#as if i’m NOT gonna cry over a john reference? please—

[franklyimissparis]

yeah crying over this actually

[the-californicationist]

he gets his revenge

Part 2 to "he comes closer and closer" -- at @numberonetastemakerwhispers request. <3

TW: explicit consent, sadism, masochism, spanking, degradation

“I know all of your hiding spots, pretty girl,” Price teased you in his low, rumbling voice, “....and I know that this one is your favorite.”

He was right, of course. But, you’d chosen this one on purpose. There was a part of you that wanted to be caught this time. You saw his bare feet pad slowly, skillful and silent, across the concrete floor of the office. You had fled to the base's reference room, and you were hiding under the microfiche machine. It wasn’t big enough to allow him in, but you could just barely squeeze through. 

“You like it because I can’t come in there after you, but...” he leaned his head down to the ground in a half-plank, snarling at you in the orange glow of the machine’s lamplight, “I have a long reach.”

You tried to dodge his hand, but he caught you by the ankle and dragged you out of your burrow like a cat does to a mouse. He flipped you over onto your stomach and shoved your body underneath his. He was still only wearing his gym shorts from before, and his dick remained soft and spent from your earlier edging. He’d asked you to play with him, to edge him, and you had. But, you may have taken it a little too far. Now, he wanted revenge and it was very much at hand. 

“John! Please. I was just doing as you asked!” He loved it when you turned helpless. You raised the register of your voice to a higher pitch, exciting his drive even further, feminizing your movements by over-exaggerating your cowering stance. Doe eyes. Just for him.

“Yeah?” He chuckled darkly, fully unrestrained in this dark office, “Call me by the name I like, love, or else…”

You pressed the first of many buttons,

“John…”

The slap that hit your ass was so hard that it made your body run cold. You couldn’t even scream. It was as if you had been a camera, and your mind had just taken a photo with the flash on. You were dazed by the stinging pain. He was upset, that much was certain. As the burn melted into a masochistic sort of pleasure, tingling out and radiating from the point of impact like a fresh sunburn, you cried out the words he wanted to hear,

“Sorry, Captain! Please…”

He purred like a lion, humming his approval as he pinned you to the dirty floor,

“That’s a good girl. Why can’t you be so good all the time? Such a fuckin’ brat. Needs her Captain to show her how to behave.”

Two more slaps stung sharply through your skin. One was to your ass cheek again, the same aching spot, but the other was to your hamstring on the back of your thigh. That one made you cry out in earnest.

“Mmm, yes. That’s what I like to hear. Sing for me, pretty girl.” 

He took both of his huge hands and smacked them down at the same time on both of your thighs. Your body tried to make sense of the feeling, and you could literally feel the wetness begin to slip out from between your folds, making your pussy lips slide together as you writhed from the pain, trying to escape his trap. 

“Ah! Please, please, Captain. I’m sorry,” you begged, knowing how much he liked it. Second button pressed, you waited for his response. 

“You will be.”

You had truly underestimated his wrath this time, and you were worried that he might actually take it too far. 

He grabbed your pants and raked them down, exposing your ass and thighs. He hummed, running his fingers lightly over the damage,

“Mm, that’s gonna be a bruise, love.”

Price slapped you hard again, just like the first one, but this time on bare skin. You felt it rattle your bones in your body, and you seized up from the pain, involuntarily trying to escape it. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes. You had known you’d be a crying mess after his threat to chase you down, but you hadn’t expected to cry so soon. 

He grabbed your hair and yanked your body back into a cruel arch to meet his face as he hunched over you, menacingly. Price had a glare in his eyes that made you imagine him as some sort of animal. Beastial and primal in his ruthlessness. He kissed you, awkwardly and upside-down, licking you more than truly kissing your mouth. He whispered softly into your face, a heavy contrast to the pain he was causing to your body,

“Are you wet for me, love?”

You tried to whisper out a yes, but he was pulling your neck at such an angle that only the air escaped through your gritted teeth. He understood you anyway, letting your body fall back to the floor unceremoniously.

“You are, huh? Let’s see, shall we?” He pulled your ass cheeks apart like he was breaking open a pomegranate, witnessing your plump flesh turn red from his slaps and spill its juices from your swollen lobes.

He seemed pleased, letting out a low whistle and chuckling to himself, delicately fingering your drooling hole, soft and supple, pulsing with anticipation,

“Wow… look at you. My naughty girl craves her punishment, don’t she?”

“No! No, Captain, I - ah!”

The captain used his other hand to smack you hard and fast, three times in the same spot. 

“Oh, fuck. You do like it, love. I can tell. Every time I hit this fat arse...” he slapped you again for effect. You let out a sob. He continued, “...your pretty little cunt grabs my finger and doesn’t want to let me go.” 

He was moaning now, humping his hard length on your thigh, fully erect again and extremely aroused,

“I wanna feel that with my cock, love. Green?”

Price was good about checking in, especially in the middle of a scene. He was patient, and he gave you plenty of processing time, leisurely fingering you while he waited for your consent. You sniffled, nodding,

“Yes, Captain. Green.”

He slapped you twice and left his hand on your ass to fondle it roughly, shaking it like a dog with a rabbit in its mouth. 

“Good. Now, give me what I want.” 

You were openly crying now, tears rolling down your cheeks. You peeked over your shoulder to show him your tears and to watch him push himself into you. He had his shorts rucked down to his knees and his cock in his hand, pointing it towards its target, and as he found it, you watched Price’s face twist into that familiar agony you knew so well.

Teasing him had been enlightening, and you knew that he only made that face when he was on the brink of his pleasure. You decided to press button number three, and you slammed your hips back into him, forcing his cock inside of you all at once as opposed to the controlled entry that he had planned. His eyes went wide with shock, and he looked up at you, just in time to see you hide your grin. The captain’s gaze turned sinister. 

As much as you had tried to spear yourself onto him, you’d left a few inches on the table. His first order of business was to remedy that, ramming you down to his base, stretching you far beyond what you had bargained for. Then, he began to slap you in steady, harsh, evenly-spaced beats. He chose a cheek at random, so you never knew what to expect except for more burning pain.

Each time he slapped you, you cried out, and eventually, the pain warped itself into rhythmic bliss. You could feel yourself clench around him. He wasn’t even thrusting into you, but it felt like he was since your body was squeezing him so damn hard. 

“You naughty girl,” he berated you, slurring his words, “Thinking you could rush me, trying to fuck yourself on me like a…” every word forward was punctuated by a slap of its own, each harder and more merciless than the last, “...filthy. fuckin’. slag!”

He gathered you up by your shoulders, somehow reaching into you deeper than before at your new, arched angle, and you moaned from his effort, feeling your pussy melt around him like hot wax. Price groaned too, low and slow, and you could feel his rod throb inside of you, aching to come. With your chest high, he raked up your shirt and played with your nipples messily and without aim, growling into your ear,

“Such a good little slut for me. Always so goddamn starved for my bloody fuckin’ rod, huh?”

“Yes, sir,” you replied obediently, making sure to put a high-pitched whine on it for his benefit, and for yours.

Price began to thrust into you now, no less cruelly than his hand had treated you, hard and deep, bullying your womb with his fleshy, swollen head. 

“Mmm. Every time you pulse around me, it makes me want to come in you. Makes me mad with it. I imagine how it feels while I watch you on base, sittin’ in your fuckin’ uniform, listenin’ to my bloody briefings, starin’ at me all hungry like. Arghh!” He slapped you again and sighed contentedly, “I get so. bloody. hard.”

“Ah! Captain, please…” He was too deep. It was as if you could feel him in your throat. If you swallowed, you thought the spit would soak his cockhead. 

“It’s my favorite fuckin’ thing,” he smacked you over and over, fucking you into the concrete floor, thrusting your body forward with his massive weight. Your nipples were raw, scraping the ground, and you tried to use your hands to catch yourself, but he was too strong. 

He shuddered, shouting with a gravelly resonance, still slamming himself into you, pushing through his orgasm, and you felt him spilling into you, warmer than usual. It felt like he had poured hot caramel into your walls and was stirring it up in you, frothing his cream to a bubbling, sticky mess. 

Then, he stilled. Laying on top of you, he panted harshly, trying to catch his breath. He began to kiss your neck and shoulders. Then, he gently removed himself and pulled your body into his lap, leaning against the photocopier behind him. You were draped across him, clutching his chest and neck with your hands, crying softly into his skin from your twisted joy. He used his fingers to play inside of you gently, feeling his messy come and spreading it all over your folds, massaging it into your ass cheeks, smearing it across both of your holes. 

“You okay, love?”

“Yes, sir,” you kissed his chest as it was the closest thing your mouth could reach.

“Gonna come back to my quarters tonight? We need to ice that arse. Not gonna be able to run your drills tomorrow.”

“Drills?” Your voice couldn’t hide your panic. 

He chuckled, kissing your forehead,

“I warned you, love. Don't test me.”

Reblogs and comments deeply appreciated!

[cranberryjuice-posts]

- this butch this butch -

Pairings - Butch Abby x housewife! Milf! reader

IMPORTANT - takes Place in the 40’s / Abby is referred to as Abby and is written with He/Him pronouns UNTIL reader finds out she’s a she

If ur currious what the Lingerie looked like

Tw - SHITTY SMUT‼️‼️ oral sex, fingering, erm that’s abt it guys it takes place in the 40’s idk 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

An - the smut is like kinda at the end and short bc idk

Rushing around the house you struggled to prepare dinner. Tonight was important, your father had decided to come by for dinner bringing along his understudy Andy Anderson, your husband was currently out in the living room entertaining your father and your baby girl June was currently playing on the kitchen floor with her blocks.

“Ok ok.. steak for main course and I’ll do lobster bisque for the appetizer” you mumbled while grabbing the ingredients you needed.

“Mama” your daughter asked from where she sat, walking over to your todler you crouched down to her smiling. “Yes baby?”

“Square” she held up a block. Letting out a content sigh you took the wooden toy from your daughter, setting it aside you kissed her forehead. “Yes baby that’s a square, now mommy has to take care of dinner ok so be a good girl and play with your toys” Getting back up you returned to your meal prep.

After an hour the door opened, stepping in John. As he entered the kitchen your dusted the flour off of your hands while he found his way over to you, bending down he placed a soft kiss on your lips before heading towards the liquor cabinet. “John.. common I’m making dinner and June is up, can’t you wait until later”

He didn’t respond. “John p—“

“I heard you the first time” he snapped. Your breath caught in your throat, being married to your husband for the past 6 years you’ve learned quickly about his temper. And his hand.

Nodding slowly you started baking again. Checking on your soup June started crying as she hit her hand on a chair. “Your daughter is crying” John spoke as he prepared two glasses. “Yes.. uh could you please get her I’m sorry I’m just busy with dinner”

John however ignored you, walking out while heading back towards the living room. “God..” you sighed with your daughter practically screaming, before you could walk over to her the door opened once again making you pause in your step, being faced to face with a long forgotten crush of yours.. Andy . “Oh my god Andy I— please you don’t-“ you stumbled against your words while you tried to clean yourself up some. Andy chuckled shaking his head while picking up June. “It’s ok, I don’t mind helping out”

“Thank you” giving him a grateful smile. Sitting down at the counter Andy started to watch as your Finshed your meal. Normally you preferred being in the kitchen alone, but Andy was different. Being around him made you happy, it also didn’t help that he was insanely attractive. His strong arms and short well kept Blonde hair, and for some reason being around him gave you this flustered feeling. It was a wonder how he hadn’t been swooped up by some lucky woman .“so how’s your marriage going” Andy asked drawing your attention.

“Hm? Me oh it’s going.. nothing to bad though” you chuckled trying to make light of the situation. “Oh by the way Andy could you please take June out and set her in her high chair? You’d be doing me a major favor” you pleadingly asked, he of coursed nodded leaving to do as you asked.

——

All you asked for was a normal dinner. Sitting across the table from you was Andy. You knew he liked you, you may of been younger than him by a couple years but you could tell how he tried to peek at your cleavage through your dress or how he appreciated your victory curls. Though you didn’t mind the attention as it was more than you received from your husband.

Cleaning up the now emptied plates, you smiled as your dad complimented your cooking skills. “Aw dad it’s nothing to write home about”

“Ha! As if im Gonna Need you to start cookin for me every night” he laughed pulling a cigar out his pocket. Going outside you expected your husband to follow him the same as Andy only this time he followed you to the kitchen. “Well I think tonight went gr—“ the next thing you knew your jaw hit the sink then you laid on the floor.

“First thing Sunday you will go to the priest and confess about how you practically eye fucked another man infront of me.” John simply spoke while adjusting his shirt sleeve. “What?” You quietly asked, your tears staining the floor bellow you.

He scoffed. “Don’t act suprised you knew what you were doing. I saw how you act with Andy. Clean yourself up and get this nasty kitchen cleaned as well” he harshly spoke before leaving.

———

“Annnd here’s mommy” Andy smiled as he brought June into the kitchen, your daughter laughing excitedly. Almost immediately Andy noticed your closed off stance. Setting your daughter down He mumbled “Go find your grandpa ok” making sure the young girl was gone he made his way towards you

“What’s wrong” he asked standing behind you. You both had known each-other for a few years at this point, thus a friendship had grown over time. “Nothing” you mumbled.

He knew. You knew he knew. It was obivous. A small stain of blood on the floor, the first aid kit open and your formerly perfect curls now distressed.

Letting out a deep sigh he moved to be Standing beside you at the sink, now rinsing off the dishes he stayed quiet. “I’ve got it Andy”

He shrugged his shoulders “I know.”

“Andy this is a woman’s job please” You tried to push him back only he didn’t move. Giving up you stepped back watching while Andy finished off the plates putting them now in the drying rack.

Turning around He dried his hands before gently grabbing your face, rubbing a thumb over your bruising cheek and jaw. His critical gaze felt as though he knew how you felt. Your pain. Your cheeks flushed somewhat from his touch. Without realizing it you leaned into Andy kissing him.

A moment later you pulled back realizing he hadn’t kiss you back. “I’m sorry” you covered the bottom half of your face while holding your head low. “No no.. it’s not you trust me” his tone shocked as he quickly tried to assure you— you were in the right by squeezing your arms. “Your absolutely perfect in every way it’s just that.. there’s some stuff about me that you wouldn’t approve of, that would make you reject me”

Looking up confused you tilted your head. “What is it..” keeping eye contact with him. You knew he wouldn’t tell you without you putting up a fight. “I swear on everything Andy that I won’t tell.. if I do then you can tell John how I kissed you…. So please what is it” debating for a moment he finally sighed giving into you. Taking his hands away from you but keeping your bodies close he untucked his shirt pulling it open.

That’s when you realized it. Andy wasn’t a man.. rather he was a woman. “Your..”

“Yeah..” she sighed, Closing her shirt. “My Name is Abigail— Abby for short, not Andy. Legally a few years ago I changed my name to Andy because I couldn’t stand the thought of being a mans wife. So I changed. I changed everything about me and I ended up landing a pretty good spot at your fathers company” she slightly chuckled.

You kept your hands towards your chest. Out of everything Andy actually being named Abigail and being a woman was not what you expected. Pulling your eyes away from Abby you finally reached out, softly touching her chest which was covered by a thin tanktop. You felt the woman’s breath falter.

Standing on your tippy toes once again you placed your lips onto Abby’s. It was a quick peck. “Your not disgusted” she asked quietly with her hands on the counter behind you. “No.. if anything you being a woman makes you even more attractive”

That was all it took before Abby quickly jerking you into her kissing you hungerily. Bringing your hands to the girls face and wrapping an arm around her neck you deepend the kiss with Abby’s hands finding that special spot in your back as if to say ‘she’s got you’.

You’ve heard of lesbians before. It was a new term but still far away from being a socially acceptable term. From an early age you knew you liked women. It was hard not to but you knew that it was either conform to society and marry a man, have a kid and a family or be an outcast and alone forever. However in this moment you were prepared to throw everything out of the window if it meant to be with her

Pulling back you panted keeping Abby close. “John’s gonna leave.. he says it’s because the office needs him but I know he’s going to fuck his secretary. Midnight come by at 12, I know he won’t be back til morning and June will be long asleep” stepping back from the woman you tried to fix your curls in the mirror on the liquor cabinet. “The back door will be unlocked for you”

“What are You saying” she chuckled fixing her shirt some, Abby’s cheeks were completely red. “You know what I’m saying..” looking back over at her, there was this unspoken agreement between you both.

“Ok. I’ll be back at 12:00am sharp” she gave a small smile, kissing you softly once again.

———

Just as You Said John had left soon after your father. Spending the next hour you put June to bed, now leaving you with three hours to get ready.

Once midnight came around Abby walked in through the back door of your house finding it unlocked like you promised. Making her way upstairs she stopped at your door. Hesitant like this was all some fucked up dream. After a small mental pep talk she softly knocked on the door before stepping in.

Stepping inside the woman paused. You stood by your bed wearing a black lingerie set. The simple black bra and silk shorts with fishnets underneath. A few candles were lit and your hair redone. Shyly standing fiddling with your hands.

“My god.” Abby spoke breathless as she closed the door. Walking to you she held your hips admiring your body. “I.. I tried, um.. I had originally got this for John and I’s sixth anniversary but I figured this was a much better occasion”

Abby leaned forward trailing soft kisses from your jaw to your lips. Her hands dragged up loving your skin while you kissed. Bitting your bottom lip you let out a soft moan allowing Abby to slip her tongue in.

The kiss repeating multiple times until she pushed you down onto the bed. Her knee finding itself between your legs. “Off” she whispered. “What?” You asked breathless. Abby hooked her finger under the bra strap pulling it down. Once realizing you quickly took the top off setting it aside.

The blonde kissed down your neck, finding her way to your breast. Licking over the sensitive nipple she smiled as you tried to hold back a moan. Sucking on your breast she showed the same love towards the other with her hand.

She rhymathically rubbed her knee against your aching core. Covering your mouth you tried your best to hide a loud cry. Feeling yourself grow wetter you couldn’t help but start to grind your hips against the woman’s leg.

“Abby..” you softly cried grabbing at her short mannish hair. “I know sweet girl I know” she whispered still kissing your chest. Switching her mouth to the second revelishing in the fact you never felt like this with your husband.

Letting go of your nipple with a pop like sound she stood up from where she previously was. Taking off her suspenders Abby made quick work of her button down and pants leaving her in her briefs and wife beater pleaser. Taking a moment to admire Abby’s muscular physique, you looked away embarrassed

Getting down into her knees she pulled you to the edge of the bed. Bringing your underwear and fishnet socks down Abby had to restrain herself from loosing control. After your daughter birth you never managed to loose all the pregnancy weight, your lower half of stomach having a noticeable pudge with dark stretch marks.

Feeling Abby’s eyes on you, you tried to hide your stomach with your hands however she forced them away. “Abby please it’s disgusting”

“Oh sweet sweet girl.. it’s the furthest thing from disgusting, baby I’m having to restrain myself even now from fucking your senseless. You are the most attractive woman I’ve ever laid eyes on”

Her words making you turn red. Embarrassed still you stopped resisting Abby’s gaze and let yourself relax. Watching as the woman positioned herself between you, she looked up asking for your permission. You nodded at first which she didn’t appreciate “common sweet girl I need you to give me a yes or I’m not doing anything”

“Yes damnit Abby” you whined. She grinned at your neediness, not wanting to make you wait any longer she leaned in kissing your clit.

A whole new feeling of pleasure courses through your body as you felt Abby start to suck on your sensitive bud. Lapping her tongue through your folds and even teasing your throbbing hole.

Trying to keep quiet you gave soft breathy moans while having a firm grip on her hair. Abby tightly held your thighs as she continued to sloppily lick at you, your juices running down her chin.

Abby looked up at you slapping your thigh to get your attention you looked down. Her free hand now running lines with her thumb over your sopping cunt. “You keep your eyes on me, if you don’t then I’ll stop” agreeing faster than you should of you kept your gaze down at the blonde

Abby knew she wasn’t one to deny you, almost immediately going back to what she had previously been doing.

After taking a few moments she slipped a finger into you. Moaning loud you covered your mouth worried your daughter might wake up. There was a momentarily pause where you both kept an ear out incase June had indeed woken up. You could feel Abby laughing against your leg making you softly hit you with your thigh.

She rolled her eyes before moving back down between your legs. Her thick finger moving in and out as she continued to suck on your clit you felt a long forgotten feeling building up. Abby knew you were close, by how your breath started to increase and how you started to grind yourself against her face wanting— needing more.

Before you realized it yourself you had came. Falling back as you had no strength to keep yourself up, Abby continued to lick at you until you were completely cleaned.

Coming back up she towered over you pinning you down to the bed capturing you in one final kiss.

———

Laying in your bed together both nude you laughed softly as abby held you close finding one of the dumb jokes she had told you amusing. Hiding your face in her neck you realized that this was where you always wanted to be. To be in her arms, to be in her bed, hearing her dumb jokes, To be her wife.

“Abby” you mumbled against her skin.

“Yeah” she Hummed while playing with one of your curls. “John’s gettin enlisted into the army for the war. He told me a week ago. He leaves in a few days.. while he’s gone if he comes back alive I’ll divorce him and if he dies it’ll make this next part easier.” You spoke with a gentle tone.

Pulling back from Abby you shifted around until you sat up looking down at her. “I’ve known you since I was 18.. the past 8 years I couldn’t of asked for a better friend and now I know what I want.. Abigail Anderson. I want you to be mine.. in public you will be my husband but behind closed doors, in the comfort of our home and in our bedroom away from prying eyes you will be my wife”

Abby stayed quiet for a moment. Trying to search her eyes for an answer you noticed as the strong woman started to cry. Worried you said something wrong you tried to speak but were quickly cut off by her sitting up to kiss you. “I would like nothing more then that.. my wife” she pulled you into her hugging you close.

[mvybanks]

say you won’t let go

a/n: final chapter!! thank you so much for reading this series, i hope you liked it!! (btw i have no idea how the whole custody thing works so just go along with it). if you want you can request blurbs for y/n and jj, maybe their future with adam or their relationship when they were teens, i’d be really curious to read those!!

check the series warnings —> series masterlist

chapter warnings: mentions of kidnapping

previous chapter—> CHAPTER VI

word count: 3.6k

my masterlist

CHAPTER VII

Y/N

“Yes, JB, for the last time: she’s okay. She’s sleeping, no, I’m not gonna wake her up, she needs to rest, yes, i’ll tell her, don’t worry.”

I snuggled closer into the hard chest beneath my head when I woke up the morning after probably the most terrifying day of my life. JJ’s soft voice almost lulled me back to sleep when I heard him say my brother’s name and I realized that he was whisper-yelling into his phone.

I lifted my head and looked up at him, the sight of his morning hair and his beautiful blue eyes made me smile and I swore I felt his pulse speeding up underneath my hands. I left a soft peck on his neck which made him kiss my forehead in return.

“Is that John B?” I asked as I could hear his voice through the phone.

He nodded, “he wants to talk to you. He saw what happened on the news and now he’s yelling at me because I didn’t call him last night.”

I grabbed his phone wordlessly and put him on speaker, “hey, Bird.”

“What the fuck happened? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Why the hell didn’t you call me-“

“Jeez, I just woke up, give me a break.” I interrupted him, trying to lighten up the mood but even JJ gave me a stern look. He knew how worried my brother was and he had every right to be.

“I was worried, Y/N. Do you know how fucking scary it was to find out that your little sister was almost kidnapped while you’re far away from her? I would’ve jumped on the first plane to see you if Kie hadn’t called me to tell me that you were alright.”

“Kie?”

JJ saw the confusion in my eyes and answered for my brother, “she’s in the living room with Pope and Adam. They came by around six in the morning, so basically as soon as they found out.”

“Bird, I’m sorry. You’re right, I should’ve called you. It was a very long night but I’m okay, I swear. Nothing happened to me.”

That was when I had finally registered John B’s words, “wait? Did you say ‘kidnapped’? What do you mean?”

“You don’t know? They’re saying that it’s a case of kidnap, that’s fucking scary.” I could hear the relief, but also the frustration, in his voice.

“I love you, you know that, right?” He continued and my heart broke.

“I love you, too, B. So much.”

After I had convinced him that I was, in fact, alright, we hung up and I could finally realize what had happened the previous night.

I let my whole body rest completely on JJ’s while his arms hugged me close to him, too scared to let go.

“When did you find out?” I asked him referring to the kidnapping part.

“When Kie and Pope arrived here. They had to calm me down when they told me. I thought she wanted to rob me or something, I didn’t—fuck—I didn’t know.”

He was about to cry and I had to wrap my arms tighter around him, reminding him that I was there with him.

“Adam and I are okay. Please, remember that. We’re here.” I put one of my hands under his shirt, hoping that the skin-on-skin contact would’ve helped him relax.

I looked up at him again and this time I kissed his lips, both of us sighing in each other’s mouth. His hands started to wander under his my top as well, the feeling of his warm palms on my naked skin made my head spin. Suddenly, he flipped us over, my back on the mattress and his body on top of mine as my legs wrapped around his waist. An unexpected moan left my mouth and he smirked.

“You know there’s people outside, right?” He mumbled against my lips.

“Shut up, it’s your fault.” I pushed him away but he quickly grabbed my hands that were on his chest and stopped me. He pecked my lips twice and then he sat up, still in between my legs.

“Later,” the look in his eyes was so intense I almost crumbled under his gaze.

“Doesn’t seem like you can wait, though.”

Now it was my time to smirk at him while my eyes traveled to the evident bulge in his pants. He bent down again to put his lips on my ear and nibble on my earlobe as I closed my eyes at the feeling.

“Later.”

He smiled, got off the bed and offered me his hand to do the same. I followed but before we walked out of my room I stopped him.

“Before any later activities happen…again, we should talk,” and the look in his eyes told me that he wasn’t happy about what I had just said.

“I thought I made myself clear last night, I don’t want to keep playing-“

“No, not that. I want this, J. I do, but we should have a serious talk. Between the adrenaline and the fear of having almost lost both me and Adam, you weren’t seeing clear last night. I just think that we-“ He took my face in his hands stopping me.

“I meant every word. Every single one of them, Y/N.” I nodded and put my hands on top of his.

“Okay, J. But you talked last night, I didn’t. That’s all I’m saying. I just need to talk to you about this and then we can have all of the later activities we want.” I smiled at him to let him know that whatever I wanted to tell him wasn’t going to change what had happened between us.

He kissed me and in that moment I knew that we were going to be okay.

When we left the room, his arm around my waist as he brought me closer to him, Adam was on the couch playing with an old stuffed toy of mine while Pope and Kie were making breakfast.

As soon as they saw us, they knew. They both grinned at us and I had to roll my eyes at their reactions.

“Good morning,” I said as I took the elastic that I always wore on my wrist and put my hair up, knowing that it probably looked like a bird nest by then. I had forgotten about the amount of hickeys that the man behind me had left on me the night before, until I saw my friends staring at my neck.

“Well, you sure had a good night.” Kie’s comment made me give her a death stare and suddenly both her and Pope were hugging me tightly.

“We were so scared, we came here as soon as we heard.”

I hugged them back. I hadn’t thought about how scary it must had been for them and I felt so lucky to have such amazing friends with me. When they were satisfied with the amount of ‘i’m okay’s I had said, they let go of me and began teasing me and JJ about the obvious marks on my skin.

“So did you fall?”

“I bet you burned yourself with your hair straightener.”

“Vampires?”

I rolled my eyes at them and tried to shush them as there was a five year old in the room with us.

“Are you done?” JJ asked, then walked to me again to wrap his arms around me from behind me and I let myself relax against his chest.

“You’re really not going to tell us what happened? What is going on between you two?”

I turned my head to face the blond man behind me and smiled at him, which he returned. What I didn’t expect was for him to bend down his head and kiss me in front of our friends. It was quick but it was the perfect answer to their incessant questioning.

“Does that answer your questions or do we have to keep talking about this?” The amusement in JJ’s voice was clear yet it was obvious that we were getting annoyed since we hadn’t talked about this properly yet and we sure didn’t want to do so in front of them.

I realized that I hadn’t heard Adam’s sweet voice yet that morning so I unwrapped myself from JJ’s grasp and walked to the couch where the little boy was playing in silent, which was so out of character.

He gave me a shy smile when I sat next to him and went back to the toy in his hands.

“You okay, bug?”

He only nodded without even looking at me and I was officially worried. I lifted him in my arms and sat him on my lap as I hugged him close.

“What’s up?”

JJ was already at my side and the concern in his eyes was obvious. He started smoothing Adam’s hair down with his hand as his nephew wouldn’t lift his head.

“Adam, buddy, can you tell us what’s going on? Are you hurt? You have to talk to us.”

That was when he bursted into tears, gripping my shirt as he cried into my chest.

“ ‘m sorry,” he kept saying but neither of us understood what had happened.

“Bug, what are you sorry about?” I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible since JJ was already panicking.

“I was bad and that lady wanted to take me away. I’ll be good, I swear!”

I stroked his cheek and made him look at me.

“You did nothing wrong. You’re the best kid in the whole world. You’re perfect, I promise you.”

He sniffled and nodded at me but he was clearly waiting for his uncle approval. JJ took him in his arms and kissed his forehead.

“We’re gonna find out what she wanted and nobody will ever take you away, you got it? Nobody.”

JJ

We went to the police station that morning and when they finally told us why it had been classified as a kidnapping case, I saw red.

“Are you sure you want to talk-“

“Yes.” I interrupted the officer who had asked me the same question for what it felt like the millionth time as he was taking me to her cell, Y/N silently walking behind us.

“You’ve got ten minutes.”

When she was in front of me, standing behind those bars, there was no doubt she had given birth to him. They had the same eyes and their features were so similar, but she wasn’t his mother, she had never been.

Y/N stayed a little bit far away from us and I was thankful for that because I knew I needed her but I had to do this alone.

“You must be JJ.”

Her voice was hoarse and it was so far from the sweet and soft voice of her son.

‘Her son’, even saying it sounded wrong.

“Stay away from my family.”

She smiled almost maniacally at me and it sent a shiver up my spine.

“He’s my son. I’m his mother.”

“His mother? You’ve lost the right to call yourself that when you abandoned him.” I spat at her and for a second I saw resentment in her eyes. But it was just a second.

“So what? You’re gonna raise him? I left him with his father, not you. The court would agree with me.”

‘The court’? What the hell had she done?

“Ricky would’ve left him to me if he had had the chance, not you. You want to know why I immediately got custody? Because I was the first and only family member that he had left. You weren’t there. I signed the papers. He’s legally under my custody.”

She shook her head, her eyes never leaving mine, and I didn’t know what had happened to that woman that had transformed her into an insane person.

“I’m his mother! He needs me! One day he will find out that you took him away from me and he will hate you for it.” She almost screamed and I was thankful that she couldn’t reach me with her hands because she was starting to scare me.

“He needs you? I don’t remember you being there when he crawled for the first time or the first time he walked, or his first words, you weren’t there when I had to sleep at Ricky’s for months to help him with a newborn. You weren’t there for his first day of preschool either, were you? And I sure as hell don’t remember you being there for him when his dad died and he thought he was alone, you didn’t have to hold him all night to reassure him that you were never going to leave him. So don’t you even dare say that he needs you.”

My face was probably red from the anger but I didn’t care. He was more my son than hers and she had no right to tell me that he needed her. I suddenly felt a hand wrapping around my arm and when I turned around Y/N was there. She gave me a reassuring smile and stroked my arm trying to calm me down.

“We should leave. You just have to sign some forms and then we can get home, okay?”

I nodded, then I looked at the woman in the cell behind me and she didn’t remind me of Adam anymore. His eyes were bigger and full of innocence and adoration, his smile was shy or full of mischief just like mine, and his laugh sounded so much like his dad’s that sometimes it made my heart ache, but he didn’t look like her.

“A child needs a mother,” were the last words she said before turning her back on me.

“What he needs is love and support and he gets all of it from us everyday.”

When we arrived to our apartment, we spent the rest of the day with Adam, playing with his toys and watching his favorite movies. Just the three of us.

It felt so domestic and comfortable that I wanted everyday to look like that afternoon.

Once he had fallen asleep on the couch with us, I brought him on his bed and tucked him under the covers. I went back into the living room and Y/N’s eyes were already on me with a strange look on her face.

“Is it time for that talk?” I asked.

“Come here,” she patted the spot next to her on the couch and I obliged.

“Listen,” she said, “before we make it official, I need you to understand something: I don’t want to lose you. Whatever happens between us you have to promise me we’ll always be there for each other.”

I took her hands in mine, “of course, princess. You’re never gonna get rid of me.”

She shook her head and smiled, “I mean it, J. It doesn’t matter how nasty of a breakup it’ll be, when it happens-“

“If,” I corrected her immediately and she looked at me confused.

“What?”

“If we break up, not when.”

“Relationships end.”

“Not always. Princess, I have been waiting for this since the first moment you smiled at me, you stole my heart and I don’t want you to ever give it back to me. I love you and even though you scare the shit out of me, I wouldn’t change one thing about us. I meant it when I said that I want to spend every single day with you, I want you forever.”

She leaned in and touched my forehead with hers, our noses bumping together.

“What do you mean I scare you? You’re the one who’s telling me that he wants to be with me forever and I scare you?”

I chuckled, “yes, you scare me. It scares me how much I love you and it scares me that I don’t know what you’re thinking, I don’t know how you feel but I’m okay with that. I get that love is scary sometimes-“

I was interrupted by the crashing of her lips on mine, silencing me. I almost pushed her down her back when she stopped me.

“You want to know what I’m thinking? I’m absolutely terrified, J. Every single relationship I’ve ever been in I’ve never taken them seriously because I knew I wasn’t going to end up with them. I knew it was going to be you. Do you realize that I love you so much that I was willing to stay your friend and be unhappy for the rest of my life because I didn’t want to lose you? I love you, J. I’ve always had. But I need you to understand that I can’t bear the thought of losing you, so please just say it.”

My heart was about to jump out of my chest when I asked, “say what, princess?”

“That you won’t let go. And that you won’t let me ruin this with my stupid fears. Please.”

“I won’t. You’re it for me. I’m done with anyone, I only want you.”

She took a deep breathe and then said, “so we’re really doing this?”

“We’re doing this, baby.”

And she finally kissed me again. I let her back fall on the couch pillows as her legs wrapped instinctively around my middle.

“Wait, wait, one more thing.”

I groaned against her lips and she giggled while cradling my face in her hands, forcing me to look her in the eyes.

“You’re my boyfriend now, right?”

I licked my lips as I couldn’t stop the smile forming on them, “yes, princess, I’m your boyfriend.”

“And I’m your girlfriend?”

“Damn right you are!”

Y/N

John B was the only one who didn’t know about JJ and me yet. Once we had made things official, we had told Pope and Kie who weren’t surprised one bit but they were happy for us.

We had even told Adam.

“What does that mean?” He had asked us when we had given him the news.

“It means that I can kiss her whenever I want now,” JJ had said with a sly smile which had gained him a slap on the chest from me.

“It also means that I will spend even more time here.”

“Really?” His voice was full of surprise and hope.

“Yes, bug. Are you okay with that?” And in a heartbeat he had literally jumped into my arms.

When John B had gotten back from his trip with Sarah, we had spent the day together but I didn’t think it was fair to give him a stroke with the news, especially because he was still worried about what had happened when he was gone.

It was two days later since he had came back and I knew it was time to talk to him. JJ and I got to the chateau, he gave me a reassuring smile and then we opened the front door.

My brother was standing in the kitchen, making himself breakfast, when he heard us come in.

“Good morning. You guys want some coffee?”

I shook my head, “B, can you sit down for a second?”

He furrowed his eyebrows but he did as I had asked, “what’s going on?”

“JJ wanted to tell you something,” I said pushing my boyfriend in front of me as his look screamed ‘betrayal’.

“Coward,” he whispered, then he looked at John B who was trying to understand what was going on.

“JB,” he continued, “listen, I don’t want you to get mad at us but I guess it’s inevitable so I’m just gonna say it: Y/N and I are in a relationship now.”

He blinked, “what?”

“We’re together. A relationship. She’s my girlfriend-“

“My best friend and my sister? My best friend and my little sister?” He stood up and started walking to where we were standing.

“C’mon, it’s impossible that you didn’t think that this was going to happen,” JJ said as he was trying to calm him down and failing miserably.

“You promised, JJ. I can’t believe this, you slept with my sister!”

“We were kids, John B! Are you serious? I’m in love with her, I’ve always been. Were you blind or something? I’m pretty sure the whole island knew.”

I interlaced JJ’s fingers with mine and looked at my brother, whose eyes were focused on our hands joined together.

“I’m in love with him, too, JB. Believe me when I say that we’re not rushing into this.”

His gaze was finally on me, “JJ, I swear to God, if you hurt her, I’ll kill you.”

“And I’d let you but I won’t hurt her. That’s my new promise, JB.”

EPILOGUE

JJ

It’s been a month since Y/N and I got together and things couldn’t be better. She moved in with me and Adam after the first week. She was already always there and it made sense for us.

My nephew and I were thrilled, he adores her and I couldn’t wait to spend even more time with her. It took a while for John B to get used to us, he still fake gags when he sees us together but we all know that it’s all an act.

Today’s sunday and Y/N took the day off to be with me and Adam. We’re lying on the beach as my nephew plays with the sand in front of us. She’s sitting between my legs with her back against my chest and my arms around her, holding her close to me. I kiss her naked shoulder and I feel her relax even more against me.

“You okay?” I whisper with my lips on her neck.

“Perfect.”

She places her hand on the back of my neck and turns her head to face me. She leans in and kisses me as I smile into her mouth.

“I can’t kiss you if you keep smiling like that,” she fake pouts at me.

“Sorry, can’t help it.”

She shakes her head in disbelief and I start leaving quick pecks all around her face while she laughs.

“I love you, princess,” I whisper as she calms down and relaxes against me again.

“I love you, J.”

taglist:

@writingjjfics @pinkydevil16

[astranite]

'Cause I'm Gonna Stand By You (And hey, if your wings are broken, please take mine 'til yours can open too)

Virgil finds Scott when he needs him. They are there for each other through thick and thin.

Emotional hurt/comfort, crying and hugs. Warning for references to depression.

Title from Stand By You, by Rachel Platten.

---

Scott awoke to scuffing footsteps and the door to his room opening. 

Even with his eyes closed he knew the sound of the socked feet on his floor with heavy steps trying to keep quiet. Even half awake he knew the silhouette of broad shoulders and sleep mussed curls. 

He knew Virgil, whether it was in the pitch black of a cave where dust choked the air and the rumbling of unstable rubble consumed everything, or the dark of their island with only the hush of waves and the occasional cry of nocturnal animals. Of course he knew Virgil. 

Scott shuffled over to make room before the quiet voice had to ask. 

Virgil lay down next to him, curled on his side, facing Scott. A hint of light from beyond the gap between the curtains caught on tear tracks. 

Scott reached out and rested a hand on Virgil’s upper arm, rubbing gently. 

“Hey Virge, what’s up?” he asked, in the big brother tone he brought out when anyone was sick or hurt or just needed him. 

He felt Virgil shrug. He heard the slight hitch of breath as another tear rolled down his cheek. 

“One of those nights?” 

They all had them, where rescues got to them or the past dragged its way up to the surface. Sometimes they had them for not much reason at all. Those nights were always raw and painful. 

Virgil hesitated then nodded. 

Scott gathered him up and held him close because he didn’t need anything else to know that right now Virgil needed him. 

The hand on Virgil’s arm was thrown over him, landing to make circles between his tense shoulders, the other going around him to pull him in. Virgil ducked his head so he could tuck it beneath Scott’s chin. Scott took a deep breath in at the same moment Virgil choked on a shaky sigh. 

That Virgil came to him, when he was scared and lonely and hurting, Scott knew it was the biggest act of trust on Virgil’s part. Scott had his I’m fines, his must keep going no matter the cost because there’s no other options , but Virgil had his own ways of hiding the hurt, through smiles, soft words and looking out for all the others. It made it all the harder to realise when Virgil’s music had stopped, when he needed someone to be there, to lean on because steady and steadfast weren't any longer. 

The times when they ended up curled together like when they were kids, both too big for it but never going to give it up, were the most precious to Scott. 

Together they could talk about anything and everything, even the hard things: the failed missions, the ones that haunted their dreams, the fears that sunk in their teeth and wouldn't let go; all the doubts and insecurities of never being able to be good enough. How dad wasn't there and mum wasn't either, and Alan was growing up far too fast. 

It extended to the smaller things too. They could laugh at their own stupid jokes that only made sense to them because it was all based off of some line in a tv show they’d watched years back. He could blurt out whatever came into his head, even as mundane as the thought that they’d run though the islands supply of hair gel and needed to go grocery shopping again . It was those mundanities making up the fabric of everyday life. If he and Virgil had got the giggles over that, as maybe they were both the biggest contributors, it was late and no one was watching. Scott didn’t have to keep up his neverending act with Virgil.

They’d discuss Gordon’s latest marine rescue, both of them were ridiculously proud of their little brother and how far he’d come but it was hard to keep a straight face talking about a shark named Gummy.

Watching out for John too, that was another big thing they did, in whispered plans and observations they shared like grown up, serious childhood secrets, to make sure 35,786km up didn't turn into a million miles away. 

Being close to Virgil felt safe. Always had. Whether they were cocooned in the belly of a Thunderbird or a thermal tent in the middle of the arctic. And here, in a tangled hug, half-smothered under Scott’s mounds of blankets.

There were quiet, vulnerable moments, chests and foreheads pressed together.

Other times had them sleeping back to back because Scott was in the midst of a string of nightmares he couldn't shake and rest came easier with someone’s sleep-calm breathing to anchor his own to.

Virgil would flop down heavily on Scott’s bed while still coated in paint from late-night art sessions.  He’ve been trying to get rough rescues or dark moods out of his head but when that wasn't working he’d come to Scott.

There was the time, definitely not times, where Scott had been on mission shifts for 36 hours plus and there were still reports he had to fill and everyone needed him, but Virgil dragged him to bed and lay down on top of him because apparently he’d been being a bit of a ‘stubborn, self-sacrificing idiot,’ and Virgil wasn't standing for it any longer.

Sometimes John was with them too. They were the eldest three and had to stick together to look out for the younger ones. 

Or its was just John coming to Scott, usually grounded and dizzily space sick, missing his stars. John was of his two worlds, his two homes, but Scott knew up there he also missed them and still needed to be close enough to be in their orbit. Sometimes that meant wrapped up in a hug. 

Alan came to him, of course Alan did, he had ever since he’d been a tiny, kicking and wriggling toddler crawling into Scott’s bed because there were monsters under his own or that Scott’s blankets were better, or whatever it was that night. Now Alan was a jumble of lanky limbs with all the normal fears about exams and being liked by his peers, plus too many others from sights that a teenager should never have to see.

Gordon too ended up cuddled into Scott’s side on bad nights, when a silent, tearful Gordon, hurting in more ways than one needed his big brother to be there. Hydrofoil or back flare up, WASP service or rescues, Scott would always be there when the Squid lost his sunshine. 

The last time his brothers had all ended up in a big puppy pile on Scott’s bed was on movie night. The couches had been too covered in glitter from a prank gone wrong, or right, depending on who you asked. Though that was more of an excuse given how popular the game of stacks on Scott   was, which always ended up as group hug heap amongst his siblings. He loved it.

Right now though, Virgil was trembling in his arms. He started humming near silently, a low thread of vibration, nearly tuneless. Except for that Scott knew it was the same pitch as Thunderbird Two’s colossal engines, something he never would have picked up on his own except for Virgil trusting him enough to tell him when one day he asked. He’d connected it as a thing his brother did when he was distressed but Virgil himself had been the key to learning he did it because it was calming. 

More tears slipped down Virgil’s face. Scott could hear Virgil’s every swallow and sniffle as he tried to hold them back. 

Scott’s hand found Virgil’s hair, carding it through, tangling his fingers in the soft curls in hopes that he could give some comfort to his brother. 

Virgil’s humming rose in pitch, the sound of Two’s engines straining to hold up the load. The tune wavered and shook as Virgil did, being dropped and picked up over and over as Virgil faltered.

Then it stopped. Scott held his breath. 

Virgil sobbed.  

He sobbed like something deep inside him had broken. Like the earth itself had been split open. As if Virgil had been hit in the stomach by the worst kind of gut punch. 

Scott could hear Virgil’s world falling down on his head and how he didn't know whether he could stand the weight of it.

This was Virgil, his brother, his best friend so it hurt to all hells because Scott had been here too, he knew how painful this was. He was being stabbed through the heart because he felt Virgil’s pain but all he could do was keep holding onto Virgil. What was causing this? Why now? He wanted to fix this but this wasn't a problem he could just fix . 

Virgil pressed closer to Scott and for the thousandth, millionth time Scott promised the entire universe everything he had that he would take care of his little brother. Against the overwhelming tide, he was helpless. It wasn’t swallowing him, no matter how he’d trade places in an instant to take away his brother’s pain but it had Virgil in its grasping jaws.

He could only keep raggedly whispering, “ I’vegotyouI’vegotyouI’vegotyou,” into the dark.

With every broken breath, Scott worried Virgil was shaking apart with sobs. The image of rivets making their way loose and panels falling off of aircraft slammed into his mind. Of a Thunderbird falling from the sky instead of being brought safely back to earth. 

Scott hated having to witness any of his brothers feeling like this but he hated the idea of them going through it alone infinitely more.

Virgil was trying to hum, even now. The music, Virgil’s music was drowning under an ocean of tears. But Virgil still tried to hum.

Until he didn’t.

The dead silence was worse. 

Virgil whimpered and kept crying, exhausted and limp in Scott’s arms. Scott felt his own tears slowly trailing warm down his face. 

His hands were caught up in brushing through Virgil’s hair, fingertips touching his forehead gently, and holding on tight to Virgil. Muscles twitched and shuddered beneath the palm splayed out on his brother’s back. 

Virgil was a quiet  person in general but he was rarely ever silent. He was always humming or singing snatches of melodies, muttering song lyrics or engineering calculations aloud and tapping his fingers on the nearest surface in the patterns of piano notes. His voice was a soothing, musical rumble constantly accompanying them as it wove through their days. 

The times Virgil had stopped singing, stopped playing, had been some of the worst of Scott’s life too. This was Virgil , Scott didn't think he’d ever know how to go on without Virgil.

So Scott took over the tune. He did his best to match Virgil’s, to match Thunderbird Two’s. Maybe he wasn't getting the pitch quite right but he could try. For Virgil, he could try. 

He poured everything he had into it. All his breath, all his hope, all his love. Everything, to hold a steady hum even as he trembled too.

Because it was all Scott could do: hold onto Virgil, let him cry himself out, keep him safe. 

Hold onto his music, keep it alight until Virgil could take it back again. 

And maybe it helped, maybe it did something that wasn't nothing. Maybe , Scott hoped. Surviving and keeping going was still all on Virgil. This wasn’t something Scott could take away from him, no matter how he wished he could reshape the world to weigh lighter on Virgil’s shoulders. 

But his brother was here, because he trusted Scott so much that he came to him when he was most vulnerable and felt safe enough to fall apart. Scott could make sure he didn’t have to go through this alone.

A long time passed before Virgil started humming back, beginning as a low noise, deep in his chest, occasionally broken by lingering sobs. The sound blended with Scott’s attempts to hum, like One and Two’s engines roaring as they flew side by side, close enough you couldn’t distinguish them as separate. 

They were a messy tangle of tears and limbs, clinging to each other, but they were together and here and alive.

-

Scott was humming too. Not a song, but in the same way Virgil did. To comfort him .

The noise soaked into him as Virgil took in the sensations he was surrounded by: Scott’s tight hug, one he could lean into; a gentle hand tangled in his hair, familiar in how it caught him when he fell and held on; and the utter sense of safety that came from having his big brother close. It felt like home.

His body ached with the aftermath of emotion, leaden as it dragged him down, but he managed to move close enough to press his forehead to his brother’s.

Virgil opened his eyes, blinking through the tears gumming them shut. The first sight he saw was Scott, the tear-filled, bright, blue eyes of his big brother who loves him.

[mirrorballtales]

Current Top Thirteen Songs I’m Listening to and the Reasons Why I Think You Should Listen to Them Too 💜☀️⛱️🏰⚡️(in no particular order)

1. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince by Taylor Swift It’s been a looooooooong time coming. I am sorry but this being the opening intro to The Eras Tour is so iconic. I could watch that every single night and cry every single time. I cannot believe I’ll get to experience it twice!!! 🩷

2. I Did Something Bad by Taylor Swift “IF A MAN TALKS SHIT THEN I OWE HIM NOTHING.” “They’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one. SO LIGHT ME UP!!!” One of the best live performances ever and definitely the best one in Rep Tour 🖤 🐍

3. Electric Touch (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift God this is one of the best vault tracks. It’s like early 2000s again. You’re on a first date. You’re watching a romcom. You’re absolutely head over heels for the guy or girl. You’re scared. But you take the chance. “ITS EIGHT OH FIVE AND I SEE TWO HEADLIGHTS!!!” 💜

4. Foolish One (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift “Foolish one the day is gonna come for your confessions of love.” 💜 I am so lucky I did not have access to this in High School. ACTUALLY, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if she had released this from the vault back then. “YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION. YOU WILL NEVER LEARN YOUR LESSON.” Cue the tears!!! The last lines when she sings that. Please I break down.

5. seven by Taylor Swift It’s just beautiful and inspiring. 💚 “And I’ve been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad.”

6. illicit affairs by Taylor Swift “DON’T CALL ME KID. DON’T CALL ME BABY.” I need this song injected into my veins. 💚

7. august by Taylor Swift “SALT AAAAAAIR AND THE RUST ON YOUR DOOR.” I get to hear this, live, in August. Yes I win. 💚

8. Mastermind by Taylor Swift “I’m only cryptic and Machiavellian cause I care” oh I think I wrote this song ;). Yup. I am a mastermind. “You see all the wisest women had to do it this way. . .” 💙🌙

9. Timeless (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift I thought Lover was her most romantic song but this wins. It’s another beautiful vault track. This is for the history girlies. 💜

10. You’re On Your Own Kid by Taylor Swift “I HOSTED PARTIES AND STARVED MY BODY LIKE I’D BE SAVED BY THE PERFECT KISS.” 💙🌙

11. False God by Taylor Swift Listen I Can See You is totally her wanting to f*ck that man. Physical. But False God? Oh it’s subtle. It’s sexy. It’s raw. Carnal. Familiar. It’s a cosmic connection. The worshipping of bodies and souls. It’s deeper. “We might just get away with this. . .” 🩷

12. Dear John (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift Her older voice is my undoing. I break down each and every time. I wish I could tell her how much this song means to me. It truly cradled me in my loneliest nights and saved me in all the ways one can be saved. “Don’t you think I was too young to be messed with. The girl in the dress cried the whole way home. I should have known.” 💜

13. Don’t You (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift This is my number one vault song. And my number 2 all time favorite song. I am sooooo glad I did not have access to this in high school. “I swore I wouldn’t do this.” “Don’t you say you miss me if you don’t want me again.” 🧡

**Bonus songs I rotate with a song from the list above

• Hits Different by Taylor Swift Love this vault track from Midnights. The bridge kills me. CATASTROPHIC BLUES! ARGUMENTATIVE ANTITHETICAL DREAM GIRL 💙🌙

•Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift Just listen to it. Crossing that bridge with Taylor will be the highlight of my life! 🩷

•Call It What You Want by Taylor Swift Do you guys realize she references Castles Crumbling in this song, like, “my castle crumbled overnight.” I am going to throw up. I WANT TO WEAR HIS INITIAL ON A CHAIN ‘ROUND MY NECK CHAIN ‘ROUND MY NECK, NOT BECAUSE HE OWNS ME BUT CAUSE HE REALLY KNOWS ME. I RECALL LATE NOVEMBER HOLDING MY BREATH SLOWLY I SAID YOU DON’T NEED TO SAVE ME BUT WOULD YOU RUNAWAY WITH ME 🖤🐍

•So It Goes by Taylor Swift “You did a number on me but honestly baby who’s counting?” Obsessed!🖤🐍

•Treacherous (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift No explanation. It’s a masterpiece. “And I’ll do anything you say if you say it with your hands.” ♥️

•Long Live (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift It will sound like gatekeeping, and I promise I am not, BUT, I truly believe you had to have been there from the start to truly appreciate what this song means. To hear this live 12 years ago, and now that it’s hers again, she added to the setlist. I cry. She literally wrote it for us, her fans. This really shows how she does it for us. I get choked up every time. If you didn’t defend her in 2014 when Kim and Kanye lied then sorry you can’t claim this song. I don’t make the rules :) “HOLD ON TO SPINNING AROUND. CONFETTI FALLS TO THE GROUND. MAY THESE MEMORIES BREAK OUR FALL. WILL YOU TAKE A MOMENT? PROMISE ME THIS. THAT YOU’LL STAND BY ME FOREVER BUT IF GOD FORBID FATE SHOULD STEP IN. AND FORCE US INTO A GOODBYE. IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN SOME DAY. WHEN THEY POINT TO THE PICTURES, PLEASE TELL THEM MY NAME. TELL THEM HOW THE CROWDS WENT WILD. TELL THEM HOW I HOPE THEY SHINE. LONG LIVE THE WALLS THAT CRASHED THRU. I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE WITH YOU!” 🏰💜🐉

•Back to December (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift Taylor Lautner remains the best ex-bf ever. And the only one to receive an apology song. One of the best written songs ever. Sorry but TEAM JACOB! 💜

•This Love (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift I could drift into a peaceful slumber with this song. 💙🕶️

•Daylight by Taylor Swift “And I can still see it all in my mind. All of you all of me intertwined.” 🩷

•Picture to Burn by Taylor Swift OH SHE WAS ANGRY. Her twang is so cute. CLASSIC COUNTRY TAY. And she sounds so young. One of the best songs from her debut album. I can’t wait for this re-record. 🦋🩵 BURN BURN BURN BABY BURN!

•New Romantics by Taylor Swift “PLEASE TAKE MY HAND AND PLEASE TAKE ME DANCING AND PLEASE LEAVE ME STRANDED ITS SOOOOO ROMANTIC.” Oh the way I listen to this and just love being young(ish). 💙🕶️

[theshelbyclan]

Horse Thieves

Summary: The Shelby siblings are still building their imperium, and they need a horse to do it.

(Gif by @madshelby​)

A/N: I asked around a bit and people wanted to read a lot more about Teddy, so I decided to use this request by one lovely anon: Hello! I've never done a request for a fic before so please excuse me if this isn't the right way to do it 🙈 But I noticed your requests were open and read the prompts list you linked to for Shelby sister prompts - so can I request something that incorporates 7.“car. Now”, 8.“what story do you want tonight” and 14.“your heading the right way for a smacked backside”. Thank you! I decided to base this on this idea I had in the longer Teddy series, where she refers to a time when she stole a horse with Tommy. So see this as a prequel if you will, set before the series. Words: 2773

*** “Whatever you do, you’re not using Finn.” “I won’t…” “I mean it, Thomas,” Aunt Polly warned, “You’ve only been back for five minutes from France and I will not have you endangering my nephew, after I’ve kept him safe for fucking four years.” 

Tommy sighed, “Yes, I understand.” Polly looked at her nephew with a distrustful gaze, “Why do we need the horse?” “Betting’s down,” he slowly lit a cigarette, “We need our own. A horse that looks good. Convinces people to lay a bet.” She had to agree with that, “Where will you go?” “To the place where people most expect a horse to be stolen.” “Why?” “Hide in plain sight,” he pointed, “you taught me that.” “I thought I taught you everything…” Polly mused sternly. Tommy nodded slowly, “Maybe. And now I’m acting on it…” After a short pause, he said, “I’m gonna do it, Pol. I’ll make this family rich. Trust me.” “What about the little ones?” “I’m doing this for them, alright, so that they won’t have to grow up like we did!” Fire was burning in his eyes when he spoke, but Polly had never seen him quite like this. He was different these days. After pondering for a while, she said, “So tell me where.” Tommy took a deep breath, knowing she’d disapprove, “The fair.” “For fuck’s sake, Thomas!” *** “WELCOME TO THE FAIR!” Arthur bellowed, which scared most people in his vicinity away, but it made Teddy, who was used to it, literally jump for joy. Arthur grinned broadly and lifted his little sister up onto his shoulders, shouting, “Now look here, sweet girl, this is where we bloody come from and don’t you forget it!” “Arthur, can I have a candied apple?” Teddy asked him, knowing he wouldn’t refuse her anything when he was in a mood like this. “You can have all the apples, Teddy!” he replied with a grand gesture. John came walking besides them and quietly said to his brother, “They’re here.” “Good,” Arthur said uncharacteristically gently, and he lifted Teddy off his shoulders again, “Tommy’s in place.” “What about Finn, Arthur?” he said, playing with his toothpick. Arthur winked at his suddenly much younger brother, “Don’t worry, brother. He’s off playing with the Boswell kids. He’ll be no bloody trouble.” John grinned down at Teddy, “Unlike this one!” “You know why, John?” Teddy asked cheekily, “Because Finn is like Arthur, but I am like you!” John laughed manically out loud and Arthur bellowed, “She’s fucking right!” “How about that apple, Arthur?” Teddy asked innocently, quickly adding a, “Please?” “Wait here, princess.” As they continued walking, John took Teddy’s hand in his and said to her, “Look at all the horses, Teddy. Maybe one day you could have one of your own.” “But I already have the pony you gave me when you came back,” she looked up with adoring eyes. It was no secret that Teddy had four heroes in life, and those were her brothers. He looked down, “Yeah, but one day you’ll have a horse. Promise.” “John?” she asked, suddenly serious, “You won’t go away again, will you?” “Go where? Why would I leave my favourite little girl!” “You did before…” John stopped and turned to her, “Listen, that was the war… You know I don’t like talking about that…” “I know…” “But the war’s over. No more fucking mud for us, alright?” he said earnestly. He tried desperately to hide the pain he felt. Teddy nodded. “I’m sorry,” John blurted out all of a sudden, “I’m sorry we left you. We didn’t know… what it’d be… we thought it would be…” he simply couldn’t find the words. “I know,” she interrupted him in a high voice, “It’s okay. Just don’t do it again, alright?” “Alright,” he smiled. Then he changed his tone again, happy to switch subjects, “Now, what story do you want tonight?” “One about a horse!” “How about we get you a real one?” John suggested light-heartedly.

Teddy giggled because she thought he was joking, slipped her hand into his again and started skipping. Then she looked over at Arthur, who was just in the process of stealing an apple for her. It was good to have her brothers back again. 

“Teddy?” John asked, “think you could do something for me?” “Like what?” “Tommy needs our help.” “With what?” her eyebrows shot up. John coughed once and waited for Arthur to join them, “Eat your apple. And listen, Tommy needs us to help him with something.” Mouth full of candied apple, “whaff kinf of somefingff?” “Just do as we tell you to,” John explained, “and then Tommy’ll tell you what to do.” Arthur nodded, “He’s already instructed us.” “Arthur,” John became unsure, “Are we really involving our eight-year-old sister in this?” “She’ll be fine, John-boy! She’s fucking smart, she is.” “I am,” Teddy replied proudly. The candied apple was nearly gone already.

“Alright, Teddy-girl, you listen to me, yeah?” John bend down to her level, “I need you to pretend you got lost, or maybe ask for help, or cry! Can you cry?” Teddy sniffled a little, “I’m not sure,” she then said in her normal voice. “Don’t worry if you can’t! Just scream a lot, alright?” “Wait!” she said, “Give me a second….” And she pouted her lips again, scrunched up her nose and suddenly tears were falling down her cheeks. “Bloody hell…” Arthur mumbled, as he turned to John, “you fucking created a monster.” “I’m crying!” Teddy said triumphantly through her tears, “Now what?” John shook her head to banish the emotions he felt over seeing his baby sister cry, “Go to Tommy.” Teddy quickly darted off and went in search of her other brother. When she found him, she announced herself with, “Look, Tommy, real tears!” “What the fuck?” Tommy replied in shock, “What happened, tell me now!” “Nothing!” she quipped, “John made me.”   “I’ll fucking kill him,” her brother said automatically, “Did he throw you up in the air again?” Teddy grinned, “No, and besides that doesn’t make me cry…” “It did when you broke your arm.” She waved a disinterested hand, “Fine. But I mean he told me to cry because you needed a disattraction! “Distraction.” “Yes!” Tommy knelt down and said in a hushed voice, “Alright, first things first, you can never, ever tell Aunt Polly about this, do you hear me?” Teddy nodded obediently. “I mean it Teddy. She’ll have my fucking balls…” A high voice replied, “Which balls?” He sighed deeply again, regretting his words intensely, “Listen to me, eh? Don’t tell Aunt Pol.” “I will,” but a vague twinkle had come into Teddy’s eyes the second she realised her big tough brother was scared of Aunt Polly too.

Tommy lifted up Teddy and she rested on his hip, hugged close by his arm. She could vaguely smell his hair, his cigarette and a whiff of horse on him. This was her brother, who’d been gone for two whole years. She was only little when he’d gone, but Teddy remembered she cried a lot. All she ever wanted at night was for John to play with her and for Arthur to sit with her and for Tommy to tell her stories. She and Finn used to curl up together and cry. But now he was home, not the same, but still home.

“See them?” Tommy pointed, with a smile playing about his lips like he used to have all the time before the war, “See that family?” Teddy followed his hand with her eyes, “Yeah, the ones with the man with the blue scarf?” “That’s the one,” he nodded, “I need you to distract them.” “Why?” “So I can take their horse.” Teddy turned to face Tommy, and as she grinned, his face lit up as well, “Are we going to steal the horse, Tommy?” Teddy whispered excitedly. “Yes.” She lowered her voice even more, “just you and me?” Softly, he planted a kiss on her head, “Can’t do it without you…” Couldn’t do any of this without you here, he thought, but didn’t say it. “Alright,” he continued, “I’m going to talk to the man with the scarf. Meanwhile, John and Arthur are going to pick a fight with some other men, over by the candied apples, you see?” “That’s why I got an apple…” Teddy mused, slightly disappointed. Tommy quickly got her attention back, “I’ll be talking to him about this other family I know,” he waved a hand, “it’ll be something useless, but I’ll get him to walk away. John-boy is itching to punch someone, so he will, don’t get scared, alright?” Teddy frowned, “I’m not scared of John.” “Now, you see that horse, the black one, by the water?” She peered through the crowd of people and finally caught a glimpse of the beauty. Her eyes lit up in a way that only the Shelby’s eyes light up when looking at a horse. “There’s two boys with him. I need you to go to them. Make sure they walk away from the horse.” “Tommy…” Teddy thought out loud, “Won’t they know it was us?” He smirked at his sister’s intellect, “No. They don’t know us. Besides, they’re feuding with another family here. There’s a war coming, but we won’t be involved this time. Don’t worry about it, eh?” “Why are they fighting, Tommy?” she was not letting it go so easily. “Because I made it happen.” Then he walked a few feet so that they were both hidden from sight, “Now, I need you to distract the boys, and maybe some of the women as well. Cry, if you can, and if anything goes wrong, scream. I know you’re good at that…” “Who will take the horse?” “Johnny Dogs will. He’s close by,” Tommy leaned his forehead onto Teddy’s, “Think you can do it?” “Yes!” “Not too scared?” “Never!” Teddy replied enthusiastically, which slightly worried Tommy, but instead he said, “Go on.” So Teddy walked out behind the tent on her own and started thinking sad thoughts, just to make the tears come easily later on. There wasn’t much need for them though, because as soon as she approached the boys who were washing the horse, one called out, “Piss off!” “Fuck you!” Teddy replied in a flash, “This is free land and I’m a free woman!” she heard Aunt Polly say that once, “I’ll go where I fucking please!” One of the boys pushed her and angrily Teddy shoved him back. Then the second one came for her, and Teddy suddenly remembered her mission. So against all of her instincts, she let herself be pushed to the ground and started howling as soon as she landed. Immediately heads turned and Teddy cried like she hadn’t done in two years, “They pushed me!” But somewhere from out the corner of her eye, she saw Arthur arguing with someone and John landing a punch, almost in slow-motion, and she knew everything went according to plan. “Did not!” the boy protested nervously, “she started it!” Teddy curled up a little and held onto her leg like it was hurting, while trying to make herself as small as possible, “It hurts…” “What have you done!” a strange woman called out to one of the boys, who shrunk visibly as soon as he heard her voice, “fighting little girls now, are you?!” “I didn’t, ma! She started it!” but before he could finish his sentence, he’d gotten the first smack around the head. One down, one more to go. So Teddy upped the tears and it worked beautifully: the second boy didn’t wait for his mother to hear, but decided to run instead. Slowly, Teddy started to calm down, because if she just stood up now and showed it was all fake, everything would’ve been for nothing. She made that mistake once with Finn, and she wouldn’t be doing so again. After about a minute, chaos had descended on the fair. Men were fighting, Tommy was making an already nervous man simply anxious and this side of the camp was almost deserted. But where was Johnny? Teddy got up and hid near the beautiful horse. And then she saw him: somehow Johnny had ended up in the middle of the fight as well. This could ruin everything! “Come,” Teddy beckoned, “Come here! I promise I won’t hurt you…” and much to her own surprise, the horse obeyed. She untied the reigns and like he’d always been hers, he followed her down into the river. Teddy swam a little, wondered for only a second what Aunt Polly would say, and then climbed up onto the horse’s back in the water. From there on, she made a quick decision and urged the horse on. The river was low and couldn’t be seen all the way from the camp, so she kept the route of invisibility. After a while, she spurred the horse on and he climbed the riverside, with the tiny load still on his back. From this distance, Teddy could still see the fair, but because of the trees she was certain they couldn’t see her. “Now what?” she asked the horse, because she hadn’t really thought this through. In reply it neighed. “Shh!” Teddy scolded, “you want me to get caught?” So she steered the horse by its manes and made her way to where the family car was parked. With some luck, everyone else would still be too busy fighting. *** “Teddy!” Teddy turned her head and saw her brothers running, with sheer panic in their eyes. “Where the fuck were you?” Tommy demanded. Teddy shrunk a little at the anger in his voice, “I didn’t know where to go so I went here…” “Car. Now!” Tommy fumed. “That was actually smart, Tom,” Arthur defended her. Tommy ran a hand through his hair and sighed, “I thought something happened to you… That’s why I tell you not to leave my fucking side!” “I’m sorry…” she whimpered and tears started forming in her eyes again. “Don’t even try that,” John joked, “We know you can pretend now.” Looking caught, Teddy tried to hide the smile she shared with John. “That’s it, Tom,” Arthur walked back and forth to get rid of the adrenaline still coursing through his body, after they found there little sister was missing, “We’re not using our bloody sister again, for anything!” “Agreed,” Tommy said at once. “I thought you wanted the horse?” Teddy questioned. Again Tommy sighed and he lit another cigarette, “No fucking horse is worth losing you over, Teddy.” And that’s when she realised he wasn’t angry, just worried. “No fucking horse,” Arthur agreed. “But…” she started. John interrupted, “Forget about the horse, Teddy, we’re just glad you’re okay.” “But…” “Besides, we can get a horse some other way, eh?” Tommy continued, “Might even pay for it…” “But…” Tommy held up a hand, “Stop interrupting me, Teddy.” Instead Teddy interrupted him, “But the fucking horse is fucking here!” she pointed beyond the car at the woods, “Look! I rode him here after Johnny didn’t show up!” “I’ll be fucking damned,” Arthur blurted out, “she rode the fucking horse here.” John burst out laughing and simply high-fived Teddy, but Tommy looked as stunned as Arthur did. Anxiously, Teddy waited for Tommy’s reply, occasionally saying things like, “Johnny wasn’t coming,” and “my tears were almost dried up,” and “it wasn’t really my fault, the horse just followed me!” “Teddy Shelby,” Tommy said finally, “you little horse thief…” “You told me to,” Teddy said pointedly, but couldn’t quite hide the pride in her voice. “Oh, so this is our fault, eh?” Teddy shrugged and put on an angelic face, “Well, Arthur taught me how to steal, John taught me how to cry and you told me what to do…”

He pointed at her, “You’re heading the right way for a smacked backside...” Again Tommy looked at the horse and then he coughed a short laugh, “Alright, you win. We’re all horse thieves. Go get your horse.” “Mine?” “Yours.” As Teddy got the horse, the brothers still couldn’t get over the fact that she just did all of that. “Before we go home, there’s just one more thing, Teddy,” Tommy said, “Tell me again what I made you promise.” “Don’t tell Aunt Polly about this.” “Or?” he said menacingly, hoping he still had some authority over her by usually being the one who punished her, when he wasn’t teaching her how to steal that is… “She’ll have your balls.” Tommy eyed his two brothers who doubled over in laugher, but decided to ignore that. “Good girl.”

*** Masterlist

[fivelakesinwriting]

request for reader being jj’s sister and liking barry, so barry and reader get together but jj not being okay with them being together so reader and barry having to sneak around maybe?

Author's Notes: I love the idea of JJ having a younger sister - I also named her. JJ just wants his little sister to be safe, but she's a Maybank so... All characters are 18+

Warnings: Swearing, Sexual references - sexual innuendos

Requested? Yes! Requests for OBX are OPEN!

*My work is not to be transferred, copied, translated or reposted to any other sites without my permission. Please see my masterlist for all other works and warnings. Thank you! xoxo

JJ Maybank slammed his fist against the door his little sister had just closed in his face. Another argument between the Maybank kids, another day in paradise.

"Open the door. Now, Sierra." JJ growled as he jiggled the locked knob, then pounded his fist against the wood frame.

"She's not gonna come out, man. She's a Maybank. Stubborn as fuck." John B mumbled as he walked through the narrow hallway, the noise of the two siblings waking him from his nap. He made his way towards the kitchen, not wanting to get in the middle of the dueling Maybank kids. He had learned the hard way a time or two before it was better to let them battle it out on their own.

"She's coming out if I have to break the fucking door. Sierra, you aren't seeing him!" JJ yelled with a firm kick of the door with the bottom of his foot.

"You aren't dad, JJ!" She yelled back with a slam of her palm against the door from inside the bedroom.

"I'm the closest thing you've got to a dad right now!" JJ scoffed as he pushed his hands through his hair, then crossed his arms over his chest.

"Fuck you, JJ!" She cried, sitting on the bed with her arms over her own chest.

"I'll wait all day, Sisi. Fridge is full of beer and I have nowhere to be. I'll wait all day." JJ replied as he leaned against the wall opposite the closed door.

Sierra Maybank pursed her lips, her brow furrowed as she looked around the room she had locked herself in. She wouldn't be kept prisoner in that house, or that room. Not by her brother or anyone else.

She was seeing him.

She quickly walked towards the window that was open just a crack, lifted it just enough to slid out and hopped to the ground below. Thankful John B's house was only one level. She quickly made her way towards her bike that rested against the large tree in the centre of the yard, grabbed it and ran as quickly as she could down the dirt path and off the Routledge property.

"He's gonna kill you, Sisi!" John B yelled after her as he stood on the front porch, watching his best friend's sister pedal away on her bike as fast as she could.

*

The bike ride to his house was surprisingly short, but that could have just been from how fast she had been pedaling. She rode up the dirt path and was surprised to see that he was alone. He almost always had someone there with him.

Sierra hopped off her bike, ditched it in front of the house and ran up the worn wooden steps to his front door. She didn't knock before she entered, she just walked in and saw him sitting on his couch, paging through a book.

"Jesus. Don't do sneak in like that. I almost shot you, Si. What the fuck you doing here?" Barry replied with a slight inhale, surprised to see her standing in his doorway. He placed his book down on the small coffee table in front of him and stood up to take the few steps towards her.

"I wanted to see you." She stated softly as she wrapped her arms around his neck when he got within arms reach.

"Been crying?" Barry asked, a thumb reaching up to wipe at the stream of tears on her face.

"It's nothing. JJ and I got in a fight." She sniffled as she bowed her head to rest on his shoulder.

"You ain't gotta worry about your big brother. I'll handle him. C'mon, let's sleep for a bit." Barry mumbled as he pushed her messy hair off her face.

Barry took her hand and led her through his small home towards his bedroom. He knew their relationship bothered her older brother, and he didn't care in the slightest, but he knew it caused a rift between the Maybank siblings. He knew one day he would have to go and talk to JJ Maybank about his "intentions" with Sierra, if it got to that point. But until that point he was fine with the way things were.

Barry laid in his unmade bed and pulled Sierra down with him. He let her rest her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her tightly. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and simply waited.

"Barry." Sierra whispered as she ran her hands over his chest, her leg tossed over his waist.

"Sierra." Barry grinned his eyes on the ceiling as his fingertips ran over the bare skin of her back.

"I missed you." She stated firmly as she shifted her weight to straddle his hips, her hands pressed to his chest.

"I missed you, too." Barry smirked as he held onto her hips and looked up at her.

"How much?" Sierra whispered as she grabbed the hem of her shirt and lifted it over her head, tossing it to the ground.

"About that much." Barry breathed out with a nod, his hands reaching up to palm at her bare breasts.

"And what are you going to do about it, Barry?" She smiled as she reached her hands under the hem of his shirt to feel at his abdomen.

Barry sat up to wrap his arms around her waist and flipped her onto her back, a small smile on his face as she squealed his name and tugged at the curls of his hair that had fallen out of its elastic. He knelt between her thighs and looked her over, topless with the tiniest pair of shorts on.

"What am I gonna do about it? Make you cry for me, and keep you in my bed for the rest of the day. Is what I'm gonna do." Barry grinned as he pulled the collar of his shirt, then tugged it off.

"Barry!" She squealed as he dropped to his hands above her and sealed his lips around her neck, while her hands pulled at his hair. She forgot all about her brother back at The Chateau still sitting outside the locked bedroom door, waiting for her to show her face.

Please let me know what you think if you have a moment! Thank you! xoxo

Requests for OBX are open!

[hobis-hope94]

~ He Promised Part 8 ~

AN: Part 8 was my favourite part to write - its just gonna get more fluffy from now on!

Parings: Bucky Barnes x f!reader

Characters: Sam Wilson, Dr. Raynor, John Walker & Lemer Hoskins. Steve Rogers, Dot and Howard Stark are mentioned.

Warnings: swearing (as per), talks of hospitals, crying, tiny bit of angst (if you squint), implied smut and lots of fluffy fluff!!! (Finally huh???)

(gif not mine)

You were in the hospital, the guys wanted to stay with you but you insisted they’d leave and get on with the mission.

You had broken your wrist, no doubt. Luckily, you didn’t need an operation. Just had to wear a cast for six weeks.

“Yeah, looks like I won’t be able to help with the mission,” you sighed, you were speaking to Sam on the phone while you waited for a cab.

“Shit, sorry Y/N. I shouldn’t have called you,” Sam said on the other end of the phone.

“No. I’m sorry. I’m a liability,” you sighed.

“You’re not, pumpkin. Don’t say that,” Sam said gently, making you smile.

“What’s up, Sammy? You’re acting weird,” you said softly, noticing Sam’s way of speaking was a little off.

“Alright, but don’t freak out,” Sam said.

“Great I’m freaking out!” You said.

“Bucky’s been arrested,” Sam said slowly just as the cab pulled up.

“Wh…what why?” You breathed.

“Y/N. It’s okay. He missed a therapy appointment,” Sam said as you got in the cab.

“Sam. Tell me where you are. I’m coming,” you said firmly.

Sam sighed but also learnt not to argue with you, you always won arguments. Sam told you the address and you told the cab driver.

The cab drive wasn’t very long but the entire way you were stressing over Bucky and his mental well-being. You got out of the cab, thanked and paid the driver then ran into the police station.

“Hi … is James B. Barnes still here?” You asked the receptionist, suddenly feeling shakey and weak.

“Mr Barnes is still here but may I take your name please?” The receptionist asked.

“Yes, of course. My name is Y/N Y/L/N,” you said.

“Doll?” Bucky said, his voice caused you to whip your head around, giving you a slight headache as you did so.

You thanked the receptionist then went over to Bucky, Sam was with him and so was Bucky’s therapist.

“James Buchanan Barnes! You dumb dumb stupid idiot!” You snapped, hitting his chest with your free hand.

Bucky stared at you, so did Sam and Dr. Raynor.

“You silly … soldier. You promised. You PROMISED you wouldn’t miss a therapy session! Do you not care about your mental well-being at all?” You snapped, you were so angry with him.

“Doll -“ Bucky said gently.

“Don’t you “doll” me. Not until you -“ you said.

“Excuse me, miss, but shouting at James isn’t going to fix what happened,” Dr. Raynor said gently.

You turned your head to see a lady standing the other side of Bucky.

“Hi. Sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Y/N Y/L/N,” you said, holding out your unbroken hand.

“Ah. The famous Miss Y/L/N,” Dr Raynor said gently shaking your hand, “I’m Dr. Raynor, James’ therapist. James has told me a lot about you, and you really are very pretty,” she added.

You smirked up at Bucky who had turned very very red.

“Well. I need to have a little session with these fellas,” Dr. Raynor said gently.

You three followed her.

“Oh, sorry Miss Y/L/N,” Dr. Raynor said gently, “just the gentlemen, please.” She added gently.

You nodded.

“Doll,” Bucky said as you turned around to make your leave.

“Yeah?” You said, turning to face him.

“Wait for me. I’ve got something planned,” Bucky said, giving you a gentle smile.

You nodded. You went outside to get away from the heat of the station. You were sat on a bench outside, randomly scrolling through Instagram.

“Hi, Miss Y/L/N,” John Walker’s voice came.

You looked up to see him standing with Battlestar. You gotta admit, you admired Walker a little for being respectful for your wishes, but not too much.

“Hi, Walker. Battlestar,” you said, looking at Walker’s friend.

You could tell by the look on his face that people never refer to him as Battlestar, he smiled gratefully at you.

“So huh … I’m …” Walker said, stroking the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’m sorry about the other day. I got worked up. It’s not an excuse and it doesn’t make what I did okay, I’m sorry. I hope … we can be partners … in the field, I mean,” he added slowly.

“Thank you for apologising, Walker. It takes a lot. But I’m sorry, I don’t want to be partners, not even in the field,” you said softly, sliding your phone back into your pocket.

“Oh come on, Y/N. You don’t have to do everything those two do. You and Steve made a fantastic team,” Walker said, you tensed at Steve’s name.

It was true. Back then, you and Steve were the ideal team. And if you put Natasha Romanoff in your team? Unstoppable. You did miss working with your OG team.

“I��d appreciate it if you stop bringing Steve up in every conversation we have. Do you have any idea how much it hurt when he left? Of course you don’t. The government didn’t tell the public what happened to him,” you said tearfully, avoiding both the men’s gazes. “In short, Steve ripped my heart out. It’s been horrible. I’ve spent months trying to get back to feeling like myself again, and I’m only just beginning to. There’s a promising new relationship blooming and I’d love to just forget about Steve. So please please please PLEASE stop bringing him up constantly. Okay? Thank you,” you added, standing up.

You didn’t let either of them say anything before you moved to a different bench far away from them.

You turned your back to them, hid your face in your hands and gently sobbed. You were sobbing because you were angry. People are only going to see you as the fiancé of Steven G. Rogers. That was it, and you hated that.

You were too busy crying to hear the argument Bucky and Sam were having with Walker and Lemer.

“If you’re not gonna help us then stay out of our way,” Walker said.

Bucky and Sam ignored Walker, Bucky scanned the Park for you. He spotted you, he saw your shoulders moving up and down and heard the gentle sounds of sobs coming from you. Sam looked sadly at you.

“I’ll go to her. We’ll meet you in the morning,” Bucky told Sam.

He nodded.

“Take care of her, okay?” Sam said gently, Bucky nodded and went over to you.

“Doll?” Bucky asked gently, pulling you out of your gentle sobs.

You turned around to be greeted with a gentle face. You wiped your eyes quickly.

“Hi. Buck. What did Dr. Raynor want?” You asked softly, your voice wobbling still.

“Oh. Nothing,” Bucky said, you could tell he was lying, he sucked at lying. “What happened, Y/N? Why were you crying?” He asked gently, wiping tears away from your cheek with his thumb.

“It’s nothing, honestly, bub. I’m just emotional. I think it’s the strong pain killers the doctors put me on,” you smiled.

“Was it Walker? Did he hurt you?” Bucky asked, looking over at Walker.

“No. No,” you said gently, reassuring him with your best smile.

“Alright then. So, Y/N. Since we’ve got a little bit of time before I go get …. Before the mission continues,” Bucky said, you didn’t fail to notice he ended his sentence differently to what he had in mind, you narrowed your eyes at him. “We have a little time to kill, so would you like to follow me and we can get started on our first date?” He added, offering you his arm.

“Well, that was very formal, Mr Barnes,” you chuckled, making him smile as you linked your uninjured arm with his. “I’d love to have a date with you, kind sir.” You added.

——

Bucky took you on a nice moonlit walk around a lovely park. You two chatted.

Even though you both have known each other for at least seven years, and you know everything about each other, it just felt nice to just talk, and for a while, forget everything that happened or is about to happen.

For the first time in a long time, you felt happy.

“Okay, to be fair, I didn’t know that was the plan. My friend just told me we were gonna go drinking, we had one too many shots and I accidentally drunkenly texted a guy who actually turned out to already have a girlfriend. She wasn’t impressed with my awfully embarrassing text, so she sent a rather strongly worded text back, practically claiming him as her own,” you said, going red at one of your embarrassing stories before you and Steve were an item.

“Wow, you’ve had some interesting moments,” Bucky chuckled.

“Go on then, Buck. What about you? I heard back in the day, women were practically lining the streets to go out with the very handsome and famous James Buchanan Barnes,” you said.

“Well. Yeah. When I was a teenager, I knew I was pretty attractive,” Bucky shrugged.

“Way to be subtle, Bucky,” you laughed.

Bucky laughed too, his laugh makes you smile and sends your heart beating a little faster.

“Come on seriously. Did you have anyone back then that you thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?” You asked.

Bucky didn’t know what to say.

“I promise I won’t be jealous,” you said softly, knowing what he was thinking.

“Alright. If you insist,” Bucky said. “There was this cute dame, Dot. I took her, Steve and her friend to Howard Stark’s expo before I went to war. Dot was cute, she was friendly. I guess I did think she might have been the one.” He said softly.

“Well. I’m sorry Miss Dot missed out. I’m sure you would have treated her like royalty,” you said gently as you came to a stop by the lake.

“I guess she did. But I like to think she sent me you. So I can treat you like royalty, Y/N,” Bucky said gently, tucking your hair behind your ears.

You smiled up at him. The only natural light was from the moon. The way the moon hit him made you swoon.

“Hold still,” you said gently, taking your phone out of your pocket.

“What’re you doing, doll?” Bucky asked, smiling slightly as you got your camera ready.

“You look beautiful in the moonlight. Besides, if I take a picture, it’ll last longer,” you said gently, snapping the picture.

Bucky smiled at you as you smiled at him, then slid your phone back into your pocket.

“I need more photos of you, Buck. I don’t have any,” you said gently as Bucky gently grabbed your waist and pulled you close.

“I promise that’ll change,” he said gently, looking into your eyes.

The Moment was perfect, Bucky was lit by beautiful moonlight, the stars were shining above you, then you both lent forward and your lips touched. You both kissed. It was loving and passionate.

“Fancy coming back to my place to take this kiss further?” Bucky asked gently as you pulled away, your foreheads touching.

“James Buchanan Barnes! Your 40’s self is showing you big flirt!” You laughed.

Bucky shrugged, grinning at you.

“I’d love to come back to your place,” you said gently.

“Right then,” Bucky said gently, picking you up bridal style.

You giggled as you kissed again.

“Buck, you’re not walking all the way back to your apartment with me in your arms,” you said gently, “I’ll fall asleep!”

“Alright. You can call us a cab, but doll …” Bucky said gently, looking down at you as you took your phone out again.

“Yeah?” You said looking up at him.

“I love you,” Bucky said gently.

“I love you too,” you said as you called the cab company.

You both admitted it, you were smitten for each other. You were finally free of worrying about Steve’s feelings.

Wherever Steve was, he was happy for you. He was happy for his best friend, he couldn’t have wanted more.

——-

Tag list:

@wxnter-sxldier-deactivated20210

@jackiehollanderr

@amyvandijk

@jessyballet

Extra note: this series is coming to an end soon. I’m thinking it’ll end either part 15 or 20, haven’t decided yet. Thank you all for reading 🫂❤️✨

[angellissy]

bets & brothers

Based on this request:  maybe some cute fluffy between siblings with rafe? like her boyfriend broke up with her and he comforts the reader?:)

A/N: Important disclaimer!! This is not murderer and psycho Rafe! We don’t like him lol. I am however starting to fall in love with Drew Starkey, so I don’t mind writing Rafe. I hope you guys enjoy this one! I am actually pretty proud of it, I think it turned out cute and fluffy. Feel free to request, either from this list or just share any ideas that you might have! <3 love you all to the moon and back. 

Rafe Cameron x Sister!Reader, also a bit of the pogues x reader and sarah x reader

Salty tears were streaming down your rosy cheeks, it didn’t matter how many times you tried to wipe them away. Your breath was uneven, both from the way you had sprinted over half the town but also from the aching pain in your body. Your hands were on your thighs, giving yourself a small break. It wasn’t like he was chasing you, he had been clear on that front.

“Listen I know it might sound mean or whatever, but I don’t really like you anymore.” Your lips fell apart at his words, the shock rippling through your body caused you to wrap your hands around your phone so hard it ached.

“But you told me yesterday that you had never felt like this before.” You sounded pathetic, if your parents would have heard you now, they would have been most disappointed.

“Look, this is a little embarissing.-” The boy in front of you stopped for a couple of seconds, pulling his hand through his dark brown hair as a light chuckle escaped his lips. “Well, I better just say it right?” You looked at him through furrowed eyebrows and then violently waved your hand for him to continue. 

“My friends and I made a bet, we wanted to see if I could actually get the y/n Cameron, and I actually did.” You blinked several times, testing to see if this was some stupid dream. But the boy you had fallen in love with during these past months was still standing in front of you.

“How.-” You paused, unsure of what to say. It was obvious that all of this had been fake, and surely there was nothing you could say that would change that. “You’re a piece of shit Bobby.” That, you could say. You tried to stop shaking enough so that you could flip him off without giving him the satisfaction of knowing he’d hurt you.

The second you disappeared from his view, that’s when the tears started to run down your face. In sheer desperation you had started to run home, hoping it would make the pain go away faster, it didn’t.

A sigh escaped your chapped lips as you took in the sight that was on full display just a couple of yards away. Your backyard was packed with people, drunk and high people at that. Your parents were in the Bahamas and had taken your little sister with them, therefore it was not that surprising that your older brother had decided to throw a party. Lately, it seemed like all he was doing was either partying or annoying you and your sisters.

“Well, this is gonna be easy.” You muttered to yourself, wiping the remnants of tears off your face as you eyed the house. Trying to find a way in without alerting your siblings that you were home. The last thing you had told them was “I’m probably gonna sleep at Bobby’s, bye I love you.” and then you had sprinted before your older siblings even had the chance to stop you. Neither had liked your now ex-boyfriend, although you had thought of them as silly and overbearing, you wished you had listened to them. Tears were threatening to spill over once again, so you started to make your way towards the house, careful to avoid anyone you recognized as a friend of your siblings. 

You almost made it, you were so very close to getting in unnoticed. However, that changed when your sister’s boyfriend yelled your name from where he was standing, forcing you too turn around and look at him. You thought to give him a small smile and awkward hand wave would be enough, apparently, it wasn’t. John B dramatically waved his hands, indicating for you to come to him and his friends. You glanced around you, searching for a way out of talking to him. There was none, so with heavy steps, you walked over to him. It wasn’t that you didn’t like John B, it was just that right now you would rather lie in your bed and cry over the shattered pieces of your heart.

“y/n, I didn’t know that you were home tonight.” Before you could say hi to the rest of the crew, he pulled you into a warm hug and you swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

“I wasn’t supposed to, change of plans I guess.” He grinned widely at you when he let go, nodding his head at your words. “Hi Kie, Pope and JJ, didn’t think you guys liked hanging out here.” Kie gave you a big smile, but it faltered a bit when she looked at you as if she could sense that something was wrong.

“Normally we don’t, but John B really wanted to give Sarah that John D so we.-” The blonde surfer boy was quickly interrupted by Kie “JJ shut up, she is fifteen.-” JJ interrupted her before she could scold him any more “Yeah and? that’s like two years younger than us.”You couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped your lips at their banter, but it died down when you remembered all of the previous events.

“Hey, you okay?” Pope asked when he noticed your glossy eyes, always the observant one. You bit your lip and shook your head, quickly turning around and sprinting into the house. No longer caring if your siblings became aware of your arrival, you only wanted your bed and that bag of candy your parents had given you before they left.

A couple of minutes later you were all curled up under your blankets, holding a teddy bear close to your chest as you silently cried. A small whimper left your lips as you remembered how satisfied he had looked when he told you it was all a bet, like breaking your heart was something he took pride in. You didn’t hear the door to your room open, so when your sister touched your shoulder you let out a loud scream.

“Oh my god Sarah, you can’t just creep up like that.” Your sister smiled a little at your words, but her expression soon turned into a serious on as she noticed the stains of tears on your cheeks.

“What happened?” She threw herself down on the bed next to you, wrapping your arms around your trembling body. You were just about to tell her when the door swung open once again, revealing your brother.

“Why the fuck did I hear screaming? And what the fuck are you doing home?” He wore an expression of confusion on his face, clueless to all that was happening. “Rafe for once in your life, shut up.” Your sister exclaimed, leaving him even more confused.

“Did something happen?” He asked, sitting down at the end of the bed. “What do you think,  you idiot?” Your sister muttered from beside you, making him throw his hands up in exasperation. “How the fuck am I supposed to know Sarah? Please do tell me.”

“It was all a bet.” You said before the two of them continued their bickering. Rafe crawled up on the bed so that he was lying on the other side of you. “What did you say?” Sarah inquired, not entirely sure to what you were referring to.

“Bobby, he said that he and his friends.-” You swallowed hard, trying to make the lump in your throat disappear. “They had made a bet that he couldn’t get the y/n Cameron to fall in love with him, but he was obviously wrong.” Your siblings stayed quiet for a little while, the only thing that could be heard was your sobs.

Rafe threw himself off the bed and started making way to the door. “Where do you think you are going?” Sarah asked, propping herself up on her elbows while she gave him a stern look.

“I’m going to find that piece of shit and kill him.” Your sisters rolled her eyes at his words, mumbling something about him being a drama queen. “So what Sarah, you’re just gonna sit back and relax while boys go around breaking our little sister’s heart?” Rafe exclaimed.

“Of course not, we’ll deal with him later. But right now our little sister needs us.” She said, nodding to your trembling body. Rafe let out a small sigh and laid down next to you again, pulling you into his chest. You buried your face in his chest, ignoring the smell of alcohol and weed. Sarah hugged you from behind, gently stroking your hair.

“We can stay here and watch a movie if you want?” She said after a couple of minutes. “But what about the party and John B?” You whispered, making your brother let out a small huff. “Fuck the party and definitely fuck John B.” He muttered, causing you to let out a small giggle while Sarah just sighed at him.

“I’ll go down and send everyone home, John B was actually the one that told me that I needed to find you.” You smiled a little at that, making a mental note to thank him when you saw him next time.

You could hear Sarah yelling at everybody to go home, she wasn’t very subtle. Your eyes moved up to look at Rafe’s face, he was looking down at you, a concerned expression clouded his features.

“You know I love you right? Even if you are annoying as fuck. I would hunt Bobby down if you asked me.” He said, and you didn’t doubt him for a second. “I love you too, I’ve missed hanging out with you. All you ever do is party now.” You mumbled into his chest.

“I know and I’m sorry, things are just complicated. But I promise we will hang out more, you are my little sister after all.” You nodded at him, a feeling of happiness spread through you at his words.

You were his little sister after all, and Rafe Cameron would do anything for the people he loved.

[jawritter]

When The Lights Go Out

Chapter 6

Summary: Life hasn’t been your best friend lately, you lost your job, and are on the verge of losing your apartment. Who knew when you decided to join a Sugar Daddy app that your best friend suggested ina last ditch effort to save your apartment, and not end up on the street, your first and only client would turn your whole world upside down.

Pairing: Mobster!Dean Winchester x Virgin! Reader

Word Count: 2203

Series Warnings: Mob level violence, injured Dean, description of injury, creepy Godfather John Winchester, John is pretty much a douche bag, escort services, virgin reader, lose of virginity and all the insecurities and fun stuff that come with it, age gap (23 year old reader; 40 year old Dean), angst, unrequited/requited love?, language, smut, unprotected smut.

Chapter Warnings: Angst, Fighting, Hurt!Dean, description of injury, blood, swearing, John is a dick, regret. I think that’s it. 

A/N: Beta’d by @deanwanddamons! Thanks so much love!! Please don’t copy my work!! Feedback is golden! Hope you all enjoy this one!! It’s gonna be a little bit of a slow burn y’all, but just hang in there!

(This fic is based on this request: Could you do a Dean x reader where she is 23 and lives alone in her apartment, she gets fired and can loose her house, her friend tells her about a sugar daddy app, she makes a profile and Dean 40, contacts her, she is virgin and don’t offers sex, Dean is billionaire business man and needs a girl for his business parties,the reader is really shy, blushes a lot, they fall in love, he takes her to a trip and makes love to her on a private island, could it be a series?)

Want more? Check out my masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***SERIES MASTERLIST***

Sitting in the chair that was facing the window that looked out on the dark lawn below from Dean’s room, you shove the peppermint tea that Jess had brought up to you a little further away. She was just trying to make you better, and you knew that, but you didn’t think there was anything anyone could do to make you feel better. Especially when none of them knew what was really wrong with you. They all thought that you were just nervous about Dean’s job today, but that was so far from the truth.

Dean’s little revelation before he disappeared in the bathroom was the last thing he’d  said to you last night, and when you finally cried yourself to sleep, you were pretty sure he’d just chosen to sleep in the bathroom and not come out to talk to you. 

He was so angry that you were scared to go and try to talk to him, and when you woke up this morning, Dean and John were already long gone. 

A knock on the door and Jess’ entry pulled you from your thoughts as she made her way to sit down on the chair next to you. 

“Hey you. How are you holding up?”

You shook your head and tried to stop the stinging tears that threatened to spill over the surface from falling.

“I’m okay, just stressed.” you lied, pulling your blanket up to your neck like it could hide your shame. If something happened to Dean today, you’d never forgive yourself. He’d done and given so much to keep you safe, and you pretty much told him last night that you hoped he died. God how you wanted to take it all back, do it all different. 

“John and Dean will be just fine. High table meetings are always stressful and dangerous, because the Campbells will be there, and they like to cause problems with John.They still blame him for Dean and Sam’s mom’s death in that house fire, but this isn’t like it’s something they haven’t dealt with before, and by tonight he will be here, safe and sound.”

Swallowing the lump in your throat you nod your head. You hoped with everything in you that she was right, and that they would make it home. You didn't understand all of this stuff, but you knew that if you became John’s you were probably fucked in ever since of the word, if you even lived through the guilt of never giving Dean the chance he deserved. 

You made a promise to yourself, that if he lived through this, and everything worked out okay, you’d give him that chance. Let yourself fall for him like you were doing before you were forced to move in here. Maybe even get to be happy with him.

Jess put a comforting hand on our shoulder and stood from her seat. 

“Sam and I are about to have a Friends marathon in the living area. Want to join us?” she asked, and you forced a smile in return.

“Maybe in a little bit. I think I’m gonna try and take a shower, see if I can scald away some of this stress.” you tell her, and she gives you a warm smile before leaving you to your thoughts. 

Unwrapping yourself from your cocoon of blankets, you wander your way to the bathroom. You didn’t even have time to start the shower, when you heard a blood curdling  scream from the down stairs part of the house. 

Your heart stopped in your chest, and you ran towards the staircase, coming to the landing just in time to see John and Sam hauling a very bloody Dean through the front door, and towards what they called the medical area of the house. 

For just a moment you were rooted in your spot, unable to make your feet move, as absolute horror gripped you.

You don’t even know really what made feet move, but you numbly made your way towards the yelling, not even really paying attention to what they were saying or the man in a suit that ran past you toward him, though you did note that they were calling him Nick.

When you entered the room the horror that greeted you made the bile rise in your throat. 

They had Dean stretched out on a table, his shirt ripped open, blood pouring from his stomach in a way that you couldn’t really even see the injury, but you knew it was bad. Nick circled the table, yelling commands at Sam that you didn’t even hear over the ringing in your ears.

Nick's British accent was cut off by John’s deep voice, bringing you back to your senses.

“Y/N! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE, AND COMFORT MY SON! KEEP HIM CALM!”

Your attention snapped from the long, deep gash in Dean’s stomach, to the green eyes that were boring into yours. 

Violence isn't something you were accustomed to. You had never seen anyone hurt that bad in real life, but aside from the blood, and the gore of the cut, it was the hurt in his eyes that made your heart shatter. 

He was staring at you, his eyes almost as red as his stomach, the piercing green duller than normal, eyes wet as if he wanted to cry, but wouldn’t allow himself to. 

You staggered a step towards him, and Dean lifted his hand shakily in our direction. That just made it all hurt worse. 

Grabbing his hand in yours, you card your fingers through his hair, keep your eyes locked on his, as Nick and Sam move around behind you, keeping your back to the wound on Dean’s stomach, and focusing on his face, John standing over your shoulder, watching everything closely. 

“Dean, oh my God, I’m so, sorry.” you said in almost a whisper, shock evident in your voice. 

Dean didn’t answer, just gritted his teeth, and closed his eyes against the pain radiating through his body.

“Gonna have to stitch him up here John. He’s not going to make it to a hospital, but it doesn’t look like anything internal was damaged.” Nick said, and John just nodded above you. 

“You...You’re not going to put him to sleep?” you ask as Nick and Sam prepared needles full of brown liquid.

“Can’t do that. He’s lost too much blood, but don’t worry sweetheart, we’re gonna numb him up real good.” Nick said, Jess made her way to the other side of Dean’s head across the table. 

“Nick’s the family doctor of shorts. Everything’s gonna be fine.” she tries to assure you. 

You try and keep the horror and trembling under control. Focusing on Dean’s eyes, you see one large tear roll down his face as Nick and Sam move closer to his wound. His grip tightens on your hand, but he didn’t scream at what surely was the unbearable pain of the needles entering his wound before the numbing medicine could spread. Sam worked at putting an IV in his free arm next to Jess. 

Once the shots were done it seemed like it took them forever to stitch up him, and Dean’s eyes were getting heavy.  Nick assured you it was just the morphine, and not the blood loss. 

“What went wrong out there?” Sam asked, helping Nick wrap his brother’s wound once the stitching was done with thick antibiotic ointments, and gauze 

“Believe it or not, that didn’t happen at the meeting. We stopped to get gas at a station just outside of town, and some of Sammual’s boys jumped him. They weren't all that happy about the high tables approval of Y/N here, and they thought they’d take it out on Dean.”

Sam gritted his teeth and nodded his head. 

“Don’t worry son this isn’t over, they will pay for this.” John assured him, and Jess put her hand on his shoulder to calm him. 

“You on the other hand,” John said, leering at you as Nick finished up Dean’s wound, “clean up my son! Make sure he’s taken care of! He is your responsibility. If something happens to him, I swear to God your next.” 

John left the room his heavy footsteps echoing as Nick and Sam lifted Dean carefully in front of the table they’d been working on him on. Making their way up the stairs, and into your shared room they laid him down carefully on the bed, before Nick hooked up the bags of fluid and a bag of antibiotics to his IV.

Dean barely moved, or acknowledged what they were doing to him, which scared you, but no one else seemed concerned. 

“I’ll be back in four hours to give him another round of Morphine. I’ll go grab some Ambian to help him stay asleep. He needs the rest. Don’t worry sweetheart, he’s going to be just fine.” Nick said, giving you a pat on the back before disappearing to go and get the sleeping aid he’d referred to, returning only long enough to give it to him, and leave. 

Crawling carefully in the bed next to you, you carded your fingers through Dean’s tousled hair, his green eyes fluttering open to look at you. 

“I’m sorry Dean, this is all my fault, and I’ve treated you horribly. I wish I could take it all back.” you tell him, tears falling freely down your face as his hand reaches for you like a scared child that has been hurt, looking for comfort. 

“S’Okay, I shouldn’t have snapped at you last night. This hasn’t been easy for you, I know that. I’m just glad I didn’t die before I got to see you again.” he mumbled, his eyes heavy as he fought against the medication.

Carefully as possible, you slip your arm around his head, pulling him close to you as he loses the battle against consciousness. 

You had a second chance with Dean, and you were determined not to fuck it up this time, this time you would be everything he deserved. 

The sound of your bedroom door opening caught your attention as light flooded the dark room where Dean and yourself were laying. Sam’s overly tall figure slipped inside, and shut the door behind him before making his way to the bed with the small desk chair in tow, sitting it next to his brother's side of the bed, before flopping down in it. 

Dean was not a small man by any means, but next to his “little” brother, he looked so small, especially laying on the bed with his stomach sewn shut, and an IV leading from his arm. 

“Did you finish getting him undressed?” Sam asked, and you suddenly felt stupid. You didn't even think about his slacks and shoes that were still on his feet. 

“Oh God, I didn’t think about that.” You said, ripping the cover off of him as gently as you could, and working to take his shoes off as Sam stood and help you undo his slacks, slipping them down his long bowed legs, leaving him just in his tight, black boxers before the two of you covered him back up, and you settle back down next to him.

“You know, John catches you in here, it's my ass. You heard what he said.” you tell Sam in a hushed whisper, and Sam chuckled darkly. 

“Don’t worry about John. He better not tell me shit about coming to check on my brother.” Sam said darkly, and that for some reason was laced with a promise more lethal than anything John had said downstairs. 

“Why did they do this Sam, why do they hate him so much.” you ask, watching as Dean shifted closer to you in his sleep, unconsciously  seeking comfort from you, even through all the drugs they had him on. 

“Because Samual Cambell is a narcissistic dick who can’t let the past go.” Sam said darkly.

“He still blames your dad for your mom’s death?” you ask, settling Dean’s head back on your shoulder. 

“Yep, that’s some of it. Some of it is  he’s just a heartless dick, who wants to have all the power. He hated my dad even when my mom was alive from what I’m told. I don’t really remember as she died when I was just a baby. I can tell you this, no man in his right mind would put a death order on his own fucking grandson, much less the son of John Winchester. He will pay for this Y/N, I promise you. Just worry about getting Dean better. We will take care of the rest.” Sam said, standing up from his chair, and making his way towards the door, stopping just short of opening it.

“You know, Dean really does love you, I’ve never seen him like this before. I just feel like you needed to hear that.” Sam said, before disappearing into the hallway. 

God, you hoped he was telling the truth, because right now, you were pretty sure you had fallen from him the moment you climbed out of his SUV, and you were too big of a coward to admit it to yourself, until you almost lost him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[let-the-dream-begin]

Someday

In MOBY, Claire warns John about one Ezekial Richardson, who knows John's biggest secret. In this alternate ending story, Richardson reports John, and he is arrested.

Jamie plans a rescue and visits John in jail to give him the details, and Jamie must face his own demons and confront how John truly feels about him before it's too late.

All canon prior to the end of MOBY is still in place.

Read on AO3

Contains very vague references to BJR trauma and mild internalized homophobia.

February 1779

Jamie was living in a space between reality and memory. He’d seen the insides of quite enough prisons for one lifetime, prisons of all kinds, even since liberation from his longest stay to date. Yet something about this prison…maybe it was the stench, hitting him square in the face like a snapping branch on a tree, or maybe it was who it contained. Maybe it was the role reversal.

His former jailer in chains.

He’d become far more than that, and to think of him as such was beyond an insult. He was a friend, a very dear one. The sting of knowing he’d bedded Jamie’s wife had not left him; it festered under the surface like a wound bubbling just below the skin, waiting to burst.

And yet.

The keys in the jailer’s hand jangled, then clanked, and then the door was open. There were ten men in that particular cell, a significant distance between them and the man in question.

He looked like hell.

He was crumpled in the corner of the cell, hidden by shadow, but Jamie could still see the swelling in his face, dried blood. They’d beaten him senseless in there, and nobody had seen fit to stop it. He’d expected it, but the sight still made him sick to his stomach.

Men like John did not fare well in prison.

The jailer roughly seized John’s upper arm, and Jamie fought the instinct to finch when John winced in pain. He stumbled on his feet at first, and then he was walking forward, shoved every few feet. Jamie battled with his body once more, stifling the urge to seize John’s other arm and wrench him away from the jailer, drag him away himself, as gently as he could without raising suspicion. Instead, he followed the jailer into the small interrogation room.

“General Fraser of the Continental Army. I have strict orders from General Washington himself to interrogate one Lord John William Grey of His Majesty’s Army.”

The jailer did not see fit to let John sit in a chair; he shoved him into the hard ground with a sneer, and Jamie winced.

“The utmost discretion is necessary. He carries sensitive information that canna be overheard. Ye understand.”

“He’s all yours, General,” said the smarmy man. “Rest assured you can use any means necessary. He’s a dead man come sunup.”

“Aye. I thank ye.”

When the door was shut Jamie stepped forward and helped John to his feet.

“Christ, man,” he hissed under his breath, almost involuntary. Claire had wanted to come, had practically demanded it, but Jamie had firmly turned her down. In that very moment, Jamie regretted that. She could have helped him. He had another bloody eye, what looked to be a broken nose, and from the way he stood, several cracked ribs.

“Ye need Claire,” Jamie said, again entirely against his will. “I’ll have them fetch her.”

“No, Jamie. Don’t.”

Jamie led the man to one of the chairs.

“Ye’re in pain, John.”

John grimaced, and Jamie thought perhaps he was trying to smile. “That would be correct.”

“Then let me — ”

“It’s no worse than anything I’ve been dealt before,” he looked very pointedly at Jamie, and he almost — almost felt a rush of shame.

“At the very least, I’ll ask fer water. Clean yerself up.”

“If I go back there in better shape than I left,” John said, shifting in his chair and holding his side, “then they’ll just see to it that I’m bloodied again. And likely worse than they last left me.”

Heat colored Jamie’s cheeks, flaming rage. “I can have ye moved. I’ll fetch Claire, she’ll heal ye, then we’ll move ye to yer own cell. I’ll tell them that Washington wants ye unharmed until — ”

“How many times do you think you can use Washington to make orders before they ask for his written word?” John shook his head. “Don’t bother, Jamie. It isn’t worth it.”

“Those wounds, ye could…they could get infected,” he said with a curt nod. “Claire wouldna like that. Ye’ll get fevered and — ”

“And die?” John exhaled a short laugh. “I’m a dead man anyway.”

“No.” Jamie took three large strides to John’s chair, slapping a hand on the table. “Ye’re not. No’ if I have anything to say about it.”

John’s eyes glistened in a way that Jamie could see even through the swelling and the redness. “What’ll you do? Enact a daring rescue and abscond with me in the night?”

Jamie nodded. “Aye. I’ve already got the men willing.”

John was already shaking his head before Jamie finished. “You can’t do that.”

“Like hell I can’t.”

John gaped at him. “Do you know what I’m charged with?”

“Aye, of course I do.”

“Then you know what they’ll do to you if they know you’re behind this.”

Jamie only hesitated for a moment. “No. They’ve no proof.”

“They don’t need any, Jamie. Don't you see? It took one man’s word to sentence me to death. All they need is the slightest suspicion of something between us.”

“There’s nothing between us,” he growled.

“I am quite aware.”

Jamie blinked, his nostrils twitching. John’s tone was nowhere near accusatory, or self-pitying. He was stating a fact, a truth. Plain as anything.

“But that doesn’t matter,” he continued. “Men that break other men…men like me, out of jail…that doesn’t look good.”

Jamie remained frozen, hovering over John like a threat, his grip on the table tightening. He had nothing to say in rebuttal, nothing to undermine his argument. Because he was right. Jamie wanted to throw it back in his face, tell him he didn’t give a damn what anybody thought.

But he did.

The thought of anyone, anyone looking at him and thinking that…bile was already rising to his throat. His fingers itched to rub that spot on his torso, that shadow of a brand from all those years ago. If somebody looked at him thinking he was that way, it would be as if Claire had never removed that brand, and he ripped his shirt off and showed the world.

Showed the world that his manhood, his very self, was owned and wielded by another man.

Exhausted, Jamie finally moved, sitting down in the chair across the table from John with a heavy sigh, rubbing a hand over his face.

“I canna let ye die.”

John looked like he wanted to laugh, and Jamie wanted to hit him for it. “Why not?”

“What the devil d’ye mean by that?”

This time he did laugh, a short, barking sound, followed by a wince and a clutch at his side. “You mean to tell me you haven’t wanted to kill me since the very moment you found out?”

Jamie swallowed. “Aye, I wanted to kill ye. At times I still do.” He took off his tricorn and set it on the table, then smoothed back the hair atop his head with a sigh. “But I didna want ye dead.”

John blinked at him dumbly.

“The thought of it fills me wi’ rage. Ye ken that well enough.” Jamie’s voice was low and rough. “I’ve enough in me to kill ye wi’ my bare hands. But why should I want ye dead? Ye’re no threat to my marriage.”

It was the God’s honest truth. Jamie knew Claire better than he knew himself, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was his and only his. And truthfully, if Jamie really dug into the depths of his heart, if Claire truly found happiness with another man, Jamie could never bring himself to kill him. He’d sooner cut out his own heart than cause her pain. If Claire left him, he’d rather kill himself than kill his rival. That would make it easier for both of them.

But it was not like that with John either.

And maybe that was why it enraged him so. There was no solution. There was no parting with Claire for her own happiness, no ending of his own suffering upon losing her. It had just happened, and he could not make sense of it.

We were both fucking you.

“No,” John said softly, interrupting Jamie’s train of thought. “I suppose I am not.”

“I canna say it more plainly. I’ll no’ let ye die. So,” Jamie said, sitting up straighter, “tonight, this is — ”

“Stop.”

“Shut up, man. Ye’re gonna — ”

“No, I am not.” His eyes flashed defiantly, enough to silence Jamie. “I won’t let you do this.”

“Why?” Jamie spat, his fists shaking the table. “Why is it that ye can just stand by and let them kill ye?”

“Because I would rather die than cause you any more pain.”

That froze Jamie.

Had he not just reasoned with himself that he would rather die than cause his wife pain? That was love. Making the ultimate sacrifice was for love.

What John…felt toward Jamie…

What Randall felt toward Jamie.

That was not love.

Vile, unnatural, inhuman, unbearable.

Not love.

And yet.

John wasn’t vile, inhuman, or unbearable. Even if his inclinations were unnatural…he was not a vile creature. In his blind rage in beating him senseless, Jamie had not been able to see that. But it was clear now.

But still, it could not be love. It didn’t make sense.

“Why?” Jamie found himself saying it before he could stop it.

This time, Jamie couldn’t tell if John was about to laugh or cry. His wrecked face combined with the stunned expression on his face would have been comical in any other situation.

“You…you know why.”

Jamie swallowed. “Do I?”

John shifted in his seat with a wince, clutching at another rib. “I refuse to have this conversation with you. I’m bloody enough as it is.”

“John.”

Jamie’s tone surprised even himself. John flicked his eyes to Jamie’s face, and Jamie wanted to wince at how bloody awful the man looked. Remembering that he’d left him in a similar state not too long ago was fully nauseating him now.

“Look, Jamie. I know you wouldn’t sentence me to death, but you don’t exactly…approve of me. I know it.”

Jamie’s jaw hardened. He wanted to correct him, wanted to be able to.

“As long as I’ve known you, you’ve thoroughly detested any reminders of…any of this. So please. Just…let it be.”

Jamie could have let it be. Perhaps he should have.

“If ye’re to let yourself die, I have to know.”

“Know what…?”

“Why me?”

John actually recoiled a bit in shock. His mouth gaped a bit, and then he wet his lips. “Let me ask you this, then. Why Claire?”

“Excuse me?”

“Why do you love Claire?”

There it was again. Love.

“That’s no’ what I — ”

��Answer me, Jamie. Why do you love Claire?”

Jamie hunched over the table again, clasping his hands on the surface. He could write novels detailing every single reason why she was perfect, every single thing he adored about her, every single time she had saved him, body and soul. He’d dictated all of this and more to Claire. But those things were for her. He would not betray that. And either way, it went beyond the physical reasons he loved and adored her. She fit with him like a limb, an organ, a heart. That he could not explain.

“It’s...bigger than me,” Jamie settled on. “The...the reason I get to love her is...not to be discerned on Earth. I just…do. The first time I saw her I just knew. I knew that she was made fer me. And every day since, the Lord has seen fit to prove me right.”

John nodded, his eyes gleaming. “Then you see? There’s no rhyme or reason to it.”

Jamie’s eyes narrowed. “To what?”

“To why.”

Jamie’s tongue flicked out thoughtfully, then disappeared just as quickly. “I dinna understand.”

“God…” John pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. “You foolish, infuriating brute…” He took a deep breath, then put his hands on the table, looking at Jamie. “Please, don’t make me say it. I beg you. I can’t…” His voice caught in his throat. “I can’t bear it,” he finished weakly.

Jamie felt like he may be sick, and his heart was beating far too quickly. 

“Did you think all this time that I just…” John shook his head, his eyes watering. “Did you think that was all you were to me?”

“I…I dinna ken…”

“If that’s all you were to me I’d have taken you up on that…that offer at Helwater without a second thought.”

Jamie’s heart skipped a beat. He had hoped John had forgotten about that particularly humiliating moment.

“But I couldn’t…do that to you. Because you…” His voice caught again, and he swallowed thickly. “I couldn’t do it.”

Because he loved you.

Jamie tried to shove the thought away, to kick it to death inside of him and burn it and stamp on the ashes. But it would not go away.

“I…I ken ye’re a good man, John.”

John nodded, not meeting Jamie’s eye.

I ken ye’re not Randall, was what he left unsaid.

He did know; he’d known it for a while before, but it was solidified when John had refused the offer. He was some sort of exception to the rule in Jamie’s head, the rule that Randall had set in stone for him.

Then they’d parted, and Jamie didn’t have to go mad with questioning it anymore. What Jamie had before him were facts: Jamie had a son, Jamie could not care for that son, John loved Jamie, and so John would move Heaven and Earth to care for that son. There was nothing more to it than a cause and effect, problem and solution. Nothing to question, nothing demanding answers.

But then he was back, in Jamaica, and answers were demanded again.

He was back in the Carolina wilderness, and that obligation had grown into a beautiful love between father and son that Jamie marveled to see.

He was back, and back, and back…

And now this.

And the thought of fate never bringing them together again was terrifying.

Jamie did not want to lose him.

And that realization was equally as terrifying.

Jamie remembered something he’d tried to force himself to forget for years upon years, repressed so thoroughly that he’d never even told Claire.

Jamie had kissed him.

After John had said no, he would not covet his body, Jamie had still, freely and willingly, kissed him.

Why?

And then, very suddenly, that didn’t matter, because John was weeping. Jamie sat stone-still, something unnamable dropping into his gut. 

“Do you know that…” he said through his tears. “That they could remove the capital punishment, reduce my sentence to life in jail, if I…confess?”

“Confess? I thought they didna need proof?”

“No, I mean…before a jury…if I tell them that…that I did wrong, that I will change, if I beg for God’s forgiveness…” He took a stuttering breath that sounded painful. “If I tell them that they’re right.”

Jamie gaped. “What’re ye waiting for, man? Tell them!”

John looked thoroughly horrified.

“Look, John, I…I bear no judgement on how ye choose to live yer life. But if this can save ye…”

“You think I chose this?”

And for the first time, Jamie realized no, he had not.

“Why on Earth would I choose to be such an abomination?” It was clear to Jamie that John did not agree with the words he was saying; he was mocking those that labeled him as such, spitting it back in their faces. “Such a…a stain on society?”

Jamie swallowed. He had no answer.

“And I…I won’t ask for forgiveness. I refuse to ask forgiveness for something that is not wrong.”

“John…”

“If someone held a gun to your head and told you to swear before God that you did not love your wife with all your heart and soul, or else they would pull the trigger, could you do it? Could you stomach going on living having lied so thoroughly and terribly?”

Jamie’s wame twisted. He imagined, for just a moment, looking into Claire’s eyes and forsaking her, telling her he did not love her just to save his own hide, and he wanted to vomit. He couldn’t live with himself. He’d die of shame shortly after. He couldn’t look at her ever again.

And then, just as briefly, Jamie saw himself in the same situation, only looking in John’s eyes, and swearing that he never imagined kissing him again, that he hadn’t felt even the smallest twinge of disappointment when he’d turned him down.

“No,” Jamie said simply, quietly. “I couldna do it.”

And all of a sudden, he understood. He understood John so deeply, so painfully deeply, that he almost broke down and wept with him.

Instead, Jamie did something that he had threatened John’s life for doing many years ago.

He reached across the space between them, and he took John’s hand.

John stared at their joined hands, blinking several times, his mouth hanging open. Then he looked up at Jamie, his brow furrowed.

“Please, John,” Jamie begged, more fervently than he’d meant to. “Please let me help ye. Ye need not forsake who ye are in a court of law. But let me get ye out of here.” He blinked several times, feeling his eyes burning. “Please.”

John wet his lips, looked down at their hands again, then back up at Jamie. “Don’t do this.” Jamie felt him try to pull his hand away, but he faltered. “Don’t…don’t use…this…to try and get me to agree. That’s…that’s cruel, Jamie…”

“I’m not.” Jamie insisted, squeezing his hand. “I wouldna do that.”

“Then what…are you doing?”

“I’m trying to save the life of a friend that has saved mine and that of my family more times than I can count,” Jamie said. “Ye have to let me help ye, man. I canna live wi’ myself if I just let ye walk to the gallows.”

“And I cannot live with myself if we’re hung side by side because you tried to stop it.”

Jamie felt his face getting hot, flush with dread, terror, and horrible, piercing sadness.

Jamie knew John, and he also knew himself. If John wanted to die to spare Jamie, then he would. And Jamie could not betray that. It was not in his moral code to go against the wishes of a dying man.

But damn him if it didn’t hurt to his very core.

John covered Jamie’s hand with his other hand, squeezing. “Please, Jamie. Don’t force me to put you in danger. Please.”

Like a compass drawn to true north, Jamie found his other hand drawn to the rest of their three hands.

“I will promise ye.” Jamie’s voice was hoarse. “If ye truly wish it, then I willna interfere.”

“I truly wish it.”

Whatever final dash of hope remained left Jamie’s body like the removal of a knife. “Aye. Then I promise.”

John lifted their joined hands and fervently pressed his lips there, and Jamie expected the urge to pull away, to run, to curse…but it didn’t come.

All he felt was…aching. Such deep, utter, painful aching.

“Thank you,” John whispered into their hands, his eyes locked on Jamie’s. “Thank you.”

A long silence passed between them, and all that time, it never once occurred to Jamie to let go of John. John wept quietly all the while, trembling ever-so-slightly, and Jamie’s eyes burned with the need to cry. But he did not.

“Tell Willie for me…” John began, and he might as well have cut Jamie open and gutted him there. The lad would never forgive him. Either of them.

“Tell him I’m sorry.” John sniffled, blinking away more tears. “Tell him that I ordered you to say this; tell him to look to you for any guidance he needs. Tell him I trust you.” Jamie nodded solemnly, painfully aware of the blessing that John was bestowing upon him.

All those years ago, Jamie blessed John with his blood. And now, John was blessing Jamie with a piece of his heart to keep safe.

Their son.

“And tell him I love him,” John finished, his voice breaking on the last word. “That I’ll...I’ll always be his Papa.”

If Jamie had been in pain before, he was in agony now. How...how could he tell Willie?

Before Jamie could find the words to express this, to beg John to reconsider for Willie’s sake, John spoke again.

“You know, I…” John bit his lip, as if he wanted to take back even saying anything, but unable to stop the flood now that it had started. “When I had Hector…”

The lad he’d lost at Culloden. His “particular friend.”

“We thought we could change everything.” He laughed ruefully, sadly. “We thought we were the exception to everything. I was lucky I wasn’t executed then for openly weeping on his body. It must have been so terribly obvious and I…I didn’t care. I just…I just wanted to…live and…be happy…”

Jamie tried to imagine it, and then realized he didn’t have to. His heart had died that day, too. But the difference was Jamie had had his returned to him. John had not.

“I wasn’t fool enough to think I could have that a second time, no matter how much I…” He stopped himself, “cared for you.” He swallowed. “I’d grown up by then. Learned…the ways of the world.”

“Do you think…” John went on as if he wished he wouldn’t. “Can you…imagine a world where it’s different…?”

Jamie’s mind immediately went to Claire’s world, Brianna’s world. The future.

“I don’t…I can’t bear to die thinking that people will forever be executed for…loving.”

That word, that small but painfully significant word, die, landed like a blow to Jamie’s stomach, as if he’d forgotten.

He looked into John’s eyes, hardly recognizable through the swelling from hateful fists and tears of grief. Jamie could ease that burden for him. He could tell him what he knew of Claire’s world. He could tell him that someday, it would be different.

“Ye dinna have to,” Jamie whispered, leaning forward. “Because the world willna always be so.”

John’s brow furrowed. “You know this for a fact?” His voice was full of doubtful sarcasm.

“I do.” He leaned forward even further. “There isna time to explain the how, or the why, but Claire, she…she knows things. She…she can…see. She can see beyond our lifetimes, beyond our daughter’s lifetime, beyond our grandchildren’s lifetimes, beyond their grandchildren’s lifetimes.”

John’s eyes narrowed. “Your daughter has tried this on me before...as has your wife...”

Jamie shook his head, not having realized John had perhaps already heard the term time-traveler. “Listen to me, man. It’s true, all of it, everything they told ye. Claire, and Brianna, they have seen a world where…where women sit in university wi’ men, learning alongside them. A world where colored men and women havena been in chains fer generations, where they work and learn alongside anyone else, as equals. A world where…where people like you, men and women, will…stand at a great Stone Wall, and…and begin a revolution, much like our revolution here, a revolution to be…to be free to…live, and be happy, as you say.”

Jamie had recalled all his wife and daughter had said with as much clarity as he could.

“I don’t…” John shook his head. “I don’t understand…”

“Ye dinna have to,” Jamie said urgently. “Ye just…ye must ken the truth of what I tell ye. I wouldna lie to ye now, man. Everything I’ve told ye is true, all of it. When the world is…older, and wiser…life will be fairer.” He squeezed harder on John’s hands until he was sure they’d go numb. “I swear it.”

“Someday…” John said, his stare blank, his eyes glassy.

“Aye, John. Someday.”

——

By the time I had finished seeing to the abdominal pain of one of the other boarders at the inn, administered the proper treatment, and logged it all into my medical journal, only two hours had passed. With nothing else to do with myself while Jamie was gone, I tried reading, but my mind could not focus on the words in front of me. I could think of nothing but the state John must be in right now, whether or not Jamie’s plan would work. My thoughts raced over and over in my fevered brain until I couldn’t stand it any longer, and I took to pacing the room. When the door opened, with no warning of Jamie’s arrival, being that his feet never made any bloody noise, I had no conception of how much time had passed, how long I had spent pacing.

I stopped, and I watched with bated breath as Jamie shut the door behind him. I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to stop my trembling.

“Everything went well, then? You were able to see him? Tell him everything?”

And then Jamie turned around, and I felt something tear through my chest.

“What happened?” I rushed forward, my eyes raking over every inch of his face, my hands squeezing his shoulders. “Oh, God, is he already…? Did they…? Jamie, look at me! Talk to me!”

I resisted the urge to slap him across the face just before he sank to his knees at my feet, myself alone entirely unable to hold him up. I felt bile rise in my throat as I threw myself to the floor to meet him.

“Jamie…Jamie, what…?”

He was weeping, sobbing.

Completely bewildered, I said nothing more; I pulled him into my arms, pressing his head to my breast, and he threw his arms around my waist so forcefully it knocked the wind out of me. I rocked him wordlessly, without even thinking to do so, stroking his hair, kissing the crown of his head. I hadn’t seen him cry like this since he’d broken down at the sight of Brianna’s photograph, so to see him like this was incredibly jarring. It made me want to cry, even not knowing the reason why. 

He carried on, and I comforted him, pushing down everything in me that screamed to demand answers. When I found myself in such a state, Jamie never demanded anything more than I was ready to give, and I would return this, no matter how difficult it was for me.

Just when I thought I might suffocate from his hold around my middle, Jamie finally spoke, garbled and muffled into my dress. 

“He’s going tae hang.”

My throat would not produce sound for a moment. “But you…the plan…you told him…?”

“He doesna want to be saved.”

“What? Is he mad?”

“He willna put us in danger. He doesna want to be saved. He’s going tae hang…”

Jamie, my Jamie, my Highland warrior, my mighty general, sounded like a broken, shattered little boy. And before I could think to process why he was so shattered, I felt my own heart breaking. How could this be? How could John just resign himself to die?

He was going to die!

I thoroughly fell apart myself, the thought of John being torn from me just as I'd found myself a fond and true friend in him enough to break my heart.

The thought didn't occur to me until later, much later, around three in the morning, Jamie and I both wide awake in our bed at the inn, unable to sleep, knowing what awaited us at dawn. I was too distraught for my own loss, busied with crying and mourning preemptively, to entertain the thought that something had happened.

It did not make sense for Jamie to grieve John as deeply as he was. Not unless something had changed. When I asked, gentle as I could, while running my fingers through Jamie's curls, our foreheads pressed together, I watched more tears leak out of his eyes and onto the pillows beneath our heads.

“He loves me.”

I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying of course he does, looking at every inch of Jamie’s face to discern any other hint of where this was going. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

“Oh, Jamie...you never understood, did you…?”

He fell apart again, clinging to me for dear life, and I cried silently into his hair.

Jamie couldn’t bear the insinuation that John and I had had sex because John wanted to have sex with Jamie. Jamie couldn’t bear any insinuation about John’s desire for Jamie. His knee-jerk reaction to such things was similar to the shell-shock I’d seen during and right after the war in my own time, similar to Jamie’s own shell-shock after Wentworth.

So somehow, John’s love, the depth and purity of it, its enduring power, its sacredness, had entirely eluded Jamie, because he’d been too busy looking at it all completely wrong.

A million questions swirled in my mind and made their way to my tongue, but I swallowed them down. It would do no good. It would only serve to bring Jamie more pain. What had transpired belonged to John and Jamie alone, the same way what had transpired months ago belong to John and I alone.

“I told him,” Jamie began, and my stomach lurched, my mind jumping to a conclusion it had no right to reach.

“About yer future.”

Oh.

Why would he do that…?

“About the Stone Wall.”

My mind swam with confusion, and then when it clicked, my whole chest ached like it was on fire from within.

“I had to tell him…promise him that…someday…”

He couldn’t go on.

“I understand,” I whispered hoarsely. I fervently kissed his head, pressing him deeper into the crook of my neck.

Brianna had mentioned the Stonewall riots in passing one singular time in Jamie’s presence, and Jamie had looked between her and I skeptically, listening, but not contributing to the conversation. I hadn’t expected him to. He’d hummed thoughtfully once, and it was dropped, the topic of conversation shifting elsewhere. I hadn’t realized he’d retained enough to detail it to someone else.

I hadn’t realized…that he’d cared. Cared enough to remember.

I swallowed more tears, stifling a sob bubbling in my throbbing chest.

“I’m so sorry, Jamie.” He clung to me, still weeping. “I…I don’t…I don’t know what to say…”

It was true. I had no idea what John was to Jamie anymore, and perhaps I never would. And that didn’t bother me as much as I’d once thought it would.

“Just…” he said, inhaling slowly with a great shudder. “Tell me…tell me more…about someday.”

After pressing another kiss to his head, I did.

——

I used to believe

In the days I was naive

That I'd live to see

A day of justice dawn

 And though I will die

Long before that morning comes

I'll die while believing still

It will come when I am gone

 Someday

When we are wiser

When the world's older

When we have learned

I pray

Someday we may yet live

To live and let let live

 Someday

Life will be fairer

Need will be rarer

Greed will not pay

 Godspeed

This bright millennium

On it's way

Let it come someday

 When the world's older

When things have changed

 Someday

These dreams will all be real

Till then, we'll

Wish upon the moon

Change will come

One day

Someday

Soon

[anileahvictoria]

Adam Kendall from My Little House on the Prairie.

Cutie Mark: Adam has always had a fascination with law and thought about becoming a lawyer many times, but ultimately decides he could do more good as a teacher for the blind. His cutie mark was inspired by the saying that justice is blind, so the scales of justice represent balancing his love for the study of law with his responsibilities as a teacher, and husband, and the cloth is Lady Justice’s eye covering that makes her blind, just like Adam is.

I accidentally referred to Little House on the Prairie as My Little House on the Prairie, and this fan art was born. More on that later, It's time for a rant. Adam is my favorite character from the series until I got mad and left the fandom cause they did this beautiful man dirty, so It’s time to rant about it.

#1. The Romance. The romance between Mary and adam was totally out of the blue. When Merry goes blind, she's shipped off to blind school, and her teacher is this capable, intelligent and hard-working young man named Adam Kendal. His teaching still is very much tough love, and he doesn't take crap from his students. Mary starts as a reluctant, uncooperative, self-pitying, closed-minded student doing things like throwing her things across the room. Adam handles all this brilliantly, saying stuff like: if you're gonna make a mess, your gonna clean it up. Doesn't baby her or pitty her AT ALL. Exactly what she needs. After a few months, Mary's attitude changes drastically, and she's thriving thanks to Adam. But when Adam sits her down to teach her some piano, she has a moment of self-doubt: 

Merry: I could never learn...

Adam: I wish you would forget about that. Some of the greatest writers and composers in the worl were blind.Have you ever heard of John Milton? 

Merry: Well of course. He- he wrote Paradise Lost, one of my favorite books.

Adam: Well, he was also blind. Now, do you want to play the piano or not?

Merry: There wouldn't be enough time. You know my family's coming to take me home. They'll be here in a few days.

Adam: It's been a long time, hasn't it, since you've seen your folks?

Merry: It seems like a lifetime. Adam, I'm so scared. I mean... I know I'm ready to go home... But here it's- it's easy, and I've always got you to help me.

Adam: Merry, you can't depend on me forever. And I'll be leaving too. 

Merry: Where are you going?

Adam: To Winoka, to start a new blind school.

Merry: Why didn't you tell me?

Adam: I don't know. It just never came up. 

Merry: Then I'm glad I'm going home.

Adam: Merry, it's not that much different out there. Not really.

And now it gets all angsty:

Merry: Yes, it is. I wouldn't expect you to understand. How could you? 

Adam: Mary...

Mary: The world isn't like the Burton school for the blind. It... It's a huge, dark place filled with... hidden obstacles and... strange sounds and voices coming from faceless people. Even you. I've never even seen you. 

Adam: Well then look at me. 

... And then they start feeling each other's faces and, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure blind people don't actually do that...

And then it gets randomly and weirdly romantic...

Mary: What color are your eyes?

Adam: Blue.

Mary: Your hair?

Adam: Brown.

Mary: Thank you Adam.

Adam: ...What do you look like, Mary? Ive never seen you either.

Aaaand more face touching.

So apparently, they're a thing now. I'd understand if Adam fell for her cause she looks like a literal angel (seriously, no girl has any business looking that gorgeous), but Adam's blind too. So he's going ultimately off of personality, I'm guessing. And when he first meets Mary, she is not a pleasant person. Yes, she does improve quite a lot, but what makes her any different than all the other students he's taught? It certainly isn't their age, cause Adam's 22 and Mary's 15 (back then, I guess it wasn't a big deal). Also, It creeps me way out that her teacher falls in love with her. The man who spends most hours of the day alone with a vulnerable teenage girl falls in love with said girl AND THEN asks said girl to work for him at his new school in a busy city away from her family where it would just be Adam, Mary, one old man who lives on the top floor, and a few students, not to mention Mary would also be spending the nights there... It's a good thing this isn't that kinda show cause there's a million different ways that could've gone... But because this is Little House on the Prairie, nothing happens, and Adam asks Mary to be his wife soon after she moves in.

#2. Regaining his Sight And Becoming a Lawyer.

This really makes me mad. When Adam gets his sight back and sees the faces of all his friends and, most importantly, his wife for the first time. It's beautiful and wonderful and heaven knows the man deserves a miracle like that, BUT his whole character changes. He goes from a responsible teacher and loving husband who knows who he is and where he's meant to be, to an ambitious young man who would rather chase his dreams of becoming a lawyer than take care of his responsibilities to the school he started, the children he teaches, and the wife he loves. I can understand wanting to go and see the world and do things you couldn't do before, but sighted or blind, he has responsibilities. Mary is kinda left in the dust when Adam makes all these new sighted friends and drags her along to all his fancy lawyer parties while he plays games, runs around laughing and talking, and leaves Mary sitting in a chair all by herself. Like, he doesn't even consider how she must be feeling! He doesn't try to include her in conversations or introduce her to his new friends; she's just a pretty thing that sits there to be cared for. And the thing is, this is exactly what Adam was afraid would happen to him when Mary thought her sight was returning a few episodes ago! Now Adam's new fancy friends get him an opportunity to take some fancy tests to become a lawyer and Adam, without a second thought for Mary, goes off to take the test, not evening considering who would run the school if he passed and became a lawyer. Then some bad stuff happens, and he can't make it to the test, and I'm all relieved cause we all know he belongs with his wife teaching at the school and now he'll see things clearly and get his head off the cloud and onto the here and now. But nooooo, this whole time Mary is hoping he'd fail (and so am I), but when she sees how heartbroken he is, she goes and has a talk with the professor and convinces him to let Adam take the test. He finally relents, and Adam passes and becomes a lawyer, giving the school away to a wonderful woman who teaches there. This whole thing is treated like he made the right choice when he obviously isn't! Not I blame this on the time period the show was made in. Back then, a man had to be ambitious and provide for the family and leave the teaching and such to the woman, so back then, it was a good thing he went off and became a lawyer, but still, I'm mad. Correct me if I'm wrong, but when Adam hands the school over to the lady, Mary no longer teaches there, which means that Adam has taken away Mary's dream of teaching on top of not spending nearly as much time as he used to with her and (though he doesn't realize it and I don't think anyone brings it to his attention cause men are supposed" to do all the work) doesn't let her do things for herself.

#3. He's Fictional.

This one makes me the madest. At first, I turned a blind eye to all these flaws cause I assumed Adam Kendall was based off an actual person, like most characters in the series, but noooo. They made him up just for the tv series. This means his romance with Mary WAS totally random, and Mary staying in the same building as he did BEFORE they were married WAS the writer's choice, and Adam regaining his sight and leaving his wife and school in the dust WAS ALSO THE WRITERS CHOICE! AND he was basically just made to me Mary's husband because Mary doesn't marry or have children in real life. So yeah, my favorite character's development went down the drain. But oh well, that's what we have fanfic and fanart for, am I right? Oh wait, this show is old. No one's made any good fanart/fanfic. K, I'm gonna go cry now. Bye

Also, if anyone has a different opinion or point of view, please tell me about it. I'd love to go back to loving this character, so please change my mind 🥺. 

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Natasha/Andrei brainrot we’re really in it now, aka Natasha/Andrei playlist annotations!

Honestly the age gap is so inherently uncomfortable it’s difficult for me to really ship this but I think in terms of the REALLY low bar of W&P marriages/almost-marriages, it’s one of the better ones because they at least mutually care about each other. It’s also just devastating on principle!

There are several distinct sections of song on here, this is one of the few I’ve actually put in a significant order, so I’m going to break it down into that.

Part 1: Initial Meeting/Falling In Love The First Time/General

Absolutely Smitten - dodie

“She wants to dance around the room, kiss you until her lips turn blue”

This song really reminds me of their first meeting when they’re both like 👀 at each other. I like how it captures the excitement but also nerves of the girl, which I feel like is an important feature of Natasha’s part of the relationship.

Helpless - Philippa Soo

“Tryin' to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom”

Sorry to all the ex-Hamilton stans I jumpscared with this, but it’s about the Philippa Soo Singing About Falling In Love vibe. Also the quoted lyric reminds me of their iconic dance scene, or at least the bits leading up to that.

To Noise Making (Sing) - Hozier

“Honey, the look of it was as sweet as the sound; Your head tilt back, your funny mouth to the clouds”

This reminds me of the scene where she sings for him and he’s like WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH im in love! I paraphrase, but you get the idea.

Golden Years - David Bowie

“Look at that sky, life's begun”

This is objectively the stupidest song on here. It’s here because I think it’s funny to imagine the iconic Natasha/Andrei dance just being the Golden Years dance from A Knight’s Tale, HOWEVER the quoted lyric is in fact Andreicore.

Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You - The Arctic Monkeys

“And I know we got places to go, we got people to see/Think we both oughta put 'em on hold”

‘Wren there are several songs that are on this playlist AND your Andrei/Pierre playlist’ Thank you for noticing it’s because if Tolstoy can recycle the same lines of dialogue for these relationships I can recycle the same songs! This song is just. I Hate Everyone Except You :) which is deeply Andrei @ both of them. But also like wanting life to stop so you can just hang out with Your People.

Strawberry Blond - Mitski

“I love everybody because I love you”

I’m pretty sure someone once pointed out how this lyric fit Andrei/Natasha once in a post and I cannot for the life of me remember who but that made an impression on me. Mystery person, thanks <3 Also I forgot this was a Mitski song??

The Anchor - Bastille

“Bring me some hope by wandering into my mind”

One of Thee things about their relationship that sticks out to me is how Natasha is so lifelike and her very existence gives Andrei hope for the world. It’s so. It’s so much!

Something After All - Starry

“You’ve turned my world around”

Like I said above, falling in love with Natasha really changes Andrei’s entire worldview! I also think “I've spent years building up walls” is very Andrei, and Natasha kind of brought them down, like what happens in the song.

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

“A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes”

IT’S ABOUT THE SPACE METAPHORS FOR LOVE. THIS IS NO ONE ELSE FROM GREAT COMET’S FAULT.

Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel

“I know I am a cold cold man: quite slow to pay you compliments or public displayed affections”

It’s about being generally not very emotional or expressive but being devoted to the person anyway...very Andrei-ish.

Ophelia - The Lumineers

“I don't feel nothing at all and you can't feel nothing small”

The quoted lyric just seems like a really good summary of their dynamic, but I also think “Heaven help a fool who falls in love” works well for bitter post-elopement vibes, so this song was difficult to place.

Part 2: Andrei Leaving For Abroad

Misbehavin’ - Pentatonix

For some reason this is on both the Nat/Andrei and Natasha playlists and I’m too lazy to change it. Just go look at those annotations.

No One Else - Great Comet

Duh

To a Poet - First Aid Kit

“I got on a plane and flew far away from you, though unwillingly I left”

This song makes me think of Andrei abroad missing Natasha :( Honey you’ve got a big storm coming

Part 3: Post-Elopement Breakup Songs

I Hope Your Husband Dies - Amigo The Devil

“All the distance that we've spent apart will never have to mean a thing”

This song is VERY much Andrei about Anatole. “Now you're with this asshole, you expect me to believe it's going to last” really works because her relationship with Anatole was never going to last, whether or not she knew that. And “I'm not so much afraid of being alone, just kind of feel I've had enough/And time and time again, time reminds me you'll never be my own/We'll never have a house to decorate, a place that we can call our home” as an Andrei thing makes me very sad!!!

Ruins - First Aid Kit

“Ruins, all the things we built assured that they would last”

I think you can safely say their relationship was in ruins after the elopement attempt. I also think “I lost you, didn't I? First I think I lost myself” is something Natasha would think about the whole scenario

Half of My Heart - John Mayer

“Half of my heart's got the right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving you with half of my heart”

I think this is supposed to be more of an “I don’t love you anymore and that’s on me” song, but I like to mentally frame it in the context of Andrei after the elopement refusing to take back Natasha. I also think all the bits about the singer’s love interest changing the singer’s outlook on life before really fits, like “Lonely was the song I sang 'til the day you came, showing me another way”

Love Like Ghosts - Lord Huron

“You don't want me baby please don't lie/Oh but if you're leaving, I gotta know why”

It’s all about the singer being haunted by a love that doesn’t necessarily reciprocate on the same level, and I think that really fits Andrei’s mindset. It breaks my heart to think about him trying to figure out what he did wrong, why he wasn’t enough for Natasha, and so that quoted lyric really makes me just. :(

Cold Day In Heaven - Delta Rae

“Keep thinking bout when we started, so innocent/Your heart was a mess and I was lost in it”

This whole song is so good for them, it’s essentially just a couple being disappointed that their relationship didn’t work out well. The quoted lyric is so. AAAAHHH. because both of their hearts were messes but for different reasons, Andrei was so hopeless and bleak but Natasha was so naive and not ready for it and it’s so. It’s so Much. Also “We watched, the stars fell, and oh you know we let them/We said it’ll never happen, we said it’ll never happen to us/But it’s a cold day in heaven my love” gets me because 1) star/sky references :( and 2) Natasha especially did say it’d never happen to them, she was adamant that she’d love Andrei forever and that uh. I think we all know how well that worked out!

2 Months. - Zach Adkins

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

“I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug”

This is kind of a generic betrayal/breakup/I-miss-you song, but I think it works. Especially with “I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain” and the focus on the singer’s lover getting them through difficult times and then abandoning them.

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

“Take me back to the night we met”

I think people are legally obligated to have this song on any playlist for a couple that doesn’t end well. It’s generic but it’s good! The entire Strange Trails album my BELOVED!

Careless Whisper - George Michael

“I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste a chance that I'd been given, so I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with you”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. I think it’s the focus on dancing as like a significant marker of the relationship for me, especially given how heavily adaptations focus on their dance at that ball. The quoted lyric reminds me of Natasha’s mindset after all of this. Also “We could have been so good together, we could have lived this dance forever, but now, who's gonna dance with me? Please stay” reminds me of Natasha asking him to forgive her. Not to actually get sad over Careless Whisper but. :,(

With Or Without You - U2

“And you give yourself away”

The quoted lyric is in reference to the elopement in my head, and “I can’t live with or without you” is like. Andrei can’t continue on and let her back into his life, he admits that he can’t forgive her, but he also has no real will to live after she betrays him and goes off to die in war.

Atlantis - Seafret

“We've built this town on shaky ground”

“This town” is in reference to their relationship, and I like the acknowledgment that there was never a great foundation to begin with. And “maybe I’m not built for love” as an Andrei lyric is a little heartbreaking! Other than that it’s just a Breakup Song.

I Don’t Wanna See You Cryin’ Anymore - Adam Melchor

“I don't wanna be the reason you can't trust me like before/My head's in my hands as I'm shaking on the bathroom floor”

This reminds me of Natasha’s deep guilt over her betrayal of Andrei. The implication that Andrei would ever let anyone see him cry is a bit much for me, just ignore that HFJAHDHSH

Part 4: Reconciling While Andrei ✨Dies✨

Fake It - Bastille

“We can never go back, we can only do our best to recreate”

This whole is song is about trying to move forward from bad things in the past with your lover which is the whole vibe! But I also think it shows some reluctance on the part of the singer to forget, and a bit of a desperation to be able to leave the mistakes in the past. “Help me turn a blind eye” really captures that. I like this as the early stages of them reconnecting, because I think it’s realistic to have Andrei especially be wary but wanting it to get better.

Bad Blood - Bastille

“All this bad blood here, won’t you let it dry?”

Letting go of a grudge and trying to move on vibes!

Let It All Go - Birdy, Alvaro Soler

“We’re strong enough to let it go”

All their hurt surrounding the elopement is the Thing they’re letting go of in this case.

Flaws - Bastille

“You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground”

The quoted lyric just feels like their general dynamic to me. Natasha is so open about everything and does indeed wear her heart on her sleeve whereas Andrei represses every emotion he’s ever felt. I think this is a post-elopement song because of “Dig them up; let’s finish what we started”. That feels like them reexamining their relationship and what went wrong and trying again.

Moscow - Autoheart

“All I need’s a fraction of your happy heart”

This song is so 🥺. “We both know what we’ve got to do: head back to where the magic grew” reminds me of them accepting their reconnection and moving on and trying to rekindle whatever was between them. And “Let’s get a dog, an Irish red setter, it’s all we need to get better” feels emblematic of them looking forward to domestic happiness as the solution. And the quoted lyric screams Andrei about Natasha.

The Heart Is A Muscle - Gang of Youths

“I will look at love as more than just an instrument of pain”

Not to be off topic but this whole album is so good every single song makes me feel SHRIMP EMOTIONS god. Also the whole thing is very Andreicore and I had to stop myself from adding every song to his playlist. But I digress. This song is all about having been hurt by love in the past (“I let bad love betray me once”) but deciding to open your heart again which is very them! “I haven't had enough and I wanna love someone” AAAAHHHH. “I am human now and terrified, but want it all the same” Mr. GangOfYouths im going INSANE! “I just ask you to be patient if you’ll have me still” HELLO? Not to quote the whole song but “I wanna be loved, I wanna be whole again, so tuck my hair behind my ears and touch my soul again” as an Andrei/Natasha lyric...I need to sit down. Can you all tell this song makes me go all kinds of crazy. And this isn’t even my favorite song off the album!

Shrike - Hozier

“I couldn’t utter my love when it counted, ah but I’m flying like a bird to you now”

This song feels very “we tried to have a relationship a while ago and it didn’t work out that well but I still love you we could try again” to me which fits this time very well!

Part 5: Andrei Goes Splat :( [And The Aftermath]

Work Song - Hozier

“No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”

I can’t say what it is exactly, but something about persistent love framed around the death motif works for me here.

Dancing After Death - Matt Maeson

“As the sun waits to eclipse and the taste teases my lips, I'm too tired to wrestle with it”

The quoted lyric reminds me of Andrei giving up and shutting down when he realizes he’s gonna die :( oh ALSO my brain always mentally fills in “and no one else” after the “you and I” that ends the chorus which does NOT help with my depression!

One Last Time - Jaymes Young

“Could I feel your skin on mine before I have to say goodbye?”

SCREAMS SO LOUDLY. The whole song is like. Someone dying and wanting to see their person one last time and AAAAAAAAAAA. I am a little incoherent maybe. “I'm leavin' this cold world of mine, no pleadin' is gonna turn back time” really Gets Me in the context of Andrei accepting his own death and withdrawing and it’s so. Anyway.

Oblivion - Bastille

“When oblivion is calling out your name, you always take it further than I ever can”

I don’t think this is exactly what the song is talking about, but the quoted lyric in the context of Andrei dying and Natasha watching him fade and withdraw...good Lord. I need emotional support.

Haunt - Bastille

“I’ll come back to haunt you/Memories will taunt you”

Natasha being haunted by the memory of Andrei!!! Help me!!!! Also “I will try to love you/It’s not like I’m above you” as a callback to Andrei’s feelings for Natasha when they start to reconnect is so mental illness inducing. OOOH and “Questioning why as you look to the sky that is cloudless up above our heads and thoughts come to mind that our short little lives haven't left the path that they will tread” any lyric ever about looking at the sky is Andrei’s now.

Without You - for KING & COUNTRY

“What do you do when you don't get better/Strong arms get too, get too weak to hold her”

:( :( :( :( :( Also “I’m not ready to live without you” I am so sad.

Good Grief - Bastille

“Every minute and every hour I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more”

Pain! Agony, even!

I made myself SO sad writing the entire last half of these annotations geez

[mummybear]

The Sinners

This Is Day 12 Of Roleplay May

Words: 3155

Warnings: Smut, Swearing, Rough Sex, Spanking Teasing, Blow Job Under A Desk, Sex On A Desk, Edging, Orgasm Control, Roleplay, So much dirty talk..... Think that’s it.

Characters: Priest Dean, Priest Sam, Nun Reader, Unnamed Priest, Friend Of John’s (George).

Parings: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: The Winchesters and the reader are called to investigate murders at a church, but when Sam solves the case before Dean and the reader leave. What will they do? Now that they finally have a little alone time, will they take advantage of the situation?

This was some of the hardest and most strange acting you’d ever had to do since you’d started living with the Winchester brothers, maybe even since you’d first started hunting. But here you were, walking around this massive beautiful church, taking in every one of the locals who looked on respectfully. 

Sam had quickly found out that this particular church had recently been remodelled, although if you would’ve shown up before checking, that would’ve been immediately obvious. Which is what had led the three of you to to easily conclude what had probably angered the spirit after such a long time.

You were dressed as one of the sisters, blending in surprisingly well, trying to remember everything you could from the film sister act, since that was the only form of reference you could call to mind. The brothers had sent you in a day ahead of them, they were due to turn up at any time now, joining as two new priests.

Turning the corner and you take another set of steps down, heading down to the dungeon where people were known to have seen the ghost. Dean was certain that the ghost was most likely to have been a bishop, who had died here in the late nineteen hundreds and whose body had been discovered in the basement. Things had become increasingly serious lately, ending up with two nuns and a priest being murdered in the basement, which is why the three of you had been called by an old contact of John’s, George, since he had known something was seriously wrong. He was someone who’d assured you that this wasn’t just some made up ghost sighting. 

Your hand hovers over the iron blade, which is hidden just under your skirt, with the gun holster that you have fastened to your thigh. The door slams closed behind you and your heart starts beating wildly in your chest, adrenaline pumping through your veins as you carefully pull the knife free and you whirl on the closed door.  But there’s nothing there, you can’t be sure but there’s every chance it’s the ghost. Adjusting your grip on the knife, you slowly walk a little further inside.

The musty smell hits your nose stronger the deeper that you go, holding your arm over your mouth and nose as you walk while keeping a tight grip on the blade. Then you reach the final chamber of the basement, proof that way back in the day this place had been a torture chamber of some kind. There were thick chains and shackles hanging from the walls, thick and dark blood still visible on the surface. There were also signs of blood on the floor still, from the bodies that had recently been found.

Beside you was a large sturdy table, with a few dusty books and piles of papers on top. There were a few old and broken windows on the floor, that were leaning against the wall. Your distraction is short lived, when you hear something that makes you stop in your tracks.

You hear heavy footsteps behind you, echoing off of the basement walls, causing that shiver to roll through your body all over again. When you turn this time your knife is poised to attack, however the person behind you is faster and catches your wrist in his hand and tuts.

“I think you need to work on your aim there, sister” 

There’s no mistaking that voice, hearing it every morning you wake up and every night you go to sleep. Grabbing your knife from your hand, he flips it skilfully before handing the handle back to you and you can almost hear the smirk on those plump lips. His torch shines in your face so you have to squint a little, but the light quickly moves away shining on your body.

“Glad to see you could finally make it, father Winchester.” you smirk up at him, licking your lips when he leans in closer and your back hits the cold stone wall behind you.

He looks fucking amazing, you had no idea this was a kink of yours, not until Dean was stood in front of you dressed in it. 

“I was doing a little research last night and I found out a very interesting little fact about the murders that have happened down here in the last month.” Dean reveals keeping his voice low.

“Oh yeah, what’s that then?” you ask quietly, feeling him press his body closer to your own.

“So get this, turns out the priests and nuns around have been getting a little too familiar. Sexually,” he grins wiggling his eyebrows, you can’t help but laugh at the massive dork in front of you.

You have your own idea of where this is going but you play along anyway.

“Really? Well I can’t say I blame them father.” you practically purr, slipping your hands inside his jacket, letting your fingers glide slowly down the thin black fabric covering his firm chest.

Dean’s smirk grows as he bites into his bottom lip, “Is something on your mind my child?” he asks with a slight change in his voice and his free hand not holding the torch gently grips your hip.

Licking your lips you nod slowly, looking up into those gorgeous green eyes. 

“Yes, there is. All of last night I had some very impure thoughts about you. I may have even let my fingers wander.” you answer seductively, feeling his grip tighten as he growls your name in warning.

“Such a bad little girl. I thought we had this conversation last week, you don’t touch what’s mine, especially when I’m not there. Did you come?”

His question takes you by surprise, even though you probably should’ve expected it. 

“Yeah, I did. Made sure I moaned your name though, just like I do every time, even if I did have to be really quiet about it.” You smile cheekily, knowing that you’re pushing all of the right buttons when he drops the torch on that large table beside you and his hand pushes under your skirt.

“You’re fuckin’ killin’ me here sweetheart, you wait until I get you home.” Dean groans, brushing his fingers over your wet but covered slit. You roll your hips against his hand as his lips just barely brush yours, “it’ll take a little more than a few hail Mary’s to save you here, safe to say you’ve earned your spanking today, don’t you think sister?” 

“Whatever you think is best. You are the boss.” 

“It’s a shame you didn’t think about that last night really sweetheart.” 

Feeling his phone vibrating you slip your hand inside his jacket and pull out his phone from the pocket, unlocking his phone you smile, humming under your breath. You look back up at him and show him the message from Sam. “Looks like we have some free time baby, perhaps you should just punish me right now,” 

Gripping your jaw roughly he presses a firm kiss to your lips, your hands fist in his jacket when he pushes your panties aside and two of his thick fingers slip inside your opening. 

“I want you to meet me upstairs, in that empty office. But first, I’m gonna get you close and you're not gonna come, are you?” 

“No father, I'll do whatever you want,” you gasp as he curls his fingers inside you and drags your bottom lip between his teeth.

He chuckles in the back of his throat releasing your lip, “of course you will my dirty little sinner. Maybe you’ll finally learn to do as you’re told.” Dean grunts when you move your hand over the bulge in the front of his pants. Kicking your feet apart. his fingers speed up and he adds a third, causing your begging whimpers to fill the echoing space around the pair of you, you cling to Dean tighter when the heel of his hand rubs perfectly against your clit.

Your chest is heaving and your blood is pumping hard in your ears, “Dean, please stop.” you whine desperately, feeling your pussy starting to clamp down around his insistent fingers. 

“Pretty sure you can do better than that, can’t you sweetheart? I dare you. Give me even more reason to spank that ass red.” he growls as your head falls back against the wall, fighting every single part of you that’s desperate for release.

You cry out loudly when he finally removes his fingers and you slump against his chest, hearing the lewd sounds he makes sucking his fingers between his lips, licking and sucking your slick from the thick digits.

“You’re lucky you’re so fuckin’ sexy. Now, be a good girl and meet me upstairs and I might let you finish.”

You lean back against the wall to support yourself, when he finally releases you and grabs the torch, throwing you a quick wink he leaves the basement. Your head is spinning, only Dean had been able to wind you up this way. His voice always drove you almost as mad as those skilled fingers of his, not to mention his perfect thick cock which always had you begging him. You were nervous about doing this, but the excitement by far outweighed your nerves.

The minutes tick by and you regain your breath and readjust yourself, quickly exiting the basement. You slowly make your way towards the office Dean had told you about, smiling politely and nodding your head at the other sisters who pass you, doing your best not to show that you were rushing.

You see him sitting at the desk when you start making your way towards the room, he looks up as you walk in and you meet his eyes. 

“Father, I heard you wanted to see me,” your voice is so innocent and quiet, Dean has to suppress the groan that’s threatening to leave his chest.

“Yes I did. Please, come in sister. Close the door behind you,” that filthy smirk on his lips is the polar opposite to how his voice sounds. Bowing your head you do as he asks and lock the door behind you. “Skirt up. Spread your legs and bend over my desk for your punishment.” he instructs you, keeping his tone even and his voice quiet.

You can’t help but smile, when you see the pile of stuff he’d quite clearly swept off of the desk as soon as he’d got inside the room. You watch him as you pull the skirt up your legs slowly, until you have to ease it over your ass and up around your waist. Seeing him stand from the chair and walk around the desk, you bend over the cold wood and spread your legs, hands gripping the other side when you feel his large warm hands smoothing over your ass cheeks. 

“Forgive me father,” you whimper, hearing him groan behind you when he squeezes your ass cheeks roughly.

“Oh baby girl, this will help. How many do you think? Is ten enough?” he rasps voice much rougher than before, all you can do is moan into the table, feeling the arousal shooting straight to your core. “Answer me, you know the rules!” Dean demands, as a hard smack connects with your skin. 

You manage to muffle the scream of surprise behind your hand, not missing the chuckle that it pulls from the man behind you. “S-Sorry father,” you whimper as your grip on the table tightens, “Whatever you say is right. I trust you,” you breathe out shakily, dropping your forehead onto the table as the second slap comes down just as hard on the other cheek, pulling a shaky moan from your already parted lips. 

Dean quickly rips your thin panties from your body and tucks them into his back pocket.

You cry out against the wood, rolling your hips back into his hands, the next three slaps are against the same cheek, just as hard as the first. Your whimpering his name as his hand smoothes over the tender skin. You can feel yourself sweating against the table, stomach clenching and your pussy fluttering around nothing. He quickly evens out the slaps on your other cheek, three hard slaps coming down in quick succession on the other side. You have to stop yourself from clamping your legs together, when his fingers slip easily between your dripping folds.

“Such a good girl for me baby, look at that sexy ass. So fuckin’ pretty, all red for me baby.” he groans loudly. Your ass feels like it’s on fire in the best way possible, every nerve ending in your entire body is at attention. You’re so close already, with the way that he’s been edging you and you know he knows it. “You doin’ okay baby?” Dean asks gently, bending down to press his lips to your ass.

“So good, so good Dean” you whimper breathlessly.

Your entire body clenches and your eyes squeeze shut when he slaps your pussy, nowhere near as hard as the ones on your ass but it feels amazing nonetheless. Quickly followed by another sharp slap, which almost makes your legs collapse beneath you. 

“You did so good baby, so fuckin’ perfect.” he praises you, pressing gentle kisses to your skin, his tongue running through your sensitive folds.

There’s a knock at the door as Dean helps you up from the desk and presses his lips to yours, “Under the desk, i promise we will finish up as soon as I get rid of them,” 

Sighing you lower your dress and slip beneath his desk, whimpering when the heels of your feet press into your tender ass. Hearing the door unlock as you get as comfortable as possible.

Dean takes his seat at the desk, careful that when he pulls the chair in he doesn’t hurt you. 

“Come in,” he calls just as you get an idea, sliding your hands up his thick thighs and you quickly unbuckle his belt as the door opens. 

Dean’s legs fall open and his muscles tense when you unbutton his pants and pull down the zipper.

“Father Winchester, I’m sorry to interrupt. I was told you might know, I was just wondering if you’d seen sister Y/N, she seems to be missing,” the young priest asks nervously, as one of Dean’s hands slips beneath the desk and pushes into your hair.

You tug his pants and boxers down just enough to release his thick length, holding back the moan when you seal your lips around the head of his cock. 

“As far as I’m aware she had to leave. Family emergency,” Dean explains quickly, biting his lip when you take him as deep as you can.

Dean’s fingers tighten in your hair when you start to bob your head over him, sliding easily up and down his length, enjoying the way that his free hand is clenched around the arm of the chair. “Oh, my apologies sir. Sorry for bothering you, I’ll leave you to your work.” 

Dean realises that he suddenly doesn’t trust his voice, with a stiff nod of his head, he holds up his hand and the young man leaves. 

The second the door closes, Dean pulls you up from the floor and presses a rough but chaste kiss to your lips, “Fuck I love you,” he groans standing from the chair.

“Love you too baby, we should do this more often,” you grin, pulling your skirt back up around your waist, loving the way he licks his lips watching every bit of new skin that’s revealed to him.

When Dean pushes you back, he lifts you, dropping your ass carefully onto the desk. Pulling you right to the edge, he lines his cock up with your entrance and slides right inside your wet heat. Your legs hook over his hips as you lean back on your hands. 

“Just might have to take you up on that sweetheart,” he groans watching his cock slip inside you and back out with every slow thrust of his hips.

You throw your head back as your climax starts to build all over again, “Fuck, so close” you whine, as your lips part, “Have I been a good girl father?” you question behind your moan, as Dean slams back inside you.

“Oh you’ve been such a good girl for me sister, let it go when you're ready. Come all over my cock,” Dean growls, feeling your pussy clench around him, your whimpers slowly getting louder.

“Look at me,” he finally demands, as he picks up a more brutal pace and his hand presses over your mouth. You look at him breathing hard and fast behind his hand. Your entire body shivers, your eyes start rolling as your body aches and arches. 

You scream his name behind his hand, sweat covering your clothed bodies. Your entire body shaking as you fall apart around him. 

Dean pulls your shaking body against him and your arms wrap around his neck, your forehead drops against his shoulder, clinging to his back tightly. Dean pulls your legs higher, those strong fingers digging into your thighs and you know he’s getting close, hips are stuttering and his grip on you is unyielding. 

“Fuck, you feel so good, my dirty girl. Gonna make me come.” Dean moans loudly against your shoulder, teeth dragging across your skin.

You press your lips to his ear, “You make me so wet Dean, come on baby do it, fill me up.” you pant breathlessly, as your knees dig into his ribs. Dean whimpers, his grip on your thighs tightening when he finally lets go and his orgasm hits him hard, his hips slow down. 

Neither of you wanted to let go.

Then Dean’s phone starts ringing again. Finally Dean pulls his softening cock from inside you, a whimper falling past your lips as you sort out your clothes, already missing his touch. 

“Sammy, calm down!” Dean laughs quietly, nodding although the younger man can’t see him, tucking his cock back in his pants, you help him do them up as he continues to talk. “Yeah, we’re on our way. Okay, yeah. We’ll see you soon,” Dean replies, before hanging up the phone.

“He’s panicking isn’t he?” you ask with a smile, your breathing finally returning to normal. 

“Oh yeah, big time. I am the big brother right?” he chuckles, watching the way your smile only grows, “Filthy fucking mind, you have.” Dean grins, pulling you into a sweet kiss.

“Right, I’ve got the dirty mind father.” you smirk, sliding off the desk with a pained whimper. “You’ve got a lot of ass kissing to do when we get home Winchester, literally.” you warn him playfully, straightening his collar and brushing down his jacket.

“Oh with pleasure sweetheart, now let’s get out of here.” Dean winks, unlocking the door, with you following dutifully behind him.

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[angrypedestrian]

THE TIME IDIOTS EPISODE 601 TITLED “It has been zero episodes since we did something fucked up with Gary” MY THOUGHTS:

Previously on The CW Presents Warner Brothers Characters We Don’t Care About BUT ALSO You Can’t Make Them Canonically Gay: I dunno, Tala got some kittens? They seem real cute. ZARLIE KISSED?????

How have you all been? Exhausted? Yeah same

Been a long year, and our reward....is this

I tried out the beta new post maker thing and they do NOT let you do nestled bullet points and I realize this because I am the only person who almost exclusively uses tumblr on desktop but I do not care! I need the nestled bullets!!!! So many of my stupid jokes are bullet point based!!

i NEED them for EMPHASIS

I would also like to thank NBC and The CW for really coming together so that I can watch my two favorite smooth brain shows back to back: LOT and Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, perhaps our nation’s MOST smooth brained show

which is saying something. but they really put the work in to hold the title week in and week out and it must be respected

Anyways welcome back I am already so tired of everyone and everything related to this shit show, much like television’s dominic purcell

rip to him i truly hope the writers absolutely torture him this year

Lol he got the previously on of course

=( charlie thanks for the REMINDER show

can’t make anyone canonically gay who isn’t a new character but we can show a full frame shot of a bong

equality

“and several punks” gideon I know you don’t care for subcultures but you def know these people’s names you’re basically a god

WOW CAN’T BELIEVE I HATE THIS INTRO EVEN MORE NOW BUT I DO

i know this is an unpopular opinion but I don’t care!!! it sucks!!!

Zari noooooo you love him. You’re gonna love him

and luckily this show is silly and believes in love and will be the one relationship where john’s lover isn’t murdered or sent to hell or ruined or....insert some sort of befalling here

i like this

i will not entrench on @zaritarazi‘s beat re: mick and references to him fucking, that’s her domain please see her blog for that analysis

Yes I will be bringing back the Neal McDonough Memorial Can Get It Award and this week they will be going to the punk outfits obviously they are only rivaled by the western outfits

Oh boy legends uncanny ability to get the worst historical renactors continues

except for obama, that one was good

though the guy can do a good vocal impersonation i’ll give him that. but his chin is too weak

you can’t give us footage of charlie like this

MISS YOU

lolllllllllll homoromativity

this is what you get. you get sucked into a spaceship

a lesson for us all

zari’s bi bob is truly fantastic. well done everyone

god i wish i could’ve been in the room when phil and co came up with this nonsense

okay okay we need something to pitch to the network so we can keep our jobs wait i fucking GOT IT ALIENS

keto:....yeah sure fine why not

a binder is always a cry for help you know that girl

the checklist did make me laugh out loud

well that swing a dead cat line is some casual biphobia but ava is a lesbian what do you expect etc...

BUT LOLLLL like supergirl is gonna take your calls.

....can we get dreamer over on this show? that would be fun i would like that

zari 1 and 2.0 both openly loving men’s asses....you love to see

“I’M AN ASTROLOGER YOU NEED AN ASTRONOMER”

this is the stupidest thing i’ve ever heard put in the pantheon of top 10 lines ever spoken by any character

ava’s crushing realization that they are unfortunately experts vs. nate’s unending enthusiasm to be an expert

Behrad i love you so much and would never want to be near you if you were a real person

this large buff man seems very familiar but i can’t figure out why

well that’s this episode’s cgi budget

tho i am curious if they’ve finally gotten more money now that arrow and black lightning are over

caity fighting that alien: now that’s what i call...acting

alright she does have a point that being an Avenger is stupid

no good has ever come from that

we can afford an alien AND mick’s gun, wow yeah we do got a budget this year boys!!!

holy shit these alien looks are fantastic

now phil don’t sped all that money in one place

rip 2 dick hardbody he died like how he lived: hard

but for real these prosthetics actually look? good????

zari....what is your knowledge base of alistar crowley that you can say anything about him is common knowledge. genuinely curious here

hey, where IS gary. adam’s a regular this year right? i need that big doofy smile in my life!!

oh no....garold

..........

GAROLD????

to be serious for a moment: his story line has actually been really fascinating, whether that has been purposeful or not has yet to be determined, but it’s there!

...i love that the show IMMEDIATELY makes me retract everything I say as soon as I say it by making him an alien WHAT

this is so fucking stupid and not good

and i KNOW you decided this like the day before you started shooting but not a great excuse!

nate and ava IS ftm mtf friend solidarity no i will never elaborate

i have known spooner for 2 seconds and if anything happens to her i will kill all of you and then myself

AN EMMY FOR TALA AN EMMY JUST FOR HOW SHE SAID CHRYSALIS

subsequently: AN EMMY FOR ADAM

the alien boss’s name is kayla???

honestly that is incredible

welp it has been 35 minutes and we have our first bondage of the season. is that a record? it might be

when will phil’s reign of terror end

also yep 22nd century communications technology can just be wrapped in some copper wire and hacked just fine

that tracks sure

honestly how is the flash still on

also gary couldn’t have found you a better weapon other than that clunky ass pipe?

Behrad sounding as suspicious as humanly possible when saying that they are time travelers and this is their time ship

very reassuring behrad well done

wow she’s only been here for like 5 minutes and she already has to drink goo??

and john has not drunk one goo yet????

cruel

omg that ugly ass ring is going to save her. the power of love truly

for real tho it’s ugly as hell ava better ask for a better one

ngl i missed that whole scene after she broke the ice door bc i was texting my girlfriend about the gary as an alien thing

she also thinks it is stupid

because it really is

Anyways at least John and Zari are in love

john loves zari, zari loves her phone, and his dick

astra loves tormenting john

the circle of life

god astra i wish you could detach yourself from these morons, you deserve many fantastic snakeskin clothing items and not whatever nonsense you are going to endure next

the only true throughline for this entire show is gideon only wanting to torment humans, she is the only character i will ever respect

truly just.....did not think a single thing through with gary’s storyline yeah?

we all deserve better than this, but ESPECIALLY adam

Next week: Goo!!!!! And Behrad in a little hat