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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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The opposite of your last post for the ask meme! Like 1, 5, 9..

thank you lol sorry it took me a minute to get to posting these answers......i also skipped a couple that got asked previously via answering all primes lol

1: What inspires you?

hm well just basic stuff like “being in a good mood” lol or “being hyped up by friends” or “having reason to be particularly excited about something” which is all like, factors that Contribute Energy......learning about stuff / trying something and discovering like oh i’m Into this thing, or that for whatever reason something turns out to be more within reach / doable than i might’ve thought, like, hey i wanna get on this maybe.......~creatively~ it’s great to like, see other ppl’s art, and while i’ve sure been Inspired by professional artists, overall i’m more like, influenced and motivated by seeing the styles / specific works of Online Randos like me.......i also Draw to create [self-indulgent (usually fairly) niche fanart which is also probably gay and is all the time of characters i like] so like, the Stuff I Wanna Make Fanart Of (which has Whatever characters i specifically would like to draw lol) is sure directly Inspiring in that way. i’d say i never had that experience of like, ppl being kids and seeing some [distributed work in a certain art medium] like oh i want to make my own [distributed work in a certain art medium] as in like, i wanna publish a book, i wanna make movies, etc, but i guess i Did b/c i was like elementary school age in the early-to-mid 00s and experienced some instances of online fanart like :o :o wow damn ppl can do that?? just be a rando drawing fanart and sharing it w/ other people online???? and today i am living that dream, so good for me lol. and also i’d like to shoutout marge simpson anime, which is a particular piece of Online Art (technically fanart even lol) which was like, unusually Motivating as a single work of art lol, i made a notes app fanart like immediately and then a way more “painterly” piece of fanart that was v directly inspired by it lol.......and i was sure Drawing It Up last last winter when bmc 3.0 was impending / happening, b/c i got into like Just in the dec before, so that was Fresh, and then bam the Content is happening concurrently and as soon as we even just learned that jeremy has glasses i immediately spent like honestly 25 consecutive hours making fanart for that exact Inspiration. we didn’t even know abt the hello kitty shoes yet!!! and naturally im not out here for stats or clout but it is Inspiring when ppl enjoy the stuff i make and let me know one way or another. [tag comments that express enthusiasm in any way.....Appreciated]

9: Do you trust people easily, or do people have to earn your trust?

i have to say i am wary! that’s in part just like, a default anxiety defensive mode lol. but it takes me a hot minute (aka weeks....or months.....) to realize when someone like, would like to be friends or something, so while i can be Friendly and Outgoing w/ people like, immediately, i’m not picking up relationships left and right that are close enough that i’d particularly talk about “trust” or whatever. i’m not necessarily Distrustful either lol, it’s more just like, again re: the constant wariness thing. it is not unlike a cat lmao i vibe with them lol i Get that [approach]....and there’s been times i’ve been like “hmm i sure do Not vibe with this person ever and am not comfortable around them / interacting with them to any extent beyond occasional casual interactions that i don’t super enjoy. that’s me being overly anxious and failing to be personable i guess!!” and then that person Does give that reason down the line like oh, actually, that eternal uneasiness was warranted :/ damb

21: How does someone become friends with you?

yknow i was like “didn’t i Also answer this one previously” but it turned out the question i was thinking of, which i Had answered, was “how does someone become important to you” lmao.....same diff

tbh it’s kind of an arduous process lmao like. first of all i am Bad about initiating shit, and a lot of times will like, be wary of Directly Interacting with people for a while b/c i am also Bad At not being too passive / unwilling to assert anything so like, if someone’s regularly interacting with me but i’m not into it / Eventually Realize i’m not into it, it’s that thing again where my main strat is [v gradually sidle away] lol and just find it difficult to extricate myself from interactions / relationships and so that plays into me really feeling like i have to have some real confidence that i’d get on with / vibe with someone Before i start significantly interacting with / getting involved with them which....is also difficult natch lol like. can’t rly get a great feel for what someone’s like w/o talking to them.......but then if i Distance myself at all at any point will that be taken as rejection or whatever.......and then anyways say i Am talking to someone, then it’s like, also i’m just not fantastic at casual conversation always and that stage where you don’t know someone too well and talking is mostly a Polite Ritual and it’s like oh god don’t mess up, respond Normally lmaoo......i am nervous. and i also have a tendency to just naturally try to make an interaction go smoothly than immediately prioritize / feel comfortable busting out My Personality lmao.....so then even if ppl are responding well enough it’s like ah jeez i know we’re all performing always but have i shown them What I’m Actually Like to any significant degree, am i just masking it up / mirroring the crap out of how they talk?? and also it then takes me quite a while to put together “if someone keeps talking to you / choosing to interact with you for like, weeks, it probably means they want to / are interested in doing so” lol.........and then i’ll take ages more of trying to consciously Be More Myself without *also* feeling like this is too much of an act lol, and gradually picking up like oh they’re still not like, annoyed or disinterested or something..............what i am trying to say is it sure takes a minute lol

also when i Am attempting sometimes to like [initiate interaction] with people my version of being Active is still not all that active lmao i will be like [occasional Like] or [even more occasional reply] or [tag comments or no comments coz it’s twitter and im rt-ing stuff] and it’s like oh wow if we’re not having more regular interaction i suppose i’ve failed or something?? does this mean anything further lol, did i do anything.....but welp gotta have that perspective that Not Necessarily lol and i’m not the only person in the world who might not make friends or even friendly acquaintances easily / at the drop of a hat and u can’t necessarily read way into shit that hasn’t Actually been communicated to you.......naturally though it is easier to have some ~perspective~ and Serenity about all this sort of thing when you do already have some Friends lmao........been feeling (and consciously nudging myself towards feeling) More Chill about say like, friendly acquaintances i have who aren’t raring to interact with me on the reg.......ppl i’ll go months or half a year or more between having a convo with and then we’ll be like trading dm’s for a couple days and then it’s back to not really talking, and that Is What It Is, not necessarily a tragedy, and really it feels “rude” to acknowledge to myself like oh i’m not sure that me and whomever even Vibe well enough that *i’d* be raring to talk all the time either, but hey, it’s also true, i don’t have to be Validated by ppl who know me having me in their friend circles in any significant way......i be out here on the peripheral / outer orbits and i can appreciate that for what it is, even if, again, easier to be more Cool with that when i’m not Only in ppl’s periphery...........i appreciate the pal i have who like, 99% of how we Communicate is occasionally sending each other pics of our cats, not very intimate but also back when i was offline for months on end they eventually went out of their way to find someone to get in touch with to verify i hadn’t like died or anything lol........i appreciate the Gestures of Caring that ppl have and do extend, even if we do not actually talk regularly.

and like also i’m bad at like. idk the main way i talk is again, At Some Length and often about real specific shit lol so im like woop aware that many ppl are not into that, or they might be down for having an exchange like that for a day and then they’re done.........not at all like wholly Against more lol Conversational conversations but i gotta say that’s more of a struggle lmao..........so let’s say befriending me takes some Patience. i kinda operate on [cat] rules. jellicle

25: How do you stop yourself from going back to toxic people?

i absolutely am Refraining from launching off on a ted talk of a tangent that is also me being the [the guy about to throw down a card on the pile on the table and that card pile is like “any conversation” and the guy is labeled “me” and the One Card about to be played is labeled “it’s capitalism” or smthing like that and also it’s all in spanish].jpg.......

anyways idk just try to keep things in perspective, right......i generally am pretty Passive about gradually sidling away from relationships that are bad and so by the time i Have exited them it’s pretty overdue lmao and i get to be quite confident that it was The Right Thing........and just when looking back on stuff it’s like, well if you remember the Good or “Not That Bad(tm)” parts maybe consciously think about the whole of it And specifically the Bad parts / the reasons for peacing out.......also the other day i was mulling over some standard [conflicted / complicated feelings about having cut certain ppl out entirely] and it also occurred to me that a lot of the [conflicted] feeling part came from sympathy for them, whereas from the perspective of Entirely My Own Feelings On The Matter minus that “how do/would they feel about it” consideration, the thought of never interacting w/ these ppl is like. fine with me lol........stuff like this is always Complicated and Individual and there’s certainly no like, one-stop simple Guide To Navigating All This Kind Of Thing, Cmon It’s Easy........another consideration i saw the other day via a graphic on twitter, which is probably most relevant re: say, controlling / abusive Partners, was how like, to think about how someone is acting if they’re saying you should Take Them Back b/c they’ve Changed their behavior, but to pay attention to if they’re trying to guilt you into it / justifying or downplaying their previous behavior / shifting blame and otherwise manifesting the inherently harmful and controlling patterns that are supposed to be gone now........anyways yeah complicated stuff and also just p.s. (and what would’ve been the jumping off point for the It’s-Capitalism tangential essay lol) ppl shouldn’t be blamed if they do choose to let someone back in their life like oh now they’re responsible for bringing their mistreatment upon themself.....no better than blaming someone for, say, having a harmful / controlling romantic partner in the first place like oh well they should’ve known better than to have gotten involved with this person..........ppl are in control of their own abusive behavior and shouldn’t be considered Forces Of Nature no matter how intransigent they are

33: Do you have someone you know you can always rely on?

tbt question 9 lol there’s defo some people that i do trust! love it....

45: Do you consider yourself creative?

another #tbt to question 1 lol.......i mean Yes i am creative in ways but like, who Isn’t, really.......think sometimes “creativity” means “do you like, do Art things” which, yes i do, but then within that there’s art that’s deemed more ~creative~ or w/e......not to mention that i don’t think something has to be definitively labeled an Art to be creative. like, for example, Science and Art aren’t opposites / the antithesis of each other, and anytime defines ~science~ as like, people just memorizing and outputting Facts and Numbers and considers this a distinction from Being An Artist.....wild and i Will fight you lmao. i tell you i can v much remember times i have had to completely disengage to keep from losing my cool at people arguing about “why i respect science but could only be an artist :’|” or “why Art is actually harder than Science and also we’re the underdogs b/c society values science so much more :’|” like.....mf...........anyways scientific pursuits may certainly have a different Methodology (see: scientific method) than art but lbr it still requires creativity and science and art are friends you fucking fools................and then also just zooming in on the Art-Making business here, i also like, have never had any interest in coming up with Original stories / characters and the like, and i don’t enjoy trying and it just really is not my thing, and it’s Funny or something when people wanna say that creative fanworks have value b/c they let ppl cut their teeth for what really matters, inevitably making their own original content(tm)......that isn’t inevitable for me lol and certainly is nothing i aim to do ever, and when there’s the suggestion that if you’re Good enough at ur medium you gotta manifest some of that original the character do not steal shit.........anyways i’m not pressed to claim i am an Artist(tm) or Creative(tm) lol like i guess technically i am both but i have no professional aspirations and my brain does not Do [generate original content] so it’s all like, i’m just out here.........s/o to this time i was trying to do my fuckin thing drawing on a tablet in a cafe and some random annoying guy is trying to talk and i happen to mention like “lol i don’t exactly call myself an artist really” and Guy goes “OH REALLY??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ARTISTS? WHAT’S YOUR ISSUE WITH ART” like please cool it lmao but god p sure it was a guy who was just. very Around and very annoying in general

49: Do you feel like you’re a good person?

yeah i think i’m alright but really what is the use in like considering there 2 be achievable Good or Bad Person Statuses for everyone........let’s say it’s an ongoing, active state to be in the process of consciously choosing to be Good and working towards Better. especially considering that We Live In A Society which tries to teach everyone and continuously imbues our existence with Bad Messages about how to perceive and engage with other people, and being A Good Person is a lifelong effort and it’s unhelpful to feel that if you’re already Good or well-intentioned enough you can just dust off your hands and be like “well my work here is done” and be unprepared to examine your beliefs/actions or deal with the might-as-well-assume-it’s-an-inevitability that even if u have some noble-ass beliefs you’ll fail to live up to them at some point/s.......so like yeah lol again i feel like i am a pretty good person but can always be better and ought to be aware of / willing to work on that at any point

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famous-aces · 5 years

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Alfredo Guttero

Who: Alfredo Guttero

What: Artist and Art Promoter

Where: Argentinian (active in Argentina and throughout Western Europe)

When: May 26, 1882 - December 1, 1932

(Image Description: Retrato del pintor, Victorica, 1929 [a self portrait]. It shows Guttero in his apartment. Outside is a very geometric skyline of smokestacks, steep roofs, and a brown sky. His room is slate colored and he sits in a chair in the foreground. He has a jacket thrown over the back of his chair. His pose is casual and he looks as if we [the viewer] have just distracted him from painting. He sits with his legs to one side, turned almost unnaturally toward the viewer. One leg is lifted slightly and one hand is on the chair's seat as if he is in the middle of turning completely to the viewer. He is a man with a receding hairline and a high forehead. He has a dark mustache and dark hair and low eyebrows. He is wearing a white shirt and bowtie and has his sleeves rolled up to the elbow and his collar is ruffled and loosened. The whole thing hangs very loose but you can still see some of his body's lines of musculature. His tie undone and hanging around his neck. His pants are ordinary and green/brown. His expression is calm but confident and he looks directly at the viewer. The colors are bold but not really bright. The style blends geometry and flatness and realism in a way I am explaining very poorly. End ID)

Guttero is not terribly well remembered today, which is too bad. Looking through his oeuvre I quite like his work. Maybe it is because he lacked the bombastic personality of many modernist artists, maybe it is due to his diversity of styles without one that seems to define his work, or maybe it is because he was one of so many talented artists of his generation. He was well renown in his era, however, and used his popularity and skill to foster the next generation of Argentinian artists.

Guttero's life began mundanely enough. He always loved art, appreciating it and creating it, but pursued a legal career instead. But he was unhappy with his life as a lawyer, so Guttero left it to become a painter. He pursued his dream and passion, inspired and pushed by other Argentine artists. In 1904 his reputation was good enough that the Argentinian government sponsored his move to Paris, then the epicenter of the truly exciting and revolutionary art world, its influence expanding outward. He studied there for a few years under Maurice Denis before appearing in the Salon.

He remained in Paris until 1916 when he began to travel extensively across Western Europe for more than a decade, first to Spain, then Germany, Austria, and beyond. He traveled to nearly every country in the area between the years of 1916 and 1927. His work was shown in various exhibitions around the continent from being featured in the Salon in Paris to a major solo exhibition in Genoa.

After that he returned to Argentina for the first time since his initial departure in 1904. Guttero remained active in his native country including creating free art classes called, aptly enough, Cursos Libres de Arte Plástico, with other Argentine artists. During this time he focused on his work as an art promotor, perhaps even more than his own art. During this time he introduced and showed new Argentinian artists to a wider audience. Indeed he created an organization for this purpose: the Hall of Modern Painters. He was dedicated to promoting and preserving modern art in the face of a world growing increasingly dark and reactionary. He died young and without much warning.

His art is undeniably modernist but trickier to pin to a specific movement. He has many different styles he utilizes with different degrees of naturalism and curves vs geometry. His scenes are by and large mundane and human, he uses bright colors, often huge central subjects, kinetic poses and positions, modern settings, and by and large human or urban subjects. He often painted on plaster using a "cooked plaster" technique of his own devising.

(Image Description: Martigues for Charles Jacques [1909], a brightly colored painting showing a scene in a Martigues canal. It is not completely realistic nor completely geometric and abstract. He favors color over outlines. In the background is a bright blue sky interrupted by yellow buildings with tile roofs, maybe houses, lit by the unseen sun. One of the building's lower doors is open. There is a small tree to the far right. In the foreground in the sparkling water of the canal are several small work boats, probably fishing boats judging by the silvery nets lying over the hulls. On the right a boat is coming in, there is a pale skinned, dark haired man working on one of the nets. His sail is red and white. On the left is a pale man in an orange hat and yellow shirt. He is stooped and just by his pose appears older, both of the men are too far away for many identifying details. End ID)

Possible Orientation: Mspec ace, gay ace, or aroace with an aesthetic attraction to multiple genders. (I am so unsure I have changed "probable" to "possible.")

I admit this one is a stretch on my part.

I am classifying Guttero based largely on absence, i.e. the absence of a remembered/recorded spouse, sexual/romantic partner, or liasian. I have no quotes or historical documents to prove my point. I have none of his personal philosophy or writings to draw from. Just the fact that he dedicated his life to art more than human relationshipa. That this is something I have seen before: Cause and its role in the life of many aros/aces/aroaces (outlined in Weil's entry the other day) and the fact that he had no recorded romantic/sexual partners that I can find in hours of research.

This illustrates why it is so, so difficult to find aspecs in history. We are not, as aphobes believe, impossible to locate, there is externally visible evidence, but it is less obvious than most other orientations. And cishets would rather we didn't exist so we are often buried under excuses. The easiest ways to find them are 1) if they were notably "married to their job" in their lifetimes (e.g. Jeanette Rankin and Carter Woodson), they talked/wrote about it in some capacity (e.g. T.E. Lawrence or Frédéric Chopin), they were distrusted because of it (John Ruskin and James Barrie), they made it part of their persona (Nikola Tesla and Florence Nightingale), aside from that I really need to search deep into their personal lives. Information not always available.

And often even when people essentially say "I am aromantic and/or asexual" the general population will not accept that. After all Newton is often remembered as allo and gay, despite never expressing interest in men. Chopin is often listed as allo and bi. Rankin is often considered cishet but too deeply concerned with her work. Barrie gets called a pedophile despite showing no interest in children. For eccentric aspecs like Weil/Tesla/etc. their being aspec becomes part of their oddness. If they weren't Like That they would be allo. Their being aspec becomes a symptom of their weirdness and would be unacceptable in a "normal" person.

History with a capital H does not want to acknowledge aspecs and, as with other queer identities, will go to insane measures to erase them. But even other queer historians will do this to aspecs. I am shocked how many people do exactly to Newton/Lewis/and the like what cishet historians do to Alexander the Great. In the case of Alexander the cishets ignore the obvious accounts that he loved Hephestian in nearly every way possible and queer historians and history buffs call them out, then often the non-aspec ones look at Newton and Lewis who had no interest in men and say they must have been gay. And it isn't really just history, Tim Gunn is by his own admission both gay and ace and the second part of that statement is either erased or, even crazier, I have seen aphobes say that he is mistaken about his own identity.

Anyway the root cause of this lack of nuance in the discussion of sexual orientation is a long sidebar that this is not the place to explore. I have left Guttero behind paragraphs ago. I have written a lot about how aces and aros end up getting erased from history and this isn't about that.

This is about Guttero and the difficulty of finding aros and aces. The presence of something is so much easier to find than the alternative, obviously, like if Historical Figure X exclusively slept with/courted men and was a man we can say he was (most likely) gay. But if Historical Figure Y didn't sleep with anyone/court anyone it is harder to prove. This is obviously severely simplifying identity but for the purposes of this example I beg your apology.

Long Story Short: the absence of evidence of something is not proof of the absence of something. A lot of aphobes will point this out and utterly ignore the fact that sometimes it is.

So, Guttero. The only thing I can say conclusively is that he never married and he was romantically or sexually tied to anyone as far as I can find. He was, in his time, very active in the art world. If he had been involved someone would probably have taken note. Especially considering his art is often very appreciative of the human form, especially the male one, it would not be hard to believe he was allo and gay or mspec.

I am going to take his art another way putting some dusty analysis/critique/art history skills to good use. Here's the thing, those who follow me on my personal blog or even here know I find the Death of the Author extremely important but it is also extremely complicated (it was actually the topic of my senior thesis). I don't want to use an artist's work to talk about their personal lives because art is often not reflective of life, but there is always some cross contamination in one way or another. I am going to explain what I mean on a superficial level, using myself as an example so I can say this is 100% accurate. I love the found family trope, and I think those relationships are the best in the world. So whenever I write something you can be damned sure if I can get some found family goodness in there I will. What I am saying is, I don't love or even approve of everything I write about, but I do write about some things because I love them and want to explore them and experience them on some level. The same may be true for Guttero and the subjects he painted.

Guttero often pays a lot of attention to human form. Look at his work The Market (I couldn't find a large enough image to put it in this post) and you will see his appreciation for amab musculature and on the other side of the male spectrum...

(image description: Retrato de Lucien Cavarry [1911] It shows a thin, lanky, and well dressed young man reclining on a green floral patterned couch and a black pillow. He is pale with neat, dark hair. He has a shadow of 5 o'clock shadow on his super hero jaw. His suit is white, his slightly rumpled tie is black, as are his socks and polished shoes. One arm is across the back of the couch and a red and gold pillow the other is dangling. This style is very different from the other portraits I showed/referenced. Still a modern but more realistic style, more flowing, less geometric. The man is drop dead gorgeous by Western beauty standards. End ID)

As for women...he seems to find them colder, more distant, but there is still a physical appreciation there. (Linking Mujeres Indolentes so I don't get flagged for "female presenting nipples" or whatever Tumblr's BS is. [The name alone tells you a lot]). Or the somewhat judgemental gaze of the woman below:

(Image Description: Georgelina. It shows a portrait of a pretty young woman sitting in front of a field. She is pale and long and beautiful. She has red hair, sharp eyes, a long flowing white dress with a gold sash around her waist, and a white hat with a black bow that is blowing in the wind. She takes up most of the frame and her expression is challenging and she holds eye contact with the viewer. The colors are bright and she is almost porciline in color. The background is mostly flat planes of color. In style it is somewhere between the self portrait and the portrait of Cavarry. End ID.)

Not all of his portraits of women have them so sour/distant but they all have a sort of challenging look. Beauty tinged with something dangerous, while the men always seem more innocent.

So here is why I say aspec rather than allo using his work alone, none of his work is particularly sexually inviting even with the sexiness/physical European attractiveness. The men are bashful or unaware of the viewer, the women are certainly not interested.

And back to the self portrait at the top: Guttero is in a fairly sexy pose, but it is sexy without being sexual. He is rumpled but the thing he was doing was painting, there is a sexless explanation. He is looking at the viewer, but you are distracting him from working. At first glance I thought his legs were spread, but they are simply in motion so he can face his guest more comfortably. This all could mean nothing, but I found it striking that this is how he chose to depict himself, at first he appears to be inviting the viewer in for a more physical interaction, but then it seems he is doing exactly the opposite, his passionate energy has been instead put into painting.

And in reality toward the end of his life that was what he did. He dedicated himself to his own art and the art of others.

So again, this could mean nothing. But...it could mean he is aspec.

And that is how the person I am least sure about got the longest entry.

(image description: Elevadores [1928]. A painting showing a factory complex. There is a raised platform running around it and several buildings in bright colors. There is a tree to the right side and a green hill. The building in the near-center [lightly left] is red. The sky is yellow and blue, perhaps the unseen sun is rising up behind the right-hand buildings. In style it is mostly geometric and flat color. End ID.)

#queer #lgbtq #asexual #ace #history #aromantic #aro #gay #mspec #20th century #artists #south america #Argentina #Argentinian #Alfredo Guttero

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judehvyward · 5 years

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lady gaga vc: i’m still in love w judas Babey..... helo. nai again. i cnt rly write lana atm so! switched her out fr jude. some of u might kno him already bt if nt then here is his pinterest board to kind of get a feel fr his aesthetic or whtever n then u can find out mre abt him beneath the cut. like this or hmu fr plots!!

( cis-male ) haven’t seen JUDE HAYWARD around in a while. the DOUGLAS BOOTH lookalike has been known to be (+) WITTY & (+) PROTECTIVE, but HE can also be (-) SARCASTIC & (-) DETACHED. The 23 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in FINE ART. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/ha. )

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super liberal n au naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the one time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like what the hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t super abusive or anything like that bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans

they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird/unhealthy environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they even knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just didn’t care one bit

they were both suuuuper into the arts. they’re both rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in san fran

as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his actual parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws their son forcing them to b responsible n look after someone else. tbh some of his parents friends tht stayed w him while they were away were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh fgkhdfgh. basically they just were not nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n film n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing. i mean he’s gd bt… chill

personality wise he acts out sometimes bc he’s so frustrated. he tried rly hard to be someone his parents wld care abt by doing wild or stupid things so he’d hav funny stories to tell them n tbh sometimes it works n he gets them to laugh w him but it isn’t a parent/son bond n it never rly wil b. he’s rly sarcastic, sleeps around a lot bt isn’t particularly fond of actual dates except in rare cases, has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably draw them n get rly defensive if they find out abt it fkjgdhfkj bcos he’s an independent boy without a sentimental bone in his body! or so he tries to pretend. pretty deadpan humour most of the time. luvs strange ppl tht keep him on his toes

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps fgjkhfgjkf he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot. he also… smokes a lot fr the sake of his depression bc hoo boy does he hav it bad! he’s tried a bunch of medications n none have rly worked bt u kno. he’s surviving

wld die to protect tha Wamen. once punched a guy fr bein disrespectful to queen n living legend frankie vigo. rly jst… does his best to b a gd guy bt sometimes fucks up mostly frm jst. thoughtless errors

king of bein an lgbt ally. experimented once n ws like :/ when guys jst… weren’t fr him. he genuinely ws disappointed over it n hs sighed at least seven times over the matter. when blake came out as gay he wore this shirt 2 support him. truly jst a strange little man w positive intentions

ummmmmmmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges along tht dramatic model jawline. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a good time. o and he’s that guy that would die fr morrissey (in terms of…. his style bt he acknowledges tht he ws/is a pretentious twat) and all that stone roses the smiths the cure etc stuff music wise. hmu fr plots!!!!!! i’m down fr anything

#water:intro #depression tw #abuse tw #its never mentioned its only very briefly implied at one point #trauma tw #same w tht #i think thts all..... the tags he needs #or maybe #neglect tw #??? idk abt tht one bt throws it anyway

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sasuhinasno1fan · 6 years

Text

Nail Art Confession

Hi @saltedsaltine, I’m your gifter for the @vldshipexchange. I’ve been watching this k-drama about a nail shop and I like the headcannon about Lance being really good at all the stuff like that. I also noticed that you like FFXV, Prompto especially so I thought, why not throw them in there? I hope you enjoy.

Keith knew he should be working on his homework, but his fingers were itching to get messy from charcoal in his sketch book. Of course, his usual suspect kept turning up on the pages.

Lance.

He and Lance were in the same friend group, friends themselves though not as close as Lance was with Hunk and Pidge and how he was with Shiro. Somehow they would usually find themselves hanging out more. Lance was loud and attention grabbing and Keith was sure that it’d be hard to really bond with him but Lance was extremely respecting of his boundaries. Whenever Keith would blow him off because of personal issues, Lance always made sure he was ok before telling him it was ok and to let him know when he was feeling better. Sometimes Keith would find himself going to find him even if he was sure he wanted to be alone but there was something about Lance’s presence that he found calming when it was just the two of them. He panicked when he realised how he felt about Lance, avoiding him at first until Shiro tracked him down, asking him what was wrong.

“Keith, having a crush is normal. It’s terrifying, don’t get me wrong but you know Lance. He understands and respects you so it’s not like it’d be a horrible idea to date him.”

“But what if I mess it up?”

“I somehow doubt that but I think Lance respects you too much to make your life hard if that does happen. But only do it if you feel comfortable ok? Don’t do it because you feel like you have to. I’m sure Lance is willing to wait.”

“Wait, does he know?” Keith asked panicked even more

“No, no, no. Just…tell him when you’re ready ok?”

Keith avoided Lance for just a bit longer before he decided Shiro was right. Lance respected and understood him, there was no way he’d embarrass Keith if it didn’t go well. Didn’t mean he’d tell him just yet though. Lance had been worried though, which made Keith feel bad but a hanging out session with some of Lance’s favourite foods forgave him.

It was hard trying to have to hide how he felt but Keith was fine just hanging out with Lance. He didn’t want to lose him so he just kept his feeling under lockdown and drew them out on the ever filling pages of his sketch book. No one ever looked in it without his permission, so he didn’t feel so scared about filling pages upon pages of Lance’s profile or different expressions. They were mostly of Lance smiling. He had a really amazing smile that lit the whole room up.

‘God, I’m gay.’

Keith looked over at the sound of a phone buzzing to his roommate waking up from his nap and fumbling around for his phone. Noctis could sleep just about anywhere, yet somehow he was still passing all his classes. Honestly he only ever saw Noctis studying if he was being bugged by Ignis, one of his friends and apparently nephew to his dad’s secretary. When Prompto, Lance’s roommate and Noctis’ best friend, was over they played video games, watched movies on laptops or leave the room for hours on end doing whatever.

“Mmm,” Noctis mumbled sleepily, no doubt trying to get his brain to work, “Prom’s coming over.” He announced

“That’s fine.” Honestly Prompto hadn’t been to their room in a while. Something about a photography internship

Somehow Noctis fell asleep in the span of when he spoke to when Prompto came slamming the door open. Actually, he was still asleep.

“Sorry. Noct, Noct, wake up dude!” Noctis groaned and turned away from his best friend. Keith could sympathize. Trying to wake Noctis up was a struggle yet his phone going off got him up in a second. Prompto pulled the pillow from under Noctis’ head and wacked him with it. “Get up!”

“What?” he whined sleepily, finally turning to his best friend

“Look at what Lance did.” At the sound of his crush’s name, he paid more attention and watched Prompto shove his fingers in Noctis’ face. “They’re chocobos! Aren’t they cute?”

“He painted your nails?”

“Yeah, he said he usually does it with his sisters and he’s been feeling a bit homesick so he’s been looking up a lot of different designs and I offered to be a model and he did this.”

“It looks good. Can I go back to sleep?”

“No! Come on, I wanna show Iggy and Gladio and you’ve been in bed all day since classes ended. Come on! Sorry again.” Prompto apologized as he pulled a protesting Noctis out of bed and out the door, leaving Keith in silence.

Nail art? Keith knew Lance liked things most people would consider feminine, but he knew that his relationship with his sisters made him not care what people thought. He knew Lance could do hairstyles and was usually begged by the girls in his dorm to do their makeup but he didn’t know that he was also good at doing nails. He went with his mom once to a nail saloon once for her birthday and he had been impressed with the almost effortless skills the manicurist did his mom’s nails. Imagining Lance in that spot was almost as effortless. The desire to see the concentrated look on Lance’s face while doing it prompted him to pick his phone up.

Prompt came bursting into my room to show off his nails.

Oh yeah, here let me show you the pic I got

A picture came in of the art on Prompto’s nails. It was the top of the feathered head, the cartoon blue eyes just peeking over the cuticle. It was cute, and it was pretty amazing.

I had no clue you were so good at art

Not like you. Nails are more my canvas. Now that I think about it, I’ve done everyone else’s nails except yours. Would you be interested? There’s a design I want to try but I did mine last night and I don’t want to take it off.

Well, Keith had a habit of chewing his nails sometimes so it would stop him. It would also mean having Lance hold his hand for a certain amount of time.

Sure. Should I come over?

Yeah! Door’s open and I have mom’s cookies.

Like he needed anymore incentive. Lance’s mother’s cookies were to die for.

“I heard cookies.” Keith said after Lance called for him to come in.

“Hi, Lance. How are you? Oh fine Keith, do you want a cookie? Oh I couldn’t. I swear, I don’t know who’s worse. You, Pidge or Hunk and Hunk tries getting the recipe out of my mom while he does it.” Lance said, sitting at his desk and opening the window, no doubt to try and get rid of the smell of nail polish and nail polish remover.

“Your mom’s cookies are good. You can’t blame a cooking god like Hunk to want to learn the recipe.”

“What am I then? Just the delivery boy?” Lance asked annoyed, though Keith could see he wasn’t really.

“And my manicurist apparently. I would have come to see you anyway; the cookies just moved me faster.” Keith admitted, slightly embarrassed but not really. He liked spending his time with Lance.

“Aww, Keith. You’re the only one who cares.” Lance joked, holding up a Ziplock bag half-filled with assorted cookies. Keith was able to quickly find the double white chocolate chip and take a large bite out of it. “Consider that half your payment. You can get the rest after I do your nails.” Lance said, moving the bag out of the way and gestured to the other chair on the other side of the desk.

Keith sat down after shoving the rest of the cookie into his mouth and took his seat. He watched Lance as he filled a small bowl with soap and a few drops of essential oil before pouring water from Prompto’s electric kettle, judging from the chocobo stickers on the handle. Lance brought it over with a towel to rest it on and guided Keith’s hands into the water, which was pleasantly warm.

“So I’m basing this design off something my sister told me. I think you might like it.”

“Are you going to tell me what it is?” Keith pried but Lance shook his head. “Fine, I’ll wait. When did you learn to do this anyway?”

Taking one of Keith’s hands out of the water and wiping it off before picking up a cuticle pusher and gently pushed Keith’s cuticles back, Lance launched into his tale of how when his aunts would come over, all the older girls would join them in the kitchen to gossip and talk, everyone doing their nails. Lance had one older brother close to his age but at that time he was more interested in trying to hang out with the older boys leaving Lance by himself. Like the mommy’s boy he was, he decided to latch onto his mother who sat in the kitchen with all the other woman. His sister Veronica told him if he was joining them, he had to do his nails as well and he agreed. Even as he got older, he’d join his aunts, sisters, cousins and mother in the kitchen learning the trade, mastering everything until he could do it just as good as getting it done at a salon. Keith had been intently listening, letting Lance move his hands however he wanted to, only really looking at his hands when Lance painted a red similar to Keith’s favourite jacket onto his left fingernails. But for the most part he’d been focused on Lance’s own focused face, committing it to memory to draw in his sketchbook later.

“Alright. I still have to do the design, but how does it look so far?”

Keith looked at his right hand, his nails rounded and red. There wasn’t a spot missing or any polish on his skin, Lance quick to remove it when it did happen.

“Better than I can ever do.” Keith said

“The highest of praise, thank you.” Lance turned on a small fan that sat on the desk. “Put that hand in front of the fan.”

“What about the design?”

“It’ll just be on the left hand.” Lance said, focused on the nails in his hand, strangely having Keith’s fingers curled so he couldn’t see them.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” Keith didn’t believe him.

“Lance.”

Lance suddenly looked a bit embarrassed. “So my sister told me about this guy who paid for a girl to get her nails done, he just asked the manicurist to do a certain design. Thing is, he was just friends with this girl but he wanted to become more. So the girl got her nails done and was given the design of his name spelt out on her nails.” Lance put the top coat on and finally let go of Keith’s hand. When he looked at his nails, starting from his pinkie finger and going across, it spelt, L-A-N-C-E. “He told her that he wanted people to know that she was his and he was hers.” Lance put his own hand on the table and even though it was upside-down and backwards, Keith could still see his name spelt out on Lance’s hand.

1-How the hell did he miss that?

2-Oh. Oh!

‘So this is what Shiro meant.’

Keith didn’t notice his silence of his revelation was worrying Lance into thinking he made the wrong decision.

“You know what, never mind, I obviously made a mistake so I’ll just take it off and we can just-”

“I draw you a lot.” Keith burst out. “In my sketchbook. It’s half the reason I don’t like letting people look at it. Also, I really like being around you because you understand me and never push me and I really like you but I was scared I’d mess things up so I didn’t say anything.”

“I thought I’d mess things up with this.” Lance said, looking much calmer now. “I’ve been ranting about you for a while and it’s been annoying the others on why I don’t just say something and Prompto suggested that maybe I do it this way since its subtle and if it didn’t go well, I could play it off as a joke. Which it isn’t, because, you know, I do like you.”

“Me too.” this was new and strange and he was sure he’d need an hour or so to digest everything but Lance liked him, like, liked liked him. He felt strangely giddy. “So is this how you’re going to show me off to everyone else?”

Seeming to be back to his normal self now that he had confirmation Keith felt the same, Lance said as he pulled out a canister of quick dry spray, “absolutely. Just you wait; Pidge is going to never want to be around us with all our domestic love and everything. Ooh, you should let me braid your hair! I mean it’s long enough to put it into a ponytail. I think I can even braid your bangs. Plus I can finally take care of that dry skin of your.”

“Hey!”

“No point in denying it babe,” babe. The name already felt so right to Keith. God, he was gay.

#klance #vldshipexchange #prompto and noctis

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yallreddieforthis · 7 years

Text

I’ll Stop By Your Room

Fandom: It (2017)

Pairing: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier

Rating: T (for language, talking about sex, mentions of past sexual situations)

Words: 7.1k

Movie canon-compliant but not book. Aged-up (16-17) Also posted on AO3

“Oh God,” Eddie says, rolling his eyes and whacking his head on the seat in front of him because he can’t believe he was so stupid as to think that maybe once in his entire life he could just have a goddamn normal, boring-ass field trip where nothing humiliating or life-changing happens because he just had to go and develop feelings for Richie, who never lets anything be boring or normal. Not even Eddie.

As he steps onto the bus to head back to Derry High, Eddie is prepared for the first time in his entire school career, to declare this field trip A Success.

He’s made it almost halfway through tenth grade without ever having gone on a field trip where no disastrous shit went down—either for the class in general, or just specifically Eddie-related shit. There was one in sixth grade where the bus driver got lost and they didn’t get home until after five, and Eddie’s mom had already gotten the police involved by the time the bus pulled into the parking lot of Derry Elementary. Or the eighth grade one to the botanical gardens where Eddie got stung by a bee. Or when they went to the zoo in second grade and some asshole monkey managed to fling his shit far enough out of his enclosure that it splattered Bill right in the chest and like, okay, maybe that was more of a tragedy for Bill than it was for Eddie but Eddie was standing right next to him when it happened. It was scarring for everyone, okay?

Well, maybe not for Richie, who laughed so hard he almost peed his pants and still brings it up anytime anyone mentions monkeys, even in passing. Like someone will say this is so easy, a monkey could do it, and Richie will invariably butt in with haha, hey Bill, remember the time…

In fact, Eddie thinks that a large part of what has made this art museum field trip such an unmitigated success is that he has managed to stay as far away from Richie as possible. Not the actual art part; that was boring as fuck. Bill and Ben were the only ones who got anything at all out of that shit—Ben was all, did you know that this painting was commissioned for Colonel Assface during the War of Whateverthefuck in the year Long Enough Ago That No One Cares Anymore, and Bill was quiet the whole time but his eyes were all lit up and Eddie could practically hear him thinking about color and brushstrokes and shit. Which is fair, because Bill’s art is starting to get really good. He drew Richie during chem last week and Eddie liked the sketch so much he managed to muster up the courage to ask Bill if he could keep it. He’s positive that if he’d bothered to pay any attention at all in the gallery of Frou Frou di Fifi or whoever, he’d be able to see influences from the trip in Bill’s sketchbook.

But he didn’t. He spent the whole time glued to Stan, because Stan is terrified of paintings (which is understandable, Eddie thinks), and Eddie felt bad that he was forced to come on this field trip. Usually, Bill would be the one to partner up with Stan and like, be supportive or whatever, but Eddie and Stan both knew that the lure of a real art museum was going to be too tempting for him, and Stan’s best bet for company would wind up being Eddie. Stan was miserable the whole time anyway, and Eddie doesn’t blame him. It’d be like if Eddie had to go spend the day in a lab staring at Petri dishes full of diseases and then write a two-page essay about how much he loved it. Like, fuck that shit. He suppresses a shudder at the thought.

So he stuck with Stan, inching along the far wall away from the artwork, and avoided Richie, who mostly told jokes over Ben’s A History Of Everything In the Art Museum lecture and spoke at Bill, who uh-huhed him in the middle of sentences so many times that Eddie thinks even Richie might’ve eventually caught on that he wasn’t listening. Avoiding Richie, especially for Eddie, is usually very difficult for a multitude of reasons, the chief of which being that Eddie is in what essentially amounts to a relationship with Richie. Today, it was surprisingly and suspiciously easy.

It’s not that Eddie doesn’t want to be around Richie—he does, actually always, to an alarming and almost disgusting degree—it’s just that Richie is super inappropriate and keeps Eddie in a constant state of worry about what he’s going to do next. Sometimes, for example, he acts like he’s going to start macking on Eddie in public which...they haven’t really discussed it out loud before, but Eddie thinks they have a mutual understanding about not doing shit like that because Richie has never followed through on it. He’s not exactly embarrassed about the...relationship or whatever, at least not very—Eddie figures he has no more reason to be embarrassed of Richie than Richie does to be embarrassed of him—but he knows and he prays to God that Richie understands that obvious PDA would be just as bad as painting a target on his forehead. A big rainbow target.

Eddie files into a window seat on the bus so that he won’t get carsick and hopes Stan will fill in next to him so he doesn’t end up having to sit with someone mean.

Eddie gets picked on enough already, for plenty of reasons. People had been calling him gay for years before he realized he actually is, in fact, gay. Like, the gay was totally always there, tapping him on the shoulder occasionally like hey, uh, It’s Raining Men is a pretty great song, you should listen to it on a loop for six months... and Eddie was just ignoring it until the whole Richie situation sort of forced him to turn around and look it in the eye. And once he did it was like my guy, listen. Dudes. Dicks. Richie. Rodgers and Hammerstein. Eddie sometimes wonders if other people were actually able see it before he could. Were they just calling him gay because people do that, or because they knew? Like maybe he’s been walking around leaving a trail of glitter behind him without realizing it?

There’s no way of knowing for sure without asking someone, and since Eddie hasn’t technically ever said the word gay out loud yet… Presumably, Richie is aware that he is—even if that understanding is based on nothing but the fact that their lips are touching more often than not when they’re alone together—but Eddie hasn’t managed to work up the balls to even talk to him about the implications of being gay. Let alone the implications of being gay in Derry. Jesus, Eddie doesn’t even want to have that discussion mentally with himself, much less verbally with another person.

As soon as he spots Eddie, Richie weasels his way past Stan to cram in next to him. Stan rolls his eyes and gets pulled along into another row. Well, fuck.

Luckily, the museum is about a half hour drive from school, so Richie only has thirty minutes left to work his magic on upholding the streak of shitty field trips. The bus driver turns on the engine and Eddie realizes that he’s picked one of the wheel seats, which will ensure that his legs are numb from the wheel vibrations by the time they reach school. Awesome. Richie drops his backpack in between himself and Eddie, which is only notable because he uses its cover to grab Eddie’s hand where no one can see it. At the very, very least, Richie still remembers that subtlety is the name of the game here.

Not that Eddie really thinks the other Losers will care. That time in the sewers...everything they’ve been through together...Eddie doubts there’s anything he could be or do that would make them hate him. He could kill someone and they’d all just be like yeah I bet he deserved it and you need any help burying the body? He’s aware that he has the best friends on the face of the earth and that once he gets around to telling everyone about him and about them he’s probably going to feel a lot better. Hell, they might even already have guessed. He doesn’t know why he’s putting it off. He keeps telling himself next sleepover, next weekend, tomorrow at lunch and then backing out. It just feels so...daunting. Like—

“So, what do you think about blowjobs?” Richie asks Eddie, in a completely normal tone of voice. Which is to say loud. Richie’s normal tone of voice is very loud.

Jesus Christ.

“You wanna say that a little louder?” Eddie hisses at him.

“SO, WHAT DO YOU THI—”

Eddie clamps his hand over Richie’s mouth and gives him his most murderous glare. Richie just shakes his head and stares at Eddie with his best puppy eyes. Yeah, those eyes that Eddie used to be able to match with a dead-eyed stare and now they just make him feel all melty and gooey and shit because Richie really does have the longest, darkest, most beautiful eyelashes and his eyes are soft and—

Richie uses the momentary hesitation to lick Eddie’s palm. Eddie automatically draws his hand back in disgust.

“BLOWJOBS,” Richie shouts the second his voice is no longer muffled in Eddie’s hand. Eddie elbows him as hard as he can in the ribs and almost remembers to stop holding hands with him under the backpack. Almost.

No one even turns around. From the front of the bus, Mrs. Eisner calls back a vague “that’s enough, Richard,” but that’s the only response he gets.

“See?” Richie says, turning back to Eddie. Eddie wipes his wet hand viciously on the front of Richie’s shirt. “No one’s listening. Say whatever the fuck you want. I like you like you. You’re hot. I wanna suck your dick. See?”

He spares a single thought for Richie saying you’re hot. Did...did he mean that? Was he just saying that shit because he was trying to demonstrate that no one was listening? Like, does Richie really think Eddie is hot?

“So, what do you think about blowjobs?” Richie asks again, in exactly the same tone of voice he used the first time, which makes Eddie feel like if he’d just given a real answer way back five minutes ago, in a simpler time before he knew Richie thought school buses were an appropriate setting for sex conversations, then it would’ve been easier.

Also, Richie doesn’t seem likely to drop this topic anytime soon, and when he gets like this Eddie has found that the best course of action is to just grit his teeth and plow through the conversation until Richie is satisfied with his answer, after which they are typically able to move on with their lives. The last time this happened was a Power Rangers versus Ninja Turtles debate that lasted for forty five minutes. Hopefully they can breeze through this one before they get back to school, because Eddie doesn’t relish the idea of Richie passing him terribly drawn notes with diagrams of dicks and tongues during math.

So that’s what makes him decide to take a second and actually consider the question. Blowjobs and sucking dick are things Richie talks about regularly—not with any real seriousness, of course—but Eddie’s never given the idea too much thought because honestly? Gross.

He’s gotten almost all the way past the ickiness of kissing on the mouth and like, in the face-area—mostly by just refusing to think about germ transfer rates and mononucleosis—because Richie has made that worth his while. It took a couple months for him to really get the hang of it, but now they’ve got that shit down; Richie knows how to kiss Eddie’s neck to make him go jelly-legged, and Eddie can get Richie all red-faced and panting just by sucking on his ears the right way, and once they get going, kissing on the mouth is the furthest thing from icky. Eddie sometimes feels like there are moments where he will internally combust if he can’t kiss Richie.

So it’s not that Eddie doesn’t think a blowjob would feel good. The opposite, actually. Just...it feels like asking for some kind of nasty disease.

“Nuh-uh,” Eddie says, shaking his head and staring out the window as they pull onto the main road leading to the highway, “I don’t think I can like...do that. Dick in the mouth. Nuh-uh. Nope.”

“No I mean me give you one,” Richie presses. “I’m not afraid of your germs.”

Eddie bristles a little at that because it implies that Eddie is afraid of Richie’s germs which...okay, maybe he kind of is, but Richie didn’t have to say it. He knows that’s not really what Richie meant though—it’s not a jab at Eddie—he’s actually trying to be reassuring. Trust Richie to accidentally backhanded compliment his way into sex. What a fucking catch. And now he’s looking at Eddie with this earnest smugness, like he knows he’s going to convince him to let him do it and he’s stoked. But why does he even want to? Like, what’s in it for him?

Does he really think Eddie is that hot?

“Did you mean it?” Eddie asks, before he can stop himself.

“Totally,” Richie says, giving Eddie’s hand a squeeze under the backpack. “I’d take a faceful of your jizz over splashing around in graywater any day.”

Ew, what the fuck?!

“No,” says Eddie. “What is wrong with you? I don’t mean—I meant when you said I was…” Eddie drops his voice to a whisper, “... hot. Do you really think I’m hot?”

“Of course I do, dumbass,” Richie says. “Don’t you think I am?”

Eddie’s first instinct is to say no, dipshit, because “hot” is a word reserved for like...like Ethan Hawke or River Phoenix. Not people like Richie, who has been at peak teenage awkwardness for what feels like a decade at this point and looks to be in real danger of staying that way forever. He has terrible taste in clothes and the glasses and the crazy hair and as a package he’s just...so overwhelming, and that’s not hot. Not even a little. It’s—

“I’m just messing with you,” Richie says cheerfully, knocking his knifepoint-sharp elbow into Eddie’s arm. “Everyone knows you’re the beauty and I’m the brains.”

“God, I hope not. We’re really fucked if you’re the brains,” Eddie says before he can stop himself.

Richie snorts and squeezes Eddie’s hand in such a way that it makes a fart noise and Eddie yanks it out from under the backpack. He folds his arms across his chest and Richie spends the rest of the journey home trying to coax him back into holding hands. By the time they get back to school, Eddie is red with both embarrassment and suppressed laughter, and he thinks about how this kind of thing happens so often that he’ll probably never blush again without thinking of Richie.

As is customary on school nights, Eddie goes straight home after his last class. He’s not allowed to have friends over or go to the arcade unless it’s a weekend, which he used to think was because his mom wanted him to have plenty of time for his homework but now feels more like one of her arbitrary, controlling restrictions because she doesn’t seem to actually care all that much about his grades. It feels like it’s more about just...having him home while she watches The Young and The Restless by herself in the living room. Why exactly Eddie’s presence in the house improves this activity, he doesn’t entirely understand.

Richie took to sneaking in during the night years ago, which always makes being alone for the afternoon slightly more bearable. He’ll get on his bike after last period and turn to Eddie and say I’ll stop by your room after I’m done doing your mom, which is actually a polite offer for company in disguise. Eddie will either say if you really have to or I’ll make sure to put the lock on the door then and Richie has never not respected the answer.

Today he said it and Eddie told him to get lost because they’ve got an essay due tomorrow on the impact of our trip to the art museum and Eddie had had a feeling that writing it was going to require some premium-grade bullshitting. He’d been right, too; he didn’t get done with it until ten. But it’s not like that’s really what ate up his entire evening, because then he’d debated internally with himself for half an hour before caving and rewatching Footloose. By the time he’d brushed his teeth, put on pajamas (his warmest ones—reindeer-printed and made of fleece—because it’s chilly and it’s not like anyone is going to see them anyway), and gotten into bed, it was after midnight. So now he’s still wide awake and feeling kind of like he wishes he’d invited Richie over after all, despite the fact that he really should already be asleep.

It used to be that whenever Eddie said yes, Richie would come straight over after the sun went down. Eddie could always tell if they’d all gone swimming without him because Richie’s hair would be damp and he’d smell like quarry water and the grass at the top of the cliff, and he’d flop onto Eddie’s bed and get those smells all over his sheets. Those nights, Eddie would always go to sleep wondering if Richie was just wearing wet briefs under his shorts or going commando. He was never sure which idea he liked less.

Since this summer though, I’ll stop by your room after I’m done doing your mom has taken on a connotation that sets off a shivery, churning feeling in Eddie’s gut. Sometimes Richie will lean over and whisper it in his ear—sometimes he leaves off the last part too. I’ll stop by your room, he breathes out, warm air hitting Eddie’s neck, and Eddie bites his lips and goes all hot because it means that that night, sometime around eleven or midnight or so, he’ll hear a dun dun dun dadadundun tapping at his window. Eddie is still not sure if that’s a reference to Under Pressure or Ice Ice Baby and he honestly thinks he doesn’t want to know.

He’ll wedge a towel under his bedroom door to soundproof it as much as he can. Then he’ll lift the latch on the window and open it as far as it will go. Richie just barely fits now. A couple of years ago it was nothing for him to hop through, now he has to fold his long legs every which way and his skinny arms flail around and his big feet get caught on the other side of the sill and sometimes he whacks his giant head on the wall as he tumbles through. It’s never a quiet process, unfortunately; there’s always some swearing involved, and Eddie lives in fear of the day Richie looks at him from the other side of the wall, moonlight shining off his glasses, and says “well, fuckity fuck, I’m stuck.”

That’s a problem for Future Eddie to deal with though, because once Richie’s in, well. Once he’s in the room, those skinny arms are immediately wrapped around Eddie’s waist and the long legs bump into Eddie’s as Richie backs them toward the bed. And then they get there and...god.

Eddie turns over onto his side and fiddles with the sleeve of his pajama top, thinking about how if Richie were here, the shirt would be gone before the backs of his knees even hit the mattress. Richie is always the first to start taking clothes off—he does it like he’s starving for him—like touching Eddie is what he lives for and he can’t hold off another second. It’s...feeling like that, like someone wants him so bad...it’s kind of wonderful and powerful and scary.

Every time they do it ends basically the same—they take everything off and then they touch each other until they can’t anymore and their fingers are gooey and sticky and then Eddie has to shove Richie out of bed or he’ll fall asleep right there—naked and on top of Eddie for Eddie’s mom to find them the next morning. It hasn’t happened yet, thank God, but it’s a closer call every time because it’s getting harder and harder to kick Richie out after.

In fact, Eddie has taken to spending a worrying amount of time just sort of lying there and stroking Richie’s naked back or smoothing his hair over his head. After is always kind of awkward for Eddie, because he can’t think of anything to say that isn’t incredibly embarrassing, and silence feels weird too. So far he’s managed a that was good twice, which he was super proud of both times even though he also wanted to roll over and hide as soon as the words left his mouth.

Richie does not appear to suffer from the same affliction, because he always starts talking again pretty much as soon as he catches his breath, and Eddie is usually too tired to complain about whatever stupid shit he says. Richie’s pillow talk typically includes such topics as: an enthusiastic play-by-play of what they just did (during which Eddie always just mumbles please stop every few seconds), complete with commentary, which is as complimentary as it is mortifying; a detailed tactical gamplan of what they should do in the event of a zombie outbreak; who Richie would cast if they made a movie about the X-Men and for some reason wanted his opinion; and a ranking of his favorite types of candy based on the logistics of building an edible house. As long as he keeps blabbering, Eddie can privately enjoy that sick-happy feeling in his chest and put off kicking him out. If he’s being honest, Eddie just wants to hold him super tight and close and stay there until he can watch the sunrise illuminate the faded freckles on Richie’s nose.

Eddie snuggles deep down in the covers and thinks about his favorite parts—between when Richie squeezes into and out of his window—and lets himself relish in the fluttery, fidgety excitement that comes with the memory of Richie, shirtless and pale and glowing faintly red in the light from the numbers on Eddie’s alarm clock. The way his mouth looks after they’ve been kissing, soft and full and open, how his wild hair splays across Eddie’s neck when he bends down to breathe warm air onto Eddie’s nipples. His hands unzipping Eddie’s pants, rubbing him over the front of his underwear like he can’t even wait the two seconds it’ll take to pull them off. The way his back looks as he arches into Eddie’s fingers, the way his head falls forward when he gasps and the way he moans like Eddie’s mom isn’t literally two rooms over oh my god, Richie, shhh. The way he exhales sometimes, like he’s so turned on he doesn’t know how else to express it but with those shuddery breaths that almost sound like the ghost of laughter. Eddie’s whole body goes warm at the memory because it’s the hottest thing he—

And then it’s like Eddie’s brain douses him in ice water because it is. It’s hot. It’s hot as fuck and Eddie remembers that Richie asked him on the bus a few hours ago if he thought Richie was hot and he did not give him an unequivocal yes. And that’s obviously bullshit because Eddie was totally getting ready to start jerking off just now thinking about how fucking hot Richie is when he’s naked and they’re in bed together. Eddie had somehow been under the impression that hot is this kind of ethereal concept that only applies to celebrities or strangers, when hot has literally been sucking face with him for months. He is officially the biggest dumbass ever. Eddie wonders if there’s any other obvious shit staring him down that he hasn’t picked up on yet.

And suddenly Eddie cannot stand the idea that Richie might be sitting at home thinking Eddie doesn’t find him hot. It’s Thursday...well, technically it’s Friday but it still counts as Thursday night and there’s no way Richie isn’t planning on coming over for some sweet handjob action tomorrow night, but this can’t wait until tomorrow. And he can’t call, his mom will want to know why he’s using the phone at this hour and it’s possible that someone other than Richie might answer and then Eddie will have to come up with some reason besides I’m sorry to bother you at this hour Mrs. Tozier, but it’s an absolute emergency because I have to tell Richie right now that he’s hot and thinking about him naked gives me a boner.

Yeah, not likely. This situation calls for desperate measures, like an entirely unprecedented course of action. Eddie puts on his sneakers, throws on a sweater, and walks to his window.

If Richie can still get in, it’ll be nothing for Eddie to get out. He’ll just close the window most of the way from the outside, but not so much that he won’t be able to get back in. His mom might come in (unlikely, Eddie can hear her snoring) and find him gone and completely blow a gasket, but that’s a big might and the fact that he needs to see Richie right the fuck now is a definitely, so. Down he hops, quiet as can be.

It’s early December and fucking cold. Cold as fuck. Eddie hops back and forth from one foot to the other while he untangles his bike from where the garden hose fell on it and tries not to think too hard about how the frigid wind in his face is going to feel when he gets going.

The less that can be said about the seven minute bike ride to Richie’s house, the better. The word frostbite comes to mind more than once, as well as death by exposure. Eddie thinks it’ll be unfortunate but understandable if his dick decides never to make an appearance again; he’s pretty sure it has retreated up into his body for good. He can’t feel his hands but manages to peel his fingers off the handlebars nonetheless, leaning his bike up against the side of Richie’s house without bothering to hide it because, according to Richie, Richie’s parents are heavy sleepers. Eddie wouldn’t normally just take Richie at his word on something like that, but he figures they would’ve had to have caught their own son sneaking out at least once out of the hundreds of times he’s done it if it wasn’t true. Eddie walks around the back and looks through the curtains of Richie’s room.

Richie, wearing the same pajama bottoms and old tee shirt he usually shows up at Eddie’s in, is so deeply involved in Sonic that Eddie wonders if he won’t hear him rapping on the window, but he does it anyway. Dun dun dun dadadundun.

It’s Under Pressure, Eddie whispers to no one in particular. Richie doesn’t hear that or the knocking.

Dun dun dun dadadundun. Eddie knocks again, a little louder.

This time, Richie turns around. He does one better, actually: he does a double take and his jaw drops wide open, hair flopping into his face. He looks utterly stupid by any account and yet the first thought that pops into Eddie’s head is beautiful.

Richie drops the controller onto the floor to live amongst the general covering of junk that populates his bedroom before loping over to the window and opening it.

“Jesus Christ,” he says, staring out at Eddie like he can’t believe he’s here, which is kind of annoying because like...Eddie has a bike too. Just because it’s always Richie who appears at Eddie’s house in the middle of the night doesn’t mean Eddie isn’t capable of reciprocating every once in awhile. It’s just that it’s obviously nicer to get it on in Eddie’s room than in the garbage heap Richie inhabits.

Richie reaches out a hand to help Eddie clamber inside. He must have the heat cranked up full blast because Eddie starts regaining feeling in his extremities right away when Richie shuts the window.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I just needed to—” Eddie starts, then clamps his mouth shut.

In that moment he realizes that he’s just shown up at Richie’s house at one in the morning on a school night without warning, wearing fleece reindeer pajamas, sneakers without socks and a sweater, and he has literally no idea what he wants to say other than I just needed to tell you you were hot. Right now, apparently.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Richie demands, in what might sound like a normal tone of voice to an outsider, but Eddie instinctively recognizes it as being seconds away from abject panic.

Eddie looks up into his eyes and god damn, how has he never managed to see how insecure Richie really is? Of all the millions of things Eddie could be here for… He could’ve had a fight with his mom. Winston from the Sweet Valley High books that Eddie definitely doesn’t read could’ve been killed off. Eddie could just be horny. He could have a homework question—well, probably not that one because going to Richie for homework help would be worse than just not turning in the assignment and taking a zero—but a breakup? Like, that’s what he jumps to? A breakup? Really?

“God, no,” Eddie says, and then the next words come out of his mouth with absolutely no leave to do so from his brain. “Why the fuck would I do that? I love you.”

Richie sits down hard on his bed and just...stares. And Eddie a little bit wants to freak out because I love you sounds like a really big deal but like...is it? Is saying it that big of a deal? Feeling it is, maybe, but if Eddie’s being honest with himself, he’s been feeling it for like forever. He might not have always been willing to admit that, but if you take a dump in a toilet and call it a flower, it’s still shit. Saying it doesn’t change that.

“Actually I just wanted to tell you you’re hot,” he continues, fidgeting with the zipper on his sweater and still standing awkwardly by the window. That part comes out easier, probably because he just dropped a live one with I love you and nothing else he has to say could possibly be as enormous as that. “Cause on the bus, like I didn’t. But you totally are. Hot. You’re...hot. Like super hot, like…” Eddie gestures vaguely up and down with one hand, “all of you. Your hair and your back and shit—I mean, your...yeah. So I just wanted to tell you. Bye.”

And because every single word after you’re hot has increased his discomfort exponentially, Eddie feels like this is as good a time as any to make his exit. Actually, about fifteen seconds ago might’ve been better, but it’s certainly only going to get worse if he just stands there doing nothing, so he turns toward the window and prepares to bail. This apparently snaps Richie out of it because he gets up, still staring.

“Where the fuck are you going?” Richie asks.

“‘Why the fuck am I here, where the fuck am I going,’” Eddie repeats, one leg already out the window. It is so fucking cold outside and like, this whole thing was such a bad idea, Eddie wishes he could go back in time fifteen minutes just to smack himself in the face and tell himself to stay in bed. “Where the fuck do you think I’m going? I’m going home. It’s a school night.”

“Uh, no way,” Richie says, striding toward him. He wraps a hand around Eddie’s wrist. “You don’t get to say something like that and then just like fuck off. Nah, come back in here and let me blow you.”

Let him what now?! It takes a second for Eddie to make the connection—like why Richie is bringing that up—but then his mind presses rewind on the part from the bus when Richie said Eddie was hot and...right. The conversation was originally about blowjobs. Why do they always seem to have these important discussions about feelings in conjunction with sex stuff? At this rate, Eddie’s never going to have a cute story about their relationship that’s fit for mixed company. Like he’s gonna tell the others at a sleepover, so then I said “I love you, Richie,” and he was like, “that’s sick dude, lemme suck your dick.”

He’s about to say no because ew, but...it’s Richie. And Richie is looking at him with his big brown eyes and Eddie knows that Richie would be a hundred percent cool with it if Eddie truly didn’t want to, and if Eddie says not gonna happen, Richie will probably never bring it up again. But he can also hear the excitement in Richie’s voice, and it seems...crazy, like it’s crazy that Richie really wants to blow him that much.

“I didn’t say that shit because I wanted a blowjob,” Eddie tells him.

“I know,” Richie says.

“I don’t think I can really stay,” Eddie says, although he also pulls his leg back in the room and allows Richie to shut the window again. “It’s a school night.”

“Fuck yeah, it’s a school night,” says Richie, in what he clearly thinks is a California Surfer Dude voice, but it’s new to his repertoire and still sounds more like he’s having a mild stroke than anything else. He grins and gets straight to work pushing Eddie’s sweater off his shoulders. “Think about how tired we’re gonna be in first period tomorrow. I’m gonna get hard just looking at those bags under your eyes.”

“What the fuck?” Eddie whispers back to him. He shrugs his cardigan back on. “You say the weirdest shit Richie, I swear to God. Is think about how tired we’re gonna be in first period tomorrow supposed to be like, dirty talk? Because uh, that’s not sexy. I—”

“But you love me,” Richie interrupts, “so everything I do is sexy.” He yanks his own shirt over his head and smiles down at Eddie.

“Yeah, that’s not how it works,” Eddie says, placing both hands on Richie’s bony chest and trying not to focus too much on how good his skin feels because he is not going to get distracted by the lure of impending nakedness.

“Yeah it is,” says Richie immediately, sliding a hand up under Eddie’s pajama top. “We’re in love, so everything is like automatically a million times more sexy.”

“Oh really? What so...so, my...like when I had to shove Tylenol down your throat when you had a 102 fever last month? You find that sexy?”

“Hell yes,” Richie replies immediately, “you can play doctor with me anytime, baby.”

“Don’t you dare start calling me ‘baby,’” Eddie warns him.

“Try and stop me,” Richie laughs, and he pulls Eddie in closer with his hand on the small of his back. Fuuuck, no way is Richie going to let that go. Eddie hates the nicknames, but he knows it’s a losing battle because Eddie Spaghetti eventually got replaced with Eds and he can already imagine baby gaining ground on Eds. In fact, Eddie would bet his whole allowance that baby is going to eventually turn into babe. He can see babe sticking long-term. He’s just gonna have to get used to the idea.

“Oh, fuck me,” Eddie sighs, resting his forehead on Richie’s shoulder.

“Dude, I’m trying,” Richie says, grinning his shit-eatingest.

Eddie starts to giggle and has to put the brakes on it because he’s not getting sucked in. He’s not. He came here with a mission and he accomplished it. Just because it’s kind of making him die a little inside to leave right now doesn’t mean he can’t suck it up and do it anyway.

“I have to go,” Eddie says again. He stands on his toes and kisses Richie a little harder than usual, and hopes that Richie understands he’d much rather stay here. Someday, Eddie wants to tell him...someday they’ll finish high school. It feels like a million years from now, but then he knows he’s going to blink and he’ll be holding a graduation cap and a college acceptance letter. And Richie will be there too, holding...well, Eddie’s hand, at the very least. He really would get good grades if he applied himself, like all his teachers say, but Eddie doesn’t love him any less for his 2.7 GPA.

“Tomorrow,” Richie says. Eddie’s not sure if it’s a promise or a question. But either way, the answer is yes. If Richie wants to do what they usually do or… whatever else. Eddie’s down for it. One great thing about Richie—one of many, Eddie thinks—is how he doesn’t really try to force Eddie to stay. It’s kind of like when he goes to high five Stan and Stan gives him that please die now look, and Richie just immediately cuts his losses and moves on. He’s like that a lot. Eddie sometimes wishes he could just let shit go the way Richie does.

“Yeah, tomorrow,” Eddie tells him. “Definitely.” He can’t quite bring himself to say how much he’s looking forward to it—so much, so so much—but he thinks Richie can tell anyway. They lock eyes and there it goes, that melty feeling, like the first sip of hot chocolate after playing out in the snow. That’s what should’ve tipped Eddie off that he’s—that they’re—in love. It’s love or fever delirium. Either way, he’s such a goner.

Eddie steps away from Richie and turns toward the window. Once they finish school they’ll leave Derry and only be forced to come back for like, Christmas or whatever. They’ll get a dorm or maybe an apartment together—some cheap place in a horrible neighborhood, probably—and Eddie will eventually have to break it to his mom that Richie’s a lot more to him than a roommate, but it’ll all be so worth it because—

Eddie steps on the uneaten crust of a forgotten PB&J on his way to the window. This is it, the future he has chosen for himself. No one goes from being the kind of person who tosses sandwiches on the floor to a liveable human being in the span of a few years. Someday, it’ll be their room and Eddie will be getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and stepping in peanut butter, and he’ll have no one to blame but himself. He picked this idiot—this somehow super hot idiot—he went and fell in love with all that hair and those dark eyes. He fell in love with Richie’s knobby knuckles and his bitten cuticles too. And his strange, infuriating, perplexing mind. Richie never lets anything be boring. Eddie can look forward to an entire lifetime of being, at the very least, kept on his toes. If not literally, to avoid stepping in discarded food.

“You know,” Eddie says, swinging his leg out of the window and back into the icy wind, “I hope you plan on getting a good job, because I’m going to be stuck cleaning up after you as a career.”

Eddie only realizes when he’s halfway home that he just essentially admitted out loud to Richie that he wants to spend the rest of his life with him, which in hindsight makes Richie sound like a really smooth motherfucker for saying, “Nah, I was already planning on hiring us a housekeeper,” without missing a beat.

Eddie slams on his brakes and there, in the middle of the street in the freezing pitch-black night, he comes to his third Big Realization of today. This, Richie and him, it’s the real deal. The things he’s been thinking about—an apartment, a shared bed, a shared life—are not daydreams. They’re plans. Shared plans.

Eddie’s so rarely sure of anything—like how he used to think there was no such thing as supernatural, shape-shifting killer clowns—but he's always sure of Richie. He’s sure of how he feels about Richie, and of how Richie feels about him. Even the fact that he’s out alone so late and not panicking can be attributed to Richie. Eddie used to be afraid of being by himself and the dark, but Richie gives him courage just by existing within a ten-minute biking radius.

Someday isn’t soon enough, but living with Richie is going to have to wait. He can’t believe he’s excited about the idea of Spaghetti-O’s every night and yelling at Richie for leaving the heater on and brushing crumbs off his sheets before bed but, God help him, those things can’t come soon enough. Just a couple more years, Eddie tells himself.

Tomorrow isn’t soon enough, either. His teeth are chattering, mostly because he’s actively freezing to death but also from the almost tangible ache in his chest that started when he walked around to collect his bike from the side of Richie’s house and left Richie watching him from the window. It’s what Eddie usually does when Richie leaves his house and God, Eddie’s not sure how Richie manages to do it twice a week. It almost made Eddie want to cry. He still feels like he might cry. If he goes home and gets into his bed alone right now, he will undoubtedly cry.

It’s a fucking school night, but Eddie is rapidly losing his ability to care. He sits there on his bike in the middle of the road for a second before…

“Fuck it.” He shakes his head, smiles out into the darkness, and swings his handlebars back in the direction of Richie’s house.

#it (2017)#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #my fics #the greater fool

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thesundaymorningpost · 7 years

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The Sunday Morning Post

August 13, 2017 7th Edition

Current News: YoI Appreciation day, was August 11 & 12th.

“fandom-wide day of creator appreciation is a day (or in this case, a set of days) dedicated to showing how grateful we are to the people who create, and how much we admire their hard work and dedication to the fandom and to their craft. this includes but is not limited to the following medias: fic, art, graphics, edits, music, meta, translations, fsts, amvs, rpers, event organizers, and bakers.” - @katsukifatale

It’s been a couple days of love and support shown all around. Something that is especially important when the rest of the world seems to be having in a crisis of hate. Keep spreading the love and appreciation everyday!

Story Recommendations:

Pole-Mance by SeptiplierIsMyFire

When a 25-year-old MALE pole-dancer, Mark Edward Fischbach (stage name: Markiplier), starts another day in his sinful job, he's feeling meek. Problem with being a male dancer was, that he, himself, was gay.

However, he encounters one of his first ever man to be there during one of shows, and instantly feels infatuated with the fellow male stranger. He can't help but notice how broken he looks, and is shocked when he finds the 25-year-old, attractive, Sean William McLoughlin, had been lead here by his girlfriend and harshly dumped for one of the dancers.

Mark is greedy and quick-on-his-feet to woo Sean, just in time to catch him before he falls. Though with that being said, a relationship in which one would be flirted with by countless ladies on a daily basis wouldn't work; so Mark has to make a choice...

Will it be his work, or will he choose to quit and live happily with his newfound lover?

Pole-Mance is the kind of story you remember long after you've finished it. It was such a great love story, written in the most beautiful of words, that it's strangely one of the most underrated fanfictions in the Septiplier fandom. I recommend this for anyone who likes a long, feelsy story. - @introduceyourlipstominememecrew

Artist Spotlight:

Yuri Plisetsky by @eclair

Comic:

Groot #6 written by Jeff Loveness; art by Brian Kesinger (Click title to reblog)

Support:

This week’s Ko-Fi shout-out goes to Salmon @iamatrashfan (Click Salmon to donate)

Hello, Salmon's here. I'm a freelance artist who loves to draw stuff~

Zine: Terra Incognita by Main organizer: Yuuya @nakutan & Co-organizer: Kusid @kusid Unknown Land. A Yuri!!! on ICE fanbook about traveling and social media.

Redbubble: Juntwei (Click to Purchase) @juntwei

Fun and Games: Send me an Emoji by @goblintoast (Click title to reblog)

💌: I’d love to send you more messages and asks but you make me nervous!

😊: You’re sweet. You’ve made me smile before.

🙏: I’m a little afraid that you’ll unfollow me.

🔪: I’d hate to get on your bad side.

😶: I’m honored that you’re even following me tbH.

👾: Your theme is awesome!

🌄: GO TO BED.

💉: Talking to you or seeing you on my dash makes me feel better.

😐: I don’t understand half the things you reblog but I support you anyway.

🌑: You come off as cold, impersonal.

👒: You come off as very friendly!

🌃: I’d like to spend more time talking to you.

🎭: You sure do get into a lot of drama…

😄: I can always count on you to like/reply to my personal posts.

🍥: Your aesthetic is very streamlined. It’s clear you’re picky about the stuff you reblog.

🍬: You’re sweet, but I feel like I know very little about you as a person.

🐟: Your blog isn’t quite my “type.”

😅: I often worry about upsetting you or scaring you off.

😇: Every single interaction we’ve had so far has been positive.

🐱: You’re cute‼︎

🌱: I’d love to get to know you better.

☔️: You seem unhappy.

😃: I love seeing you in my notifications!

🐸: You act goofy.

💻: Are you ever not online?

❄️: Your BYF struck me as kind of harsh, but I followed you anyway.

😆: You’ve made me laugh out loud before.

💔: You’ve disappointed me before.

📺: We have similar interests!

🔈: We have similar tastes in music.

🌊: You have a lot of personality.

😀: I would consider us friends.

🎀: We have similar aesthetics!

🍳: This is an egg in a frying pan!

🎉: I get really happy when I see positive personal posts from you, even when I don’t fully understand the context!

😈: I know your secret~

🌴: I’m jealous of you.

✨: Could you, like, chill a little bit maybe? Like in general? Please?

🎶: I associate you with a specific song or musician.

👟: I feel as though you’re out of my league.

🐚: I find your blog very calming.

👀: I’ve vagued about you before.

🍰: I might recognize you if I ran into you on the street.

😂: I’m comfortable around you.

🌈: Sometimes I see your selfies and think to myself: “I’m gay.”

🌹: I wouldn’t mind going on a date with you.

😓: I’ve talked to you before and it made me a nervous!

👑: You’re vain.

📝: I know a lot about you just from following you on Tumblr.

🌙: You’re beautiful.

🍓: You remind me of someone…

😒: I honestly don’t know why I’m even still following you at this point.

😳: I’ve learned things about you that have surprised me a lot!

🐭: Please be kinder to yourself.

😑: -__-

👔: I think you’re someone who takes themself very seriously.

🍉: I wish we lived closer to each other.

🍭: You confuse me.

😮: I wish I could give you some advice.

💐: I have a crush on you.

😁: You’re a little awkward, but I find it endearing.

💕: I love you‼︎

👍: I like you. Just, in general. I think you’re a genuinely good person.

Story Prompt: “Look–I hate to tell you, but you deserve the truth… . Your cooking almost killed me last night.”

Art Prompt:

Opposite day! Draw your favorite character doing something, or wearing something completely opposite from their normal.

Fandom Week:

Miraculous fluff month! Beginning August 1st.

JJBek Week! August 19 - 27th.

Guang-Hong Week! Prompts will be put up for voting through Aug 15 and posted by Aug 21

Yuri on Ice Music Week! September 4th - 11th

NSFW Yuri Plisetsky Week! September 11th - 17th.

SeungChuchu Week! October 16th - 23rd.

Help Wanted:

Needed: Tumblr theme editor. Please contact Diamond Winters for details.

Story recommendations!! If you find a story that you absolutely love, and you want to see it get some recognition, please submit a link to it with a 2-3 sentence review of the story. This way it could get in the spotlight in a future edition of the SMP. Requirements are that it’s completed, or a one-shot.

Artist Spotlight!! If you find a piece of artwork that needs more love, please submit a link to it so it may be considered for future spotlights in the future.

WIP Motivation: Please send your support to these writers or artist to encourage them to continue their story or artwork. No good story or piece of art should be left unfinished. - If you know of a good story that hasn’t been updated in a while, and would like to offer encouragement to the author, please let me know, so that I can link to their story here.

If there is ever any section of the Sunday Morning Post that you feel you can contribute too, please send an Ask or Submit to either the SMP, or @d2diamond so that it has a chance at making in a future post. Thank you!

#The Sunday Morning Post #Writing #Artist #Fanfiction #Original Stories #gaurdians of the galaxy #Groot #Zine #RedBubble #Wattpad

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defunctblogtobedeleted · 5 years

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10/26/19 3:40 am - Inventing A New Ranking System For People

Alright I don’t know if it’s sexist since I’m bi (LOL Andi would hate when I called shit gay and say that it’s okay because I’m half-gay).

But I did a lot of brainstorming and wanted to show off my new rating scale.

1-10 is trash. We used to parody it by saying it was more efficient to just do Binary where 0 is you wouldn’t smash and 1 is you would.

There’s just no depth there.

The crazy-hot chart is at least a little better because it’s got two factors you’re assessing.

So Here’s what I’ve got for you today.

I spent that one night at Darlin’s watching her stream and drawing this picture because I kept imagining what it would be like to write down all my feelings and have her read about how much I loved her and how highly I thought about her and maybe she’d take me back. I came up with this scale, but didn’t draw that part of this page out until just now.

I’m glad I’m writing the official scale part and all the numbers now that I don’t really want Andi back. It all feels more honest, though the opinions haven’t really changed. One of the things I said to Andi when I was breaking off our friendship was that I felt shitty like I was manipulating her back into a relationship and not being real friends with her.

Honestly I don’t know if I could control myself to try to be platonic friends with her now. Probably not, I’m tryna fuck like everyone I hang out with LMAO.

But anyway, Andi and I loved DnD and so that was the inspiration for this scale. Forreal here it is:

So here’s the rundown. You’ve got your normal 6 stats on the left, Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma.

It helps to fill these out as well, because then you have 12 points of assessment.

For example, Andi’s digestive issues means that there is no fucking WAY she’d be able to pass a constitution check on poison, since she can barely eat most regular foods; hence she has a -2 in that stat. It also helps to remember that when you’re doing real stats that 18 is like supergenius and 20 is literally unachievable naturally so there’s no way you ought to give a real person much higher than like a 16 or 17 intellect.

Okay now here’s the fun part. My made up stats are Hobbies, Spontaneity, Mental Health, Sex, Beauty, and Status/Refinement.

Hobbies are what I consider to be the strength of a relationship. It’s how much you guys have in common with the things you like to do. On these stats I think it’s more natural to fill them out to a max score of 20. Andi gets two points off for not liking drugs and not liking fucked up shit from 4chan or videos where she gets grossed out like Me!Me!Me! but she was damn near perfect in terms of wanting to do stuff I wanted to do. Drinking, video games, sex? Yeah. got it.

Spontaneity is a subjective stat. One person’s SPO 20 is probably another person’s SPO 1, after all. You’d want someone in your life to be as crazy and willing to go out and do wild shit as you are, I’d presume. Or at least I do, which is why in terms of having Andi ready to go on road trip adventures across the country with me she didn’t quite hold up. I’d give her a -2 but she did fuck me in a parking lot the first night I met her. Really thought about giving her a flat stat just for that, but overall I think it’s negative.

Mental Health isn’t just a category for me to take a jab at Andi for having depressive issues, I fucking swear I’m not that much of a dick. Mental Health, or MHP, is a throwback to that Crazy-Hotness chart/meme/adage. You really do have to take into account if someone isn’t going to slice your ass with razor blades when they fuck you lmfao, or if they’re going to fight with you or fuck your friends any chance they get. Some people are just crazy and now here’s a stat for that. But alright yes, I am an asshole and took off points because Andi was depressed so much lmfao.

Sex + Beauty I like these stats being their own categories for the same reason that INT and WIS are different stats. Raw beauty is your natural 1-10 scale of hotness. Of course, it’s more accurate because it includes .5 decimals by going 1-20. I’d give Andi a 7.5 on my hotness scale, where 10s are like Natalie Portman, Britney Spears ~Toxic era, and Kimberly from the Power Rangers. So in DnD Beauty she gets a 15. She had perfect tits, a great ass, a tight stomach, a pretty smile, and legs for fucking days, man. Pretty fucking hot. For sex, I’d say you should rate someone on a scale from 1-18 normally, just because an 18 is the highest stat you can roll naturally before increasing your stats with feats. But then you can continue to add 1 or 2 if they actually have some mindblowing skills. Like if they give the best head you’ve ever gotten or something they can break into that best-in-the-world territory that a 19/20 stat in DnD is supposed to represent. That being said, Andi was one of my favorite fucks. She didn’t have unbelievable stamina on top and didn’t give a legendary blowjob. But she was ALWAYS ready to fuck. And so enthusiastic. And so sexy. And kinky. The only area she loses points from rolling the nat 18 is for kissing and for whatever was causing the puss flavor. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I really honestly think it was just because we were too lazy to shower most of the weekend though so I didn’t want to take a whole second point off for that.

And so that leaves us with Status (/Refinement) Status is a somewhat more nebulous stat, but I wanted to add a stat in for how classy someone is. Does she come from a rich family? Does she have money? Does she make more money than you? How is her taste in music and culture and art? Would you feel shitty not taking her out to a fancy restaurant? Like sometimes you have to acknowledge that you’re tryna fuck a hot piece of trailer trash. It’s fine, man. Like Mungo Jerry said In The Summertime, “If her daddy’s rich, take her out for a meal / If her daddy’s poor, just do what you feel.” It’s not a bad thing to not be classy. For starters I liked that Andi made a little more money than me, but she wasn’t rich enough to take me in and be my sugar momma 😂 I also didn’t think she had Great taste in anime and music, so she ends up in an above-average-but-still-kinda-middling stat.

And that covers it!

I hope this doesn’t make me the worst person ever. But I might start reviewing all the people I sleep with like this. I think it really demonstrates their appeal a lot more than anything else I’ve heard of.

Let me know if I’m the biggest piece of shit ever for this so I know not to do it though lmfao.

Also Andi, if you ever read this for some reason I hope you’re... flattered? I guess? I really hope you meant what you said when you told me I could write about you because... this is probably a lot. I really don’t think I was out of your league though, and when you looked at your porn pics of us and said you couldn’t believe your ass looked so good I hope you know you always looked great.

💕 It really was fun. Unblock me so we can be friends again. It’d be cool to chill now that I’m in a better headspace I think.

I was thinking about calling you when I finally got to this part in my catching up, but I want to give you your space. Forever, I guess. You always said you were the bad bitch Ex’s And Oh’s girl who would have your exes chasing you to the end of the Earth and I’m not about that chase lmao. But you were worth it. You were worth a lot more, to be honest lol, I wish I had gotten my shit together before we broke up instead of after. But you really convinced me to treat myself right, and take better care of myself in a way that nobody outside of my family has and you mean a lot to me for that. So I hope you’re doing well and I don’t want to do anything to fuck that up if you are, so I’m not gonna be that ex that calls you out of the blue that says “oh are you ready to be friends again, sorry for that shit I said.” Also because I’m not. But if you wanted to be friends anyway that’d be rad. 💕 💕

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actual-talking-trashcant · 8 years

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Do all the asks, if you have time. I'm especially curious about number 14 from the story time asks.

ask #2

Tattoos: What is art to you? Does it have an important place in your life? things that people make. yes

Soil: Something that you have grown from, or that has helped you grow. tbh my life as a whole

Dusk: Name something that captivates you. the sky

Ravens: What is something you are inexplicably drawn to? the sky, water, and skateboarding oddly enough

Natural curls: List some things that you like/love about yourself. at this moment in time not much

Zack: Describe someone you love. (Can be s/o, friend, family member, fictional character) i really love my mom. she cares all the time.

Pomegranates: Talk about something that is meaningful or has personal significance to you. music.

The Smiths: Share some artists, songs or albums that you adore. ajr, pwr bttms right now

Jars: Do you collect anything? If so, what do you collect and why? coins, money, boxes, instruments, books, regrets, metal

Mountains: Do you have any sanctuaries, or places you feel at peace in? my room, the youth room, sometimes trees i need to find a good tree

Hugs: Is there anything/anyone that helps keep you going on the really rough days? my mom, music

Caves: Something that terrifies yet also fascinates you? space, water, music, relationships

Mythology: Is there anything you have a vast knowledge of or enjoy studying? a good few things

Ruins: Are there any places in the world that you would love to see or visit? rome hawaii the gay parts of canada

Road Trips: What gives you that sense of freedom and adventure? walking alone at night

Megan: Is there anyone in your life that you admire? my mom

Bubble Baths: Where or in what situations do you think most clearly? in ones where i have a bubble of space and can think and are not about relationships

Evening Walks: Are there any things you do that put your mind at ease? music

Amy: Is there anyone in your life you would consider to be a kindred spirit? my mom

Crossroads: You are at the crossroads and there are four roads. The road going north will take you somewhere or to someone that is home. The one going east will be a long journey that you will learn from, a message will be given to you. The road leading south will be an epic, unpredictable adventure. The west road leads you down a beautiful path to a body of water, where you may bathe and heal from something that you have endured. Which road do you choose and why? in this moment I'm not really up to adventure so probably just north

Folk Metal: Tell me about something you get really excited about. music

Full Moon: Describe an experience you had that was somehow related to the moon. i was at my grandmas and i was just thinking about how i had wanted someone with me to see how nice it was so i was going to draw it but i never did

Live Music: Have you ever been to a concert? If so, what were some of your favorite ones you’ve been to? If not, who or what would you love to see? yes. I've loved all of them because I've loved the people that I've gone with. still pissed that i missed oh pep and i really want to see them.

Spill your thoughts

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? my mom03: Do you regret anything? probably

04: Are you insecure? yes05: What is your relationship status? single06: How do you want to die? hm. quickly ig07: What did you last eat? cookies that were not for me08: Would you want to know what happens in the future if you couldn’t change it? i think so because then i wouldnt have to waste my time09: Do you bite your nails? i used to a lot now i dont usually10: When was your last fight? dont remember 11: Do you like someone? i dont think so12: Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Why? i couldn't make it because i never sleep enough anyway13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? donald trump14: Do you miss someone? yes15: What would you see in the Mirror of Erised? (What do you most desire?) people around me16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? not much. not good17: Ever made out in the bathroom? i dont think so. I've been kissed in a bathroom and got a hickey in a bathroom though18: What are you afraid of? the dark. being left behind. 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? probably 20: Where was the last place you made out with someone? my bed21: What are your plans for this weekend? i went to wisconsin then i didn't do anything today except feel shitty22: Do you want to have kids? How many? adoption. as many as i can handle, 2-323: Do you have piercings? How many? no24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? i like science and math, though i never study either25: Do you miss anyone from your past? yes26: What are you craving right now? how i felt yesterday27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? maybe28: Have you ever been cheated on? i hope not29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? yes30: What’s irritating you right now? a lot of things31: Does somebody love you? my mom said she did a little while ago so32: What is your favorite color? blue33: Do you have trust issues? yes34: Who/what was your last dream about? dont know35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? people yesterday36: Do you give out second chances too easily? yes37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? forgive38: Is this year the best year of your life? no39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 14 i think40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? maybe when i was tiny51: What is one book everyone needs to read? I'm sure there is one but i can't think of anything52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? probably 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? watched too much skateboarding youtube54: Is cheating ever okay? i dont really think so55: Are you mean? i hope not56: How many people have you fist fought? outside of martial arts like maybe 257: Do you believe in true love? i dont think so58: Favorite weather? nice59: What is your perfect day look like? i dont know60: Do you wanna get married? i dont know 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? in any context at this moment no62: What makes you happy? music friends 63: Would you change your name? yeah64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? no65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? say sorry66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? not really 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my brother68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? probably rhys69: Do you believe in soulmates? maybe70: Is there anyone you would die for? yes

Clean and Simple

A. What makes life worth it? good question

B. Hidden talents? i dunnoC. Last book you read? frankensteinD. Are you seeing anyone? i dont see anyone right now because I'm alone and also noE. What color do you look best in? let me knowF. Favorite place to nap? my roomG. Last film you saw? boys dont cryH. Best advice you’ve given? dont do itI. How many languages can you say hello in? a few probably J. How often do you nap? not oftenK. Favorite fast food? meatheads friesL. Piano or drums? drums because i find piano really hard. both are hardM. First thing you ate today? i think a piece of brownieN. Best Birthday party you’ve attended? i dont know. ones with friends O. What’s your typical Tuesday? school soccer homeP. Celeb you’d most like to meet? kaitlyn alexanderQ. Weirdest phone call you’ve had? i dont normally call people R. Favorite memory? sleepS. Who gives the best hugs? this girl from my church retreat gave really good hugs and so do my friendsT. Sitting on laps or piggy back rides? as long as I'm not on topU. Best holiday song? white christmas is my first thoughtV. Last shoes you bought? no ideaW. What’s your skin care routine? badX. Coolest thing about your best friend? artY. What’d you have for lunch two nights ago? uhhhhh Z. Something kind you’ve done recently? i was nice to people yesterday

Story time

Put a number in my ask and I'll tell you about a personal story/experience with that theme!1. Happy story? when i got into my school

2. Injury story? I sprained my ankle running down the stairs on easter3. Funny story? me saying “i would eat- CELIA” 4. Scary story? i almost died under an inter tube 5. Random story? my dog and i breathe the same sometimes6. Sad story? my dog died from cancer my day off of school7. Secret story? (A story you have never told anyone before) 8. Infuriating story? when the varsity soccer coach acts nice but she is not9. Awkward story? i threw my phone in the closet after telling my friend i was gay10. Fun story? i caught a turtle because it bit me one time11. Self incriminating story? i stole $20 from my brother one time because he had more money than me12. Embarrassing story? i dyed my hair green and gold 13. Weird story? my friend opened my other friends photos and the first photo that popped up was a dick pic14. Oddly sexual story? I've only made out standing up once and it was not super serious. Also i almost stuck my hand down someones pants because i am competitive15. Face-palming story? “where do you wanna dye?”16. Food story? i like carrots and ketchup 17. School/college/work story? my mom is friends with my principal. its weird.18. Illness story? my brother got a concussion from snow tubing and he only had this really tiny cut19. Event story? (Something that happened at a public event) i got kissed but paid more attention to the music my friend didn't20. Boring story? today i watched 5 episode of bones

100 questions to invade my personal life

1. What's your middle name, and do you like it? jane, not terribly2. are you artistic? nope3. Have you had your first kiss? yes4. What is your life goal? graduate college, do something cool, get a nice house with bookshelves and a music room5. Do you have any expieriences with a famous person? I'm friends with this family who are in the tv and play industry and my nickname is nugget6. Do you play any sports? soccer, martial arts7. What's your worst fear? dark, being left8. Who's your biggest inspiration? mom9. Do you have any cool talents? music?10. are you a morning person? not really11. How do you feel about pet names? they're kinda weird but sometimes nice12. Do you like to read? yeah but I'm shit at actually doing it now13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life. glee and a few others ig14. Do you care about your follower count? no ( but i have 295)15. What's the best dream you've had? can't remember16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender? yes17. Do you have any pets? yea i have a beagle18. Are you religious? yes19. Are you a people person? sometimes20. Are you considered popular? i used to at least21. What is one of your bad habits? worrying about not working but not working but also not resting22. What's something that makes you feel vulnerable not enough clothes, no sound23. What would you name your children? gender neutral names24. Who's your celebrity crush? kaitlyn alexander? i mean i wanna meet them25. What's your best subject? english is easy but i like math and science26. Dogs or cats? dogs27. most used social media besides tumblr? snapchat usually28. best friends name rhys29. who does your main family consist of my mom dad brother dog30. Chocolate or sugar both31. have you ever been on a date? yes32. Do you like roleercosters? no33. Can you swim? yes34. What would you do in the event of an apocalypse? i would probably try my best to live or just give up and fuck someone (dealing with extremes i guess)35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder? yes. i still have to do intake for a therapist but its only at certain times and my mom has missed it a couple times36. Are your parents together? yes37. What's your favourite color? blue38. What country are you from/do you live in? us39. Favourite singer? tyler joseph i guess40. Do you see yourself being famous some day? not really but i wish41. Do you like dresses? no42. Favourite song right now? let the games begin or pitchfork kids43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? yes. but it needs to be talked about44. How old were you when you first got your period? i think 1245. Have you ever shot a gun? yes46. Have you ever done yoga? yes47. Are you a horror girl? god no48. Are you good at giving advice? reasonably49. Tell us a story about your childhood. i would count and organize coins instead of going outside50. How are you doing today? nope51. Were you a cute kid? i guess52. Can you dance? if I'm given something to learn53. Is there anything you do that you can't remember ever not doing?54. Have you ever dyed your hair? yes55. What colour are your eyes? blue/green56. What's your favourite animal? turtle57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself? yeah58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yes59. Do you have good friends? i guess60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group? hahaha yes I'm gay61. What's your favourite class? guitar is fun and i like physics even though its hard62. List all the tv shows you are watching. i just started watching bones63. Are you organized? some places yes, others no64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion? boys dont cry. i thought it was a little weird but it was an important movie for trans and lgb+ representation67. Which tv character do you relate to most? all i can think of is Lance and head canons i saw today68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness? knowledge, time, other people, situations69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing? learning and teaching about the environment and lgbtqia+ stuff70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die? i would probably procrastinate more and maybe learn how to like everything and probably try to kill myself after a while because everyone i loved would die71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you? id probably kiss more people who knows72. If you could start over, what would you do differently? dont get attached73. Would you break the law to save a loved one? yes74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new? i went to madison wisconsin a little while ago75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind? my mom, warmth, my dog, blankets and tv76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today? not much, absolutely nothing77. What did you want to be when you were a kid? pediatrician 78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking? i dont know i dont really have much in the first place79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have? when i shouldn't have distanced my problems 80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence I'm gonna go to college and maybe live with some friends and still play music81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like? i would have written 3 plays and a book, be in a band, get 5s in both ap tests and get all a’s and know how to ride a skateboard and be organized and my room would look nice and i would have scholarships already applied to. just a lot of things82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity? probably learn for a bit then just play video games or something83. How would you spend a billion dollars? probably save it or use it to keep my grandmas house. There are a lot of financial issues with that.84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future? maybe future to see if it gets better85. What motivates you to succeed? right now not much. my mom86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most? idk87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why? city. i like to travel to the woods but not live there88. Do you believe in life after death? i hope so, i think just dying would be boring89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they? I've had a lot of great teachers but i think davey inspired me to learn about the world and meacham helps me think about myself and others90. What’s your fondest childhood memory? lemonade stand91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why? alexander hamilton maybe so i could see what he was thinking when he did all that he did, and so maybe he could help us out and also see how gay he was92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy? depends on the day, probably something i would think is jesusy93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life? hm. i still havent learned how to care for myself but to be respectful of other people and to really think of things from an even standpoint.94. What do you think happens after we die? i like to hope it isn't nothingness95. What would you do if you would be invisible? pantsy a lot of people. maybe steal some stuff96. What's something you can't do no matter how hard you try? do my work apparently 97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring? nah 98. How did your first crush develop? friendship to wow i really miss this person99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it? a feeling of hatred towards myself, a feeling of confusion at a dynamic, a feeling of angst over my feelings towards relationships and the fact that i wish i could just figure what i want out100. Do you live or do you just exist? right now I'm staying at exist so i dont go crazy trying to live

alright i think thats it, i kept being pulled away and not being able to do this sorry

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