#anyways sometimes lonely people are lonely bc they chose it

[skyeateyourdonuts]

dangerrrrrr

[natandacat]

The notes are so funny bc here are the 'downsides of being an only child' that are literally not unique to being an only child and more of a parenting/situational thing really:

- "It's lonely!/Siblings are built-in friends!" One of my brothers played with me out of a sense of necessity because we were not allowed to be with other kids and he deeply resented me for that, which made for a bad relationship and me being extremely alone all the time anyway. I'd rather have skipped the hatred (on his part) and heart break (on mine) and gone directly to playing alone. I have literally never had an intimate conversation with any of my 3 brothers (except literally One time with one of them) but I've had countless of horrid fights (with me or witnessed). Hell is other people, etc.

- "All the attention is suffocating!" I was monitored 24/7 and pretty much never left alone, up to a point where my bathroom time was also monitored. My brother actively and voluntarily participated in the monitoring at some points.

- "You get unconditional support as an adult!" I've been in a lot of trouble since I was 17 and they've never helped, not materially or emotionally.

-"You have more people to build happy memories with!" My brother got married 3 days before I was back in the country (he set the date way after I had bought my plane tickets and also he actively chose to hide it from me) and still blames me for being upset because "it was a ceremony for closed loved ones only anyway" (I guess I wasn't counted!). That's just the most egregious examples in a long, long list.

I get grass is greener ect but what bothers me is that it reinforces the idea that sibling relationships are *always* a net positive, in a very "nuclear family is sacred" way

Like I'm not venting for the sake of it, I've been no contact for 4 years and it's great, I'm just frustrated that it's so goddamn hard to get people to acknowledge sibling abuse, or even get them to *not* perform shocked incredulity at the idea. Especially on tumblr, THE website where people talk about parental abuse all the time and understand that sometimes you really cannot salvage the relationship and it truly is detrimental

All I'm saying is stop assuming that things would be better with a sibling around. You don't know that! Believe me, things could be so much worse with a sibling around.

The good news is you get to choose your friends and siblings as an adult! :) Life can be sweet not matter who your nuclear family is! You're not a failure for not experiencing the hegemonic ideal of siblinghood! It's okay!

[hum--hallelujah]

ok @caffeineecold Suitehearts thoughts (with only a small helping of Kobra bc I'm still kinda thinking all those dynamics out... soz)

ok so in my mind palace (kskfjsfk) the Suitehearts as a group are both known for 1) racing, bc of Sandman ( and on rare occasion Crab also I think) and 2) being the closest thing the Zones have to like... an ambulance. bc in my headcanon I kinda strayed away from the TV show thing (sorry) EXCEPT that that's where Benzedrine took his name from. bc he was a final-year med resident in the City and got mixed up in an experimental thing that went wrong and kinda just... really really messed up his head for a long time. like even years after he still has affects of it (brain fog, really bad dissociation, stuff like that) but when he first ran for the Zones it was like. REALLY BAD. he was really effed up. luckily for him (and eventually, jokingly, maybe unluckily too lol) he was found by this weird loner kid who called himself Mr. Sandman. Benzedrine thought of him as "the boy with two mouths" for A While after they met even though he Knew Sandman's name, it just... wouldn't quite click at first

(and actually as a matter of fact my version of Benzedrine has a lot of issues regarding names in general, especially his own bc he still feels connected to his City name and who he was before and feels weirdly disassociated with his Killjoy/chosen name sometimes, even though he specifically chose that name bc it's still similar to his City name. it's weird. his brain is weird about names, let's leave it at that)

Sandman kinda showed Benzedrine the ropes and how Zone life works, which was great for both of them because 1) Benze woulda frickin died on his own, and 2) Sandman at this point didn't really have any close friends. I'm thinking he knew Kobra and the Four at this point from the crashtrack but that's always been a little bit different, Sandman chose to be a lone wolf but racetrack friendships/truce/whatever that whole thing is are still different than having a crew to call your own, yknow?

so at this point, Sandman basically is his own mechanic. he thinks all his friends are dead. last he heard, his best friend growing up had been caught and Drac'd. this makes him EXTRA pissy at the track and leads to some escalating tensions with Kobra in particular in that Sandman's response to grief is uh... basically he gets mad at the first person he can, which when Kobra beats him in a race is... yeah. you get what I'm saying. cue "freckle, freckle, what makes you so special?" and the thematic resonance of "I'm gonna leave you," because Sandman! has this massive issue! of blaming other people! for crap that's not their (or anyone's) fault! he's mad at Donnie for leaving him in the worst way possible. he's mad at the people he knew for dying. he's mad at Kobra for being effing better than him at his favorite thing in the world that he's put all of his heart into. and that turns into a heightened level of resentment and a whole lot of other issues

(which is also a whole thing bc it means the Rest of the Four AND Benzedrine have to witness/put up with this crap and ngl they're all deeply annoyed by it. this is how Benze and Jet become friends, in a loose sense of the term, because they both need someone to bitch to about their weird friends skfkdkgmsk)

anyway so. spoiler alert: Donnie isn't frickin dead. and his distant cousin, one H. Shoe Crab, nearly died saving him from BLI. Crab is mute bc of this, Donnie, once he's back in his right mind, will never forgive himself. even though it was, yknow, out of his control (idk how it works in "canon" but I'm pretending you can save people who've been Drac'd ok? ok).

there's a whole... series of events I haven't figured out yet that lead to a reunion. Sandman is over the moon about having his best friend back (and he also knew Crab, way back when, but not as well) so they very naturally and also very chaotically end up becoming a crew — which is great, bc Dr Benze has this wild idea to use his medical knowledge to help anyone in the Zones who needs it. it's kind of a space that needs filled bc most organized crews have A Medic, but usually they're just... doing their best with very limited learning and recources. an actual doctor? with training? who knows how to do the hard things like amputate a limb Properly or fight a viral infection? that's like... insane and incredible. and also a little bit puzzling to the others, but they're all 100% in after a bit of convincing. it's uh... pretty chaotic and there's definitely some crap that could be considered medical malpractice but like they're saving lives however they can and it's not like they have general anesthesia in the Zones so... yeah.

and Donnie absolutely is Sandman's mechanic once they reunite. like they used to fix old stuff up like that for funsies as little kids there's no way you're keeping them from teaming up on the track when they have the chance to. it's a large hand in Donnie's healing process honestly.

(Crab ends up as basically lowkey the nurse to Benzedrine's doctor btw. those two have an insane dynamic going on. guy with language issues + guy who speaks really sloppy Zone sign language bc he's still learning it? oh it's a mess. they're so sweet. I'm rotating them in my head)

they're also kinda the reversal of my version of the Fab Four bc in my universe Ghoul is the only one of them born in the Zones meanwhile with the Suitehearts Benze is the only one of them NOT born there. it's fun

[khaleesiofalicante]

it's so unusual for Magnus the Meddler to stay out of the whole Mavid thing. Even in the ials universe he's still a meddler like w Max and Mona. He just chose to not engage in this particular situation. It must be so hard for Alec to be the one to actively do something. I'm sure Magnus has his reasons but this is kinda concerning. It also makes me wonder what would have happened if Magnus wasn't as involved as he is. I hope we learn more about how he feels in his pov in part 3. I always love the way he observes and analyses everything. He's very emotionally driven but is still very smart. Unlike some people he's actually aware of the risks of doing something, he just chooses to do it anyway.

From the snippets and stuff it seems like instead of just going in complete dad mode he chose to empathize w David which is a good thing bc David doesn't seem to have a concrete support system. He was so lonely when Max was in France. His self worth was so tied to Max's love for him. Idk what exactly happened and how it affected David's memories but i kinda understand why he's trying to hold onto the first thing that made him feel like he deserved more. Idk if they'll get back together or not, but i hope David learns to be more secure about himself.

I also think (this might be very wrong) that Lance was harmed in some way due to the whole Mallory thing. I think David loves Max enough that he'd try to hold onto him even after being hurt but i don't think he'd stay w him if he thought his kids were in any kind of danger.

I don't blame people for not supporting David's actions. I've felt that way sometimes too. But i also know that sometimes people do desperate things to somehow feel a little bit better. i think the book and the show are David's coping mechanism. i think Jaden is also the same. i hope he finds healthier ways to deal w the hurt and find some inner peace. And if Magnus had taken his side, i don't think Max would ever hate him for that because Max more than anything loves David and wants him to be happy.

thankyou for having this amazing platform btw where people can share their interpretations and hopes for the lovely characters you've made.

love, Yana

Me anytime Yana talks about my fics or characters:

[bruhnze]

Hi, I'm starting uni this year, can you pls give me some tips, I'm a bit nervous because I'm not a very social person and I'm afraid I won't make friends.

Hi cutie patootie! I will tell you everyone is nervous! and i noticed pretty much everyone was looking for their way the first while, i think that was the most important period of time (eventhough classes and groups can switch, its nice to have a solid base off people to know)

i am quite the yapper, so if you dont have that i get its hard, i usualy joke a lot and ask people for their name, where theyre from, or maybe hobbies or something, with the more serious ppl you could ask why they chose to study X or what their oppinion on XYZ is.

Tips:

-first days - mingle (subjects are starting up, imo everything is pretty clear from syllabus, just read that at home before and then you feel more at ease in class and can relax there more)

-trade phone numbers

-be nice to teachers!!!!!!! (i have had such a good thing, i had a class what wasnt obligatory, but i found it interesting so i went every time anyways, and a year later i had a oral defense of a paper with that teacher and i got highest grade, (she told me after, i was exited to learn i was grading yours bcs i know your work ethic)) teachers are ppl too, (i have litt had conversation with a teacher who's cat was sick and when i asked them about it later they said after telling the story, aw thanks for asking, so nice)

-do every extra activities there are (i study away from home, living in a ''dorm'' (not really, but sort of) and i was affraid to be lonely so i just took every thing someone offered and went, (wheter school set it up or just someone saying, hey lets get coffee, just do everything) you can decide which things to keep doing later in the year.

Everything will be okay, your studies will be fine, if i were you id just talk to as much people as possible those first days bcs then everyone is still in that 'searching' phase, when the weeks pass, everyone will find kind off a group.

Also, sometimes you have like older people in classes, they are cool too, just speak to them if they seem up to it (ive had funny confersations with people who litt have childeren my age)

aw i just want to give you a hug bcs i know it can be a bit nervy, but it will be fun i promise!

(there are also always people who just prefer to only focus on their studies, and they dont really talk much, they just sit, and learn, those people are respected too, in my opinion it is way chiller enviroment as high school, everyone just lives their live)

Good luck anon!

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

[bunny-rambles]

YES!! LET US SHOWER RUE MORE AFFECTION AND KITHS HE SO DESERVE EJSKOAIA 😭😭👍 I love how the way you portayed them, bun!! it was so melancholy to the heart but sweet to the tongue that make it somehow bittersweet but pretty nostalgic for me 😫💖

Also, while I'm reading your latest fic, I was listening to the Reprise version of Part of Your World and Hksysksuso ITS SO PERFECT I WANNA HUG HIM SUSJSJ

That brings me back to my brainrot earlier when i was watching Little Mermaid with my baby cousin susksi like at first he wanted to take everything from albedo to himself, want to be him and do the things that his brother do, but when he met you, he now wanted to do it WITH you 😭👍 instead of being alone. He wanted to be in the sun with you, not in the frigid cold of dragonspine. He wanted to walk hand in hand with you. He wanted you to smile at HIM, not because he was pretending to be Albedo, but because he was Rue. Imagine him contemplating what should he do just to ensure you will stay beside him 😫

What would I give to live where you are? What would I pay to stay here beside you? What would I do to see you smiling at me? Where would we walk, where would we run, if we could stay all day in the sun? Just you and me, and I could be part of your world.

The last verse of the song hit differenly to me because I think here, Rue will at least come in terms that he would want to be a part of your world as himself, not as Albedo or anyone but he himself 😭🖐

I don't know when, I don't know how. But I know something's starting right now. Watch and you'll see, someday I'll be part of your world.

Anyway, forgive my preamble. I have no one to talk to with my brainrots bc im too shy n awkward 😅😅

- lurker anon

Aww lurker, thank you so much for the kind words !! I’m sorry this has taken so long to answer, I wanted to properly respond to all of it instead of doing it when I’m half asleep hehe

But the brainrot really made me smile,,, and yes omg it fits so well for my baby Ruby yesyesyes !!

I was trying to go for a similar idea of Ruby finally focussing on someone else other than Albedo and focusing on an emotion that wasn’t resentment or bitterness.

some ramblings utc

Ruby as Ariel, that’s such a cute idea- their personalities are very, very different but in a way there’s a lot of similarities. Rubedo is probably very curious about the world and ooh, do you think he collects things he comes across in Dragonspine? I can see him having a collection of interesting things he finds, like the random diaries hidden around in the snow, or maybe some crystals he found pretty enough to keep.

He’s also very outcasted from society, just like Ariel was but she chose that (I felt that- people are exhausting sometimes), with Ruby it’s kind of forced upon him- he’s invested in so many ideas going on in his head he’s not realising what he’s missing, or that the empty feeling in his chest isn’t caused by Albedo, but by how the only person in his life decided to throw him away. Lonely - he feels lonely. He’s been abandoned for so long he’s forgotten what it feels like to be around others. That is, until he meets you.

Ah he probably hates the new, fuzzy feeling in his chest at first. He tries to find something to be bitter or pessimistic about you when you’re kind to him, but it’s almost impossible. You’re so sweet to him, it completely throws him off. When had anyone been kind to a failure like him? He secretly hopes you never find out his true origins so he can just live out a perfect fantasy life with you. Around you, he forgets about Albedo, forgets the revenge he’s been planning - with enough time, on some days he completely forgets he was an experiment in the first place.

You make him feel alive, human even. Sure, he can still be stuck in his stubborn pessimistic ways (again, I felt that - maybe I’m projecting a little too much) but with you, there’s happiness for him. And even the smallest amount is enough for him.

On a more personal note - I love Ariel !! She has her flaws but she’s s pretty solid Disney princess (and we’re both curious red heads heh) but she’s extremely positive while I believe it’ll take a hell of a lot of healing for Rubedo to even think of something in a more brighter way. He’ll get there, don’t worry !! He’s got you, of course <3

[theycallmebun]

alone but never lonely

pairing: tendou satori x gn!reader

w/c: 820+

warnings: dramatic af (duh), very descriptive based (like really little dialogue), not really romantic, more like friends

genre: angst?

summary: y/n discovers they like to be alone. 

a/n: i want to preface that i chose tendou at random and that i do not mean to depict him as evil? kind of just needed a character to project on. I LOVE TENDOU I SWEAR. i kind of wanted to stray from the helplessly in love stuff. posting this today bc i cant post of thursday. highkey a shitpost. there will be a hc post tomorrow tho!!

It started off as an attempt to make friends. You were in high school for the first time in your life and knew only a handful of people. The intentions were good, you both knew that, but if you knew it were going to end the way it did... 

Truly, you and Tendou were in need of friendship in that big lonely school. So you sought each other out. Not specifically, of course, but for anyone. 

You’d gone into it thinking that high school was this great place where you’re supposed to make great friends and you’re supposed to surround yourself with people who reflect that of yourself. 

So the two of you became friends. Some time between the winter and spring, right when the land was thawing out. You remember because the air couldn’t have been fresher but it could’ve been a little warmer. 

You enjoyed his company and all the silly things he’d put you up to. 

Although it was somewhat dark for Tendou, he confided in you about his past and his greatest insecurities. 

As you did him. 

It was the least to say that the two of you had grown close in such little time. You remember your early high school memories to always be your sweetest. 

Of course, alongside time, come changes. And what great changes came the following winter. 

Tendou had become more enraptured in volleyball and you had been consumed by school. Needless to say, you weren’t spending as much time together as you possibly could. It was bits and pieces you’d collected through the weeks. From short ‘hello’s to an even shorter nod of the head. 

The weeks spent without him were harder than they needed to be but you could manage. You always did. You thought about the winter break approaching and all the free time you’d both have. A little excitement bubbled inside you at the thought.

When you two got to hang out, it was one of your usual activities. Watch a movie at whoever’s house, eat, and maybe walk around town and treat yourself. 

All felt normal except this new look in Tendou’s eyes whenever you caught him looking at you. You couldn’t really tell what it was. 

On one occasion, it was right in the middle of some movie. 

“What’s up?”

“...Nothing, nothing, just keep watching the movie. I’m going to get us some drinks,” he tells you. 

You blush a little and listen as he says. 

You hang out a little more during the break before returning to school. Only to be consumed by school again. Not that Tendou minded, though, he hardly checked up on you after the break. You could say it affected you somewhat that he didn’t seem to really care. But you understood you were both busy and you shouldn’t make a big deal about it. 

“Hey, Satori, are you free this weekend?”

“Sorry, Y/N, can’t do anything this weekend.”

Or “Hey, Satori? Want to go to the bookstore? I’ve got a pretty neat coupon.”

Or “Want to go to the park? I can spike on you.”

Which were all met with the same dry and bland responses. 

You forget when you gave up on Satori but was that even relevant?

Anyway, you start focusing on yourself more. Realizing that the company of yourself is much calmer than that of someone you hardly know. You do things for yourself and yourself only. Albeit does sound selfish but it’s ok to be selfish sometimes. 

You were at your favorite spot in the park. You’d grabbed a book and some tea on your way. 

Well into the book and about halfway through your book, you see someone approaching you in the corner of your eyes. When you look up and see a particular fire red, and that look, you internally cringe. 

Now you’d thought long and hard about this look. Came to the conclusion that it was some sort of sadness, it was sickening. Looking back at the times and you’d see that look and think something along the lines of ‘adoration’ or ‘infatuation’, it made you feel silly and stupid now.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Hey, Tendou.” 

You both look at each other awkwardly. 

“Saw you sitting here. Thought you’d want some company,” he admitted. 

“Why?” you ask. 

“Oh uh I don’t know. Figured. For old times sake.”

“Tendou.”

“Sorry, Y/N, you just looked so lone--”

“You know I’ve realized some things these past few months. Where you’d ignore me and pretend I don’t even exist--”

“Y/N-”

“I,” you interrupt his interruption, “ desire to be alone.”

“I desire to be alone.

And you look at me in pity.

But I don’t want your pity. No. 

I want to be alone.” 

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“Don’t be sorry, Tendou. Be glad. Glad I don’t bombard you with plans anymore and that I’ve found my peace like this. That I can be alone but never lonely.”

[cassanovancats]

herding cats

becoming nekoma's manager

You really didn’t want to be here. Here being Tokyo, here being Nerima ward and, most importantly, here being the hallway of your new school. The uniform is itchy and you’re being dragged along by some student council member because, apparently, first years can’t be trusted to walk around themselves.

He was nice enough, though he certainly seemed more excited to show you around when he got a look at you. Then he got more excited when he found out your mom’s occupation was what brought you to Nekoma High halfway through your first-year. “So, what’s it like having a famous mom?”

Your eyes darted to the side instinctively. What kind of question is that? How are you supposed to answer? Like having a mom except you get asked things like that. “Uh, fine. She’s really not that cool.” Especially for moving you so late into the school year because her animation studio decided working distantly wasn’t working. “I get spoilers sometimes.” It’s exactly what he wants to hear.

You can hear the next question already, so you cut him off before he gets a chance to ask about the upcoming episode of the anime your mother was working on. “Ah, it seems we made it to the classroom. Thank you for helping me, Senpai.” You bow half heartedly and knock on the door before he gets a chance to respond.

This is exactly what you told your mother would happen. Even as you introduce yourself to the class, there’s a few people who instantly recognize your last name. Those students turn to whisper or pass notes and you know by lunch, you’ll be crowded by people hoping to become your friend purely for bragging rights. The teacher seems tuned to your inner angst, as she gracefully directs you to a seat in the back of the class, where you can watch instead of be watched.

The first subject of your people-watching is next to you - the one person who did not look up as you introduced yourself. A curtain of dark hair kept you from seeing any details of his face (and you can only tell it’s a he because of the uniform). What you can see is the screen of his handheld console and the bright features of one of your favorite games.

Which is why, during break, instead of making eye contact with any of the students striving to talk to you, you turn to him to complain about the latest update.

congrats, you befriended a wild kenma!

he’s the first person you’ve met in a while who doesn’t care about what your mom does, or how much money you have

he literally only cares about your ability to hard carry a team through a dungeon

a few weeks go by, with you basically just coming to school, talking to Kenma, and going home

until the student counselor comes to you and says you have to join a club

even though it’s the end of the year - some policy to ensure you have a club going into next year

“I hate this,” your complaint comes out severely muffled thanks to how you buried your face into folded arms. Kenma gives a noncommittal hum.

“Are you going to finish that?”

You glare at him but still shove the snack closer to his desk. One hand breaks away from his controller to snatch it, before it gets glued back to his PSP. “I’m serious - if one more club tries recruiting me, I’ll scream.”

He answers, sparing a side-glance towards you. The only hint he actually is listening. “Just warn me when that happens.” You groan and go back to your folded arms. It’s been hard to make friends despite people seeming desperate to be your friend. Well, that’s the problem, you think. You don’t particularly want friends who are planning what questions to ask before even greeting you, you want friends like Kenma who can treat you like a normal person.

Minutes before break ends, the president of the Anime Club approaches for the third time this week. “Hello, (l/n)-san. Have you thought any more about joining our club?”

You feel bad for the instinctive grimace. Really, she’s quite nice. It’s just an anime club is the last place you wish to be. Before you can find another polite way to let her down, Kenma interrupts. “Sorry, Sato-san. (y/n) is joining the volleyball club.”

“I am?” You can’t help but question. He shoots you a look, slighting narrowing his eyes.

“She’ll be meeting the captain at today’s practice.”

Sato-san tilts her head suspiciously but doesn’t press. “I hope to still see you around, (l/n)-san,” she says before flouncing off. You take a moment to reorient yourself.

“I am?”

Kenma sighs, saving his game and shoving the console into his bag. “Yeah, you are. Don’t worry, Kuroo will just be glad a girl is there. Coach Nekomata won’t decline help either.”

You blink at him. “Are you aware the only rules I know about volleyball is to not let the ball hit the ground and to only use your hands?”

“The last one isn’t true.”

“Do you see my point, then?”

yes he does, but he simply chooses to ignore you

it…. does not go well

Kuroo was awkward around you, which turned into a mischievousness when he realized Kenma was the one who brought you in

he kept insinuating you and Kenma were dating which like… no you were just a girl (space) friend

Yaku and Kai were normal-ish though Yaku straight-up asked if your mom was the (l/n)

he let it drop after confirmation at least

then… there was the students in your year

Kenma hovered near you, feeling responsible for putting you in a situation nearly identical to what Kuroo did to him

Yamamoto seemed flustered by your presence and also irritated that Kenma already was your friend

Fukunaga just kinda waved and went back to practicing

it took a while for everyone to get over their initial awkwardness, mostly being helped by having to constantly explain what was happening

but the time spent together meant you quickly found friends

friends who, similar to Kenma, dgaf about anything besides your personality and ability to quickly refill water bottles

Maybe you should have realized sooner what joining the volleyball club entailed. It’s not like you ever really participated in an organized sport though, so these summer practices were kicking your ass. The early morning and heat.... You felt pity for your boys; at least you weren’t having to run. Speaking of, the new members of your team just rounded the last bend.

“Come on, babies,” Kuroo cups his hands over his mouth to ‘encourage’ the first-years. “Even (y/n) could beat that!”

“Don’t say that; Lev’s gonna wanna see it!” you hiss, hitting his side.

Speaking of, the giant, silver puppy heads straight to you. After introductions, his upperclassmen quickly understood Lev required a, well, firm hand. Something you lacked which made you the target of his affections. “Woahh, (y/n)-senpai must be fast! Why don’t you actually play any sports?”

Yaku’s eyes level a harsh glare on him, “Are you trying to insult our manager?”

Shibayama steps forward, saving Lev from having to repeat his run. “I am curious why you chose to be a volleyball manager. No offense, but… you don’t seem to care about the sport.”

“Ah, none taken,” you easily wave off his concern. “Volleyball’s cool enough, but you’re right that I’m not passionate about it in the same way as others on the team. I mostly joined because of Kenma, actually.”

The first-years felt confused. How could their quiet, cat-senpai pull in one of the most popular girls in school? Even last year, when they were in Nekoma's middle-school, they had heard rumors of you. When you joined the volleyball club, even teachers started giving the once-golden club attention again. It was how the club received funding to travel to Miyagi next week. (In addition to a large donation from your mom, who was overjoyed you actually made friends.)

“He was my first and only friend at Nekoma for a long time,” you explain. Lev gasps dramatically. It seems impossible to imagine you without lines of admirers. “It doesn’t matter now since everyone in the club is my friend! Take your bottles and get in the gym; we need to talk about the logistics of going to that camp with Karasuno.”

the ones who stay behind are upset </3 cough cough lev

you’re pretty surprised you do get to go

but you’re excited - from what you understand it’s a rural area and you’ve been in Tokyo your entire life

maybe you'll even see a cow!

except you get there, walk a few feet and then notice Kenma is missing

excitement: ruined

Kuroo panics while repeating that he is not panicking

then you both get a text that’s just “in a playground”

when you find him, you scold him on talking to strangers

anyways the rest of the day is spent familiarizing yourself with the gyms and rooms

you run into Kiyoko while preparing dinner for your team

she explains she’s the only other manager at the camp, but she won’t be staying with you

You’re a lil upset bc sleepover ruined but it seems weird to complain about getting your own room and bath

(you still spend most of the time in the team’s room because it got really lonely without your boys :( )

the next morning, the day of the actual match, you get to wear your Official Manager Clothes

which is really just the track jacket, but it makes you feel cool

meeting karasuno is,,, interesting

you’re starting to think you’ll never find a normal volleyball player

From the corner of your eye, you spot Yamamoto attempting to intimidate some Karasuno players. With a sigh, you go to fetch him.

“Tora-kun, can you please help me bring in some supplies? They’re too heavy,” you whine. It’s you’re tried and true method to keeping him on a leash. If he’s helping you, he’s with the team.

Except you don’t just get his attention, you also get the attention of the boy he was staring down. Tanka startles at your sudden appearance behind Yamamoto and loses the harshness in his face. “G-girl-”

You make eye contact with Kenma who looks amused. He ignores your plead for help. Yamamoto takes the opportunity to flaunt you. “This is (y/n). Talk to her and you’ll learn how much pain a volleyball can inflict.” As he finishes his threat, he gets distracted by Kiyoko’s appearance over Tanka’s shoulder.

You decide it’s a lost cause and subtly inch away until you’re walking with Kiyoko. The boys are unable to hear what you’re talking about, but both stare dumbfounded as the only two girls in the entire camp gossip and laugh. Tanka and Yamamoto share a look; maybe there’s something shared between the two they didn’t see before.

“Is your idiot always like that?”

“Yeah, I assume that’s normal for your team too?”

[ectonurites]

can anybody please explain the appeal of tim drake because ive been into the batfamily for a while now and tbh im really confused on why people like his character so much compared to the other robins. like they all have their own thing going on and he just... doesnt?

Have you read his Robin solo? Because if not and you want to try to like him but just don’t understand why people do, that’s what I’d recommend. That and like, Young Justice 1998. 

Because Tim definitely... does have his own thing going on. Maybe not in the same way as the others, but like, there’s a reason he has a 183 issue long solo comic that ran for like 16 years: he was fun to read about!

But I will give some more specific thoughts on the subject as a Tim Drake Appreciator™ (this got long im sorry)

The appeal of Tim (especially early on Tim) is kinda the fact that he’s this more normal kid. For a while that is his ‘thing’. He was basically designed to be a self-insert (he definitely became more than that along the way, but from the start he was meant to be relatable) in a different way than how Dick and Jason had been before him. 

Like the role of Robin from the start was this way to create a character young readers could identify with more, could see themselves in more. And Dick and Jason did that, but they still had this element to their lives and stories that was more... unattainable for the average reader. Dick was a circus prodigy, Jason was either also a circus prodigy if we remember pre-crisis or if we go with his post-crisis story he’s this street-wise orphaned kid who had a really tough life but still went on to be a hero anyways. Obviously those lives are relatable for some people, but those’re definitely not as broadly recognized as common upbringings especially not by DC trying to market to the ‘average’ kid/young teen.

But the creation of Tim changed the game a bit. Dick and Jason were these aspirations a kid could look to like ‘wow I want to be cool like that!’ but Tim was a Robin designed for kids to look at and go ‘wow, his problems and civilian life are just like mine AND he’s a hero, I want to be cool like that!’, ya know? Tim was... just a clever kid with an average life who managed to connect some dots and had enough drive to want to fix things he saw were a problem, he didn’t have the same kind of heightened drama backstory the others did. The Robins that came after Tim definitely didn’t have this idea of relatability in mind the same way either. Unfortunately Steph’s time as Robin was much more of a marketing ploy than an actual like... decision to make her Robin, so it’s hard to really fit her into this conversation. But Damian from the start was first of all initially created not to be Robin but just as the son of Talia and Bruce back in the 80’s, but when he was later reimagined into the character that would become Robin he had the whole ‘raised by and is the heir to the league of assassins and is the son of batman’ thing going on still. He just was not supposed to be relatable that same way, he was a character designed with different things in mind.

I really think it was more just DC’s 90′s era younger-audience comics in general that tried to push that relatability thing (like in YJ how Cissie even after quitting the team stays a major character as a civilian throughout, and the civilian aspect that’s super present in Bart’s 90s solo too, etc), but later in the 2000’s that idea was definitely pushed to the side in favor of... putting in even more dramatic superhero-y stuff.

And the other thing that’s... such a more normal thing but it actually made him unique here, was that Tim’s dad was still alive until like 2004 (so 15 years into Tim being around as a character). This gave Tim a lot more typical ‘family school girlfriends normal life etc’ problems on top of/in contrast with his superhero problems. These just manifested in very different ways than they could with the other Robins because of that unique situation with a living civilian parent who doesn’t know about hero stuff (until he did find out which lead to that whole Unmasked thing, but there was only the brief time around War Games & Identity Crisis where Jack knew Tim was actively Robin and he was... still alive) Tim also had his life at school expanded way more than most other Robins, like, he had such an extended supporting cast of civilian friends which is a really interesting thing to read about (and the fact that he hasn’t had that stuff since the New 52 I think really hurts his character)

And then related to that loss of his dad... Personally another thing about Tim that really interests me is how a lot of things were more... his choice. if that makes sense. A lot of characters in the Batfamily were struck with tragedy/extreme trauma before they became heroes and that’s what spurred them into this life of becoming heroes. Tim’s situation wasn’t like that at all! When he first got involved in everything during Lonely Place of Dying, the only tragedy he’d experienced was watching Dick’s tragedy happen. Which sure yes traumatic obviously, but that’s not the same as how pretty much all the other Bats had gone through these very personal losses or other sorts of very first-hand personal traumas that served as motivators. Tim didn’t start to experience those things until after he got involved in the hero life, and aside from his Mom’s death which was more of just an unrelated incident (that technically happened before he was officially Robin but it was during his time training to become Robin), pretty much all these other tragedies and things... would not have happened or been experienced by him had he not become Robin. 

That’s not me placing blame on him or anything like that, because god no that’s not how that works, but it’s very interesting because from his point of view he definitely feels that guilt because he knows him being Robin played a role in a lot of it (Thinking specifically about in Adventure Comics #3 when Kon even says “I know what guilt does to you” to him like it’s... it’s a thing with him!). His dad was murdered because he was Robin. He only met Steph and started dating her through being Robin, and thus he would not have experienced the loss of his girlfriend dying like that had he not been Robin. Tim met both Conner and Bart through being Robin, and would not have had a personal connection to them when they died otherwise. The whole Bruce’s death thing after Final Crisis, like. I could go on honestly, that was only talking about losses not even his own experiences nearly getting killed, but yeah, all these personal tragedies were experienced by him specifically because he chose to bring himself into this life, which I think in turn plays into how throughout his comics you see him go from having this really optimistic view on things and being really hopeful to seeing him at that low point he reaches by the time of Red Robin. (thinking about that one post that points out how Tim started out in the 90′s as an optimist and Steph a cynic and by the time they were Red Robin and Batgirl in 2009 they had switched outlooks...) 

I also think that him having had such a great team book with the original Young Justice can help contribute to people liking him. His friendships with the rest of the core four and that team in general are really compelling. (and that’s something like again when looking at the other Robins, while Dick had the Titans ofc, Jason never really found footing with a team outside of like one mission with the Titans and then We All Know How Damian’s Teen Titans Stuff Went. Steph also only ever really worked with a team outside the batfam on very brief occasions) and even though I’m not as big of a fan of the 2003 Teen Titans run that came after YJ, people who read Young Justice and also that could follow and be attached to those same characters over a pretty decently long period of time. 

Idk man, I don’t really have an ultimate point here i’m just rambling. I can definitely understand not seeing the appeal to him right away (honestly i’ve been into Batfam since like 2013/2014 and Tim did not become one of my faves until 2020) especially if like... idk when you say ‘into the batfamily’ that can mean a lot of different things. If you’re reading more like the bigger events with the batfam sure Tim can kinda fade into the bg a bit, if you’re more talking about fanon the fanon version of him is prettyyyyy uhhhhh not really the same as how he was in pre New 52 canon, if you’re mainly reading New 52 era Batfam stuff then that Tim I also don’t understand the appeal of bc thats Not My Boy, if you’re interested in a different member primarily and only familiar with Tim when he shows up in things focused on that other character then it’s easy to not really understand the appeal right away bc he’s more there to support that character rather than shine in his own right. 

I think it’s also worth mentioning he’s just not everybody’s cup of tea, and that’s totally fine. Like, these are fictional characters and sometimes you just will vibe with a character and sometimes you won’t! idk if this helped at all or even made sense. but yeah. I just think he’s neat 😌

[gwyns]

I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone draw parallels between Feyre leaving Tamlin for her Mate to Elain leaving Azriel for her Mate. (Ignoring the fact I hate Rhysand, the books obviously want me to think he's the best person ever so I'll just pretend). Because that's what I see happening.

Elain and Azriel are so clearly rebounds for one another. Elain's still grieving her human love and life, and Azriel is still hung up on Mor. They're both quiet and available, so they jump to each other. That's it. The Azriel POV was purely about what he wants. How he wants to fuck her and taste her. He's just sex to her.

Even if E/riels had a more convincing case, it's not like SJM hasn't pulled a SIKE on us before. If she goes anywhere with E/riel, she'll undoubtedly pull it back. SJM doesn't take Mating bonds lightly, and she's stated that she loves Lucien. And if anyone deserves the happiness of a bond, it's him.

Feyre and Rhys, and Cassian and Nesta, all had relationships/lovers before Mating. Elain "liking" Az now, (which we're not even clear on), doesn't really mean much.

I'd like to hear your thoughts! You're so good at this, and you always explain my thoughts so perfectly. Love and light 💕💕💕

honestly there are quite a few feysand/elucien parallels that people either don't see or choose to ignore.

rhysand was first presented as a villain to feyre, the same could be applied to lucien just bc of his envolvement with tamlin (that he wrongfully gets blamed for btw idk why e/riels love blaming tamlin's mistakes on lucien). feyre was engaged before she went to rhys, elain was engaged before she met lucien. both were/are? still hung up on their former fiances. feysand as a couple represents the night, elucien would represent (at least in part) day. it's literally night and day with them. they're similar but also wholly their own pairing, it's fascinating to me.

anyway i think i will use this ask to spill some of my e/riel opinions sorry about that! alright let's start off with this controversial statement: i don't think e/riel was ever meant to be endgame.

i've seen it said a few times over the years that sarah changed her mind about elucien and while that's possible bc she also previously changed her mind on lucien and nesta one has to ask themselves..... if she wanted to write a mate bond rejection why didn't she stick with her original plan of lucien and nesta being mates? she's said herself that they wouldn't work but she chose to change lucien's mate to someone who compliments him better, and it's to feyre's other sister no less. that tells me lucien is important and powerful, he's mated to one of the sisters, one of the key players of the entire series.

another point is we can assume (and we could be wrong, let me put this here before someone yells at me or vague blogs about it) that sjm had an elucien endgame in mind when writing acowar, right? and when she was touring for that book hadn't she already started work on acofas? and we know that she's never on social media, so if she had an elucien endgame in mind when she wrote all of the supposed e/riel "evidence" where does that leave us?

drama. tension. conflict. angst.

i think that's what it all comes down to. people will say that elucien was a front while e/riel is the true endgame but... it all seems a bit easy, doesn't it? e/riel is right in your face while elucien is silently brewing in the background. what if the bait and switch isn't elucien, but e/riel?

sarah has shown us before that she likes to use her characters as ways for her other characters to end up with their endgame matches. for example, without tamlin, feyre wouldn't have met rhys. and moving over to throne of glass for a second, if not for chaol, aelin wouldn't have met rowan. and in turn, if aelin hadn't given yrene the money she needed in tab, chaol wouldn't have met her.

are the e/riel scenes romantically coded? yes, probably. i'm not saying they aren't, some people picked up on it but i personally didn't get that vibe myself, especially in acowar, but acofas kinda blurred the lines a bit. but even then, i didn't think they'd work out and i still don't understand the arguments that are supposed to be in their favor from that book. elain says she doesn't want a male so that excludes lucien but not azriel somehow? that line means she doesn't want any fae, she wants a human man, she wants graysen. then we have lucien saying he can't even stand to be in the same room as elain which i never read as a "oh i hate this person" kinda way. no, it's bc the whole situation between them is awkward and it obviously makes both of them uncomfortable. it doesn't help when literally all of the inner circle is constantly around them, and being in the night court in general doesn't give them the privacy to get to know each other.

some people like to ask why build e/riel up at all if they're not going to be together? one thing i've always loved about sjm's books is how she can write relationships. now, let's say you meet someone irl and you like them, eventually maybe fall in love with them, and fail to notice how they're not good for you. maybe everyone around you can see it, but you don't. you want a relationship and you're in a decent one, it should work out. like they're not a bad person, this relationship just isn't right for you in the long run. why waste your time? it's life. sometimes things are good for you at a certain point in time but not later on. sometimes you just end up in a relationship that was never good for you. sometimes you fall out of love with someone. you're constantly learning and adapting to things and that's my stance on e/riel. i think they're both looking for companionship and they're the "safest" and most available option.

taking it back to acofas, azriel was relived to not have to get elain a gift and was still gazing longingly at mor. now in acosf he's avoiding talking about her while wanting to fuck elain and getting defensive when helion mentions mor. he's not over her. he's not going to just completely forget 500 years of pining bc elain showed up, especially when they haven't even helped one another to move on. if they had, we would have seen the proof of that. not just "oh she's hot we both want sex", that doesn't make a healthy relationship.

as for elain, she's been taught she has to act a certain way her entire life. she has to downplay her trauma and emotions to appease others so they don't worry about her. maybe she's even had visions involving lucien that upset/scare her somehow and she's reaching out for something else. i think they're both lonely and desperate (at least on az's end) for someone that they ultimately are drawn to the wrong people.

as for the lack of elucien development... this is how i see it. if they're endgame, why would sarah have all of their big moments happen off screen or as a throwaway line in acosf? elain is getting a book, we know this, and with how much of the story is tied to lucien and how much is left unresolved with him, we can also assume he'd get a pov at some point. so imo it makes sense for the fact we got little to no development for them in acosf. no, she wants a huge wedge between them so we can watch them come together. the payoff will be that much sweeter. kinda similar to how she put a wedge between nessian before acosf, sure they had more development in acowar than elucien but i think that's bc sarah knew they'd get the first spinoff. she had to give them that development whereas elucien can wait, a bit longer. it's frustrating yes but i do think we'll get something in acotar 5.

maybe i'm an optimistic fool, maybe sarah did at one point have an endgame in mind for them, but i find it hard to believe she wouldn't see how wrong they are for each other in the long run. she's very good at showing us how well characters fit together with just a few lines.

[pepperdee]

Five Fluffy Facts tag game

I've decided that I'm saying these tag games are sponsored by people instead of merely the product of being tagged because I think it's funny. anyway this post is sponsored by @akindofmagictoo

rules: list five or more cute or wholesome facts about your WIP, either events that happen or worldbuilding details or the like! then tag some people you’d like to see do the tag game, too!

1. Ashons who want to propose to their partner(s) do so by writing them a song. Most of the time, the song will be based off that one really strange tune they compulsively play when their love(s) enter the room....

2. Guin "adopts" any new kid until they find a friend group they fit into. Sometimes even longer if they chose wrong.

3. Clove specifically goes to school dances to dance with lonely kids.

4. Ashor also has soulmate necklaces called Alsers. You can go to a prophet of the love deity and you can get a necklace predicting the gender identity/Elements of either a familial, platonic, or romantic soulmate. Alsers translate the language of any Empire you are in, and anything your soulmate (f/p/r) says.

5. Dedrick can and will fall asleep if you play with his hair, even if he's not tired

I tag anyone else who wants to gush about their wip bc right now i have half a sluggish braincell

[arimendoza]

to the anon who asked this: It’s loving cedric diggory hours in my brain so I’d love to read you venting your headcanons about him?? What do you think about his childhood and family and friends and what happened to them after (because Cursed Child isn’t canon)

tumblr deleted ur ask RIGHT as i posted it and im so sorry i hope u still see this bc i love it so much thank u for giving me an excuse to write about my favorite character :(((

i have a lot of feelings about cedric diggory

------------

it’s always been one of my biggest headcanons that cedric is a slytherin secondary

we see him as being kind. he is kind. and good. and brave. but he’s also ambitious, driven, resourceful. cedric diggory is a strong leader. but his determination is a double-edged sword, and his ambition can become ruthless:

"i thought you were gonna let it get me." / "for a second there i thought the same."

so kind, yet with this underlying, almost desperate self preservation and ambition that he might not even realize isn't his 

“he could have been anything.” but what does that mean? what did he want? or was he too busy thinking of what everyone else wanted?

because this is cedric diggory as we see him: composed, polite, the ideal and ultimate gentleman. intelligent, compassionate, reliable. powerful, intuitive, handsome. perfect.

but imagine, just imagine the intense pressure, the expectations, the constant delivery he feels he owes to people who perceive him as all those things, and then some.

this is largely because of how i see him growing up

amos diggory was nothing if not proud. so he did everything to transfer all that pride onto his only son:

private tutoring, gruelling flying lessons (all theory of course, though as soon as his father deemed him old enough, tested his natural instinct on a broom), and limited free time made for a clever boy, if not a lonely one

he didn’t see anyone outside of his immediate family much. they preferred to keep to themselves.

but he definitely saw all the other kids outside his bedroom window, laughing and playing and so free. sometimes he thinks about asking his dad if he could join them

but he can see the disappointed shake of the head, hear the “you were made for better things, my boy. greater things than playing pretend.”

and his mother, for all her kindness, he could never bring himself to ask. she never expressed direct expectations the way his father did. but cedric was clever. she didn’t have to say it out loud for him to know.

so he works. and perseveres. quietly and alone, until he goes to hogwarts

growing up, he wonders if perhaps playing pretend was all he was ever good at

he pretends his father is proud of him being sorted into hufflepuff

the letter he received was not scathing, but just had enough subtle disappointment in it that it crushed him.

he didn’t tell his father he was a hatstall. that he chose hufflepuff, in the end. in a way

“you’d do well in any house, you know. be anyone.” the hat had said

i just want to be myself. 

“oh my dear boy. you don’t even know who that is yet”

he pretends he wants to be a Seeker.

also a fairly popular headcanon, but i do think cedric was aware he was not made to be one because of how he’s built, but did it because “Seekers get all the glory, son. and it’s always worth the glory, isn’t it?”

he becomes Seeker. he’s praised for his fast swerves. he tells no one how much pain it gives him to execute them. he practices day and night anyway

he becomes captain. it should make him happy, and he is. it makes his dad proud too, but his shoulders sag just a little lower as another weight is placed on them

he pretends he doesn’t care for art (“it’s silly, son. there are better things, more practical things.”)

but cedric loves poetry, the abstract. it’s why his favorite and best subject is charms

he meets a ravenclaw boy who likes to write poetry as well. they bumped into each other in the library in what was both their ‘favorite spot’

he plays quidditch too, thinks he has a shot at captain

cedric diggory and roger davies became fast friends

two sides of the same coin, really. handsome, intelligent, athletic. but a bit lonely, reserved. their silence is taken for cockiness, sometimes

the main difference? roger doesn’t much care for other people’s opinions. it’s where he and cedric clash, where most of their arguments stem from. but they do help each other grow because of it

he pretends he doesn’t need friends, but makes them anyway

his father always stressed the importance of good connections, for networking and all that. and even from a young age it was clear that cedric was charming. a natural silver-tongue. he could probably make people fall at his feet, should he have wanted.

but as much as cedric cared about his own reputation, he never much cared for status, and always saw the good in others. or tried to, at least

so he and roger became close. roger introduced him to cho chang. she was pretty, also reserved, also liked quidditch. seeker

he also grew close to hecate oakham and bhavana patel from his house. hecate was often alone, in her own head. she gave cedric fresh perspective and listened, always. he did his best to do the same.

bhavana liked spending time in the greenhouse. it’s also one of cedric’s go-to places to think, clear his head.

his father thought he could perhaps do better. cedric thinks he’s struck gold.

cedric loved his friends so much, and he thought then that this is the closest he’s ever felt to understanding, and being understood

although he could never fully drop the facade in front of them, he let them see him at his worst: his disappointment, his anger (when cedric is angry, he doesn’t show it, preferring to repress and then possibly write it out later. but when he’s angry, he’s angry, piercing. ruthless and relentless, words coming out in passionate outbursts, as if the air was crackling around him from wild magic. people would have called it uncharacteristic of him, but did they ever really know him well enough to think so?)

still, he would say these were the best friends he’s ever had. the best time he’s ever had. he was happy

and then he meets harry, properly, and he’s both elated and so, so afraid. he pretends it doesn’t matter.

(he pretends he wasn’t absolutely hit with guilt after winning that one match. first, because he felt like he didn’t deserve it. second, because people think he didn’t deserve it. that on any other day, his hard work would never amount to anything next to natural talent. third, because even after all of this, a part of him was still glad he ended up catching the snitch)

(he pretends he didn’t ask to see harry when he was at the hospital wing after that disastrous match with the dementors either)

he pretends he’s fearless. that he wants to join the tournament

he’s already a prefect. quidditch captain, on the way to head boy. why not eternal glory? it’s worth it, isn’t it? everyone thinks he could do it. everyone thinks he could win. everyone thinks he should

“you don’t have to, ced.” roger says. 

“no, i do.”

he hopes the goblet doesn’t spew out his name. it does. he smiles, goes up. takes his place.

“good luck.” roger yells at him, concern in his eyes

he pretends he doesn’t know what their exchange really means

“dragons. that’s the first task.” i’m worried about you

“why are you telling me this?” worry about yourself, too

harry moves to leave. cedric pulls him back. harry stares at his hand. is this when you ask? 

“the badges. i’ve asked them not to wear them.” are you okay? i care about you.

“don’t worry about it.” i guess not. but thank you. 

he and cho pretend they want to go to the ball together

his father, of course, is elated. pretty, smart, athletic, from a good family.

she stares wistfully at hermione granger throughout the entire champions’ dance

cedric catches harry’s eye. it was like a million snitches were whizzing around in his stomach. not like how it was with roger, at first. this was so much stronger.

he pretends he tells harry about the egg only because it’s good sportsmanship. but harry is done pretending.

when cedric goes to congratulate him for tying for first place, harry kisses him

roger smiles knowingly when he he sees cedric at the library, absolutely beaming

but there was still that part of cedric, that voice in his head that tells him he’ll ruin it, that he doesn’t deserve it. it asks him, worst of all, will you still be happy, even with your father’s disappointment? 

so when does cedric diggory not pretend?

when he writes, and shares his writing with his friends

when he laughs so hard he snorts

when he’s flying. not for quidditch, but for fun

when he kisses harry back

when he says ‘together.’

when he tells harry to stay back

(he pretends he was ready to die)

so this is cedric diggory as we deserve to have known him: flawed and good. imperfect and kind. conflicted and brave

he could have been anything, but we didn’t see him live long enough for even him to figure out what it was he really wanted to be, who he wanted to be. 

the only comfort we have is, in his final weeks, those final moments, he could tell himself he was finally, finally proud of the person he was becoming 

he hopes history will think the same

BONUS:

roger, cho, hecate, bhavana, and of course harry mourned him. quietly, but together

roger

his first real friend. his best friend. he saw cedric the most, physically and emotionally. he thought maybe one day he’d get to see all of him, his flaws and his grievances and his silliness. he’d like to think so. he will never know, now.

people thought he’d honor cedric through quidditch, or something of the sort.

he wrote instead. he wrote for himself, for cedric. eternalized through writing.

every year he’d write something for cedric’s birthday, go to his grave and read it out to him

he’s scared of the day he runs out of memories. wishes they could still make more.

but as he tells cedric of his life now, his hardships and his triumphs and how much he misses him, he thinks he’s doing his best.

in this own, sad way, cedric is still with him. this is how they will make memories.

cho

cho cries, has a hard time sleeping. dark circles, bloodshot eyes, his death affects her the most physically.  she ignores the whispers, the confused stares at her emotional turmoil. but she has always been confident with her feelings, saw no shame in expressing them.

her performance falls in quidditch.

she remembers Seeking matches with him and later with harry, the way they’d laugh and how bright cedric’s smile had been

flying hadn’t been the same since. she hopes one day it will be.

next to roger, she visits cedric the most.

hecate

no one besides their circle of friends knew it, but cedric diggory was clumsy

she remembers the way he bumped into her when he was walking through the grounds, realizing he tripped over his robe

sorry he had said. i was lost in thought 

he looked like he had a lot on his mind then, as if he expected her to laugh at him.

funny, she had replied. i’m quite the same. are you headed to the lake?

and she remembers them sitting there. in comfortable silence, in easy conversation.

now she sits alone, cries silent tears, watches them run and spill and imagines them to merge with the lake

bhavana

cedric was knowledgeable about plants, but his skill at taking care of them was...questionable

she caught him, in the greenhouse, monologuing to himself

she remembered him stopping abruptly, coughing shyly. but she only laughed, said your secret’s safe with me

so she plants in memory of him, watches them grow and bloom the way he never can, now, treats them with the utmost care she wishes others had with him

harry

harry stays angry for a long time

the nightmares come every night, except this time, he doesn’t wake up in cedric’s arms

he couldn’t bring himself to visit his grave. not yet. he doesn’t know when yet, or if he ever could.

cedric diggory is harry’s first real loss.

he could have saved him. if he had never let cedric take the cup, if he had recognized the place faster, if he just got cedric to not move forward for the sake of his protection. 

this was harry’s new everyday, the what ifs running through his mind at every waking moment. and sometimes he hears a laugh, sees the way someone’s smile is crooked, a snippet of a song and everything is familiar and foreign and he aches and aches. and his heart breaks a little more

and it wasn’t love, not yet. but harry remembers the way they looked at each other, the way they smiled and laughed and played and kissed and were

it could have been love, and harry wonders if he’ll ever feel that way again

so he forms the DA, in cedric’s memory. meets with roger and cho and hecate and bhavana. they all stare at cedric’s picture in the room. haunted

and harry strives to do better. to be better.

(“who’s cedric? your boyfriend?” he was)

amos diggory mourned loudly. part of him resented harry, but only because the other part of him couldn’t help but think all of this was his fault, and his fault alone

if he pressured his son a little less, let him live as he wanted, and love as he wanted

if he spent more time with cedric

if he said the words “i love you” more often, told him “i am proud of you, always.”

 but he tells himself cedric must know. cedric had to have known

he doesn’t speak to cedric’s friends. tries to forget about harry potter

a hollow shell of a man, mourning for a son he never really knew.

he hopes history will treat cedric kinder than he ever did.

[gabriel-agreste-has-no-rights]

Rating: G

Summary:  With the help of the baby he found along the way, Mr. Banana sets out to rescue Princess Floria. If he can return her to Paris, she should be able to end Lord Gabriel's war on magical creatures. He'll only have to fight off giant lollipop monsters, Mayura's minions, and his own feelings along the way.

Word Count:  3082 | Chapter 1/2

Notes: I blame @botherkupo. Floria’s her name for August’s mom. Overall I’m torn between pride and regret at writing this. i wont tag maddy bc i think she’s suffered enough for her sins

XXX

“Lollipop!” The baby—Mr. Banana had taken to calling him Greenie, on account of his radioactive green eyes—cried out and tried to clutch at the castle in the distance.

“No, it’s not a lollipop,” Mr. Banana laughed as he adjusted Greenie on his hip. It did look like one, though, with the swirling stripes and colorful shingles on its turrets. “Here you go, little guy. This is even better than a lollipop.”

He stopped walking to bend down and pluck another onion from the ground. Some people thought he lived off of nothing but bananas, and that that was the reason he looked the way he did.  It always boggled him. Didn’t they know that would be like cannibalism? But onions—now those were a vegetable he could get behind.

Sometimes he chose to pretend it was his onion breath that kept all the other fairy tale creatures away, and not the fact that he was a giant sentient banana.

“Lollipop?” Greenie tried holding the onion by its tall grassy top, as if it were a stick. When the onion drooped, he spun it around like it was the heroic Ladybug’s magic yo-yo. 

At least the baby was entertained. Mr. Banana had run out of lollipops about ten kilometers ago, so it was the best he could do.

Unfortunately, that meant that he had to carry Greenie instead of Greenie carrying him.

“At least I’ll have some nice biceps to impress the princess with.”  He flexed his free arm and grinned.  Well, he was already grinning.  His face just sort of did that, no matter how he was feeling.  His neighbors probably found that more unsettling than the onion breath.

Greenie didn’t mind, though.  He just gurgled and swung his onion at Mr. Banana’s peel.

Two hours and one diaper change later, Mr. Banana stood in the castle’s shadow.

“Lollipop,” Greenie said with wide eyes.  Mr. Banana held him close, patting his back.  The castle might look disarming with all its pastel colors, but Lord Gabriel had told him that a terrible monster guarded the princess inside.

Not for the first time, Mr. Banana wondered if this quest was worth it.  Lord Gabriel wanted him to retrieve Princess Floria, who had been imprisoned by the enigmatic witch Mayura over a year ago.  Mr. Banana didn’t understand all the details.  He just knew that Lord Gabriel said the princess’ brilliant red hair could heal any ailment.

Maybe it could even Mr. Banana into a human.

No point in getting his hopes up about that, though.  He still had to actually save the princess first.

“You’d better stay outside, Greenie.”  He set the baby down in a patch of grass.  “It might be dangerous in there.”

“Nana?”  He reached out, opening and closing his tiny fists.  His radioactive eyes were wide, like he was about to cry.

Mr. Banana’s grin faltered.  “I’ll be right back.  I promise.”

Ever since Mr. Banana had saved Greenie from Lord Gabriel’s minions, they’d been attached like apples and bananas.  Magical creatures like himself and the baby weren’t safe in Paris.  Hopefully, Princess Floria could change that.

Mr. Banana saluted the baby before pushing open the heavy castle door.

“Stay peachy, little guy.”

XXX

The inside of the castle was just as bright as the outside.  Weren’t castles supposed to be dark and scary?  But this one was decorated with bright purple and blue swirls across the walls and up the pillars.  It was prettier than Mr. Banana’s lonely swamp, honestly.

But pretty or not, the castle was lonely.  Mr. Banana hadn’t seen a single sign of life.  Was the princess actually here?  If no one was guarding her, wouldn’t she have just run away?

Maybe there were guards further inside, near the tower.  He’d better be careful.

He pushed open another large door.  This one was pinky-orange, like a soft ripe peach.  His stomach rumbled; he should’ve eaten that onion on the way here.

“Woah,” he breathed when he entered the room.  “Greenie would love this.”

Giant lollipops seemed to grow along the walls of the chamber.  Were they part of the castle’s magic?  Or did Princess Floria spend her days gardening lollipops to pass the time? ...Could you even garden lollipops?  He didn’t think so, but then again, most people didn’t think living bananas existed, either.

No time to get distracted, though.  He crept through the chamber, leaving footprints in the thin layer of sugar that dusted the floor.  If his were the only footprints here, he could at least be pretty sure the room was deserted.

A low rumble sounded from the far end of the room.  

Okay, not deserted then.  

He froze as a cluster of lollipops peeled from the walls, then latched together like the limbs of a saccharine golem.  Despite not having a face, it seemed to swivel to look at him.

“Uh-oh.” He gulped.

Time to make like a banana and split.

He dashed down a corridor branching off of the chamber.  The thundering footsteps of the lollipop monster crashed behind him.  That thing would be too fast to outrun, and his potassium-filled heart was already beating as fast as it could go.  Should he dive out a window?  No, the castle was at the edge of a cliff; he’d end up mush in the chasm below.  But this hallway seemed to stretch on forever, and the monster was gaining on him.

He tripped over the plush carpet.  This was it.  After everything, he was going to get crushed by a giant lollipop monster.

But if he was gone—who would take care of Greenie?

He rolled to the side, and the monster’s lollipop fist shattered the floor where he’d been lying.  That could be him next, if he didn’t get up soon.

He scrambled to his feet, but still nearly slipped into the fresh hole.  That dark abyss was not peachy.

“Wait—that’s it!”  He grinned.  (Well, he was already grinning, but his heart was in it now.)

He dashed further down the hall while the monster was shaking the dust from its spherical fist.  Then, he removed a section of his peel.  There was no time for blushing modesty; he dropped it on the floor and kept running.

A few moments later, he heard a giant crash.  Hopefully the monster slipping on the peel.  He didn’t look back to check.

He finally reached a spiral staircase at the end of the hall, and sprinted up the steps two at a time.

XXX

“Wow,” Mr. Banana whispered as he reached the top of the tower.  He could’ve stared at the gossamer curtains, or the plush carpet, or the broken bits of lollipop hung from the ceiling, catching the afternoon light like stained glass.  But each of those things only got a passing glance.

The real beauty was the princess lying sprawled on the couch.

Her limbs were askew; one arm hung off the side, fingers dangling in a piece of peach pie.  (Clearly she had good taste.)  A soft snore escaped her, sending his heart stuttering.  But the most stunning thing about her was her brilliant red hair.  It fell around her face in waves.  One strand was stuck in her mouth, and seemed to be plastered to her cheek with drool.

He hated to wake her when she was sleeping so soundly, but he had no idea when the lollipop monster would right itself, or if it could fit up through the spiral stairs.  Either way, he would surely have to get Princess Floria past it.  He hadn’t really thought that far ahead yet.

“Um, Princess?”  He stepped forward and tapped her shoulder.  

No response other than a louder snore.  This wasn’t some kind of magical sleep, was it?  In all the stories, true love’s kiss could wake any unconscious princess, but that wouldn’t help him.  He was a banana.  He couldn’t be anyone’s true love.

“Princess Floria?”  He shook her a little harder.

“Ah!”  She bolted upright, fists swinging.

He yelped and sprung back, but not before taking a punch to the nose.  “Ow...”

“Oh my gosh.” Floria’s eyes widened.  Her hands covered her mouth.  “Are you okay?  I’m so sorry, I’m—wait, who are you?”

He flashed his best grin (well, his normal grin) and flexed his arms.  “I’m your knight in shining peel, Princess.  Here to rescue you from this castle.”  

She took him in from stem to toe.  Maybe he should have worried about modesty—it would take a day for that strip of peel to grow back, and he was painfully aware of how naked his side would look. Still, he wouldn’t let his worry show.  She didn’t have to like him; she just had to come with him.

And, hopefully, fix his curse.

“You—you’re a banana.”

“Mr. Banana, actually.”  That’s what he’d taken to calling himself, anyway.  If he had a real name, no one had ever bothered to tell him.  Maybe he should’ve picked something a little more… normal-sounding.  Well, he could pick a new one if he got to become human.  

He was thinking Louis.  That had a nice ring to it.

“Is this some kind of joke?”  Princess Floria asked.  Whatever remorse she’d had for punching him had vanished.  She rubbed the back of her hand across her cheek, scraping off the dried drool.  “Why did Mayura send you?  Isn’t trapping me here enough?”

“Mayura—?  No, I’ve never met her.  Lord Gabriel sent me, actually.  He said Mayura should be on vacation this week.”

“Oh, that’s so much better.”  She crossed her arms, getting peach filling on the sleeve of her green dress.  “Mayura may be a witch, but I trust her on one thing.  Gabriel’s more of a heartless monster than any creature she’s created.”

Mr. Banana blinked.  None of this was going how he imagined.

“So, uh… does that mean you don’t want me to rescue you…?”

She sighed.  “Sorry.  None of this is your fault.  I’ve just—it’s been a long time, and talking to the sentimonsters gets pretty boring after a while.  Mayura only comes around when she wants to vent about something, so… yeah.  Shall we?”

She held out her hand, as if expecting him to help her to her feet.  That hand happened to be the one with peach pie still stuck to it.

He shrugged and tugged her up.  “Guess we shall.”

XXX

“You didn’t slay the monster?”  The princess gaped while crouching behind him.

Mr. Banana stared over the side of the spiral staircase, where the lollipop monster was trying to shove its bulbous fist through the handrail’s supporting bars.

“I’m a banana!  I don’t know anything about killing monsters!”

“Then why did Lord Gabriel even send you?”

“I was the only one who would try!”  

He was the only one with nothing to lose.  Well, except Greenie, but the baby would’ve been taken by Lord Gabriel if Mr. Banana hadn’t complied.

The sentimonster shook the staircase again.  If he didn’t find a way out soon, the structure would crumble right into the monster’s sugary clutches.

“You couldn’t just eat the lollipop thing, could you?”  Mr. Banana grinned at the princess.

She gave him a deadpan stare.  “Not any more than I could just eat you.”

Sweat beaded on the outside of his peel.  “R-right.  Just throwing out ideas.”

He couldn’t make the monster slip again; its feet were already planted on the ground.  Maybe he could slip through its legs?  But he wasn’t confident he could carry Princess Floria at the same time.

The princess gripped the railing with white knuckles.  “Maybe we could—”

“Lollipop!”  A high-pitched voice interrupted her.

Mr. Banana’s eyes widened.  He leaned over the rail, searching the floor below.

“Greenie!”  He spotted the baby crawling towards the monster.  His dark brown face was powdered with sugar, but those radioactive eyes were unmistakable.  (Plus, there probably wasn’t another baby in the castle.) 

“Is that—August!”  The princess shouted.

And then, before Mr. Banana could stop her, she leapt over the railing.

“Floria!”  He reached out, but she was falling, falling, her green dress billowing up around her.  The sentimonster swung at her, but she gripped the stick of its arm and flipped from it like an acrobat on a trapeze.

Mr. Banana gaped as she stuck the landing.  She… she was incredible.

She scooped up Greenie while Mr. Banana was still tripping down the stairs.  The sentimonster couldn’t move fast, but it was still too big to outrun, especially if the princess was carrying a baby.

“Lollipop!”  Greenie wailed while Princess Floria rushed him away.

“Right, banana-split up!  Keep the monster confused.  Brilliant,” Mr. Banana said.

Well, it would have been brilliant, if it worked.  The monster only seemed interested in Floria.

He dashed after them, trying to keep up with the monster’s lumbering steps.

“Lollipop!  Lollipop!”  Greenie still screamed.  Now wasn’t the time for the baby’s sugar addiction— 

Or was it?

“Princess!”  Mr. Banana shouted from behind the monster.  He could still see her running away through the wide gap in its legs.  “Put Greenie down!”

“What?”

“The baby!  You’ve got to put him down!”

“Are you out of your mind?  I’m not losing my son again!”

Her—what?

But like it or not, she didn’t have a choice.  The sentimonster’s heavy step shook the floor, and she tripped, barely managing to curl around the baby as she fell.

“Lollipoooooooooop!”  Greenie squirmed from her embrace.

This had better work, Mr. Banana thought with a grimace.  Magical, monstrous lollipops might not trigger Greenie’s transformation like the ones he’d stolen from the town.  They might not even be edible.

That didn’t stop Greenie from latching onto the monster’s foot and licking it anyway.

Suddenly, Greenie grew to enormous size.  Purple and pink spandex stretched over his dark skin, so thankfully none of them had to deal with the problems of a giant naked baby.  Just a normal giant baby.

“A-august?” The princess gasped.  “What’s happened to you…?”

“No time to explain.”  Mr Banana grabbed her wrist and tugged her along.  “He’ll be fine, trust me.”

“Why should I trust you?  You’re a talking banana who cursed my son and wants me to leave him with a monster!”

“Lollipop!”  Greenie—no, August, apparently—laughed and picked up the sentimonster with both hands.

Then he stuck its head in his mouth.

“Y’know, I think I feel worse for the monster right now,” Mr. Banana said.  “I’m sure he’ll find us when he’s done.”

She glanced over her shoulder one last time before nodding.

Then she hiked up her skirts, and they ran.

XXX

Ten minutes later, August crashed through the castle wall, still clutching bits of chewed-up lollipop in his chubby fists.

“Lollipop,” he announced proudly.

“Fantastic job, Gree—er, August.” Mr. Banana beamed.

“Are you going to tell me why my son is the size of a house now?” Princess Floria asked once she’d finally caught her breath. She straightened from where her hands had rested on her knees.

“Nana,” August crouched beside them. His eye was as tall as the Princess, and it took her in with curiosity. “Who?”

“You remember me.” The princess’ voice was pained. “Ma-ma. I’m Mama, August.”

“Ma...ma?” The giant baby frowned, then looked at Mr. Banana. “Na-na.”

“I’m sorry.” He fought to turn his tetanic grin upside-down. “You’ve been in that tower for over a year, haven’t you?  Do you think he…”

Princess Floria didn’t meet his eyes.  Probably for the best, since he shouldn’t bother finishing that sentence.  It would only make her feel worse.

Instead she scooted closer to August, resting her hand against his giant foot.

“He doesn’t remember me.”  She bowed her head.

“Pretty,” August said, patting her red hair softly.

She choked out a laugh.  “Thanks, sweetie.”

She wiped her eyes before turning back to Mr. Banana.  He froze, still feeling like he was intruding on this mother-son moment.

“You brought my son back to me.  Even if I don’t know who you are, or how you did it, I suppose I owe you for that.”

His heart pounded.  This could be where he asked her to heal him.  To turn him human.  If she even could.  He had no proof that he was like August; once normal, but cursed by Hawkmoth’s evil taint.

“You don’t owe me anything,” he ended up saying instead.  “You’re free now.  To take August and go… wherever you want, I guess.”

She frowned up at her son, who had taken to picking tiles from the castle roof and tossing them into the river that flowed at the base of the cliff.

“Will he be okay?  I mean… will he go back to normal?”

“In about an hour.  He only changes if you let him eat lollipops.”  Mr. Banana smiled.

“Okay… weird, but convenient.  No more sugar for you, huh, baby?”

August ignored her, blowing raspberries as he continued deconstructing the castle like it was made of legos.

“You might want to leave now.  While August is still big enough to carry you.” Mr. Banana said, though his heart ached at the thought of returning to isolation.  But he couldn’t ask Floria to return with him to Lord Gabriel.  He doubted she’d do it, considering her opinion of the man.  Besides, she deserved to be free, to finally raise her son.

Maybe he could take her place here.  Living alone in a castle would be better than living alone in a swamp, wouldn’t it?  At least here he’d have a lifetime supply of candy.  

Mayura might come back and demand to know what happened to Floria, though.  

“Leave?  But… alone?”  The princess wrapped her arms around herself.  “I’ve been alone for so long… and August seems to like you, even if you are a talking banana…”

Mr. Banana chose to ignore that half-insult.  It was better than what he usually got when people talked to him.

“Are you saying I—I can come with you?”  He asked.

“Well, you are my knight in shining peel, are you not?”  She smirked.  “Plus, I think August might listen better to you.”

Listen was a bit of a stretch, but Mr. Banana still grinned.

“Greenie!”  He cooed, and August dropped the brick he was playing with to blink at him.  “Up?  We go up?”

“Up!”  August threw his hands in the air.

Then after a bit more coaxing, he picked up Mr. Banana and Princess Floria, and they were off to…

Well, hopefully somewhere safe.

[ziracona]

The tendency in fandom to take every white girl with short hair, regardless of the status of their canonical interest or lack of interest in women and explicit interest and/or sexual history with everything but, proclaim them a lesbian queen, and then ignore or absolve them of every single horrific act they take in fiction because of this. Is not doing feminism. Women. Lesbians. Or anyone. Any favors. It’s just bad.

Somehow. Some people really do apparently need to hear that...being any specific sexuality...is not a personality trait.

And also. Women aren’t inherantly less vile than men (or anyone non-binary, agender, fluid, etc, else), and whatever bad deeds they do should be judged based on just that—on the deeds, and their context. Not their sexuality, imagined sexuality, or their gender. Becuase none of those things effect whether committing murder is bad. At all. Not even a little. And none of them. Is even a personality trait. Affecting the character’s value as a person.

It’s cool, and good, to see characters with minority identities. And it’s real nice. When it’s whatever you are. But them being whatever. Is not a personality trait. Just a fact. And sometimes. People of any type. Are not good. Pretending any minority status—gender, sexuality, race, disability, neurotype, etc—is a get out of jail free card? Is not. Doing them. Or anyone. Any favors. Personality disorder. Doesn’t make you bad. Also doesn’t make you good. Your actions do. Acting like Amy from Gone Girl did nothing wrong when she date rapes her boyfriend & then frames him for doing that to her & ruins his life, then blackmails her husband who is terrified of being murdered by her into staying with her for the sake of the child she made at a fertility clinic with his sperm without his consent, bc she’s a woman. Isn’t good. Men aren’t more deserving of violence than women. Neither is anyone else. Jane. Left an infant child in an unheated car in subzero weather in a snow storm with zombies around that easily would hear it cry and go eat it. So she could lie and say she already let zombies eat it to bait a man with easily triggerable PTSD who had just lost his family to zombies for the second time into starting a fight. Because he was injured, unarmed, weak, down an eye, and 50, while she was fit, mid 20s, healthy, and armed with a hunting knife. Because she wanted an excuse to kill him without looking bad, because she wanted the 11 year old girl she was co-parenting with him, all to herself. And her immediately responding to the dude throwing a punch by stabbing him in the stomach to escalate the fight from brawl to life or death, then losing her knife, and instead of telling him the baby was alive & she’d made it up to start a fight which could have at any point ended the fight, begging the 11 year old child to gun down her oldest surviving friend with her own hands in cold blood so that she’d get what she wanted? Is evil. As is crying on the 11 year old and using pity as a weapon to get her to stay with her if she gets mad and wants to leave when she realizes Jane staged the whole thing for an excuse to murder, and so is after realizing like a month later that she is pregnant, committing suicide, and leaving the 11 year old that she just manipulated into killing her oldest surviving friend/completely isolated on purpose so she could have her to herself, totally alone in the apocalypse to care for an infant. Jennifer’s Body? Is a fantastic film. And Jennifer didn’t deserve any of what happened to her. But not one single boy she kills during the course of that film deserved it—and explicitly so. Even the guy who could easily have been a meathead jock bully is outside alone crying becuase his best friend just died and he loved him before she decides to lure him off and eat him alive. And acting like it’s totally fine & Needy should have just let her keep eating boys instead of killing her? Is fucked up. None of them deserved to die. And no one deserves death innately more because they are or are not something that is just a factual designator of their makeup as a human. The exchange student was scared and alone and nice, the catholic kid was sweet and Needy’s friend, Chip is a bad boyfriend but he meant well and being stupid doesn’t mean you deserve to die. And this girl ate them alive. That’s not funny. Or cool. Or fine becuase they were dudes. Gertrude Robinson? Chose again and again to betray people who loved her, or trusted her—sold out victims of awful trauma to their worst nightmares. Killed friends in the worst possible ways, like it was nothing. Michael loved her, and trusted her, and tried to care for her, and she without faltering fed him to his worst nightmare and forced him to become it. There is nothing excusable about that action.

Jude Perry? Has 0 redeeming features. Didn’t even stay faithful to her poor gf & was creepy obsessed w Agnes. Literally murdered her co-worker friend just because he was happy, and she wanted to destroy things: that’s it. She didn’t even dislike him. Murdered him because he had a wife and kid and house and it seemed fun, then burned down his house, took his wife’s money, and now checks in on his kid every so often in case he ever recovers from the trauma she inflicted enough to be fun to kill. There is literally nothing good about this woman. Yes. I mean that. Because being a lesbian? Is just a thing. There is no g/b tag, there is no tag at all. Amanda Young? Got kidnapped and tortured and forced to choose between killing a man who couldn’t resist but was conscious to watch her, and letting herself die, and she killed him. Then, instead of responding to that trauma with guilt or responsibility or anger at her captor, joined up with him and started helping him kidnap people just like her. She was not forced, she was not lied to. It does not matter if John was manipulative; she is a grown ass woman and like all grown ass adults, responsible for her own actions and choices. She did not get manipulated pitifully into this—she did not go unwillingly. She volunteered, with a happy vengeance, became obsessed with John and in love with him, despite his complete lack of interest. And she did not even just do what he did. She decided on her own that no one deserved redemption, & she killed them for fun in traps that wouldn’t let them go even if they did whatever awful thing the trap demanded as a price for life, just for the fun and power trip of watching them die helpless & in agony. That was all her, & her alone. She sat in a house full of people slowly dying from organ decomposition over the course of a few hours, for no crime worse than drug addiction—the thing she of all people should have been most sympathetic to—knowing full well at any time she could have saved them and stopped the game, and did nothing. She held a woman in her arms and stroked her head lovingly while she let her die in one of the most inhumane ways possible for the crime of having not been able to break an addition. She got saved by a 16 year old child multiple times, who had done nothing more than shoplift, and stood by while he had to watch a man get his brains blown out, another burn to death in an oven. As his organs slowly dissolved too. Watched the kid kill another human being & massively traumatize himself to save her life. And responded to that by attacking & knocking him out, tying him up, locking him up for days in a tiny safe bound and gagged with an oxygen supply to keep him alive, to be a piece in another game. Left his father, who had shown up to try & save him, to starve to death in chains in a horrible abandoned rotting room, & never even told him his son was alive. Let every other addict die horribly, let that kid sustain permanent damage to his organs that will kill him young, antidote taken or not, took his dad from him, & went back to torturing without a second thought. Kidnapped a woman whose worst crime was being a doctor & dating someone while maybe separated instead of divorced from her husband, put her in a trap that would take her head off with shotgun blasts, threatened her for fun, & then killed her even after she did everything she was asked, because it was more important to her that the old man she was obsessed with think she was special and great, than for the other woman to get to stay alive another day & go home to her daughter. There is nothing sympathetic about Amanda. She’s just not only evil, but too spineless to take responsibility for her own choices & actions, & tries to hide behind a “UwU I am sad & lonely & damaged & having trauma means I can literally torture people to death to feel special & it’s really tragic and sympathetic about me, not evil. Uhm. Some people??? Commit torture-murders?? To cope??” And acting like she’s somehow a victim in this becuase she is a pretty white girl with short hair? Is fucked. Up.

But every. God damn. Time. I see this. Please. It needs. To stop. People go: “UwU pretty girl short hair want” & I go “Ok. I see where u. Come from. Indeed.” But then. They go. “Girl pretty I like. So she was blameless. For this atrocity.” Those words...

Every day. I wake up. Thinking of Janic saying. Iconically. “At least me and Regina George know we’re mean,” and I weep inside. Because I cannot fathom. Or stomach. The lack of responsibility. I will kill. Characters who cannot admit they are bad. Myself. But somehow. They become. Flames. To moths. Of the “UwU pretty white girl short hair. We stan. Victim. Queen. Love her. Never done wrong.” Boy. We all done wrong. Even all my faves. At least once. I think. ...not if we count dogs probably, but people, yes. Ok. Anyway. All this is to say. Characters. Should be judged. Based on what they did. And why. And the aftermath. Not a grouping tag. I don’t mean any of these. Make bad characters. At all. Amy is a great character. So is Jennifer. So are most of them. I have quite affection even. For Jeneffer specifically. But you can like. Character. Without proclaiming. Them perfect humans. Who never did a thing wrong. Or their acts somehow. Justifiable. And ok. And you better stop saying. Ok. Because done. To men. Men do not. Deserve violence. Any more. Than anyone else. No one deserves violence defacto for factors. Outside their control. Wtf. Really people. It’s ok too. For character. To do much bad stuff. And still like character. Villains. And often just complex characters. Sometimes just characters. Do stuff. That is bad. It’s not supposed to be not their fault. Or ok. Also. Women are not a sisterhood. Of flawless beings. Who never hurt anyone or do any bad stuff. They can. And are. Often purpotrators. Of awful acts. And when they are. It is still. Very bad. Still. An awful act. Same level. Even. Of awful. Wild.

In conclusion.

Having short hair. While a girl. Doesn’t make her a butch queen. Who is absolved of all responsibility for that murder she committed. It just makes her a girl with short hair. That did a murder. I’m gonna. Kill someone. Too. And if I chop my hair off. I guess I can get away with it.

[zanecosh]

’ ･ﾟ : 👽  : ･.  INTRODUCTION — Zane Wancosh  .･: 👽 :･ﾟ ’

⌠ CHANCE PERDOMO, TWENTY-ONE, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, ZANE WANCOSH! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in MEDICAL TRAINING; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (sunglasses in every imaginable color, serenading ‘ my heart will go on ‘ loudly at 4 am, finger guns to the pals and the gals). when it’s the (aries)’s birthday on 04/18/1999, they always request their FRENCH FRIES WITH GRAVY from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

tw; drugs, jail/prison ??, alcohol

PAST but not rlly since i always had to mention what it did to him

- Zane was raised in Ottawa, Canada .. something he is very proud of and will mention a billion times as soon as he gets to know someone -- he will also deliberately say ‘ eh ? ‘ to let people know b ut we all know he ain’t sleek !!

- His parents had always been a loving bunch so he grew up receiving so much affection and attention that he now is a little FULL of himself but only because he seeks love and won’t stop until someone provides it for him im srry i didn’t make the law

.- So given his upbringing he’s always been the completely affectionate type, having his hands everywhere all the time and achING for hugs and small things like hand holding or just a pat  on the shoulder like he is seriously convinced that if he doesn’t get at least four hugs a day he will die a painful, lonely death

- So in addition to that, he had always been a very active, youthful and energetic kid which was pretty much something he got from his dad since he sort of kept things playful and always did the best that he could while his mom was on the stricter side but instead knew how to teach him things that were important !!

- So growing up he always made friends very easily because of how open he was ( except that time when he brought this girl home at the age of 7 because he thought she’d make a cool pet ) and because he was always vERY friendly, even if he had a tendency to be too nice at times and just got upset when people didn’t like him ?? which is honestly still the case

- Of course he loved being popular which is kind of his aspiration in most things nowadays?? he seeks to be liked so much it’s sometimes a lil sad but he will legitamately try anything to make you his friend and he wont care if ur bothered because at least then he’ll get a reaction out of you !! but yeah it’s something he never really learned bc he’s used to getting validated from his parents so he genuinely doesn’t COMPREHEND meanness ://

- It was when he was around ten ( 10 )  years old when his dad randomly moved to New York ?? which was honestly super scary to him but his mother assured him that it was for a special job which was definitely weird for him because that was the only thing she ever said when he asked her about his father and ofc zane wasn’t dumb just a little idiotic !!

- They still visited his father often where Zane was able to get to know America and New York a little better, which he definitely enjoyed even though he sort of preferred Canada always because he likes snow a lot and the fact that it kind of melts when you pee on it but anyway he was getting a bit more suspicious as he grew older

- Then on his sixteenth birthday he was able to visit his dad once more to which he then was revealed that his dad was the ring leader of a spy business !! WOW to which Zane was baffled of course bc his dad ??? who tripped over his 7th birthday cake because Zane saw a squirrel and started to chase it ?? exactly !!

- So of course, Zane wanted to start working there !! Not only because of curiosity but school was kind of boring ( ngl ) and he missed his dad a lot so while his mother was not happy about his choice at all she always believed in people doing whatever they wanted so without much time passing the male moved to New York and started working for his father !!

- it was quickly noticiable that Zane wasn’t great at spy work, considering he was incredibly clumsy and was always distracted by everything and almost shot off his left toe ONCE okay it was only onCE !! Anyway his father got a little frustrated with his chaotic energy so he gave him the jobs were he was usually with someone else so they could babysit him which was honestly better for him too bc he could make friends !!

-  So when he was around 19 that’s when he got to know his boy Landon, his main squeeze, one could even say the love of his life ( only he would say that ) but they immediately vibed with Landon being his driver even though they lowkey ended up doing stuff that completely wasn’t what his dad wanted but Zane was honestly just loving life and just doing a bit of shady stuff with his buddies was bonding ??

- HOWEVER NOT ALL THINGS CAN BE SUNSHINE AND CAKE; so they often kind of got into trouble ?? they were good at hiding and sort of running from the cops a couple of times but honestly not that much of a big deal as Zane would say but once upon a time, these assholes rlly got caught ahead of their time to which Landon then got away in time with someone from Gallagher helping while Zane honestly didn’t know what was happening n got caught ??

- To which he then ended up in jail for a year !! love carrying contraband while being high as fuck !! anyway, it was a very self reflecting time . even though he sort of learned nothing ?? anyway not even his dad could bail him out, only shorten the time if he in return joined Gallagher, a school where he would learn how to behave and use his spy knowledge to some good instead of just causing trouble !!

- Which he honestly didn’t vibe with so much because he was kind of scared of these spy kids ?? legit all of them could kill them w a look he wasn’t sure was his dad was thinking but that’s also why he chose medicial training, in order to not get hurt and if he did, he would be able to take care of himself which honestly wasn’t that much of a help when he was about to bonk this girl but ended up hitting his dick against the ground as they rolled around ?? he doesn’t wanna talk about it

- Anyway, he sort of grew into Gallagher for the most part, since he is a very adaptable person in general and was looking forward to making friends with people who were way cooler than him which was honestly a plus !! he just vibing y’all there ain’t no problem at all at all

PERSONALITY & LITTLE QUIRKS

- He’s super chaotic and all over the place, loves talking about anything and everything and sort of philophises over the most mundane things because its fun to talk about life y’all

- He has a super colorful taste in clothing and decoration and is pretty extraordinary in most things in life, whether its sunglasses or flowers on his backpack and shirts and stuff that’s way too big

- Is a slow talker and also doesn’t understand people who talk fast

- Has a habit of interrupting people mid-conversation and doesn’t realize that it could appear rude

- Loves everyone, is also super affectionate and always has an arm around his friends or will at least ask for conSENT bc that matters to him but he will most likely touch u some type of way im sorry

- Probably because he is super fidgety too, he legit has his hands everywhere all the time because he doesn’t like to stay still

- Somewhat of a class clown and certainly does not enjoy studying or any school related work so he’s kind probably always on the verge of failing ?? idk how he does it you guys

- will fist bump you but will also grab your ass

- Just wants to chill most of the time but somehow still always stressed

- Is a party ANIMAL like if there is a party, he’s there and probably drunk and high before the party even starts ?? in general i don’t think he’s been sober a day since he turned 18 who the fuck knows

- Will probably trip and fall everywhere as a drunk but he just laughs about it the second day, like he says if he doesn’t get hurt it won’t be a good party and i honestly worry about him and i’m not sure how he’s still alive

- does the peace sign way too often

- could be considered a sunny boy but since he’s from cold ass Canada he loves snow way much more and the cold for some reason

- has the biggest potty mouth like he doesn’t even realize he’s swearing

- is extremely honest like he will just stand there listening to someone complain and be like well that’s a bitch

-  also huge flirt and also catches feelings fast and will mostly say it outright when he falls for someone like boy has seriously no shame ?? he will feel the heartbreak but he believes he can deal with it better than questioning it all the time and if they feel the same he will just loVE

- he also might be polyamerous he doesn’t know it yet bc he’s never had that many chances but he just likes to love whatever

- his head is everywhere and nowhere at the same time so it’s possible that he doesn’t make sense 80% of the time

- has tattoos that don’t make sense at all, i like to refer pewdiepie or uhhhh what’s his name uhhhh kURTIS CONNER ?? im too lazy to fact check i been writing this for an hour let me be

- knows how to juggle and thinks that’s that probably the coolest skill he’s ever learned

- has two earthworms that he got during a biology project back in high school who have been in his possession for six years now ?? ( i checked they live for four to eight ) he loves them to death ok their names are Niall and Liam ....... ( yes he was an 1D stan don’t confront him about them he’ll cry )

- is very superficial, loves the horoscope and believes in like bad luck and stuff like that, will scold u if u don’t listen to him rant about unlucky things !!

/ @gallagherintro