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todayisawthewhxlewxrld · 10 months

Text

"you can do whatever you want, you're not Stuck With Me."

"i'll tell you one thing, we'd make history, you and me. you're getting closer now, it's getting better now, but you're still so far gone."

synopsis// bottled up feelings have to come out eventually.

pairing// suguru geto x gn!reader

word count// 8k

contents// angst with a happy ending, college!au, literally just y/n and geto being idiots but mostly y/n, shoko only knows tough love, obligatory rain scene, friends to lovers, ooc geto?

notes// scorpions are haunting me so i’m posting this as a distraction. anyways one of my anons requested this!!! so anon i hope i did ur idea justice and that u like it sorry its kinda all over the place.... anywho so besides this being a request, it was also inspired by the song the point by eatmewhileimhot! bye :3 OH and if anyone else has any other requests feel free to lmk!!

You poke at your food, focusing on the sound your fork makes as it scrapes against your plate instead of whatever the person sitting across from you is saying. You know you should pay attention; you know you’re being rude, but god, are you bored out of your fucking mind. You would much rather be hanging out with Suguru right now, feeling a twinge of regret at turning him down just for this.

“Y/N?”

Your head raises to look at the person in front of you. “Huh?”

They laugh nervously. “Did you hear anything I just said?”

You frown sheepishly. “Uh, no, sorry.”

“It’s fine,“ they say, clearing their throat, “I was just saying how I kinda wish we went somewhere else cause I'm craving zaru soba, but I wanted to impress you, you know?”

You nod, not computing the last of his sentence with your brain stuck on the mention of zaru soba. “Suguru likes that.”

“What?”

“Zaru soba—Suguru likes that.”

Your date shoots you a confused stare, and you subconsciously sink into your chair.

“Is, uh, is there something on my face or?” you ask, bringing your hands up to feel around your face.

They shake their head. “No, it’s just—uh, you bring up this Suguru guy a lot, and by a lot, I mean like you’ve brought him up this whole date...”

“I have?”

They nod.

“Shit—i’m sorry..”

“It’s fine.” They dismiss your apology by asking, “What is he to you anyway?”

You stare at him blankly. That’s an easy question. Suguru, to you, is your—he’s your—

“He your friend or something?”

Yes! Suguru is your friend—your best friend even—so why can't you say it out loud? Why are you hesitating?

You laugh nervously, mumbling, “Or something...”

“Or something?” they repeat in hopes you’ll elaborate on what you mean.

You don’t.

Instead, you stand abruptly out of your seat and gather your things. “Um! You know, this has been really great and all, but I actually think I should get going.”

"Oh, okay,” they say, standing up with you. “Uh, do you wanna do this again maybe?”

“You're a lovely person, but...

“It's Suguru, isn't it?”

“What?” You almost choke on your spit as you frantically stammer, “No, uh, no! It's not Suguru-Suguru’s just my-it's-“ you pause for a moment, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down. “It's not because of him.”

They curtly hum. “Thanks for giving me a chance anyway.”

You nod. “I'm gonna—I'm gonna go.”

☆☆☆☆

Suguru is face down on a pillow on his bed when Gojo walks into their shared dorm.

“What happened now?” He asks as he goes to sit on the edge of Suguru’s bed.

“Y/N’s on a date,” he grumbles into the pillow, his words barely audible.

Gojo rolls his eyes. "Suguru, this is just sad at this point.”

Suguru lifts his head and glares at Gojo from over his shoulder. His eyes burning holes into the other's head.

“What? It is!”

Suguru groans and kicks Gojo as he buries his face back into his pillow.

“Ow! Don’t get mad at me for telling the truth!”

Suguru kicks him again.

“Stop that! You’re acting like a child!”

“You’re one to talk.”

“Ok, listen, this isn’t about me,” Gojo adds, rolling his eyes.

Suguru rolls onto his back and drapes an arm over his face, muttering, “Whatever.”

“Oh my fucking god,” Gojo grumbles as he stands up and walks over to his own bed. “I can't take this, Suguru.“ He grabs his pillow and throws it at Suguru. "You can't do this every time they go on a date!”

Suguru doesn’t even flinch when the pillow lands on his face, nor does he bother moving it as he responds, “Watch me.”

Gojo walks back over to Suguru and grabs the pillow from his face before resuming his position on the end of Suguru's bed. "How long has it been?”

“Since?”

“Since you first started liking them.”

Suguru hesitates to answer, “Too long.”

“Exactly!” Gojo exclaims, shaking the pillow in his hands for dramatic effect. “Maybe…”

Suguru waits a moment to see if Gojo will finish his sentence, and when he doesn’t, Suguru sits up, quirking up his eyebrow at him as he asks slowly, as if attempting to subtly warn Gojo to pick his next words carefully: "Maybe what, Gojo?”

“Maybe it’s time to try and move on, Suguru…” He frowns and asks softly, “Are you just gonna torture yourself like this for the rest of your life?”

Suguru sighs and turns away from Gojo, a small frown on his face. He knows he’s right, but he’s scared in all honesty because, on the one hand, what if it works? What if he actually does move on? What if it was this easy to move on this whole time and he was just here torturing himself for nothing? And on the other hand, he doesn't want it to. He’s liked you for so long. You've taken up so much of his heart that, at this point, he thinks his heart is shaped like you, and it would feel wrong to not like you. He can't imagine himself not being completely and utterly devoted to you, and he doesn’t think he wants to.

“Suguru.”

Suguru's brows knit together as he looks up at Gojo.

Gojo sighs. “Just try? One date. That’s all I’m asking.”

Suguru rolls his eyes, but there’s no real malice behind it. “I don’t even know anybody, Gojo.”

He perks up at the absence of rejection and happily explains, “Don’t worry bout that; leave it all up to me!" He emphasizes the word 'me' by pointing toward himself.

“Ok, well, that makes me even more inclined to say no.”

"Suguru, pleaseee,” Gojo begs. “Just one date!! That’s all I’m asking! You’re my friend, Suguru, and I know I don’t act like it, but I really do hate seeing you like this.”

Suguru crosses his arms and raises his eyebrow at him in suspicion, wondering, “Why are you being nice?”

“Because, contrary to popular belief, I do in fact care about my friends.”

Suguru breathes out heavily at his response, letting a brief silence wash over them.

“So..." Gojo pries.

“Fine.”

“Yay!-“

Suguru instantly cuts him off, one finger raised, as he emphasizes sharply, “But just one date, Gojo.“

“Good enough for me!” he says, nodding quickly. “This will be the best date of your life, and you’ll realize you don’t even like Y/N all that much!”

Suguru feels like the wind’s been knocked out of him from that statement but quickly plays it off with a scoff, “Yeah, or it’s the worst date of my life, and I realize just how much more I like Y/N.”

“Ok, well,“ Gojo frowns and scratches his head awkwardly, “Can we at least try to be optimistic?”

“Fine.”

☆☆☆☆

Shoko’s sitting on her bed with her textbook in her lap when you enter your dorm, kicking your shoes off haphazardly across the room and slamming the door shut.

“You good?”

You groan in response as you sluggishly make your way toward her, pushing the book off her lap and instead replacing it with your head.

She looks down at you with a raised eyebrow. “I was reading that, you know.”

You groan again, but this time it comes out louder and more gutteral.

“Are you gonna tell me what's wrong, or are you gonna just lay here in my lap groaning?” she asks, rolling her eyes.

You pout, looking up at her. “Is there something wrong with me?”

“Where should I start?”

“Shoko,” you whine.

She bites back a smile as she asks, “Why would you think something's wrong with you?”

“I don’t know,” you mutter. “I mean, I go on so many dates, right?”

Shoko nods and hums something in acknowledgment.

“But they all never end up working out! Like none of them!” You exclaim, throwing your hands out in front of you, barely missing Shoko, who jerks her head to the side just in time. “They always all say the same thing.”

She pushes your hands back down so that she can return to her original position and asks, “Which is?”

You let your hands fall onto your chest as you turned your head to the side to avoid her gaze, mumbling, “That I mention Suguru a lot.”

You don’t even have to look back up at her to know she’s raising her eyebrows at you in question.

“Well, do you?”

Your gaze snaps back up at her as you exclaim, “Yeah, but!” You pause. “He's my… He's my best friend, so obviously I'd mention him a lot!”

The word best friend feels heavy and foreign in your mouth, like it shouldn’t have been there in the first place. You’ve never had to put a label on you and Suguru, not until the dates at least, but even then, you and Suguru were just... simply that. You were just you and Suguru.

“Really feeling the love here.”

“Shokoooooo.”

She rolls her eyes. “You were just on a date, right?”

You nod.

“And so what happened?”

“Nothing! I was bored; I'm always bored on these dates.”

"Okay, hypothetically,” she says, “What would you have rather been doing?”

“Hanging out with Suguru! I always tell myself that I'm literally gonna stop canceling on him for dates because I always end up regretting it.”

“Right, right,” she says, nodding. “Y/N, have you ever considered that maybe you like Geto?”

You roll your eyes. “Of course I like Suguru, idiot. Did you not just hear me call him my-“

She cuts you off: “Your best friend. Yeah, whatever; that's not what I mean. I mean, like. romantically.”

“Huh?” Shoko’s words take a minute to fully register in your brain, but once they do, your jaw drops. “Huh?! Pft, no, of course not, that is... That is a… That is a silly thought.”

She stares down at you blankly, knowing the way you just stumbled over your whole sentence reveals your lack of conviction in your own words. "Right… Well, if you’re gonna be an idiot in denial, can you do that in your own bed? I need to study.”

You roll your eyes as you sit up. “Is studying all you do?”

She shrugs, and now that her lap is free from you, she places her textbook back into her lap. “Is obsessing over Geto all you do?”

“I don't like you.”

“You love me. Now leave me alone.”

You begrudgingly hop off her bed and into your own, making it a point to sigh dramatically the whole time. Once you're in your own bed, your phone goes off, and upon seeing who the message is from, you bite back a smile.

Shoko looks up from her textbook at the noise. “Oh? That your man?”

“Shut your mouth.”

She simply laughs under her breath before returning to her studies, and you happily return your attention back to your phone.

Suguru<3: hey

Y/N: hey!

Suguru<3: oh I didn't expect you to reply so quick lol. I thought u were on a date?

Y/N: was :/ that shit suckedddddd it was so boring Suguru pls I would've much rather hung out with you

Suguru<3: well I mean u could've

Y/N: I KNOWWWW ugh next time remind me to never cancel on you for a lame date again k?

Suguru<3: yeah I will… so I'm taking it you won't be seeing them again?

Y/N: definitely not... I do wanna see u again tho!!

Suguru<3: you'll see me in class y/n

Y/N: yeah but that's so far awayyyyy

Suguru<3: yk if u wanna hangout rn u can just say so

Y/N: do u wanna hang out?

Suguru<3: he can't he's busy -gojo

Y/N: gojo when I get my hands on u.

Suguru<3: :p -gojo

You groan dramatically and throw your phone somewhere onto your bed as you shove your face into your pillow, mumbling, “I'm going to sleep.”

“Eager to see your man tomorrow?”

“Die.”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

Gojo and Suguru are walking to class when Gojo starts humming obnoxiously, like he’s thinking about something and wants someone to notice, so he doesn’t stop until Suguru sighs.

“Can you shut up?”

Gojo frowns and feigns hurt. “Aren’t you gonna ask me what I’m thinking about?”

“Fine, what are you thinking about, Gojo?”

Gojo slightly leans in toward Suguru as he coos, “Thinking about who I’m gonna set you up with, obviously!”

"Oh, right about that...”

“Nuh uh, you can't back out!”

“But I think they might feel the same?” Suguru says, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

Gojo’s head whips toward Suguru in shock. “Wait huh?”

“Before you stole my phone yesterday—which I’m still mad about, by the way—they said they would’ve rather hung out with me than go on the date,” he says, pulling out his phone to show Gojo the texts.

Gojo doesn’t say anything, and the lack of anything coming out of his mouth worries Suguru, who’s now scanning Gojo’s face for a trace of anything to tell him what the other is thinking and gets it when Gojo finally cracks a frown.

“What? Why do you look like that?” Suguru asks, and he hates how it comes out more panicked than he intended, his own voice like nails on a chalkboard to his ears.

“I don't wanna say anything that would get your hopes up,” Gojo says, his gaze now fixed on his steps. “And besides, maybe this date could still be good.”

“You’re not gonna let me get out of this, are you?”

“Of course not!” he says, his regular pep back in his step. “So does tomorrow work for you?”

“Yeah, whatever, Gojo, you’d make me go regardless, I don’t know why you ask.”

“Lol, true anyway." Gojo’s steps come to a halt. "Here’s my class; see you later!”

Suguru waves him off: "Yeah, whatever, oh, and Gojo?”

“Hm?”

“At least set me up with someone good," he says, an ever-so-slight smile on his face.

“Of course! Leave it all up to me, bestie!”

Suguru nods and continues on toward his own class, only then does he huff, “Yeah, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

☆☆☆☆

You sat in your seat, your cheek leaning in your palm, sighing every so often from boredom but quickly perking up when you notice a familiar face walk through the door.

“Suguru!”

“Y/N!”

Your gaze is glued to him as you watch him take his seat beside you; only once he’s fully situated do you speak up again: “I was wondering if you were skipping or something.”

Suguru tilts his head at you in confusion, asking, “Why?”

“Because you took so long.”

He tries to ignore the heat rising to his cheeks. “Did you miss me that much?”

“Shut up. What were you doing anyway?”

Suguru rolls his eyes. “Gojo made me walk him to class.”

You raise an eyebrow at him, your voice unamused as you speak, “Lame excuse, I walk with Shoko to her class every day and I still get here before you.”

“Yeah, that’s cause it’s Shoko?”

“True, I’ll excuse it for today if...”

“If?” He narrows his eyes at you, urging you to continue your sentence.

“If we hang out tomorrow?”

“Can we hang out today?” He looks away as he says, “I’m kinda busy tomorrow....”

“Aw man,” you say, frowning, “You’re never busy.”

“I know, sorry, it’s just—" He halts before mumbling out the rest of his sentence—“something Gojo’s making me do.”

Suguru finally returns his gaze to you when he hears you huff.

“He’s taking you from me too often; I'll have to intervene sooner or later if he keeps this up.”

He stifles a laugh. “Can you not today?”

“Nope, I've gotta work on a project for one of my classes,” you say with a disappointed sigh.

“Okay, well, how about Wednesday, then?”

“I can fit you into my schedule, I suppose.”

“Oh shut up; don’t act like you weren’t the one asking me to hang out last night.”

“I was a different person then,” you deadpan.

Suguru rolls his eyes but can’t even try to hide the grin on his face. “Yeah, ok.”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

Come the next afternoon, Suguru finds himself staring into a mirror at his outfit with a small scowl on his face.

“I look stupid.”

“You always look stupid,” Gojo remarks, patting Suguru on the back.

Suguru ignores him and rolls his eyes, his voice small as he borderline pleads, “Do I really have to go?”

“Yes! It’s too late to back out now when your date is in like twenty minutes, so really you should get going by now,” he says while attempting to push Suguru out the door.

Suguru doesn’t budge. “I don't even know this person, Gojo.”

“That’s what dates are for!”

Suguru looks over his shoulder at Gojo, who’s still trying to push him out the door. “You know this isn’t gonna work, right?”

Gojo rolls his eyes and huffs, “Well, not with that attitude.”

“Gojo.”

“Suguru, you said you’d try! so go! try!”

Suguru sighs and reluctantly gives in… again. “I hate you.”

Gojo waves him off, “Yeah, yeah, whatever you can hate me after your date.”

Suguru doesn’t reply and instead opts to flip him off as he walks out the door.

☆☆☆☆

Suguru sits at a secluded booth in a dimly lit restaurant, lost in thought rather than listening to whatever the person sitting across from him is saying. He knows he should be paying attention; he knows he’s being rude, but god is he bored out of his fucking mind, and to say he’s hating every second of this is an understatement. He’d much rather be hanging out with you right now, regretting turning you down for this because just being here makes a part of him feel like he’s betraying you, and the thought has him anxiously wiping his sweaty palms against his pants. He’s been in love with you since he first laid eyes on you. Suguru was naive to believe he could delude himself into thinking that there was any possibility in any way that he’d move on, let alone with someone Gojo picked.

“Suguru?”

He quickly looks up at the person in front of him. “Yeah?”

They laugh nervously. “Did you hear anything I just said?”

“No, sorry—I guess I was just, uh, lost in thought.”

"Oh, it’s fine,” they say, confusingly normal about the whole situation. “I was just, um, talking about your friend Gojo, actually.”

He blinks. “Why?”

“I was actually hoping you'd help me get with him?”

“You do realize you're on a date with me, right?”

“Please.” They roll their eyes. “Don't act like you wanna be here any more than I do right now.”

“How did-“

“It's written all over your face, you know? They must be really special.” They tease with a sweet smile, “I almost feel like I should be jealous.”

Suguru swallows harshly, suddenly feeling way more exposed than he would ever want to, especially on a ‘date’. “Sorry…”

They shrug. “Don't be; honestly, I just said yes to this to get some pointers on Gojo, so I don't think I'm any better than you right now.”

Suguru nods, his mind reeling. He’s not actually sure what’s going on or how he got here in the first place. How could his date be so okay with the fact that he’s here thinking about someone else? Oh, right, because so are they, but it’s still not clicking in his brain.

“You can leave if you want.”

He narrows his eyes at them skeptically. “Huh?”

“To go hang out with the one you actually like.”

Suguru shakes his head. There’s somehow too much happening right now for him to comprehend. “Again, what?”

They roll their eyes playfully, an amused smile on their face, as they lean over the table and whisper, “Suguru, I'm giving you an out.”

He blinks, and suddenly everything clicks, and he doesn’t understand why he’s still here when they just told him they could go to you. He stands up abruptly and says, “Right, I'm...“

“Don't say you're sorry; make it up to me by going to them, yeah?”

“I really appreciate that. Uhm, text me and I'll give you pointers on Gojo?”

They laugh and nod. “Yeah. Now, shoo, go to the one you actually want to be with.”

Suguru turns his head toward the exit of the restaurant, ready to leave, but pauses and ends up turning back to his ‘date’, a small smile on his face. “Thank you.”

“Mhm! Also, I want to meet them sometime, k? We’re friends now, sorry!”

“Yeah… Yeah, you can. Someday? Maybe…”

They tilt their head at him, unamused despite the smile on their face. “Bye Suguru.”

He returns the smile and waves before heading off to find you.

☆☆☆☆

You found yourself under a tree somewhere on campus, attempting—and failing—to entertain yourself since Suguru was busy and couldn't hang out, and you didn't even dare try to go to Shoko for entertainment, knowing her face is probably stuffed into her textbook and she would berate you for interrupting her, or if she did agree, she would spend the whole time with her whole face screaming how she would much rather be studying, even when her studying proves to be just for fun because she cheats on her exams anyway, but you digress. Lost in thought, you don't notice how someone’s approached you until their shadow falls over you.

“You dead?”

You look up and are pleasantly surprised to see Suguru. “Hey! I thought you were busy?”

Suguru shrugs. “Left early.”

“What’d you go do anyway?”

“A date.”

The minute the words leave Suguru’s mouth, you can feel your stomach churn in a horrible way. like you’re on a rollercoaster, but it's not fun; you want to get off, and you want to get off now, like this is final destination and you’re about to fall to your doom. Or more so, this makes you realize you've already fallen to your doom; you've already fallen in love with Suguru, and it took Shoko saying something and him going on a date for it to really sink in like it hadn't been there all along. Your jaw clenches, and you're quiet—terrifyingly quiet—and it makes Suguru regret saying anything; he doesn’t even know why he did... Okay, no, he knows. He knows he was acting petty and wanted to rub it in your face like you rub your dates in his, even if not purposeful, and besides, you two are friends, and friends are honest with each other. But maybe he shouldn’t have been, and it's excrutiatingly obvious he shouldn't have been when you suddenly stand up and avoid his gaze.

“Y/N?”

You kick at the dirt under your shoes and mumble, “I should, um, Shoko actually just texted me.”

“Y/N, can you look at me, please?” Suguru sounds desperate.

You look up at him and smile, but with the way your eyes are glazed over, it’s like you’re not even there. “Yeah?”

“I thought we could hang out now?”

“Yeah, but—ugh—Shoko really needs my help, you know?”

“Are we still on for tomorrow at least?”

“I hope your date was good, Suguru.”

“Y/N-“

“If I keep her waiting any longer, she’ll be really mad. I’m gonna go.”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

Suguru wishes he could say he’s surprised when you don’t show up to class the next day, but he’s not. Not at all. Especially from the way you ran off yesterday to how you’re still not answering any of his texts or calls, it was a telltale sign that Suguru would not be seeing you today. That didn’t stop him from trying, though. Of course not. So halfway through class, he left—not like he was paying attention anyway—and made his way to your dorm. Though he hesitates to knock once he’s actually there, he doesn’t even know why you’re ignoring him in the first place, and honestly? He’s scared to find out.

You’ve never acted like this with him before; you’ve always been an open book, always the first to speak up if something he did upset you, so he doesn’t understand why you’ve suddenly done a complete 180. He takes a deep breath before knocking. He came all this way; he isn’t going to just leave without figuring out what's wrong—or at least he’s going to try to figure out what's wrong.

No answer.

He knocks again.

No answer.

Suguru groans as he goes to knock one more time, but before he can, the door is swung open, and he’s met with a disheveled-looking Shoko.

“What?”

“Shoko, hi—“ Suguru gives her a quick once-over. "Sorry, were you asleep?”

She crosses her arms and blows a tuft of hair out of her face. “I was, and I'd like to go back to sleep, so-“

“Right, sorry, uh, is Y/N here?”

“No,” she replies quickly, far too quickly that Suguru doesn't believe her and instead tries to look into the room to find you. Shoko immediately picks up on this and shifts her body to cover any gaps he could look through. “They aren’t here, sorry.”

“Shoko,” he monotones.

She chews the inside of her lip and looks away, and Suguru can tell she's dying to say something, but she ultimately decides against it and shakes her head, looking back up at him.

“They’re not here, sorry.”

Suguru sighs, running a hand through his hair. “It's fine, sorry for waking you.”

“It's fine… Take care of yourself, Geto.”

“Yeah. You too.”

Shoko quickly shuts the door, and instead of climbing back into bed, she grabs her pillow and makes her way toward your bed, only to end up hitting you with it repeatedly. You pull your covers over your head in a futile attempt to protect yourself.

“Shoko, stop!”

“You stop.” She punctuates every word with a hit of her pillow.

“You’re the one hitting me!”

Shoko hits you one last time. “I mean, stop ignoring him, idiot.”

You peek your head out from under the covers, a frown on your face.

“Don't look at me like that; you’re acting childish, and you know that.”

“I can’t look at him.”

“You’re dramatic.”

“Shoko, I'm serious!” You speak adamantly, sitting up. “I mean, I realize I like him the exact moment he tells me he went on a date?”

“Who’s fault is that?”

“Shoko, I-I can't.”

“Whatever, sulk all you want; don't talk to him about it; I don't care; just scoot over.”

Your face twists in confusion. “What?”

“I'm tired,” she says blankly, now climbing into your bed.

You listen and scoot over, though it's more like she pushes you over. “You know you have your own bed, right?”

She yawns: “Too far away.”

You look down at her, and she's somehow already fast asleep. You roll your eyes and lay back down, looking up at the ceiling with your mind racing, and suddenly your phone vibrates. You know who it is; he’s the only one who texts you, but that doesn’t stop you from checking anyway.

Suguru<3: hey.

Suguru<3: did I do something?

Suguru<3: I don't understand.

Suguru<3: you weren't in class so I tried going to ur dorm. shoko said you weren't there but I don't really believe her.

Suguru<3: can you just talk to me please?

Suguru<3: I miss you.

Suguru<3: guess this means we aren’t hanging out today huh?

Suguru<3: text me soon please.

☆☆☆☆

Thursday

Suguru<3: no class again?

Suguru<3: look I get it

Suguru<3: okay maybe I don't.

Suguru<3: I don't know what I did wrong but if you don't wanna talk that's fine

Suguru<3: can you just let me know you’re okay?

Suguru<3: fuck I don't even care if you have shoko tell me you’re okay or if you tell gojo I just

Suguru<3: I just need to know you’re okay y/n.

Suguru<3: how long are you gonna avoid me?

Suguru<3: or avoid class?

Suguru<3: I miss you.

“Can you answer your fucking phone,” Shoko snaps.

You glare at her and instead shut your phone off completely. “There. Happy?”

"No, not at all; I won't be happy till you stop sulking.”

You smile at her condescendingly. "You are so lovely; did you know that?”

She sighs deeply. “Y/N, you’re ignoring Geto because he went on one date.”

“I'm ignoring him because I'm in love with him.”

She narrows her eyes at you. “And he's supposed to know that how? I'm a hundred percent sure the poor boy has no clue what he did.”

“Shoko, you don't get it! You've never been in love,” you sneer.

“I don't need to be in love to know you're acting stupid.” She shakes her head. “You know what? Ignore him all you want; that's your problem, but you need to go to class; don't throw away your college degree for him.”

You sigh, finally agreeing with her on at least one thing. “Yeah... Yeah, I know I'll go tomorrow.”

She nods happily. “Good. Now can I get back to studying?”

“I'm not the one who made you stop, you took that upon yourself.”

“Watch yourself; I'll walk my ass straight to Geto's dorm and tell him for you.”

“…Sorry”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

You get to class the next day extremely early and take a seat in the far back, away from everyone else, hoping Suguru would somehow not see you, or maybe more like in hopes you wouldn’t see him. It doesn't work. The minute he walks in, his eyes are drawn to yours like there was an invisible string there tying him directly to you, and your stomach twists as you see him approach you. As he’s approaching you, he sees your face, and he sees how you look like you're five seconds away from vomiting up everything you’ve ever eaten since you were born, so he stops in his tracks. Besides, a confrontation in the middle of class wouldn't be a good idea either way, so he’ll just catch you after class.

That somehow proves to be much harder than it should have been because once class ends and he turns around to catch you before you leave, you're already gone. He blinks incredulously at your empty seat for a moment before snapping out of it and running out into the halls, trying to find you among the crowd of people, which is easy for him considering you're the only thing that exists to Suguru right now and pretty much always, but even despite that, he can't find you. He stands in the hall, watching people pass him by as he does nothing, and the only thing he can hear is his heartbeat ringing in his ears and the rain that suddenly started sometime during all of this.

He finally snaps out of it once more and realizes that since it randomly started raining, there's a chance that you're somewhere waiting the rain out, unless you are so dead set on avoiding him that you don't care in the first place and walk back to your dorm in the rain anyway... Suguru hopes he's right as he starts walking toward the exit, and exhales heavily in relief when he sees you out on the porch and slowly creeps up behind you.

“Did you know it was gonna rain?”

You flinch at the sound of his voice. “No.”

Suguru’s heart feels like it's about to burst right out of his chest, and he feels like it's been way too long since he's heard your voice. “I think Gojo is gonna bring me an umbrella; do you wanna wait with me?”

“No.”

“No?”

You shake your head and start walking out into the rain, but you don't get far when Suguru reaches out and grabs your wrist.

“Wait!”

You look back at him, your jaw clenched tight. “Let go of me, Suguru.”

“You’ll get sick.”

You yank your wrist out of his grasp. “I don't care; I want to go back to my dorm.”

For a few moments, Suguru feels stuck in place as he watches you begin to walk away, yet everything in his being is screaming at him to go after you, to not let you go. He doesn’t even realize he was holding his breath this whole time until he gasps for air, and at the same time, his body finally decides to align with his mind, and he runs after you. You can hear his foot steps pattering against puddles, which only makes you speed up your walking.

Suguru notices this, and although he's still chasing after you, he decides to call out a pained, “Why are you ignoring me?”

You almost don't even hear him over how loud the rain has grown.

Almost.

“I'm not ignoring you, Suguru,” you say, stopping in your tracks with a deep sigh. He’ll catch you sooner or later, so maybe it's best to just get it over with.

Suguru doesn’t say anything until he's right behind you. You can hear just how clearly his voice trembles as he says, “Oh, so we’re lying now?”

“I'm no-“

“What the fuck happened? What are you doing?” and although he sounded exasperated only a second ago, when he speaks again, it's horrifyingly subdued: “This—this isn't us.”

You whip around to face him, a scowl on your face as you fume, “There is no us.”

Suguru’s face goes blank. No us? That's not right. That's all there is. There's only ever been an us because Suguru is not him without you. It's never just Suguru. It's you and Suguru; it's him and you; there's no him without you.

“What?”

“There is no us, Suguru; that's—“ you say, gesturing in little circles with your hands in front of you, trying to act out whatever word you're looking for. “That's the fucking problem.”

“I don't—“ His voice is breathy as he shakes his head in confusion. “What are you saying, Y/N?”

“You know what I'm saying.”

“No,” he says sternly, "No, I don't. I need to hear you say it.”

You take a deep breath and squeeze your eyes shut, focusing on the rain falling against your face rather than the words coming out of your mouth: “I'm in love with you.”

The silence is suffocating, and you're violently aware of how you can feel Suguru’s eyes burning holes into you. You swallow harshly before peeking your eyes open, and he’s just standing there wide-eyed, his jaw slack.

“Suguru?”

“Why now?”

With his voice so small and brittle, you hardly even heard him.

“Huh?”

“Why now?” he repeats, this time louder, harsher.

“I don't—I don't understand?”

Suguru laughs in disbelief. He brings his hands up to cover his face, and he just laughs into them or cries; he's not even quite sure anymore. And after a few moments of this, he finally takes a deep breath, running one hand down his face as the other drops back to his side. “Do you know how long I’ve been in love with you, Y/N?”

“What?” You’re hopeful for a moment, but that all comes quickly crashing down, realization washing over you. “Wait, but you went on a date.”

“Y/N, it's been so long that Gojo got tired of me wallowing in my own self-pity every time you went on a date.” He sighs and takes a moment to collect his thoughts. “So he forced me to go on one too to try and help me move on.”

“Why didn't you wait for me?”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

Suguru doesn't know whether to nod or shake his head. “No, I know, but I don't understand.”

Your face scrunches up in disdain, silently reading—what's there to not understand? “Why didn't you wait for me to fall in love with you?”

“Y/N, do you even hear what you're saying right now?” he scoffs. “Do you even hear what I'm saying? All I've ever fucking done was wait for you, and I go on one date that I left early for you, and now I'm the bad guy?”

Your heart sinks like a bag of rocks into a deep body of water. “No wait, Suguru, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry.”

Suguru looks down, avoiding your stare, carefully tapping a puddle with the tip of his shoe as he mumbles, “Yeah.”

“Do-“ you stop yourself and swallow harshly before continuing, “Are you still in love with me?”

He stays silent, and embarrassment floods your bones. How could he still love you? You, who's been subconsciously dangling a treat in front of him like some kind of animal just to coax him into doing what you want, into staying with you, following you around, just because you were too out of touch to realize you even liked him in the first place. Of course, he wouldn't still love you.

“Of course I am. Don't be silly,” he reluctantly admits.

Relief washes over you, and the breath you take feels like the first one you've taken since Tuesday, when he told you about his date in the first place. “So... now what?”

The same relief does not wash over Suguru; in fact, he's feeling anything but relief. Too many things to name, to pin point; it's just all too much. This is just too much. “I need space; I can't—" he shakes his head, his voice barely above a whisper, "I can't do this right now.”

“What?”

“I just. I can't. I'm sorry.”

Your voice cracks, “But-“

“I just need to think about this,” he says, waving his hands around in small circles, referencing the two of you.

“Oh.” You take a step back and nod. “Okay. I'll go then... I love you, Suguru.”

“Yeah,” he nods. “Yeah, I love you too.”

Suguru watches you walk away, and he can't tell his tears apart from the rain; can’t tell if his heart is stopping or if it's racing; can't tell if he's breathing or suffocating; he can't tell anything. His surroundings are drowning out and blurring into vague shapes and figures around him, and Suguru is sure he could just drop dead right then and there.

“Jeez, I didn't take that long that you had to walk out in the rain, dramatic much?”

Suguru, in all honesty, didn’t hear a word that was just said; the only thing that caught his attention was the lack of rain hitting him. He looks up to find an umbrella there instead of the dark cloudy sky that resembled his insides a little too much, then looks to his side to find Gojo there, and he wants to wipe the stupid grin off his face. If he can't be happy, why should Gojo? His head drops in defeat at his own thoughts. God, he’s acting shitty.

“Sorry.”

Gojo looks at him curiously. “You good?”

“No. No, I'm not good.”

"Hey dude, what's wrong?”

Suguru lets out a harsh laugh, and with no rain hitting him anymore, he knows for sure the thing dripping down his face is tears. “I fucked up.“

Gojo scans Suguru’s face frantically, looking for something—anything—that will tell him what's wrong with his best friend.

“Suguru, you have to be a little more specific than that.”

“Y/N loves me back.”

Gojo goes wide-eyed, and he gives a confused smile because how could this warrant his friend’s reaction? “What dude, that's gr-“

Suguru quickly cuts him off: "Great, I know, but I told them to give me space, Gojo.”

Frankly, Gojo isn't even worried anymore; he’s just in complete disbelief, shouting, “What? Why the hell would you do that?! Are you stupid?”

“Maybe!” he shouts back, trembling. “I don't know! They just— They went on about how I should've waited for them, and I was mad because that's all I've ever fucking done. I don't know; I wasn't thinking straight, and I fucked up, and they left. I made them leave. I asked for space when I hated all the space we've had from each other this whole week, and I asked for more?” He repeatedly hits his forehead with his palm, muttering, “I'm an idiot, fuck.“

“Suguru.”

“What?”

Gojo tilts his head at him. “Why are you still here?”

The question stills his movements, his hand falling back to his side, and he stares at Gojo in pure confusion. “What?”

“You obviously know that space isn't what you want, and you just said it in the heat of the moment, so why are you still here?”

Suguru is silent.

“Why aren't you running after them? They want you, dude! And you want them too!”

Suguru thinks if it weren’t for Gojo constantly moving, he'd think time had completely stopped in time with his realization on how he’s a complete moron.

“Suguru.”

Suguru sighs. “I hate when you're right; you know that?”

Gojo perks up knowing that he got through to Suguru; he coos sing-song, “If that were true, you'd hate me all the time.”

Suguru nods, “I do.”

“Oh, shut up." Gojo extends the handle of his umbrella toward Suguru. “Do you want my umbrella?”

“No, it’s fine; I’m already wet,” Suguru says, looking down at his soaked clothes as he wipes any remaining tears away. “What’s a little bit more water?”

“Good luck, Suguru.”

“Thanks Gojo.”

☆☆☆☆

You walk into your dorm slowly, in a daze-like state. Honestly, you don't even remember walking here; you just remember your fight? confession? argument? — your something with Suguru, and then there's a lapse in your memory, and now you're here.

“Y/N, dude, you're getting water everywhere.“

You sniffle and look down at the puddle that's forming underneath you. “Sorry.”

Shoko tentatively stands up from her bed and cranes her neck down to try and look at your face. “Y/N? Are you okay?”

You look up at her with a wobbly smile. “I confessed.”

She looks at you blankly, unsure if she should say something or if you are.

“He asked for space.”

“He likes you, and he asked for space?”

“I didn't tell you that—“

“It's obvious; keep up,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Anyways, so he asked for space?”

You nod blankly. “Uh huh.”

“Why?”

You rub your eyes in hopes that not looking at Shoko will make the embarrassment lessen. “I said some things in the heat of the moment, and... and yeah.”

It doesn’t.

She’s strangely unfazed; in fact, if anything, she’s partially annoyed. “Ok, and you’re just going to listen to him?”

“What else am I supposed to do, Shoko?” you ask incredulously, glaring at her with your hands back at your sides.

“Fight for him? He likes you back, and if you said something in the heat of the moment, odds are that him asking for space was also just in the heat of the moment.”

“You weren't there, Shoko. You didn't see how he was looking at me—at how he said it.”

“Y/N,” she says disappointedly, eyes shut and pinching her nose bridge. “He's literally been so upset at you ignoring him these past few days; do you really think he meant it when he asked for space? Even more space?”

You blink at her, your mind gone blank.

“Look, maybe he did, yeah? But maybe he didn't, and you won't know unless you go fight for him.”

“I don't know Shoko,” you mumble skeptically.

She rolls her eyes as she rebuts, "At the very least, you can apologize for what you said.”

“I already did.”

“Again, this time now that your head is… somewhat clearer... Are you really just gonna let him get away like this?”

“…no,” you answer weakly, which isn’t good enough for you or Shoko, who’s looking at you with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. “No,” you say again, this time with true conviction behind your words—word. “I don't want to let him get away like this. I don't want it to end like this.”

She gestures toward the door with a small, proud smile on her face. “Then go.”

You look back at the door before looking back at her and nodding. “Thank you, Shoko.”

“Uh huh,” she says, starting to walk back toward her bed, “and when you come back, you better not make another puddle.”

“No promises.”

☆☆☆☆

In an attempt to save whatever dignity you have left, you decide not to run down the halls like a shitty rom-com cliché; instead, you speed walk. Which, in hindsight, is probably even more embarrassing than just full-sending it by running, but you digress. You barely get halfway down the hall when you see Suguru. Both of you make eye contact at the same time, yet neither of you stop making your way toward each other, but you both slow down, carefully walking toward each other like two predators about to attack.

“You're leaving puddles in the hall,” you say quietly now that the two of you have come to a halt right in front of each other.

Suguru nods and looks you up and down. “So are you.”

You both stand there for a moment, just staring at each other, neither of you saying anything. Allowing your presence to speak for itself, but it's awkward—too awkward—and it feels like your knees are gonna give out on you if you stare at him any longer in silence.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came for you." He shakes his head, ignoring his own answer, like his very words aren't the most important thing to you right now. He came for you. “What are you doing here? I thought you would’ve been in your dorm by now.“

“I was—“ your voice grows quiet, “But I was coming for you too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you don’t have anything to apologize for, Suguru. I shouldn’t have said what I said; that was selfish of me. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want space,” he blurts out, hardly acknowledging your apology, which he didn't need in the first place. What he needs is you, and it will always be you.

“You don’t?”

“God no,” he says vehemently. “Space is the last thing I want. I don’t want space from you. I feel like there’s something missing when I’m away from you. How could I ever want space, Y/N?” His voice cracks a little at the end, and it has your heart racing. “I was just mad, and I shouldn’t have said that.”

You have all of these feelings inside you, and you’ve cried enough today to last the rest of your life, so instead you find yourself laughing, and Suguru looks slightly mortified.

“Why are you laughing?”

You laugh some more before trying to catch your breath, and you take a step forward closer toward him as you speak through deep breaths, “I’m just so fucking relieved. I-fuck-I love you, Suguru.”

Suguru closes the space between you two, pulling you into his embrace, and you tuck your face into his shoulder, his cold, damp clothes doing wonders to soothe your now-burning cheeks.

“I love you too, Y/N.”

“I think we look stupid standing here soaking wet and hugging...”

“Wanna make ourselves look even stupider by standing here soaking wet and kissing?”

You pull away ever so slightly just to look at him, and he’s staring at you with a smirk, and the longer he waits, the more furious the blush on his cheeks gets, and you can't help but stall your answer even more just for that reason.

“…matter of fact, yes, I do.”

Suguru grins widely but wastes no time connecting your lips together. The kiss is better than you could have ever imagined; it's gentle yet passionate all at once, and it's sloppy because neither of you can fully stop smiling long enough to keep the kisses consistent. And It's everything. He's everything, and you're mad that it even took you this long to realize that in the first place, but at least you don't have to worry about that anymore. Now you just have to worry about the fact that you two will probably end up getting sick from your wet clothes, but that's a problem for after you two stop kissing—if you two ever stop kissing.

©TODAYISAWTHEWHXLEWXRLD

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infiniteko · 7 months

Note

i’m not this anon https://www.tumblr.com/infiniteko/733096338423726080/hello-i-have-been-following-your-instagram-since but i wanted to add to it and also ask a question<3 i have had experiences where repeated daydreams actually occurred. sometimes literally in minutes or years. i was still into loa so i thought maybe imagination is reality. now i think it’s awareness? but as you said even that cannot actually describe it. anywho i acted as if i was living my dream life. did not believe anything else as true. did that for about a month before i gave up because it just didn’t manifest. funny enough i did enter the void state so many times during that month and also the fastest. i guess what i’m asking is in that post did you mean once something is observed it is? and anything else is an illusionary interpretation? so in order to get rid of that interpretation you just need to disbelieve in it? i kinda got confused i’m really sorry. i think i might need it dumbed down because i did execute a similar thing to what you described but it never happened physically. i kno now that anything else is illusionary but when will it actually happen? or is that also another limitation? ahhh thank you anyways i hope this wasn’t confusing

Hi anon, i know words can be confusing and difficult to understand. I'm not fluent in english and have no idea how else i can put it into words😆 but i'll try my best—

What i meant by "IT is and everything else is an interpretation" was that when you are aware of something, before putting a label on it and interpreting it as "this is a good situation or this is a bad situation" or "I like/hate this", you are only aware of it. Nothing else. When you look at a flower, you see a flower. Only when you start thinking about the flower, you come to conclusions like "i like the color of it" or "that flower smells bad". Those are just meaningless thoughts. Prior to thinking, you are seeing a flower. That is it. There's only awareness of it.

Where does the idea of "this is physical, this is mental" come from? When you are only aware of something, do you make a destinction between "imaginary, physical" ? Or is there no such thing, only "Being Aware"?

Your idea of a physical, tangible reality stems from nothing but thoughts but if you deeply reflect on it, is it true? If "you" were to lose all 5 senses and the ability to think, wouldn't you still have that "sense" of "existing" even though you cannot feel, see, smell, hear, taste your surroundings nor think about it?

Thoughts and labels come and go but what is ALWAYS there, is "THAT". The "sense" or "awareness" of Being.

#nondualism #nonduality #awareness #atman #brahman #advaita vedanta

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hard-core-super-star · 10 months

Note

Hey!! How are you? I hope you’re doing well. Since it’s world cup rn, is it okay if I request a Hailee steinfeld x soccer! Player reader? Reader played in England their whole career and got back home to play for L.A. They’re an energetic person, but also really dorky and awkward, especially when they first met Hailee at a party. Reader gets all mushy and blushy around her and Hailee makes first move after one of the reader’s games since the soccer player was so shy to do so. I don’t have any preference for the ending, so you can choose!

Btw, I love your work!!

my thoughts will echo your name [H.Steinfeld]

pairing: hailee steinfeld x soccerplayer!reader

summary: you meet your biggest crush at a party and let her slip past your fingers. thankfully, your feelings aren't as one-sided as you thought.

warnings: none; hailee being a flirt, R trying to match energies (and failing a little); light mentions of being outed; light trauma dump?; me not knowing shit about sports and pretending like i know what im talking about

wordcount: 2.4k

a/n: once again, let me reiterate that i know basically nothing about sports, soccer included, but i tried my best and hopefully the descriptions don't feel forced. i do have to admit i loved writing this and you can probably tell by the length. it got away from me a bit by the middle but hopefully its not boring. anywho, thank you for the request, lovely anon. (and for the support) i hope you like it <3

* * * * * * *

You weren’t sure how you ended up here.

A casual night out with some of your old friends somehow turned into you being roped into going to a party fit for a famous actress, not a soccer player. Then again, getting to crash Hollywood parties was one of the less well-known perks of the job.

A perk that was beginning to backfire on you.

You don’t know how Zendaya managed to get the information out of you, maybe it was the drinks or the genuine joy of getting to have a conversation that didn’t involve discussing game stats or strategies. You’re not sure how it happened but you somehow let it slip that you’ve always had the biggest crush on a certain Marvel actress who caught your eye the second you walked into this stupidly crowded party.

You thought it was a harmless comment that would stay between two friends but of course, life had other plans. And by life, you meant your 5’10 friend.

You had gone to get another drink from the very inviting bar and by the time you had gotten back to your friend, she was in the middle of a conversation with said crush. You were about to turn around and head the other way when Hailee’s brown eyes met yours once again. Except this time it’s not from across the room.

This time, she’s right in front of you…and you’re definitely about to make a fool of yourself one way or another.

Zendaya notices the way the brunette’s attention shifts toward you and she steps in, giving you no chance to walk away. (You don’t know whether to be upset or grateful about that) She waves you over with a bright smile. “y/n, there you are. Have you two met?”

You shake your head and take the few steps that were left between you and them. You tell yourself the warmth on your cheeks is due to the wine you’ve been drinking and not Hailee’s bright smile. “I haven’t had the pleasure. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Finally, huh?” She replies with a perfectly arched eyebrow. “I didn’t expect you to be a fan.”

Her words make your blush grow stronger and you’re suddenly incredibly glad for the lack of lighting. You rack your brain for something interesting to say and maybe it’s the drinks or the easy confidence the actress oozes but you end up sounding flirtier than you expected.

“We all need hobbies, right? I hope that doesn’t ruin your opinion of me, though. I’d hate to lose out on my chance for an autograph.”

“Hmm…” You feel weirdly exposed as her eyes trail up and down your figure. “I’ll think about it.”

She doesn’t give you a chance to react, much less reply, and instead walks away to strike up a conversation with someone else. You wait until she’s far enough away before turning to Zendaya with a dumbfounded expression on your face. “Did Hailee Steinfeld just check me out?”

“Yup. And I think she liked what she saw.”

“I’m gonna pass out.” You’re technically joking but you’re pretty sure your legs have turned to jelly from the brief exchange.

“I’m not carrying your drunk ass home if you do,” she replies with a laugh.

“Fake.” You playfully punch her shoulder, which earns you an eye-roll and a glare, before handing her your untouched glass of wine. “I’m gonna get some air.”

She gives you a nod in response and you walk away in search of some privacy to freak out over the fact that you seriously flirted with Hailee. And she...liked it? What were you supposed to do now besides overthink every second of that interaction?

For now, you settle with stepping out onto a somewhat secluded balcony and letting the silence fill your mind instead. You walk over and lean against the railing while your eyes take in the twinkling lights in the distance. You’re in the middle of admitting how much you missed L.A when you hear footsteps approaching. You don’t look to see who it is, assuming it’s a random influencer or something like that.

“You look like you’re having fun.”

Your heart skips several beats at the sound of that soft voice. You force yourself to keep your focus somewhere else, knowing the second you look in her eyes you’ll lose the last remaining bits of your calm demeanor. “Yeah, I love being alone while everyone’s in there partying.”

You can feel the warmth of her body as she comes over and leans against the railing with you. You fight back the urge to scoot closer to her.

“I have a song about that.”

“I know.” Your eyes widen once your words catch up to you. “Shit, I didn’t mean for it to sound like that.”

“Well, you did say you were a fan.” She lets her comment hang in the air and you can basically hear the underlying question she’s waiting for you to answer.

“I, um, I watched Bumblebee right before I was sent over to play for England,” you explain. “Let’s just say it struck a chord.”

You try not to think about the overwhelming loneliness that accompanied you that first year away from home. A loneliness that only got more and more severe when you came out to one of your teammates just for her to out you the second she got a chance to. The mere memory of it makes you shiver.

You can feel her eyes on you. You even catch a small glimpse of the understanding and concern hidden within them out of the corner of your own eye. “Let me guess, you feel like an outsider too?”

“Doesn't everyone?” The question slips out before you can stop it. You don't know why your heart is so insistent on spilling out all its secrets to this warm and ethereal riddle of a woman but you can't find a way to stop it from happening. And maybe you don't want it to.

Maybe a part of you believes you'll find what you've been looking for in Hailee freaking Steinfeld of all people.

“Is that why you came out so soon? To feel less alone?”

You shake your head and force the truth out of your mouth. “No, I, uh…I was outed. My manager said it was better to release a statement myself before the news spread too far but the damage was done. I got shoved out of the closet before I even played a full season.”

“I-”

“Don’t say it. I don't want your pity.”

You fear you've come off harsher than intended when she doesn't reply immediately. You're about to turn and apologize for being a sensitive jerk when you feel her hand brush against yours. You wait with bated breath, almost not believing she’s even real.

But then her hand gently grasps yours and you swear the lights in the distance grow just the tiniest bit brighter.

“It’s not pity, by the way. I’ve been there too.”

That’s all it takes for you to throw caution to the wind and finally turn to face her. You’re almost expecting her to laugh and tell you she was kidding, that despite all the signaling and the hairpin drops, she’s nothing like you. And yet there’s nothing but absolute sincerity in her gaze.

It sort of feels like she’s taking you apart and putting you back together at the same time.

You try to keep your focus on her eyes and not the tiny gap of space between your faces but you fail miserably and sneak a glance down at her lips before you can stop yourself. You’re standing so close together that if you leaned in just a bit more you could-

“y/n! There you are!”

You jump away from Hailee at the sound of another voice, successfully dropping her hand and putting space between your bodies in one move. You’re not sure why you react that way but you do your best to ignore the way your movement wipes that gorgeous smile off of her face.

One of your teammates approaches you, rapidly telling you way too many details about the arrival of another cluster of soccer players. The last thing you want to do right now is walk away from Hailee. Especially after the reaction you just had. But unfortunately, you don’t get a choice in the matter.

Your teammate grabs your arm and starts to lead you away before you can attempt to protest. You turn back to say something, maybe to tell Hailee to come with you or wait for you or anything at all before she slips away, but by the time your eyes are searching for her, she’s already gone.

You swallow down your disappointment and force yourself to smile despite the storm of thoughts brewing inside of you.

You keep your eyes peeled even as you’re pulled from one meaningless conversation to the next, hoping against all reason that you’ll catch a glimpse of Hailee before the end of the night. You don’t get your wish and you do your best to act like it doesn’t bother you when it’s really the only thing you can think about.

You think about it even once you leave the party and go back to reality. A reality you’ve grown to love but find absolutely tiring at the moment. A certain type of tiredness that doesn’t come just from training for hours every day.

You feel borderline insane with how much time Hailee’s been spending in your mind lately but no matter what you do, you can’t shake off the feeling that you messed things up before they even started. It would be so easy to just pick up your phone, go on Instagram, and send her a simple message.

You don’t do the easy thing though and instead, fill your Instagram stories with cryptic song lyrics and game day announcements. You tell yourself you’re doing it because it’s part of the job but you know deep down you’re just doing it with the hopes of a certain brunette stumbling upon your announcements and showing up to your first game back in L.A.

You tell yourself it’s just wishful thinking up until the day of the game. You make a habit of not checking your phone a few hours before you have to be out on the field which means you miss a certain someone’s reply to your story telling you she’ll be cheering you on from the stands.

Despite your lack of knowledge about Hailee’s appearance, the excitement coursing through your veins is palpable from the second you step foot outside the locker room. The chaos that greets you on the field is one you love more than anything else in the world. The ear-ringing cheers, the smell of the grass beneath your cleats, the beautiful L.A sun shining down on you, everything about it makes you feel more at home than ever before.

It’s like your mind turns off and instead allows your body and instincts to take over for the entirety of the match. Time seems to fly by while you’re playing and it’s not until after the game is over (a game your team won by two goals) that you return to yourself. Which more than anything means you manage to catch sight of Hailee right before you head back into the locker room.

You almost think you hallucinated her due to your exhaustion until she walks in a few minutes later. You suddenly understand why your teammates decided to run off to clean up and change on the other side of the room.

That does mean you’re alone with the one person who’s been running through your mind all week…and you look like an absolute mess.

You try to channel the easy confidence you pulled out of thin air the night of the party but your mind goes totally blank and you end up making an awkward joke while wiping the sweat off your flushed face with a towel. “I didn’t know they gave backstage passes.”

She shrugs, clearly amused by your flustered response. “One of the perks of the job, I guess…and my brother knows a guy.”

“Right.” You let out a humorless laugh before burying your face in your towel. “Ugh, can we please just pretend I’m still funny and charming?”

She doesn’t respond and you fear the worst when you hear the sound of footsteps. You don’t realize she’s walking toward you and not away from you until you feel her fingers wrap around your wrists. “I don’t know, I kinda like you like this.”

You groan, feeling your face grow hotter, if that’s even possible. “That’s not helping, Hailee.”

She laughs before pulling your hands down and away from your face. “Are you always this difficult?”

“It’s the trauma,” you reply.

You finally gather enough courage to look up at her and your breath catches in your breath as your eyes meet. That same feeling from your conversation on the balcony creeps up your spine once again.

Hailee looks at you in a way you’ve never experienced before. Like she’s pulling away all the debris you’ve placed in the way of your real self. In the way of your heart. Somehow, she sees past all the bullshit and the excuses, and for some reason, it doesn’t scare you. It excites you more than any soccer game ever could.

You swear she can read minds because the corners of her mouth fully lift up into a breathtaking smile the second that last thought crosses your mind. She leans forward a little. Just enough for you to feel her breath against your lips before she speaks again. “Kiss me.”

She doesn’t need to tell you twice.

You lean forward in an instant and replace the space between you with your lips. The kiss is slow and gentle and full of feelings you can barely comprehend.

A part of you is worried you're feeling way too much way too soon but then you pull away just enough to be greeted by that same smile that stole all your thoughts away the first night. It's a smile that tells you you're not alone.

And it's like you're finally able to breathe for the first time in years.

“I'm gonna go so you change,” she says in a soft voice. “Come find me when you're ready so we can go celebrate. I'll buy you a few drinks.”

“Only if you let me buy you dinner.”

She gives one more quick kiss before stepping back. “Deal.”

You watch her go with the goofiest, most dumbstruck, grin on your face. Hailee Steinfeld will probably be the death of you and you have absolutely no problems with that.

#hailee steinfeld x reader #hailee steinfeld x female reader #hailee steinfeld x you #hailee steinfeld x y/n #hailee steinfeld fic #hailee steinfeld fluff #hailee steinfeld imagine #hailee steinfeld fanfiction #hailee steinfeld #hawkeye #hawkeye fanfic #mcu #mcu fanfiction #marvel #wlw #wlw fic #writing #if you made it this far: you should go watch bumblebee :)

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chaoticspeedrun · 1 year

Note

Hello! I hope you are well!

I saw that you wanted some ideas for a fic, i have a request if thats okay. I have an request for an donnie x reader (can be gn or fem!, either is fine), where the reader seems like the villain but is trying to protect them from a bigger badder villain maybe like big mama for example? Maybe like a lovers to enemies to lovers trope? Or just a enemies to lovers trope.

Anywho i love your work! Please remember to take breaks and please remember to eat and drink something today. Bye bye!❤

AN: You guys are worrying about me and my health, it’s so sweet, I’ll try though my ADHD brain might forget, thank you <3 also, your brain is beautiful anon, villain reader lovers to enemies to lovers?? *chef’s kiss* How could I pass that up?

This one took a while because I got excited and it got long, I love how it turned out though.

Trust fall

Pairing: Rise!Donnie x Fem! reader (No use of Y/N)

Type: Oneshot

Summary: Donnie fell in love with you slowly but steadily, he would have trusted you with his life, which is why finding out you were working with a villain was too hard of a hit to take.

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending, break-ups, reader says f*ck once.

MASTERLIST

Donnie didn’t think he was too trusting, but sometimes he didn’t have the insight to people Leo and Mikey would, his own ego made him think he couldn’t be fooled, and maybe, just maybe, that would be his downfall.

He met you at the Big Nexus Hotel, you were staying there for a couple of days to try something different is what you said, a human in a huge hotel full of yokai who was suddenly ran over by a mutant ninja turtle in his attempts to escape the claws of a big feral dog called Gus.

Donnie hurried to protect you, grabbing your hand and pulling you into a run alongside him, because you were a civilian suddenly involved in the situation since Gus had seen you together, so now you were in danger too.

The moment he saw Leo on the other side of the hallway waving and opening a portal Donnie didn’t hesitate to go through it, dragging you along and directly into the lair where Mikey and Raph were already staring at you in shock, Leo just whistled, closing the portal behind him before asking.

“Well DonTron, aren’t you going to introduce us?”

Introductions were a messy affair, where you explained you’d been staying at the hotel for two days before what happened, and they explained themselves in a way. You took their explanation in stride, just accepting mutants and Yokai were a thing after the crazy persecution scene just a moment before.

Your easy acceptance put them all at ease, they were shocked at it, yes, but thought nothing more while Mikey excitedly asked if you wanted to stay for dinner and Leo just made a side comment about your attitude to them being a little weird.

Donnie should have thought it out further.

You were fitting right in and sitting at the table with them, but even after the crazy day you just had you still had enough energy to ask Donnie about his battle shell, the question then went over to his tech bō, him explaining how he got his hands on the titanium used on most of his things and then switched over to sci-fi movies, Leo joining the conversation in smalls bursts at that.

You left the lair with four new phone numbers and after a couple of months, you were already a new addition to their little found family.

You made friends with April real quick and then with Sunita, their father seemed to like you and whenever you came over you usually brought a little something with you, cookies, pizza, coffee, just something for the guys, waving off their thanks and telling them it was just good manners, even when Raph repeatedly insisted you didn’t have to, while Leo would immediately ask what you brought that day once you walked through the door.

The pride and warmth that came to Donnie whenever you’d ask about his projects, the new videogame he was into, with all your attention never straying from his rants, or when you’d laugh at one of his jokes started growing and changing into something else with each of your visits.

You were always considerate of them, but he couldn’t figure out how with just a small exchange of texts between the both of you before your arrival at the lair you always seemed to be able to tell if he was in the mood for plain black coffee or a lavender latte and would walk into his lab with a small greeting plus the steaming cup in your hands.

Small things like that increased and slipped into your interactions, making him feel like you knew and understood him better than anyone else.

It made him happy, it made him nervous at times. He started making things for you, gift giving was one of his love languages, why wouldn’t he use it with one of his closest friends? One of his favorite people.

But your reaction to his gifts made him short-circuit, you were so happy, so genuine in your excitement, asking questions about the gadget he made to facilitate your routine and communication with the lair and using it as much as you could.

He started making more things for you, and you reciprocated with your own little gifts to him.

At some point you were both just stuck at the hip, always together when you were at the lair, standing by each other’s side during missions, and texting or calling when you weren’t present.

The guys teased him constantly for months and he would deny what they said until April basically slapped him in the face with the knowledge they all had and he had been in denial about.

He was in love with you.

And it scared him enough to hide in his lab for a couple of days before Leo portaled Mikey wearing full Dr. Feelings attire inside for the longest lecture of his life.

With all the courage he could manage to get from his brother and your worried texts asking if he was fine, Donnie realized that he trusted you, and he trusted that regardless of how you felt about him you could continue your friendship just as normal.

You couldn’t, you couldn’t continue your friendship just as normal, because after Donnie managed to confess you jumped into his arms telling him you felt the same, and suddenly it wasn’t all the same, Donnie was practically vibrating in your arms with glee, it was way better.

The time you shared increased if possible and the laughs did too, freer and more frequent; because knowing one another so well was another love language you shared.

Donnie felt he understood you just like you did him, he knew you better than anyone could, had seen you happy, sad, angry, and he could read you just perfectly by now.

Which was why even though, occasionally, you would disappear for a couple of hours or even days, Donnie didn’t even think to ask much of where you were going most of the time, as long as he knew you were just fine, what did it matter? When you came back you would tell him of a lady at the store who fought with you for a box of cookies or about your aunt who lived out of state and always had a weird story to tell.

Leo did ask though, he would ask frequently, and you’d say you had some errands to run, you were going to the store, to a party or a family gathering, and Donnie would say good luck, while Leo would nonchalantly let you go, but his gaze whispered doubts.

One day he spoke them out.

He asked Donnie about what you did those days when you went completely off radar and Donnie looked at Leo like he was insane, telling him it was your business, but his brother wouldn’t budge, and the conversation switched tone quickly with Leo telling Donnie how your attitude was weird.

“It’s the way she doesn’t look anyone in the eyes whenever she goes MIA, it’s different from when she just goes grocery shopping or something, why would she need to go without any communication like that anyways?”

“Please Nardo” Donnie rolled his eyes “It’s called privacy? And some people just feel like staring into the ocular globes of other people is uncomfortable.”

“Does she?” Leo insisted and Donnie knew the answer was usually a no, but he wouldn’t give his brother the satisfaction “It’s not only that Don, why is she always so sketchy when we ask to see her apartment?”

“Can you just drop it Nardo? Some people just prefer their privacy.”

“She is always hanging out at the lair though? But refuses video calls if she’s not out on the street. And how long have we known her for already? So long and not even her boyfriend has seen her apartment or even a picture of her family?”

Donnie winced but refused to give in “She’ll show us when she’s ready! Why is that such a hard concept for you to grasp Nardo? What do you even think she could be hiding from us? How can you be just spouting such baseless claims like my girlfriend is hiding something horrible from us.”

Leo sighed, shifting slightly in place before asking his next question, a bit more careful, Donnie faltered at the change of tone “Can you just check where she is? I want to believe you’re right Don, but there’s something that has just always seemed off about her to me, I won’t ask you again, the moment we see with your GPS that she’s at her parents’ place out of state like she said I’ll completely drop the topic.”

Donnie wasn’t like Leo, he couldn’t read people so easily, but he knew you, and he knew you way better than Leo did, so he knew there was no reason to doubt you and Leo was just reading a nonexistent text between lines that were as clear as they seemed.

So he caved, with an exasperated sigh, he turned to his computer and started typing something to pull out your coordinates with the chip he placed on your phone and hadn’t used, telling himself he’d only do so if there was an emergency, but he could make an exception, then Leo would finally get off both of your backs.

The algorithm showed your location and both boys stared at the screen, the calm expression on Donnie’s face shifted to something more worrying and Leo’s frown returned.

You were at the Grand Nexus Hotel.

There had to be a reason for what he and Leo had found out, and Donnie wanted to figure out what it was.

He was going to ask you when you came back because there was surely an explanation for you going there, so when you came back after a couple of hours with the flashing light of your location glaring at him through the screen, he asked how things went, sure you’d tell him your reasons.

Except you said it was fine and told him a story about your parents being worried about you and asking about your life, how the food was great and other things Donnie realized were pretty generic, too generic.

You were lying to him, and he didn’t even know how long you had been lying for.

Things were changing, and you had noticed, but Donnie avoided your questions, he avoided the topic all together even though it ate at his insides because a part of him still wanted to believe you and kept making excuses.

Only two days after they saw you at the hotel, Leo came into the lab through a portal; Donnie was about to yell at him, but Leo spoke faster.

“She’s at the hotel again, come on, I’ll go for Mikey and Raph.” Leo left immediately after that, and Donnie’s heart was beating faster, how did Leo know that? Had he been following you since then?

He met his brothers in the projector room and Leo’s portal took them to the Grand nexus hotel, Raph and Mikey were asking questions, but Donnie could barely hear them, just automatically following Leo’s instructions to check your location on his GPS, which confirmed that you were right there like his brother said, the turtles all followed until they were right behind the doors to Big Mama’s office, Donnie’s heart sinking further at the realization.

He barely remembers what happened after, the doors were wide open and there you were, dressed in all black, your clothes covering most of you except your eyes but it was you, staring back at him, first wide-eyed and then coldly, standing next to Big Mama comfortably, someone said something and he thinks there was a discussion or exchange of words, but he couldn’t remember, Big Mama herself gave you the order to attack them and he finally noticed a pair of escrima sticks suddenly in your hands as you rushed their way.

You were moving so fast, so practiced, like you had been trained, so unlike when you went on missions with them, you were flowing naturally, using your weapons against Leo, who had met you in the middle, like they were an extension of your body.

He’d tried to teach you to use his bō before, you were so clumsy with it when you tried.

Even that had been a lie.

It was all a blur, suddenly they were all fighting you when more yokai working for Big Mama joined in, Donnie was fighting with a newfound rage, all his scrambled thoughts making him see red, so much red Raph had to restrain him and carry him by force out of there, he heard Mikey trying to reason with him but Donnie ignored him with his eyes set on you.

“WHY?!” He managed to yell when you stopped following them near the entrance of the hotel “WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY GAIN FROM LYING? YOU LIED ABOUT EVERYTHING!”

“What could Big Mama’s guard gain from knowing everything about the turtles that get on her nerves?” You responded coldly and Donnie’s eyes were glassy with rage and pain while his brother pulled them both right through a portal back home.

He cried on April’s shoulder that night, over a pile of his brothers who must have felt betrayed themselves but quietly supported him through the heartbreak.

After that you kept meeting, thankfully you must not have noticed the tracker Donnie had placed on you, because whenever you were doing Big Mama’s dirty work, he got an alarm and they’d find you.

Every time you met, Donnie would remember everything you had done and couldn’t look into your eyes, thankfully he didn’t have to if he was shooting missiles at you from afar, why did he always go for your type? Cute and mean, he just hadn’t realized how mean.

And it wasn’t easy to fight you because despite his common sense and how much he hated himself for it he still had feelings for you, it was horrible, he hated it, he hated it so much, and he couldn’t help but ask himself every single time he saw you even from the corner of his eyes if anything you’d gone through had been real at all.

All the laughs, all the smiles, all the gifts, all your questions, had all of it been a lie? Was there anything in your relationship that could have been real? Was that how you could read him so easily?

It infuriated him to no end, to know he had just handed you over every weakness you could need to fight them.

Except that when they arrived at the lair one night after a successful fight against you, Leo pointed out that you hadn’t used anything you knew against them even once since they found you out.

It made no sense, but he was too tired after seeing you and was walking straight to bed, ignoring his twin’s plea to talk about it and his voice asking if you knew where they lived, why wouldn’t you try to use it? Why had you let them go that day at the hotel—

“Why has she failed every single time we’ve fought when she knows the controls to your tech?!”

Donnie halted and turned to Leo with wide eyes, he had forgotten, how could he be so stupid? He’d forgotten you knew every weakness, every button, every function of his tech.

“You knew that! You knew she could use it if she wanted to sabotage it! Why didn’t you say anything?!” He asked Leo, Raph looked surprised too.

“She can do that? Leo! She could have put us all at risk!”

“But she could have done that from the beginning!” Leo told them, stressing out the last part “She could have done so anytime we fought but she hasn’t! She had a grasp of Donnie’s bō at one time and conveniently touched a button that electrocuted her! Isn’t that suspicious?!”

It was, it was suspicious.

But what about it? There was no questioning you were the bad guy, you had been lying to them about everything, you had been helping Big Mama get her claws into strange artifacts—

Except, Leo was right, Donnie was tired of Leo being right, but you hadn’t gotten Big Mama all those artifacts, you had failed.

Donnie rushed over to Leo and took the latest artifact out of his hands, he rushed with it to his lab where the rest of what they had gotten from you was stored, his brothers following behind.

He hadn’t taken the time to study them, got a couple books that may have some answers about what they were, but studying them had felt like a pain, he lacked motivation, until now.

He rushed through the books, pulling artifacts and making mental notes about them and what they could do together, his brothers tried asking questions and touching them but he pushed them off with his metal limbs.

“Why would Big Mama even use this?” He mumbled, catching their attention “It’s like a defense mechanism against her type of yokai, and this other one is a mechanism against—”

Against a serpent, a chimera, it was a neutralizer.

A smudge on it caught his attention and there it was, in your own writing, ‘Amphisbaena’, one of Big Mama’s champions, the two-headed serpents.

He reached out for another one that had written ‘Cortex’ on it.

‘Operator’

‘Sprite’

‘Troll’

All of them were names of Big Mama’s champions, all of the artifacts labeled with the name of a champion it could either restrain or knock out, they had been hidden deep into the city, guarded carefully but unassumingly, yet you had known exactly where they were.

‘Why has she failed every single time we’ve fought when she knows the controls to your tech?!’

You hadn’t failed, Big Mama hadn’t asked you to get these artifacts in the first place, that’s why you never had backup, you always acted alone, guiding them to these.

Donnie was worried, because why would it be so easy? Why would it be like that? Whatever Big Mama was planning were you really trying to stop it? Was it foolish of him to believe that? The slight glimmer of hope he hadn’t managed to discard begged him to believe it was true, but could he? Why would he?

Why should he fall again for your lies? This could all just be a trap.

So he turned to his brother, who’d been putting together the pieces while watching over his shoulder, turned to Leo, so he could wake him up with the cold harsh truth, squash that small last glimmer of hope Donnie had so he could move on.

But when he did Leo had that look in his eyes like the cat that caught the canary, there was relief in his face and Donnie’s eyes widened while his twin turned to him.

“We need to get through Big Mama’s security and find out her plans, we’ll infiltrate her office tomorrow if you can figure out by then how these things work” Leo spoke confidently, starting to explain a plan to the rest of them while Donnie was unable to stop the hope from growing in his chest.

The boys were right in Big Mama’s office, the others guarding while Donnie looked through her computer for anything that could help them.

Finally, he found something, a whole file, but it was better if he just took it and read it at home, he started downloading the information and looking it over to make sure it was what they needed when he heard a thump and Mikey’s yell.

“Turtley-boos, I thought we’d already talked about this” Big Mama’s voice echoed through the room and Donnie saw her right at the door “No stealing from Mama.”

Leo and Raph went to attack while Donnie kept glancing at the tab’s process and cursing the size of it, just one more moment just one moment.

And then he remembered the artifacts, he took the one labeled ‘Big Mama’ and threw it “Leo!”

Leo caught it with an “ahá!” and pointed it at the spider before realizing he had no idea how it worked “Gah!” Leo was pinned against the wall by a web while Big Mama took the artifact in her hands with a new expression on her face.

“HOW did you get this?” She asked but the artifact was taken from her hands by a pair of five-fingered ones.

“Guess” You said before pressing on the side of the artifact and opening it, a burst of light came from Big Mama like the artifact was a vacuum for her energy and the spider yokai dropped, glaring up at you, a hint of amusement in her otherwise angry eyes.

She chuckled humorlessly “Oh I knew there was something I liked about you, I just hoped you were as smart as your parents when choosing a side.”

“My parents have never controlled me BM, and neither could you” You snarled before hearing guards approaching your door.

You rushed out to take something from Big Mama’s pocket, she tried to claw at you but you were faster.

You quickly made your way to Leo, using a laser to destroy the web, he fell with a screech before you pushed his Katana onto his chest.

“Get us to champion’s row, now!” You yelled.

“We still don’t know what she’s planning!” Donnie replied from where he stood at the computer.

“I’ll tell you! But we need to reach her champions NOW!” Your eyes were looking at him imploringly and while Donnie wanted to fight you and ask why he should trust you at all the familiar steps were getting closer and he cursed pulling himself away from the computer while Leo opened the portal, you all went through, and appeared at the entrance of champion’s row, where the halls were silent.

Mikey suddenly jumped into your arms making you stumble a bit with your eyes open wide.

“I knew it! I knew you couldn’t be on Big Mama’s side, you were always hiding something but I had the feeling you were protecting us!”

WHAT?

Donnie’s exasperation was slightly clouded when you closed your eyes and hugged Mikey back with all your strength, breathing with what Donnie knew was relief before you pulled back from the hug, your expression firm.

“Big Mama has been looking for an old jewel that is said to possess the power to control all yokai, she found it just recently and hid it under the surveillance of her champions, she was waiting for a big event, but because of what just happened she’ll want to use it now, that’s why we have to neutralize her champions and get the jewel before she recovers and comes for it—”

“And you know this because?” Donnie asked, glaring at you, and seeing how your shoulders tensed before sighing and reaching up to remove your mask.

“My parents work with Big Mama” You mumbled, the silence was dense for a moment “They work for the human part of the hotel’s business and raised me to continue their work, I was trained from a young age because a human working with the yokai mob boss is clearly not a safe job.”

“Woah, Okay! So, you are supposed to inherit their side of the business? And why should we trust you then? Why should we help you?!” Donnie asked, his voice getting louder and echoing through the halls as he walked up to you, he knew it, there it was! They couldn’t believe you.

You didn’t react much, looking back at Donnie with something akin to resignation, like you weren’t expecting anything less, calmly you continued speaking “I’ve hated what my parents and Big Mama do my whole life” you said while Donnie looked for any shift in your expression “When I was a kid I was exposed to the battle nexus, I saw the fights and then I saw the warriors trapped in their cells down here, saw them battle to the death with other people who didn’t even have a chance and how the yokai enjoyed the show, making bets for the next fight when there was a corpse left down in the arena.” Donnie faltered slightly, listening to the hurt in your words.

“I threw up the first time I saw it, while my parents told me I’d get used to it eventually, and I refused them, I had a rebellious phase, they called it, until I realized, if I was here, I could learn how to change things and tamper with BM’s plans, so suddenly, I became their golden child.” There was a new glint in your eyes, Donnie wished you’d stop giving him reasons to hope.

“How long had you been working with her?” Leo asked, and you sighed.

“Two days before I met you guys, BM took me in to become a guard at her side so I could see how she ran the business from up close and that’s when I learned about the jewel.”

“Then why didn’t you tell us?” Raph who had been mostly quiet so far asked a little defensively “We could have helped you if we knew.”

“It was risky” Your voice sounded pleading “After meeting you BM started suspecting me for being around you that one time, so I had to prove I had nothing to do with you to her, if you suddenly seemed to know things about her plans that you shouldn’t she would have immediately distrusted me.” Your eyes strayed to Donnie’s with so much sadness in them and he would have pulled at his hair if he had any, it was so hard to not give in to that look, but he knew better than to do so.

“The day you found me out at the hotel I wanted to talk to you guys and come out clean with everything, but Big Mama was angry and suspicious because you clearly knew who I was, so she started keeping information from me, leaving her side would have made everything I’d worked for meaningless and I wouldn’t have realized when she got her hands on the jewel, I panicked but knew she wouldn’t just use it quietly, she would have gone with a big event, so I found out where she was guarding it and started guiding you with Donnie’s tracker to the artifacts, if I had them BM could have found out, but with you, they’d be safer.”

“All right!” Leo sounded chipper “So where is the jewel? So we can get out of here pronto and talk over pizza about how disowned you are.” Raph and Mikey hummed in agreement, Mikey mentioning something about getting your favorite before Donnie raised his hands up.

“Just like that? We are just going to trust her and welcome her back to the circle?! Like nothing happened, she still lied to us! She still lied to me!” Donnie pointed at himself with his thumb, an angry glare directed straight at you, and he saw you wilt in place, his glare trembled but there was a loud hiss coming from the hallway right at that moment.

You all hadn’t exactly been quiet that whole time.

“It’s Amphisbaena! Quick, this way!” You reflexively took hold of Donnie’s arm, pulling him through another hall before letting go “The artifact! It will knock them out, just turn the cover!”

Donnie rushed to pull the artifact out before Mikey took it from his hands, pointing it excitedly at the serpent that was getting too close for comfort.

There was a screech and a thump before both heads were on the floor completely knocked out, you pointed to another hall and went running, the boys all following you while Donnie passed them each one of the artifacts.

“We’re close! Just this one and the jewel should be behind the bars—” your voice was interrupted by a loud growl and you seemed to pale

“Who’s that?” Donnie asked going through the labels of artifacts they’d already gone through, one of them held a little tiny Sprite in there, the angry champion unable to get out and hitting the glass with her fists.

“It’s Kraken Tom, I couldn’t find anything for Kraken Tom” you said in a panic, right at that moment a black tentacle reached out from your right and took you in its grasp while you screamed.

Donnie yelled your name before taking out his staff “Let her go you outgrown cephalopod!” A big missile launcher construct in neon purple materialized before shooting at the Kraken right in the face, the Kraken screeched before letting go of you due to the pain, you were falling rapidly before being caught in Donnie’s arms, you looked up at him enamored but he wasn’t looking back, glaring at the Kraken before letting you back down.

“Hey buddy, miss me?” Leo asked the Kraken before slicing through one of its tentacles while another tried to reach him “Donnie! You two go for the jewel, we’ll take care of this.”

Donnie and you looked at each other before rushing down the hallway, finally, you found what you were looking for, behind a strong container was the jewel.

“why can’t Leo just take it out with a portal?” Donnie asked as you rummaged through the pouch on your waist.

“It has a barrier against mystic arts, I took this from Big Mama back at her office” you said holding up a key in your hands and twisting it through the lock, immediately the jewel was released but a green portal opened behind you, sending chills through your spine.

“Oh darling, I thought your parents taught you better than this, they’ll be very disappointed” Big Mama was right behind you and you pulled out the artifact again but your hand holding it was pinned to the wall immobile a moment later with her web goop.

“Donnie take the gem!” You turned to him with desperation and he did quickly pocketing the thing before pointing his staff at Big Mama but she was already holding her claws to your neck.

“You should think twice turtley-boo, it’s the gem or her neck” She hummed, her claws already pulling at the skin but you refused to express your pain.

“Take it Donnie! You must leave now!” You yelled and he growled.

“Don’t be daft, like that would happen, this though, looks interesting” Donnie smirked with the jewel pointed right at Big Mama who gasped and pulled more blood from your neck before a beam of light made her eyes whiten, suddenly over the control of Donnie.

“Come on!” He said taking your hand in his and pulling you away from Big Mama who was starting to wake up from the trance since Donnie didn’t know how to use the jewel.

You both reached the guys who were finishing with Kraken Tom, when Leo saw you he immediately created another portal “let’s blow this popsicle stand” he said and you all ran through it.

You were in the med bay with Leo as he treated the cut on your neck, which was thankfully superficial, while Mikey prepared some dinner for you all.

It was really quiet for a bit, you were clearly uncomfortable after everything and couldn’t read what Leo might be thinking, as far as you knew he was the one who found you out, he suspected you for a while and you couldn’t blame him, it may have been to protect them and your mission but you had been lying to them this whole time, going as far as to hide your fighting abilities so they wouldn’t ask too much, the idea of pizza at their dinner table wasn’t something you entertained, your plan was to leave after everything and give them space.

Give Donnie space, despite how much it would hurt you.

“I know he understands why you did it” Leo broke the silence, still looking at the wound while cleaning it “It makes sense, it was logical and by this point he knows you only had good intentions, he does it all the time himself, good things that look wrong.” You snorted looking away.

“He’s right though, I lied, and he has no reason to trust me again after everything.” You said bitterly “I fucked up Leo, and Donnie deserves way better than me.”

“Maybe let him decide that?” Leo looked at you and you expected him to look stern, but his gaze was full of concern, for you? For Donnie? It was a brotherly concern you didn’t think would be directed at you again “I’m not saying it’s fine, you hurt him, he has every right to be angry at you, I know I was pissed” he gave you a lazy grin and you looked down again “But you were protecting him, weren’t you?”

“Big Mama would have gone after you all if she’d known I was friends with you.”

“I’m not talking about that” He rolled his eyes “I’m talking about the fact that you could have found a way to tell us everything and you didn’t because you knew Donnie would have tried to help you and put himself at risk, you thought it was better for him to hate you.”

You kept looking down, but then you heard a very familiar voice at the entrance of the med bay.

“That’s just so stupid” Donnie snarled lowly, and you tensed up, Leo finished bandaging up your neck and stood up, sending a reassuring look your way before walking out of the bay and leaving you with his purple-coded brother.

There was only silence while Donnie sat down in front of you where Leo had been, you finally broke it by speaking “What did you do to the jewel?”

“I destroyed it” He sighed sounding bitter “I wanted to study it but it’s probably better that no one gets their hands on it” he said as if he had been trying to convince himself of that “I also recovered a bunch of data from Big Mama’s computer”

At that he looked into your eyes and your own widened slightly as you realized what he must have found.

“She was planning to control me specifically” It wasn’t a question, just a fact “to create something that would allow her to increase the range of the jewel, is that why you were there when we broke in? To slip the info over to us somehow?”

“Yes” you mumbled and heard him sigh, he slumped slightly in his place, but his posture was a bit more relaxed, and you dared to look up, just to find him staring straight at you, his eyes softer than they’d been since that day at the hotel when he’d seen you with Big Mama.

“What was the truth? Were you dating me just for convenience? So you could help us because you knew I was in danger?”

“No!” You scrambled to answer quickly, eyes open wide and startling him for a moment, you looked pained at the thought “No of course not, none of that was a lie” you pleaded “About working with Big Mama and my disappearances, that was, my relationship with my parents and about my fighting skills those were because otherwise, you could have found out the first part, but none of our interactions were fake or staged, I wasn’t trying to get to you in the beginning, it was pure coincidence.”

The corners of Donnie’s mouth twitched down slightly as he tried to school his expression, but he was having a hard time doing so when your glassy eyes made him want to hold you tight back in his arms.

“Donnie I was never planning on falling in love with you, I just did” your voice had gotten lower, almost scared and he decided he’d had enough, quickly pulling you into a tight embrace, he felt you stiffen before relaxing and hiding your face in his shoulder, it felt wet, and he realized you were crying, so he held you tighter, holding back his own tears of relief.

“You’re going to have a lot of explaining to do, I want a full essay on everything that happened from then to now and no more lies, not even small ones, about Big Mama, your parents, everything” you didn’t say anything but nodded into his shoulder, he started drawing circles on your back with his fingers before continuing “But for now I just want to get some food into my system and hold my girlfriend in my arms while we watch Jupiter Jim Pluto vacation IV”

You separated from the hug looking up at him with teary eyes open wide, you looked so confused but he just reached up to wipe the tears while you attempted to form words “Ar-are you sure? Donnie, you don’t have to get back with me or hell, even forgive me if you don’t want to”

“Why would I not forgive the person who sacrificed her own well-being for mine? Your methods may have been less than ideal but I’m not stupid enough to let you go after all of that.” His voice was chiding, but his expression was soft and a small smile had started forming in his face.

You reached up quickly to place your lips over his and he held the back of your head to pull you closer.

You felt like you still had to make up for much, but Donnie was fine, and if anything was true it was that he loved you as much as you loved him.

#rise donnie x reader #rottmnt donnie x reader #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise! donnie #rottmnt donatello x reader #donatello x reader #donnie x reader

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sleepis4theweak · 4 months

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Im gonna start answering asks for a bit in one giant post for organization reasons (because there are so many), so here is the first batch! <3

(only 1 anon's ask answered- Star anon!)

@diona-98 I MISREAD YOUR ASK- and then this was too cute to pass up. And don't think I wouldn't put baby Diona in there as well... you will never escape her...

(Side note: I totally see Bean as a baby that refuses to be swaddled. Like you look away for two seconds and she somehow has a hand out, no matter how many times you re-swaddle her.)

(@ilikestarfoxturtles and @mikebeanz)

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@auggie-arts HI!!! Sorry it took me so long to answer this- I wasn't sure if I got the right time/design for them... send me another ask with a photo when I reopen my asks and I'll do an actual color drawing for you tho <3

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HI STAR ANON!!! Sorry it took me so long, I kept redrawing him because he didn't look right. (Secretly I have like 3 different art pieces that were supposed to be responses to this ask). Have a lil sketch of him for now... and know he's on my list of turtles to draw! <3

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@mikeyanjello-stuffz HIIIIIII- I'm gonna be so fr, the original drawing that was supposed to be a response to this ask was this piece... then I ended up posting it without answering the ask... have this little tiktok snippet I drew to tide you over hehe :) I'm definitely gonna draw him soon!

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@mikebeanz @diona-98 LMAO- YOU GUYS HAVE THE FUNNIEST DYNAMIC ISTG

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@mikey-rottmnt THIS WAS FROM WHEN I HAD JUST FINISHED FINALS I CAN'T BELIEVE IT TOOK ME THAT LONG TO RESPOND- ANYWHO: THANK YOU SO MUCH!! <3 <3 <3

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@buny1 Another one from the end of finals- THANK YOUUUUUU <3 <3 <3

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@banana-pancake5 HIIIII!!!!! <3 <3 <3

#answered asks #<3 <3 <3 #star anon!#sleepy art

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placeinthemiddleofnowhere · 6 months

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Hi! Hello, G’day- any other greetings.

I uhh, never really done something like this before. But I have had this idea running around my head for a hot minute.

Before I carry on, can I just say how much I love your Reign Down on me series! It’s soooo good! <3 Anywho-

You obviously don’t gotta answer or write anything if it makes you uncomfortable! :)

How would Pup react to finding like young kids on a mission? Cause since their own childhood was practically snatched away from them, do you think they would feel almost uncomfortable or anything? Standoffish, unsure, almost wanting to not go near them in fear of scaring the kids.

Or would they be gentle and caring, almost like how you see big dog breeds be so soft and nuzzling with young kids. Would they get even more protective, possibly even growl at Ghost when he says they need to move to the next building? And that someone else will take care of the kids?

I hope that made sense! Have a good day/Night

(Could I also be 🐺 Anon? if it hasn’t been taken of course)

I think you can be 🐺 yeah! That’s so sweet you’ve taken the leap and written in when you don’t usually, thank ya 💕 I love keeping the reign universe going

That’s a really good point as well, I think Pup probably would be soooo bad at talking to kids because they have no idea how to relate ahaha. Although they have trouble relating to anyone in general, their socialisation has been appalling! Like a kid would approach and Pup would just side eye them and step away, they got no clue how to deal with those.

However if they were in a work situation I imagine they’d be more amicable. Between Pup who’s lightly armoured so they can move quicker and Ghost who’s covered head to toe in skulls and heavy armour, the kids are probably only gonna want to talk to Pup. In that case I think they’d be open to giving hugs and reassurance and trying to model how Ghost is with them a bit, even if they are still awkward about it and have very little idea of how to comfort them verbally.

#reign down on me

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dana-chan-the-control-brain · 5 months

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Hello! I know you're one of the people who ship Moon and Solar (TSAMS) And y'all have gotten me into the ship as well! XD I'm not caught up on the lore of the show(s) So i haven't even seen Solar IN SHOW before (i am very behind to before Lunar was Sun and Moons brother :' D) But I have some ideas I'm debating writing for the ship buttt....I have no clue how Canon Solar acts??? Do you know if theres somewhere I could find a Summary on his personality? (and I suppose...new Moon?) I'll probably unintentionally make them OOC...never written for anything TSAMS related, but i'll try!

And is there a ship names thats...like used for them instead of Solar X Moon or is it just called that?

Anywho, I hope you have a good day/night!!! You make awesome stuff! (And I know theres been some people making drama over the ship, I hope you don't let them get to you too much tho!! <3 /P)

🦈Anon

AWESOME!

Heheheh. Thank you. I've been shipping these two since June 2023 so I'm glad I can share the brainrot and some people are more welcoming and cool then I expect. (mostly the ones who can't think critically are the youtube audience but that's expected. Since a lot of the youtube target audience are... like.. minors or really young adults who can't conceive the concept.)

I rewatch that Episode where Solar changes his name and rebuilds the Daycare in a week just for Moon constantly cause it's just... so much admiration and appreciation Moon has for Solar in that episode. I swear I don't know if it was a flub on the actor's part... but I swear Moon calls him 'sexy' as he's dragging him to charge. the stock sound effect of "OOOOH" doesn't help my APD and I've listened so many times and I have no possible idea what Moon could be saying to Solar other then 'come here you stupid, sexy-...." (trails off) sooo... idk. I might have misheard that severely but that's just what I'm hearing.

Like, in terms of New Lore of the show, it gets pretty complicated.

So complicated in fact, TSAMS themselves released a new video on the subject.... But it's NOT a very good guide, as it misses a lot of things. (and no I don't mean the stupid guest cameo stuff) this is more or less an abridged take on what happens with no emotional impact:

youtube

Like, this is a good starting point if you want the barest of bones, but it misses so much stuff. I think they don't even mention how Solar gets introduced into this family. lol. Just like "yeah Im here and I helped kill Eclipse" fheahehf. It's a super well made video though, and I don't mind the editing mistakes (clearly when the actors change the avatar on screen.... whoops. Happens a few times)

There is also the Fan Wiki, but as of now, it is incomplete, (@twinanimatronics is working tirelessly on updating the wiki and I wish they got more reconignition from the tsams community as a whole ) but it does give a decent look into Solar

There is also the huge TSAMS Lore Document, which Ceph(twinanimatronics) also worked on which contains a further detailed explanation of the story so far, for those who don't have time to watch 2 years worth of youtube content that aren't in a concrete playlist. (TSAMS. PLAYLIST YOUR STUFF PROPERLY. YOU HAVE TWO YEARS OF LORE HERE)

Liike.... yeah... this is okay but like..

This is VRchat. Aka the lore. Which also includes when they play videogames in VRchat, which don't impact the story... Like Uno, Amongus and SCP stuff.....

And it doesn't divide the arcs. Something that TSAMS severely needs more then any other SB Show channel.

Also, in the early days, the gameplay videos USED to be part of the lore. As the concept of Eclipse itself, being a rouge evil ai that lived in Sun's head (as it was presented initially but we know the truth it was the killcode moon planted in Sun when they separated.)

These days, they kinda dropped the gameplay videos being directly connected to the over arching plot. Other then just saying that their vids are pre-recorded or "we're back" after an annual halloween takeover.

Not to mention... When Earth and Lunar got a show, they became intertwined with the Sun and Moon show. LAES is very much it's own thing, but it's the ONLY Security Breach Show that consists of two Original Characters spawned from the Sun and Moon show. A rarity. So their lore continues off from the Sun and moon show, giving more info on Lunar these days and Earth (their sister)

Then you have the Monty and Foxy show (which is my least favorite of the shows... Personal Preference. I try not to complain cus I know some people like it. But I do not like the plot points in that show, or the character writing and weird directions they take while being connected to the same universe.)

And Monty is a character voiced by Davis, who also voices Sun. So Monty started out as a prominent character on the Sun and Moon Show, and then got his OWN show... at a point in TSAMS history after Eclipse got the star and killed Lunar.

So yeah. I wish the playlists were better organized here. So we knew when each era starts.

(people say Matpat should get on this show lore... And noooooooo no thanks. Keep him away. We got you covered. Ceph honestly has enough info to make a video guide at this point.)

But long story short, Solar is a "Good Eclipse" from another dimension that the Old Moon introduced to Lunar, when Lunar was struggling with his trauma of leaving Eclipse. Good Eclipse and Lunar become friends.

Anyway, here are some key episodes that outline NewMoon and Solar's relationship, as Solar had never met the Old Moon.

Old Moon had never met Solar. It was New Moon who introduced himself to Solar to help defeating Eclipse once and for all. (and by this point lunar had died)

youtube

He was actually surprised that this Moon was a chill Moon and could be reasoned with and talked to, considering he was living a rather oppressive life from his own Moon.

There's also a whole episode saga of just these two bantering and talking while they work on the satellite together. I can't remember which specific episodes those are.

You can also see the difference between the Evil Eclipse and Good Eclipse here in one of my all time favorite episodes:

youtube

Moon saving Solar's life: (also the death of the bad Eclipse)

youtube

Everything is good and happy after Eclipse dies for awhile. (aside of Ruin and Bloodmoon wrecking shit) He goes back to his own dimension... and you get to see what his sad life is like:

youtube

From his Moon calling him "byproduct" and failure very often.

But... Something happens and Solar is forced to come to Moon's dimension

here's Solar at his poor little meow meow "I have nowhere to go" stage and just... thought to go to Moon immediately due to their history.

youtube

Moon's only question about Solar moving in, is that if he wanted him to blacklist his dimension once he heard what was going on with his Moon.

And immediately, Solar jumps in to help Moon with his problems.

Also during the halloween takeover part 2 electric boogaloo, Solar was the one to help get Sun and Moon back after being teleported to a different dimension with no hopes of returning

youtube

Also, after Ruin was cured and Bloodmon ran off, Solar rebuilt the ruined Daycare in a week. And Moon is so grateful for it. (i rewatch this episode a lot. It cemented the ship in my mind and built the commodity that they've been building up for months)

youtube

We also get what Solar's daily life is like so far... How out of place he feels, being someone from a different dimension, despite the Brothers (and sister's) insistence, he still doesn't really feel like he's part of the family. He feels like an outsider. (He also has less opportunities to hang out with Lunar. As he expressed interest in playing games with him like the good old days, and as of recently, they have not yet)

also a good example of the Celestial family changing minds on family dynamics because they are robots. Lunar flat out rejected Vegeta-Animatronic is his brother even if he technically is. Like, they're robots. They can change their relationships to each other based on their word. I like to see it more flexible then it is in reality with actual people/humans.

Moon also trying to make Solar feel comfortable and feel like he's adjusting well here. Expressing his concern for him doing so much for him and his family. And hoping to not pressure him into so much work.

youtube

As of recently, his Sun died, and he killed his Moon. And in his therapy session (on the Lunar and Earth Show) he expressed regret over "Leaving" them...

But he has not properly told anyone about this.

My reasoning is that he probably thinks that the family will jump on the chance to call him "Evil" .....They don't have good luck with Eclipses.... and every Eclipse they met other than him has been Evil. (that must weigh on you. Every version of yourself is deemed as evil across every dimension. You are the only good one. Maybe there is something wrong with you)

I'm already at the video limit, but on Lunar and Earth show, there is an interesting episode where Lunar goes into Solar's head, and his mindscape looks like the Willy Wonka TV room, because it was a movie he watched with his Sun before they separated and Sun died. Showing that he did care about his Sun a whole lot... Which is probably why he doesn't interact with our Sun that much alone.

He also compartmentalizes everything before he can feel emotions, playing his own memories in third person as if he's not experiencing them.

Not to mention, he organizes and separates his thoughts on NewMoon and HIS Moon, just so he won't associate the two.

I also missed what episode it was, but Solar is always the first to call Moon out when he's being angry, or irrational, and Sun admits in his therapy session, that Solar is the only person who can calm Moon down. (mainly cus he's used to it, but unlike his old moon, this moon listens)

Anyway...

I love Solar a lot, can you tell?

#danachan's replies #danachan's asks #solarmoon #solar x moon #Solar analysis

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