#arthur looked a lil weird in the first one so i had to try again

[izel-scribbles]

john + arthur designs from all that is mine to me, all that is yours to you by @tallangrycockatiel

[gwenhwyvach]

thoughts on the green knight (2021)

i have a lot of Thoughts that i was originally going to post to my main but this is what the sideblog is for. tl;dr under the cut

tl:dr: i think overall the themes were well-represented, but i couldn't figure out WHY they changed the things they changed - some examples i was looking for were things like making it more accessible to a modern audience, or fitting into the allotted time, but those weren't really there. it was largely incomprehensible to anyone who doesn't have intimate knowledge of the poem; i think that inaccessibility like that is a MAJOR flaw in a movie (again at the bottom) things i am docking points for, in chronological order:

christmas day: this isn't like important to the plot but it's super annoying to me personally when people think the date for the beheading is christmas day when it's actually new year's day. we've all heard 12 days of christmas it's not that big of a stretch to figure out they're still celebrating it on new year's

morgan being gawain's mother: this is a big one! arthuriana has so few female characters, and erasing morgause removes a major one and messes up a lot of stuff by moving her to the beginning. more on this later.

sub-bullet of that actually: why is arthur so old when morgan is not. what is UP with that

other sub-bullet of morgan in the beginning: her giving gawain the belt and it getting taken by the kids who mugged him. i can see it representing loss of innocence and his mother not being able to protect him anymore, but then its role switches to being a lot more symbolic later (to match its role in the poem) in a way that is confusing for the audience. more on this later as well.

re: the kids mugging him in the forest: i GUESS this symbolizes loss of innocence? maybe? but it just makes gawain look like an idiot and lengthens this part of the movie so i'm docking points.

the fox: i literally do not get the point of this from a metaphorical standpoint. literally as his guide it made sense up until the end. trying to convince him NOT to go to the chapel seemed...counterpoint to its motives up until then?

the exchanging of winnings: this is a big one because it's so crucial to the poem and like. how do you mess it up this bad while still including it. first of all lady bertilak gave him the book before the exchange was even called so to the audience it looks ridiculous. and don't even get me started on the weird camera-esque portrait!

then like. she gives him the belt on the FIRST DAY. completely fucking up the timeline here. why would you do that.

and THEN she doesn't even kiss him! she fucks gawain completely without kissing him,, so when lord bertilak kisses him it makes literally no sense from an audience standpoint. if you're gonna make it an exchange of winnings it should be an even exchange so it. makes sense? (this is where 'it makes no sense! compels me though.' applies.)

the belt fucking scene: would've been fine except lady bertilak said 'you're no knight.' this (clearly modern) interpretation of the text wasn't there at all. in the poem, the problem wasn't gawain kissing her; it was him failing to give all the winnings to lord bertilak. /that/ is what made him fail. this is actually my biggest beef with the movie's adaptation for a modern audience.

the old woman in the bertilak's castle: SO stupid. just there to make gawain (and the audience) uncomfortable. since morgan has been removed piecemeal and dropped at camelot, this old woman is useless and confusing, especially without the juxtaposition between the poet's description of her and their description of lady bertilak.

the end of the beheading game: first of all, gawain getting there early is dumb and renders the knight's three swings narratively useless

the dream sequence: narratively does a decent amount to contextualize the meaning of the green belt, but ONLY if you know where it's going. if you know that the belt is supposed to symbolize gawain's failure to complete the quest and hold his oath, it makes sense! otherwise it just seems like a belt he had sex for one time and now refuses to take off. confusing.

also i hate it as a device. wasn't good when twilight did it, isn't good here. (i don't actually remember any other movies that did this off the top of my head)

the actual end: terrible! you cut out like, the most important part of the poem: when the green knight actually explains everything, including who he is, the fact that morgan's involved and her motivations, the point of the exchange of winnings. this is further confused by the movie green knight stroking gawain's face and calling him 'his brave knight.' if you don't know that that's the guy who kissed him ten minutes ago you're even more confused now

not to mention we don't see if the green knight actually decapitates him. like i get that you're going for ambiguity here but. why.

speaking of ambiguity, it's nearly impossible to decode what's going on if you don't know the poem really well. i touched on this in the other points but. i want to call it out explicitly

things that i liked but are not worth any points:

this being Gawain's Big Break: i actually thought this fit VERY well thematically, however there were too many scenes where he was like. Suddenly Famous and Well-Regarded. the worst was at the bertilaks' castle, because in the poem they're not supposed to know about the beheading game. also this takes away the Essential Medieval Romance Trope of the knight attempting to hide their identity

gawain being just a lil bit slutty: not executed well. see the belt thing above.

the giants. they were cool but served no purpose. also why were they all hairless with boobs what was that about

the fact that gawain and lord bertilak did in fact kiss: i so desperately want to give points for this but it felt again like our modern view of sexuality speaking over the text. gawain should have given kisses freely and as part of the exchange of winnings but it felt like he Couldn't do that as the hero which was disappointing. it felt like a Big Deal when it isn't presented as such in the text.

things i am bestowing points for:

the winifred scene: unhinged and unnecessary subplot of helping a random maiden in the woods COMPLETE with a barb about how you can't ask for anything in return? talented. brilliant. incredible. amazing. showstopping. spectacular. i have no complaints about this addition.

the pronunciation of gawain's name: in college i had a professor who told us she pronounced it ga-wen when it was without the e and guh-wayne when it had the e. so props for matching that i guess

gawain's yellow cloak. i want one.

the camera shots were beautiful

the dialogue felt SO good. when it started in verse i was super excited and. throughout it really wasn't distracting? very good

costumes were not accurate even with my limited knowledge but they slapped so i don't care

I ALMOST FORGOT THE ACTING which shows how good it was. very very

tl:dr: i think overall the themes were there and it was very pretty, but i couldn't figure out WHY they changed the things they changed. also, it was largely incomprehensible to anyone who doesn't have intimate knowledge of the poem; i think that inaccessibility is a MAJOR flaw in any movie

[vegetalass]

I know you're not around much these days but if you ever decide to make a come back, I dont suppose youd do some HC about the rdr2 guys and times theyve got caught mastyrbating around camp? I love your thoughts so much they're hilarious and cute ☺👉👈

This ask is very sweet and I like the idea so I will do it... thanks for your kind words and making me smile, anon!!🥺❤️😘

Find me at @ihatebnha

Hope you enjoy!! 

-

Arthur 

Used to get caught a lot more than he does now

Because of such, Dutch and Hosea don’t really care on the rare occasion they do catch him just because it was pretty common when he was younger

They laugh about it between themselves 

And when caught, Arthur just pretends it didn’t happen

He’s like, “I don’t touch myself, Jesus, who do you think I am?” 

Or if John jokingly is like, “Saw you the other day, what were you thinking about?” Arthur just plays stupid

Stuff like “See me where?” or “See me what?” 

And if the subject is pushed it turns into fighting (Arthur saying that John isn’t much better)

Arthur thanks the lord every day that Micah has never caught him in the act because he knows he’d never be able to live it down

And if a girl caught him… he’d probably never be able to look them in the eyes again

Probably jacks off being going to sleep or if he’s alone at camp

John 

He has a lot less shame about masturbating, but he’s definitely even more private about the subject than Arthur 

He doesn’t really deny it, but he definitely pulls a “You didn’t see shit!!” Even if the person very obviously DID

Also probably gets caught more than not… It’s just at this point, people have stopped commenting on it 

Dutch definitely jokingly plays the “Poor Abigail…” card all the time

It makes John (and Abigail) sooooooooo mad 

Honestly, I feel like when people catch him, he yells at them but doesn’t bother to stop

Thinks it’s their fault and not his because it was OBVIOUS what he was doing and they still didn’t bother to check or knock

This has caused fights with almost everyone

It’s a “what did you expect” type moment

The only time he’d ever apologize to is if it’s you or another girl who catches him, and even then he would probably never want to see you again out of embarrassment 

Hence why John probably just leaves camp and finds a secluded area to jerk off now(good luck to those who wander away from the fire) 

Charles 

We love Charles because he just jerks it when he’s bathing in a river or something 

Out of everyone, he’s the least likely to get caught, and on the rare occasion that he is, is also the most willing to laugh it off 

I feel like this is because he’s the one who accidentally catches other people so he knows it’s not a big deal

He’s so quiet no one knows he’s there until it’s too late

Gets called a peeper because of this… even though Charles doesn’t want to catch people any more than they want to be caught 

If a girl caught him, he’d try to hide himself before approaching them later to formally apologize 

It’s kinda weird… Just be like Arthur and pretend it didn’t happen babe!! 

If Dutch or Micah ever caught him doodling it, they’d never let it go and tease him until wit’s end

“So Charles is human after all!” is the type of shit they’d say and he’d literally want to pass away

Dutch, Molly hasn’t had one single orgasm the entire time she’s been with you so BE QUIET

Most likely to masturbate when he’s bathing or when he’s away from camp and alone on missions

Micah

Everybody at camp has to pray that they don’t catch Micah masturbating

He has no shame and does not care what people see 

He’s the “What? I have needs!” and “You do it, too!” guy... which honestly, isn’t even bad logic

It’s just when people actually walk in on him he doesn’t really seem bothered… which is kinda freaky

If it’s you or heaven forbid, another girl, he says “Quit staring, either help a man out or leave”

And if it’s Arthur or anyone else, “I knew you were a nasty bastard”

Like… Micah… you’re the one who isn’t ashamed!!! 

Too bold for his own good and eventually Dutch probably has to get involved 

They have one of those “man to man” talks where Dutch is like “Micah… You know… Men… We keep our business in private…”

Everyone at camp pretends they’re not eavesdropping on the conversation

It’s the only time Micah listens to complaints, and even though he forces himself to calm down on the lewd rudeness, he is still jacking it off whenever the urge arises

Rubs one out in his tent whenever he feels like it

Dutch

To give Dutch credit for something, he doesn’t jack off very often 

Partially because he gets down with Molly a lot, but also because he considers himself to have dignity and doesn’t want to ruin that 

The only people who’ve really caught him rubbing one out are Hosea and Arthur, and they probably let it go pretty quick after an apology

Most because Dutch is pretty polite about it 

“A man’s business is a man’s business” or some BS like that 

So when he does masturbate, it’s a calculated and timed move that he makes when he’s pretty sure no one is around

Also willing to laugh it off when he catches someone else masturbating, mostly because he raised two teenage boys, so in a way, he’s used to seeing it on the daily

God forbid is another girl catches him, though, because he’d also pull them aside to apologize

LET IT GO, KING!!! 

Jerks off only when he’s desperate and camp is empty

Kieran

King of bad luck 

I can see him with a pretty low libido, but probably gets caught making juice the first time he tries it at camp

He was lucky it was just Charles who saw, who thankfully, didn’t say anything about it

But still, it scares the absolute crap out of him and his desire to jack off gets even lower than it was already 

Probably stupidly thinks that masturbating is dirty or a sin or something that somebody told him when he was a boy

And if a girl ever caught him, even if they didn’t realize what was happening, he’d just have a heart attack and die

Like he’d literally pack up his stuff and go

Everyone at camp: We’ve all seen Micah twisting it so we don’t care

Kieran: UHHHHH 

Also gets teased by Micah and Dutch for it, except their comments are like “Aw, don’t be shy, be a man!” or “I’m sure you’ll find yourself a woman one day…”

Again, Kieran just passes away

Jerks off when he’s alone with the horses in a field and no one is around

Javier 

Hasn’t been caught yet despite the fact that everyone knows he jacks off ALL THE TIME

Kinda proud of himself for this fact, too 

If it’s the middle of the day and he’s in his tent, he’s busy

Usually can his volume to a minimum, but if he knows no one is around, he doesn’t mind letting it out 

Charles, of course, hears it the one time he’s not on a team mission

He’d definitely not going to stop is someone catches him, but he has the decency to cover himself up

Especially if it’s a lady

We like him because he’s not going to acknowledge it happened later but he will apologize in the moment 

Says some shit like, “Sorry, princess…” jdsfhksd

If another guy tries to tease him for it, he’ll take it in stride and just tease back 

Especially because he knows he’s not as bad as Micah or John who get caught ALL THE TIME 

Prefers to rub one out before bed but he’s not really picky as long as it’s in his tent and he has a way to clean up

Sean 

Everyone’s had a run in with Sean when his dick’s been out 

It’s practically a camp joke that everyone has a story about it

He’s another guy who jacks off when bathing in the river, except he’s:

1. Not secretive about it

2. Bathes all the time

Sean leaves the water hole and everyone knows that they shouldn’t go back in there until the water is washed away 

Pretty vocal, too, so you always sorta know when you should avoid certain areas

The only time he’s ever embarrassed is when a girl catches him

Turns bright red, starts stuttering, looking for anything to cover himself up with while apologizing

That being said, he only feels bad because he feels like he ruined his chances of being friendly with them

Gets teased by the other boys for it but enjoys the attention, plus loves teasing right back

“Oh hush you, you love looking at me,” type stuff 

He’s a lil nasty but he keeps it fun and fresh 

Jacks off before bathing, and sometimes in his tent if he’s desperate or is already clean. 

[xpao-bearx]

《This story series is also on my AO3 acc @ Paoloca》

SUMMARY: The bachelors of Selphia conjure up a plan to decide who truly deserves the beautiful princess' heart...if Frey can only choose one of them, that is.

PAIRINGS: Frey x Vishnal, Frey x Kiel, Frey x Doug, Frey x Arthur, Frey x Dylas, Frey x Leon (Polyamorous Ships)

RATING: Mature/18+/Romance & Smut. Please bear these in mind if you are uncomfortable and do NOT report!

NOTE: I have been an avid fan and lover of the Rune Factory series for a looong fooken time now and with RF 5 coming up (who else can't wait?!?!) along with my bursting inspiration, I decided to do something a lil special~ 💖

This story is actually one I wrote--or at least TRIED to write as I didn't finish it--many years ago on my old Wattpad acc (I have a new one now). As such, I'm taking the basic plotline from the original idea I had and simply making it a bit better especially now that I'm older + more mature (pfft yeah sure "mAtUrE" xD).

I sincerely and deeply love ALL of the amazing bachelors on RF 4 and as someone who absolutely ✨A D O R E S✨ reverse harems, I really *personally* don't think that Frey has to choose! And so, here's a naughty + sweet story that'll kinda just delve into my--and I'm sure others'--fantasy ;)

I hope ya lovelies will enjoy this story series and your wonderful support is always very much appreciated! 🥺💕💕 Also, feel free to fangirl/fanboy with me anytime~

P.S. Please forgive mah pathetic ass in advance if I ever portray any of the characters wrong, I promise to do my best!!

"The Princess' Harem"

Part 1: The Game

☆ALL CREDIT GOES TO THE TALENTED ARTIST☆

Summer 1, the dawn of a sweltering season. But most of all...

Beach Day!

Ah, yes, a most wonderful holiday to take a dip in the refreshing water and don the most attractive swimsuits that perfectly hugged one's form! And while it was understandable for the gentlemen to gawk and admire the lovely ladies, it seemed that all the bachelors of Selphia were completely ensnared by one warrior princess in particular...

Frey's tinkly laughter carried in the air as she happily swam around in the lake with the other girls. It was certainly a gorgeous day, yet none could quite rival the turquoise haired beauty's radiant smile.

"Haa... The princess is SO beautiful~" Vishnal sighed dreamily, his violet eyes turning into hearts.

"A goddess among mere mortals!" Kiel piped up cutely.

"You guys are so lame! But, uh... Y-Yeah, I agree, I guess." Doug conceded, face flushing as scarlet as his hair.

"I am a man, after all. Therefore, I must say I agree as well." Arthur cleared his throat, propping his glasses.

"You are all perverts..." Dylas grumbled, though he couldn't help but shyly sneak a peek at Frey.

"My, my~ You're such a bad liar, horsie. Calling us perverts when you, yourself, are one~" Leon chuckled, smirking.

"Who're ya calling horsie?!" Dylas snapped, but couldn't start an argument when all of them heard a splash and saw Frey emerge onto shore.

"Princess!" Vishnal beamed, not wasting a single second as he dashed towards her with a towel much like an excited puppy. "Are you done swimming?"

Frey gratefully took the towel, wiping her drenching body with it. "Yes, I am! And once I change into my clothes, I'm going to be checking the requests."

"You're ever so diligent, Frey. I truly admire that about you." Arthur smiled as he and the rest of the boys approached their beloved girlfriend. Arthur's glasses then flashed as the sun reflected on them, and he quickly grabbed that splendid opportunity for his gaze to drop and hyperfocus on Frey's nearly naked body. He barely managed to suppress it as he almost shamelessly licked his lips, fully taking in and very much appreciating her wet and fit physique.

"Oh, it's nothing! I'm only doing my duties." Frey giggled, embarrassed as her cheeks tinted pink. "But other than that, how come you guys aren't in your swimsuits? It's boiling!" She frowned worriedly.

"Why, is milady that eager to see me in all my glory?" Leon purred, standing in front of her in a flash. His teal eyes sparkled mischievously, as one of his hands reached forward to run his fingers through her long hair. "If you want to see me that badly, I'd rather 'perform' a private show for you tonight~"

Frey became as red as a ruby, opening and closing her mouth repeatedly like a fish out of water. She tried to speak, but no words came out as she could only stare up with eyes as wide as dinner plates at an amused Leon who was enjoying this situation far too much.

"Oi, knock it off!" Dylas growled, wrapping a protective arm around Frey as he glared sharply at Leon. "She's gonna go fishing with me after she's done, anyways!"

"WHAT?! No fair, you can't hog her all to yourself! If you guys are going fishing then I'm going, too!" Doug huffed, snatching Frey away from Dylas.

"No way, you dumbass dwarf! You're not invited!"

"Well, I am now, you fucking nag!"

As the two handsome idiots bickered like an old married couple and fought over Frey, she could only release an exasperated sigh. Honestly, she loved them both, but there was really no use trying to talk any sense into them. The best anyone could do was just wait it out until they inevitably get tired.

But as Doug and Dylas were yanking Frey from one side to another like a ragdoll, they suddenly stopped. It seems that everyone else halted, too, and the air blew bitter cold. Frey, oblivious, could only raise a brow before she finally realized--or more like felt--what all the boys were staring at.

She looked down, Doug and Dylas' hands accidentally cupping each one of Frey's breasts. All of the boys were a thousand shades of crimson, and Vishnal even started to have a nosebleed.

"ACK! S-Sorry..!" Doug and Dylas exclaimed in unison, abruptly pulling their hands away as if they were burned.

"O-Oh, uh, it's f-fine..!" Frey stuttered, not being able to meet anyone's gaze. "I-It was just an accident, after all!"

"Are you sure you're alright, Frey?" Kiel asked, holding her hands into his gently as he studied her face in concern. "These lowlifes didn't hurt you, did they?" It was rare for Kiel to be angry let alone badmouthing anyone, but it was clear from his tone how upset he was. Honestly, Doug and Dylas were a little scared...

"Y-Yes, I'm alright!" Frey nodded vigorously, smiling brightly. "Seriously, guys, don't worry about me! I'll see you all later, okay?" She hurriedly gave each one of them a chaste peck on the cheek before making her way back to the castle.

"So..." Leon began, a fake smile plastered on his lips as his eyes held no emotion. "I wonder who the true perverts are now?"

"H-Hey, it was an accident! Besides, it's all this moron's fault!" Dylas retorted, pointing an accusatory finger at Doug.

"MY fault?! If you just invited me in the first place, none of this would've happened!" Doug shouted furiously.

"You guys...touched...the princess' b-b-breasts..." Vishnal muttered, totally lost in his own world as he was slowly deteriorating from existence.

"Oh, my..." Arthur let out a heavy exhale. "I'm sure you two already know this, but as soon as Frey is done with her tasks then you both must apologize to her again. Accident or not, it is completely unacceptable for a man to touch a woman without her consent."

"Hey, y'know, I've been wondering..." Kiel cut in. "Do you guys ever think if Frey is just being strung along by us?"

"What do you mean?" Doug frowned.

"Like, didn't we confess to Frey at different times? And at every confession, she rejected all of us. And later on, it was only then we found out that we all shared the same feelings for her."

"So, what's your point?" Dylas pressed.

Kiel sighed, staring pointedly at the taller man. "Don't you find it a bit weird that now, we're all in a relationship with her? I know that being in a polyamorous relationship with Frey was something we all consented on from the very beginning, but why the sudden change of heart?"

"Isn't it obvious? Being in a polyamorous relationship means that Frey likes all of us at the same time, which is fine. Maybe she was just too shy at first to admit it." Leon shrugged.

"That may be true, or...what if she's only with us out of pity?" A wave of realization washed through everyone, and a certain pang of sadness settled in their hearts. "Frey is such a nice person, it's possible she only agreed to be with us since she felt bad for rejecting us. And now, she doesn't know how to break up with us for fear of hurting us even more."

"There's also one other possibility..." Arthur spoke up. "What if she actually likes one of us, but can't exclusively date that person?"

Dead silence. Only the faint sounds of the lake thrashing and birds chirping, before Vishnal was the one who first woke up back to reality.

"So... What are we supposed to do?" He questioned softly. "I feel so terrible... If what you're saying is true, then I don't want to continue on like this. I love Frey, but I can't ever bear the thought of hurting her!"

"How about a game?" Leon suggested.

"Now's really not the time, foxy." Doug rolled his eyes.

"No, no. You've misunderstood." Leon shook his head. "I'm talking about a game to see who Frey truly likes or doesn't like. And that way, we won't have to be hurting her and suffering like this anymore."

"Hmm... An interesting proposition." Arthur hummed thoughtfully. "I don't quite like referring to this as a 'game', but colour me intrigued. What's your idea, then?"

"Alright. So, we each get one whole day to spend with Frey. Completely alone, and no one is allowed to bother anyone else. As long as Frey is okay with it, then we can do whatever we want with her. Going on dates, exploring...you get the idea. Finally, by the end of the week, we'll all ask her how she feels and who she had the most fun with. Her answer will then determine what will happen afterwards."

"Hmph. Okay, that sounds good." Dylas nodded, agreeing for once. "How can we settle who goes first and last, though?"

"I think it would only be fair if we go in the order that Frey met us. So it's Vishnal, me, Doug, Arthur, Dylas, and then Leon." Kiel offered.

"All in favour?" Arthur asked, and everyone collectively voiced out their approval. "Good. It's settled, then. May the best man win!"

"Speaking of, I forgot that the castle is undergoing construction! So please excuse me, I'll have to get going now!" Vishnal grinned, disappearing in a blink of an eye.

"Wait... I just visited Ventuswill earlier with Granny Blossom." Doug furrowed his brows before gasping. "That bastard..! He went to go have a headstart with Frey!" He immediately chased after the conniving butler, but not before his shoulder got bumped hard by Dylas.

"If anyone's gonna get a headstart, it's me!"

"Oh, shut the hell up, HORSIE!"

Arthur sighed deeply, rubbing his temples stressfully as Kiel only chuckled sheepishly. Leon simply watched the scene, his fan hiding his smirk.

'There is a saying: Save the best for last~' Leon thought satisfyingly to himself.

[unholyplumpprincess]

Let It Go

For someone who wishes to be remain anonymous!!! Went a lil overboard so the drabble turned into a fic.

Summary: Bloodhound loves playing their game with you, you know the rules, always do. You will be chased through the forest, as usual, survive an hour and you can do whatever you want to them. Get caught within the hour? Well, Hound gets to do whatever they want to you. This time is so different, you get caught, you lose, but maybe having so much water before you ran wasn't such a good idea.

Reblogs > Likes. Have you age in your bio (18+ only) before interacting. If you do not, you will be blocked.

Fandom: Apex Legends

Relationship: Bloodhound/Reader

Warnings: R18+/NSFT, Reader is a trans male whose parts are referred to as hole/cock, watersports but just the desperation part and actually Going, Bloodhound’s infamous werewolf strap makes a come back, primal play + chase kink!

Words: 2k

_______________

A game.  

That’s what Bloodhound always called it, eyes raking your form where they sat on the kitchen counter, ankles crossed and their hand tossing their hunting knife. To anyone else, it would appear like motor motions, an absentminded toss. But you knew that gleam in their golden eye, how their pupil narrows needle thin in that predatory little look. A tilt to their head, their curls of crimson pulled up into a ponytail and the ringlets making them look more like a hungry lion by the second.  

“Do...do I get a head start?” You had asked, your voice already shaking as you play with your hands, trying not to make eye contact with them. You hear their boots hit the ground, taking measured steps towards you before that knife they had been tossing taps under your chin. Guiding your gaze up from the floor to meet their hungry one.  

“Of course, my love. Our safe words are still in play- I trust you remember our normal rules?” They’d crooned out softly, tapping your chin once more as your lips quiver. They drew their blade back when you nod furiously. You were only clothed in your comfortable lounge clothing from earlier, your big hoodie and your jeans, sneakers on your feet. You could run in this- better than when they asked you when you were clad in nothing the last time. You had a feeling it was to humiliate you- and boy did it work.  

“Then run, litli kanína. Pray my teeth do not take a bite now.”  

~Rest under the cut~

And you’d ran. You had run straight out the back door of your cottage on your little homestead. Hiatus from the games made this sort of play easy. Bloodhound had always gotten more playful when you two were alone, more free and less that face of stoicism they put on when around others. Including events like this.  

It had to have been twenty minutes later, you think you’ve gotten a pretty good head start by now. They’d always take that time to gather what they wanted to use on you in a bag, you never knew what was inside or what was planned. You pant heavily as you lean against a tree, perking your ears and trying to listen for any of the crunching leaves around you or any sticks. Any indicator that they were close. When you hear nothing, you heave out a sigh, slumping back against the tree.   

Hey, maybe you’d actually win this one! And then if you got the hour completed, that meant Bloodhound would be yours to---  

Your thoughts are cut off when you hear the soft croak of Arthur overhead. Perched on a branch and tilting his head down at you. You slowly tilt your head up to look at him, the blue tinge on his feathers a clear sign of who that was. You swallow thickly. “Uh- hey, baby, uhm. You aren’t just...following me for fun now, are you?” Praying he just followed you to see what you were doing.  

As if understanding you, his head tilts the opposite way, lifting his head up and cawing loud and high. You swear loudly, bolting away from the tree as soon as you hear the crunching of leaves. Arthur doesn’t make it easy on you, swooping to your right so you’re herded to the left, forcing you out of the thicket of trees and into a small clearing. Your only warning is a snarl before arms snatch around your waist, tumbling you both to the ground as you yelp like a wounded dog in surprise.  

When Bloodhound rolls on top of you, they pin your hands under their knees, straddling your waist with their chest heaving and a grin across their full lips to reveal their double canines. Glinting in the moonlight overhead dangerously. “You are getting better at running, little one. You are getting wiser.” They praise honestly, their hand coming to grab your chin, tilting your head this way and that to see your flushed face and how you pant. You don’t miss the hum of appreciation in their throat, and you can’t help but glow in pride at their praise.  

--  

You end up on all fours, already two orgasms in from Bloodhound’s hands and tongue alone. They don’t tie you up like you expect, but you are unclothed from the waist down, allowed to stay in your hoodie and socks like you preferred. Your neck has various bites and bruises, you’re sure you have red scratches down your sides and hips too. Your ass had to be red from their constant smacking too, keeping you in the fuzzy headspace with your face buried into your crossed arms.  

You don’t know their state right now, but you know they have their favorite strap on harnessed around their hips right now. The thick, red, tapered knotted cock slick with lubricant and your hole stretched around it. It was all going great! You’re shaking, whimpering underneath them, their hands squeezing your hips and murmuring filthy and sweet things to you alike as their hips only gently hump to let you adjust to the size. The knot, as thick as their fist, nudging against the rim of your hole but never pressing past what you couldn’t take yet.  

But you uh- well you uh feel a pressure in your lower abdomen. Not from a close orgasm either. It’s making you squirm with each thrust into you, which they take as a good sign with an eager growl and yanking you back hard. The sudden pressure almost breaks and you have to swallow a low whimper, sounding like a pathetic groan before you choke out, “Y-yellow-”  

Immediately Bloodhound’s hips freeze, pulling back and out of you, you nearly thank the gods for the relief of pressure. Their hands ghost over your hips, petting instead of clawing, gently stroking you to soothe whatever must have harmed you. “Are you alright? Is it too much? What is it, beloved?” Their voice concerned as ever. So sweet to you.  

Your face is flushed so red, feeling so ashamed as you bury your face in one arm, mumbling out so quietly against your cloth. “I...I need to pee- ”  

“What was that, my love?” Bloodhound questions you, settling back on their knees and their hand soothingly cupping your ass. Their freezing skin soothing the redness and burning from their prior slaps.  

“I need to go pee—u-uh, really bad...” You murmur out louder, tilting your head so your mouth wasn’t against your arm. You manage to peek at them out of the corner of your eye, feeling how red your face is and hoping they’d take the hint. Give you a moment of peace to maybe relieve yourself behind a tree or you two could head home. Things like this happened all the time! Nothing weird, you weren’t embarrassed to admit you had to go-- or well, you were, actually, but not ashamed of it. And besides, Bloodhound was always so  accommodating , they would probably just let you go around the corner and---  

Your thoughts are paused when you hear a breathy, soft chuckle behind you. That little noise they made when they were aroused.  

Oh???  

“Oh, my sweet boy,” Bloodhound sighs out, leaning close to your ear to nip the burning tip and murmuring just as quiet. “Was that all?”  

You feel their hand slide under you, their other hand steadied against your ass to keep you still. Your entire body trembles, a whimper stabbing from your throat when their hand presses on your lower abdomen, no pressure at first, just holding there. You think they’re waiting for your go ahead, and you quietly give a curt nod, squeaking out a quiet ‘green’.  

Their hand presses and your throat  lets  out a low, whining groan as they croon out to you. “Look at you, you feel so full. And yet, I have not gotten to fill you myself yet.” Bloodhound sighs, the hand that had been cupping your ass moving until three fingers can easily slide into you. It does not help to distract you from the pressure, only aiding in your squirming and your whimpering of their name under your breath as their fingers fuck into you. “Do you want a release?”  

“Ngh - yes! Yes, please, I can’t-- Hound, please-” You’re quick to plead out, trembling with each curl of their fingers searching deep in you. When they pull out, you whimper out, pressing your chest down to the forest floor and curling your fingers against the grass. Forcing your ass up higher where you feel them rub the tapered head across your hole once again, nudging your engorged cock.  

“Then go.”  

Your face burns at the implication they’re making. You’re embarrassed to admit you’d thought of a scenario like this, too embarrassed to tell them. A strained whine eases out past your lips when they ease their cock back into you, pressing deep into you until you feel that pressure and you’re pleading again without thinking. “B-but—I can’t, not here, I-I- I can’t -”  

“You can. And you will.” Bloodhound snarls out, thrusting into you harder, pounding into you as the knot pounds against your hole without penetrating you yet. You scream out as the pressure in you begins to build, clawing at the ground as they fuck into you with long, hard strokes like they do when they intend to breed you. Each thrust drawing a louder and higher pitched moan from you.  

“F-fuck—no, no, n-no-  nononono -  hhh - god- Hound, Hound --” You sob out, feeling halfway through your sobs when heat pierces through you and you hear and feel the wetness coming from you. The pressure slowly being alleviated and making your eyes roll into the back of your head, tears spilling down your cheeks in red hot embarrassment and drool spilling down your chin. Your orgasm follows closely after, followed by Bloodhound slamming their hips into you to  knot  you completely.  

You’re carefully pulled up to their chest. Their arm crossing over you, a hand resting over your pounding hard as your back is flush with their chest. Pulled to your knees to avoid your mess in the dirt and stay attached to them. You’re a mess of tremors as your hands cling to their arm, tilting your head to the side and back to let them press soft kisses over your face, finally meeting your trembling lips to soothe you.  

“Good boy, shhh, you did well, I am here. You are safe.” Bloodhound’s voice lulls you, their other hand stroking over your abdomen, down to your cock and framing it with their middle and index finger. You’re gently stroked, whimpers choking from your throat and your eyes blurry with tears as you contract around the knot. Sensitivity wringing out one more orgasm from you, weak and only causing you to grunt when you feel yourself pulsing with it.  

You slump back against them, earning you a gentle kiss to your temple where you feel their smile against you. You can’t help but smile back, tired and still high from your hot embarrassment. But they just keep praising you. ‘Such a good boy’ ‘My sweet little one’ ‘How you sang for me was beautiful’.  

It lulls you to rest. And you awake however long later clothed, warmed, and in bed with your head in Bloodhound’s lap who reads a book overhead, stroking your hair. Letting you catch the gold band around their left ring finger that makes you tiredly smile, pressing your face back into their thigh with an appreciative hum.  

Maybe you don’t mind losing their games after all.  

[urmomsstuntdouble]

i hope this helps you in your ranting/rambling mood! im curious about what hetalia canon you’d change, if any, and why. alternatively, what canon do you wish the fandom would pay more attention to?

1thanks for the ask! sorry this is so late btw, i sort of had to be Out and About today, but i do have many thoughts. i hope this is to your liking :)

 so the first thing that comes to mind is how infuriating the canon ages are. i dont think hima put very much thought into how ages work, or maybe he tweaked it to fit a specific character without considering the internal logic of the series at large. what he did was make it so that every character is about the same age during the modern day, and painted himself into a corner where ages need to be traced backwards from the present day, if that makes sense. like he wants everyone to be in their teens or 20s but not all countries are the same “age” if you can say that..idk, like how china and america could be confused for being the same age when china is like 25 times older than him. and this sort of results in some anachronisms (which, anachronisms and misinformation are inevitable when you try to personify countries because you’re just one person writing your interpretation of history and you have biases and whatnot, which is why its important for fans to DO YOUR RESEARCH) or just weird inconsistent stuff like america being the same age during the revolution as he is in the present day and also the entirity of chibitalia.

chibitalia makes absolutely no sense beyond a narrative perspective, and the narrative didnt even need children for it to be good. im also especially annoyed by chibitalia because it serves as proof that himaruya doesnt care about the internal logic of age in hetalia. factors such as “strength-” which i assume to mean military power- the economy, political stability, and cultural identity are what seem to be the driving forces behind the nations’ ages. so let’s take a look at chibitalia through those lenses. if we’re talking military power in the time frame of chibitalia, which im taking to be the early modern period (1500-1800), but it really could be When Fucking Ever during the hapsburg rule of northern italy. the papal states managed to organize and carry out several crusades to recapture jerusalem, and despite none of them being successful and also occasionally resulting in wars against the turks, it does take a lot to consistently organize and carry out that sort of military action without having what we today would consider a politically unified country. this is sort of acknowledged in canon, although its more of an offhanded mention thats brought up once and then never mentioned again, when turkey says that italy kicked his ass one time a couple hundred years ago. concerning the economy, italy’s economy during the early modern period was off the shits, actually. the whole. renaissance thing? although john green raises an interesting point of Did The Renaissance Actually Happen, its a convenient name for the time period, so we’re going with it. and especially where venice is concerned, seeing as venice was one of the wealthiest city states in the entire country, and i believe veneto still is. and then there’s political stability- this is an interesting one because it can be interpreted in different ways both in and out of the hetalia canon. for example, former soviet states are depicted as being younger, despite many of them being very old countries, and america and canada are depicted as babies during the colonial period- even though the colonies basically governed themselves with little oversight from the british crown. this also applies to moldova, who is referenced as being a fierce warrior by hungary when she’s a kid- about 1000 years ago- and is still depicted as being a 12 year old in the modern day. i think where chibitalia is concerned, hima used the control of northern italy by the hapsburg dynasty and the holy roman empire to mean that there was a lack of political strength for the northern italian city states, but! the final say in all matters belonged to the church. it had been like that for hundreds of years, and the church was very much not a design of the hre or the hapsburg dynasty. the church was kind of in greater control over the hre and the hapsburgs than the actual monarchs (until 1648) at some points, which i think would make italy a bit more politically strong than austria or hre. not that he’d be a whole adult or anything, more that they’d all be around the same age physically- or even that austria would be younger! and of course the italian cultural identity was long since formed. because of all that i dont think it makes any goddamn sense for italy to be a child- and of course this also applies to romano, who’s mostly representing naples and sicily. some things are different of course due to the north/south split, but most of this does apply to both. 

anyway, i also think that america’s age makes no sense. i love america as a teenager, i really do. teenagers scare the living shit out of me and america is teenagers. but the way that he ages is totally historically inaccurate. so he’s a child during the 7 years war? cool. why does he age like a regular human during the interwar period leading up to the revolutionary war? yes america was politically stable yes the south was filthy fucking rich off slave labor, but where’s the american cultural identity? nonexistent. the military might? there is no american military in 1750. so yes america should be a little older than a child, but he shouldn’t be the same adult he is in 1780 that he is in ww2 and in the modern day strips. i think this was done because it might be a lil fucked to have grown ass england be fighting a tween in the revolutionary war strips, although i say lean into that fucked-ness. of course thats just me, although i do think it might be more narratively impactful if arthur was an adult and alfred was a child during the revolutionary war strips, and more accurate. i think 11-14 is a good age, because at the time of the revolution, the states were more like their own countries, and no one particularly had an allegiance to america, they just had an allegiance against britain. people didnt really consider themselves americans over their state until after the war of 1812 (which ended in 1815), so him being middle-school aged at that point in time would really be interesting. kind of like an identity crisis, ya know? because it was, in all honesty, an identity crisis- who were the people of these united states (these united states is the og name)? n e whay, yeah. age is stupid and theres more characters i could talk about but id be here all night and i am tired! 

as for something i wish got more attention by fans, i think just all the weird shit. like they truly are Weird People, absolutely no sex appeal. anyway. im gonna go to sleep now, hope that was a cool answer! 

[whatsmylaneagain]

Amethyst - Third Chapter

Pairing: Eggsy x Agent!Reader

Word count: 1960 (a big one!!! Yay!!!)

Warnings: swearing, Roxy mention (bc she deserved more), reader’s character being a rebellious lil shit, Eggsy being kinda dumb (oh well this is all kinda narrated by his point of view, there’s no way to not expect that, right?!)

Chapter synopsis: so, we know that the bomb had Eggsy’s name on it, but.... what the hell is actually happening?

A/N: GUYS IM BACK AND IM SORRY!!!! I’ve written (and revised) this more than six months ago, but I absolutely hated how I made Eggsy a dumb character, so I spent all this months putting this story aside to fix it later... but I love it so much and this week I watched Spies are Forever and oh well.... idk, its been too long, but I’m posting this anyway.

Amethyst masterlist

Eggsy didn’t expect to find another person other than Harry and Merlin at the Kingsman’s meeting room. And what he definitely didn’t expect was for the person to be a beautiful Chinese woman laughing and having a drink with Harry Hart. The young man felt like he was invading a private moment, and had the sudden urge to grab y/n by the arm to show her the new victorian-style sconces he chosen for the rebuilt hallway.

But before he could say anything, y/n had already tapped the doorpost, making their presence known. The middle-aged woman talking to Harry glanced at the two young agents, giving the girl a sly smile. 

“I’m glad to know you didn’t punch Mr. Unwin on your way here, y/n” she said, as Eggsy went straight for his chair on Harry’s right side.

“I would’ve if you didn’t send me that text” The girl had moved to the woman’s side, backing up to the wall for support. She never made mention of pulling a chair.

“Well, y/n, I take as you already know Harry.” Said the woman, gesturing to the older man, who smiled sweetly. Yes, that’s right. Harry SMILED.

“Of course, The Great Harry Hart, the man of a thousand missions;” when Eggsy thought he couldn’t get more confused, y/n pulled this. “Everybody at the headquarters knows who you are.” And some - fucking – how, she sounded genuine, and not witty or arrogant as she appeared to be. Was that… admiration?

Seeing Eggsy’s confused expression, the older woman gave him a small smile, welcoming, but not too sweet; just like an agent is used to do.

“Galahad, I’m Yijun, or as my agents – or people who can’t bother to learn how to pronounce it - call me, Circe. I’m the head of Amethyst, the agency that y/n works for.”

Eggsy must have looked very confused, because Harry intervened, while pouring two more drinks, giving him one and sliding the other across the table, towards y/n.

“Yijun is an old friend, we met some weeks after she came from China. I was already a Kingsman, and was trying to bring her into the organization – just like I did with you – when she was recruited as an Amethyst trainee.”

“You knew?” Started Eggsy, a little bit of irritation shaping his words. After agent Whiskey, he knew better than not to trust Harry. But he couldn’t help the feeling of being a pawn. “Why did you let me go after her then?”

“I didn’t know the agent who saved you was y/n. All I knew was that she was an Amethyst, since the intervention was fast and clean.”

“-almost clean;” Yijun turned her chair to y/n, who was taking a sip out of her drink, still leant against the wall. “If Morgan’s work were perfect, you wouldn’t be able to find her.”

“Nobody’s perfect, but I try my best.” She shrugged. “’m still your best agent tho.”

“Please,” Merlin entered the room, an IPad in hands, ready to the briefing. “put the blame on me for being able to hack into almost anything, including London’s surveillance cameras. She did a wonderful job.”

Merlin stopped right in front of y/n, extending his hand for a handshake. She grabbed it immediately.

“Miss Le Fay. Hope our codenames won’t be a problem.” 

“I don’t see why, Sir Merlin. The witch from who I borrowed my name could very easily have been Merlin’s apprentice.”

No awkward pressure thing, from what Eggsy could see. Why were his interactions with her so bloody awful? For god’s sake, y/n was joking with Merlin!

It took him a moment to remember what history the two were referring to: Morgan Le Fay was a witch in King Arthur’s story, from where Kingsman got their codenames. Depending on the version, she can be portrayed as Merlin’s enemy, responsible for the death of King Arthur or as a powerful good woman, that had healing powers and could shape shift. For an organization like Amethyst, Eggsy supposed the second option was the one they had in mind.

Merlin greeted Yijun with a respectful “ma’am” before selecting something on his device, the projection of a document showing up on the wall above y/n.

“The techs over Amethyst sent us their reports on missing people, and turns out the man who you two,” Merlin looked at Eggsy and y/n. “saw is Adrian Bell. Seven months ago, he apparently went on a trip to India, but his family didn’t hear about him after he left. He never showed up on the airport camera footage.”

“So... he planned to disappear?” Interfered Eggsy.

“Apparently, yes. But there’s a problem.” Merlin changed the projection, it now being a series of pictures, especially ones where Bell hugged his family tightly, his wife crying, and his kids glued to his leg. It looked like a reunion. “He doesn’t remember anything and woke up asking for his family. His last memory was being in a bar and passing out. He thinks that he was in an alcoholic coma.”

Eggsy was about to ask a lot of questions, but Merlin had started talking again, while taking two Kingsman’s RayBans out of his pocket, giving each woman a pair. 

“I’ve made a partnership with the group of cooperative organizations led by Amethyst, also called D.E.A.R; Diamond, Emerald and Amethyst Relations -” Introduced Merlin, but Eggsy wasn’t really paying much attention to him. 

Instead, he was observing y/n, who hesitantly spun the glasses in her hands, analysing it, differently from Yijun, who just put them on right away. Her mouth twitched on the side, and she started to bite her tongue, as if trying to distract and put herself together. Y/n put them on, but kept looking down for some seconds, before fixing her posture and raising her head, crossing her arms, still leant against the wall on one shoulder.

It was quite weird seeing y/n wearing the glasses. Even though she had noting that could possibly remind him of Roxy, Eggsy couldn’t stop the deja vu of his best friend. A sad smile adorned his lips. He missed her.

A Kingsman-style hologram of a young 16-year-old girl appeared sitting on one of the chairs, big extravagant round sunglasses framing her face along with bright pink streaks on her brown hair. Although she was a teenager (and dressed like one, in a jean jacket and a white tee that said “girl power” in red), she sat perfectly straight, very professionally.

“Good evening, gentlemen. I’m Tonks, Emerald’s tech and field agent. I just came back from an information gathering mission.” which, as a previous Emerald’s agent, y/n knew was just a fancy description for attending parties. Nothing too dangerous, especially for Emerald’s missions, that were more based in socialization and keeping an eye on people. Actually, y/n was impressed that Tonks had something substantial to report (especially to Kingsman) in a high school party. “A group of unmatchable individuals seems to be working together, all of them acting really uncharacteristic and very patronized. I detected the group spiking other teen’s drinks. I managed to intervene and get a sample of it. Agent Spellman also reported a strange movement, alike the one I observed, with a college group. We sent the samples to our biotechs, and the lab concluded it was a modified Mikey Pinn.” The girl grabbed her phone and sent something, the IPhone message sound reverberating through the room. “Now you have access to our outhouse cameras, Merlin.” 

Merlin quickly changed the projection above y/n to eight squares of video that showed each teen in one small room, some asleep on the beds, some walking around nervously, and one passed out on the floor. Tonks started talking again.

“Spellman and I brought the group of high school and college students to our outhouse. Whatever drug they’re on soon will wear off, and then we’ll be able to analyse what happened to them.”

“Was that the first ever occurrence on your field, Tonks?” Asked Yijun, and then turned to the Kingsman’s, explaining; “Emerald agents that work on high schools usually only have to get in action to stop violence and abuse at their missions. Situations like what we’re dealing with right now is uncharacteristic.”

“No, Boss. Some students stopped going to classes suddenly, but we checked: they all were confirmed on exchange programs abroad. Apparently, they never went.”

Y/n wasn’t leant on the wall anymore. She’d walked to the table, bent over it, hands open, pressed on the cold wood, all her attention on Tonks. Tension.

“Who were the kids? High school and college. Why choose them?” She said.

Tonks flipped through her phone, messaging Merlin more documents - the ring once again filling the room - before answering.

“A rugby player, two perfect grade kids and a foreign student were the high school kids. Apparently, it’s a pattern: physically strong people and awarded students that stand out for their knowledge of exact sciences.”

“Have you tracked were they were drugged the first time?” Continued y/n.

“Not yet, but...”

“I did;” said Merlin, suddenly, typing on his IPad.

A new image showed up on the wall. The front of a bar that looked like it used to be fancy ten years ago. Now, the paint was coming off the walls, and the huge opaque black doors were rusted, chains and a big old padlock kept them closed. It had no name on the outside, only a broken light up waning crescent moon, just the inferior part working, shining in a weak yellow light.

Eggsy knew the place. Actually, every teen and young adult in London knew Moonz: the flat broke bar that let underage kids come in and drink. You didn’t even need a fake ID, they would pretend to not be able to do math and let kids in. In some months, it became domain of teens, turning into a considerably safe place for them to get drunk and party. Also, it was the cheapest place to get booze.

But the underage drinking caused a bigger problem; since it was illegal, the neighbourhood didn’t have a lot of cops because the owner kept them away. Consequently, Moonz’s location became a centre of violence, kidnapping, and other heavy crimes.

The young Galahad saw y/n turn to the projection in slow motion, the act of being casual being thrown out of the window. For Eggsy, she looked like a robot who got rebooted and installed a completely different system of command. When she spoke again, her voice was strong and deep.

“Tonks, do you know when it started?”

“It?” Asked Eggsy. 

“The kidnappings.” Y/n answered. “The fact that they were drugging others looks like it was a kidnapping system. In this context, those kids were “recruiting” more teens.” 

Tonks checked her phone.

“No, Morgan. We couldn’t track it. They apparently are the first ones to come back.”

“Shit.” Y/n paced around the room. “Boss, permission to do an observation and protection mission at Moonz.”

“Permission granted” nodded Yijun “take Galahad with you.”

“Yi, I don’t think the gentlemen can pass as a teenager.” Y/n had stopped walking. She looked straight into Eggsy’s eyes. “With all due respect...”

Yijun shook her head. 

“You know there are other ways to get him inside undercover.”

Y/n ran her fingers through her hair, taking a deep breath. Eggsy could almost hear her thinking “Fuck. Fine.”.

“C’mon Galahad, we’ve got a job to do.”

Eggsy and Y/n were almost out of the room when Yijun called her agent again.

“Oh and Y/n.” The girl turned around. “Don’t engage. I’ll send Emerald agents to protect the kids, but you and Galahad can’t have your covers blown up. Do. Not. Engage. Do you understand?”

All Y/n did was nod slightly.

If you made it to here, thank you so much! I hope it was worth your time! Some feedback would be appreciated, I really wanted to see if you liked this (dumb) Eggsy I’m presenting.... If you don’t want to be in the taglist anymore, I totally understand! Just message me :)

Also!!!! Feel free to message me any questions about the fic and this chapter! I have some fun reasons for choosing those codenames and Diamond, Emerald and Amethyst as the names for the organization!

Amethyst taglist

@a-dorky-book-keeper @50shadesofuncomfortable @arizonacolleen @infinity-of-high-dreaming @toasty-fish @pink-smarties @mc225g @dadd-ilf @sueeatstheworld @katorgatorgalaxy @the-ink-and-salt-club @incorrect-mcdanno @xelizabethvalentinex @ahyestheandersons @thatdamnokie @wxxnks @awesomewees @ryedikkulus @discodeak @clacestan @y-dadd

(If you got the notification again, sorry! I had a problem with the taglist and had to do it again!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 15/05/2021 (Coldplay, J. Cole, Trippie Redd & Playboi Carti)

I’m awful at predicting this chart, I really am, but most of that is probably down to how I only make vague predictions at the end of each episode without even considering most releases that’ll actually chart. Let’s just say I didn’t expect nine new arrivals this week. At the top, however, little has changed as the absolutely huge “Body” by Russ Millions and Tion Wayne with a remix featuring whoever the hell is spending its second week at #1. The rest of the chart, however, gets a bit more interesting. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

The biggest story to effect the chart this week is of course 2021’s BRIT Awards happening this Tuesday, which I’m sure boosted a lot of songs during the mid-week. I also actually covered the awards show on that day if you’re curious, with some of my observations, predictions and opinions. We can very clear see – or hear, for that matter – the impact of the BRIT Awards in this week’s chart, as it did cause a lot of gains and new arrivals that shook up the chart right in the middle of the tracking week. Firstly, we do have some drop-outs from the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, only one of them, “Paradise” by MEDUZA and Dermot Kennedy, being all that important given it was a top five hit but we do have a handful that lasted five or more weeks or peaked in the top 40, like “Medicine” by James Arthur flopping embarrassingly, “Addicted” by Jorja Smith dropping out to prepare for the rebound next week given her album release and “Solid” by Young Stoner Life, Young Thug and Gunna featuring Drake.

Speaking of Drake, he also provides the singular returning entry as “Wants and Needs” featuring Lil Baby is proving to be the actual hit from that three-pack from March, coming back to #65. Scaling down the chart, we also have some notable losses, songs that dropped at least five spots on this week’s chart. Those that fell include “Your Power” by Billie Eilish dropping harshly to #15 off of the debut, as well as “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S at #18, “Confetti” by Little Mix to #21 off of the return (with Saweetie, the artist quite literally solely the reason it’s had this second wind, still bizarrely left without a credit by the UK Singles Chart), “My Head & My Heart” by Ava Max at #27, “Titanium” by Dave at #31, “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted (yes, THEY’RE credited) at #36, “Patience” by KSI featuring YUNGBLUD and Polo G at #42, “Heartbreak Anniversary” by Giveon at #44, “We’re Good” by Dua Lipa at #47, “Way Too Long” by Nathan Dawe, Anne-Marie and MoStack at #49, “Head & Heart” by Joel Corry and MNEK at #51, “Beautiful Mistakes” by Maroon 5 and Megan Thee Stallion at #55, “Don’t Play” by Anne-Marie, KSI and Digital Farm Animals at #56, “Calling My Phone” by Lil Tjay and 6LACK at #59, “Commitment Issues” by Central Cee at #67, “You” by Regard, Troye Sivan and Tate McRae at #69, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #70, “Hold On” by Justin Bieber getting ACR’d at #71, “Streets” by Doja Cat at #73 and finally, “6 for 6” by Central Cee at #75.

Filling up the room for those losses, however, are the gains, always a tad more interesting, as the songs that rose at least five spots on this week’s chart – or make their first appearance in the top 40, 20 or 10 – are usually having the BRITs to thank to some capacity. The climbers include “Summer 91 (Looking Back)” giving Noizu his first top 40 hit at #31 (and I’ll admit, the song is growing on me), Griff also getting her first with “Black Hole” at #35 thanks to her win and performance at the BRITs, “WITHOUT YOU” by The Kid LAROI rebounding to #13 thanks to that once-again uncredited remix with Miley Cyrus and finally, entering the top 10 for the first time is “Anywhere Away from Here” by Rag’n’Bone Man and P!nk at #9, getting the boost from a perfect trifecta of gains: Rag’n’Bone Man released his album on Friday then on Tuesday had the closing performance of this song at the BRIT Awards with additional vocals from the Lewisham and Greenwich NHS choir, who are also now appearing on a new release of the song the day after, prompting a whole lot of sales, of which I assume and hope are going to charity. It’s Rag’n’Bone Man’s third top 10 hit, P!nk’s 21st(!) and interestingly enough, the NHS choir’s second top 10 hit as they had the Christmas #1 back in 2015. With all of that out of the way, I suppose it’s time to get to our varied array of new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#74 – “Dick” – Starboi3 featuring Doja Cat

Produced by Nius and SoFLY

This week is kind of a weird week if that wasn’t immediately obvious as our new arrivals are kind of all over the place, starting with... well, I think I could say less about the song than the title does. Starboi3 is this SoundCloud rapper from New Jersey who made a song with Doja back in 2019 – I assume she was more accessible for features back then –and it didn’t blow up at all, really, giving Starboi3 some additional traction but not until 2020, in which Doja Cat got her #1 hit and TikTok picked up this explicit single as a new sound. Sadly – or thankfully – the song was never released officially onto streaming until very recently, meaning, surely, the hype’s over by now? The answer to that is no, as it’s climbing up charts in both the UK and the Bubbling Under in the US... so there’s got to be something good about this song, right? Well, no. Not at all. Of course, that is subjective, but I do question your sanity if you’re honestly enjoying this unlikeable nobody shout “Dick!” over a basic, no-melody trap instrumental with heavy 808s not too dissimilar to drill, before going into a beyond basic chorus and verse about, well, you can guess, with rhymes sounding either like an awful freestyle or a kid with a rhyming dictionary. “She not with him tonight, she not with Jim tonight”? Of course, that’s in the post-chorus because if there’s one thing this song needs, it’s a freaking post-chorus. I also don’t think Starboi3 realises that making her scream for her parents is quite the opposite of sexy – or even raunchy and mindless, as it’s actually just creepy and terrifying. Speaking of terrifying, Doja Cat is here and not even she can add a less basic flow with a verse that just ends up going in one ear and out the other, even if I do like the seductive backing vocals that at least try to make this not a slow, joyless slog. However, I do NOT like the Pickle Rick reference. To be fair, this was 2019, but also to be fair, never reference that again, I am begging you. This is a disaster on all fronts and probably one of the worst tracks I’ve had to review in this series. Good start!

#64 – “Freaks” – Surf Curse

Produced by Surf Curse

This new song is actually even older, being released initially as a deep cut from this Nevada duo’s 2013 album. As you’ll probably tell, this is charting off of people streaming after hearing the song on TikTok and, I mean, at least the song’s actually good this time, careening off of a clearly surf-inspired clean riff surrounded by some basic drumming and a good bassline. It’s not great as it does feel increasingly basic as I said, almost like one of those local bands that don’t get much national attention or traction but do play some gigs and get some love at those places, to the point where it’s kind of big if they play shows outside of their region... which makes sense because that is exactly what they are. This is just some band from Reno but here it is charting on the UK Singles Chart and while it’s here, I should say whilst there’s not much here to discuss given how minimal it is, Nick Rattigan’s vocals are fittingly desperate for the theme of social alienation and particularly rejection as it’s pretty obvious he’s aiming venom at himself for a bad break-up, although given the sound and tone of the song, probably his first, with that double meaning of the mantra in the outro, “I won’t wake up this time”, potentially being a crushing line for someone in similar circumstances. That’s not me, exactly, so this doesn’t hit, but I’m glad that Machine Gun Kelly song from last week got replaced with some actually decent alternative rock on the chart. I hope this does well.

#60 – “One Day” – Lovejoy

Produced by Cameron Nesbitt

“One Day” is the biggest track from new English rock band Lovejoy’s debut EP, Are You Alright?, and whilst I was planning on not mentioning the fact that the band is fronted by Minecraft YouTuber Wilbur Soot, that is the only reason it’s charting – and he’s charted with “Your New Boyfriend” a couple months back, a song that I actually kind of liked. It’s also immediately obvious in the writing that this comes from an Internet personality, with some not-so-well-woven detail and increasingly gratuitous self-awareness that eventually cycles back and ends up as seeming like they have none at all... okay, like most indie bands but that’s beside the point. This happens to be Wilbur’s least favourite song on the release – one that I haven’t listened to because even if I’m not too old for mindless pop music, Minecraft YouTuber alt-rock may be where I draw the line – and I can completely understand the distaste for this given that it starts with the line, “Why’d you have to kill my cat?” I also have some qualms with the song sonically as it may be the most derivative rock single I’ve heard on this series, given how obviously it rips from indie rock bands of the 2000s, with an oddly clean mix that doesn’t exactly fit the obvious stream-of-consciousness lyrics and Wilbur’s erratic delivery. Also, there’s a whole lot of trumpet on this song, which I guess is a surprise, but that doesn’t make up for a drummer who can clearly play very well but has to chaotically play over a song with practically no groove. I do like that second chorus in how it builds up to a somewhat anti-climactic guitar solo but as a full song I do not really get the appeal of this that I don’t get out of other post-punk revival bands from decades back who are still pumping out music. This isn’t bad – I swear, don’t dox me – but I just want something more compelling from this. I will always be glad regardless of the quality that we have more rock on the chart, though, even if this’ll be gone by next week.

#57 – “It’s a sin” – Years & Years and Elton John

Produced by Stuart Price and the Pet Shop Boys

One of my favourite performance from the BRIT Awards this year was Olly Alexander of Years & Years sharing the stage with the iconic Elton John to cover Pet Shop Boys’ “It’s a Sin” which had renewed interest from last year as it was the namesake for a hit TV series about HIV/AIDS, for which this fittingly played a role and has kind of been recontextualised as a gay anthem, which makes complete sense if you look at its lyrics about the Church telling Neil Tennant “how to be”. It’s also one of the Pet Shop Boys’ most camp and theatrical songs, so giving it to Years & Years and Elton John to cover for the BRIT Awards make all too much sense. No, they’re not able to live up to the theatricality of the original, especially if Alexander’s vocals are going to be this clearly manipulated at points, but with Elton John’s piano laying a perfect foundation for the rising intensity of the track, we do get a sense of that original melodrama, with the synth-work and house groove coming in before Elton John’s voice, sounding smokier and wiser with age, and in my opinion, more compelling as a vocalist, especially if they’re both going to sell this song with the most convicted of deliveries. I don’t think a cover could ever live up to that original iconic track but if anyone’s going to get close, it’s Elton John. Expect this to rise next week.

#50 – “Never Left” – Lil Tecca

Produced by ThankYouWill, Taz Taylor and Cxdy

I’ll always be annoyed that Lil Tecca blew up as a rapper instead of a producer, as I don’t think this guy has any likeability or charisma about his flow, cadence or delivery, and that’s only after you get over how dry and whiny his voice can get. However, he can make some great and incredibly infectious beats for other rappers, including a song I see becoming a hit soon in SoFaygo’s “Knock Knock”, which I will bet on at least making the Billboard Hot 100 if not the UK Singles Chart. It’s unbelievably catchy. With that said, Tecca is here in the form of some SoundCloud raps over a boring synth pluck and vaguely tropical Internet Money trap beat, sounding and flowing way too much like Gunna for his own benefit, or Gunna’s benefit, if we’re honest, as this shows how easily he can be replaced. I usually don’t write off this type of rap and will absolutely defend it, but this song isn’t even catchy or unique. I mean, I don’t like “Ransom” either but at least it was kind of fun and I still know the lines in the chorus a couple years later. I’ll forget all about this by next week if it doesn’t stick around. At least he shouts out Chief Keef. God, I hope he charts sometime, that’d be funny.

#45 – “All I Know So Far” – P!nk

Produced by Greg Kurstin

So, P!nk is back but not with a studio album, rather an upcoming live album in which the two new, original songs are about or featuring her daughter. This is the second single from said album and is probably coasting off her appearance at the BRITs in terms of a relatively high chart debut. I’ve never been that big a fan of P!nk but she has her classics, none of which are in the past 15 years but that’s beside the point. This single in particular is an acoustic ballad dedicated to her daughter in which P!nk provides a rapid intensity alongside pretty great-sounding acoustic guitars, pounding drums and strings that sells the content about empowering yourself, with some nice lyrical detail about always being yourself, basically, which would come off as cliché and preachy if it weren’t for some oddly specific lyrics in those verses and the chorus that basically just tell her daughter that despite the fact the world will constantly try to crack down on her and everything she does much like life does to anyone but especially women, she should stand up for herself and what she believes in. However, none of that cuts deep when she’s being raised by a millionaire, huh? There’s little Hell to be put through when you’re born with a silver spoon, huh, Willow? Regardless, this isn’t a bad pop song and its content isn’t as misguided as it is just sang by the wrong singer, although I’d find it hard to get a singer with as much rasp and wisdom in the mainstream to sell this as convincingly as P!nk does – vocally, not lyrically. This is a couple steps above that last single, “Cover Me in Sunshine” at least, which was just insidious. Next.

#32 – “Miss the Rage” – Trippie Redd featuring Playboi Carti

Produced by Loesoe

Okay, so all of our last three new arrivals are in the top 40 and we start with... o-okay, well, it’s 2021, anything can and will chart and I should know this by now, but it’s still surprising to see a song by these two guys debut so high, especially since Whole Lotta Red produced absolutely no charting hits in the UK outside of “@ MEH”, which doesn’t really count. This is Trippie’s highest-charting song ever in the UK that isn’t fronted by KSI, so I guess streaming must have been that good – also, the charts are still weak. For what it’s worth, I do like both Trippie and Carti to their respective extents, and I am aware that this is only as big as it was because of the hype from the leak, which also featured Mario Judah, and that in itself was a big song but it took years for Carti’s feature to be cleared by the label, as is infamously true for much of Carti’s work and even his last official collaboration with Trippie that was actually deleted after release. I’m still hoping on an official release for his verse on Yung Lean’s “Yayo”, but whilst we have this instead, I might as well talk about it and... Well, let me explain to you what I see as the appeal of these two rappers. That appeal is, mostly, that they don’t rap even though they both very much can. Trippie yells, moans, growls, screams and spends most of his work singing in his typical raspy, venomous voice, whilst Playboi Cart spits and coughs his way through substance-less ad-libs to the point where any actual wordplay or lyrical detail gets you excited for that brief moment. In this song, Trippie and Carti don’t eschew the typical role of a rapper and both just... rap normally, which would not be a complaint if they weren’t so bland in that role, which is the whole point of their unique, phlegm-filled deliveries in the first place. As a result, this song just ends up feeling empty, even if this awfully-mixed, bass-boosted beat with some lovely distorted video-game synths and hardly audible trap skitters does go incredibly hard. Don’t get me wrong: this is still catchy and Trippie flows very well over a beat that sounds made for him and Carti. Hell, Carti has grown on me so much recently that my fondness for this might just be me eating anything he releases up. With that said, he’s the worst part of the song as his baby-voice style emphasises how lacking this song is in just anything. I do like the wordplay at the tail-end of the verse as, yes, that happens, perhaps not as iconic as some of his other oddly profound or clever lines on his last record but at least it’s something. At least this is some interesting American trap, unlike...

#25 – “i n t e r l u d e” – J. Cole

Produced by J. Cole, Tommy Parker and T-Minus

The pandemic has affected the music industry to the point where big-name rappers release album interludes as lead singles. Said album has songs shorter than this interlude, with most of its dull filler feeling like additional interludes, quite unbefitting for such a big and hyped-up album from Cole which frankly is just another boring addition to an already consistently dull catalogue. I’m just not interested in what Cole has to say because he’s never been likeable and I feel like there’s better rappers that bridge the gap between old and new like how Cole sees himself as doing, the “MIDDLE CHILD”, perhaps, like, you know, Drake? If we want to go for a more direct comparison from lesser-known rappers, the direct comparison I use for this new record is Aminé’s latest, also made up of a variation of trap bangers featuring massive, charting names versus introspective, conscious lyrics, yet Aminé is an interesting character with quotable lyrics that aren’t embarrassing, knows how to write an actual hook and whilst he also brings on both classic and modern features, he’s never out-done by them, creating an actual bridge rather than just some guy who thinks he can write his own role in the industry and culture without his own music backing his case. Unfortunately for me, it works – every freaking time – largely because of his continually loyal fanbase but also a general public interest in the guy that I do not understand, especially when more than a decade into his career, he’s still pushing out mediocre projects. He cuts his album’s length by a ton and still ends up with a bloated record. I barely need to talk about the track itself, right? Even if it has as much structure and effort put into it as his normal songs do, it’s labelled quite literally as an interlude. Sigh, well, in this interlude, Jermaine raps over a drowned-out soul sample and admittedly, sticks to the topic of reminiscing on where he came from, the violence in Fayetteville, a similar violence of which was what killed Nipsey Hussle, who he compares amongst Pimp C and Jesus as they all died at 33. Cole himself is 36 so I guess for once he doesn’t think he’s Jesus. It took him a while to realise.

#12 – “Higher Power” – Coldplay

Produced by Max Martin, Oscar Holter and Bill Rahko

I assumed this would debut at #3 until the BRIT Awards performance gave it a boost to debut at the top but I guess everyone else had the same opinion of that awful opening performance as I did, because here it is at #12. Well, that doesn’t matter, right? Coldplay’s last album similarly underperformed... but at least that time, they had a genuinely ambitious album for once in their careers with some genuine experimentation and themes I did not expect to come out of Coldplay. It was a better album but not an accessible one, with its only pop single being a bittersweet anti-war anthem which trivialises bombing in the Middle East to onomatopoeia. It’s a great song but it wasn’t going anywhere, so it’s no surprise that their next lead single is a soulless synth-pop track produced by Max Martin. Admittedly, the synth tone in the intro is kind of unique in all its nasal 80s nostalgia, but, man, I thought we moved past just rehashing for a hit, Coldplay. This is pretty obviously just a crap attempt at being “Blinding Lights” which trades in its machine-gun loco-motive drum pattern for one that is a lot more stiff, and its iconic, memorable lyrics for a forgettable set of love-struck laziness. Oh, yeah, and Chris Martin is far from the Weeknd both in the studio and live at the BRIT Awards – seriously, dude sounded half-alive. This isn’t offensive, just a bore that is clearly a desperate label move ready for when they can tour again, and if their last record proved anything it was that Coldplay seemed like they were finally above that.

Conclusion

Well, that’s our week – again, a questionable one at best and kind of a bad one at worst. Either way, this is a strange array of songs and I do like how the UK Singles Chart subverts everything you’d expect of it so often that chaos becomes the trend, even if not all of it is any good. I guess Best of the Week goes to “Freaks” by Surf Curse, with an Honourable Mention to Elton John’s cover of “It’s a sin” with Years & Years. Surprisingly enough, J. Cole actually doesn’t get Worst of the Week as the album gets a lot worse than that interlude, so he gets a Dishonourable Mention alongside Starboi3’s “Dick” being crowned Worst of the Week, and honestly probably Worst of the Year so far, not that I’m keeping track of that. Here’s this week’s top 10:

What’s coming next week? More J. Cole, Olivia Rodrigo’s newest single and probably – and hopefully – some album tracks from Jorja Smith and Nicki Minaj. For now, though, thanks for reading. It’s a big week next week, and I’ll see you then!

[assless-chapstick]

Lil John just joined and sits uncomfortably close to Arthur and just. Stares. Silently. At EVERYTHING Arthur does. Sometimes steals a tiny bit of food even when he has his own portion. Still silent. Alllwayssss silenttttt. For like the first 6 months he doesn’t say a SINGLE goddamn word.

Yes yes this!!!

Ms Grimshaw suggests that he’s mute and Dutch is like “no, no, I heard him talk! I did!” … (maybe John doesn’t talk cuz his… throat is sore… you know … from the hanging……)

but yeah, for whatever reason, he latches on to Arthur right away. Maybe it’s cuz he’s big, or cuz he’s kinda soft spoken, or maybe it’s because while the other adults – Dutch n Grimshaw, mostly – are always up in his business, Arthur doesn’t seem to give two shits about John.

At least at first, right? Cuz after a while it gets annoying, having someone just FOLLOW and STARE and WATCH all the time. Arthur starts to have weird dreams about being WATCHED by like a million tiny John’sand he’d wake up in a cold sweat half expecting to see John (who may be twelve but is the size of an eight year old, maybe smaller, cuz he ain’t had good eatin' in a while) staring at him from the foot of the bed… but no, it’s just his imagination, John is… John isn’t in his bed, but rather curled up in Arthur’s, tucked against his chest with his icy little hands tucked in Arthur’s armpit… again…

And Arthur complains to Dutch, like, “I already got one shadow, I don’t need another!” and Dutch is all “well I don’t know what you want me to do about it,” cuz I think Dutch liked John as an idea – a perfectly moldable being he can fashion in his own image – rather than as an actual kid. I don’t think Dutch likes kids much…

So Arthur has to make do going about his daily chores n shit with this lil gremlin following him around… watching as he chops wood or as he brews coffee in the morning… shouts like “IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY?” when John trots after him as he’s trying to make his way into the woods to take a shit…

And even though John never says anything, Arthur still finds himself talking to John throughout the day… just random stuff, like how one time he, no shit, saw a snake with two heads, or how to roll the perfect cigarette (Arthur is privately delighted when John, thinking Arthur ain’t looking, grabs a paper and tries to do it, too, cuz at least he ain’t just watching)…

A couple weeks in, Arthur’s gotta go to town on Business, and John just sits and watches Arthur saddle up his horse and get ready to go and when Arthur mounts up John just looks… so dejected and sad and a little like he might cry but also stoic in the way kids are? And Arthur’s like, “Sorry, kid, you’re gonna have to stay here this time.” And John gives him this really intense stare, as if he’s trying to say something, and Arthur’s gotten used to John’s staring but this is… this is the evil eye…

So Arthur is like “d don’t worry I’ll be back!”

And when he returns that evening, John is nowhere to be found. Arthur’s like, “Dutch, you seen John around?”

“Havent seen him in hours, why?”

Good parenting Dutch…

And Arthur doesn’t find him until he goes to get ready for bed, finds John curled up in Arthur’s own bed, face shoved in the pillow… and he’s fallen asleep cuz he musta been there all afternoon, and Arthur just.. sighs, pushes John over a little bit and settles in to sleep beside him…

Wakes up in the middle of the night to find John’s big dark eyes staring up at him in the dark as John runs his hands over Arthur’s stubble, as if to convince himself that Arthur is real and there and that he actually came back…

After that, whenever Arthur has to go anywhere without John, he rubs his prickly stubble on John’s face in an asshole big brother kinda way, and John grunts and pushes back but maybe he’s smiling a bit when Arthur rides off?? And he’s always, always there when Arthur comes back, waiting…

And maybe six or so months in, the gang is sitting around the fire one night, and Arthur is sat at the table rolling smokes, and John’s right there beside him. John’s still getting the hang of it, and he’s got the cigarette, but as he’s rolling it it comes untucked and he’s just like, softly under his breath “Aw, fuck…”

And the whole camp freezes… and stares… for a long moment … until Dutch starts laughing ..

Thanks for the great ask, mister!!!

[aislinceivun]

Hi! I know that you’ve said that you won’t continue with the sequel planned for Wandering Bird, but I was wondering if I could inquire on what you might’ve written? It’s just, I really adore your fic; can’t get it out of my head actually (so I’m so sorry if I’m being insensitive!) You mentioned once that you were going to do a POV from Arthur Gwen and Morgana- does that mean they (Morgana and Gwen specifically) had an idea of Merlin’s fate? Could Arthur “see” Merlin during his adventures? Part 1

Part 2: (Again, I apologize for my questions-your story just has so many interesting plot points!!) How would Bonnie and Co interact/react to Arthur’s return? Why couldn’t Freya interact much with Merlin; Was it a lack of magic, interference or something else? Somewhat weird question: but did you have anything in mind for Merlin’s Vigil Night? (If he can get one poor dear). (Gushing continued in third ask I’m so sorry)

Part 3: I loved how you showed Arthur considering legal reforms before his death-and the Phoenix as the emblem? *Chef’s Kiss* Was the creation of the phoenix’s later on a reference to that? Random aside: I really adored how badass you made Merlin, without making him too edgy or dark, you know? Also I really loved the many prophecies/legends surrounding just Merlin as “Emrys”! I adore literally everything about Aithusa, and her final scene made me bawl (also your art is gorgeous!) You’re amazing!

------------------------------------

Don’t ever apologize for asking questions about fics! Even if they’re old fics the author doesn’t plan on returning to, these kind of asks can really make their day and I’m sure 98% of the time they’ll just be over the moon that someone still thinks so much about their work :D I am!!

I still get emotional thinking about Aithusa, so I’m super glad her storyline made you feel so deeply. And that yuo liked Merlin’s portrayal and the lore about him! And thea art! Ahh, just, thank you! 🥰

Unfortunately, I no longer have my original outlines and the roughly 15k I’ve written due to my old laptop crashing, and it’s been 7 years (oh my gosh how) so I no longer remember the details. Which is too bad - I have several abandoned fics in my mother tongue, and I always uploaded summaries of what was supposed to happen to provide some kind of closure to readers. I can’t do that properly with Wandering, but I’ll try my best!

Putting the rest under a cut. :)

Feathers was inteded to be a series of 7 fics: 3 long main stories and 4 shorter (8-15k) standalone side-stories. The graphics are pretty much the only thing I still have  left x’D

You know this one, 75k of how Merlin spends those roughly 1500 years between the end of the show and Arthur’s rebirth. Then, the stuff that never got finished:

The Gwen POV side story, set during ch1 of Wandering. Focused on Gwen dealing with Arthur’s death, managing the kingdom and working on abolishing discrimination against magic users. Also getting together with Leon after a few years.

The Morgana POV one, at parts corresponding to ch1 and ch2 of Wandering. Honestly, I’m no longer sure about the details, but the early parts were supposed to explain and detail show canon, and then... I think I meant to bring her back in as a literal bird. With the life span of it, just keeping her consciousness, so she can watch what happens in the world. She probably watched over Aithusa, too, and Merlin, and IDK but the goal was to show her thoughts and eventually give her character justice and closure.

The Arthur POV one. He was kept in some kind of otherworldly, underwater palace-like place and could only interact with Freya, really, but he did get constant flashes of Merlin - especially where he was near Albion. This short was supposed to be very dream-like, as time works differenetly in that place. It’s kind of like when you’re half-asleep, y’know? So Arthur didn’t really live those 1500 years like Merlin did, but he followed his journey, in a way. When Freya “woke him up” at the end, they did have a conversation about it. He lost these memories when he was reborn. (But he still often dreams of water and a kind lady)

The next big one! Set in 2012, this would’ve started with Arthur & Merlin going to uni and “meeting each other” and ended with Arthur finally regaining his memories. Merlin kept away from him while Arthur was growing up, you see - aside from that one time when he learnt that by pure chance, Ray (who became a PE teacher) ended up being one of lil’ Chris/Arthur’s teachers. As old man Emrys, he got himself some history teaching shtick because he wanted to see how Arthur was doing, but he quickly realized that this is not going to work, what with him being in love with the man Arthur is going to become. xD So he left after a few months, and kept away from Arthur. (But kept pestering Ray with questions :D)

Anyway, when Arthur goes to uni (by this point, he exclusively goes by ‘Arthur’ btw, dropping Christopher) Merlin magics himself back into his eighteen year old form and gets enrolled in the same school. Agatha and Mike would have had prominent roles as basically Merlin’s sidekicks. Aggie is especially close with him, after him mentoring her about magic all her life.

Arthur has no memories either of his old life or about the years spent with Freya, so the dynamic at first is pretty much show S1. Most of the angst would have come from Arthur finally wanting to get together with Merlin but Merlin pulling away because there’s just too much Arthur doesn’t know; how is he supposed to be together with him when he’s hiding so much, lying so much? This Arthur is pure and free of the tragedies of the past, and maybe it’d be best if Merlin left him alone... But something must be happening - something the world needs Arthur for, if he slept through WWI and WWII but NOW fate decided to send him back...

Anyways, he would have gotten back his memories aroud the end of this instalment. Cue a lot of crying from Merlin’s part.

The last big one, a direct sequel to With Memories. A lot of recap and talking in the early parts, Merlin and Arthur reconciliating who they were in the past with who they are in the present and who they wanna be in the future. 

There was a Big Bad of some kind of malicious magical origin (not necessarily a person, but an “end of the world” kind of thing/entity. It was 2012 after all. Little did we knew the real shit was coming 8 years later It was revealed that Arthur had magic himself, plenty of it - he couldn’t use it, at all, but he wielded a lot of pure magic, maybe related to how he was basically marinated in magic-juice for over fifteen centuries and how his soul was pushed back into the world xD There was a lot of magical and dragon-related lore to be revealed. The Phoenixes came back to play a part in resolving the Big Bad, too. But it’s all very hazy. What I do remember is that to fix the Big Bad, Merlin AND Arthur had to hold their Vigil Night, in a way - not dying, god now, but both of them hand to give all their combined magic back to earth.  This resulted in the Big Bad no longer happening and Merlin losing his immortality =)

After figuring out their shit in the first half, they were pretty much together, btw. Learning each other in a new way. Arthur digged Merlin’s Phoenix emblem tattoo, that’s for sure. A lot of communication was needed, especially because it wasn’t easy for Arthur to understand Merlin’s grief (sometimes, Merlin looked so old despite the young form he wore; sometimes he felt ancient, and Arthur was a bit scared in his presence - not scared of Merlin, but scared of how to measure up to him, reach him, help him.) And Merlin had to understand that even with his old memories, Arthur wasn’t exactly that Arthur, the king - he had a life of his own in the present, a new identity, and it was unfair of Merlin to expect him to be the same. They no doubt talked a lot about Merlin’s lived experiences, his lost ones, Aithusa. (Merlin never stopped wearing the pendant made of Aithusa’s scale)

Happy end, of course :)

Well, that was a lot of vaaaague stuff, but hopefully gave you an idea? Bonnie wasn’t around too much, though I’m sure I’d have included some scenes with her. She probably didn’t met Arthur until Together Again. Aggie liked him fine but kept teasing him and she could be a bit harsh, what with her being so overprotective of Merlin. Mike and Arthur got along really well. Arthur was shocked when he was first fully introduced to the whole family and was met with his old PE teacher AND that brought up the fact Merlin attempted to teach him for a few months xDD 

Buuuuut.... this was still just 6, eh?

Last instalment, another side oneshot, and a prequel to the whole series. Kilgharrah’s POV. Set a few generation’s before Uther’s rein, elaborating on some of the lore and backstories revealed in Together Again. (all of which I no longer remember, rip) I know we’d have met an ancestor of both Merlin and Arthur through Kilgharrah: Aurelius Ambrosius, who does some good deed to Kilgharrah, and the dragon blesses him - after this, the man takes the name Pendragon. And Coel, who was a dragon lord, husband to Ystradwal high priestess. Coel had a cheerful and kind personality, and he was the first human Kilgharrah came to like. They became friends. Coel was supposed to be Merlin’s grandfather, I think. Kilgharrah and his mate were expecting their first egg to hatch when Uther’s purge started, and that was pretty much the end of this short =(

------------

All I have left aside from these is some tidbits of dialogue from the single file on the sequels I have:

~

“Whoa, Merlin, slow down. I can’t follow you.”

“I’m different from you. Okay? I’m not... I wasn’t... I didn’t reincarnate. I’m not a reincarnation of the original Merlin. I am the original Merlin. Do you understand? I never... Look, I never died.”

“You are. The same Merlin." Merlin nods. "The same Merlin who mucked out my horses and saved me countless times and magicked his way into my life.”

“I’m afraid, sire.”

The title comes without a conscious thought, and when he realizes, his heart twists and cracks.

Arthur just stares at him.

~

“So? Who are you guys, then?”

“I wasn’t lying about them. They are family. No! Gods, no, not like that,” he adds quickly upon seeing Arthur’s widening eyes.

“He’s our magical fairy godfather,” Mike and Aggie say in perfect union, completely straight-faced.

 ~

“The only times I was really miserable were the very first few hundred years, and later the roughly three centuries that followed Aithusa’s death. For the rest of the time, I wasn’t completely alone, and that... helped. A lot. But... it was hard. I hated how everyone I cared for withered away and died before my eyes, so I tried to keep people away for a long time. I was lonely, but that kept me safe from heartbreak. At least, that’s what I’d thought.

“But then I met Bonnie, and as I watched her grow up and start a family - a family that welcomed me - I realised how foolish I was for attempting to condone myself to a solitary life and deny myself the warmth of others’ love.”

~

Arthur wipes a hand over his face. “Owning a magical heritage but no apparent talent to use it... Just. Great. I’m a fucking Quibble!”

------------

Phew!! What a trip down memory lane xD And I actually remembered more than I thought I would, so that’s nice. Thank you for enabling me to ramble and recall some stuff a really liked about this verse. I hope I was able to give you some closure! Cheers!♥

[grilledkatniss]

4 days

So I owe you, dear no one, 4 inktobrer prompts. And I didn’t get to blog yesterday. My wrist really hurts so this first one (that I had to draw at least 3 times with little to no improvement whatsoever) looks uhm.. not great. I don’t know, it looked better in pencil.

Prompt for day 19: SLING

I really tried you guys. I tried to have her look a bit more like Daisy and for a tiny second before I went over her face with the fineliner it kinda looked like her a bit. Actually one of the previous attempts looked more like her but then again I ruined it with my wonky lines with the fineliner. So this is supposed to be Daisy Johnson at the beginning of season 4, when her wrists and arms are all fucked up because of all the unprotected quaking. In a very Daisy-like fashion she’s still using her powers to do very mundanes tasks because she was in a quite too vengefully cool for school mood. Uhg I hate her face, I’ll try to do her again (I’d love to ;|) I drew her lil apartment with the bed and such just to deviate the attention from her god awful failure of a face 

Prompt for day 20: TREAD

His arm back there looks broken lol. Maybe it sorta is and he’s jumping to the finish line there laid on the sand 

Prompt for day 21: TREASURE

My old high school best friend is a huge Bruno Mars fan, and even though we’ve been out of touch lately I thought of her humming to Bruno’s song Treasure and lol his arm looks so weird. He’s showing off his shiny shit.

Prompt for day 22: GHOST

A collection of undefined ghosts plus the Ghost Rider with his flaming skull and chain. For some reason I kinda gave him fangs wtf 

Blogging bit right here: My wrist still hurts. Do we talk about Star Wars? I think we’re withing the time period were a comment would be considered a spoiler so I’m gonna get to it maybe after the new years, not like a blog but like a random rant. What can we talk about... 

I haven't been watching Buffy since I got home last month, I might get to it later today. It’s been also brought to my attention that I have to catch up with that Bradbury’s Illustrated Man but gone a step too far and American so it’s somehow BFI related and crime and shit AKA Blindspot. I don’t remember which season I was in when I stopped watching but Ronan was dead already so season 5? The NBC commercials make me wanna also keep watching New Amsterdam. I stopped early on during the first season because the fanbase was so aggressive like the fuck is wrong with these people. I started rereading the first Percy Jackson book because of insomnia and lil Annabeth and I can’t find it, I don’t know where I put it. We just finished setting up the Christmas decorations.

I also can’t wait to watch Cats. Like I know it got terrible reviews and shit but I love the song Memory. I never saw the musical but that song was in a tiny music box my nanny gave me ages ago when I was like 5 and I still have it in my bedroom. It’s very much ruined but it still plays the song.

My parents are watching the 1995 rendition of the story of Sir Lancelot “The First Knight” and omg they got caught kissing now they’ve been sentenced to death! Now Cammelot’s been invaded and King Arthur’s dead?? and they’re slaughtering the Knights of the Round Table. I bet in the end the remaining knights forgive Lancelot for fighting beside them and he gets to keep Guinevere. Or because he kills the Malagant.

Anyway... we don’t have coffee so I’m sad. I’m gonna start playing Bublé’s Christmas album any time now. (Oh the king didn’t die right away, he lived long enough to forgive Lancelot himself. And then died. Set that bitch on fIRE) Okay, I’m gonna see what I can have with my lame green tea. Later guys! OMG can you believe Christmas is right around the corner like what the fuck why am I not in a Christmassy jolly fun mood?! Hashtag white girls annoyed at her lack of chrsitmas spirit. 

[noscorpsaladerive]

All right LRA Korea Write Up Part Two aka I have now seen this version of this musical five times on y go moflos

Okay this is going to be organized into general notes then by actor then stagedooring because my notes are a mess so that’s how it’s gonna go down

Also warning I wrote this on an airplane after very little sleep so it’s gonna be loopy alright let’s go

Details I hadn’t noticed the first time we saw it: During A l’enfant, all of the actors in Morgane’s play are women, which to me makes sense given her backstory so that was a cool detail.  On the screen behind them they have shadow puppets acting out the story too which was also a cool detail.

For Tu vas le payer, they did keep a bit of the gender bending happening like everyone was wearing these overskirt things so I appreciated that nod to the original production.

Fave staging ever goes to Délivre nous like hot damn.  Not only does Arthur walk among the people, but for the last verse and chorus Arthur is center stage in a white spotlight while everyone is gathered around the edges of it and they’re reaching for him and act as if they’re banging on a glass wall trying to get his attention and it’s so freaking good and brillant y’all

Okay now for stuff by actor starting with the Arthurs:

Han Ji Sang !!!!!  My dude!!!!  We only saw him the one time but I still LOVE his transition from boyish squire to grown ass man king.  His curtain call bopping is also my fave.  I think my fave thing was how he responded to the people (as in Arthur’s subjects), like it really seemed like it was coming from someone who used to be one of them but now finds himself in a position of power over them

Pretty Arthur aka Hoonjeong:  his was the most reserved Arthur??  Like his singing was so lovely and he did act it very well but in a lot of ways he was more timid but not necessarily in a bad way.  He just was a more reserved Arthur.

Noodle Arthur aka Seungjo:  MY NOODLE ARTHUR HAS RETURNED FROM WAR!!!!!! His performance reminded me the most of Flo’s (not DVD Flo but live Flo) but Seungjo took the noodle like fifty steps further and it was BEAUTIFUL. Like he and Kay are in shenanigans together from the beginning and he’s hugging Kay a lot and he’s so damn cute y’all. Seungjo is a very like physical actor???  He would grab Merlin’s staff (wow that sounds like a bad innuendo I’m sorry i’m tired y’all) and would bang it in the ground to establish authority like right before going after Méléagant and Seungjo would grab Merlin’s cloak when he was unsure or angry and oh my god this dude with Guenièvre. Oh my god.  During Rêver l’impossible he’s like adjusting his clothes and running his hands through his hair because he’s gotta look good for the beautiful woman and when he finally speaks to her he’s on his knees like he doesn’t think he’s worthy of her or like he’s in awe of her and when he starts to head off with Merlin but Guenièvre’s like “Mais le roi est fatigué” this noodle just does a 360 around Merlin and he’s so smiley and cute and at one point during quelque chose de magique Guenièvre dances with the ladies then Arthur does a lil dance with the boys and while Guenièvre’s dancing Seungjo claps and waves at the boys to get their attention like “come on we gotta dance to impress!!!”  Also Seungjo gets really into the kissing like not just on the mouth (although he does smooch a lot more than the other Arthurs) but he kisses Guenièvre’s hands and is constantly whispering and giggling with her in the background of scenes it’s so damn cute y’all. 

But like for act two he’s all serious and the physical element of his acting is still there but it’s never comical in a bad way just either cute or heightening the emotion of a scene.  Like during Ce que la vie a fait de moi Arthur and Guenièvre go down the line of wedding guests to greet them and Seungjo hugs Kay and bounces up and down with him and when Léodagant gets down to bow to Arthur Seungjo gets on his knees and makes his father in law stand back up and ugh i love it ;lakdjf;ladksjfsa;dkl.  Oh omg when Gauvain is training him Seungjo’s like ugh come on give it a break then he’s like oh hey what’s over there? Then he attacks Gauvain and it’s so cute ;lakdjf;adslkjfsdk. Also Seungjo had the best “cette femme est ma femme et c’est la reine!!” Like the other Arthurs didn’t emphasize it that much but he really did and ugh i love him.  Seungjo was also on the floor a lot whenever Arthur was stressed which is a Mood but it also makes me want to protect him.  Like his face after Tu vas le payer he looked so scared and confused I wanted to run up on stage and just like wrap him in a blanket or something.  Like Seungjo’s voice is beautiful but it’s not vocally my fave but his acting is what really pushed him to the top of my Arthur list.

Okay so for the Morganes:

Soojin!!!!!!! I’m love!!!!!!  She did a great job of making Morgane evil but you still want to pity her and vocally she’s incredible and just w o w

Lisa overall was almost as good as Soojin in my opinion.  Her voice is gorgeous and especially the last time we saw it she was sooooo into it and having fun but she makes a couple of choices that I just can’t get on board with like at one point during Dors Morgane dors she like goes for a high note but it comes out like a screech?????  Not a huge fan.  The way she acts her final scene too just didn’t quite make sense to me either but still I’m overall a fan of her.

The Guenièvres:

Miyeon was having such an off night the first time we saw her bless her heart but the second time I really loved her????  She has a pretty deep voice which I love and she was like crying during Auprès d’un autre???? Like wow way to tug on my heart strings.

Jisoo was a good Guenièvre!!  Like she has an absolutely lovely voice but I can’t think of anything like super spectacular but I did really enjoy her performance.  Her L’amour quel idiot reprise was more heartbreaking like she’s almost ugly crying and it was so freaking sad :((((

The Lancelots:

Niel was better than we were expecting!!  I think this is his first musical and he did so well!!!  He did some almost growl like things in Wake Up which sounds weird but it worked really well.  He was maybe my least fave if I had to rank them because the poor boy has such a nasal voice which is just how his voice is but that’s also not my fave thing in the world rip.  Something I really loved was during Faire comme si he catches Guenièvre’s arm and holds her hand for a second (which all the Lancelots do) but he holds his hand there after she lets go for a second as if he can’t believe he got to touch her.  He’s also the only one who tries to kiss Guenièvre as he’s dying but their lips don’t quite touch sad emojis

Giant Lancelot aka Byeonggeun:  Holy shit this boy is big.  Like he’s so tall???? And so broad?????  We only saw him once so we don’t remember too much bless his heart.  I liked him though!!

Pretty Lancelot aka Jihoo aka my actual son:  First time we saw him i LOVED his voice but he had some volume control issues??? We weren’t sure if that was the mic or him but the second time I kept saying in my head “ça c’est mon fils!!!!!!!”  Vocally he is by far my favorite and I just adore him he’s my son now

Now the Méléagants:

Chungjoo:  We saw him the last time we saw the show and I really like him as a performer but not as Méléagant. His second act was better than his first but his high range isn’t quite there for me personally but holy fuck his lower range is absolutely gorgeous and I want him to play Jack in Jack the Ripper oh my god.  Acting wise he was good, he played Méléagant unhinged from the beginning instead of just for act two like the others.  He was also very touchy feely with Guenièvre during Nos corps à la dérive (not in a weird way, just in a grab shoulders and face way) whereas the other two were almost too scared to touch her, which like neither choice is good or bad it’s just different

Pretty-agant aka Chanho:  first of all his eyebrows?????? Amazing.  Second of all his voice????? Even more amazing.  His high notes sounded so easy and he was so damn into it like he did the Un Nouveau Départ body rolls and the Mon Combat hip sway (which the others did not do) and something we loved after seeing him was his act one at first seemed a lil boring???? Like his voice was too clean???? But his second act he was becoming more unhinged and his voice rougher so it wasn’t boring it was just acting.  But he was just so damn good oh my god and his performance reminded me the most of Fabien’s which isn’t necessarily good or bad it’s just a thing.  Something that I loved that Chanho did was he reached for things??? Like after he couldn’t pull out Excalibur he held his hands out like “i almost had it” then he reached for it again and as he was leaving the stage after Un Nouveau Départ when Au diable is starting Chanho reaches for Guenièvre and I love

Lucheni-agant aka Hongseok:  I love him so much I just ;alkdjfa;ldkjfd. Like honestly his high notes weren’t as good as Chanho’s but it still worked and it wasn’t screechy which is good and I just adore him he’s so nice ;lakdjf;alkdjfa. Like idk how to explain it but his Méléagant is just so captivating for me???? Like I already mentioned this but when he has Excalibur after Arthur hands it to him there was really such a strong sense of oh shit what’s gonna happen.  It was also super fun seeing him as Méléagant after seeing him as Lucheni.

Omg I almost forgot the second time we saw Hongseok as Méléagant there was a Mishap.  So before Mon combat Morgane explains the kidnapping plan to Méléagant and Leia is supposed to attach Lancelot’s cape around his neck.  Except the cape clasp didn’t stick, and Hongseok couldn’t get it to clasp.  He threw it away at one point then picked it back up and tried to sling it over his shoulder but it kept falling off and finally he was able to throw it offstage but it was funny bc during the kidnapping scene itself after he reveals his identity Hongseok just ripped the cape off entirely and didn’t just take the hood off he looked so done with that cape ;aldkfjadklsjf

Okay now stagedoor times!!

We stagedoored for Seungjo twice, and the first time there were sooooo many people there for him and he looked so small and overwhelmed and mildly alarmed like he didn’t know what to do with all these people????  He kept smelling the flowers people gave him and he was so quiet and shy then he almost couldn’t get out because the fansites were almost in the way ;aldkjfds

The second time he was way more prepared and people kept going up to him in front of everyone and giving him gifts and Vanessa was like “come here!!” And I thought she meant to the end of the line so I could see because short but nope she meant in front of everyone but I stayed back because shy and I can’t speak Korean but she went up and gave Seungjo some Reese’s and said that we’d seen the show in France a lot and he’s the best Arthur and he laughed like he couldn’t believe but his laugh was so beautiful and he’s such a cutie I love him and will protect him.  He also posted a pic of his gifts from that night and you can see Vanessa’s Reese’s and he also used #thanks in English for the first time which we’re choosing to believe is bc of us/mostly Vanessa

We stagedoored for Hongseok three times, twice at King Arthur and once at Elisabeth which I’m gonna write about here lol.  The first time Vanessa told him how many times I’d seen the show in france and he looked concerned??? Impressed???? Idk but he took that to mean I was French lol but he makes the best face in pics with fans I love it.  We told him we were seeing him as Lucheni that weekend which seemed to just confuse him ;alkdjfa;ldkjfasd Next when we saw him after his last show in Elisabeth (which I’m not exaggerating when I say I would sell my soul to see him as Lucheni again) he remembered us and was like “American and French right??” But Vanessa told him I’m American and I’d just lived in France.  All of his other fans were very impressed with Vanessa’s height lol.  We also got to see his wife and new baby and they were all so cute!!!  Hongseok also brought rice cakes to his fan club which was so sweet.

Third time was after King Arthur again which that theater’s stagedoor is actually in the first floor lobby by the bathrooms so people usually stagedoor in the lobby or in front of the actual theater entrance on the second floor and you just linger until you see the person you’re waiting for but as soon as Hongseok came out that night he headed straight for me and Vanessa because he knew exactly who we were there for lol.  Vanessa told him he’s amazing again in Korean then he was like “I can speak a little English” and Vanessa was like “wanna practice??”  And he was like “Practice? Sure!” With a little bit of an oh shit what did I get myself into face but dude you were the one who pulled out the English not us lol.  So we mostly just squealed about how awesome he is and I was just like “I’ve seen this show so much and you’re my favorite” and we got a selfie again then after the other fans talked to him Vanessa told him we were going back home and we wouldn’t see him again so he went to shake our hands but Vanessa is brave and was like “Could we get hugs?” So he hugged us and his sweater was very soft and he’s just so sweet and I wanna go see him in more shows because he’s such a great performer ;lakdjf;lakdjfad

Anyways long story short I love and miss this show so much and if you’re going to Seoul while it’s still running PLEASE go see it!!!!

[queen-o-castle]

Rose Petal Red Chapter 46

I mean ya’ll already know how much I love this!

@nonchalantxfish let’s go!!!!

Alright so first off, get it friend! 3 chapters in a week (or less, I’ve had a lot of stuff happen in the past week)?!?! I’m assuming some planets aligned and tickled that writing bone! I’m so proud of you dude! You are the bomb!

I wish I could art even remotely well, ‘cuz I tell ya I would love to draw all of your characters. Couple weeks, i would literally wait...so much longer just to read a chapter you write! I think if any arc is gonna be a long one, then Goblet of Fire is a good one. It sets up the start of the war and everything, not to mention you’ve given yourself a lot of work with all this courtroom drama.

Yasss, all the sass from Lys. Aw, man I would love to hear from Josie again. 

Hmmm, I just thought of a question the prosecution could pull. which would be how did she not know that pettigrew-rat wasn’t an animagus before, being that he lived with them for so long.

Slytherin Weasley is soooo good. Technicalities are a beautiful thing.

Fucking Auror Cox. I will literally fight this mother fucker. Yeah you and me both Lys. Charitable things my ass. Dude’s gonna sneer at a disfigured 12, almost 13 year old?! Man fuck you and the piss-ant attitude. (Cox is gonna get a lot swearing just a lil’ fyi).

This idiot is really gonna try and prey on a young girl? He didn’t remember what house, and who her head of house is? 

Cox, my dude, ask a clear fucking question and maybe, JUST maybe she wouldn’t have to ask you..... (you’ve done lovely with this slimy asshole Fish, I swear)

Oh god, he really is that stupid. Cox, this is the nineties, magic be damned. You about to be shredded. Tell me Augusta Longbottom is going to rip him a new one....or or or what about freaking Madam Bones!?! Wasn’t she head of the aurors or something in the books?

Yasssss, Lys pull that little queen face out of you. He sooo deserves it! Not only will this dumbass have the women, but also Snape on his ass. Idk which is worse.

(i told you i love courtroom drama)

I really love that Sirius was terrified of her because she resembled Molly. Also I”m so excited to see Lys tear this dude apart, in the style of Farmer’s Refute from the Hamilton musical.

“I’m a Hogwarts student, Auror Cox. There’s plenty to do.” and “You don’t have to call me sir, Professor.” have the same goddamn energy. god I am living a good life right now!

Oh fucking ew! Just because you are having these thoughts does NOT mean that other good people do.

Alright before i continue, let’s take a head count of people after this dude at this moment: Snape, Weasley’s (only two now, but whole clan later), Women of Wizengamot (idk if I spelled that right), Sirius, maybe Lupin, and Dumbledore. Honestly there’s probably more, but I don’t have concrete evidence for those.

Check...check...CHECK CHECK....

(side note: i did spell it right go me!)

This duuuude. THIS duuuuuuuude. Alright, so Arthur is going to go to his house in the dead of night and just fucking eviscerate him right. I feel it in my bones.

Or, maybe it’ll just be in front of the whole court. Not very subtle, Arthur, but fair.

Agreed, it’s soooo completely grody (gross but WAY worse). 

heh heh, my psychology brain is getting a kick out of Pavlovic....ya know...the dude who ran the dog drooling test....heh heh

OH god!! i’M getting the image of Arthur maiming Cox and Ginny just throwing spells left and right to prevent anyone from stopping him.

I’m literally cackling in my head right now (family might look at me weird if i did it out loud). I’m so ready to watch Lyssie tear this fuck apart.

What can I say? Sirius stole my line. This IS fantastic!

I so wish I could watch an actual movie of just this single scene. It would be fucking superb.

Oh god it is, it really is so magnificent.

This is delicious. Please call for the truth potion (i’m not even going to try spelling it. Bless your very soul for getting that right).

Oh Ginny. Sweet girl, you fucking cold clock him straight in the balls!

 Just so you know Armed and Ready from RWBY Vol. 4 is a superb song for the part where she’s ripping him a new one.

OH boy, this opens up things for how Voldemort comes back. If Pettigrew is getting kissed, then who’s the servant? Exciting!

Aw, fuck I’m going to cry now. Can I please go and hug them? please?!?!?

Fish Damn you that was fucking fabulous. It was so great, and all the courtroom shit was great, and the pureblood shit was fantastic, and I just want to hug this chapter, like REAL tight.

Also if you’re looking for a fic that has major pureblood and courtroom stuff, A Marauder’s Plan by Catsarecool (fic link here) is also realllll good. It’s also got a lot of lore just like yours. 

I’m so fucking jazzed for the rest of this arc, you have NO IDEA!!!!!

[saintjane]

"The Six Wives" by a couple of mentally exhausted high school kids with horrid senses of humour

Henry: I NEED the two s’s in life: sex and sons

Catherine: HARK - arthur died and i’m a little caesar’s pizza

H: wanna fuck???

C: *subtle nodding*

*still births and miscarriages*

Squire: IT’S A BOY-

H: ah heck yEAH

S: Wait nevermind it’s dead. IT’S A G-no dead. ANOTHER BO-another death, dang okay

C: hey i’m pregnant again

H: will it work this time?

C: *gives birth to daughter Mary* We’ll name her Mary

H: It didn’t work smh

Anne 1: *sultry-model walk-by with a flirty lil wink* aye bb you know you want this

H: *wolf whistles* you heckin bet i do

C: *awkwardly raises hand to slap him but then remembers you can’t hit a king & deep breath*

A1: sorry henny. i will only hop on that dick if it makes me queen, otherwise imma just lead you on

H: in that case, imma hit up ma main man the pope

H: Yo, popey, my wife is broken. Please fix her. The bible says I shouldn’t have married her ‘cause she did the dirty with my bro. I want sons that don’t die. Send help

Pope: your bro has to be alive, dinkis. And your wife is, like, related to the totally not German emperor cause Germany isn’t a thing yet lol, soooooo I’m not gonna cross her. You also told me they didn’t do the dirty you fracken liar. Find a better waste of my time you fukin weeaboo. P.S. what kind of loser looks for really obscure bible verses? Get a life, ginger

H: But what if I give you money?

P: Then I’ll have money and you’ll still have a wife. are u dense????

H: what am I going to do?

A1: here, read this

H: what is it?

A1: 95 Reasons Why Fuck The Church by Martin Luther

H: this is solid. hey popey screw you i’ll create my own church

P: You can’t do that

H: Watch me. *walks to catherine and hands her a paper* it’s not me, it’s you. you’re broken. enjoy a musty dusty crusty castle and don’t ever try to talk to your daughter

C: *runs out hiding her face*

H: hey Anne wanna fuck

A1: heckin yeah

A1: *births elizabeth*

H: *unamused* what is this

A1: a daughter

H: well you definitely had it because of incest and adultery and not at all because i’m in love with Jayne Seymour

H: I King Henry VIII order Anne Boleyn to be executed on the date of May 19th and on Tower Hill. An expert swordsman from Calais will be coming in to do the execution. He slices and dices heads like its nothing.

*leaves to go hunting anne walks on stage gets on knees before executioner*

Executioner: any last words, cause imma slice you up anyway

A1: the king is a total 10/10. everyone should fuck him. very fair and kind lover. also, it’s a good thing I have a long ass neck because then i know for a damn fact you won't botch this

E: cool *slices off head*

H: *pops up out of thin air* She dead yet?

E: Totes

H: hey Jayne wanna fuck

Jayne: *shrugs* why not

J: *births Edward*

J: I give to thee a son

H: good lord finally someone who isn’t broken

J: *dies*

H: *laying on the floor in a ball rocking* oh,,, ok

H: I need a rebound

Squire: *holds up painting* how bout this hottie?

H: yeah sure

Anne 2: sup

H: ehhhhhhhhhhhhh wanna fuck or whatever

A2: I mean yeah we’re supposed to

H: idk i’m just not in the mood though tbh

Kathryn: *exists and breathes near the king*

H: oh dang

A2: k, i’ll just leave since we didn’t do the dirty and I’m pretty sure I never broke up with my last hubby

H: k, imma just call you “King’s Sister” ‘cause that’s not weird at all

A2: k cool bye

K1: hey

H: wanna fuck

K1: that’s kinda forward but yeah ok. Can i fuck everyone else too

H: no, that's my thing

K1: sucks *winks*

H: I don’t get it

K1: oh you will just not from me

H: wait a diddly darn minute *dramatic pause*

H: I think she’s cheating on me

S: Noooo. You don’t say

H: somebody Anne Boleyn her

E: you rang?

H: I, still King Henry VIII, once again sentence my wife to death cause this one is a jerk, guys. Okay? She just *sighs* she just isn’t loyal. These girls ain’t loyal. So kill her. Please.

E: any last words? The last girl was uber lame

K1: sorry he just couldn’t get it up and sex was so boring. 3/10. couldn’t do it anymore. I have needs and they have to be met, you know?

E: understandable. have a nice day *sword goes ching*

E: lmao. I love this job

H: now what?

Katherine: Hey big boy

H: flustered oh dang

K: my hubby died and I can’t marry your dead wife’s brother soooo, wanna fuck?

H: oh cool

K: btw, I’m named after your first wife. I’m basically an infant but let’s not talk about that

H: Whatevs

K: I find your reformation of the church mildly attractive

H: thanks I guess

K: so ummm, when are you gonna die?

H: Right now *drops dead*

K: Yay I’m free to marry that Thomas guy. Btw, do you want help with your whole regency thing Eddie?

Edward: get out don’t call me eddie, you swine

Mary: what about me?

E: no

M: Yes

E: ok. *dies*

M: yay, now to undo my father’s work *kills protestants with fire*

Elizabeth: can I be queen when you die?

M: no

E: please

M: no

E: fine, jerk

M: imma die now, just don’t let my sister become queen *dies*

E: ha ha. Get wrecked cunt. imma redo my father’s work and never marry cause guys are dumb and also HA looks like i'm getting the last huzzah enjoy your tomb in the protestant church bitch. soon i'll be buried on top on you maybe you should have played dolls with me more when we were children lololol

THE END

[tumblunni]

Mannnnn I just cannot get over how many great well-developed relationships there are within the Rune Factory 4 cast! Its just great how much all the different love interests interact with each other outside of their romance route, and how all the non-romanceable characters are still an equally big presence by being family/mentors/employers/best friends/etc to the love interests and to each other and everyone has a job role in the town and they have so many great interactions and just GAHHHH its so great!! Its like one big family made of families made of families then you marry into the family and the family and also the family perhaps. THEN YOU HAVE A CUTE CHILD. aaaaaa

Anyway.. umm.. lol... Yeah THIS IS BUNNI JUST FLAILING AT HOW GREAT THE GAME IS

ALL THE FAMS:

Ventuswill the mentor lady best friend/team mum/LITERALLY THE GOD OF THIS COUNTRY AND A GIANT DRAGON man i just cry forever for her aaaa Everybody’s own unique love for her, and how she kinda unites us all as a family aaaa The butler family coworker trio who met each other because of her! I really like to see it as clorica and vishnal having a brother sister relationship, they dont get any particular big scenes together but they just seem to be such cute friends who never have any of the rivalry you’d expect when theyre both competing as volkanon’s students. VOLKANON IS LIKE YOUR GRANDPA AND HE IS THE BEST CHARACTER The whole restaurant fam! You get to see it expand as the story goes on! And aaaa its just so heartwarming that porcoline adopts all these random homeless people and aaaa!!! DYLAS LEARNED TO COOK. THEY ALL LOVE THEIR STUPID TWIRLY GOOFBALL DAD. And its so nice that these very different personalities end up coming together and being like siblings when they probably wouldnt have befriended each other if not for this random stroke of chance. Its just so cute seeing margaret looking out for her new brothers, and dylas being so polite and formal to arthur, and arthur just being all ‘haha i dont know anything about having a loving family what a rare novelty’ *constantly crying inside* And they bicker sometimes and when they team up theyre a super powerful force, and theyre all like the parents to porcoline’s childishness and aaaaa super talented restaurant fam, super colourful quartet of hugs aaaa THEY ARE MY FAVOURITE OKAY And Forte + Kiel adorable siblings with the unique plot and semi tragic aspect of living alone together at a young age and each trying to take the place of their deceased parents and protect each other And then Bado is like their weird adoptive uncle who’s lived next door since back when their parents were alive, and promised to keep them safe. but he’s kind of a wreck of a man who’s perpetually messing up his silly get rich quick schemes but DEEP AT HEART HE CAAAAARES! but still he is kind of a mess and would probably turn up drunk on their couch half the time. i love him he reminds me of sirius black if he ate del boy from Only Fools And Horses to absorb his strength And then there’s Illuminata who’s like Bado’s evil twin kinda?? They should have more interactions, theyre the bad influence grownups duo XD And I just love the underrated relationship between her and her ‘sidekick’ amber, and how she’s kinda like a big sister who doesnt wanna be called one. I totally only have you here to serve my nefarious purposes! Umm, I mean, my purposes of justice!! And then she’s often playing the cool big sis to all the various female characters in the town, even though at the same time she’s also part of the ‘adults who need a mom friend’ group XD I think margaret and forte actually win the crowd of the true mom friends even though theyre not the oldest (I also like that they have an unlikelu friendship together, though i wish if margaret is allowed to have a canonical gay crush then why isnt she allowed to be a gay marriage option...) And then Lin Fa and Xiao Mei kinda dont stand out as much cos theyre more of a very normal mother and daughter, beyond Lin Fa just being this spacey super nice but super clumsy person. She’s not quite the funny parent-child like porco and co, but she’s funny in her own way cos of how cheerful and positive she is about all her failures. Xiao Mei got all the common sense! Its also nice and cute how Xiao Mei is physically clumsy but super competant and mature, while her mum is perfectly elegant yet completely scatterbrained. And they’re both totally huggable, Xiao Mei dont be jealous that everyone has crushes on your mum! I feel so bad when she’s all ‘i’ll never succeed cos i cant be cute in the same way as her’, as if there’s only one definition of feminine beauty or whatever. CAN YOU NOT SEE YOUR MUM HAS FLAWS TOO. you are powerful togetherrrrrr! i am just so envious seeing these characters with supportive mums that’re like their best friend and they can talk about everything together ^_^ And then there’s the doctor family with the super lovey dovey married couple of funnyness and mushy mush, and they adopt some orphans too~! EVERYONE ADOPTS EVERYBODY: THE GAME. I love seeing the cold and distant Dolce warm up to them and regain her faith that she wont be hurt if she loves someone again. Also Pico is very cute and hilarious! Even if again I get very annoyed at this game having so much queerbaiting, lol. I kinda laughed at the wiki saying dolce and pico were ‘like sister’, i mean seriously?? Pico is like your typical ‘looks like a child but is really 100′ love interest and dolce is the poor harem show protagonist who never asked for this XD I do like though that even if it seems dolce very much doesnt requite pico’s feelings, theyre still best friends either way. Pico’s super comedic flirting attempts seem to come off like she’s completely aware that dolce doesnt love her back, and she just wants to make some humour out of the situation to let dolce know she still cares about her even if they’re never gonna date. Its nice, we dont often see relationships like that in fiction, a childhood friend who confess a crush, gets turned down, and it actually ends positively and they remain friends. Its just a shame it had to be like... one of the few openly LGBTQ characters in the game, and nobody is ever allowed to date anybody or have a happy ending or be a romance route or even mention the word gay, even as theyre constantly being incredibly vocal about how its canon these characters have crushes on each other. gahhhhh. I mean we literally have doug and dylas proposing to each other and confessing their love but LOL HA its just a ~wacky misunderstanding~ but btw lets just rub it in that they are VERY MUCH intended to be seen as gay by the audience but theyre not ~really~ gay even when we say they are and GAHHH okay sorry im getting offtopic now :P Anyway its really sad that Pico is stuck as the same unchanging ghost child while her best friend grows up and marries someone else. And man, she had to spend all those years guarding monster form dolce until someone was able to free her, and we dont even know how pico died so her life could have even more tragedy in it. After all that I guess its a relief that she can be this comic relief jerk-with-a-heart-of-gold manzai duo partner to dolce and also like the freeloading friend on her metahphorical ghost couch. And its nice how much the doctor couple completely accept ‘dolce’s friend’ and are some of the few people who never remotely worry about her haunting the town. And then AAAAA there’s the four guardians themselves who’re like a family cos they were all people who were like family to ventuswill in different time periods, and then met each other for the first time when they were purified from their monster forms and bonded over how much they all love the same friend. And theyre such a badass quartet of cool monsterfolks!! And I like that they have lil relationships inside the quartet, like how dolce and amber are polar opposite sunshine and grumpiness but dolce secretly likes her a lot more than she lets on, and how leon likes to tease dylas but also kinda be his wingman. And I like how leon takes this role to a lot of the other batchelors too, he’s this totally shameless frat boy big brother figure XD “HEY PROTAGONIST DO YOU WANNA HEAR ABOUT DOUG’S SEX LIFE” And then aaaa doug and granny blossom AAAAAA granny blossom is probably the character who gets the least scenes, backstory, and general focus, but I still love her a lot. And they have a good dynamic together! I like that it starts off seeming like just a completely normal grandma granson relationship, but then you learn later that he’s adopted, and that he actually began as a spy for the evil empire who realized the error of his ways after infiltrating the town and finding so much love inside it. And then he’s just so scared cos blossom’s illness might bring her to an early grave, and he’s always being disobedient and rebellious because he wants to do anything to protect her even if she tells him not to put himself at risk and AAAAAA

why are there so many amazing fams and theres even so many small hints of characters who maybe only interact once or twice and then there’s room to headcanon even more fams and AAAAAA and the protagonist’s place in the complex web of fams is up to you to decide!! ITS LIKE EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED IN A GAME

oh and randomly I liked that xiao mei’s father isnt a major character in the game, but there’s not any tragic reason or anything. he’s just a travelling merchant and lin fa is very accepting of her husband being gone off on trips for long periods of time, she has every confidence he will never stray away from her and she supports him pursuing his travelling dreams! and also it was funny how his one brief appearance has him with the generic traveller 3d model, to point out how much he isnt a main character compared to his wife XD and it was just really cute how happy everyone was when he visited, and how the player accidentally helps improve their family business! and aaa the backstory story about arthur’s mother is SO DAMN SAD, and dolce’s biological parents who she left behind when she sacrificed her life, and just AAAAA even the tiny one-line-only minor fams are such quality fams FAMS GAME REVENGE OF THE FAMS