#anyway i saw a post a while ago about prayers that can be said. for people who aren't muslim. and i think i saved it

[ashleyh713fanfics]

Dazai x Odasaku!Sister

Chapter 2 "I Could Really Go For Some Curry"

Summary: After Dazai lost the previous bet, he is now officially Odasaku's little sister's boyfriend. But does she really know what she's asking for? How could she want to date a demon?

Warning: Self destructing Dazai, Odasaku death mentions, slight bsd wan content mention, manipulative behavior from both sides. I gave Oda's sister a name but you can imagine it as y/n.

(This is chapter two of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. It carries on from the three part intro I posted a couple days ago. I'll link it below to fully understand the story. )

Three Part Intro Here: (just cause the first chapter is so long) Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

A03 Version Here:

Word count: 5k

----

Walking down the long port mafia corridors, Dazai placed his hands inside of his pockets before tuning out the world around him in order to fully envelop himself in his own dark thoughts. 

Last night's events appeared a moment later, causing the boy’s eyes to narrow with distasteful memory. He didn’t mean to agree to Odasaku’s sister's foolish request for him to be her boyfriend, it just sort of happened in the moment. 

And the longer he got from that moment, the more Dazai Osamu regretted it. 

Now don’t be mistaken, it wasn’t like he actually cared about the girl. The mafioso knew he was incapable of such a thing. Sure, he was enticed but it was surface level at best. The truth was, if she was anyone else Dazai would’ve already broken her for fun. 

But it was the fact that she was Odasaku’s sister that made him hold back from such a desire. He knew deep down that his old friend wouldn’t have wanted her to be destroyed, especially by his fingers. Hell, the boy knew he wouldn’t have wanted Dazai anywhere near her. 

That’s what Ango said, why Oda had kept her a secret, why he kept her out of Yokohama and by giving into her request he knew he was already dishonoring his memory in the worst possible way. 

But try as he may, Dazai just couldn’t walk away, knowing that a piece of his precious found family was still here in this world. He had wished for it, craved it with his entire soul as he grieved his death. 

And like a miracle, Asagao had appeared to answer his prayer. 

That’s why he agreed, it wasn’t because of her, it wasn’t because he had grown a heart suddenly, it was to use her. It was to keep Odasaku in his life no matter how small. 

He was selfish, so unbelievably selfish, wanting more than he deserved.

But even the brutal port mafia executive knew that his reasonings were fucked up. He knew that he shouldn’t be manipulating such a pure soul into his own whims. But how else was he supposed to do it? Dazai only knew how to exploit and control.

Pushing his fingers to his chin in silent thought, Dazai paused his steps. He supposed he could play the part of a devolved lover while using her. That’s what she wanted anyways, right? She did ask him to be her boyfriend. But how could he do that without being manipulative and underhanded in order to not shame Odasaku?

He then thought back to his past “relationships” before frowning to himself. Now that he mentioned it, the boy never did anything besides that. He always just used women when he saw fit and left them crying once he was finished with his physical needs.

Well that wasn’t gonna work. 

Damn it, being a good person was harder than he thought. 

Although that’s when a familiar voice broke through his personal bubble as a flash of annoying orange crossed his vision. “Hey, shitty Dazai. What are you doing standing in the damn way like that? You finally figure out how insufferable you are?” 

Already feeling a sense of dread in his throat, Dazai then looked up from his solitude in order to focus on his idiot partner in front of him. And just like that, any deep thought flew from his mind in order to participate in his favorite activity. 

Pissing the kid off. “Wooow, that’s a big word for you Chuuya, I didn't know you had it in you, considering you’re so small..”

Already seeing his eyes twitch in response, Chuuya’s face filled with anger in order to reach forward and grab onto Dazai’s jacket with a rough shout. “Ha?! I dare you, say that to me again jackass and see what happens!!” 

The boy only smirked though, enjoying the pure reaction he got. Chuuya never failed to bring him entertainment. He was the best toy around. Every word that got under his skin was like music to the demon’s ears.

And although he wouldn’t ever admit it, Dazai knew that his partner brought life to the boring mediocrity of his sad pathetic life, if only for a moment. They were the closest thing each other had to the term “friends”, in a fucked up, manipulative, forced to be together kinda way. 

Yet even so, Dazai couldn’t help but enjoy poking fun at the boy. Perhaps it was because Chuuya was so human to him while he was the opposite? 

Turning his head up in challenge, Dazai then indeed dared. “What, am I too tall for you to understand me the first time? Can’t hear me all the way from up here, Chuuya? Or should I say petite mafia?” 

Then all at once, Dazai reveled in the boy’s face, his eyes practically bulging from his skin as he tightened his grip on the bandaged boy with unmatched fury. “P-Petite?! Who are you calling petite, you social misfit!”

Shaking the boy around a couple times, Chuuya then seemed to realize the manipulation before roughly letting go of his shitty partner with an aggravated sigh. “God, the first thing I have to see once I get back is your shitty face? Talk about bad luck.” 

Dazai only nodded in response though, his shoulders moving in a disgruntled shrug. “You’re telling me. I was enjoying my day until you came along and ruined it.”

And for once, it seemed like the boy’s agreed on something, Chuuya’s eyes immediately moving past the bandaged annoyance in order to shove his hands into his pockets. “Well that makes two of us, shitty mackerel. Now get out of my way. I gotta go inform the boss about the mission. Do me a favor and go kill yourself while I’m gone.” 

Yet that’s when Dazai’s eyes sparkled with pure joy for his partner’s dark request, lifting his hands up in an excited and bubbly wave. “Say less!” 

Realizing his words had the opposite effect, Chuuya then paused for a moment before closing his eyes with an exasperated mutter. “Such a pain in my ass, I swear.” 

Of course he’d be happy about that kinda request, the sick bastard. 

And as Chuuya started to leave, Dazai couldn’t help but lower his eyes in silent thought. What would his partner say to Odasaku’s odd request to be good? Would he laugh at him, would he tell him that it was impossible? The boy didn’t know. 

Chuuya was always so real and human, surely he would be able to treat Oda’s sister with the care that she deserved. If he was in Dazai’s position the boy would’ve probably had a million ideas on how to go about Asagao’s ridiculous request. 

But he wasn’t Chuuya, he wasn’t human, he was something else entirely. 

Something wrong.

Dazai knew he didn’t have the capacity or ability to carefully hold Odasaku’s greatest treasure between his fingers and not crush her. He was inadequate and insufficient in every possible way.  

Allowing his voice to escape a moment later, Dazai turned towards the red haired kid slowly. “Hey Chuuya..” 

The boy only expected another insult though, his shoulders immediately going rigid in order to turn back with a high pitched short. “What?!” 

And for a moment, Dazai remained silent, willing the words to his mind. How do I be good? How can I honor Odasaku’s wish when I’m so defective? How can I be more human like you?

Pushing his lips together in order to suck in a heavy breath, the boy then dropped his hands before giving Chuuya a tight forced smile. “Nothing, never mind.” 

Chuuya paused at that though, his head turning at the strange new atmosphere only for Dazai to add playfully. “I was just going to say that your outfit today is super tacky. Where did you get it from again? The emo bargain bin?” 

Then all at once, all the concern seemingly drained from Chuuya’s face in order for it to be replaced by pure visceral hatred. “You..that’s it you bandaged wearing freak! I’m gonna make you regret that!!” 

And as he watched Chuuya stalk over to him in order to wash the unpleasant feelings and emotions from his mind the boy smiled bitterly. Who was he kidding? He could never ask such a ridiculous thing. 

Dazai knew the answer already anyways. 

He knew that anything other than this was impossible for him. 

Asagao would be disappointed in him also, just like he knew Odasaku was. 

-----

Humming to herself, Asagao skipped through the kitchen, mentally making a checklist of everything in her mind before turning towards the clock on the left in order to physically jump and try to hype herself up. 

It was almost time, everything had to be perfect.

The girl then frowned to herself in order to place a hand to her head in confusion. There was something she was missing. But what could it be? It’s like it was on the tip of her tongue. 

Rubbing her face, Asagao’s face then lit up with realization before quickly grabbing the large framed glasses by the counter in order to shove them back on her face.Then all at once, the familiar blurry sight reappeared like magic causing her to sigh in relief.

Ah, that was a close one.

The last thing she wanted was to ruin this with her freakish clever eyes.

Just then, she heard the doorbell ring only for Asagao to quickly hurry to the surface and throw it open with an excited gasp as she beamed. “Osu! There you are! You really came back! Ah, I’m so happy! Come in, come in, make yourself at home!” 

The boy himself felt rather whiplashed by the sudden joy, his fingers reaching up to the doorframe and leaning forward with a cocky smirk in order to invade her personal space. “Ah, Asa-chan. You missed me that much? I’m flattered, really.”  

He expected her to blush at the distance yet the girl only nodded her head like the answer was obvious to her. “Of course! I’ve been thinking about it all day. This is the first time someone’s actually come back when promised they would. Why wouldn’t I be happy about that?” 

Her words were rather sad but it didn’t show on her face, causing Dazai’s eyes to watch her curiously. It was like she didn’t allow the reality of her words to fully register inside her brain. Was that some kind of coping mechanism or something? It certainly seemed like it. 

She did that a lot, with Odasaku’s death and now with that depressing revelation. 

So much so, Dazai couldn’t help but tease her about it, not knowing how to do anything else. Sure, a good person would’ve felt pity or tried to reassure her about it, but that wasn’t something that the boy was capable of. 

Turning his head in fake sympathy, he mocked. “What a pitiful little thing you are, darling. I bet you were so lonely back home, what with no friends or family. My heart is bleeding for you.”

He hit her where it hurt, knowing that it would garner a reaction of some sort. Perhaps once she realized who she was letting into her home then she would rethink this entire ridiculous agreement and run away like she should’ve in the first place. 

Yet Dazai was certainly surprised when Asagao replied a moment later with absolutely no annoyance or sadness. No, she only looked rather unbothered about it. “Your bet is correct! To put it plainly, everyone back home hated me. The minute I stopped masking and took off my glasses they ran for the hills!” 

He then watched in stunned silence as she gave a carefree girlish giggle of unbothered misery in order to turn around from Dazai and walk back into Odaskau’s old apartment. “Now what are we standing out here for? Come on, the foods gonna get cold if we wait anymore..” 

Watching her disappear into the room, the boy couldn’t help but remain quiet, feeling his fingers fall from the doorframe and down by his side. He thought for sure she’d get mad at him or cry about his little comment. 

But it was just like before, she didn’t register his words, like her mind didn’t allow her to. 

Damn it, she was the complete opposite of Chuuya. She wasn’t hot headed or pathetically reactive. This was new territory, something he wasn’t used to at all. 

Because of that, the mafioso then frowned before forcing himself into the familiar apartment with unsure and uneasy steps. He didn’t like this, the feeling of not being in control. He needed to get it back and fast. 

Yet the further he got into Odasaku’s place, he felt his heart twist with familiar pain and grief. The ghosts of the past were back, circling around him as he reluctantly sat at his usual place, his fingers touching the cold wooden table with a sigh. 

It was just before, everything felt empty here. 

Although that’s when the fifteen year old looked up only to find a steaming bowl of curry in front of him as his eyes couldn’t help but widen in memory, recalling Odasaku’s last words to him. 

Holding on for dear life, Dazai felt his knuckles turn white as he watched his only friend, the only man who understood him slip from life. “People live to save themselves, it’s something they realize before they die, huh?” 

Then the boy watched as Oda’s lips formed into a small smile as his eyes fluttered close, his voice hoarse and hauntingly final. “I could really go..for some..curry..”

Blinking back to reality, Dazai stared at the seemingly mundane dish before his fingers curled against the table with unexplainable emotion. And if the boy knew how to cry or even what that concept was, he knew he’d be sobbing at this very moment. 

Luckily though, the suffocating feeling was overtaken when Asagao slid into the spot across from him before smiling happily in order to pick up her chopsticks. “I hope you don’t mind, Oda’s letters didn’t say what your favorite food was so I just picked mine. Ah, I’m so excited. I could really go for some curry right now.” 

And the moment the words left her lips, Dazai’s head immediately snapped up with anxious desperation he couldn’t hide. She had just said the same thing Odasaku did, she just said his last words. Didn’t she know the weight they had?  

Just hearing them again, it felt like he was here right now. It was like his best friend was telling the boy that he was still around in her eyes. It was overwhelming, the empty hole inside his heart suddenly becoming full with a feeling he thought was lost the day he died. 

Asa seemed to notice his silence though, her head turning in concern. “Do you not like curry? Ah, sorry, I didn’t ask first. If you tell me what you like I can make it next time. I’m a pretty good cook, you know?” 

Dazai only shook his head though, feeling the very familiar fifteen year old pathetic kid overtake him in order to whisper back a sad broken reply. “N-No…I like it…” 

And thankfully, Asagao didn’t point out the uncharacteristic tone, her head only nodding in confirmation before changing the subject, something that Dazai was incredibly grateful for. 

Mostly because he knew he was falling apart by the second. “Since you’re here, I thought we could talk about our agreement last night. Like go into specifics and such..” 

Shoving down the unruly emotion in his throat, the boy recalled back to his statement before pushing his head up with forced interest. What was she talking about, what did she want him to do? Because whatever it was Dazai knew she was looking in the wrong place. 

A loyal boyfriend, a lovesick fool, a cheesy romantic? Yeah, that wasn’t gonna happen. Sure, he could fake those kinds of things but only for so long. She was so passionate about wanting him last night. What a delusional girl. 

He already knew he wouldn’t be able to offer anything of value. 

Turning his head in fake flirty intent, Dazai lowered his eyes sensually, hoping it would make her uncomfortable. “Specifics? Ah, Asa-chan you're so dirty. What did you have in mind?” 

Asa only put her hand up in response though, stopping whatever depravity he was implying. “Now, I don’t want you to be mistaken, I know I asked you to be my boyfriend but I wouldn’t expect you to do any of that mushy touchy stuff or anything like that. I know that’s not your style anyways and I don’t wanna force you into something uncomfortable.” 

At that, the boy couldn’t help but drop the act, his eyes turning in confusion. What? If she didn’t want that mushy crap then why did she even ask for all this in the first place? She said that she had fallen for him. Was that a lie?

Although that’s when Asagao shrugged her shoulders plainly. “I mean let’s be honest here, the only reason you're here is because you’re using me.”

Feeling his fingers pause on his chopsticks, Dazai paused in order to look up at her innocently in order to try to fool her. “Oh, am I?” 

Asa wasn’t fooled though, the girl only humming back. “Mhmm. I’m useful to you because I’m related to Oda and if I was anyone else you wouldn’t have ever agreed.” 

Then all at once, Dazai felt his stomach drop in guilt for his own black soul.

Shit, she had read him. She had seen through his real intentions so quickly. Well of course she did, Odasaku did say that her world spun as fast as his. But then that begged the question, if Asagao knew about his cruel intent, why was she still humoring him?

He received his answer a moment later, watching as Asagao simply placed her chopsticks down in order to turn her eyes back at him with cruel and calculating vigor. 

“Ah, don’t worry about it. If you must know, I’m using you also, Osamu.” 

And even though her eyes were blocked by the large rimmed glasses on her face, Dazai already knew what kind of expression was underneath. She was looking at him just like last night back in that alley. He remembered it in an instant. 

That cruel hollow look she showed him before, it was the same now. He knew it was.

It was like she was eying some kind of prey, and unlucky for him Dazai seemed to be the one on the menu today. So they both had plans to use each other? That was her play? How interesting. 

Allowing her to continue, Asagao then lifted her hands up before speaking with precise precision. “We both want what each other can offer. We both are searching for my brother in different ways and think we can find it in each other. That’s why I suggested our partnership in the first place. Because it would be mutually beneficial.” 

Twisting her lips into a sly calculating smirk, Asagao then placed her fingers underneath her chin in order to lean forward and finish. “Besides, once I found out how connected you two were, I knew I wasn’t going to let you go. I’m sure it’s the same for you, right, Osu?” 

And it was, it was the exact same, so much so that he didn’t want to admit it. Odasaku was right, they did have the same minds. They both saw each other as chess pieces on a board and collected each other for their own personal games. 

They both had plans to use each other in order to will Oda Sakunosuke back to life. 

So much so, Dazai felt his entire tone shift, allowing the demon prodigy to overtake the conversation and his eyes to darken with sickening glee. “Ah, you got me Asa-chan. Nothing gets past you, does it? What do you suggest then? What can you offer to me?”

Asagao didn’t seem to mind though, her entire demeanor calm even though she was making a deal with the devil. “You come over every once in a while and tell me stories about my brother and in exchange I’ll show you a letter in return for each one. That way we both keep him in our lives.” 

Waving her hand away, the calculating aura then dissipated slightly in order to smile sweetly in the direction of his hollow empty eyes. “And once I stop becoming useful to you then you are free to throw me away and move on. Although, I do ask that when you decide to do so, you don’t tell me. I absolutely despise endings. I like to live more in the moment then think about the horrors of the future.” 

Her offer was tempting to say the least, with it he would be able to use the girl as he pleased for his own desire while she did the same. He wouldn’t have to change his underhanded and manipulative ways because Asagao would be fully aware of what he was trying to do. 

It seemed perfect, too perfect actually. Was Odasaku’s sister really okay with them using each other and then throwing them away when the time was up? Sure, he would be able to do it no problem but Dazai wasn’t sure about her.

What if in doing so he managed to crush her accidentally? He didn’t trust himself not to. Not at all. Hell, Dazai knew the damage he could do if left to his own devices. 

Pushing his hand underneath his chin in silent thought, the boy’s lethally dangerous gaze then followed her as he made his way around the table and into her space.“And what if I shatter your poor little heart in the process? Like I said, I’m not a good man, sweetheart. I know you said you’d be fine with me breaking you, but have you really thought about what that really means?” 

Yet try as he may, Asagao was not shaken, her shoulders simply shrugging to his very obvious threat in order to turn and meet him halfway. “If you’re trying to scare me it’s not going to work.”

The boy only hummed though, his fingers reaching forward in order to trail a calculating line across her cheek. “Isn’t it? What if I told you that your big brother wouldn’t approve of you hanging around me so much?” 

And for a moment, Asagao froze, but it wasn’t because of his touch, her eyes moving down before answering back less confident than before.  “.. I don’t believe that. My brother wouldn’t have written about you so much if he didn’t want me to know about you.” 

She believed that with her whole heart, knowing that Oda’s letters held so much love and care for the fifteen year old boy. If her brother didn’t want her to find Osu then he wouldn’t have ever said anything. 

He must have known how much it meant to her, to have someone to relate to after so many years. Of course she’d never actually know though, considering Asa never had the opportunity to ask him. Everything was just an assumption, but this was one assumption she was actually confident about. 

Dazai didn’t seem to think so though, Ango’s poisonous warnings still fresh in his ears. 

“You asked why Oda never mentioned her to you. It’s because destruction and corruption follows you everywhere, Dazai. He knew how black your soul is and what you could do to her if given the chance. The demon prodigy has no place out of the darkness, and I'm sure you know that also.”

He knew his best friend more than anyone, even more than her. Of course he didn’t want Dazai near her. If he did then he would’ve told him about her years ago. And here he was, dishonoring his memory because he was too god damn selfish to live in a world without him. 

So much so, he urged for her to understand how wrong she was. 

Trailing his fingers down, Dazai then darkened before latching his thumb and forefingers onto her chin in order to force her head towards his with a rough display. He felt the tips of his nails dig into her pretty pink cheeks in order to dip his head down until they were mere inches apart. 

Then all at once, the port mafia executive allowed every bit of evil to show in his eyes before speaking cruelly across the space just above her lips with a cruel hovering smile. “Yes, but hearing about me and actually being here are two completely different things, darling. I’m sure Odasaku didn’t expect you to be near so much danger so willingly, so eager to give yourself to the darkness.” 

He left her there in the madness, in that helpless controlless position, waiting for her to break away or cry for his rough movements. No, she needed to walk away, she needed to go because he wasn't going to. He didn’t have the strength to do something so kind. 

Feeling his fingers dig further into her flesh with unsaid desperation, Asagao’s lips then began to move between the space underneath his, her breath coating the distance as she spoke. “You don’t have to do this, Osamu. I already understand. I understand that you don’t want to lose the last piece of my big brother you have left. You’re scared, scared that you’ll be left with nothing again..” 

Dazai's eyes then flashed with anxiety before pulling away only slightly in order to see Asagao’s warm reassuring smile. “Have some faith in me, Osu. I’m not as fragile as you might think.” 

Feeling his heart twist and turn in every single unpleasant direction, his fingers started to turn numb between her skin. She already knew what he was trying to do, she knew he was giving her a way out and still wasn’t taking it. 

That’s when Dazai felt his entire body tense as he felt her fingers reach forwards in order to cover his hand with her own before closing her eyes in equal emotion to what he was feeling. 

And when she spoke, it was so sincere and honest, shaking him to his entire core. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Almost immediately, he felt his fingers snap back from hers, not liking the close contact before he leaned away with wide eyes. What was she saying?

 Touching someone else was child’s play for him but he never liked it when someone did it back. It was too vulnerable, too exposed. And it was the same here, the boy trying his best not to show the pure panic on his face.  

What she just said, she didn’t mean it anyways. She couldn't have. Everyone always disappeared from him, everything eventually slipped through his fingers. How dare she make such a ridiculous promise. How dare she give him hope that it will be different this time. 

It wasn’t different with Odasaku and it won’t be different with his precious little sister. 

Because of that, Dazai’s voice couldn’t help but come out bitter, knowing better than anyone how unfair the world was to him. “You don't know that.” 

Asa then paused before putting a finger to her lips in silent thought before answering back with a nod of understanding. “Well no, I guess I don’t. I can’t predict the future or anything. But why do we gotta think that far ahead? Why can’t we just enjoy the time we have right now?” 

Oda’s sister then closed her eyes before thinking about the meaning of her own words. Perhaps Osamu was right, perhaps things would turn out bad for them in the end. But if that was the price she had to pay to finally get closer to her brother, she knew she would gladly take it tenfold. 

Besides, if there was a possibility of things ending horribly then that meant there was also a possibility that things could do the opposite. And whether it was foolish or not, Asagao chose to focus on the impossible odds that this could work out okay. 

Then she opened her eyes before smiling softly. “For today, all you have to worry about is being yourself and I’ll do the same. It’s as simple as that.” 

Picking up her chopsticks once more, Asagao then beamed before purposely changing the subject before he could disagree with her positive statement. “Now go on, tell me a story about my brother. I’m dying to hear one!” 

But for Dazai, the boy felt his fingers curve into his bandaged arms with an emotion he didn’t know he possessed. He thought that Oda’s sister would’ve been disappointed by him and maybe that would be true in the future but today it seemed that wasn’t the case. 

And that was enough to make him strangely happy, feeding into the delusion automatically in order to look down at the curry on the table. “Well, one night we were talking and Odasaku thought I mentioned curry so I told him that we should cook one night and make one all together..”

He then watched as Asagao leaned further into the table, absolutely entranced by his every word like it was her life support. “Oooh what kind were you going to make?” 

Feeling his lights start to light up with memory, Dazai recalled the conversation with ease. “Well at first I suggested that we all bring something and put it in a pot, but then I got the idea to make my world famous special superhuman stamina hot pot! It’s made with leftovers from my last superhuman hot pot that I accidentally burned mixed with vinegar and tabasco that’s wrapped and concealed with kindness and love!” 

The boy then chuckled to himself as Asagao gasped in pure awe. “Wow, that’s a lot of ingredients!” 

Nodding back happily, Dazai beamed. “I know, right?! But out of all the ingredients love is the most important part. You can’t forget that!” 

The girl then pushed another bit of curry into her mouth before swallowing with an excited reply. “Wait, what did my brother and Ango say about it though?”

Pushing his hands on the table, the boy let another chuckle escape his lips, remembering the conversation clear as day. “Ango said that it wouldn’t be good but when he asked Odaskau he said..” 

Asa then watched as his words gave out completely, his eyes softening in order to slump down back into his seat with a sad grief filled smile as she pleaded back. “What did he say?”

The air was solemn, coursing through both of them immediately before Dazai spoke again, except this time it was far quieter than before. “He said… Why wouldn’t it be good? Dazai said so ..”

His face showed with so much admiration and unexplainable sadness that it caused Asagao to soften as well before smiling at the bond the two shared that she would never understand. “It sounds like Oda knew a good hot pot when he heard it.” 

Then all at once, she watches the fifteen year old boy’s face light up with pure joy at Odasaku sister’s words, that small giddy excitement coming back tenfold. “He did!! I mean why wouldn’t it be good?! It’s eye-meltingly, cheek popping-ly good! So Odasaku promised me that he would try it! Ango looked like he wanted to die though! It was so funny..and then..”

And as he spoke stories of his old friend, he couldn't help but soak in Asagao’s responses, her eyes never leaving him even for a moment as he spoke about Odasaku so honestly for the first time since his death. 

She reveled in it just as much as he did, hanging on every word like they were the only things that mattered to each other. And they were, Odasaku’s memory was the most precious thing either one had. 

So much so, Dazai couldn’t help but feel his shoulder relax for the first time in weeks. Feeling that same calm, comfortable peace he did whether he was at Bar Lupin. 

And for a couple delusional moments, Oda somehow felt alive again. 

[imunbreakabledude]

gg4 episode 2 thoughts

spoilers behind the cut

cool challenge + banning ideas both, felt a little less hype watching this one than ep1 but that's not a complaint, there can't always be insane drama in how things play out...

I won't lie, I'm bummed to see Skill Specs out!! mostly because I wanted to see that secret alliance with Torvesta play out for a longer time and and get to see the other players catch on to it... but also because he's just always hilarious to watch in the games. I don't know much about Westham but he seems to be a very legit threat in pvp certainly but will be interesting to see how he fares in those more random game knowledge type things in the future...

however I am thinking/hoping that there's gotta be some more twists coming down the line in a few episodes. I would not be surprised to see another redemption/returning player type twist later in this season like s2 had, because there were fewer people to start with, and also because I think people were shocked by the tribunal/pick your own opponent twists, and now they're settling into the new mindset of "everyone for themselves, just have to win, can't pull any punches" and at least whoever you pick in the banning, if you win, they're out so you don't have to worry about THEM as an enemy (MAYBE their friends? but alliances in general don't work well this season) ... but if people come back? that would really rock the boat...

I dunno though, because I don't think he'll do it exactly as it was in s2, but I am hoping for something to shake it up midseason and maybe throw new players in... we'll see...

also I just have to say while watching that entire banning I was like... why the fuck are they using rigour and augury? then I was like oh, I guess Soup only said "gear and items" that were in the game in 2013, maybe that was an exception? but it was so comical to see them using all this 2013 gear and those bottom row prayers with no question into what they were doing lol... then to hear him call them out for it after... lol it's too bad maybe if Skilly had avoided them he could've won on technicality but... it is what it is... I'm just surprised Soup didn't specify that those were disallowed in the rules up top

i wonder if he also would've called them out if either of them used the spec orb which was not a thing in 2013 (well the orb was added pretty soon after the start of osrs but you could not use it in the wildy until a couple years ago i think)... but it makes sense they wouldn't because pkers never did and still dont afaik since it's slower to go up there and you can't instaspec on a a weapon swtich with it BUT idk i just wonder if he would've disallowed post-2013 interface updates that still only use the mouse lol

actually on that note using the middle mouse button to move the camera would've hypothetically been a "violation" because that was not in osrs at the start either! ... dont remember when it was added but it was pretty early on though

anyways just rambling but I hope Soup saw the potential of that unholy alliance and throws some twist where skilly can come back OR maybe some twist where the eliminated players get to influence the current competition later on and skilly can do something for torvesta and shock everyone... I just wanna see the comedy that would unfold

[someone-called-efg]

before this happens again i decided to draw what i saw and experienced a little over a month ago so incase anyone has anything similar theyre not alone at least, and if its some kinda 'only me' thing, than at least it's documented.

i dont really know what kinda tw to put for this, but assume anything given its about a near death experience

so, back just before valentine's day, a demon somehow ended up in my bedroom. me, wanting to prove im not a coward, did exactly that, and firmly declared my beliefs in the being who created all (for the sake of the post im gonna call said entity god) and its not a lie, even from a young age ive been a strong believer even to the point of getting in trouble for it (i.e. getting in trouble for calling out hypocrisy and trying to do something about it despite being the only one to try) and while my faith has had a lapse when i was a teen, it since got resparked. so, adamantly that the idea of having no faith seems bazar to me.

so, all this to say, when the demon was in my room, it knew i wouldnt give up my faith.

however, one thing ive said on occasion to family is that i dont fear death, and thats still true to an extent. sure, ive had near death experiences before, but ive always been of the opinion that as long as youre right with god than you have no reason to fear dying. and imo that just means not being an asshole.

so, the demon found out i genuinely dont have any fear of death or dying and decided to try to call a bluff that wasnt even there. so, with all its might, it killed me

this is roughly what i believe it looked like, as it gave off this sense of dread i ccouldnt really shake off when in its presence. (yes, the stick figure is meant to be me for size comparison) everything else beside the thousands of mouths was a void. the mouths glowed an inviting white, but as you see, when i got closer, it lead to a void like pit that was its true mouth, rows upon rows of pointed teeth jutting to the center that only got darker and darker the closer i looked.

then, something happened in my mind that even i cant put into words, because quite frankly, even i dont understand what happened in between everything

then everything went from being in a dark void, to this

an angel came and was so bright i only know its this kind because how many eyes were there. i had to convince the angel that i would be able to cope with being alive after that day, and i was allowed to come back on account that i see a priest and a therapist. (and something i thought was strange to mention that: if you bleed on something, you yourself have to burn it) another part of the agreement was that i post on my socials about the encounter, and while i had done that previously, i figured making as comprehensible of a post as possible now that ive had a bit of time to process it all would be a good idea

so as you can all tell, this it getting very triggering for me.

the week or so that followed that night could be comparable to a personal hell, as any time i wasnt around any human, i would be tormented by the demon in ways that i cant even mention out of fear of t.o.s. as they tried as much as possible to keep me in my room as if to keep me hostage

until one day when i broke down to my mom

she got me holy water from the church and i proceeded to sprinkle it all over while praying as best i could

but since that night ive felt like the worst hypocrite of them all. since i was little i had wished to die, in fact, as a child i had no intention of making it to my double digits, and yet, here i am. and when i was nearly out the door, for some reason i decided to stay.

anyways, even though i went around with holy water and prayer, my bedroom hasnt felt safe, and ive been sleeping in the living room since. because being without privacy means no personal hell. so i see it as a win in my books.

throughout all this, ive seen my faith as this small campfire, and any attack against my faith as gusts of wind that i keep having to protect the flame from so it doesn't get blown out.

[littlefireofhestia]

hi! i'm sage and i was going through the "hestia devotee" tag and found a post of yours that said you were open for questions about her. i don't know how old that post is or if you're still taking questions, you can ignore this if you're not, but since i'm here i wanted to talk/ask about something.

i'm a baby witch (like the babiest of babies, almost a new born) and most of my experience is through reading and watching since i don't currently have time or resources to do any practice other than lighting incenses or candles or working with crystals. and i definitely don't know any form of divination, like tarot or pendulum, that would allow me to do actual deity work and properly communicate with them.

the thing is, i've researched deities from multiple pantheons multiple times, mostly out of curiosity, but the moment i came across a prayer to hestia my heart skipped a beat and i immediately felt a kind of comfort. it could have been nothing, but i still researched all i could about her and just. i've never felt this drawn to a deity before, much less felt a pull to actually worship one. but i feel very much that way about her.

i looked up ways to honour her and i'm genuinely shocked at how happy it's been making me. i'm finding joy in domestic activities i used to loathe, like washing the dishes or helping with house cleaning. i tried baking a cake all by myself for the first time and lit an orange candle for her while doing it. it turned out absolutely delicious, i discovered i actually really enjoy baking and even started my own cook notebook with some of my grandma's old recipes. i make a point to always tie my hair back when i'm doing something that makes me think of her or in her honour, like making tea or baking or making dinner for my family or cleaning, because i saw people talking about how she appreciates veiling but i don't know how to do it so i just tie my hair in a bun instead of putting on a scarf. and i used to hate tying my hair, but now i feel very good about it!

i've always struggled with feeling connected to religion and never really understood how that could bring peace to someone, but i haven't felt this grounded or loving towards my family and pets or in peace with myself as much as i have since i started doing things as acts of devotion to hestia.

now, on to the actual problem: i'm scared it's all in my head. i'm worried i'm not enough of a witch to worship a deity yet, since i'm still trying to learn ways of communication and can't directly ask her if she's with me. i'm scared that the little things i'm doing aren't enough and the comfort and faith i feel while doing them are my imagination and not actually her watching over me and appreciating my effort.

anyways, i'm really sorry for dumping these worries on you but i didn't see many hestia related blogs and i really needed to ask someone about this. is what i'm doing enough of a worship right now? do you have any tips on how to worship her better? thank you!

Hi Sage! I don’t know when you sent this ask so I’m sorry if it’s been a while since you sent it and my response is late. When I read this ask for the first time I nearly cried tears of joy. Before anything I do want to say that you’re doing amazing sweetie!

I’m always open to questions about Hestia.

First off, there is no prerequisite to worshipping deities. I am admittedly not a witch and worship the gods exclusively for religious reasons and not for witchcraft. I have not learned many divination methods yet (although I have used the very handy Greek Alphabet Oracle a few times) and my rituals are still relatively basic, mostly not even occurring on an altar. But I have felt Hestia. I have been in her presence. I have received dreams from other deities and signs. None of this is required to happen to believe in or worship the theoi, but I just want to assure you that beyond doing some research to figure out who you want to pray to and how to do prayer and ritual, there are no prerequisites to worship. My first prayer to Hestia was literally me throwing a scarf over my head and talking to her in the dark with a flashlight to represent a flame. No formal structure. Didn’t even know how to correctly hold my hands yet. And still she accepted me.

The vibe you get from Hestia is very much similar to my experience. I’ve been drawn to her for YEARS but didn’t know I could worship her. But she’s always felt like home and comfort and just right for me. I never ever had a reason why she was my favorite deity before becoming pagan. She just was. My connection to Hestia has been a fact for over a decade that I just didn’t know was religious until a year and a half ago. Me wondering if I could worship her is the reason why I started researching Hellenic Polytheism in the first place. She brought me to this faith and I am so thankful to her for that.

You finding joy in domestic activities you used to hate is something I’ve discovered through Hestia too, although it’s still a journey I’m early on due to depression and physical disability and having a lot of work to do on figuring out how to make things accessible for me. I’m excited to go further for and with Hestia.

I understand the thought about it being all in your head. I had those thoughts early in my practice too. Basically, belief is a process. It takes time to switch from whatever religious thought (or lack thereof) that you grew up with to polytheism and worshipping a variety of deities or even just one deity, and from there to truly believing in them. I’ve been practicing for a year and a half and it probably took me at least nine months to truly feel secure in my faith in the theoi. Research, pray, do ritual, devote acts to the gods, think about the gods, notice the influence of the theoi in your daily life, and gradually that belief will solidify. You may or may not receive signs, which may or may not speed this process up. I promise, if you want to believe in the gods, in Hestia, it just takes time.

Also on feeling that you aren’t doing enough, the video at the bottom of this post (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odhRRYqQo8Y) might help. And I promise: you are doing enough, you are enough, just as you are.

Now as for worship tips. You are honestly doing great so far. Thinking of her while doing household chores and tasks or dedicating those tasks for her is a great way to worship her. I’d also recommend checking out her Homeric and Orphic hymns, one translation of which can be found here, and a copy of the Homeric hymns can likely be found at a local bookstore or definitely through online ordering. The Homeric hymns can also start to teach you some stuff about prayer structure, but prayer doesn’t have to be formal. Sometimes I just sit and talk to Hestia, or to any of my other deities. Tell them about my day, thank them for things in my life or the world, and sometimes asking them for things (although I find that I ask for aid much more rarely than when I prayed as the Catholic I was raised to be). I also have perpetually in progress playlists I have made for my deities, and if I want to spend some non-ritual time just focusing on a deity I’ll put on their playlist and read something religious or talk in religious discords. I actually had my most profound spiritual experience with Hestia while doing this.

Last but not least, worshipping Hestia, or any other deity, is something you have your whole life ahead of you to do. Take it at your own pace. Faith is all about the journey. The destination is irrelevant. There is no deadline or leveling up system, no authority checking your progress. As I have experienced time and time again, the gods will very much meet you where you are. A few months ago I was in a deep depression and did not do any ritual for several months. When I finally did a ritual again, I felt Hestia’s warm hand on my shoulder, as if to say “I miss you, welcome home”. I promise, Hestia will always welcome you home.

P.S. I know this ask is anonymous but Sage, feel free to message me with any additional questions about Hestia or worshipping deities in general. I’m here if you need any more help.

[purecantarella]

Reunited

belated happy Dahyun day! 💓🍞 so this is a tad overdue but here it is HAHAHAH the fic is hella long, over 2k words but i honestly have no clue how it happened?? guess i got carried away. anyway enjoy! disclaimer : this is a three genred fic, so fluff, angst, and smut. viewers discretion is advised, if you're below 18, please find something fluffier or angstier things to read.

Dahyun was incredibly upset with you, and she didn’t want to be, especially not now. It was the eve before her birthday when you told her that you had to miss your date with her to rehearse for your group’s latest comeback. While she didn’t want to be petty, especially since she understood the lifestyle you lead, she was still sad that you weren’t going to be around on her special day for the first time since you got together years ago.

“Are you sure you can’t just escape?” The pale girl asked rhetorically as she lay in the bed, staring at your image on her phone screen. Biting your lip as you stared at her sympathetically gave her all the answers she needed. Your girlfriend sighed sadly, leaning back into the bed. “I know it sucks, sunshine.” A prominent pout appearing on her lips, making you chuckle softly.

You looked around before whispering into you device, “I just want to be with you right now…” Seeing your fellow idol’s pout begin to crack, you continued to flatter her. “Doing everything I want to do to you…” You paused, gauging her reaction. Dahyun had given you her full attention, a sly smirk gracing her lips.

“What would that be, L/n?” She questioned, propping her phone up on her pillow, her hand holding up her chin. Dark chocolate orbs trained intently on you making you grin playfully. “Why cuddle, of course! What else, Kim?” You retorted making her groan out before laughing softly. A satisfied smile finds its way onto your lips.

“There’s my Dahyunie.” You said, making her cheeks tint to a cute pink hue. “I just wanted to see you smile, sunshine. I hate seeing you so upset, especially if I’m the cause.” Dahyun, feeling guilty, stroked your grainy face through her phone. She placed a gentle kiss over the screen, making you chuckle softly, trying to expel the sinking feeling in your chest. As she was close to the screen, she whispered like a prayer, “It’s not your fault.”

Before you could get another word in, your bandmates called out to you, making you cringe and sigh heavily. As she could sense your disappointment, she hushed you and offered you the smile that you fell in love with. “Go! I want to see you do well during your comeback!” Flashing a sad smile, you nodded before getting up and walking over to your bag to put your phone back in your bag. “I love you, Dubu. I’ll talk to you soon, my sunshine.”

The moment the line died, Dahyun fell onto her side feeling bad about herself. She ran a hand through her hair trying to hold back her irrational tears. It’d been months since she last saw you, and it was becoming harder and harder to not miss your soft voice, the way you held her when you cradled her at night, the sweet way you smelled. Just you. The pale Korean simply closed her eyes and dreaded another moment without you in it.

On the other side of Seoul, you stared down at your phone, your beloved ray of sunshine as your lockscreen. You bit the inner layer of your cheek softly before nonchalantly tossing your phone into the piles of bags, swinging your arms back and forth frustrated. When your leader saw you, they couldn’t help but laugh at your expression. You glared at them as you began stretching again.

“Shove off. It’s hard enough that I haven’t seen her in months, makes it worse that I can’t be with her on her birthday.” You breathed out before pushing your hair out of your face. The other idols around you chuckled in their own accord before one said, “She’s turning 23, Y/n. I’m sure she can handle one without you.” You sighed sadly and nodded slowly before proceeding to practice your dance moved to yourself as your other members looked at you, a guilty feeling resonating with them.

After the practice, your members piled over you. You’d been distraught the whole time and it was about time that they did something for you and Dahyun. As you slung your bag over your shoulder, prepared to go home, all of them stopped you. You raised a brow at them, your tired features making them feel worse than they already did.

“Y/n, we’re sorry that you can’t see Dahyun right now—” You cut them off with a tired sigh, the frustration in your chest building more with the explicit reminder. “Yeah, I get it. I’ll get over it.” The group’s leader cut you off hastily by saying, “No, no, we’re legitimately sorry for belittling your problems, and we want to help.”

A small smile began to etch its way onto your lips as you heard what they said. “Help how exactly?” The other members looked at each other, small grins on each of their faces. “You’ll see, N/n-unnie!” Your maknae said dragging you along making you laugh.

The next day, Dahyun rose from her bed tired and managing a slight headache from both the tears and tossing around in bed the night before. Releasing a heavy sigh as she looked down at her phone. With the multiple greetings from her family, her friends, and the Onces, a genuine smile befell her with the sense of sadness that not a single text or post from you came up.

Sana was the first one in the room, a big, happy smile on her face as she ran up to her member and friend excitedly, tackling Dahyun to the bed. Both of them laughed as she wrapped her arms around the Japanese woman.

“Happy Birthday, Dahyun!” She cried out loudly, catching the attention of the other girls as they all began to pile into the room. They all burst out singing, off-tune and loud, causing the celebrant to laugh and clap for them, dancing along to the out of harmony singing. For a moment, the rapper felt truly happy.

“Okay, so after practice today, Dubu…” Jihyo paused briefly, to build up the suspense of the night. “We’re going to dinner, Nayeon-unnie and Momo-unnie are going to buy drinks and we’ll come home and have some fun of our own. How does that sound?” The vocalist offered with her signature gummy smile. Dahyun nodded, looking at the girls around her, feeling grateful for the people here yet she still held hopes that you would find a way to get to you.

Somehow.

But as the day drew on, with no call, no message, no random gift from you, she didn’t feel too hopeful and her morale was obviously low. From getting choreography wrong to not being in the mood to goof off with her other members. Her birthday was turning up to be one of the worst to date.

Dahyun wasn’t hopeful for the dinner but she it’s not like she could skip it. She got ready despite the disappointment that continued to eat at her mood. The rapper got up to see her members who waited patiently outside for her. As she excited her dorm room, the girls cheered and showered her with compliments making the pale skin of her cheeks turning to a bright red, the familiar big smile gracing her face.

“Come on, we don’t want to be late, pretty girl.” Chaeyoung said taking her hand and dragging her out of the dorm, filling the group up with laughter and talking about other things they’d seen or done throughout the day.

At the restaurant, the girls were all giddy while Dahyun couldn’t bring herself to feel the entire party, still sulkily sipping at the spiked iced tea they had ordered. Nayeon, who’d been next to younger girl, nudged her gently. “Cheer up, it’s your special day, Dahyunie.” The bunny-toothed woman gave her a smile, making Dahyun smile gently.

“I’m sorry everyone, I just…I wanted to at least talk to Y/n and she hasn’t—” Before the younger woman could finish her thought, the almost empty establishment sprung to life with a group of seemingly familiar faces in zip-up hoodies, caps, and shades. There were about seven of the unknown people and Dahyun was becoming increasingly nervous.

A single figure stood in the middle, turned around, more hidden from the rest.

“I hope you’re ready for a show, darlings…” The figure turned tossing the hat and the mask to the side. When the speakers burst to life with the voice that Dahyun knew like the back of her hand, she became speechless. Once she got a good look at the performer’s face, the bright smile returned to her face and you returned it.

“To my love, my girl, my sunshine. Happy Birthday.” You smiled and tossed jacket that you were clad in in the direction of your girlfriend, who caught it and held it close to her chest, swooning. Your group began to perform their regular numbers, filled with energy and TWICE began hyping them up. Once the group had burned through two of their songs, ones that you had specifically written for Dahyun.

Then, your band members tossed you a handy guitar. Before you began strumming it, you paced close to the rapper, a fond smile on your face. “When we met, I was a trainee with nothing to my name but a guitar and a passion. You took the time to get to know me and who knew that I would fall madly in love with one of…” You paused to smile at Chaeyoung and your group’s rapper before continuing. “The best rappers in South Korea. That I’d be willing to do the dumbest things and say the cheesiest things because I need you in my life. I love you, Dahyunie.” You were right in front of their table, a smile on your face as Dahyun held back soft tears.

From across the table that was flushed against the back of the restaurant, you took her delicate hand, placing a kiss over the back of her hand. You continued to strum the guitar, for a solo, acoustic cover of ‘What is Love’, making the girls both cringe at you singing their own song but still finding the gesture sweet. After the song ended, Dahyun couldn’t sit patiently anymore. Jumping out of her seat, though with great difficulty, to get to you.

Finally, after months, you dropped the guitar and took her in your arms happily, carrying her and taking in the scent you’d missed so dearly. You placed a kiss softly on her cheek, so happy to be by her side again. “My girl, my precious girl.” You whispered against her ear, pulling her impossibly closer. Dahyun on the other hand, choked back the satisfied sob.

You pushed her away, looking into her eyes and stroking her cheek lovingly. “Happy Birthday, my ray of sunshine.”

Once you were both reunited, the entire dinner Dahyun couldn’t be helped but be latched onto you. While the girls talked to your members, you two were stuck in your own world. Talking about the things you’d missed out on, spoilers for your latest comeback, and of course, just how much you both missed each other.

She hid herself in your neck and left little kisses here and there while your hand busied itself on her thigh, dangerously close to her center. When she knew no one was listening in to both of you, she bit your ear gently. You smirked down at her as an embarrassed flush fell over her face. While Dahyun was the good Catholic girl, she knew what she wanted, and that was long awaited alone time with her girlfriend.

“It’s clear one of us wants it more than the other.” You teased in her ear as you lay another kiss gently on her cheek. Sure, she wasn’t the only one who wanted some, but you weren’t going to let her down that easy. The rapper pouted up at you as you giggled softly as you took her lower lip between yours. It took all your restraint not to pull her onto your lap and take her there and then.

"Wanna get out of here?" You whispered suddenly, you breath tickling her neck. Usually, you’d try to stick it out and Dahyun was the same, not wanting to cause a scene but after months of being apart…you both very much needed some alone time. Without hesitation and with just a wave to all the people present, both of you got up from the overcrowded booth, whispering things to each other while both your groups looked on in horror.

“Love is gross.” Tzuyu said poking her food around.

"And we just lost our ride home." Your group's leader commented.

The moment you left, neither of you could keep your hands off of each other. Getting out of the parking lot alone was an uphill battle all on its own. Your body was tense, her gaze was locked on your perfectly colored lips, and the air around you was so deathly thick.

You couldn’t get to your dorm fast enough.

Upon entering, knowing you were both completely alone, she pushed herself onto you. Pinning you against the wall beside the dorm door. The rapper’s hand trailing to the back of your neck as your lips met in a fiery passion. A desperate moan ripped violently from Dahyun’s chest from your tongue meeting hers. You smirked at the sound as you pulled away leaving kisses to her ear, hands already working on the back of her shirt to unhook her bra.

“Fuck I missed you, princess.” You groaned, moving to kiss her again. Her hand trailed up to thread her fingers into your hair, tugging slightly wordlessly asking for more urgency on your part. Taking the hint, you leaned down to give more attention to the nubs that had now become rather firm because of the cold air. “And these, holy shit they still look good.” You note before your tongue greets them through the fabric.

Dahyun groans at the sudden contact, running her other hand through her hair. “Y-Y/n…” She stammered out as you looked up, mouth still religiously suckling on the nipple. “Please.” Her voice shaky as she begged for her pleasure. Standing up once again, your lips collide with her pink ones as she desperately ground her hips towards yours, looking for any kind of friction.

You pulled away before taking her shoulders in your hands as you pressed her against the wall.

Admiring her features in the moonlight, a fond smile found its way to your lips. Seeing her face so needy for you; her eyebrows contorting, her lower lip under her teeth to suppress the embarrassingly obscene noises. “So gorgeous, Dahyunie…” You whispered, you hand dancing its way lower and lower until you reach the top of her bottoms, slithering your way into her underwear. Feeling the patch of arousal that has now ruined the underwear, you smirk again.

Your other hand on her breast once again, twisting the nipple making her groan out. “My girl missed me so much that she’s ruined herself…” You experimentally played with the erected bundle of nerves. “Oh God…Y/n…More, please. More.” She begged as her lips looked for yours. The smirk on your face growing tenfold as your finger moved further down to her center, pushing your finger into her, making her cry out.

“Ooh, princess, you’re just so fucking tight aren’t you? So tight for me.” You teased, pumping your finger into her before adding a second one, stretching her out in the most delicious way possible. Moans and gasps fell past her lips, begging you for more as your finger worked tirelessly against her. “Did your pussy miss me, Dahyunie?”

With no response, you slowed your movements making her groan loudly, grinding up against your fingers. A stern expression falling over your face as you twisted her nipple again, pushing your lips against hers forcefully, repressing her cries. You pressed her sweaty forehead against yours, forcing her to look at you. “I asked you a question, baby.” You simply said as you began pumping your slick fingers between her core again.

“Yes! Fuck yes! I missed you. My pussy ached for you…You looked so fucking hot during your last few stages, it was so hard not to call you to have you take me in every way possible, N/n.” She panted out, desperate for her release. Pulling your fingers out of her, you carried her to your room. Her whines driving you further.

Once in your room, you placed her on your bed gently before kissing her lips again. Teeth now ramming into each other from the raw need Dahyun’s hand cradling your face, nails scratching your jaw slowly making your body tremble with want. Reluctantly, you pulled away from her lips as you kissed your way down, marking her chest, so it wasn’t visible to the public, down to her center.

Seeing the wet cavern, you couldn’t help but lick your lips hungrily seeing the sexy beast that was your girlfriend. You hooked your arms under her thighs as you stared into her dilated and dark eyes. Teasingly, you blew a huff of air into the exposed pussy, chuckling softly as she shook under your touch.

“Y/n…Please.” She pleaded through lidded eyes.

“What my princess wants, she gets.” You whispered before diving into the sopping wet core. A loud cry echoed through the empty room as her head shot back, back arching in pleasure of your tongue digging into her pussy in ways that she could only long for late at night when she missed you. You ravenously licked and sucked at her clit as your fingers found their way back into her doubling the intense feeling of the knot beginning to tighten in her stomach. Her hand pulling at your hair once again, begging you to work harder to bring her to her climax.

“Holy God, Y/n. More, fuck you feel so good!” She cried out as her legs began to shake around your head, closing from the pressure that was building. “I’m gonna cum, baby. Just a little more. Please! Oh shit, yes!” Dahyun moaned out, her essence coating your chin like a painting as her body convulsed.

You offered small kitten licks to help her ride out her orgasm while also getting a taste of your favorite flavor. Once she tapped your head, signaling you that she was too sensitive at this point, you made your way back up. Small kissed littered across her now pink skin. You lay beside her panting form, as you pecked her lips gently.

“What abou—” You cut her off with another kiss, making her smile dazed at you. “Don’t say it. You need rest and can wait.” The rapper smiled up at you before wrapping her arms around your still clothed midsection pulling you closer. “I can get you a shirt you know, sunshine.” You offered seeing as she was still naked.

Dahyun shook her head before pushing her head into your neck, savoring the smell she missed so much the past few months. “That can wait as well. I still want to cuddle.” You chuckled softly before pulling her onto your chest as she looked at you again sleepily.

“You are not staying away from me for that long again, N/n.” The pale woman said before yawning and cuddling into your chest. You nodded along and kissed the top of her head. “I promise.”

Before she could fall asleep completely, she whispered, “I love you.”

Your smile grew wider as you pulled her closer to you, nuzzling into her hair. “I love you too, Dahyun.”

yeah, i'm going to hell for a lotta things and that last part is on the long list i would say HAAHAHAHAH this has to be my longest fic yet 🤔anyway, remember that requests are open on any group and i will get to them as soon as i can and comments or criticism is always welcomed! 😊 alsoooo happy pride month everyone! love is love always! keep safe always and i will see you all very very soon! 💕 taglist: @labrachrosite

[vminity21]

Speak Now | myg

Pairing: groom!yoongi x bestfriend!reader

Word Count: 3,124

Genre: angst/fluff

Warning(s): curse words used, mention of a toxic relationship, mention of advances toward infidelity Rated: pg 13

Summary: When the love of your life is about to marry the wrong person, you muster up enough courage to profess your heart before it is too late. By late, you mean the day of your best friend’s wedding.

Credits to: @suhdays​ for making the cover, you are my favorite! 

With clammy palms, you relieve a steady breath descending into the pew while bundles of people bustle through the chapel doors in search for a place to sit. You picked the first available section that you saw and with a silent prayer, you hope that whoever chooses the same row will maintain their distance. With your mind racing, you frantically observe the scenery encompassing the audience from the colorful stained windows, the mahogany pulpit to the rich color of the carpet- absolutely anything to distract you from the overwhelming anxiety plaguing your tightening chest. There is, rather, one thing you are searching for. More like, someone. You are aware he is hidden in a room in preparation for the event about to take place, but unbeknownst to him, you did reluctantly, after many nights of pondering, decide to show up with a mission in tow. Your heart shattered in millions of pieces when you discovered, scrolling through social media, that Yoongi’s wedding ceremony was shared on his wall.  

Upon assumption, you were not invited to the event for reasons you are certain of. But this post gave you a date and a time to organize your thoughts and the words that you want to say.

Since elementary school, you and Yoongi have been inseparable. Thick as thieves as your best friend Monnie would say; two peas in a damn pod her boyfriend Jeongguk would say, and even your mother supported the dream of you and Yoongi getting married one day. That day seemed to vanish suddenly even though Yoongi has been your best friend for as long as you can remember, and regardless of him being taken, you have also been his shoulder to lean on throughout his incredibly toxic relationship with his soon to be bride to be. The comical part of it all to you is that she has never been fond of you from the beginning which you inwardly knew it boiled down to jealousy. And as you figured, you were not invited because she demanded so.

Anger brims harshly beneath you and in attempt to clear your unwanted thoughts, you shake your head. She’s irrelevant anyway. It is Yoongi I am here for. In the end, you are here for one reason and one reason only. For Yoongi to know how you feel about him once and for all.

“Y/N?” Jung Hoseok approaches you, one out of the six best friends Yoongi has other than you. From afar, shoulder leaned against the brick wall of the school, you stared in evident longing as Yoongi set his backpack in his car irritatingly. A fight unfolded between him and his girlfriend and the pair were oblivious to you being a witness. Uncertain of yet again why she was mad at him, you turned to face Hoseok with a gasp of surprise since he unexpectantly caught you hiding.  “Look,” he wets his lips, “If you don’t tell him how you feel, I will.”

“Please don’t!” You gasp, watching your volume as you switch your gaze to make sure Yoongi and the blundering wench hadn’t seen your presence. Turning to Hoseok, you plead, “It’s not-! What if?” You sigh, “What if I can’t? What if he still doesn’t get it?”

“But she’s not good for him and you know it. If there’s anybody who deserves each other it’s the two of you,” Hoseok’s expression becomes saddened when you look away from him. Emotions gather in the form of tears as you fight to hold them back.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be standing here telling you to confess to him if I felt it was a bad idea.”

The church pews continue to become occupied until the echoes of conversation simmer to cease once the out of tune organ cringingly serenades the atmosphere. Wincing in response, you grit your teeth to stifle a giggle because of course the wench of the west would choose the most untuned instruments there are. Ultimately, how fitting can this be for a wedding that should not even be happening? Turning to look at the first coupled bridesmaid and groomsman, memories start to churn when you see each of Yoongi’s friends. Hoseok was not the only one who warned you ahead of time to profess your feelings for Yoongi.

“So, when are you going to tell Yoongi you’re ‘unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him?’” Taehyung’s fluffy curls fall into his eyes as his cheeky grin enters your vision. He is leaned over the back of the couch as he bounces from his knees hitting the cushion.

“And this concludes the last and final time that I will ever watch Twilight with you,” you announce, crinkling at the wrapper of a rice krispie treat from the kitchen. “I’m not as wanted as Bella Swan.”

“You see that’s where you’re wrong. What makes you think you are the only one who feels the connection?”

Pausing from your eventual snack, you glare at your friend, “I’m not in love with him,” you denyingly mutter.

“Your eyes say you are.”

“Gah! Taehyung, how many times do I have to tell you that it’s not going to happen, alright? He has a girlfriend. Obviously if he wanted me, he could have chosen me a long ass time ago. We’ve been in each other’s lives all this time, so why hasn’t he said anything?”

“Have you ever considered that maybe he thought he couldn’t?”

“Excuse me?”

“As being a previous ex of yours, let me explain.”

“We dated for two days. In the first grade!”

“It counts.”

You scoff, pressing the krispie treat underneath your palm as you lean onto the counter to steady your rising nervousness. After a moment, you signal for Taehyung to proceed.

“I think you tend to forget that you’re not the only one who is afraid to confess your feelings to someone. Yoongi may be afraid, too.”

You shrug in reply.

“You are his best friend, Y/N. Maybe he didn’t want to be at fault for ruining a friendship if you happened to not feel the same, so he settled for her.”

He’s right, and deep down beneath the fear, you know it. Stepping toward Taehyung, you ruffle his frilly tendrils, “I loathe you.”

Playfully slapping you away, he chuckles, “Hence why I force you to binge watch chick flicks with me. I loathe you, too.”

Taehyung and his bridesmaid LenLen remain poker faced as they gradually step down the aisle. The memory of Taehyung fades when you find Namjoon sitting alone staring straight ahead with the same expression and another flashback ensues.

After ranting about how hurt you are by the upcoming wedding date, Namjoon visits to console you since counseling is something he does daily, and he is the perfect friend who listens to every word you say other than Min Yoongi. “I just don’t get it. She treats him so poorly and all it does is break my heart. And of course, I never got an invite. She despises me!”

With crossed arms, Joon’s glasses sit daintily on his face while the turtleneck he is wearing shapes his frame- he looks incredibly professional even on his day off. “Yoongi asked me to be in the wedding,”

“Oh?” you say, “As he should. You are one of his best friends,”

“I am, but she happens to despise me, too.”

“What?” You gasp incredulously, “How could? Joon, how do you even know that?”

He settles upon the couch while your gaze follows him, a brief sigh brushes his lips, “He asked me to marry them which she openly opposed.”

“That’s.. That’s a really huge deal, Joon. So, are you going to do it anyways?”

“No,” Namjoon responds quickly, “The reason she despises me is because she thinks I will ruin her and Yoongi’s relationship, the same as she sees you- a threat.”

“But how?”

Joon rubs at the crease in his eyebrows, “She made advances toward me when they first started dating, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell him which is why I can’t push you to tell him your truth until you are ready. I was scared he would think I was lying. The last time I saw her was at a sports game and when he left to grab her a drink, she started touching my thigh and I left immediately.”

“That’s why,” your voice trails off as you remember something, “That’s why Yoongi was so worried about you! Because you never miss a game with him! It was because of that conceited, selfish bi-”

“Hey, let’s not stoop to her level. I strongly dislike her as well, she put me in a very uncomfortable position which is why I am never around when she is. I refuse to be pictured as whatever she decides to manipulate.”

“Joon,” you murmur, leaning forward to squeeze his shoulder, “We all know who you are. Yoongi adores you. Knowing how she is, we would have believed you over her most definitely. Are you going to attend the wedding at all?”

“I’m not sure,” your eyes flicker between his as sadness clouds them, “I want him to be happy and the only person he would be happy with is you.”

It was silent immediately after Namjoon said those words that are still repeating within your mind. Did all of Yoongi’s friends concoct a plan to nudge you to profess the entirety of your heart to him? And what happened to Namjoon was so cruel and it was the final straw that motivated and fueled you to do exactly what you are about to do today. She doesn’t deserve Yoongi, she doesn’t deserve his family, she doesn’t deserve his friends, and she most definitely doesn’t deserve his love. It is time for Min Yoongi to know the truth and nothing but the truth.

The piano chimes in with the organ clashing hideously as the time drags, and you notice Hoseok who is arm and arm with a bridesmaid you are unfamiliar with, stifling the urge to react to the disconcerted music. He takes his place where the best man stands and links his hands before him- a quick grin is shared with whoever he makes eye contact with and his dimples appear for the slightest of seconds. Seokjin and Jimin as well as Jeongguk are completely lined already and when Guk finally locks eyes with Monnie who is sitting in the audience, they share loving smiles. After today, if all works accordingly, Yoongi will be yours and you no longer would envy the love you always longed for with him.

Looking back especially after all the encouragement from you and Yoongi’s friends, there are moments where you almost worked up the bravery to tell him the truth, but it seemed with every opportunity, his girlfriend would find some way to interfere. It was as if she disturbingly knew your schedule and your thoughts which is something you never truly admitted to your friends. You didn’t want her to sound like an excuse that is holding you back from saving Yoongi’s heart from further turmoil.

Flitting your gaze to the handsome lineup of groomsmen, you realize not even one is smiling. Before you can contemplate further on all the reasons why there aren’t any smiles, you move your gaze just for your heart to halt instantly. There he is. Min Yoongi, the love of your life, dressed in a well fitted tuxedo that clings to his thin frame, makes his way timidly to stand in front of the pulpit. His blonde hair spreads neatly upon his forehead while his lips stay in a firm line once he takes a moment to fix the cuffs of his sleeves before resting his hands together in front of him. Gaping at how beautiful he looks; the nerves swerve tremendously inside you because the time is inching closer for you to tell him everything without holding back.

Your shoulders tense once the reverend directs the audience to rise, you are so focused on Yoongi, you hardly can hear the beginning of the wedding march as you swallow roughly. Standing to your feet, your hands are freezing when you hold them together, yet you muster enough to turn to see her make her entrance- the bride who wanted to hold captive of Yoongi’s heart. It’s hard to watch her smile at him as if she truly cares for him, it takes everything not to feel nauseated by the scene. The way she has treated Yoongi, Namjoon, and everyone else it feels like, will never settle with you. The times she obsessively called Yoongi whenever the pair of you would study together, interrupting the time he wanted to spend with his guy friends, or the curse words she would spew at him when she didn’t have her way; or the times she made him cry by threatening to leave him just to turn around and post a selfie of her and a random guy to make Yoongi jealous. So of course, Namjoon would have been heard. He has a heart of gold as well as the rest of the crew. And Yoongi deserves to surround himself with this serene positivity.

She stands before Yoongi as the two join hands. He hardly gives a smirk; doubt seems to exist within his glance, or so you hope. Your icy palms clasp together once the preacher bellows for the guests to now take their seats. The ceremony proceeds, yet you wait for the preacher to say the exact words you are desperately wanting to hear. Lightheaded, you feel the blood drain from your body despite the hammering your heart is profusely beating against your rib cage.

Never in your life did you dream you were going to do what you are about to do. It is bold. It is courageous. And you could care less about what the aftermath will be. The only person whose reaction matters is Min Yoongi’s. The reverend seems to drag his sentences, but when he clears his throat, you straighten your back in preparation for what is coming next.

“Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Here’s your chance.

Hands shaking, body trembling, you jolt from your seat,

“I. OBJECT!”

Dramatic responses of collected gasps reverberate to the ceiling of the building. Eyes turn to stare at you in congruent with the hushed whispers scattering amongst the pews wondering why you made such a bold choice; and, if looks could kill, you would drop lifeless by the dark daggers burning through your skull by the witch trying to be Yoongi’s forever. Fingertips numb, you try to tune out the raving murmurs, you hadn’t realized you closed your eyes for a few seconds to gather yourself, and when you open them, they instantaneously connect with Yoongi’s that enlarged in shock. His thin lips part and as you gaze at him, tears pool though you relentlessly try to fight them.

“Yoongi,” you speak between stammered breaths, “I know this is…. Sudden, and possibly the most insane thing I am ever going to do,” you put a quivering hand to your lips for a second then dropping it to your side, “But Yoongi, if there is anyone who deserves to spend the rest of their life with you, it’s me.” You cannot believe that sentence slipped from your mouth, but in your heart, you know it’s the truth. Just like that, without your knowledge, smiles begin to bloom from the men standing by Yoongi’s side. Not only do you see it, but so has everyone else who has been in each of your lives. Why else would his “bride to be” have been jealous of you since their whole relationship began a few years ago? She could even sense the chemistry you and Yoongi have shared and still share.

“Yoon, she will never see you the way I see you; the way your family sees you; or the way your best friends see you.” From your peripheral vision, you see a gleamingly proud Hoseok along with Namjoon whose hopes are flying as high as yours, but your gaze never once falters from Yoon’s. Wetting your lips, you continue, “I know you. I have always known you. And you deserve the world and so much more.” Yoongi steps forward then pauses to hear more of what you have to say, “And Yoon,” a tear escapes, trailing warmly down your burning cheek, “I am deeply, undoubtedly, and wholeheartedly in love with you.”

In that moment, Yoongi begins to walk down the stairs, Taehyung’s boxy smile lights up his face as he fist pumps excitingly in the air. You may not have used the exact words from his favorite script, but you know you are beyond words with how much you are in love with Min Yoongi. The horrified bride agonizingly tries to stop Yoongi, but he refuses to take his eyes off you, brushing past her, she lights up in prominent rage. You, with glistening hope sparking across your soul, you shuffle past the gawking people in the pew, ready to crash into Yoongi’s arms.

When he reaches you, his tepid palms cup your face, swiping away the tears that just keep falling as you stare into his umber eyes that mirror the emotions you have brought to him that he is finally seeing. Before you can take a breath, he leans in, capturing your kiss exactly how he has desired, but never found the courage to reveal, that he in fact would dream of you too on countless nights. Or when he felt uneasy or sad, he would relive the best memories that happened to be with you to give him peace. Everything you have ever dreamed of is coming true as the fireworks explode in every direction within your chests. He kisses you so passionately that you both forget about the world, your hands dig into the sides of his tuxedo jacket as he deepens the kiss, tugging him as close as he can be.

Namjoon starts clapping as he stands to his feet until the entire place erupts in a fit of cheers. Even though hundreds of people are encompassing the two of you, it still feels like it is only you and Yoongi within the vast universe. How long have you waited for this moment with the one person you have loved for so long? How many stars had you wished on to finally end up where the two of you are now?

Breathless, Yoongi rests his forehead to yours while the sensation of his kiss still lingers, dazed and filled with immense happiness, you gaze at him fully, he speaks, “I love you, Y/N. I love you so much.”

[saintshigaraki]

when you break my heart, do it softly

pairing: gender neutral reader x dabi 

work count: 1.5k

excerpt: A rather large part of you wonders if maybe you should’ve seen this coming. The other part of you knows that even if you had, it probably wouldn’t have changed a thing. You loved him a bit too much to walk away before you absolutely had to. 

a/n: it’s not like. super relevant but this is an au where dabi is not a wanted villain. 

tags: cheating, angst, hurt/comfort, hopeful ending, SOFT DABI

in case you’d rather read it on ao3!

A rather large part of you wonders if maybe you should’ve seen this coming. The other part of you knows that even if you had, it probably wouldn’t have changed a thing. You loved him a bit too much to walk away before you absolutely had to. 

Dabi hadn’t ever seemed like the commitment sort of guy anyway, not since the first moment you met him when he had been incessantly flirting with you and two other girls at the same bar you were trying and failing to manage. It was your first night on the job and it was a seedy place crawling with even seedier people but you needed the money and work was work. 

At least that’s what you told yourself when Dabi’s flirting got more and more annoying. It was hard to focus with him breathing down your fucking neck. You told him as much. You regretted the words as soon as they left your mouth because while you don’t know who he is, an awfully annoying voice in the back of your head whispered perhaps you shouldn’t piss off the scarred up man who just minutes ago was demonstrating just how hot his flames can get. 

You and Dabi stood completely still and silent for a few long seconds, an uncapped beer freezing through your palm and his glowing blue eyes narrowed and burning straight through your skull. 

The urge to trip over your words and backtrack was almost impossible to ignore, almost. But you had shit to do and this job was already stressing you the fuck out and you’re two seconds away from being evicted so this needs to work out so it would be nice if he backed the fuck off for just a single second. 

So, instead of groveling at his feet, you stuck your chin out, took a deep breath and calmly said, “Look, you’re very, very attractive, and trust me, at any other time I’d be so flattered and into this, but it’s my first night and I’m struggling just a bit so can you please give me a minute.”

He was silent for a few seconds before his lips curled up into an awfully too pleased and cocky smile revealing a pair of shockingly white teeth and weirdly sharp canines. 

“You think I’m hot, doll?” 

The tension between you two melted completely.

You groaned but only to hide the smile that tugged at the corner of your lips. 

(He saw it anyway.

Later, in the early hours of the morning, he asked for your number. You gave it to him because you were a little dumb and he was a little too beautiful and surprisingly funny in a strange morbid violent lovely sort of way. 

You thought this is dangerous. Not necessarily because he was dangerous-though you didn’t doubt that he most definitely was- but because as he smiled down at you with his crooked grin that made him look more boyish than villainous, you thought that’d he’d be so, so easy to fall in love with. And that he’d break your heart for it. 

You were right, of course. But fuck if it didn’t hurt all the same because of it) 

+

A year and a half later, standing in you and Dabi’s shared apartment, you’re forced to see the truth in your own damning words. 

He had stripped off his shirt, getting ready for bed and for as strong as you’d like to believe you are, you can’t contain the wounded sound that escapes your mouth before you clamp your lips together. 

He whips around but the damage is done. There are claw marks down his back, ones you most definitely had not left. 

You both stare at each other, something so heavy and awful hanging in the space between you two. 

Vaguely, it reminds you of the night you and Dabi met. Though thinking about that does nothing but rub salt in the wound, so you push it away and bury it deep. 

He opens his mouth to speak but you cut him off. 

“I love you, Dabi. I want you to know that. I love you so much. And I always will.”

The words are so heartbreakingly true. 

You actually did end up getting evicted after that fateful night at the bar and even though you and Dabi had been dating for only 4 months at that point, he’d offered you his home and let you get back on your feet before paying rent. He knew exactly how to comfort you on the days where everything felt a bit too much like it was caving in, and you had held him as he sobbed so hard he’d heaved, more times than you could count. 

You had seen the worst and best in each other. Bared your wounds so sweetly at such a formative time in your lives. How could you not love him? How could you not care for him for the rest of your life? 

Of course, it hurt that he’d fucked another person, it broke your heart so completely, but the idea of being mad, of screaming at him, and throwing shit and causing a mess didn’t even cross your mind, because deep down, you thought, perhaps it is time to move on. Perhaps you both need something different right now. 

You had gotten a job offer in America some time ago and you hadn’t taken it because of Dabi. Because you loved him and he was here. You had recently gotten an email that it was still on the table. It’d be a good opportunity for you. A great one actually. 

It was time to move on, you realized. To grow as people, separately. 

Dabi is the one to drive you to the airport. It’s a little strange, you’ll admit, but everything about what happened post the claw marks incident was a little strange. You’d stayed in his apartment after everything. Three weeks of skin-crawling awkwardness tinged with unspoken hurt. 

It didn’t feel awkward now, though. As he stood outside his car with his hands in his pockets staring at you like you’re bound to turn to dust if he looks away. 

You set your suitcase down gently and approach him, until you’re mere inches apart. He says nothing. You don’t either. 

Instead, you wrap your arms around him and hug him. He’s stone still and just as you’re about to let go he returns it so tightly that you’re nearly crushed against his chest. You can’t help but laugh a little. His hold has always been a bit painful (but only in the sweetest way). 

“I love you,” he murmurs into your hair. 

You laugh again, light and sweet because you love him as well. So much it hurts. 

“I love you, too.”

+

A few weeks after getting to America you change your number and don’t tell Dabi. Because even though you love him, you think you might hate him a little too. And you’d rather let it go before hate is all you have of him. 

+

You return to Japan a year and a half later. They offered you a transfer and you took it. Going to America was an important and needed step in your life, but in your bones, you feel the truth of it. It’s time to go home. 

+

The night you land back in Japan, you go to the same bar you met Dabi in. Partly for the nostalgia, partly because you did genuinely love your boss, but mostly because you knew you’d get a discount. 

You’re on your second vodka and coke when he comes in. You don’t even have to turn around to know. You feel it deep in your chest, a sweet ache in your bones. 

He sits next to you and for a moment neither of you say anything. Not until you turn to look at him. At first glance, it’s as though nothing has changed about him. Same jacket, same dyed hair, same scars, but something in his eyes is different. Older, maybe, though it’s only been a year. And he holds himself a bit differently as well. 

You like it. 

You tell him as much. 

He gives you that same too-pleased cocky smile that you first saw what felt like lifetimes ago. 

“You think I’m hot, doll?”

You groan to hide a smile tugging at the corner of your lip. 

He sees it anyway. 

You wonder if history really is bound to repeat itself. But you look at him and all his minute differences, and think, maybe not. And perhaps you’re too hopeful, and maybe a little dumb, but when you walk out of the bar with him and he gives you that boyish smile, you’re not as sure that he’ll break your heart this time around. 

And when he’s kissing his way down your neck and whispering, I love you, I love you, I love you, like a prayer, and his tears leave a trail on your skin, it’s hard to not return the sentiment. 

You love him. Of course you do. How could you not? 

You tell him as much. 

Perhaps this is a mistake. Perhaps it isn’t. Loving someone is always a risk, sometimes it feels like you’re setting your heart up to be broken. 

But, this is worth the risk, you think. It always has been. 

[eyayah-oya]

Return to Me

Clone Ship Week | Day 6 | Post-Battle - @cloneshipweek

Cody/Rex

Rating: G

Warnings: mentions of Point Rain, canon typical violence, disgustingly cute happy ending

Ao3 link

           Geonosis was just as awful as every vod had ever described. It was hot and dusty, of course, but Cody didn’t really care about any of that.  It was the number of brothers he’d lost on the way to Point Rain, the hundreds more killed by the bugs and their weaponry, on top of all the droids that seemed to come in never-ending waves.

           Cody and the rest of the 212th were going to join General Mundi and the 21st Nova Marine Corps on the other side of the planet while Rex and his men worked with Gree and the 41st under General Unduli.  They would be taking on the enormous droid factory the next day, and Cody would not be able to help any of them.  He would have his own mission to run.

           There were hundreds of vod’e all over the fortified base they’d managed to find and set up camp in.  Brothers from all four battalions mingled and shared increasingly exaggerated stories.  Cody had spotted Corporals Fives and Echo talking to some boys from the 21st, and he’d seen the medics fussing over the injured vod’e and generals.  But there was no sign of Cody’s cyare.

           “Lieutenant!” Cody called to 2nd Lieutenant Jesse of the 501st.

           Jesse snapped off a sharp salute.  “Sir!”

           “At ease, Lt.  Have you seen Rex around recently?” Cody asked.

           Thinking for a moment, Jesse slowly nodded.  “I think I saw him over by the remaining gunships, sir. He was talking to General Skywalker about half an hour ago.”

           Cody nodded and clapped the trooper on his shoulder. “Thanks.  Make sure you take some time to rest, Lt.  We’re in for a rough campaign.”

           “Of course, sir.  You do the same and see if you can get Rex to sleep, too.”

           As Cody walked away, he chuckled to himself.  Little brothers were getting uppity.  At the start of the war, there was no way any trooper, let alone one from a different battalion, would have talked to him so casually.  It was a testament to how well the men of the 501st were relaxing around their Jedi and learning how to be something besides soldiers.  It was nice.

           Cody prayed to whatever gods watched over clones bred for war that Rex hadn’t gone back up to the Resolute already.  He needed to see Rex and make sure his cyare was alright. Too many vod’e were walking wounded, and even more were severely injured or dead.  As much as he knew it was a real possibility, Cody did not want to ever consider a reality where Rex marched on ahead of him.

           “Hey, Commander!” Commander Tano chirped from out of nowhere.  She smiled up at him with bright eyes that hadn’t been weighed down by war yet.  She still had hope and Cody prayed that she would never lose that.  Yet another thing he prayed for to unknown gods.

           “Hello, Commander.”  Cody dodged a pair of vod’e carrying a crate full of supplies and glanced down at Commander Tano.  “Can I help you with something?”

           “Jesse said you’re looking for Rex?  I know where he is!  But we have to hurry before my Master pulls him away again.”

           If Commander Tano was willing to help him find Rex, Cody was definitely not going to say no.  Especially after the massacre they’d just faced.  “Thank you, Commander,” he said, warm affection warming his chest briefly. “I appreciate it.”

           Commander Tano waved away his thanks.  “It’s no problem.  I get it.  Master Skywalker practically ran to Master Kenobi’s side as soon as we got here, and I know Jesse went to go find a batchmate of his from the 41st. Sometimes, you just need to make sure everyone’s alive.”

           “That is very wise, Commander,” Cody said.  He really shouldn’t be surprised, but in his mind, the Commander was just so young.  She shouldn’t have insights into how war worked, and why they needed time to recuperate after a bad battle, if only to reassure themselves that their loved ones made it out alive or to mourn the ones that hadn’t.

           There were far too many mourning vod’e.

           “I have a great teacher,” Commander Tano said with a warm smile.  “Rex said you taught him a lot of what he knows and he’s been passing some of that down to me.  It’s helped me in some tough situations, so I should be thanking you, Commander.”

           “No thanks necessary, Commander,” Cody managed to say without choking or giving away his emotions.  Not that it probably mattered since Jedi were attuned to the people around them.  Only General Kenobi had ever thanked him for anything, and Cody was convinced that his General would thank Ventress after she stabbed him with her saber.  Karking di’kutla jetti.

           “Anyway, Rex is over in that tent, hopefully taking a nap. Coric was threatening him earlier with sedation, so he might have followed through on that threat.”

           And with that, Commander Tano skipped away, most likely to terrorize some poor shiny who wouldn’t know how to deal with an overly friendly shiny Jedi Commander. Cody privately wished he had a holo of their flailing.  It would provide some good laughs in the future.

           Cody strode over to the tent Commander Tano had pointed out, and knocked on the frame.

           “Come in,” Rex called and something inside of Cody’s chest loosened.

           He undid the fastenings and stepped inside, taking his bucket off immediately.  Rex was sitting on the cot, a datapad in his hands, likely going over the initial casualty reports for the battle.  Most importantly, he was very much alive.

           “Rex,” Cody gasped out with a strangled breath.

           Rex jerked at his voice and then a second later, Cody had his arms wrapped around his cyare, breathing him in as he held on as tight as he could.

           “Cody!  You’re okay!” Rex said.  He pulled back to give Cody a sharp look.  “You are okay, right?”

           “Yes, I am.  I didn’t end up getting injured.  That was purely my General,” Cody said, trying for some dry humor but it fell flat in the face of their combined relief.  “What about you?  I heard you got thrown off a wall?”

           “Karking Fives and Echo,” Rex growled.  “General Skywalker and Ahsoka caught me, so I wasn’t hurt.  Nothing beyond a few bumps and bruises.”

           Cody ran his eyes over Rex’s body, as though that would tell him if Rex was hiding any injuries with the armor in the way.  Once he verified that there wasn’t any gaping hole or crack in Rex’s armor, Cody dropped his helmet to the ground and pulled Rex into a bruising kiss.  His cyare responded eagerly, clinging desperately to the hard, sharp planes of Cody’s armor.  There was no finesse, no sweetness in the kiss.  Just pure, heady relief and a desperation to prove that they really survived.

           Rex gripped Cody’s hair tightly with one hand, the other wrapping around his waist to pull him as close as their armor would allow. He sucked on Cody’s bottom lip and gently nibbled before letting go and pressing his head against Cody’s in a soft keldabe.

           “I was so worried when we heard that most of your gunships went down, including General Kenobi’s.  You’re usually flying with him.”

           “We decided to split our forces.  It was a really close call a few times, but we made it.  We both made it,” Cody answered.  He was shaking from relief at having Rex in his arms, alive and unharmed.  Nothing would ever be able to beat that heady feeling of overwhelming gratitude to whatever gods were listening.  They’d listened to at least one of his prayers today.

           “Stay alive tomorrow,” Cody demanded after a moment of just breathing each other in.  “That factory is going to be really dangerous.”

           “I know.  Gree is a solid vod, though.  He’ll have my back and I’ll have his.  Plus, we have the Jedi to help keep us safe.”

           Cody very carefully didn’t think about the many times General Skywalker had gotten men killed by doing something reckless or stupid. The R2 droid was not important enough to sacrifice his padawan, Rex, and three other men to General Grievous.  Out of four, only Rex and Denal had made it back, and Commander Tano had nearly been killed by Grievous when she kept Grievous from killing Rex, all for a droid.  Cody was skeptical, but he also had faith in Commander Tano and General Unduli and her padawan.  They’d protect the men while Skywalker handled whatever crazy idea he had.

           “We will be safe,” Rex said, giving Cody a shake. “While you’re off with the Marines, you should talk to Bacara.  They’re out of contact with most of the GAR.  Only Neyo and Jet can get through the blockades to deliver supplies and intelligence to Nova.”

           A frown carved the worry lines on his face deeper as Cody absorbed that information.  “I’ll talk to him.  See what we can do,” Cody swore.

           Rex nodded.  “Good.  He’ll keep you alive.  Bacara already told me he’s planning on sharing all of my embarrassing ARC training stories to you while you’re on campaign together.”

           Cody grinned.  “I’ve been trying to pull those out of Neyo, Keeli, Thorn, and Thire for ages now.  And Bacara’s the one to spill the beans?”

           Rex grumbled and buried his face against the crook of Cody’s neck.  “He said I don’t have enough blackmail material on him to keep him from blabbing. He also said I don’t scare him because, and I quote, “I’m as terrifying as a sleepy baby nexu cub buried in a pile of nip”.”

           “That—is strangely accurate,” Cody choked out, laughing at Rex’s offended growl.  “You’re a little prickly, but everyone knows you’re just a softy.  I mean, you’ve been teaching Commander Tano what I taught you?”

           His cyare shrugged.  “She’s in the middle of a war, and she doesn’t have the training we do. I don’t want to see her die when I could have prevented it.  Nor do I want to see my vod’e die because she makes a bad decision.  I’m giving her all the tools she’ll need to be successful and survive this war.”

           “You’ve adopted her.”  Cody couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before.  Rex had always loved with all his heart, as evidenced by the numerous vod’e who loved him unconditionally.  Of course, Commander Tano would have made the list.  “If she’s yours, then she’s mine, too,” Cody said. “We’re in this together.”

           Rex finally peeked his head back out from where he’d hidden it against the small sliver of skin on Cody’s neck.  “Really?”

           Cody didn’t hesitate.  He nodded and bumped their foreheads together.  “I promise.”

           For the first time since their first kiss, Cody had the amazing opportunity to see Rex completely and totally flustered.  He blushed bright red, sputtering and coughing as he tried to find something to say.

           It took a few minutes for Rex to completely compose himself and then it was Cody’s turn to be flustered.  “Are you asking me to be your riduur?”

           “What?” Cody spluttered.

           For a second, Rex faltered.  But then he squared his jaw and firmed his spine as if he was facing the worst of odds in a battle.  “We are one when together.  We already do that, and have done that since we were cadets.  We are one when apart.  At this point, I don’t think there’s anything that could separate us, even when we’re fighting on opposite ends of the galaxy.  We share all.  We tell each other everything.  You said it yourself.  What’s mine is yours, too.  We will raise warriors.  We are raising Ahsoka together, since we share all.  Not to mention all of our men that we’ve both trained since this war started. If that doesn’t count, I don’t know what would.

           “So, are you asking me to be your riduur?”

           As Rex laid out each point, Cody found himself agreeing. He and Rex were already married, they just hadn’t said the vows to each other yet.  And honestly, there wasn’t a better time than now.  Cody would rather be married to the love of his life for a few hours, then never have married him and watched him die in battle.

           “Yes, Rex of Torrent.  I am asking you to be my riduur,” Cody said, determination in every cell of his body.

           Rex lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Cody, bringing their foreheads together.  “Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar’tome, mhi me’dinui an, mhi ba’juri verde,” Rex swore fervently, his whole heart bared for Cody to see.

           “Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar’tome, mhi me’dinui an, mhi ba’juri verde,” Cody echoed the vow, offering Rex his heart with every breath.

           They shared the same space for a moment, pressing into the keldabe more firmly before their lips brushed together.  Like a firework had been set off in his bones, Cody tugged Rex into a passionate, over-whelming kiss that stole their breath away.  He could feel his heart swelling with the amount of love he felt for Rex, bursting out from behind the dam he kept on his emotions most days.  It rolled over him until the only thing he could think of was that Rex was alive, in his arms, and that they were now married.  What more could Cody care for in that moment?

           Eventually, air became a necessity, and they broke away from each other to breathe.  Rex gave a soft chuckle.  “You do realize that means you’re going to have to adopt Ahsoka, too, right?”

           “YES!  I get two dads AND Cody has to call me by my name now!”

           “Shh, they can hear you, Soka.”

           “Oops!  Everyone scatter!”

           Cody laughed.  His heart couldn’t contain the joy he felt, and he would carry that joy throughout the war as a hopeful flame for when they could all have peace again. But in that moment, he had all night with his riduur, and Cody planned on making the most of it.

[thetrap]

why i think deancas just might go canon

i’ve been wanting to write this for a bit, but i haven’t really had the time until now. basically this is just a super unorganized collection of thoughts i have on why i think that dean and castiel actually have a fairly decent shot of becoming canon (and by decent shot i mean like.....a solid 5% chance. and that’s being generous). this is based off of the show itself (obviously), quotes from andrew dabb, and other things.

1. andrew dabb is deancas positive

i made a post a while back that never made it out of the drafts, but it was basically a summation of all the good deancas shit dabb has given us as a writer. here are the bullet points:

- the hug/"i'm not leaving here without you!" moment in purgatory (8x02) 

- "don't lose it over one man"

- "he's in love.....with humanity"

- cas/colette parallel ("dean. stop.") in 10x22

- just the fight scene from the prisoner in general like......wow

- sam/jess and dean/cas parallel in 12x23

- "we've lost everything......and now, you're gonna bring him back" + dean's just generally overwhelming grief in 13x01

- "and how is it that you lost dean? i thought the two of you were joined at the.....you know, everything"

and these are just the big moments.

also notable is the fact that an activist sent dabb (and some of the other producers of spn i think) a book about dean and cas and why the fans want it/why it would be a good thing for the show. a few years later, meghan fitzmartin (who wrote the most recent episode!) was hired as dabb’s assistant, went into his office and posted a tweet a with pictures of the book, saying something along the lines of “doing some reading for work!”

the fact that dabb actually kept a fanmade deancas book for years.....the fact that he’s consistently written episodes with really strong subtext for years.....the fact that the dean and castiel romantic tension has only picked up since he took over as showrunner (mixtape, lily sunder, cas’s death, dean’s grief arc, the entirety of season fifteen, etc.)......idk i just think it’s really interesting that there has been such a marked shift since he was put in charge.

2. the mixtape

i know this was a few seasons ago, but it’s still relevant because like. a mixtape is not platonic. this scene was not platonic. full-stop.

and it’s not even the act by itself; it’s also the dialogue!! “it was a gift. you keep those.” this is more than likely a direct callback to aragorn and arwen in lord of the rings (that’s the first thing i thought of, at least).

the fact that dabb let this slide, like......he knows what this looks like. berens and glynn, who wrote this episode, know what it looks like. they knew precisely how this would be perceived, and then wrote and aired the scene anyways.

and that’s not even getting into the camerawork. like what?? was this shot???

yeah so. definitely not platonic.

3. the trap

honestly i thought about just posting this part of this overlong essay thing, because to me, this is the episode where i went okay, so this might actually happen.

there are SO many things in this episode that made me go insane the first time i watched it (”i left, but you didn’t stop me”) but the thing that stuck out to me the most was dean’s reaction to castiel saying, “you don’t have to say it. i heard your prayer,” when dean tries to tell him something.

like?????? he does not look relieved!! nor does he look particularly happy!!

hell, if you go back and watch the video you can literally see him swallow his words down like....jensen ackles is the master of micro expressions and that shit is Not Accidental. this moment 100% gives the vibe that there is something that is not being said. the camera following dean as he gives cas a lingering look is really interesting too.

3. dabb’s comments about dean and cas in season 15

this part is actually sort of related to the point above, since a lot of dabb’s comments are in reference to “the trap.” here are some interesting ones that i want to point out:

But the Leviathan won’t be the focal point of the purgatory story. Rather, it’s about what Dean and Castiel are going through. “They’re not going to resolve the emotional stuff, but it allows them to redefine their friendship a little bit in light of what’s happened especially earlier this season,” Dabb says. (x)

the key thing here is that dabb said that, in 15x09, dean and cas are “not going to resolve the emotional stuff.”

now. i don’t know about you, but dean falling to his knees, praying to cas and weeping feels a lot like emotional resolution to me. like, sure, things will probably be awkward between them for a while, but surely this is the peak moment of their emotional vulnerability with each other, right? surely this is the moment where they’ve resolved the issue between them? like how the fuck does it get more intensely emotional than this??

yet dabb seems to be implying that it will, which leaves us with the million dollar question: what is left about dean and cas’ relationship to resolve?

keep in mind that as of 15x16, there hasn’t been much forward movement on that front; that is, we’ve had some cute moments between them, but in terms of serious conversation about their relationship, there’s been basically nothing. so we can assume that this development, whatever it is, will occur in 15x18, since dean and cas will be separated for most of 15x17, as cas will be off with sam.

aka the episode where cas will likely get yanked away by the empty. aka the episode with the teary (!!!) conversation we saw in the promo between dean and cas.

also notable from the above quote is dabb saying that dean and cas are redefining their friendship. like....redefining how? to what?? that wording is just really interesting to me.

another quote from dabb re “the trap”:

(x)

it forces them to “start that process.” indicating yet again that the prayer scene between dean and cas is not the moment where whatever is between them is resolved. yet, from where we are right now, dean and cas seem mostly fine. which means that whatever they have yet to work out doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their fight.

lastly:

a really significant chunk of what happens to dean in 15x09 is him confronting his issues with cas. don’t get me wrong - there are other important things that happen in the episode - but the fact that an episode where so much time/emotional energy is given to dean and cas’ dynamic is considered a turning point for dean is very notable and, to me, speaks to the importance of their relationship for the rest of the season.

4. dean/cas and sam/eileen being set up as units

i’m of the opinion that sam and dean will (by choice) go their separate ways at the end of the show. i think this for a variety of reasons that i wrote about here, and to add onto this, i think that dean/cas and sam/eileen are, in a way, being set up as two units.

this theory comes from two points:

1. the fact that eileen got brought back at all

this isn’t to say that eileen isn’t an interesting character all on her own/outside of her romance with sam, but the fact that they brought her back and then proceeded to set her up in this romance feels really significant to me. what’s especially interesting is how, even after she leaves in 15x09, we get a continuation of their romance in 15x14. i don’t necessarily think that she’s sam’s endgame in the sense that the final episode will show sam going to her or whatever, but i do think that part of the reason she was brought back was so that sam would have someone who he loves/someone he could potentially build a life with after he and dean defeat chuck.

2. the way the two couples were portrayed in “the trap”

like....just watch the future scenes in the bunker. there’s very much a sense that these are two couples living together. and “ever since the mark made cas go crazy, ever since i had to bury him in a ma’lak box.” note the use of i, not we. and then dean/cas and sam/eileen are directly paralleled when dean tells sam he needs to give it up after eileen’s death, comparing it to how dean has given it up after having to bury cas in the ma’lak box.

5. dean does not do Well without cas

this is probably an understatement. there have been a couple of notable instances in this season where the viewer is given a glimpse of what happens to dean when cas dies/is in danger of death/is separated from dean (in case the whole ass widower arc in s13 wasn’t enough).

two of these are from “the trap”:

1. dean freaking out/crying/praying when he’s separated from cas in purgatory

2. dean giving up on life/hunting after burying cas in the ma’lak box in the future world

3. dean’s reaction to cas temporarily going to the empty in 15x13

the one i want to spend the most time on is number two, in large part because sam was witness to it and i think that this might get brought up in 15x17.

part of my spec for that episode is that cas will tell sam about his deal/sam will find out somehow, and in reaction sam might tell cas about how dean reacted to his death in s13 - a conversation that was notably absent from the show when cas finally returned in 13x05. i also think that he might mention no. 2 above, basically telling cas that if he dies, dean is done. that he won’t be able to handle it/move past it. the show has been telling us this over and over for a while now, and it’s only been emphasized more in season 15. i think that 15x17 is the episode where this will finally be verbally expressed.

to me, all of this emphasis on dean giving up when cas is gone isn’t for nothing. in my opinion, it’s being done very purposefully to set up an endgame where dean and cas are together in some sense of the word. and a lot of what i’ve said above is what makes me think it’ll be a Romantic together.

5. bobo berens’ three part deancas saga

so we all know that berens is pretty much spn’s foremost deancas warrior, and what i want to point out here is how this season has been utilizing him as a writer.

this season, berens has three solo episodes (he wrote “galaxy brain” with meredith glynn):

1. the rupture

2. the trap

3. despair (formerly known as “the truth”)

so far, these first two episodes have had major deancas moments. you could even label them as:

1. the rupture (the breakup)

2. the trap (the reconciliation)

3. depair (???)

keep in mind also that berens wrote 14x18, where the dean and cas sort of had a preliminary breakup. he’s been in charge of this arc for a while, and the fact that so much of his writing this season has been deancas focused.......i don’t know, i just think it’s significant in part because, while berens has always been deancas positive, he also writes plenty of episodes that aren’t focused on dean and cas. but now, in the final season, the dean and cas emotional arc has been handed to him, and it’s been the primary focus on his writing.

(sidenote: berens was promoted to executive producer for this final season)

to me, this is all leading to a big moment between dean and cas in 15x18 - and the fact that it was at one point called “the truth,” only to be switched back to despair - makes me think that there will be some sort of confession involved. my money is on cas being the one to say it (especially since this would line up with the leak), especially given the glimpse we saw of (what might be) this moment in the promo. which leads me to...

6. cas does not cry

i saved this for last because the promo where we see teary-eyed cas is actually what pulled me back into this shitshow.

cas does not cry. like. ever. he got a little teary in 15x15, when jack told him of his plan to sacrifice himself, but we have never - never - seen him shed actual tears. and in the promo, particularly that shot where cas says “you have fought for this whole world,” it 100% looks like cas is about to cry cry.

cas has seen his son die. he has seen dean die. he died himself, over and over and over. and we have never seen him cry.

yet for some reason, in this moment of vulnerability with dean, he’s crying. i find it highly unlikely that cas would cry because of his impending death, for a number of reasons (for one, he wouldn’t want to upset dean more than he has to). so, assuming he’s not crying because of his own death, then what is making cas so emotional that he is genuinely crying for the first time in the twelve seasons he has been on the show?

my guys.....i can only think of one thing.

[sepedarodatiga]

The Snow Queen fairytale as a motif used in GoT/ASOIAF

First of all, how many fairytales and myths can GRRM fit into this story, seriously?? I know many have written well thought and well informed meta of various fairytale motives fit with ASOIAF/GoT, and I am just here adding into an already huge pile, but it bothers me, okay. I have to get it out there into the tumblr void. And this is not really a well thought and well informed meta (I’m not a folklore/literature expert, not to mention European folklore/literature), I’m just pointing my fingers into the patterns I saw fit. Also, I can’t count myself as ASOIAF book reader, I just watch the show. What I know about the books, I read it here in tumblr. 

But anyway, you might be surprised as to which character I saw fit as The Snow Queen in GoT

It’s Daenerys Targaryen.

I know I know... whaat? The Mother of Dragons, Bride of Fire as The Snow Queen? Get out of here, right...

But it’s a pun. It’s not The Snow Queen, it’s Jon Snow’s Queen, get it? Remember how Jon repeatedly saying “you’re my queen” to Dany during season 8? Yeah. Oh and Jon is Kay, while Sansa is Gerda. 

What made me realize that Dany is The Snow Queen is when I was reading my son the fairytale. In the version retold by Kate Friend, it describes The Snow Queen as beautiful and terrible. And I was like, huh, just like Dany, especially with the white hair and the all white costume in season 8. 

Daenerys Targaryen, beautiful and terrible.

And then of course the story went on describing how Kay becomes her prisoner and then I was like, well that’s like Jon Snow during season 8 too.... And then in Disney’s adaptation Frozen, Elsa has white hair with purple eyeshadow, while Anna (Gerda) has....red hair....which is like... Sansa Stark. Then I also remember the illustration on my son’s book which is by John Patience, that reminded me of the Iron Throne.

The Snow Queen illustration by John Patience. See how much alike this setting is with the Red Keep? Especially in Dany’s vision in HoTU when snow was falling.

So I went investigating, and shit... I mean obviously the sequencing was moved around, GRRM likes to subvert things, but my God!

Before we get into Jon Snow and his queen, I have to start with the other characters first. And I will be taking excerpt of the story from The Hans Christian Andersen Center website which I assume would be the most original one.

Gerda = Sansa Stark

Here is a description of Gerda’s power:  “No power that I could give could be as great as that which she already has. Don't you see how men and beasts are compelled to serve her, and how far she has come in the wide world since she started out in her naked feet? We mustn't tell her about this power. Strength lies in her heart, because she is such a sweet, innocent child.”

Furthermore, her connection with Kay are through roses (they have a window box full of roses) and a song that goes like this:  "Where roses bloom so sweetly in the vale, There shall you find the Christ Child, without fail." Another variation of the song is: “The rose in the valley has flowers so sweet, and angels come down there the children to greet.” She saved Kay with her prayers, hugs, kisses, tears and her song and their reunion literally ended winter and brings spring. If that’s not Sansa Stark (and the jonsa reunion), then I don’t know what is.

Gerda made a journey to the North to find Kay and bring him back together with her to their home. Sansa did not meant to make a journey North to find Jon and bring him back home, but this is what happened anyway. The story even stressed on the fact that when they came back to their homes, they were no longer children but grown ups. On her quest Gerda offered her red shoes to the river to get information about Kay’s whereabouts but the red shoes were given back to her the first time. But she did it once again and the river set her on the path to find Kay. I’m not really sure but for Sansa it could be her betrothal to Joffrey that was then canceled but then she got married to Tyrion Lannister. Her red shoes is her name and her claim to the North.

Gerda then met an old woman who wanted to keep her and made her forget about Kay by keeping all the roses underground. The old woman’s place was beautiful. Here is an excerpt:  “Then Gerda was led into the flower garden. How fragrant and lovely it was! Every known flower of every season was there in full bloom. No picture book was ever so pretty and gay. Gerda jumped for joy, and played in the garden until the sun went down behind the tall cherry trees. Then she was tucked into a beautiful bed, under a red silk coverlet quilted with blue violets. There she slept, and there she dreamed as gloriously as any queen on her wedding day.” But then she saw a rose on the old woman’s hat and finally remembers her purpose of finding Kay. I would say that the old woman is Cersei Lannister who tried to make Sansa forget about her home and her innocence. Sansa was also saved from her clutch by roses (The Tyrells).

Then Gerda with information from a crow, met a Princess and Prince. She thought that the Prince might be Kay, but it turns out he was not. This might be Sansa’s vale arc and the Prince is either Petyr Baelish or Harry Hardyng. The Prince and Princess also gave provisions for Gerda’s journey to the North, so this may be that the KoTV helps Sansa getting Winterfell back. The crow, has a ladylove, another crow and they finally get married and live in the Princess’s castle though unfortunately the crow then died. The crow was a wild forest crow while his ladylove is a tame crow. These two crows could be genderbent into Sam Tarly and Gilly. Remember that Sam is mock as Jon’s ladylove by Alliser Thorne?

Next Gerda met a robber girl who sleeps with a knife and have plenty of pigeons. Yep, of course that is very much like Arya Stark (who sometimes is being referred to as “a girl”)

The pigeons told Gerda about Kay and The Snow Queen. The robber girl finally gave Gerda her reindeer called Bae for her journey to the North. The girl likes to tickle the reindeer’s neck with her knife. At the end of the story it is told that the robber girl then decided to leave her place and find adventure in the world. Very much like Arya’s ending.

Now about that reindeer Bae who helped Gerda to reach to Kay in The Snow Queen’s palace in the far North. In ASOIAF/GoT, we can connect Bae to Baelish. Make sense. Petyr Baelish helps Sansa get to North and Arya’s knife did end up in his neck. But also we can connect it to two foreshadowing of Sansa bearing Jon’s child. The first is more well-known: Bael the Bard. The second one I think is more hidden and I made a post about it quite long ago: Baelor. Is this far fetched? Maybe, but I’ll take it.

Kay = Jon (+ The Night King)

Kay and Gerda are neighbours and they share a garden (particularly a flower box full of roses). Their relationship, in the words of Hans Christian Andersen himself are: “These children were not brother and sister, but they loved each other just as much as if they had been.” So they are NOT brother and sister but love each other as such. While Jon and Sansa are also NOT brother and sister but was raised as such.

Then Kay got splinters of magic mirror stuck to his eyes and his heart. The mirror “made everything great and good that was reflected in it appear small and ugly, but which magnified all evil things until each blemish loomed large”. It made Kay hated all the roses, they look ugly now to his eyes and also made Kay loved the snow and the cold. Jon Snow at the beginning of the story was a cynical little boy because he was raised as a bastard. He wanted to leave Winterfell and sneered at the idea of having a family of his own because he felt that he can’t have them. So he went to the coldest place there is.

In the story, Kay plays with his sled, and then The Snow Queen came with her sled and Kay hooked his sled to hers. The Snow Queen first, covers Kay in a bearskin rug and gave Kay kisses. The first kiss “was colder than ice. He felt it right down to his heart, half of which was already an icy lump. He felt as if he were dying, but only for a moment. Then he felt quite comfortable, and no longer noticed the cold”. The second kiss makes Kay forgets about Gerda and their homes. The third kiss, The Snow Queen does not give him because it would be the kiss of death.

I argue that GRRM subvert this story. I think Jon Snow was already saved by Sansa before he met Dany. The splinters in his eyes and heart was already gone when he faced The Snow Queen. The reunion happened before he met Dany. The first two kisses also already happened: Jon Snow had died and came alive again, and he also forced to forget about his home and family while he was at the Night’s Watch. The bearskin rug which The Snow Queen used to cover Kay can allude to Jeor Mormont and/or Longclaw. 

Then Jon Snow met his queen finally, but instead of a hooking sleds.... it’s dragons. Jon Snow’s sled was his dragon Rhaegal which are hooked to Dany’s sled Drogon. But his eyes wasn’t blinded by the splinter and his heart were already warm. He knowingly and willingly follow the dragon to save his family.

And the third kiss of death that wasn’t given by The Snow Queen? Jon Snow will give it to his queen instead.

Now let’s go back a little bit. Kay was also given a puzzle from ice by The Snow Queen, and if he can solve it then he is free. He was supposed to spell the word “eternity” but he couldn’t figure it out with the shard in his eyes and heart. In GoT we know exactly who has got an shard in his heart.

The Night King. And so that is why he plays with puzzle in ice. He is struggling to form the one symbol that would set him free.

Bonuses

Other than those patterns, there are several interesting tidbits from the story that fits with ASOIAF. There is this one blog said that The Snow Queen story was inspired by another story called “East of the Sun and West of the Moon” which if you read it, it is essentially “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” (the bear is a white bear, by the way)

More bonuses here. When Gerda finally remembers to find Kay during her time in the old woman’s home because of the rose, different flowers gave her different stories even though none tells her about Kay.

This is the story from tiger lily:

"Do you hear the drum? Boom, boom! It was only two notes, always boom, boom! Hear the women wail. Hear the priests chant. The Hindoo woman in her long red robe stands on the funeral pyre. The flames rise around her and her dead husband, but the Hindoo woman is thinking of that living man in the crowd around them. She is thinking of him whose eyes are burning hotter than the flames-of him whose fiery glances have pierced her heart more deeply than these flames that soon will burn her body to ashes. Can the flame of the heart die in the flame of the funeral pyre?"

So GRRM didn’t take the sati ritual for Dany’s rites of passage as mother of dragons from just anywhere, but it is from this story.

Also, hear this story from hyacinth

"There were three sisters, quite transparent and very fair. One wore a red dress, the second wore a blue one, and the third went all in white. Hand in hand they danced in the clear moonlight, beside a calm lake. They were not elfin folk. They were human beings. The air was sweet, and the sisters disappeared into the forest. The fragrance of the air grew sweeter. Three coffins, in which lie the three sisters, glide out of the forest and across the lake. The fireflies hover about them like little flickering lights. Are the dancing sisters sleeping or are they dead? The fragrance of the flowers says they are dead, and the evening bell tolls for their funeral."

Of course this immediately bring to memory the quote of Jon Snow with Val: “The light of the half-moon turned Val’s honey-blond hair a pale silver and left her cheeks as white as snow. She took a deep breath. “The air tastes sweet.”” Well then, according to Hans Christian Andersen, that means death. There are three sisters here which could allude to the three queens at the almost end of GoT: Cersei Lannister (red), Sansa Stark (blue) and Daenerys Targaryen (white).

So those are my stab at it. I would be interested to hear if anyone’s take on it.

[gstqaobc]

����💜💜HI FROM PG💜💜💜

💜💜💜HI FROM PG💜💜💜

Hello there everybody! I thought I would send a message or a post and just let you all know that I miss you and I miss being a very active part of Skippy‘s blog!!

I had my second vaccination the Astrazeneca on Tuesday and had my doctor assessment yesterday and my arm is getting better it’s still is not 100% so I am taking it low and slow and using the dictation software. I know so many of you have left messages such kind words of love and support and I really really really appreciate them! And I want to say a special message to💜🙏🏻💜 CHERUB, 💜🙏🏻💜you know that you are  in my  prayers every single day. Jesus is with you he will never leave you or for sake you no matter what happens. I will be back probably in another week I think with if my arm continues as it is progressing.

Now I have a few things I wanna say about what’s happening here first I wanna say the visit to Scotland was a rousing success and as usual our Catherine slayed Fashion wise and interpersonal skills wise! I saw someone write a comment that they didn’t like her in the brown and the khaki but I had commented a couple of weeks ago when she wore that beautiful camel coloured coat that I wish she would wear browns and taupes more often so I was just elated to see her wear those long wide leg pants that were hemmed exactly as they should be not dragging on the ground! I just think that this couple can do no wrong and they both very well for the future! Now I am not biased by my affection for the Cambridge is at all ha ha Ha! By the way I received my Hold Still book this week and I also received from Royal Mail Her Majesty’s at 95th birthday stamp first day cover and coin which was reasonably price I think £20? Anyhow the book is very substantial and because of my left arm being the way it is I have yet to be able to look at it because it’s quite heavy and it is a huge book, but I am looking forward to the day when I can hold it and I can enjoy looking at the pictures! Again I say Catherine kudos to you on your fabulous projects! Catherine I also wonder if you’re stealing my word wowza because when you met with Mila for tea, you said wowza as she showed her dress twirling. I’m wondering are you borrowing from PG?? Aka me?? 😂😂😂🤣🤣Catherine you are most welcome to share the word while that I think we are the only two people on the planet that still say it ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

OK now onto our Harry. Heads together in the UK and many other mental health organizations around the world are doing fabulous work. CBT or cognitive behavioural therapy, cognitive restructuring, EDMR, Hipnosis, that’s spelt wrong but hey I’m dictating hypnosis is spelled HYPNO either we go anyhow those are all legitimate therapies done when they’re done by trained professionals! One thing that has always driven me crazy about Oprah and Dr. Phil who is her who is her surrogate,  is they do mumbo-jumbo therapy on tv and have people share their just horrific interpersonal stories with an audience and a television audience! It just it just sickens me to make people so vulnerable for attention and ratings and money and advertising! When I saw Harry doing the tapping and whatever I just felt whether he was doing it for real or whether he’s towing the line as I believe it is just so wrong to show somebody at their most vulnerable!! It just sickens me.

However let’s let us ask ourselves why is this happening now? When ‘her’, l will continue to use the descriptor ‘her’ was doing all the talking a.k.a. lying because every time her lips move we know she’s lying and now she’s been silent. But for the last well since about the time that the Duke of Edinburgh passed away Harry allegedly has flown back to the to the United States where apparently he’s lived for two years one article said which surprises me but anyways what what’s truth and in articles. And he has been everywhere good morning America that all these Apple things with Oprah and celebrities and doing this and that and the other all for mental health!

You know sometimes it’s too much of a good thing. There’s a lot of excellent organizations in Canada there’s a CMH a Canadian mental health Association all over the world. But this constant stream of video and him in our face that’s not normal and the things he saying or lies and their provable lies that they’re not difficult at all. This is NOT NORMAL! IT IS A DELIBERATE OVERSATURATION FILLED WITH SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES IN THE VIDEOS, TRUST ME, SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES IN ADVERTISING IS REAL. TAKE A MAGNIFYING GLASS TO A FASHION MAGAZINE AND LOOK CLOSELY. YOU WILL BE AMAZED WHAT IS EMBEDDED IN THEM. JUST LIKE THE DISNEY VIDEOS THAT WERE SHOWN TO HAVE ADULT DRAWINGS.

In knowing Harry’s dedication to his Queen, his grandmother and his grandfather why on earth would he pick the first few days after the funeral to dig in like this and go so public? Why? We really must ask ourselves why? I will tell you why he is continuing to expose evil! There are all kinds of organizations that I’m not gonna name any “churches” some start with the letter S which many celebrities are members of Tom C is one. These organizations manipulate people and just like the NIXVM did in Canada. These backers are evil people and they’re willing to use people for anything in anyway at any purpose. The last picture I saw of Harry it was a video but I didn’t watch the video he looks so pale and so gaunt and so unwell that even though I believe he is doing the right thing and exposing all this and eventually hopefully eventually this will wrap up with him being free and everyone brought to justice let’s hope and pray, this is taking a terrible toll on him an absolute terrible toll. I have to again harken back to London scoop, everything has come to pass that she foretold way back several years ago when she came upon this information about this plot. I did a post one post last week where I propose the thought that the plot to integrate the British royal family began in the 1990s with princess Diana and I still believe that. I don’t know all the reasons or who the people would be but things things are just smelling very funny very very funny and I don’t mean funny as in laughter I mean funny as an off off off off!!!

So I say let us continue to pray for our Queen her family pray for the Cambridges, that they all stay safe and healthy the whole family to especially pray for Harry, whether do you think he’s doing his duty or you think he’s fallen under her trap and has become some whimpering child, pray for him all the more then because he needs it. If you really believe that he is he is doing this on his own free will because he’s mesmerized by her or he is woke and has become part of the woke world my goodness he needs more prayer than ever! To be released from these bondages!!

OK kids that’s my more than my two cents worth! As you all know it’s never one word thing with me I am very elaborative! I miss you all miss you and you all know who you are! Take care sending you all my love and prayers, PG!! I beg you all please don’t forget about me because I shall return I shall return!

To my dear Skippy, thank you for always being there. Thank you for relay messages. Most especially thank you for this safe space, your friendship and your prayers.

To my MM Anon/ Kensington Anon, thank you so much for your kind messages of love and support I have really appreciated it. I just feel like I’ve let everybody down by not being able to do the stories about the Cambridges. But I shall return soon hopefully in a week I’ll see how my arm is but it’s getting better hopefully in a week. I hope this finds you well, I hope you read this I don’t know if you ever checked my blog but if you do you will see this here.

💜🙂🙏🏻✝️💟PG💟✝️🙂🙏🏻💜

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿

[alreadyblondenow]

PROMise

Mark Lee x reader // FLUFF, SMUTT, 

Part of PROM SERIES: MARK LEE

Themes: high school! au, prom! au, strangers to lovers, college senior Mark, high school senior reader 

Word count: 5k

Summary: While enjoying the heavenly minutes of the game Seven Minutes of Heaven, he offered to be your prom date and you accepted it. The problem is, do you remember doing that? Will he keep his promise and go to prom with you?

Warnings: Older Mark, A LOT of alcohol, mentions of other idols, angel believer reader, swearing, accidental virginity loss but with consent, mentions of assault but I promise he didn’t do anything wrong :(, drunk sex, really drunk sex, fingering, rough sex, protected sex, unprotected sex, mentions of handjob and blowjob

A/N: I notice I don’t focus more on prom with the other two stories before this. But now here it is hehe, a week before prom. I focused more the preparations during prom, posting posters, getting the tickets, the dress, and getting ditched. :)) I also made this fic for the people who went to prom alone and just enjoyed the night without dates.

1 WEEK BEFORE PROM NIGHT

Finding what to wear to your cousin Seulgi’s party is taking you so long because you really don’t feel like going. You would rather feel the pain from your recent breakup, stress over organizing prom, and be sad because you might not attend it anyways. But instead of being miserable, you force yourself to look decent and head out.  

With no glow in your eyes or fun within your system, you made your way to your cousin’s surprisingly quiet house... A party without noise? You almost thought that you had your dates mixed but as soon as you knocked on their door Seulgi came bolting to you for a hug with a beer on her hand. “Where is everybody? Am I early or something?” you asked her, following her to the living room.

“No silly you’re late, the others are almost half drunk. What took you so long?”

Turns out it was just a small get together, eight people invited including you. All of them are on the carpeted floor playing cards, laughing, drinking hard liquor. They all seem so close and not familiar because they’re all your cousin’s college friends. “Okay quick roll call for Seulgi’s cousin please starting with me, hi I’m Johnny”

“Taeil”

“Irene”

“Wendy”

“Jungwoo”

“Mark”

Jungwoo motions you to the girls and proceeds to continue the game that they're playing. It’s obvious that he’s already drunk and that the only sober left is you and the Mark guy whom you noticed have been checking you out. Subtly.  

No matter how fun the game is, how much Jungwoo made you laugh, how many alcoholic beverages you’ve been drinking, you can still feel the sadness and brokenness that you’re so desperate to forget. It’s been three days since Jaemin broke up with you, but you still feel suffocated and choked because of what happened. As you drink the three shots of tequila Seulgi handed you, you begged to the high angels to please please please make you numb because you can’t take it anymore.  

“Mind if I join in? I feel like Johnny is about to puke on me any second, I’m just saving myself” Mark made his way next to you, sitting on the corner near you, and poured himself three shots of tequila. Even though you’re not in the right mind tonight, you didn’t miss how handsome he looked with those denim jeans, white shirt, sleeves rolled twice that exposes his arms perfectly.

Did the angels answer your prayers already?

The way Mark talk is like a drug to you and he’s like a magnet that makes you want to cling to him. He’s way older than you and way matured but he’s fun. Telling you stories that described him best, introducing himself in the most fun way while he hands you tequila shots. The next thing you know the bottle is almost empty because you and Mark enjoyed each other’s company, busy with your own little world in the corner of the Kang’s living room.

“How about you what’s your story? You look so lifeless when you came in earlier” he hands you another shot and you happily take it before you tell him what bothers you.

“Three days ago my boyfriend- I mean ex, uh broke up with me. Prom is on Saturday and uh- I’m the one organizing it. Thought maybe I’ll save myself and just not go” you pour yourself another drink to distract yourself from the slight pang in your heart that you felt just by talking about it with someone for the first time.

“I'm happy that the universe saved you from a jerk such as your ex, I think you’re going to do a great job organizing the prom and because of you, everyone will have a magical night. Do me a favor and save some of that magic for yourself” Everything that came out of his mouth is right. The angels did answer your prayers, they sent Mark Lee.

Finally, the alcohol is kicking in and you’re getting even more drunk and numb to each shot that Mark gives you. “I think everyone here is drunk already except you, Mark Lee” you don’t know but you’re way too close to him already while you two are still drinking.  

“We can handle our alcohol, besides we still have nine bottles to finish. See Johnny over there, all he has to do is puke. That’s his restart button, then he’s sober again”

It amazed you how partying with older people is different from the parties you’re used to attending. This party is small, but it’s still wild as a whole ass house party.

“Next game! Seven minutes of Heaven, Mark hand me that damn bottle you selfishly finished with y/n” Johnny gathered everyone in a circle and you feel like the effect of the tequila is kicking in so hard.

You thought it’s the normal Seven Minutes of Heaven game but it’s not. The game is simple. Finish the ten shots of tequila with your designated partner if you really want to get in that room. That way, the others will know it’s not against your will and all is safe.

“Were all adults here, okay. Two rules, finish the shot before going in and nothing comes out in that room. Do whatever you want. Slap each other, fight, kiss… fuck. Whatever. But you need to finish ten shots of tequila first before you enter the room”

It’s all fun and games until they started to admit what they actually do inside the room. Johnny and Seulgi admitted that they kissed, Wendy and Taeil kissed, and now you’re starting to get nervous because the bottle picked you. You don’t know who will go to that room with you but you seriously hope the bottle will point at Mark because he’s the only person you’re comfortable with.

“Okay. Mark and y/n. You’re up” Johnny hands the shots that you and Mark finished easily. Everyone saw the obvious sexual tension between the two of you and they secretly hope you two will have a great time.

The moment the door closes, Mark closed the lights and pushed you to the wall kissing your lips hungrily in the dark with want and lust which you gladly returned. Desperate to feel something other than the hurt that Jaemin planted in your heart. You grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer to you. Tongues danced with each other’s mouths, hands explore everywhere they want.

Everything happened so fast and only your moans and Mark’s grunts are the sounds that surround the room, no one is talking because the clock is ticking. He lifts your skirt, put a little spit on his fingers, and slips his hand inside your panties to draw circles on your clit that felt oh so good.

“I can go to prom to with you if you want me to,” he said, in between kisses while his fingers are making you feel good. Too drunk to even think straight, you said “Yes please” with sharp gasps and delicious moans as you cum on his fingers but he didn’t stop until you’re overstimulated.

Enjoying the heat after your high, legs too weak but Mark is quick to catch you. “Sit your ass down cutie,” he says as he helps you sit on the floor and reached for the switch to the lights, and kissed you on the cheek. He looked at his watch to check how much time you guys have, four minutes. You smiled so weakly to him, still drunk from the alcohol and his kisses but at least you have a date for prom already.

You two talked so sweetly as you tell him more details for the prom. Mark has this duality that one second he can be a gentleman but also he can be so wild and irresistible. “Promise me you’ll go okay? I’m too drunk right now, I might not remember it but I doubt because you’re so charming” he chuckled and grabbed your hand to kiss your knuckles.

“I promise”

The next day, you found yourself sleeping on the couch with someone’s arm around you and recognized Mark’s denim pants and your dress on the carpeted floor together with the mess from last night’s events. You try to remember what happened but you really can’t. The last memory you had is eating Cheetos and that’s it.

As quickly as you can, you rolled from the couch and let yourself fall on the carpeted floor and be released from Mark’s warm embrace which woke him up. “Good morning cutie,” he said with a husky voice and cute smile that made your heart beat faster but you shrugged it off, gathered your clothes, and ignored him.

How can the angels let you lose your virginity in a couch with a stranger you barely knew. Tears started to form in the corner of your eye as you wear your clothes and try to remember what the fuck happened last night.  

Mark watch you wear your clothes in a hurry, sitting on the couch wearing only his black boxers briefs. He turned silent and disappointed because you can’t remember what happened last night and made him feel bad. “Do you want a ride home?”

“I was a virgin” you finally blurted out, tears falling as you wear your jacket and ready yourself to leave.

“I didn’t know” is all he can say and he watched you leave without saying anything else. Mark was worried because you might feel like he assaulted you but the truth is everything was okay last night. He even asked you at least three times if it’s really okay with you to have sex with him.

While you do some of your prom duties, your mind floats to the only memory you had from the other night. Mark’s words. Do me a favor and save some of that magic for yourself. Other than that you remember him holding your hand tightly and that’s it.

Losing your virginity is scheduled with Jaemin after prom but that cannot happen now because you two have already broken up and you’re not a virgin anymore. As you continue your work for prom contacting people, securing the program, and making sure that it will be unforgettable. Then you remember Mark’s words again. Good thing Seulgi is calling your phone and finally some distraction from everything.

“What happened?” she exclaimed without even saying hi or hello.

You chuckled low and flopped to your bed while you’re holding your phone, “Hi Seulgi”

“Mark made me call you, they all left just now. What happened? Talk to me, you were fine when I left you and Mark making out last night at the couch”

Funny how you didn’t know that happened, you don’t even remember how the kiss felt. “Oh, we were making out? I didn’t know”

“Fuck…” she sighs and lets out a sharp exhale, “Okay, you don’t remember anything from last night. He was worried you maybe thought he assaulted you or something. I know Mark, okay? He’s not a bad guy, though…. a little old for you but, I saw with my own eyes you were smiling last night”

Seulgi spent almost half an hour telling you what happened last night which you all don’t remember. She was so worried about you but honestly, you’re fine, “Okay. I get it. I don’t remember shit and we had sex okay, whatever. But we did it on the fucking couch Seulgi!” your cousin let out a laugh that made you chuckle and soon you laugh loudly too.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. Honestly. As long as I don’t get pregnant or something” you’re both happy you made a joke and you sound like yourself again.

“Don’t worry, he told me you guys used a condom” what a relief you thought. Now you’re curious if the sex was great and clearly you can’t ask Seulgi that because she wouldn’t know.

What Seulgi said to you made your heart at ease, and indeed you don’t feel violated or anything it’s just bothering you that you can’t remember shit. At least he was honest about everything and he used Seulgi to check up on you. Until the end, Mark is still someone the angels sent for you.

MONDAY

After school on a Monday, you were so busy with prom and everything that you forgot that you go to the same school as your ex. You don’t know what sick game Jaemin is playing but he was looking at you deeply whenever you two cross paths.

“What’s up with your ex?” Lia asks you while you two put posters around school for prom this Saturday. “I heard he got a date for prom” she added, completely pissing you off but you don’t tell her.

“For all, I care Lia. For. All. I. Care” you said sternly and continue putting up posters.

“How about you? Who are you going with?”

Do me a favor and save some of that magic for yourself. You heard Mark’s voice again. “No one. You may not see me on prom night actually. Prom night screams ’Na Jaemin’ fucking asshole promised me a great night.” the truth finally came out, you do care about Jaemin’s prom date, your replacement. It makes you tear up whenever you remember how he broke your heart.

“What the fuck? But you made everything about prom happen! Without you, there’s literally no prom! You can go with us, your friends we will have a good time, we can make fun of his new date, who will I vote for Prom Queen now?” Lia frowned in front of you. She can be a bitch sometimes but she’s a great and loyal friend.

“I’ll let you know if I change my mind. But I’ll remove my name from the nominees for Prom Queen, I’m sure Jaemin will win as Prom King I can’t be near that jerk again. Like, ever”

WEDNESDAY

Every student is excited to get their tickets for prom night on Saturday and as part of this week’s preparation, the booth where the students can get their tickets is now open. It makes you happy to see your friends support you with this big event that you’re planning and it makes you, even more, happier to see them get their tickets with their dates on their side. Besides that, even though you’re not sure about your appearance for prom, random students kept on saying that they will vote for you as Prom Queen and they can’t wait to see your dress.

The dress. You haven’t picked it up yet from the tailor shop because you don’t want to see it. One glance of its perfection will clearly change your mind about not going to prom. And again, you blame Na Jaemin for ruining prom for you way before it commences.

You decided to get the dress after school and put it deep in your closet and never look at its perfection. But the dress has some kind of magnet and some voices are whispering behind your ear that pushes you to open it.

Fuck it.

With false bravery, you looked at your perfect prom dress and it did work its magic to you. You remember how Jaemin asked you to prom and it felt like he was asking you to marry him, it was a perfect night. You remember how you two practiced dancing when you’re finally crowned as Prom King and Queen. But you also remember how you caught him with some girl in his bed and it made you hate him again and zipped the fucking garment bag and put your prom dress deep in your closet.

FRIDAY

On the last day before prom night, you made sure you wore the perfect fake smile in front of everyone so no one would know what you’re actually dealing with. Entertaining every question they threw at you as if it’s not affecting you, may it be a question about Jaemin, your prom dress, your new date that doesn’t exist.

“People can be real assholes to you Y/n, I’m sorry that this is happening to you before prom” Lia comforts you before she goes to her nail appointment that you canceled going with her last minute because you don’t feel like pampering for something you’re not sure on doing.

“It’s okay. Enjoy the nail appointment, I have to do something last minute actually” that’s right, you overwork yourself so you won't get to think about prom tomorrow.

Before you leave for school, you made sure everything is perfect and in the right place for the big event tomorrow because who knows, maybe you really won't show up. Looking around the place for the last time, you smiled and patted yourself on the shoulder because you made a pretty great job of bringing this magical event to life.  

You went to the coffee shop near your house to do some thinking and soul searching before you go home and cry your heart out about prom. A bottle of Jack Daniel’s would be so perfect right now with the right company, but you figured getting shitfaced the night before prom is not the right thing to do so you pour your heart out on drinking as much hot chocolate as you can.

And on your third cup of hot chocolate, someone bravely sat in front of you and dared to ruin your grieving moment about prom. Wearing a black cap, a white oversized shirt, and black denim pants. You almost didn’t recognize him because of his round glasses that made him look so young.

The angels must be working pretty hard right now because they brought Mark Lee in your life again.

“Having a rough day?” he asks, looking in your eyes deeply.

“Yeah” you answered coldly.

“Ready for the prom tomorrow?” Mark knew all too well that you don’t remember the promise he made to you. But a promise is a promise.

“Can we talk about something else?” you’re aware of what you feel towards Mark. And it's obvious that you’re happy with his presence now just like that night at Seulgi’s where you two were finishing that bottle all by yourselves.

“How about we go somewhere else instead?” he boldly asks, you turned your head around seeing the sun go down already, looking at the time that you didn’t notice you’ve been in the cafe for almost four hours already. So you shook your head and told him you’re not sure.

“Trust me” he stood up from his seat and held out his hand for you to take. And just like that, he got you again. He brought you to the grocery store to buy every comfort food you like. From picking ready to eat watermelons in the fruits section, choosing chips, and buying the biggest ones and you’ve thought hard how did he know about your favorite ice cream flavor.

Trusting Mark has become something easy to do even though you still can’t remember how you two ended up having sex on the couch. As long as you feel safe around him while you eat a bag of chips while he drives, you’re good with him being beside you. And besides, Seulgi told you that he’s a good man.

After the grocery shopping with Mark that you think went great and fun at the same time, he then drove you somewhere quiet and peaceful, away from the high school drama that’s been suffocating you.

You watch him make a picnic set up on the grass under the deep blue sky with stars, using his jacket as the picnic blanket. He pats the space where you can sit comfortably beside him, putting all the food near the both of you. Just like that night at Seulgi’s, Mark made you forget everything that stresses you out because he made you laugh and smile with all his stories.

“Mark” you’re now looking at the sky, laying beside each other. He made you use his arm as a pillow so you won't get grass on your hair. Happy does not suffice the feeling that he gave you tonight because he made you feel more than happy.

“Hmm?”

“I remember asking my angels to please take away the pain that I’ve been feeling in my chest. And this may sound crazy but, I think they sent you”

“I know and I believe you because an angel told me” with all his bravery he put his other hand around your waist and pulled your closer to him. “I know because you told me” he nuzzles your hair, as he remembered how it smells exactly the same the night you two were having sex.

You returned his embrace and went closer to him, feeling that familiar warmth then suddenly you were having flashbacks from that fateful night. You remember he offered to take you to prom and he promised, “Oh now I get it!” you release yourself from his embrace and he has no idea why you’re suddenly feeling excited. “You’re here to tell me that you promised to go to prom with me”

He sat up too and face you, scratching head as he nods. “And,” he let out a sigh, “I’m also here to tell you that I have this job interview tomorrow and uh, I don’t want you to keep your hopes up. I think you should still go, let's have dinner I promise. Think of it as a private prom for you and me."

And once again, you feel like you’ve been rejected for prom. After making a magical prom happen for a lot of people, you surely can’t make yours happen. And you’re not even asking for too much, but it feels like the world is doing everything just to stop you from coming to prom.

Nonetheless, you thanked Mark for a wonderful night even though it ended bitterly. The last thing you want to do right now is going home disappointed even though a great guy took you out on a night picnic. He brought you home safe, a little late but it’s fine. “Hey, it’s okay. You made me happy tonight” you made sure to not make him feel bad just because he can’t fulfill his promise.

And to give him something to look forward to, you unbuckle your seatbelt and kissed him. Mark did the same thing and you feel him smile in between the sweet kisses that you’ll surely remember this time, “good luck on your interview okay?” you gave him another peck before you leave him “make me proud”

That night, you slept like a baby which you haven’t been doing for a while now. All thanks to Mark, you woke up on prom day happy and not sad. You don’t know how he convinced you to still go and hope that he could still make it, but he promised dinner. Think of it as a private prom for you and me. You remember his own words again you couldn’t wait for prom to be over. Is this what it feels like to date someone older? No drama like that shit Jaemin put you through.

Mark: Good morning angel, can’t wait to see you tonight. :)

As you get ready for prom, you made sure to let yourself feel that you’re winning today even though you’re not a candidate for being Prom Queen anymore. You bring that confidence back again and promised yourself that you will not flash a fake smile tonight and you will wear the smile Mark gave you.

You open the garment bag with a happy heart now, and you finally felt that excitement for prom again. It feels good to be wearing the perfect prom dress, not for someone who doesn’t appreciate you, but you wear it because it’s something you’ve been dreaming to do since you were just a freshman.

Mark: Hope you received the corsage I sent you. :)

You: Right on time, thank you. It's beautiful!!!

People will talk tonight because you went to prom without Jaemin on your side. Now that the word is out, and people finally knew about the truth, you couldn’t care less. As usual, you make sure that everything is perfect for tonight so your friends can have an unforgettable night.

Instead of sitting and waiting for prom to finally end, you danced and danced with your friends until you can’t feel your feet anymore. Singing to Taylor Swift songs with your other single friends while you watch the couples and the ones with dates dance and make it a special night.

And when the time finally came, Mark is waiting outside your school. Leaning on his car, wearing his suit and tie, he even bought himself a boutonniere to complete his prom attire.

“Sorry, I’m late cutie. Wow you look-“

“Like an angel?” you jumped to him and he twirls you effortlessly, making your dress flow perfectly.

“Yes like an angel, but I was going to say you look like you’re going to be fucked on the bed tonight” he whispered oh so sexily near your ear and kiss you on the cheek. He made sure Jaemin would see it.

During the car ride, you told him everything that happened during prom while his left hand is on the stirring wheel and his right hand is holding your hand. Reminding you that he’s here already and that he’s going to make this night memorable for you. He laughed at the story about the other kids putting alcohol on their drinks and you even told him that Lia was the one crowned Prom Queen instead of you and that she’s the one who suffered dancing with Jaemin in front of everyone.

“Don’t worry, you’re going to dance with me tonight. And you’re going to be my Prom Queen every day. You’re my Valentine's Queen, New Year’s Eve Queen, heck you’re my Thanksgiving Queen” you were laughing so hard while he showers your hand with kisses because he cant reach for your lips.

It was a simple dinner at a fancy hotel that you two enjoyed plenty because the food is good. It was pretty late already but the place was filled with adults who came to have dinner, business meetings, or gathering. “Can I have this dance?” he then offered his hand to take you once again in your own little world. Swaying to the live jazz playing in the background, slow dancing with him closely.

“Sucks that I’m too drunk to remember my first time” you tsked at him playfully smiling so sweetly to what you just said.

“Believe me the first time was awesome. You were so awesome that you made me cum at least three times” there he is again with that sexy voice you love hearing.

“I really did? Wow, I didn’t know I can do that” it surprised you truly.

“Yes, once using your hand, your mouth, and your pussy. You were completely in control that night that’s why I was so shocked the next day, I thought you were just as experienced as I am. So for tonight, please give me a chance?” he pouts so cutely in front of you and you nod your head yes, “But seriously though, I’m sorry you can’t remember what happened. At least it's still us tonight, right? Can you please not run away the next morning?”

“Yes. I promise” you sealed it with a kiss, still swaying with the music.

“Shall we?” he motions you towards the exit and went straight to the elevator.

Just like at Seulgi’s the moment the door closes, Mark’s lips crashed to yours but this time he’s careful and gentle. His lips made you remember what you guys did during the game of Seven Minutes in Heaven and it made you chuckle inside.

As you two lay naked and kissing on the bed, you feel Mark’s body on top of you, his perfectly sculpted abs press on your soft skin. He reached for one of your hands for you to grasp tightly while he prepares your cunt and plays with your slit before he fucks you. Now you remember why you had that memory of holding Mark’s hand tightly.

“Condoms or not?” he asks while kissing your neck deliciously making your hips roll on his hard cock.

“You’re the expert, what do you prefer?” you swing your arms around his neck, cupping his face and caressing his cheeks with your thumb. Admiring Mark’s handsomeness believing that this handsome man is yours.

“I prefer raw, but I figured this is actually your first time and maybe you’ll freak out after. Do you trust me enough to not use a condom?” it was a hard question and an important question.

“Condom is important, but I do trust you Mark” he smiled and nod his head, going back to kissing your neck while spreading your legs wider. You watch him line his cock to your entrance and you look into each other’s eyes while he thrust inside you slowly.

This isn’t your first time but it feels like it is, you feel so full and your breathing is getting faster as he rolls his hips deliciously, gliding his cock in and out of your pussy. You moan his name, “Mark” with an airy tone he oh so loved. Kissing your lips, catching every sound you make. Everything felt so slow and good as if the world just stopped the moment you two were having sex again.

“Want me to make you remember how intense our first time was?” his lips were on your cheek, spreading kissing on your face while he continues thrusting inside you.

“This is not how we fucked on that couch?” he shook his head ‘no’ and your eyes widened when his pace suddenly went faster than before.

“You were on top of me angel,” he said, “you were holding my hands tightly and keeping them away from touching you” he did the same thing, but the moment he put both of your hands above your head his lips went in between the valley of your boobs and he quickly licked and sucked your nipples. You can only whine. “Oh I’ve always wanted to do that to you, but you didn’t let me”

Flashbacks kept playing in your head of you fucking Mark so hard that night that you needed to cover his mouth while he was cumming. “Fuck, yeah I remember,” you said with heavy breaths, trying so hard to talk.

“You remember doing this to me, angel?”

Thrust.

Thrust.

Thrust.

You grunt so hard and you feel your boobs bounce as he gave you three hard piercing thrust, imitating what you did to him when you were the one on top last time. It made you smile and moan his name again and again. You were both smiling and chuckling while he roughs you up but little did you know he’s now preparing to make you remember him.

He pulled away from the kisses on your neck but the thrusts never stopped. His thumb brushes on your swollen lips, traveling down to your neck, tracing the valley between your boobs and cupping your boobs with both his hand. He fucked you hard while looking directly in your eyes, watching you moan and roll your eyes to the back until you cum and close your legs.

He pulls out his cock and went back to kissing you softly, whispering soft apologies but your pull him to an embrace while you’re still shivering and sensitive.

“Okay cutie, come down from your high first. I got you” he soothes your back while he watches you calm down and smile so sweetly with that afterglow. “You look beautiful”

“Can I ride you on the next round?” Mark’s eyes widened when he heard that you want a second round, he didn’t expect that at all but he was happy you’re having a great time with him.

The last memory you have of your prom night is Mark smiling weakly beneath you while you ride him good and this time, you remember every detail the moment you wake up in bed with Mark. Arms wrapped around each other, bodies covered with white hotel sheets, shivering because of the cold temperature.

“Good morning cutie” he whispered beside you and kissed your shoulder “You didn’t run away, I’m happy.”

MAIN MASTERLIST

Story Time 

I was suppose to attend my senior prom last minute just because i dont have a date, but my friends made sure I had a great time. 

And also, y’all prom is not only about dates, its a great night dress up with your friends and dance crazy with them while wearing a 300 dollar dress

[hongnanglen-arina]

The Ulzzang Project - Part 3 | Jeon Wonwoo

 Read part 2  Read part 4

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Genre: a little fluff and angst, crack

Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x female reader

Warnings: well, not too angsty I guess but I didn’t re-read.. oh and alcohol consuming

Words: 3.3k

A/N: Hello hello! Sorry for the rather long wait! I thought it could spice it up if someone else is thrown into the pot hehehe (: as always, I’d be happy to know your thoughts about it. Please remember that English isn’t my first language so excuse my grammar ♡

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You tapped the pencil against your chin. Working on a presentation wasn’t your thing and especially the beginning was the most stressful part, always. A brainstorming sketch was on a sheet of paper in front of you and between the person you were with. It was nice to work on it at a public place and you loved to have cafe sounds in the background. That’s why you suggested this cafe in the first place. You’ve already finished on a couple of presentations here and the vibe this cafe was giving you helped a lot. But you weren’t sure if it was the right decision today - for this presentation. You couldn’t hear the familiar sounds of people talking and relaxing with the coffee machine preparing the next order. All you could hear was whispering. Loud whispering. And you could feel the stares shooting holes in your body from every angle possible.

“We should write down some notes for the first part. Hasn’t be too much. Like in 20 minutes we compare our notes and decide what’s best?” You tried to ignore the glares you got, looking at the boy in front of you.

Yoon Jeonghan.

Actually you liked your professor but his idea to team you up with Jeonghan for this statistics project was stupid. All your prayers that he would change his mind or that Jeonghan would complain so much that you would get a different partner were useless. After he saw who you were, he even insisted doing it with you and you didn’t understand why.

So you just settled with the thought of doing it. Not that you had another option anyways.

But all those girls who were watching you two made you uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable.

Your project partner leaned back. “I’m fine if you start. I’m sure your pretty head is very useful for this.”

Somehow it didn’t surprise you. His attitude was exactly like you had assumed after everything you head… and also after seeing his Instagram. Was this boy really of no use? Tall and handsome but an asshole? Although you weren’t surprised, you still had some hope that not all good looking people were bad. Best example, your best friend Wonwoo.

The thought of Wonwoo caused you to sigh. Yesterday at this time, you were sitting outside on a bench with your friends. You could even see the place from where you were stuck with Jeonghan if you looked outside the window. After you discovered the new post with Wonwoo’s text, your break was over and everyone left for their next subject. Up until now you weren’t sure what he meant with it. It had to be a joke. Just something to gain more followers and likes. Something fitting for your fake couple page. But why did it make your heart skip a beat when you first saw it? You didn’t know what to say to your best friend or how to address the topic so you thought you would let him take the first step, which hadn’t happened. It made you angry for no reason.

You sighed again. This time louder.

“Are you mad at me?”

Jeonghan’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. “What?”

“You didn’t react when I was talking to you so I got worried.”

Quickly lowering your gaze, you flipped around an empty page, readjusting the pencil in your hand. “Oh no no, don’t worry. Everything’s okay. I already have some ideas for our project. Just give me a moment.”

The person in front of you smiled widely at your reply, which you missed out on because you were already scribbling down while your brain was working and distracting itself from your male best friend.

“Oh great! I can leave then, yes? Thank you y/n. We can discuss our project later. Maybe tomorrow, same time same place?” He got up from his chair and was about to turn around with a ‘bye’ when you stood up as well, calling his name.

“Yoon Jeonghan, let me remind you. This is a group project. A group project is supposed to be done as a group. In a group. You may decide who will focus on which part but what you just said sounded as if you expect me to do everything alone. Please tell me I’m wrong.”

He turned around to face you again, the smile still on his lips. “I knew your pretty head was useful. You got it absolutely right. I’m looking forward to the outcome. See you tomorrow then, y/n!”

He really was an asshole.

“Stop you little shit!”

Suddenly it was quiet around you but you didn’t care. You were angry.

“The fact that I was writing and actually trying to be productive wasn’t a hint for you to stand up and go away. I want to do this because I have to. No matter if you’re my partner or someone else. Knowing you better shows me that I would probably be happier with someone else that’s not as ignorant and dumb as you. I really hoped you would prove me wrong but it’s just the looks that you have. Everything else is bad. Anyways, if you leave now, I will talk to our prof and tell him about it. I won’t do it with you if you let me work alone. I will give you one more chance or I’m the one that’s off. So?”

Jeonghan looked at you with wide eyes. 

You were the first girl. The first that wasn’t following him. That wasn’t only agreeing to everything he said. The first girl that wasn’t head over heels for him.

You were different.

“So?” You repeated, slightly impatient. There were quite some places you would rather be right now than here with Yoon Jeonghan and is admires who were glaring at you for not treating him as the hottest and most wanted man on campus. Who came up with this nonsense anyways!?

“What.. do you… want me to do?” He finally asked you and the way he was standing in front of you seemed as if he was confused, scared even.

“The presentation. It has to be done. And for that, you and I will sit here and work on it.”

He slowly flops down on his chair again and for once you thought he looked cute but you quickly shook the thought off before sitting down again as well, taking your pencil again.

As you wanted to continue writing, you heard him clear his throat, causing you to look up from your paper. “What is it?”

“… can you give me a pen and paper?” 

It took you a second until you gave him the things he asked you for. Maybe he had nothing to write. Whatever the reason, you felt great that you made the ‘holy’ Jeonghan work on the project. Maybe he wasn’t an asshole after all.

—

You sat on the floor, back resting against you bed as you took a sip of the new smoothie your mother made. There were too many ingredients, you could only remember it had apple, chia, spinach and banana in it. 

Without noticing, your sleepy mind trailed from how you were working on your presentation with Jeonghan to the boy from your shared Instagram account. There was still no message on your phone from him. Did he just write it underneath the post without a meaning? Were you the only one who was trying to read between the lines to understand what he might wanted to say?

Absentmindedly you grabbed your phone to catch up with the things you missed while being with Jeonghan the whole day after your classes. After seeing again that there was no new message from Wonwoo in you chat app - only one from Chan, asking you if you had seen the new choreography video of a dance team you two liked - you changed the app and scrolled through your Instagram feed. Nothing interesting nor new. On Wonwoo’s personal page was no update. On your shared one was no update. Bored, you clicked the like button on a photo of Dokyeom and his selfmade pizza which looked amazing and a photo of Hoshi’s tiger plushie with the text ‘horanghae’. 

Sighing, the thought of your friend still bothered you. It unusual for him to be this quiet all day. Maybe you should take the first step and just start a conversation? Casually? There was still a high possibility that he wrote the sentence without a meaning so why not say hi?

[Y/n] Hey, what’s up?

Was that casual enough?

2 Minutes passed. No response.

5 Minutes passed. Still no response.

“Why is he like this?!” You whined, letting yourself fall to the side so you were lying on the floor when your mother came into your room after knocking twice. 

“Are you alright dear? Are you exhausted from uni? Or is my smoothie bad?? You can tell me honestly, I won’t get mad, I promise.”

You pouted and mouthed ‘uni’ and she nodded understandingly. “Rest then. You know, if you need anything, tell me. I can cook your favorite dish or prepare dessert. I can read you a book or cuddle you to sleep-“

“Mom!”

She laughed and waved apologetic. “Understand. My little girl isn’t so little anymore. Just call whenever you need me. I’ll be in the living room watching my drama.”

You thanked her and watched her leave your room.

Automatically you looked at your phone again, opening Instagram. While you were working on your presentation with Jeonghan, you two exchanged numbers and followed each other on the app. You had an actually nice conversation and got to know him a little better. He wasn’t so snobbish as you though he would be.

Your eyes were glued on Jeonghan’s update from 2 hours ago. It was a photo of you how you were concentrated on writing down your part from your project, two milkshakes in front of you. His had less while your own drink was almost full and untouched because you had a rush of ideas and decided to write them down before it disappeared. You didn’t know he took a photo. That’s when you saw the text he added to the photo.

Interesting. She might become a candidate (:

A candidate for what?? Cocking your head to the side, you wanted to know what he meant with it when your phone chimed, telling you about a new message. When you saw that it was from Wonwoo, your fingers tapped faster to read it.

[Wonwoo] Bored to death. You?

[Y/n] Same. Park in 30? Crave ice cream…

Maybe you replied too fast but you didn’t care. You were just happy he was talking to you even though you weren’t sure why you were worried he wouldn’t. There was no issue between the two of you or was it?

[Wonwoo] Deal. See ya

Although you were relieved he replied and even agreed to seeing you but something in you was still worried for some reason. But you couldn’t deny the little excitement in the back of your mind.

After finishing your smoothie and making your mother happy with it, you complimented her before leaving the apartment to meet up with Wonwoo. Even though it was dark outside, the fact that you were going to meet your childhood friend made your mother worry less. She knew that he was a good person and if something scary would occur, he would defend or help you first. 

With the familiar cheers and wishes that ‘your mother would be overly happy if you two would finally get together as a couple’, you left your home and made your way to the little park. You wondered if Wonwoo was already there. 

While you were walking, your thoughts traveled to everything that happened over the last few days. 

Last weekend, when you decided to start your shared Instagram and act as an ulzzang couple just to see how many likes and followers you could get within a month. The seemingly normal texts under his posts that made your heart skip a beat. The way he babied you more than once which he had never done before. The overall vide he gave was different. You could still recognize your bestie but there was something that had changed but you weren’t able to tell why that was or what it caused. 

Then to uni. Your presentation with the infamous Yoon Jeonghan who you disliked from the second you were introduced to him through your friends and their knowledge about him. He was too handsome that he just had to be arrogant and ignorant. It turned out that he is from the outside but strangely after you scolded him in front of everyone else in the cafe, he was very nice and cooperative all of a sudden. He even told you that he would work on the middle part and you could go through it tomorrow. You still didn’t fully believe him so you might prepare something in case it was all a lie. But you could do that tomorrow. Today your priority was Wonwoo.

When you arrived at the park, he wasn’t there. Maybe you were too happy and walked too fast?

Looking around and making sure that he really wasn’t around, you slowly made your way to the swing and sat down, slightly moving back and forth with your feet on the ground and hands around the chains on each side. You looked down when out of nowhere fear crept up your spine. 

Oh your friends: the ‘what if’s’.

What if he was disappointed in you for whatever reason? Maybe for not texting him sooner? What if he was mad at you for not using your shared account? At least not as often as he did? What if he wasn’t happy about Jeonghan teaming up with you for the presentation? But then again, it wasn’t your decision. He couldn’t blame you.

You shook your head. Those questions should go away. 

You knew why they have appeared.

Because you missed your best friend.

And combined with the fact that you felt his attitude was different over the last week just added to your pile of anxiety. 

A soft tap on your shoulder caused you to snap out of your thoughts. Wonwoo was standing beside you with melon ice cream in his hands, offering you one.

“Heard you wanted ice cream?”

Immediately, you smiled at him, a warmth rushing through your body as you finally saw your friend again and him paying attention to you intensified the relieve.

“Thank you.”

You took one and started eating it while Wonwoo sat down on the other swing, both of you enjoying your ice cream in silence. The noises of your surroundings were kind of far away from you, looking for words to start a conversation.

Once you finished, you looked at the boy beside you, just to notice that he was looking at you too.

“I missed you,” you said in unison and the moment your brains progressed it, you two looked away sheepishly.

It was stupid, you had to admit. It only had been a little over 1 day that you haven’t seen your friend but because of the overall situation, you were were like this.

Again, you were looking for words to form a sentence and to distract yourself from the red cheeks. “W-what were you doing when I sent the message?”

His head turned back to you when he started to talk, “I was playing an online game but it wasn’t my day today. They always killed me with ease. Wherever I was hiding, whatever I thought was a good tactic, they found me and ended my sad life. Your message helped. What about you?”

“Did nothing. Well, complimenting my mother on her new smoothie?”

Suddenly Wonwoo was chuckling. “Sometimes I envy you for not living alone as I do.”

“You’re not alone. I’m literally always at your place.”

Your reply made Wonwoo sigh and you tried to figure out why he was feeling down all of a sudden, waiting for him to answer your silent question but he asked you something else, changing the topic.

“How is your presentation going?”

It took you by surprise but you decided to give him an honest answer, just being happy to have a topic to talk about.

“At first I hated Jeonghan but he’s okay. Really. After I got angry at him, he actually worked on it with me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he even volunteered to prepare the middle part. You know, the most important part of the whole thing. He also listened to me and-“

“You got angry at him?”

“U-uh… yeah. That dude wanted to leave me alone and don’t help with it. Can you imagine? He really thought he could get away with it. But not with me, ha!”

He chuckled again, seemingly approving your previous outburst of anger with the other.

While you were watching Wonwoo from the side and admiring his crunched laughter, you remembered his Instagram post and started chewing on the inside of your cheek.

Wonwoo didn’t notice your nervousness as he was shaking his head at the thought of you making a scene in front of his fanclub. He wished he would have seen it happening. Something told him that it wouldn’t be the only occasion for you to lose your temper with him and that he may see it the next time if he sticked to you more often.

“Wanna skip tomorrow’s morning lectures with me?”

The question left your lips faster than you could think and surprised you as well as him when you met Wonwoo’s expression, but his was quickly followed by a smirk.

“Do I smell a mario kart session with greasy food?”

“Yep.”

Hearing his amused snort made you happy for some reason and when he got up and held his hand out for you to grab and follow him, you did as he wordlessly asked and went to his place, hand in hand. Like you often did.

It seemed as if your anxiety was for nothing. He was the same when you arrived at his place, got out of your shoes and offered you a can of beer. He was the same when he asked you what you wanted to eat. He was even the same when he took the last bite of your dish without asking beforehand. And he was the same when he started a fight when he lost against you at mario kart 4 matches in a row. You felt as if it had been a decade since you laughed as much.

You made a mental note not to think too much again when it comes to your best friend.

After a while you two changed to more comfortable clothes as you opened your third can of beer, Wonwoo was on his fourth. That was exactly what you needed. Although it wasn’t the best decision but numbing your previous doubts and fears and enjoying the company of your bestie was the best right now.

“I love spending time with you y/n.”

Thanks to the alcohol in your system, you weren’t too shy to react to his words and felt kind of adventurous. “Thanks for the kind words but to be honest I expected to hear that you want to take your sexy photos now that I’m drunk.”

“Ha ha ah… you’re not completely wrong though.” Wonwoo readjusted his glasses and took a sip of his beer when you said, “Okay. let’s do this.” Your friend nearly choked on the alcohol but asked again what you just said, just in case he heard wrong.

“I said, let’s take those photos for our Instagram.”

[idunnoficsorsumthing]

Long time ago

I loved The devil all the time. I already watched it twice in one week..... Whoops. I thought it was very interesting how everything came together at the end. 

Arvin Russell x reader

You were going to work when you saw him in the window of the saloon. He had his baseball cap on, and held his head low, yet you still recognized him. Back in Coal Creek, he was a quiet kid back in the class. You hadn’t seen him in months, well you moved from Coal Creek to Colorado Springs. But, you were sure it was him. You walk into the saloon. “Arvin?” you said, you sit down on the bar stool next to his. 

He looked up from his drink. He didn’t recognize you immediately. “Y/n” he said, You gave him a smile. “What are you doing here?” you ask him. Now you got a good look on his face, you noticed he hadn’t shaved in days, and he looked drunk. “I am just passing through.” he said, his voice sounded rough. “How is Lenora? I haven’t gotten a letter from her in ages.” You ask. He looked away, to the bottles at the bar. “She isn’t alive no more.” he said, taking a gulp from his drink. Your heart kind of sunk in your chest. Lenora was always nice to you when your mother passed away. “I’m sorry for your loss.” you said, he nods, he held up his hand to order another drink. “How long are you staying?” you ask. He shrugged, then he looked at you. “I don’t know yet.” he said: “I am working with the railroad at the moment.” You nod. “What about you?” he asked. “My dad also works for the railroad. We have moved from home to Montana, and now we are here.” you said, he nods, chugging another whiskey down. “Maybe you should take it easy.” you said, he had two drinks in less than ten minutes. He chuckled. “Maybe you should mind your own business.” he said, you were taken a bit back by his reaction but you weren’t going to let him be rude to you. He pushed his glass towards the bartender, asking for another one. You take the glass from him before he can refill it. “He’s had enough.” you tell the bartender. He nods.  “Do you want to have dinner?” he asked.  

You sit down in front of him, he hasn't bothered changing his shirt or shaving. He did lose his baseball cap. It wasn’t like you dressed up or anything, it was just catching up with someone from home. The two of you went to the diner that was on the main street. He ordered potatoes, greens and chicken. While you ordered tomato soup with bread rolls. He was eating his food fast, and it felt uncomfortable. “They don’t feed you by the railroad?” you ask. He chuckled. “I’m sorry.” he said, you shake your head. “No need to apologize. You want a roll?” you offered one of the bread rolls. He gave you a smile, taking the bread roll from you. He started talking to you about how town was before you left. This was the first awkward conversation of many nice conversations with him. He walked you home that night, not pushing you towards something you weren’t ready for like a kiss. Though during the walk, you linked your pinky finger with his. A smile appeared on his face, though he didn’t show it.

He was tired from work, but he still took time to take you out to dinner. You were always glad he didn’t drink when he took you out for dinner. You hadn’t seen him drink in a while anyway. Afterwards, the two of you were sitting on the porch of your home. The two of you were looking at the stars, the two of you didn’t turn into more than friends. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to. He just never made any gesture that he liked you more than that. “I have been thinking about going to Kansas city for a while. There is a new factory there, and they are looking for workers.” he said, you frown at him. “You’re leaving?” you ask, you felt the sadness in the pit of your stomach.He nods. “I have to be real honest with you” he said: “I am kind of running from the police. I can’t stay in one place for too long.” You look at him confused. “What did you do?” you ask softly. You look at him, and he looks really upset. “I- uh- Please don’t think awful things of me.” he said, you nod. “Bad things happened in Coal Creek. I killed the preacher, he did awful things with my sister. So I had to.” He explained. You nod, you knew the preacher. He had tried things with you. But, you declined because you weren’t dumb enough to fall for his tricks. You weren’t surprised someone came after him. Arvin looked embarrassed because he wasn't finished talking. "I ran away, to Knockemstiff. I hitchhiked, and this man with his wife were doing dirty things. Taking pictures and stuff, the man wanted to shoot me. So, I shot first and then the wife and I had guns pulled on each other, and I thought I was a goner. But, she shot with a blank, and I didn't. " he said, he couldn't look you in the eye. "Afterwards, the sheriff came for me. I tried to explain it to him. But, he didn't want to listen because the wife was his sister." He said, you nod. There were so many questions that popped in your head. But, you didn't want to scare him off. "I will never live past knowing what I did to them." He said: "I thought I could when I met you. I love you, Y/n. I thought this could be it." He then looked up at you. "But, I noticed my warrant out on the post-office today." He said: "so this is goodbye, Y/n" he got up from his seat. He walked off the patio. You were still processing all the information. "Wait!" You said, you ran after him, grabbing his arm so he wouldn't just storm off. "I don't care about all that. I care about the Arvin I know now." You said, he shook his head. He looked past you. "You don't understand. We are the same man, Y/n. We have blood on our hands, and I am a coward for running from the law." He said, you shook your head. You wanted to tell him that he was an innocent in this but you knew better than to let your emotions take control. "You did what you had to do, Arvin." You said, he pulled his arm out of your hands and continued on walking. "Stop it, Arv" you yelled after him. You ran in front him, stopping him by placing your hand on his chest. "Arvin I love you. " you said, he shook his head. "Y/n, you shouldn't ." He said, he seemed upset. "We can be happy together. Were you not happy these past few weeks?" You ask him. A small smile appeared on his face. "Yes. But, I can't ask you to come with me, Y/n. You deserve more than that." He said, he took your hand off his chest, taking your hand in his. With your free hand, you placed it on his cheek pulling him in for a kiss. He quickly responded by returning the kiss. "Take me with you." You said, pushing him slightly away from you. He put his arms around your waist to pull you closer. "You wouldn't like that life." He said, you shake your head. "I would like every life with you." You said, a smile appeared on his face. 

*years later

"Daddy, daddyyyyyy" the little girl said, running towards him. He picked her up, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Hello, jelly bean." He said, he walked her through the front door setting her down on the kitchen counter so he could kiss you hello. He pecked a kiss on your cheek while you were trying to put the finishing touches to dinner. "Charlie, go sit at the table, dinner is ready." You tell your daughter, picking her up from the counter and helping her to the ground. Arvin was washing his hands in the sink. He followed you to the dinner table. "Where is Will?" He asked. You thought your son would have been at the dinner table by now since he set the table. "Will, get your ass at the dinner table." Arvin said, you glare at your husband for using that language. Will, the spitting image of his father finally appeared at the dinner table. He had his arm in a cast from a football accident. After prayer, Will was telling about the science fair at school the was held next week. "will you come, dad?" He asked him. You knew that with the hours Arvin was pulling it would be difficult. "Of course, son." He said, he looked over at you with a smile on his face. He had never broken a promise to his kids. 

[willowistic22]

Red (Redfinch)

Despite their breakup, Albert still wanted to go see Finch perform in one of his concerts when Race asked him if he wanted to come. This is the perfect chance for them to talk things out again but words aren’t cooperating for either of them. With that, Finch decides to triy a different form of communication.

Words : 5233

Part : -

Warnings : Alcohol, cursing, cigarettes, angst in general

A/N : Woah that’s a crazy word count uhh,,,, hi i’m back with another fic. Another redfinch and for that we stan lol (well idk maybe yall are annoyed by all these redfinch fics but yknow what? i’m thriving off of it) But fr I’ll eventually get into writing other ships but for now have one more redfinch combined with another tswift songs (as you do) this time with Red. Wow we are so surprised who would have thought of redfinch being associated with the song red no we aren’t surprise :D This one specifically exists in my bandsies au. you don’t need to read that first to understand this (i think?) but it wouldn’t hurt if you checked that out as well:) Tbh i can’t decide whether i love it or hate it but at least i like it enough to post it. N ee wayysss enjoy!!

His brain is screaming about how much Albert shouldn’t be doing this. Comprising a list of cons that goes on forever. And although he thinks all of the cons his brain had written is logical, that one pro his heart wrote beside the long list was all it took for Al to say yes. All the cons will be worth suffering through if he finally gets to see Finch again. And maybe it’s for the better since he’s not doing well by distancing himself from the boy.

Unfortunately, the world isn’t black and white. Meaning that even if he did choose to follow what his heart wants, all the horrible feelings will still be there. And with every step he takes, inching closer to the entrance of the building, he’s getting even more terrified by the second. Thankfully, the line for the entrance is going pretty slow which gives time for Albert to calm down.

But it’s not helping. The line is crowded and full of fans, talking excitedly about the band’s awaiting concert inside. For some odd reason, he can only hear the conversations between fans that contain one specific name. He doesn’t hear anyone mentioning Romeo, Elmer, or Jojo’s name. Not even Crutchie, who he’s been told to be the fans’ favorite. Just the name Finch, being repeated all around him. With adoration and excitement lacing the name. The line is delaying the inevitable and the people around him makes him a bit overwhelmed.

“We can still turn around if you want. I’m sure they’ll find a way to give us a refund”

If he’s actually being honest, it was his best friend that got him to come. Race returned to their shared apartment a few weeks ago and rushed to ask Albert if he wanted to go see their friends performing tonight. Race knows about Al and Finch’s break up but it’s worth asking him first. And to his surprise, he said yes.

“No, it’s fine” Albert replied, “I’m fine”

“You’re picking your pimples right now”

“So?”

“It’s one of your nervous habits”

That piece of information really caught Al off guard. He didn’t think a tiny random fact about himself would actually corner him the way Race is doing now. Eyeing Albert through his glasses and raising his eyebrows despite his forehead being mostly covered by his beanie.

“Well… I-” Albert tried to come up with bullshit as fast as he could, “I like to do it on purpose too, alright?! My fingers just... get a little itchy!”

He slowly puts his hands down from previously reaching up to pick his face. And the line is still going slow, one step at a time. It’s not doing any favors for Al.

“Dude, it’s alright if you’re not ready to see him” Race continued, “It takes time, I get it”

“Race, I’ll be fine! How many more times do I have to tell you?” Albert argued, which finally made Race back down. And to make sure it’s no longer gonna be brought up, Al changes the subject, “By the way, where’s Specs and Mike? You said they’re watching too”

“They’re already backstage with the others for...  obvious reasons” Race answered casually, catching on to Albert's intentions to change the subject. “So is Kath, by the way. We’ll meet her in there though”

To that, Albert simply nods. His jittery movements turn into rocking his body on the ball of his feet while digging his lips with his teeth. Race tries to pretend he doesn’t notice, but he does. Albert knows he does. Although he’s glad he’s not bringing it up because it might make it worse.

He’d be lucky to know that he’s not the only one panicking over this. In the dressing room, an aggravated Finch throws his phone to the cushion of the couch after sending the last text to his friend Race. It sounds unlawful for Race to be ‘secretly updating’ Finch on how Albert is actually doing because it’s obviously something Albert doesn’t want to directly tell his ex.

Finch groans, placing his elbow on his armchair to support his head. The room is spinning in his view and he wishes it all to stop. Taking deep and long breaths to stabilize his shaky limbs. A little prayer starts playing in his heart, it follows the tempo of his fast heartbeat.

“He’s here, isn’t he?”

Finch opens his eyes and looks up to meet his bandmate sitting on the couch across from him. He hadn’t even been talking for a good hour because he’s too fixated with the first text Race sent him when he and Al first started making their way to the concert.

“Yeah, he’s in line” Finch replied, looking up to the blond boy who’s holding his bass.

“How are they not being mobbed?” Another voice rang. This time it’s not coming from one of Finch’s bandmates. It’s coming from Race and Albert’s bandmate, sitting next to the shortest member of Finch’s band on the couch.

Specs only ask that because their two bands have a long connecting history and their fanbase tends to be sort of the same in a way. With Specs dating Romeo and Mike dating Jojo, Race and Albert are bound to be recognized and mobbed by at least a few fans. Especially seeing that Albert is Finch’s former lover, although the fans know that as a rumor since the two never publicly addressed it.

“I’m assuming they’re wearing a lot of shit to cover their faces” Another answered, the other VIP of the show alongside Specs, Mike. He’s twirling his drink in his hand while the other keeps Jojo cuddled close to him, “I mean, Al’s head is really fucking bright!”

With the mention of that specific name, Finch sulks back in his armchair with a groan. He covers his face with his hands, hoping it’d make the world just stop for one second. He could hear a loud clean slap echoing the room, followed by overlaps of whispered scolding. If he had to guess, it was Mike who was the one getting slapped and scolded.

“This is a disaster…” Finch exclaimed to himself, still not lifting his face up.

“It doesn’t have to be unless you make it like that” this time a feminine voice spoke up. A voice he recognized to belong to Kath.

Finch hears footsteps approaching him. He feels the motion of someone softly kneeling down in front of him. His hands were gently pried open and he was met with Kath’s friendly smile.

“It takes time, but you gotta trust the process”

It’s not necessarily the words he needed to hear right now, but it still warms his heart to hear his friend still being there for him despite the sticky situation he has gotten them into.

Everything would’ve been just fine if Finch hadn’t been so pushy and upset over Albert’s decision. He was the one that decided to put his music career on hold to go get that engineering degree, which frankly seems pretty useless. Finch was so dirty for pulling the ‘you’re being selfish’ card at him when it’s not even his band at all. Race, Specs, Mike, Ike, and even their manager Denton were very supportive about his decision to get that degree. Heck, all their friends were! But not Finch. His boyfriend at the time. He argued like he secretly knew how the others felt about Al leaving when really there aren’t any secret feelings for him to know. All his arguments came from his own feelings.

However, he knows Albert’s ‘own decision’ was secretly coated by his father’s persuasive words. The whole ‘just in case the music career doesn’t work out’ argument was basically the copy and pasted words from his father. They both know it. Despite the arguments, it still seemed that Al was determined to fully focus on college anyways. Instead of following his fellow musician friends’ college path by getting a degree in the non-lecture-hall way, he followed his father’s words and actually attended his college classes in a proper campus.

In the moment, Finch was just too focused on Albert leaving. Maybe he was the one being selfish. He had only realize now that most of his arguments were because he didn’t want Albert to go. It’s too late now, since the last time they saw each other was when Al slammed the door of their apartment one last time with all his stuff and a plane ticket to Seattle. At that point, Finch was finally tired of all the arguing and told him that if this was his plan then he’s on his own.

The tears that came after were filled with sorrow and regret. Sorrowful because he missed him. Regretful because he only realized then that there was no valid reason for Finch to lash out in the first place other than for his own needs. The feeling is still present to this moment. And it’s currently the strongest right before a show because he knows he’s gonna be in the crowd.

“Look, we’ll let ya drown out your feelings with some booze later” Crutchie finally said, “But right now we got a show”

The band was all getting up from where they were seated, bringing whatever they needed to the stage. Crutchie gets some help from Jojo to bring his Bass till he properly sits on the stool on stage. But Finch stays perfectly still, holding Kath’s hand as if his life depends on it.

“I know I should talk to ‘im, Kath” Finch finally said, slowly joining the others in standing up. Kathrine follows along, eyes still fixed to her friend, “But… I can’t. I wouldn’t know what to say to him”

“Then don’t talk” Mike suddenly inserts himself in their little conversation. He gets up and approaches the two, “Sing him the new single”

“You’re fucking insane, Mike!” Katherine instantly snapped.

“Alright, your mouth will be legally sealed shut till the end of the concert” Specs joins them only to drag Mike away. There were some protests from the boy, but it was totally shut down by everyone else in the room.

“No, wait. He’s got a point” Finch suddenly exclaimed, which quickly got the whole room to freeze in time.

He looks at his bandmates, all standing by the doorway ready to kill the concert. A half confident smile appears on his face and he says, “Let’s sing that single”

-

The concert is held in a bar like-venue with multiple floors, slowly being filled to the brim by excited fans. Their excitement bounces off the walls of the venue, creating an ecstatic kind of environment despite the tight space. The concert is going to start any minute now and while the fans surrounding him are shaking in excitement, Albert is shaking in a nervous fit.

“Still okay there, Al?”

Albert looked to his side, seeing his good friend Kathrine looking up to meet his eyes with concern. She had just joined the boys in the midst of the crowd after hanging out behind the stage with the band.

“What? Yeah, I’m okay” He replied, “What makes you think I’m not?”

“You’re squeezing my hand a little too tight”

Al had only realized he’s been holding Kath’s hand just now. His brain was too focused on his fears about meeting Finch again to the point that he hasn’t been paying attention to his surroundings. He gets bashful all of a sudden, cheeks going a bit warm, harshly pulling away from her grasp.

“It’s okay, you can hold my hand if you want,” Katherine said gently.

“Kath, I’m fine!” Albert said, “Why won’t you and Race believe me?”

“Because we know it’s utter bullshit”

The pair looked back towards the crowd behind them where the familiar voice originated from. There, Race struggles through a sea of people with two drinks in hand. Oddly enough, he still seems to stand the heat despite still wearing his face disguise. A white cotton mask, black-framed glasses, and a grey beanie mostly providing cover for his blond curls. While Al, seeing that the venue is pretty dark and speculations has led him to believe that the fans would be focused on the concert rather than the people attending it, had already put away his mask. However, his fears still made him wear his snapback and grey-framed glasses just in case.

Albert takes his rightful drink, and with a free hand, Race takes off his own mask and stuffs it in his pockets. He complains about the stuffiness from wearing the mask all while doing so, which made Kath laugh. It appears the Albert-scolding has been forgotten for the time being, as Kath and Race starts engaging in their own conversation, which Al doesn’t mind because he’d much like to down his beer quickly.

And then the concert finally starts.

An exciting intro starts playing as the band enters the stage. The wild crowd welcoming the band is deafening to Albert’s ear. Time freezes and everything in between fades away. All he sees is Finch, up on stage wearing a smile brighter than the lighting of the venue itself. He’s using his old dark green guitar. The same one he uses when he’s writing songs in bed or when he just feels like strumming the strings. Albert remembers the memoirs of all the guitar string scars he had earned throughout the years of knowing him. Some of them were even caused by Albert himself.

Lucky that Finch hasn’t noticed Albert has been staring at him the whole time. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of the boy since the start of the first song, shimmering under the spotlight with amazing vocals. Laughing about at his fellow bandmates’ antics on stage. Oh, that laugh. It gives him butterflies in his stomach like it was the first time hearing it.

He can feel two pairs of familiar eyes on him. But he’s too far gone to care. Albert really did make a big mistake for letting Finch go that easy. Because at the end of his previous college days, he still loves him and misses him dearly. His little Finchy. It doesn’t matter to Al anymore if Race and Katherine are eyeing him with sorrow or the whole world were to look at him weirdly for fixating his own eyes towards the beautiful boy on stage. He was his beautiful boy. Good lord, does he long to see the days when he got to call Finch his.

“Holy shit, I fucked up” Albert muttered under his breath, only Kath and Race could hear it, “I should’ve never had left”

His friends were definitely not expecting Albert to verbally exclaim his regret. They already knew from the start despite the redhead’s previous denials. But hearing him say it just makes it all more real. Even Albert himself was hit by a truck of reality just by loudly announcing it.

“Well, now you know” Katherine started, gentle voice on the same volume as his own despite the volume of their current surroundings being incredibly loud, “Go tell him that after the show”

“I can’t. I shouldn’t” Albert replied, fully turning away from the stage to properly look at his friends. A glint of sorrow and desperation flashes before his face, “I might make things worse!”

“Well, you’ll never know till you try” Race said, sounding a little hesitant at the start. He offered a warm smile at his friend and a hand on his shoulder, since there isn’t much he could do in the moment.

With a heavy sigh, Albert turns back towards the stage only to witness the biggest surprise of his life. Finch looked back. Straight into Albert’s eyes, it pierced right through to get his heart thumping loudly in his ears. He just realized the song the band was previously playing had ended and they were waiting for the fans to quiet down. While Romeo playfully over-dramatize his thank you’s to the crowd and gets scolded by Elmer and Crutchie, Finch was continuously staring at Albert. The hands that were previously used to play with his guitar hang idly because his center of attention wasn’t at his instrument right now.

It might just be some form of hallucination Al retained from the high, but Finch seemed to be smiling at him a little. Just a little curve at the end of his lips while he’s still staring back.

Albert doesn’t know how to interpret this other than to just stare back. Deep down, his heart is flipping in all kinds of ways and his thought process is no longer comprehensible. He’s trying to read the other boy’s emotions but it’s too neutral to tell. Other than the fact that he’s smiling a little at him but that still doesn’t give him a proper answer.

Eventually Finch becomes the first one to look away, seeing that the audience had settled down for the band. Albert’s eyes were still glued to Finch, retaining his focus back to the concert. He opens his mouth for a moment to say something into his microphone, although he unexpectedly stopped. The flow of words seemed to cut short. He saved himself by pulling himself away from the microphone up front and towards the rest of his bandmates. Judging from the body language, they seem to be whispering.

“What’s happening?” Albert whispered, more to himself rather than to his friends.

“I’m not sure…” Race replied, taking a step closer to where Al is standing.

The band kept the discussion short and quickly got back to their places. Finch seems to hesitate the second time he opens his mouth to speak. But this time, he gets the words out.

“Uhh… sorry ‘bout that. I uhh… I just got the urge to go a bit out of our fixed setlist and uhh… hope you guys don’t mind” Finch explained with a little giggle at the end. The crowd couldn’t care less and cheered on. Finch smile widens at the agreement, “We thought we’d give ya an early access to our newest single that hasn’t been released yet”

A euphoric feeling passed through the crowd as the cheering got louder. It baffled Finch so much that he laughed into his mic.

“Oh my god, they’re actually doing it” Katherine commented under her breath.

But Al’s ears were sharp enough to catch it. He snaps his head around to face the girl behind him, “Do what?”

Katherine was rendered speechless to that question, despite obviously knowing what’s going on. Albert turns to Race but he has no idea. He finally turns back to the stage where Finch’s gaze was already waiting to be returned by Al himself.

Without breaking the gaze, Finch speaks into the mic with a little smile, “It’s called ‘Red’”

It was Albert’s turn to be speechless. He had no knowledge of a new single since he’s mostly been staying away from his ex’s social media for the sole purpose of moving on, which he had failed miserably. And none of his friends had told him anything about a single that’s title was a secret language only Finch and Albert share, littered with all sorts of vintage romance.

“Holy shit…” Race exclaimed, “...I had no idea they were gonna play this song”

The opening of the song starts with Jojo lightly plucking a few strings of his acoustic guitar. The crowd goes wild once again, energy bouncing off one wall to the other.

“Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly”

Crutchie sang the first line smoothly. At this point the other’s had joined in with their instrument. Finch fully ignoring the crowd and focused on looking at Al. Those blue eyes are trying to send a message to Albert and it’s being coded with the song they’re currently playing.

The song had carried on till it reached the chorus. All the instruments peaked at that moment and collaborated with each other to create a very euphoric sound. The crowd jumps along to the beat of the song along with a loud cheering, obviously enjoying the tune they have yet to listen to. Some were holding up cameras to capture this moment, most likely to later share it with the fans that didn’t get the chance to witness it live.

At this point, Finch had turned his face away from Al. There was a troubling look in his expression but it was quickly covered by closing his eyes as if he’s trying to concentrate on singing the chorus with the others. But Al is no fool. He knows that look on Finch’s face is when he’s trying to avoid something, and that something is him.

“Losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

But loving him was red”

The words moved something in Al. It was written in a way Albert recognized it to be Finch’s writing style. Every single part of the song. From the melody, the chord progression, even the lyrics. Especially the lyrics.

“Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword

And realizing there's no right answer

Regretting him was like wishing you never found out

That love could be that strong”

As Finch harmonized that line with Jojo, he stole a little sad side glance at Albert. The song returns to the chorus once again, Finch gets dragged with the beat and lightly moves his body along.

Albert gets captivated along with the music. He can feel the corner of his lips slightly rising up, which is pretty ironic seeing that Finch is singing a breakup song about them. Maybe because he’s relieved to hear Finch sing about how he’s not fully over him. Or maybe it’s because he gets to see Finch embracing the break up, which could potentially mean that he’s okay with it. But whatever it is, he’s happy seeing Finch like this. Or just seeing him in general.

“Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes

Tell myself it's time now gotta let go

But moving on from him is impossible

When I still see it all in my head”

The chord progression’s pattern slightly changed. Finch sings his line into the microphone, closing his eyes as if to soak up all the intoxicating energy he gets from the crowd. Of people flailing their hands into the sky and a loud chorus of undecipherable shouting. But at the last line, he steals a proper glance back at Albert.

“In burning red”

The lyrics really says it all. There’s no more hidden message that Albert needs to decipher, as it's being presented right in front of him.

Finch takes over the next part of the song, shredding his guitar which makes the crowd go wild. At the moment, it looks like he’s feeling himself. Moving along with the motion of his fingers that creates each note.

“Oh, losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

'Cause loving him was red”

The song is supposed to be a punch to Albert’s guts, and yet he finds himself laughing at it. He catches a glimpse of Finch’s eyes, sneaking its way to look back at Albert every so often. And this time, he wears a smile while jumping along to the song. And it made Al smile back.

“His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street”

As the song ended, the fans went wild. The look on Finch’s face seems satisfied at the success of the single they have yet been released to the world, shining at the sight of a hype crowd. He steals one last glance at Albert with a little smile on his face. Albert would dare to say he’s being a bit shy. To that, Albert smiles back with a disbelief laugh escaping his lips before Finch pulls his gaze away from the other boy.

After playing a few more songs, the concert ended. There was only one thing in Albert’s mind, which was talking to Finch. Race and Albert quickly put their disguise back on before the crowd had realized who they were as they exited the venue. The three stay behind as the venue gets emptied, Race and Katherine making quick work with their fingers on their phones to contact their friends backstage.

Jojo was the first to respond to either of them. He said that Finch is smoking behind the venue alone. One could only assume that he’s not in his best state after spontaneously choosing to sing that single. But Jojo assured them that he’s still good to talk to. Crutchie then responded, saying that Specs and Mike can pick them up to get them into the backstage.

It didn’t take them long, but Albert wasn’t keen on seeing the others right now. After being pointed towards the back door, Albert was already off. Adrenaline coursing through his veins as he makes quick steps towards it.

He gently opens the door, to avoid surprising the boy in case he was nearby. Albert steps out to a parking lot, open-spaced with another parking lot above it as its roof. At a first glance it was completely empty, only a few lights turned on to keep the area lit. His eyes gandered even further and spotted the boy he was looking for, back facing Al and his body leaning on metal bars as he enjoyed the nightlife of the city.

Albert took a deep breath to calm his adrenaline, slowing down his walking pace. The area is eerily quiet. Only a few things that can be heard: his footsteps, his thumping heart, and the sounds coming from the streets three stories below them. With every step closer, he slowly unraveled his makeshift disguise. Shoving his mask and glasses in the pockets of his jeans but left the snapback on.

“‘Loving him was red’” Albert said to catch Finch’s attention, “Did you mean it to be that obvious?”

Finch didn’t fully turn his head around, only halfway so Al can see the little grin of amusement forming on his face. A little chuckle escaped his lips, causing his chest to pulse along before he continued, “Not really. But it has a nice ring to it”

Albert takes a few steps closer towards the metal bars, leaning his body on it like what Finch is doing. Now he can clearly see the half burnt cigarette on Finch’s hand. Al tries to make eye contact with him, but Finch is purposely turning his head the other way and giving Albert his head full of blond curls.

“You came back” Finch suddenly said, voice hushed and low.

“Of course I came back” Albert replied, “You didn’t think I’d fully leave like that, did’ja?”

“Well, no. It’s just that you seemed so hellbent on going to college”

Albert slowly nods at that, moving his gaze towards the streets below like the other boy. They sit in the silence for a few minutes. Hearing different vehicles pass by the street below them and honking from the distance.

“Finch, I’m so sorry I left ya like that” Albert suddenly started, fully turning his face towards him. He couldn’t find a way to word it and so he resorted to just telling him the truth. Finch stays quiet to let him continue, “I was an idiot to let ya go that easily and all because I was selfish”

“You weren’t actually being selfish” Finch said, smiling a little at his words, “You did it because you wanted to. And it wasn’t hurting anyone anyways”

“It did. It hurt you”

Finch turns his head towards Albert. Now their eyes are looking into each other closer than before. The closest they’ve ever been since their breakup. A mixture of unsaid emotions made the gaze feel so intimate and it terrifies Al a bit. 

“I hurt myself trying to get you to stay” Finch said softly. His next words got stuck in his throat. He gives his brain a few seconds to focus with a sigh out of his mouth and dragging his gaze away from Al, “I knew you never wanted to get that engineering degree in the first place which is another reason I didn’t want you to go. But at the end of the day, it was your decision to make and not mine. I lashed out on you and said you were selfish but… I was the one that was being selfish”

Finch turns his eyes back towards Al, his face looks more sorrowful than before, “I’m sorry”

A small smile formed on Al’s face, tilting his head to the side by a few inches, “It ain’t your fault for knowing me more than I know myself”

They leave the conversation at that for the time being. Letting the streets below fill the void of their silence. Both boys focusing their gaze towards the view they got from this height they’re on again. Finch and Albert left speechless at each other’s words.

Albert’s hands unconsciously reach up to his forehead, itching to pick a pimple like earlier. His next words almost got stuck in his throat but he was able to pull through just enough to get to his point, “Well, at the end of the day we uhh… we both fucked up. Fucked our relationship, that’s for sure-”

“Stop picking on your pimples, Al” Finch casually said. The surprise look on Al’s face got Finch to side eye him with a giggle.

Al pulled his fingers away, stuttering in his movements but still continued on his words with more confidence, “What I’m trying to say is… I want to try again as long as you’re willing to”

There was a good few seconds of silence that Finch used to just stare at him. Albert could only wonder what he’s thinking about inside that head, “So we just… what? Forget the breakup ever happened? Move back in together? You know I can’t just do that, right?”

“That’s not what I mean. We don’t need to rush things. I know you can’t do that” Albert said, “Just… let me start by making it up to you? Whatever you want. Just name it”

Finch didn’t respond instantly, letting the silence between them linger for a few more minutes. But it’s deeply agonizing to Albert’s ears. A blank space of two eyes locked in a gaze, and one is obviously dying to get out of it.

“Please, say something” Albert begged. Hands suddenly reaching back up to his face to pick on his pimples again.

With a free hand, Finch reaches towards Al’s hand on his face. He pulls it down to the bars, holding it in place to make sure it doesn’t repeat its mistakes again. The grip was firm, but warm and calming to Albert’s soul. It made him go blank for a good few seconds from being so touch deprived of Finch’s soft hands. He retains his sense of reality when their eyes finally meet again.

With a little smile forming on Finch’s face, he finally answers, “I’d like that very much”

[themoonlily]

It’s interesting to think how Lothíriel and Éomer might consider faith and/or devotion to the Powers that Be. I expect their thoughts would be different, considering the cultures they were brought up in, and anyway religion in Middle-earth and among mortals is rather vague. 

As a daughter of a famously sea-faring culture (even though it has waned from its glory days) and having grown by seaside, she probably feels a connection with Uinen and maybe Ulmo, too. Uinen in particular is seen as the patroness of mariners and her good graces would be essential for anyone trying to make a living by the sea. Dol Amroth recalls something of the skill and might of the great ships of Númenor, and the best ship-builders of Gondor are to be found there, so there’s even more reason to remember Uinen in prayers. 

But marrying Éomer, Lothíriel leaves the seaside for good. There aren’t large bodies of water in Rohan, but she appreciates any running water that she can find. Even then, in time she finds it bit of a struggle to keep that ‘old faith’ when her life has so drastically changed. 

Eventually, she turns more and more to Elbereth, although even in the old Númenorean families it’s considered a more ancient faith - an Elvish faith. But light, especially the celestial lights, is universal, and commonly linked with hope and the forces of good, such as the star of Eärendil. Light in the ‘sea of stars’ and the symbolism of the sky as an ocean where all the major lights travel in mythological ships provide Lothíriel a bridge to her ‘old faith’ and a way to honour it through and with Elbereth. In Gondorian exercise of faith and spirituality, there’s always a strong philosophical streak. 

Devotion is different in Rohan. Oromë, or Béma as he’s called among Rohirrim, is chiefly honoured by them. And it makes sense, because Oromë is a patron of hunters and the greatest of horsemen. Legends even have it he brought the greatest of mortal horses to Middle-earth, called mearas, which are closely tied to the House of Eorl and play a key role in legends about Eorl the Young himself. Rohirrim are aware of the other Valar, and some of them more than the others, but as a younger people with no tradition of scholarly learning, they tend to take a more pragmatic view to faith. 

In addition to Béma, Rohirrim also honour his spouse Vána, whom they call Læs in their own tongue. She is seen as the Lady of Spring and renewal, who brings back growth and life after the winter. While plant life of the Earth is generally Yavanna’s domain, it’s the act of invoking that life, and the joy that is within renewal, which is associated by Rohirrim with Læs.  I imagine Béma and Læs also have a similar function in the mind of Rohirrim as in many ancient religions: the union between the god and the goddess creating life on earth. Seeing Rohirrim are a partly nomadic culture centred around horses and horse-breeding, the fertility of land and livestock are an important part of the faith, and this relates back to the union of Béma and Læs. As each other’s counterparts, they ensure the livelihood of the people. Rohirrim do not have any strict doctrine in their faith and they don’t have priests or priestesses: the necessary rites and ceremonies are passed down as oral tradition, but there are wise men and women who are often called to perform them. In wedding rites especially, husband and wife are seen as performing the union of Béma and Læs. In particular, the King and Queen of Rohan are observed as representatives of this ‘sacred marriage’. 

Éomer himself doesn’t much talk about his faith to anyone, but he has it. He identifies with Béma, and particularly with the hunter/warrior aspect, the hunting of wild things to protect the homes and settled land (where Læs represents the undisturbed cycle of life). It’s common for any young Rohirrim to invoke Béma so that they may share in his skill of horsemanship, and Éomer is no different from this as a young man. But when he becomes the King of Rohan, his relationship changes. Mearas represent the closest connection one can have with Béma himself, who brought these legendary horses to mortal lands, and being close to them is in itself a spiritual experience. It is believed only the King of Rohan and his immediate family may ride mearas, and this is the ultimate test of any ruler of the Mark. So, when a time comes he’s first allowed so near to the mearas and they let him ride one of them, it’s really kind of a transformative experience for him. This is in particular because Éomer didn’t think he’d become king (it was supposed to be his cousin) and for quite some time he feels like an impostor on the throne. Through his kingship, and through the relationship with mearas, Éomer comes to appreciate Béma more in his connection to Læs, not just as a hunter and warrior. He begins to see a whole where he once saw only a part of the picture - and for a king, it’s endlessly important to worry about the prosperity of land and its renewal.  

(This post is partly canon and partly headcanon; the role of Vána in particular is based on a post I saw years ago here at tumblr.. It’s interesting Tolkien left faith/religion so vague in Middle-earth, considering how devout he was in his own faith, and how much of its key doctrines he wove into the legendarium. Most he seems to have said is about Elven spirituality, but even their great dates of celebration seem not to have very much to do with religion. I could be wrong, but it seems like Tolkien talked about religion most straightforwardly when it was being turned into something evil, like the cult of Morgoth in late Númenor.)