#anyways it didnt stress me out nearly as much as i was expecting

[captainchokchok]

Idk how I'm supposed to feel right now lol

[fedorahead]

I had a breakdown earlier because I've been so overstimulated by people and I'm not reaching basic goals like "clean room over break" even though the break in reference was summer break and i'm nearly done with winter break. and i have alot of other things i gotta do to but every time i'm surrounded by people their emotions and issues and wants and needs are pasted over mine and i forget everything. i have finally stopped going out of my way to cater to unreasonable demands or expectations, like, it's not my job to make someone happy when they can't even use their words like a grown up, but since they'll still sigh and snap and do anxious things around me i'm still being totally overcome by their shit energy

so anyway ive been getting increasingly stressed

and i broke down and said i didnt want to socialize i didnt want to go to amtgard i didn't want to go to the store i didn't want to go back to work i just want to do nothing and be able to have a clear fucking thought, and that i dont have a rewards center in my brain the way most people do so finishing tasks doesnt make me feel relief.

and i brought up that my room being a mess makes me stressed every day and adds to my misery and i hate that i can't even figure out how to do that and even when i do that i'm still not even fully moved in here and so a clear room means space for living room stuff to clutter it, and then a clear living room means space for garage stuff to clutter it, and people keep giving me shit i dont need or want and it keeps building and i keep building piles of random shit arou d me and i can't even do the basics of tidying and my husband said he'd help and i started crying and said i didn't want to make him do everything for me.

and my husband said that he doesn't want to be disabled either, and he knows i would do it if i could, because obviously i care about it even if it isn't rewarding, and that it will make my life easier even if i don't feel like i succeeded by it being clean because it's making my life worse messy.

and he said he doesn't mind doing the things i struggle with for or with me, because i do the things he struggles with for or with him, and we can work together and also i do that other thing he likes which makes it all worth it anyway.

and my dudes, i have the best frickin husband in the world. i've spent my entire life not understanding why i work harder than everyone around me and get less done, and this person comes in and is helpful and actually shares a workload with me, my workload, and doesn't resent me for it. he cooks my meals and washes the dishes and helps me with nearly everything in my life. and i drive us all over the state so he can be in tourneys and i talk to people about his knighting and make sure that he has his medication and talk him through his rough patches too. and i love him unconditionally, and he loves me unconditionally. and we make sure to set time aside to be alone together and talk and cuddle every night even when he isn't staying in my room with me or is staying up for a few more hours and has stuff to do. and he takes care of our cats and i adopt more cats and pay their vet bills while he feeds them and waters them and teaches them life skills.

he's the best. and i feel so much better because we had this talk.

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

ok so...we all saw the flurry of Bandom Racism discussion happening. and i have...thoughts.

i know this is late, in theory because i wanted to get my thoughts together, but honestly mainly because i didnt know what to say, so part of me was annoyed that i felt obligated to say anything at all. bc im not nearly as active in bandom as my blog probably makes it look, i didnt learn 90% of the Lore until september and all of that i learned from mcrblr. im new! i dont know about any of this! much less about the racism. so...why am i expected to talk about it? what is there for me to say?

...and over the past few days, its slowly sunk in for me that thats exactly the point.

of COURSE i dont see the racism in the fandom, or know what to say about it. because either none of the other white liberal fans in my circle do, or we just... dont talk about it. and i think when we do know, we dont talk about it, because we feel like its not our place. we dont know what to say, and especially if we feel like we had any hand in it, we're... embarassed? i know i am. and like...i hesitate to list examples, because i dont want to come across as self flagellating. one, because its got to be annoying for people of color, and two, because...i dunno. i dont want to make other white people think thats whats required, to be anti racist? because i think thats one of the assumptions we're laboring under, like...we've created this environment of really aggressive Discourse, so when it comes to racism, and unpacking our own...we talk in really vague terms, we never get past the "UwU!!! Dont Be Racist!!!!" PSAs because naming our own transgressions means admitting to wrongdoing, which is embarassing at the best of times, but in the very spaces we've created, generally being found out as Doing Something Wrong means getting jumped on by other white people for the purpose of their own moral preening so no one will suspect them of the same. so...why willingly subject yourself to that? especially if whatever you have to say, whatever it is in your behaviour you want to discuss, may be triggering to people of color. simply not mentioning it feels like the better - and safer - option.

but...thats what leads to us not knowing enough about all this to feel confident talking about it in the first place.

i dunno. last week, im one of the people who looked right at that piece of art with franks rising sun tattoo, and went... "huh. hey, theres that tattoo he got covered up because it was offensive. i should look into that. ...anyway, cool art!" and hit reblog.

and like...once people started talking about it, (theres one specific post, forget who its by, someone talking about mcrs history with anti asian racism, great post thank you for making it) i felt...bad? but i also felt kinda defensive. in thinking back on it, i was like..."well, im glad to know that now. but dude im not familiar with his tattoos. i kind of assumed what i was looking at was the covered up version where its sort of peeking through. idk it was a watercolor it was kinda garbled. i wont blame myself for not thinking any harder than that."

and then i was like... okay but. if im honest with myself, thats still bad. because it doesnt matter, since i probably wouldve reblogged it anyway, just assuming it was for the sake of photo accuracy or what have you...because i still didnt fucking know or care what the rising sun flag was.

which was the whole point.

because if i HAD. if i HAD done my research when id first heard about it, months ago, i would have recognized that art for what it was and treated it with the wide berth it deserved and avoided it regardless of my knowledge of his stupid fucking tattoo. but i didnt, for a host of reasons. mainly executive dysfunction, general stress in my personal life (nunya bidness) and...if im being honest? i just didnt want to, because...i hate self teaching. i have adhd. i was homeschooled, it was really traumatic, i flunked all of highschool and had to get a GED. my reading comprehension and attention span are piss poor. so i didn't feel like looking into it. i didnt feel like giving myself a whole impromptu history lesson. i opened one wiki page and instantly got overwhelmed.

but thats also the point. because all those reasons for not doing my due diligence and reading up on why asian fans are so pressed about the rising sun tattoo? or why black fans want nothing to do with 21p? the same shit probably applies to them! they don't feel like doing it either, we just give them no choice until eventually they make giant ass posts, comprehensive, easy to digest, step by step posts, for the express purpose of doing what we all refuse to do.

and, again, theres that feeling of guilt. guilt and shame, because im admitting to this, and because i know how reading this is gonna make other white fans feel, because i just went through the exact same set of feelings, and its uncomfortable as hell. so i can only imagine how fans of color have felt.

im not making this to browbeat white fans, or to self flagellate to fans of color. this isnt a soap box or a confession booth. im just.. talking. so lets talk. im gonna be honest, i still havent done real research into the rising sun flag. im literally just now looking at the wikipedia page for imperial japan, which i just now opened, and i still feel just as overwhelmed. (does anyone have good material on learning about this? if i find any, ill post it in reblogs.)

but...yeah. this isnt an UwU!!! Dont Be Racist!!!! PSA. this is uhhhh...We're All A Little Racist, Lets Talk About It So We Wont Be. an open letter, i guess. cause we're doing and saying racist shit, intentionally or unintentionally, whether we realize it or admit it or not, and i think the majority of you who have read this far are, like me, mainly doing so through inaction. and i think the more we ignore that, the worse this feeling will get. so...lets stop ignoring it. i know we all just did exactly that, i saw it happen, i was part of it, i get the reasons why. but its delaying the inevitable, and more importantly, we're hurting other people because of it. so...lets just get it over with, it cant be any more embarassing than burying our heads in the sand.

[aroace-poly-show]

follow up to my last oc rant: im gonna cover weiss and jex here since im brain rotting about them again sigh

also i tried my best with the sort of worldbuilding dont come for me if its not great this was for fun

jex’s illness specifically was inspired by this fictional disease thing i saw on pinterest and im so sad bc i didnt save it so i cant link it FUCK anyway specifically it was heavily inspired by the ink cough one. essentially jex’s body pretty much starts to slowly fail on them. throughout the life of one affected by this, they’ll slowly become weaker and weaker, getting sick much more easily (and those sicknesses tend to affect them much worse), having more and more violent coughing fits, being unable to heal very quickly/properly/more prone to infections, and blood from any injuries gets darker overtime, eventually becoming black. a lot of people often become eventually paralyzed. nearly everyone who has it has their expected lifespan cut incredibly short. those rare people that live longer spend their last days pretty much suffering. (no one really knows what causes it, theres rumors that it was a curse from an old dead god, placed upon the world in their final breath.. 👀 hehe)

stress tends to trigger jex’s cough but its not ink its like blackened blood. while they do tend to cough occasionally just in general, stressful situations will trigger a really really bad coughing fit, its worse depending how distressing it is to jex.

oh, and i forgot to mention!! weiss also has a sort of condition!! basically whenever they have an injury that draws blood, flowers will bloom from them. these flowers often help the wound to heal faster than if they weren’t there!! weiss was always fascinated by this, and (!!!possible tw: sh!!!) !!!sometimes would get hurt on purpose to draw blood and see the flowers bloom. its pretty cool having basically blood flowers that help you heal faster...until its like an internal injury then theyre an absolutely fucking pain in the ass to deal with.

so, weiss and jex were childhood best friends. they’ve been best friends foreverrr (and now romantic partners <3) since the one time jex fell out of a tree like a foot away from where weiss was messing with mechanical stuff. how fun!! jex had pretty much hopped out the window of their house after their caretaker left their room for like 2 seconds to grab their tea (which they absolutely fucking despise). before weiss can even say anything jex is just like “OOOOO WHATS THAT OMG” and just. fucking grabs the lil mechanical thing weiss was messing with.

weiss got pissed off at first bc “hey who are you why are you touching my stuff??” but then was overjoyed at the opportunity to infodump about her machines and stuff. boom now theyre besties. weiss used to help jex sneak out all the time. jex absolutely loved weiss for this, she was helping them live their childhood and god they’d do anything for her already.

weiss learned why jex had to stay inside all the time but it never really hit her until she actually witnessed one of their coughing fits. jex’s parents flipped the fuck out and weiss saw the amount of panic from them. jex had always played it off as it not being a big deal but seeing them struggle to just fucking breathe really shook weiss. the next time weiss saw them she made a promise that she’d find a way to help her, no matter what.

jex just kind of went along with that promise not thinking it was gonna be a serious thing, but weiss took that promise very seriously. she started focusing less on her interest in mechanical things and focused entirely on studying to help jex out. unfortunately…it resulted in them starting to drifting apart. jex was kept at home more especially since there wasn’t anyone to help them sneak out. eventually weiss hears about this group working towards learning more about their world, pretty much just scientists. she hears about one of their goals to help heal those illness that keep taking lives and she immediately fucking joins. goddamn shes excited!!! she can finally help her best friends!!! if only she read the fine print…sigh

so the group she joins, fucking sucks. very unethical experiments and projects but uh oh!! it seems theyre working with the shitty corrupt people that have wayyy too much power for anyone to do anything major about. so uh oh!!! no one’s coming to sue their asses!!! how sad for these (non)human lab rats :(

weiss had no idea about it at the beginning until shes offered a higher position in an important project, and she takes it bc she was told theyre working on the exact illness that jex has!! so of course shes gonna take that opportunity!! but unfortunately shes gonna be even busier, and jex wasnt happy about it. they already barely get to se weiss, and now they might not see them at all? theyre kind of hurt, and feel like shes treating them the same as their parents did. not letting them live the life they do have, just focusing on trying to extend it. it results in an argument between them, with weiss storming out. weiss didnt really get it, why would jex be upset??? shes trying to save them??? the fuck is their problem??? but she brushes it off and goes to start her new project, yay...

shes totally having a great time until she finds out just how far theyre willing to go “for research” (theyre really just pretentious fucking assholes who are basically torturing people and using “but science!!!” as an excuse). girl witnesses them recruiting fucking CHILDREN for these experiments and nopes the fuck out. and steals a child in the process. oopsies!! (she returned that kid to their parents and told them to get the fuck outta here) unfortunately!! they dont take kindly to people who know too much leaving their little group!! especially ones that also steal their lab rats!! uh oh!!

so weiss goes to see jex in the middle of the night, scares the everloving shit out of them, scares them EVEN MORE after she explains her situation, and they make up really quick and go on the run together!! how sweet!! (they make up properly later, weiss said sorry like a million times <3)

nowadays they travel around under new identities (their current names are the new identities btw i just refer to them in the past with the same name for simplicity [*cough* i didnt come up with previous names.. *cough*]). they visit bars and jex often does little perfomances and magic tricks there! if anyone's up to it, jex'll have a little spar with someone as well. they get by asking for tips for their performances. they often move from town to town, but they're fairly happy together <3 weiss is still looking around for any leads on possible solutions to jex's condition though, its how she got to know dorian. they crossed paths once and dorian was more than happy to help with her goal!! jex is here mostly to just enjoy themselves with their beloved. <3

notes:

jex fucking LOVES spicy food. doesn't matter how spicy it is, doesn't care how much they always end up coughing afterward, they will eat any kind of spicy food they'll see at any restaurant. (weiss has to beg them not to eat too much otherwise they'll be coughing for hours)

i think about them alot to "if i could ride a bike" - park bird/chevy , specifically in a modern setting. i love them dearly

i ended up writing...way more.. than i thought i had oh my god?? pls i originally did them first bc i thought they had a lot less but..jesus fucking christ man;;

[cody-apexart]

Day 12

This is honestly more or less a shitting on apex post. I apologies, but srsly. My time in Saigon has been so enjoyable, I really love this city and most of the experiences I have had, but the organization and communication style implemented by apex is making this less fun! Im in a bad mood, and had a bad day. Here’s the play by play:

I feel like the zoom mediation class today really set my day up for failure. Ive been practicing mediation on and off for over half my life— at this point Im pretty particular about what I like, and have tried out a lot of different styles to figure out what I enjoy and what works for me. This zoom meditation class lead by some man in southern California really was more of an hour long lecture of this dude talking about how he used to be depressed but now he isnt, and maybe 15 min of mediation max. I was all about work, like work like jobs, like capitalist meditation. When he said the phrase “hiring managers read your energy body” I knew I had heard enough. Which was kinda for the best, because I started looking at my email and noticed two had just come in from apex! One contained information that said the pottery class on my sched started at 9am not 10am. I had been preped to get there at 10, and at the time I was reading that email, it was already after 9am. I called the studio and they said I could still attend, though I did miss an hour of workshop time. Also, once I got there they said the ceramics wont be ready for 2 weeks. In 2 weeks I wont be here anymore. Why wouldn’t yall schedule this class earlier in my schedule? Also it was noted in my sched that the class would cost 40000 VND, but it was really 400000 VND. I also got an email from apex that I was RSVPd for a tech company business mixer. I hadn’t noticed it on my schedule because it was set for the wrong time, the event was probably entered in EST, so it was coming up on friday instead of thursday and was kinda hidden by the other long event on my friday sched. This email was my first time hearing about it, and since I was already reeling from the meditation class and time change to pottery I was like wtfffff.

Like what type of weird ass shit is that? Send someone with no tech experience to an even that is intended for people working in tech and living in Vietnam? Its just like why send me to crash their party? I don’t really understand, there are so many other places I could talk to strangers without being so out of place, like out of place in a way that kinda feels disrespectful and disruptive to the event. I dont mind being out of place or having to talk to stagers, but it just feels rude to show up to an event I rly have no business being at. Since the story slam, anything that comes off eventbrite I am very skeptical of.

Idk why nearly everything on the schedule feels like its made out to be a riddle. The times are wrong, the addresses are wrong. I can never just do what the calendar says and expect it to work out seamlessly. I feel like I spend so much troubleshooting shit that should already be taken care of.

Also I still havnt been reimbursed for this plane ticket?! Even though I sent the necessary info twice, and it says in a number of places that I can request reimbursement whenever id like. Similarly, the agreement I signed notes 45 days will be given in advance to get a visa if necessary, I was given 6 six businesses days notice. Like all of this is just causes what feels like /unnecessary/ stress, unless that feeling is all part of the program too? Im trying to just learn a lesson in loosing control.

Anyway, I went a little rouge today and didnt go to capoeira. I was emotionally exhausted, and my ankle is a little weird and clicky from walking so much. This is the first activity ive skipped-- I probably wouldnt have skipped it if I didnt already do the class last week, but knowing how intense it was, and how bad I felt, it was the right decision for me today. I cant wait for this upcoming day off. Two weeks non-stop is starting to get to me.

I went to a later screening of the movie since my evening was free, and wow, another movie centered around a traumatic pregnancy experience. The main character miscarried during a robbery at 6 months. I watched the trailer this time to avoid this type of thing, but it didnt reveal that plot point. actually the whole movie was actually about really toxic abusive relationships, but the trailer made it seem like a comedy. Anyway this was less fucked up than the abortion horror movie, but still fucked up. okay, but also the main character did ceramics, and i did a ceramics class this morning...was that planned? how curated are these days? I think this trip is the only time I have ever been in a movie theater without a friend or companion. Watching movies alone is totally new for me, just like how ive literally never used a pottery wheel before today. Also mark making scares me so painting the ceramic bowl I made was notably difficult for me. I am incredibly grateful for these experiences despite everything i just vented about.

[hyetomi]

LETTERS TO TXT

Choi Yeonjun

Pairings: gn reader x yeonjun

Genre: best friends to lovers au, fluff

Summary: Choi Yeonjun and Y/N. Like two peas in a pod, they’ve been attached at the hip since they were 8. Now, at 17, it was obvious to anyone with common sense that they were so in love with each other. It was about time one of them confessed. Who would do it first, before any of them slips up?

Notes: the first fic of the letters to txt series !! im quite disappointed with the way this turned out but i worked hard on it and scrapped it so many times already 😭 i didnt know how to end the story so it's an open-ending !! feel free to imagine what yeonjun does! if you want a part 2, do let me know!

Yeonjun stood in front of his locker, bewildered. He held up the envelope in front of him and examined it. Maybe… it was a mistake? Surely, this didn’t belong to him. The envelope was blank, with no information about the sender, nor the recipient. It made him wonder, what if the envelope was mistakenly slipped into his locker? 

His curiosity, however, got the best of him. He took the envelope, slammed his locker shut, and walked over to an empty classroom next to his locker. He slowly opened the envelope, making sure not to damage it so he could seal it back, in case it did not belong to him. He was surprised to see a letter folded in it and raised an eyebrow at the very beautiful decorations of the paper. He unfolded the letter, only for his jaw to drop and eyes go wide as saucers. The handwriting was so familiar and he definitely knew who it belonged to. Only one person in his mind could write as uniquely as the writer of this letter.

Dear Yeonjun,

(so it did belong to him!)

I’m guessing by now, you’ve figured out who wrote this. Your partner in crime, your soulmate, your only hope to pass Biology, and your best friend. We’ve known each other since 2nd grade and I’ve seen every single phase you’ve gone through and you’ve seen mine. Remember how we met? You accidentally killed my pet ladybug 一 Spots, I think 一 and then cried about it for the whole day because you felt so bad. It was traumatizing for me as a child. I had to comfort the boy who killed my pet. Looking back at it, though, it’s a really funny story. A story worth telling my grandchildren!

(Yes, Yeonjun does remember. It was very embarrassing. He doesn’t think he’s a pretty crier.)

Before you overthink or worry, I’m not going anywhere. I promised you that I’d stay by your side until the end of time and I vowed to myself that I will keep that promise. Anyways, before we get too sappy, I’ll get to the point of this letter.

I like you. 

Yeonjun dropped the letter in shock. What? He scrambled to pick up the letter after regaining his composure. He felt excited and ran his hand through his blue hair, pulling the ends of each strand, making sure that he was not dreaming. He then scanned the line over and over again. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. Those 3 words were swarming in his mind. He felt giddy at the fact that you like him back. You! Like! Him! Back! He snapped out of his trance at the sound of the whistleblowing from the field outside the classroom. Realizing what he was doing previously, he immediately skimmed through the letter to find the part where he left off.

Heck, I’m pretty sure like turned into love at some point. I realized my feelings when you were stressed over your dance competition and called me because you were so upset. Why didn’t you call Soobin? Or Beomgyu? When I voiced to you my thoughts, you answered: ‘Because no one can make me as euphoric as you do. You make my unhappy thoughts go away.’ I swear, I could’ve melted on the spot. My heart has never pumped blood that fast, not even Shin’s P.E. class can beat it. Then, you took my hands and we danced together under the dim lights of the dance room. It was 1 in the morning on a school day, but we didn’t have a care in the world. I remember how we laughed so much that night morning. I think I’ve never laughed as much as I did back then.

(He remembers it too. It’s Yeonjun’s favorite memory with you. He remembers your pretty laugh and your pretty eyes and how you held his hands and how he stared at you longingly while you danced. He remembers feeling as if he couldn’t breathe, butterflies swarming his stomach. He remembers how he wanted to say the words ‘I love you’ so bad, but stopped himself. He remembers how he couldn’t get the image of you under the lights of the dance studio no matter how hard he tried.)

I really don’t want to inflate your ego too much, but honestly, you are the best thing that has happened to me. Like mutualism symbiosis, we help each other a lot. As cliche as it is, you make me so happy. The way your eyes would light up whenever I brought you food after your dance practice, or how the first thing you do when you pick me up after class is to hug me… these things never fail to cheer me up. Your smile has always been a cute characteristic of yours and as much as I hate saying this, I love our height difference as it helped you ruffle my hair easily. You’d always put your chin on my head to piss me off, but lately, it’s doing the opposite of that. Ha, loser. You can never beat me.

(Yeonjun rolls his eyes as he lets out a small laugh. Of course, you’d insult him after complimenting him.)

I’m not going to write too much because I feel like this has gone way much longer than I’ve expected. You might be asking: ‘Why didn’t I confess earlier?’ Well, Choi, I don’t know how you’ll react to this. I could’ve always swallowed my embarrassment and confessed to your face days, weeks, or months ago. But I wasn’t always the bravest out of the both of us, was I? I don’t know whether you like me back, or if we’ll still be friends after this, or if I made things awkward between us. However, I’ll take the chances. (If you do reject me, however, please do it nicely.)

Anyways, you’ll know where to find me 一 that is, if you want to. Before you do anything, however, know that I regret nothing. I definitely do not regret writing this (even if I just added onto your cockiness.) 

Love,

Y/N

P.S. Your charger and Literature textbook are with me so you have no choice but to find me.

Yeonjun glanced at the ceiling in bliss after he finished reading your letter. He glanced at the clock. 4 in the afternoon. At this time, you’d usually just finished practicing in the music room. He has to catch you before you leave. Don’t get him wrong, he loves you, but he is NOT walking to your house after a long day of PE class. 

“Better get going,” he mumbled, making sure he tucks in the chair he was previously sitting on. 

He skipped to the music room, eager to find you. (Not before tripping over his own feet and nearly crashing into Soobin 一 seriously, what was he still doing in school?)

[ayatosmlktea]

best boyfriend series | kirishima

A/N: So there is a list me and the gal pals have compiled of who we think are the best boyfriends in the entire world. I haven’t been in a thirsting mood for so long probably bc im mad ✨depressed✨ so the only thing on my mind is soft boys and how amazing they are. This is the most writing I've done in months but I wrote this for Bri’s birthday a while back and am now sharing them with you bc we could all use some wholesome kiripima 

I wrote these as the thoughts came to my mind so...its not really organized ANYWAY enjoy!

- Your sense of humour and easy going personality is what draws him in even if he doesn’t realize it to be love in the beginning

- Even when he’s training with bakugou his eyes are always searching you out, the way you handle your quirk takes his breath away he just thinks you look so badass in combat

- Every time you ask if he wants to study together his heart starts racing so fast it feels like it’s going to burst out of  his chest and he has to fight back the blush that burns the back of his neck and ears whenever you giggle

- As you and Mina become closer, you start hanging out more with the bakusquad.

- Kiri finds himself getting increasingly distracted by you, he notices every little thing like the way your eyes shine whenever you smile, the way cover your mouth when you laugh which bothers him because the entire world deserves to see how beautifully radiant you look when you’re happy

- He notices the way your body language changes when you’re tired, how your attitude gets a little grumpier when you’re hungry and through learning all of that Kiri steps in to make you whole

- When you’re tired he passes you his notes to copy after class just giving you a knowing smile and ignoring the way his heart flutters when you stare at him like he’s your knight in shining armour

- He doesn’t like the way that Denki and sero playfully flirt with you, it makes him feel weird although he knows he has no right to be jealous so he ignores it

- During your second year you start dating Shinsou and Kiri can feel his world come to a halt, his heart plummets into this stomach but he puts on a fake smile and tells you that he’s happy for you and he hopes Shinsou treats you right

- You don’t seem to notice the way the light in his eyes is gone, how much more time he puts into training now that you’re busy with your new relationship and as bitter and mad as he wants to be he knows you deserve to be happy, even if it isn’t with him so he pushes his feelings down and acts like he isn’t being punched in the gut every time you kiss shinsou and not him

- Your last night in the dorms before summer vacation Kirishima finds himself being woken up by a quick series of knocks on his door

“Denki I told you already pennywise is not under your be-” he stops mid sentence when he finds you outside of his door, sniffling with red rimmed eyes

- He’s barely awake and processing what’s happening as he opens his door wider so you can come inside before one of the teachers catches you out of bed and on the boys side of the dorms

- He can hear that you’ve been crying and are still trying not to when you apologize for waking him up so late but you didn’t know who else to go to and suddenly his entire body is burning with anger when you tell him that Shinsou broke up with you

- He can’t help but let out a broken laugh, Shinsou never deserved your heart in the first place. If he couldn’t see how dedicated you were to the people you loved, how you cared for your friends and put their needs above yours, how incredibly talented and hardworking and beautiful you were then he was the dumbest man alive

- You’re suddenly quiet and Kiri realizes that he’s said all of that outloud and the overwhelming urge to disappear consumes him. He was sure that you were going to get up and walk out and never speak to him again but you don’t

- Instead you ask if he means what he said so quietly he can barely hear it and despite how hot his cheeks are burning with embarrassment he tells you he does

- He stops you when you lean in to kiss him and his heart hurts when he can see the rejection and embarrassment paint your features but he tells you that it’s not because he doesn’t want to kiss you, because of course he wants to, but he doesn’t want to take advantage of your feelings when you’re going through an emotional time

- You two spend the summer hanging out- just as friends, he wants to give you time to get over Shinsou because the last thing he wants is to be your rebound

- But with every day that goes by he finds it harder not to kiss you, not to hold your hand, not to text you every second of the day, not to tell you that he loves you

- The realization that he loves you doesn’t scare him, but it is the first time he admits to himself and accepts it rather than trying to bury it and so after he walks you home and you turn to go into inside he grabs your wrist and pulls you in for a kiss

- It’s not the most coordinated kiss but it sets every nerve in his body on fire and you’re both clinging onto each other like it’s your only lifeline. You break apart with the biggest smiles on your face and in that moment Kiri knows he’s going to spend the rest of his life with you

‧͙⁺˚*·༓☾　　☽༓·*˚⁺‧͙

- Well i wasn’t planning to write all that so now let’s get into WHY he’s the best bf

He’s 100% devoted to you, literally you could be in a room full of fkn models and his eyes would be focused on you because he thinks you’re the most beautiful woman to walk the earth

Any other relationship you’ve had in the past does not even come close in comparison to how Kiri treats you

- He would give up his life to make sure you’re happy, seeing you upset breaks his heart because he cannot stand the sight of you crying. It literally tears a whole in his chest

- If it’s within his power to deal with, he will make sure that whoever hurts you does not make the same mistake again. Maybe its a little unethical to use his pro-hero status to strike fear into the heart of creeps who won’t leave you alone at work, or the girls who enjoy gossiping about your relationship behind your back but he does not give a single fuck

- Your happiness comes before his and if you aren’t happy, he’s not happy.

- If he hears people talking about your relationship and making it seem as though you’re only with him for the fame or money he’ll tear them down with the brightest smile on his face not missing a beat

- While he acts all big and scary fighting villains, when he comes home to you at the end of the day he is the most cuddly person you’ve ever known. It doesn’t matter how exhausted he is, he always grabs you in for a hug and doesn’t let you down until he’s satisfied.

- Kiri is really big on skin to skin contact, expect him to constantly be slipping his hands under your shirt and wrapping his arms around you at the most random times

- When you guys are getting ready to sleep he’ll pull you snug against his chest and bury his face in the nape of your neck,

Your scent helps him fall asleep, not in a creepy way but in a ‘you’re safe and here with me so i can close my eyes knowing that everything is okay’ kind of way.

‧͙⁺˚*·༓☾　　☽༓·*˚⁺‧͙

- In my humble opinion, once kiri catches feelings for you they’ll never fade

- Even if you fight, it only reminds him of everything you two have built together and that you’re worth fighting for

- You hear a lot of your friends complain about how their boyfriends never listen to them, or how they don’t know what they like, you watch them shamelessly flirt with other guys and wonder what it must be like to be in such an unsatisfying relationship

- Kiri knows you better than you know yourself, he’s so in tune with you and your body that you don’t even need to ask him to do anything, he just knows

- He remembers little dates that most boyfriends dont, your first kiss, your first date, the first time he said “i love you” outloud

- He also is the first one to say it and it happens when you’re just hanging out in his room

- He’s known that he’s been in love with you for months but didnt want to say it too soon and have you freak out but after nearly six months in it’s driving him crazy not being able to tell you he loves you

- When he does your eyes glisten with tears and he freaks out thinking that he’s said too soon until you’re crushing him in a hug and tell him that you love him too

- When you’ve had a bad day at work or life is just becoming too stressful for you to deal with he puts everything else on hold to comfort you

- Makes you your favourite meal for dinner, gets your favourite show ready to watch after your shower and massages your feet while you snack on some ice cream for dessert

- Ever since you’d started dating Kiri had a habit of “accidentally” forgetting his hoodies at your place, spraying them with a bit of extra cologne while you were in another room

- He loved it when you wore his clothes, it filled him with a feeling he couldn’t quite describe but it solidified in his mind that you were his

- After almost four years of dating he knows that he can’t spend another second without you being his, forever

- He stays up all night looking at engagement rings but none of them are good enough for you so he does a little more research and finds a place that makes custom rings and has the date the first time he kissed you engraved on the inside of the ring

- He 100% cries the second he sees you walk down the aisle, if he thought you were beautiful before, there’s nothing else that compares to you on your wedding day

-  Everything else drowns out around him and the other thing that matters is you, sliding your rings onto each other fingers and sharing your tearful vows and then you’re pronounced husband and wife and his entire being is elated

- He kisses you with a passion and fervour you’ve never felt before, like he’s pouring his soul into the kiss , every promise he’s ever made and will make and all the things he can’t find the right words to say are transmitted

[stanchonkyman]

☆Fear of Heights☆

☆Stanley Pines x Reader☆

♡Fluff♡

-•☆~~~~☆•-

You had been waiting all day for this moment. It had been a long day at the Mystery Shack. The place had been flooding with customers, just waiting to be scammed by none other than Stanley Pines, better known as Mr. Mystery. Though, that had became part of the fun for everyone in Gravity Falls. You, of course just loved the place. You started working there in the beginning of the summer, meeting Stan, Wendy, Soos, and of course Dipper and Mable. You loved them of course. They felt like family to you by now.

But there was someone who always managed to spark more feeling in you than others.

Stanley Pines.

You stood at the sink and washed your hands of all the grime you gained while working, when you felt a presence behind you. She froze and turned your head slightly. Stan was there meeting your gaze. "Oh-! God- Hey there, Stan." You greeted with a slight sigh if relief. "You really startled me there." Stan laughed at your statement. "Hey. That's what I'm here for." He winked, getting a chuckle out of you. This brought that genuine smile to his face that you always loved. Surprisingly, you were the only ones aside from Mable, and Dipper that could manage to give him that smile. The thought of that always warmed your heart.

"Okayyyy.. well, why exactly were you trying to sneak up on me? Its not like you just wanted to scare me." You urged, giving a playful smirk toward Stan. Though, he kept his little smile and looked to the side. "Well. I actually did have something to ask of you." He said. "Oh? What is it?" You tilted your head with curiosity. "Mable, Dipper and me are going to the carnival tomorrow. How about you come along?" He asked. It felt like fireworks were going off inside you. Finally. Some more time with Stan outside of work. That was always a good time.

"Of course! Sounds fun!" You chirped. "Great. See you tonight at 5." Stan grinned. You nodded. "Perfect." You swung your arms around him in a happy hug. You felt Stan stiffen at your motion. You froze and noticed how forward you could have seemed. But before you could pull away, his arms wrapped around you in return. He relaxed into the hug and laid his head against your shoulder. Your face heated up and you gave a light chuckle, just glad you hadn't upset him with your move. "Well. I'll see you then. Dont have too much fun without me." You released yourself from the hug and sent him a wink before basically flying out the door. "You dont have to tell me twice!" He shouted to you with a wave, followed by a distant chuckle.

Once you got home, you nearly melted into your bed. The amount of joy you felt was indescribable. You quickly got up. You did want to look nice.. Stan was going to be there after all. He may be old, but he certainly has standards. You went and opened up your closet, having yet another spark of joy when you saw all the photos of you and the pines family attached to your door. So, you picked out some jeans and a nice comfortable top. After a moment, you put it on and looked in the mirror. You (S/C) skin looked radiant and your (H/C) strands fell delicately. You made any more adjustments till you felt it was perfect. You shot yourself a smile. "Well, (Y/N). Here we go." You grabbed a bag and slung it over your shoulder before sprinting out the door.

After running along the sidewalk for a while, you saw the carnival out in a field. There were rides and cheesy games with prizes, along with those snack stands with all the crappy fried foods. You hadn't been to a carnival in so long.. you nearly felt like you were a kid once more. The smells and the sounds of laughter really gave you a sense of joy. Of course it would be even better as soon as- "Hey (Y/N)! (Y/N)! Over here!" There it was. Mable called your name and turned and jogged over to the group. "Hey (Y/N)! I'm so glad you could make it!" Mable gushed happily, jumping up and hugging you happily. She had become very fond of you over the summer. Dipper looked up and smiled awkwardly. "Hello (Y/N)." He greeted. You waved back to him happily, then feeling another pair of arms wrap around you from behind.

"Stan! Hi!" You chirped, not even having to look back to know it was him. You recognized that hold anywhere. "Hey there (Y/N). I see you didnt ditch us." He grinned, releasing you from his strong grip. For an oldie, he was pretty strong. And that didn't surprise you in the least. You laughed. "Of course I wouldn't ditch you! Why would I do that? You guys are my best friends." You smiled happily to the three. Earning big smiles from each of them. "Ohhhh!!! Grunkle Stan! (Y/N)! I have an ideaaaaa!" She said through a near squeal. Dipper noticed what she was talking about and immediately recoiled and looked at you and Stan. Stan and you looked at one another then back at Mabel. "What is it?" Stan questioned and you nodded as if wondering the same thing.

"You both should go on the ferris wheel together!! You know, like couples do when they get to the top, then give each other and kiss!" Mabel chirped. Both your and Stans faces erupted in a red color. "Mabel-!" You choked out, covering your mouth. "Theres no way in hell-" Stan was cut off by Mabel. "Why notttttt? Are you scareddddd?" She grinned, holding her arms between her back with a seemingly innocent smile. "Oh boy.." Dipper facepalmed and shook his head slowly. "I-" Stan gritted his teeth. "You.." he looked at you. Then back at Mabel, narrowing his eyes. "I ain't scared. I ain't scared of anything." Suddenly, Stans hand grasped yours tightly, your hand basically be engulfed by his.

Before you could protest, Stan was at the ferris wheel. "Go ahead and get in." He told you. You bit your lip and did so. Stan took a breath and got in beside you. The person working the ferris wheel lowered the bar once your seatbelts were secured. Stan still gripped your hand.. and when the ride jerked to a start, his hand tightened around yours. You winced and bit your lip, carefulling looking at Stan. He looked like he was trying to keep a calm face, but he was sweating a bit. He looked.. nervous or scared? Was he afraid of heights? You weren't sure, but you rubbed his hand softly with your thumb. He looked at you. "You okay...(Y/N)?" He asked in a tone as if he was as trying to sound tough.

"Yes... I'm fine. Are you okay though? You seem stressed.." You said softly, wrapping your free arm around him carefully. The cart rocked, causing Stan to flinch. "Hey, hey. Its okay." You said softly, rubbing his arm gently. "You don't like heights, do you?" You questioned softly. Stan looked at you cautiously, shaking his head slightly. "Alright. That's fine. It doesnt matter how tough you are. We all have fears." You reassured him. He shook his head. "No.. I'm not scared." He said. "Its okay to be vulnerable, Stan." You moved and held both of his hands in yours. "Everything's going to be okay. We're going through this together." You reassured him, holding his hands tightly. Then, the ferris wheel stopped. You looked around and that's when you noticed. You were at the top.

Stan froze in place, keeping his 'tough' face. You could sense the stress radiating off of him. "Stan.." you looked at him and cupped his cheek. He looked at you quickly, subconsciously leaning into your touch. Your cheeks warmed slightly. "I'm right here. You're safe. Just focus on me." You told him, earning a small nod from him. He leaned closer to you. "Stan?" He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. The cart rocked slightly and Stan barely reacted this time. He seemed focused on something else. And that something was you. He leaned his forehead against yours. Your face burned a deep red. You could faintly hear Mabel cheering in the background. Stan gave you a look as if asking for permission. You thought for a second. Then have a soft nod. "As long as it's because you want to.."

Without another word, Stan's lips touched yours, and like that the world seemed to freeze. Everything froze and all you could feel was the man in front of you. You cupped both of his cheeks and closed your eyes, melting into the kiss. His scruff brushed against your skin. His hands tightened around your waist to keep you secured. You rubbed his cheek gently with your thumb. It was soft and loving.. which wasnt something you expected from Stan. You expected it to be rough almost, but not in this moment. Maybe it was the fear or the stress. All traces of tension left his body when he pulled his lips back to take a breath. His forehead rested against yours. "Everythings okay. We survived." He looked up. You both reached the bottom of the ferris wheel.

The bar lifted up and the both of you got up, gripping each others hand as you stepped forward, back to Mabel and Dipper. "OH MY GODDDDD!! I got a new scrapbook moment! Look!" Mabel held up her scrapbook, showing both you and Stan a picture of your guy's kiss. Your face reddened. But Stan merely smiled. "Nice catch, sweetie." He ruffled her hair, earning a happy giggle from her. "Anyways, you both go play around. (Y/N) and me have some fun to have." Stan looked at you a sent a wink your way, causing you to go more red than before. Mabel nodded and grabbed Dippers arm, running off and soon theh dissapeared into the crowd. You looked back at Stan. He grinned at you and pressed a kiss to your cheek. You couldnt help but smile. "So.. does this mean?" You questioned shyly. Stan wrapped his arm around your shoulder. "Take it as you will, toots." He pressed another kiss to your temple. You giggled and laid your head against him. Today was a good day..

[slashingdisneypasta]

Can you do a headcanon where a disney villain get bitten by a werewolf and they experience their first transformation? The villains you can use are Clayton, Professor Ratigan (as a human), Sykes, Judge Claude Frollo, Gaston, and Captain hook. I wish you a lovely day.

Sure thing! Hope these are okay, I got a bit sleepy at the end. You have a wonderful day, too! ^^ 

~~~

Captain Hook:

·         Of all the beasts trying to get a bite of me, it had to be a WEREWOLF!? (By beasts, he refers the Tic Toc, the sea monster, Peter Pan, the lost boys, and all the Darlings)

·         Captain Hook is cursing is deliciousness right now.

·         It’s a whole thing when he gets bitten. He is in such panic, and its all Smee can do to get him to bed all wrapped up! Never mind getting the captain to sleep in this state.

·         He’s already traumatised from getting bitted by Tic Toc! The next couple of days, he’ll be shaking and extra easily frightened. Smee will be the only comforting part of his life.

·         When the full moon eventually comes, our Captain has been so anxious leading up that he didn’t eat. Which makes for a very, very hungry werewolf. Which is never good.

·         (The mermaids are about to learn that they should stay under water on the full moon for the foreseeable future. Especially seeing as Hook will not age and die any time soon)

·         The only good thing about this situation is that Peter is able to distract him (For fun, of course.) all night by dangling himself before the hungry eyes and then zipping off in the air again so Wolf!Hook has to make chase.

·         When Hook wakes up the next morning, he dry heaves. See, the uncontrollable hunger from when he was a werewolf (Since he didnt actually end up getting to eat anything because of Peter) transferred to his human form and he’s so hungry, and also so sick from fear and anxiety that he needs to vomit. The nausea is so terrible it literally leaves his stomach feeling empty but he’s too unwell to eat.

·         Eventually Smee makes him eat some porridge and he starts to calm down…

·         He decides his next transformation will not turn him into this nervous wreck. Not him. Not Captain James Hook.

Clayton:

·         Clayton is pissed when he gets bitten- more from the outrage that an animal hurt him instead of the other way around (I mean, with all of his experience in the field you would imagine he would be able to take care of himself sufficiently). So, he’s furious and wielding his machete (Or better yet a gun) instead of being worried about the wound that is gushing out blood from his arm (He would never let a predator near his middle. He’s too practised in defence - and more notably offense, - to let that happen).

·         Now, he doesn’t realise that what he came in contact with was a werewolf, of course. He just thought it was… I don’t know… just some kind of large, steroid implanted dog.

·         It gets away before he can shoot it. Now he’s pale from blood loss, hair a greasy mess, his muscles are weak and the wound probably has had dirt rubbed in it from the struggle of surviving against a werewolf.

·         So, for the time before his first transformation, he’s very sick and gangrene is creeping around his wound and down his arm. He’s vomiting, he’s got muscle weakness, and theirs a metallic taste stuck in his mouth all the time. A doctor sees to him and says that its expected that he would die from this, seeing as they’re in the middle of nowhere (On whatever expedition he’s on. He’s certainly nowhere near a proper hospital, not that they could have done much more to help then this field surgeon anyway. Although, they might have had anaesthetic) unless he lets them cut off his arm and cauterize it with a branding iron. Of course, he would not let that happen and continues on like a brave (Stupid) soldier.

·         By the time the full moon comes around, he’s already a disgusting, struggling mess. So when he’s tossing and turning in his cot that night- no one there really does anything. He’s just left to struggle.

·         Not that they could have done anything to make his first transformation any easier, or save themselves.

·         Of course, when the next day breaks, Clayton wakes up sprawled on the forest floor with a killer headache, and when he gets up and wonders who the hell carried him out of his tent last night, he finds that he feels… oddly better. Healthier. Pulling up his… torn?… shirt sleeve, he tries to assess his wolf bite... just to find that it isn’t there. Perfectly clear, unscarred flesh stretched over muscle sits there instead. 

·         He’s so confused. Was all that about the beast and his bite, and the nightmare afterwards, just a fever dream? Did he eat something bad out of the forest?  

·         … But then, he finds he still tastes metal on his tongue. A deep taste of iron that Clayton cannot deny is blood.

·         Then he looks around, and his heart plummets (Not because he feels remorse because 1. He doesn’t realise all this mess was him yet, and 2. Clayton? Remorse? Hahaha) to see the nearly unrecognisable bodies on the floor around him and the tents torn to shreds not half as bad.

·         He’s beyond confused, alone, and has a mess to clean up. But he does feel better then he did before the transformation, at least. 

Gaston:

·         Gaston is similar to Clayton. He can take the injury, but he is furious that an animal, a beast, was able to get the drop on him.

·         I think Gaston would have claimed this beast that bit him was a werewolf (Or something along those lines) even if it was just a fox or something. The shame! The shame, of Gaston getting beaten by an animal (Or anything or anyone)!

·         He goes ahead and tells the town that he beat 2 werewolves but the last one got him when his back was turned- and he was so strong that the powers of lycanthropy didn’t work on him! A lie, of course. Because, I mean, he did end up scaring off the wolf after he had been bitten, getting some good hits on the beast as well with his knife, but did he beat the wolf? I don’t think so. And there was only one werewolf. 

·         So when he does turn on the next full moon, he’s mortified and furious… and that transfers into uncontrolled rage in his wolf form.

·         The last thing he remembers when he awakes is the claw marks he left on the wall, through the wallpaper. With his own damn hands. Like a beast.

·         And when he does wake up to his room in disrepair; Wooden chairs ripped away their legs, claw marks on the walls, antler’s ripped from the frames on the wall, scratches along the wooden floor… its just a mess. A huge, monstrous mess, and it shocks Gaston.

·         He literally has nothing to say. He knows if he leaves out his front door, people will ask what the noise was last night (I mean, he’s GASTON. Everyone wants to know about him. He knows this.), and he just doesn’t want to talk. He doesn’t want to explain away a reason, he doesn’t want to make any sort of mouth noises at all; Especially not to anyone.

·         He gathers up his gun and his rucksack and he sneaks out the backdoor and into the forest to do some camping and hide out for a couple days… or a week.

Judge Frollo:

·         Oof, what a thing for a ‘religious’ man like him to become… Maybe he’ll finally admit that he isn’t as pure as he thinks he is.

·         He knows what he’s being hunted by the moment he sees those glowing yellow eyes. He rushes into the cathedral, for safety. As if those pillars and stain glass windows can protect him from what’s coming, as if the cross could.

·         The werewolf just follows him in, and that’s where he attacks. Bites Frollo in the shoulder because he was dumb enough to turn his back on the animal, but luckily the priest of the cathedral hears his screams and comes with silver and scares off the yellow eyed devil- saving Frollo from certain death. He never would have been able to fight off the wolf himself. No one could (Well except Gaston)

·         He feels absolute dread and anxiety up until the full moon. He can feel the monster growing in him, feeling it taking form and taking control of his instincts, ready to strike and take his strength and mind, too. (Whether this is his delusions or a real thing he’s able to feel because he’s so aware, you can decide).

·         It makes him volatile and extra murderous in those days leading up to the full moon. 

·         When he wakes up the morning after the full moon, his limbs are heavy and Frollo just rests head back on the wall he was just able to drag himself to with remaining strength, and he cries. He sobs. He begs God to excuse him, he asks what he did to deserve this.  

Sykes:

·         Ooooh, Sykes would make a great werewolf. He’s huge on a normal day- can you imagine how big he is as a wolf? How vicious? Luckily he’s usually pretty calm. So, he’d make a large, well humoured wolf. He just wants to chew on some shoes and rest.

·         Anyway- the wolf was aggravated by the smell of dog already on Sykes and that’s why he got bitten. He didn’t hunt the creature, didn’t step into his territory, didn’t do anything to purposely aggravate the creature at all like most of the others.

·         Also unlike the others, this werewolf just bites and runs. It doesn't attempt to take Sykes completely down or anything. This is purely a hit and run kind of dealio. Probably because it heard Desoto and Roscoe respond to their Daddy’s pained yell and decided to leave on a high note.

·         Sykes tries to brush it off. Just applies pressure to the wound until he can properly dress it, and then ignore it. He has more important things to do then focus on that huge wolf that bit him. He doesn’t know what it was, he has no trauma’s surrounded the incident, and he’s stressed usually (Being a successful gangster and all), so how he feels leading up to this first full moon since he was bitten isn’t much different from how he usually feels. He’s driving around everywhere, putting the fear of Bill Sykes into people like Fagin, and doing paperwork. He doesn’t even notice the bite in his side unless he stretches, or he showers

·         (Which, by the way, doesn’t occur as often as it should. He’s very busy).

·         When the full moon finally occurs, it’s the one night in like a month that he finally gets to have a rest. So he’s just in his living room, reading a newspaper, eating his dinner, reclining, when he starts to feel an uncomfortable prickling feeling rush up his back like a hot flash. He tries to ignore it…

·         But then he looks at his hand, and its furry. And then the claws start to break through his skin and he’s in horrible pain and of course terror for about a minute before his eyes change and he loses human consciousness.

·         The next day, he wakes up with sore gums and an aching jaw, and as he sits up from the odd position of being half on the floor with his chin on the bed, rubbing his throbbing jaw, he sees various pairs of his shoes, chair legs detached from the chairs, and… doorknobs? On the floor around him? They all have dents and scrapes all over them as if a dog (A huuuuuge, stroooong dog) came along and had the time it its life chewing on them.

Human!Professor Ratigan:

·         Ratigan is, obviously, a smart man. But he didn’t see this coming. How could he? He’s a man of science. He got himself home, disinfected and dressed his wound / s and thinks that’ll be the end of it. Apart from, possibly, some mental scarring, but luckily- he is also a trained psychological practitioner! He can handle this.

·         But of course, that’s not how this goes.

·         On the first full moon after the attack, he starts to feel… symptoms. He wonder’s if he’s getting sick, or if he neglected to disinfect his bite properly but- no. No way would he make a mistake like that. His wound is securely taped all the time, so even if he had missed out on disinfecting it one day after a shower or something, how could it be infected?? Its very unlikely. So, then, where is this sweating and general irritation coming from? He’s not usually an even-tempered man, but this is becoming… concerning. Even for him.

·         Like I said, he’s a man of science, but when a little after he retires early for the evening, fur starts to prickle up and all over his skin, he finds he’s able to figure it out just before he loses consciousness.

·         Lycanthropy.

·         That was a werewolf that bit him.

·         He has to do somethin-

·         When he wakes up in the morning, puffing out the experience and rage of the beast inside him, he starts by standing motionless in the shower that’s so hot his skin goes pink, but he can’t feel it- he’s too lost in his thoughts. Analysing everything, trying to remember what he did, asking himself if he can weaponize this with any accuracy (Like find out how extract the venom and inject it into Basil), calculating how this can be possible... trying to just figure out how to fix it because this will absolutely not do.

[astralaffairs]

freedom of the press 05.1 | thomas jefferson

title: freedom of the press 05.1, or the aftermath

pairing: thomas jefferson x reader

words: ~9k

warnings: partial nudity, though it likely isn’t what you're expecting. copious amounts of teasing, and just a touch of financial hardship. i lowkey adore the last scene, but 05 doesn’t reach its highest point of steamy until pt. 2

desc: the 2020 republican presidential frontrunner is an obnoxious, morally bankrupt people-pleaser, but what happens when you become the person he’s most eager to please?

tags: @stargazelaurens @ivory-haired-queens @exoticxchicken8 @assbuttstyles777 @superbarriobrothers @distinguishedpotsticker @fukaaaaaaaa @hereforthepsyche-assessment @ivetoldamillionlies @fangirl570 @thealaddinkid @lasciviouspeach @snazzydoesthings @shy-and-awkward-daveed @rachelhermionerose @soft-weeb-s @gryffinclxw @anamrnk @daveeddiggsit @ayayayayana @marinovakovich @cryinghazelnutt @thefandomgirl03 @a-hopeless-fan @cloudywlw @tinywhim @lolidunnoaboutnow  — hope i didnt miss anyone; lmk if you want to be added!!

SUNDAY, 9 AM

Y/N AWOKE TO sun streaming through her windows, and she rolled over with a groan as the bright glare reflected off the snow and into her bedroom. She curled further into the covers, pulled them tighter around herself, shifting underneath the arm that still lay slung over her torso. It took her a minute to process anything being out of place, but as the sleepy haze faded from her mind, her eyes fluttering open to the mid-morning light, she slowly began to realize.

The man beside her shifted with a grumble. Y/N could feel her breath catch as the previous night’s memories hit her like a train, and she looked up at him to confirm she hadn’t dreamt it – but there he was. She’d made her bed, both in the literal sense and the figurative, and there she was, laying in it. Pulling closer to him was unconscious; she’d begun by then to drown in retrospection.

As her gaze, glassy and unfocused, fell to his (notably bare) torso, he inhaled deeply. She didn’t immediately process the rise and fall of his chest as he yawned lightly. As he finally began to wake up, reaching up to rub his eye as he stretched, he squinted down at her, both she and he looking equally drowsy. Her eyes had snapped shut upon realizing he was awake, and with a groggy hum, he absentmindedly pulled her closer, an arm wrapped around her waist. When she tensed against his skin, though, he raised an eyebrow, and she finally looked up at him, her smile timid despite her state of affairs. A grin broke through his tired features.

“Mornin’, sweetheart.”

SUNDAY, 9 PM; TWO WEEKS EARLIER

Y/N HAD ARRIVED home from her short run in Detroit expecting to be met with celebration and relaxation. She knew that moderating the debates, becoming that publicly visible, would do wonders for her career. The final night of the trip was the furthest thing from her mind – even throughout the flight back, articles were being written covering the questions she had asked, her name was popping up associated with the debates all over the Internet. She couldn’t pretend not to be pleased with the effect on her Twitter following.

Her intent had been to engage further with the work she had done when she was out of town. Though she knew she had her weekend off, she figured it’d be good for her to debrief on everything that had happened, everything she could build on going forward.

However, when she arrived home, she was met with one simple announcement: Angelica was moving out.

Obviously, it wasn’t quite as simple as that.

Angelica was engaged, her long-time boyfriend John Church now turned fiancé. Y/N was thrilled for her, and she was reduced nearly to tears when Angelica asked her to be her maid of honor, and Y/N, in turn, insisted on taking her dress shopping. Alex and Eliza had been over for the announcement as well, as they and Y/N hung onto Angelica’s every word as she recounted how John had proposed, getting on one knee after making her a romantic dinner.

"This is honestly the best thing I could’ve come home to,” Y/N gushed, and Angelica let out a soft ‘aw,’ her hand enveloping her friend’s on the couch.

The night really had been a celebration; the drinks didn’t stop until Alex realized he still needed to drive home and Eliza realized she couldn’t drink while pregnant. They’d learned that final tidbit not two weeks earlier.

“We’re glad to have you back.” Alex grinned, and she looked back at him with sentimentality heavy in her gaze. “Especially after you spent the end of the week dragging Republicans through the mud? We’re proud of you.”

Angelica and Eliza laughed while Y/N just rolled her eyes. “I didn’t 'drag anyone through the mud,’ Alexander,” she huffed, but his entertainment only grew.

“Yeah? Tell that to Jefferson.”

She did a poor job hiding her smile. (It’d really ended up closer to a roll in the hay, but that was just semantics.)

“Tonight really is a celebration all around, isn’t it?” Eliza looked proud of her as she raised her grape-juice glass in Y/N’s honor – she’d cut herself off after half a drink, ever the responsible mother.

“I’ll drink to that,” Angelica agreed, nudging Y/N in the side, whose expression had become coy. Alex raised a glass.

“To the next stages in our lives?”

“To weddings and babies!” Eliza grinned. “And dismantling corrupt politics.” Y/N couldn’t help her light laugh at her friend’s declaration, and they all drank without hesitation.

However, the implication was much more than just a celebration.

Everything was changing, for better and for worse – Angelica was engaged, which meant she would be moving in with her fiancé, thus leaving Y/N without a roommate.

When Y/N brought up the move, trying to stamp down her own ulterior motive and selfish curiosity, Angelica seemed to sense her anxiety at that one glaring fact. “I don’t have to move out of here right away, of course. I don’t wanna leave you on your own, or–”

“Oh, no way I’m gonna hold you back from moving in with your future husband,” Y/N said. “I’m self-sufficient; I’ll find a place easy.” She didn’t have to mention what they both knew: she couldn’t afford to stay there without Angelica helping with the bills.

“I know, sweetie.” Her smile was maternal as she placed her hand over Y/N’s. “Would you let me pay next month’s rent, though? I mean, I’m still a tenant–”

“Angelica,” Y/N began, giving her a warning look. “No chance. You know how much I appreciate you… well, spotting me some of my half of our monthly bills, but I can’t let you do that once you aren’t living here. Move out. You deserve it.”

“And where are you gonna go?” Angelica raised an eyebrow, and Y/N shrugged, nonchalant.

“We’re in DC; there are empty apartments everywhere. I should be able to afford a studio somewhere around here, right?” Angelica, Eliza, and Alex looked skeptical at that. Y/N made decent money at the Washington Post, but with her student debt, her savings were in shambles.

She huffed as she realized the looks they shared. “Or I’ll find a roommate. I’ll just crash with another friend until I find somewhere with a down payment I can afford.”

Angelica sighed. “What if I just helped you with the deposit on another place around here?”

“No, Ang,” she insisted with a huff. Her stare was deadpanned, her tone flat. However, Angelica didn’t seem to be near acquiescing.

“And why not?” She frowned as she pulled a leg up on the couch, hugging it and resting her head on her knee. “It really doesn’t make a dent. It’s family money.”

“But I need to pay this off for myself.” Angelica furrowed her brow, and Y/N could only huff. “You’ll never know what it’s like to have grown up without money, and I’m glad you didn’t, but this is bigger than just a bill. I love you for being willing to support me, but I can’t let you.” She set her drink down as she shifted to face Angelica. “I have to be able to pay my own rent. I’m not gonna let myself be dependent on you, or feel like I owe you–”

“You wouldn’t owe me anthing!” Angelica protested, but Y/N gave her a hard look.

“But I’d feel like I did. I need to support myself.”

“Okay, honey.” Angelica again reached for her hand, running her thumb over her friend’s knuckles. “If you really need money, though, you could pick up some shifts at Mira and Orlando’s diner. You know they’d always have you.”

She sighed. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just always feel bad asking them for work.”

“It’s not charity, Y/N, it’s a job. They need the help anyway.” Angelica shrugged, and Y/N pursed her lips. It was a serious consideration; she knew they’d give her the job part-time, she already knew how to do it, and it’d be easy money. She’d worked at the old couple’s diner sporadically since coming to D.C., primarily when she needed rent money right after she made the move. Besides, it was pleasant work around them.

“I dunno… I just don’t wanna let them think I can’t support myself, that I need their help with my finances.”

“And how do you expect to handle your finances without work? That’s kinda how market economies work.” Alex looked unimpressed as he interjected, and though she shot him a weak glare, Y/N couldn’t argue.

His tone was firm, but Y/N’s hesitance was far from unwarranted. Mira and Orlando were her godparents, and they had lived near Y/N and her family in her hometown when she was growing up. Them living and running a hole-in-the-wall family diner in D.C. was a happy coincidence. They’d functioned as parents for Y/N for a number of years, though, and she knew they’d worry if they thought she was struggling to make ends meet. They didn’t need any more stress in their lives.

When she didn’t answer, Angelica continued, and though her voice was quiet, her tone was firm. “Hey. They’re understaffed, and they absolutely adore you. They’ll always want your help.”

“I dunno.” Y/N’s stare was fixed on the floor before her as the silence grew, and she couldn’t bring herself to meet any of their eyes. She’d end up going to her godparents for work, almost undoubtedly, but none of them could do anything more about the guilt that was strung across Y/N’s shoulders like a yoke. They couldn’t keep her from trying to carry the weight of the world with her.

It was Eliza who finally broke the pause, eyes bright. “Come stay with us!” she offered, and Y/N couldn’t help but grin at her generosity. She glanced at Alex, and he shrugged, nodded along, and her smile was warm as she shook her head lightly.

“You both know I can’t accept that. You have a toddler and another baby on the way; the last thing you need is a houseguest.”

Alex scoffed. “Whatever. You’re family. Family takes care of family, Y/N.”

His words went straight to her heart, but she really couldn’t impose like that. She bit her lip before replying, “Alex, it means the world to me that you’d offer. Really. But that’s not fair to you or your pregnant wife.”

He held her gaze for a moment, but clearly sensing her determination, he pursed his lips. “Will you at least let us all help find you a place?”

She gave him a soft smile, though wry amusement seeped into it. “Happen to know any wealthy heirs you can marry me off to? I’m flexible.”

Alex rolled his eyes as Eliza laughed, though he didn’t hide his grin. “Why? So you can go with them to their creepy manors until they die of unexplainable causes?”

She scoffed. “Obviously we’ll go on a cruise for our honeymoon where a tragic accident will befall him, making me the sole beneficiary of his will.”

“What was I thinking?” Alex’s tone reeked of sarcasm, and he shook his head at her before pausing, seeming as though a thought had struck him. “Actually, though, I might have a suggestion.”

“You do know a rich, elderly property-owner?”

“Take out elderly and you’re set.” He shrugged. “Lafayette’s roommate–”

He didn’t get any further, though, as Y/N groaned. “Really? Lafayette is your big idea? You want him to die in a mysterious accident?”

Alex just rolled his eyes. “I’m not offering him up for you to gold-dig. His roommate just moved out, though, and he hasn’t started looking for another one.”

“Do you think I could afford to be Lafayette’s roommate?” Disbelief hung heavy in her tone.

“Maybe not, but I’m sure he’d be happy to let you stay with him until you can find a place.” He shrugged, giving a small smile. “You and him are friends, right?”

Her mind immediately jumped to one specific botched Twitter interaction. Right then, he wasn’t exactly at the top of the list of people she’d like to live with. “… Sort of.”

“Great!” His smile grew with that, taking her words for much more than he knew they were. She rolled her eyes. “C'mon, he has an empty bedroom from his roommate and an open guest bedroom. He has enough space and then some.”

Y/N’s eyebrows shot up. “Geez, you sure he doesn’t live in some kind of mansion?”

“Might be a penthouse.” She fixed Alex with a skeptical stare, and he had the audacity to grin. “What? I told you he was wealthy. Besides, that’s perfect for you, isn’t it?”

She pursed her lips, considering her options as she absentmindedly rubbed her right shoulder, an arm crossed over her body as she shrunk back. She certainly didn’t have a better idea. “You really think he’d be okay with it?”

“Of course,” Alex reassured her, before raising a teasing brow. “Besides, he seemed to take a bit of a liking to you at the state dinner, at least from where I was sitting. I can’t imagine he’d object to getting you alone for a few days.”

“Alex,” she groaned dramatically, leaning back onto the couch in exaggerated exhaustion. “I am not about to barter sex for a place to stay.”

“I’d never suggest such a thing,” he scoffed, though his gaze drifted down to the spot where her shoulder met her neck, where Y/N’s hand had been moments ago, just above her collarbone. He furrowed his brow before his gaze jumped back to hers. “Though, if that hickey is any indication, you’re not exactly sexually inactive.”

Y/N’s eyes widened in horror; her hand jumped immediately to the offending area. She’d set her concealer so well; she had been sure it wasn’t visible, but it seemed she’d gradually rubbed the makeup off of it.

Angelica gasped as though scandalized, and Eliza turned to her with wide eyes. “Y/N? Who have you been getting it on with in Detroit?” Angelica grinned after a moment, though, eyes shining with amusement. Y/N’s face had to be burning by then. “James Madison been a little too frisky?”

“Angelica.” She looked to her with annoyance, her teeth gritted.  She swallowed, trying to keep her throat from drying out. “How many times do I have to tell you–”

“With how embarrassed she looks, it has to have been one of the Republicans, right?” Alex cocked his head to the side, considering her. They’d functionally cut her out of the conversation as they discussed her liaison, and Alex’s grin looked overly self-satisfied, in her opinion. “So, if it wasn’t Madison, then who? Hm? Henry Clay? Chuck Schumer–?”

“Come on,” Y/N moaned. Much of her resistance came from the fact that they were dangerously close to the truth -- not that it mattered, as Alex was ignoring it anyway. “It was just some guy at the hotel; it’s not a big deal.”

“Pence?” Alex pressed, entirely undeterred. He gasped, pressing a hand to his heart as though scandalized. “Jefferson?”

Y/N was glaring daggers into his playful gaze. He was joking – of course, he was – but that didn’t stop the panic from rising in her throat, the burning at the tips of her ears. Thankfully, Angelica scoffed, apparently finding the idea too ridiculous to even entertain.

“Alex, don’t be silly,” Eliza interjected, putting a hand on his forearm. Her kind gaze had fallen to Y/N, who hoped dearly she was going to put an end to his taunting. That was before the impish smile spread across her lips. “Y/N would never get with a Republican. She’s too attached too her politics.”

“Oh?” The look in her eyes had Y/N skeptical.

“Of course.” Eliza nodded reasonably. “So it would’ve had to have been Lafayette.”

Y/N’s groan was even louder that time, before Angelica and Alex had a chance to chime in.

“Is that why you don’t want to be his roommate?” Angelica gasped. “Was it that bad?”

“Or was it just so good you wouldn’t be able to control yourself around him?” Alex wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Y/N deadpanned. “C'mon, Y/N, you can tell us.”

“I didn’t fuck Lafayette!” she protested, but they didn’t seem ready to drop it.

“Then why not ask to be his roommate, hm?” Alex appeared to have claimed victory.

“Because I can’t–”

“Really,” Angelica interrupted her before she could protest. “It’d be a great place to stay, so if you two weren’t going at it, why wouldn’t you go for the offer?”

“And if you weren’t in–”

“Okay, enough.” Y/N cut Alex off with a huff. She wasn’t angry so much as flustered, try as she might to appear to be the former. By then, she was desperate to shift their focus from her sex life. “Will me agreeing to crash at Lafayette’s apartment get you off my back?”

She paused, if only for dramatic effect as her gaze flickered between her friends. “Then fine. Ask him. But don’t blame me when he’s not jumping at the idea of taking in a squatter.”

Alex looked annoyingly smug. “I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.”

----------------------------------------

Predictably, Lafayette was more than happy to have her stay with him. He’d never had an aversion to houseguests, but he’d be bluffing if he tried to claim he hadn’t taken a liking to her.

However, she knew it could only be temporary – couch-surfing across the District of Columbia, unfortunately, wasn’t a sustainable plan. She’d spent hours digging through her financials for some saving grace, but she came up with nothing. Perhaps a wealthy distant relative would die soon and she’d be given all of the inheritance as their only living descendant? Certainly seemed possible. Now just to sign up for Ancestry.com, and–

“How much do we have left?”

Her eyebrows shot up as she glanced back at Lafayette over her shoulder, cutting her musings short. She tucked the folder she was leafing through discreetly into the side of the cardboard box before her, careful to hide its label; she wasn’t proud of being caught with her nose buried into her old tax returns, trying to determine how feasible fraud or extortion might be.

Though he had been doing more work than Angelica and Y/N combined, Lafayette seemed to be the only one not exhausted. He stood in the doorway, hands on his hips and his expression bright as Y/N and Angelica packed up some of their final loose ends.

“Not much,” Y/N told him. “Just need to get everything else into these last couple boxes, and we’re golden.”

The three of them had spent the past few afternoons gutting her apartment of anything that wasn’t part of the building, so she wouldn’t be starting from scratch when she found a place. Initially, Y/N had commissioned Angelica to help her with the move, but when Lafayette heard through Alex that they’d intended to spend the next couple days on it, he absolutely insisted that they’d need his assistance.

“Is zere anything else I can do?” He continued into the room, eyebrows raised, and Y/N pursed her lips.

“Turn down the thermostat?” she asked. “We don’t need to be charged for another day of heating, no matter how cold it is out.” (They were in the midst of a blizzard, but to each their own.) “Besides, it’s too damn hot in here.” She huffed as she tugged at the hem of her turtleneck, and Angelica looked at her knowingly.

“Well maybe if you hadn’t needed to choose such a…” She paused, eyes settling somewhere around Y/N’s shoulder. “…strategic outfit, you wouldn’t be having any problem.”

Y/N’s hand instinctively flew up to cover the spot, despite knowing it was hidden under a solid inch of nappy wool, and Angelica grinned, self-content shining in her eyes. Y/N scowled as her friend mockingly fanned herself, pulling at the collar of her own shirt.

“Ang,” she warned. “Not the time.”

“What? Don’t want Lafayette to find out your dirty little secret?” Angelica teased, and Lafayette raised an eyebrow, his curiosity immediately piqued.

“Oh?” Lafayette’s gaze settled on the neck of her sweater, and Y/N glared at Angelica. She hardly stifled her snickering. Lafayette raised an inquisitive eyebrow, though as a grin split through his face, his gaze turned teasing. Angelica’s insinuation unfortunately wasn’t hard to follow. “Wearing zat because you 'ave something to hide?”

“Not you, too,” Y/N whined, and he laughed.

“Mmh, I don’t recall you having any problems with zis when we were in Detroit, chérie.” He folded his arms, expectant. “How 'ave you managed to go and get yourself into trouble this quickly?”

“Hang on,” Angelica cut in before she could respond. “She came back from Detroit with a hickey, though.”

“Impossible. I saw 'er ze last night there.” Lafayette furrowed his brow, and they both turned to Y/N for an explanation. “What, exactly, 'appened between ze final night of debates and when you left in ze morning?”

“It was just some guy from the hotel.” Y/N huffed. It was a half-truth, ultimately, which also made it her default response. “Stop making such a big deal out of it.”

“'Some guy from ze hotel’, hm?” Lafayette appeared wholly skeptical. He hesitated, considering his next words very carefully, before continuing. “You know, you never did tell me what 'appened with what I sent you on Twitter.”

Her eyes widened a fraction of an inch. There was no way he’d caught on that quickly.

“No correlation, Lafayette,” she said, her jaw tense. She couldn’t believe he’d actually connected the dots that quickly.

Yes, his Twitter conversation with Thomas about her had been earlier on the final day, and yes, everyone involved with the debates was lodged in the same hotel, but it seemed like a flimsy premise.

“Maybe not.” He shrugged. “But I am allowed to be curious about whether you ever… spoke to him.” His eyes again traveled to her neck with his last three words, and she glared. Angelica looked positively baffled.

That was when it hit her. It was her conversation with Thomas the night prior that had raised Lafayette’s suspicions. He’d already been wondering what about the state dinner had Thomas so pressed, and the confirmation about exactly how Y/N had spent her final night in Detroit all but spelled it out.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lafayette.” Y/N’s tone was final as she shut down his less-than-subtle speculation, even though Angelica and Lafayette shared a skeptical look. Neither of them was oblivious to the fact that there was something she wasn’t telling them. “I left the building long before him after the debates. Now can we please finish packing before they charge me another month’s rent?”

“Of course.” Lafayette’s tone was again light, having transitioned back to his cheerful self without missing a beat. The smile he wore then was slightly more knowing, however, and his gaze more calculating. He glanced at the floor around them. “So, which boxes need to be taken out, now?”

Y/N deadpanned. “All of them, Lafayette.”

----------------------------

Y/N didn’t have much luck finding a place from the comfort of Lafayette’s oversized, imported-leather sofa. Unfortunately for her, all the boxes she needed to check for a studio apartment seemed to be perfectly out of line with one another.

She wasn’t worried about the size. She didn’t have much; she didn’t need much space. Give her a place for a kitchen, a bed, and a toilet (ideally, a sink as well), and she was all set. So with that, price shouldn’t have been a terrible issue – she was flexible.

However, she couldn’t find a cheap studio apartment that didn’t have one ridiculously major pitfall. If it was close to work, the bathroom floor was beginning to cave in beneath her feet and the ceiling was leaking. If it was structurally sound, it was drowning in rats. If it was clean, none of the pipes worked. Her ideal didn’t seem to exist.

She ultimately had to swallow her pride, though she couldn’t help but choke on it in the process. Despite her resistance, she’d took Angelica’s advice to work at her godparents’ diner, but everything was a trade-off. Her second source of income meant spending less time on her real career – no more unpaid overtime, no more events off-the-clock, no more pouring hours into research every evening.

Her boss was happy to strike a compromise, to her delight. She’d do dramatically fewer of them, and events would be on the clock. However, she’d be obligated to cover every event that Ashley assigned her.

The lack of flexibility felt like a small price to pay. The next afternoon, it meant that Y/N didn’t have to attend another local Republican primary town hall, which meant another day that she could avoid confronting what’d happened in Michigan. (However, that meant she was being sent to a Jefferson campaign fundraiser just days later, but you can’t win them all.)

Instead, she took that time to go job-searching, which manifested itself strikingly similarly to Y/N begging her godmother for shifts.

“Mija, do you need money? You know you don’t have to be shy; you can ask us for it.” Y/N had shown up after her hours at the WaPo, and Mira pulled her by the elbow into the kitchen almost the moment she’d begun talking. She looked at Y/N with concern in her eyes, and Y/N sighed. This was exactly what’d caused her hesitance in the first place.

“Mira, I love you, but I can’t accept that.”

Mira furrowed her brow, tossed her dishrag over her shoulder before folding her arms. “And why not. Hm? You need it!”

“I know you only want the best for me, but I won’t just take your money. Let me work for it, okay?” What they both knew went unsaid – it’d stretch them thinner than thin to give Y/N any money, let alone enough to pay off her debts. “I’ve worked here before, more than once. I already know what I’m doing, so you won’t even have to train me. Just let me pick up some shifts?”

Though she pursed her lips, Mira refrained from arguing. It would be to little avail. “Fine. If it means having you around more often, it’ll be done gladly.” Mira put on an adoring pout, reaching up to try to pinch one of Y/N’s cheeks, who deflected it with a sigh that didn’t hold even the facade of exhaustion. “You don’t come around enough! We miss you, mija.”

“You’re too much, you know that?”

“And what’s wrong with that, hm?” Mira winked, a grin working its way onto her face, before she nodded toward the diner’s counter through the kitchen window. “I gotta go back to our customers, though. Talk to Jac about shifts, okay?”

“Sounds great.”

Mira pulled her in for a hug, kissed her on the forehead before leaving. (She had to pull Y/N down to reach her head.) “You know you can always come to us if you need help. Always.”

Y/N’s smile softened. “I know, Mira.”

“Good.” She held her gaze just a moment longer, squeezed Y/N’s hand, before she finally turned, leaving Y/N to look for Jac.

Jac – short for Jacinto, but none of their grade-school friends really tried to pronounce it, and the nickname had stuck – was Mira’s son. He was a year older than Y/N, and they’d grown up as siblings in every way but literally before they both moved to DC within months of one another. So when she spotted him over toward the front of the kitchen slicing a ham, she didn’t hesitate to go over and greet him, smile wide.

He jumped when she elbowed him to get his attention, letting out a yelp. He turned to see her, eyes wide, and he sighed. “Do you make a hobby of trying to get my thumbs cut off?”

She shrugged, feigning innocence. “I dunno what you’re talking about. I’d never put you in danger.”

“You pushed me while I had my hand in a meat slicer.”

“You put you in danger when you put your hand in a meat slicer.”

He scowled, though they both knew his annoyance wasn’t in earnest as he focused his attention back on his task. “What are you here for, anyway? If you want dinner, you’re not exempt from the line.”

“I need work.”

That got his attention. “You do?” His eyes were wide, and she shifted her weight where she stood, not eager to own up to her financial trouble. “What for? Aren’t you still doing great with the Washington Post? I saw you on TV last week.”

“You’ve been watching me?” She put a hand over her heart, playing up how touched she was by his attention, and he just rolled his eyes. “Aww, Jac, I knew you cared.”

“Answer the question.”

A beat passed. “I need a second job,” Y/N finally admitted, and he raised an eyebrow. “I just need another source of income. I’m drowning in student debt, and I need to build up some savings.” It was mainly true. She didn’t want to bring up her situation with rent, though; it’d just worry them more.

He pursed his lips, concern for her not leaving his gaze. “When are you available to work?”

“Any day after 5 PM, and I can almost always free up my full Saturday and Sunday.”

He nodded. “And what’d you when you worked here before?”

“Baking, usually.” His expression didn’t change for a moment, and she quickly added, “I also worked as a cashier and a barista from time to time, so if you need–”

“Relax, Y/N, you aren’t up for review.” Jac chuckled, wiping his hands on an old rag. She raised her eyebrows. “If you want work, it’s yours. Mira just has me in charge of the schedule, so I need to figure out when to give you shifts.”

“I’m flexible,” she added, and he gave her an amused smile.

“I know.” He went to the sink to wash his hands, in front of the kitchen window. “Would you be able to close up on weeknights? I mean, I feel like we can trust you not to rob the diner blind, and Mira and Orlando are too old to be working that late, so it’s me doing it every evening.”

“Yeah, absolutely.” She glanced out the window at the packed restaurant. “Is it always this busy?”

“Every lunch and dinner,” he confirmed with a nod. “They all clear outta here by about eight, though, so from then until nine, you’re just left watching the stragglers leave.”

She didn’t answer, eyeing the crowd before her. The diner really did do good business; the tables by the front window were packed to an impressive density, and she couldn’t figure out whether they were all there to eat together. (Surely that’s too many for one group at a table, right?)

A younger couple moved out of the space, and she immediately saw clear as day exactly why they were all crowded right there. Her breath caught.

There stood Thomas Jefferson, laughing, shaking hands, taking pictures, signing autographs. He was even handing out buttons. Y/N raised her eyebrows. Wasn’t he supposed to be at a townhall right then for the primaries?

“Jac,” she hissed, keeping her voice low as though Thomas would ever be able to hear her from there. Jac raised an eyebrow. “Is he allowed to just be… campaigning from the back of the room? Doesn’t he need some kind of permit to be handing things out?”

When Jac saw the crowd Y/N was staring at, he couldn’t help but laugh. “Listen, I know he’s not exactly your favorite person. I’ve read your writing–”

“You’ve read my writing?” she asked in disbelief, wearing a small smile as she pretended to be touched. He ignored it.

“–And I know you won’t exactly be lining up at the polls to vote for him, but he’s been a regular here for a couple of months, now, and Mom’s gotten attached. He’s not gonna get kicked out.”

All the while, her skeptical gaze stayed firmly fixed on his little posse, and when he looked up – she should’ve expected the result, really; he was facing the window she was looking out of – just a moment later, he locked eyes with Y/N from across the room.

Her eyes widened, but he seemed more surprised than she was. They both froze, hardly for a second, before he raised his eyebrow, his familiar (though unusually small) lopsided grin adorning his lips, and folded his arms across his chest – what a coincidence. His teasing front had taken root in seconds, but from that distance, Y/N was sure she was imagining the warmth of his gaze.

She blinked hard, as though she could’ve imagined him being there at all, staring back at her. He seemed detached from his immediate surroundings as she nodded to him in wary greeting. She had his focus for the time being.

After a moment, though, he appeared to have chuckled, shaking his head. When her gaze again met his rather pleased one, he gave her quite a pointed look as he brushed his thumb over the base of his neck, cocked his head to the side as though in curiosity. Her eyebrows shot up. It would’ve looked to anyone else like he’d simply smoothed out his collar, but she knew better.

She had to remind herself to keep breathing. His point was clear, his gaze expectant as she tried to hide her shame, reaching up to shift the neck of her shirt over the persistent hickey. All day at the office, her blazer had covered it, so when she left, she’d forgotten it would be exposed.

His smile seemed to grow as she reddened, and while she scowled, he held her gaze just a moment longer, before he sent her a sly wink. When he turned back to those around him, her interaction seemed to have heightened the flair in his demeanor, his persona suddenly exaggerated.

She didn’t realize that Jac had watched the whole interaction – he didn’t make the connection with the hickey, thank God, but the silent challenge had raised a number of questions.

“What was that?” he asked bluntly, and Y/N all but jumped, having nearly forgotten where she was.

Her eyebrows shot up. “What?”

“What do you think?” He cast a meaningful glance out the window at Thomas before looking skeptically at Y/N. “You know him a little better than you’re letting on?”

“Of course not,” Y/N scoffed. “I’ve just interviewed him a couple times. We’re acquainted. Don’t make it into a thing.”

“…Right.” He didn’t press further as heat rose to her cheeks.

She cleared her throat. “Anyway, about that schedule?”

---------------------------------

Despite her lack of success in house-hunting, Y/N adjusted easily to life at Lafayette’s. He was a gracious host, and just being there gave her access to more space, food, and alpaca-fur throws than she’d ever need.

She’d just finished showering on that Saturday afternoon while Lafayette was out at the store. They’d run out of something or other – she wasn’t keeping close track. All his food was a cut above what she usually ate, so she wasn’t about to make demands.

She yawned as she stepped out of the bathroom, wearing just a towel wrapped around herself; she knew she’d be alone in the loft for at least the next hour. She padded down Lafayette’s hardwood hall, intending to get the turtleneck (that was seeing more and more use) from the laundry before she went to change. However, it seemed she hadn’t heard the door to the apartment open over the sound of the running water sometime within the last twenty minutes.

It was after she’d retrieved her shirt that she realized it. Her room was on the other end of the loft from the room she’d elected to shower in. (It was an inconvenience she was winning to undergo – the master bathroom had a sauna, an oversized vanity mirror and a shower stall nearly larger than her bed).

She hummed absentmindedly to herself as she emerged into the also-oversized main room, but when she did, she stopped in her tracks, let out a squeak of surprise.

There, standing frozen less than a yard from her, was the bane of… well, her month, maybe. To call him the bane of her existence felt too harsh. His eyes must have been wider than hers, though she looked mortified as she stumbled backward toward the couch. “Thomas?!”

He hadn’t moved an inch from where he stood, facing her with shock in the open path that split the kitchen and the living room. “Y/N?

She sounded like she’d just had the wind knocked out of her as she asked, "What the hell are you doing here?”

“I have a lunch meeting with Lafayette,” he said simply as his gaze began to trail down her form suspiciously. Looking her in the eye, he cocked an eyebrow. “What are you doin’ here?”

“I’m staying here.” She nervously pulled her towel tighter around herself as his eyebrows shot up. His gaze was humorless – a rare sight, considering what she’d found to be his baseline.

“You’re stayin’ here?” he repeated in disbelief, and she nodded, feeling defensive. Again, his gaze drifted lower. “Is it just a one-night thing, or are you and Lafayette… ?”

She let out a short huff, almost a laugh in her shock. The implication was obvious. “Excuse me?”

“You’ll have to forgive me for assumin’.” Seeing her reaction, the offense he’d inadvertently provoked, he couldn’t help the small smile twisting his lips. She rolled her eyes as he slowly grew amused.

“It’s neither.” She scowled, skin feeling like it was on fire. The situation – the amount of specifically visible skin that felt like it was on fire – combined with his speculation had her feeling borderline humiliated. She shifted her towel further up her chest.

Thomas raised a teasing eyebrow. “Really, sweetheart?”

“Don’t call me that.” She glared up at him, in no mood for his clowning, and he chuckled.

“What, is that reserved for Laf?” he teased, and when she rolled her eyes, adjusting the towel she held around her, he laughed outright. “Aw, don’t take offense, I’m only–”

“You’re only joking,” Y/N finished for him, appearing unamused, though heat still settled in the back of her neck and the tips of her ears. “Yeah, I’ve heard this one before.”

His grin widened. “C'mon, don’t freeze me out.”

She ignored his response entirely. “Anyway, I’m just here as a houseguest. It’s all temporary; I’m kind of between apartments right now.” She hated that she felt like she had to explain herself, but she knew how it looked – her, walking into Lafayette’s living room hardly covered, and as far as Thomas knew, Lafayette couldn’t have been far.

“What typa houseguest?” That was as far as he decided to push it, though, snickering as Y/N’s glare burned into him. She shifted on her feet, uncomfortable as he eyed her before him, anxiety betraying her anger, and his gaze settled on the little mark on her neck she’d forgotten about in her temporary panic. Her eyes widened; he wasn’t about to ignore it.

He met her eyes once again, though his shone with a satisfaction she couldn’t prevent. “You know I’m only kidding,” he started, tongue in cheek as he tried to contain his amusement, and she looked at him in disbelief. “After all, if you were sleepin’ with Lafayette, you’d have a lot more than just one hickey, sweetheart.”

She groaned loudly at his words, her reaction making him laugh outright as she pinched the bridge of her nose, and while he looked unspeakably smug, she wasn’t entertained. Her skin still felt hot; she elected to believe it was from the shower she’d just left. “Alright, I’m gonna go change. Lafayette is still at the store, so he’s gonna be a little late to your meeting.”

Y/N began to walk off before he could say another word, but as she reached the opposite hallway, he called after her, the sound of his voice making her pause. She didn’t have the good sense to cut him off, which she began to regret the moment she could hear his cheeky smile in his tone. “Can’t complain, with this kinda company in the meantime.”

She slammed her door behind her, but its sound didn’t drown out his laugh.

She stood there idle for a moment, trying to gather her bearings and conjure up the strength to deal with him until Lafayette came back. She would’ve just stayed cooped up in there for the rest of the afternoon, waiting Thomas out, and she knew it would’ve worked – to her knowledge, he wasn’t that much of a pervert – but it was just before noon, and all she’d had that morning was a granola bar and a black coffee.

Y/N considered her options as she pulled on actual clothes, including the turtleneck she’d retrieved from the dryer. (She didn’t need any more comments.) Some part of her was simply desperate to avoid the awkwardness, or otherwise just her own discomfort, and instead wanted to burrow into her sheets and stream reality TV, but as she was about to give the thought precedence, her stomach growled in protest. She checked her phone. Lafayette had given no indication of when he’d be back.

Grudgingly, she returned to the kitchen, deciding that avoiding Thomas wasn’t quite worth her harrowing famine.

“Missed me already?”

She immediately second-guessed her decision, however. She paused in the hall, taking a deep breath to calm herself despite his raised eyebrow, his expectant smile, and she continued, keeping the Tupperware of Lafayette’s homemade pasta at the forefront of her mind.

“Missed Lafayette’s pantry,” she corrected, refusing to look him in the eye.

“Guess I’m just an added perk.”

She huffed out a sarcastic laugh as she opened the refrigerator, scanning the shelves for the chicken alfredo she had her heart set on. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

“Never.”

She pursed her lips to hide what was becoming a soft smile, unironically that time – but she didn’t have to for long. After another moment of searching, she realized the Holy Grail of pasta leftovers was gone, apparently having been eaten in less than the past twenty-four hours, and she groaned, shutting the fridge and leaning against its door.

“What’s wrong?” She turned around to see Thomas sitting in one of the chairs Lafayette had stationed beside the kitchen’s island. He quirked an eyebrow.

“You wouldn’t understand.” She sighed dramatically, turning instead to the freezer to withdraw her plan B.

“Oh?” He looked thoroughly entertained at her theatrics, clearly not buying a moment of it. Y/N nodded, folding her arms.

“My pasta leftovers are gone.”

He snorted. “Oh, the horror.”

“Don’t you mock me!” She huffed as she dug through his food, bending down to withdraw everything she’d need for her second-choice lunch. “Now I have to eat old fries.”

“A true tragedy.”

“I’m glad you agree.”

He grinned at how matter-of-fact she sounded as she pulled out pre-packaged fries, and he leaned forward onto the counter, resting on his elbows. “Any chance I can get some water?”

She turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “It’s not my kitchen; do what you want.” She tipped the plastic bag into a bowl until it was just overflowing (the fact that they were smiley fries instantly improved her mood) before popping it in the microwave. However, when she reached up to grab a glass for herself, she pulled two down without thinking, filling them both.

When she turned back to him holding both cups of water, his smile was soft, but the moment she raised an eyebrow at him, a grin split through.

“I like the sweater,” he commented mildly, and she paused where she stood, giving him a dead stare. She stood there a moment as he bit back a laugh, before she turned.

“Nope. You’re not getting the water. Good try, though. I’m pouring it out.” She shook her head as she started walking back toward the sink, though she had to swallow the amusement that threatened to rise.

“Hey, c'mon!” he laughed, and Y/N glanced back at him over her shoulder. She raised an eyebrow. “Sweetheart.”

“Thomas.”

“Have some mercy,” he pleaded. He gave her a hopeful smile, eyebrows raised. “Would it help if I mentioned that I was just teasin’?”

A beat passed, and she didn’t move an inch. Ultimately, though, she scoffed as she turned back to him, caving with little resistance. He grinned when she slid him the second glass, though she rolled her eyes at his antics. “Y'know, you can only use that excuse so many times, Jefferson.”

“Seems to be working for me so far.” She leaned on the counter across from him, and he asked. “So why’re you livin’ with Lafayette?”

He looked inquisitively at Y/N as he took a sip of water, and she sighed. “Just… got into a bit of a bind with rent at my old place. Couldn’t have kept paying, so either I had to move out or they were gonna evict me.” She shrugged, looking down. “I’m just here until I can find somewhere I can afford.”

While most of the U.S. was no stranger to vanishing savings and student debt, Y/N had a feeling that Thomas was part of the small minority with no experience in the particular field. From what she knew of him, he’d been born into money and then proceeded to stay in it, so he wasn’t the first person she’d have chosen to admit her financial struggles to.

Still, when she looked up, he wore a small frown, apparently concerned. “’M sorry to hear that.” His voice was quiet, and she let out a dry laugh at the unexpected shift in his demeanor.

“Thanks, Thomas.”

He seemed to take the surprise in her tone as skepticism, and he pursed his lips. “Really, I am.”

She took a sip of her water, shaking her head in light amusement, but when he finally caught her eyes, her gaze was soft.

“I know.”

She held his stare another moment before she sighed, rolling her shoulders back and plastering on a smile. “Anyway, I’m in the lap of luxury until I find a new place, so I suppose I can’t complain.”

“You talkin’ about the penthouse or me?” Thomas didn’t miss a beat before in restoring his playful smile, and despite herself, Y/N laughed.

“Can’t it be both?” She quirked a brow, and he seemed pleasantly surprised at her response.

“You comin’ onto me?” he asked, incredulous, and she rolled her eyes – she’d dropped her front of annoyance by then, however. He sighed, giving her a contrived look of pity. “Oh, sweetheart, I hope I didn’t give you the wrong idea.”

“Shut up!” she scoffed, shoving his arm from across the counter, but his grin in response was contagious.

“I dunno, Y/N. I might have to report you to HR.” He raised his hands as though to claim defense. Her amusement didn’t subside.

“I’m sorry, did I cross a line?” she mocked him, and he cocked a brow.

“If this was crossing a line, then what was Detroit?”

Her breath hitched. The question caught her entirely off guard, her playful air giving way for her anxiety to take over. The traces of a grin still on his lips were the only remaining sign of his teasing demeanor, but despite them, she could see in his eyes that poking fun at her wasn’t the aim behind the question.

Really, what was Detroit?

She took a deep breath, not breaking his gaze. She didn’t have an answer for him – at least, not the sort of answer she knew he was looking for. She gave a small smile and raised an eyebrow, her voice quiet when she replied, “An HR scandal?”

Despite his small smile, he was searching her expression, looking for anything that might shed light on her ambiguity. He sighed, and neither looked away.

He looked like he was going to press the matter, and her pulse began to pick up, but she was saved by the bell. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, the front door opened.

“Y/N?”

They heard Lafayette before she saw him, and despite the mundanity of the scene he’d come home to, Y/N couldn’t help but feel like a deer in headlights.

“Hey, Laf.” Her voice was hesitant as he turned to lock the door behind him, balancing his paper bag of groceries on his knee.

He turned to the pair of them with a bright smile, pausing only a moment when he saw Thomas seated at the counter. He furrowed his brow. It wasn’t a second later when he appeared to be struck by realization, and he sighed, eyes wide as he walked over to put the groceries on the counter.

“Ah, Thomas, was today our lunch meeting?” The words were less of a question than an admission. “I am so sorry; I put it down on my calendar for ze wrong afternoon. I am still available, if you are not too angry after my being zis late?”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” He shrugged. Anything pensive about his demeanor had seemingly been pushed down when he saw Lafayette. He flashed him a carefree grin. “Didn’t have anything else to do today.”

He hummed in acknowledgment, though he still appeared apologetic. “You are too forgiving.”

It was then that he reached the kitchen to put away the food he’d bought, and he glanced over his shoulder, looked between Thomas and Y/N where she leaned over the counter toward him. He turned back to the pantry to hide the grin Y/N knew he wore. “Although, I am sure Y/N was very…” He met her gaze, eyes narrowed, and she wore a warning stare. “…accommodating. Non?”

He didn’t think Thomas could see it as he sent Y/N a sharp wink, but he wasn’t quite as sly as he’d like to believe. Y/N scowled. All three of them knew his words suggested more than their surface implied.

Thomas was grinning, however. While Y/N’s face was burning, he seemed wholly amused. “'Course, Laf. She’s been nothin’ if not hospitable.”

She looked over at him with dead eyes, and his smile just seemed to broaden.

“I am glad to hear it.” Lafayette raised an eyebrow at Y/N as he finally rejoined the pair, eyes shining. “Maybe I do not 'ave to feel so guilty about being late, hm?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, pushed herself off the counter to retrieve her long-forgotten fries from the microwave. “Don’t you two have a meeting to get to?”

“Of course, chérie.” The charm in his smile was contrived. “Let me go get my notes from my study?”

The words were directed at Thomas, who shrugged amiably. “Meet you back down here.” However, the moment Lafayette left, he leaned on his elbows over the counter, tongue in cheek, and raised an eyebrow at Y/N. “Any idea why Lafayette’s actin’ like he knows somethin’ I don’t, sweetheart?”

He looked unbelievably smug, though he raised his eyebrows with feigned innocence, and Y/N glared. “No clue.”

Though she left the room in a huff, she couldn’t help the smile that persisted for the next hour.

-------------------------------------

Y/N sent: you showed up late on purpose didn’t you

By that point, it’d been just over three hours since Thomas had arrived, and for Y/N, having to write yet another article about him hadn’t proved to be much of a distraction. Unable to stop fixating on the afternoon’s events, she ultimately texted Lafayette, not bothering to sugarcoat the accusation.

Lafayette sent: what do you mean? i would never stand someone up

Lafayette sent: i hope you are not accusing me of having ulterior motives. i am a principled man.

Y/N rolled her eyes at that.

Y/N sent: convenient timing for you to decide we needed a second backup gallon of milk

Lafayette sent: i am just trying to keep my houseguest well provided for

Lafayette sent: how ungrateful

Y/N sent: and what, exactly, were you trying to provide today??

Lafayette sent: i have no idea what you are talking about. it was just a gallon of milk.

Lafayette sent: however, in completely unrelated news that has nothing to do with today, you should not ignore it when opportunity knocks

Lafayette sent: or when he rings the doorbell, i suppose

Y/N sent: he let himself in. feels like breaking and entering.

Lafayette sent: even less work for you

Lafayette sent: i try to be helpful when i can

Y/N sent: we have very different ideas of help

Lafayette sent: you don’t have to interpret something as a gift for it to be one

Y/N sent: was the gift the complete lack of pasta you bought to replace mine??

Lafayette sent: i think you know the answer

She did, of course, but his words also had her thinking. Lafayette obviously saw himself as having done her a favor, but really, Y/N had to ask herself: did she see it as a gift? It was an unfortunately nerve-wracking half hour. It was one of only three times she’d ever been alone with him, and the first since Michigan.

Was it really a gift, or had he actually set her a trap?

She threw her phone onto the bed with a huff.

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

Arrival Redo

OKAY SO

VARIANS INITAL ARRIVAL WAS STUPID

SO

THAT DIDNT HAPPEN

THIS HAPPENED INSTEAD

ANY QUESTIONS?NO?GOOD-

HERE

Im not tagging anyone okay-

just-

here

Yes I took inspiration from several fanfictions that I liked

please don't hate me

***

Varian looked down at the ground as he walked. Papers gathered in his arms, lost in thought. Rapunzel had tasked him with making the Dungeon more hospitable for prisoners, after he told her how terrible it was down there.

Being the Royal Engineer, he didn’t have the right to refuse, but he hated working on the project. He only needed to be down there for reference point, he wasn’t the one who would be carrying out the designs (thank god), but every second he was down there was like a weight pressing down on his chest. He constantly felt like he was stuck, like he wouldn’t be able to leave, and this place would be the last he would see. Not to mention the prisoners themselves. One in particular had been making the task nearly unbearable. He tried to ignore him, but the man knew exactly how to get under his skin...

He hadn’t told Rapunzel about his discomfort. It wasn’t up to him to decide which jobs he did and didn’t take on. And she’d been busy lately anyway, even though it’d been months since Zhan Tiri’s attack, they were still rebuilding. The pressure had only increased when her parents announced that they would be retiring soon, and Rapunzel would become queen.

Varian let out a breath, it’s okay, he could do this. He’d survived prison, attempted murder, all kinds of crazy magic, kidnapping, and a demon attack. He could survive this project. Besides, it wa-

Voices cut into his thoughts. Varian paused, looking to his left at a door that was slightly ajar. He weighed his options for a moment, before curiosity got the better of him. He moved to stand next to the door, leaning in to hear what the people inside were saying.

“-ust don’t know what to do, Nigel!” Varian recognized that voice as Rapunzel’s. She sounded frustrated.

“Your majesty, you already know my opinion on the matter.” Nigel’s nasally voice sounded from inside.

“I am not firing him! He’s the best person for the job and you know it! I-I just... he seems so stressed lately, and I don’t know how to help...”

“well, I’m not quite sure how to help with that, but, there is the matter of the letters.”

“We’ve already talked about the letters.”

“Princess, with all due respect, we can’t just ignore them.”

“Yes, we can! Just because a few citizens are upset that, doesn’t mean I’m going to change something that doesn’t need changing! And I want you to make sure that Varian doesn’t hear a single word about them!”

“Your highness, I-“

Varian had heard enough. He stepped into the room. “That I don’t hear a single word about what?”

Rapunzel looked up at her, eyes wide. She was unable to find words.

“The matters of the Princess are none of your concern.” Nigel said with undisguised dislike for the teen in front of him.

“They are if they involve me.” Varian said, crossing his arms.

“Varian I...” Rapunzel started “I-I can’t tell you, but trust me when I say that you’re better off not knowing.”

“Great, so now you’re keeping things from me. Rapunzel, what is this about? What are the letters?”

“I...” she looked away, biting her lip. “...Varian, please...”

“You’re still not going to tell me?! They’re about me, aren’t they?”

Rapunzel looked away, and Varian felt his face heat in anger. He clenched his fists. “Fine! Fine, you’re not going to tell me, that’s fine.”

He turned, moving to storm towards the door.

“Varian-“ Rapunzel tried

“I’ll be in my lab.” He snapped, before slamming the door behind him.

***

Varian sat at a table at his workbench, leaned back and staring at the ceiling, letting the anger wash over him. Yes, he was being unreasonable, but he was sick and tired of being treated like a child, having things be kept from him simply because whomever was in question felt like he couldn’t handle it. Having one of the only people in the world he genuinely trusted do it...

The raccoon curled up on his chest chittered next to him, pressing his furry head into Varian’s cheek in an attempt to comfort him. The fuming boy took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself, raising a gloved hand to scratch the ring-tailed bandit behind the ears. Ruddiger made a sound akin to purring in reply.

His lab was nice, to his tastes at least. It was messy, but it helped add to the personality. It’d been gifted to him along with the position of Royal Engineer.

Varian looked up at the sound of the door opening. He’d been expecting Rapunzel, and was surprised when he was met with Nigel instead. Ruddiger moved to curl around Varian’s shoulder’s protectively, narrowing his eyes at the man. The man looked around the cluttered room, distain and disgust easily visible on his face. There was a stack of paper clutched in his hand.

“What do you want?” Varian asked less than politely. He really wasn’t in the mood to bother with protocol.

Nigel moved his eyes to the teen in the chair with distaste. “You wanted to know what was in the letters, so here they are.”

He tossed the stack of papers the the ground next to Varian’s chair. Varian looked from the papers to him, puzzled.

“Wha-“

“If I’m being honest, I agree with every word they say. And, frankly I think a mutt you should follow their advice.” He turned, moving back towards the door. He paused at the doorway, looking back with his eyes narrowed and lips pulled back in a sneer. “By the way, you aren’t fooling anyone with your little drag show, young lady.”

He closed the door before Varian could spit a scathing comment. Ruddiger hissed at the closed door, tail swishing. Varian closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. This wasn’t the first time someone had purposely misgendered him. It shouldn’t effect him this much.

After a moment, he mulled over the first insult he’d used... “mutt” It left a foul taste in his mouth... dehumanizing. He guess it came from the fact that his parents had both been refugees, he wasn’t even Coronian... or, at least not in most people’s eyes. But he’d been born and raised here. To say that he was belonging to any other kingdom would feel wrong. It didn’t matter anyway. He took a deep breath and stood, walking over to the pile of paper.

Ruddiger’s ears flattened against his head, letting out an anxious trill. He pawed at Varian’s face, but Varian ignored him, looking down at the paper at the top of the stack.

“Princess Rapunzel,

As a Citizen, I have stood by all your decisions as Princess and temporary queen except for one. Your decision to pardon two of the kingdom’s most dangerous criminals is something I cannot possibly fathom. At least Cassandra has left the kingdom, but to keep the traitor Varian on staff? It’s honestly horrifying to me and several others. A dangerous criminal like him should be locked in prison or dead, kept away from yourself and your people, not gifted with a position so high in rank. I sincerely hope you take my words into account.

Wishing for the best,

A troubled citizen.”

Varian knew he should stop. He knew that nothing good could come from reading more, but he pressed on, flipping the page and reading the next.

“Varian,”

That was odd. It was addressed to him, why hadn’t he received it? Was the Princess Reading his mail?

“I don’t know what you’ve done to the royal family. Whether you’ve bewitched them or used some kind of mind game, I want you to know that you don’t have everyone fooled. If I were you, I’d turn yourself in or jump off Corona bridge before people discover your true intentions. Lord knows you deserve it after what you’ve done. We’re watching you.“

Varian pressed on. Some were signed, some weren’t (although very few had names attached), some addressed to himself, some to the Princess, a handful were even addressed to the king or queen. Some (he ones that Varian assumed were from old Corona), addressed him by his old name and called him a witch. But, despite the differing methods of explaining it, they all had the same idea; Varian was  a dangerous criminal and shouldn’t be working at the castle.

When he’d finally finished reading, he sat there, numb. He closed his eyes, swallowing. He understood now why the Princess hadn’t wanted to show him. Despite acknowledging the Princess’s reasoning behind her actions, he didn’t regret reading them. Now he knew how people perceived him, now he knew that he had to be more careful.

Shakily, the ravenette stood, raising Ruddiger from where he’d been curled around Varian’s shoulders and placing him on his work chair. The small mammal trilled in worry for his human, tail swishing behind him. Varian gave his friend a small smile. (it was fake, of course, but Varian had become very skilled at making them look convincing as of late)

“It’s okay, buddy, I’m alright. I just need a minute alone... I’m going to take a walk...”

The raccoon reluctantly curled into a ball, still looking up at his human with concern as he turned, grabbed the backpack he kept with himself at all times when going out, and walked towards the door

The castle was relatively quiet, most people who usually resides here were out enjoying the beautiful day. Light filtered through the stained glass windows built into the wall. Varian had never re-adjusted to the light level of the capital. It was nicknamed the kingdom of the sun for a reason, but after the crushing darkness of the dungeon beneath his feet, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to take the brightness for granted again.

As he stepped out into the courtyard, several guards waved at him. He nervously waved back, anxiety bubbling in his chest at the sight of the uniform they wore. Eugene had given it a name... what was it? Fear of authority? That sounded right... strangely enough, Eugene was the only person in uniform that he wasn’t scared of.

He made his way through the capital, people around him going about their business. Their reactions to him were diverse, some smiled and waved, some sent glares his way, some ignored him completely. Varian kept his eyes fixed on the ground, trying to make himself small.

Eventually, he made it outside the main city. He walked across the bridge, keeping one hand on the railing. He paused in the center, eyes lingering on where he’d stood only a few months ago, looking down at the water as his form shook, trying to force himself to move forward.

He shook himself out of the memory, he was in a better place now. Sure, he still had the occasional depressive episode or panic attack, but he had been doing great considering all that had happened to him.

He stepped off the bridge, pausing a moment to decide whether he should keep going along the path or walk through the forest. He decided that the latter would be more interesting and started walking slightly to the left.

Because of Varian’s tendency to spend hours or even days locked in his room and his fascination with technology, one could guess that he wasn’t a nature person. But, in reality, the opposite was true. Varian was quite fond of the outdoors and of nature itself. He’d always been better with animals than he was with people, and a walk through the forest had always been his second favorite way to calm himself down (the first being alchemy, but even the idea itself was tiring to him at the moment). He sighed, closing his eyes and letting the sounds and feelings of the forest wash over him.

He wasn’t upset. The people who wrote the letters were justified on their feelings. He’d attacked the kingdom, tried to kill its leaders, been sent to prison, escaped with a Saporian terrorist, and taken over the kingdom. Then, in what must have seemed like the blink of an eye to them, Rapunzel had returned, completely pardoned him for everything he’d done, and been rewarded with a position of high honor. No wonder they were suspicious of him.

No, he wasn’t upset that multiple of them had told him to kill himself, or that he should be back in the prison he now hated with every fiber of his being.

He definitely wasn’t.

As for Rapunzel, he wasn’t angry at her. He knew her. She could be scarily protective when she needed to be, and she saw it as her duty to keep Varian safe. Emotionally and physically. He had no right to be angry that she’d read his mail, kept something as big as this from him, and still hadn’t fired that good-for-nothing advisor.

Since his recovery, he’d learned to keep all negative emotions under lock and key. Especially anger, now that he knew how quickly it could spiral out of control. So he knew that that definitely wasn’t what he was feeling as he walked deeper and deeper into the thickening trees.

It was precisely thirteen seconds after the teen decided that he was under no circumstances angry at Corona, its people, or its Princess, that he found himself falling.

[will-i-everape-my-despair]

my life

okay where to begin  when i was young or when i wasnt?

alright ill start from the beggining 

it wasnt a great life

well not ideal anyways 

when i was born i almost died, my mother was diagnosed with post natal depression in spain, yeah i was born there ....when having to move to australia because spain isnt good with that sorta support .......my dad said he would come 

he lied

he cheated on my mother and decided to marry someone else, meanwhile my mother braught her one and only daughter with her, me 

i loved my mother because everyone else didnt like me , or atleast because of my mental contition they thaught i wasnt worth anything , i became dependent , and knew a world where you wernt huged nor kissed often, you had to grow up fast or youll be left behind .....mum helped of course but .....idk i wasnt an easy child to take care of , i didnt understand most things like love, respect ect i.....i dint understand emotions , she had to teach me to emote and to sleep, at least thats what she said 

when i first moved it was an expierience but , from then on my scheduales got stricter and my mother would get violent for no reason i thaught , i didnt uunderstand why she got so mad , i wasnt the best child but i never knew why

she hit me pulled my hair blackmailed me berated me ABUSED me 

and yet 

i still loved her , because when all you are taught was despair .......how can you see it as bad?,

expecialy when the world was against you 

======

i moved schools , into a new area  it was fun....i was scared at first ....and it was also my first taste of hope  i prefferred school over home  why? well....my family aint the best  i was often the scapegoat for my cousins actions , which just made the family hate us more ......except my grandparents  i was either sheltered , or mum just didnt have time to teach me idk  but my aunties not my mother would take care of me....when i was very very sick .....mum had to work 

from here it gets fuzzy 

i only remember a few things , when i was sick being forced to go to school, we never celebrated halloween like ever , i didnt do my homework because i would weasel out of it , and for the longest time i felt well.....sick .....inside or outside no idea i thaught is was depression, mum asked me why i feel like that and said then i dont have it 

====

we moved again 

more like we got kicked out 

and then

from there

mum only got

WORSE

we moved into someone named tonys house .....he was....to put it simply, a piece of shit , how mum fell in love is BEYOND me  he....liked to make mum mad....and sick her on me by running out of the house  from here ........i developed insomnia , my pillow was more full of tears than dreams , and tbh i had horrible nightmares , when i told mum she didnt look concerned.....well her eyes never showed it not that i knew ......i was .....always medicated but .......this was new i felt 

lost broken void emotionless empty expecialy after my cousin made me his little prostitute

still i was expected to work, my hair that used to shine like gold in the sun....lost all of it and my hair started turning white , i have more grey hairs than the average teen my sparkle was long gone....and i hid myself in the world of my mind and technology, eye baggs were visible and i dint do anything heh kinda like now.....i went to tutoring....i avoided work like the plauge  around this time however mum told me about her old faith....Jehovas Witness  i was sure why not  i at first ....it seemed so lovely  and i actively participated at this point i was in high school ... the family was in conflict...and school wasnt much better  then came....the dreaded ......scrunchie incident did i mention i was never left alone at home? because i was in highschool and still going to day care well i made friends in this little toddlers day care and well...i was invited to a party.....i just had a shower and lost the scrunchie i always wore and still do wear mum became enraged pulling my ears my hair making me hyperventilate ...i might of died no idea thank god abuello saved me  after a while of tonys bs, and becoming completely dead inside i....we moved again  i was still a JW but then......i became less trustfull of anything and anyone ....i looked at it .....and saw how condtradictory it was  i saw how bad the school system really was .....the more i searched on the net the more i learnt .....and the more i learnt the more i knew...

something was WRONG 

then last year in yr 10 maths......is the devil...expecaily the advanced stuff ....lets just say school wasnt safe anymore and math class made me pass out due to stress mum would hit me over homework, or throw my books in fits of rage then told me its YOUR FAULT i do this , YOUR FAULT that im breaking jehovas laws! and i actualy faught back after she nearly bashed my head in ..........i .....the iron my grandma died two years ago

english class wasnt too bad, but this one asssignment mum re wrote the whole thing ..........because “it didnt make sense “  i told her to shove it and not to be infolved in my work anymore

 i hate school the***pists ......i was overwhelmed......and at the end of the year i ......broke.....BAD....i told all my fellow classmates everything i had experienced........................to come home.....get called by my mother......and get yelled at .....over the phone.....for telling the truth......not because she was scared for me.....but because of her reputation.....she yelled at me and berated me.....i was still breaking and in a flash a thaught  one single thing “would anyone care if i died?” “if i died would mum be happy and free from me” “maybe i should go im a waste”  

i grabbed a knife  held it to my chest and couldnt do it  i thaught of my family, my friends and how they might feel

only to get berating texts and yelled at by my auntie  

then......yr 11 poped up  and the acedemic sprang into place  ....mum and i ......dont ....arent.....we arent compatible i found out after this  it was online work....my ADHD ass couldnt DO that....and what was worse my alters made themselves KNOWN ha  ha hahaha HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA killer kit my mother with a bottle and she whined of how i could of killed her....i distrusted him after that  i cried in the kitchen...laughing like a phycho  ... .................. ............................ and they were very distracting towards my work....which is what CAUSED that in the first place  term 2  well i found a friend group on line  they are angles  really they are 

tbh before yr 11 i was a bit better  but now i had well ALOT of appointments that i dint want  that didnt help  and the kids ......liked making me scared  term three is now  my grandpa died i finnaly cut myself off the JW  i told mum how i felt , the truth like she WANTED  she told me im spinning things that im abusive that shes a servant  i know i dont do much.....but my boddy is broken....i dont have motivation  and this place keeps me sane  and  alive one more year in the chambers of despair  and when that year is up the frail angel that lost her wings will be given the power  to soar to hope once again 

[comradekatara]

the comics need to stop adding new convoluted plotpoints that dont make sense, and instead write a self-contained story with an A-plot, a B-plot, and a C-plot that all connect somehow. a quest narrative of sorts where they’re all split up and each on their own separate missions that force them to solve their internal conflicts, while also furthering the narrative thematically both in terms of the tensions established in the subplots and in the narrative thread running throughout. this is like, basic separate-but-together quest narrative 101, but. yknow.

here are some hypothetical suggestions for these subplots:

first option

A-plot: aang and azula are forced to work together in the heart of the swamp. azula feels shame as she is all alone with aang and must actually confront him, so she retaliates by being cruel to aang and insulting his intelligence. aang is never not nice to her, insistent that she’d like him if she got to know him––but that’s what she’s afraid of. the stress of the swamp causes her to nearly break down completely again, but she forces herself to persevere through it, snarky remarks as her coping mechanism. aang repeatedly saves her life from the swamp, which she finds she can neither outwit nor bend her way out of. instead, she must embrace the entropy, and through aang’s wisdom, she begins to find a sense of inner peace. she starts to admit that she has a lot to learn from him, though that still hurts to think about. they don’t leave as friends, exactly, but they’re getting there.

B-plot: sokka, katara, and zuko are sent to the north pole for [x plot device], where they are all forced to confront their pasts. though they are on a diplomatic mission, it doesn’t take much for them to all get sidetracked. katara grows furious when she sees that absolutely no progress has been made in regard to women’s rights, and she yells a lot, at yue’s dumb patriarchal dad, at pakku, and at sokka and zuko for trying to help (she doesn’t need their man opinions trying to speak over her!!!!!! zuko’s just like, “i literally didnt say anything.........”) and eventually she rallies the women of the tribe and basically incites an entire feminist movement. upon seeing yue’s dad again, sokka is forced to confront memories he tries his hardest to bury deep. now that he finally has time to breathe, he lets himself acknowledge his guilt complex when it comes to protecting people. and zuko is given a second chance to amend his “that’s rough buddy” into actual, genuine emotional support. meanwhile, the north pole is stirring bad memories for zuko, but for other reasons. he must confront his guilt over all the dumb shit he did when he was 16; he must acknowledge how this was a turning point in his life, when he teetered on the edge of life and death just to fulfill his goal of capturing the avatar; when he watched zhao die. he never had the opportunity to confront that properly. he gets to now, and katara and sokka are there with him. sidenote: i think their dynamic makes for an excellent trio by virtue of them all being a third wheel. anyway they get the macguffin that symbolically represents their emotional journey. no i dont know what said macguffin is what am i a writer (jk its probably a mirror)

C-plot: toph, suki, mai, and ty lee complete their side of the quest without breaking a sweat. the four of them? together? please. they’re unstoppable. but they soon realize this, and decide that if they’re going to be given the opportunity to hang out just the four of them, they’re going to do it right. so occasionally, from aang & azula’s internal-tension-filled plot, and sokka katara & zuko’s swelling emotions plot, we just see toph, suki, mai, & ty lee fucking shit up and having a blast. we don’t see everything that they get up to, though a lot is alluded to, and it sounds cool as hell. they conclude their adventure with the realization that maybe they’re too powerful, and they should be more responsible with that power. but then toph’s like ............nah, and they all shrug and nod.

second option

A-plot: sokka, toph, and azula are on a boat. why are they on a boat? idk. reasons. anyway, toph does not like boats, and she very loudly affirms this at least once a page. though not so secretly she feels a lot safer than she otherwise would because sokka is there. azula also doesn’t like that they’re on a boat. she feels trapped. and she knows that even though they likely won’t, sokka and toph could take her down at any time, regardless of the fact that toph is unsteady, she’s on a ship made of metal, and azula’s not going anywhere. sokka doesn’t have a problem with boats. he grew up using boats all the time. he’s built boats. but he also really wishes katara were here, because without her, unfortunately, the tides do control this ship. a bunch of pirates try to take control, and practically obliterate the rest of their crew, and they all have to use their own unique brand of ingenuity to save the others. azula comes to respect them even more, and they her. sokka and toph already respect each other a hell of a lot, but i guess they exceed maximum respect levels cause that’s how cool the other thinks they are (and they’d be right!) and they forge a genuine friendship with azula for the ages, which sokka was previously highly skeptical of, but.... she’s nice now. somewhat. she’s mellowed out a bit, even if she’s still incredibly high-strung and weird. but who is he to judge? ‘cause hey, at the end of the day, they make a great team.

B-plot: aang is given an important Mission, and he’s ready to go in alone. after all, katara is busy, sokka is busy, toph is busy, zuko is busy. but suki offers her services, and she and ty lee flank him on his Journey. aang realizes that even though suki’s a part of their group, he doesn’t really know her at all. so he decides he’s going to learn. he asks about her past, her upbringing, her plans for the future. he asks the same about ty lee. we see flashbacks to all three of their childhoods, and what motivated them to become who they are today. aang was just a carefree kid, and he shied away from any type of responsibility; now, he’s carrying the entire world on his shoulders. even though she looked exactly the same as all her sisters, or maybe because of it, ty lee always felt like an outsider in her family. it’s clear that underneath their picture-perfect facade of upper-middle class stability that her father insisted they project, there was a deep strain on all of them, and the cracks seeped through. ty lee always felt like it was her job to mediate, and she soon learned to manipulate people into being satisfied with what they had, instead of what they wanted. but one day, she realized, it wasn’t her job to be that person in an environment where she already felt alien, so she ran off to join the circus. only when azula resurfaced in her life did she have to adopt her facade again, out of survival. and suki was raised by wolves. (ok i’m kidding––or am i––but tbh her backstory deserves a post of its own so..) anyway, aang ends up learning a lot about two people he never made any prior attempts to befriend, and learns about himself along the way. go team! 

C-plot: zuko is forced to act as a mediator between mai and katara, who both find the other teeth-grindingly offputting. zuko really just wants to focus on Doing The Thing because the fact that the Thing has not been Done is stressing him out. but mai and katara clearly have issues between them that are in need of solving, and zuko cares about them both very much, so it’s hard for him to see them snipe at each other all the time. especially because he keeps getting dragged further and further into their arguments, to the point where they’re basically just arguing over who has more of a claim to him. mai says they used to date, katara’s like, “yeah for 2 months and it sucked what’s your point,” and katara’s like “he jumped in front of lightning for me,” but mai’s just like “he would do that for a stray cat whats your point.” zuko’s just like “listen. i would die for both of you. but if you don’t shut up i’ll kill you myself.” ultimately, the Conflict is Resolved, and in the most climactic moment, katara saves mai’s life. mai is grateful, and has enough humility to acknowledge this. katara’s like, “of course. i’d do anything for my friends.” and they still don’t like each other but the animosity has quelled considerably. and then they realize that they may have absolutely nothing in common, but they can still bond over making fun of zuko. the whole way back they swap stories about him being a Fucking Nerd, and zuko’s just like, “i’ve made a huge mistake.” 

third option

A-plot: aang, zuko, azula, and ty lee are somehow tasked with a Plot-Relevant Burden, and shit gets real. these four people have so much baggage among each other that while they all insist to put their feelings away for the sake of the mission, tension bubbles to the surface anyway, and zuko and azula all but get in a row. aang and ty lee bond over having to be the mediators, while also acknowledging the harm azula caused both of them. they all get trapped in a Magical Cave of Logic Puzzles (fuck it its a comic idk) that they must solve before they can pass. aang and azula are both isolated, but their monologue is external because of course they both talk to themselves. aang considers it a fun game, azula is determined to crush this cave just like she obliterates all her enemies. zuko and ty lee meanwhile, are trapped together, but neither of them have any idea what’s going on in this wack cave. they eventually talk through all their feelings, and reconcile in a way zuko never in a million years expected to with ty lee of all people. then she reveals she had the answer to the puzzle all along and just wanted to facilitate an honest conversation. zuko would be mad, but honestly he’s just impressed. they all return into the light of day again, and the sunlight feels cleansing. 

B-plot: katara, toph, and suki soon realize that they make for a more awkward trio than they anticipated. at first katara had been very insistent that it was finally time for just the girls to go on an adventure together, but it becomes readily apparent that without sokka......they have nothing to talk about??? and they’re all like. fuck. is sokka really that important to the fabric of our friendgroup?? the answer is, of course he is, but it pisses them all off. they can be friends outside of sokka! as a matter of fact, fuck sokka! who needs him? not them, certainly. they’re the world’s most powerful waterbender, earthbender, and non-bending warrior respectively! what does sokka have? a sword? some maps??? so they may not have many things in common, but their sheer willpower & determination is shared among them in spades. they complete their Task with great competency, and they’re all like “FUCK YEAH.” sokka is very confused as to why all three of them tackle him in a hug next time they see him. 

C-plot: no grand quest. no adventure. mai simply finds a bat hanging in the corner of her room, and happens to notice sokka walking by. she summons him into her room, where she points at the bat with disgust. sokka’s like, “you’ve got to be kidding me. it’s just a bat. i’d think you’d love bats.” and mai’s like “then u are mistaken.” so sokka sighs and says he’ll take care of it, opens the window, closes the door, and tries to coax the bat into the night air gently. unfortunately, sokka’s execution is less than poor. the bat flies at his face, at which he lets out a very dignified shriek, and the bat starts flying around the room like crazy. for some reason, it refuses to just go through the window. mai and sokka, both fearing for the bat’s safety as well as their own, take the only logical option and hide in her closet until the bat leaves. after a while, they can no longer hear its indomitable screeching, so they open the door to the closet just a crack, only to see that it had actually tired itself out to the point of exhaustion and seemed to have fallen directly onto her bed. mai’s like “ewwww i sleep there sokka get rid of it!!!!!!!!!” and sokka’s like, “i can’t just throw it out the window!! it’ll die???” and mai’s like “this is why we need an animal control department.” which gives sokka a great idea. he tells mai to stay put and mai’s just like “you mean alone????? with the bat??????” sokka runs back moments later with a stricken zuko. “mai, are you all right???” he pants desperately, to which mai rolls her eyes and is like “yeah bitch im fine.” zuko turns to sokka and glowers. “you said there was an emergency in mai’s room! i thought she’d been–– oh what’s that???” they introduce zuko to the batshit bat, which sokka has named Squeaky, and zuko immediately knows what to do, and soon later it flies through the open window without a care. sokka’s just like “man, you really should’ve asked zuko for help instead of me.” and mai’s just like, “well... you were there. and youre.. competent.” and sokka looks around at the mess squeaky made of mai’s room and he’s like “u sure of that???” and it suddenly hits them just how uncouth this entire affair was, especially considering that zuko was the one who came out looking most competent (which they both deeply resent). they vow never to speak of it again.

[rqs902]

.

RENYU CALLED FAN YU. 

thats true friendship right there :’) mannnnn i really wish we could see them reunite one day

LOL WHY IS YANG CHAOWEN SO LOUD HAHAHAHA we love a boy who supports his friends LOL

ooof so if that tap dancing song is like the song with all the least popular kids, “first confession” is like the song that is filled with the 2nd least popular kids. 

HAHAHAHHAHA KOU CONG BEING THEIR LOVE MENTOR HAHAHAHHAHA

YLQ IS SO SHY LOL and he and cx are like the same age LOL ycy saying “hes too real” LOL 

i agree with yixing it wasnt like amazing but i thought ylq did a good job! even tho i kept feeling like that sweater was getting in his way lol... and i like wlk’s voice :’) i just love how wild its getting in the waiting room with all the kids LOL 

UGH just seeing the vocal kids’ reaction to them getting announced as the front runner? HEARTBREAKING. they’re all SO surprised. and up until the last second, renyu is like SO sure that it’s not them. and then when it gets announced, theyre all so stunned with their eyes wide and mouths agape, except huang enyu who just covers his face with his hands. this reaction is just... its so sad that they have such low expectations of their ability to do well. I mean i cant blame them, it’s a realistic reaction, seeing how things have progressed on this show for them so far and the rankings of where theyre at now. but its still so sad. 

AW kou cong being so supportive of huang enyu and huang junrong! saying “you can definitely win”, we love a boy who supports talent :’) and chen junhao aggressively hugging a dumbstruck li chenxu - awww friendshipppp

ive tried my best to avoid spoilers for the elims so my main thought for this next perf is just “oh gosh i really hope this isn’t sbh and syh’s last stage, but even if it is, at least they shone well in it” .... except for sbh’s last high note :( 

lol qby.... the kid’s so pure and sweet but i feel like youku giving him another feature is a sign they want to keep him around and im wary lol 

i agree i think syh did well! i really like him! but again why does youku choose to use age as a punishment for some but a pity point for others? AY JUNRONG CHEERING FOR HIM my singaporean bros

i agree xzx and cxh have improved a lot and i respect their hard work. 

junhao calling lin mo momo will never get old :’) 

oof again, if this is gonna be these kids’ last stage, im really grateful yzy and qzq got to shine. really yzy and qzq are good vocalists! was yzy center? bc im so happy for him if he was!!! amazing!!!!

mxy 辛苦了.... wait is that tyger training footage or am i hallucinating

so what youku is trying to tell me is... if you’re good, you should keep trying, and giving up is a sign of lack of perseverance !! if you’re bad, you should recognize it and give up while you’re ahead and go do something else rather than waste your time. so was zuo qibo not good enough? are lm and syh good enough? and so cxh and xzx have shown they’re good enough? but for kids like qzq and yzy who are relatively good too, should they keep going despite your lack of giving them a similar amount of attention? 

i feel like this whole segment has been dedicated to convincing me that liu cong, ma haowen and he yijun should give up. and im ??? how is this okay? wont this make them sad when they eventually watch this? 

LOL yes please give cui shaopeng a feature, its exactly what we need from this group. i love how he described everyone, hes so real LOL. but also the fact that xue en is just gentle :’) 

aw zixin..... really trying his best to stay cheerful must be hard. im happy to see zlj really cares about him. im grateful yixing recognized zixin’s skill in singing and dancing. but also im kinda just hoping that if this group does place top 4, which is highly possible, that zixin actually needs saving. bc otherwise itll be sad if no one in their group needs saving and they just waste that opportunity :\ 

YASSSSSS CUI SHAOPENG VOCALS !!!!!!! 

AHHHHH XUE EN GOT A KILLING PART YESSSSSS THANK YOU!!!!! 

LIN MO POINTING OUT THE MOST IMPORTANT PARTS OF THAT PERF I AGREE !!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHA I STAN HIM FOR A REASON 

i mean the rest of them were really good too! honestly a high quality perf, but still. YES JUNHAO EXACTLY! xue en literally can get your attention in 0.5 seconds, and he may not be the most popular, and youku may not give him nearly as much attention as he deserves as the WINNER of the last round (with 190 votes!!!!), but no matter how much time he has on screen, he takes that window of opportunity and KILLS IT. and im !!!!!! so grateful !! he did so well!!!

AW shaopeng’s smile when hyb says hes changed after cutting his hair is so adorable! 

aw zuo ye...... man its amazing when you think about how much of an impact cx has had on several of these trainees when she herself is still so young, but that tells you how respected she is, which is awesome. but also i do agree zuo ye has really really improved a ton!! 

you know, i was gonna say i was surprised they flat out told everyone that the vocal group was ahead, but actually im pretty grateful at least this means these kids who normally would NOT get any screen time (cough zhaohao cough li chenxu cough junrong) are regularly getting at least some screen time, which is great! but also it is sad to see that this screen time just consists of them being nervous and unconfident and stressed out thinking theyre about to get knocked down from the top at any moment. but at least... we’re reminded that they’re here, that they exist, and that they’re a force to be reckoned with. 

can we also talk about wlk sitting next to enyu instead of with his group? their friendship is so strong :’) 

wait where’s xue en during their dress rehearsal?

first thought is: omg did he go to the hospital and youku didnt give him a feature?? second thought: wait but if he was there to remember that gjm gave them that advice, did youku just crop him out or something? wtf 

oh wait look at this 

look whos sitting with the vocals now :’) 

they really like this shot of xikan 

and i do too!!!!!!

but cmon lets be real if the public (and youku) have the choice between voting for a group of amazing vocals on the brink of elimination and a group of already popular kids who will most likely all make it anyway..... if they chose the latter, i would literally flip a table. 

[irwintry]

What Happens in Paris

Warnings: swearing, alcohol

Author’s Note: STAYs in paris!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway sorry i’m so Bad at writing anything good

also request for part two k bc i have ideas but like, i didnt want this to be so long

Word Count: 5k

part two

“It’s like, ten bucks, mate.”

Luke snorted. “For a fuckin’ scam, yeah.”

“Ya aren’t curious?”

“Y’know me,” he said. “I have a pair of five-hundred-dollar shoes in my closet that I’ve never worn. If I was curious, I’d be sittin’ in there with my head in my hands like an eager kid. Not doin’ it.”

Calum rolled his eyes. “Don’t you wanna know if you and that chic are gonna get back together? Just ten bucks.”

Luke sighed and glanced over at the pink neon “Psychic” sign that illuminated the stairs before them. The night had been rough–– breaking up and binge drinking followed by a muzzy stroll in back neighborhoods he had never visited before. The vibrant letters swirled and eddied around, and before Luke could catch himself, he began walking down the steps.

Calum let out a laugh. “All right, here we fuckin’ go.”

There was an overwhelming musty scent that filled Luke’s nostrils as stepped into the small apartment. He imagined it hardly smelled of anything at all, but his imagination was so strong, and the toxins in his blood were too intense. The couches and chairs were covered in large silk sheets and tapestries, and soft jazz music was playing from an Anker speak on the coffee table.

“Celebrities,” a low female voice said from a kitchen. She stepped out, tea kettle in hand and a smirk on her face. “That’s not a first.”

She was younger than what Luke expected, but a few laugh lines decorated the corners by her eyes. However, she spoke like a middle-aged smoker from Brooklyn. Her hair was in thick, red curls, and he imagined the difficulty of taming it–– he had trouble taming his own curls on the occasion.

“Take a seat,” she said, setting down the kettle on a doily in the center of a table. “You need it.”

Luke was unsure of the woman, but Calum was more eager to have his life spelled out for him. He nearly kicked the chair out from under him as he sat on the wicker beside a big, dusty fern.

“Tea?”

“Yes––

“No,” said Luke, his eyes narrowing in on his friend next to him.

The woman chuckled and began pouring hot water into two teacups. “Earl gray for you,” she said to Calum, and then she looked at Luke. “And rose for you.”

There was a knot forming in the pit of his stomach, and it grew larger as the teacup slid in his direction. The woman, who Luke would later know as Gina, sat across from the two of them and smiled. She spoke with her hands, and he found himself focusing in on the fluidity of the motions.

“I like the energy in this room,” she said. “It’s–– it’s light and positive. But there are some... interruptions. Like the positive is interacting with a negative, and it’s creating this ugly––aaughh––amalgamation.” Her eyes fell to Luke. “You. You haven’t been a good person.”

“What?” he asked, his voice reaching a high register while his friend laughed beside him.

The woman grinned. He didn’t like her grin. “Don’t act so surprised. Y-you have good qualities, eh, y’know? You love people and you always have. But you feel a lot of power. And, look at ya, honey. Money is a big part of that. You live in a constant cycle of excitement and stress, and the people that come and go in your life are greatly affected by you. But ya haven’t been good to them!”

“This is fuckin’ bullshit,” said Luke as he stood. “I don’t need this.”

“And you’re sad!”

“What?”

“But you’re too sad to realize you’re sad,” she continued. “There is a person in your life who is conflictin’ you. I’m sensing that they don’t mean much to you righ’ now, but the more you are around them, the more you will question who you are. Drink your fuckin’ tea.”

Luke huffed and returned to his seat. “What the fuck is happening,” he muttered, but it wasn’t a question. Calum was still stifling a laugh.

“They don’t like you right now,” the woman continued. “It is radiating off of you like fuckin’ UV rays, honey. They will mess with your feelings as you struggle to figure out your own. And–– “

“What is this shit?” Luke asked. “Like, what are you even telling me? Why is this person important to me?”

The woman chuckled darkly. “You’re going to fall in love with them, honey.”

-

“Who the fuck invited you?”

“I the fuck invited me,” you replied, hands folded across your chest as you brushed by the tall blond. “I’m here to see Cal, ya dipshit. I’m getting his house key.”

Luke let out a huff and pushed the front door shut behind him. The night before tour was a night full of traditions, and nearly all of his close friends participated in the so-called rituals. You, however, were not his friend. You were Ashton and Michael’s, and especially Calum’s, but you were not, under any circumstance, Luke’s friend. So, of all nights for you to drop by unexpectedly, it had to be the night of pre-tour traditions.

“Still didn’t fucking invite you,” he called after you, but you had already made your way into the kitchen where the group gathered. “Jesus fuckin’–– “

A loud chorus of “aye”’s and “hey”’s filled the room as you entered. He ambled in after you, his shoulders tight while he watched you go around and hug the people he was closest to. They all loved you, he knew that. And, he hated that.

“Ya didn’t tell me you invited Y/N,” said Ashton. He nudged his friend teasingly before adding in a wink. “When d’ya get the hots for her?”

Luke glared at him. “I’d run onto the 405 naked before I would ever consider even hugging her.”

“Damn, ‘kay then.” Ashton chuckled. He walked back towards the kitchen island where their mates were eating.

The traditions were light. They were simple, relaxing things that the band never had the chance to do, like movie nights and large orders of Uber Eats. Most nights, they went out and experienced life like typical chumps would do. But pre-tour traditions meant R&R, and you were not R&R.

To Luke, it seemed as though the rest of his friends enjoyed your company. His blood boiled at the thought of his night being ruined by you. His friends would tell him to avoid you and not let you spoil his fun, but he simply could avoid the frustration building while you laughed at stupid jokes. He would be laughing to had he actually cared for your company. If he kicked you out, it would ruin the night for his friends. Because of you, Luke really could not win.

And then, you said, “well, I gotta bounce. Am I dropping by your place at around nine tomorrow, Cal?”

To this, Luke nearly beamed.

“Nine on the dot,” responded Calum as he tilted his drink towards you.

“Cool beans.”

Another friend interjected the conversation. “C’mon, you can stay for a bit, can’t you? Maybe Luke will finally be the one to win the tattoo draw. Bet you’d pay to see that.”

Luke could feel perspiration under his arms at the thought of you staying and being touched by a needle.

“Tattoo draw?” you asked, dangling the key to Calum’s house between your fingers.

“Tattoo draw,” Michael affirmed. “Whoever won, well, lost the draw last time picks a tattoo for the next person who’s drawn. They’re small tattoos, but they’re often fuckin’ shit. I have a tattoo of Cal’s response to his dick pick on the back of my thigh.”

“That was so long ago,” someone piped.

You chortled. “No offense, but these pre-tour traditions are kinda–– “

“Oh, they’re lame,” interrupted Michael, “we know. But they’re fucking funny when you’re high out of your mind.”

You glanced over to Luke, who felt as though he was sweating like a pig, then back at the group of friends before you. “I’m in.”

-

Luke had contributed $200 to the pool. Throughout the past few years, the total money in the pot increased as the band’s fame continued moving up. And still, even after all of this time, he had been fortunate to not have his name drawn. The only bonus was the cash prize–– and you were also inked for the rest of your life.

But it wasn’t all that bad. It would be a memory, and Luke was fond of memories.

The anger that followed your presence had begun to fade as the night went on. Thoughts were foggy, words were garbled, and laughter filled the concrete walls and penetrated the thick, cloudy rooms. Plenty of crap foods had been consumed, plus two bottles of whiskey, by the time names were drawn.

You were right, Luke thought. Everything about the traditions were lame, and they were only routine because of their old teenage minds. The hazier he felt, the more he became lost in his own brain.

And then your name was drawn.

He had to keep himself from bursting into screeching laughter. It was easy to read the pure terror written all over your features from your wide eyes to your deep frown. Ashton, who had been last tour’s tattoo winner, nudged you playfully.

“’s all right, babe,” he said. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t wanna. Someone will be glad to do it for ya, I’m sure.”

You stared at the money pool on the coffee table before you. “I get all of that?”

Ashton nodded.

“You promise the tattoo’ll be small?

“Microscopic.”

You sighed. “Okay. Let’s go.”

Luke kept quiet for the next half hour as the group waited for the arrival of the tattoo artist. He watched your face, how it contorted and how it relaxed. He was hyper-focused on every little line and detail of your skin, and it was all because of how your demeanor changed. You appeared vulnerable now, a stark contrast to what Luke had known for nearly a year. You were witty. You were always ready to tear someone down with words when necessary. But now, you were nervous. You weren’t the same.

It bothered him tremendously.

Things only went downhill from there. Ashton, being the cocky bloke he occasionally could be, had a brilliant idea.

“I know how much you love Luke,” he said, an odd smirk toying on his lips as he exchanged glances between the two of you. “I want you to get his name tattooed.”

Luke choked on his glass of whiskey.

You snorted. “Nope. That’s a funny one, Irwin.”

“No money for ya then.”

“I don’t even know how much is in there,” you said. Meanwhile, the artist looked less than pleased to be here, and Luke didn’t blame him.

Calum winced and said, “’bout four thousand, babe. It’s a pretty big one this year.”

You gaped, mouth falling wide as you glared at Luke, who, truth be told, had no say in the situation. As much as he didn’t want his name on your body, it would have been kind of funny otherwise.

“I’ll shoot you a proposition,” said Ashton, his foot landing on the chair beside your thigh so he could lean over you. “Instead of his full name, just get his initials. L-R-H.”

Luke hated this.

“That’s–– “ You looked at Luke again, almost as if you were waiting for his approval. He didn’t speak. ‘That’s not so bad.”

Ashton grinned.

“Where would I get it?”

“Under-boob!” a voice called out from behind Luke.

A few groans washed through the group, and even Luke felt upset with the suggestion. He hated you, but he didn’t hate you that much.

“You shut your fuckin’ face, Stevens,” you responded, and that caused Luke to smile. There was the old you.

Ashton shrugged. “Anywhere you want it.”

And then, after looking Luke dead in the eyes for the thousandth time that night, you smirked. Finally, a rush of confidence flooded over you, and it chilled him to his very core. He didn’t understand why it cut right through his chest, and then you said, “under-boob it is.”

Luke decided he would no longer hold anything back. He hated you through and through.

-

Luke kept his mouth shut when his friends mentioned you. He kept it shut when they called you and talked about inside jokes. He kept it shut when they drunkenly stated they missed you. But when the Paris tour date came around and you were seated at their brunch table, he couldn’t keep himself from saying, “why the fuck are you here?”

And his friends were quick to defend, just like Luke expected. At that moment, it finally hit him that it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t be himself around you. It didn’t matter that he was the only one uncomfortable with your presence. It didn’t matter, because Luke finally realized he had no reason to feel this way. Yet he couldn’t shake the feeling.

Maybe he didn’t hate you. Maybe his blood just boiled because everyone loved you, and he didn’t love you. Maybe he found frustration in every one of your actions because he was the only one who couldn’t enjoy himself when you were there. Maybe he just had to take two seconds to get over himself and let others be happy.

Luke sunk in his seat, eyes glued on the condensation on the side of his mimosa glass while his friends chatted and laughed. He thumbed his napkin, powdered sugar coating his fingers once more. For the first time since knowing you, Luke felt guilty for treating you the way he did.

He didn’t speak for the next hour and a half. And, when he did speak, it was a word or two at a time, gaze cast to the roads once painted in the blood of the French Revolution. He wasn’t much up for going out on the town when night fell–– it was better he preserved his voice for the concert tomorrow anyway. Instead, he remained in his tiny hotel room, sweaty feet kicked up on the thousand-thread duvet while a French dubbed Iron Man 2 played on his television. At one point, he ordered himself room service, and the apple cobbler plus a sparkling bottle of white wine were too big for him to finish alone.

And somehow, as if it were fate, there was a soft knock on his door.

Luke stumbled over, slightly buzzed already as he looked through the dirty peephole to see you. He swung the door open.

“Why’re you here?” he asked, surprisingly without a swear. “Thought you were with the rest.”

You glanced behind him. “I smelled apple cobbler,” you said. A shrug and a smirk later, you made your way past him.

Luke rolled his eyes and shut the door behind him. “Didn’t invite you in.”

You were already sat on the opposite twin bed, hand reaching for the fancy bottle on the nightstand before taking a long swig of the bubbly drink.

“Why’re you here?” he repeated.

“I–– “ You let out a satisfied sigh and set the bottle down. “I got tired. Got in an Uber pool with this gorgeous dude who kept using the words très belle, and then I remembered you were home.”

Luke sat on his bed and quirked an eyebrow at you. “You got tired and came here? What, are you on crack?”

You laughed, and he kind of did, too.

“Y’hate me,” he said. “You’re not here without reason.”

You raised your hands in surrender. “Kay,” you said, “ya got me. I wanna make out with you. Have a lil bang-bang-bang action.”

Luke had to keep himself from chuckling again. “Shut the fuck up.”

You grinned; your eyes were brighter than he had ever seen them around him. The two of you were both a little tipsy, and he chose to blame that for him not being totally upset with you invading his quiet night.

Things fell silent for a moment, and he let himself get lost in the foreign dialogue of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts.

“Why do you hate me?”

Luke’s head snapped over to you. You were relaxed, legs spread on the leg before you with your back against the headboard, and you were still facing the television. The bottle of wine was now in between your thighs.

“I wanted to be your friend so badly,” you said. “When I got your number, I put a little heart next to your name. And then, you never answered me when I tried to text you. You started rolling your eyes at everything I said, even when I was just walkin’ up to greet you. I thought my occasional teasing was just harmless. Is that–– is that why you hate me?”

Luke frowned. He had no idea what to say, especially since he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you, and you couldn’t even look at him.

“I-I guess I just need you to tell me that my efforts are pointless,” you mumbled, hands reaching out to pick up the bottle from between your legs. “I feel stupid even bein’ around ya now.”

“No,” he said, “I don’t hate you. I’m sorry.”

Finally, you looked his way. “Let’s get drunk.”

The night muddled through, and to Luke’s surprise, he hadn’t had simple fun like that in ages. In your beautiful drunken stupor, you spoke your best French, although it came out as slurred gibberish while you danced around to the soundtrack from the movie Mannequin. His stomach ached from laughter, and at one point, he even joined you. He didn’t think twice about his hands lazily resting on your hips while the two of you passed the second bottle of wine around. The phone rang at about one in the morning; it was a lovely call from the front desk about a noise complaint.

Luke giggled around you. Colors and shapes swirled around him a little more than usual, and your touch burned his already-hot skin. By the time endorphins calmed and the night slowed to a stop, deep conversations met pillow talk. He was hesitant to speak on behalf of his feelings, but you were keen on sharing your entire life story and traumas with him. You cried, and he let it be on his shoulder. He chose to talk about himself for once, to get the pressure off of you. Cuddling became tickling, and soon enough, the two of you were shouting lyrics to “Beat Patrol” with uncontrollable laughter once again. When you said goodnight, your arms tossed themselves around his waist as you pecked his flushed cheeks. And then you were gone, and he decided he didn’t like the absence.

He didn’t forget about it the next day. You were quiet, and you kept your distance, so he did the same. But something had changed, that he knew. It pricked at his stomach, and when you hopped aboard a flight the next day after that, he realized he missed you. It was funny how a mere few hours could change a mind.

-

“Do you think Y/N was the one that psychic talked about?”

“What?”

Calum had been silently chewing on a cold slice of pizza when the question hit his brain. Luke, on the other hand, was washing down his midnight meal with a bottle of beer. The tour had been over for about a week, and they had all been sleeping for days straight. Well, all except for Luke, who found himself unable to close his eyes while he tried not to think about that one night with you. It was one fucking night. By this point, nearly all of the events had vanished from his mind, but he couldn’t shake the honest happiness he felt while singing along to cheesy songs from the 1980s. He couldn’t get over your impromptu stand-up comedy show and your terrible John Mulaney impression.

“The psychic, Gina,” said Calum. “You remember that, right?”

“Yeah,” Luke replied, a little wary of where the conversation was headed.

Calum straightened his posture and slapped the pizza back down onto the greasy cardboard box. “D’ya think Y/N is who she was talking about?”

“I–– “ Luke thought for a moment as he racked his brain. He hadn’t mentioned that night with you to anyone, but they all knew his prior distaste for you. Now, he couldn’t help but think of the accuracy of the psychic’s testament. You didn’t like him, he didn’t like you, but now he kind of did like you. “No,” he said, “not a chance. It’s Y/N. Fuckin’ hate her.”

Calum nodded. A frown pulled at his lips. “She’s great, mate. Y’oughta give her a chance.”

Luke had given you a chance, and it worked all too well.

“Maybe you’ll fall in love with her.”

The blond snorted. “I can’t even be in the same room as her, Cal. Don’t see romantic escapades in our future. No–– no drunken late-nights with comedy impressions and Starship dance-offs.”

“’s oddly specific, but okay,” said Calum. He shut the pizza box a moment later and slid it back into the fridge, and meanwhile, Luke felt a pit growing in his stomach. “You’re too stubborn,” his friend continued. “And ugly. Like, too damn ugly for her anyway.”

Luke smirked, tilting his beer in Calum’s direction. “Cheers to that, mate.”

Through the dying laughter, Luke’s smile fell into a frown, and he couldn’t quite grasp the reason why. It was possible that the idea of falling for someone like you didn’t seem so terrible after all.

-

A few dozen people had gathered in the backyard by the time you arrived. Luke spent the first hour of the party cradling a beer, keeping himself out of sight on the porch but in view of the pool. His shirt had already become unbuttoned, and his curls had loosened and stuck flat against his skin due to the humidity in the hot air. And you... you looked marvelous.

Luke had been so focused on trying not to think about you, he ended up thinking about you every hour of every day. He caught himself scrolling through your Instagram page after failing to fall asleep, and he thought about what would have happened had you stayed in his hotel room a little longer. When your face popped into his brain, his heart hurt. He had started to idealize the two of you together–– exactly what he hadn’t wanted.

So, he isolated himself in the kitchen after your arrival, a series of nonconsecutive thoughts whirling through his head while he chipped away at the sticker on his warm beer. The party was outside, and he was in there, wondering how on earth he let himself start falling for the person he never wanted to know.

“I told Calum to queue up some Starship.”

Your voice was confident as you slid the back door closed behind you. Luke focused on your footsteps, but he refused to turn around as you approached him.

“If I can’t jam to some “Beat Patrol”, then honestly, what’s the point of being here?” you continued with a light laugh. You were grinning from ear to ear when you placed yourself in front of Luke, the close proximity causing him to hold in a gasp.

He cracked a smile. “Who invited you?”

“I invited myself,” you replied, “thank you very much.” You tilted your drink in his direction before taking a quick sip and setting it beside Luke’s on the counter. “The question is: why are you in here alone, bud? Lookin’ so glum n’ all.”

Luke’s heartbeat had begun to pick up, and humidity from the outside had seeped its way into the kitchen. He placed his palms on his pants to dry them off.

You frowned–– he had taken too long to answer. “You okay?”

He nearly jumped at the feeling of your hand brushing against his arm, and then he noticed that you had moved slightly closer. “I–– “ Luke coughed. “’m fine.” The weight on his arm never left.

“C-can I ask you something?” you spoke up again after a few moments of silence. You didn’t wait for his answer. “Do you hate me?”

His eyes met yours, despite the pain settling in his chest because of the contact. “You’ve asked me that before,” he said and smirked.

“I know,” you said quickly. “But, do you?”

Luke shook his head. “No. I could–– I could never.”

You nodded.

He nearly leaned in a little. The heavy tension and spike in energy tilted his body and its weight on the balls of his feet, but he held back in fear. All he wanted to do was see how you felt beneath his touch.

“Okay,” you then mumbled. Your voice was hushed, and you refused to look at him again. Somehow, the distance between the two of you shrunk once again.

Luke swallowed. His fingers played with the neck of his half-empty bottle; they spun it around and around while his brain told him what to do and what not to do.

And then, the hand that had been grazing his arm moved up to rest on his chest, and Luke restrained himself from completely losing himself in you. It was as if the music from the world outside had been sucked into a vacuum, and the air around him was dense with heat and sexual tension, but he could only notice your breath ghosting his lips. There was something about the nudging of noses and fluttering of eyelids that pushed him over the edge. So, when your lips finally met in a soft, velvety kiss, he couldn’t hold back the desire that had been building up for months.

While your hands plaited through his hair, Luke’s were firm on your waist. He had pulled you into him, all previous thoughts out the door while your lips slotted against his. It was wet yet warm, and a familiar sensation tightened in his abdomen. His cheeks were hot and pink–– that he knew for sure.

But you pulled away quickly, gasps falling as you sputtered out apologies. “I shouldn’t–– that was–– weird, right?”

Luke wanted to shake his head no, but instead, all he could do was nod.

“We–– we hate ea–– I’m sorry,” you said, grabbing your beer quickly and making a b-line for the sliding glass door.

Underneath Luke’s eyes, the skin burned, but he quickly shook it off. He wasn’t going to cry because you walked out on him. He was, however, disheartened tremendously.

The rest of the night, he spent his time avoiding you. Truth be told, he spent his time avoiding everyone. He loitered around his practice room, used the bathroom for twenty minutes, and locked himself in his room until the crowd outside died down. No one bothered to check up on him, not even you. It was when he had come to terms with his isolation that you knocked on his door and stumbled in. Immediately, he knew you had a few too many drinks.

Neither of you said a word as you ambled over, giggles leaving your lips before you flopped onto his bed beside him. Pillows flew and the duvet slipped to the floor, but Luke didn’t care. In the beginning, he never wanted to picture you in his bed–– it made him sick to think about. But then he purposefully avoided the thought, for he simply knew he’d find himself wanting to picture it more and more. So now, he had to keep his stomach from knotting. He had to keep himself from looking over and spilling out a word-vomit of feelings that he didn’t even want to have.

And then, you started touching his face.

At first, Luke wanted to laugh. You were cute albeit clumsy, yet the silence and evident tension settled in his shoulders, and every graze of your fingers on his flushed skin sent shivers up his spine. Fingers running over cheeks and closed eyelids, your touch so gentle he could barely feel it, but he did. You brushed the ridge of his brows, the curve of his nose, and finally, the dip of his cupid’s bow. He couldn’t breathe as you lightly traced the soft skin of his lips.

His lips felt cold once your fingers left, but they soon skimmed the hollowing of his cheeks back down to where his lips parted in a silent gasp. You pressed one finger against the separation of skin, and he kissed it gently. Then, you placed another finger there, and he continued.

Luke wanted to shoo your hand away. He blinked up at the ceiling while your hand traveled down his Adam’s Apple and onto his collarbones. Your touch was so light, so beautiful–– he was completely enamored at this moment. He had to clench his jaw while your hand traced the hairs on his chest.

The weight in his bed shifted, and suddenly your body was wedged up against his, your nose nudging his chest as you peppered kisses up and down it. Luke’s heart rate decided to make a break for it.

“No, no, no,” he breathed out, reaching over and pushing you away from him. He rose instantly while his hands fumbled to button up his shirt. It would be obvious to anyone as to how utterly flustered he was. “No, you can’t–– you can’t do that to me.”

You grinned. “Why not? Yer so pretty! Like a fuckin’ angel that fell from heaven. You glow.”

“I-I don’t–– no, what?” Luke sputtered, nerves rising to his throat as he finally got a good look at you in your drunken state. He already knew what you were like drunk, but he never saw you like this while sober.

“Ya deserves to be kissed,” you said.

Luke wanted to smile; except he couldn’t have things end up this way. He felt so much, maybe too much, and he wanted it to be good. You had hardly blinked.

“Um,” Luke whispered, “thanks. I–– I should–– I should check on the party.”

“Oh, yeah!” you squeaked. “Go, go, go!”

He nodded, excusing himself quickly and then shutting the door behind him. But he couldn’t walk any farther than that. With a sigh, he pressed his back against the door and looked down to his feet. Every muscle in his body tensed and relaxed while his brain went black. Luke didn’t know what to think. He wasn’t sure he would ever know how to admit how he felt. However, he did know that needed to pay a certain psychic a visit.

part two

[marshmallow-phd]

Charming Instruction

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Supernatural, Wolf Au

Pairing: Junmyeon x Reader

Summary: You were just an average, everyday college student desperately trying to graduate. Only one more year stood between you and that celebratory walk. However, due to an oversight by your adviser, it seemed that the one class you never wanted to take was required to take that walk. It wasn’t the subject matter that made you uncomfortable. It was the teacher. Your heart sped up every time you saw him and you didn’t want that distraction in your life, attractive or not. With meeting him now an inevitability, you swore that you would keep your hormones in check. But after your first day of class, a series of hi jinks and weird situations lead you to discovering the secret of your professor and why he seemed to bombard your every thought.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I Final

**

Junmyeon didn’t lead you too far into the woods. He stuck to the tree line, pulling you in close once he was leaning up against a sizable trunk that kept you somewhat hidden from the house. Hands resting on your hips, he leaned his forehead on yours and sighed deeply.

You could tell he was still stressing over the meeting. Perhaps he was expecting more concern and questioning from the pack rather than the nonchalant reception that was bestowed upon him instead. While you didn’t know the boys all that well, they all seemed to give off that carefree vibe, which was possibly be the bane of Junmyeon’s existence, if you had to guess. But that probably just came with the territory of being a leader. And being the mate of the leader, you figured it was your job to help him stop worrying.

“Just give them a little time,” you reassured him as you rubbed his arms. “Soon, they’ll take it more seriously. It’s just because the information is so vague at this time, they don’t know what to be cautious of. So, they blow it off rather than stressing about something they have no control over.”

Junmyeon pouted, squeezing your sides. “Then why am I stressing about it?”

“Well, I don’t know too much about werewolf pack dynamics….” You scrunched your face mischievously, “But I’m pretty sure it has to do with the fact that you’re the leader and it’s kind of your job to worry over every little thing.”

“I do not worry about every little thing,” he protested.

This was coming from the same person who didn’t tell you the truth about the connection between the two of you because he was overthinking on whether or not you would hightail it out of here and leave him in the dust. Granted, you didn’t give him much hope for any other outcome, but still.

You held your thumb and index finger up, leaving a minuscule amount of space in between. “You do. Just a little bit.”

Junmyeon opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it, sighing heavily. “Okay. Maybe a little. But someone has to worry about these things or else we’ll all be doomed.”

“Well, then I guess it’s a good thing that you’re the leader instead of one of the others.”

He let out a short laugh. “Well, me and Kris. And it was nice that he-”

A little over the current discussion, you simply pressed your lips against Junmyeon’s for a quick kiss to stop his talking. Well, it was supposed to be a quick kiss.

Catching the back of your neck with his hand before you could pull away, Junmyeon deepened the display of affection, taking full advantage of the isolation. Under your palms that were resting on his chest, you could feel his content purr vibrating both you and him. The sensation made you giggle. Junmyeon broke off the kiss at the sound.

“What’s so funny?” he murmured, frowning at you.

“You’re like a cat,” you chuckled. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say.

Junmyeon scoffed, the corners of his mouth turning up in astonishment. His eyes turned back to you, “Do you realize how insulting that is?”

“Um, sorry?” you snorted. He did not find it as funny. “It’s not my fault! You were purring!”

“I was happy! I can’t control it!” he whined.

You rolled your eyes. “I was just saying that it was cute!”

“Hardly the word I want to hear in the middle of kissing you,” he grumbled.

Stepping back, you crossed your arms, just staring at him. He kept pouting, just making him even cuter.

It was ridiculous. The big alpha wolf wanted to be seen as anything but cute. But he made it hard with that fluffy brown hair, puckered lips, and big, round brown eyes gazing at you. You almost wanted to snap a picture of it, but that didn’t feel appropriate in the moment. Honestly, it felt silly, him taking offense to that four letter word, but it wasn’t worth starting an argument.

You threw your hands up. “Okay. Fine. I won’t call you cute anymore. Never again. I will purge that word from my vocabulary unless I’m talking about a puppy or small child.”

Junmyeon’s eyebrows shot up to nearly his hairline. “I didn’t say that.”

Narrowing your eyes and smirking, you teased, “So, you do want me to call you cute?”

He shrugged, hands in his pockets. “I wouldn’t mind it under certain circumstances. Just not when I’m kissing you. Because that makes me want to show you exactly how not ‘cute’ I can be.”

Now that kind of had you taken back. “Are you sure you’re a college professor? Because you are acting a bit more more like a college boy right now.”

With a predatory gleam in those russet eyes, Junmyeon stalked towards you. Instinctively, you stumbled back until your back hit a tree, the curved edges of the bark piercing your shoulder blades.

Your breath quicken and you couldn’t stop the audible gulp in your throat from how much like a wolf he being. That reaction seemed to just egg Junmyeon on. He didn’t stop until the space between you was completely gone, a hand on each side of your hip to keep you in place. His lips were right against your ear as he whispered, “I’m only a professor on campus.”

Oh, that’s not good.

Junmyeon nibbled at your ear before moving down to your neck. You giggled anxiously. He’d never gone this far before. What really made you nervous was the fact that you didn’t want to stop.

“Junmyeon! Junmyeon, are you out here?!”

Junmyeon growled, slamming a fist into the bark above your head. “Oh, for crying out loud.”

You snorted, covering your mouth when Junmyeon shot you a look.

Chanyeol and Jongin came running through the trees. You straightened up, hoping that there was no evidence of what you and Junmyeon were doing left on your face.

“What is it?” Junmyeon asked grumpily. You could tell he was trying to remain calm and not be irritated at the boys in case it was a real emergency.

“Sorry to barge in,” Jongin actually looked really guilty, which made you want this whole thing end even quicker, “but no one can find Tao. Did he run past here?”

Junmyeon shook his head. “No, we haven’t. Why?”

“No one can find him,” Chanyeol explained. “He stormed off after the meeting. He seemed really pissed.”

“That’s not good.” Junmyeon ran a hand through his hair before glancing at you. Turning back to the other wolves, he asked, “Did you see what direction he took off in?”

“He went out the front door,” Jongin replied.  

“So, you think he went into town?” Junmyeon guessed.

Chanyeol shrugged. “Maybe? And you know Tao when he’s mad. He doesn’t really have the best control.”

“Alright.”

You could see how reluctant Junmyeon was to be the leader, to go after his wayward member, but it was an instinct that he couldn’t ignore.

“I guess I’ll go track him down,” Junmyeon sighed.

“I need to go back into town anyway,” you inserted. Maybe if you were the one to take him, he’d be less pouty about it.

“Luhan wants to go with you,” Chanyeol added. “Said if anything, he can drag Tao to the empty bar while he does opening work.”

Junmyeon nodded. “Okay, then. Let’s go.”

The four of you headed inside, grabbing Luhan before splitting off and going back outside to your car.

It wasn’t a very chatty car ride. Luhan stayed quiet in the back seat while Junmyeon held your hand from the passenger’s seat. He made random comments about the area’s history or how the road needed repaving every once in a while.

Apparently, Tao preferred to hang out downtown, so that’s where you dropped the two wolves off. You told Junmyeon that he could find you at the museum once he was done. When he questioned why you would go there, you simply shrugged and said to kill time.

That wasn’t entirely a lie. You really did like to spend free time at the museum, wandering around and trying to find new pieces to memorize.

But today you had a little mission.

Even though Junmyeon said he’d already gone through the little book of his family’s history, you thought that maybe a fresh pair of eyes could pick up some new clues.

Mrs. Kang wasn’t surprised to see you at all when she saw you in the main lobby. Junmyeon had told you earlier in the week that he had you added to the very limited list of people with access to the back room. Mrs. Kang handed you a key card with no hesitation and left you to go on your merry way. Getting a pair of cotton gloves from the supply closet, you buckled yourself down at the table in Junmyeon’s secret room after carefully taking out the book from its resting place.

You flipped through the pages slowly, gliding your eyes over the heavily faded words. Some paragraphs were almost completely illegible from the old ink wearing away with age. One particularly worn page caught your eye about halfway through the book. The edges were particularly feathered and torn, giving you the impression that this page’s contents were immensely important in the past. Almost all the writing was gone on the pages, but certain words you were able to make out.

Enemies.

Beware.

Hunted.

Future encounters.

Bingo.

At the very bottom of the page, underneath the missing information was a familiar looking symbol still present enough to make out. It was a circle overlapping three points. That could be the clue you were looking for in order to keep the pack - Junmyeon’s family - safe. But where did you take it from here?

Junmyeon came to the museum about forty-five minutes later, finding you in the “caveman” section, as Cam liked to describe it.

“Finding anything new and interesting?” he teased as he came up behind you, encircling his arms around your waist.

You shrugged lazily. “Perhaps. Did you find Tao?”

Junmyeon scoffed. “Yeah, he’s been found. But he’d ran off in the forest, not to town. Apparently, he just ran in a different direction than where we were.”

“Poor leader.” You turned around in his arms, linking your own around his neck. “It’s so hard being you.”

That just made him roll his eyes. “You’re so mean to me.”

You motioned to exit with your head. “Come on. Since I’m so mean, dinner’s on me.”

Junmyeon made his impressed face, the kind he made when a student in class gave him an answer he wasn’t expecting. “I like that idea. And I think I know just the place.”

**

Triquetragirl49: I’m glad that the new article helped!

Archaeology4life: It was a great read! Thank you!

Triquetragirl49: How’s the paper coming?

Archaeology4life: Not too bad! Teacher’s a hardass, though. Lol

Triquetragirl49: Well, hopefully he’ll at least enjoy your paper on irish werewolves.

Archaeology4life: Fingers crossed! If I don’t get an A, I might have to complain to the dean. Jk

Triquetragirl49: Remind me again why you were focusing on that subject?

Archaeology4life: I just came across something about werewolves and a connection to the triquetra in some research. I was surprised that they were both related to protection.

Triquetragirl49: Kind of related. Werewolves were still considered dangerous and best for everyone to stay away from them.

Triquetragirl49: At least, according to the legends, that is. Considering they’re not real!

Archaeology4life: I’m sure if wolves were real, they wouldn’t be dangerous.

Triquetragirl49: You never know. There’s a lot of scary stories out there lol.

Archaeology4life: Yeah… you’re right lol

Archaeology4life: Thank you again!

Triquetragirl49: Of course! Just let me know if you want to know anything else! I’ve enjoyed talking to you!

Archaeology4life: Same!

“What are you smiling at?”

You slammed the screen of your laptop shut just as Junmyeon slid into the empty space across from you in the breakfast booth. Since he had a department meeting this evening, you’d beaten him to the farmhouse and decided to kill some time by getting back in touch with your new internet friend.

Finding triquetagirl49 in a folklore chat room on a history website had been pure luck and she’d giving you so much information on how that old celtic symbol could be related to werewolves. It seemed more like a good thing, representing protection for both humans and wolves alike. You weren’t sure when you should share this information with Junmyeon or exactly how to present it, so you decided for now to just keep it to yourself for the time being.

“Funny article on The Mummy trilogy,” you lied smoothly.

He shook his head, laughing to himself. “You and those movies. Don’t you have them memorized by now?”

“Maybe,” you pouted. “We can watch something else, though, if you want. Or do something else. We don’t have to watch a movie.”

Junmyeon held out two hands, moving them up and down like a pair of scales. “Let’s see… hold my mate close on my bed while we watch her favorite movie or do something else that involves less intimate time and possibly run into someone else in the pack.” He gave you a pointed look. “I think movie wins.”

You beamed. “Good!” Hopping up, you started for the staircase. “Let’s go!”

Junmyeon laughed as he followed you up to his bedroom. By luck, a majority of the wolves were out and about with their mates on this beautiful friday night. Since you and your wolf still had to be careful about who saw you together, it was a night in for the pair of you. But you didn’t mind. In fact, you had been looking forward to it all week.

Jumping on the bed, you pushed yourself all the way up to the headboard while Junmyeon turned on the TV and readied the movie before heading into the bathroom. While you waited on him, you fluffed up the pillows to make yourself more comfortable.

When he emerged from the bathroom, you tried to keep your focus on the bright screen. Junmyeon had decided that it was completely appropriate to come out in just a pair of sweatpants. Just sweatpants. No shirt.

He was such a tease.

You made no protest as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in close to him. Leaning your head on his chest, you watched the movie for a good fifteen minutes or so until the scene with Rachel Weisz in the museum, knocking over the bookshelves and creating that cringe-worthy disaster came on the screen.

That’s when Junmyeon got a little restless.

At first, he was just playing with your fingers and planting kisses on your shoulder. Then he moved his lips up to your neck, tickling the sensitive skin. Out of reflex, you flinched into the kiss, closing off access from Junmyeon.

“It’s cute that you know every word,” he whispered. It was obvious that he cared nothing for the movie and he was just trying to distract you and maybe even give him all your attention instead.

Taking the bait, you turned to tell him to be quiet. Before one word could escape your lips, he’d captured them in his own. You never saw another minute of the movie, too preoccupied to pay it any mind.

Oh, well. There was always next time and your wolf needed your special attention.