Tumgik
#as always you're welcome to comment or message me if you have any thoughts on it
basuralindo · 1 year
Text
Chapter 13 of You'll Have Me Rise!
There were A Lot of hiccups with this one, and the original planned chapter underwent mitosis, so this is kinda the first half of a two part thing. Buuuuut we do get a little change of scenery!
I'll be rambling about the chapter contents under the cut
-Jamil: stays up late even though he's always exhausted just so that he can have time to himself uninterrupted. / Kalim: "Oh no he has trouble sleeping! :( He must be so lonely stuck awake while nobody's around, I'll stay up and keep him company!" -Brain full of love and distractions. 
-Again, Kalim tries so hard to show he cares, and Jamil tries so hard to prevent anyone from knowing what he wants. These two make me really emotional.
-I actually really wanna make cardamom scented hair oil when I get back from this trip. I've infused it with cinnamon before (and yes, my bf thought I was gonna cook with it, that's what inspired the scene), but I wanna try other scents too.
-Also, circling back to me deciding Jamil is a heavily masking autistic: I think he'd use dancing as a stim, and subtle rhythmic movements and sounds help him calm down. I imagine he steps in beat to songs stuck in his head when nobody's looking, and in the kitchen probably chops and stirs stuff to a tempo and does little dance steps when moving around. Personally, I always zone out when I'm mixing stuff because of the steady rhythm of clacking, and Jamil's more musically inclined than me, sooo what if he just makes music in little ways all the time? (Probably gonna go deeper into this in later chapters cause I really want a scene of him cooking with the tweels.)
-Soo I kinda redesigned the Lounge…. Where I grew up, lava rock was the primary stone at every beach and reef and everything. Like, if it's ocean, there's lava rock. Hence the black stone decor throughout Octavinelle in this story. It's only occurring to me now that this might not be universal, but it's too late now so uh. yeah. Ursula's lair was full of black rock too, let's all pretend Azul came from a region with a lot of volcanic stone.
-... Jade's about to start banging heads together like pots and pans if Jamil and Floyd don't sort their shit out. Or, y'know, maybe just hit on Jamil until somebody snaps. Either way, he's really out there working hard. It's just unclear what he's working hard to achieve.
-And yeah Azul's still not over the kombucha incident.
-Also, idk when Jamil is gonna realize the significance of Azul offering him free shit all the time, but the significance is definitely there
-Laughing at my own jokes again here, buuuut..: Azul, passably normal and very much in love: "These two are my partners, my lovers, my oldest friends. I can recognize them by their footsteps, their laughter, the beat of their hearts. They may look the same, but I would know them in the dark, utterly blind." / Jamil, faceblind, staring at Floyd's tits and Jade's ass: "I have no idea what you're talking about, they look nothing alike."
8 notes · View notes
ja3yun · 24 days
Text
To, Future You | S.JY
Tumblr media
sim jaeyun x fem!reader warnings: fluff, smut (mdni), unprotected sex, oral (f. rec), fingering, spitting, body worshipping, whimpering and whiney jake, mutual pining, confessions, mentions of alcohol, anti-men in some parts, not proof-read anything else lmk! wc: 16.1k synopsis: in your fourth year of secondary school, your home room teacher made you write a 'to future you' letter to someone in your class. while you had no idea who to write it to, sim jaeyun knew exactly who would receive his letter. he just never expected it to actually come through 10 years later. a/n: hi! so this was something that has been sitting in the back of my mind for a while. i saw a tiktok that was someone writing a confession letter and ten years later receiving it so that is the inspo (pls if anyone knows it please send me the link so i can tag it!) i hope you enjoy this, after i post this i am taking a little break and stepping back so i can focus on my heeseung series! there might be some random fics here and there but i wont be posting as much (sorry!) as always, feedback, likes, reblogs, and comments are all welcome <3 ilysm
Tumblr media
Your phone vibrates on your cluttered office desk, a blessed interruption from the mundane chore of sifting through emails. With a sigh, you pick it up, expecting yet another spam message or discount offer. However, as you enter your pin and swipe down the notification, your curiosity piques, and your posture straightens instinctively, uncrossing your legs and firmly planting both feet on the ground.
The screen displays the sender as 'To Future You'. Memories flood back from a decade ago when your teacher, Mr. Yang, initiated a unique project in your fourth year of secondary school. Instead of the typical 'what I think will happen in 10 years' pitch, Mr. Yang offered a more intriguing idea that got the students on board.
Your class was tasked with writing letters to someone else in the class, detailing how you perceived them then and what you believed they would become in the future. Mr. Yang's intention was to leave everyone with a lasting memory, knowing that some would stay for fifth and sixth years, while others would move on to college or the workforce.
He didn’t pair you all up, leaving you to your own devices; it could be a friend or someone random, the only stipulation being that it was someone from your home room.
Honestly, you hadn’t given it much thought at the time, sending one to the girl next to you with hopes that her dreams would come true. All your friends were in different classes, so you couldn’t even enthusiastically engage with the exercise.
However, you never expected to get one yourself. Your home room was filled with the popular girls and guys who were a world away from you and your quiet life. While they were out partying and having fun, you were studying to get into University, promising yourself a life of fun after you had graduated with friends you made along the way.
Of course, that’s not how it worked and you found yourself in a job you hated with bosses who make sly remarks about you and your competency even though you are much better at your job than any of these middle-aged losers. What’s that song from Bowling For Soup? High School Never ends, and by fuck were they right.
So as you stare at the unread email, you brace yourself for the torment from school to haunt you now as a 26-year-old. There was one girl from class who hated you, convinced that you ratted her out for smoking in the girls’ bathroom, which by the way, you had no part in; perhaps this letter is cursing you out wrongfully one final time.
Yet, the letter is not anything of the sort, leaving your palms sweaty at the unexpected turn.
Hi, Y/N.
How are you doing? From the looks of it, you’re struggling with what to write. Me too if I am being honest. This is a bit weird, isn’t it? I feel so strange writing these words when you're just a few seats away.
Anyway, hi again!
I don't know why I'm pouring my thoughts out to you of all people, but…I trust you. You’re genuinely nice and kind to everyone, even when others aren't :( sorry about that, by the way, for my friends. They can be real pissheads, and I personally hope they live unfulfilling lives. Once I leave next month, I pray I never have to see them ever again.
Is that too harsh? 
Sorry, I should get back on track. You look super pretty today! I noticed you got a new bracelet. Was it for your birthday? Come to think of it, your birthday must have just passed if you're receiving this 10 years later, so happy 26th birthday, I guess! It’s so strange to imagine you as a 26 year old, or me for that matter lol.
I’m supposed to predict what I see your life like in the future, right? I think you’re an amazing lawyer (that is what you’re going to study at University, isn’t it?) I peer-reviewed one of your English papers once and you made me totally change my mind on The Woman in Black, I mean, she shouldn’t have tormented him but she was also grieving. I knew then that you could see the good in everyone, exactly what a good lawyer should be. Umm…you’re probably happily living with your husband who you met in a lecture and bonded over some conversation about how to save the world or what near extinct animal you should fundraise for.
I’m jealous of him just thinking about it.
Can I make a confession? Since I don’t think we’ll miraculously become friends and you’ll somehow read this while I sit beside you. It’s actually the real reason I’m writing this to you (I lied earlier about not knowing, I just didn’t know if I would say this part lol.)
I like you, as in, like you - like you. I have since first year when you walked into homeroom with your hair tied up and your Hello Kitty backpack. I might even be in love with you, as much as a 16 year old boy can be. You’re so passionate and beautiful that I can’t keep my eyes off you. Even now in the computer room, I’m staring straight at you and you haven’t even looked my way once. It always goes like this but I don’t blame you for it, don’t worry! It’s my fault, I should stop being a coward and ask you out, or at least try and be friends with you.
I’m leaving at the end of fourth year, I hate this place, to be honest. I have no idea what I am going to do or who I am and I’m scared as fuck. I wish in another life I could have you by my side through adulthood. I think it’s the only way I can cope, it’s the only reason I survived this hellhole. One look at you, and I feel safe, like the world isn’t crashing down on me. That’s weird, isn’t it? To think that about someone you don’t speak to.
This is coming off as creepy, like I don’t stalk you or anything, don’t worry. I just can’t express my feelings well but I guess it’s as simple as:
I think I love you, I hope no matter what happens in the future you have the life you deserve, and if I do happen to build up the courage at the end of the year to confess and you fall in love with me and I am in fact that husband I spoke about earlier (although way cooler and less of a knob) then do not speak about this lol.
Take care of yourself, Y/N. The world is so much brighter with you in it.
~ Your secret admirer.
LOL imagine I left you hanging like that :P 
~ It’s Jaeyun (Sim, not Lee)
You stare blankly at your phone screen, the words swirling before your eyes like a whirlpool of emotions. A tidal wave crashes over you, leaving you paralysed in your seat, suspended in a moment of disbelief and regret. It's as if time itself has come to a standstill, and the world around you fades into insignificance as you grapple with the weight of Jaeyun's confession.
How could you not have noticed? How could you have been so blind to his feelings, so oblivious to the subtle signs of affection that now seem painfully obvious in hindsight? Jaeyun, of all people, someone who had offered you a smile while his friend group glared at you, or how he volunteered to be your dancing partner during PE, all that time you figured he was doing it to mock you when in fact, he was someone who had seen you for who you truly were when others merely glanced over you.
Jaeyun had been there all along, quietly observing, silently hoping for a chance to make his feelings known.
And you wish he did because out of all the popular students in your year, he was the one you would have been opened to. You had a crush on him like any girl does in their youth, but that's all you thought it was, an unrequited crush that could never be anything more than that. Yet, here he was telling you he liked you, so casually, in a letter he wrote at 16.
In his predictions, he was right about one thing - you are a lawyer, a damn good one at that. It’s amazing how he even knew that considering you don’t remember telling him nor did you share any inclination with even your friends that you were planning to go to Uni for it. It wasn’t for any reason other than usually when you tell someone you are going to do something, you end up never achieving it. 
However, he missed the mark on the marriage front. Between the demands of University and your intensive full-time job, which frequently spills over into overtime, your romantic life has mostly consisted of fleeting Tinder dates and occasional hookups. Yet, it's not a life steeped in sorrow, marriage and children have never ranked high on your list of priorities, so you harbour no discontentment with your current relationship status, not really...
Suppressing the lump in your throat, you resort to the timeless ritual that any single woman in her mid-twenties indulges in upon discovering that someone from high school had an interest in her, particularly when she once found him undeniably attractive and frequently mentioned him to her closest friends back in the day: you embark on an Instagram stalking expedition, naturally.
Abandoning your pile of emails and the documents of your current case, you cast aside all distractions in a quest for Jaeyun. Despite only sharing a couple of conversations with him that linger in your memory, you're compelled to uncover what he's been up to. Typing his name into the search bar, you hold your breath, hoping that finding him won't prove too difficult given his distinctive name.
Thankfully, user simjakeyun emerges with ease, and in no time, you find yourself perusing his profile.
There he is, just as you recall him - those beguiling puppy eyes you once avoided now ensnaring you with their warmth, and that infectious smile rendering him ageless. As you delve into his world, you're entranced by the adventures he shares and the moments he has captured. His life appears so rich and fulfilling that you can't help but feel a pang of contrast with the dreary confines of your current office.
As you scroll, you see how he is embracing life to its fullest, travelling the world and seeing countries you can’t even point out on a map, all while you find yourself tethered to the prison of your office walls for hours on end. It's not that you despise your own life, but in this moment of comparison, a sense of discontentment begins to gnaw at you.
There are a few girls on his page but none that are consistent, with no wedding ring and no kids, you wonder whether it’s worth dropping him a message. 
Are you really going to slide into Sim Jaeyun’s DMs? Yes. Yes, you are.
Creating a new private message, you hesitate, staring at his profile picture at the top of the screen. That beautiful smile makes you second-guess yourself. Why would he care about a silly little message from you? He’s out there striving and thriving, while your Instagram chronicles the life of a busy lawyer with only two close friends and an obvious wine addiction due to the countless glasses that makes frequent appearances.
You linger on the message screen, your fingers hovering over the keyboard. The doubts swirl in your mind, but something pushes you forward. Taking a deep breath, you begin to type.
"Hey Jaeyun, it's been ages! I just stumbled across your profile and couldn't resist saying hi. It looks like you've been on some incredible adventures. How have you been?"
You pause, re-reading the message. It feels both too casual and overly formal at the same time. With a sigh, you delete the last sentence and try again. Your mind is screaming at you not to bring up the letter, yet it might be the only way to get a response. At the end of the day, he was right - you weren’t friends in school, so why pretend you were just to start a conversation? Surely, that would make him think you were a weirdo.
But he told you he might be in love you, and you’ve gone ten years without knowing. Bringing it up could be the key to getting a genuine reaction from him, but it could also backfire spectacularly. He might recoil, feel uncomfortable, and even block you completely. You know you'd have that reaction if the roles were reversed.
Taking a deep breath, you decide to take the plunge. You start typing a new message, carefully choosing your words.
Hi Jaeyun! I don’t know if you remember me but the funniest thing just happened. Do you remember Mr. Yang made us write those letters to someone in the class that would be sent ten years later? I got one today…from you, actually! You probably won’t remember but  I thought I would let you know that I got it and thank you :) 
You hesitate before hitting send, re-reading it over and over again to avoid spelling mistakes and accidentally telling him that he told you he loved you. As the message goes through, your heart races and a mix of anxiety and anticipation swirls inside you. This is a leap of faith, and all you can do now is wait.
_____
Unfortunately, all you do is wait because it's been two days, and Jaeyun hasn't replied. The silence is deafening, amplifying your doubts and fears. You replay the message over and over in your mind, wondering if you said too much or too little.
It has to be because you mentioned the letter; he probably has a girlfriend. It wouldn't be uncommon for a guy as gorgeous as him to be snapped up quickly. He probably has one of those stunning girlfriends with long blonde hair and a figure straight out of Vogue.
You try to push the thoughts aside, but they persist, gnawing at you. Doubts mingle with vivid imaginations of his perfect life, further widening the gap between your reality and the fantasy you've constructed. Much like he passively fantasised about the prospect of being your husband all those years ago, you now find yourself lying on your couch, imagining what it would be like to be his wife.
The images in your mind are vivid and alluring: travelling the world together, exploring new places, sharing laughs and quiet moments. You picture the two of you living in a charming apartment, hosting dinner parties, and supporting each other through life's ups and downs. The fantasy is intoxicating, but it also leaves you feeling a bit hollow as you contrast it with your current life. 
Why are you thinking about all of that about a man you haven't seen or cared about in 10 years? Are you really that desperate, wallowing over what could have been when you had practically forgotten about him?
The more you dwell on it, the more you realise how much you've let his lack of response affect you. Deciding that it's time to regain control of your thoughts, you put your phone aside and focus on something productive. You dive into cleaning your house, finally discarding the takeaway boxes and clothes thrown around the room.
As you clean, the physical activity provides a welcome distraction and a sense of accomplishment. You clear the clutter, creating a more organised and inviting space. Each piece of trash you throw away and each item you put back in its place helps you feel more in control. The mess around you had mirrored the turmoil in your mind, and now, with each cleaned surface, you feel a bit more at peace.
You remind yourself of your strengths and the life you've built. Your career, your friends, your favourite plant that you bought on a whim - all these things are a testament to the vibrant and dynamic life you lead. You're not defined by a response from Jaeyun.
His life is not yours and yours is not his. You are an independent-
*ping*
Leaping over your couch, you unlock your phone and see the Instagram notification and smile brightly, like it was a job offer you’ve been patiently awaiting or an early release of your favourite manga.  The rush of anticipation and excitement courses through you as you eagerly open the app to read Jaeyun's message.
Hey there! Sorry about the delay in getting back to you. I've been on a marathon journey back from the UK over the past few days. Opted for the budget ticket, and obviously, it turned into a 36-hour saga with three stopovers 😅. But hey, I'm finally back home! 
It's genuinely awesome to hear from you! Can you believe that letter actually made its way to you? I half-suspected it was some scheme Mr. Yang cooked up to sneak a smoke break with Mr. Kim lol.
I remember writing that letter! I said a few things in there...didn’t I? 😳 So, are you still in town? We should totally catch up tomorrow if you're free. I'm all yours if you'll have me.
Your heart skips a beat as you read Jaeyun's message, a rush of excitement coursing through you. His casual tone and mention of the letter bring a smile to your face. It's a relief to see that he's not put off or weirded out by your message; instead, he seems genuinely happy to hear from you. 
His apparent recollection of what he said in the letter adds a layer of complexity to the situation. He may want to meet up to address it, perhaps to clarify that it was meant as a joke or to downplay its significance. You find yourself mentally preparing for the possibility of him saying something along the lines of, "Hey, sorry, that was just a joke, so please don't read into it."
While you tell yourself that you'll accept his explanation, deep down, you know that these past two days have shown that you may not take it as casually as you initially thought. If a simple message, or lack thereof, got you in such a tizzy, you can't imagine how you'd react to a rejection of a confession that you didn't even make.
Regardless, you type your response rapidly, not caring if it makes you look desperate and available.
You must be exhausted after travelling! But I'm glad you made it back home safe and sound. I'm free tomorrow. Can you do after 6pm? There's this cosy cafe downtown that's perfect for catching up, it’s called Daisies. I'll make sure to save you a seat. Looking forward to it! 
With a quick tap, you send the message, feeling a mix of anticipation and nervousness about tomorrow's meeting. However, you don’t get long to be alone with your thoughts as another ping of your phone comes through.
Do they do double Jack and Cokes? I think I might need it if I remember what I wrote lol…😅
In all honesty, you might need one as well.
_____
Straightening the napkins on the table for the seventh time in the space of an hour, you watch the door patiently, anticipation coursing through your veins, waiting for Jaeyun to walk through the glass door of the bar you had both settled on. Each of you knew that you wouldn’t be able to have this conversation without some form of alcohol.
It’s not that you’re nervous about seeing him again; after all, you used to see him every day. But it's the weight of the conversation that looms over you. The realisation that the first real conversation you are going to have with him throughout all these years is about a letter he confessed to you in - a letter never meant for you to read because he thought it was a hoax assignment. His actions, unintentional as they may have been, have consequences, and you can't shake the uncertainty of it all.
As the minutes tick by, each second feels heavier than the last. You find yourself lost in a whirlwind of thoughts, replaying scenarios and conversations in your mind, trying to predict how tonight's encounter might unfold. Will Jaeyun be as casual and friendly as his messages suggested, or will there be an underlying tension lingering beneath the surface?
The sound of the door opening snaps you out of your reverie, and you glance up, heart pounding, only to find it's just another punter entering the bar. You let out a sigh, the tension in your shoulders easing slightly, but the anticipation remains palpable.
You take a deep breath, reminding yourself to stay calm and composed. This is just Sim Jaeyun, not an ex, not a lost lover, not your dad’s work colleague—there is nothing to be nervous about.
“Y/N?”
Jaeyun’s melodious voice breaks through your thoughts, and you look up to meet his gaze with wide eyes, startled by his sudden appearance. How on earth did he manage to slip through that door without you noticing? The surprise registers on your face as you take in his presence, a mix of amusement and disbelief dancing in your eyes.
"Jaeyun, hey!" you exclaim, your voice betraying your surprise as it breaks, forcing you to clear the bubble in your throat and quickly regain your composure. “I mean, when did you get here?”
He laughs loudly, the rich sound filling the room as he takes the seat opposite to you. The genuine warmth of his smile is infectious, closing his eyes slightly as he enjoys the moment. “Just a minute ago, I went up to the bar first to order us a drink. You like white wine, yeah?”
Nodding, you tilt your head, intrigued. “Yeah, how did you know that?”
“I saw you started without me,” Jaeyun chuckles once again, a twinkle of mischief in his eyes as he points to your empty glass, “I made an educated guess.”
You can't help but marvel at Jaeyun's appearance. His features are striking, his smile infectious, and there's a certain magnetism about him that draws you in. It's as if he effortlessly commands attention without even trying. A face that gorgeous shouldn’t be allowed to roam so freely, you think to yourself. It should come with a warrant, or at the very least a warning label.
He’s also wearing a pretty cream jacket with a simple white Stussy t-shirt, and some cargo jeans. His hair is much longer than when he was younger, with whisps of his fringe covering his face. 
It’s parallel to your business-casual outfit, having just come from the office you decided to opt for a baby pink blouse - in honour of your hero Elle Woods, a cream thigh-length skirt, and a pair of kitten heels. It wasn’t exactly how you wished to dress while meeting Jaeyun again for the first time but due to having consultation with clients, you couldn’t exactly wear a little black dress.
Not that Jaeyun minds; as you’re lost in thought, his eyes are tracing over your body, how your clothes look tailor-made and your tits are sitting beautifully. He feels like a perv for staring at you, this is the first time he’s seen you in so long and here he is, eye fucking you. Though who could blame him? Even as he focuses on your face, forcing his eyes to leave the contours of your curves, all he can stare at is your lips and how they’ve been freshly glossed.
Clearing his throat, Jaeyun tries to shake off the inappropriate thoughts flooding his mind. "So, how have you been?" he asks, his smile innocent yet tinged with nervousness.
"Good. Yeah, good. You?" you respond, keeping your tone neutral, not revealing too much about your well-being. To you, your life is boring and lacks anything worth speaking about.
"Yeah...good," Jaeyun replies, the awkward tension between you palpable in the air.
The atmosphere strange, a tense undercurrent clouding the breezy air. Being alone with him, even being with him at all, feels unfamiliar and stirs a tinge of awkwardness in you. Luckily, he seems just as uneasy.
But when your eyes finally meet, you both burst out laughing, the tension melting away. The sound of your harmonious laughter fills the bar, louder than the soft hum of music or the chatter of others in the background.
His laugh is just as infectious as you remember it, filling the air with its higher-pitched squeals that seem to come in four successions. You watch with fondness as his body leans to the side, his eyes scrunching together in pure joy. It's a sight you hadn't realised you missed until now, a flood of memories rushing back to you in an instant. You hadn't known you knew that about him - the way he laughs, the way he tilts his head when he finds something amusing - but now, it's like a long-lost memory has suddenly resurfaced, and you're hateful to yourself for ever forgetting.
He straightens up, shaking his head to calm his amusement, yet the smile still beams from his face. Huffing out, he nods and looks at you, as though agreeing with his thoughts. “You know, I just realised that we haven’t ever spoken, so this is a bit awkward, isn’t it?”
Shaking your head, you lean forward, your fingers deftly smoothing out the tiniest wrinkle in your shirt as you relax, feeling your body shift with the new atmosphere. “That isn’t true, we had that conversation during country dancing classes.”
“Oh, you mean, ‘Can you not step on my foot, please?’ I would hardly count it as a conversation,” he dismisses it lightheartedly, offering you another chuckle as he remembers.
What he doesn’t know is that you do count it. It was your first proper encounter with him, and even though he kept squashing your toe under his tatty trainers, you let it go because it was also the first time you heard that melodic Australian accent say your name as he mumbled a quick, ‘sorry, Y/N’.
You both laugh again at the memory before the waiter brings over your drinks. “Cheers, mate. Thanks.” Jaeyun smiles politely at the man. It’s the bare minimum to thank your server, yet you can’t stop the butterflies in your stomach as he does so. It’s a testament to his kindness because most of the guys you have ever dated have been the type to snap their fingers or complain about the tiniest thing that could easily be fixed.
Not Jaeyun though, he is far too sweet to act like an arsehole. You haven’t even spent 10 minutes with him and you already know it.
As the waiter walks away, you reach for your wine before stopping for a beat, looking at it thoughtfully. There is a slice of lemon inside the glass, the sight peculiar not because you don’t like it, but rather because you do like it. It’s not conventional to have any garnishes on wine; most connoisseurs say that the wine is already perfect as made. But you like things extra bitter and everything citrus; it’s been this way since college.
You glance at Jaeyun as he sips his Jack and Coke, his attention solely on his drink, seemingly oblivious to your curiosity. Could he have known you liked wine this way? But how? It’s not like you brought a 125ml and a wedge to school. And you certainly don’t come here frequently enough for the bartender to remember you or your order.
The thought niggles at the back of your mind as you take another sip of your wine, mulling over the possibilities. Perhaps it's just a coincidence, you tell yourself, trying to rationalise the situation. But it also isn’t a big deal, you got what you wanted without asking for it which is a very rare occurrence, so you’ll take it and run.
Setting the thought aside, you indulge in a sip of the crisp wine, a contented hum escaping your lips as you enjoy the taste. With a playful shoulder dance, you set the glass down on the table. “So, how has life been since you left school?” you ask casually, even though as you glance up at him, you catch him licking the residue of his drink from his lips and it makes your body flush with heat. 
Your gaze lingers for a moment longer than intended, a fleeting moment of admiration as you catch the subtle details of his expression.
“Really…amazing actually,” he begins, his voice laced with a sense of joy as a broad smile lights up his face. “When I left, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I just got a part-time job, saved up enough to travel and see my brother back in Australia, and from there...just travelled. I did odd jobs to make money, enough to pay rent for a few months at each place.”
As Jaeyun speaks, you can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy creeping into your thoughts. His carefree lifestyle, filled with adventure and spontaneity, sounds like a dream compared to your own mundane existence of endless paperwork and court cases.
“Wow, that sounds incredible,” you respond, trying to mask the envy in your voice with genuine interest. “Must have been amazing to just pick up and go wherever you want.”
Jaeyun nods enthusiastically, his eyes alight with the memories of his adventures. “It is liberating, honestly. I’ve learned so much about myself and the world. It was good for me, it turned out to be exactly what I needed.”
He takes another sip of his JD, his expression shifting to one of apology as he notices the dejected look on your face. “But what about you? Aren’t you a fancy lawyer now? That’s way more impressive than a country-hopper.”
You know he's just trying to be polite, but his words only serve to magnify your own feelings of inadequacy. In no world is your tiresome job and lack of social life anywhere near as impressive as what he has managed to accomplish in 10 years.
Taking a big swig of your drink, you bob your head from side to side, downplaying the enormity of your profession. “Yeah, it’s okay. It pays well and I do love it some days. I work in corporate law, so it isn’t as exciting as I would have liked.”
“You wanted to do immigration law, right?” Jaeyun asks, his tone is casual but his question catches you off guard.
You pause, your eyes narrowing with scepticism as you look at him. It's one thing for him to recall your career aspirations, but for him to remember the specific field you were interested in seems almost uncanny. After all, you never spoke about it except in your university applications. So unless he had some insider knowledge, there's no reason for him to know such specific details.
Nodding slowly, you set your wine glass down and lean back. “Yeah… how did you know that? I never told anyone about it.”
“I guess I'm just quite the observer,” he jokes, though there's a hint of sheepishness in his tone as he scratches the back of his neck. He curses himself inwardly for being so casual about a minute detail that he knows he shouldn’t know. “I actually, uh, I saw you checking out an Immigration Law and Social Justice book one day. Figured that’s what you wanted to do.”
Jaeyun wasn’t lying; that really was how he knew. It was just before summer break, and he was returning his physics books when he noticed you in front of him, a pile of books in one arm, the first one being about immigration law.
You look up to the ceiling, a smile of understanding spreading across your face as you let out a contented 'oh', finally piecing together the mystery. "That makes sense now. I was so confused when you wrote about me going on to become a lawyer in that letter because I could have sworn I never uttered a word to anyone."
“That’s right! I predicted you would be a snooty lawyer,” he exclaims, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he lightly bangs his fist on the table. His chuffed grin widens, spreading across his face like he's just won the first question on a quiz show. 
Laughing, you nod in agreement. You don’t tell him that he never called you snooty because he also isn’t wrong as he adds the adjective. Although you’re easy going outside of the office, you hold yourself with high pride while at work, looking down on the men you work with. Perhaps you would be more kind if they weren’t gigantic arseholes with no morals.
So in that sense, yes, yes you are snooty.
“You also said I would be married with kids,” you point out, a chuckle escaping your lips as you recall the absurdity of the prediction.
“So? Did I get two for two?” Jaeyun retorts, a playful twinkle in his eyes as he wiggles his eyebrows. Beneath his casual demeanour, though, a subtle flutter stirs in his heart at the mention of a husband. He wants you to be happy, obviously - why wouldn’t he? But he can’t deny the pang of jealousy that tugs at him at the prospect of you being happy with another man.
You notice the subtle shift in Jaeyun's manner, the conflict between his words and the emotion flickering in his eyes, but you choose to let it pass without comment. Instead, you simply shake your head and lift your eyebrows, taking another sip of your white wine. If you don’t slow down, you’ll be finished five of these before Jaeyun has even made a dent in his first drink.
He audibly gasps at your silent confession, his surprise evident in the way his eyes widen and his jaw drops slightly. As much as he had hoped you wouldn’t have a man waiting for you at home, he can’t believe that you don’t. 
“Seriously? I would have thought someone would have snapped you up in a heartbeat,” he admits, still flabbergasted that the bright and beautiful woman sitting before him is, in fact, single.
“Nope. I guess it’s just like high school,” you say, shrugging nonchalantly as you downplay the situation. Despite trying to be casual about it all, a hint of vulnerability lingers beneath the surface. You know how it looks, being in your mid-twenties and never having been in a serious relationship. It has made you wonder countless times about what could possibly be so repulsive that men don’t want to pursue a relationship with you.
But then you remember the richness of your life - a nice cosy flat, paying all your own bills, having friends who love you unconditionally, and a supportive family who stands by every decision you make. In the grand scheme of things, your life is fulfilling in its own right, far beyond the confines of a romantic relationship.
It doesn’t mean you don’t sometimes feel like you’re missing out though, but you've come to appreciate the career-driven journey that is yours alone.
Jaeyun's laughter fills the air, warm and genuine, but there's a certain intensity in his gaze as he looks you dead in the eyes. His iris’, a shade of deep brown flecked with golden hues, seem to hold a wealth of unspoken words, as if there's something he's yearning to express beyond the surface banter.
“Like high school? As in you’re too busy to notice people looking your way?” he quips, his voice light but tinged with a hint of vulnerability. There's a subtle shift in the atmosphere, a silent recognition of the unspoken truths dancing between you due to one letter.
This damn letter.
“You did mention how you would always look at me. Although, you made it very clear you were not a stalker,” you remark with a snort of laughter, thinking back to the playful disclaimer he had included in his letter. The tension between you dissipates slightly as you both chuckle loudly with one another much like before.
Even when the air is awkward, you both still manage to find comfort in it. Perhaps it’s because you both share feelings that none of you are aware of. As far as you’re concerned, he left those feelings behind in secondary school, and he thinks you’ve never cared about him at all.
Jaeyun covers his face as the memories invade his mind of writing and re-writing the paragraph to make you abundantly aware that he did not sit outside your house at night and watch you through the window - a sentence which was in the first draft - or that he didn’t transfer classes to National 3 Maths to be close to you - even though he did and he should have graduated high school with National 5, sacrificing his academic standing just to have the seat close to yours.
“Can I read it? I need to know what I should specifically be apologising for,” Jaeyun titters, his voice muffled by the palms of his hands as he peeks through his fingers at you. The request hangs in the air, laced with a mix of curiosity and trepidation, as if he's both eager and apprehensive to revisit the words he had penned so long ago.
Reaching for your phone in your bag, you nod, trifling through the empty wrappers of gum and secret chocolate bars you sneakily eat in the office. The last time you ate your well-deserved Mars bar, your boss made a snide comment about how you must be starting your period soon. It’s men like him that make Jaeyun’s bare minimum of thanking the waiter a much-needed standard.
You retrieve your phone and open up the letter, passing it to him which he awkwardly accepts, smiling apologetically at you already for whatever 16-year-old him thought was appropriate to say. He begins to scroll, his face changing from amusement to disdain and then back to amusement. Yet one solid feature is etched on his face the entire time, hiding behind the other emotions he is portraying but you can’t figure it out.
You observe Jaeyun as he clicks the phone to lock it, a myriad of emotions flickering across his face before he passes it back to you. There's a hint of apprehension in his eyes, mingled with a quiet resignation, yet he does what Jaeyun does best; he smiles and washes his true feelings away.
“It was even more cringe-worthy than I remember, I seriously gotta apologise that you had to read all of that,” he says with a self-deprecating chuckle, his tone light but carrying a hint of genuine remorse. It's his way of deflecting, of downplaying his confession, but you can't help but sense the underlying sincerity beneath his words.
"I honestly thought it was a joke when I opened it and saw your name," you admit softly, wary of your words. You don't want him to think you found his feelings laughable, but rather that receiving a love letter at all was the punchline, particularly back then.
Contrary to his portrayal in the letter, you didn't consider yourself pretty or beautiful in high school. You felt average, plagued by acne, with scars that still dot your face as lingering reminders. Your hair was often a mess, your face untouched by makeup, and you never settled on a style, finding them all too mismatched with your personality.
Upon hearing your confession, Jaeyun's eyes widen in disbelief. "Seriously? Why?"
You shrug, picking up your glass and swirling it thoughtfully before responding. "You were with Chris and the others, and let's be honest, they weren't exactly my best friends," you scoff, recalling the snide comments his friends used to make in passing, or the 'accidental' bumps that would cause you to drop your phone or books.
There is a pregnant pause in the air as Jaeyun's expression softens with understanding, a hint of regret shadowing his features. "I'm sorry you had to deal with all that," he murmurs, genuine remorse colouring his tone.
You offer a small, dismissive wave of your hand, attempting to brush off the memories. "Water under the bridge now," you say, though the bitterness still lingers beneath the surface. It wasn’t his fault; he had no control over his friends' actions, and in hindsight, he was the one in the group who never laughed at your discomfort or instigated trouble for you. He was always there to offer you an apologetic smile when you needed it.
Back then, it was hard to see him as an individual from the others, considering he was always by their side. But in retrospect you realise that your crush on him had been rooted in an unspoken recognition of his genuine and kind nature, even if in high school you couldn’t fully see it. You never hated him, the opposite in fact, and there was a reason for that.
A chuckle escapes Jaeyun's lips, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "If it makes you feel better, I got my wish," he says, laughter lacing his words as he knocks back the rest of his drink. "Half of them peaked in school, and Chris is divorced and balding as we speak."
You can't help but laugh along with him, the irony not lost on you. "Well, karma works in mysterious ways," you quip, raising your glass in a mock toast to the twists of fate.
Jaeyun grins, clinking his glass against yours. "Cheers to that."
Settling comfortably back in your seat, you smile fondly at him. Despite the heaviness of the conversation, you feel at ease. There’s something about him that makes you feel safe, a sense that no matter what’s going on in your mind, he can calm you down. You recall his words in the letter, how he could look at you and instantly feel better.
Jaeyun's gaze holds a gentle intensity, his eyes sparkling with a glint of satisfaction as he observes your visibly relaxed state. "It's nice seeing you like this," he murmurs softly, a hint of warmth lacing his voice. "I always hoped we'd have a moment like this someday."
You hum softly, grinning sheepishly at the prospect that Sim Jaeyun could have thought about you even after your school years. It does beg the elephant in the room to be addressed, however, both of you sneaking around the main focus of his written word.
"In the letter," you begin, feeling a curious mix of apprehension and anticipation swirl in your chest. The question hovers on the tip of your tongue, laden with the weight of untold possibilities. "Why didn’t you ask me out?"
The inquiry catches Jaeyun off guard, momentarily stalling his easy demeanour. He blinks, a flicker of surprise crossing his features before he recovers with a thoughtful expression. It's evident that he hadn't anticipated such directness from you, despite knowing your inquisitive nature all too well.
Straightening out his jacket with a nervous flick, Jaeyun adjusts his posture to convey a sense of faux confidence. He clears his throat and licks his lips, gathering his thoughts before speaking. "I shouldn’t have been a coward," he admits, his voice tinged with a hint of vulnerability.
Jaeyun's candid admission bubbles shock into you, yet you find it refreshing coming from a man. You nod in understanding, silently acknowledging his confession.
"You were just…you," he says, meeting your eyes with candour. "Smart, attractive, career-oriented, and determined to change the world. And I was just a screwy little kid with no life aspirations and nothing to offer a girl like you."
His words resonate within you, with a genuine honesty that is both disarming and charming. Despite his self-deprecating tone, you can't help but be empathic to the vulnerability he's exhibiting.
"I didn't see you that way," you say, your voice soft but genuine, hoping to convey that you never considered him beneath you. In your view, you could never be on his level, not in a negative sense, but in the understanding that he exuded charisma and confidence that seemed out of reach. Your personalities were too contrasting, with him being cool and outgoing, while you felt you would have fallen short.
Jaeyun lets out a rueful laugh, a wry smile playing on his lips. "You didn't see me at all, did you?" he replies, his tone carrying a mix of self-awareness and resignation.
His words hit you like a blow to the chest, a painful realisation dawning upon you. You wince, feeling yourself crumble inward, the weight of missed opportunities and unspoken truths bearing down heavily on your shoulders. If you had stuck your head out of your own bubble, maybe you would be sitting and having a drink with him as something more than high school could haves.
"I'm sorry about that," you say, your voice laced with regret. "I was so focused on studying and staying away from your crowd that I just didn't see."
Jaeyun's expression softens, his features reflecting a mixture of empathy and knowing. "It's alright," he says gently, reaching out to place a comforting hand on yours. “The way you were back then, it was exactly the reason I lo-, I liked you so much,” he confesses sheepishly, stumbling over his words as he skirts around the most obviously avoided topic of his letter.
Shaking off the intensity of the moment, Jaeyun gestures for the waiter to return, his easy smile returning as he orders more drinks, figuring that if he’s sipping, he isn’t saying something he might regret. 
“So, tell me about being a lawyer.”
_____
For the next three hours, you both speak about everything and anything; from his adventurous travels to your disastrous dates, from your awful bosses to the state of the government, you discuss it all. Each topic seamlessly flows into another, and you find yourself conversing with ease, as if you're best friends on your weekly catch up.
As the evening progresses, you've shared stories, laughter, and even a few moments of vulnerability. The wine has flowed freely, the bottle emptying with each heartfelt story, while Jaeyun has indulged in his fair share of Jack and Coke, the familiar burn of the alcohol helping to dissolve any lingering feelings of apprehension.
Despite the passage of time and the years spent apart, it feels as though no time has passed at all. You find yourself effortlessly connecting with Jaeyun, discovering new facets of his personality with each shared anecdote and heartfelt confession. You wonder if you would have gotten along this well in secondary school.
"Is this you back for good then or?" you ask, the wine buzz kicking into your system enough to make you lean forward, resting your chin on your hand as you gaze at him with an undercurrent of longing.
Jaeyun's expression softens, his eyes never meeting yours but they shine with a hint of something you cannot put your finger on. "I'm actually going to Malta the day after tomorrow. This was just a flying visit," he replies, his tone tinged with a sense of wistfulness.
The news comes as bittersweet to you because just as you had Jaeyun within reach, he is also leaving you just as quickly. But you’re also envious that while you have to get up early and represent people in a boardroom who only see value in money and nothing else, he is galavanting to another dream destination.
"Ugh, I am so jealous!" you proclaim, unable to hide the playful pout that forms on your lips. Your declaration elicits a hearty laugh from Jaeyun, his eyes crinkling with amusement as he shakes his head, seemingly amused by the idea of someone successful like you being envious of him.
Because little do you know, that behind the facade of excitement of his adventures lies a loneliness he's kept hidden for years. He couch surfs, has little money to his name, and lacks solid friends to call in times of need. He hasn’t even seen his family in years, missing out on cherished moments like Christmas and birthdays. Despite the allure of adventure and freedom, his heart aches for companionship, for someone to share his experiences with.
As if a lightbulb goes off atop his head, he bites his lip and begins to speak. “You could co-”
“Sorry guys, we actually need this table for a last-minute reservation, could you sit at the bar until a free table is available?” The interruption from your waiter cuts off Jaeyun before he can finish his sentence, leaving him momentarily stunned.
You glance at your phone and smile, "It’s getting late anyway so we should go. Thank you though," you respond politely, masking any disappointment you might feel.
Jaeyun nods in agreement, thanking the waiter once again before standing up. He holds out his hand for you to take as you rise from your chair, an action that sends butterflies fluttering in your stomach. It’s not the gesture itself but the way he extended his hand without thinking about it.
Taking Jaeyun’s hand, you stand up, careful not to bump into anything as you step out from behind the table. Together, you retreat outside, the cool night air hitting your alcohol-flushed faces, a refreshing contrast to the warmth of the crowded restaurant. The sensation brings a sense of relief, washing away the residual tension from the interrupted conversation.
Jaeyun notices the icy air, but instead of embracing it, his gaze falls on you, and he can't help but notice how your thin blouse must be providing little protection against the chill. Swiftly, he takes off his jacket and drapes it around your shoulders, adjusting it with care to ensure you're snug and warm.
You're taken aback by his offer, feeling a rush of gratitude and warmth flood through you at his thoughtful gesture. "Thank you," you say softly, a smile touching your lips as you pull the jacket tighter around you.
He returns your smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners with genuine affection. “Let me walk you home?” he offers, his tone gentle yet insistent.
You hesitate for a moment, trying to save him the inconvenience, but he's not fooled. Jaeyun knows the dangers of a woman walking alone at night, and while he trusts your ability to handle yourself, he wouldn't feel right if he left you and something did happen. Plus, deep down, he relishes the opportunity to spend as much time with you as possible.
Touched by his concern, you look up at him and offer a small smile. "I only live down the road, I'll be fine," you assure him, though the underlying appreciation in your voice is evident.
Jaeyun shakes his head with determination, a glint of resolve in his eyes. "I insist," he says firmly, reaching for your hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I won't take no for an answer."
His sincerity and insistence warm your heart, and you find yourself relenting, knowing that his company will make the short walk home all the more enjoyable. With a grateful nod, you lead the way, feeling a sense of comfort and safety in his presence as you navigate the dimly lit streets together.
You really do only live about 10 minutes away, so the walk is quick by usual standards. Yet, tonight, you find yourself taking your time, savouring each step as if seeing the world through a new lens. Perhaps it's the lingering effects of the wine, or maybe it's the comforting presence of Jaeyun's hand in yours, but suddenly, the world feels lighter and fresher than it did just this morning.
As you stroll through the streets, you notice the ebb and flow of life around you. People are walking into bars, some are finishing up for the day, and others are simply enjoying a leisurely evening stroll. The streets hum with a busy yet serene energy, a unique blend of activity and tranquillity that can only be found when there's no rush to get from A to B.
Reaching your apartment building, you slow your pace, allowing yourself to take in the familiar surroundings with newfound appreciation. The soft glow of the streetlights casts a warm ambience over the building's facade, while the gentle hum of the city envelops you both.
You pause in front of the entrance, turning to Jaeyun with a smile. "This is me," you say, gesturing with the hand clasped in his, pulling him out of whatever thoughts have plagued him this whole journey.
While you were admiring your hometown, Jaeyun was overcome with thoughts that, once you reach your flat, this could be the last time he sees you again. He doesn’t want to come across as greedy for your time or clingy considering this is the first time you’ve both interacted in ten years, but he had so much fun that he doesn’t want it to end here.
Luckily for him, you have the same thoughts even if you aren’t projecting them in your manner the same way he is. “Would you like to come up?”
Your invitation hangs in the air, laden with the unspoken hope of spending just a little more time in each other’s company or maybe something else. Jaeyun's heart skips a beat as he meets your gaze, seeing a glimmer of anticipation reflected in your eyes. He hesitates for only a moment, the weight of his own desires battling against his fear of overstepping.
But in the end, the pull of your company proves too strong to resist. With a soft smile, Jaeyun nods, his voice barely above a whisper. "If that’s okay, I would love to."
The thing about you both is that you’re seeking companionship in one another while also oblivious that the other feels the same way. You aren’t noticing how Jaeyun subtly prolonged the walk, pulling you back a few times as if reluctant to let the evening end. And he certainly didn’t notice the hopeful glint in your eyes as you asked him for another bout of his time, knowing what this could lead to.
As you both step into the building and make your way up the stairs to your apartment, there's a quiet anticipation between you, a sense of possibility tinged with the thrill of the unknown. Each step brings you closer together, the space between you filled with unspoken thoughts and unvoiced desires.
As you unlock the door and step inside, the warmth of your home envelops you, a comforting embrace that welcomes Jaeyun into your world. 
You are also very glad that you had that anxiety-induced cleanathon.
Jaeyun wipes his feet on your doormat before heading inside, looking around at your quaint yet busy home. “Your flat is nice. Homely.”
“I’m either here or the office so…” you explain, taking your shoes and his jacket off, discarding them on their appropriate stands. 
Since you spend a lot of evenings in your office, which is sterile and minimalistic, you wanted the opposite tone for your house. You filled it with knick-knacks and plants, every available surface adorned with shelves or posters, while the warm orange paint added a cosy glow to the environment. This was your sanctuary and you couldn’t love it any more.
You wonder if you would love it so much if your office wasn’t your only other option of residence.
You open the refrigerator and peep at the beverages you have on hand. "Do you want a beer, wine, or I can make a coffee?” You offer, grinning and looking at Jaeyun.
“Beer sounds good, thank you,” Jaeyun replies, his attention drifting towards one of your paintings that hangs just beside a free-standing bookshelf filled with your favourite romance and fantasy books.
You don’t get the chance to read as often as you would like, but when you do, it has to be filled with a romance that is so out of reach that you can convince yourself that it would never happen to you anyway. If it’s too realistic, you start to feel a little burdened at the lack of love you receive from a partner.
Grabbing a beer for him and a glass of white for yourself, you make your way over to him, extending your hand as you offer him the ice-cold drink. He accepts it with an appreciative nod and suddenly, his eyes dart over to your University degrees, each one showcasing your incredible knowledge and talent. You always ended up top of your class with first honours, a testament to your hard work.
“You really made something of yourself, Y/N. It’s incredible.” Jaeyun says softly, clinking your glass with his bottle.
“Eh, it’s all amazing and then you’re suddenly working crazy hours with not so much as a thank you,” you shrug, voice bitter as you think about all the times your dedication to your clients goes by unnoticed. You don’t do it for the acknowledgment, however, when your colleagues are getting praise for doing the bare minimum, it starts to nag at you.
Turning to you, he tilts his head, “Do you hate it?”
Do you? That’s the big question. Maybe if you had stuck to immigration law like you wanted and weren’t swayed towards corporate all because your University advisor had told you ‘It’s what is best for someone of your calibre’ then maybe, just maybe, you would be content. You aren’t being fulfilled the way you hoped you would.
“I don’t think I hate the work as much as I hate the people. They are soulless, money-hungry, misogynistic pigs with no manners,” you say spitefully, the anger bubbling inside you evident in the fire that flashes in your eyes. As much as the job might not be totally fulfilling, you think you would enjoy it more if the men in your office or those you represent had even a shred of respect for you.
Your shoulders tense, the frustration threatening to overwhelm you, but as you hear Jaeyun’s subtle laughter, you whip your head around and knit your brows together. “What?” you demand, your tone sharp with irritation. There was nothing funny in your statement, so you're finding it rather difficult to understand the chuckle that is flooding your ear.
“No, no, I’m not laughing at your struggles,” he says softly, sensing your manner change to slightly standoffish. “It’s just…you haven’t changed. You’re still passionate and driven. Just like the girl I fell in--”
He stops himself abruptly, the words dying on his lips as he realises what he was about to say. Mentally kicking himself for almost letting slip, not once, but twice tonight, he trails off into an awkward silence, the unspoken words hanging heavily between you.
But you can’t let it slide a second time. If you’re going to talk about it, now is as good a time as any.
You inhale deeply, the air heavy as you gather your courage to broach the difficult conversation. It’s not one you particularly want to have, but you know it's necessary nonetheless. Steadying yourself, you meet Jaeyun's gaze with determination, steeling yourself for what's to come.
“Jaeyun, when you wrote that you thought you loved me in that letter, was it true?”
His initial shake of the head sends a pang of disappointment through you, but before you can fully process it, he continues, his voice carrying a weight of sincerity. He places his beer on the unit beside him and takes a step forward, his expression earnest.
“No,” he begins, and for a moment, you brace yourself for the finality of his words. But then he surprises you, his next words washing over you like a wave of relief and warmth. “I didn’t think I loved you, I knew it. I just didn’t want to come across as weird or pathetic.”
His honesty leaves you momentarily speechless, your heart racing as you take in the depth of his confession. And as he reaches out, gently taking the wine from your slightly trembling hands and setting it aside, your breath catches in your throat.
With both his hands cradling your face, you find yourself drawn into his gaze, the intensity of his eyes locking with yours. In that moment, time seems to stand still, the world around you fading into the background as you lose yourself in the connection between you.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, I really am,” Jaeyun admits, his voice laced with regret as he pours out his heart to you. His eyes close for a moment, as if savouring the sensation of your face under his fingertips, the soft beating of your heart a comforting rhythm in the silence between you.
“Adult me hates teenage me for not jumping on the chance to tell you how beautiful and awe-inspiring I thought you were, that I still think you are,” he continues, his words filled with raw honesty. “I was scared because you were so out of my league that I felt ridiculous for even thinking you could love me back. I fucking regret it all because even though we never spoke, I knew I wanted to be with someone as brilliant and wonderful as you. I tried so hard to find someone like you over the years and yet not one person ever compared, because there is only one you, Y/N. And I hate that you weren’t mine for even a minute.”
You have no words to say and it agitates you because here was Jaeyun, telling you how he felt and you couldn’t even give him an ounce of assurance that you would have been his if he had just asked. Your feelings back then were not as intense as his but they were real all the same. No, you didn’t love him but you wonder if you could have.
Jaeyun leans in, resting his forehead against yours, nudging your nose with an affectionate, almost playful tenderness. His warm, alcohol-tinged breath washes over your face, causing you to close your eyes along with him, immersing yourself in the intimate moment passing between you both.
“I don’t want to make the same mistake, Y/N. I can’t.”
His words hang in the air, laden with meaning and urgency. Before you can fully process them, he kisses you. It's a kiss so tender, so full of reverence, it feels as if you were a delicate rose being presented to his most cherished person.
Despite the sincerity and fondness you feel through the gentle pressure of his lips, a wave of uncertainty washes over you. He is leaving for Malta in less than 48 hours, and the thought of the impending separation threatens to overshadow the moment of intimacy you share.
But in this moment, with Jaeyun's arms wrapped around you and his lips against yours, all thoughts of the future fade away. You're consumed by the warmth of his embrace, the sweetness of his kiss, and the undeniable chemistry that ignites between you.
You know there are risks involved, that giving yourself to him could lead to heartache when he inevitably leaves. But this might be the only chance to embrace him, to have him as your own, even for a moment, just as he had wanted all those years ago. Deep down, you know that you could live to regret not taking this chance, the same way he regrets not confessing to you in fourth year.
So you let your inhibitions go, allowing yourself to be swept away by the intensity of the moment. His tongue swipes over your lips, a soft purr escaping him as he seeks to taste more than just your cherry-tinted lip balm. You can't help but surrender to the intoxicating pull of desire.
He pushes you gently against the wall by your hips, his lips never leaving yours. His senses are overwhelmed by you in every way possible: the taste of you on his tongue, your perfume drifting into his nose, the feel of your body pressing against his, and the soft echoes of your moans filling his ears. He loves it all so much that he thinks he could get addicted to it.
As Jaeyun deepens the kiss, your hands instinctively find their way to the nape of his neck, fingers tangling in his hair. Each touch, each caress, feels electrifying, sparking a fervour that neither of you can ignore. The taste of him, mingled with the remnants of his drink, is intoxicating, making your heart race faster with every passing second.
Jaeyun’s hands wander from your hips, tracing the curves of your waist and back, committing the feel of you to memory. He pulls you closer, erasing any remaining space between you, the heat of his body seeping into yours. Your breaths come faster, mingling with his in the small, shared space between your mouths.
Breaking the kiss, he rests his forehead against yours once more, both of you breathing heavily. His eyes search yours, filled with an intensity that makes your knees weak. “Y/N,” he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion, “I’ve wanted you for so long, even when I thought I would never see you again, I thought about you.”
“Yeah?” you ask breathlessly, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, your fingers tangling in the soft strands.
Nodding, Jaeyun’s features shift, his gaze darkening with a hunger that makes your pulse quicken. He kneels before you, his hands moving with deliberate slowness as he finds the zip at the back of your skirt. His fingers work the zipper down, the sound of it seeming loud in the charged silence of the room.
His eyes never leave yours as he sinks down, the skirt slipping down your legs to pool at your feet, leaving you in your white panties. The vulnerability of the moment sends a shiver down your spine, but Jaeyun's adoring gaze and gentle touch reassure you.
Jaeyun places his hands on your hips, his thumbs brushing over your skin in soothing circles. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, his voice filled with awe as he looks up at you from his kneeling position. His eyes trace the lines of your body, drinking in the sight of you.
The raw adoration in his gaze ignites a fire within you, and you feel a rush of emotions you can barely contain. “Jaeyun,” you breathe, your hands resting on his shoulders for balance as you steady yourself against the overwhelming surge of feelings.
His hands move from your hips to your thighs, his touch light but firm as he traces the contours of your legs. The anticipation builds with each gentle caress, your skin tingling under his fingertips. When he finally leans in, pressing a tender kiss just above the waistband of your panties, a soft gasp escapes your lips.
His touch is reverent, each movement deliberate and full of intent. He hooks his fingers into the sides of your panties, looking up at you for permission. You nod, your breath hitching as he slowly slides them down, his eyes locked on yours the entire time.
Jaeyun’s mind races as he sees you in this vulnerable state, yet he is the one who feels exposed. His feelings are pouring out of him like never before, and it’s all down to the fact that you bring that side out of him. No 16 year old should have had the emotional intelligence to decipher a crush from love, yet with you as his focus on the subject, he knew exactly what it was. While his friends were goofing off with people at parties and at the bike rack at school in a fleeting fling, he was wondering how he could make you his.
Looking at your exposed heat, he places a soft, lingering kiss just above your clit, making you jolt. You hadn’t expected him to find it so quickly, yet, it was as easy for him to find as a horse in a cow farm, like he had been doing this for years with you.
Once he feels your fingers threading through his hair, massaging his scalp, he takes it as the go-ahead to dive in deeper and explore you in ways he only imagined he could. Placing your left leg over his right shoulder and keeping his grip on your thigh for balance, he dips his tongue into your folds, moving in slow but strong strokes, lapping your taste up in his mouth. If your lips had him intoxicated, your pussy had him obsessed.
You throw your head against the wall and buck your hips up to open yourself up further to him, allowing him the privilege to get lost between your thighs and drink you up like a man deprived of cold water on a hot day. He’s so eager to please you that you can sense how much he is enjoying this, maybe even more than you are. 
Jaeyun’s tongue swirls at the entrance of your core before he pushes in, tracing the bumps of your wall as he explores your pretty pussy and its tightness; he can only imagine what his cock will feel like clamped inside you, if you grant him the honour to do so.
One thing you crushed on Jaeyun the most over in secondary school was his nose - the prominent feature stood out against everything else and you couldn’t help but marvel at it from time to time. Big noses have been your weakness since your hormones started to kick in and Jaeyun’s was perfect. You know this for a fact now as it brushes on your clit as he slurps and sucks up your cunt.
You revel in the sensation, how his enthusiastic and skilled mouth shivers down your spine. It's a testament to his attention to detail, his dedication to your pleasure evident in every movement, every touch.
His hands paw at your thighs as he loses himself in worshipping your mound. It’s tang on his taste buds only driving him further into madness - he can’t believe how lucky he is in this moment, so much so that he is grinning like a Cheshire cat as he continues to devour you.
“Jaeyun-” you breathe out sharply, the air in your chest leaving your body as he licks fast stipes up to your clit, focusing his attention where he knows you want it most. It is truly remarkable how well he knows you despite only knowing you from afar until now. 
“Tell me what you want, baby,” he mumbles into your cunt, burying his face into you as he laps up the juices that are leaking from your hole, “I’m here to please you, please let me.” Jaeyun doesn’t mean for it to come off as begging but he is so desperate for you he can't help it; and when your thighs tense slightly at his words, he thinks perhaps you want him to plead with you.
You’re so used to being around men who think that they own you, that are superior to you, that as Jaeyun asks you to let him pleasure you, it's a refreshing change. His words, muffled against your wetness, carry a genuine desire to fulfil your every desire. You can feel the sincerity in his actions, the earnestness in his plea.
“I want you to make me cum, please, Jaeyun. I need it so bad,” you whisper into the hot atmosphere that surrounds you both. You’re close and he can sense it too and right now, that is all you care about. You need to feel that satisfaction rush over you, your body is aching for it because it knows Jaeyun can bring you to that peak.
Whimpering below you, Jaeyun loses all sense of control and picks up his pace, his fingers now circling your entrance before slipping into you, scissoring you open in a mix of gentleness and roughness. He loves the idea of being able to touch you like this and make you release over his hand and tongue.
Nibbling at your clit is the final straw and you feel that tightness in your stomach and clench in your pussy as you cry out, cumming all over his face. The whites of your eyes come to the forefront as your entire body rolls and the wave of your climax consumes you like a tsunami. The grip you have on his hair tightens and you hold him in place, your body riding his face as his nose, tongue, and fingers work in tandem with you to help you ride out your high.
You don’t think you’ve cum so hard from just oral, these types of experiences being between you and your toys. Jaeyun is a man above the rest and you can’t wait to have more of him.
As he gently guides your leg back to the ground, his hands steady you as you tremble in the aftermath of pleasure. His thoughts wander, contemplating the possibility of lingering between your thighs for just a few more precious moments, coaxing yet another orgasm from your willing body.
For Jaeyun, the idea of bringing you to such heights of ecstasy is not just a source of pride but pure joy. The thought of surrendering himself completely to your pleasure fills him with a sense of fulfilment like nothing else. In a world where some might find embarrassment, he finds only bliss in the act of surrendering to his woman, to you.
Looking down at him, his eyes locking with yours past your heaving chest, you moan quietly at the sight of him; his hair dishevelled thanks to your hands, your juices over his face and lips which he wipes his fat tongue along to collect, and his eyes filled with pure adoration and lust.
You’re never going to be able to let him go.
Tracing a path of tender kisses along your body, his lips remain in constant contact with your skin, leaving a trail of warmth and sensation in their wake. With each gentle press of his lips, he conveys his adoration and reverence for every inch of you. It's a silent yet powerful declaration of his desire to explore and worship every part of your being.
Once he reaches your neck, he stops, nibbling softly at your nape. "God, you taste so good," he murmurs against your skin, his breath warm against your neck. "I could spend forever right here, just worshipping you."
His words send a shiver down your spine, a delicious anticipation building within you at the thought of what's to come. You tilt your head slightly, granting him better access, silently urging him to continue his actions. 
"I could lose myself in you," he continues, his voice husky with desire. "Every touch, every kiss, I want to claim every part of you for myself, even just for tonight.”
His honesty pangs in your chest because what if it is just for tonight? The probability of that is high and yet you don’t dare think about it, the revelation too upsetting for you to consider. So you push it down, committing yourself to enjoy this, regardless of the what-ifs. Having him now is all that matters and you’re going to relish in it.
Grabbing his t-shirt, you yank it off his body and kiss him desperately, your arms finding home around his neck as you waltz him to your bedroom, thankful for your familiarity with your apartment as you weave around coffee tables and decorative baskets.
As you reach the bedroom, a primal need surges between you, an urgency and determination unlike anything you've experienced before. With a sense of raw desire, you turn him around and push him onto the bed, your actions driven by an irresistible force that neither of you can deny.
Straddling him, you see his face light up in excitement and glee as you initiate the next move. Jaeyun loves it when his eagerness is reciprocated and by the way your thighs are squeezing each of his sides and your hands are cradling his face as you kiss him messily, he feels so wanted at this moment.
His hands eagerly grasp at your blouse, urgency guiding his movements as he tears it open and discards it aside. With unbridled desire, he buries his face into your chest, kissing and nibbling at the exposed flesh above your bra. Fingers knead and lift your tits, enhancing the sensation as he revels in the intimate contact between skin and skin.
The heat between you intensifies and Jaeyun's ardour only grows stronger. His lips trail from your chest to your neck, peppering kisses along the sensitive skin, igniting a flurry of sensations that ripple through your body.
With a skilful touch, his hands explore the curves of your body, tracing the contours with a fervent hunger. Fingers dance over the fabric of your bra, teasingly tracing the edges before deftly unhooking it, revealing your breasts in all their glory.
“You’re a fucking dream, Sweetheart,” he confesses, knowing that you have, in fact, clouded his dreams some nights. “You always have been.”
Grabbing his chin gently, you lift his eyes to meet yours and smile fondly, showcasing your affection through your sparkling pupils. “You’re so pretty, Jaeyun,” you utter quietly as each syllable matches the thumping in his chest.
Jaeyun flushes red and smiles brightly, like you’ve just called him a good boy and he’s your golden retriever. What you don’t expect is for him to open his mouth just wide enough to poke his tongue out, asking for something.
It takes a moment for you to grasp his silent request, but once you do, your hold on his chin transitions to his jaw, gently urging it wider as you oblige, softly spitting into his waiting mouth. A soft whimper escapes his throat as his eyes flutter closed, savouring the intimate exchange with an fervour.
Emboldened by the connection between you, you lean in closer, your lips brushing against his in a silent promise of more to come. His response is immediate, a soft moan escaping his lips as he eagerly presses himself against you, seeking to deepen the connection between your bodies.
You feel his clothed cock against your naked heat and suddenly the room is filled with explicit moans, both of you dry-humping one another like horny teens. It’s electric and you both want each other more than any destination or University degree, it feels like you’ve found your hearts true desires in the confines of this bedroom.
“Let me have you,” His plea resonates in the air, heavy with longing and urgency, as his fingertips caress every contour of your exposed skin, eliciting a cascade of goosebumps in their wake. "Please, Y/N," he groans, his voice thick with desire, the intensity of his gaze locking with yours in an unspoken plea for surrender.
“If you let me have you,” you whisper into his mouth, ghosting your lips above his,
“Baby, you’ve had me for a lifetime.”
His response is without a moment of silence, followed by a deep kiss that ignites a fire within you both, drawing you into a passionate embrace. With a gentle yet possessive grip, he pulls you closer, his hands trailing down to caress the curves of your ass. The sharp sound of his gentle slaps mingles with your moans, echoing off the walls as pleasure courses through your veins.
As the heat between you reaches its peak, you break the kiss with a soft gasp, a mischievous glint in your eyes. With a playful smirk, you slide your hands down to the waistband of his trousers, fingers deftly undoing the buttons as you tease him with each deliberate movement.
Jaeyun watches you with a mix of anticipation and desire, his breath coming in shallow gasps as he eagerly awaits your next move. You climb off him for a moment as you peel his trousers and boxers down his legs, revealing his hardened length, aching for your touch. His arousal is evident and his cock is thick and twitching with its need to be buried inside of you.
Discarding the trousers aside, you meet his gaze with a wicked grin, your desire mirroring his as you hover above him. Your eyes sparkle playfully as you slink forward, your lips caress his teasingly, then trail kisses down his chest, creating a path of fire in your wake. Jaeyun's breath hitches as he watches you with rapt attention; his anticipation grows with every second.
Your fingertips follow enticingly down his thighs as you approach his waist, sending shivers of expectation coursing through his body. You gently but firmly guide his legs apart so that you can lower yourself between them for better access.
Grinning slyly, you approach him closely, your breath ghosting over his skin as you torment him with every instant that passes. Then you take him quickly into your mouth and engulf him with a hunger that leaves him panting for air.
Jaeyun surrenders to the thrilling sensation as waves of pleasure rush over him; his hands tangling in your hair as he leads you, lost in the depths of bliss. In this moment, there is nothing but the two of you, bound together by a passion that knows no bounds.
However, as good as your mouth feels, and fuck does it feel good, Jaeyun needs to be enveloped by your warm walls, he craves it like an addiction, and he genuinely thinks that once he gets a taste of you wrapped around him, he might just have to check himself into pussy anonymous.
Using his grip on your hair, he yanks you up off of him, causing confusion to overcome your expression. “Baby, if I’m not fucking you in the next 3 seconds, I might just die,” he laughs but he is serious, you can tell he is by how he’s already grasping his cock with his freehand and holding it in position for you to sink onto it.
So that is exactly what you do. You straddle him one more, lining him up at your entrance before slowly easing your way onto him. With each inch, you take your time, allowing yourself to adjust to his size, the sensation of him filling you completely overwhelming your senses. Jaeyun's hands grip your hips tightly, guiding you as you slowly sink down onto him, his breath catching in his throat as you finally envelop him completely. 
Due to his thickness, you take your time to adjust to his size, grinding on him to open you up a bit more, not that any of you mind because as you do so, the tip of his dick is brushing inside you blissfully. 
"You're taking me so well, beautiful," Jaeyun says, his voice hoarse with need, his hands tracing patterns of heat over your skin. "I was made for you.”
You begin to ride him while moaning gently beneath your breath. At first, your motions are shallow as you slowly elevate your hips. Each motion causes a surge of pleasure to course through your body, sparking a fire that grows more intense with each passing second.
Jaeyun's hands are firmly grasping your hips, directing you as you find your rhythm. His own groans blend with yours to create a symphony of want. Your walls are squeezing his thick cock so tight that each time he lifts you higher, the bell of his cock snags on your entrance, trapping him inside.
“You’re bouncing on my cock so well, Y/N,” he compliments as he kisses you gently on your bouncing tit. His heavy breath mists over your heart and it clenches along with your core. He’s so beautiful and adoring that he has ruined every other man for you.
As the ecstasy consumes both of you, Jaeyun's control starts unravelling and his primitive impulses begin to take over as he loses himself in the intensity of the moment. He jackhammers himself further into you with each thrust and he lets out a howl, completely losing all control of his movements. His thrusts become more frantic and more desperate as he hears your cries of pleasure.
The rhythm of your fucking frenzy transforms into a symphony of desire, the sound of his hips meeting yours echoing off the walls as he pounds into you with unrestrained passion. Each thrust sends shockwaves of pleasure rippling through your body, pushing you closer and closer to the edge of oblivion.
You cling to him desperately, lost in the overwhelming intensity as you surrender yourself completely to the pleasure that consumes you. With each powerful buck of his hips, you feel yourself hurtling towards the brink, the sensation building to a fever pitch as you both race towards the climax that awaits.
"F-Fuck, Jaeyun!" you groan out, your voice a mixture of pleasure and desperation as you hug his head between your cleavage, unable to contain the overwhelming sensation coursing through your body.
Jaeyun is completely lost in the moment, his focus solely on the incredible feeling of being enveloped by you. He bites down harshly on one of your breasts, leaving a bruise as a mark of his passion, eliciting a cry of pleasure mixed with a hint of pain from you.
Taking control, Jaeyun’s only objective now is to feel you cumming on his cock, so he picks up the pace, bringing your body down to lie on top of him as he sinks into your mattress. Using his legs as anchors, he thrusts into you with an otherworldly speed, each movement driving you closer to the edge.
“Come on, Sweetheart, cum all over me,” he grits out, all of his focus on his hips.
The slapping of your skin and how his tip is puncturing your cervix is enough to tumble you over, a roar leaving your mouth as you come undone just as he wanted. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, Jaeyun!” You can’t form coherent sentences because to put it plainly, the dick is too good. It’s rendered you dumb and the only thoughts in your mind are; Jaeyun, cock, feels good, cumming.
Smiling brightly beneath you, Jaeyun marvels at your face as you let the pleasure take over. Your eyes are screwed shut and your mouth is open wide with short breaths escaping, your chest is panting against his and he can feel your heart race against his.
“That’s it, baby. God, you’re so fucking beautiful.” Jaeyun whispers earnestly.
As you start to relax into the aftermath of your second orgasm of the night, he picks up the pace again, now content to seek his own release. Clawing down your back, he holds your hips still and batters into your sensitive and spent pussy, knowing that the beating it just took must have left you sore, so he needs to cum quickly.
You aid him in his quest for release, showering him with kisses across his chest, neck, and face, your droopy eyes still gleaming with adoration despite the ache that lingers within you. "Jaeyun, you're fucking me so good," you whisper gently into his ear, nibbling at his lobe in a gesture of encouragement that sends a jolt of electricity coursing through him, his length throbbing inside of you in response.
Empowered by your words, Jaeyun's rhythm becomes even more intense, his movements propelled by an innate urge to reach his climax, which between your tight cunt and your seductive words, it doesn’t take him long.
"I'm cumming, fuck, I'm cumming, Baby," Jaeyun mewls, his voice strained with desperation as he tries to push you off of him, but you hold him firmly in place, unwilling to let him escape the imminent release.
With a whispered plea, you encourage him to let go completely, to surrender to the intoxicating pleasure that courses through both of you. "Cum inside me, Jaeyun. Let me feel you," you urge, your voice filled with lust and longing.
He shakes his head and tries to roll over to pull out, yet you remain headstrong and unyielding to his attempts of escape. “I have the implant, Jaeyun, you can cum in me as much as you want.”
The lawyer in you is furious that you’re letting him bust a nut inside of you due to your irresponsibility, but the happy and content you is relishing in the fact that any second, you’re going to be filled with Sim Jaeyun’s seed.
Looking deep into your eyes, he sees you’re serious and huffs out a laugh of joy. It's not that he didn't want to experience the ecstasy of releasing inside you - ask the stars, he did - but he also understands the importance of being responsible.
However, as you resume your rhythm, bouncing on his cock and firmly holding him down by his chest, any lingering hesitation evaporates. He becomes consumed by the overwhelming pleasure, his primal instincts driving him to chase his climax with an intensity that matches yours.
“Cum for me, Jaeyun, please,” you beg, wanting nothing more at this moment.
Coaxed by your words and the overwhelming pleasure coursing through him, Jaeyun succumbs to the irresistible urge to release deep inside you. With one final, powerful thrust, he empties himself into you, his hips stilling as he rides out the waves of his high.
"Fuck, Baby, fuck I'm cumming, don't stop."
The sounds that escape his lips are a symphony of pleasure, soft yet needy, low but whiney, a perfect embodiment of every fantasy you've ever entertained. As you massage his chest and shoulders, soothing him down from his orgasm, his features are painted with bliss and love, a smile mirroring your own as he gazes at you with adoration.
"You're amazing, truly out of this world, Y/N L/N," Jaeyun huffs out, his voice filled with reverence and admiration.
Gently moving you off him, he guides your head to the pillow before hovering over you, peppering your lips with affectionate kisses. Finally, he settles on top of you, his head resting against your chest, the steady rhythm of your heartbeat calming him instantly.
Resting his chin in the valley between your breasts, Jaeyun's touch is gentle as he reaches up, tenderly tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. There's a glimmer of something in his eyes, a silent contemplation that leaves you wondering what he's about to say next.
For a fleeting moment, you fear he might choose to end the encounter, bidding you farewell with a polite smile and a promise to call. But to your surprise, he does the opposite.
"Come with me, Y/N," he says, his voice soft yet filled with determination.
Stunned, you feel your chest tighten as you replay his words in your mind, each repetition only adding to the disbelief that swirls within you. There is no way he is asking you this when this is the first time you’ve really spoken to one another. He might as well be asking a blind date he’s just met to leave with him.
"What?" you manage to utter, blinking at him in shock.
For Jaeyun, however, there's no hesitation. In his heart, nothing has ever felt more right. He's harboured feelings for you for so long that now, with you in his arms, he's determined not to let you slip away so easily, even if that means proposing a notion that can be deemed outlandish.
"To Malta, to everywhere you want to go," he continues, his voice filled with sincerity and a touch of vulnerability. "Come with me."
You stay silent, nervously biting your lip, there isn’t much you can say, your inner battle between your head and your heart make it difficult to hear anything clearly. 
Noticing your silence, he offers you a gentle smile and grabs one of your hands, kissing your palm gently. “Y/N, you’re miserable here, I can feel it. You’ve practically said it yourself,” he argues with you even if he cannot hear your turmoil, “Think about it; you come with me, experience everything you’ve ever wanted, study Immigration Law at one of those Open Universities if you want, or do literally anything else that makes you happy.”
You shake your head. "I'm not miserable, Jaeyun."
“Then tell me you’re happy.”
Silence ensues. A profound quietness fills the space because...you can't. You can't fabricate happiness. Are you content with your life? Undoubtedly. But true happiness eludes you. Until he posed that question, until you stood eye to eye with him, you had mistaken contentment for fulfilment, believing that your family and friends held the key to your happiness, that working hard to get to the top of your law firm was all you could want. But you aren't truly happy.
“Y/N, I came here for you,” he admits, his voice just above a whisper.
“What do you mean?” you ask, confusion palpable in your manner.
“I was supposed to be leaving the UK straight to Malta. I had my bags packed and ready to go and then I got your message on Instagram. Before I could even reply, I was changing my flight to come home to see you. I just…I couldn’t let the chance of seeing you pass me by,” his voice quivers with raw emotion as he speaks, his grasp on your hand tightening,  “Do you know how many times I’ve hovered over that stupid send button, desperate to reach out but was too scared to? When you got that letter and messaged me about it, I knew this was my only shot and I couldn’t waste it.”
Jaeyun, deep down, is still the scared teenage boy who wrote you that letter. You can see him fighting himself, terrified that as he pours his heart out to you that it’ll be a disaster, but he has spent so long contemplating what life could have been had he just plucked up the courage that right now, he’s powering through his insecurities to try and reach your heart.
You sit up, intertwining his fingers in yours as a form of reassurance. “Did you come here to see if I would come with you?” you query, the tone of your voice light despite the heaviness of the subject.
"No, I came here because I wanted to see you and...to see if I could find some closure for teenage me," Jaeyun begins, his thumb tracing gentle circles on your hand. The nakedness of both of you both being and soul amplifies the vulnerability that envelops you. "But I can't bear the thought of losing you again."
"You don't really know me, Jaeyun," you counter, not with hostility but with a sense of realism. 
How could he be so sure he wants you by his side when he knows you as far as he could throw you? Sure, you have both connected in a way you didn’t know was possible in the past 7 hours, and you have in some way known one another for years, but you don’t know each other. Not enough to leave the country with him…right?
With a sigh, Jaeyun gently strokes your hair, his gaze softening with affection. "I do know you, Y/N. I see you for everything you are, I always have," he insists, his voice now infused with unwavering determination. “I don’t know if I love you the same way I did ten years ago, we’re both different people. But I want the chance to find out, I want the chance to fall in love with you as you are right now.”
You stare into his eyes, contemplating your future. You could stay here and go about your life as is, sitting in a swimming pool of ‘what could have been’, forced to see bosses who could never give you the time of day, or you could follow Jaeyun, explore the world and let your hair down, meet new people and enjoy everything that life is supposed to be. Pragmatically, you have enough savings to get you by and worst case, you work shitty jobs in beautiful cities.
There is nothing holding you back except yourself.
With a beaming smile, you nod a silent promise to him. “Can we go to Venice?”
Jaeyun's eyes widen in surprise at your request, a flicker of disbelief dancing in their depths. But as he takes in the earnestness in your gaze, the longing for adventure and new beginnings, his heart swells with a profound sense of gratitude.
"Venice, huh?" he echoes, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Let's do it.”
The words hang between you, laden with the promise of excitement and possibility. You leap forward and kiss him, pushing his back onto the mattress once again, enjoying the moment with him, knowing it’s not the end but the beginning of future you.
perm taglist: @immortalvee @snoopypupp @sunpov @heeseungspookie @strawberrysavi @monstanctiny21 @diorsyun @heexzbae @pockettwinzz @yzzyhee @baekhyunstruly @zeeloveshee @haechonly @berryblog @emi-en @no-mannerism @jaehoonii @notevenheretbh1 @iikeustar @shawnyle
2K notes · View notes
ponderingmoonlight · 8 months
Text
How JJK men act in and after a fight
Pairing: Gojo x reader, Megumi x reader, Nanami x reader
Word Count: 4,1k (a big baby)
Warnings: obviously hurt in every part but also a loooot of fluff, Megumi being as inexperienced as he is lol, Nanami's part is pure fan service, you're very welcome
Notes: I consider writing part ll of that with Choso, Geto and maybe Toji. If you're down for that, just leave me a comment or a like <3 as always thank y'all from the bottom of my heart for the love and support you give me, I truly don't deserve it <3
Part ll with Geto, Choso and Yuji can be found here
Tags: @ifuckfictionalmen @sanicsmut
Gojo Satoru
Tumblr media
“So you think I’m being ridiculous? I saw the way she looked at you and how her hand brushed against yours way too often”, you hiss, whole body trembling in pure rage.
“Oh, so every woman that touches me is apparently into me, now I get it”, he sarcastically remarks.
You bite your tongue, desperately trying to stop yourself from crying. Why is he not able to understand that you don’t feel comfortable with that situation at all? You told him over and over, especially when she completely ignored your presence on your first meeting. How does he not see all of this?
“You…You transferred money to her. A lot, actually. And all of that after she completely ignored me when you introduced me”
“Just like I do for you-“
“I’m your wife, moron!”, you scream on top of your lungs.
Satoru’s face is twisted in annoyance. He thought he’d come home to your loving arms, cuddling on the couch after a stressful day. But this? You stormed into him the second he opened the door, holding up bank statements. Over the past weeks, this happened way too often, interrupting your otherwise very peaceful marriage in a way Satoru can’t take any longer.
“So what? We’re colleagues, (y/n). You are my wife, why don’t you get that I am forced to work with other women from time to time?”, he questions.
The way he rolls his blue orbs at you sends you over the edge completely.
“So colleagues transfer money, hold deep eye contact and touch each other oh so casually when having a conversation? Don’t fuck with me, Satoru. I told you over and over that it bugs me, that I’m concerned. And you do absolutely nothing about it.”
“Maybe if you’d stop acting like a bitch!”, he cries out in frustration.
Your heart sinks immediately when is words hit you with full force. Even though your relationship with Satoru does get pretty heated from time to time, he never called you names. Never.
Not until now, when it comes to that woman.
You need to get off his sight, away from his stinging presence. Without saying another word, you storm into your shared bedroom and lock the door behind you before he’s able to follow you.
“Maybe if you’d stop acting like a bitch!”
His stinging words repeat themselves over and over in your head while you can’t hold back your tears any longer. This is so unfair. Why is he too blind to see the way she hunts after him, that she wants him to be more than a simple colleague? All you want him is to understand how uncomfortable this situation is for you, that you feel somehow betrayed.
“Open the door, (y/n)”, his clear voice is heard from behind the door.
Satoru knew he overdid it the second he saw the devastated look on your face. No matter how ridiculous this whole topic is, you don’t deserve his anger towards you. Mei isn’t more than a colleague for him though, a woman he has worked with on missions for years. She surely doesn’t like him like that, it’s simply impossible-
His phone vibrates in his pants, making him take a look at the screen.
What do you think about dinner tonight? Just the two of us.
He signs at her message, realization hitting him like a wall. Fuck, what did he do? The countless times her touch brushed over him, the messages she sent him not work related at all every night and how she always avoided the conversation when it came to you flood his mind uncontrollably. How could he make you feel this way? You told him over and over that you feel uncomfortable with this situation, asked him for compromises. And now…
Now he made you feel unwanted, delusional and dumb. You are his wife, the love of his life, the one thing that keeps him going in this world full of madness.
“Can you let me in, (y/n)? I’m sorry…”, he hushes against the closed door.
You can’t catch your breath, dry sobs hunt your body down when a new wave of sorrow washes over you. Does he even love you? All this time you thought you were the love of his life, his pride. But now…It feels like he chose that woman over you, that he cares about her opinion and feelings more than yours.
“I’m coming in”, he softly announces.
Of course, a simple closed door can’t keep him out if he doesn’t want to.
The second he lays his eyes on your crumpled on the floor figure, his heart completely breaks. Instantly, he kneels down in front of you and embraces you in his arms while your sobs make him hate himself even more.
“I’m so unbelievable sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean it like that at all. It’s just that in my world, there’s only you and no one else. I never understood how you even get the idea of me liking another woman because this scenario is ridiculous to me. I shouldn’t have lashed out on you like that. I’m so so sorry…”, he mumbles against your ear.
Despite his words still haunt your mind, you can’t help but let yourself fall at least a little into his inviting arms, tears staining his uniform.
“I will talk to her and make clear that you are the one and only for me, I promise.”
It’s impossible to stay mad at him for long. You wrap your longing arms around him, forehead pressed against his.
“So you understand my point?”, you mutter.
“I do and I’m sorry for making you feel this way. You are the only woman in my life and I love you more than anything else”, he reassures you once again.
You definitely won’t get him away this easily. After all, words mean nothing without action. But this is a step in the right direction and for now, you can definitely live with that.
“Now, please stop crying, I’ll call her right away and we’ll watch your favorite show and order some food after, what do you think?”
“Only if you pay”, you sniff.
Megumi Fushiguro
Tumblr media
“Oh, where are you going?”, you question when your boyfriend Megumi gets up from the bed so early in the morning that it’s still dark outside.
The last few weeks were like a trip to hell and back, it seems like your relationship consists of Megumi going on missions while you have to stay behind. Before this night, you haven’t seen him for one whole week and while you do understand his responsibly as a jujutsu sorcerer, you can’t help but feel hurt.
“On a mission of course”, he remarks dryly.
Your eyes begin to burn as your heart sinks. It’s like you don’t know him anymore, as if he’s only the shell of the man you used to love. Is he so sick of you that he doesn’t want to spend a single day on your side? Is all of this on purpose? You can’t hold back any longer.
“You’re always leaving me”, you blurt out.
It shouldn’t bother you. After all, you’re a jujutsu sorcerer yourself. Despite being Shoko’s trainee you should be aware of the fact that this job is a mess and means you have to dedicate your whole life to it.
But still you can’t help but fell hurt. Hurt because your boyfriend doesn’t even smile anymore when he returns, hurt because he comes and goes without saying a word, hurt because you feel like you lost him.
“What was that?”, he grumbles.
“Do you think I do this on purpose?”
“I just feel like you’re never here. And I miss you.”
“Not all of us have an easy job like you, (y/n).”
You swallow hard. Wow, that is new. And extremely painful. Even though you aren’t out there fighting, you still have a lot to do, working your ass off so everyone survives, day and night ready if something happens. This is just not fair.
“You think my job is easy? Stitch yourself up next time, then”, you hiss and cross your arms over your chest.
“Don’t come at me. You started this whole thing!”
“Yeah, I ‘started this whole thing’ because you are my boyfriend and I love you, and I…I fucking miss you! But fine, if you don’t feel the same I’ll just leave.”
It’s ridiculous and you know it, mind screaming violently, begging you to stay. But your heart can’t. This was simply too much. You can’t stay here with a boy that treats you like this.
“If you leave now-“
“Then what?”, you interrupt him immediately, cold eyes glaring at him while your hand rests on the door.
“You’ll leave? You leave every time, Megumi. See you around…Or not.”
And with that, you leave him standing in his room alone, staring at the door like an idiot. What the hell has gotten into you? Since when are you acting up like that? He doesn’t know you like that. But still, your words do make him wonder if you’re somehow right…
He shakes his head violently. No, you’re being ridiculous. Maybe you need to sleep in and you’ll figure this out as soon as he returns.
But one things for sure: Megumi definitely won’t make the first move.
And so days pass until finally weeks begin to pass without both of you saying a single word to each other. Every time you see him you feel like dying inside, heart screaming at you in agony to stop your stubbornness, to approach him and say sorry. But you can’t. You simply can’t over the fact that he let you go like that, not even looking your direction when you cross each other. It’s like he doesn’t know you anymore despite all the nights you shared with each other, despite the intimate moments you’ve had.
No, it seems like he doesn’t care at all.
“Hey (y/n)!”, Nobara greets you.
“Hey, I’m in a bit of a rush”, you explain briefly, already on your way to assist Shoko in an autopsy of a curse.
“It’s just…(y/n), are you and Megumi okay?”, Nobara mutters, her face twisted in concern like you’ve never seen before.
You stop in your tracks, a new wave of grief washing over you. No, nothing is okay, absolutely nothing to be exact. You want to scream it into her face, break down crying, let all your feelings out. But instead, you just gift her an empty smile and say:
“Sure.”
‘Sure’ as if he never raised his voice at you, ‘sure’ as if Megumi would care about you feeling lonely and missing him, ‘sure’ as if you actually meant something to him
“I mean it’s none of my business but…You guys haven’t talk for what feels like an eternity, you are no longer there and I’m just worried that he messed things up with you, y’know…Well, let me know if I can help you with something, okay?”
She gently places her hand on your shoulder while you have to force yourself to not shed a tear. Oh, if she only knew. If she only knew that the last weeks were absolute hell, that you feel like dying inside. But this is something you and Megumi have to deal with alone. Even Nobara can’t help you with that.
You say goodbye to her and walk towards the laboratory, tears still stinging threatening in your eyes. How much you long for talking to him, to tell him how much his words really hurt you. But you can’t bring yourself to make the first step. After all, you tried to talk this out multiple times only for him to not even listen. No, this time he’ll have to make the first move if he wants you back.
If…
“(y/n).”
That voice. That oh so familiar voice that makes your heart skip a beat.
“Megumi”, you breathe out, slowly turning around to face him.
There he stands, scratching his head while looking at your feet, eyes not meeting your gaze.
“How…how you’ve been?”
Even a blind man would see the blush creeping up his face…Is he embarrassed? Painfully awkward silence hangs between you two as all you can do is stare at him, your blood slowly but surely boiling up. Is he really asking you how you’ve been after not talking to you for weeks, ignoring you every time he saw you?
“You have some fucking nerves”, you spit at him, closing the gap between you two with a rushed movement.
“You’re not talking with me for weeks and now you’re asking how I’ve been? I’ve been miserable, Megumi. I felt like dying every time you ignored me!”
Fuck, don’t cry. Don’t let him see how you really feel. Your trembling hands frantically wipe away the threatening tears, eyes darted towards him.
“I just couldn’t, (y/n). It’s just…I…”, he stumbles over his very own words, fingers over and over running through his hair.
“I was able to see it until I thought about it. I’ve been a horrible boyfriend, (y/n). So horrible that I thought you’d be better off without me. But I’m simply too selfish to let you go. I’m sorry for not making time for you, I’m sorry for treating you like shit, I’m sorry for making you feel like I didn’t love you when in reality, all I was able to think about was you and how much I missed you sleeping besides me”, he suddenly blurts out, leaving you completely speechless.
This is everything. Everything you longed for, ever single word you graved so deeply. Did this thick silence really change the way he sees your relationship now? A look into his sorrow – filled eyes is enough to realize that he’s telling the truth, making your heart jump up and down.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Because I know I’m not the boy you deserve and I’d fully understand if you’re having enough of me. I just wanted to let you know that I can see it now and that I want to give you what you deserve if you let me.”
The glistening in his eyes literally begs you for a second chance while your very own heart screams at you. Of course you want him back, Megumi is everything you ever wanted. But he’ll have to show that it’s really different this time.
“Promise me something”, you announce.
He tilts his head to his side, brows furrowed in confusion.
“What?”
“Promise me you’ll stay with me today, that we’ll spend time together. No mission, no obligations.”
“I’ll stay as long as you need, as long as you want me around, (y/n). This time without you hurt like hell, I simply don’t want to let you go again”, he hushes, his tender fingertips brushing over your arms.
“That sounds good…”, you mutter, resting your head against his chest.
God, how much you missed that feeling. Even though your relationship had its ups and downs, you always admired the way Megumi was able to calm you down in an instant with a simple touch of his hand.
Maybe you will figure it out now. And maybe him not having time for you stays in the past forever.
Kento Nanami
Tumblr media
“Fuck”, you hiss through gritted teeth.
You’re on your way home after a pretty ugly mission. And even though Shoko already stitched you up, you feel like dying. Everything just hurts, it’s hard to even walk.
The thought of your husband at home makes your guts turn. Not because you don’t love him or aren’t longing to see him, but because of your recent conversation.
“It can’t go on like this, (y/n). You’re always injured and it’s starting to concern me. Maybe I have to talk t-“
“No”, you interrupted him immediately.
“Please don’t. I’ll be careful from now on. I promise.”
“Fine. But if this happens again, I’ll have a talk with the elders.”
And it happened again. All these missions one after another really took their toll on your concentration. One moment of unwariness was enough to sweep you off your feet, thigh sliced open in the nastiest way you’ve ever seen. Shoko told you it will take some time to heal entirely, but if Kento gets to see this…
“Maybe I should call Nanami to pick you up. You really can’t walk like that (y/n).”
“No, please don’t!”, you begged Shoko for dear life.
“I don’t want this to cause trouble. It’s fine, really!”
“You almost died, (y/n)”, she remembered you dryly.
“And I will definitely die if you tell him. Please Shoko.”
She signed.
“Fine. Just be careful and visit me tomorrow…”
You swallow. A fight seems inevitable if you won’t hide your wound from him.
You take a deep breath, keys trembling in your sweaty palms. Fuck, why does this have to ache so badly? Shoko gave so some pain killers, you shouldn’t feel a single thing.
No, focus. Pain is only in your head. But Kento is very real.
With one last stolen glance at your injured leg you open the door, forcing a smile on your face. Where is he? Your heart beats out of your chest, hands so sweaty that you have to wipe them on your coat.
“Kento?”, you shout into the quiet living room, closing the door behind you gently.
“There you are, sweetheart”, his voice coos out of the bedroom.
Your breath hitches, eyes wide open at the sight in front of you. There he stands, your loving husband. Dressed in nothing but his pants, bare chest immediately captivating you. Oh god, he looks so delicious that you feel like fainting, hungry eyes roaming over his tight muscles as if you haven’t seen him like that hundreds of times before.
“Where have you been? A mission like that shouldn’t take this long.”
He begins to approach you elegantly, staring at you with a small smile on his delicate lips.
“Y-yeah…Still had something to…y’know…say…to Shoko”, you stutter.
Why does he have to look so absolutely delicious? And why does your leg suddenly feel so…wet?
“Are you alright? You seem a little unfocused today. Did you get hurt?”
His eyes scan over your body without any mercy, forcing you to hide your leg behind the other.
“Don’t worry, I’m fine”, you press out.
No, you’re anything but fine. The way your other leg brushes against your injured one makes you see stars. You feel like fainting and throwing up at the same time, sweat running down your forehead uncontrollably. You need medication – now.
“I planned something very excited for us today. Something you might like”, he purrs, closing the distance between your bodies.
His hand grabs your waist passionately while your mixed emotions take your breath away. God, how much you love the way his arms wrap themselves around you, knowing exactly that this leads you directly into the bedroom.
But that means…
“Oh yeah?”, you chuckle nervously.
That means he’ll see the wound you’re so desperately trying to hide.
“Absolutely”, he breathes against your ear.
Oh god, this is so good…No, it’s not good at all. You need to get away from him, out of this misery, into t-
A toe-curling scream escapes your lips before you even realize what is happening, body stumbling backwards.
“(y/n)!”, Nanami mutters, eyes wide open.
He squeezed your leg like he always does and just the way you like it. Why on earth are you acting like that? That haunted look on your face almost makes it seem as if he hurt you.
Lost in thoughts, he looks down at his hand.
His blood-smeared hand.
It slowly dawns to him. No, it isn’t because he did something you don’t like. It’s because you’re injured again. And you decided to lie into his face about it.
“What is this?”
Your husband’s voice sounds as unpromising as you imagined it in this situation, eyes widen in horror while you’re still panting in agony.
Fuck. Your heart drops immediately by the sight of his blood smeared hand. Kento is an outstanding smart man, too clever to be considered an idiot by your actions.
“You promised me to stay safe. And that you lie to be about being injured...”
“(y/n), look at me”, he insists, grabbing your chin.
His eyes seem to stare right through your soul as he glances down at you, jaw tightened.
“I can’t believe you lied to me.”
“Only because you’d freak out”, you reply in your own defense.
“Like I should! I told you over and over to look out for yourself, to skip a few missions before you get seriously hurt. And what is that, huh?”
He points at your wounded leg, blood now soaking through the fabric of your skirt.
“You are severely injured. Just like I predicted.”
You feel like a child being scolded by her parents. Even though Kento never raises his voice at you aggressively, you can tell by the way his whole body tenses up and that glistening in his gaze that he’s absolutely furious.
“I am able to look after myself. I know what’s best for me”, you remark annoyed.
Fuck, you’re so damn tired. All you want is to bandage yourself up and go to sleep.
“Yes, I can see that.”
Something about his sarcastic tone and the way he stares down at you while shaking his head makes you snap.
“I’m a grown woman, I don’t need you to look after me like a damn child! Mind your own business, Kento!”
“You are my business. You are my wife. It’s my responsibility to take care of you!”, he barks back.
“But I don’t want you to take care of me, I want you to leave me alone!”, you spit into his face, making him drop his shoulders immediately.
God, you want to take that back straightaway, knowing damn well how your comment hurt his feelings. But at the moment, all you can think about is a warm bed and finally some rest.
You drag yourself into the bedroom and let your trembling body fall onto the mattress. This is not fair, right? After all, you aren’t a child anymore, you are able to look after yourself…right?
You close your eyes, the disappointed look on Kento’s face lingering through your mind. It wasn’t fair to snap at him, though. He is your husband, always caring about you. No, he certainly doesn’t deserve you to treat him like this.
Three soft knocks on the door.
“Can I come in?”, his damped voice questions.
“Sure”, you mumble.
You can’t even look at him when he enters the room in silence, elegant steps leading him to the bed where he sits down next to you. Suddenly, he begins to rip open a package of bandages, catching your attention.
“What are you doing?”
“I take care of you. May I?”
His gaze wanders to your skirt, eyes asking you for permission to pull it up.
“Sure…”, you mutter, a slight blush creeping up your face when his fingers brush over your panties.
“How did this happen?”, he asks softly while his skilled fingers remove the blood soaked bandage.
“I don’t know exactly. Wasn’t paying full attention and got hit by a curse.”
“I see.”
Despite all the things you said to him, despite the way you hurt him a few minutes ago, your man kneels in front of you and caresses your wound with so much affection that it doesn’t hurt at all. Your eyes wander over him, how his gaze is focused exclusively on your thigh, skilled fingers working wonders.
“I’m sorry for lashing out and not telling you”, you let out, not able to hold in your bad conscience any longer.
“I understand that I put you in an uncomfortable position when I threatened to talk to the elders about this and I’m very sorry for that. But it can’t go on like this, (y/n). This is the 5th serious injury within three weeks and I’m truly worried about you. I don’t want you to end like-“
He stops himself from finishing that sentence but oh you know exactly what he means and it shatters your heart. Without hesitation, your fingers grab his face gently, eyes locking with yours.
“I love you, Kento. And I see that you’re right. I’ll talk to the elders tomorrow myself about that”, you assure him.
A small but precious smile appears on his face, free hand caressing your cheek with so much affection that you have to hold back a tear.
“You’re my everything, sweetheart. Let’s stitch you up and go to bed.”
2K notes · View notes
Text
Play with fire- LN4 X Fem reader
Pairing: Lando x Y/n Fewtrell Warnings: None, pretty much just fluff. Notes: Quick blurb that just came to mind. As always, feedback is really appreciated and receiving requests,
"Ugh, you actually have to be here?" Max was 24 but when he talked to you it was as if you were 8 and 12 again.
"You didn't have to put your streaming shit on the tv room"
"You're not even watching the tv"
"You make me miss my siblings." Lando said as he leaned against the door with his hand full of chocolate chip cookies.
"Why did you have to move to Monaco, mate?" Max rolled his eyes and walked to his streaming set. He had moved back to the family home, claiming it was easier since he didn't have to clean, wash, or make his own meals, but you all knew it was because he didn't like to be alone, and when Lando decided to move, it took him a couple of weeks to realize the bachelor's life wasn't for him.
Max was busy getting everything ready for the stream, unaware of how Lando was making eyes with you as he walked towards his friend.
They started their stream, and you kept your attention on your phone.
"Hey, chat, you missed me?" Lando proudly smiled as tons of messages welcomed him back.
BobCat: I've missed you so much, Lan.
"Miss you too, BobCat"
BobCat: Those cookies look yummy.
"They're, want some?" a cheeky smile on his face.
BobCat: Sure, bring some 😏.
"Lando, you need to stop flirting with chat. How about we do some video reactions? Chat start sending videos so we can react to them, remember, keep it pg13!"
A couple minutes later, Lando stood up.
"Pause it"
"Where are you going?"
"I'm out of cookies." Lando said showing his empty hands innocently, and rushed to the kitchen.
When Lando came back, Max was too invested in laughing at a video where a poor puppy was rolling down some stairs, he didn't notice his friend approaching the gray sofa, his olive eyes focused on your figure warmly covered with a matching gray throw blanket.
"As promised" he lowly said as he stretched his arm to offer you cookies.
"Thanks" You took one, your hand softly brushing against his.
"Any time" he winked at you, and then walked to take his place next to your brother who started searching for another funny video to watch.
BobCat: Cookies are good.
A cheeky smile on Lando's face.
"Playing with fire, chat" Was all Lando said. Max was too used to chat making weird comments when Lando was around, so he just ignored it and clicked on a video from the list.
They continued with their stream, it had been almost two hours now.
"Lando, are you staying tonight" Your dad's voice made you all turn towards the door.
"Oh, no, I'm going home, thanks"
You felt a little pain in your chest at his answer.
You stayed for 20 more minutes and then decided it was time to go to bed.
"Keep it low, fart face" you said loud enough for it to be heard on stream, making everyone burst out laughing, including Lando.
"See you, Lan" You winked his way and walked to your room.
You were almost asleep when your window suddenly opened, a big black figure entered through it and a second later it fell on your floor.
"What the fuck?" You ran to the bedroom door when his voice stopped you.
"It's me, y/n, it's me" his voice was a low whisper but you recognized it immediately.
"Lando, what the fuck? You almost gave me a heart attack!" you rushed towards him to help him up.
"Sorry, climbing through windows, is definitely not my thing" he said rubbing his knee.
"Amongst other things"
"Hey!" The offended look on his face melted your heart.
"I'm kidding" You wrapped your arms around his waist as he wrapped his around your shoulders, placing a soft kiss on your hair.
"Ugh, I've waited all night for this." He inhaled deeply, the sweet smell of your shampoo was like a drug to him.
"I thought you were going home" you whispered against his chest.
"If I had said I was staying, I wouldn't be able to be here with you in my arms, instead I would've stayed next door... and your brother is not as soft as you, and he snores a lot."
"Lan, stop!" You slapped his chest softly "I'm already having a hard time believing you two are not secretly dating, and that you're just using me as a beard"
His breathy laugh made your head bounce over his chest.
"As much as I like your brother." he said kissing your forehead "You" then moved to kiss your temple "Are" a kiss to the corner of your eye " The" a kiss on your nose "Only" a kiss on your cheek "One" a kiss on your jaw "I" a kiss on your neck "Love" he finished his sentence against your lips, his words and his soft lips melting you in his arms.
The kiss quickly changed from soft and sweet to intense and needy.
He placed his hands strongly on your waist and you got the message, you jumped circling his waist with your legs.
Never stopping the tongue fight inside your mouths, Lando walked towards your bed, when he felt the mattress hit his knees he placed you softly over it.
You watched him get rid of his sweatshirt and his shirt as you did the same with your pajamas.
"Fucking gorgeous" his voice a bit too loud, as he admired your half-naked body.
"Shhh, they'll catch us!"
"Oh you're the one to talk, BobCat" he finished the sentence with a deep kiss.
"Please, Max it's completely oblivious, and I do like playing with fire"
"You know that we have to tell him, right?"
"Lan, my brother is the last thing I want to talk about when I'm about to have sex with my boyfriend"
"Right, my mistake" He said, climbing over your bed and settling between your legs, his favorite place in the world.
1K notes · View notes
yourdaddyfigure · 1 year
Text
Plz Read Before Interacting!
This is an (18+ only) blog. Please if you’re under the age of 18 kindly show some respect and don’t follow this blog or blogs I interact with. If you enjoy my post please follow my backup @urdaddyfigure.
First, please I can't say this enough, DO NOT address me as Daddy. EVER. May it be in comments, messages, or even ask. Yes, I am a Daddy, but I am not YOUR Daddy.
I very much love interacting with my mutuals and following. Feel free to come chat! The best way to reach me is through an ask which is open to all.🫶🏼 I am more likely to reply to asks & anons, all I ask is you be respectful and I promise to do the same. Note I’m not interested in any sexting, so if that’s your endgame here you will be sadly disappointed. I’d rather have genuine conversations and hear about your interests instead.
If I reblog something of yours you want deleted, please message me to let me know.🫶🏼
If you’re interested in joining the “Emoji Army” you’re more than welcome to do so. There’s no obligation to do so, but the Emoji Army helps me know who’s who when answering anonymous ask. Please don’t use someone else’s emoji. Emojis already taken will be listed below.
Emoji Army:
🍄|✨|🌙|🤡|🦋|🥺|🍓🍒|🙈|🐑|🌸|🎀|🌻|❄️|🐰|🔪|🌨️🐰|🥀|🧛🏻‍♀️🐾|🐶|🖤|🫧|🧸|💜|🧚🏻‍♀️|🍒|🥺👉👈|🩸|🐉|🧁|🕷️|🧋🦇|🍑|🐭|🌪️|🦈|💫|❤️‍🩹|🍭|🐝|🦊|🐅|🦄|🐇|🌹|🫀|🐣|🩶✨|👻|🪷|♡|🤍|🌼|🐥|🐺|🧚|💌|🐙|🫦|૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა|‼️|🫰🏻|🦖|🪩|💛|💐|🤙|❤️‍🔥|🍼|🐍|🐢|🍍|🌿|🍯|🎠|🥟|🪻|🪴|🦦|🧿|💦|😽|🪽|🛀|🗝️|🐯|😈|☀️|🦉🪶|🦥|🦗|⚜|🧋|🐄|❣️|💩|🐞|🪼|👑|💕|🌷|🌞|🐁|🔮|🌅|🪬|🎃|🩷🐱|:3|🐈‍⬛|🖤😘|<3|^w^|😇|🥯|💄|🩰|\lol/|🧸🍼|👣👣|👾|💓|🌦️|🫶🏻|🎶|🌺|🔐|🎼|⭐️|🕊️|🌊|😋|👸🏻|uwu|🥀🩸|🕯️|🦔|🐖|🐹|😎👍|🧶|💚🖤🐍|��️|🎧|🧌|☕️|🧩|💖|🐧|🩷🧌|🐻|🎈|👀|🌝|🐰🤍|🌔|🌟☠️💜|🍓|🦇🔪|🌌|🥸|🐌|🧇|💗|🌸🫧|🪐|🍇|🫐|🩰🧸|💋|💙|🐇🌙|👋|🪦|💎|☺️|💔|🦁|🎩|🌊🐚|🩷🧡💛|🔆|🖤🕷️|👠|🍪|👓|💸|(*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)|🦩|🍜|◡̈|🐰🩹|🌹🌸|🌬️🌃|😻|(●•×•●)|🥂|🍙|🦌|🥺💞|🧞‍♀️|🫀💊|🏹|🦢|🪘|🐇💜|🌵|🧨|🧺|💃|🤎|🍣|☘️|🧚🏾‍♀️|🐾|🧠|🍁|(:|🍫|🦭🩵|🐻‍❄️|🔪💀|🦔💛🖤|🐅🖤🖤|🧜🏽‍♀️|🐸🍄|⋉|😊🤭|☁️|🩴🩴🧌|🪸🫧|🌻✨|🐶🐱|🙄|🍯🐇|🦅|🐇👑|🪢🦄|🏠|🐠💙|😸|:D|🎸|👩‍⚕️|☀️🌑|🦋🤍|🥮|🐆|🥦|🫀❣️|🪢🧜🏻‍♀️|🫧☁️|👅💦|🌊💙|💜💚🥀|🕸️|🐜|🦙|🐰💖|🥜|❤️‍🩹🥀|♈️|🍡|🌑🖤|🐼|👹|🩵🖤|💉|🐡|(  ̄▽ ̄)|🌻🦋|🎱|♉️|🦮|💟💜💙|🧍‍♀️🐦|🍉|(⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)|♑️|🍃🍄🔥|🧡💚|🧸👑|🌙🖤|🦝|🧸✨|🗺️🍫|🦁🌟|🐾🩷|💪|🃏|♒|✨️💕🍑|🖤🦋|🦋🙈🌙|🐠|444|🫨|🍒🧨|🔥🌊|🍑🪐|🥺✨|🪈🎼|🍒🫦|⚰️|🤎🫶🏼| ☆☆☆|👰🏻‍♀️|U^x^U🤘|=^.^=|🌥️|🧝🏼‍♀️|🪞|🧛‍♀️|🍑👅|🌘💜|🥀♡|🍌📞|❤️‍🔥🗡️|🐾♠️|🖤🐼|🖤💜|🖖|🦆|🥹|🖤🐈‍⬛|🟣|♐️|🧚🏻‍♀️🌷|🖤✨|⚠️💖|😶‍🌫️👍|🥵|🥰😊|♎|🫧🩷|🎮|👷🏻‍♀️|👁|🏩|🧚🏻‍♀️✨|🫶🩷|🎀🩷|IN|🌙🌸|♡♡|🩵🩷|💜🪻|🐰🕯️❄️|🐞|🦈🩵|🩻|🍀🎶|🌲|🩵🐶💛|🎀🧸|🕳️☠️🔥|🥭|🌄|💜👾💜|😇💋|🎭|🧊|🩶🐰|🦚|n.n|🧛🏻‍♀️|🦈💦|🌙🪬|📿|👹🧍🏻‍♀️|💛🖤💛|❤️‍🔥🧸|🩷✨|🦭|🌻👑|🦈💛|🐚|💠|🦋💙|💖✨|🚬💫|🛼|🥀🎀|🧝🏾‍♀️🧜🏿‍♀️|🌻🧸|🍒🍃|🧁|🍋🐝|👽|🖤🦇🖤|🥐|🌠|🌊🐳🌊|🌻🐴👠|ʕ•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠ʔ|👁️|⚛️|>^~^<|❄️💚|🩵|🦂|🏤|m2|🐦‍⬛|🌱|🌸🥀⛓️|🌺|🐀|🩰🦭|🍃💨🐈|🦝🖤💐|✨🍃|🎰|🎀🫧| ᕱ⑅ᕱ|🧫🔬|🩷🎀✨|😾|🐹🦄|🌵💛🌵|
This blog will not tolerate any type of negative behavior. Be kind or leave. If you're going to be negative on my blog in any way, may it be comments, ask or messages you’ll be immediately blocked with no questions asked.
If I see any of my mutuals/following interact with any underage/minors in any capacity I’ll report and block you without a second thought.
If there’s no sign of your age in your bio or pinned post you’ll be immediately blocked. Same goes for blank blogs.
Please don’t get angry at me if I don’t respond to your messages immediately. We all have things to worry about outside of tumblr and sometimes mental breaks are very much needed. So I apologize and hope you understand, but will do my best to get to you as soon as I can.
Please respect yourself and my mutuals always!
Any post that contains sexual content or pics is in NO way an invitation to send pics or videos to my inbox. All original and reblogged content is assumed to be consensual activities among adults.
I am straight however, please note that I heavily support LGBT+🏳️‍🌈 and if you don’t, well, there’s the door.
1K notes · View notes
aayakashii · 1 month
Text
touch starved
small fic after I saw @berrygoodjob hc about Alan being touch starved...... couldnt stop thinking about it afterwards. This might have a part 2 if I get more ideas, but we'll see.
Gender neutral MC mostly (mention of a skirt). English isn't my 1st language so I'm sorry for any mistakes!
Also, I usually post on ao3 so this is my first time posting a fic on tumblr, if the formatting is wonky, I'm sorry!!
Tumblr media
- Captain? - I knocked gently on the hardwood door right on front of me. It looked sturdy and way too thick for a normal bedroom door, but then again, this is the room of a ghoul we're talking about.
I wiped the sweat of my palms on my skirt, afraid I'd somehow smudge Professor Dante's careful handwriting as I clenched the papers against my chest.
I hated doing this. Not necessarily presenting another batch of mission papers, no. Even if a mission puts my neck on the line, there are some ghouls I would trust in a heartbeat, like the boys from Frostheim and Jabberwock.
What I hated is being here. In this exact place.
I hated being in Vagastrom.
- Captain? Alan, are you there? - I knocked again, a bit more forcefully this time, since maybe he just didn't hear me behind the door.
The smell of musk and sweat was everywhere in this place, suffocating me, making my heart race with anxiety and fear for my safety. There were men everywhere, wherever I looked. Scary, burly, big, probably-loose-with-their-morals men who followed me with their eyes whenever I strode inside the garage.
They wouldn't come near me, though. They knew messing with me was messing with not only their captain, but the captains of other houses and Darkwick itself. Being c̶u̶r̶s̶e̶d̶ an honor student had its perks.
What I dreaded, honestly, was seeing Vagastrom's vice-captain. The cunning, untrustworthy, venomous, undeserving vice-captain, Kurosagi Leo. I shivered thinking about his lifeless eyes and smile filled with hidden intentions – he was the true reason I despised being in Vagastrom.
The door opened right before I lifted my hand to knock a third time as my anxiety peaked as I thought about Leo.
- [Y/N]? I told you to send me a message before coming to Vagastrom if you ever needed to talk... You're not supposed to walk alone around here - the Vagastrom Captain sighed - Come, you can enter.
Alan was different, though.
I followed behind him, staring at his broad back, while his right hand massaged his left shoulder. His room smelled like eucalyptus, a welcome respite, and I breathed in deeply the comforting scent while he turned around and looked at me.
Alan was nothing like Leo.
People would talk and talk about his past, about how he was a scary deliquent who might have killed someone; about how he must be terrifyingly powerful if he controlled all of those delinquents on his own for so long; about how his stigma is made for destruction and pain; but all I could see were the way his eyes were kind as he looked at me.
- Are you okay? - he said, stuffing his hands inside the pockets of his pants, shoulders stiff as ever - No one messed with you?
- No, no - I shook my head, smiling to prove I was in one piece - Everyone always leaves me alone in here, you don't need to worry. They know I work with the ghouls, so I guess that's all protection I need. The only threat here is Leo, but he only threats my mental health, to be fair. - I said, laughing.
Alan winced and looked apologetic at my comment.
- ... Sorry. I still gotta learn to control him.
I shook my head once again.
- It's not your fault, Alan. You're a great captain. - I smiled - Speaking of being a captain, Professor Dante asked me to deliver these papers to you. It's a bureaucratic mission though, no outside work. Apparently, there are some student records missing, something in regards to personal information being omitted by some students.
Alan gently grabbed the papers from my hands, surveying the information as he sat down on the couch in the middle of his room.
He sighed deeply after scanning all the papers, rubbing his temples in a manner he probably have picked up from Frostheim's vice-captain, and slumped against the back cushion.
- Um... Is everything okay, Alan? - I said, sitting beside him.
- ... Yes. Just... a bit tired. - he murmured.
I hummed in thought, surveying his face as he stared blankly at the ceiling. The dark circles under his eyes were very obvious under the fluorescent lights.
- Have you been sleeping properly? Resting? - I asked, tilting my head, trying to make eye contact with his reddened and tired eyes.
- Can't. Work had been piling up.
- You know you won't be able to work well if you're burnt out, don't you? Even ghouls need to rest, no matter how strong they are.
- ...
The extremely stoic man stayed silent, avoiding my gaze at all costs. For someone everyone called big and scary, he sure acted like a kid who had been caught with their hand inside a cookie jar at moments.
I sighed.
My hand moved on his own, before I could even register what I was doing. I felt the unexpected silk of his hair against my fingertips as I patted his head to comfort him, much like he had done to me many times previously.
Except, instead of gladly accepting it like I usually do, Alan flinched and scooted away from me and my hand, staring at me, mouth agape and eyes wide.
- I'm sorry! - I said, not sure of what I had done wrong, while shutting my eyes and putting my hands up like I was a bank robber who just had been caught by the police - I was just! I didnt... I mean... I'm sorry!
- Ghhh!
I tentatively opened my eyes, hands still up, after hearing Alan emit what could only be described as a choking sound.
The Vagastrom Captain, Alan Mido, one of the scariest men in Darkwick Academy, had one of his hands covering his face as he stared wide eyed at me. And he was beet red.
- I. Uh. I'm. Uh... - he gasped, struggling to form a coherent sentence.
My head was racing, a million miles per hour, as I saw him look away from me, trying to put distance between us on the sofa and get into terms with his own sudden embarrassment.
"Huh? Is he worried about hurting me? But… but I thought his stigma only worked on his hands? Maybe my enhancement ability makes it work wherever I touch? Is that why he's so worried? But he wasn't even moving when I patted his head, maybe he was just caught off guard by me touching... him... Oh."
Alan tried to recompose himself, still looking everywhere, but my direction. His cheeks still flushed red, while he scrunched his eyebrows in what appeared to be confusion, as if he wasn't understanding his own reaction as well.
"OH. He's... incredibly touch starved, isn't he?" The thought dropped into my mind, like a single coin dropping in a fountain. Drip. And then, it was over for me, for sure.
It made sense, despite it all. People barely approached Alan, as he was seen as a God by his house-mates and as a criminal by those outside Vagastrom. He was incredibly hard to approach, his quiet personality making it hard to talk to him and his stoicism making it hard to figure out what he could be thinking.
Yet, there he was, like an open book. His red cheeks, stuttering words and wandering eyes saying exactly what he was thinking – what he wanted.
Before I could talk again, or act on more impulses, Alan forced a few dry coughs and cleaned his throat, picking up the papers once again as he got up fast from his seat. His face gradually went back to his usual color and so did his stoic expression.
- Well, I will get to work on this as soon as I finish my job at the garage. Thanks for the delivery- he shook the papers way too eagerly - Will message you once we can start working. Please close the door once you leave.
Alan strode away fast, still avoiding any and all eye contact, and quickly left me alone in his room. I stared at the diligently closed hardwood door that seemed to create an ocean of distance between him and I, barely forming a coherent thought.
Outside, two little Like Doves peered inside the small windows near the ceiling, daring me to start creating scenarios in my head.
I shook my head trying to get rid of any speculations of my own. Creating scenarios was a job for the me before sleep. And if my phone beeping was any signal, right now I had other ghouls to assist.
115 notes · View notes
hellfireghoul · 1 year
Text
I've always hated that nickname - part 2
rookie!Leon x f!Reader
Summary: As the winter months fast approach, Y/N is still having a rough time and Leon is determined to cheer her up. The entire S.T.A.R.S team are invited to a staff Christmas party.
Warnings: Suggestive content. Reader has an asshole ex so if you're sensitive to that kind of thing, be warned. Only a small part of the fic. Alcohol mentioned, reader gets v drunk.
Word count: 5.2k
Read part 1 here.
Notes: I'm so bad at writing summaries lol but this is a straight continuation from the first part. Thank you all so much for the love on the first part! I love writing rookie Leon he's so cute. Enjoy! My requests are open.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
taglist: @thelightofmylife
message me if you want to be added to the taglist :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This Monday morning was a particularly chilly one as you hurried through the police station to reach the office, you smiled at the receptionist on your way in, clutching your hot coffee in a death grip as you made your way upstairs. It wasn’t a day you were particularly looking forward to, knowing the sheer amount of filing that would have to be done today.
Things were somewhat back to normal. With being out of the office for the past few weeks, whether it due to serious issues happening in the city or due to your time off, it was pleasant to go back to the familiar feeling of routine. The incident in the city last week, that had had you and nearly every other S.T.A.R.S agent in the office stretched to the limit, had surmounted a horrendous amount of paperwork. Paperwork however, was something that eluded you. You despised it, despite the fact it was at least 60% of your job.
But another thought struck you as you made your way up the stairs, one that you couldn’t seem to shake and it made you almost giddy. Paperwork and office time meant more time seeing Leon. Leon was always really sweet when it came to helping you filing, he always lent a hand wherever he could and it really helped you out. Feeling decidedly brighter, you hurried through the corridors of R.P.D whilst clutching your scarf a little closer to your chest, the station being converted from an old museum didn’t leave much room for heat retention.
“Morning.” You smiled as you entered the S.T.A.R.S office on the second floor, greeting every familiar face.
“You’re in a good mood this morning.” Chris commented, an eyebrow slightly raised and his tone not matching your distinctly happier one.
“Am I?” You said, brushing off his comment as you slumped your bag down on your desk and turned on your computer.
“I’d say so. Any particular reason?” Chris pressed. You shrugged nonchalantly, placing your coffee down carefully before sitting yourself in your chair. You caught Leon’s eye from across the room, his piercing blue gaze watching you, giving you a small smile and you felt yourself flush a little. You grinned at him. You weren’t entirely sure where your sudden good mood had blossomed from (or weren’t willing to admit it to yourself) but you weren’t complaining, from how shitty you’d felt over the past week or so, this was a more than welcome change.
The morning went surprisingly fast all things considering, and it wasn’t until around 1pm you even noticed you were due for a break.
“Is that the time? You wanna get some lunch?” Jill asked, locking her computer screen and pushing herself away from her desk with a short sigh.
“Yeah, sure.” You agreed as the two of you got to your feet, it wasn’t until you noticed another one of your colleagues pinning some sort of flyer to the notice board by the door when you stopped.
“What is that?” You said, eyeing the new addition to the notice board and reading carefully. “A Christmas party? Since when do we do Christmas parties?” You laughed quietly to yourself but you were overheard.
“We do now. Gotta boost morale, right?" Chris appeared from his office with a smirk, leaning closer to Jill in a way that was painfully obvious to everyone but the two of them. "So, can we expect the two of you to grace us with your presence?”
“Are we having it here?” You asked, the thought of that seemingly utterly unbearable.
“Pfft. Course not. Be breaking about a million rules if I let a bottle of booze past that door. No, the bar across the street, figured that would be the best place.” Chris informed you, and you nodded. At that moment, Leon approached the three of you.
“Hey, Leon. You’ve been quiet today.” You beamed, greeting him, and Leon’s chest once again swelled at hearing you use his name.
“Sorry, snowed under over there.” Leon smiled. You nodded for a second, before bursting out: “Oh! The Christmas party, you coming?”
“I didn’t know there was one.” Leon chuckled as you gesticulated towards the poster pinned to the board. It was like music to his ears hearing you this happy for once.
“When is it?” Leon questioned, and you hummed to yourself noticing that the flyer did not in fact have a date on it.
“Oh, this Friday. Dumb ass didn’t put the date on it.” Chris muttered, ripping the flyer from the board and scrunching it up in his fist, before retreating back to his office and sitting down, busying himself on his computer.
Leon seemed rooted to the spot, and you noticed him clutching some papers.
“Oh, did you need help with something?” You asked, softly.
“I was just gonna get this checked by the boss.” He murmured, eyeing Chris who seemed to be very invested in whatever he was aggressively typing out.
“You want me to take a look?”
“Nah, it’s good. You’re just about to go for lunch right? I’ll take it to him later.” Leon protested, but you weren’t having any of it.
“I’ll help you, it’s fine. Jill, you mind?” You asked, turning to your friend.
“No not at all! Honestly, I said I’d meet my Brad in fifteen.” Jill smiled as her hand reached for the doorknob. You feigned shock and offense, clutching your chest.
“Oh! So you were going to leave me anyway!” You gasped dramatically, causing Jill to roll her eyes before smiling and heading out the office with a quick 'Bye!'.
“Catch you later.” You called after her, and quickly set your bag down before following Leon to his desk at the end.
“You know, you really don’t have to help me. I feel bad you’re delaying your lunch.” Leon said, the tips of his ears tinged pink.
“Nonsense. I won’t hear anymore of it Rookie. What do you need help with?”
You stood leaning on his desk, hand on hip and Leon had to avert his eyes and focus hard on his blank computer screen in order to form words.
“I just needed some clarification on if I’m filing this correctly, it’s quite a bit of reading-“ Leon began, but you interrupted him by taking the file from him and hoisted yourself up on his desk, perching on the edge whilst you read. Leon couldn’t help but notice how your pencil skirt hugged your hips, and how your black tights stretched sheer around your plump thighs. His throat became dry once again.
Once you’d finished reading, you sat the papers down in front of Leon just beside you.
“That’s perfect. You’ve done a good job there Rookie.” You complimented, as you hopped back down off his desk and smoothed your skirt down.
“All good? No mistakes?”
“Nope. Absolutely perfect. Couldn’t do it better myself, and I mean it. I couldn’t do it better myself.” You uttered, and Leon chuckled whilst shaking his head.
“I doubt that.” He muttered under his breath, so quietly you didn’t hear.
“So, lunch?” You proposed, and Leon looked up at you with doting eyes.
“Err- sure. Yeah. I’m starving.” Leon hesitated before returning your smile, and throwing his coat over his uniform. You lead the way out of the office, Leon just behind and the two of you headed down the street for lunch.
This was something new, something unexplored. Just you and Leon, not in the station together. It seemed like the most mundane thing in the world as you joined him on the short walk to the cafe on the corner, but yet, your tummy filled with butterflies when your hands brushed together for a second. Or when he insisted you walk on the inside of the pavement away from the road. A warm feeling was lingering in your stomach, and as smiley as you were today, you weren’t sure you were ready to welcome that yet.
The two of you entered the cafe, the warmth engulfing you as Leon held the door open for you and allowed you in first. It was strange being in here with company for Leon, he usually only came here to grab you your favourite coffee and sandwich, opting to find an alternative for himself (that usually being leftovers from the night before pre-packed.)
Of course, he knew your order off by heart by now. This shocked you when he asked if you wanted your “usual”, to which he reeled off your exact order and then proceeded to get it for you. Mildly horrified, you thrust into your purse for some cash to cover what he’d just paid for. He refused it, which you knew he would so you slipped it into his coat pocket when he wasn’t looking. Perks of being a specialised trained agent you supposed.
The two of you wandered back to the police station, goods in hand as the cafe was always too small and too busy to sit and eat in. The office was mildly quieter when you both returned, most of your fellow colleagues out on lunch or being dispatched on duty. You decided to join Leon at his desk, pulling up a spare chair and you sat cross legged as you ate. The two of you were having a great time, conversation and laughter flows naturally between the two of you. That was until you felt your mobile phone buzz in your pocket, and you frowned as you took it out to see a message from the last person you wanted to hear from.
I’m really sorry about last week. Let me make it up to you?
You stared at the screen for a second, anger rising from your stomach before you snapped your phone shut and shoved it back in your pocket.
“Sorry, you were saying?” You muttered, returning your attention back to Leon.
“You okay?” Leon asked, placing his coffee back on the desk after taking a sip.
“Yeah, fine. You were saying?” You repeated, your lips now forming a hard line that Leon couldn’t help but notice. He desperately wanted to ask what or who it was that kept putting you in a bad mood, dare he offer to go solve the problem for you. But despite his burning curiosity, Leon kept quiet. He respected your boundaries too much to pry, and he figured if you wanted to tell him, you would. You continued your earlier conversation and nothing was brought up about who text your phone.
-
You couldn’t help the nerves fluttering in your stomach as you made your way out of your apartment towards the bar for the staff Christmas party. I mean, God you saw these people every day, why the nerves now? You checked over your appearance before going inside in the window reflection, your hair was tied back in a high ponytail and your lips painted red, you figured it was festive. You weren’t in your usual work clothes, opting for a nice pair of figure hugging jeans, heels and a lightly sequined cowl neck tank top with a jacket. It was as dressy as you got.
You opened the door into the bar, and a wall of sound hit you. Of course with it being a Friday evening, it was packed.
Eyes scanning over the sea of people, you spotted a familiar dark haired man standing at the bar with a drink already in hand.
“Chris, hey! How’re you?” You called out as you approached. You were forcing your outgoing nature to emerge and it seemed to be working, thankfully.
“Y/N, hey! First rounds on me. What you having?” Chris asked, gleefully. You returned his smile, and asked for your usual of a whiskey and coke.
“A girl after that one’s heart.” Chris uttered, although loud enough to be heard over the chatter and music. He spoke casually and jerked his head in the direction to the right of him, before taking a sip of his own drink and you frowned.
“What?” You asked, and Chris just laughed to himself, leaning forwards slightly further over the bar so that Leon came directly into your view. He was sitting at a table chatting with Jill and Sarah from the case admin team. You felt your cheeks flush violently, at that moment the bartender pushed you a whiskey and coke in a small glass. You thanked them and took the glass in your hands, suddenly wanting to down it in one drink.
“It’s very obvious.” Chris said, simply, taking another sip.
“What? What is?” You practically hissed, as you shifted your weight from one foot to the other impatiently. “What’s my drink order got to do with anything?”
Suddenly, Chris shuffled to the side and turned as Leon approached. Leon noticed you instantly, and gave you a beaming smile before catching the bartender’s attention.
“Double whiskey and coke please.” Leon requested, and suddenly it clicked. You were furious at Chris’s implications, and your fury only blazed further at the smug look on his face as Leon grabbed his drink.
“Hey, Y/N. How’s it going?” Leon greeted you, his blue eyes as bright as ever as they rested on you. It was odd to see him dressed in anything other than his RPD uniform. Tonight he was sporting a casual shirt and blue jeans, with a teal jacket over the top. He seemed confident. Probably the alcohol you thought, in retrospect.
“Hey Leon.” You smiled back but it was half-hearted as you were slightly flustered, you shot Chris a look before slipping round him to join Leon, heading back to Jill and Sarah who were sitting in the corner.
“You’re welcome for the drink, don’t have too much fun with the rookie.” Chris called after you, and you stopped quickly, retreating a few steps and you pressed your mouth to your boss’s ear to ensure no one else could hear.
“You know, I hear Jill is very single. It’s also very obvious you’re obsessed with her. Would you like me to mention it to her? She is my best friend after all, she might want to know.”
Chris froze in his seat, and you grinned as you made your way back over to Leon who looked very confused.
“What was that about?” Leon laughed, glancing back at now a very stiff looking Chris. “Never seen the boss looking that scared.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
-
The night flew by as you sat amongst your co-workers. Others turned up as the night went on, and the racket coming from your table was quite frankly obscene. Chris didn’t mention a word about you and Leon for the rest of the night, and kept nervously eyeing you and then Jill as if trying to sus out if you’d spilled his little secret yet. In terms of drinks, you couldn’t remember how much you’d drunk. Or what you’d drunk. You knew it was bad, but you were thoroughly enjoying the buzz you had. Everything was funny, and everyone was so nice. Especially Leon. Leon was nicer than he’d ever been right now. He even smelled amazing. You’d never noticed this before. Had he always smelled this good? Any excuse to touch him or be close to him in your drunken state, you were taking.
You were sandwiched between Leon and Sarah, Brad and Jill opposite. In your fits of drunken giggles, you kept resting your hand on Leon’s thigh or leaning into him and whispering stupid things in his ear. It was driving him absolutely insane, your touches sobering him and putting him in a euphoric state simultaneously. He didn’t know how you were doing it, he was just utterly enamored with you.
As the night went on, a few people began to drop off and leave. The clock had just gone 1am, but you were blissfully unaware as you attempted to down yet another whiskey and coke. Leon intervened and passed you a water instead, to which you just pouted. He didn’t give in, finishing your whiskey himself so it wasn’t within reach anymore and you succumbed to reluctantly sipping your water.
You were clutching your stomach, laughing at something Jill had said that wasn’t nearly funny enough to warrant such a dramatic reaction, until you felt that familiar buzz of your phone again in your pocket. Groaning, you contorted yourself to fish around in your pocket to retrieve your phone. You flipped it open and groaned again loudly, your face screwing up in an almost caricature like way, and you seriously debated throwing your phone across the bar. You clung to the faint rational thoughts that were still lingering in there somewhere and kept hold of the device.
The phone screen was blurry, but you could clearly see the text on the screen. It was the guy you’d been seeing for the past six months before you broke things off a few weeks ago. You'd really, really liked him. He'd turned out to be a raging asshole and cheated on you. He’d been begging for a second chance from you for the last week or so, and it was getting too much. You knew what you could be like, and you didn’t want to give in to the temptation of familiarity and lingering feelings. You truly thought you were somewhat okay after finding out you’d been cheated on, opting to throw yourself back into the dating game almost immediately as a way of just moving past it. Not a great idea. Plus the fact that most men within a five mile radius seemed to be vastly immature and unbothered didn’t help.
Things hit a breaking point for you when you took sick leave the other week, another date went bad and it was definitely the straw that broke the camel's back. You’d had enough, feeling worthless and not strong enough to block your ex. It had been a vicious cycle and you’d had enough, needing a few days to yourself to recoup and collect your head. You were doing better, avoiding dating strangers all together but you still couldn’t bring yourself to block that number.
The text read:
I always knew you were a stuck up bitch. You were a pity fuck anyway.
You scoffed at your phone screen, earning a few glances from your co-workers, but you weren’t paying attention. You flipped your phone shut and immediately retreated from the table needing fresh air. You didn’t say a word, just clambered away and to the front of the bar, desperate to be outside and away. You went around the side of the bar, in a quieter alley, and sunk to the ground taking deep breaths, the alcohol hitting you hard in the cold winter air.
You laughed humourlessly, the words on the phone screen bouncing around your head like a banner. You whipped your phone back out again in fury, quickly unlocked it and returned to the offending text message. You read it again, and started chuckling this time in disbelief. With ease, you moved the button over to “block contact” and pressed “OK”. The message and everything else disappeared from your screen and you felt a weight lift from your shoulders, and you sunk back into the wall. You sat on the ground for a while, the cold air feeling nice on your face as you let the dizzy feeling engulf you.
“Y/N? Are you alright?” A familiar voice interrupted your peace, but you weren’t complaining. It was the only voice you would be able to stomach hearing right now.
“Yeah. I’m good Leon” You murmured back.
“You say that an awful lot for a person who clearly… isn’t.. good.” He huffed the ending of his sentence as he came to join you on the pavement.
You opened your tired eyes briefly, lids still heavy as you chuckled softly and rest your head on his shoulder.
“Hi.” You said, eyes closed and smiling.
“Hi.” Leon chuckled, his chest swelling at the way you were resting against him. “So, you gonna tell me what’s going on?”
“Just.. stupid men.” You grumbled, your words almost slurred.
“Who do I need to knock out?”
“No one.” You laughed quietly.
“Seriously, Y/N, I’m worried about you. Have been worried about you. You’ve not been yourself for a while.”
You sighed, knowing he was right. A small part of your sober self has been wanting to tell him for weeks. Your drunk self definitely would.
“Leon, truthfully,” you sat up from his shoulder, your tired eyes meeting his.
“I’ve just had a shit time recently with dating. And it’s not just been bad dates it’s… well. My ex long story short, cheated on me and is now being really really shitty sending me texts, trying to “win me back". Although this last one actually was just straight up mean." You sighed, feeling relieved slightly to get this off your chest, you hadn’t told anyone about what’d been happening.
“Wait, seriously?” Leon scoffed, turning to look at you, you nodded weakly, closing your eyes slowly and returning your head back to his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Y/N. You deserve so much better than assholes like that. You deserve someone who will cherish you, take care of you and…” Leon trailed off, sober thoughts wedging a barrier between his slightly inebriated brain and his mouth.
“What? And what?” You almost whispered as you sat up from his shoulder once again, staring at the blonde man next to you, your thoughts in a jumbled mess. You couldn’t tell if you’re dizziness was due to the alcohol or from being this close to Leon. So close you could see every detail on his face. Leon opened his mouth again hesitantly, preparing to continue before someone rounded the corner.
“There you two are.” It was Jill, she was hugging herself against the biting cold as she stood staring at you both on the floor. “What are you doing down there? It’s freezing out.”
You and Leon both met Jill’s stare, she was distinctly fuzzy in your vision as you looked up at her. Your stomach flipped and you sighed, the alcohol really taking its toll now. You felt Leon’s hand move to your knee and give it a hard squeeze.
“We’re good, Jill. Thanks. I think Y/N’s ready for home.” Leon said, his hand never leaving your knee. The warmth was a pleasant contrast to the cool evening air. You nodded weakly at your friend, agreeing with Leon. Nothing sounded better than being wrapped up in the warmth right now.
“That’s all good. Want me to call you a cab?” Jill asked, her teeth jittering now.
“No, it’s fine, thanks. I’ll make sure she gets home safe, don’t worry.” Leon reassured Jill. “We’ll see you back in there to say bye to everyone.”
Seemingly satisfied you were okay, Jill nodded briefly and hurried back inside into the warmth. Leon turned back to you, you’d slumped your head back onto him in complete exhaustion.
“Come on, let’s get you home.”
Leon helped you to your feet and steadied you as your entire world spun. He lead you back into the bar and the pair of you quickly said goodbye to everyone that remained. You got a few comments about your ‘early’ (as Chris called it) departure but you laughed it off. Bed was calling. Leon’s hand slowly made it’s way to the small of your back as he lead you back outside to wait for a cab to take you home.
Leon dialled through to the local taxi rank as you stood close beside him, confirming your address. You were shivering madly, not dissimilar to how Jill had been mere moments ago. The cold was getting under your skin now, your light jacket not doing much to aid you in keeping warm.
“Will you be okay by yourself?” Leon asked quietly, after he’d put the phone down. You looked at him for a moment, the thought lingering in your mind but you were afraid to propose it. He looked distracted momentarily, his brows knitting together and he suddenly started shrugging his jacket off and draped it over your shoulders. The heat was glorious, it fitting over your shoulders just like you’d want and it smelled like him. You could’ve slept right then and there if you’d have been sitting.
“Thanks.” You mumbled, pulling the jacket round you, closer together. “And no, I - well I will be okay on my own but … I want -“ you sighed, taking a deep breath trying to collect yourself and your words as Leon’s eyes fixed on you.
“I want you to stay with me, would that be okay? I just don’t want to be alone.” You spoke very softly and quietly, almost embarrassed at your confession. Leon’s eyes immediately softened at your words, and he exhaled a short breath before saying: “Of course that’s okay.”
-
The taxi ride back to your apartment was a comfortable silence, Leon sat in the backseat with you and you almost fell asleep on him during the journey. You may have done at one point, who knows. Just being leant against him and engulfed in his scent and warmth relaxed you to a point you didn’t think was possible. Leon gave you a gentle nudge when the car pulled to a stop, waking you from your dazed state to let you know you were here. He helped you out of the car and into your apartment. You practically collapsed through the door in relief.
“Make yourself at home.” You slurred, heading straight for the couch and collapsing on it. Leon shrugged his coat off and hung it on the coat rack you had by your door, and he made his way into the open plan kitchen to search for a glass.
"Am I okay to grab water?" He asked, politely, eyeing your deflated frame on the couch.
"Whatever you need, help yourself." You mumbled. Leon nodded, and proceeded to fill a glass from the faucet and bring it to you. You smiled weakly, accepting it from him and taking a sip. Thanking him quietly, you adjusted yourself on the sofa and patted the cushion next to you, extending a silent invitation to the man standing in your living room. Leon accepted, easing himself down into the cushions.
"Why are you so nice to me Leon?" You blurted out, glass still in hand. Leon's expression faltered into one of surprise, just for a brief second, and then he smiled softly.
"I'm nice to everyone." He chuckled out, nervously. You considered this for a moment, nodding slowly. Now you thought about it, maybe he was nice to everyone. You did see him bringing coffee to Sarah the other day, maybe that was just his thing. He was the nice guy. Suddenly, an emotion overwhelmed you that you weren't expecting. It was like someone had started a fire in your belly, it was an unpleasant feeling. One your intoxicated self couldn't quite place. The possibility of Leon not being interested in you romantically, quite frankly hurt. And then it's like everything hit you all at once.
"Leon, what if I said I want you to be nice to me?" You muttered, your phrasing not quite coming across as you'd wanted. You took another sip of water in a feeble attempt to gain back some sobriety. You desperately wanted to have this conversation when you were sober but you both knew that wasn't going to happen.
Leon chuckled again at your remark, this time it was more genuine and less nervously fuelled.
"I'm always nice to you, Y/N. I think it's time we got you to bed."
"No," You grabbed Leon's arm as he began to shuffle to the edge of the couch to get up. "Leon I mean..." You trailed off, not wanting to say words you'd regret in the morning but they were coming out of your mouth before you'd even given it a second thought.
"Leon no I like you. I like you, like you."
"Oh..." Was all Leon could muster, he was stunned, his brain not quite processing your words and all he could do was let his gaze sink into yours. He was subconsciously leaning back towards you, and you grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him towards you and closing the gap. Your lips collided and you felt Leon relax immediately into the kiss, kissing you back with a level of passion and softness you don't think you'd ever experienced before. He tasted sweet and a hint of whiskey lingered on his tongue. You parted softly, catching your breath. That had done the trick in sobering you up slightly at least.
"Y/N... Listen," Leon began, and your heart immediately sank, expecting the worst to come out of his mouth. You let him continue, your throat tight. "You're drunk, you don't know what you're saying."
He began to pull away slightly. Leon had thought for a brief second that all of his dreams had come true. I mean it was you of all people. You, saying that you liked him back. You, pulling him in for a kiss. But there was no way someone as pretty and as kind as you could possibly be interested in someone like him. You were drunk, very drunk. Leon knew this, and there was no way on this Earth that you could mean what you were saying, in his eyes.
"What?" You breathed, attempting to pull him back again but he had shuffled too far out of reach and was now sitting right on the edge of the couch, his elbows resting on his knees. "Leon. I know I'm drunk out of my mind right now but, you know what they say..." You placed your water on the table beside you and shuffled forward to sit directly next to him again, "Drunk words are sober thoughts. And I mean every word of what I just said. Some things are just easier to say when you're wasted." This earned you a small smile from him, and he looked at the floor briefly before meeting your eye again, his cheeks flushing pink.
"Now stop looking at me like that and kiss me again."
Leon didn't need to be told twice, he leaned in and cupped your face with his palm as he kissed you deeply, somehow more passionately than the first time. It was euphoric. It felt as if everything was falling into place and it just felt right. You felt positively stupid for even worrying about confessing your feelings mere moments ago.
Your eyes fluttered open as you both parted again, faces still inches apart and breathing heavy.
"Can I tell you something?" Leon breathed. You nodded.
"Of course." You whispered, prompting him.
"I've been wanting to do that since the minute I laid eyes on you."
Your eyes softened and you melted into his touch, his palm still resting on your cheek as he traced your bottom lip with his thumb.
"I'm sorry I didn't realise sooner, Rookie." You grinned as you spoke in almost a whisper, giggling at the nickname in your still slightly inebriated state. You pulled him in again for another kiss, but his hand pressed on your chest softly, stopping you in your tracks. Your eyes immediately scanned his face, searching for what was wrong.
"Is this a bad time to mention, I've always hated that nickname?" Leon said in a low voice, a smile creeping on his lips, one which you matched as you shook your head and laughed softly.
Grabbing his shirt again, your lips connected perfectly with his. Your hands wandered into Leon's hair and you gave it a gentle tug, deepening the kiss and earning a low moan from him against your mouth that drove you insane. You straightened up, breaking away from his swollen lips for a second before you pushed him back onto the sofa, and swung your leg over his lap so that you were straddling him.
"Okay then, Leon." You said as you pulled your shirt over your head and threw it on the floor.
-
575 notes · View notes
kavaeroexe · 2 years
Note
if your requests are open, the flamechasers meeting a more powerful herrscher!reader? (almost as powerful as HoV)
Suree!
ruler is meant to rule.
Herrscher!reader x Elysia, Aponia, Eden, Hua
warning: typos, bad grammar  
attention! please do not try to repost my works, I only post my works on Tumblr, if anyone see someone stole my works please inform me through the comments, tag me in the works, or message me!
.
.
.
the moment you entered in, everybody could feel the pressure of a herrscher, a terrifying herrscher, and every single flamechaser could feel it.
but everybody understands that you are a trustable person since you can step your foot into the Elysian realm, so they treat you like how they treat any other visitor
so when Mei comes, they felt weird about how Mei has less pressure of a herrscher than the moment you once entering the elysian realm, are you just stronger than other herrscher?
at first, many flamechaser can’t take you well, for example, Kalpas
you could always see how Kalpas just more aggressive than how he treated everyone else
well he’s aggressive 24/7
but he reaches the point doesn’t want to talk to you in a single bit or he’ll explode
but okay, you thought
beside flamechaser are work to destroy herrscher, so you don’t mind about their attitude, they just being aware of your presence
they aware of your power, they aware of your mind, they start to prepare themself for every possibility that is.. dangering all of them, especially the young ones like Klein and Griseo
.
.
“Hii~! I’m Elysia, nice to meet you, pretty herrscher! come here, sit with me, let’s talk about something relaxing first, before going around, you must be tired of being pretty all the time hehe”
well we must say that Elysia is a friendly rabbit, I mean friendly elf
she welcomes you with a super big arm, and Elysia just being Elysia
sometimes she asked about your appearance
example, if you have wings like HoV or horns like HoT, she’ll ask is it coming from your herrscher power or if it has existed from the start
“Can I touch it? is it sensitive?”
even though you said sensitive, it will make her want to touch it even more
she’s a curious woman
plus she likes a pretty woman
and she also likes gentlemen
soo
.
.
"So.. Urm- you're the holder of the signet of discipline?" You stare at her, just- stare, with no weird intention, you could see how graceful she is, Aponia of discipline surely calms and... Pretty, how her eyes closed while she hums in replied
She didn't say a word or two, but she welcomes you.
She welcomes everyone
In a matter of seconds, she understands how dark your soul
At least by her vision- on the outside
Deep inside your soul, there's a spark of light there, staying all of this time, making her realize that you’re actually a pure soul if she could put more discipline to you...
if you oblige, of course.
if you are aware of her presence, she will let time takes its role to make slowly accept her presence
discipline begins, without you sometimes realizing
.
.
“I’m Eden, the bearer of signet gold, nice to meet you, visitor, I would love to know you better throughout your journey here, do you drink? no? alright it’s fine, but you can come to me to relax sometimes if you’re tired, we welcome you here”
she welcomes you like Aponia, it���s just she’s more friendly and more care about your feelings, condition and else when you’re in Elysian Realm
she loves to spend time sipping a small amount of wine (When you’re able to drink) but she doesn’t mind if you both just chat without drinking
she doesn’t mind that you’re a herrscher at all, she’s more interested in your personal story like your past, and fun memories, rather than focusing on you as a herrscher
sometimes she’s forgotten that you’re a herrscher 
“Herrscher? what do you mean herrscher- o my bad I forgot..”
.
.
“You are meant to hold big powers along with responsibility, keep going, don’t make any mistakes like we used to.”
that’s what she said the first time you’re receiving Vicissitude’s signet, silently cherishing it and moving forward to another floor
Hua doesn’t mind meeting any visitor, in fact, she’s more worried that she might be troubled with many visitors since she always got her latest memories will be erased every 24 hours.
Hua will keep reminding you that you’re special, that she’s willing to help you go further as best as you can, you are a gift for humanity
oh and also, she finds herself happy to see you learn something new and you never scared to practice it at once, she is also happy to see your progress and journey at the Elysian realm
she feels bad that she will never be able to remember you, no matter how many times her memory reset, she always finds that you’re fascinating, every single time.
she respect and she admires you.
570 notes · View notes
haitaniapologist · 2 years
Text
A LOVE STORY LIKE OURS.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
pairings — king! sano shinichiro x fem!reader.
genre — fluff, lightly angst.
warnings — reader is draken's older half sister, world heavily inspired by medieval europe, c*ckwarming, yn and shinichiro are from different social classes (so thoughts about that), insecurities, mentions of s*x, a hint of br*eding k*nk.
word counting — 9.5k
notes — this is both for shin's birthday, @1900-aria collab REGALITÀ & MAGIA and her birthday too !!!! if you don't want to see me being sappy for my twin, just skip the message i'll left for her at the end of the fic <3 anyways, i hope you guys will enjoy !! likes and comments are appreciated, and this isn't in the same universe of my other royal aus!!!
join the taglist !!!
Tumblr media
“i want to be to princess emma what the king is to you, sister.” 
you almost choked on the food you were eating when hearing such words leaving your baby brother's mouth. what was ken saying? it couldn't be possible, could it? 
“care to explain, kenny?” you asked, trying to remain calm under your younger brother's inquisitor gaze. if kenny knew, other people knew too — and you hoped such things wouldn't reach the ears of the counselors or even of princess emma, or else you would be losing the job you worked so hard to have. 
“i can be only thirteen, sister, but i can tell apart when a man looks at a woman he loves and at a woman he doesn't care about.” you almost giggled at his posture, arms crossed over his chest and eyebrows raised — as if he was the older sibling, trying to know who was the man who kept you awake during most nights to fight him if he ever hurt his sister. 
you hummed, mouth full of food. ken kept looking at you, waiting for you to say something, and you swallowed it quickly. “yes? and how does the king look at me?” 
“like you hung all the stars on his sky.” 
you met shinichiro sano when you both were young, the prince was fifteen and you were fourteen — life didn't treat you kind, being the daughter of a prostitute and having a younger half brother to care of, since your mother died as soon as ken was born. you were used to having people looking down upon you and your brother, sneering at you for your attempts to not follow into your mother's footsteps — even if you lived inside a brothel — and give your brother the childhood you didn't have. but everything was worth it when a lady from the brothel, one that always treated you and ken as her own children, managed to get a job in the palace and took you and him with her. 
the first you noticed when you arrived at the palace was the prince. he was there to welcome the new staff members, and even if you were holding your five-year-old brother close to your chest, he still managed to jump from your arms and run towards the prince to ask if he wanted to play. 
you were so embarrassed — ken didn't know yet, but he was the son of a prostitute, someone that wasn't even supposed to touch the crown prince. but shinichiro was kind and held him like you were doing, while you're blushing and panting, saying how sorry you were for your brother's lack of manners. but he only laughed and smiled at ken, asking his name and saying that he and his baby brother would be the bestest of friends. 
you could only stand dumbfounded, watching your brother and the prince interacting, before his attention turned to you. you felt your cheeks growing even more hot than they were already, and kenny was looking puzzled between you too — but before any of you could say anything, the head of the staff members called for you, chastising you for bothering the prince and not listening to your superiors. she took you and ken from the prince's presence, and you thought it would be the last time you would see him. 
but prince shinichiro sano was already in love with you.
two nights after your first encounter with him, the prince appeared in your room, late at night — with nothing but a few sweets and his favorite drink. you couldn't leave kenny alone, so you two ate what he brought with whispers and rushed laughs surrounding you two. you didn't understand why the prince seemed to like you that much, but after saying goodbye to him with a whisper of your name and a kiss to his cheek, you knew why you liked him that much. 
you became princess emma's babysitter two weeks after starting to work in the palace, and you knew it had the prince's fingers on it — but you had always been good with children and the youngest sano was a delight to be around, so you didn't complain. ken also became prince manjiro's companion and best friend, and you knew you could sleep peacefully, knowing that your baby brother would have a different childhood than you did. you were more than grateful to prince shinichiro because of it. 
ken and you became honorary members of the royal family, at least to the three siblings and their mother — the king, their grandfather, had always been too unapproachable for you, and you knew the siblings weren't too fond of him too. 
alongside being an honorary sano, you became one of the prince's companions when you weren't taking care of his sister. you became friends with takeomi, wakasa and benkei too, to shinichiro's delight — the three of them knew about their friend's hopeless crush for his sister's nanny, and, while they knew such a love could not have a happy end, they encourage the prince to act on his feelings. 
and he only did it at twenty, when his grandfather passed away and he was crowned king. 
you were there for him throughout the whole day — either taking care of emma or just being near him, trying to lighten his mood a little before the crown was out on top of his head. and shinichiro couldn't help and attack your lips as soon as you two were alone on a balcony on the coronation ball. you were already beautiful in the simple dresses you wore on normal days, but wearing jewels and a tailored dress was a sight that rivalled the moon and the stars. 
“be mine.” he whispered against your lips that night, eyes dripping with love and cheeks flushed, making him look even more adorable. 
“i've always been, shin.” you whispered back, but, at the deepest part of your heart, you knew that whatever you two had going on, would end soon. 
but three years later you were still meeting him every night in his study, back always pressed against a wall while his hands wandered around your body as if you were a poem he was trying to memorize. 
“he does not look at me like that, ken.” 
“of course he does, sister! when you are going to see that big bro shin loves you?”
you smiled sadly at him. when you are thirteen, everything in life seems easy — you knew that very well. “even if he does love me like you say, kenny, we can not ever be together.” it shattered your heart to say that out loud, but you should take such thoughts from ken's head. 
he, too, wasn't the match for princess emma, even though their young love made you feel like a teenager again. “he is a king and i am merely his sister's nanny. we are from different worlds, baby.” 
you didn't want your brother to go through the same heartbreak you knew soon you would go through. 
but the look in his eyes showed you that he knew that very well. you opened your arms and ken snuggled on them, and you wondered when he had grown so much. he could be heads taller than you, but he would always be a baby to you.
“it will be alright, ken. someday we will know how to deal with this pain.”
— 
it was already routine for you to knock on the king's door three times after putting his sister to sleep. if you didn't appear, you should expect a pouty and whiny shinichiro following you around in the next day, and you couldn't let that happen — he was the king now, he was supposed to do his duties instead of chasing your skirts through the castle. 
you entered the study as soon as you heard shinichiro's voice, sadness inside your chest. you wished you could protect your brother against all the bad in the world, but even if shinichiro wasn't against a possible relationship and marriage between him and emma, the council was still a hard step to overcome — wakasa, takeomi and benkei would be agreeing with the king, but the older counselors would be against it. and being the majority, they would win. 
“what is upsetting my pretty lady?” you didn't even notice that you were standing in front of shinichiro until his hand was cupping your cheek. 
you sighed. you couldn't tell him what was plaguing your mind — because he would soothe it with empty promises. “i just noticed how ken is growing up so fast.” it wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie either. 
shinichiro nodded, his free hand bringing your body close to his, making you fall on his lap so his arms could hold you close to his chest. he would do anything to see a smile on your face again, understanding where you were coming from. manjiro and emma were growing up too quick to his liking too, but such feelings were the curse of older siblings. he kissed your cheek, then your lips — a quick and sweet peck, that left you breathless nonetheless. 
it was shinichiro's gift, to make you breathless.
your hands were soon on his hair while his lips traveled to your neck, kissing and biting to make his so beloved whines to escape your lips. “s-shin, stop teasing.” 
he smiled on the flesh of your neck, hand skillfully undoing the laces of your corset. “i still have some paperwork to do, y/n/n.” you knew what he meant by that, and your pupils widened with lust. 
your hands soon reached the tent on his trousers, unbelting them and springing his cock from the confines of the fabrics. shinichiro groaned at the feeling of your hand around his length, and he didn't waste no time to lift your skirts and put your underwear aside, helping you to sink down on his cock and stay still until he told you to move. 
your arms were soon around his neck, face pressed on the sensitive skin, and shinichiro swore he could die like that — having you around his arms and his cock inside your warm walls. he still couldn't believe how lucky he was that his feelings were reciprocated. he always thought takeomi or benkei to be a better fit for you, as they weren't kings and wouldn't pressure you to be something you didn't want. shinichiro knew you would be a perfect queen, far better than all the princesses his council wanted him to marry, but he would never pressure you to be one. 
you tried to move your hips a bit, the feeling of being full was a bit overwhelming to you, taking shinichiro from his thoughts. he patted your head, a small smile gracing his lips. “you know you can not move yet, dearest. i am finishing these papers, and when i’m finished i promise to take care of your needs, alright?” 
a nod was what you could give him, and shinichiro tried to fight the urge to smile and kiss you — you were too adorable, and such cuteness had enchanted him since the first time you looked at him with big and teary eyes.
he couldn't wait until he would finally call you his for everyone to hear. 
— 
princess emma was the cutest person that ever graced the earth. 
you didn't know if it was because she grew up alongside three loud older brothers, but she was a delight to have around. always trying to make everyone feel better, or even taking care of them — and you were always there to remind herself to take care of her, too. it was a advice that you were supposed to follow too, but you were always forgetting about it. 
and the tears on her face made your heart hurt, too. she wasn't your blood sister, but you were the one who raised her — you first started to take care of the princess when she was three, almost four, and you were there for her when she hit every single milestone of a woman's life. 
but you weren't ready for her first heartbreak. because you knew you were, indirectly, the cause of it.
“he said… that w-we can n-not see e-each so m-m-much…” oh, ken. if you knew, you would never have said such things to him. you were only trying to prevent him from the same pain you were feeling, but it seemed as if you brought it earlier to him. your hands stroked the princess' blonde curls, trying to soothe her, while emma's head was resting on your lap. 
it was funny, wasn't it? how both you, shinichiro, emma and draken were bound to the same destiny. it seemed as if manjiro was the only one saved from it, and you hoped he would find happiness with someone he could be happy with. 
“did i… did i do something wrong, y/n?” the despair in her voice made you flinch, and if you could, you would feel her pain for her. you didn’t mind suffering twice, even thrice, if that meant nor ken or emma would be like that.
“of course not, emma.” your voice was gentle, as you remembered queen sakurako's to be, and you hoped you could ease her heart. “you two are young, but i know ken loves you. and, sometimes, just loving someone is not enough. you do not understand it yet, but carrying such a title like yours, it is necessary to make some sacrifices.” 
the sacrifice of one's happiness wasn't supposed to be acceptable, but if you and your brother had to watch both king and princess marry another person and be happy, so the people of the country would be happy, at least you would have each other. 
what was the happiness of just one in comparison with a whole kingdom? 
“this is why brother does not marry you?” 
your hand suddenly stopped its ministrations, and emma rose her head from your lap, a curious glint in her eyes. 
“he denied every single one proposition that reached the council, and i think it is because he wants to marry you.” she explained, and you tried to not raise false hopes inside your chest. “i want him to marry you, so you can be my sister i can marry ken.” she pouted, and you chuckled, bringing her smaller body closer to yours. 
your head rested on top of hers, mind spiralling with thoughts. as much as you wanted to believe emma's words that shinichiro was denying all proposals because of you, the most realistic thing was to believe that he just hadn't found someone worthy of being his queen. what you two had was bound to end someday, and both of you would move on from this childhood love, have families and be happy. 
you kissed her head. “what if i bring some sweets to cheer you up?” you proposed. maybe you couldn't feel her pain for her, but you could try to amenize it. 
emma nodded excitedly and you giggled at her reaction, making your way to the kitchens. 
you wish you hadn't.
— 
“did you hear that the king finally accepted a marriage proposal?” was what you heard when you first put a step inside the kitchens. “he is going to announce it in a week.”
you stopped in your tracks, heart racing. that couldn't be true. he would've told, wouldn't he? you were one of his best friends before being his lover.
“i heard it was from princess akane. she is really beautiful, is not she?” the main cooker commented, unaware of the sound of your heart shattering inside your chest. 
“and she is kind, too!” her friend added. “she will be the best queen our kingdom will have. we always knew the king was just waiting for the best bride— oh, y/n, we did not see you there, darling. what the princess want?” 
you tried to smile at them, fighting the tears. 
princess akane was everything you weren't, and even if the thought of shinichiro loving another was too much for you to bear without wanting to scream from agony, you were happy for him. you only heard good things from princess akane, and you would gladly step away so shinichiro could focus on her — you would never be a mistress, after all. 
“i was thinking about some strawberry tarts. the princess woke up a bit sad today.” 
you were late. 
shinichiro tried not to think much about it. he was aware that something transposed between emma and ken in the morning, and you were probably attending to his sister's needs or comforting your brother. he would never make you choose your family over him, but it left him worried, nonetheless — you were quite distant throughout the day, and he was afraid something worse had happened. 
he couldn't pinpoint what he was feeling, but it wasn't a good thing. he felt as if he was in the shore, watching as a big wave, with an enormous destructive power, coming, and he couldn't do anything to prevent it from destroying everything he held dear to his heart. 
his door opening put his mind at ease, but you were too quiet — not coming to sit on his lap or even hugging him from behind, peppering his face with kisses, like you always did. shinichiro raised his eyes from his paperwork, and the look you were giving him was worrisome. you were determined, but it seemed as if such determination was eating you alive. the agony on your eyes could rival atlas' one, and shinichiro wondered what you were carrying on your shoulders. “y/n, dearest, what happen—” 
“we should stop this.” 
“what?” he asked, promptly rising from his chair and walking towards you. shinichiro couldn't believe what he was hearing. yesterday you seemed fine, cumming on his cock twice and even leaving him to come inside you and fill you up — whispering how much you loved him and how good he made you feel.
“it is what you heard, your highness.” the politeness of your words was strange, like the first taste of a foreign fruit. but you would grow used to it — he wasn’t your shinichiro anymore. “i no longer love you, therefore i am ending what we have.”
“you are lying.” you never saw shinichiro looking so desperate in his life, and you bit your lower lip in order to keep the tears away. “you love me. what are you saying? what happened, y/n?” 
“i only used you, your highness.” you tried again, a lie you rehearsed so many times inside your head before meeting him. “to g-give my brother a better life. now he has o-one and i… i do not need you any more.” you cursed the wobble of your lip and the wet on your cheeks — shinichiro would know you were lying. 
and he did. 
the feeling of his hands on your face was a cruel reminder that soon they would be doing the same for another woman, that you would never be yours to hold again — princess akane was really a lucky woman, and you wished she could cherish what she was going to have. 
you shook your head, getting away from shinichiro's warm fingers. the hurt on his face was too much for you to bear, your feet wanting to take you back to your chambers as soon as you could. 
but the king stopped you, a hand holding your wrist as if you were made of glass. “why are you doing this, my love?” 
the pet name and the tenderness in his voice brought even more tears to your eyes and you closed them, failing to notice shinichiro's own tears streaming down his face. you were so close to him yet so far — he felt as if he was running eternally, yet he couldn't reach you. 
“to prevent us from more heartbreak.” you tried to keep your voice calm, but it was proving to be impossible — not with shinichiro's warmth so close to you. “i love you, shinichiro, but i will never be able to call you mine. i have come to terms with this already, but i will not keep you like an oath while i am nothing but a dirty secret to you.” 
shinichiro didn't understand what you were talking about. it didn't make sense on his head, not when he already had a ring and an almost finished speech to proclaim his undying love for you for the whole kingdom to hear in the following week. 
“this is over, your highness. please, let me go.” you tried to push your hand back towards you, but shin's hold only tightened around it. you took a deep breath — it would hurt to walk away, but it would be a pain that you would grow used to it. 
another scar to your already scarred heart.
“please, shin.” you whispered this time, silent tears wetting your cheeks even more. 
“i can not let the love of my life walk away.” he tried to reason with you, because nothing was making sense inside his head. surely something happened that made you think it was better to not act on your feelings for him anymore. “what happened, y/n?” he asked, resting his head in the crook of your neck, arms hugging you by your middle. 
a single kiss on your skin was what made you break down, and shinichiro held you while you cried. every tear and every sob that left your body was like the enemy's arrow piercing his skin, and nothing hurt more than seeing you suffer without being able to ease it.
when your sobs became just whimpers, you started to talk — but your mind was already made up. “i do not want to be an obstacle for you to love your future wife, your highness.” you smiled sadly, feeling him stiff on your neck. “i came to terms with the fact that i will see you falling in love with someone, and i am happy for you already.” you turned on his hold, holding his face and brushing your lips against his. 
a kiss that would be the last, that tasted of tears and sorrow. 
you broke the kiss, and before shinichiro could say or react, you ran from him — hushed steps and a new wave of fresh tears down your face.
the king could only watch as you fled his study, as if you were a criminal. and maybe you were.
you broke his heart like nobody did, after all. 
— 
“oh, lady y/n! there you are!” you heard the voice of one of emma's maids calling for you and you tried to clean your wet cheeks. you couldn't reach your room before you broke down, crunching down on the ground and trying to disappear. 
you nodded, getting up from your place near a window. “does the princess need me?” 
the maid nodded, and you took a deep breath, smiling. you could put your suffering aside if your princess needed you — her wellbeing had always come before yours, and you needed to learn how to live with that pain. you followed the maid, your steps not as quickly as they used to be, your body still trembling with a few sobs. the gazes of the maid made you feel even worse than you were feeling, but you thanked her when you reached the princess' room. 
emma was sitting on her bed, as if she knew what had happened. “some servants saw you, y/n.” you couldn't believe you were feeling so small under the voice of a twelve-year-old, but you felt like a child being caught by her mother. “why did you choose to suffer alone?”  why? you never tried to know why you always preferred to suffer alone. maybe it was because people always needed you to be strong so they could receive your comfort — or maybe it was because you never had someone who would be willing to comfort you.
“i do not know, emma.” you explained. “i am sorry.” 
she smiled at you, patting her lap. “you comforted me this morning, so i think it's time for me to return the favor.” 
you shouldn't have followed her orders — but emma was your princess, and it would be treason to not do what she said. besides the tears of sadness because of your situation with shinichiro, you were happy. it seemed like you raised emma well, at least. 
with your head on her lap and her hand on your hair, you cried for what you lost — a lover, a friend, a future. you always knew you and shinichiro would never be together as a couple. it wasn't possible. you were just a maid, someone that was the daughter of a prostitute. you weren't a match for the king, and you would never be. but you were stubborn and hopeful, and always dreamed of walking down the aisle with ken by your side to meet shin in front of the altar. now, however, you would see another woman doing what you've always dreamed about. 
you didn't notice when emma helped you change into sleeping gowns and lay down with you on her bed, just like she used to do when she was younger — her head safely tucked in your chest, her arms hugging you as if you were her personal pillow. 
“i don't know what is hurting you, y/n, but i know it'll pass. or i will fight it for you.” 
you tried to smile at her, because it wouldn't. it would only pass if you left the castle for good, to not see shinichiro falling in love with someone else. 
maybe that was what you were supposed to do. 
— 
everyone could notice how the king wasn’t being himself. 
the staff was buzzing with news of a marriage, but the king didn’t look as happy as a future groom should be. he didn’t smile at them anymore, always locked inside his study — only his close companions being allowed to be there with him. nobody knew what happened to make the king behave like that, but all the staff could see how the princess’ nanny wasn’t on her best days either. 
you tried only to stay with emma, always trying to convince her that you two should have lunch and dinner at the balcony, or having breakfast at the garden — you said it would be better for her to not see ken for a while, but it was because you didn’t want to see shinichiro. you knew that as soon as your eyes landed on him, you would immediately ask for his forgiveness and crawl back to his arms. but you shouldn’t and you couldn’t. everyone only talked about how excited they were with the alliance between the sano and inui dynasties, and you wouldn’t be the one who would end it. 
you hadn’t heard from shinichiro since the day you broke things off with him, but you knew how he was because of emma and, especially, draken. it seemed like your little brother was making sure that he would always mention the king when you two were talking about — how swollen his eyes seemed during breakfast, or how he hurt himself during a sparring session with wakasa, saying that he wanted you to patch him up. your heart always broke knowing how your actions were breaking him and his heart, but whenever someone said anything about princess akane and her beauty, you knew you were doing the best thing.
six days had passed, and you dreaded when the seventh would arrive — the day when shinichiro would announce his engagement with the foreign princess. 
you reached your room, hoping that ken would be already sleeping, as you always made sure to leave before he was awake and arriving when he was already sleeping to avoid talking about the king — because you knew what he did to you, he did to shinichiro too — but the laugh coming from inside it and the light coming from the crack of the door told you otherwise. 
entering it with careful steps, you prayed it wasn’t the king with him, but you doubt shinichiro would be laughing like that. 
inside the room were your brother, prince manjiro and takashi — the three musketeers, as you nicknamed them. you smiled warmly at the boys, and ken got up to hug you, kissing your cheeks and holding you against his chest. you didn’t know what could have triggered him to act like that in front of his friends, but you smiled and hugged him back, surprised at how his muscles seemed bigger than before. 
“what is this all about, kenny?” you asked after a few moments of him hugging you, and you giggled at the boy’s chuckles coming from the table you two had in the room. 
your brother didn’t answer you at first, and you looked up to see a tint of red painting his cheeks. you looked puzzled at him and he turned his head to the side, which earned more chuckles and giggles from you and his friends. “it is just… you will look beautiful as a bride.” that only made you more confused. 
“takashi said he’ll make your dress, big sis y/n.” you heard the prince saying, and you tried to give a confused look through ken’s body. 
“if she wants, that is.” takashi replied. 
“well.” you tried to get away from ken’s hold but he only tightened his grip on your waist, despite your confused whines. “i would love for takashi to make me my wedding dress, but i do not even have a groom to marry.” 
“you will have if you say yes, y/n.” 
you didn’t hear the sound of the door opening nor the heavy footsteps entering your shared room with your brother, probably muffled by the sounds of boyish laughter from his friends — but now the way ken was holding was making sense. because if he wasn’t, you were sure you would've run from the room as soon as your eyes landed on king shinichiro.
he looked like a broken man, as if when you broke up with him, you had taken away all the good things in his life with you. however, you could still see a glint of hope dancing in his onix eyes — you never saw them so lifeless before, not even when his mother died, and you couldn’t forgive yourself for being the cause of it. you didn’t know how much time you two spent just looking at each other, but you were taken away from your trance when the three boys left your room and you heard the princess’ giggles from the corridor. 
“what is this about, your highness?” he looked like a rejected puppy at the sound of his title instead of his name, but he walked towards you, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when you didn’t flinch or walked away from him. shinichiro was determined to walk out of your room with a positive answer, because he didn’t know what to do if you didn’t accept his marriage proposal — he would do anything to be yours again, even give up on his title and handover the kingdom to manjiro. 
“exactly what it looks like, my love.” he answered calmly, watching as your eyes got glossy at his proximity and the endearment name. you didn’t deserve such treatment, in your opinion, but shinichiro had always been a kind man — but you didn’t deserve to be treated with kindness. he got on one knee and your eyes widened, hands trembling in front of you when he took a beautiful ring from his shirt pocket. it was a simple gold band, but with a clear stone in the middle of it. 
was it the ring he was going to propose to princess akane? was he just rehearsing how he would propose to her? 
“i love you.” he took your right hand on his free one, bringing it to rest on his chest. you could feel how quick his heartbeat was, and knew its pace only mirrored yours. “these days without you were the worst i had in my life, and to know they only happened because i was a coward only makes me angry at myself.” you looked down at him puzzled, because it had never been his fault. he was just fulfilling his duties, and you would never make him choose between the kingdom and you. “i was supposed to do that months ago, before any weird rumors started to appear.” 
he held your hold even more tight against his chest, as if it was the only thing keeping from anchored and not letting him from breaking down. “marry me, y/n, and ease the pain in my heart.” 
your first instinct was to refuse. you just shook your head, eyes closed and tears streaming down your cheeks. “i c-can not, shinichiro… w-what about princess a-akane? the whole kingdom expects her, not m-me.” you managed to say through your tears, their flow only growing when you felt his hands tenderly holding your face. his duty was to marry a princess of noble blood and have more noble heirs that would take his place and his siblings’ place, not marry a prostitute's daughter that would taint the sano bloodline with her impure blood. 
his warm chuckle reached your ears and you slowly opened your eyes, his fingers wiping the tears that were falling through your eyelashes. “there is no princess akane, my silly girl. i’ve refused her marriage proposal last week.” he reassured you, touching his forehead to yours. “and i do not care about who the kingdom expects me to marry. i am already a good king, and having someone like you as my queen will only make me better.”
you only nodded, lips brushing his, but not fully kissing him. you knew that, if you accepted, your relationship would face a lot of hardships — the older counselors wouldn’t accept the union at first, people would look down at you, because they wanted a princess and not a nanny, and maybe they would never accept you as their queen. but would you be able to let the love of your life walk away again? 
“i will ease the pain in your chest, shin. i will marry you and be yours for the rest of my days on this earth.” 
— 
your life made a 180-degree turn. 
shinichiro announced your engagement first to close friends and family. you never saw takeomi and wakasa smiling so brightly, nor did benkei ever hug you so tightly as he did. it was good to be accepted by your lover’s circle of close friends, even though they always knew about your shared feelings — but they were nobles, and nobles with a great influence in the kingdom’s counselors, and having their support would only do good. 
emma started to cry when you showed her the ring that once belonged to her stepmother, and even mikey teared up. you hugged them as tightly as you could, and shinichiro soon joined the embrace — they had always been your family, but now it was more real. you would marry their brother, it wasn’t just a daydream that you had while combing through the princess' blonde locks. even after the hug ended, emma still stayed between your arms. you knew what that represented to her, and the first thing you would do as queen was to fight for hers and ken’s happiness. 
after them, it was now time for the young knights and companions of the prince to know about it. you and shinichiro left your brother last at his request, and you wondered what your fiance was planning. the cheerful squeals that left the boys mouths were so cute to see, and takashi was already making plans with hakkai about your dress — pah and peh were excited about the party, keisuke, haruchiyo and kazutora already thinking about the beautiful women with beautiful gowns. mana and luna, takashi’s little sisters, and yuzuha, hakkai’s older sister, were already thinking about their dresses, and you couldn't wait until you could put them under your wing. 
the last one was ken, of course. shinichiro insisted on having a private dinner with him, and you giggled seeing the flush on your little brother’s face — he knew about the whole engagement thing, and you wondered what shinichiro wanted to do. he didn’t need to try to impress your brother or anything like that, because ken already saw him as a type of hero since he was a small kid. 
dinner was pleasant, and you smiled seeing how shin chose all ken’s favorite foods and sweets as the menu. your brother seemed flattered by it, and it was good seeing a happy glint in his eyes — because when you were suffering, he was suffering too. you knew he and emma were still not talking as much as they did before, because he was trying to get rid of his feelings for the princess, but you hoped that now, he wouldn’t feel this hopeless.
shinichiro squeezed your hand under the table, and you looked at his face, puzzled, he just gave you one of his boyish grins. “so, ken.” 
“yes, your highness?” you brother replied with his mouth stuffed with chocolate pudding and you almost cringed at his lack of manners. 
but shinichiro just smiled. “you know that tomorrow i will announce my engagement to your sister.” ken nodded, a sparkle of excitement shining in his dark eyes. it made you happy, to know what being queen, your brother wouldn’t have to need to worry about anything else in his life — that was what you always wanted, to give him what you hadn’t growing up. “but i also want to announce two more things, but i need your permission to do that.” 
shin almost giggled seeing two similar pairs of eyes looking at him with the same expression. you and ken were more alike than you could ever realize. “and what are they, your highness?” 
shinichiro only brought your linked hands to rest on top of the table, and you felt your cheeks warm. you had always been affectionate with him, but not in front of others. it was something you would need to grow used to, especially after tomorrow. “i want to make you a duke.” as soon as the words left shin’s mouth you felt tears in your eyes and, before you or ken could protest, the king continued. “and make you my sister’s betrothed.” shinichiro squeezed your hand again, hearing the quiet sniffles that were leaving your mouth. “what do you say, draken?” 
you knew it was your brother's decision to make, but you were nodding as soon as he looked at you for guidance — this was more than you ever dreamed of giving him. you just wanted him to have a good and happy life, a life that he didn't need to worry about if he would have food to eat the next day, a life where he would sleep and wake up in warm blankets and a fluffy mattress. being a knight would guarantee that, but shinichiro was transforming your deepest dreams into reality. he was willing to give your brother something that would make life and his offspring's life so much better, and giving a chance of being happy with someone he loved. 
“yes, of course, your highness, i could not dream of anything better than this!” the smile on both of your faces could rival the sun, and the tears were coming down your eyes freely. oh, how you loved shinichiro — you couldn't put into words your feelings for him, and you doubt you ever could someday. “does that mean my sister will be a duchess? i do not want her to suffer with any bad repercussions about your engagement to her, your highness.”
“you are a smart boy, kenny.” shinichiro said while he wiped the tears away from your cheeks. “this will make both yours and your sister's life easier, and this is the least i can do for you both.” 
“stop this, shin, you are making me cry!” 
the room was filled with laughter, and you swore you never felt so much happiness inside your chest. ken left the room to find emma, and you found yourself trapped between the king's arms, his hands stroking your hair and his voice almost luring you to sleep. tomorrow would be the hardest day of your life, you were sure of it.
the day shinichiro announced his engagement to you was a difficult one. a happy one, but still difficult. 
as expected, no one believed that their king was going to exchange the marriage with a prestigious princess that would bring riches to the kingdom to marry the princess’ nanny. the counselors were furious with shinichiro’s choice and you could see it in their faces — but he held your hand through the whole time, and trying to make you less nervous and anxious. that seemed to work for a while, but then, you started to hear the whispers. the staff in the castle knew what your childhood had been, who your mother was and where did you come from, and they didn’t seem happy to know that someone that was born even below them was going to be their queen. 
the people took it better than you thought, especially the lowborns just like yourself. the nobles were quite skeptical about the arrangement, thinking that someday the king would grow tired of you and they could make their daughters a royal mistress, but nobody except you and shinichiro knew how deep your love for each other was. but they grew into their idea, nonetheless. in the end of the day, shinichiro was still the king and, if they wanted to fall into his good graces, they would need to accept you. 
the acceptance with the nobles came easier than with the palace’s staff, but you couldn’t do much. they would start to like you in their own terms, and you tried to shield yourself with those who had always liked you — takeomi, benkei, wakasa, princess emma and prince manjiro, your brother and the boys, mana, luna, yuzuha. they made your days better, and you couldn’t be more grateful. emma and the girls were helping you with etiquette lessons, and how you should act as a queen, takeomi taught you the basics of the kingdom, such as its economy and difficulties, while benkei and wakasa — and sometimes the prince, your brother and the boys, too — were helping you with self defense and horse-riding. 
shinichiro knew you wouldn’t need any of that to be a good queen, but it was cute to see you so invested in your new duties. 
while you were busy with your queenly duties, you were also making the preparations for the wedding. shinichiro let everything in your hands, since it would be your day — both your wedding and coronation would happen in the same afternoon, and he wanted everything to be to your liking. sometimes he would join you, giving his opinion about the decoration or the flowers. emma would always chastise him, saying how both he and draken didn’t know a thing about a woman’s mind, and that you were always more rational than them. 
you only giggled every time such a thing happened. shinichiro would playfully roll his eyes, watching with fond eyes how emma and draken would bicker as if they were already married. 
as promised, takashi was the one who made your dress. for a knight, he had such kind and talented hands, and he didn’t let anyone but himself work on it or even see your dress. you wanted to see shinichiro’s reaction seeing you for the first time in the aisle, even though you probably knew what was going to be — his boyish grin trying to hide the tears coming from his eyes. you were also excited to see ken’s reaction, since he was the one who was going to walk you down until you met your future husband.
your brother's reaction to you as a bride was everything you expected of him — him fighting back his tears while he tried to smile at you, but sobbing on your shoulders when you hugged him. takashi made sure that the dress was comfortable enough for you to be able to move freely, especially to hug others, but he still kept the fashion aspects the kingdom demanded of you. if his career as a knight wouldn't prevail, you would make him the official royal tailor. 
ken's arm intertwined with yours was what kept you away from walking away — the thousand pair of eyes on your figure when the doors of the chapel opened was too much, but you could see shinichiro waiting for you at the end of the aisle. you kept your gaze fixated on him for the most part, watching as his shoulders trembled and takeomi gave them some pats, the crown on top of his black curls shining brighter than anything. sometimes you would steal some glances at your brother, still not believing that he was now a duke, and you were going to be a queen. 
your brother offered you to the king, tears streaming down his face. you were glad you had a veil — albeit thin — covering your face, because you were sure you were a worse crying mess than your brother and your future husband. shinichiro kissed your hand, leading you to the designated place. “you look so beautiful.” he whispered in your ear while the priest said his blessings, and you giggled. you just squeezed his hand, that was still intertwined with yours, not knowing if you would be able to say anything without crying. 
the priest said his blessings over the rings you two would share as testimony of the alliance being made through your marriage, and shinichiro was finally able to get a glimpse of your face. emma took the veil out of your face with grace, and now everyone could see how bad you were crying — it was a bit embarrassing, just a few minutes from being crowned queen crying in front of such a big crowd like that, but you could only focus on shinichiro and the smile on his face. you two exchanged rings, kissing each other's hands after it, and you knew now it was time. 
your brother was the one carrying the crown and the sceptre, and in the place of the priest were now two chairs — yours and shinichiro’s thrones. he sat on his and you kneeled, doing what emma had taught you. the kingdom hasn't had a queen coronation since the day queen sakuraro married king makoto, shin’s and mikey's parents, but you weren’t even born to remember it. you knew all the eyes were on your figure, but you kept yours glued at shinichiro’s hands. 
“look at me, my love.” he whispered, hand softly caressing your chin to lift your face. you were looking at your husband now, and the thought made your heart race even more. husband and king. 
the act started, a tradition made long before you and shinichiro even thought of existing — you had the words memorialized by heart, and you said them with ease. it started with an oath, of how you were going to dedicate your life to the kingdom and its people, then a profession of your love for your new husband. it ended with shinichiro putting the crown on top of your head, and handling the sceptre. your husband helped you to get up, mana and luna ready to assist you with your dress so you could sit on your throne without any complications. with linked hands, you first looked at shinichiro, who was already looking at you, hearing the crowd cheering for their new queen — just after a wink from him that you had courage enough to look at the crowd, seeing some familiar faces, but all of them seemed eager and overjoyed with your coronation. 
“i can not believe you are my wife.” shinichiro said as soon as you two arrived in your now shared chambers. 
the feast was amazing. the food was, as always, amazing too — you almost cried seeing all the cooks addressing you as their queen, making all your favorite foods and smiling when you praised them. it was still strange to have people bowing at you when you were the one bowing at them once, or hearing how pompous their words were for you. but both you and shinichiro had fun, laughing and dancing with each other or with your friends. 
but the night was over, and now you were in your new rooms. 
it would be strange not sharing a room with your brother, and you knew you would miss his company — but ken would be just a few floors below you, until he came of age and received his own state. you knew he was excited about that, because then he would be able to marry emma and have his happily ever after. 
“wife, wife, wife.” shinichiro chanted while you tried to take the jewels and other ornaments from your body, taking care to not damage any of them, especially your crown. 
“and you are my husband.” you replied, getting up from your dressing table and walking to the bed, where your husband was laying comfortably — he had lost his coat in the feast, only wearing his white shirt and trousers. his cheeks were slightly flushed due to alcohol consumption, and his eyes were shining with the purest emotions you ever saw. “then be a good husband and help me take this dress out, will you? i am aware you can not wait to see what is beneath it.” 
ever since you were betrothed to him, you two stopped seeing each other in more intimate situations. both because you were too busy and just wanted to sleep peacefully when night arrived, but also because shinichiro didn’t want anyone to think he was marrying you just because you had sex and you were forcing him to do it. 
he was on his feet in no time, skillful hands undoing the laces on the back of your corset, doing movements that he knew like the back of his heart. you missed having shinichiro’s fingers on your back — they were always gently, ghosting your skin as if he was afraid of breaking you. 
he finished his ministrations with a kiss on the nape of your neck, hands wrapping themselves around your waist and bringing you to rest on his chest. he sighed contently on your neck and you smiled. you would never have thought you would marry him, like your teenage self always dreamed about. it was too good to be true, and you were afraid someone would try to take such happiness from you.
“i can not believe you are finally mine.” he said after a few moments of feeling your skin under his fingertips, lips pressing light kisses in the exposed skin of your neck and shoulder. 
you giggled at the feelings of his lips on your warm skin. “i have always been yours, shin. it is just official now.” you turned around on his hold, holding his head between your hands. he kissed your palm and you smiled at him.
“like i have always been yours too, y/n.” he confessed, resting his forehead against yours. you closed your eyes, lips brushing carefully against his. “can i kiss my wife?” he asked playfully and you just squished his cheeks before pressing your lips against his. 
you didn’t notice how you arrived in your bed, only focused on the feeling of shinichiro’s hands roaming your body and how good his kisses tasted now that they weren’t prohibited. your back hit the mattress, your dress already on the ground, leaving you only in your undergarments — shinichiro was, too, only with his trousers on, his shirt on the floor alongside your dress. “you are the most beautiful woman of this kingdom.” he whispered against your lips, mouth traveling south to suck on your collarbone, hands cupping your clothed breasts. “the poets will sing of your beauty for years to come, my love.” 
he always knew how to make you embarrassed and a blushing mess under him with his sweet words. 
“and the girls will dream of having a love story like ours, shin, just as the poets will write.”
— 
you would never grow tired of seeing your husband interacting with your daughter. 
you were sure sakurako was conceived on the night of marriage, if your calculations were right — she was such a blessing in both yours and shinichiro’s lives, arriving in a snowy day, with a strong cry and big black eyes and a small tuft of hair inherited from her father too. as soon as he held the baby girl in his arms, his mother’s name came from his mouth. you didn’t care, of course. you knew queen sakuharo just from a couple of years before she died, and she had always been nothing but kind to you, being one of the main reasons why you became emma’s nanny. 
naming your daughter after her was the best thing to do. 
shinichiro was the best father in the world. you knew he had experience with children due to his younger siblings, but it was different. sakurako was nothing but a daddy’s girl — a mommy’s girl too, but her bond with shinichiro was something else. she always smiled the brightest when he was around, always babbled more excitedly when she was with him than when she was with her uncles and aunt, and always wanted to be in his arms.
but she was still a mommy’s girl, after all. 
“i can not believe she did not want to be held by me.” shinichiro pouted from his place on the bed, arms dramatically over his head. 
you held sakurako closer to your chest, rocking her while you walked around your chambers. “do not be dramatic, husband. she loves you, but sometimes only mama can comfort her.” you looked down, smiling at her sleeping form. she wasn’t even one year old yet, two months away from her first birthday, but you could tell that despite having shinichiro’s looks, her personality was from you. her small hand was holding tightly the neckline of your dress, her cheeks pressed against your collarbone. 
averting your eyes to your husband, you smiled seeing him already looking at you. shinichiro never stopped looking at you as if it was the first time he saw you, always a lovestruck and boyish glint shining on his eyes even after almost two years of marriage. “you are such a good mother for her.” he whispered, getting up from the bed and  embracing you gently, to not startle the toddler between your arms. he couldn’t understand how his daughter could find comfort in the fabrics you used as clothing, but maybe it was your smell that calmed her — you always smelled like home to him, and sakurako probably inherited that from him too. 
you never thought about your motherly skills, not like your husband seemed to do. you had a previous experience with both your brother, princess emma and prince manjiro, but they weren’t infants when you started to take care of them — well, ken was, but you still had help from the ladies in the brothel until he started to walk and talk. “you think so, shin?” you bounced sakurako a bit before leaning on your husband's chest, head resting on his shoulder while his arms rested in your hips. 
he hummed. “sakurako thinks so, too. everyone does, and everyone is amazed how good you are with her.” he praised you, eyes observing his sleeping daughter. “maybe a little prince would be good now, do not you think?” you gasped softly, eyes widened at the thought — but it wasn’t an unpleasant idea. “emma and ken, and mikey are too young to have children, and i doubt my friends are going to marry soon.” he argued, kissing your cheek. “sakurako needs a company.” 
mana and luna were already her company, but you understood where your husband was coming from. “well, maybe i could drop her off to her nannies if you want to start now?” you suggested, giggling at the feeling of his lips nibbling the skin of your neck. 
“can we stay like this for a little while?” he suggested back and you nodded, closing your eyes and leaning even more on his body. shinichiro kissed your forehead, humming a lullaby you recognized as the same one you used to sing for emma — and sometimes ken — when she had a nightmare and couldn’t sleep. 
you were right. shinichiro couldn’t wait until the poets wrote about the everlasting love between the two of you.
Tumblr media
for aria — i don't have words how important you are for me, bby. you're my twin, someone that is always here to listen to me ranting about my crushes or here to listen about my heartbreaks, someone that have such a beautiful light that i know brightens all the room you're in. you deserve only the best things the world can offer, okay? happy 21st birthday, my twin!!! i can't believe we're finally the same age ehehe i love you so much, and you know this!!!
Tumblr media
taglist — @1900-aria @softbajis @tooweirdforyou @etheralyonn @lonnie19 @rayfuyu @chronic-claire-universe @aqualesha @winterv-black @nanamis-wifey-reye @sureconfused @sanzuhachoo @furiousturtlespyfire @rinsie @sanzu-s
452 notes · View notes
prythianpages · 28 days
Note
OK so.. I saw your post about taking suggestions for part two of Be Safe (which really I enjoyed BTW) and I have a few loose ideas that you are more than welcome to use - if inspiration happens to strike you from the random scenarios that have bounced around in my crazy head.
Az overhearing a couple of males talking disrespectfully about his mate, in particular her body. It really irks him and he confronts them about it, scaring the hell out of them in the process. Only for his mate to walk in at the end of the confrontation and be like "what's going on?"
I always loved thinking of a moment where Az would walk in on his mate sleeping while curled up under his cloak. Because let's be real, using his cloak as a blanket would be very cozy and soothing because I'm sure it would smell heavenly. And since their mates, his scent would probably bring her a sense of comfort. But since the bond has not snapped for her yet, he's not sure how to react, so he just let's her be - although his heart just swells at the sight.
Also the thought of Az's shadows behaving differently for his mate is just so cute. There's a few that will always trail behind her as she walks to the library, floating around her as she goes about her day. Maybe there could be a scene where someone even comments on the shadows that hang around her and she's just a bit oblivious as to what it means. Someone could comment like "I've never heard/seen of his shadows acting like that around anyone else" and she's just like "oh really?" (like girl, come on 😒)
Another little scene I imagine is waking from a nightmare and wondering (somewhat half asleep) to Az's room. He senses that she's approaching or maybe his shadows tell him of that fact, but either way she's in the hallway still hesitant to knock and he quickly opens the door, knowing something is wrong. After a bit of an angsty conversation about why she's even there in the middle of the night, she admits something like "because I feel better in your presence, safe, at peace" and at those words he's about to just fall to his knees.
IDK girl, that's all I've got right now. I hope this message isn't too overwhelming, but I got a little excited when I saw your post. Again, you don't have to use any of these ideas.. or use them all, whatever you wish! I just cannot wait to read more of your Azriel fics. Hope you're taking care of yourself in the process though 🤍
omg all of these are so good! had me squealing and kicking my feet, imagining writing them out 🥺 I was thinking about a comfort scene after a nightmare too! I wasn't sure if I wanted Az or reader to have the nightmare. If reader has the nightmare, it would follow the scenario you wrote. If Az has the nightmare it'd be of him losing you to Helion lol and his shadows would be the one to wake you and bring you to him. It's look loosely like this (so let me know which one would be preferred. To comfort or be comforted) :
“Did you have a nightmare?” “Something like that,” Azriel grumbles. “You’ve been so grumpy lately. What’s gotten into you?” “Nothing,” he replies all too quickly. “You know what would make you feel better?” “What?” “Cuddles.”
I definitely would love to incorporate these into the next part! And if by chance some of the ideas don't make it, I wouldn't mind writing drabbles/another one shot over them.
Thank you so much!!! 🥺💙
12 notes · View notes
Text
Welcome to To Daydream Believers : A Community Klaine FanWorks Blog
Hello Everyone!
Tumblr media
Welcome and Re-Welcome to To Daydream Believers!!
I know the blog has been around forever, but with the influx of new people I thought I'd refresh the blog and welcome everyone again! I've been wanting to give the blog a facelift for a while, and it seems now is as good a time as any to reintroduce and reinvigorate the blog.
What is TDBFic?
I originally started the blog as the fanfiction reblogging sideblog to my original Glee/Klaine rewatch, fun&games, and podcasting blog - @todaydreambelievers. TDB isn't being run any more, but I've always maintained that as long as there is interest - I'd keep the blog going.
The intention of the blog was to be a safe space where fans of Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson could read works (about them individually or as a couple) without fear of running into bashing of either character. It was also meant to be a community blog where anyone could choose to participate on their own terms.
Becoming a Member -
Whether you're an author who would like a place to showcase their works or just a fan who'd like to recommend their favorite fics, anyone is allowed to be a member. All you need to do is shoot me -- @spaceorphan18 -- a message, and I'll make you a member. All I ask is that you follow (my relatively few) guidelines.
Also - even if you become a member, there's no obligation to reblog content, but the option is always open!
Guidelines -
So what are the guidelines?
All fanworks must be Kurt Hummel friendly and Blaine Anderson friendly. While that doesn't mean bad things can't happen to them - it does mean that a fan of either character can read a work and not feel like their favorite character is being intentionally bashed.
Be respectful of other users.
A couple of smaller items such as - please reblog, don't post and don't spam. Some basic common curtesy things.
That's really it. I'll have some more details on a main page when I get that up. But really, it boils down to play nice.
What about tagging?
You don't have to tag - but it is encouraged so people can find your works if they click on one of our links. I'm working on cleaning up the tagging page so that the tagging system is clear and easy to use.
What about all the old stuff?
It's not going anywhere - though please bear with me as I try to clean up the main page. You should be able to find all of the old content, as I don't plan on taking anything down.
Anything new to the blog?
Why yes! I have some ideas for ways to keep the activity up on the blog...
Author Spotlights -- Every week we would highlight a author or artist - featuring their works on the blog. I'd like to do this again! I'll get more details out soon - but anyone is welcome to participate, even if they've done it already!
Prompts & Tropes -- I'm not sure how I'd like to implement these, but I thought it'd be fun if we occasionally did prompts or trope weeks to inspire you to create new things.
Events -- We haven't been event heavy, but @snarkyhag and I are already thinking of something fun to do for this summer!
Polls -- Okay, so this isn't entirely creation focused, but back in the day, TDB did polls every Tuesday. Now that tumblr has a fun, new polling system, I thought I'd bring these back - because why not?
Questions, Comments, Concerns?
I'm really open to anything you guys might have to say! Please drop a line any time you like -- I'm always happy to hear from you!
I do encourage you to come join and be a member! The more the merrier!
Tumblr media
Happy Creating!
Xoxo- Spaceorphan18 :)
120 notes · View notes
the-starryknight · 1 year
Note
Hey, I recently got back into writing drarry. I never really found a community on here (or anywhere 😅) to share that writing with, get encouragement, maybe a beta or some help with difficult scenes - anything. Do you have any advice?
I have a very stressful work schedule, so being online/replying everyday is hard for me. Maybe that is necessary to find people?
Hi my friend! Thank you for reaching out! I'd apologize for my slowness in responding, but maybe that's a perfect answer to your question. The short answer is: you're welcome here, with whatever time you have to share. We all have robost lives offline, and some spend more and less time around online than others. You're welcome here, even when you can't be online every day or be as responsive as some other folks might be.
In terms of practical advice, here are a few thoughts:
join the large 18+ Drarry discord (invite here). You can find beta readers and cheerleaders there (that's where I found my first when I didn't know anyone). I also like "sprinting" (writing in short, timed bursts, while other people write their own projects) as a way to build a little bit of community. EDIT: new link here
Post on tumblr when you can -- you could put out a call for betas here too. I'd also just suggest interacting when you can, reblogging other people, asking when ask games come up, joining in for open tag games, whenever you see them. Of course, when you're on less frequently some of these will pass you by, and that's okay -- just do them when you can and when they feel like fun.
Don't be afraid to jump into someone's messages or askbox to say hello. Mine is always open, as long as you're okay with a snail's pace of responses. I know that can be intimidating, but people around here are generally very kind and welcoming, and willing to say hello to new people.
Comment on fics and art, if/when you have the spoons. It's a great way to become more visible with active authors -- you could also ask authors or artists or reccers about their published projects to start up a conversation.
Share your writing and your interests! Whether in snippets, or in little anecdotes, or by reblogging things that feel connected to it and saying so in the tags or comments. It's much easier for other folks to engage with *you* if they have something they can ask about!
A couple other little tips I have found useful as I've grown less active in the past months: don't feel like you need to apologize for inactivity -- we all have lives, use the queue function on tumblr to space out your posts during times when you're not as active, ask folks what they're working on & they'll often turn it back to you, at times when you have more time to spare, offer help to others and they'll often offer it back... and so on!
anyway, this is long and rambly, and I'm sure my followers have other ideas to share. please feel free to hop into my DMs to say hello too! welcome back <3
87 notes · View notes
art-monsters · 3 months
Note
Hey, i really don't want to be annoying or in any way pushy, this is just my anxious self wanting to check in. But I sent an ask in a few days ago with my definition of art and compliments about the third chapter (which still stand, your writing is fantastic!!) and I was wondering if it actually went through? If it did and you just haven't gotten to it or don't want to respond please feel free to completely disregard this!! But, if it didn't come through or got lost, would you let me know because I was excited to see what you had to say about my art thoughts and I would like to send in a new ask with them if that would be okay. Thank you and I again I really hope this does not come off poorly, it is in no way my intention to imply any ulterior message or to bother you in any way with this ask. <3
don't worry!
you're not being annoying or pushy! i have received it and will respond, I have just been out of town and very busy. I have a few asks (14) waiting to be sorted and responded to. but they're not lost, i do have your answers! i do try to answer asks in the order they come in, so it may be a few more days before i get around to answering but i will eventually get to yours and everyone else's!
thank you very much for the kind words about art monsters, and you are always welcome to send in questions/concerns/comments of any nature!! you're not a bother at all <3
9 notes · View notes
storkmuffin · 4 months
Note
Saw you say recently that you felt a bit like a bull in a china shop in the bs fandom and I just wanted to reassure you that you're absolutely fine. We've seen a lot of discourse, John Silver is a hotly debated and incredibly divisive character especially through the lens of the finale, and I'm fairly sure when the finale first aired that wars broke out. (I am always grateful I wasn't around for that period.) And even your comments on how Madi's agency was handled, the racist and sexist undertones of the end, are brought up by loving fans. We have a dead dove channel in our discord server exactly for those types of discussions.
This is very much a fandom that went "oh this show is complex, huh" and then proceeded to put on their literary analysis glasses and hold a Thomas Hamilton-style salon over any and all aspects of it. (...Once we get over our emotional breakdowns of course.) Anyway, I'm glad you're bringing some of these topics back through your live watch thoughts. Your afterthoughts are even more fascinating - at least to me, once you were completely done I thought "oh, that's it then" and mourned a little for how your love for the show seemed to be killed. But now I'm seeing further afterthoughts and really, I should've known there would be more thoughts, bc this show refuses to let go of a person once it's solidly dug in its claws.
Anyway. What was my point? Oh yeah. Thank you for sharing all your thoughts, emotions and reactions. The positive, negative, critical, all of it. Fandoms can always use a critical eye, and I feel like this fandom in particular has plenty of people (not necessarily all, but definitely a lot) who are welcoming of it! It's good for the fandom ecosystem
Oh what a really kind message!! Thank you for putting things in context - that the discourse has been here since from six years ago (when the last episode must've aired).
I still love the show, loved the show even when I was like I am DONE IT"S OVER I refuse to watch the last twennny minnitts nooooo (have still refused). It's because Flint is freshly dead. Flint died on Lunar New Year 2024 and I can't have his killers (John Silver and Jack Rackham, in different ways) talk in my face right now. Maybe when I'm done grieving I can put my big girl panties back on (uhh in this metaphor I am weeping with my bare ass out I guess) and watch the rest of it.
I saw the various gifsets of Thomas and James embracing and art based on that moment throughout my liveblog, and what I had thought was that it was James' hallucination as he lay dying or something, where he imagines the afterlife as a place where you try to fruitlessly farm your legacy in a place nothing will grow, but at least Thomas will be there. He wouldn't think Miranda wants to see him in the afterlife because he caused her death directly, but Thomas was killed by his father and so he wouldn't necessarily be angry with Flint.
But then to have SILVER narrate it the way he does using phrases like he unmade Flint and he returned him to his original state and so on was an exceptionally cruel blow.
I really dislike having feelings, so it takes me a really long time to actually have them, and work through them. And Black Sails is, in a very rare way for television that I've experienced, a work of art, so I expect to be resonating about it for a really long time.
7 notes · View notes
vividvivvy · 5 months
Text
Welcome!!
Tumblr media
You can call me Viv!!
This blog is at minimum 16 and up, if you're under 16 please go away 👐
Requests are open! (here for rules)
fandoms I have posted for as of right now: jjk, Haikyuu, mha, Haikyu!!
Rules on my blog: not much just don't be rude or leave rude comments, if you don't like the content then just leave, it's not that hard I promise. Once again 16 and up only :)
I currently only write nsfw for f!reader it isn't anything personal it's just what I'm comfortable writing. I will write for m!reader if requested if it's not nsfw
Feel absolutely free to send me asks or message me any time you want, I'm always excited to hear your opinions, thoughts and random ideas!!
Masterlist
Fics in progress: none rn
Fic plans: Lucifer x Angel!reader
If you have any questions don't be scared to ask away! 🫶
8 notes · View notes
helping-online · 2 months
Text
Introduction:
Mention of triggering topics such as Su!c1de.
Hello everybody, welcome to the introductory post of helping-online.
Recently I have had three online friends attempt (one succeeding) at taking their lives.
The first one I had known the longest, I was 30 minutes too late to stop her, but she only attempted and is alright.
The second one happened without warning, I had known her for the least amount of time. She was given the account by the person above and attempted (succeeded) 3 - 5 days after the incident.
The third one I was there for. I saw her post 5 minutes after she put it out, and tried my best to help her. I had details. Her country, she was struggling with mental help, she was in her house in the closet and had a gun. I don't know if she's okay.
This blog was made for people who have friends online and in real life to try and help others and spot signs of struggling mental health. After the events above I knew I couldn't follow, and I had to make a change. That's why I made this blog. To help you, or others around you who may be struggling.
If you are struggling with su!cidal thoughts:
. Know you are NEVER alone, there is always somebody on your team. This blog is a safe space to comment your problems.
. Tell somebody. A problem shared is a problem halved. Parents, friends, family, people online. All here to help.
. Think about who you might effect, and how they might react. What does this do for them?
. If you ever have any triggering thoughts or emotions call your local suicide hotline. Here are the numbers for a few countries below:
Sourced from this link, there are way more: https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/
America/U.S.A:
Emergency: 911
Hotline: 988
Australia:
Emergency: 000
Hotline: 131114
Brazil:
Emergency: 188
Canada:
Emergency: 911
Hotline: 1 (833) 456 4566
China:
Emergency: 110
Hotline: 800-810-1117
France:
Emergency: 112
Hotline: 0145394000
If you are trying to help somebody (online) and it is an emergency (they are threatening to do it) try these steps as soon as possible:
. Treat every warning sign as a possibility.
. Message them tell them that there's another option, that you're here for them to talk, that they need to talk to a hotline.
. Ask them their situatuion (where are you, what weapon, what time, what's your full name etc.)
. If you're in their country try and make a call to the hotline, or the emergency call. This lowers their chance of succeeding the attempt.
. Try to calm them down, "put this --- down" or "Can you stay on the phone and talk to me about ---"
. If they don't answer over text, call them until they pick up. This was something I didn't do and this could have really helped my third friend because I was there for her.
Sometimes being there isn't enough, but whatever happens is never your fault.
REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT THEIR HEALTHCARE HOTLINE, NOR ARE YOU TRAINED TO DO THIS SO WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS ENOUGH. Never feel guilty about these things. (and neither am I, I'm just trying to help people in need)
If you are worried that a friend might be trying, but have no proof look out for signs, and ask a support network for help.
Getting over the death of somebody close to you is hard, especially if you don't know if they're okay. Please know that you aren't alone. Please know that you don't have to do this.
Helpful links:
https://www.lifeline.org.au/media/3fzlcsza/web-revd_june-2022_ll-2pp-toolkit_help-someone-at-risk-of-suicide.pdf
A reblog, comment, like, or any kind of attention on this blog would be greatly appreciated as it can spread the word and maybe even help individuals struggling.
3 notes · View notes