#anyway the only problem with this is ppl see you being casual and assume it's not a serious allergy and it's like. no

[beeseverywhen]

Earlier I wanted to eat something that was may contain soy and I didn't want to wait. But I was highly suspicious of it not containing soy in the first place (had chocolate on it. Chocolate always has soy) and I had no epi pen with me. So I ate it in the supermarket rationalising that there was a pharmacy next door and they'd have one should I begin to die in the supermarket. Anyway it was fine. No soy in the ice cream. However when I walked past the pharmacy it was closed and like. Had a big metal shutter on it and I felt a bit like when you don't see a car coming till its too late but they do see you and stop just in time

[matoitech]

don't recall if you ever elaborated but how long do blue's relationships usually last

ooo good question i dont think i have! id say typically as an average (so there were many that were shorter) prooobably a few months for actual committed relationships, anything casual can range longer bcuz there isn’t as many expectations for him lol. he’s not very good at committing or being there for people emotionally (or physically, hes gone a lot w his job) he’s not rly empathetic and he can get rly stuck in his head and self obsessed. he leans more towards casual relationships bcuz hes self aware enough to realize his behavior and wants in general w relationships r not conducive for healthy committed relationships but hes fighting thru a lot of conflicting instincts in them and it tends to bring up a lot of shit w his background or his own problems he doesnt want to deal with (and it inevitably blows up in his face)

his longest 'it went for at least a couple years without a breakup' relationship was with his bands original bassist but they were really young when they dated like, late teens, very early twenties, somewhere around there. she was his first relationship and a lot of shit happened though and he broke up w her and it kinda turned him off from serious relationships. im keeping it vague not only for spoilers but bcuz i know what kind of route i want to take with it but im not sure how implied vs very obvious i want to go with it yet

his longest relationship Now as an adult solidly in his 20s is probably his and elle’s on-again off-again thing, i dunno the exact timeline for the longest they’ve been together before they broke up again but id assume probably smth like six months to a year (a year feels like its stretching it but ill be generous), though they’ve had their Thing going on for a few years at least at this point though. on again off again yknow. theyve had months to maybe even a year in between seeing each other sometimes. but that’s not the norm for him bcuz when they get back together he does actually want to try to some extent, however long that feeling of wanting to make more of an effort lasts before they both get frustrated again lol

anyway hes like capable of longer lasting relationships just him or the other person/people didnt want it to/werent rly ready for it to get serious, or he makes bad decisions and he also makes bad decisions in who he chooses to date sometimes where they just dont Work and no amount of forcing it is gonna make it happen. or he loses interest in ppl or the relationship quickly.or he thinks damn i just wanted to have a fwb or something actually but now i got myself into this whole relationship and i dont actually want to date them. he also just isnt a very good communicator so to him smth that wasnt supposed to be serious can feel a lot more serious to whatever person/people he was with and he gets himself into shit for it, or vice versa bcuz other ppl r often not good communicators too, etc etc. so in tldr: USUALLY NOT VERY LONG. LOL

[lycan-troth]

I'm so confused by the asexual spectrum, and I mean that respectfully. There's so many variations that I can't keep up with them. I've tried to understand what they are, but I've not been able to find anything that explains them simply and clearly.

Before ppl get mad or offended... I'm saying this bcs I think I could be on the spectrum, but bcs it's so confusing, I can't tell if I am or not. I just want to see simple explanations, but I can't wrap my head around all the different versions. So, I was hoping someone knowledgeable on the subject could suggest what I could be? I'm lesbian and she/they, so I understand those parts of my identity, just for some subtext. I'm just stumbling on how I (don't) experience attraction.

So, I'm 22, and I have no experience with intimacy or romance. Though, that's mainly bcs I haven't had the opportunities. I'd never be intimate with a stranger or a friend. I've only been in love once. I've only felt significant attraction to maybe 4 or 5 people? I usually catch myself trying to see if I find anyone attractive, and it often feels forced bcs the high majority of ppl I see are not attractive to me. I observe ppl, trying to find elements of them that might spark something in me, but nothing happens. I've tried to force crushes on myself before, and it just feels desperate and lonely. I feel no genuine attraction. Just indifference. It bothers me. I want to feel attraction more often, but I don't.

A good thing is that I'm not someone who's usually considered attractive. I'm cute and innocent-like, but nothing more. I'm basically that one friend everyone assumes is innocent and kind like a kid, and no one decent is interested in that. And that's okay, bcs I don't find anyone around me attractive, haha. It's just lonely. The few times I've been attracted to someone has always been really overwhelming for me. I've literally gone weak in the knees and almost fallen over bcs I saw a rlly attractive girl. But always, when I've felt attraction, I've also been afraid. I've often joked to myself that if i feel intimidated by a girl and she hasn't done anything to warrant that response, then she's just really pretty.

I have never approached anyone I've found very attractive bcs it just seems rlly weird to me. Plus, I always don't know them, or they're seeing someone, and I'm always an anxious wreck. In general, I can not recognise flirting or subtle things. I'm autistic and while my social skills aren't bad, they only go so far, lol. So, maybe someone has tried flirting before, and I just thought they were being nice? That's why I don't do subtle. The ppl in my life know that I don't play games. If I have a problem with someone, I'd tell them. If I'm happy spending time with someone, I let them know. I tell a few ppl I love them, that's a big thing for me. I like directness, but I know lots of ppl struggle with it. However, for me, I need it to be able to understand the full picture properly. Idk why so many ppl like playing weird cat and mouse games. Someone said it was to be mysterious or to not show 'too much' interest. That to me is just stupid and childish. I get feeling scared of rejection, but I don't like it when ppl mess around. It's impolite to play with someone's feelings, making them question whether you like them or not. It just breeds insecurity and doubt. To me, it's unattractive and boring. It's not romantic. But that's just me, and I'm often enough the odd one out.

Anyway, it is not often I feel attraction. Ppl are usually boring. I have felt that a few ppl were cute during brief interactions, so if those continued, perhaps that sort of feeling could have developed. I'm open to marriage with the right person, but only if they're The One. I'd only date someone if I knew them well enough, but I'm not open to dating casually. I feel very intensely about most things, and I have been in love once. It was an online relationship. I loved her very much and only wanted her happiness and comfort. I hadn't meant to fall in love, and I'd never intended to have an online relationship. But I loved her, and that changed my mind. When she broke up with me, I accepted it and comforted her about it. I mentioned that I was sad about it, naturally, but I didn't say much more than that. I understood it was difficult and upsetting for her to break up, so I respected her decision and minimalised communicating the extent of how upset I felt. I did that because telling her wouldn't be a kindness or productive. It would only make her feel more upset and guilty. We're still friends. I always thought ppl were being dramatic when they said that first loves were devastating or sad. I loved and was loved in return, which makes the experience worth it. I hope to find love again, someday.

I like the idea of romance and comfort, but obtaining it isn't so simple. However, I refuse to settle for less than what I want. On the other hand: intimacy. I'm not upset that I've never done anything. Sure, in theory, I'd like to have a bit of experience, but I don't, and that's okay. My hand does the trick for me just fine, so I'm not frustrated at all. If I had a partner, in theory, I believe if I trusted them enough, we might do something together, but in reality? Idk, but I like the idea of it.

That's all I can think of to mention. So, if someone could make a suggestion or something, I'd appreciate it. Even if it's just to tell me that I'm not part of the asexual spectrum, and I'm just an introverted, anxious, autistic, lesbian who's suffering under the devastation that is other ppl's commitment issues. That'd be fine. I'm just feeling lost and would appreciate a kind word of reassurance.

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

how can people make friends so easily? how the fuck is it even possible to make a friend? or even do anything with anyone? i've heard stories of ppl who can just have casual sex with strangers and im just thinking, how the fuck is that possible? i can't even get someone to want to talk to me, the online world has been the only place where i even have a chance to hold a conversation.

i've listened to people's fucking advice on how to make friends and none of it works. they say "oh, well if u keep showing up to the same group of people or whatever eventually u're sure to make some friends" and NO, THAT DOES NOT FUCKING WORK. they just turn you into a background character. they're not interested in anything you have to say or do, they tune you out, i've seen it.

when we went bowling i was put in a lane all by myself because the lane everyone was playing on was full. i've been kept out of playing mario party because there weren't enough controllers. ive sat through an entire dnd session without doing anything besides looking at a letter because the dm forgot about me.

i shouldn't even be mad about any of that. because if im gonna be honest with myself, even if i were put in the same lane as everyone, even if i were able to join in on mario party, even if i were included more in the dnd session, i highly doubt i would've been able to make any friends anyway. because that's just the kind of person i am. it's not like i don't try to force myself to be included, ppl just seem to naturally push me away.

and just to clarify, they don't push me away in the "i don't like you" kind of way, they push me in away in the "i don't care for you" kind of way. and honestly, i think id rather they hated me. because at least then they would care about me.

i thrive much better in the online world, but even then i still feel like i'm missing a manual on how friends are supposed to be made. i see people on steam with thirty something friends, and although im aware most are likely not very close to the person, im still very much all "how the fuck did u meet all those people".

i can't even remember the last time i had physical contact. i would hug my therapist but due to reasons beyond my control ive only been able to have online sessions with her.

quite a while ago i had an online friend who i'd talk with quite a lot. she was so nice to me, always brightened me up. we'd talk for hours about each other's troubles and such. we knew each other ever since i was 15 and she was 14. she was the only thing keeping me sane through all those years. but almost a year ago now, she ghosted me. i still don't know why she did it, she never said anything. i can still see her online, she just avoids me. this ruined me. i was only left to assume the worst, that there was something wrong with me, and i didnt know what.

now i freak out over being ignored, i convince myself everyone secretly hates me. i know im probably wrong, it's not all about me. but i can't stop myself from thinking the worst. i fixate over if anyone will ghost me like she did. im trying to get over this, slowly but hopefully surely.

i have massive amounts of self hatred that feel impossible to get over. i cant think of a day where i havent told myself i hate myself, and recently ive been telling myself to kill myself more frequently. i want anyone who says "how can you expect others to love you when you can't even love yourself" to go die in a volcano. by the time i'm able to solve this self hatred problem i'd probably have already died from loneliness.

for fuck's sake, im venting on tumblr to whoever happens to see this. because i have nobody to fucking go to to express these feelings. i have nobody, so im venting to fucking tumblr. fuck.

i just wish i had someone.

[locktobre]

also s/o to the last anon i got before turning my whole ask off for 6+ months who asked how mattel is racist even tho I was literally posting about bpa and johan at the time so it was obvious and also that's not even the first (or last) time mattel, as a company, has had racist media and/or dolls (the freak du chic/haunted/great scarrier reef clawdeen wolf dolls come to mind immediately but I know there are way more examples).

also later on post-ask close I checked the tag to see if I was still really the only one talking about the racism in bpa bc I just can't leave shit alone and I see an anon asking a different blog if bpa is racist bc they asked someone else and didn't get it or something like that. yes I saw that and it couldn't even be funny to me bc I just don't get how anyone can watch the movie and just not get the implications of a country called Johanistan being taken over by a white girl and this being seen as right. I know barbie fans are young but you can't be that young if you are here on tumblr dot com.

but bc I’ve been away for awhile and I’m still pissed about this I will oblige this evening.

let’s start with just the fact that this unseen kingdom with a brown guy ruling it is called Johanistan. just that fact alone. I know how barbie kingdoms are named, I have made a list of them, and fun fact, 14 out of 32 end in the generic latin/greek suffix -ia, which is commonly used in english and also scientific naming. the only one to use -stan is Johanistan, for the kingdom of an antagonist. it stands out immediately, mostly bc the -stan suffix is persian and commonly used in central and west asia. altho Floravia is explicitly in the mediterranean so idk what business they have in central/west asia? I mean why are they in conflict with Johanistan at all? why does Johanistan have to give up its sovereignty and its own monarchy to join with Floravia? this is never explained or even touched upon, but I mean... aren’t the implications pretty bad?

I know this may seem like making out of a molehill, and so what about the kingdom names, and so what if Johan is brown, it doesn’t mean mattel is racist! except movies have to go thru so many layers of approval and development, and apparently, nobody at mattel (or mainframe, the animation studio, altho idk how much control they have) thought to stop and say, Hey, maybe we shouldn’t have our first brown antagonist be the antagonist bc he doesn’t want his kingdom taken over by a white girl over an ill-defined historical conflict between their countries of Johanistan and Floravia. nobody thought to say that, apparently! or if someone did, it didn’t matter bc the movie came out like that anyway!

and BPA came out in 2020. the same year that mattel put these two statements on barbie’s instagram in support of BLM (in may and june), and had Nikki on barbie’s vlog to talk about racism (in october), and also started developing Brooklyn (I assume, given the second statement). so like, sure they can do stuff like that, but they can also be casually and thoughtlessly racist and ppl just give them a pass bc they don’t even recognize it. but I mean, I feel like it’s pretty obvious if you think about it critically for even a minute.

this doesn’t even get into the broader problems in BPA, like the fact that Amelia has no personality or ambition, and she’s queued up to be queen but doesn’t really want the job... and somehow Johan, the ruler of the other country she’s about to take over, can’t take over her country instead bc...? he’s mean? I guess? bc he would be bad at ruling? even tho we are given no indication that Amelia herself would be good at ruling, since again, she has no personality and in fact expresses that she doesn’t like royal life multiple times... but Johan is mean so he can’t have anything. even tho. again. Amelia doesn’t even want the job and we have no reason to believe Johan would be incompetent. so the historical conflict leading to this stupid arrangement isn’t fleshed out, and neither is the current conflict. like the whole plot of BPA is trash even without the racism, like if Johan was white it wouldn’t be a racist movie but it would still be a mess bc nobody at mattel can write anymore. but whatever I’m getting off track.

tl;dr you can argue about whether the treatment of Johan/Johanistan is racist or not but you have to at least acknowledge that it’s weirdly racialized for no fucking reason and that does not help an already stupid and half-assed plot.

[silver-wield]

Can you do an analysis on Cloud and Tifa’s body language during that scene when they’re in Cloud’s room and he’s slyly referring to his promise to Tifa? There was crazy sexual tension in that scene and it honestly looked like Cloud was subtly being flirty with her 😭

No probs, Nonny! I actually already touched on their body language in a reply to a gif set of this bit, so we'll just expand on that ^=^

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven't played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it's gonna be a VERY long one so prepare to scroll.

Also, this is one person's interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that's cool and we'll agree to disagree.

You're also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I'm grabbing them from Youtube and it's frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone's interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I've had other ideas since then) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

The Promise Analysis 

Andrea's approval (Cloti ask response) 

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read) 

Cloti action touching 

Aerti friendship analysis 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Keep reading

Recap time! Yall know the drill by now if you've read my other ramblings.

Chapter 3, where we get a room (lol), do some jobs and have a chat with Tifa. It's pretty basic stuff until the cut scene after Marle gives Cloud a talking to. She's the overprotective grandmother figure that Tifa needs in her life and she wants to make sure Cloud isn't messing with her. Now, why would she think that? Well, maybe she picked up some hints when Tifa mentioned Cloud to her about wanting a place to stay? Marle's pretty sharp, after all, and if she got the impression Tifa is carrying a torch, she'd definitely make sure Cloud's not about to blow it out. She tells him to pay attention to her, to listen. This is the very first instance of Cloud taking in that kind of info and it changes how he treats others for the rest of the game.

After the chapter 4 mission where Cloud reflects on his promise to Tifa, it's back to the slums for some rest. Then Tifa knocks on his door and enters. She mentions Cloud was gone for a while, and he answers he was walking so that he keeps Jessie's secret – because he's that kind of guy.

Small talking Tifa is cute, but lol, Cloud seems to have purposely forgotten Johnny since he's yet another admirer of Tifa. For a guy who doesn't forget info like morons who could cause them trouble in the long run, it's pretty telling how quickly he is to dismiss Johnny.

Onto something more interesting in this pic, though. Cloud is sitting on the bed. Now, if he wasn't comfortable around Tifa he'd have got up. His eyeline is lower than hers so he has to look up at her. This puts her in a position of dominance over him – also not surprising since his mentality is that of a 16yr old around her and she's the adult in the relationship. Tifa for her part has her body turned to the side in a non-confrontational pose.

Tifa has her hands clasped in front of herself (couple of seconds before this screen) which indicates she's trying to protect herself as she asks the question if Cloud is leaving Midgar. Not surprising since she's afraid of losing people she cares about and even just someone heading off somewhere else would upset her, though she'd try not to show it.

Cloud, for his part, looks away, appearing as though he's thinking it over, but we're already aware he's decided to stay and help Tifa out, so this is a fake out on his part. He's half-teasing, half trying to get a positive response from her (remember the water tower? Yeah, this is that Cloud. The dork. The one who is useless at talking to girls).

I'm sorry, but Cloud is such a cheeky bastard I just can't with him! This is giving me all the throwbacks to his behaviour at the water tower and I love that it mirrors that moment, but with more success on his part this time. He's looking all around trying not to give himself away before it's needed. He's smiling and looks relaxed. He might be sitting but he definitely believes he has the upper hand between them at this point. Remember, I've said before that eye contact is important. Well, in this case, Cloud's deliberate refusal to make eye contact shows he's teasing. This is such a cute moment between them!

Oh ho! But here's where his teasing ends. Cloud is being completely serious and obviously took the promise between them as being special. Ducking his head out of sight completely prevents us from seeing his expression and allows him to act in a casual way about something that's such an important part of who he became. But, he's not quite pulling it off because he's also looking quite defensive in this pose. His hands are clasped in front of him and he's leaning forward, looking at the floor. This is something very meaningful for him to talk about and he's hoping Tifa doesn't brush it off, so if he doesn't look at her he won't have to see her reaction.

Tifa's obviously got her own interpretation of how that promise went. We can guess she did it because she just wanted a guarantee she'd see Cloud again some day from how she acted during the water tower cut scene. Here, she's leaning back on her hands which leaves her body language open, but also conceals something. She's looking down, the same way Cloud did. She's also hiding her true feelings towards Cloud the same way he's hiding from her, but she's being as honest as she can be as the same time. I've seen people call Tifa a liar because of how she doesn't address Cloud's memory problems in OG, but when you really take a close look at her, lying just isn't her. This is a complex moment between them. They've not long met again and they're having this heavy conversation. The feelings between them are still there, but there's all this other stuff that's more important. But, they know they're friends, and that's a good place to start getting to know each other again, and Cloud choosing to stay is that first step, with the quick follow up of him reminding her of their shared history.

Cloud, you smooth bastard I love you for this! This is definitely flirting! He's looking directly at her, then dips his head to the side in an inviting gesture. His eyes soften and he gets this tiny smile on his face. His body language has changed, too. He's sitting up and back slightly with both arms by his sides. There's no more defensiveness about him. He wants to listen to her. Cloud is choosing to ask for Tifa's confidence. He's letting her know she can rely on him. That he's interested.

For her part, Tifa's pleased, but surprised. She's not long got back in touch with Cloud and, while he's been a decent guy, she's had the overall impression he isn't the same as the soft boi she knew, so this is a revelation for her. The Cloud she knew is still within this Cloud – which anyone who knows the real!Cloud SOLDIER!Cloud storyline is exactly the point of this moment. Tifa knows his true self. The true self that comes out only when he's with her.

Cloud, bro, I'm gonna combust from all these flirty gestures! Fully open body language, a smile, teasing tone. Goddamnit, just say you love her already! Yes, please, invite Tifa to check you out. Remember, he's still sitting. He's so relaxed and natural around her. Even if all you saw was two friends and no ship, you'd be insane to think he isn't a different person in this scene. He's not SOLDIER Cloud here.

Tifa, for her part, isn't flirting here. She likes Cloud, that's clear, and her body language is reaching towards him, which suggests she has feelings towards him, but her tone is more playful and her expression is pleased. She's happy to see her friend isn't too different from the one she knows. Most of the flirting in this scene is on Cloud's side, which makes sense when you think of the torch he's been carrying for her. He's trying to get her attention, same way he did when they were kids. Tifa's oblivious but receptive because she likes him back, but she won't show it as much because she thinks he's not interested. Someone knock their heads together please lol

OMG FUCKING HELL CLOUD JUST TELL HER YOU LOVE HER! Leaning back on the bed, totally vulnerable body language, drawing attention to the bod in an attempt to spark her interest – since he's clearly interpreted this line from Tifa as a rejection – this boi is trying so hard! He even looks a little disappointed she's not more impressed with SOLDIER Cloud, but we knew she preferred the dork anyway lol

Now, I know everyone talks about the physical and emotional distance between them here, which is obvious, but what I'm gonna point out is after feeling like SOLDER Cloud has been rejected by Tifa – thanks to her preference for the real deal – Cloud looks away from her. She's brushed him off and he's hiding his upset by not meeting her eyes.

Tifa is still oblivious to this, but Cloud definitely has a look of disappointment on his face.

Now, after that last bit you'd think Cloud would assume he's got no chance, but then Tifa says how glad she is to have him back and that cheers him up. He's still in that mindset of a 16yr old with a crush, whereas Tifa's moved on. She's had 5 years apart from him (she thinks it's 7, I know, but he saw her in Nibelheim and how she'd matured a little). She's not thinking of him in an openly romantic sense, whereas Cloud is definitely still deep in his feelings for her. Hearing she's happy to see him hints to him that he might still have a chance with her if they spend more time together. His soft af goodnight is the last indicator of his strong feelings for her. His body language is open once more, he's staring after her with a longing look and a smile and doesn't look away until the door closes.

Conclusion

JUST GET FUCKING MARRIED ALREADY IT'S BEEN 23 YEARS!

Lol seriously though, Cloud is definitely still deep in the throes of his childhood crush. Tifa could resurrect hers with time because it's clear she does still harbour feelings for him, but she's not the type to be pushy or insistent. She'll let Cloud take the lead and offer subtle hints how she feels, hoping he feels the same. She doesn't pick up on Cloud's subtle flirting compared to those more in your face things he tried earlier. Through all of those interactions with her he's definitely trying to say that he likes her and he'd like her to accept his feelings, but the bigger gestures get the brush off, although she blushes and looks shy, and the smaller ones go over her head.

Unfortunately, these two are oblivious af and it's gonna take everyone's help to get them together.

[toycarousel]

Hello Wren, I'm here because I need your help (in a way). So I'm a perfectly "normal" cis girl, I live in a great family and my parents never judge me. But I have a boyfriend, he's wonderful, very kind and good looking. He really likes to dress up as a woman (on a daily basis) but he's not transgender. And he has a lot of problems: his parents are really religious, he's often told he's just gay and he should stop being with me (that part uspets him a lot), and he gets insulted just because [1/2]

Of his apperance. I get really angry about that and often yell at whoever upsetted him. I wondered if you could provide us some advices concerning this. My boyfriend and I are very much in love and it kills me seeing him sad because of some random assholes. Thank you And I Hope you'll anwser. [2/2]

Hello, Anon! My apologies for the late response (I’ve been even more scattered than usual these days!)

I can offer peer advice, but I’m definitely not a professional, so if anything I say feels off to you or your boyfriend, just know that you don’t have to take my word as law or anything~!!! You can absolutely write off anything that doesn’t feel right to you! : O

Anyway, I’m totally with you two wrt how ppl are treating your boyfriend.  I’m not trans either, but I like to dress up as a girl fairly often (for me, it’s because women’s clothing/makeup is just typically a lot more aesthetically appealing than men’s -- mens’ clothes and such can be very, very dull, unfortunately).  Your boyfriend doesn’t need to have a reason for dressing the way he likes to dress (no one does!)

It sounds like you’re both confident in your relationship, and I wish that the ppl around you two understood that him wearing a certain type of clothing doesn’t say anything about his sexuality, gender, or relationships -- because it doesn’t! I actually suspect a lot of men, of all sexualities -- even the most intensely straight, cisgender man possible -- would wear women’s clothing and makeup and such, if it were considered socially acceptable.  A lot of straight, cisgender women prefer men’s clothing, because it’s just to their taste.  The reverse is true too, it’s just stigmatized so much more, and I wish your boyfriend didn’t have to deal with all that judgment from other ppl.  It sounds like he’s experiencing a lot of misdirected bigotry.

My casual advice to him would be to just stay true to himself, and continue to do what makes him happy! He can also try to let ppl know that no, he’s not dressing this way because he’s gay, that he doesn’t have to leave you, that he is attracted to you and wants to be with you, and that, ultimately, clothing is just clothing.  Though I’m guessing he’s already said things like this to some of the assholes who are picking him apart, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t listen.  Despite that, it’s still good to confidently tell them that he knows who he is, and that they’re wrong.  If some of these ppl do listen and internalize the message he’s trying to get across, that’s great! 

As for the ppl who don’t -- it’s not his job to make them understand.  They’ve got their own biases.  They’ve decided (his family, and everyone who doesn’t listen), that their own prejudices are the truth, and they likely don’t want to listen.  This probably scares them -- a lot of ppl are terrified when they’re forced to confront the truth that clothing + presentation doesn’t determine gender and/or sexuality.  I suspect that a lot of cisgender and/or straight ppl like feeling as though, as long as they wear the clothes they’re “supposed” to wear, and do the things they’re “supposed” to do, that it means their gender is the “right” gender, and is unquestionable and solidified.

So, when they’re then faced with someone like your boyfriend, who is attracted to women, and who isn’t transgender, but still likes to wear traditionally feminine clothing -- it just shakes those ppl to their core.  They’re used to believing things like “men are biologically wired to like blue, and trucks, and Man Things,” and “women are biologically wired to like pink, and dolls, and Woman Things,” but none of that stuff is true.  It’s all socially constructed.  (That, of course, doesn’t mean that it’s not okay for girls to be into girly things and guys to be into masculine things, but it’s not the rule, and it’s certainly not rooted in biology).

And when people are faced with their own internalized biases, and the silly gender beliefs they’ve held for a very long time are challenged like that (whether the person they perceive to be challenging these norms means to or not), they get scared, and feel insecure.  Your boyfriend is on the receiving end of them acting out on their own insecurities.  And that, ultimately, is their problem -- not his.  He’s done nothing wrong.  

And he doesn’t owe his family members anything, either.  Just because they’d be more “comfortable” being able to slot him into the cliche of “effeminate gay man”, in order to avoid facing their insecurities about clothing and appearance wrt gender/sexuality, doesn’t mean that he has to do anything about it.  If you want to be together, then you should be together.  And you should both be able to dress and behave however you want, regardless!

The only thing I’d warn for is taking safety precautions! Some ppl will just assume he’s transgender or gay, and will try to harm him based on the assumption.  If he’s in a physically safe space, then this shouldn’t be an issue, but if he feels like he’s going to be somewhere there could be violent ppl, or ppl he doesn’t know very well, he should be very careful as to how he presents himself -- again, not because he’s doing anything wrong, but because some ppl won’t just be assholes, they’ll be violent.  And neither of you should ever have to be subjected to that violence.

Otherwise, I’d honestly just reassure him that he’s gorgeous, and kind, and wonderful -- that he looks great the way he likes to dress, and that it’s not his responsibility (nor possible, in many cases) to change the minds of ppl who’ve decided to be bigoted, insecure, and shallow.  I know it can be difficult to write off the cruel things that ppl say, and that it has been getting to him, so I’ve linked a few resources below that can help with techniques as to how to ignore and/or cope with the things that bigots and bullies say.  I think that self-care and being reminded of how awesome it is that he expresses himself despite society’s terrible, arbitrary “rules”, is healthy too!

Here are some of those resources (and I included a couple crisis chatlines at the very bottom, in case he’s ever in a situation where he just rly wants to talk to someone supportive right away, you know?)

https://medium.com/@duncanr/how-to-respond-to-bullies-4db037629510 (this one is focused on how to respond to bullies, and in many cases I think this has a good message for you and your boyfriend, but again, be careful when applying this advice to a potentially dangerous situation -- avoiding danger and calling for help is the most effective way to go, imo).

https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/59nz5z/how-to-deal-with-friends-family-who-are-racist-sexist-or-bigoted 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-mysteries-love/201612/the-most-effective-way-put-end-verbal-abuse

https://www.verywellmind.com/identify-and-cope-with-emotional-abuse-4156673 (how to identify and cope with emotional abuse -- this can be applied to any relationship, including how your boyfriend’s family treats him, and how strangers treat him! Similar to the prior link!)

https://self-care-club.tumblr.com/post/139740925552/giant-self-help-masterpost (self care masterpost, full of nice things + sites and coping tactics for both you and your boyfriend’s general mental health -- for when you both need to take a step back and simply be kind to yourselves~!)

https://codedredalert.tumblr.com/post/109005732295/helpline-masterlist (crisis hotline masterpost)

https://www.7cups.com/ (free counselling, both phone and text chatlines available!)

Oof~! So, I know that was a long, long response (my apologies for being so wordy), but I hope some of what was said and linked here is helpful to both you and your boyfriend, and that your situations improve soon~

[nulfaga]

im also trying to think what happens to badrs combat style...because he was a mix priest/chanter at the start of it all but his voice gets ruined before poe1 and his faith in his two gods (ondra and eothas) gets severely shaken during...so hahaha :( i do think he gets some of his abilities back, like i like to imagine he just becomes such a fucking good chanter that he only has to whisper the words (not that he can physically do any more lol) and the chant like materializes...also maybe as a watcher he could psychically project them to be louder/more powerful idk

also kana teaches him to shoot because him running around the dyrwood waving a wand and praying really hard and hoping the enemy just falls down dead is not workable, ESPECIALLY if (as they Absolutely Canonically Do) theyre going to sail the world together he cannot be constantly worrying after this 6'2" purple prey animal

so by poe2 he's using a combo of 1) watcher-amplified silent chants (which confuses the fuck out of enemies), 2) some lingering healing and condemnation spells partly using his last shreds of faith, mostly using his resolve, and 3) gun

and he's actually not bad!

im also trying to think how he would communicate in the environment of deadfire, and as the captain of the ship...cause if kana is there he and badr definitely sign to each other all the time so he could interpret (so could aloth, but a bit more stiffly since he hasnt seen badr in 5 years and he's out of practice with aedyran sign)...failing that, he could use his now-refined freaky deaky watcher powers to speak into ppls minds the way a cipher can...but this takes a lot of energy, it's not infallible and some ppl don't take kindly to being addressed Within Their Mind so

i think it would be low on his list as an option, he'd rather use his tiny raspy voice and whisperspeak into someone's ear and have that person repeat the message louder. serafen is badrs second favorite person to speak to after kana because even tho serafen sucks at signing, he can use his cipher abilities to kind of just...meet him where hes at, so badr doesnt have to tire himself out Intensely Projecting his every thought he can just Casually think something in serafens general direction and serafen will pick up on it which is nice

if kana isn't with him tho, i think he would have to assign someone as his standby interpreter—which is not a small deal. that person would be Speaking The Words Of The Watcher whether or not they personally agreed with them. they would have to address the crew as a captain, meet with the queen in neketaka, etc etc etc. so i think despite them being most suited, neither aloth or serafen would want that job, at least not in a formal capacity (serafen having an irritating tendency to paraphrase and aloth being...the way that he is)...i think very eventually it would fall to tekehu, who has No Problem being in the spotlight and whose views, in broad strokes, align with badr's anyway...the problem with that is that outside of neketaka where everyone knows him, people start assuming that tekehu is the watcher, either ignoring badr entirely or mistaking him for tekehu (it doesn't help at all that they're both male godlike of ondra/ngati. if you say "i saw that watcher today, the son of ngati", did you see badr or did you see tekehu? jesus only knows)

[roxannepolice]

But yah rey as a character is just so frustrating you know? Cause like, yeah sure she could be complex with a powerful arc where shes forced to come to terms with the fact she wasted years of her life on self-imposed delusions in a cathartic way, or she could be a flat piece of marketing cardboard which Disney is banking on vagina+superpowers=profit without having to go through that persnicty character flaw overcoming or the like. Because like you said, hearing shes a nobody (which ngl, her assuming she was a somebody wasn’t really ever supported in tfa, just that her family was coming back and she desperately wanted them to) is apparently the worst thing but it changes absolutely nothing, not her approach, not her demeanor , if vaguely sad is the absolute worse a character is gonna experience in a goddamn space opera then yeah, full offense ill take the l on Mary sue discourse but her character will definitely be a boring ass wash. We all make fun of whiny new hope Luke but him being a kinda nuisance to both the audience and those around him is what made is transformation into full blown Jedi knight so powerful. With Rey so far what weve got is badass perfect cinnamon roll finally get her due as such, which is clearly working for some people, but I fail to see how that isn’t spectacularly tone deaf to make a protag in this genre such. Operas about drama, not patting you on the back. Rey (assuming she remains as is) would’ve been fine as a protag s the only piece of Star Wars media we ever got was a new hope. But rn she a chosen one architype (and I know that bunch of ppl are gonna go but the series ‘but shes not the chosen one, Anakin still is, the new series isn’t trying to make her one!’ but lets not beat around the burning bush, if u got a character that walks on water and the reason why is because god said so, ur dealing with a chosen one trope and if a character is star wars is made ultrapowerful in lore breaking ways because force said so? Yeah were dealing with a chosen one.) when we had both the deconstruction and the reconstruction done. Shes a straight hero when the success of the ot rest on hitting the formula near perfect the first time. What exactly is Rey, the individual character, bringing to the table? What makes her story supposedly so important the a perfectly good ending had to be made invalid to tell it? A bunch of ppl will say heroines’ journey! But if that’s the case I gotta say, wheres all the feminine shit? Im serious, if the heroines journey is reintegrating the feminine and realizing ‘oh shit mom had a point’ there where is both the feminine skills/coping mechanism and the mom? I mean I saw some ppl arguing for leia in a ‘reys Persephone!’ meta (she isn’t, you can make a much better case for ben himself as Persephone to be quite frank, yall are focusing so much on the trees ((girl gets abducted by guy)) that u forgot the forest existed, the actually story ((girl winds up queen on the underworld, well gee whiz which character just took control of that after leaving the world of living and a grieving divine mother behind, it’s a mystery apparently) behind, it’s a mystery apparently) ((but seriously though even if we hope for dark rey does anyone assume its gonna be taking control of a dark/dead coded org at least partially at this point, do you, do you really??). but given the fact she had what, one line of screen dialogue that’s breaking ur arm with that stretch. As far as skills go I guess you could make an argument for scavenging, but if that’s the case dlf did a shit job of conveying that as female-coded. Everything about rey in tfa seems deliberately androgynous, and yeah, she had her hair let down/mascara moment, but that’s tied to her ‘failure’ on the supremacy thus something nw.SPEAKIGN OF FAILURES ON THE SUPERAMCY AND LACK THERE OF. I find it kind funny that bunch of reylo bnfs (you know who they are) are all ‘hur dur fanboys/antis are dumb and don’t get story structure.’ And then going, ‘why are yall asking how/assuming rey fucked up in throne room/climax of her story in the second portion/darkest point of her character arc? Why do you hate women/ur own ovaries so much?’ because it like walking into a prefurnished house and being told by the relator ‘HERES THE LIVING ROOM’ and having no damn couch. It’s a living room, I expect a couch here. And in a movie where it’s the low point of a character arc and they drag puppet yoda out to tell me the movie is about failure, I expect a damn failure in whats clearly the climax of the characters arc for this movie. As it stands now there are three possibilities imo. 1st, rey had no failure, she is the pure badass maid o light ppl want and every inch the boring cardboard she is accused of by fanbros, remains static, and is relegated to an also ran to benlo taking the most compelling character trophy this trilogy in 10 yrs2nd possibility and the one im hoping for, failure speech wasn’t just thematic explanation but also foreshadowing, rey fucks up big and dramatic in a way that makes her manage to stand out as unique with both her contemporaries and her predecessors(last part, if its ever to much lemme know pls im sorry i just gotta get it out) 3rd and most likely possibility, rey isn’t the main character, benlo is and that’s why his failure both moral in the throne room and logistic on criat take center stage for the last third or so of the movie. Rey is merely a pov character to tell the dramatic villain protag story they wanted and have their very marketable unproblematic Disney heroine cake too.

Ok, so this discourse kinda died down by now, but thanks to that it’s possible to maybe have a calmer look at it I’m totally not trying to justify my late response.

Anyway, the good result is that quite recently my brother, who’s not overly taken with Rey - or the sequels in general, for that matter - said something which really stuck with me as a possible crux of the problem: 

She’s neither comical nor tragical. Just bland. 

This neither comical nor tragical really struck me. And the more I though about it, the more it was appearing to me that this qualm really applies to the sequels as a whole. The thing is that DLF are essentially telling a straightforward story that they’re trying to make captivatingly convoluted. And not just make, but keep this appearance over four years. And this is... a narrative teeth crasher. Like, when you’re honest about the endgame (in the context of the most structural meanings of comedy and tragedy), you can maintain a decorum, though you can also play with it, of course, whereas when you don’t want to be honest about the endgame, you end up mixing the styles somewhat messily. You can’t break or discuss with the rules without acknowledging them, so to speak. Because the originals were honest about the happy/hopeful endgame (the first episode is title A New Hope ffs), they could allow themselves deeply tragic moments like Larses’ deaths, Han getting frozen, destruction of Alderaan, etc. Because the prequels were open about being a tragedy, they could allow themselves lighthearted comic relief for the sake of lighthearted comic relief. 

The sequels... badly want us to consider the possibility of FO winning and Ben dying unredeemed while simultaneously insisting we root for those things not happening, while appearing conscious we’re definitely not buying the former and the latter only somewhat. And it’s tiresome. Dishonest. And indeed, bland. If the story is a tragedy it will be a bloodcurdlingly real one, if it’s a comedy it will be a borderline grotesque one. 

But yeah, returning to Rey, I guess as the main character she’s a lens which focuses the above problems. A very bitter tragedy of what her parents did t her prevents her from being comfortably comical whereas whoohooos I like thats and prancing like a husky on red bull over idols and visions because it’s for children so it must be hopeful prevents her from being intriguingly tragical. So I guess the intentioned effect was tragicomism but, from pov of an engaged casual fan that is my bro, it’s neither. 

As far as Rey’s heroine’s journey lacking some of the usual elements, I blame it on Disney being... a bit too ambitious, maybe. I think they tried to make a heroine’s journey that isn’t ostentaciously seeped in traditional feminine/masculine traits, maintains the structure without what could be called accidentals. On the one hand, I would point out that hero’s journey has pretty much desexualised itself over time, we are rather accustomed to “shero’s” journeys, but on the other... maybe Disney set out on a too novel a territory and may crack their teeth on it, alongside trying to out-Vader Vader at redemption. To elucidate, “toxic femininity” in which a heroine is supposed to find herself in the beginning of her journey, in Rey’s case is uprooted from any of our usual concepts of feminine-masculine social roles (it’s space, duh). My interpretation is that Rey’s version of toxic femininity kind of exists in contrast with Kylo Ben’s version of toxic masculinity - and since the apparent focus of the story is the attitude towards the past/parent figures, toxic femininity would mean her clutching onto the past. Which is why I predict that some act of IX will find Rey inebriated with apparent success in masculine world, meaning she’ll be the one rejecting the old gods this time - and I would point out that panel in Poe comic where she shows herself more sceptical towards idolisation of past don’t mind me, I’m just expressingmy trash dreams for a proper sith lady Rey.

Then again, Rian Johnson said she already found perfect balance between Luke’s clinginess and Kylo’s rejection of the past, so... idk, maybe I’m giving DLF too much credit again.

As for the Persephone thing, I guess the rub is that this reylo reading focuses less on the traditional reading of the myth (where Demeter is the actual main character and Kore is a Princess Peach MacGuffin) and more of an interpretation of it as one of the eldest (at least in Europe) versions of story depicting a transition of a girl into a woman, making Persephone more of a protagonist. 

Like, y’know, this Persephone (D. G. Rosetti, source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proserpine_(Rossetti_painting))

I’m no expert, but myths can lose their original meanings because of power relations (anyone still remember about Dionysus, the god associated with excessive drinking, going through a very Christ-like death and resurrection?) and I think it’s possible that this is the case with the story of Persephone becoming a pre-scientific explanation of seasons changing over the year. So teah, that’s how I always understood the Persephone theme regarding Rey.

But yes, I must agree that I’m confused about Disney’s handling of the mother figure, which... Look, SW became a legend of a modern myth because of how epically Lucas handled the hero dealing with his very explicit father. So yes, I don’t understand what exactly is their game with Rey Nobody from Nowhere in this regard. It’s one thing that they had a cool idea with giving her no lineage, another that parent figures are an essential element of archetypal journeys and from symbolic viewpoint the case of a female character the biological relationship is even more crucial than in male’s. And I swear to all the ewoks and porgs in the galaxy, I do hope Disney’s idea of Rey healing the mother/daughter divide isn’t through her healing the divide between Leia and Ben. Again, this isn’t the idealistic sphere. Just... no. 

Anyway, I still maintain hope (this whole meta blog is built on hope) that Rey will indeed turn out to have a proper personal mistake which will make her stand out in the saga. I do have to admit, though, that I find your last theory very likely. I mean, even when I read all the reylo metas going oh, Rey is going to have such an exciting arc in IX, she has so much to deal with though of course it’s not going to compromise her morally, it will be sooo exciting, I just... f*ck’s sake, what you’re describing isn’t a dramatic character only a dramatised role model. It’s great if that’s your thing, but don’t claim it is space opera-worthy, in operas people drown themselves because of cursed sailors, kill over a break up, decapitate over a bad dream and get dragged to hell over a dinner, not persuade their fallen lovers to change their ways, let alone patienly wait for them the understand the error of their ways (and if they do it’s doomed to end in someone dying).

[unproduciblesmackdown]

oh, continuing on from too-long, incoherent post made hours ago when nobody was online, obvs, No-Friends Club members put ur hands in—

one weird thing i remembered is the Experience of like, time to put interpersonal boundaries in place by setting boundaries on My Own Emotions, you know what i’m saying! like for example the Cold Math issue of having no friends, where like, you have a few ppl who talk with you, and just like, thanks to proportions and statistics alone, on your end its like thank god for these noble few who are each like, 490% of the good interactions you get in life, the beautiful line of defense between you and utter isolation, and on their end its gonna be like, you’re a person they talk to sometimes. and that’s too easy to forget sometimes so i just commit to remembering it, and like, deliberately Not getting overenthused/overinvested about it, cuz it’s just not fun to sorta put the cart before the horse and then have the repeated realization that you’re really not going to be an official friend or whatever or that significant a figure in other ppl’s lives. rough!! you know what i’m talking about re: this experience?

it’s just tricky and i don’t even entirely have a handle on it to this day (tho a way better handle on it than when i had to figure out how this situation worked years ago) in part cuz like, actually, despite having been isolated in varying degrees for like, basically my whole life except less during college tho i often had Big Lonely problems then too, despite that and also despite anxiety ishes (issues) and discomfort with social situations sometimes for other reasons, i’m like, actually a real social person when its the kind of social setup i Can be comfortable with, which is a decent variety imo. and i really like people actually, if they arent terrible, and i really like interacting with them If They Arent Terrible, and in theory i would Love to have friends and that’s always been true. and im an enthusiastic and passionate person, what can i say, so it’s a funky time having to reign that in when yknow, generally, like “oh im excited to have a friend” should be a wholly positive sentiment that’s not gonna burn you as long as the other person isn’t evil. but! i do gotta rein in that sentiment. like settle down. like i was saying before about not “hoping” to have friends technically even tho of course i’d always like to and like, if anything erring on the side of caution and not being like, oh yeah these ppl who interact on occasion / amicably with me are my friends. undersell myself eh. if i have friends i’ll try to figure it out after the fact rather than overestimate connections and be disappointed ad infinitum or what have u

also! bring it tf in for ppl with “weird” social skills! losers since preschool or whenever you started being around groups of your age peers! having the intangible Vibe that ppl pick up on and you get sort of socially written off or the Sort-Of-Contempt which is loads of fun. and kind of operating on slightly different frequencies communication wise, or having your social / behavioral cues be misread b/c its not the “normal” meaning, all that kinda thing, so that your Trying To Be Friendly might be Weird In A Bad Way to other ppl, or your social discomfort getting read as “they don’t like us” instead of “they aren’t comfortable with some aspects of this situation”, etc etc etc.....it’s a bummer cuz like, thank god for online socialization b/c in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons its so much more doable for me, but there’s still ways it has downsides, like, i don’t like groupchats which is like, synonymous with We’re Actual Friends Now, so, tough break for me there, and i don’t often start talking to ppl b/c i don’t assume any particular individual would be interested in that and it takes ages for it to occur to me that anyone might, and i don’t think i always am that good at writing my thoughts and also just like In Person i often don’t know what/how to say things even with zero pressure and also just like in person i can be sort of cagey and Underwhelming......whereas IN person i can actually be chatty as fuck and often overtalkative and i like to Get Silly and all that shit. not to say im not underwhelming in person, too! cuz yeah most of the time im overly quiet and people are surprised when i talk or when i make reference to the fact i have Big Opinions and big emotions b/c they thought i just had an equally quiet inner world i guess lol.......like yeah!! on one hand i’m like woops im fucking this up cuz im holding back and on the other hand its like uh oh now im making a mess cuz when i dont hold back im generally not In Accordance With Ppls Tastes And Preferences cuz im being too much. sort of lose-lose-lose. me and cats are the same. also i ought to be better at initiating conversation but i’m crap at it cuz im like, lowkey constant assumption that if ppl arent talking to me they don’t want to and it’d be annoying to say something, which is not Correct. but also i’m always nervous and nervous about ppl. oh well, we’ll get there maybe

anyways i like when characters have no friends and it’s not for lack of trying/wanting them!! it’s a weird experience and ya love that Relatable Material. like its funny alana calling everyone “acquaintances” cuz im out here doing that already lol my friendly acquaintances......like ideally yeah it’d be nice to have close friends but i do appreciate Being A Casual Fixture On The Perimeters Of Someone’s Life And Maybe Sometimes I Get To Be A Small Positive Experience In Their Existence for what it is, but it Is fairly depressing being the fleeting NPC in the outer / tangential orbits of mostly everybody who knows you. c’est la vie!!!! it is both good and not good. anyway back to acquaintances. yeah like seeing that “earnest efforts to have friends but it fails for various reasons” is fun cuz like yeah!! population: Same! though i’ve never really been like that specific character. i also like the book “the murder of bindy mackenzie” and the character is kind of like alana’s too. an academically supersuccessful girl who tries to reach out to her peers but her methods don’t work and she’s misreading others and others are misreading her and she’s distressed about various aspects of her life and also, someone’s trying to kill her. though i wasn’t too much like those other characters either. i feel like luna lovegood makes the list, on account of she like, is just nice and friendly but nobody likes her because of apparently weird interests which shouldnt be considered weird but i guess that was a probably-accidental commentary on how arbitrary Social Acceptability can be, and also because she is sort of unusual in terms of her average demeanor, and that’s not really reason not to like her but not only does she have no friends but also people are just sort of mean to her. feels real man! fondly recalling the times i’ve had to realize in retrospect that people were actually making fun of me...etc etc...other depressing things......and shoutout to the black suits for having that collective representation of varying ways to be a weird dumbass with Issues who nobody likes. very meta that i’ve wished i could be in a shitty for-fun high school garage band for the Hanging Out With Friends aspect of it alone. nato is also great representation for “superlative academic performance but doesn’t actually care about school and only cares about like, a snail he saw today, and being a weird goofaround loser 24/7”

where was i going with this!! just adding on more ideas i guess. Tumblr Mobile Don’t Eat My Post. other lifelong members of the no-friends-and-it-sucks club @ me!! struggling with figuring out how to at least feel more okay with your crappy social experience because there’s no real way to feel good about it but we’re at least trying to feel less bad, @ me! we’re valid and we’re Didn’t Ask For This But Here We Are

[kendrixtermina]

It's not your "4 fix" that makes people think you're a infp. It's your obvious inferior Te. People like midlink have told you a thousand times: high Ti users break down their thought process instead of sending a long walk of text with difficult and over researched words. A intp wouldn't need a "long list with points and examples with less vague definitions" because that's Te, a Ti Dom is not as sure about their type as you're so stubborn with yours. You don't explain yourself like a intp.

Ah you’re one of their cronies. as I suspected. 

One group of raid-loving associates is hardly “people”. Calm your Fe tits and get perspective. . 

I shall not be wasting further time on this nor repeating the same arguments I made weeks ago, other than the tl; dr is that you’re shoehorning my words into your conceptions of the definitions with a generous helping of word-twisting and presumption. 

An amusing example for casual readers:

Me: “Be precise and specific. Give me reason to give your random claim attention and consideration.” ( that is, Don’t use a vague  that could be applied to anything)

They: You asked for said you needed “less vague” definitions [as in easier to understand] hence inf Te. 

It’s like those ppl who argue their fav character is an INFJ  and blame all the obvious, copious and constant displays of sensing on “inferior Se”. never mind that an inferior function would generally be used mostly when triggered rather than being the person’s default aproach.

I mean take a step back and look at this.  Do they realize that they’ve just basically claiming that using, referencing or researching technical jargon is something an INTP would never do? I don’t think they meant to do that  because it’s opposite of like what any source ever tell you about INTPs when you first ask what they are. Stereotypes don’t apply to everyone but the love of nerd jargon and researching new topics seems to be widespread. 

Rather this is insofar as I can tell a honest mistake due to using bad definitions. 

Good example for these “One trick pony, simplistic” conception of the functions a la “Si is memory” or “Ni is planning” that creates so much confusion, in their case “all referencing is Te”. In truth one behavior can be done by various processes in various ways. 

Since neither of us invented mbti and we wish to talk about mbti and not some thing we’ve made up from scratch on our own, we would have to read up on sources in order to talk about this mbti thing and use jargon in order to discuss the topic with precision and familiarize ourselves with the concept.

Since no human can invent the wealth of modern science themselves we ALL have to reference at some point. That’s no more a particular function than memory rather function influences how we reference. I daresay a lot of referenciing is also Ne but that would be a more associative sort. 

With the T functions its more about connections - the difference is more that Te takes the data as it is as basic “building blocks” which it then build into methods, procedures and applications, whereas Ti tries to understand what the source “means” that is recreate a model of the concept and its logical interconnections in their head. They won’’t just go and use the fact right away until they have analyzed it for themselves, but they may well think “this is an useful concept!” and adopt it, making additions or changes for themselves or synthezising their own understanding from multiple sources depending on what convinces them whereas the Te user adopts an alghorithm/procedure based on how well it gets results. 

Accepting info after checking it isn’t the same as just “swallowing” it. There’s a difference between citing a source as an appeal to authority or doing it so the other person knows which imput you used, which parts of the thinking are yours and to go and form their own conclusions. Obviously I would not reference concepts that did not convince me but the decision wether to be convinced or not is made via how the concept mashes with previous understanding and wether it makes logical sense not because I have seen its results and widely found useful by ppl in general (Te) - indeed a lot of this advanced in depht socianics stuff isn’t known or used by many people but I use it because I have found it makes sense and makes good distinctions.barring future changes of opinion of course.

Indeed knowledge only through results but not and unless there’s very good proof I tend to disbelieve or be sceptical of claims of casual relation if there is no mechanistical explanation of HOW thing A can possibly affect thing B. For better or for worse. Sometimes it turns out the local INTJ was right and a problem really ~was~ the laundry detergent’s fault even if I did not know how. . 

But in either case the person will talk of square roots when they encounter a square root or a problem that square roots  are relevant and refer to the word “square root”. Not everyone who ever did this is a FP or TJ. The difference is more in the focus understanding: TE: “You get a square root by multiplying a number with itself.” Ti: “A square root is a number’s multiple of itself.” - hence why socionics calls it procedural logic or alghorithms (”This is how you do it.” where the answer is a method) vs. structural logic or laws. (”What is it?” where the answer is a cathegory in the TPs’ sorting system)

Te is not just repeating phrases. TJs and FPs do not just repeat stuff - they know, to varying degrees, when and how to use what depending on what they encounter and criticize/ find fault in such methods. (Indeed in my experience the types who do the most “unsynthesized repeating of statements” are usually Ti inferiors who often compensate with a very Fe ish, “A said X statement but B said Y so I am asking a third person consensus decision process and they seem to have a hard time extracting extra information from a statement by deduction.)

What Jung meant by “objective” or “Subjective” in his original definition of the functions - which I’ve studied -  is not the colloquial sense of the words (that extroverted functions only copy and that introverted ones make every) but wether “the attention begins with the subject” or “the object.”

That means ddoes the thought start with the person, or with what they are seeing? 

Te, Ne, Fe, and Se will pay attention to the stimulus because it’s there wether it’s reacting to a feeling, awknowledging a fact, reacting to a sensation, noticing an association etc. with Fi, Ti, Si and Ni the process begins from the inside - how does the stimulus relate to the subject and their own feelings/beliefs/archetypes/past sensations? Hence why Te pays attention to things that are ‘relevant’ whereas Ti follows what the person is interested in & may not show much interest in what is deemed “relevant” by broad society hence the math geek who knows nothing about movie stars etc. 

And once you understand that it is way more probable that I have Ti insofar as I can discern I match those patterns very well. 

IDK who OP is surely can’t type them from just this paragraph but I recall that a lot of ppl of the group from the 2 weeks back poster were ENTPs so for a moment I’ll work off the asumption that you are one it would make a lot of sense if you were even if its not the only option. 

This is where the fine distinctions of socionics concepts are useful particularly in how they describe the difference between different function slots such as auxillary and as well as Victor Gulenko’s “Cognitive styles” (I am almost certainly holographic-panoramic so assuming that I was indeed mistaken and was a Fi user all along, I’d be an ENFP if anything.

It may come down to a difference between ENTP and INTP.

But to make iot short and cut to the basics the idea  - which at least to me seemed consistent with all my observations - is that the auxxilary or “creative” function is used to “create” new thoughts at the behest of the base/program/dominant function when the dom function switches it on. in any case the dominant function is what makes the primary decisions that is basic in any variant of jungian typology. 

Hence why an ENTP can defend a wolly foreign belief system on the fly in a debate, change opinion over night and reinterpret all past data to that end etc. but that is specific of auxillary Ti not all Ti. In an ENTP your auxillary spits out ever new all new such logically consistent frameworks at the whim of your dominant Ne. 

So Ne doms change their opinions very fast and are often constantly wondering if they’re mistyped - even when they know that this is common for Ne doms they still could be wrong and as Ne doms they primarily see the world as “coulds”. Since they have little Si they are not likely to give past experiences much weight and take longer to “retain” tendencies anyways so their opinions are not particularly inert especially if their gut fix is not nine. 

I mean think of it: Ti is an introverted function. It uses an internal framework to make decisions which it constantly mantains. New problems are either quickly decided based on past categories or require a slow introverted process of reorganization.  In an INTP, Ti is in charge and flips Ne on when needed.  Dom Ti fits everything into one big central framework which is the main organising principle of the person’s mind. 

When new data or queries are encountered the ENTP would first go to Ne and look at the possibility, examine it in its own right, and then later create or look for a logical framework that fits it. The INTP would go to Ti first, that is, try to fit it into that big preexisting net work. And only if it does not fit will it be reorganized, “Oh, I was wrong, so what else could it be? * activates Ne” 

 First time someone presents you with a possibility you will examine it but you won’t reexamine something from the ground up if you already “know” the terrain and have a strong detailed framework that explains why the person may think that even though you don’t think it’s true. You’re still open to changing your mind but a threshold of unaccounted data must be crossed before reevaluation will happen. That is how dominant  introverts work. It’s not stubborness its not reinventing the wheel twice. 

Its not uncommon for INTPs in particular to “miss” data that does not fit their framework at times and need some time to change entrenched beliefs. And again that’s not just me saying it that’s very common info with a simple cause: the way in which dominant Ti tries to fit everything in a preexisting framework first and then maybe changes. Really not making any wild controversial claims here. Also we have more Si than ENTPs making the ideas more inert for better or for worse. 

To summarize: 

Dominant Ti doesn’t change at the drop of a hat like aux Ti especially in conjunction with tert si

Citing sources is basic rhetoric not Te the difference is in HOW the sources are used

The difference is in focus on the object vs begin of thinking inside the subject

in the end there’s only so much sense in discussing my thinking with a stranger who isn’t a telepath. I know my head but how would i prove that to you? 

(See the common apologist spiel about”All nonbelievers secretly believe.” Me: *feels no belief* actually no. - but how to I prove to someone what is or isn’t in my head, especially if their worldview doesn’t even allow for the possibility? Same with being in denial. How do you prove youre not in denial? especially when both no denial and denial can produce the answer “No im not?”.  )

Person A: You talk only about yourself!

Person B: No I do not`?

Person A: You’re doing it again! ... but you can’t answer a quetion anout yourself without mentioning yourself. Its the other person who mentioned you in the first place. So IDK if anything will even come of this except another hour of my life going out the window. 

[backpackfullofplums]

Little Sister

Summary: Based on this anon request-

Can you write one for me? Tony's baby sister moving to the tower after a nasty break up with an abusive bf and he asks Bucky to help her with some self defense moves? She's super shy and sweet to ppl. They end up dating and tony approves cause he knows Bucky would never hurt her.

Bucky x reader. FLUFF/BRIEF ANGST. Word count: 1,818.

TW: Reference to abusive ex (not super detailed).

A/N: Sorry this took so long, but I kept toying with the ending until I got what I think was the best result. I hope you enjoy it!!!

“Hey everyone, so this is my younger sister Y/N. She’ll be staying in the tower for awhile, so if could all be your usual warm and welcoming, that would be great,” said Tony as he introduced you to the team. They were all sitting around the television in the common room watching a movie.

“I didn’t know you had a younger sister, Stark,” said Sam.

“Yeah, Y/N doesn’t like the spotlight quite like I do,” replied Tony.

“Well, make yourself at home, Y/N. On behalf of everyone, welcome,” said Steve.

“Yeah! It’ll be nice to have another girl around! What brings you here, Y/N?” asked Wanda.

“Well, let’s just say my prior living situation didn’t really work out,” you explained.

“Bad roommate?” asked Clint.

“Yeah, something like that.” You didn’t really want to dump your baggage on everyone the first time you met them. Despite Tony being your older brother, you didn’t really know these people and still wanted to make a decent first impression. After some more hellos and introductions, Tony showed you to your room. It didn’t take you long to unpack, so you decided to just lay on your bed and read for awhile. Much to your surprise, after about an hour there was a quiet knock on your door.

“Come in!” you shouted through the door as you sat up and closed your book. The door opened and in walked Bucky.

“Hi Y/N. I just thought I’d stop by to see if you needed any help unpacking or if you needed any of the furniture moved. I know when I moved in I rearranged pretty much everything,” said Bucky. He emitted a sort of awkward charm that instantly drew you to him.

“Well, I’m done unpacking and I’m actually pretty happy with the furniture layout, but I could use a tour of the tower if you wouldn’t mind showing me around. I’ve only been here a few times. The city is a little busy for me, so usually Tony would come visit me instead of me coming here to see him.”

“Sure! I’d love to show you around. You wanna go now?”

“That would be great!”

Bucky took you through the tower, showing you everything from the garage to the library. Eventually you reached the gym, where you found Steve and Tony sparring.

“Hey, sis! This guy giving you trouble?”

“No, Tony. Bucky’s just giving me a tour. What are you guys up to?”

“Just a little sparring. Gotta keep those skills up or else you lose ‘em,” explained Steve.

“Oh. I wouldn’t know anything about that. I’m more of a yoga gal.”

“Hey! I have an idea! Barnes—how about you give my sister some fighting lessons. You know, like self-defense stuff?” asked Tony.

“Oh Tony, I—“ you began, but your brother cut you off.

“Look, Y/N. You’ve got a whole building full of people here to protect you, but we can’t be around 24/7. You should be prepared, just in case you run into him or something.”

“Wait, who are we talking about?” asked Bucky.

“My ex. The reason I moved here. He had a temper and yelled a lot so I left. It’s been over for a long time, but the last time I moved he found me and left me with a black eye. Tony put him in the hospital for a month—I have such a good big brother. Anyway, Tony brought me here to keep me safe. Maybe some self-defense lessons would be a good precaution though.”

“Well I’d be happy to teach you, Y/N,” said Bucky. You graciously accepted and made plans to meet in the gym the next morning before breakfast.

After your tour, you were pretty tired—moving always seemed so exhausting to you, so you ate a quick dinner in your room and went to bed early. The following morning, you were ready to meet Bucky in the gym for your first training session, but you got lost on the way there. After 20 minutes of wandering around the tower trying to find it, you finally stumbled upon the gym where you found Bucky stretching on the floor.

“Oversleep?” asked Bucky.

“No, I got lost. Maybe I should’ve taken notes yesterday when you showed me around.”

“Do you have your phone on you? I’ll give you my number and then if you get lost you can call or text me. Same goes if you just wanna talk or feel like hanging out.” You handed Bucky your phone and he added his number in. You shot him a quick text so he’d have your number as well, and set your phone down on a shelf by the door.

“Okay, you ready to get started?” asked Bucky.

“Umm, I guess. I don’t really know anything about this stuff though, so you’ll have to start from the beginning if that’s okay.”

“That’s definitely okay. We’ll start with how to throw a punch. Now make a fist for me.” You held up your hand and wrapped your fingers around your thumb.

“Close, but not quite. Is it okay if I touch you?” asked Bucky.

“Umm, yeah. Thanks for asking.” He reached out and grabbed your hand with his, correcting your form.

“You want your thumb on the outside,” said Bucky. Your lesson continued for almost two hours, during which Bucky taught you how to throw a good punch, block a hit, and a couple escape moves, before ending with some light sparring.

“Well, that’s probably enough for today. Wanna grab some breakfast?”

“Sounds good to me,” you replied. The two of you gathered your things and headed up to the kitchen.

Training and breakfast quickly became an everyday routine for you and Bucky, and soon enough that routine also included a mid-morning movie (Bucky was still trying to catch up, after all) and lunch. Depending on the weather, you and Bucky often spend your afternoons going for walks, swims, or staying inside playing board games or video games. You started skipping team dinners because Bucky was taking you to all of his favorite restaurants in the city. You were spending pretty much all of your free time with him, and it didn’t go unnoticed by the team.

“Barnes, can I talk to you for a minute?” you heard Tony ask Bucky in the kitchen. You knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but you couldn’t help it so you hid around the corner and listened in.

“Sure. What’s up?”

“I was chatting with Steve and Nat this morning, and you came up in the course of conversation,” Tony paused, and you couldn’t see him but you were sure Tony was giving Bucky his famous skeptical face. “Specifically, how much time you’re spending with my little sister,” said Tony.

“Well, yeah. Y/N and I are friends and we live in the same building, so obviously we’re gonna spend a lot of time together,” Bucky stammered. You heard him crack his knuckles—something he only did when he was feeling uncomfortable.

“Look, Barnes. I just wanted to let you know I’m okay with you dating my sister if you want to, assuming she’s interested. Nat’s pretty observant, you know, and she’s pretty sure Y/N likes you.”

“’Tasha said that?” asked Bucky.

“Yep. Now, Y/N hasn’t had the easiest go at life, but neither have you, so I guess you’d probably be pretty good for each other. I just wanted to let you know that I approve, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, Tony.”

“No problem. Does that mean you’re gonna ask her out?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that the next time I see her, otherwise I’ll chicken out and never do it,” said Bucky with an embarrassed chuckle.

“Good luck, Barnes. Now, I know you’ll be good to her, but as an older brother I feel obligated to tell you that if you break her heart, I’ll break your spine.” Without another word Tony walked out of the kitchen, oblivious to your presence in the hallway. You waited a few seconds, took a deep breath, and walked into the kitchen, knowing Bucky had a very important question for you.

“Hey, Bucky,” you said, trying to sound calm and casual.

“Do you wanna go on a date with me? Wait, do people still do that? Or do they just jump into a relationship? Do you wanna do that? Or do you just wanna go get something to eat? Am I asking a lot of questions? I feel like I’m asking a lot of questions,” said Bucky so quickly you were sure he never took a breath.

“Well, umm, a date seems kinda pointless,” you paused and saw the light drain from Bucky’s eyes as a look of disappointment swept over his face. “Ah! Sorry! I didn’t mean it to sound like I don’t like you, it’s just that we’re practically dating already, if ya think about it. I mean, we go out to dinner, we go to movies, go on hikes, all that kind of stuff,” You flashed Bucky the flirtiest smile you could come up with.

“I never really thought about it that way, but you’re right. Well, do you want to take it to the next level then? You know, be my girlfriend?”

“I’d like that, and don’t worry—I think my brother will be cool with it.”

“Wait, were you…” Bucky trailed off as a confused look grew on his face.

“Listening? No. Overhearing? Yes. I didn’t talk to Tony about us though—that was all him.”

“Overhearing. Convenient,” chuckled Bucky. “Well how about the two of us go overhear some team gossip, because I’m fairly certain Sam is listening in on us right now.” Bucky pointed over to the same spot where you had been hiding. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath to confirm Bucky’s suspicion.

“Sam, if you’re gonna try to be sneaky you really shouldn’t wear so much cologne. If you’re that desperate to smell nice, you should leave the spying to the actual spies!” you yelled, prompting Sam to waltz out of his hiding spot and into the kitchen.

“I can’t give up the cologne—ladies love it. I also can’t wait to tell everyone about this, so I’ve gotta go!” Sam raced out of the kitchen, and neither you nor Bucky bothered chasing him.

“Well, I guess that saves us the trouble of telling everyone we’re dating,” said Bucky.

“For sure, which gives us time to do more interesting things.”

“Like what?” asked Bucky through a grin.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe making out on the library balcony?”

“Good Lord, I knew I should’ve asked you out sooner!” Bucky scooped you up and threw you over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry and headed for the elevator, and by the time he pressed the button to go to the library you were both laughing so hard there were tears in your eyes.

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