#anyway yeah im mentally unwell about him-

[obsessivecreechur]

lost motivation right when i was about to start coloring this in so uh. here have this unfinished ref-

absolutely gnawing on him like a feral animal i love him so much

[narwhalandchill]

85 surgically implanted psychiatry degrees and still lost the fight against clinical depression and existential nihilism day 1. everyone point and laugh please

[borom1r]

WAILING @theshakespearetrash sent me 2 ask memes for Boromir asks (who is very much Not my OC skfhshfjjs but I will Always do character analysis I love character analysis so much. rotating him so fast in my brain. microwaving him on high)

+ not to be a kinnie on main (voice of a man who is always a kinnie on main) but I will be answering these all w/ a sort of Boromir-lives scenario in mind -w-

anyways ask meme 1 + ask meme 2

1. What memory would your OC rather just forget?

ok I feel like it’s the cop-out answer to say “his fall to the ring” but I feel like Boromir is the sort of person to.. not like stew on things but very much takes the stance of “good or bad, all my choices got me to the current moment and made me who I am.” + I feel like there’s so much tangled up in his fall completely beyond his control where that’s the only memory that he’d like. actively want to erase from his mind

2. What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

HM. good with kids. I think unless you’d seen him with Faramir/his cousins when they were younger you wouldn’t guess (he’s a soldier and a very plain man when he’s not putting on a show for his father), but he’s just genuinely great with kids

3. What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

loves too much + quick to lose hope. painfully aware of this

4. When scared, does your OC fight, flee, freeze or fawn?

fight response. 100% the kind of man who gets kicked out of a haunted house for punching a scareactor even though he knew a scare was coming. Faramir and Aragorn have both almost gotten throttled bc they unintentionally snuck up on him

5. How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

OOO. When He Is Of Sound Mind, not actually very far. he was raised with the knowledge he would be giving his life to Gondor, whether he died in battle or sat on the throne as steward. add to that the act he puts on for Denethor, everything he does to protect Faramir— he’s a man born to serve. his own wants come last

6. How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

it would take. a DESPERATELY long time and an almost complete degradation of his mental state. Boromir arrives in Rivendell in October 3018, and the very next day is the Council, at which point he sees the ring and is IMMEDIATELY influenced by it. yet he doesn’t fully fall to it until the end of February 3019. he’d been fighting its pull for almost four whole months by the time he does anything malicious. resisting the One Ring for FOUR MONTHS. <- reasons why if I see someone call Boromir weak for falling to it I will see red.

7. What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

teehee obviously again Boromir is not my OC so I will take this as an excuse to Be A Kinnie + say, I do remember Boromir being returned to us sometime after my coronation. so that’s one way my memories differ from canon, which is sort of an answer to this prompt snfjsjfj

8. Would your OC ostensibly be able to get away with murder?

OH YEAH. I mean yeah if we’re talking like actual criminal murder and not just Slaying People On A Battlefield like. yeah 100% he would IF he was within Minas Tirith. you know Denethor would do everything in his power to cover that up lmfao

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

YEAH YAYYYY I GET TO MAKE MORE PPL LISTEN TO CROM AND BARONESS!!!!

anyways “have you ever seen a man so strong have you ever seen a man so great when he fights time stands still and everything seems so unreal but deep inside of him this man is torn” what if I bit things about this song

+ also listening to Magnolia and Shock Me by Baroness with Aragorn/Boromir in mind makes me ill. im Unwell.

10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

HMMMMM The Frankenstein Chronicles gave me brain worms so I might write a Frankenstein-inspired thing at some point. sth sth consequences of divine resurrection

11. What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

RAAAAGH. AUTISM TIMEEEEE.

Boromir uses a hand-and-a-half arming sword (meaning it’s balanced for single or double-handed use, with a crossguard). it’s a really elegant sword, very simple and utilitarian. speaks to an adaptable combat style as well. but, interestingly? Boromir carries a Rohirric shield, and if you notice Rohirric swords don’t actually HAVE crossguards the way Gondorian blades do. this tracks, and was common with Roman and early Germanic swords— BECAUSE these cultures were Also relying on shields for blocking.

and an additional note, Faramir’s sword is single-handed. so we’ve got a ranger who prefers the use of a bow and hasn’t experimented much with his sword combat, and his brother who prefers a sword and carries a very versatile blade with 1) a Rohirric shield and 2) a ranger’s vambraces designed to protect his arms from a (nonexistent) bowstring. I just find Boromir’s mix of protective gear so interesting, esp if you consider he and Théodred as at LEAST friends. like Boromir carries so much of the people he cares for with him into strange lands even when he (arguably) has little need for such gear

12. Is your OC self-destructive? In what ways?

yes and no. I think, not consciously? but he absolutely values himself lower than the people he cares for. he goes to Rivendell to keep Faramir out of danger, he takes multiple arrows to the chest and keeps fighting to defend Merry and Pippin. I think if there’s a risk of someone he loves getting hurt, all self-preservation goes out the window

13. If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

oh I would be staring at him like a predatory animal and trying to psychically convince him to lay on me in full armor

14. How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

HGH. ok I don’t think he necessarily. does?? and this is generally a Silly Little Headcanon bc of a comment a Most Beloved Friend made abt how everyone gets their autism from their dad (real+true) + now in my head “haha Faramir got his autism from Boromir instead” BUT. like genuinely I don’t think Boromir has an actual image of himself in his head or like processes that ppl perceive him, necessarily. and particularly when his father is holding him up as this aspirational figurehead for Gondor, like… I think he’s just himself, in his head. idk how to describe it well for the neurotypical ppl in the room snfskfjs sorry. like I don’t process myself as having Traits so ppl tell me they think I’m cool or funny or they enjoy being around me and it’s always like “!!! oh!” + I think Boromir is the same way. I think Faramir could describe Boromir to him + Boromir would just be like. “huh.”

15. Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?

it’s Sean Bean + it will always be Sean Bean. sorry other Boromirs you simply pale in comparison

16. What is your OC's pain tolerance like?

VERY high by necessity. he’s a soldier he’s absolutely patched up his own injuries before, at least to hold over until he could see an actual healer

17. What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

ahh. I wrote a very personal fic exploring self harm urges w/ Boromir, so I suppose that

18. Is your OC more cold and detached or up close and personal?

very personable, when he’s of sound mind sndnsj

19. How does your OC behave when enraged?

oh he’s a silent anger type for sure. just seethes quietly. hello, consequences of spending time in an environment where you have no actual outlet for your anger + must simply sit there and Stew.

20. Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

again, When He’s Of Sound Mind, no. the man’s got a big heart and life’s too short to be petty

21. Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

hitting him with the autism beam bc I can. I do also think he’s lost at least partial use of his arm in a Boromir Lives scenario, considering where the first arrow struck him

22. What character alignment would you consider your OC to be?

HMMM neutral good. he’s not chaotic enough to be.. chaotic (lol), and I think he’s too willing to go against Gondorian Popular Opinion to be lawful.

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

HMMMMM pain, actually. or “weakness.” I think if he can quantify it in his head as “showing weakness” then it’s getting stuffed in a mental box and Not Addressed

24. What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

ok well. None. I think with his circumstances he had zero choice in his path. HOWEVER. I am deeply DEEPLY fond of Boromir learning how to play an instrument after the war ends. I STILL struggle to blow my wassail horn that shit takes SKILL that I do not currently have and Boromir was the BEST at blowing his horn?????? I think he deserves to learn how to play an instrument, esp bc Aragorn, Merry and Pippin would ALL be delighted to have Boromir play while they sing. Boromir learning hobbit folk songs????? Rohirric songs, to honor Théodred?? yeagh.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

HES SO. FUNDAMENTALLY LOVING. love is such a core aspect of his character he is so wholly loving that the ring has NO CHOICE but to try to twist that love. bc it’s all Boromir has. love. im going to throw up abt him.

AAAAAAAAAND:

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

has he ever BEEN completely alone? mm, no. has he ever felt that isolated? I think absolutely, by the time the fellowship leaves Caras Galadhon. obviously he doesn’t deal with it well el oh el.

as for how he acts when no one’s around to see him… I don’t think much changes, tbh. he’s not the kind of man to Perform for anyone except his father, and then with the express purpose of placating the man and keeping his ire towards Faramir to a minimum

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

been betrayed? hm. truthfully, no, though I’m certain he felt betrayed by Aragorn’s reluctance to be anything resembling a king.

has He betrayed someone? Technically Yes, though again, if we apply the qualifier of “When He’s Of Sound Mind” the answer is no. his betrayal comes under the influence of a Malicious Magical Artifact Which Has Been Fucking With His Mind For Months, so.

bound: Has your OC ever been imprisoned or captured? What happened? How did they get out? Did the experience leave any scars?

ooo, hm. I think not, actually, though it is a fun little idea for angst

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

gestures wildly at canon. I mean that’s his lowest. we’ve all seen it.

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

again, canon— to see his people safe. he’s very open with that desire, lol

failure: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

AH. canon again. though what he does to move past it… mm. quite a lot of atonement, I think. perhaps of the self-destructive, working-himself-too-hard variety. I do think speaking with Faramir about *his* experience with the ring would help, because Boromir is the first to hold Faramir up as this sort of paragon of Goodness. so I think to know *Faramir* was tempted would help him better ground his experiences as, like…. Not A Deep Moral Failure Exclusive To Himself

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

ehehe. this is one thing I’ve touched on in a Faramir-centric fic, but the idea that the ring showed Boromir visions of Faramir dying at Denethor’s hand should he fail to return with the ring.

had Boromir lived to discover Denethor had nearly burned Faramir alive…… Mmmm. mmmmmmmm.

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

worst possible? if he’d actually managed to claim the ring. I shan’t elaborate -_-

ghost: Who or what haunts your OC? What happened? How do they live with their ghosts?

MM. his own actions. dead friends, dead loved ones. though if you mean literally, haunts him, I do like to think that Théodred’s Oðr pays Boromir a visit every now and again

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

see above. handles it?? mm. atonement, again. direct action. he accepts it and does what he can to make it right

hate: What does your OC hate? Why? How do they act towards the object of their hatred?

HATE? Orcs, probably. Sauron. that tentacle motherfucker outside Moria. he’s not a hateful man, so. shrugs.

heartbreak: Have they ever had a relationship that ended badly? Experienced some other kind of heartbreak? What happened?

that ended badly in the interpersonal sense? mm, unlikely. more ended badly in the “somebody fucking died” sense.

I do think he had One (1) fledgling romance in Dol Amroth that ended with the other squire dying and that was sort of the catalyst for “ah. If I love people they’ll Probably Die, so maybe I won’t do that” baggage that he didn’t really unpack until, I think, Théodred. add the additional layers of Denethor Being Denethor and Boromir having such great standards to live up to…. with all the love in my heart, that relationship only happened bc Théodred saw Boromir, went “I need to fuck that Gondorian so bad it makes me look stupid” and proceeded to work his way through 1700 layers of gondorian mental bullshit just so he could suck some dick (me too bestie)

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

hm. my first instinct is to say “not much” but ultimately I think he’d hide anything he can quantify as “weakness.” his own distress, any physical pain if he needs to be up and moving, etc. he’s only able to share that earnest moment with Aragorn in Caras Galadhon bc of Galadriel’s influence. he’s not used to being seen. so, if there is sth that would hold him back from fulfilling his duty as a soldier it is absolutely getting hidden/ignored.

hunt: Who or what is your OC hunted by? A person, a feeling, a past mistake? Is your OC able to let their guard down, or are they constantly alert?

hm. not necessarily Hunted, but I do think he is followed by Denethor’s expectations. it’s sth I’ve talked abt in another ask + that I go into in the costuming doc but such a key element of Denethor’s design is his son’s motifs but Richer, Grander. so… I do think Boromir is constantly alert of, like, how his father will perceive him, bc there is this very insidious sort of competition, this need for Denethor to show his sons up (whether a conscious need or not). and I do think that would weigh on Boromir quite heavily

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

mm again I think he only really wears a mask/performs for Denethor. anyone else would be too much effort for too little reward. at least if he plays Golden Son for his father, it keeps Faramir from being harassed as much

however, as for who gets to see him when he’s.. not just unmasked but actually RELAXED… Faramir, his uncle and cousins, Théodred, Aragorn, the others in the fellowship but particularly Merry and Pippin

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

does he have nightmares? oh definitely. what he does in the small hours of the night? depends. if he’s on campaign/traveling/otherwise away from Minas Tirith he will either lay there in his bedroll and Think (bad) or get up and write letters. depends entirely on where he’s stationed/who he’s with. if he Is at home in Minas Tirith, I expect he just goes for a walk + looks at the sky

mistake: What's the worst mistake your OC ever made? What led to them making it? Have they been able to fix it? How have they moved on?

I think I’ve pretty much answered all of this above, so skfjsjdh

monster: Is your OC monstrous in any way? Is there something that makes them monstrous? Are they aware of their own monstrosity? Do they accept it or reject it?

nah, he’s not ❤️‍🩹

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

answered w midnight for the most part— I’ll just add that no, he wouldn’t really talk about his nightmares. that requires showing vulnerability lol. I think Théodred and Aragorn are the only two who could coax him into speaking about his nightmares/fears (he wouldn’t want to burden Faramir with such nonsense)

pain: What's the worst pain your OC has ever felt? Do they have a high pain tolerance?

answered sorta (yes he has a high pain tolerance) but worst pain? gonna go with three orc arrows to the chest

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

HMMMM again I don’t think there are many secrets. I do think if Denethor found out he liked men it would be disastrous

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

hm. I think he’s generally at ease with himself, or at least content with Not Thinking About These Things. I think, had he directly survived the arrows, he would have to grapple with like. the idea that he did prove Aragorn’s fears about men correct (whether Aragorn would agree with him or not)

torture: Has your OC ever been tortured? Would your OC ever torture someone else?

Four Months Of Slow Mental Degradation Due To An Accursed Magical Artifact!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

(no he wouldn’t torture anyone else)

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

hm. He would say mostly physical wounds. I’d argue a mix of both. he’ll accept as much care as he needs to stay on his feet and fighting. worst wound is definitely still arrows lol

[genmaichafan]

FREN! IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE’VE TALKED!

WHAT IF: Some rando has been trying to flirt with the reader. He seems to be ignoring how uncomfortable the reader is. This makes Donna incredibly jealous, as she doesn’t take kindly to creeps trying to steal away her girlfriend. As such, she TERRIFIES the creep and sweeps her gf home (lots of kisses and fluff ensue).

TY SM

Hello hello friend i have written it sorry i dont think its my best work and i kinda ignored the second half of the prompt because i uhh got lost in the sauce of an idea.

Anyways enjoy.

Donna x f!reader. modern au. sfw.

You had been at the coffee bar for a while now, Donna had just gone out to grab something quickly at the time being.

You loved this coffee shop.

the barista was friendly and always knew your favourite order. The seat you always wanted in the corner was often empty. And most of all it was quiet.

Something both Donna and you appreciated.

But today of all days there was a promotion going on for old brew that seemed to draw in people like crazy.

it was packed.

and worst of all there was this guy here. That seemed to be eying you up and down with a smirk, something in his eyes said he thought you were easy prey.

”donna please come back so we can leave” you whispered under your breath.

”talking to you self pretty lady?”

oh god he actually approached you.

”yeah i like talking to myself and the voices!” You tried to make him think you were mentally unwell so he would leave you alone.

”whoa. Spicy. I like that.”

you internally face palmed. This frat boy was not going to leave you any times soon.

“Yes I actually am waiting for my partner-“

”oh yeah? You guys open or something?”

you hadn’t noticed but donna had been back from whatever errand she had been doing and had heard the very last thing the creepy man said. She was seething beyond repair.

”no we aren’t open.”

”oh you're her partner?”

he eyed her up and down like he did you earlier.

Donna’s response to this was to start speaking tongues of obscure italian. literally cursing the man. Donna was not a witch but she was trying to cast imaginary spells.

to further sell her game she took out her large and intimidating garden pruning sheers and cut off a lock of his hair really quickly. Not before clutching and blowing the lock into his face further selling the gambit.

The gullible man's face was turning more and more pale and when the final move was cast his hands were shaking.

”w-witchcraft!!” He did not think twice about running away.

donna quickly walked up to you. Dropping the facade. Quickly taking up your hands into hers.

”are you okay mi amore?!”

”yes, thanks to you.” You smile was half amusement still remembering the display, and half adoration.

”im glad.” she brought her lips to your quickly, hoping to wipe the remainder of the man’s presence on your mind away.

”what were you going to get?”

”thats a secret. For now.”

”no fair you know i dont like secrets.”

”i know i know but im hoping youll be happy to see it.”

_____

“Are you sure we should go to our secret spot? It’s going to be super dark this time of night.”

”I promise it won't be that bad mi amore.”

Had it been anyone else you would have not believed them. You were heading to a secret alcove in the nearby park that Donna and your friends liked to hang out at but it didn't have much of a way of being illuminated in the dark, but you knew better.

”ok i trust you.”

Donna's response to this was to take your hand and begin racing towards the park pulling you along with her.

you two laughed along the whole way as if playing like children.

_____

When you arrived you didn't want to say it but youre were kinda right.

it was almost pitch black in the hide away and you couldn’t really see anything. Luckily; you could make out certain shapes enough to not fall or trip on anything. Not to mention you suddenly had no idea where Donna was.

”Donna?”

”right here mi amore” she was right behind you.

“What are we doing here today my love?”

”oh you'll see.”

Just like that the lights that had never been here before turned on. The alcove was beautifully decorated to yours and donnas personal tastes almost as if there was going to be a celebration of shorts set up with fairy lights set up with an extra table with Champaign.

before you could even ask what was going on, Donna got down on one knee.

your breath hitched.

”[y/n], will you marry me?”

Somehow you had managed to bring yourself to affirm that you would in-fact love to marry Donna through the shock.

“Yes! I would love to marry you!”

You two quickly brought each other's lips halfway to meet in the middle in union. savoring the moment between you two and the deep connection you shared. Donna smiled so widely when you finally parted that she had to cover her face a bit. A bad habit that she had not managed to nip that you found extremely cute.

”I love you donna.”

”and I love you more than you could ever know.”

[ta5tier]

isat thoughts, go

[this ask is actually an excuse to ramble about whatever thing you can't get someone else to prompt you to ramble about]

i just woke up so this probably wont be too coherent but here we go!

I, like many, discovered ISAT through @jelloapocalypse’s fantastic video on the game, and by that I mean I watched the first 5 minutes of the video and immediately stopped and played the game myself.

I already liked time loops as a literary device, especially in games (outer wilds rocks, 12 minutes is interesting despite the general quality, etc) but ISAT managed to get me interested in the story and its characters before even introducing time loops as a mechanic. (Y’ALL I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR ISABEAU TO JUST COME OUT SWINGING LIKE THAT! I clocked that motherfucker before the gang even left dormont, he isnt smooth.)

ANYWAY besides the great character writing, ISAT also managed to nail its genre parody right off the bat, the literal RPS combat is so funny, Mirabelle gives off such RPG protagonist vibes, and its a neat take on the genre to center the narrative around the “edgy”rogue (HA Scissors pun). Along with the fact that Siffrin is absolutely the right amount of mentally unstable, you have all the perfect ingredients for great genre deconstruction.

Spoilers Under the Cut So be WARNED

There are tons of people talking about the story beats further so i’m not gonna spend more time here reinventing the wheel, but something I will talk about is how the game leverages ludonarrative assonance, I.e. how the game reflects the experience of the player as a part of the story.

In the case of ISAT, this manifests as the growing boredom both the player and Siffrin experience as they continue through the loops. On my first few loops I took care to avoid skipping dialogue and made sure my party was leveled up enough to succeed at any of the fights they faced. I explored thoroughly and enjoyed the process of doing so and I only reset when the game asked it of me.

But as the game continued I found myself zoning out of more and more dialogue, skipping more and more fights, and resetting whenever it would save me time. And Siffrin was with me all the way through all of it, his internal monologue growing increasingly disinterested with the affairs of his party members and the dangers they were in.

Ironically, in a game so outside my lived experience I found myself mentally aligned with Siffrin in a way that's frankly a little concerning. (im ok im not in a time loop lol)

The magic of ISAT for me was in that alignment, of feeling a shared purpose with a character, and in the breaking of that alignment in the games later acts. One of my favorite moments in any story is when I realize I can no longer fully root for the main character. Siffrin's last loop was that moment for me and I loved it. Siffrin's final trek through the House is so awful to watch but also represents the logical conclusion of his decent. The witty commentary is gone, his family is gone, the muscle memory that he and I shared in navigating the house is no longer reliable. Its all no longer necessary.

In Siffrin's mind, whats left of them isn't worth saving. And then finally, agonizingly, they are saved. Despite his best efforts to self destruct, his family come for him and they're mad and they're scared but they do it anyway, even when the world is ending around them.

Anyway yeah i love this game so much Siffrin is Stars' most mentally unwell soldier and i love them and their stupid family so much.

[heatwa-ves]

sorry i know this is coming from nowhere but please tell me about izumi i deleted the game before i ever learned anything about him 💔

oh my god ok. don't apologise I'm always always ready to infodump about my favs 💖

so. izumi is part of knights ofc and he's actually the person who made the unit along with leo back when their previous unit chess broke down. long story. he's also a model and has been modelling since his childhood which is where he first met naru and makoto.

he is uh. a bitch. in the nicest way possible he's such a bitch. in lionheart he describes himself as someone who's unable to be honest with himself so he comes off really harsh and rude but he does genuinely care about the people he's close to especially knights and also makoto.. sora describes him as having a very kind color and if sora says it you know it's true

his relationship with makoto is uhhhh. obsessive. they were really close as kids when they were modelling but lost contact due to I believe izumi changing agencies? something like that. makoto quit modelling and now they're at yumenosaki together and after the events of checkmate (izuleo relationship got really codependent and they were doing Very Bad mentally and leo ended up not coming to school for months bc he was Really Depressed) izumi got even more attached and obsessive over makoto as both a replacement for leo leaving and, to quote the wiki, was depending on him for happiness. also he kidnapped makoto at one point. anyway makoto was obviously Very Uncomfortable with this. over time now izumi is a bit more stable nd leo is back and they're less unhinged he's giving makoto more space and their relationship is less. yeah. but still not perfect like izumi is still a little obsessive.

I'd talk in detail about his relationship with leo but I wrote another whole thing on that so I'll just talk a bit, basically they met in first year became friends and it developed into leo seeing izumi as his muse and izumi relying on this for validation because he is honestly kinda insecure but would never let anyone know that bla bla bla leo left bla bla leo came back and now they're good! izumi still blames himself for leo breaking during the war and leo feels guilty for hurting izumi and izumi still struggles with loving and being loved but he's learning and they're messy but they're trying 💖 me when characters are healing and growing as people... aughgh... love them to death I reread lionheart earlier and was having a category 5 izumi moment he makes me feel unwell...

rn he and leo are living together in florence where they're working on modelling and composing respectively and they come back to japan semi frequently for knights activities

he's also really good friends with naru they also met as kids when modelling and have remained friends she will counter his bitchiness with her own <3 but they do genuinely have a level of understanding of eachother that no one else gets like there's a few scenes in euthanasia that really show it especially at the end where they talk about a shared desire to be adored.. one of my fav scenes in the entirety of enstars I love you euthanasia

izumi was really spoiled as a kid and his parents were really protective over him (only child moment) but because of that they were always the ones deciding things for him and he had very little agency of his own, he says in next door how his parents just wanted an ideal doll like child who's do as he was told, they loved him but they didn't love HIM if that makes any sense.

he's a huge tsundere (they say it about him in canon im allowed to say it too) even to leo who he's closest to like for leos birthday line he says "I just happened to be in the country it's not like i came just for you..." and near the end of main story he says texting leo is annoying because he takes a while to reply and loses his phone and I don't like waiting it's not that I'm worried when he takes long to reply...

also he is canonically a cat person and the official character introduction essentially describes him as cat coded which brings me great joy and he hates the summer... just like me fr.. and more fun facts he plays tennis and can knit!! a girlie of many talents!

anyway I think I will leave it here for now if you want to know more I am ALWAYS happy to talk about izumi.. he's my favorite character of all time and means the world to me

[bicon-crange]

can the nosey ones know abt ur crush? :3c dw if not. my condolences (positive)

yeah sure why not i cant stop fucking talking about it anyways.

iiii dont know if its necessarily a crush though!! definitely an obsession. definitely some kind of. fixation. thanks for your condolences i definitely fucking need them. TT-TT )

its like. uh. this person i know whos sooo articulate and smart and. theyre really sweet. yknow BASIC SHIT. theyre great everyone likes them.

anyways when we first started talking it was like. some kinda. there was clashing. i guess is how you could put it? but every time we finished talking i felt soo like. electrified. like buzzing. like my whole body was just shaking. adrenaline? maybe?

i really thought at first that it was just a friendly interest. some sort of.. y'know intellectual thing! you meet someone whos so much smarter than you and whos ideas are so well put together and who thinks YOU'RE interesting and of course you want to know more of how their brain works of course youre. captivated a bit yknow? thats like. normal. to feel. i think.

oh the first couple times we talked i went so nuts! i reread over our convos like a thousand times and reiterated our talks several times to EVERYONE in my house. its so actually embarrassing. but they were good convos you HAAAVE to understand. it was like. ducking weaving. it was like. some sort of mental exercise . and i thought it was like. normal. but it just kept. HAPPENING. AND HAPPENING. AND HAPPENING.

and i tell you what this was a lot easier a month or so ago when i was like I JUST REALLY LIKE TALKING TO THIS PERSON!! ^_^ (<- STILL A DEFINITE POSSIBILITY) cause ugh. lately its like. ever since the thought popped in my head that this interest MIIIGHT be romantic in nature its. ALLLL DAY thinking about them its so nuts! its so constant!! its literally like a fucking DISEASE... i feel like. angry over it? spiteful? almost? it reminds me of when i had a crush on a guy in elementary school and I didnt know how to handle it so i beat the hell out of him with a lunch box.

like im over here forgetting shit left and right and messing up basic conversation skills and having heart palpitations and theyre like. fine probably. iiii honestly dont think they even think about me lol. i mean definitely not as much as i am,easy, because im totally insane and obsessive i know this.

we also dont talk so much! its not very often! so yeah im sure they dont think about me as much. im even definitely sure if i ever verbalized this it wouldnt work out. ive visualized them turning me down like 20 different ways for 20 different reasons just today. lots of reasons yknow! im mentally unwell and totally nuts, im immature and also very ugly im unable to carry out a meaningful relationship because of my chronic pain problems and various health issues, all of that is fine but my obsessive nature is really freaky,LD relationships are a no-go, they just dont like me that way, ect ect ect.

its sooo stupid. its SO middle school. they type a response to me and i can barely look at the screen. i feel SO fucking stupid its insane. im like. going to claw my eyes out of my head and chew on them till they burst. i hate it here. and its never going to be reciprocated whatsoever so im literally not even going to try.

BESIDES Y'KNOW!! I DONT EVEN KNOW FOR SURE IF THATS WHAT IM FEELING!! its been wracking my brain for a week straight!! its like. am i just fascinated on an intellectual level, am i just interested in an anthropological sense, are these just really good conversations, if this just normal friendship and im making things super weird? am i just excited that someone seems to get what im saying about what im interested in? yknow. dumb.

either way TLDR; im waiting for it to pass. either I'll sort my own feelings out or itll pass! if its infatuation, GOOD, that has a expiration date of 1-2 years so i will just box it up and not think about it and not do anything about it. ^_^ )9 and it WILL die. BUT if you know how to force that process to go along faster let me KNOW.

[rosetherat]

Doodles soo many doodles I’m mentally unwell I’m going to skin myself alive or something but how would you even do that like that doesn’t make sense I mean you could but could you really I don’t believe it I’d have to call a friend for help probably anyway enough about my weekend plans It’s like doodly doodles this time cause im like who’s that composer guy with the wig whoever he was im him but for art im like Jesus one of these days im gonna walk outside and the people will throw stones at me and I’ll go hey don’t do that and walk back inside because im smart and know they would never enter my house without me letting them in because they are polite okay moving on it’s monkey time ladies list your favourite monkey species below I’m being interactive see im interacting with you all isn’t this nice I still don’t know how this app works how do I reply to people when they say stuff about me do I just not or what what’s the social etiquette here still autistic no social skills this place is hell for me that’s why I only come on to post art and then like leave straight away I don’t even have notifs on for this thing I don’t like it it’s too scary okay moving on again did I already talk about monkeys probably is anyone even still reading r my two followers seeing this what’s that song where it’s like and it was all yellow yellows my favourite colour okay maybe pink is my favourite colour yeah yeah I love pink my whole room is pink I look at pink and I go yay! I’m like that hippo from fnaf he’s my number one kin now what’s a kin does rhat mean he’s my kid or what anyway I’m him now I’m a rambler I’m a rambling man I’m CRAZZAY it’s my Uber autism Uber speaking of happy late lesbian day I’m like the ultimate lesbian I’m the final boss probably maybe not I’m like a secret boss that you have to look up where to find me and it’s never worth it anyway can we go back to the doodle go back scroll up and look at it again and think wow what a doodle rat that’s a doodle alright why did I name myself rat why did I do that to myself okay it’s cause people used to call me a rat but I said no no no this is clearly not a being mean thing this is a cute endearing thing like a nickname because rats r cute so I embraced it because social cues don’t exist to me and If I wanna be a rat then dude, get me in a sewer or something let me scuttle around notice how I’m still going that’s called being unmedicated my brain goes faster than the speed of light I’m thinking about a minimum of ten things at the same time rn it sucks if any doctors r around and would like to shorten my waiting list wait so I could be medicated that’d be helpful I’ve been waiting like four years at this point how does it take four years for you to go hey here’s the medication you need like is it that hard wish I was a monkey they don’t get medicated they don’t have the technology for that GET ME OUT KF HEREE anyway bye bye my babas I just realised it’s 4:20 rn and I think that’s funny so I must fall asleep immediately so I fall asleep at the funny number this is the part where u tuck me in and give me a little kiss on the forehead warning I sleep with ten blankets and like three of them r weighted so you will have trouble tucking me in I can’t help it I’m like a little bear I like being warm if I had a cat or something I wouldn’t have to do this I want a cat so bad btw I need a little guy who will curl up on my chest and go meow at me to remind me of who I am WAKE ME UP WAKE ME UP INSIDEEE that’s me if I was emo okay I should wait another thing don’t forget the hot water bottle I sleep with like two hot water bottles you might be thinking how do you not overheat with ten blankets and two hot water bottles and the answer is I’m simply better than you also I’m always cold my body I can’t regulate my temperature it sucks im just so cold. Omg arg refrence the cold guy Ermm did you say guy? PURPLE GUY hor hor hor hor hor I love fnaf this is why I stick to twt they have a short word limit if they didn’t have that I’d be making whole novels this is just white noise omg channel referen

Oh my god I can still type this is like Christmas for me know that I never shut up is anyone still here if you make it through reply with like idk apples and I’ll send u my credit card information just kidding aha! I don’t use those because I’m paranoid the government can track me with them it’s all paper money for me teehee if I was a monkey I’d hope to be a proboscis monkey did you know they regurgitate their food and chew their cud that’s so dreamy majestic even wish I did that sadly I am just a little human lad anyway this time I’m really going im leaving I think Charlie’s ending stream so I have no more reason to be awake enjoy the art in the meantime my eyes hurt I’ve been sick for over a month is that normal I get headaches like every day and my eyes r always dry my nose is like an Olympic runner at this point that thing does not stop and as I am sick I deserve rest and like onion rings oh you don’t even know about the onion rings I’m eating on like an average 20 onion rings a day I can’t stop I can’t even help it it’s my autism taste buds I eat the same thing for like 2 months and then never wanna touch it again for like a year I can’t help it GUINEA PIGS I wish I had one I’d let it lay on my chest and go hello little guy this is why I need a cat that will cuddle with me I need it right now get me one someone assign a cat to me I need it to crawl through my window one day and refuse to leave how would a cat even get through my window they can’t climb that high okay he just ended tbis means I can leave now please look at the art it’s not even art it’s a doodle anyway goodbye

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] i am unwell. mentally ill more like. terminal my body is just failing its breaking down into miserable tiny pieces and pathetic shards you are Right you are just right. that xiao doesn't know how to live. there's almost nothing else to say than whats already said and i think about that a LOT and everyday of how the past had impacted him entirely that people just dont, they Cant understand; not zhongli not the adepti not the humans not even lumine. no one of the centuries he's out there with his own, to the point he's not. centuries out there bathed in blood that wasnt his; screams and anguish that plague his mind like a cruel symphony, a constant reminder of a fault that's never his but he still Did It. its the bitter truth that he did it, and the choice that he picked above all, his OWN choice, is that he deserves the penance until the end of his life even the calamity of dead gods power that he pulled into his body is a punishment he would willingly bear for a destructive redemption no one wants for him. no one except him, because who else would know? who else would decide for him, an act that contradicts what one wants for xiao; freedom, if there will still be else to choose for him? he doesn't know. he doesn't know how to choose. he doesn't know how to be free. he doesn't know how to live.

"people just dont, they Cant understand; not zhongli not the adepti not the humans not even lumine." YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. it hurts so fucking much and i feel like they COULD understand, if he opened up about it, if he ever explained or described it, but i dont think he would. im not sure he could. i definitely dont think he Realizes the massive impact its had on his life down to how he functions day to day and the way he perceives himself, if someone knew Everything and spelled it all out for him itd probably make sense but no one knows !!! i dont think he'd WANT to tell people, i dont think he'd care to talk about it, the past is the past it cant be changed it doesnt matter anymore. and even if he DID somehow talk about it i think his version of the story would be So Skewed Against Himself.

"and the choice that he picked above all, his OWN choice, is that he deserves the penance until the end of his life"

yeah.

anyways!

AND NO ONE ELSE CAN DECIDE FOR HIM IT CONTRADICTS WANTING HIM TO BE FREE.... im goign to expldoe iunto a million pieces this has Ruined me i will never come back from this i will never ever ever be the same ever again. i jsut had to sit here and take such a deep breath and try so hard to come to terms with the fact that He Would Never Tell Anyone he has to learn it himself they have to support him and help him to learn it himself this is something he has to do alone. god. GODDDDDDDDD.

he would though. he'll get there. with zhongli and lumine and the other adepti and the chasm crew He Will Get There he will learn how to live he will learn how to be free i am so certain. it Will happen.

[signedeclipse]

Hii! Can I request a fluffy oneshot of reader (she/her) that has a bad mental health day and does not want to be alone right now/is in need of comfort but they’re struggling with telling Gyutaro that yet he still finds out anyway :c

This is my first ask ever so if I mess it up im sorry! :c You can add any detail you like if I’m too vague! Your writing is amazing either way 🤍

Hooked On Your Love [Gyutaro X Reader]

Reader is Human Female | Fluff

Recomended Song - Addicted To You by Avicii

He really should have guessed that you were unwell, but he was just so comfortable having you around him more often he took it as a good sign.

The way you clung to him a little tighter, invited him to be with you more frequently, how you worried when he'd come back from a mission- all things you did before but now it felt far more personal. Gyutaro figured you just love dhim that much more and let all the signs swoop past him.

Nearly a week of this later, and it seemed your thoughts remained persistant.

At first, you were just stressed from work and having too much on your plate, but then it turned into a few messups, and then you realized not once did Gyutaro ever ask if you were okay or how you were.

You couldnt blame him, he had just as much to do as you did and really, you didnt give him any hints or ask him to. Every chance you got it felt like the words strangled you.

That didn't stop the Upper rank from hearing your sobs on a late night, and rushing to your aid.

It was around 2 in the morning, normally he didnt come back this 'early' but he just wanted to sleep in with you a while longer. It surprised him to notice your lights were still on and you hadn't yet slept, and startled him when he recognized what he thought were whispers to be your tears staining the pillow you clung to.

Gyutaro couldnt help but stare from the doorway, teeth pushing together to form a prominent frown. His chest tightened with anxiety yet he wasnt quite sure how to approach you.

" Gyu...? "

You had spotted him there, eyes wide and doe-like, brimming with tears. His yellow ones snapped ot meet yours, feeling his strong gaze melt away. You looked so tired.

" Yeah, I'm here. " The demon found his way next to you on the bed, pulling your blanket covered form into his lap where he held you bridal-style. His hands pulled the blankets taught so you were secure before pulling you up into his chest.

Your cries picked up, while Gyu could do nothing more than hold you there and allow you to let it all out.

Slowly his free hand moved up to your head, carefully freeing your hair from the blanket and playing with it. He tried to do it the way you did it for him, but he was cautious not to poke you with his sharp nails.

You were stammering throught he tears, trying to explain yourself- but Gyutaro only hushed you and planted a kiss to the top of your head.

" Don't worry about it, i'll take care of you. " He was firm, and confident that he could protect you even from emotions. He would not let you fall any deepe rthan you already had.

Carefully, he pivoted his dangling legs up onto the bed all while leaning back into the pillows. He kept you firm within his grip, laid out against him, and not once did he let go.

He could hear your gentle sigh after squirming about to get comfortable, causing a small smile to form on his lips.

Gyutaro just hoped you'd forgive him for taking so long to notice.

Author Note -  Your request was perfect! Glad to see another anon join me <3 Hope to see you around again! And thank you so much for your kind words!! Please take care of yourself and enjoy <3

Also im sorry this wound up being so short! Kind of my fault for driving myself into the 'fallin asleep after' corner but I hope its still satisfactory <3

Word Count - 543

[ssreeder]

Loved the latest chapter, it hurt so good! and now I'm super worried for Sokka. Hakoda's feelings are fair in the situation, but his immediate betrayal of Sokka's trust was painful. When Sokka inevitably finds out about the Secret Zuko Discussions™ and their eventual decision its gonna mess him up :(((( Can they ever catch a break??? Will we get more private zukka moments with the SWT watching them all the time??? im begging

Ok so first of all… Secret Zuko Discussions is an awesome name & I’m stealing that, thanks.

Secondly.... I have gotten a lot of mixed feelings about Hakoda telling Bato & Gilak about Sokka’s Secret. (Which isn’t even really sokkas secret lol) but we all know all things Zuko are also Sokka so I guess we can let THAT slide….

& yesssss, it was shitty to turn around & break his promise...

......but was it though…? (I may rant a bit under the cut lol)

Ok unpopular opinion & y’all can yell at me if you need to… 

but Hakoda did technically leave his children home with his mother to lead his men into battle. A decision I respect because I see the reasoning, even if I don’t totally support it.... A battle they have all been actively fighting for two years away from home… Hakoda has a responsibility to these men to lead them and protect them… A responsibility he chose when he decided to leave for war.

YES we all love Zuko. Yes we know he won’t hurt Sokka’s people and is actually a good guy deep down… but Hakoda doesn’t know this. All he knows is the small amount of what Sokka & Morrak told him. His job is to protect Sokka and his people, and Zuko being Prince of the Fire Nation, son of Ozai, is a lot for someone to process.

If it were to get out that Hakoda knew who Zuko was & didn’t tell anyone... what would that say about his loyalties? YES should be loyal to Sokka, and yeah it’s shitty he had to break a promise he had no right making, but he is in charge of the safety of a large group of people. & that includes Sokka.

Zuko is a threat, idc that we like him, or that we want to protect him & that he has done so much for Sokka... he is dangerous. & they already know he is a fire bender, so he isn’t really sliding under any radars already lol. 

If Hakoda didn’t keep his leadership in the loop with what was happening he wouldn’t be a good leader to his people. He needs Bato & Gilak to help him keep this situation contained and have his back if this were to blow up in his face. We also need to trust that Hakoda knows what he is doing and trusts these men enough to support him and help him do whats best.

So yeah…. It sucks, but also…. Hakoda is just trying to keep everyone safe until he knows more. 

This does also benefit the boys, because they aren’t LYING to anyone, and Hakoda isn’t a BAD GUY (so he isn’t going to torture Zuko or hurt him in anyway). He is just a father trying to do what’s best for his son and his people.. and sorry Zuko but you’re not one of them. Shit, Hakoda doesn’t even see their RELATIONSHIP he is so turned around with what’s happening. 

(As for Hakoda’s dramatic and irrational thoughts.... *peeks at Sokka* like father like son I guess? He had to get is from SOMEWHERE....)

Sorry to use your ask anon but I thought I’d go ahead & discuss the Secret Zuko Discussions because a lot of people felt that Hakoda betrayed Sokka (which he kind of did…. but also not really) He did 100000% break his promise though sooo.... BAD HAKODA!! You should do what your mentally unwell son tells you to do! JEEZ!

AS FOR PRIVATE ZUKKA MOMENTS???

I don’t think anyone could keep the Blue Spirit & his side kick the (Red Spirit? Is that the name Sokka picked for himself idk lol) from getting some private time together ;)

[yandere-daze]

HI OH MYG GOSH GOOD DAY DAZE!!!! its been awhile since ive last checked on tumblr KSJSN but im on the app rn and yes!! the character limit doesnt apply here sooo.. now that i can type in everything i wanted to say, i hope u dont mind me rambling for a bit!

first of all, tysm for answering the df ask!! ive taken in all of the newfound knowledge + the fact rhat. that. that they have sm potential now that im thinking about them again. they literally pop up in my head in the most random times????? me just minding my business doing hw and then suddenly theres a non-existent voice in my mind just chanting “double face partners in crime” over and over again LMAO

i really enjoy the thought of them having little competitions and a rivalry to win reader over except its just one-sided for kohaku 💀 madara patting him on the back like “sure bud lets do this!” with his signature mama aura. i can just imagine him being like (✿^‿^) and kohaku just giving him the most dead face ever in response while getting a body bag out IM SOBBING THEYRE SO SILLYJDJFHH

ALSO !!!!! STIPPLING !!!! BANGER SONG!! i agree kohaku sounds really good in it like,, his vocals are godly i love him so much </3 i listen to the song while studying a lot!! its really calming and genuinely one of my fav enstars songs huhu (+ i almost fell asleep to it and accidentally dropped my phone on my face AKJSJS)

anyways moving onto the next thing i wanted to talk abt, i recently started twst >:D i wasnt really that interested in it prior stumbling upon ur blog but i recently finished binging on ur enstars stuff and i wanted to read more of ur writing sooo.. i ended up checking ur twst works >_< i was actually p aware that u wrote abt it awhile back when u still had ur old layout but i only ended up checking them out now JSJDN eventually i fell into the rabbit hole of mentally-unwell-pretty-boys-who need-a-therapist and now im stuck and im not sure what i should feel abt it /lh

everytime lilia appears on screen all i can think of is why theres a war criminal here. enstars has a chokehold on me like the first thing i thought when i saw riddle was KASA????? THE HANAE NATSUKIFICATION OF TSUKASA SUOU???

but im enjoying the game so far!! i really wanted to punt ace to the moon at first but now he is my little meow meow. i will put him in a blender (affectionate)

other than that, i hope ur doing well!! make sure to rest up and drink lots of water. have a nice day! ^^

🍡 anon

HEYHEY! Great to hear from you again, 🍡 anon! So it looks like the mystery of anons breaking through the character limit has been solved? I don´t really understand why you´re able to type an unlimited amount in the app but you´re so restricted on desktop. It makes zero sense to me but at least we know now? I´ve almost always sent in asks through the tumblr app so I wasn´t even aware of a character limit until you told me jkflef

And you´re right, they really do have so much potential and I´m so happy you enjoyed my little rambles!! Lmao the grip they have on you is immense, run while you still can! This is only the first step for them to have you all to themselves!!1!

The one-sided rivalry, I´m crying💀 Kohaku is so serious about this too and Madara is just like "yeah you go kid, slay!" And him grabbing a body bag while they´re having this conversation took me out. Like that was just so casual I can´t snflsfbl No but literally I feel so giddy reading and responding to these asks but I always feel so formal because writing a lot makes me want to keep the correct grammar and stuff so i´m worried that i come over as...stiff or something which I definitely don´t want!😭 I´m just a silly little guy happily typing away on my keyboard!

STIPPLING YES! THE BEST SONG OF ALL TIME; CHANGE MY MIND! Kohaku really does sound so lovely in this song, there´s a reason why I put this song in the highest tier when I was ranking all the enstars songs that one time! I even put it as the very first song even though I didn´t really rank them within the tier or anything like that. But the song deserved it <3

Also does anyone else feel like the song is really short when playing enstars music? Or is that just me? I know looking at the actual time of the mv that it´s a normal length of a song but I SWEAR it feels so short when I´m playing it. It´s over so quickly!

And omg you started twst? And you were interested because of my stories?? WAHHH I´m so flattered, really!😭😳 I´m always so giddy whenever someone says that I managed to drag them into one of the two fandoms like...good! *rubs my grubby little hands together as my evil masterplan comes to fruition*

Mentally ill pretty boys is definitely a shared concept between the both games jflsjnlf i hope you´re enjoying your time so far though!

Lilia truly is a war criminal, it´s true! Also funny that you´re saying this about Tsukasa, I actually had the reverse thing kind of happen to me. As you can probably tell from both my old and my new profile pic ( and also my old header picture sfl) I really like Riddle! And I started playing twst before I got introduced to enstars by a friend so when I looked at Tsukasa I definitely went "omg he kind of looks like riddle. YOu guys have the same hair!!". It´s no surprise that both of them have me in a choke-hold now. Do I have a thing for redheads? Maybe so skfslbf

I relate so hard to that Ace thing tho. Like the first time you meet him in the prologue and he mocks you for not knowing the great seven and everything I wanted to punch him! And I mean he kind of still is an asshole but now he´s *our* asshole, you know? He´s definitely grown on me as the story went on!

Man I feel like I´ve written such a long response, I´m sorry jnlf

Also new drinking game : take a shot every time I write "definitely" because I´m noticing a certain tendency here

( Please don´t do this actually )

[saltwatersweetner]

End Me

Eren x Reader

A Prequel of Sorts. Eren never fought for control preferring the security of your hold on him but you could never fully domesticate a wild animal it seemed.

Part 1 Part 3

CW: Manipulation, Toxic Relationship, Attempted Murder, Unhealthy coping mechanisms all in all mildly unsettling themes.

Eren knew how to be good—painfully so. He also knew how to be bad—concerningly so. He was a creature of habit. He did whatever he decided was best for him at the moment and maybe thats what lead you to your current stare down.

“Eren I said move.”

“Fuck what you said.”

Frowning you tried to think what honestly could have brought this mood upon him. It couldn’t have been because you were going out he always understood your random need to socialize. You also can’t remember purposefully setting him off, not in the mood and you weren’t completely cruel to ignore his random—even for him mood change—more in tune to your partners mood swings and emotions than you were to you own.

Carefully reaching out for him you raise an eyebrow when he moves away from your—for now—gentle touch “Are you really upset or just being a brat?”

“Stop talking to me.”

Huffing you choose to ignore his attitude and slip your coat over your shoulders just in time for a knock to be heard from the front door. With Eren on your heels you open the door for your friend.

“Y/N I called but you didn’t answer so I just came up.”

You get a flashback of Eren throwing a tantrum not even 30 minutes ago and launching your device from you 6th floor apartment “Yeah I dropped my phone off the balcony but lets go—Eren be good.”

His glare turns even more deadly when Reiner politely wraps an arm around your shoulders. Closing the door behind you Reiner laughs into the quiet hall “Be good? What is he your dog?”

“Something like that.”

Reiner was a friend an attractive one at that and Eren didn’t like it at all. He hated anyone that was even remotely close to you because you already didn’t like anyone but with Reiner it was different. You let him touch you and hold you.

Eren hated it, he hated it so much—and to make matters worse you didn’t care about his feelings—not one bit.

After a night of bar hopping and watching Bertholdt make a fool of himself in front of Annie, Reiner once again brought you home.

“It was nice seeing you, without your guard dog.” The face he made at the thought of Eren wasn’t a nice one.

“Aw sweetheart don’t be mean.” Reaching up you hold his warm cheek in your slightly chilled hand.

You knew jealousy when you saw it, could detect the slightest change of emotion when it was presented to you. He leans into your hold like a cat seeking out affection—much different than Eren’s wild way of seeking you out.

“Don’t be jealous my dear use your words.”

Reiners face was slowly moving closer to yours and you smirk in amusement. It would seem you had a knack for catching the attention for boys who were looking to be controlled.

“Y/N....”

Your door swings open before Reiner can kiss you and Eren is looking beyond livid. Reiner freezes his fight or flight telling him to run but you keep him steady with your palm.

“Were you waiting for me?”

Eren’s nod is slow and deliberate his eyes still glaring at the nonexistent space between you and the blond.

“Then that ends our time together, goodnight Reiner.” He shivers in what you think is glee from the acknowledgment of the time you spent with him.

“Goodnight.” He doesn’t acknowledge Eren any longer and hurries out to the elevator.

Turning back to the aforementioned boy you make a motion with your wrist “Move.”

When he eventually does get out of your way your hyper aware of the way he sticks to you almost like glue. Throwing your coat over the back of your couch you stretch and lead him to the kitchen.

“You hungry? All I’ve done is drink tonight I could really eat—“

He swings you into the wall by the neck. The alcohol in your system made it incredibly difficult to feel the pain you knew was blossoming up your back so all you could do was stare at the man before you.

You saw the endless sea of madness that unlike you he didn’t bother to cover up. Everyone found the look endearing on him like he never left that childishness behind but you knew the truth.

You could slowly feel yourself starting to suffocate. You didn’t bother panicking because as it had it Eren had all the power right now. If he or you moved the wrong way your neck was as good as snapped.

“Why did you let him touch you?”

Putting a calm hand on his wrist you try and fail to alleviate some of the pressure being forced down on your windpipe “Why. Does. It. Matter.”

Eren was breathing unevenly stuck between fighting his impulses and actually causing some damage “You’re mine you’re—you’re not supposed to—“

“Says. Who?” That makes him let go.

As it would have it you and Eren weren’t dating in any shape or form but he belonged to you. You brought him pleasure that he couldn’t find anywhere else. He was entirely devout to you and you only, all on his own fruition. From the moment he’d accidentally bumped into you and saw through the mask you wore. From the moment he stalked you from the moment he’d shown himself to you begging for salvation.

He wanted to play the game—wanted to be entertained in the morbid way regular people would get sick to their stomachs at—and you let him. You found him amusing enough to keep around but you refused to belong to anyone but yourself.

He was losing the game and fast. As his god you couldn’t be bothered with feeling bad for him.

“Now we can eat or you can sit here and starve whats it gonna be?”

Eren looked terribly unwell like he was about to fold in on himself “u-um eat please.”

You’d never seen him look so unsure before and it made you excited. How would he cry for you next? Would he try to fight more, yell and scream? Or would it be silent and broken?

Flicking your wrist you busy yourself in the kitchen “Good choice, go sit.”

He does as he’s told mumbling words to himself along the way. Was it cruel? Maybe. But you couldn’t be bothered considering how much of a thorn in your side he’d been all day.

You wanted to break him more and till he was nothing but crushed up stars slipping away in the wind. You almost felt bad for how much you were going to ruin him.

But he was your property after all to do with what you wanted. No one could stop you even if they tried. Especially because he let you and thats what made keeping him around so worth it.

You didn’t have the capability of feeling anything close to love no matter how fond of the boy you actually were. So you settled with ownership—they were damn near synonymous anyways.

So you proceeded as normal—well as normal as you are. You order the food you feed him and you move on to wash the dishes. He’d eventually get out of his feelings because he didn’t have the mental capacity to dwell on certain emotions for too long. It was all but routine now.

“Eren bring me whatever dishes you left lying around.”

“...ok.”

Filling the sink with a mixture of water soap and a drop of bleach you wait patiently for the boy to bring what you requested. Turning off the tap You almost get impatient when it seemed like he was taking forever.

“Eren—“ you’re grabbed by the back of the head and shoved face first into the sudsy water.

You try with all your strength to get your head out of the sink but Eren just doesn’t stop. He’d never...hurt you before? Never acted out in this manner it startled you maybe.

And you were slowly but surely drowning.

When he finally does let you up you drop to the floor taking in large gulps of air. Your eyes stung from the mix of bleach and soapy water and you were suddenly freezing.

“Dont,” you look up to eren to see he once again wore that livid expression.

“Dont you ever think about leaving me do you understand?” His breathing was already heavy but now it was slowly turning into hyperventilation. “I’ll kill you I’ll fucking kill you if you ever l-leave me.”

You watched him begin to sob, dropping on his knees he crowded closer to you looking every bit of the victim he made himself.

“Im sorry I’m good I’ll be good I swear!” He tries to touch you but you smack his hands away making him sob harder.

You knew Eren you knew him. His inclination of violence had never been towards you and yet?

“Hit me hit me hit me im sorry please im good I promise.”

Those were the only words that made sense to you in the moment. You were a violent creature by nature one who prioritized your own life before anyone else’s, you’ve never done anything you didnt doubt you’d be able to get out of and yet? Eren had surprised you and not in a good way.

Your eyes come back into focus and you see the pitiful look he wore as if he hadn’t just almost killed you “Hit me please?”

And so you do.

You punch him right in the face with all your strength causing him to fly back against the tiles and you don’t stop there. You let out all the frustration from your near death experience out onto his body completely aware of the blissed out smile he now sported.

Regardless your mind was going 1 million miles per hour as one thing became clear. Eren was slipping out of your control and fast. One day you feared he’d be the one in control and that wasn’t a game you wanted to play.

You’re in control.

You were IN control

You not him.

You.

You freeze. Fist inches from his face.

It was like your body was in forced reboot you couldn’t move your thoughts finally spiraled too far and too fast for you to reach.

You weren’t in control?

Starring at the needy expression on his face you came to the horrific realization that maybe you’d been playing in his hands all this time. He’d been able to get anything he ever wanted out of you—he knew it too.

Did you really—no you couldn’t be right?

“I’m good see?”

Wrong—you were in so fucking deep.

Slowing your breathing you lower your once trembling fist “Get. Out.”

“Huh?”

Climbing off his chest you wipe the remaining water off your face “Get the fuck out I dont wanna see you.”

Eren hadn’t expected this outcome considering how hurt he looked “B-but where am I supposed to go?”

It was a stupid question you both knew he had his own dorm to himself but he’d been so used to sleeping with you every night that he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

Rolling your eyes you til your head “I dont care.”

“I cant sleep without you.”

“Cry about it.”

Hauling his shocked form up and out of your home you slam the door shut and immediately turn all three locks ignoring his soft cries from the other side.

Pulling at your wet shirt you could feel the breakdown coming. How did he do it? How’d he make your carefully crafted control snap?

Going into your room you lock that door as well before snatching the throw blanket from the end of your bed and a pillow. Going into your walk-in closet you close the door behind you and navigate in the dark to the farthest corner and sit.

You sit and sit and sit and sit and sit...and then you scream.

You scream until your lungs are raw and your voice is gone and you’re not sure when exactly you started scratching at your face but the stinging thats left behind is brutal.

You needed to think.

You needed a plan.

You needed—fuck you didnt know.

But you did know Eren was about to become a much bigger problem.

[a-flickering-soul]

do kylux for the ask meme 😳 you + me = mental illness

i love you so much for sending this in this truly is the mortifying ordeal of being known

putting this under a readmore because it is LITCHERALLY 1.2k words because i am literally clawing at the walls of my enclosure about these two

ANYWAYS go ahead and send me a character and i’ll give you some headcanons bc im having fun doing these!!!

Kylo Ren

Sexuality Headcanon: ambiguously queer. Don’t make me think about him having sex he makes me so angry

Gender Headcanon: he Must be a cis man. He has so much mommy issues. He is such an incel. He is so full of toxic masculinity. He must be a cis man.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux. Every single angle you take this ship from it’s funny and good. Canon—they hate each other and want each other dead. AU—they still hate each other but they’re (probably) less fascist and genocidal. It’s just so funny. They are so obsessed with each other. They gaslight each other into love confessions. It’s unreal. I’ve been thinking about Kylux for the past month and I feel like an entire geological age has passed. You can tell I’m a Kylux shipper and a R*ylo anti because I almost exclusively refer to him as Ren instead of Kylo. The gay angel went to superhell for Kylux to go canon in Lego Star Wars (twice) and a kids’ comic book. God mocks me to my face.

A BROTP I have with said character: This got literally shot to shit but post-TFA when a bunch of people headcanoned Rey as Luke’s kid and she and Ren were cousins and he reluctantly babysat her because he was literally ten years older than her (hhhhh.) and they had this weird mildly-contentious relationship as adults where they grudgingly acknowledge they are both the most powerful Force users in the galaxy and are the only ones who mutually understand the legacy they bear and care about each other but also cannot be in the same room together and hold a civil conversation for more than five minutes before resorting to uncomfortable silence. Like when you’re at a family reunion and you’re automatically shunted with the only other kid around your age so you have to make conversation but you are just so fundamentally different there’s nothing to talk about. Unreal.

A NOTP I have with said character: Hhh. R*ylo. I’m one of those evil lesbians who hate that ship viciously and one of my dreams is to be one of the mean antis that that bully a shipper in a story that’s clearly exaggerated or made up and then get cancelled for having good taste.

A random headcanon:  I think he and Phasma used to spar a lot. I keep thinking about the five years he spent on the Finalizer pre-canon and I can’t reasonably justify the Knights of Ren hanging out with him for the entire time on a literal military ship and I like the idea of them being the only people that are reasonably on par physically (I also like how Phasma is an inch taller than him because....whew).

General Opinion over said character: God. He drives me wild. I have a lot of thoughts about him and how good he was in TFA and the pre-canon comics/novels as a really fucking good example of a morally-conflicted villain (especially the comics where it made it really clear that he was very much manipulated and gaslit since like…ten years old). Like! The way he could flip at will from drawing strength from both the light AND dark side of the Force is just!! So cool! The way his strength literally derives from moral conflict is just really interesting to me but….idk the way post-TFA he was thrown into a redemption (Rendemption) arc that hinged on Rey being a literal genuine fascist sympathizer made me just really disappointed. He had a lot of amazing potential to be either a really interesting semi-redeemed Byronic antihero OR a full on unhinged animalistic power-mad villain that Rey has to mercy-kill like a rabid dog. And then. Well. Yeah. I like him a lot in very specific contexts and flat out hate him in most others.

 Armitage Hux

Sexuality Headcanon: gay! He is gay! I have an entire list of reasons why he’s gay and it grows daily! Without a doubt a homosexual! Gay and repressed!

Gender Headcanon: Also a cis guy even though I still do have a lot of half-formed thoughts about gender in the First Order/post-collapse of the Empire society.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux! Again! I’m obsessed with how obsessed Hux is with Ren. He hates him so much it’s unreal. I keep reading the novelizations and thinking so fucking hard about how consumed Hux is with hatred for this one man. He’s so repressed. He’s so damaged. It’s unreal. The brainworms in my head have metamorphosed into moths and they’re flapping their wings so hard they’re disintegrating my grey matter. I think near-daily about how he personally went down to retrieve Ren from the collapse of Starkiller Base and yet would not touch him to drag him to shelter in the Hux graphic novel. Would you take off your glove to check his pulse or would you attempt to feel it through the leather and touch something’s dead skin rather than his living warmth. I’m so deeply unwell.

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Phasma!!! The way they are on first-name terms with each other….the way one of the few times in the graphic novels you see him smile is when Phasma comes back onto the base…..the way they plotted to kill Brendol together….truly evil mlm/wlw solidarity you simply love to see it

A NOTP I have with said character: Oof I see a lil bit of shipping him with Resistance members (I think I’ve seen him with Rose and also Poe??) and I know TROS made the decision to have him defect from the First Order (out of. again. his obsessive hatred with another man. writing choices.) but it makes me INSANELY uncomfortable seeing people of color being shipped with a literal fascist parody of British colonialism and imperialism lmao like….just ship Kylux bro they’re mutually bad people AND a power couple

A random headcanon: Frankly at this point I joke so much about how much like a sick Victorian orphan he looks like that I could write an entire fake medical file for him but I’ll spare you all and simply say that I am incredibly partial to the headcanon that Hux is a freak that bites string cheese instead of peeling it like a normal person. Also…the implications that he Personally placed the tracker in Ren’s belt rather than someone else, so that he alone could keep tabs on him…..I’m unwell. Enough.

General Opinion over said character: If Ren is a character I love to hate, Hux is a character I hate that I love. I just. I can’t stop thinking about this gay little war criminal. It truly, genuinely baffles the mind how much information there is about him. It triggers that same little part of my brain that goes wild over like. ARGs and stuff. There’s just so much lore. With every new piece of canon or semi-canon information I learn about him I can feel my grip on sanity slipping. He owns a black robe. He has a personal hitman in the First Order ranks to poison people he doesn’t like. He drinks tea. He’s a bastard son. He’s great with kids. He was in charge of a squad of feral orphan child soldiers at five years old. I just. I just don’t get it. I’m enamored with him. His compulsive attention to grooming. His hubris. His ambition. How literally unhinged he is (the “rabid cur” line genuinely lives in my head rent free). The way he systemically killed every single person who saw him weak and abused as a child. There’s just so much to talk about with him. He’s so evil. He’s so fucked up. I love him so deeply. He is such a horrible person and he is so fun to make fun of and he is so fun to think about. God wants there to be a bullet in my head so badly.

[borealopelta]

Starting off well in ep 9 with Lady Jane and the stark contrast of the high society of London and their faith and optimism and the cold dead empty desert that is the Arctic, the brutality of their life up there once again so horribly omnipresent especially in this episode

Mr Crozier is really throwing out speeches left and right like it’s nothing… let them be warm as they go…hit me hard the first time and hits even harder now. He’s such a good guy by the end

Mr Gibson and Mr Goodsir in the tent and how Mr Goodsir has lost all his good will…one might say he became… Mr Badsir as he tells Mr Gibson how he’ll suffer with such resignation. It’s so upsetting to see, but not as bad as Mr Hickey as he [redacted] his boyf…but at least he was gentle with him. Poor Mr Goodsir has to do things he never imagined in his worst nightmares…oh how the turns have tabled…”Don’t you also want to live?” No. Had he survived this would’ve made for an excellent villain origin story

And then…and Then…Mr Gender looks so dead, like a soggy rag doll that’s been in a trash compactor and it hurts to see him like this, so broken, so sick, so desperate to be of use even as he’s dying Christ Almighty this is the worst scene, I love it (I shan’t say any more about this because it hurts too much)

“I’m not losing two friends in one day” Mr Francis Sir you used to hate one of them not that long time ago, but. The despair in his face, he knows how hopeless and doomed the situation they’re in is yet they’re laughing in the face of death quite literally…this is fine <3

Mr Blanky finding the thing they were looking for all these years and not even getting a chance to tell anyone…what a tragedy, though I’m glad to see anyone seem genuinely happy at this point

The difference in their reactions to their newfound source of nutrition in camp Hickey is so interesting to see, as revolting as it is, it makes me want to watch this scene over and over again. And Lt Hodgson’s confessional to Mr Goodsir hit me right in the religious trauma. I can’t believe I missed that so hard the first time round

“Go be with your brother now” and “You and the others will live” I’m going Insane, the things they say hurt so much looking at the big picture

And another beautiful final shot with Mr Blanky and his forks. He seems so unfazed by their entire situation even as he’s staring into the face of death, we love to see it

This was another long one, but there’s just one episode left so bear with me as I prepare to have my heart broken entirely

Oh the cut from lady jane to uhhh was it hoar??? anyway the bitten in half head is always on my mind it's so good when i saw it for the first time i was literally like :0!!!!!

Let them be warm as they go is. You know. Activates the mental illness. Also you know you are talking to thee cardinal "had a panic attack about the death fitzdeath scene" sin so Preaching To The Choir and all that it fucking SUCKS and i keep skipping it on my rewatches like No Thank You i do not have the time nor mental capacity for a forty minute breakdown <3 and then,,,you know how in all his life james wanted to be Seen like properly with a capital S and then Francis gave him that and told the men to,,,,make him invisible,,,, coming casually undone at the seams <3

Mr Badsir is having a bad time and also he was like,,, abducted so it makes sense that he doesn't have sympathy for the mutineers (who also made it so silna aka the only sensible person around aka Goodsir's wcw had to go) but it does hurt bc i do love Billy Gibson™ and like,,,Hickey,,,,i wish to kick him in the head <3 it was a super duper cruel death and i need two minutes to be Ill about Billy.

The I'm not losing two friends in a day thing,,,the "jesus christ thomas" when blanky shows him the legg and then he's literally Crying and has to Walk Away because he's having a sexy little breakdown about it,,,once again the acting choices,,,, because that's his best friend and he knows Blanky will die either way so of course he'll say yes in the end but the if you have to sit on a boat I'll put you there myself... he can't imagine losing blanky and gets so angry at even the Thought of It and it says a lot about their friendship that blanky gets him to agree to this suicide mission and then manages to cheer up and comfort francis. Oh it's just that i know you speech we're really in it now. That's his best friend!!!!

Hodgson in ep9 is one of my favourite character storylines. His sitting apart with his china. The confessional. That he's only here because he got lost and stumbled upon Hickey's camp by accident,,,he could have been spared this. [Pulls out my I Love Lt George Hodgson Club Membership Card] he deserved better and i should be able to give him a hug.

And listen. Sometimes i get the tommy hartnell feels and watch the second half of ep 9 for that scene alone. Crozier really takes tom under his wings from ep 7 onward and it's so special and im just dhcbchbfjxnxkdhfkdjd i am Unwell. the go be with your brother line makes me want to Die as well as Tommy's little face,,,,he gets shot because he calls out to his FRIEND who is perhaps the most under hickeys influence and he's looking out for him and,,,god he must be in so much pain,,,hes just a BOY!!! i am infinitely emotional about tart and jart and this is Not Helping.

And yeah Blanky...i'm actually super fond of his last scenes? He gets a beautiful ending bit with finding the passage and smoking his pipe with that manic smile because he did it. He just sits there.....the amount of thomases is getting confusing but i AM balls deep in love with mr thomas blanky. and his forks. and his one (1) amc approved swear. thomas blanky says fuck

[harrieatthemet]

Signature

in which your sister gets engaged and Harry needs the sheet of paper. 

im baaaaaaaack!

He’s absolutely green with envy.

Riddled, consumed, and enveloped by jealousy. If he wasn’t so good at putting on a show, surely someone would’ve picked up on it by now. But he is; he’s made a career out of it, after all.

His eyes linger modestly on your sister as she sits vertical from him at the table. And he smiles as she gushes about her news, trying his hardest to match her excitement as he cracks a smile.

“It’s beautiful,” you coo, your grin almost as wide as your sisters, “let me see it again.”

Harry stares with adorn as your sister extends her hand across the table, placing her palm to rest in yours for the third time.

Platinum silver. He prefers rose gold but he sees how content your sister is, and decides to compliment her on her fiancées choice in color. He can’t tell quite how many carats it is; 2, maybe 3? Not that it matters. Modest, he thinks, but again it’s his own preference. He likes to be dramatic, but that’s his preference.

He knows asking will only fuel the jealousy even more, but he can’t help but give into curiosity.

He directs his attention to your sisters fiancée, “how did you propose?”

Without even so much as glancing at your sister, he can see from the corner of his eyes the way her eyes light up; almost like she had been waiting all night for someone to ask that very question. Your expression doesn’t lack enthusiasm either, with wide eyes and a child-like grin.

The two of you both sit and listen, your sister fiddling with the new diamond sitting comfortably on her ring finger.

Harry zoned out around the first couple of sentences. And it’s not because he isn’t happy for your younger sister; he’s over the moon. She’s as good as family, if not better, to him. Seeing her happy and engaged makes him feel good, at least, it should.

“M’happy for yeh kiddo,” and Harry means it sincerely, “gonna make a brilliant bride.”

His comment is genuine, even though as he makes it he knows you’d be twice as beautiful in an all white gown. And though the engagement story, for the small amount he was mentally tuned into, was nice he knows he’d propose to you far more creatively.

The mere thought of if makes his throat go all dry, in the best kind of way of course. Butterflies flutter subtly inside his stomach. The lighting in the kitchen is dim enough so no one can ask him why his cheeks haven’t gone a bit pink.

He’s so meticulous, so he knows his proposal would be so well planned. It would play out so nicely; romantic for sure. Private as well, not that it would matter; he’s sure that the occasion, even the gesture itself, would be so intimate it would feel like you and him were the only two people in the world.

“Your next.” 

He feels your sister’s voice almost before he hears it. And his neck cranes back from their brief hug goodbye so she could see the expression on his face; puzzled. 

“M’sorry?”

“You’re next.” the second time she says it is more giddy, her hand subtly raised so she can wiggle. her ring finger before you catch her. 

And even minutes later, as he trails behind you through the front door of the house, he’s still got the image of a sparkly engagement ring ingrained in his head. 

Your hands put the keys in the dish, then they’re twirling the stray piece of hair hanging from your bun. With knitted brows, he watches your hands, your barren ring finger in specific, and imagines a blinding diamond. He imagines how you’d react when he asked; would you cry? Hopefully not, if you cry he will too. 

“Too much wine?”, Your voice is even more melodic in real time than it is inside in his head.

He can peek just over his shoulder in order to get a clear shot of you, nestled comfortably into the sitting room couch. Your shoes are plopped down just at the bottom of the couch, while your feet end up finding relief atop the coffee table he’d just shelled out thousands on. Usually he’d hiss at you, swat your heels off because hello, smudges! But it’s an argument he’s willing to retire for right now; he’s divulged in half a bottle of red and his daydreams have him feeling as though he could walk on water. 

A pat on the open seat beside you is more than enough to lure him from the opposing end of the room, bringing with him that dorky smile. He also makes time to toe off his shoes, sprawling out his body along the couch so his head falls into your lap. 

“Had a nice night,” he sighs contently, letting out the words all in one breath, “never seen y’sister smile f’so long.” 

He lets out another small puff of air, his eyes fluttering closed as he succumbs to bliss. You know he loves this; loves when you run a couple fingers through the tousled pieces of hair at the front of his head. He’e fell asleep right here, in the middle of the living room, if he didn’t have plans to initiate a marital conversation.

“Mmm,” you hum, “me neither, s’good for her. Good for them.” 

“Innit?” and now he’s ready to lead this conversation where he’s been wanting to, “was a bit of a surprise, though, yeah?” 

“A surprise?,” you reiterate, and he modestly looks up at you as a way of agreeing, “Not really, no. It surprised you?” 

“I mean,” he hesitates, “it did a bit, yeah.” 

There’s a brief pause amidst the conversation. You haven’t got a clue as to what he’s eating away at him. Clearly something is; it’s blatantly clear in the way his eyes are cautiously peeking up at you before randomly roaming about the room. And each time he opens his mouth to continue speaking, he promptly shuts it before allowing anything to come out. 

“Gonna tell me why?” and that’s all it takes for him to start blabbing. 

“I just,” he exhales, “dunno, always thought we’d be engaged before her. Hell, thought we’d be married before her.”  

A quick pause from you is enough to send his heart race inside his chest. His eyes are glued to you, blinking barely as he watches you gaze down at your hands tangled in a few strands of his hair. But you shrug. There’s a calm laugh coming from you, too, and he’s not sure whether to be relieved or put off by it. 

“It isn’t a race, you know.” you remind him.

“I know,” he agrees, “I know.” 

“Besides,” you sigh, letting your hand retreat as you ward off sleep, “never really saw us as the marrying type, anyways. 

A once steady breathing pattern has become irrationally ragged as he sits upright, eyes wide as he somehow has rid himself of a wine haze and a bit of a sleep fog. naturally, his eyebrows weave together in curiosity as he tries to play back what you just said to him. 

He doesn’t have enough thinking space to process you’re bewildered reaction. And he doesn’t have enough thinking space to understand what it was that got you to say that. How did this not come up sooner? How did he not know? How were the two of you not. on the same page. 

“Not th’marrying type?” he repeats your comment slowly, word for word. 

As much as he wishes he wasn’t, the longer he stares at you the more anger seems to bubble. The nod of your head as he repeated it made him want to physically crawl out of his skin and disappear. You seem so unbothered. 

“Tell me, than,” and his voice has become more condescending, “what exactly do you ‘see’ us as?”

“Are you mad?” your tone is much smaller now upon getting a look at the grim expression on his face; 

“G’on ‘n answer me.” 

“I don’t know,” you shrug, “comfortable?” 

He sits for a minute longer, clearly a prisoner to his own thoughts. For a couple more minutes, it’s just silent. The dishwasher in the next room is the only thing making noise, until that stops and it’s radio silent in the sitting room. 

Comfortable. Comfortable. It could really mean anything. And in any other context, he’s sure that you being comfortable with him was a flattering compliment; one he could enjoy. But not right now, because all it’s doing is sitting uneasy in the pit of his stomach. 

So he gets up. He decides that the longer he sits, the more unwell he starts to feel. And he’s assuming you’ll be respectful enough to give him a moment of peace; that’s the impression he’s under as he wanders out of the sitting room and turns for the kitchen. But of course, the padding of feet on hardwood is enough of an inkling to tell him he’s got company following on the heels of his feet. 

“Well I’m not a mind reader,” you snap, “so if you’re feeling some kind of way right now, it’s best that you grow up and tell me.” 

It’s calm for a moment; eerily calm. It’s the kind of stillness that occurs before a storm. It’s a warning of something somber and treacherous; you could say the same for the expression on his face once he turns to look at you. 

“Bold of yeh t’decided we just aren’t th’marrying type,” he barks, “don’t quite remembering agreeing t’tha’.” 

You’re a bit taken aback, because you hadn’t necessarily realized just how cross he really was. He’s practically seething and, although a bit alcohol may be at a fault, you’re sure that 95% of this is all Harry. 

“I didn’t decide that,” you rebuke, “I just assumed it!”

“S’one hell of an assumption, than.” he snaps, and you roll your eyes. 

“S’been fucking years,” you jeer, “if we wanted to be married we would’ve done it by now.” 

He’s not entirely sure if you know just how low of a jab that was. If he wasn’t riding an anger high right now, he would be sure that you were unaware of it. But he’s decided that you do understand, and it only seems to make things worse. It only makes things more tense. 

“Y’right, yeah?” he laughs, but it’s bitter, “ ‘Cos my career is nonexistent, right? M’never busy?” 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

He knows. At least, he thinks he knows. But it doesn’t matter. He’s angry and proving his point is the only thing he has the urge to do right now. 

“It’s a stupid piece of paper with our signature!” you argue, “It’s a sheet of fucking paper that we don’t need!”

“Maybe I need it,” he retorts, “maybe I do need the stupid sheet of paper!” 

“Oh, no, you don’t,” you shout, “you absolutely don’t, and you’re only saying you do to piss me off!” 

“Can’t build a home with comfortable,” he rebuttals, “can’t have a family with comfortable.” 

The words settle with you differently than he had intended them to. It’s almost as though you can feel your stomach flip a bit. It’s like your heart dropped to your stomach, demeanor softening a bit because as the words that just previously flew so freely from Harry’s mouth have no left you with a heartache and an overwhelming sense of disappointment. 

“So I’ll go,” you breath, “I’ll go, than.”