#as someone who’s been in that position? a parent absent for reasons outside of control? yeah it’s sucks. and I love them and they love me

[zeb-z]

I just think Tallulah gets to be upset about this. “It’s not Wilbur’s fault” “He’s not a bad dad” “He loves his daughter so much” yes! These are all true! And it’s not his fault! But he’s still not there. And Tallulah has gone through so much and still hasn’t seen him, the one time he was around was the one time she wasn’t, and all she has are letters and “I’m thinking of you always” and things that used to be theirs together, but he’s still not there. She’s waited and she’s been patient and she’s loved him all the same, and he’s still not there. Like yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, from the happy milestones to the traumatic events, he’s still not there.

She knows that it’s not his fault, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s absent. That in and of itself just adds to the sorrow, because she knows why he’s gone, and she’s been told time and time again it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, she knows this - it doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting, that it doesn’t hurt, that she doesn’t yearn for her father to be there more than anything in the world, and he’s just not there.

So yes, she gets to be upset, and be caustic, and stomp her feet and write bitter messages, and be angry and vitriolic, because she’s a little girl missing her father, who feels things with her whole heart and soul - and that means she gets to feel the ugly parts of it, too.

[the-lone-witch-and-secret-room]

Thoughts on Alador and Odalia in Clouds on the Horizon

So I’ve been meaning to address this either way, but I’ve also been getting a bunch of asks re: my thoughts on how Alador’s been handled in the latest episodes.

Short answer: I did not like it.

Long answer: the gist of it is that I think he’s a good idea of a character that was not handled very well and made worse by how the show handled Odalia.

From the reactions I’ve seen in the fandom, this is going to be an unpopular take. But I feel like others might need to hear this, especially if they feel similarly to me and feel as alone with their thoughts in this fandom as I have since Clouds on the Horizon aired.

I’ll be going over the topic in depth under the cut, be aware that it’ll be long, and, for obvious reasons, abuse TW.

Reblogging is allowed and encouraged as long as you’re respectful about it.

I’m also well aware that this is a pretty resigned post in places, perhaps undeservedly so, but I’m just extremely frustrated and honestly exhausted.

But let’s get into it, shall we?

So from what I gather from Clouds on the Horizon, Alador Blight was supposed to be an actually caring if somewhat absent dad who is abused by his wife and only goes along with her because he’s scared for his kids.

I want to make it very clear here that it’s not the basic concept here I take issue with. I actually think this sounds great on paper, both in portraying that adult men can also be the victims of relationship abuse (physical or verbal) which is super important because that’s something society doesn’t take seriously at all and because it’s nice to see the dad take responsibility and be there for his kids for a change, seeing as even outside of scenarios like this that’s still something that usually falls to the mom.

As for how this was handled… well, that was actually worse than I feared it to be.

Clouds on the Horizon was the first Owl House episode that I was genuinely scared of watching and actually put off watching for hours because I had a feeling they were going to redeem at least one of the Blight parents, but holy shit, even knowing they had way too little time to pull this off no matter which way it went, this was awful.

I want to stress that I in general have massive caveats with abusive parent redemption arcs in media, for a variety of reasons—the main one being that they give false and outright dangerous hopes to actual abused kids that their parents, too, can and will change, and that that change will stick, just to get them crushed all over again. In real life, an abusive parent apologizing is far more likely to be a technique to get the victim back under their control—that’s actually called the “honeymoon phase/reconciliation period” and is one of the big phases in the cycle of abuse, meant to make sure the victim stays with their abuser because “it isn’t all bad”. So seeing an abuser promising betterment treated as something positive, especially if the piece of media doesn’t at least go the extra step to point out how it’s often not genuine, that’s actively dangerous and will hurt real abused kids watching.

Alador, in the narrative they went with, is a bit of a… special case, because as of Clouds, the writers just seem to have decided to pretend he was never an abusive parent in the first place. He paid too little attention to his kids, sure, but that’s just because he was “protecting” his kids and his actual demon of a wife didn’t allow him to take days off.

They really did just take any and all of his accountability away completely and pinned everything on Odalia.

Which sucks because, let me be very clear here, the fact that he’s abused does not give him an excuse to abuse his kids in turn. It sucks that that’s happening to him, sure, but he still hurt his kids, and that hurt doesn’t become forgivable just because he was struggling.

I don’t have an issue with the show writers choosing to portray Alador as an abuse victim, but I do have a huge issue with the show then saying this negates his role as an abuser.

Someone can be abused and abusive at the same time. Those aren’t mutually exclusive.

Abused people sometimes perpetuate their abuse onto others.

For example: one of my former bullies was dealing with pretty major issues herself and that sucks for her and I’m sorry she went through these things but it still didn’t make it okay for her to hurt me and it didn’t mean I forgave her when I found out.

I take a lot of issue with the fact that Alador never apologized, and like I said, he’s not really held accountable by the show in Clouds and beyond, which bothers me a ton.

You know who is held accountable far more than him? His kids.

Amity spent ages making things up to Willow because that she was being hurt wasn’t an excuse for her to be shitty to others. And you can argue here that she thought she was protecting Willow, and even “helping” her. But she still hurt her. And the show addresses that. And she’s reprimanded for that. And Willow gets the time and space to figure out to which extent she wants to forgive her. Which I think they did very well in Labyrinth Runners with Willow getting to tell Amity what she takes issue with.

Speaking of that episode: what was up with the amount of bashing that was going around the fandom for Amity having a trauma reaction and not wanting to lose Willow again? She spent so long making things up to her and is still struggling with that and is struggling to reconcile their relationship of kid Willow that needed protecting vs. older Willow that’s confident and can take care of herself, which, for the record, is normal. Amity wants to make up for not protecting her better as kids in that episode. She’s not maliciously mistreating her. Willow knows this. She’s fine with giving Amity time to get to know her again.

Yet all of Amity’s actually fleshed out redemption arc isn’t enough for y’all not to jump her for the slightest misstep, while Alador gets a pat on the back for the bare minimum?

The twins are held way more accountable than him too. They start out having an awful relationship with Amity and crossing a line with their plan of posting her diary all over school. But Luz calls them out on how shitty that is, and they spend the rest of the series making up for it. Amity says in Adventures in the Elements that they’ve been extra nice to her to make things up to her. And that they apologize a lot. And going forward they support her. (I’ve seen a lot more people suspicious of Ed and Em not being the devil incarnate after Adventures in the Elements than I’ve seen people critical of Alador’s redemption which is weird also.)

We get to see the Blight kids grow into better siblings for each other, to the point that in the end, Amity is even comfortable crying in front of them and venting to them when she’s frustrated. They even know how to make her feel better.

And this is coming out of a relationship where the kids have always been played out against each other. We see this again in CotH—Odalia literally held Amity accountable for the twins acting out when she wasn’t responsible for that at all.

So, toh has been relatively good when it comes to the narrative that being hurt doesn’t mean you get to hurt others with no consequences in regards to the Blight kids specifically. Which is great, and important, and something we need more of.

But how does it handle Alador, compared to his kids?

It pulls a “plot twist, it was the evil wife all along.” And “plot twist”, in this case, means “we’re just going to ignore all of his past behavior and the fact that this has absolutely zero buildup or hints in past episodes and throw this in completely out of nowhere”. Which is just not good writing.

It’d be great that they’re writing an abused husband breaking free from his wife, but… that’s not what’s happening. He’s not written to be an abused husband, or at least not well, and definitely not to be a blameless one. In all of the past episodes, he was a neglecting dad who had no issues standing up to his wife. But we’re just gonna ignore that now, because it was all secretly the evil woman and Alador obviously can’t be held accountable for his actions. He can’t need to apologize for neglecting his kids for years. Really, he was always such an incredible, wholesome dad being forced to be awful!

I don’t know if that’s just me but it very much felt like they just replaced Alador with a completely different character in Clouds on the Horizon. Let’s take a look at how he was written in past episodes, shall we?

In the past, we’ve seen him:

1) join Odalia in telling Amity to cut ties with her best friend (Understanding Willow) which is… a poor introduction if they were always planning to go down the abused dad that’s not actually responsible for what he does to his kids-route?

Also if anyone feels the need to call Amity an unreliable narrator reading this, I’ve been over this, but please just… don’t. Please trust abused kids to understand what’s happening and who is hurting them. You do not know better than Amity. We haven’t seen this scene outside of her memory. She’s the only one who has. You just want an extra excuse to take all responsibility away from someone who has very much been abusive to Amity and her siblings in the past.

2) mostly being too disinterested to intervene or even pay attention to what Odalia is putting Amity’s friends through (Escaping Expulsion) to the point that he told them they’d be executed rather than expelled at first. He was completely impassive in that scene and rather than intervening, he kept playing with Bump’s Palisman.

Again, poor choice if you were gonna go down the “it wasn’t actually his fault at all”-route. It would’ve been so easy to put in a scene where he wants to do something with the kids but is manipulated into staying in the lab for longer, rather than looking way too content when Odalia is around and just have zero hints whatsoever that that’s what’s really going on. Or a scene where he fights with himself on whether to confront her and tell her she's going too far.

3) Speaking of Odalia, the fact that he not only stood up to her no problem or hesitation in Escaping Expulsion once he finally deemed it necessary to intervene (which took way too long considering his wife was using his creations to beat up a friend of his daughter), but that he outright manipulated her, knowing exactly what he needed to say to get her to agree to what he wanted.

This doesn’t match up at all with how he’s portrayed later. Why not show him as fearful of his wife and hesitating because of that, rather than have him be impassive and distracted, when this is the story you want to tell?

Why have him seem manipulative and like he’s helping Amity for all the wrong reasons without as much as a single hint to his actual intentions?

Why make him look awful by making it seem like he could have intervened in his wife’s abuse years ago but just didn’t care enough, if it was always supposed to be the fear of his wife that kept him from intervening?

4) The way he’s acting in Reaching Out, especially at the beginning. Just… why. Why make him act like that if this is the context. Why make him not only actively ignore his child’s wishes when she’s telling him what she wants but try to force her to go to coven tryouts against her will? Why send an Abomiton with her to make sure she shows up? If it was always supposed to be just Odalia, why not at least have him say “I’m sorry, but your mother would never agree to letting you miss trials” or anything along those lines? Even just a minor hint that this isn’t what he wants?

Add to this the fact that he doesn’t interact with his kids to the point that he didn’t know Amity had been dating Luz for weeks. Which is neglecting. Which he’s been for years and which is absolutely not up for debate, or at least shouldn’t be.

Add the fact that other people have to point out to him that he’s been an awful dad, rather than having him realize it himself. Eda and his own kids have to tell him to do better. If he’s been hurting his kids to protect them, how the hell did he supposedly not realize he was hurting them?

Add the fact that he doesn’t even realize how much he’s hurt Amity, that after everything he did to hurt her and after she had to tell him he was doing a terrible job at parenting, he thinks it’s acceptable to just hug her at the first sign of being given a chance because he doesn’t grasp the severity of what he’s done.

He doesn’t hold himself accountable. He doesn’t apologize.

He kept assuming that joining the Emperor’s Coven was Amity’s dream and didn’t even realize that was just what his wife wanted. That’s how little attention he paid to her.

He says he likes Amity’s hair, and despite being supposedly so scared of his wife in the new episode, he says he’ll talk to her.

5) The fact that after Labyrinth Runners, Amity tells Luz her methods of communication were taken away and she was grounded, which leaves the options as either Alador is paying so little attention to his kids again that he’s conveniently unaware, or is aware of the punishment but doesn’t intervene, both right after he told Amity things would change.

This all combined very much paints a picture of a husband and father who has accountability, and who can intervene in his wife’s abuse, but repeatedly chooses not to.

And then Clouds on the Horizon happens, and decides to just ignore that completely.

Alador is not written as an abused father in a way that we as the viewers could pick up on, or that we could go back and see the older episodes in a new light, because this is never even vaguely hinted at. It just ends up coming across like his character is super inconsistent, like I said, I very much felt like I was watching an entirely different person all of a sudden.

Yes, you have probably seen theories about Alador being an excellent dad that’s secretly abused by his evil wife before this episode. Hell, I definitely have. But that’s not because there were any hints. People just ran with him being an “interesting character” meaning he’s a wholesome wonderful person regardless of what was happening in the show and love to vilify women in general.

And even if he was written as a realistic, good, perfect portrayal of a man that’s abused by his wife and him breaking free from her would feel earned and well done, I still would not be comfortable with the way they handled his accountability in comparison to Amity’s. I can’t stress this enough, but that he is abused does not mean his abuse towards his children is acceptable. It doesn’t mean the hurt he caused them isn’t real. It doesn’t mean his children owe him forgiveness. That there’s a reason for why someone acts the way they do doesn’t mean they aren’t to blame for the pain they cause others in the process. There’s no scenario in which I would’ve been content with how they handled that part.

Also, can we talk about how at the slightest sign of change, Alador is immediately forgiven by the fandom for years of abuse that Amity herself hasn’t even forgiven him for? And that people are now acting like he was always an incredible dad?

All while bashing the hell out of Camila who was never abusive and is repeatedly shown to love and support Luz and her creativity? She’s not perfect but the main issue she and Luz have is that they don’t talk to each other enough and aren’t similar enough to understand each other without that. Camila is trying, and we see her try, and we see her be a good parent to Luz and to Vee, but she continuously gets put down and called an awful parent.

I had someone tell me they think Willow’s and Gus’s parents should have been called out for… initially being mad at their kids for being expelled because of actions that they actually committed?

Not Alador. Alador gets to abuse his kids for years and then be patted on the back and widely congratulated for doing the absolute bare minimum.

Interesting double standards to have, considering Alador is a white man and he gets cut so much more slack than the flawed parents of color in the show.

Also @ certain parts of the fandom, reading Alador as autistic does not make this better. It actually makes it worse. Looking at an autistic adult and babying him because “he’s on the spectrum of course he’d struggle to be a decent parent to his kids to the point where he straight-up abuses them, you can’t blame him for that 🥺” is fucking ableist! He’s an adult, not a little kid! Treat autistic adults as adults, for fuck’s sake! Same goes for headcanoning him with adhd!

But I don’t want this reply to focus entirely on Alador because really, he’s not the only character whose writing I was upset about.

Odalia in Clouds on the Horizon was… uh… a choice.

I’m not sure if I can put into words properly how deeply uncomfortable her portrayal made me. She’s an abusive parent and an awful person, that is not in question and will never be, but Jesus fucking Christ. There’s a significant difference between a realistic abusive parental figure (and spouse), which she used to be and which is amazing to have in children’s media because of how rare it is, and her going full cartoon villain in Clouds.

She crosses the line from realistic portrayal to complete caricature. Real people don’t act like that. There’s a world between child abuse and not only attempted murder but being complicit in genocide.

I think that really takes away from the show’s portrayal of abuse in general because it makes it feel less real.

There was really no reason for them to have Odalia be this vicious evil. If they’d toned it down somewhat, had made her not know about the day of unity and just interrupt when they try to tell her because she doesn’t care what happens to their products post being bought, that would’ve changed a lot for me already without even changing much about the episode.

Even Belos is portrayed as more layered and sympathetic than she is, which really does say something. They couldn’t have leaned into the crazy evil woman trope any harder if they’d tried.

And all of this combined was immensely triggering and upsetting to me, as someone who’s suffered through years of verbal abuse from not only bullies but people I considered my friends. People that were controlling and laughed it off when I told them I was uncomfortable, that ditched me at the drop of a hat, that repeatedly put me down and gaslit me and never once apologized, some of them still pretending to be my friends during all this. Either not noticing how much they hurt me, or pretending not to notice while they really just didn’t care.

And they were kids at the time, not even adults like Alador is, who are really on a whole other level of accountability than minors are, especially when it comes to treating their own children who they hold so much power and responsibility over.

I sat there and cried after watching Clouds on the Horizon, and not for any of the reasons the show wanted me to cry.

It made me so deeply uncomfortable that I couldn’t enjoy the episode at all. I won’t be able to rewatch it. There’s so much about it that I love, so many wonderful character decisions it made, but I can’t enjoy it because it’s coupled with all this. I can’t even be happy about one of my favorite fictional couples kissing in a moment that’s actually historical for Disney because this episode made me feel so empty and drained. I can’t rewatch an episode with one of the most adorable kisses in TV history, and have to convince myself not to be too happy about the kiss because it’ll make me even more upset about never being able to rewatch the episode. I have to hope we’ll get another kiss in an episode that isn’t this triggering to me.

A part of me is frustrated with myself because I trusted this show to do better. What did I expect? Of course the woman is viciously evil. Of course you can’t have a healthy relationship where the woman is in charge. Of course a girl’s pain and trauma is less important than showcasing that the man who was partially responsible for said trauma was actually always a good person who can’t be held accountable at all. Of course an abused child had to work for forgiveness and atone for her actions for months and still isn’t fully forgiven, while her dad doesn’t have to even apologize.

I love this show. I think it does a lot of things right and a lot of things well and has made a lot of important steps in the right direction.

But Clouds on the Horizon really, really hurt me. And perhaps worst of all, I’m stuck feeling pretty much alone with this. I’m afraid of speaking up on it because I’m scared people will shoot me down, that they’ll tell me my pain is less important than the poor decisions a writing team made about a fictional abusive man.

It’s not like it’d be the first time members of this fandom put me down and minimize my experiences and my feelings and my pain over something like that. You can disagree with my opinion on this topic, and on any other, but that doesn’t mean you’re ever allowed to weaponize my trauma and use it against me.

I went back and forth a lot about whether to make a post on this, and whether to put it in the fandom tags if I do, because of the bad experiences I’ve had with this in the past. But I’ve decided in favor of both because I need to voice this, not just for me, but for other people who feel like this and who might be feeling as alone with it as I do in a fandom where no one seems to share their thoughts.

If anyone needs a safe space to vent about this, you have it here. You may use this blog in any way you’d like. If you feel most comfortable with that, use asks on anon and I won’t tag them anything except for triggers. My DMs and the comment section of this post are also open to anyone who needs to get something out of their system. Just please make sure to not share any real names or locations, and if you reblog this and add to it make sure to include trigger warnings in case any of your followers might need them.

Stay safe and take care of yourself. If the episode was too much for you, that’s okay. If you need time to recover, take that time. If you can’t take seeing all the posts praising Alador and joking about the whole thing, please remember that it’s okay to block tags, and it’s okay to take a break from social media for however long you need. It’s valid to feel that way. Please do what’s best for you.

[jiminsasscracck]

sugar rush ↠ jjk

яєαℓιѕтι𝖈 αυ!

gєηяє:  drabble, realistic/idol au, foreigner au

ωαяηιηgѕ: none lol

ωσя∂ѕ: 4987

ωяιттєη ву: Skyler

ѕυммαяу: One may argue there is no such thing called ‘luck.’ You would agree, all you wanted was a bag of Sour Neon Worms and nothing else.

The list went on forever. When you rolled out the beige-coloured paper out of your pocket, the list almost hit the bottom of the car and your eyes widened. Hyunbin had written whatever he could on the list, from five different types of coca-cola to the six different types of chocolate. 

“What’s the matter? Why the grumpy face?” Your friend questioned you with a soft chuckle. Without racing your gaze to meet her eyes, you turned the long list around, so she could read it all. She — along with the four other girls Hyunbin sent you to the market with, all laughed out loudly. 

“What can I say, he has no self-control. And besides, Hyunbin was enough of a gentleman to give us his credit card”, your second friend said while she burst out laughing, waving the black credit card Hyunbin gave you to buy all the supplies. 

“But not enough of a gentleman to follow us to the store in this weather?” You mumbled and eyed the grey sky on the outside of the car. Your friend in the passenger seat gave you a soft push, still laughing. “Come on, he needs to fix his apartment. Whatever he meant by that.” 

Hyunbin’s voice rang through your head again; I need to fix my apartment! You girls go, we boys will stay here and clean this place for when you get back! If it was up to you, his apartment was already clean enough. For it to be five girls and six boys inside, including him, it was rather neat inside his apartment. He lived alone, had a high ceiling and different rooms for all of you to a sleepover with. Therefore, the reason that his apartment was dirty was pure lies. He was either going to drink up all the alcohol or have a ‘boys-time’ with the rest of the boys in his apartment. 

“Someone call Hyun, we won’t be able to carry all of this”, you said and nodded to the list one final time. You unbuckled your belt and pulled the hood of your hoodie over your head, to prevent the tiny drops of rain to ruin your hair. “Let’s go, ladies.” 

You all left your black car and took quick steps to the huge supermarket. You wrapped your arms over your chest to prevent the heat from your — Hyunbin’s hoodie, to leave your body. Your black Adidas-leggings felt like a thin piece of paper when you walked in the cold, but you were soon greeted by the warmth of the supermarket on the inside. 

Even at such an hour and at this gloomy weather, the supermarket was surprisingly filled with more people than you anticipated. One of your friends grabbed the red basket to pull behind her; then the shopping started. 

You soon realised it would take too much time this way. If all five of you walked together like this, it would take you hours to get everything on the list Hyunbin wrote. Therefore, you all split up into groups. You and the other girl went to the cold supplies, while the three other girls took a picture of the list and trailed their way. 

“So, you and Hyunie”, your friend winked while elbowing you softly as you made your way to the freezers. “You’re wearing his hoodie, I see.” 

“He’s an idiot”, you answered, which caused your friend to laugh out loudly. “But I have to admit, he is cute.” 

“I think he has a thing for you”, your friend hummed. You hummed back as an answer — a hidden smile formed on your lips. Though you were not interested in Hyunbin that way, it did surely boost your ego when your friend mentioned him liking you. He invited all of to his apartment to celebrate your birthday which passed three months ago, but he had spent a few months in Korea with his father and missed your birthday. He returned only a couple of days ago, and almost immediately wanted to throw a little party for you with your closet friends. 

His gestures always warmed your heart, however, you were uncertain if it was all his Korean humbleness or if there was something else behind his actions. Maybe that’s why he wanted alone time with the boys back at his apartment, to discuss his emotions. 

In the middle of your thoughts, a specific object caught your attention, causing you to to an imitate stop and head twisting completely to the side. Your friend continued walking a couple of steps until she noticed your stop. She turned around and asked you what the matter was, but you left her silent. 

There, down there with exotic colours, a bag of Sour Neon Worms rested. How many years had it been since you ate them? You remembered clearly how much you loved them as a child. Now as an adult, you’d almost forgotten how they tasted like. A wave of nostalgia overpowered you, who were you fooling — you had completely forgotten how they tasted like, and you needed to remember.

“Sour worms”, you said slowly and let your hood slowly glide off your head as you turned back to your friend. “Come on, do you know how many years it has been?! I had no idea they were still in sale, let’s get a bag or two!” 

“I don’t think Hyunbin would approve, it’s his money”, your friend quickly argued. You rose one of your eyebrows and showed her the long list again. 

“He wants us to buy all this and can’t afford a bag sour worms? He won’t even notice we bought them.” Your friend easily gave in — pulling a bad joke how you would need to blow him off if he became mad, but quickly changed her route down the shelves to the package you saw. You squealed the entire way, causing the two men also looking on the candy shelf to give you a side-eye, but you could not be bothered. Your steps increased in size to reach the small bag faster, and you soon reached the shelf-

You could not reach them.

“What... What the fuck!” you cussed and jumped up on the air, your nails brushing against the bag of the colourful candies. “Are you kidding me?!” Your friend caught up with you, but not much to your surprise, she was not able to reach the bag either. 

“What idiot would place kids candy so high?” you hissed and tried jumping again. Just as the first time, you had no luck. There was no chair or anything else near the two of you to reach the bags, they were peacefully resting on the shelf unbothered while you were growing more frustrated. 

Your friend elbowing your ribs caught your attention and caused your jumping to a stop. When you turned to her, you noticed her blue eyes trail past you, down the hallway and to the two men a couple of metres away from the two of you. The same men who eyed you up and down when you squealed. One of them had his back faced you and the other one was snickering underneath the mask he had to cover half of his face, you could point it out by the way wrinkle formed by his eyes. 

The one with his back faced towards you seemed to be at least a head or two taller than you, he could easily grab the package of candy for you. He was dressed in all black, a bucket hat on top of his head and black hair sticking out in a faded undercut.

“They’re Korean”, your friend whispered in your ear. “You know, just like Hyunbin.” 

“Who cares, looks like one of them can reach the shelf.” 

Your friend giggled softly at your determination to get the candy package, who would have thought you were an adult you could drive and smoke, yet the only thing you wanted was a package of sour worms? She remained in place while you made your way up to the Korean men, the one facing you slowly letting his eyes meet yours and his snickering disappearing. 

You gulped down your saliva and placed a hand on the man facing away from you, your entire body stiffening when you felt him stiffen at your touch. Now when you approached him, you could point out he was staring down at his phone and must have blocked out any other sounds coming from around him. He slowly turned around to face you, him being much taller than you and causing you to tilt your head up to meet his eyes and, woah. 

To be someone who is quite laid back, the way his round eyes met your caused your breath to hitch in your throat. Unlike the other man, he was not wearing a mask, which flashed you his perfect skin. His lips were in a straight line and a slight frown flashed upon his face when his round eyes met yours. His black FILA shirt hugged his well-toned body tightly; it all even became worse for your heart when he closed his phone and put his hands into the pockets of his black sweatpants. 

‘Oh god, I hope he speaks English’ you thought for yourself. You remembered when you meet Hyunbin’s parents for the first time — their English was close to absent. Luckily for you, you picked up on some Korean and was able to leave a good impression on his parents, but right now you were way too nervous to speak any Korean with this man. You could barely utter out a word in English to him. 

“Do you think you could....” you started, your usually confident voice becoming an octave lower. You twisted your back the slightest bit to point at the candy bag, only two or three metres away from you. “Reach the bag?” His eyes followed your finger and to the bag you were pointing out. Your friend gave an awkward wave with her hand, clearing her throat discreetly. 

He turned around to his friend, who shrugged his shoulders underneath the olive-green jacket, and eventually, he walked up to the shelf. 

His hands easily grabbed the candy-bag, he did not even need to stand on his toes. He turned around and handed you the bag, and you automatically handed it to your friend behind you. “One more, please.” 

“One more?” he repeated this time, his voice way darker than you thought. You nodded your head and he did as he was told, he grabbed onto one more bag and handed you the candy bag. 

“I-I... Thank you”, you managed to stutter out. ‘Damn it, why did I put on a hoodie? I’m dying of heat in here.’ You grabbed onto your hoodie and fluttered it away from your sticking body on the other side. ‘Should I flash him my Korean? Wait, am I even positive he is Korean?! Okay, yeah, his features are quite similar to Hyunbin but... Imagine if he wasn’t. I would die of embarrassment. He seems to understand English, he-’

“They good?” 

His dark and smoothing voice caught you off guard, all your thoughts disappearing into thin air as you blinked your eyes to focus on him. He was holding onto one of the bags in his large palms, his head twisted to the side to meet your eyes.

"Huh?" you found yourself saying at the surprise question you received from him. 

"Are they good?" he then rephrased, wiggling the bag of candies in his hand. His accent was there, he was not a native English speaker, but it was definitely was better than you excepted. Your eyes blinked to the side for a millisecond, your friends’ eyes met yours and she silently told you to answer his question before it became awkward.

"I mean, yeah", you said and stared down at your bag in your hand. "I can't remember how they taste like, it's been ages but... At least I think so." 

"You think so?" the man repeated, more to himself than to you. "Okay, then. I will also try." 

"Do you like sour candy?" 

At your question, he seemed to unsure what to answer. You did not know if it was due to him being uncertain what the word 'sour' meant, or if he was taken back by your answer. He stared at you for a few seconds, his eyes travelling to the man in his company who leaned onto the shelf on the other side. You saw the man dressed in black mouth the word sour to him, to which his friend only answered with yet another shrug. 

Suddenly, his eyes widened and met yours again. "Oh, sour!" he exclaimed, with a slightly different accent when pronouncing the word. "Yes, yes, I like sour! I like candy." 

"You know, I don't really like it but... I remember I used to love these", you chuckled and waved the bag in your hand. The man seemed relaxed now, his thin lips were curved into a soft smile and he twisted his entire body to face you. 

"You don't like? Why?" he questioned. You just shrugged your shoulder with a playful laugh, you simply grew out of it. However, you were not positive if he would answer you if you tried to explain how your taste-buds changed, therefore you simply answered with a shrug. 

The smile on your lips — and his for that reason, fell drastically when you felt a hand tug on your hood from behind. You were pulled back with such a strong force you fell onto the cold ground, the bag in your hand flying and landing by your friends feet. 

Your hand went up to trail the part of your throat where the hoodie almost chocked you and leaned over your shoulder to see a man, probably in his late thirties, also all dressed in black, stomp past and you and up to the Korean guy. The other person, who leaned on the shelf, instantly straightened his back when he noticed the older man coming through. The guy that just helped you stared at you with wide eyes, mouth hanging open as his instincts were to help you up from the floor. 

"No, Jungkook, don't do it. Just ignore her and let's go meet the others." 

He spoke in Korean, but you understood it all. Before anyone could utter out a word, the older man pulled the two away from the scene by grabbing onto their forearms. All three of them disappeared around the corner, their voices fading away the further they walked. 

"Dickhead!" Your friend called loudly after him. She bent down and grabbed the bag which flew from your hands and helped you up on your feet. "Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine. It just caught me by surprise", you said and patted down the dust on your leggings. Jungkook, he said? It rang a bell, maybe one of Hyunbin's friends were named Jungkook, you had an insane amount of deja vús when you heard his name. 'Just ignore her? Asshole. You could have told me to move away and I would have.' You were becoming more bitter the more you thought about it; what if he ruined Hyunbin's hoodie? Or strangled you to death? 

"That Jungkook better be a God or something, why else would he be so protected?" you bitterly joked while fixing your hoodie. 

"He probably is, he looked like on at least", your friend tried to joke, but she did not even earn a chuckle from you in return. Your eyebrows were still narrowed and your lips in a thin line. She could point out you were irritated by the wrinkle forming between your eyebrows. 

"Let's continue with the list, yeah?” she suggested awkwardly. “We've wasted more time than intended." 

"What list- Oh, that's right." 

You pulled the list of supplies out of your pocket again; this was why you were here to begin with. How could you have forgotten, a few minutes spent with a Korean guy and you already forgot what you were supposed to do. 

The two of you silently continued to check out the list, and eventually the three other girls joined you. They wondered why you were so slow — they were finished with all the dry supplies while you still had not filled half of the basket. You simply explained you would tell them everything in the car instead. 

You spotted Jungkook out of the corner of your eye multiple times, each time he was joined by a new Korea guy. It seemed as if this place must be a good place for Koreans, there was not one, two, three of four here but around ten people, all from the same friend-group. You noticed a few walking around with a camera, your interest definitely sparked but you were forced to twist your head the other way. You could afford anymore distractions, they all waited for you back at Hyunbin's parlament. 

"I called Hyunbin, by the way", one of your friends said. "He should be here any minute. We can fill half of the supplies in his car and the other in yours. What do you think?" 

"Sounds good to me", you hummed and checked off the last thing on the entire list. 'Gosh, why do we even need five litres of coca-cola?' you thought for yourself. 'I'm going to need something to hold me awake this entire night.'

"I'll be right back. I'll go grab myself a red-bull", you said. "Start checking out, I'll come join you as soon as possible." "Oh, get one for me to!" your friend called, and soon enough all of them wanted the energy drink. You flipped them off with the middle finger, a sneaky smile on your lips as you separated your way to go back to the cold refrigerators. 

‘I hope I did not end up on camera. I feel like I should know who those guys are... Damn, could they be a part of a drama? What was that drama I watched again... Descendant of the Sun?’ Your thoughts lingered away for a moment, you tried your best to avoid the Korean men in the supermarket in fear of being on camera. You had heard about the crazy things fans could do to anyone getting too close to a celebrity, and you were not about to catch a case with a celebrity you did now even know about. 

Jungkook, was it? 

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and googled the name, even after the first three digits his named popped up. You pressed onto the first suggestion that came up and your phone instantly flashed pictures of the same face you spoke to half an hour ago. 

Jeon Jungkook (1997) BTS.

‘What the fuck, BTS? That super famous KPOP band? Nononono, that can’t be it. Their fans are crazyyyy, if that was the case this supermarket would have been flooded by now.’ Your own thoughts went against you as you kept analysing the pictures, no, this had to be him. Everything looked the same, his nose, his eyes, his lips, there were no two ways about it. 

You placed a hand on your stomach as the adrenaline started flowing through your veins. You did know if you were considered lucky or doomed for speaking to him, it somewhat explained why you were tossed away by the older man. The other man you saw, with the olive-green jacket and mask, was called Kim Taehyung. Even though you could not see his entire face, his face structure resembled exactly the same Taehyung had, even the mole on the nose.

Since your head was facing down, you did know notice the muscular body approaching you from the front. You eyes were stuck on the text in front of you, you did not notice until your head bumped into a rather hard chest and forced you to raise your head. 

When you saw him at first, you let out a shriek and instantly closed your phone. You could almost feel the embarrassment flooding through you if he spotted you searching him up on your phone. 

You stood stiff in front of him, giving your eyes one last time to analyse him properly and to be certain this was him. His jawline was tightened, blue veins popping up on the side of his neck down his long-sleeved arm he had pulled up. And yes, that’s where you saw the tattoos. The last thing which confirmed this was the Jungkook you were talking to. 

“I...” he licked his lips as he fumbled with his fingers in front of him. He seemed to have a difficult time to form a sentence, and after a couple of seconds he simply said ‘sorry.’ 

“It’s fine!” you said quickly — almost too quickly. You were so paranoid about obsessive fans or cameras to be around you, you just wanted him to go away. However, he did the opposite. He heard the unnatural tone in your voice and tilted his head softly to the side. 

“You... hurt? Pain?” he questioned, his fingers trailing over his throat — the same spot you were strangled when you were pulled back. 

“No, no, I am fine! See?” You rubbed your palm against the sore spot on your throat, during the past thirty minutes the pain suggestively disappeared, you could barely feel it now. “I gotta go, thank you for worrying-” 

As you tried to walk past Jungkook’s colossal body, he grabbed a hold of your wrist and pulled you with him between two shelves, 

If that was any other guy, you would have thrown a fist in his face and stomped away. But knowing who he was, knowing what he was capable of doing, you obeyed as he pulled pressed your back against a shelf. He stood a few steps away from you, his eyes eyeing you up and down. His eyes left burning marks across your body, why did you come in a hoodie and leggings? 

“Are you... scare?” he spoke out slowly. If you were not scared from earlier, you definitely were now. 

“Who, me?” You questioned and he nodded. “N-no, why would I be scared?” 

“Hyung, he didn’t want you to hurt. He...was...protect — protecting, me.” 

“I know”, you answered. The older man must have been his bodyguard of some kind, knowing how many fans BTS have you did not blame him. Jungkook cocked his head to the side, eyes narrowing gently towards you. “You... know?” 

“I didn’t mean to bother you. I am short and you know, you are tall, the candy was in a high place but maybe I should not have bothered you. I don’t blame you.” 

Jungkook blinked his eyes, his brain probably picking up what you were saying and translating it into Korean. He stood still for a few seconds, one hand inside his pocket while the other hung loosely from his side. He made sure there was no one in the hallway the two of you stood in, before he took yet another step closer to you. 

“You no bother me.” His voice came out soft as a dance on roses, your chest rising together with his voice. Where were your friends? They must awkwardly stand up the check-out now, waiting for you to return with the red-bull. However, at this very moment, you could not even bother to think about your friends. You stood quiet and let Jungkook continue. 

Jungkook seemed to hesitate, he took a deep breath in and his eyes stared at you with words he was not able to say. “You look like angel”, he began to say slowly, his features open as he twisted the bucket hat on top of his head. “I was happy, when you came to me. I’ve been practising English, you know? I wanted to know you... better. But you seemed mad at me. Avoided me.” 

Your brain could truly not grasp what was going on. Jungkook called you an angel — which you certainly did not agree on when you were dressed like this, and he wanted to get to know you. You. You could not even imagine all the girls and boys who would have died to be in this position you were in now, you had no idea who he was until you googled him. Maybe destiny choose the wrong person? Or it could be the other way around, you had no idea.

“No, I’m not mad. I was just busy, look.” You pulled out the long list of supplies from your pocket, Jungkook’s eyes followed it as it folded out and a soft laugh left his lips. His laughter made your heart skip a beat, it was genuine, he was not trying to force it. 

“Okay, I see. Very good. Then, your name?” 

By now, you had thanked whoever controlled your fate from above to put you in this situation. You happily told him your name and extended your arm for him to shake, though you were aware of the different traditions they had in Korea. Jungkook, being the gentleman that he is, did not leave you hanging and shook your hand back. His hand was larger than yours by far, his fingers met on the other side and he let out another laugh. 

“You are small!” he said while laughing. “It is good. Not bad, it is very good.” 

“And you are... big”, you clapped back playfully and tapped his stone-hard chest lightly. You instantly spotted how your gestures boosted his ego — his manliness, and his muscles flexed underneath your fingertips. He tilted his head to the side playfully, a grin forming on his lips as the hand on his bucket hand trailed down to place on top of your hand.

The sound of your panicked friends calling your name ruined the moment for the two of you, they must have been waiting for you by the cashier now. You could almost feel the anxiety they must have while waiting for you, which was why you flashed Jungkook your last smile before jogging away. Jungkook wanted to call after you, when your body touched him his entire body heated up instantly, as if you had a magic effect on him. He patted down his sweatpants and pulled his shirt over his hipbones before he slowly made his way to reunite with his group, somewhat planning out  an idea to convince Namjoon to get your phone number. 

“Where are the drinks?!” your friend shirked once you made it to the cashier. You only grinned at her, a grin which spoke more than a thousand words, and it silenced her in a second. You paid for everything, even the bag of sour worms, and went to place everything into plastic bags. However, you noticed all the supplies were already placed in plastic bags, held by none other than Hyunbin himself. Hyunbin had a black shirt on, stuffed into his skinny jeans and a beanie covering his ears.

“My, my, looks who finally made it”, you teased. “Told you it was a bit too much, yeah?” Since his hands were occupied, you placed his credit card in his pocket for him. 

“Let’s get to the cars, I don’t know how I feel with five guys staying in my apartment with my alcohol”, Hyunbin answered with a small smile, his dimples forming as he did so. 

As all of you start to walk, you and Hyunbin walk last. Hyunbin had a hard time to balance the two filled bags while you kept glancing over your shoulder, waiting for something to happen. You could not leave like this, not after you had the greatest luck you ever had in your life. 

Jungkook did not think so either. Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted a black dot make its way towards the two of you. You stopped in your tracks; and in return, so did Hyunbin. 

Jungkook jogged up to the two of you, his face almost lit up when he spotted another fellow Korean he could converse with. He started speaking Korean to Hyunbin, most of it was understandable for you. He explained what had happened — the sour candy, and Hyunbin was smiling and chuckling. 

They spoke for a few minutes; it all ended with Hyunbin agreeing to something and Jungkook flashing him the biggest smile he had ever had. Then, Jungkook turned to you and his smile increased. “Beautiful”, he said, causing your pulse to start beating faster. “I am lucky. Wait here, I come quick.” 

Jungkook twisted his body and ran away from the scene, up to his camera crew where he was most probably going to ask something. You snapped your head to the side, where Hyunbin’s gaze met yours and he smiled towards you. 

“That’s Jungkook from BTS”, Hyunbin said, and you answered with a nod. You were already aware. 

“What did you two talk about?” you asked. You did not understand it all, the two of them were both native speakers and they spoke much faster than you were used to hearing. 

Hyunbin snickered at you. “Long story short, he’s joying us for the little party in my apartment.” 

Your smile of happiness grew bigger as your eyes found Jungkook’s body again. he seemed eager, he could not stand in place when he spoke to the rest of his crew what he wanted to do. 

“Oh and by the way...” 

Your eyes trailed to Hyunbin from the corner of your eye as he spoke. “I didn't put Sour Neon Worms on the list.”

“Shut the fuck up, Hyunbin.” 

[queenwitchrowena]

☽〇☾ — ROWENA MACLEOD

❝ she wore her scars as her best attire, a stunning dress made of hellfire.❞ ☽〇☾  —  AESTHETICS

BELIEFE IN PROPHECY AND MAGIC OLD AS TIME  — WINTER SOLSTICE ORGIES  — BACKLESS FLOOR LENGTH GOWNS AS CASUAL WEAR —  WINGED EYELINER SHARP ENOUGH TO CUT YOU  — FINDING REDEMPTION AND MEANING IN UNEXPECTED PLACES

☽〇☾  — CHARACTER INFORMATION

Name: Rowena MacLeod Nickname: Ro (To a few people.) Age: 378 appears mid to late 30’s  (spent an additional 190 years in Hell) D.O.B.:  1643 Place of birth: Isle of Skye, Scotland Gender: Cis Female Species: Human/Witch (Natural) Height: 5’2” / 157 cm Weight: 110lbs / 50kg Eye color: Green Hair color: Vivid red copper Relationship Status: It’s always complicated and often fake. Sexuality: Sexually Progressive Powers: Innate magic, learned spell work, ability to create spell work. Weaknesses: Overestimating herself, pride, volatile anger, recklessness Occupation: Witch / Con Artist / Hunter Consultant / Queen of Hell Weapons: Hex Bags, spells, natural magic, Voodoo dolls, crystals, potions, alchemy, manipulation. She is capable of using traditional weapons such as knives and guns when necessary.

Personality: Rowena is intelligent, ambitious, proud, manipulative, Machiavellian, petty, sarcastic, reckless, often self serving, hateful, seductive. She resents anyone who dares to have authority over her. She flirts like mad with people, often for fun, often for her own gain. When she is on someone’s side she can be sweet, calm, warm, and courteous. When she has labeled someone as completely useless, unfortunately in her way, or an enemy, she can be ruthlessly vicious and violent. People that cross her may find themselves in various precarious situations up to and including violent deaths.

Rowena is hard to get to know deeply, she builds walls to keep people from hurting her, not just physically, but emotionally. She is never quite able to be rid of the parts of her that fear and loathe her past. She has always been a dreamer. She is slowly learning to trust and value people and loyalty, even if she might deny it.

Likes: People who can do something for her, knowledge, power, money, magic, Winchesters and their pet angels (though she will not state that out loud), creating her own spells, her son (not that she wants to, she hates him because it’s easier for her), flirting, elegant states of dress, stability, freedom.

Dislikes: Authority over her, being used, baring her feelings, feelings, weakness, abandonment, her own desperation, her past, swallowing her pride, not controlling a situation, being underestimated, being undervalued, people denying their own abilities with magic, most hunters, most other witches, her son lol, most demons, anything that makes her appear unsophisticated, limits.

Appearance: Rowena is a slim petite woman. Pale skin that burns and freckles if she doesn’t stay out of the sun or apply some sort of charm. She keeps her fiery red hair long, with fringe, and alternates between letting it curl naturally or straightening it. She wears it both up and down.

Her clothing choices tend to learn towards the impractical and formal. Long sleeve floor length gowns, dresses, heels, and assorted jewelry. She wears bold winged eyeliner and often bright and shimmery eyeshadow looks, bold red and coral lipsticks. Rowena may occasionally wear something that makes her blend in a bit better, stylish slacks and blouses, sometimes a suit jacket. She never appears not put together if it’s within her control.

Rowena has a number of scars on her body made by the insertion of spell work in the form of hex bags. There is a scar on her outer right thigh, one on the left side above her breast, and one on her left hip above the bone. She also has very faint stretch marks on her belly from pregnancy.

☽〇☾  —  BACKSTORY

Rowena MacLeod was born the daughter of a Tanner in 17th century Scotland. She was one of several children born to her parents.

Her mother did not follow witchcraft, her father forbid it, he was a strict man. But she knew that she was born a witch and that magic ran innately through her. She was forced to not speak of it, though she couldn’t always control it. Even without training or knowing the right words, Rowena could speak things into happening given enough passion.

She was different from most of her siblings, the only other one who was capable of magic was an older brother, Fergus, though he too was made to tamp it down. He died when they were still young. A fever took three more of her siblings in childhood, and her mother was often absent or in her own head after that.

When Rowena was 15 she fell in love with a charming wealthy married man. He promised her that he’d take her away and that they would be together. When she was 16 she found herself unwed and pregnant. Her father threw her out in shame, and though her lover housed her in the village after, he did not visit nearly as often after. She knew later his promises were all lies.

He came to see her only once more, on the eve of their son’s birth. It was a long and hard birth and it was said that she wouldn’t make it. Her lover kissed her on the forehead and told her that he loved her. It was his last kindness. He left her there, dying, penniless, and went back to his wife and other children, expecting her death. Though Rowena managed to make it through, weak as she was, with a healthy son to show for it. She named him after the brother that she had been closest to.

Afterwards, baby Fergus’ father denied ever knowing Rowena at all. She was alone, with a child she couldn’t help but desperately love, cast out of her family for her sin of bearing a child outside of marriage, and labeled a whore by everyone else.

She sought to use her magic, thinking it would be what would save them. But what little she could do only earned her a worse reputation. Rowena was forced to take her baby and leave, she thought elsewhere she might be able to tell people that she had been widowed, but it hardly mattered. She had nothing and no one, and a baby to care for. Life was hard for them. Rowena was often unable to provide even the most basic things for her child. With her reputation she couldn’t find any reputable work. Instead, she sold her body to pay for what meager little she could to keep a roof over their heads. And she learned what she could of magic from wherever she could.

She did her best for her son, taught him what she could, and tried to shield him from what she was. Until he grew to look more and more like his father, the man who had broken her heart.

She could barely look at him, the boy she loved, that only served to remind her of what she hated about her life. She wasn’t a good enough mother, he was the reason she was forced to scrape to get by. She couldn’t help but tell herself those things. And she couldn’t help but tell him in fits of anger.

When he was 8 and devoid of all the pretty baby fat of youth, Rowena was caught and about to be tried for her crimes as a witch. Before that could happen, she left her son in the care of a workhouse, unable to keep him with her. She told herself she would be back, but she had nothing to offer him, and he was a painful thing to look at. The personification of a wound never closed. At a certain point she knew that she had been gone too long and made up every reason she could to justify it.

She found the opportunity to study under the great Milanese witch Leticia D’Albioni, and soon after that she finally joined the ranks of the Grand Coven. The Grand Coven were critical of Rowena having a child with a “non-magic”, but they were willing to overlook this because of the great talent she possessed. However, her immense raw skill and recklessness with extreme witchcraft made them wary of her. This eventually led to her being hexed by the coven with a binding spell that restrained her magic, as well as being banned from performing magic, taking on students, or forming her own coven.

Rowena didn’t stop using her then limited powers when possible, still stronger than many witches, but she did fear the Grand Coven and their worldwide reach for centuries. She stayed off their radar as much as possible, learning where she could, and managing to take care of herself in other ways when necessary. She’d dodge the occasional run in with other witches, demons, hunters, The British Men of Letters.

300 years later, Rowena resurfaced, recently run out of the UK by a member of the British men of Letters. And with a goal in mind, intending to reclaim her lost power and start a coven of her own to do so.

It wasn’t until she learned that her son, who should have long been gone and forgotten, was reborn as the demon Crowley and King of Hell, that she was set on a new vicious path.

She reinserted herself into Fergus’ life. (Refusing to call him by his newer chosen name, though she would never explain to him what the name meant to her.) Rowena attempted to use her son for his position of power to help her with the Grand Coven. Aware of her manipulations, her son assisted anyway and captured the head of the Grand Coven, Olivette, for her. Tortured by Rowena, Olivette revealed the Grand Coven was much-diminished in its power because of a concerted campaign against witches by the Men of Letters. After learning this Rowena sought again to put together her own coven, something far greater than what the Grand Coven was, though she was met with either disinterest or thwarted plans. Still, she remained by her sons side in hopes that his power would be useful to her.

This led to frequently recurring encounters with the Winchester brothers and those that surround them. Sometimes on opposite sides, sometimes as allies.

See here for further detailed information.

☽〇☾  —  POST SEASON 15 EPISODE 3

Rowena expected to die and have her body eventually deteriorate and release the souls that she carried with her, back to hell where they belonged. Instead she found herself dead, but with an incredible amount of power stored within her from the souls that she absorbed. As she arrived in Hell by her own choice, Rowena is able to take control of Hell’s throne through the use of her still in tact magical abilities, and fear.

She is a powerful soul inhabiting her own body, though technically still dead, and has never become a demon.

As ruler, she immediately shut down all demon deals and overhauled hell to work the way that she wanted it to. Her opinion is that humans do plenty of things to put themselves in Hell, no need to assist the process. People will end up where the ought to.

☽〇☾  —  CURRENT

Since her arrival in Lebanon, Kansas, and once again a member of the living, Rowena has returned to reside in the Men of Letters bunker with the Winchester brothers.

[the-apricotapprentice]

I have finally, fiiiinally, started to write down my ideas for a fleshed out Isolde. Its still pretty basic and there's a lot more detail to dive into, but here goes!

SOME BACKGROUND

Isolde hails from a large town, or perhaps you could call it a small city. The people there call it Boud and would rather you called it nothing at all. It sits in a cold, mountainous region South of the Sea of Persephia, and farther West than the Scourgelands, known to the people who settle there as the Heart Lands. Boud sits between a mountain to the North, a lake to the West, a forest to the South, and rolling plains to the East: giving easier access to their limited trade routes.

Their culture is one of mistrust of the unfamiliar, with deep routed traditions of mysticism, astrology, spiritualism, and magic. They are a matriarchal society, but perhaps not in the obvious sense of the word. One of their longest standing traditions, one so ancient that the origins are lost, is that of the Seers. The Seer is the leader of a town, village, settlement, whatever it may be, and the title is inherited by her oldest daughter. For three generations before Isolde, the responsibility, and honour, was passed down through her great grandmothers line, to the oldest daughter. If a daughter is not born to a Seer, the line of succession becomes difficult, but this is not a frequent problem.

What is a problem, at least for Isolde, is what it means to be a Seer. The Seer to be, at the ripe old age of 16 is branded by her mother with a mark signifying her position. This brand essentially outcasts her. She may no longer speak to anyone outside of her attendants, and then only in the hours after dark. While the sun is still up, she sits quiet and still, statuesque, divining from the ghost of the moon, the early morning stars, and the smoke from the fire. The knowledge she gains informs all decisions made for the village. And most Seers are glad to accept this responsibility, it is a blessing and a divine right. But for Isolde, having longed for a mother who seemed to care, raising her younger brother, Arthen, by herself, resenting everyone around her and feeling oh so guilty for it, it was too heavy a weight to bear. For Isolde’s whole life her mother never said a word to her.

The night after the branding ceremony, she took her younger brother and fled, burning off the mark so that they would be able to find passage away from the Heart Land and for Isolde, this is where her life truly began, in her opinion.

Their travels eventually took Isolde to Vesuvia, where they of course settled in their “Aunt's” magic shop. This aunt was actually the aunt of a woman, Elmira, who they met on the way to Vesuvia, who helped them escape The Heart Lands, via the Scourgelands. Elmira and Isolde had a relationship for the better part of a year, but parted amicably when Isolde and Arthen decided they wanted to stay in Vesuvia – Elmira gifted them her Aunts old shop as she wanted to continue traveling.

Isolde’s brother was of the first in Vesuvia to die of the plague, which is a large part of why Isolde chose to stay when Asra left. She felt entirely responsible, and if he was dead then she would make sure some good could come of if, even if that was just an extra set of hands working for a cure. Vesuvia was also the taste of a stable life Isolde had ever experienced, and leaving that terrified her.

PERSONALITY

Isolde has a lot of hang ups around her mother and her early role as parent in her brother’s life. She is absolutely terrified of abandonment, emotional abandonment most of all, and there’s a good chance that had she not died she wouldn’t have been able to trust Asra again after he left. Having an emotionally absent mother and physically absent father has given her reason to harbour a lot of resentment, but she feels very guilty for it, which leads to a vicious cycle.

She also feels very very responsible, due to being, at least to her mind, the caretaker of her brother. She feels like she is boxed into the sensible role, always having to be the one who stays on top of a to do list, everyone’s safety, even people’s enjoyment of an activity. Because she feels so responsible for everything when she loses control she can lash out or become very cold, but she really hates this part of herself.

At her core, she just wants to feel some freedom, to have someone around that she can trust to pick things up when she lets something slip, to feel like she can relax and get out of her head. She is very emotional, and scared, and hates to be in the wrong, but she is also very warm, caring, loving, and enthusiastic.

AFTER THE EVENTS OF THE ARCANA

When Isolde regains her memories she understands a lot more about the way she is, and comes to terms with it, which in turn allows her to let go a lot of her negative behaviours, at least mostly.

She realises that she doesn't have to cling so tightly to everyone and everything around her. She can trust people to love her and care about her. And so she travels with Julian when they want to, and shack up in Vesuvia when they don't. If he has to go on his own, she feels a pang, but the terror of being forgotten or ignored is gone.

She always misses her brother, and the nights that she is alone is can be a struggle not to spiral back into blaming herself, but eventually she realises that this too is part of her, and after that it is a little less sore.

[iridescentides]

hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions ���

okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.

5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:

its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together

the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important

the songs are good!!!

basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.

4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)

okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.

i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.

and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.

3. The Swap (2016)

okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!

the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.

the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity. 

the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.

2. Freaky Friday (2018)

this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.

first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.

yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.

on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.

but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.

freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.

1. Let It Shine (2012)

this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!

let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.

the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.

on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.

if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.

for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.

and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:

going to the mat (2004)

gotta kick it up! (2002)

tru confessions (2002)

dont look under the bed (1999)

invisible sister (2015)

[bigskydreaming]

How old was jason when he died? And when he was resurrected?? And that time he spent dead make him crazier than Ra's when he is under the pit's effect?

The general consensus as far as I’m aware is that Jason was fifteen when he died, and he came back to Gotham in Under the Red Hood about five years later. There’s a couple different versions of the in between time, but most common I believe is that he was resurrected due to multiverse bullshit (like, the official explanation is that an evil teenage version of Clark Kent punched the dimensional walls of the place he was trapped outside of normal time/space so hard that the ripple effects of him breaking through like, caused ‘hiccups’ or anomalies across various universes - one of these being Jason’s resurrection. Yeah. I’m not making this up. LOL).

ANYWAY. The go-to version of the timeline I believe is that this happened about six months after Jason died, which was right around the time Tim started trying to convince Dick to come back and be Robin again and ultimately ended up becoming Robin himself. When Jason dug himself out of his grave, he was largely catatonic and unresponsive, and here’s where it tends to be most vague. After some period of time, which could have been anything from days to weeks to months, depending on who you ask, Talia was in Gotham for supervillain shenanigans or whatnot, came across him and realized who he was, and took him back to the League with her. 

Where again it depends on who you ask, after some period of time, ultimately Talia convinced Ra’s to put Jason in the Pit to see if it would restore him to full consciousness and heal the remaining physical after-effects of his death. And also, her reasons for doing this tend to be subject to your own personal interpretation of Talia. Some view this as her doing it for Bruce’s sake, some view it as her just wanting to use Jason as her pawn against Bruce, etc.

Personally, I view it as somewhat in between, though again this is just my take. I ignore ‘Talia the rapist’ characterizations in both regards to her actions with Bruce and Jason, so I mean, I’m just not here for Morrison or Winick’s take on her in that regard. BUT I also kinda....highly object to the ‘soft’ characterizations of Talia that kind of make her the ideal parent that highlights how crappy Bruce is in comparison? Like, its no secret that I’m hugely critical of Bruce’s parenting, but I just....personally am not a fan of acting like Talia is amazing at it and noble and selfless either. I don’t like the outright vilification of Talia - especially when she ends up coming across as worse than Ra’s, which, no thank you - BUT I don’t like...blunting all her edges either, for lack of a better phrasing. 

I tend to view her as someone who is extremely ambitious, ruthless and uncompromising in her own ways. I think a huge part of her dynamic with Bruce is that they mirror each other in so many ways, even if they’re not always on the same page. She’s often used as a narrative foil to Bruce, but I disagree - I think Selina and Bruce are the ‘opposites attract’ whereas Talia and Bruce are the ‘like calls to like/their bond in large part stems from how well they understand each other, even though they have different goals and aims most of the time’. 

But point being, like......I don’t like shallow, two-dimensional interpretations of Talia where she’s just evil and has no shades of gray to her, but I also don’t like the flip side of that and her being viewed as the lesser of two evils compared to Bruce. Like, sorry not sorry, I think both of them need to take some parenting classes. Unless you drastically change Damian’s entire backstory and characterization by the time he arrives in Gotham, and/or insist that Damian’s upbringing was all entirely due to Ra’s control and Talia at no point in ten years had the option of arranging for her son to end up with Bruce or somewhere else where he didn’t spend his childhood being taught that affection was a sign of weakness and how to murder his nanny in six hundred different ways and show his work plz, like......I have trouble with the super!mom Talia takes.

All of which is just to say....I don’t believe Talia brought Jason back with her and put him in the Pit out of the goodness of her heart, but I don’t think it was entirely absent of positive intentions either? If that makes sense? I just mean...she’s a SUPER complicated woman in my take, and that’s what makes her so much more interesting than she’s usually reduced to being in a lot of stories. Talia is not as stone cold as she often comes across as a defense mechanism - I think she is someone who feels things deeply, but she shuts that down even harder than Bruce. She’s a very pragmatic individual, and I think she tends to justify a lot of even her most emotional-driven choices by finding an advantageous spin she can put forth as her ‘real reason’ for doing things.

So....I think her feelings for Bruce DID have a lot to do with her taking Jason with her. She does love Bruce in her own way, she always keeps an eye on him so she absolutely had to have been aware just how badly Jason’s death was affecting him, and so I think when she first saw Jason and realized who he was....I do think on a gut level, her motivations were like, she felt a need or want to take him with her and see that he was well cared for, for Bruce’s sake if nothing else.

BUT....I think the complication is she has trouble justifying that to herself, even, let alone to her father or subordinates or any of the others who constantly seek an edge over her within the League’s inner power structures and hierarchies. So I think that’s where the pragmatic side of her took over, and once she DID see to Jason at least nominally being taken care of....that’s when she started to look at it in terms of how she could play this to her advantage as well.....and whether that ultimately was in pursuit of convincing Bruce to join her side, and using Jason as leverage there, or just hurting Bruce for rejecting and hurting her and her chosen path, and using Jason to accomplish that.....tbh, like I said, I see Talia as an extremely complicated person and IMO the most likely take is that even SHE probably couldn’t say which she truly wanted or intended.....or perhaps it just changed at various points, and more than once.

My point with this tangent is I think there tends to be a very narrow focus on Jason’s return and Talia’s role in it as opposed to just the Pit in general. As much as Talia did help Jason, I think it doesn’t get acknowledged enough that as long as her own motivations and agenda were AT ANY LEVEL behind her choice not to reveal he was alive to Bruce....that’s something that I think could use more scrutiny in fandom, because that is a selfish choice, even if she did nominally spin it as being in Jason’s best interests. I just mean....it was a complicated situation, she’s a complicated person, you can’t add that up and still walk away with the simple narrative “Talia helped Jason after he came back to life and everything she did was to his benefit and in his best interests’ you know?

The thing is, the Pit’s influence aside, we have NO idea how things might have gone if Bruce, Dick and Alfred had ever gotten the CHANCE to get to Jason immediately after his submersion in the Pit and try and help him through it.....because Talia and Ra’s didn’t allow for them to ever have that chance. And that is a hugely critical plot point I think, that’s gone largely unexplored. There’s a lot of attention paid to how Jason felt upon learning that the Joker was alive, that there was a new Robin....but not a ton of attention paid to the HOW of Jason finding out all these things, and just how exactly this information was delivered to him and in what framing and context.

Because again, Pit influence aside....just sheerly in terms of the massive trauma and disorientation Jason had to have been going through upon having his full cognitive faculties restored by the Pit.....like....Jason came back to Gotham as an adult, ultimately. But at THAT stage of things....he was still likely only sixteen or so. VERY young. VERY traumatized. COMPLETELY isolated from all previous existing support networks.....and all of that adds up to being VERY. VERY. Impressionable.

And this is the part I wish got more focus. Just how much influence Talia, Ra’s and the League in general had over Jason’s thought processes, morality and ethics during that period he lived and trained with them....in the wake of a massive traumatic ordeal and with zero effort paid towards helping him cope and recover in any way other than what they laid out for him there. See, whatever Talia’s actual motivations for bringing him back and putting him in the Pit were....there’s not really any denying IMO that once that was done, she still took advantage of the opportunity Jason’s impressionability and gratitude for what she’d done (and just the interest and care she’d demonstrated in his eyes merely by doing it)....like, she still took advantage of the...influence this gave her over him.

Like.....Under the Red Hood? Eight heads in a duffle bag as Jason brutally slaughtered some of the key members of various crime organizations in Gotham and used that to gain the attention and fear and/or respect of various crime lords and organizations?

That didn’t come out of nowhere. And personally I think there’s too much focus paid to Jason’s potential for violence before his death, the murkiness surrounding Felipe Garzona’s death, and the effect the Pit still had on his mind when he returned to Gotham.......and not enough focus paid on WHERE AND WHO HE SPENT ALL HIS TIME WITH IN BETWEEN THESE THINGS.  

Because as brutal as Jason could be at times as Robin......eight heads in a duffel bag is still a LONG way away from that. What its NOT a long way away from, however....is League of Assassins training, methodology and worldview.

Like, literally everything Jason did in Under the Red Hood came right smack out of the League’s playbook, so I’ve always just been like....forget the Pit for a second, guys! What about just....examining what effect being surrounded and trained by League assassins for three or four straight years in the wake of massive, life-altering trauma and circumstances that make you feel both INDEBTED to said League and BETRAYED BY all your previous loved ones who weren’t there for you....because they never had the opportunity TO be there, given that they weren’t the ones that ran into Jason while he was on the streets after digging himself up and like, even in the DC universe AT THAT TIME ‘hey wonder if he might end up resurrected somehow’ was not like, something that was at the forefront of anyone’s mind as a likely possibility?

LOL. Anyway. So that’s my hot take on Jason’s return.....yes, the Pit undoubtedly played a role, but I would love love love to see more of a role given just to looking at the sheer INFLUENCE the League and their teachings had over an isolated, traumatized and impressionable teenager.

As for the Pit itself.....that’s a topic for another day, probably, lol, but like...I have a LOT of thoughts about the Pit and how its used in various narratives, canon and otherwise. Because the thing is....its effects STARTED out as being brought into stories about Ra’s as kind of a moral fable. Like, essentially, the effects of the Pit in early stories were like....IMO more intended as a cautionary type narrative about the dangers of greed and being power-hungry, seeking to control even life and death, etc? I just mean like.....it originally came off as more of the idea “there’s no such thing as a free lunch” or in essence...everything has a price, and with something like immortality, the price is steep. There was a lot of focus initially on the idea that Ra’s was the man he’d become...only after centuries of using the Pit’s power to remain young, vital and alive. Power corrupts, essentially.

However, the problem I have...is that narrative becomes a wholly different thing when the Pit affects someone who DIDN’T seek to use its power, who wasn’t using it for selfish gain....nor like in Jason’s case...did they even have a choice about using it at all! This is the same issue I have with keeping Dick as a Talon in Court of Owls stories, and certain ways Cassandra’s story is told and her body language skills are used and discussed: I have a deep dissatisfaction with the idea of abuse inflicted by others, being like...the origin story or source of someone’s powers....when its paired at the same time with consequences that the person never asked for, would never have asked for......but the powers themselves tend to be the only thing focused on, rather than the drawbacks, with the overall takeaway ending up being that like.....the person should be grateful that the abuse happened in the first place because now they have these powers see, and isn’t that the most important thing?

So to correct myself, it isn’t quite the same thing, but I mean....the issue I have with Jason and the Pit here, in comparison, is that....Jason had no agency in choosing to go into the Pit. So to me.....its a big, BIG problem to have him ‘benefit’ from that in the form of look, he’s alive and well again, he has a second chance.....IF equal scrutiny isn’t being paid to the price he is stuck paying for the ‘gifts’ of the Pit, that second chance.....when he never asked to pay it in the first place. 

And I don’t actually think I’m the only one who has that problem, I think most people just don’t spell it out to that degree....because what I mean there is......the Pit’s effects ever since Jason’s return like....aren’t viewed in the context of being a morality narrative anymore. At least not in regards to him. People rarely write the Pit as ‘corrupting’ Jason the way it was once suggested to have corrupted Ra’s, because like....Jason was a victim, not a person motivated by selfish desires for immortality. And people want him to be a hero (or at least an antihero) rather than the villain that DC has at times tried to make him instead....and I think even unconsciously, we’re all aware that it doesn’t really work to have a character like that ‘forced’ into a villainous role because of exposure to a mystical corrupting agent they never asked to be exposed to.

SO. The end result of THAT is that.....the way people write about the Pit has shifted, both in canon and fandom. And now the Pit’s effects are viewed less as a cautionary morality fable and more as like...a heightened form of PTSD, a metaphor for the extreme and beyond-imagining trauma of being brutally killed and brought back to life again.

And that is where things get murky for me again, because you end up with an unintentionally confused/skewed narrative where writers and readers often aren’t even sure themselves if they’re writing this mystical McGuffin as being an external force of corruption that makes people ‘worse versions of themselves’ OR whether its a PTSD/trauma metaphor that highlights the hurt/confusion/paranoia/intensity of tangled emotions that survivors of great traumas experience. And the problem there is, without actually intending to....I think you inevitably end up dipping into a lot of really problematic ableist ideas that reinforce some pretty negative impressions of mental illness, bad survivors and recovery in general.

Oops. Tangents happened again, huh. Oh well. Hope your answers are in there along with everything else I stuffed that response full of, lol!

[caressavincent]

Woo, so i’m going WAY BACK with this character (like to the first time I ever opened this group), but I randomly logged into her account one day and read over some of her stuff and was like “I need to bring her back around!”  Through the openings i’ve messed with her, changed both her name and position on the island, but for this reboot i’m going back to basics (except the name - still keeping it as it’s been).  I didn’t delete her older posts just because they all pertained to Eros, so just ignore everything after this intro!  I ramble, it’s sometimes a bitch, and suck at intros so let’s do this!  If you’d like to plot her up hit me up and we can make it happen!  I swear she’s a fun one!  Alright, alright, intro under the cut!

Did I just see CAMILA MENDES walking on the beach? Nevermind, it was just 19-year-old, BISEXUAL, CARESSA VINCENT. I heard the ASSET is quite ALLURING but also DEMANDING. SHE seems to enjoy BODY WORSHIP, but don’t try BATHROOM PLAY with this one. They’re hoping to be claimed by ANYONE who preferably looks like ANYONE

Caressa comes to Eros as an asset, though it’s hard to realize considering she acts like a mistress who owns the damn place.  She comes from money, both of her parents heavy into politics, and was born and raised with a silver spoon in her mouth.  Her parents were absent from a lot of her life, relying on nannies to teach her basics and give her affection, but what the parents lacked in actual involvement they made up for in a revolving credit account.  No matter what she wanted, when she wanted it, it was hers within a day (because sometimes those bigger requests took a little longer than immediate).  She had everything she could ever want though still felt utterly alone and insignificant, and then came high school.

For Caressa school wasn’t terrible, growing up she made the grades to at least keep herself somewhere near the middle of her class (blending in on paper while she stood out in person), and honestly the only reason she even kept up with her academics was so she could be on all the little sports teams that elementary schools have.  She wanted to hang out with her friends and extra-curricular activities provided that, so she did them all - and come to find out she was pretty damn good at them.  In high school though, things started to change for her and athletics weren’t her biggest concern, a night of partying and lost virginity her freshman year (yikes) opened her eyes to a whole new world - one that she’d soon become addicted to.

Sex was amazing, and seeing what others would do just to have an opportunity to roll around in the sheets with her was even better.  She could manipulate and make things happen beyond her wildest dreams just because some desperate student wanted her in the filthiest of ways (and who could blame them given how she strutted around the school and showed off every last curve).  The sex wasn’t enough though, and as school went on she started partying more, hanging out with the wrong crowds outside of school - what made this terrible was that being that her parents were so far into politics and public offices Caressa was becoming bad for business.  Pictures would be plastered in the papers about the Senator’s daughter being up to no good, partying too hard to hanging drunkenly off of someone who no doubtedly was taking her home, and that’s when the parents tried to step in - though they’d been of no use to her growing up so why start now right?

Knowing that it pissed them off, her behavior that is, she did it even more!  Her father didn’t deserve to be a Senator, to be adored by people throughout the state of NY, he was a no good loser for all she cared.  What kind of man does NOTHING with his daughter her entire life but still tries to parade the family around like they’re perfect infront of the cameras?  Caressa hated being his pawn, only ever getting any attention / affection from him if/when there was an event that he needed her to be at.  She was done playing nice, smiling when she had to, or better yet having to take out sons of men in power her father had to impress - he pulled her into a lot of shit that no girl her age should have to do, all to remain in his seat as Senator, with no regard of how fucked up his actions were making his daughter.

With it being a re-election year Caressa has ONE goal, and that’s to see that her father is taken down a peg and loses his seat.  She goes at it with hearts desire, doing all that she can to tarnish his good name, and that’s when it happens - he shuts her off, all her money gone in an instant (because let’s be real the girl hasn’t worked a day in her life), and forces her out of the picture (politics are quite dirty after all and no doubt even the nicest of Senators have goons to do their bidding).  His own daughter was ran out of town, on her ass with nothing more than a bag with a few possessions, but nothing of actual worth.  She made due though, once again resorting to using her body to get money, or even just a place to sleep the night through.  She was far enough away from NY by now that nobody recognized her, it was as though she just ceased to exist (her father weaving some story about how she was sick and at home unable to see the public or some shit - he really was a venomous man).

She was getting exhausted from running though, she’d had enough of it, having to use herself for a new place each night - she wanted at least a little normalcy, and that’s when someone mentioned Eros.  She’d never heard of such a place, but given what she was doing now she figured it’d be safer, and considering it’s on an island that just made it all the more exciting.  For her it’d be like a vacation, a getaway until all this stupid shit with her father blew over, because honestly her expectations were that he’d come to his senses and eventually give her back all that she wanted - the money.  She would just have to buy her time until that happened, after all he couldn’t keep lying to the public forever could he?  Caressa agreed to be an asset, but fuck if she’s going to enjoy it now that she’s here.

Personality wise, since i’ve basically talked only a little about it, now that she’s on the island is quite all over the place I guess i’d say?  She hates being an asset, and had her father not shut her off she’d had come here no problem as a Mistress (she still swears one day she’ll be back and the tables will turn once he’s smartened up and welcomed her home).  She hates being bossed and ordered around, or at least she does by most people, there are those few who do it just right to get her weak in the knees.  Honestly, secretly the girl loves to be dominated, she’s got daddy issues and if you exploit them she’ll be putty in your hands.  She wants attention, she wants to be put on a pedestal, and thinks of herself as the best and expects those in her life to do the same (they don’t and it’s hilarious).  She’s not a total bitch though, she can be quite fun, there are times when the lack of control just get to her - the girl, who used to have it all, has nothing and has to fight for scraps now just to get out of the Hub.  She certainly is not where she envisioned herself, and for that it’s both amusing and heart-wrenching.  She’s all over the place, has her mood swings, but overall is an amazing fucking girl who just wants to be loved and blah, blah, blah, you get the rest right?

Hit me up to plot, I swear she’ll be worth your time!

[we-need-a-sexy-skeleton]

The Hanging Tree: Chapter Three

Characters: Logan, Patton, Virgil, Roman (Unnamed), OFC (The Woman With Too Many Teeth), Dot (Mentioned)

Warnings: Magic, wolves, visions, headaches, body horror (eyes and teeth)

Tag List:  @rileylastname @unicornlogan @kittycake574 @lemme-use-a-thorn @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @librowyrm @dorkoverse @ultraviollettt (Ask to be added)

Chapter One Chapter Two

“Hey, real quick,” Logan said. “That was the dumbest way to start this conversation. I’m trying to find out about my own personal history, and you’re over here asking me about some German book published in 1911?”

I’m trying to help! Jesus! Just tell me what you know about this stuff!

“I don’t really know anything about it,” Logan sighed, rolled his eyes. “I know it’s a German book from 1911, but that’s where my knowledge ends.”

Virgil nodded. Nineteen years ago, Dorothy and Leonard Memrys found a baby boy underneath the Haning Tree of their town.

“Yes. My mother and father took me from the Hanging Tree at its urging.”

Logan, you were not the Hanging Tree’s to give away. You see, the reason it is dangerous for you to cry or get overly emotional, is because you’re a mandrake.

“Those gross little baby things from Harry Potter?”

No. Mandrakes, also known as Alura Une, are German sprites. While generally female, they can also end up being intersex, however no male mandrakes have ever been recorded. Mandrakes are born from the blood of dying criminals. Well. Some say it’s blood, but legends can differ to include semen, or just any sort of bodily fluid. A hanging tree is a good place for a mandrake to form.

What’s confusing me is that the hanging tree of Ravensbend went out of use one hundred years ago. It makes no sense for you to be nineteen years old- especially given that mandrakes don’t mature until they’re at least one hundred.

Logan frowned. “A-are you saying I’m over one hundred years old? Virgil, I have pictures of myself, as a baby, with my parents! I can’t be that old!”

“Actually, you can,” Patton said, piping up for the first time. “You see, mandrakes - especially as babies - need to be taken care of, no matter what. If you weren’t getting enough care from the Hanging Tree, or your true parents, then it’s likely you could have reverted to a form that would encourage that care. Mandrakes want to be wanted. They need it, so they’ll conform to anything they think will get them love.”

“I’m  a gay albino who ran away from home more times than I can count.”

“Because you thought that would get you love. It doesn’t make sense to you now, but it made perfect sense back then. Running away means your parents go looking for you, meaning they’re very happy and attentive when they find you. It’s a strange way of thinking in a more adult head, but to a younger mind it makes perfect sense.”

“So I, what? Blocked out memories of my true childhood because I didn’t think I was getting enough attention?”

“Logan, the childhood you remember is still your true childhood, as you put it. It just wasn’t your first.”

“So I’m a plant made from a dead person’s blood, or possibly semen. Awesome. What does that mean?”

“It means that you have certain powers. Plants will respond to you, especially a certain kind. From what Virgil told me, some sort of plants are what your true form is the closest to. The other power is your voice. Similar to a siren but much more dangerous, mandrake voices are deadly. Especially when you sing, cry, or scream. Do you ever remember crying or yelling? Or any anger at all?”

Logan shook his head. “No. My parents were always quiet when they were angry, and I learned it from them. I didn’t cry or yell or even feel significant emotions.”

“It’s likely that your parents knew what you were and taught you certain behaviors to prevent it from negatively affecting you.”

“Right, because hiding what I am is so positive.”

Don’t think like that, Virgil chimed in. Your parents love you, Logan. They wouldn’t have taken you if they didn’t, and you wouldn’t have stayed with them if you didn’t feel loved. 

Logan sighed and rested his head in his hands, a headache building behind his temples. “Okay. So what do I do?”

“There… isn’t much you can do,” Patton said, shrugging. “It doesn’t take much to control your powers, just a level head.”

“How can you hear Virgil?”

“Oh. Virgil and I are bonded in a similar way to you and him. I’m not his familiar, but we are very close. So he’s able to project his words into my head. It isn’t that complicated when you think about…”

Patton’s words seemed to become muffled and dissipate as Logan’s headache grew to a piercing pain just behind his eyes. Logan let out a smaller whimper as images flashed behind his eyes. The men from the first vision - one he now knew was Patton - and an unidentified man that looked frighteningly like Remus. More images flashed in his mind; himself and the Remus look-alike kissing, an address, a tall woman with white skin and blood-red eyes. More and more images flashed behind his eyes until Logan could no longer decipher them. They were just mindless pictures, no rhyme or reason.

And then it stopped.

The scene around him was peaceful. He was in some sort of field with the type of sunlight that would usually hurt his eyes and send him indoors. He was laying on a bed of clovers and grass. Not soft grass, like in movies. Just normal grass and bunches of half-broken clovers. Overall, not very comfortable. The woman from before was laying beside him. He turned to her, and she gently cupped his face.

“My baby,” she said, smiling with too many teeth.

“You’re not my mother,” Logan heard himself say absently.

“Oh, but I am,” said the woman with too many teeth. “I raised you.”

“Who are you?”

“I am your mother, little one. I have always been your mother.”

“No. My mother is the Hanging Tree, and so is Dorothy Memrys.”

“Yes, I suppose they do count as your mothers. But I was the one who raised you first. The one who shaped how you look,” she traced a long, sharp nail around his eyes. “I’m the one who gave you your name, little Logos.”

“No... “ Logan said, frowning. “No, my name is Logan.”

“Oh, my little one. It is now, but it was not always. No matter, you’ll find out who you are soon enough. Mommy promises.”

“You aren’t my mother…”

“Yes,” the Woman With Too Many Teeth said, digging her nails into Logan’s eye sockets until blood dripped down his face. A sense of calm washed over him as she plucked his eyes out, watching his body lay there from the outside. “I am your mother, little one. I’ve always been your mother.”

“No,” Logan repeated. “No. NO!”

Logan’s eyes snapped open, his breathing heavy as he looked around the darkened room. Patton and Virgil must have taken him somewhere, because this wasn’t the office had been in before. Opening up the curtain on the windows by his bed, Logan reared back at the sunlight that flooded the room. He quickly looked away and to the bedside table, where Patton had plugged his phone in. Opening up his phone, he noticed two things. The first was that he had slept until the next day. The second was that he had a text from an unknown number.

[[From: Unsaved Number: Hey, Logan! It’s Patton. I just wanted to let you know that Virgil and I are heading back to his house to search for clues. Get some rest, keys are on the hall table by the door if you leave.]]

Logan frowned slightly at the text and saved Patton’s number, quickly pulling some spare clothes; based on how big they were on Logan’s slight frame, they were Patton’s. He sighed softly and headed out, locking the door behind him and looking around for his car.

[[From: Patton: P.S. we borrowed your car.]]

Looking down at the new text, Logan sighed louder. “This is fine,” he muttered. “Looking at the address of Patton’s place, it isn’t far.”

He was planning on finding Remus’ look-alike, and hopefully getting some answers. Whoever this man was, he knew something that Logan and Virgil didn’t- possibly something that could help them. And so, Logan set off down the street to the address in his vision.

Getting to the address wasn’t the hard part. What was hard, was actually going up to the door of the imposing frat house in front of him. Logan had never been to a frat house before- not even in the line of his duties with Virgil. So just going up to the door and asking for someone who’s name he didn’t even know was more than a little unnerving. But he needed answers, and so he knocked.

Whether it be fate or just plain luck, the man from the vision opened the door. He was tall, muscular, handsome, and very, very shirtless.

“You!?” the man screeched, voice tinged with the same strange accent that Remus’ had held.

“Me?” Logan asked, feeling confused. “Uhm. M-my name is Logan…”

“I know,” the man said. He looked around behind Logan and grabbed his arm, swiftly pulling him inside. “I’ve been having visions of you. Come on.” Ignoring the jeers of his housemates, the man pulled Logan through the hallways of the frat house.

“H-hey, what are you doing!?” Logan demanded.

“We need to talk somewhere more private,” the man growled. “Come on.”

[chronicallylatetotheparty]

After the Fall Ch.15 Degrees of Separation

LoganLight, AO3

Tom Dupain walked down the stairs from the second story. Adrien tried not to fidget. Nino stood encouragingly beside him. Kagami basically blocked the library doors to keep Chloe in there. Alya looked down on the boys from her position next to the art room, which was currently occupied by Marinette.

Adrien engaged once Tom Dupain reached the base of the stairs. He held one of his arms nervously as the big man talked animatedly.

Alya couldn't quite catch what was said from her position. "What's he saying?"

Trixx's ears twitched. "Something about going to the bakery . . . Says he hasn't seen Adrien in a while."

"I'll bet."

Tom Dupain's excitement seemed to physically push at Adrien but Nino placed a hand on his best friend's back, gently holding him in place.

Alya felt doubt gnaw at her insides. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

"Too late now," Trixx replied.

Alya's eyes flicked to Kagami who's intense expression seemed to will Adrien to hold his ground. So, she did the same.

Tom Dupain was about to pull the boys' into a bear hug but, in a show of uncharacteristic restraint, limited himself to giving Nino a 'gentle' pat on the shoulder.

And just like that it was over. The whole exchange lasting less than five minutes. Nino patted Adrien on the back as they exchanged grins.

Then Adrien all but collapsed onto the stairs.

Fear spiked inside Alya and she raced to them. How Kagami got there before her could be addressed later.

Adrien took deep, calming breaths as Nino rubbed his back.

"You did well," Kagami complimented, earning a grin.

"Let's not do anything like that soon, 'kay dudes?" Nino pleaded.

"It worked, didn't it?" Adrien breathed out.

"I'm with handsome on this one." Alya got three blank looks so she rolled her eyes. "Nino. I'm with Nino."

Her boyfriend blushed and gave her twin finger guns. "Uh, thanks, babe."

Adrien and Kagami's smiles took on a teasing lilt (which Alya found a bit weird on the 'Ice Queen').

Nino noticed. "So, uh, what're we doing about Alya?"

Alya raised an eyebrow that Nino grinned at sheepishly.

Well, someone isn't making out with their girlfriend on the rooftops tonight.

Adrien had gotten his breathing under control and was looking at her thoughtfully. "What do you know?"

"You were caught up in the Weredad attack and didn't tell anyone except Kagami. Later you realized you had a crush on Marinette and started avoiding her even more than you already were, and by extension us. Then you told Nino and made him promise not to tell me 'cause you didn't want Marinette finding out. That about it?"

Adrien blinked, then smirked briefly. "Yeah, just about."

Alya narrowed her eyes at Nino again. "Well, someone should've told you that I'm perfectly capable of keeping secrets!"

"Hey, I told them that!" Nino defended himself. "It was Adrien's decision, dude!"

"It's true," Kagami offered. "He was adamant in his defense of your trustworthiness."

Adrien nodded and Alya softened her posture.

. . . Okay, maybe he gets one kiss.

Nino looked relieved. "I would'a told you, babe."

"Yeah, I know," Alya admitted. "It's just . . ."

"You wish there didn't need to be secrets between you two," Adrien inferred.

Alya nodded and Adrien's eyes sparked with mixed emotions. "Not like you have any secrets of your own though, is it?"

Nino shook his head vigorously at this in discouragement while Kagami tried unsuccessfully to hide her amusement.

"You know what, Agreste?" Alya glared at him in warning.

Adrien's smug look distracted her from the questions in the back of her mind. But before she could give him a fitting retort her stomach growled.

Adrien beamed as his stomach answered back. "Shall we postpone this for lunch?"

". . . Fine! But you're not off the hook!"

"That's my line!" Adrien rose and the four of them made their way to the cafeteria. ". . . Judging by your  insistence I'm guessing you're not going to tell Marinette anything about the incident this time around either?"

He needs to hear me say it.

"I won't. I promise."

Adrien smiled in appreciation and walked ahead of them. Probably to process all of this. Alya knew she needed to so he definitely did. Kagami gave her a rare smile and caught up to Adrien. That left her and Nino trailing behind.

"Babe? You mad?"

"I'm not mad . . . Okay, I'm a little mad. But . . . I understand. I do . . . Man, being outside the loop stinks."

Nino lowered his cap over his eyes. ". . . Yeah."

Alya felt a surge of emotion as understanding hit her. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Hey, you're here for him now, yeah?"

Nino's eyes widened in wonder at how well she knew him. He smiled, "Yeah."

". . . So, Adrien and Chat Noir were the only ones besides Marinette and her parents who were affected by Weredad," Alya thought aloud.

Nino stiffened beneath her arm but said nothing.

"You're so tense. Do you think Adrien is-"

"No!" Nino yelped.

"You don't think Adrien is conflating his issues with Chat Noir being gone?"

". . . Oh."

"Or however you phrase that. Marinette is doing the same thing. Sorta."

"Well . . . My bro is a big Chat Noir fan. Me and Kagami are helping him sort through everything."

"Kagami and I," Alya corrected absently. "That why he finally blew up at Chloe?"

Nino's eyes darkened. "Among other things."

---------------------------------------------------

Alya didn't know what she was expecting but this wasn't it.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Adrien cried as he struck his own face.

"Hey!" Alya grabbed his hands. He hadn't been hitting himself too hard but that didn't reassure her.

"Alya . . ." His face flushed in shame. ". . . How are they?"

"Let's focus on you right now." She gently pulled his hands away from his face.

"I made things worse, didn't I?" He tugged out of her grasp. "Idiot! I shouldn't have said anything!"

"Hey, Chloe was asking for it! She's been even more insufferable since-" Alya quickly changed tactics. "Chloe's hit below the belt before but this is a new low. You didn't say anything that wasn't true."

"Then why do I feel like a jerk?"

" 'Cause you're too nice."

"Ha!"

"I'm serious, Adrien. How many second chances have you given her? How many times has she taken advantage of your kindness? Chloe's been getting away with everything for years! Don't you think that's long enough?"

". . . Forgiveness shouldn't be a debt to hold over someone."

Alya scowled. "No, but it shouldn't be taken as an excuse to do whatever you want either."

Adrien grew quiet, his expression thoughtful. "I'm going to apologize."

"What!? You shouldn't have to! She doesn't deserve it!"

"I feel sick, Alya. I feel physically sick about . . . I should've tried harder."

". . . You're not responsible for her actions, Adrien."

"She was my only friend. I should've been there for her."

". . . Yeah but, see, she should've been there for you, too."

". . . I'm going to apologize for yelling at her in front of everyone and then-" Adrien silenced Alya's protests with a glare. "And then. I'm ending it. I'm done. I . . . I can't keep g-going like this!"

". . . Then don't. Do what's best for you, Adrien."

". . . All those times I told . . . her to be nice to Chloe . . ."

"Like I said, you gave her every chance."

---------------------------------------------------

"She still trying to win Adrien over?" Alya asked.

"Yup."

"It gonna work?"

Nino scoffed. "Not as long as Adrien is the only reason Chloe's got to be nice, dude. My bro sees right through her!"

Alya shook her head in disappointment. "You'd think she would'a put this much effort in before Adrien broke off their friendship."

"Yeah. Most of her schemes back then were about getting Kagami away from Adrien rather than getting herself closer to him. Bee's got major priority issues, dude."

"Understatement," Alya echoed his phrase from earlier. "She still giving you guy's trouble?"

"With Adrien's patented 'How could you disappoint me like this?' look at the ready? She's not that dumb."

Suddenly Wayzz lifted Nino's cap a bit so he could peak out. "Don't let your guard down. That Chloe girl rarely makes decisions based on logic."

"We're supposed to be hiding," Trixx mock-scolded.

"You are hiding. I am meditating," Wayzz corrected.

"You mean sleeping?"

"That too."

"You don't think Chloe'd really try anything do you, little dude?" Nino asked.

"Perhaps not, but it would be wise to stay alert. Especially with Adrien's . . . vulnerability."

"Makes sense," Alya said. "Don't want any akumatizations happening on our watch."

Nino stumbled. "R-right! That'd be very uncool . . ."

"Al-ya, your beau needs at-ten-tion!" Trixx sing-songed.

Alya rolled her eyes but, making sure Kim wasn't around, she pulled Nino in for a kiss. His surprise melted away and he returned the favor.

Then their stomachs growled.

"Food?" Alya released Nino's shirt to hold his hand.

"Yes. Definitely. Let's do that," Nino replied, a bit flustered.

"Trixx! They're supposed to be discussing important matters!" Wayzz chided.

Don't worry, Wayzz. I've got plenty of questions.

"I don't see why they can't do that and kiss. Besides, I said Nino needed attention, I didn't say what kind!"

Wayzz wisely elected not to respond as Alya and Nino hurried to catch up with their friends.

-------------------------------------------------------

Ch.1  Ch.2  Ch.3  Ch.4  Ch.5  Ch.6  Ch.7  Ch.8  Ch.9  Ch.10  Ch.11  Ch.12  Ch.13  Ch.14    Ch.16  Ch.17  Ch.18  Ch.19   Ch.20  Ch.21  Ch.22

[scarlettsabetlondongirl]

Do you know Scarlett's entire birth chart ?

The Sun represents vitality, a sense of individuality, and outward-shining creative energy.

The Sun is in Cancer 

Sun in Cancer natives have a strong survival instinct. They are protective of those they care about, and of themselves too. They are often quite reticent about sharing their inner selves to the rest of the world, and are often caught up in reminisce. Cancers have a reputation for moodiness, although this trait is most evident when the Moon is in Cancer. Cancer needs roots. They resist change to an extent, and concern themselves about being secure and safe in most everything they do. Cancers can be quite intrigued by objects with history attached to them – antiques, photos, souvenirs, and the like.

Cancer is a very sensitive sign, and they don’t always appreciate it when you are blunt with them. Their reactions to hurt will depend on how thick a shell they have developed. Most Cancers react by withdrawing or retreating. Some have developed an ability to manipulate others to get what they want. They avoid direct confrontations almost as a rule. Cancers are, in fact, quite yielding and soft when you have them in the right mood. They are one of the more hospitable signs of the zodiac. Sure, they can be touchy and indirect, but they are also very dependable, caring souls.

Short description:

She weighs words carefully and can be tenacious. A calm and discreet nature, tender, thoughtful, sensitive, and impressionable.

Possible issues: She is humble, timid, changeable, indecisive, lazy, or over-sensitive. Easily influenced by the family and sometimes manipulative.

Cancer with ascendant Sagittarius

Sun in VII: The Sun is in the seventh house

You take pride in your ability to negotiate, and to establish harmony in your relationships. It is important to you to have a partner, as you feel incomplete without one. You are motivated to become well-liked, and you are especially sensitive to rejection. One of the lessons in your life may be to avoid putting harmony and others’ opinions of you above your own needs. Use your social skills and seek out peaceful relations with others, but try not to over-identify with your partnerships and the way you are received by others. You may marry someone with a strong personality.

-383 Opposition between the Sun and Saturn

You faced a fair number of challenges in your life, especially in the first half of life, in which your attempts to express your will were often thwarted. There can be a persistent feeling that you don’t get what they want in comparison to others. You can feel unlucky at times. Attempts to control your environment, and sometimes others, may be frequent.

You want to be considered an accomplished and important person, and when you face obstacles, you don’t always see that you are your own worst enemy. You may long to be considered important in the eyes of the world, yet you harbor fear of success at the same time. You take failures and minor setbacks to heart, and may even practically beat yourself up over them. Self-awareness to the point of real self-consciousness is a possibility. The truth is, nobody holds a microscope over you, except for yourself. A little setback or a faux pas needn’t be analyzed to death. Fingers needn’t be pointed. No, you didn’t make a spectacle of yourself when you made a mistake. You need to stop worrying about always being right, or appearing suave and accomplished. When you ease the pressure you put on yourself, you find that you don’t face as many brick walls. It is very much about what you feel you deserve. Deep down inside, if you let yourself truly believe that you deserve happiness and peace of mind, you will find it.You may engage in a lot of self-censoring: “I shouldn’t..” is a common censoring mechanism with you. When you express egotism of any form, some part of you feels guilty. As the Sun rules our conscious mind, it does enough censoring on its own. It is the “adult” within us. Saturn, on the other hand, is more like the “parent” within us. We need parents to guide us when we are children, and to some degree as adults, but for the most part, we don’t need to be censored indefinitely–something that seems to be the case with Saturn-Sun hard aspects, except that the censoring and parenting is coming from within. Ideally, you eventually learn that the standards you set for yourself are too high, and that may be the reason you seem to hit brick walls. You have a sarcastic sense of humor, a keen intelligence, and the ability to apply caution and strategy. The vitality may suffer, and troubles with the bones, teeth, and circulation may surface, especially at times of stress in your life.

-63 Opposition between the Sun and Uranus

Your identity rides on your sense of personal freedom. It can be quite a challenge to get you to do what you don’t want to do, simply because you see any attempts by others to push you in a certain direction as threatening to your sense of freedom. You are a very dynamic person who questions tradition and authority, yet, paradoxically, you can be quite set in your ways! Although a humanitarian in many ways, you can be a little brusque when it comes to sentimentality or what you perceive to be excessive attachment to the past or to tradition. You can have a lot of nervous energy and defensiveness. It can be difficult to hold a 9 to 5 job or to develop steady routines. You work best when you can manage your own schedule, and you work in spurts. When you are hit with creative inspiration, you are capable of tremendous effort. However, you can be quite temperamental, and it is very hard for you to pour your hearts and souls into something that you don’t “feel” for at the moment. You don’t like superficiality or pretense, which is an admirable trait. However, your disdain for pretense can be problematic in a world where people are expected to perform whether they are inspired or not! You should try your best to channel your high levels of intuition, inventiveness, and spiritedness into creative endeavors or important causes. You might find that you encounter much less resistance in day-to-day life this way.

-209 Opposition between the Sun and Neptune

You have a desire to be something special or to experience something more than the ordinary. You are a day-dreamer and idealist. It is easy for you to trust others, even (and perhaps especially) people who might seem from the outside looking in as unsavory types. You are looking to identify with something beyond what is normally expected of people. You may have had a childhood that didn’t help you direct or define your life. Perhaps the early family life was lacking in supervision or clearly defined rules. A father figure may have been absent or distant and ineffective. You may have a glorified image of your father. Whether the image is very positive or very negative (or if it swings between these extremes), the image is not very clear or rational. Whatever the case may be, you struggle with defining who you are. You might gravitate towards the “wrong people”, or get in with the “wrong crowd” in an attempt to define who you are. You might be susceptible to being taken advantage of by others, especially by men or authority figures. You may be easily led astray by peculiar desires or self-destructive habits. In order to add a greater-than-ordinary dimension of experience to your life that helps you to feel special and important, you might be attracted to Neptune-ruled behaviors, such as secret affairs, drugs, or other escapist behaviors. In some way, you may feel a strong urge to glamorize your role in the world. There can be some confusion about the past (such as remembering childhood experiences in ways that are far removed from reality), and a tendency to daydream about being someone more “important” than you feel you are. You may struggle with early conditioning that made you feel tossed aside or neglected in some way, and certainly not directed or supported. You are very sensitive, especially with regards to any real or imagined blows to your ego. If the natal chart shows a strong sense of reality and a robust mind (Mercury and Saturn well-placed, for example), the negative interpretations of this aspect are less extreme. Still, you are likely to recognize at some point in your life that you have a tendency to engage in escapist and self-destructive fantasies and/or habits. It is useful to be able to connect these behaviors with their probable source, which is likely to be a weakly-defined ego and identity in childhood.

111 Trine between the Sun and Pluto

You have much sexual vitality and passion. It is easy and natural for you to find a passion and pursue it, and to focus on a goal. You are not much scared of anything. You enjoy and embrace growth, especially of the psychological kind. You love a good mystery, and you are adept at solving it.You readily assign meaning to what others might consider “ordinary” events. You look for symbols, and read between the lines in most any situation. The physical vitality is generally strong, and the body is usually able to heal quickly. You are not afraid to get your hands dirty, and you are usually quick to help others–not only with mundane tasks, but also on a spiritual or psychological level. Your insight is sharp and sometimes awe-inspiring. You are perceptive and not easily rattled or surprised in life. You are not a do-gooder nor are you a law-breaker. However, you are not afraid of the “dark side” of human nature, and you will bend the rules from time to time if you feel the need to do so. You take particular pleasure in growth and life’s lessons. You are not fond of superficiality, and are generally the first to spot pretense of any kind. You are passionate and can be intense. You have a hunger to experience more than just an “ordinary” life, and you can be quite ambitious. Some people with this aspect are perfectionists, demanding much from themselves and reasonable amounts of effort and honesty from others.

The Moon represents the emotional responses, unconscious pre-destination, and the self-image. The Moon represents the emotions, and the Moon sign shows how a person expresses themselves when at home, at ease, and comfortable.

The Moon is in Gemini

Lunar Geminis are usually pleasant, witty, and charming people. At home and with family, however, they can be moody and irritable at times. People with Moon in Gemini are always interesting people–they have a finger in every pie, are curious to a fault, and are generally well-informed. Nervousness and worry are common traits with this lunar position. An underlying restlessness is common, and many Lunar Geminis need more stimulation than others. They usually read a lot, talk a lot, and think a lot with this airy, mutable position of the Moon.

Their homes are often a perpetual work-in-progress. They generally dislike housework, but are big on home improvement. Re-organizing their homes in little–and sometimes big–ways seems to keep them happy, as Lunar Geminis are easily bored by both routine and constancy. Often, this is a reflection of their inner world–“the grass is always greener…” applies here. Inwardly, Lunar Geminis are often unsettled. Moon in Gemini parents are generally more adept at handling the intellectual needs of their children than emotional ones. Others’ complicated emotions, in general, can be difficult for Lunar Geminis to handle. In their families, Lunar Geminis often take on the role of organizing get-togethers. They are at their best when they have plenty of things to do beyond routine. Moon in Gemini people almost always have a way with words. They are clever and witty, and more often than not can be found chatting with others. They are sociable and friendly, and feel comfortable in crowds. Some pay too much attention to what everyone else is doing, and lose touch with what they really want to do. Generally, Lunar Geminis have a million and one projects going. They are impressionable folk, and their imagination is boundless.

Their openness to new ideas is admirable, although decisiveness and persistence take a blow as a result. Still, versatility and adaptability are some of the stronger traits of this position of the Moon. When irritable, they can easily become snappy. Their moodiness is complicated–this is not the same kind of moodiness you’ll find with water sign moons, for example. Usually, difficult behavior stems from inner restlessness. Lunar Geminis want to do it all, and have trouble sticking to any one project. When problems arise, the first instinct of Moon in Gemini natives is to talk things out. Their tendency to analyze can give them the appearance of emotional detachment. In fact, Lunar Geminis may be especially comfortable talking about their feelings, but feeling their own feelings doesn’t come as easily. Those that don’t take time out to really emote and understand their own needs may end up baffling others. Feeling misunderstood is common for Moon in Gemini natives. The only real solution to the problem is learning to get in touch with their own feelings.

Short description:

Sharp intellect. She likes literature, and will adapt to all situations and social groups. Work in contact with the public, literary occupations, travel.

Potential issues: lack of follow-up of ideas, indecision, may go back on decisions.

Moon in VII: The Moon is in the seventh house

Partnership can be very important for her, for better or for worse. She works well in business relationships, especially partnerships.

You are drawn to partnerships and prefer to have a companion for emotional support. You are not a person who would happily take in a movie by yourself, or dine alone, for example. A partner awakens feelings in you that you may never know you had, and you seem to need a partner to learn about your own needs and feelings. Emotional fulfillment is sought through relationships, but you may have many relationships one after another, each time believing that this is “the one”. Taking time between relationships is something that is hard for you to do, but quite necessary, as you tend to jump into relationships out of fear of being alone. You are very adaptable to others’ needs, and usually quite likeable as a result. Be careful that you don’t become overly dependent on a partner, or assume that a partner is going to treat you the same way as you do them.

922 Conjunction between the Moon and Mercury

You can be quite expressive and animated in your speech. You have an outstanding memory and tend to pick up a lot of information from your environment. You love to chat and to exchange ideas. Even if you are shy, once you’re friends, you love to talk about pretty much anything under the sun, and you enjoy sharing stories from your past! For the most part, you are focused on day-to-day activities in your communications rather than on grander philosophies. You are naturally curious and interested, and others find you very easy to talk to. You are accommodating and curious, but you are not as well equipped to handle heavy emotional demands. You thrive on change and variety. You might be a little addicted to gossip! More probably, however, you are simply very curious about others. There is a twinkle in your eyes, and you are never short on humor. You are playful and versatile–you make a fun companion and an interesting friend. You listen! Yes, you do talk and occasionally interrupt in your excitement, but you are a curious person who does want to hear what others have to say, and that is a real pleasure. In fact, you are more able than most people to get others talking, simply because you are very receptive and sympathetic. You pick up others’ feelings and body language readily.

She has good judgement, a good memory. She is intelligent, imaginative, vivacious, and develops, adapts, and grows throughout life. This adds a youthful, lively quality to the personality. She may have an aptitude for, or interest in, learning foreign languages.

298 Conjunction between the Moon and Jupiter

She is generally pleasantly composed, due to an inner sense of harmony and emotional balance. She is optimistic–and realistically so, most of the time–which contributes to her overall “luck.” She is able to get a real perspective on emotional matters that not only benefits her outlook, she is able to offer support to others when needed. Broad-mindedness is a wonderful characteristic. Quick to find humor in situations, she is generally warm and fun to be around. Deep down, she believes in the basic goodness of people and of life in general, and this basic and natural attitude helps her to attract positive circumstances and to make good connections. One of her best qualities is tolerance. Usually, she doesn’t take life too seriously in the sense that she believes in having a bit of fun, enjoying life. Her hunches are more often than not bang-on.

She is frank, honest, optimistic and generous. She likes good cooking, creature comforts. Her friendships are sincere. She is smart and knows how to surround herself with the right people: She is appreciated at work, usually well-liked and comfortable.

31 Trine between the Moon and Lilith

This aspect favors romantic and sexual relationships, giving charm, intrigue, and intelligence. Emotions are big, dark, and mysterious, but she embraces these things, instinctively understanding and accepting the many sides and complications of her feelings.

-25 Opposition between the Moon and Ascendant

She can be unhappily influenced by the family or childhood, or otherwise feel rather insecure about new beginnings and new situations. She may be always looking for more love, appreciation, and feedback. She is susceptible, perhaps with some superficial sensitivity and can sometimes be irascible, changeable, inconstant, and moody. However, she is usually highly intelligent, observant, and adaptable, and is very often misunderstood, projecting the wrong image more often than is comfortable.

Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit.

Mercury is in Gemini 

Mercury in Gemini people are generally quick-witted. They can come across as somewhat scattered, and this is mainly due to their eclectic interests. They seem to know a little about everything.

Turn to Mercury in Geminis for lots of facts and figures as well as broad knowledge. Their learning is a little superficial–they generally have too many interests to delve too deeply into any one. These people learn best in a stimulating environment. They get bored easily, but they are fast learners. Impressionable to a fault, Mercury in Gemini people pick up more from their environment than most, and they can process information at lightning speed! The restlessness of Gemini is especially obvious when Mercury is placed in the sign. There is a nervous energy here that is unmistakable.

Mercury in VII: Mercury is in the seventh house

May avoid at all costs being alone. She has lots of friends, enjoying discussions and similarly cultivating plenty of work friends. She loves to write.

You have a great love of debate, if only to get closer to your own thoughts and opinions. Bouncing ideas off others helps you to make a decision, although coming to definite conclusions can be painfully difficult for you. You see the other side of the coin. You might often play devil’s advocate. Communication with a partner is craved, and you also love an audience for your own thoughts and opinions, but preferably a one-person audience, as you come alive verbally when it’s one-on-one. You can be quite skilled at keeping a partnership animated and alive with interesting tidbits, new ideas, and stimulating conversation. You can easily become bored in partnership if the lines of communication go down, even temporarily. You might also love to talk about and analyze relationships and marriage.

467 Conjunction between Mercury - Jupiter

She is intelligent with big ideas: She is tolerant and has a strong sense of justice. She has good judgement, good sense and has her feet on the ground. She has the “gift of gab,” fully enjoys literature and learning. She is erudite and will usually be successful socially.

27 Trine between Mercury - Lilith

Can be provocative in speech or communications, persuasive, interesting conversationalist, quick to see the flaws of a situation.

-7 Opposition between Mercury - Ascendant

She may criticize and gossip, arguing frequently and often nervous. Without even realizing it, she might look for or instigate a verbal battle, and can be provoking.

Communication is very important to you, and your mind is sharper and more creative when you have a partner you can bounce your thoughts and ideas off of. You are an excellent conversationalist and can fascinate your partners with your sharp mind. You love to debate issues just for the mental exercise, even if you don’t feel strongly about the position you argue! You play devil’s advocate often, and your ideal partner understands that your debates are, in fact, mental exercises–certainly not attacks! You are also prone to exaggerate or stretch the truth when trying to make your point, especially when it comes to your own background or experience.

In your close relationships, your partner serves as a mirror, reflecting your thoughts and ideas back to you from a different perspective. You are rather independent and will not allow anyone to restrict your freedom, but you love to talk things out before arriving at a decision. Truth is, you won’t always take others’ advice! However, you do enjoy looking at problems from all sorts of different perspectives. You may choose partners who are considerably younger than you, or who are not as academically smart as you. Conversations with you are always stimulating and lively. The ability to share your thoughts with a partner is vital to your sense of fulfillment in a close personal relationship.

Venus represents an interest in emotions and values, exchange, and sharing with others.

Venus is in Leo

When Venus in Leo people are in love, they are proud, even boastful. This position of Venus can turn humble Virgo Suns or retiring Cancer Suns into somewhat demanding lovers. Venus in Leo loves to court and be courted, and they need to feel very special. They are warm, generous, and even grand. Though really quite loyal to their partners (remember that love is THE most important thing in Leo’s life), they thrive on attention from lovers or love interests. Be prepared for their displays: they will tell you about any advances made on them. Remember, they’re just showing off to you, and it’s likely harmless. It’s a different story if you do the same, however. That’s when you’ll hear the lion roar…and, no doubt, you’ll want to keep these cats purring. Venus in Leo wants to appear experienced in love, even if they have little or no experience whatsoever!

Venus in Leo people have high expectations, but once you know that these expectations revolve only around how much attention you are giving them, you’ll see that they are really quite big-hearted about most everything else. They are threatened by a relationship that appears to have settled too much, or one that’s lost its spark. They are also threatened by indifferent or impersonal behavior on your part. Although their needs for physical expression through sex are generally quite strong, their need for love is perhaps even stronger. It is hard for Venus in Leo people to separate love and sex, and even their most erotic fantasies are infused with love and affection. For this reason, few Venus in Leo folk would last long in a relationship that is mostly sexual. On the flip side, they may last longer in a love-only relationship in the absence of satisfying sex, but they are unlikely to feel very satisfied.

Pleasing Venus in Leo involves paying loads of attention to them. If you’re willing to make only one adjustment in your ways, it should be to remind Leo how wonderful they are. Respect and appreciate them, always. Put up with their childlike moments and their tall tales. They want to be seen as attractive by you, so avoid (at all costs!) putting them down in this area. They actually lose interest when they perceive the slightest loss of interest in their partner, and you can expect that any letdown will be acted out in a dramatic fashion. Remind them, in a gentle way, that your emotions count too. If you are feeling a little jealous, let them know. Remember, to Venus in Leo, your small jealousies are affirmations that you find them attractive and expect the rest of the world to as well. Let them decide where to go on a date, and let them pay too. When Venus in Leo feels loved and appreciated, they reward you with loyalty, a big sense of fun, and plenty of physical expressions of their love.

Short description:

Sincere, frank, and warm affections. She is full of tenderness. High hopes in love. She likes to live and satisfy her passions to the fullest. Can be possessive and might even seduce for the sake of seducing to prove to herself that she is attractive. Very proud in love, and warm-hearted and generous with loved ones.

Venus in VIII: Venus is in the eighth house

Not frightened by the unknown. Sometimes this position means she has a peaceful and happy or natural end of life. Possible inheritance.

Intensity is what you seek in your love relationships, so that casual encounters are not necessarily your game. You are easily bored with mechanical interactions between partners, and might prefer drama in your relationships to anything mundane or superficial. However, you also fear being vulnerable in love, and, in youth, you may control your emotions in love. Fears of being betrayed may be at the heart of your somewhat jealous and possessive nature in love. When you give yourself over to love, you love wholeheartedly and expect all-consuming, total devotion and attention in return. You find passion a healing force in your life. Your charm runs deep–just below the surface. You are attracted to all that is taboo, hidden, forbidden, and find beauty in the broken, disenchanted, obsessed, and passionate. In some cases, people with this position might make a business out of love, romance, and eroticism. There is an intensity about you that others pick up readily. Either they run or they are completely intrigued!

184 Conjunction between Venus - Mars

She is amorous, not a peaceful and calm lover but a passionate one with a strong temperament. She is demonstrative in love, and usually fully enjoys healthy pleasures and life to the full.

Mars represents the desire for action and physical energy.

Mars is in Leo 

This position of Mars gives a drive for significance. Mars in Leo individuals possess a strong need to create in some way–and they are determined that their lives have not only meaning, but significant meaning! This is a particularly vital position of Mars. Passions run high, and so does desire. There is a strong will that gives these natives much staying power. Though Mars in Leo people will enjoy the pleasures of risk-taking, they generally have a strong sense of reason at the end of the day. Mars in Leo people often have well-defined ambitions. Rarely will you find a person with Mars in this position who lives life without a true sense of a “calling”. They act with authority and power, and their personal magnetism generally endows them with the ability to get what they want.

This is one of the more sexual positions of Mars. While they are rather easy to arouse, their passion is long-standing. Mars in Leo natives enjoy sex more than most, as long as heavy doses of love and romance are part of the package. In partnership, they demand loyalty and admiration. Impatient with small-mindedness and disloyalty, Mars in Leo natives generally have a strong idealistic streak. They easily get fired up when they feel they’ve been humiliated, and they defend their high principles with ardor. Mars in Leo natives act with their heart. Their ego is tied up with their actions, so that most anything they do becomes a source of great pride. Though some are self-righteous and quarrelsome, the more sophisticated people with this position are kindly leaders.

Mars in VIII: Mars is in the eighth house

Sexually very powerful, she is also capable of tremendous focus and hard work. Sexually intense and deep. May be adept at professions requiring research, strategy, uncovering truths, and analysis. Arguments may occur over inheritance.

-52 Square between Mars - Pluto

You have a tendency to impose your will upon others, which can cause severe problems for yourself when they react in self-defense. You have a hair-trigger temper and may even resort to verbal or physical abuse when upset. Learning to react to unpleasant circumstances with your intellect rather than your emotions comes with maturity.

It is all too easy for you to find something negative about a situation. Avoid issuing ultimatums when you meet an obstacle. Instead, find a way to convince others to work with you of their own free will. Ordinary life often seems drab and uninteresting to you and you must have something that stirs your imagination, some vision or ideal or dream to motivate you. You have a strong urge to act out your fantasies or to live your dream, and you will DO things that others only talk about or dream about. Artistic creation, drama, or other areas in which you can express yourself imaginatively are excellent for you.

You do not easily tolerate a dominating attitude in others. You have a healthy respect for power and authority, but only if it is handled fairly.

This aspect gives you a somewhat Scorpionic attitude toward your lovers, and it can modify the traits associated with the sign of your Mars considerably. In other words, there is a distinct possessive and demanding streak in your sexual nature. Your approach to love and sex can be quite intense at times. Your sexual desire nature is a very strong one, and you may even use sex as a bargaining chip in your relationships in order to achieve your goals. More likely, however, is a very focused and intense sexual nature. This also adds a very magnetic quality to your appeal. When someone finds you attractive, it can transform into a near obsession! Your aura is strong and somewhat mysterious. You tend to come across as stronger than you intend. In fact, some people are intimidated by you, and you may not understand why this is so. When you want something (or someone!) you are very determined. For you, it can be “all or nothing”. When you are finished with something, you leave it behind you and there is no going back. You want a deep, soulful attachment on a sexual level. In your love life, you don’t always take rejection well. You fear betrayal and abandonment, and this can skew your perception of your lover. You may have a highly developed sex drive, but you may need to learn to rein in your aggressiveness in this area. Power struggles and control issues may surface often in your relationships. You perceive the cruel edge in people, and understand its source. Self-confidence develops out of self-control in your interaction with others.

30 Trine between Mars - Ascendant

She is energetic and direct.

Jupiter represents expansion and grace.

Jupiter is in Gemini

She attracts the most good fortune when she uses her wit and ingeniousness, as well as when she is versatile, sociable, curious, and puts others at ease with friendliness and sincere curiosity. She values the intellect and sees opportunities to grow and succeed through intellectual, verbal, and written channels. She believes that intelligence and knowledge is the key to solving problems.

Jupiter in VII: Jupiter is in the seventh house

She has a good marriage or partnership, with a useful partner who helps to bring success if only by their advice. Good legal outcomes. Traditionally, this placement has been associated with benefits through marriage or partnership.

2 Trine between Jupiter - Lilith

She could meet a partner much wealthier than herself. Good sexual understanding.

Saturn represents contraction and effort.

Saturn is in Capricorn

She can be scrupulous, honest, correct, worthy, and respectable.

Potential weaknesses: melancholy, sullenness, disappointment, and bitterness.

Saturn in I: Saturn is in the first house

She can be self-conscious in new situations, especially when young. Her manner is rather cautious and guarded. First reactions to new ideas or plans are reticent and somewhat negative, but these are only first reactions. Can be methodical, patient, a bit distrustful or initially reluctant, quite polite. She may speak little at first and does not waste energy unnecessarily. She has a good memory and strong sense of organization, preferring to do things well. She is never slapdash and has a strong sense of responsibility.

100 Conjunction between Saturn - Uranus

She knows how to be on top of the situation. She perseveres, is determined but ingenious and original. She is very practical. She proceeds slowly, but is always bound to achieve her objectives in the end.

347 Conjunction between Saturn - Neptune

Her plans are realized in a methodical fashion. She works hard to achieve success.

143 Sextile between Saturn - Pluto

She perseveres, achieving her projects through hard work.

-6 Square between Saturn - Lilith

She may live with an older or more mature person. Whereas this will seem quite amazing at the beginning of their life together, she may end up frustrated with this person over time.

Uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty.

Uranus in Capricorn

Can have some problems accessing her intuition, since common sense often dominates. A great battler. She has so much power that one thinks nothing can defeat her. Her mission in society and in the world can mean everything to her. May question traditions and can be very open to redefining the meaning of success and to changing up traditional approaches to career and status.

Uranus in I: Uranus is in the first house

She is above all independent and original. Sometimes blunt and irritable. Never allows herself be influenced. She does not tolerate any sort of setback. She is ready for adventure, even if it’s a bit risky.

Uranus in the first house alters the way an individual projects personal energies onto others. You are likely to seek, may demand, freedom in the way you present yourself to the world. Dressing simply but quirkily, you will have no problems in asserting yourself. You are not shy in letting everyone know where you stand on issues. In fact you take pride in presenting your unique perspective. “I am a simple soul with few wants and needs,” is what you tell yourself. All you can feel is an altruistic desire to change the world! Friends and relatives probably find you a trifle erratic. They know you to be good-hearted and genuine about your feelings. Your passions rise fast and you lose interest at the same rate.

40 Conjunction between Uranus - Neptune

She can be wildly creative with an odd but happy sense of humor and perspective. She is an idealist, easily disappointed by those using power plays to advance.

Neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty.

Neptune is in Capricorn

She is discerning, wise, and sensible.

Neptune in I

She is intuitive, sensitive. Not a fighter and can be indecisive. Usually projects an image of softness. May have some identity problems until she decides on a more spiritual or artistic path. May be psychic or simply strongly intuitive. Gentle and yielding. Changeable appearance or image, particularly if Neptune is close to the Ascendant.

64 Sextile between Neptune - Pluto

She is perceptive and able to see layers to a situation. She is naturally drawn to learning what makes herself and others tick.

-3 Square between Neptune - Lilith

Love can dominate her life. She could lose her head over someone to whom there’s an intense attraction, which can become troublesome if she loses all idea of reality. If she is not loved in return, so what - she will love for the two of them. With time, if the bond loses its spark, she can have difficulty disentangling herself and she can suffer enormously. It’s best to look to a trusted outside source for guidance in vulnerable times.

Pluto represents transformations, mutations, and elimination.

Pluto is in Scorpio

Fear of betrayal. Sensual and passionate.

Black Moon Lilith represents our darker, deeper natures that may be repressed or buried.

Lilith in Libra

She may have felt uncomfortable or wrong for needing companionship or seeking approval from others. Or, she may feel that dependency and compromise are weak and not “right,” and this can lead to periods of intense neediness followed by independence. Accepting that we all need to lean on others from time to time can help resolve problems with extreme behaviors in relationships.

North Node-South Node The South Node represents our overdeveloped character traits. We are talented here but if we overdo this area of life or hold onto these traits to feel secure, we may stagnate. 

The North Node points to the qualities that we need to work on and develop to achieve inner balance and fulfillment.

True North Node in Aquarius

Her path is to learn to be more impartial and less possessive in relationships and with creative projects. As she learns to let go of the need for a passionate chase, satisfaction will come to her naturally as she sees that she nevertheless gets what she needs. Relationships may suffer if she takes things too personally and expects others to follow a script that she has unconsciously written for them. She learns to moderate her desire for drama and attention, and then develops true friendships. Qualities to develop: detachment, impartiality, humility.

North Node in II: North Node in the Second House

Her path relates to earning her own way and making firm executive decisions. Although she readily falls back on supportive relationships, and she is good at handling others’ resources and encouraging them to be the best they can be, she needs to learn to depend on herself and to apply these same lessons to her own life so that intimate relationships and health improve many times over. She should remember that drama does not equal love. She should not allow intense emotions and relationships to disrupt her practical life. Learning when not to share can be rewarding, too! Qualities to develop: simplicity, patience, self-reliance, self-sufficiency.

The Houses

House I is the area of self identity. The ascendant is a symbol of how one acts in life. It is the image of the personality as seen by others, and the attitude that one has towards life.

Cancer with ascendant Sagittarius

Ascendant is Sagittarius

The world is filled with adventure, new things to experience, and, most of all, hope, with this Ascendant. There is an unmistakable faith and enthusiasm with Sagittarius rising people. Grand schemes, big promises, and a willingness to explore and experiment are themes, although follow-through is not a strong characteristic of Sagittarius. These individuals are somewhat restless and often active people. They always seem to be looking for something that is just out of grasp – and many do this their entire lives. They can be quite direct at times, yet they are likable enough to forgive for their faux-pas. Most have a lot to say and offer. Their insights and opinions are usually interesting and exciting, although sometimes lacking in details.

Sagittarius rising people have opinions about everything, and they just love telling others exactly what they are. Not all people with this position are outgoing folk, but they all have a way of moving about that at least exudes a certain level of confidence. Some might even call them naive or overly optimistic. Even the quiet ones don’t shrink from life and from experience. One of the most obvious and endearing traits of Sagittarius rising is their willingness to keep up a sense of humor. Even when they’re feeling low, they manage to find humor in life and have fun with whatever they do have. The placement of Sagittarius’ ruling planet, Jupiter, will give more clues to how they go about expressing themselves. Jupiter in Capricorn, for example, might give a more sarcastic approach, but underneath there lies an unmistakable hope and spirit for living.

House II - the second house - is the area of material security and values. It rules money and personal finances, sense of self-worth and basic values, personal possessions.

Capricorn on House II

A cautious approach to money and personal finances, possessions. Financial success may be slow but steady. A hard worker. Savings are important. Patience with accumulating. Money situation improves with maturity.

House III - the third house - is the area of social and intellectual learning.

Pisces on House III

Ideas are somewhat changeable, and her humor as well. Travel, sea voyages or work connected with the sea.

House IV - the fourth house - is the area of home, family, roots, and deep emotions/sense of self-worth.

Aries on House IV

Lots of authority within the family. She knows how to take the destiny of the family in hand, to take charge. She is very energetic, very strong, knowing how to cope with life’s setbacks.

House V - the fifth house - is the area of creative self-expression, romance, entertainment, children, and gambling.

Taurus on House V

A pleasant home, a charming partner, loving and sweet children, nice little meals, pleasant evenings with the loved one – the good life.

House VI - the sixth house - is the area of learning by material transaction.

Taurus on House VI

Completely trusted at work. She knows how to keep a secret and can be of irreproachable honesty. Weak point: the throat.

House VII - the seventh house - is the area of one-to-one relationships such as marriage and partnership, and of social and intellectual action.

Gemini on House VII

Can marry or partner quite young. A second partnership may have less passion but a lot of friendship. Can be frightened of living alone in old age. She may prefer others do the talking much of the time.

House VIII - the eighth house - is the area of emotional security and of security of the soul.

Cancer on House VIII

Small inheritances possible. She usually plans well for old age.

House IX - the ninth house - is the area of learning that shapes the identity.

Virgo on House IX

She is devoted to all causes that bring comfort or help to people in difficulty.

House X - the tenth house - is the area of material action. The Midheaven represents the work one will do in one’s life, the place one will take in the world of society. It becomes more important as one grows older.

Libra on House X

Contacts of all kinds will lead to social success, professional, through marriage, etc. She likes society life, friendships that could help professionally. Sometimes jobs connected with justice, but frequently involved with important and influential people.

House XI - the eleventh house - is the area of search for social and intellectual security.

Scorpio on House XI

She likes to debate endlessly with friends who don’t share her ideas. The discussion can lead to words or even verbal sparring.

House XII - the twelfth house - is the area of education and of emotion. This is where we meet our karma, deal with endings, and sometimes where we bury things.

Scorpio on House XII

Investigative work or inclination. She likes investigating other people’s private lives.

Birth Chart: here  

Using London, England, I don’t know where she was born.

Thanks for the ASK!

[foolgobi65]

aagata

this is a horrible mishmash of a bunch of ideas and also just want to recognize that theres no real reason for this to be a genderswap except that this had originally started as a genderswap a year ago and i was too lazy to rewrite a few parts to locate them within womens quarters instead of the general city. i hope you can find at least some parts to like! thank you @avani008 for being an amazing mod !!! 

When Rukmaratha is sixteen he is sent to Mathura to witness the bow festival of Kamsa, the General of Jarasandha and a man Rukmaratha’s eldest brother attempts to imitate in the relative privacy of his chambers. It is the thickness and curl of the mustache, Rukmaratha muses absently, that Kamsa has been able to perfect over all others during the last 20 years of unchallenged supremacy.

“Have you heard,” someone whispers behind Rukmaratha and despite his years of royal etiquette training he leans back to listen. “She survived.”

“The elephant? I heard it was mad!”

“It was. We all thought the brother would be the one to control it, but I heard she simply stepped from behind him and fought the beast in the street like any other man.”

“You say that as if there is a man alive who has managed to defeat Kuvalayapida.” Rukmaratha flushes, only realizing that he has spoken when the men turn away from each other to face the interloper. Still, the idea that Kamsa’s wild elephant has been tamed is such that Rukmaratha cannot bring himself to apologize.

“You’re right,” one of the men, seemingly an affluent trader, laughs. “And perhaps that is why the girl Krishnaa succeeded. She ran in and out of Kuvalayapida legs until he grew weary, and then she allowed herself to be captured by his trunk.”

Rukmaratha thinks of the many men Kuvalayapida has strangled but the trader only smiles, changing his stance from that of a local gossip to a bard retelling a tale of yore. “Just as the beast would have strangled her, she began to speak, even as she was held at such a height that a drop would have killed her instantly.” Rukmaratha’s eyes widen at the thought. “No one could hear the words,” the trader continues, “but it seemed that Kuvalayapida loosened his grip until Krishnaa could balance on his trunk, and then climb to sit atop the elephant as if he hadn’t been attempting to kill her just moments before!”

“Oh,” Rukmaratha sighs, and wonders at the way his heart races just hearing about a tale of such valor. What it would be to see such a feat in person. “I have never heard her name,” he says after a moment of thought. “Is the lady a princess from afar?”

Both men laugh, the first so hard that tears begin to stream from his eyes. “Hardly,” the second man chokes out when he sees his companion is in no position to speak. “She is the daughter of the local cowherd chieftain Nanda. They came to see the festival.”

***

Years before Rukmaratha is born, when even his eldest brother Rukmi is barely six-months, Jarasandha invades. Bhishmaka is the Bhoja’s eldest cadet, the Crown Prince of the kingdom and he rides valiantly in his nation’s defense but fails. His father the King is forced to step down, and Bhishmaka is elevated in his place, humiliating defeat a constant reminder of the consequences of rebellion.

Rukmi, Bhishmaka’s only child at the time, is demanded as a sign of mutual goodwill. He will be raised well, Jarasandha insists, and trained amongst the best Magadha has to offer. It will be a far better life than one found in Kundinapura and in time, Jarasandha assures the frantic Queen, Rukmi will be returned to his homeland a seasoned warrior and an appropriate executor of Jarasandha’s will.

In return, Bhishmaka will have the lion’s share of the royal obligations -- Jarasandha has no use for the minutias of rule and cares little beyond what Vidharbha can provide in soldiers and taxes. But Bhishmaka, haunted by his loss, has little stomach for the throne; it is his younger sons who, between themselves, manage the daily tasks of royal command.

As a child Rukmaratha is often sickly, so he grows neither strong nor skilled and as the youngest is able to take advantage of the fact that there was always an elder brother more suited to the Emperor’s needs. He is allowed then, despite the Imperial dictate that demands the separation of royal son from homeland, to remain with his parents in Vidharba. Rukmaratha finds this suits him entirely, and manages to cultivate a wide variety of intellectual interests that Jarasandha deems amusing as opposed to a threat.

At just sixteen Rukmaratha is known to be a scholar, a musician, a dancer. He is charming, Imperial spies say, and witty. He is kind to those who know him, shows great compassion to the subjects of his father, and if some say that he exerts an undue influence on the minds of his nation’s common-folk, he is believed far too innocent to take advantage.

Rumaratha is all of these things, but in his heart, he is also a traitor.

***

In the city of Mathura, inside and out of the palaces that Rukmaratha’s fellow royals are kept the people speak of nothing else. “Kamsa is dead,” they say, even while the man takes breath, “Her Child has Come.”

Rukmaratha walks the streets wearing cotton cloth and silver around his neck in an attempt to understand the way the city has come alive almost a generation after its initial subjugation. In every shop and street corner there is a whisper, a story, a hope that Rukmaratha did not know had been fostered. A dying ember that somehow had kept warm the Yadava heart during the years since Kamsa had walked into the Gathering of Chiefs as Ugrasena’s son and walked out their King.

“Well you see,” the Royal flower vendor, a man whose family has sold all his garlands to the Palace for generations had said, voice low, “there was the prophecy--”

This much, even Rukmaratha knows. The marriage that would consolidate the two most powerful clans of the Mathura Yadavas, the voice that proclaimed the Yadava general Kamsa’s death at the hands of his beloved sister’s eighth child. Vasudev’s bargain for the life of his wife in exchange for any children they might have in the future. In Vidharbha, Vasudev is considered quite the fool for risking the hell reserved for those who have no sons to perform their final rites, especially when for all his efforts he wound up with a wife gone mad.

“It is not madness,” the vendor snaps. “It is divinity.”

Rukmaratha raises an eyebrow. What few reports exist of the lady Devaki report that she has spent the years since the loss of her eighth child in relative silence, singing cradle songs to babies long dead.

The vendor sighs. “If it is madness, then sure it is of a type divine, borne of Her sacrifice for us Yadavas struggling under the weight of His rule.” They speak of Kamsa in this way, 30 years after the creation of his throne, afraid of summoning his presence by uttering his name. Devaki, too, is only ever referred to as Our Lady. Vasudev, a man whose plight is so popular outside, almost seems to have been forgotten.

“In the beginning,” the vendor whispers, picking up the thread of his story once more, “She refused. Our Lady was unconscious while the skies spoke, and when she woke she decided that she would never know Vasudev as a husband in order to keep herself from the grief of giving life to children already dead.”

Rukmaratha swallows. “What changed?”

The vendor clenches his jaw. “He became King. Six hundred of our sons were killed when the Emperor tried to take Hastinapura, and the Vrishni villages revolted. Thirty were burned entirely before they agreed to His terms.” His eyes widen, gaining the type of sheen only born of true fervor and devotion. “They say that She could hear the wails of the Yadava women from the palace where He kept them imprisoned, and that their grief at losing one son was such that She decided that She could sacrifice seven of her own.”

It is a compelling tale, but for the one part that Rukmaratha believes must be missing. The prophecy spoke of Kamsa’s death at the hands of Devaki’s eighth, but as far as what Rukmaratha has heard, the eighth child is dead. Her head was bashed against the rock of Devaki and Vasudev’s prison cell, and it is believed that it was this final loss that finally drove Devaki insane.

“Seven?”

The vendor smiles. “The first six, we all watched fall under their uncle’s sword, murdered in the center of the city for all of us to see. The seventh miscarried, but so late that it might have been called a birth had the child lived. But the eighth.” His voice lowers even further, a murmur almost lost amongst the noise of the market. “Usually the children were born in the palace, even in the years after Our Lady and her husband were moved to the dungeon. When Our Lady felt the first of the birth pangs she would be taken to a room, and the news announced throughout the city. Just when the infant left her body it would be taken by a midwife, cleaned of the birth blood and presented to Him, to be executed in the city center in front of us all.”

Rukmaratha winces at the brutality of it all. “Is this not what happened with the eighth?” He would have assumed Kamsa to be even more strict when faced with the actual child of his prophesied death.

“It should have,” the vendor whispers, “but it didn’t! There was a storm around the time the lady Devaki was due to give birth, one of such power and floods that had never been seen in Mathura before. No one could move from their homes a full fortnight afterwards, and when we did, the child was gone.”

“Gone?”

The vendor nods. “There was a child when He walked into their prison cell, and that baby was killed like the others but when it died the skies laughed and said that it was too late. The true Deliverer was alive.”

Suddenly, he throws his head back and laughs, the sound even louder for how quiet he has been so far. “That is the child that has returned. We don’t know where they are, but somewhere in Mathura the Deliverer has arrived.”

***

As a child, Rukmaratha knows more of his grandfather than of his noble father Bhishmaka. Rukmaratha’s mother is too busy with the grief of losing so many of her sons to the Imperial core, and loathe to build a connection to another boy that will only be made a stranger in a few short years. His father is more given to brooding in his throne room than to noticing the general existence of his youngest, most sickly son. By the time that the Queen realizes her child’s delicate disposition will keep him away, that she can be free to shower Rukmaratha with all the love and care she had previously withheld, the damage has been done -- it is to the deposed king that Rukmaratha calls, for advice, for kisses, for a listening ear as Rukmaratha spins stories of what things will be like when Jarasandha is dead.

Rukmaratha’s grandfather, still smarting from his forced abdication, is perhaps not the most diligent agents of Jarasandha’s empire when it comes to quelling dissent. Rukmaratha’s lessons, entirely the purview of his grandfather, are of a type not usually granted to sixth sons -- he is taught how to rule only so that he may one day teach his own son, and preserve the ways of the Bhojas when his elder brothers cannot. It is under his grandfather’s watchful eye that Rukmaratha is taught the ways of the Bhoja kings, how Bhojas wage wars of peace, how Bhojas only collect revenue when their dependents prosper. There are not many things available to those who wish to work against the will of the Empire, but Rukmaratha is allowed to walk the lands that his grandfather cannot and in private he manages to relate stories from faithful subjects, all only too glad to keep up a correspondence through Rukmaratha to comfort their old King now under house arrest.

The Vidharbans are hungry, and grieving the loss of their sons to the same army that has stolen Rukmaratha’s brothers. They are forced to give too much of what they produce to maintain the Imperial forces, not only Jarasandha’s army but the host of Imperial officers that quell rebellion when local royalty is unwilling. People are afraid to have children, lest they force them to grow up under the iron fist of Magadha that will eventually grow so tight that they will die, gasping for air.

“Grandfather,” Rukmaratha asks one day, skin burning from a fever that had swept through the Vidharban capital and left only funeral pyres in its wake. They had all been so careful, but there has never been an illness caught by a citizen of Kundinapura that did not eventually leave its mark on the youngest prince. Rukmaratha’s grandfather is bent with age but still sits beside him, dipping silk cloths into cold water and laying them across Rukmaratha’s burning forehead.

“Grandfather,” Rukmaratha breathes again, “will things always be this way?”

Will I die even as Jarasandha lives? Will we all?

Rukmaratha is so warm that he can barely feel the fingers his grandfather brushes against his cheeks. Later, the doctors will tell him that his survival was an act of the Almighty, that there must have been a reason for him to live when so many others had succumbed.

Later, Rukmaratha will believe that he lived, in order to realize the truth of his grandfather’s next words.

“No,” the King says, shoulders straightening as he moves Rukmaratha’s head until their eyes can meet for Rukmaratha to know the truth of what he says. “One day things will be better. And we will all be alive to see it.”

****

The second story Rukmaratha stumbles across almost by chance, the stray bits of a tall tale carried by the driver of a bullock cart that passes in front of Rukmaratha as he crosses the street in search of news about the Deliverer.

“It’s true,” the cowherd shouts to his friend sitting in the back. “She has Arrived!”

Rukmaratha, hearing the reverence and joy that only comes when the Yadavas speak of their savior, follows the cart as it wends its way out of the Mathura city center and towards the camps of villagers who have come to witness the celebrations and sell their specialized wares.

“Excuse me,” he asks, throwing away a lifetime’s worth of royal courtesy and etiquette. “Who is She?” The cowherds, taken aback only for a moment, look between themselves before inviting Rukmaratha into their camp.

15 years ago, Devaki delivered her eighth child, a baby that outside Mathura was known to be dead. Kamsa, they all agree, executed a child for the eighth time -- but for this, the all important agent of his death, he was not prepared to leave anything to chance. Every Yadava born the year of Devaki’s pregnancy was sentenced to death, soldiers dispatched to every village and city street to check for children and deliver them to a massive funeral pyre set up in the stadium that now hosts the Lord’s Bow.

In Gokul, the villagers whisper, a child was born, the fruit of almost a decade of prayer by parents slowly entering middle age. The birth is long, and Yashodha, wife of the kindly Vrishni village head Nanda is almost lost -- the village women take turns nursing her daughter during the long weeks of Yashodha’s recovering, and by the time Kamsa’s soldiers makes their way to Gokul the baby girl is child of them all.

The villagers give up their own children, all infants under the age of one, but they balk at turning over the child Krishnaa, skin as dark as the rain clouds that covered the sun the entire time her mother labored. The other women might have other children, or already have enough that they can believe that their grief will someday pass. Yashodha, who has just celebrated 40 years, whose braid contains streaks of grey amongst the black, will not. Yashodha, who has only ever lived in hope of a child, who has kissed every one of Gokul’s children and sent them home with far too much butter and curd, will not survive the loss of her girl.

For a month, the gopis pass Krishnaa from house to house, hiding her in their kitchens, in their cupboards, even in their skirts as the soldiers roam in search of babies for Kamsa’s grand pyre. The soldiers leave, and Yashodha is finally strong enough to host a festival in honor of the Great God in thanks for His blessing. There is talk first, as to whether her joy might be considered entirely appropriate amidst everyone else’s grief, but in the end Yashodha sits with every woman of Gokul marvelling at the beauty of their collective baby. Never, they say, has a child ever been loved like Krishnaa.  

It is for this reason, that the arrival of Putana takes them by such surprise. Finally the cowherds believed themselves to be safe, and Krishnaa is kept proudly in the swinger set in Nanda’s courtyard, finally able to be admired by all in the light of day. When she is hungry she is picked up by the nearest woman with milk in her breast, passed to another to be bounced, and still another to be rocked back to sleep before being laid in her cradle. It is almost too easy for Putana, poison smeared across her nipples, to take Krishnaa to her breast and hold her there until she dies.

Putana, that is -- Krishnaa suckles all of the milk out of Putana’s breast, and her life as well. It is only when Putana collapses that the villagers realize that something was amiss.

The story passes from Vrishni village to Vrishni village like wildfire, a glimmer of hope in the countryside for people who have never concerned themselves with the story of the Deliverer, never concerned by the goings on of the city unless they were being robbed of their infant children.

Demon after demon finds its way to Gokul, and demon after demon finds itself dead at the feet of the newly christened Gopi of Gokul. Not even the eventual move to Vrindavan, an experiment to see if it was the land or the child that was cursed, is enough to change the name by which Krishnaa is known by in the grazing lands of Braj. Vrindavan, close to Andhaka led Barsana, only encourages the legend to spread beyond the ears of Vrishnis, and where their clan counterparts in the city have formed an alliance through shared grief at the state of their scions, Andhaka and Vrishni cowherds find themselves united in the face of a miracle.

The Gopi of Gokul lives, again and again, where every other Yadava child has died. Kamsa, every villager says, has grown obsessed with this girl he cannot kill, refuses to acknowledge his failure and instead sends demon after demon, destroying Braj in pursuit of this final life that has managed to survive his orders. Krishnaa is taken, beaten, drowned, burned and still they find her smiling, standing proud amongst the corpse of the fool instructed to deliver her corpse. This, Rukmaratha realizes, is the tamer of Kuvalayapida who succeeded where all others have failed.

Poisoned water has become clear, the villagers say, and the Govardhan mountain rose in defiance of the God Indra at her touch. The Yadavas of Mathura dismiss the cowherds as simple, villagers prone to spinning tales for their own amusement. Besides, if there were to be a person capable of such miracles, surely it would be the Deliverer, whose arrival was heralded by the Gods themselves.

The idea of a village cowherdess, defeating demons even soldiers would quail at facing. Absurd!

***

Rukmaratha enters Kamsa’s stadium on the last day of the Bow Sacrifice, his head spinning with everything that has transpired. Mathura, it seems, has become the site of miracles -- Kuvalayapida is tamed one day, a hunchback woman made straight the next. The day before, Kamsa’s sacrificial bow, the weapon of the Great God was broken in two.

With no bow to offer back to the Lord, Kamsa has called for an afternoon of wrestling. The stadium buzzes with barely contained excitement. Those of Mathura clasp hands, waiting with bated breath for the appearance of their Savior after 30 years in the darkness. Rukmaratha can see the cowherds of Braj laughing, talking easily of the last days’ miracles after years of their own.

There is an idea slowly dawning on Rukmaratha, a story so incredible that it is frightening to even contemplate. There was a prophecy, and a storm during which two impossible children are born. Vasudev, erstwhile chief of the Vrishnis, delivers his own child inside prison walls, a baby believed to be the salvation of Mathura.

The people of Mathura believe that their savior escaped. If Vasudev could, somehow, have found his way out of the dungeon, where would he have gone?

In the countryside, safe in a Vrishni village grows a girl who defies the will of Kamsa, performing miracles as easily as breathing for the entertainment and satisfaction of her peers. Her father Nanda is proudly known to have been the particular friend of his clan chief Vasudev, playmates for the summer that Vasudev spent amongst the cowherds that he would one day come to lead.

Is it possible, Rukmaratha wonders, for the two legends to be one and the same? For the Deliverer, child of the two most powerful Yadava bloodlines, to have been raised the daughter of a cowherd, dancing and playing the flute for her flock when she is not eliminating Kamsa’s demons?

The crowd roar, and Rukmaratha puts aside his thoughts to find Chanur, Mathura’s finest wrestler screaming a challenge to the person who has captured the Yadava imagination.

“I know you are here,” he calls out. “If you truly think that you can kill my King, why don’t you come and try me first? Fight me like a man if you dare.”

There is a moment, before the world changes, when Rukmaratha wonders if it is possible for prophecies to come true. If there really is a Deliverer, Devaki’s miraculous eighth child spirited away only to return all these years later and rescue the Yadavas from the yoke of their tyrant. If there really can be a girl who lifts mountains, who has waged a silent war against demon and god alike and won.

He watches the cowherds of Braj, notices the resignation on the man he identifies as Nanda’s face as they all part. What Rukmaratha had struggled to even contemplate instantly becomes clear. The Deliverer walks away from the family that had, for sixteen years provided shelter, and takes her first step into the arena of her destiny.

The crowd, which had grown silent during the wait, erupts. All of them, however they know her, united in this moment by their belief in the miracles she alone can create on their behalf.

Ten thousand infants exactly Krishnaa’s age are dead, ten thousand more lost to the ravages of the Maghadhan lust for empire expansion. Rukmaratha wonders faintly at how a nation’s hope can rest on the slender shoulders of this girl busy unraveling her turban. Now that he can see her outside of the legends passed on the street he realizes that she can’t be more than a year younger or older than he, and when he looks her body is slender in a way that the giant at her side is not. Rukmaratha is sixteen, and later he will tell his wife that there was a time when he removed his crown and thought to run down ten flights of steps in a haphazard plan to save the Savior of Mathura from the grip of the wrestler Chanur.

The fact that Chanur is dead by the time Rukmaratha jostles his way past even one flight of kings is irrelevant -- it is the thought, his wife insists, that counts. But now Rukmaratha cannot see her face, so he contents himself with observing the way that Krishnaa’s hair has come undone from its knot, strands blending into the dark skin of her shoulders, her neck, eventually falling so low as the small of her back as she walks from Chanur’s body towards Kamsa’s throne. The red of Chanur’s final flailing breaths has stained the yellow cloth around her waist, tied above her knees in the manner of male laborers.

The arena has grown silent once more. One soldier charges, but Krishnaa only dodges, reaching out her arm to grab for the collar of his armor and throwing him into the dust before proceeding as if she had never been interrupted. Rukmaratha wonders if she is afraid.

“Uncle,” she calls out calmly mere steps away from the throne, as if Kamsa has not murdered six of her siblings, imprisoned the parents of her birth, and terrorized the countryside in search of the child that would end his life. Rukmaratha swallows. “I am here.”

A duel, Rukmaratha knows, is conducted between two equals. It is a battle of strength and skill, which brings honor to both sides regardless of the eventual victor. Kamsa, the triumphant General of Jarasandha’s forces, cannot possibly challenge an unarmed girl child raised to graze cows, prophecy or not.

Kamsa raises his sword.

“You think you can kill me?” Kamsa shouts as he runs, sword aloft. “You think you can kill me?”

Krishnaa throws back her head and laughs, and for Rukmaratha it is as if all time has stopped -- every moment before and after bleeding until it all comprises of nothing more than sound of Krishnaa’s laugh in the King’s arena. Rukmaratha, who has wondered if he would live crushed under the boot of Jarasandha’s regime his whole life, begins to Believe.

Her body ripples with mirth, shoulders bent back to expose the delicate lines of her neck even as her uncle swings to chop off her head. Krishnaa takes a single step to the left and straightens, all evidence of amusement lost in the rigidity of her limbs.

She shifts just slightly and then turns to face Kamsa whose strength always outweighed his speed. Rukmaratha, and the people of Mathura, can finally see her face.

“Uncle,” Krishnaa says again, her voice somehow filling the arena even though her tone is that of one who is trading gossip with a friend. Her eyes, though -- Rukmaratha knows that he will live 100 lifetimes and never forget the way he saw destiny in her eyes. Krishnaa is no girl when she grabs for the sword hanging uselessly by Kamsa’s side. She kicks Kamsa and when she sets her foot on top of his chest Rukmaratha feels the world shake. Krishnaa crouches, sword in hand and uses Kamsa’s hair to lift his head off the dirt of the arena.

This Krishnaa, the Gopi of Gokul, is no girl -- she is a force of nature.

“You can’t kill me!” Kamsa shouts, again and again, Jarasandha’s General flailing uselessly under Krishnaa’s grip. There is a moment when Krishnaa pauses, her grip loosening on the sword and Rukmaratha wonders if she could be so foolish as to let her uncle go. There are of course men of honor who would see their defeat as an equivalent to their death, but Rukmaratha has not lived his entire life in the Emperor’s shadow to believe that there are such things as honorable men in today’s day and age.

“Uncle,” she says one last time and raises the sword. She gazes at Kamsa in the way an elephant must gaze at an ant, if it even sees something so much smaller and inconsequential than itself. “I already have.”

The sword flashes and Kamsa’s head lands in the dust.

Devaki’s eighth child, the Deliverer heralded by the heavens and raised a cowherd rises from the body of her uncle clutching his conch in her left hand, palm slick with his blood. When she blows, she closes her eyes; the sound of a new era passes through the arena, the city, the nation, until it must reach the very corners of the Earth. Her right foot still rests atop Kamsa’s chest.

“Vaasudeva,” the arena murmurs, and Rukmaratha wonders at how he can feel the wheel of fate turn at this moment, not only for the world but for himself. He wonders for a moment at the idea of Devaki’s Daughter being known as her father’s child after all these years, but then the arena says it again and he realizes. Vaasudeva, not only her father’s daughter, but another name of God -- the ultimate divinity made manifest in the flesh. Rukmaratha looks around him and realizes that he, alone, is not on his knees. “Vaasudeva,” the crowd says louder, in one voice that drips reverence from every syllable, “you have come.”

Rukmaratha is only glad that he lived to see it himself.

[myfandomrambles]

Yeah so Dumbledore?

I have a lot of feels. Dumbledore was such a part of my childhood, as much as he was to harry he was larger than life and a father figure. Which yes is a lot of projection, and probably kind of unhealthy, but I didn't have one or at least one who actually filled that void? So I saw Dumbledore the same way I think Harry did. But now like Dumbledore kind of let me down, it's sad.

And I'm gonna be honest I feel kind of betrayed, it's even worse now that Rowling is kinda really living up to the "don't meet your heroes" adage.  I know that everyone is gonna tell me I over-identified with Harry and Dumbledore is fake your too caught up in this "go outside" and like your right! However there is something that growing up with something does imprint on your brain, my escape from abuse, an unstable living situation, an absent father, being disabled and not having many friends. So Harry Potter became a huge and saving grace to a scared tiny isolated scared child.

So what did Dumbledore do??

The first reason was I realised Dumbledore left Harry with his abusers. And you can’t say he never knew Harry was being abused. He had years of time to notice

First, he knew what went down between Lily and Petunia, and knew her views on magic.  

Then if you say he didn't know what went on between (which he could have done) when his school letters said: "cupboard under the stairs" and the attempted to keep him from Hogwarts.  

When they meet Harry he has clothes that don't fit, he was malnourished and like a lot his behaviours were odd. He asks not to be sent home.

In POA Harry runs away and hides in Diagon Alley and you even have that he would rather live with Sirius who he knew like an hour who was homeless than going back. 

In OOTF Dumbledore sends a letter knowing he would have convinced her not to kick Harry out! 

Okay, I get blood wards, but honestly, they could have found other ways to protect him then leaving him to be abused his whole childhood.

Dumbledore’s Pawns.

The next big thing Dumbledore is his very, very manipulative behaviour. He is right up there with Slughorn collecting people. But instead of collecting political assets he collects isolated people to be used.

In FBAWTFT we see him manipulating Newt again using a younger impressionable person to do his bidding in his battle. 

Next, we have Hagrid, he knew that Hagrid did not kill Myrtle, but lets him be kicked out and lose his wand. However what he does next gives him a job at Hogwarts later, which could be seen as nice but Hagrid becomes deathly loyal to Dumbledore and Dumbledor uses him as he pleases after this. He is half-giant and lacks NEWTS he becomes one of the kinds of people Dumbledore uses. Then we have Remus. Dumbledore gives Lupin something great an education and friends. However, Dumbledore then lets him end up more hurt, keeping him isolated and easier to use. Makes him go back to werewolves then after he loses all his friends lets him live in horrible isolated poverty. Dumbledore could have helped Remus and got him a job but he doesn't do this till he is useful again. And then continues to make him nothing but a pawn in a game.  But his loyalty to Dumbledore ends up flying in the face of logic and it is really sad and dangerous.

Now Sirius. Dumbledore had to have known he was not the Secret Keeper. He also knew Peter did and that he gave them up, but did nothing to help Sirius let him go through hell in Azkaban, ruing his relationship with his only remaining friend and never have access to Harry denying both of them a family. Then he locks him back into the home he suffered abuse and he lived his remaining life as a fugitive. Sirius isn't helped as a person but used as a tool like everyone else.

While I'm not a Snape lover, he is used like this too. Again he is a lost and alone person. He had no choice really to not follow Dumbledores orders ever. Dumbledore keeps him close, uses him as a spy and then forces Snape to murder him, which within the canon Splits your soul! Snape was a man who was used by both sides, while not my favourite person he was still a Dumbledore pawn.

Of course, the worst is Harry. Harry's whole life up till DH is manipulated by Dumbledore. His parents were members of the order. Harry was forced into an abusive home because it was Dumbledors plan with no real family or support. In PS the whole philosopher's stone adventure feels contrived, really why would they have an obstacle course that kids could beat, not to mention they don't offer them support or an explanation leaving them to do it themselves. In POA he hides information from him then gives cryptic ass directions instead of actual help again leaving Harry and other kids to do all the work, not to mention knowing snape would ruin lupins life and doing nothing. Letting the whole god damn Triwizard tournament happen when he knows something is wrong, they could just not do it. Dumbledore offers no support when he knows it is a plant and not a real competition. In OOTF he keeps Harry in the dark letting him never deal with anything, doesn't explain what the dreams are when he clearly knows ahead of time, doesn't keep him in the loop about stuff that directly affects him and by this point he knew about Horcruxes and told him nothing, doesn't explain how the prophecy really works or anything! Then he does all this odd cryptic ass shit in the sixth book directly uses him as a tool explicitly and then doesn't give him any real information about Horcruxes, that he is one, what the deathly hallows are and doesn't tell him about Snape so he thinks he watches someone betray him also not listening to his warning about Malfoy when Harry has been fighting your battles for years!  Then you learn he was going to let him die, he raised and manipulated a child to be willing to die for a cause.

He even hires people to teach DADA knowing it is a sentence for them to experience tragedy instead of I don't know coming up with a new post to teach defensive magic and circumvent the curse.

Dumbledore is the embodiment of "young men die in older men's wars".

Power and Influence

Dumbledore was also always after power, I don't doubt by the time of Voldemort he was against his terrorism which is wonderful, but in his youth he was willing to go along with those beliefs and then changed he understood as well as Voldemort that kids were the future and his position at Hogwarts allowed that,  but he still had his hand in politics whenever Fudge or Malfoy wanted to control him they kicked him from politics and stripped his fancy titles, but he always got them back. He commanded loyalty as well. None of the Hogwarts teachers, order members or non-death-eater students ever pushed back against him. 

However, he had no problems using them or lying to them. He gave strategic levels of information he created a false "grandfather" liker persona which people believed only letting it down very rarely, The examples I can think of Harry and Snape mainly from what I remember.

I can't help but feel like everything about him was a lie, the man was always more focused on the long game that he had no problem leaving broken people in his wake. And honestly, that hurts a lot in a kind of visceral way. And honestly, it annoys me to no end that in TCC he's apologised away from because of I don't know love? Honestly, the most accurate portrayal post-DH is the Hogwarts Mystery game where he is already letting children do his job.

Conclusion:

Basically, Dumbledore was a great man. He is an insanely talented, amazingly smart and powerful person. Dumbledore has at least chosen the least worse choice of ideologies to back but he is a  proponent of "the ends justify the means" he will reach his goal damned be the consequences and I just hate that

[kiruuuuu]

Of course it’s not too late, anon! Requests are still open :) @magehir​ sparked the idea for this one ❤ It’s based on this snippet I wrote as a wedding gift and I suppose it doesn’t hurt having read it before this one. I hope you like it! (Rating M, fluff/humour/mutual suffering, ~1.5k words)

.

Whenever the entirety of the Kateb clan meets, it’s nigh impossible to get anything done. Doc is lucky that they have a reservation at the expensive-looking restaurant or else the endless chattering would probably never die down between the smaller groups sprinkled over the well-maintained lawn outside. It takes about an hour for everyone to arrive, another hour to finish the greetings and good wishes and newest gossip and at least another half an hour until they’re seated. To prevent immediate chaos and petty arguments from the get go, aunt Joséphine was in charge of the seating seeing as she knows, better than anyone, who is currently at odds with whom. Fortunately, Doc managed to get seated with his immediate family and not his extended one which lowers the chances of Jäger being the only topic in his vicinity for the entire evening.

Then Doc notices the place card right next to him.

He opens his mouth, turns to his sister and freezes on the spot as he spots the person awkwardly shuffling past the row of elderly ladies all cooing over the newcomer. Once he’s over at Doc’s table, Jäger plops down on the chair next to him and nods as a greeting. “Hi”, he says.

“What the fuck”, Doc replies and gets angrily shushed by his mother.

Of course, Joséphine – who is fluttering about the room like a pleased magpie that’s taking stock of all it’s stolen – uses this moment to dive to their table with a triumphant smirk. “I see your husband finally made it”, she addresses them in English and presses her cheek against Jäger’s, undoubtedly leaving behind the top layer of her thick foundation.

“He’s not my husband.” How is it that as soon as his family is involved, Doc feels like he’s losing control over his entire life.

“Don’t be silly, Gustave, I last saw you at your wedding!”

“At a wedding, yes, but we weren’t the ones getting married!” Next to him, he can feel Sofia, his sister, shaking with silent laughter while Jäger just looks from one person to the next in horror.

“Wait, what’s going on?”, he wants to know and Doc really would like to know as well because what in the everloving hell is he doing here?

“Oh, I heard from your mother that you were planning to come alone and keep hiding your handsome husband from us, so I took the liberty of inviting him myself. It’s a pleasure to meet you again, Marius, enchantée!”

With a self-satisfied cackle, Joséphine glides off, leaving Doc to bury his face in his hands. “It said it was some kind of emergency”, Jäger whispers, alarmed.

“It is”, replies Doc’s mother with a warm smile, “my aunt is turning 100. You should’ve seen Joséphine freaking out about the whole event, it’s a wonder she didn’t faint repeatedly.”

“Should I – should I leave? I feel like I’m intruding.”

“You were at my cousin’s wedding too, you’re basically family at this point”, Doc tells him tiredly. “No one cares if you stay. Also, the food is really good. But if anyone tries to make us kiss for a photo, I’m running.”

.

They do kiss for a photo, but not before Doc has consumed enough liquid courage (and right now, he really needs it to deal with his family) to not only realise that if they don’t agree, it’s going to cause a huge commotion which he’d rather avoid, but also to actually do it. He gets told to lighten up a little as his grimace probably mirrors his exasperation and then they’re kissing, just a peck long enough to be immortalised and that’s when Doc’s muddled brain notices his mistake. Photos don’t just disappear into a void.

Good heavens, his cousin has the best blackmail material on him now without even being aware of it. At least the wine is delicious, as usual.

“I’m not going to drive home today”, Doc slurs in the direction of his mother who’s watching him with a wise smile for some unknown reason. “Can I sleep in my old room? Sofia is staying over as well, right?”

“She is, in her room. But… don’t you think it’s a bit much? The coincidences? How come you two just keep running into each other?”

He needs a moment to parse this comment before being able to reply. “Oh my God, maman, are you serious?”

“I’m just saying! It seems odd to me, Gustave. And neither of you seems very intent on clearing up this so-called ‘misunderstanding’.”

Okay, if his mum is turning against him as well now, it’s time to book it. “Right. We’re leaving. Marius can drive me.” He turns around with a little too much force and has to hold on to the back of someone’s chair which turns out to be Jäger’s who is currently downing his fourth shot of something very French and very potent. “Why are you doing this to me?”, Doc asks him with all the helplessness he can muster.

Jäger looks at him (or rather: at the space next to him, unfocused) with an almost comically guilty expression. “I thought you were driving. I drove last time, so -”

“Don’t worry, Gustave’s bed is big enough for two”, his mum comments cheerily.

.

Doc’s bed is not big enough for two. They’re standing in front of it, Jäger frowning, Doc with the stoic expression of someone who has accepted that life is suffering. He barely remembers the car ride which had a lot of Jäger almost falling asleep on his shoulder and both his mum and his sister giggling like teenage girls and he’s tired. “I’m not sleeping on the floor in my own room”, he announces.

“I can sleep on the floor”, Jäger points out helpfully and earns a dark glare.

“Not only is your injury from T or C still affecting you, but you also managed to almost saw your leg off recently, did you forget about that? You’re not sleeping on the floor.”

“Then we have to share.”

“I guess so.” They undress in silence, Doc only stopping to stare at Jäger when the German takes his shirt off as well and then hooks his thumbs into the waistband of his underwear. “What in the world do you think you’re doing?”

Jäger stills, looks down at himself and slowly removes his hands again. “I normally sleep naked”, he explains sheepishly and of course he does, why wouldn’t he?

“I’m never attending any family event ever again”, Doc informs him, “especially not when you’re invited. Get in and scoot over.” They slip under the covers and struggle for five minutes to find a comfortable position which involves a lot of naked skin brushing over naked skin and so when they finally decide on spooning, Doc ends up as the big spoon and he feels Jäger halt as soon as he for some reason starts to wiggle his butt into Doc’s crotch.

“You have – is that a -”

“Yes. I know”, Doc grits out and it’s exceedingly stupid. All of this is nothing but absurd, a mockery. “Just… I don’t know, ignore it. It’ll go away. Jesus Christ, can we just sleep?”

“You sound angry.”

“I’m furious.”

“You shouldn’t go to bed angry.”

Holy shit. This is when Doc snaps. He fixes the back of Jäger’s head with a level gaze and suggests the only thing that seems sensible to him at that moment: “You know what, you’re right. If everyone thinks we’re fucking, we might as well. Turn around and get naked.”

A pause. Doc doesn’t even care if he’s overstepping any boundaries because he’s way past caring in general. “Are you serious?”

“I’ve never been more serious. Come on.”

.

The next morning, when the two enter the kitchen to join Doc’s parents and his sister for breakfast, Doc is displaying a fierce scowl while Jäger is not only wearing his shirt backwards but also stumbles around, stunned – and not only because of his injury.

“Had a nice night?”, Doc’s mum wants to know with a bright smile to which Jäger simply nods absent-mindedly. If Doc didn’t know better, he’d assume he’s still drunk.

“I want to hear nothing”, Doc hisses and pours himself a cup of coffee that looks inviting enough for him to almost down it in one go immediately. “Alright? Nothing. Not from you, maman, and not from you either, Sofia. Nothing.”

“That’s a shame”, his mum retorts sweetly. “Last night, I wanted to hear nothing as well but my wish wasn’t granted either.”

To this, Jäger’s cheeks turn slightly pink and Doc just walks right back out of the kitchen, taking his coffee with him and seeking refuge, hopefully at a place where the concept of family doesn’t exist.

[lubdubsworld]

A Velvet Promise ( Kim Taehyung x OC)

Rating : 21+ 

Warnings : Smutty Smut. Angsty angst. 

Summary :

 Kim Namjoon : "What do you mean Taehyung's getting married?" . 

Park Jimin : "Hyung, he's... I mean , you know he's going to hurt her. Like really badly?" .

Jeon Jung Kook : " She seems so innocent. She doesn't deserve that. " .

  Kim Taehyung : " Why would i call off the wedding? I've always wondered what it's like to fuck a virgin." 

Choi Minho : " Kim Taehyung is a psychopath. Anyone who thinks otherwise is delusional."

 " I'm not a toy you can use and toss. If you touch me again, I'll choke the life out of you.."

 " Is that a challenge babe? Because you're not keeping me away from your bed." 

Prologue

"She looks like a two piece whore, Uncle." Taehyung said casually, fingers curling casually around the flute shaped champagne glass. Manicured fingers tapped on the expensive Oakwood finish of his desk as he stared disdainfully at the small 6 by 10 inch photo on the table. 

The Photo showed a young woman of about twenty one or twenty two with plain mousy brown hair and rather indecently plump lips. She was staring away from the camera, probably unaware that her picture was being taken. Only her upper body showed and she had a slight, unremarkable figure, a little on the thin side . 

There was a rather endearing hello kitty pin on her hair and Taehyung leaned forward eagerly, edge of his nail digging into the Polaroid and scratching out the little pin rather vindictively.

He had just spent an hour listening to his uncle describe Jung Yerin, yet that little hello kitty pin told him more than all that useless information. Jung Yerin had grown up in a simple, conservative family. She looked like she had been sheltered from every evil, likely raised by loving parents who catered to her every need. she probably wore satin ribbons in her hair and peep toe sandals with knee length chiffon dresses, always smelling like sunshine and summer rain. 

Would she scream really  loud when he fucked her for the first time?

He hoped so.

His uncle was staring at the Polaroid and swallowing nervously, his gaze fixed on the little tear that his nephew's nails had made on the print.

Mianhe, Yerina.

"So, you will marry her? You really don't have to. She's already dating someone.  " He tried weakly.

Taehyung sighed and stretched luxuriously.

"Would that even matter, anyway? her father is positively gagging to have me as his son in law.  Besides, do you have any idea who she's dating, uncle?? " He grinned ominously, fingers gripping the edge of the table as he thought of the other man.

 Fuck, he wanted to pump a dozen bullets into his fucking head.

He struggled to get his head on straight. Once he had her , he would win.

" I'm marrying her. Because I need her. She's going to be my winning card ,  samchoon." He drawled.

Marrying Yerin would be the final move in this game.

Finally, Finally Kim Corp., would be his, exclusively and Choi Minho could go  suck his dick. 

Check and Check Mate.

Chapter 1

"He's busy, right now. You should come back later." The lady at the desk said firmly and i shuffled awkwardly on my feet. I re-read the small scrap of note that he had had delivered to my home that morning . 5.30 P. M , it said clearly . i glanced at the clock. I was exactly on time.

"I'm his fiancee. Are you sure he's not waiting for me? " I said desperately, clutching the designer bag that felt awkward on my shoulders. I'd gone to the salon and fixed my hair, bought a dress and this sparkly bag all because I'd wanted to make a good impression. Even the brown heels felt like they were cutting off my circulation as I tried to get some weight off my ankles.

"He's in a conference with  We have strict rules about interrupting practice, Miss. These are planned over a month in advance, just to avoid things like this. You should have made a proper appointment before turning up out of the blue." She said loftily and i sighed.

"Is there, at least a place that i can wait at?" I said finally and she gave me an amused look.

"I'm sure the bus stop outside has a shelter."

Blinking in shock , I bit my lips and slowly walked back out of the building. Bet she wouldn't be laughing once she realized just who I was. Sighing , I made my way to the bus stop and collapsed against one of the hard metal seats. My feet were killing me and the late evening sun fell right on my  face, warming me but making me blink back against the glare. 

The last bus to Daegu would leave in a few hours and if i didn't get  moving i would be stuck here for the night. I stared at the setting sun and felt misery creep up. On the huge billboard, opposite the busstop the placard carried a photo of  Kim Taehyung.

 He looked like something straight out of heaven. I remembered that that was what he was touted as in his band, the fallen angel. He definitely fit the bill, i thought grimacing at how frighteningly beautfiul he was. There was something about his too-perfect looks that really made a shiver run up my spine.

He looked inhuman. Frighteningly so.

Swallowing the dryness in my throat, I glanced at my phone.

 7 missed calls from Choi Min Ho.

i couldn’t deal with that now. 

. Sighing, I flipped the phone open and dialed my father instead feeling relieved as he picked the phone up.

"Yerin-ah!! Why don't you listen to me when i tell you to leave your phone on at all times!! i hate not knowing where you are!" He said desperately and I felt a little smile coming on.

"Appa! I'm fine... I just had the phone in my bag."

"How's my son , doing?" My father said fondly and I glanced back up at the huge billboard. Taehyung was wearing a blinding box-shaped smile that made him look so very innocent.

"He seems happy." I said absently, turning around to glance back at the building I'd just been politely kicked out of.

"I'm glad. He's a very nice young man, Yerin ah. He'll take really good care of you and it's what your mother wanted, remember?" He said gently and I felt sorry for the way my father sounded.

 Like he was trying to convince himself that he was doing the right thing as well. I scratched the edge of my bag, trying to think of something to say.

"I know. I'm sorry if I seem uninterested in him. I really am not. " I said softly.

My father sighed.

"I wish your mother was here. She always knew what to tell you to make you feel better." he said gently. " Appa is bad at this."

Tears stung and I swallowed, choking out a laugh, instead.

"You do too. You’;re enough, Dad. i swear, you’re all I need.  " I said softly.

Silence.

"And you’re the only reason , i’m still alive, Yerin. " He whispered. 

I couldn’t bring myself to reply. 

“Did you speck to minho?” my father said hesitantly and i flinched. 

“Not yet.”

“Be gentle with him, Yerin. He’s not going to take this news well and it’s best if we don’t make him more angry than he already is." he said nervously. 

I swallowed because the fear in my father’s voice was eveident. 

I hung up after that , telling him I would try to talk to min ho and get back as soon as possible. 

I glanced at the phone again. 

A few more calls from Choi Min Ho.

Minho was four years older than me , a confusing combination of older brother and guardian. 

He had a lot of control over me and my father trusted him when he made decisions for me.

Min Ho was one of the scariest people I'd ever met, simply because he didn't take no for an answer.

 I had first met him when i was eight, one of my father's students from high school. The year I turned fourteen he had debuted as an idol to become a trainee with SM entertainment and he had liked, of all things, my voice.

"I'm not allowed to call anyone from there. Just two people. One is my mom. The other is going to be you." He'd said with a very firm look in his eye.

 My father had given me an uncomfortable look but he had agreed that it was good for me to have an ' oppa' . Someone who would take care of me when my father wasn't around. 

Minho had been a constant in my life afterwards. 

Over the years his role had somehow shifted, from overbearing brother to something more like a boyfriend . He had his own band of guys always following me, making sure i didn't speak to any boys or befriend them. 

No concerts, no gaming arcades. No ice cream parlors or karaokes. 

And my father had been too deep in his own sorrow and his work to actively care. I ended up being smothered and suffocated, his relentless control driving me insane and scaring me in its intensity.

It still scared me.

I took a deep breath before dialing the number carefully.

"Oppa." I said softly and I could hear heavy breathing .

"did you tell him you aren't going to marry him?"

I bit my lips.

"It's not... It's not that simple ." I tried to get my thoughts in order but Minho snarled  out loud , the anger palpable through the phone.

"I told you why he's doing this didn't I? He  wants those godawful shares your mother left you, so he can take my company away from me. The company belongs to me, you know that. Don’t think for a second that he wants yo- "

The phone got snatched out of my hand roughly and I jumped, terrified .

It was Taehyung.

He stared at me wordlessly, pressing the phone to his ears and smiling thoughtfully while Minho continued his charade.

"Really hyung? Still misleading young girls, because you’re too much of a pussy to come face me like a man?  " He smirked, eyes pinning me on the spot and I flinched.

I couldn't hear what Minho said but Taehyung laughed.

"Oh, no hyung. That's not happening. I'm not letting her go . Not now, not ever." He reached out and lightly wrapped a lock of my hair around his forefinger before giving it a sharp yank that made my scalp sting.

And then he hung up, before lightly pulling the battery out, dropping the phone to the ground and stepping on it casually, and i stared , stunned as the parts cracked underneath his boots. My throat dry and heart pounding somewhere in the vicinity of my throat , I stared at him.

"Tell me, Yerin ssi... Did Minho Oppa already test and rate the goods that I'm going to be stuck with for the rest of my life?" He gave me a humiliating once over and I tried to process the sheer hurt and embarrassment that filled me up.

" It's not.. we're not..." my voice cracked from how close he was standing, tall, intimidating and terrifyingly handsome.

"Fucking? You expect me to believe that Choi Minho did not take you into his bed? Do I look like a fucking retard?" He said, his voice resonating so deeply that I could feel my fingers start to shake. I stared at him.

"You can believe whatever you want." I said finally.

He stared at me some more and then reached out fingers lightly closing over the chain around my neck. i startled when his fingers traced the heart shaped locket.

"Let me ask you something...Do you believe what Minho says? About me just wanting you because of the company he swindled his way into? " He said casually and I hesitated.

"No. No, I don't." I shook my head and he grinned.

"that just proves you're a fucking idiot. Because he is right. I don't give a flying fuck about you. But I'm going to marry you, you know why? Because every time I touch you, every time i kiss you, Choi Min Ho will likely implode and i'm really  really  looking forward to that." He said softly .

I stared at him trying to dredge up some emotion and finding, that I wasn't even surprised. I had known from the first time he'd agreed to marry me that it couldn't be for a noble reason. I thought of Minho with his controlling suffocating way of keeping me in a stranglehold and I thought of Taehyung with that frighteningly beautiful smile and stone-cold hatred radiating off his gaze and I realized that it wasn't about me at all. 

I was just going to be collateral damage in whatever game these two were playing with each other.

"What do you want?" i said finally.

He gave me a little smirk.

"Come home with me. Now."

I jumped a little.

"Are you crazy.. I .. My father is waiting for me..."

"So? What if you spend a night with me? We're getting married anyway aren't we?" He said causally.

I shook my head quickly.

He fumbled with his pocket and pulled out his phone, turning on the camera and holding it up  till it focused on the pair of us.

"what do you think you're doing?" I said nervously.

His eyes darted to my lips again and I didn't even blink, staring straight ahead as he casually wrapped an arm around me, pulling me close and pressing his lips against mine before lightly clicking on the screen, capturing the kiss on film. I stayed still as he pulled away and casually tapped into the phone. A second later he showed me the phone and my heart skipped a beat.

He had sent the photo to Minho. 

I stood still trying to think straight as dread swept through me.

"imagine what Min Ho will do to you if he gets his hands on you .... " He said casually." Still going to refuse to come home with me? "

i stood there trembling in disbelief.

Min Ho could be aggressively violent when he was angry  I didn't even want to think about what he would do to me. i stared at the shattered phone on the ground .

"You're a psycho."

He smiled then , wide and shameless.

"And you’re my property . I'll go get the car." He said casually, before turning around and heading back in. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I buckled up my seat belt and stared straight ahead, my head spinning with just one thought.

How did I convince this man that I didn't want to fight him?

It was raining now, so damn heavily that I couldn't see a thing in front. Taehyung was driving through deserted streets and I assumed this was where celebrities lived, far from prying eyes. i wasn't particularly scared. Taehyung didn't look like he would physically hurt me . But I could tell that he thought that I was in love with Choi Min Ho.

"Can I just tell you something?" I said finally, deciding on the truth.

"I don't fucking care what-"

I ignored him and jumped headlong into it anyway.

"Min Ho isn't my boyfriend. I just... I've known him for a long time and he cares about me. He's just being a little over protective. He'll get over it soon anyway. It's not like he's in love with me or anything . I just... my father really wants this marriage to work between us and I really don't want to disappoint him. It's okay even if we don't have a real marriage. I just don't want my father to be unhappy.  " I took a deep breath risking a glance at him.

He didn't reply, staring straight ahead as he drove carefully through the late evening traffic.

"Are you listening?" I said impatiently and screamed when his hand shot out suddenly, gripping the top of my thigh so hard that searing sharp pain shot up through my leg. I gripped his wrist, yanking it off my leg and glared at him in stunned surprise. 

He looked like art, his side profile so flawless that I wanted to puke a little.

"Two things. Don't interrupt me when I'm driving.  And Two. Don't go on hour long rants until I ask you to, which will be...let me guess... never. Since it's the first time I'll forgive you. and if you think, for a second that I care about your father or your fucking oppa or your goddamn feelings, now would be a good time to get rid of those delusions. I'm marrying you. It will be a  real  marriage in  every  sense of the word. I want children. I want you to cook dinner for me when I come home every night, send me off with breakfast and let me between your legs when I ask you to. "

I clenched my fist, anger bubbling over and threatening to spill over as a scream. I almost did but then stopped.

My mother's voice came into my conscience soft and soothing,  

raise your words, not your voice. 

"I'm enrolling in University next week so you'll have to hire someone instead. I'm not going to be your maid. ." I said firmly

Taehyung laughed at that.

"Are you honestly that naive? Who's going to pay for your fucking tuition huh? Sure as hell ain't going to be me. And trust me, if your father interferes, I won't think twice about shutting him down. I'm your husband. I get to decide whether or not you go to a damn college and honestly, I really don't see the point. You're going to spend the rest of your life taking care of me anyway? You don't need anything more than what the Good Lord gave you between your legs ...."

I should just stab him with a kitchen knife in his sleep.

" I don't know why you're acting like a bastard but I hope you get over yourself and actually think like a decent human being for once. This isn't really funny anymore. " I whispered.

Taehyung scoffed.

"It's cute that you think I'm joking. I'm not. Choi Min Ho deserves to rot in hell and he's going to pay for what he put me through. And experience tells me that nothing hurts him more than someone coming near his precious Yerinie...." He drawled.

"Look, i get that you and him have some bad blood or something but you're the worst kind of coward if you want to drag me into it." I said frustrated and upset.

"Maybe. I'm not looking for your damn approval, anyway . I can't let you go back to your father's because something tells me that son of a bitch is probably waiting to get his hands on you. " He swore.

What kind of paranoid nonsense was this?

"Minho is not insane like you!!" I snapped.

Taehyung scoffed.

"Yeah, right. He's a fucking murderer is what he is!" He shouted .

I opened my mouth, ready to give him a piece of my mind , when I got flung across the dashboard, the belt digging into me and keeping me from crashing through the windscreen as Taehyung stepped on the brakes, so fast the car skidded, turning 180 degrees before coming to rest on the side.

The Van came out of nowhere

I gripped the dashboard when the car came to a halt, winded and heart pounding. Through the haze of the rain I could see a black van and a figure jump out of the back seat.

Next to me Taehyung groaned and I watched as he gripped the steering wheel tight staring out at the figure. Recognition flooded his face and he snarled.

"Fuck!! Fuck !! Fuck that bastard, I'm going to fucking rip his head off!!" Taehyung was storming out of the car, flinging the door open and climbing out, the rain drenching him within seconds. He leaned back  in, sticking his hand underneath his seat. As I watched, horrified, he pulled out a huge golf club, hitting the tip on his palm before turning back around , murder written large on his face.

I could only watch as he stalked over in the rain, raised the club high over his head before bringing it crashing down on top of the  windshield shattering it before swinging it down again  and putting a dent on the hood. 

I screamed, fumbling with the seat belt.

 I had to get out of here. 

Kim Taehyung was out of his  mind!

But the moment I stepped out of the car, a hand closed over my hair, fingers gripping the strands at the back of my head, yanking me so hard that I lost my footing, knees scrapping against the rough gravel as I got dragged upright.

"Jagi... where do you think you're going?"

Choi Minho.

Stunned, I kicked out, eyes watering from how hard he was gripping me. The pain didn't last long, Taehyung's foot coming out of nowhere and kicking him right in the chest till the older stumbled back , grunting in surprise. I rubbed my scalp and stared as Minho pushed back, landing a few strong punches on Taehyung, who was already bleeding from the corner of his mouth.

"What are you doing?!!" I screamed , sure that this was some god-awful dream. Both of them stopped and stared at each other, sopping wet as the rain poured down on us, glaring daggers.

"If you fucking touch my wife again , I'll rip your heart out with my bare hands!" Taehyung snarled and Minho scoffed, swiping at the blood trickling down his cut lip. Instinctively I felt worry. Choi Minho was a little too much but i didn't want him hurting. I moved, almost reaching for his arm but Taehyung's fingers closed over my wrist, cutting off circulation and pining me to his side.

"Your wife? Delusional much! She fucking belongs to me and you know it!!" He snarled, diving for Taehyung again. I screamed as they went down in a splash of rainwater, landing on the gravel trying to pummel each other to death.

"Stop it ! What are you..." I couldn't finish, blinded by  sudden flashing lights and then there was another car skidding to a halt in front of us. Taehyung and Minho stopped, moving away from each other and jumping to their feet looking like death.

The car door opened and I felt a sigh of relief.

I watched as Minho's older brother stormed out looking furious.

"You little trouble makers , I swear to God I should just call the cops and end your fucking lives once and for all" He shouted and Minho froze, grimacing.

"Try something like this again and I will fucking end you. !" Taehyung snarled, fingers curling around my arm as he yanked me away. Minho fixed his gaze on me and shook his head.

"You think this is over, Kim fucking Taehyung??! I will destroy everything you love!!" He screamed.

Taehyung turned and gave him a cold glare.

"You already did , you fucking piece of shit. I hope you burn in hell for it!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Stop looking like I'm going to eat you up." Taehyung commented mildly, punching in the digits to his security code while I shivered next to him. Every inch of me was sopping wet, dripping rain water into the expensive carpet of the hallway. The condo was clearly worth a few millions at least and  I felt ( and probably looked ) like a sewer rat i. I gave him a tired look.

"You're welcome to try. I'll scratch your eyes out." I muttered and he let out a laugh.

"Fiesty. I can see why that guy pants after you so much."

I sighed, too exhausted to fight back. Once the door opened, I stepped into the condo, feeling even more out of place. Taehyung's apartment was more convenience than style, I thought, staring bleakly at the unfamiliar furnishings and the stark black and white decor.Each perfectly polished surface was adorned with a certain type of artifact or decoration, the overall theme somewhere between modern and youthful. I stared at the paintings on the wall, abstract splashes of color against the snow white walls , offset by the thick black frame each one was imprisoned in.

"The guest bedroom is there and you can go get a good night's rest. It locks on the inside, so don't stay up all night worrying if i might come in. We probably have to meet reporters tomorrow and I'd rather you not look like a raccoon. So get a good night's sleep. " He said casually, slipping out of his jacket and tossing it on the couch.

"Call my father and tell him I'm here." I said softly and he grinned.

"Abeonim  would probably want to move the wedding date up. Is that okay with you?" He sneered.

I stared at him, refusing to rise to the bait.

I didn't spare him a glance, moving quickly to the smaller bedroom and locking myself in. I double checked the lock, making sure it didn't open , before dragging myself to the bathroom.

I peeled off the drenched clothes, suddenly aware that I didn't have anything to change into. It was already nine and I could feel hunger pangs begin to claw at my insides. But starving was a lot better than going out and breathing the same air as Kim Taehyung. Groaning, I turned on the hot water and stood under the spray, letting it warm me a bit. Afterwards, I rinsed my clothes in the small tub, using shampoo for want of anything else. I would have to wear those again tomorrow .

I picked at the gravel that was lodged into my skin, the bruise slowly growing darker and congealed blood sticking to my skin like paint. I grit my teeth and cleaned it up as much as I could, wincing from the dull throb combined with the sting.

There was nothing in the closets or the linen cupboard except for a single towel. Sighing in defeat, I wrapped it around my hair, towel drying it and my body before slipping into the sheets, feeling like a sitting target. Being naked in a bed with Mr. Psycho a door away felt mildly suicidal. I mourned the loss of my phone, thought of my father waiting for me to get home. Hopefully the crazy guy would at least tell him.

Slowly sleep took over and I found myself drifting off to sleep.

I woke up to the sun streaming into the room, lighting the bed. The first thing that stuck me was that I wasn't naked anymore.

I stared down at myself, the white t-shirt and decidedly  male  boxers looking completely out of place on my body and I clutched at the covers, mortified. What on earth?

I opened my mouth, ready to scream bloody murder when a familiar voice came drifting through the door to the bedroom. ( it was ajar and it stuck me that I was a complete idiot. This was his house. Of course he had a key to get into the guest bedroom, what had I been thinking?!)

"She's probably still asleep, sir. " Taehyung was saying and I felt a pang, knowing how much my father liked boys who called him sir. My father loved guys who respected elders. One of the things he had always told me about Taehyung was the latter's love for his family. The way he put family above anything else. And I could tell from the way he talked to my father that he really did consider him family.

Trying to smother the painful tug on my heartstrings , I crawled out of the bed, slowly making my way out.

"Yerinie!!" My father rushed to my side, looking anxious." Are you okay, child?"

I nodded, unable to bring myself to look at Kim Taehyung.  He saw me naked.

"I'm fine daddy. Sorry about last night." I said quietly and my father nodded before pressing a bag into my hands.

"Taehyung asked me to bring you a change of clothes. Go get yourself changed." My father said briskly and I finally risked a glance at the guy. He wasn't even looking at me, carefully setting the table for breakfast and filling a glass with milk.

I sighed in defeat.

Half an hour later, my father had left with promise to meet us at the company where people would be interviewing us about Taehyung's ' accidental posting' of the photo in the fan cafe.

"There are some interview questions here that we should probably go over." Taehyung said casually, before giving me a once over.

If he says anything I swear to God, I'll rip his fucking tongue off.  

I grudgingly moved to the table and sat next to him. I tried to cram all the insipid information he fed me, about where we'd met, what we liked about each other and a couple more cheesy questions. About half way through, his phone began buzzing next to me and I glanced at the phone.

Choi Minho.

Oh, God.

Taehyung gave me a wide smile.

"Pick it up." He said casually. I jumped.

"What?"

"I said pick the phone."

"I'm not-"

"PICK THE DAMN PHONE!!!!" he brought his palm down on the table with such force that the decanter full of water fell over, sloshing liquid all over the table.

I went still, heart pounding inside my rib cage as i fumbled with the phone, sliding the little green icon to attend the call.

"Hello..."

"You filthy fucking whore..."

"Oppa.. what..."

"You fucking had sex with Kim fucking Taehyung after everything I told you!! What kind of a slut are you?!!" He sounded like he was a syllable away from an aneurysm and I bit my lips, too stunned to reply.

"I did not. Why would you think that?!!" I cried out, stunned.

"He sent me the damn pics, you little bitch!! I saw you naked and in his bed with him... But you know what, if you think this is going to keep me away from you. You're dead wrong. Just be sure that when I do get my hands on you, I'll..."

I hung up, stunned and disoriented.

"You sick bastard." I whispered, staring at him as my voice trembled. He grabbed his phone , fumbled with it and then slid it across the table to me.

There on the screen was a photo of me in bed. I was facing away from the camera, nothing except for the soft white sheet over my waist, my back bare and stark against the black sheets. But I wasn't alone. Taehyung lay on his side next to me, shirtless, grinning into the camera  and offering a middle fingered salute.

He'd sent that pic to Minho.

I wanted to puke.

"Why.. Why would you do this...?" I said stunned .

He smiled.

"I told you. He's going to hell. But I'm just gonna repay him for all the shit he put me through before I send him there. And you better listen to me. unless you want that pic to land on the fancafe too."

This time I couldn't stop the bile that rose up.

Running to the bathroom, I lost my breakfast all over the commode, gasping for breath as sick disgust began to spread all over my skin.

Outside the bathroom Taehyung made a noise of impatience.

"Get ready. We have an interview in an hour. "

[cyrelia-j]

The Case for Jack

(*pats self on the back for not titling this "You don't know Jack"*)

So working on "For the Glory of Morning" resulted in doing a lot of research/character study into Jack which was challenging. Outside of the two episodes where he appears on the show we know precious little about Jack (as well as Lauren and Patrick) so I really had to spend a lot of time rewatching and thinking about his character. I wanted to share a few thoughts that were bouncing around my head on Jack as well as "make the case" for why he's such an incredible and tragic character and why I've come to love him so much. (And by extension why you will be seeing more Jack stuff here along with writing/drawing more Jack/Julian themed things - Jack/Parmak too as of May 2018-  when Garak/Bashir will always be my biggest love).You can take this with a grain of salt because these are just my own thoughts and possibly projections but any discussion is welcome!

This got long...

The first time I saw Jack (and read the description of him as a "violent, anti-social and aggressive" man) I didn't give him much of a thought beyond those basic descriptors. He comes off as he's meant to be as one of a few foils for Julian to see just how bad off he could have been with his enhancements or as he says "there but for the grace of God go I". We see Jack's antagonism, and while he's interesting to watch he's not easy to "like".

According to wiki he's been at the Institute for 15 years and going by his appearance and the age of the actor portraying him he's roughly the same age as Julian which means he's been at the Institute his entire adult life and likely part of his teenage years. I think it's safe to assume that he likely had a childhood and adolescence full of doctors/therapists/counselors leading up to that point. The reason for his enhancements is never explained but from his comments to Julian about his parents not being able to "afford the full overhaul", his knowledge of 15th century poetry, and [to me] his manner of dress speaks to someone with a monetarily privileged upbringing. 

So you have a child starting out whose parents have paid for a genius and despite the happy portrayals on television, imagine being a child that far above not just your peers but adults as well. It's hard to talk to people that don't understand you- we naturally talk to people starting out with a subconscious expectation that their intelligence will match ours until otherwise indicated and we adjust. For most of us we have a mix of people more and less intelligent than us. Jack never finds anyone he can relate to. People constantly disappoint him. He tries to relate to people. He doesn't understand as a child that other children and adults aren't on his level. He can't comprehend why they don't understand things that he does and his responses come off as condescending. 

You see this when he's talking to Julian. "You had to have known that.""Why would you bring it up" etc. This gets played off as paranoia as part of his personality but here Jack is meeting someone he's told is the same as him, who can understand him so he expects the same unabashed mental shortcuts in speech and thought. Children don't have patience, and Jack never was able to learn that he needed to have patience. He kept finding himself constantly frustrated, disappointed and isolated. Money will only get you so far with friends and Jack may not be able to read people well but eventually, he could see children only wanting to hang around him for his money. They didn't like him. Coming from that much money, I think it's possibly that his parents didn't put the same attention to him as Julian's did or that any attention was in the form of trophy status shit. I'm sure he was an incredibly lonely and isolated child.

Then add in that unlike Julian he has greater enhanced physical abilities. Julian may have an unfair athletic advantage but Julian isn't capable of the same damage as Jack. We can see where Jack threatens to snap Sarina's neck that he's stronger than the average human is. Despite what movies show, snapping a neck is incredibly difficult. One could argue he's bluffing but everyone in the room behaved as if he could absolutely do it easily. So now you have a child who not only comes off as arrogant, rude, and cold, you have a child who can easily hurt others without meaning to. I'm sure that he has. 

Children with those physical gifts respond to hurting others with differing degrees of empathy some [like I imagine Julian would] feel that very strongly and their reaction is to try and never hurt anyone even to their own detriment. They become afraid of their own strength and sometimes even end up bullied. Others don't understand they're stronger. Their guilt becomes frustration and resentment that someone should be hurt so easily. They don't have the tools to understand they need to exercise more care and they lash out even more. This only gets worse when he gets older and you add in puberty to all these feelings of isolation. 

He starts wanting to have friendships, romantic relationships but everyone either hates him, is afraid of him or both. His parents are largely absent and he's smart enough to get good marks even if he is a discipline problem. They throw more money at his school and at counselors. No one knows he's enhanced and he's likely spent his whole life having to keep this to himself letting everyone think he's just an asshole freak. His counselors don't understand. He resents them. He feels like no one wants to help him. They keep telling him that if he doesn't "get it together" he's going to be locked away. He's terrified because he doesn't want to be put away. He has no one he can confide in. He hates himself and he hates everyone else because it's better than feeling desperately lonely and hopeless. I'd be amazed if he's never made one suicide attempt in his life.

He keeps trying to fit in but he's even more angry, older, stronger, and he gets into fights where he hurts people. He's resentful that he has to hold back his strength because others are weak, that he has to hold back his intelligence because others are stupid. His parents finally have to confess after one incident too many and it's easier to put him in a place where he can "get help" and they can wash their hands of him.

I can see him being skeptical of Dr. Loews and not believing she sees him as anything other than a freak. She treats him differently than she does Lauren and Patrick and this isolates him more. Lauren is free with her attraction to everyone but him and just how big of a blow is that to someone's sense of self worth whether they're really into someone or not? I don't imagine he's ever been able to be intimate with anyone else ever and may not even have desired to. He isn't like Lauren and Patrick who lack a certain level of self awareness. You can see when he's ranting about being locked away how little they seem to be affected in comparison. He's trapped in a cage and he knows he's going to spend the rest of his life there and he hates it. It's a torment. His constant agitation, nervous tics, expressions are an expression of that anguish, of that energy, that being having no where to go and no outlet. 

I don't honestly know what Dr. Loews was thinking in introducing him to Julian. To me it almost seems cruel- I can see why they have such an antagonistic relationship even if it is misunderstanding from Jack. He hurts her with the broken PADD but she's the one with all the power in that relationship- she controls his life and to him these are all nothing but a series of taunts, of cruelties, of poking at him. I see him caught between not wanting his failure as a person rubbed in his face and wanting to taste just a hint of freedom. 

Jack looks at Julian and doesn't see a "goal" but rather fifteen years of his life that he's spent trapped that he's never going to get back. He sees a man with friends, who people like, who's attractive. No wonder from the outset everything Julian does and says seems combative, arrogant, and condescending. Jack can't read people well but even he can see the way Julian looks at him. Julian makes him feel like less which is why we constantly see him jumping on furniture to put himself in a position of dominance. He wants to be liked, he wants to be free. He wants everything Julian has and at the very pit of him he's incredibly kind. We can see that in the way he wanted to help Sarina even though he gets no benefit from it and loses one of his "pack".

As for the brief mention of Jack/Julian, I think that Julian would be incredibly good for him if they met under different circumstances. Or even if there was some big moment of truth, some baring of souls between them. We have no idea of Jack's sexuality as far as whether or not he's bi or straight. Jack himself may very well not know. I had a lightbulb moment when talking it over and he seemed to me to be likely completely asexual or demisexual. Julian when he has reason to be is endlessly patient. Jack wants to experience things, experience the world, and he and Julian can do that together. I imagine a world where they both find themselves in the Institute sharing grand dreams of exploring space and Julian finding Jack's wild ideas and mania contagious. I like the ideas of universes where they grow up together and fall in love. I can see Julian helping Jack learn to cope, learn to live in the world and to be his biggest cheerleader and pillar of support which Jack needs and I can see Jack being fiercely loyal to him like no other once that trust and relationship is established.

Edited to add May 2018 Jack/Parmak: Yeah this is a total oddball one and actually goes off my own non canon Parmak. I think there are some intersections. To start I think Cardassia as a whole would be a place where he'd adapt well. I think he'd find it fascinating to be with a people who are combative and argumentative with everyone as a culture. He can see they treat him just the same as any other and no one would give a damn about his being an augment. I think he'd find himself crazy mentally stimulated and acclimate well. He's had a regimented life as it is so I can see him taking to the routine and customs with interest. 

For me Parmak is also a character with an insane capacity for forgiveness and compassion. He's patient, but also won't just roll over and enjoys a good debate and I imagine him to be pretty brilliant in his own right. He's not unbending, and this is the guy screwing his former torturer. I think Parmak's pretty impossible to intimidate at this point in his life with all he's been through. I could see him finding Jack a fascinating puzzle especially seeing how very different he is from any human he's ever encountered before. Reaching a bit but Parmak strikes me at this point in his life as not shying away from danger or confrontation and I would love to see how this plays out. There are totally alternate reality possibilities and believe me I'll be messing with some of these too!

So in closing, yeah, I love Jack and will definitely be writing more adventures and fun romantic angsty things for him so hopefully this may get some others on board or thinking as well :) Believe me I have a lot of plans for this man! Also as an aside, one of the ST authors didn't feel the "scary" side of Jack came across well but I think Tim Ransom's incredibly portrayal gave Jack more depth than the "menacing" figure they were clearly trying to create.