#as ever wild to be thinking about writing constantly when you wouldn't know it from my patchy publishing schedule

[anderstrevelyan]

Who knew lowering my word count goal to 200 would bring my daily writing habit back??

(It seems to be the perfect, non-intimidating amount for me. It feels like nothing! Like fun, even. Just one little section. Flexing the tiniest creative muscle.)

(And some days the words will flow and I'll want to keep going!) (And if not? Hey, I now have 1,500 new words of draft to work with after a week, instead of hitting less than that while aiming for more and feeling bad about it.)

[medusaesque]

Kim Kitsuragi and the pale-

Kim has a unique relationship to the pale, I tried dissecting it and making sense of it. Reposting with more thoughts after some good conversations with @binomech.

Warning- it's insanely long.

1. After life, death

One of the first thing you can learn about Kim is that he would hurl himself in death's way to save you. From the very first moment, Kim is related to sacrifice and death, it follows him wherever he goes-

The slaughterhouse.

He lost his parents at two years old. He worked a year in Processing (here's good post about that by @renmorris and @spilledkaleidoscope). He lost his partner, Eyes. People have taken a bullet that was meant for his more than once. His survivor's guilt is insane. He's killed six people. He's afraid of killing recklessly, and has a deeply unhealthy relationship with his gun (made another embarrassingly long post about that).

Kim also hears pale 'ghosts' on the police radio all the time, talks about it like it's normal, and says he doesn't believe in ghosts.

If harry is with Noid during the Moralist dream quest (more on it later), Harry can even wonder if Kim himself is a ghost, prompting this beautiful exchange-

And he's not entirely wrong. When Harry gets shot, after Kim fulfills Espirit's promise and stands in death's way for him, you can ask as you fall into darkness what will happen to you-

It's the living who are ghosts. You can leave them behind and rest. Go into the wild pale yonder, along with everyone else Kim has ever cared about. Or at least you can try to.

When death is at the door, you have two options-

2. After death, life again

Kim might associate himself with death, but Harry associates him with life again and again- Death is darkness, Kim has a light bulb halo. Death is a sunset, Kim is a sunrise. Death is where you are when the game start, it's ready to take you, and then- a clarion call, the sound of a motor carriage, a detective arriving on the scene, and you open your eyes.

Of course Kim is no actual saint, no guardian angel, but it's really telling that even in harry's deification the symbols of Kim's holiness are worldly, almost mundane, the matters of every day life- a celling's fan lightbulb, the engine of a car..

Or the way @binomech said it when discussing Kim's portrait: this is the only thing keeping you from the full brunt of the world in your mind #but truly you are already in the world #and he is just a man #and that's just a car and that's just a ceiling fan

The game is very clear about Harry being a ceaseless agent of the world, but he's not the only one. Harry stands at death's door twice, and Kim is his way back to the world both times.

3. After the world, the pale

So what is Kim's relationship with the pale?

As casual as he might try to appear, Kim is clearly uncomfortable with the pale, afraid of it even. When Harry brings up the pale, he intervenes, genuinely worried for the fragile stability of his mind, trying to protect him-

It's no more terrifying than water or death or that we're stuck behind our eyes for all eternity?? Sounds pretty terrifying Kim...

I think the key is in the moralist vision quest, When Harry attempts to reach the Committee of Responsibility, and he hears the pale crosstalk coming through the radio, when suddenly-

"Pale is a shroud of memories and it doesn't really distinguish to whom those memories belong to. You could hear anything." You could hear anything, but you hear Kim. Soona even says that the odds of us hearing him, out of all the voices in the pale, are astronomically low.

We know the past has not been harmless to Kim, we know it's full of ghosts and cold winters, but that's not the thing that's eating at him-

Kim is afraid of forgetting. He's constantly writing, he thinks through his notebook, always recording, so he wouldn't lose anything. That's why the pale is so terrifying to him.

4. After the pale. the world again

The world is what it is. God is in his heaven. Everything is normal on Earth.

That leads me to the expeditions through the pale-

Volta do Mar is a skill unique to Kim, according to the stats of this pilot jackets, and it's a Physique skill.

It's driving me crazy to think how Kim wanted to be revolutionary pilot as a kid, and is walking around dressed like a pilot as an adult, to give himself the ability to navigate the pale. To return from the sea-

DISTANT ENEMY OF HIMSELF?? kim....

Seeing how Volta do Mar is strengthened by his jackets, and the items' descriptions point out that most of the people who used to wear this jacket are long gone (alongside what they represented) and considering that the only real advance in pale transit is the speed with which an aerostatic craft can pierce it, is seems fitting that returning from the 'sea' requires the kind of armor that ghosts wear- the ghost of who you wanted to be but never could, of a home that was never yours. Glory to them.

@binomech said it best in this conversation we had about Kim's skills: "your traitorous race. your traitorous job. your traitorous parents. your traitorous senses. distant enemy of yourself: seolite, communist, cripple, faggot. and you wear it as armor"

Kim is equipped for Volta do Mar, he armors himself for it every day, for the thing that makes it possible to return sane, and discover a new world-

This is one of the most touching Kim moments in the game to me- putting his hand in the rain, looking up to the sky, mouth open, welcoming the spring rain, even knowing it'll bring death and destruction with it. He is devoted to this world and the role he has to play in it, or at least the role he thinks he has to play-

But we know Kim has a bigger role to play, he's trying to do his part right there, getting Harry to stay-

His connection to Harry can keep him on this world once again- keeping the two of them together. Their real work is down here, him and Harry are Revachol's only hope. If they stick together they might be able to keep her on this earth.

UNITY AMONG THE RANKS IS PARAMOUNT.

I NEED YOU. YOU CAN KEEP ME ON THIS EARTH. BE VIGILANT.

I LOVE YOU.

[obsidianbaby]

STURNIOLO TRIPLETS AT HOGWARTS HEADCANONS

a/n - this is all my opinion!! I would love to hear what y'all think about this if you fuck with harry potter

this is an au where the plot of voldemort does not exist btw**

____________________________________________

NICK

probably balled his eyes out when the Hogwarts acceptance letter came (even though it was expected) mary lou definitely hung it up on the wall

definitely got into slytherin (he's so cunt and ambitions)

would be great friends with pansy, they would spend time people watching and making hilarious commentary

would think draco is the most insufferable loser to ever exist and would constantly laugh at him when he's being whiney and dramatic over something stupid

probably the photographer for the school

also at every hufflepuff and gryffindor quidditch game cheering for his brothers even if they're facing his own house

probably has his own side business making herbal salves, etc.

would fucking love astronomy and herbology

would threaten to cast a spell on Chris all the time that would silence him (wouldn't be surprising if he actually did)

constantly taking pictures of his friends and his brothers and making cute little photo albums to commemorate his experiences

definitely attaching cute lil trinkets and pins to his robes and his bags

CHRIS

got into gryffindor (no one's surprised)

expressed how proud he is of his brothers for the house they got into (even though he's really sad they aren't all going to room together)

sneaks out of his dorms occasionally to take turns sleeping in his brothers' dorms

100% on the quidditch team as a chaser

definitely hangouts with fred and george causing mayhem

has the girls at hogwarts wrapped around his fucking fingers but actively avoids any type of romantic situation

probably be a part of the dueling club

would love going to hogsmeade for shopping and for the pubs

would absolutely hex himself by accident, multiple times in fact

absolutely getting caught on many occasions sneaking into the kitchens for sweet treats

probably has a butterbeer addiction

would use any excuse he can to not wear his robes (they're too thick and heavy)

asks the most wild outlandish questions in class leaving the profs too stunned to speak

MATT

obviously in hufflepuff even though he was sure he'd get into gryffindor with chris

also on his house's quidditch team but as the keeper (we already know he has goalie skills)

when he isn't with his brothers or in class he spends his time reading with hermione at the library or with luna and neville at the lake journaling

if there was a hogwarts student paper he would definitely be in charge of the anonymous advice section

would spend his weekends trapping himself in his dorms until someone literally drags him away from his bed

would adore mythical creatures classes

his pet of choice is most definitely a cat

probably going to hagrids daily to help him with his animals and listen to his stories

closest to luna and neville because he will be content just sitting there listening to them ramble on about creatures and magical plants

best flyer (neck and neck with harry)

goes on late night broom rides with harry

you can probably find him at the top of the astronomy tower or at the edge of the black lake in the middle of the night just enjoying some peace and quiet

would get extremely homesick while at hogwarts and he counts down to post days so he can receive letters from his friends and family back home (even though he rarely writes them back)

__________________________________________

tell me some of your headcanons for the triplets at hogwarts!!

[tragantia]

I've been thinking about the 2nd part to my 'Severen during your period' headcanons, aaand the gremlin man himself has taken possession of my mind and won't leave me alone until I write this. Will I succeed at purging Severen from my system? I don't think so.

Also, I know people normally post warnings and stuff, but Severen is his own warning imo.

Severen Van Sickle – NSFW headcanons

As a bi woman, I have the authoritas to say: yes, he��s a bi king. Big bi energy. Doesn´t actually care about what's what, if he likes it, he's gonna get it. Does it have a penis? Great. A vagina? Cute. Both? Fangggtastic. Count him in, darlin'.

That being said, he loves tits. Could spend hours biting, licking, sucking. Play with his too, he likes it and can cum just from that if you're good.

In the same line as Lestat during TVL, I do think in the past he would have found men to be more appealing than women, simply because he would have had more of a common ground with them, and would have found them more interesting. He would still have had sex with women and gone to brothels regularly. But a real emotional and sexual connection? It would have taken a really unusual lady to achieve that.

Which brings me to... Being from the Wild West, he most likely lost his virginity in a brothel, or at least with a prostitute. Unless you count those times when he was still on his early teens and he and another guy would play with each other, almost innocently, trying to see what's what and how it feels, but knowing very well they can't get caught.

He's got a nice dick, not massive but long and thick. Definitely knows how to use it. Has nice big balls too, loves it if you play with them, he himself will caress them if you're giving him head.

He's hairy, it's sexy, and he knows it. Doesn't wash himself much, he likes his natural smell, and likes to smell himself on his partners as a way of showing ownership. He prefers his partners soft and freshly shaved – may even shave you himself and then eat you out.

He knows what he's doing. He's a pro. Even before being turned, he was nothing but an hedonist, and pretty much lived to do risky shit, drink, gamble and fuck. He's easy to sleep with, but difficult to keep. He can fuck you so hard and good that you'll cry, both from pain and pleasure.

He has no shame. I can think of very few things he wouldn't do when it comes to sex, and even then he may try them once to see what it's like. Also he has like, 1000 kinks. I think if he likes you, everything has the potential of becoming a kink. Pretty feet? He's suddenly into feet.

Also really into dirty talking: if he's so crude on a regular basis, you can imagine the kind of filth that comes out of his mouth in the bedroom. Also LOUD.

BLOOD KINK. I don't think I need to explain. He loves to bite his partners, but this leads to them turning... so he is sure to kill all of them afterwards. The other ones have susprised him in more than one occasion naked and completely covered in blood after his last date got out of hand – again.

If he's turned you, this escalates to a whole new level. He's constantly biting you and drinking from you, even when you're not having sex. He loves it too much, and it makes him feel close to you. It's also a sign of ownership – no one else can bite you like he does. So, sadistic: pain is pleasure.

Also a masochist. If you drink from him, get ready for the most pornographic moan you've ever heard – he's gonna cum hard.

PERIOD KINK. Again, no comments needed, but how can he resist when he catches the sweet smell coming from your pussy? Smells like delicious Christmas dinner to him.

He's a dom through and through. He likes to chase, flirt and seduce, and once he's got you trapped between his body and the mattress (or in the nearest surface) he's gonna let you know who's calling the shots.

Saying this, he does have a very playful side, and you could easily seduce him into letting you do all sorts of naughty things to him. If it feels good and it's depraved, he's all for it.

He will be his asshole self and taint you, mock you and bully you through the entire thing though. It's part of his charm. If you manage to shut him up and make him a moaning mess, he would find it sooo hot.

Will fuck you everywhere and anywhere. If there's an itch to scratch, there's a way.

If you don't have a penis, he may let you use a strap on him. Plus points if he rides you making cowboy noises. You know he would make yeehaw noises during sex. C'mon. You ride him? Yee. He rides you? Haw. 100% would refer to himself as a bronco, and to his partner as a mare etc as if already seen in other fics.

He's very dominant, but I think he has the ability of being very silly during sex and still make it really fucking hot. He would make you laugh and two seconds later you're crying and screaming from how hard he's ruining you. The only time when he'll be completely serious is if he's hate-fucking you or marking territory. Also, spanking? Yes, please?

Why can I see him fucking with his sunglasses on?

Loves to eat you out: he eats pussy, dick and ass like a boss. It's not just how experienced he is, he genuinely likes it so much he's simply really good. The way he moves his mouth and tongue is absolutely sinful. 69? Say no more.

Adores it when you give him head. Easily his favourite thing alongside with drinking blood. He will let you get comfortable and then grab your head and face-fuck you. Will take his dick out and slap your face with it, then spit on you, calling you names and making you carry on. Please swallow his cum and kiss him, he loves to taste himself in your mouth.

Filthy. Loves cum swapping. Will make you squirt if you can, then cum inside you, then lick it all up as he eats you out, moaning like the sex crazed maniac that he is. Loves to cum all over you, and doesn't like it when you wipe it off.

A bit of a breeding kink, even if he's unable to get you pregnant. Loves to cum deep inside you and tell you how he's filling you up, how good your pussy or asshole is milking him, what a good girl/boy you are for him.

Won't. Leave you. Alone. Always trying to rile you up for another round. If he's not having sex, he's thinking about it most of the time (like that Buffy episode when she reads Xander's mind lol).

Unashamedly likes porn. He's mostly into dark BDSM material, the kind of thing that was hard to come across in the 80s. Still, if one day you're in a city with an adult cinema, he's dragging you in and you end up giving each other a handjob as you watch the film. He loves it if you're shy about it, he's gonna ruin that innocence.

Exhibitionist. He loves people to see him having sex. He's good and he's hot, he likes to put on a good show. He would also like to take pictures and make short films with you if you're up for it. He once took a video of his partner jerking him off from behind until he came all over his chest and balls, he genuinely thinks it's the hottest thing ever and would soooo post it online if he could.

I think he had a threesome with the pick-up truck ladies before killing them. So yeah, into threesomes and orgies, and will love giving orders to his partners and having them horny for him, answering to whatever he wants them to do. It's all about the power dynamics. Very territorial with his partner if he has one, though. Won't like anyone else to touch them.

But, nothing beats the blood. Vampires are of course sexual creatures, but Severen legit gets hard every single time he feeds.

Loves to watch you being aggressive and brutal. If he watches you feed, get ready because he's gonna show you just how much he's enjoyed the show.

Very touchy and cuddly. If there is an emotional connection, he will pull you to his chest and cuddle you as he smokes until you fall asleep. Can get very soft after sex, but ooonly if he has a partner. If that's not the case, it's feeding time.

He's basically terrible and so much fun. Would be the best sex in your life – if you survive, of course.

I need Holy Water after this. Was this too long? It probably was too long. Now I'm gonna go and cry myself to sleep because I can't have him in this life 😌

[jaysosilly1]

Erik Destlers nsfw alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) extremely touchy, and really quiet. He'd prefer to burrow in your breasts, and lay on your thighs. Somewhere where he can feel your body heat.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) He loves the curve of your hips. Its his favorite thing to look at when you're in a dress. Other than that, it's most definitely your eyes. He loves to look into your eyes, at all times, not just when making love. He positively adores your perfect feminine figure and angel eyes.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) He comes very easily, and is very sensitive.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) he's definitely smelt clothing. probably underwear.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) He has no idea. He gets extremely nervous, especially the first time. He tries to just lay down and let you take the lead.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) cowgirl, because he can get a firm grip on your hips.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) completely serious. If he tried to joke around, he's probably mess up and start crying because he thought he ruined things.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) He trims his pubes

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) he tries to be romantic as possible. kisses everywhere, "I love you"s, tracing patterns on your skin, love bites

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) If you're away a few nights for any reason, he'll for sure masturbate. He lays down in bed, and tries his best to pretend it's you touching him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) he likes to be dominated, for sure. He most likely has a mommy kink, and likes to be pampered. But on the other hand, he LOVES to get ruined. He loves to think about you riding him till he's in tears.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) the bed. He loves tradition, and comfortability.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) most of the time, he's just craving affection from you. He needs to know that you love him. But sometimes, it can be just as simple as seeing you in a tight dress.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) pain. The thought of hurting you in any way breaks his heart. And if it was the other way around, he couldn't take that either. It would remind him of his past, which is something he's constantly trying to forget when he's with you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) He loves eating you out. He lives for the heat of your thighs, and the way they wrap around his head. In his opinion, you are the most divine meal he's ever had.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) He likes to take it slow and deep. Maybe if he's about to come he'll be a bit more rough, and pick up the pace a bit. But ultimately, he likes to take things slow and savor the moment.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) he doesn't prefer them, but if it's what you have time for, he'll take whatever love he can get from you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) he doesn't like experimenting, he's not very fond of change.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) he can go for at least 3 rounds, if it's not extreme.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) no. just you and him. He'd probably get jealous otherwise.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) he's usually a bottom, but if he is being dominant, he wouldn't tease. He'd give you what you want, when you want it.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) oh he's LOUD.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) he has a hidden journal, which he writes inside about his favorite "sessions" with you from his perspective.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) He's most likely underweight, and has some chest hair. I'd say he's not circumsized, which is why he's so sensitive. He's a good 6 inches.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) Honestly depends on his mood.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) he makes sure you're okay. Then, he lays on you, almost melting into you, and he drifts off into sleep.

[hyperactivewhore]

Some people have this weird fixation about making Klaus choose Caroline over Hope, especially in fanfics. I’ve seen fics where Klaus abandons Hope, or kills Hayley for disrespecting Caroline, or just ignores Hope in favor of Caroline. Like some people forget Hope’s his daughter - of course, he’s going to choose her over everyone. I think any decent parent would choose their child over a potential girlfriend/boyfriend. And Hayley is Hope’s mom, a very important person in her life. I don’t think Klaus would kill Hayley unless she posed a threat to Hope or if she tried to take Hope away from him. Honestly, I don’t think he would even tolerate people openly disrespecting Hayley in front of Hope, regardless of who it was.

Another thing that I’ve noticed is how people are so determined to make Klaus a father figure to the twins, particularly Lizzie. I’ve read a fic in which Klaus clearly and openly favored Lizzie over his own daughter - which would never happen. I think that if Klaus and Caroline actually did end up together, he still wouldn’t be that present in the twins lives. Since he is overprotective to the extreme, I think that he would hold some resentment over how the twins treated Hope in their younger years. He’s petty enough to hold a grudge against a kid. And anyway, I don’t ever see Alaric allowing Lizzie or Josie to get close to Klaus, no matter what Caroline says.

I don’t know… it’s just weird that people keep diminishing Hope’s relationship with her own father to benefit their ship. Sorry for the rambling.

People fail to remember that Klaus is his own person and not an extension of the ships they like, and that ship half of the time is klaroline because they are obssesed with making him her personal puppy, as if that ever happened in canon.

Granted, Klaus said a few nice things to her and did like two good things to make Caroline not feel so guilty about wanting to fuck him, but other than that there's no way he would ever seriously chose her over his family, especially his own daughter. He chose to save her over Rebekah back in Mystic Falls because his sister is immortal, Caroline isn't.

I've never actually read long klaroline/klamille/klayley fanfiction. Sure, I use to read some oneshots from time to time because they have really good writing, but this fanfics I'll talk about best used to show up while I was in the klaus or mikaelson tag and I used to take a look because I was curious. It has some wild elements, that's for sure.

I've seen a lot of fanfics where they make Caroline some weird ass hybrid/tribrid that manages to be a werewolf, witch and vampire all in one and it's like wtf. They complain constantly about Hope's existence because she breaks canon and yet they make this baby vampire the biggest Mary Sue ever. Yes, the producers created Hope because they wanted to create their own magical baby like Renaissance from Twilight, but they make a fool of themselves by making Caroline be anything but a vampire. Caroline was incredibly mean and a complete hypocrite as a human and don't bring me the "she was insecure and always in Elena's shadow" because I'm insecure too and that doesn't make me be a bitch to the people who love me. Klaus was always threatening her whenever she spoke in a way he didn't like, and that was when she was already the "sunshine vampire" people claim to love so badly, so people who think he would even let her live if he met her as a human are laughable.

Klaroline shippers are so pressed about Hayley being Hope's mother, I can't even tell you how many posts, videos and weird fanfics I've seen of Caroline being her mother and being the "Mikaelson's light". I've said it a lot of times, but the Mikaelson wouldn't like Caroline at all: Rebekah and Hayley were constantly slutshamed by her, Elijah hates people who insult/hurt his family, Kol was literally killed by one of her best friends and he would not be okay with that, Finn couldn't care less and Freya probably just heard bad things from her, if she even knew about her existence. And in top of that, Caroline literally threw a party when she thought Klaus died.

When they have any Mikaelson or Klaus, especially Klaus, kill Hayley, I just lose it. Why the hell would Klaus ever do that? He literally lost his mind when she died, he was a mess and they don't even want to admit he loved Hayley: new flash, he did. She was his family, the mother of his daughter, probably his best and only friend and he loved her. Not in a romantic way, but they still get pressed because how dare Klaus have feelings for anyone other than their queen Caroline.

Also, their obsession with making Caroline be called queen? It's creepy and weird, it must be really annoying for them that Klaus only called Cami and Hayley a queen. Those two girls were a thousand times closer to be considered family by him than Caroline ever could, and his siblings did care for those women too.

This reminds me of a really good point in klaroline fics: if Caroline is the one pregnant with Hope, Klaus will react a lot better. I just can't see this, Klaus’s daddy issues are literally the main point of his character. He hated Mikael as much as he desired his love, he always yearned for one of his parents to care and no one did: Mikael, because he was a piece of shit, Esther, because she was terrified of her husband and there's literally no other reason in canon that explains why she allowed Mikael's abuse and Ansel, because he was forced to stay away and was killed twice. That isn't gonna change just because he got Caroline, sorry to tell you.

I can see him reacting less murderer and less threatening. Alkaline covers this so well and it's one of my favorite Klaus fanfics, if he has a romantic relationship with the woman he got pregnant he wouldn't tell the witches to kill her and their baby, but I do think he would still think at first she cheated, not only because of his paranoia but also because he is supposedly incapable of having kids.

The whole Lizzie and Josie thing is really a good point! I agree, Klaus would never favor the twins over Hope or even Marcel. Those are his kids, he raised them and he never met Josie and Lizzie until they were like what, twelve? Thirteen? He even said people needed to ask him permission to even talk to Hope, he would 100% hold a grudge against the Saltzman twins for being mean to his daughter. I also think that the whole "Klaus would like Lizzie more than Josie" is because physically and in terms of personality, Lizzie is the one that resembles Caroline the most. So when writers have him openly prefer Lizzie isn't only weird, it has some uncomfortable pedophilic vibes.

I've only seen klaroline and some klayley shippers say that about klope, how he would love x girl more than Hope and etc. I hardly doubt they even remember canon Klaus, just their fanfic version because if Klaus ever had to chose he would always chose his daughter. I've also seen, in a lot of fanfics, not only klaroline ones, how Klaus would love more or completely ignore his oc kid (they also have Hope he a complete bitch from the start, even if it's her seven years old version) and it's just strange. There are a lot of reasons why Klaus and Marcel didn't have a stable relationship, mainly all the bad blood between them and the fact that Marcel was already grown up by the time they met, but he never hesitated to put himself in danger for him. Klaus even refused to kill him, knowing he was endangering Hope. I just can't see him ignoring his kid, especially if he got to actually see him/her grow up.

This is not bashing to the writers btw! Sorry if it came out like that.

[hauntedwizardmoment]

OKAY so: 2, 10, 11, 14, for any oc(s) you wish, but also, assuming you're taking asks about 'em, for jace's former party from blood and turpentine fic series bc I am legitimately obsessed with them and think about them daily

HIII oh my god this got so long i am so sorry but i got carried away:

2. What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

Peregrine: he’s a theater kid! he wanted to be a bard soooo bad or at least multiclass a la Fabian but due to the [gestures at his neuroses around his masculinity] he never did. i think in terms of levels, he ended up a level 20 fighter until he did some paladin training as an adult that put him at like, a 17/3 split between fighter/paladin. in a kinder timeline he’d be doing community theater and taxes with jace. in blood and turpentine. well no spoilers for what im currently writing but it’s not that.   

Dagbert: out of everyone in the group hes the one thats into musicals unironically. and not even good musicals. like picture this massive goliath that’s taller than porter and just as broad, i think i have him as like 7 ft 1, and he just fucking loves Cats. he’s obsessed with fantasy andrew lloyd webber. has a jellicle-sona. 

Ysvelde: she’s somehow got even less of a solid grasp of her identity than jace does. part of it is that she’s an actress, part of it is that she’s never really lived for anything besides the approval of other people (first her mom, then her adventuring party). she has no idea who she is without the approval of others. if you put her in a room alone she’d start climbing the walls instead of sitting alone with her own thoughts. girl who is constantly experiencing The Dread but she covers it up with a winning smile + really cool artsy makeup. 

Aurora: [dan howell voice] one time she had a MESSY night out in [bastion city], kissed a GIRL, and SMOKED A CIGARETTE. no but seriously she has a secret wild side that she rarely lets out, especially as she gets more and more into fundamentalism and what she believes is sol’s true word, the very early beginnings of the harvestmen cult. during their first year adventuring, shes the one that suggested matching tramp stamps while they were all wasted. 

Invidia: she’s a romantic. she really does want her friends to find love. she’s at aurora and peregrine’s wedding as a bridesmaid, and when she realizes that jace and porter are serious about each other, she’s genuinely happy for him. underneath all the cattiness and jokes she’s so glad that everything “worked out” (woman who does not know jace is a dead man walking)

10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

not to keep talking about this but my infidelity fic which is an au of blood and turpentine? i have so many dramatic scenes from it that i rotate in my head. when peregrine finds out that jace got promoted to vice principal and starts a huge fight about it. dagbert’s father’s funeral. invidia and ysvelde’s falling out. when peregrine finds out about jace’s affair and subsequently gets murdered by porter. aurora’s creepy midsommar-ass family hosting everyone for fantasy easter. 

11. What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

Peregrine: a lance!! by the time he’s a full-time adventurer i’m sure it’s a magical weapon too, probably has like a +2 or something. hes definitely used it before love a martial class. 

Dagbert: his battle axe, absolutely has used it. he’s definitely got a magic weapon too, i think i call out in love’s never meant much to me that it has magic runes on it so yeah let’s call it the same level of magical as perry’s lance

Ysvelde: so she’s a college of eloquence bard and a fiend pact warlock, so i think she probably has a shortsword as a backup weapon but honestly that eldritch blast cantrip is getting her through most of her fights juuuust fine. 

Aurora: circle of life cleric, definitely has a crossbow that she’s used a couple times in a panic early on but she’s more a healer than anything. i picture her spiritual weapon (the cleric spell) as a scythe. 

Invidia: she’s a circle of the moon druid so i think she’d have a pair of broad claws that do some sick slashing damage, plus obviously her wild shape forms, and her animal companion (a wolf but for funsies ive flavored it as a husky named luna and she loves her so much, she treats her like a child, has little bows to put in her fur, etc. luna is fantasy instagram famous)

14. How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

ohhhh this is sosososo juicy 

Peregrine: the true driving force in his life is to be seen as a protector, as a provider, as a good fighter and a good man. he will Freak Out if he perceives anything as getting in the way of that. especially if its his own actions that make him look weak or immoral in any way, i.e. sleeping with jace when he and aurora are on a break. 

Dagbert: truly. genuinely. from the bottom of his heart. he could not give less of a shit. he wants to be known as a goddamn professional, unlike the rest of these people, apparently. he’s out here trying to earn a fucking paycheck meanwhile everyone else in his party is ensnared in insane psychosexual drama. he’s angling to get a raise to buy out his ailing father’s construction business from him and let the man retire and this clownshow of a party is fucking it up for him.

Ysvelde: she’s not real unless youre clapping and cheering for her if you dont clap and cheer for her she’ll die. she lives and dies on the approval of an audience. she’s a star. but like for real she needs validation constantly, it doesnt matter where it comes from or how she gets it, she just needs to know that she’s getting a good grade in existing, something normal to want and possible to achieve. 

Aurora: her main thing is being right. she’s a cleric, she receives the divine word from sol, she’s his hand upon the world and she’ll spread his light to the darkest corners of spyre and consecrate it for him, make the world holy. she has her convictions and is firm in them, and she wants everyone to see her as a source of good and truth, both in battle and in spirituality. i think after a certain point she couldnt care less what her party thinks of her, she’s mainly looking for the approval of higher-ups in the church of sol to further solidify herself as a priestess and help shape the vision and direction of the church. 

Invidia: her and aurora butt heads a lot because she also is very into being correct, but in a way that is entirely divorced from divinity. instead, she wants other people to see her as observant to a scary degree. she wants you to know that she sees what you do, knows your habits inside and out, all your secrets, and is taking notes and filing them away for blackmail purposes. and when you slip up she WILL brag about predicting your downfall to your face. it’s why she and jace are the ivy-and-oisin of their party, they both love gossip and reveling in the misery of people they dont like. 

[genderliquid-witch]

What are the Bad Kids' favourite Death Grips projects? (Fantasy High)

I've been having a blast watching Fantasy High: Junior Year, and I have also been relistening to a lot of Death Grips' discography. So, like I do with most of the fandoms I'm in, I'm going to guess what I think each of the Bad Kids' favourite Death Grips project would be. I will give reasoning for each one, but be warned that they are almost completely arbitrary.

Adaine Abernant: n-ggas on the moon

While on one hand I feel like Adaine would find some of the band's heavier albums a bit startling, I think she'd love n-ggas on the moon. It's got this whimsical atmosphere that I think a wizard would really vibe with, and I can see drunk Adaine wilding out to the more high energy tracks like Have A Sad Cum BB and Billy Not Really. Not to mention she'd have a great time deciphering what are arguably Death Grips' most cryptic and mysterious lyrics. This is a party wizard album for sure.

Fabian Aramais Seacaster: Fashion Week

As we all know, Fabian indulges in the finer things in life, and I think his taste in experimental Sacramento-based hip hop would be no different. Fashion Week is the closest Death Grips has ever come to luxury and I'm sure that would attract a young Seacaster. He's totally the type to brag about how refined his taste in music is, evident by how he chooses one of the band's more obscure, instrumental projects over the mainstream slop that is The Money Store. As for the music itself, I feel it's perfect for some wild interpretive dance, and I think Fabian would agree. I can already picture him doing some crazy sheet dance to Runway E.

Fig Faeth: Jenny Death

Jenny Death is the heaviest album in Death Grips' discography, almost acting as fully fledged psychedelic, punk metal album, so I can't imagine why Fig wouldn't adore it. The loud, abrasive guitars, the hypnotic production, the drums that practically punch your ears; it all just screams Fig to me! I mean when I saw the band live the songs from Jenny Death were easily the ones that caused the crowd to go completely wild, and we all know Fig loves a wild crowd. Even the names of the songs are perfect for her: I Break Mirrors With My Face In the United States, Centuries of Damn, Beyond Alive, and The Powers That B all sound like they came right from the Archdevil's own mind.

Also yes, I'm aware I missed an opportunity to assign her Bottomless Pit, but these are the sacrifices I make for accuracy.

Gorgug Thistlespring: Exmilitary

For a barbarian drummer, I can see no better fit than the band's debut mixtape, Exmilitary. This mixtape is so raw and primal, I mean the drums sound like war drums. We already know that Gorgug loves heavy, intense music, so I think he'd totally rock with this. I also think that the tape's unique, grinding production would appeal to his artificer side; it's a perfect mix of rage and technology, and I can imagine him blasting something like Takyon or Guillotine as he hacks through some enemies.

Kristen Applebees: Government Plates

For someone who's constantly riddled with feelings of doubt and confusion while also maintaining a general aura of weirdness (affectionate), I think Government Plates is a good pick for Kristen. It's the kind of album that you have to sit down and listen to a couple times before you really vibe with it; it doesn't want to be understood, but that doesn't mean you should stop trying! Not to mention the pure emotional intensity of tracks like You Might Think He Loves You... (I'm not writing the full title.), Two Heavens, and Bootleg (Don't Need Your Help) suit Kristen very well imo. An underappreciated album for an underappreciated character.

Riz Gukgak: No Love Deep Web

And for everyone's favourite little weirdo is what I consider Death Grips' certified weirdo album (They're all weirdo albums, but this one especially so). Though my reason for choosing No Love Deep Web as Riz's favourite Death Grips project isn't because of the music itself, but rather the history surrounding this album. If you didn't know, this album was released through a secret Alternate Reality Game on the deep web where fans had to solve incredibly cryptic puzzles over a few days in order to gain access to a link that allowed them to torrent the album, and I think that Riz would be all over that shit; I can imagine him setting up a little cork board with all of the clues and whatnot strung up. I don't even know if he'd even like the music, I think he's just invested in the mystery!

[kebriones]

I get where you're going with this but they very much did have extreme stress back then. Usually about if they were going to have enough to eat

(summary of my ramblings at the bottom!) I apologise in advance for the essay, I might be in the wrong here, i'm not an anthropologist or a historian but I do have strong feelings about how all humans around me are stressed out of their damn minds to the point of being empty husks so here goes. i'm also posting this in case anyone has a different opinion/more knowledge. My grandmother was raised in the german occupation. Famously a period when people here starved to death. But it was mostly the people in Athens who did. My grandma didn't have proper food as a kid, but she ate weeds and slugs and fruit. And when the occupation ended, they were still dirt-poor, but there were legumes and chickens and bread to eat, even though our agriculture was obliterated by the war. I'm sure this differs from place to place, but for people in rural areas, living off of the land if they know how to grow a few crops is very much possible.

My parents are working all day at jobs that demand them to be mentally there at all times and behave a certain way, they often work during their free time at home, and they're still stressed about how to afford groceries and rent and bills, and they owe thousands to the bank. My great-grandmother had time to weave, take care of her garden and animals, go to church as much as she wanted, get a full night's sleep and have friends. She couldn't read or write but she didn't have debts to anyone nor any bills to pay (because that village got electricity only in the 80s). the pace of life and the amount of responsibilties we have to keep track of now is a constant source of stress that never ever stops. Not to mention the constant influx of information about everything, which we are not made to handle. I'm not saying it's a bad thing that we're always aware of what's going on in the entire world, I think it will bring about necessary social changes one way or another, but it has to get evened out and reduced at some point. There is always, constantly, many things to worry about. How many people have the luxury of letting their mind wander during their work hours? how many people have the luxury of saying, I am not feeling well today and it's raining, I'll just nibble on some bread and veggies and stay inside and not work? I absolutely wouldn't want to live back then because I do like running water and toothpaste and modern medicine and electricity, but specifically for the stress and anxiety, I believe we're at a very bad place right now.

This is why I mentioned other animals. They might struggle to find food and go hungry often in the wild, but if you put them in a limited space with constant interaction not on their own terms or crowded conditions or lack of peace and quiet or disrupt their natural day-to-day cycle they will 100% be miserable and die faster than they would in the wild, especially "smarter" animals.

TLDR: occasionally going hungry isn't the same as living your every day full of comparatively milder stress without breaks ever. our lives are way too full of responsibilities and keeping track of things now.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

Ahhhhh, a case of tumblr's "how dare you say we piss on the poor" reading comprehension, once again found in the wild. I don't think I've ever seen you call Ganondorf a good guy, or misunderstood. From what I've seen you, and anons, say you'd wish there had just been more depth to him. Very different than "secretly misunderstood uwu baby" not like him having an actual personality and story would have negated him being a horrible person. A character born from misunderstanding and hardship, can still turn into an unquestionable monster and villain.

Oh well, I mean the thing is, it's the kind of position that it's hard to argue with once you already made your point. Not everybody just... has the tools to understand the actual argument too, which I mean, it's why I think it's important to talk about themes and cultural shortcuts and the history of tropes on top of the general history, because in many cases it needs to be actively sought for.

And yes, I think what bugs me with this whole thing is... Like, wouldn't it make for a better story? Just, pushing all of the more sensitive reasoning of representation to the side (even though it's not neutral to constantly demonize men of color or render them lovingly stupid, which does remain a pattern in the series), wouldn't the story gain more momentum and investment if the bad guy had compelling motivations that made sense (and I'm not even saying they have to go all poor little meow meow, they could just be: why is Power a good thing for him)? I honestly don't see what it would remove, I only see advantages to making Ganondorf slightly more complex, and I don't really understand the opposition to that. Are you guys like... okay with the most generic anime man motivations known to mankind spurred out of his mouth in a way that is basically completely indistinct from any other generic baddie out there? Like is this peak quality? Can't we be like "Nintendo, your game is great, but you kind of cheesed this thing a lot of people expected you to handle better and with more thoughtfulness, like I'm not sure I would have been able to tell if you had gotten Chat GPT to write this instead of an actual person, and your unwillingness to take narrative risks is getting a little concerning. TotK is a very fun game, but maybe reinvest in the narrative department next time because it was not the best you could do and you probably know this"

And like... for this to be a normal and reasonable opinion to have and share?

I don't know, the defensive atttitude about Nintendo when their games are faced with extremely mild complaints all things considered is just an extremely puzzling phenomenon to me.

[swaps55]

Warning, super long ask incoming! I suppose this is just a letter of fangirling in all honesty, and apologies if I accidentally already sent a half finished draft of this lol

I just wanted to let you know that I value your writing so much. I feel that I’ve fallen in love with Sam and Kaidan’s love, and that your writing is one of the best I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading, both within fanfiction and published works. Your writing is so compelling; the romance, the world building, the characterisation, everything! Every one of your characters feel like real people with patterns and behaviours that suit them and their motivations, they’re so believable and I love following them on their journeys. I think what I love most about your writing is that you’ve mastered show, don’t tell. When I’m reading any other fiction, I feel like I’m constantly searching for what you’ve portrayed in your work. You can really tell that you’ve put such love into Opus (and your other works, I’ve reread so many of the multiverse fics too), from the research of engineering and battle strategies, to bug behaviour even!

Essentially, I just needed you to know that someone out there is thinking of your writing daily. How incredible is it that this world that lives and breathes inside of your head, has now made a home in mine.

I also wanted to ask if you would ever consider publishing any original works in the future? I would read literally anything you wrote, your art holds a very special place in my heart now, I’ve even started learning the constellations and how to cross stitch because of you!

Thank you for your patience and I hope you have a lovely week ahead ☆♡

MAN, y'all are out to kill me with kindness.

You have no idea how much it means to hear this, especially right now. Back in March I hit a burnout wall running at full speed, and have been feeling some tremendous guilt over not making much progress on Mezzo the last few months. It's hard not to constantly fret that people will immediately assume I've abandoned the story and abandon it, too, and hearing this is a reminder that's not true.

I love this world and these characters, and it's the best thing ever that not only do others love them to, but they specifically love my versions of them. That's WILD. And amazing. You're so right about how incredible it is, so thank you so much.

As for original fic, years ago, I thought that's what I wanted to do, and I worked on some original projects. But here's the problem: I love sci-fi, I only want to write sci-fi...and I'm a terrible world builder. Give me a sandbox and I will happily build a castle, but I just don't have the right skillset to construct the sandbox.

That's why I've been so happy as a fanfic writer - I get a pre-built sandbox that I can go to town in and make whatever castle I want out of it. I have thought about trying to file the serial numbers off Cantata, but the world is such an integral part of that story that I wouldn't know how to do it and still have a story that means as much as Cantata does.

HOWEVER, never say never. I am not a world builder, but I married one. Real Life Romance Option is a phenomenal world builder, and a lot of his ideas can be found in Opus (you can thank him for the Can, for instance). He is happily building his own very cool sandbox, and it's entirely possible that one day I'll tell stories in it.

But Opus comes first! I still have Mezzo to finish, and two more stories to write to get Sam the happy ending he deserves, and I'm gonna do it, no matter how long it takes.

(Also, thank you in particular for calling out the bugs, because yes, I read a lot about bugs for Mezzo, haha!)

[medusaesque]

Lt. Kim Kitsuragi and the pale-

Warning- it's insanely long.

1. After life, death

One of the first thing you can learn about Kim is that he would hurl himself in death's way to save you. From the very first moment, Kim is related to sacrifice and death, it follows him wherever he goes-

The slaughterhouse.

He lost his parents at two years old. He worked a year in Processing (here's good post about that by @renmorris and @spilledkaleidoscope). He lost his partner, Eyes. People have taken a bullet that was meant for his more than once. His survivor's guilt is insane. He's killed six people. He's afraid of killing recklessly, and has a deeply unhealthy relationship with his gun (made another embarrassingly long post about that).

Kim also hears pale 'ghosts' on the police radio all the time, and talks about it like it's normal, and says he doesn't believe in ghosts.

If harry is with Noid during the Moralist dream quest (more on it later), Harry can even wonder if Kim is a ghost, prompting this beautiful exchange-

And he's not entirely wrong. When Harry gets shot, after Kim fulfills Espirit's promise he'll stand in death's way for him, you can ask as you fall into darkness what will happen to you-

It's the living who are ghosts. You can leave them behind and rest. Go into the wild pale yonder, along with everyone else Kim has ever cared about. Or at least you can try to.

When death is at the door, you have two options-

2. After death, life again

Kim might associate himself with death, but Harry associates him with life again and again- Death is darkness, Kim has a light bulb halo. Death is a sunset, Kim is a sunrise. Death is where you are when the game start, it's ready to take you, and then- a clarion call, the sound of a motor carriage, a detective arriving on the scene, and you open your eyes.

The game is very clear about Harry being a ceaseless agent of the world (here's a good compilation by @junawer) but he's not the only one. Harry stands at death's door twice, and Kim is his way back to the world both times.

3. After the world, the pale

So what is Kim's relationship with the pale?

As casual as he might try to appear, Kim is clearly uncomfortable with the pale, attempting to protect Harry from it. When Harry brings up the pale, he intervenes, genuinely worried for the fragile stability of his mind.

It's no more terrifying than water or death or that we're stuck behind our eyes for all eternity?? Sounds pretty terrifying Kim...

The key is in the moralist vision quest, When Harry attempts to each the Committee of Responsibility, and he hears the pale crosstalk coming through the radio, when suddenly-

"Pale is a shroud of memories and it doesn't really distinguish to whom those memories belong to. You could hear anything." You could hear anything, but you hear Kim. If he isn't with you, Soona even says that the odds of us hearing him, out of all the voices in the pale, are astronomically low.

We know the past has not been harmless to Kim, we know it's full of ghosts and cold winters, but that's not the thing that's eating at him-

Kim is afraid of forgetting. He's constantly writing, he thinks through his notebook, always recording, so he wouldn't lose anything. That's why the pale is so terrifying.

4. After the pale. the world again

The world is what it is. God is in his heaven. Everything is normal on Earth.

Volta do mar is a skill unique to Kim, according to the stats of this pilot jackets-

It makes sense, seeing how the only real advance in pale transit is the speed with which an aerostatic craft can pierce it.

His Black jacket is a bit more complicated-

DISTANT ENEMY OF HIMSELF?? kim.... The connections to Seol is intriguing here, considering how Kim tries to distant himself from it. I'm also not sure what 'sitting down for volta' would mean in this context, would love to hear some of you guys' thoughts.

It's driving me crazy to think how Kim wanted to be pilot as a kid, and is walking around dressed like a pilot as an adult, to give himself the ability to navigate the pale. To return from the sea and fulfill the role he has to play in the world, the thing Harry thought about a million times-

But we know Kim has a bigger role to play, he's trying to do his part right now, convincing Harry to stay-

His connection to Harry can keep him on this world once again. Keeping the two of them together. Your real work is down here, both of you-

Kim was right, each of them has a role to play in the world, but it's not a minor one. Him and Harry are Revachol's only hope. If they stick together they could keep her on this earth, stop the end of the world.

UNITY AMONG THE RANKS IS PARAMOUNT.

I NEED YOU. YOU CAN KEEP ME ON THIS EARTH. BE VIGILANT.

I LOVE YOU.

[hide-in-imagination]

Hi. Last year I started a completely new school where I didn't know anyone and I haven't made any friends until now. They are all completely different from me and I don't feel comfortable with them at all, in general they don't treat me very well either. That's why I would like to thank you very much. I know that what I'm about to write will sound very strange and parasocial, but thanks to you I somehow managed to survive. Right at the beginning of the school year, I discovered your stories and they were the only thing I did during school breaks. Reading them made my life at school much better. As I said, I know it sounds quite strange and that it's probably not even good for me, but when I read your stories, I stop noticing the surroundings around me, and I always get involved in the story enough to be able to ignore what others say about me. I don't want to be so dramatic as to say that you may have saved my life, but you definitely saved me a lot of tears that would have been many more without you and your stories. I want to say that I am very happy to have discovered your works and I want to tell you that you are amazing and you are great at what you do. I also want to thank you for the fact that, albeit unknowingly, you helped me a lot and will probably help a lot in the near future. Thank you. ❤️ I hope you are doing well <3

Oh my god. You have no idea the emotions that coursed through me while reading this. It's- I think it's the most captivating message I've ever received.

Anon, I was in your position so many times growing up. And it wasn't even that I changed schools or I was facing new environments-- It was just that people changed, and I stayed the same, and that led me to losing friends, and I was unable to make new ones because I was very shy back then and I couldn't talk to people if they didn't talk to me first.

That's why you have no idea how much I relate to you and how much I admire you, because, as I said, I never even changed schools! I can not imagine having to start anew in a completely different place like you're doing right now. I'm sending you a lot of virtual hugs.

I know it may sound cliché, but please believe me when I say: It will get better. Maybe you don't fit in with these people specifically, but there will be people in your life who will love you and accept you with all of your little quirks and because of them. It happened to me. It happened to friends of mine who went through the same thing. It will happen to you too.

Our school years are a very complicated time in our lives. Most people are constantly changing to fit in, trying to keep up with trends, trying to look 'cool', because they want to be accepted, we're very social beings, there's nothing inherently wrong with that. But if you're different, if you already know who you are and you're not interested in changing that to fit in, these people will reject you, because in doing so, they feel like they're reinforcing how right they are about their choices, and in those complicated, anxiety-inducing times, they need that feeling.

So, they're not necessarily villains, but they're not the main characters in your story. Look around you, look at the dynamics between groups, and think if there is any group of people who might not mind if you're a little different, because they might be a little different themselves. You don't necessarily need to have much in common with them, they just need to be the accepting kind of people.

You might even find that people who you thought you wouldn't be able to fit in with are actually very cool. That's what happened to me. For years, I looked at that small group in high school and thought I couldn't fit in with them because they were too chill and I was too loud. But guess what? My weird wildness made them laugh, in a good way, and I loved making them laugh, and we formed a very good friendship. For once, I didn't feel like the 'backup' friend, the one that was only there because they'd feel bad asking me to leave. This group of friends added me to group projects when I happened to be absent from school the day the assignment was given. And that, was everything.

So, it's a new school and you don't know anyone, so it might be hard to find your place, but it might not be impossible. Like I said, the most unlikely people might become your allies, or maybe time will do its thing and it will all flow and you will naturally click with someone.

Even if you don't, even if it feels like the end of the world, trust me, it's not. What happens if you don't find anyone you have anything in common with in school? Well, you finish school, and you move on to University or work, and I assure you, you will find people like you there. The world is a vaaaast place, but when you're in school, the school feels like the world. It's not. Someday in the future, you might look back to now and think "God, they were all a bunch of stupid assholes; thank god I never hung out with them." 😂 It's all about perspective, and it's all about time, and growth, but right now, you're in the middle of it, and I know how hard that can be.

So, I'm very happy that I can help you get through it with my little stories, even if just a little bit. Guess what? Reading stories to escape reality is exactly what I do too! I've done it all my life, I did it when I was alone, I do it now that I have friends, I'll probably do it forever. I don't think it's a bad thing when there are bad things going on around us that we have no control over. Like you said, we need something to survive. So, stick to whatever hobby it is that brings you joy-- Reading, drawing, watching TV Shows. The beauty of doping with art is that, unlike drugs, it's not detrimental to your health but actually so enriching. That's not to say that my stories are the highest form of literature, absolutely not skjdf, but hey, they're a good source of entertainment, and sometimes, that's all we need.

I'm genuinely so grateful to you for sharing your story with me. Sometimes I wonder why I even do what I do. But now I have an answer: I do it for you. For all the little yous around the world who need a little entertainment.

You'll be fine, anon, trust me. I believe in you.

In the meantime, you've got a pen pal here if you ever want to vent.

Love you <3

[oakantony]

hey emanthony I love your hxh fics some much I have a random question that you can totally ignore if you dont feel like answering 😄 I've noticed that killua is usually away in your fics like in your last fic he was on a boarding school and in your other fics he is just mentioned but doesnt have a major role except for the sharpest knife though he was still more like plot device there imo, do you try to avoid writing him because he is arguably the most popular hxh character and you prefer not to deal with the unnecessary fandom drama that writing a fic about him might cause? Which is totally fine if thats the reason, your fics are still amazing with killua involve but I was just curious.

I have MANY thoughts and I'm preemptively sorry for the wall of text that's about to happen. ily, though, here's the TLDR: it's honestly mostly logistical issues that have caused me to avoid inserting Killua into stories.

tbh if I didn't want fandom drama I wouldn't have written that opening for The Youngest Child. That shit was risky af. I still marvel that I haven't gotten e-flayed over it and sometimes I consider removing the story entirely because I have anxieties. (Obviously Chrollo and Kalluto's tryst at the beginning is not meant to be some hot aspirational kink-thing [you do you if you're into that]--the intention has always been to show how far Chrollo had fallen, socially, and how Kalluto has been placed in a dangerous position his entire life without parental figures to care for his well-being [enter: Gon, our knight in sun-shining armor.]) But we're not here to talk about that, so I'll stop lmao.

I've gotten a few questions about Killua throughout the years, ranging from people wondering if I hate him (I love him; I have him as a tattoo) or if I'm just not confident writing him (I'm not confident writing anything, ever), and really it's mostly just logistical. I actually would love to do a Killua-centric story one day, but I haven't had time (though I'm constantly trying to figure out how to write more and faster so I can write more fic. I legit have a pretty fleshed out story in my mind featuring Killua Zoldyck x Shouto Todoroki, which sounds WILD, and it is wild, but I also think I could make it work).

When I say logistical, it's like... We can use The Youngest Child as an example. Obviously Killua being absent is one of the main plot points, but if we pretend instead that his parents decided Kalluto was a better heir, the story doesn't change much... Except that I now have another big personality to contend with. Killua is, without exception, a main character. If he's there, he's going to be there, you know? He'd have to have a whole subplot of his own (which I'll touch on more in a second). The Youngest Child would likely be double in length. Maybe even triple, because I'd have to explain him and Gon's relationship from the onset, too. That would take my idea for a novella-length story and turn it into a full on novel. Which is fine, but as previously mentioned... Time. I can either knock out a story with Kalluto, Gon, the Troupe, Illumi, Hisoka, and the Zoldycks (that's already a wild list to write concisely) in ~20k words, or I can add Killua and watch it bloat up to like, 50k at the least.

There's also an element to writing Killua that I'm not sure a lot of people realize is actually a lengthy subject to cover, and that's his responsibility to his family. Even as a side character, there's so much to address. His story ends (both in the manga and in the anime) with him rescuing his sister, running away, and presumably keeping her safe from Zoldyck influence. But what about the other kids? Maybe we can write off Illumi; he's fully grown, and abused Killua deeply enough that Killua could dismiss him as a victim of their upbringing. But what about Milluki, who's openly derided and dismissed by their parents? What about Kalluto, a small costumed doll handed over to a genocidal gang? Is Kalluto not worthy of saving? We know Kalluto loves Killua; we never see Killua think of Kalluto at all. Does that mean Killua doesn't love his other brothers? Does that mean he doesn't think they suffer? Obviously Alluka needed rescued, that's not in question. But any canon-compliant fic that includes Killua has to answer this question (and many of them do not, and I don't blame them): does he care about his family at all?

(The answer, imho, is yes, but Killua is so afraid of his past and his parents and his role as heir that it paralyzes him similar to the ways we saw him paralyzed trying to fight for Gon in the Chimera Arc.)

That's why it's hard to include him in fics. That's honestly probably why Togashi hasn't included him in the manga in 11 years. There're so many loose ends. It's a nightmare to tie up neatly so that other characters and their stories can shine. I mentioned it before, but he's got some of the biggest main character energy of any fictional character ever made (this is a compliment). His capacity for love, violence, humor, poise, intelligence... He's really remarkable. He's going to outshine anyone if he gets involved. Illumi's whole arc in The Longest Job was learning some of the things that Killua's been capable of his whole life. If Killua was there, Illumi probably would have seen even more pathetic than he already was. Which maybe isn't a bad thing, lol.

Anyway. I should write a Killua fic one day. Lemme just finish...uh...man, idek. I have like 6 WIPs at the moment. I'm gonna go lay down.

[monocaelia]

MATCHUP EVENT??? SIGN ME UPPPPPP I hope u have a lovely summer break with this didiiiiii ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

for starters, my name is annie (although u already know this), and preferred matchup would be with one of the boys （*´▽｀*）

I think my fave trope is the one where the couple simply just exist together,,, like sure they have ups and downs and wild experiences and funny stories to laugh about over dinner!!! and frankly they theoretically could live without each other and not have much change abt them, but at the end of the day they sit and look at each other and think, "even if I could live without this person, I'd still choose to exist with them"

as for the song, it's honestly a toss-up between cupid by fifty fifty or pasilyo by sunkissed lola ! I love cupid sm bc I really resonate with the lyrics and my wishful daydreams as a hopeless romantic, while pasilyo is just one of those songs that makes you think "oh. oh. this is the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. this is where I'm supposed to be." I'm rather indecisive, so I'll let you pick which vibe you wanna go for 🫡🫡🫡

note : hehehe hi annie <3 smoochies u actually. i need u to ignore all of this because i ship u w me <3

send me ur favorite trope or delusional song and i’ll write you something short !! [closed !!]

through your journeys and trials through life, there is only one person that always attracts your attention and love. despite it all, your eyes can only ever look at childe.

you don't even quite remember when it was that attracted you solely to him. the ginger man has always been an annoyingly affectionate thorn at your side, a constant in your tumultuous life. even if the world had flipped upside down or suddenly turned against you, you could count on that peculiar snezhnayan man to continue to stay by your side even if it was to beg to spar once more.

you had always found his sense of loyalty a charming point of his. no matter the circumstances, he would always stay by your side even if it meant having the world against him. he was your knight in shining armor who was ready to risk his entire life to make sure you made it out alive, not that you would let him die for you in the first place.

he chose you to bare his heart to, and there was nothing he wouldn't do to prove his devotion to you.

your eyes widen, lips parted in surprise as you watch your dear friend hold his hand out for you. an invitation to dance with him at the banquet held in the zapolyarny palace courtesy of her majesty, the tsaritsa, herself; what was a country loved by the cold, yet pure archon if she didn't hold a party to celebrate the land she cherishes?

childe's eyes shine, a sparkle held deep within the oceans that were his eyes, as he meets your gaze. and, like the peaceful waves that lull you to play along the shores and laze in the gentle swells of water that lap at your feet, your hand is placed in his and he pulls you into his arms as the string quartet plays a waltz.

despite the many people surrounding you, either watching the couples on the floor dancing or the pairs of loved ones swaying to the beat of music as well, you find your eyes lost in deep blue oceans, never straying from his eyes. the harbinger smiles and his dimples poke from his freckled cheeks, making your heart flutter a dance of its own within your chest.

your palms are sweaty and shaky and you're so glad that his are gloved as he leads you through the dance.

"you're nervous," childe whispers, his tone teasing, into your ear. his warm breath hitting the shell of your ear does not calm your nerves in the slightest, but you persevere.

"the crowd is watching," was your excuse as you whisper back. he hums, eyes seeing completely through your fib. he laughs softly, something you've always loved to hear like a favorite song you want constantly playing in your head until you're sick of it.

but you fear his laughter is something you would never tire of hearing.

his gloved hand gently squeezes your own, a silent reassurance and an attempt to calm down the nerves that threaten to leap out of your body. fortunately, it does calm you down, though not by much.

"relax, just keep your eyes on me," childe reassures you. you aren't sure how, but he's shining brighter underneath the glow of the chandelier. was zapolyarny palace casting a spell on you to fall even more for this silly companion of yours?

his usual mess of orange curls has been somewhat tamed with half of it pushed back. his cowlick still stands tall; you wonder if it could ever be tamed but you didn't care, it added to his boyish charm. his ruby earring glints in the light, but its radiance is nothing compared to the charming man in front of you. with the light from the glistening chandelier, it was like a halo encased his head; an angel from celestia cast down to bless you with his beauty.

it's hard for your eyes to stray to anybody else but childe, for he is absolutely breathtaking in the grand hall of zapolyarny palace.

you suppose you would tell childe about the feelings you held for him one day, but that day could wait a little longer. you just want to bask in his embrace as he leads you through the waltz, feeling as if it were just you two dancing among the stars shining from celestia.

[unlikely-bloom]

Honestly the constant discourse about Kyman, as someone who ships it, is kinda making me want to distance myself from what used to be my OTP. People speaking ill of Kyman shippers is working on me and starting to make me worry that I'm doing something wrong by shipping it. I shouldn't care about what ppl on the internet think and I usually don't but constantly being told that I'm "supporting" something thats "abusive" or problematic is getting to me. Like dammit, I didn't even know about the discourse when I got into Kyman; I got into it by watching the show itself and it was my first SP ship but honestly if I knew that people gave a shit about it in the SP fandom I probably wouldn't have bothered. It'll always have a place in my heart but I'm getting tired of this shit 😔 Im extra emotional rn so Im not being rational here and you dont have to publish this. I know fandom shouldn't have that affect on me I'll get over it after Style vs. Kyman fight 2192943290 blows over. Idk if you're comfortable with vents sorry if I crossed a boundary here.

Oh, anon. It never used to be like this.

Fandom discourse these days is insane. Unhinged, even. The idea that anyone is more morally correct than someone else for what they ship and enjoy in fiction is absolutely ludicrous. Especially within the context of shipping fucking South Park characters.

The hard truth is that every fandom is like this now. You don't have shipping wars just arguing over what makes more sense 'in canon', but moving on to an ever-changing line of what is and isn't 'morally acceptable.' As if that's ever something the majority of people would ever agree on. (Hint: it's not!)

But there is a certain irony to see people arguing this for South Park of all things, as if we aren't all equally degenerate for enjoying such a 'problematic' show in the first place. Like... seriously. Be so serious, people. It's South Park. Everything is exaggerated for comedic effect-- including character's personalities, their actions and their relationships to one another. It's never going to be a character driven show no matter how much this fandom sometimes wishes it was. We're going to have characters who don't give a fuck about each other, literally wishing death or plotting to kill each other in one episode and then they're just going to be chilling playing video games in the next episode like nothing happened. It's episodic. That's part of the appeal. It's why it's such a sandbox.

Even if you didn't ship Kyman, their dynamic is impossible to ignore, try as some might. They say they hate each other, yet they keep hanging out. Both parties are there of their own volition. They both enjoy each other's company, and no amount of write-up's anyone can post on tumblr dot com is going to change that canon fact. They're friends.

Also-- they are just plain fun to watch, fucking hilarious and a huge appeal of the show! If someone else who watches the show doesn't like them, that's their problem. Them not liking an aspect of the show isn't going to make that part of the show any less valid and/or canon. And guess what? You're supposed to like their dynamic. It's supposed to be entertaining and captivating. How you interpret it is up to you, but there is 100% nothing wrong with watching an episode of South Park and enjoying Eric and Kyle's dynamic-- that is what you're supposed to do. So don't feel bad about it. The show is made for people to enjoy, after all. Also, it's important to keep in mind that just because you can find a dynamic appealing doesn't mean you endorse everything about it. That's such a wild and new-age fandom take. Fiction is an escape-- a safe space to explore unrealistic relationships and unrealistic characters. You're allowed to like fucked up things in fiction. You're allowed to like stuff in fiction you'd find repulsive or abhorrent in real life.

I think I can speak for a good chunk of the fandom when I say, I'd fucking hate Eric Cartman in real life. Hell, I'd probably hate Kyle, too. I have a lot of favourite characters from different fandoms I'd probably hate in real life. They're fun because they're fictional and it's different from real life. If I wanted to read about stuff that happens in real life, I wouldn't be here.

In the end, anon, fandom is supposed to be fun. To me it's just fun to take these silly little egg construction paper kids, draw 'em as anime characters, and give 'em some angst. It's fun! There's so much to do with them! They're soooo dynamic!

But if you're not having fun-- if you're stressing-- there's nothing wrong with taking a step back for your own mental well-being. I'm not about to tell you your feelings are invalid, because I know how any internet discourse, no matter how trivial or silly it may seem, can still stress you out. If you're constantly being told you're morally corrupt or problematic, it can take a toll on you-- even if you know you're not. The truth is you're never going to agree with everyone on the internet, and people will weaponize something as trivial as a South Park ship to make them feel better about their ship while also making you feel worse about your ship.

Anyways, when it comes to stepping back, I think there's a few ways you could go about this;

You could disengage with the social part of the fandom-- focus on the show itself, maybe just hunker down with some fanfics.

If you'd like to remain active on social medias, I think it wouldn't hurt to start blocking liberally. Anyone who has anything along the lines of 'Kymans DNI' in their profile, just block right away. You don't want to see their opinion, anyways. You're never going to convince them otherwise.

If you have a few close friends, I recommend sticking close in a small private discord server where you can discuss your headcanons and gossip in private. It's much more liberating than trying to get involved in any of the insane discourse that plagues both here and Twitter.

Anyways, anon, do what's right for you. Kyman shippers will always be here to welcome you back! They can say what they want-- we have too much canon fodder for us to ever go away!!