#as a red he was just sooooo sad

[joshuamj]

Been meaning to draw this skin, its so pretty

[fourswords]

"blue would hate shadow" WRONG did you people even SEE how devastated he was when shadow died. blue's entire THING is going "ARGH WHATEVER I DON'T CARE" and then he proceeds to care so fucking deeply about everything. RED, on the other hand, ABSOLUTELY has a precedent for pulling some shit like. idk. locking shadow in a room full of light energy (or something like that) and then when the other three links are yelling at him to let shadow out he's just like "oh but isn't it so much more peaceful around here like this? teehee!!! :3 alright alright i'm just kidding!! i'll let him out now <3" like that little shit didn't even have the barest minimum of a REACTION when shadow died and he canonically holds grudges even if it's not for very long. blue and shadow would not be at each other's throats bro shadow would be hiding behind blue every time red comes into his line of sight for at least a week and a half because red keeps smiling and waving at him in a manner that somehow manages to be both cheerful and threatening at once. except nobody notices it but shadow so blue thinks he's fucking nuts but keeps letting him hide behind him anyway

[the-ellia-west]

How to make your readers Feel emotions for Dummies

(Characters crying edition!)

So... You can't write characters crying? (Or you just want to read this for some reason) Well, neither do I so let's get right into it! I should be packing for a trip but oh well who cares? Not me!

Yeah. Your character is crying and you want to know...

How to not make it cringe af

How to make the Readers relate to it

How to make the readers not only relate to it, but feel DEPRESSED

Step 1 - Do NOT over describe it I've tried to write this so many times and failed that I've realized it's just like good horror. If anything, don't describe the tears, describe their impact, describe the horror of why they're happening, what they're doing to your character. (Example at the end)

Step 2 - Make it at a time when we've had time to connect to the character Put it in the middle of the 1st or only book at the earliest. Other than that, put it later. The more time you spend with the characters, the more their breaking down will emotionally scar you. And that's what we want

Step 3 - Describe other actions for the character Deep breaths, falling to their knees, screaming, choking, cradling the body of a loved one, sad dialogue, other concerned characters, ect. Actions speak louder than words and that is sooooo true in writing. This one of those rare cases where show don't tell is a must.

Ex. (I'm using A and B for the character names cause I'm lazy)

The world seemed to slow as everything came crashing down around her as his body hit the ground, a soft thud the only sound she heard as the grass slowly turned from the light lively emerald of life, to the deep crimson red of death. He was gone. She ran over to him, his quickly fading labored breaths and her crunching footsteps the only sound as the sun shone into her eyes, blinding her. She dropped to her knees beside him, the tears already beginning to fall as she began to choke on her own words, unable to speak as she grabbed his hand. It felt warm in her palm as she clutched his hand close to her chest as the world came crashing back. The burning light of the sun in her eyes, the heat of it and the adrenaline on her skin, her brother's cooling hand, his raspy breaths, her sobbing gasps, the clash of metal against metal, the falling bodies, the raining blood. Then the screams. "A! A! What are you doing?! We're in the middle of a fight! Don't you remember what I taught you?" B nearly screamed at her, causing A to cry out in a mix of anguish and agony, panic finally reaching her as the impact of what had just happened finally hit her.

(Side note: If you liked the example, it will be part of my Fantasy Book series Coming out soon! More in my profile if you're at all interested)

That wasn't as sad as it could of been because you didn't know the characters, but it's definitely better than just an extended description of crying.

Anyway, thank you lovelies and I hope this helps you even a little bit! Love you, continue being awesome!

[Edit: WHY DO YOU LIKE THIS SO MUCH WHAT DID I DO TO GET SO MANY PEOPLE TO LIKE THIS???? I am flattered... Thank you?]

[buckgasms]

Bunny and Clyde reader who ties bucky to the bed after he did soemthing she didn't like and decides to edge him for however long she can... lets just say when he finally gets out he will be using her to cum which means there's no reason for her to cum as she'll just be his toy. I'm fact, maybe there's no reason for her to cum ever again...

Hello!!

Thank you for this 🤌🏼excellent🤌🏼 ask and for all the amazing asks that have come through in the last few days!

They are all perfect! Please always feel free to send me filth and fluff and anything in-between!

So let's get started with this beauty....

🐇

I love the idea that Bucky wakes up with his Bunny sitting on his lap, his hands tied to the bed and you have the most wicked grin on your face.

And he's sooooo annoyed because somehow you have managed to do quite a good job at tying him up and he can't get to you. Can't grab you and show you whose boss. And you know it.

And he's so fucking hard about it too.

And you know it.

"What's going on Bunny?" He growls, trying to keep his voice calm, he's still in control...surely?

You pout and rake your nails gently down his chest, wiggling your heat against his cock as you do.

"You made bunny sad..." He lets out a sound somewhere between a huff and a gasp as your nails sink in a little harder. "You made fun of me in front of the other girls at the club and I don't like that..." You rolled your hips to emphasise your point making him groan again.

"Bunny...I...I'm sorry. Just untie me baby and I can make it up to you..."

You giggle and climb off him shaking your head. "Umm no, I want to feel better Bucky, I want you to feel how I felt. I think that's fair..."

When Bucky would cast his mind back to the moment in question, he thinks he may have made some lame joke about your taste in music that made two girls slightly chuckle. But that was life with his crazy bunny....

His crazy bunny who was busy plugging in a vibrator and has a very wicked look on her face.

"Now Bucky, when I'm naughty you tell me I can't come, even when I really, really want to. So guess what?"

You wiggle the vibrator and turn it on, it's humming filling the room as you climb back onto the bed.

"Bunny I swear to god...."

But he's words die in his throat as you gently press the buzzing device to his cock. He does his best to wriggle away but you know his moves and settle yourself on his leg.

"That feel good Bucky?"

You smile at him, his face a picture of anger and frustration. You know when he gets out you are in for it, but you figure you may as well enjoy yourself beforehand.

You lean down and press some kisses to his leaking tip, licking and sucking gently as the device presses into his balls.

"Fuck Bunny..." He lets out a delicious groan as his hips thrust forward into nothing. You suck a little harder, letting his tip hit the back of your throat before pulling away and letting the device take over.

"You gonna come Bucky? You sure look like you might..."

He growls and shakes, beads of sweat forming on his brow. His breath catches in his throat so you pull the vibrator off and giggle. "Uh uh! Not yet..."

He curses and tries to grab at you, but the binds are too tight. He exhales deeply and you feel his body relax a little. Well most of it.

"Look at your cock... It's so perfect" you muse as you run a finger over it, spreading his precum and making him cry out.

"Ooh too sensitive?? Poor Bucky, you need to try a lot harder if you want to make it up to me..."

He pants and tries to make his features more pleasant as he looks at you. "Told you bunny... Untie me... I'll make it up to you..."

You cackle and crawl over him, pressing a kiss to his face before pulling back.

"Nope"

🐇

Not to waste an opportunity you spend a little time grinding on him, letting yourself come as you ride his thigh and his stomach. You make a real mess of him, pressing kisses to his face as you deny him any pleasure.

His cock is throbbing and red but you are as good as your word and have refused to give him any release. You've teased, sucked, licked and vibed him to the edge many times, but nothing.

He must be delirious by now, you think as you consider finally letting him loose. Maybe too tired to punish you, and by the morning he will have forgotten all about it....?

What you didn't realise was that despite your hard work Bucky had been secretly working at releasing himself from your trap. Every moment of fury, focused on his escape.

To be honest he was actually very proud and he was as hot for you as he was cross. He should know better than to tease you, because you were his crazy Bun Bun.

But you had had your fun. It was his turn now.

You were standing in the middle of the room staring at the vibrator in your hand, deciding what to do next when you felt a strong pair of arms wrapped around you.

You let out a shriek as Bucky squeezed you tight and practically lifted you off the floor. "Buckyyy no!! Was gonna untie you just now!!" You wailed out as he threw you on the bed and squashed your body with his.

"Too late pretty girl, it's payback time..."

With a swift move he tied your hands together behind your back and pushed your face into the mattress, ass up in the air. Your feet kicked uselessly as he used the other rope to tie your ankles together.

"Now that's more like it. Just how a bunny should be." He said and you can imagine the smirk on his face as he admires his handiwork. You whine his name again but he just lands some broad spanks to your ass cheeks making your squeal.

You feel your face flush as his fingers spread your pussy lips apart and you feel his spit land on your soaked holes. His fingers delve in and out of you taking his time, prolonging the torture.

"Now bunny...I'm not cruel like you. You can come as much as you need. I don't mind one bit. In fact if you keep coming all night long that's fine with me. But I'm gonna keep using these holes until I'm satisfied... Ok? Don't care if you come so much you cry, dont care if you get all sore and puffy.... You made me wait, over and over and over. So I'm gonna keep going until I feel better. Got that?"

He took your moan as agreement before sinking into the hilt, a satisfied groan escaping from his lips. The room was filled with the slapping of skin at a steady pace, his filthy talk and your moans.

His hands gripped the cord around your wrists for purchase as he bounced you harder and faster chasing his long delayed release until his hips stuttered and he groaned, leaning down on your body for support as he emptied himself inside you.

He took a moment to recover before pulling out. Rolling you over and taking the sight of you in. Giddy smile on a tear stained face as you rolled a little more to look at him.

He sits himself down and pulls you into his lap and pushes his cock into you, enjoying your face of delight and the sound of his fat cock filling your already full hole. He gives you both a moment before bouncing you up and down as you can do nothing but take it, a glassy look drifting across your face.

"atta girl..."

🐇

It was early morning by the time he finally relented.

He'd fucked you every way he could think of, making up for all the orgasms you stole from him and then some. You had gone beyond the path of pleasure into another realm. Everytime you thought you couldn't come again, he dragged another from you. You were lucky you lived in his private mansion because you were sure the neighbours would have raised hell by now.

Now you were sitting in the bath, still trapped on his cock as he gently cleaned you all over, pressing kisses to your soft skin and whispering praises and filth in your ear.

"You like this don't you bunny? You like when we get a little feisty hmm? Like riling me up huh?"

You hiccup out a giggle when he drags a finger over your sensitive folds, reminding you he's still very much seated inside you with a gentle roll of his hips.

"Buckkyy I love it but please... I can't come again...please..."

He presses soothing kisses to your cheek and lays back pulling you with him, making his cock sink deeper somehow.

"Told ya bunny, I don't care... Your gonna come, just come baby, don't care how much it hurts, I want, what I want..."

He swipes and flicks at your puffy clit and gently thrusts upwards making the water slosh around you. You emit a long high pitched moan as your peak slowly but forcefully knocks the wind from your lungs.

He presses soft kisses to your face and shoulders, gently stroking your worn out limbs as you shudder to a halt, utterly exhausted.

"Good girl, that was a really good one Bunny..."

Eventually he is drying you off and bringing you back to bed, which he seems to have remade in your absence.

Your tired body slides into the middle of the bed and you sink into the pillows, limbs heavy and achey but you still feel on cloud nine. Strong arms wrap around you again, this time a lot less tight than the time before.

"Oh Bunny, such a silly girl hmm?"

You laugh softly, your voice feeling a little croaky as he presses kisses to your neck, making your tingle all over.

"Msorry Bucky. I just don't like it when you tease me in front of people..."

He chuckles as you yawn, hugging you closer and slotting his body closer behind yours. "I should know better shouldn't I baby girl?"

You yawn again and nod, letting your eyes flutter closed as his hands smooth over your body, gliding over your thighs, holding you tight.

You are just about to doze off when you feel his hands lift your thigh upwards and he presses his cock back into your pussy. You gasp and grip onto the pillow as his deep groan mixes with a chuckle.

"Bunny you need to pay attention more...I don't feel better just yet. Maybe one more and I'll feel better then..."

🫠

[mattscoquette]

my experience meeting the triplets/ going to their tour ౨ৎ ⋆.˚ ✧

first i just wanna say, i am so so so insanely grateful to have attended both tours and to have met them twice. i’m not trying to brag or anything but a lot of people ask me and i figured it be easier for me to make one post rather than answer inbox questions a million times that get lost.

2/5/23 - let’s trip tour

i met the triplets for the first time during the let’s trip tour. i vividly remember being at work when the tickets went on sale and i was gonna go w my coworker but things fell thru and i went alone, and that alr was nerve wrecking enough. but i met a lot of cool people on line and everyone was super friendly. i got the pre-show small talk package, so i got to meet them before i saw them on stage. i also wrote them letters (idk if they ever opened them) but it was honestly fate when i stopped to drop them off in the present bin because there was a group of three girls in front of me so i wasn’t super rushed when i was meeting each triplet.

i met chris first! i was soooooo nervous but the second i started talking it all went away. the first thing i noticed was how small they are irl and immediately after was how fucking good chris smelled 😭 he was soo sweet. i told him how i loved watching their videos w my mom and that she was his favorite. i can’t rlly remember what else i talked about him with, and i tried to screen record my camera but i didn’t turn the mic on so i lost all the audio 😭😭

next was matttttt the loml. i was immediately soo comfortable around him, i was literally just talking like a normal conversation without even thinking. i asked him how the tour was going and he told me he was sad it was ending soon. and then i told him how one of my best friends is a triplet and we talked about that, he told me his dad is a twin and that everyone thinks he nick and chris are identical but they aren’t. he was so sweet and really listen to what you have to say, i had such a nice time talking with him.

when i met nick my auto pilot like shut off and i froze 😭😭 i literally out loud was like “i am so nervous” and he was so sweet about it, he hugged me a second time and was like “no don’t be it’s okay!” lmfaoo. i didn’t get to talk to him as long but i remember him telling me it was super nice to meet me after.

on line for the red carpet, i met madi! she was just walking around the venue, and she was over by me and i asked for a photo. she was soo sweet (and so pretty irl omfg). i didn’t wait in line for the red carpet for very long, i got merch, and then i did my photo w them :,) tbh i honestly don’t lovee it because i rlly don’t look the best in it lolol. bur ill pull thru and show u all. but this was back when u got to pick ur own poses and we all did hearts with one another (idk if that makes sense) and i stood next to my mannn😛😛

i look so diff now like i actually hate how i look when i met them but that’s beside the point 😭😭 but they all looked sooooo good. also for reference im about 5’3-5’4ish.

show-wise, it was sm more fun than the versus tour tbh. i got to see yung pleit perform and he opened w miss me and everyone was going insaneeeee. i was literally like one person behind the baracade, i was so close it was so so so cool. the triplets went on for maybe twenty minutes but they read the question i asked them which was so cool. and mary lou, jimmy, justin, and nate were all at my show!! they were on the balcony above the stage and were waving to us it was so cute. i had such a fun time at this show i wish i could go back

10/9/23 - the versus tour

this show was soooooo so so so special to me. i was going through a really really hard time. and this show made me so happy and gave me such a nice break from everything. this show wasn’t as close as the first show so i went to with my mom (she was team orange lol). i also got to meet some old online friends i made which was so nice :,) like the last tour, i got pre-show small talk. my only complaint though is that when i bought tickets backstage wasn’t available, some friends and i called the venue and they told us there was no backstage , but there actually was :( but im still sooooo grateful i got to meet them!

the order was the same as last time- chris, matt, then nick. i was so nervous about meeting them again, i literally almost forgot to take a pic w chris LMFAO. he was so sweet, he asked me how i was doing, if i was excited, all that good stuff. this time was a lot more rushed than the first, but i still got a decent amount of time with each triplet. i also got them each to draw me my fav angel numbers to get tattooed, i still haven’t gotten it yet but when i do i’ll post it :)

i was sooo nervous to meet matt again lmfao but as soon as i went up to him i felt fine. i complemented his outfit (he had on his white eeyore jacket 😭😭 so cute) and we took our picture and when i was leaving he told me it was rlly nice to meet me :,)) he is sooooooo pretty irl like his eyes r so blue and his earrings r so sparkly i was literally like in a trance. omfg.

nick was soo sweet he gave me such a big hug and was so smiley and asked how i was doing, same as chris. he also rested his head on mine when we took our pic togetherrr. he was so so kind.

my show was a monday so they had uploaded a podcast while i was on line for the red carpet, so i listened to that a bit while waiting. this tour we had pre-picked poses, but i did the hearts again. i stood in between matt and chris, and i said i wanted hearts and matt immediately did half the heart and put his arm around me so we did the heart tgth 😭😭

lowk not a fan of this pic either but :( so sweet. i love them so much. i also wore platform shoes this time lol so that gave me some height.

the show was so good! so much more entertaining than what the triplets did the first time. it was very engaging, and so fun to watch. lowk bitter i didn’t get picked to be matt’s teammate but we move. anyway. each challenge was so fun, me and my friend knew almost all the trivia questions they did 😭😭 and jenga was sooo stressful to watch lmfao it was so close the whole time, i think we had one of the longest jenga shows of the tour lmfao. chris ended up winning bc matt dropped the jenga tower and they were both tied. it was such a fun experience im so grateful to have gone !

© mattscoquette

[siscon-stsg]

I dream of Big bro Satoru convincing his little sister that he absolutely needs to touch her and making her think its normal ): Telling her if she doesn't help him cum than he can't, and being blue balled hurts sooooo much. So of course she helps out. Ugh. Love big bro Toru sm 😩

AAAAAAAAA he'd be so scummy!!! a huge perv who walks around the house with a raging boner just because your shorts a little bit too tight. 🩷

BIGBRO!TORU who loves your clan barely educated you in sex stuff because it means he can get you to do whatever he wants! you believe him when TORU tells you his cock hurts when it's so hard, and by the way it throbs and it's so red at the tip, you guess he must be telling the truth. BIGBRO!TORU he tells you it only gets better when it's between your legs! so TORU starts to spend a lot more time there, even makes you cockwarm him while you're eating breakfast! he makes sure to cum a lot inside of you before you go to clan meetings together, then shoves things inside your pussy to make sure it doesn't leak. can't waste a single drop of your big bro's milk or he'd get sad! :(

[merakiui]

MERAAAAAA Octavinelle stans got fed sooooo well yesterday. Toddler tantrum Azul... that's how he acts if you turn down his confession /j

Floyd & Riddle first meeting... Floyd grabbing Riddle's hair and went hey it's red but it's not hot LMAO. You know Riddle got so mad he's vibrating so hard both Trein and Vargas gotta restrain the whole 160cm of him.

Jade <3 he's so silly and now we got canon proof that he thinks he's better looking than Floyd. Oh how his heart breaks if you pick Floyd over him :<

I still can't get over it...... the way he looks so much smaller when he doesn't have his coat,,,,, the sheer panic and fear on his face and in his actions when he scrambles,, THIS FACE!!!!! SEEING THE REAL AZUL AND NOT THE POMPOUS TAKO HE USUALLY ACTS AS!!!!!

.·°՞(≧□≦)՞°·. my heart.... it shatters for poor tako,, as much as I clown on his tantrum, it's still so sad to see him in this way. But also,,, that sort of broken expression is too attractive. ;;;; forgive me, Zuzu, but tako tears are so appealing.

And the first meeting between Floyd and Riddle!!!! I love how Floyd is sent flying across the room from the magic blast all while Jade is dying from the laughter. I saw someone say it's not a meet-cute, it's a meet-ugly and if that isn't the truest thing!!!! The mental imagery of Riddle having to be physically held back by Trein and Vargas is so funny LOL. He was absolutely fuming.

I should say I'm shocked that's how Jade sees his brother, but as someone who has a sibling that's just average sibling behavior. T_T those eels are so silly. The sibling rivalry when they're both in love with the same person would be extreme,,, Jade who thinks his chances with you are significantly better than Floyd's. Just look at this dopey version of Floyd. Surely you can't see anything promising in that. Oh, they would sabotage each other whenever they had the chance. >_< it's over when or if they both decide to work together to achieve the mutual goal of having darling all to themselves.

[spideysbruh]

karma

summary- yn and shawn mendes break up. things get a little messy. timothee comes into the picture.

a/n- i can make shawn mendes a lil mean in this idc idc!!! also, ~~~ means time has passed

@popbase tweeted-

BREAKING NEWS: Actress Y/N L/N and popstar Shawn Mendes have officially broken up after three years together.

@ynsperfectlywrong replied- WHAT NOOOO💔💔💔💔 MY PARENTS

@sabrinasyn replied to @ynsperfectltwrong- guess your @ is real now...

@spideysyn replied- TOO SOON 😭💔💔

@ynscinderella replied- you can tell they've been broken up for a while bc they used to alwayssss post each other and then it just Stopped.

@yngoddess replied- I wonder why... he did seem a little off towards the end

@whenyoureyn replied to @yngoddess- you don't know them.

@rodrigoyn replied- he's been detached from everything recently. she can only help him so much. I hope he gets better.

@lauriesrings replied to @rodrigoyn- fr maybe he'll write an album about it LMAO

liked by melissabarrera, tchalamet, madisonbeer and 2,887,398 others

y/n alexa, play dangerous by madison beer

view all 43,826 comments

ynssocks OOOOF

madisonbeer great song 👍

y/n liked

ynstan MAKE HIM REGRET IT

chalshalamet has timmy always liked her posts ???

spideyyn bro's making a move 💀💀

shawnsyn that song though.... what did he to our girl😭😭😭

@celebritynews tweeted-

Shawn Mendes has recently spoken up about his and y/n l/n's breakup in a recent interview. "we were both just really wrong for eachother. towards the end, i felt like we were just completely different people. It wasn't like my previous relationships, it was almost suffocating."

He continued to say that the relationship was a great "learning experience", but still mentions his ex. "Our relationship was, for the most part, amazing, at the time it was a breath of fresh air. But it just wasn't how I imagined and previously experienced."

There are no comments yet from y/n on this.

@ynsgoldfish replied- oh so he's still in love w his ex.... and was constantly comparing the two girls and the two different relationships?? okay. got it. fuck this guy lol

@chappellyn replied- bro he's still obsessed with his ex im dead. didn't they date for like. one year barely 💀💀

@midnightyn replied- it wasn't like he "previously experienced" ummm maybe that's a good thing??? he's so fucking stupid.

@sunriseyn replied- remember when she had made a silly little tiktok about how she thought taron egerton was rly cute in Kingsman and Shawn then posted a video of him singing some sad song and also another tiktok showing how jealous he was LMAOOO sore loser. he doesn't know how good he had it with her.

@girlyyn replied to @sunriseyn- this^^^ like there were soooo many red flags w him but we were all just so in love w the idea of the relationship nobody saw it coming fr

@y/n tweeted-

my kink is karma

~~~

@popbase tweeted-

Shawn Mendes has just announced a new single! Releasing at the end of the month, titled 'Miss You More Than Anything'

@ynsgf replied- sooo embarrassing 💀💀

@fiveyn replied- bro realized too late LMAOOO sucks for him.

@chalametyns replied- it'd be sooooo funny if it was bad 💀

@bluecurtains replied- oh it will be 💀

liked by tchalamet, florencepugh, dovecameron and 2,236,366 others

y/n feeling like a feather

view all 67,282 comments

sabsyn WITH YOU OUT MY LIFE 🗣🗣🗣

ynsbabe her post breakup journey has been so beautiful to watch tbh. I hope she finds someone who loves her fully

beachyyn 'post-breakup' it's been like almost a year already

tchalamet pretty

y/n 🫶💕

blankieyn UMMMM ??!?!!!

laurieslaurence wait- WAITTTTT

loveryn rue, when was this??

~~~

@popnews tweeted-

'Miss You More Than Anything' by Shawn Mendes has been out for several months, and is still the singers lowest grossing song ever.

@sabrinayn replied- the shadeeee 💀💀

@pinkyn replied- FOR Y/N UNITED WE STAND

@thankfulyn replied- I listened and... it's definitely a song with lyrics and a beat 😁

@warmyn replied- he'll never be loved by the masses again, it's crazy. almost sad... almost

@cineyn replied- "still" is so funny I cant

@timotheeyn replied- that's why she's with timothee now 💀

@sunnyyn replied to @timotheeyn- wait, it's confirmed?!???

@timotheeyn replied- not by them, but it's pretty obvious LMAO

tchalamet just posted a story!

@y/n tweeted-

not a lot going on at the moment, but life is good 🙏🏼🙏🏼

@ynsgirlfriend replied- you're so funny girl I love you

@y/n replied- why am I funny? im just vibing fr

@ynsautumn replied- she's living her best life fr

liked by tchalamet, shawnmendes, sabrinacarpenter and 3,287,272

y/n come with me... and you'll see...

view all 198,937 comments

lauriesrings THE WONKA REFERENCEEEE

rachelzegler literally the prettiest girl ever

y/n liked

y/n I literally love you so much.

ynsdinonuggets shawn liking is crazy 💀 SHE DONT WANT YOUU 🗣🗣🗣

piercetheyn imagine fumbling y/n 💀💀..... @shawnmendes IMAGINE 💀💀💀

tchalamet a worlddd of pure imagination !!!!

y/n omg youre my favorite actor hmu 😍

florencepugh so beautiful I miss you!!!

y/n liked

liked by y/n, francesa.scorsese and 4,847,727 others

tchalamet one year with you is crazy. best year of my life. you're the sunlight on my darkest days and just what I need on the good ones. you are everything I've ever wanted in one person and even more than I ever imagined. I miss you even when I'm right beside you, but especially when I'm not. I Love you, Y/n L/n.

view all 322,727 comments

laurieslaurence BROOOOOO

y/n im crying in this panda express omg

tchalamet liked

y/n you make me feel so special and so so loved. happy one year, timmy 🩷

tchalamet you are loved. happy one year, my love

alessiacara yall are too cute omg

ynscurtains BRO ONE YEARRRRR !?!!

kylesballs ellos son mis padres 😁

y/n just posted a story!

caption- 💕💕

liked by madisonbeer, tchalamet and 3,186,616 others

y/n I love you. you are the best thing to ever happen to me. you came during a confusing, heartbreaking, tumultuous time in my life that I was sure I would never get through. but I did and you were my reward. god, what a reward. I am forever grateful for you and everything you've taught me, and are continuing to teach me. happy one year my beautiful Man.

view all 122,282 comments

ynsmotivation okay I may be delusional but 'Man' being capitalized... maybe cause shawn was, and still is, acting like a boy LMAOOO

tchalamet I love you my pretty, talented, inspiring, strong, beautiful girl.

liked by y/n

harpyn and NOTHING for shawn 🤭🤭 funny how things work out.

rachelzegler we gotta have a double date soon!!

liked by y/n

*

[aoi1dee]

OLNF Week Day 1: Soulmates/First Meet

@olnfweek2024 a short fic is down below...

(This idea was based on the red string of fate and the Egyptian-Greek myth which posits that humans originated in pairs, bound in one body, with one original soul, but were split in two)

Everyone has a soul, even if you can’t actually see it, it’s there. It’s what makes people who they are according to Alex’s Mama. That string attached to his chest is what shows it. Mama explained that a long time ago before the world and humans were a thing, souls were complete in their body and that was how the world was supposed to be. Until one day, right before the true beginning of the world, a lightning strike hit every single soul and split them into two. The two souls were separated and forced to search the world hoping to one day find their other half… The only thing that connects the two souls is that string that connects to your heart (which is apparently where your soul sits). Nobody can see that string other than you and your soulmate. No matter how far away your other half is, that string will still be there and will lead you to them. But that story doesn’t mention two things:

Not every soul got split.

Some souls were split into more than two.

And that second one is exactly what is wrong with Alexander Morello. It was very weird for him. To always hear about everyone being excited to finally find their other half. He has never heard anyone say anything about finding their other halves plural… When he tries to explain to people that he has two strings of course no one believes him. He’s the only one who can see it. Though the one person who truly believes him is his Mama. There were only a couple of things Alex knew about his soulmates: they were very far away in the same direction and that they tugged at the string a lot. Alexander never responded; he didn't want them to get their hopes up. What if he wasn’t good enough for them? Alex is an anxious kid who is afraid of every single thing in the world. How is he able to protect them from all the dangers and sad things in the world if he can’t even protect himself?! Even the kids at school agree that he will be useless to his soulmates. Well maybe he shouldn’t listen to what other mean kids think… Luckily, he most likely won't meet his soulmates super soon. Mama said that he won't meet his soulmates until college at least. So maybe he has time to figure everything out! Oh but she was sooooo wrong… Cause now here he was standing in front of his two soulmates in the middle of the forest in the new town that he just moved to maybe ten minutes ago. They both stare at him in two completely different ways. The boy on the left, his name is Qiu Lin, is looking between him, the string that is attaching the two of them together, and the string that is attaching him to his other soulmate. That other soulmate, her name is Tamarack Baumann, is practically bouncing up and down in pure excitement. Alex honestly can’t tell what is going on behind her red eyes.

How did Alex manage to meet both of his soulmates in one day? That's what he was wondering too.

It starts with a simple request from his Mama. She explained to him that he should go out and take a peek around the neighborhood since they were going to be living there for a bit. Alex at first was honestly terrified but after a little encouragement from Mama, he tiptoed away from the porch and into the middle of the cul-de-sac. For a second he really didn’t know where he was supposed to be going until something poked his shoulder. Of course his honest reaction was to scream at the top of his lungs alerting the entire neighborhood to his location. Give him a break, it scared him. Though that scream was for nothing it was just a paper airplane. But that paper airplane had his name on it! With a code? What were those words supposed to mean together? It was a mystery worth solving!!

So Alex made his way to the location of where the airplane had come from. When he walked up to a fork in the road he noticed something. The strings went down separate roads! Looking at the path on his right, it looked like his soulmate was closer than before. So he followed and met his first soulmate. God they were so excited to see him. The first thing the kid did when they saw him was jump down from their fort (gave Alex a genuine heart attack (it didn’t it just felt like it)) and start spewing out words Alex had a hard time comprehending. He was in another dimension, was this really his soulmate??!! They gave quick introductions and then Alex showed Qiu the note. He had explained that he owned the paper and wrote what was on there but didn’t send the airplane. Which unlocked a new mystery to solve!

Alex brought this new boy along to the other fork in the path where his other string went. He should’ve known something was wrong when Alex had mentioned the other string and Qiu had responded, “What other string?” But they continued on in hopes to find who sent the airplane and oh he did alright.

A girl burst out from a pile of leaves in the middle of the forest and squealed immediately when she saw Alex, “YOU’RE MY SOULMATE???”

That was where they are now, well after Tamarack had grabbed her bag and introduced herself.

“Your string goes to her too? Is that what you meant earlier when you mentioned another string?” Qiu questions. They aren’t connected?? Wait, why aren’t they connected?

“Wait! You’re connected to him too?” Tamarack looks up at Qiu wanting an answer.

“You two aren’t connected??” They both shake their heads in response. That doesn’t make any sense… Mama said that all three of them should be connected to each other. So why aren’t they???

“A-And you two can’t see that I’m connected to both of you?” Alex asks, trying to hold back bursting into tears. This isn’t how it was supposed to go… the three of them were supposed to be soulmates together!

“No” Tamarack immediately answers.

Qiu gets closer to Alex, “Hey, it’s okay!” He places his hand on his shoulder, “We don’t have to figure this out immediately!” Qiu’s attempt at reassuring Alex only slightly worked. The only thing that was on his mind was the pure fact that his worries were true, they were disappointed after meeting him. They probably were so excited to meet their soulmate, maybe having wonderful dreams but instead they find out that their soulmate is also soulmates with someone else… they’re probably heart broken.

“I-I’m sorry…” Tears begin to fall down his cheeks.

“What are you sorry for? It’s not your fault.” Tamarack grabs onto his hand, “Qiu is right, we can figure this out later!” Her smile is so bright…

“Yeah! Not like you can control who you are soulmates with.” Qiu looks down at him with a reassuring smile, “We should all totally hang out some more!” He giggles.

They want to hang out with him? They don’t hate him?

“Yes yes yes!!” She squeals, “Oh but my Omi would probably want me home…”

“Your Omi?” Qiu asks.

“Oh! It means grandma in German. They’re German.”

“Wait, does your Omi live in the big gray house in the cul-de-sac over there?”

“Yes!! I’m living there now!!” She once again bounces up and down.

“Alex and I live in the two other houses! He just moved here today!” Their voices fade as Alex begins to wander through his thoughts again. They’re all neighbors… both of his soulmates live next door to him… they want to hang out with him more… they don’t hate him… maybe.. things won't be as bad as he thought.

(I am not proud of this.. I genuinely didn’t know how to write it. I’m sorry I swear that the other days are much better…)

[darlingsfandom]

Those fics of cillian being obsessed with the reader's boobs are sooooo good 🤤 could we have a one shot about cillian with a sucking kink and mommy issues (even though the reader is younger than him) and he makes the reader come when he is sucking her tits and he unexpectedly cums too without even touching himself???

It helps that I love boobs myself! Boobs are great! Thank you✨

Tw: nipple play, nipple sucking, boob play, mommy kink , swearing and not proofread!

“Baby if you don’t hurry up, we’re going to be late!” You brushed out your hair while Cillian sat on the edge of the bed trying to fix the button on his pants.

“It’s only dinner with my family!” He was frustrated at this point and let out a huff before laying back on the bed. You set down your brush and walked over to him. Your hand ran over his arm gently as you straddled his lap. Cillian held onto your hips as he sat up to see that you had on the black bra with white polka dots , that one that cupped your boobs nicely. His mood instantly changed. A smile grew on your face seeing him so happy only to realize that he was more than just happy.

“What is it?” You asked tilting your head. His fingers pulled down the straps of your bra slowly before he reached behind you to unhook it but you smacked his hand away. “Baby! What do you think you’re doing?”

“I need to see your tits, please… mommy?” He gave you that signature pout that drove you crazy. The one that you can’t say no too! He knew what he was doing with that, the way his bottom lip stuck out with his blue eyes looking sad you knew what he needed.

With a soft sigh you nodded your head which made him light up like a kid on Christmas! He unhooked your bra faster than you could take a breath.

“So pretty mommy.” He wrapped his lips around your left nipple while his finger tips toyed with your right nipple gently. A soft moan left your lips when his warm wet mouth attached to your nipple. To some it might seem odd that your his “mommy” when your twenty years younger than him but neither of you cared. It made both of you feel good in a way that neither of you cared to explain. Your fingers ran through his hair carefully while he sucked your nipple.

“Who’s a good boy hmm?” You asked sweetly.

“Me! I’m yer good boy mommy.” Cillian looked at you through his eyelashes while mumbling his answer against your nipple. He pulled away for a split second only to switch nipples. His mouth wrapped around the right nipple which was more sensitive for some reason and he knew it! The way he licked the bud , swirling his tongue around it made your thighs clench.

“Yes you are! My good boy, yes that’s it baby, suck on mommy’s tits!” You praised while bucking your hips against his. You enjoyed humping him with your clothes on because it added extra excitement knowing that both of you were that needy. Cillian hummed around your nipple enjoying sucking on your tit, his cock was twitching feverishly in his pants which you could feel too since you were on his lap while he had lowered his head to suck your nipples.

“Fuck! Keep going baby! Yes!” Your nails dug into his scalp enough to make him groan against your boobs that were now covered in his drool. Red marks appeared around your nipple because he did bite little love bites around your nipples, he loved your boobs!

“So pretty mommy!” Cillian pulled away from your nipple to catch his breath. His lips were raw, red, swollen and covered in drool from sucking so much. You felt your orgasm about to hit. The combination of his mouth on your nipples sucking so hard and humping his thigh was about to send you over the edge. Cillian pulled on both of your nipples which let out a loud moan from your lips making Cillian almost cum in his pants.

“Baby baby baby! Yes yes yes! Keep going just like that! Oh fuck! Mommy’s gonna cum!” Cillian twisted your nipples hard before sucking on the left one making sure to look up into your eyes and when he bit down you pulled on his hair.

“FUCK! GOOD BOY!” You cried out shaking on his thigh as your panties got soaked and leaked onto dress pants.

“Oh mommy ! Call me a good boy again! Please!”

“My good boy! My pretty good boy! Fuck!” You huffed only to feel another warm liquid spilling onto you.

“MOMMY!” Cillian cried out bucking his hips upwards. “You made me cum in my pants.” He pouted again until he realized that you were smirking.

“Such a good boy for me!” You teased in a loving manner. Cillian pulled you down and rolled you over so you were on your back while he laid on top of you with a smile. The two of you shared a soft sweet kiss before he stroked your cheek and looked down at your boobs to see all the bruises and new bite marks he had left. He always enjoyed admiring his work because he knew he would be the only one who gets to see it.

[whoblewboobear]

There have been a lot of negative posts about how this season turned out bc of the rat grinders exclusively and everyone is entitled to their opinions on the season. But in light of it, I’m gonna throw out some positives about this season 💖

Sophomore year will always hold a special place in my heart because of the Fabian arc but Junior year might be my favorite fantasy high season overall. I loved learning about Ankarna and Cassandra. I thought I’d be bummed out not seeing some of my fave npcs but the downtime mechanic and the stress tokens added sO much. The Porter & Jace reveal was incredible. KRISTEN’S CAMPAIGN ARC!!! Fabian and Mazey!? K2 and all the blimey shenanigans 👏 Everything with Wanda Childa and Ruben and fig’s complicated women podcast was sooooo funny. I genuinely laughed harder this season than I have with any other d20 season I’ve seen.

I feel like with this season they really hit their stride with pacing too. It felt a lot more fluid with how we rolled into combat most of the time. I loved that first party of the year and seeing Adaine become the party wizard. After ep 18 it makes me love the party with the Oisin missing his shots so much more bc he got in that nasty little one liner later. I adored that the rat grinders were essentially a red herring to keep the bad kids looking elsewhere to take the heat off Porter and Jace a bit.

We didn’t see much from all of them, and we didn’t see nearly enough about Lucy, but I really loved the Rat grinders as in school rivals for the bad kids. Ruben was hands down my favorite but goddamn did I also love how much of a girlfailure Kip was. I loved seeing her rage out and I hope we get to see her really go nuts in the finale too. I really really warmed up to Mary Ann last episode with her tugging on Jace’s shirt and saying she didn’t feel good and then seeing her rage when her strawberry got destroyed. She’s so fascinating to meeee. I loved everything with Buddy and Kristen. I wish they had more scenes together. And while I’m talking about the Dawns, that entrance from Bobby Dawn as the new cleric teacher made my skin crawl in the best way. I loved Kristen calling him frumpy and sad on her teacher evaluation too- and holy shit Fig meeting Ankarna for the first time? Ankarna being the inspiration Fig needed to make music again too?

The incredible art from Cait May this season was hands down one of my FAVORITE d20 artist collabs ever. Just overall improved designs for everyone that just make so much more sense for their characters and art for new characters that made me adore them even more. Also holy shit the Porter maxi is genuinely my favorite mini that’s ever been featured on the show. I’m typically not into how the minis look in general, they always look a lil goofy to me but goddamn when they hit, they fuckin HIT.

And speaking of Porter, I really got endeared to him this season. Yeah he turned out evil and always has been a dick to gorgug and is definitely a shit teacher, but before the reveal I loved his training with Fig and Zara. One thing about Fantasy high is that I just love a lot of the teachers. My two faves this season being Terpsichore and Henry! They’re both so dedicated to their students and are such a specific type of teacher that you’ve definitely met before in real life. Like all my favorite math teachers back in school were so much like Henry and that made me love him even more.

Of course my #1 favorite thing about the world of Spyre is the religion aspect and how Brennan and Ally both approach it. That scene with Ally connecting with Yolanda and Lucy to allow them some comfort in the afterlife was so beautiful. Kristen’s talks with Bucky throughout the season were very touching and hit very close to home as someone that grew up in a religious household and doesn’t connect with the divinity I was raised on. Just- wow wow wow. I also really love that despite the breakup, Tracker and Kristen still have really interesting convos about divinity even if they don’t agree.

I loved seeing different dynamics in the bad kids too, I love the huge sibling energy that Fabian and Adaine have and the bond that Kristen and Fig have. I love how interwoven all the bad kids feel as a group. I love the little quirks that they all have, and I loved all the fandom posts about them like the sharing clothes posts and the one about how everyone lets Riz crawl on them to get better vantage points. I love Riz’s wall of text breaking down to gorgug about how much he appreciates him. Him calling gorgug a sweetie almost made me cry. I of course love all the parent/child moments this season. I loved the bad kids finally healing Lydia and seeing how happy it made Ragh. I LOVE Aelwyn and all her cats 🤧 I loved seeing Baron again and I loved how the bad kids got to the funhouse version of mordred through riz’s briefcase. I love seeing Adaine and Sandralynn bond. I loved finding out that Sandralynn and Sklonda go out for drinks and are friends. I just 💖 and goddamn, Ayda’s message to Fig and how Zara helped to surprise Fig with it. I love how Bill and Pok are such proud dads of their boys and I hope they’re doing some bonding over drinks in the after life.

And I cannot end this post without saying that I loved how cinematic this season felt too. It had INCREDIBLE imagery that you could easily visualize. Everyone at the table was in their element this time around from a role playing and a strategic standpoint. Everyone had their moment to shine and something important to do this season that fed back into the main plot. So thank you to Brennan and the intrepid heroes for giving us another killer season. After the season ended I was planning to finish Starstruck and Neverafter but I might just rewatch Junior year all over again just to get it out of my system.

Feel free to add things you loved about Junior year!

[lunarmoff]

You're not alone!

Sooooo I got into In stars and time a while ago and I came across an Au by @tealgoat called in tales of time. And its awesome!! I highly recommend it!! This fic takes place between Siffrin blast and End of act 5 falling. Anyways down below everyone has their own color for when they speak!

Odile: Blue Siffrin: Red Mirabelle: Pink Isabeau: Orange Bonnie: Green

<You can’t let them find out! No, no, no, no, no, NO! THEY’LL HATE YOU.> <What did Loop tell them!? IT DOESN’T MATTER JUST LOOP BACK-> <You feel a tug on your stomach. . . <. . . !> <You feel something grab onto your coat before you can loop back…You glance down to see none other than Sffrin climbing on your coat.> “Odile! Please! Stop running! You’ve been through all of this many times haven’t you? The way you went through the house without any problems by yourself… You knew what Mira’s papers were about…How you knew about Isa’s dream to design clothes…You taught  Bonnie to stand up to that sadness…And how you got me to open up about my forgotten past…” <Suddenly Siffrin looks up with you.> “Odile! What did you wish for at the Favor tree?!” <! No, no, no, no, no, NO!!!!> <The others down below become determined.> <NO! YOU CAN’T TELL THEM IF YOU DO THEY’LL HATE YOU- YOU DON’T WANT TO!!!!> “Tell us so we can help you Madame!” <Isabeau..> “Tell us already Dile!!” <Bonnie..> “Odile!!! This is what I wished for! I wished for Vaugarde to be saved!” “I wished for Nellie to be okay!” “I wished to be able to find you! To help you!” “And I wished to be able to help everyone!!! What about you Odile?” “What did you wish for!” <Mirabelle..> “What did you wish for, Dile!!!” <PLEASE STOP!!!!- I’M JUST SO TIRED! IT WON’T MATTER IT NEVER WILL!  I'M TRAPPED FOREVER IN THIS BLINDING PLACE!!! IT’S NOT LIKE IT WILL EVER COME TRUE!!!!!!!> <THEY CAN’T MAKE YOU TELL THEM! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE- LET ME REST!!!> “Tell us!!” “Tell us!!” “JUST TELL US!!!!” “TELL US- whoa- wha- AAAHHH!!!-” <Siffrin loses their grip and starts to fall. No! You won’t let him die because of you again!!!> <You quickly catch them with your hand and he looks up at you.> <Then- > <A flash you feel yourself return to normal. Your hair tie come out of its place letting your hair fall lose…> <You feel air around you as your family link their hand with each other and you as the stars shine above you.>

Art does not belong to me! It belongs to @tealgoat!!! Go check out her Au named In tales of time!! If you want to read the rest of the fic I'll put it down here! https://archiveofourown.org/works/58817581

[poppy-metal]

not you wanting the details re:ball sucking 😳 ngl it was the tip of the iceberg bc now he puts his fingers in my mouth while he eats my cunt and wraps his hand around my throat when he fucks me 🙂‍↕️ in my pampered princess era ✨

but now i’m thinking about citygirl!reader’s return to the small town to care for her ailing grandma, the ranch, and her one year old blonde baby girl. her rich husband ofc has to stay in connecticut doing what rich men do and as much as he loves her, he cannot imagine giving up their estate for farmland, golfing with the bros for a hard’s day work with the ranch hands, and vintage italian reds for american brewed ales. so with a kiss to the top of your head and continued access to his bank to care for the farm and granny, he sends you off with his daughter—the second love of his life.

you, on the other hand, are about to burst into tears at the idea of your little girl being near her daddy for the first time. the daddy that wants nothing to do with you and nothing to do with her. but as granny taught you, grit your teeth and keep straight on.

art can’t even begin to describe the whirlwind of emotions plaguing his every being when he sees you on that front porch, white linen dress billowing in the wind, a pitcher of peach iced tea in one hand, and a baby that’s the spitting image of him on the other hip. the bright smile on your face as you pour the tea into every ranch hand’s cup. the laugh that travels straight into his ears whenever a ranch hand makes a fool of themselves trying to make his baby smile. when he makes his way up to you, glass in hand, he tries to avert your eyes, but that means he’s looking right down at his daughter. he can feel your gaze on him. “hi, little one,” he says quietly, using his pointer finger to softly rub her cheek. she coos and nuzzles into his touch. “just like mama,” he says softly, just loud enough for only you to hear.

“you’re the first one to make her smile all day,” you say. art can’t quite place the tone of your voice: outwardly genial, but there’s a touch of apprehension, sadness, and wonder. he can’t help but feel himself open that box he tucked away two years ago and taste that familiar bittersweetness of loving you all over again, and he sees the future he could’ve had.

there’s a certain shyness in your interactions over the course of this summer; with your husband back east and lucy off in cambodia on a mission, it’s so easy to pretend the two of you aren’t married to other people. it’s almost silly. this man has fucked you every way imaginable, broken your heart more times you can count, but the way he cares for you, granny, and your—and his—daughter makes it feel all more new, more intimate.

he doesn’t touch you until the middle of june. it’s an especially rough heatwave that ravages the town, and you give the entire ranch a break for the day. granny is getting better, stronger. the single window a/c unit was moved to her bedroom, so your daughter sleeps in a crib with her grandma. your room is sweltering, but that doesn’t stop you and art from being entangled with each other. it was innocent at first: you and him kissing for hours, hands roaming but never reaching for the places that could escalate it. his body is sticky against yours, but you like the feeling of knowing that you can’t distinguish where you end and where he begins. and when it does escalate?

he doesn’t even fuck you. he just licks at your cunt until the sun rises; his fingers are in you, in your mouth, wrapped around your neck. your pillowcase are wet from your tears. his chin and your sheets are wet from you. and not once this entire night did he let you touch him, let him touch himself.

(finished my first week of teacher training and began setting up my classroom and the chairs and tables are sooooo itty bitty for my three year olds 🥺 but dw ranchhand!art will be making appearances in your inbox even once i’m teaching full time bc citygirl!reader and him deserve it 🙂‍↕️)

- 🤠

cowboy anon whenever I am down you came to pick me up, I swear <///////33333 I love mutual cheating. sigh. so romantic. art eating your cunt like a starved man because he's missed this - it's the his pussy. Jim looking up at you from between your legs, not letting you cum until you tell him who your pussy belongs to - it's reminiscent of the time he fucked you in the haystack the day before you fled, when he made you admit you loved him and couldn't even say it back - you'd thought he was the cruelst man alive at the time, but now you can see how much he needs to hear it.

like he's drowning and your confessions are the air in his lungs. you grip his hair and tell him you've always been his, always will be - and despite how much he's hurt you, your body will always be his too. his to do with what he wants. you couldn't deny him if you tried.

[am-i-obsessed---maybe]

Dark Glasses - Crowley x Reader (Platonic)

Sooooo, Nanowrimo was a bust, but you know what that means?

We're back with the fanfiction train! Choo Choo!

also reminder that requests are open! (just check out my guidelines first)

Wordcount: 1.9k

Summery: Friends support friends even when your friend is actually a demon but especially when your demon friend just got shot down by his long time angel crush.

The same man has been coming to your bar since you started working there five years ago. The other bartenders told you he's been around since you opened 20 years ago, he never gives his name and comes in with dark glasses no matter what time of day it is or whether the sun is out or not. Although unlike most regulars he doesn't have a specific drink he always orders. Sometimes it’s a rum and coke, sometimes he goes for a more classy bottle of wine, sometimes he'll even order a straight shot of liquor but he always tips well. 

You call him 'Dark Glasses'. You could have called him redhead seeing as his hair was the most vibrant red you'd ever seen. There was no way it was natural but that wouldn't be fair to him. Some people can get very touchy about red hair. 

Instead you called him dark glasses.

Dark Glasses came into your bar one day, sauntering over in the late afternoon, not an unnatural occurrence. The bar was basically empty with the exception of two friends that got a head start on the night's drinking. 

Dark Glasses sat down and you could feel the loss and pain flowing off of him, not like how you can tell with people. It wasn't his expression or body language that gave you the impression though, it was as if you felt his emotions. As if they were ebbing off of him. 

"Give me whatever's strongest" He said and you nodded, something told you he needed to drown out his sorrows. 

“One bone dry martini coming right up” you said. 

As you mixed his drink you periodically looked over at him, the poor guy was thrown over the bar as if it was the only thing keeping him from crying. 

You walked over to him and handed him the drink. 

"There you go sir" You said and he perked up only slightly, took the glass from you and downed the entire thing in one go. 

"I'll need another one" He said, pushing the glass back in your direction.

You stared at him, "That, that was a glass of straight vodka. three shots of vodka." You said, stunned. 

"I thought you said this was a martini" The man mumbled. 

"Yes, the glass is coated in a little bit of vermouth, that's what makes it so dry... You just downed three shots of vodka like it was nothing" You said. 

"Got a high tolerance, now can I get another one please?" He asked and honestly you were a bit too stunned to say no. 

After two more though you knew he was done. Normal people, even those with a high tolerance like he apparently has can't drink more than 6 shots of vodka without getting drunk and he was drunk. 

Mind you, not the fun kind he normally is. You're familiar with Dark Glasses when he's drunk. He slurs and gets very bold and flirty as well as clumsy, though not touchy which always surprised you. Now though, now was different. Now he was a sad drunk. Moping all around the bar. He could barely walk, instead he swayed from side to side and his flirting, something you could usually count on to raise your spirits, became lowley grumbling. 

"I think that's enough" You said, taking what little remained of his third glass and pouring it out.

"What? No! I'm fine" He tried to say but struggled with the last word. 

"No, you're drunk. You can stick around but the only thing you're getting is water" You told him and he made a face that almost looked like a snake trying to give puppy dog eyes. 

"Come on Y/N, you know me, I can handle anything" He said, pulling you by the sleeve over the bar. 

He's never initiated contact like that before. Not with anyone. 

"Alright, that's enough. Go home" You told him and he deflated. 

"Can't," He said. 

"What do you mean can't?" You asked. 

He had a home. He'd told you about it. A nice flat in mayfair with lots of plants. 

"Can't. Don't live there anymore" He said and you looked genuinely surprised. Is that what has him so down in the dumps? Was he evicted? Did the bank repossess his apartment?

"What about that bookseller friend of yours in Soho? Can't you stay with him?" You asked and he shook his head. 

"He's gone. He went to heaven" Dark Glasses said.

"Oh I'm so sorry" You said, maybe that was why he was so down. 

"How about this, I finish my shift in a couple hours, you can crash on my couch" You told him. You'd never have said this to anyone else but you knew Dark Glasses. You knew he was sweet though he hated when someone pointed it out and you knew he needed help. 

"You would do that for me?" He asked and you smiled. 

"What can I say, you tip really well" You joked and managed to get a chuckle out of him before he went back to moping. 

A few hours later He was leaning on you as you walked him out of the bar. Somehow still just as drunk as when you'd taken away his last drink.

"Wait, wait, wait, how are we going to your place?" He asked. 

"Car" you said. He wasn't heavy but keeping him walking in a somewhat straight line out was difficult.

"My car?" He asked. 

"No. You are not driving. My car" You told him and led him over to where your slightly beat up old car was parked. 

"Now come on, in you go" You said, trying to help him in. It took a minute but he managed to shimmy in comfortably enough for someone with very little control of their extremities. 

"I don't like this car" He complained. 

"Too bad" you told him, got in and drove off.

"Why are you helping me? You're never this nice" He slurred. 

"You're never this mopey" You retorted. 

"Yeah but, but..." He trailed off. 

"We're almost there just don't fall asleep the last thing I need is to try to drag you up to my place" You said and he nodded. 

"Don't worry, I won't, I can sober up whenever I want" He said and you shook his head. Sometimes Dark Glasses said the craziest things when he was drunk. Sometimes he'd say them when he wasn't drunk but that was neither here nor there. 

You eased him through the door to your flat and he smiled. 

"You have plants, very nice Y/N" He said and you smiled. 

"Thank you now you go sit down before you collapse all over my floor" You told him and he did as he was told, sitting down and then sprawling himself over your couch. 

"He used to do this too, when I was too drunk, he'd bring me in and tell me to sit" he slurred and you turned to him, confused. 

"Who?" You asked. 

“My angel” Dark Glasses said. You came over to him with a glass of water.

"It's hard, when someone dies. Grief is a powerful thing" You told him and he shrugged. 

"I wouldn't know" he said, slurping down the contents of the cup. 

"Just sleep. You'll feel better in the morning" you told him, spreading a blanket over him and placing the cup on the coffee table. 

"Try to make it to the toilet if you puke" You told him and went to bed yourself. 

Crowley had never been hungover. He'd always sober up before it got to that point but this time he didn't. Even the thought of sobering up made him think of his drinking sessions with Aziraphale. 

But Aziraphale left. He went to heaven and left Crowley to drown out his sorrows the human way. 

The first thing you woke up to was the loud sound of someone vomiting. 

"Please god let him have made it to the toilet" You said to yourself, throwing off the blacket and going to check on your mysterious guest. 

She must have thought it would be funnier to scare you because Crowley in fact made it to the toilet. Luckily. 

Crowley was practically puking his life out, once it was all out, at least for now, he heaved. 

"How do humans do this?" He asked. He had half a mind to miracle it all away.

"With years of practice" You said, making your presence known. 

"Ahhh!" He shouted, falling back on his butt only to rub at his head and groan, "Ugh". Now everything hurt even more than before.

He still had his sunglasses on, though the bathroom lights were off and the sun hadn’t even come up yet. 

"I always thought you were pretty strange but now I'm starting to wonder if you're sane at all" You said. 

"If you're worried I'll go crazy and attack you, you needn't be." He said quietly and you rolled your eyes. 

"As if you could with the way you are right now, you look like you've been dragged through hell" You said and Crowley looked back down at the toilet. 

"Oh you have no idea" He said. 

At this point he was simply sitting criss-crossed in front of the toilet so you sat down on the bathroom floor next to him. Checking the time, it had only been a few hours.  

"I know you've gotten drunk before, have you seriously never been hungover?" You asked. 

"Never" He said. 

"I don't think I believe you" You said. 

“Well it’s the truth” He said. 

“You are one strange specimen Glasses” You said.

“Glasses?” He asked. 

“Oh, um, you never told any of us at the bar what your name was so we just called you Dark Glasses… cause you’re always wearing your dark—”

“Yeah I get it” He said. “It’s Crowley by the way” 

“That’s quite the original name” You said.

“Used to be Crawley but that was a bit too” He made a hissing noise with his tongue and you noticed it was thin and split, like a snake’s.

“You know sometimes I wonder if you’re even human with all the strange shit that comes out of your mouth” You joked and Crowley laughed and then smirked. 

“You wanna know a secret?” He asked. 

You looked at him skeptically. “Do I?” You asked. 

He shrugged, “It’s up to you really” He said. 

“Then, yeah I guess”

“I’m a demon” He said. 

You chuckled.

He didn’t laugh. 

“No”

“Yes”

“I was the serpent of eden” He said, smiling.

“That’s not– no… cause that would mean that god” He nodded, “And satan” He nodded again. 

“The world almost ended four years ago” He says. It’s almost as if seeing your reaction is helping him get his spirits back. 

“You can’t just drop a bomb like that and move on!”

…

“How come it didn’t?” You asked. 

“We convinced the antichrist that the earth was actually pretty nice” He said.

“We?” You asked. 

“Aziraphale… and I” He said, his voice dwindling. 

“He’s that bookseller friend of yours right?” You asked and Crowley nodded.

“He’s the one that died, I’m so sorry Crowley” You said, putting a comforting hand on Crowley’s shoulder. 

“He didn’t die.” Crowley said. 

You looked at him, “But you said he went to heaven” “He’s an angel, my angel” Crowley said, his voice wasn’t a white, it was more just, sad and full of grief. 

“He went off to become the new supreme archangel of all of heaven” Crowley said, this time he was in fact whining. 

“Well then, he could come back” You said but Crowley shook his head.

“Not after he said he forgave me” He said. 

“Forgave you for what?” “Kissing him,” Crowley said sorrowfully. 

Oh.

“I’ll go get us both some wine” You said. 

[ughgoaway]

don't you think of me?

plot; snapshots of your breakup, with one letter underlining it all.

word count; 6.9k-ish

content warnings; swearing, dramatic overreactions, distressing dreams, depression, blood, general sad vibes, drinking and no happy ending (oops <3)

a/n; guys... angst is SO HARD. idk how people write it sooooo well. this fic is inspired by the songs "Sad Beautiful Tragic" and "I Almost Do" and the storyline is based completely on those songs! but there are a few other Taylor song references in the fic too. anyway, this kind of jumps around a lot, perspectives and timelines. so if it's completely incomprehensible, I am so sorry!! lemme know if it's so awful I need to have a re-write lol. I really hope the flashbacks are clear, and that this timeline makes any sense whatsoever <3

(p.s this is basically dedicated to 🍪 anon and bff anon, ty for riding so hard for this fic lol)

(this is non-canon)

✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿

The cold wind hurts Matty's face as he battles against it. Each gust feels like needles prickling his cheeks. But still, he pushes through, not really feeling much of anything these days anyway. The paper in his pocket scratches his hands as he burrows them in deeper, but he just grips it harder. The scratches made him feel more human anyway. They convinced his hazy head that maybe life was still happening around him. 

The red post box in front of him is almost taunting. He stands frozen, gripping the letter he’s worked so hard on tightly. He has the passing thought of just letting it go, watching it blow away in the breeze, and never having to think about it again. 

He never has to think about you again. 

But he knows that's unrealistic. How can he never think of you again when you're all he thinks about? Every waking thought he has is about you. He still thinks about how your breathing changed when you slept next to him. The way your lips curved into the smirk he loved whenever you teased him. The flush that covered your cheeks when he did it back. 

Every morning, he still gets out 2 mugs. He still grabs your favourite wine at the shops and doesn't say yes to plans without thinking if he should check with you first. The last time he saw you was still burned into the back of his mind, and he was not sure it could ever leave. 

And to be honest, he doesn't know if he wants it to. If healing means forgetting you, forgetting everything you built, then maybe it is better to live in the pain. Each time he begins to heal, he picks up the scab over and over again. The sting reminded him of you, so he picked and picked. Blood poured from him relentlessly, but that was all he could do. Bleeding for you was all he had of you anymore.

He shoved the letter in and walked away briskly. He fought every bone in his body telling him to go back. To smash the post box and filter through every letter until he found his. He imagined a world in which he hadn't sent it, where instead he turned around and marched back to his house. 

Or maybe there's a world where he marched to your house instead. Maybe he finally got over himself and told you everything in person. He begged and pleaded for you to forgive him, to look him in the eyes and tell him you've been hurting just as much as him.

Matty isn't sure that world exists, though.

✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀

3 days later, when it arrives, you stare at it endlessly. You move it from place to place in your apartment and try to visualise opening it there. But soon enough, that just becomes you avoiding that room like the plague, and you start to treat parts of your flat like they are infested with a deadly virus. But they're not, really. They're just filled with a small envelope with your name on it and a return address you know all too well.

You decide you aren't going to read it 2 days later. You hold it over a candle and watch the amber flames lick the bottom of the envelope. But before you can set it ablaze, some instinct takes over, and suddenly, it's the most important object you've ever owned. You pull it from the flames and put it out with your fingers, not caring if the fire sizzles your skin. You cry and beg for it to be okay, tears streaming from your cheeks as you frantically pull it open, “No no no. fuck, please.” 

But the letter inside was unscathed, just the corner of the envelope was covered in a thin layer of ash. As soon as you see that handwriting, though, you feel the unspeakable urge to burn it again, to set it on fire and watch it burn. 

You don’t. 

You lay it on the table and go to bed. You decide tomorrow will be the day you do something with it, even though you promised yourself that every day since you got it. But you're sure tomorrow will really be the day. It has to be.

You return to the warm solace of the bed you've grown to know too well over the past few weeks, and the duvet welcomes you in like an old friend.

✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀

It's a few days after he sent the letter and the day after you received it when he sees you for the first time, and he can't quite believe it. There you were, standing in the coffee shop you always went to together. 

He wondered if the baristas had noticed you both started to come in without the other. Maybe they started gossiping about it, “Did those customers break up? I never see them together any more” and he could almost see someone else saying “I hope not. They were cute.”

Even though he knew no one would ever actually say that, and that the baristas hadn't noticed anything.

Some force that he couldn't explain pulled him towards you, and before he knew it, he was reaching for your arm. “Hi” he breathed out heavily, staring at you like he wasn't sure you were real. He wasn't convinced that you were anything but a figment of his imagination. Has his delusions about you already gotten to the point where he's having visions? He thought it would take a few more months for that.

“Matty?” You say gently, tracing your eyes over the man in front of you. Hearing your soft voice after months without you felt like heaven on earth for Matty, relaxation washing over him just at the soft dulcet tones of you.

Matty smiled softly at you, and you immediately returned it. He can see the cogs turning in your head on how to greet him. Was a hug too much? Is a wave too little? Is a handshake too formal? Overthinking was one thing you were so good. Matty was sure you could win an award for it. So he decided to take the decision into his own hands and wrapped out up in a hug, burrowing his face in your hair and smelling that familiar floral aura he'd fallen in love with.

Your whole body tensed when he first touched you. The once familiar feeling now was slightly cold and awkward. But Matty felt you relax and couldn't help the grin that spread across his face the the feeling of your head in his neck, the place you always used to lay. He swore he could feel you breathe him in, but soon convinced himself it was wishful thinking.

Reluctantly, you pull away, looking up at Matty with glassy eyes. The barista next to you clears his throat, bringing you both back to earth and out of whatever haze you were in. “your tea is ready” he says awkwardly, eyeing you and Matty with a sly smile on his lips.

“Right! Sorry, yes. Thank you” You grab your cup and turn back to Matty nervously. He can see the anxiety radiating off you, just like it always had. He never thought it would be directed at him, but he tries not to overthink it too much.

“Do you-” You clear your throat, shaking your head as you try to process that you're seeing him again. Seeing your Matty. “Do you want to sit with me? Catch up?” 

Matty can see your hands shaking around your cup and the nervousness swimming in your eyes. “Of course,” he says easily. He could never deny an opportunity to spend time with you. Especially not when he hadn't seen you in so long. And certainly not when you still take up his every waking thought. 

The conversation flows like you had never left, easily chatting and catching up like you always had. You tell Matty about the cat you adopted and how she loves to sit on top of the fridge to scare you. He tells you about his mum and her latest drama. Her kitchen cupboards were the wrong colour of grey, and it was the topic of conversation for much longer than he thought possible.

The first bout of silence comes when you ask about Annie, and Matty can tell it took every ounce of strength to force the words out of your mouth. You felt like someone had taken one of your vital organs when you left her, and you can still see her face in your mind whenever you close your eyes.

“she's good. Misses you, though. Especially because she doesn't see you at school anymore since you got a new job” he says with a solemn smile. Matty tries to hold eye contact, but he gives up a few seconds into it, instead staring at his coffee as if it was the most interesting thing in the room. 

Thankfully, soon enough, the once stilted silence becomes easy chatter and laughter all over again, Matty welcomed the warm conversation with open arms, missing your presence more than he ever thought possible.

But Matty's mouth soon got ahead of him, “so when was the last time I saw you?” he asked thoughtlessly. His brain was on autopilot, and the words poured out of him before he could stop it. The very topic you'd both been dancing around was now laid out in front of you, and it couldn't be ignored. 

Matty saw something in your demeanour change, your once soft smile morphing into a faux-happy grimace, “Don't you remember? You screaming at me in the kitchen? And then storming out after saying what you did? Maybe you remember smashing a plate on the floor?” Matty pauses at your words, not quite believing you're deciding to re-hash all of this in the middle of a coffee shop, especially with a massive and slightly creepy grin on your face, but he answers anyway. 

“Of course, I remember. And there's not enough words to say how sorry I am but-” he stutters as he tries to explain himself more, but you cut him off, gently placing a hand on his arm.

“Are you sure you remember? When you left me? Abandoned me? Left me sobbing and alone? What about the 30 phone calls you ignored?” You kept talking, and Matty couldn't get a word in, your voice increasing in volume with each desperate question. 

“Look I’m so sorry-” Matty desperately looked around him to see if people were staring at your raised voice, but the cafe was empty. The once bustling coffee shop is now like a ghost town, with no evidence of another human ever being in there. 

He flicks his head back to yours, only to be in his kitchen, forced back to that night. He stares at you in your pyjamas, tears streaming down your face. He flicks his eyes down to see him dressed in the same liquor-stained clothes, and he can taste the red wine on his tongue.

“Why” you whispered over and over again, gradually getting louder, eventually shouting at Matty as he stood there motionless.

Matty wakes up in a cold sweat, panting wildly as his brain fights to figure out what the fuck is happening. He scrambles to his phone and realises; it's still the same day. It was just another fucking dream. He knows nightmare would be the better word, but he can't bring himself to describe anything with you in it as a nightmare. 

With a heavy sigh, he flops back to his pillow, gripping his phone desperately and trying to fight the urge to call you. It almost doesn't work, and he clicks on your contact and lets his thumb hover over the call button. He sees the unanswered calls and the pleading messages. He can feel the desperation through the screen. 

He thinks your new boyfriend must've blocked his number because that's easier than thinking that you just hate him. Each time he reaches out, there’s no reply, and he feels a part of himself die.

He hadn't tried for a few months now, but he still had that urge to type out his every thought, to send it and call you until you answered. But he doesn't. 

It doesn't occur to Matty that the real reason that the reason you don't answer isn't because of a new boyfriend or because you hate him. Instead, it’s because you know you can't deal with another goodbye. You can't risk all this happening again. You were already practically ripped open. You can't risk tearing the very stitches you worked so hard to sew closed.

But matty doesn't know that, so with a huff, he clicks off you and onto George, and this time, he lets the phone ring.

“Huh? what-” he hears the groggy voice over the phone mutter, and it's then he realises maybe ringing George at 3 am because he had a nightmare wasn't the best decision. But it was too late now, and he could practically see George's expectant face from the other side of the phone. 

“Hi. it um- it happened again” Matty said with a huff, falling back into the pillows and staring at the moonlight dancing across his ceiling. He heard George's heavy sigh and the distinct sound of ruffling sheets, George had sat up instinctively, knowing something was up.

“What was it this time? Did everyone in the crowd turn into her again” George says softly, rubbing at his tired eyes and fighting a yawn. 

“No, it started off really nice this time. I saw her again at that cafe we always went to, you know the one near the studio? We were just chatting and catching up. But then she wouldn't stop talking about that night, telling me what happened all over again. And then I blinked, and I was back. I was in that kitchen again, just staring at her.” Matty follows the moonbeams with his eyes, lingering on the two beams crossing over, only for their paths to separate once again.

It reminded him of you and him.

“I think you need to get some lavender oil or some shit. You need to sleep. And these nightmares aren't helping” George says firmly, Matty would usually fight him tooth and nail at the suggestion.

He claimed it was because that stuff had never worked for him, but George knew it was because he saw it as still having a part of you in his life. Even if you were there in the form of his demons, at least they all looked like you.

But to his surprise, Matty immediately crumbled, “Yeah, you're right. Will you come to Boots with me after the studio tomorrow?” George agreed quickly before Matty could change his mind.

But he didn't try to, Matty simply said, “Thanks. Okay, I'll let you sleep now… Bye.” And before George could tell him it was okay, and he’d stay chatting as long as Matty needed, he was gone. 

Tears leaked from Matty’s eyes, wetting the same pillow where you used to lay your head. This loop of healing felt endless, and Matty wasn't sure if fixing this was possible when he knew you were still out there without him. Forever wouldn't have even been enough with you, but now he has nothing. What is he meant to do with no you?

✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀

As Matty lay awake in Manchester, you were in the same position in London. The same lonely bed, but different cities. Unlike him, you haven't managed to sleep yet. Instead, you can't stop your brain from imagining what is in that letter. Your mind falls back to that night, and you replay the events over and over again. Every word Matty said was etched in your mind, so it played easily, the same script ringing in your ears all these months later.

//////////////////////

Matty shut the door delicately. Getting home at 2 am. was already bad enough. He didn't want to wake you or Annie in the process. But when he saw the light pouring out of the kitchen and heard the distinct hissing of the kettle, he knew you were awake. And he knew you were waiting for him.

He walked into the kitchen silently, leaning on the counter and watching you potter around, he remember when he used to sit here for hours and dream of you in his house. Now he's not even sure the last time you said I love you to each other. You continue to ignore Matty, but you getting a second mug out of the cupboard tells him all he needs to know. This is going to be a long night. 

“At the studio late again?” You ask, passing Matty his mug and leaning across from him. Your eyes trace up his figure, and you can't help but think you don't recognise the man in front of you. His clothes hung off of him, and heavy bags sat under his empty eyes. His hair was standing on end, once perfectly manicured curls now frazzled beyond repair.

“Yeah, George wanted to fix this harmony. Sorry I'm back so late” he knew lying to you was wrong. He really did. But he couldn't bring himself to explain where he actually was, drinking alone in a bar rather than at home with his family.

“Oh. okay.” you pause and wait for Matty to correct himself, giving him a chance to be fucking honest for once. But he doesn't, so you push again.

“That's weird though, because I asked Charli where George was 2 hours ago, and she sent a photo of them together. In bed.”

Matty's eyes widened. He knew he'd just been caught, but he wasn't ready to give up the lie yet. He just needed a few more weeks away, and then he would come back. Then everything would be made right again. So his tipsy mind comes up with a new lie and pleads with whatever God there might be that would believe him, “Oh did I say George? I meant Hann, you know how I get when it's late”

“Matty. You stink of booze. Do you think im an idiot?” You sigh, placing your tea down and crossing your arms over your chest. The anger bubbling within you was threatening to spill over. You felt as if every word from Matty was a stab, yet he kept just pushing the knife deeper.

“So I had a drink at the studio! Sue me, Jesus Christ” Matty sneers at you as he talks, slamming his cup onto the counter, ignoring the burning on his hand from the tea falling over the rim.

“Liar” you click your tongue at Matty and cast your eyes to the floor. Staring into his eyes as he lied to you was agony, and you're not sure how much more pain you can take.

“I'm not lying. I swear I just-” he tries to argue, but you refuse to let him keep going.

“I know you're lying. You're always fucking lying! You weren't at the studio.” you sighed heavily flicking your eyes up to Matty briefly, but the tension was too much, it hurt to look at him.  

“Baby, cmon, calm down. It’s okay, yeah? I’m here now,” Matty moved towards you, grabbing your cheek in his hand and moving in to kiss you, prepared to make this all melt away just like he always did. You try to push him away, but Matty stands strong. He had to fix this. He needed to kiss and make up. It was all he knew how to do.

“Would you just fucking listen” you shout, pushing Matty back across from you, “I don't even know who you are anymore! These past few weeks have made you into a man I don't even fucking recognise.” You look up at him with crazed eyes and scoff at the sight of the man in front of you. 

You were done with it all. The lying, the running away, the sleuthing around. Done. You were having this conversation, and you were having it now.

“No please don't say that. You know me. I don't know who I am without you knowing me,” Matty begged, sobering up quickly at your words.

He needs to bring this back, claw what little life you had left in you to the surface. Everything that left Matty’s life has had claw marks in it, and he would be damned if he'd let you go without the same scars.

“Don't you understand that's the fucking issue, Matty? You don't know who you are anymore, I don't know who you are anymore. You need to be a person without me.” your words struck Matty in the chest like a bullet. 

Were you seriously suggesting what he thinks you are? Do you actually want to break up with him?

Matty baulks at your words. Every feeling he’d had over the past few months was catching up to him, crashing into each other in his brain as they fought to be let out. Anger won because, of course, it won. It seems to always win.

He decides that if you want to break up, then he'll do it himself. He can't let you beat him to it. He knows it's childish, but he doesn't fucking care. He needs to win this. “Please, I've been a person without you for 30 fucking years. I’m a fucking dad! I don't need you to tell me who I am.”

“Annie needs both her parents, Matty. We need you back, please.” The mention of Annie makes outrage bubble within him like it had never done before. He can't believe you'd practically threatened to break up with him one minute and then beg for him back for the sake of his daughter the next. Because that is what she is, she's his daughter.

“You don't know what it's like to be a parent y/n,” Matty mumbles under his breath, but he might as well have screamed it at you because that's how loudly it rang in your ears. He knew he'd fucked up as soon as he said it, but there was no going back now, and he could see that in your eyes.

“I don't know what it's like to be a parent. Are you fucking kidding Matty? What the hell have I been doing here for the past year? Just fucking around? I can't believe you could say that to me.” You hear your voice wavering as you force each word out. 

“Annie is just as much my daughter as she is yours” you whisper desperately. The regret of mentioning Annie was building in your chest, and it felt like a rock impeding your lungs, each breath fighting against the weight. but it was too late to take anything back now. Both you and Matty knew it.

Matty scoffs at your words, rolling his eyes as he fiddles with his fingers. He tries desperately to cool his raging mind, but he can't. He figures if he is already in this deep, why not stoop a little lower?

“Just as much your daughter? Please. You weren't here for fucking any of it. Where were you here when she was born? How about when she was sick for the first time and wouldn't let me put her down without screaming bloody murder? Or- or how about when she broke her arm and she cried when she couldn't have a pink cast? Or maybe for any fucking time apart from the last 12 months. I know you liked playing happy families y/n, but be fucking real for 5 seconds. You were her teacher, maybe a fun friend, but nothing more. And if you think you were, you're more delusional than I thought.”

His chest heaved as he finished, not taking a single breath during his rambling speech, he could see your wet eyes and he felt his heart aching but he just couldn't stop himself, words tumbling out of his mouth. "Even if you stayed, even if you never give up on us, on this. You could never be her mother.”

Both of you pause, the silence thick and heavy around you. How long could you stand like this and pretend he didn’t say that? Maybe if you just stayed there and listened to your ragged breathing, something would change.

But nothing did.

“Fuck you. You told me I was practically her mother a month ago. You said to me I was it for you, that your family was complete. I can't believe-” words poured out of you, streaming helplessly as you paced the kitchen. 

Matty tried to cut in, desperate to get a word in edgeways. The need to defend himself was all-consuming. He needed to know that you understood he said it in the heat of the moment. Words fall out of his mouth without thinking. He can’t help it.

“y/n, love-”

“I’m not her mother? Tell that to the time I took her dress shopping for your mum's wedding. Or when I took her to A&E with suspected appendicitis. and-”

“y/n. Stop, just listen to me, please.” Matty begs, he almost inches closer to you, but some ineffable force keeps him where he is, watching you pace helplessly.

“Listen to you? Oh, I've done plenty of fucking listening Matthew. All I do is listen to you! But you never fucking hear me-” 

“Can you just shut up for 5 fucking seconds” Matty shouted, grabbing a plate from beside him, throwing it against the concrete floor, watching it shatter into a thousand pieces. He just needed you to look at him, to tell him you could fix this, but you wouldn't stop talking.

A gasp from you pulls him back to earth, and he feels his heart break into as many pieces as the plate below his feet. Your wide eyes and tear-stained cheeks glare back at him, and Matty has nothing to say. He has no fucking idea what just came over him.

Matty gingerly takes a step towards you, trying to avoid the ceramic splayed over the floor. His fingers shake as he reaches his hand out to your cheek, wanting to thumb away the tears falling.

But just as he does, he sees you flinch. It wasn't even a full movement, practically a micro-expression. But you fucking flinched. And you both knew it. The veil of silence over you is thick as you both stand there motionless with no idea what you could say to fix this. To make the last 10 minutes disappear. 

Matty’s touch used to calm you. It was the only reassurance you needed. But now the mere thought of it filled you with some twisted sense of fear. The woman he had planned the rest of his life with was scared of him. And it was all his fucking fault. How had this all become his worst nightmare? How had the very thing he sacrificed so much to build crumbled and destroyed itself so deeply?

“Matty wait- I’m sorry, I was just still on edge. It's okay, im okay. See?” With a shaking hand, you grip his, bringing it to your face despite his protests. You can feel him trying to pull his arm away, but you fight him at every tug. Forcibly placing his hand on your wet cheek.

As soon as your hand drops from his, Matty wrenches away from you. The feeling of your cheek against his palm felt as if his skin was burning. The pain touched his every nerve. 

The air is charged with pure fear as you stare at the other, both of your chests heaving and your eyes glassy with unshed tears. Without thinking it through, Matty storms off, grabbing his keys as he pushes through the house. You chase after him, ignoring the blades of ceramic impaling your sock-covered feet, “No don't leave, Matty, please. Stay, stay here.” You reach to grab his arm, but Matty snatches it away before you can even feel his skin against yours.

“I’m leaving. I’m staying at George tonight. Tomorrow I’ll come pick Annie up from school. You will call in and take a sick day. Start packing your shit. I’m done. You're out of my house by tomorrow.” Matty demands, and with that, he leaves. Slamming the door behind him. 

Bloody footprints lay in a trail behind you, and your socks start slowly becoming sodden from your weeping wounds. But still, you stood there, unmoving. Shock coursing through your veins.

It was all over. Just like that.

////////////////////

The letter was taunting you from the other room, the blacked corner flashed into your mind whenever your eyes finally fluttered close. The image of you burning the letter played behind your eyelids like a movie, and you almost wish you really had done it.

But you didnt, so it still sat on your living room table, torturing you.

Eventually, you drift off to sleep, tears dampen the pillow below your head, but you ignore the thumping in your head and finally let sleep pull you under.

✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀

You know you're dreaming when you're back in that kitchen. But you can't stop it from happening. The hazy filter that covers your surroundings is the only thing assuring you this isn't real, that this isn't all happening again.

Matty stands in front of you just as he had that night, but he looks different. His once frizzy curls sat in perfectly ringlets around his face, the streaks of grey dancing through them more prominent. His unshaven face was now neatly trimmed, and you admired the salt and pepper hairs within it. You can see the tears brimming in his eyes, glittering on his waterline. 

“So you'll forgive me? We can move on?” he says desperately, smiling and moving towards you with tears falling down his cheeks.

You try to speak, but your mouth doesn't move, your lips stay pressed together against your brain's protests. Not even grunts escape you. Silently, you stare at Matty, completely motionless. 

“y/n? You forgive me. I can make this right again, can't I?” Matty begs desperately. He grabs your hand but recoils at the cold feeling on his skin, your fingers cold as ice in his grip.

You fight to speak again, to tell him yes. To tell him you forgive him, that you need to try again. But still, nothing leaves your lips.

Matty scoffs at you, ripping himself away from you, “I can't believe you're ignoring me. I thought you'd be more mature than this. Call me when you can actually have an adult fucking conversation.”

He storms off, but all you can do is watch him helplessly. Every nerve in your body is screaming to move, to chase after him. And you almost do, but some inexplicable force is keeping you there, motionless in the same place where your life ended all those months ago.

So you watch him leave again, the haze surrounding you soon becoming darkness. 

You know it's a dream, and you keep on telling yourself that. But when you wake with wet cheeks and a heaving chest, it feels pretty fucking real.

You swear you can feel him next to you, awake and staring at the same ceiling. But when you turn to see him, the piled-up duvet is all that's there, along with a cold bed beside you.

It's then you decide to finally give in to that voice in your head, the one screaming at you to just read the letter, to get it over and done with. The one begging you to throw it away and never look back is nearly silenced, and it soon becomes nothing but a whisper in the back of your mind.

The letter stays exactly where you left it, and whilst you know it couldn't have moved, part of you wishes it had. With shaking hands, you grab the pile of pages, and you can feel your heart racing the very same way it used to when you saw him.

The city lights shine onto you as you finally open the pages, looking at the handwriting you knew all too well. The same handwriting that used to give you butterflies, that used to detail how much it loved you, filling pages with adoration. 

Now you're not so sure what it entails. But you read anyway, ignoring every screaming signal telling you to stop.

///////////

Hi darling,

I know I don't have the right to call you that anymore, but I can't bring myself to call you anything else. It's been a few months since we've spoken, and I've felt every minute of it. I've filled notebooks writing about you, writing to you. I must have practised this letter a dozen times, and I know this still won't be right. 

So, instead of trying to write the perfect letter, I've ripped out some pages from my journal. My therapist told me to write like I was speaking to you, so that's what I did. I’m sure she would be pissed that im sending this at all, but I need to do this for us. To remember what we once were. 

Anyway, I hope it makes you understand what this time without you has been like for me. You can ignore this letter completely and I wouldn't blame you. I won't hold it over you if you burn it and never look back. But if you do read it, I just need you to know im sorry. For everything.

(3 weeks without you)

To say the past couple of weeks have been hell for me is beyond an understatement. There is this festering part of me that thinks I will love you forever, and the knowledge that we will never be like we once were kills me, but it has to kill me. Because if I felt anything other than agony, I would come crawling back to you, and you don't deserve that. And I know that. But fucking hell, that doesn't make it hurt any less.

You know me, I don't know what it's like to have surface-level emotions. I either feel it all, or I feel nothing. and with you? I fucking felt it all. I felt every touch, every smile, every fight, every screaming match ending in tears. I fucking felt it. and for some reason- I'm still thankful for it. because at least I felt you.

I wonder if you're at the point where you miss me when you hear my name. And I can't help but think about you hearing my songs, do you change the station? Even if they're about you? But if I’m honest, they're all about you. Every one of them. Even before I knew you, they were about you.

(a month and a half)

I wish you could forgive me. I think if I knew you didn't hate me, I could move on. Or maybe it would do the opposite. I don't know. All I do know is, I miss you. 

(2 months)

Sometimes I miss you so much I can't handle it. I go driving and find the places we used to go, I sit there, and I can still hear your laugh. I can feel that all-encompassing warmth that surrounds you. but then someone speaks, or a car horn goes off, and suddenly, it's cold again. I mourn you like you're someone I've lost forever, and in a way, I have.

You know I still feel you every day, everywhere. Because you might have left, but you never really did. I still find your socks down beside the bed, and your hair ties around the house. I accidentally used your shampoo in the shower this week. You know that ridiculous Jasmine one that you pay too much for? 

It was like having you around again, I never thought the small of some shitty shampoo would be the thing that brought it all back to me, brought you back to me. Yet it was. But still, you were gone. 

So apparently, I decided to fall into the breakup trope of crying in the shower. For 45 minutes, which made me feel slightly pathetic. And it didn't help when George knocked on the door and washed my hair again. with my shampoo. But I still find myself smelling jasmine even when it's nowhere near.

You haunt me in ways I never thought possible.

(3 months)

It's 3 a.m., and I can't stop picturing your face. Just knowing you're still out there makes it so much fucking harder. I don't know how to cope knowing you're there and not here, with me. Even months later there's some sick part of me that hopes leaving me was the hardest thing you've had to do. but I hope loving me wasn't. 

I know that's selfish, and that this is all my fault anyway. so I want you to move on, even if it kills me. it's hell thinking that the one person you could never forget is fighting to forget you. 

But I hope you find the love of your life. I hope they make your tea just how you like it, and buy you those crazy expensive candles you love. I hope they will follow you to the ends of the earth, just like I would. even now. 

(3 and a half months)

I want to say you don't know how it feels to miss you, you don't know how hard it is. but I have to keep hoping you miss me just as much. because if you didn't, if you just moved on without a second thought; I couldn't cope. the fact that we will always just be an almost will live with me until the day I die. I don't want you to be an almost. I want you to be an always. but it's over, and I know that. or at least I'm very good at pretending I know that.

(4 months)

Recently, I've been thinking about “what ifs?” Despite my therapist telling me I shouldn't. But you know what it is like after breakups. It's this all-consuming thing, and you can't help but imagine if things were different.

I think in another universe, we worked out. I got over my massive ego, and you worked through your past, and it fixed itself. We got married, had another kid, and got that cat you always wanted. We'd go to Annie's graduation together. Her wedding together. you'd cry as I walked her down the aisle, I'd smile and kiss away your tears. and I know that's not this universe. but fucking hell why can't it be?

(4 and a half months)

My mum misses you. She asked how you were doing today and if I had reached out yet. I got angry at her and stormed out. If only she knew how many times I’d dialled your number and then turned off my phone. Or how many unanswered texts I've sent. 

Annie misses you too, by the way. She's finally stopped asking when you're coming back.

I wish she still asked.

(today)

I don't expect you to read all of this, and if you've just skipped to the end, I don't blame you.

but I'm sending this letter because I think I'm finally at a place where when I think of you, I don't take it as a sign from the universe that we were meant to be together. instead, I think of it as a past life, as proof that we were an almost.

Next time I see you, I hope it doesn't hurt as much as the last time.

Goodbye, my love,

Matty x

///////////

The distinct sound of dripping tears hitting paper was the only noise in the room. You watched helplessly as the ink distorted under the little pools of wetness. A million thoughts race through your mind, and you can't help but fucking hate him for sending this.

How could he do this to you? All you've been doing for months is healing, but he keeps ripping open old wounds carelessly. He has to know you can never go back. You can't trust him.

All you left behind you was a mess. You were both better off this way.

With a scoff, you grab your lighter and cigarettes, stepping onto the balcony with the letter gripped in your shaking hands. You have to flick the lighter a few times before it works, the bitter wind fighting against it. 

But soon the flame comes, you sigh happily, moving it up to the cigarette delicately balanced between your lips. You suck in a deep breath, revelling in the feeling of the smoke filling your lungs. The slight crackle brings you more relaxation than anything else these days, but you still have to fight to ignore the familiarity of the scent.

You flick the lighter again, huffing annoyed as it goes out. Once you see the distinct glow of amber, you don't hesitate before placing it against the paper and watching the pages in front of you burn up.

Ashes sizzle your skin, but you couldn't care less. In fact, you welcome the pain. A sick smile comes across your face, grinning around the now-lit cigarette in your mouth.

Isn't it funny how little words mean, when they're a little too late?

[mattscoquette]

MAKEUP SEX W MATT IMAGINE 😻

“im so sorry baby..” he breathes heavily into your neck as he slowly thrusts into you. your legs are wrapped around his back, and you are playing in his hair as he whispers apologies and praises you. “i love you” “im sorry it wont happen again” “youre perfect” “you feel so good”

LIKE ITS SLOW AND LIKE THE LIGHTS RED AND REAALLLYY DIM AND LIKE THE WEEKND PLAYING QUIETLY AND ITS LATE AND LIKE HE FEELS BAD LIKEE OR ITS MAD SEX 😻 (or maybe its just me getting kinky…)

he thrusts hardly into you- causing you to move forward and back with each one. “you like that?” he says, angst lingering in his voice, as he puts his hand around your neck. “y-yes baby please matt dont stop” you yelp as he begins to speed up, hitting your g-spot every time. your back arches as you both cum. “fuck..” he says and slowly pulls out.

like bro nobody understands how BADLY i need mad, makeup, sad, happy, excited, lazy, sleepy, car, bath, shower, pool, public, kitchen, risky, kinky, anxious, date night, forest, beach, everything sex w this man

this is sooooo 😁😁😁😁😁 i need to have sex w him rn