#ngl makes me emotional to think about

[lemonhemlock]

i know i've converted my blog into asoiaf meta for the most part, but now that the champions league is back and madrid are set to face liverpool again next week, i remembered this article and just... with all this talk of meta-narratives and arcs and symbolism... can you feel nostalgic for something that happened just last year??? this is going to be super indulgent but i am most definitely feeling thoughts & thinking feelings right now !!!

so for anyone who has no idea what i'm talking about, how about i introduce you to a tale of uncanny resilience in the face of the impossible? not just of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, but of the over-praised, overachiever, drenched in privilege and exposure, that the rest of the world learns to despise, bc they become sick and tired of their (supposedly manufactured) success? what happens when you're the villain in everyone else's story and the world is rooting against you anyway but you also just kind of stop performing for whatever reason?

do you just lay down and take it? accept that your luck has run its course and endure the critiques and the slander with gritted teeth?? once you reach that level of transcendence, is there truly any going back? are you even of this earth anymore?

so that is how madrid dragged itself through the champions league in the 2021-2022 season. the undisputed queen of europe, with an unequaled (then-) 13 titles under her belt, the team that had achieved the impossible feat of winning 4 titles in 5 years, now became the team that everyone wrote off. cursed with the most onerous bracket in the history of the knock-off stages, doomed (blessed??) to face-off the most nefarious avatars of modern footballing culture - first paris saint germain, a PR-sanitizing tool for the crimes of the qatari political elite, then chelsea, a team owned by a russian oligarch with a similar function - also the acting champions of europe, to boot.

four difficult matches that no one expected madrid to survive and nearly took us out so many times. until they didn't. until we opened our eyes each time after the final whistle and there we were, still standing. and there they were, gone, vanquished. a nightmare you wake up from, disoriented, asking for the date, time, place, context. what year is this. is it safe to come out? is this real? have we done it again? what are the odds to us, other than mere suggestions, foolish calculations that only heretics give credence to?

Against PSG they had come down from 1-0 down, 2-0 on aggregate to win 3-2, gifted a way back and scoring twice in a minute, three in quarter of an hour. Against Chelsea they had gone from 3-0 down on the night, 4-3 down on aggregate, with 10 minutes left to win 5-4 on aggregate. It had been extraordinary that they were even standing, but this is the team you have to kill a hundred times. If not, know that they’re coming for you.

the whole world knows that you never, absolutely, under no circumstances, let madrid worm their way into the final, because that's as good as surrendering the title to them and calling it a day. as surely as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. if divine intervention is needed, it will come. inexorably. real madrid are god's team, baby.

so the world throws the hardest hurdle at us for the semi-final. the greatest obstacle. the best chance at making us fail. pep guardiola's manchester city. another such propaganda toy, this time for the UAE, a soulless, plastic club. the embodiment of manufactured apathy. but who's counting. the first leg ends 4-3 for them. the goals didn't stop coming, so i remember asking myself why were they both dressed in blue. light for man city, dark for madrid. what a peculiar choice. what a peculiar year.

In Manchester Real Madrid faced 16 shots. They were beaten 4-3, but celebrated that almost as a victory given how overrun they had been, aware that the difference could have been far greater; rarely can City have felt more like they had lost a game that they had won.

but it is in the second leg that they remembered who they were. we had just forgotten, you see!! a momentary lapse of judgement. it is just before the finish line when you muster up that last ounce of strength and command your feet to press you forward. undaunted visionaries violently upturning any kind of logic or common sense! what was supposed to happen candidly did not happen. it's that easy. it's that simple. flippantly refusing to capitulate!!! our white flags don't mean the same thing as everyone else's! how silly they were to think... !

There were 39 seconds left and Real Madrid needed to score twice or they were out, halted at the gates of the final, their luck running out at last. Eighty-eight seconds later they had done, collective madness taking everyone. Somehow, they had forced extra time; soon, they had the winner, which by then you knew they would. Look in the top corner of your screen. It had shown 89:20 RMA 0 – 1 MCI (3-5). Look again and it showed: 94.13 RMA 3 – 1 MCI (6-5). And it had taken a few seconds to update the score.

delusion that becomes truth itself??? because you make it so???? sometimes seeing truly is NOT believing, you need to re-make reality in your image and according to your own hallucinations of grandeur!! sometimes you are pygmallion and that scoreboard is your galatea goddamn it. you're not lying to yourself, you're prophesizing what you will create out of this world!

The champions of France, Europe and England all eliminated at the Bernabéu.

What happened was the most ridiculous resurrection of them all: even more implausible, the margins finer, the race against the clock more frantic, like they were watching that video back again only on fast-forward, everything flashing by.

There was something mystical at play; some fate, some force that means that the more you fight it, the more inevitable it becomes.

liverpool surely hate our guts. two lost UCL finals against us, the first fraught with enough controversy to last a generation. i don't know what's going to happen next week. we might as well lose & forfeit this season. but, even so, we'll always have something other teams don't. that bright, celestial belief in our strength and our resolve, that vision that only we can see and deliver forth, even in the face of the absurd, of the hopeless.

and i think that there's inspiration in that. i think it's a neat reminder that we have so many stories of our own to tell and there's a power we wield in fleshing them into existence.

The players knew: they had seen the video that proves it.

so go forth and be brilliant!! bring around your own remontada!

“We’ve come back, we’ve come back!” he shouted, leaping about celebrating. There’s something about that “we” that stuck in the throat. He wasn’t alone, some fans turning and trying to get back in. Had they learned nothing? Do they not know this team they support? Of course you have come back, you fool.

[guardian-angle22]

[hydrodragons]

genshin impact gif challenge ✦

[1/?] story quests → diluvies chapter, act i: the remains of the past day

"you will see much in the human world, from the delightful to the depressing. and one day, when you have dwelt among humanity long enough, you will be placed to bring judgment over all as the spokesperson for fontaine's past."

[thegempage]

gonna elaborate on one of the steps from this post of mine about my ideal narilamb dynamic bcus i want to talk about them jfdklasjkfds so go check that out for context

but the idea (which i'm going to put under a cut bcus i love to Talk)

i'm thinking this is like, partway through their decade-ish phase where they're going from "mutual bitter betrayal" to "on friendly terms again," and the lamb is charged with re-killing and subsequently indoctrinating the bishops. which like... is gonna stir up a Lot of feelings (i also hc, in this case, that the bishop situation doesn't come up for at least a few years after the lamb initially defeats narinder, hence being in the mid phase) bcus the lamb thought they were striking down the bishops responsible for the horrors they've faced the first time, and now some asshole in a cloak is telling them they didn't do it right. plus narinder thought he was free of his siblings and ever having to confront the feelings he has about them but now they're going to be Here and he can't Hide Forever bcus he's far enough into healing that the lamb would be sad if he regressed back into isolation (and also he's been getting more involved with the day-to-day cult stuff and him disappearing would cause Issues)

(also. tbh i think narinder starts falling back in love first, bcus i feel like he spent so long stuffing down his feelings that now that he has a body that can Feel Emotions Physically he has a harder time ignoring them. not that he'd bring that up at this point but like, he's in a weird love/hate/desire for healing cycle with the lamb that they are Vaguely aware of but don't want to push bcus their own feelings on the matter are just as complicated and they Do Not want to address those)

so the lamb gets this mission to kill leshy again and take him in. they kind of talk to narinder about it but don't bring up all the details bcus they're not sure what they're going to do about leshy once he's in the cult, and they don't Necessarily trust narinder's first reaction to seeing his baby brother again, nor do they trust leshy to be around narinder for at Least a week or two, possibly longer. so narinder just knows the basics of the plan, and then the lamb fucking Disappears for a bit to get this done. narinder is stewing in his feelings while he runs the cult with the lamb's other disciples and he's not having a Great time. one may even accurately accuse him of having a Bad time. no one is going to bcus fuck if anyone is going to bring up that he seems to be in a bad mood more often these days.

the lamb comes back with leshy. narinder is Not a fan of this choice but it's not like he had any way of denying it, bcus the lamb Has to do something about the bishops or shit is gonna get bad, and even if he wishes they would just kill him, the lamb isn't exactly known for that (their tendency toward second chances, after all, is the only reason he's going through this). the lamb keeps them apart for a while until leshy settles in and it's clear he's not in any immediate danger of dissenting, at the very least. narinder still kind of avoids him bcus he's pissed off that leshy was involved in imprisoning him and he's afraid that leshy is upset with him about tearing out his eyes (he is, but he's not about to have that argument without back up).

and narinder and the lamb have managed to go a little while without arguing about anything big, bcus they're both trying to work on that (and the arguments are never Actually what they're about so it's not like they were getting anywhere), but narinder is so on edge about leshy that he snaps at the lamb and they snap back bcus they're on edge about heket and this mysterious cloaked figure (which narinder can Kind of see but not yet communicate with, for other reasons i have hcs for about his return to divinity and will maybe one day elaborate on separately). they get into a shouting match about the lamb's choices about what to do about the bishops and how much of those choices are actually in their control and how much each of them is upset about these developments and how much narinder does Not want to see his other three siblings again, and really it's about narinder feeling left out of the thought processes and the lamb feeling like they can't trust him to be involved and therefore having no one to turn to bcus it's not like they can address these issues with their regular ass mortal disciples and also both of them are heavily traumatized by the bishops and don't want to acknowledge said trauma. it's messy and loud and they both walk away pissed

but the important thing is after they walk away from said argument they both feel guilty about it. and they've always felt Bad walking away from shouting matches and they've occasionally felt a Little guilty about big arguments but this is the first time they've both been like "fuck, maybe we could have talked that out instead of yelling" so they regroup and apologize for parts of it and kind of talk about other parts (they're still not Completely there, to be clear, we're still in the "figuring out wtf is happening between us" phase) and the lamb lets narinder in more on their plans for heket and asks for his advice on dealing with her after she's brought into the cult and about how much he wants to be involved. which starts the ball rolling faster on them starting to make up bcus now they're on more equal footing and narinder feels less like he's being blocked from the important parts and the lamb feels less isolated in the process of dealing with the people responsible for so much of the pain in their life

and if like.......... narinder has a few dreams that he dwells on for a while or stares at the lamb too intensely during sermons. well that's his business. the lamb definitely doesn't think about him while they run solo crusades or while they're alone in the evenings, wandering around and helping out the night crew with the occasional tasks, not if you asked them

(there's also a decent amount of timespan involved with this, but that's not as important jfkldsajdf in my head this takes place over the course of about four months, from the mysterious seller appearing to them starting discussions about heket, with bringing in all four bishops taking about a year and a half total, potentially closer to two years depending on narinder's reactions to heket and kallamar and the seasons' effects on the lamb)

[fakeoutbf]

five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety

[linagram]

[ 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚘 𝙰𝚜𝚊𝚑𝚒'𝚜 𝚃𝟹 𝚅𝙳 ] 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚃𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝙰𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝

THE BOY!!! i wonder if he'll be able to get a full inno combo..

Warnings for Asahi's VD: toxic family dynamics, Asahi also gets to act a little homophobic, but it's played for laughs.

Warnings for Asahi's MV: the aforementioned toxic family dynamics and despite the song's title, there's not any insect/bug motifs, not counting the ending.

(sounds of footsteps)

Hinode: So.. It's time to interrogate your brother, huh?

Hinode: Are you sure you can do this? You can just let me and Eiji-san-

Miki: You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine.

Miki: Why do I even have to worry about anything? I already know I will forgive Marito. 

Miki: .. And you and Eiji-san will forgive him too, right?

Hinode: .. Y-you really love him, haha..

Miki: I've said this before: I can understand Eiji-san's case, but you, Hinode-san..

Miki: You really were okay with punishing your own brother.

Miki: And when he tried to kill himself, the one who saved him was Miyagawa-san and not you.

Miki: You weren't even that worried about him!

Hinode: ...

Miki: I can handle this. I'm still not the best older sister, but at least I actually care about my brother unlike you.

(the door opens)

Asahi: Ah, Miki-nee!

(sounds of Asahi running up to her)

Asahi: I missed you so much! 

Miki:"He's so cute.."

Miki: I'm pretty sure we have talked earlier today though..

Asahi: I don't care. I like you, Miki-nee, so of course I'd want to spend as much time with you as I can.

Hinode: Haha, you really do like her, don't you? I've never seen you act so nice to someone before-

Asahi: .. Miki-nee, do you want me to kill this guy for you?

Miki: Huh?!

Hinode: K-kill?..

Asahi: I don't know, Miki-nee, he's kind of a weirdo.. He looks like the kind of guy who claims he doesn't know anything and then he reveals that he actually knew the whole lore right when we're all about to die.

Asahi: Also he looks gay, honestly.

Miki: ...

Hinode: ...

Hinode: Heh. Miki-san, your br-

Hinode: Uh.. Ahem, I wanted to say that Asahi-san is kinda funny actually.

Asahi: Oh, so you're okay with me calling you a-

Miki: Now, now, how about we start the interrogation?

Asahi: .. Ah. Right. 

Asahi: I forgot that you didn't come here just to.. hang out.

(sound of a screen turning on)

Eiji: Okay, so are you all ready to begin? 

Miki: ".. Why is Eiji-san so.. calm?"

Miki: "He doesn't really talk to me anymore, but he doesn't seem mad about Kei-san's second trial verdict.."

Asahi: Ugh, you're here too..

Eiji: I'm glad to see you again too, Asahi.

Asahi: How can you even see us right now? Aren't all the cameras-

Asahi: !

Miki: ...

Hinode: ...

Asahi: N-never mind-

Eiji: Oh, but I do mind. Asahi, how did you know what happened to the cameras?

Eiji: And to answer your question: I can only see things from the screens in everyone's cells. I can't see anything from the other cameras.

Eiji: "Guess he wasn't able to break into everyone's cells and use the spray paint on the screens too.."

Miki: "So he DID see Yoshioka-san when we were interrogating her."

Asahi: U-uh..

Asahi: H-hey, Miki-nee said to start the interrogation! So stop asking questions that aren't related to my crime!

Asahi: Eiji-nii is such a meanie..

Miki: ...

Miki: "I want to know more about his relationship with Kei-san and possibly Himura-san, but..  Now is not the time."

Miki: Okay, Asahi-san. We know pretty much everything about how your crime went, but there's still one very important thing we have to discuss.

Asahi: .. What is it?

Hinode and Eiji: She's talking about your-

Asahi: I am not going to talk to anyone here except Miki-nee.

Eiji: What? That's just stupid, you have three guards here and you're only going to talk to-

Asahi: Eiji-nii, why don't you go and shove all your bandages in your mouth and choke on them?

Eiji: ...

Miki: .. Why did you kill that woman?

Asahi: ...

Miki: We know how she died, we know about your relationship with her, but why did you kill her?

Miki: You told us that you had to do it to her. I just want to know why.

Asahi: .. I..

Asahi: .. I-It was self-defense.

Eiji: Oh really? You know it can be counted as self-defense only if you were in immediate danger, right?

Eiji: So like.. It can be counted as self-defense only if she tried to attack you or something.

Asahi: .. She didn't attack me, but I'm sure I would've died if I didn't kill her.

Miki: Was she really that dangerous?..

Asahi: .. You know, I don't really believe in God or magic or miracles, or.. anything like that.

Asahi: Like.. Come on. That just sounds dumb.

Asahi: But.. Sometimes I can't help but feel like her not being able to have kids of her own was..

Asahi: .. Maybe her becoming a mother really wasn't meant to happen. And like, for a good reason.

Asahi: She never took me seriously. It's like, she just liked the concept of having children. She didn't actually like having a kid.

Asahi: It's like I was just this cute toy that was supposed to make her go "Awww! Look at you!" and not an actual human being.

Asahi: Yes, she bought me everything I asked for. But when it came to actually spending time with me.. 

Asahi: Seriously, she avoided me like I was the fucking plague.

Asahi: Every time I asked her to go somewhere together, she just went "Oh, sorry, mommy is feeling a little sick".

Hinode: ...

Miki: But.. If she wanted a kid so badly, why couldn't she spend at least some time with you? 

Asahi: .. No idea. Every single time I rebelled against her, every time I showed that I have emotions and I can disagree with her and even hate her, it's like..

Asahi: Her brain just turned off.

Asahi: She just stared at me. And said nothing.

Asahi: It's like she was a spoiled rich girl who said she wanted a pet and when her parents got her one, she just took some pictures with it, played with it a little bit, but when it came to actually taking care of it, she made others do all the work.

Asahi: .. Except in my case, I was alone almost the whole time.

Asahi: Like think about it. She didn't even actually adopt me, she just found me and took me in and made everyone believe it was a kid she adopted because she's so nice.

Eiji: Okay, but.. Why did you think she was going to kill you?

Asahi: I said I'm not going to talk to anyone except Miki-nee-

Eiji: You have already answered my question earlier. Why can't you do it this time too?

Asahi: ...

Hinode: Oh, right, when Eiji-san mentioned the immediate danger part-

Asahi: Fine, fine! You are so annoying..

Asahi: Um.. 

Asahi: .. I got really mad at her and she started saying shit like "Oh, I knew I will never be a good mother"  or "I can't give you what you need".

Asahi: And after that, something.. changed. 

Asahi: It's like she didn't know how to play with her cute little toy anymore.

Asahi: We haven't talked that much after that. She couldn't look me in the eyes.

Asahi: And I think the last straw was me hearing her say to her husband..

Asahi: "You were right. Adopting him was a bad idea".

Miki: ...

Hinode: .. Oh.

Asahi: Haha.. If you were me, what would you think she was going to do to you?

Miki: I-I.. I'd think she didn't actually mean it-

Eiji: I'd think she wants to get rid of me.

Asahi: .. Wow, Eiji-nii, can't believe you actually have a brain in that head of yours.

Miki: Did you think she was going to kill you?!

Asahi: Kind of. She was too weak to attack me, I knew that for sure.

Hinode:.. You thought she was going to kick you out of her house, right?

Asahi: .. Yeah.

Hinode: And for someone like you, with nowhere to go, it would be..

Hinode: Not that different from being killed.

Asahi: .. *nods*

Asahi: .. I was scared.

Miki: E-every child would be, Asahi-san, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

Eiji: Still, your whole plan doesn't make any sense.

Eiji: Like sure, you'd kill her, but what were you going to do after that? I doubt her husband was happy to see her corpse. 

Eiji: And I doubt he wanted to do anything with you after that.

Asahi: .. Eiji-nii.

Asahi: I WAS LITERALLY 11 YEARS OLD WHEN I KILLED HER!

Asahi: I HAD ZERO EXPERIENCE! I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING! I JUST KNEW THAT I HAVE TO STOP HER! IT WAS EITHER ME OR HER!

Eiji: OR YOU COULD HAVE JUST ASKED HER WHAT WAS GOING ON!

Asahi: ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO CALL OUT A CHILD FOR NOT BEING GOOD AT KILLING PEOPLE?!

Eiji: GUESS WHAT, SHE'S DEAD, SO YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOOD AT IT, YOU JUST DIDN'T THINK IT THROUGH!

Asahi: FUCK YOU!

(bell rings, machinery sounds)

Asahi: .. It was him who kicked me out. Her husband.

Asahi: Haha.. He really was not happy about her murder..

Hinode: It sounds like he really loved her, but.. You can't just do something so cruel to a child.

Asahi: .. Are you going to vote me guilty this time? Because it wasn't actually self-defense and it was just me being an idiot?

Miki: I don't know about these two, but..

Miki: Please know that I forgive you, Marito.

Eiji and Hinode: Huh?..

Asahi: .. What did you just call me, Miki-nee?

Miki: O-oh, I-

Miki: .. Whatever. You have to know the truth.

Miki: The third trial is getting closer to its end and we don't have much time, so..

Miki:  Asahi-san. I know you don't remember your past that well.

Miki: You're so young, but you have already lost so many of your memories because they were too scary.

Miki: I know how much you want to see your.. "Real mother" again. 

Miki: But I..  I can't promise you that. I-in fact.. I don't think you're ever going to see her.

Miki: B-but, um.. A-at least you have me.

Miki: Asahi-san, do you remember your family well? You know, the people who you were living with before you met that woman?

Asahi: ...

Miki: You don't have to answer. From what I saw in your second video, I can tell that you do remember them, you just don't want to think about it. And that's okay.

Miki: Just.. Please know that I'm your older sister.

Miki: And the name you had before you met that woman was Andou Marito. 

Asahi: ...

Miki: S-sorry. I wish I could've revealed it in.. a different way and not like this.

Asahi: .. It's fine.

Asahi: I.. I think I actually kinda knew that you're my real family.

Miki: ...

Miki: *sobs*

Eiji: Hey, I know, this scene is supposed to be very touching, but can we extract his video already? We have three more prisoners to interrogate.

Eiji: And all of them cause way too much trouble.

Miki: A-ah, right, right.

Miki: Prisoner 007, Asa-

Asahi: Y-you can call me by my real name. It's fine.

Miki: .. Okay.

Miki: Prisoner 007, Marito, sing your sins!

42% ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░░░░░░░░░░░ 100%

[ Asahi Marito's Trial 3 MV: Caterpillar's Cries ]

The video starts with showing us a dark forest. Marito comes out of it and he's not looking good: his hair is messy, his clothes are dirty and he overall looks like he's going to die very soon. He falls on the ground, not having any energy left to walk, and looks up. We see his adoptive mother, Satsuki, and her husband. 

"Hello, who are you? Ah, I see, you're my mother number two

At least that's what you claim to be

But I'm not so sure, I find it hard to believe

My mother would look at me like I was her child and not just a cute new toy"

Satsuki smiles warmly at Marito and holds out her hand to him while her husband turns away. It takes him a moment, but Marito takes her hand.

"But fine, I'll accept your help 

I'll accept your love and affection

Even if I'm not sure if that's what I need

A kid like me doesn't have much of a choice here"

We see Satsuki, her husband and Marito walking into a house that looks really fancy and it really looks like a place where a rich couple would live, but also, their house has a really dark color palette which makes the whole place look intimidating and creepy in some way. Marito looks scared and he walks over to a table. He sees a piece of cake, but just as he's about to take it, someone slaps his hand away and Marito drops the plate on the floor. 

"Hello, who are you? You're not someone I should've become

Does this happen to those who get carried away?

Or does this happen to those who got everything they wanted?

Could it be that you're just like me, except you're completely satisfied?"

The person who slapped his hand away turns out to be Marito himself, but that version of him looks different. This version wears better clothes and simply looks like what you'd expect a rich couple's kid to look like, but his eyes also look.. weird. They look too swirly and colorful. You could say that this version of him is not Andou Marito. It's Yano Asahi.

""Stop, that's enough!" But it will never be enough

Sweet or sour, I don't care, I want everything I could never have

Even if it's rotten, even if it's broken, I just want to have something

Do you understand now? I live like I can die at any moment"

Asahi makes Marito fall on the ground and Marito starts to cry because of how scared he is and because he expects Asahi to hurt him. Suddenly, Asahi stops and looks at Marito. Something about the boy's reaction makes him change his mind and he helps him get up. 

"I don't understand, why do you understand me so well?

It's like you're me, it's like we really are family

Please, please, help me stop feeling so empty

Fill this void, say I'm not alone, say I can have everything, say I can have more"

The boys are walking somewhere now. Marito starts to notice that there's a lot of food, toys and other things lying on the floor as they walk. He starts picking those things up meanwhile Asahi doesn't seem to care about this stuff at all. Marito starts seeing weird ghost-like visions of Satsuki and his other self. They all show Satsuki giving him the exact things that are lying on the floor right now. At first Asahi looks genuinely happy to receive them and thanks her. But as those visions continue to show up, Marito notices that Asahi starts to look more and more disappointed with each new gift, until eventually he rejects one of them, making Satsuki look at him with a confused expression. We don't get to see what this gift looks like exactly and it looks blurry. Marito wonders why this happened and he looks at all the things he picked up. Asahi looks at him and simply shakes his head and sighs. 

"Why would you do this? Are you this ungrateful?

Don't you remember what we had to go through?

Do you really need more? Do I really need more?

Do I need at least something? Or do I need everything?"

Finally, they walk into a room that seems to belong to Asahi. This room has so many toys everywhere that you can't even see the floor. Marito looks at all the toys and his eyes start to sparkle, but then he sees a small table in the middle of the room and three chairs. It looks like Asahi has decided to hold a tea party. 

Now we see Marito, Asahi and a plushie having a tea party together. Marito looks happy, but Asahi looks like he's thinking deeply about something. Marito notices it and takes one of the plushies and makes it kiss Asahi on the cheek and smiles. 

"Why are you so nice? It's like we really are family

Maybe kindness really was what I needed from the start

I just wanted someone to hug me and say that they love me

I was tired from all the gifts that had no love inside"

Asahi blushes and tries to act serious, but it also looks like he's.. sad for some reason. Marito continues to drink his tea..

Until he suddenly drops his cup. It looks like he's in pain. 

""Stop, that's enough!" But it will never be enough

No matter how hard anyone tries, I will never be satisfied

It's time for me to admit that I will never be truly happy

Do you understand now? Maybe death was what I wanted from the start"

Marito falls on the floor while Asahi watches him and when Marito looks at him, he sees that he's.. crying. Asahi walks over to him with that plushie in his hands and he gives it to him. Marito takes the plushie and hugs it. He closes his eyes. 

"It's fine, it's okay, as long as you love me and I love you

Maybe your love will satisfy the hunger I've felt since the day I was born

Or maybe it will do nothing but make the void consume me

Honestly, I just want to be loved, who cares about the consequences?"

He opens his eyes again. They are as weird as Asahi's. He's wearing the exact same clothes as him. Satsuki walks into his room. She's holding the same toy Asahi rejected in one of the visions.

"Please, say that I am a good kid

Say that you will take care of me, say that one day your house will feel like home

Please don't throw me away

Don't punish me for my greed, forgive me again and again and again"

It's a caterpillar plushie.

The video ends. 

[giddlygoat]

that scene in pacific rim where his brother dies while they’re linked and he describes it as a sudden nothingness that will never leave him. like half of his mind and soul became empty but did not vanish, because he carries that emptiness with him forever now. yeah man. that’s just what having a close sibling is like

[labyrynth]

ok so your first problem was assuming mdzs is a story where Good People are Rewarded and Bad People are Punished.

your second problem was assuming that MXTX—who goes out of her way to showcase unresolved, tragic, undeserved endings in all of her works—would ever write a story with such a shallow notion of “deserving.”

the only reason wangxian makes it out unscathed is because they’re literally the protagonists. authorial intent and plot armor ensure their happy ending. that’s it.

[toastytrusty]

the character/story building tool of want vs need except it's roman roy's want for security and emotional repression and toxcity and to be controlled by someone else because he doesn't know how to be his own person formed into a character as mencken vs his need to be understood and seen and affirmed and allowed to be emotional and the freedom to be his unapologetic self without his family and company and legacy strangling him formed into a character as lukas. If u even care

[perilegs]

ok i might need to force myself to not romance astarion bc i don't want to know what it says about me to turn down karlach, the woman of my dreams, the character made to cater me personally, like, if she was real i'd bring the moon and stars down for the chance to see her smile, she's everything i've hoped for in a rpg companion, what does it say about me if i turn that down for someone like astarion

[simcardiac-arrested]

Rikki cutscene?

phhhhhh my godd covering my mouth and giggling and kicking my legs and rolling around in bed and. rikki . she is everything to me. she’s like if a girl was sooo fail and had everything wrong ever. imagine masking your entire life and pretending that everything is okay. pretending you enjoy the golden child #lifestyle and that you’re actually really respectful and polite and considerate. But actually u are so full of anger. so full of rage and violence. but it’s ok really <3 you’ve been suppressing your emotions for decades and shelving away every problem ever but it’s fineeeeeee believe me it’s fine. it’s all good. yiu’re not even mad. it’s not avoidant and conflict averse behavior it’s just literally fine. also it’s less hassle if there’s no problems and everything’s gucci and no one’s mad (you are mad though. but like dont worry about it). it’s much less hassle to pretend like nothing has ever bothered you at all and to just nod along. you just don’t want trouble. you don’t want to get into trouble. you’re not honest, you might even push someone else under the bus if it helps you stay afloat. you’re only caring and considerate when it benefits you, you don’t actually know any of these people, you don’t actually respect any of them. it’s just easier to pretend like you do. and all you ever wanted was an escape, and you got it, and was it worth it? of course it was, you were doing the right thing, you were following your dreams and saving both him and you. he just didn’t understand—he’s your little brother, of course he didn’t understand. he never even cared, did he? or, wait, you shouldnt badmouth the dead—except of course he’s not dead, everything is fine, he’s just been missing for what, 7 years? but it’s fine. if you acknowledge something bad might have happened to him all those two decades of repressed feelings might just drown you for good. he’s fine. and then it turns out he really is fine. he’s just alive, and—oh. he hates you. he thinks you didn’t care. he thinks you abandoned him (he thinks you hated him). but what else were you supposed to do? you were just trying to save you both, to do the right thing. you wanted a better life. it’s not your fault that you lied, you were just trying to avoid pointless conflict—it’s less hassle that way. but of course he still got mad, because he’s him, and he only ever thinks about himself. and now he thinks you didn’t care. ridiculous. maybe he didn’t care when he tried to talk you out of following your dreams. maybe he didn’t care when he didn’t even leave a note, any sort of explanation. maybe he didn’t care when he said you didn’t care! because that’s so stupid, of course you cared, all you ever cared about was him. see, you did the right thing. you simply knew better. he doesn’t understand. nobody does (nobody ever understood how hard it’s been being the perfect one). but it’s okay. everything’s fine. you guys aren’t even fighting. you’re not even mad! everything’s good. it’s all okay. sure, your brother takes any chance he gets to antagonize you and act like the only victim on planet earth, but really, it’s all good. because you’re so polite. and you’re so respectful, and so considerate, so calm, so rational, so obedient, so perfect. nothing could ever get under your skin (except everything). nothing could ever make you mad (except everyone). and surely nothing could ever make you blow up, make the dam inside you finally burst, make all your anger and grief and every bad emotion under the sun known.

(…except him.)

[pythoria]

hello everyone! a quick break from your scheduled art posting to talk about this incredible fic i think ever bloodweave enjoyer should read.

i know it'a already very popular, but imo it's a must-read. i could not praise this fic enough for what it is, the amazing ideas it brings to the table, the incredible execution of the timeloop trope. it's by far the fic i look forward to seeing in my inbox the most (not that other fics aren't absolutely gorgeous), because every chapter is just. a delight to read. it's got angst, fluff, and an amazing romance, but the plot is what really makes it stand out. it's tight, packed with great characterisation and has perfect pacing. please give it a shot if that sounds at all interesting to you. oh yeah, and did i mention that it's got art for every single chapter? yeah, read it. bask in its genius.

[lisascumslut78]

i'll have known you for two years soon. isn't that absolutely insane

oh my god you're. that is insane what the fuck.

[fragmentedblade]

I've actually found a coherent (negative) criticism on Jingli.u's quest!! Wow!! It's in Chinese on weibo

This user said her behaviour is very double standard. That she criticises and condemns both Dan Fen.g and Yingx.ing severely for trying to bring back Bai.heng in any way, but then she goes to visit Bail.u and tells her that seeing her is better than any medicine. And the user is right! That's exactly why they did what they did (well, I've always been of the opinion that Dan Fen.g had more reasons going on based on the in game information), so why the insistent asking to Blade?

The user also says that Jingliu doesn't really behave at all like a friend, that while very believable that she loved and was close to Bai.heng, it's hard to believe the same thing when it comes to Yingxi.ng and Dan Fen.g. They said that nowadays we still see instances through the Xianzhou in which they are both spoken about in positive terms, that Yingxi.ng is talked about as a legendary furnace master, and we can even stumble upon good opinions on Dan Fen.g, but that Jingli.u never shows that kind of understanding for people in theory she loved, knew personally and was close to.

I don't agree entirely with this, I do think there was a lot of fondness from Jingliu shining through despite everything (especially towards Yin.gxing, in my opinion), but I do think it's a somewhat fair criticism. I loved how they mention that despite everything the Xianzhou's view on Yingxin.g and Dan Fen.g isn't just negative. They're right, and it's a detail I love.

[2024skin]

Gotta keep the no weed posts to a minimum lest people think it's actually a good thing I'm smoking less

[sschmendrick]

I kinda miss hanging out with old people. All my friends used to be old people.

But the older I grow, and the more I'm expected to behave well like a normal adult, the harder I find it to keep those links. I'm lost between trying to stick to a script I don't know the words of to have a proper normal and interesting relationship for them, and allowing myself to screw up a little, be boring, be interested in stuff they aren't, having opinions they don't agree with (for silly stuff like music, though yk me), not be cool. Cause the latter stresses me out. Cause I see no reason for people to want to be friends with me if not that.