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bumblekastclips · 3 months

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Happy Throwing Him Thursday!

KYLE CROUSE: Next question is from @rabbithaver. “In 2018, you wrote IDW Sonic #14, which contained panels of Silver being thrown by the ankle by Metal Sonic. On May 19, 2022, tumblr user @catgirlkirigiri posted those panels with the caption, 'Happy Throwing Him Thursday.' Now, every Thursday, Sonic Tumblr celebrates by partaking in throwing Silver. Each week, participants render their followers' dashboards unusable by reblogging those panels dozens of times in a row. People have drawn fan art. There are multiple videos of people throwing their Silver plushies, including one of him being hurled off a five story balcony. In celebration of the two year anniversary of the first Throwing Him Thursday, would you both please rank Sonic characters based on how far you think you, personally, could throw them?” [TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: The balcony mentioned was seven stories, not five, which is much funnier.]

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IAN FLYNN: [in exaggerated horror] Two years?! KYLE: [laughing] IAN: My poor boy has been yeeted for two years?! KYLE: He’s getting yeeted! He’s getting yeeted like crazy! IAN: I feel bad! KYLE: [laughs] IAN: I’m glad folks are enjoying themselves, but… what have I done to the poor boy? KYLE: [still laughing] Ah, well, I mean, the fandom got a— the fandom got attached to it. To be fair, you know. You did it once. [chuckles] IAN: And really, the credit should go to Tracy Yardley and the other artists for rendering it, but hm… KYLE: True, true. [chuckling] IAN: Half-tempted to sneak in a panel somewhere. [as Sonic] “Happy Thursday, Silver!” [as Silver, panicked as he’s being reminded of his trauma] “WHY?!” KYLE: [erupts into laughter, then as Silver] “What is this?!” [laughs] Man, if you made a reference to Throwing Him Thursday, I think the— I think there’s a lot of Tumblr people who would melt down. In a— you know, in a good way. IAN: [chuckling to himself] Shadow just puts him off a— puts him out a window. [as Shadow] “Huh, is it Thursday already?” KYLE: [laughing] Oh, man… IAN: Anyway, characters that we could throw on a Thursday — or any day, really. KYLE: Any day. I could throw— I could throw— I could take Charmy. [chuckles] IAN: Yeah, Charmy, Cheese… KYLE: But then I’d have to contend with not being able to throw Vector and Espio as they murder me. [laughs] IAN: [chuckles, then as Vector] “Nice arm there, Kyle! Wanna see how [unintelligible] it is?” KYLE: [laughs] Oh! IAN: And I imagine Cream, but only because she wants to, like, take off, so she’s already got her ears ready, and you’re like, out in an open field, and it’s like throwing a kite into the air or something. She’s having a grand time, just, “whee!” KYLE: Yeah, she can fly. [chuckles] IAN: Uh… how heavy is Tails, actually? KYLE: Eh, I don’t think Tails is very, uh, heavy, and he’d fly, so… you know IAN: I’m gonna look this up real quick. KYLE: You could throw Froggy a little bit— [stuttering unintelligibly] a little bit far. You know. IAN: [as Big] “Once.” KYLE: Once. [laughs] IAN: Huh! Actually Tails is like, over forty pounds! KYLE: Okay, he’s a… IAN: That’s not really a throw, that’s more of a heft. KYLE: He’s a beefy— he’s a beefy boy then, huh? Wow. [chuckles, then reading chat] I’m being told that Ray was born to be yeeted. [laughs] IAN: [chuckles] You know that’s what he and Mighty do all the time. KYLE: Of course! IAN: It’s kinda like— it’s like with Cream! KYLE: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. IAN: [as Mighty] “Ready, little guy?” [as Ray] “Ready!” Woosh! KYLE: Yeah, pretty much, exactly. IAN: How much does Orbot weigh? KYLE: He’s pretty small, but he’s also a robot, so who knows how dense he is? Uh… IAN: If he even has an official weight… [Googling] Uh, he is— holy crap, he’s over sixty pounds! KYLE: Yeah, I was gonna say, he’s probably real dense. He’s got a lot in him. [chuckles] IAN: [sigh] I could probably pick him up and hmph, but yeah, I ain’t throwin’ that. Goodness. KYLE: The irony is that you’d think Cubot would be the dense one! IAN: [chuckles] Well, now I’m curious, if Orbot is sixty-six point one pounds… KYLE: He would be one really heavy bowling ball, at least. [laughs] IAN: Self-steering, no less. KYLE: Yeah! IAN: [Googling] Oh, wow. Cubot’s, uh, almost eighty-six pounds. KYLE: Oh! He’s dense— he’s even more dense! IAN: He’s a hefty boy! KYLE: [laughs] IAN: So, yeah.

KYLE: Nice. [chuckles] Yes. Ah, yes. [reading chat] Cubot, the honorable— or, Orbot, the honorable Whipple. IAN: [snickers] KYLE: Welcome to the Whipple family. [chuckling] I don’t know if we could really throw any of them? I mean, sure, a giant mech could throw Jewel, as we’ve established previously, but I don’t know if I could. She’s pretty— she’s pretty big for a bug. IAN: Yeah, I… she might need to be hefted, not really thrown. KYLE: Yeah, yeah. You could throw a chao. IAN: Yeah. KYLE: You can throw Marine, maybe. IAN: Well, now I’m curious, uh… Charmy’s like twenty-two pounds. KYLE: Why is he so freakin’ huge? He’s a bee! [laughs] IAN: And I would imagine Jewel’s at least that weight, so… KYLE: Y-yeah…? [stuttering] How heavy are pounds on Sonic’s world?! IAN: [laughs] I mean, you could still maybe throw Charmy, but you’d have to put your back into it. You’d have to, like, limber up first. KYLE: Yeah! IAN: And just because we brought it up, you know, the idea is Cream’s just kinda using this as an excuse to be thrown, but— [Googling] she’s twenty-six pounds. She’s barely heavier than Charmy. What in the world? KYLE: [chuckling] What? What?! IAN: But yeah, I could definitely pick her up over my head and kinda, fwoop, and then she’d flap and she’d fly, and she’d have a fun time. KYLE: Yeah, yeah… yeah, yeah, I think they’re all a bit too heavy. It’s that— it’s that dang Beach Ball Head Syndrome they got going on. [chuckles] Those giant heads, you know?

EPISODE THUMBNAIL by @kiimeranova (lines) and @nintendoni-art (colors)! Exclusive Throwing Him Thursday Variant HERE!

—— TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: Please remember that nothing that is said on BumbleKast is canon! It’s just some guys and their opinions occasionally spitballing ideas. If you don’t like an answer, you don’t have to take it as Word of God or anything like that. It’s all just for fun!

#silver the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog #idw sonic #sonic idw #throwing him thursday #metal sonic #sth #bumblekast #ian flynn #kyle crouse #bumbleking #tumblr #Happy Thursday everyone! Hope you're all doing well :)#Youtube

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thatguywhofedme · 2 years

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Influencer to live piggy

I was browsing tumblr, looking through the same pages I followed, wishing the feeder in those stories and images was feeding ME into a food coma

I mean, I'm already gaining steadily by stuffing myself as much as I could, last time I weighed myself I was 225 lbs and that was a year ago

That's when I got the idea, why not make my own blog showing off my body, this will surely get the attention of a feeder who would like to stuff me silly

I instantly created my profile and decided to call myself deathbylard, thought this would be pretty clear as to what my blog would be about

After a couple of months, everything was going well

Everyone was loving my big belly, thickening thighs and fat juicy ass, I was now 274 lbs and was finally getting noticed, that's when he messaged me

His profile name was feedyoutodeath, little did I know it was literal

We began chatting and the more we talked, the more we discovered we had tons in common and when we decided to ask each other where we live, we surprisingly lived close by

We decided to meet at an all-you-can-eat buffet, I was waiting at a table when I heard the door open and recognized him instantly

He got to my table and told me how beautiful I looked and if I was ready to eat

I told him to fill me up while rubbing my belly

He instantly got to the buffet and came back with four plates full of the greasiest food he could find

He sat in front of me and began feeding them to me

There wasn't a lot of people, but the staff had a full view of someone getting fed mouthful after mouthful, getting messier from each bite

After I had miraculously ate everything, I was so full I couldn't get up from the chair and my big belly was in full view, bright red and hard like a bowling ball

He helped me from my chair, but not before whispering in my ear "I hope you enjoyed this little lunch of yours, because there's only going to be even more each time we see each other my little piggy"

I was so fucking turned on

We kept seeing each other at least twice a week if not more and he had me on a strict diet consisting of the most fattening and unhealthy food he could think of

After a year of this, I had BLOWN UP, I was so fat I needed a cane to walk the few hundred meters I could do without sweating and getting out of breath, my belly was going to my knees and my ass needed two chairs to support it

We decided to put me on the new scale he had bought me, it had a capacity of 750 lbs

When I got on the scale, I could hear it creak under my weight and after a moment, it beeped to signal it had finally weighed me

My feeder got under my belly and gasped, I asked him how much and he got behind me while groping my fat ass and whispered "614.57 lbs, you're officially my prized hog and only going to get bigger you massive pig"

He slapped my ass HARD, grabbed me by my hand and got me to the bedroom where I knew I was going to need another shake and a good fucking

During this time, my tumblr had exploded in popularity, I was getting so much attention from my huge body and they simply couldn't get enough of it

Some would even say that they wanted to be my feeder and would make me even bigger, but I knew they were only words and not actually fattening me up, I already found the one to do this perfectly

I told my feeder and decided it was time for him to take care of me and my blog while I relaxed and let myself go completely

I knew I was in good hand, being able to pig out while gaining as much weight as I wanted and getting fucked anywhere at anytime, what's not to love

I moved in with him and was surprised by the setup he had for me, bariatric bed with every life support machines I could need including a heart monitor, a fridge beside my bed, a 5 gallon jug high up from where my head would be and a trough !?!

I knew I was a pig, but that was a whole new level and I was simply loving it !!!

I was getting so turned on, that's when he got in front of me, put a pair of pig ear and a pig nose, he began force feeding me two boxes of donuts and said

"this will be your world from now on, you'll be in this bed or on all four eating like a true pig, only able to eat, get fatter and be my personal at home piggy

I've put cameras in your room for everyone on your blog to enjoy, they'll be able to see what a real fatty looks like and witness your disgusting diet, you'll be the star like you wanted from the start

I will make you the fattest person on earth and will continue making you fatter until that little heart of yours gives out for good, that's the only moment I will allow you not to stuff yourself until you pass out from eating too much

You better be ready because all of this starts right now"

I answer by putting my walker to the side, struggling to get on all fours and oinking like a real pig

He got into the kitchen and came back with a trolley full of my favorites, took all of them and throw them into the trough no matter what it was

"eat" is all he said

I obliged and began to stuff myself while moaning and grunting

He got behind me and forced my head deeper

"I don't want you to only eat at a normal speed, real pigs finish all of this in not time no matter what, so you better eat more before I force this funnel down your throat again"

I gulped and began eating faster, I didn't care if my mouth was full, I needed to eat faster to satisfy my feeder, that's what I was always best at and I wasn't going to disappoint him, not now or ever

Six years have passed and I was now permanently planted on my bed, hooked up on life support, my blood vessels being clogged up even more by each fattening feast that entered my greedy mouth and needing multiple pills for my diabetes, blood pressure and cholesterol medication just for me to be able to live a little longer each day

I was so fat now my ass was almost reaching the side of the massive California king size bariatric bed, I needed a crane fixed to the ceiling to move me so I could be taken care of

my body was now slick and sweaty all the time from the exertion of being in this massive body, my love handles, rolls of fat, underboobs and my swollen fupa were always sweaty from having lbs after lbs of fat creating a crease of unable to support all the humidity my body was creating, my three massive chins were coated with grease and crumbs from the multiple meals and shakes I needed in a day, it was the same story for my massive chest and enormous belly that now reached my toes all made it hard for me to breath, all my fat was ridden in cellulite all over, especially in my massive juicy ass and my belly was also covered in bright red stretch marks showing my feeder's technique of feeding me the trashiest food with no mercy for my weakened body while crushing my organs and I was really struggling to breath now, even my oxygen mask was barely able to feed me air and if I wasn't huffing I was wheezing like a pig while sweating like I had run a marathon

My feeder as kept his words, he made me the fattest person alive and we couldn't be happier about it, last time we checked my weight via the built in scale it said 1658.93 lbs

And just because I weigh this much doesn't mean we don't have sex, on the contrary

With the help from the crane, he would lift me up just enough to go under me and begin fucking my hearts out until I came again and again

He would also let me know how much he love me and my massive body, he would go on top of me while trying is best to avoid my massive swollen fatty liver that has gotten no rest in my years and unrelentless feeding and kiss me all over, sometimes he would concentrate a little more on my thighs, other times it would be my sagging ass, enormous thighs, my belly of course, he couldn't get enough of it and any other parts of my body really, he truly loves all of me

That doesn't stop him from teasing me by saying something like "look at what we did to your body, you surely are the fattest fuck anyone would have ever seen and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it" or "you know you're going to die on this bed and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it, all you can do is enjoy yourself while it last until your fat coated heart is tired of supporting your body and you get your fourth and final heart attack" he loved to tease me in the meanest way possible and couldn't simply get enough of it

Although, when I was horribly full, feeling like my stomach would explode at any moment, he would get mad and play with my oxygen tube until I agreed to getting stuffed even more

And if I was being an extra good hog, he would up the pressure on my feeding hose so more and more delicious lard shake would go to my stomach and make me even fatter by the second

Oh speaking of which, my viewers also couldn't get enough of me

I now had millions and millions of followers who would log in just to see myself get pumped even more full of lard and get even fatter by the day

I was able to watch all of this happening on the TV my feeder put in front of me

He wanted me to see all the damage we had done to my body and everytime I looked at myself from the live feed, I still couldn't believe I was this impossibly, enormously fat blob who was only good at swallowing lard shakes and letting it all transform into new fat cells that will make me even bigger and unhealthy than I already was

By the way my heart was slooooowly beating, I knew I wouldn't have long until my body gives up

I had reached pretty much all my goals but don't think for a second I don't have any objectives

I still need to get fatter and keep growing for my feeder

I'm always going to be his personal pig and only live to satisfy his need to force feed me the most unhealthy and greasiest food and shakes imaginable

I'll always want more and more and EVEN FUCKING MORE !!!!

Oink Oink !! 🐷

#death feedee #death feederism #death feedist #immobility #immobile feedee #extremely obese #fatter #feederism kink #death feeder #help me get fatter #get me fatter #fatty getting fatter #make me huge

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toddycats · 5 months

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Actually can I talk about how being a furry let me come out of the closet to myself about being trans? Because I don’t think I talk about it enough.

I think most of my followers on here didn’t follow my original toddy-cats blog (I lost access to it, it still exists out in the world) but I made that when I randomly decided, mid pandemic, that I wanted to Become Part of the Furry Fandom. At the time, I had a really transphobic partner, barely ate food due to stress, and had crippling dysphoria with no name to put to it. I desperately wanted to be ABLE to be trans, but I thought I wasn’t suffering enough to be trans. I thought I wasn’t allowed because i was having this crisis at 20 instead of at 5. I thought I wasn’t allowed to just decide to transition. But I DID know I could just decide to be a furry, and it sounded like a good time.

So I reached out to some cool people I followed on tumblr at the time and asked them questions about being a furry (to which they responded “you can just be one. Do whatever you want forever.”) and I watched every episode of The Bottle on YouTube, and I drafted a design for a civet fursona — Salem, (she/her). I said “I love her! She’s amazing!” And then I said “hm.”

I thought to myself “well the thing about making a fursona for yourself is that you can just make them look like whatever you want, and act like however you want, and BE someone that you aren’t in real life.”

And so I did some googling along the lines of “is it problematic to have your fursona be a gender that you aren’t.” And people said “you can do whatever you want forever.” And so, Salem (she/her) became Salem (she/they) — nonbinary and bi-ace. In contrast, at the time, I publicly identified as an allo bi woman with a preference for dating men. But the furries online said I could do what I wanted with my fursona, and it felt right.

Over time, I made friends with the people who helped me get into the fandom. I made friends with their friends, and we made a discord server, and I used my fursona as my online persona. I asked people to call me Salem, and I asked people to use she/they pronouns, because that’s what Salem used.

And then I noticed something. I noticed that I LIKED using they/them pronouns. A LOT! More than she/her! And I LIKED drawing Salem as dressing and looking more masc! I realized I wanted to look cool like them! And then I realized I could change my fursona’s pronouns (and by extension my own, among my online friends) so that people used they/them for me ALL THE TIME. I could game the system! Then I realized that I could LITERALLY JUST PRESENT MASC IRL AND LOOK COOL AND BE HAPPY AND COMFY LIKE SALEM IS.

And now it’s been like nearly three years since all this started and I’m out to my family and my irl friends and at work. Salem has wings now. I’ve been debating changing my irl name to Salem, among other options. I’m going on HRT. I have a top surgery consult scheduled. I feel like a person with a future. I weigh a normal amount and am not skin and bones. I can go out in public without hyperventilating at the Trader Joe’s. I have a job in the field I trained for (biotech). I have a partner who is also trans and also a furry. We’re going to move in together and live in a little house with ivy growing up the walls. We have a cat. Life is the most worth living that it’s ever been for me.

#salem speaks #this is part of the reason that I can’t stand anti furry sentiments #this community has been SO important to the trajectory of my entire life

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kanmom51 · 1 year

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I have things to say

I’ve been thinking for some time now to put this out, but now seems to be a most appropriate time if ever.

Blogging on Tumblr is not a profession, it’s a hobby.

Blogging is about wanting to share your passion with others and enjoying the little community that is built around that shared passion.

No money to be made here folks, well not by me nor any of the blogs I follow or am in touch with.

It’s time consuming and can most definitely be emotionally challenging.

I, for one, when I joined Tumblr late 2020, was unaware of the little community I would discover here. We gather here in this little space we have created, each to themselves, but also through interaction, together, and created this little bubble where we can share our thought and feelings and respect and support each other.

We don’t do this for money, nor fame, nor even appreciation.

But, and I can only speak for myself here, I am no spokesperson for anyone else, I do expect civility and respect and even kindness at the very least. Even when disagreeing.

Words are powerful things.

How you put those words to action is also so important.

You may not think you are disrespecting another or saying something hurtful. Perhaps, because you are saying it from your heart, or because you think that if you aren’t using derogative words, you think what you are saying isn’t hurting, disrespecting or even making another person feel uncomfortable or intimidated.

I don’t expect people to mince words. But I do expect them to be thoughtful of others as they would others be thoughtful of them.

Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself.

I most definitely understand that when you have passionate feelings about an issue you can get carried away. I most definitely have at times. But, I try my best. And if I am out of line and it’s brought to my attention, I will take responsibility for my actions. I am not infallible. I am human.

We are all human.

Owning up to your mistakes is key. Being able to admit you are in the wrong is key. Being willing to listen to other’s opinions is key. Sometimes, who knows, you might even be convinced. I was.

We cannot grow as human beings and be better people, if we are not open to listen and hear other opinions than our own.

I’ve said this in the past, I came from a more conservative background. My life beliefs now as an adult have changed immensely from what they were even in my 20s. And they are still changing, I can tell you that! But, if I wasn’t open to hearing others, weighing their words, without being dismissive, I would have never become the person that I am today.

I am sharing this with you, probably unnecessarily, because I feel that the world would be a much better place, this space of ours will be a much better place, if only we could be open to listening to others without dismissing them. This, I will say once again, being within the limits of respect and civility towards each other, and towards the people we are actually writing about.

You all know JK and JM are my faves, no secret there.

What is it that young intelligent man had to say about what people should have?

Respect

Understanding

Consideration

Three words that are really not that hard to follow.

And in order to be clear and not too vague:

Hating, calling names, disrespect as a whole (these are thing I’ve seen happen and will not accept: mocking one’s gender, looks, weight, colour of skin, religion, ethnicity etc.) and aggressive behavior/writing is unacceptable.

Criticism, calling out perceived bad or problematic behavior is, on the other hand, acceptable.

**Just a thought: If the person you want to call out is within this community, try reaching out to them via DM’s before you post it in public. At times this could be perceived as shaming them and the road from there is definitely downhill. DM’s are a great space to speak openly, privately, without being held to public judgement. Once again, it’s about putting yourself in their shoes.**

This is where the respectful discussion comes into place. Because there will be those who feel differently than yourself, and that’s fine, that’s ok. We need to know how to listen, think it over and sometimes accept the other’s opinion or sometimes not, but at the very least weigh it through and not dismiss them, nor their arguments off hand.

I am far from perfect and I know that I at times have sinned. If someone out there is reading these lines and thinking they were wronged by me, I do apologize. Could have been a bad day, could have been a bad mood, could have been too many annoying anons, could have been just me being an idiot. Like I said, I am far from perfect. Human, just like JK and JM and Tae and Hobi and Suga and RM and Jin are. HUMAN (psst… you see where I’m going there right? I’ll leave the math up to you this time).

Yah – it doesn’t mean you haters that show up in my blog once in a while. You deserved every word of it.

I know I’m babbling here, but I guess I need to get all of this off my chest.

So, where was I?

Ah, yes, our community.

Like I said, it’s built on our little individual personal spaces. This is supposed to be a place where we find a form of joy or contentment, because otherwise, why did we start it all?

And as such, we each have the right to curate our space, build it to our own liking, share what we feel the need to share.

If we want anons on and have the time and patience to answer the onslaught of asks that land in our inbox then great (I can tell you that having my anons on for less than 24 hours leaves me with hundreds of asks in my inbox, including some very nasty shit, as people love to hide behind the screen of anonymity). If we feel that it’s just too much for us and we would rather spend the little spare time that we have doing our blogging on creating content, then so be it.

If we decide to follow blogs we think might be interesting to us or unfollow blogs we feel bring us no pleasure or even cause us displeasure, so be it. I can tell you that I too unfollow blogs, I am sure each and every one of us does.

Personal space, personal decision.

Going to a blogger and calling them out for writing a post about a and not b, well dah, it’s their blog. You feel you need something to be written about b, go write it yourself in your own space.

Calling out a blogger for something they wrote, if you feel is problematic, not in their DMs, but publicly, is A-OK, as long as you are ready for a clap back as to why they or others feel that it is ok and are ready to have that discussion about why maybe, you yourself are wrong. Saying what you think or believe in is grand, but you need to accept the fact that others may think/feel differently than you and will tell you so. Be ready to have a respectful discussion.

Your blog, your beliefs. 100%.

Be respectful towards others beliefs too. Agree to disagree but don’t belittle them or call them names. I can tell you that nothing boils my blood (well almost nothing) more the loose use of the term delulu among ourselves. This is a term that is used widely to describe each and every one of us Jikook supporters, because we are considered out of our minds to believe that JM and JK may be queer and in a romantic relationship with each other. So turning this on another Jikook blogger is just not right in my opinion. It absolutely infuriates me as to how easily it’s thrown at others here, within our Jikook community.

I’m not sure that I’ve said everything I wanted to. You know, I’m not getting any younger, have been writing so much that by now I think I might have forgotten some points I wanted to make. But what can you do? C’est la vie.

I will end by saying that I, for one, consider myself as a JM/JK (Jikook is so much easier to type out) supporter. I believe these two, beautiful both in and out, young men are a long-term couple. I am not a shipper and do not hold shares in the shipping company. If one day they turn around and tell us “hey fuckers, fooled you, it was all fanservice and we ain’t no couple”, or if it turns out that they are no longer together (because let’s be real here for a second, that first scenario is never happening), then so be it. All I want is for them to be happy (not that I don’t want the others to be happy, but I have a very special place in my heart for those two. Maybe because JK reminds me of myself, maybe because they remind me of my daughters, idk the psychological reasons for it, it just is what it is).

I also love ALL of the other members. Be it not the same level as JM and JK (like I said, special place in heart), nor same way as each other. Each and every one of them is different, special in their own way and I love them for it, differently and specially.

All 7 are loved. None are beyond reproach.

Loving someone, in my books, is also being able to call them out when you think they are misbehaving or doing wrong.

I did/do that with my daughters and I will continue to do that here. And that includes you guys too.

And one more thing:

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for reading my content.

Thank you for reaching this far and reading this long winded post.

Thank you for all the love and appreciation you give me.

Love y’all.

#my blog #my space #Let's cherish this little community of ours

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missmultipleaffairs · 2 months

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I'm going to regret this but I'm doing it for my Tumblr Swifties. Surprisingly there's a lot of you lmao. My favorite song from every album, of course featuring TTPD. Taylor and TøP are the only full music catalogs I know. That's it. I refuse to do this again 🤣

Alright let's go!

Debut: Should've Said No. I WANT DEBUT TV SO BAD IT'S NO EVEN FUNNY. She deserves better 😭. This song is so fucking great and the attention it gets is beautiful to me. Special mentions to Stay Beautiful and The Outside for being underrated as fuck tracks.

Fearless (TV): Forever & Always. Also an underrated masterpiece. You Belong With Me has moved up in my ranking since actually listening to it again because I initially slandered my poor baby for being so overplayed. I feel bad, I really do. Fearless and Jump Then Fall also have my strong love an attention. As an album, I'm honestly not a huge fan of Fearless but I'm honestly glad it got TV treatment first and we got Mr. Perfectly Fine so there's a lot I respect it for. One more thing, Hey Stephen is underrated as hell and I want my baby to have more love pls 🙏

Speak Now (TV): Timeless. WHY ARE WE SLEEPING ON THIS SONG IT IS SO CUTE AND PRETTY AND GORGEOUS AND GOOD AND AAAAAHHHHHH. People need to respect the final track on this album I swear. This isn't fair to Timeless. I Can See You follows as a close second and I can't believe I never noticed that Joey King was in the music video. Mine and Sparks Fly are obviously getting love from me because I love my sweet love songs. Rest in peace to Long Live and her spot on the Eras Tour set list. You'll be missed my darling. The rest of you better stop sleeping on Timeless, it's underrated as fuck and I will not hear any arguing about that. Respect my child.

Red (TV): Treacherous. I know we're not still sleeping on this one after she played it mashed up with The Alchemy. If you are, you have no taste. One her best bridges and it gets so slept on. I beg you, love Treacherous in all her sweet and pretty glory. Message in a Bottle and The Very First Night are also getting extra love as the underrated as FUCK vault tracks. Seriously, listen to Treacherous and appreciate her, we love her here.

1989 (TV): Style. You Are in Love holds second place with an almost super close tie. Yall can't argue with Style easily being the best song on the album. Even my dad, who doesn't like Taylor Swift, says it's the best one. It just is. I'm sorry. You Are in Love I've found new appreciation for after I SLANDERED the poor song in a 1989 ranking on CapCut. I'm redoing all of those because some of those rankings were just unfair. This Love gets a special mention as second best song on 1989, just not my favorite to listen to most of the time. I already have bias towards 1989 because that was the first Taylor album I heard in full capacity. TTPD is my favorite album overall, but 1989 holds a nostalgic place in my heart. One more thing, if you're sleeping on I Know Places, I need you to listen to it again. It's so amazing and needs to be appreciated for the gem it is.

Reputation: I Did Something Bad. I did some reflection on Repuation. I Did Something Bad used to hold my number 3 spot, now I'm not so sure. I think it's easily one of my favorite Tay songs ever. Maybe. This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things and Call it What You Want get second and third place here. I love both songs to death. I love Rep as a whole, Endgame just weighs it down so much. It feels so out of place in Taylor's entire catalog and everything feels like it doesn't exist. It's also just a god awful song I'm sorry 😭

Lover: Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince. I'm not a fan of Lover. I love a lot of the songs on it, but there's so much that holds it back in my eyes. Again, I'm sorry. However, we need to talk about the opening song in the Eras Tour because OH MY GOD IT IS AMAZING. I'm mesmerized by this track, it's just so pretty and the high school fairy tale told in the story is so fucking good and honestly has probably happened in my school, though I've never heard of something like that happening.Anyway, honorable mentions because that's tradition here. I Think He Knows and I Forgot That You Existed. Both are super fucking underrated. I Think He Knows espexlcially. I Forgot That You Existed is so slept on why do yall do this to my heart. Lover and Cruel Summer are the two overplayed songs that hold my attention, holy shit. I play Lover likes it's fucking drugs. As for Cruel Summer, Swifties just have fucking TASTE. Thank you for streaming the shit out of that song. Now all I ask is that you stream Lovers opening track because I've never heard such a good Taylor Swift song so slept on by Swiftie society

Folklore: Invisible String. I will never forgive Taylor for removing The 1 and TLGAD from the set list. My soul is broken from that. My initial favorite was Mirrorball, but I think I'm going back on that too, maybe as my number 2 or 3 song. I do think Folklore is her best written album. With that said, I also don't like it that much. Indie music is something I've come to enjoy and appreciate, but Folklore isn't for me. Invisible String and Mirrorball are my underrated as fuck track picks for Folklore, I love them both so much and seeing them slept on hurts my soul a little. Also, didn't she play Invisible String the other night? And I missed it? I'm sad about it. Trust.

Evermore: No Body, No Crime. EVERMORE IS HER MOST UNDERRATED ALBUM. And I know I'm not supposed to be capitalizing shit from Folklore and Evermore, but I'm a fucking perfectionist who capitalizes everything. I've never felt so attacked by an underrated album in my life. Holy shit. Stream Evermore wayyyy more than you already do. Beautiful music. No Body, No Crime DESERVES number one for making me fucking shiver at it. Ffs why are we sleeping on this? Also, Long Story Short and Ivy are getting appreciation from me. My babies, I love them. Obviously I also think Willow and Champagne Problems are also superior songwriting. I will seriously fight with people about Evermore. I became a different person after listening to this album. It's so much better than Folklore in a lot of areas. Please please please give her more love

Midnights: Midnight Rain. Here's my thing with Midnights. Or even with Red, I need to talk about Red again for a second. Red is my least favorite album. I'm sorry, it has a lot of songs that I love with all my heart, and songs that I will occasionally listen to and enjoy. But there's so many songs that drag it so far down for me. I genuinely can't listen to it without feeling disappointed in some of these songs. I'm sorry to break your hearts. Now, Midnights, also kind of falls under the same problem for me. I don't know how I feel about Midnights despite listening to it multiple times already and trying to form an opinion. I actually have an opinion on Red. Now, back to Midnight Rain. One of my favorite on stage outfit changes ever. I'm not even holding back on that at all. I'll say it until I'm dead. Obviously the TTPD sets change into I Can Do it With a Broken Heart is EONS better. I think this song is GORGEOUS. That and Lavender Haze hold the key to my heart I swear 😫. The Great War is honestly my underrated track here. I'm calling it underrated because I feel like it, leave my alone on that opinion pls 😭.

The Tortured Poets Department: So High School. We don't deserve Taylor. I love this song so fucking much and I can't believe I slandered it on first listen. I can't even respect my own opinions anymore. TTPD is an emotional rollercoaster and I didn't even think twice before I stanned Fortnight so hard. I just thought it was impressive that the song was actually good. I still need to listen to the remixes that came out. I haven't heard good things about them tho. I'm giving extra love to Cassandra and The Prophecy. I will carry these two Anthology tracks to my grave with me for people to just appreciate these masterpieces. This album makes my heart soar in ways I can't even describe. Also, the Vivienne Westwood dress on the Eras Tour? Favorite thing ever. I adore that dress and I want it.

Double Bonus: Album ranking and favorite Eras Tour fits from each set. I'm having too much fun I wanna give yall more content because I'm nice. Sorry for all the reading you'll have to do

Album Ranking:

11. Red

10. Fearless (I'M SORRY 😭)

9. Folklore

8. Lover

7. Midnights

6. Debut (like I said, underrated as fuck album)

5. Reputation

4. Evermore

3. Speak Now

2. 1989

TTPD

Eras Tour Outfits:

Lover: Pink Bodysuit. I could go on for hours with how BEAUTIFUL that bodysuit is. I love seeing it.

Fearless: Movie Outfit. I feel like that's obvious, but it's just so cute and so fun when she's bouncing around in it. I know all the Fearless outfits all kind of do that, but I just think it's so iconic and cute

Evermore: I'm treating Folkmore as a separate entity here because I need to pop off about the bronze dress. I can't believe it's gone. She was gorgeous, I miss her and I need her.

Repuation: I mean... I can't really choose can I? There's only one. Honestly I prefer a lot more of the fits on the Rep Tour but this bodysuit is great. I also like the snake on her microphone during this era

Speak Now: NEW PURPLE MILAN DRESS MY BELOVED YOU ARE SO PRETTY I LOVE YOU. Also the other Enchanted dress that's basically the dress from the Speak Now Tour with way more flare. Listen, shut up I need both pls let me have both they're so pretty 😭😍

Red: Who's Travis Kelce Anyway? Ew. I can't it's so iconic and hilarious Taylor I love you 🤣. I think the new Red suit is also cute but listen. The shirts are what matter here. I love that shirt I think it's fucking hilarious to witness. And obviously I need to mention A Lot Going On At The Moment because ofc I do. These shirts are everything to me I can't 🤣🤣🤣

Folklore: MAGENTA DRESS EVERONE ELSE JUST SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE. THAT DRESS IS BEAUTIFUL AND I NEED IT. I'm not letting my biased ass pick the green one, the magenta dress has all my love, I will not shut up about it ever

1989: The green and purple combo. My two favorite colors made it into my nostalgia albums set list. I felt like I was 7 again just seeing the first combo of it. I almost cried I'm not even kidding. I watched a video of her performing Style in that exact outfit and I damn near lost it. I know this sounds stupid but listen, my two favorite colors present in the 1989 set is amazing. I know Folklore also had both colors, but 1989 somehow makes it more iconic in my mind

TTPD: Um... Vivienne Westwood dress. Duh. Like I said, I want one, I need one, it's amazing. I also think the black two piece with the gold blazer for ICDIWABH is also really great. Its just... that damn dress... I adore it with all my heart.

Acoustic Set: Green dress from previous tour, and current pink dress in Europe. I'm letting my biased ass pick the green dress her. I thinks it's very pretty and it's also green and I love green leave me alone with my green. I also LOVE the new pink dress. She's so gorgeous, I love looking at her.

Midnights: Movie Bodysuit. The way she shimmers OH MY GOD SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. I love the matching Karma jacket too. Seriously, I'm in love. Help she's lovely. I wish I could actually see the Eras Tour with the hope of getting that bodysuit and actually getting to look at it in person. I love her, I need her, I wish I was confident enough to wear her 😭

So yeah, those are my thoughts. Kind of biased kind of not. Thought I'm scared some Swifties her might get mad at me for some opinions. Just my opinion guys I'm not changing it to please anyone. Sorry.

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negans-lucille-tblr · 2 years

Text

Take it Back - Beau x Daughter!Reader Oneshot

Summary: When an unusual case lands on Beau’s desk, it leads to suspects and outcomes he couldn’t predict.

Rating: 18+ // Pairing: Beau Arlen x daughter!Reader

Tags: nude photos, leaked nudes, anger, frustration, bratty!reader, major daddy issues, objectification, absent father, Beau being a terrible father, spanking, p in v, father/daughter incest, orgasms, hair pulling, cum in mouth, shame, guilt

WC: ± 4K

A/Ns: I wrote this before seeing any of season 3. I don’t know what it is, but once I finished writing this I actually felt really gross. I cannot believe my first Beau fic is father/daughter. What the hell is wrong with me? Anyway, enjoy if you’re just as fucked up as I am!!! A/Ns 2: I’m thinking of returning to posting to tumblr with a dark, gritty and smutty Soldier Boy series, so this oneshot is a bit of a trial to see if my audience is still out there 😅 So do let me know if you're reading and would like me to return! ❤️

Beau Arlen Masterlist // Jensen Ackles Master-Masterlist

“Mornin’, Sir.”

“It’s Beau,” he replies without looking up from his cell.

“Well, Beau, you’ve got a case.”

He finally looks up at his company, smiling softly at her as she places the brown paper folder down on his desk.

“Great, ‘bout time something happened around here, been getting bored,” he grins. “What is it? Kidnapping? Homicide? Drugs?”

“Leaked amateur pornography,” she replies flatly, clasping her hands together in front of her.

“What? Why have I got that? You know I’m the sheriff right?”

“Victim kicked up enough of a fuss, asked for you to deal with it personally. You pass it on to whoever you want, I don’t give a shit.”

“Alright,” Beau sighs, reaching for the folder. “Thanks, darlin’.”

He waits until she’s left to look down at the file, reaching for his coffee to take a large slug. He licks his lips as he considers who would want him to deal with this personally, when it’s not really his kind of thing in the first place, but he guesses all he has to do is open the report to find out. He looks up to check his door is closed given the nature of the case, and clears his throat, opening the file to the first page.

Y/N Y/L/N

“Fuck,” Beau mutters to himself, his forehead pulling into a frown.

He instantly reaches for his bottom drawer, grabbing the whiskey bottle inside and unscrewing the cap, pouring a healthy measure into his coffee mug, following it with a quick slug straight from the bottle for good measure. Right now, all it is is words, but he knows beyond the first page will be the photographs that have leaked, screenshots from websites where they’re currently on public display. He purses his lips slightly as his eyes reread the name. He knew she’d changed her name to her mother’s maiden name, but seeing it there still hurts a little. But the main question still on Beau’s mind is the same one that had been there before he learned the victims name; why him? Why specifically ask for him? If anything, the motive is even more unclear now.

Beau stares at the front page for a long moment, worrying his bottom lip as he weighs up his options. He’s a sheriff – an officer of the law – he should treat this case like any other, he should look at it factually and do his job. Though technically, maybe he should take a step back, hand this over to someone else who doesn’t have any kind of personal interest. But now Beau knows about this, he won’t be able to let it lie until whoever leaked those photos and plastered Y/N all over the internet for just anyone to find and jerk off to is caught and held accountable.

He turns over the first page before he can change his mind. The copy of the photo has been censored, blurred out squares covering her most private parts, which Beau decides is definitely a good thing, he doesn’t need to see those parts of her. She’s standing in front of a full length mirror, one hip pushed out to the side, her legs slightly wider than a natural stance, her upper half twisted and curved to show off her chest. She’s done up for the photos, a lot of make up and her hair styled. Beau moves onto the next one. This one is a little less innocently posed than the first. She’s sitting on the floor this time, her legs spread and bent at the knee, her face a little clearer. She’s grown up a little more since Beau last saw her not long after she turned eighteen just over a couple of years ago.

Much like the last, this photo is censored too, but it’s enough that Beau gets the gist of the photo, and moves on to the final one. This one has been taken with the front camera of her cell phone. Her back is to the mirror and she’s on her hands and knees, Her face in full view, but the view from the mirror is definitely where his focus goes. Once again, it’s been censored, but Beau still knows exactly what her intentions were when she took this photo.

He huffs a breath as he skips ahead, now finding the screenshots of the various internet sites that the photos have appeared on, including one called “Revenge Porn”. Beau can’t exactly be mad with Y/N for taking the photos, she is a full grown adult who can do what she wants now, but he thought he’d done a good job reminding her of being safe on the internet, and this is certainly not safe.

He closes the file and takes a much needed mouthful of his coffee, wishing it was just straight whiskey and it wasn’t nine A.M. This is not how he thought his day would go. But after only a few more moments of quiet contemplation, with several mouthfuls of coffee to accompany them, Beau finds himself reopening the file, flicking through the photos again. There are no answers there, of course, and they’re definitely not going to help him to close this case in any way, but he stares at them anyway and thinks about how long it’s been since he last saw her, how much she’s changed.

Beau finds himself reaching for the whiskey bottle once again, taking another swig straight from it, and licks his lips, sighing heavily as he once again closes the file and grabs it, getting up from his desk to take it to someone else. He shouldn’t be the one working on this case, even if she wants him to be.

“Alright, listen up,” he announces, heading over to the whiteboard at the edge of the office. “We’ve got some kind of revenge porn. Should be an open and closed case, trace the IP address from the poster, lock ‘em up, job done. Who wants it?” he asks, holding up the file.

The file is snatched out of his hands by Mannings, who is quick to open it straight onto the photos.

“Damn,” he chuckles, “I’d be pretty pissed off if a girl like that broke up with me too.”

“Victim claims she doesn’t have an ex-boyfriend,” Beau explains, digging his hands into his pockets so he can’t clench them into fists.

He watches the file get passed onto Roberts next, who also ogles at the photos with a smirk on his face. He wolf whistles, which prompts it to get snatched yet again by another guy.

“Damn,” he chuckles, and Beau just gets increasingly frustrated as he watches every member of the team enjoying the evidence, not a single one of them seeming to remember exactly where they are or what they should be doing.

“Jesus, what I wouldn’t do to her. I’ll take the case, boss, I can go talk to her right now,” Collins calls out, his partner elbowing him in the ribs as they laugh amongst themselves.

“That’s someone’s daughter, show some respect,” Beau glares at him.

“Might be someone else’s daughter, but I can have her calling me daddy,” Collins counters, and the room erupts in laughter. “Clearly she’s got daddy issues.”

“Alright,” Beau grunts, heading straight over to Collins and snatching the file out of his hands. “Seeing as none of you can think without your dicks, I’ll take it myself.”

He grips the file in his hand for dear life as he storms back to his office, slamming the door closed behind him. He probably wouldn’t rest if someone else was on the case, anyway. It’s not like he didn’t try to get someone else for the case, but he’s the best man for the job.

He heads back over to his desk and sits down, rubbing his fingers over his mouth as he stares at the front page once again, seeing the long paragraphs of her statement but not taking in any of the words. A knock at his door prompts him to look away, and when he looks up he sees Jenny leaning in the doorway.

“Need help with that?” she asks, pointing to the file. “Could be good to have a woman’s touch.”

“Nah, I’m golden thanks, sweetheart,” Beau forces a smile. “It’s easy enough, should have it wrapped up by the end of the day.”

“Alright,” Jenny agrees, walking away and closing the door behind her.

Alone again, Beau sighs, spurring his computer to life as he figures he should probably stop dragging this out and close the case as soon as possible.

“Are you sure this is the right address?” Beau checks, looking down at the paper he’s just been handed by the cyber security team.

“Yes sir, nearly every upload came from that same address. Some of the others have come from Canada, India, other countries, but usually in these cases, people save and reupload once they’ve found them.”

“Okay, thanks,” Beau sighs, prompting the guy to leave.

He waits until he’s alone to wake his computer back up, clicking on one of the open tabs. It brings up one of the websites the photos first appeared on, and Beau tells himself that it’s just research, that it’s justified because any good officer of the law would look at all the evidence, but Beau’s got all the answers right there in front of him on that slip of paper that has the address on it, and he knows it.

He takes one last look at the uncensored photos, chewing on his bottom lip as he tries to take his eyes off of the screen, but it’s like he can’t stop looking.

His phone buzzes on his desktop, forcing his eyes away, and he takes the opportunity to close down the tab completely so he doesn’t have to get caught up in it again. He takes one last look at the slip of paper with the address on and grabs his car keys, ready to close this case once and for all.

Beau takes a deep breath as he knocks on the door and looks up and down the street as he waits. Not much has really changed, not that he’d expect it to, everyone on this street has always been such a creature of habit. He stares at the American flag waving on the porch for a moment and then hears the front door opening.

“Dad,” Y/N answers, her eyes a little wide. “What are you doing here?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know, Y/N,” he tells her with a sigh.

“And here I was thinking you’d just come to see your little girl, considering it’s been… what? Three years?”

“It’s not been that long,” Beau insists. “Is your mom home?”

“No, she never is,” Y/N tells him, stepping to one side.

Beau takes a moment to look at her. He’s not as shocked at the difference in her after staring at the photos of her all morning, but the change is a little more obvious in person. Eventually, he steps inside what used to be his house, and Y/N closes the door behind him.

“So I’m assuming this is about what’s happened?” she asks. “Did you catch them?”

Beau stares her down, but she’s as stubborn as ever apparently, because she just stares back with complete resolute.

“So your statement says that you didn’t send these photos to anyone, they just happened to end up online somehow,” Beau reminds her.

“Yeah, guessing someone hacked my phone or something,” she shrugs.

“Why did you take the photos in the first place if you weren’t going to send them to anyone?” he asks.

Y/N just shrugs again, crossing her arms over her chest. “For a confidence boost? To feel hot? I know you don’t like thinking about it, Dad, but I have a sex drive, y’know. I’m not a little girl anymore.”

“Yeah, well the morning I’ve had has proved that,” he agrees, exasperatedly. Beau takes a deep breath and decides to put them both out of their misery. “I know you leaked your own photos, sweetheart.”

Y/N’s eyes widen, but she quickly purses her lips and shakes her head. “What? Why would I do that?”

“You tell me, darlin’,” he prompts, cocking an eyebrow. “You can’t lie to me, Y/N. I’ve got the evidence, and if anyone else on the force had taken this case, you could’ve been done for wasting our time.”

“That’s why I specifically asked for you,” she smirks slightly.

“Why did you do it?” he presses once more.

Y/N clenches her jaw and then sighs, looking down at her feet. “I had to get your attention somehow.”

“By posting photos of yourself naked online? You know I had to see them, right?”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” she shrugs, her arms still crossed.

“You could’ve just called,” Beau counters, glaring.

“For you to tell me you’re busy with work and then promise to see me this weekend and then call and cancel at the last minute?” she argues.

Beau takes a deep breath and realises she’s right. “Alright. I know, I’ve been a shitty father,” he agrees. “But this wasn’t the answer. Baby girl, those photos are online forever, we can try to remove them, but people can have copies, and they’ll always crop up again.”

“Oh well,” she shrugs, like it’s no big deal.

“You don’t care, do you? You have no idea what you’ve done. Do you know how many men are going to see you like this now, and you’ll never be able to take it back.”

“What do you care?” she scoffs, moving past him to head into the kitchen.

“Excuse me? Of course I care. You’re my daughter.”

“The only reason you’re here, Daddy,” she counters, stepping closer to him, her face right up in his, “is because it’s your job. You don’t give a shit about me and never have. You barely even know me, you’ve always put work first. You have no right to be this pissed with me.”

Beau clenches his jaw, not wanting to argue with her any more on that. They’re already going around in circles. She just stares him down for a moment or two before a small smirk plays on her lips.

“Unless…” she counters, her smirk only growing deeper. “You’re pissed because you’re jealous.”

“Jealous of what? Hm? Don’t be ridiculous,” Beau scoffs, shaking his head at even the implication.

“Did you like what you saw, Daddy?” she purrs, biting down on her bottom lip.

“You’re crossing a line, sweetheart,” he warns her quietly. “All this for my attention, hm?”

“Well, if I wasn’t getting yours I knew I’d get some guy’s attention,” she giggles. “Only difference is, if another guy from the force showed up I was gonna fuck him.”

Beau bites his tongue, wanting to verbally ask the question of where he went wrong, but he knows they’ve already established that; he has never done this father thing right. Him being so absent is everything to blame for this situation.

“That’s all you want? Some guy to give you five minutes of his attention?” Beau asks through a clenched jaw.

“If he’s doing it right it’ll be longer than five minutes,” she winks, giggling at the way Beau only gets noticeably more irritated by her blasé nature.

“Oh sweetheart, you were never spanked as a child and it fucking shows,” Beau grunts, his anger only building more and more, especially when Y/N only smirks harder and bites down on her bottom lip, still completely unphased.

She steps back, hitching the skirt of her dress higher up her thighs as she begins to bend over the table in front of her, giving Beau a full view of the white lace panties she’s wearing underneath. He clenches his jaw and averts his eyes at first, but he finds his gaze wandering back to the one place it shouldn’t go, as he thinks about the photos that she leaked, and how one of them saw her in a similar position but with far less clothing on.

“What are you doing?” he huffs, only getting even more frustrated. Only this time, it’s with himself. He shouldn’t be fighting with the thoughts that want to enter his brain. He shouldn’t be pushing away all the feelings that want to bubble to the surface. Beau’s not sure he can even acknowledge them right now.

“It’s never too late to start,” she tells him, looking back over her shoulder, her eyes almost sparkling. “Daddy.”

“Get up,” Beau demands, his tone a lot more firm than it’s been since he got here, but Y/N does no such thing, trapping her bottom lip between her teeth and wiggling her ass slightly. Beau can no longer deny how tempting it is, and clearly his words aren’t getting through to her, so maybe some good old-fashioned corporal punishment is just what his bratty daughter needs. “Fine.”

Beau steps up behind her, his jaw clenched, and he has to physically unclench his fist and make sure he keeps his hand flat as he delivers the first spank upon her ass. Y/N flinches and whimpers, but then a short giggle bleeds through her lips, so he delivers a second, just has hard as the first, leaving behind a dark handprint on her skin. Y/N whimpers again, gasping for air, and before he knows it, Beau has delivered a third. His palm is stinging so he can only imagine how Y/N’s ass feels, but there’s something about it that he’s getting some kind of sick, twisted pleasure from, and it’s like he can’t stop.

He delivers spank after spank, losing himself in the anger of the moment, and he thinks maybe he’ll finally get through to her, until the sound of Y/N moaning cuts through his foggy brain, and as he halts the next strike, he realises his chest is heaving and his jeans are painfully tight around the crotch.

“You’re enjoying this?” he asks in disbelief, ignoring the fact that the ludicrous question should be aimed at him not her.

“Did I forget to mention it’s one of my favourite things?” she asks innocently, blinking at him over her shoulder. “It just gets me so wet, daddy.”

Beau can’t think straight through the fog of his arousal, mixed toxically with his anger. He begins to laugh, even though there’s nothing funny, and a small frown twitches over her forehead at the sound.

“You want attention, sweetheart? All this is for my attention, hm?” he asks, reaching for his belt. She barely nods her confirmation, and Beau almost relishes in the slight fear that begins to flood into her eyes. “Alright, then you’ve fucking got it. Exactly what you’re craving.”

“Daddy? What are you doing?” she asks, her voice a lot less smug than it has been.

Beau ignores her, undoing his pants the rest of the way and stepping up behind Y/N as he reaches for her panties and tears them down over her ass, revealing that pussy he’s already seen plastered over the interest. It’s glistening more now, though, and something about that makes Beau’s cock twitch.

“Don’t play fuckin’ dumb, baby girl, you knew what you were doing posting those slutty little photos. You were fuckin’ asking for it, so I’m gonna fuckin’ give it to you.”

She whimpers as he grabs her hips and pulls her closer to him, her upper half falling a little more flat to the table top.

“I know exactly what a girl with daddy issues needs.”

Beau doesn’t overthink grabbing his cock and lining it up with her opening, and he doesn’t think twice about thrusting forward and shoving his cock straight inside his little girl, not until he’s as deep as he can get, and he stops for a second, feeling her warm, wet cunt suck him in, clenching hard around him like a vice. Slowly, she relaxes, giving him the room he needs to start thrusting, and he can’t help but moan at the sensation, closing his eyes and tipping his head back.

“Fuck, Daddy,” she gasps out breathlessly. “You're so big. Fuck, I can’t believe you’re inside me.”

“Don’t play dumb baby girl, this is what you were hoping for, wasn’t it?” he grunts, reaching forward to grab a fistful of her hair.

“Y-yes,” she stammers out, arching her back into the table, her eyes fluttering closed.

“Did you want it to be me? Or were you desperate for just any man’s cock in there?” She doesn’t answer at first, but Beau wants one, so he tugs harder on her hair. “Hm? Did you want your Daddy or are you just a slut that needs anyone’s cock?”

“Yours Daddy, I wanted it to be yours, that’s why I sent the photos,” she admits on an outbreath. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist your baby girl.”

“Jesus,” Beau grunts, hating that he’s fallen straight into her trap, but he can’t deny he’s never felt this good before. His cock fits her perfectly, like she was made for him.

“If I’d have known you had a pussy this good, I’d have stuck around,” he tells her, clenching his jaw harder, fucking her deeper and faster. He doesn’t really mean it, but his brain is so foggy with all these good sensations, and every time he says something dirty, or treats her like a whore, she clenches around him in a way that Beau can’t even describe.

“Fuck Daddy, keep doing that, it’ll make me cum,” she gasps, reaching back and grabbing his hip, pulling him closer to her and sending his cock deeper. “Right there, right there,” she chants, and then he feels her grip onto him like a vice, her walls beginning to spasm around him as she screams out.

The sound of his little girl screaming like that, the sight of her with her mouth wide open and her eyes rolled back in ecstasy, the sensation of her practically milking his cock is having the desired effect on him, and Beau can feel his thighs begin to tense, his balls begin to tighten as he pulls out quickly and tugs on Y/N’s hair, manipulating her to land on her knees at his feet. She instantly opens her mouth wide, sticking her tongue out, the corners of her mouth pulled up in a smirk as she waits patiently for his orgasm. It comes in hot, thick ropes of cum painting her tongue and mouth as he groans and pants over her, quick to let her go and step back as soon as he’s finished.

Beau turns around, unable to look at her as he puts himself away and attempts to redress as quickly as he can.

“Can you get the photos down?” she finally asks.

“I’ll try,” he tells her, not looking back at her.

“Are you going to visit again, or do I need to post more of them?” she challenges.

Beau takes a deep breath, unable to stop the shame crawling over his skin. Not only for what he just did, but for what he drove her to do in the first place.

“I’ll visit,” he tells her, nodding his head.

“Then I’ll be here, Daddy,” she purrs.

But Beau doesn’t reply, he just leaves the room in pursuit of his truck, hoping there really is a way he can remove those photos from existence before they send him back to her doorstep again.

#take it back #beau arlen #beau x reader #daughter!reader #tw: incest #smut #angst #oneshot #big sky #fanfic #jensen ackles #negans-lucille-tblr

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risoria · 2 months

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Dont know if that helps but there are people like me who use social media to unwind, and specifically filter out political content (i do this on tumblr in particular) because i engage in political work in my every day life. Tumblr is my stupid place to recharge. Insta is mixed. Some apps have specific purposes for me. Some of them help me stay informed but they also bring me down. People not engaging with content that they didnt follow the person for doesnt mean they dont care, if that helps. And some people are engaged in other struggles, and might not have the capacities to deal with stuff in other countries, especially if their country is not involved at all. There are many ongoing genocides and wars, meanwhile europe is shifting to the right significantly. Lots of work. Some people pick their battles. And many battles don't happen online.

thank you for your input, i value these conversations! for me personally, unfortunately they don't really help - im sorry, it's not your fault its just that we have different perspectives!

i’m the exact opposite because my previous work DID mentally destroy me completely because… no one really cared - about the suffering, and how abysmal the legislations and the actual realities were (the context is animal cruelty in the food industry but thats not the point, this goes for all politics because….. everything is politics!) - and coming to social media to unwind does help for a little WHILE, but at the end of the day i have to talk about the things weighing on me just to hear that i am not going crazy because other people feel them too… and those conversations with my small social circle and with strangers etc are more important in the long run, both for me and for our communities as a whole. You are absolutely right though that if we're being absolutely honest there are TOO many battles for any one individual to fight - so its a good thing that people do choose the ones they know the most about and that are closest to their heart. But it's also true and inescapable that people also use this as an excuse, "there's too many bad things :c" just to keep up the status quo.

I know this is different from your experience ofc! It was very kind of you to answer my ramblings btw - dont worry, i am fine now (the projects help a lot!), i’m just musing on the ironic fact that i personally dont want to post about insignificant things on my social media anymore simply because it’s too hard when they get engagement and the important posts do not. Again, i absolutely know this doesnt mean people don’t care, and sometimes people just miss posts - and also like you said, some people do their activism etc offline.

however… i’m sure you have also had the misfortune of trying to talk to anti-boycotters or rightwing politicians etc on for example twitter and thus know that shitty people exist everywhere and hearing mockery and dismissal Constantly is taxing for everyone. so when people ""choose to ignore"" things you cant actually tell if theyre just.... staying silent for whatever reason on their soc med (which is… one hell of a choice :))) and its not the right one. objectively) or if they actually don’t care at all - because how Can you know when people choose to stay silent through nine months of this?

also this is just a tangent, but there's also the fact that yes some people just do in fact simply not see the same posts on their timeline, but at the end of the day we all curate our own timelines and its Very free to look up the specific blogs you want to follow that raises awareness etc! again, this is with the assumption that you aren't an activist / work with politics or charities offline ofc, because not that many people do - i don't, for example, but my goal and dream is to start doing it but... i have to piece my brain back together first...

#im sorry more incoherent rambles!!!#again this is not actually venting for once just Afternoon Musings #i hope you dont take this the wrong way!

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fellshish · 6 months

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Hi fell! I saw the poll about that tiktok poll and I just wanted to weigh in with my two cents (lol). I dont think "popular kids" have anything to do with this (said as a deeply unpopular nerd back in hs), fandom has been mean and cruel and petty and kind of a popularity contest (in parts!) all the way back to the livejournal days (like death threats over shipping drama in the hp fandom bad). I think its true that new fans getting into a thing tends to rehash discourse, but i think a lot of the "meaner" discourse like hating people for being "cringe" and antis vs shipper discourse is just indicative of trends in our culture as a whole (reactionist/ conformity/ purity culture). also not the main point but like everybody on tumblr has been here for 12 years the new kids are on tiktok and twitter and they are having shrimp colours of discourse we cant even imagine lol

Actually the op of that tiktok responded to a similar remark in a follow-up, let me link you here

I don’t have any answers honestly but could it be that purity culture started become more intense during covid too? But you could be right. A lot of what you say rings true. I think smarter people than me can say smarter things about it

I know most people on tumblr have been here ages so I think the poll will be interesting in terms of looking at ratios. If within the category of fans who joined during covid, there are percentage wise more popular kid fans than among the fans who were fandomming since before, then maybe that could be indicative of something relevant. I’m not a scientist azdjdjdj

#my asks

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cacodaemonia · 7 months

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The "the ideas fighting for their attention in their head" meme you just reblogged is stolen. Orginal is by bamsara on tumblr (if you google "bamsara same shit" you will find it pretty easily (I would link it here but idk if tumble allows links in asks?)

Hi! Thanks for letting me know. I'm pretty sure you can include links in asks? Not sure though.

Anyway, I did find the original image by @bamsara that you mentioned. But because the post I reblogged yesterday has text in it, I got curious. There's a signature on the image, and when I reverse image searched it, this tweet by a person with that username was the first result that came up. Perhaps that's just the modified version with the most impressions or something, so that's why it showed up first, but I did find a couple more examples here and here.

All of which leads me to some genuine questions (and if bamsara sees this and wants to weigh in, I'd love to know their opinion):

Can memes even be stolen?

Was this intended to be memable at all?

If not, and it still became a meme, what then?

Since the days of the All your base are belong to us and the Pancake Bunny, I've been under the impression that memes are just a part of the internet ecosystem. Since they're often modified in a million different ways, it seems odd to me that all of those variations would have to be credited to the original.

Anyone who follows me knows that I take art theft very seriously, but is changing a meme and reposting it art theft? Maybe it is if you're the first person to alter the image and spread it around without attribution? But that might come back to the intent of the person who created the original image—as in, was it meant to be memable or not? I don't know know the answers to any of these questions.

I also often wonder about this kind of thing with custom emoji. I've made many and I don't care of they get used by others without credit, but I know some people are more protective of the emoji they create, so it seems like a real grey area...

Hah, sorry this got so long. It's just a topic that I actually do think about quite a lot and have never seen addressed. 😂

#asks #memes #emoji #art theft #?#internet culture #internet etiquette #meme etiquette

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john-marshall · 9 months

Text

the vet says my cats are “hefty” so they’re all going on diets. i love a project so i made a spreadsheet. i calculated each cat’s caloric requirements at rest, and then calculated a small deficit that will have them losing a pound over ten weeks. then i took that and for each cat i wrote a weekly feeding schedule with the caloric intake taken as an average over a week so that the cats can have some variety. i’ve spent many hours on this. the spreadsheet has 8 sheets. i’m not done. i’m done enough that we can start putting it into practice but Oh. I’m not done.

problem #1… chestnut. the baby. the fatboy. the dipshit. the sweetboy. 14.26 pounds. not a big cat. fat.

problem #2… willow. big mama. she’s actually not as difficult to keep at a healthy weight as chestnut but she’s smart. we had an extra bag of dry food in the basement (backstock) and she ripped a hole into it and they’ve all been eating out of it for who knows how long. 8.5lb bag. went to get it yesterday. decided to weigh it. 17.74oz left in the bag.

problem #3… the creature himself. ash. my boy. he’s not actually much of an overeater, but chestnut and willow overwhelm him to steal his food, and he doesn’t bother to stick around, and then he ends up eating too much in bursts.

literally just a lot. i miss being on tumblr i’m just so out of the loop whenever i log on i get distracted and zip off again.

my brain isn’t working very well. my memory is disappearing at a rate that has been scaring me for months and months. i’ve brought it up to a bunch of healthcare professionals and literally the only one who took it seriously was the house calls guy from my insurance, and he did a little memory test and told me like “you only need to get one so you technically passed but you should really follow up on that.” i had a little catsitting gig out of town last week so i wasn’t around home. my roommate asked me one day to take her laundry basket to the basement (she has cerebral palsy this request is not something i have an issue with). i agreed but we were in the middle of something. to my memory, we were chatting and going on, and then i had to go back to catsit and left, forgot about the basket until she texted me about it, and i told her i forgot and apologized, but turns out i went upstairs and sounded like i was moving things around, but then didn’t move the laundry basket. i have quite literally no memory of going upstairs. at first she thought i was being a bitch but… nope. blank slate. might be worse? idk. i have an appt with my pcp about it but i’m just like. YEA… i told my pcp about it in SEPTEMBER 🙌

i’m getting sued i’m due in court on tuesday

birthday approaches

i think i have long covid

fuck this year already for real

#p.txt

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summerwritesfics · 1 year

Text

💥And I Know You Won’t Remember Memories In Ember, Chapter 1 - I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me

Pairing: Hanzo Hasashi/Kuai Liang Length: 4228 Words Rating: Mature Warnings: Canon Divergence (Takes place instead of the MKX comics Kamidogu saga to be exact), Gaslighting, Whump, Torture, Canon-Typical Violence, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Abduction, Hostage Situations, Hurt/Comfort, NSFK (Not Safe For Kuai), Like really not safe for Kuai, He will be suffering.

And I Know You Won’t Remember Memories In Ember Masterlist

Notes: Hng, finally managed to get out one of the requests from my winter giveaway. Holy shit lol. This one is for @thetrueweaveroffate who requested a first chapter to a WIP I’ve previously posted on my personal tumblr. The WIP’s were originally posted under the working title of “Hanzo’s Dad”, so if you’re impatient for the next chapter feel free to dig through my WIP tag and see if you can figure it out lol. I will note however I pretty much intend to completely rewrite everything already posted so ^^;; I’m also trying out new techniques for editing with this one so hopefully it’ll be a little easier on me lol, and there won’t be as many typos :) Title is from “New Cydonia” by Starcadian (Altho I will admit I am VTuber trash and was actually listening to Vox Akuma’s cover when I chose the title lol) and the title of this chapter is from “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell.

Kuai Liang could not escape the intense feeling of unease that seemed to be following him everywhere he went.

It had started subtly enough that he believed the feeling to be completely irrational. Even while on the run from The Lin Kuei, he shouldn’t have been feeling like something or someone was constantly following him. Because The Lin Kuei wouldn’t bother quietly stalking him, they’d lock onto his location and immediately begin their assault.

So, initially he had no clue why he felt something was so wrong. He couldn’t see anyone at first, not even out of the corner of his eye. Until he walked into a town one day and spotted a man in a black suit. Anywhere else in the world, he wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at that. But in the middle of a rural Chinese town, where people generally wore more casual or traditional clothing?

The man stood out like a sore thumb.

And after that, he kept seeing more.

In every village, town and city, there was at least one person in a suit. Out in the wilderness, he would spot someone standing off in the distance. He even started to recognise some of them too. One was a long haired blonde white man who almost looked like he’d be at home in one of Johnny Cage’s movies. Another was an Asian man with a very notable birthmark on his neck. There were so many of them, of all different races but they all had at least one unique feature that he picked up on. A lip ring, a tattoo, an unusual hair colour, freckles.

It was getting to the point that he was starting to tally how many times he saw each of them.

And the fact the numbers were starting to get into double figures was concerning.

They never did anything to him, never actually approached him, but it was so obvious that he was the one they were watching. Even behind the dark sunglasses they all wore, Kuai could feel their gaze on him, watching his every move. He didn’t know what they wanted, if they were friend or foe, but either way, it was beginning to weigh on his mind, making him increasingly paranoid.

As he entered the threshold of the latest village, he kept his head low, even as a couple of the locals gave him distrusting looks. Still he made his way down the street, trying to get through as quickly as he possibly could. He hadn’t been able to take a rest in a few days however, so he decided he’d need to stop somewhere. In the distance he could see a sign that read “Inn”. Maybe I should stop for the night? Get an actual good night's sleep for once.

As he passed by an alley, from the corner of his eye, he saw the familiar black suit.

He paused in his tracks, head snapping over to look directly at the man. It was the Blonde man, standing and staring at Kuai with his hands hidden behind his back. Even with the man’s eyes hidden by large sunglasses, Kuai was sure they were making eye contact. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, feeling bile rise in the back of his throat.

He couldn’t keep going on like this, feeling like he was constantly under surveillance.

He turned himself to fully face the man, staring him down as best he could. He could have sworn the asshole actually smirked at that. He clenched his fist, just barely stopping himself from encasing it in ice. This is it, he thought as he began to storm towards the man. He’d either get answers or at the very least confirmation on if he was really being followed.

To his surprise, the man didn’t react much to his approach. He didn’t begin to run, or otherwise attempt to avoid the incoming confrontation. If anything, he just looked incredibly amused. When Kuai actually got close enough to be standing directly in front of the man, he realised he had no idea what to do. If the guy had run, he could have pursued, he hadn’t anticipated the man not reacting at all.

“Can I help you?” The man asked him smoothly, although the tone slightly condescending, like he was addressing a child rather than a grown man in his 30’s.

“Why are you following me?” He growled, desperate to seem dangerous, but it didn’t seem to be working.

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You and your little entourage of suited pricks.” Without really thinking he reached a hand forward, grasping the black fabric of the man's clothes in his fist. “Why are you following me?”

The man smiled slightly, “a coincidence, I’m sure.”

Kuai grit his teeth, his grip getting ever so tighter.

“I don’t believe that for a second,” he bit out, pulling on the man slightly but finding he barely moved for it. “You and the others have been there at every turn. Every path, every village, you have been there, watching me. I demand to know why!”

Kuai was suddenly aware he was standing on his tiptoes, desperately trying to get in the man's face despite their height difference. It must have looked ridiculous to anyone who happened to be watching him. The man smirked down at him, looking like he was seconds away from just laughing in Kuai’s face.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The man tilted his head, and switched the tone of his voice to faux concern. “Are you okay? You appear to be experiencing an increased level of paranoia currently.”

Kuai laughed. A loud bitter angry laugh right in the man's face.

“Maybe you should take a rest, hm?” The man continued to suggest, as Kuai’s laugh quietened. “I hear the inn in this town is lovely.”

Kuai swallowed, there was something unnerving about that. Like this man was extremely invested in Kuai going to the inn.

What do these people want?

He wasn’t going to get answers, at least not like this. He knew well enough by now to pick his battles wisely, and this was one he had no hope to win. Releasing his grip on the man, he took a step back.

“I will be fine, thank you very much,” he huffed. Now this man had mentioned it, there was no way he was entering that inn. Something was going to happen to him if he went in there, he could just feel it.

As he turned away, he heard the man call out to him, “I really think you should reconsider, Sub Zero.”

Kuai paused in his tracks. Slowly looking over his shoulder, he saw the man wearing a smug look. Kuai had not used the name Sub Zero around this man. Hell he had barely talked to anyone during this entire journey, let alone tell anyone either his real name or codename.

They stared at each other for a long moment, Kuai feeling a twisting in his gut. That was it, the confirmation that these men really were following him. Yet it felt so strange. What did the man get out of revealing it in this way? Other than to mess with him?

So… Did he just say it by accident?

“I never mentioned my name,” Kuai said lowly, hoping maybe to see a look of surprise, like the man hadn’t intended to say that. But no, he just continued to smile at him. He’d definitely done it on purpose.

What exactly could he hope to accomplish by doing that?

“Maybe you didn’t,” the man replied, reaching up to his glasses to pull them down slightly, now squarely meeting Kuai’s gaze. “Maybe I just overheard a conversation, or maybe I’ve been sent by The Lin Kuei to find you, or… Maybe the Shirai Ryu? You have many enemies, right, Sub Zero? I could be anyone.”

“You aren’t with The Lin Kuei,” Kuai spat, fully turning on the spot and concentrating on the words rather than the implications that this man knew far more about his life than Kuai would care anyone to know. “Or the Shirai Ryu. Even if they were still around, if you were with them, you’d have tried to kill me before now.”

“Ah, I suppose that is true,” the man hummed thoughtfully, pushing his glasses back into place. “Then, maybe I truly am just a passerby, hm?”

Kuai didn’t know what to say to that. He was far too freaked out by this conversation and the almost-but-not-quite confirmation he was indeed being followed. Unsure if he could cope with this much longer, his only option was to just walk away, lest he let it eat away his sanity.

He turned his back on the man and began to storm off, hoping to get away as quickly as possible.

Behind him, he heard the man chuckle and shout to him, “you should really consider what I said about resting.”

Like fuck am I going anywhere near that inn.

Yet at the same time, he absolutely needed to rest. He’d been on the go almost constantly and even if his current fears were valid, it absolutely wasn’t helping how tired he was. He reached into his pack, taking a quick look at the handmade map he’d scribbled on a scrap of paper so he’d have some vague idea of where to go. He was sure he’d marked another inn somewhere in the vicinity of this village. There was one, it’d take another hour or so for him to trek to it, but it seemed like the safer bet at this point.

He shoved the map back into his pocket, heading off in the right direction. He didn’t bother to look back at the man, because he knew if he did it would reveal just how affected by this he was.

The sooner he got to the Inn the better.

As he had anticipated, it had taken him around an hour to get to the inn on the outskirts of the town.

And so far everything looked normal. He hadn’t seen any more of the suited men, or anything else really off. The nagging at the back of his mind told him to keep alert. If he really had thrown off their plans by going to a different inn, their stalking would only get more aggressive than it already was.

He paused outside for a minute, leaning against the building and glancing around. There was still no one else around.

So why did something still feel wrong?

He clenched his fist, grinding his teeth as he continued to survey his surroundings. He wasn’t even sure what he was looking for. Just anything odd, anything that didn’t belong or stood out as strange. There was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Somehow, that didn’t do anything to quell his fears.

Had he made a mistake coming here? Maybe he should completely forgo the inn and continue on?

He ran his tongue along his teeth, his mouth was so dry that if he didn’t at least stop to get a drink he’d run the risk of dehydration. He sighed, and lent back against the wall. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his map. A glance told him the next closest inn was over two hours away, and he knew for a fact he did not have the energy levels to reach it.

He looked up at the inn, the sign so weathered he couldn’t make out the actual name. Just a drink of water won’t hurt, will it? He went towards the door, gently pushing it open, and peering inside. The place was mostly empty, with just a handful of people sitting around one table, and someone behind the counter. No one was wearing a suit, and none of the people looked like the men he’d seen previously.

Just a quick drink, in and out. That’ll be fine.

He steadied his resolve and stepped inside. The men at the table stopped talking to stare at him for a second, before deciding he wasn’t that interesting and returning to their conversation. He swallowed, adjusting his armour. Just because they didn’t care about his presence right now, didn’t mean they wouldn’t find something to take exception to later.

He made his way towards the counter, the lady behind it looking up as he did. She smiled brightly but it wasn’t a natural one, it looked extremely forced, but Kuai supposed he couldn’t blame her for that. If he had to stand behind a counter serving people drinks all day, he’d probably have to fake a smile too.

“Hello,” she greeted, putting down a glass and focusing a little too intently on Kuai instead. “What can I get you?”

“Just a glass of water, please,” he muttered, reaching into his pocket to find the little money he had left.

“Are you sure?” She asked, tilting her head. “You look like you could do with a meal of some kind too.”

“No, just the water please.” He could stand another couple of days without food, water was far more important.

The woman hummed, sounding strangely disappointed by this. Kuai told himself she was just disappointed she wouldn’t be getting more money out of him. Still she picked up a clean glass and turned her back to him. He couldn’t see what she was doing, but he could hear the rush of liquid filling the glass. Seconds later, she was back to facing him, putting the water on the counter.

Kuai placed down a couple of coins to pay for the drink. The woman accepted them, pushing the water towards Kuai.

“Thank you.”

Kuai took the glass in his hand, just observing the water. It was perfectly still, clear, and looked like a normal glass of water.

So why was that creeping feeling of unease catching up to him again?

He gave the inn another glance, even in the low light, no one was paying him any attention. In fact it almost felt like everyone was making a point to not look at him. If anything, that just made the feeling even worse.

“Is everything okay?” The woman asked, making Kuai turn to face her again. She still had that fake smile on her face, and the more Kuai looked at it, the more anxious he felt. “You seem a little worried by something.”

“Yes,” Kuai muttered, finally picking up his glass of water and bowing slightly to her. “Yes, I am fine.”

He didn’t give her chance to ask again, as he took his glass and walked off. Making his way through the room, he went to a small table in the far corner. As he sat down, he made sure he was directly in the corner. No one could come up behind him that way. He could also see the entire inn, so if one of the suited men walked in, he’d see it immediately and have a better chance to make an escape.

He didn’t even drink for a while, just sat in silence, watching the group at the other table. They were too absorbed in whatever they were talking about to take any note of Kuai.

But his eyes slowly drifted over towards the woman behind the counter. She was trying so hard to make it look like she wasn’t looking at him. He gave her credit for effort but even from afar he could see that while her head was down towards a glass, her eyes were in his direction.

Maybe she was keeping an eye on him for a reason. Or maybe he was just a strange man who’d walked in, asked only for a glass of water and that had made her suspicious of him. In the mists of his own distrust, he never stopped to think about how his behaviour might come across to other people.

Well, I might as well use this opportunity to figure out where I’m actually going.

He took a quick sip of his water, before pulling out his map again. At that moment, he didn’t have a final destination, as such. His only real aim was to get out of China. It felt bitter to think such a thing, he loved his country dearly, but with The Lin Kuei looking for him, he didn’t feel safe staying any longer.

Considering where he currently was, his best option was to try and catch a boat to South Korea first. Then, possibly Japan, even if that idea made him anxious. The Shirai Ryu were no more, in theory it should be safe for him to be there. From Japan, he wasn’t sure. Now that he thought about it, Japan didn’t have many places close by that he could get to. He had possibly gone in the completely wrong direction if he wanted to quickly get as far away as possible.

Maybe when I’m in Japan, I can find a way to get a fake ID and take a plane to America? It sounded like his best option. That or maybe, just maybe, he could find a way to contact Special Forces. Johnny Cage was annoying, but many moons ago, during the tournament, he’d offered Kuai a home. Kuai had turned it down at the time, and then he died, so it turned out to be a moot point anyway. Maybe the offer would still stand, or at the very least, Cage would help him find somewhere to lay low.

He took another larger gulp of his water. Yes. A plan was starting to come to him. First, he needed to get to South Korea. There would probably be some merchant boats he could stow away on. He looked at his map, grabbing a pen from another pocket as he circled a dock a few days away that would be the closest place to go from.

He began to work out a new path. He wanted to conserve as much energy as he could, so he tried to avoid too many mountainous or potentially dangerous paths. Between every couple of lines he drank more of the water, using that time to think over the path he was taking, and changing things if he thought it needed too.

Then, for a fleeting second, he felt dizzy.

He closed his eyes, trying to let the feeling pass. It thankfully did, fairly quickly at that. He was possibly more tired than he had initially believed, or a lot more dehydrated. He drank the last of the water to be sure, and considered briefly if he should order more.

He turned his attention back to his map, but when he did, he realised there was something wrong.

The writing on the paper was blurry. His breathing hitched as he looked up. It wasn’t just the paper, the whole room was blurry.

He blinked rapidly, hoping somehow that would clear his vision but it did nothing. The dizzy feeling came back, stronger this time. He closed his eyes, his head was absolutely spinning. He could feel himself slowly swaying on the spot. When he reopened his eyes, the world was warping around him, almost like he was on a boat being rocked by the sea during a storm.

“What?” Kuai whispered to himself, beginning to feel so very hot.

He needed to get out of here.

He braced his hands against the table, trying to push himself up and onto his feet. He stumbled slightly, only stopping himself from falling by tightening his grip on the table.

The entire world felt unstable, like he was about to fall through the ground at any moment. Yet he still tried to push forward, stumbling over himself as he tried to get away from the table. The heat was getting unbearable, he needed to get outside to cool down.

He tried to move across the room, but found himself very quickly losing his balance. One second, he was upright, then he blinked and the next second he was face to face with the wooden floor.

He desperately clawed at the ground, trying to pull himself along. Why had no one come to see if something was wrong? Surely someone had noticed that he needed help by now, right?

The sounds around him seemed to echo, especially the sound of the Inn’s door opening and several pairs of footsteps approaching him. He was still trying to pull himself along when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Seconds later, he found the world flipping around, and he was staring up at the ceiling.

A face came into view, but Kuai could not make out who was looking down at him.

“Well, well, well,” the person said, and Kuai felt his blood run cold. That was the voice of the suited man from earlier. “I did tell you that you should have gone to the Inn in town, now didn’t I?”

“Y-You…” Kuai didn’t have the brainpower to voice his despair.

This had been a trap, and like an absolute fool, he had fallen for it.

The Grandmaster was right, he really was stupid, wasn’t he?

“N-no,” Kuai croaked out with a sob, trying to push himself back onto his stomach. He needed to get away, even if he had to crawl.

“Now, where exactly do you think you’re going to go like this?” The man cruelly chuckled, moving so that he grabbed Kuai under his armpits.

Kuai felt himself being lifted into the air, realising that someone else had taken hold of his feet as well. He weakly slapped his hands against the arms holding his top half back, trying to conjure his ice only for a few flakes of snow to escape his fingertips. His head began to feel light, eyes so heavy he couldn’t keep them open. He had a feeling he wouldn’t be awake for much longer.

He heard more doors open, and seconds later, he was being placed down somewhere. He felt something metal clip around his wrist and neck. Just about managing to reopen his eyes, he saw the suited man staring at him with a predatory grin.

“Agent X is going to be so pleased we finally got you.”

Kuai didn’t have a chance to compute those words, as a door in front of him was slammed shut and his eyes closed one final time, darkness enveloping him as his conscious thoughts slipped away.

“Alpha team,” Agent Y announced into a microphone, “the target has the drug in his system, he will be ready for pick up in around 5 minutes.”

“Roger that,” the voice on the other end replied.

X sighed dramatically, it had taken a lot to set this plan into motion. Kuai Liang was not an easy man to keep track of, let alone predict his actions before he did them. But it was almost over now, and soon he’d be in their grasps. He had to give Agent Z her due, her plan worked flawlessly. The trick to get him into the right inn by using his own paranoia against him was inspired, and he was honestly surprised that Kuai Liang had actually fallen for it. X was certain Kuai Liang was smarter than that, but he supposed lack of sleep could make an idiot out of even certified geniuses.

“We are still in agreement that I will be the one to torture him, correct?” X questioned, watching on the screen as Kuai’s head started to droop slightly. He swayed, pushing to stand up on very unsteady feet.

“Yeah, yeah,” Y replied in an annoyed tone.

“And that once we have the information we need out of Hasashi, I get to keep him, right?” That was the agreement, and X needed it to be kept to. Kuai Liang was an absolutely fascinating subject, and by the time he was done, X would understand every part of him.

“You’re a really weird guy, you know that X?” Y snipped at him, but X just rolled his eyes.

No one else understood his fascination with the man, and no one else shared it. To them, Kuai Liang was just another magic user in a world overrun with them. But there was something that stood out about Kuai Liang, at least to X anyway. He truly was as like a snowflake as his powers suggested, unique from everyone else in the world, even amongst those that shared his particular skill set. X found himself drawn to him, and when X was drawn to something, he needed to know everything about it.

Regardless of what it took to get the information he desired.

“Once we get the reply from Hasashi, he’s all yours,” Y sighed in defeat, clearly not wanting to stoke the flames or get into whatever was going on in X’s head.

Good.

X turned his attention back to the screen, watching as Kuai stumbled around, struggling to stay upright. Soon, his legs gave out under him, ending up on his knees. Seconds later, he was face down on the floor.

As Alpha Team closed in, manhandling the barely-conscious Ex-Lin Kuei into the back of a truck, X smiled to himself, knowing soon he’d be able to start his research.

He’d been waiting for this chance for far too long, and he was going to make the most out of it.

≛❀≛ Next Chapter ⋟

#mortal kombat #kuai liang #sub zero #hanzo hasashi #scorpion #subscorp #💥And I Know You Won’t Remember Memories In Ember

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elendiliel · 2 years

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'Til All Are One

Sorry this one took so long. Life has been even more chaotic than usual. Hopefully I'll get round to the next one much sooner.

(Possible inspiration credits to @justawannabearchaeologist's "TFP Wheeljack in TFA" series here on Tumblr, and definite ones to @blueskyscribeupdates' fic With a Side of Rust; both are highly recommended.)

---

“You doing OK, kid?” Wheeljack replied to his own question before Glitch could. “Actually, don’t answer that. Something tells me you’re not.”

“What would that be?” The field-tech opened her optics (she had been trying, and failing, to meditate) and glanced down at her servos. And the magnets that had extended themselves from her wrists, and were still imitating an Earth crustacean’s claws until she consciously stopped and retracted them. “Oh. That.” Awk-ward. She was normally in full control of her mods, outside combat, at least.

“It’s all right. We’re all worried about Doc and Optimus.” Ratchet, Team Prime’s senior medic, had been captured by the Decepticons; Optimus Prime, the Autobots’ leader, was at that moment following an improvised drone to – they hoped – the ‘Cons’ mobile base and his Amica. “And I know you and Ratchet are pretty close.”

“Medic solidarity can be inconvenient,” Glitch agreed. Actually, she was close to two Ratchets – her mentor back in her home universe, and her senior colleague and friend in that one, both of whom had taught her to be more open about her thoughts and feelings. “As can some of the ways my processor’s wired differently. I’m scared more often than I should be, and it’s always hard to stop. Mindfulness and meditation are supposed to help, but either they’re not cutting the mustard this time or I’m not good enough. Probably both.” She’d been trying to calm down almost since Prime left, but her processor was still full of worst-case scenarios and it and her upper backstrut still felt as though they’d been electrified. And if she’d lost control of her mods, she was even more agitated than she’d realised.

“You need to look for a different solution, then.” That was Wheeljack the engineer talking – and possibly Wheeljack the Wrecker. The demolitions expert could be both at once, though Glitch had seen more and more of his inner scientist as they got to know each other. “D’you feel calm enough to try finishing those projects we’ve been working on? Maybe a distraction will help.”

“It’s worth a shot.” Glitch unfolded herself from her meditation pose and followed Wheeljack to their shared worktable. He was right; throwing herself into work did often help, and their projects might give the ‘bots another advantage in the near future. And we need as many of those as we can get.

***

“Do I look like hired help to you, Autobot?” No, Knock Out looked like a petulant newbuild as he objected to being asked to fetch a quantum cybermeasure by Ratchet. Someone hadn’t worked with another medic or scientist for quite some time. Ratchet almost sighed as Shockwave (another loner, but one who at least remembered lab etiquette) weighed in. He missed working with Rafael, Glitch and even Wheeljack, and it had been less than a day since his capture. (Or so he thought. Between unconsciousness, the cortical psychic patch and sheer boredom as – most likely – Shockwave was repaired after a battle, with Ultra Magnus and Glitch by the looks of things, it was hard to be sure.) Rafael would have scampered off to get the piece of equipment before Ratchet had finished the sentence, Glitch would have summoned it without looking up from her own work – or damaging anything – and Wheeljack would have handed it over with a sharp-sounding but clearly friendly comment. Despite himself, Ratchet had come to respect and even care about the reckless Wrecker, and thought the sentiment might be returned. But instead of any of his usual colleagues, he was stuck with an arrogant Aston Martin and an apparently emotionless tank. Oh well. He’d dealt with worse.

At least Shockwave knew what he was talking about. Discussing cybermatter and its relationship to Synth-En, Ratchet might as well have been back in Iacon before the war, or even in Hangar E on a calm day (or one of Glitch’s Bad Days, when she stayed behind to help him rather than risk becoming a liability in the field). Up until Knock Out let something very significant slip.

“And to think that had we not let you destroy the beasts, none of this would be possible.” Let you? Ratchet already knew that the Decepticons had learned that Synth-En and CNA could combine to form cybermatter from Wheeljack’s destruction of Shockwave’s cloning laboratory. But that had been part of a “regular” operation – or so it had seemed at the time. Glitch was right. It was a setup. She said it was all too convenient. They used us to do their dirty work, and Wheeljack and Ultra Magnus could have died as a result. But why destroy an asset they spent so much time and effort, and so many lives, creating? It doesn’t make sense – unless…

Knock Out clearly realised his mistake immediately, and tried to reverse, inexpertly aided by Shockwave steering Ratchet back to the matter in hand. But the damage was done. Walls don’t fix themselves when you back off after hitting them, Ratchet caught himself thinking. It sounded like something Glitch would say. I’d much rather have her here than those two. They might be far better scientists, but she’s a better colleague.

Knock Out was still in a foul mood when, some time later, Shockwave asked him for another CNA sample, and the sports car complied with poor grace, complaining about how “it wasn’t all that long ago I used to run this lab.” And doesn’t it show, Ratchet thought. Knock Out had run that lab all right – with one under-trained assistant, and a tendency to sneak off and enter illegal human races. (And that was after he and Breakdown had been recalled from their apparent extended leave of absence.) No wonder he was being so stroppy over sharing it with Ratchet and Shockwave. And his bad temper, combined with the CNA sample he had just knocked over such that the storage compartment hatch was wedged open, had given Ratchet a germ of a plan.

No time like the present. While the other medic’s backplate was turned, he made his way over to the cabinet and started trying to pull the sample free. He hadn’t got far when Knock Out turned towards him, but managed to distract him by asking for an isoprope, which kept the mech occupied for the circuit-shorting seconds it took to retrieve the canister. Ratchet was so relieved to have got away with his subterfuge that he actually thanked Knock Out for the unnecessary tool. The look of pleased surprise on the sports car’s face as he acknowledged the commonplace courtesy, and the few seconds it took him to register it, was unsettling to say the least. Medics often dispensed with such formalities, but did no one thank Knock Out for his work?

“I’m sorry about Breakdown.” The words slipped out before Ratchet could stop them, and he hastened to clarify his statement. “I can’t say I cared for the mech, but I know he meant a lot to you, and what it’s like to lose someone like that.”

Knock Out’s face was a picture, or rather a rapid succession of pictures, as he parsed Ratchet’s words. He eventually settled on something resigned and accepting, hiding the pain Ratchet knew he felt. “That little two-wheeler told you, didn’t she.”

“Glitch did, yes. You may have noticed she doesn’t have much in the way of filters, and you weren’t really her patient, so patient confidentiality didn’t apply. She told us everything, rather than keep it locked up in her spark, or let anyone’s imagination fill in the gaps. And she isn’t holding a grudge. I don’t think she can.” Ratchet would have said his junior colleague didn’t have a vengeful strut in her frame, but he’d heard her talk about her Shockwave and knew that wasn’t true. She couldn’t hate Knock Out, though. She understood him too well. And if she didn’t hate him for invading her mind and trying to kill her, nor could Ratchet. However much he might dislike the idea of anyone harming the gentle young femme.

Knock Out was spared having to respond by Shockwave reminding them both to stay on task. His complaints were probably cosmetic by that point – as was Ratchet’s apparent total focus on his work. While the Synth-En project was fascinating, he was also planning his best way out of there.

***

“Autobot base, do you read? Can anyone hear me?” Half a dozen of Glitch’s tools clattered to the floor as she jumped to her peds. She had thrown herself even more deeply into her work since Prime had reported Chip’s destruction. But Ratchet’s voice over the comm was all the distraction she needed.

“Loud and clear, old friend!” Prime’s joy as he replied to his Amica was shared by everyone back at base – until Ratchet reported that Megatron had reconstructed the Omega Lock, the device that could cyberform any planet. It could restore that universe’s devastated Cybertron, or extinguish all life on Earth. No prizes for guessing which King ‘Con would do first, even before Ratchet confirmed it.

There was blaster fire in the background of the transmission; Ratchet had to keep moving, but Glitch managed to tap his internal comms long enough to say a few words. “We’re coming for you, Doc-‘Bot. Don’t do anything I would do in the meantime.”

“I think that ship has already taken off.” Even Glitch could hear the amusement in his voice.

“How so?”

“Blew up a centrifuge by dropping an isoprope into it, escaped in vehicular mode, talked Predaking into going after Megatron rather than finishing me off. Maybe I’ve been around you too long.”

“Or you’ve always been like that. Either way, I intend for you to be around me a bit longer. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to tool up. See you on the other side.”

“’Til we meet again.” How did Ratchet know that one? Hamilton hadn’t even come out yet in that timeframe. Perhaps he’d raided her music collection.

The line went dead, and Glitch turned her attention to preparing for the battle ahead. Packing her tools, scrupulously maintained as always, back into her repair kit. Fitting her EMP generator, modified with Ratchet’s and Wheeljack’s help to act as a stun-gun for ‘bots of that reality and finished just in time, to her right arm. (Another modification; previously, it had only been worn on her left arm, hooked into the same circuits her shield used, a design flaw she’d finally corrected.) Adding one or two new gadgets to her arsenal. That stasisless night and day hadn’t been wasted.

Around her, the other ‘bots readied their own weapons and tools. Glitch took particular note of an energy bow Smokescreen had chosen, which reminded her of the one her universe’s Rodimus Prime had designed for himself. Smokescreen had always reminded her a bit of a young Rodimus. She just hoped he survived to grow up and become as good a leader. And that, to that end, he actually knew how to use that bow.

At last, everyone was prepared. Glitch hardly heard Prime’s motivational speech (some things never changed) as she stepped into the groundbridge alongside Bumblebee, the team’s only other shield user. They all knew the stakes. If they failed, Earth would fall. So they would not fail. They could not.

But success wasn’t going to be easy; that much was obvious the moment they arrived on top of the warship and almost immediately met with determined, if depleted, resistance. Bumblebee beeped a familiar statement as he and Glitch took their logical places at the front of the formation.

“’Til all are one,” she agreed.

#transformers prime #transformers animated #fanfic #autobot oc #tfp ratchet #tfp wheeljack #tfp knockout #misplaced medic au

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wooahaes · 1 year

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hi! (first time sending an ask so pls lmk if anyone has this emoji but-) i completely agree w/ u that writers should put a warning or smth that the fanfic will be catered to a certain body type as ive read fanfic w/o that and have felt insecure. not saying these writers are intentionally trying to make ppl feel bad, but they need to realize that sometimes their works do cater to thin/skinny body types and letting readers know that rly isnt a big deal. ty for always speaking ur truth! - 🐱 anon

hi nonny! im gonna answer all ur asks in one go <3 (no need to apologize for spamming! i had a moment of 'oh fuck did i say something wrong' but thats just anxiety brain speaking haha)

honestly! i genuinely don't mind if writers wanna intentionally write works for a thinner reader, it'd just be nice for them to write in a little warning at the beginning of the fic <3 i write chubby readers and mark 'em with chubby!reader so my audience knows, nothing wrong w doing it the other way around!

i also wanna say, i remember looking up "seventeen x chubby reader", "svt x chubby reader", or smth along those lines on tumblr but just knowing almost nothing will pop up 💔. until i saw a little fanfic called "tiger stripes" and was baffled that someone actually wrote something that had someone like me in mind. i remember feeling and being so happy about it. just thank you for your svt x chubby reader works because u make us chubby carats feel so seen 🫶🏼 - 🐱 anon

aaaa ty lovely!! im a chubby gal myself so i love writing chubby!reader fics from time to time when inspiration strikes <3 usually i try to keep everything body neutral so that anyone can enjoy my fics (even in my chubby reader fics, i try not to specify how big reader is so that anyone bigger can enjoy them), but sometimes i just gotta aim something for the chubby gals out there <3 tiger stripes is one of my most beloved fics and it genuinely makes me happy to think of my own stretch marks as tiger stripes hehe <3

ah anyway !! hope im not a bother w/ my asks !! i just wanted to tell u this despite my shyness bc idk, i rly feel like u needed to hear it 🙏🏼 anyway, i also wanna add ur a rly good writer and keep on doing what ur doing 👍🏼 - 🐱 anon

u are 100000% fine!! i love talking to anons and ur always welcome to pop into my inbox whenever you feel like it <3 + it does always help to hear that other chubby carats enjoy my work!! mwah mwah ur so sweet

tw fatphobia mentions (nothing explicitly fatphobic tho) // omg though.. i remember finding this [redacted] x reader fic and bc it appeared under the [removed] tag (smth like that) and i assumed that it was catered to fat ppl. but unfortunately it turned out to be incredibly fatphobic w/ it's themes, plot, + y/n. im not saying u have to be fat to write "x fat reader" fanfic but perhaps step away from writing for ppl u have no understanding of if ur gna write stuff like that.. - 🐱 anon

redacting the guy + the tag from your ask purely to try and avoid anyone tracking down the writer by any means! i trust my followers to not do something like that, but i'd feel better reducing that risk in any way <3

oh yikes! i think like... its worth it to sometimes address fatphobia in writing, but that kind of stuff 100% needs a warning! one of my current fic ideas involves a reader who is confident in her body but kinda relapses back to a previous mindset of 'maybe i Should be ashamed of it' after being fully insulted for being a bigger gal and the fic would absolutely have a warning.

i do agree that you def do not have to be a bigger person to write chubby/fat reader fics, but its definitely something you need to be mindful of when you wanna handle the heavier topics. im always happy to weigh in with my own thoughts + experiences, and im sure other people would be, too! no shame in trying to address it in themes/plot, but there's def a difference between endorsing those ideas and discussing them (and i'll say i have no idea which was being done in this fic)

(btw: no one go looking for this writer to say anything to them btw, we do not promote harassment on this blog--anon ur 100% fine to express ur opinions since i've seen fatphobia in reader fics, too, and it's okay to express discomfort with the idea. i'm always open to discussing things as long as they don't point too directly to anyone's work--and i'm equally open to taking down anything that pinpoints a certain writer.)

anyway ur 100% fine to send as many asks as u want!! im always happy to talk to people esp abt topics like this (or in general too!) <3 ty for being polite tho mwah mwah ur v cute

#🐱 anon #wooahaes.ask #asks.anon #fatphobia tw #(for a mention in another ask anon sent)#(im serious btw i removed the guy + the tag to reduce any risk of the writer being found)#(please do not go looking for the writer)

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mintychristianwitch · 1 year

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Anger at the Church

I tend to write these as a stream of consciousness so you’ll forgive me if I don’t cite sources. I am still feeling a lot of anger at my former church and I want to put that to rest but I am still struggling with how to do that.

Often, those of us who are socialized as women are conditioned to avoid expressing anger because it is not a nurturing, comforting, “feminine” trait. Instead it often manifests as confused sadness, depression, or self-hatred. I am still relatively new at expressing my anger and often wish to march into the churches that I know are spiritually abusive and braid myself a whip because WWJD am I right? I do know that this would get me arrested but because I was socialized to avoid anger and avoid rocking the boat I have a very hard time releasing my rage in a healthy way. If my emotions start to get too bottled up my anxiety can worsen severely. I am going to attempt to write more here and see if it functions as a good outlet.

I have also started releasing my anger in other ways. The other day when I learned of the Nashville shooting I sent a letter to my district representative and felt a lot of catharsis telling someone in power where they can stick it if I don’t see improvements. That’s something I could never do at my former church. I don’t have a lot of respect for Republicans but he was the only one who bothered to write me back even if it was kind of a stock response.

I have also started leaving comments whenever someone in my family posts misinformation or says something stupid on facebook and I think that it is not only hilarious but necessary. I have spent my life afraid to rock the boat for the sake of others even though my personal beliefs are very intense. Men don’t stop being sexist if women don’t tell them to shut up. Transphobes can speak as loud as they want if the people with common decency don’t speak louder. Racists can take over twitter if there aren’t enough catgirls to drown them out. Churches don’t stop using their idea of God to hurt people if certain former members don’t say something.

I am still weighing how I want to speak out. Something tells me a tumblr blog with four followers won’t get a lot of traction (but really though? four people saw my post? that is so cool!). My therapist has given me the contact information of a woman who was in an actual church cult and she wrote a whole book about that. I have been afraid to reach out because it will bring my feelings of hurt and betrayal to the surface again and I hate feeling the pain of loosing a dozen grandmothers, many siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, all of the people who said we were a family in Christ. I hate the feeling of having to reevaluate my entire belief system and parse out what is actually good and right versus what is church garbage that only the weird Protestant sects believe. There’s no starting fresh when you still love God and grew up steeped in the Bible like a sachet of black tea left by mistake. Oversteeped, bitter, and cold. Perhaps it is time to brew a new cup of tea.

Pt 2, Uncertainty

In order to try new things I began studying tarot and Christian mysticism. My old church would tell me the reason that tarot cards feel right and good in my hands is just the Devil trying to tempt me. I wonder what they would say if I said I don’t believe in the Devil the way they do.

I am enjoying my studies in mysticism and spiritualism because the way of experiencing the divine is so completely different from what I know. In many evangelical protestant churches an extensive knowledge of the Bible is encouraged because it is supposed to provide the answers we need to live, and the answers we need to give to other people about how they should live. Mysticism seems to be the exact opposite. Mysticism seems to venerate the divine unknown. There is a belief that if we were to experience God fully in this life, if we were to completely know what the divine wanted and what the divine truly was, that we would begin a sort of un-life because we are separated from the absolute glory of what we now know to be true. I think there is a lot of comfort in this belief even though it still scares me. Evangelical protestants have a very rigid belief system, prefer simple answers, and believe that the end of days will solve all of our problems so it better come quick. Try growing up and having a zest for life with that message blaring from the speakers.

Not knowing is something I am still getting used to. In my former life I “knew” tarot was “bad” and I “knew” that witches were “evil” and I “knew” that Catholics were “idol-worshippers and not real Christians.” Now I don’t know anything besides my anger, grief, and fearful curiosity. I don’t think people often think of me as someone who is a afraid of things because I am generally loud and friendly, but I am afraid of many things. Death, upsetting my family, heights, new people, teenagers walking in a group, war, water, finding water chestnuts in my Chinese food, ghosts. Most of all I fear uncertainty, which is why my faith used to be a balm.

My new faith scares me because I have no rulebooks or teachers. I have to hide my tarot decks from my mother and I have to question if a practice I learn about is cultural appropriation. I have to be patient and take my time. I watch youtube videos about other witches and I read so many books. I pray and sometimes it feels better than it used to but I still don’t know what its supposed to feel like. I get angry when I see members of my former church in public and I have to question how to deal with my rage when I have no outlet and I don’t want to be baneful. I hope to find others like me, others who are trying new things, others who want to experience both the world and the divine and find beauty in both. I hope there are others who are angry, and I hope they can help me figure out what to do with my rage. Most of all, I hope that I can one day find peace in my heart again.

If anyone has any good advice for me about anything from tarot to anger management, please write me a comment or DM me :)

And if you want to tell me that I am a sinful whore who dances naked in the moonlight with the Devil, then sure, I am, what are you going to do about it? Pray? Good luck.

#Christianity #christian witch #witchcraft #witch #tarot #ex fundamentalist #ex evangelical #mysticism

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