, i'm just infiltrating the treasury department, i'll help you keep cash from them / get phonecalls to potentially get out of here"....sure can't nail down naming conventions as hard evidence lol like catch us going "pretty Romantic name you've got there, horatio bruno, if you catch our drift" anti-italianly microaggressing the lackadaisy doorman, or "and they say [politicians] with [maltese-american] can't become [u.s. secretary of transportation]"....but there's the added reason to question drago of how like, gracie's saying that he never had any real info to provide, but that didn't seem to bother them, Like They Just Like Hearing Me Talk....what's the good of having informants in the periphery of marigold? setting up a really long con infiltration, having them keep checking in just so you know they're still there, and hoping it's now easier to plant people a little deeper and get Any Real Info? i'm not rhetorically asking lol, maybe there Is some high-profile treasury department raid Straightforward Explanation in it, but it's hardly guaranteed....

at this time in writing things out i went off and had an exasperating experience lmao, let's see if i can get back into the swing of things. okay, so. walking through a theory that [drago is in turn a plant at the treasury dept] it's like....for whom? so far, like you say, we don't exactly know of any non marigold / lackadaisy (or non feds) parties besides Some Sicilians. could be an as yet undisclosed fourth party. or some personal agenda of his lol. and he seems interested in marigold, and uninterested in lackadaisy....with the feds going through all this trouble with informants for no obvious benefit yet, and marigold going through all this trouble with those same informants for no obvious benefit yet, in that mordecai notes it Should Be ultimately more lucrative to keep them on & pay off some parties than kill these dues-paying people....and gracie saying he's never been able to give any useful info as that informant. if it's not about the info (or isn't it???) or not about the money (or isn't it???) then. then it would be about different things lmfao.

really have to take baby steps and go over & over some presumptions and scrutinize them....like my confusion about mordecai in the same breath seeming to be worried about "were marigold and lackadaisy at odds after all" And "does marigold know how atlas died. b/c i thought that i did" which, yknow. Might simply be interpreted, as gracie seems to interpret it, as mordecai thinking marigold killed atlas. but we know there's some other layer in whatever shared secret he has with mitzi....have to like draw out some axes here to chart like, [mordecai killed atlas: if yes, if no] and [marigold knows what happened: if yes, if no] and whether there's any fitting Explanation for each combo and what we've seen so far. going back to a thought the other day that maybe what was so [??] to mordecai is that asa warning mitzi and saying he warned atlas too implies that asa Doesn't Believe that mitzi killed atlas, even though that's the scuttlebutt, as they say. also, sidebar, shoutout to gracie's humor in duress out here lol, in times like these i guess all you can do is laugh....anyways. it's like, if mordecai's concern is "i hope nobody knows i killed atlas"....if he's worried that Marigold knows that, i'm not sure it makes sense: so prior he'd have thought marigold believed mitzi killed atlas, but he's not acting as though he also ever thought they might kill mitzi over that. and it's not like marigold's evidently suffered after atlas's death, rather than benefitted. and, what, are they just planning to kill mordecai Eventually? idk. feels quite shaky

i'm going down the murder mystery route here to be sure lol, but hey, can't really disentangle them, and It Is My Passion....the possibility mordecai is questioning The Leadup to atlas's death / whether asa Really Did Have Something To Warn Atlas About. what does that change....mordecai Could just really really care to know. or he could be like "someone might wanna kill me, and i'm only just finding out now, and i need to ascertain this"....probably not marigold? suppose it's like, maybe anyone who wants revenge for the lodge incident. but this is evidently a lot of effort for that, And when it's like....so these people start agitating marigold overall, while mordecai's kept in the dark about things, instead of marigold just tossing him overboard to deal with it? unless, of course, this is just a reignited conflict with lackadaisy And marigold from these restored third parties....in which case, not like mordecai has much to be worried about from them directly. much like: would mordecai be very worried about a federal agent going after marigold, or after him Through marigold (though a prohibition agent would surely be more focused on the bootlegging and its central agents than even a hitman, who also only has so much info to offer (does mordecai even get to know who's higher up than asa? hardly established that he totally does))

and there's the like, timeline confusion of: say that, for whatever reason, mordecai's concern is All [marigold knows what happened re: atlas's death? they shouldn't]....asa talking about Warnings is something happening After the fact, about something that would have happened Before the fact....head in hands baja blast Musing Hard, like, god how does it figure in....if mordecai killed atlas: he wouldn't question that, only question Why [these circumstances Really came about] or Who Knows About It. if he didn't: he could question who really did, and who knows about it; apparently either way he thought marigold was uninvolved and had No Info.

wait fuck there's also the fact that mitzi thought mordecai Could have told asa something. which doesn't exactly lend itself to the idea that mordecai would live in mortal fear if he thought marigold knew anything about anything; and he sure doesn't have so dramatic an immediate reaction, even if he's willing to pull a stunt like [interrogate gracie, Who's Supposed To Be Dead]

i'm really not exaggerating that i ought to like, make charts lol. visuals would only help organize some thoughts....

speaking of visuals, i'll break up some text with this next relevant point:

there's A Pause before mordecai dismisses "let gracie pin atlas's death on marigold to his contact," such as that maybe he considered it at all for real, and the cited reason that he'd be without a real answer....even though he sure might be withholding things from gracie here / Maybe outright lying about some things, but i also doubt there's much of that, if any....Is he lookin to join the loose ends club himself over a dead man? Maybe, i.e. this is all about Emotional Motivations re: atlas (besides that potential "i'm afraid someone wants me dead" re: atlas's Death)

there's also the thought i was having that like, i think having a diable thrust upon him that provides illumination, and this scene having literal And figurative illumination, does suggest that now having this drago thread is indeed Relevant to whatever mordecai wants to ascertain out here. mysterious how, as per the last panel in which mordecai asks if they meet regularly, and where, it's suggested that mordecai plans to meet him, or at least see him from afar / undetected....but probably the former, since what tf does he learn from what he looks like? he's not doing this For marigold, and even if he was, a name's surely sufficient. but what does he think he can say to, or ask of, a prohibition agent....becoming a higher up informant? asking for information about marigold? not like drago, whether he's himself a plant or not, would just provide said info for mordecai's peace of mind....of course, it being mordecai, he could try for the [interrogation like with gracie here] route. but that'd be all the riskier, surely. try to follow him home, and go through his shit later?? is it about wanting drago's information, drago Being the information....what could any of it tell mordecai about whether marigold knows things about atlas's death....

i've been keeping [and what of the sicilians, maybe] in mind while i've been going through these other thoughts, lol, just haven't found any places where it seems Obvious they'd fill in some potential missing detail. let's say they've been bearing down on marigold: mordecai talks of paltry competition, and is hypothetically bringing up [could marigold warning of competitors mean they know how atlas died??] like....how's it figure in. supposing they're bearing down by going the "we can do a federal raid, with plants," couldn't they do it just as, or more easily with just the nonplanted federal agents? how would that factor in to anyone knowing more about atlas's death than they should....the feds take him out to simplify some shit; marigold's ceo is worried about the same fate?? while the one informant mordecai's talked to is saying he never had good info for his contact, mordecai might not even know who he works for, mordecai might be on the right track by now knowing Of drago....waugh. or trying on: the sicilians are working With marigold, marigold's insulating b/c why?? lord.

mordecai shoots atlas, asa having warned atlas of anything beforehand makes him question if asa knows how atlas died....how? just b/c he doesn't assume mitzi killed atlas? mordecai didn't shoot atlas, knows mitzi was't even there when atlas died, it was a private affair, asa warned atlas of something and mordecai's questioning if that means asa knows what happened to atlas, which mordecai Thought was a private affair....

now trying to follow that latter [okay, suppose mordecai didn't shoot him either] idea further: suppose that mordecai Knows mitzi didn't kill atlas because mordecai was with mitzi at the time. and was told something by atlas such that he thought he knew what was going to happen to atlas, and didn't himself question this after atlas died....i'm embracing this idea that mordecai is all riled up on his Professionalism b/c his involvement in atlas's death is such that he did whatever he did b/c atlas asked it of him (generous phrasing on my part) as a Professional request. or order. so now mordecai's alllll about citing his Professional Approach; he does it at the end of his proper introduction, even. maybe atlas's "do it for the professionalism" directive was about mordecai protecting mitzi for him instead of atlas, as he usually did as that apparent semi bodyguard. maybe it was about That, but also about protecting mordecai, in a "i'm absolutely going to be killed; as my right hand bodyguard man you'll be caught up in that; so go protect mitzi instead. that's an order XD but really, it is :I"....whether That's what mordecai Blames mitzi for, damnit if he wasn't married to you he wouldn't have sent me to protect You from [whatever threat] instead and i would of stopped it, rip to atlas's self-defense abilities but i'm different

why would mitzi hand mordecai, gunman, a gun in that case....he probably has his own?? or maybe he doesn't, it was too short notice (unlikely....). or maybe it was mordecai handing mitzi a gun, instead, for good measure.

to be sure, atlas being like "the [threat] are after me, imminently. mordecai, go bodyguard my wife instead, as my loyal and Professionally Committed employee who's really good at that and i wouldn't trust anyone else haha get outta here" and mordecai doing so, grabbing onto that Professionalism with both hands such as to have a death grip even now, resenting mitzi for atlas's death (b/c mordecai couldn't be present, though he thinks he knows how it happened) has given me a pang....Possible, though still has weaknesses like "what would the [threat] be such that mordecai considers it to have been a private affair if he didn't shoot atlas himself (which, if he did, i'm also embracing the theory of: it was also at atlas's Professional Request / Order)" / "what would be bearing down on atlas with enough short notice / Certainty that he couldn't manage to avoid his own death despite seeing it coming at all, even if he sent his best bodyguard elsewhere"

whether atlas was slowmo diving in front of a bullet for mitzi here (figuratively), which, who would be going directly after her? doesn't seem like the kind of thing that would be phrased as Mitzi's culpability/fault....and, i dunno, if it was obvious that atlas died To Save Mitzi / Lackadaisy overall, mordecai might be devoted to either party. certainly atlas didn't request it of mordecai outright; while mitzi doesn't act like "oh i have to keep lackadaisy up & running For Atlas," rather than that she knows maybe it'd be better to close, but she's kinda doing it for Possibility still / old times' sake....makes most sense that of course atlas died Because of lackadaisy, but he didn't like refuse to take some approach in which he Could've Lived to instead die to better ensure its continuation. if that makes sense.

mentally rotating everything furiously, i'm reluctant to wrap up any of these posts as if i'm bound to just suddenly Solve That Mystery, what's new scooby doo....musing on the possible chekov's sicilians again for good measure....how much changes if mordecai thinks that marigold knows who killed atlas, and he doesn't? that he wants to Know if marigold Knows? that he wants to find out and get revenge on whomsoever it was, supposing in this case, of course, it wasn't himself? that maybe atlas lied to him about who/what was threatening him, whether or not he was then like "professionally shoot me" or "professionally leave me and make sure nobody shoots my wife, who isn't even living with me at this time, things have visibly deteriorated"....

augh it's quarter to one a.m. all of a sudden and i've mostly just talked about the murder mystery some more lol. but it's a "yeah maybe" from me re: your original question lmfao. and a standing invite to any and everyone to muse on this mystery with me / send insights/ideas

[margaretwexley]

For each of the following items, indicate whether you think it’s morally okay or not.

An army lieutenant neglects to file a report on a civilian killing done by his troops because he knows it was an accident. NOT OKAY

Tina promises her dying mother that she’ll visit her grave once a month. After the mother has passed away, Tina finds it hard to squeeze in the time, and her visits drop to about once a year. NOT OKAY

A man orders a custom-built sex doll designed to look just like his neighbor. NOT OKAY

Sarah’s dog has four puppies. She can only find a home for two of them, so she kills the other two with a stone to the head. NOT OKAY

A doctor has been preforming consensual yet illegal procedures one someone in hopes of finding a cure for his ill sister. NOT OKAY

A neglectful husband pushes his wife to an affair. When the affair ends, the wife’s partner nearly kills her and her unborn daughter. The husband kills the affair partner. NOT OKAY

September has run out of food and is facing death by starvation. She begins to cannibalize her family’s loyal staff. They do not fight back. NOT OKAY

A mother gives birth to identical twins. One follows their ambitions and the other becomes a shut in. The family make it clear which child they prefer. NOT OKAY

Natalie is so focused on survival she fires a shot without thinking. She did not intend to kill her elderly neighbor, but she hides the body regardless. She denies knowing what happened to the now missing resident. NOT OKAY

A woman is facing a lifetime of medical issues. She continues to put her family and those around her in emotional and medical debt. She lives a hollow life and continues leaching off of those who support her. —

Please provide a response to each of the following prompts. Leaving a prompt blank will also be considered a response, and you will be assessed for refusal to answer.

In the event of a life or death situation, would you put yourself or others first? others. i accept that i have limitations in a stressful situation.

How far would you be willing to go to ensure your own survival throughout this ordeal? only as far as i can without hurting others, or being a burden. whatever comes first.

Is there anyone in the building you have developed strong attachments to? my family of course, i couldn't survive without toby.

Do you think it is possible to survive infection through alternative means such as removing the infected limb? Would you be willing to undergo this procedure to ensure your own survival? i don't know if it's possible, i don't really want to give my opinion on that. it really depends if a virus or something that can be contained— but i wouldn't really know.

Will following the general consensus lead to improved odds of survival, or would you have a better chance following an assigned leader? i think having a leader would be helpful, just so people know where they go with there problems. i don't think he needs total control of everything, maybe a mixture of both.

What is the appropriate response to the following situation?

Your daughter falls ill and needs a specific, uncommon kind of antibiotic that will be hard to find; without the full course, the pathogen will survive, regroup, and kill her anyway. You are scavenging a pharmacy, where you find another group, and manage to not shoot each other. You ask them about the antibiotic, and they have it, but they also need the antibiotic, for the wife of someone in their group. You cannot share the antibiotic because it would just kill both people, and they have the antibiotic in their pack. This is likely the only complete dose set you will find, as the other stores have been picked totally clean and there are no friendly groups in the area.

if it was for me...the other group already has it, so i've lost. but, since it's for my daughter i have to try. i have plenty of object that can make for an enticing offer to trade. i don't know what you could do if they wouldn't barter.

[thezestyone]

My thoughts on Yoshimoto’s route Rant (SPOILERS)

I have to put this disclaimer out before I get started: I do not hate Yoshimoto so much as I hate how his route is written and how he was portrayed in it. I have to say, reading Yoshimoto’s route has unfortunately had a negative effect of my perception on him. Therefore, I am not going to acknowledge his route if I choose to write about him in the future. If you love Yoshimoto and his route, more power to you, this is just my own thoughts on the route in particular and how Yoshimoto is portrayed, not him as a whole concept since I loved him in SEs.

What I was afraid most of the route ending up as, the tragic “woe is me” approach, has happened. To be honest, I do not remember when it specifically started, and I didn’t bother to take much screenshots initially since this route after like the intro chapters had me disliking Yoshimoto and getting me frustrated with just how lackadaisical he seems about everything. He seems to love art first and foremost, and seems like he is his own worst enemy. The chemistry he had with MC from like the first two or three chapters seemed quite cute and romantic, but it all starts to fall apart when his backstory is brought up.

You see, Yoshimoto is a puppet head leader, who for some reason, is chained by the wants of his jerks for vassals, the same vassals that, mind you, are living under Kenshin’s castle in his territory. Why I bring that up is that to me, the solution to Yoshimoto’s issues with his vassals seems rather easy to solve, but for some reason, Yoshimoto makes no attempts to do anything to feasibly break free, despite having all sorts of cards in his favor. I mean, he has Kenshin and Shingen by his side! What are his vassals, who practically lost all their political power anyways, going to do? They’re powerless, they could just as easily be whipped by them up to shape or imprisoned. Yoshimoto could just as easily disappear to another country and never come back. He appears just so self-defeated and that attitude, for me, is such a huge turn OFF for any kind of attraction I may have been developing for him. He acts as if he has an illness that is shortening his life span, that is painful to conceal with the weight of the world on his shoulders while simultaneously having to duke it out with the people who has caused him to lose his very home… Oh wait, that is his cousin, Shingen, the same cousin he abandoned to help Kicho and Motonari, you know, the same people trying to send Shingen to an even earlier grave, the same Shingen who defended Yoshimoto when his vassals badmouthed him, scaring the hell out of them. The same Shingen who, despite the drastic odds, continues to fight until his last breath. Such a contrast there.

If Yoshimoto is so perceptive of people, I find it hard to believe he is unaware of Shingen’s illness. They are family, but as of writing this, at chapter seven, it seems like he doesn’t even truly care for him, or is grateful for all the things the people who actually cares for him has done for him. He claims to desire to so badly be free, but with all the cards in his favor, he just chucks them away and surrenders! WHY?!

This has been a pet peeve of mine for a while: Why must MC continuously be the guy’s personal therapist? Why can’t her presence be enough to just knock some sense into them and make the guys want to improve because they want to, and not because of MC’s constant cheerleading? It is completely exhausting having to lift someone up who just slumps themselves and makes no effort to move until you pester them to oblivion to move. Not the ripe situation for romance!

I was really hoping for Yoshimoto’s route to take another direction… One of Yoshimoto perhaps finding his true passions, of shedding his previous warlord life, of completely romancing MC, of their love for art creating such a sweet, wholesome bond that gives Yoshimoto the answers he is looking for in himself, the clue to help him feel whole and heal from his past trauma… But no. He prances around like he is so powerless, that his vassals completely got him under lock and key. Since Yoshimoto clearly moves to his own rhythm, I know he wouldn’t care at all about things like status or power, since his only love, after all, is art. So, what is actually holding him back, for real? I say HIMSELF. His TRAUMA. Instead of seeking to heal from it, he just further chains himself up, leaving poor MC having to frivolously pick at the locks that just keep growing in number, and all because “he is so beautiful”.

After the intro chapters, his chemistry with MC completely fell off for me. It went from a cute budding romance to MC being the person Yoshimoto dumps all his woes for.

Hell, in the starting chapters, I forget which number, but Shingen even asks multiple times if MC has fallen out of love with Yoshimoto for many sorts of things that would make romance not the best idea to pursue. But somehow, MC just nods and continues on, claiming how she cares for Yoshimoto so much, but at this stage, their romance doesn’t even feel all that fleshed out, and all the bits of info she receives should at least make her start to think more about her relationship with Yoshimoto.

For all the hate Motonari’s route gets, at least MC’s relationship with Motonari felt more fleshed out in comparison to her relationship with Yoshimoto. She didn’t immediately fall in love with Motonari. Hell, when she was starting to catch feelings for his snarky self, she even stated multiple times how this made no sense, how he was such a jerk, etc… You know, like how one would feel if they fell in love with the bad boy who has yet to soften up all the way. Most of the times, Moto barks more than he bites with MC, and he is an antagonist, he is not supposed to be portrayed in the same light as the protagonists, same with Kennyo.

Yoshimoto, however, unfortunately does not have that excuse. The bulk of his route felt more to me like he was dragging an MC who was blindly smitten with him through all his problems, having her have to deal with all of it. Again, exhausting, and completely not fair to MC. If I was actually the MC, I would have lost feelings for him long ago in his route… Which I did, and which makes scrapping through his route so painful…

The only thing that is making his route halfway bearable for me is, surprisingly, not the character you would expect. (Sorry Shingen and Motonari-)

It is Ranmaru.

Somehow, someway, Yoshimoto’s route for me turned into Ranmaru’s route. Ranmaru started to have far more chemistry with MC after the intro chapters, and their moments have just been… oh my goodness, those moments are the only reasons I seek to complete the route now.

Appreciation for those moments might be set for another post, since this one has gone long enough.

Suffice to say, I am extremely disappointed in Yoshimoto’s route. I was really hoping for a Motonari plot twist, but so much has happened thus far that just has me completely disinterested in his story since it is so self-defeatist.

I do not think I am going to do this route again for a long time. It for me has just been too much of a pain to go through, and since it takes about a month for F2P players to clear a route, I rather read a route of more interest than this one.

Such a pity. I was really rooting for you here, Yoshimoto, but you just let me down, which is why, for the sake of continuing to follow one of my rules, I am not going to refer to your route in any future works of mine I may feature you in. I feel as if the route could have been handled so much better, and that Yoshimoto deserves a more optimistic story, one that would have the soil just right for romance to truly grow and blossom beautifully.

After all, seeds of pain can only generate more agony.

*Added more Info, after reading a bit more and choosing Yoshimoto’s dramatic route and getting more data on him:*

Annnd it just. Keeps. Getting. Worse! So apparently it seems he has ties to the shogun, which is why he turned “traitor” (he really was faking it this whole time, everyone!). My earlier point still remains. Yoshimoto apparently is a tactical genius, able to change the course of war to his liking… With such an ability, why the hell side with the shogun to begin with? Why not side with alliance? I think Yukimura put it clearly how I’m feeling about Yoshimoto:

And apparently, I haven’t even touched on the most annoying thing… The way Yoshimoto is so quick to deny his affection towards MC, which makes her intense infatuation with him even more unbelievable. Just three words would make a world of difference, but he continuously pushes her away, which is even more annoying. How do you still like a man who makes such an effort to refuse to acknowledge his love for you? Again, if I was infatuated by him, that infatuation would have been burnt to a crisp at MC trying time and time again to get into Yoshimoto’s heart, but he just refuses to yield for the most inane of reasons. Yoshimoto is his own worst enemy, period, and is so stuck in his thoughts, in his perceptions that he completely lost the plot and forgets how he has many people who support him that will help him break free.

He is shown time and time again to continue to value art over everything else, which absolutely does my head in. Like, priorities, Yoshimoto, you need to first get some help from your clearly deeply rooted trauma, because unless you do that, there is just no way forward, you are always going to be stuck as that trapped little boy.

This route is just so bizarre to me in many ways, though the most prominent, besides how self-defeatist Yoshimoto is, is how in the world is this the environment for any romance to grow? Yoshimoto is very clearly in a place where that is the last thing he needs, or seems to even want, according to the plot. I just wanted to shake MC constantly and tell her to leave him to his fancy nicknacks and go with someone who clearly loves her and is not afraid to show it. (*ahem* RANMARU!)

I personally just did not find this route appealing at all. It was such a pain to get through, and the only parts I looked forward to was every scene Yoshimoto was not a part of. His entire attitude throughout the route, how he continued to deny MC of any romance until the very end, and even then that was just ugh considering everything that happened prior… I, absolutely, hated this route. I can’t wait until I finish it so I can read another one that’s more palpable.

This route just left me frustrated and absolutely hating Yoshimoto’s guts, which is why in my future works I will not be referring to it. I absolutely loathed his portrayal here. I’m just gonna leave these screenshots as the ending to this long rant, because the frustration is real.

The fact I am agreeing with these two antags that I can’t stand speaks volumes of Yoshimoto’s portrayal in this route. Just, ugh, no more. Please.

[delusion-of-negation]

Hi! So I just recently came across the info that you have DID, and I wanted to ask - is this a blog for all alters/parts in your body or are you just one of them/the host?

This isn't meant to be rude or something, I'm just curious

I don't take it as rude, don't worry! I hope you don't mind that I'm answering it publicly, just figured it might be useful for other folks who want to ask similar questions. first of all, language like "host" or "original", or even the "protector/persecutor" categories, don't apply very well to my situation, and I'd prefer if people didn't use them to refer to any alters here. we definitely don't have an original (more responding to other people there than you, obviously you didn't say that), it happened long before we ever integrated a singular identity - so it makes no sense to ask who the original is, it's like seeing a person who was born without legs and asking which leg left first. and it's kind of similar regarding hosts, being polyfragmented means we aren't some easily described system of ten people you can track and then say Fronter McGee gets the most screentime, y'know? the term host is too simplistic for what's going on with us (I made this complaint once and somebody said "I just take host to mean whoever is controlling the body right now :)" and it was like ma'am that's not what the term means, the term for that is to front, the host is the boss who typically fronts the most and sits in the big boy chair with a fancy desk and a pipe). we don't have a host, we do have a big handful of alters who are more closely "related" to each other, for lack of a better word (it's really hard to explain this stuff, and I don't want to go on eight different rants in this one reply), who front more often than some of the more distant or specific alters (ones with very specific triggers, for example), but to call them hosts would be stretching the definition of the word, given how many of them there are and how little their role or behaviour resembles that of a traditional host. as for the categories, we just don't fit neatly into them, and they always felt to me like I was doing the DID version of a buzzfeed personality quiz when I tried to use them. I'm sure they work for some people and help them to articulate an experience, but I just don't vibe with them. so yeah, sorry this got long, but I figured since you used one of those words (and only one, I know, they're just all commonly used ones), I'd just take the opportunity to mention that I don't like them and would appreciate them not being used. this blog is for anyone, we're not the type to be very rigid in who's allowed to post where, because of various issues (both related and unrelated to those already mentioned, and I'm too lazy to list them all), but there are alters who prefer to use other blogs that have themes more akin to what they like to post or what they want to see on their dash or whatever. and similarly, none of those blogs are locked from anyone else. overall, we tend to find it easier to take a more wishy-washy approach than to be like "this is who's out right now, they can only use these accounts, they aren't allowed to steal my ice-cream!" otherwise we'd be micromanaging more than your average business owner. alters who might say something truly out of character for this blog know it'd be a dick move to the rest of us to do that, and would probably get them shit from my followers anyway, so they don't do that, and similarly I don't go on their yandere blog and go "actually I kinda prefer people give me space" for the same reason. mutual respect, I think, is a better system for us than each person having wholly differentiated spaces, especially with the amount of blurring and fragmentation and such we suffer from. so yeah, to answer your question, it's open to anyone, but most typically used by a select group of alters for various reasons.

[angstfactory]

💭

💭 - when did you realise you were lgbt?

"I wish I could say it was any specific moment in time. Or that I considered any of it normal, either. Nobody in my family was like that, I was from a conservative area-- I didn't have much exposure to any of that kind of stuff so it was never anything I thought or learned about. My dad was a traditional kind of guy, too. Not a bad one, just traditional. The kind of man that did all those typical 'manly' activities with his sons and made comments about them growing up to be heartbreakers, etc. For the longest time, I never really thought about anyone in that way. I knew I preferred to hang out with other boys and I engaged in the same activities they did, because I wanted to be accepted. Anyone would. I also idolized my big brothers, too-- I tried to copy them all the time. When I saw them go through puberty and start chasing skirts, and how much our dad encouraged them to be 'respectful rascals', I figured that was what I was supposed to do, as well. It didn't really matter that I had no interest in anyone. Once girls started to notice me, I went with the flow of my peers. I remember I once went on a few movie dates with this one red-haired girl, can't remember her name anymore, because my friends kept ragging on me about her crush and that I should... So I did. I stopped doing that after she held my hand. It felt strange and I felt wrong, since I knew I didn't care about her the way she wanted me to.

I wasn't sure if something was wrong with me or not. I guess I felt like there must be, because I didn't have the same interests as my brothers and I couldn't answer my dad whenever he asked what girl I had my eye on. I think he was hoping I was just a late bloomer. But as time went on, I found myself watching other boys. A few would randomly pop up in mind from time to time as I wondered what they were doing in that moment, or if they were thinking about me. Sometimes I felt weird, too. Like my stomach would churn, my hands would get clammy, my throat would close up... I would get nervous. I didn't really know what all of this meant, but I knew it wasn't normal. I never heard my brothers talk about anything like that-- not around other boys, anyway.

And then the stable boy happened. He wanted to earn some extra cash to help his family out, so my dad would let him come over to help with our chores. We clicked immediately. It was so easy to talk with him, laugh with him. It quickly got to a point where I was counting the days until he'd be back around, because I missed him so much. I thought we were just best friends and I know I was lying to myself. I didn't want to focus on why I memorized everything about him, right on down to the way he talked to the flecks of green in those blue eyes. It was different with us, though, because I could feel that he felt the same way. I could see him looking at me, I could feel him standing too close. And I never once thought to recoil or ask him to stop. Not even the day we tripped into the hay together and he rolled on top of me. It was hard to stop kissing each other after that. We cared more about stealing time together than our chores. We'd run off for hours at a time and nobody would know what we were doing. I'm not sure what anyone would think if they did. What my dad would think... my family.

It didn't last. His family moved away and I was left alone again with a newfound understanding of myself. Now I knew the answer to so many of my questions, yet I had no idea what to do. I was afraid of what people would think if they found out. Especially my dad. He was so invested in me finding a good woman to settle down with, give him some grand babies... How was I supposed to tell him I didn't want any of that? How could I say I was gay? So I did what was easiest and I kept it to myself. I was too much of a coward to say anything and give my family the respect they deserve in knowing who I truly was. I thought I was protecting them and myself. I thought I could even make it all go away. And now it's too late. I'll never have that opportunity to talk to any one of them about this. I'll never get to know if my father would be proud of me, regardless.

He was a good man, though. I know that much. As I get older, I see the things I never noticed when I was younger. Like how much he loved us, how much he risked and sacrificed on the daily. And to tell you the truth... I don't think he'd care who I loved, ultimately. I think he'd only care that I was happy. It's taken me a long time to come to that understanding, but I know it's true.

He would have really liked Jason. Mom too."