#asking if i can make it everyone else's problem too
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I can't tell if this person is saying that hw has been proven to be ineffective or that hw has not been researched to be effective. I'm not conceptually in favor of busy work. The best example of how hw can be done dynamically is khan academy. If you already know the subject it can take about 5 minutes to finish, if you don't, you could take up to an hour... of course, the biggest problem is for the "soft" subjects where we don't have an easy way to score it through a computer...
Ultimately, I think of hw as structured studying. There's very little pressure in elementary (at least in the US) to learn study tactics bc tests are crazy easy. I didn't feel challenged at anything until middle school. idk if hw really taught me to study, but it did kinda force me to study. I would arrogantly say I don't need to do hw in elementary and passed all the tests, I said the same thing in middle but didn't pass the tests. It was a tiny metric that could show progression.
Unfortunately, a lot of education is pomp and circumstance. I proposed once at our coding after school program that maybe it'd be more efficient to not make accounts for every kid when we do group stuff. The problem with that is that the parents might want to see their kid's progress, and if you don't have it saved then there is nothing to measure.
Even stuff like grades have some evidence of being bad for students... which I can kinda agree with when I heard the argument. Doing that would be an extreme upheaval of schools. But then we have to ask what school even is for. If you can't measure someone's ability, how do you know that they are qualified for a job? How do you know if the teachers are properly teaching? Grades aren't for students, they are for everyone else.
I agree that there had been too much at one point. There was a lot of discourse when I was in high school abot kids just can't even get proper sleep. I think I even did a presentation on it at some point and advocated that school should start later. I think some schools did shift, but only by half an hour. There was a lot of consensus on the data but it's hard to make every parent drop their kid off at 9 when their job starts at 9. Kids are primarily dropped off here and can't just use public transport. School Buses are also available here, but you have to get up earlier than the average student bc the bus is way slower.
I also don't know why this person's post says at the end like teachers think "it's the children who are wrong". Maybe sometimes, the rhetoric isn't properly placed and accidentally gets directed at the kids. It's more like I get mad at kids when I tell them "don't use AI" and they just go "fuck you you can't tell me what to do" I don't blame kids for using the "tool" that many adults are using around them, I blame AI companies, school districts, and parents. Almost every teacher I talked to has the same sentiment. I haven't worked super long, but most of th.
I think ultimately a majority of teachers nowadays have their heart in the right place. I remember a few really grumpy jaded teachers (maybe I'm that to some of these troublesome kids). It 's just so many systemic things. Like I said, data showed school should start around 9:30-10. Teachers agreed. The district couldn't possibly follow through on that. I can confiscate phones, but the more times parents sue the district, the more times those parents win lawsuits, the more the district has a chilling effect on confiscation. There are so so many problems just like with any industry. I get that from the outside you can say all you want that hw is bad, but it doesn't help. If I grade kids who use AI they will all pretty much have the same scores. Maybe not 100% but close to the same. If they put in college applications that A doesn't mean anything anymore your GPA can't be a metric for college or anything else. Maybe the students don't care about this or the parents, but society at large still does.
Ultimately, I'd be fine with getting rid of hw or substantially slimming it down. The problem is kids use AI IN the classroom. Then when does the learning happen?! Teaching can't operate if you never force them to think. They don't read the question they might as well not even know what class it is. Literally even typing out the question is gone bc ai bots can parse images now so they just take a picture and then handwrite the answer in front of me. I could give 0 hw or the most hw and all the kids would still get the same grades.... Idk .... again if I was a proper teacher (I'm only a sub rn) and I could just ignore all this other stuff, I might consider no HW. I'd maybe try it for a semester and see how they do. I've shifted a bit on that from talking to @greenflamethegf. But I probably need to fight tooth and nail for something that might just give me more of a headache. You'd be fighting the principal, every parent whose kids have good grades in other classes, every parent whose kids have bad grades in other classes, the district policy on curriculum standards (might need to check that one), and other teachers (the kids will complain to their other teachers that they shouldn't get hw bc I don't give it).
I know this is rambly. My apologies, I don't tumblr. Hope you enjoy the text wall I guess.
A couple of years ago we were all terribly concerned about the fact that a lot of American high schools are assigning such crushing homework loads that some kids literally don't have enough time to eat or sleep (and all this in spite of the fact that there's no good evidence that assigning homework actually improves academic outcomes at the pre-university level), but now we're hearing stories about those same schools struggling to stop kids from using ChatGPT to write their essays and suddenly It's The Children Who Are Wrong. Like, do you think maybe there's a certain level of cause and effect in play here?
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I have about 10k of fic that's about as far from SVSSS as I've ever written, taking greater inspiration from fics I've written before, which I've been using as writing warm-up. It's a pre-canon third transmigrator AU from the outsider's perspective of Linguang-Jun. (Linguang-Jun having a great reputation as a hunter is something that I originally came up with for the Stardust AU.)
Like SVSSS Mobei-Jun, Linguang-Jun is fun to write because he sucks pretty bad; it's a LOT of fun to try and write a setup for him that's going to explode eventually (not yet, but eventually, inevitably) and in a specific way. How many parallels can I draw? I think it's amusing to think about how the cringefail ballad of Moshang and all the rest of SVSSS is taking place in the crater where Linguang-Jun's dreams used to be. (That happened to my buddy Tianlang-Jun, too, now that I'm thinking about it, and he decided to make that everyone else's problem.) Such is the life of a mere background character!
I don't know when I'll be posting this to AO3. I don't like to post WIP there unless I can fully focus on them. If I don't continue this story, I'll post it eventually to AO3 as an open-ended one-shot or something. But for now... Enjoy!
Warning for minor character death and graphic violence (and vomiting) in the first part, and also unpleasant demonic attitudes to things. Everyone but Linguang-Jun is an OC.
Chapter One: A God's Spear
There is no greater feeling in the world than the long thrill of the hunt.
Chasing their prey, they become the laughing winds rushing across the yellow steppes, howling at the heels of the thundering herds, even felling centuries-old pines that have bent for every natural storm but never broken before. They send corpse after corpse of scavengers squawking and flailing for their lives.
Mobei Yang cannot wait to sink his teeth into the monster wrecking its way across the northern kingdoms. They are chasing a Giant Sea Heron... or rather: the creature that used to be one before it met a hole in the world. Did it breathe the poisonous gases too deeply? Did it feed on the vent's escapees too hungrily? Did it become mesmerized by the shimmering chaotic energy and allow itself to dream where reality itself is torn apart?
Who knows? Who cares? Mobei Yang's lordly brother doubtlessly hadn't cared to ask the babbling messenger either, before waving the lesser demon on to younger men who can truly appreciate the unique challenges of what an unstable Abyssal gateway can create.
Already two times the height of a large man, the creature has swelled in size to become twice as large as that. Its brown neck has thickened, its dark head has grown a sharp and lopsided crest, and its unnaturally elongated beak is now the same size as the rest of its body, perhaps, a god's spear capable of swallowing grown demons whole. The giant creature needs its folded, white wings to walk along the ground now, almost like a large monkey or a small bat, but it struts slowly along not unlike a long-necked antelope.
All the Giant Sea Heron does now is eat: struggling to grow, struggling to sustain its growth, struggling to fill the endless hole that's crawled inside of its core. It has left a bloody, dissatisfied trail behind it. Which the breathless messenger claimed had started with its own former mate and eggs, the messy remains found abandoned in a nest on a high sea cliff.
The giant creature looks so heavy, lumbering awkwardly around the corpse of a Black-Moon Rhinoceros - the crescent of the horn is unmistakable - to jab its long spear back into the dark guts and yank it apart. Ah, it's picking one of those parasitic snake demons out of the body.
Its eyes have become enormous, bulbous; they have a sickly pale color and are rimmed with mucus. Abyss-touched creatures are often sick, like Abyssal creatures themselves are often blinded by sunlight. The giant creature doesn't seem to notice anything as a brown fox darts out of the tall grass and steals a piece of the kill that had been tossed aside, nor does it care anything for the circling black vultures that aren't yet nearly so brave.
Just looking at it, one wouldn't think that the elephantine creature is still hollow-boned enough to fly! Yet when their hunting party ambushes it, the giant creature somehow vaults itself into the sky, folding hideously in on itself and then launching upwards in an ascension even more unnatural than a human's.
Mobei Yang watches its heavy wingbeats take it high up into the heavenly clouds, beyond the easy reach of most demons. All of their hunting prowess, all of the joy they have spilled on their skill, leaves them with nothing today. But this is nothing! When his faithful followers look anxiously towards him for direction, Mobei Yang is the first to laugh at their failure, at the renewed challenge, and they soon echo him.
"Any excuse to extend a hunt is a cause for celebration!" Mobei Yang shouts, receiving a gleeful roar in response. "If you want a meal that doesn't fight back, then go back to the Ice Palace, cowards!"
They don't find it again that day, but the mood is still good when they make camp, freed from the dullness of the courts. At home, Mobei Yang is a prince, sought after and respected, but also one among many formidable clan members working to keep his elder brother's favor. On the hunt like this, he might as well be the Lord of the Northern Desert already.
The wind picks up as the sun sinks. The clouds darken and writhe against a beautiful, burning sky. Shuang Tao, his right-hand, a frost wind demon, loudly and laughingly recalls some of their best kills, their most daring and reckless feats, over the years. A blur of memories now.
Mobei Yang knows a great deal about the habits of hunted creatures, but this one is new, even before it became the only thing in the world like it. Weak-minded creatures and demons touched by the Endless Abyss tend to go uselessly mad: short memories and shorter tempers and a thin grasp on reality if any. He's hunted Emperors of the Abyss before, those malformed masses of demonic energy that die with every step they take out of their pits, and White Sea Whales, their clever and vindictive cousins that never took man-shaped forms.
"I'm preparing myself for disappointment, really," Mobei Yang drawls, accepting a new cup of wine. "But ahhh, that skull will look beautiful in the West Wind Palace... hanging over the hall, I think."
As they were watching the ruined creature, it must have seen them. It must have been watching them as well. In one moment, Shuang Tao is toasting the evening and tomorrow and every hunt after. In the next moment, the setting sun vanishes all at once, as the Giant Sea Heron falls on them like the wrath of the heavens.
Its enormous beak spears through a demon before it lands with a heavy thump, before any of them know it's there, and a second demon rolls away from the continuing jab. Not fast enough to escape the sharp drawing of blood.
The Giant Sea Heron's massive wings crash through the camp as it lands. Mobei Yang is knocked head over heels into the grass and dust. His wine spills everywhere.
Mobei Yang rolls with the blow and recovers quickly, unharmed, of course. And he is the first to summon his weapon and strike back, hastily followed by his hunters, but the creature is well-fed, unflinching, faster than something of its size should be, lunging like a snake.
Its spiritual energy is unleashed with its battering wings: it's foul, rotting, almost overwhelming. Ice spears and arrows don't seem to pierce its feathers at all. Hastily formed spells break easily against the burn of its spiritual strength.
Shuang Tao throws an ordinary spear, whistling with the wind behind it, and manages to draw blood from its featherless leg. But the wound is glancing, a shallow cut in surprisingly thick skin.
"Mire it!" Mobei Yang shouts, summoning ice around its feet. The ice is too weak, too slow, cracking open immediately.
He dodges its long beak, its heavy wings, its beak again. It seems fixated on him more than the others - not uncommon when dealing with spiritually starving creatures, it wants the most meal - but it still gets distracted when another hunter tries to rope its wing. It pulls on the wing up sharply, pulls the unready hunter into the air, and then spears the weak demon through with its long beak.
It's much cleverer than Mobei Yang thought that it was. Much stronger. Not clever enough to live, but still annoying, still thrilling, still enough to bare one's teeth.
Mobei Yang dances towards Shuang Tao's fallen spear, flips it up with his foot, catches, and then launches it towards the creature's swirling eye.
His aim is true! Of course! The Giant Sea Heron screeches and thrashes like a dying thing, but the spear clearly doesn't punch deeply enough to hit its brain. The spear falls out in the thrashing. Messily.
The remaining ten hunters have formed a circle around the Giant Sea Heron, ready just out of easy reach, making it more difficult to kill them all quickly. One of the other hunters makes a second spear-throw for the other eye, not nearly so beautifully. The creature ducks blindness easily and screeches. Its raised feathers crackle with resentful energy.
Mobei Yang can see it decide to flee. Maybe they're much stronger and cleverer than the creature thought they were too.
The Giant Sea Heron goes down and tries to launch itself upwards, only to go nowhere, to stumble, to barely keep itself upright. The summoned ice they've been throwing at its feet has easily been cracked and crushed, but the water remains, and it has been skillfully manipulated by the likes of Heng Leyang and Xi Mingzhu.
The water demons have made a mud pit and the Giant Sea Heron's thrashing has only sunk it deeper into the trap. The half-frozen mud is harder to break.
The creature's rotten energy rises, bubbles, and then it screeches again, disorienting in its sheer loudness, its hatred and desperation rippling through the air. Most of the hunters cover their ears and it helps very little. The unnatural sound shakes through one's entire body. The first terrible screech is still rippling through the world when the next begins.
Such venting of power can't be sustainable, but the unnatural screeching makes the battle wretched while it lasts.
Mobei Yang becomes the black wind around the spearing beak, then twists away to attack this ruined creature, repeatedly. But shifting forms burns under the onslaught of spiritual energy. The hatefulness of it even disrupts him once, forcing him to become solid flesh again, and dodge as an ordinary demon might to avoid a raking of freed talons.
It's hard work keeping the creature down, baiting it this way and that, keeping out of its deadly reach. They pick and they peck, but none of them are certain how to put this Giant Sea Heron down. The Endless Abyss has made a remarkable ruin here.
Shuang Tao's young nephew, Shuang Qiang, keeps looking towards Mobei Yang with wide, expectant eyes. This is the young frost wind demon's first hunt with this royal party. Does he expect a retreat to be called here? Does he think that the spoiled, weaker, younger prince will go running back to his lordly brother now, swallowing his pride, begging for help? Mobei Yang has never surrendered in such a way and never will while he lives.
If a creature can bleed, it can die. Through the ruined eye again might do it...
Mobei Yang isn't certain how long it's been when a new hunting party appears, but the dying sun hasn't fully drowned yet. They must be local demons, summoned by the screeching or the spiritual rot.
"They'll get in our way! Keep them back!" Mobei Yang snarls at Shuang Tao, who nods and turns to his nephew.
He doesn't need assistance. Ordinarily, he might appreciate an audience, but this battle is slipping from fascinating to frustrating.
Out of the corner of his eye, Mobei Yang tracks young Shuang Qiang's progress. The leader of the newcomers, a rock demon by the look of him, greets their messenger with an ally's gesture. Rather than charge in recklessly, they keep their distance atop the hill.
Most of them.
While trying to keep the Giant Sea Heron's feet frozen down, Mobei Yang sees a smaller figure break forward from the new hunting party. Shuang Qiang lunges to catch them and... misses? He shouldn't have missed. The figure running forward obviously isn't as fast or as nimble as Shuang Tao's nephew.
One of the Hao brothers notices and also tries to grab the intruder, his hand should easily wrap around their spear, and yet... he also somehow fails. An illusion wind demon is fast and not easily fooled, but the Hao brother stumbles as though his hand didn't touch anything at all.
Shuang Tao lurches to intervene and Mobei Yang whips an ice spear in front of his second's middle. "Wait," he orders, "I want to see this."
The Giant Sea Heron fixes the approaching figure in its one eye and then spears its enormous beak forward. It should split the intruder, crush them. The enormous creature is faster than this fool.
The intruder disappears. Mobei Yang isn't sure what happens. The figure's own shadow seemed to leap up to swallow them, or they fell down into it, and the blood-stained beak spears down on nothing. There was no noticeable burst of new spiritual energy. Nothing that could be sensed above the Giant Sea Heron's rotting wrath, at least.
The Giant Sea Heron tilts its head in obvious confusion. It screeches its unhappiness again, much to everyone else's misery, before... the ruined creature jolts and abruptly cuts itself off.
"How...?" Shuang Tao says. "On its back?"
"What terrible posture," Mobei Yang remarks, too surprised to put the proper dryness into it.
The disappearing intruder has somehow reappeared on the giant creature's back, struggling for balance. Despite their slowness, despite their obvious lack of strength, the shadowy figure somehow manages to drive their spear through the creature's long, feathered neck in a single thrust. Mobei Yang sees the spear tip come out the other side.
The Giant Sea Heron thrashes wildly to dislodge its attacker. When it tries to screech again, the high shriek quickly dies off into a gurgle of dark blood.
At first, the disappearing intruder clings to their spear like a tied rag, but they fall off within seconds and then vanish again.
Where they go, Mobei Yang doesn't care. While the giant creature is distracted, he becomes the black wind again and rushes forward to take their place, to put solid hands on the embedded spear, then to push all of the wrath of a noble ice demon into this critical weak point.
The ruined creature's neck explodes in a shower of ice, spiritual energy, blood, and no small amount of feathers. The severed head hits the ground with a heavy thump before the body finally topples over in an ungainly heap of wings.
Mobei Yang rides the collapse down easily. Then he jumps off the body, still holding half of the broken spear in his hand, and looks the weapon over. The shaft is ordinary wood. As he felt when he pushed his spiritual energy into it, the spearhead at his foot appears to be without spell or even decoration. This spear should not have been able to pierce such a creature's throat with such singular ease.
Some of his hunters are whooping with victory, with relief, but Mobei Yang is distracted away from their celebration of him by a stranger stepping audaciously in front of him. A... teenage boy?
This demon is a full head shorter than Mobei Yang, which puts them at a taller than average height among most other demons, and their pale face seems young. They're plump like a seal, with large, dark eyes. They have no painted marks or tattoos. Their dark hair is cut shockingly short, close to their head, just long enough to flop over furrowed brows.
Instead of paying the rightful attention and respect to a prince, the boy is frowning at the broken spear, and first crouches down to pick up the spearhead. Like Mobei Yang, the boy is wearing a fair amount of spilled blood. He must have been close.
The boy stands up again and looks up with those big, seal-dark eyes. "Hurt?"
Mobei Yang doesn't understand the word at first, so poorly pronounced, so heavily accented. The boy squints at him, looks him up and down.
"H-help?"
As though Mobei Yang didn't just kill the creature that this boy failed to finish. The boy's eyes are already drifting disrespectfully away to one of the dead hunters, partially crushed in the battle, a gruesome but unsurprising sight. Such is life, as they say, such is death.
One would think so, at least, except that this boy's face turns sickly and he looks hastily away. His body jerks, a hand goes over his mouth, he jerks again, pauses, and then turns away from Mobei Yang completely to vomit on the ground.
It's not often that Mobei Yang finds himself at a loss for words. The overwhelmed awe that he often inspires in lesser demons usually doesn't realize itself so unintelligibly or pathetically as this.
"Please, do contain your excitement," Mobei Yang says.
The boy squints up at him, teary-eyed, only to immediately start gagging again. He holds out a hand, apparently trying to cover up the offending sights.
"How dare you behave so disrespectfully before a prince!" says one of the nearby hunters, Junjun, a mountain wind demon. "Don't you know who this is?!"
The boy flinches away from this looming defense, staring warily up at Junjun without any sign of understanding.
"I don't think he does," Mobei Yang says dryly.
Unfortunately, Junjun takes this as introductions being in order. "This is the greatest hunter in the Demon Realm! A prince of the ancient rulers of the northern kingdoms, the Northern Desert Clan! The only living brother of the great Mobei-Jun! Linguang-Jun!"
"Yes, yes, thank you."
The boy looks between them, turning the spearhead over in his hands again and again, hunching his shoulders. "Sorry," he says, bowing slightly, once to Mobei Yang and twice to Junjun, all equally shallow. "Sorry. Sorry."
And then, further proving his lack of understanding, the boy turns on his heel and runs away. It's so shamelessly cowardly that Mobei Yang laughs.
"Stop him!" Mobei Yang calls out to the hunter ahead. "If you can."
It's one of the Hao brothers, his expression immediately determined. Expecting slippery prey, the hunter should have little trouble; they're all used to disrupting disappearing tricks with their own spiritual energy, all of them practiced at wrestling opponents back into solid forms.
Mobei Yang is surprised again when the flinching boy slips into his own shadow and then appears on the hunter's other side.
The Hao brother is enraged, of course, which is at least amusing. The hunter roars and chases after the slow boy, who stumbles, looking over his shoulder with wide eyes, and then vanishes again. The boy reappears and disappears a few times on his way back up the hill. The Hao brother catches him once, only for the boy to apparently melt away in the hunter's hands, despite an obvious attempt to use spiritual energy to disrupt the escape.
"Enough of that!" Mobei Yang decides, when the comedic pair are too close to the other hunting party. "Stop playing with your prey and come back here!"
The Hao brother stomps back to join the other surviving hunters, gathering behind Mobei Yang. The newcomers whom Shuang Tao is escorting forward hardly seem fearsome, but appearances do matter. Mobei Yang looks best when he looks better than someone else.
The boy skirts wide around Shuang Tao and dives back into the party of newcomers, which... doesn't seem to welcome him back with any enthusiasm. Like larger beasts dutifully making way for some tiny but venomous creature. The boy lurks behind the rock demon leader, peeking out warily, like a plump little seal sticking its snout of the ice.
The rock demon leader is a large fellow, a little taller than Mobei Yang himself, fat and strong. Far more grim than handsome. A stone that ice could crack open without much difficulty, Mobei Yang is sure.
"Greetings and welcome, Linguang-Jun," rumbles the rock demon.
"This is Bocheng, the next clan leader of the Flying Mountain Clan," Shuang Tao offers. "Sworn to the Northern Desert Clan, of course, and at our service."
Bocheng the rock demon appears less than pleased by his required obeisance, but Mobei Yang doesn't care much if some backwater warrior hates the fact that he has a king. So long as all due respect is shown to the future Mobei-Jun.
"And who is that?" Mobei Yang gestures vaguely behind the rock demon.
Shan Bocheng the rock demon's frown deepens. Some of the others step plainly away from their leader and the coward, so unwilling to shelter the boy from their superiors, even though demon children are supposedly all precious creatures. Sighing, the rock demon pulls the boy up beside him. His massive hand spreads across the mulish boy's back and touches those hunched shoulders with no trouble.
"You introduced yourself to my hunting party so audaciously before," Mobei Yang observes. "You truly do have trouble finishing a job, hm?"
The boy looks around miserably. It's like watching some pitiful sea creature try to crawl back inside its shell.
"He wants to know your name," Bocheng says to the boy, with the slowness that one might offer to a particularly stupid baby. "Name. Naaaaame."
Mobei Yang can see the way that the boy's eyes light up, before he bows again, deeper this time, and stays there.
"Beida Wan," he says. "Sorry. I... sorry. Sorry."
"That's a rather long name. So unique. Not very lucky, though," Mobei Yang says. Shuang Tao laughs, while some of the other hunters chuckle.
"Sorry," the boy says again. "I... help."
Bocheng the rock demon sighs again. The mauling of each word suggests another language, but none of these other clan members are stepping forward to offer their translation services.
"Does he not speak Tongyu or Beiyu?" Mobei Yang can also follow the whispered conversation between two of the newly come wind demons, but there's no need to enlighten them of that yet.
"No, we don't know what language he speaks," the rock demon says. "We don't know where he's from."
"He just appeared one day and now he won't leave," complains a young water demon. "Because he saved Bocheng's life somehow, more or less, we can't just-"
"Yubo, shut up," says the rock demon.
"He really didn't know who he was interrupting," the young water demon insists. "Still doesn't. Stupid."
"Let's hear this mysterious mother tongue," Mobei Yang decides. "Perhaps I or one of my faithful followers, worldly warriors that we are, will recognize a few words of it. Say something, boy."
When everyone turns their eyes onto him again, the boy once more tries to shrink into a shell that isn't there. It takes some more prodding from the rock demon to get the confused, then annoyed boy to produce more than one word at a time.
"Whadda fuckayou wan' fro'me?"
Mobei Yang looks at Shuang Tao, who shrugs unhelpfully, and none of his other hunters step forward. There are many isolated languages and wretched dialects across the Demon Realm alone, but Mobei Yang doesn't even recognize the general sound of this one. It's very flat.
"You must be a very long way from home," Mobei Yang says finally.
The boy doesn't answer. He doesn't seem to understand the statement at all, squinting helplessly before taking shelter again behind the rock demon.
Mobei Yang is distracted then by more conventional affairs. The locals had apparently been watching this destructive creature and had been preparing to kill it themselves, and so now must at least pretend to be grateful that their superiors arrived to defend them. Tradition and respect also demand that these lowly demons make an offer of hospitality.
Some of his hunters are injured, two are dead, so arrangements must be made. Mobei Yang graciously accepts the hospitality outwardly, while inwardly accepting that there will be some trouble from his mother's family for even briefly associating with one of their many rivals, which is exactly what he'd wished to avoid when they set up their now-ruined camp instead of seeking shelter. Perhaps if he does his hosts sufficient damage during his stay, subtly of course, the familial moaning and groaning will be minimal.
While Shuang Tao negotiates with the locals regarding the Giant Sea Heron's curse, Mobei Yang studies the intruder again. The Beida boy is staring at the sky, occasionally swallowing retching. He's been staying close to the rock demon like a little fly. How does someone with such obviously poor cultivation have such remarkable abilities?
In his mysterious language, the boy mumbles to no one: "Didwe jus' killa fuckin' pterosaur...?" Utterly unintelligible.
Beida Wan is cultivated enough that he eventually notices Mobei Yang watching him. He stares back, at first, his brow furrowed, and then shuffles to hide behind their shared host again.
Chapter Two: The Wind Demoness
That night, under the silver moonlight, Mobei Yang has his heart suddenly and ruthlessly stolen from him.
The Flying Mountain Clan's fortress is built on and into a tall hill, the foundational stonework not unimpressive, presumably the work of several generations of rock demons. Of the many villagers still awake to greet them, Mobei Yang takes note of the mixture of rock and wind, with some noticeable brides of ice or water, some less distinguishable types, and some here and there of the animal kinds. It's all very rustic and quaint. Very homely.
Mobei Yang is being led to the crown of the fortress in the hill, where rests the clan leader's home and his temporary accommodations. Most of his other hunters will be scattered around the other better residences in this place.
"Oh, when we heard that monstrous screeching, I didn't dare to dream that your hunting would bring back such a handsome trophy. You are most welcome to our humble home, Linguang-Jun!"
Mobei Yang looks away from a weathered stone carving of rampaging Red River Horses and up to the speaker standing on a stone ledge. His breath abandons him, as though plucked out of his lungs by fine and clever fingers, as though beaten from his chest in a single, mighty blow, and his unguarded heart is carried out along with it. Looking down upon him, veiled in moonlight, is perhaps the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. Peerless.
He is not, let it be said clearly, a stranger to beautiful women. This demoness is tall, broad-shouldered, and her pale skin glows like untouched snow under the moonlight. Her finely beaded dress glitters faintly as she moves and bares most of her stunningly long legs, which have all the hardness and thickness of a powerful runner, the pride of any wind demon. She's wearing long, complicated braids in richly black hair. With a smile of such pretty fangs, she should be wearing pearls and jewels, instead of merely metal bells and ivory. Her pale gray eyes glow nearly as bright as the moon behind her.
"We have not had a noble demon lord grace us with his presence in too long! If only I had been given time to prepare for you, Linguang-Jun... Days! A month! A year! We can only hope to meet some of your princely expectations..."
"All of my expectations when it comes to enjoying my stay have already been effortlessly succeeded," Mobei Yang promises.
This demoness's indulgent laugh is like the sweetest of songs. He desperately wishes that he wasn't covered in both dust and dried blood for such a fortuitous meeting. Fate can be so cruel.
"My only disappointment is that we haven't met before," Mobei Yang continues. "Oh calamity, have you been busy battling the heavens for daring to outshine them?"
"No, for they must be arguing over who among them has to face you in battle, Linguang-Jun, for such a wicked tongue," the laughing demoness answers, her smile wolfish in its wideness. "But the little human gods are welcome to come when they are ready."
"What handsome trophies that hunt would make," Mobei Yang agrees. "Far more worthy of such a wonderful hostess... whose generosity may also, I hope, extend to her name...?"
"Xiang Ningyue, the only child of Clan Leader Xiang Peng."
Before Mobei Yang can remark that her mother must have been the moon itself, that grim-faced rock demon steps forward, pulling that strange, stumbling boy ahead of him again. It's understandable that the local demons wouldn't enjoy seeing their greatest beauty be so appreciated, but the interruption is nevertheless annoying.
"Wife," says Shan Bocheng the rock demon. "Beida Wan needs to be washed. I'll see you it that our honored guests are given baths as well."
Mobei Yang closes his mouth.
Wife? Wife?!
Xiang Ningyue, the most beautiful woman in the world, lets out a soft moan when she sees the boy covered in blood. "Oh, what did you do to yourself now?"
Beida Wan frowns up at her and predictably says nothing, still trying to fold himself away into the protective shell that he doesn't have. When Xiang Ningyue sighs and gestures for him to come closer, he shuffles forward without any apparent appreciation for the privilege.
"You're not coming back into our home looking like this! How am I supposed to-? Oh, fine! Fine!"
Xiang Ningyue apologizes sweetly to them for this, before throwing out an impressive array of orders towards her husband, their servants, her clansmen, and her clansmen's own servants, as confident and as impatient as a whirlwind. Mobei Yang is still mildly stunned and nauseated when she drags the strange boy off.
"...If I had such a wife, I wouldn't dare introduce her to any higher demon," Mobei Yang murmurs to Shuang Tao, who snorts in agreement.
"She seems very willing to be stolen."
"Mmm, clearly this pile of rocks is a little more interesting than previously known."
A cold bath is most refreshing, even if the following meals are hasty and unbefitting of their stations: some lamb and vegetable stew, which is at least well-spiced. The accompanying wine is tolerable.
While eating, Mobei Yang and his attending hunters suffer through a long and dull conversation with the elderly wind demon clan leader, the beautiful Xiang Ningyue's father, and Shan Bocheng, who is apparently the clan leader's most fortunate son-in-law. Mobei Yang wants the Giant Sea Heron's head for himself, that marvelously misshapen skull with its god's spear of a beak will look good mounted somewhere, but he doesn't much care what the locals do with the rest of the monster's awkward corpse.
Xiang Ningyue rejoins them at this point, with the Beida boy slinking in behind her. The Beida boy's new clothes are less plain than before, but still oversized, now obviously borrowed, beaded and embroidered with the vibrant greens, yellows, and blues that this clan seems to favor. Very modest. The short, wet hair ruins any chance of dignity, sticking out at odd angles like an overgrown tuft of grass, partially covering the boy's eyes.
Beida Wan is sat in the corner of the room with a bowl of stew, which he eats silently and slowly. Mobei Yang has relatives who have been poisoned who regard their meals with less disgruntled suspicion, and he says as much to the beautiful Xiang Ningyue, who laughs in her delightful manner once more.
Xiang Ningyue's rock demon husband's glaring misery is quite delightful too, while his guests strive to make his beautiful wife cackle and preen, and so Mobei Yang doesn't call for the strange boy to be brought over to sit with them. He forgets Beida Wan almost entirely, until the boy becomes relevant in his retelling of their Giant Sea Heron hunt.
"Trying to steal a kill from Linguang-Jun!" Xiang Ningyue laughs. "If I didn't already know that our dear guest Beida Wan is stupid, that would make it clear! How insulting! To think that you would need any help from someone like them..."
"I can generously forgive our glorious battle being cut short if it brought me to such wonderful company all the sooner," Mobei Yang promises.
When he looks over one or Xiang Ningyue's fine, broad shoulders, he sees that the strange demon in question is watching everyone very intently. Perhaps Beida Wan heard his name, obviously listening, head tilted shamelessly.
"Perhaps a little more strength behind that killing blow next time, hm?!" Mobei Yang calls across the room.
Beside him, Shuang Tao cackles drunkenly, and his other present hunters laugh and toast the stupidity and audacity of youth. The present locals join in. Except for Bocheng the rock demon, of course, though he doesn't move to defend the little fly that was clinging to him earlier.
Beida Wan looks around at all of them, black-faced, even though there is an embarassing red flush crawling up his face. When he finally comes back to meet Mobei Yang's gaze, he bobs his head, neither quite a nod or a bow, and then stares determinedly at the floor, picking clawlessly at the beads of his trousers.
Xiang Ningyue sighs dramatically. "We've been trying to teach Beida to speak some Tongyu these past few weeks, but it's hard work! The only thing that's flatter and more useless than this demon's ears is their tongue..."
"Does anyone in your clan have a map that this stranger can at least point at?" Shuang Tao leans forward to ask. "Or does he not know his homeland's geography?"
Xiang Ningyue sighs even more dramatically. "He just stares at it for far, far too long and says, 'No.' Sometimes, he even shrugs!"
"Does he perhaps... not want to go home, do you think?" Mobei Yang asks. "A remarkably slow runaway? A rather unfortunate fortune-seeker?"
"Can he read Tongyu?" Shuang Tao asks.
"I don't know why Beida would have run away from home, because this demon was clearly spoiled!" Xiang Ningyue complains. "No, they can't read any Tongyu either. They just scribble ugly nonsense characters into the dirt. They claim to be twenty-five years old, if you can believe it! But they're even more useless than a child when it comes to most things!"
"Claims to be twenty-five?" Shuang Tao presses. "Does he know numbers or is he just counting tallies in the dirt?"
"Beida can count up to ten using real numbers now," Xiang Ningyue explains, with a nod towards the latter option. "But laundry? Spinning, weaving, building, carving, braiding, cooking... They're such a picky eater, you wouldn't believe it! All useless! So useless! "
Mobei Yang doesn't do many of those things either, but he can at least feed himself. "You're as generous as you are lovely to have taken such a useless demon into your household," he promises.
"I know!"
"Truly magnanimous."
"At least they're an obedient learner," Xiang Ningyue says, finishing her second cup of wine. "Beida can count on their fingers and make stupid gestures in a way that's almost clever... but it's hard to believe that they're supposed to be older than I am! This demon really should be dead!"
"Wife," her husband says reproachfully.
"Where did you find him?" Shuang Tao asks, ignoring the rock demon.
Xiang Ningyue either can't keep a secret or there isn't one to be kept. "We think that they fell out of the Endless Abyss."
"Beida can't explain anything yet," says Shan Bocheng the rock demon, as if trying to remind his loose-lipped wife of something. "We don't know anything."
"The Endless Abyss," Mobei Yang repeats, rubbing his chin. "Well, he's not like any Emperor of the Abyss that I've ever seen spawned in those depths before. He's much too small."
Xiang Ningyue cackles again, as does Shuang Tao, and Mobei Yang smiles and studies the stranger again.
A powerful warrior might go into the Endless Abyss to test their own strength, to prove themselves, but Beida Wan is much too cowardly to be an adventurer.
Weaker demons will seek out the more stable gates into that hellish realm, the openings the least likely to tear them apart, and seek treasure or rare ingredients. One does have to be clever and slippery to survive such expeditions.
Abyssal openings, natural or summoned, often take victims who stray too close. Some are taken when the hole in the world reacts somehow to the spiritual energy of a living creature. Others get snagged and dragged through by lurking creatures, which often can't live long outside of the Endless Abyss, but are eager for easy prey. The Giant Sea Heron killed today is the least of what the Endless Abyss can do to the things that it swallows.
Some who are taken by the Endless Abyss manage to break free again. But most weaker demons don't survive such places physically or mentally whole. Especially not picky eaters.
Even Mobei Yang doesn't hunt often in the Endless Abyss. His expeditions there last no longer than a few days, typically, and only through the most stable guards, better armed and armored than he is now. The lack of sunlight may be reminiscent of northern winters, but the sheer heat of some areas can be atrocious.
"I think that Beida used to be-"
"Wife," the rock demon says again.
"I think," Xiang Ningyue repeats louder than before, "that little Beida used to be human."
"Human!" shouts Shuang Qiang, the nephew of Shuang Tao, now looking at Beida Wan as though the demon might be diseased. "That's a human?!"
"Well, not anymore, clearly," Shuang Tao says dryly. His nephew looks alarmed by the prospect of transformation.
"Calm down, it's not catching," Mobei Yang reminds the other demons. "I hope." He sets his drink down, as the flavor seems to have gone off. "...That thing isn't one of those dream demon puppets is it? One of those artificial demons?"
"Wife," the rock demon groans.
"Dream demons tend to sign their work," Shuang Tao muses.
"Well, yes, they're all narcissistic, everyone knows that," Mobei Yang agrees. "The boy is covering quite a lot of skin..."
"But what would be the point of pretending not to speak Tongyu? Any grandmother knows how to check for possession! At least most types of possession..."
"Beida is not possessed," says the rock demon. "We checked. We don't know that Beida was ever human."
"I do," Xiang Ningyue says loftily. "You just don't like that a human saved your life! She saved my husband, so I spend more time with Beida than anyone, and I'm telling you: no killing instinct! None!"
"That seems against their efforts to interrupt our hunt," Mobei Yang says mildly.
"Oh, Beida will kill if you make them, just like they'll help with the butchering, but they're not any good at it," Xiang Ningyue says, nodding. "They'll run in to help, but they don't fight."
"What does that mean?" young Shuang Qiang asks.
"Won't scratch at anyone!" Xiang Ningyue says, listing offenses off on her claws. "Won't even snarl! Won't hit! Won't even willingly take a hit! Not for fun, not for position, not for pride. Beida will run away from any fight, every time, and it makes all the boys and girls so badly behaved."
"I've never known any demon youth to be able to resist a soft target," Mobei Yang agrees. "Our storytelling hostess, do indulge us, how exactly did your clan find this strange demon?"
Xiang Ningyue lights up. The story isn't complicated, but it is enthusiastically told by the wind demoness: their hunting party was attacked by an Abyss-touched Sword-Toothed Tiger and her husband was injured in the ambush. Their hunting party had been, for nearly a full day by that point, followed by a stranger who had eluded all attempts to catch them, Beida Wan. Shan Bocheng insists that this distraction was the only reason that the Sword-Toothed Tiger managed to surprise him.
To everyone's surprise, the cowardly stranger had rushed in at the last moment to assist Shan Bocheng. "Beida somehow put a stick up through the creature's jaw and into its brain," Xiang Ningyue says with an illustrative jab.
"Without injury?" Mobei Yang asks. Sword-Toothed Tigers generally didn't simply let one approach.
"Without injury! Owing such a debt, we of course had to take in this poor thing in, especially because Beida followed us home anyway." Xiang Ningyue sighs and says begrudgingly, "Beida does try. A real servant's heart, this demon has."
As the wind demoness describes nursing her husband back to full strength, her vivaciousness does... falter. Briefly. Her lip wobbles as she mentions how worried she was. She and the rock demon are, according to her, childhood sweethearts, born in the same month only twenty years ago, and there may be genuine fondness between the young couple.
How annoying. Sunk in a comfortably pool of drunkenness, Mobei Yang falls asleep that night wondering how one might lure such a beautiful demoness away from her marriage and her clan.
One cannot simply kidnap a woman on a whim. One has to plan these things.
He's more powerful than some backwater rock demon, of course, far more handsome, and far richer. His lordly brother even gifted him the Northern Desert's magnificent West Wind Palace as soon as he came of age! He can cover Xiang Ningyue in as many real jewels and rare bones as she likes! And when his childless, elderly brother finally passes, Mobei Yang will inevitably inherit all of his ancestral strength and become Mobei-Jun himself, and his lucky wife will have all of the Northern Desert at her whims.
He certainly wouldn't make his peerless queen share her home with some strange, lost creature who can't speak and won't even fight for themself, neither a servant nor a second spouse... Though, what else does one do when a life debt is owed to such a wretched demon? Too publically to honorably ignore? Mobei Yang falls asleep still wondering.
Chapter Three: A Clever Trick
The land upon which the Flying Mountain Clan lives belongs to the Northern Desert Clan by conquest, so upon them, Mobei Yang and his hunters cannot impose. Mobei Yang takes advantage of this obligatory hospitality by declaring that they will linger in this fortress for several days, until all injuries are mended and all corpses are tended to.
"We'll have a real feast tonight!" Xiang Ningyue declares, swirling in excitement, looking out over her little queendom. "With singing and playing for the great hunters! And dancing! There are no more beautiful dancers in all the world than wind demons!"
"Oh? You know, I've seen many wind demon dances before," Mobei Yang replies.
The blood of the Northern Desert Clan dominates, but his mother was from the Black Wind Clan and they play on that connecting string often, trying to get Mobei Yang to dance for them where they can.
"It seems like every dancer of skill has been summoned to the Ice Palace over the years," Mobei Yang continues. His elder brother is very, very fond of dancers. "I think I've seen everything by now."
Xiang Ningyue smiles with all of her teeth. "You haven't yet seen me," she promises shamelessly.
Mobei Yang laughs. "I haven't seen anyone like you before," he agrees. "You're a calamity."
Before he can decide whether or not to get closer, to risk being scratched, a familiar figure plants itself beside them.
"Mistress Ningyue," Beida Wan says.
Mobei Yang sighs. "I thought you said that this demon didn't enjoy tasks such as butchering prey? He makes such a mess of your lovely name."
Xiang Ningyue cackles, her initial annoyance melting away. "I did say that Beida was bad at everything!"
Beida Wan looks back and forth between them warily. Away from their hosts, Shuang Tao has suggested that the strange boy may be some kind of ridiculous spy, but even Mobei Yang's second can't seem to believe his own suggestion.
With great effort, the boy says, "Cook... say... help. Mistress Ningyue help?"
Mobei Yang wonders if the rock demon sent the boy as interference, given that the boy clearly doesn't know better than to get between his betters and their prey.
"That nasty old cook did not say, 'Help,'" Xiang Ningyue says, but she seems amused.
"Help," Beida Wan repeats firmly. "Help! Help!" The boy waves his hands back and forth slightly, a mockery of flailing panic. "Help, Mistress Ningyue, help!"
Xiang Ningyue laughs again and Beida Wan understandably looks pleased with himself for provoking it. Mobei Yang feels surprised that the strange boy is capable of humor despite his handful of Tongyu words. His smile reveals slightly crooked front teeth and small canines.
The smile fades as Beida Wan looks at Mobei Yang again. "Ahhh..."
"Ah, something to say to me as well?"
"Master Bocheng say..."
"Even repeating things is apparently too difficult," Xiang Ningyue complains. "So useless! A parrot would be a better messenger. And prettier."
"Tr-trainer-ing," Beida Wan slurs out eventually. "Training. Lingu-Linguang-Jun."
Mobei Yang bemusedly watches as the strange boy raises his fists, circling them slightly, in a poor fighting stance. It's vaguely reminiscent of a small child play-acting. Then Beida Wan shrugs, with those round cheeks flushed red again, and points down the hill.
Mobei Yang follows the gesture to see a wide, dirt ring, where some of the local warriors are enthusiastically doing drills and eagerly beckoning some of his watching hunters forward. Such challenges to visitors are extremely common. And likely the only entertainment that Mobei Yang will be offered here until the promised feasting begins later.
"Oh, we would be honored!" Xiang Ningyue exclaims, more elegantly. "Nothing interesting ever happens here! Some of our youths could stand to be made a little more worldly, Linguang-Jun, if your men would be willing to show us their strength."
"I am your most gracious guest."
If nothing else, Mobei Yang can show off for this peerless wind demoness, and perhaps even directly against her inadequate young husband.
His hostess must excuse herself to the feast preparations, so Mobei Yang is escorted to the training ring by Beida Wan. Or so he assumes that is the strange demon's intention, as the boy steps back and makes a presumptuous beckoning gesture, repeating it often along the stairs and sloping roads downwards.
It is the closest Mobei Yang has been to this stranger since the bloody death of that ruined creature. He cannot quite resist the urge to reach out and grab an arm.
Beida Wan startles wildly, but as weakly as a child, before the boy then slips out between the fingers easily. Even with Mobei Yang making a mild spiritual effort to hold onto his prey. The boy simply dissolved like an illusion, with a faint shimmer in the air, before reforming a few skittering steps away.
There is spiritual energy being used here, Mobei Yang confirms now that he can focus upon it. It's... slippery. Subtle. An insect landing in water: one would perhaps only notice it in a small, still pool.
Beida Wan is looking at him with wide eyes and no teeth. "No," he says, flatly.
Then the boy turns and runs ahead to the training ring, as though a wind demoness's son couldn't easily, immediately, close the short distance between them, if he so chose. Where does this Beida Wan come from that that wouldn't be taken as an invitation to chase?
Mobei Yang follows sedately, ignoring the whispers and curious looks from the local villagers, and also from Shuang Tao, who has come to greet him. His hosts have set up a modestly comfortable and shaded lounging area for him and his hunters to observe the training and challenges, waited upon with drinks and cool cloths by some of the clan leader's servants again.
Shan Bocheng the rock demon is acting as their master of ceremonies for this impromptu tournament, with Beida Wan lurking behind the young future clan leader again like a little fly that doesn't even bite.
Predictably, there are several scowling warriors who evidently won't believe in their own inferiority without a demonstration. Just as predictably, there are several eager youths, at least half of whom are likely hoping that they might impress enough to be taken away from this place.
"I do have some empty space in my hunting party at the moment," Mobei Yang remarks casually to Shuang Tao, just to fan the flames.
The locals are determined to mark their territory. Some of the older warriors, canny and cultivated, even manage to put Mobei Yang's hunters on their backs several times, albeit inconsistently. Many of the villagers gather eagerly to watch. A group of younger children are squealing and shouting from a rooftop.
Shan Bocheng is highly skilled for his young age, but not significantly powerful, and he intelligently doesn't dare to challenge Mobei Yang directly. While Mobei Yang is contemplating proposing a "friendly spar" between them, he is challenged directly by a young water demon, with more awe than arrogance, an appetite sharper than his cute teeth.
"Yubo!" Shan Bocheng snaps.
"Can't I have ambitions?" complains young Xiang Yubo, a cousin of Xiang Ningyue apparently, only seventeen years old. "Is it so bad to dream of losing a battle to the great Linguang-Jun?"
Mobei Yang laughs. "I'll consider it," he tells the water demon.
"I want to fight the boy who tried to take the killing blow from us!" declare one of the Hao brothers. "From the great hunter, Linguang-Jun!"
Sitting behind Shan Bocheng, Beida Wan is drawing in the dirt with a stick. Unsurprisingly, he seems to be completely unaware that he's been challenged.
"No," Shan Bocheng says. "Beida can't fight."
At his name, the boy looks up and then around, squinting for some understanding. He scoots back, a little more behind the rock demon, like a small child.
"He nearly killed an Abyss-touched Giant Sea Heron," says Xi Mingzhu, another of Mobei Yang's hunters.
"That's... different."
"How so?" Mobei Yang calls.
The rock demon looks amusingly disgruntled, struggling to explain it. "Beida doesn't know how to fight like this."
"Beida can stab things badly with a spear until they're dead and that's it," says young Xiang Yubo, the water demon. "And that's only if running away doesn't work!"
"Yubo!"
"What? It's true!"
"Just for that... come fight Beida for us."
"In front of-?! I'm not doing that!"
Shan Bocheng the rock drmon ignores the whining and looks down at Beida Wan, who is still squinting at everyone. The rock demon picks the boy up by the back of his clothes and puts him on his feet.
"Go train with Xiang Yubo," Bocheng orders. "Practice fight."
Beida Wan's face twists up. "No," he says. He looks around at her waiting audience, then back at Shan Bocheng. "No."
"Yes," Shan Bocheng insists.
"No."
"Yes."
"No! No, no, no!"
The rock demon has to physically push Beida Wan into the training ring and hand the boy a... staff? It nearly gets dropped. Shan Bocheng throws another staff at Xiang Yubo, who catches it easily and executes a skillful series of twirls, familiarizing himself with the weapon.
"No... hurt?" Beida Wan says.
"No hurt," the rock demon confirms. "No kill. Training. Practice. Go."
Even before the young water demon can lunge forward, Beida vanishes. There one moment, gone the next, in a flicker of shadow and twisting air. He reappears on the other side of the ring without any attempt at counterattack.
It's clearly frustrating for the young water demon, but it gives Mobei Yang the opportunity to study such remarkable abilities. Most elemental creatures can still be caught, can be followed, can be disrupted, can be forced between forms, unfortunately including Mobei Yang himself. It happened often when he used to spar against his lordly brother and all the overwhelming power of their ancestors.
Beida Wan is... unrecognizable. Even when watching closely, there's often no clear thread of spiritual energy to follow from one point to the next. A broken trail.
Shuang Tao is snickering at Beida Wan's clumsy form, the childish slowness, the obvious uncertainty, the unwillingness to strike back. It's distracting. It's understandable. Such remarkable abilities from such pathetic overall cultivation!
But Mobei Yang wants to know how the boy is slipping away from a superior opponent, another warrior who is clearly experienced in fighting elemental creatures. He focuses on those subtle twists of demonic energy.
And he finds himself thinking of... the iridescent shimmer in the air above a hungry Abyssal vent.
Of the twisting flash of an otherworldly spiritual weapon being summoned to a waiting hand.
Of the whisper when opening a small pouch hiding a deep stomach.
Of a dream demon's illusions, spun by a creature hidden in another realm entirely.
Of a monstrous creature disguised as something small, suddenly unfolding itself, ripping a giant's body out of a spiritual web to reveal its spider's trap.
Of the way the air shakes when a Black Moon Rhinoceros Python screams.
"...Ah," Mobei Yang says.
Shuang Tao and the Hao brothers look at him with interest, but Mobei Yang ignores them to lean farther forward. If they can't figure it out, he's not telling them.
The fight ends when the young water demon manages to trip Beida Wan, not for the first time, and Beida Wan is too dazed to get up before Xiang Yubo swings the tip of the staff up against his throat. The water demon taps for emphasis.
Mobei Yang can see the boy's nervous swallow, but also the way that Beida Wan is watching the crowd more than his opponent. It's the boy's choice to release his weapon and indicate surrender. The only thing preventing his escape here should be spiritual exhaustion.
"Well done," Mobei Yang calls out to the young water demon, who was persistent, if ineffective.
Xiang Yubo pulls the staff back and demonstrates relieved gratitude, after such a frustrating duel. It must have been like trying to pin down a ghostly butterfly.
Beida Wan rolls himself up and limps back to hide behind Bocheng again, sitting against the wall in a tired heap.
"Strike back more," the rock demon says to his little fly.
Beida Wan raises his hand sharply, an inward fist with the middle finger pointed upwards, though he drops it quickly.
Mobei Yang wonders what that's supposed to mean. A salute? An agreement? An apology? Hard to say when Beida Wan's sweaty, red face is between his knees.
He understands better now why this young water demon said that Beida Wan only knows how to run and kill. The boy doesn't have the strength or the speed to strike back ordinarily, to wrestle an opponent to the ground, to spar in a skillful way. All Beida Wan can do is sneak close and put a spear through an opponent's critical weak points, using an apparently natural ability to warp space itself around him.
No wind demon, no matter how quick or powerful, can reach something that has slipped away into another realm entirely.
Mobei Yang fights the young water demon, because it makes him look generous more than out of any personal interest. He wants to show Shan Bocheng the difference between them, especially with the beautiful Xiang Ningyue now watching from an overlook with some other local wind demonesses, their colorful scarves and skirts flowing like flags in the breeze.
And he wants to see Beida Wan's face seeing a true demon warrior demonstrate some of his strength. The boy alternates freely between very wide eyes and a frowning squint, apparently.
Mobei Yang indulges a few challengers after that, out of boredom more than curiosity, and likely embarrasses some of them more than originally intended. The Ice Palace attracts countless challengers, fighting for countless reasons, and his lordly brother has become less and less willing to indulge any of them as the years go by; it's a responsibility on top of the countless cousins whose ambitions need to be treated like summer greenery: killed off before they become overgrown.
The cheering and compliments are appreciated. The naked envy even moreso. "I did apparently have to prove to this clan that I have no need of help during any of my hunts," Mobei Yang says dryly, provoking laughter again.
The rush of battle, however inglorious, makes impulses more difficult to resist. While lesser demons debate who has to follow such a performance, Mobei Yang looks towards the elusive little fly.
"Beida Wan!" he calls.
The boy's head snaps up. Several strings of surrounding conversation are cut off, but Mobei Yang isn't afraid of an audience. He echoes that condescending little beckoning gesture. By the way that Beida Wan's reddened nose wrinkles, Mobei Yang's demand is immediately understood.
Shan Bocheng hauls the boy up by his collar again and Beida Wan begrudgingly slinks over to stand in front of Mobei Yang. His expression is wary. He remembers to bow in greeting quite belatedly.
Mobei Yang doesn't give any warning before grabbing the boy's arm again. Again, Beida Wan is too slow to dodge, startling without dignity.
"Whadda fuck?!"
It would have been trivial to break this limb, to do far worse, but Mobei Yang waits patiently. He can feel the shift of the boy's elusive spiritual energy even better this way; he can shift his own weighty spiritual energy to counter the forces hastily moving to work here.
He owes thanks to the depths his ancestors have given him. Perhaps also to the clan priestess who first taught him how to fortify himself against unstable Abyssal gates, so that his body and mind wouldn't be torn to pieces. And to those others who passed down onto him the ancestral knowledge of stabilizing such gates... of destroying them. Though Mobei Yang doesn't think one can discount his own impressive experience, learning how to disrupt summoned weapons and untie folded spaces and all those annoying tricks with just... a little... push.
Beida Wan grunts, flinches, as the shadows twist and writhe and fail to whisk him away into whatever halfway realm he's been using. He pulls uselessly. He keeps trying, again and again, a panicking animal with a paw stuck fast.
Mobei Yang keeps denying the boy an escape. It takes continuous effort, a fair amount of spiritual energy, and really, the boy should be grateful that Mobei Yang hasn't accidentally broken this arm.
"No," Mobei Yang says dryly.
Beida Wan stops struggling and stares up at him. Really, it reminds Mobei Yang so much of snagging a surfacing seal as a bored youth, all big eyes and flopping rage.
Whatever this boy was before, human or not, he's just a weak demon now with a single clever trick. Remarkable abilities left raw and uncultivated. Mobei Yang laughs as he releases his unique prey, at yet another successful hunt, however short and simple it turned out to be.
"You caught Beida," the young water demon, Xiang Yubo, says. "And he actually stayed caught!"
"Oh, you just have to find the trick of it," Mobei Yang says airily. "Shan Bocheng, tell your clan leader that I've found some new demons for my hunting party!"
It's like kicking over a wasp nest, with the buzzing that goes through the watching crowd. The rock demon remains grim.
"Who?" Shan Bocheng says.
"Such an honor!" Xiang Ningyue calls from her makeshift pavilion of ladies, far more civilized, all of her beauty on display as she leans forward. "The Flying Mountain Clan is honored to run with Linguang-Jun! But which of us are you stealing?"
"Your young cousin, generous hostess," Mobei Yang falls back. "Xiang Yubo may have the potential to impress!"
More importantly, the young water demon will give an excuse to return to the Flying Mountain Clan and speak with his relatives. Mobei Yang will simply have to tell his late mother's family, the Black Wind Clan, that he has a complicated plot to destabilize the leadership of their rival clan.
"It's- Thank you! Thank you, Linguang-Jun! I won't disappoint you- I won't- I'll prove myself worthy-" Xiang Yubo stammers.
Mobei Yang nods vaguely at the appropriate gratitude. "And I'll have this thing," he adds, pointing. "If you can bear to let this guest leave your hands."
Xiang Ningyue cackles, as does Shuang Tao. The other laughter around them is more nervous. Beida Wan looks at Mobei Yang's finger like he doesn't know why it's pointing at him; presumably, he doesn't. He shuffles backwards... into the rock demon.
"I... owe Beida," Shan Bocheng says.
"And what better reward could you give than a placement with a superior clan?" Mobei Yang says, even though he really doesn't need to ask anyone's permission here. "If there's anything worthwhile to be learned from Beida Wan, the Northern Desert Clan will uncover it."
"Yes, take them!" Xiang Ningyue calls. "If anyone can make a hunter of Beida, it's you, Linguang-Jun!"
It's more likely that such a useless warrior will die sooner than later, but Mobei Yang doubts that the Flying Mountain Clan will truly cry over the loss. Perhaps something will be made of these remarkable abilities before that, but perhaps not.
Shan Bocheng's shoulders sag slightly. The rock demon won't fight over this.
Mobei Yang smiles down at Beida Wan, who remains wary and confused at first, and then hesitantly smiles back. Weakly. Not threateningly. Obviously false. Quite odd. The humanness is hard to unsee after Xiang Ningyue suggested it.
"What an opportunity to bring our two clans closer together," Mobei Yang remarks, almost entirely to see Shan Bocheng struggle to remain polite again. "Let's look forward to the new future, hm?"
#tossawary svsss#tossawary updates#linguang jun#long post#transmigrator mobei jun mom#mobei jun's mother
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You think pain makes you strong
Summary: You finally break on Suho for constantly getting into fights and shutting you out, and you walk away, fed up with his self-destructive ways.
ahn suho x reader
angst, arguing, hurt no comfort
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“You’re bleeding again.”
You hadn’t meant to say it like that—like you gave a damn right now. But there he was, leaning against the brick wall like some tragic hero, knuckles scraped, lip split, hoodie damp with sweat and blood that wasn’t all his.
Again.
“I’m fine,” Suho muttered, not even looking at you.
Your jaw clenched. “You always say that.”
“Because it’s true.”
“Oh, fuck off, Suho.” Your voice snapped like a whip. “You’re not fine. You’re never fine. You just think if you say it enough, everyone else will shut up and let you spiral in peace.”
He turned to you slowly, jaw tightening, the usual calm in his eyes flickering. “What’s your problem tonight?”
“My problem?” You laughed, but there was nothing funny about it. “My problem is that you’re acting like an impulsive idiot, and you think I’m just gonna stand here and watch.”
“I’m not acting on impulse. He deserved it.”
“There it is,” you hissed. “That holier-than-thou logic you carry like a badge. ‘He deserved it.’ So what? That gives you the right to beat the sh*t out of him? To nearly get yourself killed?”
“I handled it.”
“You survived it,” you corrected. “Barely. And for what? Some twisted version of justice you decided was yours to dish out?”
Suho stepped toward you, irritation flashing in his eyes. “You weren’t there. You don’t get to judge how I handle things.”
“No, you’re right. I wasn’t there,” you snapped. “Because you didn’t tell me. You never tell me until it’s too late. I hear about it from other people—again. You leave me out like I’m just some clueless extra in your hero story.”
“It wasn’t about you—”
“It never is, Suho!” you shouted. “It’s never about me. Or anyone else who gives a damn about you. You storm off, pick fights, bleed all over the pavement like it’s a Tuesday, and then expect us to smile and say, ‘Thanks for protecting us, Suho. Thanks for carrying the whole damn world on your back like a martyr.’”
“I didn’t ask for a thank you.”
“No,” you spat. “You don’t ask for anything. Not help. Not support. Not perspective. You don’t trust anyone, and I’m sick of pretending like that’s noble instead of just selfish.”
He scoffed, folding his arms. “I’m selfish?”
“Yes!” you barked. “You think being quiet and strong and brooding means you’re doing this selfless thing. But you know what it really is? Arrogant. You don’t think anyone can do it like you. That no one else can handle the weight. So instead of letting people in, you burn yourself out, crash into every wall you see, and then act shocked when we’re mad.”
Suho looked away, but you weren’t finished. Not even close.
“You walk around like you’re the only one who’s allowed to be angry, the only one who’s allowed to hurt. But I’m pissed too, Suho. I’ve been pissed for weeks.”
His voice was quiet but sharp. “Then why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because you don’t listen!” You stepped into his space, finger jabbing into his chest. “You pick and choose what matters. If it doesn’t fit your idea of ‘the right thing to do,’ you dismiss it. You dismiss me. Every time I try to get through to you, you shut down. You look past me. Like I’m talking to a damn wall.”
“I never dismissed you,” he bit back.
“Bullshit. You always do. You listen to Sieun, to Beom-seok—even when they fcked up royally. But me? I say one thing you don’t like, and suddenly I’m overreacting or ‘don’t understand.’”
“You don’t always understand!”
“And maybe that’s because you never let me in!” you roared. “You only show me the pieces you want me to see. You keep the rest locked up like your pain is some kind of secret weapon.”
Silence. Just the sound of cars and your heaving breath.
Suho’s hands were clenched. “You think this is easy for me?”
“I don’t give a shit if it’s easy,” you snapped. “I want you to be honest. Vulnerable. Human. But you’re too busy playing the unbreakable knight to realize you’re bleeding out in front of everyone who cares.”
His jaw was tight, eyes cold now. “So what? You want me to just lie down and take it when people hurt the people I care about?”
“No. I want you to stop using violence as a crutch for everything you don’t want to feel.”
“I feel everything,” he growled.
“Then act like it. Stop hiding behind fists and fights. Grow the hell up, Suho. You’re not seventeen forever.”
He took a step back, like your words hit harder than any punch he’d taken tonight.
You stared him down, pulse racing. “I’m done tiptoeing around your trauma. I’m done pretending like I’m okay watching you destroy yourself over and over because you think pain makes you strong.”
You turned, heading for the streetlight at the edge of the alley.
And just before you walked away, you threw one last truth over your shoulder.
“I loved you enough to want to stay. But you? You love your war more than peace.”

A/N: had an argument and now I’m pissed. So there you go.
Taglist: @ipushhimback, @ladyoflynx, @lewishamiltonismybf, @cmleitora, @same1995, @amatswimming, @llando4norris, @dr3wstarkey, @hurtblossom, @ernegren, @esposamultifandom, @darleneslane
#weak hero class two#weak hero class one#weak hero class 1#ahn suho#suho x reader#ahn suho x reader#weak hero x reader#weak hero kdrama#netflix#yeon sieun#sieun#weak hero webtoon#suho x you#ahn suho x you#suho x yn#ahn suho x yn#choi hyun wook x reader#choi hyun wook#Choi hyunwook x you
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Rm is obviously jealous of Jimin like Suga, Jk and Tae that have been obviously jealous of him, but I wonder why just him in particular they seem to like support him but also put him down, they had no problem when Jk or Tae were thought to be the most popular ones or when Suga had success
Ask 2: Also I think they should be more jealous of Jk shouldn't them? Like he got picked by the company and gets the best promo, is overall unfair, while jimin doesn't even get the same support and is always being sabotaged by the company and the Fandom, yet all the members except maybe Jin and J hope seem to be bitter of him and think he deserve way less than them.
I think it might be the conditioning they've been under. I'm not sure if it's jealousy in all the cases, but I feel like they're all used to the members having an assigned role and also a hierarchy. And we discuss here their dynamic, but we actually don't know what the dynamic was like with their superiors, their producers, choreographers, vocal teachers, etc. Because if you have these figures of authority disregarding a person or constantly praising them in front of everyone, I feel like that might influence a lot how the members see each other. For example, Jimin has mentioned how his songs were rejected for the Bts albums (which is crazy to me) or how the choreographer didn't like him, so I guess actions like that place him lower in the hierarchy within the group. The dissonance comes when they make contact with other people outside of this bubble, and maybe the perception is completely different like in Jimin's case and how he managed to get a lot of fans and media attention. So that may lead to members being confused or maybe even upset that the order they had is suddenly being threatened. I feel like with Jk, he's always been expected to be the best, constantly praised and even favored with classes and opportunities. Even if they feel jealous of him too, it's something that they can digest.
I also saw a Pjm who said that the members know that Jimin has achieved all his good results without being favored, and that may upset them more than someone else being pushed and getting good results as well, because in the latter the success could be attributed to the push/ investment, meanwhile in the first one everyone can tell it's not a direct consequence.
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At the end of the swap Tobias has to return to New York to finish his contract, while Gabin has to stay in Paris for the same reasons. They’ve spoken about it and said they’ll try and do long distance then talk about if one of them will relocate closer to the end of their contracts.
As soon as Tobias steps on the plane the sulking starts.
Gabin is zoned out in rehearsals, he’s constantly pouting like a kicked puppy, he’s back to having minor roles so he’s restless which means he has taken up the habit of loudly critiquing dancers and choreographers alike because “that’s not the way Tobias would do it.”
Meanwhile in New York, Tobias is a lot more high strung than usual. He struggles to choreograph a full routine. He’s huffing a lot more and keeps mentioning how Gabin would just understand what he wants. No one has a clue who Gabin is.
Finally Geneviève breaks and calls Jack saying how Gabin is being a massive pain and is bringing down company morale with his sulking. Initially Jack is like ‘who?’ but when she explains he’s Tobias’ he’s like “ohhhhh, THAT’S why Tobias is being weirder than usual!” And Genevieve is like “You too? Thank god! Also I may have just solved our problems. I’m sending you Gabin, he can finish his contract in New York. He’s already on the plane so you can’t say no.” And Jack’s like “Great, I’ll go tell Tobias so he can finally do something productive rather than just yell at my dancers.”
So he goes to the rehearsal room, but Tobias isn’t there. He asks the dancers and they say he hasn’t been there all day, nor was he in yesterday. Jack starts to get a very bad feeling he knows what’s happened but he prays he’s wrong. He calls Tobias who, as per usual, doesn’t pick up. He looks at planes from New York to Paris and calls Geneviève, telling her she needs to get to the airport.
Turns out, Tobias reached breaking point and got on a plane to Paris without telling anyone so he could go see Gabin. Problem is, he reached breaking point around the same time as Genevieve, and he and Gabin missed each other at the airport by a few hours, probably flew past each other even.
So now, instead of solving the problem, Genevieve is stuck tracking down Tobias once more and breaking the news to him that Gabin isn’t there, while Jack is having to collect this random French ballet dancer who is so excited to be in New York but then makes it everyone else’s problem when he realises Tobias ran away to Paris.
Genevieve and Jack then have to negotiate which one will be sent back, because neither really wants to keep the one they’ve got but they also realise the two can’t be apart because they’re so codependent now. Add on the fact that they have to babysit their prospective charges until they decide where they’re going to stay because they keep trying to go back to where they were originally to be with the other and, knowing them, will probably cause the exact same situation in reverse, and then they’ll get more annoying over not being together and Jack and Genevieve will have bigger headaches and Cheyenne will get angry about the amount of jet fuel they’re using on such a silly charade.
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Things my clone ocs (735th legion) have canonically said.
Ghost: For the last time. no, you can't use shiny as a battering ram!
Flash: Everyone needs glitter.
Dust: outta my way gay boy.
Haze: the next time you're bleeding out I'm going to let you die.
Vin: all of you have too many problems, I quit.
Haze: Okay, explain what happened.
Ghost: he was asking for it.
Haze: you stabbed Lighterfluid.
Lighterfluid: yeah, and I said "Hey, can you stab me"
Pepper'ika: don't piss off the cook, I make all the food.
Ghost: Honeybadger, stop. You're scaring Shiny.
Crow: ...
Ghost: No.
Crow: come on-
Ghost: put him down.
Crow: ...fine. *puts down a very confused Shiny*
Bootlicker: THIS IS WHY GHOST DOESN'T KARKING LOVE YOU
Flash: don't step on my dress, SHABUIR
Dagger: hey, are you busy?
Gothic, In the middle of putting on their makeup: actually Dagger, I am.
Ghost: you're the reason I wake up every morning. Not because I care about you but because I know if I'm not supervising you you'll wreck havoc.
Divebomber: that's an insane idea. Let's do it.
Flare: "Fireproof" Is that a challenge?
Jittery: i love being Ghost's favorite. I get to do the things everyone else gets in trouble for, and I don't get so much as a slap on the wrist.
Horror coming back from his first shift without Ghost's help: ...
Ghost: you good?
Horror: ... how do you do it.
Honeybadger: try me, I'll bite your ear off.
Bootlicker: everyday I wake up and wish I wasn't here.
Dagger: this legion is insane. I love it here!
Flash: interrupt me while I'm getting ready one more time. I dare you.
Heli: and there goes Crash. Again.
Ghost: don't talk to me or my vod'e and Ade even again.
Devil: welp. Ghost is gonna kill me for this one. Might as well make it worthwhile!
Lighterfluid: oh I'm gonna cause so much damage.
That's all! :D hope you enjoyed my OCs being silly.
#oc: ghost#oc: haze#oc: dagger#oc: jittery#oc: Horror#oc: dust#oc: Devil#oc: Honeybadger#oc: Bootlicker#oc: heli#oc: divebomber#oc: Pepper'ika#oc: Lighterfluid#oc: flash#oc: flare#oc: Gothic#oc: crow#oc: vin#my oc#oc quotes#clone trooper oc#tcw#tcw sw#sw#sw tcw#clone troopers#star wars#clone trooper#star wars the clone wars#ocs
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taps mic,,, would you guys still love me if I posted rdr2 cowboy incest,,,
#testing the waters#dw dmc isnt going anywhere any time soon#BUT that said ive also got a really bad case of brainrot and might have. spent the last few days doing nothing but drawing red dead#(yes i know TECHNICALLY there's no incest in the gang in red dead bc no one is actually related#and how much their relations are considerable a family bond is up to interpretation BUT you know me#whatever i touch will turn into the most toxic problematic yaoi there is its just my midas touch)#anyway im batshit cuckoo insane for arthur john and dutch in any combination/order and i'm cautiously poking my head in#asking if i can make it everyone else's problem too#once again: dmc will still be my primary fandom and i really dont foresee that changing any time soon#but i do gotta get these cowboys out of my system also
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Okay but.
Finrod knowing Galadriel is meant to be on next ship coming in to Aman. Foresight, Círdan gossiping with Ulmo who gossips with Olwë who sends to for his nephew, whatever, just.
Finrod waiting to greet the boat that's meant to be bringing his baby sister.
And she doesn't arrive. 🙃
#rings of power#good morning i work up with Feelings about#Finrod#and im making it everyone else's problem#....anyway Finrod promptly goes: well fuck this! borrows a boat from his mam and heads back to middle earth.#he can do this because Ossë thinks its funny.#elendil seeing the tiny boat bobbing about like 10 minutes after picking up a scruffy human from on top of like. 2 planks of wood: now what?#Galadrirl: rants at Tar Miriel#Finrod way too cheerfully: Sorry. Our Mother blames it on our Father for letting Uncle Fëanor babysit her as an elfling.#Finrod: Anyway is it still a no to the ship home if I offer to buy it and when I say buy it- do you take diamonds?#(Sauron: is laying super low because last time this fucker showed up he killed one of Sauron's puppers with his TEETH)#(Sauron: can stay making trouble in Numenor)#(Finrod and Galadriel: rocking up in Eregion to jumpscare Celebrimbor)#(Galadriel: hey cuz can I borrow your army Gil-galad wouldnt give me his.)#(Celebrimbor:....)#(Celebrimbor: youre asking Fëanor's grandson to give you soldiers the High King said you couldnt have.)#ANYWAY
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ok, I’m caught up with the main 2AL, which, OUCH. I walked into a therapists’ office and they saw the dazed look in my eyes and said “we don’t cover 2AL that’s on you bud”
I see there’s a crossover with seperated Leo AU? One and Oneion? But I have no idea where to start with this. I’m loving the latest comics and animatics that I did find, but I don’t really know one or oneion’s story. Sorry that I’m asking, I’m just a tiny little bit confused. I’m sorry 😭
HELLO I hope you had fun lmaoo, is now a good time to mention that, there are 4 more parts to the masterpost btw? They are linked in the main pinned post... lol....
Anyways One and Oneion belong to @dianagj-art aka @separatedleoau! They are not mine! They are separate guys with their own separate story that you can find on Dianas blog, I recommend checking out that sickass comic too :)
We have arguably too much fun having our little guys mingle with eachother and thus theres over a years worth of crossover stuff... whoops. You can find everything crossover related with them under the tag #the besties on either of our blogs. At least everything from after the point we decided that would be the crossover tag! I also made this timeline over here but at what point do we need a besties masterpost LMAOO?? Maybe I should edit links to events in the timeline post??? Who knows!
#sorry diana and I have too much fun with our turtles and we make it everyone elses problem#asks#ANYWAYS#I saw the ask you sent after this but I probably should clear it up for other people too haha#also regarding the other ask you sent#dont be sorry for sending asks!#like omg yay people are interested enough to send an ask#worst that can happen is that I go “omg someone is thinking about my little guys” and then forget to answer the ask#best that can happen is that I go “omg someone is thinking about my little guys” and you activate a ramble or art idea
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#can I just. scream for a second#so as is news to no one#we need to start over the entire us medical system from scratch#also I would like to be flayed alive and start over from scratch in the skin department as well#anyway for context: I've had some kind of rash/acne/infection/irritation all over my legs for over a year now#have tried various products and changed habits and products to try and get rid of it to no avail#everyone said you should really just go to a dermatologist#(I was not that inclined to do so bc the previous and only time I'd seen a dermatologist it was not a good experience. very condescending#also I don't like making appointments and stuff. girl I don't have time)#but I decided to be an adult and go (my insurance info seemed to imply I could go with zero copay even)#spoilers: that was not the case#anyway so I show up and surprise surprise: it sucked#she was dismissive and condescending imo. was literally like 'well it could be A B or C but I can't tell'#'all of those are basically impossible to get rid of anyway but the things to try are X Y or Z'#I asked to try Z since X and Y are things that I already tried and did nothing (which I had told her!!!)#but she just kept being like 'you just need to stop picking at it. that's the real problem and that's what's exacerbating your scarring'#(wow thanks never thought of that!) (she also insinuated that my scarring was ugly)#girl I'm not 5 years old I understand.#unfortunately for me that is a compulsion so strong it would probably take years of directed therapy to get me to stop doing that#what I'm here to see you about is to figure out what the problem is and how to stop it from happening in the first place#and STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A COSMETIC ISSUE#it's causing me pain and discomfort that's the main problem! I would like that to stop!! and me not touching it would not solve that proble#also I wanted to ask her about something else but they were too quick about it. felt very Handled if you know what I mean#but anyway#she gave me a prescription for topical antibiotic which was the thing I had not tried#apparently my insurance doesn't cover it and it's also made of gold and plutonium or something#so she gave me a coupon for it#but get this#when I went to pick it up at the pharmacy they didn't take the coupon#the guy said. 'um this only works for the generic brand. and we don't have the generic brand'
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can I be so open and vulnerable with you guys. the card I was given from people at my old office was sincerely so nice and really validating but also I feel like the main impression I left other people with was "she's really nice" WHICH IS GOOD, I DO WANT TO BE KNOWN AS NICE but also part of me is like... should I maybe strive for "innovative" or "creative" or "a go-getter" because being The Nice One just feels a little mealy-mouthed of me y'know?
#I think there is something to be said here for being so averse to conflict and also such a control freak that I spend incalculable energy on#making other people happy/comfortable/cool-with-me so on and so forth#like this has been a problem in past friendships too as I've grown up#and I've noticed it even online like sometimes I'll have A Take and I won't post it because I don't want to be negative about something#that someone else may like or whatever#which is GOOFY because some of my favorite people are those with strong personalities (bc it's a CLEAR VIEW of that person's personality!!)#and yet here I am like "tee hee I'm so nice everyone likes me because I'm nice anyway when I look in a mirror all i see is a blank wall''#lol y'know? and like no I certainly express opinions and express emotions other than Just Being Happy#and also any waylaid attempts at being so neutral as to not offend people uhhhhh don't work. ask me how I know#(I know because people have hated my guts on the internet before lol)#so it's like: this performance is truly for no one but yourself AND!!!! *AND* it's not even good for you because you might not actually be#being your authentic self#anyways I'm afraid to be a hater and also I'm afraid people won't like me so I try hard to make them like me#and THAT leads to me getting a very nice card about how everyone likes me and me inevitably going: but do they know and like the REAL me#lololololololol that's so goofy#anyway kids be yourselves#also what can I say I derive great pleasure from trying to be the nicest person a cashier interacts with on a given day so#idk there's a middle ground to be struck therein and I'm still navigating it
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haha once again my dad shows me he could not give a fuck about my issues with audio or me because he's got the tv unnecessarily loud again :)
#🍊.txt#i turned it down myself the other day and he once again said 'its only on 6' and im like yes and like ive said before#i can feel the bass in my floor#i can hear it over my headphones#i can hear every word and explosion and EVERYTHING happening#i ask him to put it on 5 because its managable and its still loud for him but its not violently making me anxious and overwhelmed#its one number difference im not asking him to put it on 2#ive just text him like do you specifically ignore me when i tell you it causes me problems or does he want me to key his car#because at this fucking point i will#im going to go insane and it will get worse because i will be at work all week now and then when im home he will be too#i wont get time away from him any more#he keeps referring to me as the cats mommy too even when ive said hey dont do that i dont like it it makes me uncomfortable#everything i ask him not to do CONSTANTLY he keeps doing#i need to win the lottery so i can pay off my debts and move far far FAR away from my family and this city and everyone i know or im going#to end up right where i started wanting to off myself again#my personal life is made so much harder bc no one gives a fuck about me or accommodating me#i have to stay closeted else id get torn to shreds#i cant unmask bc i cant even get respected enough to stop anything that makes me uncomfortable and anxious#im so fucking sad man its such stupid shit to be upset about too god
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Just saw a video where someone mentioned reading the curious incident of the dog in the night time, and they thought afterwards they may have autism too. When they brought it up to their mum, she was like "you knew??" cause apparently she'd done that thing people seem to do where they keep an autism diagnosis secret from their kids
It made me remember when my grandma gave me that book to read when we were all at her place for Christmas. She said something like "I think you'll really like it", which confused me cause I was more into fantasy stuff than mystery novels. I mean. I did really like it. But it's one of the things that makes me wonder... did my parents do that thing too...?
#i want to ask but i dont know how and im too scared#i tried looking through my medixal records but myhealthrecord only goes back to like 2020#my gp who i have seen my whole life said shes unaware of anything like that happening#when i told my aunt i thought i had it she was like 'doesnt that have something to do with your eye condition' like. it wasnt a surprise#the other day i got really focused on trying to figure out when freight trains come through the train station near our house during dinner#i was doing it for like fivr ten minutes while we were talking about other stuff and then i said yes the freight trains do tend to come at#night because theyre not allowed on the tracks in peak hours. and yes i have been researching that this whole time#and he goes 'its my autism and i get to choose the special interest' or. hyperfixation or something#i asked him why he said that (does he know?) and he said it was just a joke because of the 'thing about autistic people liking trains'#but... does he know...#do they know...#i couldn't eat the food at my aunts wedding and i was expecting him to make some snarky comment#but instead he just helped me.explain my texture issues to our aunts friend. which i did not expect at all#one day. idk why. but my stepmum told me her oldest son had been diagnosed when he was a kid and she didnt tell him. even when he came to#her. upset. asking why he was so different from everyone else. id known her son since primary school long before our parents got together#i had no idea what to say man i dont know why she told me that#like. is it some big open secret that everyone but me knew until last year?#im starting to wonder if some of the help i got in high school wasnt just due to my vision. especially if my mum is to be believed about#them wanting to put me in the special ed class. seems a bit much for someone with vision problems right...? always thought that was odd#but. its my mum. and the story was about her fighting the school on that so. idk if i can believe her.#ignore me#its late and that video just made me think about all this again#idk. maybe things would have been better if id known. much like thr adhd but definitely no one knew about that
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3, 7 and 14 for the asks!! 😍
😭 I should have asked you more myself!! But I saw handwriting and went “I MUST have her write some of her FIC-“
3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?
So 🤔 this is kinda tricky cause we hardly rewatch films in my house cause 🙄 my mom and dad only like watching things once usually. But but but I DO share in common with my mom that I love rewatching:
Encanto
Tangled
Turning Red
I’ve certainly annoying my sisters recently with Turning Red 🤣 it’s really good background noise and fu bro watch. Encanto cause it’s good!!! But also I’m latina and also feel not special like Mirabel 😭 my sister first time we watched the movie said Luisa reminded her of me tho thanks for clocking the older sister energy I guess. And tangled because Rapunzel my favorite Disney princess ever 🥺
7. what scares you the most and why?
Oof here’s where we get ✨depressing✨
First do we mean spine tingling or deep rooted fear that stabs at your heart till it aches and pours out? Cause I could easily say something concrete like cockroaches (they make me cry and shake so quick) but if we’re talking in ouchie heart ache type of scares it’s becoming unwanted and an inconvenience 😭 I’ve felt like that a few times in my life and heck I’ve been feeling it especially hard lately. Just gotta take a deep sigh and keep going cause I’m gonna like me enough to want me to stay! Ya know! Also I’m scared of being in absolute darkness and I’m scared to be out at night :)
14. what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?
😭 kinda related back to the other question Owie, this one seems kind of ridiculous but it’s the simplest and most heart breaking for me. All of my wants have this same thing in common but this one is the most recent so ridiculous or not here you are.
Going for a walk.
I’m, frankly, scared of the unwanted attention that comes with being a fat person in public 😭 I mean realistically I know no one’s actually looking at me but I can’t help but feel they are. In PE I was always last to finish and the kids who were done early would cheer me on and they meant well but it always made me cry. For a bit I got a little braver about walking on the treadmill at the university but I’m out now and we don’t have one at home. I’ve been wanting to go walking to better myself because 🥺 I could be better but I’m really scared of going to the park. It’s on the other side of town, it’s bigger with more shade, but it’s next to our high school and there’s a bunch of houses and there’s no good time for me to talk out of my day to do this and I’d go for a walk but we don’t have sidewalks where I live and I don’t want to walk in the road and block someone from their driveway. It’s all excuses I guess but all in all I’m afraid of existing in other people’s spaces.
But but to end on something positive!!! 🤔 um I’m really proud of the way I’ve conquered my fear of driving. I’m still afraid of that and going long distances to places I don’t know but now I feel that I just gotta go it and I’ll get used to it. It helps that my car is cute and I have stuffed animals 😄 I actually don’t hate driving as much anymore I like going around town with the windows down letting the air mess up my hair.
♥️Questions♥️ (yall should go ask Libby too 🩷)
#😭 help I made myself cry#sorry for the ✨trauma✨#Im trying to keep my face straight over here cause my mom sister and dad are in the room and I refuse to share this with them#i stopped sharing with my mom a long time ago tbh 😭 but that’s a whole other ✨dump✨#on the upside!!! I’m also proud of how honest I can be !!#it’s hard to talk about the deeper stuff sometimes cause who wants to hear that??? voluntary probably not too detailed but if you ask I’m#an open book#tbh I’m always an open book you just have to sift through my pages a bit#😄 anyways i love you and we *both* can make it though whatever is stabbing our hearts#we got this my love 😤#muah muah muah ♥️🩷#mys mail 💌#to everyone else I’m so SORRY you can ignore this#but also 🔫 you can make it though your problems too I believe in you#edit: the PAIN I felt in my chest when I thought this didn’t save oh my gosh I thought I was gonna have to type that all over again#i would have rather 🔫 myself#😭😭 okay I’m good I promise GASP
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holy shit I hate the rules and politics within the community services industry
#getting the third degree because I helped up a client#and they asked if I used strength and I was like... yeah I guess a bit? idk#tell me i should call an ambulance... ok#then you guys would be on my case for overblowing a situation and wasting resources or whatever#i also had to arrange a pickup yesterday because there was a staffing issue. trust me.#and i got shit for that too!! because they view it as me doing whatever i want#man i'm trying to make things easier for everyone#idk if previous makes entire sense. basically a last minute shift got assigned that clashed. that service leader was all Well that's#rostering's problem* when I said how it interferes with like three other clients#rostering is understandably panicking when i ca the.#them** so i'm like Look do you want me to call the wife of the client so we can arrange something etc etc#mind you this was all at the end of the day yesterday. i think around when the managers knock off and two hours before rostering#so i wanted to help with the scramble it caused. which technically meant i was overstepping my role... but who else is going to do it lol?#do you guys want someone less capable? are you intimidated by me or something?#then ofc i have a hard time explaining when work tries to do that thing they do where they catch you on technicals#therefore making it hard for you to explain or trust them. whatever man
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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