#anyways for context. bc i absolutely need to remember this over time

[margaetyrell]

btw sorry i’m done talking about it but. i really can’t stop thinking how funny it was that 1. i make a post two days ago confessing my hate on inthaf 2. someone compliments my url and i proudly say that i won’t ever change it 3. right away, the person behind THE literal inthaf url offers me this one, which is basically a dream to me. and i’m just???? lmao my life is surreal in a good way sometimes, ngl

[verdart]

I made the unfortunate decision to comment on a tiktok saying

"Blitz has every right to doubt Stolas' intentions and I will di on this hill defending Blitz"

Which made me actually realize in the context of Stolitz how much the fandom vilifies Blitz.

Upon rewatch I realized that he is actually kinda innocent lmao. So here comes the rant hop on in Verda rants at 4am again train.

The thing is first of all we need to work our media literacy muscles. So Stolas stans who think he is a uwu babygirl that dod nothing wrong repeat after me. "Blitz didn't watch "just look my way", "owl in a cage" or any other Stolas longing scene that we cried over"

Now that thats setteled I don't want to hear any "he is trying" bs because as of now (pre full moon s2e8) he hasn't actually done anything that Blitz is aware.

Lets start from the top my initial comment was about how Stolas treated him for so long before actually catching the feelings and how Blitz has a right to think he is not genuine.

Up top lest start with the condescending pet names and I won't be hearing Blitz cant be mad at that Stolas does it bc he thinks he likes it... jesus okay s2e1 when stolas starts the imp dirty talk what does blitz do a) encourage him b) get naked and dtf bc that was hot, c) shuts him up

Ding ding ding C. Stolas can still take this as bedtime play sure but we have a case for Blitz not liking it from day one. Other than that we all know he views Stolas' (perhaps in his mind endearing) pet names as condescention.

Secondly even if we ignore the power imbalance Stolas is the one to suggest the transactional fucking... s1e1 even tho in the forst time it was Blitz's doing, sorta. So don't at me saying well Blitz just uses him for the grimoire, like girly duh that was the premise. But Stolas also uses Blitz. Imo lending a book vs fucking in payment is a bot excessive but for Blitz's case beggars cant be chosers.

Now to the elephant in the room... Ozzie's. Does Blitz invite him (Stolas) purely out of selfish intentions that has nothing to do with him? Yes. Is he a dick? Yes. But Does Stolas hide his fucking face when he has a reality check? Yes. But then y'all be mad bc Blitz pulled his hand back.

That night Stolas was read once, Blitz was like at least 2 times... if we don't count the stuff for Stolas by proxy. He was having a hard night bro. And after Stolas invites him he is like no and Stolas respects that. Which if the show didn't add s2e2 in between it wouldve been a perfect stepping stool to get the Stolitz on healthy communication territory but that didn't happen.

I cannot for the life of me pin point when Stolas genuinely falls for Blitz. If its from day one damn it took him long enough to understand what he was doing was wrong.

Anyways we as fans can't be mad at Stolas because we know he is starting to understand the absolute power imbalance he created and the position he left Blitz in. He has realized that the thing is lets remember and repeat "Blitz is not watching the show with us". Blitz doesn't know of this sudden change of heart.

Now to adress a few meaningful interactions we have after ozzies. The fucking pixelated phone texts from s2 western energy.

Stolas apologizes but in that way that I look down upon. "Sorry if" like girl own it up anyways Blitz brushes it off and Stolas instead just goes hehe I didnt care either. Yall need relationship therapy my god. Important thing is Stolas was trying to reach out. But instead of going anything I said that made you upset etc he could've actually apologize properly for getting ashamed. Tho Blitz should also apologize for inviting him on a date for his own gain but thats another bag of worms I won't open tonight.

Other than that he has put off seeing him and doing the transactional fucking for a while. During those times. And as we know from all the phones Blitz breaks after talking to Stolas and hearing hus dirty talk he isn't too excited about. We don't exactly know if he comes or not on those nights. But he is also showm to be quite comfortable in s2e2 with the "my dick is good but its not that good" comment so maybe they do continue the arrangement... idk. Either way we know they haven't really talked.

All I am saying is that both parties of this ship are guilty af of hurting eachother and taking advantage of eachother. But as the power house of this power imbalance, Stolas needs to be held accountable. And he is doing that now!! Or will, in s2e8 and I can't wait to see how that goes. Overall, I can see totally why Blitz shuts down any signs that Stolas might actually be into him. He has a good bunch of reasons too. And as far as we've seen from the trailer we will get to hear him say it out loud as he should.

[italicized-oh]

📓!!!

hiiiii sorry this took me so long to get to! i had some Irrational Fear to deal with. but i kicked its ass so we're back, baby

all right. look. we all know i have religious trauma. and so a Very large part of me wants to go back to make me an instrument (the v distorted reality fucked up timescape flashback experience jace has post-death and/or post-shatterstar). and i probably will if anyone else wants to read it lol. but!

as far as something i haven't written yet but have just been noodling on. i'm v v curious about what an amnesia fic would entail for any combo of zarajaceporter (or if i'm gonna janelle-bait then. any clone combo too). like we've done a lot of tropes so far and i am in Absolute Undying Love with every single one of them. but unless i've missed it i think it would be v v fun (and also evil) of me to write either porter or jace losing their memories post-fhjy finale. the whole coming back wrong thing, but like. coming back wrong 2: electric boogaloo. oops no memories of the One Meaningful Event that tied us together. of the years of devotion and manipulation and salvific fantasies and. well. scorching hot sex.

idk who it would be worse for in which role, but here's some initial thoughts below.

if it's porter who comes back w oops no memories. then jace is all alone w his trauma (unless zara's there but even then. she wasn't ensared by porter like jace was). like. he's carrying the weight of knowing porter, knowing porter-rage-god, and knowing this. not shell bc it's still v much porter. but it's somehow not the same porter as before bc this one knows something is missing. and lives with a hollowness inside him that makes him so, so fucking angry (at ankarna, funnily enough. some things never change). and he's so deeply in love with jace all over again, but jace has decided that This Time he won't fall into bed/love w porter again.

if it's jace, though. ohhhh boy. i almost feel ashamed of how brutally naive he would be all over again. if you're a jaceclone enjoyer, think j2's whole deal. like. do we watch him fall for porter all over again? does this jace inherently distrust porter for some reason unknown to him? does this jace know why porter looks at jace like porter's expecting jace to stab him or mind sliver him at any moment? does this jace even care? like, idk, it might actually be good in a twisted kind of way, because porter gets a do over and jace doesn't have to have literally been consumed and used up by a rage monster. hmmm. i don't think jace is angry, though. i think he's secretly relieved, because context clues and the haunted look in porter's eyes are plenty. he doesn't need to remember (bc in my heart and my headcanons jace is at his core a coward. not in a really derogatory way, just in a. that man has no spine. only under the Most Extreme circumstance will he stand up to someone.)

anyways tl;dr: amnesia fic featuring so, so much pining, theorizing about what it means to come back wrong but at least you came back, and the question of whether it's better to remember or not remember the years of your life when your mind and body were not your own. oops now we're into my trauma personally so im gonna end it here. hope this entertains! <3

[ask-the-totally-real-peppino]

Hello, i'm cheese anon's evil (not really) alter ego, theorist anon and i've come here to tell you my theory or uhh... actually personal hc of what happend to bruno (headcanons are like theorys but less fancy shut >:[), (i tweaked it a bit to fit your context just a tad better as i have some ideas with how you portrayed bruno (or well part of him))

SO. First of all i have to say i liked the uniform you gave bruno, very cute tbh, but more than pizzeria it's giving ice cream or candy shop thb, not that is a bad thing just saying so uhh fuck it pizzeria no more he runs an ice cream shop now in me mind

OK WITH THAT OUT THE WAY NOW WE FR THIS TIME.

Ok so. Once upon a time this italian guy called Bruno runed an ice cream shop with his wife, pizzahead saw how succesful they were on their own and said "shiiid imma need that" so he made a deal with the happy couple. BUT then he tried to bribe and trick them into giving up pretty much all rights to uhh.. i don't have a name for the ice cream shop actually lmao, just think of amything. anyways, they said no bc the ice cream shop was something they hold very dear to them, they have been saving for this for literal years and risked it all to get it running so who would want to give it all out like that really? But pisshead can't accept a no for an answer so what did he did? He just killed them in the spot. If they aren't gonna sing these papers might as well just kill the guys so they stop growing you know? He cannot afford ANY sort of competition (even tho he sells horrible pizzas and they are a fucking ice cream shop). But then he realizes "shit i fucked up imma get sued" so he just tried to recreate bruno using his brain as a base, couldn't replicate the wife tho, he accidentally shot her in the brain without thinking he would have to clone her too oops.

Anyways they go thru the cloning process but uh oh the clone isn't perfect, guy doesn't even remember who he was. The solution? Lie that they sold their shop and flew out the country with the money without telling anyone, aslo they changed their numbers you cannot find them ^-^. Btw the shop closed down literal months after he "acquired" the shop, the ice cream was bad it tasted like pizza :(.

That gets us to today, pizzahead now found some new guy to torment and since he had the clone laying around he just kind of managed to make it change looks so it can look like peppino and then used them as a boss on his tower.

Ok i'm done talking :] hope you like this mess of a theory imma go, cheese bitch wants to take control again mkay bye was a plessure to speak to ya'll <3

(Ohohoho, Theorist Anon! What a delight to read!

I cannot confirm nor deny your theory, but I will say that part of it is pretty spot-on! And it's generally an interesting story regardless!

Just some silly and goofy pizza man absolutely snapping and killing a couple bc he's a jealous bitch, and then he goes 'whoopsie daisy' and remakes one of them, and uses them to torment another guy??? Incredible

If dear Cheese Anon allows you to return, I'd love to read any more theories you have! (And I will continue to smugly grin as I do not confirm nor deny them)

ALSO, I totally get the ice cream shop vibes from the outfit, not intentional, but it is very funny to imagine Pizzahead taking over a non-pizza related place and making bad pizzas or pizza-flavoured ice cream!

Who knows! Maybe the tower warped Bruno's Ice Cream to Bruno's Pizza, bc it is Pizza tower and not Ice Cream tower hehe

Also, Pep does love ice cream, but that's maybe unrelated!)

[eggs-can-draw]

So I am currently undergoing the most ridiculous writer's block ever? So here's a cut part of the Despair Disease AU bc I have nothing else to offer :D Context is basically the night before you're infected w DD, you get this nightmare that's so drastic it can mess with your whole thought process, and that's why victims get strange personality changes? idk man I just needed a reason to give Makoto trauma Technically spoilers for the Danganronpa 3 anime? Plagiarised the scene from it, but changed bits to fit context wise Anyways time to skitter back to the void Have a nice day everyone :D - Scamp Anon

(When Makoto falls asleep, he finds himself in the darkness. He’s dreaming, but he feels strangely awake. He's never had a lucid dream, but he guesses that this must be what it feels like. He glances around, because there’s a nervous energy stuck to him, a persistent buzz in his ear. Then, a soft glow begins to emit from him. Too weak to shed the place with brightness, but strong enough to illuminate the terrors.

 Silhouettes of his dead friends surround him. Their expressions are blank, eyes glazed over, and their bodies deformed. Makoto gags, nausea filling his stomach at the gory sight. You killed them all. He sees spears, fire, blood, blood, but he can’t even be horrified about them, because his eyes catch onto the only moving figure.

“Naegi!” Sayaka smiles sweetly, and Makoto’s heart drops. He takes a sharp breath, but his chest is tight, and he can’t swallow the lump in his throat. Her voice is honey, sugary and teasing, but the taste is bitter in his mouth. The knife is still in her chest. She grins, her eyes empty. Please, I can't breathe, please- “You’re such a liar! Remember you swore to get me out alive? What happened there?”

"I trusted you! I should’ve known better than to put my faith in a liar!"

Liar. The word echoes in the void of his mind, and for a second, it isn’t even acknowledged. It floats around him, like a wisp of vapor, a broken promise. He doesn’t breathe. 

And then it reaches Makoto, and everything hurts. He stumbles to the ground, his knees buckling beneath him, as if hands latched onto his legs and yanked him to their level of hell. He can’t even hear if anyone says anything next, because all of his senses are overwhelmed. He only sees red, crimson and flowing. He only tastes the metallic, sticky warmth that comes from blood, blood that he’s guilty of spilling. A sound rings in his ears, over and over, a scream, a chant - Liar, liar, liar-

And everything is clear once more. There’s no one around. Maybe there was no one there. He laughs, the sound filling the emptiness, and it’s more of a raw sob than anything. Makoto’s alone, because he’s a liar, and a failure, and that's all he'll ever be.

Then Makoto wakes up, grinning with tears pricking at his eyes, and all he knows is the part he’s been given to play. There’s nothing but one crystal truth in his hazy state of mind. He was cast as the liar, and he’ll give the best damn performance he can.)

HOH. HOOOOOOOOH. GOOD SOUP GOOD SOUP BESTIE. THE VIBES OH MY GOODNESS. ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE PUTTING THIS ON MY FRIDGE

[man-made-object]

really should've posted this earlier but anyways i have a question

you don't need to read past this to vote but if you do it gives a lot of context. would normally cw this due to being about The Bruise (only the first paragraph has the bad shit; i gave a tldr for this paragraph bc of that) but i actually want people to see and vote on this

how my leg is (contains 2 explicit mentions of self harm)

i'm actually gonna correct myself from the last post, in it i thought my bruise is currently at a stage 3 but rereading definitions it's not, it's still stage 2. i wanted to not mention this but i feel like it's extremely important to say i felt this while i was harming. i do not just feel this randomly. just so we're clear. but earlier i felt pain shoot through a couple bones (one at a time). i'm really concerned about it bc i feel like i shouldn't feel my bones, y'know? also in general it's extremely hard to get up and start moving immediately after resting for a while. granted i've always been resting for more than 30 minutes but i'm sure after any point i get up i'll be limping like i fucked with it all over again

tldr: stage 2 bruising, concerned about severity (depth i guess), hard to move around

how work is

the other thing is that i haven't gone to work in 2 full weeks (insomnia/morning vertigo combo from not having meds left). which is just 4 days but i get paid every week so that's 2 missing paychecks. i love my pathetic little $80-130 paychecks :( but to be fair when i'm there i'm on my feet all day. but i'm also genuinely worried about losing my job so i feel like i should go regardless :')

hospital tho...

if i go to the hospital it's for getting the bruise and leg checked out first of all (doctors can't really do shit for bruises but at least check my bones since i felt them). and maybe get some med refills from her since my psychiatrist and pharmacy both kinda fucked me over this month. and we can also finally talk about my thyroid levels. i'll hopefully remember to get a doctor's note for this week at least, idk if they'd tack the other two weeks on there too or not but it'd be wicked if they did.

however: due to going in for a self harm thing (and the whole "being off my meds" thing) there may be a chance that i get put in a psych ward. which... not ideal, but it's a risk i'm willing to take

there are currently like 6 appointment spots for tomorrow in the chart up for grabs but idk the results yet. if i'm going i'd either have to drive myself (an hour there and back, the bruise is on my driving leg) or get my friend to drive me (absolutely no clue if she's busy or not tomorrow).

[rikyos]

@raikuro  / @regaelia sent   :   👫.         /             for four headcanons i have about our muses relationship     (     currently   accepting     )

we’ve    spoken   about   kazuha   happening   upon   tomo’s   sister  /  his   youngest   brothers   and   being   so   struck   by   the   resemblance   and   i   feel   like   we   went   back   and   forth   on   it    ???   idk   i   can’t   remember   but.   if    he   does   know   of   their   whereabouts   and   current   situation ,   when   he   asks   sara   to   sell   off the   kaedehara’s   remaining assets   and   donate   any   money   it   may   be   worth ,   he   will   reserve   a   sum   of   that   money   for   tomo’s   sister   because   they   both   know   that   she   could   probably   use   it   and   he’d   like   to   hope   that   it   would   give   tomo   some   reassurance   knowing   that   his   brothers   are   doing   alright   under   her   care.   tomo   shouldn’t   be   carrying   all   of   the   guilt   that   he   is   but   if   kazuha   can   do   anything   to   take care   of   his   family ,   he   will.

kazuha   drawing   eyeliner   on   tomo.   the    same   vibes   as   the   lesbians   doing   makeup   pic   i   know   you   know   the   one   and   share   my   vision   OKAY   anyway.   it’s   already   very   established   that   kazuha   likes   to   fuss   over   tomo ,   patching   up   his   wounds   and   doing   his   hair   and   all   of   these   little   things   he’s   perfectly   capable   of   doing   himself   but   this   is   slightly more   self   indulgent.   he   won’t   do   a   perfect   job   of   it   but   it   doesn’t   matter.   tomo   already   has   such   searing   eyes   and   he   wants   to   sharpen   that   up   even   more.   he    just   thinks   it   would   look   good     (   and   he’s   right.   )

after    escaping   inazuma   kazuha   slept   with   tomo’s   scarf   every   night.   it   was   a   huge   source   of   comfort   when   he   really   needed   it   and   he’s   attached   to   it   enough   that   he   doesn’t   offer   to   give   it   back   after   they   are   reunited.   maybe   he   will   allow   tomo   to   wear   it   for   a   little   while   at   a   time      —      but   that   is   only   so   it   can   smell   like   him   again.   it    was   absolutely   soul   destroying   not   being   able   to   do   anything   about   that   last   vestige   of   tomo   fading   away the more he clung to it. 

adding   a   screenshot   for   context   on   this   one ( twice bc tumblr makes everything ugly lmao )   but   when   kazuha   returned   to   inazuma   he   did   go   back   to   that   shipwreck   and   dig   up   the   notes   they   left   there   in   a   different   lifetime.   he   adds   on   to   what   he   wrote   for   tomo ,   then   burns   the   letter   and   lets   the   sea   claim   it.   the   same   way   he   talks   to   his   father ,   because   it’s   so   abhorrently   unfair   that   he   should   get   to   think   back   on   that   night   and   know   what   tomo   wrote   while   tomo   would   never   have   that   opportunity.   it’s   a   promise   that   they’ll  soon   finish   what   tomo   started.   if   they   ever   get   married   he’ll   tell   tomo   what   it   said      (   before   and   after   he   returned   )     but   until   then   it’s   a   rare   secret   between   them   because   trying to address   his   grief   is   such   a   vulnerable   discussion   for   them   both.         

[marionsravenwoods]

I guess you can call me the 3am Mike cutter anon and I’m aware of like his seasons so idm spoilers.

I was going to ramble in the tags of a gif set you did for innocence because I had some Thoughts about the episode but decided against it. My main problem with Emily was that how. How did she NOT tell Mike that he was missing some credits?? Like? That’s so,,,I mean it’s understandable that some credits will fall through because Mike transferred from 3 colleges and different colleges have different standards (I went through that when I transferred to my uni from community college. Good god my uni didn’t have the foreign language I took. Anyway) but like it should be on her to tell Mike. And to use it against him,,,tbf he did kinda bring it on himself for supeona’ing student records and sure use any means necessary but I felt like that was. Going a bit too far. Was he going after the intergreity of Emily’s clinic? Yeah but with good reason (pretty sure a student bribed that witness with money + booze can impair one’s judgement). Did Emily had to bring in Mike’s law license into this? No not rlly. Idk at least Mike kept his law license but 😬😬 god.

hey 3am mike cutter anon! sorry that it's taken me so long to respond but boy am i glad to see you back in my asks again! :)

spoilers for l&o S20E16 "innocence" under the cut:

i am 100% with you on this—i've said it before and i'll say it again, in that episode MIKE DID NOTHING WRONG. sure, like you said, he arguably gets too aggressive going after the clinic with the subpeona. BUT, let's remember the context—emily ryan was trying to overturn a legitimate trial verdict, all of the potentially exculpatory leads were investigated (by lupo and bernard—we see this in the first half of the episode after ryan's first challenge), and there's good reason to believe, as you mentioned, that the "exculpatory" witness was unreliable/bribed. Grade inflation is a potential motive for that behavior, so even though you could argue it's still a bad look for mike, it's not mike's job to play nice if it means putting a homophobic murderer out on the street.

even if you do think mike was going too far, it was absolutely unnecessary for emily ryan to try to tank his career over it. everyone keeps accusing mike of making it personal, when it's emily who made it personal to begin with. she's the first one to make a direct comment to him about "proving" that he still has his chops, to try to "beat" her. she essentially attempts to blackmail mike out of subpeonaing the records, and when he doesn't back down, she punishes him just to show that she can. on top of it all, in the scene at rikers at the end of the episode, she gaslights him by insisting that he was the one who started it. (oh really, emily? she literally says "now let's see if you really did learn something from me" when her first retrial request is granted!!!!!!!)

she's the one who treats it like a competition from the start, and does so until the very end, trying to negotiate a plea deal for a guy she clearly doesn't even believe is innocent (don't get me wrong—i know the whole job of a defense attorney is to be a tireless advocate for whomever they represent, even if they're guilty—but by the end of the episode, she's entirely forgotten the point of the innocence coalition, which is to challenge wrongful convictions, and i truly don't believe she thinks Stuber's conviction was wrongful by the end).

i know credit mishaps happen all the time (like what happened to you, and hell, my mom was missing half a credit when she was supposed to graduate from high school and her counselor just approved her anyway bc it was dumb to make her repeat a year over half a credit), but as his advisor, that was literally her responsibility to him, to make sure everything was in order, and if not, to give him time to fix it. then to hold onto that information to save it for a "rainy day", when she needed to stick it to him..... it's just evil. maybe she was envious of mike's talent in college, maybe she just genuinely fucked up and didn't want anyone to know that she had fucked up, and then saw an opportunity, i don't know. but i do think that in any case, she was mean and vindictive in a way that i don't think mike is (and i definitely think in a way that he evolved a bit away from by that point in the show).

on the bright side, ryan doing that did do two things: one, it meant that mike no longer had that secret hanging over his head anymore and no one else can use it against him (his convictions were upheld and he only got a reprimand from the bar), and two, it proved that he actually does believe in justice over winning or making himself look good. we see in the final scene that he's willing to give up everything—including his law license—to make sure this hate murderer goes to prison for what he did ("you can have my license! it'll free me up to testify about the hate speech your client just spewed in here."). that's something that i don't believe emily ryan ever had the guts to do.

ANYWAY, once again, mike cutter did nothing wrong, and i would like to fight emily ryan in a chili's parking lot.

thanks for dropping by again, 3am mike cutter anon! feel free to send me any more 3am mike cutter thoughts in the future! :)

[bookofmirth]

hi! sorry to come into your inbox with Gwynriel since I know they are not really your preferred ship, but I just love your insights!🙈

I really hope they will be endgame and I can't wait for their story to be told, but I am also anxious about it... What I mean is, since the series is transitioning into adult, there is a lot of pressure from the audience for the sex scenes (esp. with Sarah dropping the bomb of Az being a freak in bed) and I'm afraid the sex will be rushed between them, before they are (at least somewhat) healed and ready. Their interactions right now are just so healthy and wholesome. 🥺 and personally I would hate if they would go into a Nessian kind of "just sex" arrangement (honestly this was so annoying in acosf!! "Thanks for the ride Nes" ?? ouch Cassian... 😑).

I would love a friends to lovers plotline for them, they both have severe traumas and need healing first outside of a romantic relationship - especially Az! I'm not worried about how Gwyn's trauma will be handled bc I'm sure Az will be the most patient, understanding and attentive lover, I'm just worried that if the sex comes too early on it will mess up their overall dynamic if that makes sense 😅

I honestly can't handle another Nessian where it's painfully obvious they are head over heals for each other but they are in denial for half a book claiming "just sex" 😫 Also if Az pulls a "you are better off without me" I will scream 😑

I hope they will build a very solid friendship first that can transition into love, but I think that would take a bit of time. I wouldn't mind waiting for the sex scenes between them and them not jumping into it like Nessian. (I have this headcanon where Az goes to a pleasure hall in the beginning of the book to get his freak on to get it out of his system a bit 🤭)

Anyways, so I just wanted to hear your thoughts on this - do you think there will be pressure for the sex, since now the series is considered adult?

Many thanks and have a nice day!

Hello! Thanks for acknowledging that there at the beginning. It was very thoughtful of you.

I just can't see them having a friends with benefits situation! With Gwyn, she's interested in sex and reading romance books. As far as romance, I'm not sure what she wants. She comes to the world with such a different view of sex than the human characters had, like she took participation in one of the sexy rites for granted, she just happened to not be able to participate.

And with Az, from what we know, all he's had are secretive flings. I can't see his endgame starting that way, in the dark, behind closed doors, "casual". I just think he'd need something different, and it will probably make him a bit off-kilter to finally combine romance and sex, since his experience rarely (never?) had those two things together, with one person.

I don't think there will be pressure for sex, given that sjm has written fade-to-black (I'm thinking elorcan, by then the series was full on sexy) and there is zero sex (that I can remember) in hoeab. She says things in her interviews that don't make it into books, like the threesome scene in acosf that she wrote and left out, I think she wrote rowaelin smut for herself prior to them getting together in canon. But what happens in the books needs to make sense for the larger context of where the characters are at emotionally, and how the plot is pushing them together or driving them apart. And that includes sex.

I'm genuinely so curious how the romantic feelings will develop because it does seem right now that Gwyn is flirty, and Az totally seems like the type to be oblivious about it ("you're the new ribbon, Az") so IDK!!! I absolutely agree with you and would love a friends-to-lovers situation because I think it would give them emotional vulnerability and support followed by intense trust would lead to such a great moment of "OH." Imagine the "OH" if they are friends and fiercely competitive and working together and then idk, one day one of them looks at the other just a little bit differently.

Imagine he does go to the pleasure hall and finds himself thinking of Gwyn. :D "OH."

[simpingforthisonedeer]

Don’t be surprised when you start losing a lot of followers for being an anti

Why do you care so much abt other people’s ships anyways

BAHAHAHAHAHA UR FUNNY LETS TEAR YOU APART SHALL WE?

What a vain and shallow assumption you are under for believing that I care about how many followers I have. I do not care for the quantity of my followers, only the quality💀 but I have well over 1K followers and they keep growing if you are worried or something💀💀

And why do I care about other people's ships? Well, I'd love to support my mutuals's ships because I think they're cute but since the context is me being an "anti" I assume you are talking about people who enjoy incestuous, pedophilic, and/or large age gap ships?

Because they are absolutely insane and dangerous to those who are easy to manipulate who most of the time are minors? What a ridiculous world we live in that someone is confused on why you shouldn't be glorifying incest or pedophilia.

Pro-shipping is absolutely the most chronically online take I've ever seen in my damn life.

Like few years ago, there was this post where the op wrote "William x Mimosa" and "Fuego x Noelle" I remember the Fuego x Noelle thing being a misunderstanding but my god was that blog torn apart. Where is that energy now folks?

"It's only fiction! I want to explore these dynamics in fiction!"

Absolutely! I encourage exploring taboo concepts in fiction! But you are portraying it as something bad, right? Right?

Of course you are not!

Racism, homophobia, pedophilia, incest are all what? Say it with me: Bad.

I am not saying that people who write about them are bad, but the concepts themselves are not stuff you endorse. You don't need me to explain why they're all bad right? But if you live under a rock or in fairyland where nothing ever bad happens, let me explain.

Racism hurts people. Physically and mentally.

Homophobia hurts people. Physically and mentally.

Pedophilia hurts children. Physically and mentally.

Incest hurts children and adults. Physically and mentally.

I write about all of these topics in my fics but never have I once portrayed them in a good light. I don't pretend to ship or endorse any incest or pedophilic relationships I write. I don't portray racist and homophobic characters as good people. I write how much it hurts to be in those positions. I write about the confusion, the betrayal, the pain.

And what do I see proshippers doing on my dash? Fucking glorifying it.

I used to think, that's their thing, let them enjoy it but then I realized: There is a good reason why we shut down racists and homophobes and don't allow them safe spaces, why do we allow the same for people who FANTASIZE about disgusting things and put them on the internet.

Wake up to reality. Your behavior will make parents hide their children from you.

"What is fictious does not apply to reality!"

Are you serious my guy? Joining a fandom changed my life. Stanning Julius made me a better artist, writer, and made me more motivated to study quantum mechanics. My professors and my thesis advisors literally know of Julius because of me💀 I care so much about thinking about the underlying themes of BC and any other fiction I consume and see how it challenges my beliefs and my way of thinking. You may not consume fiction the way I do! But it most definitely affects reality💀

If you want a historical example, Harriet Beecher Stowe's "Uncle Tom's Cabin" converted many people to abolitionism because it brought attention to the horrible conditions of slavery.

And I can give you many, many, many examples about how fiction affects reality. But not in a one to one ratio. Just because I play COD or MW2 does not mean I want to pick up a gun and start shooting my friends.

"It is my coping mechanism for my trauma!"

Then book an appointment to a psychiatrist and tell them about this pro-shipping. See how that conversation would go down. Find a healthy coping mechanism. Nobody in their right mind endorses self-harm through unhealthy coping mechanisms.

To end it off, I'll say what I've said earlier,

What a luxury it must be to fantasize about incest, pedophilia and other BS like that in a positive manner when it is a nightmarish reality to many people.

I come from an ethnic culture where this is all so normal and the cycle of abuse continues. I don't want to talk about how it personally affected me because it is personal but, seek help. If you cannot, find healthy coping mechanisms. Pour all your pain out into art and writing if you must, but don't pretend for a second that it is good.

[cieloclercs]

lover, you should’ve come over , send me a description of yourself + a fandom and gender preference, and i’ll ship you with a character

for f1/f2 please;

ok so,

im 18, she/her and straight. im south east asian but went to boarding school in the uk. im 5'4, tan skin , black hair and eyes. I support mercedes and mclaren (mostly, i also support max which is very easy to do since he wins always lmao, and i love the ferrari boys too). I'm studying law college, specifically criminal law. f1 content and weekends are always the highlight of my week. i play tennis and volleyball (as a hobby). im the oldest (girl) in my family (technically) but i have 3 older half brothers and a younger sister. im going to the sg grandprix this weekend which im so so excited about! my fav szn is autumn, and summer. im both an introvert and an extrovert but it depends who im around. my fav shows are brooklyn 99, gilmore girls and friends (kinda basic ik), because i love the warmth they give me. fav holiday is halloween but i hate finding stuff to dress up as. i want to get a rottweiler and a huskey but i dont think im super capable of having pets rn :(. but yeah thats it! congrats on 1k and ty!

i ship you with charles leclerc!

— ok first of all charles x lawyer!s/o is THE PAIRING omg it makes so much sense to me !! also charles x student!s/o but especially law (maybe i’m biased bc i’m also studying law or maybe not shshsh 🤭) there’s something about charles and a kind of academic s/o that just feels so right, even better with an s/o in the social sciences. i’m not entirely sure why, maybe it’s just the vibes 🤷‍♀️ but charles will definitely help you study. he’ll be so dedicated about it too, bringing your flashcards everywhere, helping you memorise details of past cases that you need to know for your exams. i think he’ll even start to learn them himself because he helps you so often, and if you’re like just talking generally about a specific case he’ll come out with something from your revision out of the blue 🤭 it’s so cute because he’ll look super proud of himself afterwards when you look all surprised that he remembers 🥹

— also, charles with an s/o who plays tennis is JUMPING OUT AT ME RN like i can picture it so vividly. he himself is pretty terrible at tennis (i mean let’s be honest the man has no hand eye coordination 😭) but he’s so enthusiastic about playing with you (definitely not because he loves seeing you in a tennis skirt 😏😏). even if he gets absolutely annihilated, he still loves it because he gets to spend even more time with you doing something that you love 🥹

— i get the feeling he’d be really close with your family too, i mean let’s face it, charles is just a family guy in general and everyone loves him, almost to the point that you start to think that your family love him more than you 🫣 ooh another thing that’s jumping out at me is x mercedes!s/o 😏😏 it’s weird i feel like law, tennis and mercedes all give the same vibes in this context 🤔 anyway, count on him playing up the team rivalry at every chance he gets, even if it’s just a joke. because he’s so competitive about it you make a point of supporting mercedes and mclaren even more, but you do secretly root for him in his races 😉 you’re the first person he looks for after a good result, and you’re always there to celebrate with him 🥹

— omg i’ve never actually seen gilmore girls, but my best friend is a huge fan and you’re giving off the exact vibes that i can imagine with charles it’s crazyy 🤭 i can picture you guys binge watching every season. even though charles complains at first, he definitely ends up getting super invested (and maybe even watches a couple of episodes without you in secret 🤫) you guys are like the cold, crisp autumn, matching knitted jumper kind of couple if that makes sense ?? i’m picturing hot chocolate by the fire, also couples outfits at halloween if you decide to go out !! or if you want something a bit more lowkey, a cozy night in on the sofa watching scary movies (charles definitely uses it as an excuse to cuddle you argue with the wall idc) basically just everything i want, you guys are as a couple 🥹

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Delete this if it's weird but your post about naming your blog after one of the royals guards from hxh reminded me of something. So I am part of a DID system and some of the alters have many traits/appearance of my abusers, including some with the same names. They'd do things that were harmful as a way of keeping everyone safe. Anyways, recently our host watched hxh and one of those parts really connected with Neferpitou going from this absolutely inhumane monster of sorts to slowly learning how empathy and compassion works and has now changed their name from their original name of our abuser they're based off to Pitou instead now. Anyways I'm happy for them and just wanted to share that with ya

I held onto this ask for a while bc I was debating how detailed I wanted my response to be, but I think this is a story I've been wanting to tell for a while and if there was ever a time to fully discuss this, it would be here; the naming and themeing extends to myself as well as my blog - I do go by the name Shai irl, though I'm a little picky with where I choose to use it over the name I've had for longer (Rigel). Before I go into any more detail, I want to congratulate you for that development! It sounds like a moment of positive growth, and I'm glad you got to experience that.

The short answer is that I've basically taken my experiences with dissociation and something that may be multiplicity and fully redirected it all into a sense of spirituality. My therapist had encouraged me to not pathologize it; I was just hammering at my own personal experiences and being fixated on feeling like something was wrong with me and needed to be fixed - normal people don't experience thoughts and feelings that don't belong to them. With that being said, a large part of my recovery work was/is with acceptance; I was forced to mask a lot of things while growing up (autism, physical disability, queerness, etc) and there was a huge push from my family to seem as "normal" as possible, and now I'm actively undoing that and my work with being in the otherkin community is a massive cornerstone of that work. I identified very heavily with shaiapouf and my therapist actually watched hxh so we could use pouf as a therapy tool for me. Me naming myself after him is a huge gesture of the love I was able to give myself via my coping process - recognizing him in my trauma, and working with him to recover.

The longer answer is that I've experienced dissociation that leans towards multiplicity for a number of years now, with aforementioned thoughts and feelings included. I never had any memory loss, and the experience of another person being with me wasn't well developed enough for the definition of an alter, so I felt stuck with an experience I had no words for and no way of relating to other people with similar experiences. I remember describing it as feeling possessed, like there was suddenly another consciousness present with my own. These experiences are a lot less intense now, and I attribute that to my acceptance of them instead of pushing them away in fear. It was a while before I said anything to my therapist and was genuinely mortified because it felt like something was very seriously wrong with me and I had to fix it at all costs (with the idea of needing to "fix" things that were "wrong" with me or my life being a repeating theme as well).

Over time, as I stopped pushing everything away, I was able to start seeing where the emotions and thoughts that came with the episodes (not necessarily triggering them) were coming from, but still struggled to accept them as my own when they felt so foreign. Acceptance has brought me a long way and we've now teased out that this is a massive way for me to process not just my trauma, but the grief accompanying it.

My therapist was the one who had initially suggested I take a spiritual approach to this, and I found that in the otherkin community, where, upon actually looking at the original contexts of some of the words used in the community, found things I'd been describing to my therapist over a year ago. I'd prior been fond of the idea of reincarnation and fully embraced it in this process. My first (and so far only) tattoo is of his wings, I'll carry him with me for the rest of my life; I derived one of my names from his own. This character has been highly influential in my life and I've fully embraced him for it. He means a lot of things to me - reflection of my own trauma, the power and rage I wish I could have demonstrated while in the process of being traumatized, the delicate masculinity I wish to have as a trans man, and much more I'm sure. A lot of my episodes seem to happen when helplessness kicks in, like something to help distance myself from my pain; I feel him in righteous fury when I know I deserve better. Not all of it is bad though, I had one while I was looking at Christmas lights a few months ago and felt like I was looking at the world for the first time, simple delight as if holding someone else's hand and showing them.

All in all, I thank you for sharing your story and for giving me a place to share some of mine.

[wilder-fangirl]

back in March a bunch of us from work went out for our coworker's birthday. (For later context we work at a retail store of a major technology company. You're probably reading this post on one of their fruity devices right now) He's The Coworker. Ya know the one everyone likes being around and is kinda hot. I think I've had a crush on him basically from the day I met him. He's short and has dark hair and is into metal music and is so funny and kind and has these absolutely gorgeous colorful tattoos and he has this way of smiling where his whole face scrunches up and his sense of style is 🥵 - vans + black skinny jeans + hip chain thing + Hawaiin shirt but make it goth. He's a little like grown up emo boy.

Anyways a couple hours into the night him and I are sitting next to each other and my leg is resting against his and we were taking goofy pictures on everyone's phones and then HE PUTS HIS HAND ON THE INSIDE OF MY THIGH

It was very casual like we were dating or something and he kept carrying on his conversation with someone while his thumb was like brushing up and down on my thigh

I basically died I was like fuck yeah I won

Then later idk how this even happened but we seemed to both get the idea at the same time and our fingers just kinda intertwined and we were holding hands. It was like out of a movie

Then he looks at me, drunk as fuck with puppy dog eyes and is like "are you gonna call hr? 🥺"

I can never forget every moment of that night that was a major moment in my life. And then since then he's been hanging around me every chance he gets at work like when he's not with a customer he comes over to my table and lingers and helps me out if he can. Or when I'm on check in/door greeter EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. He isn't working with someone he just kinda drifts and gravitates over to me. And a lot of times I find myself looking over at him a lot and a lot of the time he's looking back like that whole stollen glances in class thing or whatever. And we've been teasing each other and stuff and it's just been the fucking best. So I thought huh maybe he likes me too

But. Recently we were talking about that night and he said he blacked out and doesn't remember most of it. So that's been kinda sad bc he probably doesn't remember holding hands with me or putting his hand on my thigh so I don't even know if that was a conscious decision so I can't use that as like "evidence" to myself that he likes me. For a while I was wondering if he remembered that but it's not like I can go up to him and be like 'hey do you remember that we held hands and were kinda flirty on your birthday?'

There's other people at work that he has more involved conversations with because he knows them better - like him and I have only hung out outside of work like once. But the mother fricking FREQUENCY that he goes over to me is unmatched he's like always around me.

Sometimes I try to act chill about it and I hope it doesn't make me sound unenthused but I'm just trying to hide the fact that I get excited as fuck every time I get a chance to talk to him

The other day I got pulled off my usual role and I was helping out in sales (what he does) and I screwed up a phone activation so I had to do the embarrassing thing of calling the carrier while the customers have to stand there and wait and I was getting a little nervous and embarrassed bc I should have known better than to make the mistake I did. Then I look up and he's right there leaning against the wall and he has a conversation with my customers while I read like a million numbers off to the carrier. It took so much willpower to not lean into him and rest my head on his chest. After I'm off the phone he says something like 'yeah I saw you looking around and I figured you might need some help, maybe because I know you better' or something - he said something about knowing me and picking up on my cues. And he took the time to just come help me even though we were really busy and he probably shouldn't have. And he taught me how to avoid that mistake in the future and was really kind and understanding about it and then the managers more or less had to pull him away from me so he could actually do his job.

We're honestly kind of a power couple as far as work stuff goes. He's very interested in my role and so he likes to watch what I'm doing but then when I'm working on a more involved issue he's really good at keeping customers distracted with conversation and showing them stuff on their devices. Also I think we look super cute together and anyone would be an idiot not to see it. Him with his black, perfectly gelled hair and me with my butterfly clips and him being just a couple inches taller than me so I fit in his shadow and him with his friendly approach to people and me with my determination to fix their problems.

I feel like every time I turn around he's passing by and we're always grinning at each other like idiots. And sometimes I get to hear him tell a customer "(my name) will be with you in a couple minutes" and I wish I had been focusing only on his voice because I love the way he says my name and he slurs the middle part of it together.

I don't remember where I was going with this I just wish he remembered that night and I really want to know if he likes me too. He keeps showing up in my dreams and I've found myself getting a little more dressed up when I know we're gonna work together like I've been tying up my baggy ass work shirt and literally yesterday I wore my combat-ish boots with HEELS

Sometimes I wonder if he sees me like a fun little sister - today I was like "dude you've gone on three breaks in the last four hours" and he was like "it was two, don't give me that attitude missy"

I'm so obsessed with being around him I want to get to know him better and go to metal shows together and go get tipsy at bars after work and get ready with him in the morning and see him in like a baggy Tshirt or a tank top before he does his hair. I want to ask him how my outfit looks before we leave and I want to get coffee together and I want to lay my head on his shoulder or his lap and I want to play with his hair and I want him to meet my friends and I want to steal kisses in the hallway and I want his big smile that he already always has when he looks at me to mean 'she's mine' . I want to watch fireworks and Disney movies and classic horror with him and I think I'd cry if he ever bought me flowers and he'd laugh but then he'd kiss my forehead and wipe my tears away. I want to meet his brothers and I want to go to the fair together and I want him to tease me about shit and I want to hear his laugh every chance I get I want to surprise him with his favorite things just because. I want to wrap my arms around him from behind I want us to cook in a cramped little kitchen with our cats at our feet. I want to fall into his arms on the couch and look into his brown eyes and I'd be the luckiest person in the world to have any of these things.

He has this complex about people not wanting to be around him and finding him annoying and sometimes I want to grab him by the face and tell him how much he's a joy to be around and that I treasure every moment we have together and I look forward to seeing him - he always makes my day better and when he's not there I'm disappointed. I so desperately want him to know he's loved by people and he's so valued. And yesterday I heard him telling someone about how dating hasn't worked out for him and when he meets girls they like him at first and see his tattoos and thinks he's cool then they get to know him more and his nerdy side and don't like him so much and I wanted to lean across the table and tell him I'd be his girlfriend right fucking now

i can't believe I'm the bitch falling in love at a fucking retail job at the damn a**** store. What is my life?? Why isn't Trevor a Christian??? So we could actually be together?? Why'd we have to meet at work instead of somewhere else in life so it wouldn't be weird and complicated and we could actually get to know each other???

I feel like if he got to know me he wouldn't really like me. I'm boring and socially inexperienced but I want so badly to be interesting and good with people and I'm trying so hard. I want to be the soft-punk gf to his casual-goth bf. I want to be his and him to be mine. I get so jealous when he talks to other girls it's stupid. Fuck.

Anyways I almost said I love you to him when I was leaving today

[ajdrawshq]

ztd crossover with kh but it's just Carlos meeting Terra, Diana meeting Aqua and Sean meeting Ven. Cursed or blessed concept. Go

HM. WELL. i immediately leaned toward cursed bc like (gestures vaguely at ztd) but that feels mean so im gonna try putting some thought into this

Carlos and Terra :] very good pair for the most part i think. just 2 big older bros doing what they do to try to help people.. but it all goes to shit kupo. i can see them getting along pretty well, both due to their personal experiences and bc of who they are in general. also now that i think abt it its kinda funny that both of them happen to be plagued by visions but only Carlos' have an actual explanation?? Terra morphogenetic field moment?? even funnier is that both of them have the same "welp. anyway" reaction to it like yeah this just happens sometimes 👍 kind of unfortunate Terra couldnt use his to prevent bad things from happening too but oh well. its not like hopping timelines is that easy in his universe anyway. Terra still gets bonus points on an individual level bc while there was very little he couldve done differently there Are things Carlos couldve just uh. not done. yknow. things that i think Terra would kick his ass over tbh

Diana and Aqua.... oof. on god we're gonna get u girls some therapy. they were both so severely fucked over by like. literally everything from ingame events to the narrative itself. trapped in two different but absolute hellholes of sitautions for Very Long Amounts of Time and only called upon as a pawn in a game that both defines and ruins their lives and their entire world, and they barely even know it. and the only people they get to talk to at some point in their respective hells are Sigma and Micheal Mouse (and Terra sort of).. yea i think id lose it too tbh. its interesting that Diana was a 100% crucial part of why ztd happened while Aqua's role in Xehanorts plan wasnt really until ddd/kh3 unless u count him planning the whole end of bbs.. before that she was more of an outside force? not that taking her out wouldnt change anything ofc but her direct actions were more harmful to the overall plan than going according to it. i might need to play bbs again to confirm that more but uhh i forgot where i was going with this. i could see them getting along but i dont really remember enough about Diana as a person to know just how well they would? i guess itd at least be nice to have someone else who knows what their oddly specific and horrific situations are like, more or less

finally Sean n Ven.. Man. talk abt kids who cant catch a break for their entire lives no matter how outragously short OR long. they both just have a Lot going on and play some of the most major roles in their respective stories and god knows they didnt ask for any of it!! tho weirdly enough i dont feel much for Sean considering how he fits into the kinda characters i usually get attached to. but maybe thats just bc it was ztd. anyway !! out of the 3 duos here i think these two are most likely to become actual friends. from the memory fuckery to having a greater role in everything than they couldve imagined (both of them essentially being a key at some point..) to even just. having a very limited world in some way. and not having full control over their bodies. and several other major things im probably forgetting they both have. lots and lots and lots of things. they are friends to me

and just some general other thoughts - while im. not entirely sure how to feel abt what ztd does with the morphogenetic field i can at least appreciate the weird memory stuff that comes with body hopping and the possibilities that has when tied to all the other weird memory stuff that already happens in kh for similar or different reasons. like the way ztd (and vlr to some extent) went about it didnt quite hit the way i wanted it to but the concept is cool to me? itd be fun to play around with it in the context of kh i think. or vice versa. altho maybe introducing multiple timelines to the kh universe isnt the best idea.. hm. much to think about

but yeah!!!! overall verdict: mostly blessed with some underlying hints of cursed. like a weird aftertaste

[red-dyed-sarumane]

having been here from the very beginning i think my fave aru sekai series lore is that

• despite it very clearly being a series (it is. it IS i can prove it to u) hiiragi magnetite has never addressed it as such. the fan art tag on twitter is aru sekai bijutsuten However it was chosen via poll and was a listener created tag. hiiragima themself has yet to say anything about it being a series. if u ask them a question (for example when i asked if the charas have names) they wont correct u & know what ur talking about but nope. they dont talk about the content of the songs outside of the songs at all

• possibly not aru sekai but we'll see eventually- they decided to make a song thats one second for every like they got. theyre currently making a song thats 70,000 seconds long (like 19 &1/2 hours). they have the file name saved so that "seconds" is replaced with "illness" which sounds the same in jpn

• the content is so fucking specific every time i see other people try to translate it theyre like "this was so confusing". they are so right but also i promise u it gets 2% easier when u know the songs are related

• sena yuta does the art for the main aru sekai series songs. asa is the other illust. even tho asa tends to do art for nonseries songs (nadenna, uni, rasshaina) marshall maximizer & canon are absolutely part of the series & i cant believe i keep seeing people over look this. the motif is RIGHT THERE. canon says aru sekai de in THE FIRST LINE whats not clicking

• many songs have context as text flashed for a frame in the video background! as of right now aru sekai soushitsu, kyuuyaku hankagai, shuuen touhikou, unplanned apoptosis, marshall maximizer, canon (this ones in code) have text. oumen mokushiroku, kugutsu ashura, laboratory do not. (if u want to get technical oumen has the ou kanji to say its part of the aru sekai shoushitsu order but theres no new information in it)

• all of the songs except for kugutsu ashura & laboratory have the "nami no ne no yume wo miyou" melody from aru sekai shoushitsu worked in somewhere. if u dont believe me ill get u time stamps if u ask. those two songs dont have it but im telling u its thematic, they ARE part of the series, but i cant only really theorize on what it means until we get more songs & content

• hiiragima once said "if u dont know how to read the title of kugutsu ashura you can just call it ashura" this is especially funny bc they always put furigana for their titles in their descriptions.

• they actually do a good job of getting characterization across once u get past the technical language they use. some of them are a lot more obvious than others (unplanned apoptosis. i think this girls so funny bc its so different from everything else) but theres a lot u can get from the word choice/play once ur used to all the weird science (?) terms. sena yuta's art also does an AMAZING job of getting their characters down in a single drawing. u can tell so much from the art for real. this is a whole essay in itself im stopping here for now

• all the characters have names!!!!!! i would know i asked directly & they responded they said yes the characters have names but theyre waiting for the right moment to reveal them. every day this torments me both bc i would like to call her by name instead of saying tenshi everyday and also bc i know this means they have plot significance & im not ready to handle that

• so far all the charas in the songs are girls but if i remember correct the bg text in some songs (shoushitsu & maximzier i think? id have to double check) refers to there being at least one guy in there somewhere.

• this is just a personal note but none of these people have basic lab safety i mean look at their outfits. if the world wasnt ending they die anyway wearing that esp the laboratory chara but i digress

• in general the series is ur "the world is ending and we need to find a way to stop it from ending"typical story i guess. not only plays on destruction of the world but also destruction of the self. its not ur lighthearted easy to handle voca series if u want that may i suggest honeyworks or perhaps last notes mikagura school suite instead

• we dont have a timeline. i can tell u from context the songs arent being posted in chronological order. i have no idea what the order is ive made a guess before but its just a guess.

• theres a paragraph in shoushitsu about a swampman & hilarious as it sounds it actually describes exactly whats going on. both about how the world functions in that no two attempts are the same but also that people who lose their "self" are also The Same But Not. which is interesting to know its so thought out considering the time between songs & how hiiragima claims to just be doing whatever they want. its very cohesive. somehow.

• i have no idea why the english titles of the songs are like that on youtube. i dont know if they did that themself or not but i for one refuse to acknowledge that shuuen touhikou is called "blade" over there. girl what how did we get there u just lost soo much connotation doing that. i want to say the swords arent even a main part of the song but i dont think i can actually. anyway the "eng" titles on yt dont exist to me

• the theme used to be 5 kanji title songs were the main songs and katakana with the first repeating (ex MArshall MAximizer) were more like. sub or context songs. and then we have like canon & laboratory so idk if those are just another type of song along with the others or if they decided they didnt want to follow that anymore. i need more info but still something to note. the kanji songs also used to be sections of shoushitsu (kyuu, shuu, ou, fuu, mei, juu, mou, ei) but then, again, kugutsu ashura threw me off so [vague confused gesturing]

• rain. thats all i need to say really. very few songs that dont have rain or the color blue in it somewhere & that's absolutely intentional.

• i saw sena yuta say something about flower language in regards to the laboratory art but i never saw if they elaborated and my friend whos into flower language was having a time trying to pin point what flower it was so for now another mystery unsolved

[lemonhemlock]

i know i've converted my blog into asoiaf meta for the most part, but now that the champions league is back and madrid are set to face liverpool again next week, i remembered this article and just... with all this talk of meta-narratives and arcs and symbolism... can you feel nostalgic for something that happened just last year??? this is going to be super indulgent but i am most definitely feeling thoughts & thinking feelings right now !!!

so for anyone who has no idea what i'm talking about, how about i introduce you to a tale of uncanny resilience in the face of the impossible? not just of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, but of the over-praised, overachiever, drenched in privilege and exposure, that the rest of the world learns to despise, bc they become sick and tired of their (supposedly manufactured) success? what happens when you're the villain in everyone else's story and the world is rooting against you anyway but you also just kind of stop performing for whatever reason?

do you just lay down and take it? accept that your luck has run its course and endure the critiques and the slander with gritted teeth?? once you reach that level of transcendence, is there truly any going back? are you even of this earth anymore?

so that is how madrid dragged itself through the champions league in the 2021-2022 season. the undisputed queen of europe, with an unequaled (then-) 13 titles under her belt, the team that had achieved the impossible feat of winning 4 titles in 5 years, now became the team that everyone wrote off. cursed with the most onerous bracket in the history of the knock-off stages, doomed (blessed??) to face-off the most nefarious avatars of modern footballing culture - first paris saint germain, a PR-sanitizing tool for the crimes of the qatari political elite, then chelsea, a team owned by a russian oligarch with a similar function - also the acting champions of europe, to boot.

four difficult matches that no one expected madrid to survive and nearly took us out so many times. until they didn't. until we opened our eyes each time after the final whistle and there we were, still standing. and there they were, gone, vanquished. a nightmare you wake up from, disoriented, asking for the date, time, place, context. what year is this. is it safe to come out? is this real? have we done it again? what are the odds to us, other than mere suggestions, foolish calculations that only heretics give credence to?

Against PSG they had come down from 1-0 down, 2-0 on aggregate to win 3-2, gifted a way back and scoring twice in a minute, three in quarter of an hour. Against Chelsea they had gone from 3-0 down on the night, 4-3 down on aggregate, with 10 minutes left to win 5-4 on aggregate. It had been extraordinary that they were even standing, but this is the team you have to kill a hundred times. If not, know that they’re coming for you.

the whole world knows that you never, absolutely, under no circumstances, let madrid worm their way into the final, because that's as good as surrendering the title to them and calling it a day. as surely as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. if divine intervention is needed, it will come. inexorably. real madrid are god's team, baby.

so the world throws the hardest hurdle at us for the semi-final. the greatest obstacle. the best chance at making us fail. pep guardiola's manchester city. another such propaganda toy, this time for the UAE, a soulless, plastic club. the embodiment of manufactured apathy. but who's counting. the first leg ends 4-3 for them. the goals didn't stop coming, so i remember asking myself why were they both dressed in blue. light for man city, dark for madrid. what a peculiar choice. what a peculiar year.

In Manchester Real Madrid faced 16 shots. They were beaten 4-3, but celebrated that almost as a victory given how overrun they had been, aware that the difference could have been far greater; rarely can City have felt more like they had lost a game that they had won.

but it is in the second leg that they remembered who they were. we had just forgotten, you see!! a momentary lapse of judgement. it is just before the finish line when you muster up that last ounce of strength and command your feet to press you forward. undaunted visionaries violently upturning any kind of logic or common sense! what was supposed to happen candidly did not happen. it's that easy. it's that simple. flippantly refusing to capitulate!!! our white flags don't mean the same thing as everyone else's! how silly they were to think... !

There were 39 seconds left and Real Madrid needed to score twice or they were out, halted at the gates of the final, their luck running out at last. Eighty-eight seconds later they had done, collective madness taking everyone. Somehow, they had forced extra time; soon, they had the winner, which by then you knew they would. Look in the top corner of your screen. It had shown 89:20 RMA 0 – 1 MCI (3-5). Look again and it showed: 94.13 RMA 3 – 1 MCI (6-5). And it had taken a few seconds to update the score.

delusion that becomes truth itself??? because you make it so???? sometimes seeing truly is NOT believing, you need to re-make reality in your image and according to your own hallucinations of grandeur!! sometimes you are pygmallion and that scoreboard is your galatea goddamn it. you're not lying to yourself, you're prophesizing what you will create out of this world!

The champions of France, Europe and England all eliminated at the Bernabéu.

What happened was the most ridiculous resurrection of them all: even more implausible, the margins finer, the race against the clock more frantic, like they were watching that video back again only on fast-forward, everything flashing by.

There was something mystical at play; some fate, some force that means that the more you fight it, the more inevitable it becomes.

liverpool surely hate our guts. two lost UCL finals against us, the first fraught with enough controversy to last a generation. i don't know what's going to happen next week. we might as well lose & forfeit this season. but, even so, we'll always have something other teams don't. that bright, celestial belief in our strength and our resolve, that vision that only we can see and deliver forth, even in the face of the absurd, of the hopeless.

and i think that there's inspiration in that. i think it's a neat reminder that we have so many stories of our own to tell and there's a power we wield in fleshing them into existence.

The players knew: they had seen the video that proves it.

so go forth and be brilliant!! bring around your own remontada!

“We’ve come back, we’ve come back!” he shouted, leaping about celebrating. There’s something about that “we” that stuck in the throat. He wasn’t alone, some fans turning and trying to get back in. Had they learned nothing? Do they not know this team they support? Of course you have come back, you fool.