#apologies if anyone's drawn this parallel already

[icouldhyperfixatehim]

🐶🐕 (2/2) (1)

[burnt-up-stegosaurus]

I don't know if anyone has already talked about this but the statements Norris/Martin and Chester/Jon each read feel QUITE fitting somehow like

Martin's first lines: "I'm so sorry. I should have listened. I just couldn't face the thought of the rest of my life not hearing him again, I had to try."

Come on. It awfully sounds like an apology for sending the fears over. "I had to try" as in "I had to try to end up Somewhere Else with him". "I should have listened", he should have known Jon was going to doom their first plan.

And also the rest of the statement, which talks about someone going to look for their lover and finding him irrevocably changed, unrecognisable, more monster than human.

I don't know, I think we can draw parallels here from season 5, how Jon was becoming more monster than human before Martin's eyes.

And then, Jon's statement, literally about curiosity killing the cat, about someone being SO drawn to the Magnus Institute that it leads to their doom.

His first lines (excluding the whole "forums.lostcityurbex.com" etc etc) are: "Anyone knows what the deal is with the Magnus Institute?"

It's quite shocking to hear the sentence in his voice, someone who has become so tied to the Magnus Institute, but for him the story probably started like that too. With curiosity and feeling drawn to the institute.

It's so interesting to me that this first statement we hear from "Chester" is a warning. The "Canary" has been in the Magnus Archives, something terrible has happened to him. You should get away from the Magnus Archives. Please don't get close to the Magnus Archives.

Also, someone has said this before, but the main character of this statement is named Red Canary. Canaries were commonly used in mines to notify the miners if there was a carbon dioxide leak. If the Canary died and stopped singing, they knew they had to leave immediately.

It almost seems to me like they're both trying to comunicate somehow, in the only way that they can. Norris tries to tell their story, Chester tries to warn the OIAR workers.

Idk. Food for thought.

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

...You know I would apologize for this but tbh I'm not even sorry-

This is like the most self indulgent bullshit Ive drawn in a WHILE but for those who don't know, back in like 2016 there was this Deadpool team-up thing called Mercs for Money. I don't normally consume. Anything comics related, really, but I was already invested in one of the characters on the team and, since everybody on the team was insanely obscure aside from Deadpool, I read all the comics the Mercs for Money appeared in and became emotionally attatched to literally all of them. Then yesterday I was kinda bored and realized there are a surprising amount of parallels between the MfM and Co- and C- and C&F that I literally HAD to redraw that one MfM cover as them akrkfkekfkekfkek- Kinda sad I couldn't include everyone, but I think I picked the right characters for each spot.

I don't like how the background looks.

List of similarities under the cut for anyone interested cuz this post is getting kinda long-

The leader is completely deranged(Deadpool, Cartman)

Team has broken up at least once

There's a massive physical fight with the leader at some point

Constant infighting

One of the members is mostly just included for the dick jokes(Slapstick, Stan)

Swearing

Lets be real if C&F were actual adults they would for SURE get sued over their name and you know why

^ context for that one, the MfM were originally called the Heroes for Hire, but got sued bcuz the name was already taken

That being said, two names

Incredibly short runs

Lots of franchising(in universe)

Stingray and Kyle have similar vibes idk

One of the members goes on a rampage to get revenge for one reason or another(Madcap, Cartman)

... Ig Kenny was stuck in Cartman's head that one time, and Madcap being stuck in DP's head was a major plot point in MfM-

Okay that's all I can think of rn-

[amporella]

Hey! I don’t remember seeing anything problematic in the kyman zines. I didn’t read the fics tho, was it in there or is it possible I missed something?

There's a chance that you downloaded the zine after the piece was removed, and didn't see it because of that! Here's a recap of the Kyman Zine situation, though (warning that it's kind of long):

The Kyman Zine was a zine primarily produced on Twitter by @/shokikita, @/shouriii (who you may know better as @/mirrorshards on Tumblr) and @/DrAbesacraben. The Kyman Zine was entrenched in a lot of drama since the beginning, mainly because a user suspected to be from the Kyman Zine (and confirmed to be from the Ships Ahoy discord server, which remains unaddressed by the mods) was harassing anyone who shipped style (as well as slandering the style zine organizers), but that somehow was not the biggest issue the Kyman Zine caused for themselves.

The biggest issue was that the Kyman Zine had actual, literal NAZI PROPAGANDA in it. Once again, I'm attaching the images on Imgur because needless to say, they can be triggering. Here's the link to an Imgur album with the image posted in the Kyman Zine, as well as a few examples of Nazi propaganda that DIRECTLY parallel what was put in the zine. I literally would not be surprised if the artist used actual nazi propaganda as a reference for their piece.

The tweet by the artist initially posting the image (along with two others they had drawn for the zine) has been deleted, but here's a screengrab I have about what the tweet originally titled the piece as; "Manipulation". Not a good look.

The fact that the artist drew something like this isn't inherently surprising to me; a subsection of the kyman fandom has always had its issues with antisemitism. But the fact that it managed to pass THREE ORGANIZERS looking at it and accepting it into the zine is legitimately baffling to me. There is no reasonable excuse for it to pass three sets of eyes, and for all three to say 'all clear!'

And even beyond that, one of the organizers ADMITTED that she didn't even know the Jewish puppetmaster antisemitic trope was a thing. How can you possibly take on the job of doing a zine for a ship where antisemitism is a CORE part of the dynamic, and fail so badly at educating yourself beforehand? How can you expect to be able to effectively monitor those submitted works when you don't even know what you're supposed to be looking for? (I'm censoring the username of a person who called them out on it here for privacy; that's why their url is whited out)

The zine team did end up apologizing for allowing the piece into the zine, and they removed the piece from the zine before reuploading it to itch.io. But seriously, how did this even happen in the first place. HOW DO YOU HAVE A RULE FORBIDDING WW2 IMAGERY (and HOW WOULD YOU NOT THINK TWICE ABOUT NEEDING THAT RULE) AND THEN FAIL TO UPHOLD IT? HOW IS THAT SO HARD?

The organizers also 'thanked' the people who reached out about this problem, which would probably sound more sincere if one of the organizers (yup, the one I already mentioned up above) didn't ARGUE with a person who pointed it out because they weren't respecting the opinion that it wasn't nazi propaganda. (Once again, the user is whited out, and the user whose posts you can't see is one of the zine organizers who blocked me </3)

Needless to say, it isn't an opinion that the above image had similarities to nazi propaganda; it's a fact. The organizers couldn't even accept that they had fucked up without acting like the victims.

And now these THREE SAME PEOPLE are the ones who are running the Kyle zine - a zine specifically about a Jewish character. These three same people who are so oblivious to antisemitic history that they couldn't even recognize the Jewish puppetmaster trope for what it is, and those three same people who exposed that wildly antisemitic fanart to literally thousands of people who downloaded it.

Furthermore, the Kyle zine is titled 'Jewish, Jersey, and Ginger'; literally a quote by Cartman. Generally, I would disapprove of having a zine that was supposed to be non-shippy be run by three notorious shippers (especially who had just run a zine about shipping), but I disapprove of it even MORE heavily when those same organizers have a history of being so negligent that Nazi propaganda ends up in their zine.

I can only assume the Kyle Zine is going to be an absolute disaster. The organizers do not seem capable of monitoring the content that ends up in the zine effectively, and honestly I think it would be a miracle if the zine somehow was produced without anything glaringly antisemitic in it. If the Kyman Zine people truly felt remorseful about their mistakes, they would have dropped the Kyle Zine and took some time to educate themselves on what they had done wrong; instead, they went full steam ahead and decided to blame everyone else.

It was really terrible. The Kyle Zine is free as far as I'm aware, but I still can't recommend downloading it based solely on principle. Don't give the organizers your views. What they did is seriously fucked and if a Kyle Zine was to be produced (or even another Kyman Zine), it would need MUCH more careful monitoring than those organizers could provide.

[beevean]

Let's run the gauntlet! Rate each IDW storyline and Netflixvania season against each other! Like who gets first place in shittiness, who gets second third etc

Not really fair since IDW has more arcs, but I'll try :P

The "best" parts of the two works are S1 and... uh... well this is hard, but I'll go with the very beginning of IDW too. There are already some problems (excessive swearing, lack of Grant/Mr. Tinker and everything related to it), but overall, they're solid, short arcs with not many of the problems that would plague later arcs. I like the fight between Trevor and Alucard, and I like Metal Sonic raining fire and brimstone in his quest to revive his master. Nothing much to say.

I would compare the Surge arc with S2, because, well, #girlboss. Those arcs are all about this new shiny villain strutting their stuff around, declaring themselves the hottest shit ever, shittalking the main villain, and being very, very, very annoying (at least Surge isn't a fake radfem, and tbf, the story never wants us to love her because she's a girl). The heroes take a stepback in favor of the OCs, and a few interesting scenes (the fight against Dracula, the potential of Surge's brainwashing and Kit's cutting speech against the "heroes") don't salvage what's ultimately a very boring, drawn out arc. I can also draw a parallel between Sonic being an utter smug asshole, and Alucard being so mean to poor Trevor.

Not sure what I'd compare to S4 because IDW isn't over yet. Mmmh, I hate S4 because of shipteases that lead to infuriating scenes, so... the current arc? The Whispangle apology drama vs. the "cute" Lenector scenes, both examples of jarring morality? Carmilla and Lanoline being both ineffectual unlikeable #girlbosses? An unlikely villain (whatever passes off as Death/a growing city) that diminishes the importance of the original villain? Yeah, let's go with this.

First place in utter shittiness goes, of course, to the MV arc of IDW and S3 of NFCV! Three words to describe them both: pointless misery porn.

Characters suffer in graphic detail for the sake of suffering, the morals (if we want to call them that) are cynical - the world is unfair, you can't trust anyone, if you're kind you will pay for it - some scenes are simply unfit for the series - many The Walking Dead vibes in what's supposed to be a Sonic adaptation, the two random sex scenes in episode 9 - and characters are at their most stupid and most OOC, and dare I say unlikeable - this is where Sonic officially turns into a preaching asshole who thinks begging Eggman to turn good and throwing Espio's trauma in his face are good things (plus, you know, the whole Metal mess), and whatever salvageable things about Hector as an anti-villain get thrown down the drain as he falls for the same "pretty vampire manipulates him" strategy again. The ending has some bullshit choices too: Super Silver manages to somehow rip the metal virus away from the molecules of the infected people, Isaac conveniently is redirected to a giant mirror that would bring him and his army straight to Syria.

And at the end, all that pain? No longer matters! Cream is happy-go-lucky after watching her mother "die" and being infected herself. Alucard gets over his trauma after one episode. Hector is willing to exchange stupid dick jokes with the woman who turned him into a pet.

But fans appreciate their "depth", although in different ways: for the MV arc, it's the whole dark and edgy vibe and the "moral conflict" of "should Sonic have killed Mr. Tinker?" (no the whole problem is that Sonic let Metal go and no one cares); for S3, it's everything about Isaac and his "character development" that is supposedly peak writing (yeah I sure like the poor little thing who stole Hector's arc and also killed a bunch of innocents without that ever being addressed again).

[eneiryu]

Hi! as an avid and long-time reader of your fics, i have noticed that there's a pattern in the way you make Thiam kiss for the first time. From what I've read, they usually don't discuss their feelings at all, until one of them kisses the other out of the blue, very spontaneously, brutally and confidently that the other reciprocates

I've always wondered what is it you like about writing them like that and how it ties into your characterization of them, that they always kiss each other that way? (hope i'm being clear, english is not my first language)

A very intriguing question!

For me, it definitely ties in to how I see them. As anyone who has read at least one of my fics can tell you, I write my Theo self-sabotaging and sure of everything but Liam, and how Liam feels about him. But at the same time, so helplessly tangled up in Liam and everything Liam represents for him, that it’s this constant push-pull type dynamic, where Theo is always at once drawn to him, while at the same time I think scared all to hell at the depths of his feelings for Liam, the kind of power that that might give someone (including Liam) over him. And that’s not even mentioning the guilt, since I write Theo as so guilt-ridden and sure that he’s unforgivable, that having something as deep and meaningful as the kind of relationship he could have with Liam is just—something he doesn’t think he’s allowed to have.

And for Liam, I think it’s a parallel, but different, dynamic. Liam isn’t guilty, he isn’t scared of his own feelings (inasmuch as they’re not his anger, and the way that makes him lose control), but I think he is scared of doing something “wrong,” and hurting someone with his supernatural strength. I also think Liam is aware of how young he is, and potentially how naive, and that there’s a lot about the world—especially the darker parts of it—that he doesn’t or struggles to understand. And so when it comes to Theo, I think he knows (as is obvious) that Theo has a lot of baggage, Theo is not naive, and that while he’s drawn to Theo, there’s a lot about him that he doesn’t understand. And I think he’s scared of somehow being the next thing that does Theo damage, even unintentionally?

And so for me, when they get to those first kisses in a lot of my stories, I think in about 50% they’ve gone through so much together through the course of whatever plot I just wrote, that the kiss is almost…punctuation? There’s no need to talk about it, because they’ve just spend 50-100k words showing each other how much they care. Talking about it would be superfluous—they already know, and in a way much deeper than talking could prove. After all, if nothing else, Theo is an extremely talented liar—I doubt he’d trust much of what could be said in advance, but being shown? That’ll work with him.

And then in the other 50%, I think it’s actually that one of the other is absolutely unsure of the kind of reaction they’re going to get, but they’re just kind of so—bursting at the seams with feelings or energy or whatever, that they can’t hold it in anymore. And at least with a kiss, they’ll know. There’s no more hemming or hawing, no more “does the other person like me or not”—if the kiss goes well, great! And if it doesn’t, at least they’d know. And sometimes the relief that offers is worth more than the risk.

Anyway! An extremely long-winded answer, apologies. Hope that made any kind of sense whatsoever? 😬

[sylverstorms]

Cassandra x Maiden----Anonymity Ch.5 (NSFW!)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

'Cassandra's favorite', the other maids call you.

You can't tell if they mean it as a good or a bad thing. Hell, you can't even tell which of the two it really is.

Being her 'favorite' does not make you immune to harm in any way; bruises litter your shoulders and sides from when she grabs you too forcefully and cuts from her nails sting at your neck and stomach, renewed each time she comes to take a kiss.

None of that existed back when you were something of zero interest to her. On the other hand, she's told you several times you're 'a thing of beauty' --her thing of beauty-- and she won't let anything ruin a natural piece of art.

If you know anything about Cassandra, it is that she takes art very seriously. Your interpretation of the word greatly varies from hers, you're sure, but it doesn't change the fact she won't easily raise a sickle on you.

Cassandra won't break you. She won't let Daniela do so, either. Bela doesn't even care to hurt you. It means you're safe for now...

Unless Lady Dimitrescu decides you're best taken away from her daughter. Permanently. You don't dare meet her eyes, but you can feel them on you, scrutinizing, every night at dinner.

You're pretty sure she knows.

The thought sits heavy in your mind while you're cleaning bloodied steps off a corridor at three in the small hours of the morning, along with another maid. Adella is a quiet and hardworking one; the two of you make a good team and you know you'll be done in record time.

But it only takes a single moment for everything to go wrong.

Adella is hastily walking back to you with a bucket of fresh water in hand when you hear a different set of steps approach from the side. You make to warn her, but it's already too late.

The collision happens at the turn where the two passageways meet. As soon as you see black robes dripping wet you pray to whichever God will listen for mercy.

Because Cassandra has not been in a good mood all night and she is not the understanding type regardless.

Adella gasps and shakingly backs away, a waterfall of apologies spilling from her lips. Cassandra rolls her neck and draws her sickle, advancing on her slowly. She looks terrifying.

"Don't move now." she orders.

And you just- can't watch this. You don't know why, but the realization you cannot hits you like a speeding truck. You can't stand there while the the woman you frequently kiss cuts away at a girl you know is as good and compassionate as a human under your circumstances can possibly get.

You react.

Before you can even think how impossibly stupid you're being, you drop the mop in your hands and dash forward, crashing into Cassandra's form. Your right arm wraps around her waist and your left grips at her wrist like a vice. Your heart is pounding. You don't even know what you're saying;

"Cassandra, no! Please. Don't." Cold and rigid as she is, it may as well be a statue you're holding. "Cassandra, stop. Please." Once impulse dies down, you realize you've just signed your death wish for two seconds of playing hero.

And you thought you were smarter than that. Ha. But maybe, just maybe, part of you wants to die, so long as it's quick and painless.

With Cassandra, though, you doubt it. Especially with how lethal she sounds when she says:

"You. Disappear." You hear, rather than see, Adella scurrying off for her life. "As for you..."

You only register a blur, nausea, cold nails piercing at your neck, over already existing marks. You are shoved into the nearest wall so powerfully you can't breathe for all of ten seconds. It's a wonder you don't hear any cracks from within your body.

Cassandra is on you, her fingers harsh on your chin and breath chilly on your lips. "Good pets don't bark against their own masters. What made you so bold, hm?"

You don't answer, too busy summoning your mental strength for what comes next. The way her eyes and the lines of her pretty face have hardened, she looks nothing like the flirty girl who comes to steal kisses from you at random times during the night.

"Maybe I've been too nice to you. The first time you call my name and it's for some other maid?"

She looks like she wants to let out a bitter laugh, break something and slice you into stripes simultaneously. And then you realize; Cassandra is jealous.

It doesn't get any worse than that.

"Maybe I should make sure you never say anything again." The corner of her lips curls up in dark amusement as she talks. "You don't talk much, anyway."

Well. She did say she wouldn't let anyone ruin your looks. Never promised anything about what's on the inside.

You're shaking, even if her grasp doesn't leave much room to do so. Your brain is restlessly trying to come up with something to get you out of this mess-

"I'm of way more use to you with my tongue intact." you somehow manage to speak without stuttering. It makes you wonder where the hell this confidence came from.

Cassandra stills for a moment. Her grip eases the slightest amount, probably from surprise.

You wonder what the hell you're even doing, yourself, when you bring your hands to her sides and lean in, to the curve of her nice jawline. You've never kissed her neck before, but you remember from the times you've given her a massage that she's very sensitive around it.

Cautiously, you press your mouth to the soft spot under her ear.

She smells so good and her skin feels so smooth you're not exactly forcing yourself to kiss her. If you're going to be mutilated anyway, the part of you that must be severely messed up muses, you may as well take some pleasure for yourself beforehand. Who knows, it may change her mind along the way.

So you lick her there and suck over her faint pulse. You don't get any stimuli from her, at first.

Until her hand trails from your shoulder to your nape, urging you harder against her. It's the green light to keep going.

You put all your skill into it as you lavish her neck and collarbones with open-mouthed kisses. She's loose and moaning low in her throat now.

You can't tell why, but the sound echoes right though your adrenaline-induced system, tickles down your spinal cord to pool low in your stomach. You either had a kink for danger you never knew of, or you developed one in the castle.

Whatever the case, your fingers are working on the buttons of her outfit and she doesn't seem like stopping you has even crossed her mind.

When the robes barely hang onto her shoulders, Cassandra maneuvers you to the closest room, shuts the door and presses you against it. Hard. Your lips slide together hungrily. You taste wine on her tongue.

At this point, your hands are the only thing supporting her outfit on her. She looks too fucking sexy for words like this, half-undressed, lipstick smeared, so turned on and ready for you. But you also want to see more of her, so you let the black fabric drop.

She's getting impatient, though. Being more vocal, tugging your hand to the apex of her legs.

"Cassandra." you moan when you push the midnight lace of her panties aside and touch her. She's so wet.

Her mouth falls open in a soundless gasp, brows drawn softly. "Oh, you're lucky I like my name on your lips." she says, breathless.

You did start this trying to prove to her how useful your tongue can be attached to your body, however... so it's only fair that's how you finish it.

Finish her.

Cassandra looks dazed and confused when you kneel in front of her, but it's quickly replaced with a broken moan when you take her into your mouth. You revel in every single gasp you coax out of her, every minuscule shake of her perfect thighs.

She bites into her own hand when she reaches her peak, nails leaving four parallel marks on the wall.

You're gentlewomanly enough to pull her outfit up for her while she's coming down from her high. Your gaze takes its sweet time admiring the contours of her chest as you button it closed. She really is the most attractive girl you've ever seen, if you somehow don't take into consideration her body count.

"Good?" you ask when she opens her pretty eyes to look at you.

"It's not cute to be smug, plaything." Cassandra makes a soft grimace at you, though you can see the lazy, satisfied smile tugging at the corner of her lip. "But. I suppose your tongue has its uses to me, after all."

You gently push off the door to let her exit at her leisure. The movement makes you realize you won't really be able to move tomorrow, with how sore you already are.

To your surprise, Cassandra takes a moment longer in the room.

She turns back to you and raises her hands to your torso, then carefully adjusts your wrinkled shirt. Her long fingers smooth over the imperfections she caused...

And you don't know why after everything the two of you just did, it's this that feels the most intimate.

The same digits brush over your throat as she pulls away.

By the time your mind starts working right again, Cassandra is already gone. Absently, you trace over the weeping scratches on your neck.

-

-

Later, at the main hall of the castle...

"Oh, boo, look who's late again." Daniela rolls her eyes at Cassandra's fashionably delayed arrival.

"Surprise, surprise." Bela smirks, casually leaned against the side of the fireplace.

"Are you two done being insufferable or should I come by later?" Cassandra asks.

"And scar our ears and minds with another round of your 'oh's and 'ah's, sister? I think not." Daniela comments.

Bela raises an eyebrow in amusement. "Had a nice time?"

"You two have very active imaginations, you know? Tells a lot about you." Cassandra chuckles. "She was just giving me a massage. But do go on. Be thirsty. I can wait."

Daniela and Bela share a look, thrown off their game by the nonchalance.

Cassandra hides a smirk under her hood and steps out first, into the peerless dark.

[wolfsneedles]

im sorry but otis and maeve exacerbate the goodness and badness both in each other and this makes them special and more connected with their glimpses, gestures and inability to stay away for longer. unless ur telling me there are other superior ships too but the ending of s3 ep7 was so so special. Otis and Maeve's ending lines in the rain scene is pretty PRETTY indicative of who at least should be with whom, when its always been them in each others mind. Now idk what would writers do or make of it in s4 and cliffhanger like ending, but all love interests added were poorly added and gave us false hope for both characs to be with someone else like isaac/ruby thing, however the entire thing as eric says too, "happened bcs of otis and maeve coming together with special diff traits and bonds to form the best clinic that offers pretty feasible and amateur like opinions which in turn polished otis' skills of helping people more and also for maeve who was already pretty smart and bright ahead of her times, in her speech and tastes" and this was entire reason and beginning of the best season which led to clinical education, awareness for teenagers while otis and maeve also navigate through each others lives and troubles and love and ways of communicating since both have a different way of communicating and both adhere to each other and also give each other space more, (or maybe bcs i do prefer that ship more than others, im just so hyped at every scene and moment). However the best moment for me wasn't the bus scene kiss moment in france but when otis and maeve were both kicked out of sexed class for open and different opinions against or anti to whatever prude and harsh concepts Hope was instilling in people, a lot of ppl and characters owned up to their sexuality and rebelled but Otis and Maeve rejecting the idea and challenging and arguing but then also being kicked out of class is very special moment and a parallel between them that so many perhaps don't notice, It also tells how differently in choices, they are so connected in thoughts, Maeve never shrugged off otis and he doesn't bother her only and until they both knew they couldn't really stay away and he made an effort even after f_cking up to stay in his life, and apologized and competed rather foolishly with isaac but all this bottled down again to ruby and isaac just used for story development and then removed from scenes but in a way i think, it is best for them since otis and maeve are both confused about each other & overall relationships, i think they both would take things v slowly and they are that kind of patient couple if they are a couple.....which i cant see hope of. It all actually just started from them too, which led to graffitis and sexual topics to be embraced and accepted more, bcs idk if someone also noticed how otis has so much of jean in him, and even if he is embarrassed by his mother sometimes, the genes just reflect in him. He is good at articulating and smooth and i think maeve picks it up quickly, they don't even guess when they are together, and they both have innate desire to help ppl esp maeve under that hard rock shell of an exterior, she is the most selfless and forgiving person, maybe too much, and lets go of a lot of stuff, always looks forward to future and is quite pragmatic even but in sense of otis, they both are always inexplicably drawn and held together to each other by some bitter false or sweet ripe memory of their previous days and its so funny or adorable to see them actually cling foolishly to their past encounter messages, moments, talks, and dreams/jokes of having a clinic. We see eric as bestfriend of Otis rooting for them too, and so does Aimee (which is weak evidence or parallel since writers are putting hints like this always but it is always jeopardized somehow in the end too so im not hoping or keeping too high hopes on anything).

The rain moment in s3ep7 is the most heart-warming because maeve now doesn't push otis back and neither does she falls back on isaac somehow, and she welcomes his opinion again, only this time they actually confess in pretty open words & expressions which is more meaningful and rigorous and sparkling than the RainmomentInFrance which i think was, meaningless or maybe just a way to bring them close together.

You cannot tell me this is excellent dialogue exchange and yet so simple with breath your name by Sixpence playing in the BG,

Otis: "It was never about the clinic, it was to be close to you – and even if we aren't romantically together, id like to see you everyday, Nothing feels right when you aren't here"

This is more about companionship and soulmate-ism too than just a sexual relationship or deep crush situation. Even if they aren't together romantically, and still wanting to be close to her is big big thing & detail for at least something good and warm for them in future, because he hasn't confessed this to anyone or ruby even which was initially a casual relationship even. This explains pretty well that even if they aren't together or intended to be together, - the staying close + together or near each other is enough to make day.

Maeve: "It wasn't about the money for me, it was also to be close to you too

Maeve doesn't say much but a) smiles when he says we can be team and due to nearness to her he wanted to work on further and b).she exclaims and rebuts his claim that she was in it for money only when she has never been lucky in family/financial dept and wanted to be close to her too, but also how this was method for her to earn money too so like double benefit because maeve does need money and we cannot reduce her to romantic person only but the hardworking intelligent and practical persona she carries and embodies! and wants to rise academically and also does it selflessly, doesn't obstruct or infringe on someone's rights like most people do. But she also does admit at the same time it wasnt just for the money. With the background music score this moment might be the best cliché end or romantic confession even if in future it doesn't mean much because words...are winds and fade away, but i cannot deny the canon visible goodness these both characters bring out in one another, its like they do compliment and fit each other which i always find quite evident from s1 until s2 made their friendship too sour but its about what they bring in each other and only think abt themselves in each others presence. When they are with someone else they think about other things clouding their mind yet sometimes when they talk to each other, its like they both do comfort each other or it wouldn't have pained the writers to show how visibly hateful they are if they were. Perhaps the abortion moment in s1 was also very warm and changed my mind so much abt them, its like how otis is always there in worse situations for maeve along with aimee too ofc, and sometimes its childish to see him try so hard and desperate to be there but she eventually lets him in.

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 21st of May 2021

This is speculation only

Cards drawn 21st of May 2021

Question: How does Harry feel about the report on the Martin Bashir investigation?

Interpretation: He believes he is right in everything he has said about the media with respect to his mother, himself, and his wife.

Card One: The Six of Cups. This is a card of nostalgia, of looking back on the past (especially childhood) and remembering it with fondness. Harry is looking back on his past with Princess Diana, and his child-self memories of her, and he has decided that the report confirms that his mother is exactly as his child-self remembers her. Nostalgia causes us to wear rose coloured glasses, and when he thinks of his mother Harry's glasses are firmly in place. He sees her as a young child views their mother - all-important, all loving, beautiful, and so on - and he has no desire to take off those glasses and view her as an adult. To his mind, the report simply confirms that his vision of his mother is the 'correct' one and anyone who sees her in any other way (e.g. as a flawed human being) is wrong.

Card Two: The Hanged Man. This is a card of waiting, of not being able to take action. I do feel that Harry has been frustrated in his agenda of blaming the media for everything, and he is going to grab onto the report and use it as a weapon against the media as finally he has something he can use to take action against them, but that is not the main energy I get from this card.

The Hanged Man is the card of Neptune, the ruling planet of Pisces and the natural ruler of the 12th house in astrology, and some of the many things that Neptune represents are illusions, delusions, fantasies, seeing things through rose-coloured glasses, being swept along on a tide of emotions and taking action based on those emotions (with no rational thought at all involved in the process), playing the martyr, saviour complex, victim complex, enabling others, co-dependent relationships, drugs, alcohol - this is all sounding very familiar, isn't it?

Coming after the Six of Cups this card confirms that rose-coloured vision of Diana that Harry had as a child is the one he still carried and it is here to stay. Harry does not want to subject his thoughts and feelings to rational analysis. He would rather drift along on a tide of emotion, positioning himself as both the eternal victim and the saviour of his mother and his wife and child, being co-dependent on his wife and having her enable all his delusions about his mother. Every one else has to enable them as well, otherwise they are the cruel hard world persecuting his poor little martyr self and he is so brave for enduring the persecution and then escaping from them.

The report will be seen and used from this perspective. Harry does not want to deal with facts, instead he is after ideas and illusions that will feed his fantasies about his mother, his childhood, and his current and past actions.

Card Three: The Four of Cups. More Cups, the suit of emotions. There is no rational thought (Swords) or practicality/reality (Pentacles) in this spread, it is all emotions (Cups) and creative imagination/PR (Wands).

The Four of Cups is the card of emotional dissatisfaction, and in this deck it is also a card of gossip. Here it comes across as dissatisfaction. Someone is not happy because people aren't talking about them. They want to be talked about, they want to be compared to Princess Diana, and they want to use the report to stir up dissatisfaction and gossip. I don't feel this is Harry but rather the person shown by the next card, the King of Wands (Meghan)..

Harry's dissatisfaction is not with the report, but rather that people will use the report to move away from his idealised version of Princess Diana. I have already seen reports of people saying that William's response to the report is 'gaslighting' (which is complete nonsense), but that is the sort of energy this card is giving me - attacking responses to the report that threaten an idealised and cherished image of Princess Diana. It will all be done via gossip, and it will be done by people who, like Harry, have a vested interest in the 'Saint' Diana image. Harry may fuel this gossip with his remarks in any future interviews or appearances.

Card Four: The King of Wands. This is the card of a fire-sign person, particularly a Leo, and here it represents Meghan. Looking at the cards either side of her shows what she is doing. She is encouraging people to express dissatisfaction with and stir up gossip about the report (the Four of Cups), and she is doing this to create conflict (the Five of Wands). Wands can be the suit of PR, and Meghan is quick to see the PR possibilities of the report and to use them to her advantage. As the report is about Princess Diana and this card is about Meghan and PR, the suggestion is that Meghan will use this report to support any parallels drawn between herself and Princess Diana (we were both hounded by the media! The media wants to kill us both! etc and so on).

Card Five: The Five of Wands. This is a card of conflict and PR. Here it says that Harry and Meghan will use the report to stir up conflict using PR, and this conflict will be against their PR enemies, the UK media and the BRF. Any attempt to use the report to create a more truthful version of events will be shot down in favour of the idealised 'Saint' Diana image that both of them are promoting (for different reasons). Meghan will also use the report to draw parallels between how Diana was treated and how she was treated by the UK press (the truth will be optional in these comparisons, as always).

Underlying Energy One: The Hierophant. This is the card of institutions, and here it represents the BRF. Harry is thinking of the report in terms of the BRF, not in a 'oh my goodness look how the lies hurt everyone' kind of way as his brother is, but in a 'Ha! I was right! You didn't protect my mother and got her killed' kind of way, as shown in the cards above. He will use this report as part of his attack upon the BRF in the name of his mother, 'Saint' Diana.

The Hierophant is also the card of Taurus, and Charles Spencer, one of the main forces behind the report, is a sun sign Taurus.

Underlying Energy Two: The Chariot. The Chariot is the card of Cancer, the sun sign of Prince William and Camilla. Coming after the Hierophant card, which represents the BRF, this says that these two members of the family are the ones on Harry's mind with respect to the report. They may be singled out in any response that tries to preserve the idealised image of Princess Diana, the image that Prince Harry has taken as the truth.

Conclusion: Prince Harry is using the report as confirmation that his childish and idealised image of Princess Diana is the right one. He wants to keep the narrative around Princess Diana exactly as it is now, without any changes. Meghan will support him in this and she will use the report to her advantage in the PR conflict between the Sussexes and the UK media, and the Sussexes and the BRF. Prince William and/or Camilla may be singled out as targets in this attempt to keep the image of 'Saint' Diana alive.

Energy Reading: Harry is gleeful about the result of the investigation. It has (to him) confirmed and supported all his behaviour. He was right about the evil UK media killing his mother, so he is right that they want to kill his wife and child as well, he is right that they are all racist and attacking him for no reason, he was right to leave the UK and live in America because of the evil UK media and what they wrote about him, etc and so on. The apology he was sent has boosted his ego and his arrogance. He is thinking/feeling 'This is what all the media should do - apologise to me!'. The main emotion I am getting from him is pure glee and vindication.

[cherryonigiri]

when and where (oikawa tooru) - part one

Summary: Tooru can’t seem to understand you loneliness, and you can’t understand his desire to sacrifice anything to be by your side again. In which the words ‘opposites attract’ are both your beginning and end. (Inspired by the song/lyrics of Undone by Haley Reinhart)

word count: 1.8k 

“Stars fade away, they just crash into space, disappear from my life, like you and I.” 

“Tooru,” you whisper. The numbers ‘5:00′ glare back at you in red, reminding you of the sleep that continues to evade you, despite feeling utterly exhausted. Your phone is glowing against the pitch black, the blue light acting as a substitute for the moon, which hides behind wispy clouds. “I miss you.” There is an ache that starts in the back of your throat, winding its way down to your chest where it stays, pushing, prodding, pounding against your sternum. Thankfully your voice doesn’t crack, but the tears are still there, trailing down your cheeks. You’ve steeled your resolve, but your heart is still drowning in the loss that is yet to come.

“I know darling,” he laughs. “I miss you too.” Another light-hearted chuckle. You can hear him shuffling through his bag. Seconds later, after the tap of shoes on tile, keys jingle and you hear the thump of the door shutting. It’s almost evening in Brazil (you know because you’ve long since memorized how many hours are between Sendai and Rio). The sun is probably setting on the beach Tooru just returned from, in complete opposition to the flickering stars keeping watch over your sleepless figure. 

That’s how it is between the two of you. Day and night. Tooru was more than happy to revel in his overwhelming brightness - embracing his role as the best setter in the prefecture and his popularity amongst his fans. He always had that smirk, the one that was always plastered on his face that screamed confidence in who he was. 

On the other hand, you clung to your shyness - you’d never liked large crowds to begin with, and you were happy with the small, close-knit, group of friends you’d made. You weren’t closed off, but new things were met with caution. Tentative touches and long gazes to determine whether an unfamiliar addition would disturb the peaceful familiarity you’d woven. 

The words ‘opposites attract’ made you snort, but you couldn’t deny that you’d been drawn to Tooru’s effervescent energy. (A year after you’d started dating Tooru had admitted he’d found a quiet refuge in his relationship with you.) In the beginning, Tooru had coaxed you out of your shell. Never forcefully, and always done with an observant eye. He ignored his team’s teasing, only inviting you to watch them practice after introducing you to each member individually outside of the university gymnasium. He’d rush you home in a heartbeat the minute you looked overwhelmed or uncomfortable. Like two planets, gravity had drawn you together, pushing you closer and closer with every orbit.

Now it’s different. Gravity is chasing after you, bringing your heart catastrophically close to disaster before flinging it into the distance. Your whispered ‘I miss you’ wasn’t an attempt to impart a fleeting bit of affection, or to reassure Tooru that your heart still beat for him every second of the day (which it did). No, it was meant to hide an unspoken plea that was begging him to return, to once again indulge in hour long phone calls late into the evening; to be present. Of course, you weren’t expecting him to pick up on that. After all, you’d dedicated your time alone to perfecting the art of not letting anyone know of your unravelling.

It started slowly—long video chats in the evening became less frequent, replaced by a dwindling number of rushed phone calls on the train to work. Short texts, snuck between sets and during water breaks, became the norm, erasing your habit of sending each other paragraphs about your days. You knew he felt guilty for missing the small snippets of time that he could spend with you. At the core of his being, Tooru is a caring person: he would run himself ragged and work himself to the bone for someone he loved. It was a double-edged sword; working harder and dedicating more time to accelerate his progress so he could return to you faster meant he was inevitably drifting away. 

“Tooru, I can’t do this anymore.” You wince as you throw your plan out of the window, foregoing any kind of verbal cue that would let him know that this was serious. That you were talking about more than having a mundanely horrible day at work.

“Love, what happened today? Was today a bad day? I thought work was going better…” Your boyfriend trails off as you remain silent. 

“This. Us. I think,” you gulp down the sob that threatens to erupt from your throat. “I think we should break up.” You have to force out those two words, break up, because saying them out loud makes it real. Makes this whole conversation real. Grounds it reality, in the realization that this is really happening, that your heartbreak is rushing towards you much faster than you ever wanted. 

You expect him to protest. To at least exclaim loudly and object to the separation. Maybe a part of you wants him to plead, to experience the same hollow loneliness of missing him. To tell you that, yes, I am suffering just as much, and feeling just as broken as you are. Maybe you are desperate, hoping that he’ll convince you that the exuberance he expresses over the phone is one of his carefully constructed facades.

“Can I at least know why?” You catch the slight uptick of his voice, the crack that he tries to hide from you. 

And that’s when your heart truly shatters. 

Because, by asking that question, he reveals that somewhere between his last night in your apartment and today, at five in the morning, the two of you stopped inhabiting the same realm of separation. In a way, Tooru had confirmed what you’d started fearing with every passing day: that he was stronger than you’d ever be. That he could bear the weight of being separated by continents and oceans while you were crumbling. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t endure the pile of missed calls followed by rushed texts of apology. You can’t stand that the only time you can talk to him is on crowded subways where the ever present bustle of other commuters intrudes on your conversations. God, now that you think about it, when was the last time you’d talked to Tooru for more than five minutes? 

“We barely talk anymore Tooru,” you begin, hunching over as both the tears and words begin to flow freely. “I—”

“But you know why y/n!” he responds. He’s pacing, the thumps of his feet echoing through the receiver. He lets out a sigh and you know he’s running his hand through his hair. It’s one of his habits that you have memorized. It’s painful how easy it is for you to imagine Tooru; all his little gestures and mannerisms etched deeply and intimately into your memory. 

“Yes, I know why,” you hiss. “But the fact that you never told me outright? That hurt Tooru.” It still does. It’s his strange blend of selflessness and ambition that has led you here. You thought you’d be sad, that this conversation would leave you with a heavy heart. Instead, a small spark of anger lodges itself in your chest. 

“How was I supposed to?” He retorts. “It’s not like I can ask you to give up your time with me. I’m trying my best to get back to you sooner!” But how can he say that when he’s already left you behind? Instead of extinguishing your anger, he only fans the flames, truly setting you alight. 

“Did you ever think to ask me? Did it ever occur to you that I would rather have waited for longer if that meant you could actually have time for us?” Your rage is dangerous and all-consuming, centering you within the bitterness of the isolation that Tooru had forced upon you.

Silence. And then,

“Y/n…” The way Tooru says your name nearly breaks your resolve. “Please, just wait a little longer. I’ll figure something out, I can train more so I can come back in less than a year. I’m just asking you to be patient.” No, no, no. What he’s offering is worse. You want him to make more space for your relationship, not less. In his quest to hasten his return, he’d turned to a method that consumed the time you occupied in his day. Slowly but surely, the space you’d taken up was sacrificed, leaving you with nothing but those five minutes on the train ride to work.

“That’s not what I want!” You shout. Why is his solution to make things worse? 

“Then what do you want?” He screams back, his thinly veiled irritation blooming into confused anger. “You’re lonely, so I’m trying my fucking best to go back to you as soon as possible. “Why…” he pauses, as if he’ll regret his words, before plowing on, “can’t you just accept that?” 

Suddenly, all the air is knocked out of your lungs with a whoosh. You barely have time to realize you’d stood up in the midst of your argument before you’re sagging against your bed frame, wilting until you’re sitting on the floor. 

You’ve given up, because Tooru’s stubbornness has manifested itself as an irremovable wedge between the two of you. Blinded by his belief that all you desire and yearn for is his physical presence, he can’t even begin to see that all you want is to be given a semblance of space within his life. To have a few hours of his voice, rather than the fleeting promise of reuniting sooner. To accompany him, rather than wait for him at the end of his journey. He is unwilling to bear witness to the different kind of loneliness you suffer; unwilling to peer into the parallel, yet utterly different, dimension of suffering that branches from his own longing for you.

“Tooru…” I’m being selfish, “This isn’t working. Just let us go,” whatever we are now, before it gets worse. You’re not sure if he can hear the shaky inhale of your lungs as you try to steady your voice. 

“I can’t,” he sobs. “Why can’t you see I’m doing this for you?”

Because you can only see me as the finish line, not as someone who runs beside you. Because somehow, you can only worry about the me you see in the future, not the person who is speaking to you now. “I’m sorry,” you say, your voice still wavering despite your best efforts.

‘No, please, y/n—”

One last reassurance. “Thank you for everything.” I love you.

“Y/n wait, please, don’t do this.” His pleas are tearing you apart. “I can take a break, fly back—”

You refuse to be the reason he halts his momentum. “Goodbye, Tooru.” A broken whisper. 

Equal and opposite, two stars crash into each other violently. Flickering in and out, they vie for the chance to exist as they clash against each other, emitting white sparks.

A press of a red button. 

Both of them are gone.

[juniorgman187]

Serpent of Eden (Reid Series - Part 3)

~ Reader’s one-night-stand with Spencer turns into a year long semester ~

Summary: After a month of smooth sailing, Reader and Spencer finally cross paths on campus and spoiler alert - it’s not pretty. Couple: Fem!Reader x Professor Spencer Reid Category: Angst, Fluff, (eventual) Smut, Series Word Count: 1.7 (ik i promised no small chapters but this ones slightly more spicy and its in preparation for better, longer chapters) Content Warning: Age-gap, teacher student relationship A/N: POV switches from Reader to Spencer indicated by “_ _ _”

PART 2 HERE!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

It was easy to maintain a romantic relationship and to believe that everything was alright when we never had to see each other at school.

What’s harder was being in a professional setting and forcing ourselves to confront the reality that what we were doing was wrong. 

Just plain wrong.

We must’ve lucked out in the first few weeks of our relationship because it was smooth sailing for the entire first month. We’d even gotten into a routine - found our groove, if you will. 

Most often, we would meet at a place far from Hollis, where we knew we wouldn’t run into anyone who would recognize us. There we could just be (y/n) and Spencer; and there I would get lost in the good times and the bliss of the moment to the point of forgetting that we weren’t just (y/n) and Spencer - we were student and teacher, too. Other times, I’d come over to his apartment, but given my living situation, he had never come over to mine. 

It was somewhere around our one-month anniversary when our luck ran out. 

Holly had come into the room while I was finishing (or at least attempting to finish) reading a court case. 

“Are you going to the Promotional FBI Seminar?” She slid a large pamphlet on my desk, never minding the fact that she’d just haphazardly thrown the pamphlet in the spot where my book lied, causing me to lose my place on the page. Though I didn’t outwardly display my frustration, my agitation did grow beneath the surface. 

“What’s that?” I asked her, not out of sincere curiosity, but more so because I wasn’t even really listening to what she’d said before, and I’d pushed the pamphlet out of the way before I even read it. 

“A couple guys from the FBI are coming to talk to us about the job, like all the requirements to be hired, how much it pays - stuff like that.” 

Holly’s voice didn’t make for great background noise, especially when she started rambling while I tried to continue reading. 

“Are you going?” I asked. Again, this wasn’t a sincere question, just a way to make it seem like I was listening. 

“Yeah, and I really want you to come with me. I think you’d like it. You’re really into crime stuff, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah, yeah…” I said in a daze, obviously distracted by my other priorities.

“So you’ll come?”

I should note that I faintly recognized the name and premise of the seminar, but I couldn’t quite place where I remembered it from, and I was far too preoccupied to pay any further attention to the topic, so it slipped out of my mind almost as fast as it entered it. 

It was this moment here where Spencer’s eidetic memory would’ve come in handy. 

You see, the reason I weakly recalled the seminar was because just three days ago, Spencer had told me he was going to be a guest speaker for it. But again - I didn’t remember that, and so without any recollection of this information, I told Holly I’d go just so she’d stop bothering me about it. 

Unbeknownst to me, I’d just agreed to attending my own personal hell. 

I woke the next morning to Holly violently shaking me. 

“(Y/n), we gotta go! We’re so fucking late!”

Still half-asleep, I mumbled, “Huh?”

“The seminar started at 9:42 and it’s 10:36 right now.” 

This was enough to jolt me awake and get me out of bed.

There was just something about the pressure of being late that forced me into a mode where I could get ready in an ungodly short amount of time. I could never get ready that fast unless I was late for something, which makes no sense. 

Holly and I ran from our dorm, through the courtyard, and into the classroom, somehow managing not to trip once on the way there. I was actually quite proud of that. 

I couldn’t tell you if it was our breathlessness, our late departure, our struggle to find open seats, or a combination of the three, but we’d commanded the attention of the entire room - and the attention of someone I had yet to notice, too. 

“There’s a free seat over there. I can sit in the one over here.” Holly told me, suggesting that if we wanted to sit anywhere, we’d have to be separated. I followed her finger to the empty seat, shuffling awkwardly and apologizing profusely to the people I disturbed by approaching. I was so caught up in the hysteria and chaos to even bother looking up at the stage, hindering my ability to meet my impending doom any sooner. 

On the way to my seat, I noticed the copious amounts of notes being taken by virtually every student in the room, so rather than taking any time to look up, I was searching my bag down below me for note taking materials. 

But as they say - third time's a charm. 

After I’d settled into my seat, I finally looked up from the floor and it was then that I was transported back to a month ago - an eerie parallel to this exact moment. 

“Holy shit,” I muttered, earning sneers from the people sitting next to me who I’d clearly disrupted with my profanity. 

“Sorry,” I whispered to them, for I was truly sorry. I just couldn’t help myself. When I saw him, my stomach dropped. I had a feeling he’d already seen me, but I was too disorderly before to notice. 

I did, however, notice how he eyed me from the stage, even doing a double take when we locked eyes. 

“Most of us have done extensive work in areas such as …” His voice faded while my mind swirled.

We have got to stop meeting like this, Spencer. 

Our eye contact was too much for me to handle, so I was the first to break away. Through the entire question-period, I kept my head down to avoid any eye contact I could. 

“Well, that’s all that we have for you today. Before you go, please hand in your applications if you filled them out.” The other lecturer advised. 

I was well on my way out of the room even before he dismissed us, but I was drawn back by the sound of the sentence, “Excuse me, Miss? Could you stay back for a moment?”

I briefly walked backwards before turning on my heels and meeting those eyes that I desperately didn’t want to. 

“I noticed you came in late and I thought you might want to know the information you missed -” Spencer paused to look over his shoulder, noticing his colleague was attending to someone else and therefore, too engaged in that conversation to interfere with ours. 

“(Y/n), what are you doing here?” He asked me in a hushed tone, a stark contrast from his sweet tone from before. 

“I’m so sorry, Spencer. I completely forgot that you were a speaker for this seminar. I didn’t even know I was coming until last night when my roommate asked me to come with her. I would’ve warned you if I knew. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you in this position.” 

My apology was sincere seeing as I promised Spencer we would never run into each other. In fact, it was the sole reason we agreed to stay in this relationship - the mutual guarantee that we wouldn’t be put in these situations, but here we were. 

In this fucking situation. 

“No, it’s fine. I was just surprised to see you, that’s all.”

Spencer could tell I was flustered and truly apologetic for my ignorance, and he was almost about to reach out and rub my upper arm comfortingly when his actions were cut short by the looming presence of his fellow guest speaker. 

“Hi there. David Rossi.” He introduced himself by extending his hand into the space between us. “And you are?” 

“(Y/n) (y/l/n).” 

_ _ _

“(Y/n) (y/l/n).” 

It was like watching my worst nightmare come alive. 

If I ever imagined introducing (y/n) to my work family, this certainly wasn’t the plan. I just hoped to God that if Rossi and (y/n) ever met again in the future, he wouldn’t suddenly obtain my eidetic memory and recall her familiar face from this exact moment. 

“Got any questions for us?” Rossi coyly asked her. Once more I prayed to God that his profiling skills hadn’t just improved drastically and that he could sense the tension between the two of us. It almost seemed like he asked that question just to tease her because he knew what was really happening. But then again, that was probably just my paranoia speaking. 

She looked mortified when he asked this, even glancing back at me briefly as if to ask for a reprieve. “Um, no not really. I-I was just telling Dr. Reid that I’ve applied to audit his class before, but was always rejected.”

“That’s a shame. Well, maybe I can look into that. You know, put in a good word for you.” Rossi chuckled, nudging (y/n)’s shoulder to suggest he’d help her. She only shyly laughed and took a step closer to the door. 

“Oh, no you don’t have to do that for me.” 

“Nonsense. I’d be happy to do it.” 

“Thanks, Mr. Rossi.” With a thankful smile, (y/n) pranced out the door, closing the lecture hall door sharply behind her without one look back. 

“Nice girl,” Rossi acknowledged. “But it would be nicer if she could be on time.” 

I laughed, despite not finding (y/n) to be at the butt of the joke to be funny at all. 

“Um, are you actually gonna put in a good word for her?” I followed Rossi with my eyes, searching his face with a desperate hope that my question didn’t reveal too much. 

“Yeah, why not? I figured you would’ve liked to have another student audit your class.” 

“Yeah yeah…” I murmured in false agreement. 

Herein lies the trouble.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

PART 4 COMING SOON!

comment to be added to the taglist!

taglist: 

@andiebeaword​ @rexorangecouny​ @rip2myyouthjpg​ 

[rantingwriter]

Accidentally in Love (Hawks x Civilian Reader) pt. 5

Trigger Warning: long hospital stay and angst if you squint

“Alright, it’s time to try taking a step,” Mayu states as you stand shakily on your prosthetic. 

“Nope, I think I’m good,” you have been struggling to get your legs moving. You can usually twitch the muscle and shuffle about a millimeter forward, but taking a full step has not been successful as of late. 

“I’m here to catch you, you can do this.” Ryo was helping today, he is rather lanky, but he can lift his patients like it’s nothing. 

“Okay...Okay,” you try to focus and take a step, you manage to lift your leg, but you quickly lose your balance and fall forwards. Ryo catches you and keeps you upright, “sorry…”

“Don’t apologize, that was good. You got a leg up!” Mayu assists to get you standing again. 

“Let’s try again, one more time and we’ll call it a day.” 

You sigh in defeat despite the encouragement. “Fine,” you gear up to try again when a knock on the window startles the three of you. 

You look over to find Hawks with a little sign, ‘you can do it!’ His feathers hold the page up while he does a little cheer with his arms. You smile and shake your head, “Mayu, please stop drooling.” Ryo grumbles as Mayu stares at the goofy hero. 

“I’m not drooling!” She covers her mouth just to be sure. “Let’s, uh, do this and then uh...maybe we could go say hi?”

Ryo rolls his eyes, “yes, I’ll cover for you, but you owe me!” 

“Thank you!!” Mayu jumps up and down clapping, you clear your throat to remind them you are still there. “Right! Sorry, go ahead [y/n],” they get back into position and you try again to take a step. You shakily lift your leg, “halfway there…” you clench the parallel bars tightly as you urge the leg forward. 

Hawks is celebrating outside as Mayu and Ryo cheer, “you did it!!” 

“I did?!” You can’t really believe it as you stare down at your legs. You are still shaking and require the parallel bars to support your weight, but you have indeed taken your literal first step towards walking again. You try to take another, but that is less successful as you stumble into Ryo again. “Welp, guess that was a fluke…”

“No, that was a success,” Mayu rolls your chair forward so you can sit down. 

“You did great, I’m sure you’ll be taking multiple steps in no time.” Ryo adds on, ensuring you are sitting properly. 

You hear another tap on the window, Hawks is pointing up towards the roof. “Let’s go say hi,” Mayu is quick to wheel you towards the exit.

“Thank you!” You call back towards Ryo who waves in acknowledgement. 

You reach the roof and get swept up by the winged Hero in a hug, “that was awesome!” Mayu looks a bit worried, as he hovers just above your wheelchair. You are holding onto him for dear life and hoping no one could see the blush blooming on your cheeks. He carefully lowers you back down to your seat. “I was just passing by when I saw you, I’m glad I stuck around.” He is all smiles, “oh? I don’t think we’ve met.” He just now noticed Mayu standing behind you. 

“Hi, uh, yeah I’m Mayu, I’m her bearcyst, THERAPIST I meant therapist.” She holds her hand out to shake his. 

“Nice to meet you,” you can’t help but notice a slight shift in his demeanor as he shakes her hand.

“Could I get a picture with you?” She pulls her cellphone up, he nods in consent and they take a quick selfie. She squeals with glee, “thank you! It was great to meet you! I’ll see you tomorrow [y/n],” she dashes back into the building, leaving you alone with the pro hero. 

“That happened,” you chuckle as he stretches his arms. “Sorry about that.” 

“I’m used to it,” he waves it off, “I can’t stay long, but I’ll be back after work and I’m going to bring something to celebrate.” 

“You don’t have to do that,” you feel flustered from all the excitement and hype. 

“You kidding? That’s a huge step!” His wings emphasize his excitement as they raise up. 

You scratch the back of your head, eyes trained on a random box garden. “Okay, if you want to.” 

He grins and ruffles your hair, “I’ll see you tonight then.” He takes off and you feel your face burn with a blush. 

“Ugh, stop that me!” You rub your face a moment before wheeling your way back towards your room. When you arrive, you find Fumiko waiting for you with some lunch. “Hey! Sorry to keep you waiting.” 

She waves it off and smiles, “I just got here, how was PT?” You tell her about your day as you start eating and she lights up in excitement. “That is so great! Won’t be long and you’ll be able to walk out of here!” 

Your face falls for a moment, you hadn’t thought about what you are going to do after your time here is done. “Yeah...I can’t wait.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I’ve been here so long I honestly hadn’t thought about what to do next…” She leans against her hand, thinking as you nibble on a carrot. “I don’t have a job and my landlord has informed me he needs me to start paying rent again, starting next month, or get my stuff out.” The landlord was nice enough to halt your rent payments until you were discharged from the hospital, but he failed to mention he was only doing that for 3 months. 

“You know you could always come stay with me for a bit, my wife won’t mind. Rika and I could go get your stuff too and hold onto it until you are discharged and find a new place.” 

“Thanks, but I wouldn’t want to be a burden…” 

“[Y/n], you are my friend and I love you and if you call yourself a burden again I’m going to hug the stuffing out of you.” She squeezes your shoulder reassuringly as you chuckle. Her watch suddenly beeps, “I gotta get back to work, let me know if you need anything. Okay?” 

“Thanks Fumi,” you hug her before she leaves and relax on your bed to rest up. It took a lot of energy to make that step today and you are ready for a nap. You drift off for a long time, a loud thump against your window startling you awake. “What year is it?!” You look around, your gaze drawn to the figure writhing in pain hovering by the window. You call a nurse in to open up the window and let your friend in. Once he has landed you let the laugh you were holding slip out, “did you run into the window?” 

“Maybe…” he is hiding the embarrassment with his jacket collar. “Not important, I’ve brought coffee and [your favorite dessert].” 

“Oh my God, you remembered?!” He sets the dessert on the table and hands you a fresh can of WAX coffee. 

“How could I forget? You were craving it hard a couple weeks back.” He pops the lid off the dessert and he waits for you to take the first bite. You are so happy, flowers and sparkles float around you as you savor the bite. “Wow, I need to bring you this more often.” He tries a bite, it is a satisfying flavor. “How was the rest of your day?”

“Well, I slept for most of it, but I was reminded I need a game plan for after my stay here.” You sigh, reminding the young man of something. 

“Oh! I forgot to tell you earlier, I showed Best Jeanist that rainbow bird cloth you made and he wanted to know if you would work with denim.” 

“Yeah, I can work with any size thread,” you tilt your head, curious where he was going with this.

“He has his own clothing line and he is always looking for ways to improve. The quality of the cloth you made impressed him.” You perk up as you realize what he is implying. “He wants to interview you when you get discharged, but it sounds like he already wants you on the team.” 

“You serious?!” 

“I’m dead serious.” 

You aren’t sure what to do, your hands flailing a little, “oh my- I could kiss you, thank you so much!!” 

His feathers puff up a little and he has to stop himself from saying something stupid, “no problem, happy to help.” The two of you finish off the dessert and drink your coffee as you talk about his day and just enjoy each other's company. He gets a thought and checks the weather outside. “Hey, want to try flying?” 

“Pardon? I am missing a very key ability to do that.” 

“No, I know, I’ve got you covered on that.” He flutters his wings, “I just wanted to show you something that you can only see tonight.” 

“Uh...sure! I just need to let the nurses know.” You hit the call button, a nurse poking his head in to see what’s wrong. You ask them if you can go out for a bit and he looks a little conflicted until Hawks reassures him you would be completely safe with him. The nurse makes a note that you would be going out for any other nurses that might be checking in on you.

Hawks opens up your window and picks you up bridal style. “Ready?” He waits for you to give him the okay and he takes off into the night. You hug his neck and screw your eyes shut as he soars to the surprise destination. “Alright, we are here.” You open your eyes and find he took you to the top of a tower overlooking a festival. 

“Wow! We are really high up,” you feel a bit shaken as he sets you down on the platform. 

“Best seat in the house for what’s to come.” He sits down next to you, one wing curling around you to block the wind. 

“I’ve never seen the city like this before,” you are already mesmerized by the lights of the city. 

Hawks is mesmerized by something else, he removes one of his gloves and takes your hand in his. His fingers intertwined with yours, his thumb sweeping across the side of your thumb. You feel your heart rate spike up at the contact. Before you can say anything, a loud pop draws your attention to the inky black sky. A firework briefly lights up the darkness and dazzles anyone who sees it. “Wow,” you are breathless as you take in the glorious display. 

“I knew you would like it,” he squeezes your hand gently as you both enjoy the bright and colorful display. You test the waters and lean your head against his shoulder, much to your surprise he leans his head against yours. It’s comforting, the show lasts for around 15 minutes and it’s over all too soon. 

“Thanks for bringing me out here,” you speak softly, scared to ruin the moment. 

“Anytime,” you can hear the smile, “ready to head back?” 

“Not really…” a blast of wind sends a chill down your spine. “Yes…”

He chuckles and moves to pick you up, “hold on tight.” He jumps off the platform and glides languidly back towards the hospital.

“Will you still come see me...even after I leave the hospital?” 

“Of course,” he answers without hesitation, swiftly quelling the fear you didn’t realize you had. You couldn’t deny the feelings that have been growing stronger each time you see him. You didn’t want to say anything and risk ruining what you have, but you were starting to wonder if the feeling might be mutual. 

[littlx-songbxrd]

The last hours rant

Hi! Its very late and I have no buisness writting this rn but I feel like if I dont I literally will not get my mind to shut up about it so enjoy my midnight crisis tm or whatever

So this is literally gonna sound like the weirdest thing but I think Gideon and Alastair could potentially have SUCH a good relationship??? Like???? Ok getting the elefant in the room out of the way ik ik Alastair basically spread rumors about Gideons family and bullied his son and his nephews which is basically the entire drama with thomas (Which I beg will be resolved). I agree that was horrible and even in the circumstance (which I understand) he kinda needs to apologize for his mistakes but I feel like were all forgetting that the lightwood brothers were bullies too

This side we saw a lot more out of Gabriel (which just made his redemption sweeter specially when he got together with cecily) but we tend to forget Gideon was said to be just as bad as Gabriel (even worse)

"You should see his older brother" said Jem "Makes Gabriel look sweeter than gingerbread"

Anyways both the Lightwood brothers were a product of the enviorment they were raised in. They both grew up to be the way they were because of the negligent and toxic enviorment they were raised in. It wasnt until Gideon took his travel year to Spain and came back in CP that we actually saw the change from "being worse than gabriel" to "an actual good an decent character". It also wasnt until Gabriel got out of the house that we even started his transition from the horrible person he was to the character we all know and love

Know who also became a bully thanks to the circumstances he was put through??? Thats right! Alastair himself! He started bullying as he says in Chain of Gold because

"For a while I realized I had a choice. There were only two kinds of people at the academy . The bullies and the bullied"

As we see from Cordelias POV he doesnt start behaving the way he does now until he starts the academy, coincidently around the same time he starts taking care of his drunk father. He learnt that because of his family, (cassie doesnt outright say it but) because if his skin he was already different. It was either be the hunter or be hunted and he already had a disadvantage being one of the only POCS in a majorly white school. Not to mention he was probably figuring out hes sexuality at the time too (him critizicing Oscar Wilde SCREAMED internalized homoohobia to me) For whatever it is worth Alastair didnt start bullying because it was in his nature, he started doing it because the enviorment he was placed in demmanded it of him

Both characters were products of there enviorment, and both characters once getting out of said enviorment (Gideons travel year) (Alastair well.... theres a lot to unpac here from his travel year to moving to England to breaking it with Charles) realized just how badly they had basically "screwed up" and tried in their own way to make ammends with the people they had hurt. Which we all know how that ended up going for both of them

I think were more drawn to forgive, or even forget, Gideon had a past very similar to Alastair due to the simple fact that, we didnt see it. We only heard whispers of rumors of the very bad deeds Gideon did in his past. But with Alastair we saw his deeds up close, through the perspective of characters we love, making his forgiveness a little more complicated for us.

But just because we as a fandom have collectively never seen Gideons bad years doesnt mean they never happened. It doesnt mean the rumors around him are false. Now I dont think Gideons is ANY place to sympathize with Alastair (same way Thomas is in no place to forgive him) Having JUST lost his daughter. The last thing he'd want was to hear about rumors that almost tore his family apart

But given the right time to heal from his lost and given he takes the time to actually hear Alastair out if he were to apologize outrightly to him (which lets be honest is one of my biggest hopes for COI)... I think he'd be one of the only people to understand were Alastair is comming from

Dont get me wrong hed still be a pretty pissed at first but I like to believe he would forgive him the same way Charlotte did for him, because he knows better than anyone the power a second chance can have. He knows first hand what a little trust can do to someone whos trying to make up for years of wrong doings

Thought I dont think hed get in the middle of the Thomastair disaster tm (If hes son decides to forgive thats hes buisness) but for him? I dont think hed just ignore hes past, which again is very similar to Alastairs, and just hate him

Idk maybe I just love parallels a bit too much and it would mean the world if Gideon did for Alastair what Charlotte did for him. Because I think thats exactly what Alastair needs, just a little push to keep on making ammends with his past. Cause as of right now every attempt he has tried has pretty much backfired horribly, so it would be so beautiful to see Gideon (one of the only people in the books who can actually understand where this dudes comming from) actually forgiving him for his wrong doings same way Charlotte forgave him for everything and let him stay in the institute after he left his father and decided to become a better person

Did I mention I'm a sucker for parallels

Anyways if you made it this far ily and I wanan hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading!

@tsccreatorsnet

[seance]

jatp as bodies of water

a character analysis based on this gifset.

first of all, a disclaimer: this was just me and @snakebitescar having fun , we perfectly know this is still a kid show and it’s not that deep™ but i, personally, find this type of speculations really interesting. kinda all or nothing, you know? i don’t usually dwell on more superficial hcs because i’m drawn to this kind of symbolism the most. that said we just thought we share, no pressure to rb or anything. i apologize for the small text but this got long i don’t want to spam anyone’s dash too much. 

luke as the ocean

I purposefully chose to use not just any view of the ocean, but a glimpse of a stormy one. What makes it so fitting in my eyes is that the ocean, by its nature, is limitless and unknowable but it’s not deceiving in any way. It’s powerful and overpowering but it appears as it is: vast and full of hidden depths.

Luke’s greatest strength is his energy, his uncompromising passion, his determination, his willingness to risk it all for what he believes in and for the people he loves. He needs to always be in motion, he needs to know he’s moving forward, towards something greater, something that will make every sacrifice and every loss worth it. Behind every gesture, every word, every action there’s something more, something deeper (like a wound that never really closed, an unfathomable regret, a simmering anger sparked by the betrayal of a friend).

He doesn’t really hide who he is or what he thinks but he will always, like the ocean, keep surprising those around him with new aspects of his exuberance, his creativity, his sociability. Just like the ocean, bound by no borders, Luke is free to be everything at once.

reggie as the lake

The lake can be peaceful and embracing or brooding and stagnant. It’s the only body of water that doesn’t flow somewhere, it appears motionless on the surface but in reality it hides dangerous underwater currents, unpredictable whirlpools and often deadly murky terrains.

Lakes represent the need for security, they are places of painful transformations, both cradle and trap. Basing some of our assumption on Luke’s words about Reggie’s less than ideal home-life, the parallel between the lake’s dual nature and how he expresses (or rather suppresses) his emotions came naturally. One of the main differences between Reggie and everyone else is that he’s never confrontational. He always works towards de-escalating the situation, he’s probably used to conceal any negative emotion to not add fuel to the fire, he tends to always follow and never lead.

This doesn’t mean he feels less than everybody else, every now and then those very emotions he tries so hard to control shine through and we see how actually scared he is, how he craves stability and security. He dreads any changes that have to do with the unknown or the possibility of his support system failing (“Do we all still get to hang out together?”) Just like the lake he’s both still and turbulent, constantly edging between relying on what is safe or taking the odd risk.

alex as the river

Alex was maybe the most complex to analyze out of the four of them. I’m a firm believer that anyone is entitled to their own headcanons and their own interpretation of a character but I must admit, I can’t really get behind some fandom takes that systematically reduce Reggie to his goofy side or Alex to his anxiety because as I see it, they both hold so much potential.

Rivers are an indomitable force. They flow for miles, from mountain to sea, sometimes dwindling but never drying up completely. They dig their way forward and they endure. Rivers are symbols of sensitivity and empathy but they can also be forceful and overflowing, almost too much to bear all at once.

Alex is highly emotional, for better or worse that’s what makes him such an interesting character. He’s not just his anxiety but he’s always straightforward about his emotions and his thoughts. Unlike Reggie we often see him question Luke’s opinion, he doesn’t shy away from commenting on the current situation, if he’s feeling anxious or happy or sad or angry he’s open about it, he wants the others to know.

Alex had to hide a big part of his identity for we don’t know how long and that surely played its part in worsening his fears but what we do know is that he had the courage to come out and live his truth, despite the negative outcome. When he decides to do something he pours all of himself into it, he’s proactive, he’s honest (sometimes too honest), he’s afraid of change but still faces it head first.

Just like a river plunges through deep ravines and spreads out over wide planes, he can act as a leading force if needed, making others see things from a different perspective (him talking to Julie about the Patterson, for example). He’s captivating and intense, Willie fell for him deep and fast and vice versa. Alex immediately offered the truest form of himself (his interest and his awkwardness and his anxiety) with no compromise. That’s part of the reason Willie’s betrayal stung so much I believe (“I thought we were having fun together” meaning Alex never thought of acting any differently from who he really is, what he was putting on the table was his raw and flawed self and Willie’s hesitation felt like a rejection).

Just like the river, Alex is committed and open about where he comes from and where he’s going.

julie as the waterfall

While every other body of water is somehow linked to the imaginary of life and death (the ocean gave us life but it can take it back just as easily, the river mythologically represents the boundaries between the two worlds, lakes are the dwelling places of monsters or other insidious creatures) waterfalls are usually seen as magical elements. They’re young, fresh, unafraid and most importantly, alive. They represent the calling for adventure, the restlessness that comes from wanting to always try new things, to explore your own potential.

Julie, above all, is her own character. All her relationships are deeply meaningful but they just add to an already strong identity. She’s energetic and she’s resourceful and she’s strong in the truest sense of the term because she isn’t afraid to hurt or to admit her limits (“I tried for mom, for you, even for me. I’m tired”). Julie is the main engine of the entire narrative because she represents, quite literally, the life force of the band. She doesn’t just go along with their wishes, she finds a balance with the boys and she isn’t afraid to call it quits when her trust is betrayed, she’s their equal in all things and she inspires respect.

Just like the waterfall rushes down perilously from any height, Julie launches herself in the new possibilities the band has to offer, she claws her way out of her grief and she gets involved without sparing herself. She’s eager, she’s passionate and she’s creative and she always has a new input to offer.

[scoundrels-in-love]

Almost 300 years a week later, here are some of my thoughts on Dan Ah and her actions through ep 11 and 12. I will try not to repeat too much of the points I made here, or elsewhere in my rambles, but if it happens, it happens. + I won’t operate on mindset that you’ve read it.

First, I think her saying ‘apologies are meaningless, I can’t take back things I said, only make up for it’ is incredibly telling of her as person and the kind of environment she grew up in - the high society and family where apologies are dished out hollowly and never followed through with intention of changing something for the better or your behavior. Time and how you spend it is very important to her. She even says as much in her confession and I think it only outlines how much her time is the one thing she tries to have control of, and exert it (over herself as well). Considering the concept of possibly terminal illness that she suffers from, it makes sense. She doesn’t have time to be patient, no one will wait for her, including her own health. Yeong Hwa is the one immovable object that forces her to slow down and readjust her whole approach to life and it’s been... Not comfortable, necessarily, but it’s been functional, so she struggles to redefine it, especially without real example.

Second, there’s lot of parallels to be drawn between her and Mi Joo. And I ended up writing this all backwards, so I am not sure if I’ll manage to include it, but in some ways, Mi Joo’s line about ‘I value myself more than anyone else’ both in the sense that she’s the most important to herself and that no one else values her truly highly is very reminiscent of Dan Ah’s attitude and the way she admitted she isn’t in control of her life entirely o Mi Joo.

And there’s. of course, that moment when Mi Joo responded sarcastically to Seun Gyeom, later to apologize for it, which he took in a stride (much as he had said that he had never felt Dan Ah walked over him unjustly), because he does understand where they come from and how they work, on a certain level (even if he underestimated just how his father would strike and manage to hurt Mi Joo). I think Dan Ah isn’t at place where she cay say that yet, but I do believe sentiment is within her.

If someone asked what motivates Dan Ah, her answer could be similar to Mi Joo’s - fear and obsession, rather than Seun Gyeom’s regret. Fear of being controlled, of being weak and sick, obsession of having and exerting certain power and keeping yourself safe. Now, this point altogether is purely speculation on my part, of course, but that’s my read on the character, but also her anxiety has been mentioned several times and anxiety is basically that - fear, especially of things going wrong/being out of control, if we wish to trivialize it.

And although Dan Ah merely adds that whatever she had, got taken away from her, she basically used same method as Mi Joo - set her goals and opted for the best ‘fake’ that she could get, in this case her company, rather than being football player or the gallery. Both, in the same way, would rather put up walls to not lose what little they have but the men in their lives just... Bypassed them.

It’s interesting to note that similarly as Mi Joo is currently trying to sort ouf what is real and to go for, instead of relying on having a ‘fake’, so does Dan Ah - it’s likely she is planning to expose the illegitimate status of both her brothers to gain what is technically rightfully hers (hence asking her younger brother to side with her even when it will not be comfortable for him).

Third, I think the way she’s seeking out Mi Joo and her opinion is very interesting. And it does loop back to Yeong Hwa as well!

From the very start, we see that Dan Ah actually cares to listen to other people to an extent (she asks her secretary what she did wrong to upset Seun Gyeom, even if she ends the conversation how much simpler it’d be if all of us thought were similar, which is strongly undermined by all of her interactions with Mi Joo and even Yeong Hwa essentially). She is interested in experiencing being opposed and challenged in a way that is not downright demeaning as she does in her family. She finds their view on world interesting, if somewhat incomprehensible, and listens to it, processes it inwardly, even if her initial reaction might be defensive. (Also, it shows from start she’s willing to admit she doesn’t have all answers, same as she does with Yeong Hwa telling him that she doesn’t know what answer he wants - as she would need to know in business deal which is what most of her world consists of.)

But in some ways, I also think she is interested in what Seun Gyeom and Mi Joo have created and how. She basically instantly could tell Seun Gyeom is interested in Mi Joo which is implied as rare occurrence (or perhaps even the only time since she says she’s the last woman he liked and he debunks the theory), she asks several times what Mi Joo sees in Seun Gyeom that makes her so protective of him (which I think is both a way to see how deeply Mi Joo cares for him and to see more of Seun Gyeom). But also in some way, although it is her own act to let Seun Gyeom, she “loses” him to his own path and Mi Joo both. Because I do think she cares for him as a friend, perhaps only one she has.

Although she puts Seun Gyeom’s picture by the trash, it’s actually not taken out for several days and it’s definitely not because the secretary or the cleaner are neglecting their duties. Rather, same way as he didn’t throw away the honey but handed it back to Yeong Hwa, the secretary is aware she’s not really emotionally throwing him away. Because once she likes something, she never really stops, as per her own admission.

So there’s this certain feeling of loss that she can’t quite admit to herself and want to know both what Mi Joo saw and supported in Seun Gyeom and how and a yearning for something similar, because this is basically the first friendship/not work based relationship of the kind that she sees. (The same way she marvels is this how full-blood siblings are supposed to be when Eun Bi is upset about Seun Gyeom’s picture and how she defends her brother and then, Dan Ah actually ‘tattles’ on her so he can protect her, which can be covered up with excuse it was over the schedule, but was it really?)

In fact, she seems to be somewhat envious of relationship her brother has with her secretary, saying he still cares for her brother more and also the way she wanted to be included in the whole cat talk. She is upset when he doesn’t say he’s her person, but employed by the company, she protects him the way she knows how to (regarding revenge kick) and generally cares for him. She just wants someone truly and personally on her side, even though she probably has a hard time admitting it to herself which results in these odd and halfway there and nowhere attempts, especially paired with  the fact she doesn’t really know how to establish not-work-related connection on a deeper level.

I will add point fourth here, although it’s still technically third. It’s safer, far more practical and logical to stay detached. But the heart wants what it wants and it’s friendship, connection, being liked for who she is and being challenged but not seen as lesser, with someone who won’t smile because she’s his boss, although that sort of control is precious and hard fought to be had in part of her life.

Caring for something or someone is relinquishing this control, basically inviting the same result Seun Gyeom got taste of at ep of 12, the result she already experienced with her dreams of being football player crushed. Except if it involves another person, it increases the chances of being hurt by them exponentially. And it’s also worth considering that if her relationship with mother was close, she’s also already experienced abandonment and grief of losing someone dear and close. (Which, of the leads, only Mi Joo knows and even then it’s more the absence of reflection what other people around her have which hurts, but in a different way, as per my experience.)

Concept of Mi Joo’s friendship, and Yeong Hwa as a whole, become very images of these unsaid wish fulfillment because they’re not trying to be.

They’re themselves, argumentative and challenging, and teasing, despite her being ‘above them’ in power hierarchy, leveling the field by merely ignoring it, and, initially, she doesn’t even try to get Yeong Hwa sign a contract, it’s only when her own yearning for his work (and for him), and him denying her any of it becomes a problem that she ‘admits’ it was her own fault for not drawing the sort of lines she’s used to with everyone else, and even then she’s not really thrilled about him agreeing to it, because it’s not really what she wants from him, although it’s what would be the safest and make the most actual sense within her world.

Even then, as her employee, he refuses to follow her orders and tells her plainly - if she wants something, she is to be vulnerable and invest herself into it (she actually tries, by smiling because he had said it was cute) and she has to admit to herself and to him, that he has grown onto her, not as a ‘vending machine’ or ‘employee’, but person whose opinion and feelings toward her are very important to her.

Also, it’s very telling how she tells him she belongs to herself, of course, and that he, too, can still belong to himself. She wants him as individual separate from herself, but the thought that he is firmly on her side obviously makes her very happy. In some ways, it’s also upgrade from ‘my person’ claim she makes toward her secretary, a learning curve.

Fifth, I suppose. While I rewatched some scenes to make sure I wasn’t actually misremembering, I started to think of another motif that repeats through her conversations.

Dan Ah repeatedly tells him not to have expectations, sentiments, disappointments toward her. From one side, it’s to draw a clear line of employee/employer and view each other in a detached way (that she tries again and again herself, but fails to), but from other, is it that simple?

She is almost crying when she asks him if he’s really stopped liking her and from preview, we learn that no one has asked her out before, seemingly? Probably because she was too much of a boss ass bitch, but still possibly left with a certain sense of inadequacy and that ‘when I am being apologetically me and I will always be that, I am not likeable although I do not entirely understand why’, as per her wondering why people always think she’s mean when by most of her society’s standards, she is rather thoughtful.

Her want of gallery has been brought up several times, her older half brother often says her pick of artist will never be good enough, her father still sees her as a tool to marry off. She as person with her goals and dreams and what she has achieved, just isn’t good enough for people around her at large.

The moment he cares for her, the moment she inherently becomes capable of disappointing him. The moment she cares for him, the moment she becomes capable of disappointing him. And that thought, of doing that and not enough to Yeong Hwa who has sneakily smiled his way into her heart, the growing awareness she truly doesn’t know how to be in some aspects, is overwhelming and painful and she tries to shut the door to it.

Also, he tells her he likes her no matter what he does, but he hates it, which I imagine is double the punch and she tries to find a solution that would make him happy and stop hating it - the perfect answer, as she would in a business deal, but she can’t, until she commits to the truly mortifying ordeal of being known (as suggested by Mi Joo).

Sixth, I really liked that she (or the narrative) didn’t make fun of Yeong Hwa crying. In fact, she’s eyerolled about her younger brother’s temper, but not really in the present made fun of him for apparently being a ‘crybaby’ in the past. I think that in a sense shows her actual streak of empathy and maybe the fact that she’s familiar with need to cry herself and doesn’t find it ‘weak’ as most ‘tougher’ characters would. Also perhaps that she cares for her younger brother more than she has admitted to herself, similarly as she kept denying she cared for Yeong Hwa and went rather far to hurt him.

[silverostro]

EMBERS TASK // LETTERS​

sent and unsent letters to: @othcrhalf, @honimoore, @ncllysnge, @swannscngs, @sinksand, @digitalrcge, @dawnhardn, @blythefm, @hovergrove

we put down in writing what is happening in our minds once it’s on the paper we feel better, we feel better it’s like some kind of clarity when the letter’s done and signed

to robyn, sent before the 74th hunger games 

Robyn,

I know how much you hate the very thought of receiving a letter, yet alone writing a response, but unfortunately you’ve humored me enough that it’s habit to think of you when I sit to write. Old-fashioned, perhaps, but also safer. And there’s something about the act that brings honesty that’s more difficult to offer face to face, or over telecom even, if you’ll forgive a moment of vulnerability.

This letter is out of character, to be completely honest. I apologize that you won’t find the usual ranting and raving about my work, or any of the indifference that I know you adore so much from me. I’m certain you’ll miss it this once, but I promise we’ll be back to normal soon enough. If it helps, you’re welcome to include a few comments speculating on what will surely be another silver monstrosity I’m forced into for this year’s Games. Bacchus is hard at work as we speak, unfortunately.

But I digress.

Something about this year feels different. I know you understand that well, in a way that even I can’t fathom, and wish I had some way to ease. I’ve found myself considering this unease, this restlessness, and it took me far too long to realize what it is, selfishly, in my case.

I’ve never liked celebrating my birthday. The first birthday I still have memories of is my eighteenth; it was only a few days after I woke as a victor, all of my other memories distorted or gone. Ironic, isn’t it? A birthday I had been convinced a week earlier that I wouldn’t live to see, a thought I had made peace with the moment my name was drawn from that bowl, fate sealed, the first I still have memories of now. 

I’ve been wrong more often than I would admit to most anyone else, but just this once I’ll admit it to you, Robyn.

This year’s birthday is...strange. They’re always strange, but they’re easy to overlook. In the wake of victories that are rarely Three’s, it’s easy to slip into the background. But I haven’t been able to stop my thoughts from lingering on how strange it is to be here at all. Forty. Horrifying, isn’t that? I should be pleased. I should be grateful to have lasted so long when I believed I wouldn’t live to see eighteen. And yet, in the quiet moments of the night, when it’s more difficult to fill the blank spaces in my life with work, such simply human needs as sleep making it impossible not to reflect. (Yes, even I need sleep, sometimes.) I can’t help but feel I haven’t done nearly what I should have with all of these unexpected years, though. Does that make sense?

I look around around my workroom, my home, the quiet almost eerie, if I wasn’t so used to it after so many years, and I realize that I’ve spent so much time in my own bruised mind, that I’m a little more than alone. Used to something no one should be used to. A circumstance of my own making. There aren’t many memories left of my parents, but the few I have, I remember the way they told me it was better to keep my head down, keep a distance from the world for my own safety. In the absence of their guidance, anyone’s guidance, I took those words to heart, and I did them well. But I have no one to blame but myself. I thought I wanted this, I thought distance would benefit me, but now? I’m not so certain it does. 

I can only assume that your own birthday is something a little strange now, too. And I’m sorry for that. But I’m glad you’re still here.

All this to say, perhaps when I’m back in the Capitol, we could celebrate. Nothing wild, I’m much too old for that now, but... a drink or two? I think we could both use the distraction.

I’ll only accept your RSVP in writing...

Yours, Silver

to perri, sent shortly after the 66th hunger games

Perri,

A call would probably be easier, I’m well aware, but I can’t shake this paranoia lately, and the very real feeling that the static might crowd my mind and cause me to forget all I have to say, if I don’t put pen to paper. I know you understand.

I’d rather not give anyone a reason to keep a closer eye on me, or Three than they already have.

But it feels strange, not to be alone in victory any longer. 

I should be grateful that for the first time one of the children put in my care against my will survived, but I’ve found it difficult to feel that way. Of course, I’m glad that she survived––I wish desperately she wasn’t the first in my years of mentoring to do so––but from what I’ve seen already of how the Capitol is going to treat her, this outcome feels just as horrible, in an entirely different way. I know I shouldn’t think like that. It’s cruel, and perhaps it’s selfish, too, in a way, because in survival there’s guilt. She didn’t survive because of anything I did; I haven’t made a real effort beyond the bare minimum since my first few years mentoring. I’m certain she realized that I thought she wouldn’t make it out of that arena. 

Now there’s a reminder of my failures standing by my side. Now we’ll have to stand there together and watch children die year after year.

It’s not the same, but there are twisted parallels here that I have no desire to accept, but have somehow only fully realized now that Three has another victor. Parenthood and mentorship. Sometimes both as unwanted, and unasked for as the other. I don’t know how you do it, how you do both, when either alone is hard enough. This feeling of responsibility for another’s well being is terrifying. And I feel an immense amount of guilt for not allowing myself to see it that way until this year.

Could I have helped any of the others survive if I had tried harder? Would that have been dooming them to an even worse fate, if I did?

Am I cruel, for thinking this way? I can’t even tell anymore. It’s been too long, I have no sense of what’s normal any longer, if I did at all even before my own victory. 

I’ll see you soon enough. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to go on a Victory Tour, I’m not sure I remember how it’s done. But I’m glad for the excuse to see you and Sage. Perhaps I can convince our watchers to let us have dinner with you. I have a feeling you would get along well with Digit, she reminds me a little of you when we first met all those years ago. Perhaps you can give her understanding that I haven’t been able to find yet.

Give Sage my love, as always. And I suppose you can have some of it for yourself, too.

Yours, Silver

to nelly, sent after the 70th hunger games

Dear Nelly, 

You mentioned your newest set of stationary the last time we ran into each other, so I thought I might give you an excuse to test it out, in case you’re not waiting on any other replies at the moment. (Although I’m certain you have much more interesting letters waiting for you than mine.)

I hope you’re doing as well as anyone can, in between Games. I realized, as I sat down to begin this letter, that I’m not actually entirely certain what the life of an escort is like outside of the little I hear from ours. In fact, it’s rare that I see much of the Capitol at all outside of the bustle of the Games, usually sequestered in a windowless room in some high rise to do work when I am asked to come in during the off season.

Do you spend your time planning for whatever might come during the next Games, or are you allowed a few months of rest from responsibility? It says something that I can’t tell if the idea of rest sounds appealing or horrifying. Only I suppose it’s hard for me to imagine what life in the Capitol must be like, or even just a life without my days filled with work, no room to think of much else.

Although, that’s not quite true, is it? I’ve found enough time without work to write. Oh, and I apologize if this is utterly illegible. Years of making notes only for myself or my assistants’ interpretation has led to rather awful handwriting. Perhaps you can offer me some pointers, that seems like the sort of thing you would be an expert at, perfect handwriting.

Anyway, I could go on about what I’m currently working on, but I won’t bore you with those details, when I’ve done enough rambling as it is. 

It seems that work is going to bring me to the Capitol for a few days in a week or two, perhaps I’ll see you at one of the parties they inevitably ask me to attend while there. The possibility of a friendly face at one of those events is always something to look forward to, at least.

In the meantime, take care of yourself, Nelly, you deserve a break.

Warmly, Silver

to swann, sent before the 72nd hunger games

Swann,

I hope I’m not being too presumptuous in writing to you. I know there’s no need for a letter, a call, at the very most, would have sufficed, if not simply a silent acknowledgement the next time we both find ourselves forced to attend a Capitol celebration. But something compelled me to do so anyway. 

Perhaps it’s because understanding is such a rarity, even among the unfortunate many of us who have been put through what we’ve faced.

I know I wasn’t in any state to offer the appropriate gratitude at that party. This is something that I’ve dealt with for years, but it rarely becomes so bad so publicly. I hope you know that I would do my best to offer you the same understanding you gave me, if our positions were ever reversed. I’m not so certain I would be able do so with as much compassion and grace as you, but we all have our strengths. Mine clearly not being my memory.

Trust isn’t an easy thing to give, but the risk was worth it, in this case. Still, if you could keep the...severity of my situation quiet, I would be very grateful. Flaws, weaknesses are too dangerous for those in our position, I know you’ve seen that firsthand as well. 

Which I suppose is why I’m all the more grateful for your help in remembering. That’s all I really wanted to say, I appreciated the reminder you gave me, and the humanity you showed. It’s all very easy to forget, sometimes.

There’s no need to write back.

Sincerely,  Silver Ostro

to aven, unsent, written several years after desmond’s death

Aven,

I’ve been thinking about Thalia a great deal lately. And when I think of Thalia, I can’t help but think of you, as well, of course.

It’s not rare to see her face in nightmares, to see her body. I relive those last few moments of my Games over and over again more nights than not, slowed down, sped up, in excruciating detail each time. 

I try to remind myself of what she was like before, but it’s been harder lately to remember those few good moments in the arena with her, when both of us were safe, when she showed me care it felt like I hadn’t been given in years. 

It’s selfish, but I wish we could talk about her, like we used to. I want to hear your stories about what she was like back in Five, before the Games took her, about how the two of you got along. It was always easier to see her smile in my mind, instead of her death, right after you talked about her with me.

But that’s not fair of me to wish for, is it?

I know you blame me in some ways for what happened, and I accept that. I know what I create is used for, I know how dangerous it all is, even those things that would be harmless in less cruel hands than those of the Capitol, and yet I still do so anyway. 

I have more blood on my hands that most victors, all without ever laying a finger on anyone.

Sometimes, I wonder if Thalia would have survived, if she hadn’t made the mistake of showing me kindness, and if everyone might have been better for that. I have a suspicion you know that feeling well yourself.

But there’s no use in speculation. We survived, and we continue to survive only because of the choices we’ve made. Choices that have hurt others we care for deeply. Perhaps that’s why it’s so easy to blame each other, to stay at odds, because we’ve both made those choices, and they’ve caused immeasurable pain. 

It’s not easy to look into a mirror.

I could apologize to you, but nothing I can say will undo what I’ve been apart of, and what I’ve caused with my selfish desire to live, despite this not feeling terribly like life at all. So instead I’ll just say that I understand, even if you don’t want me to. And perhaps that’s as far as we can hope to get just now.

- Silver

dawn, unsent, written several years ago after oversharing then pulling away lmao

Dawn,

I owe you an explanation. In fact, I owe you much more than that, but I’ve never had such an easy time with admitting I’ve been wrong, expressing vulnerability, so all that I can offer just now is an explanation, as a start.

You might have guessed that I’m not used to talking openly when it comes to things more emotional. In the absence of many memories of my own childhood, I have to simply assume from what I’ve been told that this has always been the case, something that I learned early on from my parents, who were both more content to hole themselves up surrounded by electronics and blueprints, rather than face the world. Logic reigned in our home, from what I’ve heard, and the little I do remember now. There was never much sharing of emotions, and that was that.

After my Games, I suppose I took that to the extreme. But it’s easier to swallow it all down, bury it deep, when facing it might break you in ways that you’re not sure you could come back from.

This is my overly formal way of saying I’m shit at anything emotional. And when I’m faced with just that, it’s instinct to do exactly the opposite.

I’m self aware enough to know this is an instinct I need to break. And I’m self aware enough to admit that it’s not always as helpful as I like to believe it is, and that it’s possible, despite so much pain, to live through it with gentleness. You’re proof of that.

In our conversations, you opened my eyes to that possibility, something that I would have scoffed at if I had been told before witnessing it firsthand. At first, it was simple curiosity, you baffle me. I can hardly fathom how someone can be put through the cruelty and pain that you have, and still show such kindness for everyone.

You made me want to try, though. I don’t understand why you’re so intent on trying with me. That’s not something that happens often, I don’t give anyone a reason to want to try with me. And yet you shared, and somehow it compelled me to do the same.

And that was terrifying.

It’s not a good explanation––it’s one that I could use for each and every one of my actions in honesty––but it’s cowardice that made me run from that honesty. But perhaps it’s a start to admit that at all. 

Next time, if there is a next time, I’ll try to do better.

- Silver

to blythe, unsent, written after the president’s party, kept in one of their notebooks

B.B.,

I needed to set our understanding in writing, for my own sake. Supremely ironic, isn’t it, that writing is less dangerous than words spoken. I’ve helped make sure of that, unfortunately, and so from the moment I left the arena I found myself clinging to the act of putting thought to paper for safety, I think.

But that’s neither here, nor there.

That hug you shocked me with during the party at the president’s mansion is something I’m considering. It was a surprise, but also a reminder of how much someone can say with something so simple. I’ve forgotten in my years spent with my head down, doing as the Capitol says, that simple can be powerful. An agreement sealed in that gesture, trust, perhaps. It left me speechless, unbalanced, but not in a negative way. 

Before then, I can’t remember the last time I hugged anyone, isn’t that depressing?

Physical touch, any form of it at all, is such a rarity now that I hardly know how to react to it. I’ve spent so much of my life making certain I was beyond any such attachment that I’ve left myself thoroughly alone, when it counts. Strange, then perhaps, that I’m realizing how deeply I desire just that. I’ve been alone for a long time, I’ve kept myself alone for a long time. I’m tired of that.

(Maybe I’m presumptuous to think you understand that feeling well.)

Perfect timing, this strange little agreement of ours. 

I’m well aware I’m not easy to trust, and I shouldn’t be. I’ve spent the past twenty-two years working for the very people who caused us all so much pain, helping them take lives, and keep us in line. It’s something I have to earn. Something I plan to earn, right along side the penance and control I so desperately seek. The risk you’re taking is not lost on me, and I’m grateful for it. 

I’m going to do everything I can not to disappoint you, or any of the dozens of others I’ve already disappointed with my actions. I promise you that.

- S.O.

to digit, unfinished, written after the quarter quell announcement, kept with other letters

Digit,

If this letter ever makes its way to you, you’ll have to forgive the archaic form it’s taken, but I know you’re just as aware as I am that nothing spoken out loud is safe, and anyway, I’m not so certain I could put my thoughts into words if I tried, face to face.

That’s always been part of the problem, after all, hasn’t it?

We’ve agreed to try, but that’s much easier said than done after years of doing the opposite, years keeping as much distance as possible, despite the Capitol forcing us together. 

There’s no need to beat around the bush anymore. You deserve candor in a way I’ve rarely offered, something I’m trying to learn to do better at, but still is a foreign concept in honesty.

I’m sorry. That’s the base of it. 

You deserve more than just a simple apology, after everything that I have done, and even more so for the things I haven’t, but I’ve never been particularly good at this sort of thing. And I don’t expect your forgiveness, or anyone else’s for that matter. You, of all people, have every right and every reason not to offer it. What have I offered you, after all? Certainly nothing to inspire trust or faith.

My goal here is to do the opposite now. You’ll be a better judge than I am of if I’m succeeding in those attempts or not––and I’m certain you’ll have no trouble telling me bluntly if I am not––but as we’ve said, there’s little to do but try.  

My fear is that I might not have a chance to get far enough to make a difference, and my hope is that you might be willing to keep trying in my stead if that happens. It’s a great deal to ask of someone I’ve given every reason not to trust me, but I trust you. Oddly enough, I’ve always trusted you, even if I’ve done nothing to show it. Almost laughable, how in forcing us together, the Capitol might have created its own problems by forcing me to care.

Because I do, despite what I’ve shown.

But I hope it’s not to late to admit that.

to hudson, unfinished, written after the quarter quell announcement, kept with other letters

Hudson,

This is a rather morbid letter, the sort of just in case I’d rather not consider, but with so much uncertainty, precautions need to be in place if things go wrong. 

Firstly, I knew your parents, or rather, knew of them, when they were still in Three. And you deserve to know why you ended up where you are, too, I believe, whether they want to admit it, or not. 

A well-kept secret in Three. We make the technology, and thus, as I mentioned during our brief conversation on the train, it’s more difficult for them to keep it from us. We’re as advanced as the Capitol in our own way, if not more so, if only covertly. There’s a thriving...market, as I’m certain there is in every district, numbered high or low. There are needs that aren’t met by strictly by the book, and there are those who are willing to bridge that gap, in various ways, for various reasons.

It’s a situation that we all have considered before, in various ways, a situation some of us have lived out, unfortunately. There’s the heroic thought, that if we were put in a position in which keeping quiet would doom us, but save others, we would holdfast. But the reality is not so simple. 

I could never blame anyone for breaking under that pressure, under that desire to keep their own life, yet alone those of their family, safe. I know many who have done the same thing. In honesty, I’ve done just that, although not in such an outright way.

It’s preferable to take the lighter punishment, rather than something much worse in the name those you hardly know, isn’t it?

Is it?

I’m not so sure it is. I only wish I could offer some sort of reassurance that none of us will end up in a position like that again.

Which brings me to my second point. You’re intelligent enough that I believe you might have read between the lines during our last conversation. Personal projects that are not actually so personal. And I need someone to know that, several people to know that, in case something happens and I can’t see them through. 

Communication, what we spoke about, sharing information between all of us, instead of trying to win this fight alone. But also weapons, for the inevitable. It’s all coded in my notebooks, and the blueprints are hidden away, but I think between Digit, and you, certainly you might be able to interpret enough of them to glean something useful. Enough that I might make it easier for you to help fix things. Or at least I hope so. 

If not, I’m certain that you’re intelligent enough to come up with your own solution to this problem. Find a way to fix things, just as you mentioned to me you enjoy doing.