#anyway our male dogs are he/him lesbians now

[taibhsearachd]

“Let’s go, lesbians!” has been the way we rally our dogs to bed since before Trinket, our dear son boy, was included in that.

…we now have a single female dog, Olive, and our two apparently he/him lesbians, Trinket and Gilgamesh, bc we continue to use the same rallying cry and the boys fucking love it.

Animals don’t care about gender and this is a powerful thing you can use to your advantage.

[wildestgirls]

Our Last Summer- The Name of the Game

PART TWO RAHAHHHHHH

@not-another-lesbian-stereotype thank u sm for ur soul searching

Word count: 5.8k

Cw: male masturbation 🤭

It wasn't unusual for Sam to get frustrated. He got frustrated at a lot of things, from things like Matthew and James, all the way down to the scars on his body. Now that he was in the Human World, he was able to discover new things to get annoyed over.

What he doesn't usually get though, is sexually frustrated. But then again, doesn't usually doesn't mean never.

He groggily opened his eyes from hearing a groan come from his own mouth. The groan also making the sexy woman who's arms he was laying in, shift closer towards him, accidentally placing her thigh right on his dick.

Fuck, why didn't they change to two double beds again?

Right, Mika was saying something about how this wasn't any different to sleeping together on a couch, and like some puppy obeying it's master, Sam agreed.

Well, he would argue, he was not used to this at all. He was most definitely not used to having Mika's leg pressed against him, so that every slight movement meant that she was grinding against his now apparently rock hard dick, and, having his face smothered between her barely covered boobs.

Not that I'm really complaining, he thought absentmindedly.

God, all this over a stupid fucking dream. Actually no, scratch that, it was an amazing dream.

It was hard to piece together all the details in his horny, tired mind, but he could vaguely make out the thought of Mika in some fucking idiotic two piece swimsuit, riding his dick and crying out, whimpering about how big he was and how good his cock felt.

He pulled himself back into reality with a grunt when Mika's leg teased against his dick again. Shit, how the fuck was he going to sort this out now?

He looked down to see a small wet patch starting to form on his sweat pants. At this rate he was going to cum in his sweat pants all over her stupid, sexy leg.

Absolutely not. He was not going to that pervert who said that nothing would happen if they shared a bed together, only for her to wake up to him grinding against her like a dog.

He gently lifted his arm that was draped over her hip, now annoyed that he was moving further away from her pretty tits. He sat up gently, resting lazily against the headboard and looking over at her.

It still amazed him sometimes that Mika wasn't a succubus with gorgeous looks like that. Sam's breath hitched when she rolled over onto her stomach and lifted her arm up with a grunt, accidentally placed it on his upper thigh, almost like she was searching for him.

He moved his head backwards, with a groan, shutting his eyes from the thoughts of Mika waking up and him deciding to indulge himself in her, kneeling over her and kissing his way down to her beautiful pussy, then eating her out and drinking her up to the sounds of her moaning and screaming, all the way until they got back to Chicago.

But, he's a respectful person so he wouldn't do that, especially after saying himself that he wanted to take this slowly. Not right now anyway.

Right now though, his dick is pulsing and leaking out more precum every second. He has to move now or else he's going to embarrass himself.

He lowered his head down toward Mika's hand and lifted it slowly and gently, trying hard not to press against the silver bracelet he once bought her, until it met his lips and he kissed it softly, before lowering it back down and walking towards the bathroom in the hotel room.

He walked in and quietly shut the door. He looked into the mirror beside him, before pushing himself against the door, leaning his back against it and looking forward.

The air was colder the bathroom, the air now biting at his skin, making his nipples harden. He ran a hand down his neck and over his chest, letting out a shiver. He started lightly tracing down his abs with his other hand, before beginning to palm himself through his sweat pants, leaning the back of his head against the door and grunting.

After a while of teasing himself, he dragged his hand back up over his v-line and hips, lifting the other one from his chest up to his mouth to silence himself. He was already making too much noise, anymore and he might disturb Mika's long sleep.

He reached down past his waistband to his dick and started stroking himself to the thought of his dream.

He thought about what she would be like during sex. Probably starting off shy and nervous, covering herself up and trying to stop his filthy emerald eyes from worshipping her.

He would have to grab her wrists away from the perky tits she was trying to hide, before lifting them up past her head, leaving her tits open to his leering eyes and hot breath.

Fuck.

He would start by kissing down her arms, slowly making his way to her neck, leaving hickeys in his wake. He'd get to her neck, smelling her sweet, fruity perfume, which was now slightly tinged with her scent. He'd get to her pulse and bite down, feeling the way she'd cry out and shiver from both pain and pleasure, closing her eyes at the feeling of his hot tongue tracing over her.

He started stroking himself faster, dragging his thumb over his tip, making him jerk his hips forward and bite back a moan.

After covering her neck with bite marks and hickeys, he'd make his way onto her boobs. He'd move his hands off her wrists, making sure that she knew not to move them. He'd stare at her tits for a few seconds, trying to take in the holy sight before him. It would inadvertently make her self conscious, however, and she'd look away, still being good enough to keep her hands where he told her though.

He couldn't have that, could he?

He'd drag his hand up to her jawline, now facing away from him, trying to hide herself in her arm, before forcing it back to him. He'd keep his hand there just to be sure, lowering himself back down to her tits.

He wouldn't be able to hold back anymore, and would instantly start biting at one of her nipples. He'd bite down, listening to her whimpering and feeling her squirming against him. He'd lift his free hand up from her hip over to her other neglected tit.

He was brought back from his fantasy at the sound of his own moan, his hand starting to glide even faster due to the precum that was covering his dick. He imagined it being Mika's softer, smaller hand instead of his own large, calloused one.

She would start slowly, trying to cover up her own shyness by teasing him. She'd lift her head into the crook of his neck, lightly lapping at the spot where his neck and shoulder met. He'd force her head back up towards his own, bringing her into a hot and messy kiss.

He could feel himself starting to curl over himself from the pleasure, grunts and moans fighting to find a way past his lips. He could feel his orgasm start to build up inside him, almost like burning hot coals stacking on top of one another.

Just a bit more...

He imagined Mika growing tired of his teasing on her breasts, whimpering that he needs to move lower. After smacking his lips one more time on both her nipples, he'd drag his tongue down her stomach, dipping past her belly button, down to her hot pussy.

She'd squirm and try to close her perfect thick thighs, trying to stop him from devouring her. He'd rip her thighs open, throwing them over his shoulders and laying sloppy kisses on them, before shoving his tongue in through her tight hole, unable to contain himself any longer at the sight of her wetness.

At the thought of tasting her delicious juices, the pile of hot coals in his stomach tipped over, sending him into an orgasmic mess. He arched his back up and bit into his hand, trying to stop his silent scream, almost breaking through skin. He felt his hot, sticky cum squirting up rapidly, almost all the way to his chest.

He felt his eyes close over automatically, nearly even crossing over from the strength of his orgasm. He jerked himself one more time, letting out a whimper as the last of his wet cum came out, make him grunt and pant in overstimulation.

After catching his breath, he opened his eyes to the mess on his body.

Fuck, he cums a lot.

He reached over to the towel rack before grabbing one and lightly wetting it under the water. He lifted it and gently started cleaning over his sensitive body.

After cleaning his upper body, his started softly cleaning his stimulated dick, biting his lips, trying to hide his soft whimpers.

After finishing with the towel, he wet it again before placing it on the rack, starting to wash his hands. He looked into his flushed face in the mirror in front of him, before leaning down and splashing his face with cold water.

After what felt like dunking his face in ice, he walked over to dry his face with a different towel. He walked back towards the mirror, leaning his hands against it and looking it the mirror, checking if he looked normal.

He looked... Good, actually.

Even with the scars littering over his arms and shoulders, he didn't have to focus on them anymore. He look towards the door with a chuckle before walking out.

He was kind of startled to see Mika sitting up in bed rubbing her eyes.

"Oh... Um, hey," he said

"Nghh... Good morning," she replied letting out a stretch.

Sam walked over to open the curtains, but then thought better of it, knowing that Mika would probably see the small wet patch on him and walked back into bed.

"How'd you sleep?" He changed the subject.

"Mm, good, I guess, I thought I heard like, I don't know... groaning, or something."

"What? Oh! Um, no there wasn't any noise, it was probably just you!" He hastily explained, a blush beginning to form on his face again.

Mika knitted her eyebrows, about to reply, when Sam was saved by James knocking on the door, asking if they're up, before telling them to get dressed because they were finally going to go to the beach.

Mika shot out of bed with excitement, completely forgetting about how she woke up, much to Sam's relief.

------------------------------------------------------------

By the time the six of them had reached the beach, Mika had completely woken up due to laughter.

It was funny, watching the five of them together. She had grown up an only child, and with both her parents being only children, she was completly by herself sometimes.

With no aunts, uncles, cousins or siblings, it was hard finding that familial bond with someone, especially when her father was so strict with her.

That's why she was so appreciative of the boys. Not only did they show her what a real family looks like, but they made her feel like a part of it too.

So when Damien looked like he had a problem, obviously she would be there to try and help him.

"Really, it's nothing," he said," go down to the water with Sam and Matthew. I'm fine."

Right now the two of them were sitting on a large boulder overlooking the sea. Mika was going over to the water with Sam and Matthew, when she noticed Damien looking upset.

"It is something and you know what it is but you just won't tell me, so hurry up so I can make you feel better!" Mika retorted.

After a few moments of him not talking, she began absentmindedly thinking about how quiet he was being.

"I'm always quiet," he said with a smirk.

"Ugh, oh my God you smartass, you know what I fucking meant." She said murmured, annoyed, giving him a slight shove in the shoulder.

He started giggling for a bit until he eventually quietened for a while, the two of them now sitting in comfortable silence, both of them sitting with their thoughts.

Mika started thinking about what was pestering Damien again, when she heard a sigh come from him.

"Fine," He gave up," Just... promise not to laugh?"

She replied quickly in her mind, unable to hide her happiness of Damien opening up to her.

He gave her a small grin before explaining.

"I'm just... I guess-... Ugh..." He said nervously.

"Oh my God, Damien, are you going to tell me or what?" She said teasingly.

"If you would give me a second." He said sassily. God, it was so easy forgot how much of a little bitch Damien could be sometimes with how innocent he looks.

He took a few more moments before calming down.

"I just... I can't swim. I'm scared of the water."

Mika took a bit to process his blunt confession.

"You're scared of the water? Why?"

He looked at her, knowing that she had good intentions, but still having to take a bit to collect his thoughts.

"I don't want to ruin the mood, you're having fun. I don't want to-"

"No, Damien, don't do that." Mika interrupted, Turing to face him, "I don't care about you, I don't know...ruining the mood or whatever, I do care about you being upset though, so tell me why you're scared of the fucking water... if you still want to."

He looked slightly pensive before speaking his mind.

"...The castle that we used to live in overlooked an ocean named The Decaying Sea."

"Cute name, sounds inviting."

He let out a chuckle before continuing.

"Well, you know how my father used to treat me?"

Mika bristled slightly at the mentioned of the man. She glanced down at Damien's skinny frame, bones still poking out slightly in some places due to malnourishment.

"...yeah."

She didn't know if she wanted to hear this now.

Damien shot her a small smile, letting her know that it was ok, before taking a small breath and recounting the rest of his story.

"Sometimes, when he was really angry at me, he would threaten to throw me into it... the thing is with The Decaying Sea though, is that it's cursed, and anyone that happens to fall into it, can't swim up. They're doomed to drown forever."

Mika's jaw fell in sympathy for Damien, but he continued.

"One time... he was going to drop me in, or he said he was, anyway. He-"

He had to stop suddenly, breath quickly hitching.

Mika instantly lifted a hand to his shoulder, hoping to give him something to focus on that wasn't his disgusting father.

He closed his eyes before taking a deep breath and reaching up to grab her hand back.

He smiled at her sadly, "Please... I have to... I want to."

Mika looked at him with knitted brows, before wrapping her arms around his shoulders, leaning her head in the crook of his neck before sighing.

"If you want to tell me, please do. But if you, like, at any point don't want to talk, just drop it."

Damien looked down slightly at her, feeling his quickly pumping heart begin to relax. He could hear her thoughts, realising how serious she was. He leaned his head lightly against hers before replying.

"I know, thank you... you're really good at hugs too."

She snorted before shuffling closer.

"God Damien, this isn't just for you, you know."

He giggled slightly before looking back to the sea again quietly.

After a deep breath, he continued.

"The tower overlooking The Decaying Sea was full of these stained glass windows. They're were quite pretty actually...anyway, one day... my father got very angry at me and smashed one. Like, completely destroyed it. Then... Then he started choking me and holding me out of it, and all I could hear was those stupid waves, and him thinking that he was happy to finally be getting rid of me."

Mika froze in his arms, before wrapping her own tighter around him. He rested his hand against hers.

"He was just about to drop me in too," he said as he smiled slightly, "But then, Sam and James just walked in while arguing about something stupid. It was crazy! I've never seen James that livid. And God, Sam. He was furious, I'd never seen anyone attack our father until then."

He was now looking at the rock beneath them fondly, remembering how his brothers came to protect him.

"And I know that I'm fine now. I'm here now and I'll never have to go back, and I know it's stupid, there's no magic in the Human World. But I just... keep on going back to that day, I keep on hearing those... stupid waves under me, and knowing what would happen if my father let go." He finally finished.

Mika paused, releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"...wow." she murmured at a loss for words.

"I know, right?"

She lightly raised her head from his neck and looked at him.

"Damien, that is not something to be embarrassed about being scared over... that sounds horrifying." She said, trying to forcefully break the words into his stupid, thick, pretty skull.

He let out a sigh, "Everyone keeps saying that to me. And I understand what they mean, but I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to have to ruin a trip with everyone, just because I can't swim in the water. I... I don't want to be a burden anymore."

Mika sucked in a breath before sitting up and looking at him.

"Damien, listen to me. You are not burdening anyone. Ok? You're probably one of the bravest people I've ever met. Everybody can see how hard you're trying, even down to the smallest things. I know how sometimes it can be hard for you to do things sometimes, like even get out of bed some mornings, but you do it anyway and end up having a great day."

Damien looked at her, lost for words listening to the thoughts in her head trying to let him know that he is worth being here.

She paused for a second before giving him a choice.

"Look, if it's bothering you this much, how about we... go into the water. And I'm not talking like fucking, going for a swim, I can barely swim myself, just standing in it. And I'll be there. What do you think?"

Damien looked at her silently.

"...I hate how right you are."

Mika laughed loudly at his mumble.

"I'm always right," she replied before getting up off their rock, and leaning her hand out towards him.

He smiled slowly at her, grabbing her hand.

They walked forward a few steps, before Damien stopped.

Mika turned back towards him patiently, waiting for him to continue.

"...I do want to it's just-"

"Getting there in the first place?" She finished for him.

He let out a sigh before nodding.

"Trust me, I know how you're feeling, when you guys first moved in- sorry, showed up at my house," she stated, pausing to listen to his quiet chuckle, slowly grabbing his hand and continuing their walk toward the ocean, "I was always so nervous for those stupid fucking dinner parties that my dad made me do. And yeah, obviously it was hard getting ready for them, but still, once they started, it was so much easier than I thought it'd be."

Damien listened to her words along with her thoughts, knowing that she wasn't just telling him random things to try and calm him down, she was was trying to help him.

He was so busy listening to her mind and mouth talking about everything and nothing, that he didn't even notice that his feet were in the water now.

The only thing that pulled him out of his trance was something thrashing in the water a bit away from them, as if it was stuck under Sam's hand.

After a few moments of struggling, Sam laughed and lifted his hand, revealing Matthew choking for breath. Mika and Damien laughed together before walking over to them hand in hand, the water now up to their thighs.

"What the fuck are you doing to him?" Mika questioned, laughing.

Sam looked over at them in shock before trying to hastily explain.

"No right, ok fuck. This is making me look really bad! I promise you he fucking deserved it! He lost!"

The "he" in question was currently wrapping his arms around Mika, as if he was hiding from Sam.

"He's a liar, I was brutally assaulted without question. I never lose." Matthew murmured, pretending to keel over in Mika's arms.

"Oh my fucking god, do you want to see brutally assaulted?! You're such a fucking liar!" Sam screamed at Matthew, before turning to Mika and Damien, trying to explain himself.

"'see those rocks?" He asked before pointing behind himself," the rules are you have to keep on jumping off, higher and higher each time. Matthew was too scared to jump off the top, so he lost, like a bitch."

"So... Because he lost you waterboarded him?" Mika questioned.

"Well... Yeah. He knew what was happening when he decided to play!"

"You said the loser only stayed under for 20 seconds, you liar!" Matthew screamed in defence, turning to face Sam.

"Right ok, Matthew, whatever you say." Sam said with a grin, making Matthew even more annoyed.

"God you are suck a fucking pain! I'm not wasting my time on you anymore," Matthew declared before turning away from Sam to Mika and Damien, "do you two want to play?"

They both looked up at the tall tower of rocks before looking at eachother.

"Matthew..." Damien started," this is my first time in an ocean...ever... What the hell makes you think I'd want to jump off that thing into it?"

"Well aren't you trying to start new things?" Sam jumped in, "look you're already in the water and you're fine, why not jump into it?" He said, in all seriousness.

"Well...maybe, just maybe though...he doesn't want to just in because he can't swim yet, Sam. Have you though of that one, huh?" Mika said sassily.

Sam paused for a second, staring at her, deciding to tease her, rather than Matthew

"...fuck you, Mika, really."

"Fuck you, Sam!" She screamed back at him with a grin, Damien and Matthew giggling.

Sam took a step towards her, water moving around him, and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah?" He challenged.

"Yeah!" She said before him, the two now leaning nearly nose-to-nose.

They both looked into each others eyes, grins on their faces.

"What the fuck are you gonna do about it?" She questioned him with a smile.

He smirked happily at her, before she felt a strong calloused weight against her chest, tipping her over.

She heard herself screech, before being pushed under the shallow water, quickly holding her breath.

The water rushed over her like a shockwave. She hadn't really noticed how cold the water was with the hot sunshine, until her head was underwater. The sensation of ice dripping down deep inside her, almost to her bones filled her. She instantly lept up out of the semi-shallow water and took a breath.

She coughed slightly from the sudden change of water trying to get in her mouth from waves crashing around her, to dry air rushing down her throat. She looked up, now enraged at the brown haired incubus.

He was currently Infront of her, laughing loudly along with Damien and Matthews amused, shocked faces.

"Have a nice swim, doofus?" Sam said proudly.

She looked at him and let out a shocked laugh.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! I'm gonna fucking kill you, you fuck!" She screamed at him, trying to hide her laugh.

She lept towards him, trying to pull him under, when he deftly lept away with a grin, pulling Matthew into his place.

Mika only realised too late that she'd forced the wrong boy underwater, when she realised she was holding a skinnier arm and straddling a slightly smaller frame than the one she was going for.

She was too busy listening to Sam and Damien's now crazy laughter, when she was once again pulled underwater, this time by Matthew underneath her.

This time, she was too shocked to close her eyes from the salt water, and it slightly blinded her with the sting.

She jumped up from the water again, now going for either of the stupid fucks, and grapped somebody else's arm, dragging them under, despite their thrashing.

She then rose up to her legs and rubbed her eyes to clear the water out of them.

Only to realise she'd pulled the one innocent boy down into the water.

Her jaw dropped at seeing Damien's now soaking head of hair rising from the water, and instantly reached down to help him up.

She yanked him up by the arm, the both of them staring at each other now. Mika was about to start screaming her apologies, when Damien started laughing and giggling.

Fuck, she'd never heard him laugh like that.

Her own worried demeanor faded away at hearing his now uncontrollable laughter. She didn't notice Sam beside her, also looking at Damien in concern, before his own worry dissapating at hearing his excitement.

Mika's own laughter was so strong that it made her crouch over, and she turned her head over to the left, seeing Matthew sitting down in shallow water, also laughing and smiling.

After having calmed down from their ribs beginning to hurt, they decided to leave the water to stop any more accidental drownings.

The four of them walked over to James and Erik, making them both look up in surprise.

"...nghh-" Erik mumbled while stretching, looking like he was waking up from sunbathing, "what are your four giggling about?"

Mika, Matthew and Sam looked at Damien, laughing slightly, causing James to look at him closer.

"...why are you so wet?...Were you swimming?!" He questioned, perking up slightly like an excited dog.

"Well, 'swimming' isn't really how I'd put it, but, I guess you could say that, right Mika?" Matthew said.

Mika huffed, a blush coming onto her face.

"I didn't know it was Damien, ok? I couldn't see, which was because of you, by the way! What did you expect?!"

"Wait what?" Erik questioned, now confused.

The three younger brothers giggled at Mika's expense before explaining the while thing.

James and Erik's faces lit up at the story, the former looking at Damien with excitement and pride.

"...well, you're all probably hungry now, and the sunscreen you all put on has probably worn off..." James commented.

"Well, since I'm done with my amazing suntan, do you guys want us two to go and get ice cream? I think I seen a place when we were coming down." Erik suggested.

"What 'amazing suntan'? You look like a piece of paper." Sam commented.

"...do you want ice cream or not, Sam?"

"...yes, please."

"Yeah, I thought so. Put on some more sunscreen unless you want to get sunburnt like Erik. We'll only be ten to fifteen minutes." James told them, before walking away, try to console a now fuming Erik, who was busy walking away, claiming, "I don't burn, don't talk to me like that!"

The other four giggled listening to them bicker as they walked away. They sat together under the shade, making light conversation about anything and everything.

After a while, Sam decided to start looking for the sunscreen, knowing that Damien burned easily.

After a quick, messy search and small apology to James for the sand now lodged in his book, he found the sunscreen and chucked it towards Damien.

Matthew and Damien started taking turns putting it on while Sam joined Mika, who was now following Erik's footsteps and lying on his towel, sunbathing.

God, he didn't notice how her swimsuit looked on her while they were in the water. The barely dried water sticking to her created a shining look on the contours of her body. Was it bad that he wanted to touch her, especially after what he did this morning?

He was lost in his thoughts when he felt a clunk against his head, and yelped.

"Ow! What the fuck?!"

He looked towards the other two, expecting Matthew to be smirking at him, but seeing Damien with his arm extended from the throw with a slight grin on his face, Matthew looking at him confused.

"It's what you get." He simply stated.

Sam's jaw dropped, a furious blush growing on his cheeks, remembering that his mind was being read, and closed his mouth with a grumble.

He started applying sunscreen to himself and when he was finished threw it down to Mika, who deftly started grabbing at it and putting it on.

He looked away, still embarrassed over Damien catching his thoughts, when Mika asked him something.

"Hey, can you do my back? I can't reach."

"Huh? Oh, um...sure."

He moved over to behind her, before whipping his head at Damien and Matthew, who were giggling, again.

"What are you two, five?!"

They cleared their throats before Damien made some excuse about them going on a walk, leaving Mika and Sam by themselves.

Sam sat there, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance at the two, before Mika gently leaned back against his chest, reminding him of what he was doing.

"Can you do my back?" She asked, confused.

"Yeah, sorry..."

She handed him the sunscreen before lifting herself off of him, mourning the loss of his hot, shiny skin.

He put the sunscreen onto his rough hands, before gently lowering them to her back. He moved his hands slowly, trying to get enough time to take all of her in.

She gave small grunts of approval when he started drifting up to her shoulders and going rougher, almost like he was giving her a back massage.

He blushed slightly at her small sounds, feeling her energy forcing itself into him. Shit, she was enjoying this too much.

"Sam..."

Fucking god, she shouldn't say his name like that. He gently lowered the straps of her bikini down, pretending that he was just putting the sunscreen on the space covered by the material.

He smirked at her murmur of displeasure when he lowered his hands from her shoulders, and then creeped them down the smooth planes of her back.

He looked around, seeing Damien and Matthew a ways away from them, and smiled.

He raised his hands up her back again, sneaking his hands under the material of her swimsuit again, right under the bit that was keeping the flimsy thing on.

She whimpered slightly, and he felt her sexual energy grow as she leaned against him again.

"Nghh...Sam...not here..."

"Shhh...I know, pretty..." He leaned his lips to the space where her neck and shoulder met, kissing it and grinning at the slight taste of her sweat and the tacky sunscreen.

He leaned up and kissed her on her blushing cheek, removing his hands from her swimsuit. She was right, they were too out in the open and James and Erik would be coming back any second now.

She giggled lustily and turned towards him, murmuring her thanks.

"What the hell did you call me?" She questioned coyly.

"I called you pretty, you got a problem with it?"

She giggled slightly, gripping her sides with the opposite hands, making her arms inadvertently push her boobs together, making his eyes fall to her chest.

"Eyes up here, dork." She said sassily.

Before they could go any further, Sam turned to his right to see his older brothers walking towards them with ice cream.

Mika huffed and moved away from Sam, but not before sneakily kissing him on the cheek, causing him to whip his face to hers and blush in shock.

She giggled before greeting James and Erik, saying that she'll go over and get Damien and Matthew from their walk.

Sam sat still on the towel, before being handed an ice cream by Erik. After a while, they were all sitting together, planning out what they were going to do when they got back to the hotel. Sam couldn't remember who suggested the going to a club or bar, but when Mika said yes, he also agreed to going, knowing that he wasn't done with her yet.

[rwbyvein]

Firen Lhain: Chapter 704: Shaken:  Part II / III

Blake's head appeared from overtop of the guardhouse atop the tower, looking upside down at Aurora. She was shocked when Aurora looked up at her, though smiled when she saw her smiling face. "You're really good at that."

"Anticipating your mistress' needs is quite important for a servant."

"You are a REALLY good servant." Blake said, her head still upside down.

"I am paid QUITE well for it." Aurora stated. "You seem to be more comfortable." Blake flipped off of the roof and stood in front of Aurora, who was seated at the comms station. Blake looked at her curiously. "You seem more at home."

"Maybe because it is a home." Blake said, and spun about, "Castle?"

"It's not just that," Aurora said to her, "you are more comfortable being a Faunus." Blake gave her a shocked look. "Was it Jaune?" Aurora asked. Blake paused for a moment before lightly nodding. "He has done wonderful things for me as well." Aurora stated, and stood, taking a couple of steps towards her until the two were but a few feet apart, looking into each other's eyes. Aurora then looked out over the parapets and down the mountain beyond. She walked over, and Blake stepped up beside her. The two made their way to the parapets, looking between two of the rocky hills. "Before my mistress hired me, I had been rebuked at every attempt at improving my lot in life. I had worked long and hard to develop my skills, but... was only hired by unsavoury sorts. I honestly don't know why I applied to be her assistant."

"Did you know?.."

"Of course not." Aurora stated, "her father spends a lot of money to make sure that information does not get out."

"Well," Blake said, "it's a good thing you did." She then jumped up to the top of a parapet, sitting like a cat. She looked at Aurora and nodded her head to the other parapet. Aurora simply looked at it, nervously, hesitantly. "I know you can climb." Blake said to her.

"It," Aurora voiced, "doesn't mean I'm okay with heights."

"You wanted to be a CEO and are afraid of a little tower?" Blake asked her.

Aurora slipped off her shoes, felt the parapet with her hands. Her fingera stuck to it, and then her toes, and she breathed in deep before climbing up. Slowly she ascended, until she reached the top, eight feet higher than when she started. She squatted down, ensuring all of her fingers and toes were stuck to the parapet.

"In Menagerie, we have the greatest taboo." Blake voiced.

"There is... one thing..." Aurora slowly voiced, "that all cultures consider taboo..."

"Acting like an animal." Blake said, and Aurora's head snapped over towards her. "We spend all of our lives trying to be Human, but... we're better than Humans." Aurora scowled at her. "I don't mean it in that way. We can do things they cannot. I don't mean that any one person is worth more than another. But, I have cat ears, so I can locate things better than Humans. I can climb and jump better than Humans, and I can see at night better than any Human. Why should we spend so much time focusing on being Human?"

"To guess?," Aurora asked, "to prove to ourselves that we're not just wild animals." She paused for a moment, and turned to Blake, "Do you know what separates people from animals?"

"Uh, tool use?" Blake asked.

"A good answer, but no." Aurora stated, "I watched a video of a crow using the principle of displacement to solve a puzzle."

"Opposable thumbs?" Blake asked.

"Monkeys and Beringels." Aurora stated.

"Aura!"

"Ruby and Yang have a dog, right?" Aurora asked, and Blake instantly, reflexively recoiled. She stood on her feet before Aurora continued, "Now, did he really get launched at high speed into a Paladin?"

"In a fire ball." Blake said, nervously nodding her head.

"Aura?" Aurora asked, and Blake's eyes grew wide with shock.

"Alright?," Blake asked her, "what do you think it is?"

"Cooperation between unrelated males." Aurora said, and Blake looked at her curiously. "No other species has that level of cooperation between them."

"Wolf packs?" Blake asked, thinking about Ruby.

"Families." Aurora said with glee. "No one else has kingdoms."

Blake thought for a moment, ants were all related, and their armies female. A lot of species had groups of females, typically related. Herds weren't cooperative, they just followed each other. She looked over at Aurora curiously.

"The kingdoms are what make us people." Aurora stated.

"But what about Menagerie?" Blake asked.

"Basically a kingdom. None of the kingdoms are really kingdoms anymore."

"We are like a republic," Blake voiced, "sort of. So as long as we maintain social cohesion?," Blake asked, "we'll still be people? That makes a weird kind of sense. Are you sure about this, though?"

"This is what I can gleam from Jaune," Aurora said to her, "who seems to have a vital definition of self. For him, being a Faunus isn't really a thing. Sure, we have traits different from Humans, but that doesn't change our value. Our differences are what define us, not divide us."

"Are you sure you're not into him?" Blake eagerly asked her, head rapidly moving towards her, "like, seriously into him?"

Aurora thought for a moment, "I have a lesbian boycrush on him."

Blake thought for a moment, "That," she voiced, "makes a lot more sense than it should. So, what were you up to?"

"Making contacts." Aurora stated.

"Of course." Blake added.

"I don't have the luxury of being on a honeymoon."

"Are you jealous?" Blake eagerly asked, her head once again lunging towards her.

Aurora smiled before replying, "Of course I am."

"Of course you are..." Blake voiced.

"But," Aurora continued, "don't mistake that as a complaint. I am more content than I have ever been in my life"

Blake just smiled and looked out over the rocky approach. Aurora smiled and joined her.

* * *

Jaune leaned back on the couch with eyes closed. Weiss was elegantly snuggled up beside him, eyes closed as well. Ruby and Yang walked up to them. Weiss opened her eyes, "Can we help you?"

"Ruby and me want to fight."

Jaune's eyes opened, "You mean spar."

"Yeah, that." Yang said, and a pregnant pause followed.

"Can?," Weiss asked, "we help you?"

"We need a place!" Ruby exclaimed.

Jaune's head turned around a few times, "Uh?' he asked.

"Like, flat." Yang said.

"That is a quandary." Weiss stated.

Jaune's eyes unfocused for a moment before refocusing, "Well, I guess we have to use the space we have."

"I guess that makes sense." Yang said, and turned to leave, Ruby eagerly turning to follow her.

"But," Jaune said, and they stopped and turned around. "Two conditions."

"Shoot." Yang stated.

"And they are?" Ruby added.

"One," Jaune said, "when knocked down, the fight stops until you recover."

"I guess that makes sense?" Yang asked.

"But?!" Ruby asked.

"Her fighting style..." Weiss stated.

"Involves ground fighting." Jaune finished, "But until you get comfortable fighting there, that's the rule."

"And if we don't follow the rule?" Yang asked.

"You will be spanked." Weiss quipped.

Both of the sisters just looked at them blankly. "You keep this up, Ice Queen, it might be your pretty little butt that gets whacked."

"I shall endeavour to keep it's integrity." Weiss stated, "Except, well, you know..."

Yang started snickering while Ruby's head and tail nervously moved about.

"And the second?" Weiss asked.

"Have someone to watch you," Jaune said, "to make sure you don't hurt each other."

"What?," Yang asked, "like Ren?"

"Yes." Jaune stated.

* * *

Aurora awkwardly, nervously climbed down the parapet until she was back on the roof.

* * *

Jaune sat on a rocky prominence, Weiss sitting elegantly beside him, looking down at RBY + NR below him. He looked around curiously. "Ilia?" he asked, and she appeared beside him, her skin returning to normal. "And I thought Contrary was bad at that." he voiced, "We're all here!" he shouted, "Alright, here are the rules!"

Nora stood up, augustly inflating her chest, "Says who?!"

"Your king on high!" Jaune bellowed.

"You're not so tall!" Nora shouted at him, which caused Yang to start snickering. "What?" Nora asked her.

"Perhaps because he quite literally is." Ren stated.

"Okay, yeah?," Nora asked, "but he's still sitting?"

"Still taller than you." Ruby said to her.

"A lot of people are taller than me." Nora replied, "I just don't let it bother me."

"The rules are for everyone's safety!" Jaune shouted. "Now, we don't have much of a training area, so we have to use what we have!"

Blake's eyes quickly looked around, Nora craning her neck. "Where is it?!" Nora asked.

"Everywhere!" Jaune stated, "That's the problem. We have a lot of space, it's just a bit uneven."

"And a high grade!" Weiss added.

"I don't know what makes you think it's so good?!" Nora asked.

"She means steep." Ren stated.

"It is kind of steep." Nora replied.

"This is the terrain we have!" Jaune continued, "Which, would teach us to fight better on uneven terrain! Anyways, rules! Rule 1, you need a referee!"

"For like points?," Nora asked, "because, like, I'm really bad at that!"

"No!" Jaune simply stated, "To make sure we don't get hurt. If the ref tells you to stop, you stop."

"That seems too easy?" Nora asked, "What's the catch?!"

"The what?" Jaune asked.

"She is waiting for the other shoe to drop!" Ren shouted with a bright smile.

"Stop when the other person gets knocked down!" Jaune shouted. "As long as we have enough aura to take the fall... and a bit of rolling down the hill, we'll be fine. Worst thing that's going to happen?," Jaune asked, "is I break my antlers, and I'm not going to get too worried about it. I just don't want to see anyone get hurt."

"Except him." Yang stated.

"Exactly." Jaune replied.

[chilledplantmum]

IF YOU FEEL TRIGGERED OR FEEL SIMILAR IN ANYWAY YOU DESERVE BETTER YOUR LIFE MATTERS YOU DESERVE BETTER!

Help numbers:

Life line: 13 11 14

Men’s help line: 1300 789 978

Beyond blue: 1300 22 4636

1800 RESPECT

Kids helpline: 1800 55 1800

And

CONTENT WARNING: suicide, mental health, abuse of women and children, death, rape, sexual assault, racism, ableism, sexism, homophobia.

You know what does my absolute head in?

This:

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: it’s a baby from conception

WOMEN: okay cool awesome I’ll agree but if I agree to that then my miscarriage gets to have a birth certificate, a death certificate and a name?

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: Ohhhhh but a miscarriage isn’t a baby if you have a stillbirth you're a murderer.

WOMEN: Butttt there’s not enough funding or research to prevent it.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: But the thing is you’ve got to keep your legs closed to prevent pregnancy

W: can I have birth control?

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: and we will make birth control illegal.

W: Okay so can men take birth control?

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: Nope sorry it’s too hard on their mental health.

W: Okay so I can I get my tubes tied.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: Nooo you might want kids and you need your husband's permission it’s not your body it’s his body too.

W: Okayyyy then but I don’t like men I’m a lesbian.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: no sorry no tubes tied it’s not worth the risk to your future babies and your non-exsistant change when your not gay anymore.

W: Okay cool but can I donate my body parts when in dead.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: You can sign up but your family or husband says no, then no we can’t take your organs.

W: Okay but I’m going to die if I carry a baby.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: No sorry it’s a baby from conception and you're a murderer if you choose to abort.

W: Okay then can you tell men not to rape me.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: Sure as long as you don’t lie and ruin his career.

W: Okay I promise not to hurt men.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: Good.

W: But what if he takes the condom off and I don’t notice.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: You asked for it you should have kept your legs closed. And when did I approve condoms? Ehem it feels weird with condoms.

W: okay I’m pregnant can I have some help with the money I have blood clots in my lungs and I’m bed bound.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: The Audacity! if you go on welfare your a drain on the system a drug addict and don’t deserve anything and you had the kid because you’re too lazy to work, they call it the baby bonus for a reason and you took advantage of it.

W: But I’m 10 and my uncle raped me.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: 1. You should have kept your legs closed

2. You probably did something to piss him off.

3. You need a court order to have an abortion and

4. You can deal with the protesters calling you a murderer and giving you death threats.

W: But I’m 10.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: A life is a life.

W: Okay I don’t want to live anymore this is too painful for a 10yo.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: You are sooo selfish to imagine killing a baby like that? You’re so selfish it’s the cowards way out.

W: Okay I choose to give birth but I had a miscarriage.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: Prove it.

W: what Umm how?

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: You’re smart you’ll work it out. Otherwise, I’ll charge you with murder.

W: my boyfriend pushed me down the stairs.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: excuse me? That is a good guy, the whole community loves him there’s no way he would snap you must have done something to provoke him.

W: well I yelled at him for cheating on me and slapped him on the face.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: well there you abuse happens to men too I’m charging you with abuse.

W: Okay I proved I miscarried. can the baby that I decided to live to have a birth certificate.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: No it never lived it wasn’t a person.

W: Why? you said it’s a life from conception.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: Yes correct but it died before 20 weeks.

W: but...

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: no buts that’s the law.

it never took a breathe it wasn’t a real person.

W: Okay I’m a grieving mother.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: Wrong again you never gave birth to a living child you’re not a mum.

W: Okay I’m pregnant again because my partner who I trusted refused to wear a condom.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: what did I say about condoms?

W: can you ask the father to pay. I don’t want to be on welfare with a kid.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: Nope prove he’s the father because he never signed the birth certificate.

W: Okay can you ask him for a paternity test?

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: No he won't give consent.

W: okay can you fund my childcare so I can go back to work so I can start contributing to society, also building up my superannuation.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: hard no we are trying to rebuild the economy.

W: can you adopt the baby. I’m can’t do this anymore. I’m getting bigger and bigger as all I can afford is noodles.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: obesity is a choice, how dare you neglect your child’s dietary needs, go for a walk.

W: please I’m tired I need help I’m in debt up to my eyeballs, the banks won’t give me money and I’ve pawned everything I own.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: No. Just No. you asked for this.

W: Okay I’ve killed myself can you donate my organs.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: No your parents said no and you’re going to hell.

W: Can I rest now.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: No your a demon and you can burn in hell.

W: Okay can you tell the guy who raped me he at least did the wrong thing?

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: Nope you’re wearing a short skirt and tube top he can’t control himself. He’s a good bloke.

W: But my male dog knows how to sit-stay and when I put his favourite food in front of him he won’t eat it unless I give consent.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: Are you comparing men to dogs?

M: Well no...

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: not all men are dogs how dare you to generalize a whole gender. Not all men are like this! Men are so forgotten when it comes to abuse.

W: But but but I love men, my best friend took her boyfriend to the psychologist but he killed her because his mates called him a pussy.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: Nope shut your legs, be quiet and go back to the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

W: I can’t I’m dead and burning in hell and me and my best friend are drinking cocktails and dreaming about how we can firemen into the sun.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: how dare you joke about killing men! Your grandfather died fighting for our freedom!

W: yer he’s here to giving me a cuddle and having a beer and shaking his head at how much of a wanker you are.

CIS WHITE OLD MAN: how’d he die? A man who served in the army should never be in hell?

W: someone coughed on him in the aged care center and he died from COVID 19.

CIS WHITE OLD Man: but why is he in hell?

W: he decided to join me because not all men are twats.

🤦🏼‍♀️

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Marvel’s Dobson: Infinity PTSD

In case you wonder why I personally think Dobson is an idiot, here is one (of many) reason(s): Dobson takes the wrong things way more serious than he should.

 On one hand, he will belittle people e.g. to think about the new Pokemon starters more than about current events in real life…

But then he will also throw fits at something like a silly add slogan by Burger King, calling it sexist crap and that the company should be ashamed of it.

 Belittle lesbian teenagers for not taking “KorraSami” as something serious and progressive as he does…

Or in case of Marvels “Infinity War”, believe that the movies ending would be ptsd inducing.

I am not kidding. What you see here is a tumblr post Dobson made up shortly after he watched Infinity War in May of 2018, making it known that he is scared that the movie could be traumatic for people on a global scale.

Which was laughable back then and is even more so in the year 2021, when we actually go through a global trauma in form of Covid-19. Making me also believe, that Dobson, despite claims of suffering from depression and his own form of PTSD, has absolutely no idea what a trauma really is and that despite all his whining over the years, he must have one of the most privileged and easiest lives on the planet, if he thinks a superhero movie is going to be as traumatizing as certain real world events. At least the way the post is worded implies, that Dobson seriously believes seeing Spiderman and other Marvel heroes bite the dust (so to speak) has the same effect as e.g. witnessing 9/11 play out live or being involved in an actual war.

Don’t get me wrong, I know of the reactions people had at Infinity War and the infamous Snap scene. I myself was in a theater where a bunch of kids started to cry when Starlord died. And I do understand that reaction. Because unlike Dobson, I am not just using my brain to whine about things not pandering to my fetishes.

I know, that the MCU and its characters have grown on people over the years, myself included. So when we as an audience watch the world and characters we care about get destroyed as Thanos does to Knowhere, Gamora and so many more, we have an emotional reaction to it. I myself was not distraught, but genuinely surprised that when Thanos snapped his fingers, as many heroes died as we saw on screen. Sure, knowing the comics and that Infinity War was just part one of a two part Avengers Finale of phase 3, I knew the snap would happen. In fact, I even hoped for it to happen, cause I love badass villain moments and Thanos was a favorite of mine long before the movie. Not because I am a space fascist, but because I enjoy threatening villains and stakes in my stories, unlike certain people.

I just didn’t expect that after all the hype Marvel created for certain heroes over phase 2 and 3, especially Black Panther, they would do something as “radical” and kill as good as 95% of all heroes introduced in phase 2 and 3 off. Wakanda forever? Not according to this movie.

But I digress. Point is, I will give Dobson the following: Yes, the movie’s ending has obviously caused people to have a sad emotional reaction to it, because at the end of the day, we will react with sadness when we see someone we care about die. But guess what: So have many other movies over the course of cinematic history.

 Do I really need to remind people (and by people I mean braindead idiots) of stuff like Jack dying at the end of Titanic and watching the ship sink, Mufasa being thrown off a cliff, that one horse from Never Ending Story in the swamp, certain scenes of “Who framed Roger Rabbit”, that scene of the dog put down in “Marley and &Me” and so on? You know, stuff most of us remember as having watched in our childhood only for us as adults to joke how this shit traumatized us?

Okay, it may have at least to some degree in so far as that we remember those movies in parts because of those scenes. I think there have been a few kids not wanting to go into the water to swim for quite some time after watching Jaws. But guess what: Most people get over stuff like that, because somewhere down the line they realize it is just a movie or that those sad/scary parts are actually in their own way “fun”/good and helped us appreciate the story we watched even more. And all Infinity War is, is just another movie in a long line of such flics, while also being the culmination of a decade long multipart movie project by Disney to get the most profits out of superhero movies possible.

Furthermore, I doubt there is or ever was going to be everlasting damage, seeing how “Endgame” was going to happen anyway and has been out for almost two years. Meaning all the “drama” of Infinity War in 2018? Dealt with. All the people that turned into dust are alive again and well thanks to the Dragon Balls- I mean Infinity Stones, which is more than can e.g. be said about Bambi’s mom. So if your kid starts crying because Thanos won when you let them watch Infinity War? Make sure to put Endgame in almost immediately to show them their heroes are not dead. Just hope the kid is not a fan of Iron Man or Black Widow, cause they are the only superheroes of the bunch who are going to join Old Yeller and Co in the everlasting realm of fictional character deaths to “fuck up” your kids.

Which btw is the other thing worth pointing out: See, I can imagine kids having the most negative reaction to watching the Snap play out. Because most kids will not know as many media as adults and are on average not exposed to as much violence or “traumatic” events in the stuff they watch/consume or in real life (hopefully). And lets face it, Infinity War has some “brutal” scenes in it. Thanos choking Loki, Thanos getting stabbed, Thanos getting an axe in his torso, Thanos throwing Gamora of the cliff, everyone getting blown with the wind etc.

But the way Dobson words it, he believes that adults too will react to it negatively, to the point they may need therapy. To which I say, no. If most children can deal with Infinity War, so will even more adults. Personally I think the only person “traumatized” by Infinity War was Dobson himself, because if his history in regard of movies and media he consumes is any indication, he is a pantsy who likely pisses his knickers at animated Halloween specials despite being now almost 40.

Even others called him out on it, but Dobson, the manchild that he is can’t acknowledge that he may have overreacted to it and still believes this movie is a horrifically traumatic experience, based on some youtubers overreacting for the sake of clicks.

Last but not least, where was that kind of reaction by Dobson when Man of Steel came out? You know, the movie where the fight scenes in Metropolis were actually called out by many people in the media of being triggering for people who experienced 9/11.

Seriously though, if Dobson thinks Infinity War’s ending is traumatizing, I just have to ask the following things:

a) how many mainstream western comics has he actually ever bothered to read, cause on average even worse shit can happen in them to heroes than seen in Infinity War (just ask people who read “Cry for Justice”)

b) if Infinity War is already that traumatizing for you, how did you expect to ever be a decent story creator yourself, cause obviously you can’t see characters actually suffer? Except of course when they are straight males abused by redhead pirates.

c) Just as a personal opinion: Better turn into dust than to be inflated and popped, Catty!

[taramaclaywasaterf]

Opinion on the nikkie tutorials situation 👀

Oof ok so I didn’t know who this dude was before everything went down, and I didn’t care enough to look heavily into it at first. I didn’t really realize just how massive of an audience he had, or how many people would be talking about it. But then I got this ask and curiosity got the better of me lol

First off, I didn’t watch his “coming out” video or whatever, because I really don’t feel like listening to some dude mansplain womanhood to me for however long. I have read a bunch about it ever since this anon peaked my interest though.

It’s also really important to reiterate that I didn’t know who he was before all of this, so it’s physically impossible for me to look at him and objectively say whether he passed before or not (not that it matters, a dude is still a dude, regardless of what he looks like.) I’ve only known him these past, like, 48-ish hours as a man, so of course that’s all I can see/hear, and it genuinely wouldn’t be fair to sit here and say I could clock him had I not known. He’s clearly got A LOT of surgery and transitioned younger than most TIMs, so he’s got all that in his favor, plus he seems to have a naturally softer face for a male. His weight also definitely helps smooth out and somewhat camouflage some of the harsher male features.

That said...yeah. Knowing he’s a man right off the bat, it’s all I see. Like, that’s a whole ass Augustus Gloop lookin dude.

I will also say that I think it’s absolutely disgusting that he was blackmailed into coming out. Like...I don’t care who you are, where you stand politically, radfem, libfem, whatever...that shit is never ok. It’s genuinely upsetting and very scary, and my heart does go out to him. If he was a straight TIM in drag, I’d feel much differently, but seeing as he’s a gay man whose just been outed to the world...all I can do is hope he has a good support system around him. But that’s where my sympathy for him begins and ends.

All that said, I know what you’re really here for, so I’m not gonna keep yall waiting any longer....holy FUCKING shit am I sick of these dudes thinking that playing with goddamn Barbie dolls as a kid makes them women. I played in the fucking mud and ate bugs as a kid. That doesn’t make me a dude anymore than liking dresses and makeup makes him a woman. These men are so blatantly, unabashedly misogynistic that it makes me sick. Not to mention, transing children because they’re GNC is flat out conversion therapy. Its castrating young children because they show signs of being gay because they’re GNC, all before they even know what homosexuality is. It’s pure fucking evil.

And the fact that he’s been lying to his boyfriend this whole time? Jesus fucking christ. I just...I’m livid. The lesbian and gay community has been fighting for decades to prove we aren’t these evil sexual deviants who prey on poor wittle innocent straights and get off on “infecting” heterosexuals with our gayness. And then these pathetic fucking perverted freaks come along just as we finally start to get some tiny fragment of acceptance, and they fucking destroy it for us.

This man is being fucking celebrated as “brave” and “stunning” for outright admitting to being a fucking rapist. He raped his boyfriend, and is getting praised for it, with no regard for the fact that he’s now putting his boyfriend and gay men in ACTUAL danger- and not the made up, imaginary kind of danger that trans”women” love to tell stories about.

I’m also very curious to see how many women peak because of this whole thing. I scrolled through his twitter to see reactions, and it was flooded with clearly well-meaning normie women asking genuine, good-intentioned questions...only to be attacked and dog-piled by a bunch of vile TIMs and pathetic handmaidens for not using the ~*correct*~ language. Like, I’m talking about cruel, personal, misogynistic attacks from these men, all because these women dared to ask a “wrong” question.

Anyway, yeah. That’s my opinion on the whole thing...sorry for it being so long, anon, but I kinda have a tendency to ramble lol. I hope it was at least somewhat coherent, but I’m currently sick with some type of cold and really don’t feel good, so my head is kinda fuzzy lol

~

........oh, and I mean...c’mon...it’s uncanny, right?!!:

[evengayerpanic]

Hello! First of all, love your fics. ♥️ Waiting patiently for the next chapter of Trains and Paasengers.😊 Is it okay to give a writing prompt? Hahaha! Like how Ellie and Aster's world will collide with Will and Vivian's. :) Maybe they're in the same city and they needed a doctor or even Ellie becoming a doctor under the guidance of Will. Or even the art world will introduce Aster to Vivian. Hahaha they just seem cute together and all the gut feels it will bring.

Writing prompts are always welcome to give, thank you so much for your kind words about my work! I should have the last chapter of Trains and Passengers up in a few days or so! I really hope that you enjoy what I’ve done with your prompt! It was a lot of fun to write, I adore Wil and Vivian, Alice Wu does an amazing job making her characters come to life.

_________________

“Tell me again who we’re having dinner with, baby, one of your students?” Wilhelmina Pang peered over towards the bathroom where her beautiful wife was half-dressed, desperately trying to finish curling her hair and applying the last touches of her make-up.

Vivian Shing looked up in the mirror, making eye contact with Wil as the latter did the buttons of her blouse up, rolling her sleeves just slightly - the way Vivian liked it. “Aster Flores.” She replied, setting down her curling iron and reaching for the tube of lipstick. “She’s the painter we hired to do the magic forest backdrops for our spring recital.”

“I see.” Wil smirked, adjusting her collar, before moving to Vivian’s side as the woman struggled to reach behind her for the zipper. “I got it, sweetheart.”

Vivian beamed, turning to face her wife with a blush of gratitude as Wil did her dress up for her. “I think you’ll love her, she’s a fantastic painter. She’s so very innovative, and she is just absolutely brilliant.”

“You used to think that I was brilliant, too.” Wil teased.

With a teasing grin, Vivian leaned in until she was pressed against her wife, faces inches from each other. “Yes, that was before you became a Mother. Now you’re boring, and no fun... I mean our bed time is nine-thirty at night, just how lame is that?”

“You’re the one who falls asleep during Jeopardy.”

“You’re the one that makes me watch Jeopardy, no wonder I fall asleep, Wil.” Vivian smiles, leaning up and kissing her wife’s nose gently, pulling back to look at her. “You aren’t jealous, are you, my love?”

Wilhelmina shakes her head, but it isn’t convincing.

“She’s twenty-two, and we’re going to dinner with her AND her girlfriend, you have nothing to worry about.”

Wil makes a face that Vivian can’t help but laugh at. Her voice playfully hurt-sounding as she protests. “I wasn’t worried anyways.” Her face grows soft as she wraps her arms around Vivian’s waist and draws her in closer. “Besides, you’re mine, even if I have to chase you down in an airport again to keep you here.”

Vivian laughs, brushing the lock of hair that fell from Wil’s ponytail behind her ear. “This time you better kiss me then when I ask you too.” She teases her.

Right before Wil can remind Vivian of all the times she’s kissed her since then, the door bursts open and three little bodies race into their bedroom, practically jumping at each other as they dive on Wil and Vivian.

“Mama! Bowen is teasing me!” Wilhelmina is pounced on by her four year old daughter, the little girl wraps her arms around her mother and wails into her.

“Nuh uh!” The six year old boy immediately retorts, shaking his head as his twin copies his movement.

“She’s telling a fib!” Bence, always the one to escalate the situation, immediately yelps. He sticks his tongue out at his little sister if only to prove her right.

Vivian sees this and immediately scolds him, a warning in her voice as she gives him the look that only mother’s can give. “Bence, leave Mei alone.”

The boy sulks, but only for a moment as Wilhelmina reminds their three young and rambunctious children gently, “You better be good, Nai Nai is coming to watch you, and she’s bringing Caihong.”

The children immediately stop bickering and begin to cheer. While Nai Nai is not their favourite grandma (they claim that their Lao Lao is nicer), all three children absolutely adore their Mama’s little sister Cai.

As Caihong has gotten older, she’s less inclined to play with her niece and nephews, instead choosing to be with her friends. However, Wil and Vivian plan on being out late tonight, and there’s no way that Wil’s Mother would leave her twelve year old unattended at night, so the child has to come along to babysit.

Wilhelmina is happy for her kids, but also feels bad for her poor sister who’s likely going to be delegated to being the children’s play toy for the entire evening.

Vivian smiles at Bowen and Bence, sitting down on the edge of the bed and letting the two boys climb into her lap to press kisses to her cheeks, waving Mei over as well so that Wil can finish tying her tie.

“So what’s the girls name?” Wil asks, her ears perking up as their doorbell rings and the children all sprint towards it excitedly. “The name of your painter?”

_________________

“Aster Flores!” The brunette young woman perks up, holding her hand out to Dr. Wilhelmina Pang with an earnest smile. “And this is my girlfriend, Ellie Chu!”

Wil takes her hand and shakes it, before turning to shake the other girls hand as well. “Nice to meet you, Aster. My wife speaks highly of you and your work.”

The young woman blushes slightly as Ellie responds for her. “Aster has plenty of good things to say about Vivian as well. She really enjoys working with her.”

The two women nod their heads at each other, before Wil tries to spark up a conversation. “So what do you do for work, Ellie, are you a painter as well?”

“Oh no.” Ellie stammers. “I’m nowhere near talented enough to paint like Aster does, I’m a junior editor.”

Wilhelmina looks at Ellie like she understands exactly what she’s talking about. “I know. Sometimes when I see Vivian dance, I feel like I’m super untalented.”

Ellie immediately perks up. “I once saw Aster paint a meadow of flowers in about four hours!” She pauses hesitantly. “Sometimes I can barely correct the mistakes in an article in that amount of time.”

The two women begin to gush about how talented the loves of their lives are, excusing themselves to go grab the ladies a drink. Aster and Vivian watch after them, amused smirks settled on both their faces.

“So I think I just noticed something...” Vivian trails off as the women get further away, matching white button-ups and near identical hair styles making it difficult to tell where Wil ends and Ellie begins.

Aster nods her head, feeling a little like she’s in the twilight-zone as the women both cringe when the male bartender speaks to them. She can tell they’ve just been hit on from the way that Ellie - or wait, maybe it’s Wil - she can’t tell from a distance due to the outfit they both decided to wear despite having never met before, steps back and Wil - or maybe it’s Ellie - hesitantly hands over the money for the drinks. “We’re dating the same person, aren’t we?”

“Well not exactly...” Vivian trails off, hearing Wil and Ellie both begin to awkwardly laugh at the bartender and also laugh a little at themselves. “I think that I’m technically married to the person that you’re dating.”

Aster wordlessly holds her hand out to Vivian, a small engagement ring sitting on her finger, her mouth still slightly open as she watches the two interact. Finally she turns slightly to Vivian. “She surprised me last night with this ring, so we’re engaged now.”

Vivan’s eyes widen, both at Aster’s news but at the fact that the two are getting along like they’ve known each other forever, despite it being less than five minutes. “Congratulations Aster! I’m so happy for you both...” She pauses again as the girls turn to walk back to them with drinks. “This is still really weird though.”

Aster nods in agreement. “Definitely weird.”

_________________

“And then I had to tell Paul that just because he has a key to our place, doesn’t mean he can come over unannounced and not expect to see something he doesn’t want too.” Ellie rolled her eyes as the table started laughing, Aster going pink in the ears.

“My Mom and neighbour Jay are like that, they’ve definitely walked in on a few things that they regret.” Wil smirks at Vivian, her wife smacking her in the arm lightly with a laugh as she also blushed with Aster.

“We took both of their keys away.” Vivian admits.

The four of them enjoy a nice dinner together, a few bottles of wine are opened and the conversation is all over the place; anecdotes from all four of their careers, full rants about how people treat lesbians and bisexual women, and even a few comments about the children that Vivian and Wilhelmina have.

It’s nice being able to talk to the younger couple about the process they went through with the kids, how Vivian carried the twins and then Wil was the one pregnant with their youngest. It’s too early for Aster and Ellie to think about having kids, but they still seem interested in asking details for the future.

They even laugh about their significant others attention to details when it comes to decoration.

“I swear, Vivian gets so crazy about decor, she made me paint our daughters room about six different shades before it was finally the right colour!”

“Aster made me move all of our living room furniture three times until it ‘felt right’, I was exhausted!”

“Wil’s favourite colours are so muted, if it weren’t for the kids being around I think we’d look like we were living in a black and white movie or something!”

“I told Ellie to go find some art for our office, her only decorating job, she came back with a horse picture and an actual dogs playing poker painting.”

They laugh when hearing about Ellie and Paul’s antics in writing Aster love letters, the story much funnier now that the hurt and betrayed feelings are gone.

“So, here I am, getting proposed to by my high school boyfriend in my Dad’s church in front of the entire town, and Ellie, just decides to scream out, ‘No!’”

Ellie blushes bright red, embarrassment written clear over her face until Vivian comes to her defense slyly.

“I think it’s cute. This one...” She nudges Wil with her elbow playfully, a smirk on her face, “Wouldn’t even kiss me in a crowded airport to prove her love.”

Wil rolls her eyes back at her wife. “Baby, we’ve been married ten years and have three kids... We got over the airport thing! Besides, I’ve kissed you in plenty of airports since then.” She shares a look with Ellie.

“Two airports.” Vivian teases. “Once during our honeymoon, and then again last summer when we took the kids to Disney Land.”

Ellie glances back at Wilhelmina. “Don’t worry, when I proposed last night, Aster waited a whole two minutes looking around our apartment, before finally turning to me and saying she was waiting to see if anyone would scream ‘No!’ this time around.”

“Remind me again why we put up with this?” Wil glances back at Vivian, only to feel her heart swell like it did all those years ago, and she doesn’t even need to hear Ellie’s answer, but she still humours her.

“Because... Women.” Ellie answers plainly, her own heart swelling as she grabs Aster’s hand and squeezes it, the smile Aster gives her lighting up the room.

“Ah yes, women. Good reason.”

_________________

By the time dessert is over and the bill has been brought; Wil and Ellie have made plans to meet for dinner again the next time the loves of their lives are stuck at work, they’ve also planned to take the kids to a musical in a few weeks, Aster and Vivian not welcome to attend because they’re ‘judgey’.

“Last time we went to a play, you said the set looked like it had been painted by a five year old, Aster!”

“No, I said that I had done better at five years old.”

“You almost got us thrown out of Mei’s ballet class, I’m not letting you get us kicked out of this, Viv!”

“That woman was teaching our daughter all wrong!”

As they leave to return home for the night; Wilhelmina and Vivian to their hopefully sleeping babies, Aster and Ellie to their cat Idgie Threadgoode, there is a round of hugs and handshakes between the couples. Surprisingly, Ellie and Wil are the ones to hug, while Aster and Vivian laugh and shake hands.

“Hey, El?” Wil smiles as the younger girl opens the door for her fiancee. “I’m really glad that your fiancee paints really detailed and talented set pieces.”

Ellie smiles back. “And Wil? I’m really glad your wife is talented and creative enough to have created her own unique ballet so that my fiancee can paint her really detailed and talented set pieces.”

[jenomark]

Chapter 1

○Pairing: College!Mark x Reader (Female) ○Other Members/ Characters: Renjun ○Genre: fluff & a little angst ○Warnings: One of the characters dialogue tends to be a little offensive at times. It’s all things I’ve heard spoken to me, or to my friends. I kept it in because she reminds me a lot of people I’ve experienced in my life, and I draw my inspiration from shitty people like that. ○Word count: 2,356

→Summary: A new school, no friends, and a boy who unexpectedly runs into you and changes everything.

______________________________________________________________

“It’s your first day of college,” he said. “A new time to make friends, hate your professors, and figure out that life is meaningless and we’re all going to die.”

  You weren’t paying attention to your best friend, Renjun. You leaned against your mother's car and looked across campus. Everything looked exactly how it did in the movies, right down to the idiots coupled together, trying to pick up girls and failing.

 “I don’t want friends.” you said.

  Renjun sighed. He had been your best friend since you were a child. You met because he peed his pants in the third grade and blamed it on you, which made all the kids laugh at you. You harbored a hatred for him for the longest time until you realized that he was just as much of a misfit as you were. From then on, you banded together to take on your formidable years, with neither of you leaving each other’s side. Until now.

 “I don’t like this either, you know,” he said. “I have to go to a new place and pretend I like people. Do you know how hard that is? “

You smiled. “Should have came here with me.”

“I’m too smart for this school.”

  You took your water bottle from the hood of the car and threw it at him. It missed him by an inch and sailed down the sidewalk. Your mother scolded you and made you chase after it, which made Renjun laugh so hard he had to clutch his stomach.

“We’ll text every day, “ he said. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

  Looking at him started to make you feel misty-eyed, so you turned your attention back to the hoards of other freshman milling about. Some were crying and hugging their parents, others were ready to begin their new journey. You weren’t quite sure which category you would fall under.

“All set?” your mother asked.

“Not really.”

“She is.” Renjun said.

  You felt your mother hug your side. She was always awkward with affection, just like you. You hugged her back and let go quickly so no one else would see. No one was paying attention to you, anyway. You looked around and saw a boy standing by a tree. His mother was doting on him, wiping the sides of his mouth with her fingers. 

“That’s embarrassing,” Renjun. “Do you want me to do that for you?”

  Renjun licked a finger and made a move to wipe your face. You dodged out of the way and put distance between him and you. 

“Say your goodbyes,” your mother said. “I have a lot of things to do today.”

  The laugh lines on Renjun’s face disappeared. His eyes looked wet, but you couldn’t be sure. The closer you moved towards him for a hug, the harder it was to keep your feelings under control. You towered over him by two inches, your body perfect for holding his. He never liked when you treated him like a baby, but just this once, he let you lead the hug.

“I don’t want to go.” he whispered.

“I don’t want you to go,” you said. “Promise me you won’t forget about me when you make your new nerd friends. Come up and visit me when you can, okay?”

“Of course.”

  You let him go. He held on for a little bit longer. There was never anything romantic between you, but sometimes you wished there had been. You could be one of those girls who married their highschool sweethearts and stayed in one place the rest of her life, a baby permanently attached to one hip, a yappy dog by her feet. Renjun would come home from work and hang his keys on the hook and remark about how clean the house looked. Life could have been easier and perhaps a bit more sexist.

“It’s going to be okay,” he said. “You’re strong.”

  Your mother gave you a little wave and got into her car. You were never that close. Since your dad left, her style of parenting was to let you self-soothe. Sometimes, it worked well, and other times, it didn’t. 

“Am I?” you asked.

Renjun nodded. “I’ve raised you well.”

  You touched foreheads. To any outsider, it looked like lovers saying goodbye. To the both of you, it was family letting each other go.

“This feels weird.” you said.

“The forehead touching, or having to say goodbye?” he asked.

  You unglued yourself from each other. You wanted to laugh, to push away the pain, but there was something about the way he looked at you that made it hard for you to do anything. You were lost in his eyes, in the way his lips turned down into a frown. 

“Both.” you said.

  Renjun went in for a brisk hug. He squeezed you tight, little wisps of his hair brushing against your ears. When he let go, a wave of dread washed over you. Goodbyes were difficult.

“Not everything has to change,” he said. “You’ll see. We can make it through this.”

You weren’t so sure.

                                          --------------------------

  Navigating college life felt overwhelming. You moved through the campus at an alarming rate, trying to function on three cups of coffee and a million assignments. Your roommate didn’t like you much. She disappeared during the day so she didn’t have to spend time with you. At night she put her headphones on, blasting kpop loud enough for you to hear it. Her hot boyfriend came over on the weekends and they had sex when they thought you were sleeping. You didn’t understand half the etiquette of college life, and when you felt like you were finally getting the hang of it, you realized that you still had no friends.

   You missed home. Renjun texted every other day. He sent pictures of him enjoying life with his new male friends, without you. Occasionally, he video called,  and you had to force a bright smile onto your face. You lied a lot and told him you made friends, and that college life was the only life you would know from here on out. He seemed happy for you. 

“I’ll visit soon!” he said. “But for now, I have to go, okay? I’m playing this game where the sole objective is to not get captured by aliens. How fucking cool is that?”

“Very cool.” 

  Renjun ended the call. You stared at your reflection in the screen until your roommate came in, her long hair flying behind her. She slammed the door and threw herself onto her bed.

“What were you doing?” she asked. “You look guilty.”

  Having an existential crisis where I don’t know if I want to cry, or throw myself out of our window.

“Nothing,” you said. “I’m doing nothing. Is everything okay? Were you crying?”

“Me and my boyfriend broke up,” she said. “He said I’m too needy. Me? Needy? He must have me confused with some other bitch.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“I should just become a lesbian. It has to be easier, right?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Wait. You’re not a lesbian?” she said, leaning up. “ You’re straight?”

“I mean, sexuality is a complicated thing. I don’t believe the word straight should define you I-”

“-Yeah, you’re definitely straight,” she said. “Well, do yourself a favor and avoid the boys at this school because they’re all trash.”

  You were tempted to blast the music from those damn kpop boys she got you interested in, but thought better of it. You weren’t the best at dealing with other peoples life problems. Besides, when you felt sad, all you wanted to do was be alone. You started to leave when she looked over at you and wiped her eyes.

“Can you get me something sweet from the cafeteria? Maybe a doughnut?” she asked. “I don’t want anyone to see me like this.”

“Sure.”

  You got out of there as fast as you could. As you were walking down the hall, you felt your pockets for your wallet, but it wasn’t there. You looked back towards the dorm room and thought about the blubbering mess waiting for you. You would rather chew off your arm then go back in there where she was having feelings. You weren’t obligated to buy her anything. You could just walk around until she fell asleep. As you decided on what to do, you turned around and bumped into a boy who was walking at full speed. He knocked both of you to the ground, books and papers flying in every direction.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, holding his head.

“It’s okay,” you said. “I’ve always wanted to know what it would be like to clean these disgusting floors with my body.”

  You leaned against the wall and held your head, too. You expected him to respond, but his eyes were scanning the papers scattered across the floor. You studied his face. He was kind of attractive in a cute way, but that isn’t why you couldn’t stop staring. His expression was full of worry, his brows nearly knitted together. You swept your eyes over the circular glasses he wore on his face, the snapback on his head, and the burnt orange colored hoodie his body seemed to swim inside. There was something so familiar about him, but you couldn’t put your finger on it.

“Why are you staring at me?” he asked.

“I-”

  He looked back at you and waited for an answer but you just shook your head. He let go of his head and got to his feet. You watched as he brushed his hand off on his jeans and held it out for you.

“I’m really sorry,” he said. “I should have watched where I was going.”

  He pulled you to your feet effortlessly. He was only a little bit taller than you, which made you think of Renjun.

“Yeah.” was all you could say.

  He bent down to pick up his papers. He flipped each one around like he was trying to figure out which order they should be in. You helped him quietly, trying to straighten them out as much as you could before you handed them back. You tried not to look at what was written, but your eyes couldn’t help but skim the first line. It was an apology letter. Before you could read any more, he snatched it out of your hands. His eyes were kind, not angry. Gone was the worry from before.

“It’s a break-up letter.” he said.

“You wrote her a letter?” you asked. “Or him. It could be a him.”

“Her,” he said. “Yes, I wrote her a letter. I was on my way to delivering it to her dorm.”

“So much heartbreak today.” you whispered.

“I’m sorry?” 

“Nothing, “ you said. “I know it’s none of my business, but isn’t writing a letter kind of a shitty thing to do? What happened to breaking up with people face-to-face, or is that not humiliating enough?”

  He didn’t answer, just picked up the last paper and tucked it behind the others. You handed him yours and got ready to bid goodbye to him. Something in your brain clicked, which made you point at him.

“I remember you.” you said.

“Me?” he asked. “I don’t think we have any classes together.”

“On the first day,” you said. “Your mother. She wiped something off of your face.”

  You mimicked his mother by raising your hand to his cheek, but you didn’t touch him. You hung your arm in mid-air lamely, and watched as a look of embarrassment flashed across his face.

“She is almost as embarrassing as me,” he said. “I was hoping no one saw that.”

“My best friend and I make fun of you all of the time,” you said, quietly. “You’re a feature piece in our Snapchat stories.”

“Great. Love that.”

  He began to walk away, but you followed him. His strides were fast, but you managed to bobble along beside him. You passed by your own doorway and could hear your roommate crying. Maybe it was horrible of you to pretend you didn’t hear her, but you did. 

“Are you really going to give that to her?” you asked.

“No,” he said. “I’m going to slip it under her door and run the other way.”

  Without missing a beat, he shoved the thick letter underneath the door. It got stuck halfway and he had to force it underneath with his fingertips. You held a hand to your mouth in disbelief. Admittedly, you were scared an angry girl would come out and think you were his new girlfriend, and then beat your ass.

“She’ll find it when she comes back,” he said

  Both of you stared at the light coming out from underneath the door. You peered over at him. He looked nervous, a little bit like he might throw up.

“Anyway,” he said. “Goodbye.”

  This time, you didn’t follow him as he walked away. You kept staring at the crack and the shadow from where the letter was sitting in front of the door. You tried imagining a girl coming home from class, happy about her life and wishing to see her boyfriends face only to be confronted with a shitty letter. You bent down and put your fingers underneath the door. He stopped at the end of the hallway and saw you trying to retrieve the letter. He bolted for you, his snapback flying off of his head to reveal a mop of messy black hair.

“What are you doing?”

“You’re just going to leave and hurt her like that? It’s not fair.”

  He knelt down. You both bumped heads. He cursed and then apologized. You’re one last reach for the letter didn’t happen because he shoved his hand so far underneath the door that the letter was completely out of reach by both of you.

“What is wrong with you?” he asked.

  You looked down at your hand and then back up at him. You looked down at the crack and then closed your eyes tightly.

“What is it?” he asked.

“My ring,” you said. “It slipped underneath the door.”

[a-very-fond-farewell]

The forbidden crack! Untamed prompts: 14/?

MeetCute modern!AU [mianqing edition]: “Don’t Bother Looking Down”

[title is from the song “We Fell in Love in October” by Girl in Red]

[let me live vicariously through my baby girls ok?? let me have this]

*

Qingyang wishes she never moved in this damned country in the first place. Coach Nie followed her alright, so she should be fine and, really, she is thankful for this amazing opportunity. But now she kind of regrets giving up her Lanling citizenships in order to move back to her mother’s home country and fence for the Qishan national team. She understands the language to some extent, but the people there immediately notice her accent and they glare at her whenever she speaks.

Coach Nie moved country as well just to make a champion out of her and, although he respects her for the choice she made, Qingyang knows he misses Qinghe and the people he left behind.

Getting into the national team was nothing compared to the impossible task to fit in and live a normal life. Even her new teammates don’t talk to her unless it’s strictly necessary and they always speak in that quick dialect of theirs just to gossip behind her back. Some of the guys in the male team are actually friendly and manager Xiao Xingchen is always offering to help her with this or that. Meng Yao had to leave Lanling to make the team and even his mother is, coincidentally, from Nightless City just like hers. She doesn’t like Xue Yang: barely seventeen, never heard of manners in his life, but he’s a genius in his own way and Qingyang has a lot to learn from his swordsmanship. However, his younger step sister A-Qing is the loveliest girl and the foulest mouth on the planet whenever she begrudgingly cheers for him, so maybe Qingyang could, potentially, relax a bit and have some fun while training.

But no. Their respective teams captains are actually evil and want them to suffer through impossible training sessions just to let them bask in glory without doing much themselves. Wang Lingjiao especially hates Qingyang’s guts and does everything in her power to make her leave.

It’s not Qingyang’s fault if her disgusting boyfriend had tried to give her a lift home too many times already. She wouldn’t even accept a drink from Wen Chao, let alone a lift. But one day Qingyang has enough, honest to the gods she has.

So it’s with a hollow heart that she stumbles into a random library to check if they have something to consult for her anxiety... when she sees her.

The girl that lives above her in her new apartment complex with her Grandma and younger brother. The one who always scowls at her because she never gets the trash out in time. The one who their landlady refers to with the ever lovely title of “our little overachiever” and “med-school dropout” any chance she gets. The one who apparently went to Lanling University along with Qingyang’s cousin ZiXuan and was the top of their class. The one who always runs around with the child she babysits for the rich couple at the end of the street.

And fuck no, Luo Qingyang’s not gonna mess with that.

So when she readies herself for yet another awkward encounter with the angry looking woman, the last thing she expects is to be welcomed with a blinding smile.

“Welcome, how can I help you today?”

And if Qingyang has to rely on some forced pleasantries between retail worker and client just to experience some human connection... so be it. It may be sick to ask for kindness this way, but she’ll make do.

She has to.

[details underneath]

Wen Qing hates her job. Not because she hates books, although she’s not a great reader herself (save from poetry, but nobody needs to know that), but because her boss is the epitome of “welcoming host” and she’s suffering from a chronic case of resting bitch face and forcing smiles is the last thing she wants out of life.

She came back to Qishan to look after her grandma after she broke her femur and her brother Wen Ning is studying to become a teacher and the final exam is nearing. Wen Qing didn’t want him to drop out to look after their grandma, so she left her fancy scholarship behind and came back.

XiChen is her boss at the library and took her in after his brother WangJi asked him to: Wen Qing and A-Yuan are distant cousins, but she and her brother didn’t have a job by the time the child became an orphan and their grandma was too old to look after him; hence, WangJi and his husband Wei Ying adopted A-Yuan and didn’t want him to live separated from his original family, so they moved in Qishan and frequently meet with the Wen’s.

Wen Qing feels bad about dropping out of university, but she refuses to regret it since she’s more than happy to look after her grandma. ZiXuan is a pediatrician now and several years have passed since they were classmates and competing for grades, but he checks on her through video chats every once in a while.

(ZiXuan is -coincidentally- Qingyang’s cousin and they talk a lot more than what they used to do now that he’s married and his wife is waiting for their first child. Turns out, ZiXuan is a secret matchmaking mastermind now that he is happily married and has matured enough to want his dear ones to be happy as well. So he plants the seed of curiosity in Wen Qing’s head by talking about his “hot and exceptionally talented fencer cousin who could possibly bench press a grown man. have I mentioned she’s hot?”)

...

(“Ew, do you think your cousin is hot?” / “Hot as in... lesbian terms, you get me” / “No. I really don’t. I’m straight.” / “Sure Wen Qing. Sure.”)

...

Qingyang keeps going to the library after her practice, in full gear and with her hair messy and red cheeks just to see Wen Qing smile at her and being forced to be nice to her. She absolutely knows the other woman is forced to do so and so she annoys her with pleasantries and silly things, but she never outright flirts with her [the lesbian courtship prevents the subjects from using such direct and straight(pfffffft)forward ways of approach, obviously].

...

(“I’m so sorry for forgetting about the trash the other day” / “That’s [*clenches fists*] fine. Don’t worry about it” / “Will you forgive me, Miss Wen? Really? [*Qingyang used ‘Bambi eyes’. It’s very effective!*] / “Don’t worry, that’s fine [*Wen Qing wishes the ground could swallow her whole. The nerve!*])

...

Wei Ying obviously befriends Luo Qingyang: he has to. He’s never seen Wen Qing this flustered in his life and he needs something to entertain him while Lan Zhan is at work. So he meddles bc he’s a little shit, but we all love him for it anyway.

...

(“Did you make a library card yet or...?” / “I don’t want to give that woman my ID, she might call the police on me once she gets a hold on my name” / “You literally live in the same building” / “It’s a big building. And I always misplace the trash, I’m afraid she’ll call the police on me saying I’m actually hiding a corpse in my apartment. No thank you” / “It’s a library subscription, not a birth certificate for gods’ sake” / “I’m not risking it, Wei Ying” / “Then I’ll tell you what to do.......”)

The next day at the library...

(“I want to get a card” / [*internally screeching* “took you long enough, wasting my time”] “Name?” / “MianMian”)

...

Which is apparently the wrong thing to say, because Wen Qing loves poetry and goes ballistic for any reference she can pick in normal conversations. So when she hears ‘MianMian’ she immediately goes “Then my name is YuanDao” and it’s like a fucking switch has been pressed and now WEN QING IS THE ONE PURSUING but Qingyang doesn’t know anything about poetry and doesn’t know what to do. She’s created a butch monster who actually genuinely smiles at her now and that’s too powerful for a small femme like her holy fuck.

O_o

Additional content: Jiang Cheng goes to a million blind dates until he meets XiChen out of fucking nowhere and they move in together two days later + Meng Yao seduces Nie MingJue with hot fencing routines without even sparing a glance at the older man (his drive is focused only on the medal and... for NMJ that’s kind of hot) + Wen Ning is actually a heartthrob but he’s not interested and runs away from people actually swooning at his feet left and right + Xue Yang is not a criminal and only wants his sister to finally get the service dog of her dreams + Song Lan is a referee but he gets distracted by the Qishan team manager bc... boy is he fine

o_O

[I’m suffering. Can someone write this I do not have time to commit to my own writing and I don’t trust myself with the delivery.

I’m but a tiny prompt-machine help me D:]

*

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Candy, Ch 16-21 [Epilogue 4]

So we’ve lost (spoilers will remain below the cut). This section starts progressing a lot faster, as the couples we’ve established all very rapidly start adopting kids. Jane’s whole eugenic vision, and fucked up relationships, starts coming much more to the forefront.

I call this the “we live in a society” chapter. Or perhaps the “edelman” chapter.

Chapter 16

At this point we get a six month time skip. Or for Terezi, a single day timeskip, because apparently there’s heavy time dilation between Earth C and the Furthest Ring.

The wedding itself is handled by recap, emphasising anecdotes. Of note is that Terezi is continuing to ghost basically the entire cast apart from John, which she claims is because he’s the most annoying.

In fact this entire chapter is text convos between John and Terezi, which is a nice return to early Homestuck when typing quirks were actually, well, typing quirks lol. Jane, it turns out, is now dating both Gamzee and Jake, which, well, ok.

ok.

ok.

anyway, there’s some wonderful dialogue on kismesis relationships at least:

TEREZI: Resentment can be fine in a short term black affair if the gaol is just to fill pails and avoid culling.

TEREZI: But in a sustained romantic rivalry it will always spell ruin.

TEREZI: Just like in a caliginous relationship, how it’s important for you to be able to communicate with your kismesis.

The rest of Terezi’s dialogue, talking a bit about Vriska, is a joy to read. I miss Terezi.

Oh yeah and Roxy’s pregnant. That’s important! Their wedding was 6 months prior, though it’s not clear from the narration when their baby was conceived.

Chapter 17

Another three month timeskip. That means nine months from the wedding - just about long enough for John and Roxy’s baby to be born.

Rose and Kanaya have outright named their child Vriska, which is... ok she may be a clone but that’s one hell of a thing to put on a kid, fucking hell.

Like, just wow. Imagine knowing Vriska and deciding to not just adopt her clone but name her clone after her! I take back whatever dumb shit I was saying about Rose and Kanaya being well adjusted. Poor kid.

There’s an amusing conversation in which Kanaya has misconceptions about how human children are born - from Karkat, via Dave. This is really going hard on the whole reproductive futurism angle huh.

The question of Vriska’s name comes up. Rose says that Vriska defeated Lord English - apparently having entirely forgotten all the things she said before, about how that whole plot point of how he was ultimately defeated was unresolved.

JOHN: rose, no one knows what happened to lord english.

ROSE: Of course we do. Vriska used the juju and her accompanying ghost army to defeat him.

ROSE: Why else would we be here?

JOHN: i don’t think that’s what actually happened though!

KANAYA: Then What Did Happen John

JOHN: i... i JUST said! JOHN: no one knows!

So uh... it’s like there’s some all-encompassing force, pushing the kids towards a “happy ending” defined in terms of pairing up and raising kids, editing their memories to leave nothing unresolved... and only John seems to be immune?

And moreover, whatever this force is, it seems to have robbed Roxy of her independent will. She’s going along with whatever John wants - much to his consternation.

Everyone is contorting themselves into a standardised template of “adulthood”, focused on reproduction above all, telling themselves it will make them happy... even the lesbians!

(Is this all one massive attack against the Harry Potter epilogue lol)

Chapter 18

In this chapter, Jane explains the need for eugenics to Gamzee. She insists that, if trolls were allowed to outbreed humans, the ‘natural’ Alternian social order might assert itself. It’s not racism! Some of her best friends are trolls!

Gamzee suggests this might get her ‘cancelled’, and she calls him ‘a literal insect in clownface’. Because she’s totally not xenophobic or anything. They have kismesis-hatesex, which includes...

In spite of Jane’s protests, Gamzee makes a desperate play for a lusty squeeze. Jane puts up a valiant show of resistance, but Gamzee knows she has no real intent of fighting him off—it’s all part of the kismetic dance. He has his big clown mitts right on her busty bags, honking away.

...what feels to me like a dangerous blurring of consent lines. Bottom line: this relationship is all kinds of fucked up...

Also why did I have to see the words “busty bags” with my actual eyes.

Not sure what the story is going for with this troll eugenics plotline. Jane explicitly tries to draw a line between this and actual racism insofar as there are, she says, actual biological differences between humans and trolls such as birth rate, unlike human ‘races’ (the story does not deviate from the idea that the kids are ‘aracial’, incidentally, though it’s hard to take Jane as anything other than white the way she acts). But why does the narrative feel the need to go there? I guess it’s about Jane’s character specifically; the not-so-subtle fascism in her whole image as a ‘proper’ businesswoman. She’s just doing what needs to be done!

I recall that ‘prison camps’ was up there in the content warnings list.

The latest Homestuck Baby is named Tavros. Naming babies after your dead friends is all the rage these days!

The narration stays with Jake as he leaves the room, but we still hear more than we’d like of Jane and Gamzee fucking.

The subject of kids - the REPRODUCTIVE IMPERATIVE - comes up. Jade explains that merging with Beq has done something to her bits, so she won’t be getting pregnant. And nobody’s really feeling ectobiology. Though that’s probably not the biggest issue with her and Dave...

She says she’s discussed surrogacy with Rose, and neither Dave nor Karkat would be ‘the father’ in this scenario. Ah, I think I see where this might be going. Beq was a male dog, as I recall.

(so this is basically... V Homestuck, apopros of nothing: do you know i think jade probably has a dick)

Chapter 19

In accordance with our headlong rush into families and reproduction, John has started working on becoming his dad I guess? He has a moustache, and even carries a briefcase.

New world, new social order... or not, I guess.

Anyway, the troll racism/eugenics metaphor is really speeding up:

KARKAT: JADE, DON’T YOU READ THE NEWSPAPERS?

KARKAT: THE NEW ADMINISTRATION IS CRACKING DOWN ON CERTAIN KINDS OF INTERSPECIES ADOPTION LAWS.

KARKAT: IF YOU’RE SO INTENT ON IT BEING “THE THREE OF US,” WE LITERALLY WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ADOPT A HUMAN CHILD BECAUSE THE HUMAN ADMINISTRATION IS AFRAID THAT I’D...

KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW.

KARKAT: TEAR INTO IT, AND FEAST ON ITS ORGANS.

KARKAT: AND IN THAT KIND OF POLITICAL CLIMATE? WELL, I’M NOT SURE IT’S A WORLD I WOULD WANT TO RAISE A TROLL CHILD IN RIGHT NOW.

Later on they outright call Jane a fascist. Not beating about the bush here. And John has apparently described Jane’s treatment of Jake as outright rape, which his friends generally assent to.

Thinking I should have picked up more of that dynamic when I read the earlier Jane/Jake scenes. There was a line...

It’s not the most rousing speech Jake has ever given, but it seems satisfactory enough for Jane. He releases a tremendously relieved sigh when Jane breaks into a smile.

JANE: Oh, Jake!

He flails when she kisses him. But this time, there’s no doubt he hasn’t said no.

Yeah that pretty much made it clear didn’t it. Jane has absolutely no regard for Jake’s will; and Jake is in no way in this situation able to assert how much this dynamic is harming him, without Jane pulling out the same manipulative tricks, playing hard on his ridiculous ‘old-timey gentleman’ thing.

Anyway, any discussion of their own relationship is forestalled when a dead body of Jade falls from the sky! Apparently it’s a much younger version of Jade - the origin is utterly unclear. (Perhaps we’ll find out in the Meat storyline?)

Whatever the cause, it prompts Jade to go to Jane - whose Life powers could bring the dead Jade back, in theory.

Chapter 20

But Jane’s powers... don’t work at all. (Also her relationships are pretty dire and she’s exerting fascist influence behind the scenes). Apparently whatever’s afflicting this Jade is more fundamental than poison: a ‘metaphysical’ rot. Meanwhile, it’s heavily implied (as was more or less said outright earlier) that Rose’s Seer powers don’t work anymore.

Jade wonders if her presence in Earth C implies the other selves across other timelines can no longer exist. But this is maybe only brought up to dismiss it.

Instead, Roxy brings up the whole fascism thing - as a political divide pushing them apart (metaphor ahoy). Which prompts an impassioned - and justified - rant from Karkat. Gamzee steps in, and Karkat has a go at him too, and the way he’s exploiting his claimed ‘redemption’:

KARKAT: NO.

KARKAT: NEVER IN THE WILDEST DREAMS OF YOUR SOPOR SOAKED PEABRAIN WILL WE BE “MOTHERFUCKING GOOD,” GAMZEE.

KARKAT: BECAUSE YOU’RE SLEEPING WITH THE GODDAMN ENEMY.

KARKAT: BECAUSE I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT WHAT YOU DID.

KARKAT: AND BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU EVEN DID WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE!

In the framing this story has developed, he’s not wrong, obviously. The words ‘redemption arc’ are thrown out again by Roxy and Jane in Gamzee’s defense, and Karkat storms out.

Karkat is good in the role of moral authority, directly confronting cruelty and hypocrisy that his more ‘polite’ friends would rather sweep under the rug in the name of unity. We see their reactions:

Karkat leaves a stunned silence in his wake. Jane fuming silently to herself, Kanaya and Rose exchanging a knowing look about World Politics, John chewing his lip and mulling about how Karkat is probably right, and how if he were braver, he would have backed him up.

Kanaya and Rose - on the ‘right side’, but in many ways, the middle class, above-it-all. John, the coward. Jane, put on the spot, soon falls back on her ideals of propriety...

Karkat’s ancestor was the Signless/Sufferer, who led a rebellion against the Condesce. Perhaps he’s stepping up to fill a similar role...

Chapter 21

As was discussed in the prior chapter, Roxy insists on holding a funeral for the dead alternate-universe Jade... for the sake of unity, or something. This works about as well as you might expect.

Oh, and, on the subject of Jake and Jane, well.

You gave it the old college try chap, Jake said to him earlier as he waxed his mustache in the mirror. But its better for a man to just let his wife do whatever she wants. I promise youll experience less pain that way old boy.

yeesh

Also Calliope is here! She gives a little speech about death, and shares a tender moment with Roxy... so... still playing into that ambiguity huh.

Then Aradia and Sollux show up?? I guess they were, technically, still alive! They have not, indeed, been absorbed by the big black hole... and they certainly liven things up.

Honestly, the massive pileup of characters leads to them playing off each other in ways I’ve really missed. It’s like a good old classic homestuck group chat feel.

Roxy gives a speech that’s ultimately all about Dirk - about the ways things might have been different, whether it’s even meaningfully possible to compare. Good old Homestuck themes. Then she has her actual baby because why not.

As if this isn’t enough melodrama for one chapter, Jade’s ‘corpse’ gets up, and reveals it’s not actually Jade in there at all, but... someone who speaks in red text, and is known to Calliope. Alt-Calliope perhaps..?

Sure enough, it is... the Calliope who predominated over Caliborn in an alternative branch of that timeline, who created the big black hole, and who has now arrived ‘to protect your world’.

Phew.

Epilogue 4 as a whole

Bloody hell that was something.

So Jane’s gone full fash. For significant chunks of the comic she was mind-controlled by the Condesce, but I guess within this story she’s capable of going fash on her own devices.

The awful relationship between Jade and Jake is well-realised, I think, for all its awfulness. It comes across as a believable, ugly dynamic.

The whole redemption arc thing, that keeps coming up - it’s about fiction, but perhaps also more broadly about transformative and restorative justice; the kind of difficult conversations that I struggle with a lot, of how we collectively and individually respond to instances of cruelty, abuse and violence, and how these things arise in the first place.

At its best, this story is challenging a perspective that people who have been hurt in terrible ways should be obliged to grant forgiveness and absolution; a ‘too easy’ story where all pain disappears and everyone can just be friends again. But we must avoid two failure modes: one is a model of the world which takes it that some people are just bad, justifying any extent of “retributive” violence, and systemising that in a way that can and will inevitably be directed as a further weapon against those who are vulnerable to it, rather than in any way that prevents harm. All expansions of prisons are justified by appealing to the worse “predators”, but they do basically nothing to prevent sexual violence (rather, they concentrate it) and instead conveniently provide slave labour.

But there is still an obvious danger in the presumption that someone who has learned to be abusive and controlling has ‘reformed’; of refusing to act when someone needs help. Any system can be exploited.

Note that, of course, there is a considerable gap between imprisoning Gamzee in a fridge, and welcoming him as part of the friendship circle. When practised on a community scale, exile is an instrument of violence, but no individual person or small friendship group is obliged to maintain a relationship with a particular person...

So that’s what it’s dealing with. Only with ‘lol this clown is gross’ jokes; Gamzee, as presented here, is a repulsive person in every way possible, and those who defend him are painted as idiots.

The whole thing with the clowns in Homestuck has always been a bit of a weird one. The cultural markers invoked are heavily associated with class: they’re dirty, they drink a lot, they’re literally juggalos. But they’re also declared to be the ruling class, relating to other trolls as oppressors. And of course, haha, it’s only jokes, right...

(That’s not to get into the extent that clown imagery is racialised in the US, because hoooo boy that’s a complicated one. Discussions of ‘coding’ in media can get horribly oversimplified, and I think I’ve put my foot in that elsewhere. Coding is never just one thing)

Anyway I’m probably like, going on too much about this. Tell me I’m full of shit lol.

Alt-Calliope is hopefully finally going to explain wtf is going on as a result of John’s dubious decision at the start.

[a-gay-bloodmage]

---Redren, I may have made a mistake.---

For @zevranology‘s #Zevwarden week

Pairing: Zevran x Male Amell Warden ((Side of Morrigan x Leliana))

Pairing Type: M/M

Words: 14,548

Warnings: Sex jokes, mention of sex work in a neutral light, pretty slow burn, some great lesbians, use of OC’s name, they’re all just nerds

Redren, I may have made a mistake. Texts like this were never good. Coming from Leliana, they either meant that she burnt a cake or that she broke a leg. One could never tell.

What have you done? Redren write back, setting aside his current project.

“Who is it?” He heard Morrigan ask from the back of the room. They were currently in his basement along with Alistair, one of their mutual friends.

“Leliana,” he sighed. “She’s been typing for a while so I’m going to assume it’s nothing good!”

His phone vibrated in his hands, five messages coming though at once.

OKAY SO I MAY HAVE MET THIS REALLY NICE GUY THE OTHER DAY, OKAY? ANYWAY HE WAS CHATTING ME UP, SAID MY BUTT LOOKED GOOD, ALL THAT STUFF. ANYWAY, HE WAS REALLY NICE SO I INVITED HIM TO STARBUCKS. WE WERE OUT GETTING COFFEE TODAY AND HE ASKED ME WHAT MY HOBBIES WERE AND

OH SWEET BABY JESUS I SAID THAT I WAS GOING TO LARP THIS WEEKEND WITH MY FRIENDS (AND MY GIRLFRIEND, SOMETHING HE SEEMED COOL WITH, EVEN IF HE SEEMED A BIT CONFUSED AS TO WHY I ACCEPTED A WEIRD SORT OF DATE THING) WITH SOME OF MY FRIENDS AND OF COURSE HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT THAT WAS BECAUSE HE’S HOT,

NO OFFENSE, DUDE. ANYWAY THIS MADE ME END OF HAVING TO EXPLAIN WHAT IN THE LORD’S NAME LIVE-ACTION ROLE PLAYING IS TO A REALLY HOT SPANISH GUY OVER STARBUCKS COFFEE AND IT WAS REALLY AWKWARD BUT

HE SEEMED TO BE INTO IT???? I DON’T KNOW BUT ANYWAY HE LOOKED GENUINELY INTERESTED AND I COULDN’T SHUT UP SO AAAAHHHH

LONG STORY SHORT I INVITED HIM OVER I’M SO SORRY

are you kidding me

No.

Redren sighed and put down his phone, falling back onto the sawdust covered carpet.

“God,” Alistair muttered, looking over at Redren sighing on the floor. “What did she say?”

“She sort of accidentally invited someone to go to Moondust with us,” he said, rushed.

“What a fool!” Morrigan cried, raising her staff above her head in mock agony. “Oh, ‘tis truly a horror! We are exposed!” She snorted and set down her staff.

“It may be funny to you, but she mentioned he was attractive and now I’m nervous!”

“Hey!” He heard Alistair whine. “Am I not attractive to you?”

“You’re my friend, Alistair, our token heterosexual! I don’t know this guy! And she mentioned he was Spanish!” He lamented his head tilted back to look at his friends. Morrigan had gone back to applying another layer of paint to her homemade staff, shaking her head in amusement.

“What if you ask her to ask him if he’s available to come over tomorrow?” Redren sat up and stared at Alistair. Alistair blushed a bit in awkwardness before he explained. “I mean, he needs a character, and maybe we could whip one up tomorrow before the weekend?”

“Lord,” Redren exhaled, “I’ll text her. I thank God every day for your ideas, my friend.”

“Should I be offended, or…?”

Leliana.

Do you have his number?

Yeah, why?

I need you to text him.

Tell me what you want to say and I’ll send him a screenshot so I don’t have to worry about messing up and any typos are on you~

Fine, fine

Okay, attractive mystery man, as you may know, you have been invited to one of the most embarrassing social gatherings on the planet. I am wondering if you are available to come over tomorrow, any time between noon and one am to

work on preparing you for one of the strangest things you’ve ever been invited to.

Sending it!

It took only about two minutes for him to respond.

Greetings Leliana’s friend! My name is Zevran Arainai, and I can say with certainty that anything you invite me too will not be too strange for my tastes~!

If Miss Leliana here is available at noon, I can be as well, although I cannot stay after nine pm. I work, shall we say, night shifts? Haha, well I am excited! What your friend described sounds VERY interesting!

~Z ♡

Lord, he sounds… interesting.

Oh he is.

“He’s coming over at noon.”

“Nice! I’ll be over after work, so, like, four? Duncan said he’s closing up early. Doctor’s appointment,” Alistair replied, setting his pain-stakingly well made latex sword. He worked at a local hardware shop under Duncan, who was incredibly nice when it came to a bunch of twenty-somethings asking to use his machines when the shop was closed. He was sort of like Alistair’s pseudo-dad, and was happy to let them use the machines as long as he was supervising. He had no idea what they were doing, but he was happy to watch from the sidelines. A confused smile and a thumbs up were his go-to resources.

“Morrigan dear,” be heard his grandmother, Wynne, call out from the top of the basement stairs. “Your mother just called the house phone, and she said you need to come home!”

“I am twenty-five,” he heard her mutter as she put all of her art supplies back on the table she used as storage.

“And she said that if you mute her calls again, she’s coming over herself to collect you herself!” Morrigan’s mother was incredibly odd, for lack of a better word. She ran a tiny shop that specialized in herbal medicine she brewed herself and other miscellaneous items of witchcraft. Redren found the whole thing fascinating, but despite being a pagan witch herself, Morrigan couldn’t stand her mother. She still lived at home and helped with the shop which was housed on the first floor of their home.

“Remind me I need to splatter-paint that in case I forget!” She said, grabbing her backpack by the stairs. “I’ll sneak out at two, so I’ll be over at quarter after!”

“See ya!” Both Redren and Alistair called out after her. About half an hour passed until Alistair glanced up at the clock, noticing the time. 9:30 pm.

“I’ve got to be home by ten,” he sighed, “so we should probably start cleaning now, huh?”

It took about fifteen minutes to get everything put away, with Alistair departing after one of his bone-crushing hugs.

“Again, four o'clock!” He reminded, a dorky smile on his face. “Don’t want to leave you alone with Morrigan, Leliana and the new guy!”

“God bless you, Alistair!” Redren laughed, waving him goodbye as he grabbed his satchel from the basement railing.

As soon as he left, Redren put his music on the Bluetooth speaker and set to work, breaking out the vacuum for probably the first time in three months. Bits of sanded off wood were all but ingrained in the carpet, so it took quite some time to get even the smallest portion of the dust out. He wanted this place as clean as humanly possible, as having a guest over, a supposedly attractive guest at that, was a good motivation to actually clean. The added distraction of his boxer bolting down the stairs to howl at the vacuum just made the job that much harder. Redren could only pray that Zevran didn’t ask him what the overgrown puppy’s name was, or else he’d have to admit that at age twenty, he’d named a boxer Dog. Hopefully Zevran had a sense of humor. Eventually he moved to attempt to scrub at the cement floor where Morrigan had been quite relaxed with her painting. A red, smeared handprint is not a very good sight for making a first impression.

The only place he didn’t clean was their paused game of Dungeons and Dragons, a sacred place that nobody disturbed unless they wanted to lose their hand. Dog was circling his legs, excited at the prospect of going to Moondust for the weekend. There, he was a proud warhound who got to roll around in puppy-friendly red paint to his hearts content and chase any rabbit he wanted. Everyone loved him there, and over the two years he’d been going with Redren he’d become a bit of an icon. Redren had been personally LARP-ing for six years, ever since he was sixteen and Alistair, eighteen at the time, had noticed him sketching a self-insert sorcerer in his chemistry notebook. The dork had struck up a conversation with him, and ended up talking about how he and his older half-brother Cailin went up once a month to Live Action Role Play in a medieval village called Moondust. Redren and him had become friends quite quickly, which was pretty handy, as Alistair was on the Rugby team, so a lot less people were tempted to bully Redren like they usually did. He was an androgynous gay teenager with red hair to his mid-back. As soon as he went to Moondust he knew that was where he belonged. He ended up running a blog for it, posting all about his little adventures, truly excited to be a part of it. He ended up meeting Morrigan there. She was three years older than him, making him the baby of the group. Leliana, her girlfriend, was two years older than him, and an older sister if anything.

“Redren!” His grandma Wynne called from the top of the stairs. “Don’t forget you have work tomorrow!” Her tone meant that she didn’t mean it as a mere suggestion to hurry up. He put away his cleaning supplies and headed up the stairs, Dog on his heels. He collapsed into bed after giving Wynne a quick goodnight kiss on the cheek. Despite being a bit of an overbearing busybody sometimes, she was a good grandma, taking him in when his mother died when he was five. She owned a little restaurant called “The Circle,” that specialized in breakfast food. He was mainly just a waiter there, and the staff was fairly small. Irving, a man that technically retired five years ago did much of the finances for Wynne. Probably because he was bored and good with management. His childhood friend Jowan and his wife Lily also worked there with him. Really nice, average people of you didn’t count Jowan’s fascination with the medical world. He didn’t have the funds for med school, but that didn’t stop him from knowing every artery, vein, and capillary in the human body.

Redren nearly fell asleep in his jeans. Cleaning was much more exercise than he usually did. He began to think about Zevran, and how he still knew nothing about the stranger that Leliana had invited over. He worked nights, it seemed. Redren couldn’t help but wonder what he looked like. If he was Spainish, he must be tan, right? Redren looked at his own corpse-pale hands and laughed. Lord, was he British! Was Zevran’s accent strong? Oh, how tall was he? What would he roleplay as? An elf? A human warrior, or a mage? Or was he really tall, a Qunari, perhaps? The mixture of anxiety and excitement twisted his stomach in knots. He buried his face in his pillow, taking deep breaths. It was no use worrying, it’d happen either way. Eventually, he settled to sleep. Nervous. Very, very nervous.

..

His morning was like any other. He said hello to Jowan and Lily when he walked in at six am, and set to work taking orders from the steady stream of customers. The Circle was actually popular, but unfortunately, every morning, a loud group of the Rugby players from the local High School, the Templars, would waltz in like they owned the place. More than once he’d been called “sweetheart” or “tits” from the back, so it made the experience worth it. The looks on their faces! It’d almost become a hazing for the new kids on the team. As well as alcohol and running laps, there was the shaming of the androgynous homosexual test. Ah, the fragility of their masculinity! Alistair had once belonged to their order, but due to his sweet personality, such a sin was forgivable.

Rolling up an American pancake and eating it like a burrito, he watched the customers and thought about Zevran. What was he like? Leliana mentioned how he tried to pick her up by talking about her arse… Lord, what was this man?

Eventually, his shift ended, and as soon as the clock struck 11, he was out of there. He took a quick shower, actually scrubbing his hair for the first time in what, a week? His hair was always a mess, but this time, he took the time to blow dry it, carefully brushing it out. He even made sure to put it up in a neat ponytail, his bangs covering his honest to God unattractive eyebrows, and brushed out the two long locks of hair framing either side of his face. He threw on his working shirt, an old orange tank top, and his working pants, a tight pair of blue jeans. Both of them were stained with paint, making the combination the official “Working Outfit.”

He was just setting up in the basement when he heard the doorbell ring. He straightened out one of the chairs at the D&D table, and ran upstairs. He was too late. His grandma Wynne had already opened the door, and he felt his stomach drop as she introduced herself as “Grandma Wynne,” adding on “Oh! Are you one of his friends? I haven’t seen you before!”

“Grandma!” Redren whined, his face heating up. “Please leave them alone!”

“Am I embarassing you, sweetie?” Oh, she was so doing this on purpose! “Fine, fine, I’ll leave you alone!” She strolled off, a smug little smile on her face.

“Uh, why don’t you come in? I’m Red…ren…” He finally got a look at the man standing next to Leliana. Lord was he short! He must’ve been what, 5'2"? But, God, was he cute! Redren noticed the tattoo on his face, and couldn’t help but stare at the smooth lines on tanned skin.

“Already rendering you speechless?” Zevran’s voice was smooth and heavily accented. Beautiful!

“Come in,” he smiled shyly, moving out of the doorway. Zevran and Leliana slid their shoes off, following him down to the basement. “Sorry about my grandmother, she’s a bit much!”

“No, no,” Zevran laughed. “She seemed lovely! And she had a wonderful bosom!” Redren turned around, his eyes wide as he saw Leliana and Zevran muffling giggles.

“God, want did I get myself into?” He sighed as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Lord Almighty!” Leliana’s voice was a mix of a laugh and a gasp. “I’ve never seen this place so clean!”

“Why can’t I just try to make a good impression?” He sighed. If anything, he was hoping Zevran’d think he wasn’t as much of a mess as he really was.

“So this is your base of operations?” He asked, his eyes wandering around to look at the back wall covered in paint, replica latex swords, staffs, and armor. All hand made, too. “Impressive!” Redren smiled at that.

“Thanks,” he said, heading to the back. “So, Lels, given any thought to his character?”

“Damn, I haven’t!”

“That’s okay! I have!” He turned to look at Zevran. “You know, just based on appearance, you strike me as an elf!”

“Is that a compliment?” Zevran asked Leliana.

“Yeah!” She nodded. “Elves are noble and beautiful creatures!”

“Oh, I enjoy that beautiful part!” Zevran laughed, sending butterflies straight through Redren’s stomach.

“Oh, I can totally see it!” Redren’s mind was racing with possibilities. “I could braid your hair! Oh, that’d look good!” He heard Leliana and Zevran sit down on the carpet as he opened up a desk drawer full of assorted accessories. He pulled out a pair of elven ear extensions he thought would match Zevran’s skin tone. He turned back around and set the objects against Zevran’s skin. A perfect match!

“Oh! Should we explain this stuff more before we delve into character creation?” Leliana laughed. Redren blushed, embarrassed at his excitement.

“Probably, yeah.”

“I’ll start. So, I’ve already told you about the very basics of LARP-ing, like, how you go to a camp-type place and act as a character for a weekend.” Redren sat down next to them, so that they were sitting in a triangle of sorts. “I, personally, play as a former bardic assassin, turned Church sister, turned adventurer! I’ve been going to Moondust for eight years!” Her smile was quite proud, full of love for her character. “I’ve been developing her for a very long time!” She turned to Redren. “Why don’t you explain your character?”

“He’s a mage, and a really powerful one at that!” Redren grinned. “I’m a blood mage, which means I can manipulate a person’s blood to my will! I can also summon demons, but that’s not a very good idea, because there’s too high of a chance it could backfire!” He laughed. “Unfortunately, blood magic is banned, so I was nearly executed for it!” At Zevran’s concerned look, Redren explained further. “I went to a mage’s guild trial, and I nearly went to the stake, but fortunately, Morrigan stood up for me, protesting that blood magic could be a valuable asset in battle, so they decided to let me live!”

“This seems like quite some world!” Zevran marveled. The fact that he actually seemed interested was amazing, most of the time, people disregarded him as a complete freakshow when he mentioned Live Action Role Playing.

“Well, what we need to do today is design a character for you, which means background, armor and weapons,” Leliana explained. “So, why don’t we base him off of you? It’s always easier to play a character that’s a part of yourself!”

“What would you like to know?”

“Job, what your majoring in, those things!”

“Oh, you’re in college?” Redren asked, hoping this meant Zevran was his age. Then again, Leliana was in college, and she was twenty-four. She was in a music program, as she was wonderfully talented with the flute. She’d put off college for two years, so she was in her final year now.

“Yes, but I must admit it took me a while!” Zevran laughed. “I finally joined the University of the Arts last year! I’m getting my acting degree. Although it means I won’t be out of college until I’m twenty-eight!”

“You’re twenty-five?” Redren asked.

“Yes sir! And you’re, what, eighteen?” Redren’s cheeks heated up in embarrassment.

“He’s actually twenty-two,” Leliana whispered.

“Oh! You truly have a youthful face!” Zevran laughed. “But as for what I do as a job, I must admit the club I work in is, eighteen and over,” he smirked, seeming to enjoy as Redren’s face heated up further. “So innocent!”

“Oh, hush,” he mumbled.

“Anyway, as for a background, I came to this dreary country of yours last year from Madrid, Spain. Dios mío, do I miss it!” He laughed. “It’s too cold here!” Leliana laughed in agreement, as she would also often lament how Avignon in her native France was so much better than London. Zevran ended up talking about how he’d grown up in a brothel, eventually getting a job at a strip club when he turned eighteen, and had saved up enough to move to London last year. Redren hung onto every word, and felt like he could listen to his voice forever.

“So, any fancy ideas for my character?” He laughed, startling Redren out of his trance. “Or would you prefer to gaze at my lips a few moments more?” Said lips were curling into a smirk as Redren hastily looked away, his ears red.

“A few ideas, yeah,” he mumbled, standing up to grab a notebook and a pencil. “So, we need a name for Spain. Any ideas, Leliana?”

She hummed in thought as Redren sketched a blank human outline on the paper. He could feel Zevran looking over his shoulder as he added on fingerless gloves, a black leather skirt paired with a matching top. Shoulder pads and wrappings around the elbows were added as well.

“So, Zevran,” he asked as he sketched in some shoulder-length hair, “you don’t need to answer if it’s too personal, but what was the name of that club you mentioned?” Tiny braids and ears were added.

“An interesting question, dear Redren!” He laughed. “It was El Cuervo, which translates to The Raven. Why would you like to know?”

“The Raven’s too pretty,” he mused, “but… The Crow!” He smiled, jotting down The Crows next to the drawing. “How would you feel about being an assassin?”

“An assassin? Sounds fun!”

“What about Antiva?” Leliana piped up.

“Any meaning to it?”

“Nope, but it sounds pretty, doesn’t it?”

“Alright,” Redren nodded, writing down Antivan next to the character. “Since this world’s countries’ names are so boring, we come up with new ones; France is Orlais, Britain is just one called Ferelden, and now, Spain is Antiva!" 

"When Leliana mentioned this, I have to admit I was interested, but as you explain further, I find myself more and more eager! And for someone like myself, this would certainly be good acting practice, no? Staying in character for a whole weekend is a challenge, isn’t it?” Redren was actually surprised at how excited the man looked. Personally, it had taken Redren a good couple of months, about four weekends in total, to feel comfortable with the LARP-ing community. Zevran, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have any sort of anxiety regarding the idea. He was happily brushing his hair back with his fingers, allowing Leliana to place the medium-length ear extensions on him. He opened up his phone to look in the camera, marveling at how well they matched his skin tone. He snapped a quick selfie and set his phone back in his pocket.

“I have arrived!” They heard a voice call out from up the stairs. Morrigan had finally managed to come over, meaning it’d been just over two hours already. She shuffled down the stairs, backpack slung over one shoulder and a Styrofoam container of leftover pancakes in her hand. “Your grandmother insisted you were fed,” she tsked. She hung her backpack up on the peg by the stairs, and set the food down by the edge of the D&D table for later.

She took a long look at Zevran, raising a perfectly maintained eyebrow. “I presume you’re the one who said my girlfriend’s arse looked nice?”

Zevran laughed. “If I had known she already had a beautiful partner, I wouldn’t have said anything,” he said, sincere. “But truly, I’m glad I did! This world of your’s is fascinating!” Morrigan seemed to have taken notice of the elf ears, laughing lightly.

“Truly nice to see we’ll be gaining an elf in our party! So far, we’ve everything but,” she sighed. “Qunari, dwarf, mage, warrior, you name it, but elves? Nope.”

“Our party consists of mainly Morrigan, Leliana, a guy named Alistair, and I, but there’s quite a few more players that we hang out with,” Redren added. “I will warn you, that most people there are social rejects or incredibly bored nerds, so be prepared!”

“I go to a school of the arts, Redren,” he chuckled. “I’m sure I’ll be fine!”

“All right, don’t we have work to do?” Morrigan clapped her hands. She went to the back, grabbing her latex staff off the table, along with a can of white paint and a large tub of glitter. Redren set to work looking for already-made armor with Leliana that they could adjust for Zevran’s size. As he worked on getting Zevran armor, he watched Morrigan in amusement as she dumped the light blue glitter into the white paint, and began to splatter-paint her staff. She loved cold magic, and she’d decided to make a new, cooler, staff. She was nice enough outside of Moondust, but Lord, was her character bitchy! It was endearing in a strange way, her cold personality working incredibly well with her winter magic.

As they were starting the chestpiece, they noticed the clock had hit four o'clock. Alistair arrived shortly, and after intoductions, had started talking about what types of weapons Zevran’d be good with. They eventually settled on dual-wielding with a dagger and a short sword. Leliana mentioned that she had some spares, digging out two of her previous weapons. Redren was busy embroidering little patterns on a pair of leather gloves. He’d learned the skill from Grandma Wynne, and enjoyed putting little curves of black string around the edge of the brown gloves. He was modeling them after Zevran’s tattoos. He couldn’t resist adding a tiny pink heart to the top of the right glove. Cute!

“So, when in battle, you have a certain amount of health and armor points, but since your character is a rogue, you’ll have less armor points than me, since I’m a warrior and I can wear heavier armor,” Alistair explained, a bright smile on his face. He was such a dork, and always happy to explain things. He rambled on about armor, repairs, and healing spells, with Zevran paying a surprising amount of attention. Maybe his love for acting was what compelled him to actually stick around. Regardless, his enthusiasm was appreciated.

“I believe your dog wished to be a part of this gathering,” Morrigan nodded her head toward the closed basement door. Faint little whines came from behind it.

“You’re not allergic, are you?” He asked Zevran before he let Dog in.

“I don’t mind dogs,” he shrugged. “I’m more of cat person, but feel free to let the little thing in if it so wishes.”

Dog bounded down the stairs as soon as Redren so much as cracked the door open, nearly knocking him down. Thank God for the door knob. He heard a slightly amused yelp as the eighty-pound boxer ran to Zevran, slobbering and drooling all over him.

“Oi!” Redren yelled, running down to grab Dog by his collar. “You do not act like that!” Dog still looked very happy, despite being scolded. “You will behave if you wish to stay down here, young man!” Dog whined a bit, lying down in defeat. “You know I don’t like yelling at you,” Redren shook his head. “But you must learn, you can’t be so forceful, you’re too big.” He took a deep breath. “Do you want to help me age up this cloth?” Redren grabbed a large wad of fabric, tossing it to Dog, who happily began to chew it up. That was his job.

“Never have I seen a man speak to a dog like that!” Zevran laughed. “Are you sure you’re not really a wizard that’s trapped the spirit of your child in there?”

Redren laughed, shaking his head. “Nah, he’s a good boy most of the time, but he never knows when to calm down!” He patted Dog’s head affectionately.

“So, what’s his name?” Redren heard Morrigan, Leliana, and Alistair snort at the same time.

“You’re all bullies, you know that, all of you,” he muttered under his breath. “His name is Dog.” Zevran snorted, too.

“Dog?” Dog perked up, staring at Zevran with the fabric hanging out of his mouth. “It’s unique, I’ll give you that!”

..

Eventually, eight o'clock came, and everyone said their goodbyes. Zevran’s outfit was held in his hands, a bright smile on his face. He was the last one out the door, as he’d stayed back for a moment after everyone had left. He folded it, and set the leather in his satchel.

“I’d like to thank you,” he said, looking up at Redren. “I, I’m very excited for this weekend. It doesn’t feel like I just met you. And if I can have my way, I’d like to do this again. I’ve, I’ve never had many friends, and,” he took a deep breath before finishing. “I’ve very thankful that you let me experience what it’s like, even if only for a couple of hours.”

“It doesn’t have to be just a couple hours,” Redren said, his face pink. “I mean, yoire spending the weekend with us, and, uh, if you like it, I’m, well, I wouldn’t mind hanging out with you again.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“That sounds wonderful.” Zevran was beaming. His teeth were exposed when he smiled, and his tan cheeks were ever so slightly darker, a blush on them. “See you tomorrow. Seven am?”

“Don’t be late.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Zevran turned, walking down the driveway, looking back to wave one last time. Redren waved back. When he finally came back inside, he noticed his grandmother by the fireplace, shaking her head with a soft smile. Heading to his room, he couldn’t help but fall back onto his bed, his face on fire and a stupid grin on his face.

I talked to a boy! I talked to a really pretty boy! I basically just asked him on a date! I talked to a boy and he liked me!

“I talked to a boy!” He breathed out, his chest rising and falling quickly. His heart was racing. Hugging his pillow, he imagined what the weekend would be like. Redren the mage was straightforward, he had no anxiety when it came to talking to people if need be. Could he talk to Zevran? His mind was clouded over with the question of how soft Zevran’s lips were. He let out a shaky breath. Those questions would have to wait for now. Perhaps he’d find the answers in Moondust. He hoped he’d find the answers in Moondust.

…

Seven am came around the next day, with Redren waiting on the couch in his robes, leg bouncing with anxiety.

“Redren dear,” Wynne chuckled. “You haven’t been so nervous for these in a very long time. How come?” She paused, but didn’t give him enough time to answer. “Is it because of the young Spanish man?” The smile on her face was a tell that she knew she was right.

“Yeah, but I’m mainly just nervous because he’s never been to one of these and he’s really nice and, and, ugh!” His stomach was starting to hurt.

“Now, I know you’re old enough where I don’t need to tell you to be careful, but he’s a handsome young man, so if things go further, please remember to use-” the doorbell rang and Redren shot up like a bullet.

“Loveyougrandmahaveagoodweekendbye!” He grabbed his small bag of luggage, his staff and his hat, Dog running out behind him, barking happily.

When he took his usual place in the second row of Morrigan’s van after putting his things in the trunk, he noticed how Zevran had taken Alistair’s seat. Alistair was now sitting in the back with Dog, not looking at all dissapointed with the new arrangement. Leliana was in the passenger’s seat, and gave him a smug little smile.

“What did Wynne say that’s for you all red-faced?” Oh, how Redren loathed his pale complexion!

“Nothing, so can we please get going?”

“'Tis a three hour drive, poor fool,” Morrigan laughed, already getting into character. “And the Lady Leliana has her ways of persuasion!”

“And I have no tits to grab so I’m already immune to one form of torture you’re so fond of, Morrigan,” he laughed. She just tsked in response.

“Is this going to be another one of those drives?” Alistair groaned. “Zevran, are you straight?”

“Of course not, my dear,” he smirked, turning around to look at Alistair.

“You’re the only one I have, Dog,” he sighed, making the rest of them laugh.

“Zevran,” Redren said, “I haven’t mentioned yet how nice you look in that.” He could feel the tip of his ears heat up, and shifted his hair to cover them.

“Why thank you,” he smiled. “But if you wouldn’t mind, I couldn’t work out how exactly to put the ears on, so if you could…”

“Ah, of course!” He leaned over, and Zevran brushed his hair out of the way so that the extensions could slip on. “There you go.”

“Why thank you, and may I say your robe is quite nice as well.”

“This atmosphere of romance is going to suffocate me,” Morrigan sighed.

“Hey!” Leliana protested, giving her girlfriend a playful hit on the shoulder.

“Your mine so it’s different,” she drawled.

Redren didn’t protest Morrigan’s comment, not wanting to dig his own grave twenty minutes into the car ride.

Moondust LARP-ing community was about a three hour drive North of London, around Leicester. It was built on the farmgrounds of Alistair’s father’s old farm, which he had named Ferelden Farms. The land had been left to Cailan and his wife, Anora, who turned it into a tiny village of their own. Cailan was a couple of years older than Alistair, and has ended up inviting him brother to help him set up the little community. Over the nine years it’d been open, it had grown, so that there were about a hundred and fifty people every month, all camping on the grounds.

Cailan and Anora were the Crowned King and Queen of Ferelden, with Cailan being the one who kept up activities and campaigns while Anora did more of the behind-the-scenes work. As lovely as she was outside of LARP-ing, Anora played the stuck-up and cold Queen, balancing out Cailan’s outspoken personality. She was the one that suggested his execution, in fact. That’d been a fun weekend, in all honesty.

As the people in the car lulled into a comfortable silence, Leliana’s music filled the quiet and covered Alistair’s soft snores. It was pretty obvious he was the kind of baby that only stopped crying via car ride. Redren glanced at Zevran out of the corner of his eye, watching the other man gaze out the window, watching the countryside go by. The English countryside was always beautiful, much different from his native Spain. He had a soft smile on his face, the tattoos curving just as softly. The elf ears were just as cute, and look surprisingly natural on him.

..

When they arrived, unpacking their things from the trunk and shaking Alistair awake, they were greeted by Cailan. Well, King Cailan now. The King greeted his half-brother with a nod of the head and a handshake, formal.

“Greetings,” he smiled. “I am not often one for formalities as you know, but I see you have brought a new member. Is he of your order?” The King was referring to the 'Grey Wardens,’ an order Alistair had created, in which he and Redren were the only formal members, the rest of their little party were 'allies.’ He’d created lore himself, speaking of it as a once proud order wiped out by an invasion of fearsome monsters. He’d been happy to allow Redren to join, since he didn’t have any friends in Moondust.

“This is Zevran Arainai of the assassination organization, the Antivan Crows,” Alistair said, gesturing to Zevran, who took a deep bow.

“Ah yes, the Crows,” Cailan nodded, a hand to his chin in thought.

“He was hired by a rival faction to wipe out the Wardens, but we defeated him in combat. He is now forever in our debt for sparing his life.”

“I am honored to be in your presence, King of Ferelden,” Zevran smiled, putting a hand to his chest. “I swear to serve the Wardens, my Lord, and by extension, you, if they so wish it.”

“An honorable man,” Cailan nodded. “I am pleased to welcome you to Ferelden, Arainai.” He turned to the rest of the group. “Now, shall we get going?”

They followed him down the winding trail from the parking area to the town of Moondust. It was truly something to see the difference between the modern world and the faux old. Zevran’s look of surprise was quite amusing to watch, and Redren couldn’t help but comment.

“Ah, the world of Ferelden is much different than that of your native Antiva, no?”

“Very much so,” he nodded. “As lovely as it seems, it’s much too cold and stinks of wet dog!” Dog whined at his laugh. “Now, assassinations and political corruption, that’s home!” They walked to the old barn that had been changed into a community guild hall, complete with a convincingly realistic electric candle and iron chandelier. Over the years, people had added to the hall, the druids, elves, and forest witches hanging potted plants from the rafters and arranging pots of magical incense on the tables that lined the walls. Healing crystals painted in glow-in-the-dark paint were arranged around the entire compound as well. At night, the forest had a soft glow to it as the rocks emitted their light and the fireflies danced around them.

After the introduction of Zevran was finished, King Cailan formally inviting him to Moondust, they headed out into the former cow field that’d been turned into an outdoor festival space, and housed the battlefield further back. They still had two cows, however, lovingly named Ondai, Giver of Life, and Seotayss, Lord of the Green. Zevran had found that fact quite amusing. Since it was still fairly early in the morning and the community plans weren’t laid out until one in the afternoon, they had time to find some of their fellow LARP-ers.

“It had brought a painted elf?” Redren heard Shale say from behind him.

“I have, and may I say it’s nice to see you again, Shale. I missed you last month!”

“There were pigeons on the way here, so I spent the weekend doing a service to the world.” She said, deadpan. Shale, or, out of character, Shayle, was a stone butch, gender-indifferent, towering, muscled woman. Her character was a tank of a golem, her face painted grey, matching her stone-like armor. She had some of the witches add in crystals, which gave her special magical resistance. Shale only referred to people as their defining feature. Or, instead of 'you,’ she said 'it.’ Shale used to be a dwarven warrior, but had undergone a surgery of sorts to become a golem. She did not regret it, as it made her much better than her inferior, squishy comrades.

“I am honored to be in the presence of such a beautiful warrior,” Zevran flirted. His character was turning out to be even more of flirt than his usual self. Redren wasn’t complaining.

“If by beautiful, it means strong, then I agree.”

“Why not both?”

“A truly unique creature, the painted elf is.”

“Thank you!” Zevran said, patting the golem on the arm. Lord, did he look tiny next to her! Shale wandered off in the heavy-set fashion of hers to speak with her fellow warrior, Sten. Nobody knew his name outside of the LARP, but the Qunari warrior was an amazing roleplayer. He never broke character, never smiling and always talking formally. The only time he broke character was when someone had asked him why he didn’t have horns, he simply replied with 'angered housecat,’ and never elaborated. He was an incredibly muscled and tall African man, with silvery white cornrows, and always wore red contact lenses. He said that he came as a sort of messenger for the Qunari, and stayed in order to observe how the foreigners lived.

“So, Zevran,” Redren asked, turning to his elven companion. “How do you like Ferelden?”

“It’s certainly unique, and I say that in the best of ways. And as much as I love Antiva, these people, many of them are quite pleasurable to look at!” He winked at Redren, making the mage pull his wizard’s hat over his eyes to hide him blush. Zevran laughed, and bumped his shoulder into Redren’s. “Are all mages so bashful?”

“Being raised by the Circle Tower of Magi, I have very little experience with flirts such as yourself,” he muttered. “And the elder witch Wynne wasn’t very willing to let her apprentices fool around with each other!” He was laughing, still embarrassed.

“I am not a mage, nor one of your lovely Wynne’s apprentices,” he said, teasing.

“You’re about three seconds away from being turned into a frog, Crow.”

“No I’m not,” he chuckled. “Assassins are quite good at detecting lies, you know. And you, my lovely mage, are enjoying this attention, aren’t you?”

“I cast a spell of silence,” Redren laughed, pressing a finger to Zevran’s lips. “It may only be removed when I say so.” Zevran dropped his jaw in mock betrayal, pressing a hand to his throat, falling to his knees.

Curse you! He mouthed. Both of them laughed at his act, with Zevran putting a hand over his mouth to silence himself.

God, am I enjoying this! Attention and flirting from a very handsome man!

The Horn of Gathering sounded, summoning everyone to the barn. It was one of those plastic bugle horns, but Anora had painstakingly painted it gold, and had even sewn a banner bearing the royal crest to attach to it, so the thing looked really good.

Zevran took a seat between Redren and Alistair, Morrigan and Leliana settling in next to Redren.

“Ladies, gentlemen, and knights,” King Cailan started, standing up from his throne. A couple years back, a non-bianary roleplayer joined, Ser Gilamore. Cailan had made sure to update his saying. “I bring unfortunate news this day. A horde of the undead had been spotted several miles to the north, and are likely to arrive at nine pm tonight. At sundown, all forces are to gather in the middle of the battlefield.” He paced down the middle of the hall, the gold chains decorating his armor chinking together as he moved. “We know not what has caused this invasion, but we will stop it. I have faith in you all, for we will triumph!”

Redren whispered an 'undo curse’ into Zevran’s ear, allowing for him to whoop along with the rest of the hall. The King raised his hand for silence.

“Your Queen Anora has decided to organize an event in the hopes victory will be achieved. I grant her the floor.” He sat as the Queen stood. Her long, beautiful dress trailed along the floor as she walked the same path as her husband. She was a manager of a fabric store, granting her discounts to all the materials she needed to make the beautiful creations.

“In the hopes we are victorious in our coming battle, I have planned a ceremony for Sunday night. I understand that tomorrow is sacred to the witches, druids, and elves as the forest is said to breathe new life at the full moon. Therefore, I invite you all to partake in festivities of your cultures.” Her nose was upturned as she spoke. It was obvious Cailan’s character had twisted his wife’s elbow a bit to get her to say that last part. She was a very, traditional woman. King Cailan was a very open-minded man whereas his wife, not so much. The two rubbed off on another as the years went by, with Cailan becoming a better King, and Anora becoming a better person. The two had a great relationship both in and out of character.

“Now,” King Cailan said, standing next to his wife, “we prepare for battle! You have seven and a half hours to prepare, so I expect a sweeping victory!” A cheer rose up at the King’s words. “Dismissed!”

The hall emptied, with most of the folk wandering outside. Many of the wild elves headed back to the Dalish camp, where tents were set up and a campfire was being started.

“With me,” Morrigan called back, curling her hand in a gesture meant for Zevran and Redren to follow her. Alistair stayed behind to talk strategy with his half-brother. Leliana held the witch’s hand as they walked into the forest North of the Elves’ camp. They came to a tiny hut at the end of a winding dirt path. “I hope you fools appreciate the fact that the bard and I brought your things to the hut earlier.”

“Ah, yeah, thanks Morrigan!” Redren smiled shyly, remembering how he and Zevran had gotten so caught up in everything they hadn’t grabbed their bags from the van.

Dog barked in greeting, as he’d been staying by the hut for a while, likelt taking a nap and re-marking his territory in the woods. Redren greeted the boxer with a pat on the head.

“So,” Zevran started, “I’ve had your Ferelden battle rules explained to me, but I wonder about this plan your King has. In the Crows, it is simply a target and an occasional deadline. Is that how you do things here or…?”

“In Ferelden,” Leliana explained, “the King briefs everyone on the battle strategy, but truly they lack the ability to follow!” The bard giggled. “War in Orlais was much more orderly, no?”

“And war in Antiva was just nobles hiring Crows to kill other nobles! A fine middle ground, this is!” Zevran said, nodding in approval.

“Redren, I have some potions to brew, and I require another mage. Leliana, I believe 'tis wise for you to train with the elf. You improve your skills while Redren and I improve his.”

“Don’t you mean 'ours’?” Redren asked.

“No, I am already better than anyone here. I have no need to improve. You, on the other hand…”

“Oh hush, witch!” Redren sighed. He saw Zevran’s lips quirk up at their banter.

Morrigan’s hut was another world in itself. Fake animal pelts hung from the walls, and wind chimes were hanging from the ceiling like stalactites in a cave. The whole place was a circle, only about eight feet in diameter. Alistair had helped her build it one weekend while the LARP wasn’t going on, and she’d been decorating it for five years ever since. Food dyes acting as magical ingredients were lined up along the shelves, and actual items of witchcraft were scattered among them. Crystals and pebbles were everywhere, and the drying herbs gave the place a strong, but pleasant, smell. Redren could spend hours in the place. Morrigan pulled a heavy book off of one of the shelves, thumping it down on the table. It was a book of Harry Potter potions with the cover changed to make it look like more witch-y. She flipped open to a potion of strength, and began to prepare the ingredients. Sure, it was technically tea, but here, in this little world, it was so much better.

“Light the fire while I prepare,” she said. Redren rolled back his sleeves and cast a fire spell, tossing a match into the tiny wood-burning stove. Morrigan cerimoniously cut off the tops of about five water bottles, pouring them in while chanting. Redren kneeled, presenting her with the box of teabags. She took them, a solemn look on her face as she dumped about six of them into the pot. “Now we wait,” she said, grabbing a wooden spoon and giving the pot a quick stir, repeating the process every couple of minutes.

Redren always enjoyed hanging out with the witch, even if her LARP character was a bit of a pain in the ass. Dog was barking outside, and the sounds of laughter from Leliana and grunt of mild pain from Zevran probably meant nothing good. Redren stayed inside to spare himself from likely seeing Zevran on the ground, an eighty pound boxer on his stomach.

Morrigan and him finished up about an hour later, all the potions put into labeled flasks. Redren wandered outside, and couldn’t help but observe the elf and the bard silently. The way Zevran’s body moved  to dodge the bolts from Leliana’s crossbow was mesmerizing. It’s obvious his time acting and his time at work had combined to make an amazingly flexible and agile man. Leliana was firing at him, a smile on her face as she kept him at bay, holding a dagger in her other hand. Her crossbow was a revamped nerf gun, painted and modified so it hardly looked like the original. Eventually, Zevran got in close, scoring four points before Leliana fell back, landing on the ground with an oomph.

“I’ve been bested once again!” She cried out, in a T-pose on the dirt. “Oh, hello.” She said, looking over at Redren.

“The lovely Leliana has been sparring with me, and I do believe she has underestimated my skills several times over,” Zevran laughed. “Let this be known: the Crows’ training is not one to underestimate!”

“Yes, I’ve gathered that by now,” she sighed. “It’s what, two thirty now? Zevran and I are a bit winded, not to mention I’m at about 1 hp right now, so we might want to take it easy for a bit.”

“Here,” Redren sighed, walking over to the woman 'bleeding’ on the biggest floor. “I cast a spell of full healing to Leliana,” he said, raising his staff. She sat up, breathing out heavily.

“Thank you, my good mage,” she smiled.

“Zevran?” Redren asked. “You’ve got any cuts?”

“Ah, yes I believe one of her bolts hit me about here,” he pointed to the side of his stomach. Redren pressed his fingers to Zevran’s side, muttering a small healing spell. “Is all magic so intimate?” He questioned, raising an amused eyebrow.

“Gross,” Morrigan spat as she walked out of the hut, two trays of flasks chinking together. “Leliana, be a dear and take one of these off my hands.” Leliana happily did as she was asked. These little tasks never failed to earn her favor in battle. Redren stayed back, watching the two walk off, Leliana bouncing as she stepped and Morrigan scolding her.

“Well,” Redren started, turning to Zevran. “Would you like to help me put war paint on him?” He pointed to Dog with his thumb, who stuck his tongue out and barked.

“Sure,” Zevran said. “What’s it do? Or is it simply to make him look cool?”

“The paint,” Redren called back as he grabbed it from inside the house, “improves his attack, as it’s enchanted to give him buffs in battle.” He brought out  the red paint. “Just dip your fingers in and go ahead.” They spent the next couple of minutes swirling the war paint on the boxer’s brown fur, Dog’s tongue happily hanging out of his mouth.

“A fearsome war hound indeed,” Zevran nodded, admiring their work. He’d given Dog a similar set of curves on his chest, so that their tattoos matched.

“Indeed,” Redren echoed with a soft chuckle. “We’ve got quite some time before sunset, so-” He was cut off by the growl of Zevran’s stomach. “Food?” He laughed.

“That sounds like a good idea!” They started walking back to the main area, Dog on their heels. Several of the Druids, nymphs, and forest witches paused their flowercrown making to wave at the odd little trio, one of them tossing a stick to Dog, who happily took the gift. They always spent much of the day before battle partaking in nature rituals. Flowercrowns could be enchanted to prevent all sorts of magical damage or to improve nature magic. All sorts of things.

They walked into the tavern, Silver Lake, and sat down at the bar. The bartender, Rehael the Angel, handed them both goblets of water, which were always on the house. Silver Lake stood by a small pond, The Silver Lake, about two hundred feet from the barn.

“Nice 'ta see ya again, kiddo,” a man next to Redren said. Redren looked to his left, and then quite sharply down to see the man that spoke. Oghren looked up at him. The man was a fellow roleplayer who had hit the nail pretty hard on the head when he decided to roleplay as a dwarf. He was an actual dwarf, standing at 4'6". He’d joined the LARP about two years ago, looking for something to do when he wasn’t doing yardwork. His wife leaving him was what made him actually go look for something to do with his time, and help wean him off of alcohol. He’d been getting better with time. “Ah, an elf!” He growled, looking at Zevran.

“Is this where we re-ignite the age old dwarf/elf rivalry?” Zevran said, taking a sip of his water.

“At least you look pretty itsy, so I think I could take ya,” Oghren shrugged. “Just watch your back, you pointy-eared little weasel,” he wiggled an accusing armored finger.

“Will do, my fine dwarven friend!

"By the stones,” Oghren sighed, the two massive red braids of his beard swinging as he shook his head. He took a sip of his one-quarter-beer-seventy-five-percent-water. Many other patrons came and went from the place as Zevran and Redren ate a late lunch. Rehael struck up a conversation with Zevran, asking the elf all about his former home. Zevran was incredibly good at staying in character, and talked about Antiva and the Crows as if he was actually there. He was constantly animated, and didn’t hesitate to flirt with the bartender. Oghren scoffed at his display, staying true to his standoffish and constantly annoyed character. His giant latex waraxe strapped to his back wobbled as he swung his feet, since they didn’t reach the floor.

Redren was enjoying listening to the two talk while watching the patrons all around him. His character was certainly one who didn’t let anybody escape his sight, making sure to know everyone’s strengths and weaknesses. Just in case. A Cousland came in, his noble aura protruding from every pore in his body. He was pleasant enough once you got to know him, or so Redren was told. The nobleman didn’t exactly like the mages. Or the nymphs, druids, dwarves, or elves. Most nobles seemed to be like that. There weren’t many of them Moondust, as only Cailan and Anora’s good friends could rise to such a rank. They stayed in the Castle, which was a renovated farmhouse. The place certainly looked like a little castle, and was very nice to look at.

“Redren?” Zevran elbowed him gently in the side, making the mage nearly drop his staff. “You ready to head out?”

“Ah, yeah, sorry, was thinking about… stuff.”

“Oh, what kind of stuff?” Zevran smirked at Redren as they stepped out of Silver Lake. “Dirty stuff, I hope.”

“Please stop being so Antivan,” Redren sighed. “And for the record, I was thinking about everyone around here. About how to defeat them if I need to.”

“Ooh, such useful information for an assassin!” He pushed his shoulder against Redren’s arm, looking up at the mage. “Why don’t we find a good place to discuss such things?” His sly smile was not missed by Redren.

“For you, things mean more than any normal person would assume. Thankfully, I am no normal person, Zevran Arainai.”

“Ah, no fun, you are!” He cried out, laughing. “But I still do wish for you to inform me of these notes you take. As someone in your service, I should know all I need to to protect you, no? My Warden, surely you understand what an advantage that would be!”

“Fine, fine,” Redren sighed, giving in to the elf. “I shall teach you most of what I know.”

“Most?”

“Keeping secrets makes me feel more powerful,” He shrugged. “And do you ever plan on, well, leaving my side, or were you secretly hexed in the Tavern?” Redren was glaring down at Zevran, who was all but glued to his arm.

“An assassin thrives in shadow, my dear,” he said lowly. “And that wide-brimmed hat of yours provides much of such a thing.”

“Lord,” Redren muttered. “One would think an Antivan such as yourself would be accustomed to the sun.”

“Oh, I am,” he chuckled. “I just like being so close to you, Redren.”

“Oh.” Redren blanked, letting his character take over his short circuiting brain. “Remind me why I saved your life, again? Lord, elf, you’re far too much for me to handle!” Zevran gave him a smile full of false innocence. “Hush,” Redren laughed, putting a hand on Zevran’s head and ruffling his hair. Zevran let out a gasp and hastily fixed his hair, putting the little braids back into place. He must’ve done them before they picked Redren up. Did Leliana do it? She’s good with hair. They looked very cute.

..

It probably took a good couple of hours to talk about all the people Redren could remember off the top of his head. Of course, he’d gotten off track about a dozen times, and had even started recalling a time about a year ago when Cailan had given the elves full reign for a weekend due to them staging an uprising the month before. They’d been tired of not being able to practice their magic in public, and the final straw had been the arrests of an entire little camp of elves for growing oregano, which they called Elfroot, without permission from the King and Queen. They’d argued about how it was all contained in pots and such, but the Queen had not been lenient. He had a feeling the King was still trying to get on the non-humans’ good sides. He hardly noticed how long they’d been talking.

“Ferelden certainly has a fun history,” Zevran commented, giving Dog absent-minded pats on the head.

“Do you have any sorties of Antiva?” Redren was curious about what he’d come up with.

“Oh, my turn is it?” He leaned back on his arms. “What is it you wish to know of Antiva? The Crows? The women? The men?”

“What about the Crows? Surely you must have stories about such an infamous group.”

“Why of course!” He took a deep breath, a lazy smile on his face. “The Crows are known all throughout Antiva as the most reliable group of assassins, as well as the most expensive. They keep their, shall we say, workforce, well fed and entertained, even if it’s the guild masters making the real coin.” He sighed. “A gilded cage it is, lovely but confining. Sure, killings are fun, but freedom, that’s much better. But now that you have removed me from that life, I’m not sure what to do, what should I take advantage of it for?” It was obvious he was simply switching up some details from his life in Spain as a sex worker. He didn’t look upset by it, more indifferent if anything. Of course, he could be lying, keeping a blank face and staying in his fairly aloof character, but Redren couldn’t pick up on it.  

“Well, you’re certainly welcome to stay by my side.” Redren said, a faint blush on his cheeks. “I have reason to believe you’d be quite useful.”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” he smiled, leaning forward. “And soon, you’ll be begging to be rid of me!”

“If it comes to that, I have quite a few spells for, shall we say, an effective disposal?”

“Sounds fun!” Zevran went on for a while more, casually building up his world and character, talking about how he’d always wanted to get to know the wild elves. He’d grown up in Antiva City, and had never gotten the opportunity to see the Dalish.

They fell into a comfortable silence, the chirping of birds and insects providing background noise.

“Zevran?” Redren asked after a couple minutes of quiet.

“Yes?”

“I have no idea what time it is.”

“Neither do I,” he laughed, looking up at the sky. He held a hand up to shield his eyes from the sun. “But it seems we’ve been here for quite a while.” The sun was nearly starting to set.

“Let’s see,” Redren thought, “we left the tavern at what, quarter to four? It must be nearly seven now!” Zevran and him laughed in shock. “God, why did you let me ramble on so long? Truly you can’t find Ferelden stories that interesting to let me go on like that.”

“Maybe.” Zevran shrugged, and leaned forward to press a finger to Redren’s chest. “But I find you very interesting.”

“Bloody flirt,” Redren scoffed, looking away to hide his embarrassment. “Truly, you tempt me to use a silencing spell again.”

“You like my voice too much,” Zevran said. “Or else you wouldn’t have have let me go on for so long.” Point taken.

“Shouldn’t we start heading back? If the King wants us at the battlefield starting at sundown, that means we’ve got about an hour and a half.”

“You’re quite dedicated to the rules, my dear mage.” Zevran remarked.

“Do you think I’m so dedicated because I wish to be? No, it’s more of a debt I owe to this place than anything.”

“A debt?”

“Why don’t we talk while we make our way back? We can take a longer route if you wish.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Zevran said, standing up. “And I think I really need to stretch my legs before battle, as it’s never good for an assassin to have his leg asleep in combat!”

“Seems wise to avoid that, yes,” Redren said with a soft laugh. “Come on, Dog,” he added, the boxer getting up happily. His stumpy little tail wagged as the three walked down the rock-lined paths.

“You mentioned something earlier,” Zevran said a couple minutes into their walk. “I’d like to hold you to your promise to explain.”

“I was hoping you’d forget,” he laughed shyly.

“A Crow remembers, my dear, best keep that in mind.”

Redren took a deep breath. “Back in The Circle, I was always treated differently. I wasn’t allowed to be what I was, blood magic isn’t exactly something people find endearing.” What a thinly veiled metaphor, dumbass, he chastised himself. “So I had to hush everything, keep my head down. Alistair was a Templar, a prominent guard type order that made my life a living hell,” he laughed without humor. “I thought he was going to be like the rest, but he offered me a chance to escape. He got me out of that place one weekend a month. Right under the Head Witch Wynne’s nose, too!” Zevran was staring at him, with unusual silence. “This place really saved me, you know,” he rested his staff on his shoulder. “It’s special like that. Gives all sorts of people chances to be what they are, whether it be a Blood Mage or an assassin. I really think I owe Alistair my life, so I’m honored to fight alongside him, no matter what.”

“I see,” Zevran said quietly. “I have no story like your’s but I do believe this has been, good for me. After all, I met you, no?”

“That you did,” Redren smiled. “I can certainly say that we have met.”

“And you’re back to being a pain in the ass,” he laughed. “It’s endearing!”

“It’s likely nearly eight and we’re yet to get back is what it is.”

“Oh, the rumors that will be spread! A several hour long rendezvous in the woods is worth talking about, isn’t it?”

“Hush it!” He gave Zevran a swift little hit with his staff.

“You wound me! May I have a healing spell, please?” He put a finger to his cheek, batting his eyelashes jokingly.

“You’ll regenerate that health in a minute, you baby,” he waved his hand dismissively.

“Aawwee! Am I your baby now?”

“In need of constant supervision, incredibly tiny, wounded so grievously by a minuscule hit? Yes, you are an infant.”

“You’re an angry little mage!” He was shaking his head, flipping a dagger absent-mindedly. “Honestly, releasing a bit of that pent-up tension could benefit us all.”

“Bloody Antivans,” Redren muttered.

..

They managed to get to the battlefield about thirty seconds before King Cailan did, standing in the back eating two ham sandwiches they picked up from Silver Lake. Cailan went into a a speech about the dangers of Necromancy and unsupervised magic, and that Maria, the only practicing necromancer, was to be executed tomorrow morning. This would be her eleventh execution in two years, since she had enchanted herself using necromancy. She let out a whoop as a gaurd carried her in the fireman position to the shame cage.

“We will try to deal with her,” he sighed. “As I was saying, those with ranged weapons are to stay behind the fence and funnel the undead through the gates. I require two mages to stay and guard the Guild Hall. Rogues are to attempt get behind the horde to backstab, and warriors are to attack head-on.” He raised his sword. “For Ferelden!” The crowd echoed his chants. There were about seventy people in the field, and sixty waiting in the forest. Twenty people were non-combatants, staying behind to guard their shops. Alrael of Silver Lake was a healer, and one of the most valuable in battle. His darker completion gave him higher stealth at night, making him able to sneak past enemy lines to revive the fallen. His glitter-covered black deadlocks were always a sign of God’s favor in combat. The troops were given a couple minutes to do any last minute preparations.

“Hey!” Alistair called out, waving to Redren and Zevran.

“Nice to see you, my friend,” Zevran smiled.

“Don’t do that with me, assassin,” he frowned. “I went to the witch earlier since I couldn’t find you two anywhere, and she said you two had been in the woods for hours! What on Earth were you doing?” Zevran grinned, and Alistair quickly retracted his statement. “You know what, nevermind. What mages and elves get up to in the forest by themselves is not something I need to know.”

“Alistair!” Redren whisper-yelled. “It wasn’t anything like that!”

“I can’t believe a fellow Grey Warden would doubt my skills of perceptiveness so much!” He faked hurt.

“Alistair, Zevran’s being Zevran.” He deadpanned. “Please don’t take anything he says like that with complete faith.”

“Wounded again!” Zevran sighed, leaning with his back against Redren.

“You two are way too much for me to handle,” Alistair said. “I’m glad you’re heading up and I’m staying back with the warriors!” He walked off with a laugh.

“You don’t know when to quit, do you?” Redren laughed, looking down at the elf slumped against his side.

“And if I did, I wouldn’t have picked the assassination job, and I wouldn’t be here with you right now.” Zevran looked up at Redren, who’s mouth was opening and closing, unable to form words to respond. Thankfully, he was spared the need to respond by the sounding of the war horn.

“Let’s go,” Redren said in a relieved exhale. Zevran seemed to forget the exchange in a heartbeat, excitedly running side by side with Redren to engage in combat. Every one of the “undead” had red glow necklaces around their necks, a sign of the magic reanimating them. They had ten health points each, making them a bit tougher than regular players. Redren took his place behind the fence, crouching down and waiting for the horde to get within range. He saw Zevran darting among the trees, ducking behind one and facing Redren. He flashed the mage a wide smile, Redren happily returning it. He heard footsteps behind him, and saw Leliana approach, crouching next to him.

“Bonjour,” she greeted, chugging one of Morrigan’s offensively strong potion-teas. It made her shudder and gain a small bonus to defense. She was already more resilient than Redren, as she wore actual armor, and he only had a robe to defend himself. Mages weren’t the best with armor, though Morrigan was making an active choice to basically flash her tits to the enemy. The stun effect did work, so he gave her credit for that.

Soon enough, the undead were within range, and since the sun had set, they were easy to spot. Oghren and a couple others were heard activating their Beserker abilities, war cries ringing out across the field and carrying into the forest. Redren felt himself falling into the familiar rhythm. An initial hit with the staff: 1 point. A spell of gore: 2 points and 1 point bonus every hit afterward. Dodging, nearly tripping. Another jab with the staff: 2 points. Halfway down. A spell of paralysis and another hit: 2 points. A spell of manipulation, causing the paralysis to wear off, and the target to harm themselves: 3 points. The fellow combatant fell to the ground in defeat. He gave a quick wave to his foe and ran off to heal anybody calling for assistance. The process was repeated many times. He saw Alistair and Oghren fighting near each other, with Shale and Sten not too far behind. Leliana was firing off bolts next to Morrigan, and Zevran was darting between the enemies, weakening them two points with a backstab so that the warriors could finish them off.

..

After the battle, everyone but Maria was called to the Guild Hall for an after-battle speech. Redren zoned out for most of it, his eyes slowly looking around for Zevran. The elf was nowhere in sight, so he assumed he was stuck behind someone of an average height. Eventually, Cailan stopped talking, and Anora dismissed the players.

“Finally,” he heard Zevran say from behind him. “I was stuck behind some human, and I do not appreciate being hid behind a wall of flesh,” he paused, adding, “clothed flesh, that is.”

“So,” Redren asked, pulling out a chair next to him for the elf, “how was your first battle in Ferelden? Different then Antivan assassinations, I take it.”

“Oh, it was great!” Zevran was beaming, leaning forward on his chair, his hands pressed into the seat between his legs. “The opportunities to backstab were everywhere, and the chaos! Oh, it reminds me of the time The Crows were hired to take out half of a royal family! Now that was a bloodbath,” he sighed in fond memory. “Nothing like a good bloodbath, eh?”

“I completely agree,” Redren smiled. “I always enjoy battle, it really gets the blood pumping, doesn’t it?”

“It does!” Zevran said, exhaling. “So, I presume we’re sleeping at Morrigan’s hut in the woods, yes?”

“It may be cramped, but yes,” Redren said, a bit of a grimace on his face. “We,” he sighed. “We may need to share a bedroll.”

“How every great story starts, no?”

“I am begging you not to get any ideas.”

“Too late, my Warden, too late.”

“I assumed as much,” Redren laughed. “Shall we get going? Magic really drains me, especially the blood magic I was using.”

“What kind of magic is that?” Zevran asked, looking up at Redren. “The Crows, we rarely have magic-users, so I know very little of such arts.”

Redren launched into an explanation of how blood magic worked, lasting a good couple minutes. They had gotten about twenty feet into the forest when Zevran stopped, staring ahead. The path was lit softly by dimly glowing stones, giving the forest floor a winding green river. Redren couldn’t really appreciate the view, however, as he was transfixed with the way the fireflies’ yellow lights reflected in Zevran’s honey-coloured eyes. He didn’t even notice when the other man’s eyes shifted to look into his own until he blinked.

“Sorry,” he sighed.

“What are you apologizing for, Redren?” Zevran’s soft smile sent a wave of nausea through Redren’s stomach.

“Nothing, old habit,” he shrugged. “Most people don’t appreciate strange looks from strange mages.”

“I am not most people,” he laughed, turning back to the path and walking ahead. Redren had to jog a bit to catch up. They eventually made it to Morrigan’s dwelling, where a small campfire had been lit. Morrigan and Leliana were in their nightgowns, sitting on a log. Dog seemed to have followed Leliana back, as he was asleep a couple feet from the fire.

“And they finally return,” Morrigan said, not looking up from the fire. “I’ve been waiting for you two. Leliana insists waiting up for you fools.”

“That I do, yes,” she laughed, looking up at Zevran and Redren. “I wanted to make sure you were coming back, and not spending more time in the woods.” She smirked. “Reminds me of Orlais,” she sighed fondly. Redren as thankful for the dark as it helped hide his blush a bit.

“Unfortunately our lovely mage has not only a sick for magic, but one up his ass, as well,” Zevran lamented, making Leliana giggle.

“Don’t worry, eventually they come around. Right, dear?”

“Please remove your hand from my thigh, bard, before I turn you into an actual brainless songbird.”

“Why don’t you two go get changed into your nightclothes? Just tell us when you’re done.” Leliana shooed them inside.

Zevran started stripping the second the door shut, not giving Redren enough time to breathe. The man’s chest was clean shaven, matching his arms and legs. His tattoos also seemed to not be limited to his face, as they stretched around his body like serpents. He shook his head, undoing the think brown ribbon that held his robe together. He undid the two buttons that held the sides of the fabric together as well, holding the robe together loosely with his hand as he reached into his backpack to grab his nightclothes. He turned away from Zevran and slid on the long pair of brown pajama pants, allowing the robe to slide off before he put his white tank top on.

“And here I was hoping for a show,” Zevran lamented as Redren turned back around. The man wore nothing but a pair of short, very short, shorts. He was sadly removing his elf ears, as they were unfortunately uncomfortable to sleep in. He set them on the side table that he’d placed his armor on. “Back in The Crows,” he stated, “nobody ever changed in front of each other, as the most vulnerable a person is is when they’re in the nude. A shame you have no such trust,” he tsked.

“I’m not falling for that, assassin,” Redren laughed. “And here,” he took off his shirt, tossing it to Zevran. “Please be decent. If not for me, then for the women.”

“A fine compromise, my friend,” he nodded as he slipped the top over his shoulders. It was slightly large on him length-wise, covering up to the very ends of his shorts. Redren opened the door and nodded his head to the girls, indicating that they were changed. Dog was asked to stay outside, as Morrigan did not want him in the hut. Morrigan took her place on her bedroll, Leliana following suit, squishing herself up against the unamused witch. Redren laid down on the floor, and scooted over to make room for Zevran. Not that there was much room to make, though.

He could feel Zevran pressing into him, heating his left side up like it was on fire. He’d never shared a bed with anyone else, a bit of sad thought for someone in their early twenties, but still, the feeling wasn’t all too welcome. It was hot, the fake fur blanket heating the bedroll like a sauna. He stared at the ceiling, and knew Zevran was doing the same. The only light was from an electric tea candle that rested on a high shelf on the other side of the hut, ten feet away, since the campfire had been doused before the girls came in. He could hear Zevran’s breathing slow down, an indication that he was falling asleep. Leliana was already out cold, and Morrigan hadn’t been long after her. Despite the discomfort he’d previously felt, Redren started to enjoy lying next to Zevran, and he felt himself being soothed by the man’s steady breathing. His eyes started to feel heavy, and before he knew it, the world faded softly to black.

…

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was that he was in a completely different position. He’d started off on his back, and now he was on his left side. His right leg and arm were wrapped around Zevran, in what was likely an incredibly right grip. He had also managed to shift up, so that Zevran’s head was nestled underneath his own. All in all, a very cuddle-y position. Shit.

“Now now, no need for such language,” he jumped when Zevran spoke, right out of his previous position.

“I am so sorry!” He apologized, his face red.

“No no,” Zevran laughed, sitting up. “It has been a while since I’ve shared my bed with another, and never so innocently!” His tone was both mocking and sincere.

“Well I, for one, am very happy I didn’t end up like your previous bedmates,” he sighed.

“Ravised by a very beautiful Antivan elf?”

“Likely dead, judging by your career.”

“I suppose one never came without the other,” he shrugged. “But since I am now serving you, I can assure that you’d only get the one.” He stood up, stretching, and Redren couldn’t help but notice how  Zevran was wearing his shirt, and about how it rode up slightly when he stretched, exposing a tiny bit of his toned stomach. “Staring, are we?” Zevran laughed.

“That killing you offered sounds very nice.”

Zevran just chuckled, getting into his armor. Redren followed suit, almost not noticing how he mindlessly started changing without being so nervous. He pulled on his robe, and was nearly ready to drag Zevran out of the hut since he was taking a very long time, when he felt him arm being grabbed.

“And where do you think you’re going? Perhaps this is a Ferelden mage thing, and I’m being culturally insensitive, but as I’m supposed to be serving and protecting you, I cannot allow you to go out of this place without your hair brushed!” He shook his head in mock dismay, grabbing the brush from the table and gently shoving the mage to the floor. He started at the ends, holding Redren’s long ginger hair as he worked through the knots that had managed to appear while he was sleeping. As he worked, Redren felt himself slowly leaning back, relaxing into the other man’s touch. He didn’t say anything, but Redren could tell Zevran was enjoying his reaction. “Done.”

“Ah,” Redren ran a hand through his hair. “Thanks.” He glanced over at the wall clock, which claimed it was already eleven.

“It was my pleasure,” He smiled. “And based on your facial expression, it was your pleasure, too.”

“Let’s just get going.”

“Lead the way,” Zevran bowed, putting on his ear extensions. 

..

The day was in all honesty, a blur. King Cailan staged another execution for Maria, who laid down on a slab for about ten minutes before she sat up and went to the tavern for a drink. Anora gathered everyone in the hall for another speech, starting the celebrations, and begrudgingly allowing the magic-users to use magic. Redren and Zevran met up with Morrigan, Leliana, and Alistair, and decided to simply have a good time, eating and watching Leliana break out her recorder and show off her bardic skills. They all sat and watched her, Zevran being the most interested. He had known she was a music student, but Leliana had a gift for recorder covers for basically anything. She was a strange talent all in herself.

The day flew by, like all other Sundays seemed to. The moon had come out, hanging big and bright in the night sky. It was full, and the sky was perfectly clear. Out here in the countryside, the stars were in full view. Many of the witches, wizards, and other magic users were performing ceremonies. He wasn’t a big part of such things, and as a blood mage, he wasn’t big on nature magic. Morrigan was messing around with Leliana, prodding her with her staff, making the bard giggle.

He got so swept up in everything, he hardly noticed Zevran’s hand on his shoulder.

“Would you mind talking to me for a moment?” He didn’t wear his usual carefree smile, so Redren wasn’t sure what he was feeling. “I promise it’s not anything bad,” he said, reassuring Redren with a hand on his shoulder.

“Alright,” he agreed. “Would you like to go somewhere more private, or…?”

“That would be appreciated, yes.” Zevran grabbed Redren’s hand, and hoped the other man couldn’t feel how nervous he was. Zevran took him back to the forest, where it was dark enough for only the glowing rocks to be visible underneath the cover of the the trees. The moon lit the area, soft rays of light dancing as the trees swayed in the slight breeze.

“What,” Redren started. “Uh, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“I wanted to offer you my gratitude,” he said, looking down for a moment. “I’ve had,” he paused, and looked up at the taller man, “I have had so much fun.” His smile was wide. “I wanted to thank you, for making all this possible for me.”

“No, no, it was really Leliana. You, you shouldn’t be, you shouldn’t be thanking me,” Redren said, stumbling over his words.

“But you could’ve easily told her no, that you didn’t want anyone else in your group,” he countered.

“But-”

“Oh hush,” Zevran laughed. “Can’t I just say thank you? If anything, simply for being so sweet to me.” Redren wasn’t sure what to say, and he didn’t have to. Zevran stood up on his tip-toes, gently grabbing the back of Redren’s neck to pull him down. He placed his lips on Redren’s, and kissed him. Redren’d never been kissed before, and he could hardly think. It wasn’t a fevered exchange, or heavy, or passionate. It was just, soft and incredibly romantic. What else to expect from an Antivan? He thought, closing his eyes and pressing a hand to the small of Zevran’s back.

Eventually, Zevran pulled away, breathing fairly heavily. Redren was sure he was, too.

“If that wasn’t wanted,” he started, looking apologetic, “I’m incredibly sorry, but I-”

“Oh don’t worry,” Redren cut him off, laughing a bit to hide his excitement. “That was not unwanted!”

“Ah, good!” Zevran said, letting out a relieved breath. “You just looked so shocked, I wasn’t sure!”

“Well, I mean, I’ve never really been kissed before, so…” Zevran looked at him like he was insane. “Are you kidding m-” the sound of a dog barking cut him off.

“There you two are!” Alistair called out, jogging to where they were, Dog on his heels. “It’s getting late, and… wait, what are you two doing?” He squinted, looking at them in the low light.

“Is it such a crime to want to get to know your fellow Grey Warden better?”

“You know what? I don’t want to know. Morrigan and Leliana have already packed stuff up, and I was sent to retrieve you for the closing, which is in like, ten minutes.”

They followed him back to the field, where King Cailan was standing on a wooden box, Anora on the grass next to him.

“I thank you all for coming,” he began, a smile on his face. “It has been an amazing weekend, and I hope to see you all next month! We are incredibly thankful for the turnout, and I hope we only continue to grow!” Anora took the makeshift stage, breaking character to smile.

“And I would like to say, that regardless of magic ability or race, you all contribute something to make this place special,” She put a hand to her chest. “And I thank you.”

Everyone eventually dispersed, heading back to their cars. Morrigan and Leliana came over to where Zevran, Redren, Aliastair, and Dog were, holding backpacks, including Alistair’s, which he’d left with them when he went to find Zevran and Redren.

“Time to head out,” Leliana sighed. She led them back to the van, tossing their things into the back. Morrigan once again took the wheel, as not only was it her mother’s van, but she was the only one who could stay awake reliably the whole way back.

“So,” she started, looking in the rear-view mirror at the rest of the people in the back, “how was your first LARP, my elven companion?” Zevran launched into an excited explanation of how much he loved it, that he had an amazing time, and that he’d be honored if they invited him back.

“Of course we’ll invite you again!” Leliana laughed from the passenger seat. “You were very fun to have along!” She looked back to where Alistair was, raising an eyebrow at the mildly concerned expression on his face. “What’s up, Alistair? Got something on your mind?”

He took a deep breath. “Redren and Zevran were shagging in the woods!”

“Alistair!” Redren yelled, more shocked than upset.

“I’m so proud!” Morrigan laughed. “Finally!”

“Morrigan!”

“Losing your virginity at a LARP? Wonderful!”

“I did not!”

“Awww, a shame,” Leliana sighed. “I thought we were one in the same, there!”

“What?” Redren and Alistair said at the same time, making Zevran suppress a laugh.

“What? I had a beautiful witch offer me a dark ritual in the woods, and I accepted! Had a great time, got a girlfriend and a permanent plus three health!”

“So that’s where that bonus came from…” Redren muttered.

“You know, my lovely Morrigan, you’ve given me an idea,” Zevran said before he was quickly shushed by Redren’s hand over his mouth.

“Don’t.” He narrowed his eyes. “Lick this hand all you want, I don’t fear it. I’ve had that mouth on my mouth.” Zevran’s response of good point was muffled.

Eventually, they all fell into quiet, the hum of the van as it drove through the night calming.

…

The next LARP was amazing. As was the next, and the next, and the next. He and Zevran had officially become a thing, and he couldn’t be happier about it. Dog truly was the only one Alistair had now. Redren had worked up the neve to give Zevran the pair of Dalish leather gloves he’d embroidered. Zevran wore them all winter long. Their whole little group had been invited to one of Zevran’s theatre productions, and Redren couldn’t have been a prouder boyfriend. He could tell that the Live Action Role Playing had helped, as his character tame through in every line. And God, did he look good! How Redren had managed to snag someone like that, he’d never know.

Grandma Wynne had been supportive, and if anything, too supportive, saying things like It’s a changing world! or I’m so happy you could find someone! General happy grandma things. Zevran made sure to visit him almost every morning, sitting at the barstools and watching Redren wait tables. Redren had even visited Zevran at his job, although such an experience wasn’t exactly good for his more innocent heart.

All in all, they were very content to be the nerds they were.

[gulgbtqplus]

Meet the Committee

We have 15 committee members who work together to run the society;

1. President: Chris, He/Him, president@gulgbtqplus.com

Hey! I’m Chris and I’m your president this year! I’m a second year student studying English Lit & Sociology, and I’m really excited to do some wonderful things with the society this year, it’s definitely one of my favourite things about university. I’ll be your first port of call if you have any general enquiries, ideas or requests for the society, but feel free to email me if you want some advice or to chat or meet up before an event too! We try to make our society as accessible and welcoming as possible, but I know that attending an event for the first time can be scary, so it is always good to know a friendly face.

Outside of the society you can mainly find me watching terrible romcoms, looking after my plants and tweeting bad jokes. I’m pretty noticeable out and about on campus as i’m always wearing dungarees and eternally glittery so don’t be afraid to say hi! (I’m nice I promise)

2. VP Secretary: Kit, They/Them, vpsecretary@gulgbtqplus.com

Howdy, I’m Nadia and I’m the Secretary VP! I’m a second year Scottish Literature student but I’ve changed my degree so many times that I may be studying something completely different by the time you’re reading this (basically I’m mainly at university for GULGBTQ+). In my free time I’m usually crafting, watching movies, and maintaining meticulous power points on the pets of US presidents. If you have any queries about anything to do with the society or you just want a chat feel free to email or drop me a message on facebook.

3. VP Treasurer: Finn, They/Them, vptreasurer@gultgbt.co.uk

Hey I’m Finn, I use they/them pronouns and I’m vp treasurer! The society is the only reason I ever leave the house, but I do supposedly study English Lit & History of Art. I’m very excited to be back on committee this year and hope I can do my best to keep the society from being as broke as I am xx

4. Events: Rachel, She/Her, events@gulgbtqplus.com

Hi everyone! I'm Rachel and I'm overly excited to be your Events Officer for this year. I study Theatre and Sociology and will be in my 4th year and writing my dissertation this coming year so please be kind to me. I have been a member of the Committee since my first year and I am overall just a huge gay. When I'm not being a queer activist you can find me at gigs, in charity shops, on the polo dance floor or drinking £3 wine. Let's be friends, feel free to add me on Facebook "Rachel Aitken" or drop me an email, I'm more than happy to meet up before an event if you're feeling nervous or want a gay clubbing partner in crime, I'm just back from studying abroad for a year in Australia so want to meet all the new faces I can! Also if you have any event suggestions pls hit me up xxx

5. Campaigns: Carlie, She/Her, campaigns@gulgbtqplus.com

Hello! I’m Carlie and I’m a second year student studying history and sociology. I can usually be found on the tenth floor of the library despairing about Tocqueville, but other than that I cross-stitch and try to keep all my house plants alive. Feel free to email me, or DM me on Twitter (@carliejas) about any campaigns you think we should support or just to give me gardening tips.

6. Welfare: Maddy, She/Her, welfare@gulgbtqplus.com

Maddy, pronouns she/her I’m a second year med student and I’m 24 I like playing rugby and meeting people’s pets, and I am very excited to be welfare officer this year I’m very open to questions and suggestions so feel free to drop me an email or come find me crying in the library

7. Publicity: Sera, She/Her, publicity@gulgbtqplus.com

Hi, my name is Sera, I’m 20, I’m very trans, and I’m the publicity officer. I am in 2nd year of a computer science degree and I am extremely online. My main interests are in tech and managing systems, as well as automation, and I do most of the behind-the-scenes work for the society that involves an internet connection

I run in a lot of hobby as well as LGBT circles and you’ll rarely find me off of social media, I have a twitter @seraxis and a discord Sera ♪#0573 where you can bother me as much as you’d like. I take ideas for social media campaigns and how to spread further awareness about LGBT issues around campus and through the society.

But most importantly: I never stop posting.

8. Women’s: Jemma, She/Her, womens@gulgbtqplus.com

Hey I'm Jemma, I'm a fourth year Virology student and I am really excited to be your women's officer for this year.  I love going to gigs, baking, creating memes that only about 4 people find funny and tweeting them, and most of all: the Boyd Orr. You be able find me at most main events as well as during Lesbian Coffee and Knit the Rainbow, the GULGBTQ+ crafting group that I’ll be running this year. This society has been very important to my time at university and I want others to have as good an experience as I did so if you want to chat or want to meet up before an event contact me via email. Hope we all have a gay old time this year!

9. Men’s: Quinn, He/Him, mens@gulgbtqplus.com

Hi, I’m Quinn and I’m your mens officer. I am going into my third year studying economic & social history and have been going to society events since I started uni although this is my first time on committee. I am here for all men, male-aligned and questioning members of the society. I spend most of my time trying to work, watching films and Netflix and I love spending time with new people – and dogs, dogs are great. If you have any queries, questions, ideas or concerns please feel free to contact me via email. I look forward to this being the best year yet!

10. Non-Binary: Niamh, They/Them, nonbinary@gulgbtqplus.com

hi, I'm Niamh and I'm the nonbinary officer! I'm 19 and in second year studying psychology & neuroscience. I've been in the society for a year now and hope to help make next year even better. As nonbinary officer I want to make sure everyone feels welcomed, so feel free to drop me a message if you want to meet up before an event or just have a chat! Outside of being gay my hobbies include art, clown makeup, new wave, and kendo. I look forward to spending time with you all next year, let's make it a good'n!

11. Trans & Intersex: Noah, He/Him, trans@gulgbtqplus.com

What's up, I'm Noah, I'm your trans and intersex officer! I'm currently studying maths (rip me) and I’m in second year. My job as trans and intersex officer is to represent all things gender related! My hobbies include playing the drums & guitar, and doing my signature dance moves in polo. I am open and friendly so if you want a chat or need anything feel free to contact me. I look forward to working on committee and meeting lots of new cool people!!

12. Bi/Pan: Michael, They/Them, bi@gulgbtqplus.com

Hi, I'm Michael your bi/pan officer for the year. I'm 21 and a biochemistry student in third year. I know - queer people in science! I'm shocked too! I look forward to meeting everyone at

bi/pan coffee (the coolest coffees, as voted by me).

My hobbies include a love of musical theatre, sci-fi, drinking and making a fool of myself for my friends. If you'd like to talk to me about literally anything you can use email, Facebook or twitter or pretty much any other social media cause that's where is spend most of my life anyway.

13. International Students: Bianca, She/Her, international@gulgbtqplus.com

Hi! I’m Bianca, and I’m the new international students’ officer! I’m a small, almost 19-year-old Italian who studies English Language and Linguistics & Theatre Studies. When I’m not crying about English phonetics, I’m probably binge-watching some (gay) show on Netflix, or getting more emotionally invested than I should in some (gay) book, while listening to the soundtrack of some (gay – but do I even need to say it?) musical. I’m a Gryffindor, I like horse riding, theatre and ice skating, and my one life aspiration is to one day ride a dragon. Or turn into a dragon and destroy my enemies. Either one works. I promise, I’m actually a nice and approachable person and I understand that moving to a new country can be overwhelming, so I’m ready to help you with whatever you need if you feel like you need advice on how to adapt to the terrible Scottish weather or you just want to chat about how un-comprehensible the Glaswegian accent is (trust me, we’ve all been there). Just send me an email! I’m also Italian, so I will probably gesture excitedly at you while we all get coffee together for the International Coffee that I’ll be running. I’m looking forward to meeting you all, and I hope you have a great (and gay) time in Glasgow!

14. Postgraduate & Mature Students: Prachi, She/Her, postmat@gulgbtqplus.com

Hello everyone! I’m Prachi and I am the Postgraduate and Mature students officer this year. I represent the slightly older members of the society. I will mainly be running the postgrad and mature student coffees this year, which is a great way to meet new people in the LGBTQ+ community! I am currently doing a Masters in Cancer Sciences. Other than spending time on school and the society, I also enjoy videogames, movies (huge Disney junkie!), music and just generally chilling with people. If you’d like to contact me, you can find me on Facebook or just shoot me an email anytime. Looking forward to meeting everyone!

15. First Year Ordinary Member: Emily, She/Her, firstyearom@gulgbtqplus.com

Hi! I'm your friendly local First Year Ordinary Member. My name is Emily and I'm a first year (surprise, surprise) Psychology student trying to work out my way around this strange Uni system. I enjoy drawing and painting, musical theatre, playing tabletop or video games, being a 'Mum friend', and making socially awkward jokes to hide when I'm nervous. I'll be spending this year joining all the societies that I've been told I HAVE to join in first year, trying to get on with the nine strangers I now live with, attempting to cook, clean and shop for myself, and also somehow keeping up with the work from three subjects which grade me in a way I've never seen before...

No pressure, right?

I hope you will join me in solidarity at First Year Coffee every other Tuesday and we can help each other navigate this strange new world of Glasgow University.

16. Asexual and Aromantic Officer: Summer, They/Them, asexual@gulgbt.co.uk

Hi, I’m Summer and I’m your aro/ace officer for the year! I’m a 21 year old computer science student so you’ll frequently find me programming and going on about Linux. When I’m not doing that I’ll probably be knitting, playing video games, running/planning tabletop rpgs, or watching martial arts movies (or talking incessantly about any of the above)! As aro/ace officer I’m here for everyone who identifies as any variety of asexual and/or aromantic (a/grey/demi/etc), as well as anyone questioning anything at all related. Drop me a message if you want to chat, and I look forwards to a great year with you all!

[bigendering]

Hiya! I know I'm not a male or female. I identify myself in three different ways: 1. non binary, lesbian,trans appachi helicopter 2. Binary, ces , AC130( ya know the one when you get an 11 killstreak in mw2) 3. Straight, sometimes homosexual (only when I'm crunk and really horny) standard attack helicopter. I've been ridiculed, beaten, disowned by my parents, family and friends. I have no one to turn to. I feel ashamed and like I have a mental illness. Please help! Am I valid?

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

We actually do know how bees fly

Kai

[destielfanfic]

Group Ask #160

Relevant links to find lost fic

previous group asks

spnstoryfinders

Guide to Finding Fic

Guide to Finding Lost Fic

Try this great trick to finding fic

Ask #1 ( @tinydan ): there’s this fic…#1

hi! ive been looking for a fic that i was reading sometime around nov-dec 2015 and im pretty sure it was on ao3? it was a high school au and dean was a jock/popular while cas was bullied and they were together so they had to keep their relationship a secret. this caused like? lots of tension and i remember castiel cheating on dean with ash at one point and he was like on his lap and smoking pot and dean caught them? and im also pretty sure they broke up and cas hooked up with ash. Thanks!

Check out our high school, bullying and secret affair tags

Ask #2 ( @thesparklemaster ): there’s this fic…#2

Do you know the name of a destiel fanfic on AO3 that is a high school au where Cas stares at a window during lunch because the lights are pretty, but Dean thinks he’s looking at him, so he starts to sit by him? I’m also pretty sure that Dean was a senior and Cas was a junior, and there was a kiss in it. Thanks!

Check out the high school tag!

Found by trenchcoatedislandgirl:  The Popular Kid [Gen, 4700 word count] No summary provided

Ask #3 ( @alisajbrown ): there’s this fic…#3

First, I have to mention that I love this place (have for years and just realized that I wasn’t following you recently…like weird?). Anyways, you guys are amazing. Thanks for helping me procrastinate constantly. So I really didn’t want to bother you (know for sure you’re busy), but I truly couldn’t find this fic myself. I looked through tags (yours and Ao3)/recs/spnfinders/google, couldn’t find it. 

What I remember ~ Dean and Cas are living the white picket fence lifestyle. Dean and Sam haven’t seen each other in years. Dean was being physically abused by John in the past and left Sam and John. Sam is unknowingly invited by Charlie to Dean and Cas’ house for dinner. He recently moved to the city they’re in for some reason. They have an reunion and it doesn’t go well. Castiel being Dean’s emotional support. The hazy details…I vaguely remember John still being alive. Sam calling him to say he’s found Dean (not knowing about the abuse) and later punching him. Jess is Sam’s girlfriend??? Again…hazy and may be false but I think it’s worth mentioning. And yes, I know that I remember all of these details, and yet still can’t find the fic. smh It’s like it doesn’t want to be found by me.

Thank you for checking out all our resources!! Let’s see if we can find this! We did it...okay YOU did it! 

Found by @heidi-reads-them-all, stephanie, @with-lights-out and anon:

It’s a Small World (aka the Worst Ride at Disneyland) [M, 45,300 word count] Dean's life didn't start out great. With his mom dying and his father taking him and Sam on wild goose chase after wilder goose chase to track down her killer until Sam couldn't take it anymore and ran off, it pretty much sucked. But now he has Cas. And Cas is great--perfect, even--definitely the best thing that's ever happened to him, even if he isn't quite human. He's been living so long in domestic bliss that he completely forgot to be worried about waiting for the other shoe to drop. Which is, of course, when his giant of a brother strolls back into his life sending Dean into a panic that he and Cas will have to uproot their perfect apple pie life if Sam finds out Cas' big secret.

Ask #4 ( @general-girl ): there’s this fic…#4

Hi! So I’m trying to remember the title of fic where at some point cas is sick (or is it the focus of the fic?). I only remenber a scene were dean thinks its just a regular cold, and he goes out with sam while cas stays in the sofa of the bunker, and when they return Dean calls out cas until he notices he’s in a really bad state or not breathing and panics.. Do you know which fic I’m talking about? Thanks for the help!!

Ask #5 ( @trenchcoatedislandgirl ): there’s this fic…#5

Hi. How are y'all? Hope you’re all doing ok after this week’s ep 😉 Anyway I’m looking for a fic where Cas is angel gift given to Dean (for preventing the apocalypse i think? Or something like that?). Cas just wants to please Dean all the time, and he has this very specific thing about Dean’s eyelashes where he collects them. Can you help me find it please? Thanks ^_^

Ask #6 ( @ka0ruhitachiin ): there’s this fic…#6

Heyho! I’m searching for a fic I read once and wanted to ask if you guys could help me find it: Crowley died and left his mansion to male OC (he worked for crowley), who gets his best friend Dean and Sam to move in with him. Turns out Crowley had some creepy things going on in his basement. There’s a big lab which holds cruel animal and human experiments. Cas is one of them. He got kidnapped, cloned and turned into a birdlike (angel) monster (superepic Lenght with angst; hurt/comfort) Thanks :)

Found by fpwoper: 

Experimental [T, 276,000 word count] From poor and frugal livings to the little Winchester family finding themselves exploring their new mansion. It had to be too good to be true - no Winchester was ever that lucky. And that same fact held true when Dean discovered an underground lab set up by the previous owner. There were numerous testing chambers with strange creatures lurking inside. Dean's venturing stops at the only enclosure with a single name engraved above the door; Castiel.

Ask #7 ( @moose-dog ): there’s this fic…#7

Hello, I was wondering if you could help me find 2 fics that I lost… I don’t remember the author or name but I remember what happened in them. 1. Outsider Pov (I think) a lesbian at a coffee shop sees dean and assumes he’s homophobic. He proves her wrong by inviting cas along next time. 2. Fic where sam thinks dean is in an abusive relationship but he’s really just a masochist. So one day he bursts into Dean’s appartment set on beating Cas up. They explain everything. Thank you <3

If any of our followers have anything to suggest, drop it in our ask box (mention which ask you are talking about by number or bolded title). If you don’t see your ask here, it is because we have quite a few in the inbox. Thanks!!

[princephil]

so i was at my friend's wedding and i was sitting there people watching and one of the groomsmen, bryan, came up to me and asked to dance okay now listen,, *corbin blue's voice* i don't dance,, however i wanted a boyfriend, a lesbian beard, if you will, so i jumped up and said "fkekfk sure" so we went to the dance floor (which was poppin btw because my friend is fun as hell) and he was dancing so (s o) close to me and was looking me in the eyes and smiling at me and i ?? hated it ???? (1/lmao??)

(tw: cancer, vomit)

so luckily he got pulled away to take pictures and i was left there with my sister and jon, best man and also male stripper, and i was feeling nauseous,, now i was feeling sick before bryan but i think bryan caused a lot of anxiety plus being on the dance floor and so i went outside and threw up like three times on the steps and i just sat there contemplating my current situation and then jon came out and sat down literally where i threw up but i didn’t tell him bc i’m a bitch (2/lmao??)

so i’m sitting here, and jon on my vomit, and we were talking about everything ever and he was drunk as heck but it was chill so then my sister, who btw thinks she’s literal cupid, with bryan and told me to stop “flirting” with jon so me and bryan sat down but it was too loud to talk so we went up to the roof (v pretty btw it was at a park at night with stars and string lights and overlooking the city wow) and we talked but as we were talking he was about to kiss me and i (3/lmao??)

(putting the rest under the cut because it’s long. i tried to leave it at a cliffhanger bc….the end…i’m just…the plot twist….this dude…..i’M SHOOK. EVERY1 SHOULD READ IT. also my reply is at the end too!!)

and i was trying my best just not to throw up again but anyways the bride and groom were leaving so we had to go down and do sparklers and we got a picture together but then he hugged me like at least twenty times and we got each other’s phone numbers (which i asked for ?????? because i’m socially awkward) and i was so sick like,, the car ride home i had my head out the window like a dog because my fever was so high but we made it home and the second i got home he texted me (4/lmao??)

(ok tumblr is being a dick so i had to retype this) he texted me “hey you looked beautiful tonight but i wish you could go swimming with us”,, me: is sick as hell, has body dysmorphia, doesn’t have swimwear, is 40 minutes away,, no thanks so i said “i’m actually pretty sick rn but we can hang out soon” and he said “i feel like you sister just didn’t want you to go” eh hem ok my sister is my best friend and i had known him for a whole five hours ?? don’t say that shit to me (5/lmao??)

so the next morning he said “good morning beautiful” or some lovey dovey name like that and he asked me when i wanted to hang out so i said a five days from then which was a friday, not too long ?? but he was like “noooo i want to see you like today” and i said “buddy my dude i’m so sick” and he sAid “i’ll hold your hair back if you throw up” i said “umm that’s nice but i don’t want that let’s wait until i’m not throwing up” but after many sleepless anxiety filled nights (6/lmao??)friday hit and although the fever was gone, i was just throwing up from anxiety (aren’t i cute) so i said “i’m still sick :///” and he said “noo pls come we can cuddle and watch all the harry potters” bITCH i’m love hp but not you and i’m don’t wanna cuddle so i said “wow that’s a long time” and he said “yep” ?? so then he suggested he cooked me dinner and i told him i’m vegan and he said “well wtf if you don’t like what i make then you don’t have to eat it” ??? buT it just has to be vEGan (7)

so basically he said that he had cancer (i sound like a bitch but just you wait) and he said that he was in a lot of pain so he went to the hospital and it was appendicitis so he got his appendix taken out so i stayed awake for dis bitch to text me and make sure he was okay and he wanted me to come over while he was recovering from surgery !! i said “mmm you should recover first” so he recovered and i was out dry of excuses but luckily the morning of our date he sent me “so i guess that was (8)

(this is getting so long i’m so sorry djsk) a waste of my time” and i was like “wtf i guess i won’t come over then ??” and he didn’t say anything and it was past the time i was supposed to leave so i just sent him “ok i guess you were a waste of my time” and i was in the grocery store and he called me like 10 times and texted me like 20 times freaking tf out and i got in my car and read them and he said “that wasn’t for you i fucked up” long story short the date never happened (next is last)

so when we made up we sent each other some dirty snapchats and i was like ?? why am i doing dis but anyways lemme give you a list of why he caused me major anxiety: freaked out about me being vegan, made me feel bad for being sick, made me feel guilty for his mistake, talked shit about me to my sister (that wasn’t smart of him), and lastly here’s the kicker ‼️ LieD about having cANceR ‼️ (found out about that recently),, so yeah that’s why i associate wedding with anxiety :) sorry it was long

??!?!?NDSADSJFSJ I’M SPEECHLESS WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS DUDE I’M JUST….OMG????? LIKE EVERYTHING LEADING UP TO THIS WAS BAD BUT THEN THE LYING ABOUT CANCER PART??!?!?!?! W H A T BRYAN…….WHY ARE U LIKE THIS i seriously still cannot believe…im sitting at my laptop in awe omg thank u for sharing this story this was seriously a wild ride

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Candy, chapters 14-15 [Epilogue 3]

On to Epilogue 3.

The last Epilogue ended with a cliffhanger: prior to his disappearance, Dirk was constructing a ‘feminine’ robot, which Dave discovers is holding a note in its hand.

CW suicide for chapter 14. A successful suicide by hanging is described in some detail.

Also this Epilogue is really short and I actually read an entire nother epilogue before I realised that, so the next post will be very soon after this one!

Chapter 14

We get a POV chapter of Dirk, which might answer our question. This chapter is in second person, and brings back the “> Ascend” prompt, used so much throughout Homestuck. All that we know is “the world has been set on a path you cannot tread”. There are apparently no stakes or consequences - so Dirk has decided to kill himself. He succeeds, decapitating himself by hanging himself from a tower in a rather grim recapitulation of all the Dirk’s head jokes.

The narration is extremely self-aggrandising and condescending towards everyone else, as befits Dirk. Although exactly why he felt John’s decision to stay rendered anything he might do in the new world devoid of meaning or consequence, or prevented him from popping out into the Farthest Realm to get involved in some plots out there, is not immediately clear.

Although he’s god tier, the death ‘takes’:

Your body doesn’t get up, and your head doesn’t open its eyes. When you think so little of yourself as a moral character, any act of self-termination will result in a death that is Just. 

Friggin’ Dirk.

Chapter 15

Funeral time. It begins about as awkward and ridiculously as Dirk himself.

Most of it is given to a speech by Dave. It’s well-written, in-voice, and makes me feel stuff about Dirk Strider. He specifically addresses intrusive thoughts about suicide, the shit that Bro did, the way that Dirk mattered to them even as weird and self-absorbed as he was. Which does kinda mean something, because I guess I feel like, like Dirk, I live a lot in my head, follow trains of thought that mean very little to other people, but I’ve managed to make myself matter to others anyway.

Not gonna kill myself though. Not anymore.

Gamzee, for some reason, has Dirk’s note, and accidentally destroys it. The narration continues to emphasise how disgusting Gamzee is: how much he smells, how he’s clumsy, openly scratches his crotch, etc. His attempt to recap Dirk’s final message is mostly skimmed over in narration. Jake’s also gonna give a speech but the camera mercifully spares us that.

John, at this point, offers to retcon the suicide. Because... he can actually do that. There’s a brief discussion of the difference between time travel and retcon (if Dave went back, it would allegedly just create a separate timeline where Dirk does not die). Dave is like, no, don’t do that John... but John attempts to do it anyway, only to find his powers no longer work!

At that point Roxy shows up and proposes. What’s that thing they have in America, where the studios are doing a donation drive so they write loads of really dramatic moments into shows? ‘Sweeps’? ...oh it’s actually to do with the ratings system, trying to court advertiser money, but same difference. It feels like that right now.

Something about this doesn’t feel... right? Just a few weeks ago, Roxy was happy with Calliope, and now she wants to have his babies? John feels like he’s missing something important here, like he went for a bathroom break during the part of the movie where the plot twist happens. He should give Roxy some time, get himself some space. It’s all happened so fast that it’s suffocating.

Yeah. Calliope hasn’t shown up onscreen for quite a lot of chapters. What are we missing? What profound effect has John’s decision to stay had, that’s caused everyone to suddenly be obsessed with pinning down ‘endgame’ relationships, having children etc.?

Roxy once again prophesises that they will be ‘so freakin happy!’. I’m getting more and more uneasy every time those words are uttered.

(Apparently ‘prophesise’ is nonstandard, but I like the sound of it more than ‘to prophesy’, so I’m keeping that, nyeh.)

Epilogue 3 as a whole

Suicide’s a heavy subject, and describing in second-person and in detail is intense reading, but also a pretty harsh thing to do without (localised) warning. I would personally have put a content note at the top of this chapter, and invited the reader to skip to the aftermath if they felt the need.

The funeral was well-written, even if we’re like, skating from dramatic moment to dramatic moment - deaths! funerals! proposals!

I imagine if I was more invested in Dirk I’d be a bit frustrated to see him so abruptly killed off, but I suspect he’ll have a much more substantial role in Meat.

Will be interesting to see just what is up with Calliope...