#anyway. these tags are not relevant to the post at all

[comradekatara]

> be zuko

> try desperately to ingratiate yourself within the avatar’s friend group (to no avail, of course, because you have terrible social skills, and previously tried to kill them, also)

> try to fight off the human wmd you previously hired to blow them all up

> fail miserably, because he is indestructible

> watch as sokka effortlessly kills him with a very precise boomerang throw to the brain

> suddenly recall every single time you got hit in the head by his boomerang

> feel immense gratitude for what you had previously dismissed as uncle’s obnoxiously stringent and paranoid over-emphasis on the importance of helmet safety

[bilbao-song]

(all credit for the original idea [and a significant portion of this text] goes to @quiet-beatle​!)

ho ho ho, classic rock fans! Christmas is coming and so is The Secret Rocker Santa project! if you are looking for an opportunity to make new friends who love classic rock, or just want to make someone happy, this is your chance!

** if you don’t want to see posts about this anymore: filter the tags #secret rocker santa and/or #srs23 — click here for an explanation of how to filter tags **

What is Secret Rocker Santa?

Secret Rocker Santa is a tumblr-wide “match-maker” in which you will anonymously send asks to (and hopefully befriend!) a tumblr user who is assigned to you. you will also be assigned to someone else, who will send anonymous asks to you. the event will run from december 1st through december 25th. while this might seem complicated, it’s actually quite simple, and you will only need to answer a minimum of two questions to sign up.

How it works:

you must read these instructions!

the deadline to sign up is november 28th. there are two ways that you can sign up: the first option is to sign up via google forms. the second option is to send me a submission (or an ask) with your completed questionnaire (found here). while the first two questions are required, you can otherwise provide as much or as little information as you want.

please reblog this post! (this isn’t a strict requirement, but it would be greatly appreciated and helps to ensure that enough people will participate!)

your ask box must be open to anyone! this means that anon asks will have to be enabled. if you want, you can wait until the first day of the project (december 1st) to change this setting, but please make sure you remember!

your blog doesn’t have to be classic rock-related, you just need to be a fan. (we will also be using a very broad definition of “classic rock,” so nearly any music from 1950s-1990s counts.)

(those are the main things you need to know, but more details + some helpful tips are below the cut!!)

shortly after signing up you will be assigned a number — you probably won't need it for anything, but it's a backup way for me to keep track of who is who in case we run into any problems :)

during the last days of november, i will be assigning people to their Secret Rocker Santas. you will receive a message from me telling you who you have been assigned to, either in the form of an ask or direct message.

you will start messaging the person assigned to you ANONYMOUSLY on the 1st of december and continue until Christmas (december 25th), which is when you will reveal your identity and (hopefully) have made a new friend!

you can send your partner whatever you want (as long as you do not reveal your identity). your job is to make your partner feel happier! (some ideas: send lyrics, pictures, or facts; play games, chat, and of course do things that are not only associated with classic rock).

be careful - make sure you are messaging your assigned partner anonymously.

please tag messages that you receive from your secret santa and any other related posts as #SRS23, so your santa will be able to find your answers more easily.

EXTRA REMINDERS:

some people might get more than one santa or will be assigned to more than one person, depending on how many people participate and how many suitable matches i have for certain people. if you are certain you will not be able to be a secret santa for two people, please mention this when you submit your form (you can also let me know if you would prefer to be a santa for two or more people! anyone who volunteers for this will get first pick if the need arises)

if you’re not committed to sending asks to your partner and/or responding to your santa at least a few (2-3) times a week, please do not sign up.

while the primary focus of this project is classic rock, any additional interests you list may be used as a secondary way of helping to find a good match for you. with that in mind, don’t hesitate to list any interests and hobbies you might have, whether they relate to classic rock or not! this will especially come in handy if there are many applicants who like a particular band, or if i am having trouble finding a match for you based on your favorite bands.

if your santa has not contacted you in over a week, message me and i will gently remind them or find you another one.

as a general rule, be nice! anyone who is rude to the another participant will be removed from the project.

make sure to answer all of your santa’s messages! you don’t have to answer right away, but don’t ignore them.

please let me know if you experience any problems at all (for example, if i have made a mistake, or you are having problems with either your own santa or the person you are assigned to)

if you are not already following your partner’s blog, you probably shouldn’t do it right away, because they might guess that you are their santa.

it’s useful to have an easy-to-find “about me” page or pinned post so that your santa will have a better chance of finding something to talk to you about!

please try to keep a note of who you’ve been assigned to, as well as your assigned number!

IF YOU CHANGE YOUR URL AT ANY TIME DURING THE PROJECT PLEASE LET ME KNOW. if you don’t let me know about your new URL (or otherwise make it clear that you have moved), i will not be able to assign matches for you.

please be patient! i will assign matches and answer questions as quickly as possible, but please keep in mind that i have other responsibilities too!

you don’t need to be following me, but i will be sharing updates here, so it would be a good idea to at least keep an eye on that page/tag.

please don’t hesitate to participate! this is supposed to be a fun, lighthearted, seasonal activity, and if you do encounter any issues, i will help you :)

ALL RELEVANT LINKS:

google forms sign-up

copy the questionnaire here (to sign up if you don't wish to use google forms)

paste questionnaire, fill out, and submit here

FAQ page

all future updates will be posted in this tag!

lastly, if you have any questions or want to ask for advice, do not hesitate to message me or send an ask!

please spread the word if possible! :)

[lucalicatteart]

Finally finished my weird hanging painting thing (originally a secondhand partially-done 'paint by numbers' kit that I found at a thrift store and kept to repurpose lol)! Imagery somewhat based in my own worldbuilding projects, and text written in my constructed language for one of my fantasy species, but also vaguely inspired by old tapestries and illuminated manuscripts and etc. I've never been great at neat clean patterning or text, but it looks cool from afar, and I always enjoy making "props" or things that are somewhat like real objects that might could exist in my world. :0

(additional pictures/info under the readmore)

-

Here's what it was originally! I probably didn't have to actually have a river running down the middle because it further makes the composition of the whole thing weird (various connected yet separate locations and things happening, instead of one unified event being portrayed), but I wasn't sure if I'd be able to fully cover up the already existing paint that was there.. and I can also kind of justify it by going with a more "all the imagery is just symbolic so it doesn't have to make exact sense" approach lol.. How is one half of the grass green and the other is suddenly snowy? shhhh.. it's not literal.. shhh...

Made a vague sketch, then painted over it, and then added more distinct lines in black pen. Center image first and border second.

The very last thing was the text, which actually took forever to translate because my conlang is still only like.. partially done, and some of the grammar is not worked out exactly how I would like it to be, so a few sentences I had to think about for a long time before just going "eh, this is probably not how I would do it if I considered it more, but I'll go with it for now" lol . I also am not entirely satisfied with all of the characters for the writing system, but again, it's good enough for a quick project, it doesn't have to be 100% accurate and perfect because it's a fake language that nobody knows anyway lol.

I thought about breaking down the text and translation here like I have for some of the tidbits of Avirrekava (the language) in things I've posted in the past, but I think it would take too long and is not interesting to anyone but me ghghj, so for the sake of getting the post out quickly, I shall not spend an hour typing All That lol.

The general jist of the writing though is that it's just about the Avirre'thel being cast out from the other elves, after abandoning their magic for immortality as a means to truly attain perfection (an important concept in elven culture), the usual, blah blah blah, but how it's Actually A Good Thing, because the gods are wrong and immortality is Cool actually and they like the shitty frozen lands they were sent to, so it's fine that everyone else is being a Hater about it lol

Lastly, here's a few photos outside in the sun to TRY and show the gold detailing actually shimmering or showing up! It really doesn't come through in photos, but there's plenty of little golden spots to highlight light or Importance.

Mostly the fire, the pink sparkle that represents magic, the red drop that represents blood, the light behind Inaashi's hands and head (common symbol for the elven religion/one of their main gods, shout out to anyone who read the ancient elven religion post and recognized that lol), the sun, and the symbol for the Avirre'thel/country of Navyete at the very top. I did a few other gold bits, but they're not highlighted because they're Significant, more just that it looked more symmetrical to have some gold on the border too lol.

Other things of note: The animals are not actually significant to Avirre'thel culture really, I just wanted to put a cat and a bird because I like them lol. (I also wanted to have a few funny looking creatures, as I was slightly trying to go with the 'in some old medieval painting the anatomy and perspective is very weird' vibe, though I think some of the other parts of it look too Normal to pull it off entirely). Same with the four leaf clover, which means nothing in their culture - but these are the only areas where stuff was just added self-indulgently .

Bligabata (giant cabbage that grows along rivers in Navyete) making an appearance! The architecture of the building IS based on actual concepts for ancient elven/older Avirre'thel architecture and metalwork. The Avirre'thel who's turning away from Inaashi/elves/magic and collecting blood, is doing so in a Special Bowl, as is part of their culture (collecting it in the hands, or just in a normal vessel would be disrespectful, they have Specific Bowls which is the only thing blood can be kept in, etc.).

The figure that represents Jhevona (and thus, a closer connection to magic, celestial imagery, etc.) is in weird ugly teal, which is not necessarily a color or design associated with them, as I don't have much common culture (like clothing) worked out for Northern Jhevona (who the avirre'thel would have come into contact with) yet, BUT everyone else is in more Typical colors (a northern elf in green, Inaashi in lavender + white + blue, an Avirre'thel in darker purples and reds).

Some things, like the four figures in the corners, and the two people + fish in the stream, do not currently have a meaning, but in-world they would.. Like, I could make up lore for how they're culturally significant and it would be true because I am god of the world, but I don't have anything currently. But just know.. they DO mean something, I just haven't decided it yet, maybe kind of fill in as I go, come up with a meaning later lol. Probably along the lines of an old myth from the ancient elven religion, a story, etc.

-

I don't know, probably other stuff, but that's my Trying To Keep It Short rambling for now lol. I'm just glad I finally finished this! For how vaguely sloppy it is up close (everything being completely freehanded, only used rulers once when doing the initial sketch and lining where the border should be + my hands are shaky + the canvas is bumpy + my handwriting is scratchy and terrible + etc. etc.) it still took a REALLY long time, even when not trying to make it all perfect. Especially if including the text translation + writing, which took like 3+ hours itself.

Maybe all the asymmetry/lack of things being centered is NOT because I was too lazy to measure anything, but is actually because in-universe, it's a practice illustration made by some young apprentice who has to work on little canvases for years before he can be trusted will a full sized mural or tapestry. It's his first week on the job! of course he's uncoordinated! don't laugh at him!!! lol

[zukkaoru]

so then talk about them instead of whining that other people are having fun with what they like. if those other ones are so interesting than make that content in place of behaving like a child because someone else is actually enjoying themselves.

omg guys look my first bsd fandom anon hate ask 🥰🥰🥰

[seaweedstarshine]

Hi! Long time no yap but I've been really bothered by this thing and I know you're just the person I can go to with this (even if we don't always end up agreeing at times).

I got into a tiff with someone in a comments section of a post that was about Amy (Which character do you think deserved to become a villain? or something similar). They brought up Amy's abuse of her boyfriend. I may have tried to defend Amy (key word is tried. I am officially rubbish at debating) but then I may have said something? Because they said that I (and apparently a lot of other fans) was excusing Amy's abuse because of her trauma. It got me stumped because isn't young Amy's treatment of Rory rooted in her trauma? Did I miss the memo where we separate trauma and abuse? Am I missing something?

That statement bothered me a lot because if there's one thing I never want to do it's defend an abuser. So here I am, humbly asking and hoping to clear the muddy waters.

Your really confused and disturbed moot, Tia 💌

TIA!!!!! Thanks for the ask 💌 , and I send you all the hugs.

Discussion of abuse, trauma, ableism, infidelity, and unhealthy relationship dynamics beneath the cut.

(First off… while I really appreciate your faith in my explaining skills <3 <3 <3 my passion for traumatized characters and mentally ill+neurodivergent rights doesn't make me especially qualified to fully clear muddy waters especially not knowing the full context, but I feel you, and what follows is my informed perspective!)

Speaking generally first, harm done in media is best examined by the impact on the audience, with a different lens than harm done to real people. While relatable experiences in media can be useful and validating and incredibly important, you can’t be “defending an abuser” when the abuse is fictional. It's actually normal for traumatized/ND/mentally ill people to project onto mentally ill villains, when villains are the only significant representation for those stigmatized symptoms in a media landscape that excludes and demonizes us simply for existing. RTD can't stop people who hallucinate from reclaiming the Master's Drums and projecting onto the Master, for example — 90% of the best Doctor Who psychosis fic by psychotic authors is about the Master, whether RTD likes it or not. It's not true crime.

(This is speaking generally. Amy Pond is very much not the Master.)

Abuse is a behavior, and there can be many reasons for it, but reasons based in trauma don’t make it not abuse (some forms of generational trauma can propagate abusive parenting styles, when the parent thinks abusive parenting is normal, or lives entirely vicariously through their child). This absolutely should not be taken to mean trauma correlates with abusive behavior; rather that abusive behaviors from traumatized people are more likely to present in specific ways.

Abuse is also a targeted behavior, based in control — not consistently displayed C-PTSD symptoms as seen in Season 5 Amy Pond through many aspects of her life. Mental health symptoms don't become abuse just because they hinder one partner from meeting the other partner's needs. Any life event can do that.

Without knowing the context of the arguments, this is the aspect of their relationship I've seen you talk about before (which I also feel strongly about), and what I assume is what you were debating? So, here I will talk specifically in regard to Season 5.

We all know Amy — she's never attached to Leadworth because she never wanted to leave Scotland, no steady therapist because none of them stick up for her, can't stick with one job yet her first choice is a job that simulates intimacy because her avoidant behavior (a known trauma response) isn't sustainable to her wellbeing. Rory knows her fears of commitment stem from her repeated abandonments, it’s why he’ll always wait for her, and it's why he blames the Doctor “You make it so they don't want to let you down.”, who apart from having caused a lot of her trauma, has actively taken advantage of her being the “Scottish girl in the English village” who's “still got that accent,” because he wants to feel important, so yeah, I think interpreting Amy's issues (and how Amy and Rory transverse them) as Amy abusing Rory indicates a fundamental misunderstanding of their relationship, as well as a misunderstanding of the (raggedy) Doctor’s role in Amy’s formative self-image (which of course she works through in Season 6, but I am sticking to Season 5).

Abuse is always based in control. That just doesn’t fit here. While Amy's detachment from her real life includes things like calling Rory her “kind of boyfriend” (which she is upfront about to his face; differing commitment levels isn't abuse, though it can be a relationship red flag for both parties IRL) — her Season 5 disregard of Rory’s feelings occurs only in response to the fairytale embodiment of her trauma. It's never a response to Rory; it's a response to the Doctor, who stole her childhood and led her by the hand to her death. She cheats on Rory with the Doctor in her bedroom full of Doctor toys, drawings, models, she made from childhood to early adulthood.

(And yes, like many repeatedly-traumatized people, Amy is prone to being sensitive and reactive. Take her “Well, shut up then!” line in The Big Bang; but given Rory responds to this by hugging her, clearly he doesn’t take it as her actually dismissing him. He knows her better than that.)

And by no means do I meant to imply this is fair to young Rory, poor Rory, who's left struggling with the feeling that his role in her life is in competition with the role of her trauma (aka the Doctor). But not every unhealthy relationship dynamic is unhealthy because of abuse. Labelling Amy's treatment of Rory in Season 5 more accurately isn't the same as excusing her harmful choices — but making mistakes is part of being human, Amy's mistakes are certainly understandable, and she works through them out of love for Rory.

If there's one thing to say about Moffat women, it's that Moffat allows his female characters the same grace that the male characters *coughTENcough* have always had, to hurt and struggle and make realistic mistakes and overcome those mistakes and to heal without being demonized.

Amy isn't perfect, but she is a fully realized character, and her story gives us a resonant depiction of childhood trauma.

[mantisgodsdomain]

The results are IN, and you guys are...

...going after our D&D game's most unconventional open relationship??? Okay, we GUESS. Your prize is lore about this lovely couple!

L2tM is... Moon, or at least some version of her. A story you know, perhaps all too well. Drowning in her own body, again and again, a tiny fragment of a god trapped between the ribs of her own body. Left alone, her story would have been much the same - a slow, painful decay, stuck in a fallen body.

Years of rot, waiting for a lifeline for a structure already collapsed, from a brother already dying. A heart restarted in something barely a step removed from a corpse. A slow march to death.

An iterator is a monument. A solution. A tool, for that which mortals cannot solve. A left-over artefact from a world long since gone, for a purpose already passed. A memorial for the dead, written in a language that the living cannot understand. Left unmaintained, a structure can do nothing but erode.

The only difference between a person and an object is the capacity to act. Lying in the remains of her own body, Looks to the Moon was a corpse waiting to be pronounced dead.

In any other universe, she would have laid there for years more. In this one, she was given a chance. An offer, an opportunity - the ability to wrench her heart from her chest, and to turn one, single, infinitesimally small fragment of herself mortal.

An iterator is not mortal. An iterator is divine, unchanging. Where mortal flesh may change a million times in a lifetime, an iterator is set from the moment it has made, its capacity for change infinitesimally small and made over an impossibly long period of time. An iterator is a mountain, an ecosystem in and of themself, the mind of billions and trillions of individual organisms, a landscape, a god in flesh and gold-wired cable.

An iteration is hundreds of billions of trillions of miles of fibre-optic cables, of void-fluid pipes, of microstrata and neurons that keep it functioning. A single organism, to an iterator, is a drop in an ocean - a trillionth of themself, if that, a gear so small as to be insignificant.

To grasp at mortality, they would have to slice themself down to bone and then further. To fragment themself to a single piece of marrow. To dig up roots so deep as to be part of the landscape, cut an oak tree to a single sprout of green. What mountain would

Looks to the Moon was a puppet and a handful of neurons, the last part of the corpse to not yet realize it had died. The mountain that had already crumbled had little fear of becoming a pebble, and the barest fragment of her left found no reason to refuse.

The iterator Looks to the Moon perished, and the slugcat crafted from her pieces took its first breath in her wake.

To be mortal was to be different. Things were faster, now, than they had ever been, more deadly, more thrilling - for she was now so small, now, so tiny that a single swat of the mind that had once been her could have undone her, so minuscule that even the slightest of creatures to roam her once-facilities could threaten her. She fumbled into life with clumsy paws, learning the cycle firsthand, life and death and blood and hunger. She stumbled into the inglorious world, into the remnants of her body, and she began to learn.

There was pain, sharper than she had ever felt before. There was hunger, gnawing its way into belly and bone. There was joy, and rage, and fear, and love, and every emotion in between, so much sharper than she had ever felt before. An iterator was holy, was sacred, was a church without space for the rote and inglorious - in her body of steel, she had had no capacity for any emotion as strong, any state as fleeting, any thought as paper-thin or temporary, but now, all of that was stripped away, life laid bare as a stripped copper wire.

He was inexperienced. But he would get better.

He would laugh. He would cry. He would experience near every emotion his new body could produce, running the range and then some, his new nerves stripped of any callous that age could have formed in face of a body that had never known the ever-numbing tides of immortality.

He would hunt. He would scavenge. He would die, over and over again, and he would learn with each death. The cycle ever spun, guiding him back to his body again and again - he wandered the halls of a corpse, and he found new joy in the remains of the old, that which was once his own body now so vast as to be incomprehensible. He would be wrapped by pole plants, devoured by lizards, trapped beneath rubble and pulled out by lanky-limbed arthropods that would strip the awkward limb of metal from his back with practiced paws.

They experienced the world, in all of its imperfect, jagged, messy facets. And they fell deeply, deeply in love.

To be mortal was to feel -- and they loved to feel, all the joy and hate and sorrow. To be mortal was to act - and they loved to act, to splash in the waves without a care or to feel the rusted metal beneath their paws as they climbed and leapt and ran. To be mortal was to live - and they, the slugcat, the living-thing, the beast-of-god's-flesh, loved simply living, flawed and chaotic in all of its beautiful ways.

They would polish their body from its rusted husk, spend their own skin to defend those who had once cared for them. They would gorge themself on food and drink they never could have dreamed of before now, a whole new sense they simply didn't possess before. They would learn new languages, speak until their mouth was dry and their throat hurt, basking in the camaraderie of new companions. They would discover the basest desires of their new body and set out to discover every new nook and cranny, novelty and connection in one. They would paint their paws with blood and pain and adrenaline, a thrill beyond anything that immortal life had ever offered to them.

And the life they so loved, the many delights and horrors in which they so indulged, would look back.

Inv, Enot, Sofanthiel, however many names you might call it - was a fickle thing, for it stood for the Cycle and the Urges, the inglorious truth of living, its highs and its lows. The Wheel of Fortune, come to earth, unpredictable and prone to indulgence in all the most base of the ways that their Domain spoke of, met a thing that was once a mountain, and that which had already fallen for life fell once more.

Their relationship is... unconventional. The short-lived and mortal can only pass the divine in strands, brief crossings of paths - and yet, Moon and Enot's would cross again, and again, and again. Though they're never joined for long, though they might seek out other partners or live other lives, they still return - past sense, past logic, past even the advent of reincarnation.

A mortal thing, no longer chained to the landscape of her corpse, Moon could have moved on, could have Ascended - and yet, she remained. To live an immortal life, now that she had tasted the ephemeral thrill of mortality, seemed a chain. She had lived as a tree trapped in a flower pot for ever so long, rooted within the landscape and yet never truly able to reach out and touch it, and now she had seen what it was to run and love and exist, and she could not return to the numbness, not now that she had tasted the light.

She cycled, once, her ties to her body finally eroding. Reincarnated, again, and then again, the ever-turning cycle of the world never ceasing. She lived, again and again and again, crossing paths with the god time after time, tying herself closer and closer to the ever-shifting mortal, until eventually she tied herself too tight to leave.

With this dating choice, you tie yourself to that which is life, and that which has loved life too deeply to ever truly die. Though this is likely to just be a brief fling for all of you involved - the timescale that Enot operates on is too great for anything to move beyond "brief", after all, and Moon has grown too restless to ever be satisfied by any one state - you may follow, but she will never remain in one place for long, and no matter how long you follow her tides, you cannot force her to stop them form you.

In this life, she may care for you. In the next one, she may not. Hopefully, you're the sort of person that's content with that, because if not, then this situation might kind of suck for you. Ah, well. Congratulations on the throuple!

[thatonecrookedsmile]

["So what can you expect in the coming months?"] ["…you never know!"] ["He’s always watching me..."] ["-I saw Mister Drew the other day…was meeting with that Connor fellow, holding some papers."] ["I think they saw me looking though…"] ["Just too many secrets being cooked up in the kitchen!"] ["If I didn’t know better, I’d say there was magic there."] ["A well calculated understanding between creation-"] ["-big things are coming!"] ["-and creator."] ["Massive things!"] ["That smile…"] ["..you just learn to go with it."] ["He’s always watching me..."] ["You just watch…"] ["I’ve got a good feeling something great is going to happen…”]

...

…How very interesting,such… knowledge.

{A message from Wilson Arch}

-----

Yoooo, guess who is having a birthday today. Me,obviously. :D

Oh, and Wilson too, I guess. If you wanna be THAT guy.

Remember when this video came out there were people who heard the voice at the end and thought the voice was either Sammy or the Ink Demon? Man, those were the days. However with all due respect, I'm glad neither case was right in the end lol.

On this day 5 years ago, "Unknown - April 14th" was posted on YouTube, which means it's been 5 damn years since we first heard from Wilson...

man, what a damn BABY MAN, am i right folks

It's interesting to think that even though it's been 5 years, we've only known who Wilson really is for 2 years now (or more appropriately, 1 year and 5 months of those 5 years). Of course, now, after BATDR was released, we know who he is and what his place is in the Bendy universe. But between April 1, 2019 and November 1, 2022, all we knew about him was that he…existed. He was someone - someone bad apparently - who sounded old and who would have some relevance in the plot of Dark Revival. And that's it. We had no name, no appearance, nothing. He was someone, but we didn't know who.

It's no wonder he was only referred to as "Unknown" by fans during these 3 and a half years.

In the end, I would say that this drawing is a mix of 2 things. The first being the result of an idea I've had for a while, which is basically making a drawing in relation to the original video/"unknown" tape, but this time with Wilson, since now we know it was recorded by him. Plus it's been 5 years since the original upload,5 years of Wilson. I think this would be the perfect time to do this.

And second, a strange kind of redux/homage/"final chapter" in this kind of "collection" of drawings I did between 2019 and 2022 all based on the idea of "the unknown weirdo from BATDR saying How Very Interesting Such Knowledge" and so on. All of them having other characters in mind in the role of the Unknown. And now, here I am, redoing this idea again, only with The Man Himself this time. The real Unknown. Now as the Known, so to speak.

Going back to what I said before, you can see this drawing as a kind of farewell to this particular idea that I've kind of repeated over the years, as I've now done it again only with Wilson this time. (Does this mean I'll never draw this concept/line of thought again? I mean, I assume so. But there's no guarantee I can't make something similar again down the line. Who knows what the future holds. We will see what happens in the next 5 years.)

But,yeah. 5 years of Such Knowledge™.

Have a good April Fools' Day.

(Also, there are still a few hours until the day ends where I live, so for me it's still April 1st, so yeah, this still counts)

[trashlie]

FP 217 (in which i scream from the rafters)

When I said I shan’t say anymore I meant in that post not tonight beCAUSE I WILL NOT SHUT UP TONIGHT. When was the last time I got a FP thoughts post out this fast?! Have I ever?! 

THERE WAS NO MORPHINE! THERE WAS NO MORPHINE!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS ALL SHINAE!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THAT PEACE AND CALM IS BECAUSE SHE WAS THERE, BECAUSE HE WAS ABLE TO ALLOW HIMSELF TO LEAN ON HER BECAUSE SHE STAYED BY TO WATCH OVER HIM AND WAIT FOR HIM TO WAKE 

IT WAS ALL! BECAUSE! IT’S HER!!!!!!!!!!!

“I thought you didn’t like the silence?” “I don’t... But I like this silence”

I DON’T LIKE THE SILENCE BUT IT’S OKAY IF IT’S WITH YOU. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve felt peaceful like this...”

I’M AT PEACE BECAUSE YOU’RE HERE

I’M GONNA SCUTTLE UP A WALL YOU GUYS!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

I was here going “okay u know what the morphine is probably making him calm but still surely the fact that Shinae is there is part of why he feels okay” AND IT TURNS OUT THAT’S NOT THAT FAR OFF AFTER ALL?! LISTEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNN WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?! NOL? BLUSHING?! NOL?! 

Like okay there is a LOT to unpack in this episode and I SHOULD go to bed soon but I want to try to spit out as much as I can while it’s all raw and bouncing around in my head because it’s just going to rattle around if I try to go to sleep ANYWAY. 

I... have so many thoughts about this episode and I’m just like a crow sitting on a wall cawing AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nol my boy. My guy. My dude. My problematic fave. You have just been awakened AAAHHHHHHHHH

NO BUT does this not tie in to what I was just yelling about - how Nol and Shinae exist in/are forged in these pockets of quiet, in these moments of still, they grow through the shadows outside of other peoples’ eyes. I once talked somewhere on here about how if you look at the Relationship Rectangle of Kousuke, Shinae, Nol, and Alyssa, Nol and Shinae are, arguably, the ones who share the most intimate/closest relationship - but they are also notably the ones who are are not seen. Meg was so surprised that Nol and Shinae were close enough that he had her number and tried calling her to find her at the black and white gala. Sure, of course, Nol and Meg aren’t close, how would she know. But we kind of saw a sense of this with Yui, too, who continually aligned Shinae towards Kousuke. Again, bias (and loathing lol) but the point still stands: nobody besides maybe Dieter lol are really quite aware of how important Shinae and Nol are to each other.

I mean, hell! Shinae didn’t realize it until she was left crying in the rain and Dieter woke her up to the fact that he had become a person Shinae loves, an actual, real friend. Nol sure didn’t seem to realize it, either, despite, yknow. gestures vaguely how everything went down lmao and even had to ask if she actually meant all the things she had said back there.

Nol and Shinae are the kind of relationship that just so naturally grows - at what point did she go from thinking him annoying to him being a friend? Even that isn’t so simple - she felt so much guilt when she saw him sitting outside after she went off on him during her lunch break and thought he’d sat out there the whole time feeling sad because she was mad lol like. IDK I love a really well-written, ever-growing relationship - when you can’t identify the moment a person goes from being a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend. Because that’s how it goes! And it just feels SO well-executed between them! 

The way Shinae took off running to go grab some stuff before she would go to the hospital, like she wanted to be ready immediately so she could be there. Shinae who HATES hospitals, who never liked them, who is reminded of her own worst experience in one, who just recently went through it again when her father was in the hospital, still rushing to go there because Nol is that important, because he means that much. 

Nol who was in a state of panic when he woke, clearly from his own awful past with the Hirahara Memorial (Yui) calming when he noticed Shinae. Nol who doesn’t like the silence, feeling comfortable and at peace, allowing himself to do something he’s never allowed himself before and leaning on a friend, feeling at peace for the first time in SUCH A LONG TIME. And feeling that way NOT because of morphine but because of WHO she is. Because she can bring him that calm, because she can bring him that peace

I’M GOING TO YELL FROM A ROOFTOP. 

THAT EPISODE THAT FLASHED BACK TO THE POOL FALL AND HOW NOL WAS WILLING TO STAY DOWN THERE AND NEVER COME BACK UP, BUT BECAUSE SHINAE WAS DOWN THERE, TOO, HE COULDN’T, HE HAD TO GET HER OUT. SHE SAVED HIS LIFE BY NEEDING HERS SAVED. ;A;

AND HERE, SHINAE (AIDED BY LIL BUDDY) AND HER FRIENDS FIND NOL WHEN HIS LIFE IS IN DANGER AND SHE’S THERE TO MAKE SURE HE WAKES UP, TOO. 

LISTEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT HUH? HOW CAN I NOT? JUST? LOVE THEM AND LOVE WHO THEY ARE TO EACH OTHER?!

That moment of realization, that frustration on his face, THE BLUSH. /HE’S FIGURED IT OUT/. HE UNDERSTANDS WHY HE FELT SO CALM, SO PEACEFUL, WHY HE WAS SO AT EASE HAVING HER THERE. HE KNOWS. 

It is SO FUNNY that we were just musing about this - like how Shinae has been getting flustered all night, her heart galloping around, and here he is, too, just. Reveling. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHINAE IS HIS COMFORT. ;A; I’m thinking yet again about how, when he found out he WASN’T at Hirahara Memorial, he turned his face into her more, like crawling closer in comfort. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

There’s so many other things to talk about, too, but I had to get this out first okay, I HAD to! 

I know fandom hates Rand, but if you’re here reading this lol you know that I’m a sucker for grey morality and that Rand is a frustrating fascination of mine because he made this mess but so many people have to lie in it. But listen, I had some FEELINGS. The fact that Jayce said Rand would carry that Bible everywhere, that it was like his good luck charm - and tucked inside are photos and notes from Nessa, including a photo of Nol the day he was born. THAT SHIT  HURTS. I don’t know how to express this well without... idk I trust that anyone reading this knows me well enough lol to know that I don’t absolve anyone of their blame just because I can sympathize.

And I DO. I DO sympathize. I’ve been saying it’s clear that Nessa was his true love - whether she was someone he loved before his marriage (clearly an arrangement) to Yui or if it happened afterwards. He LOVED her and he loves Nol, too, but he’s a man that doesn’t know how to express his emotions (in fact he has constantly tried to get Nol to be more like him and shove away his feelings), who has a vindictive and virtually law-less wife who can and will do anything she can to hurt him. So on some level I GET IT. He couldn’t be open with his love and affection for Nol. I think a part of him wants to be. That’s why he was so angry and said those awful things when Nol pleaded guilty - Rand was doing everything in his power to help him, to protect him in the only way he was allowed to and it was ruined. When he said he should have shipped him off to boarding school it wasn’t that he regretted having to raise this kid - it was that he regretted not doing enough to get Nol out of Yui’s reach. It was that he was greedy enough to want to keep his child near, this reminder of someone he loved, even though he knew he could not be the father he deserved. 

And it sucks because look how things have turned out for Nol. Look at how much he has suffered, how much he’s been hurt. He’s so certain his father has no love for him, only shame. He’s so certain his father takes care of him out of obligation, not love.

But all these years, Rand has carried around a photo of newborn Nol. The child he and the woman he loved fathered together. 

AND IDK it cuts me. Especially the fact that like... this was clearly Rand’s only comfort. This was the only thing that he could privately hold on to that brought him comfort and he made the choice to pass it on to Nol. Did he hope that it would comfort his son as it had comforted him all these years? Did he hope that it might convey all the things he’s been unable to say, all the things he couldn’t express? Idk it hurts me okay. It just. Idk you can be a shit father in a shit situation and I’m still going to feel sad that his choices have landed so many blows and ramifications.

I want to see the photos! I want to see what else is in there! Are there more notes? Did she write sweet letters about baby Nol that he can read? ;~; So many pages fell out of it. Did she tuck them back in or did she take them when she left? WHERE IS SHE GOING? At first I thought lmao maybe she’s off to find a vending machine to present him a little treat as a “sorry this isn’t a cake but you deserve to celebrate your birthday” kind of deal but someone else suggested she’s going to find Rand. I guess if she took the memorabilia maybe that makes more sense? Idk idk I like my cheesy little vending machine idea though lmaoooooooo 

I also LMAO love him making a dumb pun because ONCE AGAIN it just brings back that Yeonggi very much is a part of who Nol is. Just because he played that part of himself up doesn’t mean that isn’t a very true part of him. It also means that all of this - the way he’s spoken to Shinae this evening, the way he’s treated her - all of it is very much sober. It’s just. Him. Not playing up his dark, edgy “would you like me still if u knew all the things i’d done” Nol lmao. Not upbeat pushed to the limits Yeonggi. This is the truest, most raw Nol we’ve seen and it’s beautiful. I worry he lol might try to put up his defenses as a result of his realization, but if we’ve learned one thing about Nol, it’s that he is ultimately unable to deny anything regarding Shinae lmao 

Something else I want to touch on really quickly is Kousuke and that flashback.  "I need you to keep him from harming himself." "It'll be safer for him to remain here with you."

I know on one level Rand is taking advantage of a moment to group with Yujing (and Shinae...?) in that he cannot have Kousuke (and Hansuke) there to overhear. He has pointedly asked for Shinae to come to the hospital, and not simply because she’s a friend. Whatever Rand and Yujin are working on, she is a part of. Kousuke and Hansuke cannot be a part of that. Also, taking care of both your bleeding-out son and your in-shock son is not an easy feat for anyone. I don't think he's like, brushing this off by any means, he knows Hansuke is good hands, but my question is: "I need you to keep him from harming himself" is this... a thing that has happened in the past? Is it in any way connected to the night that Nol was sent away? I'm trying to think if there's been any times where Kousuke has seemed like a danger to himself in that he could/would harm himself. Possibly drinking way too much would count. But it makes me wonder if there was ever a time that Kousuke, perhaps with no recollection of it, did anything that could bring himself harm?

Back in episode 96, Kousuke called over Hansuke, and Hansuke made a little comment that "FYI I'm not giving you any meds" and Kousuke remarked that none of his modes of relaxation have worked since his run in with Yujing. Also "What do you do to relax again?" "You already know." "Do you think maybe they have become too routine they don't work as well as they used to?"

I'm just spitballing here but seeing Kousuke just shut down like this, and how it seems very much like the time when Nol was taken away (asking Yui what happened) just makes me Wonder A Lot.

Like, Kousuke is presented to us as a character who is very much in control of himself, and has a tendency to try to control the world around his own personal narrative. But we have also been shown enough to know that's not entirely the case, and that Kousuke's sense of control is very much a sort of coping mechanism because his reality does not entirely align with actual reality. I want to know more about the meds. I want to know more about what happened that night. As Kousuke's characterization unravels, we're beginning to see that HE is more unraveled than he's appeared (which is just very much the general case of everyone in here lol)

I JUST FEEL LIKE THERE IS SO MUCH IN THIS EPISODE AND I’M SORRY BUT I CANNOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS LITTLE NOL REVELATION quimchee is just. SHE IS FEEDING US. SHE’S GIVING ME EVERYTHING I WANTED 

Also last tidbits I want to point out:

Rand’s face just looks SO haunted. So tired. He just aged 20 years. Shiane’s imitation of him was uhhh.... pretty on the nose lol

Dieter’s little “some friends we are huh” comment really hurt. Like, Nol is an unstoppable force. Could they have made more of a fuss to make him stay and get checked over? Sure. Would it have changed anything, though? 

But also seeing the blood on his and Soushi’s hands.... wow that HURTS like. Fortunately we know Nol is okay (well. You know. As okay as he can be, all things considered) but still having to help your friend’s father gather your friend as he’s bleeding out all over you?! Isn’t that a little traumatic? Isn’t that HAUNTING? 

There’s also something so tender and sweet about Dieter being offered the option to go do whatever he needs to and still being concerned about Minhyuk and all the food ;~; He’s a good bean. I don’t know if there’s anything much to read into the whole “We’ll let Shinae go first” bit. Dieter is, yknow, aware of Nol and Shinae’s close bond, so possibly this is his way of giving her that space? I think it’s at any rate on the complicated side - Nol just. Leaves them and cuts off connection to all of them and then suddenly he’s at Minhyuk’s house and Dieter has to play mediator? SOUSHI DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE WAS THERE. JUST. BOOM. NOL FALLING FROM THE FLOOR ABOVE AND COVERED IN GLASS.

AND THEN SUDDENLY HE’S HELPING GET HIM INTO THE CAR, COVERED IN HIS BLOOD.

Jesus. Everyone needs therapy ;~; 

Also my god Kousuke’s face. He looks haggard as hell. Assuming he saw photos of baby Nol in that Bible, it feels like it undoes everything he and Nol just confessed and said. That affectionate, loving version of Rand didn’t exist? But what does it mean if he carried around a picture of one of his baby sons? 

Did he have anything about Kousuke in there? Had he already removed anything about Kousuke? 

IDK THERE’S SO MANY FEELINGS YOU GUYS pls join me in my wailing and yelling ;A; 

[todayisafridaynight]

would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol

i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki

[catgirlkirigiri]

Can I still get into Heaven if i kill myself?

[zurazakis]

i have the exact location where theyre sitting in mind however its hard to convey in shitty quality comics

first comic btw sorry i forgot to... add that

[nerdyqueerr]

Important poll

[teufelme]

You ever just want to talk about Bertl,

[hawkinslibrary]

friends ! we need to talk about the play

we know that it's supposed to be canon. we know that it "might hold the key to the end" of the show. we know it features several of the adult st characters in their high school years. and we know there will be heavy focus on henry creel. currently, performances are only planned for the phoenix theatre in london -- starting november 17th. not everyone will have the means or opportunity to see the play in person. i know i won't. as of now, there don't seem to be any plans for performances outside of london, or any plans for a digital release or streaming or anything

hopefully, that will change in the future. i assume the super important stuff will be touched on within the final season of the actual show, but making something with canon tie-ins so exclusive still feels wrong to me. that said, fans will be seeing this next month. there will be spoilers available, pretty immediately i imagine. i will probably be talking about the play and these spoilers and what i think it could mean for the show. i love spoilers. i love content. i can't help myself

anything i post will likely be under a read more. if you are avoiding spoilers or you don't care about the play, i will tag everything i post (or reblog) with the first shadow and the first shadow spoilers. if i'm trying to speculate on what it could mean for s5 (or posting about s5 in general), i will tag with s5 and st5 spoilers. i also tag everything potentially spoiler-y with the general spoilers tag. please blacklist or filter out any one of those to avoid such content !

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID: digital fanart of Luz and Eda from the owl house set after the season 2 finale King's Tide. The image depicts a crying Luz, sat on the floor and holding an acoustic guitar as if to play it. She's looking down with a frustrated expression, and a dark shadow is cast over her. Behind Luz and faced away from the viewer is Eda playing the lute and kneeling down. She's smiling and is drawn with lighter colours and lineart. There's a soft light coming from off screen illuminating Eda and Luz. The background is white, except for a minimalistic depiction of a floor, which is done with a peach gradient. End ID]

It's not time to make a change / Just relax, take it easy / You're still young, that's your fault./ There's so much you have to know

Things she never got to teach you

based on the HC of Luz having learned guitar from her dad, and me realizing how similar it is to Eda's lute. Perfect recipe for musical angst </3

[ehlnofay]

immediate follow-up to these pieces

The sabre cat lies in the grass where they promised to stay.

The grass there is tall, and they’re pressed flat against the ground, so from a distance they look like nothing more than a very bright-looking rock. Efri knows better – she sees them, walking the fields holding tight to Sissel’s hand, and she breaks into a run.

She calls a “Hello!” and the sabre cat’s head rises, and Sissel falls down.

She pulls Efri down with her, the both of them hunkering into the dry grass. When Efri looks her in the face she’s wild-eyed. “Efri,” she says through gritted teeth, “what is that?”

“My friend,” says Efri sheepishly. “I told you not to freak out.”

Sissel’s jaw works for several seconds. She’s got that bloody rabbit or feral fox look about her again. Her free hand is clutching at the grass, fingers digging down into the topsoil. “That’s not your friend, Efri,” she finally bursts out. “That’s – I don’t even know what that is!”

“Sabre cat.”

“That’s not a sabre cat! They’ve got those teeth long as your arms! That’s something else!”

She’s being a little bit rude, but Efri can’t really blame her – Efri was a bit scared too, when she first met her friend. And both of their houses have just burned down. Of course Sissel’s jumpy.

(Efri’s still not feeling upset like she should be. The thought doesn’t make her want to cry – it just feels logical. It’s just true.)

“That’s just a rumour,” Efri says loftily. “They don’t really have teeth like that. And this one’s nice, promise, they’re not going to hurt you. They’ve never even ate one of my goats.”

Sissel’s staring. The whites of her eyes almost seem to shine in the beginning of the evening dark. Her face is mottled pale. She yanks her hand away from Efri and curls up in the grass and dirt in a little ball.

“You’re going to get your dress extra dirty,” Efri warns her, but she doesn’t move, so Efri leaves her to calm down and goes to talk to the sabre cat.

They’re waiting, ears pinned down, looking quite uncomfortable. They peer at Efri accusingly.

“That’s my friend Sissel,” she tells them, rubbing her thumb in circles over her stick. “Sorry she’s being a bit rude. She’s upset. Her house burned down.”

The sabre cat chuffs. They still don’t look best pleased, but they flick one of their ears up.

Efri says, “Mine too.”

Sissel’s staying in a ball in the dirt. Efri faintly registers that she’s beginning to feel hungry.

Efri jabs her stick into the ground. “So. I had an idea. Do you want to go to Winterhold?”

Her friend stills. They draw back, posture wary, a low sound in their throat – but their ears turn to face forwards. Efri thinks that might mean they’re listening. It’s hard to tell, most of the time, but she thinks that’s what that means.

“Because you always get excited when I mention it,” Efri continues, turning up turf with the bottom point of her stick, “and Sissel and me can’t really stay here. It’s all burned down. And Sissel’s great at magic – did I ever tell you that? – and that’s where the College is, up north, and if we go there then she can learn. It would be hard to go by ourselves, but if you’d come with us, then we could all help each other. We could all go.”

Sissel’s still on the ground. The sabre cat stands up, flicking one of their paws.

“Do you want to come with us?” Efri persists.

The sabre cat leans down and thunks her gently on the head with their chin.

“That’s not an answer,” Efri says. They sniff at her.

It’s hard, because this is an important conversation, and it feels very one-sided. At least when Sissel argued the idea she could make points Efri could refute. The sabre cat just lashes their tail and looks doubtful. (Why won’t they just agree? Don’t they know that Efri’s trying?)

Efri sighs and turns back to crouch down next to Sissel. “I’m trying to explain the idea but I don’t know if they like it or not. Can you help?”

Sissel’s arm slips down off her face. She looks at Efri balefully out of the one eye that’s visible. She doesn’t speak.

And Efri gets it. She knows it’s a lot. She knows it’s a weird plan and a weirder day and she knows Sissel is probably upset about the houses and Jouane and how she had to hide under someone’s porch when a dragon came, the right amount of upset, as upset as Efri should be, and she knows Sissel clams up when things go wrong and she knows this is how they always do it, Sissel small and frightened and Efri the strong friend, the one in charge, coaxing her out of her head and making plans and making it better, she knows all of it. But.

But her throat still hurts and her legs are still tingling and she’s tired of trying to be positive, strong, the one in charge.

“Sissel,” she says, voice grating and croaky, “I’m trying.” And she’s not crying exactly but her throat feels stiff and she’s hungry and tired too. She drops her stick and sits next to Sissel in the dirt. “I’m trying. I don’t know what to do.”

Winterhold makes sense. It’s a place both the others want to go – she thinks, at least. And Sissel would do well there, she can learn, she can stop being afraid. And she just needs to get out, get the both of them out. They can’t stay here, not after this. Efri can’t stay to watch the town get rebuilt when something inside her has been clamouring for what feels like forever to tear it down. She can’t stick it out, counting down the months until she’s reached whatever arbitrary age is old and responsible enough to leave, soothing Sissel each time she gets hurt and nobody does anything to prevent it, staying stiff and silent at the dinner table. She hasn’t talked to her parents in the last week, been out in the mornings before they wake up and not back until the lights were put out and they were abed. There’s a rage knocking around inside her at it all. She can feel it like a stone deep in her stomach. She doesn’t want to be angry any more than Sissel wants to be scared. She wants to stop it now before it gets bigger.

She was just trying to find a solution. She just wanted things to be better for everyone.

Dimly, she recognises Sissel’s hand on her shoulder, her arms around her. She’s sitting with her head in between her knees, the stained orange fabric of her smock stretched out against her face. She can hear Sissel’s voice, soft and unsteady, but she’s not talking to her.

She looks up.

The sabre cat is standing just a little in front of them, low to the ground, cautious; Sissel, gripping Efri’s shoulder tight, is talking to them. “She says you want to go to Winterhold.”

They nod very slowly.

“Um,” Sissel says. “Do you want to go with us? I don’t think Efri wants to go back.”

“Do you want to go back?” Efri mumbles. Sissel’s hair is tickling her face.

Sissel shakes her head. “Just don’t know if it’s smart, is all.”

The sabre cat sighs, long and low, and nudges Efri’s scrunched-up body with their paw. Sissel breathes sharply in – but of course Efri isn’t hurt, and she relaxes.

“I don’t know what to do,” Efri tells the both of them.

Sissel squeezes her tightly; the sabre cat sighs again and prods their head a bit under her leg. It doesn’t really work because they’re so much bigger than she is, but they do it again, and again, till Efri gets the message and the girls pull each other to their feet. The sabre cat lets Efri flop over their neck, same as before, and it isn’t until Efri’s adjusting her position that she remembers, mumbles, “My stick!” Sissel picks it up from where she threw it to the ground and passes it up to her. Then, nervously, Sissel climbs up over the sabre cat’s back too, wrapping her arms around Efri’s waist for balance.

“I know you don’t like giving people rides, so thanks,” Efri whispers to them, her fingers curled into their long tawny hair, and they chuff and start walking.

They end up at the cave, of course – where else? It’s well dark by now. Sissel sparks a light in her palm, casting an eerie glow over the damp cave walls, and Efri is delighted to see that the goats are all still there – or almost all, after she does a head count. “Good,” she praises them, slipping off her friend’s back, and feels a pang when she thinks that she’ll probably leave them behind. She’s never too attached to any in particular – they’re livestock, after all – but the herd as a whole has been her constant companion since she was four or thereabouts. Basically a baby. She’ll miss their snuffling, cloven-hoofed presence.

They light a little fire there in the cave, Efri and Sissel gathering and stacking sticks for it. Efri’s fire-flint lights the sparks and Sissel, though she hasn’t learned yet how to make a flame out of nothing, helps them grow.

Efri finds some nuts in her pocket and shares them around. She and Sissel savour them, crunching them into little pieces; the sabre cat swallows them whole. She doesn’t give any to the goats; they’re chewing aimlessly on the moss and don’t seem to need them.

They all lie down, then. It’s still early but it’s been a long, long day, and it’s warm and comfy with the fire going. The sabre cat lies down, and Efri and then Sissel lie against their side – they make a rumbly noise like a purr, which is a bit funny – and then even the goats come and lie with them too, little hoofs and horns digging into Efri’s legs. It shouldn’t be comfortable, and it isn’t, but it really, really is.

Maybe they’ll go to Winterhold tomorrow. They’ll talk about it.

Efri thinks, half-asleep, that her parents probably haven’t even noticed she’s gone – she’s out of the house all the time they’re in it, and now they don’t even have a house to meet in. She wonders if they’d forget about her like they seemed to forget Onmund. She wonders if she cares.

Onmund is there, at Winterhold, at the College. If she goes there she’s almost sure to see him. Does she want to see him?

She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know how she feels about anything today. Maybe she’ll know tomorrow.

Efri closes her eyes. Against the rise and fall of her sabre cat friend’s ribcage, with Sissel’s knees resting in her lap and one of the kids rubbing the side of its face against her bare foot, she falls asleep.

They’ll sort things out in the morning.