#anyway i’ll delete this but man i need to come in physical contact with people more often

[justinefrischmanngf]

i don’t know how i’m ever going to have sex when even just hugging people is so significant to me……

[firefly464]

The Real World - Chapter 12

Alright chapter 12 lets goooo. Another slightly slower chapter, but I promise that its gonna be picking up real soon. Also Pami wrote the irl bit because shes the coolest and I love her :D

Made in collaboration with @i-have-this-now​ Thank you to @rivys​ for beta reading and editing!

Master Post

First - Previous - Next

~~~

Dream stared at his friend, confusion and worry filling his mind. The teenager had been staring into space for the past minute or so, not responding to either him or Tubbo. Dream hadn’t been too concerned, until he noticed that Tommy was crying.Tears were streaking down Tommy’s face, forging a path on his cheeks. His expression was filled with a mixture of hope and fear, his eyes glazed over, like he was listening to something that no one else could hear. 

“Tommy? Hellooo? You ok?” Dream asked, waving a hand in front of his face. No response. He glanced over at Tubbo, trying to see if he had any ideas. Instead, when Dream made eye contact with him, Tubbo flinched and sank back into his seat, as if trying to disappear. Right. Of course Tubbo was scared of him. Everyone was scared of him. 

“You know I’m not going to hurt you, right?” He asked, trying to lighten the mood.

The younger brunette stared at him in fear, unsure of how he was supposed to respond. If Dream had said those same words to him a month ago, he would have ran, no questions asked. Now though, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t know this man, had no idea what he was like. All he had to go off of was what Tommy had said. 

His eyes darted over towards his spaced out friend. “What did you do to him?” He asked, struggling to keep the tremor out of his voice. He had only stood up to Dream once, and it had resulted in him nearly losing his arm. Slowly, as to not draw attention to himself, he moved his hand to the hilt of his sword. If this went south, then he sure as hell needed to be ready to defend himself. 

“Nothing! I didn’t do anything, I promise” Dream dropped the bow and put his hands up in an attempt to show he meant no harm. He understood why Tubbo was so scared of him, but that didn’t change the fact that it stung. How could it not? Someone who he had thought of as a friend was now trembling before him in fear. 

“Look, I don’t know what you’re playing at, but if you hurt Tommy in any way I will not hesitate to run you through.” Tubbo’s voice shook with fear, despite his best attempts at keeping it steady. 

Seeing the young teenager like this, Dream couldn’t help but be filled with pity and sadness. He was only 16, still just a kid. He should have been worried about homework, or some other small problem. He shouldn’t be stressing over whether or not he was going to live through the day, or who was going to try and hurt him next. It just wasn’t right.

Dream nodded, his hands still raised.“I promise, Tubbo, I didn’t do anything, and I don’t plan on hurting either of you.”

“Tubbo…” A soft voice startled them both. Tommy was now staring at the fallen bow, the tears freely flowing. 

Tubbo’s attention was instantly drawn to his best friend, his eyes filled with overwhelming concern. “Hey man, you ok?” 

Tommy looked up at his friend. A pang of homesickness shot through him. Everything about the boy next to him felt… wrong. He knew that it was still Tubbo, but that didn’t change the fact that it didn’t seem right. He was too tense, too nervous. It was as if at any moment, he could be attacked. It was so different from the laid back attitude of his Tubbo. The one that got excited over the smallest things. The one who casually went around killing people in game for no real reason. Tommy couldn’t help but miss the energetic and fun loving Tubbo from his own world. Still, he was still his friend. 

Without hesitation, Tommy reached over to give his friend a hug. The tears continued to flow as the words of the message replayed in his mind. ‘I swear, we’re gonna figure something out and get you guys out of there. I promise.’ It wasn’t much to go off of, but goddammit what did he have to lose? 

Tubbo couldn’t help but flinch at the sudden hug. “Hey, is everything alright?” 

“Sorry, sorry” Tommy quickly said, backing up and giving his friend space. He frantically wiped the tears off his face and tried to compose himself. “Yeah, I’m good.” “What the hell was that? You just zoned out, are you sure you’re ok?” Dream asked. 

“I uh, I think I just got a message from Tubbo. Our Tubbo,” he made sure to clarify. “Apparently he’s been working with Wilbur and the other Tommy to try and bring us home…” 

Dream felt his jaw drop. “Wait, really?! You’re kidding!” 

“I swear to you that I am not joking. Trust me, I want to go home as much as you do.”

“How?! What did he say? What do we do?” 

“There’s- There’s a console. Apparently it's like the server console back home, but it's an actual physical computer here. According to Tubbo it has the ability to do some really weird shit.” 

“Like run regular commands?” 

“Yeah, pretty much. Damn, imagine what kinda fucked up shit you could do with that kinda thing…” 

“Uh huh, imagine what kind of fucked up shit this other Dream already did with that thing.” 

“Fuck, you’re right.” 

“So how exactly does this help us get home?” 

“Right, right. I guess that the other Dream figured out how to swap people’s souls across dimensions or something with it.”

Dream’s face lit up as he made the connection. “We could do it too! We could use the command to swap us back and put everything back to normal!” A rush of excitement filled him. Finally, finally they had some direction. They actually had a goal, something to work towards. They had hope. “Where is it? Where can we find it?” 

“See, that's the problem. Actually, there's two problems. One, we don’t know the command. Tubbo was thinking if we could make it to the console, we might be able to communicate with them and figure something out.”

“Wait, what? How would that even work?” 

Tommy shrugged. “I’m not sure. I’m honestly just hoping that Tubbo knows what he’s doing.”

“Riiight. So what's the other problem?” 

Tommy took a deep breath and tried to find something, anything else to look at. He didn’t want to look Dream or Tubbo in the eyes when he told them the truth. Eventually, his eyes rested on the white, porcelain mask that hung on the wall. The simple smile seemed to bore into his very soul, taunting him in a way. He looked away. “The computer is super far away. Apparently it takes a couple days to reach on foot.” 

“Ok? And?” 

“According to the other Tommy, the other Dream is going to delete the server in a little less than 48 hours, which would most likely result in every single one of us dying a very painful death.” 

Dream let out a low whistle. “Right. So you’re telling me that we have to go and find this super powerful computer that's really far away, try to come up with a plan, and figure out what the right command is within the next 48 hours, or the world will be deleted and we all die.” 

“Yeah pretty much.” 

“Right. Ok, no pressure.” he ran a hand through his hair, already trying to figure out what the best course of action was. “Where exactly is the console?” 

“He said it’s in this room made out of bedrock in the middle of a dark forest, almost directly east of us.”

Dream nodded. “Got it. Tommy, go let George know what's going on. See if he wants to join us. It’d probably be smart to have someone who actually knows what they’re doing with us. I’m going to get together some supplies.” 

“Got it. Tubbo, do you wanna come with us?” Tommy asked, startling the brunette. 

He had been deep in thought, trying to keep up with the conversation. He was confused, but he also didn’t want to ask any questions and risk angering Dream. He shook his head. “I’m good. You guys uh, you’ll need someone to cover for you, right? I can tell Wilbur what's going on…” He was lying, of course. He just didn’t want to spend any more time around Dream. Sure, Tommy trusted him, but that didn’t change the fact that just looking at the man brought back painful memories. 

“Ok, that's probably smart. Make sure he knows that the other Tommy is safe, ok? He’s going to be coming home soon.” 

A slight smile crossed Tubbo’s face. “Alright. I can do that. I’ll uh, I’ll see you guys later then.” He rushed out of the base, running towards L’manberg. 

Dream and Tommy were silent, neither of them mentioning the obvious. If all went according to plan, then they would never see this version of Tubbo again. 

~~~

“Florida?!” Tubbo cried, flabbergasted. “We’re going to Florida? That’s like a 9 hour flight!” All this SMP stuff was making his head spin. First, it was just Tommy and Dream’s disappearance, then it escalated to something much, much worse. His friends’ lives were at stake if they didn’t do anything. He honestly didn’t want to believe Tommy, but something told him that what he’s saying is true.

“Look, I’m used to taking on my problems in person. I can’t just sit in front of this thing- whatever weird gadget this is- and do nothing! We have to go there!” Tommy explained.

“Tommy, what will you tell everyone else? What will you tell your parents? You can’t just prance up to them and go ‘hello dearest parents! As it turns out, I’m not your son, but I’m him from another dimension! Y’know how he plays that video game? It’s that dimension! Anyways, I’m off to Florida to go do a murder! I’ll be home before dinner!’ How do you think that’s gonna go down?” Wilbur said.

“Will, I know what I’m doing! This psychopath is gonna try to kill my friends. I need to save them.” Tommy told them desperately. “If we reach him, we can get to his computer and I can go home!”

“We don’t even know where he lives, Tommy!” Wilbur retaliated. 

“Well, I might.” Tubbo said, nonchalantly.

Wilbur blinked. “You what? You’re not going to hack him, Tubbo-” 

“He isn’t our Dream, Will. This is probably the only chance we have to do this! Lives are at stake!”

“But there’s laws--” Wilbur sighed, pulling on his face in resignation. He still had trouble believing in this. Dimension travel? Souls? A few days ago he’d say they never existed. But, now… “Okay, fine. I can get us three to Florida. Earliest flight I can get us will be at about five-in-the-morning. We find Dream and we…” Wilbur trailed off.

“Kill him.” Tommy gritted out.

“NO!” Wilbur and Tubbo shouted.

“Tommy, we are not going to kill him. We need our Dream and Tommy to come back and send both of you back. If you kill him-” Wilbur explained.

“Okay, fine,” Tommy sighed, cutting off whatever it was Wilbur was about to say. “We won’t kill him. We just need to hold him long enough for him to tell us the command.”

“And what if he refuses to tell us?” 

“Then we make him tell us.” 

~~~

Master Post

First - Previous - Next

[minghaocouture]

Fearless: Chapter 12

Pairing: Werewolf!Jeon Wonwoo x Vampire!Reader Genre: Romance, Fantasy, Non-Idol Au WC: 3.5k+ Warning: Language, Mild Violence, Gun Usage AU Lore: Vampire Coven Info/Wolf Pack Info/Lore Info Tag List: @moon-asia @uglychildd​ @skjdln​ @darkacrimson​ @woozisnoots​ @hwangjangmi​ @rjsmochii​ @fluffyhyeju​ @svtjuniverse​ @karmacqre​ @dwcljh​ 

Unable to tag: @Unbaeknownst @peachescherryheart

A/N: Again thank you guys for being patient with me <3, I’ll try to be better about updating this lol. I did in fact finish this chapter during a four hour road trip lol. Also i’d just like to put this out there, fight scenes are hard to write. I am not any good at them ^^;; this was my best attempt lol.

Chapter List:  Chapter 1/Chapter 2/Chapter 3/Chapter 4/Chapter 5/Chapter 6/Chapter 7/Chapter 8/Chapter 9/Chapter 10/Chapter 11/Chapter 12/Chapter 13/Chapter 14

If you were being honest, you couldn't remember the last time you had slept so well. So you were pretty peeved to wake up to the sounds of snickering and a the sound of a camera shutter.

"Dude I told you to turn off the sound, they're gonna wake up." You heard a hushed whisper fill the silence of the room, followed by more soft snickering.

"It's fine, we came to wake them up anyway. It's their own fault that we caught them all cuddly." That voice you distinctly recognized as Mingyu, and you were almost certain that the other voice belonged to Vernon. A light sense of irritation swelled in your chest. Almost on instinct you began to pull away from Wonwoo, only for the arm around your waist to pull you closer.

"Do you think if we stay quiet they'll go away?" he muttered, his voice so soft and laced with husky sound that had been lacking this morning. Which made you curious how long he had been awake before you had woken up. You were more than a little embarrassed to be caught like this. Soft moments like this definitely weren’t something you were used to letting others see.

"I doubt it, they're annoying," you retorted, loud enough for your guests to hear. Which earned a irritated exclamation of denial from Mingyu, and a laugh from Vernon. "Besides, we need to get up. We have to get set up for tonight." Despite saying this, you didn't bother moving, after all that would mean you would have to move his arm from you...and you weren't quite ready for that yet. The feeling of his arm around your waist made you feel warm, in fact his whole presence did as well. You had honestly forgotten how wonderful it felt to feel warm. It hadn’t really bothered you before, you had gotten used to not retaining any kind of warmth, so feeling this even if it would only be for a little while, it was...a nice reprieve.

Sadly, Wonwoo agreed with your statement far too quickly for your liking, and pulled his arm away so that he could stretch out. Which caused you to unconsciously grumble out of irritation at the lack of contact.

"You guys are so gross." Vernon complained, while Mingyu fake gagged next to him. 

Rolling your eyes, you sat up and followed Wonwoo’s lead. Stretching a bit to work the muscles that had gotten stiff from sleep. “I mean, you two were the ones who interrupted us. So this is on you.” 

"Ugh, we were told to wake you up.” Mingyu began, thankfully done with his ridiculous display of disgust. “Your vampire friends came back with your leader guy, so whenever you two are done...being gross." 

"We'll be down there in a bit." Wonwoo yawned out the words, just wanting to just get the males out of the room, which worked. They gave a few more teasing looks of disgust before leaving together, taking their future black mail materiel with them. You'd have to steal his phone and delete those photos before Hyunjin saw them. You did not need that boy taunting you about this, especially since he wasn't exactly aware of what was going on between Wonwoo and yourself. Hell, you weren't exactly sure what you wanted to call this either, but that was a thought for another day. Right now, you needed to be focused, if any of you were off tonight then that could mess up the whole plan and put Minah in even more danger.

As the boys left the room, you felt Wonwoo’s hand reach out and lightly grip your shoulder. Turning to face him, you couldn’t exactly describe the look on his face. It looks like a cross between comforting and admiration but you couldn’t be sure. All you knew was that it brought that previous warmth and placed it inside your chest, as opposed to being something physical you felt. You honestly weren’t sure how he managed to do this, if you didn’t know any better you would think he was a witch. But it was common knowledge that Wolves couldn’t produce magic.

“Don’t worry so much.”

“How do you know I’m worried?” Seriously, magic. It was almost ridiculous how well he could read you. 

A soft laugh left his lips and shook his head. “You’re not as straight faced as you think you are.”

With a small grumble of irritation, you pushed his hand off of your shoulder with a small pout on your lips. This prompted another laugh from the male as he watched you quickly leave the room.

***

As soon as you entered the living room, you were taken back by how noisy the room was. It seemed like everyone who was involved tonight had arrived. You were also pretty surprised to see that those gathered hadn’t separated themselves by species. Maybe things would change after all this was over. As your eyes scaned the room, you noticed that the only one missing was Minghao. Which caused a bit of anxiety to swirl in your gut, but you didn’t have time to think about it as you heard the loud voice of Soonyoung greet you. 

"My baby bat!" he exclaimed, rushing over to pull you into a crushing hug. This was always how it was when you saw him again after one of his long trips. You honestly couldn't even remember how long it had been since you had seen, or hell even heard from him. You were also pretty grateful that he wasn’t yelling at you again, that was something you really hoped didn’t happen again soon.

"What did I tell you about calling me that, Hamster man." You groaned, returning the embrace. Despite your hatred of the nickname, you knew it came from a place of love. He was the only reason you were still here, and you owed him a lot but you would never admit that out loud to him. 

"I'm not a hamster! I'm a tiger!!" Obviously offended at your title, and pulled away much quicker than he normally would. You heard the familiar laugh of Kevin ring out through the room, calling out that Soonyoung was definitely more like a hamster than a Tiger. It was an ongoing 'fight' in the coven, everyone would tease him about being a hamster and he would always argue back that he was a tiger. Personally, all you were sure of was that he was a furry. 

You heard a throat clear, and your eyes met with Seungcheol. A serious look on his face which cleared the air of any previous humor. A hush seemed to fall over the room and all eyes were on the three of you, waiting for Seungcheol to speak.

"It's about 5, sundown should be starting soon. We should probably leave in our smaller groups and not all at once." He advised, crossing his arms over his chest as he continued. “We should probably send out the fourth grouping first.” 

He was absolutely right, it would take them a bit longer to get to their position while remaining inconspicuous. The only problem was that you still weren’t sure where Minghao was. So you nodded to show your agreement, but turned your attention to Soonyoung. 

“I’d feel more comfortable sending people out if I knew where Minghao was.” Sure he a part of the first group, so he would leave last but it was still a small concern. His group was already one of the smaller ones, consisting of only himself, Wonwoo and Minhyuk. 

“What, you think I can’t handle the group with the little wolf boy?” Speaking of Minhyuk, he called out with a grin on his face. Which definitely didn’t fit the mood of the room, but that was just how Minhyuk was. 

“I don’t think you could handle a paper bag, Hyuk.” You retorted, and the male laughed at your joking nature. You didn’t...hate Minhyuk but he was definitely a lot to deal with at times. You decided to ignore his comment about Wonwoo, but found your eyes straying to him. To your surprise you felt...worried, if there were only two members in that team it would be easier for them to be overpowered. They would be more likely to get hurt.

You heard a small snort from Hyunjin, who had decided to stick by Kevin. Soonyoung also couldn’t seem to stop himself from chuckling at your antics with the eldest Vampire, before he returned to the situation at hand.

"He decided to stay back with Minah. He said it would be better to have someone trailing her from a distance." It wasn’t a bad idea but it definitely left the teams severely unbalanced now. You also wished that he would have told you about it before hand.

Taking a moment to think about the rest of the other team compositions, you let out a small sigh. The best option would be to send either Soonyoung or Vernon. Since Minghao had decided to change the plan on his own, you'd have to bitch about that to him later when everything is done. Ruined a perfectly good plan.

"Soonie, you're gonna go with team one now, you can blame Hao later,”  

"Since when were you calling the shots?" Honestly, it was a pretty damn good question since leadership wasn’t exactly your specialty, but the cheeky grin on his face made you a little bit irritated. You knew he wasn’t questioning your decision but that he wanted to give one last jab to you before everything went down. A very Soonyoung move. 

"Since you decided that vanishing acts would be your secret skill." 

***

The alley way was dark, and cold. The snow was coming down quickly tonight, making visibility a bit lower than you would have liked. Taking a look at your team, you were outnumbered one vampire to three wolves,  but you knew you could trust them. Or...at least you hoped. They wanted this to end so you would have to hope that they would watch your back. 

“Anything yet?” You questioned, phone in hand as you waited for a response from the first team. It had been decided that each team would have one of the Wolves keep watch, since even in their human forms their sight was definitely better than a Vampires. Being the technical leader of the second group you were trying to keep your hands on all part of the stake out. At the end of the alley was Vernon, his eyes peeled as he watched for Minah to travel down your designated stretch of road. Yubin stood closest to him, crouched and ready to run out at a seconds notice. You were standing closest to Hyunwoo, who while obviously tensed, definitely seemed more relaxed than the rest of you

"Nothing yet," he confessed, eyes not leaving the street as he answered. “Not even stragglers from the bars. It’s just...empty.” It was...definitely strange. It was as if the world could tell that something was off tonight. You attention was then taken by the silent vibrations of your phone going off. Glancing over the message you then relayed it to the rest of your team.

"Minghao says he hasn’t seen anything yet. No one has even approached her." That didn’t make you feel any better, a small sense of dread was pooling in your gut as your phone buzzed once more. Backing out you went to check the other message. 

"Soonyoung said that she just passed them, but it’s basically just what Minghao reported. There was no one near her, Wonwoo couldn’t even see Mingao following her." You heard a small noise of amazement from the younger male, obviously not used to hearing about Minghao’s skills. You were about to make a mention of that being a regular occurrence when you noticed Vernon lift his index finger to his lips. The action being followed by the familiar sound of footsteps in the snow.

The air around your group grew still, yet almost painfully loud. You forced your ears to focus on the steps you had heard instead of the rapid beating of hearts that belonged to the wolves. They were far too loud and were definitely setting your nerves on edge. 

It felt like forever as you waited, eyes never leaving Vernon as you clutched your phone in your hand. Your messenger was opened and you were ready to send a report to Kevin, just in case something happened in your area they would need to know instantly.

As the footsteps grew closer, you could see Minah for a brief moment through as she passed by the alleyway where you were hiding. Thankfully, she was unaware of where everyone was stationed so she wouldn’t accidentally give away your position.

The plan had been for her to appear to be heading home, make her seem more vulnerable. It had been a perfect plan, but so far was yielding no results. Your eyes trained to her form as a small sneeze escaped her, she quickly rubbed a gloved hand against her nose to try warming it up even if just slightly. 

You waited with bated breath for her to exit safely from your area, listening intently for Vernon’s queue for you to send the message to the next team. After what felt like an eternity, Vernon’s posture dropped and his eyes finally left the street. He turned back to the group and shrugged a bit.

A part of your was grateful that nothing had happened but the other part was still tense with anxiety. Quickly typing and sending your report to Kevin, you glanced back up at Yubin and Hyunwoo. 

“I want you two,” you gestured to the fastest and strongest members of your team “to head to the fourth group and be prepared to help them out when you get there. Vernon and I are gonna check in on the third group. Make sure you keep as hidden as you can, we don’t need the stray catching on if he does see you.” 

At your words, Hyunwoo and Yubin nodded and both dashed to the other end of the alley way, taking a sharp left in the direction of the last grouping of members. It was definitely strange being the leader, it was not a job that you ever wanted again. You'd have to ask Junhui how the hell he did this all the time. It was exhausting, and stressful to be in charge of others. 

As the two finished their reports to the other groups, you began the trek towards the fourth group, Vernon following close by you as you kept to the alleyways as much as you could. Doing your best to keep as inconspicuous as possible. This street didn’t seem as deserted as the one Minah had been walking down, lingering species from all walks seemed to be wandering down the sidewalk. This caused that small lingering dread to grow as you picked up the pace, taking quicker steps towards your destination. Feeling the familiar vibrations of your phone. Your heart dropped into your stomach as you read the message from Kevin.

“Fuck, they’ve got her! ” 

***

Wonwoo felt his heart beating rapidly against his chest as he dashed around the corner, following the perp and Minah, alongside Jacob and the female Vampire who he believed was named Gahyeon. Despite her small stature she was quite quick and was a good head in front of the two wolves. It made sense to him now why you had been so adamant about her being one of the powerhouses of the Coven, but that was a thought for another time. 

He had just made it to the third grouping when Minah had been ambushed. From what Jacob had said while they were running, there had been only one assailant, he hadn’t been able to catch any distinct features but he had seen the man grab Minah and drag her into an alley just a bit away from where the third group had been stationed. Just like you had anticipated, he would have to commend you on that later. Once this was settled. 

To his surprise, not only was the assailant in the alley but so was another male. For a moment he was worried that you had been right about their numbers as well, but that worry was quelled as Gahyeon rushed to the second male’s side. He could only assume that this was Minghao and hope for the best. 

“If you let her go then things will go a lot better for you.” Minghao (?) declared, his posture seemed almost too relaxed, but Wonwoo noticed that his eyes never once left Minah’s trembling frame. The captured female looked terrified, her hands gripped tightly against her captor’s arms that had wrapped themselves around her body. He didn’t bother to try and hold her hands back, knowing that there would be no way that a simple human could over power a vampire. It was sad but true, and it seemed like Minah had also realized this.

The unfamiliar vampire rolled his eyes, one arm seemed to tighten around her waist while the other reached up and grasped her throat. He forcefully jerked her head to the side, not hard enough to kill her but just enough to make her uncomfortable. Wonwoo could see tears begin to spill from the young woman’s eyes, too scared to even attempt fighting back. This action seemed to set Minghao off, his seemingly casual posture dropped as he took a threatening step forward. The rest of the group following his lead, only to be stopped as the Stray let out a soft chuckle. 

“You know, if you get any closer I could easily snap her neck. Dead or alive, I’m still getting fed, and her blood just smells...wonderful.” He said, making a large show of burying his nose into Minah’s neck. A small terrified whimper left the young woman, her eyes clenching shut. The tension in the air could practically be cut with a knife. “Is this little human worth all this fuss? Surely Soonyoung has better things to do than deal with, little old me?”

Minghao didn’t dignify him with an answer, simply staring him down but refusing to move as long as Minah was directly in danger. It seemed as if time had stopped, completely frozen inside the cold winter’s night. 

As quickly as time froze it seemed to restart again, almost as if someone had hit the play button on a tv remote. The Stray’s head was roughly pulled back, the surprise of the attack threw him off and caused him to release Minah. Before she could hit the ground, Minghao had rushed forward to grab her. 

Everything seemed to move so fast, Wonwoo hadn’t seen who had attacked the Stray but as soon as Minah was secured he felt his body move forward on pure instinct.  Heart throbbing in his chest as he aimed a punch towards the Stray’s head, which he dodged by just a hair, only for him to be tackled by the small frame of Gahyeon. They rolled for a moment and it looked like she had the upper hand, until a shot rang out, followed by a growl of pain from the woman. She recoiled, jumping off of the stray and looking around wilding for where the shot came from.

Just as there had once been more of them than the stray, now the small group was surrounded by people from all walks of life as they waited for their backup. From the brief glance, Wonwoo could see a plethora of Fae, wolves, vampires, and even a human. They were outnumbered 8 to 5, with a disadvantage because Minghao was attempting to protect Minah as well as fight. It didn’t look good. 

Wonwoo tried to keep his eyes out for his teammates as he fended off a summer fae, small flecks of fire sparked off of her hands anytime she got close, in hopes of burning the wolf. She didn’t pack as much of a punch as he was expecting, but she was quick and practically running circles around him. It made it harder for him to land a punch much less catch the Fae woman. She was careless though, leaving holes in her defense which Wonwoo was more than happy to take advantage of. At his neck chance, his hand shot out and quickly gripped her neck and slammed her smaller frame into the wall of the alleyway. Vaguely he heard the shout of an unfamiliar name, once again followed by a gunshot.

A gunshot that he felt. Another growl of pain rang through the air, except this time from him. The pain was enough for him to drop the Fae woman in shock. 

Trying to keep himself on his feet as the Fae began a fresh assault on him, his mind enveloped in the pain of the bullet wound. Which was honestly hurting a lot more than he thought it should. For a split second he wondered if the bullet had been a silver one, but the thought was ripped from his mind as the woman took advantage of his distraction, grabbing his face and soon all he could feel was fire.

[jtsfavslut]

Stages [6/6]

Description: In which a girl goes through six stages to realize and accept the fact that her marriage is going downhill.

Stage Three: Acceptance

Description: Just when Yeimy accepts her life the way it is, she gets unexpected news.

Warnings: none

Word Count: 2k+

Acceptance (n.): a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition

Two and a half months. Two months and fifteen days and you were feeling free.

You had taken a week off of work, by simply completing all your work a week before.

You sat down by yourself at the beach and had a mental conversation with yourself.

It took you two months and fifteen days to accept the reality that you and Grayson were no longer together.

The reality that you were alone, at least for now.

You haven't talked to Karina or Ethan, or any else you knew since the day you left Grayson’s office.

They had called you, visited you but you declined every call and pretended you weren’t home until they finally gave up, leaving you a letter.

A letter telling you that they respected your decision of not wanting to have contact with anyone or anything. Letting you know that they loved you and that they were always ready to listen.

Not wanting to be that selfish, you sent Karina a text telling her how sorry you were for your actions, but that you needed some time.

Time away from everyone and everything.

And that was it.

The main reason was that Ethan reminded you of him in many ways, since they were twins, obviously.

The other main reason is that you wanted to close that chapter in your life once and for all, and you did.

And finally, you came in terms with the fact that this was now your life.

Going to work early in the morning, surviving the entire day with just a coffee and a bagel or croissant, then going home to cook a sad little meal for yourself and go to bed.

You would sometimes go to the beach, straight after work, blasting your oh so depressing indie music.

You were fine until one day you were listening to Tame Impala, and your mind went straight to the thought of him.

That being because you two bonded over your love for Tame Impala. You pulled up to work one day while blasting the Inner Speaker, the sounds of ‘Solitude Is Bliss’ caused Grayson to come up to you and asked if you listened to them on the regular.

FLASHBACK:

“I do, I literally play them every day,” you smiled walking next to him to the building’s door.

“Me too, they’re just so good,” he replied with a smile on his face, holding the door open for you, causing a light red tint to spread across your foundation covered cheeks.

“Thanks” you whispered and he nodded his head with a smile.

“Hey, maybe we can listen to them together after work?” he awkwardly asked once you were in the elevator for a few seconds, just you and him.

“I would love too, I actually know a place,” you replied with a shy smile as his eyes looked at you, begging you to say yes.

“Cool, umm I’ll wait for you at the parking lot, and then umm we can grab a bite or something,” he shyly replied, his blushing state making you smile and feel slightly better about blushing.

“Yeah, I’ll be inside your office all day anyways, sorting through papers,” you replied, mentally slapping yourself for being so shy. But then again, it was your third week in the internship and you were already flirting with your boss, who was infarct just a couple of years older than you.

“Right, there’s not that much to do today Marie, that’s your name, right? Please tell me it is?” he said as the elevator’s doors opened causing you to giggle as you both walked out.

“Lol, yeah it’s my middle name, my first name is Yeimy,” you replied and he let out a relieved sigh.

“Thank God, I thought I already messed up,” he joked while laughing.

“Nope, not yet Mr.Dolan,” you replied, following inside the office and taking a seat at your desk that was in the corner.

“Please call me Grayson, that makes me feel old,” he said and you sent him a confused look. “I’m only 21. Why do I look old?” he asked, making you laugh.

“No, no, no” you quickly let out. “You just seem mature and you’re built more grown like,” you said explaining how he had a grown man's body, you only realized what you’d said when you saw the smirk on his face.

“Oh god no, that sounds so inappropriate, I’m sorry,” you quickly apologized while he laughed.

“Marie, nowhere in the contract that you signed did it say it was wrong for us to flirt, and may I saw, you have a mature body too,” he replied with a cocky smirk and you blushed. You spent the rest of the day avoiding eye contact. Grayson made you feel nervous, yet giddy, it was a weird feeling. You liked it but you thought it was wrong, and boy was you in for a ride.

End of Flashback.

You quickly changed the song before you got yourself even deeper into your memories.

Yeah, you accepted the fact that everything between you and him was done for, but you also accepted the fact that you’ll never love anyone else like him.

Grayson was the love of your life.

Grayson was your person.

And you thought that when people said ‘right person, wrong time’ it was just a lie, but it was true.

Grayson was, and will always be your person, but the timing was wrong, unfortunately.

But that was what had happened in your life for the past two months, nothing.

You just worked, ate, workout watched Netflix, and slept. As Well as the usual night drives and constant visits to the beach.

In need of a physical for work, you had set up an appointment for 10 in the morning, and by 9 o’clock you were already dressed in some mom jeans and a cropped tee with some simple white air forces and out the door and on your way to the doctor’s office.

You dreaded going to the Doctors, not because you were scared, but because of the wait.

Once they called you in, you got up with a sigh and followed the lady inside the room, where she took your vitals, checked your height and weight, and gave you a cup to pee in, which you quickly did because you knew this was coming and held it on all the way till here.

“Hi, Yeimy, I’m Dr.Kelly, we’re gonna start with a few questions. Is that ok?” Your doctor asked after she walked inside the room after knocking a few times.

You nodded your head in response letting out a low ‘yeah’

“Ok, I know these are awkward but we have to ask everyone these, ok?” she said and started talking before you could even respond.

“Have you smoked any marijuana, or consumed any products with it?” she asked and you shook your head saying no.

“Smoked cigarettes?” she asked and you shook your head with disgust causing her to laugh.

“Never,” you replied and she let out a ‘good’ checking it off the list.

“Do you drink alcohol?” she asked.

“Nope,” you replied and she crossed that off the list.

“Last one. Have you had any unprotected sex within the last three months?” she asked looking up from her paper as you stayed quiet for a few seconds.

“Yeah,” you sighed. Recalling the last time you had fucked anyone was when you found out Grayson was cheating on after he had done just about everything to you.

“Any pregnancy symptoms? Just know we’ll do a test with your urine to make sure, and if it were to come positive we’ll send you to the Ob/Gyn’s office and help you with everything you need,” she said with a reassuring smile after she noticed your mood swift from calm to nervous and stiff.

“Ok, yeah thanks,” you softly whispered out with a smile.

“Ok sweetie, you seemed just about fine, vitals are good, your weight is good, height seems a little short for your age but other than that everything is good,” she said getting up from her chair as you chuckled at the height part.

“I’ll be right back, with your results. And everything will be alright, there are always options,” she said trying to make you feel better before she left.

Which didn’t work at all?

What if you were pregnant? You knew abortion wasn’t the answer for you, but what would you do.

You knew you were going to keep it, throwing adoption out of the window,

The only concern was regarding Grayson.

If you are pregnant, are you going to tell him? Or are you gonna raise the child all by yourself?

What would be his reaction? I mean for the love of God, you were just starting to get over the man...sort off.

You didn’t even know if you were or weren’t pregnant and you were already overthinking everything, and being alone in a small, white and quiet room wasn’t helping. Not even a bit.

You pushed them to the back of your mind, trying to think of something else even though they still lingered around.

The doctor was gone for five minutes, but those five minutes seemed like five hours due to your nervous state.

“Congrats Yeimy, you’re pregnant. You’re about three months, and two weeks, we’re not exactly sure, but the Ob/Gyn can tell you that once we set up an appointment,” she said, your ears only hearing the pregnant part.

It was at that exact moment that your life had changed, for the second time this year.

But in your mind, it was something somewhat positive.

Positive in the aspect that you had wanted kids all your life, so this was making you happy, and knowing you weren’t going to be alone.

But negative because you were going to have to raise a child all by yourself, you had the money, the housing, and everything a child needed to grow up.

The only thing you didn’t have to provide was a father.

It was wrong. Wrong on so many levels. And selfish too, but as you sat in your kitchen for almost two hours, thinking and trying to come up with a solution.

You decided you weren’t going to tell him. At least not yet. You and him were done for, and you didn’t want to bring him back into your life.

You couldn’t. You just got over him and accepted the fact that you had gotten divorced.

And you kept it to yourself. It was easy, after getting a divorce from Grayson, all the spotlight you had was take away too, which you were grateful for. You deleted every social media, and you were back to your previous social status, somehow.

Now you were just a writer for Vogue who dated a celebrity and now doesn’t, which helped you hide the pregnancy away from everyone.

The only thing you care about now is your baby.

That was it.

So you started eating healthier, stressing less and getting a good night sleep every night.

You had also told your boss, who you had a good work-relationship with. She always listened to you and you did to her.

She was so happy when you told her, and told you how she was going to spoil him or her, and how she was going to let you work from home since she knew you had nobody.

You loved her, she was like the mom you never had, since she was old enough to be your mom, but had the mentally to understand people your age.

Knowing that took a large amount of stress off your shoulder, since you knew that when the baby was born, you would have all the time and everything you’ll need to raise him or her properly.

Because from that day on, all you had and still have is your baby, a tiny little bean inside your uterus that you don’t even know the gender of.

Tags: @angelgrayson @rhyrhy462 @333dolans @vinylhazza @fangdolan @dolanissues es @mercurygrant @persistence-ofmemories @dolansficsandpics @blindedbythelightt @kinkygrays @pineappledols @the-evolution-of-stupidity @evergreendolan @beatement-l l @graydolan12

[itsamejin]

leave me || suga angst

Part 2

Warning: Use of the word "bitch" once, cheating, toxic relationship, yoongi is bad, really angsty

Summary: He's cheating and you're aware. You just don't know what to do about it.

–

"[Y/N], something came up at the studio. I need to get back. Don't wait up for me."

It would've been nice, you thought, if he at least looked up from his phone's screen and had the decency to acknowledge your existence. He struggled to put his leather jacket on as he kept typing away with his right hand.

He didn't even try anymore.

You heard him grab the keys and you couldn't help but clench every single muscle in your body. It was infuriating how easy it was for him to ignore you. To ignore the dinner you made and the effort you put into cooking his favorite food.

With a lost appetite, you slammed down the spoon in your hand onto the dining table.

You heard the front door close and heaved out a large sigh. Yoongi knew you would wait for him anyways, so why bother even mentioning it?

Making your way to the kitchen sink, you wondered where it all went wrong. If it was more your fault or his. If there was even a good reason for him to treat you like a stranger.

After aggressively scrubbing the remnants of food away from your plate, you had made your way to the living room and settled down on the couch. It'd be your best friend until Yoongi came home from "work."

The channel surfing managed to distract you from the dark thoughts that frequented your mind, but only temporarily. Once they would surface, the negativity would start to flow. It would make you start to wallow in sadness, becoming a destructive force that you would later take out on Yoongi in another argument.

You wondered why you were even shocked. Yoongi had never been affectionate in the first place and he wasn't the most attentive. Maybe it's because he always made it up to you in the end. Whether it would be a fancy seaside dinner or a midnight picnic. He always confirmed his love when it felt like you needed it the most, but now it's all reserved for the other girl.

The "other girl" was a cheap nickname for a beautiful yet naive supermodel that probably didn't even know of your existence. Her name was Jieun, not that it mattered. She was just the other girl to you. She'd never be anything more or less than a person that Yoongi chose to prioritize over you.

Maybe he thought he was being smart when he changed her contact on his phone to "boss". Maybe he knew you overheard him saying "love you too" in that soft, pale voice while he was hanging out at the porch. Maybe there was no Jieun and you were just a paranoid girlfriend that couldn't stop the neverending doubts that surfaced for the past three months.

But you knew that wasn't the case, even if you wished that it was. You were smart and so was Yoongi. He sometimes made it obvious, probably so you could break up with him first. Make him look like the victim. You didn't want to give up that easily, but your patience was waning. It wasn't fair, not at all. Six years of putting up with his bullshit and it takes one beautiful woman to ruin all of it.

An hour into waiting, you found yourself in tears with the television blaring in the background and the photo albums of Yoongi and you scattered around the living room. It always came down to this on the lonelier nights.

One photo in particular always caught your eye. It was a pair of interlocking hands, one calloused yet beautiful and the other being yours. It was taken the day you exchanged promise rings. Yoongi never wore his anymore because of "a possibility of being caught" but it was all bullshit. Staring back and forth between the photo and the real accessory that adorned your index finger, you realized that there was a slight rusting. It reminded you of something familiar.

–

It would be another four hours of scrounging through the pages until you realized it was way past 2 AM and that Yoongi probably stayed over the other girl's home. You don't know why, but it hurt more that night than the other times you naively waited for him to come home.

–

Two days until you'd catch a glimpse of Yoongi again. He hadn't even acknowledged you when he walked into the shared apartment. He just set his leather jacket down and proceeded to take a shower in the guest bedroom's bathroom.

You didn't understand why he'd wanted to move in with you when the members' dorm was literally two floors above your own. That's one of the primary reasons you two never got caught. They all entered the building together, but Yoongi happened to live separately. It was a good idea in hindsight, but it felt like a burden having to see them and their disapproving gazes.

You were never particularly close to the members, in all honesty. You were pretty sure they disliked you. Probably afraid of the destruction you could do to Yoongi's career. The thought of that was odd, of course, considering you should be the one weary of them. You knew him longer and you knew he never wanted to be an idol. His dream was to be a producer- a soloist at most. Not some manufactured idol that was showcased by the very people he despised in society. In time, Yoongi changed and soon grew to accept his new image.

Maybe you should too.

–

It would be a week after Yoongi's last visit that reports would start to come out about Yoongi and Jieun's possible relationship.

It would take only a few hours for it to be confirmed by both sides. Maybe your heart should've felt more broken, but you were so beaten down by now that it didn't even matter.

You told yourself six years ago that he deserved someone that could keep him happy and you had to change if he no longer was.

But you know better now and that it wasn't you who needed to change to make the relationship work. It would be and should be up to him.

What you needed to do was leave him, never turn back and start a life where you didn't have to feel like an embarrassing secret. Where a man would love you with his whole being and never take you for granted. At one point, Yoongi was that person. But the Yoongi you love is not the Yoongi that currently exists.

–

It took all your strength to pack up the items you owned in the apartment. All of the couple items were thrown in a trash bag, including the promise ring he had hid in the back of his underwear drawer. Your ring was still perched around your index finger. Taking it off would only serve to hurt you more. You'd put it back in a box and seal it away when your love for Yoongi was permanently erased. For now it will remain stuck to you like a battle scar.

The plushies he gave you, the paintings you made of him, and the photo albums with six years worth of memories were all stuffed into the trash. With tears smeared on your shirt, you piled plastic bags over the items to hide what you've done. That there was nothing to see and you definitely hadn't thrown six years of your life away into a Hefty bag.

Your luggage was packed with a minimal amount of clothes and while it was your place to begin with, you found yourself leaving it all behind and in the posession of your cheating ex-boyfriend. The only remainder of him left on you besides the promise ring was a physical copy of an old, unproduced mixtape of his. One unreleased song was in it and it was the only thing from Suga that you knew was exactly dedicated for you. Because he rapped it to you over the phone before his very first performance. The lyrics of the song played in your head to torment your sanity even further.

Even if you leave me

Know that I'll still love you

Fate will have us find each other

And then you'll love me too

One last look at the living room and you were off. There was no reason to stay in a place you no longer felt welcomed in.

–

{8:32 AM}

Babe: [Y/N] Did you only do your laundry and not mine? My clothes are dirty as shit would it have killed for you to do an extra load?

{12:39 PM}

Babe: [Y/N] You've been gone for like a few hours now. You good? I didn't mean what I said about the laundry thing I take it back.

{5:32 PM}

Babe: for fucks sake. Where the hell are you???

{7:18 PM}

Babe: If this is about Jieun then I'd prefer you and I just talk about it rather than hiding like a fucking coward

{8:04 PM}

Babe: [Y/N] istg

{10:45 PM}

Babe: Stop ignoring me I know you're getting these messages

{11:01 PM}

Babe: [Y/N]

{11:02 PM}

Babe: [Y/N]

{12:23 AM}

Babe: If this is your way of breaking up with me then fine.

so fucking be it you bitch

–

AN: i deleted my hendery angst pt 2 accidentally so here's a suga angst i wrote so long ago and decided to polish up now. Look forward to more content soon~ (should this be a series?)

[lovemesomesurveys]

Did 2015 just fly by to you? I probably did feel that way. I usually do when looking back on each year. The only things I really remember about 2015 is graduating UC and hanging out with Ty.

Do you like platform shoes? No. I couldn’t wear them anyway.

How much black is in your wardrobe? Most of my wardrobe is black. 

Are you supposed to be doing something else? Nah, this is what I like doing at this time of night as part of my nighttime routine.

If you were with your favorite person right now, what would you be doing? I’d like finish watching this show my mom and I have been watching and check out the first two episodes of the new season of another show. 

Did you have a good holiday season? I did.

Anything special planned for today? Nope.

Who do you really trust in your life? My family.

What do you think about Justin Bieber? I like some of his music.

Do you wish you could change the past? Not entirely, but there’s a lot I wish I could change.

What is your hot drink of choice? Coffeeee.

Do you own a gun? No.

Have you ever cracked your cell phone screen? Not my current phone, but in the past I have. I haven’t had that happen in years, though.

Have your pants ever fallen down in public? No.

If you had to delete one year of your life, which year would it be? I wouldn’t want to delete an entire year. I’d like to change things that happened in various years, though.

What is your favorite article of clothing you own? All of them, which is why I have them.

How late do you usually stay up? Until like 7 or 8AM. :X

What is your favorite Christmas song? I love all the classics.

What all have you had to eat today? It’s only 4AM and so far I’ve just had ramen. 

If your entire life was a movie, what would it be called? I don’t know.

Blue or green? I like various shades of both.

What's your current least favorite song? *shrug* I haven’t been listening to music lately.

Do you know how to play chess? Nope.

What is something the world needs less and more of in your opinion? We need more unity and less stupidity and hatred.

Do you know someone who is just so breathtakingly attractive? Alexander Skarsgard.

How hard is it for you to open up to others? I have a really hard time with that. Even with people I am close to.

What is something that has really impacted your life? My physical disability for sure as well as health issues.

Quick! Chinese or Mexican? Hm. It honestly depends what food I’m in the mood for. I do have Mexican more often. I enjoyed both a lot more when I could eat spicy stuff, but I can’t anymore. :(

How many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life? I’ve only had one, technically. We had the relationship title, anyway. It didn’t feel like one, though. What I had with Joseph felt closer to one in a lot of ways, but we never officially dated. 

I have to ask: What does the last text you received say? My dad asked me to do something.

How about the last text you sent? I asked my mom if she could grab me something while she was at the store.

Have you shared any kisses today? No.

Did the last person you kissed have soft lips, or were they kind of crusty? They were soft.

Do you think your life will be any different a year from now? For the past few years nothing seems to change each passing year, but that’s largely my own doing. Not in a good way, anyway. There have been bad changes.

What is in your wallet? Credit cards.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? Nope.

When was the last time you went to the doctor? This past Tuesday. 

Are you going out of town anytime soon? Nope.

Do you hate your ex? No.

When are you going to get a haircut? I have no idea.

Can you fit your hand around your wrist? Yes. 

Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Yes.

When was the last time you applied chapstick? I don’t remember.

Are you a coffee person or a tea person? Coffee all the way.

Do you have a weird laugh? *shrug*

Do you have videos on YouTube? I do, but they’re all private and will never see the light of day again.

When’s the last time you had a phone conversation for more than ten minutes? I don’t remember. I rarely talk on the phone and when I do they’re very brief conversations.

Do you laugh at inappropriate times? No.

What’s your fast food restaurant of choice? The ones I go to are Chick-fil-A, Carl’s Jr, Jack in the Box, and McDonald’s. I haven’t been eating fast food much lately, though.

All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? D, G, and J.

Are you in any kind of pain right now? Yes.

Are you the jealous type? I can be, but I haven’t felt that way in years.

What did you and your ex fight about most? Our issue was definitely lack of/poor communication. 

Do you have a foot phobia? I’m not afraid of feet, but I hate them lol. No one should even think about trying to put their feet on me or near me. I hate mine, too.

Well, are you a germaphobe? I don’t share drinks or eat off someone’s food or utensil or anything like that or want them to do that to mine. I’ll gladly cut off a piece and share or pour some out for ya. 

Don’t you love long hugs? From certain people.

And long kisses? Yes.

Have you ever purchased condoms? No.

Do you have a dirty mind? Sometimes.

What’s your favorite soda? I don’t drink soda anymore, but Coke and Dr. Pepper were my favorites.

Do you check the mail everyday, or somebody else? I personally don’t, but someone in my family does.

Did you think braces were cool when you were little? No.

Do you ever go without makeup or doing your hair? I haven’t worn makeup in almost 4 years and I just throw my hair up in a messy bun all the time. I also admittedly don’t brush it everyday.

Put your iTunes on shuffle RIGHT NOW and tell me the first song it plays. I don’t use iTunes and I don’t feel like opening Spotify right now.

What was the last song you added to your iTunes library? I forget the last song I added to my Spotify.

Are you embarrassed by any of the songs in your iTunes? I’m not embarrassed by any of the songs on my Spotify.

When was the last time you were sick? Back in October.

Did you get anybody else sick? No, it wasn’t contagious.

What brand is your camera? I just use my phone, which is an iPhone 12 Pro Max.

Do you like raisins? Yeah. Chocolate covered raisins, especially. ha. Who was your Valentine this year? I won’t have one.

When did you first kiss the last person you kissed? March 2011.

And when did you last kiss the last person you kissed? Sometime in 2013.

Did you borrow that shirt from somebody? Nope, it’s mine.

What was the last thing you put in your mouth? My medicine.

Do you like to swim? No.

How many vacations have you been on in the past year? My last vacay was last February a month before COVID hit and everything shut down. It’s crazy how fast everything changed and everything that has happened since then. We had no idea what was coming. I’m glad we happened to take a nice vacation when we did cause who knows when the next one will be. 

Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? I’m single, but no I never have in the past.

Are you supposed to be doing homework, young man/lady? Nopeee, I’m done with school.

Do you have to wake up early tomorrow? Nope.

Do you have any prescriptions currently? Yes.

Are you upset about anything? Bleh.

Where was the last place you went that you hadn't been to before? The OC.

Who was the last member of the opposite sex to make you smile? My brother.

Who was the last attractive person you saw? I see Alexander Skarsgard on my dash all the time. 

Do you have a friend whose name begins with "C"?

Is there anything happening in the next week that you're looking forward to? New episodes of some shows I’m watching to come out.

How many people have you kissed whose name starts with "R"? Zero.

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? It’s been a few years. 

When was the last time you were invited to go somewhere and you declined? The other day my mom asked me if I wanted to tag along for the ride with her while she ran some errands, but I declined.

The last time you saw your best friend, what were they wearing? She was wearing a black shirt with Maleficent on it that I got her for Christmas.

How did you meet the person you're currently interested in? I’m not interested in anyone romantically right now.

What was the last gift you received and who gave it to you? Various Christmas presents from my family.

When was the last time you drank alcohol and what was the occasion? My birthday back in 2013.

You've got an unread message on Facebook; who do you want it to be from? There isn’t anyone in particular. 

What if the person you miss walked into the room right now? The people I miss have passed away, so...

Are you still with the person you fell the hardest for and if not, do you still speak to them? Nope.

What was the last song that made you cry and what does the song talk about? I don’t remember.

If you're in a relationship, how long have you been together? I’m single.

If you're single, are you looking for a relationship? No.

Look around the room; what's the closest blue object? My back pillow.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? No.

How old were your parents when they met? They were in their early and mid 20s.

Who was the last person you added to your phone's contacts? I don’t recall.

What's a song that reminds you of someone you miss? Everlong (the acoustic version) by Foo Fighters.

What's the most expensive item you've bought recently? It was an accumulation of things when I was doing my Christmas shopping.

Who're the last three people you hugged? My mom, dad, and doggo. 

What's the third song on your iTunes "most played" list?

What exactly is on your mind at this moment? I’m tired.

What is it that makes you awesome? Nothing.

What is today’s date? January 16, 2021.

What time is it? 4:55AM.

At this moment in time, is there anything worrying you, that no one else knows about? Yes.

Have you ever cried in front of the last person you texted? Countless times.

What was the last thing you watched on YouTube? I’m watching an ASMR video.

Have you ever voluntarily read the Bible? Yes. I read and study the Bible. I participate in Bible studies. Have you ever thought that your life was so bad you wanted to give up? I’ve felt that way a lot.

How old are you? 31.

When do you start school? I’m done with school.

Do thunder and storms scare you? I love ‘em. We have had a thunderstorm here in so long it feels like.

How often would you say you take naps? Not that often since I usually sleep in until like 5PM. And not to say I couldn’t still take a nap cause I could (I’m always tired), but I wouldn’t want to so late in the day.

How many times in your life have you held a baby? Many times. I have a younger brother and I also have held several of my cousins when they were babies.

Do you like country music? Yeah.

What were you doing at 7:45 this morning? It’s only 5AM, but I’ll most likely be asleep or attempting to.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? I haven’t done so yet today, but I’m always like “ew.” I avoid looking in the mirror as much as possible.

Do you look decent when you wake up? No. Or ever.

Do you like to cuddle? I don’t have much cuddling experience to be honest, but sure.

Were you single on your last birthday? Yes.

Do you have any candles in your room? I do. I never light candles, so I’m not really sure why I have one any, but *shrug*

How long does it take you in the shower? Like 30-45 minutes.

Relationship between you and the last person you texted? She’s my mom.

When was the last time you felt unbearably guilty? I feel guilty about a few things.

Are you currently looking forward to anything? Just new episodes of some of the shows I watch like I mentioned before and new shows in general. There’s a lot coming out this year.

What are two foods you think only taste good with whipped cream? Uhh. I can’t think of any that I think only taste good with whipped cream. 

If you eat it, what is your favorite way to eat beef? When it’s in the form of meatballs (mixed with sausage, garlic, onion, and herbs).

What foods go good with radishes? Don’t they commonly go in salads?

Are you insecure about your height? What made you think this way? No. I do wish I was taller, though.

Did your last significant other have a huge temper? No.

Do you usually close the door with your feet or with your hands? My hands.

Are you a fussy eater? I am a picky eater and due to appetite and other issues I’m very particular about what I eat and how it’s prepared and all that. I honestly only eat the same few foods.

Do you enjoy visiting your grandparents? Yes.

Is your hair hard to manage? For me it is. I don’t have the energy or motivation for it.

Have you ever shopped online? I do a lot of online shopping, especially the past few years. Even more so this past year alone due to COVID.

Do you prefer gold or silver? I like both.

What about diamonds or pearls? Both.

Have you ever had surgery? I’ve had several.

Have you ever eaten at Chik-fil-a? Yeah, many times.

Do you spray tan? Nope.

How many hours of sleep would you say you got last night? About 5ish. 

How many aunts and uncles do you have? 3 aunts, 8 uncles. 

Would you say your life is hard? It is for me.

Are your fingernails, and toenails painted, if so, what color? Nope, neither of them are.

Would you ever think about doing porn? No.

What did your last text message you received on your cell say? My dad asked me to do something.

What is something you need to go shopping for? Nothing at the moment.

[nethwan]

A Life By Your Side

Summary: Both, Lars and Mei receive important news. 

Other links:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25720198/chapters/63228301

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13663177/4/A-Life-By-Your-Side

________________________

Chapter IV - Revelations

It had been very painful for Ling to see Mei leave her home like that. When she told her that she needed a place to stay because she was leaving Lars, she didn’t want to believe it, because they looked very happy and in love, but with the accident the situation had taken a very sudden turn. She didn’t blame him, after all who causes an accident of that magnitude. So, Ling didn’t hesitate and offered her a room, but what had troubled her was her request:

“Please, don’t tell anyone, least of all mom. I’ll explain later”

When Mei finished settling in, she finally agreed to tell her, but while she doing so, she blamed herself for her insistence. Even saying that he had probably already considered divorce before the accident. Ling tried to make her see that it wasn’t true and that the misunderstanding would soon be fixed, but Mei wouldn’t believe it. As much as Ling wanted to encourage her, she knew that none of her words would fix her sister’s situation. They only thing left was to wait, to wait for time to heal everything. Although she knew it would be difficult for Mei.

On the other hand, Mei made her best effort not to call Lars, not to contact anyone who knew him to find out how he was. Even when Henri heard about the situation, she didn’t ask about him. It was a pity that Lars wasn’t a fan of social media, but if he was, Mei would feel like a stalker by constantly checking his profiles. Anyway, she would check her phone for notifications, as if she expected him to look for her, but that never happened. So, to ease her anxiety she would leave for work early and then come home as soon as she could to avoid being asked about him. She still didn’t want anyone to know that she had left the house, which wasn’t a scandal, but she didn’t want to talk about it with other people.

Then, little by little she started looking for something else to do. She started drawing in her notebook, updated her web comic for the first time in months, deleted the comments of that annoying hater and made all kinds of commissions. Ling had never seen her so busy, but she knew she was doing it to distract her mind and not think about him anymore. As if she didn’t know that this was her method of escaping from reality. That was Mei, even though she was an expressive person who said what she thought, when it was about something that really hurt her, she preferred to run away and pretend there was no such problem.

But it didn’t work. Sometimes she caught herself drawing him, writing his name in her notebooks or looking at his pictures too. Then, she would stop what she was doing and tell herself that she would be better off without him, that she shouldn’t miss him because he probably didn’t think about her. Those words still echoed in her head: I don’t love you and I feel overwhelmed when I’m with you. So, she cried a little. At other times she tried to magnify his flaws, inventing faults for him; she listed what she didn’t like about him, his bad habits, misrepresented conflicts, and then convinced herself that she could stop loving him very soon. Although deep down she knew it was a lie.

Ling was concerned about Mei, not only her mental health but also her physical health, especially when she heard her complaining of nausea in the morning. Nothing she ate was doing her any good, maybe it was nerves or anxiety, Ling wanted to think, praying that it would be something as simple as that.

One morning while Mei was cleaning the apartment, she suddenly started feeling dizzy. She thought perhaps it was fatigue, as she had had very little sleep over the past few days, but when this was compounded by nausea that would not leave her alone, a single conclusion crossed her mind. She tried to remember the last time she got her period. She had been so busy with Lars’s recovery and then with her work that she hadn’t even thought much about herself. In counting, she was about two months behind.

She thought it was a coincidence, but she remembered that shortly little before the accident, she and Lars had made love quite often because they were planning to have a baby. The night before the crash had been one of those occasions, and it was more than two months later. She began to worry, but maybe she shouldn’t jump to conclusions. She told Ling what was going on and her sister suggested a pregnancy test.  

The two sisters waited patiently for the result. It was positive. Mei cried a little for joy and a little for fear. In other circumstances, this would have been wonderful news, because she longed to become a mother, but now she didn’t know how to react. They made an appointment with the gynecologist, just to make sure, and in case she was pregnant, to know if everything was fine. In fact, Mei was already nine weeks pregnant, so everything happened before the accident just as she thought it would. That added up to something else to think about, but at least in a positive way, because she wanted to keep going for the baby that was coming.

That afternoon, Mei locked herself in her room. Lying in bed, she caressed her belly and looked at the ceiling, thinking about everything that was happening and how her life had changed so much in a few months. She remembered with pain, when she and Lars talked about having a baby. He looked hesitant at first but little by little he started to cheer up, especially after he had seen her holding his newborn nephew. It was the plans they talked about every night before they went to sleep. Neither of them expected to find themselves in a similar circumstance to the one they were living in. But it must have been worse for him, she thought. Had she known that night would be the last time Mei would hold Lars in her arms, she would never have let him go.

A while later, Ling knocked on the door, brought her a cup of tea and a slice of cake she had just baked. Mei thanked with a smile. They talked about different subjects, but Ling wanted to know what would happen from now on and especially what she would say to Lars.

“The truth is, I don’t know what I should do. Maybe I should hide it from him, go away and never come back. Start somewhere else by myself with the baby.”

“I think you should tell him.”

“Why? He hasn’t even communicated with me. He doesn’t care about me.”

“I know he cares about you, you both needed space is all, and he still has a right to know.”

“But I’m afraid, Ling. What if Lars becomes reluctant to accept paternity or accuses me of having a false pregnancy to get him come back. What if he ends up by hating me completely now,” she cried. “He is no longer the man who loved me.”

Mei decided to think hard about what she would say so he would be aware. For now, she announced to her parents that she was pregnant. Her father wasn’t at home, and her mother took the news very well, but since she didn’t hear it so enthusiastically, she asked her to talk to her in private.

“Mei, baby, you don’t sound happy. Did something bad happen?”

“No, it’s not that serious.”

“Does it have to do with Lars’ accident?” she insisted with concern.

“It’s just… I don’t know, I’m so confused,” Mei sobbed.

Mei took a deep breath and told her everything that had happened. Her mother had been the only one to support her relationship with Lars, not that the rest of the family hated him, but he was very likely to be misunderstood because of his intimidating aura and arrogant airs. Mei’s mother, to the other hand, knew that he loved her daughter and only cared about seeing her happy. After listening to her story, she kept silent for a few moments to try to understand the situation.

“I think the two of you should talk to each other to come to an agreement. I know this is all difficult, but you are two adults and should act like that. Be honest with him. He is probably still confused. You know him better than anyone else,” her mother said, understanding.

“I know, it’s just that it scares me.”

“I understand, but even if you’ve decided to separate, there’s still the legal part, you must sign papers and above all he must be aware that he has a child on the way.”

Tender and comforting words followed. Mei smiled slightly at a joke from her mother about becoming a grandmother for the first time. Then she decided she was right and it was better to talk to Lars.

Then she got a call from a Stacy to say that Lars had moved on without her. Of course, Mei didn’t believe her, because that woman had already been rejected and was behaving very strangely. Lars wasn’t the type to do just anything, besides if he wanted to move on, he would have called her to talk it over and come to an agreement. But she agreed to go, because she wanted to see for herself.

“I don’t know, Mei, I have a bad feeling. Don’t go,” Ling asked.

“It’s ok, I know her. She probably just wants to scare me.”

“At least don’t go alone”

So, she and Lien went with her and none of the three gave any credence to what they would see. They took Mei in a hurry, even though they knew he was following them. Ling wouldn’t forgive him. Never. If she had to be honest, she estimated him because he made her sister happy and was a respectable person, but with what had just happened she no longer knew who he was. She was no longer sure if she could trust him anymore. Either way, something didn’t feel right and it was as if he had been deceived too. Then he kept insisting on calling Mei, even going to look for her.

“Please, leave my sister, leave her alone” she replied, tired.

Meanwhile, Mei had locked herself in her room, staring out the window in silence as tears ran down her cheeks. At first, she had been shocked, and though Ling and Lien began to rant against him, Mei didn’t say a word, simply shutting herself away. Ling opened the door to check on her, and found her staring out the window her gaze empty. She went over and hugged her, trying to comfort her. Then she understood that her sister was going to need all the support in the world.

______________________

Finally, after trying to contact her, by whatever means, Henri got Mei’s number and Lars was able to locate her. For Mei it had been very surprising, when she heard his voice, she was paralyzed. She wanted to hang up, but she had also decided to tell him about the pregnancy.

“Mei? Mei, is you? Please answer. Don’t hang up” he asked.

“How did you find my number?” Mei replied in a barely audible voice.

“Never mind that, I need to see you and talk to you so I can apologize in person.”

She was silent for a few seconds and accepted because she also had something urgent, she wanted to discuss. She asked him to meet her at some restaurant, because she knew that Ling would kick him out if he showed up there. They arranged to meet that very afternoon, because if they left it for another day, neither of them could be at peace.

A couple of hours later, Mei greeted him nervously, and for the tremor of her voice and her distressed expression, Lars knew that it was a delicate matter. They talked about what had happened that day. Lars was so honest about Stacy that Mei had no doubt that it had indeed been planned, but that still didn’t give her any confidence. It still hurt her to remember that moment, what she imagined happened between them and all the bad things he believed about her.  

“I have been very selfish all this time. It was you who was always by my side, the only one who wanted to help me in those moments and the one who suffered the most. I, on the other hand, was ungrateful.”

“It wasn’t entirely your fault. I pushed you to remember me, I thought we could live like before, that I could get my husband back, but I didn’t consider how you really felt,” she admitted.

“Of course, it was, I was very stubborn not to trust you and it’s understandable that you would want everything to go back to normal.”

Mei started to feel irritated and disgusted again, this time by the intense smell of coffee, which had been making her dizzier lately.

“Mei, are you alright? You look agitated. Have you been sick? Do you need a ride home?”

“No, don’t worry. It’s just… now I need to tell you something very important,” she said, biting her lip and struggling to look him in the eye.

“What is it about?” he asked, in a soft voice.

“Well, I…”

“Is that something I can help you with?” he asked again, worried about the tension in the air.

“It’s just… I’m pregnant…” she said without further ado.

Lars kept quiet, trying to process the news. He didn’t know what to say to her, she looked nervous, but at the same time excited. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe her, the parenthood articles he found were proof, but it was still unexpected news. He never thought he would hear those words right now. Judging by her face she had probably thought a lot about how to communicate it to him, maybe fearing his reaction, maybe that he would reject her again. Yet as much as he was afraid, the news didn’t seem a bad thing. Many bad things had already happened, and at least this was different.

She explained again that before the accident they had been trying to have a baby. They had even taken some tests to see if everything was in order and finally tried. She showed them with the documents from when she had gone to the gynecologist with Ling. The pregnancy was going great, all she needed was some vitamins, and rest and better nutrition, nothing out of the ordinary.  

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t want it to be under these circumstances. But I won’t ask anything in return. And yes, it’s really yours, if you want a paternity test, I am more than willing to allow it…” she said.

“No need” he asked, trying to reassure her.

“Anyway, I just wanted you to know, in case you ever want to meet the child,” she said hesitantly.

“What are you talking about? Of course, I’m going to take responsibility,” he replied, holding her hand.

“No, you don’t have to. This was between me and the old Lars …” she said, breaking away from him. “I just wanted you to know.”

“But I can’t leave you like this. You are still my wife and that baby is mine too. I know I have no right to claim anything after how much I’ve made you suffer, but I don’t want to abandon you in that state.”

“Really, It’s not necessary. I don’t want anything from you, we’ll manage” she said in trembling voice, taking her hands off him.

“It is. You didn’t do that to yourself, it takes two to tango.”

Even though Lars was scared to death and didn’t know what would happen from now on, he had to do the right thing and take responsibility. How could he be able to leave her alone and pregnant, while he was too comfortable and carefree in a huge apartment. Yes, Mei had her sister who had surely been her biggest support in the last weeks, but it wasn’t fair to her either. Ling probably had a lot of things to do and a life to take care of. Besides, maybe it would be a chance to get better acquainted with Mei. He needed to reconcile with her.

Mei knew he was serious. Deep down, she felt safe, but on the other hand, she was afraid that he would end up hating her for tying him again and that resentment would come out. That’s why she didn’t want to accept, even if she wanted to be at peace with him again. In the end she agreed, thinking that her sister needed a break from the drama and on the condition that they would give each other their space. As if they were roommates, but with a baby on the way. So, he asked her for a couple of days so that she could pack calmly and he could fix some of the damage.

When she returned to Ling’s apartment, Mei announced that she would come back with Lars. Her sister said nothing, because she wanted to respect her decision. Maybe they both needed to live together and talk to each other to resolve their differences, thought the younger sister, although she was still worried about her.

Mei packed up all her belongings again, this time feeling guilty, especially when she thought maybe it was her chance to win him back, but with the discomfort of pregnancy and her body gradually changing, that seemed impossible. At least she was content to start getting along. After two days, Lars returned for her. He put everything in the car and waited for Mei to take her back. Ling told her to be patient and if anything happened, no matter what, she would always keep the doors of her apartment open for her. Mei thanked her. Both sisters hugged each other and Ling wished with all her being that the situation changed for better.  

On the way, Mei thought that returning like this wasn’t the way she imagined it would happen. It was uncomfortable the idea of living together again as if nothing had happened. It was only out of commitment, because he didn’t want to be look like a bad man who abandoned a woman pregnant with his child and probably felt guilty about what happened a few weeks ago. It was logical, after all she knew he was very responsible and had a great sense of duty. When they finally arrived, Mei took the suitcase with her clothes, he wanted to help her carry it, but she refused.

“You don’t have to help me with everything. My belly is not that big yet, I can move around without problems” she asked, because her pregnancy was hardly noticeable.

Lars let her take her belongings, feeling a little naïve, but he was unaware of all that pregnancy implied. Besides, he was afraid, not only of what was awaiting them, but of her getting hurt. During the couple of days, they didn’t see each other, he had tried to inform himself, the descriptions were so graphic that he preferred to leave it for later.

Mei was going to settle in the same room where she had slept while he was recovering, but Lars told her to take the other one where the double bed was. When she went in there, she noticed that he had arranged it carefully, had bought new sheets and curtains, there was a fan, a TV with streaming service, a table with a chair, all conveniently to hand. When she realized what was going on, she understood what the alleged damage was.

“Lars, you didn’t have to bother with all this. It’s not like I’m going to stay forever”

“It was no bother.”

“Then, you would have put the fridge here,” she said, ironically.

“I’ll see what I can do, I could buy a mini fridge and…”

“Just kidding” she interrupted him.

“I just want you to be comfortable. You helped me a lot when I got back from the hospital, so I want to do the same for you. I know it’s not the same, but I want us to be fine.”

“Oh…” said Mei, a little disappointed because it was to return the favor and because he felt guilty. “I’ll pay my part of all the expenses, of course,” she remarked.

He ended up accepting. He wanted to start again. He wanted to be there for her after what had happened, and of course, for the child they were expecting. He still felt like an idiot for thinking badly of her, so he deserved whatever she thought of him.

[marvelandimagine]

Framework (Part Two)

Summary: Request - Bucky x reader songfic where he pushes her away and they break up but he’s miserable without her and it all ends in fluff and apologies

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Word Count: 2,200

Author’s Note: This was literally the hardest chapter I’ve ever written idk why but I should probably start outlining instead of winging it 25/7 lol anywho sorry this took forever and hopefully p3 will come to my brain faster! / based on Framework by The Story So Far

Taglist: @firefly-in-darkness @emptynote @buckysgoddess

How’d this happen?

Found your way in

So distracting

Splitting me in half again

Can’t ever sever the ties I made

The knots are strong

The framework’s laid

No matter how many things I say

The tangible will always be what I crave

Six agonizing days pass, with Bucky coming to the conclusion that he actually can’t live with his decision. He feels like he’s drowning in regret, his anxiety is off the charts, and, plainly, he’s just fucking miserable.

Despite everything he said to you, to himself, to Sam, it’s become crystal clear that not having you in his life is hurting him way more than confronting his trust issues and fear of impermanence.

He misses you like hell. The scent of your clothes, the way you laugh, the warmth in your eyes and on your fingertips. How perfectly your bodies fit together, the way you gasp and growl his name. How you would hold him to your chest, tracing soothing patterns across his skin when he couldn’t stop shaking from the nightmares and the flashbacks. How funny and beautiful and kind you are. Even things that had irritated him, your reiterated suggestions of different therapies and mindfulness techniques (some that had helped you personally), how you never tried to hide rolling your eyes, you constantly misplacing your keys/phone/wallet and him finding it within seconds -- he missed it all. All of you, the good and bad, had somehow become woven into his being. He could sooner get rid of how he felt about you than get rid of himself.

He told himself he wouldn’t do it, but he’s been repeatedly checking your Instagram page, heart thudding each time as he anticipates seeing the pictures of the two of you together deleted -- or worse, seeing you with another guy’s arm wrapped around you. So far, though, there’s been nothing except a video post of your dog, Balto, howling and grinning at your TV screen when Ghost appears on the latest Game of Thrones. It just makes his heart ache more, that he chose to remove himself from these small, wonderful little moments in your life, and for what? 

He keeps staring at your number, his thumb hovering above the screen before he chucks the phone to the side, rubbing his eyes as he once again chickens out of contacting you. 

He reaches the breaking point when he starts reading back through old texts from around the time when you two first started dating. 

“I know we just said bye five minutes ago but I just wanted to say how happy I am that I met you. And you are definitely cuter than I am. That is all! Night, Buck.” And now the same blushing smile emoji that had him grinning from ear to ear makes his heart twinge.

“What the fuck did you do, Barnes?” he asks himself, letting the phone drop to his forehead with a dull thunk. 

He knows he wants—needs—you back, but he doesn’t know where to even begin. 

He sighs, grimacing as he rolls himself out of bed and trudges out toward the living room. There’s only one thing to do.

Bucky can already hear Sam’s voice emanating down the hall as he approaches:

“You call THAT avant garde?! That silhouette is as bland as toast. TOAST, Nina!”

Bucky sits himself down in the ottoman in the corner, careful not to walk in front of Sam — he thought he’d never hear the end of it when he accidentally blocked the screen during the last Grey’s Anatomy season finale.

“Project Runway again?” he asks, shaking his head.

“Hey, don’t you be getting all judgey now.” Sam smirks at Bucky, taking in his disheveled state. “You need to be jotting down notes, Kurt Cobain, wearing the same grungey-ass flannel three days in a row.”

Bucky shrugs.

“Not like I have anyone to impress.”

“You had someone to impress, but remember, you broke up with her, you cowardly fucking jackass.”

Bucky clenches his teeth as his scathing tone rattles in his head. He tries his best to ignore it and sound nonchalant as he swallows his pride to do something that normally sets his skin on edge: reach out to another person.

“Anyways, you busy?”

“Nah, I’ve had enough disappointment for today.” Sam grabs the remote, shutting off the screen and shifting to look at Bucky. “What’s up?”

Bucky exhales deeply, and he can practically feel the apprehension settling on his face, his habitual reluctance to open up kicking in.

“Um …” 

He bites the corner of his lip, trying to think over his words when his gut just wants him to yell, “I FUCKED UP please tell me how to get Y/N back.”

He’s spared having to, though, as Sam cuts through the silence:

“You want to get back together with Y/N, don’t you?”

Bucky stares at him.

“Is my misery that obvious?”

“Painfully.”

Despite his deadpan tone, the corner of Sam’s mouth twitches, and the two find themselves chuckling together. While he’ll never admit it to him, this is why Bucky views him as his best friend, why he trusts him -- he always knows how to make him laugh when he needs it. He knows Sam has his back.

Bucky shakes his head, running a hand through his hair.

“So, what do I do?”

“Before I can try to answer that, you need to tell me why you broke up with her in the first place.”

Thought I’d burn the seams if they frayed

Thought I’d prove the point that I made

“I thought if I ended things, I’d be able to stop caring and feeling so vulnerable, I guess. That it’d be better for her, because she deserved better anyways, and maybe it’d be better for me … I don’t think I really believed that, deep down, but … I was scared. Scared of getting hurt, not being enough.” 

Bucky pauses and sighs, staring at the ground as he wrings his hands, running his flesh thumb back and forth over the smooth metal.

His voice is quiet, apprehensive.

“I was scared of how I felt about her.” 

Bucky glances up after a few moments of silence and is met with Sam looking at him more seriously than he can ever remember.

“Do you love her?”

Normally Bucky would flinch at such a direct question, but now, finally facing the consequences of keeping himself so guarded, he hesitates only for a fraction of a second before he nods, and it feels like a weight has left his chest in acknowledging how he feels.

He loves you. And he doesn’t have to run from that.

Sam nods back in response, running his hand along the dark stubble on his face as he begins in earnest.

“Look … you have a lot of regret in your life, right? I know it’s over things you didn’t choose, but now, you can choose. So what’s your choice gonna be? The way I see it, A) You can keep doing what you’re doing and let fear run you into the ground, or, B) you can tell that fear to go to hell, reach out to Y/N, buy her the nicest apology flowers you can, and tell her everything you just told me.”

“And if she tells me to go to hell?”

Sam sighs.

“I mean, she’s probably going to be pretty pissed at you —and rightfully so— but,” he pauses, his tone lightening, “God knows why, she seemed to really be into you. And nobody gets over a breakup that fast unless the relationship was already dead for awhile. You guys looked like you were solid until -”

“I blew everything to pieces, yeah.” 

Bucky sits quietly for a few seconds, pausing to sit and feel the knowing. The alignment in both his heart and mind, what he wants moving forward.

“I think choice B is the clear winner, here.” 

Sam waves his fist back and forth.

“Ding ding ding!”

Bucky nods.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, his voice earnest as his eyes lock on Sam’s.

Sam’s returning smile is full of encouragement.

“Hey man, I got you. And I know this ain’t easy for you, opening up about stuff. Just know there’s always a seat at the VA group just waiting for your supersoldier ass to sit down, if you ever want to talk more.” 

 “Nah I’m-” Bucky physically stops himself from finishing his default “nah, I’m good for now, but thanks” response, because if he’s realized anything throughout this entire ordeal, it’s that he is most definitely not “good,” or at least not doing as good as he’d like to be.

“Yeah, ok, I’ll do it.”

“For real?”

Bucky exhales deeply, his sadness hanging on every syllable.

“With all this … I don’t know, maybe I wouldn’t have acted the way I did with Y/N if I had started dealing with this sooner, getting more okay with talking and being honest with people,” he muses. “Like you said, if I really do want a normal life, I kinda need to find a better way to handle what’s going on in here,” he taps his temple and then his chest, “than just shutting people out.”

Incredulity is all over Sam’s face, coupled that something Bucky could swear looks like a glimmer of pride. 

“Wow, yeah, that’s great, that’s the kind of perspective that’ll help you move forward.” He grins. “You sure you’re feeling ok? This isn’t some fever-induced thing, right?” 

Bucky flips him off while Sam chuckles.

“Hilarious.”

“You know I’m playin.’” Sam nods vigorously. “Seriously, it’ll be good for you. Anyways, though, back to choice B.”

Bucky feels the rise and fall of his chest pick up in nervous anticipation, but he slides the phone out from the pocket of his jeans anyways, thumbs tapping away on its surface. 

“Hey. Can we meet up?” 

Before he can second guess himself, he hits send, promptly hurling the phone onto the opposite corner of the couch where Sam is perched.

“Watch it!”

“You tell me what she says back. I don’t wanna see it first.”

However long you’re gone, I will wait, I will wait.

And then an agonizing, crawling two hours pass, with Bucky finding himself unable to focus on the National Geographic moon landing documentary that would normally absorb him entirely, his eyes constantly straying from the screen to the phone sitting silently in the corner. You never took this long to answer a text when you were dating, so he knows you’re ignoring him.

“Maybe she blocked you and didn’t even see it.”

He’s just about to ask Sam for the phone back to message you on Instagram, past the point of caring how desperate he looks because it’s the truth, when it pings.

Sam snaps out from his half-napping state at the sound, stretching across the couch and grabbing the phone. He pulls a face and Bucky’s heart sinks -- Sam might as well have said “yikes” out loud.

“What’d she say?”

Sam looks at him with the tiniest bit of pity, tossing the phone back.

“Why.”

“Why? That’s it?” Bucky looks down at the screen in disbelief, and there it is, the one-word response.

“Yup.”

Bucky buries his head in the throw pillow closest to him, muffling his yell. 

“What do I even say to that?! She’s pissed off, and I don’t wanna do this over text.”

“You don’t have to do it all over text, but you gotta give her something. The last thing you said to her was that you wanted to break up, and now you want to see her. I’m guessing she doesn’t want to assume you want to get back together, but if you do, she wants you to know she’s still upset.” Sam shrugs. “You messed up, now you gotta work for it.”

Bucky takes the pillow off his face, grimacing.

“Goddammit.”

He takes a minute to craft his reply, staring down at the screen.

“Because you were right about everything. I never should have ended us, I’m an idiot and miss you like hell. I just want to talk.” He hits send and turns the phone over, heart thumping inside his chest.

Ten minutes pass before you answer:

“I’ll be home until 7, I have plans after.”

Bucky’s stomach drops as his brain conjures images of you dressed up but not for him, for some other guy, his metal hand clenching involuntarily.

“You don’t know that you don’t know that, c’mon. It’s only been six days.”

He replies immediately:

“Can I come see you at 5?”

“Ok.”

Even with the realization that it’s already 4:10 and he’s gonna have to haul ass to Adams Morgan while still finding the time to get you the nicest flowers he can, Bucky already feels lighter with hope. You agreed to see him. You’re giving him at least a fraction of a chance to put things back together. 

He flies up off the couch and takes off down the hall.

“I’m meeting her at her place at 5!”

Sam calls out to his retreating back, and Bucky allows himself a small smile.

“Hey, go get her. But you go shower first!”

[kiss-my-freckle]

Something new. It’ll be easier, but a lot longer, and end up random as fuck. 

Episode 7x9

Orion Relocation Services. They kill the innocent to service the criminal. Liz in her Ruin deleted scene. “I don’t have a home without you.” The “Sold” sign in front of the house reminds me of Takoma Park. Taking photographs for that new wall space. The photo Liz has of Katarina with her face blown out. Husband is supposed to be retiring. Same with Fakerina. She was out of the game. They pulled her in just to set her up. Orion clients hardly knew the neighbors. Like Liz with Fakerina across the hall. “As we say at Orion, Good Luck. Wherever fate takes you.” Again, bringing fate into it. Arrows and angels. The hunter. Silver linings. Stark’s treatment didn’t work for a reason. They didn’t get that lead from Aram for a reason. Fate at work. Pharma-Karma’s a bitch. A saran wrap smothering that reminds me of Liz in 5x8. And her dialogue at the end of 6x22. “Like I can feel every breath. I’m not used to that.”

Liz calling Agnes “Munchkin.” The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Transitional object is usually a physical object which takes the place of the mother-child bond. I’m bringing this up because it makes me think of Liz’s fulcrum bunny. Agnes won’t go anywhere without that bugged up Barbie. One of two things is gonna happen. Either Fakerina will use it to track Liz and Agnes, or Red and Liz will use it to trap Fakerina. That’s my prediction for the Barbie. I still have Agnes’ pink glitter shoes in mind. I also believe Red’s “Never underestimate the power of glitter” dialogue will come in when this happens. Whatever way they play it. Especially when they continue to make mention to “underestimating” Fakerina. Berdy is upset about the Barbie. Without those ears on Liz, they depend on getting intel from Ilya, and they’re no longer one step ahead of Red. Berdy refers to Liz as  “the daughter.” Quack doctor speaking of two women: “Your friend” and “Katarina Rostova.” One is looking for the other. 

Red speaks to Liz as if he suspects she’s assisting Fakerina. There’s only one way she’d know about Steinhil. Liz was on the phone with Red at the time she gave him this intel. Unless Red or Liz contacted the team, no one would know but Liz and Red. Process of elimination, but it appears Red is now dumb. He states Ilya is like a brother to him. Sounds like something Katarina would say about her childhood friend. Red shows concern for Liz, but I don’t understand how he can rely on protective service when they have no idea what the woman looks like. Another mention to ghost stories. Assassins, traitors. Sounds like Rederina. A traitor to Russia and the US. Definitely a killer. 86 bodies, not including the ones overseas. Criminals hiding in plain sight. Just like Rederina. Murder becomes central to the exchange of identities. For Orion, they kill the innocent, criminals then take their identities. Rederina falls in parallel. Real Red was already dead. She took his identity. For Fakerina, she fell in parallel with the innnocent to protect the criminal Katarina was. Red wasn’t involved. Confirmed through Dom and Ilya conversation. The harder Ilya fights, he surrenders. He surrenders quite a bit, which tells me he’s fighting like hell not to tell. This feels much like Orchard and the Braxton recall. The real Rostova wouldn’t need these memories, she would remember them herself. Confirmation Katarina is an imposter. 

“Fellas, gals, non-binary pals ....” A Rederina bit. So obvious. Rostova dinner in the dark. Graffiti on the walls. One bit says “Tom-Tom.” I’ll go back at some point, slow it down to see if I can read more. “In food, our eyes betray us. With visual cues. With predisposed expectations ...”  Past experiences. Memory isn’t like a video recorder. Predisposed to assume every male you see was born male. Liz dining with Red in the dark is perfect. Dining without prejudice. Dining on pure flavor. Basically, Liz would be tasting Red’s soul so long as she didn’t hear his manly voice. If only her eyes and ears didn’t deceive her. Katarina Rostova was never seen or heard from again. Raymond Reddington was. Liz’s mother spent half her life in the dark. Liz profiled her mother’s ghost in The Freelancer. They show this through the end of Ruin. Dinner in the dark, quite perfect for mother-daughter Rostova. “Plus one” speaks to parent and child in parent-child stories. Like this one. 

“Her father helped get us out of Russia, but it wasn’t enough. She needed to disappear. Needed a plan.” Ilya’s dialogue coincides with Dom’s story. He got rid of the bodies and got into America. But for Katarina, it wasn’t so easy. Fakerina demanding to know about “that” plan because she knows nothing about it. She wasn’t there. She didn’t even know Red is an imposter. That’s why she asked Ilya “how?” More proof she’s an imposter. Fakerina speaks as if she’s the real Katarina. In doing so, she basically deceives Ilya into revealing more. She wants to know who this plan involved. Again, she would know if she were the real Katarina, and believe when I say she didn’t have her memory manipulated. The straws people will grasp because they refuse to accept the truth. That’s why they immediately throw Katarina into the belief that another man became Raymond. She has absolutely no idea that Ilya already answered her question - in full. Only three were involved: Ilya, Katarina, and Dr. Koehler. Katarina arranged the surgery because she’s the one who got the surgery. Koehler is dead and Frank Bloom is Ilya. There’s no remembering the man who impersonated Reddington because no man did. A woman did. Fakerina acting as the real deal no longer has a hold on Ilya. Quack doctor states Ilya has a different memory because they reached an answer he shouldn’t reveal. He basically shifted to Belgrade and refused to answer her question. She pushes anyway, hoping to get Red’s real identity. Real Katarina would know his identity already. She arranged the surgery. More proof she’s an imposter. They basically pull the same with Ilya as they did with Liz in Braxton’s recall. Quack doctor wants to pull him out because of his physical symptoms.  

Back to dinner in the dark. Blakiston's fish owl. They prey on fish. 

"Owls live within the darkness, which includes magic, mystery, and ancient knowledge. Related to the night is the moon, which owls are also connected to. It becomes a symbol of the feminine and fertility, with the moon's cycles of renewal. Even the mythology relates owl to this wisdom and femininity.”

“Owls have great wisdom and insight, and can see beyond the illusions in life. They encourage you to look at all situations with a keen eye, and not to take everything as it appears. ... The owl spirit animal usually symbolizes death, but it can also mean a great change will come into your life.”

Katarina Rostova is an illusion. A figment of the collective imagination. 

I’m not sure if I heard this correctly, but I think he mentioned the all-seeing eye. OMG, I love Red’s love for animals. I find it interesting how Red mentions Liz’s loss of Tom. Looking forward, not back. Reminds me of their Caretaker scene, 3x16. Again, Red makes me question if he suspects Liz working with Fakerina. Reminding us that all this suitcase shit started with Tom Keen. "Unfortunately, the last person I would want to find Ilya is the person I need help from to find him." Basically, Red doesn’t want Liz to find Ilya. But he needs her help to find him. If Fakerina drives any wedge between Red and Liz, it won’t be her playing the mother card. It’ll be Liz learning Red isn’t Ilya Koslov. Red questions Liz about Morozov. Only two reasons she’d know that name. Either she was threatened, or she’s working with Fakerina. 

Dom said the Reddington ruse didn't work, it only angered those who already want Katarina dead. Ilya responded that she is dead. Because she is. She died when she became Raymond. Dom stated, “Nonsense.” Because she’s not dead to the Directive. They basically want a body. Neville Townsend is at the top of a very long list of people who want her dead. Likely why they call it the Townsend Directive. Perhaps that very long list coincides with the blacklist. Her enemies taken down number by number. A theory George on fb has on the blacklist itself. Anyway, Neville likely runs the bounty. That's why I believe he'll hit #1 or #2 on the blacklist. Red is the real Rostova, he’ll wannna shut it down. Dom is worried they'll find Masha. this coincides with Katarina’s dialogues in Cape May. So long as she drew breath, her daughter would be hunted and killed. One of the many contradictions in this woman’s character. For Dom, this was definitely all about Masha. Ilya tells Dom they should tell Raymond. Dom states, "We are not telling HIM anything." Ilya then replies, "I know how you feel, but Reddington deserves to know what we have done." 

"I know how you feel..." Excommunication right there. 

Why .. why does Reddington deserve to know Because he is a part of this You are protecting him I made a promise

He pledged his life and a promise is a promise. But he didn’t wanna betray this woman. He cared about her, just not as much as he cared about Rostova. His tears are proof. I think he and Fakerina may have had a past relationship. It comes off that way. Fakerina refers to him as “love.” 

"And don't worry, she'll be safe with me. I'm a lot tougher than I look." Agnes is definitely in danger. Dom saying they were supposed to confirm Katarina died when they only confirmed she's very much alive. The entire point of informing Raymond. He's the real Rostova and they just made it worse for his daughter. Exacerbated his need to build a criminal empire to keep her safe. They'll be hunting her down, hoping to use her as leverage. Fakerina interrogates Ilya to the point of seizure. She wants Red’s identity. Ilya can’t give it, Red is the real Rostova. Quack doctor pulls him out of the extraction. Same basic thing Orchard said to Braxton. You can't get the truth if he's dead.

Back to the Orion agent. She tells her client she has a good feeling about this next chapter for her. The client responds, it can't get any worse. Same concept Red said to Patrick. It can get worse. And it will for Liz. Woman tries to escape her pos man. Kate telling Liz to walk away before it’s too late. The client speaks of having nothing but painful memories. Exactly what Liz is going to have. Back to Liz's deleted scene in Ruin. "I don't have a home without you." Her home will be filled with nothing but painful memories because of her love for Tom Keen. Back to my earlier statement, about the way Orion kills. It can't get any worse. Saran wrap suffocating the woman as Liz was suffocated in 5x8. Garvey's men and the carpet, now men with carpet preparing to roll up a body for Orion. What does the agent say next? "You want something done right, you gotta do it yourself." Back to Brimley. Like being impaled by a unicorn. I believe Agnes is next to get the blade. The saran wrap, the knife. Add in the guns. Basic 5x8 repeat, only it’s Agnes. 

Liz, oh Liz. With her gun on Fakerina. The entire point. She has to choose what her mother chose 30 years ago. To choose Raymond and kill off Katarina. In doing so, she’ll truly come face-to-face with losing Raymond. Because he’s her mother. I just hope Liz chooses wisely. So here’s the thing. Fakerina is now in the same position as Garvey was. She has enough intel to destroy Raymond in learning he’s an imposter, but her life depends on ending the Directive. She has Townsend’s first name, so it’s all about getting to him. Getting to him will lead to uncover every player. This cannot happen. If Fakerina gets what she needs, Red will die because he’s the real Rostova. Red speaks of hope, which has me a bit worried. That’s exactly what he spoke about when Liz betrayed him in S6. He let his hopes convince him. Shit is definitely gonna drop. Soon. Let’s hope Liz has the patience to get those answers from Red. If not, she’s going to use Fakerina to get them. And if she does, Fakerina will likely get what she needs. If that happens, I believe the Townsend Directive will be the final big bad, and it will kill Red. Given what Fakerina has already done, Liz could choose either way. 

Like I said, random and long. But I didn’t wanna forget anything. 

[hismissharley13]

Diary of Lady Reapers ~ Arrangements

The throb of the engines warmed my soul and made my skin tingle with anticipation.  Clay and Tig had been gone for too long, doing charter rounds.  The Dynas I had been waiting for coursed into the lot, the familiar figures of Tig and Clay lifted my heart.  I practically skipped over to them both, kissing Tig hello briefly before turning to the grinning president,

“Hey baby,” he purred as I sidled up to him.  His gravelly tones caressed my ears as I snaked my arms around his shoulders, breathing in his scent for a moment.  I pulled back and kissed him hard before turning on my heel to get Brittany.

“Baby, they’re here,” I called to her round the door of the club.  Like so much of a whirlwind, Brittany was out of the door and halfway over to the returning brothers before I could stop chuckling.

I took my time wandering back over, giving Brittany space to say her hellos.  As I strolled across the asphalt, I looked up to see a beat up looking Dodge Neon roll through the gates.  The girl in the driver’s seat looked like so many other sweetbutts that hung around the club, but I was sure I hadn’t seen her before.

I was just in earshot to hear Tig’s exclamation as he caught sight of the car,

“Oh you gotta be kidding me!”

Brittany was sat astride Tig, her back to the garage and so didn’t immediately understand his outburst.

The girl unfolded herself from her car, leaving the driver’s door open as she sauntered over to Clay and perched herself on the tank of his bike.  I clenched my fists at her brazen behaviour and took a step forward.

“Oh damn, here’s me thinking that your bitches would be better trained than to see to the Arms before the President of the club.  How’s about I show them the ropes for you, handsome?  I could whip these girls into shape for you, if you like?”

Wow.  She reminded me so much of Ima I almost laughed.  So full of herself.

“Look, like I told you back at Phoenix, I’m happy with my situation and I have no need for outside pussy at my club,”

The out-of-towner flicked her curled hair with fuchsia-tipped fingers and slid off Clay’s bike.  One look at Brittany’s expression told me that someone was about to lose an arm if she got any closer.

“Maybe you’ll feel a little different after you see me in action, boss-man,” she wagered, fluttering her eyelashes as she turned towards Chibs.  He had come over no doubt to attend to the customer,

“Jesus Christ!” he spluttered as she palmed his cock, jumping back from the unexpected contact.  She smirked,

“Ooh a foreigner!  Relax sugar, I know how to make a guy feel good,”

Brittany climbed off Tig’s lap and jutted her hip,

“Get your hands off, he’s off limits,” she warned.

I put a hand on Clay’s shoulder as the tension churned the air like a stormcloud,

“Who’s the tramp?” I asked, a disgusted sneer on my face.  Clay grabbed my hand as she turned to see who was speaking,

“Tramp? Oh honey, I’m just here to show you all how to look after these fine specimens.  It’s pretty clear you don’t seem to have a clue,”

Before I could take a breath to respond, Brittany had launched herself at the newcomer,

“The fuck you think you are huh?  Coming over here, pushing up on our guys?”

Tig grabs hold of Brittany, shushing her and attempting to calm her.

“My name is Janet,” she retorted, a saccharine smile on her face as she tossed her hair back delicately.  She dragged her gaze over Tig’s body unashamedly, stepping forward and trailing a hand across the patch on his chest, “how about I show you what good pussy can do for you sweetheart?”

Tig raised an eyebrow, incredulous at her attitude. Brittany snorted and Janet patted her on the cheek,

“Aw don't take it so personal sugar, it's natural to need a queen to show you how it's done,”

Brittany's scowl darkened and she clenched her jaw

“Don’t fucking touch me,”

“Janet, was it?” I asked with a jerk of my head.  She nodded curtly, “Well Janet, I suggest you get back in your car and drive back to wherever-in-the-ass-of-nowhere you came from. We don't need your type here, ta-ta,”

“Easy, Kitten,”

Clay squeezed my hand in warning at my clipped tone, no doubt keeping a tight hold on me to stop things turning physical.

Not that I was the one he needed to worry about.  Brittany was all over that the moment Janet made the decision to rub up against Tig.

We all stood incredulous as Brittany, usually so sweet, tore Janet away from Tig and went postal. The sound of a siren as Juice rode into T. M. was cue for me to pull Brittany off the girl in a heap on the floor.  I practically threw her at Tig,

“Go clean her up,” I instructed, kneeling over Janet and grabbing her roughly, “time for you to move your ass out of Charming and far away from any charter of the Sons of Anarchy you see. You are not welcome with the Reaper Crew and if I see you again, you won't have another warning,”

I was unceremoniously dragged over to a familiar sand coloured bonnet and bent forward against it as my wrists were cuffed behind my back

“Oh officer, in front of all these people? How’d you know I like it rough?” I wiggled my ass suggestively before I was hauled upright again and turned, smirking, to see one David Hale of Charming PD.

“Cut the crap, Kat. You're under arrest for assault,”

“Oh but that wasn't me,” I admitted innocently, a mischievous curl to my lips,

“Is that so? Who was it then?”

“You’d never believe me if I told you anyway so we'll just say she tripped,”

“I haven't got time for your games, Kat.  I saw you. Get in the car.  We’ll sort this out at the station.”

“Ha, you saw me telling her to leave.  But if you want me in a cage, Davey-baby all you had to do was ask!”

Brittany came running back out of the clubhouse, mercifully cleaned up,

“Kat! What the hell?”

I took a step towards her before Hale grabbed my arm,

“It's OK baby, gonna need you clean to get me out,” I muttered with a meaningful look at Hale. She smirked and nodded as I was bundled into the police Jeep.  Hale got in the driver’s seat without another word and cruised out of the lot.

Tig turned to Juice, shaking his head as he glared,

“You just HAD to bring the cops.  Go wipe the cameras, don't need any evidence surfacing. Make me a copy before you delete it though,” his fingers danced at his crotch briefly as Brittany looked up questioningly, “it was damn hot, I'm totally erect right now,” he explained with a shrug as she let out a peal of laughter.

The door of the cell clanged shut and I turned with a smirk,

“What now, Deputy? You want me to dance for you?” I reached out a hand to touch his face and he batted me away with a scowl.

“You’d do well to keep your smart mouth shut, Kat.  If I didn’t know better I’d say you liked being in there,”

“Why don’t you come in and find out?  You’re the one seems to have a hard-on for me in cuffs,”

“Don’t make this any worse for yourself,” he chastised as he drew the outer gate shut.

I let out a sigh when I heard his footsteps retreat down the hall and flopped onto the hard bed.  I figured I might as well make myself comfortable while I wasn’t going anywhere fast

.

Brittany walked into the station house with a delicate smile on her face.  She greeted the receptionist sweetly before her eyes zeroed in on Chief Unser.  She made a beeline for him, charm dialled off the charts,

“Hey, Brittany! What brings you here darlin’?”

“Hi Chief, I was just wondering if it would be ok for me to have a word with Deputy Chief Hale?  That’s if it’s not too much trouble?”

“When you ask so sweetly?  How can I refuse,” he smiles at her kindly, showing her into Hale’s office, “got a visitor, son.  I’ll leave you to it.”

Brittany beamed at him as he closed the door behind him, before turning her mega-watt smile to Hale.  He was busy filling paperwork in and didn’t initially look up from his desk as he addressed her,

“So what can Charming P.D. do for you today?” his tone was clipped, businesslike.  When Brittany placed a hand down on his desk, he looked up, instantly softening.

“Well, David.  You got a friend of mine in your cells and I was hoping that we could clear up this little...misunderstanding,” she said, her tone sultry.

David coughed and shifted a little in his seat,

“Well, much as I would love to, I cannot release a potentially violent criminal back on to the streets just like that,” he explained, leaning forward to cover Brittany’s hand with his own,

“Surely you’re not talking about Kat?”

“She assaulted a woman in front of me, I can’t ignore that,”

Brittany grinned as she leaned over his desk, giving him a perfect view of her breasts,

“Maybe we can come to a little arrangement, whereby I do something for you,” she ran her fingers up his forearm, “and you make this horrible mess...disappear?” she lifted the arrest form up and scanned it, placing it into the trashcan as she rounded his desk.

David sat back with a smirk as Brittany leaned against his desk.  He dragged his gaze up the length of her body to her face, doe eyes looking down at him and her lip trapped between her teeth.  He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat again as she moved closer.  He could smell her perfume as she slid a hand up his leg,

“What if I was to sit just...here…” she squeezes his thigh, “and tell you what really happened, huh?  Would that help the situation?”

“It would be a start,” he admitted, his voice low and husky.

Brittany sat down in his lap, enjoying how his hand automatically stroked the curve of her ass.  She toyed with his tie, looking at him through her lashes,

“Well, you see, it was like this...”

Brittany started to recount the events from Janet’s arrival, all the while teasing the buttons on David’s shirt open.  He shivered at her delicate touch, making her smirk.

“..so, she insulted Kat and I, quite uncalled for…”

Brittany rubbed a hand over David’s hardening cock, feeling the strain of his trousers.  She unbuckled his belt and pulled down the zipper slowly.

Brittany slid off David’s lap to her knees as she eased his cock out of his trousers.  Looking up at him as she licked her lips, her fingers wrapped around his shaft, she confessed lightly,

“So I beat her, it was me,”

Before he could answer, she wrapped her lips around him.  The sensation had him reeling as she licked and sucked,

“Brittany, I, oh fuck, I’m…” his whisper was hoarse as he tried to tell her he was close.

She continued with fervour, deep throating him as he reached the edge.  Her fingers found his balls and tipped him over as he came hard.

Brittany sucked him clean and climbed back up to rest against the desk as David struggled to compose himself.  She delicately wiped the corners of her mouth and kissed him hard, before returning to her chair on the opposite side of the desk.

“Now, about our arrangement,” she prompted businesslike, having given David a chance to put himself back together.

“I suppose, I er, due to the lack of evidence or complainant, I no longer have a reason to hold Kat.  It was a nice story, Brittany, and I applaud your inventiveness, but we both know Kat has form for this.  I’ll release her on caution, I hope you’ll be able to guide her more towards your form of actions in future,”

Brittany smirked and nodded.

“If you’d like to wait in here, I’ll go get her now,” he sighed, defeated.

I stayed perfectly still as the outer gate rattled open, on my back on the bed with my legs crossed and bent at the knee.  It wasn’t until I heard the keys against the lock of my cell that I let my legs shift to one side to see what was going on.

“Hands, Kat,” he barked

“Two of ‘em, thanks David,”

“It’s Deputy Chief Hale to you,” his clipped tone still amused me.  I kinda hoped my bail wasn’t too high...I’d pay Brittany every cent back, but still.

I took my time to get off the bed, swinging my legs in an arc until my boots hit the floor.  With a huff, I stood up and put my hands out,

“Go easy, tiger,” I purred with a raised eyebrow.  He looked at me with the straightest face I’d ever seen and ratcheted the cuffs tightly around my wrists.  I frowned a little but complied.  I knew this routine well now.  I’d get marched through the PD and up to the front desk in the cuffs, then I’d have to sign my bail papers and only after that was done, I’d be cautioned and let go.

I was, however, steered not to the front desk, but into Hale’s office.  He took the cuffs off and I looked at Brittany with raised brows,

“Well, this is a new process,”

“We came to an agreement that maybe the arrest was a little hasty, didn’t we, Deputy Chief,”

Ok, I did NOT need to know what arrangement that was.  Damn, I knew she had the hots for him but...wow...the girl did good.

“Indeed,” he replied awkwardly,

“Maybe we can have another talk, sometime,” her voice was full of promise as I massaged my wrists.  I so did not want to be here for this.

“Ok, sorry to cut the...uh...this...short, whatever it is, but I’d really like to get back, if that’s ok?” I looked between the pair giving eachother doe-eyes.

Brittany tore her eyes away from him with an apologetic smile,

“Come on, let’s get you back, anyhow,”

We walked out of the station-house and climbed into Brittany’s Impala.  I looked at her from the passenger seat,

“Do I even ask?”

Brittany just shrugged and smirked at me as she started the engine.  I chuckled and shook my head,

“Forget it, I don’t wanna know,”

-

@soawonder

@hanaissupergirl

@cole-winchester

@samcroslut

[clexa--warrior]

I can’t tell you about a specific day as a cable tech. I can’t tell you my first customer was a cat hoarder. I can tell you the details, sure. That I smeared Vicks on my lip to try to cover the stench of rugs and walls and upholstery soaked in cat piss. That I wore booties, not to protect the carpets from the mud on my boots but to keep the cat piss off my soles. I can tell you the problem with her cable service was that her cats chewed through the wiring. That I had to move a mummified cat behind the television to replace the jumper. That ammonia seeped into the polyester fibers of my itchy blue uniform, clung to the sweat in my hair. That the smell stuck to me through the next job.

But what was the next job? This is the stuff I can’t remember — how a particular day unfolded. Maybe the next job was the Great Falls, Virginia, housewife who answered the door in some black skimpy thing I never really saw because I work very hard at eye contact when faced with out-of-context nudity. She was expecting a man. I’m a 6-foot lesbian. If I showed up at your door in a uniform with my hair cut in what’s known to barbers as the International Lesbian Option No. 2, you might mistake me for a man. Everyone does. She was rare in that she realized I’m a woman. We laughed about it. She found a robe while I replaced her cable box. She asked if I needed to use a bathroom, and I loved her.

For 10 years, I worked as a cable tech in the Virginia suburbs of Washington, D.C. Those 10 years, the apartments, the McMansions, the customers, the bugs and snakes, the telephone poles, the traffic, the cold and heat and rain, have blurred together in my mind. Even then, I wouldn’t remember a job from the day before unless there was something remarkable about it. Remarkable is subjective and changes with every day spent witnessing what people who work in offices will never see — their co-workers at home during the weekday, the American id in its underpants, wondering if it remembered to delete the browsing history.

Mostly all I remember is needing to pee.

And I remember those little glimpses of the grotesque. I’ll get to Dick Cheney later. The one that comes to mind now is the anti-gay lobbyist whose office was lined with framed appreciation from Focus on the Family, and pictures with Pat Buchanan and Jerry Falwell, but whose son’s room was painted pink and littered with Barbies. The hypocrite’s son said he was still a boy. He just thought his sundress was really cute. I agreed, told him I love daisies, and he beamed. His father thanked me, and I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. How the fuck do you actively work to ensure the world’s a more dangerous place for your beautiful little kid? But I didn’t ask him that. I just stood and glared at him until he looked away. I needed the job. I assumed his kid would grow up to hate him.

Maybe the next job that day was the guy whose work order said “irate.” It’s not something you want to see on a work order. Not when you’re running late and you still have to pee, because “irate” meant that the next job wasn’t going to be a woman in lingerie; it was going to be a guy who pulled out his penis while I fixed the settings on his television.

I know after that one, I pulled off the side of the road when I saw a horse. Only upside of Great Falls. Not too long ago, Great Falls was mostly small farms and large estates. The McMansions outnumber the farms now. But there are still a few holdouts. I called the horse over to the fence, and he nuzzled my hair. I fed him my apple. Talking to a horse helps when you can’t remember how to breathe.

Maybe that “irate” was an “irate fn ch72 out.” Fox News. Those we dreaded. It was worse when the comment was followed by “repeat call.” Repeat meant someone had been there before. If it was someone I could call and ask, he’d tell me: “Be careful. Asshole kept calling me ‘boy.’ Rather he just up and call me a [that word]. Yeah, of course I told them. Forwarding you the emails right now. Hang on, I have to merge. Anyway, it’s his TV. Dumbass put a plasma above his fireplace. Charge the piece of shit ’cause I warned him. Have fun.”

I’d walk in prepared for anything. There was sobbing, man or woman, didn’t matter. There were the verbal assaults. There were physical threats. To say they were just threats undermines what it feels like to be in someone else’s home, not knowing the territory, where that hallway leads, what’s behind that door, if they have a gun, if they’ll back you into a wall and scream at you. If they’ll stop there. If they’ll call in a complaint no matter what you do. Sure, we were allowed to leave if we felt threatened. We just weren’t always sure we could. In any case, even if we canceled, someone else would always be sent to the same house later. “Irate. Repeat call.” And we’d lose the points we needed to make our numbers.

The points: Every job’s assigned a number of points — 10 points for a “my cable’s out” call, four points to disconnect a line, 12 to install internet. We needed about 120 points a day to make our monthly quota.

A cut cable line was worth 10 points, whether we tried to fix it or not. We could try to splice it if we found the cut. Or we could maybe run a temp line. But you can’t run one across a neighbor’s lawn or across a sidewalk or street. That’s what happened with the guy who was adding a swimming pool. The diggers had cut his line. I knew before I walked in. But he still wanted me to come stare at the blank cable box while we talked. I did because the Fox News cult loves to call in complaints about their rude techs.

*much more at the link

[ongnable]

last love w/ daniel

for: @fluffykth, the loveliest - dian. i hope everything that causes you unhappiness disappears; and that only good, better things lay ahead in your future because you deserve nothing but the best a/n: part 1 here. set around a month post-break up, angst (with happy end)

{part 2 of 2}

“thank-you for coming to join us tonight on the late night radio show despite your busy schedule, kang daniel-sshi. we’re now moving on to our final segment – ‘words i could never say’. would you like to read out the first letter we received tonight, daniel-sshi?”

“of course,” daniel loosened one ear out of the headphones while reaching for the paper from the host, eyes glazing as he scanned the black ink, clearing his throat

“i thought everything was finally going right. i had everything i wanted. i was where i wanted to be. and then one day my reason for wanting everything - my motivation to keep me going had left.” his voice shook slightly, prompting the host to speak

gentle tones whispered into the mic; “left? why did they leave?”

“she walked away from me. she left me behind because i didn’t - couldn’t - appreciate her. we were no longer the same people we once were.” 

daniel paused. wondering if he could divert from the original wording

how was it so accurate?

“we weren’t what each other needed”

picking up the phone, daniel dialled jisung’s number to tell him that recording had finished; waiting for the eldest member to pick up

a smile, wry and bitter, lingered on his lips

maybe it was true, he’s changed.

daniel had thought that if you ever left him, he’d never be able to pick himself up and move on

but in truth, his schedule kept him preoccupied, physical exertion keeping you out of his mind as he collapsed at the end of each day

the dull ache from the day you left is so constant; a weight over his heart, pressed tightly, deep into his chest

and yet - all daniel felt was empty

empty like the flat you lived in

he’d known about you moving out the day after your break up

everything was still in place; 

ceramic mugs with last christmas’s photos printed over them, a pair of fluffy couple slippers the two of you always kicked under the dining table, the coat you wore on your last date thrown lazily on top of a chair; 

your clothes, your makeup, your perfumes, you’d even left your toothbrush and toothpaste behind - opting to simply buy another toothbrush

you didn’t need your own toothpaste back at your parent’s either

and you didn’t want them questioning why you were taking stuff back to theirs

after all, daniel had keys to the flat that your parents had brought you when you moved to seoul with him after months of convincing your parents that nothing would ever come between you two

and you didn’t know what to tell your parents

so you’d only taken your chargers and a few essentials

acting as if everything was okay, and that you simply missed them; pretending to be excited when they mentioned your ‘successful boyfriend’

just as you had done before when you were still together

that day, daniel had tidied the living room quietly, as if creating sound would disturb the state of the flat;

putting the mugs left on the dining table back in their cupboards, setting the slippers by the door, hanging your coat back in the closet

everything was in place.

but you.

somehow, the fact that he was still functioning fine without you made him angry

angry that you were right

that the two of you had changed

he wanted himself to break down, to stop being the bright kang daniel bursting with those so called puppy-like charms on screen, the charismatic kang daniel on stage

he just wanted to be your’s again, just wanted to hear your voice

(niel-ah niel-ah niel-ah)

daniel wanted to prove you wrong - to have some type of evidence that he needed you; 

you were the one he loved, how could he possibly live without you in his life?

but somehow. he was still there.

“-niel?” his call connected.

“jisung-hyung, i finished the recording.”

“you finished early, that’s good! that means you have time to come back to the dorm and shower. we’re going out for drinks tonight. minhyun and jaehwan aren’t coming so they can take care of the kids.” 

settling yourself in the kitchen, you pour yourself a drink

swinging your legs under the table, you’re about to reach for the small glass when you hear your phone ring

"hello? is it y/n?” you hear jisung’s voice over the muffled line. static and unstable

“jisung-oppa?” you try after a moment’s hesitation. “how did you get my number?”

you knew that when wanna one debut, all the members changed numbers. daniel had painstakingly tried to change his contact info on your phone without letting you find out. jisung and you hadn’t exchanged numbers though

“i got it from daniel’s phone.”

ah. so he hasn’t deleted your number yet.

it wasn’t exactly a happy breakup, you wouldn’t be surprised if daniel never wanted to see you again

you wonder if he’s changed your name in his contacts - you couldn’t bring yourself to change daniel’s

peter and rooney’s appa, your face used to always light up whenever you saw the cat emoji show up on your screen

“what’s wrong?” jisung wouldn’t call you out of the blue. daniel shared everything with that man. if anyone would know about the breakup - it’s jisung

a sigh. jisung knew that’d you’d pick up on something straight away. “whereabouts are you right now?”

“i’m back home.”

“in busan?”

you nod, an automatic reaction despite that fact that he wouldn’t see you anyway. “yeah.”

“nevermind then. sorry to bother y-”

jisung gets cut off as you hear the phone being passed around.

snatched maybe. 

there’s another voice now. one you know much too clearly

“it is y/n? jisung-hyung, did you call y/n? right? it’s her right-”

and you also know daniel well enough to know that despite the lack of apparent slurring - he’s drunk

suddenly, you don’t feel like drinking anymore

“niel!” jisung snatched the phone again. and you hear something akin to the device being wrestled around. “sorry y/n- you know how he can be-”

“hyung! she doesn’t know! she doesn’t know! if she knew she wouldn’t have left!”

you wonder why you like this sweet pain, pressing the phone closer to you ear, adamant to hear his voice

it seems that the other end of the phone has forgotten about you too, and you hear other voices chiming in, focusing on calming him down

“it’s all right-” jisung tried. “you said she left everything in the flat. she’ll come back eventually to pick up her things and you can talk then.”

“hyung, y/n ran away. she ran away from of me. because of me. i was making her sad.” you could almost see him. his voice so loud, so clear, that you could picture him, a bottle of soju in his hands - drinking straight out of the bottle like he would when he was stressed

“but niel-ie, you can’t do this.” that’s ong seongwoo’s voice. you recognised it from all the wanna one shows you’ve diligently watched. “it’s not right to call her when you’re drunk. wait until your head is clear-”

a whine. “i can’t- i can’t call her.”

you wonder if he knows that he’s still holding the phone that his older companions are so desperately trying to remove from him.

“if i call y/n, i’ll make her sad. it’s not fair. why do i have to choose, hyung? i miss her, hyung. i want to see her. i want to say i’m sorry. i want to tell her i love her. hyung- hyung, you have to help me.”

ah. so that’s why jisung called you.

“you said it yourself. you’ve broken up. if she wasn’t happy, you have to let her go.”

and that’s ha sungwoon.

they’re drinking out? together? but you thought that daniel didn’t want to let the others know about you

funny how he tells them everything after your breakup

“jisung-oppa?” you try. voice a little louder so that they can hear your over the commotion on the other hand.

“y/n?” he sounds surprised. you guess that they really didn’t know that the call was still going. maybe he expected you to hang up as soon as you heard daniel’s voice.

you didn’t know why you continued listening either

“i’m coming back to seoul this weekend. i’m starting work there next week. tell dan-”

“i’ll tell daniel.” you could hear jisung chirp almost excitedly as you mentioned the boy

“tell daniel…” you repeated. your voice was steeled. controlled. even though you could feel sobs beginning to form, wrecking you from within. 

i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry

“tell daniel to delete my number.”

you’d delete his number from your phone too

dragging your suitcase out of the elevator into your flat, you slip on your fluffy slippers, making a mental note to hide the bigger pair next to them somewhere deep in the shoe cupboard

you might not have left with a lot, but you did bring back way too much from busan

emptying the contents of your suitcase into the closet, you were about to head to the kitchen to make a cup of tea when you heard the door open

you’re not entirely surprised that it’s daniel

nobody else had your key

but - “what are you doing here?”

“i know i shouldn’t be here.” you nod. backing into your room as daniel walks closer. the corridor too narrow for your liking.

he was too close. his familiar scent engulfing you in this small space

you don’t know if you can keep yourself from going towards him when you’re so close

“i left my phone here the other day. so i’m just trying to find it.”

the other day?

he responds quickly to the change in your expression, and you’re suddenly hyperaware of how well daniel can still read you

“i came to pick something up.” your anniversary gift was left unsaid, as he clutched the necklace in his pocket. 

daniel had kept it on his body since that drunken night; it was the only part of you that he could always carry with him now that you’d left

“i can’t find it anywhere. i- um. y/n, could you maybe call me? i’ll leave after finding it.” you probably don’t want to see me, he thought, not after what i put you through “i’ve already left my keys on the table when i came in.”

“my keys” you wanted to laugh. he still called them his own when he had already returned them to you.

but you guess you’re the same.

you were also calling things no longer yours, ‘mine’

“it’s no problem. i’ll call you. there’s no need to be a stranger daniel, we can still be friends.” you were friends before lovers. and it’d hurt to lose that.

you had made friends in seoul - but there’s no one you were particularly close to

nothing could compare to the type of friendship the two of you shared before you started dating

before the two of you ruined everything

you see him nod wordlessly, following you as you walk out of your room with fake confidence, strolling past him in that narrow narrow corridor, making sure not to touch him

reaching for your mobile and dialling the number so easily it scares you

because somehow, it means that your body will continue remembering traces of him even when you try to get rid of everything

‘im feeling so energetic’ echoes through the living room and you reach for the source of sound from under the couch, eyes widening when you see the cat emoji on the screen. the name of the caller making your heart clench

peter and rooney’s umma is calling

oh. he didn’t change it.

you don’t know why - but you do but you do - but it hurts, and its the same pain you felt when you heard his voice over the phone

getting up from your crouch, you hand the phone - face down - back to daniel. he’s standing behind you. straight, his expression unreadable. 

“i couldn’t change it.” i couldn’t delete your number

“i saw.”

"you typed in my number.” you didn’t use your contacts. i’m already gone.

you’re not surprised that he saw, daniel had always been attentive despite how childlike he seemed

“i don’t want that.” daniel’s surprised too, that he’d let it slip. but as if suddenly gaining confidence, he continues - the words he locked in spilling out when he sees that you refuse to look at him. his voice gentle and firm

“hey, y/n. i figured it out. i do need you, just not the same way as before. you were my source of strength before, but now i want to be strong for you.”

you wish you could’ve heard these words earlier

much earlier

because he sounds so proud, so happy with himself, as if he’s figured out how to fix the two of you

and because you’ve been unfair. mean. cruel even. 

and you’re realising too late that you never truly told daniel why you broke up with him

why you could no longer face him

why you couldn’t see the future that you imagined together anymore

“daniel, it’s not about you changing, it’s me as well. i used to be the one making you laugh, but now you’re the source of laughter for so many others and i don’t know how i compare. where i fit in. does that make sense, niel-ah?”

you see him flinch at the affectionate nickname

maybe you shouldn’t use it

“yes.” he nods. “yes, it makes sense. y/n-”

“i loved you kang daniel.”

loved. past tense. because the kang daniel you loved has become someone else now. and now daniel knew it too - that neither of you were the same as you once were

“then why can’t you fall in love with me again?”

the words leave him so quickly you wonder if he’s programmed himself to somehow have a reply for everything you say

to have a foolishly perfect answer to all your questions

“we’re different. but maybe our ‘different’ can still fit together. why can’t we try?”

and you realize that this is what you wanted

what you needed

some sort of proof that he was willing to fight for the two of you

that there was a chance for you to be happy together

“i don’t know” 

the words are hard to choke out through your tears. 

there’s lingering sadness when you think of how faraway he looks, and daniel holds your hands in his own instead of reaching to wipe tears from your face straight away like he used to

and he cups them in his own instead of lacing your fingers together

baby steps.

“you’ve always been there for me - always been the one taking care of me. but i want to be the one you need now.”

the two of you would take baby steps.

“fall in love with me again, y/n, please.” for me, it’s always been you. 

reaching up, he lets his fingers dry the tears, bringing your face close to his

whispering ‘i love you’s as he kisses you gently. as if he’d scare you away, 

he kisses like you’d break any moment

only when he feels you kiss back does he press a little harder, a little deeper - as if trying to stamp his existence into you

“i love you.” you can hear daniel whisper against your lips like a habit, his hands cradling your face when he lets you go - out of breath

“please don’t leave again.”

memories of long ago give you the strength to wrap your arms around him, “i won’t, i’ll stay by your side”

you couldn’t give him empty promises of eternal love. but you’d stay by his side forever.

you weren’t ready to say that you love him. 

but that was okay.

at least, daniel said it was okay.

and you found yourself trusting him

the two of you were no longer the same people you once were

he was no longer kang euigeon who suddenly changed his name to daniel and began b-boying after school in hand me downs

and you were no longer the same girl who hid and cheered for him behind the cheap cam-corder with a carton of coffee milk and packed lunches

but it was going to be okay

because all roads lead back home, and home was him.

he was your beginning and you were his end

[justalittlemango]

Hmmm

So uh... I haven't posted on this Tumblr for a while. A few months by the looks of it? That last post was the beginning of this year. And now it's 20th August 2021.

So what happened? Also ugh the formatting on this site. Welp, my last post seemed to be a lot about my now-ex. I'll call him Tit as I think that's an appropriate name. So yeah, he did come back sometime after I wrote that post. He came back. He seemed to have been feeling better. It was nice to see him happy and things pretty much went back to how they were before, even better if anything. Sadly that was only temporary! Well, I say sadly. Sad at the time. I don't care these days.

Something happened, he lost it over me doing literally nothing. I knew he had problems with my mental health but I don't like to be accused of all sorts when all I try to do is help. I knew at that time, that was the calling point. Cutting off ties. Because my health both mentally and physically could not deal with everything he was putting me through. I cut him off. It felt sad but I knew I had to do it. And fast forward six months later, there's been no contact between us. Thank god.

So.. that was always fun.. I lost my friends who I had met through Tit. I knew that was coming as well. I can still be mad over that, but at the end of the day, who's side are they going to stick by? Mine (someone they've only known for a few months) or his (someone they adore and known for years even.) I guess the outcome here was kind of obvious. I wish I could say I didn't care it happened, but it did hurt me. When I was already going through so much hurt just seeing that was not nice. Thankfully I was never confronted before it happened, I was just swiftly deleted/unfriended/removed and that's that.

That was the second time in a 7/8 month span that I lost friends because of these love problems. So all in all? I'm pretty fucking tired of that happening lol. Anyway, these people are irrelevant now and no longer play a part in my life. So I just need to forget about them.

So did things get any better? Yes! I met someone new. My Dommy. I joined this server in attempt to make some friends and play games with (since the friends I once did that with departed..) so I thought I'd shoot my shot there. It started off okay, I was making friends and it was fun. I met Dommy in there. There was something that caught my eye about him when I would see him chatting and stuff. We spoke to each other through DMs for a bit and played games together. It was so much fun. And the more I got to know about him the more I was like ... My god ... Because I knew I was going to catch feelings for him. Everything he was telling me about himself just made the feelings grow more and more. Like he just kept ticking my boxes in what I seek in a partner.

At first I didn't wanna catch feelings, mostly due to the fact he's 18, and I was 23 (now I'm 24 so yay). I felt the age gap would've been too weird and I wouldn't usually consider anyone that's under 21 to be a potential partner. But god it was so hard to think like that when the more I learnt about him, the more these feelings kept growing. He just knew exactly what to say. His personality and everything. He's so fun and kind. So wholesome. Positive. I find him so relatable too. I definitely didn't expect this for someone who is quite frankly, fresh into adulthood. But here we are!

Heh, let's just say I tried to dim my feelings down. And it definitely didn't work. And I remember thinking at first like, oh god he wouldn't want feelings for me I'm like 5 years older than him LOLLL. But boy was I wrong! About a month after chatting and playing games together (quite frequently too) - he told me he had a crush on me. And I remember how great that felt. It felt so... fucking... amazing. To read everything he said to me. I really didn't think he'd feel that way.. I had my suspicions on somethings but they were more just me being overly hopeful. And of course, I had to tell him I crushed him back. I had the same feelings. And ever since then it just continually grows.

26th May we decided to become long distance boyfriends. We both felt ready for it. Every day and night I got to spend with him on voice chat was SO enjoyable. It was so much fun. The love kept continuing to grow and grow. The more he told me about himself, the more he truly sounded like my perfect man. My soul mate even! And he felt the same way about it all. And now we're so clingy and romantic for each other all the time and I LOVE IT!!

Fast forward to August. We still here. We hope to meet up soon. We surround ourselves with such positive romantic energy. Inspiring each other to be our best selves. Heck, we both got jobs just so we can buy stuff for each other and visit frequently. And that's where we're at. We're awaiting the day for when we meet.

I'm so grateful for him. He changed my life around. I hit rock bottom and he full on dragged me out. Showed me that I can still love. Supported me through everything. Even with everything that happened after my ex. He was there. And still today, with everything I went through.. he had my back.

I love him so much. With everything I have. To the end of days. I've never met ANYONE like him. My past relationships don't even come close to what he and I have. And the crazy thing? He feels the same.. this is just magical. See, it would be TOO good if we were living in the same country. But alas, I am UK, he is US.. a few thousand miles away. But you know what? I'm making it my goal that we'll live together. We talk about having a family, living together, going on so many dates and just doing everything together.

It's my goal. Ultimate. Life goal. I don't want to die without being able to hold him in my arms. And very soon I hope, I will be able to hold him, watch him fall asleep in my arms and whisper "I love you" right in his ear. I 100% trust him. I've never been able to fully trust anyone in my life before. Not my previous partners or anything. But my Dommy? I trust him with my life.

But are there any issues?

Nope. Not really. Sometimes I still feel a lil weird about the age gap. I'll be meeting my boyfriend who's 18, as a 24 year old.. doing lovey things lol. Sometimes I worry about what others think about that, mostly his family. My family know about it and they think it's fine, as with my friends. I hope his family are the same! I mean, it's only 5 year difference. It's not that much at all. I just overthink it and it's a ridiculous thing to overthink! Because he is my soulmate. If anybody has a problem with it, then they'll have to deal with it. Cause I ain't going anywhere. And neither is he 😏 actually I think he'd get more sassy at them than I would!

But yeah. Uh. Anything else? Not really. He's a busy lad but I love that for him. He does so much for his family. He can do so much. Working, driving, going to college.. I'm so proud of him! And I think from what I know from his childhood, he deserves to have all these nice times with his family. So no, there are no issues between us. We have never even argued yet! And I couldn't imagine arguing with him.

So I hope next time I write here.. I'd have met him in person. And experience that. It would be the best day of my life.

____

Anyway! How am I? I'm fine right now. I'm struggling a bit because I have no money left. Kinda annoyed I spent my travel moneys on myself (because I had to.) I hope that issue will be sorted next month when I get my student loan, and hopefully this job that I interviewed for yesterday! Interview lasted over an hour and I'm only competing against one other person. So.. if I get that.. the money gonna be sweet. And you already know I'll be investing in travelling to see my Dommy!

But I also want to try to do my driving lessons. Get my own groceries again and my weight gain stuff because my body is far too skinny! I want to try and get a gym membership too while I'm at it. I say all this, but where the heck am I gonna find the time to do all this? Especially as a full time student! But I think we got this. Driving lessons aren't urgent, and even so they wouldn't take long if I do lessons in an auto. Since I've driven before. So maybe I'll only need 10 lessons.

I want to go the gym and build my body a little bit. Look a bit more in shape for when I see my boy hehehe.

So yeah, lack of money is my main issue here. I can't afford to go out and get my own food and supplements. So until I get my moneys, my mood is going to be patchy. It'll be worth the wait though if things go all out to plan.

Anything else on my mind? Well.. being back here in B'ham! I don't particularly feel safe here. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to be back with my parents. And not have to pay rent on a student house.. but that does come with some negatives... Quite a few negatives. These being.. lack of privacy, not being able to make a lot of noise late at night, not feeling safe in the city, issues with bathroom/showers, and the god forsaken slow internet.

Positives though? Being with my parents, in the big city where everything is, good stores and nightlife. Few friends are here. Though not too many I'm interested in seeing. Lol. I guess I'm in the middle of everything too so if I wanted to travel out of city to see someone , I have the option to do so.

So.. yeah! A lot more good than bad going on right now and thank god. Because how this year started was awful. It was literally the hardest time of my life to get through it. And everything that happened in the summer, I'm so grateful for. And my Dommy. I'm so happy he came into my life. I feel honoured and blessed to be in a relationship with him.

I hope things go to plan. I'm in my last year of university, and will be graduating next year. So that should be exciting! And then I have plans to study at BCU next year to do a master degree in UX! Which is exactly the kind of thing I want to get into! So that's a good two years of a steady income from student finance, and hopefully this part time job! So fingers crossed these plans will work out.

Those are my goals that I see in the distance. Travel to see my boyfriend, graduate and get onto that post-grad course! My short term goals. Oh and also get a part time job. Lol. My long term goals is to honestly.. immigrate to the US. I know it sounds wild. But it's what I want. I need to be with my boyfriend. Start a life with him. And spend the rest of my life with my Dommy. I don't know when I'd ever be able to live with him.. but let's just say you need to have a strong background to be accepted as a US citizen. But with the plans I got...it should work! Having a master's degree and hopefully someone will hire a UX designer from the US and sponsor me! With some luck.

How long do I think that would take? Probably sometime within the next 5 years.. I hope. If I'm lucky! And interesting to think, in 5 years I'm 28, and my boyfriend will be 23! Which I think is the perfect time in both our lives to find a place together to live and be happy.

I feel with that, being away from my parents via long distance is going to be VERY difficult. But I'd try my best to visit them for a month or so. And of course, I still want to support them even if I am living abroad.

Ok. Here is the end of the post. I hope I don't look back at this in a few months and laugh. I know not all of this will work out, but I hope most of it will! So yeah, here's to the future! To good health, happyness, and my boyfriend of course ;)

-mangiiii

[peaches-of-1]

Demon AU: 666 So Fresh- Chapter 4

We’re doing something new this time. This chapter is not from the POV of our three demon spawn. Instead, we see what the police are up to. Also, the Cop Chapters will be signaled by these angel wings instead of the rose.

Warnings: Graphic depiction of dead body, mentions of body horror, blood mentions, knife mention, alcohol mention

< Previous | Next >

Officer Namjoon was the first to arrive on the scene with his partner Jin. There were lots of people running out of the frat party and sitting on the sidewalk.  Several people were crying, others were just confused. He quickly called for backup while Jin started to organize things outside. They had to keep it contained.

Dead body at a frat party. Not good. They wouldn’t get a lot of accurate stories due to the amount of alcohol in people’s systems. A lot of under-aged drinkers would get in trouble and were already paranoid and secretive towards cops. Still, because of the situation, most would be let off with a light warning.

As the crime scene was closed off, statements were taken. There was a whole lot of blood and a whole lot of knives. Blood pattern said that none of them were the murder weapon. The kid’s face was ripped up pretty badly, but not as badly as his crotch which basically didn’t exist anymore. If he had survived, he wouldn’t have had any kids of his own afterwards. He chest was mostly untouched.

“It looks like a bear attack or something. Not human, at all.” Namjoon said while Jin refused to look.

Instead, he stood in the hallway, “Poor kid. I wonder what happened.”

Namjoon covered his nose with a rag, “I’m pretty sure we know what happened, Jin-hyung. It’s a demon. I wonder what he did to provoke them.”

Jin scoffed, “You don’t have to provoke a demon! They’re demons! All they want to do is cause harm to humans mentally, spiritually--” He gagged at the scent. “Physically. I need some fresh air.”

His partner followed, telling another cop to confiscate all the alcoholic content in the building. Cling wrap in the bathtub contained a blueish liquid that wreaked of fruit punch, vodka, sprite, cheap beer, and ice. It went down the drain.

As soon as he walked outside, Jin’s feet were met with a puddle of alcohol induced vomit. At least it wasn’t blood or another dead body. Kim Seokjin’s need to help save the world outweighed his squeamish tendencies. He was a literal angel, after all. One of the hundreds dispatched to Earth to be someone’s guardian. His ward was Namjoon. Being his partner against crime was a sure fire way to keep an eye on him. So far, it was working.

Namjoon had a lot of good in him. He was 40% human and 60% curiosity. Jin tried to make sure that his curiosity didn’t lead him astray and towards sin. He kept demons away from his friend and was always there to talk to him.

Anyways, after gathering statements from dozens of young adults in various stages of inebriation, it was time for the desk work part of the job. They had to read through them and find commonalities between them and make sure what was written made sense. Several of the kids had lawyered up, making things difficult. They probably knew nothing, but it was part of the job.

Another stack was placed on Namjoon’s desk.

“Really, Chief? Another one?”

Chief Bang shrugged, “A lot of kids called in with things they thought would help. I want it done before dinner, Joon.” and off he went.

Namjoon sighed just as his partner entered with coffee and bagels. “You always know what I need, Jin. I appreciate it.” He sniffed the wafting heat and it filled his lungs with hope that they’d get through the day without napping on the job.

It wasn’t long until Namjoon put on his cleanest uniform and stood next to the chief as he announced the horrible death that was taking social media by storm. The young man came from a rich family that was angry and upset and wanted to know who was responsible for his death. They weren’t very nice about it, but they were grieving. Other civilians were worried this would happen elsewhere.

No one wanted to die in the same way since it was so horrible. The photos that people had taken of the carnage had been reported and/or deleted due to their graphic quality and since they were part of an ongoing police investigation. The DNA sweep of the room turned up not much. That guy got around, and that meant so did Namjoon and Jin.

It was mostly over the phone interviews since most had gone home for summer about now. They didn’t know anything; they were just sad that one of the most mediocre fucks they’ve had were now dead. The funeral would be held in a few days. There was one set of DNA that was too contaminated to get anything decent from. It was hair, but just a strand, no bulb. Wavier than most others that they had found.

Namjoon believed in Demons. He had ever since he was young, and so he began to learn about them. Soon enough, he knew in his heart of hearts that he wanted to protect the world from such danger. However, because people who chased demons had a sight he did not have, Namjoon became a police officer instead.

He saved the world from humans and Hell Spawn alike, or well, his part of the world at least. It helped his rest easy knowing that he was doing the best he could to save the lives of innocent people. Still, this attack was really weird, he thought as he lay in bed.

It was crazy violent and traumatic as a death, but it was so focused. Face and crotch, not after the heart at all. It made him toss and turn most of the night thinking about what that could possibly mean.

There was nothing until the next day. Chief had called him to his office as soon as he set foot into the precinct.

“Tell me how a dead boy’s credit card was used across the state, Namjoon. It can’t unless it was stolen by the one who killed him.”

“Or the person threw the wallet out and some hobo picked it up, Sir.” he replied.

Chief Bang nodded, “Yes, yes, that’s also an option, but it’s best if you go check it out.”

“Yes, Sir. I’ll contact Jin right away, and we’ll go.”

“Make sure to check in with local law enforcement. I’ll tell them you’re coming, so let them know when you get there. Don’t want any trouble. Dismissed.”

Jin and Namjoon showed up in a town that was quite...desolate to say the least. A gas station here, a McDonald’s there. Sheriff’s office. Not many people and most looked related. Showing up to the gas station where a teen wearing so many piercings on each ear and in their nose, it seemed to ring true.

“You’re the policemen from Seoul, right?” Their heavily lined eyes searched their uniforms.

“Yes we are, young…” Jin began.

“Spirit of darkness.” They said and then sighed at their confused and blank reactions. “My dad’ll be here soon. He’s the sheriff. I can’t say anything without him here.”

Namjoon smiled, “Understood.”

He showed up soon, a rather fit man with long wavy hair. He introduced himself as Heechul and shook the men’s hands.

“Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice.” Jin said. “So, what happened? How come whoever had the card isn’t in custody?”

He tucked his hair back, “Kid doesn’t tell me anything until after they come home. Told me about a card that took a long time to go through and then came up bad. Manually made it work out since dude said it belonged to his boyfriend. They’re a good person, but gets a bit too excited when people are in the same group as them, y’know, the lgbt+ fam.”

Namjoon smiled at them, “It’s ok. I’m just glad you let us know as soon as you did. Still, if whoever had it made it here under 24 hours, who knows where they are now? Do you remember what the man looked like, Spirit of Darkness?”

The teen gave a small smile, “Really cute. Pale. Brown hair. Came in with two other people, one masculine, the other feminine. Didn’t really pay much attention to them. He was just really cute. I’m sorry that I can’t give you a lot of info.”

The officers assured that the kid was fine and got as many details as they could. They asked about the cameras that were set up, but they were just for show. No need to get them replaced since people rarely stopped here. Most came down the ramp but thought everything was shut down, making them turn back.

The officers and the sheriff said their goodbyes. They didn’t have much to go on, but it was more than they had before. It was a trio who had the card. Jin was sure at least one of them was a demon leading the other two astray.

“Let’s just find the boy’s killer and put them away, alright? No more talk of demons unless we’re sure.”

“I am. You are. I know you felt the aura in that room. Weak but demon-like. No doubt in my mind that it had something to do with Hell Spawn!”

Namjoon shook his head, “Jin. Please. I just want to do my job, and you know how we always fight about this topic. I don’t want to fight, so drop it, at least until we get more information one way or another.”

He sighed, “Fine. I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted. Now, look up something to eat on the way back. I’m thinking steak.”

“It’s my turn. Let’s get shrimp.”

The two bickered about this all the time, but it was their favorite argument. They had such different tastes when it came to food. Over time, their tastes sort of melded together, but they still could never agree on a place to eat in under 10 minutes.

< Previous | Next >

[spidermando]

Prison Break

Summary: A short story about Y/N’s first prison break

Pairing: Dean X Sister!Reader, Sam X Sister!Reader

Warnings: Arrest, nothing else really

Word count: 1.6K

Authors note: Hey guys! so this is my first imagine, i hope you guys like it. i meant to post it on the weekend, but my laptp was being a dick and deleted it, so rip. Have a great day - Georgia

Check out my Masterlist here!

Deep breaths. In and out, in and out. It had happened all too quickly. One minute I was picking up soft drink from the shelfs, the next I was in a pair of handcuffs, being shoved into a police car. My eyes caught sight of my older brothers, Sam and Dean, also being taken. Hopefully we were being taken to the same station, otherwise I don’t know what I’ll do. How did they even find us?

There was a gun placed in the waistband of my jeans, but I was obviously frisked and stripped of the weapon. I felt naked, vulnerable even. I had no way of defending myself, unless you counted my restrained fists. My mouth stayed shut throughout the trip, however no questions were asked anyway. They had no reason to arrest me… right? There were no traces of me at any crime scenes, Sammy had made sure of it.

After a few minutes, the car finally pulled to a stop and I was hauled from my seat. The hands gripping my arms were strong, causing me to wince in pain.

“No need to bruise my arms, mate.”

My words were only responded to by a huff, but the grip slightly loosened. The man continued to guide me into the station, where I caught a glimpse of Dean. He was restrained, pushed down onto a table. He had no physical signs of injury, causing minor relieve to flood my body.

“DEAN!!”

His head instantly snapped in my direction, calling the attention of the other officers.

“(Y/N).”

His body tried to straighten up, however he was merely pushed down again. Taking advantage of the man’s lose grip, I ripped myself out of his hold and ran towards my eldest brother. The police seemed to shocked to move, so I shoved them out of the way and helped Dean stand up. Quickly, I nuzzled my head into his chest. It was almost a hug, but with neither of our hands being free, it was simply chest contact. His head rested atop of mine, as a sigh left his lips.

“Don’t worry (Y/N), Sam will get you out of here.”

Instead of replying with words, I nodded. I knew the police were getting back on their feet, I could hear the shuffling. There would only be seconds before we were separated again.

Dean seemed to sense this, as he moved his head and placed a kiss on my forehead.

“Dean, what ab-“

Just as predicted, I was ripped away from my brother. Without even thinking, a scream escaped my throat and I planted my feet into the ground. No matter how hard the man pulled, I stayed put. My eyes were set on Dean, as he was pushed back into the table. He barley even noticed, as his eyes were also clearly on me.

“W-what about you??”

His mouth opened but I never heard his response, as the man picked me up and walked away from the scene.

“Look, you’ve been here for four hours. The sooner you speak, the sooner you get to go home.”

The police officer in front of me was short, with brown hair and green eyes. She was wearing a hideous pantsuit, with black flats. From what I had heard, her name was Ashely.

“I’ve already told you everything!” My voice came out frustrated, expressing how I felt.

“The truth, we need the truth.”

“What do you think I’ve told you then? Because I can promise you that I am no liar, I’ve never told a fib to anyone.”

Unless you count the police and general public.

My brothers and I always knew this could happen, so we had well devised lies for everything. Our stories would always match up, we made sure of it.

“Well how come your brother, Sammy, told us something completely different.”

Psh, as if.

“First off, it’s Sam. His name is Sam, not Sammy. Second off, are you sure you aren’t lying to me?”

Ashley seemed taken aback for a moment, her glance leaving mine.

“It’s my job to lie.”

A short chuckle left my mouth, causing her to turn back to me.

Making direct eye contact, I responded.

“I thought it was your job to protect the innocent. Not arrest them.”

It was several hours before the door opened again. Ashely had been kind enough to supply me with a cup of water, however I had already drunk it all, leaving my mouth as dry as a desert. My wrists were bond to the table with handcuffs but there was a small chain, leaving room for me move my arms.

My eyes stayed on the table, uninterested in the person who had walked in. Judging by the impact of the footsteps, it was a man. Interesting, I don’t remember a man come see me before. A sigh escaped my lips, as I threw my head back and rolled my eyes.

“And what is that you would want?” I muttered, staring at the ceiling fan directly above me.

“well, ideally I’d like to get you out of here.”

That voice, I’d heard millions of times before. It had helped me sleep on sleepless nights, calmed me in stressful situations and explained the unexplainable.

My eyes immediately snapped to the man, studying him for any visible injuries. To my relief, he appeared as he always did, fine.

“Sammy.”

Before I even knew it, tears poured from my eyes, dripping down my cheeks and falling onto my neck. Sam seemed surprised, after all I didn’t cry often. I didn’t realise how much I needed to see them until he walked in the room. But these hours alone in this small room had set me on edge, silently begging for my brothers to come rescue me.

“(Y/N).”

As my relentless crying continued, Sam approached me with a bobby pin. Quickly, he expertly undid the handcuffs, before pulling me into a well needed hug. My sobbing slowly came to a halt, with the feeling of his arms around me sending warm waves of comfort up my spine. My hands gripped his shirt, fearing he would disappear if they didn’t hold tight enough.

Eventually, I pulled back from him. My eyes trailed to the spot I had nuzzled my face into, seeing a sizable wet patch.

“S-Sorry.”

Sam’s face contorted with confusion, as I pointed towards the stain. As soon as he spotted it, his lips curled up into a smile.

“Nothing that can’t be fixed.”

His smile was contagious, as I followed suit and let out a small giggle. My hand search for his, as I pulled it into my grip and intertwined our fingers.

“so what now?”

Sam’s eyes gestured to the window, as his eyebrows raised causing crinkles to appear on his forehead.

“Well, I do a have a little idea.”

“Sammy, do think we can pull over yet?”

Shortly after escaping the police station, Dean joined us at the hotel. Together, we packed everything we had left into Baby’s boot, before taking off. We’d been driving for at least three hours and the hunger was starting to get to me. If I didn’t have food soon, I might result to chewing the backseat of the Impala.

“Uh, I don’t see why not.”

Dean seemed to take note of his words, as we kept watch for any fast food place. We continued to drive for twenty minutes, before Dean pulled up in front of a MacDonald’s. Sam handed over some money, before telling me what he wants. Dean followed suit, telling me his order as he pulled out of the car parking lot and drove down the road. It was too risky to have them here, especially in our obnoxious car.

Repeating their orders in my head, I marched into the restaurant and got in line. Luckily, it was short, with only 4 people standing ahead of me. I didn’t notice at first, but in the corner of my eye stood two police officers. Instantly, my palm became sweaty, as nerves over took me. I kept my head forward, trying to avoid eye contact.

They didn’t seem familiar, but that didn’t mean they oblivious to my identity. Keeping the thought in my head, I stepped ahead and ordered Sam’s, Dean’s and I’s orders. The nice lady gave me a ticket with the number 102 on it, before taking my money and handing back the change.

$4.80. Studying the coins, I placed them in the charity box. Who knows, that $4 could save someone’s life.

Making sure not to look at the officers I waited for my order. My head faced forward, as I discreetly kept my eye on them. I couldn’t help but flinch, as one made their way over.

“Excuse me.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Realising I was in his way, I stepped to the side and into the shadows. The man said nothing else, as he made his way forward to collect his food. It was then that I heard someone shout my number.

Jumping forward, I snatched the food from their hands, thanked them and headed towards the door. As if Dean knew I was coming, he pulled up right in front of me. My hand gripped the door handle, as I opened the door and jumped inside. A sigh left my mouth, relieve flooding my body.

“Did you get the food?”

Typical Dean, always about the food.

In reply to his question I held up the bag, shaking it in the rear-view mirror.

“Thank the lord!”

And that was the story about how I escaped my first police station with my two big brothers, Sam and Dean.

[izanyas]

Not Justice (6)

It’s here... the post-ketsu Big Fic Update... :D thank you @scarlet-blossoms​! 

Rating: M Words: 5,500 Warnings: PTSD (panic attack, derealization, some unsanitary stuff), child kidnapping, Namie’s ego.

Not Justice Chapter 6

Izaya refused to go back to Tokyo as long as Namie herself wasn't already there to wait for him. Namie had expected it, had her brain rushing ahead and her fingers on the keyboard of her laptop by the time he hung up on her, trying to buy the quickest plane ticket to Narita that she could find.

It didn't matter how expensive it was. She still had access to one of Izaya's bank accounts, and what was left on it largely paid for the fee.

She left the same evening with not even a note behind herself. The woman at the entrance of the hotel she was staying at looked at her with wide eyes when she handed over her keys—for good—and all Namie felt at the sight was a burning sort of satisfaction. "You'd look better with short hair," she told her, breaking another of the rules she had set for herself by the time she reached fifteen years old.

She didn't compliment people who weren't Seiji. Especially not women.

The text she sent to Kishitani Shingen from the airport was to the point. I quit, it said. Shingen tried to call her almost immediately, but Namie shuffled deeper inside the armchair of the first class resting lounge and turned off her phone entirely. The champagne she downed from the offered buffet was the best she had ever tasted.

She didn't retain much from the flight. She wasn't sick, and her ears didn't hurt like Seiji's had when they had traveled to America together almost two years ago. She grabbed a few fitful hours of sleep, her back aching despite the comfort of her seat and her dreams plagued by Izaya's voice and flashes of the city she was going to. The city she was returning to.

She didn't know if it felt like going home. She had never had a place to call home in the first place.

It took until her plane landed in Japan for her to realize that the weightlessness of her heart came from the fact that, for the first time in years, no one was after her. She wasn't in danger. Seiji was thousands of miles away, unaware of her departure, and the only thing waiting for her here was what she herself had brought. She had nothing to expect here but maybe answers to the void inside her—and already this gap was being bridged, already she could breathe like she hadn't in months. She was clean, and she was fed, and she had two suitcases with her full of belongings that she didn't have to hand over to anyone.

Her inbox was full when she turned on her phone once more. She deleted the Kishitanis' inquiries without reading them, opened Izaya's email to check what time his train would arrive in Narita—ten thirty—and finally, her thumb hovered over the single text she had received from Harima Mika.

There was a sense of finality in her when she opened it.

Good luck, it read. And, like an afterthought, Thank you.

Namie's jaw was tense, her throat dry and hot. She felt no anger, though, and no regret.

Namie took a seat at a café inside the station and resolved to spend the next two hours waiting in silence, hands resolutely not shaking around the porcelain cup that a waiter brought her, stomach too knotted to eat the breakfast she had ordered with it. Her toast cooled down within a few minutes, the grease from the butter growing less appealing as it did. She ate half of an apple and the tiny piece of chocolate that went with the coffee. She felt tired but restless, and the caffeine helped with that, making it almost impossible for her to close her eyes or quiet her own heartbeat.

She told Izaya where exactly she was waiting thirty minutes before his train was scheduled to arrive. She couldn't see the tracks from inside the station, but she was right outside of where he should come up once the time came. Seeing posters written in her own language and hearing it spoken around her in the café hadn't been surprising at first; now, though, she found herself lending an ear to the other customers' murmurs and glancing at the ads plastered over the walls of the station.

She thought she must simply be too tense at first. The closer she got to the time of Izaya's arrival and the harder her heart beat against her ribcage, the more she felt her own clothes tighten around her as if to suffocate her—her bra was digging into her sides, making it hard to breathe. She was considering sneaking a hand under her shirt to unclasp it when her eyes glanced over one more movie poster.

Hanejima Yuuhei, she thought. He was on it, looking no different than she remembered. Pretty but plain. Namie rubbed her forehead with tired fingers, a useless attempt at pushing away the headache she could feel coming; her eyes lowered to read the title of the movie, and her heart jumped in her chest before she could understand why.

There was a man standing next to the poster. He was too far away for her to see his features, and he was looking to his side anyway.

He had blond hair.

Her leg jerked under the table, making her empty cup and untouched plate rattle loudly. Namie barely remembered to drop a few bills onto it before she jumped out of her chair, dragging her suitcases behind her, walking toward the man with fury flowering inside her, tasting fire on her tongue.

There must be tens of thousands of men with blond hair in Tokyo and its vicinity. She knew that. And even as she got closer she couldn't see this one's face, and he was wearing very plain clothes too. But the build fit, and the atmosphere did too, and Izaya's train would be here in less than five minutes.

Heiwajima Shizuo barely managed to avoid the suitcase she threw at his legs. He turned his head in her direction right as she was reaching back, feet slipping on the floor as she tried to gain traction on it, and his side-step was done with a loud swear.

Namie's suitcase crashed into the wall, right under the Hanejima poster.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Heiwajima barked, veins turning dark in his face and hands flexing by his sides.

Namie was too tired to be afraid. "You are not going to ruin this for me," she hissed. "Get out."

"You just tried to break my leg—"

Nami stepped forward and grabbed him by the collar before he could finish, and he looked bewildered, an expression she had never seen on his face in the few glimpses she had had of him in person before. "Get out!" she yelled, her spit probably flying into his face, she was so close. "I don't care if you beat me up later, just get out, now."

"Who the fuck are you?" Heiwajima took hold of her hands and ripped them off of him—lifted her and pushed her away as if she weighed nothing at all. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't punch your face in!"

Namie's body was too tense on anger, red-hot and slimy inside her veins. She couldn't feel any more fear because she was already bursting with it. "It doesn't matter," she said. From the corner of her eyes, she saw a man in uniform approach them slowly. "Fuck. Heiwajima, you need to get out of here."

"Why should I?" he answered loudly. "Who are you?"

"Shit," Namie whispered, biting into her own lips. She had the taste of metal on her tongue when she ordered, "Tell that guy that everything's fine."

"You—"

"Please." She wasn't above begging. Not for this.

Ten-twenty-eight, the clock on the wall said.

Heiwajima looked at her—too long, too slow—and she thought she saw him physically reign in the violence visible in the line of his shoulders. He exhaled as though trying to expel it from his own lungs, he closed his eyes, and he rubbed a hand over his face. When he nodded to the man she could feel walking in their direction, he looked older than she had ever seen him.

"Explain yourself," he told her between his teeth.

But she couldn't. Not now. "There's no time," she replied—and her voice was shaking, she noticed, horrified—"Just do as I say. I'll give you my number, you can contact me later if you want, but I need you out of this station right now."

Heiwajima stared at her without moving. She knew that she must look frightful, deranged, out of her mind; she knew that her face was hot and her luggage spread around her on the floor and her hands twisting together; she knew how much her face was marked with the insomnia of the past year and how little she cared about masking this with makeup. "I'll contact you later," she said again. She tried to push him toward the exit, but he didn't bulge, not even one bit.

"Who are you?" he asked for the third time. She was staring at his chest—at the deceptively normal white shirt he wore, not unlike her own—both of her hands shaking against him. Trying to move him felt like trying to move a brick wall. "You obviously know who I am," he continued, getting rid of her grip on him once more.

So easily. As if he were batting away an annoying fly.

Ten-twenty-nine. Namie thought she could hear the train stop from where she was, its doors opening, its passengers getting out, Izaya among them.

"If you stay here," she said, throat tight, "you're going to provoke a fight."

Heiwajima's eyebrows twitched in irritation. "I haven't punched you, have I?"

She almost wanted to laugh. "You won't be able to help it."

In the second that followed she saw Heiwajima's face change; the hostility seemed to bleed out of him and leave nothing behind but closed doors. "Ah," he said. His hand released her wrists. People crawled up the escalator that led out from the platform under their feet, and they both turned to look at them spilling out into the station, carrying luggage and holding children's hands.

"You're here for him too." Heiwajima's voice was heavy.

She couldn't look at him anymore.

They stood frozen in front of his brother's movie poster, Namie's suitcases still lying on the floor, gathering dirt. She felt tied up. Strangled. The hard plastic of her bra dug into her chest with every breath she took, painful and relentless; the lighting was too harsh now, making her blink away tears and leaving gray spots in her vision.

The doors to the elevator opened again. Namie and Heiwajima turned their heads to look at them with the same breath lodged in their throats, and, she thought, with the same apprehension.

Izaya wheeled himself out of the elevator's cage and right out in the open, his black hair shining blue under the electric lights, his face turned away to look at the old man standing beside him.

"Don't," she breathed.

Heiwajima kicked her suitcase out of his way and started walking.

--

Sozoro was hovering.

He looked like a bird of prey. Today wasn't the first time Izaya had had this thought, and it wouldn't be the last; Sozoro had eyes like an eagle's and talons to go with them too—knives hidden on his person, just like Izaya did.

Izaya hadn't had much use for his knives lately.

Sorozo, though, seemed to be having the time of his life. The closer their train got to Tokyo and the sharper the glee was on his face, and Izaya was too bored, or too tense, not to ask questions.

"It'll be interesting to see how you fare there," Sozoro answered him. "Somewhere you know, among people you know. People who know you."

"I don't intend to make my presence known."

Sozoro's eyes were glinting. "Plans don't always come to fruition," was all he said.

The train ride wasn't uncomfortable. Izaya had traveled light—most of his luggage would be transported at a later date if necessary. Because of Namie's insistence that he go to Tokyo within twenty-four hours of her call, he hadn't had much time to prepare. He had to get a prescription filled and book train tickets and pack. Even with Sozoro's help, this took time.

Now he was sitting between two wagons, in a space left free for the disabled, back against the soft train seat and legs extended onto his own wheelchair in front. His laptop was on his knees, but he wasn't doing anything with it other than watching the video Namie had sent him of the creature they called Snake Hands. Over and over. Hoping for his eyes to catch a new detail.

Izaya didn't know anything or anyone who could outrun the Black Rider. It made sense to suspect that someone—or something—he didn't know might have taken Kururi.

"You're hesitant," Sozoro commented.

Izaya tensed. He lifted his right thigh with his hands, so he could cross his legs at the knee in front of him. "I'm just tired."

"Your sister has been missing for more than thirty hours now," Sozoro continued evenly. "You know the chances of finding her alive are thin."

Izaya knew. He was no stranger to abductions.

He couldn't call anyone yet, though. Not as long as he was out of the city—and, his mind whispered, not as long as Namie wasn't there.

She texted him right then, telling him where she was waiting. Izaya put his phone back into his pocket without answering.

He would be with her soon enough.

The last few minutes of travel were spent in silence for the both of them. Sozoro hadn't sat down at all through the trip; he was holding a wall loosely so as not to lose his balance in case the train slowed suddenly. Every seat except for the one Izaya had taken was free, but he ignored them all.

Izaya had to resist uncrossing his legs and crossing them again. His spine was burning harder than usual as it was. He couldn't even tell if that was his imagination—most of the pain was his imagination in the first place.

In the balance of all the painful days he'd had since waking up in the hospital, paralyzed from the waist down and both arms in casts, this one weighed toward the bad.

Izaya packed his laptop into his bag ten minutes before the train was scheduled to stop. He tugged his legs out of the wheelchair's seat and brought it closer to him. Then, after locking the breaks in place, he pushed himself onto it.

"You should've eaten before we left," Sozoro said, eyeing the way Izaya's arms shook under his weight.

"Too early to eat," Izaya replied between clenched teeth.

He let out a harsh breath once he was securely seated. His legs ached, but the worst of the pain was always at his lower back; as though someone had taken hold of his spine there and twisted their fist sideways. With a wave of his hand, Izaya ordered Sozoro to pick up his suitcase and push his backpack under the seat of the chair.

He ignored the doors opening around him. Other passengers were walking out of their assigned seats to wait near the door where he was; some of them marked a pause at the sight of him, one or two flicked their tongue in annoyance. Izaya leaned back in his seat and turned his head to look at them, lips stretching on amusement despite himself, despite everything.

"My apologies for blocking the way," he told them. "I'm in quite a bit of pain, so I'd like to hurry out."

The couple behind him seemed to deflate; soon enough, everyone in the vicinity was looking at them with animosity. Izaya entertained himself with the whispers for the last two minutes of the drive.

He barely felt the train slow and stop. The doors opened in front of him silently, the platform almost empty but for a few people come to wait directly on it; Namie would be upstairs, though, he knew.

Sozoro pushed down on the handles of the wheelchair so that its front would lift and allow to cross the small step separating Izaya from the edge of the quay.

Nothing around was especially different or stressful. Narita was a big station and a bigger airport; the chance of accidentally crossing paths with anyone he knew was small. Still Izaya felt his lungs fill with ice as he breathed, felt a tell-tale pain in his chest that he knew would soon enough be lodged in his forehead and his throat. Sozoro handed him the small pill pouch from his bag wordlessly as they waited by the elevator.

For once, Izaya didn't rue Sozoro's foresight. He didn't pretend that everything was fine. He popped an anti-emetic tablet into his mouth and swallowed it dry.

"There's nothing for you to throw up," Sozoro murmured.

"I'd rather not be nauseous at all. It's a pain to get rid of."

Sozoro didn't mention the chest pain. Izaya had pills for that, too; but Izaya would die before he admitted to needing those.

The line for the elevator was almost empty now. People kept throwing curious glances at Izaya, offering to let him go first, and Izaya smiled and waved them off. He wanted to avoid as much as the crowd as he could before meeting Namie. Finally, it was only him, Sozoro, and his luggage. The train that had driven them here had already left the platform. Izaya pushed himself into the elevator manually despite the strain on his back and let out a sigh once the doors closed.

"You're going to have a grand old time here," he told Sozoro, looking at the ceiling.

"Indeed."

Izaya chuckled. "I could introduce you to quite a few skilled fighters. One of them a former classmate of mine. She'd be delighted to take on a specialist, her usual sparring partners are mostly comprised of children."

"I'll make sure not to hit too hard," Sozoro drawled, and Izaya laughed brightly.

"Oh, I wouldn't underestimate her if I were you." The elevator stopped. A bell rang, softly, and as Izaya turned his head to look over his shoulder and into Sozoro's dark eyes, the doors started opening. "As I said, though, I don't plan on making myself—"

He choked. His mouth stayed open for a timeless second, voice gone from him; the pain in his chest disappeared entirely under the cold air that filled his lungs, thick, heavy, till they were so full of ice that he couldn't breathe at all.

He barely heard Sozoro ask, Izaya-dono? with something akin to surprise on his voice. Izaya whipped his head around to look at the crowd walking through the station, and as he did, it parted in front of him neatly, people pressing backwards to make way for the man walking in his direction.

Shizuo's eyes met his in less than a second, hooked them in and made it impossible for Izaya to look away. And it didn't matter that his eyesight blurred almost instantly or that he could feel blood rush to his head painfully, begging him to breathe again—Shizuo's face fit itself into the hole in Izaya's mind as neatly as if it had only been a day since he has last smelled murder off of the other's body and felt all the bones in his arms snap.

Shizuo stopped in front of Izaya, both of his feet hitting the ground like earthquakes; he never paid any mind to the way Sozoro moved, wrapping a hand around his wrist and no doubt pressing a blade against the blue veins there. "Izaya," he said, and the word shook through Izaya like that metal beam had twenty months prior. Painting his entire back blue and purple from the shock; twisting his spine, halting his steps.

Izaya rasped in a breath when Sozoro's blade started pushing into Shizuo's skin. He didn't check to see if the man had managed to draw blood. He couldn't look away from Shizuo's face.

"It's no use," he tried—he clenched his teeth so the shaking would stop. "Sozoro-san," he continued, louder. "You won't be able to stop him."

He could feel the incredulous glance Sozoro gave him. But the man obeyed, bound by contract and no doubt encouraged by his own dislike of Izaya—and Shizuo took another step forward, raising the hand—ah, the hand that Sozoro had grabbed, and indeed it was bleeding from a tiny cut at the wrist, already staining Shizuo's shirt sleeve crimson.

When he grabbed Izaya by the collar, the stain spread over it.

"Izaya," Shizuo growled again.

Izaya smiled, and tasted bile on his tongue as he did. "Shizuo. Long time no see."

There was no pain anymore. His entire body felt electric instead. In the pit of his stomach, heat spread, familiar and forgotten at once—but this time there was something blocking it, something that made Izaya want to scream instead of laugh and trapped all of his voice in at the same time.

It was fear. Worse than he felt even waking up from nightmares, swimming in his own sweat, thighs wet with his own piss.

Shizuo's face hadn't changed. Through the white haze Izaya saw the same nose and eyes and mouth, saw the dark roots of Shizuo's sloppily-dyed hair, saw the white teeth in his mouth as he opened it to speak again.

Except—something happened. There was a shock, enough to make even Shizuo falter slightly. Izaya's now blood-stained collar slipped out of his grip, and Shizuo broke away from his eyes to look behind himself. Izaya did the same with a scream stuck in his throat.

A suitcase fell to the floor, probably after hitting Shizuo's back. When Izaya looked up from it he saw Namie, almost comical in her fury; her arm was still extended forward after throwing it, and her face was a vibrant red.

Izaya let out the ugliest laugh, shoulders shaking and making the fabric of his clothes drag against the slick sweat at his back. "And Namie-san," he declared shakily. "My, what a reunion."

"Will you fucking leave me alone," Shizuo snapped in her direction, but all Namie did was attempt to kick him in the thigh.

"Fuck off, Heiwajima. Just—fuck you, fuck everything about you."

They glared at each other, violence gleaming at Namie's throat and straining the lines of Shizuo's back—and Sozoro stepped forward again.

"If I may—"

"Shut up," they told him, at the exact same time.

Izaya couldn't help it; he laughed again, belly aching on it, chest shaking, heart bruising his throat; it was loud enough to attract the attention of two people wearing the station's uniform and make them walk toward him in hurry.

Izaya shook a tranquil hand in their direction. The laughter had made the cold dissipate and the pain come back tenfold. "Let's take this elsewhere," he declared, leaning back into the chair.

Namie tried to walk in his direction, but Shizuo grabbed her by the shoulder to stop her. "No," he told Izaya—Izaya's stomach tightened at the sound. "I'm not fucking following you anywhere. You sit there and listen to me."

"I can't exactly run away, Shizuo."

There wasn't a hint of pity on Shizuo's face when he looked at the armchair. "Do you want me to kill you?"

And Izaya should have expected that, really; but he found that the smile left his lips as violently as it had appeared, leaving his entire face numb in its wake.

Something changed on Shizuo's face as well. Both of his hands turned to fists by his sides as he breathed—Izaya's eyes zeroed in on them, helplessly—but all he did was put them into the pockets of his jeans.

"Are you here for Kururi?" he asked lowly.

Izaya licked his bottom lip. "Did Namie tell you I'd be here?"

"I did not," Namie exclaimed, still red with rage—but it was Shizuo whom Izaya was looking at. The hatred in his eyes was not as vibrant as it was in his memories. He said, plain and honest: "I knew you were coming back. The city stank." After a breath, he added: "Been hanging around here since yesterday, just in case."

Izaya raised a trembling hand to his lips and wiped the sweat off from under his nose. "Mmh."

"Mairu is losing her shit. She asked me to help—but I don't have any fucking clue where Kururi is. Do you?"

Izaya said nothing. The white around him was worse than it had been a minute ago; he was having trouble focusing on anything, but despite even this, his entire body tensed as Shizuo approached.

"Do you?" he repeated, hunched forward so that Izaya was only a couple inches under him. "Do you have anything to do with those fucking kidnappings, Izaya?"

"No," Sozoro answered for him. He stepped in front of Shizuo; Izaya usually disliked this sort of behavior from anyone, but this time, he felt grateful. "Izaya-dono came back at his sister's request. I'm sure he'll do his utmost to find her." Sozoro's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Shizuo didn't seem to catch it, but it didn't matter, because he knew Izaya better than any of the people here anyway. "Are you here for her?" he asked again.

"You already got your answer," Izaya muttered. He had to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand again—his face was clammy. He felt cold all over. Breathing caused the same ache in his chest that drowning would.

Shizuo pushed Sozoro away with only the strength of his wrist—if he had been in any state to, Izaya would've laughed again at the face Sozoro made. "I didn't get any answers." He put both of his hands on the armrests of Izaya's chairs, and Izaya pulled his own arms back in his lap, whip-fast.

"Why are you here, Izaya?" Shizuo asked, this time right into his face.

And Izaya had prepared lies for this; he had been still in bed all night, stomach twisting, waking up from hazy nightmares of fire-lit rooftops and a headless woman descending from heavens on stairs made of shadows; he had told himself, over and over, that coming back meant nothing to him.

He found himself telling the truth. "I'm here for the same reason I do anything," he said. "Because I'm interested, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo didn't react to the nickname. Izaya stared into the eye of the storm, the rest of the station completely gone from his mind. Voices and footsteps erased, walls painted white by his mind struggling against unconsciousness.

He realized that he was hyperventilating.

Shizuo seemed to drag all the air with him when he drew back. His steps were the only thing Izaya heard and his body the only thing he saw.

He looked like a creature from a book. Like a giant at the foot of a bridge.

"Fine," Shizuo said. Izaya blinked, and didn't see anything anymore. "Fine. I don't give a shit. Just find Kururi."

Izaya breathed a half-laugh, half-sob out. "There's no certainty that I can do that."

"Then you're even more rotten than I thought." As Izaya blinked in his general direction, Shizuo added, "Find her and get out of here for good, or this time I'll kill you for real."

"That's the plan," Izaya grit out. He heard Shizuo's footstep distance themselves from him, almost breaking out of the liminal space that fate or trauma or both had opened for them; before he could, Izaya asked, "Did you think you'd killed me?"

Shizuo stopped.

The silence was absolute, now. White and endless. Izaya thought he wouldn't have been able to notice someone touching him.

"Yeah," Shizuo said from far away. "Yeah, I thought I did."

Izaya smiled. "There I guess there's reason for you to celebrate after all. You didn't kill me." He leaned back into the shapeless space where his chair should be. "You didn't give me what I wanted."

The space broke, allowing in the white lights of the station and Namie's still-pink face in front of him. Izaya couldn't see Shizuo anywhere.

"I think I'll be passing out now," he informed Sozoro. "Namie will help you with directions."

He barely felt Namie's hand on his arm and the vicious words she threw at him in answer. The fog covered his brain and drew his eyelids shut, and with the last of his awareness he brought a hand to his collar and touched the wet, warm stain.

It was fitting, in a way. Stepping back into Ikebukuro with Shizuo's blood at his throat.

--

Kururi opened her eyes to a hospital-like room.

She had never had to go to a hospital herself. Neither had Mairu. Her mom had always said that she and her sister were healthier than anyone she knew—never got worse than cut knees or bruised eyes, even with Mairu's training at the dojo. She used to compare them to Izaya, because Izaya got sick often, according to her. Flu after flu, cold after cold. Perpetually underweight. Always an insomniac.

Kururi couldn't ever remember seeing her brother sick. Or at least not in the physical way. It might have been before, though; before the time she started to look at Izaya, before she realized that there was a fifth member to their family that she ought to get to know.

The ceiling was bare and grey. Dirty. Not a hospital, she thought faintly. Hospitals must look better on TV than they did in real life, she knew, but she didn't think one would look quite this bad.

Not a legal one, at least.

Kururi let her head fall sideways on the pillow. She was lying on a low bed, almost to floor-level. Other beds were in the room, with other people in them. There was a plastic pole next to her holding a transparent bag of… something. A tube went out of it, dropping down to her level, up to the crook of her elbow where a needle was stuck into her skin.

She tried to move, but found that she couldn't.

Mairu, she thought.

She felt as though she had slept for a very long time. The memories of being grabbed by the middle and lifted off the Black Rider's bike came to her sluggishly. Like trying to remember a dream.

Had Mairu been taken too?

She couldn't hear any voices. The people she could see next to her all seemed to be asleep or at least drugged, like she had been.

Her heart almost jumped out of her chest when something touched her face, but she couldn't move away from it. A hand grabbed her by the chin gently and made her turn her head back.

"There's only so long we can make a child sleep," the woman above her said.

She had a red coat on. At first, that was her most distinguishable trait. Kururi blinked forcefully, until she could see enough to make out the woman's features. She was pretty. Light-colored hair held up above her nape, warm skin and soft fingers against Kururi's cheek, wide eyes. Kururi couldn't guess her age. She smelled of flowers and smoke.

Her eyes were yellow.

The woman patted Kururi's hair briefly. "Don't panic," she said. "Though, I guess that's a little useless. You seem pretty calm already."

Kururi opened her mouth, forced her voice to come out. "M-Mairu…"

"Your sister's safe. I only need one of you, after all." She had a melodious voice, every word singing itself out of her. It might have been because of the drugs, but when she carded her hand through Kururi's hair once more, Kururi relaxed into it. "You really are family," the woman murmured. "He wasn't anxious in the least when I caught him either."

What do you mean? Kururi wanted to ask. But the woman fiddled with something on the pole, and already the room was blurring into black around her. Already all that Kururi could make out was the deep red of the woman's coat—and the bright glow of her inhuman eyes.

"Shh," the woman said. "Your brother is full of lies. Even back then, he made sure to protect you from me." Kururi opened her mouth silently; the woman patted her shoulder and stood up, her face disappearing into the dark.

"He'll come," she said. "Even if he doesn't care about his family."

Her eyes flashed, burning bright spots into Kururi's sight every time she closed her eyes; and Kururi saw the woman raise one of her soft hands and examine the sharp, gleaming claws protruding out her fingertips.

"He'll be too curious not to."

[PREVIOUS] [NEXT]