#anyway. i hate talking abt my issues
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someone should buy me smth so fucking nice for this
#get sad spend money wooo#anyway. i hate talking abt my issues#says bitch at therapy appointment having to explain my medical and mental health history#this isnt even abt anything im just talking rn#vent#this is. fine#i am Fineeee#being sooooo pathetic abt this tho. just btw
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Hellooo silly tumblr people on my browser!!! I’ve decided to kind of avoid posting about murder drones stuff, and talk about it less frequently as it doesn’t interest me as much as it did, or at least until I’m able to get some new insight on episodes or teasers (which I may come back for). I’m really figuring out what I like and figuring out what I actually love drawing besides robots!! (Though I do LOVE robots they are wonderful creatures to me, just not drawing them 24/7) Who knows, maybe I’ll start talking about murder drones out of the blue, but I think it’s good to take a break from something every once in a while! I like finding out what I enjoy most :-)
#TLDR; the queer cephalopods took away my big kooky robot fandom interest .I’m a moth breaking out from its cocoon if u will#This is a bonus pack and also comes with an AWESOME layout change .brb /silly#Also this does NOT in ANY way. Prevent you from talking to about it with me!! I don’t mind it at all!!#Wrenbles#And lest I mention it’s kind of about the fandom itself😭 like artists are awesome in fact i love my mutuals cool art abt Md!!!#(Not excluding the thousands of other wonderful artists that inspire me like REALLY inspire me so thank you for that)#There’s always problems and frankly I’d enjoy to just NOT participate or pay attention to it cause it’s like almost everyday there’s issues#Maybe just glitch stuff in general cause I sort of came to a disliking on tadc a bit too . Though I have favoritism towards Pomni sooo. Erm#anyways I don’t HATE murder drones and I’m not leaving because hell knows I’m coming back once I can feast on something Md related again😭😭#I’ll just be avoiding/posting less about it. You’re free to talk to me about it if you want. I can’t stop you!! But it’s not my thing rn :]#AND IM SORRY THIS IS SO LONG💔💔IVE WANTED TO POST THIS FOR A WHILE
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[ID: A tweet thread that reads:
bigolas dickolas wolfwood @/MaskOfBun: love when people into my replies ask me "i want to get into trigun where do i start?" like dude idk. the bible.
el @/eucchabe: start with therapy that's where you'll end up anyway. End ID]
Haven't seen anyone post my favorite reply to this tweet yet so
#i hate making original posts and am terrified of this gaining notes and me getting stolen valor from it#but 'that's where you'll end up anyway' keeps knocking around in my head#was reminded of this by that last post abt trigun christianity references and had to go through my recents to find it gkdkgkkg#question: has anyone else been experiencing an issue with both tumblr dms and original posts#where it won't show you the full contents of your gallery?#i couldn't even retrieve this from the suddenly-disappeared screenshots folder#i had to send it to myself and copy paste on pc#kay talks#my posts#described#described by me#trigun
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yknow i noticed the small steps method doesn't help me and only stresses me out more. and like i just get stuck on the first step anyway and never move on to the next one, i'll probably even go back to the start eventually really. i'm apparently an all or nothing guy i can't think of an action as multiple actions bc it stresses me out i just need to either do it or not. the problem is i usually end up not
#i talked to my social worker abt this today#bc like he said that in order to have an easier time going outside i need to do it often enough to get used to it#but for me it's like. i go outside when i need to. yknow?#(days where my anxiety is painfully debilitating don't count lol)#i'm gonna be uncomfortable anyway. bc being outside is inherently unpleasant for me. it's not smth i can get used to#i compared this to going to the dentist. you do it bc you have to but you won't go just to get used to it yknow?#so my thought process is. i'm gonna have to start going outside every day soon for the art program. so i'm just gonna do it#i took a bus one time with my mentor/guide(??) to see that i can do it and i did. so i broke the barrier kinda#but it's not like i'm just gonna take the bus for fun?? i'll get used to it as i do it. i think. like i was before. hopefully#idk it feels pretty obvious to me but it baffled him i think 😭#both of them offered to just go downstairs with me. sit at the lobby of my building or smth#but it feels silly to me like. if i'm getting dressed i may as well go do smth yknow??#idk. again it makes a lot of sense to me but i don't think they get it#i think i'm generally very odd when it comes to other ppl in this recovery program 😭😭 just like i was in that social anxiety support group#(aka everyone went there for stage fright which isn't an issue for me i like being on a stage. hate one on one conversations tho -#- which was comfortable for them. so this was. well. the first step!!! in a lot of its sessions. and it just made me feel bad)#anyway that was my ramble. sorry. my brain is weird
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skitters around like a beast. Hii ❤️ok im going 2 go ramble in the tags now👍
#are there any cane user jou enjoyers around !!#getting struck by lightning and then almost burned alive by a god all in One tournaments finals is kindof a lot .so I think itd be nice for#him 2 have one ^-^#ok more artists notes .standard poking fun at kaiba .he hates when his hair is too long (sensory issue) but he hates the hairdressers even#more (worlds most sensitive scalp. And touch issues with strangers. aka now im just talking abt me here)#solution: mokuba cuts his hair. this has taken many Many years of trial and error (see: the green hair era)#and lastly bakura ! he makes me want to gnaw on wood. i actually really liked how this doodle turned out tho I might turn it into a full#piece hmmm#also I thought it was so funny how they censored his move spelling out death by changing it to final .girl that sucks 💀#go play wordle find a better 5 letter word .not that I can think of a better one off the top of my head tho……#i mean he is already using a whole ouija board at this point is it even worth trying to censor#BUT YEA anyways. I need to draw more gx and 5ds stuff#honestly. I would not mind at all if ppl sent in requests so I could practice drawing diff characters#no promise ill actually get to them tho T-T sorry .my willpower is very fickle#vani art :]#kat post#jounouchi katsuya#joey wheeler#seto kaiba#bakura#ryou bakura#yami bakura#ygo#yugioh#yugioh fanart
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simon peter is the funniest apostle to work with because in theory he's the most loyal, most by-the-book of the apostles so you'd expect him to be the most logical and collected one but 80% of his concerns (pre crucifixion then everything went downhill and they all died) are that he has a crush on every person he encounters
#🧅#im not religious just insane.jpg#true poly disaster. funniest shit ever.#cause yknow simon p's a fisherman he's married he's a very poster family man#and he loves his wife he really does. im not gonna make the only guy who's married fucking Hate his wife and want to like. go have gay sex#instead cause mlm good mlw bad. but he does have his. Issues. concerning how he views women#he's gonna work on that though i'm not leaving him like that don't worry. peter already knew the torah by heart probably for peter turning#to god meant learning how to respect women. and yknow people he considered 'ungodly' in general. to respect humanity as he respects god.#tee hee i love this arc. i love all of them but i dont ever rlly talk abt this one.#but anyways yes he does love his wife.#then some strange guy shows up while he's fishing and he's like follow me son of jonah i will make you a Fisher Of Men. and peter's like#TEE HEE OKAY JESUS i will come fish men with you.#which......okay....simon....... interesting that u wanted to do that..... with zero context....#and then cue weird thing with magdalene. which. they don't end up together by Any Means.#they hate each other. they have not spoken in a civil manner once. but they do have a weird bond between them than only aromantic people#can understand.#WHICH BTW i already knew there's a thin line between polyamory and aromanticism. but it really showed when while trying to#explore how peter experiences polyromanticism i found myself projecting a lot of my own aromanticism on him#(is polyromantic a correct term? i'm not sure these terms really confuse me especially considering the time period cause like. polyamorous#describes a relationship with multiple people which peter obviously wasn't in in 30 AD. but he Did have romantic feelings for multiple#people so is that polyromanticism? or is that a completely different term? idk. bare with me.)#very interesting. anyways yeah there's that. magdalene is aro also to me. so yeah this is one of the most fun dymanics i have in this lore#cause like. polyromantic person and aromantic person somehow having the same mutual not platonic not romantic but a secret third thing#connection with each other. i love thinking about them
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The amount of times this jackass negs her is off the charts. Like this isn't even the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. I remember being okay with this ship when I first played T&T, but I can tell you with certainty I fucking hate it now.
#he's also way more fucking sexist than i remember. she even calls him on it MULTIPLE times#but it's not even this case#the language he uses to refer to women & how he treats them vs men is stark in 3-2 & 3-3#like in 3-2 he says ''a man's word is everything'' and then in the SAME SCENE says that Desirèe is a liar#who can't be trusted bc she's covering for her husband. so men should be taken at their word but women shouldn't? ok#there are more examples too i can't think of rn. i know he calls Maya ''chick'' at one point#god. i used to like him when i was younger. but now i'm older i definitely do not#i've seen some defenders say ''it's only the localization!'' but that's an irrelevant argument#the localization is the version we have and are discussing. we aren't talking abt the JP ver. it doesn't matter.#''well but Edgeworth calls Mia a bimbo / Apollo calls Athena tiger!''#that was shitty of Edgeworth and it was ONE time he was sexist in his era of shitty evidence forging vK behavior#and Apollo was never negging Athena + the nickname isn't the issue the patronizing is#(and tiger is WAY less patronizing than kitten be fr)#''you just hate him bc you're racist!!'' no i hate him bc he's a sexist asshole. and i hate you for implying that being a sexist asshole#is a trait inherent to hispanic people. my hispanic ass doesn't appreciate that you dickweed.#anyway. this dude sucks. tempted to replay 3-2 and 3-3 (ugh) again just to get a misogyny compilation#but idk if i'll have time before the AAI collection releases#(i want to finish this replay of T&T before then)
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🐑
#im so upset that he decided that i did smt wrong again#and then just pulls away and stops talking to me#he's done that several times and its so frustratinf#g*#bc hes the most important person to me hes my fav#but he doesnt care abt meeeee lol he wants to talk to others but not me#anyways so yeah#this entire month.... we have exchanged like 4 messages#bc he didnt like smth on my blog then unfollowed me and now isnt replying :D#and i feel so lonely#yes i talk to others#the issue is .. im fucked up yes but he is the only one im like obssessed with#his messages makes my heart race#otherwise i just feel dead#but the entirety of may.. nada#and june is one year ago since we had out intense couple of months#that i miss bc when he gave me that and showed me my dream#i feel like im dying now when i cant have it anymore bc he stopped liking me#i just hate how he isnt talking to me#bc he is RUINING my mood#all i cant think abt is him and when it is bad between us i feel depressed af all day for weeks#he isnt healthy for me bc i need open and direct communication#and he doesnt give me any of that#i knoooow that he isnt right for me but i want him anyway oops
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i wish i could experience the unbridled joy of making overpowered super capable and charming mary sue OCs and self-inserts because that always looks so fun and I absolutely adore seeing other people's, but unfortunately I love lame characters way too much to ever do that fjdkdl, if I don't make a character somewhat goofy and (often painfully) mediocre then I will simply up and abandon them entirely because I find nothing interesting in them
#hmmm i am looking at the word lame and wondering if thats a word that should be used considering its history. hmmm#one of my biggest issues w having m.oral ocd is that i can never tell if its That or if im having a valid thought abt smth#(i hate the word valid bc it's been so overused but fhdkdl i cant think of a better word rn)#oh well! if i see someone talking abt the usage of the word lame then I'll look at what they say and decide from there#but i think maybe it might not be an actual problem and im just being insane fhfjdkl#ANYWAYS. if a character that i create is not super mediocre in some way then i did not create them DBFJDKL#i just love to mix in a heavy dollop of mediocrity into my OCs and self-inserts#idk if I've shown it much on this blog tbh DHFJDL so much just exists in my brain bc I cannot make all the art and writing I want to#dandy.cmd
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I think what bothers me about tim stans is that he DID go through it a lot but they try to make it somebody else’s fault every time; usually so tim can like. Yell at them or be justified in how much he self isolated when the truth is that it was very ugly and messy and there was a lot of fucked up feelings with nowhere to go which is partially why he dipped so thoroughly in the first place (mind you he wasn’t like. Completely cut off he was just choosing not to talk to anybody) but y’all can’t stand that maybe he made a choice for himself that sucked and wanna say shit like Dick tried to throw him in Arkham and he got abandoned by the hero community for no reason when searching for Bruce 💀
#TW some tim positivity#mutuals look away 💔#I’m sorry i just think it’s so interesting#that a lot of his issues between Kon is dead and bruce is back was due to self isolation#on purpose! like he chose not to talk to anyone ever then got confused when he felt bad#exaggerating but yknow#anyways trying to blame everyone else is sooo#like even tim who looooves to point fingers didnt actually blame anyone 💀#bc they didn’t do shit#it’s so much harder to grasp tim made an obviously worse choice than it is to think he was pushed to that point#when like. we know he makes bad choices he’s done so since he went to Dick and asked that grown man to be Robin again 💀#what I think is so interesting about tim is that he likes to from his pov cut out the middleman#he’ll jump to an extreme outta nowhere and it works a lot but it also bites him in the ass a lot#and sometimes it’s so unecessary that it actively makes his life worse#and that’s so much more fun than ‘everyone hates him 🥺’#I think my fave part is that from his pov it makes total sense but as ur reading u can see he’s off his fucking rocker (derogatory btw.)#and heavy on the derogatory on that part bc too many of y’all are so. consoling??? that’s not the right word but close enough when u talk#abt his flaws. like when y’all call him white or a loser but everyone can tell u relate#I promise u we can all tell#ur not slick#sorry this is supposed to be tim positivity adjacent#once again mutuals look away 😞#turning off revlogs bc I exaggerate a lot but then don’t go i to depth and I don’t need yt ppl getting pissed about their fave AGAIN#just take it with a grain of salt and go#but also it’s been awhile since I read YJ and RR so if I’m wrong…idc it’s just TIM 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😂
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the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am
#horse.txt#vent //#sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk#anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember#from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore.#bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like#made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them#but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it#doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge#that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs.#which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely!#but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues#so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig#EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet.#sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore#i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭#its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back#bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝#at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos#still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn#sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this#the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall#i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious#thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now#alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post#daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty.#😎😎😎💪💪💪#the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket
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okay but whenever proshippers say [thing i have literally never heard anyone say or consider saying] that’s really gross which is why i hate them
#literally don’t mind this post it’s just me being unnecessarily salty#like bro what. where are you getting this info. what tf are you talking about#give me a single example#feels like everyone hates proshippers for the most inane reasons#okay i’m just going to scream now bc i’m frustrtaed#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAA#that isn’t very cathartic in text#it’s just like. so annoying. that’s not what ‘all proshippers’ think wtf#feels like ppl will go on this webbed site and say ‘dni proshippers. i hate them bc every single one thinks all dairy should be eradicated’#WHY. WHAT. SHOW ME THE DAMN BIBLIOGRAPHY#also my own sister has a dni proshippers on her thing. because she’s a minor????? what?????#well not minor anymore ig#she’s an actual real adult now what will she do……….#but anyway what am i supposed to do with that. she’s my goddamn sister. no i’m not gonna stop interacting with her bc of her dni#i hate breathing exercises they feel so trite like stupid breathing is going to fix all my mental issues?????#and then when it works it feels like it vindicates everyone#who instantly told me 2 do that when they heard abt me having any kind of issue#aghhhhh that thought Does Not Help#so when i do it i try to think of my choir teacher instead#yknow i used to show songs to him after class and then he’d comment on it and we’d talk about various song things like friends#it was nice. no one has really talked to me abt music like that before or since#and i miss it#i love music so much#theres nothing else quite like it. that’s true for all artforms but#what else can make you feel something so simply so easily?#when i make music i wanna be able to control my audience’s mood like that#sometimes i try for atmospheric pieces ones that really embody like a setting#like the glowing cave one!#when i’m not doing that i usually have a specific thing i’m trying out#like slides or chords or varying length of notes
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i started watching midnight mass last night and i hate bev so much i actually looked up spoilers to see if she dies so i could look forward to it
#uppity self righteous manipulative super religious type makes my skin crawl im like I HOPE LOS FERATU TEARS UR THROAT OUTTT#the way she talked abt joe when pruitt killed him and whole spiel in the class room when hassan brought up the issue of#children being handed religious text in a public school environment. I HATE YOUUUUUUUU#anyway i really like it ive only got three eps left but its been great#chit chat#text
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i think i know why i had a mental breakdown yesterday. oh my god it’s so clear to me now i am connecting the dots. i’m not really okay i mean i feel kinda okay today but i’m still just as insane just feeling okay. BUT I THINK I’M ACTUALLY GOING TO BE NORMAL I THINK IT’S LITERALLY A FALSE ALARM FRIENDS.
so uhm. i’m not going to say what is wrong with me but it is... something that happens regularly to me. something that happens regularly to like. half the population. almost like. a cycle. r u following me camera man? but i think i’ll be okay
well i mean. i’ll be okay mentally. all things considered. but i mean. all of those problems i was venting about are actual real life problems that actually torment me like i meant that shit but the melodrama, i think. there is a reason for that. that is out of my control. and i will return to normal.
#anyway i told my therapist about this regular issue that i have had. for like. 15 years? maybe. cause i never talked to a therapist abt it#i know that it is something that is completely outside of my control so i just try to predict it and prepare to cope with it#and she told me that i was completely in the right with that game plan bc she literally told me#it really honestly is just something outside of my control and all i can do is predict it and prepare#and this time i did not predict it OR prepare. even tho this is the first time it's happened since i TOLD HER I WOULD!!!!!#but i am actuALLY GOING THROUGH SO MUCH RIGHT NOW AND DEALING WITH SO MUCH THAT IT WAS OBVIOUSLY THE LAST THING ON MY MIND!!!!#and the result of that is that i had a full on mental breakdown on tumblr. sad.#anyway do u guys hate me pls don't hate me bc my brain short circuits a couple days out of the month in an incredibly normal way :(
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sigh I’m not doing yaoi discourse in 2023. takes three seconds to look up how it originated versus other gay genres/subgenres like yuri, shounen-ai, bara, or BL. I seriously don’t give a fuck if people create/engage with yaoi but ignoring its origins is not helping anyone especially if you’re trying to reclaim the genre.
#mud rambles#yaoi is not yuris counterpart and people pretending it is. is like. ridiculous#men writing yuri and women writing BL in of itself is not an issue but like. yaoi was literally created out of the fetishization of gay men#by women for the consumption of other women. that is not 'pushing a bias' or what the fuck ever it takes two seconds to confirm that#reclaim the genre! idc! but again ignoring how it started isnt helping anyone#it's very distinct from BL bara and shounen-ai#i have a love hate relationship w yaoi as a genre bc it was a big part of my self discovery journey#and it's not even inherently bad. its just that. AGAIN. you cant ignore its origins in favor of having an aesthetic pair with yuri#ive been researching and learning about this shit since i was a teen#anyway seriously. this is the last im gonna b talking abt this#dont send me shit i am not engaging w it further#this was brought on bc somebody screenshotted tags i left on a post i reblogged but have since deleted#cause again. not doing fucking. yaoi discourse of all things as a fucking grown man lmfao#again. idfc if people create/consume/etc yaoi i literally would just like people to actually be critical of what they consume and#not ignore shit because they cant deal with the reality of how certain genres can come from shitty origins#okay bye <3 back to my regular blogging experience#dont reblog this or screenshot this or whatever this is my post my blog if i could figure out how to turn reblogs off for this post i would#i was able to do it before on the mobile app for other posts but that function apparently just does not exist on the web for me specifically#and i deleted the app a while ago. anyway. k bye
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ok sorry for wings of fire posting ik the warrior cats posting is probably enough psychic damage, but thinking abt how they assassinated anemone’s character in the second arc depresses me
#it had the potential to be really good and hey maybe theres something im missing#i dont disagree with her being a spoiled brat in the second arc at all. that makes complete sense with her character and we saw some of that#in the second book. it just wasnt the highlight bc the pov character was her royal sister who was being treated weird as well#my actual issue is with her animus magic. shes described as being scared to use it and worries about being seen as a weapon#she hides it from others (at the advice of her mom but still) and she talks abt albatross as being someone she feared becoming#so like. why the fuck. does she just carelessly use her magic on frivolous things in thesecond arc#if its bc shes finally free from her mom then thats weird bc part of the reason she wanted out was bc she was afraid of animus magic corrup#corruption#its like they took that aspect of her character away and gave it to turtle instead#so to serve his arc shes suddenly all like ''oh well ill turn insane anyways so whoooo cares'' and he has to save her#i like that she hates him for giving her magic bc that at least makes sense but its so weird how suddenly shes like#oh noooo ill overuse it on small things. where before it made her so nervous#if its bc she did end up using more of it during book 2's climax then they should haveset that up better#bc in arc two it feels more like tui suddenly just wanted a spoiled brat ''i should do whatever i want'' character and chose anemone#and again. her being spoiled DOES make sense for her character. its the animus attitude that bothers me#echoed voice
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