#also rose if u read this i’m sorry. i hope you don’t regret giving it to me now sksksk <3

[margaetyrell]

btw sorry i’m done talking about it but. i really can’t stop thinking how funny it was that 1. i make a post two days ago confessing my hate on inthaf 2. someone compliments my url and i proudly say that i won’t ever change it 3. right away, the person behind THE literal inthaf url offers me this one, which is basically a dream to me. and i’m just???? lmao my life is surreal in a good way sometimes, ngl

[oscar-lettjohanssonloveme]

Little Sunshine (Miss Venable x reader x Alice Macray)

okay..hi :) this is reallyyyy long xD And its the story of this 3 cuties and how they fell in love with each other.. Well, its a little bit like the 3. part of “purple roses” (purple roses u can find here: https://littlejeaniehugsbumblebees.tumblr.com/post/640902350735818752/purple-roses-ms-venable-x-reader ) 

I know, that there is no second part online today, but there will be! If u didnt read the first part, u dont need to, coz i wrote this fanfiction that way, that u dont have to read the first part, i guess its angst idk

anygays my english is a mess, thats why i use google translate:’)

can we just talk about the fact, how perfect alice and mina would match? Mina the hot top with all that bdsm vibes and on the other hand we got the cute and innocent Alice sksksks

I guess Mina is the protagonist of this fanfic 

A good description of your relationship would have been complicated. Because it was all incredibly complicated. Don't get me wrong, you loved your girlfriends and they loved you, but sometimes when you woke up between the two of them, when Mina had her arms wrapped around you from behind and when Alice was cuddled with her head against your chest, you might just be confused how all of that could be possible.

And sometimes you couldn't help but wonder what your life would be like without one of your girlfriends. But you knew that you could never live without one of them, that was a fact.

You needed both to be happy, there was no other way.

Mina brought firmness and structure into your life. Thanks to her, you had developed routines for your daily routine and were no longer so distracted. And you loved the fact about her that she was more rational than emotional about things.

And every time she went on a business trip and left Alice and you at home alone, a huge mess broke out and all structures were thrown away.

You would oversleep in the morning, be late for work and your house would turn into a huge disaster and mess.

It just wouldn't work without Mina.

Alice, on the other hand, was the most innocent, gentle, and naive person you had ever met. Mina helped you solve your problems, but Alice helped you understand and accept them. In addition, Alice was incredibly cute and she was fantastic at cooking.

And whenever you needed it, she was there to hug you and tell you how much she loved you.

And the proof that it wouldn't work without Alice was the relationship you had with Mina before Alice came into your life. At the moment when everything you had with Mina broke, it seemed like God would have sent a gentle angel to save you.

----------------------

"This is going to be a new record .." you said as you leaned into the door frame to watch your girlfriend who was still working at her desk.

"What do you mean?", She lifted her gaze from her laptop in confusion to stare at you with a frown.

"You have been home for 4 hours and are still working .."

Mina sighed and rubbed her temples.

"I just have to make one phone call and then I'm done .." she muttered with her eyes closed.

"You always say that ..." you started, shaking your head. "One last phone call, one last document, one last email ... and then it's 10 p.m."

Mina was startled at your words and took a quick look at the clock on her laptop. You were right, it was 10 p.m.

"I doesn't matter ..." you sighed and turned to go back into the hallway.

"I'm going to bed, good night Wilhemina ..."

"Good night .." she replied quietly and stared after you.

Wilhemina.

That's what you called her only when you were angry.

Mina swore quietly and grabbed her phone before dialing the directory assistance number and letting it ring.

"Uhm..Hello, you're connected to the directory assistance, I'm Alice ..", came a soft female voice, which sounded a bit too happy for Mina's taste.

"I want you to find Lennox Fischer's private email address for me ..", Mina said in a commanding tone.

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment before the woman, Alice, continued.

"We have actually been closed since 6 p.m. .."

"Then you shouldn't have answered the call, could you still find this address for me?" Mina sighed and propped her chin on her palm.

"Give me a minute ... I've only been working here for a few weeks ...", Alice laughed nervously and Mina closed her eyes in annoyance.

"That's when I realize I shouldn't have told you my name .." Alice remarked after a few seconds.

"How tragic .." Mina replied ironically and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Do you have the email address?"

"I'm sorry..but what was the name again?"

"Damn it, it's not that difficult. Then why do you have this job if you can't get anything done anyway? I've rarely met someone who is as damn unqualified as you," barked Mina and slapped the table with the flat of her hand.

"You have no idea .." the other woman yelled back.

"Can you all stop being so impatient with me? I'm only human too ... And all because you're too lazy to look for it yourself and now take out your frustration on me ... I'm getting this right now not paid either, so it takes as long as it takes. And if you have a problem with it, fuck off.."

Miss Venable stared in confusion at the phone in her hand.

"Uhm, I'm sorry ..", she stammered overwhelmed.

"It's just that my girlfriend is impatiently waiting for me to finally get to bed .."

On the other end of the phone, Alice snorted.

"Yours too, yes? Get a divorce from her, even if she's just your girlfriend, it makes everything easier..You know- "

"Lennox Fischer ..", Mina interrupted the woman to bring her back to the subject.

"Oh yeah .. m'sorry .." Alice muttered and laughed nervously again. "You have to know that I got divorced from my husband two months ago and it's all a little bit complicated .."

"Aha."

"Well, I now have his email address, can you write it down? Then I'll dictate it to you .." Alice said and Mina sat down straight again to type in the email address down that Alice dictated to her on the phone.

"Good .." Alice said and sounded polite again.

"Then I thank you for your call and hope I could help you .."

Mina let out a small snort and had to grin at the strange woman.

"I have to thank you .." she muttered before hanging up and finally shutting down her laptop.

When she finally opened the door to your bedroom, you were lying with your back to her in bed and she couldn't tell whether you were still awake or already asleep. She undressed quietly and then climbed into bed behind you.

"Honey?" She whispered softly as she leaned over to gently press kisses against your exposed shoulder. "Are you still awake?"

"Nope .." you made with your eyes closed and Mina laughed quietly.

You blinked against the darkness of the room as you turned your head to face her. Your girlfriend was hunched over you naked, looking guiltily at you. After staring at her for a moment, you reached out your hand to reach behind her head and carefully pulled the hair tie out of her hair. Long red hair fell down her face and the ends of her hair tickled your cheeks.

"I'm done with everything now .." she whispered, smiling gently.

"Now is half past ten ..", your hand slid from the back of her head to her cheek to linger there.

"Now is a little bit late.."

"I know and I'm sorry .." she muttered and you could hear the regret in her voice. But a simple "sorry" wasn't enough for you anymore.

You sighed before you sat up and leaned against the headboard of the bed.

"Look, I know you have to work a lot, but sometimes it's just too much you know?"

Mina, who had also leaned against the headboard, nodded shortly before you continued.

"It's not about that the whole thing can't be healthy for you. I mean more us ... Although that might be a bit selfish, I know you love your work, but I uhm .. I don't know- you know, you work all the time and even on weekends and I know it's not your fault, but I just can't do this anymore..I'm sorry that I claim your affection so much, but I just need you and you have no time .. "

Carefully you looked over at Mina, who sadly returned your gaze.

"I'm sorry .." she whispered and grabbed your hand to pull you close to her so you could rest your head on her chest.

"I'll do better, I promise .."

"I know I'm no better myself .." you muttered as she began to comb through your hair gently.

"As a professor at this college, I have to work a lot too, but not until 10 p.m."

"I'll do better .." she repeated and you smiled before leaning over to press your lips against her cheek for a moment.

"That's all I want .." you pulled back and lay back on your side of the bed. Your girlfriend was not long in coming and lay behind you before she put an arm around you and pulled you back to her.

"What do you think if we go out after work tomorrow ..?" She whispered in your ear.

You hummed in agreement. "That's a great idea..".

"Yes?"

"Yeah .." you muttered with your eyes closed.

"Good night Mina ..".

"Good night baby .."

---------------

You slammed the car door angrily before turning around to stomp up the steps to your front door. You were angry. Very angry. After you hurried to get off work as quickly as possible, you drove to the restaurant where you had an appointment, only to wait an hour for someone who didn't come and now you drove back home and then to see Mina's car parked in the garage.

"Wilhemina fucking Venable .." you shouted as you opened the front door.

"How dare you humiliate me so much ..".

You ran to her workspace and as you expected she was sitting at her desk in front of her laptop and seemed to be working. Her brown eyes widened when she saw you angrily standing in the doorway.

"I'm so sorry ..", she stammered and got up.

"Oh of course you are .." you hissed with narrowed eyes.

"I called you 4 times while I sat in this stupid restaurant for an hour .. You can't imagine how embarrassing it was, the waiter felt so sorry for me that I didn't have to pay for my tea .. "

Your girlfriend stared helplessly at you.

"Like I said, I'm sorry, Y / N .. i was just so busy and then I forgot .."

"So do you admit you've forgotten? You know, at one point I thought you might be doing this on purpose because you think it's funny."

"I never could, I-", she began, but you raised your hand to silence her.

"The only problem is that you always do that .." you bit your lip.

"You promise me so often that you will spend time with me only to then skip it for your work .. Then just leave it straight away and I don't always have to make myself hopes, only to be disappointed ..".

"Y / N please .. I'm as good as finished .. We can still go somewhere and have dinner ..", she looked at you desperately, but you just shook your head.

"Just forget it, Mina .." you muttered before turning around to leave her workspace . She looked after you sadly before let out a frustrated moan and slumped back into her desk chair.

How could she have forgotten?

Reluctantly, she picked up her phone and dialed the directory assistance number like the night before.

"Hello, you are connected to Directory Assistance .." said the same soft voice as last night.

"Alice ..", Mina remarked and didn't really want to notice.

"Ohh you're the rude woman from last night .." Alice laughed on the other end of the phone.

"The one with the impatient girlfriend .."

"Now more likely the one with the hating girlfriend ..".

"What did you do wrong?", Mina could hear real concern in the woman's voice and that confused her. She didn't even know this woman.

"She's upset because I always move her for work .." she mumbled.

"It's not your fault if you have to work."

"Exactly! ..", Mina shouted loudly and was surprised by her own volume.

At the other end it was quiet and Mina noticed that the whole thing was more than just private right now. She cleared her throat just before continuing.

"Can you find out Leigh Chaplin's phone number for me?"

"Of course..give me a minute .." Alice muttered and Mina heard Alice tapping on the keyboard through the receiver. For a brief moment Mina thought about just hanging up. That call was quite weird and had taken on a very personal direction. But just when she really wanted to hang up, Alice began to dictate the phone number to her and she had to take notes.

--------------------

Mina had decided to make amends for what had happened a few days ago. The only problem was, whenever you had time, she couldn't. And once she was done with everything, you had to work. It was a never-ending cycle that dragged you both further and further down. And the worst part was that you both knew that and still couldn't do anything about it. She loved her work as much as you loved yours and neither of you would ever be willing to sacrifice your work for the other.

And yet Mina had decided to make it up to you and that meant for her to help you with saving time. That's why she was now at the city library to bring back the books for you that you had borrowed a few weeks ago. Actually you had your own little library in your house, because you valued books very much, but at some point all these books were read and you were both not people who read books again.

And as a college professor, you had a habit of researching books rather than the internet anyway.

Here she was now, hobbling her stick through the library building. Which turned out to be quite difficult as she was holding your books in one arm and then had to go through the big building with her stick. If she were to trip and fall, she would have no way of catching herself. Mina knew that this would probably never happen, but still she didn't like the feeling.

But of course it happened as it had to, as always in such situations. It wasn't Mina who fell, but it was one of the books that slipped out of the crook of her arm and landed with a thud on the wooden floor of the library. How much she hated that ... such situations were almost unbearable for her. Simply because it was embarrassing to know that because of her scoliosis she was unable to bend down to pick up the book herself.

She wanted to swear loudly, but she knew that a library might not be the best place for this. She poked her senselesslyn stick around on the book and tried to put it upright somehow, only to grab it. But it was useless. Of course it had to be the thickest of your books that she had dropped. Her stick seemed to be against it like a thin branch.

"Let me help you .." suddenly came a soft voice from behind her and made her flinch. Mina turned around and looked into the friendly face of a petite woman with light brown hair.

"Your book ..", the woman said when Mina didn't answer and pointed to it with an outstretched finger. Again Miss Venable didn't answer and just stared at the woman in front of her. She was 100% sure she had never seen her before, but her voice ... She knew that soft voice, she just didn't know where from.

Without hesitating for another second, the strange woman bent down and picked up the book.

"You are welcome ..", she smiled and put the book back in the crook of Mina.

"Thank you ..", Mina mumbled, still staring at the woman in front of her, confused.

"I'm sorry, but do we know each other?"

"I think I would know that..", the woman laughed and suddenly Mina knew who she was looking at.

"You're Alice .." she uttered. "Alice from directory assistance ..".

Alice's eyes widened.

"Then you must be the one with the impatient, hating girlfriend .."

Mina's pale skin turned red at the other woman's words and she began tapping the floor with her stick in an irregular rhythm, as she always did when she was nervous.

"I may have exaggerated a bit .." she muttered. "She doesn't hate me ..".

"Well, I'm glad .." Alice honestly smiled before she nodded at the books in Mina's arms with her chin. "By the way, you have a very good taste in books .."

Mina's gaze followed that of the woman in front of her and landed on the book that she had dropped.

"Oh..these aren't my books, my girlfriend read them .."

"So she has a very good taste in books ...".

Mina nodded briefly while she was still staring at Alice. The fact that she had actually met this woman was so weird that it couldn't be a coincidence.

"Uhm .. I should bring the books back .." she muttered and Alice nodded quickly.

"I can wait .." said Alice.

"So .. if you want .." she added quickly when she noticed Mina frown.

Mina narrowed her eyes while she could only stare again. Alice exuded such confidence and she was so kind, it was like she couldn't help but agree.

"Okay .." Mina muttered. "Just give me a minute ..".

Alice's eyes began to glow.

"Perfect .." she said, beaming. "I'll wait outside."

Mina nodded shortly before leaving Alice to return the books.

"Where is your car?" Mina asked Alice as she stepped out of the library.

"Oh uhm I came here on foot .." Alice muttered and Mina frowned.

"It's getting dark .." she said curtly and Alice, who obviously didn't know what to do with that remark, nodded shortly.

"I can drive you home."

Mina studied Alice's face for any dislikes, but the woman just smiled again.

"That would be nice..".

Mina nodded again before going to her car with Alice.

"Well ..", Mina began after getting into the car with Alice.

"Where do you live?" She looked at Alice from the side, who was desperately trying to put the strap over her blouse so that it wouldn't crease.

"Uhm..Woodhill Avenue ..", the woman mumbled when she was finally satisfied.

"You can't be serious ..", Mina stared at Alice, not sure whether to laugh or be upset. "We live on the same street .."

"Oh really?" Alice's eyes lit up again.

Mina just hummed in agreement before starting the car.

For a few minutes they drove through the crowded streets and neither said a word. And although something like that was usually uncomfortable, at that moment it was actually quite pleasant, at least that's what Mina thought.

"Actually we know the whole neighborhood, but I've never heard of an Alice, nor have I seen you ...", she said finally as she turned into the long street of Woodhill Avenue.

"Well .. actually I don't live there .. I think I told you that I separated from my husband and since then I've been living with my daughter ..", Alice explained and Mina didn't even need to look at her to see how the woman was uncomfortable with the topic.

"I'm sorry .." she said curtly.

"Oh no .. you know, I'm happy the way it is now, at least I'm happier than I was with Buck a few months ago ..".

Mina didn't know what to answer, so she decided not to say anything again.

"Do you know the people who live in this house?" Alice suddenly asked and pointed to the building that Mina referred to as her home. "Venable and Y / L / N are their names .. My daughter told me that everyone is afraid of them .."

Mina stared at Alice and when she realized that the woman was serious, she started to laugh.

"Is it really that bad that everyone is afraid of us?", Mina said and couldn't help but grin as she watched the eyes of the woman next to her widen.

"Wait..I- you live in the house with your girlfriend?" Alice stammered and Mina nodded.

"I'm so sorry ... God ..this embarrassing .."

Alice buried her face in her hands and stared between her fingers at the house where you lived with Mina.

"Well, it's a nice house ..", she muttered, trying to get out of this situation somehow. Mina just snorted in amusement before continuing down the street with the car.

"Which house does your daughter live in?"

"In the green one over there .." Alice muttered and Mina's eyes landed on a green low-rise building.

"Ohh your daughter is Evangeline ..", Mina remarked as she parked the car in front of the house.

"You know her?" Alice sounded confused.

Mina nodded.

"I've never really spoken to her before, but I know her .."

"Okay .." Alice frowned before reaching for the seat belt to unbuckle her.

"That's when I notice, I don't even know what your name is ..".

"Miss Venable .." Mina said curtly and bit the inside of her cheek.

"uhm..or Wilhemina .."

Alice smiled.

"Well, then thank you, Wilhemina, for taking me home .."

"Good Night, Alice ..", Mina muttered and had to smile again.

"Good Night .." Alice repeated before getting out of the car and disappearing into the green house. And Mina couldn't help but stare after her.

In her mind, for whatever reason, she was back on the day the two of you had met in the flower shop where you had been working at the time. Even then, she had wanted to smile all the time.

When Mina finally stood in front of the house for a few minutes and finally decided to go home, she felt nothing but guilty feelings and she did not know who these feelings were for: Alice, because Mina had let her go or you, because she felt exactly the same  things right now as she did when you and Mina first met.

----------------------

It was Saturday evening and Alice was on her way to the house of the interesting woman she had met in person a few days ago. Somewhere she had a guilty conscience, as it was already 10 p.m. and it was probably impolite to disturb Mina so late, but she really wanted to see Wilhemina again and at the same time she really wanted to get to know you.

She stepped onto the site of your house and hesitantly raised her hand to the bell before finally pressing her finger against the little button.

When two minutes later still nothing had moved, Alice actually wanted to turn around and go home, but then she remembered that Mina probably needed longer due to her stick and that's why she stayed. And actually a few seconds later an angry looking Mina opened the door for her.

When Alice saw Mina's angry look, she was afraid for a moment that she had more than just disturbed, but when Mina recognized her, her look softened.

"Alice .." Mina uttered happily and Alice could see the woman in front of her trying to suppress a smile, which she failed.

"Uhm..I hope I'm not bothering .." Alice gave Mina, who quickly shook her head, a bright smile.

"No .." said the woman, her face serious again. "How can I help you?"

"Uhm well, I've got something for your girlfriend .." Alice muttered as she reached into her pocket to get the book out before she passed it to Mina.

"I saw on Thursday that your friend had checked out the first part .. I thought she might want to read the second part too .. It doesn't exist in the library .."

"Oh that's nice ..", Mina picked up the book.

"But unfortunately she's not at home all weekend because of a seminar .."

Alice frowned

"Are you sure you're the one who transfers his girlfriend because of work?" She asked and watched Mina just shake her head.

"I think you have a completely wrong picture of her ..", Mina muttered and chewed her lower lip.

"Isn't that important either, do you want to come in?"

"Sure .." Alice nodded quickly and started smiling again.

When Mina led Alice into the living room, Alice couldn't help but be impressed. The walls of the great room were lined up with full bookshelves sorted in alphabetical order. A large chandelier hung from the ceiling and was not switched on because a fire was burning in a large marble fireplace. In the middle of the room was a large dark red carpet on which a dark wing chair, a couch made of the same dark fabric and a square wooden table with short table legs stood.

Alice's gaze caught on the wing chair Mina had obviously been sitting in, before Alice rang the bell. A blanket lay untidy on the seat, covered with an open book and on the table was a half-empty glass with red wine. On the edge of the glass Alice could see traces of Mina's dark lipstick.

"Excuse the chaos, please ..", she heard Mina say behind her. Alice let out a low snort.

"Chaos .." she repeated mumbling and turned to Mina. Except for the few things on the wing chair, the house seemed to have been furnished down to the last detail.

"Do you drink wine?" Asked Mina, clutching her stick with both hands.

"Sure." Alice replied curtly.

"Red or white?"

"White, please ..".

"Well, then wait here for a moment ..", Mina said before turning around to leave the room.

Alice looked after the woman briefly before going to the dark sofa to sit on it. She sat there for a moment, but then the pictures on the mantelpiece caught her eye and she got up again to walk to the fireplace to take a closer look at the pictures.

All of the pictures showed Mina and a woman Alice was unfamiliar with, but Alice was smart enough to say that it was you, Mina's girlfriend.

And she noticed that Mina was right when she said Alice had the wrong picture of you. You didn't see at all like someone that could be impatient or strict. All these pictures showed you laughing honestly, with a cocky twinkle in your eyes. And of course Mina, who, as always, tried to suppress her smile. Alice grinned at the thought.

Each picture showed a different moment, presumably dates or vacations and all in one, Alice thought that you and Mina looked cute together, at least in the photos.

"So you've already discovered Y / N's altar .." mumbled Mina, who suddenly appeared next to Alice.

"Oh yes .. It's cute ..", Alice said and took the glass of white wine, which Mina held out to her before she mumbled a little "thank you".

"I think it's rather cheesy, but it was her idea ..", Mina stared critically at the pictures and for a few seconds neither said anything.

"She's pretty .." Alice finally remarked and Mina just nodded.

"She is.."

Alice's gaze wandered carefully from the pictures to Mina, who was staring sadly down at the pictures.

"You know, I think this is what I like the most .." she suddenly mumbled and tapped an actually inconspicuous picture with her finger. It showed you both in your winter coats squinting your eyes against the flash of the selfie camera. It was also pretty blurry.

"I know it's nothing special .." Mina explained. "But the moment behind it was special ... It was New Year's Eve last year and shortly before midnight we climbed onto the roof of the skyscraper in which she lived at the time, to watch the fireworks from there. I remember exactly how she was angry when I forced her to come on the roof with me .. it was pretty cold ..

But I wanted it to be special when I propose to her .. "

Alice's eyes widened.

"Are you engaged?"

Mina shook her head and smiled sadly.

"We were engaged .. but she broke off the engagement three months ago until .. until things were settled .. You already know how complicated everything is at the moment .."

Alice looked worriedly into Mina's sad eyes before slowly nodding.

"I understand .." she said softly.

"You know, I really love her, but it's just so weird .." Mina pinched the bridge of her nose. "I met her a couple of years ago in the flower shop she worked and earned next to nothing and actually had a shitty life, and now she's been working as a professor for a college for a few months and is finally happy with that... and that is great, don't get me wrong, but we hardly have no time for each other, because now she also has to work long hours ... and it's like she pretends that it's all my fault .. "

"I'm sorry .." Alice muttered before stretching out her arms and pulling the woman into a hug. Alice felt that Mina was uncomfortable when she lay tense in her arms, but when she wanted to withdraw, Mina quickly put her arms around Alice and hugged her back. Alice put her head on Mina's shoulder and inhaled the woman's lavender perfume. They stayed that way for a few minutes, until Mina finally cleared her throat and withdrew.

"M'sorry .." she muttered without looking at Alice and Alice could see the tear marks on her face.

"We shouldn't talk about this anymore .."

Alice nodded quickly. "If I got too close to you, I'm sorry .. "

She followed Mina, who sat down on the couch and sat with enough space next to her.

"Now that you've heard my shit, I'd love to hear yours .." Mina said, giving Alice a subtle sideways look. Alice blinked a few times and thought about it for a moment. Actually, she didn't really know the woman and a divorce is not really a pleasant topic for an evening like this, but a few seconds ago Mina had stood in her arms and cried, so what was wrong with it?

"Uhm .. so I've been divorced for 2 months ..", she began and for the next two hours she told Mina the whole story with Phyllis Schlafly, the E.R.A. and that Houston had somehow opened her eyes and she'd been working on directory assistance ever since. She told Mina about her children and that she couldn't believe she was a grandma. And then she told her about Buck and that for a few years she had wondered if what she had with him was really what she wanted the rest of her life to be.

To be honest, Alice wouldn't normally have been so talkative if it wasn't because of the alcohol. She usually didn't drink, so a glass of Mina's expensive white wine was enough to get her drunk.

"You know, I only noticed now how bad that asshole was in bed ..." she laughed out loud and held onto Mina's thigh. "Well in any case our house belongs to him and I have to live with my daughter .."

Mina, who was just as sober as she was a few hours earlier, might have been a little overwhelmed by Alice's drunkenness, but somehow she found it incredibly cute.

"I'm sorry .." she muttered and Alice missed the worried look the woman was giving her.

"Yikes .." Alice suddenly made as she stared intently at the clock on the wall.

"Am I wrong or is it 14 minutes past midnight?"

Mina was shocked at her words and had to find out that it was actually that late.

"I should call your daughter, then she can pick you up ..".

"Oh let Evangeline sleep .." Alice waved her off.

"I can just sleep with you .. you know I like you, you're nice to me and don't treat me like the failure that I am. Even if you were pretty mean to me on the phone ..".

Alice grinned crookedly before leaning forward and dropping her head into Mina's lap. Mina winced and immediately got up to let Alice rudely fall back on the sofa. The drunk woman let out a low wail and looked reproachfully up at Mina.

"We should put you to bed .." she mumbled and pulled Alice into an upright position before she gently grabbed her arm and pulled her up the stairs with her.

"Uhm .. this is the guest room ...", Mina muttered as they stood in the door frame of the room. Alice stared into the beautifully decorated guest room, which was so much better than the sofa she'd slept on for months. But it wasn't what she wanted.

"You know, I can sleep with you..", she remarked and looked carefully at Mina, who seemed frozen.

"Okay .." Mina finally said before stepping out of the doorway and leading Alice into your bedroom.

A large king-size bed stood with its head against the wall and filled most of the room. One side of the bed faced the door. Alice' gaze ran to the bedside cabinet on this side of the bed and could see reading glasses, a pill box and a tube of some kind of cream next to a small lamp. She suspected that Mina slept here. The other nightstand was a lot messier. Unused kleenex were piled on top of each other while a pair of gold earrings lay on the lamp stand. On one corner of the cupboard was an empty glass, but it was definitely used. And then there was a big black hairbrush and either it was Mina's red hair that was caught in it or you had the same hair color as your girlfriend, which Alice found unlikely. On the wall next to this side of the bed was a large painting with some flowers on it. Alice's eyes wandered to a large ground plant that stood in the corner of the room. She noticed that she had seen beautiful flowers all over the house and she remembered Mina saying that you had once worked in a flower shop.

All in all it was a nice bedroom, but Alice only saw the best part when she had stepped completely into the room:

On the wall opposite the foot of the bed was a huge picture window, which allowed a view of the neighborhood and the beautiful night sky. That was the advantage if you didn't live in the city. Alice couldn't help but grin than her eyesremained hanging on the black grand piano, which crowned the bedroom on top of everything else.

"A piano in the bedroom?", She turned to Mina, grinning, who turned red for whatever reason.

"Y / N can play the piano and when I gave this one to her, she wanted it to be here ..", Mina explained and nervously began tapping the floor with her stick to a random rhythm.

"It's pretty cheesy, but you should hear her play ...".

Alice nodded quickly and put on a neutral expression again when she realized that Mina didn't like her grin.

"I imagine it would be nice to wake up in the morning and then hear the piano .." she muttered and looked back at the piano.

"Anyway ..", Mina said and held her stick tighter again.

"We're about the same size, you can have my nightgown if you want ..".

Alice turned back to her and gave the woman a grateful smile.

"That would be nice..".

Mina only nodded shortly before she left the room, only to come back a minute later in a lavender nightgown.

"I'm going to change in the bathroom while you can do this here ..", she explained as Alice took the nightgown and mumbled a little "thank you".

And less than 5 minutes later Alice, who was actually still drunk, was lying in bed next to a completely stranger and, like Mina, stared at the ceiling in silence. And yet she would have preferred nowhere and it was the first evening in weeks that she could fall asleep without any worries.

---------------------

Contrary to Mina's guess, the next morning hadn't been weird at all. Actually nothing special had happened, but Mina had been worried about Alice's drunkenness, but the woman had been kind as always.

And while everything was fine between Alice and her, she worried about what was between her and you. She felt incredibly guilty and could never have told you that a strange woman had slept in your bed. Mina knew that Alice was way too innocent to think anything about it when she and Mina shared the bed, but you didn't know Alice and you would never understand.

Miss Venable couldn't deny that the brunette had turned her head. Alice was so gentle, it was almost impossible to feel uncomfortable in her presence and Mina finally had someone who understood her and who showed her compassion.

And when you came home on Sunday night and she pushed you right against your front door to kiss you passionately, she did that not only to show you how much she had missed you, but also to prove to herself that she still loved you . Because she did, but what she felt when she saw Alice confused her feelings and it scared her.

It was Thursday afternoon and Mina was on her way home. She had tried again and again over the past few days to show you how much she loved you, but for whatever reason, that only made it worse. At least you just seemed to get a little bit more bitter every day, and she couldn't explain why.

Mina let out an aggressive growl when she sounded the horn because the light turned green and the idiot in front of her stopped driving.

She had got out of work late and now had to hurry to get home, even if she didn't really want to go there. You'd only be disappointed again because she was late again.

Nervously, she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she drove home as fast as she could. She was almost in your street when she spotted none other than Alice on the pedestrian path and automatically her bad mood had flown away. Mina stopped next to Alice on the side of the road before pulling down the passenger door window to see Alice's surprised face.

"Jesus Mina .." Alice exclaimed, clutching her chest.

Mina raised an eyebrow and grinned.

"I thought church mice dont swear ..".

"Actually, I don't swear either .." Alice stammered. "But do you have any idea how scary it is when someone pulls up their car next to you?"

"So am I someone then?"

"No .. but .. you know what I mean ..".

Mina nodded curtly before leaning forward to open the passenger door.

"I guess, you want to go home?"

"Oh yes ..", Alice smiled gratefully at Mina before climbing into the car.

"So how are you Mina?" Alice asked after they had driven for a few minutes.

"M'fine ..", Mina mumbled and was well aware that she was lying.

"Good to hear .." Alice said, sounding in as good a mood as ever.

"How did Y / N find the book?"

Fuck.

Mina bit her lip.

"So uhm..I didn't give it to her..Y / N doesnt know you were with me .. "

"Oh ..", uttered the woman next to her and didn't sound that happy anymore.

"I may not be allowed to interfere, but I think you should talk to her .."

"About what?" Mina frowned.

"About how you feel .. Tell Y / N that you feel misunderstood and make it clear to her that it is not your fault ..".

Mina didn't answer and concentrated on driving again.

"You know, communication is the most important thing in a relationship, so talk to her, I think that might help .."

Great, thought Mina and bit the inside of her cheek. Talking about feelings, that was exactly her thing.

She stopped in silence next to Alice's daughter's green house.

"Thanks, Mina ..", Alice mumbled and wanted to open the car door to get out, but Mina stopped her by locking the whole car.

Alice turned to her in confusion before Mina grabbed her by the collar of her blouse, pulled her close and pressed her lips against Alice's.

Alice let out a shocked whimper and Mina immediately withdrew.

For a few seconds both women stared at each other. Alice looked totally overwhelmed and horrified, while Mina slowly realized what she had just done.

Without a word she opened the car doors and not a second later Alice jumped out of the car before running into the house.

A few minutes passed and Mina didn't move an inch. She stared at the street in front of her, trying to understand what had just happened.

All she wanted was to solve the problems between you and her and now she had kissed another woman. Damn it.

She let out a loud scream and hit the steering wheel before leaning forward to lean her forehead against it. A few more minutes passed while she cried against the leather. She hated being so emotional, right now when so many feelings were boiling in her at the same time and she couldn't define all of these things.

After she had calmed down a bit, she took a few deep breaths before starting the car and driving home.

"I'm home, baby .." she called in a thin voice after entering your house.

"Oh, finally ..", she heard you sigh before you appeared in the hallway. Your usual smile faded when you saw her and you frowned.

"What?" Mina asked nervously and chewed her lower lip.

"You have lipstick on your face ..", your voice sounded dark and made Mina nervous.

"Oh .. it must be smeared .." she said and smiled shakily.

"This is not your lipstick .."

Mina's smile froze and she stared at you.

"So you're really having an affair .." you growled and she could see tears glistening in your eyes.

"What the- Y / N..No ..", Mina's voice faltered as she watched you turn around and pointed with your finger to follow you before you led her into your study.

"If you're not having an affair, what is that ..", you opened one of your desk drawers and put a white lace bra on it.

"I found it under our bed and it can't be yours .. you're not wearing white underwear .."

Mina stared at Alice's bra hanging on your finger.

"Okay, how long?", You looked at her piercingly.

"I uhm- We dont-" Mina struggled for words and clung to her cane.

"You just can't be serious .." you yelled. "All I want is your affection and while I give everything to hang out with you, you fuck someone else?"

"I'm not having an affair, Y / N ..", Mina tried to calm you down and held up a hand.

"Oh, then explain to me why I find strange underwear under our bed and why your face is such a mess .. You know, you could have at least tried to hide the whole thing ..".

"Please let me explain ..", Mina chewed her lower lip and briefly considered what to say.

"Well I know you from the directory assistance ..-"

"Ohh, phone sex..",  you interrupted her and raised an eyebrow.

"What the hell, no y / n ..", Mina hissed.

"It turned out that she lives in the neighborhood and then she was here on Saturday and slept here, more not .."

"More not? Are you kidding me?", You spat and ran your hair through. "You let this stranger sleep in my bed and you don't tell me about it? .."

Mina didn't know how to answer it, so she just kept silent.

"Did you have sex?" You asked as you crossed your arms and chewed your lower lip.

"She never could, she-"

"Okay, I'll ask differently ..", you pinched the bridge of your nose.

"Did you want to have sex with her?"

Mina stared at you with wide eyes. In her mind she traveled back to Saturday night when she had been lying in bed next to Alice and staring at the ceiling. She remembered it well, how disgustedt she was of herself, but all she wanted to do at the moment was bend over the innocent woman to do the dirtiest things to her. Things Alice didn't even dare to dream of. All she wanted was to hear the desperate whimpering of the women and how she shouted her name.

But Mina could never have done that, partly because her loyalty was yours and partly because Alice was far too innocent for something like that.

"Wow .." you mumbled when she didn't answer.

"And then that bitch kissed you today ...?"

"Don't call her that ..", Mina defended Alice. "And besides, I kissed her ..".

"Oh..That's even better ..." you screamed as tears ran from your eyes.

"Congratulations Wilhemina, something like that is called an affair ..".

Angrily you threw the bra at Mina before you ran past her back into the hallway. Mina followed you and watched sadly as you packed your handbag with simple things.

"I'm going to see my mother .." you explained without looking at her while you put on your jacket. "I have to think about a few things ... I have no idea how long I'll be gone ... I also have no idea if I'll ever come back ...".

That was the last thing you said before you ran out of your house and left her with all the guilt.

-----------------------

You spent three weeks with your mother. Three long weeks of thinking about everything that had happened. You loved Mina so much, and the fact that there was probably someone else almost killed you. And actually you hadn't meant to come back to her, no matter that all your things were still in her house, but you were too scared that you would then have to see how she got over you and went on with her life.

After all, it was your mother who persuaded you to go to Mina to talk to her.

And now you stood in front of the door of your house and at least from the outside it looked exactly as you had left it. You bravely raised your hand to the door to knock gently on it.

And when Mina opened the door a minute later, you couldn't help but stare at her. You thought you looked like shit, but Mina topped it all. The actually proud woman was just a pile of misery when she opened the door for you that day. The red hair curled untidily over the fabric of her pajamas as she trembled on her stick. She was obviously in pain and probably hadn't taken her pills, something you usually reminded her of. You looked carefully into her face, which seemed even paler than usual, and noticed how she squinted her eyes against the sunlight, she didn't seem to have left the house for a long time.

For a moment you both stared at each other and you felt guilt creep up inside you.

"Can I come in?" You finally asked and looked carefully into her cloudy eyes that were staring down at you. Mina nodded slowly.

"It's your home ..." she muttered before stepping out of the doorway and hobbling into the living room. Without hesitation you ran after her after the door had closed behind you. You sat down next to Mina, who was staring into the empty fireplace, on the couch and also stared at the fireplace, but your attention was focused on the photos on the mantelpiece.

"You didn't take your pills .." you mumbled and she just hummed in agreement.

"..uhm, how are you?" you tried again before carefully looking at her from the side.

"M'great .." she muttered.

"Okay.."

"And how are you?" She asked while she was still staring into the fireplace.

"I'm great too."

Mina snorted.

"So we're both liars."

You ignored her comment and got to the real reason you came.

"Okay Mina, uhm i dont know- So about this woman .. I don't know what you had or just didn't have with her ..-"

"I had nothing with her ..", she interrupted you with a growl.

"You understand that I can understand that pretty badly?", You bit your lower lip and watched as Mina shook her head.

"I think you should get to know her .." she muttered and you frowned.

"So are you still in contact with her?"

Mina shrugged her shoulders.

"You should get to know her," she repeated.

"Okay .." you raised both hands in surrender. "Tell me when and where and I'll be there ..".

"Are you coming home then?" She whispered as she finally turned away from the fireplace and her injured eyes met yours.

"I .. I don't know ..", you stammered. "Please let me get to know this woman first .."

Mina nodded just before she got up and left the living room.

"What are you doing?" You called after her, confused.

"I'll call her .. "she muttered.

Your eyes widened.

"She's not coming here now, is she?"

"No ..", Mina called from the hallway. You didn't answer and after a few seconds you heard her talking softly to someone before she came back into the living room and stood in the doorway.

"You will meet her tomorrow in the café next to the library ..", she explained.

"Tomorrow I have to work late .."

"I know .." she said. "That's why you don't meet until 6 pm .."

"Okay .." you nodded briefly and stared at her for a few seconds.

"Uhm, I actually wanted to take some clothes with me .. For three weeks I've had to wear the shit my mother still had from me .."

"It's your home..", Mina replied shortly as she again clutched her stick with both hands.

You jumped up from the sofa to run past her up the stairs. In your dressing room you quickly packed a few clothes in an old sports bag before you turned around and actually wanted to go again, but then the white bra of this woman caught your eye, which was lost in the window sill. You knew stuffing that stupid thing in your gym bag might not be a good idea, but you would do anything to break the owner of this bra, for something to do with your girlfriend.

You ran back down the stairs where Mina was waiting for you in the hallway.

"I should go now .." you muttered as she stared at you expectantly. She nodded sadly.

"Uhm..Can I hug you?" She asked quietly and looked at you carefully.

"uh..of course ..", you nodded slowly before suddenly finding yourself in her arms again. She hugged you so tight that you were afraid you would suffocate. Her red hair tickled your face and for the first time in three weeks you could inhale her lavender perfume while she clung to you like her life depended on it.

"I am so sorry ..", she whispered and you swallowed when you felt guilty again.

"I should go now .." you repeated and withdrew from her arms.

She just nodded before you stumbled to the front door.

"Uhm..Y / N ..", she called after you when you were already out the door. You turned back to her and looked at her questioningly.

"Yes?"

"Alice didn't do anything wrong, so please don't kill her tomorrow ..".

You nodded just before turning to go to your car.

Alice.

--------------

"Damn .." you cursed as you nervously stared at your watch.

18:23

You parked your car in the library parking lot and walked briskly to the café.

Your gaze wandered through the almost empty room. Two men were sitting at a table and playing chess, an old woman was sitting in a corner and drinking coffee, and then your gaze was fixed on the graceful figure of a woman who was sitting with her back turned to you. It has to be her, you thought as you stared at her hazel hair curled up on a pastel colored blouse.

You got a little nervous when you approached her from behind.

"Uhm..Alice ..?" You asked and the woman winced slightly before turning to you and staring into her friendly eyes.

"You must be Y / N .." she said with a bright smile and got up.

"Uhm..ja .." you mumbled with a frown before you sat down across from her.

"I'm sorry ..I'm late .."

"Oh its okay .." Alice waved her hand before she sat down again. "Mina told me about your work .."

"Did she?", You looked at her confused and she just hummed in agreement.

You used the next few seconds to take in the woman in front of you and understood what Mina had meant. Alice looked so harmless and didn't fall into the category of the horny neighbor slut at all.

You cleared your throat and pointed with your index finger at the cup in front of you.

"What's this?"

"Tea," Alice said curtly. "She told me that you drink tea .."

The furrow on your forehead only got a little deeper as you pulled your eyebrows together a little further.

"She seems to have told you a lot about me .."

"I also know that you play the piano .." Alice replied, sounding kind of proud.

"She had to explain the piano in our bedroom .." you growled darkly as you remembered that this woman had slept in your bed.

"Y / N, she loves you .." she said and looked at you piercingly.

"I'm not sure about this.."

"Okay .." Alice sighed before starting to tell you the whole story from her point of view. How Mina had called her directory assistance late at night, how they met by chance in the library and how she ended up at your home on Saturday evening.

You listened to her attentively without interrupting her and with everyoneSentence made you feel a little worse because everything she said made sense.

"You must know, I never kissed a woman before and- you know ..." Alice muttered, staring at the table.

"And I thought it was a sin all my life and when Mina kissed me I wasn't really happy at first. You know, I was with her on a Tuesday two weeks ago to talk to her about it and she was really sad..- "

"Did she tell you she loves you?" You interrupt her.

"She-" Alice's voice faltered. "She apologized and said she was confused .."

You stared at her in silence.

"I don't want to offend you, Y / N, but Mina feels totally misunderstood by you .. She tries to do everything right and you reject her .. As if it was her fault that she has to work so hard .. And even if she doesn't seem like anyone that gets involved with something like that, she feels totally terrible about it all .. You didn't see how she cried when I was with her that Tuesday .. "

You looked at Alice sadly when you understood what she meant.

"Damn I'm such an idiot .." you muttered, rubbing your hair.

"There's something else, Y / N .." Alice sat up straight before continuing.

"When I was with her on Tuesday, I kissed her again ..".

Her words made you freeze.

"You did what?"

"You already understand me .." Alice said, looking at each other nervously.

"Did she kiss you or did you kiss her?"

"I kissed her."

"Okay .." you frowned.

"She loves you .." Alice repeated, putting her hand on yours.

Tears stung your eyes.

"But she loves you too ..", you croaked as you felt warm tears running down your face. Alice reached out her hand to wipe the tears from your face.

"Maybe .." she said softly. "But you mustn't be mad at her for that, it's not her fault .. Mina and I don't have an affair or anything, she loves you too much for that .."

"And do you love her?"

Alice thought for a few seconds before answering.

"I don't know to be honest .. This is all new to me, if you get what I mean .."

You nodded slowly and thought for a moment about everything she had just told you.

"I uhm .. thanks for trying to explain everything to me .." you finally said.

The woman in front of you smiled gently before taking her hand back.

"I hope you don't hate me now or anything.."

"Oh no!" You shouted loudly. "You are really kind .."

"Thank you," Alice muttered, her eyes shining a little more.

You stared at her for another moment and you could totally understand that Mina found this little sunshine attractive.

"Uhm by the way .." you started and reached into your handbag.

"I uhm .. I brought your bra .."

You put the bra on the table and pushed it over to the woman.

"Thank you .." Alice mumbled embarrassed and blushed, which made you grin.

She was really cute.

And that was your first "date" with Alice. Although one would call this educational talk less than a date. That same evening you drove back home and by home you meant Mina and not your mother's house.

The following months were more than overwhelming for you, Mina and Alice. Mina and you both applied for less working time at your work, which you also received and you had more time for each other.

That wasn't what overwhelmed you so much, the problem was, that it was pretty difficult for all 3 of you to come to terms with how you felt about each other.

After all, Mina got along best with it because she was the one of you who had been confronted with it the longest.

For her sake you accepted her love for Alice and began to meet the brunette more often and at some point you had to find out that you too were hopelessly in love with Alice.

Alice struggled with it though. The mere fact that she was in love with one woman scared her and then there were two. It was pretty hard for her to put aside all of her lesbian advantages and what her church said about you. Fortunately, Alice's children had different opinions and were glad that their mother was happy again after the divorce.

You and Mina were a little afraid of Alice's extended family, but they had all been nice to you and there was almost nothing better for you than to take care of Alice's grandchildren.

It took a while, but finally Alice also managed to get rid of her inhibitions and give herself completely to you.

And sometimes when you wake up between the two of them, when Mina had her arms wrapped around you from behind and when Alice was cuddled with her head to your chest and you were wondering how all this was even possible, you were probably the happiest person on earth at the same time.

And all you needed for that was the little sunshine in your arms while the red hair of your beautiful protector tickled your face.

[btxtreads]

💫 Shot in the Dark 💫

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: ALL OVER AGAIN

↳ Pairing: Choi Beomgyu x Reader

↳ word count:  1.9k words

↳ rating: G

↳ genre: angst

↳ warnings: sadness (really, im so sorry for this)

↳ tags: @txtarcadianet​ - thank u for proofreading @qtsoobin​. she takes care of my illiterate ass bc im illiterate on tumblr for some reason❤️ 

The elevator door opened, revealing a furious woman with clenched fists. Behind her followed a tall blue-haired man with eyebrows furrowed in worry and a frantic CEO. The two men rushed to keep up with her as she stomped over to the reception, coming face-to-face with a tall brunette holding a bouquet of white roses.

“What are you doing here, Choi?” Y/N spat harshly, eyes sharp as she glared over at the man. At this, Beomgyu winced, his gaze dancing over Yeonjun and Soobin as they watched silently at the side.

“Uh, this is for you.” Beomgyu replied softly, offering the bouquet. “Can we talk?”

Y/N’s glanced at the flowers, , noticing the tremble in his hands. While her gaze softened, she made no move to take the gift, only crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows at the boy.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Y/N, please?” Beomgyu pleaded, thrusting  the bouquet into her hands once more. “Just hear me out.”

“No,” Y/N shook her head. “You hear me out—you’re going to be a father. You have a pregnant girlfriend at home—”

“Y/N—”

“—and yet you’re here in my best friend’s company—in my workplace—with fucking roses like you don’t have a child coming soon. Have some mercy on the kid, Choi,” she scolded, “What the hell would they think when they find out their dad’s here offering flowers to a woman that’s not their mother?”

Beomgyu sighed as he massaged the back of his neck, closing his eyes; his mind was racing a mile a minute, trying to think of a way to get her to listen.

The thing about Y/N was that she was headstrong — quite easily being the most stubborn person he had ever met, and on any other day he’d find that attractive. Not right now, though. Not when he was trying to get her back. And certainly not when she was convinced he got his fake fiance pregnant.

What else could he say? What more could he do when the love of his life was completely convinced he got someone else pregnant? How could he cope with opening his eyes, just to see her back away from him, moving into Soobin’s arms?  He was powerless against Yeonjun who eyed him apprehensively, who was more than ready and willing to end this broken conversation and take his friends back to the safety of a Beomgyu-free office. All he could say was the only thing he knew.

“It’s not mine.”

“You have to realize that there comes a time when I stop running back to your arms, Beomgyu,” Y/N sighed, “I can only take so much.”

The woman turned, hands grasping at Yeonjun and Soobin as she murmured, “Let’s go.” 

“Wait,” Beomgyu called, stepping forward and taking her wrist. She shook him off, eyes wide as she turned back to him, and Beomgyu smiled sadly, ruffling his hair as he offered the bouquet again. “One of the reasons why I fell in love with you was because you were so stubborn—you always knew where you stood and you fought for that. I guess that’s not so good for me in these kinds of situations.” Beomgyu sighed in relief as Y/N’s hand slowly wrapped around the bouquet’s stem—eyeing him suspiciously. “Can we talk? Please? Just give me one last chance to explain everything.”

He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but he could see how her grip loosened on Soobin’s sleeve. She faced Yeonjun, talking to him through glances and he could hear Soobin’s grunts of frustration when she turned to him, shooting him a harmless glare before she looked to Beomgyu once more.

“Talk.” She finally said, pursing her lips.

Beomgyu smiled happily, raising the keys to his car. 

“Not here,” Beomgyu said, “I know a place. Follow me.”

Beomgyu was aware that her mind wasn’t with him while he drove. She kept wringing her hands together, her eyes trained on the passing scenes outside the window. He could see Yeonjun and Soobin’s photo on her lockscreen—replacing the photo that used to be of him and her before everything happened. Occasionally, she’d glance at her phone, mumbling softly to herself as she read her messages—like she always had. He knew who she was talking to—Soobin and Yeonjun, maybe even Taehyun and Kai. She was probably using that ice cream group chat he always saw popping up on Kai and Taehyun’s phones at work. He hears her wince, probably because of  a diss shot her way by Taehyun or Yeonjun, maybe even Soobin—he wouldn’t be surprised. He knew everything he lost, but he was determined to get it back as he rolled the car to a stop as soon as the pavement turned into sand.

 He immediately snapped his seatbelt off and dashed out of the car to open her door. Y/N, refusing his help, hopped out of the car herself and raised her eyebrows as she frowned at the scene.

 “What are we doing here?”

“What do you mean?” Beomgyu asked as he pocketed his hands. “Don’t you remember? This was our favorite date spot in college. First Date?”

“I do,” she hummed, linking her hands behind her as she started to walk. “Why are we here?”

Beomgyu didn’t answer, his eyes locked with the seawater softly lapping at the shore as he gathered his thoughts.

“Beomgyu?”

“I can’t lose you,” he finally spoke, glancing at her. “I-I can’t live without you. That’s something I’ve learnt over these five years without you.”

Y/N pursed her lips and looked down, digging her shoes into the sand as they walked.

“I love you,” Beomgyu said, stopping and taking her hands in his. “I want to marry you. I want to be the father of your kids, to grow old with you, live forever with you. You’re the only one for me.”

Y/N softened her gaze, sighing quietly  as she shook her head. She bit her lip, steadying her breath before she looked back at him.

“I wasn’t lying when I told you I couldn’t do this anymore,” she replied, almost whispering. “It hurts. It hurts too much, Beomgyu. I can’t take anymore that I already have.”

“I know,” Beomgyu mumbled, closing his eyes and placing a soft kiss on her hands, “I know what I did, and I’m sorry, but let me fix this. Let me make this right.”

“I—Bin and Jun—“

“Please—“

Y/N pried her hands away from his gently, tears springing up in her eyes as she moved to hold her arms. She turned her head away from him—looking anywhere but at him—as she spoke. “You’re going to be a father now.”

“It’s not mine,” Beomgyu shook his head, cupping her face and turning it to him once more. “I don’t know how to prove it to you—but I need you to believe me. Please.”

Gazing into her eyes, he knew that she did. She knew it wasn’t him. Of course, she knew all along. Maybe she had known from the start. After all, nobody knew him better than her—but he could also see the sadness deep in her eyes. He also knew she wouldn’t let him risk everything for her.

Her hands reached up, cupping his on her face as she smiled sadly.

“If I gave you another shot, would you give it all up for me?”

“Of course, I’d lay down my life for you,” Beomgyu replied without skipping a beat, making the girl close her eyes and release a shaky breath as she pulled his hands off of her face. She inhaled sharply, keeping her tears at bay as her clenched fists dropped to her sides.

“That’s why I can’t.” Tears slowly rolling down her cheeks as she continued, “If I said yes, you’d drop everything—but I know that in the back of your mind you’d always think about Eunbi and the kid—“

“I won’t.”

“You will, because I know you,” Y/N stressed. “I know you’ll feel guilty. I know you’ll feel bad, and you’ll have regrets at some point—because I know you, and I know you’re a good person.”

“But I love you—”

“I know,” she murmured, cupping his face, “and I love you, so much—so  much that I don’t want you to hurt yourself by living a life where you’ll just keep blaming yourself for everything. I don’t want you to have to live your whole life regretting this.”

Beomgyu was silent, eyes casted down as he sighed.

“I-I want a future with you.”

“We can’t have that.”

“Because of Eunbi?” Beomgyu asked, looking back up at her, seeing all the despair and sadness concealed in her soft, teary gaze. 

She only gave him a small smile, releasing  a deep breath before she looked over at the sunset, clearing her throat.

“Blue hour,” she hummed. “I remember how we always used to watch this.”

Beomgyu wasn’t in the mood for reminiscing but he turned to the horizon as well, taking her hand in his with a tight grip.

“Do you love me?” Beomgyu asked silently.

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop,” Y/N confessed, leaning her head on his shoulder.

Beomgyu bit his lip as he squeezed her hand.

“I’ll always think about this—losing you for the last time, I mean,” he mumbled. “My one regret.”

“It’ll be worth it.” Y/N replied. “You were always meant to lose me, I think.”

Beomgyu sighed softly, looking over at her as she closed her eyes, moving her body to embrace him. He could feel her rapid heartbeat against his own chest, making him hold her more tightly. He let his hands drape over her waist, burying his face in her hair as he closed his eyes and tried to memorize how she felt next to him. He felt Y/N’s head lean on his chest and her arms encircle his neck in a tight embrace—what felt like a last goodbye.

“When you’re old and you’re at home with your kid and Eunbi,” Y/N mumbled, “I hope you think of me. Think about how much I hurt myself over and over again because I love you.”

“I don’t think I can forget you.”

He felt her lips curve into a smile against him, her grip tightening around him. She pulled away to cup his face, murmuring, “This may hurt now, but I know that if I stay it’ll hurt the both of us even more.”  She ran her hands through his hair, continuing, “I can’t risk you getting hurt any more.”

“I don’t care about me getting hurt,” Beomgyu said, resting his forehead on hers and closing his eyes.

Y/N leaned forward and laid one final kiss on his lips. A final goodbye. Tears fell down both of their faces as their lips moved gently against each other. The waves of the sea crashed softly against the seashore—almost as if it was comforting the two lovers who never got a chance at a happy ending.

“Let me stay here with you for a moment,” Beomgyu whispered against her lips. “Let me believe it’s you and me—just for now.”

Y/N felt a sharp ache in her heart as she pulled away, breath stopping short as she locked gazes with him.

“Just for today.”

Beomgyu smiled lifelessly, eyes dull as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. She breathed deeply before leaning forward and kissing him once more—breaking both of their hearts all over again.

[ask-jokeboi]

The Party

Hope everyone's having a great holiday season so far! This time of year isn't always easy but thankfully friends and a good distraction can make things easier. 

I drew these pic’s to pair with a moderately long fic I wrote to follow up the aforementioned party from earlier, it’s below the the cut! Read it if you want! Either way, Happy Holidays! 💜💚💛

Words: 4,142    Relationships: Harlivy /Harley & Joker friendship / Batjokes (mentioned)     Universe: Mine / Lego Batman

A/N: sorry for any typos or weird grammatical stuff, I'm good at art, not writing

Summary: Joker’s felt a little down since Batman’s been out of town, will his best friend Harley be able to cheer him up?

Warnings: Alcohol use, implied depression

_____________________

"C'mon Jay it'll be be fun!" Cheered Harley, mustering all the enthusiasm she could in an attempt to persuade Gotham's former clown prince of crime to pull himself together 

"I don't care!…. Go bother your girlfriend or something. Leave me alone…" He was currently piled under several layers of blankets, sunk deep into the ball pit he called a bed

"Nuh uh, I'm not haulin' my butt outta this room 'till you haul yours. You can stay in that pit and cry all ya like, but it won't fix nothin', you gott-"

"I don't GOTTA do anything!" Jay snapped. Throwing his blanket aside and revealing his less than kempt appearance, his face twisted into a frustrated glare

Harley, already familiar with Jay's usual harmless outbursts only sighed as she looked her long time friend up and down, taking in his surroundings with a curious eye

It'd been a month or two since Batman left the scene and his absence was definitely beginning to take a toll on the poor clown.

She could tell it'd been a while since he'd done anything to care for himself…. His hair, which was usually swept back into a flawless green pomp, lazily draped his face. The dull forest black of his roots beginning to seep back into the rest of it. Same could be said for the state his room which, due to his erratic nature, was always a bit untidy  but had recently fallen into a state of near disrepair. Bags of half eaten junk food and empty bottles of all sorts of things lay strewn across the floor, particularly around his half deflated bed.

Despite the mess, he still seemed a little...thin… more so than usual to be honest… his ribs visible beneath the loose shirt he wore, arms comparable to sticks despite the muscle.

most of all though, he just seemed... tired. Jay always looked tired out of makeup. It was one of the first things she'd managed to take note of when he'd first entered her office years ago…. But right now the purple rings beneath his eyes that never seemed to go away were deepened to a point that made it clear he wasn't getting much sleep or doing much for himself in general...

Seeing her best friend in a state like this was hard to witness… and although her partner, Ivy, didn't have much but mild disdain for Jay, Harley couldn't find it in herself to leave him like this… which is why she thought a party might lift his spirits a little 

"C'mooon! You love parties!! It'll just be a small one anyway!" It was actually much bigger than she was implying but Jay liked big and she didn't wanna scare him off too soon… 

"Yeah, like that'll make things any better… who did you even invite?? A good half of the rogues don't even like me…"

"Sure they do!"

Jay only looked at her, bereft and unimpressed. 

"I mean ok you and Riddler don't always get along and it took a lot a beggin' ta get ya un-banned from the iceberg lounge but still!!"

"Uhg whatever! It doesn't matter! I don't need those bozos seein' me like this anyway..."

"Like what?" 

"I don't know!  I'm just…... I'm not in the right… mood for something like that right now.... You know how this works… they'd see right through me. "

Back when Jay was still her patient they'd end up talking a lot about masks…Batman's would come up more often than not but every now and then he'd end up discussing his own…. Or more specifically, the metaphorical one he'd put on every time he picked up a brush and painted himself a new face…..

"Jay, sweetie…  you don't have to pretend to be okay… they won't think you're weak or nothin', you know that right?..."

Jay gave her an incredibly tired look before turning away.

"What happened to the Jay that wasn't afraid to let people know how he's feelin' huh? The one that turned every emotion into a show….?"

He kept his head down, shoulders stiff, before speaking...

"....Cause I'm not just sad this time…. " As he looked up slowly an emotion that was rarely seen on the mans face showed itself, flooding his eyes. 

"W- when I'd talked to Robin and Batgirl that last time and asked about Batman they gave each other this look and…. Something's wrong… he's in trouble or something I… I can feel it…..  W-what if he doesn't come back and he leaves me here all alone an-" 

Harley put a polished nail up to Jay's lips and smiled warmly.

"Shhhh…. You're worryin' too much puds… ur big dumb brain is just an overdramatic liar… don't listen to it okay?" 

Jay sniffled, giving her an understanding nod.

"You still got me an' your crew an' Bud and all the other little silly things that make ya days good doncha?"

He smiles halfheartedly. "Y-yeah…. But still… he was..."

"I know… he's special….but do you seriously think anything out there could actually kill Batman? THE Batman? C'mon now….  He's luckier than any bastard out there and you know it…"

"Yeah…. Yeah I guess ur right"

"Of COURSE I'm right!… now come on…" she offers her hand and helps her friend stand up. "Let's get that hair done and those nails shined up  so you're brain can take a break from making all those nasty thoughts" 

Jay smiled a little wider this time, forever grateful he had a friend as great as Harley around… he really didn't know what he'd do without her sometimes...

"Right…. Also… uh…. Harley?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for….uh…. Bein'... around… I guess…" Jay practically mumbled...

Harley smiled knowingly, amused with his poor attempt of gratitude

"No problem, Pud's….." she gave him a peck on the forehead leaving a black smudge behind 

"now enough mush...Let's clean this mess and get ya fabbed up"

________________

A few hours later, Jay stood outside the titular iceberg lounge in his best winter fit, a long boa around his shoulders and a pair of unnecessary sunglasses obscuring the mascara he'd only half ruined on the way there…. 

He truly, honestly, did not feel like socializing with anyone at the moment, but who was he to refuse a doctor's orders?....

Taking a deep breath of the cold winter air, Jay stiffened up, smoothed the wrinkles from his vintage memphis style sweater and entered the lounge, heels high and head high as he could manage 

____________

When the doors swung open with a swirl of winter snow, Jay was greeted by a surprisingly full and stunningly silent room. Christmas music cut through the tension like a knife as everyone stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to Joker's fashionably late arrival.

He didn't know if it was because of his natural ability to demand attention or the fact that he hadn't been seen in nearly 3 weeks, but for some reason the room seemed slightly on edge. worried he'd come with another Joker brand surprise perhaps. Thankfully, Harley, who'd left his place a little earlier to get everything ready, noticed who'd finally arrived.

"JJ!! YOU MADE IT!!" she leaped off her stool and came running to grab him, The rest of the room taking it as a cue to un-tense and to go back to their festivities, the lounge lighting up  with warm greetings and laughter.

" Hey…" said Jay as Harley put an arm around his shoulder and escorted him to the booth she was sitting at….  

"So… is all of this for me or…?"

"No, did she tell you that?" Ivy who was sitting at the booth with his other less than fond acquaintance, Catwoman and someone else he didn't seem to recognize, gave a snide smile, Jay suddenly felt he should probably sit someplace else

"IVY!! SHHH" Harley shushed

"What? He was gonna find out out eventually…. It was supposed to be Penguin's annual winter ball" 

"Uh,It still is tho…?" said Kat, mouth full of shrimp 

"Well, yah…. Difference is we had to 'finesse' Penguin into letting HIM in" Ivy explained, disdain in her voice

"And you... helped with that?..." asked Jay, surprised. Ivy sighed

"for Harley's sake, yes. not yours" 

Jay smiled, amused. "well how charitable of you, here's to hoping you won't regret it"

Ivy rolled her eyes. "As if I don't already" she said, taking a short sip from her drink, Harley sitting down next to her give her thank u peck on the cheek.

"Hey, why'd you get banned from this dump anyway?" Asked Kat, eyes squinting curiously 

"I have no idea…." Jay shrugged 

"He put a coke and mento bomb in the fountain!" Harley interrupted 

"Oh yeah…." He'd totally forgot

"Ha! Awesome…" 

"Right uh, anyway, who the hell are you?" Jays attention suddenly turned to the woman sitting opposite of kat. She had light blue skin, bright white eyes and hair that made her look like a human lighting rod.

"Name's Livewire." She said, voice sharp as her appearance 

"She's from Metropolis" explained Ivy. Jay rose a brow.

"Metropolis huh?? How'dya like dealin' with boy scout full time over there?" He quizzed 

"Sweet!…" she exclaimed enthusiastically "Big blue aint got a thing on me! 'sides, dweeb's been outta town for months now! metropolis might as well be my personal playground"

The mentioning of Superman's absence made something in Jay's chest twist. He'd known their neighbor hero had been MIA for even longer than Batman, Supergirl taking over the workload just like Batgirl had in Gotham. but still… the reminder was enough to worry him. I mean… if superman was taking so much time up there, what chance did Batman have against whatever it was they were so busy with??

Trying his best to shake off the uneasiness building in his stomach Jay took a breath and snapped back to reality, offering Livewire his hand

"Well, uh... Livewire, i'm this city's head honcho while the bat's gone so welcome to Gotham and try not to wear it out" 

Harley and Ivy exchanged looks as Jay smiled slyly and took Livewires hand…

...Only for his usual gesture of hospitality to be met with an equally shocking grip that sent blue sparks flying in every direction.

"DAMN, what the- !! " Jay yanked his hand back and held it in pain, hot needles running up his arm.The new addition to Harley's crew laughed crudely and smiled

 "why do you think they call me 'LIVEWIRE' genius?" 

Jay stayed silent with defeat as the table went up in hysterics "Yeah fine, okay, I shoulda saw that one coming" he sighed and smoothed out his hair which had sprung up to stand on end, his face ever so slightly red "anyway, you ladies have a nice time… i'll set up shop somewhere else and let you guys… idk… flirt with each other or whatever..." without much fanfare he slunk off to sit someplace else.

After the table had settled down completely though, Harley noticed Jay making his way to the bar looking somewhat dejected.

"Aw Jay…." 

The rest curiously turned their attention to the direction of Harley's gaze.

"You're not going after him are you?" Asked Ivy after a beat.

"Well… yeah…?" Harley shrugged.

"Uhm, why?" Asked kat, dipping more shrimp into her cocktail "like if he's not in the mood for a joke that's kinda his problem…?"

"Yeah, but still…. I've never seen 'im like this for so long…. He's usually so funny and animated, it's like somethin' drained all the life out of 'im…." The concern on Harley's face was very apparent. Ivy brushed back a few strands of her hair and tried her best to reassure her.

"Look i'm sure he'll get his second wind when Batman comes back at some point… but ‘til then it's not your job to take care of him…" 

Harley sighed silently. "I know but… he's still my best friend… and if I hadn't met him, I wouldn'ta met you!" She squished close to her spouse with a smile, Ivy suddenly unable to hold back a small one herself.

"He helped me outta my slump all those years ago, least I can do is help 'im outta his..."

Ivy gave her a soft look before reluctantly caving "Kindness has always been your best and worst trait, silly bee…" she said with a smirk "fine, go ahead and do your thing, I've got plenty of company over here in the meantime…"

Harley smiled happily and gave her one last kiss before running off to join Jay at the bar.

____________

Jay sat alone at the bar in silence until he was suddenly startled by Harley's arrival.

 "What's shakin' grumpy gills?" She asked pulling up a stool.

Jay didn't answer as the bartender slid over a funfetti martini topped with the works, Jay lazily catching it and drinking deeply.

"Those guys didn't get ta ya did they? I know they seem mean bu- "

"Ah… I don't care about them…" said Jay dismissively  "we're all villains here right? I'm sure they got their reasons… sides, Livewire's pretty fun even if she did fry my Joy buzzer" He said regretfully…

"So what's up then…?" Asked Harley, head tilted 

Jay looked down at the table with a frown, fingers anxiously scraping the side of the glass in his hand….

"What she'd said about metropolis…. And… superman…."

"Oh…"  Harley nodded "well…. I'm sure they're together wherever they are…. Right? Him and Batman? And I mean, with Superman around, he's bound to be okay….." 

Jay had a hard time matching her enthusiasm but that logic did comfort him some. "Yeah… yeah I guess so"

"C'mon Jay, you gotta get that stuff off your mind for a minute! Go mingle! Go dance!… look at everyone who came this time! Turn-out's never been so big!"

As Jay's looked around the room, Harley did have a point, usually these get-togethers only managed to scrounge up about half the gang, but it looked like almost all the rogues in town had come this time. Even D-listers like Polkadot man, Killer Moth, Crazy Quilt ect. Had managed to show up, plus people he didn't seem to recognize…

For example at the bar sat Scarecrow and a… Oddly scruffy looking man he looked to be sharing a drink with. He'd heard from Riddler over the phone some time ago that crow had found himself a friend and that the two were "in cahoots".  whatever that was supposed to mean. He supposed that must've been the "friend" in question…

A few tables down sat another unfamiliar  in a polkadot shirt and a pair of cracked thick lensed glasses. He had a peculiar looking puppet sitting on his lap which made J raise a brow, but he didn't judge. Looking at his woefully nervous face he guessed it must it must've been a security thing anyway… 

Despite the big crowd though, Jay did notice one person missing of whom he hadn't seen in quite a while...

"Yeah I guess everyone is here...  except uh, Lex I guess…?" Jay considered himself friends with metropolises king of corruption, even if the feeling wasn't always mutual. Seeing so many crooks he knew in one place made him realize how rare it was to see the mal hearted mogul at these things.

Unfortunately, Harley could only shrug with defeat. "Ah I tried to get Lex but you know how he is… nobody's seen that shut in for ages".

Jay's eyes narrowed at that "How long is ages…. ?" He pressed

"I dunno… a few months guess???  Livewire said he's been quiet lately, probably off in one of his labs making some over convoluted instrument of destruction I guess"

The growing list of missing big shots was beginning to piece something together in Jay's head… what on earth was Lex up to? Where was superman?? Why did the league need Batman's help? How did it all connect?? After a moment Harley noticed Jay slipping into his thoughts again and shook his shoulder lightly to pull him out of it.

"Hey, don't worry about that egghead. he'd only kill the mood if he were here anyway" 

Jay couldn't disagree, the billionaire was kind of notorious for being a giant stick in the mud.

"If you're really worried about what's goin' on with those guys, you can come up with a plan Tomorrow…. right now we got a' open dance floor, unlimited drinks and a Karaoke competition that's about ta kick off in ten"

The word 'Karaoke' was enough to snap Jay back to reality. "Did you say Karaoke?" 

"Yes, I did."

"Do they hav-"

"Yes, they have Queen" 

Jay nearly looked as if someone had told him the best news of his life. "Oh thank god" maybe Harley was right. Worrying would have to wait. 

_____________

The rest of the night went on with few hang ups. Drinks poured, music played and poorly screeched lyrics kept the mood upbeat.

The Karaoke stage hosted performance after performance, some more enthusiastic than others. Some painful, others surprisingly pleasant. Jay's teetered off the edge of both categories, but when "somebody to love" burst through those speakers, he'd sung it with his whole chest. The best performance by a long shot though had to be Ivy's who's affinity for 50's ballads lent to her beautifully rich voice and her's was closely followed by the Dent's who'd decided to attempt a duet with no chorus which everyone found somewhat impressive.

Emotions did flare up once or twice though, as they tend to do when it comes to villain gatherings. Ed and Jay got into a fight about something stupid and unimportant, both obviously enjoying themselves, Bane and Croc engaged in an arm wrestle that woefully ended in a tie, and Jay inevitably got worked up about Batman again, this time with a crowd of eager listeners somewhat entertained by his rambling, giving questionable advice here and there.

At the get-together's height, the dance floor had filled to the point where Penguin was just about ready to call the whole event off until Riddler dragged him on to the floor himself.

After another hour or so the party wound down some more and the night devolved into quiet discussions between friends, everyone either ready to leave or half asleep. Eventually Jay and Two-face of all people were left alone. Once Ed, Crow, Hatter and the rest had gone home.

Jay always liked Harv, for someone known for his temper he seemed to have a lot of patience and Jay found both of his selves uniquely interesting in their own ways. Harvey the "handsome" one was always very nice, easily flustered, and had a sadness in his eyes that was hard to ignore. "Dent", the one famous for all those 2 themed crimes, was a bold individual and one of the most brutally honest people he knew. That night though, even he seemed a little sad. He admitted later that it was because it'd been a while since he'd gotten to talk to his old pal Bruce, someone Jay was mildly familiar with of course, and they spent the rest of the night discussing Batman and wayne and how they seemed so similar until it really was time to head home. 

 sometime after midnight, long after everyone had either left or found someplace to pass out, Harley broke up with her girl gang again to come get Jay who'd fallen asleep in an empty booth.

"Wake up clown" she said loudly, nudging him a bit. Jay giggled quietly in response, turning over after a moment and opening his eyes.

"Oohh what's up??"

"Time to go." 

"Aw…" Jay huffed disappointedly, then did his best to sit up straight, his head slowly spinning as he did so "ah jeeze…"

"Don't worry I called one of your guys, he's waiting outside." She explained "I dragged you here, might as well drag you home" 

"You did that for me?" Jay smiled "That's so nice…."

"Mhm" carefully, she took his hand got him to his feet, doing her best to keep him up straight. As they headed out they met up with Ivy at the door

"Taking pennywise home?" She asked 

"It'll only take a minute" Harley assured 

"Alright… don't take too long…" she turned to leave but before she could, Jay suddenly spoke up.

"H-hey, Wait!" 

Ivy turned around, brow raised "You have something to say to me?"

"Uh… yeah? I mean… sort of? I just, uh… wanted to say i'm sorry for…  messing up your garden all those times…." 

Ivy blinked "Why are you telling me this now?"

"I just thought you shud kno….  And that um…. Maybe you'd hate me…. A little less... if I said sorry for once..." the frown on Jays face was absolutely pitiful, Ivy could only roll her eyes.

"I don't hate you… Joker"

"Oh?"

"I just think you're annoying…."

"Oh…." Jay couldn't really tell if that was any better but at the moment he was too drunk to care. "Okay…"

With that ivy turned around to join Kat and Livewire

"Thanks for the apology though I suppose…Take care of yourself…. And, Harley don't take too long… it's only 1:00am we still have plans."

"Don't worry Ive's  i'll catch up." 

after one last look, Ivy went back on her way and Harley continued walking J to his car.

As they went Jay hummed to himself, swaying slightly, until a certain thought made him go quiet again.

"....Harley….?" He asked suddenly.

"Yeah, J?"

"Am I a bad friend?" The question just as out of the blue as his apology to Ivy…. 

Harley looked at him, concerned "Why do ya ask?"

"I just…. Please?" He pleaded. Harley hesitated for a long moment but decided being honest was probably best.

" not exactly but… maybe sometimes"

"Hm…" Jay decided he'd have to work on that

"But I also know ya don't really wanna hurt anybody…. That you try your best everyday ta make people happy and that you've been through just as much any of us….  A few mean comments an' dumb pranks ain't gonna make anybody think you're the devil or somethin'….not me or any of the other guys... "

Jay had to smile at that, Harley always had something smart or nice to say no matter what. still, her answer only made him feel worse about how he'd been earlier when she was just trying to help… he really, honestly, didn't deserve her…. But the least he could do was let her know he was glad to have her...

"Harley…?"

"Yeah, J…"

"Thanks for being really, really great all the time… and… y'know… around… " Harley smiled as she secured his arm around her shoulders. 

"Thanks J..." 

"also sorry for sucking sometimes..."

She sighed. "It's fine Jay…."

carefully, she hauled his ragdolling body a few more feet and shoved him into the back seat of his car. J grunting as his head hit the leather seat.

"Now go home an' try not to get lost on your way to the door" She said sternly. Jay gave her a lazy wink and a pair of wobbly finger guns.

"Gotcha." 

with that,Harley slammed the door shut and the J-Mobile's engine roared to life. One his lackeys sitting in the driver's seat.

"Where to boss? HQ?"

"Yup… ah, sorry t' call ya out so late…"

"S'alright boss…. Don't worry about it"

As the car lurched forward, street lights shining in through the windows as snow fell ever so lightly over Gotham like a dusting of fresh powdered sugar, Jay did inevitably start thinking about Batman again, wondering when he'd come back, desperately wishing he knew anything about where he was right now….

The thoughts were hard to ignore and when he got home he knew he'd be surrounded by the same walls he'd spent the last month trapped with them in….  even so, the world felt a little less washed out than it had before he left, and it wasn't just because of the alcohol swirling in his blood. 

He may not have had Batman... But today reminded him he wasn't alone.

He had friends… real friends… In a way he'd always considered them such… but deep down there was always doubt. I mean sure he got along better with some than others, but after knowing people so long he shouldn't have been so dumb to think they hated him as much as he thought they did. 

When you're a villain in Gotham sometimes all you have are other weirdos in the same boat as you to help keep you and everyone else afloat. People need people in more ways than one…  and as Jay drifted off to sleep in the back of his gaudy getaway vehicle, laying in a position that was just barely comfortable, he pushed his worries aside and made sure that was something he'd never let himself forget.

~ End ~

[emometalhead]

Same anon here, my ask was abt a lot of bands in gen but one thing I can’t stop thinking abt is the rocket queen situation. From what I’ve read that girl (I think Adriana??) didn’t get paid to do what she did and that makes me upset even though she did agree to do it for free (not to go into her personally but from what I’ve heard from her she’s. well a little misogynistic in my opinion) she was still taken advantage of and people didn’t really seem to care in fact it was celebrated like “oh stevens gf recorded this sex thing with Axl” when she wasn’t even his gf…but anyway I hope that makes sense bc I really like Guns N’ Roses but I can’t get over that fact like yes they all have their personal issues but I can accept that to an extent, but what they do with their music is different I think that was so horrible what happened 😭 am I wrong for not being able to get over that :( I do like them but I can’t listen after learning abt that! Sorry if this was too long/confusing <3 but I’m just like. she didn’t get anything I think her life got worse bc of it even if u don’t like her it’s still so bad.

Hi anon! Funnily enough, I was just discussing Adriana and Rocket Queen. I'm pretty firm in my opinion, and I even stated it here before a long time ago.

Adriana volunteered to do that for the song. She knew what she was agreeing to. You can argue she wasn't in the best state of mind since she did it to make Steven jealous, and you can argue she didn't know how famous the band/song would get. Also yeah Steven claimed they weren't dating, and that upset her so she turned to Axl.

I still think ultimately she was a grown adult that made a decision that she was initially okay with. Having regrets later on doesn't necessarily make her a victim. Also, not that it was financial compensation, but they did give her a bottle of Jack Daniels. The point is, she did not ask to be paid. She got what she wanted.

I kind of get what you mean about acknowledging their personal issues separately from their music, since a lot of people like to just focus on one or the other. However, I think the music a band makes is directly tied to them as people.

I also don't think it's outrageous that they used sex noises in the song. How they went about it was maybe a bit questionable, but lots of bands have put moans and sex noises in songs. I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to compile a list tbh.

If you are uncomfortable with the song, and it negatively impacts your perception of the band, then that's on you. I'm not going to tell you to get over it, because everyone has different opinions on things! The song and story don't bother me, but that doesn't make it less valid of an issue for you.

I don't have a positive opinion of every GN'R song or decision, but I still love them and their music as a whole. I just don't listen to the songs that upset me. You can totally avoid Rocket Queen if it is hard for you to listen to!! If it ruins everything for you, then that's your hill to die on or you could take a step back and try to re-evaluate later.

I'm not going to tell you what to do, but to summarize, I have no issue with the song. Adriana agreed to what she did. Lots of songs use sex sounds. To me, it's not that big of a deal, but you are totally allowed to feel differently!

[mymymadeline]

•Friendly Dark

gif by: @chrishemsworht​​

pairing: Hallmark Christmas Movie Au! Poe Dameron x Reader 

word count: 6.9k+ words 

summary: 

warnings: alcohol cw

Adore You series: 01, 02, 03, 04, ... - AO3

Even though you’re on vacation, you are far from exempt from your work. And nothing is proving that more than the headache you nurse as you continue pouring over document after document on your tablet. Numbers and figures, charts and graphs, blueprints and sketches, even interviews and gossip articles – they’re all blending together after staring at the screen for what’s likely been hours. 

Snoke’s call the night before was not a social one – they never are. He was going on about some acquisition Kylo’s been trying to make for the past few months, and apparently, he was missing something crucial, which is where you usually come in. The two of you have always been a team for a reason. He was more of the passion and ideas, whereas you were better with relations and logistics. 

Snoke had immediately sent over hundreds of digital files for you to go through and find… well something. Most likely some kind of professional blackmail. Some kind of small violation or incident that would really be such a shame if it came to the media's attention. You know, the usual. 

So far, everything they’ve done is up to code, as far as you can tell. But Snoke won’t take no for an answer. He’d have your head for it. So you continue looking through page after page, searching for some dirt, searching for any kind of upper hand on the competition. 

After coming back in that night while on the phone with Snoke, you blew past your parents and went straight up to your room, where you’ve been for almost the entirety of this Sunday. You couldn’t even face them after that absolute embarrassment of an evening. And though this morning you did stalk around the house if only to get a thing or two to eat, you pointedly ignored your mother, only giving your father a small silent nod of acknowledgment. 

Stealing away to your room for a full day of silent, frustrating work was not exactly your idea of a fun vacation back home, but neither was last night. Just the thought of running into Poe again makes you squeeze your eyes shut in embarrassment and stress. He probably thinks you’re an idiot now. Probably never wants to see you again. And who could blame him if he did? 

If you were a different woman, you’d probably have shed a few embarrassed tears in the solitude of your room, but that wasn’t you. Not anymore. So you rub your eyes once again, and get back to work.

You’re back to staring at a tax filing by the company’s CEO from seventeen years ago when a notification pops up at the top of your screen.

Unknown Number

hey! its rose! i got ur number from when you called the shop lol hope thats not creepy

i was wondering if ur busy tonight? i was thinking of getting drinks w/ some friends at Kanata’s! wanna come? i can pick u up since ur ride is chopped ;)

You blink back at the notification. Drinks? At Kanata��s? 

You can’t remember the last time you actually went out with a group of friends, especially for fun. Taking clients you and Kylo were wooing out to dinner was a common occurrence. But fun? They were never.

Another wave of anxiety washes over you. Friends? Who were these friends? Would they like you? Did you know them? Maybe it would be better to just stay and finish your work. Nothing could go wrong if you did that.

You open the message, absolutely ready to type an excuse why you can’t come, when there’s a gentle knock at your door. You already recognize it as your mother by the way she knocks even before she calls out gently. 

“Love? You in there?”

“I’m here.” You leave your voice flat and emotionless. You need her to know you’re still mad.

“Can… Can I come in?” 

‘No’ dances on the tip of your tongue for a strong moment, but the uncertainty in her soft voice gives you pause. 

“...Okay.”

The door clicks open slowly and your mother pokes her head in, a small, nervous smile affecting her features. You only look at her blankly from your nest of blankets and pillows that have been on your bed since high school.

She steps more fully into the room, closing the door behind her most of the way. She leaves it open just a little, giving the both of you some air to breathe, but also, in a way, making sure not to lock herself in a cage with a wounded animal. 

And she approaches you like one–cautious, hands visible and apologetic. You huff, curled up in the corner of your bed, and try to look anywhere but at her. But she’s hard to avoid as she sits gently on the far edge of your bed and pulls her hands into her lap, looking down and rolling them over one another contemplatively. You two sit like this for a moment, simmering in the uncomfortable tension, but like hell you’re the one with anything to apologize for. 

She lets out a deep sigh. “I’m… so, so sorry… about my behavior last night. I suppose I just… wasn’t handling your absence as well as I thought I was.”

Despite the small sorrow your heart finds at her small and broken tone, the anger–rage even– that has been boiling since the night before claws desperately to be let out. You breathe deeply, and do your best to keep it still in its place. But that doesn’t exclude the fury that seeps into your quiet voice, as you level your gaze with hers.

“Mom, that was the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me in my entire professional career. I need you to know this.”

She nods understandingly and looks back to her fiddling hands. “Yes. I know. And I couldn’t be sorry enough. I realized...I– I don’t know how to be your mother anymore.” You blink at this. A terrible lurch in your gut crawls into your throat at the sight of the tears silently beginning their descent down her cheeks. “I don’t know what to do for you when you're a grown woman who’s accomplished so much on her own without me. I miss you, but I’m not really sure I know you anymore.”

She looks up suddenly at you, her face twisted with grief and regret.

“I didn’t mean it like that… I-”

You stop her, shaking your head, swallowing the lump in your throat, willing the sudden strange wetness in your eyes away. Your voice comes out more choked up than you wish. But whatever wall was up is quickly crumbling away.

“No… Mom, I think I understand.” You look down at your own hands now, picking at your nails nervously, silently discovering the lineage of this habit of yours. You smile sadly at the thought. “I feel that way too sometimes… about myself.”

“Oh, love.” Your mother reaches out, placing her hand on your foot, the only part of you she can reach, and squeezes it gently. She smiles sweetly, her eyes and cheeks still wet, though she’s wiped away the tears.

“You’re not my little girl anymore… but you’re still my daughter, and I’ll love you no matter what.”

You nod, suppressing a sniff as you rub at your nose. She squeezes your foot one more time before standing up and making her way back to the door. She reaches for the handle when you call out. 

“I love you, Mom.”

The smile she sends you is genuine, heartfelt, and warming to your core. It makes you realize how much you truly missed your mother, even if she had her difficulties. “I love you too, girlie.”

With that, she closes the door, leaving you alone with your tablet and the unanswered message. But you know your response now. 

Me

Sounds fun! Let me know what time. I’d love to come, if you’ll have me.

You begin entering Rose’s information into your contacts and her response is almost immediate.

Rose Tico

duuuh! ill get u at like 8ish? and we’ll meet them there! cant wait!

You look down at the message and can’t help but feel a little more at home. 

______________

 You run a hand through your hair, adjusting your outfit for the hundredth time. You’ve opted for something more casual tonight. Something a little more friendly, approachable. You suddenly frown at your reflection. You don’t need these people’s approval. Well, no. But it wouldn’t be so bad to be friendly for once would it?

The two voices in your head continue to battle it out, leaving you frozen in the mirror, desperately trying to understand how you feel in this moment. Anxious? Perhaps. Regretful of accepting this invitation? Maybe. 

Your phone chirps, lighting up on your desk. Glancing over, you see it’s Rose. You don’t need to read it to know it’s just her announcing her arrival, but you pick it up anyway, settling down on your bed and slipping on your shoes as you open the message.

Rose Tico

here!!! right in front lol

Me

One moment!

You lace up your boots quickly, practically sprinting out of your room and down the stairs, snatching up your long coat on the way. 

“I’m headed out, I won’t be back until you guys are already in bed. So, goodnight.”

You call out to the living room as you pull on the coat, your parents turning from their seats on the couch, eyeing you with interest.

“And where are you going this late, young lady?” Your father questions sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

“Out with friends,” you rush, already halfway out the door, spotting Rose in her car and giving a small wave. “Love you, bye!”

Half-jogging down the steps, you cross quickly but cautiously through the snow-laden yard, careful not to slip. As you close the gate behind you, Rose is already opening the passenger door from the inside, beckoning you in.

“Get inside, it’s freezing!”

You allow yourself a small laugh and slide into the seat next to her. Pulling the door closed, you look around, taking in the space of the car, as she starts it back up and pulls away from the curb. 

Like most things in The Base, it’s worn and old, peeling and chafed, likely held together with duct tape and love. But despite all of its imperfections, it’s not only comfortable, it’s cozy. It’s warm and personal, every dent containing a story, every mile meaningful. 

You can’t help but think back to the chill rigid efficiency of your TIE. Sure, it gets the job done, and is mighty stylish while it does so, but you’ve never felt like it was yours. Never felt anything but cool indifference for its sleek lines and dark exterior. 

“So, you’re looking snazzy tonight.” Rose pulls you out of your thoughts with her cheery tone. 

You look down at your outfit, once again tugging at its hems. 

“Am I? I was actually trying to dress down.”

She laughs at that. “You think that’s dressing down? No way, this is dressing down.” She takes one hand off the wheel, gesturing at her own attire: A brown button-up with a sewn name tag and a pair of dark cargo pants. Likely the uniform she wore to work today. Her cool attitude and smooth voice put you at ease, and you can feel your guard begin to lower. 

“I like this on you,” you quietly praise. You pick at your nails, continuing, “Don’t take this the wrong way, please, but… I admire that you can wear clothes like that and feel comfortable. I feel like I have to dress up all the time, no matter what. I don’t know… I- Nevermind.”

You look up at Rose and she pulls her eyes away from the road for a moment to give you a meaningful look. She nods sympathetically, her previous lightness replaced by understanding. She realizes the weight of this seemingly minor admission.

“I get it, I do.” She gives you a soothing smile. “I just hope you can feel comfortable here… with us. We like having you back, even if just for a moment.”

Still smiling, she turns back to the wheel with a light shrug. “Plus, this isn’t Canto Bight. You’ll look great no matter what.”

You groan, half sardonic, half-serious. “Oh, please don’t remind me. You know, I thought I was a vulture, but those people,” you give an audible shiver. “They’re something else.”

Rose laughs melodically. “Oh, do tell.”

______________

 The ride to the bar is short, the car only really needed for warmth, but the company is appreciated. Rose laughs along to your story of once attempting to cover for Kylo’s drunken rage in front of investors, and while it was a very unamusing situation at the time, you find yourself chuckling with her. 

“Well, that’s why we don’t let him have Bespin Fizzes anymore.”

Rose giggles at that, before piping up in her seat a little. “There it is!”

The bar comes into view just ahead, a familiar neon sign reading Kanata’s hanging overhead a small brick building. The parking lot is compact, but practically full, reminding you just how small the town is, as Kanata’s is the only real bar in the whole Base, and as such, is the town’s favorite happy hour hangout. 

She leans up the dashboard, pointing to an old, grey, junky Corellian that’s as familiar to the town as the bar. 

“There’s the Falcon,” she points out with a smile, though you don’t need her to tell which car it is. “They’re here.”

You nod, smiling at the old hunk of junk fondly, before suddenly realizing what the Falcon’s presence implies. She pulls up to the spot next to it as you turn to her.

“Wait, we’re getting drinks with Han? ” You try not to sound upset, only curious, but Rose reads your panic easily. 

“No, silly,” she giggles, and seems to dodge the question, stepping out of the car. You quickly follow behind, stepping out into the chill night air. Closing the doors, Rose rounds the car and you trail next to her, past the Falcon and towards the bar's entrance. She continues her explanation without you having to ask. 

“About five years ago, Han gave the Falcon away.”

“He gave it away? Why would he do that? To who?” 

She pushes open the door, leading you into the dimly lit bar, which you only now realize with its unfamiliar interior, that you never stuck around to be old enough to actually enter it. The lights are low, yellow and red, but not unwelcoming, in fact creating a warm atmosphere. It’s brightest around the bar itself, with neon and string lights, as patrons sit on the stools, chatting over the low playing jukebox on the far side of the room. Near it are a couple of pool tables, busy with players in the middle of games. A few locals drink in booths against the walls, however Rose leads you towards the high tables and stools in the middle of the room. You’re scanning the bar for anyone you recognize when you finally see where she’s leading you– to the only couple occupying the tables, and your heart drops into your stomach as your fight or flight instinct kicks in. 

“To them!” Rose points but once again you don’t need her helpful hand to see what you need to.

At the table is a girl you don’t recognize with a sweet face and dark hair, but it’s the familiar face next to her that makes you want to run.

Finn, your old classmate, but more importantly your old employee, sits smiling and laughing, casual as anything. You knew Finn left First Order – on very bad terms, one would be remiss to forget – after a fateful trip home for somewhere less cutthroat and competitive, but you thought that meant somewhere like Alderaan. You didn’t think he’d come back, and you certainly didn’t think you’d actually see him here.  

Rose doesn’t notice your hesitation, continuing to pull you forward and calling out to her friends. She catches their attention, waving, and you brace for the moment of impact. 

Finn is going to be mad that you’re here. He’s going to be furious. He’s going to stand up and yell at Rose about how awful of a person you are and make sure nobody in this town will even so much as smile at you ever again. He’s going to laugh in your face and tell you to go back to Coruscant and you’ll do it because you’re so deeply embarrassed.

The girl turns first, smiling and waving back at Rose. She grins brightly at you as well, obviously unfamiliar but still friendly. Finn turns second with an easy expression, glancing at you briefly before doing a double-take. His face falls, but not into anger like you expect. It drops to confusion, like he’s making sure it’s you, which then turns into half-smug disbelief, a bewildered smile taking over his features. 

Finn speaks first. “No-freaking-way.”

Tension still wracks your body as he steps off the stool, meeting you and Rose in front of the table. Rose looks between the two of you before dropping your hand and covering her eyes.

“Oh my God, I totally forgot about the whole…” She looks to you apologetically, not towards Finn, which confuses you. “I’m so sorry I forgot to say.”

“No, I- it’s okay. I just hope I’m not intruding.” It seems that this town just loves to leave you at a loss for words.

Finn laughs, seemingly completely at ease. “Not unless you’re here to talk about work. Or to try to win me back.”

“God, no. Not that we wouldn’t love to have you back but,” you glance quickly at the friendly girl still sitting at the table, obviously confused. “I understand that you’re much happier here.”

“That I am.”

“Then that’s all I care about.”

Rose absolutely buzzes with energy at the exchange. “Yay! So we’re all still friends and everything?” Her hands are clasped and her hopeful eyes flicker back and forth between the two of you. 

You turn your gaze back to Finn, hoping that you look as genuine as he does. “I hope so.”

“I don’t see any reason why not,” He smiles warmly at you, offering his hand. “Besides, you weren’t exactly the one that left me with a bad taste in my mouth.”

You take his hand easily, and just barely manage to quell your surprise when he uses it to tug you into a warm hug. The recent bombardment of hugs you’ve received in the past few days is the only thing that gets your arms moving properly, wrapping loosely around Finn for a moment before you part. 

As you pull back, an awkwardness comes to hang in the air as a silence settles between the four of you. You suddenly remember the girl at the table seemingly the same moment that Finn does. He pipes up, turning towards her and half leading you to the table where they were sitting. 

“Right, uh, Rey, I’d like you to meet an old friend of mine.” 

You extend a hand and introduce yourself to the woman, Rey, and she lets out an awkward laugh as she takes it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I was a bit, erm, hesitant to intrude on the moment. Seems like there’s a lot of history going on here.”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Finn laughs before his nose scrunches up in thought. “Actually, you might have some idea. You know the place I used to work before we met?”

Rey’s face twists in disgust. “You mean that awful tech company? God, you couldn’t stop talking about how awful it was for almost a year. Must’ve been terrible. Did you work there too?” 

She looks to you as your cheeks heat up and you can't help the grimace that creeps into your expression. “I actually still do.” 

Finn opens his mouth but Rey beats him to it. “Oh no, that must be awful. What do you do? Get yelled at all day by some tall blonde woman like Finn did?” She chuckles at her own joke, but she’s the only one. Finn and Rose look like they’d rather be anywhere else. Probably at the bar. With strong drinks. Yet, you feel a chill indifference wash over you. The one you feel whenever you walk through the doors of the First Order offices and meetings. 

“Actually I’m the COO.”

Rey’s jaw slackens with the shock, mouth starting and stopping any words she attempts to get out. “I… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.” Finn has his head fully in his hands and Rose looks like she might die. But you smile softly.

“It’s okay. I’ve heard far worse before. From people whose opinions were far more important.”

The urge to storm out tugs at your gut but your feet stay planted. It’s strange. You’re not quite sure what emotion it is that you’re feeling exactly. There’s anger, but it’s the blow to your pride that fuels it. There’s certainly embarrassment. Mostly, you realize it’s guilt. Guilt that the company you worked so hard to build has hurt people - people that you care about. You knew it happened, probably every day, probably right at this moment, but being faced with the conversations that people must be having behind your back… It hurts. It hurts in many directions. 

“Drinks!” Rose chirps loudly, desperate to break the tension. “I’ll go get us some drinks!”

She spins on a dime and immediately heads towards the bar. Looking between you and Rey, Finn gulps. “She’ll probably need some… help with those…” He’s immediately out of his chair and trailing behind Rose. 

Rey sits quietly, a thoughtful look on her face as you finally take a seat on the stool across from her. The silence hangs for a moment as the jukebox croons quietly in the background. 

“I really didn’t mean it that way,” Rey starts quietly. “It’s just…” She leans towards you, elbows resting in front of her on the table. Her eyes are earnest, kindness pouring forth. “Finn was miserable when we met in Jakku. Work was stressing him out to no end, but mostly… he felt like he was hurting people. He had a stable and successful job but… what did it cost him? All he ever wanted to do was help people.” She sighs, and a small smile tugs at her lips. “I like to think I helped him, but really, he knew all along what he had to do. I’m so grateful that we’re both here now, working with the kids, helping people where it feels like it really matters. I can’t speak for you, but it sounds like you’re proud of your company, and I’m glad but… It just wasn’t right for Finn. I hope I haven’t offended you.”

You’re momentarily stunned by her small speech. Not just the words but her honesty. You can tell from the tone of her voice just how much she cares for Finn and how much she believes in their cause. You find a small stain on the table, gazing at it intensely in thought. You’ve just wanted to help people too, all your life, but making something of yourself always came first it seemed. You told yourself you were helping people, creating new things that made so many people’s lives easier, donating intensely to charities, but how many people were you hurting on the way? How many times can you tell yourself that some eggs must be cracked to make an omelette? How many people have you screwed over, blackmailed, and outright stolen from? How many shady people have you bought from or sold to? How many things have you ignored or swept under the carpet just to keep business running as usual?

“If it helps… Finn always spoke highly of you.” 

You look up as Rey draws you out of your thoughts, something she obviously picks up on going by her smile. 

“Well… He’s a good man. A good friend before he was an employee… I didn’t mean what I said either - about your opinion not mattering. That’s not true, I just…” You trail off, but look up to find comfort and forgiveness in her warm expression. You give her a small genuine smile of your own. “Maybe we should just start over.”

You extend a hand, introducing yourself and she does the same, laughing lightly as she does so. At that moment, Rose and Finn come shuffling over, each balancing a tray with a few colorful drinks and rounds of shots. Placing the trays on the table, Finn eyes your smiles and parting hands. 

“Are you guys… Is everything good now?”

You nod, laughing. “Yes, I think we just got off on the wrong foot.”

“And we’re just here to have a good time and hang out - no work talk.” Rey winks at Finn. He lets out a hearty laugh, clapping you two on the back. 

“Oh, you two are good.”

“Actually, there’s one more thing,” Rose cuts in. She looks absolutely tickled pink, poorly suppressing her roguish grin. Finn and Rey raise an eyebrow in unison, seemingly used to this behavior. 

Rose giggles, “I invited Poe!” 

You instantly feel your heart rate pick up and a gentle heat rise in your cheeks, but it seems your the only one excited about this development. Rey only sighs with an unamused laugh. Rolling his eyes, Finn shakes his head, “That’s not exactly a surprise.” He turns to you. “She invites him out every time. And every time he says no. ‘Too busy.’”

“He never just relaxes,” Rey chimes in. “We’re constantly inviting him out, even inviting ourselves into the shop occasionally, but he’s just so dedicated to his work. It’d be admirable if it wasn’t so annoying.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Rose waves her hands around, as if attempting to dispel the negative comments in the air before they reach you. “BUT… I told him a certain special someone was gonna be here!” 

Finn and Rey both turn to you, Rey holding an expression of curiosity and Finn looking at you with new eyes, the gears turning almost visibly in his head. Did she mean you? Everyone seems to be looking at you expectantly so… she must be. Sure, Poe seems to like you well enough but… This is behavior that seems to have been going on for years. How could your presence possibly change that?

“Wh- Me?” You ask, turning to Rose at a sudden loss for words. “Why- What makes me special?”

Rose rolls her eyes so hard her head can’t help but follow. “You are so oblivious. And so special.”

Finn nods, with a grin you can only describe as ‘shit-eating.’ 

“Of course.” He bites his lip deviously. “This is gonna be so fun.”

“Really wha-”

You’re cut off by the sound of the blowing snow and wind as the door creaks open behind you. As if on cue, each of your heads swivel to the entrance to see the door swinging shut behind Poe shaking the snowflakes out of his hair, cheeks ruddy from the outside cold. He looks up from tugging his gloves off to see the four of you gawking at him. If he can tell he just walked in on a discussion of himself, he doesn’t show it. He practically beams at the four of you, but lets his eyes settle on yours.

“Hey guys.”

“This is gonna be so fun,” You hear Finn whisper behind you. 

You fail miserably at trying to hide your smile, but you know it’s for the best. 

______________

 “God, I know it’s embarrassing but... that’s so funny.” Rey chuckles with red cheeks, thoroughly amused.

“But it’s so embarrassing,” You exclaim, a little louder than you’re usually comfortable with but the drinks you’ve been slowly consuming for the past two hours have loosened your tongue just a bit. 

Finn continues to shake his head in laughter. “I do love your mom, though. I wanna thank her for that one. A proper Base welcome.”

“C’mon, it really wasn’t so bad,” Poe laughs. 

Once he’d arrived, everyone made quick work of getting him a drink and dragging over a stool, planting him firmly and snuggly between you and Rose. Small pleasantries and catching up eventually turned into you and Poe recounting the previous night's dinner and conversation at the strong behest of the rest of the group. It mostly consisted of you complaining and apologizing to Poe and him simply laughing it off, attempting to placate your worries. Finn, Rey, and Rose simply watched in entertainment, soaking up every juicy detail. 

“Really, you have to stop beating yourself up about it. You’ll drive yourself insane.” Poe places a hand on your shoulder, sending a little shiver of electricity through your body that you desperately try to curb. You look down at his hand on your shoulder and are struck with the desire to see it as often as possible. Meeting his eyes, they are warm and kind and cause you to immediately lose whatever it was you were going to just say. You are now very aware of just how buzzed you are. 

“I’ll… I’ll try.” You give him a small smile and he accepts it readily, his own smile growing. Over your shoulder, Finn must catch his eye because he swiftly turns his head back to his drink on the table and clears his throat. His hand gives you a small pat and quickly retreats back to his lap. His hand makes a loose fist and you miss its warmth. 

“Well,” Rose starts. “It’s getting late and I am so beat. I should get going.” 

Rose gives a meaningful glance at Finn and Rey, “Isn’t it a school night? You guys should get going too. Don’t want to have to show a video tomorrow.”

Finn’s eyes widen a bit and Rey nods fervently. 

“Yes, absolutely. You’re so right, Rose.” Finn begins standing up from his stool. “C’mon, Rey, we should be off.”

Those fucking conspirators. You know you should be grateful - they’re trying very hard to set you up with your high school crush - but all you can feel is panic. You’re an expert at talking to people, from brokering deals to conducting yourself in interviews and even giving presentations, you’ve trained and practiced in the art of discussion. But for some reason, just being in the same room as Poe makes your brain short circuit. Your mind constantly pulls back and forth whether to close off and shut him out or loosen up and actually let him in. It’s barely been three days but it feels like so much longer. And that’s terrifying.

“Uh-Wh- Are you guys okay to drive?” You sputter.

Finn sends you a reassuring smile as he grabs Rey by the shoulders, “Rey might not be in any state to drive, but I’m totally fine. I’ve had maybe two drinks in the past couple hours. Don’t worry.” 

Rose is off her stool too, gathering her coat. “Could you maybe drop me off too? I’d just walk but it’s so damn cold.”

“No problem, Rose.”

“What about me? I’m supposed to walk then?” You interject, flustered. “Rose, you drove me here.”

Rose gives an exaggerated look of cluelessness, giving you a shrug before looking over at Poe.

Breaking his momentary silence, Poe gives you a nod. “Yeah, I can give you a ride if you want.” 

You can only nod along. “Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you.”

Rose lets out a little squeal, scrambling over to give you a kiss on the cheek and skip out the door, calling out goodbyes over her shoulder. You can’t help but roll your eyes and laugh along with Finn and Rey, both of them giving you and Poe sidehugs before taking their exit as well. 

As the doors swing shut and the silence between you settles, you glance around at the bar. There are about half as many people as there were a few hours ago but the place doesn’t feel empty by any means. The few patrons still mill about, some playing pool, some chatting at the bar. You sigh contently at the sight, something Poe catches as he watches you.

“Good to be home?”

You look over, momentarily studying his handsome features in the warm lights as you try to figure out how to answer his question. 

“I don’t know. Like I said before, it’s not really home. And yet it is.”

He nods, thinking for a second. “But are you happy to be here?”

You eye him, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I’m starting to be.”

“Well, I’ll drink to that.” He grins, holding up his bottle. You meet his with your own, both taking a swig with a smile.

As you settle your drinks back on the table, Poe leans over with a lowered voice. Your pulse thrums in your veins. “You know, I actually had a great time last night, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

You sigh with chagrin, momentarily closing your eyes to rub at the spot between your brows. 

“Well, I’m glad you had so much fun at my expense.” 

Poe leans away, shutting his eyes in his own embarrassment. 

“That’s not what I meant, I’m sorry.”

You chuckle lightly, a sound that gets Poe to open one eye before breaking into a smile, laughing with you. He leans in again, still smiling but a serious tone overtakes him.

“I really understand if you don’t want to talk about it but… What was your mother talking about… with Ben?”

You feel like a bucket of water has been dumped on you, ruining the easy-going mood you’d let slowly wash over you for the past few hours, but when you look at him, you can’t help but want to tell him everything.

“I just… I’ve only heard bits and pieces about what happened after you graduated. You really… disappeared.”

“Not disappeared,” you say quietly, with grit in your voice. “They just started paying attention to me somewhere else.”

“I paid attention to you,” Poe murmurs. When you catch his eye, he corrects himself. “I mean, we all did.”

You smile sadly, “Yeah, this is different.”

Poe gently knocks your shoulder with his, making you let out a snicker. Glancing over, Poe levels you with a genuine look, with soft eyes and a smile. “I get the feeling you don’t talk about your life often. So, tell me about it.”

He’s right. You never talk about your life, you certainly never regale your story to whoever asks. Doing that requires you to be vulnerable, it requires self-reflection and introspection. It requires you to think about things that you’ve long locked away inside. But… 

“Well, I’m not sure how well you remember, or if you ever noticed but… no one ever really talked to me. Then one day, Ben did. No one ever really talked to him either, so we made a fast pair. He was odd... but he was a real friend to me. I wouldn’t have traded that for anything.”

Poe nods understandably, encouraging you to keep going. 

“We decided to stick together. We got into Imperial University together and got out as quickly as we could. Neither of us… We couldn’t stay here, not with what we planned on doing with our lives. This town… it just wasn’t for us.”

“Yeah, I hear that a lot. I get that, too.” Poe takes a drink.

“You do?”

He laughs softly. “Yeah, but that’s a story for another time. Keep going.”

“We learned at school that we worked really well together. Our mentor Snoke realized that, too. He led us, taught us, molded us. He helped us build our company, First Order Tech. He was our first investor, he still sits on the board of directors. Kylo… Ben may be the CEO, but Snoke is still in charge of both of us to this day. It’s our company, we created it from the ground up but… We still bow to him.”

You shake your head. Time for the hard part. Might as well get it out quick and easy.

“Somewhere along the way… I don’t know if it was love. It wasn’t love how it should be - I can tell you that. But, Ben and I… were together. And then he proposed. I don’t think it was because he wanted to. I think he just thought… he was supposed to. Just the natural progression of our lives, I guess.”

You don’t realize you’re crying until the teardrops reach your chin, where they hang heavily before dropping onto your lap. You quickly wipe them away, as Poe once again places a hand on your back, but this time it stays there, his thumb rubbing comfortably back and forth.

“You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. It’s okay.”

“I just,” You sniffle, wiping your nose. Way to break down just as he was warming up to you, kiddo. “I’ve never talked about this before, not really. I don’t even think I’ve ever cried over this before.”

“Anyway, I somehow became lucid enough to call it off a few months before the wedding.” 

You sniff wetly and press the backs of your hands to your eyes, your makeup no doubt ruined by now. Poe’s thumb keeps its motion.

“I just wanted it so bad,” Your voice cracks. The lump that had been caught in your throat breaks free in the form of a sob. “I let myself be blind because I…”

Your hands are shaking and tears run freely down your face.

“I wanted to be loved. And I thought that’s how I would get it. But I woke up.” 

You drop your hands onto the table, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. You clench your fists and your voice no longer trembles.

“And I’m glad I did. We’re both better people for it.”

Only now do you chance a look at Poe. You had kept your gaze down, too scared to find what his expression might be, too scared to read his thoughts on his face. But his hand had stayed planted, comforting you. That had to mean something, right?

Looking up, you see only his warm gaze that had assured you deeply enough to get you talking in the first place. It carries a sadness, a kind of worry in the crease between his slightly upturned brows. But you find no disgust. No pity. 

“I wish I knew what to say.”

You chuckle wetly, “You don’t have to say anything. I understand that it’s a lot.”

His hand makes a broad stroke across your back as he leans in once again. 

“There’s actually a lot of things I want to say, but I’m sure you’d hate all of them considering they all sound like condescending things your mom has probably said to you over the years.”

A genuine laugh bubbles out of you at this, a bright smile pulling up your wet mascara stained cheeks. Seeing this, Poe can’t help a smile of his own.

“Things like ‘you’re so brave’ and ‘you poor thing’?” You giggle.

He chuckles, “Yeah something like that, the usuals.”

“Well thank you for sparing me.”

“No problem.” He pauses for a moment. “But really, thank you for telling me.”

He sounds like he means it.

“Thank you for listening, Poe.”

And so do you.

You sit like that just for a moment, gazing at each other. You take in the small details, admiring the creases around his eyes, the shape of his jaw, the curls in his hair. He seems to be taking you in as well, his eyes flickering across your features. You see them linger on the stains of your cheeks, turning your head away subconsciously. 

“Ready to go?” He asks softly. 

You smile and nod, wiping at your nose with your sleeve. “Yeah, I think I’m ready.”

You wobble just a bit as you get up from your seat, but Poe’s hand is still there to steady you. It stays there as you walk to the door. Stepping out into the cold, you instinctively huddle against him, a move he readily accepts as you walk.

“I’m not always a sad drunk, I promise.”

You feel the rumble of his chest as he laughs gently at your small joke.

“Don’t worry. I believe you.”

The ride is comfortably silent, except for the low hum of the radio as you drive. Pulling up to your house, you want to say something, do something, to thank him for what he did tonight. For driving you home, for listening to you and comforting you as you practically sobbed in his arms, for coming to the bar at all, supposedly just because you were there. 

But you don’t do anything.

“I’ll see you around,” is all you say. 

You hear him swallow as he nods. “Yeah, I’ll… I’ll see you.”

When you finally slink upstairs and collapse in your bed, you still feel the phantom touch of Poe’s hand across your back. 

-

notes: Whew! Thank you SO much for reading and thanks to all the people who stuck around! It’s been such a long and hard year and I hope everyone is doing okay. I’m determined to make this year great and I hope you all will join me!

I understand it’s been forever so if you’re on the taglist and would like to taken off it, hit me up and I’ll totally understand - and if you’re not on the taglist and would like to be leave a reply or send me a message! love you all <3

taglist: @ikbenplant @jamesdeerest​​ @fortheloveoflamp @operation-spot @asianravenpuff @whovianayesha @ultrunning @nowheredreamer @honestlyjustwow​ @badwolf-212 (for some reason i can never tag you properly :( ) 

[golbrocklovely]

just a distraction // sam golbach

requested by anonymous: I don't know if u also write about Sam, I hope u do, and if u do, can u write an imagine about Sam and the reader chilling in his room (Sam is not dating Kat) and they get into a deep conversation which ends up with a hot make out session?

A/N: I haven't done a Sam one shot ever so I'm excited for this. Hopefully this is what you wanted, anon! And please feel free to request Sam (even tho he's taken). There's not enough Sam love going around and I will gladly be the supply for it lol LMK what you think :) and obviously in this story Sam and Kat aren't together/never met.

trigger warning: cursing????, fluff, light smut

word count: 1352

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I laid my head back against the head rest of my seat. I was parked outside my best friend's apartment, considering not going up to see him. I had called him an hour ago, telling him I was upset with something that just happened and that I really needed to vent. He said I could come over. But now, sitting outside his place... I felt like maybe I was being a burden, or just too over-dramatic.

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. I glanced down at it, seeing a message pop up.

Sam: are you almost here?

I smiled, opening the message and responding.

Y/N: yeah. just pulled in. heading up now.

I got out of my car, and walked to the entrance of his place, buzzing up to him. The door clicked open and I walked through the lobby and to the elevator. I clicked the fourth button and went to his floor. I followed the hallway down to his place, knocking on his door twice.

The door swung open, revealing Sam with a light smile on his face. He was in red sweatpants and a white t-shirt.

"Hey Y/N. Come in." He moved to the side, allowing me through.

I walked in and went to his couch, sitting down lazily. Sam chuckled at my expression as he changed his LED lights to a soft pink color.

He sat down next to me, his legs crossed on the couch. "So... what's wrong?"

"Hayden." I mumbled.

Sam rolled his eyes. "What did he do now?"

"Let me show you." I hissed.

I pulled out my phone and went to Instagram. I scrolled to the picture and handed my phone to Sam.

"I think he's trying to win an award for 'worst ex ever'." I groaned.

Sam stared down at my phone, a confused look on his face. "Isn't that your friend Sarah?"

"Yep. And she's making out with Hayden. At the Santa Monica Pier. Which is where our first date was." I scoffed.

"'like i would miss you lol'..." Sam mumbled, reading the caption.

“I blocked him on everything, only for him to show up on Sarah's page. I love that for me.” I smiled sarcastically.

“Why is she with him?” Sam asked.

“Who knows? All I know is she was one of the only people that knew how much of a shit he was to me the whole time we dated. And yet she's with him. I was gonna call her but I'm too upset to do it. I'll probably just curse her out and look like a fucking crazy person.” I sighed.

Sam shook his head. “No. You're not crazy for being upset. You have every right to be pissed off. This is low of him and her.”

“I just thought I was over him…” I insisted quietly.

“You guys were together for a year. Give yourself some time.” He replied.

“I don't think I’m just upset at this, though. I'm also upset that nothing got resolved. I told him how much he hurt me and his response was 'well break up with me then'. And I did. I don't regret doing that. I'm just annoyed that he never apologized.” I explained, fidgeting with my rings.

“He's a douche.” Sam jeered.

I nodded. “More than that. He always made me feel like I was crazy. When we were alone together, it was always lovey-dovey and cutesy. And then the second we would be with my friends or his, he would go and make fun of me, make me look like a joke. I never understood why he did that. And I never will.”

Sam turned his body towards me, resting his elbow on the top of the couch. “Y/N, can I be honest with you?”

“Sure.” I responded.

“I've known you for a long time. And I hate to be the one to tell you this, but... you really suck at getting good boyfriends. Or even flings.” He informed hesitantly.

I squinted my eyes at him. “Thanks, Sam.”

He sighed, knowing I was upset. “No. Listen. I'm saying you fall for the wrong guys. You fall for every guy so quickly and then get your heart broken because they were jerks the whole time and you just ignored that side of them.”

“Not every one of them has been that bad.” I remarked.

He shrugged. “No, but not every one of them treated you right. Hayden was the last guy you should have ended up with.”

My body mimicked his, turning me so we were face-to-face. “Why didn't you say something before?”

“Because... you seemed happy. It wasn't until you came over breaking down and telling me how much you hated being with him that I finally realized you weren't.” He stated.

“Who do you think I should be with?” I questioned.

“I think you need to be with someone that knows the real you. That cares about you and would tell everyone that. That isn't afraid to show you off.” He answered.

“So... the opposite of Hayden?” I joked.

Sam chuckled. “Duh.”

I paused for a second. “Maybe you're right.”

“I think I am.” Sam smirked, as I giggled quietly.

When my gaze landed back on him, he was staring into my eyes. Our eyes locked, and I was suddenly aware of how close he was to me, our legs touching each other. My heart beat picked up its pace. My nerves shot through me, making me feel hot.

Why was I feeling this way?

Sam glanced down at my mouth, and quickly leaned in, pecking my lips. The kiss was fast, almost too quick.

He swallowed hard as he pulled away. A light blush rose to his face, hardly noticeable with the pink lighting. "Um... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... done that."

“No, it's okay. I-I... didn't hate it.” I muttered.

He cut me off, only realizing what I said. “I don't know why I did that. I - wait what?”

“What? Was I supposed to hate it?” I laughed.

“Uh, no. I guess.” His eyes came back to mine for a moment. “You're not weirded out?”

“By you kissing me? No. It was a nice… distraction.” I trailed off.

“Right...” Sam uttered.

We sat there awkwardly in silence. I stared at the floor, focusing on a piece of carpet. Sam picked at his couch, running his nails up and down it. All that could be heard was our breathing, which made mine almost speed up.

“Do you want me to keep distracting you?” His voice was deep and calm.

I turned my head back to Sam, his head already facing me. I could feel my eyes drift down to Sam’s lips. I wasn’t opposed to kissing Sam. I never really thought about me and him together, but I don’t think I would hate it. We had been friends for such a long time, and a lot of our friends always joked about us being together.

Maybe I was getting too caught up in it all. Besides, like he said, it was just a distraction.

I nodded at him, biting my lip.

The energy in the room felt electric. I could feel my heart in my throat as Sam closed the gap between us. As his lips landed on mine, I sighed deeply.

Sam wrapped his arms around me, pulling me as close to him as he could get me. He lightly bit my lip, sliding his tongue in as I gasped. My hands glided up his stomach, gripping his shirt tightly. I threw one of my legs over his lap, trying to get closer to him.

One of his hands slithered down my thigh, causing a light moan to escape my lips. Sam pulled me into his lap, my legs wrapping around him and straddling his hips.

Sam grunted against our kiss as I pressed myself down onto him. His hand slid into my hair, gently yanking my head back. His lips moved to my now exposed neck, nipping and sucking on my skin.

His mouth stopped at my ear, whispering. “Just a distraction, huh.”

[x1-imaginesreturns]

Hi, can u recommend me some x1 fics that you have read recently or your favourite ones + ur fave accounts? I can't find proper ones besides urs 😔 btw I love ur blog❤❤

Thank you so much, I’m honored!! ☺️

Favorite Accounts + Fics they’ve written:

@lovingyun

Under The Rose is my favorite series by her and she also has another fic (for Yunseong) called Know It All. She is my absolute favorite writer and best friend I recommend everything by her 183940473728% 😉👊

@tomyw0rld

I don’t have an exact favorite by them, but I love the way they write!! Their stories have some depth and raw emotion to them, would definitely recommend anything by them.

@minheefreckles

I LOVE THEIR WRITING! So so so so much! 1000% check them out.

@asdfghjilysm

I absolutely love the detail and thought put into each and every one of their writings and it’s always so fun seeing their writing pop up into my feed.

@x1scenarios

Even though most of her stuff is short, each one is very fun, adorable, and enjoyable to read! Check her stuff out!!

@pyox1

Top 👏 tier 👏 quality 👏 cONTENT 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 I seriously am in love with their stuff.... pLEASE READ THEM THEY’RE SO GOOD

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uwu literally just UWU,,,,, their writings are so cuTe go check them out!!

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they always hit you riGHT in the relatable fEEls no lie. I love their stuff and they’re really talented!!

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aHHHH sHE JUST PUT OUT TRY AGAIN AND IT WAS AMAZING!! her stuff is amazing no lie, sO mucH talenT

@sweetdejun

She recently put out Coterie: The Ninja Star and I aM in loVe with it, go check her stuff out!!

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AMAZING, ABSOLUTELY TALENTED!!! I love her workS sM please go give her lots oF loVe!!

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I love her works, very short but super detailed and theY alWays hit you in the feels!! They never fail to make me smile!

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I love her stuFF sO fREaKINg much!! There’s so much packed into each and every blurb and I love iT, please go check her out!!

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UWU SHE LITERALLY WROTE A FIC FOR ME SO I’M PRETTY BIASED HERE bUt her writing has been really good lately, so please go look at some of it!!

@bossyohan

their writing absolutely slaps and that’s all I can say! Please go check them out, I love all of their stuff sm

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They write for multiple groups, but everything they write is so detailed and good and readable and beautiful and I love them all sm!

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She writes once in a blue moon but when she does it’s alWAYS AMAZING!! Go check out her works and other stuff too!

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I absolutely love Court of Nightmares and Heart!! But all of their other works are absolutely amazing, please go check them out!!

Sorry if this got kind of repetitive, all of them are just so amazing!! Please go follow and check out all of their stuff, you will not regret it!

I hope all of you are having a great day/night!!

[zanesgirlfriend]

Roses | Natalie Mariduena

Description: The reader agrees to go on a blind date with Natalie.

Requested?: yes by anonymous : could you do a natalie x reader where the reader is one of the vlog squads siblings and the squad tries to set the two of them up

A/N: i hope u don’t mind that she’s zanes sister lmao but ive been looking forward to writing this since i first read your request so i hope i did it justice!!

also i will definitely do a part two to this if yall want just let me know!!

_____

"Zane, I'm tired of being single." She plopped down on his couch. "You know all these L.A. people, set me up with one!"

"Boy or girl?" He asked as he sat next to her.

"Girl for sure, I don't trust all these L.A. boys." She chuckled and scrolled through her phone.

"I got you, give me a week." He smiled and started to text some people.

"Thank you for letting me move in, by the way. I'm going apartment hunting tomorrow, so I'll be out of your receding hairline before you know it." She teased her brother as she looked through listings.

“Ha, ha, real funny.” He teased back. “I won’t even get you an LA girl, I’m gonna get you a Chicago baby that I know.”

Are you single and ready to mingle? 

Natalie laughed as she read the text from Zane on her phone.

As long as I’m not mingling with you!

He chuckled to himself as he read her response.

I have a very pretty girl for youuuuu, you free Friday night?

She suddenly became very interested. She’d messed around with girls in the past, but she’d never been on a date with one.

David needs me Friday night, but what about Thursday?

“Y/n, I didn’t need a week, you have a date on Thursday!” He sang to her and she sat up.

“Really? That fast?” She started to question his judgement. “Zane, am I gonna regret this?”

“No. She’s sweet and quiet and nice. So basically the opposite of you.” He laughed. She chucked a pillow at him.

“Oh, shut up!”

On Thursday afternoon y/n started to panic. Who was this girl? Did she really want to date one of Zane’s friends? What if it’s really awkward? She got ready despite her thoughts, wanting to impress her mystery date.

Natalie was panicking too, running around the house like a mad woman.

“Natalie, can you-” David asked, but she interrupted him.

“David, I’m off today, and I have to get ready, please leave me alone.” She hollered at him as she ran back into her room.

“I was gonna ask you to hand me my camera, but okay.” He called after her as he stood up to get his camera.

“I’m sorry, I’m just nervous.” She ran back out into the living room. “Where are my glasses?” She scanned the room. He looked at her and laughed.

“Nat, they’re on your face.” He couldn’t believe how scatterbrained she was. “Who are you going on a date with anyway?” 

“I don’t know. Zane set me up, so it should be interesting.” She took a second to breathe and leaned against the wall.

“Zane set you up? Do you know the guys he’s friends with?” David raised his eyebrows at his best friend, astounded that she even agreed to go on a date with one of Zane’s friends.

“Yes, but the date is with a girl, which is why I agreed to it.” She corrected him and went back to her room. David sat there, confused by his best friend.

She put on a nice crop top and a leather skirt before straightening her hair and finishing her makeup. She felt every nerve in her body light up during the drive to the restaurant. As she pulled into the restaurant she checked the time. She was early. She walked inside and felt her chest get tight.

“Umm, table for two, under Hijazi?” She asked the hostess, who lead her to a table in the corner of the restaurant. She sat on her phone and attempted to appear unbothered as she waited for her date.

Y/n cursed at herself for being five minutes late, but she thought the flowers would be a nice touch. She checked the name of the fancy restaurant to make sure she was in the right spot before walking inside. The hostess pointed her to the table and then she saw her.

The most beautiful girl she had ever seen. Natalie hadn’t noticed her yet, so she stood and took in the sight of her. She made her way over to the table, three red roses in hand.

“Hi, I’m y/n.”

“Hey, I���m Natalie.”

[tournesolia]

Chaos Lineage Azusa Chapter 10 Translation

Place : Orange mansion, living room

Shin : Kanato ! Where did you go without permission yesterday ?

Kanato : What is this ? Where I went is none of your business

Shin : Tch, you're as cheeky as ever

You know this is a critical time now that Eve woke up, don't you ? I don't think acting on your own is allowed here

Kanato : I have nothing to do with this. Please don't pick a fight with me

Shin : Haaa ? You think you can talk down to your brother ?

Ruki : What's with all this noise ?

Shin : Big brother ! Sorry. Kanato is just acting on his own so I was persuading him to stop

Ayato : It's not new that guy lacks cooperation

Kanato : Hmph. First of all, why do I have to live with such people ?

Not only with a complete stranger but with a founder as well... Ayato, please do something

Ayato : Haa ? What are you talking about ? You're noisy as always

Ruki : …

Shin : Big brother ? What's wrong ?

Ruki : Nothing...

*familiar coming

Shin : A familiar... ? Where did it come from ? It's holding something, isn't that a letter ?

Ruki : There's no need to be alert. I know this familiar

*Ruki takes the letter and reads it

Ruki : … I see

Ayato : Hey, Ruki. What's written on it ?

Ruki : Nothing significant... But we'll have visitors soon

Kanato : Visitors... ?

Scene change : Violet mansion -- Vacant room

Yui : I'm glad our strategy went well

Azusa : Yeah... It's the first time... Eve and Kanato-san remembered...

In the end, it may be different from usual, this time...

Yui : (Azusa-kun looks very happy. We're taking the right direction)

(Huh ? By the way...)

Hey, I wonder if... Kanato-kun also regained all his memories from the seven other times until now

Azusa : Ah... Well... Maybe...

Kanato-san... has always been carefree so I think every days sound the same to him...

He may not understand well that the battle repeated itself...

Yui : (I see. It's something Kanato-kun would say)

Um, I'm sorry. To tell you the truth, I don't remember everything

If I did, I should have recovered my memories from the seven other times until now...

I'll be able to get those memories back as soon as possible, so wait a little

Azusa : No... It's fine if you don't remember

Yui : Eh... ? Why ? I think it would be good for hereafter if I remember...

Azusa : You are... good

Yui : Azusa-kun... ?

(What does he mean by “You are good” ?)

*door knock

Laito : Eve, are you heeere ?

Yui : Ah... Laito-kun ? Errr, come in

*Laito enters

Laito : Ah, just as I thought, Azusa-kun's with you

Yui : (Just as he thought...?)

Azusa : What's your business ?

Laito : Hehe. Actually, I saw something interesting yesterday

Eve, Azusa-kun, and Subaru-kun went out in secret, right ?

Azusa : Eh... ?

Yui : … !

Laito : Besides, you were carrying a lot of things. Where did you go ? That's suspicious

Yui : W-Well...

(I can't believe he saw us ! I wish we payed more attention to the surroundings...)

(… No, now is not the time to regret. We have to mislead him so we don't look suspicious)

U-Um, yesterday...

Azusa : Errr... Well...

Laito : You two are panicking so much. You don't have to worry, I'll keep it a secret from Carla

Yui : Eh ? Why... ?

Laito : Why, you ask... ? Hehe. Because it would be such a boring thing to get in the way of someone during their moment of pleasure

So, what were you three doing ? If you tell me, I'll join in as well

Yui : Err...

Azusa : … ?

Laito : Come on, you know what I mean. You sneaked out with the so delicious Eve-chan, right ?

Being surrounded by two vampires and having your blood sucked... You're quite maniac

Yui : (Laito-kun ! He's terribly misunderstanding !)

That's wrong, I didn't have my blood sucked by these two !

We didn't go out for that !!

Laito : You're playing neat and clean again. It's fine, agressive girls aren't bad

It looks like you like having your blood sucked at one go...

Shall I call you “Little Bitch” ? ♪

Yui : (”Little Bitch”... Even though he lost his memories, he gives me the same nickname... As expected of Laito-kun)

Azusa : … Ah... I got it...

Laito : Hey, Little Bitch. Since we're here, how about me and Azusa-kun both suck--

Azusa : No... I can't give Eve to anyone else...

Yui : Azusa-kun... !

Laito : Eeeeh ? Even not a little bit ? I'm curious about how Eve's blood tastes like

Azusa : No...

Laito : My big brother's stingy ~ And I hoped I would get a small share...

Yui : (It doesn't look like Laito-kun will give up easily. What should I do...?)

Laito : Then, I'll give up on using my fangs. Instead--

Can I at least watch Little Bitch having her blood sucked ?

Yui : Eh !? W-What are you saying !? That's not...

Azusa : … Alright. If it'll make you retreat...

Yui : Azusa-kun !?

Azusa : I won't let you have anemia. So it will be alright..

Yui : (It's not alright at all !)

Choice 1 : Resist (black roses)

Yui : It's still embarrassing in front of Laito-kun watching !

Azusa : But... If we don't, Laito will never give up

Laito : That's right that's right ♪

Azusa : Do you... want Laito to suck your blood... ?

Yui : Don't say that. I don't want to have my blood sucked by... anyone other than you...

Azusa : Hehe, I'm glad...

Yui : (It's embarrassing, but... It seems Laito-kun will retreat if Azusa-kun does that...)

… Alright. You can suck my blood here

Choice 2 : Accept (white roses)

Yui : (But if I don't accept, it doesn’t seem like he will ever give up...)

Azusa-kun, you know... Errr...

Azusa : Don't worry. I'll be gentle... okay ? Leave everything... to me

Yui : O-Okay...

– End of choices

Azusa : Eve...

*Azusa hugs Yui

Yui : (Ah, he's hugging me from behind. He's going to suck my blood in this state...)

Azusa : Laito, look closely... *sucks blood

Yui : Ah...

(He's biting the nape...!)

Azusa : *sucks blood

Yui : (Even though Laito-kun is here watching, I'm about to be carried away by pleasure...!)

Azusa : No. Even if Laito's here... don't be distracted from me

Yui : Ah... O-Okay...

(But I'm still worried about his gaze)

(I can't help but feel guilty despite what Azusa-kun said previously...)

Azusa : Ah... Are you happy, by any chance ?

Yui : Eh ?

Azusa : Your sweet smell became stronger. Hehe, if you're delighted, then... I'm happy as well

Yui : Eh ? T-That's... !

(Does that mean I'm delighted to be seen...!?)

Azusa : *sucks blood

Yui : Hmm... Ah... !

(No way, this sweet numbness is stronger than usual...)

Azusa : Hehe, you're cute...

Yui : (Ugh, why should I feel so embarrassed ?)

Laito : Haaa... Little Bitch is letting out such a sweet voice

Be-si-des, these red cheeks and moist eyes are irresistible...

Yui : (He's watching with a very enraptured expression...!?)

(Why this sort of thing doesn't change even though he lost his memories !?)

Azusa: Laito, are you satisfied with this... ?

Laito : That was very good. It made me excited

And even this sweet smell got thicker...

Hehe. I still want her blood, after all ♪

Hey, Little Bitch. Don't you want me to suck your blood as well ?

Yui : Eh !?

Laito : After all, having your blood sucked by two vampires at the same time would make you feel better

Yui : (And I tried hard to endure this embarrassing feeling...!)

Laito : Hey, you want to try it, do you ? Little Bitch ♪

Azusa : No... I can't give you Eve...

Yui : (Ah... Azusa-kun...)

Laito : Even not just a little ?

Azusa : No means no... No matter how many times you ask, I can't give you Eve...

Laito : Tooo bad. For you to love Little Bitch that much... She must be happy as well

Well, I was able to see a lot of interesting expressions so I'm going to leave

Yui : (T-Thank godness...)

Laito : However, you haven't forgotten, right ?

Azusa : What... ?

Laito : That you will have to hand Eve over to Carla, who will become the supreme ruler, no matter the case

Azusa : Ah, that's...

Laito : Ayato and Kanato came in this mansion before, the Scarlets are again showing disquieting moves as well

With the situation in mind, don't you think the usually patient Carla will start to rush things ?

Azusa : But... Carla told me that Eve's blood isn't ripe yet

Laito : Even so, shouldn't he attempt something immediately ?

… Joooking

Well then, I'm satisfied so I'll take my leave. Bye byyyye

*Laito leaves

Yui : Ah, he stormed out...

(But... What Laito says must be true)

(Up until now, they were just being cautious towards the other houses, but everyone in this mansion supports Carla-san)

(Carla-san might even ask to keep me close to him tomorrow...)

Azusa : Yui-san, it's okay...

There's me, you... and Kanato-san

You aren't alone, so it'll be alright...

Yui : Indeed...

(At least, everything is going well so far. At this rate, we may be able to stop the fight)

(If we do so, we'll surely find out why such a situation happened)

(But... Why do I feel so uneasy about it ?)

Chapter 10 : End

[girls-scenarios]

Ignorance Isn’t Bliss

Prompt:  Hi, can I request a friends with benefits angsty scenario with Blackpink's Jennie and fem reader. You can add smut if you want. Thank you💙💙💙

Writer: Admin Lee

A/N: I ended up leaving out the smut :( and also made this very sad! There’s some cursing and implied adult content, but other than that it’s just angsty. Jennie might be a little OOC towards the end (and the ending was a little rushed) but it’s just to fit the prompt better. Hope you like it!

It was cold in her room, despite the events that had just transpired. Jennie had gone to shower, leaving you alone in the dark space, lit only by a dim lamp on her nightstand. You felt a little gross after the fact, both from the sweat drying on your body as you sat on the edge of the bed, and from the nagging feeling you had in the pit of your stomach; the one that made you feel like this whole thing was a mistake.

Wrapped deeply in your thoughts, you didn’t hear the door open, and didn’t register Jennie coming into the room wrapped in a towel.

“(Y/N)?” She called to you, but her voice was muffled.

She touched your shoulder gently, effectively snapping you out of the stupor you were in.

“Oh, sorry, I’m just tired.. what time is it?” It was a half-lie and a distracting inquiry, meant to placate and avoid the truth of your unease.

“It’s almost 1 a.m.” She replied, turning from you grab some pajamas from her closet. “Are you going to shower?”

You got up, catching the used towel that Jennie threw your way and wrapping yourself in the slightly damp cloth.

“Yeah, I guess I will.”

-

The shower was warm, physically comforting you as the water washed over your skin. You feebly attempted to scrub the guilt away, rubbing until your skin was red, but to no avail. Everything stayed, stuck to you like glue; the most recent events, as well as the ones of days past. You didn’t want to realize that she was using you, didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that this situation wasn’t something good anymore. Really, you tried to hold out for her. You were friends - are friends. Couldn’t you talk to her? Maybe rethink the whole “benefit” addition to your friendship? You sigh, running your hands through your hair. This was a lot of heavy thinking for what, ten minutes? You should get out of the shower, you think. So you do, and you’re back in Jennie’s room within a couple of minutes.

“Hey,” you greet softly, not wanting to startle the girl, who was now reading in her bed. “Sorry I took so long.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it. Feel better?”

You frown, which goes unseen by her.

“Yeah.” You tell her, but it’s a lie.

-

You’re up before anyone else in the morning, and work on extricating yourself from Jennie’s bed, careful not to wake her. Thankfully, she was a heavy sleeper. You then pad into the bathroom to brush your teeth and look a little more presentable before you ultimately leave to go back to your small apartment. When looking at your reflection in the mirror, you noticed there were bags under your eyes; unsurprising to you, because you had ended up not being able to sleep at all that night. Whether it was the overthinking or the extremely close proximity to the girl that was causing the overthinking, you couldn’t be sure. But, one thing could be said: you were dead tired. A nap would definitely be in order when you finally got home.

Upon finishing in the bathroom, you complete gathering your things before slipping out, still unnoticed by the 4 members of the household you were in.

-

At home, you distracted yourself until it was nearly noon. You decide to make lunch, hoping a warm meal will make you feel at least a little better. Though after eating, you found that the festering feeling of guilt in the pit of your stomach isn’t sated by something so simple. You rush to your bathroom, that feeling now making you sick. And now when you look at yourself in the mirror, you notice the ugly bruises that mar your skin; becoming more visible from where she was a little too rough with you last night.

But if all of this was something you agreed to, why now did you regret it so much? Whatever. It happened, it’s over. For the moment, at least.

You needed a nap, you remember.

-

When you wake up it’s 8:00 p.m. You check your phone; there’s 3 missed calls and 6 texts from her.

           1:30 p.m.

Jennie: (Y/N) where did u go??

Jennie: did you just leave?

Jennie: u didn’t even say goodbye :(

          4:23 p.m.

Jennie: is smthn wrong?

          5:10 p.m.

Jennie: (Y/N) pls answer my calls

Jennie: im worried.

It’d be decent of you to let her know you’re alright, so you give her a call back. The line on the other end rings for a few seconds before it’s answered.

“(Y/N)? God, I was really worried.. Why’d you leave without letting me know?”

“I’m sorry. I had some work at home I needed to take care of. I would have woken you up, but we were both up late and you looked like you needed some sleep.”

“Oh,” She replied, calmer now. “Well, I’m glad you got home safe,” Jennie hesitated, seemingly about to say something else. An awkward silence loomed over the two of you, the only sound being made by the soft static of the phone. “Um, the members and I were going to go out to dinner.. Did you have any plans?” Jennie asked with a nervous lilt to her voice.

You weigh your options for a moment, should you go, or stay? Going would mean pushing down those ugly feelings once again, denying yourself the solace of a silent evening in your own home; a safe space free of anything that reminded you of her. Staying would mean you could try to forget.

“I can’t.. I’m really sorry,”

Sorry. You were always sorry. “Maybe some other time? I just really have some stuff I have to finish before the week is out.”

“Oh, uh, yeah of course!” You hear. It’s a weak attempt at sounding positive even though you know she’s disappointed. “I hope you finish everything you need to.”

“Thank you, have fun at dinner.” You reply, saying your goodbyes and hanging up the phone.

The rest of the night is spent in your bed. You’re not able to sleep thanks to the nap you took, so you watch a movie, play on your phone, pretty much whatever to keep you distracted from the stuff that’s really bothering you. But eventually, you’re bored and you end up staring at the ceiling, thinking once more about everything.

I didn’t expect it to bother me this much, but here we are.

I still like Jennie, I think. Maybe just as friends. I want to be friends with her.

I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much. The bruises are sore and the marks are still there.

There’s no way I can actually talk to her about it though. She’d be disappointed. I can’t disappoint her.

These thoughts are all scrambled as they switch places in the forefront of your mind; they stress you out, make you feel sick again, but you just lay there and deal with it.

-

You wake up once again with barely any restful sleep. Following your normal routine, you get ready, eat, check your phone, etc. It’s a pretty mundane day so far, nothing’s particularly bothering you (you know that’s not necessarily true, but in the moment, you’re fine).

Until you hear a knock at your door.

Your heart drops when you realize it could only be one person: Jennie. Getting up from the couch, you walk to the door and open it, finding her just behind it.

“Hey.”

“Hey, uh, come in.”

You step aside and gesture for her to come inside, closing the door behind her.

“I know something’s been going on with you. You’re usually not so distant,” She paused, looking down. “Was it because of what happened two days ago? I thought we both felt the same way about it.”

You sit back down on the couch after following her to your living room.

“Jennie. I’m bad at this kind of stuff, you know. I just didn’t really know how to act. I didn’t think you’d come over..”

“Why wouldn’t I? I was worried.”

“This isn’t working out anymore.” You tell her, rushing your words and starting to feel clammy because it hurts you to say the words you’ve been holding in for so long.

She looks at you, shocked. You could only imagine what must be running through her head right now.

“I don’t know what you mean.. what isn’t?” Jennie asks, her voice unusually timid and small.

And now for the waterworks. Everything had just been building up before now, and you couldn’t hold back. You felt tears prick at the corner of your eyes, and seconds later they were streaming down your cheeks.

“I just - everything that’s happened lately has been.. a lot. I think we moved a little too fast and at first I was okay - I was fine with everything. I don’t know what changed but… are you using me Jennie?”

It was really just word-vomit at this point. And who could blame you? You were running on nerves for the most part, and on the verge of really breaking down.

Her jaw dropped.

“Are you fucking serious? How could you think - No, of course I’m not!”

You flinched when she rose her voice. God, that must have looked pathetic.

“I’m sorry. I just thought - I don’t know what I thought.”

“Yeah, it’s apparent,” Jennie bit back, tone laced with hostility. “You know what? I’m done. Talk to me when you’re not being so fucking difficult, (Y/N).”

She turned on her heels and walked out the door, leaving you with no time to react or reply in any way. It hurt a lot, to say the least. However, it’s not surprising. Jennie was using you, you were sure, so matter what she told you moments ago. You sighed, now being left with nothing but a broken spirit and aching body. What were you supposed to do now? Jennie was gone. You didn’t particularly want her to return, but it was more than a little upsetting to see your friend of nearly 2 years leave you like that.

Some things just happen though, and you’ve come to discover now that ignorance isn’t bliss.

[chimcharstar]

ALL THE COLOURS

HERE WE GO BOYS

zinc white; how are you really feeling today? no one-word answers please!

I’m feeling tired because I’m supposed to be in bed. But happy because I did the work and I can get away with sleeping in and things are just chill right now. I have devised a way of sneaking waste food at work. If you put it in these little metal containers and hide them under the fridge, nobody notices them and throws them away. This eve I dined on garlic bread and prawns.

cadmium yellow; when you think of the word “happy” what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

Walking with coffee and tunes. I’m trying to appreciate things in my life I will feel nostalgic about later in the moment, so I don’t regret anything. This is one of those things. Although I might not have the tunes part for long because I fucking broke my headphones and they may or may not start playing my music out loud for all the world to hear. I hope people like disco!

lemon; what’s your comfort food?

Food from my old workplace. I have trouble finishing food usually but not this stuff. I will probably scream while eating it. You know this and you love me

hansa yellow; what’s your guilty pleasure song?

“I Will Survive”. People were singing it in the Office and I guess it’s so famous and ironic and cringey now or something. But then I remember that one fucker

yellow ochre; name an artist/band whom you just discovered & can’t get enough of!

Herbie Hancock. I don’t know if I’ll listen to every single thing from him but I was just listening to some funk as you do and his like solos? I was vibing. We were having brain to brain communication. It was an experience. It was so so good. It was good fucking music. Listen to this shit. Herbie Hancock - I Thought It Was You This stuff makes me want to wiggle on public transit. 

naples yellow; where do you feel most at home?

Bonsais and my quiet neat fucking room. Or not giving a fuck in other people’s mess.

raw sienna; with whom do you feel most at home?

YOU HO

golden ochre; describe the relationship you have with your closest friend.

We reblog asks and send each other all the asks. ADHD disaster energy finding balance. The worst posts I’ve ever seen followed by revenge. Two gay best friends who are best friends. No seriously I am so grateful for your unconditional love and your warmth

golden deep; what’s your favorite season?

Autumn. When the leaves were falling and the sun was shining all bittersweetly I was running around taking so many pictures because there’s like this golden time and then it’s gone.

cadmium orange; what do you like to do on your days off?

I like to buy too many plants and pretty rocks that are just vibing. I just like to wander around with coffee without a schedule. Listening to funk and disco. Seriously I’m the coolest person ever

orange lake; do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad?

U HO. And some online mutuals of course :) I feel like I don’t turn to people when it’s real sad hours though. I just give my ocs more PTSD.

titans; do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings?

Relaxed evenings. Fuck mornings. All my mornings are slow buddy. 

shakhnazaryan red; are you currently binge-watching anything?

No, because I had to go and cancel my Netflix as all my favourite things got more episodes. 

red ochre; are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)?

Oh right brained bitch.

burnt sienna; is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it?

No, paintings are stressful. It’s always like “Holy shit, that must have been so much work! I don’t enjoy painting myself! This person is better at painting than me!” I have much love in the heart for Van Gogh.

english red; what animal do you relate to most?

I know what you’re trying to do and it’s not going to work. I could say a cat, because I want to lie down in a patch of sun, knock things over, and complain loudly. I would say a dog because I think people are way better than they really are, am tenaciously loyal to them, and get excited about going for a walk.

vermilion; what’s your favorite accent?

Whatever this one hot guy at work has.

cadmium red; do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other?

FOR FUCKS SAKE okay I’m going to google what my type is

You got: Mr./ Mrs Perfect

You like someone that truly has is all. You need someone who is well rounded in all aspects of life. When it comes to looks and personality, only perfection receives your affection.

Wow, what does that mean at all

scarlet; describe your current crush/es.

Ok, one of them gave me cheesecake, one of them offered me pizza, another one is the guy whose Facebook you stalked for me and we still couldn’t find his birthday but I laugh about one adorable photo still (the car one), and one of them I spent half an hour trying to find where I put the birth chart of and we’re actually really compatible. I’m sorry, if you want more information I’ll have to ramble about it in your messages.

ruby; what does your ideal first date look like?

OH I JUST WANT TO WALK DOWN A STREET HOLDING HANDS AND GO TO A RESTAURANT WEVE NEVER BEEN TO BEFORE AND TRY SOME FOOD AND LAUGH A LOT, AND THEN MAYBE GO ENJOY THE VIEW OF THE OCEAN AT NIGHT. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? IS IT?

carmine; what does your ideal second date look like?

I don’t know, fuck it let’s go to the aquarium!

madder lake red; would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date?

I dunno man. I feel like I wouldn’t if it wasn’t socially acceptable but I’m also wild and crazy.

rose; what’s something really positive going on in your life right now?

I REALLY ACTUALLY LIKE MY WORKPLACE. And my living situation is pretty okay. It’s not great I guess but I’ve been coming a long way.

quinacridone rose; what’s something you’re really looking forward to?

Literally what are these colours. Okay, I’m looking forward to putting wires around crystals to make them into jewellery. Then, I want to give the jewellery to my friends. 

violet rose; what does your dream house look like?

An old as fuck, old fashioned as fuck haunted-looking mansion I can give some love.

violet; is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down?

I need the outdoors bro. I need those trees. I gotta live in the countryside again someday.

blue lake; what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down?

Write some books! Run rampant in the city…

cobalt blue spectral; what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to?

I think it would have to be the hills where I grew up. It was bursting with biodiversity, there was a rustic sheep farm, everyone shut the fuck up, there would be frogs, the smell of the fresh air in any season, some days would just be heart-stoppingly beautiful and I ache for it sometimes. Birdsong? I heard some birdsong today and I wanted to cry. I remember our hedges would be deafening with the birds in it.

ultramarine; when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it?

Today, it finding something I maybe could sit around and read and then finding it in me to actually get out of bed lol.

blue; what’s the most recent dream you remember?

The one I just had. A lot of it is blurry, which is frustrating because I got some strong almost-memories of it throughout the day, but it sticks out to me because I was bawling my eyes out a lot in the dream, and I also hurt myself the way I used to and I had to check that I hadn’t done it in my sleep. But I think it was a very expressive dream and those are my natural emotions.

bright blue; what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? 

I like the idea of a husband and some dogs, cats and chickens. Kids maybe.

how many of each?

A lot of chickens, but not too many please.

blue cobalt; do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could?

I do like my name, and I did give myself a different name. Even if I knew how annoying everyone would be about pop culture Gordons, and I did. I still would choose this name.

prussian azure; what’s your favorite scent?

I’m running out of things to say as my favourite scent. OK, Nomad from Old Spice. I don’t know why, I think it must suit me or something. Maybe it’s the citrus… stuff going on there.

azure blue; what’s your favorite type of tea, if any?

Red Rose, my mom made it for me as a kid and she drank it all the time while teaching me piano or reading books.

turquoise blue; if you could start a garden, what would you plant?

Flowers, to show off to everyone, and then I don’t know, maybe some fucking pumpkins and easy things like corn and peas.

cerulean blue; if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog?

I think I’d be happier to have one if I knew no one was watching my antics LMAO

glauconite; describe your body without using any negative adjectives.

Best of both worlds

yellow green; picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario?

I’m still thinking of where I grew up. I see the sun through the branches of very old maple trees, and hear the wind in the long grass.

green light; are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better?

Yes, but I could make it better by moving in with cleaner roommates and getting a cat. And maybe work at something I’m actually interested in, or go to school or something.

green; name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them?

I don’t have plans, but I’d like to visit Mexico, France, or Japan.

emerald green; do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn?

Kinda French. I want to learn Spanish… now Portuguese because everyone at work speaks it… literally, any very popular language. I want to learn so many languages

oxide of chromium; what’s your favorite book?

BRO WHAT IS A BOOK

olive green; are you currently reading anything? how do you like it so far?

Yeah, I’m reading a personal account of a Satanic cult. I had to stop reading it because I wasn’t ready for the graphic details.

mars brown; what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh?

Megamind/Thor Ragnarok

burnt umber; what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself?

Wow I feel really called out right now. I was going to eat some chicken because I’m hungry. Because that’s what I should be doing at 3AM.

umber; have you drank enough water today?

Yes, but probably not. I’ve been trying really hard today though.

voronezhskaya black; what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent?

Probably you again, welcome to the salt mines!

sepia; name five things that always make you happy.

Buying a plant, rolling around on my fuzzy blanket, videos of cats being idiots, little unexpected thoughtful gifts, people sharing food.

indigo; what’s the best/sweetest compliment you have ever received?

A Treasured Mutual once spontaneously said I was a really good person because I was chill and they felt free to be themselves, to be vague.

payne’s gray; describe your aesthetic?

Looking around my room, it would seem to be whatever those studying people organizing notes with the window open on a sunny day have. I don’t know if this is me, but my room looks… vaguely feminine and organized in that way.

black; post a selfie because you are so beautiful!

I’m in my PYJAMA CLOTHES. I only want to take a selfie with GOOD NATURAL LIGHTING and the DAYTIME DARK CIRCLES around my eyes not the NIGHTTIME DARK CIRCLES. Maybe I have one hanging around

[a-r-t-h-u-r-m-o-r-g-a-n]

Roses Bloom (A/U) Part One

Warnings: Language, Angsty

Main Characters: Arthur Morgan, Rose Morgan

Synopsis: Arthur gets a letter from Mary, asking him to meet her just outside of Valentine. The letter reads she has to tell him something, and it’s of the utmost importance.

Notes: I only have access to mobile, excuse formatting grossness. Also, if you have anything you’d like to see in part two, please let me know! I’m working on it now, and ideas are always welcome!

{gif credit - ashagreyjcys}

———————————

Arthur folded the letter, his hand running over the scruff on his chin. He hadn’t heard a word from Mary in, god he didn’t even know how long. Now she was here. Only an hours ride from where he was, and she had news? He debated just not going to see her, but he was weak when it came to Mary, despite how they ended.

He cleaned himself up a bit, trimming his beard, stopping for a bath in Valentine, and rode to the house she had spoken of. He couldn’t help the feeling in his chest, the thought of seeing her again, he didn’t know if he was terrified or excited. Probably terrified. He wasn’t even concerned with the news, he just wanted to get this over with.

The walk to the porch felt like an eternity. He should just go, just turn around and forget she ever reached out to him. But before he knew it, he was knocking on the door and asking for her.

When she stepped out, he felt the air leave his lungs. She’d gotten older, hell it had been nearly twenty years, but damnit all she’d gotten more beautiful. “Arthur, you came.”

“‘Course.” He said lowly, nodding his head to her. “Where’s uh, Mr. Linton?”

“He’s, gone. Died.”

“Oh, I am sorry to hear that.” He said honestly, noting the sadness in her eye. What could he say after that? How are things? That wouldn’t be appropriate.

“Me too, me too.” Mary said, looking away before turning back to him. “Happened awhile ago now, pneumonia.”

“Bad business.”

“Sure.” Mary agreed, pausing as she looked at him.

Arthur cleared his throat, holding his hat in his hands as he shook his head, thoughts entering his heart that he didn’t want there. “So you’ve been made a widow and now you’re comin’ to see me? Is that it?”

“No, no not at all Arthur it isn’t like that it’s-“ Her eyes met his again, and he swore his knees were going to give out on him. He hated that she made him feel this way, after all these years. Hell, they were only kids when they met and fell in love. And she broke his heart. First love rings true.

“What is it, Mary?” Arthur asked, his heart in his throat and the increasingly nervous look in Mary’s eyes. She moved over to the railing on the porch, her hands bracing there as she stared out across the way. She took in a shaking breath.

“Oh, Arthur. I should have written to you years ago, I should have told you. I’m sorry.”

Arthur immediately felt guarded. He placed his hat back on his head as he moved to stand beside her. “Sorry about what, Mary?” Her eyes found his, and he could see her lips moving slightly, as if she was trying to find the words to start, and that scared him more than seeing her had.

“I just want to say again, I am so sorry for never telling you, I know it was wrong, I made a mistake. And I-“

“Mary.” Arthur’s voice was impossibly low. His eyes bore into Mary’s, unwavering as she swallowed.

“You have a daughter.”

Arthur felt his world stop. His mouth hung open slightly, his eyes wide, and his heart pressing against his chest. He had a what? With Mary? A daughter? His mind flashed back to Eliza and Isaac, and he felt his throat tighten as he turned his back to Mary. This wasn’t possible. Right? It couldn’t be possible. It didn’t make any sense. When had he last been with her? It would have been almost eighteen years ago. His daughter was nearly grown.

Several emotions went through him, fear, sorrow, regret, and finally he rested on anger. He spun around, his eyes cold, his voice low, almost coming out a whisper, “Is this true? How do you know she ain’t what’s his name’s.”

Mary took a step back, surprised by his anger, “It’s true, and no, she couldn’t be Barry’s. I was pregnant with her when he and I got married. He’s the only one who knew my secret.”

Arthur braced his hands on the railing, gripping the wood so tightly he could feel small splinters entering his finger tips. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why are you tellin’ me now?”

“Several months ago she found the letter I wrote you after Barry died, she was furious. I never meant for her to find out that way, I always meant to tell her-“

“Like you always meant to tell me?” Arthur snapped his eyes to her, and tears began falling down her cheeks.

“I did Arthur, I did, but it had gone on for so long I knew you’d react this way.”

“Well how would you like me to react, Mary?”

“I don’t know Arthur, I just know I’m sorry, I wish-“

“Why are you tellin’ me, Mary? Why now?”

“Because she’s gone off to find you. She hasn’t been back since yesterday morning and I’m worried about her.”

Arthur wanted to say so much more, he wanted to just walk away, he wanted to ask her why she was his responsibility now, after seventeen years, but it wasn’t in him. Not if she really was his kid. Arthur sighed, and pushed himself off the railing, bringing his hand to the back of his neck before asking, “Do you know which way she was heading?”

“East, that’s all I know. She stole a horse and took off heading east.”

Arthur looked into the distance, his brow creasing with all the new information he’d been given. “What’s her name?”

“Rose. Her name is Rose Morgan Linton.”

Arthur felt his throat tighten even more. Rose Morgan. Hearing the name quieted his mind and heart, and before he knew it he was asking, “What’s she like?” He turned his eyes back to Mary.

A smile formed on her lips as she spoke, “Fiery. Fiercely independent. Adventurous. Smart. She has your hair color and your eyes. She’s amazing.”

Looking at Mary as she described his daughter, he knew he would never be able to forgive her for this. Ever. “I’ll find her.”

“Oh Arthur, thank you. I-“

“I ain’t doin’ this for you.” He said quickly, needing her to understand. “I’m doin’ this for her.” And with that, he turned from her and headed to his horse. He mounted up and took off, heading east, hoping she’d stick to the roads, otherwise it would be a lot of land to cover.

Would he even know her when he saw her? She was looking for him, but would she even accept him as her father? He shouldn’t tell her, right? He wasn’t a father, he’d never been a father. There had been Isaac, but he was hardly around for that. Every few months hadn’t been enough, and he’d missed seventeen years with Rose, and after he took her back to Mary, that would be it, because he never wanted to look Mary in the eye again. He just needed to make sure his daughter was safe. That’s all this had to be.

———————————

After about half a day of riding, he noticed in the distance someone walking alongside the road. He slowed down and moved over slightly out of courtesy, and as he got closer he noticed it was a young woman with dirty blonde hair. She turned, and he instantly knew this was Rose. She raised her hand, “Excuse me, mister! Can I get a ride?” Arthur slowed his horse, looking down at her. She tilted her hat up to see him clearer. “My horse was bit by a snake last night, he didn’t make it. I’m on foot from here to the next town, think you could help me out?”

Arthur was at a loss for words as he looked into her eyes, so much like his own. She was so beautiful. She got that from her mother of course. Not from him. He had no idea what to do now that he found her, what did he say? What did he want to say? What should he say? “Mister? You alright?”

“Yeah. Sure. I’m alright. Sorry, heat got to me for a second there. Sure, I’ll give you a ride. You headin’ east?” He extended his hand for her to take, so he could help her onto the back of his horse.

She took his hand as she exclaimed, “Yes! Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.” He lifted her up, and she situated herself behind him, wearing pants so it made it easy for her.

“It’s not trouble, sorry ‘bout your horse.”

“Thanks, he wasn’t mine, borrowed him, but I appreciate it nonetheless.”

“What’s got you headed east?”

“I’m lookin’ for someone, overheard he was east of Valentine.”

“That so? Who are ya lookin’ for?”

Rose paused, no doubt debating how much she wanted to tell a stranger. “Someone important to me.” Arthur felt his chest constrict. He should say something. He knew he should. But how? How could he possibly find the words? It was then he realized he would be doing what Mary had done to the both of them for years.

He gently pulled his horse to a stop, and before Rose could protest, he asked, “Are you Mary’s daughter?”

“How did you- did she send you for me? You’re a deputy aren’t you. I gotta get off this horse-“

“Now hang on a minute-“ But she had already slid off and was moving away quickly. “Wait!” He called after her as he got off as well and followed her.

“I’m not going back! She lied to me! For years she lied to me! I am not going back with you!”

“Lets just talk about this, Rose! Give me five minutes, please, we can keep walkin’ if that makes you feel better.” She spun around to face him, her arms crossing over her chest and there was a fire in her eyes that shone bright.

“You are wasting your time, there is nothing you could say or do that would make me go back to her. At least not until I find who I’m looking for.”

Arthur raised his hands. “I know. It’s alright, I ain’t gonna force you to go back, alright?”

“Why do you even care? You’re not apart of this, just let me go and tell her you couldn’t find me.”

“I care because I’m an old friend of your mothers, and she asked me to find you. She told me everything, and I understand why you ran, I do.”

“No you don’t, you couldn’t possibly understand what it feels like to be lied to your whole life, to spend your years wondering why the man who you thought was your father, was always hesitant to love you, you couldn’t possibly understand.”

“But I do.” Arthur spoke low, his voice sincere, his eyes never leaving his daughter’s.

“How? How could you possibly understand?”

“Because my name is Arthur Morgan.”

He watched as her face turned from anger to shock. Her eyes grew wide as she stared at him, and his heart hammered against his chest. She didn’t take her eyes off of him, her arms dropped from her chest slowly. She took a hesitant step forward, and then another, and then she stopped. “You’re...”

Arthur nodded. “Please, believe me that I had no idea-“

“No, I know. I found the letter she wrote but never sent.” Rose’s eyes watered as she looked at him. “I never felt like I belonged. And I didn’t know why. The way he would look at me growing up, sometimes it was like he didn’t even want me, and I never knew why.”

Arthur didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know what to do. “I’m sorry.” His words escaped before he’d even thought about them, but he meant them.

“Me too.” She said softly, and before Arthur could react, she’d closed the distance between them, and her arms went around his torso.

He stumbled back a step as she collided against him, and after another few moments, he wrapped his arms around her too, resting his cheek on the top of her hat. He felt his chest well with emotion, and his eyes with tears. He had to swallow them back as he pulled away to look down at her. “If I had known... I woulda tried to have been there.”

“But you’re here now.” His daughter spoke, wiping her eyes as she took a step back. “You’re here now and that’s what matters.”

She didn’t know the life he led, she didn’t understand she couldn’t stay with him. This was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever have to do. “Rose-“

“Don’t. Don’t use that tone, I know that tone. You’re just going to tell me I need to go back to her. And I’m going to keep telling you I won’t. I refuse. I can’t forgive her, I can’t.”

“I know, but-“

“There isn’t a but! She kept you from me, kept me from you, lied about it for years, if I hadn’t found that letter, we wouldn’t be standing here right now! Can you forgive her?”

“No.” Arthur spoke quicker than intended, shaking his head. “I can’t.”

“Then why don’t you understand?” Her voice had gone from strong, to shaking, and Arthur felt his heart tug in his chest.

“I do understand. I do. But Rose, my life, it’s dangerous. It’s traveling from one place to the next, it’s not the right kind of life for me to be around for you. I couldn’t promise I’d be there, I couldn’t promise anything, and I can’t put you through that.”

“Then let me come with you! I’ll stay with you!”

“Rose, it’s dangerous.” He repeated, “My life-“

“You’re an outlaw, I know. My grandfather always brought you up when he had too much to drink, which was often. You’re a thief, an outlaw, a killer, I already know, and I don’t care. Because in my mind, lying is worse. And you’re not lying to me.”

Arthur ran his hand over his mouth in frustration before continuing, “Listen to me, Rose. You don’t want this life-“

“You can’t fucking tell me what I do or don’t want!” She was shouting now, “You don’t know me, because my mother kept that from happening! You can’t tell me that. Because what I want is a father. A family. I want you. You can’t make me go back to her. If you tell me no, I��ll run, if you force me to go back by tying me to your horse, I’ll run away again, and I’ll keep trying to find you. I won’t stop until I do. Because damnit I want to know my father! And I want him to know me!”

Arthur watched as tears flooded her eyes, but the look on her face told him she was doing everything she could not to let them fall. She was a stubborn as he was, and it brought the corner of his lips up a bit. “Alright.” That word caused her eyes to light up. “But you have to tell your ma.” The excitement in her face all but dissolved. “You gotta tell her goodbye, Rose. Ya can’t just vanish, she’ll send all kindsa trouble after ya, tryin’ to bring you back. I’ll go with you, and then you can come with me.” He could tell she wanted to say no, but eventually she nodded, he helped her onto his horse, and they were off.

The talk with Mary hadn’t gone particularly well, but Rose was insistent, and with Arthur promising to do everything he could to keep her safe, Mary finally relented. She held onto Rose for the longest time, begging her to write her constantly, and to always find her when they had the chance. Arthur felt like he was in an odd dreamscape. He had a daughter, and he was bringing her into his world. Perhaps he was being selfish in agreeing, perhaps he was letting his own heart get in the way of what was logical, what was right. But all he knew, was he wanted to get to know his daughter, and if this was the way it was meant to happen, then so be it.

[hyunarkarchive]

oh my stress;;

“'tis i, a writer, togetherslapper of words.” 

knowing that my own five year anniversary at rookies is in about two months makes me actually really emotional, and most of you know, i don’t really get emotional about stuff like this.

i’m here to talk about all the fucking shit storms i brought. starting from good ol’ ellyrk, who turned into yuriirk and currently known as hyunark, as well as, rkxwoozi, aka jihoonrk, fucking namtaerk, eunwoork, minhyunrk, younghyunrk 1.0, junhoerk aka younghyunrk 2.0. i am about 100% sure i’m missing someone BUT YOU KNOW, we can let that muse stay in dungeon vile. 

not even 10 minutes later 

oh yeah- minhork was it? minhxrk??? idk what his url was, shortlived lovely muse i tell you. jisungrk was a thing for like 6 months. however, as you can see, i have a lot of muses, 11 in total, well 8 if you remove younghyun 1.0 & 2.0 and jihoon.

its been nearly five years since i joined rookies and ive made a lot of memories here. good, bad, amazing, mediocre. a lot of memories than pretty much just range. can you believe i’ve actually cried a few times about rookies related thing? yeah, me neither, but here we are hahaha. i will probably not edit this at all, so if you see spelling mistakes, or maybe something is repeated, just ignore it please, its from the heart.

this place really helped me develop my writing, vocabulary and definitely social skills. i might suck at threading and replying on time, but i have to say, all the muns here are amazing!!! i remember when i first joined, oh boy was i fucking terrified of the fact that i SUCKED at writing. i was so cautious about what i write and how i spoke and i think some of you could remember it haha. i’ve also managed to make some amazing friends throughout my stay here, all of them older than me, as well haha and i was babied so much i always found it funny, but very thankful because some of the life lectures i got where definitely needed.

however, i will take a few minutes to write about the last three standing; hyunark, jihoonrk and younhhyunrk

hyunark: 

my first ever tumblr muse. my first rookies muse. my longest standing muse. she;s gone through a lot, and honestly, she will continue to do; i wasn’t all that good with her in the beginning, now i see a lot of gaps and weird stuff whenever i have to go read something to remind myself of events and so on. however, i really love her, and i’ve gotten a bit too attached to her haha. can you blame me tho? from ellyrk, to yuriirk, now hyunark, there have been alot of ups and downs but i am happy where she’s come. to being a potential walking scandal, to being in two survival shows, to being the first muse at rookies to not be offered a contract renewal, to another survival show, to a nova trainee after being cut short twice by hyunbin. she had gone through alot of character development and its shaped her a lot better than i ever could, for which i need to say my thanks to the mods of rookies for it, because without them, hyunark would probably be headed in a completely different direction haha. however, she still focuses on producing, writing lyrics and ever since she got into nova as a trainee, she’s focused on her dance as well because she doesn’t wanna be called an uncooked noodle anymore. her dream is to be a recognized producer and lyricist, and will fight for that title.

jihoonrk:

jihoork was previously known as rkxwoozi. i even used his original blog when i re-applied with him;; he lasted a bit under a year in all honesty the first time and i specifically remember that the reason for that was being signed under trc. it was a pretty unfortunate time for him to be signed, with all the scandals that happened and what not. i was a tad regretful that i dropped him to be honest, which is all the reason to why he was brought back. tbh, he didn’t change in that like 6 months gap he was away. he was the same moody gremlin everyone knew and loved. if you had asked me, a few years ago if i thought jihoon would debut, i’d laugh and say no fucking way, but here we are, when he is a member of convex and got to debut with his longets lasting friend, sehun and best friend seungcheol. so he is living the dream you know? even if he doesn’t show it, he is grateful and appreciates everything that’s happening around him and to him. his main goal right now is to be the variety ace of convex and is working slowly to achieve that goal.

yonghyunrk:

ahhh here we go;; my last muse who had to undergo something similar to jihoonrk;; i brought him in, because i had this idea of a metal head, who really just wanted fame and girl and guys. however, stuff happened, i couldn’t get him to have threads i wanted and so i dropped him. again, i pretty much reapplied a few months later with junhoerk which was basically younghyunrk 2.0 and eventually, i realized that the muse deserved its original fc and here we are again with younghyunrk. to be honest, i don’t even know how i managed to get him to go to mga4, but he went and caused chaos with chungha and we all know how much fun he actually had haha;; he still doesn’t like dance, and will probably not enjoy it until he gets signed and coach tells him he can’t dance and JUST out of spite, he will get better at it. ultimately, he wishes to debut on a band, he wouldn’t really mind if he gets placed at any instrument, as long as he gets to sing. he still wants to reach paradise city, as guns ‘n roses have said.

quick mentions to some of my other muses as well. its funny how all my other muses lasted for months as well;; honorary mentions will go to namtaerk, minhxrk and probably minhyunrk, i won’t be really talking about them, so focusing on eunwoork and jisungrk;

i can without a doubt say that these are my more interesting muses, or eunwoo at least. her dream was to become a musical actress and was a serial dater; she’d date a lot of people, girls and boys, and wouldn’t really bat an eyelash once it was all over. never really had long term relationships either. she was into photography and her photography instagram was more popular than her personal one and she didn’t mind haha.

jisungrk wanted to be a professional football player and he was never really interested in becoming an idol, which made him fun to play. however, he was a really young muse, i think i made him 16? yeah, i think he was 16 and after that i realized i can’t do young muses;; its just weird for me, i have no clue what middle school kids actually do haha, i remember i just slept and did nothing all day, didn’t even study whoops. 

but yeah, these two muses were very short lived but fun and i think that one day, if rkforthmuse is allowed, i highly doubt it, i will bring back eunwoork because she deserved more attention than i ever gave her.

now i will do a few mentions, by a few i mean it will be a lot;; i’m sorry if i get sappy or anything;; please accept my love <33

ABBIE - @seungcheolrk​ & @rkwon​ & @rkgwen​ - sunshine, my lovely amazing sunshine;; thank you. thank you, thank you. its been nearly five years of friendship, can you imagine it? soon, in just two months, it will be half a decade and i am extremely grateful;; i can’t explain it and i know that even saying it on a daily basis to you, it won’t be enough;; its funny how we started talking through rksoo and ellyrk, and now here we are, four years later, rkjicheol being in the same company, debuting together, in the same group. in all honesty, i remember when i dropped jihoon and then picked him up after like, literally two months, and it was one of the best decisions i ever made. i always have fun talking to you, plotting and threading and i honestly wish i did it a lot more than i currently do, but you know, uni is kicking my ass hasljdhlas anyway;; thank you, sunshine, thank you a lot and for these almost five years i love you a lot 🍅🍅🍅

HUNNIE - @yutark​ & @rksunwoo​ & @rkseokwoo​ - where do i even start?? like, oh wow, there is A LOT;; i can definitely say, we started talking when i suggested jihoon as sunwoo’s first kiss and look where the are now? dating, for what? seven months, can you believe that? SEVEN!!! this is insane haha;; and look and where we are now, talking on a daily basis, and its very very nice;; i don’t know what i would do nowadays without you, so i’m really really thankful you deal with my sorry ass so much ahdsdsalla it started with jihoon and sunwoo, then it transitioned to younghyun and yuta, and most recently, its been yuta and hyuna and their lil game of cat and mouse;; its always fun plotting with you, threading, talking, everything really;; and i really hope it will continue to be this way;; i love you

LYN - @rkxsnn & @rkavery - hello there mum!!! impressed im starting with you? anyway, i have A LOT OF THANK YOUS TO TELL YOU, starting from dealing with me, to helping me get through college, to life advice, to all the skype calls we had, a lot of things in these past few years. even if we don’t talk as much and i know you have life kicking u in the ass, i wish we could change that soon;; i miss you a lot;; all of your muses are amazing and i absolutely adore them, as much as i do you!! hmu soon;;  minsoo and elly were iconic, and he will forever be a huge part of her;; remember that mino and taehyun ship we had? good angst times lbr.

JEN - @yujurk - sup there mum number 2 even though i act older than you, you can’t even lie about that haha; you were one of the first people i started talking to in rookies, and still do on a weekly basis? daily? you get the point haha;; damn, i don’t think we ever argued as well, which is insane and you do give good advice and oh my god your muses are so funnnnnnnnnn bring all of themmmmmmmm innnnnnnnnnnnnn;; i’m so so happy that you came back to rookies after that hiatus;; really really happy;; jieun and hyuna are iconic partners in crime;; jihoon is grateful that jieun taught him how to sing;; hyuna thinks soyeon will forever haunt her, no doubt;; jkook is forever jihoon’s bunny you can fight him about it;; eunwoo says jkook never took her on a date, she’s upset about it haha

CLARA - @rkwendy​ & @rkjohnny​ - clara clara clara. you really love having me send the group chat into gay panic huh? i will forever continue to do it, do not worry. once a week sound good? hahah;; i wish we talked more than we do lately, but its always fun no matter what it is;; i also know for sure, you have my back and we can take over a country if we tried hard enough lbr;; i think we mainly stared talking when the brosquad/antisquad happened, which was pretty much when i joined rookies haha;; so again, nearly five years of friendship look at that!! we need to talk more and you need to tell me more baking recipes!! i think it was hyuna and wendy that we first got to interact and then wendy and jihoon and funny enough, i feel like jihoon and wendy are closer than hyuna and wendy haha;; then younghyun joined the picture to fully annoy wendy out of this word;; we need to thread more sobs;; lets make that happen yeah?

SHINOBI - @rkkangjoon​ & @rkgray​- hello there shinobi. i think our meet up scenario was the same as with clarea, huh?  brosquad/antisquad;; we should talk more, that’s a definite but i think that with hyuna&kangjoon we have gotten a lot closer than before and its really cute and nice and i love it qwq gray and hyuna need to release a hit song someday, we better make that happen yeah??? good!!

SACHA - @rkrose​ & @rkkyungri​ - i am super super duper ultra mega giga happy we got to talk a lot in the past few months, get to know each other and its very very nice;; i always have fun talking to you and i know i can lean on you if my day has been shitty, and i am sorry if i’ve had a lot of shitty days sadhljsajldnl ahhh, but yes, our muses will go through a lot and i’m really happy you enjoy it and i hope we can see them grow and develop!! 

ANI - @rkchungha & @rksohee& @rkmiya​ - what am i actually gonna do without you, that’s a very very good question i was asking myself recently. its really weird we never really talked a lot until younghyun was brought into rookies, which was i think this year huh? funny, very weird, what life was i living without you in it?? hahaha, anyway, i’m really glad and happy having chungha and younghyun so close got us to be closer as well, even if i set you into rp panic with random questions and potential scenarios haha;; i’m glad you enjoy them;;; love you lots!!

CARLY - @taeminrk & @rkluna & @danielxrk - we don’t really talk much, but in reality, i actually don’t know where i’d be rn if i couldn’t come to you with stupid questions and inquiries;; i wish you all the best in every possible aspect of life and love seeing you on the dash;; ngl i am also extremely and forever sorry that you have to read through hyunark’s post from like three years ago, that;s some nasty writing right there yikes;; but thank you for taking rookies under your wing and just expanding it and making it better and better with the rest of the mod team;; keep up the good work!!

a very special thanks to all of the royal girls, @rkxnarong , @rkyena , @rkella , @rkcheri , @rksoohyun , @rklisa , @rkrose who made royal survival a blessing, her stay in royal amazing as well;;  special thanks to all the royal boys, ex ones count as well, fight me @rkbyunbaek , @jaehyunrk , @kibumrk, @yienrk , @rkseonho,  thank you for being a part of hyunark’s journey in royal fun and emotional lbr;; you guys managed to make royal fun for me as well, so thank you so so so much to every single one of you guys;;

a huge thank you for og trc roster that’s still here and dealt with jihoon;s sorry ass back then; a huge thank you for the kt roster that had to deal with jihoon as well, even if it was for a short amount of time;; a huge thank you for sphere, and convex members @seungcheolrk , @rkhyun , @rkjinwook , @kibumrk , @rkjinkis , @rktaeyxng , @tenrk , @rkxroyal , @rkohsehun , @yienrk , @rkromeo , @rkzyx, who will now have to deal with jihoon like it not, but i apologize on his behalf;; even if i don’t say it often, i am really really happy jihoon got to debut with your boys and i’m happy i get to interact with all of you so much;; thank you, thank you, thank you;;

thank you rookies, for such an amazing time!! i can only wish and hope for many more!!!

[butihavejoy]

hi I love ur writing can u write something where one of barisi cheats? I know it’s bad but I just 💕💕💕 the angst please and thank u

Hey friend! Thank you so, so much for the kind words about my writing, but cheating is one of those things that I...just don’t really write. If you’re looking for an excellent angsty cheating fic, I’d heartily recommend @barbaxcarisi‘s “The Last Five Years” as it is painful (and beautifully so).

And in the meantime, perhaps I can interest you in some non-angsty, non-cheating because I live to be contrary like that.

Carisi ran a finger through the condensation on the neck of his beer bottle and sighed. He had gone to Forlini’s ostensibly to drink, but in reality, it was the closest he could get to Barba.

Barba, who was in Texas of all godforsaken places, working on immigration aid, a job that, when he had taken it at least, promised better pay, better hours and above all, keeping him relatively close to home.

So much for that.

He'd been gone for two months now, living out of a suitcase in a hotel room while Carisi lived out of a duffel bag at Barba’s apartment, because he couldn't quite bring himself to admit defeat and go back to his own place. He couldn't bring himself to admit that Barba might not be coming back anytime soon.

So he lived out of a duffel bag and wore rumpled suits that he explained away with an increasingly thin excuse about his dry cleaners being shut down, and he buried his face in Barba’s pillow and pretended he could still smell Barba’s aftershave, long since faded in the man’s absence.

It was supposed to be different, now that Barba was out of the DA’s office and this thing between them was no longer a conflict of interest. And the three or so weeks they'd had following three years of dancing around each other had been everything Carisi had almost given up on hoping for.

But then Barba had left, called away to serve as an emergency advocate in immigration cases on the border, even though immigration law had never been his specialty.

“I'll be back before you know it,” Barba had promised when he kissed Carisi goodbye on the curb at JFK.

“Don't worry,” Carisi had returned with an easy grin. “I'll wait.”

It was a promise he was beginning to regret making.

Carisi sighed again and lifted his beer bottle, taking a long pull before making a face at the taste. He had told the bartender to give him what she recommended, and apparently the bartender’s taste ran toward unnecessarily hoppy IPAs. Not that Carisi minded an IPA, but he was always reminded of Barba, one time late at night, sitting in the empty seat next to Carisi and smirking as he pronounced, “IPAs are just pumpkin spice lattes for white men.”

While Carisi had laughed at the time, the memory felt as bitter as his beer now.

He heard someone clear their throat and half-turned to see an attractive man a few years older than Carisi hovering over his shoulder.

“This seat taken?”

Carisi bit back his automatic response of yes, because it hadn't been Barba’s seat for a long time. Instead, he shook his head and tore his gaze away from the man’s eyes, which flashed a familiar shade of green as he lowered himself into the empty seat.

“I’d offer to buy you a drink,” the man said, a little hesitantly, “but you don't seem to be drinking the one you have.”

Carisi glanced back over at him.

On closer examination, the green in the man’s eyes must've been a trick of the light, and Carisi forced a smile to tamp down the fact that he was apparently to the point of seeing things now. “Apparently I'm not in the mood for beer,” he said with a light laugh.

“Then what are you in the mood for?”

Cuban.

Carisi shrugged and managed a slightly wider smile. “I dunno,” he admitted. “Whatever’ll tempt me, I guess.”

“Well, that’s convenient,” the man said, with a smile of his own. “I’m in the mood for temptation.”

It was a line if ever Carisi had heard one, and not a particularly good one, but Carisi still laughed and turned slightly to face the man more fully. “Sonny,” he offered, holding his hand out for the man to shake. “Sonny Carisi.”

“Chris,” the man — Chris — returned, shaking Carisi’s hand. “Chris Heffernan.” His touch lingered just a little bit too long, but then again, it’s not like Carisi yanked his hand away or anything. “So if not beer, what drink can I buy you?” Carisi shrugged and Chris’s smile widened. “Rum and coke?” he offered, before his smile turned slightly wicked. “Tequila shots?”

“God, not if I don’t want to be hungover tomorrow morning,” Carisi said with a laugh. He paused, considering it. “Vodka gimlet,” he said decisively.

Chris’s eyebrows rose as he flagged the bartender over. “Interesting choice,” he said.

Carisi shrugged. “Well, I’m not really drinking whiskey, which kinda limits my choices, and besides, my nonna used to drink vodka gimlets, and what can I say, that woman had impeccable taste.”

Chris laughed lightly and raised his own drink in a toast when the bartender brought Carisi’s gimlet. “Cheers,” he said, taking a sip before asking, “So why no whiskey?”

“Oh, uh…” Carisi shrugged again, looking away as he drained half of his gimlet in one gulp. “It just, uh, reminds me of someone.”

“Oh?” Chris asked, setting his hand on Carisi’s knee, and Carisi should’ve flinched away from the touch but instead he leaned into it. “Anyone you want to talk about?” Before Carisi could answer, he added, “Or we could go back to my place and talk there.”

It was forward of this guy, who Carisi had just met, but Carisi wasn’t turned off by the forwardness like normally he would be. In fact, there was a not so small part of him that was tempted as hell to take him up on it, to throw back his vodka gimlet and go home with a stranger and spend the night feeling a little less lonely.

It wasn’t like he and Barba were married, after all.

Hell, they were barely even together.

Besides, this man was good-looking, friendly, and most importantly of all, here.

So why shouldn’t Carisi take him up on it?

He knew the answer, knew it deep in his bones, had known it three years ago at Mike Dodds’s funeral and through every failed relationship and tryst since.

Because he wasn’t Rafael.

And no matter how much Carisi might be temporarily tempted, he was in love with a stubborn, arrogant jackass who was also one of the best, smartest, most passionate men he’d had the chance to meet. And no one, no matter their proximity, could compare to that.

“I’m sorry,” he heard himself say as he scooted away and stood automatically. “I, uh, I actually gotta get home.”

“Oh,” Chris said, disappointment flitting across his face. “Got someone waiting for you?”

Carisi didn’t. But he might as well have. “Yeah,” he said. “Someone I love very much.”

Chris smiled slightly. “He’s a lucky man,” he offered.

“Yeah,” Carisi said, laughing lightly. ‘He is. He may not know it, but he is.”

Though Chris managed a laugh at that, he also gave Carisi a slightly serious look. “Well, if ever he doesn’t fully realize how lucky he is…”

He trailed off and Carisi half-smiled. “Thanks,” he said, in response to the unspoken offer. “But, uh, if anyone’s the truly lucky one between us, it’s me. He’s…” He broke off, his smile widening when he thought about Barba, about all his strengths and flaws, the best parts of him and the worst, and above all, everything Carisi had gotten to witness in their short time together as well as all their years of friendship, the parts that no one else got to see. “He’s a good man,” he said simply.

“Then I imagine you’re both lucky,” Chris told him.

“Thanks,” Carisi said with an easy smile. “And thanks for the drink.”

With that, he stepped outside, fishing in his pocket for his phone. It was late, and Barba probably wouldn’t even pick up, but Carisi figured it couldn’t hurt to give him a call, to hear his voice.

Then, he brightened, remembering that, post-DA’s office, Barba had finally entered the modern era and gotten himself an iPhone, and Carisi quickly opened FaceTime and called Barba that way instead.

The phone rang four times before Barba answered, and Carisi was treated not to a shot of Barba’s face, like he was expecting, but rather the dull, taupe walls of what Carisi assumed was Barba’s hotel room. “Hello?” Barba asked.

He sounded tired, but Carisi’s heart still leapt at the sound.

“Hi,” he said, just slightly breathlessly. “How’re you?”

“I’d be better if I could see you,” Barba said, and Carisi laughed lightly.

“Rafael, turn the phone around,” he said, with fond exasperation, and the image of the hotel wall shook as he could see Barba’s fingers pushing in vain on the screen. “Don’t — no, the camera itself is fine, don’t touch that, you just physically need to turn the phone around. It’s already on selfie mode, Raf.”

The screen blurred as Barba assumedly turned the phone around, and Carisi was treated to a close-up view of what he guessed was Rafael’s right cheek. “Oh,” Barba said, a smile clear in his voice, even if Carisi couldn’t see it. “There you are.”

Carisi grinned. “There I am,” he said patiently. “But, uh, your phone’s a little close to your face.”

“Oh,” Barba said, clearly trying to move his phone further away, and succeeding only in showing Carisi the upper right-hand fourth of his face. “Is that better?”

“You don’t have your reading glasses on, do you?” Carisi asked in lieu of responding to the question.

The part of Barba’s face that Carisi could see creased into a scowl. “What are you implying?” he asked.

“That you’re old,” Carisi said, his grin widening. “Gonna have to get you bifocals when you get back into town.”

Barba snorted. “I’d hang up on you if I could figure out how.”

Carisi laughed. “Big red button, Raf. It’s not hard.” He paused. “Either you’ve gone colorblind or that was an idle threat, Counselor.”

“Shut up,” Barba said, without any heat whatsoever. “So dare I ask the reason for this call?”

Carisi sighed and leaned against the brick façade of Forlini’s. “Well, I’m at your favorite bar,” he said, turning his phone slightly to showcase the Forlini’s sign. “And honestly? I missed you.”

Barba sighed. “I miss you, too,” he told Carisi, sounding tired again. “Work is kicking my ass day in and day out, and it’s no fun when I don’t have you to come home to.”

“I can’t imagine you got that used to me being around in the, like, three weeks leading up to you leaving,” Carisi pointed out, though he couldn’t quite stop his goofy grin.

“Fine, then it’s no fun when I don’t have you to torment at work,” Barba shot back, and Carisi laughed.

“Fair enough.”

He paused, and something of his own misery must have shown in his face because what little he could see of Barba’s expression softened. “I know I told you that I’d be back before you know it—”

Carisi shook his head. “Raf—” he started, trying to interrupt, but Barba ignored him.

“—And I know it’s not fair to you, to finally have figured everything out between us and then I just left, and you’ve been so patient—”

“Rafael.” This time, Carisi succeeded in interrupting. “The work you’re doing is important. I know that as well as anyone. And sure, the timing wasn’t, you know, great, but, uh, it’s fine. If anyone can make it work, given everything we’ve been through, it’s us.”

“Still, I just— fuck.”

Carisi’s phone screen went temporarily black and Carisi choked out a laugh. “Did you drop your phone on your face?” he asked, snickering.

“I’m not dignifying that with a response,” Barba said frostily as — finally — his entire face swam into view.

Carisi’s grin softened. “There you are,” he said, echoing Barba’s words back to him, and Barba’s forehead creased in a frown.

“I’ve been here the entire time,” he said, and Carisi just shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“When you get home, I’m teaching you how to FaceTime properly.”

Barba scowled. “Before you get all high and mighty on your technology horse, I’ll have you know that I used to be able to type 55 words per minute on my Blackberry.”

“That is pathetic on so many levels,” Carisi told him with a laugh. “Mainly the fact that you tested yourself on that.”

“Whatever,” Barba huffed. “Your Apple Watch is hideous.”

“For that, I’m giving you one for your birthday,” Carisi said easily.

Barba groaned. “God, don’t remind me,” he sighed. “I still have 4 months before I’m officially in my late-forties.” He glared at Carisi. “And then you’ll be officially dating an old man.”

“Don’t worry, I already am,” Carisi told him, and Barba glowered at him for a moment before his expression softened.

“I’m coming home soon,” he said. “I know I’ve said it before, but this time I mean it. I don’t have an exact timeline yet but with the votes coming on DACA, they’re going to need me to do stuff back in the city more than here at the border. And obviously, I don’t expect anything…”

He trailed off, and Carisi managed a soft smile. “Don’t worry,” he told Barba, his voice quiet. “I’m still waiting.”

And when Barba broke out in a genuine smile at that, Carisi didn’t know how he could ever have thought that he regretted making that promise in the first place.

[omgxiaoch]

hello, i LOVE yOUR BLOG SO I PLEASE PLEASE DO MONSTA X REACTS TO YOU BUYING THEM FLOWERS ON A DATE THANK YOU

Monsta X reacts to: their S/O buying them flowers on a date

a/n: hEy anon! i hope you like this and i’m sorry for the very late post ;u; thank you so much anon! ;u; *sends u love* i really hope that you’ll like this. i apologize once more for this being posted so late ;;

masterlist

Shownu;

Whenever the two of you go on a date, it was never a thing for you to buy something out of the ordinary for Hyunwoo. But the moment you stepped foot in the cafe, Hyunwoo’s eyes would widen and fits of laughter would leave his lips when he sees you with a bouquet of flowers. It’s not that he’s embarrassed but he is F L U S T E R E D. He knew how you can be extra and think of crazy antics, but he never knew that it’d catch him off-guard. Handing him the bouquet, Hyunwoo wouldn’t be able to stop giggling. A tinge of pink would be creeping up to his cheeks, ears already beet red from being overwhelmed by the situation. But once he finally regains his composure, he would tease you and jokingly tells you that it’s you who deserves to be given all these flowers.

“Baby, surprise! I bought you flowers on the way here and yeah. *hands the bouquet of flowers to Hyunwoo, who could barely take a hold of it from giggle laughing too much*”

“*giggling laughing blushing* You didn’t have to, baby, but thank you. I love it. *continues to giggle*”

Wonho;

C h e e k y. One word to describe how Wonho would react to you giving him flowers on your date. The moment he sees you waiting for him by the swing with a bouquet of flowers, he wouldn’t be able to keep his cool. He’d be cheeky to an extent that he’d be walking towards you with that same expression in the gif. Well, since you know how Hoseok can be like this sometimes, you just shrug it off and hand it to him with the biggest grin you could ever do. All of that cheeky facade will eventually vanish and be replaced with a blushing Hoseok when you tell him that you remembered that this was his favorite flower and how it reminded you of him. But the fact that he’s still astonished at your sudden surprise, aka giving him flowers, he wouldn’t really let you get away with this.

“Omo, flowers for me? *walks towards you with the same facial expression in the gif*”

“Yes, it’s for you, silly. I remembered that you loved this flowers and just wanted to spoil you. Hehehe, I hope you like it, baby. *hands him the flowers, only to have Wonho blushing madly while laughing out loud - aka Hoseok being Hoseok*”

Minhyuk;

To be honest, Minhyuk couldn’t believe it the moment he sees you running towards him with a bouquet of flowers in your hand. Well, it’s because he also got you a bouquet of flowers. But the moment you stop right in front of him, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from chuckling at the fact that you looked so cute with your cheeks rosy from the cold air and cutest grin. He’d ask you what’s the occasion and when you just answered him that you just felt like buying him a bouquet of flowers. Once you noticed that he also brought you flowers, he’d sheepishly rub his nape while handing you the flower - more like an exchange bouquet of flowers with each other. Minhyuk wouldn’t be able to stop himself from pulling you into a tight hug, however, since the look in your face was just too adorable for him but he’d also tell you that he’ll be pressing the flowers that you’ve given him to commemorate the day you’ve given him flowers during your date with each other.

“Baby, y-you bought me flowers?! *smiling widely as he watches you enthusiastically showing him the bouquet of flowers you bought for him*”

“Yes! I hope you like the flowers, baby. *was about to hand him the flowers when you also see him with flowers* You also bought me flowers? *laughing*”

“I did, *laughing* I hope you also like this, baby. I love you! *plants a kiss on your forehead*”

Kihyun;

The two of you decided to have a date at Kihyun’s apartment, just a chill day with him. But before you got to his apartment, you decided to buy him a bouquet of flowers since you just felt like it. Happily walking towards his apartment door, you ring the bell and the moment Kihyun opens the door, you pull out the bouquet of flowers. Kihyun would be surprised, resulting in Kihyun looking at you with the same expression in the gif. He’d find you cute but also a little bit extra. But he appreciates it so much that he’d pull you into a tight hug, whispering sweet nothings into your years. Well, it kind of made him more clingy towards you since he just couldn’t get enough of you since he thinks that you’re just too cute with buying him a bouquet of flowers. He’d immediately place those flowers in a vase and would actually ask you about it. But don’t you wonder why he’d start teasing you after.

“You’re here!- *you hand him the bouquet of roses with a grin plastered on your face* Oh my, they’re beautiful! *pulls you into a tight hug*”

“I’m glad that you like it, baby!”

“But what made you buy me a bouquet of flowers, baby? *still hugging you while you enter his apartment*”

Hyungwon;

Hyungwon invited you to a dinner date and was actually waiting for you at the car since he decided to pick you up from your apartment. Little did he know that you had a surprise for him. He was casually waiting outside his car, leaning on the hood, eyes wandering when his eyes caught a glimpse of your beautiful face then into the bouquet of flowers in your hands. At first, he thought some guy gave it to you but the moment you told him that the bouquet of flowers was for him, his mind would actually take long to process the words that you say - Is this a prank? The bouquet of flowers is.. really for me? Wait, is this a dream? Am I dreaming? Wait… is she really my girlfriend? Those were the thoughts that went through his mind - which you immediately read right away.

“Baby, this is not a joke. I bought you these flowers since it reminded me of you. I just thought that I wanted to spoil you with all the love that I’ve placed in this bouquet.”

“*still looking at you with suspicion, only to get hit on the head by you* A-arasso, thank you babe. Man, it’s usually me who’s giving you flowers but now the table’s been turned. *cocks his head to the side* Anyways, come one. Let me treat you to the best dinner that you’ll ever have!”

Jooheon;

Jooheon will be Jooheon. Just a simple picnic date was all that he invited you to. The food, everything was all taken care of him so in return, you wanted to reward him for all the hard work and efforts that he’s placed on this date for the two of you. Before he could fetch you at the place where the two of you planned to meet, you stopped by the flower shop and bought his favorite flowers. Had the flowers wrapped around with the paper wrapper and white ribbon. The moment you got to the place, Jooheon was already there - waiting for you. You called his name out and when he sees you walking towards him with the biggest smile plastered on your face, hands tucked behind, he wouldn’t have any clue why you’re walking towards him like that But when yu pulled out the flowers from your back, he’d be surprised at the gesture - only to end up telling you that you didn’t have to since just having you by his side was already enough for him.

“Tada! A bouquet of flowers for my man. This is for all the efforts and hard work that you’ve done, baby. Thank you for taking me out on a picnic date. *plants a kiss on his cheeks before handing him the bouquet*”

“Aigoo, baby, I love it but you didn’t have to. Just having you by my side is the best reward that I could ever have! Hey, don’t pout. I really appreciate it, baby. I’ll press these flowers once we go home, okay? ”

I.M;

Just expect Changkyun to attac you. He was already waiting for you at the cafe where the two of you decided to have your date. When he heard the bells ringing, he turns around - only to meet your cheeky grin and the prettiest bouquet that he’s ever seen. He would be surprised but his reaction wouldn’t be the reaction that you’ve expected from him. Once you sat beside him, he’d sling an arm around your shoulder - causing you to face him and see that expression on the gif. He would react the way how he would react when you did something for him to have his heart running wild, and butterflies breaking out from their cages in his stomach. 

“Omo, baby, these flowers… you remembered? *acting shy, cheeks heating up, stifles a laugh*”

“Yeah? *looks at him weirdly, kind of regretting but not really* W-why?”

“*insert random laugh here, lightly pats your free shoulder then covers his mouth like he’s overjoyed* Baby, you didn’t have to! They’re beautiful, like you and me.”